#all the batkids are little chaos gremlins and you can’t convince me otherwise

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Christmas Wishlist

Damian: So, what are you getting me for Christmas?

Jason: Nice try, brat.

Jason: Actually, no, terrible try. What was that? Where’s the subtly? The cunning?

Damian: *shrugs*

Later

Steph: Just out of curiosity, were you expecting that to work? At all?

Damian: Not really, no.

Steph: Then why bother?

Damian: It’s all part of my plan.

Steph:

Damian:

Steph: Are you going to expound on that, or…

Later that week

Oracle: Robin, there’s a burglary taking place on 5th and Jefferson.

Nightwing: I’ll be there in like three minutes, Robin, just wait for me.

Robin: I have it handled.

Red Robin: Just wait for Nightwing, you dummy.

Robin: Unnecessary.

Spoiler: You’re going to make Nightwing sad.

Oracle: Or you’ll get hurt.

Spoiler: Yeah, or that.

Robin: Tt. I’ll be fine. “He will win who knows when to fight and when to fight harder.”

Red Hood: That is NOT how that quote goes.

Everyone:

Oracle: Hood, I thought you were in California this week.

Red Hood: I felt an insult to humanity preparing to take form.

More later

Cass: Did you tell Jason what you wanted for Christmas yet?

Damian: I’m working on it.

Several days after that

Tim: Why are you in my room?

Damian: You left the window open.

Tim:

Damian: The philosophers are very clear on what to do there.

Tim:

Damian, a little louder: When your enemy leaves their WINDOW open.

Tim: And are you achieving what you are hoping to achieve right now?

Damian: Unclear.

Tim: You know, you could always write a letter to Santa like a normal kid.

Damian: Absolutely not.

Tim: Yeah… Probably for the best, actually, considering past dealings and all…

Christmas Morning

Damian, opening his gift:

Dick: What’d Jason give you?

Damian: *proudly holds up a signed copy of The Art of War*

Tim: Okay, that’s got to be fake, right?

Everyone: *looks at Jason*

Jason, shrugging: The Flashes owed me a favor.

Bruce, eye twitching slightly: Do I have to send the time travel safety presentation out to everyone again?

Jason: Don’t worry, they already fixed the parts of the timeline they broke.

Bruce: *very lengthy sigh*

Damian: Thank you, Jason.

Jason: You’re welcome.

Jason: Now there will be no more murdering of quotes. You have no excuses.

Later

Damian: My plan worked.

Steph: And just asking was too hard because…

Damian: What’s the point of that? Where’s the cunning? The subtly?

#what do you mean dc doesn’t stand for disregard canon #batfam #batkids #damian wayne #jason todd #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #tim drake #dick grayson #barbara gordon #bruce wayne #christmas #batchristmas #annoying bruce is the only valid pastime #robin #red hood #all the batkids are little chaos gremlins and you can’t convince me otherwise

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Bruce, not ready to wake up: Just five more…

Tim, bored, irritated, and sensing an opportunity to sow the seeds of chaos:

Tim: *races into the kitchen*

Tim: You guys will never believe what Bruce just said!

Damian: Well?

Duke: What did he say?

Steph: You can’t leave us hanging like that.

Tim: He said five MORE.

*collective gasp*

Steph: I had better not be one of those five.

Damian: Why does Father get to adopt five more children and I can not adopt five more cats? Cats are much easier to care for than people.

Tim, shrugging: I’m sure he’d be fine with it.

#Bruce later: where did all the cats come from #Tim: I have absolutely no idea #Dick: I can’t believe you adopted without telling me AGAIN #I leave you alone for THREE DAYS #Bruce thinking they’re still talking about the cats: it wasn’t me! #Dick: Oh so what #a stork dropped them off? #Bruce: Can a stork carry that much weight? #Tim: *sipping from his mug having the time of his life* #Dick: *still demanding answers* #Bruce: tuned out because now he’s calculating how much weight a stork could carry #and ​the air speed velocity of an unladen stork if you will #Jason and Cass: *walk in to see Bruce and Dick arguing about storks* #Jason: nope. I’m out #Cass to Jason: Yeah but we could get popcorn #tim drake #all the batkids are little chaos gremlins and you can’t convince me otherwise #batkids #bruce wayne and his serial adoption tendencies #batfam #bruce wayne #damian wayne #stephanie brown #duke thomas #dick grayson #cassandra cain #jason todd

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Duke’s Second (2nd) Day at the Manor

*explosion*

*glass breaking somewhere*

*cat screaming in the background*

*smoke alarm belatedly going off*

Duke: Sorry abo-

Damian: You’ll do.

Duke: What?

Tim: Welcome to the family.

Duke: Uh, yeah. Thanks.

Jason: You’ll fit right in.

Duke: Great.

Cass: Dibs.

Jason: Wait, no! You can’t call dibs on siblings, Cass!

Cass: Too late.

Duke: Should we do something about the fire, or…

Dick, jogging over with a fire extinguisher: Got it.

#what do you mean dc doesn’t stand for disregard canon #duke thomas #batfam #batkids #dick grayson #jason todd #cassandra cain #tim drake #damian wayne #all the batkids are little chaos gremlins and you can’t convince me otherwise

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

#submission #polls #batkids #all the batkids are little chaos gremlins and you can’t convince me otherwise #star wars #crossover #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #stephanie brown #damian wayne #cassandra cain #duke thomas #barbara gordon #batfam #accidental world domination #what do you mean dc doesn’t stand for disregard canon

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

#what do you mean dc doesn’t stand for disregard canon #annoying bruce is the only valid pastime #batman #bruce wayne #batkids #batfam #all the batkids are little chaos gremlins and you can’t convince me otherwise

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

#polls #what do you mean dc doesn’t stand for disregard canon #annoying bruce is the only valid pastime #that tag felt appropriate in this situation #all the batkids are little chaos gremlins and you can’t convince me otherwise #batkids

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Guys. You guys. Go read this it’s hilarious.

#ao3 #batkids #fic recs #all the batkids are little chaos gremlins and you can’t convince me otherwise