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#and I am going to rant in the tags here because this is my own private fear and I don't want to spread negativity
luckyspit · 10 days
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taking a mini hiatus.
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tavtime · 4 months
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headcanoning monogamous characters as polyamorous is free, fun, and easy to do! additionally, it is always both cool and sexy 😎
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crispysnake · 1 year
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aquitainequeen · 1 year
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...that being said...
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flhoarder · 10 months
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Therapy might help…? Either way, hope you feel better soon. *hugs*
Hey thanks for actually reading that word salad!??!
It probably would if stars align, I’ve heard really good things from people. I have tried myself but never turned out too effective. I think my issue is I couldn’t will myself to tell a real person about these things. It’s stupid, but that’s a whole issue on its own.
It was a damned miracle that I got diagnosed for my other thing but psychiatrists are different. Nowadays I just walk in and go “hi doc, the usual” and out of the door in 30 seconds. With therapy, well, you gotta actually talk. That’s a hell of a mental block to get through.
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byakuyasdarling · 9 months
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#vent in tags#(because it’s less embarassing here)#I don’t want to get into every grimly detail#anyway so tired of the parent I live with calling#me a bad person most days — or lazy or selfish or inattentive#I’m so tired of hearing them say I have no charisma and am socially incompetent#and that I’m not quiet and when I say o don’t talk nearly as much or as loud as they do they say I’m gaslighting#I’m literslly always called a gaslighter.#I dint understand what I did or what’s so hard to understand about me#I know it’s difficult being them but they’re such a hypocrite s;l the time#like 2 days ago when they said for me to internalise my thoughts and I barely even speak to them anymore#and they go on ranting about my estranged parent constantly unprompted to me and my brother and calling them VERY derogatory terms#we do not need the fact one of our parent’s left us constantly rubbed in our face! my family members (other) said they should internalise it#so I know I’m not crazy and they’re being a hypocrite.#but I feel I’m victimising myself to create cognitive dissonance and I am bad and lazy#and that I’m using trauma and my terrible anxiety (which I’ve been trying to improve on) as a shield to those facts#I feel crazy I feel I’m the wrong who’s wrong#I think 2 different things — that they’re actually in the wrong but I could be trapped in my own head#I don’t know I don’t know why I’m blamed for every misfortune#I can’t stand Io for myself because as soon as I talk I’m told to shut up. say I’m wrong. and do what I’m told.#I hate this I hate having a parent who doesn’t want me much and the other who calls me a burden#they used to be really good parents I don’t even know ‘maybe they are and I want to displace blame#I’m so confused#I don’t want to live as anyone else though because losing any of my abilities terrifies me. because I know internally I’m still capable#vent tw#tw vent#tw parental issues#tw negative
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castielsprostate · 1 year
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words are confusing me and im gonna be sad in tags
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surreal-duck · 1 year
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letting me live alone was a bad idea i think
#duck rants about something#i mean its not like i particularly mind most of the time. sure chores are a hassle and i am the Worst at keeping myself alive but#im getting better! probably#<- they forgot to eat dinner#putting this on here because like hell am i risking my sister see this#strangely enough i was fine at first at having to move here by myself for school#sure i did miss my family but i could call them anytime and stuff so i wasnt too affected on that end at the time#but wow after like nearly a year of this. i really do miss them#i miss my parents' food. i want to watch cartoons with my little siblings again. i want to throw hands with my sister#ive tried to make my room feel more like home bit by bit and ig it works most of the time#dunno something a little depressing about coming home to a mostly empty room void of other humans to interact with#as embarrassing as it is to admit. im really looking forward to seeing them again in december#i dont really like the town my family's moved to but honestly. ill stomach it if it means ill get to see them again#damn i am just going through a whole range of emotions today arent i#does anyone read these. i hope not is there anything more pathetic than venting in the tags of a tumblr post whwjskdgkjksdgh#my mental health has been on the decline for a while now. was very aware of that but Wow this year was absolutely horrific#i wonder if ive ever really put myself or the things i wanted first without having to be overly considerate of everyone else#so being thrown into a situation to fend for myself and only myself was. kind of jarring#i Know i have a problem w opening up i Know that i tend to make sure others are feeling better and disregard my own feelings in the process#and i have so much trouble asking for help that i end up bottling everything up and reaping the consequences of my actions#damn it.#wheres that post about never trusting your thoughts past 9 pm (it is 8 pm)
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ratcandy · 2 years
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Would it be mean of me to drop the part of my old Zote Analysis Rant where I argue at great lengths why he isn’t a vessel
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crown-ov-horns · 1 month
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Ch. 2 of And the Sea became Blood will probably take it's time, I mean, more scenes than not are still pretty much skeletons.
But, we must appreciate a supportive brother. ❤ Especially after she called him Dr. Phil.
Also, I'm seriously thinking about Charlize Theron as Lucifer's faceclaim.
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They'd look great together, no?
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#warrior nun#warrior nun fanfiction#ava silva#sister lilith#lilith villaumbrosia#diary pages#writing journal#warrior nun fic#warrior nun fandom#wn fandom#warrior nun thoughts#warrior nun biblical au#and the sea became blood#lilith x lucifer#when I said I wouldn't tolerate the lucifer and lilith dynamic being torn apart I didn't mean I mind them both being women#seriously charlize just has that vibe#adriel always ends up having a supermodel for a mother#tbh here he has two mothers though lilith is his stepmom#i have no idea who titus or raphael's faceclaims would be or many of the others'#i always end up putting on so many tags because idk filing system also half of them get eaten for some reason#how am I supposed to navigate my own hoard of a blog when I need to find some obscure rant#writers on tumblr#writer problems#seriously this chapter isn't short i already crossed to 11 pages and only two scenes are fully fleshed out#i struggled with that interview for a while then also decided adriel and his followers have to discuss it#tbh showing his cardinals more is important because of what's planned next#most of this chapter is just... Ava and Adriel crossing paths randomly because what else am I supposed to do for buildup#they aren't going to meet in some diplomatic dinner#unless... tbh some serious event scene would be insanely great BUT later in the story when there's more estabilished tension between them#right now a moment of being civil over a drink will do ( why not Ava's just avoiding Heaven time and they're both stalking one another)
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gamers it's so joever (<- has a tummy ache)
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Good Saturday, y’all.
