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hktime9 · 5 years

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“How to write better code?” asked a computer scientist-to-be

This is a question that I get once every 2 weeks (on average) mostly from my colleagues and friends who are studying the same degree for the same time as I. Why do they ask me? To be honest- I don’t know. What I also don’t know is the answer to their question. But I’d try to summarize what I think of the question. The answer to this question depends on many factors. If the questioner is a computer science major, I’d see what year they are in. Here’s my year to year advice to them:

- Freshman year: Coding at first is really intimidating. Its given that you’d spend hours in front of your screen to find that one line that does not compile. Here, you should remain patient and learn to accept that this problem demands a finite amount of time and focused concentration to overcome. Using online sources like stack overflow and GitHub are great options but never a first step if you want to become a decent coder. Go line by line and figure out what’s happening and whether it’s the right behavior. Freshman year includes a lot of programming labs, projects and assignments. Try to do all of them and start well before your deadline (seriously). Make it a habit to write a small program everyday. Could be a simple program to add two numbers or anything of that sort. Do some string operation or something. This would not only improve your algorithmic thinking, but also would polish the syntax of the language you code in. Like everything else in the world, mastery comes after practice. So hang in tight!

-Sophomore year: By now you have some experience of the life cycle of a typical program: understand the problem statement, do it on paper the way a human would do, do it on paper the way a computer would do, translate the latter to the programming language in question, debug. Now you also know some basics of computer science through some programming courses and maybe a few systems courses as well. The scope of your programming assignments should not be higher than maybe some array based tasks or implementing a few data structures like linked lists and binary trees to name a few. I’m assuming that you are completing your programming assignments religiously. If not, you really should be doing that before putting in extra work to improve your coding. I’ve seen people depending/copying on other people’s work even in individual assignments. While some might get away from plagiarism penalties and policies of your university, others face some sort of penalty (could be a grade reduction or something of that sort). While the latter might learn a lesson, the former fails to develop their skills and ultimately suffers in their professional life. So leaching on a friend is never a good option, well not in the long term. Try to do it even if you’re finding it hard. Take help from your teaching assistants and the rest of the course staff. You need to realize that these people are paid to help you. So please utilize office hours and appointments to the fullest. Doing extra always helps like attempting optional parts or the ones that give extra credits. Do some interesting problems and coding puzzles like the ones on hackerrank and leetcode. These are some excellent resources to polish up your skills as a developer and problem solver because they include some obvious metrics like completion, correctness and time. Have a study group where you can discuss your assignments and homeworks. There’s a difference between discussing and copying/leaching off. Mind that difference.

-Junior year: This is when you’re comfortable with programming in general. You know how it can be applied in a array of different tasks. You might have taken some old school courses like algorithms, databases and operating systems. PS I’m counting data structures as a programming intensive course and did not give it a special mention in the sophomore section :(. Go for some interesting courses like a networks course, AI/ ML or maybe some usability course. These courses will help you appreciate how you just cannot run away from programming. You’ll learn new approaches like socket programming and programming over a network (maybe some Remote Procedure Calls?). Go for some interesting applications. I remember developing a simple chatting application over a network during my junior year. I hosted it on the university’s network and anyone on the network could use it (if they knew the ip, obviously). I not only developed it, but also made it resistant to buffer overflows and scripting attacks(XSS) thanks to my roommate cum penetration tester. Once done with your Databases course, you can go for a full stack level by learning some server side and client side scripting. Learn some server based frameworks in javascript or anything. Look for some widely used frameworks; the ones which have a wider developer community. The community support will help you a lot, trust me. Some front end frameworks (client side) like ReactJS and VueJS are great these days. You can learn them using some MOOCS if your university doesn’t offer a course on them. Personally, Coursera is a great resource. Its super easy to use and has great customer care. Their “Full-Stack Web Development with React Specialization” offered by the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology is great. Once done you are fully capable to work as a full stack developer and the only thing stopping you is an internship offer from a company and time to practice. The latter can be achieved on your own, while the prior needs some homework and external networking. Connect to some local organization and CEOs on LinkedIn. Make sure you have a well maintained and updated LinkedIn profile and turn on recruiter discoveries to get recruiter in-mails. Be on the lookout for internship offerings and openings. Apply whenever you get a chance. Working on an organization’s project will help you learn a lot. It will not only improve your coding and problem solving stills, but also make you realize how important it is to work in teams. The latter is crucial to success in the industry since a project has multiple groups composed of many individuals. Be sure to take up work that is doable within the deadline. Keep a good relation with your supervisor and always ask for specific direction to get it right the first time.

Senior year: This has to be the most confusing year in-terms of future planning since graduation is approaching and life after is somewhat uncertain. Don’t let this fear of the uncertain get to you. My advice might not be very concrete because I, myself, am a senior while writing this. But I’ll try to incorporate my learning and findings here. The first question you might want to answer is whether coding is for you. This question is not presented before because there wasn’t an escape from it earlier because you had assignments that required you to code. Now that you can take up courses that need minimal programming effort like human-computer interaction and usability/planning courses you have a way out. These include courses like requirement engineering and planning. There are other examples as well which aren’t difficult to find. The answer to the question posed would not be a yes unless you completely love programming, in which case you’re on the right track. Loving programming is different from being good at it. You might love it and be bad at it and that’s completely fine in which case you should multiply your efforts to get better at it. Again, practice is the key. Try out programming courses on Coursera or some other platform. Get a github for student account. You’ll get it for free if you have an email account provided by your university. I’d like to make a special mention to Educative.io which offers a plethora of courses for free if you have a github for students. Educative.io is user friendly and keeps good track of your progress through the course. It is run by a very dedicated team. I personally know people working there who write articles and make courses. Almost all of them have worked as teaching assistants during their time at the university and most certainly know what they are doing and there work reflects their capabilites. They have some amazing courses. Do check it out if you have a github for students account. You’d also get free access to paid tools like AWS, Azure, DigitalOcean and Heroku. If the answer to the question is no, then you need to research more on courses and fields in computer science that do not require intense programming. These 3 years will definitely equip you with the skills that you need to do “some” coding that these fields demand. There wont be much but not zero at the same time. If you are still undecided about the question, you really should invest time knowing an answer. Ask your professors for help. Tell them honestly what you feel and why you can’t make a decision considering that you’ve spent considerable time doing it. They might guide you to a definitive answer. And then continue according to the answer. Now’s also a good time to look into industry’s standards and best practices. Maybe learn a new language? Or try using mainstream tools and familiarize yourself with devOps. Some of them are Docker, Jenkins, Slack, Jira, Git and many more, each with a set of its own unique features. Their knowledge and use will help you once you land a job because most organizations use them on a daily basis. Try some cloud computing platforms like the Amazon web services, Microsoft’s Azure and Google’s Cloud Platform. These platforms offer an array of services like storage, hosting and compute. Familiarize yourself with their usage because they usually have a learning curve. Do a lot of hobby coding. Try different approaches to a problem. For example I was going through geekforgeeks and came across an interesting problem which had a greedy solution and required an LCM (Least Common Multiple) of two numbers. The author had used a builtin function for computing it. I wondered if I could write it recursively. I decomposed the problem and found an optimal substructure which proved that a recursive solution should exist. I worked on it and wrote it and it worked. It was a mere 10 liner. Practice like the one mentioned will help you develop confidence while improving your coding skills. So practice writing code even if its not that intensive and long and hopefully you’ll see improvement.

This concludes my very first attempt that writing. I plan to write more and post here often. I’m eager to get feedback and comments. Here’s my LinkedIn profile. I really hope this helps the reader. Thank you for reading

#compsci #technology #tech #majors #stem #stemeducation #programming #coding #computerScience

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suechoiart · 5 years

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SU19 Internship_ Week 4

Today I want to talk about client relations and office productivity.

Firma started business in 2015 and it is a relatively young firm. It has been interesting to see where Scott has adopted practices from Olin (where he had worked for over a decade) and where he is trying to cultivate new standards and a “knowledgebase” for his own firm. I love the energy of the firm and their attention to office improvement- it really feels like they are in for Firma to be a good firm, and not just one that exists.

I attempted very, very briefly to do freelancing as an artist and I like to entertain the idea of having my own practice in the distant future. My (marriage) partner has been running his own business for nearly five years. Entrepreneurship and small business are both dreams and reality to our lives. So, another benefit to working at Firma is: this is a chance to absorb a lot of small business skills.

