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icedbatik · 17 days

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I saw this opinion piece in the New York Times and, while I don't normally copy and paste entire newspaper articles, this is an excellent (if scary) read.

Aside from the sections on how much lack of consent there is in today's sexual landscape, hockey fans -- who should be well aware of the dangers of concussions -- might take particular note of the section in which "choking" during sex is linked to brain damage on par with concussion damage.

The Troubling Trend in Teenage Sex

April 12, 2024

By Peggy Orenstein

Debby Herbenick is one of the foremost researchers on American sexual behavior. The director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and the author of the pointedly titled book “Yes, Your Kid,” she usually shares her data, no matter how explicit, without judgment. So I was surprised by how concerned she seemed when we checked in on Zoom recently: “I haven’t often felt so strongly about getting research out there,” she told me. “But this is lifesaving.”

For the past four years, Dr. Herbenick has been tracking the rapid rise of “rough sex” among college students, particularly sexual strangulation, or what is colloquially referred to as choking. Nearly two-thirds of women in her most recent campus-representative survey of 5,000 students at an anonymized “major Midwestern university” said a partner had choked them during sex (one-third in their most recent encounter). The rate of those women who said they were between the ages 12 and 17 the first time that happened had shot up to 40 percent from one in four.

As someone who’s been writing for well over a decade about young people’s attitudes and early experience with sex in all its forms, I’d also begun clocking this phenomenon. I was initially startled in early 2020 when, during a post-talk Q. and A. at an independent high school, a 16-year-old girl asked, “How come boys all want to choke you?” In a different class, a 15-year-old boy wanted to know, “Why do girls all want to be choked?” They do? Not long after, a college sophomore (and longtime interview subject) contacted me after her roommate came home in tears because a hookup partner, without warning, had put both hands on her throat and squeezed.

I started to ask more, and the stories piled up. Another sophomore confided that she enjoyed being choked by her boyfriend, though it was important for a partner to be “properly educated” — pressing on the sides of the neck, for example, rather than the trachea. (Note: There is no safe way to strangle someone.) A male freshman said “girls expected” to be choked and, even though he didn’t want to do it, refusing would make him seem like a “simp.” And a senior in high school was angry that her friends called her “vanilla” when she complained that her boyfriend had choked her.

Sexual strangulation, nearly always of women in heterosexual pornography, has long been a staple on free sites, those default sources of sex ed for teens. As with anything else, repeat exposure can render the once appalling appealing. It’s not uncommon for behaviors to be normalized in porn, move within a few years to mainstream media, then, in what may become a feedback loop, be adopted in the bedroom or the dorm room.

Choking, Dr. Herbenick said, seems to have made that first leap in a 2008 episode of Showtime’s “Californication,” where it was still depicted as outré, then accelerated after the success of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” By 2019, when a high school girl was choked in the pilot of HBO’s “Euphoria,” it was standard fare. A young woman was choked in the opener of “The Idol” (again on HBO and also, like “Euphoria,” created by Sam Levinson; what’s with him?). Ali Wong plays the proclivity for laughs in a Netflix special, and it’s a punchline in Tina Fey’s new “Mean Girls.” The chorus of Jack Harlow’s “Lovin On Me,” which topped Billboard’s Hot 100 chart for six nonconsecutive weeks this winter and has been viewed over 99 million times on YouTube, starts with, “I’m vanilla, baby, I’ll choke you, but I ain’t no killer, baby.” How-to articles abound on the internet, and social media algorithms feed young people (but typically not their unsuspecting parents) hundreds of #chokemedaddy memes along with memes that mock — even celebrate — the potential for hurting or killing female partners.

I’m not here to kink-shame (or anything-shame). And, anyway, many experienced BDSM practitioners discourage choking, believing it to be too dangerous. There are still relatively few studies on the subject, and most have been done by Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues. Reports among adolescents are now trickling out from the United Kingdom, Australia, Iceland, New Zealand and Italy.

Twenty years ago, sexual asphyxiation appears to have been unusual among any demographic, let alone young people who were new to sex and iffy at communication. That’s changed radically in a short time, with health consequences that parents, educators, medical professionals, sexual consent advocates and teens themselves urgently need to understand.