Topic of today’s rant: PEOPLE PRINTING AND SELLING FANFIC & GENERAL FANDOM ETIQUETTE
Profiting from fanfic will ruin it for everyone.
I want all of you who gift us your stories to be safe from lawsuits and beware that your content might be stolen.
Not to be on a soapbox and preaching to the choir but here are.
There are many authors pulling their work off AO3 because people acting on bad faith are printing and binding fics to sell on etsy thus infringing copyright laws. Fanfic has always been a grey area and we are allowed to exist in this grey area because we are not profiting from it. The minute money is exchanged, every party involved is breaking the law.
Why am I complaining about this yet again? Because we might be deprived from enjoying fanfic with the freedom we currently have because the fanfic authors will fear getting sued. If third parties are stealing our work and selling it, publishers and studios won’t care to know who sold it. It is your handle (thus IP address) on the sold fanfic. Because, get this, they are doing downloads straight from ao3 with your usernames.
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Manacled is being pulled from ao3 because the author will publish it as a book. People are putting the book at risk by selling printed versions of it on Etsy.
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I believe many of us who fall on the 20 years of reading fanfic side rather than on the 20 year olds reading fanfic will remember the Anne Rice days. These are not fully over because her son is carrying on the legacy of suing everyone who writes fanfic of her work. And if I may say, she didn’t invent vampires and should’ve taken many seats. I digress.
I am not sure of the levels of awareness within this community and to what extent it can affect all of us. TikTok is a massive contributor to this problem (as it is to many other problems. Again, I digress) since booktok and the binding folks discovered ao3.
You might think, I only post on tumblr so my content is safe. Well, they are finding their way here too. They cringe because tumblr is for old people but they still make their way here with their bad manners and pillaging behaviour.
I want all of you who gift your stories to be safe, lawsuit free, not lose your content and not be afraid of sharing.
I wish I had a definitive solution to this problem but I can only think of small actions:
report the etsy accounts selling fanfic/fanfic commissions,
report the TikTok accounts selling binding for fanfic work,
go back to the days of putting disclaimers on your notes that you don’t own the characters and you are not profiting from the story.
Tagging some authors* here for visibility so you can cascade to more people. Absolutely no pressure tag.
@theywhowriteandknowthings @tightjeansjavi @diversemediums @goodwithcheese @nerdieforpedro @fhatbhabie @undercoverpena @thelightsandtheroses @ezrasbirdie @notjustjavierpena @javierpena-inatacvest @freshlyrage @5oh5 @wardenparker @endlessthxxghts @creedslove @sp00kymulderr @secretelephanttattoo @gnpwdrnwhiskey @whatsnewalycat @pedrostylez @thetriumphantpanda @toointojoelmiller @dancingtotuyo @agentjackdaniels @ladamedusoif @lotrefcp @wildemaven @musings-of-a-rose @justagalwhowrites @morallyinept @pedropascalsx @criticallyacclaimedstranger @pennyserenade @kteague @astoryisaloveaffair @moralesispunk @linzels-blog @metalnecklace
*I can remove the tag if you are not comfortable with being associated with this post.
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larluce · 1 month
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Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU
Tagging @aceauthorcatqueen , @fallenxjas , @smileytrinity ,@lucifertookmyshoe , @an-entity-i-think , @thecornerofbelu , @griffonskies , @odinjm , @cinnabon-sweetroll-tiramisu , @thelady-mary , @bennedict , @nightninjaboy , @st8-of-grace , @star-rie , @error-username-not-available , @dogberryrowan , @jamieweasley13 , @tansyuduri , @tercais , @robynnemrys I already had this part made, I may as well publish it ;)
LINKS TO THE OTHER PARTS OF THIS AU HERE: PART 1 , PART 2 , PART 3 , PART 4 , PART 5 , PART 6 , PART 7 , PART 8 , PART 9 , PART 10 , PART 11 , PART 12 , PART 13 (You're here) , PART 14
Arthur and Merlin first fight and a bit more of jealous Arthur
In Arthur's chambers.
Merlin: I'm telling you! He had nothing to do with Nimueh. He's innocent! It was all just a big misunderstanding!
Arthur: (not looking up from his papers) I heard you.
Merlin: Then why is Lancelot still in the dungeons?
Arthur: He could be dangerous.
Merlin: What are you talking about? He tried to help me! He saved my life!
Arthur: (finally looking up from his papers and standing up in anger) No, you put yourself in unnecessary danger again! After I told you not go alone, you did! Do you have any idea what could have happened to you? What's your obssession with confronting monsters and evil sorcerers all on your own?! You're no knight, no soldier. How can you be so ridiculously reckless?!
Merlin: (in realisation, indredulous) You're keeping Lancelot in the dungeons just because you're mad at me?
Arthur: (shouts) Yes! (thinking) Among other things (says) Maybe that way you'll learn your acts have consecuences.
Merlin: You can't do that!
Arthur: I'm the prince, so yes I can!
Merlin: (shouts, mad) You childish, spoiled, arrogant brat!
Arthur: Insult all you want. Lancelot is staying there. End of discussion.
Merlin: (pauses, disappointed) Then you're not the prince I thought you were (leaves).
Arthur: (affected by his words, makes a move to go to him, but stops himself, remaining furious) Childish he says. I'm mentally forty years old! I'm not childish! (sees a chair nearby and kicks it)
Time skip. Merlin venting to Gwen.
Merlin: That's what he told me! He's taking it out on Lancelot just to get to me! Can you believe it?!
Gwen: (sarcastic) On the man he found you with in his arms and alone in the woods? What a surprise.
Merlin: (doesn't notice the sarcasm and keeps on his rant) Oh, but let's see what he thinks when all his clothes are ripped and all his food ends up smashed on his face!
Gwen: Now you're being childish.
Merlin: Then what am I supposed to do? He's refusing to let Lancelot free no matter what I say!
Gwen: That's because you haven't tried everything.
Merlin: I did try everything!
Gwen: Really? Have you tried 'sweet persuasion'?
