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gaspshichat · 3 months

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extremely long pearl appreciation post except this time i'm maintagging bc i want her to see this. she deserves to see this

she is the kindest soul ever. every bit message, every sub message, every gifted sub, and as many chat messages as possible are read. she genuinely doesn't want anyone to be left out

pearl had a rough start to stream today with a bunch of bots saying really weird things and someone revealing private information of hers which is weird. i have choice words for them but i'll keep myself pg for this post

it resulted in her having to turn on sub only mode which she said upset her. what did chat do?

they gifted probably around 200-500 subs to the community

pearl kept saying how bad she felt that she was practically forced into turning on sub only mode but she also said she didn't want her community gifting so many subs bc of an awful situation. they still did

i will always say that pearl is the nicest person ever. anytime smth bad happens to someone in chat, she's sympathetic and kind and gives them a message. anytime smth good happens to someone in chat, she's very excited and happy for them

it takes someone who is genuinely kind and selfless to do that. pearl does not have to read every bit message and sub message. but she does

her community reflects this kindness. i got broken up with two hours before valentine's day and told chat [bc streams for me are 6am-10am]. chat was so kind and gave me ideas on what to do with the flowers [which i did what they suggested!]

i've been in fandom communities for almost ten years now. pearl's is the kindest. there are so many people in chat i recognize [secret agent, sapphicwhimsy, kawaiitron, voxkeys, cardmoney, etc] that i look forward to seeing in chat. usually i dread seeing what happens in twitch chat's

not hers. hers are so full of kindness bc she is full of kindness and it just radiates and spreads to her community. yes it's fairly no nonsense, her deleting any weird messages, but that's to make sure it's a good place to be

i've been having nightmares and flashbacks recently due to reasons i wish to keep private. very few youtubers/streamers are able to help me sleep without those issues. pearl is one of them. her community is genuinely safe

i tell everyone interested in mcyt to watch pearl. i've been spreading pearl propaganda [/silly]. she deserves so much more than she has. pearl deserves the world

this is an extremely long post but i need to get my point across to her and anyone else, whether they're a pearl fan or not [yet]

pearl, we all love you and are proud to be part of the community. you are such a genuinely sweet person who deserves all the kindness in the world. i'm so sorry you had to deal with that bullshit [pardon my language]. it does genuinely suck but i hope the ~300 subs helped make you feel better hehe 🫶🫶

#pearlescentmoon #pearlescentmoon pos #maintagging like she is a vampire and my tumblr is my house #aka inviting her in #everyone say smth positive in notes #<- threat [/hj]#we all love pearl here

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janitorhutcherson · 6 months

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bedtime with mike and abby ( mike schmidt x reader)

hi guys! this is my first ever lil fic/imagine/blurb here!! if y'all like this, I'll keep it up. I'm also new to tumblr, so please please be patient with me. in the future i'd love to do requests.

also if someone wants to help me with formatting/be friends, just shoot me a msg :p

this is just a quick lil imagine/blurb. I've seen so many smutty fics and i wanted to spice it up w/ some fluff. just sleepy time on mike's night off! on w the fic :p

*edit* this isn’t revised!! i threw something together last min and posted cause i felt like writing lol. don’t mind the typos

word count: 1,633

warnings: none! just fluff, angst if u squint!!

summary: nighttime with mike and abby on his day off!

Most of the time, you, your boyfriend Mike, and his little sister Abby were on entirely different schedules. Mike worked nights at a shitty gas station job for the time being after his job at Freddy's was... well.. no more for obvious reasons. Even though he swore off the night shift, this was necessary until he could find something better. Jobs were sparse at the moment, and Mike's history didn't exactly make him a star candidate.

A typical night would consist of you making the three of you dinner, slowly forcing Abby to venture out when it came to her taste buds. Recently, she'd taken a liking to tacos. You and Mike would make a joint effort to get her ready for bed earlier together, as Mike was more particular about being there for her since the incident. She'd get a bath, get into her jammies, and the two of you would tuck her in with a bedtime story. You'd both kiss her little forehead goodnight, then kiss your boyfriend on his lips before sending him off.

Most nights, you tossed and turned in your sleep, unable to rest properly without Mike by your side. A painfully dull feeling would rest in your stomach, the lack of his warmth beside you agonizing. You'd spend all night waiting for 6am to roll around as you felt the bed dip on his side, barely stirring you from your sleep. You'd have thirty minutes until your alarm went off, thirty minutes to wrap yourself up into him before you once again went on your separate ways... living your separate lives until you could have your few hours of union later on.

But tonight, you were lucky. Mike had gotten the next few days off. His job was being extra kind as they actually recognized the hard work Mike put in, something he wasn't used to. They'd told him someone would take over for a bit, to enjoy himself, to rest. It may have been a low-paying, trashy, borderline dangerous job, but his boss was nice, and the customers were certainly safer to deal with than those at the pizzeria.

You called out sick from work, not wanting to miss a single second with your little trio. You'd both even made the decision to pull Abby out of school for the day, spending it building forts, watching movies, and eating ice cream. The three of you even went out rollerskating, Mike awkwardly tumbling every few seconds on the rink as Abby would bust out laughing at him. The three of you were now sat around on the couch, Mike smooshed into the far side of the armrest as your entire body lay on his, Abby's head resting in your lap as she sleepily blinked her eyes. She'd already had her bath, brushed her teeth, and all three of you were in your pajamas.

"So, everyone have a good day?" Mike asked, turning his head to the two of you with a small but sleepy smile.

"Mhm," Abby hummed quietly, slowly nodding her head against your lap. It was clear that she was moments from passing out, and once Abby was out, she was impossible to get up without a fight.

"Okay, I think it's time for bed," you giggled, slowly lifting your own head up from Mike's shoulder. Mike nodded in agreement, a laugh of his own escaping his lips.

You both slowly pulled Abby up, getting her up on her feet, her half asleep state making her delirious as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, staring back at the two of you in confusion.

"C'mon, Abs, it's time for bed," Mike muttered, standing up. He grabbed your hand, pulling you up with him. You stood as well, following Mike as he led Abby to her room. She crawled up into her bed, her little body tucking under her blankets as the two of you sat on both sides of her.

"Want a bedtime story?" Mike asked, raising his eyebrows as he leaned down to press a small kiss to Abby's forehead. Abby's lips parted to answer, but before she could, her eyes were closed and she was out. A sincere and quiet chuckle escaped underneath Mike's breath, his eyes full of love for his sister as her stared down at her. You couldn't help but stare, the edges of your mouth turning up into a sleepy smile of your own. He was so majestic, his messy but soft brown curls were laying in every which way on his head. Even though he was much more rested than usual, his eyes were still somewhat sunken in, but to you, that just made him more attractive. His scruff was messy, unshaven, but it managed to highlight his jawline. The sparkle that remained in his eyes, even through it all, after everything that he'd been through, warmed you to your core, your love for him overwhelming.

"What?" Mike asked quietly with a smile still plastered on his lips, his eyes now locked on yours. A blush crossed your cheeks as you realize you’d been caught, your eyebrows raising.

“Nothin’,” you hummed, shaking your head. “Just admiring you.” Your hand reached out to his as the two of you went to your own bedroom, the only light now lighting up your house being the moonlight and street lamps peeking through the blinds. You both crawled into bed, pulling the blankets over your bodies.

There was nothing but silence other than the sound of the fan in your room, the hum almost hypnotic as you wrapped yourself up in his arms. Your head rest against his chest as he instantly tugged you closer, his back flat on the bed as his hand cradled your side. His thumb drew small figure eights on your shoulder. Your body felt fuzzy, a type of relaxation you hadn’t felt at night in a while. Mike made you feel safe. On nights where you two were able to just snuggle up, nothing could buzz in your mind. Anxious thoughts disappeared, even the ones that seemed to be a constant in the back of your brain. There was nothing but a warmness in your mind and a beam of love in your heart.

“Hey, baby?” You heard Mike ask softly, his voice cracking from his sleepiness. You were broken from your train of thought by this, looking up at the man with the sleepy eyes. “Hm?” You hummed in response, your eyes fluttering, but he couldn’t see due to the lack of light. Mike sat up, pulling you up with him as he grabbed your hands, both of your faces now lit up by the light peeking through the cracks in your curtain.

“I- I know we don’t get nights like these much, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m never home, I’m sorry you have to do so much for you and Abby alone. I’m sorry I dragged you into that mess with Freddy’s, got you involved in so much of this,” he said, his voice seeping with sadness and regret. His eyes held an even softer emotion than they did earlier, one that felt like a knife to your chest. “Most importantly, I’m sorry I can’t be the boyfriend I should be. I mean, we should be spending our nights out at clubs, going out on special dates and vacations, and I hate that I’m unable to give you that,” he sniffled, a tear now falling down his eye.

You leaned forward, a frown on your lips as your eyebrows furrowed, your eyes locked on his as you placed your hand on his cheek, wiping away the tear with your thumb as you shook your head. Mike’s own two much larger hands were now placed on both of your cheeks as he continued. “But listen, Y/N, I love you, more than I have ever loved anyone, okay? I- I’m not good at this shit, I know I’m not. I’m clumsy and I’m bad at emotions. I don’t always know what I want or what I need, but I know I don’t only want you, but I need you. You came into my life and you brightened it where it was the darkest. You brought happiness back, you made me understand what joy was again, what it was like to feel.. complete. You saved me, but..” he trailed off again, full on tears falling down his cheeks now. “Most importantly, you saved Abby, made her feel whole again too, gave her somethin’ like a mother, something I couldn’t give her,” he said, his voice breaking at the end. Before he could say another word, you wrapped around arms around him, pulling him into a massive bear hug. He buried his head into the crook of your neck, your mind not even focused on the salty tears and the snotty nose that was leaned up against your shoulder. Your hands rubbing his back as you kissed the top of his head.

