#and I’ve already decreased in effort

[thymewayster]

Really good Twitter thread originally about Elon Musk and Twitter, but also applies to Netflix and a lot of other corporations.

Full thread. Text transcription under cut.

John Bull @garius

One of the things I occasionally get paid to do by companies/execs is to tell them why everything seemed to SUDDENLY go wrong, and subs/readers dropped like a stone. So, with everything going on at Twitter rn, time for a thread about the Trust Thermocline /1

So: what's a thermocline?

Well large bodies of water are made of layers of differing temperatures. Like a layer cake. The top bit is where all the the waves happen and has a gradually decreasing temperature. Then SUDDENLY there's a point where it gets super-cold.

That suddenly is important. There's reasons for it (Science!) but it's just a good metaphor. Indeed you may also be interested in the "Thermocline of Truth" which a project management term for how things on a RAG board all suddenly go from amber to red.

But I digress. The Trust Thermocline is something that, over (many) years of digital, I have seen both digital and regular content publishers hit time and time again. Despite warnings (at least when I've worked there). And it has a similar effect. You have lots of users then suddenly... nope. And this does effect print publications as much as trendy digital media companies. They'll be flying along making loads of money, with lots of users/readers, rolling out new products that get bought. Or events. Or Sub-brands.

And then SUDDENLY those people just abandon them. Often it's not even to "new" competitor products, but stuff they thought were already not a threat. Nor is there lots of obvious dissatisfaction reported from sales and marketing (other than general grumbling). Nor is it a general drift away, it's just a sudden big slide. So why does this happen? As I explain to these people and places, it's because they breached the Trust Thermocline.

I ask them if they'd been increasing prices. Changed service offerings. Modified the product.

The answer is normally: "yes, but not much. And everyone still paid" Then I ask if they did that the year before. Did they increase prices last year? Change the offering? Modify the product?

Again: "yes, but not much."

The answer is normally: "yes, but not much. And everyone still paid." "And the year before?"

"Yes but not much. And everyone still paid."

Well, you get the idea. And here is where the Trust Thermocline kicks in. Because too many people see service use as always following an arc. They think that as long as usage is ticking up, they can do what they like to cost and product.

And (critically) that they can just react when the curve flattens But with a lot of CONTENT products (inc social media) that's not actually how it works. Because it doesn't account for sunk-cost lock-in.

Users and readers will stick to what they know, and use, well beyond the point where they START to lose trust in it. And you won't see that. But they'll only MOVE when they hit the Trust Thermocline. The point where their lack of trust in the product to meet their needs, and the emotional investment they'd made in it, have finally been outweighed by the physical and emotional effort required to abandon it. At this point, I normally get asked something like:

"So if we undo the last few changes and drop the price, we get them back?"

And then I have to break the news that nope: that's not how it works.

Because you're past the Thermocline now. You can't make them trust you again.

#netflix #twitter #economics #corporations #social media

[ilongfor-the-arts]

This idea came to me as I was watching Below Deck! Carmy as a yacht chef and reader is the chief stew. Enemies to lovers vibes!

Below Deck

Pairing: Carmen Berzatto x fem! Reader

Warnings: language, semi public kissing, angst

Summary: *in req*

Word Count: 3.1k

“Alright chef, what do we have here?”

I inquired, my eyes glazing over the vast array of delectable dishes.

“We’ve made kobe steaks with a demi-glace. And creamy pesto shrimp.”

I nodded.

“Hm. Looks good.”

I twisted my head to meet Carmen's gaze, hands on my hips. Carmen and I hadn’t exactly seen eye to eye throughout the duration of our employment on this yacht. However, I am impressed with his efforts thus far. I can only hope and pray that he does not give me an excuse to become irritated.

“What are you thinking of making for the vegetarian option?”

Carmen cocked an eyebrow.

“The pesto shrimp.”

There you have it. He just gave me a reason to be annoyed.

“Carmen, shrimp isn’t vegetarian.”

He furrowed his brow.

“Nah, shrimp is vegetarian.”

My face grew hot with rage.

“Carmen, shrimp is pescatarian!”

Carmen cocked an eyebrow. My jaw dropped. Was he being serious?

“Oh. My. God.”

I rubbed my eyes. My day has already been challenging. The last thing I needed was for this moron to ruin the excellent system I had set up.

“Carmen, we have close to fifty guests on this yacht that don’t eat meat or fish!”

I looked at my watch. My jaw dropped. Time was ticking away, and dinner for fifty guests had yet to be prepared.

“Shit. Dinner is supposed to be served in 45 minutes.”

I muttered under my breath. I wiped my brow with my hand, trying to keep my cool in front of his kitchen staff. If we were alone, he would feel the full force of my rage.

“You need to make a completely new dish with no meat and no shellfish in 45 minutes.”

Carmen's eyes narrowed. He had absolutely no reason to be upset with me. It is not my fault that he does not understand the distinction between a pescatarian and a vegetarian..

“I don’t know if I-”

“Carmen.”

I said sternly, cutting him off.

“You screwed up, and now you have to fix this. I expect fifty plates of a brand new vegetarian dish in 45 minutes. I don’t care how the hell you get it done, but it needs to be done, and it needs to taste amazing.”

Carmen gritted his teeth.

“Yknow, Y/N, I’m getting real sick of this fuckin’ shit.”

I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest in frustration.

“Sick of what shit?! You messed up, not me! It’s not my fault you’re a complete idiot who doesn’t know the difference between a pescatarian and a vegetarian!”

Carmen took a step forward, decreasing the gap between us.

“Not just this, you’ve been out to fuckin’ get me the entire time I’ve been on this goddamn boat! I’m sick of your attitude, and I’m sick of you praying for my fuckin’ downfall!”

He repeatedly thrust his finger at me, emphasizing his exasperation. I stood my ground, not faltering.

"Look," I said, moving in closer to whisper. The soft clanging of pots and pans stopped as the majority of the kitchen staff listened intently to our conversation.

“I’m sorry that I won’t sit here and kiss your ass. You’ve been screwing up. When you do things, you do them extremely well. But you need to learn how to listen. I won’t pretend you’re amazing if you’re not.”

Carmen's tough exterior had cracked just enough to show his discomfort.

“I am not praying for your downfall, but if you don’t start listening, I won’t hesitate to find someone else.”

Carmen sighed with aggravation.

“You’re a royal fucking bitch, y’know that?”

I waved my hand through the air, dismissing his previous comment.

“You can think I’m a bitch all you want. It doesn’t change the fact that we need fifty vegetarian dishes in-”

I checked my watch.

“40 minutes. If I were you, I’d stop wasting time and get cooking, alright? I’m not gonna sit here and let you make me look bad.”

Carmen locked his gaze on mine. The tension in the air was palpable. This was a competition. A competition I was most definitely not losing. He held my gaze. Time passed at an agonizingly slow pace. But I was not fazed. He eventually realized the jig was up. Carmen sighed deeply, his gaze rapidly shifting away from mine.

“Alright chefs!”

He called out to his staff.

“We need fifty vegetarian dishes in the next forty minutes. I wanna hear some ideas and see some seriously good shit being made!”

I smiled, pleased that I had won the battle. I stepped onto the deck, ready to greet the yacht's numerous guests. The rest of the day was a blur.

The number of times I heard, "Y/N, have you done this yet?"

“Y/N, I need this done right now!”

“Y/N, I need this.”

“Y/N, I need that!”