Sexual trends can spread quickly on campus and, to an extent, in every direction. But, at least among straight kids, I’ve sometimes noticed a pattern: Those that involve basic physical gratification — like receiving oral sex in hookups — tend to favor men. Those that might entail pain or submission, like choking, are generally more for women.

So, while undergrads of all genders and sexualities in Dr. Herbenick’s surveys report both choking and being choked, straight and bisexual young women are far more likely to have been the subjects of the behavior; the gap widens with greater occurrences. (In a separate study, Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues found the behavior repeated across the United States, particularly for adults under 40, and not just among college students.) Alcohol may well be involved, and while the act is often engaged in with a steady partner, a quarter of young women said partners they’d had sex with on the day they’d met also choked them.

Either way, most say that their partners never or only sometimes asked before grabbing their necks. For many, there had been moments when they couldn’t breathe or speak, compromising the ability to withdraw consent, if they’d given it. No wonder that, in a separate study by Dr. Herbenick, choking was among the most frequently listed sex acts young women said had scared them, reporting that it sometimes made them worry whether they’d survive.

Among girls and women I’ve spoken with, many did not want or like to be sexually strangled, though in an otherwise desired encounter they didn’t name it as assault. Still, a sizable number were enthusiastic; they requested it. It is exciting to feel so vulnerable, a college junior explained. The power dynamic turns her on; oxygen deprivation to the brain can trigger euphoria.

That same young woman, incidentally, had never climaxed with a partner: While the prevalence of choking has skyrocketed, rates of orgasm among young women have not increased, nor has the “orgasm gap” disappeared among heterosexual couples. “It indicates they’re not doing other things to enhance female arousal or pleasure,” Dr. Herbenick said.

When, for instance, she asked one male student who said he choked his partner whether he’d ever tried using a vibrator instead, he recoiled. “Why would I do that?” he asked.

Perhaps, she responded, because it would be more likely to produce orgasm without risking, you know, death.

In my interviews, college students have seen male orgasm as a given; women’s is nice if it happens, but certainly not expected or necessarily prioritized (by either partner). It makes sense, then, that fulfillment would be less the motivator for choking than appearing adventurous or kinky. Such performances don’t always feel good.

“Personally, my hypothesis is that this is one of the reasons young people are delaying or having less sex,” Dr. Herbenick said. “Because it’s uncomfortable and weird and scary. At times some of them literally think someone is assaulting them but they don’t know. Those are the only sexual experiences for some people. And it’s not just once they’ve gotten naked. They’ll say things like, ‘I’ve only tried to make out with someone once because he started choking and hitting me.’”

Keisuke Kawata, a neuroscientist at Indiana University’s School of Public Health, was one of the first researchers to sound the alarm on how the cumulative, seemingly inconsequential, sub-concussive hits football players sustain (as opposed to the occasional hard blow) were key to triggering C.T.E., the degenerative brain disease. He’s a good judge of serious threats to the brain. In response to Dr. Herbenick’s work, he’s turning his attention to sexual strangulation. “I see a similarity” to C.T.E., he told me, “though the mechanism of injury is very different.” In this case, it is oxygen-blocking pressure to the throat, frequently in light, repeated bursts of a few seconds each.

Strangulation — sexual or otherwise — often leaves few visible marks and can be easily overlooked as a cause of death. Those whose experiences are nonlethal rarely seek medical attention, because any injuries seem minor: Young women Dr. Herbenick studied mostly reported lightheadedness, headaches, neck pain, temporary loss of coordination and ear ringing. The symptoms resolve, and all seems well. But, as with those N.F.L. players, the true effects are silent, potentially not showing up for days, weeks, even years.

According to the American Academy of Neurology, restricting blood flow to the brain, even briefly, can cause permanent injury, including stroke and cognitive impairment. In M.R.I.s conducted by Dr. Kawata and his colleagues (including Dr. Herbenick, who is a co-author of his papers on strangulation), undergraduate women who have been repeatedly choked show a reduction in cortical folding in the brain compared with a never-choked control group. They also showed widespread cortical thickening, an inflammation response that is associated with elevated risk of later-onset mental illness. In completing simple memory tasks, their brains had to work far harder than the control group, recruiting from more regions to achieve the same level of accuracy.