“Oh, baby..” you whispered softly, squeezing him like if you let go he’d disappear. “You know I love you so much too…” you finished, pulling his face up by his chin, pressing a soft, gentle but electric kiss to his lips. The two of you then settled back into bed, curling up in each other’s arms as he played with your hair, occasionally leaning down to press a gentle kiss to your lips, small sniffles still leaving his nose from the emotional moment. He was right, it was rare you got moments like these together, but when you did, you cherished them. It took about thirty minutes of sweet nothings and cuddles before the two of you drifted off, in your own little dream worlds filled with many nights like these.

#mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt fluff #mike schmidt #mike schmidt imagine #josh hutcherson x reader #josh hutcherson fanfic #michael schmidt #michael schmidt x reader

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megumi-fm · 4 months

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☆ little changes in my routine with big positive impacts ☆

sleep schedule: after years of trying to make the regular 10pm-6am sleep cycle work for me, I have decided to stop. time is a construct and there is no reason to sleep or wake up at 'conventional time' if my body clock is different. recently I've been going to bed at around 12:30pm/1:00am and I wake up at around 7:30am- which seems to be my body wake time. because of this, I wake feeling refreshed although I'm getting lesser hours of sleep. in fact, I wake up before my alarm rings on most days, and it's always a joy to learn that I get to spend ten more minutes in bed before my clock rings xD

night showers: another thing that has greatly helped my sleep is taking a shower a bit before bed. I find it really calming and as a way of actively processing the day and clearing my head before going to bed. I can also skip morning showers on days I need to get to work early. Plus, clean clothes and clean sheets help me sleep better. the only disadvantage to this is that I'm a shower singer and I tend to get in the feels and belt out notes to my favourite songs, which I can't do anymore considering the fact that my shower is around 11am and I shouldn't be disturbing the neighbors :P

switching out social media: deleting social media apps was the easy part. the real challenge was trying to find things to do in those spark moments of boredom when I find myself on the phone. I tried reading ebooks, but I wasn't able to focus. so I started bookmarking links I find interesting so that I can check them out whenever I get the urge to doomscroll. a lot of studyblr link cool videos or articles on their dop posts often, but most of my links come from the Tom Scott Newsletter. unlike the tiredness that comes with doomscrolling, I always feel refreshed and smarter when I use my phone lately. the urge to use my phone has weaned off as well.

digital journaling: when I first started journaling several years ago, it just did not work for me. I think I was more focused on writing everything in a certain way and implementing trackers and spreads that weren't functional for me. but I switched to notion for the past few months and stripped down the journalling process to it's bare essentials. I add a to-do list for the day, a cute picture I either took or found on the internet, and a note on how my day went and how I felt. there's also a checkbox for sleep, water, and exercise. sometimes I add notes on stuff I watch or read, but for the most part it's just this. it takes me just 15min, and I can update it as and when I like because of the phone app, and it helps me stay productive and motivated for the whole day. sometimes I embed gifs of my fav blorbos and go on about them 🤭

#might add more stuff as months pass but these have been really impactful changes and I'm glad I made them :))#studyblr #studyspo #study motivation #student #study blog #megumi.fm

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pyrriax · 10 months

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For fic recs, outsiders and lifesteal.

cracking my knuckles

(for both of our sanity, i'm going to avoid recommend any of my own work, though it most definitely is out there, lol ;; fics aren't in any particular order than the order i remembered them in!)

Outsiders SMP:

Six Flares Series by kmsquill — Warnings: Major Character Death, Lots of Angst, Blood & Violence — An always recommendation for reading, though I haven't finished the rewritten version, Quill's work is always good. This is focused on the general cast, though different fics diverge and focus on different characters, it runs c!Rasbi-centric Sick, Sick, Sick! by ORPHIC__CAE — Warnings: Drowning — One of my other favorites! I won't say too much to avoid spoilers, but it's focused on c!Owen post-reunion Poor Wandering Man by tbhmellohi — Warnings: N/A — An unfinished fic that can read like a oneshot, it's yet another in the list of c!Owen-centric fics, this one is canon divergent and just overall lovely. Pretty Much Dead Already by tbhmellohi — Warnings: Major Character Death — This one comes with a not-quite warning, since it's a c!Ori-centric zombie apocalypse AU. It is what it says on the tin, however! The characterization here is one of my favorites. Would It Have Been A Mercy To Accept His Fate? Series by Fluffyfifi22 — Warnings: Major Character Death — An AU where c!Owen survives the Meltdown and tails the group during their escape attempt, it's one of my absolute favorite series and a big inspiration to me personally Two Sides Of The Same Coin by Cantspell — Warnings: N/A — Want a break from the angst train? This is about as fluffy and a little silly as it gets. A crossover fic that entails c!Owen and r!Owen winding up in the same world and having to get along, it's sweet and silly for the most part (Self-Indulgence Recommendation) Where The Dust Settles by AvoxUtopia — Warnings: Character & Animal Death, Violence, Blood & Injury — The only fic of mine I'll recommend here: a fan season of the STARR series, it follows a menagerie of original characters in the same settings as Outsiders SMP. Currently in the last stretch of the 3rd Arc!

Lifesteal:

Glass Box by raetae — Warnings: N/A — An s3 Vitalasy-centric fic, there's a lot of references and mentions of people's projects and alliances; it's a good break from the typical contenders for fics! Heartstruck by tempurabbg — Warnings: Violence, Injury — Branzy-centric, it's recently been updated and it's one of my current favorite fics in the fandom Blood Is Sweeter Than The Taste Of Home by EclipsedMoons — Warnings: Cannibalism — Planetlord is a fallen star, he has to eat. Honestly that's just the fic summary but it puts it perfectly. I've talked about this fic briefly on tumblr before? Dear Prince, Held At Arm's Length by MaNicWriting — Warnings: Violence, Body Horror — A royalty AU centered around Branzy/Clown, it's one of the fics I've recommended to multiple people before. Looking Through You, Not At You by Thrills — Warnings: Almost Character Death, Fate Worse Than Death — Vigilante / Superpower AU, this is one I won't say much about because it's one that's 100% worth a blind readthrough aside from reading the tags (Archive Locked) La Petite Mort by whichlights — Warnings: Major Character Death, Violence — Do I have words for this fic? Nope. It's just wormed its way into my brain and will not leave. Digital in Reciprocation by Anonymous — Warnings: Referenced Suicide, Violence — Another one that's wormed its way into my skull. I'd type more about this one (it deserves all the words, frankly) however it's 6am and I should sleep

Aaaaaand that's a wrap for now! I can probably scrounge up some more good recs when I've had a chance to actually work through bookmarkings the fics I like (I keep forgetting to do that and digging through my history is an experience in and of itself.)

Also, to answer this! I did go for some more basic fics, since they're always a safe bet, but basically everything here is actually fics I recommended to one of my friends when it was getting into the fandoms :3

#ask a ghost #asker: anon #i stopped typing this for like five minutes because i got caught up trying to remember whether i grabbed the right link #(there's a lot of very similar premise fics that have their own quirks and charm and i just had to make sure i was thinking of the right on #anywhoooooo that's the post i'm gonna go pass out now. thank you for the ask anon! <3 #feel free to come back in like three to five days for more recs. i will be happy to provide :3

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foster-the-world · 2 years

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Long Day

Had a fun Bday party for baby boy last night. He was amp'd up and very cute. Just the inlaws + my Mom - which was perfect. When the kids went to bed I met up with a friend for Bday drinks. I think she was happy I made the effort to come. Always nice to get out for a bit. Then I couldn't sleep all night.

Baby boy started crying at 6am. Was confused as he's been sleeping past 8am everyday. Turns out he was sick :( The wheezing was intense. The nursing exam I had yesterday include respiratory disorders in children. We had to watch videos of wheezing, stridor, etc. We learned it looked bad but normally worked itself out. He only had a temperature of 99.2. All of this made me feel better even though I know as a nursing student I have zero credentials to make any medical decisions. Sent his Doctor a video and she said to go to the ER. He was a hot mess there. Poor kid was not interested in getting his temperature taken, weight on the scale, etc, etc. Luckily, we were the only ones there and everyone was very nice. Eventually he passed out so I was able to give him the nebulizer and a steroid. He woke up 20 minutes later back to his normal self + some congestion symptoms. They still kept us for another 2.5 hours but it was fine.

My husband and I were supposed to go Upstate to clear out our personal belongings today/tmrw. We only have 2-3 open days before new renters come and our handyman was meeting us there to help. So he went ahead and I stayed behind with baby boy.

Very glad to have my Mom and her extra hands. Baby boy is normally clingy to me. Poor kid being sick double timed his clinginess. I was happy to have him lay on me all day long. I felt so bad for him.

