#and even that the only reason i remember it as march so vividly is bc i had a fucking depressive episode

[hella1975]

tbf i really deserved to lose that poll im stupid af

#i need to come off the pill it’s not funny anymore 😂🙏🏼 #like it was already hard getting myself motivated for a degree i hate and then there’s the adhd shit on top of that #which is literally the productivity killer but now the pill on top of all that has just taken any fear factor i might have had #like i don’t feel anything I’m not nervous there’s no concept of repurcussions in my mind #and it’s meant I’ve basically hardly fucking studied and it’s entirely my fault and im GOING to fail #like you cannot walk into a uni exam with the barebones knowledge i have and still pass you just can’t #like i spent all of yesterday trying to study and i didn’t get anything fucking done until 11pm #when I did like. a solid hour. that’s it #and it’s so frustrating bc it’s like well why didn’t you just study #and im like i CANT it’s like an actual physical block stopping me #and ik thats the adhd but I could handle it before I knew if I left it last minute the panic would set in and I’d be suddenly productive #but now? nothing #i just don’t feel anything ever and haven’t since literally march #and even that the only reason i remember it as march so vividly is bc i had a fucking depressive episode #physically the pill has done bits but it’s shredded the little mental stability i had and now we’re here and I’m failing my stupid degree #even now it’s like. why am I on tumblr. the exam is in 1.5 hours. i have so much to do bc i did nothing yesterday #and instead of me feeling panic or guilty or ANYTHING? #nothing. just absolutely nothing it’s like im not even here #hella goes to uni

[devilofthepit]

1 or 2 for the end of the year thing!! u can give multiple answers hehe it’s HARD to narrow it down 😈👾💜

1. song of the year?

the foundations of decay!!! i can never rly pick songs of the year but this was easy just bc it was my most streamed song this year and just meant a lot to me. i vividly remember the second it came out i was sitting at my desk doing french homework when i got an EMAIL (bc im on the mcr email list lmao) about a new song and went absolutely feral. it was my dads birthday and we were about to go to his birthday dinner as well but the song was all i could think about lol. my headphones were super shitty at the time so i didn’t listen to it with good headphones until two days later and that just made me go even MORE insane and immediately sent me into hyperfixation mode. i hadn’t been hyperfixated on mcr for 2 years and it came back in full force that day. not to be dramatic but nothing has been the same since then i think. the song came out of nowhere and really solidified that mcr was BACK back, which paved the way for everything that happened at shows for the rest of the year, even if things feel so different now. so yeah foundations song of 2022. okay also just can’t get enough by depeche mode and vengabus by the vengaboys because i have listened to them so much while walking around campus with sydney shoutout to our fang and sydney song playlist

2. album of the year?

this one is sooo hard bc i listened to so much music. if we’re talking albums that came out this year it’d be haunted hours by vision video bc it’s like. the only album that came out this year i actually listened to LMAO anyway i thought it was an amazing album and better than their first one even. but in terms of albums that defined my year i’d have to say first of all everything by mcr for reasons above, she wants revenge, pretty hate machine, every ghost album bc i spent the month of march exclusively listening to them, and violator by depeche mode. besides the mcr, i wouldn’t say there’s a particular reason these albums defined This Year, i just really like them and got super into them this year. this is just based on albums i listened to on repeat and not artists bc there were a lot more specific artists i listened to a lot, i just didn’t listen to one of their albums more than the others. thanks for the ask sorry i wrote a ton lol :)

#fang speaks #julia #ask game

[kennabeth]

i'm back with more questions about tcor (i will probably have a couple more in the coming days don't let me annoy you)

what's up with the folcharts the whole book? i feel like from what i've heard the take a backseat but like what's up with the whole trapping people in paintings?

does the book explain like the geography of the inkworld outside of argenta and lombrica? like what are the other countries

what's up with jacopo in this book.

oki sorry I had a migraine yesterday but here's all I've got:

the folcharts have almost no speaking roles 😭 meggie and doria want to go on a big trip to explore the world (much much better than getting married at fking 18). mo's rightfully nervous bc this world is terrible lol. resa doesn't do anything 😔

orpheus buys a spell that gets the main cast sucked into paintings and dustfinger is meant to be the last to be absorbed but they fuck up the prince (ultimately failing bc of racism is the funniest concept to me) and don't know about jehan so they go to at least beat the shit out of orpheus in the hopes that for some reason that will free everyone. a few of the characters that Get Painted have little chapters here and there.. not enough for me though 😒

it does not do a good job imo of establishing more of the world. dustfinger mentions (brief dragon mention babey!) that he has really no idea of what the world looks like since he just likes the ocean. most of the story takes place in a city about two weeks' march/ride? north, which from the illustrations in the trilogy I don't really know how they got there without mentioning the castle of salt. I don't remember if the country's name is mentioned but it's very well outside of violante's jurisdiction and makes lombrica and argenta look comically backward. orpheus kind of lives in the slums at first but eventually the city opens more and it's like, huge and really nice and peaceful and people have Money money. one of the new main characters (hyvin my baby<33) is a female apprentice healer (like as a job. a real career, not like roxane's pharmacy sht) which. like I whined a few weeks ago it's crazy to me that that's a thing but in ombra women aren't even allowed to read. there are a few scenes in some different forests (one is by this bridge (to where???) and I haven't pictured something so vividly in ages, it's so good).

jacopo is only very briefly mentioned. the prince has a bad shoulder? I think? in the beginning because jacopo's gang attacked him? I think?and nyame says he's on his way to being as horrible as his grandfather 🙃 he's only like 11 but I think someone should take one for the team and... prevent that from happening. sad that violante wasn't able to undo his bad influences but she does hate kids and was pregnant at 12 so I'm not going to hold his behavior against her

#you will never annoy me i promise i just might take time to answer bc yesterday i got up at 6am and didnt sit down until 9pm #my fear though is that im misremembering things since im used to knowing with perfect certainty everything that happens in this series #and now heres an installment ive read once roughly translated #and it was like 5 weeks ago #i dont have the same brain as i did 5 weeks ago #so i might need to look things up which is VERY hard when you dont really know german much yk #but im having fun ask me all the questions if you dont mind the processing time #says kenna #tcor spoilers