The hemispheres in the choked group’s brains, too, were badly skewed, with the right side hyperactive and the left underperforming. A similar imbalance is associated with mood disorders — and indeed in Dr. Herbenick’s surveys girls and women who had been choked were more likely than others (or choked men) to have experienced overwhelming anxiety, as well as sadness and loneliness, with the effect more pronounced as the incidence rose: Women who had experienced more than five instances of choking were two and a half times as likely as those who had never been choked to say they had been so depressed within the previous 30 days they couldn’t function. Whether girls and women with mental health challenges are more likely to seek out (or be subjected to) choking, choking causes mood disorders, or some combination of the two is still unclear. But hypoxia, or oxygen deprivation — judging by what research has shown about other types of traumatic brain injury — could be a contributing factor. Given the soaring rates of depression and anxiety among young women, that warrants concern.

Now consider that every year Dr. Herbenick has done her survey, the number of females reporting extreme effects from strangulation (neck swelling, loss of consciousness, losing control of urinary function) has crept up. Among those who’ve been choked, the rate of becoming what students call “cloudy” — close to passing out, but not crossing the line — is now one in five, a huge proportion. All of this indicates partners are pressing on necks longer and harder.

The physical, cognitive and psychological impacts of sexual choking are disturbing. So is the idea that at a time when women’s social, economic, educational and political power are in ascent (even if some of those rights may be in jeopardy), when #MeToo has made progress against harassment and assault, there has been the popularization of a sex act that can damage our brains, impair intellectual functioning, undermine mental health, even kill us. Nonfatal strangulation, one of the most significant indicators that a man will murder his female partner (strangulation is also one of the most common methods used for doing so), has somehow been eroticized and made consensual, at least consensual enough. Yet, the outcomes are largely the same: Women’s brains and bodies don’t distinguish whether they are being harmed out of hate or out of love.

By now I’m guessing that parents are curled under their chairs in a fetal position. Or perhaps thinking, “No, not my kid!” (see: title of Dr. Herbenick’s book above, which, by the way, contains an entire chapter on how to talk to your teen about “rough sex”).

I get it. It’s scary stuff. Dr. Herbenick is worried; I am, too. And we are hardly some anti-sex, wait-till-marriage crusaders. But I don’t think our only option is to wring our hands over what young people are doing.

Parents should take a beat and consider how they might give their children relevant information in a way that they can hear it. Maybe reiterate that they want them to have a pleasurable sex life — you have already said that, right? — and also want them to be safe. Tell them that misinformation about certain practices, including choking, is rampant, that in reality it has grave health consequences. Plus, whether or not a partner initially requested it, if things go wrong, you’re generally criminally on the hook.

Dr. Herbenick suggests reminding them that there are other, lower-risk ways to be exploratory or adventurous if that is what they are after, but it would be wisest to delay any “rough sex” until they are older and more skilled at communicating. She offers language when negotiating with a new partner, such as, “By the way, I’m not comfortable with” — choking, or other escalating behaviors such as name-calling, spitting and genital slapping — “so please don’t do it/don’t ask me to do it to you.” They could also add what they are into and want to do together.

I’d like to point high school health teachers to evidence-based porn literacy curricula, but I realize that incorporating such lessons into their classrooms could cost them their jobs. Shafia Zaloom, a lecturer at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, recommends, if that’s the case, grounding discussions in mainstream and social media. There are plenty of opportunities. “You can use it to deconstruct gender norms, power dynamics in relationships, ‘performative’ trends that don’t represent most people’s healthy behaviors,” she said, “especially depictions of people putting pressure on someone’s neck or chest.”