_ project management (Asana)

Firma is a small office. There’s enough breathing room for two regular employees, one intern, and an extra desk for a second intern (or new employee?!). Anyways point is, we are always in earshot of each other when we’re in the office together. It is still very important to touch base and keep track of project/office tasks and progress!

Firma uses a service called Asana to track to-do lists. I think I’ve heard Asana be advertised on a podcast, so it must be popular in the tech field (just a guess)... Few notable things are: each task has its own section to take notes and create subtasks; tasks can be assigned to specific people and put a deadline on it, so you can open your profile and see what tasks have bee assigned to you.

My task page under “intern tasks” - some are actually assigned to my profile, some are floating tasks that have been filed in this category. I don’t have access to any ‘pro’ features, so this could be substituted with any document sharing platform in my world... The important thing is probably to actually use it and update it regularly.

This has been a helpful tool for us to get together at the beginning of each week and assess priorities. Yesterday (Monday/Week5) was the first time in my internship we looked through all active projects and checked through any outstanding tasks. (With summer vacation days, it’s been a quick 4 weeks!) During that process, Scott and Sarah added new tasks to projects, archived projects that are no longer active (e.g. the rest of the work was not part of the scope anymore.) It was good to listen to that conversation to get a sense of when projects finish, when limbos happen, etc...

_ scope

Scott shared with me a copy of a new “Proposal for Landscape Architectural Services” that he had written for a new client. (The client has accepted the proposal and we have started working on this project!)

The scope is essentially the contract of work between the LA and the client. Along with fees, this proposal lists a range of services that will be provided organized by phases (e.g. 1-Schematic Design, ...) over a schedule, a estimated time frame for services to be completed. In addition to what Firma will do, there is a section called “Assumptions/Exclusions” that list, well, exactly assumptions and exclusions stated by the designer for the client to review.

For instance, if the scope outlines production of CAD drawings but not other renderings - any task for Firma to produce visual renderings for municipality reviews would be an additional service, because it was not included in the initial scope.

This document also includes the fascinating world of fees! Firma typically charges in lump sum (e.g. $100,000 for all work rather than $200/hr), and Scott shared that price reflects his experience with similar types of work and how many hours he typically spent on similar jobs. He also keeps in mind market standards for landscape architect work. For instance, firms with more ‘boutique’ reputation (”market power”) could, in addition to assumed hours spent, charge a little more and still attract clients!

So it is within this scope that Scott and Sarah create tasks on Asana; and based on those tasks we work and keep track of our time spent...

_ time tracking (Harvest)

I think this has been one of the best things I’m going to gain this summer- the very habit of time tracking. Firma uses a service called Harvest to keep track of time spent for different projects. I’ve had multiple conversations with different design students about how much work design students do, and how little there is to show for it.... If not good design, I have now developed the habit of showing how much time I’ve been doing stuff--!

What I’ve done on June 14. This was a day with various tasks- some days I’ve spent more than 7 hours on one single project; and it has been cool to be able to see all of that!

There isn’t too much to share from my window, but I can speak to the strength of Harvest over just pencil scribbles. Through this platform, you can create a list of sub-tasks per projects and even categorize them - e.g. into “billable” and “non-billable” hours. In a previous office I worked, we tracked by hand (or recited by memory?) how many hours were spent on a project, and it was to be tallied by the person creating the invoice... But this interface prompts you to log descriptions, categories for projects, etc.... And you can get a quick glance at what you’ve done in a week!

This was the week I spent mostly researching and creating a presentation for outdoor furnishings-- more than half of the week was spent on it!

Obviously I won’t have billable hours doing my school homework, but this in itself is a brilliant thought to just track what I am doing when. It would be good to find a free or personal version of this software to use on my own.

Anyways, Scott uses this to tally up the hours spent on jobs- I think he uses his professional discretion before writing the invoice, but he has a solid body of documentation to back up ‘work done’ when he is talking to clients. I think that is so cool!

_ reflection

I ended up just geeking out over what we do in the office, but I really am impressed that Firma incorporates smart ‘apps’ that exist out in the wild. I guess I’ve just never worked in an environment like that and hadn’t thought of those workflows that make lives easier! Of course, this increases office productivity (less time spent mulling over “what did I do?” and more “do!”) and keeps everyone very accountable, which I believe leads to a happy work environment.

I do want to share one story about scope -- Scott shared that clients typically reduce scope first by dropping site visits. He attributed this to how site visits occur typically in the later part of the project when clients realize how MUCH money they’re paying (which is what they agreed to pay!). So I’ve learned that there are scopes where the site visit is not included at all, and some that have a lot less site visits than designers would like.

I got to follow along to one site visit, where it turned out the landscaping contractors had been operating on a old planting plan. When we got there, they had already ordered based on the old planting plan and started planting as such, and the plants that arrive were different too, because it’s based on wholesale availability... Thankfully the new planting plan was not a big departure from the old one, but Scott had to make a lot of new decisions on site that he wasn’t planning on. He mentioned that this particular project did not include as many site visits as he’d like, so the other times he’s visited, there was always something slightly different than what they had proposed...

_ closing

This (last) week I’ve learned that landscape/landscaping is a particularly difficult career to ‘see through,’ since there are so many variables along the way. The nursery might not have the right plants, whoever is installing or maintaining it might introduce a new problem, or the weather just might say no.... There is always something to be cautious about, and it requires a whole lot of optimism and patience to tend to these issues!

Oh, I didn’t get a chance to address client-designer relationships at all!

Next week I want to talk about company structure, hierarchy, and employee management. !! Fun stuff

#lar561 #internship #landscape architecture #business #management

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lordsicheng · 6 years

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it had to be you; lucas wong

Lucas x OC

g: fluff, enemies to “friends”

Prompt: Prompt List pt.1 - fluff (cheesy ver) - #5

“Has anyone ever told you how cute you look when you’re angry?”

requested? yes! ♥ requests are also still open for this prompt list

Word count: 1.9k~

“That’s weird.”

That was the only thing you ever said as you arrived to one of your classes, noticing you knew literally nobody as you looked around the classroom. You were sure that class was the one texted by your friends, who already signed up beforehand. You were quite late yourself in signing up, forgetting you had free time in between 1pm and 4pm, so to kill time, you decided to take a class your friends were gonna take

Or so you thought.

Blinking a couple of times as you looked to the side, you saw someone familiar and paused to look at him closely. For some reason, you kind of had a feeling it was someone you knew, someone you probably were classmates with, and yet

“Of all people?” you suddenly groaned, making him look at you with the same flabbergasted expression

“Wow. Are you following me?” he stood up from his seat, crossing his arms as he turned to you

“Honestly, I would’ve understood if I was the only freshman in this class. And yet you’re here, Lucas, which makes the whole experience worse.” you whined, looking around to find a different seat, far away from Lucas as you walked over to the back

“What on earth did I ever do to you to hate me this much, y/n?” he followed you without knowing as he spoke, making you turn to look back at him all irritated

“I don’t know, maybe because you never apologized to me after you ‘accidentally’ dropped your bottle of water over my final project, which I spent three consecutive sleepless nights for!” you waved your hands in annoyance, and yet you both didn’t realize the others inside the classroom were already staring at the both of you while arguing

“I’ve got nothing to say.” he responded rather coldly, crossing his arms again as he took a step back to his desk

You looked around and noticed some of your classmates were already looking at both of you, some of them kind of containing their laughter either they found it funny or cute. Maybe even both.

Because you really had no choice, you decided to just sit next to Lucas—but you moved your seat many inches from him, making him almost burst into laughter

“What?” you gave him a stink eye, putting your bag on the desk

“It’s weird for us to even be in the same class together. Even weirder for us to have to sit together.” he rolled his eyes as he turned his head to look at the whiteboard, trying to ignore you as the professor arrived before you could even respond in spite

The whole time you were in class, it was just an exchange of either glances or eye rolls between both of you whenever you accidentally met eyes while looking around the classroom out of boredom from your own professor. However, you both didn’t really have a choice since you knew no one else but each other, so you had to suck it up for the most part.

“Alright, I want to have you all paired since I’m giving a small piece of homework.” your professor announced mid class, making you look around frantically in hopes you won’t get paired with Lucas

“However, I can only pair people who are in the same course. I think everyone here is an art major?” he asked, looking around the classroom as you contained yourself from raising your hand that you weren’t an art major just to make sure you weren’t gonna end up getting paired with Lucas

And yet, to your embarrassment, he actually did raise his hand

“Yes?”

