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hogwartsmarvelmommy · 3 years

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Empty Mugs and Unexpected Hugs (H.O) 🔥

Word count: 3.3K

Enemies to lovers

(HarrisonOsterfeildxReader)

Warnings: Smut (fingering, unprotected sex *Wrap it up*) cussing, that’s probably it..

🌼🌸 MASTERLIST 🌸🌼

With Tom came Harrison, you knew that. What you didn't know was when you had agreed to a roommate situation with Tom, you were also agreeing to one with Haz. “Tom, you said ‘would you like to live with me.’ not ‘me and Haz’” you told him as you stared at the blonde boy who was carrying box after box. He opted to do this shirtless, despite the cold London breeze. A sheen layer of sweat glistened on his overly defined chest, and you hated the way you longed to reach out and touch him.

“I figured you just knew?” Tom said coyly rubbing the back of his neck as he saw the way you stared down his best friend. He wasn't blind, he knew the hatred you supposedly had towards Haz was something with much deeper roots, but anytime he tried to figure it out, you would deflect and change the subject.

“I'm not doing either of your dishes,” you said loudly enough to catch Harrison's attention.

“Wouldn't expect you to, princess,” he winked at you. With a loud groan, and a dramatic flip of your hair, you proceed to your empty room to unpack your things.

Living with Tom and Harrison was way more entertaining than you had ever thought possible. Most nights were spent at the dining room table with one to many empty beer bottles laid out in front of you, while you laughed and joked about things that were probably not funny. Of course there were also the quiet days when Tom was away filming with Haz in tow, and on those days you would usually have the company of one or both of the twins.

“You should just admit you love him,” Sam said suddenly while you were taking a sip of your beer, causing you to spit your drink all over the table.

“Sammy!” You cried out the sting of beer in your nostrils. “I do not,”

“Y/N, It's written all over your face,” Harry argued. They were supposed to be on your side, you had been friends with the twins for years, the only reason you even knew Tom, was because of Sam and Harry..

“I do not love Harrison,” You told them, but even you were unconvinced by your own words.

It was late when you heard the front door to the flat open. The twins had left a few hours prior, Tom was in the states, and Harrison was with him, so who was coming into the apartment?

You were in just a shirt, an old one of Harrison's you had taken a while back, and a pair of cheeky underwear. Tip toeing to your bedroom door and grabbing a golf club from your bag, you proceeded to sneak down the hallway to the large living area where the front door was. Your heart was pounding with the thought of having to defend the place against an intruder, in just your underwear nonetheless. You saw a shadow, next to the couch, and raised the club ready to attack. As soon as you went for it, the lamp flicked on and Harrison saw you charging towards him with a golf club. Luckily he had fast reflexes, catching the club in one hand and your quickly moving body in the other. “Christ Y/N. What are you doing?” he asked, holding your body close to his. You felt your muscles relax into him, thankful he was in fact not an intruder, and you wouldn't have to explain why there was an intruder beaten and bloody by your hand to the authorities.

“I thought you were a robber,” You admitted coyly, stepping back a bit to look at him. His piercing blue eyes looked deep into yours, a small smile on his lips as his eyes trailed down your overly exposed body.

“So you would charge at an intruder with a bright pink putter, in just your underwear?” he asked you. “Also is that my shirt?” you could feel your cheeks heat up. You pushed away from his body with a scoff and turned to go back to your room, already done with him, but his hand caught your wrist, pulling your body back into his arms. His grip was tight as he held your body close to his. Something was off. Something was wrong. This was abnormal, Haz without Tom, and showing you any sort of affection.

“Hazzy, why are you home?” You asked, finally wrapping your arms around his waist, accepting the unexpected hug that you usually would not share with Him.

“Family stuff, I've been back for a few days. Just been with my mom,” He said, still holding you. You instinctively hug him tighter, getting the feeling that something bad had happened.

“You okay?” You asked him quietly. To which he just hummed into your head, still holding you.

“Better now,” He whispers. You're so confused, and exposed. You hear the twins' voices in the back of your head. ‘Just admit it, you love him.’ Was that what you had been feeling for months on end? Is that the feeling you were feeling now, making your stomach turn? “I missed you,” He whispers and you swear you could feel him press a kiss against the top of your head. It's too much, so suddenly.

“I need to..” you push your body away, scrambling to find any words to get you away, your mind is clouded by thoughts and feelings. “Pants,” You finally let out, leaving Harrison in the living room, stunned at how flustered you had become in the matter of a millisecond.

As soon as you're back in your room, you let out a groan, you're so confused. He missed you? You? y/n? Why would he miss you? All the two of you did was bicker, bicker and flirt. Flirt. Because you did in fact have feelings for Harrison. Feelings that were not not supposed to be had towards him..

“Y/N? Can I come in?” you haven't even put on pants yet when his voice calls to you through the closed door.

“Sure,” You call out to him, desperately searching your floor for the discarded sweats you had had on a few hours before. Nowhere, great. He cleared his throat from behind you, while you were bent over, ass on full display. Fully aware now, of how exposed you are you decide to just crawl under your blanket on your bed.

“Did I do something?” He asked, concern plastered all over his face.

“What? No, why would you think-”

“You just ran from me, like literally ran, after trying to attack me with a golf club,” He points out, making you cringe.

“I- Uh, yeah. I'm sorry about nearly attacking you,” You mumble, a little more embarrassed than you'd like to admit.

“So why'd you run away?” he pondered, watching you closely as you struggled to find your words. Unbeknownst to you Harrison was also having an internal crisis. You were Y/N. Someone Tom considered a little sister, Harry and Sam's best friend, but he couldn't help the way that you made him smile every time you couldn't open a jar, and would defeatedly ask him for help after way too long of attempting it yourself. Or the way you would curse at the line of dirt that you could never seem to sweep into the dustpan. The way you would always make a cup of tea before finishing the last, leaving so many mugs with a single drink all over the place, something that would drive any other person crazy, but he just found it endearing, and was sure if it ever stopped, he would miss it.

“You said you missed me,” You finally managed to say, making a smile spread over Harrison's lips. He took a chance, stepping into your room, towards where you were sitting on the bed, and when you didn't object, he crossed the empty space sitting right next to you.

“I did miss you,” He said, grabbing your hand and squeezing it gently.

“We fight, and argue,” You started, obviously ready to explain all the reasons he shouldn't have missed you.

“And we flirt, and share memories, and glances. You drive me nuts y/n. But the second I step out that door, I miss it all. The obnoxious quirks, the way you can't pronounce some things correctly, no matter how often I correct you. I miss hearing you call out goodnight to me in the nighttime, and how you always wish me to have sweet dreams. I don't know when, or why it happened, but yeah. When I'm gone I miss you,” you feel a tear escape your eye at his confession, not sure exactly what to say or think for that matter. His finger caresses your cheek wiping the tear from your face.

“Haz?” You whisper.

“Yes?” He asks, full attention turned to you.

“I miss you when you're gone too,” You finally admit, a weight lifting from your chest. He's thankful to know his feelings aren't completely one sided. Your admission of missing him is at least enough to confirm that you don't actually hate him. “Can I be honest?” You ask, catching even yourself off guard.

“Please,” He says, waiting for you to say whatever you had to say.

“I- '' You take a deep breath, bracing yourself for rejection and embarrassment, but if you wait much longer, you'll never say what you have to. “I get so irritated with you, because everything you do just draws me in. I can't not stare, or listen. It drives me nuts, to be so flustered by everything that you do, and it's the simple things Haz, the way you insist on sitting on the left side of the couch, or how you always make sure I've eaten after a long day. The way you constantly clean up my mugs that I leave everywhere, and you have never once said a thing about them, even if you have had every right to,” you don't even want to look at him, afraid he will be appalled, but you have to say it. “I’m pretty sure I've managed to fall in love with you, while trying desperately to hate you,” you whisper.

That's enough of a confirmation for Harrison, that you're on the same page. With his hand gently on your face, pulling your chin up towards him, he leans in, pressing his lips ever so gently against yours. And the electricity that you both feel from the slightest touch? Fucking magic.

“I tried so hard not to love you,” He whispers. You look up at him through your lashes, his eyes gazing directly into yours, and it's like you're looking at the sky on a clear summer day. “And dear God did I fail,” he whispers, making you melt. He leans back down, this time kissing you with something so much more. It's meaningful, it's beautiful, it's everything you have wanted without realizing it. Your hands are against his chest, feeling each thud of his heart, while his are cupping your face. He kisses you like his life depends on it, and in that moment it surely feels like it does. He deepens the kiss, his tongue making its appearance in your mouth. It's everything and more. You wrap your arms around his neck, wanting to extend this moment forever, and his slip down to your waist, pulling you closer. He pulls away, and a soft whine escapes your lips.

“Tell me to stop,” He whispers, as he caresses your cheek. Eyes searching your face, making sure he's not crossing a line. You lean into his hand, closing your eyes and letting a soft humm leave your lips. With no objection from you, he reconnects your lips for a third time tonight. This time it's hot, so so hot. You can feel the ache forming in your stomach as his lips move from yours to your neck. You need him, you have to have him, just a little taste and you realize you have been starving. With a swift motion you're straddling him now, leaning down into him instead of leaning up, giving him so much more access to your neck and jaw, and then he remembers an unanswered question from before.

“This is my shirt,” He says, this time it's not a question, just a statement.

“Yeah,” You giggle. His eyebrows raise a bit as he remembers all the shirts that have seemingly disappeared over the last few months.

“Do you have others?” He asks. You feel like you have been caught red handed, nowhere to go or hide.

“I- Yes,” You admit. “I like to sleep in them,”

“In just your underwear?” He asks, to which you shyly nod. He throws his head back and lets out a dramatic sigh. He's done for, “That is so fucking hot,” he mutters before leaning back in taking your bottom lip between his and sucking it slightly. He feels his pants tighten as your hips grind into him instinctively, and you're so wet and warm he can practically feel it through his jeans.

“Hazzy,” you moan as he pushes you down onto him, providing a friction you desperately need, even though it's not what you want.

“What is it?” He asks you, as he does it a second time. Your head falls down onto his shoulder, and you don't know if you can even express what it is you want.

“Can you..” You trail off.

“Can i?” he asks, needing to hear you say it out loud.

“Touch me?” The words are like music to his ears, flipping you onto your back as he slips his hand between your bodies, running his fingers along the damp fabric of your ruined panties. The fact that you're this wet from just kissing is driving him crazy. He slips his hand into your panties, finally sliding his long digits along your slit. One thing about Harrison that drove you absolutely crazy was his hands, because dear god were they perfect, his long fingers and veiny tops, you'd be lying if you said you had never gotten off imagining his fingers in the place of yours, and now, actually having the real thing, you felt like you were flying.

As he slid his finger inside you, you let out a gasp, his being so much bigger than your own, and it being way too long since you had been with anyone.

“Say the word and I'll stop,” He says, as he looks at your face twisted in pleasure, but he can't tell that it's not pain, he's never seen you like this before. This is a whole new territory.

“Please.. Please don't,” You nearly beg as your hips buck against his hand. The smirk that replaces the concern on his face is unbelievably hot, his pupils are blown with lust and you're sure yours are as well. He thrusts his one finger in and out grazing against your spot each and every time, his palm rubbing your clit as he does so. You're going to lose it, this is so much better than you could have ever imagined. He pulls his finger out, causing a whine from you, which quickly turns to a gasp as he replaces it with two. If you're falling apart to his fingers you're not sure how you'll be able to handle his cock.

“Hazzy,” You moan out, right on the brink of losing it.

“Come on my fingers princess,” He coos, and that is precisely what you do, your whole body shakes in pleasure, and your toes curl, and he keeps going, as your walls squeeze tightly around his fingers.

Once your legs finally stop shaking he pulls his hand away, and although that was probably the most powerful orgasm you had ever had, it is not nearly enough. “Haz.” You say quietly as he peppers kisses on your neck.

“Hmm?” He hums.

“Need more, need you,” you say, and his head peaks up, a smile on his face, a bit in excitement, a bit in surprise.

“You sure?” he asks, to which you respond by kissing him, you nibble at his bottom lip, and he lets out a moan. You reach down unbuttoning his jeans and sliding his zipper down, and he assists you in pulling them down. You can clearly see his length through his boxers, his cock, rock hard and leaking on to his boxers, it's flattering. You let your fingers trail his length and you can feel his eyes on your hand, and you're not sure if he's worried, nervous, or excited. You slide his boxers down and his cock springs free, and you can see the violent red hue of the tip, he's begging to be touched and he hasn't even said a thing. You wrap your hand around him and he lets out a gasp at the sudden contact, you stroke your hand up and down a few times before, he pushes you back onto the bed and climbs over you. He slides his fingers in the hem of your panties and slowly drags them down your legs, before dropping them to the floor, and then takes his time lifting his shirt over his head, exposing his chest, you follow suit, and throw the shirt you had on to the ground. You're both completely naked now, no turning back, you've made it this far already.

"Y/n, baby we don't have to," he whispers against your ear.

"Hazzy, stop worrying and fuck me please," you nearly beg as you pull his lips to yours in a desperately hungry kiss.

"Christ," he mutters as he lines himself at your entrance, pushing into you at a slow, agonizing speed. Of course he's only doing this to make sure you're ok, his fingers seemed like so much to your tight pussy he's worried he's going to hurt you. But the way you moan out his name gives him full confidence that you in fact are fine. Once he's fully sure you're fine to take him, he speeds up his thrusts, finding a place that is perfect for the both of you. Your legs wrap around his waist as he pounds into you. You're not sure you're going to last long.

"Not gonna last," you moan into his lips.

"S'okay, me either," he says back. He slips his hand down, rubbing your clit strategically. You let out another loud moan before his name leaves your lips, repeatedly as you convulse around his cock, and it's only one more thrust before he completely empties himself into you.

It's a few quiet moments of your bodies laying flush against each other, enjoying the afterglow of sex. "I'm gonna clean you up," he whispers in your ear before pushing himself up and off of you. He disappears from the room for what feels like an eternity, but is back within a minute with a warm rag and a glass of water, and he then cleans you up, being gentle with how sensitive you now are.

Your eyes get heavy after everything is said and done, and you're worried he's going to disappear from your room, but he lays next to you instead. Pulling you into his arms.