I also know that pediatricians, like other adults, struggle when talking to adolescents about sex (the typical conversation, if it happens, lasts 40 seconds). Then again, they already caution younger children to use a helmet when they ride a bike (because heads and necks are delicate!); they can mention that teens might hear about things people do in sexual situations, including choking, then explain the impact on brain health and why such behavior is best avoided. They should emphasize that if, for any reason — a fall, a sports mishap or anything else — a young person develops symptoms of head trauma, they should come in immediately, no judgment, for help in healing.

The role and responsibility of the entertainment industry is a tangled knot: Media reflects behavior but also drives it, either expanding possibilities or increasing risks. There is precedent for accountability. The European Union now requires age verification on the world’s largest porn sites (in ways that preserve user privacy, whatever that means on the internet); that discussion, unsurprisingly, had been politicized here. Social media platforms have already been pushed to ban content promoting eating disorders, self-harm and suicide — they should likewise be pressured to ban content promoting choking. Traditional formats can stop glamorizing strangulation, making light of it, spreading false information, using it to signal female characters’ complexity or sexual awakening. Young people’s sexual scripts are shaped by what they watch, scroll by and listen to — unprecedentedly so. They deserve, and desperately need, models of interactions that are respectful, communicative, mutual and, at the very least, safe.

Peggy Orenstein is the author of “Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent and Navigating the New Masculinity” and “Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape.”

#off-theme #and long #but worth the read

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trolls-poppy-specialist · 25 days

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was watching the fashionista caper again and:

GAH CARMENS DRESS SHE LOOKS ON FIRE WAAH IM SCREAMING SHE SLAYS IN THAT DRESS AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT PONYTAIL

BUT OTHERWISE

gaah her hair when let down is so long and thick

THE COAT FITS SO WELL

AND THE HAT

AND THE STEALTH SUIT

THE GOLDEN TRIANGLE ZIPPER FITS SO WELL WITH THE STEALTH SUIT

#carmen sandiego #carmen sandeigo 2019 #carmen sandeigo netflix #carmen sandeigo #carmen sandiego 2019 #THE RED DRESS #SHE SLAYS IT #THE GOLD BAND ON THE PONYTAIL #AND HOW HIGH IT IS #screaming crying throwing up #SHES HOT #GAAH #shes so pretty #i love her sm #and her long thick hair #how is it that curly ???#and long

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sourtomatola · 1 year

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stalker comic Valentines day speed run!!

(this is more in the future, farther into the relationship.)

More stalker comics

Last | Next

First

#legit came up with the idea and drew it all up today before 3pm #sundrop #fnaf sb #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #moondrop #I know the poll voted for an enthralling comic #Which i am working on #I just had to do a stalker for valentines day #Valentines day #Stalker comic #Comic #My art #Art #Also this will be the start of stalker season 2 #yes this was a bit rushed #and long #cw suggestive #stalker

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featherlight-whispers · 1 year

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i love jiang cheng immensely, but when i first watched mdzs i despised him. he reminded me too much of my father when he has a bad day. too angry. too unstable. too cold.

but as the chapters went by, i started unearthing the character and more reasons why i didn’t like him. he was the result of an abusive, dysfunctional household. just like my father. just like i am going to be when i grow older. and just like that, he started to grow on me. i started seeing my own anger in his scowls and scathing comments

jiang cheng was made to pick up on enormous responsibilities at a horrifyingly young age. he needed a defense mechanism, and as a grumpy person, anger was probably the easiest one to pick up. it’s the one he’s most familiar with, too. hiding a papier-mâché heart under rage is surprisingly easy

his defense mechanism is the flashiest one, especially compared to characters like nie huaisang (who literally depends on being the opposite to that), wei wuxian, and lan wangji. they’re all more subdued than him

i like subdued. but what i think draws me to jiang cheng, and sangcheng, too, is precisely how different jiang cheng is to the rest of the cast, the contrast between the headshaker and a man with a famously bad temper. he’s what i can become. what i fear to become, while nie huaisang, a smart man, someone who wears his masks to his advantage, beyond survival, is someone i want to become

what i want to say with this is that jiang cheng may be an asshole, and you might hate him for the very reasons i just said. but he’s someone’s comfort because seeing anger in a complex, genuine character displayed like that can be like a balm. sometimes i read a scene with him and it’s like being told “rage is valid. it’s not pretty. it’s not healthy long-term. but it’s a valid option too.”

