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foreverindreamlandd · 2 years

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In the Embers ~ 9

Pairing: Firefighter!Bucky x F!Plus Size!Adopted Rogers!Reader

WC: 6k

Summary: After returning home from a failed career as an artist in LA, you are reunited with the boy next door who has always owned a piece of your heart, and there’s no running from each other this time.

Chapter Note: Time to wrap some loose ends up. The end is approaching <3

Chapter Warnings: Bucky and Oak being so in love and gross also it gets angsty as FUCK in the beginning sorry not sorry lollll

Series Masterlist / Series Playlist

NINE MONTHS AGO

Bucky Barnes had absolutely no fucking idea what he was doing.

The whole situation he had put himself in was the textbook definition of this could have been an email. To be fair, that was his original intention, it was just that he didn’t have your number, and it felt like asking Steve for that information would have turned this into a much bigger deal than he wanted (especially after his very fair and reasonable reaction when Bucky fucked up his last profession of love to you).

In the end though, that was exactly what happened, because when Bucky went to search for your contact information on your website, he saw the posting for a gallery showing you were presenting at in Los Angeles tomorrow night. And suddenly a new tab was opening on his computer and he was purchasing a one-way plane ticket.

He had the next two days off at the fire station, anyway. Might as well actually use the time off instead of just picking up overtime shifts like he always did.

Now, here he was, standing in the streets of Downtown LA wearing black slacks and a maroon button up, eyes glued to his phone as he tried to navigate himself to your art preview. To you.

He had no idea what he was going to do, what he was going to say. All he knew was that he needed to see you.

It had been easy to keep his feelings shoved in the deepest, darkest caverns of his heart when he was overseas fighting for his country - even though you found your way into his dreams almost every night. It became harder when he moved back home to take care of his mom, where memories of you surrounded him, crushed him, and those caverns where he kept you ached from the constant reminder of your absence.

Then, his mom passed away, and you came to the funeral. It was the first time that he had seen you face to face instead of behind his eyelids, and all the emotions he had spent years trying to snuff out ignited within him.

You looked so different. Smaller, and not just physically. There was less light radiating off of you, less warmth. He figured it had to do with the circumstances: the funeral, having to return home after making it clear that you didn’t want to come back, seeing him for the first time after he finally found the courage to begin explaining how he had felt about you for years, only to immediately run away because he was afraid to hurt you the way he old man had hurt him and his mom. He’d rather live the rest of his life with the ache of losing you than be the cause of that kind of suffering for you.

He loved you too much for that.

Bucky swore that he tried his best to stay away from you, to give you the space you needed to grieve the woman you loved without feeling any discomfort from his presence. But he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you, and at one point, after the burial while everyone was walking through the cemetery to their respective vehicles, he allowed himself one last glance, only to find that you had also taken this moment to look over at him, too. Your eyes locked, and you gave him a small smile as you walked up to him.

Bucky was in so much pain. His mom was gone and it felt like he was totally lost, floating in this weird limbo surrounded by darkness. Yet there you were, this beacon, drawing him to you as if there was some sort of magnetic tether he couldn’t- wouldn’t tear himself away from.

You opened up your arms, and Bucky finally allowed himself to be selfish, to fall into your embrace and hold you as if you were the only thing keeping him on two feet.

“I’m so sorry, Bucky,” you whispered over his shoulder, voice thick with grief.

“Me too, Oak.” For so many reasons that he couldn’t even begin to cover. He didn’t want to think about that right now. He just wanted to focus on the feeling of his arms around you, to hold onto the memory of it and allow it to sustain him for the rest of his days.

“Ay, babe! You comin’ or what?” A loud, annoyed voice echoed through the cemetery and you pulled back to look behind you.

Bucky felt his heart cleave in two as he followed your eye-line. He had heard rumors from Steve about the hot shot LA guy you’d been with the last few years. He looked like a real asshole, if Bucky was being honest, and he really wished that he could have explicitly uninvited this dude from his mother’s funeral. But he was your partner, the man who had been there for you after Bucky chose not to, when he had forfeited any right to judge who you wanted to be with.

Even if they seemed like a douchebag.

You looked back to him, beautiful eyes wide with a million thoughts behind them, your mouth slightly open as if you might want to speak on them.

Instead, your mouth closed, and you gave Bucky’s arms a light squeeze. “We gotta go, our flight takes off in a few hours.”

He nodded. “Thank you for coming. It’s….it’s really good to see you.”

Your lips pressed together and you bobbed your head up and down. “You too. Sorry I haven’t been around-”

“Y/n! Come on! I’m dyin’ over here.”

Bucky’s jaw worked while you looked back at your boyfriend, fighting back the urge to run over and clock the guy for the fucking horrible comment.

You looked back at him once more, eyes piercing his and Bucky’s lungs nearly gave up as he lost himself in the stunning hues of your irises.

“I’m sorry, we just- Brock is…we need to go. I’ll see you around, okay Buck?”

He nodded, allowing himself one more selfish moment as he pulled you in for a final hug, eliciting a small gasp from you. It had nearly killed him to let you go all those years ago, and he didn’t know if he had the strength to do it again.

But for you, he would find it. He would always do whatever he could to protect you.

“Goodbye, Oak.”

Turns out he wasn’t strong enough, because for months the ache of losing you a second time consumed him, and he felt as if he was drowning. Your absence in all of the places where he slowly fell in love with you while growing up were suffocating. He couldn’t go through with it this time, not without laying everything out for you, leaving it in the open in case there was a chance you felt the same.

When you were kids, it seemed like you did. Now? All he could do was hope.

Which was what brought him to this moment, walking through the glass doors of the gala, maneuvering his way through the crowds until he found your exhibit.

He was always awestruck with your work, sometimes sneaking peaks in your room when you weren’t home to admire your paintings, or staring at the ones hung up on the display boards outside the art room in school. Seeing what was produced from the thing that brought you such joy made Bucky’s heart swell every time.

These ones at the gala were…different. He wasn’t sure what it was about your new pieces, the bareness of the trees, the lack of color that used to fill every white space. There were aspects of them that he knew made the art yours, but there was a hardness, a lifelessness to them that was unfamiliar.

“Can I help you find anything, man?” Bucky turned at the sound of the familiar voice, a scowl forming on his face before he even locked eyes with your boyfriend. Brock’s eyes widened in recognition, and his fake smile widened. “Oh, hey! You’re one of Y/n’s old friends from home, right? We saw you at your mom’s funeral.”

God, this guy is the worst, Bucky thought as he gave Brock a single nod in response. “I’m looking for Oa- Y/n. Is she here?”

Brock shook his head, using his best salesman voice, “Nah, she’s actually in San Fran meeting with some investors who want to give her permanent gallery space. Lot of big things ahead and hopefully no slowing down anytime soon!”

Bucky’s chest ached, both out of pride for your success and realization that he shouldn’t have come, shouldn’t have allowed himself to be selfish and try to take you away from every opportunity you had worked so hard for.

He cleared his throat. “That’s awesome. Good for her. No one deserves it more.”

Brock’s eyes knit together in skepticism, fake smile faltering ever so slightly. “I agree. Did you, uh, want me to tell her you stopped by?”

“No, that’s not necessary. I was…just in the area so I thought I’d stop by. I should get going.”

Brock nodded, and Bucky turned to leave, a new ache forming as his heart officially ripped in two as he forced himself to finally let you go.

Just before he stepped out of your exhibit, a flash of blue caught his eye and he looked to his right, finding one of the few paintings of yours that actually had color to it.

It was a tree covered with stars and surrounded by blue, a boy and a girl sitting at the top.

A small smile curved up his lips and he turned back to Brock.

“How much for this one?”

NOW

“I can’t decide whether I would ever want to meet the person who thought to themselves, ‘You know what would make this turkey taste better? Shoving fruit up its ass.’”

Your mom snorted, shaking her head as she continued peeling potatoes. “I bet they were just trying to think of ways to keep their annoying children busy.”

