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rockitmans · 1 year

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Ellipsis

A/N: This one is for @jazziergin who stumped me in the fic line game. She helpfully asked for Soulmate AU with a twist, obviously an easy thing to embody in a drabble 😛

But here we go, at least it's less than 1k this time. Hope you enjoy, love! Not convinced this counts as a twist but hopefully this is something different.

~~~~~~~

An ellipsis. That's what Kurt has tattooed across his wrist in the place that is meant to display the first words your soulmate says to you. A classic dot dot dot. The most mocking collection of punctuation ever conceived of.

He has theories. But most of those theories all kind of point firmly in the same direction. He's probably destined to die alone. Even if the ellipsis is meant to indicate something, how is Kurt ever going to find the person that is embodied by something as abstract as a pause?

He determinedly doesn't think about it when he gets to college. Either he'll find his soulmate or he won't. All he can do is keep an open mind and give himself the best possible chance of finding The One. He even signs up for an English Lit class with the absolute mammoth leap of logic that Lit students are much more likely to use an ellipsis in everyday speech than your average person. Like that’s something that’s likely or even possible to achieve.

He may be losing his mind.

He regrets the decision immediately when he finds out the lecture is at eight am. He slumps in clutching his coffee and thinking fondly of his bed. He should drop this stupid class. It's way too early and he signed up for dubious reasons and they're reading Lolita for God's sake. He doesn't need that kind of toxicity in his life.

The bad mood lasts until the exact second an incredibly cute guy slips into the seat next to Kurt. Dark curls and warm eyes and a tiny waist that Kurt kind of wants to wrap his hands around. Cute Guy tosses an absent smile of greeting in Kurt's direction and it's the most radiant thing Kurt has ever seen. Holy fuck. He thinks he's halfway in love already.

Kurt wants to say something, but is not caffeinated enough to manage witty repartee and this guy is hot enough to make him feel speechless on a good day. Instead, he goes to nod and then tries to change it to a wave. The result is that he just kind of twitches violently. Fuck. He’s lost it. A guy smiles at him and he’s completely lost it. He quickly grabs his coffee to try and cover for whatever the hell that just was and tries to pretend he’s anywhere else.

The guy touches his arm, three gentle taps with his finger, and Kurt's eyes snap up, only to be surprised when a notepad is slipped in front of him with a single line of text.

I'm Blaine. I'm not ignoring you, I just can't talk.

Kurt blinks, frowning. And then he watches Blaine get his phone out and start up a text to speech app and it clicks. Oh. He gives Blaine a thumbs up and Blaine smiles slightly and touches his ear. Right. Blaine can hear. Which means that Kurt doesn’t have to resort to gestures as well. But he’s an idiot. So of course he did. He genuinely can’t wait for this hour to be over so he can go and walk into a deep fog never to be seen again.

He does his best to focus on the lecture for the simple fact that the professor seems to be the sort to pick on people at random and he’s already suffered enough humiliation for the day without being caught not paying attention. It’s hard though. He can’t stop stealing glances at Blaine. He feels like he can’t breathe. His pulse is racing. He seriously wonders if he might be coming down with the flu or something.

He’s only dragged back into the moment by the most garbage take he’s ever heard a human being utter so confidently in a room full of total strangers. People usually save that shit for twitter.

"Humbert Humbert being a misunderstood genius is not the hot take I expected to be subjected to today," Kurt mutters before he can stop himself.

He hears the intake of breath. He practically feels the way Blaine stills beside him. And then Blaine moves in a flurry, tugging up his sleeve to expose his wrist, shoving it under Kurt’s nose. Humbert Humbert being a misunderstood genius is not the hot take I expected to be subjected to today, it says in slanting script.

Kurt's mouth drops open. Blaine gestures, pointing at Kurt's wrist, a question in his eyes. Kurt slowly turns his hand over to show the three dots neatly pressed against his pulse. Blaine frowns and starts to sign something out before remembering. He grabs his notebook instead, scrawling out some quick sentences.

Disappointed but not surprised to learn the soulmate system is so ableist. It can't even be bothered to have the first words I write to you? Unbelievable.

Kurt laughs. Mostly out of shock and relief and the feeling of a heavy weight being lifted so suddenly it's like he could float away. All this time he assumed that the dots meant his soulmate would never speak to him for the worst of reasons. But his soulmate is right here. Blaine is here. Blaine is his. He’s literally won the soulmate lottery.

"I thought you didn't exist," he whispers. "Because of this."

Blaine's eyes soften and he lightly brushes his fingers over the offending dots. But I found you, he writes.

"You found me," Kurt repeats shakily. And maybe that's where he was going wrong this whole time. Years spent fretting over what the dots meant and doubting that he was ever going to find his soulmate.

It just turned out that all along his soulmate was meant to find him.

#glee #my fic #klaine fanfic #klaine #i literally tag different every time #anway I tried!#jazziergin

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kihyuni3 · 10 months

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Enha as Part-Time Coffee Shop Employees

gonna be real I wrote this one during my shift today because it was extremely slow and I have been having a lot of enha brainrot lately.

College Student! Enhypen Headcannons

Warnings: absolutely no proof-reading, written in the worst format possible, no punctuation

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

hee:

- always gets the best tips because he flirts with every customer that steps foot in the shop

- (and i mean like every customer, he’s giving free treats to little kids while telling their moms how well they pull off their business casual work outfits. at least one college frat boy has left questioning his sexuality. and he also somehow got that old couple to blush and giggle while taking their order)

- honestly he’s just average at his actual job but he is just so confident that everyone believes he’s doing an exceptional job

- always singing along to the radio while he makes people their drinks, will serenade customers directly if they are close enough to the counter

- uses pet names when delivering orders

- (“here you go sweetheart” “your order is ready darling”)

- he is a manager because he’s been working there the longest and his customer service is immaculate

-doesn't usually enforce any rules or use his manager position but when he does...

-none of the other boys really respect his position as a manager (they forget he's a manager most of the time) even though he is the oldest and he has to tell everyone multiple times to do anything

-"hey man you gotta clean the espresso machine before you go" "haha yeah, very funny bro. i'm gonna clock out" "no I'm serious you actually have to do it" "oh shit, you were serious?"

jake:

- also gets good tips for flirting but unlike heeseung he is completely unaware that he’s doing it, he thinks he’s just being nice

- is so many people’s campus crush that there are quite a few regulars that have his schedule memorized and come in specifically when he is working to have a chance to talk to him

- sometimes he tries to joke with the customers but the jokes don’t hit

- (usually they still laugh anyway cause he’s cute and then don’t want him to feel awkward)

- gets confused sometimes and gets orders wrong but when the customer comes to tell him he’s so genuinely upset while apologizing with his cute pouty face that the customers usually end up just keeping the drink they were given and still tip him

- one time he dropped someone’s order and said fuck really loud in the store in front of someone’s kid, he spent the next 30 minutes apologizing even though the parents said it was fine and that they thought it was funny

- (whoever was on shift with him had to clean up the mess)

jay:

- runs his shift so tightly

- everything has to be going smoothly and the shop has to be clean or else he will have an aneurism

- will absolutely scold the other boys for making mistakes at full volume in front of customers and then when he turns to take their order his personality does a full 360 and he has his customer service voice on

- is a manager because he is actually good at his job and keeps the shop running smoothly

- gets so scared when he makes mistakes

- (“i’m the manager i can’t make mistakes like this” mentality)

- scared of getting fired even though he’s one of the boss’s favorite employees

- people will come in the shop to watch him work because he looks really handsome and chic in his apron and glasses

- but one time a girl tried to get his number and he got so nervous that he ended up spilling her drink or her shoes and then tripping when he came around the counter to clean it up

- she did not text him back

sunghoon:

- doesn’t talk much during his shift so everyone thinks he’s mysterious and intimidating

- he’s really just shy

- actually extremely clumsy

- cannot remember anyone’s order even if they’ve said it to him 6 times

- has broken the espresso machine more times than he will admit to

- your order will either take 30 minutes and be correct because he has to really think to remember or it will come out in a reasonable amount of time and be wrong

- customers do not complain because they are scared of him

- he actually knows that he messed up that persons drink so he started glaring so that they don’t bring it back because he will get in trouble if he gets another complaint

- secretly really funny and makes a lot of jokes with his coworkers so everyone loves being on shift with him even though he makes mistakes

- he is one strike away from getting fired (his boss told him this but doesn’t actually mean it, they think he’s a good kid he just needs to get it together)

sunoo:

- knows every regular and remembers everything about their lives

- knows all of the campus drama because he is so easy to talk to

- (is he in the art club? no. does he know that two members have a crush on the president but he’s actually gay and in love with his best friend? yes, of course)

- gives customers extra pastries or upgrades their drink size if they tell him good drama

- honestly he works kind of slow but he talks to every customer while he’s working so they don’t realize how long their order took at all

- (he’s putting cute art on the top of drinks so it always takes longer than normal)

- is also really good at talking customers into getting extra pastries or cookies with their order even if they only came in for one drink

- the boss put him in charge of making all of the signs and decorating the store because he’s the best at figuring out aesthetics

- gets mad if the other boys move his displays without asking

- if he sees a customer he recognizes outside of work he will go up and say hi to them

jungwon:

- just really good at his job

- picks things up really quick, new special menu item? he looked at it one time and can already make it perfectly

- the shop is also the cleanest whenever jungwon is on shift

- is everyone’s favorite manager

- in charge of training new employees because he is the only one who ever actually knows what’s going on (and he's nicer than jay when it comes to newbies making mistakes)

- the only employee that never gets any complaints

- so sweet to every customer and makes sure to ask them how they are and all about their day while they wait

- (he genuinely cares and isn’t just asking to be polite)

- gives the best advice to customers and ends up getting really good tip because of it

- is so nice to the customers even if they are a little bit rude to him

- (except for one time a customer was rude to sunoo while they were on shift together and he was actually prepared to go to jail)

- gets paid the most but don’t tell the other guys

ni-ki:

- you know when niki is working cause the music is absolutely blasting over the speakers

- has literally never been on time once

- (consistently pulls up to his shift 45 minutes late)

- honestly he’s not very good at his job but he’s goofy and fun to talk to so people don’t mind

- only gets about 50% of the orders right even though he was the one who wrote them down

- refuses to clean anything

- for some reason every older woman that comes in the shop absolutely loves him and will ask other employees about him if he isn’t on shift that day

- gets everyone’s names wrong on their order on purpose cause he thinks it’s funny

- (if they correct him he pulls the foreigner card and then they get really awkward)

- ((will laugh about it after they leave))

- probably should’ve gotten fired by now tbh but the owner just thinks he is such a sweet boy and doesn’t have the heart to ask him to leave

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

best work combos:

jay and niki:

- the store is in complete chaos niki is messing up everything and jay has to follow behind him no fix things while apologizing to the customers.

- niki keeps turing up the music and jay keeps turing it down but then the second he isn’t paying attention niki turns it up again

- customers think it’s funny and still end up getting the correct orders so they don’t mind.

- in the end it works out because jay gets a lot of tip because customers can tell how exasperated he is and niki basically doesn’t have to do anything the whole shift cause jay doesn’t trust him so he just gets to have fun.

jungwon and sunoo:

- just feels like hanging out with friends while in the shop

- the environment is so calm and friendly that customers just want to spend all day there and usually end up ordering more than once just to hang out longer

- every customer gets their own personal therapy session while waiting for their drink

- a customer is having boyfriend problems? jungwon is listening intently and letting the customer vent while sunoo is telling her to dump his ass and to know her worth

- everyone leaves the shop feeling refreshed from both the drink and the nice conversation

jake and heeseung:

- tbh the service was average and so were the drinks but everyone will leave the shop with their heart fluttering and butterflies in their stomach

- they also have the best work playlist

#enhypen drabble #enhypen fluff #enhypen reactions #enhypen scenarios #kpop #kpop reactions #kpop scenarios #kpop texts #enhypen headcanons #enha scenarios #enha reactions #enha soft hours #enha headcanons #enhypen soft hours #enhypen college au #enha college au #enhypen coffee shop au #enha coffee shop au

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tj99er · 3 months

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I'm sick and tired of social media, but I can't stop myself from logging in to Twitter and looking at toxic discourse. I still don't know what's wrong with me...

When it comes to curbing a social media obsession, will-power alone often isn't enough and there is nothing wrong with you for struggling with that.

As much as I love the internet and the social media found amongst it, most social media websites are intentionally designed to be addictive.

But IMO social media is still worth engaging with as long as the media that keeps you coming back is something that makes you happy.

But with Twitter in particular, I've noticed that, more and more, that is no longer the case. When it reaches that point, you should

0. Identify when it reaches the point of obsession. Of realizing that a hub of your free time has gone from something you enjoy engaging with to one that is involuntarily stealing your attention and making you unhappy.

When you do inevitably notice this, there are a number of steps you should take, either short term just to redirect your focus or long-term if you're committing to a full exitus like I have been.

1. Uninstall the app from your phone. No good can come from having the source of your problems in your pocket and 1 button press away. AT BARE MINIMUM remove the shortcut from your phone's background. It is more confrontational to delegate your primary Twitter access as something you can only see on your main computer.

At least there, any time you spend on Twitter is directly proportional to the time you could spend doing literally anything else. This should automatically make you care less about it since now competes with everything else you could possibly want/need to so and it can no longer permeate the between-spaces of your day as much.

If you're like me and the main reason you keep your Twitter account at all is to keep up with notifications...

1b. Stop ALL forms of non-essential posting INCLUDING RETWEETS of things you like. After being conditioned for years as the guy who retweets every Orin post he sees, this has been a slow unlearning process, but for every single post you make - even if it's just sharing someone else's art - is an open prompt that gives you more reason to return.

Copy a link and share it in a discord server if you MUST, but any time you open the website and see a number next to the notification tab, it is a validation that you have reason to keep coming back.

If limiting it to your main computer isn't enough...

2. Completely log out. You know what's even more confrontational than needing to already be in your recreational space? A big ass screen plastered with the website's branding that requires you to manually enter your information.

If your browser has your login info saved, remove that shit. Your mission is to make signing into your account as inconvenient as possible.

Doing this much has historically been enough to keep me away most of the time, but some people may need to go farther...

3. Change your password. Create a completely incomprehensible and string of characters and store it somewhere inconvenient, but in a place you will never lose it. This is where things can get a bit risky, but if you truly and utterly misplace your password, you got a recovery email and 2FA for a reason.

And if forcing yourself to jump through all of these hoops isn't enough, you may just have to face that it's time to

4. Delete your account. Look, if you are struggling to control yourself to a point where you can STILL notice your usage habits are out of your own control - even after jumping through every single one of these hoops - this is an extreme problem and the time for cautious self-created barriers is probably over.

If you truly and utterly can't fight off the urge to return to a platform that you can confidently recognize as being harmful to your well-being, then the only thing left to do is to give yourself nowhere to return to.

Take a day to archive any personal favorite posts or bookmarks, and wipe the slate clean. Twitter may very well continue existing but you can at least ensure your own space within it does not.

Just as your addiction can be fed by the press of a single button, so too can it be cut off. Social media is given value through the connections you make over it. Although you technically CAN just create a new account, it will never be the same as your old one and that gives way you less to return to.

#tjytcomments #social media #addiction #obsession

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aeryssickfics · 3 months

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Prompts to Come

Putting these out there for the curious! But also because if anyone has prompts/suggestions/etc I'm willing to hear them! I have. A Good Chance of coming up with ideas for prompts as I go or even realizing I can combine things together but y'know this is where I am

I have completed the Genshin Impact main story. So that's a thing. Also willing to take Honkai Impact 3rd and Star Rail Prompts. Other fandoms I may be willing to entertain are ff7, ffx, yoi, rwby, and atla. I make no promises for anything in the 'may be willing to entertain' section tho)

