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bjornswoman · 4 months

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Foe's regret I

Author's note: Hello there! Here comes this fic you chose to come. At this part I have to say that one more part has left to come from this series. Thank you for supporting me. I wasn't planning on delivering this today. I had it in store for Christmas as a gift to you all, but I couldn't keep myself from posting it, so here it is. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did.

Pairing: Ubbe x Reader.

Genre: Mini!series, drama, angst, violence, slight romance.

Summary: Your life is about to change again, probably this time things will get better... or not.

Warnings: Violence (emotional and physical), mentions of murder (strangulation), strong language.

My enemy and me masterlist | Nemesis's wish | Enemy's cruelty | Rival's touch |

Days and nights had past but everything felt the safe inside your prison. Only this time you weren't only miserable and hopeless, but also betrayed and filthy after that disastrous of a night.

You wanted to run away from Kattegat – from Ubbe. But you knew that this wasn't even an option – not after what had happened the previous time. You wouldn't even dare to lay a foot outside the Hall without someone on your tail.

However, that wasn't the only reason behind this. Your son had a huge impact on your decision. Even if you ever found the opportunity to leave this place for good, Ragnar would hate you for taking him away from his father. A father who was Ubbe Ragnarsson – a magnificent warrior, descendant of Odin himself. The child was his first-born – his heir – you had no right to take him away from him.

On the other hand, you couldn't leave on your own. You couldn't stay away from your son – your heart wouldn't bear not to see him for a day let alone a whole life. The only meaningful thing you had in this life was your son – without him you were dead.

The thundering sound of a goblet falling startled you and forced you out of your thoughts into the atrocious reality. Around you men and women were laughing and drinking, fighting and eating, talking and dancing. It was another feast that you had to pretend to be the perfect wife. False smiles and identical words and promises were all you could see behind the masks of all those pretenders that were surrounding the Hall.

"You don't seem to enjoy yourself." Drunken, slightly hoarse voice spoke from the seat next to yours. It was a familiar one though it didn't belong to your husband – it belonged to his younger brother.

"I am afraid you are mistaken, Hvitserk." You answered and you glanced at the drunk man. Then your eyes went back at the crowd.

You weren't in mood of starting any conversation – even with Hvitserk. You wanted to stay on your seat drinking ale from your goblet until the night was off – and you prayed for it to end soon enough because you couldn't stand seeing her swinging around the Hall giggling with the guests full of your husband's child. And your husband's eyes were only on her, the love of his life – now you knew damn well that he was lying he hated you because he couldn't be with her and you were hating him more than before. More than ever.

"Well, I won't push you to talk if you don't want to, but you should know that if you ever need to spill your guts and let of steam, I'll be here." Those were the realest words you had ever heard coming from someone else – from someone who was too drunk to reconsider the words coming out of his mouth. And yet it didn't seem this way, it seemed like Hvitserk meant each one of them.

You turned your gaze on him properly this time. Maybe he was right you should speak to someone – you should take this weigh off your shoulders, but you knew that Hvitserk couldn't be the one. He was Ubbe's brother and in love with Margrethe. Torvi couldn't be that person either, she was his brother's wife – practically his family.

That resulted to you having no one for once more. You were utterly alone, but you were used to it by now.

"You know that we can't really talk, don't you?" You asked him in low tone of voice and he turned his gaze on you. Green eyes gazing right inside your shuttered soul.

Hvitserk shook his head and chuckled. You looked at him frowning in curiosity.

"Ahh, yes. I almost forgot for a moment that you are more like a bird imprisoned in a golden cage than my brother's wife." You almost smiled at the comparison he managed to make.

"I was never the second as for the first I start to think that the only thing missing is the wings." You tried to play along, but the melancholy didn't let you be as playful as Hvitserk was when he pointed out the similarity between you and a caged bird.

Hvitserk left the goblet on the table and sat properly on his seat, his eyes were only on your figure along with his attention. It was like he was totally sober for a moment.

"You mean he broke your wings the only time you dared to walk out of that cage?"

"Something like that." You smiled sadly, recalling which moment he was talking about.

"And yet you love him. Still."

You frowned. You opened your mouth to protest – to accuse him of lying, to give him one by one all the atrocious reasons that his remark couldn't be true. You almost wanted to rip the collar of your dress and show him the scars of his brother's large hands on your neck of all the time he almost strangled you. But most of all you wanted to yell at him because he dared to say such an awful and offensive thing.

"You don't need to persuade me of the opposite." He continued and grabbed his own goblet taking a long sip of his drink. "I don't know the reason behind all this horrible situation you have to live in – well, in fact, I know it – but I wish things were different between you and him. You are a good woman – you deserve a lot of things and surely this torment isn't one of them. He is a good man as well, but he is stubborn and I can say that he loves you back."

You didn't want to hear anymore. You didn't know which your reaction should be. Not because you were shocked or believed any of his words. You knew that Ubbe didn't love you – he hated you. He had even told you that he loved her that night.

Before Hvitserk could even start again talking about Ubbe's hypothetical love about you, you dumped your own goblet on the table in front of you and left your seat.

"Don't say anything else. Ubbe himself told me that he loves her." You said quickly and stormed in your chamber before Hvitserk could answer you.

You didn't need to hear anything else about Ubbe or Margrethe. In fact, you didn't even want to see them for the rest of the evening. You needed a night away from all this despair – you deserved it after everything you had been through lately.

However, your silence didn't last long because Ubbe stormed in the room more frustrated than you did a few minutes ago.

"What do you want?" You asked him angrily because of his sudden appearance in there.

"Are you out of your mind?" He yelled and kicked the table flipping it over, throwing all the decorations on the floor.

"No, you are out of your mind!" You were yelling too now. You couldn't believe at the audacity of that person. All he did was coming in and yelling at you over and over and over again. It was all a circle happening again and again the same thing and you were tired of re-living the same scene every day.

"I am not the one who caused a whole scene in front of so many people and left! What do you think you are doing?"

"Are you serious? I caused a scene? I was talking with Hvitserk! Just a civilised talking! Something you can't do apparently because all you do is yelling!" You yelled back. All you asked was for a simple night. A silent one which meant away from him and his madness. He was mad – there wasn't any other excuse behind all of his behaviour. However, you couldn't find a proper reason he was in such a state. You hadn't caused any scene in there.

"Don't bring this on me, woman!" He was very angry – you had seen him this way multiple times before and you knew what was to follow. His hands were running through his braids uncontrollably and you couldn't understand the reason he was so mad. "You are the one who humiliated me and my family!" His finger pointed out on you and you scoffed – you couldn't help it – and it enraged him more.

Within a couple of seconds one of his hands was on your throat pressing it until you had no breath in your lugs. Nothing new – just some bruises and marks that you had to hide under your clothing. Ubbe pushed you back on the wall – your back hit so hard that all the inches of your body were shaken.

"You humiliate my name and you have to get punished for it!" He growled and you looked at him as angrily as he eyed you. You weren't going to lose this time – not again. And most importantly you couldn't let him know that you were afraid. He couldn't know.

"What are you going to do that you haven't done yet? What, huh?" You challenged him, looking him in the eyes. You wouldn't back down.

A sardonic smirk formed on his face when he heard your words and his face came closer to yours. You weren't used to be this close to him. Your faces were mere inches apart and without your approval your eyes stared on his masculine features.

"I am going to take Ragnar away from you. You are going to see him again when you will act properly." His tone was normal again, but his nerves weren't. Your eyes widened and you tried to do something you hated yourself for the same moment you did it. You raised your hand and tried to hit him – to slap him on the cheek – but his hand stopped you.

After that, both of his hands were gripping you firmly and this time maybe he would make his dream coming true – he was going to strangle you to death and as he said once; nobody would suspect him.

Your eyes widened again, but this time not because of the fact that he was going to kill you this time, but because you were going to hit him. You had never done that before – never. You had thought about it plenty of times, but never did it.

You closed your eyes waiting for your death and tears rolled from your eyes – tears because you tried to hit him. He had done horrible things, but you – you weren't this beast. Images of your son were flashing before your eyes at you last moments.

But you didn't die at the end of day, because the door opened and Hvitserk along with Sigurd and Bjorn forced Ubbe away from you. They tried to help you when Ubbe was forced away from you, but you stopped them you fell on the floor coughing, trying to breathe normally again.

Bjorn and Sigurd were talking to him as Hvitserk was standing next to you trying to make sure whether you were fine or not.

"He wasn't.... going to kill me." You managed to say with clear difficulty in breathing. All pairs of eyes were following you while you were struggling to stand up.

"It didn't seem this way to me." Bjorn pointed out and you shook your head trying to convince him the thing around.

"I wouldn't kill her." Ubbe spoke finally, his burning blue eyes were only on you as your own eyes were on him. "Now leave us for a moment. We will be alright." He told them and they looked at disbelief before they walked to the door.

"We will be right outside, don't even think about it." Hvitserk warned his brother before all of them were out of the door and stayed just the two of you in the room.

Ubbe didn't try to come close to you, he stayed at his former position and neither of you talked. The atmosphere was suffocating inside the room.

"You were very lucky this time, but next time you will raise your hand on me you won't be that lucky." He warned you in much calmer tone of voice.

It was a threat – another threat.

You hated yourself for trying to hit him. He had never done it, but had done other equally awful things. You wanted to tell how sorry you felt and ask for forgiveness and you would if it was for another person. You would never leave your guard down for him again. You knew better than falling for his tricks again.

"We will see about that." You couldn't keep your mouth from saying it.

"Don't tempt me to finish what I started." Ubbe growled before he was out of the door.

"I'm sorry." You muttered when he was out of the chamber and touched your hurting neck. Tears started streaming from your eyes at the memory of you raising your hand on Ubbe.

After some hours, you un-braided your hair and put on your night-gown ready to lay on your bed, after your son was asleep. You blew out the candles and laid on your bed closing your eyes. But you didn't get to sleep, because the wooden door opened and closed. You kept your eyes shut, but your hand moved under your pillow and wrapped around your dagger's handle.

When you felt the mattress next to you moving, you turned around and pointed the dagger at the man's neck. You could recognise him under the midnight light coming from your window. You knew this person well – fortunately.

"I must confess that I wasn't expecting this." He whispered, but you didn't take the dagger away from his neck. For the first time ever, Ubbe Ragnarsson was under your mercy. That meant that you could do to him anything you liked. This was getting entertaining.

"Why are you here anyway? You should be with your wife." You reminded both of you and moved the dagger closer to the flesh of his throat.

"In case you forgot you are my wife."

"I meant your other wife."

Ubbe didn't seem to want to answer your question probably he – himself – didn't know the reason he was on your bed.

"You know that I could take this little knife of yours easily." He said and touched the tip of your blade. You smirked hoping that he couldn't see it in the dark.

"Yes, but you haven't taken it yet." You heard him chuckling and you smiled.

"No, I haven't." His voice was coming from somewhere closer than you remembered. The dagger was still pressed on his neck, but it seemed as he didn't care at all about its existence – he wasn't afraid of you and that was annoying you even more than his arrogancy.