You scoffed, debating as you washed your hands whether to flick sink water at your mother but - upon noticing how close she was to the knife block - decided to just stick your tongue out her instead like the mature adult you were.

Mom beamed, and you caught a slight shimmer in her eyes and your brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head. “Nothing. You just-” she sighed, “It’s nice to see you so happy.”

You cocked your head to the side with a small smile, drying your hands with a towel and then walking over to hug your mom.

“Love you momma,” you whispered.

“I love you too, honey. Every day I feel more and more lucky that I get to be your momma.”

A knock came at the door a few moments later just as you put the fruit-filled turkey in the oven and you checked the clock on the microwave with a smile. It was five minutes before the others were told to arrive, meaning the person waiting outside most likely wasn’t Steve and Nat.

You scurried over, yelling over your shoulder, “I’ll get it!”

You paused once you reached the door, running your hands over your burnt-orange sweater dress, inspecting your black tights for any holes or runs (aside from the pre-existing one on your thigh that was just high up enough to be covered by the dress). Finally, once you deemed that all was well, you reached for the knob and pulled the door open.

Bucky jumped forward - as if the wooden structure had been holding him back for hours rather than just a few seconds - barely taking the time to look at you before his lips connected with yours, his hands moving up to cradle your face. You only had a fraction of a second to let out a yelp in surprise before your brain had become mush and you sighed into his lips, resting your hands on his waist.

It had been days since you had first gotten to experience this, and countless repeats in between, and yet you were still unsure whether you would get used to the sensation of kissing Bucky. The way it went from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, this buzzing feeling that made you dizzy, your knees weak.

Luckily, you had a tall, beefy, handsome as hell firefighter to lean on.

After not nearly enough time, Bucky pulled away from you, eyes half-open and a lazy grin on his beautiful face.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Oak,” he whispered, lips inches from yours.

You bit your bottom lip as a smile threatened to split your face in two. “Happy Thanksgiving, Buck.”

He scrunched his nose in delight at the dreamlike sound of your voice, eyes gazing lovingly into yours before finally stepping back to grab the three pie dishes placed on the steps outside the door.

Your brows furrowed. “Why did you put the pies down?”

His grin widened as he stood straight. “Didn’t want to half-ass the kiss when I first saw ya.” Then the bastard winked and you felt your whole body evaporate.

Still, you attempted to keep your cool and scoffed. “What if my mom answered the door?”

A casual shrug. “I’m an army vet. Got fast reflexes. Besides, I’m five minutes early and we both know the chances of Steve being the one knocking were nonexistent. And maybe I assumed that you would be excited to see me and book it to the door before Sarah had a chance to hear someone arrive.” He winked at you and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“Can’t argue with that logic.” You stood up on your toes and Bucky took that as his cue to lean forward for another chaste kiss, your hands resting on the deep green fabric covering his solid chest.

And though each kiss made your heart flutter as if it were the first, it amazed you how easily the two of you molded into one another. It felt like you and Bucky were two pieces of a puzzle that fit together perfectly, so much so that it was a bit difficult to break apart.

Some might even say impossible.

Steve and Nat arrived moments later with extra food goodies, and once everything had been cooked and put together, you all made your way to the dinner table. Bucky sat next to you, his chair closer than it probably needed to be, but you liked that the lack of space allowed him to grab your hand underneath the table with ease.

At one point, Bucky’s hand rested on your thigh, his thumb stroking your leg just at the hem of your dress. You tried to swipe it away before he located the hole in your stocking, but you were too late, and Bucky turned to you, eyes bouncing from your leg to your face with a mischievous grin as heat rose to your face. His finger poked its way through to rub against the exposed skin of your leg and for a moment your heart actually stopped.

His low, rumbly chuckle at your reaction caught the attention of Steve who groaned once he observed you two.

“Look,” he started with an exasperated tone, “I know I said I wanted you two to get together, but that doesn’t not make it weird to see my best friend feel up my sister.”

You scoffed. “Mind your business, Stevie!”

At the same time, Nat lightly hit him on the chest with the back of her hand as she mumbled, “Let them be cute and awkward. It’s adorable!”

“Listen,” Steve protested, arm waving in the air, gesturing to you and Bucky, “I just want hands to be where I can see ‘em!”

Bucky shook his head at Steve, lifting both his hands in the air and you rolled your eyes at the drama of it all.

Then, Bucky’s hand moved to your neck, pulling you to him so that he could place a sloppy, wet kiss on your cheek and you squealed while Steve groaned even louder than before, his face burrowing into his hands.

“Alright kids,” Mom started, laughing at all the hullabaloo before her, “Let’s settle down already. There’s something I want to talk to you all about, anyways.”

Everyone turned their attention to your mom at the head of the table as she interlaced her fingers in front of her. She stared at them for a few moments before her eyes scanned the table to meet each of yours and she continued.

“You all know that I went to Florida the other week for vacation, but that wasn’t the only reason. I was actually looking at a condo for sale that’s next to a few friends. I spoke with the property manager and put in an offer the other day. So I’m selling the house and moving in January.”

All blood drained from your face as panic coursed through you. Selling the house? But this was your home, always had been. And your mom was leaving? Had all of the air suddenly left the room?

“What?” you asked, your voice small and quiet.

She pursed her lips and gave you a single nod. “This house is just too big for me, and though I have loved having you here this past month, I know that you’re taking steps to find a place on your own and I’ll be here again. Plus, I’ve been thinking about retiring at the end of the year, so the timing of it all makes sense. And you don’t have to move out in January. In fact, I’ll need you all to help pack this place up and help me sell it, and that’ll take months, so you still have time to get your situation figured out, baby.”

You turned your gaze to a shocked Bucky next to you, who took your handle with a gentle squeeze and a small nod, silently telling you that it would be okay. You nodded back, as you felt tears well in your eyes.

Then, you looked to Steve, who seemed much more calm about the whole situation as he and Nat exchanged glances. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and looked back at your mom.

“We want to buy the house,” he started, voice hopeful. “We were actually thinking of talking to you about it in a few months now that we have some money saved up. We know you’ve wanted to downsize, and we’ve always loved this house. It was actually Nat’s idea.” He looked at Nat again with a fond expression and she gave him her classic side smile. “We probably can’t afford what you would list it for, but we can give you a decent amount if that’s okay.”

Your mom smiled, reaching over to grab Steve’s hand, tears welling in her eyes as well. “I think I can work something out for my boy.”

Steve beamed, looking back at Nat with the brightest smile you had ever seen. Nat gave him a smile and winked, and you saw tears forming in her eyes as well.

“Does this mean we get to be neighbors again, Stevie?” Bucky asked, and you turned to find the face of a 12-year-old kid, grinning with excitement.

Steve leaned across the table, high-fiving his best friend. “Hell yeah it does!” Then, he directed his attention to you, expression serious. “Y/n, you’re welcome to live here with us if you want. Just to give you more time to find a place you can afford. We don’t want you to feel like you’re being kicked out before you’re ready.”

You shook your head. “I appreciate it, I really do, but I think it’s time for me to move out anyways. I can try to sell some of the pieces I’ve been painting recently, and maybe I can start teaching classes or something as a side job. I just really want to get a place for myself. I’ve loved living here and I cannot begin to express how much I appreciate you all being there for me while I got my shit- everything together. I love you all so much.”

“We’d do anything and everything for you, Y/n,” Nat said. “Whatever you need, we’re here to help. You’re not alone in this.”

Bucky squeezed his hand in agreement, and you met his eyes as he nodded at you.

“We’ll figure it out. Together, okay?”

There were still so many things to figure out, so many more stressful decisions to make and sleepless nights ahead.

But in this moment, you knew with unyielding confidence that with the people sitting around you, everything was going to turn out alright.

Which was what allowed you to smile at Bucky as you nodded back. “Okay.”

“Buck, this is supposed to be your day off,” you said, smiling from ear to ear as he wrapped his arms around you from behind, placing a kiss where the base of your neck met your shoulder, causing your head to momentarily spin.

He chuckled, warm air hitting your skin as he rocked you from side to side. “And?”

