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blookmallow · 3 years

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hi i binged through all of salad fingers for the first time in like 8 years and im fixating again here are. My Theories. pls talk to me if anyone else has Thoughts or wants to discuss things. this is really long i am sorry :’ )

also shout out to the salad fingers wiki for helping me keep track of details and also for this

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thought: salad fingers is not violent on purpose he did not mean to kill that kid

this is less a theory and more “if you slander my boy with accusations i will Get you” but listen. i see people going “but he mURDERED A CHILD!!” because of the oven incident but listen. listen to me. he didnt mean to and cannot be held to the same standard of morality and understanding consequences as a. person who isn’t..... in whatever situation and mental state he has going on

- yes, the kid getting trapped in the oven was his fault. but it was not intentional or malicious and i sincerely doubt he understands what happened or why.

he was asking for help reaching the fish (there’s no reason to believe he wasn’t just genuinely asking for help. he tears up in gratitude. theres no evidence of him Tricking People Maliciously in any other context i do not believe he would do that) and was distracted by the rusty nail, causing him to let go of the door. it wasn’t “he cares more about rust than about a child’s life” or something, i dont think he can actually hold “hey look at that i gotta check that out” and “i need to hold the door open so the child doesn’t get hurt” in his head at the same time, rust is his favorite stim/an impulse thing that takes over everything else and his perception of reality and the things going on around him changes very quickly and easily. more on that later. but the important point here is it wasn’t a malicious plot, or a neglectful careless action, he literally did not realize letting go of the door would cause harm

he stabbed himself accidentally with the nail and passed out for a while (the fact that he immediately bled that much is concerning too, he probably has hemophilia which is. a medical condition outside of his control, as well) and after all that he had completely forgotten about the child altogether (and says “i must have dozed off” so he doesn’t even understand he passed out. and might not remember the nail thing in the first place)

we don’t see what happened after this, we don’t know how he responds when he investigates the fish and inevitably finds an unexpected charred corpse in there, but i guarantee he won’t remember why its in there or understand that its a corpse. we dont see it again so its. entirely possible he didnt recognize it as a person and either just disposed of it or, uh, ate it. but if he did, it wasn’t with the knowledge and comprehension of it being A Corpse or the memory of how it got there

theory: on salad fingers and memory / comprehension of death and consequences

more on that subject

- we see him frequently doing things and then immediately forgetting he did it or forgetting what was happening. he accidentally squishes the bug (which also was not malicious or intentional, he intended to pet it but just. went too hard) and has no understanding either that its dead, or that he killed it. she has gone flat and gooey for some unknown reason. that’s strange. she needs to go have a wash, that’s no way to be.

he eats the jeremy fisher puppet at one point and then immediately goes “where have you gotten to??”

he even briefly forgets hubert cumberdale’s name and immediately comes up with another one without realizing it, and then later goes back to hubert cumberdale again with no mention of barbara logan-price

he refers to the same little yellow guy as “young child” and also Auntie Bainbridge later on. he keeps up the fantasy of... whatever the fuck yvonne was being his child for a pretty long time but then when he arrives at “auntie bainbridge” ‘s house he suddenly forgets why he’s there, and even apparently forgets what yvonne is and uses ‘her’ as a window rag instead and never mentions it again (I also don’t think she was in the sandwich at the end either. it’s hard to see but the sandwich contents are vaguely brown and theres a visible lump in the black goo behind him. i like the idea that the lil yellow guy made the sandwich for him)

salad fingers is constantly subconsciously adjusting his reality to fit Whatever Makes The Most Sense At The Time and does not consistently remember things (sometimes even major things. he remembers his puppets the most consistently and still even forgets hubert’s name) or have a concept of cause and effect

i think he possibly has some sense of recognition, “I’ve seen this person before,” but doesn’t always remember Why he knows them, and his mind just automatically fills in the blank with whatever makes sense to him. he doesn’t remember who the yellow guy is, but knows he knows them Somehow, so, ah, of course, it must be auntie bainbridge out for her sunday stroll :) and he knows he’s there for a reason, but not what that reason was, so he decides it must be time to clean the windows

- milford cubicle was already dead when salad fingers opens the door, but he has no idea that hes dead. this isn’t even a cause for concern. my, he must be tired, that’s all. he kept milford there until he rotted away, too, so there was never a point where he realized anything was wrong (until he became skeleton. more on That later too)

- he finds a corpse buried in the yard and rather than confronting the confusing and alarming reality of that situation, why it must be kenneth, back from the great war! at no point does he understand kenneth is definitely dead

theory: kenneth vs glass brother

i think he really did have a brother named kenneth who probably died in the war. could be some subconscious connection between “recognizing” a corpse as his brother, but i dont think he realizes any of that. i think the glass family is probably a trauma based hallucination, but a... well, reflection. pun not exactly intended lmao. on how his real family was and how they treated him

i dont think glass brother is the same brother as kenneth, since salad fingers interacts with them completely differently

kenneth is a corpse that salad fingers projects a personality on and speaks for, while glass brother seems independent and malicious toward him. i think he had a good relationship with kenneth (so, when salad fingers imagines that he’s here, it’s cause for celebration and he’s projecting onto something inert and “safe”) and also had another brother (who was probably his twin) who bullied him and acted violently, so when that trauma resurfaces, he hallucinates a vicious Other that he cannot control or speak for.

it also tracks that the abusive brother was his twin - he sees himself reflected in the mirror, and something in his own face reminds him of that lost brother until it “becomes” him

he refers to kenneth as his younger brother, and sees him as a being that does not look like him, while glass brother is literally his reflection, so it would make sense if he had one identical twin and one younger brother

ive seen theories that he had a real sister named bordois too, but i think him calling the bug “little sister” was just. a term of endearment or one of his little odd language quirks, he seemed to be talking to it more like a pet than like a sibling

theory: regarding mable

- ok people are saying salad fingers killed mable at the picnic but i Really Don’t Think He Did

we never see him acting out violently when he gets scared. he tends to try to escape situations that stress him out, he shrinks, he cries, he goes into his cupboard (which is. incredibly upsetting given the fact he was almost definitely abused by his family)

he takes on a kind of Authoritative Tone often, he gets sort of ruffled up and disdainful toward things, but that’s not what he does when he’s scared

when he’s actually distressed (rather than irritated) he tends to break down and retreat. this includes when other independent beings act in ways that unsettle and upset him