“Sir, we’re both from the Sports department so we’re not-“ you suddenly slapped his shoulder so hard for him to stop him from speaking, making him look at you with a scrunched up face whilst rubbing the part where you had hit him hard

“I swear if we get paired-“

“Alright, you’re both automatically a pair then. This is to ensure that you won’t have a hard time trying to find each other to try and finish the homework in case your schedules didn’t meet.” your professor nodded, turning to his desk to grab his notebook for the list of the class

“Great, you idiot.” you mumbled, but Lucas was able to hear and poked your arm to try and get your attention

“Can we at least be civil with one another?” he asked, pouting slightly that made you frown as you turned your head to him

“Fine.” you groaned, leaning back on your seat as you crossed your arms

“Alright, looks like I have given enough for the homework. Anyways, you two at the back?” your professor pointed to you and Lucas as he stood from his table

“Why did you guys sign up for this class, by the way?” he asked out of curiosity, leaning on his desk as he crossed his arms

“We…” you paused, trying to think of a better reason than “Oh, I got here because my friends told me to sign up for this class” type of reason, by which of course, you didn’t end up getting any ideas

“We just… like art!” Lucas grinned and nodded, giving some of the students in class and even the professor a good roar of laughter as the school bell for dismissal had rang whilst everyone’s amusement

“Well I guess you’re both welcome here. Class, do your homework and I’ll see you all on Wednesday.” he walked out with his textbook and left the room in a jiffy, making you put your head on the table and whine rather lowly, Lucas looking at you as he stood up all confused and grabbing his backpack

“We’re gonna be late for our next class. It’s a major subject for all the Sports Department students.” he said as he put on his backpack, forcing you to stand up and put your own as well

“Can we ignore each other during the next class?” you grumbled, trying to walk away

“But what about our homew-“

“We’ll do something about it thirty minutes before class. Just please.” you sighed as you continued to leave, Lucas feeling quite let down as he was actually eager to finish the homework beforehand to not let the stress get to both of you

The two classes you both were in right after art class made you feel low in energy, especially because you were quite embarrassed by what had happened. Lucas, who usually sat at the back of the class due to his tall stature, couldn’t help but look at you and somehow feel bad. But he didn’t mean to embarrass you in any way since he only tried to help out.

“So you misread my text about the class number? No wonder you didn’t show up in class.” your friend whispered as she leaned near you, you resting your chin on your arm on the desk whilst scribbling on your notes

“Of all people, I had to be stuck with Lucas.” you sighed, turning to look at her slightly

“Lucas? Lucas Wong? Seriously? The guy who messed up your whole project for finals?” she gasped a bit, trying to hide her shock

“Who else?” you grumbled, blowing a raspberry as you continued on drawing doodles on your notes, trying to get what had happened at the class earlier and Lucas off of your mind

After all, you both only get to interact on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, thanks to your differences in majors within the Sports department.

Wednesday had come and you walked in to see your classroom was empty, even though you were five minutes early. Something was fishy, you thought, so you just went inside the classroom and waited by the teacher’s desk in hopes you could change your seat and be far from Lucas.

And yet to your surprise, Lucas had arrived and actually came running towards the door, just as surprised as you were to see the whole classroom bare.

“Where is everyone?” he asked, looking around the room whilst holding on to his backpack sling on his shoulder

“No clue.” you shrugged, leaning back on the chair

“Oh, there you are!” your professor suddenly arrived, panting slightly as he walked in the room

“Sir, where is everyone?” you asked as you stood up from your seat

“I forgot to tell you guys that the art students are having an orientation today, so class is cancelled and we’ll resume on Friday.” he explained, grinning

“Sir, what about our homework? I have our work here-“

“Ah, I’m gonna have to postpone the deadline to Friday. Don’t worry, at least you guys got ahead of the time to do the whole homework.” he chuckled as he looked at his watch

“Anyways, enjoy your short time off. I gotta go and get to the orientation. See you on Friday.” he left in a hurry, leaving you and Lucas looking all worn out from actually having the effort to have to go to that class and endure on seeing each other

You and Lucas walked out of the room together, trying to take in the fact that class had actually been postponed. Again, you both remembered that you were the only ones who had a different major within the class, so you had to understand that they would have other stuff to do that didn’t have anything to do with your own department

“Hey, Lucas? Did you actually do the homework?” you turned to look at Lucas, who was standing right behind you and looking at you the whole time

“Well, yeah. I mean, we had to at least have a page of the research.” he shrugged, holding up the piece of paper that has quite a number of paragraphs printed on it, showing how much research he actually did that quite impressed you

“You did all of that research? Without me?” you asked in appall, crossing your arms and furrowing your brows

“Has anyone ever told you how cute you look when you’re angry?” he commented whilst smirking, making you somehow feel confused and kind of embarrassed

“Shut up.” you rolled your eyes, turning to the other side of the hall to leave

“See you on the next class, cutie.” he called out as you walked, making you pause midway and try to contain yourself from getting angry

As soon as you turned to Lucas, he had a huge grin across his face as he looked at the papers he had worked on for your homework. For some reason, his smile made you feel some sort of fuzzy inside, noticing his features that you wanted to ignore from the beginning, and that he actually was quite, erm, handsome, to your admittance.

“Lucas.” you called, making him look up immediately without getting that “irritatingly adorable” grin off of his face

“Wanna walk to class together?” you asked, quite teasing him as you realized the change in his expression that slightly showed his bashful side

“Wait, what?”

“Never mind.” you quickly turned and walked away, to which Lucas was actually eager to walk out with you from the building to another one right across campus for your next class

“Wait up!” he ran and followed you towards the stairs, somehow not able to take off that huge grin off of his face again as he walked right behind you, as if he was some sort of a “guardian angel” that kept following you around

“Don’t tell anyone we walked out together, or else.” you said without turning to him as you walked

“I can’t promise that.” he responded immediately without thought

“Lucas.”

“Sorry, cutie.” he chuckled as he followed you with crossed arms, while you tried to hide your smile as you bit your lip and contain yourself, whilst walking towards the other side of the campus and to your next class.

#nct #nct u #nct 2018 #lucas wong #nct lucas #wong yukhei #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct u scenarios #nct u imagines #queue: asleep

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seashellrosekitty · 6 years

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Crestfallen (Part Two)

Pairing: Scott McCall x Female Reader (eventually)

Wordcount: 2.2k

Plot: You’re new to Beacon Hills, grieving your parents’ death. Scott befriends you in Biology class.

Chapter Characters: Scott McCall, Natalie Martin, Lydia Martin, and Stiles Stilinski (real world AU - our beloved Alpha and Banshee are merely humans in this story.)

Warning: Deep Angst. The reader’s character might come off as depressing to you. Also, swearing.

Author’s Note: This is probably terrible. I feel like my writing is all over the place so please bear with me!

I was woken up by the ray of sun coming through the small part of the window that I had forgotten to close the night before. The light was seeping into my eyelids making my eyes roll back to the front and see red. When I opened my eyes, my room looked softly lit. It looked pleasant, as my dream. It was vivid. Clear as reality. I’ve dreamt of them again. But this time I remembered it when I woke up.

I was home again. I was seated on our couch in the living room. An opened book laid on my lap. Dad was seated in his favorite recliner, and mom...well...she was in my view, making dinner in the kitchen. And the house was filled with songs of Michael Jackson from the 80s. We didn’t say a thing to each other, but everything was good. Everything was perfect. Everybody was alive.

I wanted to stay asleep. I wanted to stay in that dream. But no. The day greeted me awake now and all that dream was anything but reality. Another day in this foreign room. In this foreign house. In this not-so foreign town. I drew a sharp breath before getting myself out of the covers. It was a Saturday. I had the morning free and the afternoon was scheduled for me and Stiles to meet for a History report we needed to get done together. He came by at around 4 PM. I was out on the porch when his Jeep pulled up in front of the house. He got out of his Jeep, clumsily carrying his books.

