#and it not affecting me is literally the only way I can function and live happily

[leidensygdom]

Ok, I'm gonna start a post idea I had been pondering. If you're either mentally or physically disabled and you have opinions about representation, this is the thread for you!

So, I've been seeing more people trying to tackle the topic of autism in their stories, but I've felt some of it tries to woobify a bit what is to live with autism, or just focus on the more socially acceptable quirks of it. And as someone with autism/ADHD (was suspected of it for most of my life, got it finally diagnosed by my therapist (who specializes in autism and ADHD) last year), sometimes I'd like for people to acknowledge the more unsavoury parts of it, the weird quirks, etc.

So, this post is going to be about that- If you wanna help people understand how your disability/neurodivergency affects your life, feel free to add to it! Just mention what do you have (no need for a full list, just what you consider relevant to the post) and some experiences, quirks, anecdotes or such that you think that are not often seen in stories or media, and that you consider an important part of it. They don't need to be huge things! I encourage people to share just whatever they feel comfortable. My list is gonna be a mix of stuff, but yours can be very different. Let me start!

Clothes and how they feel was surprisingly one of the most disruptive parts of my autism. As a kid, if I was forced to wear something that caused me some bad texture/sensitivity issues, it would significantly affect my behaviour and performance. It took me many years to be allowed to use mostly sportswear. (And it turns out being a "girl" (not anymore) wearing only sportswear tends to cause a whole lot of bullying)

This happens even nowadays. I've found out that non-heeled boots are more comfortable to me than sport shoes, because feeling something against the back of my foot makes me feel overwhelmed. I tend to wear yoga pants under actual pants, because they keep the actual pants' seams from causing sensory issues. There's almost a sort of ritual on how do I need to combine clothes to be able to function "normally", mostly consisting on reducing how much they annoy me.

On that topic, hygiene is actually a huge thing too. As a kid, I wasn't allowed to shower daily. Days I didn't shower, no matter how much I tried to keep my hygiene in other days, were "bad days" to me. I would literally plan hanging out with friends or eating out around the days I was allowed to shower. I could physically feel the difference between the day I showered and the day I didn't (even if I washed my face, armpits, used the bidet, etc).

This is true even nowadays. I can thankfully now shower daily, which isn't recommended by a lot of experts (specially because it can damage your hair and skin), but it's more worth to me than having days where I feel like I shouldn't be seen in public.

Being overwhelmed sucks! Meltdowns are mostly associated with kids, mostly because adults either learn to mask them, or do everything they can to AVOID having that meltdown. I've mostly figured out routines and such. There's this one place we go eat out every other Tuesday- And in the hours we go in, there's a sort of silent corner that is always free. This week's schedule was a mess, so we went yesterday to that same place, and the silent corner was filled with a very loud group. I got extremely overwhelmed. But enough masking drilled to me means I just sat there unable to talk for maybe 30 minutes.

Autistic adults still do have autism and experience often the full spread of traits, they've just found ways to mask, or avoid being in situations where they do need to do that. I've adapted my life and routine to that. But sometimes I land on situations out of my comfort zone that will make me feel just like when I was a kid. I want to freelance online because I'm fully aware I can't perform properly in a public facing job.

Group projects sucked so much. I know they suck for most people, but most times it was easier for me to do the entirety of the project by myself and add the others' names to it than dealing with chasing people for their parts. My college had a 6-months-long massive group project in the last year, with a 7 people group, which obviously I couldn't do alone. The whole experience was so harmful in so many ways I've had several full therapy sessions talking about it :'')

One of the reasons it's because mental flexibility is HARD with autism. If i set a schedule, I expect that schedule to be followed. If people agree to do a part, I expect that part to be delivered (unless there's a proper reason) on due time. People hate this a lot usually! It will tear group projects apart!

Stimming can be harmless, or it can be very annoying to some. I tend to shake legs and play with something in my hands. I could easy this off drawing in classes- My high school found out that I was paying more attention when I was allowed to draw in classes, and my academic performance was pretty much perfect, so they gave me permission to do that.

However, I had a teacher in middle school that did forbid me from drawing. I stimmed during a class with pens- She got so mad she sent me home with a note to my parents they had to sign. Fun!

Not exactly an anecdote, but I am ace. I hate the discourse about "making an autistic person be aro or ace is infantilizing autism". Aro/ace people can have autism. That's just how it is. I've been infantilized a lot for being ace- Which only got worse because I am autistic, and people perceived some of my special interests as child-ish. The combo didn't make things easy.

On that topic, people will often be very patronizing of your opinions or takes for being autistic. I've had people debate my sexuality (or lack of thereof), my gender identity and presentation, my hobbies, my preferences for everything, down to "what do you want to eat tonight?". This isn't too different to shitty takes about how "autistic people are more prone to being affected by the trans activistsTM", because people assume autistic people can't choose on their own. Trust me: We can.

Anyhow, I'd love if this post could be a good compilation of these sort of anecdotes! I think it could help people who wanna learn more about what is it to live with specific disabilities (and how to better portray them in media)

#nd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #disability #disabled #autism #adhd #neurodivergencies #long post

[moghedien]

i swear if you people start uwuifying OCD like you did with ADHD and autism I'm going to start attacking

#the general idea of what OCD is already so fucking wrong and harmful #if you start being like 'oh my little meow meow is so OCD' or 'its not a disorder its just a different way of thinking uwu' #I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL #ALL OF MY EARLIEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES FROM AGE 3 AND UP ARE OF HAVING PANIC ATTACKS #PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELVES THIS IS A MISERABLE FUCKING DISORDER ITS NOT CUTE ITS NOT QUIRKY ITS THE REASON I HAD GRAY HAIR AS A TEENAGER #i saw this like 'i let the intrusive thoughts win' isn't something people use all the time for like dying their fucking hair #its exhausting how many people what to be all 'mental illness needs to be more accepted' #and then in the next sentence want to deny that your mental illness is actually harmful to you and doesn't negatively affect you #and its just because society doesn't accept your different way of thinking uwu #NO I LITERALLY WOULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF AS A TEENAGER IF SOMEONE HAD CONVINCED ME THAT MY MENTAL ILLNESS WAS NORMAL AND FINE #figuring out that something was Wrong with my brain was like the best moment of my life #and this 'no you just think differently don't try to change' attitude may be helpful in SOME CASES #but that shit needs to me pulled back on A LOT online because that framing can be extremely harmful to some people (like me) #knowing exactly what is wrong with my brain is literally the only way I'm able to not let it affect me #and it not affecting me is literally the only way I can function and live happily #like you understand that some people do genuinely have things wrong with them #and telling them they don't is beyond cruel

[retroellie]

Polluted

Summary: After a long day of work, Spencer comes home and fucks his stresses away.

A/N: This was written in literally 45 minutes but I had this idea and I couldn't make it into a full fic, my mind could only think of the smut part lmao. Enjoy!!! :)

Warnings: NSFW, slapping, degradation, squirting, unprotected sex, mean!spencer

Word count: 1.9K

Prison changed Spencer Reid, plain and simple. This is not the man you came to love. He was cruel, possessive, completely and utterly damaged. You hoped that prison wouldn't taint Spencer too much, you hoped that he would continue to be sweet little Dr. Spencer Reid. But you knew what prison could do to a person, for you locked people up daily. You knew that the system would take Spencer's old soul and soft heart into its muddy hands, squeezing them until they became one. Although sometimes in the right lighting, in the right moment, you can see a hint of Spencer in his light brown eyes.

You can't say that you hated the change in Spencer, obviously there was much work to be done before Spencer could truly be himself again. However, you could live with this change. He was hungry, feeling as though your body was the only thing that could fill that hunger. It was extremely attractive to you, his sudden hunger for you. Spencer was always using you, using your body or your mouth or your hands... just you. There was always an excuse for him to be inside of you in his mind. A man thought of looking at you? He bent you over the kitchen table. You wore a shirt that showed a bit of your chest? He dragged you into the bathroom and forced you onto your knees. You smiled at him? He would shove his face between your thighs until you couldn't even see straight.

Even on the way back home after he had gotten out of prison, he bent you over the backseat on the side of the road and fucked you roughly. It felt like you were stepping on eggshells every time around him because you never know what can set him off... it was oddly scandalous, almost arousing as the thought of how he'd fuck you next was always on your mind. A big plus was that spencer dug himself into your brain, pulling out your deepest and darkest kinks, and using them to give you earth-shattering, mind-blowing, life-changing orgasms. Now you don't think you two could ever go back to just plain sex. He had ruined you, ruined your body so much that only the thought of being hurt could get you off now.

"Fucking bitch..." Spencer spat out, his hand spreading your legs further open as his cock drilled into your soaked cunt. "That bitch looked at me like I was fucking stupid..."

