#and how extremely fucked up that can be

[sunnnfish]

“If you just do everything you’re supposed to do you’ll eventually end up where you need to be.” Infinity train book 4 you fuck me up so bad still. “You can mess up even if you stand still…” MIN-GI PARK…..

#ITS SOOOOO GOOD… #he’s fucking. just like me for real #GOD. relationships with family and friends and like. I DONT HAVE THE WORDS FOR IT RIGHT NOW #and how like personal problems and biases can effect your relationships #and how little things about someone can build up and bottle up and it’s like you love them and hate them at the same time #and about standing still versus rushing ahead #the weight of expectations. one trying to run away one just trying to do as he’s told #and they both think they knows what’s best. for themselves for each other #rymin is so much more than a ship to me. it’s about complexities and best friendship and knowing someone your whole life #and how extremely fucked up that can be #head in my hands punches the wall explodes #infinity train #book 4 #rymin #sunnfish.txt #min gi park is like if hanzawa masato was a lot less eccentric and a lot more angry. same core though #sorry also just like. what a justified anger it is #min gi has molded himself to what his parents want him to be his whole life #he tries and wants to be with Ryan. but it’s so fucking terrifying to him #that amount of change and freedom. #sorry. sorry #okay. I’m going #WAIT. also thinking about the whole. abandonment issues. aaaaauuuuu #rewatching rn and #not even at the art gallery car episode yet but I’m thinking about it. you LEFT me.

[katabay]

ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A KNIGHT...

the visual inspiration for this was a combination of Frederic William Burton's Meeting on the Turret Stairs and also Bernardo Cavallino's The vision of St. Dominic receiving the Rosary from the Virgin

this was supposed to be just a one off illustration to get the thoughts out of my system, but then I started thinking about medieval politics and warfare and plagues and a castle and home as both a place of refuge, a prison, and a tomb, so perhaps they will end up as ex voto characters as well.

you may say, hey! that rosary looks like it has too many beads! it's a fifteen decade rosary, probably. dominicans are really into marian devotions. it works out.

also. spiral style stair cases. oh boy. it was that unexpectedly more difficult than I originally thought it would be to draw. the more I think about it, the less I understand them, even though I had a million photos of the stairs in front of me while I was drawing it.

⭐ I have a tip jar (ko-fi)!

⭐ and other places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app

#the economy and my bank account are in shambles and i ended up stress drawing this whole thing in one go #its so many lines. the next time i draw this. because i will be revisiting this composition. i want to use a different inking brush #i think. but the next time i draw this it will be with solid blacks on the stair case steps i think #hey here's a fun fact for those of you who aren't catholic. did you know that kissing the ring of the pope/a cardinal/etc #grants you an indulgence. cardinals also used to kiss the pope on the mouth. also foot and hand iirc. anyway #there are no cardinals in this drawing but im saying if you write medieval/renaissance smut about men of the cloth #you can really amp up the friction between holy and seductive with a lot of the (gestures vaguely) that. #actually another fun fact about cardinals. their fun sun hat (it's called a galero) has some fucking weird as hell fever dream (literally) #origin lore. so if seductive isn't your thing. the horror of a thing that you wear is also extremely fun #esp when you get into medieval gender performances of clothes and how they define a person etc #generic medieval tag #original tag

[vaguely-concerned]

sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go

#the locked tomb #harrowhark nonagesimus #john gaius #harrow the ninth #this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL #this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships #(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think #the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real #but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed) #there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone? #yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't) #the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god #when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care #(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution) #and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on #it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there #while john is -- well he sure is being john huh #this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end #(with john slam dunked right into hell that is) #it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up #john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too

[deoidesign]

A frustrating development with the growing lack of reading comprehension I've personally noticed is an emerging fervor of insisting things aren't canon unless they are explicitly stated beyond all reasonable doubt.

I can not emphasize enough how harmful a mindset this is to have. Yes, it's wonderful to have characters outright say "I'm trans," but to deny a character's identity for not saying that is dangerous.