“Aren’t we supposed to do world history? Why do you have so many books with you?” “Hello to you too,” Stiles said to me, clearly pointing out I had to do better in this social etiquette stuff. Or whatever you call it. “We can’t just rely solely on our textbook, you know?” “Sure, but have you forgotten there’s Google and Wikipedia nowadays?” I responded as I opened the front door for him. “Yeah I love that stuff but this stuff is even better. Don’t you wanna ace History?” “I couldn’t care less,” I huffed. He turned around to look at me and I was just startled to have him standing too close to me all of a sudden. He squinted his eyes, probably thinking I should be blamed if we flunk History.

“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just say that.” I didn’t know he was such a go-getter.

When we took breaks, Stiles went to Lydia’s bedroom. And I spent the break hanging out on the poolside. It was getting colder each week. Fall was already in season, and the pool, just like the backyard and the front yard, was full of leaves that needed to be put away.

I jumped when my phone rang. It was Scott. What could he be calling me for? After two rings, I finally picked up.

“Hello?” “Hey, Y/N. Sorry to bother you. Is Stiles still there with you?” “Yeah but he’s with Lydia now.” “Great. Could you bring your phone to him, please? I need to talk to him. He’s not answering.” “Oh. Sure. Hold on.” I stood up as I said that and rushed to Lydia’s bedroom, still holding my phone over my ear. I knocked loudly.

“Lydia? Is Stiles there?” I heard shuffling and grunting noises inside and I just felt repulsed. “Scott’s on the phone. Said he needs to talk to Stiles.”

“Tell him it’s about his dad. He’s in the hospital,” Scott said over the phone. I repeated what he said aloud. Then I heard loud thumps and stomping feet, then the door opened revealing a flushed Stiles. His shirt was clearly just worn in a rush. I instinctively leaned back from the door as I handed my phone to him. Stiles loudly whispered “Thanks” to me as he grabbed the phone and shut the door. It didn’t take a minute before the door opened again and Stiles was rushing to get outside Lydia’s room, still holding my phone and talking to Scott. I was left still standing across Lydia’s door, with a peek of her room. I was obviously interrupting something and the moment I realized that, Lydia was standing before the door and gave me a sarcastic smile as she gently closed it. That was my cue to follow Stiles to the living room where our books were laid open from the research. “Y/N/N, I’m so sorry but I gotta go. It’s my dad. Promise we’ll finish this before the deadline. Hang on to the books for me, ok?” He said and then gave me back my phone, rushing to leave.

At dinner, we had steak, salad, and mashed potatoes. Natalie’s cooking was really good, but I couldn’t forget that look on Stiles’ face when he opened the door, even up until he left. It was plastered with worry and somehow, annoyance. I wonder what happened to his dad? I badly wanted to ask Lydia about it but I thought I might be prying. Besides, she’s never given me a look I could smile at since she closed the door on me that day.

***

I spent the next few days letting myself just go with the flow. I went to class, ate lunch with Lydia and her friends, did my homework, I talked to Natalie...I even smiled for her a few times. I felt like I was there but I wasn't really there. I felt like I trapped myself in my own head and let my brain do all the work for me like I was on autopilot. I couldn't understand what was going on with me. The only times I was ever really conscious about where I was and what I was doing was when I was alone. When nobody could see me, nobody's talking to me, and I am just left thinking how am I still breathing.

I took showers at night because it calmed me. One night, I stood on the shower and let the water run across my face with my mouth open so I could breathe. The droplets of water were soft on my skin. It was probably the calmest thing I've felt upon me since my parents died. Not that it was long ago, but nothing about me was calm or pleasant anymore. Nothing felt okay. But that moment in the shower was. I felt my heartbeat slow down and I kept my eyes closed. I wanted to cry in there, but not a single tear fell out of my eyes. How is it possible for someone to feel hurt and numb at the same time? What a complicated concept. But it happened to me. Maybe it’s happened to you too. But I hope you’ve handled your situation better than I did.

***

Each day, Scott would always strike a conversation between us. He's really nice. Sometimes I wonder what keeps him going, what keeps him positive. I arrived in our Biology lab before he did, and he greeted me with his usual innocent smile. He looked handsome that day. He wore a beige shirt and a denim jacket. It was simple but it suited him.

"You're early," he said. I smiled at him in agreement because I didn't know what to respond to that, and he pursed his lips as he smiled back when he realized what he said didn't really encourage me to say anything. At one point, I wondered if I should just write him a letter to explain things. I felt bad for the boy. "How was your weekend?" Finally, an open-ended question. Not that I would tell him about the glorious shower I had last Saturday.

"Good. I stayed home, so..." I shrugged, letting him assume my weekend was, as a matter of fact, uneventful.

"Me too. There was a lot of cleaning to do," he replied, scratching his head. "So, what do you like to do for fun?" Three weeks have passed since I moved here and no one has asked me this question. Not even Lydia. I looked at him and thought of what to answer him. I didn't even know if I was ready to do anything remotely fun. Autopilot, remember?

I raised my shoulders shrugging and said, "Usual stuff, I guess," then my mind drifted to a memory I carried from when I was eleven. My parents and I went to the beach and set up a tent and spent the night there. We had a bonfire and we watched shooting stars dart across the sky. I don't know why we never did that again. My mind drifted back to Scott, who was still waiting for my answer. "But I miss going to the beach and having a bonfire," I finished with a smile. I felt that smile. It was real. It wasn't forced. And Scott was left speechless and just gave me a smile too. I started to like that smile. I didn't realize that it's nice to remember the good things. I miss them. Maybe that's what good memories are for.

The week after that, I found myself spacing out in class. I almost never remember what the lessons were. The only subject I ever cared to be mentally present in was AP Biology. I couldn’t have Mrs. Finch embarrassing me with her sass for not listening. Once in a while then, I realized how easy it was to cut class. As long as none of Lydia’s friends were my classmates, I knew I was safe from prying eyes.

One subject I liked cutting was English Literature. Ms. Blake was a good teacher and all but I dunno. I just didn’t feel like being in her class all the time. I’d rather listen to Mr. Harris in History than learning about Mark Twain with Ms. Blake. One time, I decided to finally do it. After the third period, I made sure no one I know saw me. I went outside of the school and headed to the bleachers. No one was there. At least, no one I knew. Just some kids smoking their day away.

***

At the Martins' home, the house was usually quiet. I would occasionally hear Lydia talking on the phone in her room while I'd be doing my homework or watch TV, or her mom would be making our meals in the kitchen or talking to someone on the phone. I was grateful that both of them just did their own thing, not pulling a Brady Bunch act on me. Definitely, the Martins weren't anything like the Brady Bunch. One evening, Lydia's dad came to visit. He was tall, thin, and his eyes popped out of his head. Wherever he looked made him look like he was glaring at it. I felt uncomfortable around him. He was always so critical of everything. I think he never trusted anyone but himself. I thanked God that he didn't stay for dinner because I really didn't wanna be in that situation where I'm in the middle of a feud of a family I’m not even a part of. Whenever her dad came to visit, I noticed Lydia would be extra hardworking in school the next day. She would raise her hand all the time.

I never knew why he and Natalie divorced, never even really knew when they did. All I remember was that their family was different from mine. Lydia's parents seemed like the kinds of people who both went to Ivy League schools and intended for their daughter to do the same. And my parents, well, they were more carefree than Lydia's parents. They let me explore so many things without pressure. They've let me try art, explore astronomy, even a few recreational things like fishing, snorkeling, etc. The only pressure I ever got from them was when I got low grades. I was never an overachiever like Lydia, but my parents wanted me to have at least a good passing grade. Getting a C would already worry them. I miss them.

I miss their voices. Their company. The way they used to say my name. I’ve been having little moments of realizing how my life has changed drastically in their absence. There was no mom and dad for me to go home to. No mom to wake me up in the morning. No dad to watch action movies with. When I look at these kids around me in school, I see that they’re full of life. Laughing over Tumblr memes, cheering over their favorite boy band or geeking out over the latest Marvel movie. And here I am. Breathing. But feeling lifeless. Tell me. How can I move forward from this? How can I feel alive again?

Part Three

@bojabee @jurrasicpork @chiamilia @sav625 @kim-hunter5 @thejourneyofabrokenheart @seninjakitey

#scott mccall #scott mccall imagine #scott mccall angst #scott mccall x reader #teen wolf imagine #teen wolf fanfiction #crestfallen series

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davidelizabethbowiestrider · 6 years

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So i have a lot of homework to do over break. Can you write a Jaylos fic where Carlos is touring himself with school work and Jay tries to help him relax. Jay asks him on a date and Carlos says no but doesn't realize Jay was asking him out because he likes him not just because he was trying to get him to stop working.