His words came out breathy and jagged as he fucked into you at an animalistic pace. Spencer came home today upset, his tie being ripped off and thrown down as soon as he got into the door. You knew something was up by this action, but also the look on his face. He seemed to have a frown sewn onto his face, something that he wore most days. You asked what was wrong but you were met with him ripping off your clothes, hinting that he didn't want to talk but to fuck his frustrations into you. Now here you were, panties ripped off, legs wide open, Spencer deep inside you with his hand placed on your neck.

You couldn't tell how many times you came just in this position alone, you couldn't keep count. His hand gripped your through, affecting the way your brain functioned. You felt with every thrust of Spencer's hips you would lose brain cells... creating the dumb cock whore that Spencer ached to achieve. Spencer's hand applied more pressure to your throat as he thought of what happened at work, how while section chief Erin Strauss critiqued his work, people were being murdered.

"As if my 187 IQ wasn't enough for her." He started, his hand on your thigh being slammed down past your face and into the wooden table he was drilling you into. " I mean, I've been at this place for over 10 years... I know what I'm fucking doing"

You came again, not able to keep yourself from unraveling now. His hand on your throat was constricting your moans, completely silencing them as the only thing that could come out of your mouth was soft gurgles. You loved this feeling, knowing that at any moment if you didn't like it you could alert Spencer and he'd stop immediately. I guess you could say that Spencer's care for you never disappeared after prison, he would go on to say that it strengthened his love for you. He had this picture of you that you had sent him in one of your many letters, he kept it with him everywhere he went for it was the only thing that kept him sane.

One time a fellow inmate saw it, snatched it from him, and digested every single inch of you. He went on to explain the disgusting things he would do to you if he got the chance, that is exactly why Spencer came home to fuck you nice and good every night. Because if he wasn't the one to do it, he knew that other people would take you for granted, they would spend only minutes with you... ignoring what you needed and taking what they wanted. You would feel incomplete, unsatisfied, and completely in denial that love existed. You would assume love was only made for books and movies, that no one could show you the love you deserved. This is the love you deserve. You deserve a love that could have you coming undone over and over again, a harsh and mean kind of love but that always ended with soft kisses and a nice hot bath. A love that was sour at first but ended sweet, making sure that the words "i love you" were carved onto your skin.

"You wouldn't do that would you?" He whispered into your ear, his grip on your throat as he waited for your response. " You don't think I'm stupid ...hmm?"

His cock was too deep inside you, it was deep enough to have you going cross-eyed and unable to speak. Your moans became audible now, no longer being stuck in your throat due to his pressure being released. His pace was still inhumanly fast, not stopping even for a second. The table had started to shit forward, being scrapped across the floor and probably worrying the downstairs neighbors. You were on the verge of cumming again, your mind not even able to comprehend his question until you felt a harsh sting on your cheek. Spencer had slapped you across the face, growing impatient while waiting for your answer.

"Answer me...." He hissed out, leaning down and taking his lips to yours. He bit down on your lip, creating a pain that shot through your body. "Or I'm going to make you cum over and over and over again until you can't think of anything else besides my cock deep inside your tight little pussy..."

You could taste blood now, your lip bleeding and seeping into your mouth. His words created this deep, rough knot in your stomach. It wasn't like the rest of the orgasms you had tonight, no it was more intense. It hurt, painful with every thrust of his cock. It created a deep pain and pleasure dynamic in your body but felt like something was trying to claw itself out of your body.

"Fuck..." You screamed out, grabbing onto him and digging your fingernails into his back. "No I wouldn't! Fuck... I wouldn't! I won't!"

You finally replied, hoping with those words he would deepen his thrust if that was even possible. Spencer just grinned down at you, placing his head in between your shoulder blade and your neck. He set soft kisses to the skin, his warm lips against your burning skin. Spencer was close, your words pushing him further to the edge. The feeling inside your stomach didn't stop or dull, it only got worse. You were screaming now, Spencer's hand lingering on your neck but sitting gently on your skin. Spencer picked up his speed, the table scraping against the floor even harder.

You couldn't handle it, everything around you becoming so far away yet being so close. The feeling got to a point of feeling terrifyingly painful but also so potent of pleasure and so bewitching that you didn't want it to end now. A couple more of Spencer's deep and harsh thrusts sent you over the edge, the painful knot in your stomach snapping and shooting liquid out of your body. It was the first time you had ever squirted, the feeling so glorious that you wished it would happen every time. Your vision went out, only seeing light and hearing Spencer's soft moans as he finished inside of you. The world felt like it ended, nothing to be seen or to be experienced... just emptiness but complete fullness all at the same time.

"Good girl..." You heard Spencer's words echo through your now-empty mind. You couldn't tell if your eyes were closed or not. "You did so good for me honey... I'm so proud of you."

Those single words were all you needed to hear as you floated back to earth and into your body, you blinked a couple times... forgetting where and who you were for a split second. You came back to see Spencer brushing your hair back from your sweaty face, his face inches from yours as his face filled with concern that maybe he had broken you finally.

"There she is..." He chuckled softly, kissing your lips softly. " There's my girl..."

You gave him a weak smile, raise your hand to rest on his cheek. You rubbed it softly, feeling the growing stubble on his face. He was just as sweaty as you, his body hot to the touch. You two probably looked insane, one of you barely able to walk looking beat the hell up and the other one scratched up and drenched with liquids. Spencer gently slid himself out of you, watching you wince softly as it felt like he was connected to you at this point.

"Sorry..." He whispered, taking your hand in his as he rubbed your thigh gently "I was too rough huh?"

Rough was not even close to what Spencer was. He was brutal, sadistic, barbaric but you couldn't deny that you would choose it over compassion any day. You began to think that maybe prison was the best thing that could've happened to Spencer Reid, not only was he a genius but he now had a powerful glow to him. Shy kisses and longing gazes were a thing of the past for you two, Spencer knew what he wanted and he was going to get it.

"You were just rough enough..." I chuckled, feeling nothing but content and at peace in this moment.

Spencer laughed with you, pecking your lips one last time before pulling away from you. He looked around, his eyes landing on the couch. He smiled, walking over and leaving you but only for a second. He came back with a blanket, wrapping it around you then picking you up bridal style. You thanked him silently because you knew there was no way you were getting off the table without some kind of help.

"To the bath you go..." He joked, holding you close to him as he walked you to your shared bathroom. 

You looked into his eyes and at the right lighting, the right moment, you looked into his light brown eyes... realizing that this is Spencer Reid. This is Spencer Reid damaged, polluted, and bruised... but it was still the man you fell in love with all those years ago.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fandom #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #dr spencer reid #spencer reid #criminal minds x reader #matthew gray gubler

[kunaigirl]

Happy Disability Pride and awareness month! Let's talk about Epilepsy!

Hi there! I got tired of seeing my condition (that impacts my literal every day life) being left out or forgotten about during discussions about disabilities, so I made my own post about it! Let's go!

First Off! What the heck is epilepsy? Epilepsy is the fourth most common neurological disorder in the world, and it's a chronic medical condition. Epilepsy is a brain disorder that causes recurring, frequent, triggered, and unprovoked seizures to occur.

The official Epilepsy Foundation describes seizures as follows: "Seizures are sudden surges of abnormal and excessive electrical activity in your brain, and can affect how you appear or act. Where and how the seizure presents itself can have profound effects...Seizures involve sudden, temporary, bursts of electrical activity in the brain that change or disrupt the way messages are sent between brain cells. These electrical bursts can cause involuntary changes in body movement or function, sensation, behavior or awareness." (Source link)

Sounds like a lot of fun right? This is our life. Even with medication, we can be VERY limited to what can be safe for us. Seizure medications are NOT a cure, they only exist (at least as of now) as a tool to help have your seizures less often, or be triggered less intensely. Even on medication, seizures can still happen.

If you have epilepsy as a child like I did, it impacts your entire growing and developing experience. I spent MANY times as a child in and out of hospitals, neurologist and specialist offices, an getting so many EEG tests done. The pain of scrubbing the glue out of your hair for DAYS is horrible.

At a young age my seizures were so frequent and serious, it impacted my brain's ability to retain information. I had to re-learn the names of things at age 8 and 9. I had to re-learn HOW TO READ at age 10. I had to be home schooled because the public school system of my state at the time refused to work with me. I have VERY distinct and vivid memories of crying over my little baby ABC's book that I needed as a 4th and 5th grader. I knew I should've known this by this age. I knew that at one point I already did, and it was TAKEN FROM ME.

As an adult, I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE A CAR. And I can NEVER go to see a movie in theaters or go to see concerts or live music. There are entire TV shows I don't get to see. I can't go to clubs, arcades, dances, or raves. I miss out on A LOT of fun things. I always do, and I'm WELL AWARE of the fun I'm missing out on. The social, casual, and fun life experiences I'll never get to have. That WE'LL never get to have. And oh yeah! Seizures can KILL SOME OF US. Yep.