~~~

Choose: Loud or Silent is ???

Totally Drained/Exhausted: Kiamei! From Honkai Impact 3rd. Kiana exhausts herself preparing for a (lengthy) visit from Mei on the moon, in addition to her own very important tasks as Finality. She starts feeling bad before mei arrives, but hides it until she Cannot anymore. pretty much instantly melts into a puddle of exhausted upon Mei's notice tho bc she Can't anymore.

Group Sickfic: i'm not confidently sold on anything but I'm currently leaning towards either the HSR nameless via food poisoning or some variation of the Sumeru Cluster with ??? ideas not solid. Both may eventually be written. I'm leaning into the nameless group fic at the moment. The sumeru cluster... Will Happen. At some point.

Professionalism Failure: STRONGLY considering Alhaitham getting sick during a meeting bc he thought he could keep himself under control. ... not sure if reluctant Cyno dealing with him or Kaveh. Stay tuned!

free day: Kiana tried say something, she really did. But Himeko didn't really believe her since she had a habit of trying to get out of class. Fast forward to that evening when Himeko finds her in the bathroom dazed with a fever, etc.

sick for the first time: Stelle [HSR] has no memories of Before and so as an adult trailblazer gets to be sick "for the first time". It's miserable, but March and Dan Heng take good care of her.

Unfamiliar Surroundings: Su becomes violently ill unexpectedly while sharing a bed (mostly platonically) with Kevin. Set in a nebulous au where Kiana was able to restore his body via manipulation of the imaginary space. ... and didn't kill Kevin for Reasons:tm:. Anyway! Su isn't familiar with the space and without being able to use his mantis powers is also blind. (Honkai Impact 3rd)

Sick in More Ways than One: trailblazer! probably stelle! leaning into the stelleron doing weird shit! Thinkin she picks up something from the crew just in general but it's not Bad:tm: and then she also goes to help herta with SU stuff and things go... south due to a weird interaction in the SU!

late caretaker: Abyss Prince Aether extremely unwell and all he can think about is the way his sister used to hold him, would have taken care of him if things were different. Fate brings them back together, if only for a little while.

sleepy sickie: Shortly after they're reunited in the Chasm, Lumine realizes something is wrong with Xiao-more than his exhaustion, though it certainly plays a factor in everything. He's tired, all the wants to do is sleep. But he's injured and fevered and it gets worse, before it gets better.

subtle support ??

panic: sick kaeya set during Diluc's travels away from Mondstadt. ft diluc's vision almost going out.

cranky sickie ??

nonverbal illness indicators: I'm Attempting to formulate a Neuvi/Wrio thing here. Set probably before the scenario of the game. They don't leave their respective stations often, and it would figure that one of the rare times they do find time to be in the same space Neuvi finds himself unwell. He conceals it, but Wrio is learning how to tell.

head pain/injury/ache: Fu Xuan has a migraine, and perhaps should be resting instead of working, but Jing Yuan has not returned to full duty and someone must hold down the Luofu, after all. (Jing Yuan is not particularly amused)

chaotic body temperature ???

