#and i have personal reasons to feel so strongly about this topic i'm not gonna share
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"Those who kill without reason cannot be reasoned with."
I've been going through a lot lately. And it's a LOT to process. Today I was thinking about certain relationships in my life where I feel like I was manipulated. Where I feel like they were wrong, about me personally or about some other topic that morally mattered a lot to me. And I started contemplating the way that I tried so hard to change their minds - and why it bothers me so much that it didn't work.
I think it all goes back to httyd. The first story I really attached to was of a boy who said "Let me show you." And then he changed people's minds. Hiccup's book counterpart has a line where he breathes a sigh of relief because "If it can talk, you can reason with it. And if you can reason with it, then it has logic. And maybe if it has logic, you can live."
I suppose I took in these examples at such a young age where I didn't question them. That people CAN change. That my words and actions are valuable and I can effect change in the world and in the people around me.
And don't get me wrong here, this IS still true. I still believe these things to be true. But now I'm considering that I've reached the httyd2 part of my personal story.
Drago's mind would not be changed. Nothing Hiccup said or did would have mattered. And that didn't make Hiccup wrong or worthless.
And so I apply this to my life and I wonder if inside that initial line, if you could change the word "kill" to anything and it would still work.
"Those who judge without reason cannot be reasoned with."
"Those who hate without reason cannot be reasoned with."
"Those who harm without reason cannot be reasoned with."
I feel like I'm approaching a revelation in my mind where I unlock a new way to interpret the concept of "some people won't change." Because yeah, I guess some people won't. And that's not my fault. And maybe it doesn't mean I was wrong. And maybe it doesn't mean I'm worthless.
And maybe this can begin a new thought process for me where I figure out how to have peace about this. Maybe I can build a life for myself where I simply protect myself, my peace, what I believe is right, and not worry anymore about the opinions of those I so strongly disagree with and have been hurt by.
And maybe I can build a life for myself where I am surrounded by people who see me accurately, as who I am. Rather than as an amalgamation of every bad decision I ever made, no matter how long ago it was. Maybe I don't have to have people in my life who painted a version of me which is horrible.
Maybe I can be surrounded by people who think I'm a good person. Who think I'm kind and funny and worth the effort and worth being around, who are kind to me about my mistakes. And maybe it's okay that I want that. Maybe I don't need to be on a constant journey to "fix myself" based on what someone else decides my faults are.
I was so worried that if I released from my life these people who were telling me about how awful I was, then that would be me ignoring the problem. The problem which is me, because I'm wrong about everything.
But maybe in releasing these people, I can work on accepting that there ARE good things about me, goddamn it. And I can heal.
This is ultimately just me thinking out loud. I don't know what's gonna happen. I know the healing journey will be long, and it will hurt no matter how it happens. Family and friends are complicated. But maybe these thoughts I'm having today and right now are good. Maybe this is productive. Maybe this is a step in the right direction.
#feel free to say something nice and helpful in the notes#might delete later#this is a bit more personal than I usually get on here#thoughtsfromthequeen
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Hey how do u know if u wanna be a boy in a cis way or a trans way? I’m a girl btw
alright so i'm gonna preface this by saying that i'm... probably not the best authority on What Makes A Man(TM), considering that i'm not one, and that no answer i give is going to catch every relevant topical nuance? but i know i've talked a bit in the tags about my personal blend of cis+ gender-woogity, so i'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that's what you're asking about!
it got pretty long, so i put it under the cut :D
there's two ways i tend to approach my assessment of my gender, which for purposes of this ask let's call "diagnostic" and "diegetic".
the diagnostic approach is more or less what it sounds like - comparing and contrasting what i understand gender to be, denotatively and connotatively and culturally, with what my sense of my own gender is, and trying to figure out what feels closest to me and why. this has been influenced pretty heavily by two posts i've seen floating around over the years but can't for the life of me find right now.
one of them is just a quote to the effect of "consistently wishing you were a different gender is a pretty strong indicator of being that gender." and it makes sense, right? human intuition, gut feeling like that, is made of a million little deductions about the world relative to yourself that you don't consciously process all of, but which make themselves known however they can. if you're a girl but you keep finding yourself thinking "man, i wish i was a boy," that might be your brain doing behind-the-scenes pattern recognition about being a boy and trying to flag your attention towards it.
which isn't to say that it's an infallible tell, gut feelings are not always correct, let alone accurate! even when they are, you're getting, like. fortune cookie amounts of information about things that might require thesis paper amounts. but that's where you have to take a level in metacognition and think about why you think about or respond to something the way you do. or, to quote discworld,
“First Thoughts are the everyday thoughts. Everyone has those. Second Thoughts are the thoughts you think about the way you think. People who enjoy thinking have those. Third Thoughts are thoughts that watch the world and think all by themselves. They’re rare, and often troublesome. Listening to them is part of witchcraft.”
― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
figuring out the why of your own responses is good for tons of non-gender-related reasons, but it's especially helpful with those kind of vague but persistent I Feel A Way About This thoughts. if you're a girl and you keep thinking "man, i wish i were a boy", there's a lot of reasons you might think that! for legit gender reasons, yeah, but it might also be "i wish i were a boy because their clothes look better" or "i wish i were a boy because then i wouldn't get cat-called" or "because they get paid more" or "because no one assumes they can't pick up heavy things" or more. some of them are aesthetic things, some of them are cultural misogyny things, all of them are relevant and valid! but it also makes it a little harder to tell how heavily gender-weighted they are in general - you can be mad about the pay gap and and explore a more masculine silhouette while still robustly being a woman.
(though, pro tip about the clothes? regardless of your genderfeel, men's section jeans are where it's at. huge pockets. not made of tissue paper. sized with actual waist/inseam measurements instead of a random number revealed to a women's fashion exec in a vision. cannot recommend them strongly enough. have pocket. be free.)
that brings us to the second post that i regrettably can't find, and another excellent diagnostic tool!
it was a comment written by a trans man in a longer thread about gender identity, talking about something that helped him distinguish between 'cultural misogyny sucks' thoughts and 'i am not a woman' thoughts. he definitely explained it more eloquently, but his rule of thumb was "would this upset me if it happened to me, but not to a female friend?"
for example, if someone holds the door for a girl and calls her "ma'am," all courteous manners, that would probably not be an issue for most women! but if you aren't a woman, or you're starting to not feel like one, it might not feel so comfortable an interaction.
i've learned to use that as a baseline for a problem management system for "i wish i was..." thoughts like those - it really does help to distinguish between external circumstance thoughts wearing a gender envy hat vs actual gender envy thoughts hiding under an external-circumstance hat, especially when there's multiple confounding factors involved. for example, let's go back to the clothes thing for a second!
i've always had a bit of a contentious relationship with clothes shopping, which in hindsight was a combination of personal aesthetic, sensory issues, body image issues, and gender issues. trying to develop my aesthetic was hard, especially back when "department store girls' section" was my only real choice and the best i ever hoped for was a grudging least-worst option just to get it over with. this has since changed! i have experienced presentation euphoria! i have a style now that feels comfortable and makes me happy! but it was a steep climb to get there until i learned how to identify what made the least-worst option least worst and move closer to it.
sometimes it's easy, like "this fabric is soft but the color is hideous" so find a different color, or "it's too tight across the chest because it was designed for someone skinny" so try a different size, or "this is just blatantly not-my-aesthetic" so move on. but sometimes it's "i'm getting steadily more upset trying to find a dress that i don't hate on my body despite them looking and feeling just fine on the hanger," and that one's a little tougher.
because on one hand, part of it really was the body image issues. i don't need to shop plus-size, but there's still something really disheartening about basically every retail outlet's 'normal' size range heavily implying that i'm only barely thin enough to be worth catering to, you know? fatphobia in the fashion industry is a whole different other conversation that we're not having right now, but it heavily contributed to some non-gender-related body dysphoria that's played first-chair tuba in my brain for a long time.
but on the other hand, looking at myself in a mirror wearing a dress and really hating it wasn't entirely about my body in a dress - it was also about my body in a dress. it didn't really click until a good friend of mine invited me to be in their wedding party, and said "we're not doing bridesmaid's dresses, just bridal party colors, wear whatever you feel most comfortable in as long as it matches!" and i spent ten seconds mentally gearing up for another godawful harrowing misery gauntlet of dress shopping -
and then stopped. because.
if i can wear something comfortable.
and a dress isn't.