And the list goes on, and every person with epilepsy experiences it differently. There are multiple different types of seizures you can have, they're NOT always convulsing on the floor. For example, I have complex-partial-myoclonic-seizures. Meaning my muscles DO twitch when I have seizures, but I'm not always completely unconscious and sometimes I'm even able to stay sitting up. However, I'm still very "off" and can't focus or remember much for a good while after the fact. I can't talk or communicate during one, even with my slight bit of consciousness.

My experiences are not universal, I just wanted to talk about it and bring it up. It helps to talk about it even a little bit. Here's more about different kinds of seizures. Here's more about common seizure triggers. Here's more about CORRECT seizure first aid. And here's more general information/resources.

Please stop leaving us out of disability awareness. Please stop ignoring us or saying we're "not really disabled" or anything else like that. Please. Why does it always feel like the only people who care about epilepsy, are people WITH epilepsy? We're so tired of being ignored by others who don't have our condition.

If you're an epileptic person reading this, I see you. I love you. You're so strong, we all are. I believe in you, I believe in us. We're so much stronger than we get credit for, and it's going to be ok. Your anger and frustration are valid. Your emotions and struggles are real. You're valid, and I see you. Hang in there, we got this.

#epilepsy #epilepsy awareness #actually epileptic #disability pride month #disability awareness month #disability awareness #ok to reblog #disability pride

[kami-kun1003]

Silver’s narcolepsy is so… interesting to me

everyone always talks about it like it’s a silly joke. like “ha ha sleepy boy!!!” which is. fine. but from what we see in the game, it’s undoubtedly a serious physical disability. it literally causes him to fall asleep randomly throughout the day and there’s no way he can fight it. that’s genuinely scary and a cause for concern. what if he fell asleep next to a lake and drowned or something??

i can’t help but think about how much it must affect him mentally. imagine you’re the only human in a fae family, and your whole life you believed that you would be the first to die, and you need to make the most out of the short time you have to repay your loved ones for raising you.

and the universe decides to give you a sleep disorder that completely hindrances your ability to do so. you doze off CONSTANTLY, wasting hours upon hours of precious time that you could’ve used for something more useful.

you can’t control it. once you feel that drowsiness, it’s over. nothing helps; you just can’t stay awake regardless of what you try. no one knows what’s wrong with you so you just assume that it’s your own fault for being so lazy. your father’s done everything he can, bless his kind heart, but even he can’t find a solution.

nobody understands what you’re going through, they all say it’s normal to feel bored or tired from schoolwork every now and then. which isn’t how you feel at all, but you just don’t have the words to describe it.

it gets to the point where you’re failing your classes because your body simply refuses to function the way it’s supposed to. your teachers blame you and they’re right, it’s your fault it’s all your fault isn’t it?

your peers make fun of or look down on you for being unusual. for always falling asleep. for not expressing emotion (doesn’t anyone else find it hard?). you feel ashamed. you try to fix it but you can’t. nothing can ever be fixed.

it’s frustrating to be unable to control your own body. you’ve grown used to it, and so has everybody else, although that doesn’t make it any less of a problem. but at this point it feels like there’s no other choice but to just live with it.

and in the end, you feel guilty. your father has given you everything, and yet you can’t give back. does that not make you a failure? a disappointment of a son? here you are, living, breathing, thinking, and you can’t even do anything to thank the person who gave you the luxury of existence.

wouldn’t you hate sleep? wouldn’t you utterly despise that feeling of drowsiness that overtakes your mind when you so much as stay still for a single minute? would you not cherish the moments in which lethargy did not plague you?

oh, how you wish there was a cure.

(tagging: @fruixtii )

#these are just my personal thoughts so pls be nice if u disagree— #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst silver #lilia vanrouge #diasomnia #malleus draconia #sebek zigvolt #twst headcanons #twst analysis #twst angst #narcolepsy

[eroguron0nsense]

Garp, Fascism, and Parental Failure

Garp is truly one of the most interesting One Piece characters for me because of the extent to which his dogged, relentless devotion to a fascist system–and the supposed "order" it promises to uphold in the face of anarchy or rebellion–perseveres no matter how many times it fails him and his son and his grandsons. He's fully aware of the deep-seated corruption and atrocity, and feels some kind of moral obligation to bend its rules to protect the innocent (as we can see with his attempts to protect Rouge and Ace), but when faced with widespread femicide and infanticide, genocide, slavery and endless examples of egregious cruelty, he is unable to comprehend the notion that the system is indefensible, or that the only moral choice he can possibly make when faced with that level of atrocity is to leave and resist it. His son recognizing the inherent, inexcusable failures of the World Government and its armed enforcers–literally quitting the force to start a revolution– changes nothing. The order to slaughter pregnant people and infants at Baterilla can't convince him otherwise. The countless instances of bribery, the tolerance of atrocity from state-sanctioned privateers, everything about the history of the Valley of the Gods are all things he's aware of, and takes issue with, but never comes to the conclusion that he cannot affect positive change within a system designed for oppression. The public execution of his grandson–a prime example of the marine's fundamentally irrational, arrogant, vindictive cruelty clearly bound to blow up in all of their faces even before their Pyrrhic victory at the summit war–makes him waver, but even when confronted with this obvious, indefensible injustice against a child he raised and rescued by people seeking to murder him on live TV and desecrate his corpse as a show of power, he cannot bring himself to act against it in any meaningful way no matter how much it hurts him to leave his grandson to die. If he can't veto it, he'll stay Vice Admiral and suffer through Ace being sacrificed on the altar of fascist state control, and functionally leave Luffy for dead in the process while he's at it. He fails every single person he wanted to love–Ace, Luffy, and almost certainly Dragon–and allows himself to be reluctantly complicit in countless crimes against humanity again and again and again because he's so deeply steeped in this notion of preservation of order through state control that he convinces himself that even this disgusting, atrocious, fundamentally flawed and untenable excuse for a government is better than abolition, better than revolution, or just the act of expecting accountability or literally anything better from the systems that issue false promises to protect you. Dadan beating the living shit out of him and calling him a failure as a grandfather, as a self proclaimed defender of the people, is one of the most important scenes in the Postwar Arc because a lesser series might frame Garp as a tragic, helpless figure suffering more than anyone else due to conflict of love and duty, but One Piece refuses to whitewash his actions/inaction or allow the grief and suffering caused by systems he's complicit in to take precedence over its real victims: the D brothers.

There's so much I could say about statism and anarchism and the ways people have internalized the supposed necessity of state violence to the extent they can't oppose that violence even when it ruins them or their loved ones, but that horrible indoctrination and its devastating consequences for both him and his family are what makes Garp so fascinating to watch and so thematically/politically important to One Piece as a whole.

#monkey d garp #monkey d. luffy #monkey d dragon #portgas d ace #one piece #curly dadan #marineford #one piece text posts #portgas d rouge #one piece marines #garp one piece #garp the fist #vice admiral garp #crocodile did more to try and help ace than garp #fucking crocodile

[strayywayy]

Giving you what no one else could Bangchan pt-2 pt-1 pt-3

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

Pairing: bang chan x fem!reader

Brief: You have extreme body dysmorphia and depression. Chan comes in your life as a ray of light in the dark, things take a turn teaching you what love is. You come in each other's lives' as messiahs. Love is mutual chan is helping you to his max but how do you help him?

Genre: soulmate AU, fluff, eventual smut (comes later in other chapters), light angst, lotss of comfort

Content Warning: Mild swearing, sexual themes(again comes laterr) and discussions, mentions of body image/ self-hate

A/N: This is the very first thing i'm writing in like whole of my life. This series will be shamelessly self-indulgent as I relate to this soo much. Chan makes me feel like home so this is how I portray him with my story. I have no ideas how many chapters this will have hehe.

Credits: dividers by: @cafekitsune thank you so much for the dividers these are soo pretty!!

Chan or a better name that you call him now with loads of affection- Channie came into your life when you needed someone to keep you sane at this point. It was when you couldn't stand looking at the mirror. The reflection you saw made you hate yourself even more. Your health, grades, overall functioning deteriorating gradually you looked for a solution. You tried to ignore all of this through dance as it acted as therapy for you in a way.

You stayed in the practice room hoping to freestyle your way through the day. Somber tunes played loud on the speaker your body swaying with it weightless. It was like you were in another dimension where your thinking wandered and the only thing you could do was move involuntarily to the music.

You were not aware of the presence of an unfamiliar person who was looking at you dance from afar. He looked at you with eyes full of affection and awe even though both of you hadn't interacted ever. He walked up to you slowly grooving with the flowy music currently playing. You both began dancing with each other the freestyle looking like a choreographed piece somehow. Both of you don't even realize that you've been dancing together for literal hours, not saying a word. Being so close and moving back and forth with each other only bodies communicating along with the music. Your state of escapism was interrupted by an annoying ass spotify ad as you one day subscription had ended. You cursed spotify as you went to check up on the sound system.