You shook your head, gesturing to the tool box he had rested on the bar upon arrival. “You should be home relaxing, not here at the bar working!”

He tsked, spinning you around and taking the broom from your hands, resting it on a stool and intertwining his fingers around you, an innocent smile on his face.

“Oak, you wound me.” He kissed your forehead. “How could spending my day with my favorite person be anything but the best possible option?”

Your giggle was cut off by his lips as they landed on yours, and you ran your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer, drinking in every bit of Bucky as you could.

“Babe,” you muttered, finally pulling away, “You know that Sarah isn’t paying me to spend the whole time kissing you, right?”

He frowned. “You should really add that to your list of responsibilities, love.”

Rolling your eyes, you gently pushed him back and he complied with a pout, but you could still see the corners of his mouth fighting to curve their way up his beautiful face. “I’ll be sure to bring it up during a team meeting or something.”

He wiggled his eyebrows in agreement, opening up his tool box and moving toward the pieces of wood that were stacked at the back of the bar. You grabbed the broom, ready to start sweeping, but instead found yourself entirely too distracted by the way veins of Bucky’s arms popped out as he lifted one of the pieces of wood to the wall to get anything done.

He turned his head, two nails held securely between his teeth, to find you gaping at him. He gave you a side smile and a wink and you looked away, heat rising to your face.

“Think you can help me over here, Oak?” he asked, voice coated with smugness. You glared at him and he shook his head. “I promise I’m not gonna kiss you - even though I really, really want to. I actually need help keeping this shelf secured.”

You walked over slowly, expression still skeptical as you approached him. When you finally reached him, Bucky gestured to where he needed you to hold the piece and you complied. Right as he took the nails out of his mouth and grabbed the hammer at his side he smiled, then leaned forward with lightning speed for another kiss.

“Sorry,” he said when he pulled back to meet your glare. He shrugged. “Couldn’t help myself.”

He snuck in a few kisses here and there as you helped him build the new drink shelves, and you complained about it way less than you should have.

“So,” Bucky started a few minutes later, his eyes glued to the part of the shelf he was working on, “About the conversation at Thanksgiving.”

Your brows furrowed. “Which part? My mom abandoning us to live it up in the sunshine and Steve and Nat getting the house and me having no idea what I’m doing next?”

He snorted. “Yes. That.” He swallowed, still avoiding your gaze. “I know you said you didn’t want to stay with them because you didn’t want to be a problem - and I speak for everyone when I say I hope you know that is the farthest thing from the truth - and that you were okay with finding a place for yourself. I wanted to…,” he blushed, the man freaking blushed even though he still wasn’t looking at you, “I wanted to see if that was true? If you were okay and ready to live on your own? Because if not, you could, like….well I have an empty room you’re welcome to-”

“Are you asking me to move in with you?”

His head whipped over to you just as he was hammering a nail into the wood, and instead hit his thumb. “Fuck,” he swore, dropping the nails and looking at his thumb, then looking at you, eyes wide. “I mean, well yes, but only if you want to-”

“Holy shit are you okay?” you asked at the same time, holding up the wood with one hand and grabbing Bucky’s with your other to inspect his thumb.

“It’s fine, I’m fine, everything is fine. You know what? Let’s ignore the last two minutes and pretend nothing happened-”

The door to Wilson’s pulled open, and the two of you shot your heads in its direction to find Dum Dum Dugan strolling in.

His brows furrowed as he guided the door closed, sensing the tenseness in the air. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything…”

You and Bucky exchanged glances before you looked back to Dum Dum with a smile, shaking your head. “Not at all, Dum Dum! Good to see you.”

He grinned, nodding his head as he approached the bar. “Likewise. That’s partly the reason why I stopped by. I miss coming here and spendin’ time with ya.” His brows furrowed again and he looked at Bucky’s hand. “You okay, Barnes? Your thumb is turning purple.”

Bucky’s smile looked more like a grimace and he held up the hammer. “Good thing my football days are over, right coach?”

Dum Dum barked out a laugh, shaking his head and walking behind the bar. “Here, let me help.”

With the three of you working, the shelves were installed in no time. It was nice having Dum Dum there for company, catching up on how he had been since the fire, what he had been up to.

“I went down south to visit my sister and her family for the holidays, which was nice. But it’s still pretty annoying,” he muttered while you and Bucky shared a confused look, “I thought that in the week that I was away the police would have gotten back to me about my report.”

You pulled back from the shelf as Dum Dum hammered in the final nail, crossing your arms over your chest. “What report? Did something happen?”

Dum Dum scowled, eyes darting between you and Bucky. “Walker hasn’t reached out to you?” It was clear you still had no idea what was going on and he shook his head with a sigh. “That fucking ding dong.”

Dum Dum pulled out his phone as he continued, “I went to the station and met with John - because he was the only one working and I had no choice - a few days after the fire. Noticed a strange looking car in the lot as I was leaving all on its lonesome and took a photo of it because, well to be honest, I had never seen such a ridiculous, expensive looking vehicle in my life.”

He extended the phone to the two of you and you gasped, one hand reaching out for it while Bucky grabbed your other.

“When I showed this to John, he told me not to reach out to you or anyone. Said he needed to take care of it internally for legal reasons or some bullshit. Don’t know what the hell he’s been doing this whole time.”

You weren’t able to fully process that last part of Dum Dum’s story. Your brain was too busy focusing on the photo in front of you.

Of the bright yellow Tesla, with a California license plate.

“No fucking way,” you breathed out.

You called Sarah immediately, asking her to grab Sam and Sersi and get to the bar now.

They were there in 20 minutes, and after Dum Dum relayed his story to them, and showed the photo of Brock’s car in the Wilson’s parking lot with a timestamp that read 15 minutes before your 9-1-1 call to report the fire, Sersi grabbed her phone and started making a few calls.

“That motherfucker,” Sarah grumbled as her sister-in-law continued muttering into her phone.

Sam grunted in agreement. “I have half a mind to drive down to LA and kick that guy’s ass.”

“Get in line,” Sarah, Bucky, and Dum Dum replied in unison. Sam’s eyes widened and you let out a shaky laugh, the whole ordeal causing your entire body to freak out. Bucky heard the uneasiness in your voice and tightened his hold around your shoulder to comfort you.

When Sersi finally hung up, she looked you in the eye with a satisfied smile on her face.

“We got him.”

Things moved quickly after that. LAPD apprehended Brock at his home within the hour to take in for questioning. He gave a shit alibi that they were able to disprove almost immediately. Once he realized that he was caught, he still tried his best to save face, saying that he “only blocked the door to the bar to scare you, he didn’t think you would actually be trapped and might die.”

He was locked up and waiting to face trial for arson, destruction of property, and attempted voluntary manslaughter.

John was on permanent suspension from the Plainberry Police Department for not processing a formal report after Dum Dum had told him about the night at the bar like he should have. He tried to give a bullshit excuse that he didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but one death glare from Sarah had him cowering back and admitting that he fucked up.

And because Sersi was an absolute beast, and Brock was a total asshole that no one wanted to work with, she was able to forgo a trial and forced Brock to plead guilty for a slightly better sentence.

10 years in prison, permanent restraining order for you against him, and money for Sarah to cover damages for the bar.

Lastly, you would finally gain possession of everything Brock owned through your assets. The apartment, the car, and most importantly, your art.

It was all finally yours again. You were finally, completely free of Brock’s hold.

You knew you would never forget the feeling of Bucky’s arms wrapping around you as you cried from the overwhelming sense of relief, holding you up as the weight of all of the hope you had tried to let go of but still held onto had finally come to fruition. Telling you how proud he was as he kissed your temple, whispering that everything was going to be okay.

And it was.

You sold the apartment and the car, then auctioned off your remaining paintings to raise funds for a local domestic shelter.

You would never stop being grateful for the help and support you got from your friends and family once you returned home with almost nothing, and wanted to make sure that others would be able to find that same help when they needed it most.