Winter holidays were a weird thing.

On the Isle, there had been no holidays. No happy gatherings, no time off from school, and certainly no presents. Homework was a suggestion, more than a requisite task, and it never piled up- especially for Carlos de Vil, not-so-evil-but-still-a-genius of the Isle. He had been able to carefully manage schoolwork, Mal’s half-cocked schemes and his chores like a well balanced scale, never letting one thing tip the balance too much, and he had been damn good at it. He had assumed that going to Auradon would mean less stress; he didn’t have to worry about schemes and watching his back, about the mountain of never ending chores his mother would give him daily. He could focus on schoolwork and friends without having to stress about his life for a change.

He had assumed wrong.

Were he inclined to blame others for things in his life, his hectic schedule would have to be blamed on Jay’s need to stay active and Evie’s craving for acceptance from the royal masses. Jay had insisted that they both joined Tourney, and with Tourney’s off season came Swords and Shields. Carlos hadn’t been able to refuse Jay’s begging that he join as well- he knew it was Jay’s way of making sure he could defend himself should they ever be separated, and though Swords and Shields was easy enough for him, the only thing keeping him in Tourney had been Jay. Evie’s soft spoken plead for assistance with her newest clothing line was equally impossible to refuse, his nights running longer as the deadline for her first mock up’s drew nearer, Mal often disappearing into Lonnie’s room across the hall to avoid the sounds of sewing machines while she tried to sleep.

On top of all that, he had taken up three new classes just before winter break, technology courses that had him up all hours fiddling with parts Mr. Hawkins had slipped him on the fly after the last class of the semester. He hadn’t realized exactly how much he’d let pile up until Jane had knocked on his dormitory door, asking if he’d finished his share of the Oceanography project they had been grouped together for. He had apologized profusely, assuring the confused girl that he would have the research to her as soon as possible before diving into the pile of work awaiting him on his desk.

That had been three days ago, and Jay was growing concerned. He had made sure to bring food up from the cafeteria for the younger boy, forcing him to take a break long enough to eat every so often, and while he had tucked the teen into bed the past few nights, every morning he woke up to Carlos passed out on top of his notes. It was beginning to get ridiculous; while Jay knew that Carlos had a problem with taking on too many tasks to keep himself occupied, to tire himself to the point of dreamless, nightmare free sleep, he knew from the multiple health classes Fairy Godmother forced them to take (and hadn’t she been surprised during their ‘sex education ‘ talk to learn that sweet, innocent Carlos was the most crass of their foursome when it came to the topic) that what Carlos had been doing wasn’t healthy.

“Hey, C? Why don’t you take a break from all that work? I was, uh, thinking maybe you’d wanna go see a movie with me?” Carlos glanced up from his book, frowning slightly at Jay before returning his attention to his work.

“I need to get this done, Jay. Maybe ask the girls if they wanna go, I just have too much homework to do to hang out right now.” Jay frowned, moving to take the book from Carlos in an attempt to gain his attention.

“I was thinking more of a you and me alone thing…I’ll pay, we can get dinner first, catch my drift?” He gave the younger teen a hopeful look, and Carlos reached to take the book back, giving an exasperated sigh as he picked up his pen again.

“Later, Jay. Okay?” Jay gave a sigh, running his hand through his hair before turning to go to his bed, picking up his jacket.

“Okay. I’m reading you loud and clear, C. Forget I asked you out on a date, dude…I don’t want things to get awkward.” Pulling on his coat he left the room, shoulders slumped as Carlos made a noncommittal noise, scribbling furiously in his notebook for a moment before his head shot up, eyes wide.

“A date?” he stated, turning his head to look at the door Jay had disappeared through, processing the words before pushing himself away for his desk to take off out of the dorm room, rushing to catch up with Jay to grasp his arm, preventing him from going further down the hall.

“Dude, what’s wrong?” Jay frowned as he watched Carlos, waiting for him to catch his breath as they stood in the hallway.

“You want to go on a date with me?” It was half question half statement, and Jay gave a slow nod, brows furrowing in concern as Carlos gave him a baffled look. “And it’s not a joke? Or a trick?” Jay shook his head, reaching to take the smaller teen by his shoulders as he gave him a small smile.

“Carlos. I would never joke about asking you out. I thought you felt the same way, but if I was wrong…” Carlos shook his head, eyes wide as he grasped Jay’s arms tightly.

“No! No, that’s not-I never thought you would like me, Jay, I mean I’m just- no no, I do feel the same way I promise. Yes. I’d love to go to dinner and a movie with you.” Both teens beamed at each other, and Jay nodded towards the direction he’d been walking.

“You wanna come eat with me now and we can discuss details?” Carlos raised a brow, giving a small snort.

“A pre-date date?” He teased, and Jay laughed as he draped an arm over the younger teen’s shoulder, guiding him down the hall.

“I think our entire friendship up to this point has been a pre-date date, C.”

#prompt #jaylos #ssquared2018

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sevlies-blog · 7 years

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hey babes !! i'm kat and i forgot.. that today was thursday, hence my acct being so late, work's rly playing mind games with me kjdlsfj. anyways, i'd make this super long and unnecessary like i normally do but im at work atm so i'm gonna make this quick. if you wanna plot, im me and feel free to ask for my discord, i prefer that over tumblr tbh ! so here's my rly.. weird bio for yeseul, hopefully you don't cringe like i still do but no promises lmao

{ aphrodite – park chaeyoung } did you see NAM YESEUL walk into the sorority house ? i heard the TWENTY-TWO year old SENIOR is known to be EBULLIENT & METICULOUS. but in the hallways, SHE is infamous for their TEMERARIOUS & DECADENT behaviour. one thing is sure, the SOCIOLOGY major is perfect for pennbrooke.

yeseul was born to her securities analyst father and secretary mother on the twenty-fourth of july, 1995. the youngest of two with an older brother two years her senior, she would live a fairly normal childhood in their three bedroom apartment in a high-rise uptown — taking on an admiration for the colour blue and puppies with luscious white fur long before plants, butter cream frosting and egyptian cotton sheets were to stand alongside them.

a maternal aunt had been the kids’ guardian while their parents worked during the day and early evening, suppers and bedtimes perhaps the most time they’d spend together on a given day, though that did not take away from seulie’s idolization of her eomma and appa. because efforts were always made to connect with their children, the occasional weekend outing an apology for their late hours and almost constant exhaustion.

she began her years of education in a uniform with a black sweater and skirt and a periwinkle button-up, a ribbon tying her bangs back subsequently matching the latter. eager to learn and meet new people, her first day of school was invigorating for her five year old self, which would remain constant as the years went by.

her parents had a happy marriage, which continues now, and are the source of seulie’s dreams for a relationship in the future. in fact, it was due to their strong relationship that upon her husband being offered a higher position in the korean-based company he worked for at their branch in san francisco’s financial district, her mother was the first to suggest moving - completely ecstatic in the matter - which led to the nams leaving ulsan for america when she was thirteen years old.

luckily, her parents enrolled both her and her brother in a school with a program for international students with little knowledge of english. while they understood the language quite well all things considered — perhaps from watching popular american shows while growing up — yeseul and taeil spoke it minimally.

thus the younger would end up spending an extra year in the program at her own accord, wishing to become more knowledgeable before being thrown into high school, entering at fifteen years old as opposed to fourteen.

she found the institution to be more complex than she would have preferred; while courses such as biology and pre-calculus were not troubling, she faltered in english and american history, albeit due to circumstance. so she was quiet and focused, it felt as though it was all that she really could be in this situation and it soon became her high school persona.

her brother often played protector when she was a child, from the rude upperclassman who shoved her off of their swing to the boy next door who laughed at her sobs upon falling off of her bike and skinning her knee on the sidewalk. she never asked that of him, he never made a vow to do so; it was merely an unspoken dynamic that remained even when her first girlfriend broke her heart by stringing her and her best friend along in junior year, remembering vividly taeil’s venomous words being spewed in the hallway of an acquaintance’s house party.

