#Jewish jokes

[lawbreaker13]

Annual reminder that if your neighbor is suddenly building a shed or a big tent in their backyard for no apparent reason, that is not a sudden disregard for zoning laws and they are not attempting to piss off your homeowners association. They are Jews.

Leave them alone, it’ll come down in two weeks.

This has been a PSA.

#Just doing my duty #Or should I say my #JEW-ty #I’m so funny #Anyway #Sukkot #Sukkah #Succos #Jewish #Jewish holidays #Rosh Hashanah #Yom Kippur #Simchat Torah #Jumblr #Jewish jokes #Jew jokes #Jew #Jews #Judaism #High holidays #Minor holidays #Mine

[gay-jewish-bucky]

Two rabbis argued late into the night about the existence of God. Using strong arguments from the scriptures, they ended up indisputably disproving God’s existence.

The next morning, one rabbi was surprised to see the other walking into shul for services.

“I thought we agreed there is no God,” he said.

“Yes, but what does that have to do with it?”

#jumblr #jewish #judaism #jewish humor #jewish jokes #i copied and pasted it so that's why g-d isn't censored despite that being my norm #jokes that antitheists can't get bc they think g-d existing or not matters to everyone let alone every religion

[thejewitches]

HONK IF YOU LOVE GARLIC BUMPER STICKER

#jewish #jewitches #garlic #jumblr #jewish sticker #jewish shop #small business #jewish humor #jewish jokes #garlic lover #garlic garlic garlic #bumper sticker #bumper stickers

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

#lmao #jewish jokes #the nanny #fran x maxwell #maxwell x fran #fran fine #maxwell sheffield #fran drescher #charles shaughnessy #gif #gifs #gifset #3x26

[loreleitwins]

my english textbook has more common sense than most of you guys

#jewish memes #antisemetism mention #jewish jokes #anti harassment

[lazarwolfgang]

A Treasury of Jewish Folklore, Nathan Ausubel

#jewish jokes #silly! #noodles

[writtenfoxscreams]

Welcome one welcome all to the only time my family cleans our cars.

#erev pesach #pesach #pesach cleaning #passover #jewish #jewish jokes #jumblr #judaism #cars #funny #jewposting

[daughter-of-sapph0]

who had "jkr goes full nazi" on their 2024 bingo cards?

#dostxt #I feel like trans people and Jewish people have been saying she's a disgusting vile piece of shit for years #and now she's straight up posting holocaust denial shit on twitter #if you still buy her stuff at this point then I genuinely hope you kill yourself #I'm not even joking

[virtuissimo]

hey before we get much further into this night vale discussion, can we remind everyone that if you are vulnerable to unreality or if you need unreality tagged, welcome to night vale is NOT safe for you.

it constantly explicitly says reality-bending things with the express purpose of making the listener doubt things they know to be true. They constantly blur the line between reality and fiction by rewriting historical events, in one episode they bring on number of real life celebrities talking as fictionalized but convincing versions of themselves, and in more than a few cases deceives the listener into misremembering facts about the show. This is all done creatively and non-maliciously, but i think people deserve to know that before going into it

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #also theres a loooot of lizard people jokes but the writers are jewish so ill leave that where it is #10k

[trying-to-jew]

Other Jews: *clever Jewish humor based on thousands of years of culture and history*

Me: We the Jeople (Jewish people),

#I’m grateful that we don’t have excommunication bc all of my Jewish jokes are just stupid wordplay #I’m so sorry everyone #Jumblr #Jewish Humor #My Post

[starry-bi-sky]

Broke: danny runs away from bruce wayne because he reminds him of Vlad (bad, overused, fundamentally misunderstands Bruce’s character as a whole for a shit joke)

Woke: bruce wayne doesnt remind danny of vlad masters, but of his best friend sam manson

black hair? check ✅

jewish? check ✅

richer than god? check ✅

gothic? well, mister wayne isnt himself but he lives in the most gothic city on earth so quasi-check ✅

loudly and proudly an activist for various rights including environmental and womens' rights? check ✅

im tired of the "oh danny runs away from bruce because he's rich and reminds him of vlad" give me a danny who actually likes bruce because he reminds him of his awesome kickass best friend who is also stupidly rich

like i’ve been told about the whole “oh fruit loop joke” before and i still think its a cheap, shallow joke if i’ve ever heard one that flanderizes Bruce’s character to an impressive degree. Vlad and Bruce are only comparable in the same sense that they’re both rich and Bruce adopts kids — but he isn’t doing it because of the “adoption addiction” joke, he’s doing it because he sees himself in the kids he adopts and he wants to give them better than he did. Vlad wants Danny as his son to spite Jack, they are not remotely comparable beyond that.