Fake "Faking it":

Possible Alts:

Sick During Transit (& Unconventional Receptacle): Furina becomes motion sick on her first trip on the aquabus. Her receptacle of choice is... odd, to say the least.

Shaky/Shivery:

(this list is teaching me I might use too much plot in my sickfics but im not really sorry about it)

#sickfic #taking prompts/suggestions

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celestiall0tus · 3 months

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Bloody Bug Information

Alright. Now, with the completion of the Bloody Bug Prelude, I will be moving into a full canon divergence with Alix as the main lead. I will be starting with the Origins episode (as it is only fitting in this case) and then move into Stormy Weather.

I will progress through the season 1 episodes as I make my way to season 2. Now, not all episodes will be written out, but I'm expecting that more later on than now.

Now I come to Alix. I will need to flesh her out a tad more. She has a little more to her character than some of the others in the show, but I'm going to be adding a little something that I feel should be in character for her. I will be keeping her self-confidence, boldness, forwardness, kind nature, but have her a little more distant and harsh in the beginning. More like the classic tough girl that is dragged along much to her dismay. She'll have a touch of rebellion, but not like what I've written her to be in the past. She will have a bit of a sailor's mouth, but, again, not as bad as I've written her to have in the past.

Now, some changes I do intend on making moving forward:

Chloe won't be going through her damnation arc (say what you want, I do acknowledge that it was a damnation arc, not a redemption arc. So, shove it) and have something more akin to a redemption arc. This ultimately boils down to Alix being the main heroine and her choices will vary differently compared to Marinette in later seasons.

There will be different people for certain miraculous, though I cannot say at this time who will have what. I will know more when I start writing.

I will also be tossing the notion in the later seasons of "always be happy." I get why they did it, but fuck that is garbage as hell. With this will come shakeups in the dynamics of, well, everyone.

Flaws will be added to other characters to flesh them out a little bit more and give me substance to work with. I will do my best to keep in character as much as possible, but yeah.

Some things I'm on the fence about:

The senti-cousins. I know it was a large part of later seasons, but I truly never got the feeling that either boys (or even Kagami for that matter) were senti-monsters, even with the introduction of Mayura's powers. As of right now, I'm not sure I'll have that in this AU.

I'm doubtful I will make Alix the guardian as Marinette was in the show.

Things I will be keeping (because I'm a bitch and a drama whore):

The plot of Chat Noir hitting on Bloody Bug. I have fun ideas of where to take that.

Gabenath. That shit was a fucking toxic carnival of one-sided love and sacrifice with the other leading them on and it was fucking glorious. You bet your ass I'm keeping it.

Marinette's obsession with Adrien (yes, I said obsession, cry about it). This will cause beginning tension with Marinette and Alix that I'm going to absolutely love.

Now, this isn't in the show, but a vital point of Bloody Bug in the prelude, but her ruthlessness and willing to do what was needed. I will be carrying that over to Alix in this and have her style of hero fall more into that line of an anti-hero.

I think that is all for now. Anything you hear about this moving forward will be the story itself.

#miraculous #miraculous ladybug #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #miraculous au #alternate universe #au #bloody bug au #au info #ml au info

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eriexplosion · 4 months

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Clone Wars - Rookies

Now that I've got a laptop I can actually type on... time to get back into the rewatch with AN EPISODE THAT WILL PAIN ME.

'The best confidence builder is experience' yeah assuming that you get to have that and don't just get brutally killed on your first assignment. If you get past all of that, then you can get confidence building experience.

Unfortunately, because of the relentless demands of battle, many young clones must join the struggle before their intensive training has been completed.

LIKE COME ON. I'M FERAL. THEY DIDN'T EVEN GET TRAINED FULLY AND WERE SENT OUT ANYWAY. Tragic how that Just Has to Happen, there's no other way we definitely can't recruit people that aren't clones and have volunteered for this. That's impossible, sorry.

*checks time* we're at about 40 seconds now, I'm going to be so normal about this. Sooooo normal.

God though do I love Echo. I LIKE THAT IT'S SO QUIET OUT HERE :D GIVES ME TIME TO CATCH UP ON THE REG MANUALS :D what a nerd. A precious, precious nerd. Who knew that in a few short years they would be running around with a squad full of unadulterated chaos like the batch?

Shout out to Sergeant O'Niner for extreme handsomeness, I just love the greying look, so sue me.

Also Obi-Wan getting after Anakin for not sleeping, this is likely such a long running argument. I seem to remember the ROTS novelization said something about how Anakin didn't sleep for pretty much the entirety of it. BAD HABITS WILL GET YOU IN THE END. One day you're skimping on sleep to find General Grievous and the next you haven't slept in five days and you've murdered the younglings.

I love "Good man, that Cody" how often does Obi-Wan just randomly compliment Cody the instant he hangs up?

Hevy is so unimpressed by the meteor shower, in one last bit of humor before clone boys start dying. O'Niner's death is particularly brutal with the POV shot of three blasters gunning him down, but I hate all of it 😭Wasting absolutely no time cutting the clone numbers in half, including poor, unfortunately named Droidbait. (I can't get over that name, I simply can't. Nothing says awkward like memorializing your comrade Droidbait, who was murdered by droids.)

Also the specific way the droid changes its voice, the grabbing at its neck and apparently physically forcing its voice module into a clone voice. Upsetting to look at! But worth it for 'we do not need an inspection! Everything's fine! :)' Maximum suspicious behavior. And Cody's main reaction is just 'you know what? I need this to not be my problem. Rex is in charge.' I feel like we underestimate the amount of Little Shit Cody can be when he feels like it.

Mid typing of course, Cutup got eaten by an eel. RIP. I do feel like this part is played a little too lightly, they call out Cutup's name and say poor Cutup and all but no one seems all that like, distressed, that he's gone. At the very least that's 25% of their remaining manpower! Show some concern guys!

Moving on though, this lighting is doing Cody's paint job no favors.

I do love how unnerving the droid pretending to be a clone is though. Droid like 'how do clones act? Gestures? They gesture right?' and proceeds to do it in the worst way possible.

Rex is showing off a great dichotomy here, with Anakin and Ahsoka he always comes off as the cool headed one that tries to do things by the book, but when he hauls off and shoots the suspicious 'clone' in the face, Cody is HORRIFIED AND CONFUSED. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? One squad's voice of reason is another squad's absolute lunatic.

Speaking of characterization notes, I still find it a little odd that Fives has gotten the full party boy characterization of the Echo & Fives set in fanon when he's almost as rigid as Echo here, at least when set against Hevy. He introduces himself to Rex and Cody by his CT number and it's Hevy that fills in their actual names. I feel like he loosens up over the show, but he's definitely more by the book than people give him credit for. The real difference between the two as set up seems to be that Fives is a little more assertive (but kind of quieter) to Echo's soft spoken but chatty personality.

HANDPRINT THOUGH, HANDPRINT HANDPRINT. Literally if I could change one (1) small thing about TBB it's that I would give Echo back their handprint. I hate that they don't have it, it's integral damn it.

Rex breaking back in is still one of my favorite parts. Holding up the severed head up to the camera while Cody just goes THIS IS NEVER GOING TO WORK. Give him some credit, Cody, he knows what he's doing.

"Permission to take point, sir?" "I'm always first, kid."

Every day, Rex is just out here being unspeakably attractive. (And Echo is being unspeakably cute. "I GOT ONE :D")

Rex yet again showing his insane levels by going straight to 'guess we blow the whole place up' as his battle plan. No chill in this man, none at ALL.

Also, the detonator not hooking up with the handset. I can't believe that Hevy gets killed by fucking. Bluetooth issues. Imagine that your life rests on getting two pieces of technology to fucking communicate with each other. And Rex and Cody's immediate reaction is they need to GO BACK AND GET HIM RIGHT NOW, no one wants him to sacrifice himself, that wasn't what he was supposed to do when Rex left him to fix the detonator. I'm sure he gets hella survivors guilt from that. He left the rookie behind, it probably feels like his fault that Hevy is gone. Just pile the problems on him, just do it.

Echo having a tendency to make questionably timed jokes is. Certainly something. Like, Cutup gets eaten by an eel - that's why the regulations say don't go outside! Hevy gets blown up - Hevy always did hate that place! Like. Baby. Do you have to say that NOW? They perhaps have some filter issues.

Triumphant ending! Everyone except these two has died horribly! But they have medals you see!

It's still one of my favorite episodes though. All clones all the time, lots of chances to fawn over my boys, I can never turn that down. Echo my beloved ❤️

#the clone wars chrono rewatch

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katieskarlette · 6 months

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I watched the trailers and read the Blizzcon '23 stuff on WoWhead.

Meh. Not the spark I was looking for to rekindle my passion for the game.

(Morose lack of enthusiasm for 11.0, and Shadowlands postmortem below.)

Instead of getting hyped for upcoming content, it just makes me feel bad about how little I care anymore.

I used to be on the edge of my seat, palms sweating, happily freaking out about new cinematics and new expansion releases. I would plan ahead and take time off to watch the Blizzcon livestream, and stock up on food I could eat while glued to the screen. Today I got home from work and turned on my computer...and only then remembered that Blizzcon was today. After seeing the trailers and stuff I'm like, "Okay. I guess that's fine. Whatever." [Garrosh voice] Times change. [/Garrosh voice]

I didn't expect the news about upcoming expansions to knock my socks off, though. If Dragonflight, an expansion that was practically custom-made to focus on my favorite lore, didn't rekindle my love for WoW, nothing was going to.