"Hazzy?" You whisper after a few minutes.

"Hmm?"

"Is everything ok with your family?" You ask, getting worried this may have been a lapse in judgement on his part because of heightened emotions.

"Yes. Char decided to give us a scare and disappear for a weekend, so I came back to try and keep my mom from murdering her," he admitted with a chuckle.

"Oh," you giggled.

"Y/n?" He whispers.

"Yeah?"

"I meant it. I missed you," he says, pressing a kiss atop of your head. You smile before falling asleep in his arms. Maybe this was a mistake, maybe it would be forever. All you knew was it felt right.

#Harrison Osterfield #harrison osterfield smut #harrison osterfield imagine #hazzy #haz #haz osterfield #harrison osterfeild x reader #harrison osterfeild x reader smut #harrison osterfeild fluff

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wlwmarvelenthusiast · 3 years

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More Than A Friend

Summary: A weekend trip with Carol leads you to realize you might like her a little more than you'd thought.

Pairing: Carol Danvers x Reader

Warnings: language

Word Count: 6,194

You crept into the bar. It was a rowdy place, even this early in the evening. Your eyes scanned the crowd, taking in all the different people that were scattered throughout the room. The football game was playing on the TV, but unfortunately, it wasn't really your sport. Finally, your eyes landed on a blonde sitting at the bar. You moved toward her, a smirk on your face. You didn't even bother to slide into the seat next to her.

Your hand touched her hip and your lips were right next to her ear when you spoke. "What's a beautiful thing like you doing all alone here?"

She startled a little, whipping to face you. When she saw you, though, she smacked you away, an unamused expression taking over the surprised look she'd had a minute ago. You slid onto the stool next to her, eyes watching as the bartender held up a single finger to indicate he'd be over to you in a moment. You only nodded in acknowledgment before turning back to the girl beside you, the smirk still on your lips.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" She rolled her eyes.

"Come off it, Care-bear, you love me."

"Christ, I hate when you call me that."

"I apologize, oh Captain, my captain."

The bartender arrived and prevented her from retaliating. You didn't even bother looking back at her as you ordered your drink of choice, glancing up at the football game that you didn't care about in order to not look at Carol. She finally snorted and bumped her shoulder against yours. It made you look back at her, unable to keep a smile from forming on your face when she gave you a hearty wink. She laughed.

"How was work?"

You shrugged. "People are idiots."

When you were sixteen, you'd worked a retail job where you'd learned just how stupid people really were. You'd learned that fully-grown adults had nothing better in their lives to do than yell at teenaged, minimum wage workers during their spare time for nothing more than a minor inconvenience. When you'd become an Avenger, you thought that would stop. You were incorrect. You might not have been a teenaged retail worker anymore, but people found a reason to lose their temper anyway- even right after you'd saved their life.

"That good, huh?" She chuckled.

"Are people nicer on other planets, Care-bear? Take me with you?"

"They're not, no," Carol huffed, sipping from her glass. "And the drinks don't taste as good."

You wondered what she was drinking that she seemed to be enjoying so much. It was colourful, and had, at this point, piqued your interest. You reached out and snatched from where it sat in front of her on the bar. You sniffed it first. It was something fruity, that was all you could figure. Finally, you dared raise the glass to your lips. The second the liquid touched your tongue you felt like you might overdose on sugar and sweetness.

"Oh, my God, Carol!" You exclaimed, setting the drink back down on the bar top and sliding it to her. "What the hell is that?"

"She got it extra sweet," the bartender said as he walked by. "Your friend's got a sugar addiction."

It didn't seem to bother her at all. While you felt you could puke from the sugar content alone, she was sipping it happily. You rolled your eyes at her, reaching for your own drink, much preferring the taste of it. Carol turned to you suddenly, the straw still between her lips. You watched as she lowered it back down, using the same straw to stir the drink around, the ice clinking off the side of the glass as she did. She sipped it again.

"What's our weekend plans, then?" Carol asked finally.

"Who says I have plans with you?"

"Oh, please. You practically begged me to come stay on Earth for a weekend."

"I did absolutely no such thing."

You absolutely did do that. Carol was away from Earth more often than not and you missed her. It wasn't like it was a crime to. So, you'd phoned her up and asked her over and over to come spend just one weekend on Earth with you. She'd finally agreed on the eighth ask, and now here you sat; on the right of the girl you'd missed so dearly, teasing her relentlessly about whatever that abomination was swirling around in her glass.

"We're taking my new car on a little road trip," you finally gave, sipping your drink. "Music, fast-food, and deep talks on the interstate."

"Snacks?"

"Snacks too," you promised with a chuckle. "And we can get a nice motel room or pitch a tent at night. Whichever you please."

You had to laugh at the smile that had crept over her face. The way she giggled in excitement, you had to wonder if it'd just been too long since her last day off or if the alcohol had gotten to her already. She waved the bartender lever as she finished hers. He placed a new one in front of her, and she thanked him quickly, bringing it close and immediately bringing the straw between her lips. You wondered whether the sugar or alcohol content would hospitalize her quicker.

"So, when do we leave?" She chirped.

"In the morning. Don't drink too much. You'll get hungover and I want to actually have fun."

She stuck her tongue out at you. You rolled your eyes in response, finishing your own drink and then declining another. You didn't want to be hungover when you were the one driving the two of you around. The bartender brought you a pop instead. You sipped on it, watching a bar-goer stumbled over with a drunk grin on his face and tapped Carol on the shoulder. He said something you didn't quite hear, but you saw Carol nod. He took her hands and dragged her onto the dance floor. You brought her drink toward you.

Carol was a flirt. She always had been. She was a flirt with you, your teammates, and strangers. She was also gay. This dance with this guy didn't mean much to her. You weren't sure if it even meant much to him. You couldn't be sure that he'd even remember this dance. He was absolutely wasted, and it wasn't even midnight. Regardless, he seemed to be enjoying it. His eyes travelled up and down Carol's body and you squeezed the glass in your hand a little tighter. You were protective of her, despite knowing she could absolutely hold her own.

When the song finished, she winked at him, retreating back to your spot at the bar. She finished up her drink and then insisted the two of you head back to your place and that you were right: she didn't want to be nursing a hangover while you were supposed to be having a good time. You paid the bartender and then linked your arm with hers, leading her out the door and onto the streets. She glanced up at the tall buildings around her. A smile had formed on her face.

"You don't appreciate how beautiful this place is."

You glanced up at the glowing buildings that towered above you and marvelled, for a moment, at the soft light that radiated off them. Your gaze was tugged downward, though, at a rustling noise. You were snapped back into the reality of your city as you watched a rat scurry along the curb of the sidewalk in the direction opposite you. You chuckled at that, motioning to it as you looked up to catch Carol's bright gaze.

"Surely some of those planets are far more beautiful than this."

She shrugged. "Some, maybe. Some are worse. Some are kind of alike to this. This has always been my favourite, though."

You might have understood that if Carol had taken the time to visit the actual beautiful parts of the Earth. But she was always in the city. She'd never gone to stare in amazement at a waterfall or glance at towering mountains. She had never seen the true beauties of this Earth, and you promised in that moment to change that fact. If she thought New York City was beautiful, she would be blown off her feet by the things you showed her.

"One day, Carol, I'll show you the actual beautiful things on this Earth."

"You're pretty beautiful yourself."

You smacked her. That was her flirty side coming out once again. It didn't mean anything. It never had. So, you wondered what that strange flutter in your chest was when she said the words. You ignored it, passing it off as a longing for a meaningful relationship. You hadn't had one of those in a while now. You probably just wanted someone to say those words to you and mean it. You made a mental note to sign up for an online dating site after the weekend had passed. It was too hard to meet people in your line of work without them.

"Yeah, I know," was all you gave in response.

When you glanced over at her, she had a grin on her face.

It wasn't long until you'd reached your apartment building. You smiled at the front desk as you entered the lobby and immediately made for the elevator. You pressed the button to the seventh floor and waited patiently for the doors. You knew Carol was suppressing a squeal of glee when they arrived. She usually just flew everywhere. Using simple inventions like this one had always gotten her more excited than the average person. To anyone else, an elevator was just a boring elevator.

"Can I do it?" She asked as you pulled out your key.

Carol really was just like a child, in a sense. Everything was so advanced out in space that these were the things she enjoyed doing. You pointed out the bronze key and watched her run ahead. She practically skipped the distance to your apartment door. She pushed the key into the lock and turned it, glancing back at you and smiling widely when the door pushed open. You smiled affectionately as you took the key back from her.

She may not have visited Earth overly often, but every time she did, she visited your apartment. Resultantly, she knew her way around. She knew, as well, that you didn't mind in the slightest if she made herself at home. She slid her shoes off and jumped onto the couch, pulling the blanket down over top of her and snuggling into it. You actually took a photo of the sight before you moved into the room behind her, lifting her legs, sitting on the couch, and then dropping them back over your lap.

"Can we watch a movie?" Carol asked, pleading gaze turning to you.

You showed her the remote you'd been reaching for. "Already on it, Captain Danvers."

"I take it back," she giggled, tossing her head back so that it hit the armrest. "That's worse. You can call me-"

"Aw, my Care-Bear!" You laughed, shifting your position so you could throw your arms around her shoulders.

Carol grunted at the impact against her torso. Once you settled, though, she breathed a little easier. You were both squished against one side of the couch, now, but the closeness was nothing new to you. You still had the remote in hand, and aimed it at the TV, managing to get it to Netflix. You flicked on a random horror movie, setting the remote back down on the coffee table in front of you. You nestled back into the cushions.

It had always amused you how jumpy Carol got when she watched horror movies. She was a literal superhero that fought literal aliens all the night and day and yet a ghost jumping out of a darkened corridor had her cringing away from the TV screen and pulling the blanket further up her body as if in an attempt to protect her. She would always adamantly deny it if you ever brought it up later. You would never show her the picture you had of her, fuzzy blue blanket pulled all the way up to her nose, eyes wide, as she watched The Conjuring. She would delete it off your phone as you slept.

Today, though, her nerves seemed to be calmed somewhat by the cup of tea she had clasped between her hands. She looked entirely content, sitting cross-legged on the couch with that same fuzzy blanket draped over her lap and a grey, ceramic mug warming her palms. The alcohol had clearly gotten to her a little, you realized, as you watched her eyelids droop every once in a while. The corner of your mouth tilted upward ever so slightly. She was wide awake a moment later.

It was a sudden jump scare. Even being half asleep, Carol was still paying attention. So, when the TV boomed and there was a flash and a scream, she jumped. The tea that she'd been holding in her lap sloshed over the edges, a large amount of liquid soaking into the couch cushions. You were out of your seat in an instant, reaching for the remote to pause. Carol was apologizing profusely, jumping to her feet and following you to the kitchen.

"It's okay, Carol. It's fine," you chuckled, wetting a dish towel and grabbing some paper towels. "Hey, it's fine. Really. Chill out."

Carol seemed hesitant to do that. When you lightheartedly flicked the wet towel at her, though, she finally smiled taking the paper towel out of your hand and heading back to the living room, pressing the paper towel into the couch and absorbing as much of the liquid as she could. When she'd finished, you used the wet rag to clean the beverage out. As you tossed the paper towel away and threw the dishrag into the kitchen sink, you stood back and took a look at the large wet spot on the couch.

"Guess we're moving to my room, then. Let's go, Care-Bear."

Carol nodded. She trod behind you into the bedroom, where you flopped onto the bed. She was lagging behind and you waved her onward to hurry her up. She finally jumped onto the bed and sat next to you, sliding her legs underneath the covers. You turned on the small TV in your room and resumed the movie you'd been watching. In the soft comfort of the bed, though, it seemed the tug for sleep was greater. Carol's eyes finally fluttered shut and she lay down against the pillows. You chuckled, turning off the movie.

You, unlike your friend, hadn't fallen asleep involuntary. You were able to head to the bathroom and brush your teeth before yawning tiredly and deciding to join. You padded back into the room, climbed under the covers, shut off the lights, and lay your head onto your own pillow. You smiled once at Carol's sleeping figure before you shut your eyes, letting sleep take you.

As hard as you tried to convince her, you weren't able to get Carol to stick her head back inside the sunroof. You weren't sure how to breeze was so exhilarating to her. The superhuman could fly faster than your car was going right now. The wind in her hair had to be a familiar feeling at this point. Plus, there were no laws against flying above the interstate to feel the wind in your hair. There were, however, laws about standing with your entire torso stuck out the roof of the car.

You'd given up a while ago. If she fell out, she'd be just fine. If she got you a ticket? Oh, there would be serious hell to pay. She'd agreed to that already. You'd honestly be surprised, though, if she did get ticketed. It'd be quite a sight to see: a measly police officer ticketing the Human-Kree Hybrid superhero. That sight alone might actually be worth the fine you would have to pay. By the time she'd pulled her head back in, though, blonde hair windblown and a smile plastered to her face, you'd yet to see a single cop.

"Have fun?" You asked, doing up the sunroof.

"Absolutely. You should try."

"Do you know how to drive?" You scoffed.

"I can fly a ship."

"Yeah, I'm sure UFO controls are much different than cars so I'm gonna have to politely ask you to stay the hell away from my car."

Carol only stuck her tongue out at you. She still didn't do her seatbelt up yet. She twisted her body so that she could reach into the back seat. You turned back to the road, but when you shot a second glance at her a few seconds later, she was popping open a can of Pringles with a large grin on her face. She bit down onto a chip with a giggle before turning the can to you. You reached into it with one hand and took a small handful of them, setting them down on the centre console for easier access.

"Where are we staying tonight?" Carol asked through a mouthful of chips.

"A campground up in a small town in Ontario," you hummed. "It's still a good few hours away. I'd ask if you wanted to stop for food, but I'd guess you've filled up on snacks."

She dug through her backpack. "Do I need this?"

She held up the passport you'd made her get last time the two of you had headed up to Toronto. Despite the fact that she really wasn't a citizen of the United States... or even of Earth, you'd managed to get S.H.I.E.L.D. to make you an exception for Carol. It was the perks of being an Avenger, and a close friend of Nick Fury, you supposed. To answer her question, you simply nodded your head as you reached for the Gatorade in your cup holder. She stuck the papers back into her bag.

