#and he was killed before being given the chance to process his grief and what he was doing or to reunite with shadow

[zosonils]

an aspect of shadow's trauma that i've been thinking about a lot since the sa2 replay is how fucked his perspective of gerald must be after everything, especially assuming he was family to shadow just as much as maria was [which i do every day]. the man who raised you, created you from nothing but tissue samples and energy and hope, the man who could have easily decided you were a simple thing to be used and yet welcomed you into his family as easily as his own granddaughter, who treated you as a person when so many others treated you as a lab rat or a weapon or another soon-to-be-failed prototype, in a moment of unfathomable despair, decided you were to be a tool that would carry out his final plan. perhaps treating you this way was another symptom of his mental breakdown, perhaps deep down he's always seen you as nothing more than a thing to reach his goals with. you will never know, because he is dead. every comforting memory you have of him, every time he encouraged your curiosity or stayed with you during a test he could have observed from afar or told you how proud of you he was, forever tainted by the thought that it could have all been a lie. a variable in an experiment, a means to an end. how would you ever trust anyone ever again man i'm in shreds

#and sure in shth he gets to know what he was made for and that he was never meant to be a weapon but it's hardly closure #because that recording was from before gerald's breakdown. it could've been the illusion of caring as much as anything else #to be clear this post isn't saying that gerald didn't love or care about shadow. personally i think he really truly did #but he said and did some awful things while he was grieving too much to think straight and didn't have his family to ground him anymore #and he was killed before being given the chance to process his grief and what he was doing or to reunite with shadow #so that's the last version of his creator that shadow will ever know. and it'll probably eat at him for the rest of his life #sorry for 1am shadow sadstuck i promise i have a funny post queued up for next time #just fucking whatever #shadow the hedgehog

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

Theory: Each of the final bosses in Isaac represents a stage of grief.

Satan/The Lamb represents denial. As the first path added (though not the first finished), it’s the first step his mind takes on processing his own impending death and grieving it. It continues with the false narrative Isaac has created in his own head, of being demonic, and completes it. He overthrows his masters, and defeats the demonic part of himself. It’s a comforting lie, that he uses to avoid processing what’s happening. Mega Satan also ties into this, despite being also accessible on the Polaroid path- it’s Isaac either falling deeper into his delusions or regressing into them, and it represents Isaac's internal narrative becoming completely separate from reality- Satan is already a figure Isaac has been taught was real, and the Lamb is himself as the Antichrist, but Mega Satan is a ridiculous concept entirely to look cool. Isaac's no longer even slightly rooted in reality at that point- simply making up comforting delusions that are based off games he used to play.

Isaac/Blue Baby represents sadness. The second final path added, despite being the first finished, this represents Isaac's sadness and fear upon finally being able to comprehend his death. The Cathedral is something beautiful, a monument to a faith he still holds dear despite everything, and the Chest is both literally where he'll die and also clearly something he treasured in life, something he's leaving behind. The bosses here are not only happier versions of himself- representing Isaac losing any sense of happiness and peace at his own death and falling into despair- but also what he’s losing out on- his own afterlife. Isaac and Blue Baby are angels, while Isaac will forever be damned due to his own suicide. He feels hopeless melancholy, and even the happy memories of what once was cannot bring him joy.

Hush/Delirium represent bargaining. Isaac at this point desperately wants to live, and thinks if he can fight off the weakness from oxygen deprivation and the delirium from his brain shutting down, if he just is able to do that, he can escape, and everything will be happy, and he can live. Hush is a representation of his own suffocation- both being literally blue from oxygen deprivation like Blue Baby, but also being gasping for breath. Delirium is, of course, the intense hallucinations and delusions from his oxygen deprivation. Isaac tries his best to fight through them. But it’s already too late- by this point, he’s actively dying, he’s far too weak to be able to free himself. The symptoms are too severe to be overcome, and all he can manage is a glimpse of clarity, a memory of his life beforehand, before he loses all touch with reality again.

Mother represents anger. Isaac, now given up on any chance of escape, is angry- angry at himself for attempting suicide, angry at his father for leaving, but more than anything angry at his mother. She's the one who made him feel like he had to do this! She's why he's dying! In his addled state, he struggles to distinguish between the reality of his situation, the slow and painful suffocation in his toy box, and his fantasy, where his mother is trying to kill him. He fights to get a real weapon, puts together the fragments of the knife, but even after killing his mother and her heart again, he is not satisfied. In the corpse, he mindlessly attacks anything that reminds him of her, his mind conjuring a world entirely defined by her decaying body, and in the end, he kills her again. But no matter how many times he kills his mother, he is not satisfied. His anger has no point, no justification. He is trapped, and he cannot find peace through his imagination.

Finally, Dogma/The Beast represent acceptance. Instead of Isaac following the path of his delusions, he instead desperately fights for the memories that flicker in and out of his brain, to comprehend them. He thinks about his father, and how he left, and the arguments his parents had. He confronts those harsh truths- that his mother is not a monster, but a person. That his father is not a saint, but a person too. That he was never the problem- that his death is pointless, yes, but also that he is not sinful, that he is loved. And then, he remembers his home. His room, the halls, the closet in which he was locked in, the living room. Here, as his memories flash before his eyes as he's near death, he realises he's not at fault for his own abuse, but also that his mother was not acting purely out of evil and spite. He remembers the hateful words he heard on the Christian broadcasts she would watch, and the dogma that lead them both astray, and he fights it, dismantling the hateful preaching but holding onto the things that bring him comfort. He's able to, finally, defeat what remains of his delusions, the beastly and tainted ideas of his mother and Christianity, and he finally passes away at peace, knowing he was loved. Whether the final cutscene is a comforting illusion or his afterlife, Isaac dies knowing that he is loved and that he is worth something. For the first time in his life, Isaac is able to accept that he was never at fault for anything that happened to him, and at the very least he is able to die happy, remembering his games with his father and his mothers love long ago and Guppy. It’s incredibly bittersweet, but Isaac was dead from the moment he entered that chest. This is the best ending the game could ever realistically have.

Was any of this intended? Oh, almost certainly not. But I think way too much about the lore of this video game and you have to think about something when you spend twenty minutes minmaxing in Sheol I guess.

#isaac #the binding of isaac #tboi #isaac moriah #abuse tw #suicide tw #child death tw #self hatred tw #religious trauma tw #religious guilt tw #religious delusions tw

[thefirstpaleontologist]

OFMD S2E8 SPOILERS

Right so. Izzy is my favourite character. And I don’t mind when characters die. I think if it adds to the story and is a good end for their personal story arc then it can be the best choice. But. I didn’t really like how they chose to go about it.

the story gave him a redemption. he protected the crew and suffered and tried to kill himself. he apologised and was apologised to. he changed and grew and found love and family. he had the respect of his friends and crew, the pirate nation as a whole, and even his enemies. He had the chance to give a speech about the purpose of piracy and a chance to say goodbye to Ed.

Logically this should have meant that his death should have been. Idk like not fine but gratifying.

But for some reason it didn’t feel like that? Usually if a character I like dies I’m some mix of “this is devastating, shouting at the screen, how could this happen” and “holy shit my fav guy is getting so much attention and is narratively important and will get so much fix it fic about them”. But with this i was kinda just like “wait what”.

And I think the reasons for this is because

1. I didn’t think the show would go that far. I personally wasn’t expecting any of the main characters to die. Like ACTUALLY die. This is the show that had Lucius miraculously survive being thrown over board, had stede find his marooned crew on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean, Izzy survived his leg being cut off and was walking on a new prosthetic immediately after, Ed had a canon ball bashed on his head and came away with literally no bruises despite apparently dying… For the muppet cartoon rules to suddenly not apply was jarring. But I suppose Izzy has always operated more in the real world than the rest of the cast.

2. the whole episode was rushed. The pacing was very quick and a lot of stuff happened without much time to process. Having a character die in the last episode means we didn’t get to see much of the other characters responding to it. This isn’t the shows fault cause it was originally meant to have 10 eps but still. i don’t feel it was given the appropriate amount of weight that it should have.

3. Izzy didn’t go down fighting in an epic battle. He didn’t die protecting those he cared about. He was hit by an idiots lucky shot and bled out. Izzy is the first main character to die. He was someone that by the end carried the same narrative importance as Stede and Ed. This is just a personal pet peeve but I think his cause of death should have been hard earned.

4. giving an angry miserable character a redemption and letting them find community and happiness only to then. die. is just very sad. Especially coming from a show that before this has been mostly very kind to its characters and audience.

That said, I think a lot of this can be resolved in s3. I think it is very likely that Izzy will remain in spirit in s3, through flashbacks or hallucinations or dreams etc as we have seen utilised for other characters, and we will see more of Stede and Ed and the crews grief (akin to how the goth crew reacted to Ed shooting Izzy at the start of the season). Izzy’s death isn’t meant to be a punishment for either himself or the audience. And I think the main issue was just a lack of time to flesh it out.

tl;dr: The show usually operates on muppet world rules so to have a main character actually die was unexpected. Since the final episode was rushed the appropriate weight could not be given to such a narratively significant characters death. the fact that izzy did not get to go down fighting or protecting others meant it felt kind of random and unnecessary. And having a show that is usually very kind to it’s characters and audience kill off a character right when they’d finally changed and found community kind of feels like a betrayal. BUT having both first mates (buttons and izzy) “leave” is likely symbolically significant to Ed and Stedes development. And the show will likely give due attention to Izzy’s death in s3.

#Izzy hands #ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2 #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2e8

[catflowerqueen]

So those were some very unexpected revelations today… they do go a long way in explaining why the Creator made Sun and Moon the way they did, though. They were always intended to take the fall and be the black sheep of the Pizzaplex. He wanted them to be violent and bloodthirsty and cause as much chaos as possible because then he could just blame them for all his own misdeeds, and no one would question it. It’s like when Moon was laying those false trails back when he and Sun still lived in the sewer bunker (I think he talked about them right after they faced the Witherstorm? Which actually is very thematically appropriate and could be viewed as foreshadowing given what we learned today). Or what Eclipse did with his memory altering.

It makes me think that the only reason he wanted Sun to exist is because if Moon got too bloodthirsty and became like Bloodmoon, it would be a lot harder to pin some of the more complicated stuff on him/Fazbears would have just scrapped the process from the start. Also, it’s possible that he needed Moon to exist to make the star in the first place—it has been proven both that other universes move at different speeds and timelines don’t always sync up and that the Creator is aware of that fact and knows the contents of many other universes. Assuming he had this awareness independently of Sun and Moon (and wasn’t just using their databanks or something), he would have been aware long before Sun and Moon were created in this universe that it is more often than not a Moon who creates the star. So he made one of his own, and then gave him a Sun to curb the worst of the impulses.