...... what if i wore a suit?
and lo, i went to men's wearhouse and got slacks and a vest and a buttondown and a tie and it was amazing. i feel so fucking good in that outfit, i feel handsome and classy and confident in a way i literally never once in my life have felt while wearing a dress.
most of the time, people want things or don't-want things for a whole blend of reasons, and if there's one reason yelling loudest (hello, body-dysphoria tuba) it's often hard to tell what the rest of the factors are. but it's really, genuinely worth it to try and figure it out, even if you have to dig through a big old lump of stress and misery to get there - understanding yourself better and accepting what you find will only ever lead to quality-of-life improvements. sometimes it's as simple as refining your aesthetic some more, realizing "i can do better than grudging least-worst options" and navigating towards a wardrobe that you actually like!
but sometimes, it's realizing that your clothes don't make you feel good in the first place because they're expecting a kind of gender performance out of you that you can't comfortably give.
and that's where the "diegetic" part of my self-analysis kicks in.
the definition of "diegetic" is (of sound in a movie, television program, etc.) occurring within the context of the story and able to be heard by the characters. the score of a movie is non-diegetic, whereas the song playing on the radio during a driving scene is. how does this relate to my gender, you might ask?
well... perception.
i can be on as many levels of Advanced Gendermancy as i want, but that's all non-diegetic. myself as i am, occurring within the context of existing in public and able to be seen by the other people out there living life? i'm gonna get perceived as a gender, and i'm gonna get perceived as "girl," with maybe an addition of "... queer?" when i feel like making a statement with flannels. and that's okay with me. it's not a hardship to have people assume i'm a girl, because yeah, i'm a girl! ish! mostly! girl-lite, girl-as-default, noncommittal-wiggly-hand-gesture rounding-down-to-the-closest-answer girl.
but the thing is, i'm a carpenter. blue-collar union carpenter. women comprise... i think 2% of the construction workforce in my area. which means that just by existing on-site, i'm making all the guys remember that the gender binary exists because there's now a "them" for them to be an "us" about. i get called "miss kelly" like that's my whole name by the guys from my company who know me, and i get called "young lady" by guys from other companies who don't, and it's all very respectful and courteous, but... i don't want it. what i want is access to the "we're literally all men here so it doesn't even matter that we're men" gender space they have without me, which i can't have, because i am diegetically female in a male-dominated field. and if gender is a fluid, i'm a water balloon deforming under pressure, because the more frequently i get Gendered on-site - even when everyone's been nothing but polite about it, and certainly not intending any insult! - the more stressed-out i get in the same direction as wearing dresses made me feel. it's too much, too constrictive of an expectation that i do not meet, and i don't like it, and you know what helps?
chasing masculine presentation a little harder to make up for it.
being seen and Gendered masculinely, even if it's a little more than i would normally want, feels good because it's balancing the pH of my gender fluid again, and getting to have that is entirely dependent on someone else perceiving you and acting on that perception.
so that's part of it as well, beyond any interior exploration you can do. it isn't just about what you feel like, which is certainly important - it's also about the way people treat you relative to what you feel like. and it's hard, it's really really hard, to figure out what's right for you in that balance, especially if you don't know what's wrong in the first place.
it's like being blindfolded on a beach and told to find wheat grains scattered in the sand by touch alone. you know there's something good out there but not where it is or how to find it, only that you don't have it, and if you find wheat at all it's mixed in with so much sand you can hardly taste it anyway. if you're lucky, you bump into someone who's gone through it already who can take the blindfold off and show you how to sift for wheat instead of just eating a handful of sand and hoping, and that makes it easier, but for every one person like that there's a hundred more who've never had to try to pick wheat out of sand and can't tell the difference anyhow who think you're just not trying hard enough to live off of the """wheat""" you've been given.
i can't really tell you what it feels like to want to be a boy, because i'm not a boy and i don't really want to be? but i can tell you how i worked out the gender that i've got right now, and i hope it helps you anyway.
#answered asks by cwaf#anon asks by cwaf#advanced gendermancy#i'm obviously not trying to Speak For The Trans Community(TM) here i'm just one person trying my best to articulate some stuff#but these are the things that have impacted my gender exploration the hardest#so i hope they're useful tools for you too!#i can't take credit for the sand vs wheat analogy because my datemate came up with it but they said i could use it here#if you do some thinking and discover that you *do* want to be a boy there's a ton of trans resources out there!!#there's a whole community who'd be happy to help guide you if you reach out to them for advice#but this is what i've got for you right now
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(I’ll preface by saying: huge JP fan who has no problem with people not liking it)
Anyways I’m actually super curious…
How are most JP fics “boring”? 🤔 I’ve always found their dynamic to be more entertaining than most, given the dichotomy of their characters.
So I’m curious as to how you’ve wound up at “boring” of all the possible reasons to dislike it. 🤣
I'm going to be a bit blunter here than I usually would be on the topic, as I was directly asked. So I'll cut the uh… negativity? I guess? For those who prefer not to see folks talk shit about a ship they like, lol.
First and foremost Jazz/Prowl is basically just… essentially made up and purely based on fanon inventions/additions, and made up fanon stuff is usually not of real interest to me without a very strong hook somewhere in the actual canon material. It is 99% fanon by volume that draws on little to no canon material of any kind but just... years of fanon, reproducing itself and mutating almost like a fanfic game of telephone, all developed in fandom echo chambers. Which renders the characters in the vast majority of fic a) largely unrelated to any canon material I like in a meaningful sense and b) tbqh, the kind of generic stuff found in a lot of typical, large dudeslash fandoms where the characters are… they're Dudeslash Fandom Archetypes with a gloss of paint on top, you know? People come in, look for which character in a fandom fits their favourite m/m trope the most, and then squish the character down to fit into that pre-existing archetype.
And the thing is, J/P has historically made a certain kind of sense for this, because the appeal was basically that… they didn't HAVE that much canon material? In the Marvel G1 comics, they have a little more specific characterisation and canon, but the G1 cartoon is not exactly a character exploration piece ANYWAY, and for Prowl especially he is a blank slate you can functionally project an OC onto. Which like, that's fine! That makes a lot of sense even if it's not what usually draws me into something.
My issue has become that if I read one more G1-fanon-soup fest mistagged "IDW" I'm gonna scream. I like IDW Prowl (and IDW Jazz too!) for the fact that these characters have specific, strongly delineated canon personalities, arcs and dynamics, and both of these characters- Prowl especially, but both of them!- have like. Things about them which are true, and which J/P fic not only tends to ignore but actively treats in a loooot of cases as somehow Inferior To Our Fanon and something to be "fixed" with idk, the power of Extremely Generic Dudeslash Tropes. I've been in many a fandom with Migratory Dudeslash Fandoms writing fic. J/P is extremely rote to me as a result, if nothing else.
It warrants mentioning that J/P fandom is where one does find a lot of examples of just undeniably racist treatment of Jazz in fic, both the truly inexcusable phonetic accent bullshit and also a lot of bad decisions around tropes. I don't think this is a function of the ship, per se, but that its specific persistence in J/P fandom (bc trust me: this has been a point of criticism for A Long Fucking Time) is in part due to it having this long entrenched fanon-to-fanon game of telephone going on? It would be better to talk about the fandom's issues there outside ship talk so I'll leave it at that, but I can't deny it has not… helped my feelings. TBH. And I know that's where a lot of the resentment you will find in the fandom obviously stems from.
IDK. It's just. It's usually fanfic of itself, you know? J/P largely feels to me, in most cases, like fanfic of fanfic of fanfic, and I come to TF fandom for fanfic of a canon. So. Yeah. Not a fan. At all.
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Hello I wanted to talk to you about something. Would like to hear your opinion on it because I really respect it. So on Twitter Trumanblack was trening lately and I saw people being mad that truman Black came back.
Here's couple of tweets, to show you the perspective:
,He is escaping the reality through this character. Being sincere and open is the way to live life not hiding behing fictional characters. He needs to grow up and realize where his priorities are.
Ofc, we do not know him. His choice, his life.
Or
what the fuck happened matty. I don't understand what you're doing right now. should have left Truman in the trash. I don't get it.
Or
This. It seems he was used to dealing with difficult emotions through avoiding them in stage character (he admitted to this in an interview recently) & he wanted to ditch the character & embrace the emotions/be sincere things maybe got too raw & real so he is back in charakter
I'm sorry this message is so long. I'm just thinking about it all. Do you think 'matty' is gone and he will be acting and all that in the upcoming tour? Cause I wouldnt like it and it won't be good for him too :/
Again sorry this is so long
No, I mean, this is an interesting topic that I think we should 100% get into to "warm up" for the tour. I bet we'll have even more to say once we start getting content from the first new shows in September. (omg not too far away now aaaahhhh), so everyone feel free to chime in, but basically, here is how I think about it ( this is probs gonna be long. apologies in advance. im gonna add a "keep reading" so i dont destroy y'all feeds).
The first thing we need to remember is that Matty's "Truman Black" persona pre-dates the ATVB tour. He's always been "Truman Black." He's always been a jokester, a meme lord, a bit chaotic, a bit sexy, a pastiche or caricature of himself.
The question, then, is why? Why does he do this?
For several reasons. And he's been nothing but honest with us about them.