"So, are you seeing anyone?"

The question almost made you spit the red beverage onto the steering wheel. It wasn't that you and Carol had never talked about it. She was one of your closest friends, after all. She was the first one you'd called when you'd realized your feelings for your last girlfriend, and she was the first one you'd called when you'd broken up. Carol wasn't someone you didn't talk about your love life with. It was just that it was completely and entirely out of the blue. It didn't help that the answer was still no, even after the long period of time since she'd last asked it.

You'd tried to assure yourself that you were just busy with work. It wasn't a lie. You'd been busy as hell ever since Loki's sceptre had inexplicably gone missing after the Battle in New York. But it wasn't just that, you knew full well. Something seemed to be wrong with your brain, or maybe your heart. Maybe it was just that your standards were practically in the clouds, but no one seemed attractive to you anymore. Not even the girl Natasha had tried to set you up with (and you were well convinced that Natasha only knew attractive people).

"Not at the moment, no," you finally admitted. "You?"

"On-and-off," she shrugged. "Just a girl from a planet called Xandar."

A pang of jealousy struck your chest. You were carving something- anything. You would've given anything even for something on-and-off just about now. Had it really been that long? You could hardly believe you were jealous of her. It wasn't like you to be jealous of something someone else had. You were supposed to be happy for her, not sulking over your own lack of a love life... or sex life. You forced a smile at her, wishing it could be real.

"Oh, yeah? Tell me about her."

"Not too much to tell," Carol said, biting down on a potato chip. "She's cute, funny, sweet. A little younger than me, but most people are," she chuckled as she glanced over at you. You plastered a phone smile back onto your lips and forced a laugh from your chest. "Her name's Alya."

You almost grumbled, but managed to bite your tongue on time. You resorted to ripping open a packet of gummy bears in order to keep your mouth full and therefore unable to make any snarky comments. Carol didn't seem to notice that, only reaching over and grabbing a green bear out of the bag. Though you might have been a little frustrated, you let her. It wasn't her fault that you were touch-starved and desperate.

"You know, we could spend this trip trying to find you a girlfriend," Carol grinned, tossing a candy into the air and catching it in her mouth.

"No," you denied immediately. You didn't need for her to see how weird your head was being right now. You were certain there was no one she could find that would be able to snap you out of this strange state of no one being attractive to you, yet craving someone. "I'm not looking for a girlfriend in Ontario."

"What's wrong with girls from Ontario?" Carol teased.

She'd been to Ontario once before. She'd pointed out that, though they may have dressed a little different and talked a little different, the girls from Ontario were just as attractive as the girls from New York. You'd had to point out that, at the time, she'd had a girlfriend. With Carol's ogling at girls on Earth, clearly, she and the girlfriend hadn't been working out well. They'd broken up two weeks later, leaving them both a little hurt, but not beyond repair. Even still, they saw each other for lunch or for a drink, but just as friends. It was admirable; the respect they had retained for one another.

"Nothing is wrong with girls from Ontario," you huffed. "I'm just not in the mood. This is supposed to be our weekend."

"What if I want to spend our weekend finding you a girl?"

"I don't. Drop it," you finally snapped.

Immediately guilt rushed to settle in the pit of your stomach. You readjusted your grip on the steering wheel as your gaze refused to leave the road in front of you. You didn't want to glance over at the frown that had surely taken the place of that infectious smile you loved so dearly. You definitely didn't want to look at it knowing that you were the cause of it. Carol was so incredibly joyful all the time and that was one of the things you loved about her. To be the one who had taken that joy from her, even momentarily, broke your heart.

"I'm sorry," you muttered.

She didn't answer that.

You attempted to swallow the lump in your throat as you tried to focus on driving instead of picturing the frown that was probably tugging at each of Carol's features. You wished you could actually physically kick yourself for what you'd done. She didn't deserve you snapping at her like that. She hadn't done anything wrong. You were just being pissy for reasons you weren't sure even you quite understood. You finally turned to her, but she was looking out the window.

"Look, Carol-"

"Hey, don't worry. Sorry I pushed."

You didn't deserve Carol Susan Jane Danvers one single bit. She deserved more than the world and you swore right then you'd work every moment to give that to her. Despite how you'd treated her for reasons she couldn't possibly have understood, when she turned to you, she was still smiling. As always, her smile put a smile on your face too. You turned away from those soft brown eyes to glance back at the road in front of you.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I snapped. I just... it's a long story, Care-Bear."

"We've got a long ride ahead of us," she tried.

"I don't know that I'm feeling like talking about it right this second," you admitted.

She seemed to accept that. You felt her touch your arm with her hand. Warmth seemed to rush from her touch, up your arms, and into your chest. How one person could instill such comfort into you amazed you. She said a few soft words to you that you didn't quite hear, but you felt you might not need to. You knew they were words of comfort. Just that knowledge was enough to put a smile onto your face. Your eyes flickered from her to the road.

"No problem," Carol chimed. Then, without missing a single beat, she changed the subject. "Hey, which bag did you put the Fuzzy Peaches in?"

"The green backpack."

Just like that, it was easy again. Carol didn't let you linger on just how upset you were for more than a second. She practically dived into the back seat for the backpack, reappearing with the orange package in her hand. She plopped back down into her seat, still refused to put her seatbelt on, and ripped the package open. She reached out and turned up the music when one of your favourite songs came on. You wondered if she knew that.

"No! That piece goes over here!" You insisted.

Carol frowned and handed you the long pole.

Pitching a tent with an alien who hadn't even known was a tent was, up until five minutes ago, was not easy. She'd practically rolled herself up like a burrito in the rain fly right after nearly putting the stakes directly through the floor to pin the tent down. You'd been guiding her, preventing any damage from coming to it. She was listening intently, making sure she did everything exactly how you said. She stuck the peg through the guy line and looked at you.

"Like that?"

"Yeah. Perfect. I think we're just about done, Care-Bear."

At that, she unzipped the door, diving through it into the empty tent. You reached into the trunk of your car, throwing the many pillows, blankets, and sleeping bags through behind her, not caring much where they landed. When you finally shut the door and ducked into the tent, Carol was beneath the large pile, peering out from where only the top half of her face was visible. You had to chuckle, grabbing one of the blankets and pulling it over her face.

Carol insisted she set up. She had you sit aside by the door, munching happily on a small bowl of popcorn as you watched. She carefully unzipped the sleeping bags and lay them down on the floor, putting the pillows atop them, and then the two comforters stacked on top of each other on top of that. When she finally finished, she gestured proudly to her completed setup. You raised an eyebrow.

"We both sleeping there?"

She nodded. "It's cold."

You had to give her that. You were practically shivering just from waiting for her to finish. The sun had dipped beyond the horizon at this point, the darkness of night did nothing to heat up the air around you. You clambered under the blankets, careful not to drop any of the popcorn you still held. You placed it next to you, letting Carol reach over and grab some as she, too, climbed into the makeshift bed. She popped a piece into her mouth.

"Up to talking about it yet?"

It was a genuine question. Carol wasn't pushy. That was something you could tell by her tone. She had waited patiently and was continuing to wait for you to be ready to talk about what you needed to talk about. She didn't want you bottling it up, but she didn't want to pressure you. She was able to do that. You glanced down at the red blanket that covered your legs, pondering her question for a moment. Then you nodded your head yes.

"I just haven't felt myself recently," you shrugged. "I would like to get out there and find someone, no doubt. Recently, though, it's like my standards are unmeetable. No one seems even remotely appealing to me."

"No one at all?"

"Nat tried to set me up with her Russian model friend," you said, turning to Carol with a grin finally on your lips.

"Nothing?" Carol said, an exaggerated amount of shock on her face. "You must be broken."

You shoved her. She chuckled; the offensive action having done nothing. She was inhumanly strong. If you'd decided to punch her, you likely would've broken your hand against her. She shoved you back, only lightly, so you moved a few inches away from her. She stuck her hand back into the popcorn bowl as you shuffled back into your place beside her. She was chewing thoughtfully, and you didn't dare interrupt her with the very focused expression on her face.

"Do you already like someone? That usually takes away the appeal of anyone else."

You stopped to think about that. You knew that could be the case. In eleventh grade when you'd had a crush on Adelaide Artenbaker, you'd suddenly failed to find anyone else attractive at all. Of course, Adelaide had eventually rejected you on account that she was straight as an arrow. It wasn't malicious. She'd actually given you a kiss on the cheek and assured you that, if she discovered wasn't, she'd let you know. It had made you laugh.

Now, you had to wonder if there was anyone that was making your stomach flip and making you dismiss anyone else. It wasn't the Avengers. You'd been in the changing room with Natasha, the Black fucking Widow, two days ago, and she'd strutted up to you in nothing but her bra and underwear. You hadn't even bat an eyelash as she'd asked you if you wanted to get some Chinese food after the mission (but you had said yes, of course).

"Yeah. Maybe."

Her words had knocked some serious sense into you. You definitely had a crush on someone, and it had definitely been impairing your ability to get out on a date. That someone was around so little, though, that you hadn't realized right away just how you felt for them. Maybe if she visited Earth a little more often, you'd have realized why you blushed so deeply when she'd crawled into bed with you last night or right now.

"Who is it, then?"

Carol had a girlfriend. It may have been on-again-off-again, but she had a girlfriend. You were not now, nor ever, someone who would come between that. You were going to let her be happy with someone who was making her happy and you were going to be happy for her. You plastered a smile onto your face and reached into the bowl of popcorn that sat on your lap, letting the snack cloud the feelings of jealousy that you knew now weren't jealousy of a relationship, but if Carol.

"Nat."

Carol didn't miss a single beat. "Liar."

You glared at her. "The fuck do you mean? Telling me who I do and do not like?"

"I know who has your heart right now. It isn't Nat."

This time when she reached for the popcorn, she leaned over. To support her weight, her hand came to rest on your upper thigh. You had to refrain from reacting. You sucked the inside of your cheek between your teeth, biting hard on it to suppress any sort of reaction that Carol would have noticed. It seemed to have worked. She grabbed a small handful and then backed away, the pressure of her hand disappearing from your limb.

"Yeah? Who is it, then?"

"Someone that likes you back."

"And who says Nat doesn't?"

You might have actually been offended if it weren't Carol you were talking to. You were good enough for Natasha, right? She was practically a goddess in respect to her looks, but you were something, too. Not that you liked Natasha in that way. She was a friend. Carol was the one that you cared about. Something about that sweet smile and that confidence mixed with an innocence she had after being away from Earth for so long warmed your heart every time.

"Fair," Carol admitted. "But you know, you're pretty oblivious. With all the hints I've been dropping, you'd think you'd have realized your feelings are reciprocated."

"What?"

"I like you, dumbass. More than a friend likes a friend."

Your jaw might have dropped. You coughed, choking on the popcorn that you'd been eating as you whirled to face the blonde. She had a twinkle in her eyes, and a giggle escaped her lips when she saw the expression on your face. She tossed a piece of popcorn into the air, catching it in her mouth. She chewed on it as she waited, arms crossed, for you to collect yourself. Finally, after a long drink of water, you calmed.

"Pardon?"

"You're an idiot," she mumbled.

Then she grabbed the front of your shirt and pulled you closer. You didn't fail to notice, as your lips moved against hers, that she moved the popcorn bowl so that it wouldn't spill. It seemed completely unimportant, though. You felt everything starting to melt away into Carol Danvers. Her lips were talented and kissing her felt like an intricate sport and suddenly you needed to breathe. When you pushed away, you realized what you'd done wrong.

Her feelings to you didn't matter. She had a girlfriend. Unless that fact changed, she and you didn't get to be more than your friend. You pushed her even further away. You knew she had the ability to, but she didn't resist. You backed off a little further so that your bodies were completely separated. Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion, but she didn't push. She even waited for you to speak first. Your eyes wouldn't meet hers.

"You have a girlfriend."

"I just said that to make you jealous," she scoffed.

You immediately got defensive. "I was not jealous."

"You were so!"

"Shut up."

She did. You suspected the only reason she had shut up was because she was kissing you again. It didn't matter. You were on cloud nine. You felt right again. You felt more right now than you ever had. Carol was exactly what you had needed for longer than you could figure out right then. She was clouding your thoughts and, honestly, you couldn't have cared less. You didn't want to think about anything besides how good her lips felt on yours right then.

You couldn't even find it in yourself to be mad at her for the little stunt she had pulled. You could only be glad that this so-called girlfriend wasn't actually real, and was just a part of her stupid plan. Without the girlfriend, you were free to kiss her as much as she would let you. Judging by how she was kissing you now, she wasn't going to stop you anytime soon. Her teeth grazed your bottom lip as she pulled away, not moving more than an inch from your lips, though.

The hand that clasped your shirt uncurled. She pressed her hand flat against the centre of your chest, pushing you onto your back. You had to chuckle as her knees pressed into the ground on either side of your waist. She kissed your nose once, scowling at the laughs that were beginning to bubble from your chest. You leaned up and kissed her lips for a brief moment, before using a hand to caress her cheek and tuck her hair behind her ear.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing. You were right," you stated. "I'm kinda glad you were right."

"You're kind of glad? Can you imagine how stupid I'd have looked if I were wrong?" Carol laughed.

"Quite," you agreed with a nod.

You pulled her down next to you, wrapping your arms around her and feeling hers do the same to you. You pressed your forehead against hers, taking the time to admire her smiling face. She giggled a little, pecking your lips quickly. She didn't linger, though, having been preoccupied in reaching over your shoulder into the bowl of popcorn once more. She shoved a few pieces into her mouth and chewed happily.

"Care-Bear, what's more important: me or snacks?"

"You are a snack."

You gaped. "How the hell did you learn that term?"

She shrugged. "I hear things."

You rolled your eyes, pushing her away from you. She let you, reaching for her water bottle to wash down some of the salty flavour that had come off the popcorn. She offered you some water, which you accepted. When you finished and handed the bottle back to her, she pulled you close to her. Your body moved until it was flush against hers. Her torso was so warm you could've fallen asleep right then and there.

"You're more important."

Being more important than snacks, in the opinion of Carol Danvers, was just about the highest compliment you could have received.