[levmada]

ik you’re an mcr fan even tho u don’t talk about it all that much on here, but as a fellow levi and mcr stan i have to ask if you have any feelings/thoughts about tour officially being over because i’m in shambles

mannnnn i’ve been in love with mcr since i was 9 or 10 years old and not only is that where my love of music started but how i started to cope with my Living Situation as a kid and🧍🏻it’s rly difficult to put into words how much mcr means to me. /srs the course of my life would be different if i never started listening to them. i wouldn’t be the PERSON i am. they’re actually also… how i got into writing fanfic💀 i know alllll the lore. watched lotms more times than i can count. watched their concerts on youtube. learned every detail about frank iero and gerard way as possible. etc etc etc it’s kind of insane. i so much more than love them but ur right i don’t mention it enough on this blog lol

(bro i remember where i was on halloween 2019 when the reunion post went up on instagram. i lost my SHIT and don’t even get me started on their single. holy fuck)

this past tour would’ve been the first time i ever saw them in concert (i was too young to ever go before 2013 when they broke up rip… but on that topic in 2018 when it appeared that they were returning i remember vividly listening to their entire discography (((for not the first time… bc i did so every march 22nd aka the anniversary of when the band broke up……))) and dressing up as “””emo””” as possible for some reason only 16 year old me knows. the disappointment when i learned it was just the anniversary for the black parade and a… honestly mediocre remix? true betrayal tbh) - but then my concert was cancelled bc of stupid reasons wherein basically the organizers fucked up. at that point i’d been waiting like 3 years to see them (bc of covid), and i didn’t have the money even WITH a refund to buy another ticket or travel, so i just tapped out. it sucked.

BUT ANYWAY i’m not nearly as obsessed with them as i used to be, even though i will always love mcr and everything they stand for until i die. all that to say i haven’t been keeping up with the tour much, partly because mcr stan twitter is fucking unbearable. idk maybe the fandom just isn’t my scene anymore or there are too many young people in it, it’s hard to explain.

i’m really really really fuxking interested in what they do next though. a single being released implies an album in the future in which case i will explode, causing the heat death of the universe and i will become one with the soundwaves emanating from the music.

hope a ramble like that answers ur question🥰

OH: my number one favorite fun fact about myself is that i was born on the exact day their first album bullets was released. to this day my favorite album by them tbh

#one core memory is me listening to my first mcr song and i was scrolling thru apple music or whatever it was in 2010 on my ipod #and i saw the song mama from the black parade and the only reason i listened to it was bc that’s what i called my mom idk💀💀💀💀💀 #and of fucking course i fell in love with it and the entire song put all my angst into words #and bam point of no return #KFKWJVKW sorry for rambling yeah mcr is everything 2 me #kane has mail

[jejciu]

honestly, looking back, i dont think ive made much progress, sadly. i feel like march-august/september was such a ...dry season for me. being heavily depressed, feeling bad about my drawings and everything. i tried experimenting a little bit, but the entire year was still so full of empty, bg-less black and white headshot sketches. maybe except for first two months or so, when i was still feeling motivated - like, new year new me, and all that crap.

if i have one wish for 2022 in regards to creating in general, i just hope it will be fruitful. even if a lot of it is shitty and low-effort, even if none of it goes past 50 notes, even if all of it is just midground stuff, i want to draw and paint a lot. i dont really have any specific goal in mind - maybe improve anatomy, bc i need it BAD if i wanna take more commissions - but trying out more brushes, color palettes, mediums and sources of inspiration feels good. i want to put even more love into it than ever before, i wanna draw more for friends, even if it means constantly battling the insecurities that are rooted very deep in my anxious heart. watch more art - save more on my phone just to look at it whenever im feeling uninspired - follow more artists, maybe start going to museums and galleries more. perhaps also buy more art, especially traditional, pieces that i can hang up on a wall and look at all these days when im too depressed to get out of bed.

if i had to pick one, favorite drawing of the whole year, it'd be may's mercy - the yellow+magenta one. it was very simple, nothing more than a sketch.. but when i look at it, i still remember the joy i had while drawing it so vividly. the colors, the weird flowers in the background, the fact that its one of my fave ocs to draw, too - it was for me and me only. i dont know. feels alright to look back at things that made me happy.

thank you for supporting me during this year, everyone - no matter if you were encouraging me in the comments or tags, sharing every single one of them with your followers, or maybe cheering on me privately in dms - i really, really appreciate it. every kind word made me wanna keep going, and i think everyones support is the only reason why this year, there are no blank spots :-) thank you. hope i'll bring you joy with my drawings in 2022.

#maurycy talks #rysunki #putting it in drawing tag too why not #thank you so much. especially to those few of you who kept being especially kind to me. if youre reading this i bet you know who you are :)

[ljnuwu]

heartthrob!jeno

summary: heartthrob!jeno wants his habits to die but all his attempts to show you always seem to go wrong

genre: fluff(?), angst

warnings: cliche, like SUPer cliche, horrible grammar, cursing, kinda long(?) depends the kind of reader you are ig, not proofread

lee jeno amirite

alr so naturally being lee jeno everyone loves you

like how could you nOT love him its like impossible

now there are like a few people who don’t and that’s ok just live your life yknow

now lee jeno is like really really loveable

you know those situations where people are so nice that you want to kill them? that’s like everyone @ jeno minus the wanting to kill

instead it’s wanting to protect him at like all costs which is reasonable

ok so onto his dating life

jeno has a record of dating someone for like a solid one to three-ish weeks maybe the longest he’s ever dated anyone was like five weeks everyone thought he’d stay with them but it ended up breaking up so like :/

no one knows why jeno is like this like he drastically changed like kinda in the middle sophomore year 

like he went from a shy boy who couldn’t even look at a girl without blushing to this like confident boy that could make anyone’s heart flutter by just breathing

ok so like onto you

you actually were partners with jeno on a project in like the first half of sophomore year so like you know the og jeno yknow 😔

you also had like a minor crush on him at that time but we don’t talk about that

at first, you didn’t believe the rumors but then you saw/heard it with your own eyes & ears

you remember it so vividly like woah 

it was like maybe march or april of sophomore year when you were late to class and just didn’t bother going lmao 

so you were wandering around the school building and you thought you were the only one bc everyone had a class at that time so like you were kinda shocked to hear some voices in the hallways

so you wanted to be nosy bc like why not jsjd 

alr so this is what you heard 😳

“hyejin, what don’t you get? why do i have to repeat myself so many times to you?!”