That said, I'm still underwhelmed. I can't say that Alleria, Thrall, and Magni are characters I'd be super excited to hang out with. (It was a nice touch to have Thrall going gray, though.)

Xal'atath (sp?) is pretty cool but forgive me for being wary considering the track record for female villains in this franchise.

Anduin...very mixed feelings there. I'm glad he's back, and it was nice to hear Josh Keaton's voice again. I don't recognize him physically anymore, except those baby blue eyes, which is probably why the cinematic spent so much time zoomed in uncomfortably close on his face. I get that that's the point, that he's grown up and gotten grizzled, but he looks and feels like a completely different person.

I think part of the problem is that we didn't get to see him changing. He went from dropping his sword to resurrect an army and being stubbornly optimistic in BFA, to weary but still full of the Light in the cutscenes with Sylvanas in Torghast, to completely blank (save one glimmer) while under Zovaal's domination, to this broken, unstable, self-loathing shell of a man in the 11.0 cinematic. Even if we're generous and count the tiny conversation with Sylvanas at the end of her novel, we have to just imagine what happened to him in between then and now. It's okay to ask the audience to fill in some implied developments, but this is jarring. (I suppose it's possible we'll see more characterization in-game between now and then. I'm not optimistic, though.)

I imagine Anduin will go through an arc where the Light comes back to him, or he finds some kind of peace again and reclaims his throne, but I don't have the patience to wait around for it to happen, or the confidence that it would be done well.

I also can't separate the character's angst with the real-world consequences of Shadowlands sucking as hard as it did. Yeah, Anduin, you've been through absolute hell--so have we. You haven't recovered--and neither have I.

When they had him do the "Arthas pointing Frostmourne just left of the camera lens" pose, instead of going "Ooh, I recognize that! That was cool!" it just reminded me of all the times they did fanservice callbacks to the Lich King in Shadowlands, only to shit all over that part of lore. That's the last thing I want to be reminded of.

It was a bold move to reveal the names and story hooks of the next two expansions, but rather than whet my appetite it just removed the hope that "maybe the next expansion will be better." Nope, it'll be more of the cosmic bullshit that I don't care about: Light, Void, Titans, etc. It's okay in small doses, but it's not the kind of story that pulled me in and made me fall in love with the world.

I hate to say it, but this might be the nail in the coffin for me. I definitely miss the glory days of WoW when it was a huge part of my life and I got so much enjoyment out of it, but I'm beginning to realize that those days aren't coming back. When I think of all the hours and dollars I invested in the franchise it makes me want to cry--not that I regret any of it. I just wish the spark hadn't gone out for me.

I had been so immersed for so many years that maybe it was just time for it to run its course. The social climate has also changed a lot for me, from a thriving guild during MoP, to sporadic bursts of people logging on in Legion and early BFA, to a ghost town in mid-to-late BFA and SL. Strangers can be rude and elitist, making pugging more stressful than fun. I've also been concentrating a lot on my own original writing in the last year.

Those are factors, to be sure, but I do have to lay a lot of the blame on Shadowlands. I had gotten past so-so expansions before. Cataclysm wasn't the best, but all the Firelands stuff was fun, and some of my favorite dragons got screen time. MOP was freaking fantastic. WoD was a dud expansion for me, but there was enough to keep me busy and playing right up to the end. Legion was awesome. BFA wasn't great, and the loss of Teldrassil left a very sour taste, but it had good leveling content, some fun characters, and generally enough stuff going on to tide me over. It was going in a pattern of great expansion, not-so-good expansion, great expansion, not-so-good expansion, and that was okay.

Then Shadowlands came, and it was grimdark, overly serious, cosmic-scale stuff, headed by the most aggressively boring villain the series had ever had. There were a ton of new characters, and, except for Denathrius, Renathal, and Theotar (and Merileth and his slimes, in small doses), none of them interested me. The game systems somehow became even more fiddly, complicated and confusing time sinks than they were in BFA. The afterlife setup barely made sense, conflicted with past lore, complicated future lore, and was ultimately depressing as hell--you probably won't spend eternity with your loved ones, and even if you do, you'll probably end up as a blip of red energy that gets consumed and then cease to exist at all. That's just how I want to imagine all my favorite Warcraft characters ending up! (We probably didn't see Tirion Fordring because some blue guy in a toga needed his anima to grow better grapes. FFS.)

But the worst aspect of Shadowlands, IMO, was the way the pre-existing characters were done dirty--every single one of them.

I don't know you manage to take one of the greatest paladins of all time, then turn him into fiery overlord of the undead, and have him be boring, but there's Bolvar. Get that man a throat lozenge and some personality. Taelia got cameos in which they mentioned their relationship, but nothing ever came of it. He was a father figure to Anduin in the king's youth, but you wouldn't know it by what they did/said in SL. Going by BFA and SL, freaking Saurfang was more of a father figure to Anduin than Bolvar, who literally raised him for several years of his childhood.

Nathanos got an epic sendoff courtesy of Tyrande in the prepatch, then got teased a few times without ever appearing or mattering again.

Sylvanas was a mess. I don't need to get into details; we all know the trainwreck of a story. The concept of making her soul complete again so she had to come to terms with what she had done was a promising one, but it was handled so clumsily and briefly that it was ultimately frustrating.

The less said about the Jailer, the better. I wanted so badly to like Zovaal, but he was the most flat, boring, paint-by-numbers Saturday morning cartoon villain in the franchise's history. Not interesting, not sympathetic, not fleshed out, not funny, not charismatic, not sexy, not scary--none of the things past Blizzard villains had going for them.

Uther's story was one of the better ones, but because of how closely tied it was to Arthas' story, and the unforgivably bad way that was handled, it ultimately fizzled.

Thrall was...fine? The bits with his mom were neat, but I couldn't stop thinking about what a crappy afterlife it would be to constantly fight, spy, scheme, and play politics, all while the supposed love of her life is nowhere to be seen. Poor Durotan.

Baine famously, frustratingly, amusingly in an if-you-don't-laugh-you'll-cry kind of way, did jack squat in the entire expansion. I know his arc got cut for time, but regardless of the reason he was yet another character whose involvement in SL was disappointing.

Jaina was wasted. Her history with Arthas (and, to a lesser extent, Anduin) could have made for some memorable, heart-wrenching story, but instead she was just a generic sorceress. That was especially disappointing given the respectful, deep treatment her character got in BFA. I know not every character can have the spotlight in every story arc, but the complete lack of personality she had in SL was especially jarring in contrast.

Anduin's arc should have been interesting, but we never got into his head enough to really feel what he was feeling. We had that glimpse of his horror after stabbing the Archon, and he left his father's compass as a clue, but those were fleeting moments open to interpretation and not enough to offset the blank slate we got the rest of the time. Even that would have been forgivable, given the limits of storytelling in a game, but the thing that sticks in my craw the most is that constant, blatant Arthas parallels led to...nothing. Anduin would have been just as devastated to be mind-controlled into doing evil stuff even if Arthas had never existed. Arthas meant nothing to Anduin. The only time he met the man was as an infant. They weren't related. Nobody in-universe was comparing them. Garrosh compared himself to Arthas in the War Crimes novel, and Anduin fleetingly thought about Arthas when he befriended Calia in Before the Storm, but that's it. Even as hokey as it would have been to make Anduin secretly Jaina and Arthas' son, at least that would have explained two expansions' worth of in-your-face parallels between the two characters. But no. It all came across as fanservice--or fan teasing--and had no payoff.

Speaking of Arthas, arguably the most famous and recognizable character in the franchise (competing with Illidan and Scantily-Clad Female Night Elf #17 for the top spot)...

After being teased about his possible involvement or whereabouts all expansion long, after they milked every possible drop of nostalgia out of his story in an attempt to make SL palatable, after all the flashing red arrows calling our attention to parallels between him and Anduin, despite his importance to three prominent characters (Uther, Sylvanas, and Jaina), Arthas never did anything (boss mechanics don't count), never had a line of dialogue, never appeared in a form we recognized, got insulted and belittled by Sylvanas one last time, and disappeared in a flicker of blue plasma that was less impressive than a drunk frat boy lighting his farts with a match.

So yeah. Toss Shadowlands in the trash heap (except Sire Denathrius). It was so bad it tainted the entire franchise for me, so that I couldn't even enjoy the long-awaited dragonpalooza that followed.

Phew, that was a long rant, and the first time I've written about WoW in ages. I guess it just goes to show that I have deep roots in the franchise that come along with strong feelings--which makes it all the harder to accept that I may not even buy the next expansion. I suppose I'll weaken when the time comes, but I'm certainly not shelling out for the collector's edition or other bells and whistles.

But then the Li'l Wrathion in-game pet stares at me from another browser tab, and I think about the new Wrathion plushie, and I'm like...DAMN IT, why couldn't you have done this years ago? :(

Anyway, sorry to be a downer, but I'm kind of in mourning, in a weird way, as I come to terms with the way I feel--or more importantly, don't feel--about Warcraft now.

#negativity ahoy #rambling about wow

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ballet-symphonie · 2 years

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youtube

Absolutely mandatory viewing - a truly spectacular DQ.