You and Bucky were at his place chilling on the couch, his head on your lap as he read The Name of the Wind. You were simultaneously running your fingers through his hair with one hand and using a laser pointer to play with Alpine with the other, the chaotic sounds of her feet zipping around the floor and jumping up the walls mixing with the vinyl of Fleetwood Mac’s Rumors playing softly in the background.

Throughout all of the craziness that ensued over the past few weeks since Thanksgiving, you were thankful for moments like this to keep you grounded. The calmness found in the in-between with your favorite person.

And now you were most likely going to ruin it all by opening your mouth.

“Yes and no,” you said softly, keeping your eyes trained on Alpine’s moving form as Bucky looked up at you.

“Hm?”

You swallowed. “That day at the bar, you said I could move in with you if I wanted.” Bucky’s body tensed, and he shot up to face you, nodding slowly. You put down the laser and began fidgeting with your hands on your lap, keeping your eyes locked on his. “I know you offered that when I was in a tight spot, which I’m not in anymore, and now that I think about it I should probably check to see if that was just you being nice-”

“It wasn’t,” Bucky cut you off, taking your hand in his. “I asked you to move in with me because I want you to.”

You smiled, leaning forward to press your lips to his.

When you pulled back, you answered, “Yes and no.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed. “I’m still confused by this..”

You gave his hand a quick squeeze, and after letting out a long sigh, you continued, “Yes, I want to live with you,” his eyes brightened as his face switched to that boyish grin, “But-” the smile faltered slightly, “I just…..I don’t think I want to right now. I just got out of living with someone who for years belittled me and controlled every aspect of my life, and of course I know that you would never, ever put me in a situation like that. It’s just that I’m finally at a point where I’m learning to take care of myself, without having to put someone else’s needs before mine when they weren’t doing the same. I think I need to just live on my own for a bit, to prove to myself that though I can depend on others who love and care about me, I don’t need to. I want to know that I can take care of myself. So the answer is yes, of course I want to live with my favorite person on the planet, just not right now, if that’s okay with you.”

Bucky stared at you with a look of complete and total adoration, his thumb stroking your knuckles.

“Does this mean that if I ask again in a year-ish, you’ll say yes?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “No.”

Bucky frowned.

“I’ll say fuck yes.” And then you captured his laugh within your lips.

You sat in the makeshift art studio in your garage, adding some last minute touches onto the colorful canvas.

Finally, after one last stroke, you lowered the brush, leaning back to stare at your work.

This was unlike anything you had ever painted before. It had always been an idea, a spark of inspiration that rested deep in the back of your mind, but never something you felt any real desire to work on. It had always been too terrifying of a project to bring to life due to the fact that it was so raw, so real, so personal.

Because it was you.

Your eyes swept over the portrait of the woman before you. One who had been through hell and back again, lost herself in every sense of the way, and had somehow found her way back.

You looked at the bags under her eyes, the messy, frazzled hair, the roundness of her face.

The wideness of her smile while caught mid-laugh, her scrunched nose, the crinkles in the corners of her eyes, the slight sparkle within the irises brought only from pure and total joy.

Surrounded by leaves in various shades of red, orange, and yellow, as if a burning beacon of light. An imperfect woman caught in a perfect moment.

You raised a hand to gently run a finger along the apple of her cheek, and smiled.

She was beautiful.

Epilogue

End banner by the amazing @simmerandcry

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#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #in the embers #ite #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky Barnes

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sorcererinthestars · 2 years

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OK, I've had this idea bounce around in my head.

Achievement hunter where everyone are witches, and their familiars? Are what their hybrid au counterparts are.

Michael-cat

Jack-lion

Matt-koala

ooooh i love this??? Everyone being witches is first off, great, because they're the most goddamn wild/insufferable coven. Everyone thinks covens should get along great and for the most part they do, but at first look they are an un-unified, bickering disaster. and we love them for it. had lots of help from the beloved @shadeofazmeinya on discord while doing this lol

but like - its been a while since the hybrid au so we're due for some modifications i think. bare (bear teehee) with me.

Michael - cat, of course. no words need to be said. Jack - lion, which always tries to be friends with Michael's housecat and the size difference is fuckin hysterical Matt - I know you said koala but listen. *listen*. Raccoon. Tiny hands trash panda. Gavin - we've always just sorta said bird, but i'm thinking a falcon. A bird who is small and cunning and built to kill, if it wants. I love the idea of Gavin having a small sharp-eyed bird on his shoulder. Jeremy - wolf. I have stolen this from supernatural au but I just love the idea of wolf Jeremy and in this, a full witch doing wild magic with a wolf baring its teeth next to him? *chef's kiss* perfection Geoff - ram is always the old one and i do still love it. stubborn and strong, this thing is ready to comfort with its wool but beat the everliving shit out of you if you do something wrong Trevor - another birb boy, this time a raven or a crow. some really keen-eyed, SMART bird. like treh, it can solve pretty complex puzzles and has a brain that will never stop - but can still be fuckin' dumb as a post Alfredo - fox! For fredo, I would think an artic fox. a white fluffy animal who looks cute but is also cunning, like treh's crow. always scheming together. Lindsay - listen if we are going to have witches, we are going to have phoenix lindsay because they are a chaotic goddess and they deserve the bird with the fire and power Ky - tiger. i love the image of all the big cats sleeping together. she's been given tiger based off of her minecraft skin which i love, but also panther too - another big cat for sure. Small Ky surrounded by a big cat of the night baring its teeth??? sooo good BK - a rabbit. another prey animal, yes, but quickwitted and fast, capable of burrowing and knowing exactly when to be sneaky. Joe - capuchin monkey. listen, hear me out. those little shits are adorable but also aggressive, they are smart and know what they want and how to get it. i just love the idea of Joe with a cool monkey on his arm.

this is a fun idea. i pitched some hybrid concepts for the new folks so feel free to send some different ideas if you'd like. but they wouldn't be able to live in the penthouse this au, they'd have to fuckin' own a zoo lollll

#ah #hybrid au #witch au #supernatural au #kinda #ask #fill in the blank pretty much haha #i like this a lot

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doebt · 3 years

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also what mods do u use for minecraft,, i wanna get some but idk what to do i just want more cute animals and plants and pretty things

also i use my laptop which can’t cope w too much lol

YESSS ANIMALS AND PLANTS AND PRETTY THINGS IS LIKE MY MAIN PURPOSE W MODS ok heres a list w links and brief descriptions so u kinda know whats going on <3 ill kind of categorise them too...

some laptops seem way better than others at handling mods but i would say just pick and choose ur absolute favorites and if thats too much for it then take one out until its more manageable! my laptop handled mods very well but i dont think i had THIS many on it hadflkjghdfkjlghndklfjhg

under a readmore bc idk how long this will get LOL

animals:

ice and fire adds dragons and TONS of like fantasy animals and some scary mobs too!!! u can tame most of the animals and theyre all very unique and SUPER cool! u can ride some of them, theyll fight for u, etc... its very configurable like u can change spawn rates and stuff, i personally turned dragons WAY down so theyre very rare to come across, bc they kill u like instantly and also cause a ton of lag if theres a lot at once, and theyre default spawn rates are ummm too high lol. but yah this is one of the best mods i think ever probably...i love it sm its like a classic

better animal models makes vanilla animals look cuter and better and better animals plus (by the same ppl) adds a bunch of other animals that are rly cute! a lot of them are tameable and theyre very well thought out

genetic animals adds a bunch of dif breeds + colors and new breeding and feeding mechanics to farm animals, its kind of new but very well done but i really really love it! if you use it in conjuncture with better animal models, it replaces to vanilla farm animals but not the wolves and foxes and stuff, so they work very well together. also the chicken babies are like incredibly teeny tiny and adorable. and it lets you be able to ride llamas and cows with saddles and bridles... i could go on (this mod is what i use in place of animania, my favorite mod ever, but that one hasnt updated past 1.12)

alexs mobs also just adds a bunch of new animals, almost all of these are tameable and very unique, i LOVE that it adds crows lol you can also ride some of these animals once u tame them... u can also configure spawn rates for these if theres ones you dont want or want more of, etc. they update pretty often with new animals as well

realistic horse genetics is a super well done mod that makes horses come in wayyyyy more colors, it also has them come in different sizes and stuff...basically what it says in the name but its like. INCREDIBLY well done i couldnt live without it lol

exotic birds adds a ton of pretty birds! it also adds a rare phoenix you can obtain and tame, and ride, which is cool! you can keep birds in birdcages breed them and incubate eggs and all kinds of stuff

making stuff pretty:

biomes o plenty is super popular and really awesome, adds a tonnnn of new biomes with their own trees and wood types and plants and stuff! theres also some cool rare biomes (this mod also works well with all the animal mods); and some other biome mods i kinda cycle between are terraforged (also makes terrain generate better, smoother and stuff and super configurable! this works alongside mods that add biomes) and traverse is good too

macaws roofs, doors, windows, furniture, fences, etc are good for making ur houses pretty! i havent done much w this yet bc i havent built a house since i got it, but it looks really nice

diagonal fences does what it says on the can its suuper convenient and i like it a lot since i make a lot of animal pastures hehe... and it works with custom fences (so if you have macaws fences it will work for those too!)