so i dont know where the “he freaked out and killed her” idea is coming from. he suddenly goes from outside at the picnic to having a breakdown in his house so. he most likely just ran

i think the Only time we see him act out violently is when he decides he has to punish marjory for not getting a haircut like he asked - he tears her hair out, but for me that scene was particularly concerning because it was so unlike him. that was an anger response, not a fear response, though, and he tends to be harsher toward things that he’s actually controlling (I don’t think we ever see him decide to Discipline something that was independent from him other than the horses, and he didnt hurt them)

ordinarily when something irritates him he just goes “hmph! so distasteful. how rude. i shan’t have this behavior, you know” but doesn’t really actually do anything about it, and moves on

anyway we never see mable again so i think either he freaked out and ran away and she just didn’t come back, or he scared her and she ran away, or both

there’s a dress visible briefly when salad fingers is making his Flesh Boy which could be mable’s (he did comment he liked it) but it’s not 100% clear, and that doesn’t necessarily mean he KILLED her for it. she could have changed into something else and left it somewhere and he found it. she could have died under unrelated circumstances, and salad fingers found her - he doesn’t comprehend death, so. probably he decided they’ve made amends now and she’s given him her dress as a token of friendship, or something

i dont think it really looks that significantly like hers but the fact that it stands out so distinctly from the rest of the Pile could mean something

but i just feel like if he had killed her we would’ve seen her corpse again, he doesn’t have a concept of murder, or death at all, or consequences, and his memory doesn’t hold out that consistently, so if he killed her, he probably would have calmed down later and then forgotten what he did and came up with a new way to explain the corpse in front of him - oh, how rude of me, mable’s here dozing right off and i havent even offered her a blanket. let’s get you to bed

like, he probably would have dragged her home with him, with the intention of being a good friend/host to his guest, not understanding what happened. he kept milford cubicle around a really long time

it wouldn’t be like him to have any concept of hiding the evidence

speaking of milford

theory: regarding milford cubicle

salad fingers keeps milford’s corpse around until it starts rotting, and then after a very confusing series of events, the corpse is suddenly a skeleton, which surprisingly alarms salad fingers considerably, and then he goes out to find a whole bunch of himselves eating various bits of gore. they give him a present, which is a hat very clearly made of milford’s skin

my conclusion: salad fingers, in some kind of dissociative fugue state, skinned and ate the remains of milford cubicle himself and turned the remaining skin into a hat. he also saves some of it to make hubert cumberdale (the real boy) later as well, probably forgetting where it came from. he does not realize he’s done this or remember doing it, so his scrambled mind tries to make sense of it with other selves eating unknown flesh, and a lovely hat appearing (which he doesn’t seem to notice is made of flesh)

you can also see milford’s original name tag in the drawer later on when he’s building the flesh boy, so. he kept that after the mysterious disappearance of milford’s flesh, apparently. more evidence that that skin is probably also his

some other scattered thoughts regarding the most recent string of episodes and salad fingers’ mental state:

ive been trying to figure out what the fuckhell happened with the yvonne incident and everything that happened in the birthday episode

im really concerned for salad fingers’ health and mental state, as it seems to be deteriorating

some yvonne theories ive seen:

1. he ate the burned corpse of the kid who died in the oven, and it made him very sick, which ultimately resulted in a charred mass he couldn’t digest - he steadily gets worse, until his body finally ejects it (yvonne’s “birth”) and after that his health starts to recover again. since the oven incident happens really early on, all the times he mentions his stomach being upset after that until he becomes deathly ill would make sense, so i think this is plausible

2. the hair he found in the cupboard was actually a parasitic worm that grew in his stomach after he ate it and became yvonne. i think this is Possible, it is a really strangely wormy looking hair, but it doesn’t move and he mentions stomach pains before this, so it seems less likely to me

3. i also saw the concept that salad fingers is a trans man who suffered a miscarriage at some point in his past and yvonne represents that, and i can definitely see where the idea is coming from but i do think something really physically happened to him in the present time, i dont think it was all a trauma-based hallucination, since the yellow guy reacts to the black ooze and something was definitely making him severely ill

so. i Don’t Know what the fuck that was about but i think the burnt corpse theory makes the most sense

on that note: there’s a lot of cannibalism imagery in salad fingers

we have no IDEA where he’s getting food from. im pretty sure its been confirmed that he is Not a zombie, we see him bleed, pass out, sleep, etc so it seems like he must be a living person who has ordinary needs. but we see him eat... his own puppets. hairs. sand. the soup glass mother instructed him to make, which made him very sick. he has a working oven but doesn’t seem to have consistent access to water. he had a fish somehow but who knows where it came from. it’s very likely he doesn’t get food often and some of his hallucinations and mood swings could be caused by starvation (and when he does eat, it’s things that are outright inedible or probably not good for him)

the burned corpse disappears and is never mentioned again (though salad fingers is very sick afterward). milford’s flesh disappears and salad fingers violently hallucinates multiple selves gorging themselves on unknown flesh

and what concerns me the most about that is that he loses a lot of time in that episode

he passes out in the woods and when he wakes up, it looks like a shit ton of time has passed

we don’t know how much is reality and how much is his warped perception, but it looks like a tree has grown and his physical condition has deteriorated

he looks really, really unhealthy and haggard for the rest of the episode

i think he had a huge dissociative episode and lost possibly weeks of time, probably due to starvation, and he ate milford cubicle and very possibly other people as well

so my question is. how often does this happen to him

and what happens to him during that state? does he become violent and dangerous without being aware of it when he returns to himself again? or has he just been ravenously scavenging corpses when he gets desperate enough?