“because i don’t get it! we’re literally perfect for each other!”

at this point you kinda regret eavesdropping so you try to leave quietly 

“it’s simple i don’t love you, i never did and i never will. please, did you think this would last forever? i only date for the thrill and when it’s gone so am i”

as much as you hated to admit it, you felt a little pang in your heart when you heard the boy’s words

how could someone live like that? but then again, who were you to judge how someone lived their life 

“screw you, lee jeno!” 

your eyes widen when you heard the name that was yelled out by the girl 

lee jeno?? the shyest boy on earth broke someone’s heart???? really??

at this time you didn’t know jeno was gonna be a new resident heartthrob at your school cause you’re kinda slow with news 

your friends weren’t even surprised when you asked why there were so many sad girls, seeing as you can be pretty oblivious sometimes :// me too dw 😔

so they were like jeno became like a fboi/heartthrob/heartbreaker something like that over night 

and you were like :0 bc you knew as jeno as the like really shy and nice guy who’s smile was like so adorable and made you want to protect you know 😔

alr so now to the present like two-ish years later it seems that jeno’s goal is to break like every girl’s heart at least in your grade yknow he’s going a grade at a time guys ghksd 

so you were his next target *sad emoji* how did you know this? well it seemed that he popped up next to your locker like everyday since school started back up after summer break lol

he’d usually greet you with a good morning or pickukp line

today’s was “aside from being absolutely breathtaking what do you do for a living?”

“well, i don’t really have a job but i am a student which means if i spare you any more of my breath i’ll be late to class. see you later heartthrob!” 

with that you zoom up the stairs and to your next class 

so class is over and it’s the ONLY class you share with jeno and like a third of his friends

the class was,,, overwhelming to say the least

from the girls swooning at literally everything jeno does to his friends being loud

yall know how loud like three of the members in dream are so 😔🖐

ok so this teacher is pretty chill and lets students like sit wherever which you at this moment realize is a mistake so you’re just hoping some girl at least tRiES to grab jeno’s attention and convince him but it seems luck isn’t on your side and all of the girls just seem to starstruck by jeno breathing

so he sits next to you surprise surprise 

and every time he’d tried to talk to you you’d ask the teacher a question, pretending not to hear him every time

at this point jeno got kinda annoyed but he just inhaled and exhaled, he could do this

when he was going to ask you something or flirt with you the bell rang

you didn’t pack up quickly like jeno expected- no you wanted to confuse him or maybe annoy him furthermore so when you’re practically done packing up you turn to him and say, “i miss the old shy and sweet jeno, don’t you? isn’t this whole heartthrob thing kinda tiring at times?” 

and jeno was like shook no one’s ever said that to him like woah yknow

he just kinda stayed frozen looking at you he was like: 👁👄👁 lmao jskfdj

so you just offer a smile and rush to your next class instantly regretting all your life decisions and when you get to your next class you sit down and your shoulders slump and you just bang your head on the desk yknow like jinsoul in that one live yeah :/

meanwhile jeno is still in the classroom stuck standing at that same spot and just staring at space

“hey jeno you alright bro?”

“jun shut up i think he’s having a realization moment”

“wtf is that?” 

“idk i just wanted to tell you to shut up”

and so renjun and hyuck start fighting and then jeno was like

“guys, do you miss the old me?”

“you mean the shy guy in freshman and like the first half of sophomore? nah you’re way cooler no-”

“hyuck literally shut up for oNCE oh my god”

“why should i”

“he doesn’t mean it you know we all miss the old you jeno, but who you choose to be is all up to you”

“woah that’s some deep shit renjun”

“i know bro” 

so like time skip to lunch everyone starts whispering when you enter the cafeteria and you were confused but then you sense a presence next to you and you can’t help but roll your eyes

does this guy just not give up?

so you sit at your table with your friends who give you pity looks and they eventually scoot a bit away from you and jeno 

some friends they are 😔

and you just start eating ignoring jeno because you don’t really know what to say?? like ok jsjf 

you’re kinda awkward and don’t know how to start a conversation with someone who wants to break your heart so it’s obviously gonna be a bit awkward yknow ://

then jeno just like clears his throat and is like “we were partners for a project in sophomore year, yeah?” 

to say you were surprised that he remembered that is an understatement but like your pride got the best of you and so you were like, “you can remember that but you can’t remember the last three girls you dated? interesting”

jeno poor boi chokes on his food like jaemin in that one video yknow 

but he just nervously laughs and decides he should just give up but like his pride man

“why don’t we go somewhere after school?” 

“are you asking me on a date lee jeno?”

“yes i am, you do know i’m not as shy as before, right?”

“trust me, i know that all too well” you mumble giving a tight smile you think jeno didn’t hear but he did and he thinks back to your words, it has gotten quite tiring and not to mention lonely doing this whole heartthrob thing

“well, are you going to answer my question?”