From as early on as 23 years old, when ST first started blowing up and the boys cultivated a following, Matty became acutely aware of the spotlight and the way that fans idealized and idolized him. Sexually desired him, saw him as this rockstar figure. And it made him uncomfortable because, well, no real human being could live up to such a fantasy, right? That's really what the song "Love Me" is about. He experienced this during album 1 and instantly wrote about it for album 2. like thats how strongly he felt it. He's more eloquent about it than I can ever be, so I'm going to link you to his explanation of "Love Me."
so, as he's pointing out in his explanation, he plays this kinda ridiculous character to "subvert" expectations. right? even in the mv, he has cardboard cut outs of sex symbols and heart throbs like Harry Styles etc. and he takes his shirt off and stands next to them and makes out with them and all that. Usually, the normal rockstar-fan relationship is that we project our fantasy upon the rockstar and the rockstar accepts it obligingly. But Matty's going "well this is really kinda silly, and it makes me feel sooo disconnected from myself if i turn into this person everyone thinks i am, so what am i gonna do? oh I'll just lean into the silliness." so if he can't do the "fake authenticity" of the cliched rockstar, hes gonna do a very authentic fakeness of being loud, and silly goofy funny messy larger than life, etc.
He explains it here (I've cued it up to the right moment in the video). He's right, if you're a stranger and you know nothing about him and you see him behaving in a Truman-black-esque way, you'd think "wow what an arrogant piece of shit this dude is." BUT if you realize that he's like "i KNOW that you all think of me this way. And YOU (the fans) know that I know that you think that way." we become in on the joke.
You know what im gonna say here. Postmodernism. LMAO. No, but for real. Postmodern art naturally has this "meta" habit. It's art that knows itself as art. It's aware that it's not real. Like movies that are constantly referring to themselves as movies. breaking the experience of illusion for you by constantly reminding you that what you are watching has been filmed and edited. it's not real life. Thats what Matty does with the "rockstar persona" constantly reminding you "it's not real. im just a character made up in all our heads. I'm actually a normal human being but my job is kinda fuckin mental."
So, I think those 4 points, from VERRRYYY early in Matty's career are the genesis of Truman Black. Thats what "Truman Black" is based on.
You could ask, well, if Matty has been this way from the very beginning how come it's such a problem now? how come this whole thing is a new issue??
I think its the perfect storm of this year.
The ATVB show was designed to push the blurry lines between Matty Healy/ Truman Black to their very limits cuz they added extra layers of meta-theatricality to an already meta situation haha. He plays himself in the couch scene, and the raw meat scene, but he's also kind of playing a symbolic version of himself that's supposed to apply to a lot of straight men, but then the show is also about the lines between his personal and his public lives.
Then he goes and does the Truman Black rockstar shit in the second half of the show. So, the tour really could've been called "Matty Healy: At His Very Truman Black-esque" and it would have been accurate. Like he took this concept and stretched it to see how far it could take him.
Then of course you have the podcast thing, the taylor swift thing, the twitter cancelation cycles, etc etc etc.
There were so many new eyes on him. and so much out of context (remember, meta-theatricality needs context. needs the audience to be in on the joke. we have to know 'oh hes making fun of himself being a rockstar') cuz if we don't have the context he really comes off as a guy who's in love with himself and his rockstar status haha.
Now that alllll of this background is out of the way, lets discuss the questions that you've brought up.
Is he Matty or is he Truman Black?
I think lots of people didn't notice that when he threw out the lab coat that was labeled "truman black" in the video, he wasn't serious. he instantly starts doing the robot dance, flipping the camera off with his finger, acting disruptive by riding the trolley thingy. All Truman Black behavior: mischief, breaking rules, etc. so it was a "meta" joke. he tossed the character then acted like the character. a contradiction. ironic. Truman Black's never been gone! he and Matty are intertwined necessarily. you can't separate one from the other.
Is he gonna be acting at all in S...ATVB?
Yes. He will. He's working with Brad Troemel whose sense of humor is very close to Matty's and who loves irony and postmodernism.
Does he use Truman Black to "hide from difficult situations" or to "run from his emotions" or whatever that tweet was saying? no. He uses it to deliver social critique. About masculinity being ridiculous, about our relationship to artists and the fantasy of perfection in Rockstar cliches, about performative wokeness.
Those are the very same beliefs that Matty Healy believes in. hes always criticizing these things in interviews and speeches and stuff. So, no, hes not hiding behind the character to disassociate he IS the same guy, just a slightly less dramatized and exaggerated version.Thats why he doesn't completely turn it on or off at any time. Thats why it's not that he was willing to stop it for a relationship and then start it again when it didn't work out. Thats not how Matty operates at allll.
He didn't throw out his belief that performative wokeness is harmful and stupid, he didn't throw out his belief that leftist masculinity is confusing, he didn't change who he is at his very core just to be mr nice guy, or to be sincere, or to get his dick sucked off by Taylor Swift, or whatever these people think is the reason. He's always been this way; he very likely will always be this way. Thats just how he makes art and how he thinks about the world.
He's always BEEN open to embracing emotions and being sincere. "I love you, don't you mind?" "we're only human we're just like you man" "I'll quote on the road like a twat," "im petrified of being alone, its pathetic," "im just pissed off because you pied me off after your show," "you pick a fight and i'll define it" "i said its cool i was messing but its true," "pretend that i know what it is (i wasn't listening)" "sorry that I quite like seeing myself on the news. im sorry that im someone that i wish i could change, but ive always been the same."
would an emotionally stunted anti-sincerity guy write ANY OF THESE LYRICS? idk, you tell me.
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I’d also like to add, Jason being a survivor for survivors in general.
Obviously everything you and others have posted on this matter is valid but I wanted to add that you don’t have to have a history of abuse to feel worthy of living.
To me (someone who fortunately hasn’t struggled with abuse in my life) I find Jason inspirational because if we look at Jason and strip him of everything that makes him him. He will always fundamentally be a survivor. A survivor of yes abuse, but also a survivor of being a child born from low income background/ poverty. A survivor of familial issues. He is a survivor of everything that’s happened in his life and that’s what I think is so real.
I am in no way trying to invalidate those who have suffered from forms of abuse. I just wanted to add that whether you have survived a traumatic experience or simply difficult circumstances, you continue to survive and endure just like Jason has.
That to me is what makes Jason so special and relatable. Idk even without a traumatic childhood/history of abuse I still tend to feel lost in this world. I am a part of a low income family, and I have experienced trauma in my life, but I feel like it can’t compare to the hardships so many others face. I try to tell myself that despite everything I am a survivor. I don’t know of what specifically but I am surviving despite my mental health.
It’s just nice to know that this character exists and continues to exist despite his challenges. Just. Like. Me. And that other people who grew up feeling alone or thinking they were worthless (despite having a “normal” childhood) can also exist and survive like him.
I tell myself that Jason’s form of justice by eradicating the worst criminals and protecting the vulnerable is beautiful. That his revenge against the worst of Gothams criminals is empowering and right. But my circumstances are different. I’m angry and there’s no one to take my revenge on. So, I tell myself to survive because isn’t living just taking revenge on the possibility of death?
Anyway, I am a survivor like Jason and I’m proud to say it.
This is gonna be a loaded topic and I know some people feel strongly about it, and I'm not 100% sure on the tone of your message anon, but I'm gonna go ahead and assume it's in good faith. The first thing I have to say is that there are very few situations in which comparing misfortunes and difficulties is warranted. They do exist (such as abusers claiming their misfortune is more relevant than the pain they are inflicting onto others) but anon, when you say you feel proud for overcoming odds and for surviving and that you feel like identifying with Jason, there is absolutely no need to justify yourself. If you see yourself in a character, then that is yours to feel and identify with.
Jason Todd also came from poverty. His rejection by most vigilantes and alienation is easy to identify with for many different reasons, including living with mental health problems. Finally you mentioned that you have had hardships but don't feel you can compare it to other's hardships... and I don't know about you or your life, but either way, you don't have to compare it. For what? For who? Comparing and ranking severity of trauma serves no purpose but to silence people. Whatever it is you've experienced, you don't have to justify yourself in front of anyone to take it seriously.
On a personal note, I can, and I have, been stuck in denying my own pain because "other people have had it worse". My advice is, just don't go there with your thoughts. Even if you're just feeling sad cuz you dropped your fries and can't eat them anymore. If you're sad, you're sad. You're allowed to have your feelings.
I am honestly a bit confused about your repeated mentioning that you don't have it bad (because no one has claimed that Jason is only for those to enjoy who "qualify" with "severe enough" trauma, so the message reads kinda defensive to me?). I don't know you or your situation. And I'm really struggling to read the tone of the message O.O But uh, hm, Jason Todd is for everyone. I don't think anyone is gate-keeping him, but he is singular in how he attracts people who face discrimination or have experienced trauma.
#ask answered#very confused about the intent of this message mmm anon if you feel like dropping in again to let me know how you meant this#that would be appreciated#I'm a bit weary of posting this reply but I also have no impulse control so
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Small update on what I've been doing with my life currently and thinking about, it just feels like something like this should be posted onto what I call My Blog.