#carol danvers #captain marvel #carol danvers fanfiction #carol danvers x reader #mcu #marvel #wlw #lesbian

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benka79 · 3 years

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Queer Subtext in "The Guest" (Korean Dorama)

Or... how I justed wanted to watch a Gen Supernatural show and ended up falling for it's Beautiful M/M love story.

I don't know if you watch korean doramas, I do. This time I was on Netflix with my husband looking for a supernatural show, after watching a couple of it, and we crashed into "The Guest".

This attempt of analysis of the queer Subtext will have some spoilers so, If you don't want to be spoiled, jus scroll down. But go watch this show. Hahahaha

Disclaimed that, let's go to the East Sea...

Pansexual Flag for CHOI YOON and gay flag for HWA PYOUNG.

First apparition of Father Choi YOON, walking down a dark alley. You will find by his right, against a closed business shutter, Pansexual Flag Colors. What a presentation card for a priest, and is so symbolically beautiful, because philosophically, the spiritual leader should have the ability to love every creature, no matter what. So it applies to the decision of the writers to make Yoon linked to that kind of love.

Then we have Pyung, the medium. This boy is very enthusiastic, but he has surrounding him his grandfather and his best friend asking him, almost continually, to find a girl and get married. The poor medium doesn't answer, and he looks annoyed each time they mention that.

In one opportunity his grandfather asks if there's something wrong with him, and the boy snorts slightly, avoids eye contact and says, frustrated "No, grandpa."

Jumping to another scene... Yoon and Hwa Pyung are in the car, and Pyung's best friend, the shaman, is alone in another car. While they're talking by the phone, we can see behind the shaman the pride flag colors. And now you will ask... Why? Well... There's this part of the dialogue between Pyung and the shaman, in which he asks why he has to be alone in the car and Yoon and Pyung are together in the other car... Ahem... Pyung hungs the phone without answering. And the scene cuts to the shaman, with the pride flag in the background. The shaman frowns confused.

Nothing to add here...

Heart broken

There's two opportunities in which Pyung shows how heartbroken he was... Because of Yoon and how the writers wrote it with romantic subtext.

The first time Pyung faced Park Han, the assamblywoman, Choi YOON got mad and tells the detective he won't work anymore with Hwa Pyung.

Scenes after this, we have a very sad Pyoung in the shaman house, and his friend notices his sadness and asks if he was dumped.

Pyung looks somewhere and he repeats: "Yeah, I was dumped..."

Who just had dumped our cute medium? Well... Our cute priest.

Another scene in which he is in a worst depressed shape, again, in his best friend's house, he mentioned, gloomy, that at least someone is bothering him... Why? What had just happened in this episode? Well, Choi YOON said to him he couldn't trust him.

The shaman, insightful as he was, says that he looks too sad those days. And when Choi YOON goes surprisingly to his house, the shaman asks the priest if Pyung's depression is because he is in love with the detective. Well, kind of. I can't be very specific with the dialogues because I watched it with spanish subtitles. But that was the idea they transmitted.

Always looking when the other is not looking. And the handsome priest...

And remember in the police station when Pyung called Yoon the handsome priest that gives advises to the congregation in front of the cop?

Gif credit @setsmaker

Another huge subtext is Yoon looking at Pyung when he's not looking and Pyung looking at Yoon when he's not looking. Always related to sad things of their last being revealed or called back. And why is this meaningful and it has to be taken as queer Subtext or romantic?

Kang Hil Young is their female detective friend. As a very insightful person, she notices the relationship between these two boys and in the scenes, she's always separated from them but also she's a kind of nexus. Because both boys talk with her, instead of talk with each other, as the stubborn and shy boys in love they're.

All the "stealing glances" scenes are centered between Pyung and Yoon. And less about Hil Young. This is written on propose to show Yoon and Pyung relationship is different to Pyung and Hil Young or Yoon and Hil Young relationships. Because the boys have this aura between them, this romantic tension always around them. That doesn't happen when they're with Him Young.

The precious one, the fight and the "Titanic like" scene.

Pyung will ask Hil Young to save Yoon instead of him. He is determined to give his life in exchange of the priest. He calls Yoon THE PRECIOUS LIFE THAT YOUR MOTHER SAVED, when he asks Hil Young to take care of Yoon. Why would a bro ask to his friend to take care of his bro? Why he didn't ask to this bro to take care of his friend instead? 🤔😜

Pyung always showing up at Yoon's place after a hard day? Why Yoon? Why not Hil Young's place too?

Also the scene of Pyung trying to hide a talisman but at the same time, sliding his hand with it inside of Yoon's pants and Yoon gay panic face yelling: 'What are you doing?' And Pyung insisting in puting that talisman inside Yoon's pants and then failing, frustrated because Yoon discovered it was a tasliman?

Gif set credit @achiara

Priceless... And gay.

The scene of the fight between Yoon and Pyung WAS HELLA DRAMATIC AND FULL OF ROMANTIC SUBTEXT!

First of all, we had that music playing while Yoon tried to force himself to believe Park Il do (the demon) was inside of Pyung, because if he wasn't... That's would mean the demon was possesing Father Yang, that was like a second father to our cute priest.

Second, both friends had UNSHED TEARS in their eyes.

Third: Pyung was too heartbroken to react.

Fourth, the Yoon ended up ON TOP OF HIM WITH HIS HAND ON HIS THROAT, that, my friends, was one of the most hot m/m scenes. They remained like that, not strangling, but just his hand holding his throat. Like... Yeah. Go get a room.

When they thought everything was finished. Pyung was staying in his town and called Hil Young asking her to bring his stuffs from his apartment. To which she replies 'why don't you ask Yoon?' And our shy medium replies "He's too busy."

So, Yoon and Pyung didn't call each other, but they both called Hil Young.

She asks Yoon to be nice with Pyung because PYUNG HAD ASKED HER TO TAKE CARE OF HIM INSTESD OF PYUNG. (Yeah, she confessed that to the priest)

And i suspect she told Yoon about Pyung asking her for his stuffs because the medium considered Yoon was TOO BUSY. Why? Because the scene in which Yoon shows up in Pyung's town to check the people that had been posseses, he calls Pyung.

Our cute medium goes immediately : BUY MEAT, I'M FEELING SICK, STAY TONIGHT TO SLEEP IN MY HOUSE, and what does reply the priest? I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. NOW I HAVE TO GO BECAUSE I'M TOO BUSY. And he hangs the phone smirking!!!! Translation?

'I'm too busy because you said I'm too busy to bring your stuffs! I thought you didn't want to see me and now you are too happy to see me!!?? Watch me flirt with you and show you I'm not that easy.

And also, the poor girl is so tired to be the third wheel...

When they said goodbye in the road, Hil Young goes inside the car but Yoon and Pyung were there... Trying to sound cool, and 'You did well's 'Yeah, you top's, like two dorks, while the female friend watched them as if she was saying COME ON!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS? At the end Pyung confessed he was about to give his life in exchange of Yoon's life... And shy priest just goes inside the car.

But everything goes to hell when Park Il Do posseses Pyung and tries to strangle Yoon.

What did our cute medium yell to the demon? 'Don't touch him! Don't you dare to touch him!"

Gif credit @knights-in-whumperland

Okay... Those are not words you would say for a not boyfriend bro.

Then... Scene in the water...

They-fucking-held-hands!!!!

Gif set credit @r-a-n-x-i-e

The scene is so romantic I showed my friend (who didn't watch the show) a gif and she said WTF IS THAT? TITANIC?

Because, yeah, hella gay. They hel hands and then... Pyung reacts and before pushing Yoon's hand to release him to the surface, he rubbed his freaking fingers!!!!!

Not to mention he wss carrying with the rosary the priest left in his hand under the water for one entire year even when he wasn't catholic!!! HE DID IT BECAUSE YOON GAVE IT TO HIM!

To Conclude:

The subtext of a queer love story was magnificencia displayed, but it was more beautiful to see how inncoents, and shy and cute these two were with each other. So if you wanna see a cute m/m love story plus friendship loyalty and action, watch this dorama. I plenty recommend it!

PS: I'm calling this ship PYOON!

Buenos Aires, February 19 2020, 00:15 AM

#the guest #korean dorama #Netflix #korean show #ocn the guest #hwa pyung #choi yoon #hwa pyung x choi yoon #pyoon #the guest ocn meta #the guest korean dorama meta #pyoon meta

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worldoffanfiction2021 · 3 years

Text

Eternal Love of Dream - Chapter Next 5

(Image Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/131730357839252427/)

It was the most exciting time of the year in Quinqui. It was time for harvest festival. This was a 7 day long festival with parades, performances from acrobats and a grand fair. Every year anyone related to Quinqui, no matter how far from home he might be, would make it a point to come. Even visitors from all over would gather here.

Bai Xian, the crown prince Ye Hua and their little son Ah-Li had also come to the fox den for this celebration. Ah-Li and Gungun were both super excited to go to the fair. Chong Lin was trying to keep them interested in other things long enough so that they could go only after the sun would go down a little. Bai Xian was so not wanting to walk around in the hot sun and had tasked Chong Lin with this duty.

She herself had come to Xiaobai's room and was helping her bathe and get dressed. Xiaobai had recovered quite a lot, but her wound still hurt if she tried to move quickly or even tried to comb her long hair. So Bai Xian had taken it upon herself to look after her favorite niece.

Dijun had ventured to the kitchen asking his mother-in-law's help to cook something tasty and nutritious for his wife. His mother-in-law was only too happy to oblige. Finding not much else to do by himself Ye Hua had joined in too. They all chatted and cooked away a whole feast with sweet and sour fish, noodle soup, congee and various types of cakes. All of them were feeling very accomplished. Dijun and Ye Hua loaded two trays with all the food and decided to go to Xiaobai's room so they all could eat together.

When the two reached Xiaobai's room, she had finished bathing and getting dressed. Bai Xian was combing her hair and they were chatting. "Please don't tell whatever I am about to say, to Dijun. I don't want him to feel any more guilty than what he is already feeling.", Fengjiu was saying. Dijun signalled to Ye Hua to stop and not enter the room. They both placed the food trays on a nearby table and waited. Ye Hua signalled to Dijun that he will be back soon and left in search of their sons.

"Ye Hua is a true gentleman!", mused Dijun and continued to eavesdrop. His wife was about to tell something to her aunt that she thought would make him feel guilty. So? It wasn't going to be pretty. But he was quite thick skinned and he could handle it. At least that's what he told himself at that time.

Fengjiu continued reminiscing and talking to her aunt. She was talking about some of the hardest days of her life and it wasn't easy for her. But this was her aunt and she was one person Fengjiu did not mind being herself with.

"I waited for Dijun for 73 days. Each day was harder than the one before, but I waited. Everyone told me he had chosen to go to demon realm with Ji Heng. I chose not to believe them. I went to demon realm with Chong Lin to look for Dijun. There they told me he had been with Ji Heng. I was heartbroken.

I returned home here and was crying inconsolably in my room when medicine god Zhe Yan walked in. He sensed something off with me, checked my pulse and told me that I was pregnant. That moment! It changed my whole life.

I remember that night I did not sleep at all. But by the time morning came, I had made up my mind. God Zhe Yan had left me two pills - one that would abort and another that would preserve the baby. He also left a note saying he would support me no matter what I picked.

This was my baby. Mine and Dijun's. The only man I have ever loved. This baby was symbol of my unconditional love for Dijun. I knew he had loved me sincerely too. May be after seeing Ji Heng in trouble, he had decided to spend the rest of his life with her. But I knew when he had told me he loved me, he had meant it. I would keep this baby and live for the baby. This baby would be my whole universe from then on. I ate the pill that would preserve my baby.

Then I packed a few clothes, supplies to hide my birthmark, dress up as a man etc and left Quinqui. First I went to Sky Kingdom. Something in my heart was still not ready to let him go. I hoped to see him one last time. If he wanted to be with Ji Heng, all he had to do was tell me. I would get out of his way. But I didn't find him there. I knew I needed to be strong for this baby. Especially since I would be his only parent. So I let go of everything and left sky kingdom.

From there I went to Nether world, and checked up on Ye Quingti. I knew I would pay his debt no matter what. I left a trinket with Lord Xie Gu so he could reach me when he needed me to wake Quingti up. And then i went to mortal realm and stayed there until... "

"Why mortal realm? Didn't you know you would be all alone and you wouldn't be able to use your magic either? How could you have acted so foolishly, Fengjiu?", scolded Bai Xian.

"Aunt, I chose mortal realm because I did not want anyone to find me. I knew if any of you had learned that I was pregnant, you would confront Dijun and make him take responsibility for me and the baby. I knew what it was like, to stay away from the one I loved, I could never wish that for him.", Fengjiu explained.

Bai Xian rolled her eyes indignantly and continued with the questions. "How did you manage your pregnancy? Going into labor? The delivery? Did you take care of yourself properly at all?". She was seriously concerned.

"I did the best I could. I went to mortal realm and worked as a cook in a restaurant at that time. It was really hard work all day long. My body ached all the time and I was exhausted. But at least the owner who was an old lady, was kind to me. She let me eat leftovers and also let me take breaks often in my last month of pregnancy. She even revived me when I passed out from 3 days of labor pains and she helped me deliver Gungun safely. I am so grateful to her.

I was really sad when her son showed up 3 months later and wanted to force himself on me. I fought him, made him unconscious and ran away with Gungun. I did suffer physically and I was also very sad to leave the old lady to look after herself. But, I had no choice, so I did what I could.", Fengju tried in vain to make light of it. Bai Xian was appalled at what she heard.

And so was Dijun. He felt he had been too naive in thinking he could handle whatever he heard about her days in mortal realm. He had really underestimated her hardships.

Her days had been hard. When she had given him up, she had also given up her family and friends. All because of him. He knew he could never repay her for the things he had put her through.

"You are a Princess of Quinqui. You are the Monarch of this kingdom. You are the Empress of one of the most prestigious, powerful and revered god in the Sky Kingdom. Yet you had to work in restaurant and pass out from labor pains with no one to look after you. That's just so ...... ", Bai Xian was so furious, so flabbergasted that she could not find the right words at all.

"How can you love someone so much? How can you love him so much?", she asked incredulously to Fengjiu.

"Love is mysterious in its ways.", Fengjiu replied with a faint smile.