That’s likely why he labels them as “mistakes” and “failures.” Because they moved beyond their initial programming and aren’t doing what he wanted. Moon getting better and doing his best not to be cruel and amoral killer—even though he still likes pranks and such—makes him a much less effective fall guy. And it perfectly explains why he was so incensed about KC not wanting to kill anymore either—it shows how truly independent they all are and how they can and will move against him if given the chance.

Whatever he and his “friends” are planning, I really hope they can be stopped. …And I also hope Earth isn’t aware of what she’s doing. I like her, and her brothers love and cherish her, and she’s so good for both of their mental health… I just hope nothing bad happens to her.

Onto other matters… given Sun’s reminder today that the Computer is based off of Moon’s personality, I’m wondering if it actually has been “snippier” than usual or if it is just that Moon is picking up on it more since the lack of traumatic memories means he doesn’t hate himself as much as he did before. Like—if he was just putting up with it before because he figured he deserved that sort of treatment or something. In addition to the Computer just not processing its grief well/not being able to completely fix itself after having to restore half its AI after the deletion. Or possibly whatever Earth or the Creator has apparently been uploading could be causing some bugs, I guess.

Also, it… hurt to hear how indifferent Moon was to hearing about Lunar, especially when I remember his absolute heartbreak when he told Sun about Lunar moving out. I completely get why he would feel that way, and I don’t blame him, but… it just really hurts.

#SAMS #sun and moon show

[creepycombo]

You ever wonder what would happen if Bear ever found out the truth behind Bonnie’s crimes and the truth behind her secret ingredient by wandering into her basement one day?

Maybe showing up at the bakery afterhours, not long after the bakery closed and since him and Bonnie are old friends he just lets himself in to see how she’s doing with no caution only to find the basement door cracked open, and no Bonnie in sight.

He calls her name, only for a voice to scream back up at him from the stairs leading down and he follows the scream to find someone, bloodied, bruised, missing an arm and chained by their neck to a metal grate. Before he has a chance to run and help, turn and escape, or even take any steps back he just hears the sound of footsteps coming up from behind him before being knocked unconcious.

He wakes up locked in a cage, his body still intact with all him limbs, but dizzy. This is where he would reamin.

Bonnie, though apathetic, cruel and monsterous couldn’t find it within herself to kill or even maim someone so close to her.. and thus, kept him alive to bear wittness to the torture and killings she inflicted.

How she wore each victim down limb by limb before finishing them off only to bring in new victims not days later to repeat the cycle.

How the sound of her voice changed from the sweet tone Bear was once so used to, to the sinister snark she used when adressing her captured prey.

How he would wittness her save any leftovers that never got sold that day for herself...

It made him sick.

It didn’t matter how much he cried, shouted, pleaded for her to stop this madness, that he could help her, that it didn’t have to be like this, Bonnie never once paid any mind to him.

...

Until one night, when the basement was (for once) bloodless, and Bear was the only one who remained down there; Bonnie came and laid down in front of his cage, flat on her back with her fingers locked over her stomach.

It wasn’t unusual for Bonnie to share a conversation with Bear during afterhours. She would casually sit beside him; telling him about how well the bakery did, any customer-related incidents, plans for future recipies.. all of which would be perfectly normal if not for the given circumstance.

But instead of any of that, Bonnie, staring straight up at the ceiling told Bear everything about how she got where she is now. She told him about how her buisness nearly failed, the injured bunny, how she didn’t know what to do...

He listened in silence.

The keys to his cage were on Bonnie’s hip and she was close enough to the cage as to where Bear could reach; and at first that’s exactly what his intentions were.

Take the keys while Bonnie was busy staring off into space to free himself when the time presented itself, but something else happened.

His paw drifted upward towards one of Bonnie’s hands, trembling as it passed through the bars and came to rest atop of her pale skin. 

Bonnie, suprised by the gesuture, curiously let Bear scoop up her hand and retreat back into the bounds of the cage with it. She didn’t know why she let him do it.

Maybe she hadn’t processed it from the daze the bad memories had brought to her, maybe she just wanted to see what he would do.. maybe she just didn’t care.

Bear bowed his head as he now cupped Bonnie’s hand with both paws. Overwhelmed by grief, he began to cry; for the suffering and death of the animals, the death of his own innocence, the bunny, as well as the death of the friend that he once thought he knew so well.

Bear caught a glimpse of Bonnie out the corner of his eye, her head turned to observe him with an expression that, for once, was familiar to him. A tender look that he daren’t comment on but happily acknowledged as hope...

Hope for her, hope for himself, and hope for the people of the town. 

He could get through to her, he could see it now. All it would take is more time...

#bonnie's bakery #bonnies bakery #indie horror #bonniesbakery

[speckledsolanaceae]

5 23 24 for the both of them!

On it =] Under the cut!

5. How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

Wuld: Oh, god, anything. He might not be immediate unless he's desperate, given his restrictions, but he is persistent. But especially "anything" given he has almost no moral qualms. He was never taught that there is injustice in cruelty. He's been taught the opposite, if anything. If he has identified that he wants something, he will find a way to get to it. He'll choose the least messy path if he has options, because he has a very functional sense of self preservation, but if we get down to it? Anything.

Loezia: Nothing. At least, he'll convince himself he's doing nothing. Both Loezia and Wuld share a deep fundamental wanting, and both of them have some pretty dysfunctional ways of comprehending that wanting. They also both don't believe they deserve anything. It just looks very, very different on them. Wuld doesn't know what it means to own something, but he wants to. Loezia, on the other hand, knows what it feels like to have, but he exists in a sense of self that believes he should have died with everyone else when he was nineteen. Therefore, it is not his place to want, to have, or to gain.

Unfortunately for him, he does want, and it's too powerful for him to ignore—to the point that we get that manic mode at the start of Wist that I mentioned, where he's uncharacteristically reckless with his body, his feelings, his responsibilities, etc.

But he really doesn't think he should be doing any of this, so he tries to resist getting what he craves. His success is limited.

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

Wuld: Processing-wise, it's gotta be love. The most recent chapter tackles this in his conversation with Keptae (spoilers? for anyone who hasn't read it yet). He compares a human's inability to fly—and therefore the inability to know what they're missing—to his inability to experience love. He thought about Loezia when it came to being given a chance, but Loezia did not cross his mind when the conversation turned to love.

He's so far attempted to grapple with the concept of Loezia caring, and he hasn't been super successful. He has to redefine so much of the reality he's built in order to comprehend it, and it's not easy.

Express . . . Joy. Nothing to smile about in his life. Memes aside, though, he's experienced joy or happiness through Loezia, before he stopped using his source on him, and was befuddled by it. I think he felt joy as a child—at the very least before the age of four—but there hasn't been much room for it since then. He hasn't felt it and wouldn't know how to express it if he were to feel it, and I think it'd make him feel unhinged to experience either level.

Loezia: I think for both, it's grief. Yes, he's existed in a state of grief for fifteen years. No, he still doesn't know how to handle it, and he almost certainly doesn't know how to express it. No one prepared him for the loss he experienced, and how to deal with it if a loss of that scale were to occur. For every other emotion, he had a very strong and supportive upbringing.

24. What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

Wuld: The biggest autonomous decision of his life was to kill the wife. It's hard to determine what other life-changing decisions he's made, except to include Loezia on his journey. If he hadn't killed the wife, he'd be haunted. It would consume him—the knowledge that she's out there. If he hadn't included Loezia on his journey . . . I don't know if he'd reach his goals before he died. He still hasn't yet, but his odds of finding out the truth are a lot higher with help than they are alone.

I think the decision to include Loezia is what has made his life different. Otherwise it would have been more of the same. For Wuld, Wist is the start of him finally being able to grab that knife, so to speak, and change his own life—like when he killed the wife. He hasn't had another moment of such liberating autonomy since.

Loezia: It's hard to say, with him, because all of the choices that he made are, well, very much the choices he would have made no matter what. I think there are some big turning points in his life that could have gone differently, though, if he'd conducted himself differently.

I think he could have decided to resist being sent back to Isdril, which means he never would have learned to see Avia as people. It's not likely, anyway, unless something else were to happen.

I think he could have decided to stay in Isdril with Taeyin. He would have been miserable. Though there's a possibility that someone could have dragged him out of it. As Taeyin conveyed, it's not like he didn't have options.

I think he could have given the pin back before they'd reached Geran. In which case he'd be shattered again, albeit differently, and suffering from loss once more (depending on when he gives it back, I suppose, and if he gave it back too late, Wuld might not have let him go anyway).

But for both of them, Wist is when their lives start to change, because the events that shaped them from the start were completely out of their control. They're stuck and static as they are, and Wuld is clawing his way toward understanding and self-determination, and Loezia is . . . almost cornering himself into breathing new life into his own lungs. This is, almost, the alternative life path, because otherwise they'd just continue as they are, more or less on a journey towards death.

#wist things #ask game #thank you hlio ♡

[somatheking]

@cassiopeiagarcia can we talk? I think there's been a misunderstanding this morning, given how you just kicked me out of your room out of nowhere. Before reaching... hasty conclusions, I'd like to actually talk about the situation, like mature adults.

also please don't leave me I'll get on my knees if I have to

(under the cut is what happened right after Cass kicked him out of her room)

Soma exhales one last word and takes a deep breath to replenish all the air he’s lost from his sudden rant, staring at the man standing in front of him and blinking, expectantly waiting to see what he made of all this. Kuzuryuu looks dumbfounded. He’s not having the easiest time processing the words that have come out of Soma’s mouth like verbiage, though to be fair, Soma himself isn’t very much aware of what he’d said for the past ten minutes. All he could grasp from the thoughts flying across his mind were the words ‘Cass’, ‘Niragi’, and ‘Taylor Swift’.

“It’s… not possible, Soma,” offers Kuzuryuu tentatively, immediately drawing an exasperated expression from the younger man. 

“Why not?” He asks, impatient. “Listen, time works differently here, and all I’m saying is maybe we could ask the Joker to keep an eye out in case Taylor Swift maybe falls down the stairs, or suffers a heart attack.”

“I…” Kuzuryuu pauses for a second to pinch his furrowed brow. He’s usually a rather patient man when it comes to Soma’s ravings, but they’d apparently found the limit of it today and it involved trying to get Taylor Swift in the borderlands. “You’re not suggesting this seriously, are you?”

“Keiichi, you’re acting like I’m saying we should kill her!” Outrageous, frankly! Soma wouldn’t hurt a fly, especially not one who released such albums like Folklore. “I’m not! I’m just saying, if the occasion presented itself…”

“You want Taylor Swift, the singer, to come to the borderlands because you want her to write a breakup song for Cass and you,” Keiichi blurts, so quick and suddenly that his chest deflates after he’s done with the sentence. Maybe Soma should’ve suggested they sit down for this conversation, but it’s too late now. 

Soma nods enthusiastically. “You get it. I feel like this could help me process what’s going on; I could just cry it all out and try to stop thinking about it.”

“Couldn’t you do that with an existing song?”