So, I kinda got this idea, right? That maybe with a few of my connections and the places I'm getting myself into right now, I could get the whole Palestine thing mentioned at a festival or two this summer, maybe even have a small area like a little stand dedicated to information and messages surrounding the whole thing, possibly sending out invitations to Pro-Palestinian Liberation Organizations? I've currently just got a few bullet points and notes, I'm just thinking while I'm helping out these people with a couple of their things I could probably propose the idea.
I don't really know the head honcho's too well, they seem kind of like liberal types to me, what I know of them politically is just their ties to the Green Party, specifically the Green Party of Alaska through one of my friends who was deeply involved in that party, and there may be a couple of organizations involved I haven't bothered to research yet, but from what a personal source tells me there is some discussion around the topic taking place, leaning more in favor of Palestine it seems, and while they work on the stuff they're doing, my personal source might be able to sometime when I've got some things set up and ready put in the word for me or bring it up in a meeting. I already wanted to be involved in this project for personal reasons, and to an extant already am and have been, but it kinda struck me that I might be able to get something started there that's a little more, idk, connected? Something clicked in me about that, bringing some parts of my own life together and then parts of the world I see together, and you know mentally I leaped at the chance for some form of direct action and am... definitely committed to it now.
It's still a work in progress idea, I have a bunch of links and sources and stuff saved, I'm looking into books and stuff, but I have yet to properly flip through my list and put it to more direct use. I want it to have an emphasis on what an American Citizen (as these events will be, at least for now, primarily taking place in the USA) can do about it, like maybe I could find or make a map of weapons manufacturing sites in the US and another more metaphorical map of money trails and politicians, things people can not only learn of, but knowledge they could use. Just some ideas I'm still workshopping, it's a slower process than I'd kinda like right now. My internet connection is still kinda crap and I still have life and dishes to keep up with, but I feel pretty confident in the overall direction I'm moving in. As big of a deal as I'm making this small Pro-Palestinian movement of mine out to be, it's realistically more of a side project I'll have to put spare time into while I get info on what I'm currently gonna be doing, and it's ultimately not my event and out of my hands if something like this goes through or not. For all I know there could already be plans similar to mine being worked on in a more professional setting right about now. I have a couple, more personal projects I'd like to see inserted, maybe a little bit of advertising for some housing projects I've really wanted to get started, but what I feel most strongly about currently is the Palestinian people and the occupation of Palestine.
This is, all to say, I have somewhat more importance tied into my life right now, which I'm still a little anxious about, just as an update on what I'm currently doing. I mean right now I'm not doing that, I'm bumping it to the Hotline Miami OST and digesting soup while writing a post on tumblr.com at 11 PM, but for the next couple months, I have several interconnected goals that I am passionate about and proud of for political and personal reasons that I'm going to be spending more time on. It at least seems like a good jumping off point to get more into the swing of things with my life. As anxious as I am you know, it feels pretty good.
#i was drinking a little tonight so it is a little needlessly long. sorry about that.#hexacles.txt#pentacles talks#it's pronounced pen tuh cleese
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Good evening to me
As is tradition for these long personal posts, I am currently moving. Look at my cleaned up desk set up:
Here's a song.
My job suddenly let me go a couple weeks ago. I'm not worried, but... well I'm starting to get worried. I was initially feeling ok, because I actually had an interview lined up for the week following, but that fell through too now so I'm just very nervous.
So I've been saddled with a lot of time to think now. And it's all been bad. I'm basically stuck again. I've moved back with my parents for the time being and it stinks. They haven't been berating me or anything (though I'm sure it will come soon enough), but I just feel so... trapped. I feel like I'm stuck in a time loop, cursed to never escape or... well, to be honest, develop a real relationship.
I'm strongly reminded of my time stuck at my parent's home immediately after I first graduated college. While I had been broken up with the ex for about two years or so by then, it still was grating on me subconsciously, I know because my default state is very extroverted and during maybe the 2-3 years after her, I was very soft spoken and introverted. I didn't reach out to people that much. It felt like I was trying to remember who I was for a little bit, after dedicating a little too much to someone else. Then I felt extra useless because I just couldn't get a job for the life of me, maybe for like 4 months if I remember correctly.
Those were really rough months, as I tried to find meaning in what I was doing.
Well, I feel like I'm in that spot again. Broke up with the same girl. Then sent to live with the parents in the same old room that is now accruing mess because I'm just not a very well kept guy.
I'm really scared right now.
And I've let my mind just wander back to the ex. The problem with this room is I have 2 strong memories of it: 1) being stuck here, not able to find a job and 2) watching the ex sleep in my bed, a little bit sick, waiting for her to wake up so that I can make us dinner. So I start wondering if should contact her, because I feel so much like I'm running out of time. I'm getting too old, or something.
I'm scared I'm gonna be alone forever, or, if I do fall in love again, fall in love in a way that I find disappointing or settle or whatever.
So I start wondering if I should contact her. It's not even just I want to talk to her again about stuff that only we could talk about (as I stated before, she occupied this specific intersection of people that I just don't have anywhere else), I actively just... want that type of relationship connection again.
Then my mind races through whether she would even want to date me again.
Then my mind races through the complexities of dating her again, what friends I'd need to inform, which friends I'd actively keep in the dark because they would reject her and fight me about it, probably for my own good tbh.
Then my mind races through the complexities of, well, dating someone who my brain can't even trust anymore.
My mom isn't helping. If you may remember, after the previous break up, she briefly mentioned "what if you do end up together." I thought that would be the end of it, but recently we were talking about the people in my ex's town having to forget about me for a second time. Then my mom said "hopefully for the last time, but ya know, your dad was saying- oop." and then she changed the topic.
I wonder if I still sound happy when talking about my ex. Because maybe my parents are still wondering if I'm going to forgive her and go back to her. It's been already 3 months after a 5 month long relationship and here I still am.
It's all a mess and then I realize that I really shouldn't contact her or try to even initiate this conversation because it wouldn't work out for one reason or another and then I get trapped in the feeling of being scared and alone forever again.
And I tried to cry today.
I tried. With tears and everything. It didn't really work. I can't really cry unless I'm with someone I'm very comfortable with after telling them what happened. So... The last time I cried with tears was January 28th, in my ex's arms. The first and last time I cried with her. And also the first time I cried with tears since... hm. There was a moment in 2018 where I really broke down and cried in my room. But.. yea. That's it.
See, the thing is, I know I will be ok alone. I know I'll find my own peace and my own happiness being alone. I watched my uncle do it before he passed away. I've watched family friends do it. Hell, I thought I was aromatic until I re-met the ex.
But that's the rub, isn't it? I thought I was aromatic.
After dating her again, I realize that I very very very very clearly am not.
There's a degree of personal happiness that I can't access alone. If my personal happiness goes from 1/10 (deciding if life is worth living) to 10/10 (on a date with a girl who I know likes me), then the degrees of happiness 9/10 and 10/10 are locked unless I'm with someone. I haven't felt 9/10 or 10/10 without dating someone. And I had forgotten this was all the case until I dated her again. When I was alone those 8 years, I thought my 8/10 happy moments was as good as it was gonna get.
It wasn't.
And now I'm scared I'll never be able to reach that degree of happiness again.
Because, you see, I've been looking around. I've been talking to people, trying to find someone new. I've hit some sparks, I can feel some girls liking me. But I don't think I like them the same way I liked the ex.
With the ex, I was ecstatic about her in every way. I wanted to talk about her to everyone I knew. She was 3 hours away, and that 3 hour drive to her house was the greatest amount of anticipation I ever felt. It was exhilarating. Every time.
I still remember the first time I saw her again, she just walked out the door, jumped, surprised because I spooked her from the corner, then she charged and hugged me. And I felt 10/10. I felt 11/10. It was one of the greatest moments of my life.
This isn't a hyperbole.
But I don't know if I'll reach this with someone else.
Maybe I just haven't found the one yet. But I'm scared I'll run out of time. There some part of me that just wants my future wife to be someone I've known for a very long time. I kinda don't want someone new, I want someone I'm familiar with. Someone nostalgic.
I think I'm just imposing what my ex and I had onto future girls, which is causing me to not accept different kinds of interactions with them. But I really don't know how else to describe it other than they don't make me as excited. I'm not getting that spark. I don't get it. I just.. don't understand. I guess I'm just not over her yet.
And then the final bit is that an old boss of mine contacted me. I think I might take his job, but it's taking a bit longer for it to materialize. However, this job is in small town, Louisiana. The same small town that killed my romanticism 5-ish years ago.
It's a really really good opportunity. It would literally triple-quadruple my previous wage, and, I was not being paid minimum wage or anything. And he says eventually I'd be transferred to New Orleans, so at least I know I wouldn't be trapped in small town, USA.