“Y/N, where’s the owner?”

By the end of the day, my head felt like it was going to explode. I had heard my name so frequently that by the time I was given a break, it irritated me.

I found a secluded area of the dock away from the party's hustle and bustle. I sat in one of the lounge chairs, resting not only my body but my mind as well. I rubbed my temples, trying to work out the various knots that had formed in my brain.

I cast my eyes out onto the breathtaking South Pacific. Wow. What a luxury it would be if I was free from work! What a wonderful life I would have if my only goal was to gaze out onto this beautiful water and drink fruity little drinks with a handsome man by my side.

But, alas, here I am, enjoying my brief respite before the owner summons me.

“What are you doin’ out here?”

My heart leaped. I turned around to reveal the source of the voice, Carmen Berzatto. He stood there with a smug expression on his face, his white chef's apron splattered with various stains.

“What, did Claire not give you enough shit to do?”

He asked, pulling a box of cigarettes from the pocket of his apron. I rolled my eyes.

“She said I could take a break while the guests enjoyed their dinner.”

Carmen popped a cigarette into his mouth.

“Don’t you have to make dessert soon?”

I inquired, hoping to provide an excuse for him to leave. He hummed, cupping his hand around the butt of the cigarette to keep the lighter's flame from blowing out.

“Nah. When dinner’s almost over, I’ll start cooking something up. So, I reckon I got about thirty to forty five minutes?”

The cigarette bounced between his lips as he spoke.

“Did you come out here just to annoy me?”

Carmen scoffed, rolling up his sleeves to reveal his inked forearms. I could not help but glaze my eyes over the various tattoos. I wonder if they have any significance.

“Don’t flatter yourself. I came out here because I knew it would be quiet.”

I sighed with exasperation.

“I did as well. I suppose I thought wrong.”

He glanced at me.

“I whipped something together for the vegetarians.”

I nodded.

“Good.”

Carmen scoffed with annoyance.

“No need to thank me.”

Carmen chuckled, taking a long drag of his cigarette before removing it and blowing the cloud of smoke into the crystal clear air. I rolled my eyes.

“I shouldn’t have to thank you after you did what you’re being paid to do. Maybe if you listened and did everything right the first time, I would thank you for your efficiency. But I’m not going to thank you for stressing me out and nearly making me look like a disorganized moron.”

Carmen gritted his teeth.

“Well, Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Y/N, at least give me a little credit! I worked my fuckin’ ass off and prepared fifty vegetarian dishes in forty minutes with no recipe!”

He stated firmly. He would be shouting if his volume rose a few decibels.

“I mean, would it fuckin’ kill you to lose your bitch tendencies for a couple seconds and say thank you?!”

Carmen was flailing his hands around, wisps of smoke trailing the end of his cigarette.

I clenched my teeth. I was so enraged that steam was escaping from my ears. I was tempted to speak. But I was afraid of what might come out. So I simply bit my tongue and averted my gaze.

Instead, I observed the guests rushing around the lower deck. I watched them drink, eat, and laugh. I imagined what they were discussing.

Perhaps the dapper, older gentleman in the blue suit had just returned from his daughter's wedding..

Maybe the young blonde lady in the red dress had a fantastic date last week.

Perhaps the middle-aged man with the big cigar just sold his company.

I tried to push Carmen away from my thoughts. Maybe if I pretended he was not there, he would leave when he realized he was not getting a rise out of me.

“Y’know, it’s unfortunate,” he began.

I jerked my head around to face him. His cigarette had been reduced to a mere inch.

“What is?”

I inquired.

“You’re an attractive lady. You’ve got a drive and passion I admire. You know how to handle yourself.”

He dropped his cigarette, crushing it beneath his shoe.

“I feel like we could be good friends.”

I scoffed loudly.

“Yeah, right, literally all we’ve done so far is butt heads and yell at each other-”

“Alright, alright, so we don’t work well together. But I think, given the right circumstances, we could get along.”

I considered it for a moment. Carmen was undeniably attractive. I also admired his zeal. And, according to what I have heard through the grapevine, he was very respectful of his entire kitchen staff.

“Is this a strange, roundabout way of asking me on a date?”

Carmen shrugged, placing his hands on his hips.

“If I asked, would you accept?”

I shouldn’t. There is no logical explanation as to why I would accept. I hate him. We’ve been quarreling the entire time we’ve been on this ship.

“Yes.”

Carmen cracked a grin.

“Well, then, would you like to go out with me sometime?”

I nodded.

“I think I would like that very much.”

I patted the empty lounge chair across from me.

“Care to sit?”

Carmen accepted.

It was very easy to get sucked into the bustle of the yacht during the day. It was so simple to dismiss Carmen as a person with feelings and instead view him solely as a body hired to complete a task. However, I felt sorry for him after witnessing him in such a private setting.

“Hey, um-I’m sorry I called you an idiot earlier.”

“It’s all good. Don’t sweat it.”

He looked down at the floor.

“I’m-uh-I’m sorry for calling you a royal bitch.”

It was now my turn to chuckle.

“It’s all good. I was kind of being a royal bitch.”

Carmen cracked a smirk and shrugged.

“I mean, I was bein’ a bitch too.”

Carmen twiddled his thumbs.

“Sorry, I got so pissed at you. You were just doin’ your job.”

I shrugged nonchalantly.

“It’s all good. You’ve taken care of it, and the guests are happy. That’s all I care about.”

Our close proximity allowed me to study him. I noticed the numerous cuts on his hands, the ink on his arms, and the sheen of sweat on his brow. He smelled like cigarettes and smoke.

I suddenly felt overdressed in my blazer and heels. I should be wearing a swimsuit and holding a refreshing drink. He should be the one who overdresses. He should be walking along the deck of his yacht in a white button-up and black dress pants, like a true rich man. The sun should feel pleasurable on my bare skin. Instead, I felt hot and suffocated beneath layers of fancy clothing.

I noticed a food speck on his face. Perhaps some sauce. I cupped his face in my hand, rubbing the stain away with my thumb.

Carmen seized. His face grew hot under my touch. I barely noticed, as my brow was furrowed in concentration.

Before I could completely remove the speck, he began to lean in.

I drew back abruptly, my breath catching in my throat.

My heartbeat quickened.

My cheeks turned bright red.

My jaw dropped to the floor.

Was he trying to kiss me?!

A look of realization wafted over Carmen.

“Oh-oh my God, I’m so sorry! Holy shit, I thought you were trynna kiss me!”

Oh my God. He thought-

“Oh! No, no, no no no. I was just trying to get rid of some food on your face!”

Carmen pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Ah! Shit I’m sorry!”

I shook my head, dismissing his apologies.

“You’re fine! You’re totally fine! It was my fault.”

Despite the gentle sound of birds and the bustle of people on the lower deck, an awkward silence ensued. Blush was painfully visible on both of our cheeks. Clearly, we both wanted to forget the discomfort that had just occurred. We didn’t even dare look each other in the eyes.

Then, once the silence had lingered, the mood shifted.

We both sensed it.

We exchanged glances, our demeanors tinged with lust.

I could sense the desire swimming in his eyes.

I straightened my back, hoping to calm the butterflies in my lower abdomen.

Carmen and I cocked our heads to the side, peering into the little living area to ensure no one was loitering as we were easily visible through the sliding glass door.

We locked eyes.

His pupils were now blown out with lust, and only a faint circle of blue could be seen.

“Do-”

I gulped.