Like, beyond that too i highly doubt vlad masters gives his employees benefits like bruce wayne does. who canonically hires reformed villains and has various branches of medical, industrial, technology, etc in his company in order to help the people of gotham. does Vlad Masters run charities, soup kitchens, etc?? is Vlad contributing to the community? No, no he isnt.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #yes i know its a joke. its only funny in moderation #its also a shit joke #dpxdc vent #this doesnt mean anything i was just getting this off my chest. dont come @ me about it being a joke #i will only repeat what i said: its a shit joke and i dont care #it should be said #also knowing butch hartman and his love for all things superhero i wouldnt be surprised if sam is genuinely meant to be a caricature of #bruce wayne. considering how a lot of other DP things are inspired of the DCU and MCU. Freakshow. the reality gauntlet. danny is reminiscen #of spiderman #like think about it: she's jewish. she's gothic. she's loudly an activist. she's the top athlete in her grade. she's incredibly rich. #she's slightly emotionally constipated. she might actually be supposed to be a caricature of bruce wayne

[the-catboy-minyan]

ok but like... concept

#jumblr #catboy #jewish #joke #this is a joke #catboys your jumblr

[thejewitches]

The Happy Honkunah Goose Greeting Card is limited edition in the Jewitches Shop! 

#jewish #jewitches #judaism #channukah #hannukah #hanukkah #chanukkah #jumblr #ashkenazi #goose #geese #jewish humor #jewish jokes

[jewishfalin]

You can criticize people like Ben Shapiro without being antisemitic... Like if you can get it through your head that doing things like misgendering a trans person because they did something wrong is bad, you should understand its bad to resort to projecting harmful jewish stereotypes onto people because they're shitty.

Ben Shapiro sucks, but he is a jewish man and jewish men have been stereotyped as feminine and there is even an antisemitic myth that cis jewish men have menstrual cycles. So like... joking about a cis jewish man being secretly trans isnt exactly the funny irony joke you think it is.

Also, he talks like that because that is a common speech pattern for a lot of jewish people in certain communities.

You can criticize shitty people without perpetuating bigoted beliefs. Also this shit is just gonna push a guy like him deeper into toxic masculinity.

#antisemitism #i cant believe i have to defend ben fucking shapiro bc goyim jump at any opportunity they get to be antisemitic #like... because of intersectionality... at that point your joke is no longer satire and u r just being antisemitic to a jewish guy #u r acting the same as a right winger and its ridiculous

[tiny-bird-of-sunshine]

there is something so satisfying about two of the most famous and anticipated movies this year, that both broke box office records, both having a jewish protagnist. take that antisemites.

#oppenheimer is jewish #i didn't know but it's reference multiple times throughout the movie and is a fairly important thing #and they have multiple other jewish characters. like a good third of them #barbie is jewish #barbie was made by a jewish woman #and they make a few (respectful) jokes about being jewish that were actually really funny #WIN FOR THE JEWS #jewish #jew #jewish tumblr #oppenheimer #barbie #barbenheimer #barbie movie #barbie 2023 #oppenheimer movie #oppenheimer 2023 #ruth handler #AND in barbie the woman who plays ruth was jewish along with one the lead writer and others

[fromgoy2joy]

"two jews, three opinions!"

Is a complete statistical misrepresentation because the range of opinions that Jewish people can have varies between 1.8 to 5.4 opinions at all times.

1.8 exists in the realm where two Jewish people are mostly/completely in agreement on a stance. However, they are arguing over the word choices of the other person and are citing different halachic/cultural sources. When it is pointed out by a witness standing to the side the similarities of both their opinions, they join together to fight that this assertion is ridiculous and really, the two are in complete juxtaposition to each other.

5.4 exists in the realm of a philosophical discussion where two jewish people are together juggling many simultaneous ideas. Whatever position they are arguing depends on the opposite of what the other just said. They will not be playing "devil's advocate" but rather "advocate for anything that feels right in the current moment/ is interesting to talk about." There generally exists the understanding that the point of conversation is not to come to a conclusion, but to rapidly discuss as much information as possible with the underlying goal of chaos.

1.8 opinions to 5.4 opinions is the range, so the median is three. But in the margin of error there can be as many as two opinions outside of the range.

(so yes, -0.2 opinions is possible)

So- two jews, three opinions- it's really just not mathematically correct :/

#please this is a joke #based on late night conversations in the jewish life room. #jumblr #jewish #this is a joke #jewish convert #two jews three opinions #fromgoy2joy thoughts #can you tell I suck at math #jewblr #jewish tumblr