I'm just.. scared I'll be alone forever.
So I'm trying to decide if I should text her again.
And I really, really shouldn't.
But... maybe.
ah I don't know anymore
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Hello new followers! You've been trickling in steadily over the last year & a half, so I figured it was time for a basic summary of the blog and some housekeeping notes. (Last updated 2/14/24)
I have 3 mental illnesses and more chronic physical illnesses than I feel like counting, so I use the appropriate awareness months as a MAJOR opportunity to share loads of info & memes on those months' subjects. Obviously I'll also share stuff about my physical illnesses and chronic illness in general whenever else I feel like it. From time to time I post info about mental illnesses I don't actually have, but I'm much more likely to post loads of content about the ones I do have.
I'm bisexual and strongly pro-LGBT rights, so I tend to share a lot on LGBT-related topics as they cross my radar. I will particularly go all-out on LGBT-related content during Pride Month. I'm also a liberal feminist woman who wishes health classes and sex ed were better, so you'll see lots of pro-choice stuff, general feminist stuff, and general female & reproductive health stuff on my blog. (Pronouns she/her if that wasn't clear.) I will sometimes post about other US political issues, but they're not really my focus.
As is probably blindingly obvious, I'm a religious Jew who supports Israel. NO, I most definitely DON'T blindly agree with all dominant Israeli politicians and policies or all Religious Zionist opinions; I'm appalled at the current political situation there. Please don't strawman me. I post a bunch about anti-Israel hate & media bias, occasionally some more upbeat stuff about Israel (political or otherwise), and some Jewish/Israeli history stuff. Leaning into the Judaism, if there is a holiday coming up I will spam you with stuff about it for days. I often share human interest pieces on Jewish celebrities or the intersection of Jewish culture and something else, stuff about the Holocaust and general antisemitism, and sometimes other things related to Jewish theology or culture. I will also sometimes discuss the intersections of Judaism and my blog's other themes. I do not post about internal Jewish community problems that just plain make us look bad, so while I have Strong Opinions about Jewish sex offender scandals & such that I will discuss in the appropriate spaces, I'm keeping those discussions off Tumblr cuz I don't need to give random antisemites any more fodder.
Other miscellany: I like to regularly share quotes that are motivational/inspirational without veering into toxic positivity, as well as quotes that I find just plain cool. I will sometimes share quotes from people with problematic worldviews or histories because I firmly believe that almost everyone can teach us something. I also reblog a heck of a lot of positive affirmations & reminders. Because of past & present social experiences, I love social/relationship skills content and some other relationship-related posts. Somehow I’ve shared very little personal stuff in the last 2 years, though I hope to share a bit more as it comes up.
Housekeeping notes:
I do not share my real name in public posts on this site. (It sure af ain't Mona!) This is my corner of the internet to post anonymously about stuff that could be awkward to share with others elsewhere, and find a community of like-minded individuals. I've shared some content here that I wouldn't feel comfortable being public knowledge, and lots that the average person just isn't gonna relate to or know how to respond to. Also, internet stranger danger!
If you see that there's an anti-Israel/antisemitic comment on one of my posts and I've ignored it, there are multiple potential reasons for that, but I'll probably appreciate if it you respond to it. I typically feel no need to have the last word in such discussions, but if this is an argument you feel like continuing, feel free! However, I will turn off commenting on the post if the argument devolves into effectively shouting past each other or ad hominem attacks.
Feel free to ask me stuff related to any of my blog topics! I rarely get asks that aren't hateful or trollish. I'm a perfectionist with bizarre circadian rhythms so I might not answer immediately, but once I've figured out what I want to say and worded it to my satisfaction I'll respond.
Consider this blog to have standing TWs for Holocaust, antisemitism, abuse mentions, swearing, and food. I'll probably individually TW-tag discussions of other obvious potential triggers, but I tend not to tag mere mentions of things, and I'm sure as hell not gonna try to tag every possible trigger I can think of. Frankly, if you need a TW for antisemitism you're probably in the wrong place.
Memes and infographics I post here are NOT my own creation. If the source isn't obvious somewhere in the picture (e.g. site logo at the bottom, creator signature, organization name in subheading) I'll try to post a link to where I found it. I'm not always great about source links, but I'm trying to get better.
DH = Dear Husband, in case you're not familiar with that abbreviation. It is 100% not sarcastic.
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I’m polyamorous&pansexual and I’m married to a cis-male, who claims he is polyamorous as well, but ... he set rules for me.
I’m not allowed to have male sexual relationships. Which is like putting me in a box. I’m so frustrated because I told him he is free to love whomever he wants.
But, I happened to find someone whom I connect with so very strongly, and unfortunately is a male. I’m now so very torn. Any advice?
~° Question °~
" I’m polyamorous&pansexual and I’m married to a cis-male, who claims he is polyamorous as well, but ... he set rules for me.
I’m not allowed to have male sexual relationships. Which is like putting me in a box. I’m so frustrated because I told him he is free to love whomever he wants.
But, I happened to find someone whom I connect with so very strongly, and unfortunately is a male. I’m now so very torn. Any advice? "
I'm not sure how long ago this was asked or if it's been resolved yet or not but... I've always been personally conflicted on how I feel about this type of situation. The answer is complicated and long so strap in 😂!
On one hand, he is allowed to have boundaries just as you are- on another, has he addressed or spoken about the *why* behind his comfort with you being in a same sex relationship vs. an opposite sex one? What about transmen or transwomen, does he view them differently as well and if so, why?
OPP or OVP (one penis or one vagina policy as the term is often coined as, I'm unsure if there is an intersex version for the term) is often seen as incredibly negative and toxic behavior, fueled by a mixture of unchecked jealousy, lack of consideration to the love style of the partner that is actively being restricted, loss of personal autonomy in terms of feeling forced to not persue relationships you're truly wanting to have and many more very valid reasons as for why this is such a looked down upon relationship 'policy'.
There are several ways to go about addressing the situation, and all of them are going to put both of you out of a comfort zone in some way.
- Converse with each other:
Long, time consuming and repeat conversations over an extended period of time to attempt to get to the root of the reason for the implementation of the 'policy' that he's placed on you. Why he thinks he has carte blanche to decide this for you when you are clearly uncomfortable with it just as much as he is uncomfortable with the potential of you having another male partner. Discussing the ways in which he feels insecure and you feel insecure, most jealousy (which is an entirely normal human emotion) is from a place of internal conflict/insecurities/self-image/etc. He may feel threatened by having another male in your life romantically/sexually, he may feel a million different things about it but you'll never know if you never have those conversations and you might want to be willing to put it to him that way too if you're feeling at your wits end or if he's shutting down conversation on the topic. It might be good to text conversation to each other about it also/instead as well so that way you both have time to think about your responses to one another and you aren't pressured by a sense of urgency in a timed response. Make sure you both feel safe in the discussion.
-Consider your options moving forward:
Consider whether this relationship is something you want to continue into the future or something you want to end. Obviously you're asking this so I'm gonna assume you want to stay in the relationship, but weigh the option seriously as to whether or not you think that you can either work through this with your partner or put up with it; I say put up with instead of agree with because you are interested in starting a relationship with someone else and are frustrated that though you've given him full freedom in love life decision making, you did not receive the same in return. Ask how he would feel if he was put into your position, discuss instead of argue, there's no need for aggression but honesty is vital. Perhaps he isn't polyam and is simply some form of non-monogamous only time and personal reflection will tell.
People tend to suggest (from what I've seen in the community) immediately giving up on these kinds of relationships because of the heartache that may come with it, but they never address how much heartache you will face when ending or changing the status of your relationship as well. Don't let the sunken cost fallacy or what not hold you back from what could be your promising future with another, but after a certain point if you feel the relationship is not working out then make whatever decisions you see fit. Alternatively to remember, personal growth or mutual growth are both painful, exhausting, and an ebb and flow of a myriad of emotions. You aren't confined to a box unless you want to be in that box, you may have to make a decision from an ultimatum come worst case scenario, but the decision is still ultimately yours to make.
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cried at work today. feels appropriate to revive this blog i guess
my cousin killed himself last november. my uncle is someone who is important enough that people gossip about him and his family. my at work we had a birthday lunch thing and my coworker, who is an asshole but i hardly ever see him luckily, or have to interact with him him, just excitedly announced, and very loudly, to all the gathered coworkers
"HEY HAVE YOU HEARD THAT [uncle]'s SON KILLED HIMSELF????"
for no reason, nothing prompted that. just a casual conversation starter at these, always kinda awkward, gathering of coworkers.
Now, he didn't know that he was my cousin of course. I mean I have mentioned him being my uncle occasionally, when the topic of his profession came up. And we share a last name, so a person with more than three braincells could have maybe guessed we are related. I don't have a rare last name.