Merlin: ... What? 🤨
Gwen: Sweet persuasion 💁‍♀️. Is what we women do to get what we want and survive in a world ruled by men.
Merlin: But I'm a man.
Gwen: Doesn't mean you can't sweet persuade Arthur to get him to do what you want. 😏
Merlin: (unsure, but curious) What does it consist about?
Gwen: Well, first, you'd have to apologise and tell him that he's right for doing what he did.
Merlin: But he's not!
Gwen: You know that, I know that, but if we wait for him to realise that, Lancelot is going to stay in the dungeons till next solstice.
Merlin: (sighs) Okay, then what?
Gwen: Man love to be the center of attention, above all, they love to be their lov-people's hereos. Just play the defensless victim and act as he was your saviour. Praise him. And you'll have him at your feet.
Merlin: And then I'd ask him to free Lancelot?
Gwen: No, no, no. You shouldn't mention Lancelot all. You'd have to make this about Arthur and you alone.
Merlin: I don't know. That's sounds kind of humiliating.
Gwen: See? That's the problem with you men. You're too prideful to give in or recognise you're wrong, when actually success lies in knowing when to give in or better, letting the other believe he won.
Merlin: (still doubtful)...
Gwen: Just think about it (leaves).
Time skip. In the training grounds. Merlin goes to Arthur.
Arthur: (avoiding his eyes, still mad) Finally coming to do your chores?
Merlin: I wanted to speak with you.
Arthur: I'm not setting Lancelot free.
Merlin: It's not about that. I just wanted to say... that I'm sorry.
Arthur: (turns to him, surprised)... what?
Merlin: You're right. It was reckless and stupid of me to follow Nimueh by myself. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I just wanted to be more brave and strong... like you.
Arthur: (smiles smugly, flattered) You think I'm brave and strong?
Merlin: I've seen you fight (pats his arm). And you didn't hesitate to come after me, a servant. Nobody else would have cared. I'm so glad you did, Arthur. Fortunately, everything turned out alright, but what if it hadn't? If Nimueh had managed to kill me or do something worse to me? Or if nobody else had found me? (hugs himself, looking vulnerable) I was so scared.
Arthur: (puts a hand on Merlin's arm and begins to caress it with his thumb lovinly) Oh, Merlin. You don't have to be scared. I will always come for you. Always.
Merlin: (blushes a little, but keeps on his act) So you're not mad at me anymore? Will you forgive me? 🥺(puppy eyes)
Arthur: (smiles, touched) Only if you promise not to do it again.
Merlin: (celebrating inside, but disimulates) Of course! Thank you, Arthur. I know you'll always do what's right.
And shortly after Lancelot is set free.
Merlin: (in disbelief) I can't believe it worked.
Gwen: I told you. 😏
Merlin: Gwen, you're a genius! Where were this advice in my other life?
Gwen: What?
Merlin: Nothing. (cofs) Well, I'll see you later. I promised Lancelot I'll show him my room today.
Gwen: Why are you showing him your room?
Merlin: Oh, I invited him to sleep there since he doesn't have where to go.
Gwen: (scandalised) What?! 😨 Merlin, I don't think is a good idea to invite other man to sleep in your room.
Merlin: Why? He helped me and then spend days in the dungeons because of me. I think is the least I can do.
Gwen: I'm sure he's a nice person. (thinking) And a very handsome one. (says) I just don't think the prince is going to be okay with that.
Merlin: Why would he care who I bring to my room?
Gwen: Because he's...! very protective of you. And he is clearly not very fond of Lancelot.
Merlin: (skeptical) Right (rolls his eyes). I think I can handle one man and who I bring to my room is not his royal business (leaves).
Gwen: (puts a hand on her forehead, sighing) These two are going to be the death of me.
Time skip. In Merlin's room.
Merlin: (enters with Lancelot) Here. I know it's not much, but-
Lancelot: It's perfect (smiles, kindly) Thank you, Merlin. (looks at the lily near the bed) And that's a nice touch.
Merlin: Thank you! 😄 Arthur gave it to me 🥰
Lancelot: The prince?
Merlin: Yes.
Lancelot: Oh, you two are...
Merlin: (laughs) No, nothing like that. I told him there weren't many purple flowers and the prat just wanted to prove me wrong. It was a nice gesture though. (looks at the flower lovinly)
Lancelot: (thinking) Oh, gods, he doesn't know, does he? (says) Uh... Merlin? Does the prince know I'm staying here?
Merlin: Well, in fact-
Arthur: (suddenly enters) In fact, no. I didn't know. 😑
Merlin: (almost jumps out of his skin and smiles nervously) Arthur! What are you doing here? 😅
Arthur: You brought a stranger into your room?
Merlin: He's not a stranger, he's my friend.
Arthur: You just met him 3 days ago!
Merlin: (crosses his arms) Well, we got along quickly.
Arthur: I don't care if you're best friends now. He is not staying here.
Merlin: (raises his voice) You don't have a say in that! 😠
Arthur: (raises his voice too) I'm the prince!😠
Merlin: This is my room!😡
Arthur: This is my castle!😡
Lancelot: I'll just go. 😅
Arthur: Yeah, you better.😠
Merlin: No, you stay. 😠
Lancelot: (not knowing whether to stay or leave) Eh...
Merlin: See? Now you made him uncomfortable.
Arthur: Like he was going to be comfortable in this poky excuse of a room. There's barely space for one. Where was he going to sleep, uh? The floor?
Merlin: We were going to share the bed.
Arthur: WHAT?!!😨😤
Lancelot: (thinking) It's over. I'm dead. I need to prepare my will. "For the nice old man that show me the way to the citidel I want to...
Arthur: Over my dead body!😡
Merlin: Oh, come on. It's not so bad. If we snuggle together-
Arthur: NO!😡
Lancelot: (thinking) "...and for the lovily and kind maidservant, Guinevere, that brought me food while I was still in the dungeons, I know it's not much but I want her to have..."
Merlin: (remembering 'sweet persuasion') I get why you're worried, my lord. You only think in what's best for me and you don't know how much I appreciate it. But I also know you're a benevolent man who cares deeply for his people. You wouldn't leave a poor subject in need to fend for himself, would you? Please, let him stay.🥺(puppy eyes)
Arthur: (tries to resist the puppy eyes, but sighs) Fine. He can stay.