its possible dr papanak is another personality he has, one that’s “buried out in the woods” that he becomes when he’s in a really, really bad mental and physical state

he looks much better in the next episode (though that’s also when he has his outburst with marjory. could be that he’s still staving off the violent urges/hasn’t fully come back to himself after the last incident) and I’m really hoping the fact that he was able to finally stand up to his family (at least in some sense) and smash the mirrors could mean he’s making steps toward recovery after whatever the hell all that was

there’s not really much space to do anything with his life or get much help given the circumstances but watching him slowly losing himself even more is Awful :(

i hope we get more episodes im so desperate for more information now

lastly, some random observations

i tried to read this newspaper and it looks like it’s actually written in french, which is interesting given that salad fingers seems to be british (but fond of france, and seems to speak french or at least knows one phrase)

i wonder where he got this, or whether it ever meant something significant to him

theres a lot of evidence that he can’t read (takes no notice of the “harry” nametag and immediately names him something else, “reads” a letter that is actually a newspaper clipping in another language he’s holding upside down, “writes” a letter that is just scribbles) so i dont think he learned his one french phrase from this or anything but, still. vaguely interesting. maybe he has been to france before and brought this back with him for some reason. maybe he’s actually in post apocalyptic france and was just originally from england. We Don’t Know

theres a weird little face in the. heater? whatever that is in the background for a second and i dont like it

salad fingers leaves horace in charge, but then sees him (as a live horse) in the woods, but then comes back to find him both still on the shelf (as a toy) and in the room (as a live horse, now with his, uh, surgery scars) but doesn’t seem to notice this and doesn’t comment on it

i dont know what the hell that means other than possibly his reality is even less consistent and logical than usual/a reflection on his mental state deteriorating

#salad fingers #pinned #media analysis

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d2kvirus · 3 years

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Dickheads of the Month: January 2021

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of January 2021 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

Once again, we knew that Donald Trump wasn’t going to take losing well, but when a legion of his most boneheaded supporters storm the Capitol demanding the election result be overturned because a certain thin-skinned orange gobshite had spent several weeks screaming about electoral fraud and, by the way, also set the date of January 6th for some major event, even Mike Pence couldn’t sanction his buffoonery any longer - especially when said buffoonery involved him saying “I love you” to people who were guilty of sedition and, by the way, murder - all of which led to him finally, finally, getting the boot from various social media platforms

...all while Lauren Boebert appeared to be trying to help out the insurrectionists by livetweeting the location of Nancy Pelosi, presumably because Boebert forgot about that Glock she claims to take to work with her every day and was looking for a convenient meat shield, which naturally has nothing to do with her tweeting the day would be like 1776 earlier that morning

...but the real victim in all of this was Melania Trump as it interrupted a photo shoot she was doing, which she somehow thought it was a good idea to mention several days later in a statement riddled with two opinions: “both sides” and “me, me, me” which shows she didn’t realise the optics of rearranging the china as Washington burned around her

...but according to Laura Kuenssberg it was merely a “scuffle” at Congress, as opposed to an organised group attempting to stage an armed insurrection against the government complete with at least one member carrying zip ties

...and finally, we had Ian Austin reminded us that he’s still alive by saying the exact same thing would have happened in the UK with Jeremy Corbyn supporters storming parliament, as if that happened in the four years Corbyn was wishing Austin would go away, then did go away, but sadly didn’t go away

Once again the Tory government think they know better than virologists, epidemiologists and pharmacists with their one-two punch of thinking they can just mix and match the various vaccines available rather than give people two doses of the same vaccine, but they further weaken any chance of vaccination succeeding by ignoring Pfizer’s recommendation the second dose be given within three weeks of the first by adopting a policy of the second dose is given three months later, and it it’s just as likely to be the less effective but cheaper Oxford vaccine they get a dose of

...swiftly followed by the BBC did their bit to encourage people to get vaccinated by reporting a story of a nurse getting a dose of Covid six weeks after her first vaccination jab not by reporting how she was three weeks overdue for the second dose (or, if you prefer, six weeks before her second one) but simply saying that people vaccinated can get Covid, which goes beyond the BBC’s sociopathic inability to criticise Tory fuckups into being downright fucking dangerous - as does their putting sentient testicle Toby Young on Newsnight to say how we’re all overreacting as it's not as bad as all that

Of all the things proven liar Boris Johnson should have said when the UK’s Covid death toll officially passed 100,000 (as opposed to unofficially, which would have been last December), “We have done our best” was not it, because if their best includes not going into lockdown in order to protect landlords, having Dominic Cummings dictate herd immunity in spite the fact that you need vaccinated people for it to work, refusing to have quarantine at airports until July, thinking it would be a bright idea to tell people it’s their patriotic duty to go to the pub, giving them £10 vouchers to go to restaurants, putting children going back to school ahead of any concerns about every single school could become a petri dish and countless other horrifically mismanaged instances, then we should be kept up at night dreading what their worst would be

The fact that Chartwells were given a contract to provide free school dinners with a budget of £30, and the supposed lunches that arrived had £5 worth of food in them which begged the obvious question where the other £25 went, is appalling - but not surprising, as the Tory government gave them the contract and, equally unsurprising, Chartwells was founded by a Tory donor, and equally unsurprising their response to their grift being exposed was to tell all the public school clients they cater to a pack of lies while hoping nobody found out about them doing so...which worked about as well as you can guess

Something possessed the EU to ramp up the row over the AstraZenica vaccine not passing the rigorous tests for over-65s by threatening to trigger Article 16 and limit the number of vaccines that Northern Ireland received, and that something was it was hopelessly misguided as it allowed the Tories to get their hapless response to the pandemic off the front pages for a few days and let the Leave headbangers say this is why we left the EU...in spite this threat would have never been in play if we were still in the EU

There is no way to make jokes about Kellyanne Conway posting what was, in effect, revenge porn photos of her 16-year old daughter, because that sentence is so far out there that it is borderline incomprehensible

In the space of less than twenty seconds proven liar Boris Johnson claimed that there was no prior warning of the new strain of Covid, he had the SAGE paper stating it was coming which was handed to him last September held up in his face, and then said the government acted accordingly. Yes, you read that right, he claimed the government acted accordingly to something they had no prior warning about, which is literally impossible, all in the space of ten seconds

In the latest hire by the BBC which is cause for both comment and concern, they announced their new chairman would be Tory donor Richard Sharp, whose credentials for the position are being Rishi Sunak’s ex-boss at Goldman Sachs, donating at least £400,000 to the Tory party, and having no background in journalism whatsoever

Smirking bully Priti Patel said that the UK should have closed its borders in March 2020 in order to prevent the spread of Covid. Presumably she forgot that she was a.) Home Secretary in Marsh 2020 so could have done that, and b.) Home Secretary when she said that the borders should have been closed as that indicates she doesn’t know what’s going on

The terrifying world which Alison Pearson lives in has now started to cross over into our reality due to her responding to one of the four people she hasn’t blocked on Twitter calling her what she is - namely a liar - by siccing the Torygraph’s lawyers on them claiming libel, doing the usual cry bully tactic of learning the person she is harassing works for GlaxoSmithKline so promptly went to their CEO demanding he be fired, and howling about the hate campaign being waged against her - while telling the person, who was saying he was thinking suicidal thoughts after the pile-on that Pearson had instigated even after he had deleted the tweet and apologised , that “You’re finished”