I think he even called him by his last name, but I'm not sure, I rushed out at that point, no one questioned it.
our office space is arranged as a circle, so there is only one single office that is actually closed off and that you can't walk through accidentally. it's not my office. but i hid in it, mostly everyone else was at the lunch, but one coworker saw me visibly upset and came to comfort me. which is very nice and i appreciate it.
anyway i calmed down enough to join them again. but i was messed up all day. went and bought a pack of razor blades, went to work on my leg when i got home.
it's rare for me nowadays to actually SH so i always forget how good it makes me feel. And, fresh, new, sharp blades.... gliding through my skin like a warmed knive through butter. Love how easy it still is to take them apart, out of their plasic encasing, how tricky it was the first time, how good I got at it over the years... how casual i still feel about it.
I'm 25 now, I have real job, my own apartment, buy groceries... and I still haven't completely gotten away from this dirty habit i started a decade ago.
I'm not sure how mentally well I am lately. Been worse, that's for sure. been better, too. The winter was rough. My cousin killed himself on the first day of my vacation. Also, I was weirdly sick as well. Had something like long covid, had a flu or cold or something and then felt fatigued for weeks afterwards, got a fever occasionally again, too. Not nice. Was also close to burnout I guess. Or maybe it was due to the fatigue. Spiced up with a bit of seasonal depression, too, I'm sure.
it's better now, but i'm honestly not great. even before the incident today... i'm once more back in a place where i just feel kinda devoid of emotions. i feel incapable of feeling. it was in some way a nice thing today, feeling so strongly upset, getting actually triggered in the true sense of the word. having a cry, even if it was an awkward, rushed office cry. but it was an emotion. i feel like a robot or a puppet and the puppetmaster, pulling my own strings and emoting the way i feel i should but it's all fake and acted
and girl this ain't my first rodeo. i've been here so many times, in this exact headspace. i know i'm not gonna kill myself because of this even though i still think about doing that most days - but I mean, I think about killing myself even during my best times. it's more of a habit, an innate reaction, at this point than any serious desire. but flirting with self destruction once more.... it's nice and familiar and warm. old friend welcoming me back. saying "i missed you too"
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ASK ME ANYTHING* (Ask Guidelines)
Since I started getting so many asks, I thought it might be handy to lay out some guidelines.
So, if you wanna send an ask, please do! But also please bear the following 7 points in mind:
• I Can’t Always Reply Straight Away
If you've sent me an ask and it seems like I've taken a while to get to it, there's probably a couple possible reasons for that:
Though I do try to answer most asks I get, I have a job and a social life and other hobbies beyond my music blog, which take up time in the day, so sometimes it will take me a while to get to a particular ask.
I also often receive several asks at a time, and I don't always have the energy to answer them all at once; it can sometimes feel a bit like I've got this guy constantly popping up in my inbox:
Plus, I try to space out answering asks anyway so that if people are scrolling through my blog they actually get to see the content I post and aren't just faced with a never-ending wall of Q&As. (With certain circumstantial exceptions, such as when we did 'guess my top ten bands')
It will especially take me a while to answer asks if they have some sort of link, or recommendation, or 'what's your opinion on [x song/x band], which will mean I have to find the time to actually check out the thing I'm being asked about — also see the 'Links' point further down.
It will also take me a while if I receive an ask about a topic that is complex, or that I have mixed opinions on, in which case I'll want to take some time to formulate a comprehensive response. Or even a topic that I don't have any opinions on and I might be unsure how to answer it without seeming blunt.
• Recommendations Are Great, But:
If you want to send me a recommendation that is absolutely a-ok, but do be prepared for the eventuality that I might not love it, I might have a subdued or meh reaction, I might even flat-out dislike it. I give my honest opinion of everything I’m sent, and sometimes it’s not gonna line up with your own, and that’s fine. This blog is for my music taste, which might not be exactly the same as yours
• It’s "Tomsmusictaste" For A Reason
Its no accident that I named my blog Tomsmusictaste. I am Tom, one singular person running this blog, which is specifically about my taste in music. Not everyoneelsesmusictaste, not popularpoppunkbandblog, at the end of the day it is made by me for me.
If you don’t like something I posted, or if you think I should be posting more of a certain artist, or if I left an artist you like off some sort of compilation post or list, well - not to be brusque, but tough shit ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If you like an artist that strongly, you are well within your rights to make your own side-blog and post about them. In fact I wholeheartedly encourage it! I mean that is pretty much what I did when I made this blog. Plus, there are so many de-activated/unactive pop-punk blogs on here, it’d be great if there were more of them out there. You have that power!
Also falling under this point is, y'know, I am always gonna be more responsive to asks about bands/artists that I actually do already post about, and I will probably have more interesting or things to say about them.
• Negativity & Discourse Won’t Be Answered
I have said time and again that that blog is for positivity, it is my hobby for celebrating the bands and music that I like, and it is not for discourse or negativity — so if I receive an ask that does seem loaded, or steeped in discourse, or is putting down a band/artist, I am far less likely to answer, and in fact probably won't. As I said in my WWWY Tier List video:
So basically, I'm not gonna answer any ask that evokes this reaction:
Questions Are Better Than Statements
It's better if you actually have a question - sometimes people will send me just sort of a statement, and it's harder to come up with a real response to that. Not saying you can't do that, but there is always the possibility you'll be hit with that McDonalds drive-through meme.
Screenshots Are Better Than Links
If you have, say, a funny tweet or similar that you wanna send to me, knock yourself out! But I will generally be waayy more responsive if you screenshot it and then put the screenshot in my ask box — that just saves everyone a bunch of hassle for clicking through links.
I have this box checked, y’know. It’s something that you can do. It’s, it’s allowed. Encouraged, even.
At the very least, put a little bit of info about what the link is, if it's something that can't be screen-shotted. If i'm sent a hyperlink without context, or with just 'what are your thoughts on this?,' chances or I'm probably not gonna open it.
In addition, I flat-out will not be opening tiktok links from now on. I'm with the boomers on this one, just, don't send me tiktoks.
And finally, the most important rule is Have Fun
I don’t wanna seem like I’m being fun-policey here, but this blog has to be fun for me too y'know. Since I started receiving way more asks that I used to, just thought a sort of guideline master-post might be useful.
My side-blog is my hobby and ultimately I will run it in the way that brings me the most joy. I certainly do enjoy receiving asks and engaging and interacting with people who share a love of the same music I do, but it's also true that I am not obligated to answer asks that I don’t want to — don't let this discourage you from sending asks!
But it's all just just something to bear in mind, and I ask that folks accept and respect that 🖤🤘
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Ok so, hey there Ninjago Fandom.
This may seem a bit strange to say hello to a fandom but this is a necessary thing I feel I need to do.
As you have probably guessed from the name of this blog, this is going to be a blog full of personal ninjago takes that I frankly do not feel comfortable about sharing on my main.
Why?
This fandom has a pretty shockingly vocal "anti" fanbase and these are my own opinions that I'd rather not clog my own blog up with. Plus these are opinions that I know may cause some certain types of individuals to get extremely heated about it.
(And for your information, no, this isn't a troll blog and I'm not seeking attention or trying to attack people)
Some people may see this as cowardly, but frankly the fact I need to do this just goes to show how dumb the whole thing is.
Now, onto an introduction
You may call me H.T if for some reason you need to call me something. I've been in fandom culture for a pretty long ass time, long enough to know the old language of fandom culture and that a lot of recent fandom culture and discourse has made me feel old and jaded. I am Biromantic and. Asexual as fuck and have a perpetual burntout state that I'm trying to work through.
I am also in some regards a Proshipper. Figured I'd be upfront and blatant about that cause I'm pretty much gonna assume you guys will label me as one straight off the bat and don't really give a crap if you do. I'm kinda expecting trolls at this point.
This blog will be primarily a Ninjago opinion blog, I've been in and out of this fandom for several years and frankly, I can't tell if anything has changed fandom wise. I am not an avid shipper and I much prefer the found family/friendship dynamic over romantic ships in this place, doesn't mean I don't enjoy some of the art that gets produced though and do have my opinions for some of the canon and noncanon ships.
Finally to finish off this short introduction, I am just going to remind you of what I said earlier.
This blog is gonna be a place that contains certain topics I know this fandom has a dislike and annoyance for. I am going to be talking about my opinions of those topics and I honestly want to encourage others to talk about them as well. If you can't handle the idea of an open discussion or feel extremely uncomfortable about these discussed ideas, I strongly advise you to block me at your own discression. I will change, remove or add tags if any of my discussion contains triggers that are harmful, but I will not be removing opinions of certain things from this blog because people are being narrowminded dumbasses.
I will also be keeping my askbox open and will be encouraging people to ask me questions or even share opinions of their own via ask, and to that reason I will be keeping the anon option avaible to those who just want to keep their identity hidden.
I'm not here to cause mayhem and sow discord, I just want to encourage conversation in this fandom where it seems like a foreign concept. Albiet, its not that horrible considering the things that have happened in other fandoms, but I'm not comfortable to engage in fandom culture in this one I will say.