In-laws were scheduled to pick the girls up from camp. Rebel threw a big fit because they would not buy her an Icee. As mentioned, she's having a terrible time recently. Lots of temper tantrums that are not her norm. Both girls were supposed to spend the night at their house. I told them to bring her home. Then they called me to convince her to get in the car seat. Luckily, she did. Throughout this I was at the pharmacy trying to sort out a mishap with the nebulizer order. So glad baby boy was home with my Mom. I had to drag her kicking and screaming from the car. I was proud of myself for being very Zen. Baby boy is obsessed with me so stuck to me like glue while I tried to be with her. He was very sweetly giving her kisses and hugs. Sweet boy doesn't like to see his big sister upset. She eventually calmed down. I hope we can figure out what's going on soon. She wakes up guns a-blazing more often than not nowadays. I remember Bee had a period of a few months where she also had big feelings. I'm hoping this is the same and she's just having some type of developmental spurt that brings out some big feelings.

My Mom asked me if "I feel sorry for what she went through with me" now. I assume I was no walk in the park growing up. She did say "except you handle it much better than I do." She said I'm much nicer than she is. I'm not sure she thinks that is a compliment. She def doesn't adhere to the RIE parenting model. I try to but unfortunately I'm not always so nice. I find I'm much less forgiving in the morning. I've never been a morning person. Need to make some plans to get around that.

Long day. Done now. Thankfully baby boy is on the mend.

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n7viper · 1 year

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getting to know y'all~

Tagged by @commander-krios 💖 Thanks bb! I was gonna try to be cool and be like "well I tagged [these people] last time but I'm gonna tag someone else this time!" Except that it turns out I left it open last time 😎 So I'm STILL leaving it open because I'm shy today teehee :3c If you see this, you're tagged! Tag me so I can see your answers! 💖

Nickname: Just Viper :) I've been going by it for probably about 7 or 8 years now. You can call me Nic if you'd like, though. That's technically a nickname too (but is also just my name)

Sign: Aries ♈️ If you're into astrology, I'm apparently Aries sun, Pisces moon, and Libra rising. Whatever that means haha

Last Google Search: Alfajores! A friend sent me a video that had people eating them, so I asked my Chilean friend about them and also went searching for recipes. They look like tasty little cookies, and I wanna try them so badly.

Song stuck in my head: "Remember Me" by Currents

Sleep: I don't typically get as much sleep as I should. I'm a big night owl, and no amount of conditioning changes that. I usually get around 5-6 hours a night because I can't sleep until 2 or 3 but need to get up at 8. (I have tried everything, including medication, trust me) In an ideal world, my sleep schedule would be, like, 6am-2pm lol

Dream Job: This is unchanged from last time. I hate the term "dream job" but I would ideally work in a specific healthcare field or in animal welfare.

Wearing: Comfy black athletic shorts, a blue tie-dye Spiritbox t-shirt, and an Underoath hoodie from the Voyeurist Tour last year :3 (I'm seeing them in a few days, too!)

Favorite Song: Oh, I can't ever just pick one. However, according to last.fm, my most played song of all time is "Slaughterhouse (feat. Bryan Garris) by Motionless in White" with 210 scrobbles. It came out 10 months ago... lmao

Favorite Instrument: I can't play any, but my favourite to listen to is drums. I love absolutely disgusting blast beats; gets me hyped up every time.

Aesthetic: Modern, neon, or pastel-based things. I know, those are all a bit contrasting. My previous answer was fairy kei, and that still stands. Pastel goth.

Favorite Authors: I also don't read books much anymore. My favourite authors are all of the gay ppl writing fanfic in my phone 😘

Favorite Colour: PINK! Pink pink pink pink! I tend to gravitate more towards softer blushes or baby pinks, but most pinks are good. Green used to be my favourite as a kid, and I'm still partial to it.

Favorite animal sound: Same as Kay - cats purring. Alice has a slightly squeaky purr, and it melts my heart every time. It never gets old.

Last song: I'm listening to "Call of the Wild" by Powerwolf right this second.

Last series: I don't really watch much TV. I keep up with AEW Dynamite and Rampage every week, but that's not exactly the same. I binged the first 6 seasons of Letterkenny recently.

Random: Is mashed potatoes and gravy a whole meal? Because that's what I ate for lunch at 3:30pm like a normal human.

#I'm feelin funky and shy about tagging today; maybe because I'm really really active today and worried I'm annoying #I know I'm only hurting myself by continuing to thing that but ehhhhhh #kisses lol #tag games

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yuelun · 1 year

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GET TO KNOW THE MUN.

Interrupting writing (only momentarily) because everyone is doing this thing and after-dinner fatigue is absolutely kicking my ass. And also, let it be known, Min, that I hope you knew exactly what me answering this was gonna look like. /drum rolls (also I need people to know that this has been playing in the background this whole time and I'm jamming out).

What's your phone wallpaper: Zhongli. But I edited the picture way too monumentally much in Photoshop. On my phone, it has a black background., I've dimmed it because I don't like my backgrounds to be overall too bright, I've selectively brightened some of the veins/lines along his arms and legs— he's a beautiful man and he's beautiful on my phone, he's been on there since I first found the picture months ago.

Last song you listened to: 'Saturn' by Sleeping at Last, but specifically the violin version with Tim Fain. Since I called myself out on this yesterday, the following should come as no surprise: it's my ultimate favourite song for Zhongli/Guizhong, specifically from his perspective after her passing. Aside from that however, it's also simply one of my absolute favourite songs that soothes me to the core every time I listen to it. .

Currently reading: It's been paused for a while, but things I've most recently picked up and haven't finished? 'City of Souls' by Cassandra Clare, a franchise I love dearly, even if nothing will measure up to the first three books.

Last movie: Final Fantasy VII: Last Order, I'm a huge Zack Fair fanatic. But also, it's been a while since I've actively engaged in watching a full film because I don't currently have the attention span for it.

What are you wearing: I live in loungewear or a mix/match of lounge/sleepwear and other clothes; I'm just that kind of girl. Granted, with all the moving abroad twice over in the last two years— I no longer have all of my comfy things. I'll restock. But currently my pyjama pants, short sleeved turtleneck, fuzzy sweater and fuzzy socks. If you ever see me inside of my home without fuzzy socks or fuzzy slippers (you know, like those that look like animals? I'll be 65 one day and still wear them), you know I'm not doing well.

Piercings / tattoos: Neither. I don't even have my ears pierced and it's not even for any specific reason, because I'd like to get them pierced. I just never... got... around to getting them pierced? I would like to possibly get a script tattoo under my collarbone, or something on my inner lower arm in white ink (I do have specific ideas as to what, shh).

Glasses / contacts or both? I'm nearsighted, so glasses, technically— but my eyes either got worse or better over time and my old glasses now give me a headache. I haven't gotten new ones yet, but I see well enough to be okay in the meantime. But soon.

Last thing you ate: ... Chocolate. But I heated up my chicken stew. I love, love, love a good stew or roast. And honestly, I'm on a fries and cheesy pasta binge, so I'll likely have one of those later tonight as a snack as I will, very likely, once again stay up until 6am writing and doing my own head in, because I'm right back there.

Favourite colour(s): Depends on whether we're talking clothes or otherwise. Black is a safe answer, but I like a lot of my accessories in white.

Current Obsession: Guizhong, (Kay, don't look) Zhongli, the Guili Assembly, Liyue the greatest nation in any game to have existed ever; yes, in that order. I guess also coffee. And also, none of these are only 'current' obsessions, they're going to be my obsessions well into any kind of perpetuity. No, I don't need help, I'll drown here very happily. :)

Do you have a crush? Are we including video games because of so... absolutely not, obviously. Geez.

Favourite fictional characters? /takes a breath. Guizhong, Guizhong, Guizhong— oh, others? Okay, uh, Zhongli... Madame Ping, Cloud Retainer, Osial, Marchosius/Guoba because I'm absolutely insane, Yaoyao (did you know that Yuegui, her bunny, was made by Cloud Retainer? I still cry over that), Nahida (she's the only non-Liyue character but I'm in total and utter love), Ganyu (I'm so close to adding her as an NPC on this blog, I swear to god), SKY BRACER-- I have a problem, I'm aware. I'm just absolutely feral over Liyue and it's fine. Let's move on before I expose my love for them too much more.

Tagged by: Literally no one, no one asked for my madness; they knew better Tagging: Be sneaaaaaky. <3

#[ et cetera. ] we think of human life as like a lantern that's lit one minute and extinguished the next. but are we adepti so different?#[ for anyone who knows me-- tell me you're surprised i rambled. truly-- tell me. ]#[ with a /straight face/ tell me that you're surprised. ]#[ ooc. ] wherever her spirit may be among the countless grains of sand and specks of dust between the harbor and the mountains…

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forxstboyfriend · 2 years

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thanks @persistent-wallflower for tagging me 💌

Name: Kyle ✨

Sign: Gemini ♊︎

Height: 187 cm/6'2"

Current time: 11:47 am

Birthday: June 2

Fav band/artist: Florence and the Machine, BANKS, Charli, Paramore/Hayley Williams, Rina, LOONA, Tinashe.... too many lol

Last movie: Fire Island I think??? I liked it way more than I thought I would

Last show: I've been bingeing Real Housewives of New York lmfao

Blog created: This one I think around 2018-ish? But been on here since 2012

What I post: Mostly nature stuff, pretty pictures, shitposts.... but recently more nsfw gay shit

Last googled: "Box-Behnken model" to double check the spelling or if it needed it an en-dash (it does)

Other blogs: none :)

Do you get asks: very rarely (and tbh I hate answering them so GOOD)

Following: 322

Followers: 533

Sleep schedule: I fall asleep anytime between like 10pm and midnight and wake up at 6am to feed the kitties

Do you play instruments: I used to play french horn, trombone, piano, and sing classically but do none of that anymore lmfaoo

Currently wearing: tan t-shirt, black sweats, black bandana, cat on my lap

Dream job: it used to be like an editor at an artsy magazine but lately I've been dreaming about what if I went to school for biology or botany instead and did conservation work 🤔

Dream trip: I wanna go to Vancouver really bad but other than that I'm not really interested in travelling lmfao

Nationality: French Canadian

Fav song: Right now it's Thique by Beyoncé <3

Last book: Just finished a re-read of Anne Carson's Autobiography of Red <33333

I'm tagging no one because I hate thinking of people to tag. This bloodline ends with me <3

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aghadbeenhere · 22 days

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Waking up, then laying back down.