You returned to see chan drinking water and wiping some sweat off his body. Both standing close to each other, Chan was still in awe of you somehow. You could judge by the way he looked at you. You also in a shaken state of his beauty, the way his body moved, how he was in sync with you, how he looked at you made you go crazy and you felt some kind of positive emotion after days. He brushed off your ramparts now dripping with sweat off of your forehead. His touch triggered long slept butterflies in your stomach.

"Hi" he said with the most genuine and beautiful smile decorated with a perfect pair of dimples. You metaphorically melted by his voice and that smile. His "hi" did something to you. "hello" You replied shyly looking away from his eyes awkwardly playing with your hair. "You were amazing out there" said Chan. "No you are the one who's worthy of praise!" you compliment. Both of you standing quiet now with only tension between you two. "Thank you" both speak at the same time. You continue "for today" with a low chuckle. "Are you new here I haven't really seen you around" you asked. "Yeah.. oh.. I'm sorry we've been dancing for hours and I didn't even introduce myself. My name is Christopher Bahng, you can call me Bang chan or chan if yo-you want to. I just settled in this town and being an avid dancer I heard this is the best studio 'round here so I thought of joining". "Chan" you thought to yourself was a very pretty name but he was even prettier honestly. "Dancing with you made me feel like I made the right choice" your thoughts were interrupted as Chan spoke. His words revealed a pink hue on your cheeks very gradually along with a smile. "I'm flattered, Thanks" you said. "I'm Y/N by the way, nice to meet you. I'll see you around" you said calmly while your heart and mind was devoted to making him yours making you forget all the worries for once. You walk out the studio stopped by Chan's voice "Hey Y/N" "I hope we can become more than just acquaintances". His bold move made you stop right there to process that he had said that to you. You were hoping he'd do that and he did! Your day was well spent you thought. "Can we exchange numbers if you'd like?" he inquired. "Sure! here.." You typed on his phone as he handed it to you. "I would love to know more about you" you rephrased this in your mind that said that you would beg on your knees to know him and be close to him.

Your ride back home was peaceful all because of that man. You had fallen hard actually HARD for him and it was evident to you that he was attracted to you too. With thoughts of him clouding your brain you forgot about the things that were bugging you. You suddenly had an appetite and felt better. Did Chan use magic on you?

A notification popped up on your phone from an unknown number. "Hey! This is Chan" "Hope you reach home safe, text me when you do". You read this as you reach home. Hi Chan, i'm here" "Thanks for worrying 'bout me" you reply as you weren't used to be cared of. You always dreamt of a man who would care for you. Were you finally going to get someone? you bubbled with joy instantly saving his contact as Chan then erasing it and renaming it to Channie with a heart emoticon. The giddy feelings gave him a nickname which you will have on your tongue for the rest of your life you wished. You felt wanted, appreciated. You cried tears of joy as you had dinner, actual dinner after so long. You couldn't sleep though because you were thinking of him. How would he take care of you if you two ever became close. As you wandered around your house in the state of sleeplessness, a mirror showed you your reflection making you a bit unhappy looking at your body again. You sank into grief. Why was your mind doing this to you. Can't it handle being happy. Tired from the practice though you dozed off on the floor with tear touched cheeks.

You woke up the next morning by your phone buzzing with text notifs. "Good morning Y/n" "I'm looking forward to our practice today"Chan typed. "Good morning Chan, I'll be there in the studio by 11 am." 'Eager to practice with you too <3" you said. Besides you didn't want to only practice you needed time to adore him as much as you could. You put on a nice outfit which made you feel good. You were overwhelmed by the emotions atp. Confident you got into the car for a class you had at uni only 2 hours long. After the lecture, you picked up coffee for Chan and you. With the name on Chan's coffee being "channie". You walked into the studio where a previous session was coming to an end. You waited to have the studio to yourself and Chan. You spotted him on the sofa near the reception, He wore a black tee hugging his body rightly. He caught you staring at his biceps and broke your stare with "Hey y/n" "How are you" Again with that fucking smile which made you fall for him. He sure knew he made you like that. You handed his coffee to him with "Hi Chan" "I'm good, what about you?" with a smile. Chan unknowingly ignored your question and said "Channie huh? I like this name" reading the coffee cup. "I like you" both of you thought in your mind but these words didn't slip from both of your mouths. "Y/n you look really pretty today". You blush by his words and thanked him almost a tear falling from your eye. "Says someone whose looking like sex on legs himself" You say. He tried to hide the tint he had gotten on his cheeks by looking away. He obviously failed because you could see it so damn clearly. Proud that you could make him feel all giddy, you couldn't believe it was you being this bold with him. But with him and him only. to be continued........

#bangchan #stray kids channie #skz fluff #skz x reader #skz comfort #christopher bang #skz #stray kids imagine #stray kids #skz au #alternate universe #bang chan x female reader #bang chan smut #first post

[pathetichimbos]

i literally live for ur posts bro. what hcs do you have about werewolf!thomas? how would that affect his character and upbringing? what about any romantic relationships? i am very interested in this Idea

oh geez man. i had to pause yugioh to talk about this. bear with me on this one lads, i'm fighting off a fever

(add in: I wrote this like a fucking month ago but mobile refused to let me edit the post so I had to come on web and that took like eighteen spoons for some god awful reason so. Here go)

So, the great thing about Werewolf!Thomas is that there are so many ways to interpret it.

It all depends on how you view werewolves: Do they only shift on a full moon? Do they have any control over it? Do they have any control during the change? Can they do it on command? Is it driven by emotions? Do they have any werewolf features outside of their wolf form? Do they experience heats/ruts? Do they mate with A/B/O rules? Do they have their own? It's just so much!

Which is great! I love AU's that leave so much open space, and I feel like the slasher community severely lacks any serious AU's.

So, here's what I'll do. For this post, I'll set up a particular form of WW!Thomas. I'll set answers for the questions above (and maybe a few more) and give a brief description on him. Then I'll talk about my HCs, how it'd affect his character, upbringing, etc, etc.

I"ll also add in another loop and tell y'all to send in asks about other forms of WW!Thomas! Change it up, mix 'em around, and ask me about him! It's an AU, damnit, let's have some fun with it!

So, just as a fair warning, this particular version is going to lean less towards the traditional werewolf and more towards my own, because... Well I don't really have a reason, I just want to. Leave me and my feverish brain alone.

Now to begin by answering some basics about WW!Thomas and how his particular case of lycanthropy functions.

In my particular AU, Thomas has a few werewolf features outside of his wolf form. His teeth are noticeably sharper than normal, and his nails are dark and naturally sharp. His ears, while in normal human placement, are pointed, and twitch in response to various things. He has a big, fluffy brown tail, and he's just a bit hairier all around.

During a partial shift these aspects just sort of increase; e.g. His teeth are threateningly sharper, his nails are bigger and harder, his ears become a little fluffy and more canine in appearance, and his tail become bigger and sort of gains a mind of its own.

During a full shift, his fur is dark brown, wild and curly, and oh, so fluffy. If it wasn't for all the large, sharp teeth and pointy claws he'd be nothing more than a giant, fluffy, St. Bernard. He still has his facial scars and is also missing his nose in his wolf form, so his sense of smell, unlike most werewolves, is significantly weaker. For the actual build, he's just like a typical werewolf form. Unless he's on all fours, then he could have a chance of passing as a strange breed of... something. Something big.

There is an urge to shift on a full moon, and no matter what he'll experience a partial shift, but he can resist shifting completely on a full moon, he's just more irritable and snappy when he does. It's easier just to let it happen and get through the night. He can also shift in other ways as well.

For one, he shifts with extreme emotions. Anytime he feels threatened, scared, or angry, he's much more likely to experience a full shift, but he can experience partial shifts from being excited or happy or really just any 'big' emotion. He spent a lot of time working on controlling his shifting, so honestly it takes a lot to really corner him into an unwilling full shift.

Despite this, however, he can't just shift on command. He's a pretty anxious guy, so most of the time if he tries to shift with no real rhyme or reason he ends up psyching himself out of it all together.

The state of his consciousness during a full shift really depends on what made him shift in the first place.

If it's a voluntary, full moon shift, he's present and aware, if a little clouded by the transformation, and most of the time during regular full moon shifts, he's rather docile and peaceful. He's a bit more excitable, but there's no danger with being around him during this time.

If the shift is involuntary however, i.e. brought on by being cornered with big, negative emotions, it's a different story.

If he shifts out of fear, or feeling threatened in some way, he's much less present during this time, sort of stuck in a panic state, but as long as you're not what set him off, it's pretty easy to coax him back. Careful words and soft affection will help him calm down and shift back.

If he shifts out of anger, or protectiveness, i.e. someone threatens someone in his family, it's much, much worse.