fairy lights adds paper lanterns and string lights which look way better than torches! also lets u make flag banners and stuff

falling tree lets you chop a tree down in 1 swoop, and automatically destroys the floating leaves so u dont have floating trees and stuff everywhere...might seem cheaty but i like it lol (i also use this in place of dynamic trees, which makes trees BEAUTIFUL but, again, hasnt updated past 1.12)

i also use the unity resource pack (i like this one bc it makes colors more coordinated and muted! my ocd lollll i also like mizunos of courseee) and sildurs vibrant shaders (sildurs is pretty graphics intensive but the lite or medium versions are less so! there are also less intense shaders out there, this is just the one i use)... for shaders to work u need optifine (which also adds dynamic lighting! i.e torches will light the way when you hold them without placing them, stuff like that. its also just good to have, it optimises your game better to prevent lag)

SO YEAH LOL those are all the mods i use rn! some of these have dependents you have to download to make them work (like biomes o plenty requires open terrain generator) but they tell u that on the download pages and stuff, just look out for that <3 also most of these mods have wikis if you wanna know how to tame an animal or crafting recipes and stuff like that, i pretty much keep the wikis open whenever im playing lol. idk how much u know abt the like process of installing mods n stuff but if u need help hmu and ill try to help!

(sorry this is SO long btw but i wanted to be thorough and also have this in my minecraft tag in case anyone else is curious lol)

#OK into the tag...#deer plays minecraft #HOPE THIS HELPS #im very picky abt what mods i use tbh but theres a ton more that seem rly good but just dont rly vibe w me #pams harvestcraft is very highly regarded...adds a bunch of food recipes and gardening type stuff #Anonymous

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wildpokemon · 4 years

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ML Season 3 Rewatch: Gamer 2.0

Production No. 316

Man it feels like this episode aired a while ago lol. I vaguely remember people being upset because there wasn’t a lot of “plot” in this one? Which, 1. I beg to differ - all the episodes are important, otherwise they wouldn’t make them, and 2. with this episode coming immediately after Feast in production order, it sort of makes sense to have a lighter episode next.

Anyway, let’s watch the cat boy and bug girl play some video games!!

who decided to put a submarine as one of the cars on the merry go round lollll. the kid sitting in it looks so funny

i will never get over how huge tom’s hands are. seriously how does he press the buttons on the controller when his fingers are the size of like the whole thing

marinette’s resolve not to play video games cause she’s too busy. my girl is so strong willed lol

also her dad being like “s-stop..playing?” tom does not understand lol. bc game is life

omggg theyre both so serious with their baking metaphors

and tom and sabine are so cuuuute. competing to see who does the laundry?? theyre so pure

l m a o tikki quizzing her about paid vacations while marinette overworks herself. nice

she looks so crazed omfggg girl get some SLEEP

aaand the rainbow fantasy about video games. girl i feel you so hard

lila is onscreen for all of five second and im already mad lol. just tell max you dont wanna play. dont lie about going on a yacht with prince ali. no one cares lila

lmao adrien could just go on and on about all his extra curriculars. love that he still makes a point to tell max that the game sounds amazing though. hes so supportive

marc and nathaniel still working on their comic together??? <33 we barely see them and i love them okayy

hahahaaa max is like “...game?” and marinette is like “NOOOOOOO!!!”

the way she yells it is so goooood

“and i hAvE to rESIST” goddamn christina v’s voice acting for determined/angry marinette is so good omfg.

damn markov too busy becoming even more sentient to help max with his game :( rip

enter hawkmoth

“no. i smell evil.” aldkjals adrien so serious lmao

everyone just got blipped thanos style

love that they just have little ear pieces to use in their weapons. super convenient and cool

everything is triangles

i love the idea of this episode. its so fun to see previously akumatized victims come back in like a fighting game, and see how their powers would hypothetically work against each other. and theres the added bonus of getting a better idea where this episodes stands chronologically too which i like

LB is having none of the sass today. or she’s having ALL the sass depending on how you think about it. basically chat is having fun and shes mad lol.

oooo the little animations next to chats head while he thinks about who to choose are so good!!

ahahahhaa chat choosing mr pigeon, and then there only being ONE pigeon in the stadium is so fucking funny. and then he WINS?? amazing

chat is so excited to play omg hes so cute

the western style shots and music between reflekta and roger cop???? SO GOOD i love this show omggg

“they see me cat walkin.................................................................... ............................................................................................they hatin”

aldahkajdhadjhadhja

LB: there IS something i’ve always wanted to do!!

LB: punches Volpina off a cliff

lmaoo

theyre both so sad to have to fight each other :(

but then chat just takes the fall aaaahh

oooo LB loves to use the cataclysm lol

how much focus does it take for her to keep track of moving all those illusions at once?? i mean not as complicated as Kwamibuster but still, wow

aaaaaahhhhh the way chat is just smirking when he comes back cause he KNEW she’d solve it omgshhh hes so in love i

chat saying he loves his time with ladybug the most and that he’d give up everything to just be with her :’’’’’’’’’)) excuse me while i go sob

i love that marinette just has max come to her house to play with her parents and not her lol (even though she ends up joining) she’s such a good friend

Okay that was a GOOD episode and anyone who thinks otherwise can fight me. It was a lot of fun, but still had it’s sweet and bittersweet moments AND gave a bit of foreshadowing with how stressed Marinette already is in her daily civilian life. Good good stuff.

#ml #ml season 3 #mls3 rewatch #ml gamer 2.0 #gamer 2.0 #x

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ubemango · 4 years

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hi ella, ur the only canadian i can think of so i wanted to ask u (don’t answer if u feel weird!!) but i recently committed to mcgill and it afraid i won’t fit in and don’t know the culture as well as well everyone else i guess. btw, i am american and from a relatively large, elitist california city lol. but the thought of not being able to make friends and what not is making me really stressed out and is making me question my decision to go to canada. do u have any advice? ❤️ love u

It’s not weird hehe!! First of all, congratulations on getting into McGill!!!! Montreal is a beautiful city and that’s a great school :3 Anywho, I’m happy you came to me for advice, I’ll try my best!!!

Culture-wise, here are some random tips:

Tim Hortons is the Canadian go-to for coffee/breakfast/what-not. If you like coffee, the way our orders go is instead of saying two cream/two sugar we just say “double double”. Tbh I’ve never heard anyone say single single LOLLLL But I’ve heard triple triple before

I’m pretty sure not a lot of people say this anymore but just in case: a loonie = $1 coin; toonie = $2 coin. Also we don’t have pennies anymore!

Montreal buses don’t have air conditioning from what I remember

?? I can’t really think of anything that might surprise you, Canada isn’t much different at all!! I would make a statement about colonization but that would not do much to help u!