#mdzs #sangcheng #nie huaisang #jiang cheng #canon jiang cheng #jiang cheng lovers club. assemble.#antis if you find this post please refrain from commenting because ill block on sight #this got personal #and long #featherlight-screams #rambly

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beanswithbones · 7 months

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drew my friend @boy-hat-enthusiast 's gremlin shaped cat Pippin

#kitties #odge podge art #cats #doodles #hes so shaped guys #and long #and hungers for the flesh and blood of gardin glove

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roguetemis · 1 year

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i forgor to post these you WILL look at my babygurls

homosexuality is all my brain is filled with

#and ocxcanon #and a dash of self-insert #i just want someone to kiss vegito and zamasu man #maybe they could kiss me just saying #i blame that one incredibly good zamagito ao3 fic #the angst was inmaculate #and their chemisty? amazing #go read it its fucking awesome #and long #10/10 really #vegito #zamasu #zamagito #dbs #dragon ball #db

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crumbleclub · 1 year

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sprained ankles suck.

Scene from the fic "Dissatisfaction Brought It Back" by Clai on Ao3. I'm still in the middle of reading it, but I had to draw this scene when I came to it.

#feat the world's wonkiest sheriff star #i also put a shoe in front of his foot bc i had that much trouble drawing it #i initially drew it backwards by mistake actually lmao #highly recommend the fic so far btw it's rlly good #and long #fnaf #mike's stuff #mike's actual art #pencil sketch #michael afton #clay burke #dissatisfaction brought it back

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hananinatte · 10 months

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im going to have to get into homestuck wish me luck

#i speak #it looks sad #and long #homestuck

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blingyu · 1 year

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Why I Think the theme of Stranger Things Supports Byler Endgame

Ok... this will be hella rambly (all my posts on here are just rants tbh lol)

But I think the themes and messages of this show STRONGLY support Byler endgame over anything else to be honest.

The first thing I want to make abundantly clear: STRANGER THINGS IS NOT AN 80s NOSTALGIA BAIT. It drives me insane for so many reasons when people say this.

For one: Stranger Things is not just looking at the 80s from an idealistic pov. Stranger Things to me critiques the era more than anything. Sure, we do have our fun 80s moments like malls and riding you bikes with your friends, and all the retro tech. But it's so much more than that. When you watch the show just for the vibes~ you miss the context.

The party is comprised of people who're disabled, black, and gay living in a small town in Indiana. They're not just seen as weird because they're nerdy to other kids, they're seen as weird because they are inherently different than what society deems as acceptable. All these aspects are something they can't and shouldn't need to fix. Also in S1 the idea of the loveless relationship between the Wheeler's was right in your face.

Jonathan critiqued the idea of Nancy ending up like her parents. Something comfortable, maybe- but not passionate or romantic. The man gets a nice job, they get married, get a house, have babies, the mother is the caretaker. The nuclear family. The Wheeler's are the embodiment of doing everything "right" by the 80s standards, but the show has not shown that as a positive thing; it's quite literally the opposite. It's depressing.

Idk to me I disliked the idea of Mike and El ending up together long before I liked Byler, not because I disliked El (anyone who hates on her can choke) but because I couldn't see how that could be her ending. When people who ship them say they want it to end with them getting married or having kids idk... I just don't see how that fits with the story the show has always been trying to tell.

That it's okay to be different. Different from whatever bullshit thing society has to say, and how in Stranger Things society is in the form of 1980's Hawkins Indiana, a place where they're God-fearing, and if you stray from being just like them you're bad.

I think all the characters fit that in some way or another. Except... Mike? Well, for those who say he's straight, anyways.

And with El, seeing her with Max in S3 was like a breath of fresh air, seeing the positive feminine influence and Max wanting El to stop thinking of others, think what she wants.

Some people don't like a possible El independence arc, because she does deserve love. I get that angle, but idk to me her ending up on her own isn't sad. I think it's sad that a woman ending up without a romantic interest is even seen as sad. Why?