“Do you think anyone will see us?”

I whispered.

Carmen shrugged.

“Maybe.”

He spoke in hushed tones.

Whatever.

I practically leapt on him as we locked lips. The tension had been broken. As I straddled his waist, I could feel blood rushing in my ears. My heartbeat quickened to the point where distinct pumps could barely be made out.

I’ve never been this worked up over a man in my life.

Carmen's hands reached my waist. He pulled me closer till there was no more room between us. I sighed deeply into his lips, allowing my rigid form to loosen.

I was a sensible woman.

I never took unnecessary risks.

And I certainly wasn’t one to put my job on the line just so I could make out with the head chef.

But Jesus, there was something about Carmen.

There was something so arousing about how taboo this whole situation was.

He made me want to be so… bad.

I threw my arms around his shoulders, tugging him impossibly closer as his tongue slipped past my teeth. It was instantly a battle for dominance. We were two incredibly passionate people. It wasn’t in our nature to fold.

“God, you have no idea how badly I’ve wanted this.”

He mumbled sexily against my lips.

“You have no idea how long I’ve fantasized about having you on top of me.”

My stomach fluttered. I wonder if he ever thought about me in bed, long after we fought. I wonder if he allowed his calloused fingers to slip below the waistband of his boxers.

I ran my nails along his scalp, eliciting a whimper from the back of his throat.

God, he was sexy.

I shifted my weight slightly atop his lap. My clothed core brushed against his erection. I groaned involuntarily, my hips instantly searching for more friction.

“You make me so hard.”

It wasn't just the heat of the day that was making me sweat. Carmen’s hands traveled toward the waistband of my dress pants.

“Please,” he groaned with desperation, “please, I wanna make you feel good.”

I desperately wanted to throw off all of my stupid fancy clothes and feel the sun on my skin while I rode him like my life depended on it. But, alas, I knew it was neither the right place, nor the right time.

“Carmen, I have to get back to work.”

I uttered between heated kisses.

“Later, though, I promise.”

I climbed off him.

Jesus, bad idea to make out with someone in the middle of a shift. Now, I was uncomfortably wet and far too aroused to finish my day with a clear head.

Well, I suppose that’s the price I pay for throwing every ounce of sensibility out the window.

“What time is it?”

Carmen asked, his chest heaving as he struggled to regain his composure.

I checked my watch. My jaw dropped.

Man, my time management skills were awful today.

“Holy shit it’s been half an hour! Your staff is probably wondering where the hell you’ve been!”

Carmen shot up, running a hand through his unkempt hair.

“Oh my God I still have to make fuckin’ dessert for everyone!”

Although I am all for getting things done on time. Carmen could not go back to work with…

“Y’know, I would advise, um-maybe, going to the bathroom.”

My eyes shot back and forth between his erection and his eyes. Carmen glanced down, immediately getting the memo.

“Shit! Shit, I don’t have fuckin’ time for this!”

I placed my hands on his shoulders to keep him from getting too worked up.

“It’s okay! Just take a deep breath. I’ll tell them you’re dealing with a family emergency or something!”

Carmen shook his head rapidly.

“No, shit! I’m already behind schedule.”

He shrugged my hands off his shoulders.

“I really have to get to the kitchen Y/N.”

He began to walk away, but I grasped his shoulders, spinning his body back around to face me.

“Well, would you rather explain to your staff why you’re late, or why you’re hard.”

Carmen stalled, running his tongue over his lips.

“Yeah, on second thought that’s a good point… alright, we’ll go with your plan.”

I gave him a nod of approval. He turned to leave. But, before entering the small living area, he flipped back to face me.

“Hey, remember to find me later Y/N!”

He shouted.

I recalled our brief, yet passionate moment on the lounge chair. A grin spread slowly over my face.

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t forget!”

#the bear #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto x reader #jeremy allen white x reader #the bear fanfiction #the bear fic #the bear fx #carmy the bear #the bear season 2 #the bear season two #the bear series #the bear s1 #the bear smut #the bear s2 #carmen berzatto x you #carmen berzatto fic #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmy x reader #carmy x you #carmen berzatto the bear

[beck-a-la]

In an effort to finish the sweater I started in January and then abandoned for Other Projects, I’m trying to do “30 Minutes of Knitting Making” a la Knitty Natty. And it’s only been a few days that I’ve been doing it but I’m finding my attention span to be soooo short, even though I have a podcast or something going too. I keep reaching for my phone and then putting it back like “No, bad brain! Focus!”

Anyway, the 30 minutes a day is working - I’ve made a lot more progress already than I expected, and now that I’ve started the decreases it will go even faster. So I’m accomplishing what I set out to do. And maybe I can also do a little brain-training while I’m at it?

#crochet #crochet problems #tunisian crochet #adhd brain #30 minutes of knitting

[senanatheskenana]

Genshin Guys’ Voice Line About Your Death

Kaeya

“What... No- that can’t be right... There must have been a mistake- i’ll go and ask jean myself, im sure she’ll put our worries at ease. No, im not in denial, i-i just think you’re wrong! You have to be.“

Diluc

“I’m still not completely at peace with their... absence. The winery is far too big now and i find it hard to sleep at night without them. But i try my best to keep going for them. It feels marginally better now that i’ve avenged them.“

Venti

“I almost took their form but once i looked at my reflection i found it too painful. I don’t want to be constantly reminded that everything i love leaves... i dont want to move on, i want them back... “

Albedo

“It’s already been a week. Most people would experience a decrease in grief by now. And yet i feel just as horrible as i did when i was first told... I see their face in every drawing, and hear their voice in every storm- it’s torture. “

Xiao

“I don’t wanna talk about it. It feels like if i do i’ll explode. You can join me, but please don't ask me about it while we walk. I don’t want to think about what i’ve lost...“

Tartaglia

“You know, i never thought i’d ever find someone as perfect as them... I fell in love, I brought them to my family... And now, i have to tell them that (Y/N) is never coming back again.“

Zhongli

“I came to terms with the deaths of my friends. I learned to accept the things that cannot be prevented... And yet it still hits me like a landslide and i feel myself being buried alive by my grief. I’m still not sure if i want to pull myself out.“

Kaedehara Kazuha

“Many people believe that once you die your spirit will take the form of a bird. I always promised that when i died, my soul would follow (Y/N) wherever they went in the world. I can only hope their soul will find me soon... Oh, would you look at that, it’s a dove, what is it doing all the way out here, i wonder.“

Thoma

“You know sometimes i still make two plates at breakfast. And i still sleep on the right side of the bed because the other side is theirs. Half of the closet is theirs, half of the garden is theirs- half of me is still theirs, even now...“

Arrataki Itto

“Woah, woah, woah! That’s a pretty heavy joke... Hehe... You- You are joking. Right? Please tell me you’re joking...“

Gorou

“Watatsumi Island buried a brave soldier today. The resistance lost a fighter, we all lost a friend... And i- i lost the only thing i had. You guys head off, i’ll stay here a little longer.... I need to collect myself.“

Kamisato Ayato

“Have you ever tried to keep water in your cupped hands? No matter how hard you try, it will leak, and eventually there will be nothing left. That is how i feel. No matter the effort i spend to keep face, i feel myself showing through the cracks.“

Tighnari

“My kind mate for life. When we find the one, we stay together for as long as time permits, and we love completely and as passionately as we can. Unfortunately i do not believe that any amount of time would have been long enough for me to have accepted their death.“

Cyno

“It’s quiet now. No one laughs at my jokes- there's no jokes for me to laugh at. I’m not even sure if i can think normally anymore. I’m thinking of resigning once again. I need to think about things.“

Scaramouche

“All you humans are weak... But, not- not (Y/N). For the first time i think i understand that love and kindness don't make you weak, but using that to your own advantage does. So i’ll hunt out every one of those bastards and make them beg for death. Then we’ll see who’s weak.“

#genshin headcanons #genshin impact fluff #genshin imagines #genshin impact angst #genshin imapct #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact imagine

[codesandstuffs]

Mcyt Yuri Week - Day 1: Dance

(full fic below the cut, and link to ao3 version here!

hiya @mcyt-yuri-week i hope this fits the prompt alright!)