“hmm sure why not”

jeno was surprised by your answer but you just gave in knowing he won’t stop annoying you until you give in and you’d rather have a very peaceful school year

so time skip school is over and everyone collectively sighs in relief when the school gates are open 

you’re not surprised when you see jeno at the school gates waiting for you,,,,, with a bunch of girls surrounding him, asking him questions in their honey voices so you just stand there and watch him suffer at his attempts to tell them he’s got somewhere to go or smth like that 

he catches you looking at him and his situation laughing, i mean you were pretty amused by his situation but eventually you got bored and walked out of school and on your way to a cafe where you usually go to study

you don’t expect jeno to show up next to you out of breath, looking like a lost puppy

“finally got out of the hands of your adoring fangirls i assume?” you ask

you couldn’t help but smile at your own comment

“wouldn’t you like to know”

“actually i wouldn’t”

“so where to now?” jeno asks looking ahead changing the subject

you giggle again and quicken your pace

jeno finds your giggle,,, what’s the word... cute? 

no impossible

all the girls he’s been with had cute giggles

so why did he feel butterflies erupt in his stomach when you giggled? werid lmao

so yall made your way to the cafe and once you get there you immediately get your notes and stuff out

once you got everything settled and stuff you mumble a quick stay here to jeno so you can order and jeno can save your spot bless him 

so you order and stuff (i don’t really go to cafes and places like that often so that’s why i’m so awkward sorry)

once you settle back down in your seat you offer a sip to jeno and he reluctantly takes the cup and sips the drink he’s surprised at how good it is tbh same 😔

so once he sets your drink back down next to you you look up at him expectantly

“good, right?”

he simply nods and looks like he’s trying to solve all his life problems (me too bro)

you quirk your brows which jeno found REALLY CUTE LIKE REALLY REALLY CUTE HOW IS SOMEONE SO CUTE but shrug it off and go back to reviewing your notes while jeno contemplates the world’s exsistence

“so was that indirect kiss intentional or?”

you look up at him while you’re drinking your coffee with wide eyes but unlike jeno, you don’t choke you just set your drink calmly at least that’s what it looks like but inside you’re screaming 

“if we’re going to be talking and possiblly even dating for two weeks might as well become more friendly” you respond looking at him dead in the eye 

and at this moment jeno realized you had guts like bro no one he’s ever dated was that bold

and so he just smiles yknow that smile i’m sure you know that smile 

and so once you’re done studying and stuff idk you go back home and jeno offers to walk you home and you were like sure bc it’s not like he’ll take no for an answer

so the next day ! 

and on his way to school he thinks about all his life choices so far

and one of them is this heartthrob thing

is it really worth it? does he really want to continue committing to his goal i mean is the goal that important

deep shit like that yknow

and then he decided he’ll continue his goal bc why not

so when he got to school he waited at your locker for a WHILE

jeno almost gave up waiting but when he saw you rushing through the school doors his face literally lit up and he stood a little straighter

he’s whipped wbk

so he looks down at his phone rereading the pick up line he found on the internet 

when you opened your locker you were like, “sorry to keep you waiting, i missed the bus and just made for a run for it. sorry for being late, babe.”

hfhsjk i just cringed typing that hNGn ok 

so boi jeno was like shook and made that noise yknow the eH  

and you just smile and it seems your timing is always perfect bc then the bell rings 

so time skip to like a week later

by this time you’ve gotten used to jeno and jeno has gotten used to you and how you can sometimes be bold like REALLY bold lmao

and you get used to jeno being awkward and cute and his pick up lines but i mean you got used to it immediately bc that was how the old jeno™ 

so you guys are just walking with ice cream (cliche i know 😔)

so there’s this ice cream parlor that’s pretty close to your school and a lot of students go there so that’s why you’re not that surprised to see a bunch of familiar faces as you walk out of the parlor but you become aware of the fact that you are walking and holding hands with the lee jeno™ and so you kinda loosen your grip on jeno’s hand and look down at the ground

jeno notices this and immediately grabs your hand again, lightly squeezing it to reassure you everything is fine :)

and that’s when you hear it

“lee jeno got a new girlfriend already? guess i was too late” 

“don’t worry they probably won’t even last two weeks”

“how much you wanna bet they won’t even last one week”

and then your mood drops even more :(((

you think that jeno doesn’t hear it but he did and he’s >:(

and that’s when he decides that you will be first person he will love and no one else his first and last amirite

it’s not like he’s forcing himself to love you bc he’s well one his way 

everyone can see how he’s whipped for you but they still doubt it’ll last :/

so while he’s deep in thought he doesn’t realize that you’ve just stayed in that same spot after hearing those girls and when jeno realizes this he rushes to your side and takes your hand in his

then you look up at him in somewhat surprise and he just smiles

“i promise you that i will love you and only you, you’ll be my first and last love” (can you hear me dying and cringing while typing this?)

you can see the sincerity in his eyes and voice when he says this to you and you were like, “ayyy that’s a bit cringe even for you heartthrob no?”

he just chuckles softly and you can’t help but smile

believing him at that time may have been your worst mistake 

“soooo, how would you feel being my girlfriend?”

“why not, heartthrob” 

scratch that, that was you’re worst mistake

so a week later everyone is surprised to see jeno pursuing a girl for that long yknow i don’t even know what this is anymore shfjls ok 

so when it’s revealed you are official the whole school starts placing bets to see how long yall would last and although you’re kinda :( you immediately go :) bc you remember jeno’s words and decide no one needs to believe yall would last only you two. yknow cliche and cheesy stuff like that bc love has you blinded sis 

and so when you finally get to your locker you see jeno,,,, followed by a bunch of girls begging to break up with you and get with them and he just smiles and nods 

cause that’s all the poor boy knows, smiling and nods and then he spots you and his face immediately lights up and you just give him a tight smile and a questioning look bc how are you gonna get to your locker with all these girls in the way

you don’t want to be rude or anything so you just try your best to push through the crowd

when you finally get to your locker jeno’s attention goes to you and what you start doing, ignoring all the girls trying to get his attention lmao

eventually the crowd thins out and you just look to him with a slight smirk

“the heartthrob title seems to follow you everywhere, huh?”

“i really wanna drop it for you, yknow”

“hmm i can tell” 

you both just share a knowing smile and it’s so cute omg uwu

and so time skip to like lunch and you’re sitting with your friends after you had an agreement with jeno to let you sit with your friends this time around and he just obeys like a little puppy jskj

“what did he tell you that has you so whipped?” your friend finally starts with a slight smirk 

and you’re just like hmm? and look up from your food 

you aren’t necessarily into love but neither are you heartless you get me?

so you explain to them what jeno said to you that day in the shortest way possible and they just look at each other 

and you’re left clueless like, what?

and finally one of your friends speak up

“you don’t believe him right? he says that to like every girl when they’re unsure if they want to get with him”

and you’re just like ‘oh’ and look at your food

you can’t believe you actually believed his words

you’re mad at jeno, sure but more mad at yourself for believing him so you just nod at your friends

as if to tell them you understood

so skip to where you confront jeno :0

“you think you can lie to me and just simply get away with it?” you look jeno dead in the eye and he’s just caught off guard by your words and your voice 

“w-what do you mean?”