Someday in the future, scholars will study Ted Cruz responding to Biden rejoining the Paris Climate Agreement within hours of getting his feet under the Oval Office desk by pontificating about how terrible it is that Biden is more interested in the citizens of Paris than the jobless of Pittsburgh and wonder just how somebody who doesn't know why the Paris Climate Agreement was named the Paris Climate Agreement ever got to be a senator

...and judging by how Lauren Boebert also latched onto this brainless rhetoric, not only can it be asked how she got to be a senator when she had the opportunity to actually realise Cruz’s mistake, she also begs the question how she can be a senator after her publicly trying to use Nancy Pelosi as a meat shield during the Capitol riots

Unifying force Keir Starmer stated that Labour should be devoting their time to fighting the Tory government rather than fighting court cases, somehow forgetting that by breaking the guidelines of the EHRC report (which he pledged to follow without question months before it was published) is the reason that they’re fighting court cases, and just so happens to be the reason why people are asking how a meeting attended by Starmer, Angela Rayner, Len McCluskey and others either didn't have a single person taking notes, which is David Evans’ entire defence, or they did take notes by quite conveniently lost them

Oh boy, did Wall Street cheerleaders not take it well when r/WallStreetbets exposed to the entire world that the stock market is little more than a game people play with other people’s money - because the teams the Wall Street cheerleaders support started losing, and all it took was a few Redditors investing in Gamestop and Bed Bath & Beyond

Nice of Shaun Bailey to remind everyone that he’s a Tory by giving his suggestion for how the homeless could get on the property ladder, namely by saving a minimum of £5000

Clearly Marjorie Taylor Greene didn’t get the memo about the Streisand Effect, as the first thing she did after taking her seat in the House of Representatives was go on a mass deleting spree of Facebook posts - which only served to draw attention to her video saying that Nancy Pelosi be executed for treason, her track record of spreading conspiracy theories about the Parkland and Sandy Hook shootings, and her claims that a Jewish space laser is responsible for the 2018 California wildfires

Insufferable self-promoter Jess Phillips got her 2021 off to a good start by tweeting out that, as Britait has happened, we should shut up and accept it. To the surprise of nobody other than insufferable self-promoter Jess Phillips, this led to a lot of people saying that, no, they will not accept an advisory referendum somehow being bolted onto the Ten Commandments, especially as numerous things that were promised wouldn’t happen such as a border in the Irish Sea, leaving Erasmus, losing freedom of movement, leaving the Common Market have all happened

It is wrong to say that smirking bully Priti Patel has lost 150,000 police files. The actual figure is closer to 400,000 - which begs the obvious question as to what those files were, for example if those files also happened to fall under the same category as the ones that 55-year old ex-minister Mark Francois might want to have disappear for the sake of convenience

At last CD Projekt Red took some responsibility for Clusterpunk 2077 being such a cyberfuck...if by “taking responsibility” you mean “taking responsibility, dumping it all on the QA testers, and saying that everyone should blame them for everything” - and then with perfect comedic timing CD Projekt Red released an update for Clusterpunk 2077 that was so broken they had to release a hotfix for their broken patch

Expenses-fiddler Robert Jenrick decided that the most important thing to protect in the United Kingdom at this exact moment in time is...statues. Not key workers, not the vulnerable, not any human life at all. Statues.

So either Rafael Behr wrote a column for The Guardian where he tried to blame Jeremy Corbyn for his heart attack which saw Guardian higher-ups remove that passage from their print edition but forgot to remove it from the online version of the article, or The Guardian deliberately left the passage in the online version of the column in order to get some form of engagement from rage clicks while allowing Behr to act as if he is suffering some great injustice

Of course it wouldn’t take long for Steve Baker to try and claim some spurious victory for Britait, namely him claiming that tampon tax he spent so long fighting against being abolished is proof of the sunlit uplands of our post-EU nation...which ignores the fact that a.) It had nothing to do with the EU in the first place, and b.) The fact that Baker voted to keep it in place in a 2015 Commons vote

Employer of the year WWE went for an interesting twofer, as one minute they were proudly stating that WrestleMania would go ahead with a prospective 30,000 in attendance without any concerns for social distancing or any other Covid preventative measures, and the next telling the wrestlers on their roster that they would not be supplying them with Covid vaccines at the exact same time the NBA were floating the idea of providing vaccines for all their players

Make no mistake, the criticism that Erik Lamela, Sergio Reguilon, Giovani Lo Celso and Manuel Lanzini have received due to the four of them flouting lockdown regulations to attend a New Year’s party is justified - however, the fact that Duncan Castles tried to chase a headline by claiming that Lo Celso and Lamela had tested positive for Covid in a swiftly-deleted tweet is a new low for the noted barrel scraping rumour monger

Self-awareness sceptic Laurence Fox was entirely predictable in his response to the news that talkRADIO had been booted from Youtube for repeated violations of their ToS, specifically the part about spreading Covid misinformation, screaming the usual things about being “cancelled” - and then, within hours, responded to the BBC announcing a plan of educational programming to help during Lockdown III by saying he will be shielding his children from being “indoctrinated” by the BBC’s “left-wing bias” - which not only means he’s cancelling the BBC, but also had people remember that Billie Piper has custody of his children so it's not like he can even enforce his rules on what his children can and cannot watch

...by the way, Fox said nothing about Lord Sumption appearing on the BBC’s Question Time (the same show where failed actor on the grift Laurence Fox announced his new career as a clueless right wing irritant) where he told a woman with bowel cancer that her life wasn’t valuable, it was merely less valuable as she has less life left. Yes, that is eugenics getting free airtime on the BBC, thanks for noticing

Somehow the best choice of words the BBC could find when reporting the death of Phil Spector was “talented but flawed” as if murder is some character flaw instead of, oh I don’t know, a criminal activity?