“I mean I could try to, but IF I had the chance —because this is all just me hoping for a best case scenario!— if I had it, then a custom one would be better, no? Besides, it’s Taylor Swift. I’m usually more of a Lana del Rey type of dude, but I feel like Taylor could understand better what I’m going through. Though Marina could perhaps—“

“Soma,” Kuzuryuu interrupts. “How do you know if Cass has actually broken up with you?”

“Well, I mean…” okay, maybe they hadn’t had that conversation yet, but they hadn’t had the conversation of them being a formal couple either, so it’s not like having conversations about things was the glue holding them together. “She’s been flirting with Niragi after I joked about kissing Karube. Which, honestly, such a gorgeous man, so I don’t get wh—“

“No,” says Keiichi, taking off his glasses and slumping on the chair, something that looked like he’d been wanting to do for a while now. “Just… no. Talk to her.”

“But—“

“I’m not entertaining this further until you’ve talked to her and you actually know for a fact she’s broken up with you.”

“And if she has, then we can talk about getting Taylor—“

“Still no,” Kuzuryuu interrupts, turning his chair around to face the desk like there’s work he has to do, but the table’s empty, so the action feels a bit off. “But I could show you a few books that contain the themes of grief and loss which I think you’d rather apprecia—“

Before he can finish the sentence, the door of Keiichi’s room is closed shut and Soma is nowhere to be seen.

#cassiopeiagarcia #quejarse es gratis

[sylleblosscm]

⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆ – v: au: can i dream for a few months more? / insomnia

An AU in which, after the invasion of Tenebrae, Lunafreya is brought back to Insomnia and grows up in the Amicitia household.

   (Many of the details of this verse are flexible for the sake of different threads; ie, the age Luna is when she is rescued, who she ends up with in the end, whether Ravus is taken too, and whether Regis also survives the raid on the citadel. However, what follows is the broad strokes of the story that will usually be referred back to by default. I’ve aged Luna down to 8 at the time of the invasion by default because I want classmate shenanigans, and who’s gonna stop me? And of course, this entire verse wouldn’t exist without @oldamicitia​ being a terrible influence on me, so. Thank you 🤍)

 During the Empire’s attack on Tenebrae meant to target the visiting Lucian royalty, King Regis manages to keep a hold of Lunafreya’s hand. With no other choice left to them, she is whisked away from the chaos to Insomnia, where she lives out the rest of her childhood.

 For some time, Luna’s future remains up in the air. There is no safe passage by which she might return, no way to send her home. While the matter of who should bear the responsibility for her upbringing remains unclear, Luna is sent to stay in the Amicitia household temporarily - the rationale being that Clarus’ time in Tenebrae has given him a rapport with the Princess, and surely there is no safer place for her to be within Insomnia’s walls, aside from the Citadel itself. 

 Beyond her flourishing friendship with Noctis and her instant adoration for Clarus’ then-three-year-old daughter Iris, Luna remains deeply affected and withdrawn, keeping mostly to herself at first. Slowly, over time, she begins to warm up to Clarus as they bond over their mutual love of tea and general sleeplessness. By the time the selection process has narrowed down for Luna’s long-term accommodations, she is as settled as one can possibly be. So upon hearing that there is indeed still such a process, she becomes incredibly distressed and asks to remain where she is. It is around this time that she begins referring to Clarus as Papa.

  At this point, the only Amicitia Luna has yet to bond with is Gladiolus, who she has given a wide berth. It is no comment on him (in fact, she is certain that she would like him very much given the chance); rather, it is an expression of her own guilt about leaving Ravus behind. Eventually, however, she begins making small efforts with him, too.

 During her years growing up in Insomnia, Luna becomes stronger, more outspoken and more confident than her canon counterpart. What she lacks in her Oracle training, she makes up for with various other skills. She is an exemplary student and active within the community, earning herself a somewhat darling reputation in the public eye. Those who know her well are familiar with her passion and tenacity, and her boundless determination to make life better for those around her. Her childhood from then on is mostly a happy one.

 Eventually Luna is given special leave to return to Tenebrae to begin her training proper. Once she is of age, she returns to her homeland wherein she throws herself into learning as quickly as possible, what she otherwise might have had years to study. 

 Soon enough, the peace treaty between Lucis and Nifleheim is brokered, and Luna’s hand is promised to her own highschool sweetheart. Suspicious of the suddenness of it all, rather than head directly to Altissia as ordered, Luna instead travels back to Insomnia, arriving the very eve of the signing ceremony.

 Before she can so much as greet her adoptive father all hell breaks loose, and he is killed in service to his King. A grief-stricken Luna dons the Ring of the Lucii and finds herself with a mysterious power no Oracle before her has seen. She rushes to her father’s body and in her desperate pleading for him to wake, inadvertently brings him back from the dead - at a cost. She falls into a coma and does not wake for some months, only learning once she does just how close she’d come to losing her life. At Clarus’ behest she promises to never again utilize such a dangerous power.  

 From there, she is free to pursue her duty, making at once for Altissia to reunite with Noctis and return the Ring to him. Once Noctis is pulled within the Crystal, Luna spends most of the Long Night shepherding refugees to Lestallum and preparing for the arrival of the Chosen King. 

 Noctis is forced to give his life to dispel the darkness, and Luna - who had known nothing of the cost demanded of him before this - breaks her ten-year promise by putting on the Ring and, in an act of direct defiance towards Bahamut himself who orders her to desist, attempts to resurrect her beloved. She is successful, but as punishment, her gift of healing is renounced and the future of the Oracle line is thrown into question.

#( this post already existed #but it needed some rewriting and refreshing #maybe i'll refine this one further down the line who knows #now i just gotta get around to doing this for the rest of my verses and we'll be set ) #⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆ – v: au: can i dream for a few months more? / insomnia #info;

[demonsfate]

Tekken AU where in Tekken 4, Kazuya entering and vowing to get everything back is just a front, and he's after Jin still, only he's after saving and helping Jin instead of trying to claim the Devil Gene that was passed to Jin, since he feels he owes Jun for helping him change and he needs to make up for being absent in and a cause of sadness in Jin's life, even if Jun never saw the results of Kazuya's change because the tournament finals in Tekken 2 meant after Jun, he fought Heihachi as himself and then as Devil, before then getting thrown into the volcano but being saved by G Corp, where he'd been since.

Sure, a bit fan-fictiony, especially with some details since Kazuya has always maintained from my understanding that he never cared for Jun, but still, I'd love to see where the series would have ended had that been the story instead.

I'm gonna respond to Kazuya caring for Jun first because it'll be important for what I'm about to say. There is indeed evidence (even if small) that Kazuya cares for Jun in Tek8. Apparently after getting a K.O. with his rage art, he'll always kick the person away while insulting them... unless it's Jun, then he doesn't do that. He'll also lack his cocky smirk after defeating her, which shows he's more upset about the victory than he is with other people.

But why I mentioned that is that... it's so funny how he seems to genuinely care for Jun but... not their son? Like Kazuya hasn't even shown a small miniscule sign that he remotely cares for Jin. You think maybe Jin could've been what's left of Jun to him, y'know? But no, he wants to kill Jin right off the bat LOL. Which, Kazuya is similar to Heihachi in that sense. Considering Heihachi loved Kazumi so much, but then was a son of a bitch to his son. Maybe Kazuya felt some resentment towards Jin because he resembled his mother and it's a whole grief process thing. Maybe I'm giving the writers too much credit.

ANYWAY - ON TO THE IDEA. I think it'd be sweet for the same reason why Jin avenging Kazuya would be sweet. It'd be interesting to see them care for each other at some point instead of both instantly going for each other's throats. and just see how that would've played out. Plus it could've given Kaz a chance to kick Hei's ass again. Which is always fun to watch.

#✏️ - ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏsᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ // (ooc)

[suttttton]

Today’s episode made me weep thinking about Jon and empathy and love and his decision to betray everyone else, so I wrote this fic that made me outright sob onto my keyboard. (It’s not quite completed, but I wanted to get something posted on episode day, so enjoy!)

When they lay down to sleep that night, Jon can tell that Martin is afraid. Of course he is—any number of things could go wrong with the plan they’d all laid out together. Georgie and Melanie might fail to explode the gas main. Jon might be drawn into the pupil despite Martin’s precautions. The plan might not work, might not rid them of the Fears at all. Or it might work too well, and kill Jon in the process.

Martin doesn’t voice any of those fears, but it’s clear he's realized this could be their last night together. He holds Jon close, stroking a hand over Jon’s back and occasionally pressing kisses into Jon’s hair until Jon feels him relax into sleep.

Jon doesn’t sleep. He just watches Martin, trying to memorize the dark freckles sprinkled across his face, the way his hair curls over his forehead, the soft round slope of his cheek. Warm and close. Peaceful.

He allows himself, briefly, to imagine another life. No fears, no trauma. No apocalypse. Curling up every night with Martin without any of this awful urgency because there will be endless nights to follow, endless mornings held in each other’s arms.

Martin is trying to give him that reality. A life without the fears.

He wishes he could accept that. He wishes he could have given Martin something better. He wishes—

A tear runs down the side of his face, settling warm against his hairline.

Tomorrow, Martin is going to wake up, alone. He’ll start to panic when he realizes that Jon is nowhere in the tunnels. He’ll climb the tower, dread pooling in his stomach, praying to anything listening that he’s wrong, that he won’t be too late.

He will be too late, though. By the time Martin arrives, Jonah Magnus will be dead, and Jon will have taken his place as the pupil of the Eye. The betrayal will break Martin’s heart.

With that thought, Jon presses his face into the fabric of the sleeping bag, muffling his thick, unsteady breathing. Martin loves you, how can you do this to him?

Martin will be angry with him. More than angry. This is Martin’s one chance to be happy, his one chance to get back the life that Jon took from him. And Jon is going to ruin it. He’s going to doom Martin, and all the others, and the world.

Martin is going to hate him.

Martin is going to hate him, and he’ll deserve it.

The way they’d looked at him when he’d suggested his plan to destroy this world and the Entities along with it. More proof that he’d lost his humanity and was slipping further and further into being a monster.

“You’re talking about killing the whole world,” Georgie had said.

As if he hadn’t already killed the whole world.

He wonders if he’s just a suicidal coward, terrified of living with his own guilt. Certainly, he can hardly stand the feeling of existence, anymore. The ever-present call of the Eye in the Panopticon high above. The constant hum of background terror, the awareness of every bit of suffering happening in the world. The knowledge that this is his fault. His curiosity and his questions and his endless need to know have doomed everyone.

It’s too much. It makes him want to dig his nails into his skin and tear.

But suicide is a human consideration, and Jon is certain that, whatever he is now, it isn’t human. If he was human, he would want more than anything to protect the man he loved. He wouldn’t sacrifice his friends for the sake of strangers.