<File Retrieved...> <Loading...>

MISSION REPORT - 060623 - G SUBMITTED AT 07:09

Target attended gathering at 0158 hours to meet with associates. Multiple suspicious persons seen on location. G and Z tracked target throughout night. At 0232 hours, target approached G and initiated conversation until 0457 hours. Z found multiple encrypted documents at suspected dead drop. Both agents left gathering at 0524 hours.

Further observations detailed below:

████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

<End Of File>

It was with no small amount of trepidation that Gem stepped over the dashed white line that marked the entrance to Olive Point.

This mission had been stalled for over a month by multiple complications, including but not limited to the introduction of a new department head in her agency, but today was the day that she was finally permitted to return to it. It had taken a good amount of paperwork; her new boss had spent a good week rereading all of her work so far and then asking question after question about what she had discovered so far, and then she had to re-sign all of her forms and documents for some clerical reason that her boss hadn’t really bothered to explain.

“Paperwork, you know how it is,” her boss had said, waving her complaints away.

Gem had narrowed her eyes in response. “I do, which is why I’m so confused. I’ve already confirmed I understand my legal limitations and turned that form in. Why do they need it again?”

“If I knew, I’d be in administration, not espionage, wouldn’t I?”

And then she’d received another three forms for her efforts - all of which she was certain she’d signed just days ago - and realised that her boss might just be messing with her at this point.

After that, she’d stopped complaining so much, and the paperwork had dramatically decreased. Gem could pick up a hint.

Finally, she’d been allowed to return to the field, this time attending the same party that her target was attending in hopes of finding some sensitive information. It had been a good month since she had even seen her target. Her stomach was doing flips at the thought of sharing a room with her target at all.

Gem managed to keep a calm composition all the way through the process of entering the club and locating her target, but then -

She had changed.

Last time Gem had seen her target, her hair had been longer and straighter, falling flat around her shoulders like a curtain of silk. And she’d only really seen her in the professional wear she wore on the train and in her workplace, which was where Gem had been situated during her observations last time.

Now, however, her hair was cut and curled so that it hung just above her shoulders, shimmering in the flashing lights of the party as if it was set with stars. Her dress was short and bouncy and pretty and cute. Oh goodness - Gem’s target was cute.

Maybe she should have expected to be surprised to see her wearing anything but sharp navy suits and pressed shirts. Maybe she should have known better than to think her target was just a distant figure, moving about her unchanging life with no care for anything outside of it. Maybe she should have seen the butterflies in her stomach coming.

But when her target looked over at her across the room and gave her a small, friendly smile, she was caught entirely off guard all the same.

Well, fabulous.

Gem was doomed.

-

Gem hadn’t come to the party alone, of course. It would be just suspicious enough to be memorable, and so she had asked her colleague and closest friend Cleo to accompany her for the night. Cleo was better at parties, too - she fit in better with the noise and brashness of the guests, without the more delicate manner Gem usually preferred to wear in her civilian identities - and had even lent her one of her dresses for tonight.

Still, Cleo had left her side after only a few minutes, apparently finding some interest in the bar, leaving Gem to navigate the odd social event that was a late party on her own. It wasn’t that much of an issue, or she would have called Cleo back and suffered the grumbling she’d get in return, but it still did make focusing on her mission a little harder - especially with her newfound distraction.

Her target, however, had apparently noticed her loneliness. She approached Gem a good half an hour after Cleo had vanished, a pair of drinks in her hands and a grin on her face.

“Hello!” she greeted, and Gem almost jumped out of her skin at hearing her voice in person rather than over a transmitted signal from a bug. “I saw your friend ditched you and thought you might want a conversation partner.”

“Oh,” said Gem. She was meant to say more, but the smell of her target’s perfume wiped the words from her brain.

“Would you like one?” Her target offered out one of the glasses. “It’s pineapple flavoured, apparently.”

Gem took the glass and tried to inspect it discreetly. “You haven’t tried it?”

“Don’t tell my friends, but I’m a bit scared to try it myself,” her target said, leaning a little closer and dropping her voice as much as she could over the loud music. “At least if it’s bad, someone else will get to experience the same badness, y’know?”

“That does make sense,” Gem agreed. She swirled the glass a little, before deciding that it looked safe enough. “I’d be honoured to give it a go with you.”

“Perfect!” her target beamed, and then downed the whole glass in one. Unsure if she was meant to do the same in this specific circumstance, Gem followed suit.

“Oh shit,” she said suddenly, “that’s stronger than I expected.”

Her target glanced at her expression and burst into laughter, eyes crinkling up at the edges and cheeks flushing the longer she laughed. “You look horrified! Why did you have it all in one go?”

“You did the same thing!”

“Yes, but I can handle it! And no offence, but you don’t really seem like… well, do you feel okay?” her target asked, voice dipping into concern.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Gem said. “Really, I am.”

Her target gets her some water and takes her to another room to sit down anyway, still stifling a few giggles behind her palm as Gem blinks confusedly at the new, quieter environment and the steel table in front of her. Eventually, her target seemed satisfied, settling down on another chair with her chin in her palms and elbows on the table.

She talked at her for a few minutes as Gem sipped on her water, talking about how it was her friend’s birthday party and how her friends had decided to dance far too close to the speakers for her to join them and how her name was Lizzie, by the way, and it was very nice to meet her.

In return, Gem introduced herself as Meg - not her most creative name, sure, but these were more unusual circumstances than usual - and explained that Cleo was far more the party type than her, inventing some tale about how they had decided to drag Gem out of the house for once to see what the scene was like.

“It’s a shame she didn’t stick around to show you around a little more,” Lizzie said when she’d finished her brief story. “It really can be a fun time here.”

“I’m not sure I’m the dancing type, really,” Gem replied, chuckling a little.

Lizzie gasped and raised her head from her hands. “But you haven’t even tried it!”

“I don’t know, I really don’t think -”

Without warning, Lizzie stood up and stretched a hand out to her. “Meg. You are going to dance with me right now, or so help me, I will find your friend and tell them you’re being a total scaredy-cat.”

“Alright, alright! Just for one song,” Gem compromised, taking Lizzie’s hand and letting her pull her to her feet. “And if I don’t like it, I’m sitting back down.”

“Trust me,” Lizzie said, tugging her towards the centre of the room, “you’re going to have a great time.”

There weren’t that many people in this room, as it was a little too early for most people to want to sit down and listen to slower music, so Gem felt almost unshielded as she awkwardly followed Lizzie’s steps, stumbling a little as she did. She wondered if the others in the room could hear her heart beating loudly in her chest.