She knew her aunt was very angry. So Fengjiu reached for her aunt's hand. She hugged her aunt and wiped her aunt’s tears smilingly. Bai Xian's anger melted away. No one could stay angry at Fengjiu for long. With more tears in her eyes, Bai Xian planted a kiss on Fengjiu's head and held her close.

Dijun decided it was about time the ladies were interrupted. He wasn't sure he could bear to know any more of the hardships this delicate woman had toughed out because of him. He wasn't that thick skinned after all. He picked up the tray of food that had gone cold and heated everything back up with magic. He saw Ye Hua return with both the kids and together they walked in.

They sat in a circle and ate together. Both guys were pretty happy seeing their wives eat and praise the food they had prepared.

Dijun kept stealing weird glances at Xiaobai. She could sense something off about him. Was he worried about something? Was he about to go away soon and leave her for long time again? That thought scared her and made her very sad. But watching him smile at Gungun, she reasoned with herself that that must not be the case. She would have to ask him later when they were alone, she decided.

And she did get a chance to be alone with him soon. After the food was all gobbled up, Ah-Li reminded everyone that they had to go to the fair after lunch. So Gungun, Ah-Li, Bai Xian and Ye Hua all got ready to go.

“I will bring you sugar paintings, mom. Tell me what kind you want?”, Gungun said.

“Bring me back one dragon and one fox.”, she replied and exchanged a meaningful look with Dijun. That did bring back fond memories and a smile to Dijun’s face. She was happy to see her trick had worked to lighten his mood.

After they were all gone, Dijun closed the door behind them. He came back to her and helped her walk to the window. Although it was quite bright and sunny outside, the glorious willow tree in the yard provided just enough shade on the window seat. They both sat there with Dijun wrapping his arms around Xiaobai.

“What’s going on, Dijun? What’s been worrying you? Please tell me. And please be completely honest with me, ok? No matter how bad whatever that is, I want to know. And I want to work together with you to make it better. So tell me why you are so sad, so worried?” Xiaobai said looking into his eyes with sincerity.

“Xiaobai, I overheard what you were telling your aunt about the time of Gungun’s birth. I am feeling so guilty about that. As a husband I have failed you. Miserably failed you. I am so very sorry.”, Dijun’s voice cracked.

Xiaobai let out a long sigh and took his hands in hers. She looked at him, quite relieved that the worry wasn't anything about their future. She began to talk. “Dijun, what has passed is gone by. No matter what, we can never change it. So please let it all go. I do feel guilty about misunderstanding you, about talking to you coldly last time we met in the Sky Kingdom and keeping your son away from you for so long. But I am learning from it and learning to let it go. Let’s promise to always be completely honest with each other. Let’s start over, ok?”

A deep sigh left Dijun’s mouth as relief washed over him. His Xiaobai was still willing to give him another chance. She was asking to start afresh with him.

“When did my silly little fox become so wise?”, he chuckled and petted her nose. Hugging her, he let out a long sigh. She shifted to be more closer to him.

He pulled her close and said, “Are you tired, Xiaobai? Sleep a little if you are tired.” He planted a soft kiss on her hair, “Be a good girl and take rest for a while. We can take a small walk outside later if you feel better.”

“Hhmm..”, she said. Then she sunk her head on his chest and closed her eyes contentedly.

#three lives three worlds the pillow book #eternal love of dream #pillow book #bai feng jiu #dong hua #donghua dijun #xiao bai #cdrama

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misssophiachase · 3 years

Note

prompt- AH Klaroline. we usually see klaus developing feelings for caroline while she's in a relationship with someone else. i would like to see something where klaus has been in an established relationship with another girl and caroline realizes that she's developed feelings for him. (if you don't have time to do this one, don't worry about it).

Thanks nonnie, I love it so much! Inspired really. Got a bit carried away too, see notes at the end.

Synopsis: One wedding and a completely confused best man and maid of honour.

“And all you never say is that you love me so.”

All You Never Say

Caroline Forbes, Maid of Honour, Invites you to celebrate:

The Bachelorette Party for

Katherine Pierce

On Saturday fifteenth of June, twenty-twenty one at Connaught Bar, Mayfair, London at 2000h

Dress: Party Attire

One week before the nuptials - Connaught Bar, London England, 10:21pm

“What happened to the Kitty Kat I knew who’d usually be dancing on the bar right now and showing the stripper just how it’s done?”

Although her tone was light and teasing, Caroline was a little disappointed given this was her best friend’s bachelorette party and there wasn’t a tacky veil or penis straw in sight.

Also, they’d been forced to hire out a venue to avoid unwanted media attention before the big day so the atmosphere wasn’t quite what she was expecting either.

The word lacklustre seemed a good word to describe it all.

Maid of Honour Caroline had been banned from most fun things when organising Kat’s last night of ‘freedom’.

“She’s marrying one of the United Kingdom’s most eligible bachelors, not to mention the youngest Minister in the Government’s Cabinet. That doesn’t really go with the wholesome reputation she’s trying to portray, Care,” Bonnie offered, eating the olive from her martini. “Although, I think it’s a shame you can’t put those pole dancing moves we learned in Cabo to good use.”

“This is one pathetic stripper, just saying,” Rebekah offered, joining them at the bar and stealing Bonnie’s drink from her outstretched hands.

“I was on the other side of the world, I could only go by his rating on the internet,” Caroline argued. “Plus, I also had to find one who kept some clothes on and we all know what that means.”

“What’s underneath doesn’t match the whole package,” Bonnie finished. “We don’t need to tip him, do we?”

When Katherine called Caroline thirteen months earlier to say she was engaged to Elijah, Caroline couldn’t have been happier. They’d all met each other at private boarding school and had stayed in touch ever since and even though they seemed like opposites, Kat and Elijah complemented one another.

Also, Katherine’s job as head neurosurgeon at one of London’s most prestigious private hospitals and her impressive family inheritance greatly helped matters when it came to swaying his parents on the engagement.

The Mikaelsons.

Mikael and Esther were extremely wealthy and well-connected in English society. They came from family money and owned a large and impressive property portfolio spanning the entire globe and had sent their children to the best boarding school the US had to offer.

Phillips Exeter Academy in New Hampshire.

Caroline wasn’t wealthy like the rest of her friends. She’d be lying if that fact didn’t make her feel somewhat inferior. Her father owned the local general store and, if it weren’t for her scholarship, Caroline would have ended up in public school. Not that she would have minded but her father insisted it was too good an opportunity to pass up.

Attending the exclusive boarding school had been an adjustment to say the least and not just because of the ugly and uncomfortable uniforms they had to wear. Caroline was assigned to a room with three fellow students.

Katherine Pierce, although the daughter of a talented cardiothoracic surgeon and a world class architect, was wild and impulsive and constantly in trouble with the dean for her indiscretions like sneaking out to meet boys and smoking on occasion.

Bonnie Bennett was the gorgeous but serious high achiever whose parents owned one of the biggest publishing houses in the world. She was taught never to take anything for granted and work hard for what she wanted in life.

Rebekah Mikaelson, while strong-willed and passionate, was the odd one out from the beginning. She made it her aim in life to drive the other girls crazy with her brittle personality and unwanted opinions. Although it took a while, and a few choice fights that needed to be broken up between her and Katherine, the girls became best friends.

Rebekah’s brothers all attended the school at the same time but in different years with Elijah the eldest followed by Klaus then Kol and youngest sibling Rebekah.

The Mikaelson boys and their best friend from home, Enzo St John, were definitely the most popular and sought after by the female student body. Caroline, not being one to conform, refused to play that game. She had no intention of stroking their egos any further, especially head womaniser Klaus.

There was no doubting he was gorgeous, it ran in their family after all, but he knew it.

Caroline found that she could have a fun time with Enzo, a deep and meaningful discussion with Elijah and a joke with Kol but when it came to Klaus all he did was tease her and rile her up.

Of course she told herself it was because he was an immature idiot but wasn’t overly convinced it was the only reason given the looks she’d send his way when she knew no one was looking. Caroline hoped whatever weird thing was happening would dissipate when they graduated.

Kol and Bonnie had dated for a year at school, but apart from them they all stayed friends. So much so, that after they’d all graduated and gone their separate ways in life they still caught up for most significant occasions.

This wedding being one of many.

Katherine and Elijah had reconnected in Boston and, even though she always said he was too serious, they fell in love and were now on the verge of marriage.

Caroline was so excited, if not about the bachelorette party.

“Who are we kidding? I got the wild stuff out when you three were all too busy being good girls in boarding school,” she scoffed. Caroline wouldn’t admit it aloud but she had a point. “And there’s nothing stopping you three from getting up there with the stripper.”

“Pass,” all three replied, looking up at him ominously.

“How about we get out of here and see what the boys are up to?” Katherine suggested a twinkle in her brown eyes.

“Because I think that defeats the purpose of a bachelorette party, Pierce,” Caroline drawled. “And this is Elijah, no offence but poker doesn’t sound all that exciting if you ask me.”

“Says the girl with the special poker skills,” Kat smiled deviously. “Klaus likes to think he’s the best player but we all know you could give him a run for his money. I’d say watching you fleece him is a fun way to spend an evening.”

Caroline had to admit angering the best man and her wedding partner certainly had its benefits. They’d seen each other in passing the previous day on arrival but otherwise hadn’t connected much recently because she was based on the West coast in Los Angeles and him on the East in New York City.

He was the CEO of a prominent stockbroking firm and, by all reports, had been dating a Texan oil billionaire’s daughter and model, Hayley someone, for the past year.

Okay, her surname was Marshall.

She may have read a few editions of Page Six and seen them attending premieres and openings. She was sort of attractive.

Okay, she was gorgeous with big, brown doe eyes and a glossy chestnut mane and legs for days.

Caroline told herself that she didn’t care more times than she could count but there was also something lingering beneath the surface with Klaus. She would have endeavoured to forget him after school had it not been for something that happened two years earlier and changed her opinion of him completely.

Bastard.

And with that came the insecurity she hated. Even though she’d carved out a successful career as a human rights lawyer, she’d never fit into his life because she didn’t have a rich family or a huge inheritance like Hayley. Not that she cared but she knew his family did.

She noticed her friends giving her weird looks, clearly she didn’t realise how much of a Klaus trance she’d descended into.

“Sure. Why not?”

American Bar, Savoy Hotel, London 11:07pm

“This is lame,” Kol scoffed, throwing his cards on the makeshift poker table.

“He’s only saying that because he’s losing,” Enzo laughed, pulling the chips towards him greedily.

“No, I’m saying that because this is no bachelor party,” he huffed, standing up and going to the bar to make himself another drink. “You couldn’t even organise one, measly stripper?”

As with the girls, the guys had hired out the venue for privacy reasons, not that they were actually doing anything untoward.

Klaus had won the most money so far but he’d left the table to take a call from Hayley letting Enzo win a few rounds in his absence. She was arriving the next day for the wedding and was calling to check on the arrangements.

Klaus was certain he’d told her multiple times but she was someone who liked things just right. But she also liked to call.

A lot.

At first he thought it was endearing but after a year he was starting to realise it was largely overkill. So too, her obsession with all things materialistic and celebrity and having to be at the opening of everything and anything. Klaus liked to keep more of a low profile if he could and that trait only reminded him of his parents and their chosen life together.

When he’d met her during a wild weekend in Miami, Klaus was immediately taken with her. He even thought it was love but decided that was just the tequila talking and it was most definitely lust. Klaus didn’t do relationships and he assumed she would be a momentary distraction until his parents had taken a strong liking to her. Or more accurately to her wealth and family connections and future prospects for them.

With Mikael and Esther it wasn’t much about love but what you did for a living and how much money your family had. Their marriage was case in point.

Klaus wasn’t one to do what his parents told him but he’d long felt the black sheep given his secret paternity and decided it would be good to earn their favour for a change.

There was also another reason to entertain the relationship, one that had made him realise that, no matter what, he was always going to have to settle for second best.

“Are we interrupting anything?” Klaus looked up into the eyes of his future sister-in-law. He and Katherine had acted like siblings from the moment they met so to him her marriage to Elijah was inevitable.

“Great!” Kol growled from his vantage point behind the bar. “Not only do I have to sit through this poor excuse for a party but now the girls have arrived.”

“Nice to see you too, Kol,” Bonnie said, raising her eyebrows. Although they’d dated over ten years ago everyone seemed to think something was still very much happening between them.

“As much as I’m glad to see my beautiful fiance,” Elijah smiled, standing so he could pull her into his arms affectionately. “I’m not sure this is the done thing.”

“Oh, you mean like strippers, brother?”

“You’re more than welcome to our stripper, Kol, we only left him in Mayfair about ten minutes ago so you might be able to catch him if you’re lucky,” Rebekah teased, swiping a few of Enzo’s prized chips from the table.

“Oi, woman!” He muttered, attempting to take it back while she squealed in response.

Rebekah and Enzo had been play fighting since he was eleven and she was nine. The rest of the group all knew it was unresolved tension that would finally sort itself out some day so were just waiting for it to click into place.

“So, what you’re telling me is that the girls were allowed to have a stripper?” Clearly, Kol wasn’t letting this one go easily.

“Oh would you please shut up, little brother, does it shock you that Elijah didn’t actually want one?” Klaus barked, his brother wearing on his last nerve.

For the most part his gaze had been surreptitiously trained on the maid of honour. Attired in a little, black dress that hugged her in all the right places it was incredibly distracting. She was also wearing her hair just how he liked it, loose and a little wild. How many times had he imagined running his fingers through those waves? Too many to count.

Yes, Caroline Forbes was his dirty little secret. One that he had every intention of keeping because it would do him no good to reveal it.

“I promise that when you get married I’ll book out an entire strip club,” Enzo offered, stealing the chip from Rebekah’s grasp while she wasn’t watching and sending her a triumphant smirk. “Happy?”

“Are we playing poker or what?” Caroline asked. This got his attention. Klaus looked over at her, his eyebrows cocked curiously.

“You play poker, love?”

“I dabble,” she replied, taking a seat at the table. “I mean, I used to play with my grandpa when I was about ten. Pretty sure the rules haven’t changed much since then.” It would have been adorable if Klaus wasn’t so competitive by nature.