You would have thought that Twitch would have simply retired the PogChamp emote permanently in the wake of Gootecks going all insurrectionist, but no, instead they thought of having a rotating cycle of emotes of various creators, in spite of those creators telling them this would be a bad idea - and those creators were proven right when Critical bard was inundated with racist and homophobic abuse in his chat that led him to close his social media profiles when he was selected for rotation, with Twitch doing fuck all about it

Fashion editor no matter what she claims she is Hadley Freeman had a really clever take about The Sopranos...actually, no she didn’t, she had an absurd belief that it’s the exact same show as Sex in the City but people overlook it Because Misogyny, and when she was lambasted for missing the point so badly she had noted dipshit David Baddiel rushing in to her rescue to mock those getting “triggered” by her insipid take while saying he never liked The Sopranos because, as he isn't an Italian-American mobster, the show did not speak to him - in other words, he made himself a subject of equal mockery

...but there was no sign of Baddiel when Hadley Freeman then jumped on the BidenErasedWomen bandwagon alongside the TERFs of Twitter as soon as Biden got his feet under the desk, which also happened to show hard centrist extremist Freeman say how she thought Trump did far more for women than Biden ever has, which as takes go is so bad that the best explanation is that she briefly forgot the difference between the words “for” and “to”, before she then deleted the tweet and tried to deny ever posting it with increasingly nonsensical explanations that rapidly looked uncannily like gaslighting

...although David Baddiel wasn’t quite done being a bellend, as he was soon yukking it up with professional victim Rachel Riley about his latest book which accuses the entire progressive left of antisemitism

The oppressed underclass known as Manchester United fans really showed their colours, first by responding to a loss to Sheffield United by sending racial abuse to Axel Tuanzebe and Anthony Martial on social media, and a couple of weeks later responded to a draw with Arsenal by sending racial abuse to Marcus Rashford, because apparently when your team drops points the most important thing is to look for which member of your team you can racially abuse

And finally, oh so finally, we have Donald Trump and his discovery of electoral fraud at last - electoral fraud that consisted of Donald Trump calling Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger demanding he change the result and all he needs is Raffensperger to “find” 11,780 votes while also saying that he had proof of vote-counting machines being removed early...and when told they were still in Georgia, changed his lie to say the inner workings had been removed without anyone noticing. By the way, the only reason anyone knows about this is because Raffensperger told Trump that he wouldn’t release the call to the public if Trump didn't say anything about it - so, of course, the Orange Overlord took to twitter, ran his mouth, and the Washington Post had one hell of an exclusive as a result

#dickheads of the month

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backofthebookshelf · 5 years

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Book Recs for Magnus Archives Fans

I was just rambling in tags the other day about how my avatarsona was "the Archivist, but a public librarian: Oh, you like dirt?? Let me tell you all the dirt stories I have!!!!" so, uh, here I am I guess.

I'm gonna spare you all the M.R. James and Algernon Blackwood and House of Leaves and Blindsight; you know all that already. These are my horror backlist recs.

The Bone Key by Sarah Monette Y'all. Y'ALL. Kyle Murchison Booth was absolutely the Archivist before Gertrude. He was poached from the Parrington by the Usher Foundation and the Eye glommed onto him at once, because the Eye loves disaster queers who can't people right (and also Gertrude). This I believe to be true, and so will you.

Kyle Murchison Booth is an archivist at the Parrington Museum, which is somewhere in New England, sometime in the early twentieth century. He also has a lifelong entanglement with the supernatural which is almost entirely not his fault, and he would very much like it to stop, but he also feels responsible and he can't just let evil mirrors and cursed necklaces and possessed dressing gowns randomly eat people who have no idea what's happening. Even if it means he's going to suffer for it.

(This collection doesn't contain all of the Booth stories, so here I am going to link to "White Charles", which happens to be my very favorite Booth story.)

For you if your favorite part is: honestly everything about MAG, from the modern sensibilities about early twentieth-century-horror, truly eerie ghost stories, to suffering eldritch librarians (thanks to whoever tagged my most recent fic with that you're so valid), monsterfucking and soft gay pining. No happy endings here, sorry.

Bedfellow by Jeremy C. Shipp You may or may not have heard that Macmillan-Tor is launching a horror imprint, and I don't know how long it's been since a major publishing house has had a horror imprint, but I am EXCITE. This book is part of the trend that's the reason why: Tor.com has been publishing these kickass novellas for a couple years now, and their horror books are top notch.

One night a stranger knocks on a family's living room window and asks to be invited in. They ask him to stay the night. He's an old friend, after all, he needs a place to stay. You can't kick out your twin brother when he's just gotten divorced, no matter how much Gatorade he spills on your two-year-old hardwood floors.

For you if your favorite part is: the Stranger, this is all Stranger, it's terrifying and good.

Through the Woods by Emily Carroll A graphic novel, some of these were originally posted as webcomics (have you seen His Face All Red, and if not, why not???) and the only disadvantage to having them in book form is they can't blink at you. Probably. Very folktale-ish, with all the death and violence that implies, and also the slightly eerie feeling that you know this story already, and then it turns around and slaps you.

For you if your favorite part is: looking over your shoulder when the foley gets good; Once Upon a Time in Space (I know that's not technically part of the Magnus Archives but shush)

Universal Harvester by John Darnielle I am not usually a fan of artists who jump media. Just because you can write songs doesn't mean you can write novels. Apparently writing good songs doesn't mean you can't write good novels, though, because John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats (pretty sure that's his full name at this point) wrote Universal Harvester and I love him for it.

Jeremy works at a video rental place in Nevada, Iowa (it's pronounced Nah-vey-da, and yes it’s real, I've been there, and yes, it's probably haunted). It's the 1990s, and someone's been returning their VHS tapes with something on them that isn't just the movie. Footage that includes a barn that he recognizes, just outside of town.

Fair warning: this is not the kind of mystery that gets tied up in a nice bow at the end.

For you if your favorite part is: Jon losing it with paranoia in S2, The People's Church of the Divine Host, the Lonely

The Good House by Tananarive Due If this author's name is unfamiliar to you, RUN, do not walk, to your nearest internet bookseller and purchase every single one of her books immediately, you will not regret it. She also just came out with a documentary on black horror, Horror Noire, on the Shudder streaming service. They've got a free month if you aren't a horror movie person, it'd be worth your while. This book summary sounds like it's full of tropes. It is, but Due has the cred to write them well.

Angela Toussaint hopes to salvage her suffering marriage and her troubled relationship with her teenage son with a trip to her grandmother's house, a home so beloved the locals in small-town Washington state call it "The Good House," but tragedy strikes instead. Two years later she returns and finds that the tragedy isn't over, and it's not going to stop on its own.