Plenty of real people prefer not to use specific labels. Historically, people didn't have our modern terms or modes of expression. Many modern cultures don't use these terms, either, and plenty of people within those that do can't safely openly identify.

If the only representation you accept as canon is within modern (and let's be honest, wealthy white able-bodied American) standards, then you are denying yourself and others a huge amount of representation and seriously limiting the media around you.

#remembering how people were like hmm its not actually canon that Steve is trans and adam is nonbinary... #steve doesnt fucking know what 'trans' is hes an unhoused time traveling cowboy like!!! #after an arc. about werewolves. and how people become werewolves because theyre unhappy with their lives. #especially specifically regarding their body/gender #and how adam explicitly says 'your family never saw you as a man' #AND THEN FOLLOWS IT UP. with referring to Steve as 'the man who chose' #like for fucks sake #you are being deliberately and willfully ignorant if you say its not canon. #your ideas of transness are extremely extremely limited if it doesnt include people who dont use the word. #god. ugh. ive been annoyed by this since that episode came out #dont even get me started on how people barely noticed adam is nonbinary.mm #they said they dont wanna be called a boyfriend. come on!!! come on!!!! #how can i make it clearer without them saying shit they woildnt say and have no context for!!!! #scream. #anyways. #delete later lol im just frustrated again. #im not even sure i worded this how i wanted to

[jewreallythinkthat]

The most moderate, nuanced and productive people I have discussed the Israel-Hamas war with have been Jews, Israelis, and people with Palestinian family. Everyone directly affected by this just wants it to stop and to have peace and safety in the region in a way that minimises the casualty count.

The most extreme and performative and vile things I've been told are by people who have no connection to this and like to think they are experts because they have covered adjacent topics during learning, or read stuff online.

If all the randos in the west would just shut up for ten minutes and let those of us actually affected, with an understanding of the history of the land and the culture and the generational trauma experienced by Jews and Palestinians alike talk, we might actually have a chance to salvage this and stop it spiraling

#jumblr #antisemitism #i/p #nuance is something so easy to have and yet people choose not to #we are measured and non extreme because we dont have the privilege to be angry. #someone literally said that they wont ensge further with me because the topic makes me emotional #jews get called genocidal #palestinans get called Antisemitic #how about the rest of you shut the fuck up and let the adults talk #maybe youll learn how to problem solve and not be a bigot if you listen to those you so desperately want to hate #its pathetic #we all know hamas doesnt represent all Palestinians #we also know hamas teaches Antisemitism in schools in gaza and the west bank #these two things can and should co-exist in your head #that doesnt meam all palestinians are rabid jew hating murderers #it means the situation is complicated and not black and white and will take more than just screaming for a ceasefire to actually solve #we are not a football for your performative activism

[frizzdotbizz]

feeling emo for the murder siblings

(don’t tag as ship/proshippers dni)

#i mostly blame dog for giving the brainrot teehee #“durge despised orin’’ both are victims of bhaal’s influence and the idea of them reconciling after all the fucked up shit #they are extremely fucked up in the head but everyday i think about how if orin didn’t get driven into madness bc OUGH i can fix her!! #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #the dark urge #orin the red #bg3 durge #orin bg3 #my art

[general-cyno]

sometimes I see manga panels or anime screenshots of luffy and zoro being silly and I'm hit with the reminder that zoro not only believes his dream/ambitions mean nothing without luffy but that he's said this out loud. to an enemy, no less, as he chose to exchange his life for luffy's. that luffy himself would lose his absolute shit if something bad ever happened to zoro and the reason why luffy tends to worry less about and rely more on him is bc he knows how strong zoro is, can and will be and the lengths he'd go to protect others, especially the people he cares about, since this part of zoro's character is exactly what ultimately convinced luffy to recruit him in the first place. that even though zoro's the one with the grand gestures it likely means so much to luffy, who experienced tragedy early on and is afraid of losing those he loves to the point he vowed to become strong just to avoid so, the fact that zoro's such a steady presence and force beside him - one he can count on to keep everyone, and luffy too, safe. insane levels of devotion and trust going on between two dudes who shower once a week.