“We are playing for real money here,” he warned, giving her one last chance to back out. “I mean I wouldn’t want to take advantage.”

“I’m a big girl and can take care of myself,” she shot back. “So, just deal the cards, Mikaelson.”

The others took their place and the game was restarted, even Kol seemed to have gotten out of his funk to play. The first hand went like this:

“All red,” Rebekah smiled triumphantly, laying her cards on the table. After betting her entire bank it was sufficed to say she was out from the get-go.

“All red? Seriously, little sister? Can you please take her away Enzo and never let her play ever again,” Klaus muttered through gritted teeth. How were they even related?

Second hand ended in Katherine and Elijah being expelled for too much PDA at the poker table. Neither of the love birds minded a little time out in the corner.

Third hand came down to a poor display of bluffing from Kol while Bonnie complained because all she wanted to do was play Go Fish because it was more entertaining.

Then there were two.

“Are you sure you don’t want to just give in, Forbes?” Klaus asked, leaning back lazily in his chair. She was studying her cards carefully. Most hands she’d folded before betting anything and he was starting to realise she was too careful, much like the girl he knew in real life.

“Give me a minute,” she hissed, fastening a loose wave behind her ear. Klaus could tell it was a sign of a bad hand but at the same time he wished he was the one to place it there.

“Okay, I want three cards,” she asked, placing the discarded ones face down.

“Maybe you should just fold, love?” He asked, partly because he was concerned but also because Klaus knew he was that accomplished. His straight flush was looking extremely good right now.

“Maybe you shouldn’t tell me what to do, ass,” she offered, noting his shocked look in response. “I was just trying to counter your love with something equally fitting.”

“Fine,” he murmured trying to pretend not to feel dejected. “Three cards.”

She took them and again studied them closely. Meanwhile the rest of the group had gathered around, no doubt sensing this was their last hand and everyone could finally go home.

“Okay, how about we stop beating around the bush and I just bet everything I have,” she said pushing it all into the middle.

“You’re bluffing,” he blurted out, knowing it was impossible she had a hand to beat his flush.

“I guess you’ll have to bet to find out,” she smiled. All he wanted to do was kiss it off her face and that was just for starters. He shook his head reminding himself that he needed to relax.

“Call,” she said, her expression serious. They held each other’s gaze for a prolonged period, Klaus telling himself it was to try and read the poker signs but that wasn’t it at all. He suddenly realised that he could stare at her for hours and never tire.

Not just hours, forever maybe.

He cleared his throat knowing that everyone was now watching in anticipation.

“Straight flush,” he grinned proudly, laying it out on the table. She gave it a brief look before placing hers next to his.

“All red.” Given it was a ten, Jack, Queen, King and Ace of diamonds, also known as a royal flush, she was clearly being facetious.

“You played me, Forbes.” He finally uttered amongst the cheers and Rebekah’s insistence that she must have had a winning hand all along.

She pulled the chips towards her happily choosing not to respond immediately. His eyes were still trained on her though, desperate for some kind of response.

“And you underestimated me, Mikaelson,” she murmured.

Yes. Maybe he had underestimated her and everything else.

TBC - Next part will be up tomorrow PM..there’s a chance encounter in the middle of the night, a rehearsal dinner and a slight wedding mishap before the big day. But let me know what you think so far : )

Follow on AO3 HERE

#all you never say #klaroline fanfiction #klaroline fanfic #klaroline #misssophiachase #what do you think #let me know #thanks anon #great prompt

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demonsforfriends · 4 years

Text

Just having a quiet moment to myself to sit and think about everything that's happened in the last week or so, and reflect on what's going on in my life right now.

It's been 3 weeks now since I've been in isolation and it's been a blessing in disguise. I didn't realise how much I needed time to just hermit and be at home and not mixing with the outside world. It's been over 3 weeks since I dissociated last, and that's something of a record for me. Even though we're having money worries, the same as everyone else, anxiety levels have dropped significantly.

Last week, we hit a bit of a bump. Well, a big bump actually. While anxiety has been a lot more manageable, there's been a lot of random depressive spells, and last week out of nowhere, I hit a wall, completely snapped, and made a really irrational, split second decision to end my life, and just went out on autopilot. For a moment, I was completely overwhelmed, felt like I was the source of all that's wrong with everything, felt like everyone's lives would be better without me in it and was just completely exhausted with the state of the world.

I struggle to do and understand a lot of things. Basic things, like working out how I feel, and talking about it, and dealing and acting on a single emotion. Feeding myself when I'm hungry. Showering when I need to. Understanding people's feelings and intentions. It's so difficult and confusing to the point of tears sometimes. But at the same time, I feel so so deeply, I just can't do anything about it a lot of the time, and not for lack of trying either. When I can actually pick up on it, I can feel deeper for others than I can myself. I've speculated in the past that I have autism, and never really thought anything of it, I just brushed it off and carried on. More recently, it's felt more and more like something I need to confront and deal with. Anyway, when I was off on my little suicide mission, I had a moment of clarity and I stopped. I turned my phone back on, and listened to the voicemail that my fiancée had left me and it absolutely broke my heart. She was so scared, and hurt, and confused and could barely speak for crying and it wrote me off. For a moment, I had a flash of confusion, which quickly turned to anger and self loathing. How could she love me? I'm so obsessed with perfection, but I am so imperfect, the exact opposite of the thing I've spent my entire life chasing, and trying to be. But as quickly as the anger came on, it dissolved. All I wanted to do was go home and make her feel better. I've always said that her happiness is my happiness, and I'll probably always stand by that. I went home, had a chat with the police, went with the ambulance crew to the hospital, spoke to the mental health teams, and went home to her. I felt so much remorse. We have regular mental health check ups with each other anyway, but that night we really talked a lot, about what I want, why I can't ever do anything for myself and the general day to day struggled that I have, and ups and downs that I have, and how to deal with my autism better. She also tried to work out how to love me better, which made me kinda sad, because there's no way she could do more for me than she already does, but she vowed to stick to it nonetheless. I've always believed her when she tells me she loves me, but somehow I believe her more now than ever.

I'm so glad I didn't go through with ending my life last week. I've experienced so many beautiful moments in this last 8 days alone. Things that would seem small and insignificant to some, but have been amazing and beautiful and really meaningful to me.

The first day after everything that happened, we spent the day at home together, mostly in bed. Just being in each others company. She held me and kept me calm for most of the day. Just the pure warmth and innocence of naked skin to skin contact was amazing. Jen sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the window, and as the sun was setting, I noticed the way the skin touched her skin and outlined her body, and it was truly an amazing thing to watch, so much so that I had to capture it. Her silhouette looked perfect against the dusk sky. I had a really profound feeling of being grateful to survive the previous afternoon, else I wouldn't have lived to see that moment.

Tuesday was a really, really amazing day, start to finish. One of the best days I've had in a long long time. Once Jen got back from work, we had a parcel arrive from Ithaca, actually genuinely one of my favourite bands. When the Covid-19 lockdown started, we bought a long sleeved t-shirt from them, because A. the shirt is sick as fuck and B. just to show some love and support. To our surprise, they sent us two shirts, the one that we ordered, as well as a bonus shirt from old merch stock, as well as a sticker and a handwritten note on the back of a photo of Djamila's dog, The Ham™.

Afterwards, we got dressed and headed out to go get some food shopping, and decided to talk through the park on the way home, and came across a beautiful bed of daffodils, so of course, I had to take pictures. The one above is my favourite, of course. Jen has the most beautiful smile, especially now that I know that she's happy for real.

After we'd been home, put the shopping away and showered, we headed out again. This time, to go hunt down a good spot to try and take some good photos of the "Pink Moon". We went for a nice long walk through the woods first though. It was so quiet, all we could hear were birds singing, the water running in the stream and the ground beneath our feet.

Once we found a good spot on high ground, we sat on top of two big rocks in front of some trees, one tree in particular was a a blossom tree, and we watched the sun go down, and just sat there quietly, looking at all of the colours meld and mix in the sky.

After the sun had set, we found the best spot we could find to set up the tripod and Jen sat by for a good half an hour to 45 minutes while I tried to get the best shot I could of the moon. I am honestly so so proud of this photo, I personally think it's one of the best photos I've ever taken.

I was starting to feel as though Jen was getting bored of sitting around, while I was indulging myself, as I know I often get carried away and absorbed when I'm doing something creative, and starting to feel like I should wrap things up, but instead, she took a big interest in what I was doing, and took the time and effort to get involved in what I was doing. She came and sat with me, and asked me questions about how my camera worked, and gave it a try for herself. I remember watching her try, and adjust, and try again and I remember feeling so much love, and feeling so proud of her. No one has ever gone out of their way to involve themselves in something that I love doing the way she did, and that memory, and that picture will stick with me forever.

This is just a bonus picture of Jen, because I thought she looked really beautiful under the glow of the streetlights and the moon. 😍

The day after/yesterday, after Jen came home from work, we spend another afternoon in bed together, to have some alone time. While the sex was amazing, as it usually is, that isn't the moment that sticks out for me, it's this one, in the photo. This might be grim, or kinda gross or just too much information for some, but I don't care. Now, ever since we have been together, both of us have become more comfortable body hair, periods, and pretty much everything that our bodies do naturally and we both find it beautiful. Something I've noticed, as well, is that people don't generally tend to talk much about grooming, especially when it comes to helping your partner groom and helping your partner with self care. Well, recently, we both decided to shave together, which is something both of us had to do before to please others, even though I never really liked it. However, this time is was different. Anyway, I have quite sensitive skin, and naturally, I get a lot of ingrown hairs, this time around have had a lot and it's been very uncomfortable and at times quite painful. When we were lay in bed together, I was in a bit of discomfort with it, and without batting an eyelid, Jen picks up the tweezers, heads back down there and starts removing and relieving all of the ingrown hairs. This really sticks out to me as a really beautiful moment. She was so gentle, and I was so comfortable that I felt no pain at all. I've never met anybody who treats my body with such care and respect before as she does, and she protects and looks after it better than I do. I remember being filled with love, and I felt like it was such an intimate moment, but a gentle, innocent kind of intimacy and it was beautiful. Another moment that will stay with me for a long, long time.

Later on in the evening, we went out for another walk, this time to go and meet Jen's mother and collect some food that she had got for us. On the way there, we came across a beautiful cherry blossom tree. Cherry blossoms are both of our favourite flowers, we absolutely adore them, so I wanted to photograph them, but I'm not a tall person and the tree was very high, so I couldn't reach to get a good close up photo of the flowers. Within seconds, she gave me a piggy back and hoisted me up high so I could get close enough to take this photo. We must've looked crazy to onlookers, but it was like we were the only two people in the world.

If I had gone through with ending my life last week, I would've missed out on all of these precious moments. As I said, they may seem small or insignificant to some, but to me, they hold so much weight and meaning. All of that would've been gone, within a split second of being overwhelmed.

Jennifer Stephanie Riddell, I wouldn't be here without you. I love you, so so much, more than words will ever be able to say. I can't wait to become your wife, so that everyday for the rest of our lives, we can carry on making beautiful memories out of the little things. Every day, you give me a reason to feel love and feel grateful for being alive. I hope you realise how special you are to me, and how meaningful it is to spend my life with you, however big or small the moment is.

#personal

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dragonsaphirareads · 5 years

Note

"Do you like it?" "No." "What -?" "You didn't let me finish. No. I don't like it. I love it." with our boys? Please and thank you. -Sam aka Your Shipping Hellmate

You thought you knew what this was gonna be, @twistedxxfangirl. But I got this idea and couldn’t help myself. I’ll write that other one soon, promise.