For you if your favorite part is: the very practical statement-givers who know what's happening to them and Will Not Put Up With This Shit, the Desolation, the Hill Top Road statements

The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins Is this horror disguised as fantasy? Found family disguised as horror? Grown-up Neil Gaiman? Less grimdark George R.R. Martin? Honestly I have no fucking idea, but it's amazing. Fair warning, unlike Magnus Archives, this deserves all kinds of trigger warnings, including but not necessarily limited to: sexual assault, torture, mental manipulation, dysfunctional families, incest(?)

Father is missing, and his twelve children (though extremely talented in their own ways, and not strictly speaking children any more) are at a loss without him. But also, without him, things are starting to seem different. He might be God? They might not be human? (They were probably human once.) He might not be God but maybe one of them might be next? If any of them survive.

For you if your favorite part is: slowly turning into a monster, the relationships between entities and avatars, monsters hot (not kidding about the trigger warnings)

The Loney by Andrew Michael Hurley I have to keep reminding myself that Magnus Archives isn't really folk horror, there are two separate (if related) strains of British horror here and folk horror is not the one we're on, but at the same time I really want a good creepy rural pagan cult to show up in the series, you know? Anyway.

When he was a child, our narrator used to go with his family on an Easter pilgrimage to shrine on a bleak stretch of Lancaster coastline locals called The Loney. His Catholic mother was searching for a cure for his older brother, and she was convinced if they kept going long enough she would be granted her wish. The locals, however, are not huge fans of her annual visits, and even less so when the boys become involved with the goings-on of a pair of glamorous tourists.

For you if your favorite part is: the Lukases, I didn't realize until I was writing this up that I'm picturing Moreland House in the exact place described by this book

Eutopia by David Nickle One thing I love about the historical statements in Magnus Archives is just how truly historical they are. There's almost nothing in "The Piper" that isn't historically accurate - yes, Wilfrid Owen spent several days in a trench underneath the shredded bodies of his fellow soldiers. Like. You can't make up horror worse than that. But then you add monsters and it gets good. And I'm a sucker for early-twentieth-century history, it's such a bonkers time.

It's 1911 and the new Eugenics Record Office is sending agents out to catalog the disabled, infirm, and otherwise undesirable members of society so they can figure out what to do about them. In the utopian town of Eliada, Idaho, Dr. Andrew Waggoner runs from the racism of American society and straight into the influence of Mister Juke, the most troubling patient in his new practice. (Trigger warnings for, obviously, a whole lot of ableism. Treated like the monstrousness it is, but there's a lot of it.)

For you if your favorite part is: learning history through horror, the Flesh

A Head Full of Ghosts by Paul Tremblay I hate male writers writing about teenage girls, so you are going to have to trust me when I say that I had to check, several times while reading this book, to make sure that Paul Tremblay is actually a dude. He's very good. This book was kind of his breakout, so if you follow horror you've read it already, but if you don't necessarily then please do not miss it. His newer ones, Disappearance at Devil's Rock (Stranger, Spiral) and The Cabin at the End of the World (Slaughter, Extinction), are also good but not as good as this, I think.

Fourteen-year-old Marjorie is having a rough time - outbursts, hallucinations, paranoia. Treatment is difficult (and expensive) and her family ambivalent; they turn to a local Catholic priest, who recommends an exorcism and, to help manage those medical bills, a production company who's interested in filming a reality TV show about the process. Fifteen years later, Marjorie's sister deconstructs the now-famous show and wrestles with her own memories of childhood. Trigger warnings for ableism on the part of many of the characters, but not the narrative.

For you if your favorite part is: the Spiral, metafictional analysis of horror tropes

#the magnus archives #book recs #there's a lot of other things i could tag this as #but i wrote it for this fandom #is this a transparent excuse to get more people to read booth stories??#it is #it really is

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wellhalesbells · 5 years

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I see you reblogging some comic stuff an I was wondering if you have a favorite comic or favorite character or ship?

this ask is from so long ago but [DEEP BREATH IN] i’m finally going to answer it, nonny. finally. i kept wanting to read a little bit farther in my comics stack because.... maybe i’ll like that and will regret not having recced it, i just hafta--get--to it, see? and, honestly, i’m still there BUT, come on, i’ll never be caught up because that would mean comics would just have to stop coming out and i would be sad forever if that happened, SO

i’m not even going to pretend like i can narrow this down to one comic. (one ship? sure, that’s spideypool. one character? sure, that’s the merc with a mouth, the regenerating degenerate, wade motherfucking wilson. but one comic?!) there is just straight-up too much out there to make a definitive ‘yes, this is it, this is THE ONE ™ ’ statement. instead, uh, let’s break this shit down, yeah? (super special secret bonus round, will note all lgbt+ rep and standalone comics.) in no particular order, here the frig it goes!

HORROR

infidel, by pornsak pichetshote and aaron campbell. in case you haven’t seen this on every 2018 best list ever, here it is. and, yeah, it was good. a muslim-american main character living in a haunted apartment building where the entities feed off the xenophobia of its occupants. if that’s not a fucking modern horror story i don’t know what is.

spread, by justin jordan and kyle strahm. THIS IS ONE OF MY NEW AND ALREADY ALL-TIME FAVORITES. what an awesomely weird and epic story. the spread is an uncontrollable, unstoppable monster-making force that humanity accidentally unleashed by digging too deep. it infects everything it touches and basically all of humanity is running from quarantine to quarantine just hoping for the best. and speaking of hope.... she’s a baby, rescued by no, and the only thing that’s ever been able to stop the spread. also, no’s gay? and i just DID NOT see that coming. it seems like it’s going to be such a formulaic, bro-y story about the action hero who kisses the face off his girl (her name’s molly and she’s batshit insane and amazing) and instead, nope, it is not that at all. lgbt+ main characters.

the black monday murders, by jonathan hickman and tomm coker. hate capitalism? think all the rich and powerful are evil, soul-sucking monsters? [obnoxious, low-budget commercial sound effects] MAN, HAVE I GOT THE SERIES FOR YOU.

the beauty, by jeremy haun and jason a. hurley. i just started this recently but so far, oh my good golly gosh, i looove it. a sexually transmitted disease that makes you conventionally gorgeous.... at least before it explodies you. [wide, creepy smile] the art is gorgeous, the characters are aces and i am very, very pleased so far. lgbt+ minor characters.