The truth was, she wasn’t nearly as much of a lightweight as Lizzie thought, nor was she as bad of a dancer as she was pretending. She didn’t have any excuse at all for her rapid heartbeat or the flush in her cheeks. Even a few songs later, after they’d tried a slower dance and a faster dance and something in the middle that they couldn’t quite figure any good way to dance to, it felt as though she was floating in a warm haze.

Even when Lizzie eventually bid her farewell to go home with her friends, she could feel her hands tingling from where their hands had been tightly knitted together for the last hour.

Cleo returned, finally, her back pocket a little less empty than it had been a few hours ago. The moment she saw Gem’s face, she sighed.

“Please don’t tell me you spoke to her,” Cleo said. “And please don’t tell me you’ve got a crush on her.”

“I don’t!” Gem replied, but her flustered tone gave away the lie in an instant. “I - listen, it’s nothing important. It’ll vanish by tomorrow - it’s just the alcohol, probably!”

“Uh huh. Well, I think I’m good for the night, so I’m headed home. Are you ready?”

Gem folded her arms over her chest. “Of course. I’ve been waiting for you. This really isn’t my kind of place.”

“If you say so,” said Cleo, grinning in that practised way that Gem knew was reserved for missions in the public. “I’ll order us a taxi, then.”

Fortunately, Cleo didn’t press her on her recently acquired feelings for the rest of the night, and Gem got all the way back to headquarters without having to think about them at all, getting back into uniform and sitting down at her desk to finish the night’s task.

It was only when she was actually writing up her report that she had to stop and scream into her hands for a moment, unable to believe that she’d let this happen.

Of all the people to fall for, did it have to be her target?

#mcytyuriweek2023 #trafficshipping #empiresshipping #ladytay #gemlizzie #i have no idea which ship name it is but i also dont want to maintag so asldjfg

[razorblade180]

Priceless

Inside The Palace of Alcazarzaray, Aether gazed upon marvelous treasures and wonders that nearly blinded his eyes with how shiny they were. Not to mention the worldwide spread of food on various tables. He’s seen rich people before but this was impressive. Diluc was humble with it, Ningguang was lavish yet not too imposing, the Kamisatos were refined and regal with their wealth. Dori however, Aether felt like this was somehow the biggest flex. Maybe that’s the difference from linage versus effort; you want to go big. Her and Ningguang might have interesting conversations about that.

Aether:I can see how Kaveh got in dept…

Paimon:*already eating*

Aether:Yeah that’s about right.

Dori:Welcome!!! Hahaha!

Madam Sangemah Bay herself stood at the top of stairs with arms raised and pride beaming. She ran to the railing and slid down as her laughter filled the corridor. Aether then realized something. In terms of electros he met, they all can fit on triangular graph with Ei, Lisa, and Fischl being each point and then everyone else is somewhere inside the graph near them. Forget the Ningguang conversion. Dori and Fischl galavanting around at a feast sounded hilarious.

Aether:Happy Birthday Dori.

Dori:Thank you my dear and most humorous customer!

Aether:Me? I feel pretty straight forward most of the time.

Dori:Exactly! You don’t kid yourself into circumventing my deals, you’ll flat out admit you can’t afford something, and I never know what you’ll be asking for every time we meet. You’re quite the mystery box. All the more reason I want everything so there’s nothing I don’t have to offer!

Aether:Heh, glad I’m good exercise in business practice. Also thanks for the invite.

Dori:Don’t mention it. Considering my bail after Cyno arrested me was significantly decreased thanks to “an anonymous client” and I was freed very quickly, I could only think of one person with that kind of connection that rivals my own. A shame he never paid for those kits.

Aether:Please don’t ever try your luck like that again…

Dori:Fortune favors the bold, but yeah, I’ll be on my toes. Anyways, not that o don’t enjoy your company, but… I’m curious what a gift looks like from an explorer like yourselves. If you’re half as good as Alice, then it’s easily the best gift.

Aether:What if the bail was the gift?

Dori:Then my invention countered the gesture and now we’re just two people. One happy birthday girl, and a guest who arrived with a plus one halfway through the world in food.

Aether:Ah, fair. Well it’s a good thing I did get you a gift.

Materialistic desires aside, Dori actually didn’t bounce around like someone expecting a gift. She smiled softly and simply held her and out to accept whatever it could be. Maybe it’s all the guests she’s entertained before, but perhaps Dori never expects a grand gesture to the scope of anything she could get herself. Luckily for Aether, he had something she hadn’t seen. He pulled out an ankle bracelet made from gems Dori immediately knew to be amethysts and cor lapis. All in all, it didn’t look expensive, but it also didn’t come off as cheap. Those gems were easy to find and people who made accessories from them was common enough businesses practice. However, the pattern and overall woven style of it wasn’t one she was familiar with.

Dori:Oh? Where’d you find this little beauty.

Aether:I made it.

Dori:Come again?

Aether:Yeah hehe, I made it. Took a bit of work but it came it pretty well I think. I knew my mora couldn’t compare to yours so I spent time instead. Even made a matching bracelet for myself. Silly I know, but I figured friendship charms would be the perfect gift.

Dori:How so?

Aether:I know a few business people. I’ve come to learn being shrewd in the line of work is good, but makes other stay at arms reach or only see things as business. With this I want you to know that even if I’m a customer, we’re also friends.

Dori:I…I see. Thank you. If adventuring doesn’t work out then you clearly have other talents that could serve you well.

Aether:*smiles* Don’t mention it. Though I suppose it might look a little out of place in terms of price with everything else you’re wear-

Dori immediately put it on and then helped him with the bracelet. She didn’t say anything but he could tell she was happy. Aether laughed then went to go stop Paimon before there was nothing left for anyone.

Aether:Tell your sister I said hi. Hope she’s feeling well.

Dori:I will. Thanks *looks at anklet*

……..

Dori:(I should really make a best friend discount.)

#genshin impact #gi dori #gi aether #gi paimon

[jariten]

March 2023 Roundup!!

I knew the day would come but not this abruptly. The predicted decrease in my personal consumption of English licensed manga already came true (I read a record low 4 volumes of English manga in all of March) anddddd with the upcoming closure of Bookdepo, and imported books from america costing more and more I don’t think my commitment to english licensed manga will ever be the same. Luckily my favorite comic bookstore is still thriving and my local library system has done a huge effort in expanding their manga selection this past year so I won’t stop reading, but my personal collection of translated manga will not get much bigger. My Japanese collection however... 

I’m back to reading curated anthologies. One that got instant buzz was Mangaka! Sekai Bungaku: Tanbi to Heroine curated by Tosho no Ie and Hideo Yamada. This anthology is a selection of 1970-80s Shoujo manga adaptions of world literature (by “world” read Japan, Europe, and North America). The obvious star is Hideko Mizuno. The woman who raised the bar for what dramatic girls manga could be. For a long time she’s been away from the spotlight but recently has had a resurgence which led to the reprinting of her 1969 hit “Fire!”, the saga of a fictional Detroit rock band and its troubled lead man, Aron. The above mentioned anthology features her retelling of Cinderella which she based on the Brothers Grimm version. Her art in this story is so elegant and lavish I really hope the plans to reprint the rest of her bibliography is successful  so I can read even more. Check the anilist page to see who else is featured in this anthology! I’m also working through the 7 volume Shogakukan Shugyoku no Meisaku Anthology. Each volume is curated by themes such as “family”, “partings”, “tears” or “cats”! Its features primarily works and artists who are regulars in Shogakukan’s family of “Flowers” magazines aimed at girls and adult women of various ages and niches. Its very sneaky how its curated however using chapters from episodically serialized works. Regularly featured in the volumes are Moto Hagio, Akimi Yoshida, Akiko Hatsu, Yumi Tamura, and Keiko Nishi. I’ve really loved the picks so far the genres, settings, and themes are varied and span decades. Among the artists I’m reading for the first time through this series I’ve become very interested in exploring the bibliographies of Sakumi Yoshino and Misako Nachi once I get the chance. Check the anilist page to see the full table of contents!