“don’t play games with me lee jeno. you know i thought something could actually come out of this, if not a relationship then at least a friendship! all you know is how to lie to someone jeno. i’m not going to waste my time on a relationship built off of lies.”

jeno is left speechless, what did you mean? why are you suddenly acting like this? wasn’t everything fine last time you guys talked

you seeing his confused face you decide to explain furthermore

“that whole first and last speech was just something you recited to every girl, wasn’t it?” 

jeno doesn’t respond for a while and just looks at you, searching for what you’re feeling but it seems he can’t figure out what it is you’re thinking

you take his silence as him agreeing with your question

you scoff and decide you’ve had enough of lee jeno today and start walking home

you weren’t surprised when lee jeno didn’t follow you 

the next day at school you don’t see jeno at your locker and you just shrug it off 

when you open your locker an envelope falls out and you hesitantly pick it up

you open it and start reading it because your curiosity got the best of you

dear y/n, i’m sorry for not following you home when it’s pretty dangerous for a beautiful girl like you to go on your own. not that you aren’t perfectly capable of protecting yourself but it would calm my heart a bit if i knew you got home safely. i just want you to know that i wasn’t bluffing when i told you that. i may have said something along the lines of those words but that doesn’t mean i didn’t mean it with you. you are probably the only person that has told me they missed the new me. when you told me that you really put me through a spiral of thoughts. one of them being what happens if i just drop this whole heartthrob thing? then what will happen. maybe i can actually find love in this highschool, highschool sweethearts are always interesting stories to tell. that’s when i realized that it could be you. someone who has seen the old me and even misses it. which, if i’m being honest i kinda do too. this is getting too long ahhhh. what i’m trying to say is that i will truly love you and only you. 

sincerely, lee jeno

you hear someone clear their throat next to you and you look up to see jeno himself with a single rose which you gladly take lmao

“give me another chance?”

“three dates starting tomorrow, all at the diner we went to. don’t be late”

“r-right of course”

the next day was a saturday and you were waiting for jeno

“hey! i know you said not to be late but something came up with my family and i couldn’t get out of helping-”

“i get it, it’s fine jeno” you smile, letting this slide

you get it, family situations are always hard to get out of

the second day was sunday and you were waiting for jeno

you start regretting ever talking to that boy, it seemed like he didn’t even care at this point

maybe that letter was nothing but lies as well

you hear a bell ring, signaling someone had entered the diner 

you look up and see jeno searching for you with worried eyes

he was about to open his mouth to give you a reason but you just nod and smile, “it doesn’t matter right now, what matters is that you’re here now”

jeno just nods his head and reluctantly agrees with you

the third and final day was monday and you were once again, waiting for lee jeno

it just so happens that he ended up getting detention today so he was going to be late

at least that’s what he texted you

when you hear the door open you see jeno and you decide he’s not worth your time anymore

jeno tries his best to explain to you why he’s got detention but all you can look at are his crinkled clothes and the lipstick stains all over his face and neck. 

he realizes you’re staring at his face. he raises his forefinger hesitantly up to his left cheek and looks down at it, only to realize what you’ve been staring at this whole time. 

when he looks up to where you stood, he tries once again, to explain but it seems the words are just stuck in his throat. 

“it’s okay, old habits die hard.” you spoke, offering him a smile and walking out of the diner, leaving a defeated jeno.

he really wanted this to work

he really wanted to give you all the love you deserved 

but nothing seems to go his way

being known as a heartless boy who gives up on trying to love or even having a relationship seems fitting for him, right?

a/n: this is crap and the ending was kinda rushed sorry :( this is my first bulleted scenario and i really enjoyed it! it turned out to be longer than i expected it to be lmao but please do drop some more requests!1! hopefully this will be a filler til i get my phone back jsjdf (part two? i’m jk skks)

#lee jeno #lee jeno scenarios #nct scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct #nct dream #jeno scenarios #jeno imagines #lee jeno imagines #nct angst #jeno angst #jeno fluff #haechan #renjun #nct blurbs #nct dream blurbs #jeno blurbs #lee jeno blurbs #bulleted scenario #heartthrob!jeno #heartbreaker!jeno #reader insert #nct fluff #jeno #i dont think i have enough ideas for a part two atm ksks #nct dream drabbles #nct drabbles #jeno drabbles #lee jeno drabbles

[modernlcve]

*  —  stats —   shawn rhodes !

* — basics !

full name:   shawn rhodes. nickname(s):   none. age:   twenty - one. date of birth:   march twenty - third. place of birth:   dayton,   ohio. gender:   male. pronouns:   he / him. sexual orientation:   bisexual. level of education:   high school graduate.

* — physical !

tattoos:  none. piercings:   he’s let go of his ear piercings and his lip ring.   he’s just grown that’s all. notable features:   i think his curly hair is Cute. he also tries to keep some kind of Facial Hair at all times so he doesn’t look like a Tween. weakness(es):   no spine. scar(s):   two surgical scars on his chest.   a long scar on the side of his thigh,   starting at  his hip.

* — domestic !

occupation:   yeah he’s shawn from target now. residence:  in carina,   he stayed in a cheap motel in the delphinus heights area.   in phoenix,   i think we decided he,   aubrie,   and piper all share a place. social class:   lower middle case. parents:   whitney chapman,   age 43,   shawn’s mother and only discernible family for most of his life.   she’s not the best mom,   but she isn’t the worst either.   bastard Rhodes is his dad,   who was in and out of his life until he graduated high school and then got Dropped. siblings:   i mean frankly.   who knows how many siblings they actually have.   the only siblings he’s aware of are the carina rhodes trio. extended family:   his mom was decently close to her older sister,   they’d crash with her every now and then when they were between places.

* — personality !

positive traits:   dependable.   enthusiastic.    plucky. negative traits:   impetuous.   mercurial.   reticent. myers-briggs ( x ):   isfj;   the defender. temperament:   phlegmatic. moral alignment:   neutral good. horoscope:  aries,   the ram. hogwarts house:  slytherin.