Highlights include:

0:00 Renata's stunning series of temps de flèche

2:57 Renata doing an assemblé so high that her head nearly goes outside of the camera frame

3:36 Act 1 Pas de trois, finishing with Kimin's signature consecutive double tours

4:14 Kitri's act I variation, complete with triple piqués en dehors and backbreaking leaps, all at whirlwind speed.

4:54 The superman Kimin, with one arm press lifts to both sides!

5:38 Charming Renata, so expressive in her eyes to go along with razor-sharp balances and mindblowing turns, ending the dizzying diagonal with a double piqués en dehors with her arms over her head.

7:58 Love how she jumps so freely into his arms with her head completely thrown back, so exciting!

8:40 Kimin's acting, so cute, he can't possibly even fake being angry with his Kitri, followed by lots of head-shaking DRAMA

8:58 That smirk, I'm dead. PLUS THE KISS TO THE AUDIENCE. Love the pandering that is DQ

9:47 Just too cute, have no further words. Renata's expressions are beyond adorable especially when she cheekily asks for more kisses. HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD YOU TWO

9:57 Ahh yes, she remembered now. Here comes the pageantry, especially effective with her fluttering her big doe eyes

10:25 Haven't seen this before, Kimin lovably tugging on Renata's skirt, "Hey, we're doing this gig to get hitched remember! Eyes on the prize!" Their expressions and chemistry is just pure gold.

11:19 Love how playful Renata is in the entree, with deep cambrés and bold arm and head movements, especially as she finishes the pirouettes. Very attractive to see the character of Kitri still shining in the grand pas.

11:54 Flawless lift. Notice Renata's superb coordination, in order to catch the music on time, she prepares her arms to start the turns while coming down from the lift.

12:20 Full split grand pas de chat with no momentum into the adagio preparation SO EXTRA, SO DON Q, I'M HERE FOR IT

12:30 "I'll just make a couple timestamps, I won't go crazy".....I lied to myself. But but this fouette is just too good, Kimin transitioning with both arms stretched wide to show her off. Renata's eyes just make me fall in love and I'm obsessed with her sassy transition into 4th position en pointe.

12:54 WHAT A MOMENT. TIME LITERALLY STOPPED....moving on

13:02 I promise I'll stop timestamping every 10 seconds but like, that arabesque balance is how every balance should be. Classy, without showboating, an active choice on when to exist, no needless 4th wall breaking, perfectly musical.

13:20 The pirouettes? Stellar. The transition out of it? Even better.

13:44 SHe's so confident here, she looks up and explodes her arms out before exiting the pirouette into the penché. That choice creates such feelings of elation.

14:11 Give me either one of their renveresé, thanks :)

14:16 Exiting this (gorgeously done) lift can be awkward, love how Renata uses her arms to transition into the next pose

15:02 YES to the traveling that's happening!!

15:33 Her smile. That's all. Delightful.

15:47 ADORABLE

16:13 Kimin's variation starts. I mean come on. He's just flying around. THOSE OUTSIDE ATTITUDE PIOUETTES. Super stable tours to high arabesques. Just too good.

17:04 Renata's variation starts. Jawdropping footwork, the petit rond de jambes are so clean and so precise, and she's moving so much when she does them. HERE FOR THE RENATA SASS. THe way her face lights up when the crowd starts clapping is priceless

17:57 CODA TIME!!!! Legitimately think no one has ever done this jump better than Kimin. And that manage, just looks like it takes no effort for him to complete. He just floats around like it's nothing.

18:21 Holy shit her fouettes are insane, AND THEN ALL DOUBLES IN THe SECOND HALF???? Aish, her tiny frustrated face appeared for half a second because she was the tiniest bit off and had to do one single. But what a fight, she's such a spitfire. I was on the edge of my seat.

18:45 Speechless. Just what??? How????? Kimin Kim, explain yourself????

19:15 THE WAY THEY SMILE. WHAT A SHOW!!!!

I did this during my first watch-through, I think you can gauge my level of excitement quite clearly ahaha. Let me know your favorite moments and if you enjoyed reading my first reaction :)

#renata shakirova #kimin kim #don quixote #kitri #basilio #ballet #mariinsky #mariinsky ballet #mariinsky theatre #russian ballet #ballerina #ballet video #Youtube

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tobiasdrake · 6 months

Text

We're back in the lab. But this time, we have breathing room to look around.

Not sure how much there is to notice that we didn't before, but let's begin with Huesca's corpse.

Fink wanted to be thorough. He took Huesca from behind and stabbed him, then yanked the knife out and stabbed him again, then again for good measure.

This feels more emotional than professional. Fink's a legendary hitman. I'd expect a cleaner kill than this from a pro. He had total control, right? Huesca was trapped in a room with him, seemed to have no means by which to fight back, and was begging us on the monitor to come save him.

So. Like. Fink had complete autonomy to conduct this kill however he liked. Full control of the situation. He could, I don't know, slit Huesca's throat and walk away. He went for gratuitous repeated stabbings, drawing it out and making it hurt.

That tells me that either the client specified that they wanted Huesca to suffer or this was personal for Fink.

Wish we could turn him over and see what the front of the body looks like.

It also has an F engraved on it. Fink carries his own custom signature knives and I guess he leaves them at the scene every time he takes a life. He left one with Yakou too.

Oh, by all means. Please turn him over. I want to see if there are even more stab wounds on his front. That's a ton of blood pooling under his chest, after all, so it's possible Fink stabbed him even more times than what we can see here.

CHOKE ON YOUR TONGUE. I hope Yomi has you crushed into a cube. Fuckers obstructing my investigation.

"Hey, why don't we pilfer the crime scene and sell stuff on eBay?"

"HOW DARE YOU. I refuse to go along with that! Unless I get a cut of the profits. 50/50 bay-bee!"

Ladies, gentlemen, and everything inbetween: I present to you Kanai Ward's finest boys in blue.

Not much new evidence to be found at the doc's corpse. Which is unsurprising. Until we can see the front, the facts on display were plain at a glance.

Oh, look at that. Fink left a bootprint on Ama-Pal's head when he knocked it over. Gonna go out on a limb and say he probably jumped on its head.

Ama-Pal's built pretty sturdy. The ads over-hype it and say that it can withstand being stepped on by an elephant (!!!) but that's a marketing lie. Its load capacity is 100 kg of force. That's 220 lbs if you're using dirty American conversion units, or 338.5 Furbies.

Knocking Ama-Pal over implies that Fink managed to hit Ama-Pal with 338.5 Furbies of force. It's also interesting for another reason.

An elephant weighs upwards of 9,000 to 20,000 Furbies. If I'd just seen the ads saying "Ama-Pal can handle being stepped on by an elephant, NO PROBLEM!" I would not be confident in my ability to punt the thing. The only people who knew Ama-Pal could be knocked over like this are Amaterasu insiders.

Then again, given the placement of that bootprint, we don't know that Fink knew that. It's possible that he was trying to Mario Hop across Ama-Pal and into the Panel Room to conduct his disappearance. That he wound up knocking Ama-Pal over may have been a mistake.

Yet another vent, this time along the ceiling. But these vents, like the ones in the panel room, are inaccessible. Fink did not enter (loudly, boomingly) through the ducts.

That's what everyone else has been telling us too. Lot of people would want to stab him many, many times to draw it out and make it hurt.

Wait, the big project he was so mad about, which may or may not be related to homunculus research, was three years ago? That coincides with Makoto's arrival to Amaterasu and Kanai Ward, when Makoto wowed everyone with his big project and got fast-tracked to CEO in spite of Yomi being groomed for the position.

Also coincides with the arrival of the Forever Rain, which I suspect was Makoto's project. Makoto said there's rumors that Huesca was conspiring against him. Can't imagine why the old bastard might have held a grudge.

Oh shit, that's why he threw a fuss at Makoto about, "I'M NOT GONNA TALK TO SOME SHITSTAIN IN A MASK!" He can't interpret what you're saying if your mouth is concealed.

That seems super obvious in hindsight. I can't believer I missed that. I wrote it off as him just being an asshole, 'cause of how much of an asshole he is. That was terribly ableist of me.

This also has implications about when he suddenly reacted to his killer's presence. Fink could have been making all kinds of noise in this room and Huesca wouldn't have noticed. His attention was on us. He wouldn't realize there was someone in the room with him until Fink entered his peripheral vision.

Makes me wonder how the intercom buzzer works, though. Huesca can't stand the buzzer. Makoto demonstrated that after he hung up. By jamming the intercom buzzer over and over and over again, he was able to force Huesca to come back to the call.

I wonder what that looks like from this end. Does it have a flashing light or something attached to it?

That's not what Makoto thought he was planning. So Peacekeeper rumors say he wanted to run while Makoto thinks he was conspiring against him. Sounds like he was up to something but nobody's too sure of what.

After Bestie tried to honey-trap him with hilarious results, he said he wanted to step out for a supply run. He trusted us to keep him safe, but not Yomi's Peacekeepers. If he was conspiring to flee Kanai Ward, it makes sense why he wouldn't feel comfortable around those thugs.

Not sure how that's going to be relevant to our case, but we'll keep it in mind. The most unassuming of clues are often the most important.

Including a sketch of what appears to be sulfuric acid being chucked all over some poor schmuck. Well, we know the doc was bloodthirsty from how eager he was to see his trap chambers kill someone.