a girl as plush as the throw pillows on her double sized mattress, a slight evolution took charge as she transitioned into adulthood. with her kindness not being thwarted, she felt as though the dissolution of her naiveté, of her careful approach to much of the world around her, was necessary. these things do not happen overnight, as she had come to realize while standing in the middle of a friend’s older brother’s house party. any boldness that she had while standing on the doorstep dissipated at the sight of college kids all but forced to press against one another in the living room that reeked of pot, unintentionally listening to barely audible moans beneath the loud music that came from an unguarded upstairs bedroom. thus, after a couple of months of pushing her own boundaries — frequenting keggers with friends and the like — even seulie noticed that she had eased into a more outgoing and adventurous persona. she allowed most of her inhibitions to crumble and her confidence to grow, seemingly proud of the shift and rightfully so.

commencing her four year attendance at pennbrooke — far from the familiar alleyways of san francisco — she was determined to be one of the few who sail through university without the burden of uncertainty weighing them down. from a young age, she had an interest in both the humanities and science, a curious child endlessly fascinated by fiction and fact, the reasons for human behaviour and for life itself. thus this led to her proficiency in such subjects, in combination with being a high achiever it resulted in obtaining excellent grades in those courses.

this would edge her in the direction of longing to understand society and those suffering within it. uncovering varying family and sexual dynamics in, as well as values specific to, all cultures intrigued her, so much so that she often found herself reading journals about such topics when her homework for the next morning had since been completed.

she eventually came to the conclusion that garnering a knowledge in the differences of individuals and society’s effect on and reaction to them was something she wished to endure, especially if it helped people like her; perhaps she wasn’t an immigrant in the way that many others were, with her father having moved to america — and the family following — for an already acquired position in his company, however she still reaped the benefits of some narrow-minded individuals mocking her slight accent or much worse. her identity was split in two to accommodate her past in ulsan and her present and future in san francisco, and yet she felt a disconnect on both ends — knowing she’d be rejected by some of her beloved elders in her hometown for not following a more traditional and exclusive set of values, while either not being enough of or being too much of a stereotype to fellow classmates. it was for those reasons primarily that she wanted to study sociology, specifically social inequalities, and to hopefully pursue a career in such.

college was what she would consider her sexual liberation, much like other students. where high school was pivotal for first loves and long lasting friendships, post-secondary was a hub for flings and fleeting emotional attachments. of course, this was ideal for a girl who wished to invest in a relationship when it felt right, as though it would not simply be for someone’s thrill of the chase or in conjunction with half-assed efforts in building upon a connection. and with her ability to separate sex from love — unless the latter arose somewhere down the line organically — it didn’t take her long to dive into the realm of meaningless hookups in the winter semester of freshman year and subsequently deal with their aftermath. she had never intended to sink her proverbial claws into the soft skin of her lovers and lead them along, however such would often be the outcome and by the end of her sophomore year, she’d come to accept that — even embrace it. now her reputation is more than confusing to some, the laidback and seemingly kind-hearted girl seducing others only to lead them astray being a little farfetched. maybe it was the new role to assume that lessened the guilt over time, an unexplored dynamic that made her more than comfortable with the slight burden she had to bare to continue her escapades.

currently she embodies a charisma chocked full of sincerity and gentle bluntness, while teasing friends and hookups alike in various ways. she’s able to remain calm and collected in conflict, though she may become defensive if it involves her loved ones or if it’s courtesy of someone who disrespects her or another’s boundaries. in moments of stress, she is actively trying to stay calm if it warrants such a response, in her eyes; for instance, a short deadline for a research paper or the disappearance of her mother’s engagement ring would lead to those attempts.

she considers the temptress within to be an alter ego as opposed to a variation of herself; where she normally attempts to think decisions through, she is impulsive and tactless under these circumstances, prioritizing her own pleasure and desires above all else.

she loves love, hence why she wishes to pursue such a thing after college, when people tend to take it more seriously. it doesn’t hinder her from helping her friends, more than willing to find suitable partners for them, however she’s quick to talk them out of it if it seems like a mistake that will only hurt them in the end.

seulie enjoys compliments, giving and receiving them, however she is often quick to deflect most of the latter. she doesn’t seek praise only to respond in a false humble manner, but simply to know if she’s doing something correctly or if it’s appreciated by others; thus if one compliments her on perhaps her beauty, she tends to insist otherwise — at least initially.

she despises individuals who don’t respect boundaries, and due to fragments of her sex life spilling from the lips of some past lovers, she often attracts such people and has no qualms about putting them in their place. she also dislikes avocados, soap operas and birkenstocks - she simply doesn’t understand their appeal - as well as dismissive, argumentative and/or obnoxious people.

#╳┊: — just to feel it in my fingers. •「 ooc. 」#thegreeksooc

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neurodiversitysci · 7 years

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An inside view of ADHD: What your doctor probably didn’t tell you

This started life as a more accessible version of my ADHD list for writers, and turned into a two-part series. That’s how ADHD works sometimes.

This is part 2.

1. ADHD is an executive function disability.

Executive function is hard to define, even for researchers. However, all agree it’s a set of skills that let us control our behavior and respond flexibly to a changing environment. Executive function skills include:

Executive functions are like the conductor in an orchestra, while the different parts of our brains are the musicians.

Each musician in the orchestra plays beautifully alone. But to sound good when playing together, they need a conductor. The conductor keeps them playing with the same timing and the same style.

Similarly, each part of our brain functions pretty well independently. But when we need to do a new or complex task, we need multiple parts to work together with the right timing. To do that, we need executive functions.

2. We may have a distinctive way of thinking and talking.

People with ADHD might think in a web instead of a straight line. Here’s a blog post that illustrates the difference.

Each connection between ideas is logical, but because we zigzag through it, our train of thought looks disorganized to people without ADHD who do not share our “mental map” of the world.

We move through our mental web through associations.

A stray thought, another person’s words, or something we see or hear can remind us of something else. Because we’re easily distracted, we often go off on tangents. Because we have poor short term memory, we then forget what we were talking about previously.

We also talk fast, trying to pack all the necessary background information in our web into the shortest amount of time, before people get impatient.

As a result, when we talk to people without ADHD, both people often get frustrated.

But before you blame yourself and apologize for the communication problem, know that nothing is smoother and more energizing than a conversation between people with ADHD who think this way!

It feels exhilarating, and the energy builds increasingly as we talk. Everything the other person says makes perfect sense. We can go on for hours and never run out of things to say (or return to the topic we started with). We can finally be ourselves and talk comfortably, without worrying about irritating or confusing the other person.

Another positive to our thinking style: it’s ideal for “divergent thinking,” for making creative associations that wouldn’t occur to most people.

Priti Shah’s research team finds that ADHD adults excel at certain types of divergent thinking, which can help them outperform neurotypicals on both creativity tests and real-world creative achievement.

3. ADHD is a production disability, not a learning disability.

Because we think in a non-linear fashion, it’s harder and more time-consuming to explain our thoughts to other people. You first have to figure out what to say (and what not to), and put it in an order other people will understand, before you can speak or write.

If the inside of your head looked like this, you’d have trouble communicating your thoughts, too!

That means that deadlines are a lot harder for us to meet, even if we can remember them (a big if!).

ADHD is often categorized as a learning disability in education systems, but that’s a mistake. Many of us have no difficulty getting information into our brains. Our difficulty is with production: expressing what we know by a deadline, in the correct format.

Some consequences of this:

1) A person with ADHD may well be brilliant in class discussions and in-class quizzes, but perform poorly on long-term papers and presentations. It’s because of how our brain works, not because of the amount of effort we put in!

2) For a person with ADHD, the content of schoolwork is easy, and if we turn it in on time we’ll get an A. But turning it in is harder than the homework itself.

3) As a result, we have an all or nothing pattern of achievement. We either ace or fail assignments depending on whether we manage to turn them in on time and format them correctly.

4) We also have all or nothing effort. There’s no way to gradate effort because if we put less effort in, we won’t finish and turn in the assignment at all. People often say “just do the minimum,” but that doesn’t work for us.

4. What other people think is “hard” is often easy for us, and what they think is “easy” is often hard.

Homework isn’t the only case where the “hard” part is easy for us, and the “easy part” is hard.

Free to Be says:

I have difficulty with some of the boring paper shuffling tasks but am really good at creating websites, brainstorming, creating presentations and new systems. Does anyone out there feel that people treat you as less intelligent because we have difficulty with simple tasks?

I wrote a post discussing “the complex is simple, the simple is complex” phenomenon here.

5. Boredom is torture, and we get bored REALLY easily.

Boredom feels like Chinese water torture. Every second is a drop of water.