Thomas is a very calm, albeit anxious man. He has his fair share of anger issues, but it mostly stems from other people's mistreatment of he and his family, in other words, it's more of a righteous, justifiable anger. It's just as easy to stay on his good side as it is to get on his bad side, but it takes a lot of the bad to really make him snap.

All that to say that it takes a lot to force this man to shift out of anger. I mean you have to go to the low of the low. I'm talking hurt/kill someone he cares about in front of him levels. It's not an easy feat.

And if you do manage to pull it off... Well, let's just say I hope God has more mercy on your soul than Thomas does.

He's completely blacked out during this, there's not a single ounce of him present at this time, nor is there any possible way to pull him out of it. The best thing you can do is just let it happen, and if possible, lock him in the basement until it's over. It may sound harsh, but no one is safe when he's actually snapped.

Now that we've covered the basics, we can move onto some general headcanons for him.

♡ For one, he sheds. A lot. He's an overgrown dog living in Texas, there's really no way to avoid it. He's great to have around during the winter months, but when spring starts to shift to summer he's gonna lose that winter coat- everywhere.

♡ He hates being treated like a dog, he's still a person and he won't take kindly to being treated like a mutt. Especially after the Hewitts begin their rampage- he was put down his entire life, he won't take it anymore. i.e. he HATES the word mutt

♡ During any sort of voluntary or positive shift, he's really just a big teddy bear. Due to the fact that he has to work during the day, and shift during the risen full moons at night, he's pretty exhausted and just wants to sleep.

♡ While his mask does also double as a muzzle, he hates wearing one. It's a requirement for his job, and since he prefers wearing a mask while he's in his human form, wearing it isn't an issue at all, but the insinuation behind a muzzle insults him.

♡ He wore a collar when he was a child because he had a lot less control and people would often have to bring him back home to the Hewitts after he'd run off to play during a shift.

♡ He tends to spend most of his full moon shifts alone in the basement, which the Hewitts sort of made his 'wolf' room after adopting him, so he has a place to go when he shifts, or in the extremely unlikely event he snaps, they can lock him in so he's safe from himself and others. He still has his regular bedroom upstairs he uses most of the time.

♡ A full shifts tends to rip and shred his clothes (a very expensive and/or time consuming repair) so when he knows it's going to happen he just strips down to a too big pair of boxers, which, seeing a werewolf in barely fitting boxers is an absolute sight. So there's that. It's not an issue since he's normally alone in the basement, any sort of surprise or involuntary shift just absolutely obliterates his clothing.

I can't really think of anymore headcanons at the moment, so I'll just go ahead and dive into the backstory and how this would affect his upbringing.

So, for one, we need to establish more ground rules before we begin. Is Thomas the only creature lurking the night or is this a normal in the universe? If it's a one off, was he born this way, or did it happen in some freak accident later in life?

Well, if he was the only one born with it then the Hewitts would have kept him safely locked away in the house his entire life, save he be burned at the stake. So he'd be much more isolated and feral than he already is and he'd probably really only be 'freed' once the Hewitts begin killing people and the town is abandoned.

If it was some freak accident he'd be much more feral and, if this is before the town all fled, he'd be locked away or burned at the stake. Notice the reoccurring theme?

So, we'll go ahead and place him in a creature universe and say he was born with it, just to give him fair fighting ground.

So, in this universe of creatures, werewolves aren't the only monsters, but they are very powerful ones. Which, unlike some people might think, would bode against Thomas rather than turn in his favor.

Due to his skin condition and feeble health from a young age, most people just assume the Hewitts took mercy in their adoption because Thomas' biological parents abandoned him in shame, even though this AU will follow the original storyline of the movie.

See, it's particularly interesting to apply this filter over the idea of the original movie, because in the original movie, Thomas is shamed and shunned because people believe him to be a monster, but in this AU, monsters are normal. Now you've got the lesser monsters viewing him as dangerous, and the other bigger monsters viewing him as something lesser.

But it's still the same principle, so honestly I don't think there'd be too many differences in his character and personality.

There's a few changes, sure, but it's things like, he hates being treated like a dog, or being called a mutt, and instead of just calling him names and treating him like a freak, they force him to wear a muzzle because 'you never know when he might snap'. Nothing that fundamentally changes his character or behaviors.

As for romantic relationships, I think it's pretty much the same sort of deal. Nothings really changed so much as there's just a few new things to consider.

Before I list a few things about this, here's a preface.

Thomas, no matter what, sort of has that 'forever mate' mentality. He doesn't believe in the sort of 'modern' dating of today. There's no brief talking period and jumping straight into a relationship until it gets serious and then dipping. It's a long, long time of a platonic relationship, and once you start 'dating'- that's it. He's in it for life. You're his one forever. So, it's not really fair to be like "oh he's a wolf he mates for life" because he already does. So I won't be really defining if there's any way to 'permanently' claim a partner in this- that's up to y'all! Decide whatever your little heart desires. I just believe his character already has the mentality for it so there's no reason to add something like that in.

Ok, onto the headcanons!

♡ He normally prefers shifting alone but he begins enjoying having you around for it, and gets a little disappointed when you can't/don't.

♡ Even in a relationship he doesn't like being treated like a dog/called a mutt, even in a joking tone. It's a big No-No.

♡ He's very clingy and possessive and prefers sleeping dog pile style (i.e. one of you on top of the other)

♡ I already believe that Thomas loves having his hair played with, but I think wolf!Thomas has a particular appreciation for when you start stretching his scalp

♡ Thomas (while he has a weaker sense of smell for a wolf) has a great sense of smell for a human, and if you come home smelling like someone else (especially another wolf) he tends to get irritable (though he tries to hide his frustration) whether it was intentional or not

♡ He growls a lot. I don't need to tell you when

♡ Ok, this last thing may sound crazy, but my parents have a dog, and after I got my cat, he realized humans think it's cute when cats purr, and so he started... grunting. Like he was trying to purr. Thomas does that too, like a deep rumble in his chest when he's really content

Anyway, that's all I have for now. Maybe I'll add more if I think of anything.

Thanks for sending in the ask! <3

#thomas hewitt #slasher fandom #slashers #thomas hewitt x reader #thomas hewitt x s/o #thomas hewitt x y/n #slasher x reader #slasher x you #thomas hewitt x you #I WAS REREADING MY OWN POST AND REALIZED I CONTRADICTED MY OWN HC #SO I HAD TO EDIT IT REAL FAST AND EXPLAIN

[the-fo0l]

Super fluffy Ethan Winters x reader headcanons

Notes: this was written in one of my 10 min "i love ethan winters" episodes, more written for me than anyone else, also happy new year

Warnings: established relationship, pure fluff, maybe too much fluff, obsessed bf

Ethan would like nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with you

Despite the fact that you've been together for a while now he still looks at you like he's experiencing love at first sight over and over again

Celebrates full and half anniversaries of things that aren't even important

"It's the half year anniversary of when you agreed to move in with me!"

".....That's why you got me flowers???"

Loves to see you passionate about things you like

Will listen intently when you talk about literally anything

If you hate someone, he automatically hates them too

Loves doing lovely-dovey, cringey couple things with you

Travelling, cooking and baking together, date night, movie night- just living out his dream romance story with the love of his life

He's an amazing cook i just know it

Makes you breakfast every day

And dinner, if you guys aren't doing out to eat

"How was work today?", you manage to ask before Ethan kisses you hello. "Good, but I couldn't stop thinking about you", he says with a small smile. "Ugh you say that everytime I ask about work...", you say with sarcastic annoyance. "Well it's true" a stupid love-struck grin now creeping onto his face.

His heart just about explodes when ever you do something for him

It could be the smallest thing

Bring him tea or soup when he's sick, tug the blanket up more and kiss his forehead -his body temp gets twice as hot with the way he's blushing

Of course he's very careful driving with you in the car but it is kinda hard to keep his eyes on the road when you're sitting next to him, looking so perfect

Sometimes you catch him casually humming that wedding tune (you know what i mean right)

At least like 70% of the pictures on his phone of you, plus a ton of screenshots of things to buy for you

He could be having a horrible day but seeing you automatically makes him feel better, and any sappy shows of affection from you make his whole week

Cuddling up to you is something he always looks forward to at the end of the each day

Staring into each other's eyes, holding your hand, running his fingers across your face, pressing gentle kisses to your skin and being as close as possible

At this point he has trouble going to sleep without hearing your voice, feeling your touch

Leaves you little notes, informative or just reminders of his love. Sometimes you'll write your response on them and leave them up for him to see later (he totally keeps all the notes you've replied to)

Hugs from behind, giving and receiving

His love for you never stopped growing. At this point it's hard to function without being in some sort of contact with you

He would not be able to handle fighting with you, let alone a break-up (not something you should even joke about, he'll cry)

Loves petnames beginning with "my". Cause that's right, he is yours, completely and utterly.