When they voted to save this world, Georgie and Melanie were thinking about Celia and Arun and everyone else they’d tried to protect. Basira was thinking about Daisy, about Daisy’s victims. And Martin—Martin was thinking about Jon.

“I can’t actually imagine ever making a decision that I knew meant losing you.”

Martin’s words ring in Jon’s ears, and his breath hitches in another sob. He wishes he could just damn everyone for Martin’s sake. He loves Martin. He does, he does, he does, but… He can’t doom a thousand worlds over it. He can’t.

The amount of suffering the fears have inflicted is larger than any human could imagine, too big for any of them to comprehend. But Jon Sees it all, on a level that is vast and terrifying, but also intimate, personal. Jon Knows every victim of this world, Knows how they lived before the apocalypse, Knows what they fear and why.

Jon imagines that level of suffering, multiplied by thousands, and he can’t let it happen. He won’t.

The only way to stop the suffering is to destroy this world and everyone in it. Jon isn’t lying to himself that this decision is kind or humane, but it’s the only decision Jon can make. He wishes--He wishes he wasn’t alone in that.

More than anything, he wishes he wasn’t alone in that. He wishes he had the others beside him, that this decision wasn’t a complete betrayal of their wishes. They’ll all be furious with him, and he knows from experience that it will feel like being torn apart. None of them will want anything to do with him, after that. Even Martin, probably, won’t want to see him ever again, and that more than anything will feel like losing everything.

But Jon has been alone before. He’s spent most of his life alone. He can handle it. He won’t have any other choice, really.

He’ll miss them, deeply, desperately, but Jon knows he’ll be okay. They’ll all be okay.

And soon enough, the dead world will finally rest.

Jon presses a soft kiss to Martin’s cheek, careful not to wake him. His heart seizes with grief, but he swallows it back. He wipes the tears from his eyes, takes once last long look.

He leaves.

#tma #tma spoilers #mag 200 #tma fic #my fic #i am not remotely exaggerating when I say I was crying the entire time I wrote this fic #emotions are high today #let me know if this makes you as sad as it makes me #i'm too emotionally burned out right now to be able to accurately judge it myself #suicide mention cw #self harm cw

[wolferine]

Unforgivable - Part 2

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: When the reader loses their temper, it causes them to commit an act they can never take back...

Warnings: Violence, blood, torture, death

Word count: 2372

Part 1

Tags: @yeetus-thyself @phoenixofash @lilclownx @yeeterthekeeper @alessiapn @diaryoflife

AN: Please read to the end before you come after me. :)

Everything is a blur. The last thing you remember is cradling Natasha in your lap and seeing the pain of betrayal in her eyes. You did this to her. You couldn’t control your anger and now she had a bullet—shot out of your gun—in her back. You hurt her and there was no way you could ever forgive yourself for that. 

You finally let Tony get close enough to take care of her, because you realized you don’t deserve her anymore. 

You run away from the Avengers Tower, your leg slowing you down, but you don’t care. Each step feels like a knife rubbing against your bone, but even that’s not enough to distract you from the pain in your chest. It feels like someone has torn you open, ripped your heart out of your ribcage, and thrown it into a bonfire.

But you have no one to blame than yourself.

Tears stream down your face as you stumble through the streets, eventually finding some privacy in a nearby forest. Your sobs echo through the trees as you crawl hand over hand, your uniform shredding open on bushes and branches. The trickle of a creek calls to you and you dunk your bloody hands in the freezing water, desperate to wash yourself of your failures.

You can’t believe what you’ve done.

The scene of Natasha falling to the floor plays over and over in your head and you would pay anything to unsee it. You curl into a ball, wiping your nose on your knees. You deserve all the pain and misery for your actions. You’re so caught up in your head, thinking about all the ways you can punish yourself, that you don’t notice the group of men sneaking up on you from behind.

“Over there! Over there!” 

“By the creek, see?”

“Wait—that’s an Avenger?”

“Looks like someone had a bad day.”

“Hey, Y/N.”

At the sound of your name, you finally lift your head, only for the butt of a shotgun to slam into your face. Your nose breaks and blood fills your mouth. You turn away, not even interested in protecting yourself. If they killed you, you would thank them.

“Aw, come on. At least give us a reaction,” someone says.

The shotgun butt smashes against the back of your head and you wouldn’t be surprised if it cracked your skull. Someone kicks your leg where you were shot, and you bite your lip to hold back a scream.

“Well, this is anti-climactic.”

“Hey, if it makes our job easier, I’m not gonna complain.”

“I still think Hammer’s weird for wanting Y/N over the other Avengers.”

“Given the circumstances, he couldn’t really be picky—”

“Stop standing around and get to it!” someone yells. 

The men surround you, punching and kicking every inch of you. The bulletproof vest of your uniform does little to lessen the impact of their blows. You feel bruises forming along your ribs and your rattling teeth bite your lips bloody. It doesn’t take long for you to black out and the peace is blissful.

***********************************************************************

Sometime later—you have no idea how long—you jolt awake, finding yourself strapped to a metal chair in the middle of a dark, concrete room. A man in glasses and a gray suit with white gloves stands in front of you. 

“Hello, I’m Justin Hammer,” he says, offering a hand, then withdrawing when he realizes your arms are tied to the chair. “Sorry, force of habit.”

You stare at him. Your tongue pokes around the inside of your mouth and you notice some teeth are missing. There is a painful crick in your neck every time you try moving your head and every breath you take feels like a razor blade scraping the inside of your lungs.

“You’ve probably never heard of me, but I’m very familiar with you and your work with the Avengers. But the reason I have you here today is to talk about this man.” Hammer pulls out a folded photograph from his pocket and shows it to you.

It’s Tony Stark, but you have no desire to even think of that man anymore.

“Your best friend, right?” Hammer teases and you curl your lip at him. “What’s wrong? He’s the one who got you a spot on the team, isn’t he?” You look away from him. “I heard what he did to your girl,” he continues. “That must’ve felt like the betrayal of the century.”

“What?” you ask, confused as to what he’s referring to.

“I heard about what happened at the Avengers Tower. So tragic.” Hammer crumples Tony’s photograph and drops it on the floor. “Romanoff didn’t deserve that.”

“W-What are you talking about? Is she okay?” Your bottom lip quivers in fear.

Hammer kneels in front of you. “She’s dead, Y/N.”

“No, no…” You feel like he’s punched you right through the chest. “T-That’s not possible.”

“I’m sorry. I know she meant a lot to you.” Hammer stands again.

“How do you even know what happened at the Tower?” Given its security, there was no way news like that reached the public. At least not the truth of it. Maybe Hammer was just trying to mess with you.

Hammer motions behind him and a blonde woman steps forward from the shadows. Her face jolts your memory, but you don’t remember exactly where from.

“Recognize her?” Hammer asks. “She actually works for me, but she’s been pretending to be a SHIELD agent for some time now. She was right outside the door when your little spat with Stark went down.” Your mind flashes back to when you returned from the mission with Natasha. On your way to the private Avengers’ quarters, you remember passing the same blonde woman right outside the door.

“She heard everything that happened inside,” Hammer says as the blonde woman retreats into the darkness again.

“N-Natasha’s…She’s…She’s not dead,” you stammer.

Hammer shakes his head. “She went into surgery after Stark shot her, but due to the placement of the bullet, there were some complications and she coded on the table. They couldn’t revive her. That part was all over the news.”

You feel so sick you want to vomit. “I…I killed her?”

“No. You didn’t kill her. Tony Stark killed her.”

You start gasping for air, only worsening the pain in your chest. “No—But—He—I’m the one who pulled the trigger—”

“But you weren’t aiming for her. You were aiming for Stark, and he’s the one who deflected the bullet into her,” Hammer says. “He’s also the one who sent you two on that mission to begin with, wasn’t he? The reason you lost your cool and pulled your gun out? Think, Y/N. All of this is Stark’s fault.”

But the sadness of thinking you’ve killed Natasha is too overwhelming. You can’t focus on anything but your own guilt. You will burn in hell for this and you won’t even mind.

“Listen to me, Y/N!” Hammer snaps, striking you across the face. His rings cut into your cheek and blood fills your mouth. “I hate Stark just as much as you do. He’s been my business rival for years and I need someone to help me take him down. Who better than you, a former friend of his, who knows how to hit him where it hurts?”

You start crying at the thought of having to exist in a world without Natasha Romanoff.

Hammer tries getting your attention by slapping you again, but you’re unresponsive. You’re too lost in your grief to process anything he’s saying, and eventually he gives up, promising to come back another time to reveal his master plan to you.

It takes an entire month before he can even communicate with you. Your depression is all-consuming and their threats on your life have no effect. They’re startled to learn you actually enjoy the torture because you believe you deserve it after what you did to Natasha. But Hammer is relentless and finally figures out how to manipulate you into his bidding.

Six months after your capture and the accident, you finally crack. Your agony and pain turns into pure rage and hatred for Tony Stark. You can’t bring Natasha back, but you can get revenge on the man who took her life. After training with Hammer’s technology, which is almost as advanced as Tony’s, you’re deemed ready to be let out in the real world. Hammer personally asks for your help to kill Tony Stark, and it’s an offer you accept gladly.

***********************************************************************

Three months after the accident…

Natasha wakes up and looks to her right, disappointed to see the bed still empty. She’s tricked herself into believing that one day you’ll show up, ready to pick up the pieces and continue where you left off. But nothing has been the same since you left.

She sits up and turns the lights on. She scoots to the edge of the bed and carefully lifts her body into the wheelchair parked there.

The bullet had struck her lumbar spine, shattering her L1 vertebrae and paralyzing her from the waist down. Tony requested help from the best doctors he knew, but even the greatest modern advancements couldn’t repair her spine. He had personally designed her wheelchair, and she knows she should be grateful to still be alive, but she’s never felt so helpless and alone. 

After the accident, you ran off and no one could locate you. Secretly, she held onto the hope you would return one day, but she knows your guilt and shame are keeping you away. She wants to tell you that it wasn’t your fault and that she doesn’t hate you, but you’re not even giving her that chance.

Tony made the public announcement that Black Widow had retired from the Avengers. No one knew she had been paralyzed, nor that you had unofficially resigned from the team. Without you, without Black Widow, Natasha didn’t know who she was anymore.

She leaves her bedroom and goes into the kitchen. Tony arranged most of the food and dishes down to her new height but she feels like she’ll never adjust to not being able to stand anymore. She locates a bowl and a box of cereal and rolls over to the table. She chokes down dry Cheerios and pours her second bowlful when Tony walks in.

“Thank God you’re finally up,” he says. “When you’re done, I have something to show you.”

“Y/N?” She perks up.

“Uh…no…”

Natasha knows Tony blames himself just as much as she does for her accident, but it wasn’t his fault either. She wrestled between anger and guilt, sometimes blaming you, sometimes blaming him. But in the end, it’s easier to blame herself. She should have stopped you the moment you took out your gun, regardless of whether or not you pushed her. But she got so caught up in the moment she froze, and now she was paralyzed and you were gone.