Boredom feels like being in a sensory deprivation tank. You feel like you’re going crazy.

All of us find boredom more painful than the average person. But we vary in how often we experience boredom, and how we deal with it.

Some are constantly bored, and highly aware of their search for stimulation. Others, like me, think they’re never bored, because they always keep themselves occupied.

In my youth, I always carried a book to read and a sketchbook to write in, and I’d read even while crossing the street. At the breakfast table, if conversation was impossible, I would read the cereal box.

Only when I started learning to cook did I realize that I can get bored and desperate to wander off within less than 30 seconds.

6. We often have bad memory.

I’m not sure why, but people with ADHD often have a bad memory.

In particular, our memories aren’t useful or deliberate. That is, we can remember random details from our childhood or trivia about our interests. But we have trouble remembering what we did on a particular day, when someone’s birthday is, or even our own phone number.

Poor working memory is common, and linked to lower brain activity than neurotypicals in the frontal lobe.

Having a bad memory affects more than academics:

We might be constantly writing things down.

We might worry about how to organize this record of our lives, and what would happen if it were destroyed in a natural disaster.

We might worry about whether anything we experience is “real” or meaningful if we’re almost guaranteed to forget it.

7. We have especially bad prospective memory, which is remembering to remember.

One of my most frustrating ADHD difficulties is my failure to “remember to remember.”

Without extensive strategies to remind myself, I remember errands I need to run at times I can’t do them, and forget about them when I can.

When I was a kid, my mom tried to teach me the strategy of “when you’re angry, count to 10 before you do anything.” I couldn’t use the strategy because when I was actually angry, I wouldn’t remember the strategy existed.

Thus, we ironically forget to take stimulant medication for the very reasons we need it in the first place!

8. A double bind: We need habits to function, but have trouble making them.

Because we can’t “remember to remember,” we have trouble making new habits. We can’t consistently remember the habit at the time we’re supposed to do it.

That’s a problem because habits make everything easier for us.

When tasks are automatic, we don’t have to make decisions and use executive functions--the things people with ADHD struggle with most.

9. We can’t process visual clutter well.

In everyday terms, “visual clutter” is when there’s so many objects with so many colors, textures, and shapes that all your brain stops seeing any of the things. All it sees is an undifferentiated mass of “stuff.”

Researchers have a slightly different definition of clutter, measuring small decreases in response time and accuracy rather than the experience of “objects turning into a mass of stuff.” But they find that neurotypicals have trouble processing visual clutter, too.

People with ADHD just have more difficulty processing clutter in everyday life, produce more of it, and have more difficulty cleaning it up.

10. It’s hard to remind ourselves to do things without creating visual clutter.

Some people mistakenly think putting post-its everywhere will solve our “remembering to remember” problems--even people with ADHD.

But too many post-its become visual clutter.

We might stop looking at them to protect ourselves from being overwhelmed.

Or, we might be so overloaded by clutter that we look right at them and don’t register their existence.

Visual clutter paradoxes apply to more than just post-it notes.

If objects in my home aren’t visible, I forget that they exist. They don’t even need to be in the back of a closet; they can be in an opaque drawer or even a shelf I don’t use all the time. I even forget about food in the back of the refrigerator sometimes.

So, you would think I need to make all my things visible. But then I still can’t see them, because they just look like clutter.

(You would think the solution would be to get rid of most of my stuff. But the decisions involved would take hours and leave me exhausted. Remember, clutter is just un-made decisions).

11. Organizing our lives is harder for us than for most people because we keep running into double binds.

We’ve just discussed some double binds people with ADHD run into when they try to organize themselves:

We need habits, but have trouble making them.

We need visual reminders, but too many of them just turns into clutter we can’t process.

We only remember what we own if it’s visible, but we can’t process any of our things if too many are visible.

We need to own few objects so as to avoid clutter, but it takes a difficult, exhausting amount of executive function to get rid of extra stuff.

As a result:

We often put huge amounts of effort into making our time and space organized, and still fail.

Most ADHD adults research, invent, and tinker with organizational systems our whole lives. Most don’t work because of these double binds, and we keep changing or replacing them. This can look, or be, inefficient.

Well-meaning advice from well-meaning friends, family, and coworkers doesn’t work and leaves everyone frustrated.

Even advice from professional organizers and life coaches might not work well if they aren’t trained in dealing with the double binds created by ADHD.

12. Look at both extremes.

Some of us can multitask well, but are terrible at focusing on one thing. Some, like me, are the opposite.

Some of us feel stifled by structure, while others, like me, try to plan everything in advance. The first type of person fits many people’s stereotypes of ADHD people as “spontaneous” and “disorganized.” But because of ADHD, I rely on routines and schedules to function.

Some of us have IQ in the “gifted range” (top 2% or so), while others have low IQ and severe developmental delays (children who are born prematurely, get lead poisoning, or have fetal alcohol syndrome often have ADHD).

Some of us can see the big picture brilliantly, but miss many important details. Others focus intensely on the details but lose the big picture. Others, like me, can do either, but not both at once.

Some of us are artists, some are scientists, some are both.

We can be the best students or the worst.

We can be social butterflies or socially awkward penguins.

13. We’re consistently inconsistent.

Our functioning is inconsistent from day to day and even moment to moment. Not surprisingly, we fear that others will fire us or reject us because we’re unreliable.

But also, we may feel that we can’t rely on ourselves. This diminishes our confidence, motivation, and self-esteem.

If we feel unable to rely on ourselves, we might feel that we have to rely on other people. We might resent our dependence, and fear that if we mess up one too many times, they will leave us.

Research calls our inconsistency “intra-individual variability.” Ironically, they find that inconsistency ranks among the most consistently observed ADHD traits.

14. When life gets hard, we can stop being able to do things we “know how” to do.

When our lives are going well and the people in our lives support us, we often function well in school, at work, and in our relationships. Some of us do so well that our ADHD is invisible.

But when difficult life transitions happen, some of us seem to suddenly fall apart. I call this “hitting the wall,” and Laurie Dupar calls it a “tipping point.”

Basically, we can no longer compensate for our disabilities, because we no longer have the time or energy to use the strategies that worked for us in the past. In fact, our old strategies might even be counterproductive. Our ADHD traits become more obvious, and we stop being able to do things we could before.

Common tipping points include:

going to college

being promoted at work

marrying

having a baby

going through menopause.

ADHD can turn even the joyous milestones of life into a struggle.

15. Many of us develop anxiety.

More than half of us develop anxiety.

We’re prone to overthinking, and may have trouble controlling our thoughts.

We have to worry about others misunderstanding us and calling us lazy, stupid, flaky, or rude.

We are inconsistent, and worry about the effects on ourselves and others.

Some of us develop an exhausting habit of “constant vigilance” to avoid making ADHD mistakes like losing things, forgetting belongings, running late, math/writing errors, etc.

16. We usually have other conditions along with ADHD.

People with ADHD are more likely to...

Have other developmental disabilities, such as autism.

Have learning disabilities, such as dyslexia, dyscaluclia, or nonverbal learning disability.

Have difficulties with sensory and motor processing, such as sensory processing disorder and dyspraxia.

Develop mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, and bipolar disorder.

Have certain physical and neurological disorders, such as tics/Tourette’s syndrome or night-time bedwetting ( “enuresis”) into late childhood or adolescence.

As children, exhibit behavioral problems, which may be diagnosed as so-called “oppositional defiant disorder.”

Self-medicate to the point of developing substance abuse, such as alcohol or nicotine dependence.

Personally, I believe that our difficulties with self-regulation go way beyond high-level abilities like executive function.

We have difficulty regulating even the most primitive brain functions (such as maintaining alertness). Some of us even have difficulty maintaining homeostasis of bodily functions.

For example, I overreact to small changes in light, atmospheric pressure, temperature, blood sugar, hunger, thirst, or sleep, with migraines, pain, fatigue, irritability, and difficulty thinking and moving quickly.

Difficulties regulating sleep, including falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up well-rested, correlate with and probably explain some ADHD symptoms.

(For this reason, anyone evaluating someone for ADHD should always inquire about sleep, because some people may look like they have ADHD when they don’t purely because of chronic lack of sleep! But people with ADHD also often have sleep difficulties).

In other words, if someone has ADHD, they probably also have disabilities or difficulties with self-regulation that affect other areas of life.