"I could kill you and nobody could prove it was me." You recollected his own words and used them to upset it, but it had quite different effect than the one you wanted.

As an answer his hand was placed on top of yours – on top of the hand which was holding the dagger on his throat. He guided the blade closer to his flesh and you watched him thrilled as he was pressing his own skin with the sharp knife.

"Do it. Kill me. Nobody deserves to kill me more than you do. If I am to die soon, I'd prefer to be you the one holding the blade soaking in my blood. So, don't hesitate, do it – slice my neck." The smell of blood reached your nostrils and you knew that it came out of him. He had been cut by the blade, but it hadn't been deep enough to be fatal.

You pulled the knife away from Ubbe and dropped it on the stony floor. Your hands were working hard in the darkness trying to reach for his wound. You knew that he was bleeding when your hands me the something liquid streaming – his blood.

You hoped desperately that he couldn't see your face. He couldn't see how upset and worried you were for him. You didn't want him to suppose that you cared – you didn't care. You didn't care at all.

And yet you couldn't stop yourself from lighting the candles again and searching for a cloth to treat him. When you found what you were looking for, you went back to bed. You sat next to his lying form and placed the cloth in the bowl of water. Then, you placed the wet cloth on his wound and he didn't react – he didn't even flinch.

His blue eyes were focused on you trying to stop the blood streaming.

"I thought you would want to get rid of me by now." Ubbe finally spoke and you dared to glance at him for a passing moment. You thought to yourself. You thought that it would be better if he was dead. However, you couldn't picture his death. You were afraid that if you even tried, it would happen. It should have been what all you were waiting for, but it wasn't.

"I have told you, Ubbe, I've never wanted you dead." Your eyes were back on the cut on his throat. It wasn't a fatal wound and it wasn't big enough, but still you couldn't let him bleeding. Not even for some minutes. "Not even after everything that we've been through." You confessed in a soft tone of voice. In such way that you didn't want him to know about that last part. But, now, he knew.

"And yet I would kill you if I had the chance." This was a confess and it made you smile. It wasn't like you weren't afraid that he wasn't going to do it, you were sure that earlier he would have killed you if his brothers hadn't stormed in the room.

Ubbe could kill you easily, but this didn't mean that you could do this to him as well. He didn't care whether your son would grow up having a mother or not, as you did. But this didn't make you change your mind when it should have had. If you were to walk away one day, you would do this and he would be alive. Although, if that ever happened, he wouldn't let you go far enough – he would find you anywhere.

"You have the chance now." You reminded him that you were alone and your gaze met his under the slight light of the candles. You left the cloth in the bowl and placed it on the table close to your bed.

"I can't kill you right now." Ubbe said and stood up from your bed to meet you.

"Why not?"

You hated the way your eyes were magnetised on his imposing figure. It reminded you how much more powerless you were comparing to him. You wanted to force your eyes away, but you couldn't bring yourself to.

Ubbe shook his head trying to fight back a smirk which was forming on his face.

"It feels like you are provoking me into killing you sometimes. You are so annoying and careless and stubborn and I can't keep myself."

His footsteps became heavier when he almost reached you. You didn't make any attempt to get away from him – you stayed on your former position, staring at him.

"From killing me?"

A low chuckle – one so dark that got goosebumps – came out of his mouth and he took a step closer to you. Again, you didn't try to escape which seemed a terrible idea.

You knew that you were asking too many questions that could get you in danger. This man was so unpredictable that you weren't sure when he would snap out of nowhere and try to strangle you again – or this time he wouldn't use his hands.

"Among other things." These words came out darker than it probably meant.

It wasn't long before he was in front of you and his hands were reaching for your skin. They rested on your neck, but not like previously. He wasn't wrapping his hands firmly around you – he was touching you. Just touching. Nothing more – only pure touching. And yet, only pure it wasn't. Nothing was pure between Ubbe and yourself.

His touch was intoxicating and you felt like you needed more of it. You needed this touch in every inch of your body. It was forbidden – Ubbe was forbidden. And that was the exact reason you had to stop this. Because if you didn't, it would ruin you again and this time it would be worse than any other.

You took some steps back. He didn't try to reach you again. Ubbe knew himself that this was a big mistake and it shouldn't happen again.

"Margrethe probably needs you." You told him bitterly. You couldn't even pronounce her name without feeling this weird feeling which had the exact taste with poison. "She's close to give birth to your child. You should be there for them both."

Ubbe knew that you were speaking the truth – he should have been with his wife – and yet he was in your chambers standing opposite you, feeling attracted to this room – feeling attracted to you.

"You didn't need me though."

It surprised you to hear him saying that. However, it was another truth that couldn't go by unnoticed or stay hidden between you two. You didn't lie to each other because you didn't care about the opinion the other person would form. At least that was what it was supposed to be like.

Indeed almost each month of your pregnancy you were alone, but you liked it. You didn't want Ubbe around – you hated the idea that he would eventually be around when this child would be born.

"But she does." You managed to mutter. You were trying to bring back those feelings. Those you had for him during your pregnancy – when he had been on another raiding and you hadn't seen him for plenty of months.

When you could actually hate him because you didn't have to see him every single day.

"Once you had told me that your feelings for me weren't hateful when I was away." Ubbe's voice held a different tone. One you confessed coming out of his mouth few times.

Yes, you could recall that conversation. It was the one he told you that he was thinking about you at the battlefield, but it was too late to believe in his words, because you had already found out about the slave girl and her child. It was one of the worst days of your life – how somebody could forget the day their life took the downfall.

Although, that conversation was the last thing you wanted to remember after all this threats and the tears you shed. And yet it was still stuck in your mind like it was yesterday.

"I was trying to give in to the feelings I felt for you. The way I had you in my mind when I was at the battlefield. Don't ask me how those feelings were formed — I have no idea. I was thinking of you, knowing that you were praying for me not to return. Those feelings couldn't be replaced by any fight we had. At the end of the day, all that stayed in my mind was one of your rare smiles and the way you care for our son."

Ubbe had said.

"I have never prayed for you to die on the battlefield. I did quite the opposite in fact and it felt strange in my heart. I hated — I told my self to hate you — I was telling myself all the things I hated in you so I could hate you. I felt strange for you — my heart was beating in a strange way as much as I tried to avoid it, it exists, still."

That was your reply.

Your eyes were fixed on his gaze. Ubbe wasn't paying attention in anything else in the room but you. It felt like nothing else existed except the two of you. If it was under different circumstances, you would feel special and even loved – only if it was even possible to acknowledge how it felt to be loved by someone.

His tone was a soft and kind of regretful one. But it had never lasted long. This time time it wasn't due to him mood swings but due to his brother storming in the room, out of breath. Hvitserk cut him off when it was obvious that he was about to say something – or more accurately – confess something.

When you saw the man standing next to the door, you let a long breath – one you weren't aware that you were holding all this time – to leave.

"Margrethe is in labour!" Hvitserk exclaimed and everything changed inside you. It felt like the reality was coming back and your delightful dream was over. The object of your misery was back there – visible –standing in your way.

Your husband's eyes met yours. Regret – they yelled. But you couldn't understand which was the thing he had regretted for.

For cheating?

For impregnating her?

For marrying her?

For treating you like garbage?

For forcing you to stay in his side?

For the misery he put you into?

Too many reasons and they weren't all of them. There must have been something you couldn't recall. And yet, you didn't care. You couldn't even feel pity for your wasted life anymore. In fact, you couldn't anything – you were empty.

"She's asking for you brother." Hvitserk spoke again this time softer. His eyes were moving from Ubbe to you and the opposite, because no one of you had said a word.

"Yes." Was the only thing Ubbe managed to say and dragged his brother outside of the room. "You should be there too. Make yourself proper and come." Your husband was back. That was the Ubbe you knew. Your tyrant.

You had no tears left to shed. You were just empty as you were putting on your dress.

You were empty when you walked through her chambers and had to confess her labour.

You were empty even when the child was out. Boy – the midwife had announced happily. And she brought it in your hands and you weren't empty anymore. He was crying his guts out – like your own. His brown eyes were big and pure and you lost yourself inside them so mush that you almost didn't noticed. Although when you actually show them, they didn't mean anything – a child was brought in the world and it was the biggest blessing Frigg could give to a woman.

"Give him to me!" Margrethe's voice was the one who heard through the silent room, but you didn't move to place her son on her lap.

"The prince should hold him, my lady." The midwife reasoned her, but she didn't stop yelling for her son.

Even if she wanted, she couldn't hide away the child from Ubbe. Sooner or later, he would see him. You couldn't interfere or even felt pity. Nobody pitied you when you cried. Nobody cared for you feelings.

You placed the boy on her lap. Without sparing a look at her – the young man was all you cared about. Which could possibly be his fate. Why did it have to be this difficult for a baby just born. Why should a child carry its parent's burdens.

Your footsteps were vast as you were exiting that suffocating room.

"Son." You muttered when you met the curious eyes of the people who were supposed to be your family. Your eyes dared to wander only on Ubbe's form. You were supposed to bring him his son on your hands and it would probably have happened this way is things had been different.

Ubbe frowned when he spotted your unclear expression. Even you weren't empty enough to be idle after this. You almost felt sympathy for him, forgetting about all the horrible things you had been through because of his cruelty.

If you were as cruel as Ubbe was on you, you would even say that all this was a payback for all his doing. But you didn't feel like it, not when in the middle of this situation stood a new-born boy. One that would probably be the object to everyone's ire.

Ubbe didn't wait for a second word or asked anything else, he just burst into the room without warning. You didn't dare to move or speak another word. After all, it wasn't about you anymore.

Tag list: @bruher, @utterlyhopeful-fics, @hypocritic-trash-baby, @fofisstilinski, @brianochka, @thelirofnorthlands, @malamistka, @gothicwidowsworld, @savagemickey03, @brianna-merlim, @shitsandgiggles1

#vikings ubbe #ubbe imagine #ubbe lothbrok #ubbe ragnarsson #ubbe #ubbe x reader #ubbe fanfiction #vikings au #vikings x reader #vikings imagine #vikings fic

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apomaro-mellow · 1 year

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okay yall convinced me to continue this

Eddie looked around and all he saw was black. Was this what death was like? He expected more people. But maybe death was just solitude. Then all of a sudden he wasn't alone.

He jumped back when he came face to face with, himself.

"What the fuck?"

His mirror image looked back and smirked. Then looked down at his hands.

"Finally."

"What the hell is going on here? Where am I? W-we?"

"Vecna is putting us back together. We can see everyone again soon."

"You mean...I'm not dead?"

"Oh we're very much alive. In fact, I'd say we're better than before."

As his mirror said that, Eddie felt a new energy thrumming in his veins.

"Why? Why would Vecna do this, I was tryina kill that bastard!"

"He wants something in return. To use us against them."

"Like hell that's gonna happen. I-"

"Didn't let myself get chomped on just so I could be used by an actual murderer."

"How did you-"

"Is it not obvious? I'm still you. But I'm the parts he wants to use. The part that's afraid of Vecna. Afraid of the world for seeing us for what we are. And angry at our lot in life. And ashamed for how we feel."