That was his big plan for escape. He was going to stroll out the door while carrying a big jug of sulfuric acid. Anyone who tried to stop him would get an acid to the face surprise!

When you're too much of a bastard for pocket sand, there is always pocket acid.

So, in theory, he did have a means of self-defense in here. It's unconventional but it would be possible. Of course, trying to uncork a bottle of sulfuric acid, presently in a fridge, while an assassin's stabbing you to death would be supremely difficult.

Man, it would suck if the Forever Rain turned into sulfuric acid. Don't know what made me think of that just now, but wow. Can you imagine how awful that would be?

For real, though, who did he want to acid-ball? Makoto? Slap him in the face with some pocket acid on the way out the door? Hm. This feels super important but I don't know what to do with it.

Curses! A screensaver! MY ONLY WEAKNESS!

For real, though. As someone who works in the financial industry? This is why banks make a huge fucking deal about manually locking your workstation whenever you leave it. One of my unofficial responsibilities when I used to work for a major financial lender was to use a handy-dandy desktop keyboard-shortcut I knew to flip people's screens upside-down if they didn't lock their workstation. Then they'd have to come to me and my boss to get it flipped back, and get grilled on why they didn't lock their workstation.

It's because of this. Exactly this. To keep confidential data secure from passing-by optic grazing. You don't even need to suspiciously sit down at someone's workstation if they left their screen up with confidential data on it.

There are hiding spots, but they're places that would only conceal you from certain angles. That said, Doc was deaf so there's some leeway on offer there.

But honestly, there isn't much reason to hide. It's an enclosed chamber. Just you, your victim, and the knife in your hand. No reason Fink wouldn't come right out and start stabbing as soon as he entered the room.

Why put off until twenty minutes from now what you can stab right now? Not like giving it some time will change the circumstances any, right?

...well, I was hoping those two chuckleheads would move the body by the time I finished the investigation but it looks like that's not happening. Really want to know if there are more stab wounds. I suppose it doesn't matter if there are; It would only corroborate what I already suspect. But I want that corroboration!

Next time I see Yomi, I'm filing a formal complaint.

#master detective archives: rain code #drake plays rain code

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a-sip-of-milo · 6 months

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hi its uhhhhh research to i think i have bpd pipeline person here. idk how else to identify myself because i dont feel comfortable making myself public.

ive been intending to do more research into bpd but its like. hard and not because its hard to find resources, i found stuff on youtube, but its hard to sit down and watch it because its not entertaining enough to put my full attention on, so my mind was wandering and then i wasnt taking in information. and i dont know what to do sob. i only actually watched one video bc i know that other videos are going to be boring to me and that im not going to take in information bc i cant focus.

it was a video about what it was like living w quiet bpd and from the little i remember i was like “yep. sounds like me.” (even tho for the most part i literally cannot remember the video) and when i look at the 9 symptoms, theres 4 i can confidently say i experience, and 4 others that are a maybe, but my memory is shit so i can’t accurately tell by myself which of those symptoms i actually experience.

everytime i think abt having bpd i get upset, but i cant tell if its coming from the root of ableism(?) that me being upset about having disorders usually comes from (wanting to be “normal”) or if its coming from the root of ableism that was people with bpd/npd are inherently bad

i also think i have a favourite person. by think i mean putting the pieces together from other people talking about their favourite people from asks you answer made me realize “oh so thats why im so infatuated by this person and it’s not just being closer to them than my other friends”

Hey! I also find it incredibly difficult to sit through informative videos, so you're not alone there. There's also the issue of "am I going to sit through this entire video just to figure out that it's rooted in ableism" that stops me from getting through them. I prefer written stuff!

When it comes to the internalised ableism (also completely valid, that's not just a personality disorder issue), it could very well be a combination of both. Not only does this mean you're not "normal" anymore, but the disorder that's causing it is something that is often considered inherently bad. That can be a scary realisation to make.

I feel like i've said this before, but you don't need to rush into it. You could be struggling so much with doing research and absorbing information on the subject because your brain has yet to accept that it's okay. This can take time, and the best thing you can do if that's the case is to take a step back from the overwhelming amount of information there is to take in and work on breaking that pattern of thinking, however hard it may be.

Try positive affirmations with yourself. If you happen to recognise a particular kind of behaviour that stems from your BPD, acknowledge that, tell yourself that it's okay and move on. Think about what you'd say to another person who was struggling with the things you're experiencing. Just be kind to yourself.

Don't force yourself to do something that you're not ready for. In the end, it will only make you resent the possibility of having BPD even more and that is far less constructive.

I hope this helps, but also please don't fret if it doesn't or hesitate to tell me that i'm just rambling for no reason/you're not looking for advice. I won't be offended /gen /nm /lh

#ask #bpd #bpd safe #cluster b #cluster b safe #tw internalised ableism

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coquelicoq · 8 months

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CURRENT ASK GAME

tagged by @littleragondin 😘

Current time: apparently 9:12pm holy moly no idea how that happened...they (days of the weekend) grow up so fast...

Current activity: filling out this ask game. am i supposed to be multitasking??

Currently thinking about: also thinking about this ask game lol idk what to tell ya i got a one-track mind i guess

Current favourite song: i am obsessively listening to bonne journée by stromae on repeat trying to learn the words. so far very slowgoing. the only parts i'm feeling confident about are the chorus and the last verse. kicking my ass in particular at the moment are "le bonheur est bien la seule chose/qui quand on la partage se multiplie" (the cadence is really throwing me for some reason) and "tout ce que j'sais c'est qu's'il s'tourne vers le soleil l'ombre est derrière lui" (bestie that is sooo many syllables...). i am about to crack that first one though, i can feel it. "se multiplie" is gonna be eating my dust any minute now. then i can move on to the lines i haven't even tried yet because i've been too intimidated lol.

i do find it very fun to say "tu profites jamais vraiment de ce moment présent/en fait t'es juste dépressif" (check out the run of -ent sounds on that bad boy!) and

c'est parce qu'y a des bas qu'y a des hauts et parce qu'y a des hauts qu'y a des bas y a pas d'débats d'idéaux, non comme un idiot fais les pas de la danse de la joie

the mouthfeel this has! first we got the first two lines, which are almost identical save for switching the placement of "bas" and "hauts". thats chiasmus babe!

then much of the third line phonetically echos the first line with completely different words:

1: [sɛ paʁskja debɑ kja deo] 3: [ja pɑ deba dideo nɔ̃]

(it's even more repetitive to my non-native ear because "des bas" and "débats" are homophones to me because i still can't tell the difference between [ɑ] and [a] lol.)

he articulates the third line as well as "idiot" in the fourth line really deliberately, which brings attention to the idéaux / idiot minimal pair. and then i really like the rest of that line, the cadence of fais les PAS de la DANSE de la JOIE, the repetition of "de la", and, until i looked it up in the dictionary to confirm, i also thought that pas / joie was an inner rhyme, but apparently those are different vowels lol. well they rhyme to me.

if i can get this song down i will move on to mauvaise journée, because as you might infer from the titles they are a matched set and i would love to get the full experience. but one thing at a time.

Currently reading: i am about to finish speaking bones, the last book in ken liu's dandelion dynasty. SHIT IS GOING DOWN. shit has been going down for like 500 pages in a row. this book is intense!! there are less than 200 pages left and i've not the foggiest what is gonna happen. probably only one or two more technologies are going to be invented because ken liu likes to lovingly linger over the inventions and we only have so much space left, which will have to be mostly plot i think. try to focus, mr. liu! i know you love reinventing computer programming in as many mediums as possible and i love that for you, i really do, in any other circumstance i would listen to you do that all day long, but you JUST killed off four more of your major characters and threw the [redacted for spoilers] into a [redacted] crisis! what is going to happen to these [redacted] and their [redacted] [redacted]!! eyes on the prize sir!

in other news, today i started l'enfant de sable by tahar ben jelloun. i've only read the first two chapters, but i'm really liking the style so far! some really beautiful sentences, and i like the framing device.

of course my dico read is continuing apace. i'm now in the middle of the j's. got to the word jobard today and was like why is this so familiar? then remembered it's in my favorite line from les mis:

êtes-vous fous ! êtes-vous toqués ! en voilà-t-il un tas de jobards ! perdre le temps, n'est-ce pas ? tirer au sort, n'est-ce pas ? au doigt mouillé ! à la courte paille ! écrire nos noms ! les mettre dans un bonnet !

ah, really takes me back.

also got thud! going as my current bedtime discworld reread.

Currently watching: rewatching natsume's book of friends! i'm jumping around to watch all the episodes with natori and/or matoba, but then i'm hoping to start back at the beginning and rewatch everything. it's taking a while because i'm taking detailed notes.

Current favorite character: hiiragi from natsume <333 i love how badass she is and how kind she was to child!natori while she was trapped in an impossible situation she had no hope of escaping and i love her for her apathy and her subsequent devotion to the person who broke her out (natori after he had grown up and forgotten her kindness) and i love all her little Does Not Compute momence when natsume is treating her like a person. she and murderbot really are same hat. i wonder what kind of emotions murderbot would experience watching this show? it would implode, probably.

current favorite book character is jia from the dandelion dynasty...damn she's complicated! i know i said after book 3 that this series seems more or less blorbo-free, but i take it back for her specifically. i love how conflicted she makes me feel. go girl give us [redacted]!