#zolu #tp #came back from a beach trip even more insane abt these two cheers #luffy's I need you and zoro's vow in opla are so perfect bc they straight up slap your face with how much #these two need and /want/ to stay with each other. literally together til fucking death #imagine what that's like for someone like luffy who's had ppl he loves leave him even if not by choice #bc external forces make them mostly #prying zoro away from luffy would take extreme circumstances like sabaody or luffy somehow deeply disappointing him #the latter of which luffy's proved he wouldn't do and the former is the reason why zoro bowed to his sworn rival #for the chance to become stronge enough to surpass even him. bc if zoro's stronger - the strongest - sabaody won't happen again #at least not if he can help it

[pivsketch]

picked up stardew valley again, i havent played it since 2018(!) so theres a lot of new stuff to experience. heres some shanes i was fiddling with while taking a break from working on something else. id like to say thanks to my friend synth for valuable input during this process

and just because i happen to have a work-in-progress screencap on hand, heres what this looked like three hours previous lol:

#yes... i know i draw shane and calhoun almost exactly the same... what can i say. the heart wants what the heart wants #stardew valley #stardew shane #pixel art #i didnt intend to make this look like im making a portrait mod (because im not) but man. it really does look like i should be huh lmao #no instead im doing something extremely more ambitious (picking up my fucking stardew overworld sprite overhaul project again) #i dont know how to post my progress on that without jinxing myself and/or getting everyone's hopes up... #but i only ever posted about it on some dead blog of mine 6-8 years ago & it still looks good. would be a shame to leave it at that

[technoacidraveasgore]

"we need more morally complex mentally ill characters" yall couldnt even handle basil

#of course you can just not like a character for their character #basil as a character is extremely complicated and the damsel in distress trope is grating for a lot of peeps #but christ im so tired of omori fans calling him weird or evil or creepy bc of shit clearly related to his mental health #basil took sunny's fat ls for him and never said anything that speaks loads to how much he loves his friends #like yeah how he did it was beyond fucked up but its weird to me peeps choose not to forgive him but will happily forgive sunny and aubrey #both of whom did stuff that was just as fucked up if not more so in sunnys case

[obihoe]

a happy and healthy madara in his natural habitat :)

(battlefield)

#madara #posts #i love him u can just see how he feels so at home there lol #he's just :) happy and content to be there #anyway PSA to all mdr owners out there: remember ur mdr needs extreme violence at all times! #to thrive #if u cannot provide home-made violence. store-bought is fine 😌 #(meaning u hire a guy to beat the shit out of him) #(no rlly hire a guy named GAI. who will beat him the fuck up. that will enrich him 👍)

[prince-liest]

TIL you guys also like fish!!!! please let me introduce you to the rest of my fishy community!

first of all, these are my fish tanks:

this is a 20 gallon tall tank that I will be upgrading to a 37 long next year when I find out where I’m going for residency. the 5lb pressurized cannister is a CO2 tank that I use to inject carbon dioxide into the water (on a timer)! CO2 is the limiting “nutrient” for plant growth underwater in a tank like mine (with bright light and fertilizers added), so it helps encourage plant growth and more vibrant colors in plants with red and orange tones, as well as carpeting plants.

this is a 6.4 gallon tank that also has CO2 injection, and currently no fish because it is cycling (and will be for about 4 weeks). it will be her highness the betta fish’s new home once it is cycled, because she keeps murdering my shrimp in the community tank. once she is moved, I will probably get a pair of honey gouramis for the community tank.

this is one of the shrimp in question! she is pregnant. (eggnant, you might say.) I love her.

these are my kuhli loaches! I have 6 black and 6 banded. they are technically different species and the banded ones are much more shy. they spend a lot of time swimming circles along the glass and draping themselves over plants upside-down to make me think they are dead. they get very offended when you poke them to make sure they’re not dead.

I have 8 neon tetras. they’re all fat and extremely hard to take non-blurry photos of.