After one of your friends/acquaintances rather rudely joined the cafe date you and Ethan were on, Ethan's been in an awfully salty mood. Your hand holding his is likely the only thing keeping him from going off on the girl.

All the while she's going on and on about how perfect your relationship is and how unbelievable it is that she "hasn't found the perfect man yet".

"Of course you haven't met the perfect man," you lean in slightly, "I already have him".

Well, that certainly bettered Ethan's mood tenfold. He can only chuckle awkwardly as his face heats up and the corners of his mouth tug upwards. He doesn't say anything as you two continue talking, but you can't help but notice how his grip on your hand tightens, and how his other hand goes to encase it completely, gently toying with your rings with that lovesick look on his face.

#ethan winters x reader #resident evil fluff #ethan winters fluff #this is more for me than anyone else #resident evil x reader

[mycurrentobsessionis]

I get why people are so mad at Milo, I really do...

(spoilers for The Night Market)

But, first of all, accidently summoning fucking Cthullu because you literally Do Not Know how to do your job is, uh, relateable somehow. Then proceeding to stab Cthullu because you panicked is objectively funny. Like. I got over the initial shock of that ending (because wtf, Milo?!?!?), and the confusion (like what did I do to get the bad ending???), and then it was ALL laughs. Like, daaaaamn, Malcolm is gonna be pissed, dude!

Legit, Milo isn't even malicious here, y'know? He's, like, a horse loose in a hospital -- he's just as confused as you are! He's never been in a hospital before!

Also, on a serious note, it's like, fair enough, okay. Because Hazel won't leave the Market, because she won't leave without Malcolm (living, dead, or undecided). Malcolm either can't or won't leave. Every probably can't leave. Milo probs doesn't care if he dies, but that's his family. And, I mean, the MC was dying irregardless. In his brain, this was the thing that would save them, too. All he had to do was give up their trust and love (platonic or otherwise), and they walked away. Limping and heartbroken, sure, but alive. Not saying it's fair, but you know. People do massively fucked up shit for love and for fear, and Milo has both. What he does is selfless from a certain point of view -- he gave up the affection and goodwill (that he probably thinks he doesn't deserve anyway), and everyone lives. He loved them all enough to lose them. And yeah, it was in fucked up way that is not the way to do shit, but.

As a future trauma-informed clinician, Milo's brain is legitimately built different. That man is on fight-or-flight 24/7, and I'm not convinced he isn't in a manic episode for at least part of the book. We know he's not sleeping and is drinking pretty heavily toward the end. That does not bode well.

Honestly, it was a shocker ending only because I didn't expect the author to go there, but it makes sense. This is a severely mentally ill man who spent ten years literally carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, on top of his own unprocessed grief and trauma, and trying to make sure his equally mentally ill friend is alright, and sort of single-parenting a dead child. Then you have the fact that he was meeting pretty regularly with Baron fucking Palpatine, who was probably manipulating him. And yeah, you can say that he's a grown man but... When you live your life focused on survival, you literally do not develop the kind of executive functioning skills you need to withstand that shit. You can develop them later in life, but it is significantly more difficult.

In a lot of cases, I do not argue for mental illness being a defense for the kind of fuckery that he got up to, but shit, man. Milo has such a deep-seated sense of self-loathing, and the amount of vitriol thrown against him so intense and utterly unsympathetic. The whole cast uses the MC for their own ends. They all put the MC at direct risk. At least Milo believes he's saving them.

Anyhoo... romanced him because Zinnia won't let me play as his therapist LOL.

#milo next #character analysis #the night market #the night market if

[ivanttakethis]

Round 7 Predictions

Since we’re only halfway through Alien Stage, I don’t think there will be a Round 7 winner.

There’s a ton of material Q and V could get into if both Till and Luka survive in some way or another. I also think there’s still a lot more left to learn about the lore of Alien Stage as a competition and how the whole system functions for the competition part to end so quickly.

I think Till will be rescued by the rebels at some point, either before or during Round 7. He’ll get to reconnect with Mizi, see how much she’s changed, and hopefully come to see her as less of a godly savior and more of a person.

Freeing Till would also force him to confront his own wants and dreams beyond escaping the competition and taking Mizi with him. What does Till want out of life now that both he and Mizi are free? How does he process all of the shit that went down in the previous rounds, especially Round 6?

As for Luka I think one of two things will happen: (1) he won’t be rescued by the rebels at all or (2) he’s offered the opportunity to leave with them but he refuses.

The second option is definitely more interesting as it will tell us more about Luka’s mindset, but also Hyuna’s if she can choose whether or not a rescue attempt is made for him. It would possibly give us insight into how they feel about each other given the current circumstances.

Either way, I don’t think Luka will leave Alien Stage or rebel against the aliens.

What would be his reason to? He’s the face of the whole competition. His status within the alien society has provided him with a lot of access that he could possibly not be able to live without, given his chronic illnesses.

But more than that, I think he’ll stay for personal reasons. Fame? Accolades? Ego? Maybe a mix of all three? Or perhaps some long buried guilt or remorse? There’s still a lot we don’t know about his feelings and motivations.

Personally I think he’s too interesting of a character to kill off so soon (a.k.a. I want to study him under a microscope).

Now this next part is me being delusional, so I’m putting it under the cut.

So,

If Till is rescued before Round 7 starts, that leaves Luka as the winner by default. But that’d probably be pretty boring as a finale for the audience.

How do they spice things up? By healing/reviving Ivan and putting him up against Luka.

Think about it: they’re both insanely popular in-universe, they’re somewhat equally matched in terms of singing ability, and they’re both considered pretty boys.

Think of the fashion! Think of the theatrics!! The material is LITERALLY. RIGHT. THERE.

In my opinion they’re two of the most complex characters in the cast, but they haven’t had much (if any) direct interaction with one another. I’d like to see how their similarities and differences stack up once they’re side by side, and what that tells us about each of them.

They’re also both weirdos (in their own ways), so putting them head to head would be the ultimate Freak (derogatory) vs. Freak (affectionate) final showdown.

And if Ivan were to win, he would essentially take over Luka’s role as the face of Alien Stage. How would that affect him personally? What would he do with his life after?

If he learns that Till managed to escape with the rebels, would Ivan still want to escape on his own? Or would he be content to stay put with the knowledge that Till is free?

Similar to Till with Mizi, who is Ivan beyond helping and supporting Till? What are his hopes and dreams?

I went more in depth about how Ivan could potentially be brought back and what ramifications it could have on the story depending on how it’s done in this post, if anyone wants to read that.

#*writes predictions that could possibly happen* #“okay here’s how ivan is alive truthers can still win—’’ #at this point i need ivan alive for purely selfish reasons #but also luka and ivan having a cunt-off would have me foaming at the mouth #think of the potential #alien stage #alien stage round 7 #alien stage ivan #alien stage till #alien stage mizi #alien stage luka #alien stage hyuna #alnst #alnst round 7 #alnst mizi #alnst till #alnst luka #alnst hyuna #alnst ivan #ivanttakethis talks too much

[bioethicists]

Please note I have only taken a few psych classes cause I was required to in college, but I have always seen disorders in the DSM like adjustment disorder or prolonged grief disorder as something to get insurance to pay for therapy because at least my insurance in the US will only cover my therapy if I have a diagnosis... is that wrong though? Are they actually trying to make greif a pathology?

it's the other way around- the dsm (or diagnostics in general) does not exist/modify itself because of insurance, insurance bills based on the widespread belief in psychiatric research + practice that there is a meaningful split between "normal" and "pathological" behavior which can be categorized into illnesses which are meaningfully distinct both from one another + from "normality" (exemplified by the dsm).

even if some therapists no longer abide by this belief, it is still the dominant narrative in psychiatric research. insurance requiring you to medicalize your own pain in order to be given access to healing is a problem that should be addressed directly, not by inventing more and broader ways to be 'sick'. if we're literally inventing disorders now just to get people access to therapy- that's a huge problem + not something we should settle back into + accept. to its credit, even the icd (medical dx book for insurance) has codes that essentially mean "no illness or disease here, just a need to speak with a physician".

to be clear (which i think ppl were not getting from the post i made)- there is no grand conspiracy to like... cover up grief or delegitimize pp due to covid. i do think that researchers for prolonged grief disorder do genuinely believe that they are helping increase access to healing (which may be true but at the cost of medicalizing grief) + that identifying a 'disordered' form of grief is somehow empowering or healing for ppl. what it does is further construct a cold (western-based) narrative that there are 'normal' + 'abnormal' ways to experience grief, that there are forms or intensities of grief which are a sickness (that is, a problem within to be solved or cured), that there are right and wrong ways to grieve. it stems from such a myopic, medicalized, neoliberal view of the world that someone whose life is permanently altered by a devastating loss is seen as a disordered object to shift onto the 'proper' track of grieving.