Eddie didn't respond. It was all a lot to take in. When his other self mentioned shame for feeling something, a certain face popped into his head.

"We're going to see him again. And this time, I'm going to take what I want."

"You put a hand on him and-" Eddie stopped himself. Not only did he feel pretty powerless here, he was never that good at restraining his own actions. "You touch him and he'll kick your ass."

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After his little stunt, Eddie/Kas found themselves tied up again, this time in Steve's garage. And this time with chains (duct tape boys? really?). Nancy also made sure his legs were chained to the chair and had a shotgun trained on him the whole time they talked.

"We're all sure he's real?", she asked, nudging his cheek with her barrel. She was the only one here to actually experience Vecna's illusions besides Max. She knew how convincing they could be.

"He's real", Jonathan said, a lighter ready just in case. "Steve and the others said so."

Nancy rifled through all the information she got when she received the code red. Something that looked like Eddie had returned. But it was very obviously NOT Eddie. Stronger, faster, more durable. And apparently was receiving orders directly from Vecna. He also apparently had a craving for flesh, having busted into the meat locker of a deli before being found.

"What's your game this time? Use our friend's face to trick us?", she questioned.

"Heh, it really warms our heart that you call us 'friend'. Guess quality time over quantity, huh?" He was smiling, like none of this was a threat to him. Knowing creatures of the Upside Down, it would take more than one bullet, but Nancy had plenty.

"I believe I laid down my terms with the others pretty clearly. I'll follow your rules, so long as Steve is the one to watch me."

"Why Steve?", Jonathan asked.

Kas grinned at him. "Steve's my favorite."

"Oh my god, shut up, shut up, shut up", Eddie lamented from their shared mental space.

While Nancy and Jonathan were handling that situation in the garage, Steve was trying to get a grip on what was happening in his house. They were practically running up the walls.

"Steve you don't understand!", Dustin exclaimed. "This is huge!"

"I don't see how a monster posing as Eddie is huge?"

"But they're not just posing. It IS Eddie", Mike said.

"We don't know that. Not until Nancy confirms it."

Will rolled his eyes. "Oh like she'd know. She talked to Eddie for what? A day?"

"Cut the sass. And if you can talk, you can move your hands." Steve handed Will the knife and pushed some peppers his way.

"The point is WE, you know the people who actually hung out with Eddie would know him better. We should be the ones interrogating him", Lucas said, actually doing his duty of buttering a casserole dish.

"The other point is we don't NEED to question him because we already know that it's actually Eddie", Dustin said. "Vecna wouldn't know who Kas is. Eddie's in there. And he's telling us that he's on our side."

"You remember what Max told us, right? Vecna gets in your head. He sees what you see, knows what you know." Steve took the dish from Lucas and poured some rice into it. "If he got to Eddie, then he knows what Eddie knows." When Will finished dicing, Steve took the knife and was about to wash it under running water when he heard someone approach.

"Is Mama Steve making dinner?"

Steve reacted first and thought second and the knife flew threw the air. Kas caught it easily and twirled the knife in his hand.

"Nice aim. Lemme guess, little league?"

Nancy and Jonathan were right behind him. Steve wanted to respond. Maybe ask 'what the hell? why isn't he tied up? Nancy where's your gun?' But the kids got to it first.

"Tell us everything!" Mike demanded.

Dustin started rallying off questions. "Are you actually Eddie? Just enhanced? Or like a split personality? Is it one that came naturally or one Vecna implanted? Is Eddie like inside of you? Can he come out?"

"All in due time", Kas said, walking by them all to get to Steve, who once again looked like a deer with a car coming straight on.

"We struck a deal, princess. Looks like we're roomies."

There was still at least a foot separating them yet Steve felt boxed in. It was the same sensation he got whenever Eddie talked to him and only him, but intensified.

"Umm, hope you like chicken and rice?"

Internally, Eddie was falling to his knees. Steve's cooking, Steve in the process of cooking, with his little chickadees orbiting him. It was a domestic scene too much for his pining heart and he was actually glad right now that he wasn't holding the reins. Falling to his knees for chicken and rice wasn't the best look for a metalhead.

"Eddie would love some", Kas said cooly.

--------------------------

Dinner was an odd affair. All of them trying to figure out Kas in their own way. Dustin and Mike with their blatant questions, Lucas telling them to cool it, Nancy with her more subtle line of questioning, Will trying to see if he could feel anything, and Jonathan trying to see if Will was effected.

Steve was the only one pointedly trying to ignore the man which was very difficult given that he was doing everything in his power to get his attention. His favorite move seemed to be nudging Steve's foot with his own, causing Steve to bump his knee against the table at least three times.

Eddie wanted to roll into a hole and die. He especially wanted to do so when Kas started eyeing Steve's leg, because he knew what was coming.

"No, absolutely not. He let you get away with this much. But he will rip of your hand for this", Eddie said.

"I think he'd let us get away with much more." So Kas went ahead and put his hand on Steve's thigh, making him jolt up from his chair.

So yeah, quite the interesting dinner.

After eating, they figured out a rotation schedule for watching him. Technically Steve was only on the schedule for six hours a day. But considering Kas would be at his house the entire time, they'd be spending a lot more time together.

The rest of them were getting ready to leave so that they could check in with the others, but Nancy hung back to talk to Steve semi-privately.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

Steve glanced at the mysterious figure that was masquerading as Eddie, who was openly leering at him while ignoring the children.

"I'll be..uh, I can hang in there Nance, don't worry."

Then everyone else left, leaving the two of them alone. Steve felt a little like caged prey. But he also felt like this version of Eddie wouldn't hurt him. Not physically at least. But that left other things to do to him and Steve was afraid to go down that rabbit hole of possibilities.

"It's just you and me, Steve."

Part 3A More plotty, fluffy, bit of angst

Part 3B Less plotty, more smutty

Tag team:

@jestyzesty

@mightbeasleep

@findafight

@spooky-mulders

#apo writes #stranger things #fanfiction #steddie #kas!eddie #the party #yall are a pretty convincing crowd #just went ahead and tagged peeps who seemed interested #hope that was okay

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mcflymemes · 7 months

Text

PROMPTS FROM BACK TO THE FUTURE * assorted dialogue from the 1985 film, adjust as necessary

hey, [name]? hello, anybody home?

thank god i found you.

what's going on? where have you been all week?

y'know, this time it wasn't my fault.

you got a real attitude problem, [name].

why even bother? you haven't got a chance.

yeah, well. history is gonna change.

one rejection isn't the end of the world.

if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.

i'll call you tonight.

what are you looking at, butthead?

say hi to your mom for me.

do you have any idea how important this was? do you have any clue?

we're gonna have to eat this cake by ourselves.

we all make mistakes in life.

you didn't fall asleep, did you?

welcome to my latest experiment!

all of your questions will be answered.

when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit.

where the hell are they?

i don't get what happened.

things have certainly changed around here.

oh my god, they found me. i don't know how but they found me.

run for it, [name]!

this has gotta be a dream.

i just wanna use the phone.

you wouldn't want that to happen, would you?

i don't wanna see you in here again.

i'm gonna make something out of myself.

you've been asleep for almost nine hours.

do you mind if i sit here?

that's a big bruise you have there.

what were you doing in the middle of the street?

i think you should spend the night.

i don't wanna know your name. i don't wanna know anything about you.

i'm sorry, but i'm afraid you're stuck here.

maybe you were adopted.

what have you been doing all day?

nothing's coming to mind.

i'm writing this down. this is good stuff.

hey, don't i know you from somewhere?

i'm your density. i mean... i'm your destiny.

i'm gonna get that son-of-a-bitch.

how did you know i was here?

i think a man should be strong... so he could stand up for himself and protect the woman he loves.

i never picked a fight in my entire life.

i'm really gonna miss you, [name].

you got a permit for that?

you might regret it later in life.

you're beginning to sound just like my mother.

leave her alone, you bastard.

this is for all you lovers out there.

will we ever see you again?

i have to tell you about the future!

i figured... what the hell.

look me up when you get there.

i can't keep up with all your boyfriends.

i think we need a rematch.

why am i always the last one to know about these things?

like i always told you, if you put your mind to it you can accomplish anything.

you're acting like you haven't seen me in a week.

roads? where we're going, we don't need roads.

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stonedcoldfoxtarot · 11 months

Text

Their 3 am thoughts about you

Pick a card + hidden messages & channeled song inspired by William Miller’s artist series, Ruined Polaroids

Pile 1 -> Pile 2

Pile 3 -> Pile 4

Pile 1

10oW, 4oC, 8oP, 4oW, AoW, 4oP (Death)

This person thinks about how in the past they may have been inconsistent or closed off towards you. They think about how they didn’t want to take on the responsibility of a relationship or put in the work to have a solid connection. However, this person now realizes that this was a missed opportunity in love. And they think about how they can work towards building new, solid foundations for the both of you. This person desires you deeply and obsesses over how to slowly but surely win you back. When they can't sleep, they think about starting over again except this this time they want to do things right.

Hidden Messages Oracle Deck #1

Thinking about buying you a ring. Would you say yes?

I want a life and a family with you

I prayed for a love like this

“We’re Just Friends” is what I tell myself and others

Bottom of the deck: I’m afraid of commitment

Hidden Messages Oracle Deck #2

I want to get to know you

Let’s be friends first

I want to marry you

I get so turned on when I see, hear or think of you

I don’t see anyone else but you

Bottom of the deck: I think about you constantly

Pile 2

7oC, Lovers, Judgement, 9oW, Death, Chariot (10oC)

This person holds onto a fantasy of a possible connection with you and imagines how it would feel to finally hold you in their arms. For some, they may already be in a committed relationship and struggling to choose between you and their current partner. For others, this person may have had numerous love options in the past and only wanted to keep things casual or sex-based. Still, they may toss and turn and lose sleep as their deep-seated feelings and thoughts about you begin to resurface. This person may have tried to dead this connection to forget about you, but this has only fueled their fantasies and obsessive thoughts even further. They are idealizing what could have been, and for some, they may also be thinking about coming together with you to start or raise a family.

Hidden Messages Oracle Deck #1

I feel like I’m under your spell. I’m obsessed

I will leave them for you

Friends with benefits

I think you’re my soulmate

Bottom of the deck: I really like you

Hidden Messages Oracle Deck #2

I want to take care of you

I want you to have my baby and my last name

I’m afraid to contact you

I see you as the parent of my future child

Bottom of the deck: This is big for me, I need time to think

Pile 3

10oS, Hanged Man, Devil, 8oP, 10oP, AoC (FoW)

Late at night this person acknowledges that they betrayed or failed you in the past by prioritizing other people or things in their life. For some, they may have had an affair with someone they met at work, been a workaholic or struggled with some form of addiction that tore you guys apart. They regret fumbling a real and solid connection because they finally realize that no one else compares to you. This person also thinks about how even though they deeply loved you, in the past they still chose to do you dirty. They feel like they should have fought harder for the connection, and for some, they feel they are ready to rise to the challenge and win back your heart once again.