Merlin: Yay! Thank so much you, sire! 😊
Arthur: With one condition.
Merlin: Sure, anything!
Arthur: You'll move to the chambers next to mine.
Merlin: (in shock) ... what? 😧
Arthur: That way you can sleep more comfortably and Lancelot too. Problem solved.
Merlin: (Between happy, stunned and conflicted) It's really generous of you, sire. But... I like my room. And... I'm also Gaius apprentice. He needs me here. (thinking) And how am I suppossed to practice my magic If I sleep in the chambers right next to yours?
Arthur: The distance you walk to attend me and then help Gaius would be the same. As my personal manservant, you should have moved there from the start, anyways. So, what do you say?
Merlin: (trying to find a reason to deny but he's actually quite excited to have a new room) Does it have a bigger bed?
Arthur: (smirks) It has a bigger everything.
Merlin: (smiles brightly) I better start moving then, my lord. (Picks up the pot with the lily and leaves, happily).
Arthur: (looks where Merlin went with heart eyes and then turns to Lancelot with a serious face)
Lancelot: (awkward and nervous) Ahm... your generosity knows no boundaries, my lo-Ow! (exclaims when Arthur punches him in the face)
Arthur: I never said you'll stay here for free 😑. You can start by cleaning out the stables. (leaves)
Lancelot: (rubs his face and sighs) So much for being a knight.
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creamyavocadosoup · 2 months
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𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞
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a/n: lowercase intended! been in an anime binge lately and am currently watching horimiya. its great honestly, it makes me feel so mushy bc me when !! but also i can kinda relate. sorry this wasnt proofread! if there are any mistakes lmk ;-;
characters: rtte!hiccup x fem!reader
tags: kinda angsty, unrequited (?) pining, intimate touches and moment (nothing nsfw)
word count: 1.5k
if you missed it, here's part one: can i be her?
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the road to recovery was slow, and the mending of hiccup and i's relationship even slower. although i had forgiven him, there was an undeniable shift in how i acted towards him, whether it was intentional or not.
i had felt guilty about it, of course, but i couldn't force myself to go back to the way things were and pretend nothing had happened. even more so when i could tell that hiccup and the other riders picked up on it too.
after that incident however, something else had also changed. as subtle as it was (or tried to be), hiccup had begun doing things out of his own volition. small things like the soil in my garden being damp when i wake up, my medicine cabinets tidied and arranged how i liked it after a nap, or even my hut being spick and span, a still-hot plate of food awaiting me on my bedside table when i wake up.
it was strange to be on the receiving end of such actions. i had gotten used to helping the riders more than i had received it in return. so having hiccup do so much for me just because, induced emotions in me that i'm still quite unsure in how to handle.
today was spent patching up the riders after a grueling training session and a few accidents (mostly snotlout) and we make conversation as they tell me the new things they've discovered when they went adventuring a few days ago.
my huge cut had - thankfully - been steadily healing, the riders taking turns in making sure i wasn't doing tasks i wasn't supposed to. a few weeks since the incident and i could finally start walking around my hut with much, much caution.
taking this opportune moment of reprieve, i'm currently sat at my front porch, admiring the view of the sea and horizon off in the distance. i sipped quietly on my drink while wrapped in a blanket, the birds chirping and soft swaying of the trees my only company.
...that is until strong gusts of wind caused by a familiar midnight black dragon landed on my front yard, along with his ever-familiar rider in tow.
"[name]! i come bearing new entries to my journal, along with snacks of course."
right. ever since my injury, hiccup had made it some sort of tradition to come and talk to me about things he discovered while out on adventures or simply reading up and researching on subjects he thinks would interest me.
he reasoned it as him hoping i wouldn't feel too lonely even though the other riders visiting routinely (which i soon figured out was coordinated by hiccup thanks to a slip of the tongue from tuffnut) had given me plenty of company since then.
hiccup took his seat beside me on the porch swing, making himself comfortable. offering the other half of my blanket and he takes it with a smile, scooting closer to me.
initially, i seemingly wasn't quite receptive of this tradition he had started; lack of responses, barely any indication that i was interested in whatever he was talking about. but the dragon rider hadn't exactly let it affect him whatsoever. he continued coming regularly, and talking enough for the both of us.
"hiccup." i spoke, softly and quite mellow, but it had stopped his rant completely as he turned to look at me.
i raised my head to look back at him, my eyes slowly dragging over his features. sweat beaded faintly across his brows as he also searched my face of any indication of emotion. he gulped, the action quite apparent, "yes?"
"are you doing all this because you feel guilty?" i questioned, my voice devoid of any accusatory tone, yet it made him flinch slightly in his seat. "if you are, then you shouldn't be, because i already forgive you."
he pursed his lips and brows furrowed as he continued to keep his eyes on me, clearly displeased despite my words. i felt a warmth slowly settle on my hand, looking down to find his hand grabbing onto mine.
my heart beat quickened, a soft yet steady heat creeping up onto my cheeks. for a moment, it had felt like we were suspended in time, the universe letting us have this moment that we've needed.
"even if you have forgiven me," he paused, his body turning to me and gripping my hand tighter, "i can't." he whispered, a soft tremble in his voice as i watched his eyes gloss over.
"i'm sorry. i'm so sorry." he almost weeps, his voice crackly and tears turning his eyes glossy. "i shouldn't have talked to you like that. been so - so caught up in my emotion that i just had zero regard for how you were feeling to how i was saying it." his voice shakes slightly, and my heart crumpled at the emotion.
gently setting aside my drink, i reached to hold his hands with both of mine, softly rubbing my thumb along the natural contours of the back of it. my throat felt tight, that same burning feeling in my eyes coming back, but i steeled myself and my voice to be able to say what i needed to.