AGHADBEENHERE'S UNNAMED BLOG: 2#

Riiight, and we're back! It's me, AG once again talking to you about random things I thought of in the few days since my first post! (Or was it just one day? I dunno, time's a blur for me now.) and today I woke up at 4 in the afternoon, impressiiiiveee! I'm very much aware of the fact my sleep schedule isn't EXACTLY the best and trust me, I've been fixing it!.. A few times.

Sometimes I wake up at 6am, 10am, 9pm.. 3am.. My sleep schedule's more of a roulette wheel at this point, but I think that's alright, it's not like I'm doing anything THAT productive since I do have all the time in the world..

I had some pasta with bolognesa sauce when I woke up, so I'd say that was pretty damn good..

I did spend most of my day thinking about what to write, since my life's not a very EVENTFUL one, I played some games, drew some art, yada-yada..

(this being said art)

I'd say I'm decently proud of it, I'm still struggling to really find my style and how I feel comfortable with drawing.. I think I might go traditional one day, I'd love to carry a notebook around where I just.. Doodle stuff, art pieces, little sketches, notes.. I see a kinda 'charm' in doing that sorta stuff.. And it can really help me just zone out the world around me when I don't feel like it.

But right now I don't really HAVE a world to zone out from, I think I need to go outside someday (in the future, maybe, just maybe) and get some fresh air and think about things, since I haven't gone out in six months or so.. You know, maybe one day I'll go out to sea, I've never been on a boat trip but I think it'd be interesting! I always see some of my favorite shows have at least ONE boat episode (list of shows being: Always Sunny In Philadelphia & Community)

And although they tend to paint it in a purposefully bad light for the sake of humor, I still think about it!

I still think about a lotta things, actually. (Surprising as THAT is.)

Not-so-recently (about.. a year ago or so) a friend I spoke with just blocked me out of nowhere, no message, no notice, they just up and disappeared, and when I attempted contacting them on an alternate platform, I got no response, actually; when I looked at their account, it was entirely clean! A blank slate! No posts, comments, or anything like it! I was SERIOUSLY dumbfounded by that.. Their account wasn't deleted, but the posts were??

I still haven't gotten word from them, and I can't help but at times think as to WHY they just disappeared.. And maybe even think about how it'd be to talk to them again, I know it's a pipe dream, and they may never come back, but I find a sort of comfort in at least hoping for better times, or some sort of closure on that..

But hey, in the probably one-in-billions-or-something chance of them ever coming back, I'd say something like: "Hey man! Long time no see! How ya' been? Why'd ya' disappear?" or something casual, because I would wait 5 years of solitude if I was assured that they'd come back at the end of it, I'd do that with a lot of my friends, they're really kinda why I keep pushin' on and on, and I know that if I just vanished, let go of everything and just gave up;

They'd be disappointed and sad.

SO yeah, that's how I'm still here.

Considering how this is starting to get long and I want to go get some pasta, I'm gonna go for now, but hey, we got a continuation, and we can only hope for a third part.

So, with that, AG had been here, but before they left, they wished you a good day, good afternoon, and good night. (awkward attempt at a sendoff 1#)

-ag

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caltropspress · 1 year

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RAPS + CRAFTS #9: junclassic

1. Introduce yourself. Past projects? Current projects?

My name is junclassic. One word. All small letters. Like dead prez and ee cummings. My recent project is my latest album, Long Days and Short Lives. It's an album that explores daily mundane experiences that sometimes comprise a long day. While having those long days, we often contemplate what got us there and question whether we are moving in the right direction with our lives. These moments can conjure feelings of great inspiration as well as deep despair and crippling self doubt. It can make a good guy wanna flip. Hopefully, at the end of all that contemplation we obtain a calm wisdom or a carefully crafted perspective that somehow guides us through the uncertainty.

2. Where do you write? Do you have a routine time you write? Do you discipline yourself, or just let the words come when they will? Do you typically write on a daily basis?

I write wherever. In the 90s, I often wrote on the A, J, and E trains. Or in Baisley Park on a bench for hours with a Dutch and a Heineken. Nowadays I write mostly in my bedroom or in my girl's living room. For some reason, I feel like I come up with my best shit at my girl's crib when she is knocked out. So this is between like 2 and 6am. That's when I'm in the zone. I tend to write at night. Often till sun comes up. On Long Days and Short Lives, from a song called "Suit of Armor," one of my favorites on the project, the first bar is: "When I'm inspired I can't sleep / That's when I'm at my best." I stay up like insomniacs in laundromats. Ha. There was definitely a time when I disciplined myself by forcing myself to write. Back in '96, I joined my first group, E and J, with my man Ed. We used to practice knocking out three verses. Two 16s (one each) and two 8s for the 3rd verse within 4 hours or less. Ed said one day, "What if they need a new song from us and we gotta tour the next day? We gotta be able to knock 'em out." For some reason, that rigid approach made a mark on me. And I continued to force myself to write bars for years. But the mindset became, "Lemme write now while I can. Because the day may come when I can't write anymore." So I pushed out a lot of material. But now, I don't like to force it. I'd rather it come naturally. Plus, I'm a lot more choosy with my words these days. I also stack lines in the back of my notebook, which I've been doing since 1997, so when I feel the urge to write and get stuck, I have lines I can run to the back of the notebook to keep the vibe going.

3. What’s your medium—pen and paper, laptop, on your phone? Or do you compose a verse in your head and keep it there until it’s time to record?

My medium is paper. Always will be. Sometimes I think of a line, then scratch it out and tweak it. Sometimes I move lines around. I need a visual medium to see and read the words. Never been too good at constructing verses in my head. That's an amazing talent I have rarely come across. But I used to be nasty off the top.

4. Do you write in bars, or is it more disorganized than that?

I write in bars. Learned to count them early during the E and J days in 1996. Counting bars was important because that's how we knew when a song was complete. For me and E, it was a race to 16. Soon as we hit that sweet 16 it was a celebration. Crack the Cisco!

5. How long into writing a verse or a song do you know it’s not working out the way you had in mind? Do you trash the material forever, or do you keep the discarded material to be reworked later?

It varies on when I know whether a verse or song is or isn't working. Might be midway, verse and a half in, when I say, "This ain't it." I've had some ambitious concepts I tried to do that I couldn't properly pull off. And I didn't realize it until the 4th verse. Yep. 4th verse. I'll share that one. I wanted to do a tribute to Nas' "I Gave You Power" back in 2020 for my last album The Hope Business. So I wrote a song from the perspective of a body camera that somehow gains self awareness. After repeatedly witnessing police brutality in real time, the camera decides to detonate itself and explode on a bigoted officer. In the first two verses, I described several horrific scenes that really happened. The third verse the camera gets awareness. And in the 4th verse it detonates. But after nearing completion, I just felt like something was missing from the song. So I never recorded the joint. Still got the lyrics, though. I don't discard lyrics. Them shits take a long time to come up with. Still got verses in my head from 1997 that I find very interesting and just might use one day.

6. Have you engaged with any other type of writing, whether presently or in the past? Fiction? Poetry? Playwriting? If so, how has that mode influenced your songwriting?

I have engaged in other writing outside of rhymes fo sho. I work with at-risk youth as part of my 9-to-5, and I have to document what we discuss and some of the activities we partake in. So I write nonfiction for a living. I think it helps with my writing process. The things the kids experience and my advice to them also adds to my perspective. I really like to focus on details. I think capturing detail makes for compelling writing. I want to get better at that. And the nonfiction writing is full of details. So that helps.

7. How much editing do you do after initially writing a verse/song? Do you labor over verses, working on them over a long period of time, or do you start and finish a piece in a quick burst?

I definitely edit verses. But I used to be much quicker with my editing than I am now. I definitely labor over verses. I'll be stuck on a line for a half hour or longer. I'll burn an L and sit there and stare at that page until those words come. And when that breakthrough happens! Man, it's euphoric. It's a great release. But if I really can't get it, I'll go for a walk. Listen to music. Or watch something interesting and come back to it. Sometimes I might just say eff it and stop. Start something new. And never come back to it until I stumble over the four bars previously abandoned and think, "This is dope!" and add that four to the new verse I started. Or make it a hook.

8. Do you write to a beat, or do you adjust and tweak lyrics to fit a beat?

Sometimes I'll write to a beat. But my preferred method is writing acapella. That's where I started. Writing in class my junior year of high school. Writing on the train. Writing when I had no music. So my flow, my enunciation of the words, became the music. The way the words rolled off the tongue made a beat of its own. Which I always thought was dope. The method I use the most is listening to the beat for a bit, finding the tempo, then writing with no beat. Sometimes the beat playing repeatedly can become a distraction. I wanna focus on the words.