Hidden Messages Oracle Deck #1

Sometimes I cry about you when I’m alone

The fire I feel for you I’ve never felt for anyone else

I’m afraid of commitment

I love you

Bottom of the deck: Pay attention to the red flags

Hidden Messages Oracle Deck #2

I will call or text you soon. I want to tell you everything

A lot happened and now everything in my life is changing

I think about you 24/7

We’re too different. What if this doesn’t work?

Bottom of the deck: Let’s get faded and make love

Pile 4

9oW, 3oC rev, 5oW, 4oW, 8oC, 3oS (Empress)

This person might already be in a connection with someone else and they may have tried to keep you as a backup option. For some of you, this person may also have a child on the way or be in a relationship with someone who already has kids. I feel that this person tries hard to not think about you, especially late at night. During the day they may even block you out of their mind completely. At some point, you may have felt you had no choice but to walk away and leave them in the past, and this left you both feeling brokenhearted and withdrawn. However, for many of you, I feel that this person misses you a lot and wishes you’d consider giving them another chance.

Hidden Messages Oracle Deck #1

I miss you

I’m married or already committed

I’m hiding my feelings for you

I want to build with you

Bottom of the deck: You mean everything to me

Hidden Messages Oracle Deck #2

Will this actually work?

I’m afraid of this connection

I’m thinking of what to say to you

Bottom of the deck: I know I’m stubborn but so are you

Thanks for reading🔮✨

#pac reading #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #intuitive readings #tarot #tarot reading #love reading #pac #pick a pic #crush pick a card #stonedcoldfoxtarot

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sihtricfedaraaahvicius · 8 months

Text

Note: I know I said I wouldn't write/post a fic today, but I couldn't stop myself in my grief, and I needed a LOT of fluff as well as a coping mechanism. So here I am, with a little ode to my beloved Thor. Firefighter chapter 3, direct follow up to part 2.

Warnings: suggestive/fluff. mention of animal death, grief and a brief hint to childhood trauma.

pairing: Modern!Sihtric x you (f)

summary: Sihtric stuck by your side after the incident with your cat.

wordcount: 3,7k

Masterlist

'Do you hate me? For what happened?'

After you saw your Mister Meow Meow under Sihtric's car, Sihtric had held you tightly wrapped in his arms, pressed against his chest. He cried just as hard as you did, and kept murmuring endless 'I'm so sorry, love,' and 'I really didn't see him,' as he held you. Sihtric eventually asked what you wanted to do with Meow Meow's body, and you said he should be buried.

'Next to the tree he always climbed in,' you sniffled, 'where you and I first met.'

Sihtric smiled softly and agreed. He wiped your tears and you tried to wipe his eyeliner, which had run down his cheeks, as best as you could. Sihtric picked Meow Meow up in his arms and carried the lifeless body inside. You figured the poor cat had been sleeping on your driveway, as usual, because no one normally used it at that hour, so it was one of his favourite spots to nap, when you'd let him out of the house. And you completely forgot that Meow Meow had escaped through the open back door when you and Sihtric had sex on the living room floor, before the BBQ. And therefore it didn't cross your mind that he could be sleeping in your driveway, but when you heard that thump, you immediately knew what had happened. At least he was asleep, you thought, so he went rather… peacefully.

You searched your attic for a box in which your furry friend would fit, and you draped it with a soft cloth. Sihtric had cleaned Meow Meow up as best as he could, and carefully laid him inside the box, then stood back and let you do your thing. You petted Meow Meow on his little head and pressed a soft kiss to it, then you put some of his favourite toys in the box with him, as well as a few cat treats he loved.

'Maybe he'll need a snack on his way,' you sobbed with shocking shoulders.

Sihtric wrapped his arm around you as you both looked down into the box, and he held you tight when you broke out in tears again.

'Do you wish to bury him now?' Sihtric asked after a few minutes, wiping a tear from his own face, 'it's quite late. I mean, I don't mind it, love, I'll dig a hole right now if you want. But maybe you want to wait until the morning?'

'Maybe it's better in the morning,' you sniffled, 'it's really dark out there, near the tree.'

Sihtric agreed, kissed your forehead and cupped your cheeks. 'Can I do anything for you right now, sweetheart, tell me?'

'Will you s-stay here with me?' you fought your tears, 'tonight? I'd like to sleep at… at my house now.'

Sihtric looked at you, compassionately, and he pressed another soft kiss to your forehead, then to your lips.

'Of course, doll,' he whispered, 'but I do really have to stop by my place to feed… you know,' he struggled to say 'his cat', afraid you'd resent him for still having a breathing cat at home.

'I know,' you said, 'you should go and feed Dog,' you smiled lightly at the silly name of his cat, 'and give him a cuddle for me.'

'I will,' Sihtric smiled softly, 'will you be okay here for like half an hour?'

'Yeah,' you looked back at Meow Meow, 'it'll give me some time alone to say goodbye, I guess.'

Sihtric studied you, desperately hoping you would be okay.

'I'll be okay,' you reassured him when you saw the look in his eyes, 'it'll just be weird, to sleep without a cat on the bed, you know?'

'I know,' Sihtric said, 'I promise I'll be back soon, okay?'

He pecked your face all over and then kissed your lips again. 'See you in a bit, babe,' he whispered before he kissed your cheek.

And when Sihtric drove off your driveway, he started sobbing behind the wheel. Another animal died because of me, he thought.

After an ugly crying session, you managed to somewhat compose yourself again. You closed the box and placed Mister Meow Meow safely on the table. You found peace knowing that the cat was already of age and half deaf. He had a good life full of cuddles and treats,and in the morning you'd say your last goodbye. With that thought you went upstairs and changed into your pyjamas.

Not much later Sihtric rang your doorbell, and as you opened the door, Sihtric ran back to his car.

'I hope you don't mind I brought someone,' Sihtric smiled when he walked back up to you, holding his own adorable, black cat in his arms.

'Dog!' you cried out, and started sobbing again, 'of course I don't mind,' you said and took the cat in your arms.

Dog was Sihtric's emotional support cat, and if there's anything you needed, it was emotional support.

After some strong doctor's advice, Sihtric was matched up with Dog about two years ago, after a lot of childhood trauma had spilled out during long overdue therapy sessions. Sihtric hadn't given you a lot of details, except that his trauma was caused by his father, and that it led to Sihtric having severe panic attacks when he was alone at home often. And Sihtric said he's been doing so much better ever since he got Dog.

When Sihtric got home to feed Dog that night, before returning to you, he broke out in tears again and laid down on his kitchen floor. Dog ran up to him immediately, licking his face and jumping on his chest. And then Sihtric knew he had to bring his cat with him. Sihtric was afraid he'd freak out at night, at your place, if he started to spiral about him accidentally killing Meow Meow, but he also knew you would feel better too with Dog around.

You sat on your bed, on top of the sheets as you played with Dog, who was easily entertained while doing his job of making you, and Sihtric, feel happier and more calm. Sihtric sat back, shirtless, against your bed's headboard, and the sheets covered him from his hips down. You were too busy with Dog to glance over your shoulder, but if you had done so, you would've found Sihtric's eyes on you.

Sihtric stared at you with his heavy-lidded and completely in love mismatched eyes. A soft smile graced his face and he felt his heart ache inside his chest. Sihtric wished he knew how to express his feelings for you, but he didn't even know if there was a way, or if there would ever be a word that could express what he felt for you.

I'm going to marry her, Sihtric thought as he looked at you. He suddenly smiled wider and lightly shook his head to himself. You only met her like two months ago, you idiot, he argued with himself. Yeah, but I love her. She's just… perfect. I can't even imagine not having her in my life anymore. Am I going too fast? He furrowed his brow. Maybe, Sihtric lightly shrugged at his inner dialogue. Okay, maybe. But… proposing doesn't mean you have to get married fast. You can be engaged for years. Sihtric nodded, that is true, he thought. And he snapped out of his thoughts when he heard your soft giggle, when Dog jumped in your lap and started purring as he headbutted his soft head against yours. Oh, fucking… gods, Sihtric exhaled sharply at the sight of you and his cat. She'll be my death regardless, the little valkyrie she is, he smiled at himself again and a soft chuckle escaped his lips.

You turned and found Sihtric smiling at himself.

'What are you up to?' you smiled.

'Hm?' Sihtric snapped out of his thoughts again, 'oh, n-nothing,' he blushed.

'Sure,' you chuckled, 'well, I think we should go to sleep. I'm exhausted,' you said and joined him under the covers.

You faced Sihtric and he snuck his arm around your waist under the blankets, pulling you a little closer against his body, and your legs tangled together. Dog settled down on Sihtric's pillow, resting his fluffy body against the top of Sihtric's head, as the cat always did when Sihtric wasn't laying down on his back. Otherwise Dog would sleep on Sihtric's chest, as the cat was trained to monitor Sihtric's breathing. If it would suddenly spike, the cat knew something was off and would distract Sihtric in any way possible. And you thought Dog was a blessing for watching over the love of your life like that.

'I… have to ask,' Sihtric spoke softly, 'do you- do you hate me? For what happened?'

'Hate y-,' you frowned, 'Sihtric,' you sighed and chuckled, 'of course I don't hate you, how can you possibly think that? It was an accident. I don't blame you, honey,' you said, 'if it was me driving, the same thing would've happened. We both didn't see Meow Meow.'

'I just feel so awful, baby,' Sihtric whispered and pressed is forehead against yours, 'I'm so fucking sorry. This is going to haunt me…'

You hushed him sweetly and cupped his cheeks.

'Stop that,' you whispered, 'there is no reason to beat yourself up over this, okay?'

Sihtric nodded as he sniffled. 'I'm sorry, love,' he said.

'And stop saying sorry,' you chuckled lightly, 'promise me you will try to let this go? I am not mad at you, I don't blame you, and you don't need to apologise. It just happened.'

Sihtric nodded again, 'I'll try,' he said and gave you a soft smile.

He caressed your cheek with his thumb and bit down on his lip as his eyes darted over your face. He hummed soft and allowed a bigger smile to tug at his lips.

'You're so damn cute. Hm, I love you,' Sihtric whispered, then realised he had said that out loud and his eyes grew wide, 'I- I mean…' he stammered.

You stared at him with big, glossy eyes, seeing Sihtric's cheeks turn a shade of red before he tried to hide his face, but you stopped him from pulling the blankets over his head.

'You love me?' you asked after a long moment of silence.

'Well,' Sihtric chuckled nervously, 'y-yeah. I....'

'I love you too,' you blurted out.

'You do?' Sihtric looked concerned.

'Of course,' you laughed shyly, 'I… I love you.'

'Okay, but… I love you more,' Sihtric smiled a little smug, and he pulled you in for a kiss.

After you both admitted to being in love with each other, there seemed to be no more stopping. You were both emotionally exhausted, but that didn't stop neither of you from whispering 'I love you' in between soft kisses and cuddles for hours on end, until you finally fell asleep. And it seemed that the more affection you showed to Sihtric, the more smothering he became, but you loved it and couldn't get enough of him.

You were glad you had been able to sleep with him that night, and with Dog, who was a much calmer sleeper than Mister Meow Meowever was, but you enjoyed his soft purring all the same. And you woke up rather early in the morning, with Sihtric next to you. You sat up and looked at him for a moment, and you smiled at the sight of the handsome firefighter in your bed, who loved you.