Current WIP: theoretically i am rewriting the clues of a finished crossword to try to make it nyt-worthy, but i haven't actually started that yet, i've just told a lot of people that i'm going to do it. not actually the same thing as doing it, as it turns out. shocked and upset.

meanwhile i'm trying to write the november themed crossword for the local paper. it's also at the clue-writing stage, my least favorite stage. but this one has a deadline, so i will definitely do it eventually.

i've got the post about the words in the D section of the french dictionary in drafts but have not had the motivation to really work on it lately. those take me a long time because i want to check etymology and all sorts of stuff.

sorry to say that the ask somebody sent me about the imperial radch a few months ago is also languishing in drafts and probably will continue to do so. the time to answer it would have been right after i reread the trilogy and it was all fresh in my mind. but who knows, one of these days while nightblogging i might in my sleep-deprived state find it in drafts and go "what's this doing in here? it looks fine, not half-baked at all. post!"

also i still would like to change my username but there are some things i want to do first to minimize the carnage (i.e., broken links and readmores). you are currently the only person who knows the username i have chosen to succeed my current one! i hope you feel special. i just realized something else about it that was not intended but is fun. it's the gift that keeps on giving, but currently only to me (and i guess to you, if you feel so gifted) because it's a secret...

tagging hmmm let's say...@zyrafowe-sny for being the one to recommend l'enfant de sable to me, @psqqa for recommending la cantatrice chauve which i just finished the other day (sooo trippy to read out loud! i would love to see it performed some day 🤞), @suibianworks and @cinnamonandpancakes because i know you also like stromae, @aerialbots for your french artist spotify playlist (which i listened to most of while cooking the other day! you have great taste), and @sapphiredragonprincess for always hyping my rambly natsuyuu tags! as always, only if you want to <3

#littleragondin i know you also recommended la cantatrice chauve to me but since you're the one who tagged me i thought #i should not tag you. or i guess technically i already @'d you at the beginning of the post so mechanically i CAN'T tag you again #anyway somehow this post is mostly about french language stuff which seems fitting since it was you who tagged me !#i didn't do that on purpose i am just spending a lot of time on french at the moment #ask games #my posts #tag later

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empty-pizza · 10 months

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thoughts on harrow the ninth chapter four, part one

how the fuck

did i even BEGIN to have thoughts on all this shit

before reading this chapter

I haven't even finished it yet, I just finished reading the letter and I need to collect my thoughts and lack thereof. This is Some Shit. this is where this book really begins. this is fucking baller.

i don't know long this post will run; i might end up reiterating everything in the letter as I try to keep track of everything that Harrow and I know now.

okay, so i was right (as though i could have not been) that fuckery has been about. That fuckery occurred in the 48 hours following the end of book 1. The really insidious thing about this fuckery is that the situation that we EXPECTED Harrow to be in at the end of book 1, and the situation that she is, on paper (but not according to this letter), are the exact same. Harrow became a lyctor, Harrow now has to do Emperor G-Money's bizness.

all of this is really happening for the sake of getting Harrow out of a situation she was in, but neither of us get to know what that situation is, and it got her OUT of it by putting her INTO the situation she thought she'd be in — except, of course, all these rules. suffice to say, this is baller.

one of the most interesting details i'm seeing here is that resurrecting the Harrow that wrote all this is a fail state. first of all, how literal is it that she could be resurrected? is this a memory thing? a soul thing? no idea. and whichever one of those it is wouldn't answer why it would be a failure to let that happen.

another interesting detail is that it implies that the goal here is to resurrect the girl in the tomb. that's, uh, kinda a big deal. and it's stated so plainly that it leaves nothing for me to theorize. other than the fact that 48-hours harrow learned a LOT.

like, literally, let's just run through what must have happened. harrow later in the letter implies she decided on the answer no. who was the question from? god? i thought she was agreeing to work with g man. but what if it was someone else? she had to have learned so much and i don't even know what the sources of knowledge are. and then, after that, would have had to planned all of this. god, i love this level of planning. twenty four fuckin' letters. absolutely cracked. she would get along so well with beatrice.

okay now onto the rules. this post is going to be so long and i haven't even finished the chapter.

rule one isn't too complex. this is all obviously very important so harrow's gotta be there to do it all.

rule two is very interesting and something where i completely lack the information to make a confident guess. it could be that going back to House #9 would affect her powers. or it could alert the wrong thing. or it could lure something there. or all sorts of things.

rule three is very interesting. there are definitely a lot of possibilities, but i'm gonna throw one out here: it has gideon's soul in it. that's why harrow lacks her complete powers. and it's obviously a very gideon-associated object. very interested in the details of why it can't be used, though, and all the stuff harrow has to do with it.

rule four is interesting because i don't know exactly what it means. the details seem to mostly be on harrow's skills being lacking, which we already knew — she lacks the powers of full lyctors. but i dunno, the phrase "YOU ARE COMPROMISED" feels like it implies "don't trust anyone not even yourself" things.

rule five oh wait these are guidelines not rules well i'm not going back and changing the prior paragraphs: this is an interesting one. everything i said about what must have happened in the 48 hours? ianthe had a big part in it, but i lack the information to say what. it's such an interesting blob of what-ifs because ianthe currently knows more than harrow, but past harrow knows a lot more than ianthe. this means with every piece of info we get, we may have to question whether or not ianthe knows it. this supersedes loyalty to godzo. does ianthe know that? and despite all of this we can't actually trust her.

rule six is basically the author telling us that we're in for a bumpy ride, baby. you don't set up a plot like this without having an extremely good plan. i have high expectations. interesting that ianthe is going to keep one of the letters. i wonder how well harrow will actually follow these rules. i don't think everything will go according to plan.

the choice that was made is interesting. i wonder if it was, whether or not she accepts the loss of gideon.

rule seven makes sense. this sort of magic would imply that someone else, through magic mechanics i don't have the details on, could have taken control of what ianthe says. i feel like a lot of other things you could take control of would also be a problem, though. who knows, it could be subverting my expectation. maybe it's a change ianthe herself could have made, and one that would represent a choice that goes against harrow's goals.

i'll post this now before reading the rest. also like. are they gonna kiss?

#pizza reads locked tomb #the locked tomb #tlt #harrow the ninth

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rammbles · 1 year

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DAY #15: 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

ugh this is gonna be hard for most without going back through their entire discography, but I'm gonna try me best here. I want to point out that I have always, since getting into rock and metal as a middle schooler, been deeply more prone to recognizing and remembering guitar work and obviously the vocals; it's not a conscious choice, it's just what my brain does, but it does make this a much more difficult question for every single thing besides guitar. So, I'll start with guitar!

(Cut here bc I'm sure this post is gonna be long and yucky formatting-wise)

So my mind could possibly change if I listened to everything again, however I am pretty fucking confident in that for guitar, it's "Mutter." More than anything else, it's that fucking refrain; it sounds entirely overflowing with wrenching pain and sorrow to me, and I cannot BELIEVE Reesh has said he wrote that shit for a wedding, like bitch it makes me want to cry without vocal assistance to set the vibe, holy fucking shit who died at that wedding??????????????? It will regularly give me goosebumps when I listen to the song.

youtube

Okay, second-easiest (I think, lol). For Flake's keyboard work, I'm a BIG fat lover of his performance in "Weit weg." I adore synthwave-style musical works, and this sound is just so classic and really does it for me. I think it also helps that I recently binged it for like, a full day for no reason other than it was stuck in my head real bad lmfao

youtube

All right, next one: bass. This is one of those more difficult ones, because I think like a great number of people, the bass is astronomically harder to single out in heavier music, unless it's basically the only thing playing (which we stan hard as fuck I wanna hear my Boy), and because of this, I took the time to listen to some bass covers of various tracks to have the sound singled out more, and now, I think I'm going with "Stripped." It's a head-bobber to me!

youtube

... aaaaand the hardest: drums. I want to scream from the fucking rooftops that this is no disrespect or disregard for Schneider, he is a vital member of the band that I adore, and drums are so instrumental in establishing the beat of songs, it's just that this is the one instrument that for some reason, my brain doesn't seem to latch onto and remember when I think of the song? It's completely indeliberate, I hear it and it just slides off my smooth-ass brain. 😭 I hate it because I love our dilf drummer so very much, so like this makes me feel so rude and as if I don't care for his part in the band, which couldn't be further from accurate; I reiterate, he's vital, as much as everyone else. All that being said, this is the instrument I am least confident about when picking a favorite, but like for Ollie, I visited a big chunk of songs that made me think "wait I think the drum performance is strong here," so take this one with the biggest grain of salt: I think I'm going with "Eifersucht." I like the fast pace of the drum in this one, and it's super rhythmic, and that's... all my non-drum-intellectual ass has got, lol. I'm that kid critiquing shit they don't know about right now.

youtube

previous days: 　1.) favorite song 　2.) favorite era 　3.) favorite single 　4.) favorite album 　5.) favorite music video 　6.) favorite member 　7.) favorite lyrics 　8.) favorite b-side/unreleased track 　9.) favorite remix 　10.) favorite live photo(s) 　11.) favorite live video 　12.) favorite "making of" 　13.) favorite picture 　14.) favorite vocals

#rammstein #31 days rammstein challenge #rammstein challenge #i need a fuckin nap i think this took a full hour bc i just about DID go through their whole discography 😭#song: ''mutter''#reesh #song: ''weit weg''#flake #song: ''stripped''#ollie #song: ''eifersucht''#schneider #Youtube

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loominggaia · 1 year

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Inspired by another anons question, what would happen if the rest of the crew got to truly understand Lilian’s past? Since from both the stories and ask it’s known that no one aside from Zeffer knows the true scope of Lillian’s trauma. Let’s say they get a telepathic showing of Lillian’s memories and get to see the serious fucked up shit diarrhea man did to her? What’s their reaction to seeing the horror movie that is her life story?