* — favorites !

movie:    the cabin in the woods. tv show:   the office. book:   it. drink:   apple cider. food:   he will kill and die for that good cincinnati style chili. animal:   dogs. color:   red. song:   don’t look back in anger by oasis. artist:   cage the elephant. celebrity crush:   zoe saldana.

* — impressions !

first impression:  he doesn’t make a strong first impression, if only out of self defense.   he’s always been the type to look to blend in,   and part of that is being just nice and  inoffensive enough to fly under most people’s radar. self impression:   shawn does genuinely think he deserves better  ( and that maybe for once he’s finally getting it  ).  he thinks he’s a good person who’s been beat down,   and yeah he borders on having a victim complex but. lover impression:   yeah he gets nervous on dates he simply doesn’t have the confidence to not.   but in an established relationship he really just Loves the idea of having someone to rely on and someone who can rely on him like he didn’t get that in his family and Revels in getting to have it now.

* — et cetera !

turn ons:   short people.   confidence.   familiarity  ( if that’s not a psycho thing to say ). turn offs:   aggression.   gossips.   smokers. drink/drugs/smoke:   yes/no/no. dominant hand:   right. clean or messy:   clean. early bird or night owl:   night owl. hobbies or special talents:   he’s gotten pretty good with computer stuff since piper has Enlisted him.   he’s musically inclined but he doesn’t really want to do anything with it.

* — QUESTIONNAIRE !

01. where was your character born? what brought them to carina/phoenix? what do they like most about the town?

shawn was born in dayton,   ohio,   but he never really put down roots there.  his mom moved him around a lot,   so while it’s technically his hometown,   he doesn’t really have a super strong connection to it.   he came to carina to meet up with the rest of the Rhodes clan.   he moved to phoenix for a Few reasons,   the main one being piper’s manic roadtrip,   the fact that as much as ohio sucked north carolina just Hates queer folx,   and also just bc he lives for travel and shaking things up.   he likes the people the most at this point,   getting to blend aubrie in with his siblings really is a Dream Come True

02. who are your character’s friends and family? who do they surround themselves with? who are the people your character is closest to?

shawn’s family is his friends.    he really only had his mom to speak of for a lot of his life,   and their relationship is Fine but not the Best.   he’s considered aubrie family for a minute now,   just because he’s one of few people who’s been there for him when he’s needed it.   he mostly surrounds himself now with his newfound siblings and the people they know as he tries to get acclimated to that.

03. what is your character’s biggest fear? who have they told this to? who would they never tell this to? why?

shawn fears instability.   the big reason he doesn’t like resent or blame his mom for how rocky their situation was when he was growing up is because he knows she hated it as much as she did.   he watched how she kinda wrecked her shit by caring too much and he worries he’s gonna go down the same path.   he strives to have some kind of really boring domestic life one day,   but he already knows he gets antsy staying in one place too long so like maybe its already too late.   he’d probably talk to aubrie about this but he’s not ready to dump everything on say piper yet even if he knows all her business.

04. has your character ever been in love? had a broken heart?

not really 2 either.   he didn’t stick around any high school long enough to Really Date,   and once he graduated and moved out he met aubrie and while he didnt have an all consuming Thing for her at the start,   once he realized he did he stopped dating and started Pining baby

06. it’s saturday at noon. what is your character doing? give details.

working probably.   gotta stay on that grind.  if he’s not at work working,   he’s probably helping piper film or edit or whatever she has to delegate to him.   and if for some Miraculous reason he doesn’t have to do either of those things,   he’s chilling with aubrie or goofing off on his own.   he’s interested in music and likes to hang out around record stores or just stream something Solid and stare at the ceiling its how he Centers himself.

07. what is one strong memory that has stuck with your character since childhood?

he has a lot of Negative ones but. i like to be happy.   he vividly remembers going to see Batman Begins in theaters.   his dad was in and out of his life,   but it was one of the times he was in and staying with him and his mom.   they made a whole little day out of going to the movies and lunch before and then all went home together and it was just a nice little day where their dads Dumbassery didn’t ruin everything.

09. what is something that upsets your character? where do they go when they’re upset?

shawn is Upset when he feels like he doesn’t control a situation or when he feels Lonely jsut general things ig that make everyone sad.   when he’s upset,   he likes to have his space and go to his room and just be in a space where he Is in control and feels like a Human

10. when your character thinks of their childhood kitchen, what smell do they associate with it? why?

his mom was big into making candies and stuff as gifts and goodies for people in her life.   because they’re from ohio peanut-butter buckeyes were a Staple in any candy mix so that whole peanut butter and chocolate situation is Nostalgic to him.

#( shawn rhodes. ) #( stats. )

[villainscomplex]

Rabbit Heart / Lion Heart

me, like a month late w/ posting this

anyways pretty sure i dissociated through this whole thing lmfao because it took me a hot second to remember writing this but anyway here’s my @bokunoboyszine piece like. late as always. teenage shouto bc hey what can you do.

You can also find it on:

AO3

FFNet

Wattpad

Quotev

Oftentimes, Shouto wakes to his scar throbbing.

Cold sweat drips down the back of his neck, his chest heaves, his heart feels like it's in his throat, and his scar aches aches aches to its rhythm. For just a moment, he is frightened, terror overtaking his body and wrapping around his throat like a noose. Unsightly, unsightly, unsightly, his mind keeps skipping like a broken record. It's been damaged for as long as he can remember, repeating over and over since that day when he received his scar.

Shouto can't remember the last time he cried. He thinks he's out of tears by now.

The morning sun filters through his window, faint and delicate, spreading like liquid across the floor and embracing the parts of his room it can reach. His bed is too far aside for it, and Shouto feels a sort of detachment - here he is, lurking in the shadows, and the sun is right there, but he can't bring himself to step into it.

Shouto knows he won't sleep again, but he curls up and tries regardless.

(Shouto, his mother tells him in his dreams, white clouds of breath floating around her, hair whipping like a wraith, but fingers gentle, gentle, and cold and so real against his cheek, never forget who you are. Never forget what it is that you can do. This power of yours belongs to you and you alone. You are not your father's plaything.