And you couldn't help yourself when you cuddled up to him and pressed soft kisses to his shoulder and neck, to wake him up, hoping to get some hot action.

Sihtric hummed softly and wrapped his arms around you while you continued your kisses. And the more awake and aware Sihtric became, the intenser he hummed and the bigger his smile grew.

'Hm, baby,' Sihtric husked as you pecked his neck again, 'do you know what you're starting here?'

'Mhm,' you smiled, hands moving up into his short hair, 'and I hope to finish it too.'

'Hm, fuck,' Sihtric smiled and bit down on his lip, his hands moving down to your ass.

He grabbed your hips and pulled you on top with ease, his arousal teasing you as you straddled him. You leaned in to kiss his lips, and you moved one hand down into his boxers. Sihtric's breath hitched and he hummed with a smile.

'You know what I like,' he whispered, slowly running out of breath as you worked his length with your hand.

You kept your face close to his, enjoying the expressions that twitched on his face as you pleased him.

'You like that?' you purred.

'Fuck,' Sihtric's breathing became faster, heavier, his hands squeezing your thighs, 'need you to fuck me, babe,' he moaned, 'you make me so damn horny all the time,' he breathed heavily, 'come on, doll, let me have you.'

And just as you wanted to pull down his boxers, Sihtric's cat leaped onto his chest.

'What the-,' you blinked and sat back up.

'Fuck!' Sihtric hissed, 'not now!' he groaned and shoved the cat off, but Dog wasn't having it, and jumped back on his chest.

Then you realised the cat probably thought Sihtric was in a state of panic, as his breathing was hard, fast and heavy. And you started to laugh.

'Fucking… gods,' Sihtric sighed and chuckled, 'really, Dog? This is exactly why you sleep downstairs when she's over,' he hissed at his cat, regretting he brought him right now.

You cackled and got off Sihtric.

'God,' you snorted, 'that's a cockblock, huh?'

Sihtric muttered and hid his face behind his hands.

'Shit,' he said, 'I'm sorry, baby.'

'It's fine,' you laughed, 'we'll make up for this later,' you smiled and pecked his cheek, 'but Dog will stay downstairs then.'

After you both had breakfast, you carried the box with Mister Meow Meow outside as Sihtric had dug a hole. You were kinda glad that your nosy neighbours weren't able to move back into their house yet after the fire, so you could bury your cat in private, without them lurking through the window.

'You okay, love?' Sihtric asked as you lowered the box into the ground, his hand on your shoulder.

'Yeah,' you sniffled and got up from your knees.

Sihtric wrapped his arm around you, and like last night, you both stared down at the box. But this time it was closed, and in the ground.

'Thank you for everything, Meow Meow, I will always love you. I'll never forget you,' you said softly, 'you've given me so much joy and love. You were one of a kind. You were my best friend in a way too. And,' you chuckled, wiping away a tear, 'because of you I met the love of my life,' you said and looked up at Sihtric.

Sihtric smiled sweetly at you and kissed your hair when you had said your last words to Mister Meow Meow.

'And here I thought Meow Meow would one day be the death of me,' Sihtric chuckled softly and then choked up.

'I promise,' you squeezed Sihtric's waist, 'Meow Meow did this on purpose, to mess with you one last time,' you chuckled, 'he knew you were competition.'

'Smart bastard he was,' Sihtric smiled, 'he really was competition. We both wanted your heart.'

'And you boys were too foolish to know you both already had it.'

'Oh, doll,' Sihtric sighed and kissed your lips with a soft hum. 'Listen, Meow Meow,' he said and looked at the box, 'I promise I'll look after her for you and take care of her.'

A few weeks had passed since your beloved Mister Meow Meow had been buried, and Sihtric had been subtly prying if you wanted a new cat. You said you did, but not a kitten, as cute as they were. You wanted to adopt one from a shelter some time soon, as your house was rather empty without Meow Meow in it. Sihtric had stayed over with Dog most of the time, but some nights required you both to sleep apart due to your jobs, and then Dog would not be around you either. During those nights you simply realised you really needed the company of a furry friend.

And Sihtric went to a shelter behind your back some time later. He knew you loved any cat, but you had a soft spot for big fluffy cats, and Sihtric couldn't believe his eyes when he spotted a rather young, white Norwegian Forest Cat waiting to be adopted. Apparently his owner had passed away in a tragic car accident about a month ago, and Sihtric felt it was destiny. It took a few days to arrange everything, and every day Sihtric went to the shelter, without telling you, to lowkey bond with the cat. Sihtric had also stolen one of your shirts and left it with the cat, so he'd get used to your smell already and would recognise you as his new owner, while Sihtric would sort of be his owner too, as he was the one to rescue him.

About a week later Sihtric finally got the call that he could pick up the cat. The shelter had given him a brand new collar and name tag, and Sihtric couldn't wait to surprise you. But first, he made a stop at a jewellery store.

'You better not let me down, buddy,' Sihtric said to your surprise cat as he tied a little handwritten note to its collar.

Sihtric got out of his car and carried the big box that held your new pet over to your door. He rang your doorbell and anxiously bit down on his lip, as he couldn't fidget with his rings.

'Sihtric,' you smiled, then saw the large box in his hand, 'are you finally officially moving in?' you laughed.

Sihtric's eyes grew big.

'You'd want me to move in?'

'Well… I mean… I- I wouldn't mind,' you felt your cheeks heat up, 'a-are you moving in?'

Sihtric's heart jumped out of his chest, and he shook his head to bring his attention back to the box in his hands.

'No, I mean… well, eh,' Sihtric sighed and tried to collect his thoughts, 'I have a gift for you,' he smiled.

You let him inside and wondered what on earth he was up to.

'Sit down, baby,' Sihtric said, barely able to contain his nerves as you did what he asked.

'Are you okay?'

'Fine,' Sihtric swallowed hard, 'look, so, eh… I mean… I guess it's… maybe a bit … fast. But- but if you really want me to move in-'

'I'd love that,' you smiled, 'maybe it's fast, but… everything just feels right with you. I just - I don't want to be without you anymore,' you said, and Sihtric blushed.

'I don't want to be without you anymore either,' Sihtric smiled, 'and then… eh, this… I guess this,' he looked at the box in his hands, 'this is… a… somewhat of a… moving in gift,' he chuckled.

He placed the box in front of your feet and told you to open it.

'Oh my god!' you yelled upon the sight of the adorable white cat, 'Sihtric!? What… what…' your eyes teared up right away, 'is… f…for me… mine?'

'He's yours, my love,' Sihtric said, and tried to keep his nerves in check. And he also desperately tried to not cry at your happiness.

'Oh my god!' you cried out again, 'what… when… ohh,' you cooed when the cat allowed you to pick him up with ease, and he licked your face. 'Oh my god, how cute are y- oh, what's this?' you frowned, and then read the note on his collar.

Hi, my name is Thor. I needed a new owner as I lost my previous one. I wish to keep my new mom company for as long as I live… and that handsome guy over there wishes to have my new mom's company for as long as he lives.

'Wha- I don't… Sihtric?'' you said, confused while being a crying mess.

And when you looked over at Sihtric, he got down on one knee as he held a box with a stunning ring in his slightly trembling hand up to you.

'My love,' Sihtric said, hoarsely, fighting his tears as well as a feeling of panic, and Dog ran up to him. 'You are just… everything I have ever dreamed of,' Sihtric continued, 'and every morning when I wake up without you, I am terrified that you truly were just a dream. So… I only wish to wake up next to you, every day, for the rest of my life,' he swallowed a sob and took your hand, 'baby, please,' he smiled as his tears fell down, 'will you marry me and dream with me every night, and wake up with me every morning?'

Sihtric stared at you with big, watery eyes. And he held his breath when you stared back at him, hugging your new cat while Sihtric held your hand.

'Y-yes,' you let out a sob, 'Sihtric, of course!'

Sihtric exhaled sharp with relief and almost passed out for a second, but then managed to slip the ring around your finger and he grabbed your face, kissing you all over as you both cried.

'I love you,' Sihtric whispered, almost desperately.

'I love you more,' you sniffled, 'I never want to fall asleep or wake up without you ever again.'

'Neither do I,' Sihtric smiled as he looked down into your eyes, 'but I love you more.'

And right as Sihtric taunted you, your new fur baby, Thor, let out a loud meow as he pushed himself in between you and Sihtric.

'Looks like you have competition again,' you sniffled and smiled.

'I'm willing to share you with them,' Sihtric chuckled as Dog started to interfere too, 'but not in the bedroom,' he said firmly as he looked at his new, put together family, 'in the bedroom, she's all mine, you guys got that?'

'Only at night, or when the door is closed,' you laughed.

'That is fair,' Sihtric agreed. He kissed your lips and then smiled cheekily, 'I kinda need you in the bedroom now,' Sihtric said, 'with the door closed.'

taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylas-the-grim @bubbles-for-all-of-us @andakth @bel-bottoms @willowbrookesblog @lady-targaryens-world @skyofficialxx @diosademuerte @elle4404 @alexagirlie @sweetxime @solango @gemini-mama @cheyennep3107 @little-diable @jennifer0305 @drwstarkeyy

#sihtric x reader #sihtric x you #sihtric kjartansson #the last kingdom #tlk #sihtric #sihtric fic #the last kingdom fic #modern!sihtric

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notmorbid · 5 months

Text

monstrilio.

dialogue prompts from monstrilio by gerardo sámano córdova.

you know how to love me the best.

i need to love someone who won't disintegrate.

why didn't you come back sooner?

extraordinary things happen everywhere, all the time.

maybe if i try hard enough, i can be everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

i know you think you're alone. that your grief is only your own.

you have no heart.

i need you to come back. i want you here.

god chooses who he cares for, and he didn't choose us.

god has too many rules, anyway. do you really want to follow so many rules?

i don't think we're ever too old for dancing.

i'll keep your secret for a week.

you have your anger, and i have mine.

i'm worried that i bore you.

i can't stay here by myself.

write yourself a new role.

i remember what loving you felt like.

i stopped missing you a while ago.

i was afraid of my loneliness.

i had two emotions: fear and anger.

it really doesn't matter if i love you or not.

what if love doesn't make you feel better?

i want to help you. like you helped me.

i would excel in a zombie apocalypse.

i hate talking to people i don't know.

just the person i wanted. it's like i summoned you.

maybe it's okay that we taste bitter to each other.

i thought this place was invincible.

let's get you some clothes.

i wanted tonight to be special.

if you love someone, you shouldn't want to change them.

it's good you're leaving. you're bigger than all of this. bigger than us.

i'll be okay? you promise?

how do you find these places?

even i am capable of getting over things.

thinking tires me out.

art has no answer, no right way to be.

what's more human than wanting to kiss someone?

isn't that what couples do, tell each other things? secrets?

why is it sometimes people don't do what they want to do?

you can tell me. i won't be mad.

i don't have the energy to be annoyed.

are you embarrassed of me?

how do you make sure people don't stop liking you?

i wish i smoked. i'd have something to do besides pace.

what is it you're so afraid to tell me?

it's hard to focus on one feeling.

i won't abandon you again.

when people don't understand you, you can say anything you want.

may i touch you?

there are no monsters in these shadows. only me.

the pills make me care less.

no more running away.

you don't have to worry anymore.