And I love highlighting something silly and fun I read. Kaeranai Ojisan by Mariko Nishimura  is a gag manga about a group of middle aged men coping with a world that is trying to move on from the aggressive work ethic of the Showa era, by replacing overtime with... after work playtime. Together they do trust falls, skipping rocks on the water, stand in the middle of a train station in the middle of rush hour to feel like they’re in a drama, sword fighting with sticks, and practice NiziU choreography. Currently there’s a sequel series running and it recieved a short live action adaption fall of last year.

And I never formally said anything but Tokimeki Tonight is temporarily away from this blog until I do a reread. The caps were practically at the end of the Ranze arc and my Japanese has come a loooong way since I first read it so I want to go through it again with fresh eyes. In the meantime I will post from the side story Makabe Shun no Jijou! This 2013 miniseries shows us a bit of Shun’s childhood before the series started and what some of the main series chapters were like from his perspective. A cute little addition to the Ranze arc’s canon. 

Thank you for reading as always. Just feel the need to share that I’m moving away from licensed manga since that was such a significant focus of this blog and these roundups for so long. But its time for new priorities now that I personally don’t need translations for accessibility and buy manga licensed mainly bc it’s less of a logistic headache to acquire. 

#long post #roundup #recommendation corner #my scans

[mr-entj]

Hi Mr. ENTJ! Long time follower here :) I’m an INFJ woman who currently works in tech. I wanted to ask for your advice on how to handle burnout and your advice on my situation.

I’ve realized that the tech layoffs and also being a contractor in this environment have all led me to become extremely burnt out. Im still relatively new to my career, but I feel like I’ve pushed myself so hard these past few years because I hoped it would lead me to becoming an FTE. When I first got hired, I was told I would most likely get converted and that it was almost a guarantee. However, things have changed due to the macroeconomic environment, and I feel bamboozled and betrayed. Ive lost enjoyment in my day to day life, and I feel that I’m pushing myself so hard and repressing my feelings because of my fear of the alternative: feeling helpless and being jobless

I have enough savings for a year, and a part of me wants to just quit my job to travel, rest, and rejuvenate. The logical part of my brain says I should stay in my job for the financial and career stability. However, the emotional part of my brain is realizing that this is not sustainable for me. Thank you, and I hope you, INTJ, and Kobe are doing well.

Hey there, thanks for supporting the blog.

To start, you have a right to be pissed off because contractor to FTE conversions are often dangled in front of contractors to keep them motivated even when the company knows it's an unlikely outcome. It doesn't financially make sense most of the time to convert contractors to FTEs because it increases costs (benefits, taxes, severance, PTO, etc.), it decreases staffing flexibility (ease of layoffs, ease of swapping out resources, etc.), and it increases effort (performance management).

With that said, not getting converted isn't the end of the world, it's just a minor setback due to economic circumstances. Tech isn't crashing (i.e. it's not failing-- it's still making an obscene amount of money), it's just correcting for overhiring in 2021 and once the situation stabilizes you'll be in a much better position with the experience you've accumulated than someone who has no tech experience. You also still have a job, a paycheck, and financial security which is more than many people in this world can say.

Consider also a third option: use the skills, experience, and network you currently have to apply to many new jobs. Start with less desirable companies first as practice interviewing, then work your way up to more desirable companies once you've had enough practice. Target only full-time roles. This resource post I wrote a few years ago and the following tags have more: #job hunting and #career. Once you secure an offer, push the start date out and a vacation in between.

I don't know your exact financial situation so I can't advise if quitting your job without anything new lined up is a wise choice, but it's something that I'd never do. Keep in mind that hiring bias exists and that unemployed people have a tougher time finding a job than employed people whether it's due to voluntarily quitting, being laid off, raising a baby, or another reasons. It may be difficult to return to the workforce after your sabbatical especially if you don't have many years of experience and an extensive network to help you.

In the short term, I'd try the third outcome first and see what offers come your way. Ease up at work (without dropping any balls) and focus on your wellbeing. The worst they can do is fire you and you're already applying externally with a year's worth of savings as a cushion.

In the long term, hold companies to their promises and advocate harder for yourself. If they promise a conversion or a promotion or whatever, then demand a timeline and get it in writing. If not, leave situations when they no longer benefit you before they become so intolerable that you burn out. Burnout is like an empty gas tank in a car. There are many warning signs long before that happens-- heed them and course correct.

#burnout #burn out #career #careers #work #transition #job #faq

[andrew-nobody]

I have been following your blog pretty much since you started it and I still really like reading your responses even if the influx of asks has decreased. I would send more questions of my own but I can't really think of anything that hasn't already been asked before, so instead I lurk.

I guess I’ve answered every question there is!

But yeah, I get it. Doesn’t help that my “androodles” haven’t been happening as often, either. Just so tired all the time, and I often feel like it’s not worth the effort for just a couple notes on each drawing. I don’t know.

Most people just like my posts instead of interacting, which makes it hard to create interesting content and be engaging, which in turn makes it harder for me to spend more time in the front.

I understand the desire to ask interesting questions, though. But I like most of the asks I get. I kind of just don’t want to feel forgotten, you know?

#answered asks #anon #wow that was a tangent #hope it’s readable

[cagestark]

heating goes out in stark tower so peter and tony have to huddle for warmth together with angst and fluff due to the fact peter cant thermoregulate please

Sorry it’s not a fic fic. SFW!

x

Peter says he’s the one with bad luck, but Tony’s luck is infamous. The backup power system is due for regularly scheduled updates between 2AM to 3AM. Despite checking for weather patterns that evening, a late-night thunderstorm takes a southern turn at the last moment. Lightning strikes the tower, and the power goes out.

The main doors won’t even open, nor the ones to the lower parking garage. It’s his own fault for creating a security system that would shut the Tower up tighter than a Venus fly trap at the first sight of tampering, even if that tampering came from Mother Nature herself.

Tony goes to fix it because who else could? Systems are fried, and even after hours of effort, he’s barely made progress. He’s going to have to go out on the roof to assess the damage more closely. 45 degrees is warm for fall in New York, but 1100 feet in the air, the wind whips the collar of his jacket and stings his eyes—and the pouring rain doesn’t help.

He’s soaked to the bone when Peter finds him. Tony barely recognizes him beneath a comical amount of clothing layers. He looks ready for an Arctic expedition. At the sight of the kid (who is spending the break between college semesters at the Tower), Tony is relieved at first—an extra set of hands would be perfect. But one glance at the panicked brown eyes peeking out above a wool scarf tells Tony that something is very wrong.

“I’ve never told you this or anyone this because there’s never really been a need, I mean, the suit has built in heaters and anytime I’m too cold I just go inside or wrap up in one of those blankets MJ is always getting me for Christmas, but—“ “I appreciate the context but give me the abridged version, Pete, I kind of have a situation I’m trying to deal with.” “That’s just it, Mr. Stark.”