"hiccup.. i understand, i really do." my voice had felt so fragile, like glass, about to break if more pressure is applied to it. "in the time i've spent by myself these past few weeks, i've come to a certain understanding and acceptance to the situation. and it's okay," i squeezed his hands, "i'm okay."
he subtly shakes his head no, one of his hands breaking free from mine and drifting to my wounded abdomen, past the hem and underneath my shirt. hiccup was quiet but his touch spoke more than his words tried to convey. my breath hitched at the action as he continued with his ministrations, yet his expression more spaced-out. i'm not sure what it was exactly, but i could tell he was heavily contemplating something in his head.
despite the gauze barrier, i could feel the heat of him emanating through it. it allowed that familiar warmth to bloom in my chest once again, the same warmth that only he seems to be the cause of. it had felt entirely too intimate to consider it as something friends do which only raised so many more questions and confusion in my head.
this wasn't normal for friends, right? is this something he normally does with the others?
i gulped down the lump in my throat, the thought of him doing the same thing to a certain blonde-haired viking setting an uncomfortable feeling in my gut.
before i could voice out any of my thoughts however, my eyes widened and cheeks warmed considerably once i felt his touch travel to my cheek. it was soft, almost feather-like, and comforting. his eyes glowed beautifully, the orange sunset reflecting onto his green eyes, effectively enchanting me with how beautiful it looked.
he kept his eyes on me, seemingly waiting on a sign on how i felt about the current predicament. seeing no protests from me, he continued on, now essentially cupping my face with both of his hands, his piercing eyes never leaving my face, flitting between my eyes and lips.
"hiccup..."
"hiccup!" a familiar voice cut through the silence and the trees, dispelling the intimate moment in an instant. i hurriedly moved away from his clutches, picking up my forgotten drink, as hiccup nervously fixes his hair and clothes.
astrid appears on the path in front of my hut, lax features and usual demeanor indicating that she didn't see whatever just happened between hiccup and i. "there you are. figured you would be here." she spoke, walking closer towards my porch.
hiccup laughed, notably a little more breathless than when he normally is, yet astrid doesn't bat an eye or pick up on it. admittedly, i spaced out as she rambled on, the scene before still playing over and over in my head.
hiccup's soft touches was still practically branded onto my skin, with how i could still feel the heat of his touch despite him being on the other side of the seat we were on. his actions had only made me more confused, swirling thoughts trying to reason why he did what he did yet none of them made sense.
what was that? was he...
i shook away the thoughts as i come back to consciousness back in time. "[name], i hope you don't mind that i'll be taking this guy with me for a little bit. i need his help on a few things regarding training." she spoke.
i nodded, plastering a small smile on my face but i turn to look at hiccup, silently torn on wanting him to go or letting him leave. his gaze was on me, searching my face but perhaps my features weren't translating my desire well, because he turns to astrid and smiles, "we can go, we were just finishing up anyways."
my heart cracks just a tiny bit, that same feeling that i felt a few weeks ago leaking through the cracks of my resolve little by little. but i force the smile back on my face, standing up to bring my drink back inside, the atmosphere now leaving a bad taste in my mouth.
they gather their things and leave side-by-side, and i also turn and huddle back into my hut, missing the longing look hiccup held to my disappearing figure.
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DO NOT REPOST MY CONTENT ANYWHERE! i would love to hear any and all thoughts. mwah! have a great day!
quick access to my library.
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ghostflowerhotpotch · 9 months
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Let's Talk Peter B
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@iwasbored777 (Since you ask to be tagged)
Okay! I was on the fence about writing this post, but after doing this response and some encouragement, I decided that fuck it, let’s do this.
While I had seen multiple things about Gwen being a bad friend, a bad person, and other things I don’t want to say because I will start ranting- Peter B for the most part, has come out scotch free.
Don’t get me wrong, I had seen some people address his issues, but it has been a few posts in a sea of him with Mayday and people shipping with Miguel. Which hey, is okay with me, but when you see you a character you love be given the short end of the stick despite the circumstances yet another character that has much less to lose has their mistakes largely been ignored and basically be woobify.
Is not just Gwen, I had also seen people take beef with Jess as a mentor yet somehow leave Peter out of that conversation. Don’t get me wrong Jess is far from perfect (which is something I discussed before,) but again, Peter is far from perfect too.
Does this has to do with Peter being a beloved main character in the first movie? Yes. Does it also has to do with misogynoir and misogyny? Oh I don’t doubt it.
I don’t hate Peter B, far from it, I think he is a great adaptation of our spidey, and while I am not the biggest spiderman fan out there, I did grew up with Peter Parker in movies and cartoons so I do have love for this characters as well as his incarnation in Sony movies.
I will do my best to remain as unbiased and neutral as possible, but not gonna lie this entire thing is annoying me enough that I will say when I am aware of my own biases, as I always try to do.
But if you think liking a character stops me from calling them on their bullshit you are wrong.
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I know this post is more about how Peter is with Miles and his role as a mentor, but I decided to address some other things I had seen people talk about because there is a reason I choose "Let's talk Peter B Parker" as a title.
Believe it or not, I am fine with this. Seriously.
Peter wasn’t here when Miles arrived, and considering they did a small tour and got an empanada on the way, I think wouldn’t be odd to say he wasn’t around when Miles arrived. My theory is that he was taking care of his own stuff, and once he knew that Miles was around, went to get Mayday to present her to Miles.
I think that’s pretty normal all things consider, he loves Miles and wouldn’t had fixed things with MJ and had his daughter without her, of course he would want the two of to met.
The enthusiasm is all things consider pretty sweet, and while I don’t approve of some things he does (like giving her a web shooter while being just a few months old?) Is one of those things that are part of superhero writing that has the children technically doing things that they shouldn’t be doing for their age, so I just let it slide because if I get hung up every time I see something like this, it would not end.
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I’m the only one who is actually mad about this comment?
Yes, is a joke, I get that, and Peter is trying to take as much as steam off Miles by trying to frame him on the light that he messes up, but is just who he is.
It doesn’t make me any less annoyed.
For starters, I feel like I am rereading Percy Jackson again (No I will not explain that reference.) Because despite everyone more or less knowing what’s going on (Hobie said before he didn’t know what Miguel was hiding so how much he knows is unsure,) no one has attempted to explain the situation to Miles.