at the risk of getting too personal, because i've been thinking abt this a lot since losing my brother- criterion for this disorder include identity disruption, intense emotional pain, loneliness, and difficulty reintegrating into life. one of the worst parts of grieving in the US is the culture's rabid obsession with you getting over it as soon as possible w/o letting it affect you in any meaningful way. you have to get out of the house, get back to normal, don't let it drag you down! my dad said to me the day after my brother died "we can't let this change the course of our lives". the absolute arrogance + cruelty of implying that it hasn't already changed. that my identity isn't forever changed because i was a sibling + now i am not. now i am something different. of course i am lonely. of course i am having difficulty reintegrating into life. of course i am in intense emotional pain. i wrote that post before losing my brother + now it just feels like another manifestation of the unspoken cultural mandate that grief be contained, efficient, unimpactful.

tl;dr the insurance benefits may or may not be there, but this misses the larger issue of how insurance functions this way due to psychiatry's obsession with diagnostics + will ultimately serve to draw even stricter boundaries around acceptable/unacceptable grief, isolating grievers + severing their pain from a communal context

#anti psychiatry

[mynameisnotsoda]

Explaining my entire dsmpsona playlist because I can

P.s. every mention of Soda in this post isn't me, i just dont feel like putting c! In front of it every single time LMAO

Also i dont think i ever posted the ref on tumblr!!?!??! Criminal but putting it here is better methinks

I also put this in my studentbur playlist, which feels fitting for both of them. However for Adam its more metaphorical whereas with Soda its more literal.

I have my own shapeshifter lore that's loitering in my brain that i need to write down eventually BUT the basics are essentially that shapeshifters are "born" from the planet. They CAN come from other shapeshifters but only once and most choose not to have a bio kid.

So basically, Soda literally popped out of the ground one day, was found by Sapnap and then adopted by Bad and Skeppy. Soda was maybe physically 9/10 years old and was so curious about the world and excited to experience life. If any creature could possibly be made of pure love, its them.

Growing up Soda got REALLY attached to Bad, they clung onto him a lot and it was to the point where it was probably unhealthy. Of course Bad noticed, which made him actually set some boundaries despite not really wanting to. Skeppy was able to convince him, though, as when it comes to the kids hes the voice of reason.

So, Bad would start off by telling Soda that he was going to be gone, leading up to him just disappearing for maybe a few hours at a time before eventually coming back. Eventually Soda was able to function without Bad, but that ended up backfiring as they just latched onto Sapnap instead.

With Soda's attachment to their brother, they tagged along with him when he went out fairly often but after being weened off of Bad it became more frequent. Soda and Sapnap were practically attached at the hip, regardless of Sapnap's protesting.

With a group of teenagers they were obviously doing some reckless, stupid shit and Soda was just along for the ride! At first Dream and George hated Soda—they were just Sapnap's annoying younger sibling—but eventually they got used to Soda being around. Especially since they may have persuaded Soda to use their shapeshifting for nefarious purposes.

At first everyone found Soda adorable, their cheery optimism, endless energy and amusing naivety was a part of their charm. But then it became...obnoxious.

Sapnap always had a short temper, he tried his best to handle it, but sometimes he'd just snap at Soda when they became too much of a handful. He was always quick to apologize but it affected Soda deeply.

Soda very much struggled with any sort of negative emotions, when they felt it—it hit them hard. One day, it was enough to send them spiraling, having a panic attack alone in their room. This was also the first time memories of their past lives resurfaced. At first it was rather intriguing, though a jumpscare, but then it just got worse.

It seemed like Soda's lives were always filled with turmoil and a constant feeling of dread. The stronger their emotions became the more fragments of memories would appear. Soda didn't tell anyone about this.

Skipping much further ahead, Soda obviously sided with the Dteam during the revolution. They were family, in Soda's eyes at least. Which made it incredibly easy for Dream to use that to his advantage. He used them in every way that he could to win the war, even going as far as to try and make Soda resent Tommy and Tubbo. Soda was a spy, mostly, turning into a cat to effortlessly infiltrate the enemy. They heard and saw everything, but part of them felt bad for it, so they never told Dream everything. He noticed.

The horrors of being a child soldier.

Dream's obsession with power and control was never obvious, not to his friends and certainly not to Soda. They truly believed he had good intentions despite going to war with Wilbur. Then again, Soda doesn't understand what war really is. But the pressure to keep up with Dream's demands and avaid his increasing irritably became exhausting and overwhelming. Yet Soda believed it was their fault.

Tubbo and Tommy weren't safe from the horrors either, they had that much in common with Soda. The three of them went through hell, basically.

Dream.

Aaaand tumblr wont let me add more songs so im cutting this into parts through reblogs. I'll probably continue this later (bc its almost 2am pFF) and might post the second part before i go to sleep like im doing now :P

I am cringe but I am free

#dsmp!soda #dsmpsona #dsmp #dream smp #dsmp oc #dsmp au

[titaniasthings]

Weasley Family Dynamics as a quidditch team

I reread Orchards by @whinlatter and it's really got me thinking about Weasley kid family dynamics. So here's a not well-articulated long meta :)

The analogy? Metaphor? A comparison I can make that sums up the dynamics well is the kids as a quidditch team.

First, you have your Keeper, that's Ron, who does exactly what it sounds like. I think Ron can function as a literal and emotional maintenance of his family. We see him be a buffer between his siblings during conflicts, comfort his mom when she's distraught, and experience genuine depression when he's not around them.

During Harry and Ron's fight in Deathly Hallows, Ron's boiling point is Harry's "impassiveness" for the other Weasley's safety.

"Didn't you hear what they said about my sister? But you didn't give a rat's fart, do you, it's only the Forbidden Forest,... Yea, I get it you don't care! And what about the rest of my family, 'the Weasleys don't need another kid injured ,' did you hear that?"(Deathly Hallows 347).

Being apart from his family, that keeper role, only exacerbated his insecurity about being a failure. Ron is the sibling that takes after his mother the most. He looks after his siblings and their well-beings no matter how unintentional. This includes Harry and Hermione as well. As we see him grow up, we see him accept this role more because he loses the need for external validation.

Next are our Chasers, Bill, Charlie, and Ginny, which you could argue are the main characters of the game. They do the most gameplay and have the important role of scoring the points. Bill, Charlie, Ginny are they only kids to leave the country for work. In the family, we see them develop similarly personality-wise. They all have lives and experiences outside their family, but that doesn't takeaway from their duty to their families.

"You all right ," said Bill, grinning at Harry and shaking his hand. "Charlie wanted to come, but he couldn't get time off. He said you were incredible against the Horntail." (Goblet of Fire 608).

They are the epitome of the Weasley brand. The cool kids of the family. They're funny, popular, and confident. The favorites.

This dynamic between the siblings changes depending. Bill and Charlie get to be role models to their other siblings because their the oldest. Ginny has the role of being the family mascot. After all the Weasley's have left Hogwarts, her presence is vital to the school. In the family, They are a living representation and reminder of the values that the family was brought up with. This informs their relationship with her brothers(i.e. Ron always wanting to protect Ginny).

The next positions are the Beaters, Fred and George. Beaters are some of the lesser essential players, but they make the game interesting. Without them quidditch would not be as dangerous nor as fun. Remember how I said Ginny was the Weasley mascot? Well Fred and George are too in a more literal way. They bring the fun to the family, the jokes, the bants. They are also the center of most family conflicts.

"She's furious at them anyway. They didn't get as many O.W.L.s as she expected," (Goblet of Fire 59)

They fail to meet their parents(Molly's fairly reasonable) expectations repeatedly and often go head to head with their parents(Molly) about it. This affects the dynamics of the family because conflict builds bonds. All the siblings love each other, but they do fight. When Fred and George cause conflicts, it stirs throughout the whole house. It forces the siblings closer together or farther apart.

Prefacing this by saying, I don't blame Fred and George for every conflicts that happens or think they do anything any other brother wouldn't. Their role here is important in deepening the relationships of the siblings.

Although I am Team Fred's death was unnecessary and lazy, I do like to think about how his death made the siblings a millions times closer as adults. The twins create challenge that make "the game" better.

Last but certainly not least, our Seeker, Percy Weasley. Like Percy, The seeker is often alone, spectating for most of the game. Percy is a lone wolf in his family. He's without a pair and at first glance doesn't necessarily fit into the group. He's stern, meticulous, and uptight. To many outlookers, it's a wonder he made it into Gryffindor. He is very much a Gryffindor, just not on the same scale or intensity of his siblings.

Percy has a different perspective of the same Gryffindor/ Weasley values. He, as a Seeker, isn't in the game but sees things other's would miss.

"He said he's been having to struggle against Dad's reputation ever since joined the Ministry and that Dad's got no ambition and that's why we've always been --you know-- not had a lot of money, I mean--" (Order of the Phoenix 93).