In the 80s and even now the idea of a woman NEEDING a man was the expectation. If you were happily alone that was seen as wrong. You should want babies, and a husband, and you should want to be a housewife/stay at home mother. Honestly, it was terrible.

So: We don't want Mike to end up like his father (the scene in S4 when El leaves the table paralleling S1 with Karen) and we don't want El to think she needs to be in a relationship to feel happy and loved and content w life.

Then honestly I think the way they've set that up makes a Mike and El breakup super likely.

And with Will's feelings towards Mike confirmed, Stranger Things wrapping up to be a gay love story is incredibly fitting with the themes of being different and turning the 1980s film and television tropes on its head

#byler #this got rambly #and long #stranger things isn't just 80s nostalgia #it's a lot more

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eyelessfaces · 2 months

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guess who's drafting out an angst filled llewyn fic😵

#it's gonna be tough #and long #and his spermatozoids are acting up again #i love to make this man suffer #llewyn davis x reader #jane talks

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deivorous · 11 months

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

SKINNY BITCH TWINK BOY CAT BOY BASTARD

(thank you @ichigokurosaki i owe you my life *llama meme*)

#[ ooc || out of control ]#no coherent thoughts yall #hes so smol #and long #and leggy #and skinny #and baby #and breedbale #wtf baby boy meow moew

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firehandlerfred · 8 months

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One of the things you have to understand about me is that if a character has one of these things, they are automatically my favourite and I love them:

- Shaggy ass hair, looks like a racoon nests in it

-Eyes that glow when they use their power

-SCARS that glow when they use their power

-Is just a dickhead

#saw fanart of yang Xiao Long with hair down #and that shit was so shaggy #and LONG #I instantly followed the artist #also why I love Raven's design so much #she also ticks 3 of the boxes soooo #the scars one I haven't seen in mainstream media #but it is a thought that bounces in my head always

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noirbriar · 2 years

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Hiya! Random ask- what do you think knocks out the glaives(Nyx, Libs, Crowe, Pelna, Luche, Tredd, Axis, Sonitus) and Cor? How does one relax them to melt the stress away?

(Rain? A full belly? Soft music? Someone playing with their hair? Massages? Alcohol? Back/head scritches? Sex? A hot bath? Cuddles- Being pressed up against someone trusted?)

*looks at the suddenly hand full of in-canon glaives full of depression and anxiety*

*looks at you*

*looks at them*

Welp. This got long so sit tight?

The glaives thrive best in a group, even if it means ending up in a brawl on occasion. Social drinking, being with their fellow community in their corner of Insomnia. Group meals are a thing as well. Although on their personal time, they do have their own activities.

Nyx- Reading and singing. Ulric’s were considered high up in Galahd society and Nyx had always been bright and fascinated by the culture and history of his people. Although he was never an avid student younger, but now he hungers for whatever he can find and keep, even if the antiques cost a pretty hefty amount of crowns at the morning market. Every book, he cherishes. So every now and then if he feels homesick, he would sing the old songs he had sung with Selena, unwilling to let the memories fade. Re-read the old stories and even law just to hear in his mind of his mother’s and his tribe elders teachings once more.Just once more, to let him go back to that time and have that comfort, a time where he was safe amongst his kin with the warmth of a bright hearth.

Libs- Cooking. Food is so important to the Ostiums. Exceptionally so, and like the other Clans, its a social activity, regardless of gender. Libs prefers baking though, Galahdian sweets take more time. There is no recipe, always an estimate and by taste as they go through the process. The ingredients are rare and expensive but worth the splurge for proper good food.The smells makes Libs happy, and a good treat even more so. Seeing how his fellow glaives and galahdian kids in his building relish in the sweet treats makes the man pleased. He takes pride and joy in that, letting these simple feelings and tiredness of the arduous cooking and monotonous cleaning soothe the dull itch of helplessness and aching old wounds unseen.