I also have 3 hillstream loaches, which are one of my favorite fish of all time. they’re juveniles that bred from a friend’s tank, and they look like tiny little stingrays that are frequently stuck to the side of the glass. they are aufwuchs-eaters which means they scrape algae and biofilm off the surfaces of things, but they also like sifting through sand and need sufficient protein (aka. not pure algae eaters).

here’s what they look like from the bottom:

I also have snails:

this is the biggest of my three nerite snails! I like nerites because they have bright colors and they don’t reproduce in fresh water. however, if you get a female (like this one), they WILL lay tiny white little sesame seed eggs everywhere, even though they can’t hatch. I used to have “pest” snails in the form of bladder snails and freshwater limpets but, uh, I have a total of 15 loaches in the tank, so. I no longer have pest snails and my loaches are all well-fed. :”)

thank u for coming to my ted talk. I love fish. I love my fish. please come talk to me about fish. I leave u with one last photo of her highness in all her glory:

#personal #long post #petblogging #aquariums #you may notice that her highness's tail is slightly tattered in this one #that is becaues it was taken while she was still healing from her stint #of fucking around and finding out #with a crayfish #(which was my fault. the sources I read that said you can keep CPO dwarf crayfish with short-finned bettas were extremely unreliable) #(as I learned belatedly. cray was rehomed and her highness healed up just fine) #wait until u guys learn how obsessed I am with AQUARIUM PLANTS #these tanks look like that for A Reason #betta fish #neocaridina

[lottieurl]

#the other polls annoys me so much #the tags are extremely depressing #people being like oh ive only read 8 :( ive only read 19 :(( #and listing what i can only call excuses?? #insane #if you've read one singular book this year and loved it thats fucking great love it for you tell me abt it #as someone who personally does love those kinds of statistics #and loves to check on my storygraph and loves the numbers and sets up goals #this attitude in that post is just bleak imo #plus i hate how the first option is 0-9 #like girl there is a huge difference between not reading and reading roughly 3 books a month?? #especially when the books might be shit the length of dostoyevsky lol #idk i keep seeing that poll and it seems to make everyone who havent read 25 books since january feel bad #so #lets focus on how many you really enjoyed

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

Yeah, people like to think that (adult) Jason’s snarky, cutting, and unapologetic post crisis characterization and the (mostly) “watered down”, docile personality he’s had from N52/rebirth onwards are irreconcilable, and that the shift was just an editorial decision with the intent of marketing him as a “likeable” hero.

While that last part might be true, have they considered that textually it makes perfect sense that being consistently in contact with an abuser just does that to a person. Wears them down until they feel like nothing but a husk, without any discernible direction or opinions of their own. If it isn’t completely burnt out yet, they (consciously or unconsciously) suppress that part of themselves that thinks independently either for self-preservation or to keep the peace. Considering anyone, even “mentally strong” people could fall victim to mental abuse, it’s actually pretty realistic imo.

#kelseethe #like what do you mean the shift ‘makes no sense’ #have you even met Bruce #he is a hell pit of darkness that sucks the life out of everyone who cares enough about him to put up with all of his problems #okay maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration but #even the most headstrong of people would wither away if they spent years trying to love and care for someone as volatile as him #that much is true #in other words I think Gotham war should be a wake up call for Jason and he should start doing everything in his power to fuck with Bruce #And then cut him off entirely #though nothing he could come up with would hold a candle to Bruce ‘God of torture’ Wayne #Bruce’s actions actually make perfect sense #You become so obsessed and fixated with torture and you genuinely glorify it #To the point that’s all you know how to do even when you’re trying to do good #this is magnificent I love it #and will continue to so long as Jason is fucking fuming after this #anyway even at his most extreme Jason was never a terrorist-level threat lol #like you know there’s a difference between #‘I'm going to do what I want and you're going to accept it. you can keep doing whatever it is you convince yourself is right though’ #and seeing someone who disagrees with you then spending years wanting and trying to destroy their ability to disagree as a whole #right? #and yikes. with the power and resources someone like Bruce has? so dangerous.