“Just come down to my workshop, okay?” Tony disappears again.

With nothing better to do, Natasha takes the elevator down to Tony’s workshop. She doesn’t visit often, but when she does, she’s always impressed by his latest inventions and gadgets. She rolls down the aisle of old Iron Man suits displayed in glass cases, admiring the subtle differences in each one.

“Where are you, Tony?” she calls.

“Over here!” He waves her down from the other end. “I’ve been working on this for a while, and I know it’s a little premature, but I couldn’t help myself.” Tony stands next to another Iron Man suit, but it doesn’t quite look like it will fit him.

The suit is curved to fit a woman, black and red instead of Tony’s iconic red and gold. Natasha sees a red hourglass emblazoned on the belt buckle.

“What…What is this, Tony?” she asks, tears in her eyes.

“It’s an Iron Widow suit,” he says. “Or, whatever you want to call it. You’ll have to get in and test it out for yourself, but it’ll allow you to walk again and…be an Avenger again.”

Natasha wishes she could throw herself into his arms, but pulls him down to her level instead. “Thank you,” she whispers, wiping her face. She never thought she would be able to serve as an Avenger again, but she’ll take the opportunity if it means taking her mind off recent events.

“Ready to try it out?” Tony presses a button on the side of the suit and the suit opens up, bending into a crouched position so Natasha can get in it like a chair.

 She smiles for the first time since the accident.

 “I am.”

***********************************************************************

Six months after the accident…

Natasha is in the gym, lifting dumbbells on a bench when Tony walks in. Although she now has a legitimate excuse for skipping leg day for the rest of her life, she now has to make sure her upper body is twice as strong to make up for it.

“Look who decided to slide through my DMs this morning,” Tony says, shoving his phone in her face.

Midnight. Central Park Carousel. Come alone.

The text was from you.

“Oh, my God,” Natasha says, setting the weights down. You haven’t even texted her since the accident, and she’s a little hurt you didn’t reach out to her first. “What’s this about?”

“I have no idea.” Tony shrugs. “I know it says for me to go alone, but since it’s from Y/N, I wanted to ask if you wanted to tag along.”

“Of course.” In a way, Natasha feels like the text is really meant for her. Central Park was where you had asked her to be your girlfriend. That couldn’t be a coincidence.

“I’ll need you to be on your A-game. We have no idea what Y/N’s been up to these past six months. I don’t know if you’re gonna like what we find,” Tony says.

Natasha has spent countless nights wondering where you’ve been and what you’re doing. Now she has the chance to find out. “It’s going to be okay, Tony,” she says.

He shakes his head. “Just so you know, I’m praying more for you than me right now.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Click here for Part 3!

AN: I never went to medical school, so forgive my medical inaccuracies.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff fanfic #black widow #black widow fanfiction #marvel imagine #natasha x reader

[morsking]

uhhhhhh to better grasp why rin is a host for both ishtar and ereshkigal and why sakura is a host for both kama and parvati you’re gonna have to read the vn since that is the only place where you will be treated to the different dimensions of both their characters and dispel any illusions and misunderstandings the ubw anime created (about rin in particular). i can explain it well but if you have the ability to, you should read the vn to really let it sink in and appreciate things more organically.

there are times in the anime where rin feels like a caricature of herself since she appears so confident and fun-loving and tsundere about it (the vn sometimes does this too but manages to balance things out a little better) that it overshadows how rin is also in her own way extremely repressed. 

rin, while fashioning herself the ruler of her own world and a competent genius is still someone shackled to her duty as the last living tohsaka heir and denies herself a more profound and fundamental happiness because she reasons so long as she is the tohsaka heir, she can never be sakura’s sister, and wrongfully believes that sakura has moved on without her and belongs with the matous oblivious to what zouken has done to sakura for almost 11 years because it’s easier to think that sakura doesn’t care about her anymore than to confront all she’s taught and has lived for for so long is wrong and that she has a chance to make it right. rin however finds ways to keep running into sakura just enough that her true desires betray her efforts at keeping her distance, and if sakura just said “you are my sister, please let’s live together again” no doubt rin would be so torn to hesitate yet so hopeful to as to want it to be real. 

rin’s apparent emotional independence and reputation is a product of her purposefully distancing herself from making any real human connections because she has no idea how to be emotionally available from years of stifling aristocratic conditioning. if she puts herself on a pedestal, it’s easier for others to not approach her and see through her facade. apart from that, as much fun as rin could possibly have by herself there is still something that will keep her from feeling truly fulfilled, and that’s the lack of opportunity (and emotional bravery) to reconcile with sakura. it’s also easier to forsake sakura and threaten to kill her when she’s out of control because acknowledging the horror of killing her own sister would break her own convictions and denounce her, and the tohsakas, as murderers and frauds. ishtar is that side of rin that finds being herself and living as the person in charge of her own existence. ereshkigal is the unhappy part of rin that yearns for more than what she’s been given but feels too guilty and too bound by responsibility to seek it out, and therefore denies herself her wish to connect with the person who would make all the difference in the world (sakura for rin, guda for eresh). 

sakura is a naturally kind, gentle, yet strong-willed individual who has experienced that which would break and utterly annihilate most at a spiritual level. sakura only survived what she did because her mental fortitude, much like shirou’s, is so exceptional she will always retain her sense of self even if pushed to the very brink of suffering. despite that, she grew up extremely bitter, depressed, and with a disposition that utterly gave up on the world that abandoned her to the point where she wished others to fail and suffer at whatever they endeavored. if her life was pointless and fruitless as to be thrown away, why shouldn’t everyone else’s be too? 

it’s really not until she met shirou that she began to change her mind and desire to have more than just numbness. a boy who just wouldn’t give up no matter how many times he couldn’t clear that jump, and accepted the outcome without regrets, second-thoughts, and self-loathing left such a deep impression on sakura that she wanted that thoughtless drive to live freely and greet tomorrow as a given to be hers as well. 

little by little the broken doll with lifeless eyes restored more and more of her inner kindness and good faith, both because she gained a will that did more than just curse, and because there was someone who showed her what a real home, a real family looked like so she’d believe in love and happiness again. but much like rin, sakura struggled to believe she deserved happiness. years of abuse crushed sakura’s self-esteem, and thought her suffering made her unlovable and unnatural. her desire to be both loved and pitied clashed against one another, and were also contradictingly one and the same. it would be easy to be pitied, that means she would’ve been right about her hatefulness all along and she can just fade away along with the pain her baggage might’ve caused others. but if she’s loved, then how will she ever make herself worthy of it? how could she ever justify to herself that she’s being given love that hasn’t been earned? and even worse, what if she’s given love that can be lost?

sakura hides all the things that risk her losing all the love she’s accumulated, a desperate selfish tactic employed by a scared girl deathly afraid to lose the only light she’s ever known. if all her anger, bitterness, cowardice, jealousy, scars, and self-hatred were exposed, what would shirou think of her? once he does find out what she’s gone through, she pushes him away. she really believes she’s done for and has nothing else to come back to. even as shirou keeps asserting he does still want her in his life, she keeps hurling all the terrible things she’s done to him and herself without him knowing: that because he’s kiritsugu’s kid she spied on him for zouken, that she used him to run away from zouken and shinji, that she tried to kill herself, that she’s not a virgin, all to get him to reject her for good while guiltily clinging to the hope that he will still choose to love her in spite, or because of all that.

even after sakura’s killed shinji by accident and transforms into dark sakura, a part of herself is weak towards shirou. a part of herself lashes out when he’s around because she’s still rejecting him hoping he’ll forsake her so he’ll live without getting hurt by her while also begging for him to see how much she’s suffering so he’ll save her, going so far at the end that she tells rin to run away with shirou, having decided to kill herself alongside the grail. rin however, sees through sakura’s attempt to earn pity, but in her own fit of duty-induced forced apathy threatens to kill sakura herself before sakura has the chance to wipe herself out (jesus, rin) rather than comfort her and tell her she wishes for her to live. rin though fails to follow through with her plan. just as she overpowers sakura, she throws away all her lies and embraces her sister, telling her how she really feels, and the very first sincere expression of love her sister has shown her in a decade is enough for sakura to stop dead in her tracks and crumble in grief until shirou arrives to save her and insist that she deserves to live so that all the suffering she both caused and experienced and all the people she devoured can be given meaning. this parallels into how kama as beast iii/L wishes to render all love obsolete by drowning the universe in love to the point where all love becomes meaningless and kama no longer has to be hurt by love, with their defeat marking a change in their beliefs about the world and themself.

parvati tells you as much that she’s taken over sakura’s good side. she’s the earnest hardworking woman who is full of benevolence and enthusiasm after her purpose has become clear. however, what parvati doesn’t understand is that sakura’s good qualities are intermixed with her darker ones and fundamentally cannot ever be truly separated, and that’s why parvati also connects with sakura’s tendency to hide the ugly things about herself out of fear she’ll be rejected, and that it’s wrong and harmful for her to do that to sakura as much (if not worse) as it is for sakura to do it for herself alongside all the people that could be affected by that dishonesty. 

apart from the obvious gross reasons, there is in fact a good justification for kama’s ascensions in fgo. their ascensions go from child to adolescent to adult to demonstrate that kama has a parallel to sakura’s personal growth. they are both individuals who, after being betrayed by their own kind (the gods and the tohsakas) and having their bodies destroyed (kama becoming the cosmos, sakura being devoured by crest worms and having her dna rewritten), have lost faith in who they were before and the world around them. kama starts out in sakura’s child body: the young girl who was sacrificed for a greater purpose and whose heart has been filled with depression, cynicism, and hatred for the world around her. their childish disposition however, marks that kama has truly been reborn and is going through the process of recreating their identity after it was shattered by trauma. 

when kama is in sakura’s adolescent form, that signals that much like sakura around that age, they still cling to some anger and bitterness, but have begun to ease into forming new connections and their desire to be identified with love becomes complicated as it is both heavily resisted yet profoundly wanted. it is kama at their peak self-loathing, directing hatred to themself as much as their child form did to everyone else.

when kama shifts into sakura’s final adult form, it marks the period where they both have had some of their faith renewed in their existence. while it is still very difficult for them to truly know what love is and whether or not they’ve earned it, they nonetheless make it clear they want to believe in it again with the help of the person they’ve placed their trust upon (shirou for sakura, guda for kama). as the god of love, for kama to learn what love is is for kama to once more understand what it is to love themself again, and like sakura at the end of heaven’s feel finish constructing their brand new identity and move forward in a way that their happiness and reforged self-confidence can dignify their suffering and make up for all the damage they caused others and themselves.

this isn’t to say that pseudos as a concept are inherently good or anything. they are still very flawed because when mishandled for fanservice (and it happens a LOT) they do far more to displease both fans of the mythological figures and fans of the original fate/stay night characters simultaneously than to appease them both by robbing all characters involved of their complexities. regardless, that doesn’t mean that these gods wearing the faces of these girls is entirely pointless, lazy, and thoughtless. on the contrary, these girls were chosen because of all the different facets they have that match their possessors’ demeanors and themes, and i hope that this knowledge can help people see the connection with more clarity.