So, are we clear?
If you don't like what you're reading, block me. In old fandom speak we call that "Don't like, don't read"
Now....let's try to have a conversation okay?
- H.T
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I wanna talk about how Félix figuring out that Gabriel is ShadowMoth in "Gabriel Agreste" isn't actually as impressive of a detective work as we initially thought. Because Félix seems to be well aware that he (and Adrien as "Félix" strongly implies in hindsight) is a Sentimonster, so Gabriel being ShadowMoth who is the person now in possession of the peacock miraculous while also having been partners with Mayura pre s4 as Félix finds out at the very least in this episode through Alyas video, is not far fetched at all. I would even say it's quite logical:
Who is more likely to use the peacock miraculous then your own shady ass family when you know you and your cousin were CREATED with that miraculous power?
Mayura wasn't present in "Félix" and concidering that Félix lives in London I think it's fair to assume that for a character, in their second episode of being anywhere close to around the main conflict of the show, it is fair to have them gain such knowledge ON SCREEN. Then quickly afterwards Félix happens to see the camouflaged Miraculous beneath Gabriel's tie and suddenly Félix suspecting Gabriel to be ShadowMoth actually makes too much sense
Also, Félix is shown to only actually show interest to things related to the peacock miraculous (which is also the only one that really sticks out in the picture above). The rings, ShadowMoth (not Hawkmoth), SentiGabe, Emilie and in one of the leaks for an upcoming episode we see Félix will steal the fake peacock miraculous as Adrien that Gabriel layed out as a trap for him
And this may be my subjective feelings on Félix now, but until I actually see it on screen I'm not convinced Félix is gonna take the fake butterfly too. I honestly don't think Félix gives much of a crap about that and is just after everything peacock related for honestly understandable reasons:
Look Félix is a Sentimonster and seems to be well WELL aware of that, it's absolutely fine that this is then the only Miraculous this character is narratively fixated on and it also explains why Félix had no problem working with Hawkmoth in "Félix" to get the rings from Gabriel - Félix doesn't care for Hawkmoth or the butterfly miraculous, he's only here for the Peacock Miraculous related stuff (Félix is in this regard actually once again the perfect parallel to Adrien in "The Collector" who was convinced his father actually could be Hawkmoth because of his strong gut feeling towards his father (whereas Félix is provided with all the information and clues to find it out on a material level but things escalated into the dangerous mess now because Félix lacks the crucial understanding of Gabriel as a PERSON that Adrien has) and the suspicious butterflies in their home validate whatever little legit proof he gets (the collector and Chat Blanc). But this is a huge topic for another day. I guess I'm putting this on the long list of essay posts I want to write/finish, huh? x3)
#miraculous ladybug#ml spoilers#miraculous#adrien agreste#chat noir#gabriel agreste#hawkmoth#ShadowMoth#félix graham de vanily#ml theory#ml speculation#Ml leaks#Ml episode: Gabriel Agreste#ml the collector#Ml season 4#Adrien is a Sentimonster#Félix is a Sentimonster and knows it#And of Adrien as Félix first episode implicates in hindsight
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I'm intrigued by Love is Science? but know nothing about it. Can you give me a run down on what kind of thing to expect and who it might appeal to? Thank you!! 😁
Ooooo boi *gremlin smile* I'm glad you asked. You've entered the dragon's den, broken the dam and thus this post turned out to be a monster so I'm gonna link here another post from @accidentallyadramablog which imo gives a nice (and short) overview.
That said let's get into
Love is Science?
Summary :
Yan Fei is a the CEO of the Love is Science marriage agency, that matches people based on scientific data. Hsuan Yu, 8 years younger than her, is a promising young hairstylist who has been in love with her thoughout their entire childhood when she has only ever seen him like a little brother.
Unexpectedly they meet again. Between the way they've each built their lives and how Yong Yan Fei's ex husband still looms over Yan Fei's life, how will their relationship develop this time around ?
Now,
just reading that summary I know what you're thinking.
Indeed, if you have some experience with dramas, you might recognize some TYPICAL TYPICAL tropes – let's get them out of the way :
love triangle (though we all know who she is going to end up with don't we)
childhood friends
'noona romance'
And they are every bit as present and as trope-ey as you would expect.
However, as they say, the devil is in the details.
And particularly, in the side characters. Let me give you a quick rundown of the lot of them :
As such, we follow the stories of multiple relationships that develop parallel to one another.
The relationships
• Yan Fei/ Hsuan Yu : Not much needs to be added I think. Their storyline might be the most predictable but they are pretty sweet and heartwarming. pining for like 12 years though poor Hsuan Yu. Anyway you can enjoy it or find it boring or but you can't hate it.
• Mark/Ouwen : Noooow we're getting to it. Their dynamic is so... Refreshing and unique. Confident gay with a soft heart and dumb disaster bisexual I mean *chef kiss*👌delicious
After the disasters of their first meetings, it's a cat and dog relationship where Ouwen is the hsssssss don't touch me– cat and Mark is the golden retriever trailing after him not really realizing the rampage he's creating in Ouwen's heart. while Ouwen is like "Remind me why the FUCK I caught feelings again ?".
IDK it just has everything 'Enemies' to friends to lovers, (not actually) unrequited love, pining, sweet moments, jealousy, feelings realization, snarky banter... What more could one want.
• Cho Nai Hui / You Fu : they are. So. So sweet. Both are older and have experience, and as such they are not so naive or stupid as the youngsters. Them sharing their life experiences and going on dates like typically teenagers (in movies or TV shows anyway) would is refreshing to see and really really heartwarming.
• Liu Sheng Ying/ ??? Her ex ? : The show hinted at a wlw storyline and this arc seems to have JUST begun. Basically Sheng Ying's ex comes to Love is Science as a client and requests Sheng Ying as an advisor, while Sheng Ying still seems heartbroken over her. I can't WAIT to see how it develops.
The friendships :
Something I greatly appreciate is that both the romantic relationships AND the friendships have a great importance in the drama.
• Joanna and Yan Fei : Jo, queen Jo 👑. She's just here to gossip, get all the gossip and be the voice of reason and we love her for it. You can see how comfortable they are around each other and how they were there for each other during tough times and still are. Kudos to the actresses because I believed the characters were besties in a heartbeat.
• Hsuan Yu and Mark : they are honestly... Such polar opposites you kinda wonder how they became friends but they are and it works perfectly.
Hsuan Yu still hasn't gotten he maybe shouldn't take Mark's advice, and Mark still hasn't gotten that he, definitely should take Hsuan Yu's. It also enables to develop a more playful and mischievous side to Hsuan Yu, giving him more depth?
• Ouwen and Sheng Ying: rivalry to reluctant solidarity to friends-but-i-will-deny-it-if-asked to just friends. IT'S GREAT
I also ejoy the fact that these multiple storylines are allowed to coexist. The romantic ones, the friendships, older, younger, m/f m/m and f/f like take your pick !! And tbh a WLW storyline ?????? These are so scarce I will take anything.
The recurring themes :
The show more or less subtly touches on some topics/issues, to which the dating aspect contributes to.
A non exhaustive list would be
Divorce, and how divorced women can be viewed as failures for some reason
How successful men over 30 are sought after but successful women after 30 are somehow deemed undatable
Preconceived notions and homophobia
And beyond the topics, there's just things like... Joanna not being interested in long term relationships nor wanting to get married, reporting sexual harassment, older people going on dates.... I'm not saying it's a groundbreaking activist drama –which is not really what I was looking for– I just appreciate the fact that it is a pretty mainstream drama and that these things are there.
Mad respect if you've made it up to here ! but we're not quite done yet.
The cast and crew :
The other element that made this drama stand out for me besides the side characters is the cast.
It might be weird that such a meta thing impacts the appreciation of the show but it did, for me at least.
📣📣TMI WARNING 📣📣
For me what happened is I stumbled onto Mark and Ouwen cuts on YouTube, then somehow onto the behind the scenes. They weren't subbed at the time so I could barely understand a word of what they were saying, thus I'm not sure what but something about how the rest of the actors, the director and the crew were interacting just told me it was a show worth watching or at least checking out.
📣📣END OF TMI📣📣
The cast honestly seems to have a blast and to have, how to say it, come together really well. It seems like most of them have become genuinely friends, or despite differences in personality have truly enjoyed working with one another and with the rest of the crew, and it shows.
Where it's lacking
In my opinion the show does have some aspects where it underperforms.
As previously mentioned, the main plot is kinda tropey, furthermore, in a drama typical fashion when something is about to get resolved, immediately something else happens. Nothing unexpected from a drama though.
The pacing : Some moments of the main plot especially dragged on, so I admit I skipped through some parts.
Because I feel so strongly about all the characters though, I don't really mind the previously mentioned points. I just think it's a shame because I feel like if it had been crafted a little bit better it could have made the show go from an 8/10 good drama to an 11/10 friggin amazing drama easy.