Percy does value family, the reputation of his family. We can't expect Percy to not want to succeed and want more for them. He's the 3rd oldest and saw his mother raise his family(basically by herself)on his father's low-income salary. He saw his siblings get bullied, his mother be shamed, and even his siblings get physically hurt. In his eyes, it's selfish for his father and his brothers not to want more.

Percy's role is to be an outsider and look in places the others wouldn't. He finds success and happiness in ways the other's wouldn't have known. Would the twins have pushed for WWW, if not to prove Percy wrong? Like the twins, he pushes his siblings to think more and do more.

He may be wrong sometimes but he means well. He'll also pull through in the end.

All in all, the Weasley children are a well-oiled team. They love each other and need one other. There's a reason Harry chose this family to latch on to. I'll continue obsessing over them in my head.

#harry potter #weasley family #ron weasley #bill weasley #charlie weasley #percy weasley #fred weasley #george weasley #ginny weasley #molly weasley #arthur weasley #quidditch

[broodwolf221]

okay. aforementioned meta time.

aka: solas drew the veil and plunged the world into chaos... but my best guess is, he had to.

ft.: if he was wrong to do so (which i don't think he was), then the inquisitor is just as wrong during in hushed whispers

solas' goals were pretty straightforward: he wanted to liberate the enslaved elvhen. to do that, he had to stop the evanuris, who were, without a doubt, the world's most powerful mages.

and others have posited theories about more going on, theories i tend to agree with, at least in terms of broad strokes. specifically i believe there's a connection btwn the evanuris and the blight and that, unchecked, they truly would have destroyed the world.

in which case, he gets an additional goal: save the literal world.

i also tend to agree with the idea that red lyrium has something to do with the blight. so moving forward with these two theories...

things blight/red lyrium can affect (in game canon):

stone

animals (including moles and worms via ambient dialogue in suledin keep)

humans

elves

dwarves

qunari

dragons

so it's reasonably safe to say that not only does the blight impact people, but it impacts the planet/nature as well. so if he took action to stop the blight, then by doing so he sacrificed arlathan to save the entire rest of the world. and the extreme measure he took here was likely necessary because of the strength of the evanuris - one man, one mage, however skilled, could not effectively fight them all. as a direct confrontation he would have lost. but there's still a heavy implication that he warred with them (or perhaps for them - either way, he was a soldier) for some time, that he "spent lives," which to me implies that he was something of a general waging a war against the evanuris, at least at one point. so it's safe to say that he actually tried to go head to head with them - and he couldn't. not even with an army.

i have seen his actions within the timeline of dai contrasted with the inquisitor's actions during the in hushed whispers timeline, and i think that's a very valid comparison to make: he woke to a world that was unrecognizable to him, corrupted by his actions, but also saved by his actions! but he wants to bring what was good about the world back. as inky in that timeline, we are willing to destroy everyone in order to "reset" the world and have another chance to take down corypheus.

in game, the world doesn't seem too bad to us. sure, it has its issues, but it's still a functional world, right? the people inhabiting it, most of them want to continue to live the rest of their lives, right? i don't think we can say the same isn't true of the future timeline we saw. there was absolutely deep corruption and danger, and the inquisitor's companions seek a reset, but what of those outside southern thedas? we never know, we never see their lives. what if others were gearing up to attack - what if they'd been able to succeed? instead we determine that this future is so awful, so intolerable, through our limited, narrow point of view of it, that it should be erased, should be completely unmade.

and in-game, this reads as ethical! but it's also analogous to what solas is doing and to what he did in arlathan. i don't think that paralleling is unintentional, either: what we see in that future is very much what he sees in the present, and we're both right, these times are "corrupted," are "broken," are "different" and are "wrong." but as inky it's presented as an inevitability - of course we would seek to restore, to reset, and nevermind all that we'd be destroying in the doing. leliana says this explicitly to dorian, that for him this is a nightmare he hopes will never come to pass, but the rest of them lived it, it was real.

to solas, the world is half of what it should be. everyone is walking around not knowing how much they are missing, unable to recognize the deep loss of magic for what it is. it's a gutted world, and that it's all these people have ever known... well, does that make it right to keep it as-is? because if so, how did the inquisitor have the right to reset the world in that timeline?

(little note: i have not engaged with any media outside of the main game canon and certain dlcs. however, i also do not personally hold that canon outside the games/major dlcs is absolute canon and should be 100% trusted. this is just how i engage with this franchise. so if smth i said here is disproved by non-game canon, personally that doesn't rly matter to me uwu;; to each their own tho!)

#solas #dai solas #broodmeta #rolls around #these are not all unique takes! not at all! #but i just wanted to compile my full pov on this matter somewhere

[scintillyyy]

do i have more firefighter bullshit already? yea. we had kind of a way too much screen time kind of day and i literally could not watch encanto at the hollywood bowl one more time. it was a gamble, but luckily fire engines are a big hit in this household!

listen the funny thing about these christmas episodes is that my husband texted me a bit ago about working on a holiday saying that the other wives were looking for my phone number because they wanted to plan a dinner at the station and was like "unfortunately it's too late to pretend like you don't exist :("

(i didn't even end up getting texted because my husband ended up getting moved stations for that holiday because he was needed ~elsewhere)

if they don't want us to ship buddie, buddie should not be having deep conversations about their son.

and oh no!! eddie's leaving! (actually irl my understanding is that if a firefighter is married/has kids with another firefighter they do tend to have to work different shifts on account of the whole. 24 hour shift dealie and needing childcare for that. so if buddie ever were to get married that should be a consideration. it also adds a lot of extra strain on the relationship given you only see them like. 1/3 of the year.)

bobby all "my bosses want to know why i haven't filled the empty slots on my roster" and while. once again that's not bobby's job (it's the chief's & the city's) and i know we're waiting for eddie and chimney to come back, as a concerned taxpaying citizen who is paying taxes so that the city can provide me with public services such as the fire department i am also curious as to why one of the stations i'm paying the city for is not functioning at full capacity. will this affect anything if i need to utilize those services. inquiring minds need to know.

you know what fic needs to written. the one where a lady goes to a fire council meeting with facts and figures and statistics to ask these very important questions.

ah, eddie calling out bobby and telling him to go to hell. eddie you're so unwell right now, but i support you.

okay i am living for the lady buck kissed getting moved to the 118 because it reminds me so much of the scandal of these two people on my husband's department having an affair. whenever they were station they would have sex in the bathroom. there was technically no regulation against it. their coworkers knew what was going on. they would sit there like 😬😬😬 when the two would disappear.

the day it went public and the whole department found out was quite a day. my husband was on the phone for a loooong time gossiping. (see also: transfer day!)

albert's mustache!! finally someone has one <3

based on teeth jee-yun has to be about a year now, one would think.

okay boston is a very good episode. they did well. no snark. except maybe there seems to be a lot of stuff in that pack and play she was sleeping in. i guess if she's over a year it's not the worst.

i do think it's interesting that chimney's friend moved from the lafd to boston and got in there. it's my understanding that it's almost impossible to get on boston if you don't live there.

okay back to snark. 1) jee-yun is waaaay too big for that infant car seat. there needs to be at least an inch between the top of the carseat and the head of the child and she looks veery close (also, who has a one year old still in the bucket seat?? christ. that thing gets sooo heavy as they get older. just get the convertible, most babies start to find the bucket seat uncomfortable as they get bigger anyways) why are you feeding the baby in the car seat, sit her at the table 3) why is she strapped into the car seat and pleasant about when maddie is visiting buck. that baby should be screaming to get out and explore.

wait wait wait wait. taylor's supposedly the bad guy? buck kissed another woman, didn't cop to it and instead asked her to move in, then finally admitted to it and admitted that it was partially because of that. oh wait. i guess they get over that.

oh eddie. you are not doing well. i hate to admit bobby's right, ever, but you are not fit for duty as you are right now. (you'll get there one day <3. up to a third of firefighters develop ptsd.)

aw, albert lost the mustache and is quitting. tragic.

ah, i see. taylor wants to run the jonah story.

and wow..chimney has been through a lot. a lot. probably more than anyone else here.

ah, so this is why everyone hates taylor. for betraying the 118. and now, see. i understand that what she did was shitty journalistic ethics (you, don't say off the record and then decide to run the story anyways). but also in the day of multicounty scanner facebook pages, i guarantee even if the press and everyone else would have found out about 5 seconds later. and the fire department would have sent out an immediate press release with a preliminary newsbrief about the situation and cooperating with the authorities. anyways, slighty shitty but frankly buck's kiss was way more of a personal betrayal so i'm gonna call them even. buck is an adult. and taylor was right. he did know who she was when they started dating.

anyways, i am so excited for buck to die next season xxx (i hear he walks it off, it's k)

#some firefighter bullshit