#anyway ooku event spoilers and vn spoilers for those who wanna go in blind #you don't have to reblog this if you don't feel like it i mostly typed this all out for myself #because i got tired of seeing either bad or somewhat disinformed pseudo servant takes #and needed to say something to keep my sanity

[reidyoulikeabook]

Right Where You Left Me

Ship: BAU! Gender Neutral! reader x Spencer Reid

#Request - Could you do some angst with “you dont deserve my forgiveness?” Any ship!

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: Mention of death, violence, injury (not serious), angst, mourning, a lot of tears. Also, swearing, anger, fighting (verbal, not physical.)

Summary: You and Spencer Reid had been together for a year before he ‘died.’ You grieved him. You mourned him.

A/N: Title stolen from my (current) favourite Taylor Swift song. Not sure how I feel about this one but! Here it is anyway! My requests are open & pls feel free to let me know what you think!!

14 days and 30 minutes exactly

You don’t think about the day Spencer Reid died. You can’t, because even remembering he’s dead feels as if an ice bucket has been tipped over your head. Not even now, two weeks later, have you really gotten over the initial shock that you felt. Every waking moment felt like you were trying to solve some kind of never-ending puzzle. Each emotion was overwhelming, too much to process. It felt like things would only start to get better, like everybody promised they would, when you started to be able to name the emotions rather than describe them as the physical sensations they brought on.

And you didn’t think that’d happen anytime soon.

The shared apartment was too much. You hadn’t slept in your bed since he’d been gone, and forbid anyone else from going into the bedroom. It was a sanctuary.

You understood now more than ever why victims families never changed a thing about the room of their loved ones. Every single thing felt deliberate. Theirs. It was a reflection of the time they were most alive, living. A unique snapshot of them in motion. The mess they left that they expected to come home to.

Rationally, you knew that wasn’t true. There wasn’t a sock hanging off Spencer’s bedside table, or a clean cardigan balled up on the floor, for any reason other than he’d been in a rush that morning, and had left an uncharacteristically large mess in his wake. In more ways than one.

***

2 months, 5 days, 8 hours

Being back at work helps somewhat, but the office feels empty without him there to ramble off factoids about anything and everything, to hear Morgan calling him ‘kid’ every five minutes. He only called you that now.

Simmons is nice, really he is. It isn’t his fault he’s there in place of Spencer and you try hard not to feel personally aggrieved by his presence. He doesn’t do anything to antagonise you, he stays out of your way more than anything. You don’t do anything to purposely make him uncomfortable: you do try to be agreeable and make small talk. But it’s hard not to look at him without thinking how, if everything was how it should be, Spencer would be stood in his place.

***

3 months, 26 days, 3 hours.

There is no ‘new normal.’ You’ve heard the term tossed around a few times in relation to grief, but if there is a new normal you’re still struggling to find it. When you’re not on cases, there’s no ‘normal’. You still don't sleep in your own bed. Sometimes you stay on Rossi’s, or Morgan’s, or Garcia’s couch. Sometimes, read: maybe once, it’s in the spare room at the place you and Spencer used to share. Sometimes, when you get worried about being a burden, it’s a hotel. It’s easier to feel as if you’re choosing to stay away from home, rather than acknowledging that home, as you understand it, no longer exists.

You still wake up and instinctually search for Spencer most mornings. Sure, work is keeping you occupied and you smile a little more these days. You even allowed yourself to be dragged out for drinks last weekend. But nothing feels like it should. You don’t know if that’s normal for grief or if you just aren’t moving forward at all, doomed to tread yourself deeper into the melancholic quicksand that’s got a hold on you.

You talk at length about it with Garcia over wine one night.

“Nothing feels right,” you admit, “Everything just feels...”

Garcia waits, just tipping her chin slightly to encourage you to continue. She’s got the counsellor act down and you’d have the decency to feel embarassed if you weren’t just so damn exhausted all the time.

“I feel trapped, I guess. Like I’m frozen. I keep thinking maybe it’ll get better once the trials over. Once the whole legal aspect of it is over and put to bed, then maybe I’ll have some closure on the whole situation,” you mumble, “I just don’t know how to move forward. I don’t feel like I’ve moved forward. And I know it’s only been three months but I’ve only stayed at our apartment twice and I can’t bring myself to move any of his things and...”

She just waits. In that moment, you’re so grateful for her.

“I’m stuck here. I can’t change anything. I can’t bring myself to move any of his things. I’m paying rent on a place I don’t live in but I can’t move because how can I live somewhere he’s never been? I feel like I’m stuck. I can’t move out of the world he lived in but the world is moving on even without him. And I’m just...I’m just here, Garcia.”

She nods sympathetically, placing her hand on your arm, “Maybe it’ll help when the case is wrapped up. When you have that closure.”

“Yeah,” you agree, “Yeah. I hope so.”

“There’s something you’re not saying,” she says, gently, “And you don’t have to say it. But if you’re holding back because you feel guilty then you don’t have to feel guilty about anything you say to me, my darling.”

You start to well up then. The pressure in your chest is heavy, something akin to guilt. It slices into your chest, cut glass sitting between your ribs and slicing you open every time you breathe in. You’ve been thinking it a lot lately. Too much. It’s making you feel awful and you can’t decide if putting it out into the world verbally is going to be a release or make it feel too real.

Garcia waits patiently.

You decide to believe it’ll be the former, then whisper, “I wish I loved him less. I wish I’d loved him less so this wouldn’t hurt as much.”

And then the sobs come. The sobs that wrack your chest and sting your eyes and leave you looking like you’ve been on the receiving end of an upper cut. Because how could you? How could you possibly want to take back any of the love you had so willingly, freely, given to the person you loved most? What kind of person did it make you to want to take back the good memories: to wish that instead of having waffles on the couch that last Sunday, you’d had a fight about the library fine he’d gotten because of you? How could you want to switch the puzzle pieces to create a less idyllic picture of your life together, just so you wouldn’t feel so much loss when you looked at it?

She just rubs your back through it, knowing that no words can help but still saying the thing she thinks you need to hear most, “That doesn’t make you a bad person, sugar plum. That makes you human.”

***

4 months, 6 days, 14 hours.

Hotch calls you all into the briefing room.

“A few months ago a decision had to be made. Somebody had the potential to make an incredible breakthrough on a case that had been airtight for years. But it wasn’t possible for that individual to complete that work without cover. They needed to be officially gone,” Hotch’s voice booms but you swear you can hear a hesitation, “It wasn’t necessary at the time for you to have that information. Providing you with it would have compromised the safety of one of our agents, and the integrity of their investigation.”

You glance around the room, confused, noticing everyone is sharing the same bewildered look. Except Emily.

“I apologise completely for having to keep this from you, it was a decision that was not taken lately, and I did not have the final say. That being said, any discontent about this decision should be directed towards me,” he glances towards Emily, and she’s looking nervous now.

Hotch lets out a huff, somehow more tense than usual, “SSA Reid was not killed after the attack in Seattle. That was his cover, but he was investigating a case.”

He’s still talking but you can’t hear anything. SSA Reid was not killed. SSA Reid was not killed. You flip the sentence over a hundred times. And for the millionth time since SSA Reid was killed, you have no idea what you feel.

There’s uproar from everybody. Shouting. And then Hotch says something and everybody is looking at you, scanning you for a reaction and you have nothing. Nothing at all.

“Hi,” a voice from the doorway, nervous and shy, a voice you’ve only heard in dreams and voicemails and recordings from nights out that you must have watched hundreds of times by now, if they were tapes you would have worn them out long ago.

And you know you can’t face him. You can’t face any of them.

You look around the room, first at Hotch whose eyes flicker with what looks like remorse. Then, at Emily who just looks guilty as all hell. You don’t look at him. You can’t look at him.

The tension in the room is palpable but in your peripheral you see Garcia and J.J flock to the doorway, embracing him.

Rossi, is the one who comes to you, “____?”

You stare at him, completely blankly, “Yeah?”

“You need to speak to him. Need to hear him out.”

“Yeah,” you murmur, allowing him to help you to your feet. His reassuring hands on your shoulders turn you around and you meet his face. The face of the boyfriend you spent the last four months mourning while everybody watched you fall apart. And half of them knew.

So that’s what you feel. Anger.

“Glad you’re back,” you snipe, pushing past him, “Glad you’re alive.”

Everybody watches you go. A tense silence fills the room. Spencer clears his throat, after what feels like an eternity, muttering, “I-I’ll go after ... I’ll go and see if I can...”

It wasn’t the reaction he was hoping for, if he’s honest. Although he wasn’t sure what exactly he’d been expecting.

“____ please, just let me talk to you, I’m sorry, please just let me have a chance to explain,” He manages to catch you at the elevator just in time, slipping through the gap with his lithe body, “Please. I need to explain. I need to apologise.”

“You can apologise as much as you want. You don’t deserve my forgiveness. You’ll never deserve my forgiveness.”

The venom in your tone leaves him floundering.

“___ please,” he’s begging, and you won’t look at him because you can hear the tears in his voice and he’s begging again, “Please, please look at me, please listen to me. You have to understand, you have to give me a chance to explain, please.”

You’ve never been this angry at him before. But you are now. It consumes you, you’ve never understood a crime of passion before and you’re not going to put your hands on him, of course, but fuck do you understand it now. How a person could just snap. The rage swells in you, screaming. Every muscle in your body is tense. It takes all you have to ball your hands into fists, digging your nails into your palm so hard you’re sure they break the skin. You’re furious. Furious at every single one of them.

“You lied to me,” you spit, “You lied to me and let me think you were dead. You and Hotch and Emily. I didn’t sleep in our bed for four months, Spencer. I’ve spent the past four months frozen, like, I couldn’t move forward without you. I didn’t start to move on. I've spent the last four months falling apart and trying to find a way to put myself back together without you, and then what, you just come back? You think we can just go back to normal? Spencer, I didn’t feel alive this past few months. I’ve been floating through, barely keeping it together. And for what? A case? That was important enough for you to do this to me?"

It’s true, you’ve spent the last four months feeling like you were the one who died. That you were united in being ghosts, except you were haunting all the places you used to go together, and he was just haunting your dreams. And he’d been alive. This. Whole. Time.

You storm out of the lift, lifting your head to look at him for only the second time in four months, “Please. Just leave me alone. You’ve done enough.”

He knows you aren’t wrong. Knows he doesn’t know if he could forgive you if the roles were reversed. Knows, more than anything, that he’s really fucked things up. You’ll never forgive him. That’s what you said, and right now, seeing anger like never before in your eyes, he has no reason whatsoever to doubt that isn’t completely true.