And then she vanishes, dissolves into thin air as in her wake Enji looms, and he is tall, taller, tallest. He smiles, says, I do this because I care for you.

Shouto only thinks, this is not love.)

When sleep doesn't come to him, Shouto takes to the outdoors. The morning air is chilled, nipping at his cheeks and rolling over his skin, dragging goosebumps up with long, cold fingers. Running clears his head - it gives him a chance to allow his more intrusive thoughts to blow away into the rising sun, just for a moment. When he runs, Shouto feels free, like he's flying, like he's weightless and in a constant state of free fall, feet never touching the ground. He runs until he's breathing hard and then he runs some more.

He remembers, vividly, that the festival had been that day.

It's odd, he thinks later - he only remembers it specifically because of his run that day, specifically because of the sensations and the wind dragging wiry fingers through his dual colored hair. When he arrives home from the run, his father is waiting, all fury and coldness crushed into one looming man.

Shouto does not fear his father. He does not fear Todoroki Enji. He fears what Todoroki Enji can do, will do, without hesitation. He fears Endeavor, all scorching flames and merciless fists and cold, cold, cold eyes. Shouto fears his own lack of courage to do anything but petty rebellion. He is not his mother; he won't step forward to take the blows when they're aimed at someone else. Something always swells in his throat, something always screams stop him, or say something, you coward, but he never does.

The festival takes place at night, in the center of the city.

Enji doesn't want to go, and his displeasure shows in the flex of his arms, the slow, downward drawl of his lips. Nonetheless, he takes Shouto by the arm and they go - he's got a reputation to uphold, and there are people expecting him. So he goes, and Shouto knows that Enji will show his displeasure later, knows there will be hell to pay when they're away from prying eyes.

Shouto is a teenager, but he sees the way others his age run around the festival, laughing and chattering, and realizes there's this distance between him and everyone else that he never quite managed to close.

He dubs it the Incident - one moment, his father is talking to someone, someone of stature, someone who will be a good connection in the future, and the next a hand is curling around Shouto's arm and he flinches, but there's a voice, soothing and soft and feminine in his ear. She's talking quickly, too quickly, and he can't see her face, but a part of him doesn't want to turn.

"Todoroki Shouto," she's saying, voice disembodied, all around him, in his head, "I come bearing a gift for you. Remember, young one, courage comes when you need it most, when you least expect it. Do not abuse it - you will learn or you will suffer as you never have before."

And then it's gone, she's gone, and there's a weight in his hand but his father is coming back so he shoves it away into the folds of his yukata without pausing to think.

Later, long after the festival is over, long after he's taken to the refuge of his room, holding his breath, waiting for the sound of footsteps that never come, Shouto fishes the weight out. It's a small box, the size of a ring case, containing a single, marble shaped ball that's swirling with reds and yellows and greens. Courage, reads the inner case, take caution, for too much of something good can have negative consequences.

Courage, Shouto thinks, this rabbit hearted boy, staring down something that could potentially change life as he knows it. Courage, Shouto thinks again, whispers it, craves the way it tastes on his tongue, the way it swells in his throat, begging, pleading to be freed, a bird beating against the cage of ribs and skin. Courage, Todoroki Shouto thinks, and he doesn't pause to consider the woman's warning, the box's warning, or even how this works, but suddenly the reds and greens and yellows explode against his tongue and consume consume consume.

There's a sort of beauty in his anger.

Shouto has two breeds of anger. One like ice, cold, creeping, unnerving, and inescapable. The other like fire, blazing, raging, ravenous, and bearing down on anyone and anything in its path.. To combine the both of them is to bring about the end, to bring about destruction and true fury. To combine the both of them is what this dose of courage does to him, brings fire licking up his throat like vindictive pleasure and ice creeping from his teeth like vengeance.

He craves for the feeling long after it fades.

Shouto comes to learn that the orb reappears after the courage wears away. He's careful with it at first, keeping the box from prying eyes and taking a dose only when the darkness threatens to swallow him in the depths of nighttime. There's something ecstatic, something addicting about the sensation of unadulterated courage.

The morning of Shouto's first day at U.A, his father's steps come marching down the hall, rhythmic and heavy. They thump in time with Shouto's heartbeat as he jolts awake, rolls out of bed, and pauses. The box lays just in his line of vision, dark and velvet and tantalizing. Take one, it coos.

Shouto does not resist. He feels the ice creep down his throat, the fire inflate in his lungs, the courage seep through his veins, slow and lethargic like venom.

Before, when Enji stepped into the threshold of Shouto's only safe haven, Shouto would cower, recoil, step back, away away away. Now he stands straight, staring into the eyes of his tormentor. Todoroki Enji is just a man like any other, and Shouto can't believe it's taken this dose of courage for him to realize that. This time, when Enji reaches for him, Shouto swats his hand away.

"Don't touch me," he snarls.

Enji's shoulders burst into flames, angry and scorching and cruel. "Don't you dare speak to me like th-"

This, Shouto realizes, is where he would feel fear. This is where he would fear for his life, his mother's life, his sister's life. But he feels nothing, nothing but his own fury swelling in his throat like a symphony, discordant notes ready to spill from his teeth. He feels nothing but the courage egging him on, whispering in his ears, do it do it face your fears my lamb tell me how it feels to burn.

Shouto sneers at his father, at Enji, at Endeavor, at the man who haunts his sleep at night. "You were the one who wanted me to go to U.A in the first place - now you aren't going to let me get ready to go in peace?"

What are you going to do, father? He thinks. Hit me?

But Enji only holds his gaze, furious and trembling, and then turns on his heel and marches out.

The courage wears off as Shouto approaches U.A. It's sudden; his legs nearly come out from beneath him, trembling with exhilaration left over from the argument. He staggers, ducks into the nearest restroom, and hides himself in the first stall. Instinctively, he grabs for the comfort of the box - it's in his bag, tucked into a little pocket. His fingers drag over it, but he just takes a deep breath and steps out. U.A waits for no one.