the great divide, by ben fisher and adam markiewicz. this? was a COOL idea. the execution stumbled a bit but, gosh, was it neat. it’s post-apocalyptic where touching another person will literally kill.... one of you. the survivor then absorbs the memories of the person who dies, taking on a ‘rider.’ some people collect them, some people go mad, some form a bond, all have the side effect of dyslexia. like i said, neat as all get out. lgbt+ minor-ish/main-ish character. standalone.

revival, by tim seely and mike norton. a rural town in wisconsin experiences ‘miracle day,’ where the dead rise again.... except, they were kinda already mourned and buried and this is really just fucking up the status quo.

the woods, by james tynion iv and michael dialynas. a high school gets picked up and plopped down in an entirely new, and wickedly hostile universe. it’s all survival and alliances and seeing what you’re really made of when it comes down to it. lgbt+ main characters.

clean room, by gail simone and jon davis-hunt. a cult, a journalist and a clean room walk into a bar...

anya’s ghost, by vera brosgol. you think it’ll be a cute story of a girl and her ghost. HA HA THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS AT ALL, OKAY.

FANTASY

rumble, by john arcudi and james harren. SCARECROW WARRIOR GOD, SCARECROW WARRIOR GOD, SCARECROW WARRIOR GOD!!! okay, first off, the art in this? pushes every friggin’ button i’ve got, and many i did not know i had. second, this book is so fucking fun. it’s mythology that’s balls to the wall ridiculous, funny, and features a main character whose life motto is basically: ‘do i have to?’ infinitely relatable and then some.

heathen, by natasha alterici and rachel deering. UGH, ONE OF MY FAVORITES. the art is just horribly, horrendously gorgeous and it’s LESBIAN VIKING MYTHOLOGY, OKAY. OKAYYYY??? lgbt+ main characters.

the wicked + the divine, by kieron gillen and jamie mckelvie. one of my favorite ever series right here. it’s a hella cool concept (gods reincarnating as humans every twelve years, and burning up their hosts in two), whip-smart and if you’ve ever met a human being who likes a pun more than kieron gillen i defy you to produce them. lgbt+ main and minor characters.

batgirl, by gail simone and adrian sayaf and vicente cifuentes. you know how people rave about gail simone? there’s a reason people rave about gail simone. honestly, i’ve never had much interest in babs. i don’t tend to go for superheroes who don’t kill and i have even less interest in ‘the killing joke’ story line and i am convinced only gail simone could’ve done the recovery on that and she did a GLORIOUS job of it.

red hood and the outlaws, by scott lobdell and dexter soy. (ignoring recent - and annoying - developments), this is my favorite of all the rebirths dc did. scott lobdell is the only writer to have gotten the idea down of: okay, we’re starting over, i assume you don’t know anything but i also assume there are a bajillion people reading who know everything, and hit the perfect medium between those two things. so if you want to start a jason todd run, you legitimately can here, and get all the found family, badassery, batman-teasing enjoyment there is to be had.

iceman, by sina grace and robert gill (covers by kevin wada). classic super-heroing here and bobby’s first solo title. he’s figuring out coming out while fighting (and flirting) with baddies. sina really gets his humor and how truly wonder-awful it is! lgbt+ main character.

spider-man/deadpool, by joe kelly and ed mcguinness. watch those names there, those are your guys right there, period. they looked at the void of a spider-man/deadpool series and filled it with absolutely everything you could possibly want for the pair (sans a hardcore make-out sesh, though they did get a few variant covers with some puckered up lips in there!)

limbo, by dan watters and caspar wijngaard. a fusion of 80s aesthetics, voodoo elements and a noir tone. just some remarkably cool shit in this. the ending, for me, left something to be desired but it was more than worth it to see worship via mixtapes. standalone.

hawkeye: kate bishop, by kelly thompson and leonardo romero. kate bishop is, apparently???, a super impossible character for a lot of writers. kelly thompson is not one of them. kelly thompson is my favorite kate bishop writer, actually, and the fact that she is ever not writing her is a gd travesty.

the unbeatable squirrel girl, by ryan north and erica henderson. honestly, i’m so tempted to just stick this under ‘contemporary,’ because it really does just feel very... normal. doreen’s navigating college, new friendships, and y’know... the squirrely-ness. this had every opportunity to suck and instead it’s funny as heck, never takes itself too seriously, and is just pure good-hearted entertainment through and through.

wolf, by ales kot and matt taylor. a paranormal detective and the-possible-antichrist go on a road trip. people hated this comic and i don’t know how you can hate a comic that has a character called freddy chtonic who has tentacles for a mouth???

ms. marvel, by g. willow wilson and adrian alphona. hi, you read ms. marvel because the world is a garbage fire and people are terrible and your cynicism is at an all time high and then kamala khan waltzes in and reminds you people generally want to help each other and the world improves when we work together and that thing optimists feel? you’ll feel that for as long as you’ve got the pages open and that’s a magical thing. lgbt+ minor character.

monstress, by marjorie m. liu and sana takeda. psychic links with monsters, matriarchal societies, magic and witchery, half-human/half-animal (and other ratios) characters, all through a steampunk lens. what’s not to like about that??

inhuman, by charles soule. i love this series, i love the idea of being a total average joe/joanne, getting smacked in the face by a cloud of mist and suddenly having to figure out how to live basically a whole new life. also, if you don’t fall madly in love with dante pertuz, i don’t even know what to tell you, my dude.

heart in a box, by kelly thompson and meredith mcclaren. break-ups suck, but only because of that whole pesky broken heart thing, right? so emma gives hers away. problem solved, no? standalone.

i kill giants, by joe kelly and j.m. ken niimura. i didn’t cry my eyes out or anything. did not. standalone.

sex criminals, by matt fraction and chip zdarsky. having sex = stopping time, which leads suzie and jon to the only logical conclusion: let’s rob some banks!

hawkeye, by matt fraction and david aja. honestly there are a lot of other artist combos in this run but the only ones that are worthwhile are the ones that have fraction and aja’s names on them - sorry not sorry.