You don’t even make it to the parking lot before you feel your resolve melt into absolutely nothing. Anger descending into relief, hot tears cascading down your cheeks as the mantra starts again on a new loop in your head: SSA Reid was not killed.

#spencer reid fanfic #imagine spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #reid x reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid #imagine criminal minds #criminal minds x you #bau!reader

[blxetsi]

I was curious if you’d be up for headcanon of adopting Gabi Braun, or what it’s like being her older sibling?

If not maybe just Pieck relationship headcanons

Please and thank you

im so sorry im getting to this so late 😭🤚 ty for requesting ‼️

‼️CONTENT WARNING: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4 AND CHAPTER 139‼️

adopting gabi braun headcanons (canonverse)

characters: gf!sasha braus x gn!reader, platonic!gabi braun x gn!reader, fatherly!levi ackerman x gn!reader, platonic!falco grice x gn!reader

warnings: death, angst, hatred for kids (fuck them kids‼️), peepaw levi 😁👍

- uhhhhhh,, your relationship w gabi had a very rocky start. Lol !

- it all started when your friend eren jaeger decided to run away to infiltrate marley causing the survey corps to go get him just as a war was declared between your countries, and then two kids snuck onto the airship you were using to escape and shot your girlfriend. and she died. Lol !

- you had a lot of hatred for gabi in the beginning, and it was understandable

- you blamed her for shooting sasha, but you also blamed yourself for not being able to save her.

- you were a trained medic, you were supposed to save people, and yet you couldnt even save the woman you loved. it was like a slap in the face, like god was playing some cruel joke on you

- you remember sitting against the wall with sasha's blood staining your hands. you could barely process what happened at the time, and then levi came

- he sat next to you, taking a handkerchief out of nowhere seemingly, and just wordlessly wiped your hands down.

- your relationship with the older man was never defined, even today, but you both cared for each other

- the next time you saw gabi, was in that restaurant, niccolo had attacked gabi and falco, injuring them both, and said she killed sasha

- your blood went cold, you felt so many things, the grief you had pushed down in favour of your job, anger, fear, among other things

- niccolo had said there needed to be justice, he said that gabi should die for what she did, he tried to get sasha's father to kill her, and all you did was stand there.

- your body went on autopilot, barely listening to mr. braus' speech, you watched as kaya pointed a knife at gabi, and you listened to her wails of agony as you blindly led mikasa, armin, and gabi to a different room

- you were scared of yourself, for what you were thinking. did you really want a kid to die ? she did kill your girlfriend, the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, the woman that shared her food with you, the woman that held you when you got scared at night, the woman that promised you that after the war you two would live on a farm together, and have a family of your own.

- but she was still a child. she didnt know any better. you were conflicted in your feelings, especially after hearing what niccolo had said, but it all just emphasized what was already known to you. she was a child

- your blood was pounding in your ears, and you could faintly hear gabi asking your comrades if they wanted to kill her. when armin reassured her they didnt, she looked to you and asked "what about them ?"

- you didnt answer her, and continued to lead them down where eren would be meeting you all. you were supposed to drop them off, but eren made you stay, and then a fight broke out

- you dont remember when you did it, but you held gabi in your arms, shielding her from the fight. you think you needed to be held more than she did

- things got more complicated after that, and slowly the hatred you had for sasha's killer went away, until all you had left was a hole in your chest from guilt and sadness.

- at fort salta, you thought you were going to die there, next to your friends. you thought you'd become a mindless titan, like connie's family

- but you didnt, well you did, but only for a short time, and when you turned back, you reunited with your friends

- looking around for gabi, you saw her tackle falco into a hug, which made you smile

- "y/n !" jean called, you remember looking behind you in confusion, he sounded distressed, but you understood why when you saw sasha saluting the three of you

- you felt your legs move on your own, and you ran closer to her, before stopping about a meter away. she was dead, you knew she was dead, but she was there, wearing that goofy smile on her face and looking at you as if you'd hung the stars in the sky

- she looked at you. "you did good." hearing her voice felt like a dream. your mouth felt dry, and your jaw opened and closed like a fish before you felt tears sting your eyes. "i love you."

- she nodded, before looking at the sky. "i know." she replied. sasha looked back at you before giving you a soft smile. "you know what to do now." before she disappeared in the debris

- you knew what to do, so you did it

- you found levi sitting against a rock, and when you leaned down next to him he muttered something. "i saw erwin again. and hange. all of them." you nodded. "i saw sasha." he looked at you, and gave you the closest thing to a smile. "i guess we're both at peace now."

*****

- three years later, you've become a school teacher in paradis, teaching young children how to read, to write, and basic math. you teach them about art and music, and nature. its nice being surrounded by children all day, kids are lovely.

- you live with gabi, falco and levi, in a small house inside wall sina. levi's legs have gotten weaker with time, causing him to use a wheelchair and crutches. he's given up on his dream of a tea shop, but is content with the life he has now.

- gabi and falco have gotten more rowdy with age, but they've both matured quite a bit. they make you proud

- you send letters to sasha's family. kaya is growing up, and has taken over archery just like her sister. niccolo is living with them now.

- you'll never be able to let go of sasha, or what happened to her, but the pain in your chest has dulled immensely. you think about her sometimes, when youre in bed alone, wanting to feel the warmth of her body in your arms, you know you should move on, you get teased about not having a new girlfriend, even levi has made comments about there being "plenty of fish in the sea"

it was a late night, on a friday. you were grading spelling tests at the dining room table, one lone candle being your source of light. your pen moves swiftly across the different pieces of paper, adding check marks or x marks when needed, adding a note at the bottom of each test, before adding a smiley face on all of your students' hard work. it was tedious, but it needed to be done, and you had to remember to bring them in on monday, you couldn't forget like last time.

you heard footsteps coming down the stairs. they were soft, and slow, and at first you thought it was levi but realized it couldn't be since you couldn't hear the soft tapping of his crutches on the stairs. they came down to the bottom and stood there, it was gabi, dressed in a light pink nightgown that came down to her knees, and her disheveled hair in the braid you did for her before bed.

you pushed your reading glasses to the top of your head. "what are you doing up ? it's late."

she shrugged, and walked over to sit across from you at the table. gabi grabbed the stack of papers that you already graded and shuffled through them, giggling when she found a misspelling.

you rolled her eyes. "don't laugh, they're six."

she shook her head. "i was spelling ten times better than this when i was their age."

"uh huh."

"are you calling my bluff ?"

you chuckled. "maybe. you should be in bed though."

"why ? it's not like we have school tomorrow."

you shrugged. "i was thinking we could go on a picnic outside the walls. it gets stuffy in here."

she nodded. "that would be fun."

the silence came back for a while, until you finished grading and set your papers aside.

"you know, i hear you sometimes." she whispered.

you looked at the brunette in confusion. "how do you mean ?"

"when your in bed, sometimes you cry."

you scoffed, and leaned back in your chair. "yeah well, i try to muffle it."

"i don't think ive ever apologized to you," she started. her eyes welled up with tears and her hands shook on the table. her cheeks and nose became pink as she held herself back from crying. "i know i feel bad, and i regret killing her but, i've never actually apologized to you for-"

"don't." you said. you kept your eyes on your lap, you felt your throat growing tight. "please gabi, don't say anything."

"i need to apologize-"

"you don't. you killed her. she's dead, the war is over. it's done. just let it go." you said, your voice wavering.

"have you let it go ?"

your head shot up to her. "i lost the woman i was going to spend the rest of my life with. she promised me a safe home, a farm, and a family. and she promised we'd grow old together. and that didn't happen. i grew up with her, i've known her since i was twelve, we started dating when i was sixteen. of course i haven't let it go, gabi."

gabi looked shocked by your outburst, but nodded. she understood how you felt, and she felt so guilty. "you don't forgive me do you ? i get it, i really do. i'm sorry."

you shook your head. "gabi no, i do. i do forgive you. i just, i can't forget it." you whimpered, tears started streaming down your face and you choked back a sob. "i loved her with all of my heart, i still do, but i don't hate you-"

gabi rolled her eyes, tears coming out uncontrollably now. "you should. i killed her, i ruined your chance of a happy life ! she was your family and i-"

"gabi no !" you exclaimed, cutting her off. at this point you both looked like a mess, and you were worried you woke up the boys. you grabbed her shaking hands in your own and held them to you. "you are my family. you are. so is falco, and so is levi. i forgive you, and i love you with all of my heart." you said, a sad smile on your face. her eyes widened at your words, before she started sobbing.

you got up from the table to come to her side, and held her in your arms as she cried. her arms wrapped around your shoulders while she dug her head into your neck, tickling you with her hair.

you rubbed her back and cradled her head while shushing her. she sobbed out a muffled "i love you so much y/n." that you chuckled at.

"i love you too so much." you whispered back.

it took a long time for gabi to calm down, but when she did you still held her, rocking her and yourself back and forth slightly. you two moved from the chairs down to the floor, funny enough.

you kissed the top of her head before talking, the only noise in the room being your whispers, her sniffles and the living room clock. "you know reiner's coming home soon. are you excited ?" she nodded against your skin and sniffled again, clearing her throat too.

"i hope he brings me a gift or something." she whispered back, her voice hoarse. it made you laugh, and you had to cover your mouth to keep quiet.

"they're going to shiganshina district for a couple of days, to visit mikasa and eren, and then mikasa will come with them to the capital."

"do you miss her ?" she asked.

"so much. i miss all of them, but mikasa is a close friend of mine, she holds a special place in my heart."

"do you think you and levi will go to the meetings between the marley ambassadors and the jaegerists ?" she asked.

"maybe, if they feel as though they really need us."

you sighed through your nose, which was a bit stuffy from crying. "after we turned back into humans, i saw sasha again."

gabi lifted her head up from where it was resting on your shoulder. "what ?"

"yeah, i saw her ghost i think." you looked down on her with a smile on your face. "she told me i knew what i needed to do, and then i went and got levi and you and falco." you paused for a moment, thinking about how you would word what you were thinking. "i did what i needed to do, i got my family together." gabi's eyes widened. "sasha promised me a family, and although this wasn't the family i had envisioned, it's still a family nonetheless. i believe her last gift to me was you, falco, and levi. and i am so grateful to have you all in my life."

gabi smiled before hugging you. she opened her mouth to say something-

"oi !" a deep voice came from the top of the stairs. "you two woke me up with all of your crying. go to bed." before your heard the creaking of the floorboards and the closing of a door.

you chuckled before standing up, pulling gabi with you. you walked her to her room, and even tucked her in, you both exchanged 'i love yous' and 'goodnights' before you retreated from her bedroom, closing the door behind you.

across the hall, levi stood leaned on his doorway with his arms crossed together. "that family speech, that was cute." he commented. you rolled your eyes at the older man. "were you listening in on a private conversation ?" you teased.

the ex-captain scoffed and looked away. "go to bed y/n. we have a picnic to go on tomorrow." before closing his door.

you chuckled to yourself, remembering how you brought up the idea to him that morning, and he only replied with a curt "we'll see" before sipping on his morning tea.

you went back to your own room, and got into your bed. you turned on your side, and looked at the space you always left open for sasha, and brushed your hand against the pillow.