This is a trope I had seen enough (including WAY too many times in the books I mentioned,) and I really resent when characters act as if the protagonist or someone else is stupid just because they are unaware of something. ESPECIALLY if the characters saying so are aware they don’t know.
They are also letting him believe is a good thing he is in HQ, but that is actually not Peter’s fault. I am mad with Gwen on this one, but also Jessica, and Hobie well, he should have known enough to be able to tell him seeing Miguel is not good news. At least Hobie tries to warn him as subtly as possible.
Sure, Peter just got here, but the fact that he is already accusing Miles of just messing up with the universe carelessly is not something that doesn’t sit well with me. Either he knows that Miles doesn’t know and is making an insulting comment, or thinks Miles is aware of the situation and just acted recklessly. The second one is the best scenario, but I feel Peter is presuming way too much for someone that just came around and should have known better than believe Miles knew all of these details while Miguel basically has a giant banner of “Not Earth-1610 Anomalies allowed.”
Also, sidetrack but what exactly does Miles do that isn’t just your typical spidey behaviour? Yes he doesn’t always have full-formed plans before acting but you can say that about EVERYONE in the room at that moment.
“He wasn’t thinking, is not like he works!” My ass.
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Want my two cents about this moment? Peter has zero business telling this to Miles.
When Miles asks Gwen about her dad, she is crestfallen, she doesn’t like to believe this more than he does; but unlike anyone else in this room, Gwen cannot return to her home dimension. The best case scenario is if she isn’t there, her dad may not die; but that’s the best case scenario, and that involves again, not stepping again in her home dimension ever again. Her best bet is never to see her home, or anyone she knows including her dad, because not only she may end up in prison, her presence may lead to the death of her dad.
And who knows, it may happen regardless; he may be dead already because he is a police officer and she couldn’t be there to give a hand or save him (As she said she did in Into the Spider-verse, by the way.)
Yet at least, she is coming to this with the idea that her life is going to have to SUCK for a few years, things happening or not happening depending on where she is but none of this is pretty or fair.
Peter? As far as we know, he is done.
Considering the age range of the Spidey-characters, chances are Peter already lived the canon events he needed to live, at best they don’t know what’s next, which means he can operate as he feels is the best course of action.
Miles asked him if he would have let his uncle die, but Peter lost his uncle over twenty years ago, he had enough time to grieve, to accept the outcome, and find happiness after it. And to top it all off, HE DIDN’T HAVE THAT MORAL DILEMMA PLACED IN FRONT OF HIM BEFORE IT HAPPENED.
I find Peter’s words hollow because unlike Miles, he was never asked to not intervene in a canon event, he hasn’t needed to deal with someone from his universe dying while he let it play out.
I am not saying he didn't suffer, he did, and a lot; yet he was unaware that this would happen, is way different having someone tell you “Oh those tragedies you lived? It’s the destiny that keeps everything together, it’s rough but it is what it is,” than someone telling you “Oh you are going to live a bunch of different personal tragedies, and you need to suffer with the burden of this knowledge because is this or everyone in every universe dies.”
(How much do you guys bet someone will use this as an example of the trolley problem in a philosophy class.)
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Since we are going in kind of a chronological order, let’s go to something a tad lighter both because it deserves mention, and so I can cool down before I start ranting in Spanish (which is not going to be saying pretty things about B precisely.)
Yes, Peter recognizes this is bad parenting, which is good because it certainly isn’t good; I also have trouble believing he didn’t know AT LEAST ONE spider that could stay behind and watch Mayday while he went to the chase.
However, I do think the chase was never going to be dangerous, nor Peter thought it would be. He has been Spider-man for a quarter of a century, he has been swinging around for so long is second nature to him, I bet he has taken Mayday on “strolls” which is him swinging around.
There is also another screenshot that really encapsulates that Peter didn’t realize how dire the situation is, but that’s for later.
There is also the possibility that he asked Miguel to do this as a way to distract him, but considering this is the only time he does this and is going around him being obsessed with Mayday (Which I think is a bit too much, but I blame more the writers than Peter for that.) I am inclined to believe this is not the case.
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(Sigh) I promise to try to be neutral, so I need to bring this up.
What they were talking about earlier can be lumped to a bit later on, and I decided to bring this instead of talking about it when Miles and Peter saw each other (which is I didn’t bring because what I could say would be the same as this.) Because this is something really beautiful that I didn’t want to leave out.
I think that’s what angers me the most about this, because in a vacuum? I love this.
I am a sucker for found family tropes, I love the idea that Miles would grow to see people like Peter B, Noir, and so forth as a family. I love how Peter says how much Miles means to him and meeting him changed his life for the better.
Peter B loves Miles, he said that in the last movie; I can’t just erase that.
However, is exactly because of this scene, that what happens next makes me so sad.
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Oh, Miles.
I didn’t mention it in the previous image nor did I took detailed screenshots for the sake of my sanity and to not turn this way too long. (Though I may do it in another moment- Ok I need to focus.)
Miles was obviously affected by what Peter said to him, it obviously means a lot because Miles also loves Peter; of all the spiders in the gang he was the one who he spent the most time initially; he wouldn’t be the Spider-man he is today without him.
And it breaks my heart how Miles says this.
Look at the angle, at his posture; Miles can’t even turn to say this to Peter’s face because it hurts so much. He looks so small in that shot, trying to emphasize how he is just a teen, how he really loves them so much, and it breaks his heart to know that they could visit him, and they didn’t.
Let’s remember what he was doing at the beginning of the movie; he was trying to study physics. He is great at it, and he was since the first movie, however, this is clearly not his passion; he loves his art and even if he didn’t know what he wanted to do yet in the first movie, you can see how much he loves what he does.
And he was willing to leave all of that aside, just to see Gwen, Peter and the others again; because as far as he knew there wasn’t any other way. Remember, he was aiming at Princeton; he would need to bleed and work hard to get there, and even after, being in this field it was not going to be a walk in the park; getting to make the dimensional travel work (At least without seeing Miguel’s technology like Hobie seemed to do;) was also going to be hard.
Miles wanted to do all of that for them, and them? They didn’t.
Now; I don’t blame Gwen in this scenario.