[puppyeared]

i have to say its a strange experience taking classes on branding and marketing while being vehemently anticapitalist and scorning the economic system

#i shit you not ill be in class and theyre talking abt how to make brands memorable and use words to describe their tone and feel #and at the same time i see starbucks endorsing genocide and greedflation and AI techbros scheming us into extinction #its extremely fucking dystopian. and its even worse when u have teachers telling u to use chatGPT and midjourney for #placeholder text and images. like damn. this is really the industry im going into huh #i feel complicit doing this because i want to pursue graphic design but its chilling to see ppl get really worked up abt branding #do u not feel used?? doesnt it feel like youre giving a faceless entity a mask to gloss over the ugly parts?? cuz i do #i get excited at the design and UX aspect of things like how people think and how design and user interfaces are planned around how #we think and act. but when the endgoal becomes marketing or doing it for companies it just feels like a waste #like i think this is what bill watterson meant when he didnt want calvin and hobbes to be commercialized #i dont want to do anything else unless it comes to that like i change my career path somewhere down the line. but fuck dude #im just gonna keep using unsplash and lorem ipsum as much as i can because i sure as hell dont wanna add to the problem if i cant solve it #yapping #vent

[andthebeanstalk]

Betty is so relatable I would do the same shit for my wife

#simon petrikov #original #at #the moment where she declares that she's jumping into the future to save him. just pure save-husband impulse #and maybe she made the wrong choice but I felt the emotion in my gut and that's good tragedy baby #I would do the same thing and then be in the future and realize I probably fucked up but also what else could I do but #devote my entire life and sanity to saving her after I have destroyed every other option?? #it's not healthy necessarily but a fucking apocalypse happened and her wife is in eternal torment. what else could she possibly do?? #I'm just obsessed with the attitude she has towards saving him and how it turns from joyful heroism to unhealthy obsession #I have a much healthier relationship with my wife. but also she's never been driven mad by a magical crowd for a thousand years! #and Betty did it!! y'all can argue about whether Ice King was better than Simon and I think he must make peace with every part of himself #but it is extremely consistent in the original series that being Ice King is basically this existentially horrifying Eternal torture #so the fact that someone who loved him decided they would save him from that at all costs is very sad and very beautiful #beautiful because no one deserves to suffer forever. tragic because she was far to willing to take his place if she had to. #betty grof #fionna and cake #golbetty #golb #*driven mad by a magical crown #you forgot your floaties #edit: upon rewatching every episode with betty in it i will say i don't think i would be so hellbent on murdering the person she had become #betty does act selfishly and it makes her character more compelling #but i like to think if my wife went banana-pants ice-king-level bonkers i would be able to love that version of her too #but who's to say whether this story would be the reason I responded differently? #it's a good story

[moghedien]

i swear if you people start uwuifying OCD like you did with ADHD and autism I'm going to start attacking

#the general idea of what OCD is already so fucking wrong and harmful #if you start being like 'oh my little meow meow is so OCD' or 'its not a disorder its just a different way of thinking uwu' #I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL #ALL OF MY EARLIEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES FROM AGE 3 AND UP ARE OF HAVING PANIC ATTACKS #PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELVES THIS IS A MISERABLE FUCKING DISORDER ITS NOT CUTE ITS NOT QUIRKY ITS THE REASON I HAD GRAY HAIR AS A TEENAGER #i saw this like 'i let the intrusive thoughts win' isn't something people use all the time for like dying their fucking hair #its exhausting how many people what to be all 'mental illness needs to be more accepted' #and then in the next sentence want to deny that your mental illness is actually harmful to you and doesn't negatively affect you #and its just because society doesn't accept your different way of thinking uwu #NO I LITERALLY WOULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF AS A TEENAGER IF SOMEONE HAD CONVINCED ME THAT MY MENTAL ILLNESS WAS NORMAL AND FINE #figuring out that something was Wrong with my brain was like the best moment of my life #and this 'no you just think differently don't try to change' attitude may be helpful in SOME CASES #but that shit needs to me pulled back on A LOT online because that framing can be extremely harmful to some people (like me) #knowing exactly what is wrong with my brain is literally the only way I'm able to not let it affect me #and it not affecting me is literally the only way I can function and live happily #like you understand that some people do genuinely have things wrong with them #and telling them they don't is beyond cruel