Well, I'm sure they'd all be deeply upset by what they saw. You're right in that none of them know the true scope of her experience. Zeffer poked his head into her Hell for a bit and got singed, but even he doesn't have the full story.

Between what Zeffer and Lilian herself have shared, the Freelance Good Guys have a general idea of what she's been through. They know she was kidnapped into a vampiric cult at a young age, forced to lure victims to their deaths, forced to marry Dario, and then physically, verbally, and sexually abused by him for many years. They don't have the gruesome details, and I don't think they understand just how intense the cult was about sheltering her from the outside world. Her ignorance still catches them off-guard a lot. They tend to overestimate her abilities, because they underestimate the Dusk's brainwashing. Her experience was one that had to be seen to be believed.

So, if the crew could somehow see it from beginning to end...

Evan would be angry, knowing that monstrous shit like this is happening all over Gaia and he can't possibly save everyone. But instead of feeling hopeless about it, he feels more inspired than ever. Suddenly he's bursting with motivation as he remembers why he's in this line of work in the first place. He assures Lilian he'll do everything in his power to prevent more cases like hers.

Alaine, Lukas, and Glenvar would stop their "hog-hunts" with her immediately. They would suddenly understand that these hunts probably aren't the healthiest way for her to gain confidence. They would instead seek safer, less traumatizing activities like group therapy or sports or something.

Alaine would still insist on teaching her self-defense and how to be assertive.

Glenvar wouldn't dare tease Lilian for anything after this; he'd try extra hard to keep his big mouth shut. Even if she did something completely ridiculous, because now he understands why she's so inept and the reason is just sad.

Lukas wouldn't treat her any differently. He'd just get depressed about the state of the world and take a week off, because suddenly his job feels too overwhelming. There is too much evil in the world, he thinks, and all his hard work is barely making a dent in it.

Jeimos and Linde would both just burst into tears. Jeimos would be inconsolable for days, but Linde would be quicker to wipe her eyes and turn her feelings into activism. She'd give Lilian a big hug and spend more time with her in friendship, supporting her any way she could. I don't know if Jeimos could even handle being around Lilian after that, honestly...every weird little behavior Lilian displayed would just remind them of the horror show they saw and they'd start crying. It would be too intense for them.

I think Balthazaar would just turn pale and say nothing. He'd drink as much as possible, as fast as possible, to forget what he'd just seen. He'd never speak of it or acknowledge it, but Lilian would notice how protective he seems towards her all of a sudden. Seems like he's always keeping tabs on her...

Skel is a goblin, meaning he can never forget anything he sees, hears, or learns. Lilian's life story would break him a little. He didn't like Lilian when she first arrived in the Hollow. He was distrustful of her because she used to be a vampire, annoyed by her childishness, and overall just kind of saw her as a burden on the village. Knowing what he does now, his whole perspective on her would change. Suddenly he's able to reach deep and pull patience out of his ass for her, where he had none before. He doesn't see her as a burden anymore, but a poor child who was mistreated and betrayed by her family, just like he was. He wouldn't treat her any differently in public, but he'd anonymously leave little gifts around the Hollow for her whenever she seemed sad, like flowers, dolls, and books.

Javaan would immediately run to Lilian and give her a big crushing hug, promising her that those horrible things will never happen again so long as the crew is around. "If all that garbage didn't kill you, then nothing can. You may as well be a divine," he tells her.

Elska would be so full of rage towards the Dusks, she wouldn't even know what to do with herself. She'd just start screaming and destroying shit until she calmed down enough to form a coherent sentence. She'd then find Lilian and roar, "WHERE IS THIS DESPICABLE FILTH YOU CALL 'DARIO DUSK'? HE CANNOT CONTINUE TO PLAGUE GAIA! I WILL DESTROY HIM!"

Terrified, Lilian squeaks, "He, um, he's...dead."

Elska is undeterred. "THEN I WILL DESTROY HIS WRETCHED SOUL WHEN I REACH THE AFTERLIFE!"

Mr. Ocean says nothing. He just takes the fattest bong rip of his life and passes it to Lilian. She declines. He pats her on the head and tells her she is much stronger than he is, and if he's still kicking, then she will make it too.

Zeffer would drop to his knees and apologize to Lilian for any hurt he caused. He would break down and cry, and I think the depression would hit him hard for a long time. Dario forced him to participate in the abuse towards her on numerous occasions, and the guilt still haunts him terribly.

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

#ask #asklilian #askwhatif #askliterature

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tarabyte3 · 1 year

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There's no new chapter for "I Want You to Show Me Weak" today since it's Christmas, so I thought I would do a fun Holiday post about what I think my Table 7 characters look like!

Just remember, these are NOT one for one. It's simply the closest I can get to what's in my brain (thankfully for you, none of you can read my thoughts). If you picture something else, that's amazing! And also valid. Keep enjoying the fic exactly as you are ❤️

One of the first things I did when I started thinking about writing Show Me Weak was decide I wanted a more fleshed out table full of real people, and not some nebulous existing background characters like I had for Wants, Needs, and Clerical Errors. Which worked great for that fic! Because a lot of it was more nebulous and focused on what was going on inside of the Reader character's head. The focus was supposed to be Kino (as a treat for all of us). I wanted Show Me Weak to feel more grounded in the prison environment.

So I made 6 male original characters! I found names on the Star Wars section of the Fantasy Name Generators site that stood out to me. Then I focused on each name and thought, "what kind of character would have that name?" And wrote physical descriptions for all of them, and thought up the most basic structure of their personalities. Threl is the warm, diplomatic face, Jevid is the grumpy old man, Taybus is the little shit younger brother, Sorrek is the troubled, middle aged dad, Alis is the fun, quick guy that is the most relatable to the Reader because he's right next to her and about the same age, and Edii I wanted to be as enigmatic as possible for a reason I will explain down below.

As I started writing table dialogue, especially in the bigger group settings, those little foundations I built came alive onto my screen. Sometimes without more than a second of thought. Which was a complete shock to me. I never intended for any of them to go to the depths that they are now. So I quickly became incredibly emotionally invested in these characters that started as half paragraph entries in my notes. Now I can't imagine the story without them.

The fact that people seem to genuinely like the table as much as the focus of the story, Kino/Reader (and let's be honest, the smut), has blown me away. I'm glad other people have grown as attached to them as I have.

Without further ado, my boyyys

Threl

He reminds me of Mike Colter, just less built and with a deeper voice. But he was always handsome, warm, and confident in my mind. Mike's humor during Luke Cage and The Defenders is a great example of that as well.

Alis

Young Theo Rossi is the closest I can think of, just with a scar on his left side and a rounder face. The scar is a detail I wanted to include, even though it has literally never come up again. Because the Reader noticed it right away of course, realized quickly he's comfortable with his appearance, it doesn't bother her at all either, and that's that. So she doesn't think about it when she thinks about him or looks at him. It's just Alis's face and everything is from her perspective. It was intended to demonstrate how comfortable she is with him. Otherwise Alis has a lithe build and lots of dexterity. (I also pronounce it Uh-lease in my mind)

Sorrek

Sad dad might be the most disappointed you'll be reading this list. I actually based Sorrek off of an NPC in an Actual Play D&D show by Dimension 20 called Fantasy High. One of the player characters' dad is this down on his luck, miserable elf named Gilear Faeth. In the campaign, he's cartoonishly pathetic, but I wanted a serious version of him. A soft spoken, gentle dad that is haunted by something, but still looks like he gives great hugs and can't help being nurturing.

Jevid

Jevid is basically an old biker. That's it. That's the concept. He's the character we know the least about, and I don't know if that will change, but the idea is he just no longer gives a fuck. He cares about them in his own way, but he doesn't get roped into the table shenanigans or gossip as frequently as a result. He's been in there too long and is just a grumpy old man 😂

Taybus

Adam Driver with a longer more bob-like cut that hangs in his face and a mustache that you would see in a highschool hallway. The "I can grow facial hair, but just a small mustache" starter for a lot of 15 year old boys (my husband was sadly one of them 😂 I can't look at some highschool pictures of him without screaming and running away). I didn't realize how much I was kind of picturing young Adam Driver in my head until Reader suggests he tie his hair back.

And finally

Edii

Freddy Carter as Kaz Brekker in Shadow and Bone, but paler with dark eyes. (I haven't seen the show, but love the Six of Crows duology, excellent books.) Edii also has what is essentially a very heavy Slavic accent that I based on someone I went to college with. A guy that people called "weird" because he had a unique look and wasn't comfortable talking since he wasn't very fluent in English, so he kept to himself. But in one of my very small classes, he really opened up as the rest of us talked to him and tried to engage him, and he was so funny! Then we all quickly realized how horrible it was that people ignored him when he was just a guy, you know? So we all got lunch or coffee on occasion and chatted after class. He had a much easier time in college and away from home after that 🥺. That is my Edii. A sweet, misunderstood cinnamon bun. (I pronounce it Ee-dee when I read it)

So there you go! Table 4 in (the closest I can find to) all of their glory lol.

#i want you to show me weak fic #just for fun

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