#rp meme #rp memes #sentence starters #ask memes #inbox memes #ask meme #rp prompts #horror meme #families

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a-s-levynn · 3 months

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I'm terrified to post this. So watch me sprinting away into the distance after dropping this.

Open love letter to -in extension to the wider ST community on tumblr, but especially- to the fellowship of Sleep because without you, life would be much more lonely

My Friends,

It was today when it finally dawned on me that you gave me the most undescribably precious gift. Many of you probably going to relate to this to some degree because i am not unique in any sense but i had to get this out. And by just the sheer lenght probably not many of you will read it. But i still need to put this out there, even if i'm being obnoxious and probably sound overdramatic and maybe even cringy.

I struggle with a lot of things. Anxiety, self doubt, depression, paranoia, self destructive tendencies, self isolation and the list goes on to even darker places. All in all i have a suboptimal mental state to put it lightly. I feel inadequate in many ways. Especially with connecting to people.

To this day, i struggle every day, seeing my friends, you, talk on a daily basis, have inside jokes and wonderful conversations and whatnot and either i like it or not, thoughts intrude: "am i doing enough? Am i a good enough of a friend? Do i really have a place among these wonderful bright souls? Am i intruding? Am i inserting myself into spaces i do not have any right to be? Am i forcing myself into your circles?"

For the longest time, on most days the conclusion was no. I do not belong. You were just being nice to the pathetic little creature in the corner because by nature you are simply kind. But as the weeks went by i learned that you are also awkward people with your own stuggles and hardships which are far harder and more painful than mine. That you are choosing to be kind every day, in spite of what life threw at you. Because you know.

I started to see you also crave a particular type of companionship and you reach out with the same trembling hands, hoping that someone sees it and grabs it. That someone finally says: you are not alone. I am here. For you. With you.

And you did. You've seen a bunch of hands fumbling in the dark, desperate to hold onto something and went: yeah.. i think i'll grab all of them. Because we are coming from the same darkness. And if i can help pull you into the light than you might have the strenght to do the same for me, so we can all sit in the warmth of the fire. The fire we built together. A fire that is growing ever brighter and allowes us to see even more hands on the edges to be pulled and invited into the circle.

So we have. For a while sitting almost silently, showing the things we found along the way. Tentatively feeling out the boundries. Than we broke the silence. You even started to call me your friend at some point. I already considered you mine because i'm painfully lonely and just the gesture, that you included me among the hands you grabbed was enough for me to see you mine. But all in all, for some unknowable reason, we became friends.

The weeks turned into months and i felt a bit more comfortable to approach you on my own clumsy and awkward ways. Many of you know by now that Tiny Token was born because i was too afraid to send a happy birthday ask to someone. I still apologize regularly just for adding thoughts to posts even if i only do it in tags. I am afraid. Of so many thing.

We still don't talk daily. Yet we still call each other friend. We have actual plans now. I still stuggle with the though of not being enough. There are still days when i feel you just feeling pity towards me.

But lately there is an other thought there. Which makes me feel bad for thinking that way. A thought that's never been there before. "If i was truly bothersome or annoying or any way too unpleasent, you could simply walk away. This is the internet after all. You could just block me. You have the option to walk away but you are time and time again choosing not to. No matter how many days pass by with us not talking, you are there. I can count on you. I'm still hesitant to reach out and dump my superficial adversities on you. But i also see you keeping the door ajar, leaving the option there to be approached if anyone needs it. So it would be not just a disservice but an outright insult to you if i'd think you are just acting out of pity. But if you like me than.. there has to be something about me to actually to be worth knowing?"

And that is doing something that ten years worth of failed therapy could not. You made me question my self doubt. It is still there and will be for the rest of my life. But now there is a steady counter balance i never had this solidly in my life ever before.

I'm still afraid to ask even if anyone would be up for a talk, let alone a call because i have little to offer in conversations. I don't talk much by default and that is not a good base for conversations. I'm still terrified of overstaying my welcome. But i also know now that you probably wouldn't mind from time to time. Because you understand. Maybe one day i will get there. I don't know when but there is a hope i never truly had before.

This is something i will never be able to repay you. Thank you for understanding that we all have different levels of anxiety and fear and not holding it against one and other. I'm writing this to you with immens love and eternal gratitude i cannot truly express in any way that does it justice: Thank you for showing me hope. Thank you for being the way you are.

You gave me the biggest gift there is to give.

You gave me your friendship.

I love you.

Yours in friendship,

Levynn

#i know this is long and probably will annoy some people on the dash but this one i refuse to hide under a cut #so i'm just posting this and inelegantly running away immediately in terror to check back hours later

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teamfortraven · 2 months

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Was originally going to post the lee and ler Vox headcanons simultaneously, but I don't wanna wait any longer since the lee ones are complete. I'll finish ler soon, just been busy.

Lee

You would catch this man dead before he ever admits that he’s ticklish, let alone enjoys it.

The primary way to discern if he’s in a lee mood or not is subtly sneaking the word into conversation and pretending nothing happened.

His reaction will say everything: on a normal day, he won’t bat an eye, but if you manage to catch him off guard, the reaction will be more than obvious if you’re paying attention. Jumping slightly, his screen and voice glitching for just a fraction of a second, and chuckling nervously… he’s putting all his resources towards keeping his cool, charismatic façade.

He’ll only become more and more restless the longer you tease him, waiting for you to strike, and, if it carries on long enough, wishing for it.

Desperation makes this man a spectacle. Maybe you’ll find him stretching around you way more often than usual, or he’ll call you into the observation room because he “accidentally” got his arms tangled in wires and now he’s stuck, and then yell through his flustered glitching when you ask why he doesn’t just use his electrokinesis to escape…

If you really want to get him going, brush an arm against his side as you pass by or elbow him in the ribs. He is almost guaranteed to blue screen right then and there, just for a few seconds, and then open-mouth gawk at you before recomposing himself and nervously straightening his bowtie.

It’s also important to note how all of his linguistic capabilities go down the drain after maybe a day or two of this.

“Heyyy, so uh, are you doing anything later? You should stop by the observation chamber, I need you to type… umm… type for me. Yeah- YES. Typing! Lots of typing! On a keyboard! Nothing else, that’s for sure! Later. Be there.”

“Can you help me adjust my coat? Specifically around the umm… waist… area. I tried to iron it but I fucked it up a bit, and uhh, it keeps making this weird crease- what? What do you mean you don’t see a crease? W-Well, it’s easier to feel it than anything! See where I’m pointing? Right there- oh. I mean… yeah, I guess I can just reach it myself if I can point that close to it- right. Right, okay, thanks.”

“Hmm? Oh, am I standing in your way? Well, I’m getting a very good signal from this specific spot. No, I can’t get this signal from anywhere else. If you want to get past me, that’s your problem, and I’m afraid you’ll just have to move me yourself. Wh- you’ll go the long way? Alright, well, good! Didn’t want you to move me! I like my signal! Go get your own, you freeloader!”

After a few days of this desperate act – if you choose to go this far, of course – he’ll only become more and more pitiful. There will reach a point where you literally feel so bad you just have to oblige.

He’ll be shocked, of course, and act as though he is outraged. A mere sinner, touching him?! Blasphemous! He won��t be having it!

It’s clear his attempts to “fight back” have almost no effort put in, and if you choose to call him out on it he will struggle just a little bit harder to try distracting you from the fact that he’s very clearly blushing.

And if you choose to call him out on the fact that he’s blushing, he’ll argue tooth and claw that Vox, the great TV demon, one of the supreme Overlords of Hell, does NOT blush, as his screen glows a bright cyan and he stutters over words that his processors seem to just barely kick out.

Once you make it clear after you begin the attack that you’re going to wreck him, he will make it easier for you and “accidentally” fall backwards onto the floor, allowing himself to be pinned down and tickled until he cries.

And you bet every single second that he’s going to pretend it’s the most agonizing experience ever, threatening you with everything in the nine circles he can think of…

If you want him to shut up, bring up the electrokinesis thing again and watch as he flusters himself by refusing to use it to get away purely out of spite, proving you right even more every second that he allows himself to be wrecked, knowing damn well he could get out of there immediately if he really wanted to.

The only reason he’ll actually use his electrokinesis is if you really manage to hurt his ego by teasing him… as soon as that electricity starts to spark up… run.

Death spot would definitely be his ribs. So much as quickly jabbing them will make him squeak at an unnatural pitch, quick to cover the area or grab the wrists of the attacker, sometimes both in that order. Spidering is gonna have this man screaming, gonna be thrashing around acting like it’s killing him.

Will lose his mind if you grab his waist and squeeze. Most sinners will be able to grab it with a single hand given what a toothpick he is, but for those with small hands, it’ll be even worse for him when two sets of fingers dig in on either side.

Can’t handle raspberries, seriously can’t. Right on his stomach?! How dare you! Pushing at your head half-heartedly, gripping his screen, trying to hide his face (in vain, really), squirming left and right to the point where you have to grip his sides and pin him, all while cursing you out and laughing so loud that any audio exiting his speakers peaks.

His laugh is loud in general, though, definitely borderline obnoxious, and as time goes on he’ll slowly fade out of his fake laugh that he molded over time and into a much more desperate and frazzled one. Oh, and god forbid if he snorts. Going to be embarrassed and blushing up a storm, eyebrows furrowed angrily if you react in any way to it, struggling even more intensely if that’s even possible… if he wasn’t already cursing you out, he’ll certainly be doing it then.

Remember the first bullet point? That’s where probably the worst tease for him comes into play: “admit that you’re ticklish, and I’ll stop.” You’re going to be met with a barrage of “no, fuck you”s and “go fuck yourself”s through fits of laughter. And make sure you speed up when he refuses… if you somehow get him to admit it, just remember that once you’re done wrecking him, you need to run, because he’s going to spend the next hour forcing you to admit that he’s better than you, that he isn’t ticklish, and that you’re actually the only one between the two of you who’s ticklish at all, as well as any other teases he can think of.

King of gaslighting! No one close to him actually believes him, they just know from… experience… that it’s better to agree, lest the claws get them >:]

Tickle him for too long and he will blue screen. You’ll get very clear hints that it’s about to happen, though, such as long pauses and glitching, his screen flitting across several different channels, and pixel tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

However, there’s also, of course, the option to make him melt rather than bluescreen.

His antennas are way too sensitive for actual tickling, only responding to light touches – a feather no-doubt works best.

And the effect is immediate. He’ll question what you’re doing at first before shuddering, a smile curling onto his face, and he’ll even do the equivalent of purring if you listen for the hum of his fans.

Going to be giggling shamelessly, definitely flustered but too torn to bother hiding it… lighter tickles elsewhere will make him squirm a bit, but he always seems to squirm closer than farther away.