Also just a thing now that you mention elitism: the way college and university works here (from what I know living in Ontario) is that a lot of people look down on college. College is more career-based here, meaning you have a lot of practical/hand-on training. You can usually get your certificate/diploma within two years. University, on the other hand, is more “academic”, and this is where you get your degree. So you can see that “divide” in like... being “more prestigious”, being “more learned” etc etc. It’s just really stupid and both my brothers went to college and are making MONEY and are happy so what I have to say to people who look down on college is *my middle finger*

Anyway, my first piece of advice on making friends: go to Frosh if you’re able to!!! Frosh is a great way to make friends—I’m pretty sure McGill’s lasts like a week ? And the drinking age in Quebec is 18 so I know a lot of people who went there who had the time of their liiiiiives 😭😭😭😭 But drinking isnt the only thing you need to do LOL. It’s just a really good time to mingle. The main thing you should try to do (if you end up going, and if its not cancelled due to COVID) is see who’s in the same program as you because you’ll be taking a majority of the same classes as those people! Also, there are usually Facebook groups that people create for their graduating year (for example, I’m in a group with all the graduates of 2022 of my university). The way we got to know each other in 2018 is we all posted our own intro posts lol!! Idk if McGill does that but look it up to see if it’s there :)

Second piece: look up the student directory and check out clubs you might be interested in! Usually programs will have its own student association. For me I have access to the political science SA, and the English lit SA as well. These associations can plan meetings that help you mingle with professors and students in your program. Also you can just check out some super mundane/low stakes participation clubs. I really wanted to join knitting club LOL but I was too busy

Also international students should have access to programs that help you get familiar with the city. The student centre has a loooot of resources for you to use and take advantage of—after all, it’s part of your tuition! So don’t be scared to talk to advisors because they’re there to help you navigate living in a new city and going to a new school! I will say though that they tend to be overwhelmed with a LOT of people coming in everyday, so sometimes wait times can take a whole day. It gets super frustrating on that front but again I will emphasize that they will try their best to help you!!!!!

I think what I would really like to stress here is that it’s okay if you don’t make friends right away. (I’m entering my third year next year and I can count on *one* hand how many friends I’ve made !! I’m not kidding!!) It might feel like you’re just floating in that sea of a student body but I proooomise you will find people to be friends with. Idk if McGill has tutorials for every class but those are sort of like little classroom-sized settings where you’re able to talk to other students and this is how I became friends with one of the friends I have now. Or sit next to someone who has an empty seat beside them during lecture!! I would do this and sometimes our profs would make us have discussions so I was forced to talk to these people LOL which helped me because I’m very shy, it’s very hard for me to start conversations just because

And just remember that A lot of those students are in the same boat as you. Post-secondary education is an entirely different ballpark of socialization and learning style. You’re all going through it together! It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and scared, I’ve been where you are. But I promise you it will be fun and it will be worth it!!! And because you talked to me about it, I’m saying right now, everything will be okay. I have a big head and therefore a big brain and therefore I’m really in tune with the universe and the universe is telling me to tell you that you will be fine:) If u need to talk more just send me another ask and I’ll open messaging for you 💖💖💖💖 I hope this helped even the slightest bit, I love u much ;-;

#a: adv

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tumblunni · 4 years

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Cute things I saw in that leaked video of Gloria walking around the starting town!!!

* YOUR HOUSE IS SUCH A CUTE CLASSIC COUNTRY COTTAGE AAA!!! I live in a more urban part of Wales but my nana lived in a place like that in Glastonbury so it's super nostalgic for me~

* Pokémon you pass in the field will now say lil squeaky noises automatically instead of having to click on them. They're like.. not full dialogue boxes? Instead of a big empty dialogue box just with "WOOLOOLOO" in it, a tiny box the size of the word will float up when you walk past them and wiggle around their head like a cloud. That's a cool idea to streamline it! Means that you don't miss the cuteness if you don't click on everything, and also it feels more atmospheric sorta.

* there's a lil baby budew outside your house near a wheelbarrow, and it's your first introduction to the floaty text boxes. I wonder if it's your mom's Pokémon, like the rhyhorn in XY?

* THEY ACTUALLY SPEAK IN BRITISH ENGLISH OH GOD I DONT HAVE TO KEEP REMEMBERING TO EDIT MUM INTO MOM IN MY POSTS

* Hop and Leon have a mum and grandma but it seems either no dad or he lives away from them. Leon also seems to live far away from his family, probably due to his job as champion. The game starts with Hop being your next door neighbour who might have been your childhood friend or somethin, and the adventure begins cos he's excited his brother is coming home to visit and he drags you along to the train station. I stopped watching there cos I don't wanna be spoiled for big plot elements, but I'm excited to see how that'll all turn into some legendary destiny plot like usual!

* Oh and also Hop calls his bro Lee as an affectionate nickname dawwwww

* Hop's dialogue is super funny and cute already, I love him! He seems a lot like Ron Weasley, honestly? That same sort of "kinda sassy sarcastic best friend comic relief guy", rather than how Hau was also comic relief and also a best friend but in a more innocent super pure kiddo kind of way. Hop seems more like a relateable slightly mischievous dude who always has a quip for everything, I could imagine him doing a Cheshire cat grin, lol! So I guess Ron Weasley crossed with Spiderman...?

* LEON HAS SO MANY HATS! Leon why u have so many hats omgggg. Did we ever see that in previous trailers? You see his room here and he has this weird trophy display case but it's all full of different Red-like baseball caps. It seems they might be referencing the OG anime thing of Ash's hat being an official Pokémon league merchandise prize. Like these are all the hats from every year of the league, or from different leagues around the world he's visited? Anyway, it was cute! And now I understand that fanart of him wearing a tower of hats, omg

* SCIENCE IS AMAZING GUY VISITS BRITAIN TOO omg he has a rather smart suit jacket this time. He says something about "trading Pokémon with less hassle than ever, any time any place when you're walking around". So I'm taking that to mean that it'll be like ORAS's PSS system that always runs as a supplimentary application, rather than having to enter a separate room like the Festival Plaza. Curious how that would work without a dual screen system, tho!

* NPCS INTERACT WITH THE ENVIRONMENT????!!!; I don't know why I'm so fuckin excited for this but it just looks so much more alive!! Instead of all of them just standing around in the same pose, here we saw a few doing idle animations just hanging out and stuff. There was a lil kid sitting on the wall swinging his legs back and forth and it's so adorable!

* WOOLOO ROLL WOOLLOO ROLL~ apparantly your player character lives near a Wooloo farm and they wander all around the town looking for cuddles from the humans~ the first thing you see when you leave your house is a bunch of Wooloo wandering around your lawn and being cute!!!!!!!!!

* it also foreshadows something mysterious, Hop helps guide a stray Wooloo away from a Mysterious Gate Into The Dangerous Hell Doom, Which No-one Shall Ever Enter. Like UHHH EXCUSE ME??? There's just this fuckin DOOM FOREST to the side of the town and everyone just acts all casual about how it's the DOOM FOREST and yeah just don't think about it. I think the name was "the Forgotten Weald"??? I'm fuckin assuming that's gonna be plot relevant later, LOLLLL

* everything is just so warm and soft and cute and the music is so nice and the environments are so well modelled and there's so much BRITAIN! Loads of just random things about ordinary houses here that I honestly never noticed were missing in other games until now. I just assumed the reason we never saw wheelbarrows in the lawn or whatever was to save cartridge space, not that other countries don't have that... That's so weird... I feel like when I first realized Americans don't have crumpets...