9. What dictates the direction of your lyrics? Are you led by an idea or topic you have in mind beforehand? Is it stream-of-consciousness? Is what you come up with determined by the constraint of the rhymes?

The direction of the lyrics depend. Usually the beat will dictate the lyrical concept. But there are times when I have lyrics and find a beat that works for them. But typically the beat brings out the content. For the song "Dignity," off Long Days, the beat called for the content. But funny enough, I had a lot of those bars before I heard the beat: "Panicking / Team player but I'm managing / Need some peanut butter so we can smother the jam I'm in." I had that line already. But I was looking for a moody beat to drop those to. Shout to Koba Dera, who produced "Dignity." He nailed it. My man l8sho told me that song is gonna be his winter anthem. That beat feels like a cold wind.

10. Do you like to experiment with different forms and rhyme schemes, or do you keep your bars free and flexible?

I definitely like to play with flows and rhyme schemes. I feel like the best emcees keep the listener guessing. So I try to be somewhat unpredictable. I'd say I have four different flows. I have a slow steady flow. I have a fast flow. I have this thing about rhyming words in between the bars. And I have a more traditional flow where I gotta make the end of every bar rhyme. But I prefer to play with it. There are times when I am rigid and sparse with the flow, but that's usually when I'm just talking to the listener. On "Cousin Boogzee," produced by Iron Fizt, another cat who nailed it with the beat, I'm just talking: "And it's sweet when the mayor saying crime going down / While rounds are going off / And kids are diving toward the ground/...I mean diving like they by the pool / They bodied my little bro right by the school". Rest in Paradise Step.

11. What’s a verse you’re particularly proud of, one where you met the vision for what you desire to do with your lyrics?

A verse I'm particularly proud of is the second verse in "Suit of Armor," a song I mentioned earlier. The verse: "You barter with mortgage lenders / I argue with fortune tellers." So you are doing grown man business by working on a mortgage. I'm arguing with people who predict the future. I am not where you are. I'm in a more desperate position. Then it continues, "Had past lives I just can't remember / Or surrender…" Then one of my favorite bars, "Fake promises / Raised my pain tolerance." That's just real. "Remain anonymous / Strain to maintain dominance." Then arguably my favorite four bars on the whole project: "Old head / Steps on the train looking so calm / Train starts moving but dude don't even hold on / Every stride worry free / I glance at him nervously / Hope he don't slip but he used to the adversity." He's used to shit being difficult. That's why his stride is worry free, despite the train moving. He does this shit. Daily. So it's not as intense or scary to him.

12. Can you pick a favorite bar of yours and describe the genesis of it?

A favorite bar of mine became the album title. I said in 1997: "Brothers going through long days and short lives." That was so compelling to me I held onto that shit for 25 years and named my new album after that bar. It says so much with so little. Since I dropped this album on November 4th, several people I met through music have passed away. The oldest was 50. That's a short life. God Bless Your life Big Spiega. God bless Your life Kuya Alan. I feel the most profound lines are the ones that seem simple but can mean so much.

13. Do you feel strongly one way or another about punch-ins? Will you whittle a bar down in order to account for breath control, or are you comfortable punching-in so you don’t have to sacrifice any words?

I definitely feel a way about punch-ins. To me, it's cheating. Something I try not to do, unless absolutely necessary. I come from being able to perform your music. Not rapping over vocals either. That shit is the worst. Sounds like two people talking at the exact same time. Hate that shit! I like to be able to deliver the verse in one reading or one take. But a one-take recording and having it sound right is a rare and extremely difficult task. But I rarely punch-in. I'll do it over and over until I can get it with no punches. Did I punch on my new album? Yes. Yes I did.

14. What non-hiphop material do you turn to for inspiration? What non-music has influenced your work recently?

Non-hiphop that inspires me is my life. My life and mood at the time I create heavily dictates what comes off the pen. I recently had a situation that inspired the "Pull Up" song on the album. I felt aggressive when I wrote that after an unfriendly encounter, so that's what came out. That vibe was missing from the album so I added it in the 11th hour after J Slikk sent this crazy ass beat. And many people dig the song, so I guess they feel where I'm coming from. I am also inspired by Prince. "Work to Do" by The Isley Brothers motivated me to move the pen in 2022 after seeing them perform it on Verzuz. "I got work to do. Work to dooooo." Their sound, the harmonies, and the urgency in their message, emboldened me to share my urgency and insecurities.

15. Writers are often saddled with self-doubt. Do you struggle to like your own shit, or does it all sound dope to you?

Self-doubt is real. I write until I like my writing. But once I put it out for consumption, all the self-doubt and insecurity comes roaring back. Now my perspective doesn't mean so much. I may think it's dope as hell. But if I don't get feedback that substantiates my perceived dopeness, it affects the way I feel about the work. I question it. And I often feel like I was bugging and it really ain't all that. Until someone validates it and says, "This is incredible." That has happened repeatedly with Long Days and Short Lives. There was a time when I couldn't listen to the album because I thought people weren't listening. When people quote certain lines, that puts a great battery in my back that I'm on-point. But self-doubt is a mafucka, and it rears its ugly head after every release I put out.

16. Who’s a rapper you listen to with such a distinguishable style that you need to resist the urge to imitate them?

Nas is the GOAT to me. I feel like my flow starts to speed up when I listen to him too much. Nas got the illest flow. DOOM is another one. Especially with the one-liners and rhyming words in between the rhymes as well as at the end of the bar. DOOM is one of the best at that and I find myself doing it a lot. Jadakiss and his measured flow is another style I imitate. Buckshot started it all for me, though. Enta Da Stage is my favorite album. Buck's delivery is perfect. I like how measured his words are. That's something I try to recreate. Till I listen to Nas and wanna add more words in each bar again - haha.

17. Do you have an agenda as an artist? Are there overarching concerns you want to communicate to the listener?

I realized a long time ago that I'd rather inform than entertain. I don't wanna have to rap a fantasy life just to keep your interest. Listen listener, it ain't about you. Many years ago, maybe 2009, I wrote: "I do the music cause it's therapeutic / I used to sit secluded / With Clue exclusives / And catch visions to it." I write because it helps me make sense out of a nonsensical world. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm trying to capture the details that make it all make sense. On the last song of Long Days and Short Lives, a song called "Talkin' Bout," I start the verse with: "Shinin' / Feeling like a blind man drivin' / I ain't really knowin' where I'm goin' / But I'm ridin'." That felt so real to me. I don't know where I'm headed, but I know I'm moving somewhere. And I'm confident. I'm riding with my chest out. Like a blind man driving. I may not be able to see forward, but I'm moving forward regardless.

RAPS + CRAFTS is a series of questions posed to rappers about their craft and process. It is designed to give respect and credit to their engagement with the art of songwriting. The format is inspired, in part, by Rob McLennan’s 12 or 20 interview series.

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sollucets · 2 years

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many thoughts head full

#i'm having a genius moment about a wip im not supposed to be working on right now #and about my ocs sigh. lot about them recently. especially briony she's on my mind now i've missed her #i wrote her into some of my personal redacted writing but she obviously can't be a listener unless it's platonic #(so... maybe cam's? :-0?)#but in any case i've missed her #and right now i'm thinking about vincent things as well #and i do have the writing juice back for scarfic so i've been doing that. and every five minutes i think abou tksz #and it's late and i'm supposed to be entertaining tomorrow so i'll need to be awake in the morning.....#(the morning i say like i tisnt 6am)#WAHHHHH #brain full of fictional characters. cannot possibly sleep. what the fuck #i have to clean some around the living room before i go to bed too....#yes mom knows i have depression but standards remain lmao #i am hoping they might come to the conservatory with me #if we can get a reservation slot anyway #and im gonna take them to keys perhaps #and......#weh #many thinking about things #rowan chatter

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laerrynseelie · 3 years

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shadowgast in "cowboy like me"

hello and welcome to another episode of Coco projects all of her issues onto Caleb Widogast and also cries about the Other Gay Purple Wizard™. this episode is sponsored by severe sleep deprivation and being in the airport at 6am, which is where I wrote most of this. but this is also something I've been yelling about for weeks, primarily at @theravenkingscourt and @dinah-lance, sponsored by taylor swift and emotions.