I had said this much in this post before, and a bunch of others too. Gwen was stuck with the Spider Society; and yet she risked losing everything, from homelessness to prison, to spend an afternoon with Miles the second she had an excuse.
What is Peter’s excuse?
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He couldn't, he couldn't.
That's what he had to say for himself.
Here is the thing: I am not sure I buy it.
Gwen makes sense to me, Miguel didn't want Gwen to be involved since the beginning and obviously doesn't trust her when is about Miles; Gwen wasn't exactly wrong to fear she would get kicked out if she acted out of line.
Peter? I have my doubts.
We don't know Miguel's and Peter B's relationship (I know some shippers have some ideas, not my cup of tea but I have no problem if people like it.) However, we know that Peter B was there when Miguel's dimension collapsed, later in the movie we saw what Miguel did to Gwen for what happened (believe me, we will get there.)
Even if that was the case; Peter’s situation is much less dire than Gwen’s. Even if Peter could be kicked out of the organization for disobeying Miguel; he would still have his wife, his house, his daughter. He would had been in the same spot he was at the end of the first movie, if not better because now he would had a chance to know both him and Miles would be okay.
I am getting ahead of the post here, but I honestly don’t know how much of Canon BS Peter believes; he clearly doesn’t think Miles is bad for being an anomaly, nor his daughter (technically because Peter wasn’t supposed to meet Miles, he wouldn’t have his daughter. Is certainly a NO in the comics.) Miguel is convinced that Miles’ presence is enough to create more holes in the multiverse; Gwen obviously doesn’t share that view. Peter? I don’t know if he thinks there is actually something to lose for visiting him.
One way or another, he doesn’t really give me a reason here; who knows, maybe when Beyond comes there would be enough information for me to admit Peter did the right thing. For now? No.
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Here, we have Miles telling Peter he wanted to meet them so badly, and even if Peter doesn't have a clue of how literal Miles is; you can hear it in his voice, in his posture, how he still cannot look at Peter because to that point it hurts.
And what's Peter's response to this?
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(Deep breath,) Boy at moments like this I really wish I didn't think so hard about media.
It hurts me, and it angers me, because it is a pretty sweet moment, but when you think hard about it, it just becomes messy.
I could make an entire discussion about how Peter literally ignored Miles’ feelings about not being there, about how he and others (Gwen not really, the others eehhh hard to say;) didn’t try too reach him, which obviously makes him feel like they don’t care about him as he does. And Peter decide to ignored it.
But! I will try to give him the benefit that this is a tense situation, there is hundreds of spiders looking for them, and there only have so much time. I am going to believe, Peter couldn’t address that at the moment because they had other issues.
Yet even if we omit that point, do you guys realize this is literally no different that his entire spiel about Uncle Ben, right?
Because that’s what he is trying to say, “Spider-man has to suffer, but hey sometimes good things can happen anyways.” This entire conversation is about trying to make Miles follow him, do whatever Miguel is trying to do to avoid having Miles go to his dimension (or at least stop him from saving his dad,) and basically let her dad die.
Look, there is nuance to this situation; Peter isn’t saying this to manipulate Miles, he believes this. He truly believes bad things had to happen to keep the universe from falling apart; I am convinced Miguel’s second universe didn’t fall for his Canon theory, yet Peter B was there, I can’t blame the guy for drinking the kool-aid a bit more than the others.
This doesn’t change the fact that this scene has Peter ignoring Miles’ pain, and try to tell him he needs to suffer some more because “is just how the universe works!”
(Sidenote but anyone can’t help to see this and think of a random Christian telling someone after they lived a personal tragedy “Is just G-d’s plan”? Because I saw that a lot.)
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Now, I guess the next question someone may be wondering is, do I believe Peter was being honest with Miles here?
...I don’t know, I really, don’t know.
I had seen this scene multiple times, and I lost count how many times when I was in the theatre, seeing this scene, and thinking “he knew” just for the next moment thinking “he didn’t know.”
If you want my two cents, the part that keeps tripping me over is how he looks at his watch, then Miles, then the watch, it makes me wonder if he is screaming that he doesn’t have his location to Miguel, or to Miles.
I don’t want to believe Peter purposefully drive Miles away so he could get trapped, when he says to Miles “I didn’t know, I promise;” I want to believe him.
The thing is, the outcome he hoped wasn’t that much different, now was it?
He wanted it to be Miles decision, yet again, he was trying to get Miles to not just abandon his morals (as well as the ones every Spider-person should have,) but also try to tell him he needs to suffer for the good of the world.
(I am having SO many flashbacks to things I read about cults, I need to continue working on that post about the Spider Society ffs.)
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This is a small detail, but I gotta say; Peter do you really have nothing on your defense?
Look, feel free to believe I am playing favourites, but unlike many people who had a problem with Gwen, I don't blame her for hiding this.
No, I don't think what she did was right. Let’s not get things twisted. I definitely think Gwen shouldn’t had hide this stuff, yet she in general NEVER, had a good idea of how much to say and how much to keep with anyone she talks to; from her dad to Jess to Miles. Once again this is an aspect I can’t get mad at her because she is sixteen and traumatized with a minimal support network and irresponsible guardians.
Now Peter, what’s YOUR excuse?
Not just for not telling something to Miles earlier, I could believe he would have done it if the situation has calmed down. No, Miles asked them about it, and even a bit later says “That’s why you guys never came to see me;” (Which I think is kind of BS but let’s not get ahead of myself on this one.) The thing is that when he has the teen he mentored being manhandled by his ‘friend,’ and said thing asks them to answer him; Peter just ducks.
Like he cannot even see Miles and admit he shouldn’t have done that.
Gwen’s excuse isn’t much better but at least she is answering and you can see in her face how much she knows she fucked up.
I am going to be honest, this little detail wouldn’t bother me as much if what has happened before and what’s yet to happened didn’t exist, yet it does.
There is a difference in “Well you did a little mistake but I can let slide” vs “There are so many things wrong here that I will call you out even for the tiny ones.” Granted Peter isn’t that bad, but is a nuance I think a lot of people don’t think of.
Could Peter haven't said anything because the scene is trying to focus on Miles and Gwen for this part? Yes; it doesn't stop me from getting annoying.