Eyebrows furrowed from embarrassment but a wide grin and no objections -- just this seven-foot-tall gangly capitalist nightmare becoming putty and leaning against you, giggling quietly and sighing loudly when it’s over.

When he finally collects himself, it's right back to his charismatic TV persona to accuse you of doing it just because you wanted him to do it back.

#so basically #typed these all up imagining what he's gonna do to get revenge...#i can be a ler but mostly in a lee way does that make any sense #tickles #sfw tickling community #hazbin hotel vox

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nicorobinmywife · 1 year

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One Piece boys dealing with an insecure partner

Summary: headcanons of how they would help you to deal with your insecurities. GN reader.

Character: Luffy, Zoro and Ace.

Luffy

your captain is so strong and determined and you've wondered if you really deserve him.

if he is going to become king of the pirates, he will need an equally strong partner to protect him.

when you saw the pirate empress boa hancock saving him, you couldn't hide your sadness.

" - hey y/n why are you so sad?" - he sits next to you.

"- I wish I could be strong like the pirate empress boa hancock so I could protect you, she's so powerful and beautiful, she deserves you more than me." - you cried, Luffy took off his hat and put it on your head, you were shocked, Nami was the only person he trusted his hat.

" - y/n, if I didn't think you were strong I wouldn't have asked you to join my crew, i know how hard you work to protect me, i'm so proud of you, now stop crying, you are prettier when you are smiling " - he wraps his arm around your body and hugs you.

Zoro

during a battle against marine soldiers, you were not at your best and were easily knocked down.

" - hahaha, what is a weak pirate like you is doing next to Roronoa Zoro, one of the strongest and most feared men in the world?", the soldier makes fun of you, but zoro cut him with his sword and saved you.

since that day you felt insecure and you started to avoid Zoro.

at first Zoro preferred to respect your space and leave you alone.

but of course he missed you and went to talk to you.

" - Did I do something that made you sad? why are you avoiding me?" - he sits beside you.

" - the problem isn't you, it's me, I'm tired of being weak, no matter how hard I train, I'll never be strong like you, you're the strongest man in the world, you don't have any flaws, I don't I understand why you waste your time with someone like me, you deserve someone better than me." - you sighed.

" - you are wrong, I do have my weaknesses, I also fight with my own demons every day, always trying to overcome myself in order to protect you, our captain and the others, I am also afraid of failing and disappointing everyone." - he puts his hand on your shoulder, you've never heard him talk that way, you've never seen zoro's vulnerable side.

" - I didn't know you felt that way Zoro." - He smiled and wiped a tear that was running down your cheek.

" - these are the moments where i look to you for strength, you taught me that being strong is not just about physical strength, you are strong in your own way y/n, don't let insecurities control you." - he hugs you, that's when you finally understood how important you are to him.

Ace

note: Ace and whitebeard didn't died in this headcanon.

whitebeard decided to throw a party to celebrate ace's successful rescue.

everyone was drinking and dancing, but ace missed you and decided to look for you.

" - hey what are you doing here alone?" - he laid his head on your lap.

" - it's nothing, you don't have to worry about me." - he knows you very well and always knew when you were lying.

"- you know you can trust me, y/n, tell me, what's bothering you?" - you broke down in tears.

"- I was so scared of losing you, you were only captured because I wasn't strong enough to protect you, if you had been executed I wouldn't have forgiven myself, I can't even look you in the eye and ask your forgiveness for being so useless." - when he heard that he quickly got up and pulled you into a hug.

" - never say something like that again, it wasn't your fault okay? being captured is a risk any pirate takes, Luffy himself told me that he couldn't rescue me without your help, I trust you with my life y/n and I'm very proud of you."

" - i love you so much Ace." - you kissed him.

after this conversation, expect a lot of compliments from him, ace will do anything to make you not feel insecure.

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itsmealaiah · 4 months

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Cold shoulder (2008 Bill x F reader)

tags/ warnings: suspicions of cheating

a/n: thank you so much for this request love you!! mwah 💋💋

angst to fluff

The darkness of the room envelops me like a warm blanket, and I can't help but feel a little self-conscious now that I'm alone with my thoughts. I sit up in bed, pulling the sheets with me as I go, and hug my knees to my chest. It's been hours since I've seen Bill or even heard from him, and my anger has slowly turned into a pit of despair in my stomach.

I let out a shaky breath, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes, and reach for my phone. There's no point in trying to sleep anymore, and I can't help but hope that maybe I'll get some sort of message from him. I don't know what I'd do if he really was cheating on me. I mean, I know we've only been together for a few months, but it still hurts.

I flip through my contacts list, debating whether or not to text any of my friends. Maybe one of them could talk some sense into me, or at least make me feel better. But then again, what's the point? They'd all just tell me to leave him or something stupid like that. No, I don't need any of them. I just want Bill.

With a sigh, I climb out of bed and pad over to the window, pulling back the curtains to gaze out at the darkened cityscape beyond. The neon lights of the buildings and streetlamps cast a surreal glow over the world below, making everything seem unreal and distant. It's almost as if I'm looking at a painting, or a movie set. This isn't my life, this isn't real. It can't be.

I hear the door click open behind me, and my heart leaps into my throat. "Bill?" I whisper, not daring to turn around. I feel him come up behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist, and he presses his lips to the nape of my neck. "I'm sorry," he murmurs, "I shouldn't have left you like that."

The warmth of his body and the softness of his lips send a shiver through me, and for a moment, I'm tempted to forget everything. But then I remember how he's been acting, and the anger and hurt rise up inside me once more. "Why didn't you just say that in the first place?" I snap, pulling away from him and spinning around to face him. "Why did you have to leave me here, all alone, thinking the worst?"

His eyes widen in surprise, and he takes a step back, his hands flying up in the air in a defensive gesture. "I didn't mean to make you think that!" he protests. "I was just busy, you know? We're on tour, and I've got a lot of things to do."

I roll my eyes, unable to contain my frustration. "Yeah, I know that. But you could have told me, you know? I'm not just some groupie you can ignore when you're done with me." I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. "Look, I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of wondering where you are and who you're with. Either you're going to make some time for me or…" I trail off, unable to finish the sentence.

Bill looks torn, his expression pained. "Or what?" he asks softly. "I know I haven't been the best boyfriend lately, but I love you, and I want to be with you. I just…" He sighs heavily, running a hand through his hair. "I just need to focus on this tour, okay? I'll make it up to you, I promise."

I want to believe him, I really do. But I can't help feeling like something's not quite right. "And how are you going to do that?" I ask, my voice small. "Because right now, it doesn't feel like you're really here with me."

He steps closer, taking my hands in his. His grip is firm, but gentle. "I know it doesn't feel like that, baby, but I am. I promise you, I am." He leans in, kissing my forehead. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. I love you, and I want to make things right between us."

I close my eyes, feeling the warmth of his touch and the sincerity in his words. A part of me wants to believe him, to trust him. But another part of me is still afraid. "Okay," I whisper, meeting his gaze. "Okay, let's give it a try."

He smiles, relief washing over his face. "Thank you, thank you so much." He pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around me. "I love you, you know that?" he whispers in my ear. "I'll make sure to make time for us, I promise. Just give me a chance to make things right."

As he holds me, I can feel the tension begin to ease from my shoulders. Maybe, just maybe, I can trust him. I can feel the exhaustion from the past few days finally catching up to me, and I know that I need to sleep. "Okay," I say, yawning. "But no more sneaking out like that, okay?"

He chuckles, nuzzling his face into my neck. "No more sneaking out. I promise." His breath is warm against my skin, and for a moment, everything feels alright. "Now come on, let's get some sleep."

I nod, leaning into him. "Okay," I murmur, closing my eyes. As I drift off to sleep, I can feel the weight of the past few days beginning to lift. I hope that tomorrow will be better. I hope that I can trust him. And I hope that we can find a way to make this work.

a/n: requests open!

#bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz x reader #bill kaulitz fanfic #tokio hotel x you #tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel #itsmealaiah

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cassiaslair · 3 months

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from i prevail's album, trauma ( 2019 ). slightly modified to fit dialogue prompts. if it's in parentheses, feel free to omit it.

bow down.

get on your knees & bow down.

i come alive, i'll survive, take on anything.

so paint a target on my back, let 'em come to me.

i'm on another level that you'll never reach.

if you seek forgiveness, you'll get nothing from me.

you will never know, it's the price i pay.

look into my eyes, we are not the same.

i'm in control, & you'll know my name.

i gave my life, gave it everything.

the best of your best ain't good enough.

keep running your mouth, & i'ma call your bluff.

so... i had this dream, it meant everything, & i watched it come alive.

i let you in, underneath my skin, & i learned to love the lies.

now i lay awake & i contemplate... have i become what i hate?

would you go to war? would you die for it?

paranoid.

something isn't right, i feel it in my bones.

every time i look around, it follows me home.

i get so stressed out when my head gets loud.

all this emptiness inside, i can't fill the void in my mind.

sometimes i just wanna die (wish that i could tell you why).

is it all inside my head?

i just can't escape the noise.

i think i'm paranoid.

every time you leave.

all i ever wanted was to find someone.

holding it together is the hardest part.

every time you leave, i lose a little piece of me.

every time we speak, words don't do it justice.

it's just us from here.

finishing the puzzle is the hardest part.

everyday wishin' you could stay, 'cause our minds may change, but our hearts remain.

i can't believe you gotta go away again.

if you ever start to hesitate & you feel the weight, it starts to break.

we're not the same; know that this means everything to me.

no one said life gets in the way.

rise above it.

i've been patiently waiting, tying my stomach in knots.

i've been lost in the moment, going to war with my thoughts.

if you're feeling the pressure, the pressure's all that i got.

so if you think you're ready, i'm here to tell you you're not.

you're in over your head.

i'll be damned if i ever let you get me again.

i will stop at nothing 'cause i was made to rise above it.

one of these days, everyone will know (but for now i stand alone).

i count my enemies like trophies.

i've got nothing left to prove.

when i look at you, all i see are trophies.

i'm not afraid to put it all on the line (like it runs in my veins).

you cannot stop me, so don't even try.

breaking down.

i think... i think too much.

i'm a little bit paranoid.

i think i'm breaking (down).

maybe it's in my blood.

hate every single second, minute, hour, every day.

everybody's out to get you.

every time they ask me, i just tell 'em that i'm fine.

i try to hide my demons, but they only multiply.

everybody fucking hates you.

i say i'm feeling hopeless, but no one's listening.

i don't really like myself.

DOA.

on our knees, we pray as we waste away.

we dig our grave, dead on arrival.

i close my eyes & contemplate on why i chose to be great.

i find myself trying to escape from where i'm supposed to be safe.

maybe i should pray like i'm supposed to be saved.

sometimes i feel like getting even, but i choose to behave.

i'm mentally locked in a prison (& i need bail).

i wish i was more flourished. i wish i had more courage.

i wonder if it's all worth it (i wonder...).

dead is the land of the free.

am i not worth saving?

gasoline.

let's burn it fucking down.

back from the dead to tell you that i'm alive.

killed the old way (but i survived).

fuck the blueprint.

death or exile, you decide.

tell 'em all that i made my name.

now it's mine to send up in flames.

this right here is as far as you go.

this right here is where i lose control.

burn it all down, i don't give a fuck.

fuck what they say, fuck everything.

kill it all (kill everything).

nothing but red inside when i close my eyes.

break or bow down, you decide.

tell 'em all that you can't be saved.

tell 'em all that you dug this grave.

learn to live in this mess you made.

hurricane.

tell me i was never good enough.

remind me of the demons that i've been running from.

tell me who the hell you thought i was.

just blame it on the person, the person i've become.

lately, i don't give a fuck.

i can't be myself when i'm with anyone.