I will begin this dissertation with the song "cowboy like me" by Taylor Swift, from the album "evermore." those overlapping in the taylor swift and critical role fandoms have spent a long while yelling about how cowboy like me was MADE for shadowgast, and it is. here is my most recent annotation of the song lyrics (spoilers, obvs):

cowboy like me has many lines that have a direct, literal line to shadowgast, such as "the old men that I've swindled" == Ikithon, etc. but the things I want to highlight here are the themes it presents, and why I hold these boys so near and dear to my heart, and maybe why you do too. (also cc: @shadowgastweek)

many lines repeat but can have various, literal and metaphorical meanings. "eyes full of stars" can be about Rosohna, the dumancy floor of the tower, or ambition and power and desire. the fun thing about this is that they all connect together into a wonderful constellation of pain :) without Essek's ambition, the beacons wouldn't have gotten to the Cerberus Assembly, and they may have never met. without Caleb's ambition, he may have never been at the Solstryce Academy, ended up with a beacon, in Rosohna, or met Essek, or learned dunamancy, or have the floor of endless possibility. and much of this is put aside for the Nein and each other. "never thought I'd meet you here" indeed.

the bridge and third stanza of this song go SO. HARD. I have spent MONTHS yelling about the hanging gardens of babylon and no I will not stop. first of all, it's just a great fucking line. "now you hang from my lips / like the gardens of babylon" bitch are you FUCKING kidding me. the story of the gardens is that the queen missed her homeland, which had sprawling greenery, and so the king made her a garden that went around the palace and over roofs. (hey hey hey, gravity, xhorhaus, tower, you get it.) and I want to focus on the question on if the gardens actually exist. there are no surviving babylonian texts that mention the gardens, and no archaeological evidence that it ever existed. so it is a story that no one can confirm, or something completely obliterated by time and society. (or misattributed and was actually a different garden but shh it doesn't fit as well) for me, that's a strong allegory for the queer experience, and looking back at history and relationships. moreover, let's think about Caleb and Essek's interactions, and the fear of showing affection == being outed. studying together, talking close, forehead kisses. something that is not confirmed, or will be obliterated by their circumstances.

a theme that stands out from "cowboy like me" is this idea of wanting love. as a queer asian immigrant kid and a sociology student, the conditions of unconditional love is a concept that fascinates me. societally, unconditional love is talked about a lot, especially in relation to families, which we know if not always the case, and we fear it constantly. it’s hiding bad grades from your parents, or feeling like you need to prove yourself to earn love. it’s going to a pride parade and removing the stickers and face paint on the train home. it’s the fear of abandonment, of what if this is what makes it too much to love me. there was a post floating around (hehe, floating) about how both caleb and essek skirted around the ACTUAL worst things that they've done when asked about it. throughout the campaign, something that Caleb and Essek have gone through, not just with each other but the rest of the Nein, is hiding the unforgiveable things they’ve done because they think that will make them leave. and they take every unforgiveable thing, and they love them anyway. these things still happened, and that’s not okay, and they don’t dismiss it, and maybe, just maybe, if people can love them despite every unforgiveable thing, maybe they can let themselves be loved. maybe they can love themselves. and maybe, they can love, too.

the fear of love not being enough is also threaded through the song. in the case of shadowgast, it's the question of country, of war, political positions, familial desires, friends, location. (it's the question of if matthew mercer will let shadowgast be endgame goddammit.) in caleb's words, it's complicated. the Nein have defeated a lot "with the power of friendship," but what if it's not enough? what if they don't get Molly back, or they're corrupted by the eyes, or they can't get Veth back to her family? what if Trent gets Essek, or Caleb, or the Dynasty finds out, or Astrid and Eadwulf betray them, or they find their way back to old paths of power and ambition. what if love isn't enough?

"and the skeletons in both our closets / plotted hard to fuck this up" hurts me. taylor swift's bridges never miss. first of all, in closets, gay, obligatory pun, yada yada yada. it's also all the unforgiveable things they've done, war and Caleb's family, "important" but "not good" intentions, and all the people who threaten them now, ex. cerberus assembly, bisexual maelstrom, and the fact that Essek worked with the very people who abused and manipulated Caleb. all these previous fears are present in this line.

and when we see someone who is healing, who is loved, doesn't that give us hope? and isn't that present throughout critical role's history? we get to see full grown adults still enjoy a hobby, with a solid group of friends, tell us stories about growth. tell us healing is possible. Liam is Caleb and the Nein, showing this to us, Essek.

I will leave you with this. there is a theory that every relationship we have is a reflection of our relationship with our parents. every relationship is us trying to get that first relationship right, this time. this is fascinating to look at for each of the M9 (Beau and her aggression and strength and standing up against authority; Jester and her positivity and kindness and acceptance; Fjord needing to be strong and taking control), but of course I'm going to talk about Caleb. think of Caleb and Ikithon. think of Caleb and Veth. think of Caleb's need to prove he is good enough, not just in power and intelligence and ambition, but that he is good. that he is good enough. think of how his intelligence is his armor and his weapons, both literally and figuratively. at making sure Veth gets back to her family. of showing off for Essek, believing in Essek and in Essek's goodness. Essek being Caleb's foil is beautiful, but what if this is Caleb, making sure that this time, they survive.

#shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #critical role spoilers #critical role #cr spoilers #cr #shadowgast week #i just have a lot of feelings about them and i project all my issues onto caleb #am i caleb or do i just want to date essek #both. both is good #maybe one day i'll talk about why 'tis the damn season is about the blumentrio #I have 7 songs currently in my shadowgast playlist

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make-me-imagine · 3 years

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congrats on 5.5k!! you're insanely talented and I'm so happy you're getting the recognition you deserve 🥺🥺 could i join in the ship requests too?

I'm a rather small sized (like, 154cm & ~40kg kind of small) Asian female from a South East Asia country and i prefer men, especially men who are taller and Age Gaps™ 🥴 I'm not sure how much you know about/believe in astrology but I'm a Libra sun, Taurus rising and Capricorn moon so you can do what you want with that 😂

I'm an INTP/INFP (I've gotten both an equal number of times from sites OTHER than 16 personality, tho I personally vibe with INTP just a teeny smidge more) if you do MBTI ✌🏼 I LOVE to read, especially fanfiction lmao, and i also write! I really love listening to music + watching shows/movies too! My favourite shows are all mystery/crime based LOL and I am working towards becoming a criminal psychologist/forensic pathologist/forensic scientist in future! (heavily inspired by Criminal Minds, Sherlock, Detective Conan and the like so 😂) I have a really vivid and good imagination please i can spend DAYS just daydreaming and imagining scenarios that I never finish writing about & generally this is how all my work is never finished loll

I'm the eldest sibling at home, and my parents haven't always been around so I've been rather used to stepping up and taking care of myself (+ my sibling, like helping them with homework and all). Some people say I'm a natural born leader? idk bc I often step up to be the leader in group work & I'll often be the one to initiate things & all. I'm a rather big procrastinator though LOLL so you'll often catch me rushing my assignments & final projects & rushing my revision for exams + finals like, 2 days before the actual exam 💀 which often leads to me becoming more stressed out & breaking down more often than i actually should so 🥲 I'm trying to quit this bad habit though

I love cuddles and hugs please I will KILL for cuddles and hugs from my back by a tall character pls it just feels so safe and comforting to be spooned too 🥺🥺 sometimes when I'm too absorbed in work or something (which happens too often for it to be healthy) I might just forget to eat/sleep entirely AND also my sleep routine isn't the best. like i will literally fall asleep at 9pm, wake up in the middle of the night on my own at like, 1am, then usually I'll be rushing homework at this time, then maybe sleep again for a short while from 4ish? till when i have to get up for school/work at 5:30/6am 💀 there's been days where i literally looked so sick from the lack of sleep where my tutor once stopped the class to ask me if I was okay and if i was going to faint LMAO 😔 i feel like I'm a night owl??? but then also i have no problem getting up super early in the morning so?? but i really feel most at home and really enjoy the 3am nights 😌

i am also the class clown lol but it's bc i just make sarcastic comments and all and my friends think they're funny???? but also i enjoy making people laugh bc sometimes i find it interesting to try and see what kind of things make my friends laugh so it's lowkey an experiment? or like something i want to achieve? at this point. I'm fluent in English and Chinese/Mandarin and I'm learning Italian so I roughly know some basics, and I really enjoyed History, which I took last year but dropped this year. (I'm taking English Literature with Biology + Chemistry this year and they're all great, except I'm literally dying from the workload aaahhh 💀)

I'm kinda clumsy and Not Good™ at most sports, maybe passably okay for badminton but I'm really not that athletic and really not very keen on exercising either 😔 I'm quite creative and good with public speaking/creative writing/impromptu performance/speech though I'd say! I'm also in my school's drama club 😎 though I'm more of a backstage lights & sounds kind of person. I'm right handed (with a really neat handwriting, as I've been told many, many, many times) and I wear thin frame spectacles which I sometimes will fall asleep in & I'm so clumsy/careless that I'm actually really afraid I'd break them (it's happened before 😭)

I'm a really good planner? like i can do up a great and detailed schedule/plan for revision and all but i will NOT stick to what i plan 😭😭 i love to snack!!!! on chips + gummies especially, and my diet is quite unhealthy lmao i literally don't eat vegetables At All™ & i don't really eat meat that much too?? lmaoo please i can go for days without having a single proper meal & just survive on snacking on potato chips + soft drinks 💀 i am a very picky eater though so really me not finding food i like/am able to stomach is also really kind of my fault 🤡

while i really vibe with and love the dark academia aesthetic, i also do video/MOBA games, like i play games like Mobile Legends & all. I'm someone who knows most, if not all the lastest trends (like tiktok, memes etc) but i won't actively participate in them? i just kind of like to know things, like Knowledge is Power you know (I'm a Slytherin, in case you're wondering, though I've gotten Ravenclaw so often it's a close tie sometimes)

okay i feel like that's enough details about me? feels like I've told you nothing that's useful oh well LOL... I'd really love a ship for Criminal Minds and Marvel? if that's possible please? in case you missed it, i prefer men! (I'm a questioning bi, with a strong preference for men) for the hc prompt "what you do on your first date" or maybe "how you met + first impressions"?

thank you so much for being so kind and willing to do this ship requests thing!! I'm sure you're spending TONS of time and effort on this and aahhh i feel bad for typing so long paragraphs now (as you may have noticed i have a tendency to ramble on if not stopped because i am just really Socially Awkward ™ sometimes 💀 and have really bad (social) anxiety too) and i really think you're super amazing for doing this??? I'm so sorry if this took up too much of your time aaahhhhh thank you so so so much 🥺😭😭 really the biggest of congratulations to you for your 5.5k??? you really do deserve every single follower & i am SO insanely happy for you 🤩❤️

- 🌙🏒 anon

Don’t worry, you definitely provided enough information lmao.

And thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it.

I hope you like the ships I made for you

They are under the cut:

Criminal Minds:

I ship you with Hotch.

You get the age-gap here lol. He would be a bit hesitant due to the age gap at first, but he would get over it because he can not resist. He does not seem like the type of cuddles, and especially does not take part in PDA. But when you are alone he would love holding you and spooning, especially after a long day of work. Aaron would be attracted to your uniqueness as well as your intelligence and aesthetic, finding it to be very “you”.

How you met + his first impressions:

You met when you were transferred to the BAU as the new Forensic Pathologist.

Hotch thought you were very interesting when you first met and was definitely intrigued by you.

He thought you fit in fairly well and would get along with the others (which you do).

He appreciates a sarcastic sense of humor, so he would dig that as well.

Hotch could tell you had a form of anxiety and wold be patient around you when you first met so that you could open up to him at your own pace.

What you do on your first date:

He takes you to a hockey game.

He is not the sportiest person but he has had an interest in hockey for a while, sometimes watching it on tv.

When he learned that you liked it, he decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to invite you on a date as well as to see his first game.

After the game, you walked around town for a bit, getting some late night food and talking or a long time.

This allowed you to open up to him quite a bit and you grew more comfortable around him as well, which he is very happy about.

Best Friend:

Your best friend is JJ. She thinks you are really cool and unique and nice. She has the type of personality that is easy t get along with and open up too, so you bonded with her quicker than the others. I also feel like she is into hockey as well, so she appreciates your love for it as well.

Marvel:

I ship you with Sam.

I think Sam is a good fit for you. He is into sports, and digs your aesthetic. He is easy to get along with and very funny. He thinks your line of work is very interesting and loves to listen to you talk about it. Sam also really enjoys crime shows ans thrillers so he is always excited to meet someone who enjoys them as well.

How you met + his first impressions:

You met through Nat, who you had met through SHIELD years before.

You happened to be at the compound with Nat when Sam was there and she introduced you.

He immediately thought you were pretty and very interesting.

Sam could tell you were shy, but that did not stop him from flirting.

Though he also made some jokes and was easy going as to not scare you off.

He made sure to ask Nat about you once you left and managed to convince her to give him your contact info.

What you did on your first date:

He took you to the movies first, to watch the most recent crime thriller that came out.

After the movie you went to a nearby park and walked around, talking about the movie and other crime/horror related stuff.

You got food at a food truck and sat by the fountain together.

He was appalled when you told him that you didn’t eat that often (if came a part of your relationship later on that he would try to cook you meals that you’d like just so you WOULD EAT).

You ended up spending hours together, and it felt like no time at all.

So you were definitely up for another date with him, which he of course asked you about.

Best-Friend:

Natasha. She was the first one you met, and slowly introduced you to the others. She thought you were really cool when you first met and was surprised at how well you go along. That is sometimes hard for her to do, so once you became friends she never took that for granted. She and Sam would gang up on you when you weren’t eating btw.

xxaaron

#ship #ships #ship request #5.5k ships #anon ship #anon #ask

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jaehyunsuh · 4 years

Text

back 2 u (am 01:27); jaehyun // part 2

part 1

"Whenever you need me

stop looking for me, however you want,

there's no room for you anymore,

this is already over."

series: songs for you🌃

REQUESTS ARE: OPEN

author's note: this was written from jaehyun's pov so it would be more interesting that way. I want to try different feelings and pov's with this series so i hope you like it ♡

—pairing: jaehyun x reader

—genre: au/ office! au ??/ friends to lovers/ fluff

—words count: 1.9k

summary: 2 months ago has passed since Jaehyun ended his relationship with his now ex girlfriend, Jessica . He really loved her a lot and even thought she was the girl that was gonna marry him and be together for a long time, but he was disappointed one more time. Jessica was a really nice girlfriend for some time, but after 2 years of relationship she changed. Jaehyun was so in love that thought it was romantic at first, but after many discussions and bad nights he found out it wasn't good for him and decided to end it, now she is begging to him to love her back but Jaehyun needs to find his own way... will he go back to her? Or will he move on and find someone else?

since the day Jessica told Jaehyun he was cheating on him he started to feel really hurt. Yes, he wanted to get out of that toxic relationship but he was still thinking about all the time she played with him and took advantage of him. The last phrase she said kept repeating in his head the countless nights he cried himself to sleep. He felt sad for her, Jessica seemed like such a nice and genuine girl that would love him no matter what, but at the end the money and status was more important.

also he felt sad for himself, what was wrong with him? Isn't he good enough? Is he not worth it? Is he just a pretty face? Those were the thoughts that consumed him every single night and day, making him disappointed, hopeless and lonely.

he was now free from that toxic relationship but things didn't end up being as happy as he thought, he felt empty and insecure about himself. He really needed someone that could truly love him and tell him everything was gonna be okay.

he now could go out with his friends but it wasn't how he imagined in the past. The few times they went out he would just drink until he was completely wasted and even cried a couple time. His friends tried to help him and make him feel better, but it wasn't enough, he needed something or someone that could bring a new energy and vibe to his life.

Jaehyun enters his office and places his jacket on the back of his chair. He doesn't know how has he been able to work and give good results on the recent months, he has been so distracted and upset that he doesn't even wants to get up of bed and go to work, but he does it anyway, gathering all of the energy he can. He starts working on his computer when he hears the door knock.

"Come in." He rolls his eyes, he really doesn't want to see anyone for the rest of the decade but he was to keep a nice attitude.

"Good morning Mr. Jung." Jaemin, one of the secretaries in the company, greets him with his characteristic wide smile. 'Does he never feels sad?' Jaehyun says to himself.

"Good morning Jaemin, how have you been?" Jaehyun smiles nicely, he can't be rude even if he tries his best.

"Great! Thanks for asking. Y/n come in!" A cute girl wearing a white buttons shirt, black pants that made her body look great and nice high heels. Jaehyun starts to feel sweat and feel a little flustered? Why is he being like this? He doesn't knows this girl.

"Mr. Jung, this is y/n your new assistant." She extends her hand to Jaehyun and he still startled but proceeds to shake her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Sir." She smiles.

"Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Y/n." He is surprised by how nervous his voice sound and he feels lime y/n and Jaemin can see his sweat.

"Y/n is on her last year of marketing and she came here to experiment the whole environment of business." Jaemin explains excited.

"Well, i will leave you alone now, if you need anything just let me know." Jaemin smiles and walks out the door.

"Well, y/n welcome to the company! Everyone here is really nice and the pay is good!" The both laugh.

"It's cool that you wanted to be familiarized with part of your career, i will try to make your work easy as possible, i promise."

"Thank you Sir. I will work really hard and learn a lot from you." She gives a nice smile and Jaehyun feels how his heart starts beating faster.

"Oh, you don't have to call me sir! You can call me Jaehyun." He says unconsciously being flirtly.

"But in front of the big bosses just call me Mr. Jung. I'm not a sir, how old are you?" He asks confused.

"I'm 25."

"It's totally okay then, you are just two years younger than me." They both laugh and give love eyes to each other.

the past few weeks with y/n were great. Jaehyun wasn't what was happening but since had such a nice vibe he felt comfortable and happy whenever she was around. She was a really good worker as well, he made Jaehyun manage his time and schedule even better and helped him in tons of stuff and she did a great job.

He felt weird that since he met her, now he feels so motivated when he wakes up at 6am to go to work, and even on the days he has to stay late in the office, he isn't bothered anymore since he has such an a amazing company. He was starting to feel a lot better now, but he was afraid to get closer to y/n and open up to her since all of the previous situations. He really wanted to ask her out and take her on a date, get to know her better, but also, what if she thinks weird of him? What if she doesn't feels the same? At this point not even Jaehyun himself knows what's going on, but he likes it.

either way, there's tiny part of his heart that doesn't lets him, give an opportunity in love. He stills missed Jessica somehow, maybe not her, but all the past experiences and moments. Those couldn't get out his head and i was frustrating him so much, he was the one that decided it was the best to end that relationship but as soon as it happened he felt so lost that if Jessica came back saying sorry, as and idiot he would have forgive her. Thank god it didn't happen because he was going to make a fool out himself.

after 2 months of a difficult heartbreak and having a hard time, it's 1:27am and Jaehyun hears his phone ringing. He always leaves his phone on, and since it's friday night he is watching a movie so he is awake. He grabs the phone confused thinking about who could be calling him so late at night. His heart starts beating faster, he suddenly feels a little nauseous, nervous, he even feels like he is sweating cold.

his eyes open in surprise finding out the person calling is Jessica. A part of him doesn't wants to pick up and just ignore it, but a tiny part of him feels so nostalgic and lost that just wants to pick up and say 'yes, let's go back together'. He takes a deep breath a proceeds to take the call, wishing this goes our well for him, not making him do any mistakes.

"He-hello?" A sobbing voice can be heard from the other side of the phone. Jaehyun gulps and decides to talk back.

"Hi, Jessica?."

"Jae, I'm so sorry for being such a b*tch with you. I really everything i did and how i made you feel all those years. I was such an idiot for letting you go and throwing this whole relationship away." She says while still crying, Jaehyun felt like something was off from thia sudden call. At beginning he was a little excited ?? About it, but now it all seems weird. Did Jessica really changed suddenly?