There's something foreign about the school, about the way it's so bright and hopeful. The energy is consistently high, as Shouto comes to learn, and he does not have the courage to face these people who understand who they are and where they're going. He doesn't have the courage to face his classmates, faces of all kinds who have reasons for being here, reasons for wanting to be a hero that Shouto lacks.

Shouto is distinctively aware that he doesn't belong her among these people with their smiling features and loud laughs as they flock together. Birds, he thinks. It's always birds.

Shouto doesn't flock towards anybody.

Take caution, the warning within the box still reads, but Shouto begins to ignore it. The courage makes him feel powerful, fearless in the face of death, fearless in the face of destruction, fearless in the face of a hero training challenge and in the face of villains pursuing him in a landslide zone.

Do not abuse it, the woman's voice repeats in his head, but Shouto tunes it out, uses the courage more and more. The colors in the orb begin to darken and dull, vibrant yellows and reds turning dark and sickly. The latter part of her warning is lost to time.

Shouto is ravenous, desperate. His mind no longer repeats unsightly, but more, more, more. His strength begins to wane, and no amount of training helps restore it.

Midoriya Izuku chooses that moment to stumble into his life. Shouto doesn't know the boy, but he recognizes his resolve, recognizes that Midoriya is the one he needs to beat if he's going to find his way towards his own goal, whatever it may be.

There's a sort of vindictiveness in the fear that swells in his chest when he's forced to use his flames against this matchstick boy. For a moment, he craves for the sensation of his solid courage melting on his tongue, but he can't get it yet. Not yet. Not yet.

Midoriya's eyes are emerald flints, and Shouto feels nothing but terror as he burns beneath his stare.

He takes another dose of courage and promptly doubles over, seized by a coughing fit. His lungs rattle, fingers tremble, but he is strong, strong enough for this, and he takes Midoriya aside in a dark corridor, stares him down and recognizes his own brand of fear staring back at him.

"I promise you," he tells Midoriya, holding his ocean eyes - Shouto wants to sink sink sink - without blinking, "my pain was never poetic. It was going days without rest and acting as though I was stable enough to carry on."

"But you never were," Midoriya whispers, like he understands.

"No," says Shouto, "I wasn't."

Midoriya looks at Shouto like he understands him, but they're still leagues apart and Shouto realizes this in the midst of his battle with Midoriya. Sero had been courageous, daring to fight a battle he'd known he couldn't win. Midoriya fought a battle he had a shot at winning - and gave it up. Midoriya is all fire in a different way, all broken bones and bruised hands and something warm and pulsing and powerful.

This is what it means to have courage. Midoriya is the epitome of it, and the sheer force takes Shouto's breath away.

(It's your power, isn't it?

Somewhere, along the way, Shouto had forgotten.)

He doesn't win the Sports Festival. At some point in the process, he resigns himself to his thoughts, about himself, about Midoriya, about people like Uraraka and Sero and Bakugou. I want to be like them, he thinks. He takes another dose of his courage, feels it crawl down his throat, molten and painful.

Take caution, the inside of the small box still reads. Shouto watches the orb, black as night, reform in the small indention.

And then he doubles over, feels blood trickle from between his lips, and blacks out.

--

In his dream, Shouto's mother sits by his bedside. She's gazing out the window when he comes to, hair swaying gently in the warm summer breeze. Her hands are clasped in her lap, soft and uncalloused, framed by sleeve that are a yellow so distinctively different from what he's used to that it nearly brings tears to his eyes. Rationally, he knows this is a dream - for all the courage he's been given, he has yet to use any of it to go see her.

Perhaps he isn't as courageous as he'd hoped to be.

But then she turns and looks at him, really looks at him and not at the half of him he despises, and smiles the gentle smile he remembers, and Shouto feels a warmth slip from his eyes that he hasn't felt in a long time.

"Shouto," she says, "my beautiful son."

"Mom," he replies, voice cracking pitifully, fingers reaching out, passing through her. He can't remember the sensation of touching her well enough to replicate it, but he's never forgotten the gentleness of her fingers against his face.

She reaches out and touches his cheek, fingers cold, soft, familiar.

"Stay soft, Shouto. It looks beautiful on you," she tells him, "and children should not have to fight and suffer to be young. There's courage in being scared, my lion."

"I love you." Shouto blurts. "I'm sorry. I haven't come to see you."

She only smiles. "I love you too, Shouto."

When she leans in to press her lips to his forehead, Shouto wakes. He's staring up at a white ceiling, where the overhead fan shakes rhythmically and creaks as it goes around. It's broken, he thinks, turning his gaze slowly to look around. Everything aches and his lungs feel like they're burning. The courage is gone - by now, he recognizes the gaping emptiness where it usually fills.

Midoriya is by the bedside, fast asleep.

His eyebrows are pinched, as though he'd been worried, and he twitches when Shouto's gaze falls on him, but doesn't wake. Shouto hears someone approach, but he doesn't shift to look.

"You're lucky," the woman's voice says, "he found you in the hall and carried you here, even though he was under explicit orders not to use his right arm after that fight of yours."

Ah, Shouto thinks. So then this must be the nurses' office. There's a twinge of guilt.

"I'm sorry," he says, but he doesn't know if he's talking to the nurse or Midoriya.

Midoriya chooses that moment to jerk awake. "You're awake!" He gasps, gaze fixing on Shouto.

"I am," Shouto replies, blinking back at him. He reaches up slowly to touch his own face. There are trails there, beneath his fingers, and he takes the time to wipe them away. "Thank you, Midoriya."

Midoriya straightens. "For what?"

"Everything," Shouto tells him.

Midoriya doesn't know it yet, but Shouto thinks he's ready to find his own courage.

"I think," Shouto continues, "I'm going to visit my mother."

Midoriya smiles, and Shouto flocks to it like a moth to a flame. "I'm glad," says Midoriya.

(Take caution, the label reads, but Shouto ignores it. He doesn't need the warning anymore.

It takes plenty of courage to throw the box away.)

#bnha #todoroki shouto #todoroki rei #todoroki enji #endeavor #midoriya izuku #bnha fanfiction #mha #boku no hero academia #my writing #writing #zine #boku no boys zine #my hero academy cosplay