This takes place soon after Remus and Valentine come over to the dark side - basically, Valentine isn’t Passion anymore, but he hasn’t taken on the name Obsession yet. (He also hasn’t changed his name to Otto yet!)

~~~

When they had first joined the darker side of the mindscape, Deceit had warned them that it didn’t work like the light side did. Things that would be easy to conjure over there were nearly impossible to get right, because it had a tendency to sidetrack with the slightest shift in focus.

Remus hadn’t considered that a downside at first. He was always one for spontaneity, and working with uncertain circumstances only made his creations more organic and fun in his opinion.

That is, until he actually needed it to do something straightforward.

He wanted to do something nice for his friend, after he’d lost so much. Remus wanted to build a new room for him, and he wanted it to look exactly like his old one had. He knew Valentine missed being on the other side - missed his room, missed his job, and missed the others. Remus knew he couldn’t take the place of his brother and Patton, nor could he do anything to give him back those key parts of himself. But he was part of Thomas’s Creativity, and it was his job to create. If he could do anything, he could try to do that for his friend.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t proving easy.

“Argh!” The creative side groaned loudly as he attempted for the third time to summon a poster from memory. He’d almost had it as well, but in the few milliseconds it took to form the thought, he let his mind wander, and the poster manifested as a blur of color only vaguely reminiscent of a Lilo and Stitch poster. “Why?! I’m supposed to be good at this!”

“What are you doing?” Remus looked over his shoulder and saw Deceit leaning against the doorway, surveying his half finished project with a neutral expression. Remus scowled, pouting at he attempted once again to summon the poster.

“I’m trying to make Valentine a room, so he can stop sleeping on the couch every night.” The poster wasn’t perfect, but if he squinted at it, it sort of looked right. He just hoped Valentine didn’t care how many teeth Lilo had.

“What about you? You don’t have a room either?”

Remus shrugged. “I like sleeping on the floor.”

Deceit snickered. “If you say so. I’ll leave you to it.”

The creative side didn’t notice him walk off, focusing his full attention on his project. He lost himself completely to the task, and the hours flew by without him noticing. It was only when his stomach started growling that he realized he’d probably missed dinner.

Remus took a step back and surveyed the result of his efforts. It was nothing like the old one - Valentine’s room had been bright and cheerful, with posters on every wall and trinkets on every shelf. His bedspread had been a collage of Disney characters, and on the ceiling there were glow in the dark stars and planets, arranged in patterns of constellations.

What Remus had managed to make looked nothing like that. The room was dark to start, because it was impossible to get a good source of light on this side of the mind. His attempt at creating constellations on the ceiling just looked messy, scattered pieces of glitter hovering above him without any meaningful pattern to them.

The posters on the walls weren’t much better. Most were simply blurs of color that were impossible for the eye to focus on, and the ones he’d managed to make clearer still weren’t right. The characters had too many teeth, too many limbs, too much of everything.

It was a failure. Remus knew this wasn’t good enough for anyone, much less his best friend. He’d have to start over tomorrow - he’d used all his energy today.

“Remus? What are you doing in here?” Remus froze at the voice, spinning around and finding Valentine standing in the doorway, gazing curiously into the room. He took a step inside as Remus racked his brain for a proper response. He considered lying, but one glance at Valentine’s face and he knew he could never do that.

“I… was trying to make you a new room. I want you to be comfortable over here until you can go back, you know, have your own space.” He gestured to the room behind him, trying to smile proudly. “Do… you like it?”

Valentine looked around, face a mask.

“No.”

Remus tried not to flinch at how much the cold word hurt him. “What-?” What can I do to fix it?

Valentine held up a hand, a smile breaking through his cold facade. “You didn’t let me finish. No. I don’t like it.”

He stepped forward, throwing his arms around Remus and pressing a kiss to his cheek, nuzzling against him and whispering. “I love it.”

“You… you do? I thought it was terrible. It doesn’t look anything like your old room!”

Valentine shook his head. “And it shouldn’t. If I wanted that old room so badly, I would never have left, Remus. I’m not the same person I was when I left the others, and I don’t want to be reminded of it every time I come here. So this? This is perfect. Thank you.”

He pressed another kiss to Remus’s cheek. And when Remus turned to smile at him, he saw Valentine’s eyes full of happiness and love and he couldn’t help but pull him in for a real kiss.

Based on how Valentine’s hands twisted in Remus’s hair to pull him closer, he didn’t seem to mind.

#remus sanders #Anonymous #deceit sanders #demus #dukeceit #dukeceition

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ketso · 3 years

Text

Episode 29

I hate my job. Truly, I do. I should have never resigned from Thomas' company. People valued me more when I was there. Now, I am an executive, but I get treated like trash. I hate it. I hate everyone here.

I never take lunch because I don't want anyone thinking we are friends or that we should lunch together. None of these people are worth me having lunch with. But today, I need some air. I need to breathe in a different kind of environment because if I stay a minute longer in my office, hell will break loose around here.

I get into my car to go get lunch then plan to go eat with the one person I can tolerate right now, Qaphela. While I drive to get food then to Qaphela, let me tell you a bit about my job.

I am an executive lead in the external affairs team. I have about seven people reporting into me then I report into a director who reports into the CEO. I have a dotted reporting line to the CEO because my line of work impacts the CEO's agenda in interviews and other public appearances. But the place is not nice. My ideas are not Bible. People are lazy to work. This is the corporate space. Who knocks off at 4pm and refuses to work before 7am? Who? They always feel the need to remind me that they take wellness and well-being seriously. I never said they shouldn't. Not once has an objection toward wellness and wellbeing come out of mouth. But we have customers that don't care about wellness and wellbeing, they expect us to deliver. We have key stakeholders in other companies and in the government that expect us to be available for meaningful engagement when needed. This company is known in our industry for dropping the ball. This company is notorious for having slow service delivery. I'm not saying it's because they take wellness and wellbeing seriously. All I'm saying is that even I am frustrated by them and I'm not a customer or a stakeholder.

So, I, Pearl Shange, put in the hours that nobody wants to put in. I am the most knowledgeable executive in the department and my team has the honour of having the toughest boss in the business. But we deliver. I put in the work and I don't complain. The CEO has me on speed dial and has learned to trust me more than he trusts my director which now has caused a rift between my director and I.

"To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?" Qaphela asks me as he opens the door for me.

"I come bringing lunch. I hope you still like braaied meat and that entire unhealthy diet sold at Solly's corner because I just spent quite a bit of my time walking through drunk unemployed people at midday, waiting for this food and risking my car being scratched", he is already in stitches as I say this. I'm glad he finds it funny.

"Nobantu, you are not human, wena. Come in", he says as he leads me into the house.

I come in and close the door using my bum because this man whose supposed to be a perfect gentleman has not taken all this food from my arms. I mean really. Am I supposed to teach him that?

I make my way to the kitchen and put the food on the kitchen counter. He has disappeared into the house, not sure to where. I plug the kettle and start getting plates out. I bought my own coffee because Qaphela is the Ricoffy type and honestly, I need the strong and good stuff. If I were not headed back to the office after this, I would be having whiskey.

I am exhausted.

I start dishing up this meat that has been braaied. I got him pap which I dish onto his plate, but I got myself garlic rolls because I am not prepared to be running off pap in the morning. My morning runs are already tough in all those heels in Umhlanga.

I hear arguing. Hai bo, kanti Qaphela has company? Also, I'm not fazed. I'm not going anywhere. I need company and Qaphela will do for now. I would have sex with him too, but now that I know that his penis was in another woman minutes before I arrived, that opportunity immediately flies out of the window.

I see a girl march down the passage. Really, Qaphela? Seriously? This girl and I used to be friends back in the day. She's even ashamed to look at me and I plan to make this as uncomfortable as possible for her. I left to go to Gauteng and she feasted on my baby-daddy? A friend, ladies and gentlemen - a friend.

"Nobantu", she says, breaking the silence between us.

Should I be petty? Nah, my outfit, my beauty and the car parked outside is reminder enough for her that I'm ten levels ahead of her and all she has left are my leftovers.

"Hello, Sizakele", I say.

"It’s good to see you", she says.

"I can't say the same about you, considering where we are bumping into each other", I say. Yeah, I decided to be petty. But she doesn't back down.

"I thought you had the Venda man and Qaphela was useless. I didn't think that you'd care that some of us found him useful", she says.

"And I didn't think that my friend was patiently waiting for me to leave KZN so she would jump on my boyfriend's penis. Then again, you've always enjoyed my left overs. From my left over food to my old bras that I'd give to you while your mother took your grocery money, underwear money and school fees money to spend on alcohol." I say. I don't know why I took it there, but I did. KZN makes me so angry. There is something here that just makes me a horrible person.

"You still here?" Qaphela comes into the kitchen and sees the staring match between Sizakele and I.

"Lalela la wena Nobantu, Qaphela and I are together. I don't know what you came back for, but it better not have been for him", she says. Oh please. Get the fuck out of here. If I want Qaphela, I'd have him. I wish women realized how they actually dare us to explore their penises when they threaten us, demanding us to stay away from their men. I made that mistake with Thomas and all his other bitches. Qaphela and I have a child together and Sizakele thinks she can control my access in Qaphela's life. I'm actually laughing at her because she is so pathetic.

"You think this is funny?" She asks me.

"I find your audacity extremely hilarious. You are the one that Qaphela is kicking out barefooted and wig uncombed while I'm the one preparing food in his kitchen. Yet, you think you can tell me what to do around him?" I say.

She charges at me ready to hit me and Qaphela throws her over his shoulder and takes her out of the house. They argue on the streets while I finish preparing food and coffee.

Such ghetto behaviour!

Qaphela comes back into the house alone and sits next to me where I have placed his coffee and food. Black Coffee with cream. I'm putting him on.

"Nobantu, you can't do that. I respect you as the mother of my child, but you can't disrespect my girlfriend like that", he says.

He should have said that when she was still here. He disrespected her, not me.

"I don't want to talk about Sizakele." I say.

"Nobantu -

"How are you feeling, Qaphela? You look a lot better", I say.

"I am a lot better, thank you. And thanks for taking me to the doctor the other day. I appreciate it", he says.

I nod my head and eat. He is eating too.

"So what brings you here?" He asks me.

"I don't really like my work environment. I needed some air and a friendly face. I thought of you", I say.

"What’s wrong with where you work?" He asks me. He has always been good at this - at listening to me. Thomas never listened to me. Ever. I miss being listened to.

"I guess I took for granted being the CEO's wife when I was working at Thomas' company. Now, I'm just another employee who gets abused at work and my knowledge as well as the work I put in is not appreciated", I say.

"It’s corporate, Nobantu. The only time your work is appreciated is if someone is benefitting from it. If you are one of those who have thankless jobs, you are replaceable. You were replaceable at your ex-husband's company. What makes you think you are irreplaceable in a stranger's company?" He says. That cuts me and he sees it.

He eats instead of apologizing.

"I'm worried about Gcina", I tell him.

He looks at me, waiting for me to elaborate.

"Gcina is irresponsible. She doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. She couldn't get a matric just to start her off. She lacks vision and ambition. I'm worried that she has decided ukuthi this is the rest of her life."

Qaphela looks at me for a long time, analysing me almost.

Then he says, "Nobantu, you left her with your parents when she was a toddler. She doesn't even remember you being a mother to her. I'm not saying that she shouldn't take responsibility for her decisions, but I'm wondering when you are going to acknowledge the part that you played in messing her up."

"The part that I played?"

"The part that you played, Nobantu. You went to Gauteng and forgot all about your child. She had to get over it, on her own. Her life froze when you decided to go out there and be a wife to a man who wanted nothing to do with your child. You deprived her of having a mother and she just had to figure shit out. You have no right to judge her ten minutes after you come back here and decide to be her mother so many years later. Where was this concern when you were –

"Don’t you dare! I took care of Gcina! There is nothing that Gcina lacked and I made sure of it. I sent her to the best schools and she managed to get herself expelled from those schools. I made sure that she was fed! That she had everything I would have never been able to give her had I not married Thomas because unlike uGcina, my parents did not make sure that I had the best to set me up for the rest of my life. I needed a Thomas to pull me out of the shit that my parents left me in so that my daughter could have more", I have lost my temper now and so has he. This is a screaming match.

"Money is not everything, Nobantu", he says.

"That’s very rich coming from you. You are the same person who left me pregnant at fifteen to go get money so our child and I could be okay, then went to prison. You were absent from our lives too because you chose money over being there for me through my pregnancy and when our daughter was born." I say. This hurts him.

We both take deep breaths, appreciating that perhaps this is not how this conversation should be going.

"I want better for her. She can still change her life and I want her to change her life." I say. I am calm now, walking around in the TV room. Qaphela stands up too and leans against a wall, facing me.

"I want that for her, too" he says.

"I have trusts set up in her name that she is supposed to be accessing by now. I want to buy her a car so she could drive my mom around and do errands for you. But she doesn't even have a license. I have millions set aside for her to study abroad and she can barely finish a bloody matric. Gcinumama frustrates me, Qaphela", I say.

"We can still fix this, but we have to be gentle with her. She's a bit on the fragile side", he says.

"She already hates me so I'm not scared of her. One of us has to treat her like the irresponsible adult that she is. You, on the other hand, she has you wrapped around her little finger", I say.

"Fine. But if you are going to pick that fight with her, you need to be woman enough to acknowledge the part that you played in fucking her up. Don't become your parents, Nobantu. You hurt for years because of them and you took forever to heal because they wouldn't acknowledge how much they fucked you up. Don't become them. Gcina deserves for you to acknowledge the pain that you caused her so that she can heal and move on in a way that you still struggle to because the people who caused your pain have not given you the apology that you need to heal and move on." He says.

We have a moment. I'm getting emotional. He is there for me like he always was when I ran away from home after my parents -

My cellphone rings. I wipe my tears and walk away from him, realizing only now how close he was to me and how close we were to doing so much more than just argue about Gcina. It is my CEO calling.

"Hello", me.

"Hey, Pearl. Where are you? I need you in a strategy meeting taking place at 5pm today. Will you be able to make it?"

"Sure, Richard, I'll be there" I say.

"Thanks. I was in your office to let you know, but I see you are not here", Richard says.

"I had stepped out to get something to eat. But I'll be back soon", I say.

"Alright. See you when you get back", Richard says then hangs up.

Qaphela and I look at each other, silently appreciating what just happened between us.

"You need to get a job", I say.

"No one on this earth is good enough to be the boss of me. I'm almost back in shape and I'm headed back to crime", he says.

"Until when, Qaphela? Why don't you take the money you've made so far and start something legitimate?" I say.

"Why? So you can be the CEO's wife again? That's your life, not mine. And you not my wife so stop telling me what to do. You are not going to change or control me. That's probably why that Venda man left you." He says. That was just unnecessary, honestly. Fuck him.

I wear my heels again then walk out of his parents' house then make my way back to the office.

0 notes

helloandwelcometomariasblog · 3 years

Text

Review #69: Love in the Moonlight

I was going to write about this drama after I finished the last episode, but I'm halfway through and I just can't contain myself anymore.

This drama is such a joke. I'm honestly laughing incredulously here. Well, I'm up to the part where Yoonsung goes to fetch Raon with a bunch of guards behind him to - in his own words to his dad - "test the depth of his feelings for her". What a joke. You know and I know and he knows and we all damn know that he's too soft hearted to hurt anyone. And the writer is expecting us to believe that he would hurt Raon? The girl he's in love with? The girl he would go against his long-term friend and family for? The only girl he's ever liked even after frequenting a hundred kisaengs? Yeah, right.

That is this writer's biggest downfall. They're just too much of a softie. I'm pretty sure this writer fell in love with their own characters, so much to the point where they're too mushy-hearted to do anything bad to them. This happens multiple times throughout the drama, I can't even count. Nothing bad EVER happens to the characters. Well, let me rephrase that. Nothing bad EVER lasts for long with these characters - because the writer just can't bear to see them suffer for long!