17. Our family members are likely to have ADHD or autism, diagnosed or otherwise.

Many people report being diagnosed with ADHD after their own children were diagnosed.

ADHD is highly heritable, meaning that it’s highly likely that someone with ADHD traits will have children, and parents, with similar traits.

The same genes can also predispose someone to both ADHD and autism. So families that contain autistic people often contain people with ADHD, and vice versa. My own family is one of these.

18. Not everyone with ADHD views their condition the same way.

Some of us see ADHD as uniformly disabling. They believe it prevents us from using our talents and passions.

Others see ADHD as a gift that must be managed.

People with each of these viewpoints sometimes see the opposite as harmful to people with ADHD.

Still others view ADHD as a trait like any other, which can have positive or negative effects depending on how one chooses to use it and whether it fits the environment.

Personally, I see ADHD, in general, as a set of traits. However, I see my own as mostly negative. I like my creativity and ability to hyperfocus. However, I believe my ADHD traits interfere with using my talents, and would be impairing in any environment. (What benefit could inconsistency and self-regulation difficulties possibly have, in any environment?) But there are environments where my ADHD traits would be less disabling, and I’m trying to find and create them.

19. ADHD can be a serious disability.

On the surface, ADHD looks like something “everyone deals with.” But as this list suggests, it can cause serious problems in school, work, and relationships.

The large-scale MTA study followed hundreds of girls and boys with ADHD into adulthood, and found the following outcomes:

Higher rates of self-injury and mental illness

More adolescent substance use

More eating disorders

Poorer relationships with peers in adolescence

Poorer relationships with parents and partners in young adulthood

ADHD has also been linked to:

Lower test performance

Poorer education and work performance

Greater risk of accidents

Obesity

Researchers and the media tend to describe these problems as the result of ADHD traits themselves, especially impulsivity.

But I believe the way we treat people with ADHD has a lot to do with the bad outcomes.

Many of us, especially those diagnosed late in life, develop crippling shame and self-hatred. This alone can lead to poor school performance, mental illness, substance abuse, relationship difficulties, and underachievement at work.

20. But people with ADHD are awesome!

People with ADHD can be creative, energetic, passionate, thoughtful, smart, academically skilled, empathetic, spontaneous, entrepreneurial, and more.

Famous people in every walk of life have diagnosed ADHD, and many past geniuses had traits.

Like other disabilities, ADHD colors how we experience and act in the world, and it adds unique struggles to our lives. But ADHD does not diminish us or make us less human.

***

Thank you for reading. If this post helped you understand ADHD better, please share it. Let me know if I’ve missed important ways ADHD has affected your life.

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builderssurplus · 7 years

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HGTV is not real life. Plain and simple. The TV part of HGTV is sometimes forgotten when well meaning homeowners obsessively watch their favorite show. As a company that sells remodeling materials as well as preforms installations, the notions that HGTV can give homeowners can have real consequences. The expectations of those getting a remodel are very skewed from the way things work in the real world. But it’s not their fault! This is “reality TV” right? It’s supposed to be REALITY. But, as the last 15 years have taught us, reality TV is only partially real. It is skillfully edited, with professional “talent” and just the right customer so that the end result is always perfect. I’m here to show you the differences between real life and HGTV when it comes to a remodel. Let the truth commence.

How Can HGTV Give You The Wrong Idea?

Remodels don’t take 2 weeks.

This is probably the biggest issue that occurs from watching too much HGTV. You believe that there is a quick, set time frame that is always achieved. That is simply not the case. You may see 5 people working on the job, but they really have 30 behind the scenes, and they are working around the clock. In real life, this is a process, not an event. When doing a major remodel such as a kitchen or bathroom, there are so many moving parts. Multiples trades are typically trying to coordinate their schedules. If the electric has an issue, that has to be done before the drywall can be fixed. That has to be done before cabinetry is installed, which has to be done before countertops can be installed. If one of the trades gets backed up, doesn’t show up, or messes up, your entire timeline has been pushed back.

Custom or semi-custom cabinets typically take a MINIMUM of 3 weeks, typically 4-5 just to come in. As I mentioned above, you can’t get countertops installed until cabinets are installed. Countertops have to be templated before they are made, so that process can take several weeks as well. AND WE HAVEN’T INSTALLED A THING YET! You can see how this time table is quite different than what you see on HGTV.

Because of this, plan ahead! Don’t start your remodeling process November 1st and expect it to be complete by Thanksgiving. It’s never too soon to get the pieces in place if you know you want to remodel. Also, have realistic expectations for your installers! Many people assume you can get a tile job done in one day, but there are many steps that need to be completed, like letting the tile dry for several days, then grouting and letting that dry, and then cleaning and sealing. Many of the other installation processes are more complex than you realize. Don’t give your installers unrealistic deadlines, or the work could come out rushed, or you will be disappointed when it’s not done on time.

Things go wrong more often than not.

Some HGTV shows are better about this than others, but in the majority of remodels, you will encounter problems. This could be something like your cabinets being damaged in transit. Because they are custom or semi-custom, those cabinets have to be remade, and will take the same amount of time to come in as your original order, which could push your timeline several weeks. You could find plumbing or electrical issues behind your walls. You could have structural issues that need to be addressed. There are so many unexpected circumstances that could happen in a remodel that may not only cost you time, but money as well. YOU NEED TO HAVE A CONTINGENCY FUND. Don’t every spend all your money on the remodel. Set some aside for issues that may be unseen.

Contractors generally don’t act the same as they do on TV.

While the contractors on HGTV are real contractors, they have shows because they are charismatic and good on camera. The process of working with a real contractor could be much different. Don’t expect them to choose your materials and color schemes, or add that “little something extra” they knew you’d love. While there are many great, quality contractors out there, you could have a hard time just getting one to call you back. Or, showing up on time. Then, making sure the work is up to par or that anything that is damaged is also repaired. That is why finding a quality installation team is so important, which is why our installation crews are professional and easy to work with. Do your homework before hiring someone and realize that contractors on TV are there because they’re good for TV.

TV prices are often not real life prices.

Remodeling networks many times will partner with advertisers that will include free materials for the show. Contractors will work at a lower rate for TV publicity. Main components of the remodel are often discussed, but many large items are left out, such as permits, demo, plumbing, electric, testing older homes for lead paint or asbestos, HVAC issues, and structural issues. They also seem to leave out many of the smaller finishing items as well, such as prep work, paint, moulding and casing, baseboards, trim, etc. The cost of those items can really add up in a remodel, so do expect to pay more than what you would see on TV. This is not always the case, but the majority of the time, the amount of work that goes into one of these properties would cost much more in the real world.

Not Every Project Gets the BIG Return On Investment.

If you were to remodel your house strictly by watching HGTV, you would assume that you need granite or quartz countertops, custom cabinets, real hardwood floor, stainless steel appliances, to change your floor plan, and redo all your bathrooms. Depending on where you live in the country, and what neighborhood you are in, some of these updates could be major overkill. If you plan on staying in your home for life, by all means, do whatever makes you happy. But, if you plan to sell, make sure that you only do updates that will get you your money back, and more.

These are just a few things that we’ve noticed are not always accurate on stations such as HGTV. Their goal is not to mislead you, it’s to entertain you, so always remember that. They are using creative license the same way any other television production would. Do your research before starting any project and remember that HGTV is not real life.

Builders Surplus is a full service renovation company with locations in Louisville, Kentucky, and Newport, Kentucky, which also serves Cincinnati, Ohio. We are one of the leading providers of kitchen remodeling, bathroom remodeling, flooring and tile installations, windows and doors in Louisville, Newport, and Cincinnati. We specialize in interior design, kitchen design, bathroom remodel, building materials, and home improvement. Interior Design and measurements come as a free service to our clients. We sell building materials ranging in every price point, from unfinished kitchen cabinets to top of the line Wellborn cabinets. In addition to interior design, we also offer installation services. If you have any questions or would like to set up a free design consultation with one of our interior designers, we would encourage you to do so. We love sharing our knowledge with clients & potential home renovators. We write about interior design, home decor, decorating ideas, and home improvement. We hope you’ll check back in for our next article! Happy Renovation!

Written By: Allie Bloyd

The post Why HGTV is NOT Real Life Remodeling appeared first on Builders Surplus.

#Allie's Blogs #Remodeling Resources #contractors #HGTV #hgtv remodel #reality tv #Remodel #remodelin

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