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Okay, Miles says this, do I believe it? Ehh not sure.
Gwen definitely not the case, if she truly thought him being an anomaly was a problem, she wouldn't have gone to see him directly.
Peter? Again, I have no idea how much of the kool-aid he has been drinking, the fact that he speaks highly of him and his daughter as good things that has happened makes me inclined to believe he doesn't.
We don't have an answer either way, right?
Not that Peter does much to help him feel better here. Yes yes trying to keep focus on certain characters I know.
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(Looks at the camera like is the office.) And now THIS is the time where I wish I wasn’t aware of how writing works.
Okay, I know what the purpose of Peter is, aside of being here as a mentor, he is here kind of as a comic relief. He doesn’t have the same narrative weight as he had in the last movie, and he is here to be cute with his baby for the most part. That’s his purpose at this moment.
It-doesn’t-change-anything.
He has this recurring joke on the third act about if he is or not a good mentor, and it kind of has to do with the last movie, specially this joke, since at the end he was also talking how he taught him something he definitely didn’t do. Last movie I found it cute, here? Not so much.
I am trying not to be hard here and why I would not address the “son of a mother” moment (which I honestly really hate,) because this is not even Peter B’s fault at this point; the writers were trying very hard to have a way to make the situation a tad lighter while also having an important character be in character. I can’t say is truly out of character, but I’m not appreciating it.
Especially having him insist on being a good mentor after letting down his protege MULTIPLE TIMES.
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Don't you guys love when you see a grown-ass adult go apeshit on a teen, and his friends aren't doing anything to stop him?
Sorry, yeah I understand that for narrative purposes, they have to be stuck to the ground, but after someone pointed this out a few weeks ago, I can't stop thinking of this shot so I needed to bring it out.
(BIG sidenote but, Margo is the biggest MVP here; girl met Miles once and probably has little to no context, yet she is helping him out. Queen behavior.)
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Now let's talk about some bullshit.
I know this is technically not about Peter, considering this is Miguel talking to Gwen, yet I find LAUGHABLE this response.
I will give this to the spider//dad shippers, I would also be inclined to believe Miguel has a thing for Peter B if between the guy who had the "fugitive" in close quarters for a few minutes yet did not attempt to trap him, vs the teen girl who tries to help out her mentor to catch the dude (even if she didn't try too hard,) you decide the teen girl is the problem.
Is funny because really all this scene needs is Miguel saying "If it wasn't for you, he wouldn't have come here, he wouldn't had know and the Spot wouldn't have escaped," at least that much couldn't have been said for Peter B.
I think the writers were trying to make Miguel just look less and less reasonable the more we saw on screen; which is why he would go with route.
It doesn't change the fact that Mighel accusing Gwen of not capturing him is laughable.
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YOU 👏 ARE 👏 A 👏 TERRIBLE 👏 MENTOR.
(This moment could be addressed individually, but they are basically the same thing and this post is DEFINITELY too long; seriously I had written fics shorter than this wtf.)
Here is my problem with this: He just decides that oh well, what can he do.
SERIOUSLY?!
Forget the "Oh but he doesn't do this the story-" for a moment; are you seriously telling me that not only this guy knows Miles is in a PRETTY fucked up situation, but also that Gwen is in her home universe where she will be homeless (because there is no way in hell Peter B doesn't know what happened to her,) and you decide to just, go brooding in your dimension?
You know is absolutely amazing how I had heard people grill Miguel and Jess for their behavior with Gwen (which I agree with for the most part,) yet I haven't seen anyone say "Isn't it a bit fucked up that Peter B should have known what would happen to Gwen if she went home and didn't decide to help her?"
Miguel is on Earth 1610 and hellbent on finding Miles, you cannot tell me if Peter B left his daughter with his wife, and then went to fetch Gwen, Miguel would have noticed. At the very least Peter could had try to check on her.
Peter B has known Gwen for longer than Jess and Miguel, even if he couldn't be a proper guardian for her because he was busy with his life, he could have been more present. He definitely could have attempted to defend her better when Miguel was screaming at her, or to look after her when she was kicked to her universe.
Jess is determined to act as if Gwen is more of an employee than a teen, but Peter B should be known better.
But is not his idea to help Miles, is Gwen's; because right now he is too focused on his life and his duty as spiderman to think of the younger generations that are hurting. Just like Miguel and Jess.
Yet not the narrative, nor the fandom, truly recognizes that.
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Let’s wrap this up, you guys have no idea the amount of hours I had spend on this and I would be surprised if someone got this far.
As a small detail, Peter is seen with Mayday, and this time I DO have a problem with it.
I honestly hope Peter isn’t with Mayday in Beyond, I will pretend Peter doesn’t have Mayday during the events on Beyond in my fics for as long as I can; because this is the moment where I feel the joke is being pushed too far.
They don’t know what would happen next, they don’t know in what type of situation they are in, they know whatever universe ended was one with no spiderman so it has to be dangerous; yet he brings the baby because that’s his recurring theme for this movie.
And truly, that’s really the problem with his character here: He was given a small role to do with very limited things to do.
I am not saying this is bad writing; I may not like Peter’s decisions in this movie, and I am really hoping beyond gives a big ass cup of “Adults need to start protecting the younger generations instead of insist they need to toughen up” to all of them. Because more than his role, I am annoyed that neither the movie nor the fandom is addressing the failings of Peter B.
He is not a bad character, I don’t even think he is a bad character in this movie. I like him, and even if writing all of this down made realize I am more bitter about it than I would had liked; I just don’t think is fair.
I want Peter to be better, as a mentor, as a father; and I am really hoping the next movie shows him grow that way too. I do believe the writers can pull it off.
Now, the fandom addressing that?...That I have MUCH less confidence. But not gonna lie this post was made mostly to get this out of my chest rather than expect a reaction out of it.
If anyone made this far, first of, wow; I know some people were interesting in reading this, but even I think I went for a while I put a lot of things that are small details but you guys now me, it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t do that.
Be thankful I don’t talk about micro-expressions in frames or this would truly would had ended up as a novelette.
Second, thank you for reading! Give a like and your opinion if you want; because I am pretty sure this post is doing to have fewer notes.
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