Lastly, there is a pretty unequal time distribution so Yan Fei and Hsuan Yu do tend to occupy the most part of an episode. However some episodes are more centered on some pairings (like ep 11 that will probably have an important Mark/Ouwen part).
Overall
it's a drama that warms my heart, as simple as that. It's not that deep, it's pretty funny, the acting ranges from good to excellent and I have taken a liking to a lot of the characters, which is what I think fuels my interest for the drama.
And I feel like it managed to attract a wide range of audiences because the romances and relationships are so diverse. Whether you watch the show for its entirety or for one aspect/storyline/character is entirely up to you and I feel like the creators of the drama are aware of it as well : and you can easily find subbed compilations about each specific pairing on Settv's official YouTube channel.
Take that aspect that you like–if you find one of course–and enjoy it, that is all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
What's left to say besides.... 🎉🎊 Congratulations for making it to the end of this lengthy post !
#I add a tmi warning in the middle as if this entire post wasn't one lengthy tmi lol#long post#love is science?#戀愛是科學#lian ai shi ke xue#tw drama#taiwan drama#taiwanese drama#honestly thank you for this opportunity to talk about it#it made me happy heh heh heh#oh and if anyone else of the 15 people who like the show want to add stuff share your thoughts or highjack this post go ahead#lis?
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sure i do! (posting screenshot of ask for easier formatting)
(also, i have a whump headcannons ask that i've been compiling the response to for the past weeks (anon who asked, i'm so sorry it's taking so long, i'm not ignoring your ask), so this one will focus strictly on everything OTHER than whump.)
- he often bites his nails when stressed, or even just bored (or when he has no cigar on hand. he has a thing for chewing/nibbling on things). stopping himself from doing it is one of the reasons he wears gloves (other than for warmth and to shield his hands from damage), as having his nails bit too short is painful and can make his work almost impossible. (saying this as a nail biter. you literally CANNOT use a finger that you bit the nail of too short)
- speaking of stimming, aside from biting things, he uses the compass around his neck as a stim toy. it's useless around him, as his own magnetic field renders it impossible to point north as it should, but he'll often play with it by making it spin through altering his field. it requires both focus and a small bit of physical effort, effectively taking his mind off whatever's stressing him, at least for a short bit until he gets bored.
- he thinks he can cook, but anyone who's ever tried his cooking strongly disagrees. while his techniques are okay, like he doesn't burn or undercook stuff, the things he makes are borderline inedible. (he once made a party cheese salad for a family meeting and lowkey bonded with moreau over him being the only one to like the atrocity)
- he's the youngest of the lords (with the age order being alcina>moreau>donna>karl). donna looks younger than him, however it's mostly because of his healing factor being worse than the others', making him actually age (even if very slow) instead of being stuck in time.
- he DESPISES family meetings, along with the family dinners miranda keeps insisting on (which take place either at the castle or at donna's place, as moreau's reservoir and the factory are unsuited for that to say the least), but the latter's redeeming factor is that, if he's lucky, he gets a unique opportunity to fuck with alcina. which usually means eating her out of house and home (using the fact that she's too proud of her good manners to refuse a guest), getting drunk, wrecking her house (muddy boots who?) and then passing out somewhere. it gives him the opportunity to make himself her problem and he loves that. (i've actually started work on a comic a few weeks ago where alcina kicks karl off a random couch she finds him on (in a food coma), a shitposty thing with a SLIGHTLY wholesome-ish ending (as wholesome as alcina gets), but it was taking so long that i just gave up at some point. though, if any of y'all would like to see it finished, let me know, it'd be easier to motivate myself to do it if i knew anyone actually wanted me to lol)
- he holds animals close to his heart but would hate to admit it, in fear of appearing weak or soft. claims that he lets the one (1) cat stay in his factory ONLY because it helps with rats, totally not for company because he's a sad lonely man, what are you talking about.
-he's neither a cat or dog person, he likes both equally, but it'd be far harder to keep a dog in his quarters, seeing as it would require both more space and regular walks + playtime, while a cat is perfectly happy with just getting to sleep on him at night (in terms of contact/bonding).
- though, while he doesn't have a dog, he lowkey treats the lycans as such. keeps them under his control solely through giving them dog treats he buys from the duke. (took him a long time and lots of claw/teeth injuries to figure that out, but hey, better late than never).
--warning: the next few paragraphs discuss weight insecurity and body dysmorphia. i'll let you know when the segment ends so you can skip it if it's triggering or makes you uncomfortable--
- he's insecure about his body, both the scars littered across it and his weight. the first can't be helped and he's aware of it, however the latter TECHNICALLY CAN be and thus it bothers him far more. he used to be in a better shape, both mentally and physically, before his life was completely consumed by his work and plans of the rebellion, however these days, he just can't afford to focus on keeping himself in shape (he doesn't have the time and energy to exercise outside of the weight lifting he has to do while working, and same goes for taking care of his diet. cooking and eating balanced food takes too much time and energy, making him resort to whatever is the quickest to make and will keep him going through the day). he feels intense discomfort when looking at younger pictures of himself, he can't help but feel that he has "let himself go" in the recent years, however simultanously doesn't have the time and energy to do anything about it. it's frustrating and makes him feel out of control.
- alcina once touched on the topic while arguing with him, and it fucked him up. up until then he clang onto the small bit of hope that maybe noone has noticed the changes in his body, that maybe it was just him that was hypersensitive to it and in reality it wasn't that visible, and alcina's comment instantly shattered it. not only did she notice, but she apparently considered it worthy of using against him. there goes his last bit of confidence.
- it was one of the very few times she has seen him actually cry (before storming off to hide himself in his factory). it was also one of the few times she had apologized to him. she has made comments about his height and general looks before, and it never seemed to bother him, he always retorded back with a snarky remark targeted back at her, so she truly thought he had no insecurity issues- but this time, for the first time, he just looked hurt, almost disbelieving, and ran away without a word. it made her initial anger melt away instantly, realizing what she did. she ran after him a few minutes later, hoping it wasn't too late and she hadn't done unreversable damage. the whole incident was a major blow to her ego, especially as she was forced to beg karl over the intercom to let her in, but she wouldn't have forgiven herself if she didn't tell him that she was sorry and didn't mean it. she had to admit to herself that it truly was a low blow and she couldn't let herself be carried away like this ever again.
- karl's confidence never really healed from the incident, it's not something he can just forget. but he did get a kick out of having alcina beg for forgiveness, so he considers at least that to be an upside of the whole thing.
--weight/body dysmorphia discussion ends here--
- he gets sensory overloads easily, especially from loud noise, making him snappy if there's too many people talking/making noise. he also often has issues with things touching him when he's already stressed - due to this, he keeps a hairband in his pocket at all times (to keep his hair out of his face), and has tied the belt of his trench coat behind his back so it wouldn't touch his arms while moving around (that one is actually part of his character model). having things hanging off him irritates him greatly.
- he has a tendency to cling onto/hug whatever is in his reach while he's asleep. usually it's a pillow or his blanket, but it's also a risk one should be aware of when choosing to sleep in one bed with him. you're gonna wake up in a death grip. and he's a heavy sleeper, so don't even think about going to the bathroom.
- speaking of physical affection, he loves massages, they're one of his favorite types of affection to receive. any kind of them, really. he's sore most of the time, so a bit of relief is always greatly appreciated. back/shoulders after a long day of work, tummy if his cadou is bothering him or his eating habits fucked him over again, maybe even hands if he's worked manually for too long and his palms are starting to cramp. it's all really appreciated. (another factor contributing to why he likes them is that they're completely selfless acts of affection. his partner isn't getting anything out of it (like they would with anything sexual or romantic), its only purpose is to help him feel better. makes him feel loved.)
- speaking of, he literally cried the first time ethan gave him a shoulder rub. feeling the decades worth of pain, tiredness and muscle strain that he didn't realize he felt finally fade, be washed away, made his eyes water, he couldn't help it. it wasn't long after they had moved in together (as roommates, since karl had nowhere to go), and to karl, it felt like an affirmation that it's over, he can relax, he can rest now. no need to keep overworking himself, to keep not letting himself ever catch a break because "he might like it too much and stop chasing his goal", to keep doing anything to keep himself going for years on end despite knowing it's ruining his body. it's done, it's over, he finally deserves a rest. it made ethan deeply confused and concerned before karl sobbed out why he's crying.
these are all for now, i think! at least all that comes to mind at the moment. if you'd like me to talk about headcannons on a specific subject/topic (or expand on any of these ones), let me know! i'm sure to think of something that i haven't already, or forgot to write down. i just love talking about headcannons, man.
#this bitch took me 2 hours to write i really hope you like it#resident evil village#resident evil 8#karl heisenberg#alcina dimitrescu#lady dimitrescu#headcannons#long post
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