"I'm sorry, but why are you calling me this late?" He asks expecting not to hear what he thinks.

"Oh yeah, i'm sorry. I've been crying all night and didn't even realize what time is it. Well, basically, my now ex boyfriend broke up with me." Jaehyun rolls his eyes and sighs annoyed.

"Jessica, do you think I'm a joke? I've been the best boyfriend i can for the past years and now you just come back to me just because you are now alone."

"Jae, baby, it's not like that. I just realized you are the right one for me." Jaehyun interrupts her.

"Jessica, goodbye. I'm sorry, but i can't keep like this." He lays in his bed and places his hands in his head out of frustration.

for the past few weeks Jessica has been calling every night, even sending texts and everything. Every single night Jaehyun feels more miserable and confused. Did Jessica really change and he should give her an opportunity? Or will she break his heart one more time? Those were the thoughts that were going on in his head daily, until he was having dinner with his coworkers and saw Jessica being really flirty and touchy with another guy at the other side of the restaurant.

he stares at his ringing phone again and he just keeps playing with it in between his hands thinking it he should answer or not. After hesitating for a while he answers and hears the voice of his ex girlfriend on his ear.

"Jae."

"Jessica, stop it. Don't try to look like a victim, like you regret it all, i saw you a couple days ago on a date with a guy. Do you think i deserve this? What goes on with you that you want to keep playing with people's heart. I'm sorry but I'm not going back to you." He hangs up the phone before even letting her talk again and stares at the ceiling one more time trying to composed his confused mind.

he goes back to the office on friday, with no energy of showing a nice attitude to anyone and not wanting to see anyone either. He is sitting in his desk chair, when he sees the beautiful honey eyed girl entering the door, he feels how his whole body, mind and mood flips upside down and he can't help but laugh to himself.

maybe love wasn't that hard, he met y/n a moth ago and even if it seemed rushed, he felt already so happy whenever she was around. He spent many night confused between if he should give Jessica an opportunity or if he should ask y/n out. He felt dumb for even considering having something with Jessica once again when y/n just demonstrated to be the nicest girl ever.

"Jaehyun, are you feeling okay?" Y/n looks at him worried, trying to figure him out.

"Uhm, no, no. I mean yes! Why? What do you mean?" Y/n smiles at seeing her boss being so funny without wanting to. He laughs back when he realizes the beautiful smile he has in front of him.

"Nothing, you just looked a little bit down, that's it."

"No, don't worry it's nothing. I just didn't felt so good last night." He gives a warming smile and y/n nods.

everyday with y/n felt great, but today was a little bit different. He felt like a teenage that was flustered because his crush noticed him. When y/n asked if he was okay, he felt a whole zoo in his stomach. How could she be so perfect by doing so little stuff? After a few hours of just talking about work, Jaehyun suddenly felt like saying something to y/n.

"Y/n?"

"Yes, Jaehyun?"

"Why if you let me take you on a date and i tell you why was i feeling down?" Jaehyun bites his lower lip playfully but also feeling nervous to see if she was going to accept his proposal.

"Wow, Jaehyun, i don't even know what to say." She laughs and her cheeks start turning red, and Jaehyun finds it adorable.

"Yes, i would love to go on a date with you, so we can talk about a few more things as well." Y/n's mood suddenly turned a little bit flirty and teasing which definitely let Jaehyun be even more excited about tonight.

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sweet-xoxo-thatcares · 3 years

Text

Just had my 1st sleep paralysis 😐

Woke up from a bad dream about my dad coming home as a ghost like that Bill Cosby movie and him and grandma's ghost too felt real to me, but when mom was just there....she was just controlling us and we had strict rules and she was looking at other partners....gay or not, different races.

I woke up crying hard saying my daddy's dead and I couldn't feel my arms. I'm usually able to just hug myself and reassure myself that it isn't real or its just a bad dream and that I'm okay. It's self soothing.

It sucked that I had to work to wake myself up from it with my eyes wide open. And no, I didn't drink before I fell asleep....but I didn't fall asleep till 2pm even though our shift got out early at 6am.

Maybe it was from Me not getting enough sleep, hopefully.

But it just reminded me of how much I still need my dad to be my dad, and not just a distant connection once I move out.

It's weird that I felt like I could grip my toes once I started to say GET UPP, GET UPPP.

Like a moaning idiot. I couldn't understand why my arms, and my hands were so numb and I couldn't get up to hug Me. It felt like my dad side really left, the part of Me that's so inspiring and reassuring that I'm loved, I'm cared for, I'm young and still got the rest of my life to figure out who is the best for me. I'm sure the fatigue was what affected me and my inadequacies affecting how hopeful I feel about the future.

Also because I'm worried about dying internally. Dad represents joy, love, charisma and mom Is control, action, consequences.

And the consequence of being gay, would mean that who I'm attracted to isn't my father....but I'd rather marry someone who is emotionally responsible and responsive to my needs for love, comfort, patience, easing my anxiety, and telling me that I'm the best, that I'm capable of anything.

I want to be able to say my partner chose me because I was me, and not made out to be something I'm not. Not trying to change me to be a more like a god or godess like Jay, where I was expected to look perfect and always be capable to take a hit like a man, verbally, mentally or sexually...

But following mom's control has kept me away from following my heart and I don't wanna disobey God and never meet the right person for me just because I fell in love with a gay life partner who wasn't my own and I loved them so hard, I never wanted to leave. But they didn't care about us, like I did.

I wish, instead of just trying to be like my father, I could find a balance before my feminine, my mother's side, controls me into becoming the office lady when I start my new job, but only to date white, submissive men who could make me happy.

But I don't wanna get married to a guy just because I saw how rough, and how hard, and addicting it is to just find love with someone who speaks the same language as you....but I'm just two shirts away from being my team leader, warehouse dad, because I sorta do look up to him as a work potential to reach 😢

But I'm worried about how unhappy I am, ever since I called the mental resources line they gave us at the job and she asked me, have you been suicidal recently and I just said that. "

Yes, but I'm not looking to harm myself or like jump off a building. I'm just looking for an escape from all this pain."

I was so shocked that it made me part excited, yet relieved to get help.

But I came to the realization on why I've been so in the dark about me being suicidal and depressed 😔

I miss the way it used to be.

And I don't why I was left alone. Repeatedly. Multiple times and now I'm the one still angry, still hurt, still thinking about people's actions towards me all day that hurt me?

Because I'm stuck at a job where I'm not allowed to entertain myself when there's hours of us just walking around and it's physical labor, and most to do without thinking...and I don't like it. I'm unwanted in my presence because I don't want to be there anymore.

And I feel trapped because now I'm living like every other adult in America. Working a job they dislike to pay bills and have a roof over their head, but I'm still not sure whether or not I'll even be able to see my family enough to enjoy this little frustrated scenario of getting 4hrs of sleep, riding the bus/waiting on them for 3hrs at a time unless I pay for $20, $30 rides to my new area...that I'm still not sure is what I wanted.

Because there was no place else to go and now I'm sitting here mad at myself for not wanting to leave until next year, cause I could have gotten a closer apartment now that my next job in January is gonna make me enough to go.

But now that I'm saying, maybe I'm just worried that "once again" something that seemed to good to be true is gonna fade out and then the real shit is gonna happen, just because all my life I've dealt with bipolarism and mood swings within myself, Jay, and my mom, and just like my father....because he still loved her....stayed because he couldn't leave somebody he loved.

And that's why I'm afraid to be gay.

Because what if me and my head make the same mistakes again in love and now it could affect my life because now there's no real mom and dad at home right after a shitty day when I need somebody to connect to with. And now I got 2 vulnerable and anxious pups to not only help out with, but I'm even afraid of getting too attached to Levi and his 2dogs...never wanting us to leave or to separate....I'm afraid of being clingy and vulnerable to hang out and have a beer ...because wtfff so much shit is happening, has happened, what if my crazy ass does fall in love with them too and they're in a relationship?

I'm sorry I'm ridiculously engaged to protecting myself but I have to be a rock like my dad at the warehouse In order for me not to breakdown, cry, rage, scream and take my anger out or be a dick like mom does cause she's pissed and can't be excited around sex, life, love, and her passions because now my life is pretty much on hold til I get a license....

But 6-7mths is a long time for an impatient woman on a high horse. She wants stamina, she wants bdsm without the masochism, and we both want a loving wife or husband and a house to call ourselves to live in with them...despite me having fears around commitment and marriage.

But like my dad, I have to reassure myself that it's ok to love. But I don't want to because I'm scared of how much darkness I survived with after the 1st time I said I love you and Jay just said nothing but alright 👍 👌.

Like it was a stupid job objective and Jay went right back to being a coworker again 🙄.

I have male coworkers who seem interested and I want a girlfriend 😕

What do I do if one of them asks me out?

How do I stop to say no I don't want sex unless we're in love? Cause sex without love in it and they don't care about me, makes me feel sad when I'm the one laying on my back taking it.

It doesn't feel good. It feels like I'm a whore, working and not being pleasured. Playing a role for somebody who didn't care how rude, mean, and disrespectful they were and how I felt about them. Ayunna.

I don't wanna have any sexual relations with someone I'm not feeling, because they don't feel me, but would instead lie about it and hide behind a lie even during sex.

That's why I don't want a masochist or a narcissist. Or a sadist, a sociopath or another emotionless vampire looking for attention and eat up how you feel about them. But they don't give a shit about you, because you already fed both of their enormous, thirsty egos.

They trigger me.

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