* HOP'S MUM'S KITCHEN LOOKS LIKE MY KITCHEN LOL

#pokemon spoilers

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quincywillows · 3 years

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hey maggie! i’ve been following you for so long and as my sophomore year of college is wrapping up soon (thank god, online school is the worst), i’ve found myself literally not doing a lot of enjoyable things that i would want to do or really creating/writing in time that i have away from homework/classes. i’m so curious as to how you created and did all of your writing for fun/fanfic things after already having to write so much for your major?

omg a long time follower... hello. hi my pal. so honored you’ve stuck around this long and my apologies that you’ve dealt with me for so long LOLLLL but happy to have ya! CONGRATULATIONS on finishing your sophomore year of college, especially in these crazy times. i really can’t imagine trying to do school productively in these circumstances, so i have a lot of respect for all y’all that are powering through -- hopefully you’ll get some sense of normalcy in the coming school year. i especially commend you, because sophomore year can be tough no matter where you go to school / what your major is (sophomore slump is a real thing). it was my hardest year of college by far, so mad props for doing the damn thing. you’re super powerful for making it and i’m proud of you!!! i hope you’re proud of yourself too.

this question... it’s a tough one. i hear ya. my first major piece of advice is let yourself rest and recharge if you need to rest and recharge. if your semester has just wrapped up, you might not feel the effects of that fully until a few days after you’re free of it. and it’s 100% okay to let your brain take a little break after being in school mode for so long. i totally get the instinct to feel like okay now that i’m free i have to take advantage of it as much as i can and jump right back into these things i love since i should have wanted to do them this whole time... but our brains are strange things. they need time and their own methods to process things, even in ways we don’t consciously realize we need, and sometimes a break is truly necessary. that means from everything that uses brain power, including those things we love so much. and i know it can feel guilt-inducing to just not do anything (like i said, i know that feeling all too well and am living with it Too Much at the moment), but if your brain needs the break, give it the break. don’t push yourself to write for fun if it ends up feeling stressful and not fun. so to start, try giving yourself a day or two with no expectations to write or be creative and just... relax. absorb some media for a change rather than crafting it (my go-to is always reading books when i’m not creating output these days). i would be willing to bet that if you let yourself breathe with no expectations for even a little while, you’ll start to feel your creative urges and instincts bounce back without even trying, just as you’re hanging out and vibing. that’s how it always goes with me, anyway!

once you get the recharge done and you’ve got some mental energy back, then the question remains -- how do we do creative things and stay motivated while we also have other stuff to focus on? i’ll be candid, for me, writing stuff for fun is the escape from writing stuff for work / school. like it keeps me creatively fresh on both fronts to be constantly playing around and working with different ideas, so i try to keep multiple projects going at one time for that exact reason. when i start to burn out on one concept, i jump into working on something else. (the only time this backfires is when everything is in an outline / brainstorm stage, like i am right now, which let me tell you is a whole other ballpark and my nightmare LMAO). but i think all this to say, part of it is just reframing how you look at the writing you do for fun. i dont think of it as stuff i’m doing On Top Of everything i’ve got going on, it takes equal importance and residency in my mind. they’re just different categories of output. in fact, i’m guilty more so of like working on the fun things when i’m supposed to be working on the Work work (hehe), but again, that’s another angle.

so then what are ways we can get inspired to jump back into the fun things, after reframing our mindset and after our recharge? for me, i have a lot of different things i do that keep writing fun for me. the main one -- and i cannot stress this enough -- is building a storytelling community of some kind where you can just have fun, bounce ideas around, and do writing in a very non-stressful environment. i’ve had friends like this since i was 11, and i owe all of them a life debt because they will never know how much they kept me going creatively. there’s just something very inspirational and creatively rich about having a group of people you feel safe to just throw ideas out to (and who you know actually enjoy listening to you ramble -- that one is crucial. i’ve had friends who i thought were those kind of people and then it ended up turning out pretty bad, and that can kill your creative buzz). for example, i would say 9/10 of the fun fanfic ideas i’ve written and shared started, in some shape or form, as me pitching it to my friends and getting to pop off about it and work out the bare bones with that test audience of sorts. plus, if you have writer friends, for example, this is something you can do for each other and not only build your creative friendship, but also support one another. that’s a key to the sprint method, and it’s how @ambitionsource gets written -- i don’t know if ambition would be almost through 3 seasons at this point if esther and i weren’t writing it together and constantly talking and chatting and brainstorming about it by feeding off each other’s enthusiasm. and in the real world, that’s basically what writing courses are for -- your peers and classmates are that community in that class. there’s something truly so invigorating about having that community, so if you can find that, i cannot recommend it enough.

but what can you do on your own? it’s not always easy to find that community, or if you don’t want to, and honestly sometimes its nice to just work creatively on your own with no interaction from others. for me, one thing i do is try to build the aesthetic around the project to get in the mood of it. for me, the biggest method to this is playlists. i’m a huge music junkie, so making a playlist (often times both vibes with lyrical musical and instrumental with movie scores) is like my immediate go-to when i need to tune in or flesh out a new idea and get in the zone. another thing i love doing that always gets me in the zone is doing character tests / alignments / etc. like personality quizzes are my shit, and i love doing it even more for characters. i’ll spend hours over time taking tests and assigning types and stuff just because not only is it damn fun, it really does flesh out character in ways you wouldn’t expect -- you have to step into their mind to answer questions and really think... like oh, how would x respond to y situation... and it’s really eye-opening sometimes! (hit me up if you want a list of the common personality tests i do for characters; i have a folder on my bookmarks bar lol). you can also try other creative things like making moodboards / pinterest boards, or making edits if that’s up your alley.

if all of that doesn’t seem to unblock your fatigue towards doing what you enjoy, my last piece of guidance -- and i know this sounds annoying, but bear with me -- is to just do it. even if you’re not Feeling It, do it anyway. for a little bit of time, bit by bit. that’s the whole conceit behind the sprint method, which takes writing and breaks it into bite-sized chunks. i’m a subscriber to the belief that writer’s block is a myth and isn’t real, and sometimes you really just have to push through your hesitation and do it. 9/10 times, when i do this, i find myself feeling so much more productive and happy and ready to write again once i just break that mental barrier. and whatever you do in that first breakthrough does not have to be brilliant, it’s just about getting back that energy and flexing those muscles -- especially if they’re rusty.

hopefully some of this will be helpful to you as you try to get your rhythm back! let me know if you’re still feeling stuck and maybe we can narrow in on what might be causing the fatigue. best of luck, writing legend!

#i'm so touched you've been following me for so long and feel comfortable coming to me for advice #i'm proud of you friend!!! you're killing it #writing gabs #writing tips #writeblr #writing #maggie.txt #Anonymous #ask and you shall receive

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doghokage · 3 years

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hi bestie<3

i've been off tumblr so i went back to read ur blog like the morning paper and i have a lot of thoughts and i have some small updates to share as well. hope that's okay :+) so 1) i saw your post about feeling stagnant and i relate and understand but just because you're not moving physically or off to a 'better' job (we both know that jobs are draining and exhausting and evil but we need to get paid...) doesn't mean you're any worse than your friends. your friends love you in spite of distance and that includes me and i also think that going through the motions is still something i admire about you. not everyone can just uproot themselves from somewhere they don't want to be at the age they're 'supposed' to. idk i have also been stuck where i wish i wasn't and keep trying to find a way 'out' but i remind myself of people like you that are still gifting me love despite how ugly things sometimes feel so i hope you feel my love too... giving u a hug 2) i'm excited that your playlist is public again.... very vulnerable but also you making that shared source of music public again.....love does persevere 3) your hair and skin look so healthy!! YOU do too! thank you for sharing post braid pix but 5 hours...... 2 yrs ago i had shoulder length braids and that took me FOREVER i cannae imagine five whole hours... 4) i love u.... i found my headphones again and will be listening to our playlist tomorrow.. i roller skate and got some new skates in my actual size (relatively big foot gang rise) so while i practice in the sun(!! it's been raining all week) i'll be thinking of you syd. thank you for continually sharing your presence with us i hope you have a wonderful wonderful weekend.. PS.. who knew ppl were still watching free! lmao a whole movie.....maybe i'll take a looksee.. also percy jackson movie .. every day i think we have more and more in common than we should. PPS.... i wish i was as tall as you 😔 sending love, light, and everything bright ! <3, z