Think about it. EACH damn time Raon and Young have to go through a tearful and heart-wrenching separation, they just get back together in the next episode or even earlier. The writer can't pull through with their own storytelling. The separation of the two main characters is always presented in this intensely tear-jerking fashion as though it's the hardest thing they have to go through, but in less than an hour there the prince is AGAIN, and all I can do is sit here and cry out in frustration because there are no stakes! How are we as the audience supposed to be sad and emotionally invested and feel like their love is a life and death situation when it just really ISN'T?

The examples go on and on. Think about the time Byeongyeon sacrificed himself for Raon and the prince. (Don't worry, Raon's unbearable passivity is coming up in another huge post of its own.) I actually liked that scene. I mean, yeah I love Byeongyeon as a character (more than Raon for sure) but his death meant something. It was an incredibly meaningful moment. You could see how much love he had for the prince and the entire scene was done pretty well, including the dialogue. And then what happens? HE DOESN'T DIE. Like, really? Okay, so he got shot by several arrows (and one of them definitely hits very close to his vital organs) and gets slashed by a sword and he still LIVES? So a hundred other people who gets slashed just once in the drama all die but this dude LIVES? Oh please. I swear, the moment I saw him lying down getting taken care of I wanted to smash the wall. That's not how it works! When you do that, you totally destroy the meaningful scene that you initially set up. If he comes back to life so easily, what was his death for? What meaning does it hold now? Ultimately, it tells the audience that nothing really is at stake, and that all of the "important" characters will come out unscathed. Nothing bad will ever happen to them. And what does this do? It destroys every ounce of tension in the drama. Nobody in the audience is going to ever feel that the situation in the drama is a life and death situation. Because it isn't.

That's really bad writing. One of the first things I learned in my screenwriting class was that you gotta put your main character through hell and you gotta have zero sympathy. You have to keep making bad things happen to them. The moment you become a softie, the tension just goes splat. It's really got to feel like a life and death situation and the stakes have to feel REAL. At the moment, the drama does none of that.

That's why I had to stop watching and rant when Yoonsung (of course) takes out his sword and slays the guards. Of course. I wasn't expecting anything else anyways. Who in the world would even think Yoonsung would do something other than protect Raon? Well, for a second I guess I was kind of hopeful - but only for a second, because the drama of course ruined it as quickly as possible. The drama never lets things simmer and turn bad. The writer is too weak-hearted for that. They probably can't bear to see any of their characters suffer for long. So of course Yoonsung would take out his sword but of course it wouldn't be to harm Raon. Of course he would stop at the SLIGHTEST squeak from Raon and start slaying all of his guards lol. I was trying really hard from not typing lol but I really can't help it. It's just too incredulous.

If only the writer would pull through with their threats. If only they would actually let things go bad. Then the tension would rise and rise and the rubber band would be pulled and pulled tight until all that's left to do is for it to snap and all hell breaks loose, which is when you reach the story climax before the happy happy ending. Other dramas do this really well. Especially when they make the main couple break up for reasons outside their control. You really gotta milk that situation. But this drama just can't do that and has never done it. It's supposed to do that the most right now, when there are only so many episodes left until the end. However, the drama DOESN'T do that when it most needs to. I'm so frustrated.

Don't get me started on how much I hate Raon. Well, more like, how much I hate the way Raon is written by the writer. Raon used to be a great character in the beginning. But the moment she falls in love with the prince - well, let's say "falls in love" but where's the evidence that she even loves him? I could write ten pages on how much Raon doesn't love the prince and how passive and wide-eyed she is while the prince actually loves her and ACTS it out ALL the time. Okay, let's have a pause here, and I'll go watch the rest of the episode (well, try to) before going on another huge rant.

If you're going to do a sageuk, do it like 100 Days My Prince or don't do it at all. Or even like Scarlet Heart. At least the stakes there were huge. So many people actually died and the main girl was ACTUALLY tortured. The biggest advantage of sageuks (compared to modern dramas) are the fact that the situations can get really life-and-death. This drama didn't use any of that strong point. What a waste.

Okay. I just came back from watching the rest of Yoonsung's sudden attack on the guards and wow. I was not expecting HIM to die. After all that ranting I did up top about how the drama doesn't pull through and doesn't kill any of their important characters, this is kind of a huge blow. But I have to say, I don't understand why he had to die. When Byeongyeon sacrificed himself, it made all the sense in the world - with his sacrifice, he was able to save Raon, her dad, and even the prince. But didn't Yoonsung lead the guards to Raon himself? He then attacked the bunch of guards himself. Then you see Raon actually try to do something FINALLY but it might have been better if she hadn't done anything this time, cause he clearly got stabbed trying to save her. I guess I just wish his death was worth more than this. I really liked him as a character and I still feel like the drama did him dirty. He could have died a more meaningful death. Not like this.

Now everything is being wrapped up and I honestly feel like there was no real climax in this drama. Maybe it's coming up. Let's see. But from the look of things everything is being wrapped up like a pretty gift box with no imperfections. Have I also mentioned just how much I hate the fade out transitions in this drama? I honestly hate it. It feels like a cop out each time. It feels like a lazy cop out instead of following through with the action that is presented at the time.

As the drama wraps up, I gotta say that I've grown to really love the second female lead. I started off disliking her (just cause I liked the main couple too much back then) and thinking she was just a plot device but she's shown a lot of character throughout the time she was in the drama. SHE is the one who truly loved the prince and actually acted it out each time. And just as I say this, here we go again - the writer lets her off easy, making the king erase her princess-to-be history and ultimately making her sacrifice useless and bland. Sigh. Just LET people sacrifice and be selfless and just let the audience see and feel the deep worth in that! Why you gotta keep taking that away from us?!

I have finally finished the entire drama. I loved Young as a character and I love Park Bogum as the actor who acted him out. Young was BY FAR the best character in the drama, followed by Byeongyeon. Raon was annoying until the very end and even seeing her smile was annoying me. All I could think of was the fact that she was lifeless and had no personality and didn't even properly love the prince and even despite all that she was standing in front of him receiving his love. The prince deserves better.

#review

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symbianosgames · 7 years

Link

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

Emeric Thoa is Creative Director and Co-Founder at The Game Bakers, the studio behind Furi, Combo Crew, or the Squids games on console, PC and mobile. This post is reposted from The Game Bakers blog. Follow The Game Bakers: @TheGameBakers / @EmericThoa

Furi is a character action game for console and PC in which you fight only bosses. You can get an idea of what the game is about with this trailer: Furi Trailer.

*****

We launched Furi and received a truly incredible response from some players: they are crazy about the game, they love it more than I could have ever dreamt. In the meantime, other players, some reviewers didn't enjoy the game or felt rejected by it. And they criticized the game for that. That’s pretty fair, but here is a thing. Not every game is for you. That’s what is called diversity. That’s a good thing (Ken Wong explains it better than I would ever do).

Of course, there are games that are bad or average. They missed something and very few people actually love them. But I don't think it's the case for Furi. As it was very well summed up in some reviews, Furi is a love-hate kind of game. And believe it or not: it’s by design. It’s a game that was designed to create intense satisfaction, and it succeeded in doing so, even if it frustrated some along the way.

Furi is a Love-Hate game

In this article, I’ll explain how we came up with this intention, and how we made it happen.

PART ONE: On making a game that doesn’t try to please everyone.

After we made Combo Crew on mobile, my partner Audrey and myself started thinking about what our next game could be. We were in 2013. Indie gaming was already big, but we knew it would grow bigger. We knew the market would be even more saturated, even more fragmented. We knew that, by 2016, iOS and Google Play would be nothing like in 2010. Steam would be flooded by releases every day, and even the very young new consoles (PS4 and Xbox One) would have their stores full of games and sales of any kind.

We realized that, in order to be in the top 10 of the indie devs, we needed to make something « outstanding ». A game that stands out, in every possible way. A game with an edge. A game that I call a « Triple i » or “iii”.

This picture was in the very first document for Furi

Triple AAA games have the budget, the talents, the teams to achieve greatness with a huge scope. Story, visuals, characters, gameplay features, game modes, game length… they try to have everything in order to please everybody. Their aim is mass audience.

We believed that, in order to be competitive, smaller studios must go the opposite way. We are too small to be the best at everything, but we can aim to be the best at one thing. We can make something edgy. We can choose not to please everybody. We can choose to make something that most would actually dislike, in order to make sure a niche of gamers will find it truly memorable.

This was the foundation of our strategy for the three years to come.

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."

Every decision in Furi was made in order to make it memorable for a niche of gamers who were somewhat starved: the Japanese character action game fans. Every decision was made in order to make the game outstanding, unique and focused.

The art direction stands out, with colourful and surrealistic environments.

The character design is stylish and unique, as we can expect from Afro Samurai’s creator Takashi Okazaki.

The combat is (very) fast paced, inspired by Japanese game design.

Its use of both shoot’em up and beat’em up mechanics is totally unique.

The soundtrack is made up of original compositions from amazing electro and synthwave musicians.

If we compare with the direction taken by a recent mainstream beat’em up like God of War, it's clear to see we just went the opposite way. They go for realism, we opted for surrealism. They went for an orchestral soundtrack, we decided on electro. Let’s not fight head to head with these guys, right?

They aimed for mass appeal, we didn't. No compromises. No consensus. We developed a game for a niche audience, but with the intention on casting a spell on our fans forever.

PART TWO: On fighting half-measures. On making strong choices.

This is a bold strategy to start with, but it’s even harder to make it actually happen. Especially during two years of production where as a creative director you are constantly challenged, by the team, by the playtesters, by the press in previews, by trailers comments… by anyone who is slightly involved in the game really.

I remember, during the heat of the production, tweeting this:

Any designer who reads me knows what I’m talking about. This fight against consensus, against half-measures, was the key to succeeding with this initial strategy of not trying to please everyone. If you go soft, you lose the edge, and then it’s over.

Here are some examples of the controversial decisions I took. Even some players who loved the game still disagree with them. I hear them. I’m not saying it couldn’t have been done otherwise or better. If I could, I would improve lots of things in the game, like the tutorials or the promenade mode. But I would probably stick with some of the controversial decisions I took, they are part of what makes Furi what it is.

Spoilers ahead.

Paths

In Furi, in between each fight, there are walking sequences where you just get backstory and coaching by your rabbit-masked mysterious buddy. You discover a visually unique environment teasing the upcoming boss personality, and listen to the music. These sequences are important because they give a meaning to the game through the story, they build the tension, and they force the player to take a break in between two intense boss fights. I knew the most arcade-hardcore players wouldn’t like it, but for most of our audience, it took Furi from “a great game” to “a meaningful experience”. As a designer, we stood strong with the idea of having the player “walk” and even “autowalk” (there’s a button for that) for 3-4 minutes. No minions to fight. No experience points to grind. No loot. I bet you can imagine this was a tough call to keep for two years of development.

The secret ending that resets your save

At one point in the game, there is a disguised choice. You can basically stop fighting. Stop killing. Reach a status quo. There is no good ending in the game, they all are good and bad in some ways. There is no happy end. But at least, you can choose why you fight for, or if you want to fight at all. It was important to me to make it “a true ending”. Otherwise it would have been a simple “easter egg”. Another trophy to the list. So I stood with the decision to reset the save after the players get that ending. Some people are annoyed because it makes them replay half of the game. Some people are annoyed because they triggered the ending accidentally (they are right to be annoyed, they are collateral damage of a strong design choice). But this kind of moment: - “I found a hidden event”. - “Oh it’s an ending, a peaceful one in a game about duels”. - “F*** my save is erased, they are not kidding, it’s actually over”. It’s part of what Furi tries to deliver. Surprise, adrenalin, intense emotions. Some people ranted about it, but some understood and loved it.

No come back from Promenade difficulty level

The game has three difficulty levels. The default one (Furi level) is demanding, requires a lot of patience and perseverance, and delivers a great deal of satisfaction when beaten. The hard one (Furier) is an extremely difficult game mode with the patterns and boss fights redesigned. We know that players who finish this game mode love the game and understood it, otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to beat it. We actually thank them for that.

The last one (Promenade) is an extremely easy and shorter difficulty level for players who just don’t want to invest as much effort in the gameplay. Some players complain they can’t switch to Promenade for one fight and then come back to Furi mode. The reason we don’t allow this is not to punish players, it’s the opposite. If we did allow that, players would be tempted to switch to Promenade as soon as they encounter a difficulty peak. They would be tempted to go back and forth between the difficulty levels and they would lose all the satisfaction they'd get of eventually overcoming a big challenge.

Dashing on the “release”, a.k.a. the false perception of delay

In the game, there is a very fast, satisfying dodge ability, that makes you basically invincible. Some players have complained it was laggy or they felt a delay. There is no delay at all, but the dash starts when you “release” the button, not when you “press”. The reason for that is that you can charge the dash to go further. Press and hold, you charge. Release, you dash. This charging dash gives tons of depth to the patterns we can create. The boss fights get a lot of variety from this feature. But even within the team, this decision was considered very controversial. We could have split the dash ability on two buttons (quick dash/charged dash), but it felt too complex. Once you are used to a quick press & release for a dash (and most players are after one or two bosses), you get both the simplicity of the controls AND the gameplay depth.

These are only a few of the decisions that were controversial but that I decided to stick with instead of looking for a compromise. Of course, I DID change a lot of the design when I got complaints or relevant comments. I’m not saying it’s good to be narrow-minded. But it’s good to take some risks in order to keep your edge. I’m very grateful to Audrey and the core team at The Game Bakers and our partners at Sony for understanding that. They all committed to this vision from the start of the project.

PART THREE: On creating intense satisfaction.

The reason I love video games is because they create emotions. Through their gameplay, story, visuals, music, they can deliver any emotion you can think of.

Uncharted 4 delivers great brainless distraction, P.T. freaks you out, Journey creates a bond, Monument Valley makes you feel smart and poetic. Furi creates intense satisfaction. And by necessity, it can also create intense frustration along the way.

But I believe it succeeded creating intense satisfaction.

People say the game is hard. I would argue it’s mostly from another time. It’s anachronic. It requires patience (definitively not a trendy trait) and it’s a game of counter attack (a game where you wait and punish instead of aggressively attacking with combos, as in most games of the 2000's to current era).

But players who are perseverant will get better each time they play. Furi is like a guitar and each bossfight is like a partition. You start playing and you suck at it, but you get better after each practice. This is not something everyone is willing to do, but it makes it extremely satisfying when you finally beat a boss. This satisfaction is actually proportional to the effort you put into the bossfight. In order to create intense satisfaction, you need to require efforts.

And when the game manages to trigger that into someone, when a player finally overcomes the frustration and pain to turn it into relief and satisfaction, you get this:

The industry has a tendency to reward games that don’t itch. Metacritic rules us all, and the formula to get a high Metacritic score is to make a game with one good feature and no flaw. We are prompted to make games that don’t displease, games that don’t frustrate. But recently, I have seen more and more games trying to be edgy. Trying to create intense emotions, even if it’s at the risk of segregating themselves from a larger audience. It’s exciting. Let’s welcome that.

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