Who could have expected Tony to know that the only thermoregulation spiders are capable of is behavioral? Peter could bask in the sun—if it were out. He is already sheltering—but his shelter is growing colder by the minute.

“Blankets worked okay at first,” Peter says, watching Tony pace brainstorm in the penthouse. “But the sun has been down for hours and I’m so cold, Mr. Stark. I tried running, jumping jacks, but I’m not able to generate enough heat, and—look.” Peter holds up his hands and the fingers are white and bloodless.

Instinct makes him reach out and take Peter’s frigid hand between his own. Even though he feels cold too, he is blistering in comparison. Peter groans at the warmth, a pleasured sound that makes Tony’s stomach flip.

He lets go, reluctantly.

They spend the next twenty minutes brainstorming to no avail.

“We could start a fire? I see your expression, but it would be a very controlled fire. Surely I’m capable of—alright, you’re right. Fuck, kid. Maybe we need to just evacuate you. We can’t go out the front door, but you swing us somewhere warmer.”

“‘Kay,” Peter slurs from beneath the blankets where he has been silent for the last five minutes. He’s no longer shivering. “I’m g’na be late for school, though.”

Tony knows hypothermia when he sees it. If Peter’s cognitive functions are being affected, then his decreasing temperature is becoming dangerous.

Tony begins to peel off his wet clothes, hands shaking. It’s the cold he tells himself, not fear. Not terror that he could be watching Peter’s life slip away before his very eyes.

“I hope you can forgive me, kid, but we’re about to get closer than you—well, than you probably ever wanted to. You can hate me in the morning, at least you’ll still be alive.”

He scoops the kid up—Jesus he’s heavy, probably from being solid muscle—and takes him into the bathroom. The smaller the room, the easier it will be to keep warm. He fills the claw-footed tub with blankets and saves Peter for last.

The kid is too out of it to even acknowledge being unwrapped like the world’s most convoluted Christmas present. Tony leaves the kid’s boxers on, feeling like enough of a creep as it is.

Into the tub they go, Peter plastered against him back-to-front. Tony drags more blankets hastily pulled from his bed over them, tugs the kid’s hat down lower over his ears, and just holds him.

He ducks his head against the crook of Peter’s neck and just breathes, warm breath fanning over his skin.

Maybe he prays, though he’s maybe prayed a lot in his life, and he hasn’t seen much proof that anyone is listening.

When at last Peter’s entire body begins to shiver again, the relief Tony feels makes tears sting at his eyes. Beneath the blankets, he runs his hands up and down the kid’s arms, working to generate more friction. Eventually, the young man in his arms stirs.

“Wh’re are we?” Peter mutters at length, nearly causing Tony to jump out of his skin.

Tony laughs a sigh. Peter shivers harder for a moment, and maybe that isn’t all from the cold. “Bathroom. Enclosed space would help trap our body heat in. My body heat, I guess.”

Peter hums. “You’re so hot, Mr. Stark.” A moment of silence, then: “Oh my god, you’re warm. Warm. Not that you, I mean, you look great. Uh, Mr. Stark, are you naked?”

Tony blinks. “Body heat, best way to warm you up without burning down the tower.”

Peter clears his throat. His cool fingers wrap around Tony’s arm, pulling his embrace tighter. “I—guess we should stay like this then. Until sunrise, at least.”

“Probably. To be safe.”

“You know me, I’m all about safety, Mr. Stark.”

“Kid, for the love of god, call me Tony.”

#starker #sfw #cuddling for warmth #cagewrites #drabble ish

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

actually I’m moving this to a new post because fuck it

okay so I finally looked at the reply, and

Even though there is no good way to prepare for a  neuropsychological evaluation, other than to get a good night sleep and  avoid feeling hungry, it is not unusual to feel as though you could have  done something more. In regards to the self-assessment tests you took  on-line, research has demonstrated that some of them result in high  false positive rates, which decreases the validity of the results (Sara  Jones, Maria Johnson, et al Autism Research and Treatment; Bram Sizoo,  EH Horowitz, et al Autism journal).  Other psychiatric diagnoses besides  autism can result in elevated scores on these self-tests.  Neurocognitive discrepancies and deficiencies frequently associated with  autism were not part of your pattern of test results. As I mentioned in  the report  you have symptoms consistent with autism but there isnt enough to reach  the severity of an autism diagnosis. The results in my opinion are more  accurately described by social anxiety, ADHD, and a persistent anxious  mood disturbance. I appreciate your desire to better understand yourself  and the test results and hope you are also able to discuss these  questions with your therapist as well.

a) maybe I’m overly sensitive (...fine, I’m almost certain I’m overly sensitive) but this feels patronizing b) part of my entire point in sending self-test results and discussing additional things that didn’t come up in the interview was to point out, hey, I have potentially new information that didn’t come up in the interview so maybe the evaluation should be reconsidered, at least a little bit, in light of that new information? and this basically sounds like “no, I’ve already decided your social difficulties are based on anxiety and new information doesn’t affect that because the cognitive tests don’t indicate autism.”

in some ways, I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t find this upsetting because it’s not like they came back saying I’m neurotypical, they did confirm the ADHD so that’s something, especially because it's been pretty destabilizing the way my prescriber has always been kind of half-hearted about it (”yeah you fit the criteria but also it’s not a severe case, everybody forgets things sometimes, hmm wait you’re not responding to stimulant meds so maybe it’s not ADHD after all and I should change my diagnosis, idk”). and since there’s so much symptom overlap between ADHD, anxiety, and autism, maybe it shouldn’t matter that I only have a diagnosis for two of the three.

but it feels like--if it’s social anxiety, it’s on me to fix it. I have to work on it, and expose myself more, and put myself out there, and do exhausting shit that kind of makes me want to cry just thinking about it, and maybe if I work hard enough and burn myself out learning every social cue ever, I’ll eventually stop fucking up and manage to be normal, and maybe friends will stop ghosting me. I’m sure the healthier way to look at that is that it’s fixable and I should feel empowered to do something about it, but I don’t, I just feel exhausted and overwhelmed because I’m being asked to do something I don’t have the energy to do.

if I’m autistic, I’m...never going to be normal. I have to mask in certain settings, but the healthiest thing is to not mask as much as possible, to try to be authentic, whatever that ends up meaning. That’s...not necessarily good, because as I understand it a lot of people only like the mask, but at least that might mean it’s not my fault that people keep ghosting me, you know?