(&) maybe, i'm already gone.

i'll never be the same.

it hit me like a hurricane.

i don't know why i drown my mind (in everything they say).

it got the best of me.

tell me that i'm lost inside my mind.

i reach out, but it's pulling me under.

remind me i've been searching for something i won't find.

tell me i was never worth the time.

just blame it on the person you think i left behind.

look into my eyes.

believe me that the storm is coming.

let me be sad.

i'm holding back right now.

('cause) i'm numb to what's around.

i miss the life i used to have (with you right here).

now everything is turning grey.

i'm blacking out the shades for now.

let me be sad.

let me be sad, even for a little while. just a chance to catch my breath.

let me be sad, even for a little while, 'cause it's all that i have left.

can you see it in my eyes, i've been distant?

i can't tell if it's the end or the beginning.

i know i haven't been myself, i'll admit it.

i put up walls so if i burned any bridges, just know i'm doing everything i can to try & fix it (but knowing me i'll probably miss it).

these voices get so vicious.

feels like i'm ripping stitches.

i wish some days i could go back (before life changed, it was so fast).

that time is gone, & i know that (so please, let me be sad).

when all i see are memories, i don't wanna lose a thing.

low.

i'm so damn low.

i can't lie, i'm falling (the floor gave out again).

the walls are caving in.

i've got these voices in my head.

i don't know why i'm broken.

my world is sinking in.

they tell me that i'm not enough.

is it my time?

even when i'm high, i still feel low.

voices in my head won't leave me alone.

i keep falling.

i'm in over my head again.

i'm on my own, i know it.

i think i'm too far gone to save.

i can't let go. i'm holding, i feel it slip away.

the more they say, the more they cut.

i'm hanging by a thread (don't know if i let go).

i'm doing everything i can to fix the problem.

this is how it feels when you hit rock bottom.

deadweight.

i'm cutting out the deadweight.

let me take a second to get this through to you.

it's time you get put in the rearview.

cut ties, there's nothing left to your lies, i'm seeing right through.

let me lay it out so it's clear for you to see.

i'm done with the ones that don't believe.

i'm cutting out the ones who drag me down.

all this negativity weighing down on me.

admit it's so pathetic to think i'd carry you.

i'd rather watch all the lows you sink to.

now i can see what you're really all about.

turn your back & run your mouth.

i laugh at all the time you wasted.

you're bitter, i can fucking taste it.

so if you think that you can drag me down, it's gonna come back around.

keep it up, motherfucker (i'll cut you out).

i don't belong here.

'cause i don't belong here.

those days, it was all i wanted.

nowadays, it feels all the same.

used to stare at my bedroom ceiling wishing everything would change.

now it's hard when you're always searching for the life that you left behind.

time disappears, year after year.

how the hell did i get here?

i feel so far away.

minutes turn to hours & the hours into days.

i gave up everything.

you don't know what you got until you throw it all away.

looking back on the past, all the time i wasted...

i'm running from everyone that tells me that i'm fading out.

must be mistaken 'cause i don't feel anything.

you know i got this brain, it drives me insane.

some days i feel i can't take the pain.

i can't explain it 'cause i don't need anything.

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athene-owl · 4 months

Text

Dream Video Followup

OK, I know I said I was done but, after a sleep and some more thinking about the video, there are a few things I really want to add before I can never talk about this guy or his fanbase ever again.

This is the one thing I'm kicking myself for not pointing out - the Pastebin stuff. So, in the description, Dream has 3 links to Pastebin posts. The first is a statement allegedly from Jamie, the second is a statement allegedly from an anonymous person in one of the burner account screenshots, and the third is for some reason a statement by an employee behind the whole Dream USB armband thing????

OK so I'm gonna go into the third statement first before getting into the other 2 more serious posts - this statement about the baby photo discourse is quite literally a short statement from a random employee of Dream's merch company saying he doesn't believe the allegations because he doesn't think there's enough facts. He doesn't even mention the baby photos which I don't think people even really cared about. I have no idea why this of all things was included but also cannot take any stock in this because this guy 1. Would have no insight into Dream's private behavior and 2. Would financially be VERY inclined to back up Dream. While researching for this I found out there's rumors of Dream's company being unethical or something? I am not getting into that can of worms my god. Here, I'll put the entire quote below to show you how ridiculous this is, yes this is the entire thing.

As for the other 2 statements, I'm just gonna say this - as far as I can tell, there is no evidence these statements are legit. In the prelude to the 'Jamie' statement, Dream tries to address this and explains that 'Jamie' wants privacy and how in private he can verify their identity. If you wanna give him the benefit of the doubt, this makes sense to me personally given my current knowledge on the situation. BUT I won't say I'm inclined the do so esp given his history and the stakes of the situation. It'll be enough for stans and will probs make him look respectful and noble for 'protecting' her but it just flat out is not convincing evidence to me. This statement is not the slam dunk people are treating it as, if it is genuine then I am sorry for Jamie for being dragged into all of this and that's all I'll say. This is speculative but I need to mention it - even if this is Jamie, this is not 100% conclusive. If she's afraid of public backlash, if she's afraid of Dream, if she never wanted this revealed, then I think she would understandably just want to say nothing happened and for people to leave her alone. We don't have a clear way of knowing. Given how much Dream bemoans fake evidence in his video, given how much he lambasts people for not fact-checking, this is a huge issue with his evidence and I am not convinced by this personally. This is also all true for the second statement from the anonymous Discord user too.

A lot of the things Dream seemingly proves don't actually matter. With the photo at the police station, Dream got his team of lawyers to use this single photo to find out the exact station so they could contact them. They seemingly succeeded at this and found absolutely no records of Dream being reported for anything. I get the feeling this is the piece of evidence Dream is proudest of and that is impressing a lot of people. Doesn't it look really convincing and impressive that Dream's lawyers went through all this trouble, sent emails, made calls - all to find no report against him? It is impressive, but it doesn't prove as much as people are acting like it does. If anything, the photo being connected to a real station proves that Amanda did at least go to the police, since this wasn't a stock photo or anything. And while I'm no legal expert and am happy for someone to correct me, you absolutely can go to the police, talk to them about something, but choose not to report it. I don't think its impossible that Amanda went to a police station, consulted them on the situation without dropping names or wanting to file a report, and then left. This evidence proves no one has reported Dream and his records are clear NOT that he did nothing. He offers 2 answers - 1. That she was lying about intending to report him which he then leads into 'why wouldn't she be lying about everything' (lots of issues with this reasoning but whatever) and 2. She told the police her story but it didn't meet the standard of proof AKA it wasn't even seen as worth filing a report on by the police. But there's a third option - she backed out due to one of the countless reasons these crimes go unreported. I'm seeing so many people treat this as conclusive evidence, proudly supporting the idea that a woman not reporting her abuse makes her a liar. As if its unreasonable for a woman to plan to report, go to the police, but then change her mind. Really disgusting ideas are being spread and popularized by this video and men online are eating it up.

He also tells Amanda to check her mailbox - he has identified her, found her address and sent something to her, I'm guessing some sort of legal notice. This makes me incredibly uneasy. All I'll say is this - if I was groomed by someone like Dream, with his resources and stans and success, I wouldn't report it.

Small thing but at 1:14:35 he mentions how people thought he admitted to the moaning audio being him because he called it "essentially unsubstantiated "revenge porn"" - people thought him calling it 'revenge porn' was him admitting to it being real while he insists he meant it was fake but being passed around like it was him. And I just need to say that he really should've just flat out denied it was him, just say 'that audio is not me' and this whole confusion could've been avoided.

At 1:17:42, when Dream is discussing 'false allegations' he specifically mentions that it is a current 'trend' in the Minecraft community but assures the audience it will grow and spread to other communities. Really hate how that's gonna be cited as proof of victims being fake from now on, I really must ask why Dream had to speak beyond his own situation and make wider claims about this shit because I am fucking fed up. I need random internet men to STOP positioning themselves as experts of complex issues of rape culture right now. I also have seen a lot of big Youtuber men take Dream's side in this and support this message and yeah this will make things moving forward a fucking nightmare. I want people to at least consider how hypothetical hidden abusers in an online community would react to Dream's insistence on 'false allegations' being a popular trend OK? Again, women are statistically far, far, far more likely to face sexual violence from men then men are to EVER be falsely accused so please keep this in mind and do not let your guard down because I guarantee this will have wide reaching consequences!!!! Remember how many celebrity men started suing their abuse victims after what that shithead did to Amber Heard? Yeah.

I never watched the DSMP, Dream's content, any of his Minecraft friends' content, nothing, so I have no context for the bits where he talks about those topics. I've seen people saying there's a ton to that whole side of things, a lot of complex and interpersonal drama so I wanted to mention that he does briefly talk about it if you're interested.

Even from an outside, casual perspective as someone who doesn't follow the Dream stuff closely, my friends and I know of some controversies he didn't mention and I just wanted to point that out. I'm not even saying these things are true/damning for Dream BUT these are all well-known things that he really should've addressed in a video that took over a year to make (this is not a comprehensive list, I'm sure there's more because this man is in drama every week). And before you say that he wanted to focus on the 'serious stuff' - he decided to address the speedrunning stuff, an AI video of him sucking his own dick, 10 minutes on Nick Cantu, and interviews with both his mother and an Uber driver he met once where they both wholesomely recount how funny and honorable Dream is. Anyway, here are the points:

His whole image/persona was taken from Cryaotic, a sexual predator

Him apparently supporting Trump

The drama he had with his SMP - he does briefly mention the QSMP thing but even I know there was a lot more to say on this

People in the DSMP being bigots, Dream was in charge of the whole thing and should've explained why he allowed this

Dream making sexual jokes and comments about underage friends of his (there's a whole Youtube compilation of this and it's weird as fuck)

The whole Pride month donation debacle

Dream's own bigotry towards various marginalized groups

His fans mass doxxing of multiple people - the most infamous being of Twitter user @/faerieluv, a black person who had a welfare check called on them by Dream stans for criticising him? Where they live, 'welfare checks' had resulted in black people being murdered by police before, their ADHD medication was questioned - their life was in danger due to his stans and as far as I can tell Dream has never acknowledged this. Unfortunately, it seems they have left Twitter but I don't have an account so its hard to verify. Also, I previously said they were a woman but that's not clear now so I apologize.

#anyways I will not stop believing victims and I never want to think about this man or his stans again!#and I am deeply concerned for the ramifications this will have on victims moving forward and I want random internet men to shut up!#dream #dream situation #dream stans #dreamwastaken

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