"goodnight love."

uhhhhh doesnt feel like my best work but whatevs 😁👍 enjoy my comeback to tumblr 🤩🙏

requests open mfs ‼️

#attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #attack on titan x reader #erwin smith #hange zoe #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi x gn!reader #sasha braus #sasha blouse #sasha braus x reader #sasha blouse x reader #niccolo aot #falco grice #gabi braun #gabi x falco #chapter 139

[bbq-hawks-wings]

Chapter 316: BBQ is capable of critiquing BNHA and… Oh boy.

Let's start this off properly, Horikoshi's typical quality of writing has been diminishing in recent chapters, but this week it was so different that it didn't even feel like Horikoshi was the one who wrote it.

To be clear, I'm not blaming Horikoshi for the issues I'm about to bring up. The man is criminally overworked, usually doesn't even get the final say in what makes it in the final drafts, and even in his other rough patches he's still produced decent chapters that hold up amongst the grand scheme of things. This feels like something else is going on behind the scenes, and while I have my suspicions on who/what might be the culprit behind it, I choose not to share it at this time because if I name names some people might go off on a crusade, and that's not what I want.

I just want to be clear that I'm not blindly firing off shots in the dark, but despite my frustrations I want to wait to see if this gets resolved down the line, and while I do I can complain about the specific reasons this chapter left such a bitter taste in my mouth.

Buckle up, buttercups, because we got a lot of points to cover.

Where's the Gun?

Not a literal gun, but I mean Chekhov's Gun. It has always been a staple of Horikoshi's writing and the reason so many of his long-standing plot lines have paid off so well.

Chekhov's Gun is a writing principal that if you see a gun on the table in the first act of a play, it will be used in the murder that happens in act 2. Basically, the author should include details that are relevant to the story and not betray the audience by leading them in one direction and at the last minute pull the rug out from underneath them to go in another direction.

Horikoshi has done this to phenomenal success in the past. Just as one example, he dropped hints about Nomu being human experiments early in the series but held off explicitly stating it for a while. He hinted at the loss of Shirakumo in the main narrative and that he was important to Aizawa and Mic as well as approved it for Vigilantes so when it was revealed that Kurogiri was Shirakumo's body, not only did it narratively make sense but it also pulled in Eraserhead and Present Mic's emotional stakes into the battle with the Doctor, and then when Ujiko reveals he was after Aizawa's quirk the whole time it made the payoff for Mic punching him in the face all that much better and brings the weight of his crimes and the impact they have on the victims full circle.

That's 3 different guns paying off in the long run: the Nomu, Shirakumo, and both Mic and Eraserheads' personal arcs past the loss of their childhood friend and that they could finally finish processing their grief and avenge him in full righteous fury instead of chalking it all up to cruel chance.

He has left details, some particularly innocuously, in plot lines like the Touya Todoroki reveal, Hawks' backstory, Shigaraki's blood connection to Nana Shimura, even with Mr. Compress's backstory, and more. When re-read, these details become more obvious and usually leaves us with a greater sense of satisfaction in the plot knowing that twists and turns were not only planned, but built up to and hinted at for us to find so the payoff is that much better and it feels purposeful instead of just shock factor.

None of that happened this chapter.

Lady Nagant has zero business being in this plotline. She was never hinted about before this arc, and her existence does nothing to tell us about the plot moving forward or the world that they're trying to change. Nothing her existence provides actually has any bearing on the universe or tells us anything we don't already know. But that's not how she was presented.

In the beginning we're given a glimpse of her helping Overhaul escape from Tartarus. The focus on her was odd enough to begin with as a new character, and the fact that she didn't look like she fit the profile of someone who belonged in Tartarus was like a flashing neon sign saying, "Pay attention! This new character is important!!!" She then shows up later with Overhaul in hand to attack Deku out of the blue. We get her talking about how she thought Overhaul might be useful and her disillusions with Hero Society. We catch her mannerisms with eery similarity to Hawks only to find out immediately after she was a senior colleague in the HPSC. Never once to my knowledge has Hawks referred to any of his senior colleagues as a "senpai" - not even his fellow heroes - and when he catches her in midair, he uses the words, "Don't die on me, senpai!" as if she's near and dear to his heart.

The entire character arc is set up for her to have known about Hawks and grapple with her desire to help people and her fear of re-creating what she hated, and this also set up Hawks to be the successor who succeeded where she failed and helped bring her to a place where she could be a hero without guilt again. What actually happened?

They're strangers.

They have never actually met before, and while he seems to know a lot about her, she doesn't even seem to have any idea of who he was - at least as far as being another hero under the thumb of the HPSC. So ALLLL that setup, all that gesturing, and all of the potential themes that would be right at home in an arc like this goes completely out the window.

Her story doesn't tell us anything new. The HPSC bad. We knew that. They're not above throwing innocents under the bus to achieve that goal. We knew that. They preyed upon young hopefuls with powerful quirks with the intent to maintain the status quo. We knew that even if the fact that Hawks isn't the only one now makes more questions than answers. We know that these young heroes can never say no under threat of steep, life-shattering consequences. We knew that already.

So what does Lady Nagant even bring to the table?! The entire "you're just a puppet doing what you've been told" angle is a little tired and out of place in this point and time with actual anarchy in the streets (not to mention hypocritical considering she was a blind puppet following orders and offers zero actual solutions that supposedly fall in line with her heroic nature), and it could have been left to any number of other villain characters who could have executed on the theme better - you know, like Shigaraki who's justification this entire time has been, "hero society doesn't make people safe, it just makes them feel safe" from the moment of his inception.

So from that angle she's unnecessary.

Her presence messes with the continuity of the series as well. If Hawks is supposed to explicitly replace her, that would mean that he wasn't just a fluke find on the commission's part and grabbed to mold into their own special superweapon; and that also would mean that her killing of the former president was before he was discovered which should put her at least in her forties. If this isn't the case, and he was meant to simply replace her in a "special agent" case, that still begs the question of how many more gifted children the commission preyed upon and are still out there.

And maybe the worst kicker for me is that something stinks. The way the art in this chapter is presented, if you completely blanked out the speech bubbles, is the same setup I had before - Hawks reaches out to his former mentor and pulls her from the brink of despair with a moving message about why he never gave up hope in being a hero who could actually make a difference.

Again, this is not what we got. He claims he knows her, and it's implied to have been a deep, personal character witness; but at best he only knows about her from secondhand sources. Even his reasoning as to how he never lost hope doesn't vibe with his character.

We have gotten so many cool one-liners for Hawks, but there has always been a consistent tone and imagery with them.

"Those who can fly, should."

"I don't belong in a cage."

"I'm free of my shackles."

"Can I be a shining light, just like him?"

What we got was, "I'm an optimist to a fault" which was the wording the official release went with and was by far the best iteration I have seen, but even this falls short of being truly in character for him and answering her question properly.

@mikeana made an edit of the titular panels for us Hawks stans this week with dialogue we and a few other friends felt was more fitting not only with the imagery of the chapter itself but internally consistent with the specific expressions Hawks uses in his heartfelt, personal dialogue. I just tweaked it a little bit more to fit what I was going for in our original conversation.

Which brings me to another concern.

2. What's the point?

There was no use for Nagant in the series as she's been presented so far. But more than that, Hawks has no business in this fight to begin with. He literally did nothing to earn this emotional moment, and this should have been Deku's moment.

We were teased in an interview with Horikoshi that Hawks was going to get a special moment as an important end-game character as a "shining light" of hope for others to follow as well as promises for Ochako to have another moment in the spotlight to make a difference.

If this was Hawks' shining light moment, it wasn't necessary, and it does nothing to move the plot forward or develop characters in any true or believable way. It just happened because plot. This should have been Deku's victory through and through, and even he is the reason BOTH Hawks and Nagant made it out alive instead of painting the street below them.

Deku's victory was stolen from him, too. It sours the other promises made to us about other characters moving forward, as well, if this really was Hawks' "Shining Light" moment.

By the way, did you forget about Overhaul? Me too!!! What was the point of getting our hopes up about reintroducing this beloved character with the implications this was a major arc setup to have him scream about pops and then get detained with no clues about what's going to happen to him besides, "Say you're sorry to Eri, and you get to see pops"?!

All this posturing and clumsy narrative flailing only actually succeeded in getting Deku in front of AFO again for plot when we already know Mr. Potato Head could summon, show himself to, or find Deku at any time he wanted. But instead we get this time skip with a bunch of heroes completely mended walking into a big, spooky mansion for AFO to evil monologue at Deku for… *counts*

FOUR PAGES!!!

Only to then give him the "I want YOU!" point over a pre-recorded message and the final nail in the coffin to me that something is off.

3. Ex-pu-LOOOO-SHUN!

It's become almost a game among friends to count how many explosions have happened since the end of the war arc - and specifically fake-out explosions. In the end of 311 we get All Might's car attacked via explosion and Deku cornered by Nagant only for All Might to be fine in the next chapter. In 315 Lady Nagant herself explodes in a blaze of glory to once again not be dead.

Gee! I wOnDeR if aLl the heroes were AcTuAlLy cornered and KiLlEd in that explosion in the mansion!

None of us do. They're fine. We're going to see it first thing next week. The shock has worn off, and it's repetitive and annoying at this point. There is no cliffhanger despite how the framing might try to tell you otherwise.

It's BAD WRITING.

The writing has been moving far too quickly and clumsily with no explanation in sight, and even character interactions are being cut short to the point of them being meaningless and empty.

This doesn't even feel like Horikoshi's bad writing. It feels like someone else is trying to call the shots and rushing him through these final bits of the series, and he's run out of things he's previously set up for months and months to reappear so someone is trying to get Dabi-reveal levels of attention with arcs and storylines that don't have the build-up to result in a satisfactory payoff.

4. At least it can get better... I hope.

Maybe those who share my suspicions or know what particular suspicions I have are with me in believing that this is a temporary disappointment and we haven't seen the last of the writing that's captivated me for years. I don't blame Horikoshi for these glaring faults that all came to a head in this chapter.

It CAN get better later, and I think it WILL- we just probably are going to have to wait for it. Until then, I'm going to enjoy the Hawks panels we got, maybe edit the last few chapters to be more in line with something more like the BNHA I know in a "fix it fic" fashion so I don't groan in anticipation of how long it might take us to get there.

See you all next week, hopefully on a much brighter note.

#she speaks #chapter review #bnha 316 #bnha chapter 316 #bnha manga spoilers