Z BESTIE 🥺❣️ I really do look forward to getting your messages hehe I love penning my public love letters to you... they’re so fun! and ok hold on 🥺 I had to read this like 4 different times bc I kept crying like omg.... I really really needed to hear this because it is! so hard to watch everyone around you move on and have nothing change for you. but you’re right! life can be so ugly but love is really what makes it so special! my philosophy is that if something can’t be done with love, then it isn’t worth pursuing. the world can be so harsh and unforgiving... I try to do everything with the intention of love to counteract, you know? that’s so sappy LOLLLL but it’s me 💕 and YES hehe i’m happy to be sharing music again! you can tell a lot about a person based off of their music and I like learning more! and hehe me hair.... fun fact idk how to braid it... my mom used to do it for me when i was growing up so i never learned 🙈 will I ever? we’ll see! and Z i truly think we are connected because last week I was LITERALLY looking for roller skates to buy... this is a sign that we need to meet so you can teach me 😈 we can also watch the Free! movie AND Percy Jackson together too! I feel like we’d be an unstoppable pair, us two... until next time beloved, I’m sending you the moon and stars and everything else that glows <3 MWAH

#Z.... I love you so much 😭#Anonymous #Z

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riskeith · 3 years

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heya! <3

yes! despite everything bkdk understand each other very well which usually only happens by being around each other for so long and growing up together. not to go back to that ep again but what bakugou is basically saying throughout the episode is that he now sees midoriya as a threat (someone equal). aaah man i really miss that ep now. and that makes sense! todobaku is such a force to be reckoned with shsjsjsj. at the end of the day all those ships are great on their own. and yeah! i’d say kiribaku has been my main from the get go. i just Love their dynamic yk? how bakugou acts around kirishima just ahh.... <3

literally bruh... we have to wait a couple days for that like come on... give us the floating babies man. that sounds so cool?? he’s like towering over us? also why did that give me villain vibes? like corrupted chongyun.. yes please.. DON’T SAY THAT I’LL CRY. PLEASE DON’T SAY THAT I’LL LITERALLY CRY. ilysm just the thought ahh...

your barbara is like: ready for battle! and you’re like sweetie just gimme your bandaids please.. thank you now go back home... <3 i respect that. DILUC IS SO HOT. he’s so confident and cocky like ugrhrh 🥴 if not sexy why red themed? 🥴

no males here! feminist rights! bennett is our little special boy whom we love... <3 now that you put their names next to each other, i feel like xiangling would be such a good sidekick to the boy scouts don’t you agree? like you know how some friend groups have that one person that clicks with their dynamic well? that could be her! sjsjdksj can’t believe we’re making up whole ass headcanons about this game on tumblr asks.

that elements ranking is super legit. i agree with it mostly tbh!! maybe pryo higher though because everything burns and it’s pretty useful. i’d switch it with cryo tbh! otherwise we’d have the same ranking i believe... <3 and the diluc comment!! same!! this is based of the little characters i have and what i’ve seen on youtube tbh shskshdk so that might change when i get more characters.

oh no!! 😭 i’m actually super sad for you aaah you were so excited. hopefully you get him anyway and the gacha gods back you up hehe. honestly these 4 star characters seem so weird though? like noelle and xiangling...? that’s so odd. and no i need to save for venti i only have like 1k primogems rn so even i wanted i couldn’t haha.. i do like xingqiu but nah.

172 is super average here that’s even like... a bit on the smaller size KSKSSJSK (at least the white people ofc it’s different depending on the ethnicity) i’m not that ^ tall but i’m close! 167 cm! and god you’re so tiny holy shit my little pocket sized cluna...... you’re adorable my word 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 btw when’s your bday? just wondering 😏

notes app like the proper gay i am! i just think it’s gay culture to write everything down in the notes app tbh. (i don’t wanna say us bc i don’t know your sexuality but if you relate then change the i am to we’re hskshdskdh)

interesting. how long does your writing sessions last? do you write, write, write or do you have more of a set schedule?

i just listened to control and GOD???...... literally clone shiro tbh? can you find the edit perhaps? i’d love to see it. ok i took a break from writing this response to listen to show & tell and ooooh??? i LOVE this song instantly going to my playlist kshdjdksms. melanie has such dark pastel vibes how eerie. thank you for the recs!

yes ya books!!! i don’t think there is a series i haven’t read of those popular ones. dude i still only read ya books tbh shskdhdkdb. i find it harder to visit a library though so i can’t read as much anymore but i still love them. have you read carry on? simon and kaz has that relationship dynamic we oh so love.

xiao x venti has such a large fan base on twitter it’s so Insane. not complaining tho they look perfect together. idk if you’ve seen but look 🥺 https://twitter.com/bambzart/status/1346115096045441024?s=21 can’t believe we went from not knowing about ships to sharing daily fanart of ships shskjdjdk help

love u xx m.a.

hi hi~~

AHAH honestly talking about it makes me want to rewatch it too idk that i’ve ever done that in full.. yeah I get you! well deserved kiribaku is a good ship 😤 if not canon why so many good moments? lolol

omg wait villain vibes... corrupted chongyun.. YOUR BRAIN??????? FHDSKJFHSDKJ i legit wanna try!!! need to offer something anyway and surely changing the colour from white to black won’t be that difficult... that being said i’m still just playing the game rather than doing literally anything else lollll

LMAOOOOO yeah i really am sorry barbara.... but I really do appreciate being able to heal! since I don’t have a healder on my normal team it’s like wow? I don’t need to eat food or always visit the statues? LMFAO. HFDJFHKS IF NOT SEXY WHY RED THEMED!!!!!!!!!!! you’re so correct and you should say it .

yes!! xiangling would get along so well with them... the boys would probably love guoba too 😩😩 ugh that reminds me I saw someone say xiao’s banner should have had xiao + xingqiu + xiangling + xinyan.... could you imagine 😭😭. FSKFHDSJ look. we’re having fun and that’s all that matters!

everything burns but so do you!! hfkdsjfkhsfd. but nice nice nice you 🤝 me having the same rankings.. I’m just Attached to cryo bc of chongyun and also bc i went around with both him and kaeya in the same team for so long hfskdfjs.

yeahhh not sure LOL but people are saying they rotate the 4 star rate ups and it’s just their turn now.. hm. AHAH yes save for venti!! and then by the time he returns youll have like 200k primogems 🤪🤪

FSHDKSKJF yeah i was gonna say... i feel like people from sweden are probably pretty tall..... bc white people... HFKDSJFHDSFJKSDHFKSD. god that’s a solid 10cm+ compared to me..... wow story of my life........... hfsdkhfkdsjfhsdfks. and my birthday is october 20!! spring babie 🍃 when’s yours!!

(hfkjdshksdh it’s kinda complicated.... LOLOL but i appreciate the effort/offer hfsdkjfhsdkfjsdfhks)

hmm that kinda depends? if i have the time i’ll continue writing until it’s the AM hours and i force myself to go to sleep fhskjfds. but sometimes if i’m not particularly feeling it i’ll just stop and go to something else instead AHAHHA. (actually i do that even when i’m motivated lmfao) but yeah no actual schedule! if i’m writing a fic in response to something (a trailer, a new chapter, a new ep etc) I’ll just drop everything and write until I’m done with it. hbu?

IT IS LITERALLY!! CLONE SHIRO!!!!!!!!!!! i wish i could but i’m pretty sure it got deleted :(((( i had it saved back in the day but could never find it again so :(((((( fdhskfjs she does!! like it’s definitely a different mood for sure.. and no problem! it makes me happy you liked them 🤗

FJSFLJDKS i mean they’re good tho so makes sense 🤪 oooo do you always borrow your books? and no i haven’t!! but i’ve heard so many good things about it....... (have you read the legend series? i don’t think it’s as popular as the other YA novels out there but it’s definitely one of if not the top favourite of mine)

AHAHAH that’s what we call growth and character development! hfdskfs. and yeah i’ve seen that one!!! i remember twt going crazy that day over xiao and his flute.... also look at this https://twitter.com/yilong0416/status/1348383649050324992 <33333 (if you ever want ship arts of a ship - mostly xiaoven lol lmk i have some bookmarked!!)

loveee u 2 <33 c.r.

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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