Crowe- A long bath and keeping cacti. She remembers little of her childhood, except for the rubble and endless bombings, the dead villagers and hunger. Maybe its for the best. However, she always remembers bright blue skies, the desert heat and the cacti around her. So whenever she can, she picks little ones up into a satchel and brings them home to her tiny apartment… if they survive the deployment. The hardly lil things somehow always do. So she keeps them on her only window with the most light. After a long warm soak to unwind with whatever hot water she could have that day, she would always sit and stare at the little things, and let her mind wander in quiet.

Pelna- Warm coffee on a stormy night. His family had worshipped Ramuh and the quiet rhythmic sound of raindrops with the familiar smells reassures the quiet man. If he feels like it, a little crossword puzzle here and there as the ticking of the old clock on his kitchen wall grounds him. The repetitiveness is easy and routine enough for him to unwind without having to think.

Luche- Swimming. Now with Galahd lost, trapped in the concrete jungle of Insomnia, the closest thing other than the occasional dip out on the field, are the late night swims in the glaives training pool. Where the quiet and dark brings Luche solace from the chaos beyond the Wall.The haunting thoughts of his kin and clan dying at the back of his mind.But the water is familiar.The water brings comfort as the rushing sound of waves drowns those darker things whispering in his ears. Maybe its because he is born under the Tidemother’s star during the monsoon, who knows. He only knows that the water washes everything away. Even the unseen dirt and blood under his nails.

Tredd- Tredd grew up in a shitty part of the outlines.He sinks back to old habits simply because they are what he knows and its his way of coping anyway. Underground boxing on his off days that make him switch off mentally. The continuous pump of adrenaline always a rush and his abilities in combat makes him one of the best in the ring.The rush and satisfaction of a good brawl anchors him from the thoughts of death and loss and uncertainty.In the ring, he knows the outcome easy enough without another thought. Win or Lose. Nothing more, nothing less.

Axis- A quiet drink, a long drag of a box cigs. He has an on and off thing with an older woman, an open secret.Yet the comfort of another body next to him and the gentle touches brushing his unkept hair at least keeps him sane enough, feel enough, at least till the next call to another mission.The cycle repeats.

Sonitus- The 24 hour gym run by a guy that Tredd knows is his usual haunt if he has company.The man cannot be left alone. Or he would hang out somewhere with people or crowd. So he would always be at a bar or another, if only for the noise and sounds and less for the drinks. Only so he would not return to the shared loft with several other glaives.Where the silence is deafening enough, and he has more than enough of that in the van thats transports them to their next possible grave.

The glaives are all in damned and dark places towards the end. Those with families fare a lil better but most end up delving into certain vices anyway, just to be numb after another failed mission, down the bottle, illegal substances, probably casual sex as most of them do seem to mingle in the underbelly of Insomnia. Not by choice, but with no support system for them on top of various other problems over the years, they spiralled. But in earlier days where the demons have not gotten to them, they would indulge in little simple things if they could that have become a luxury, just to remind them of the happier times, unmarred and tainted by the War, grief and endless loss.

Cor- The Marshal is rather hypersensitive. Its also what keeps the man alive for so long out on the battlefield. Although once he is free from his responsibilities (or thrown out of the Citadel by Clarus eventually) he returns to the quiet abode in a rural neighbourhood with enough privacy, where the people all keep to themselves. Silence unnerves him, as its key out on missions, while noise irks him, and makes him unfocused, especially in a room full of unruly recruits or amongst old men squabbling over nothing. Cor has some good vintage record players and plays soft melodies before dropping onto the armchair, letting gentle melodies weave a safe space for him rest his eyes and unwind. His clenching jaw to ease while tense muscles slowly relax in the sparse, cold house that is hardly lived in.

In another life, probably, there would be sounds of a happy, babbling child keeping him company, the gentle soft touches and cuddle allowing him to feel without the need to fear he would lose anything more in this lonely life. But there is no possibilities of what ifs for the Marshal of Lucis.

*opens manhole*

*enters sewers*

*closes*

#ffxv #kingsglaive #ask me anything!#this kinda got dark im sorry #and long #oh gosh #nyx ulric #libertus ostium #crowe altius #pelna khara #luche lazarus #tredd furia #axis arra #sonitus bellum #cor leonis

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