I don’t know, I’m probably looking at this all wrong because I just do that, because at this point my brain is so fucking rewired by depression I don’t know how to fix that either, but it feels like if it’s all social anxiety, any problems I have are my fault unless I put in the effort to fake everything, using energy I don’t have...whereas if I’m autistic, at least then maybe it’s not my fault, maybe I’m not already automatically wrong because it’s just how I am.

oh. and I did cancel my appointment with my prescriber. but I for sure do need to reschedule that one, because unlike my therapist I have her assistant actually calling back to arrange rescheduling something, plus you know I need to keep having appointments to keep refilling my prescriptions. only I still don’t want to. and I don’t really want to reschedule with my therapist either. probably I need to find a new therapist but just the thought of starting that process also makes me want to cry, so that’s not super great either

#brains behaving badly #autism #actually adhd

[catb-fics]

I think the problem Van’s gonna face when coming back is just how fast the music industry moves on from people. I do know he wants to take time and has to rearrange everything and pretty much start from scratch but if it’s a 2025 release then that’s a very poor decision on their part as the cycle of music just moves so quickly nowadays. Like no doubt they’ll have their OG fan base and hard core stans but people will have moved on to something else (or already have) - also they’re gonna need a WHOLE new marketing team cause the the 2017-2019 music marketing style is not gonna work in 2023, much less 2024, 2025. Not saying he’d need to be on Tik Tok doing dances or promoting it but an effort needs to be made as it’s clear there wasn’t even an effort made to be transparent about the band ending, cancelling those last shows, etc. Yes he’s human and 10000% deserves privacy and time away, but also I don’t think he can just come back and act like nothing ever happened. Also if he actually wasn’t working on any music and was just like “I’m gonna go work in a shop” or something, I wish he’d just say that so that there’s not a rumor mill or witch-hunt to find him and he could live in peace

Yes I’ve been thinking this, being AWOL for 4-5 years is a long time, there’s still a tonne of fans out there but if a comeback was being planned the impact might decrease the longer it’s left for. And yes totally agree the disappearance and silence really should be addressed as that would just leave a bad taste if not.

Yeah I think we’d be sad for ourselves but happy for him if he’d decided to just duck out and live a chilled settled quiet life. I’d love more anything just to see he’s okay (and just to give a little nod to fans for their support too) ❤️

Van doing TikTok dances though… I have never needed anything as much in my life 😂

#catb asks

[bippzle]

been a while. i didn’t think i’d be using this account again for a long while, though i suppose it has been “a long while” anyway.

i don’t have much to say. honestly, i only came here to ramble about a polyamory “take” (is that it? honestly i’m not sure what stance other polyamorous people have on this thing i’ve been thinking about).

i know nobody wants to hear about my life or anything, which i wouldn’t either. you’re probably not even going to read all of this now that there’s so much useless text before my main point. speaking of which, i’ll get to it now.

i think some polyamorous people go a bit too far with it. does that make sense? what i mean is that some polyamorous people are more focused on constantly having and being in relationships than actually taking a step back to care about the people they’re in the relationships with.

i understand that, of course, like all other things, this is simply an unhealthy and naive approach to polyamory when one might not fully understand it or have a grip on it. it might stem from other things as well, perhaps mental illness, though i’m not one to say. this is simply what i’ve observed in the last year regarding my new environment and space (on the internet especially).

i’ve met a lot more polyamorous people than i had even known to exist, specifically within the time that quarantine has happened and, consecutively, “ended” (it’s not truly over, though in the U.S., restrictions have significantly decreased). i’ve observed what i’ve seen in these people and their relationships. a lot of them were nothing out of the ordinary from what i’ve come to understand polyamory as in my journey of understanding it and myself over the years. some, however, have been more concerning.

this isn’t negativity around polyamory, but rather something i’ve seen rooted in it. hopefully this makes sense, since my goal is never to invalidate people (let alone a community that i myself am a part of). my point might be difficult to understand since the connection between my brain and the words i can use to convey my thoughts is not the best.

anyhow, from what i’ve seen in the past year or so, i’ve seen people use polyamory more so as a sort of…affection hoarding technique rather than an actual form of loving, of romance. it’s strange to think and even more so to put into words, but it’s something that’s concerned me.

i don’t even know what i’m hoping to get from making this observation, but i’ve been rambling for this long already that it’s less effort to simply do so. i guess i’m looking for ways to perhaps spread more information and what that information might be so that less people (which is already a fairly small number, all things considered) end up in this cycle of searching for partners to satisfy rather than to care for.

i think that, especially when one is new to polyamory, there might be thrills to this sudden openness to multiple partners that causes a sort of blindness (?) to how romance is supposed to be handled. i’m fairly certain that even i had acted in such a way a good few years back; searching for love and not nurturing it.

i don’t have anything else to say—i’m not even sure what i would say. this is all just a…thought dump, i guess. i don’t want to start arguments or spread misinformation, though, so if anyone does choose to reply, please refrain from being rude and if you have anything to inform me/educate me of, i would be very grateful to listen and learn.

thank you if you’ve read this far, i suppose?

#polyamory #small rant

[tf2workbench]

Silence of the Spies

While I was doing my rework of the Red-Tape Recorder, I kept wanting to do something related to sound. It’s a cassette player, after all. I opted not to, but that doesn’t mean I can’t discuss it here!

Silent Sapper Iteration 1 (+) While active weapon or on a building: All sounds you make are much quieter (+) Destroyed buildings do not appear in the kill feed for the enemy team (-) -25% sapper damage

Right off the bat, I want to talk about the accessibility of this weapon. There are people who don’t use sound at all while they play TF2 - maybe they’re Deaf or hard-of-hearing, maybe they’re trying not to disturb a neighbor, or maybe their speakers just don’t work. I’d imagine they make up a minority of players, but it’s still important to keep them in mind for this design.

(The good news is that there are assistive technologies to help people play TF2 without sound. There are downloadable HUDs that will basically caption the game for you, although I’ve never used them and so don’t know how good they are. However, they’re not universally accessible, so I don’t want to assume all people know of them.)

Anyway, regarding the design. Like the Your Eternal Reward, its advantages play on the enemy team’s (lack of) awareness. This means that your play experience is dependent on the enemy team even more than it usually is. Although no amount of awareness will invalidate this weapon, we’ll still want to give it an upside that can give a more concrete bonus even against an attentive enemy.

Silent Sapper Iteration 2 (+) While on a building: Cloak meter does not drain (+) While active weapon or on a building: All sounds you make are much quieter (+) Destroyed buildings do not appear in the kill feed for the enemy team (-) -50% sapper health

There are a lot of things you can do with a cloak meter that doesn’t drain. Safe invisibility for a little while can be very nice, allowing you to escape, reposition, or stand there menacingly. Of course, 50% sapper HP means that it can be knocked off with a single wrench swing (two from the Jag), which is a tough penalty to deal with.

Honestly, I’d consider going a step further and having your cloak actively regenerate while sapping, letting you stay invisible or recharge, whichever you prefer. I think that could expand the ways in which you use this weapon quite a bit!

On the other hand, we already have a revolver (the L’Etranger) and a knife (the Big Earner) that serve to refill your cloak meter, which means this sapper isn’t treading entirely new ground and may become redundant (or uber-powerful) with the aforementioned weapons. It’s not a bad idea, but just for diversity, let’s try another version.

Silent Sapper Iteration 3 (+) While active or on a building: See enemy buildings through walls within a moderate radius (+) While active or on a building: All sounds you make are much quieter (+) Destroyed buildings do not appear in the kill feed for the enemy team (-) -25% sapper damage

Your knowledge can now go from uncanny to nearly omniscient, as you identify and seek out buildings wherever they are, like a chain-smoking, mechanically inclined bloodhound. Frankly, if I were an Engineer this could get really frustrating - no more hidden teleporters! That frustration could probably be mitigated by decreasing the vision radius, though.

I think that this sapper is interesting in that you can use it by yourself, targeting buildings as Spies do, or you can get its full benefit by helping your team spot buildings. Do you think it would be more common to use this “selfishly” or to relay building placements to your team?

And a final note I want to leave you on: do you think that sappers that don’t sap well are tough on the Spy’s team? By losing the effectiveness of the sapper, is the team effort weakened? I don’t have a good answer, but I’d like to hear your thoughts.

#tf2workbench #tf2 #team fortress 2 #spy #secondary #red-tape recorder