SCIENCE FICTION

black bolt, by saladin ahmed and christian ward. saladin revived this character one hundred million percent. there is absolutely a reason this was parading around all over ‘best’ lists when it was released. it really, really did the damn thing.

saga, by brian k. vaughan and fiona staples. this is the comic you recommend to people who don’t even like comics because it is that good. like, my dad - who hadn’t read a comic since he was a pre-teen, eagerly awaits each new trade. the world-building, the characters, the care put into every single solitary bit of all the things? unparalleled. lgbt+ minor characters.

frostbite, by joshua williamson and jason shawn alexander. a post-apocalyptic story that has humanity dying from a plague that literally freezes you from the inside out. very neat, very cold, very readable. standalone.

descender, by jeff lemire and dustin nguyen. this had a rough start, for me, with the main character of the first trade being tim-21, an android who is literally incapable of having the depth to be a lead BUT that does not last through to the next trade, thank god. lots of space and found family and world-building in this to be had! but you know how people rave about jeff lemire? there’s a reason people rave about jeff lemire.

paper girls, by brian k. vaughan and cliff chiang. the 80s and time travel and lifelong friendships. it’s brian k. vaughan, you know it’s good, okay? why do i even have to sell you here, man? lgbt+ main characters.

injection, by warren ellis and declan shalvey. this is another one on my list that started out a little rough but really appealed to me later on. there was just a lot to absorb in that first trade but, once you’ve got it, the ride gets way, way smoother. lgbt+ main and minor characters.

black science, by rick remender and matteo scalera. this was a rocky start, because the main character is such an asshole but in a way where he can’t see he’s an asshole, he’s just a tortured genius who’s superior to all of you, don’t you know? but i am so glad i persevered because if that’s the set up? the rest of the series is knocking him back down. super scientist grant mckay finds a way to access the eververse, every possible reality the universe has on offer, and that’s really what causes every single problem that follows. hard to cause the apocalypse and be an arrogant prick, ya know?

CONTEMPORARY

giant days, by john allison and lissa treiman. this series is so funny and smart and warm. these girls are so kind to each other and relatable and failing at adulting regularly and often and i love reading about them. lgbt+ main character.

lumberjanes, by noelle stevenson and grace ellis and brooke a. allen. this is funny and ridiculous and kind and cool and all other awesome adjectives and you should read it, fact. lgbt+ main characters.

my brother’s husband, by gengoroh tagame and anne ishii (translator). this is such a sweet story about acceptance and family tbh. lgbt+ main character.

fence, by c. s. pacat and johanna the mad. i mean... i need to see nicholas and seiji hook-up, i need that, stat. stat means now! lgbt+ main characters.

WEB/INDEPENDENT COMICS

long exposure, by kam heyward. so mitch and jonas are my absolute faves and i love them to death and the author is so kind in that they actually put this up in print on indyplanet so i can read it the way i, personally, love to read comics (and - bonus! - support them with the monies). lgbt+ main characters.

modern dread, by pat shand and ryan fassett (editors). i’ve been trying to find more better horror comics lately so i’ve been kind of half-heartedly stumbling through kickstarter on the hunt and this was SUCH a great find. it’s an anthology but more cleverly done than any other kickstarter anthology i’ve read, with a main story line that seamlessly strings together the would-be-disjointed ones. this was really thoughtfully put together and really well done! standalone.

heartstopper, by alice oseman. a very sweet story about two high school-aged boys becoming fast friends, playing rugby and falling in love. the two characters are mentioned as an aside in the author’s book, solitaire, and she became so invested in them that she wrote their backstory as a free webcomic. lgbt+ main characters.

the pale, by jay fabares. JUST started this (like, just a day or so ago) but i’m enjoying it so far!

hotblood!, by toril orlesky. i mean... is it a webcomic about a centaur falling in love with his boss? it just might be. did i get a bound edition through a kickstarter campaign? maybe. maybe i did that. who’s to say? lgbt+ main characters.

the bay, by bbz. life on mars through the lens of three young professionals who form an odd but lasting friendship. lgbt+ main characters.

hard drive, by artroan. is it a nsfw comic about a dude and a robot? .... it might be a nsfw comic about a dude and a robot. [coughs] lgbt+ main characters.

seen nothing yet, by tess stone. a nsfw comic about two amateur ghost hunters. can’t imagine why i might be interested in that [coughs] lgbt+ main characters.

captain imani and the cosmic chase, by lin darrow and alex assan. i mean did i want a starship captain who can’t help but lust after the smuggler he’s chasing. i mean, maybe i did. maybe. lgbt+ main characters.

taproot, by keezy young. ghost falls in love with boy, boy falls in love with ghost, AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. lgbt+ main characters.

always raining here, by bell and hazel. just two boys falling in lurve. lgbt+ main characters.

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eggdotjpeg · 5 years

Text

OKAY SO I FINALLY FINSIHED CHAPTER TWO WHO AM I?

um i feel like this chap is more shit than the last one but i meannnnnnn

once again, idk when the next chap is gonna be up depends how i feel

um yeah i wrote from the new character to the end just now and ive had a headache for the past 5 days im fine but ik its shit??? deal with it??? okay chapters below the cut fuckers

The Five Fingers

We’ve Only Got 5 Minutes Until Our Show’s on

The three friends had been sitting there watching the blank screen for five minutes. A lot of other people had come in, including a bunch of meddlesome teenagers. They were joshing around throwing popcorn at each other. With every piece thrown, Jeremy got more and more agitated, until he finally shister snapped.

“HEY, STOP MUCKING ABOUT, THE MOVIES ABOUT TO START”

The teenagers started snickering at that remark, and one of them muttered “old man”

Then Jeremy flipped his shit. “WELL IF IM SUCH AN OLD MAN THEN YOU SHOULD RESPECT THE ELDERLY AND GO SIT IN A CORNER AND THINK OF WHAT YOURE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE. YANNO, MAYBE DO MORE THEN CREATE A MESS AND BE FUCKING WORTHLESS.”

Well that certainly seemed to shut them up.

The one who whispered old man started crying and they all went to the corner of the cinema to cry like fucking babies (I mean, what a mood lmao).

“That seemed to do it, and a bit more,” said a mortified Marjory.

“As long as they cry silently, I’ve not no problem,” Jeremy replied enthusiastically.

“Shhh, its starting,” said Hubert.

The movie starting by spitting some straight facts about bees. It said that they defied science and said fuck you to humans. Seemed interesting.

The movie ended and everyone was buzzing with excitement. They decided they’d get some post movie food, and they settled on Indian.

They walked to the nearest restaurant, and asked for a table for 4.

“I’m sorry, we don’t have any free tables, but we have a customer at a table for 6 that’s willing to share with you if you want?” said the waiter.

“That’s cool with us! Show us the table waity boi!” exclaimed Hubert

The waiter gave him a weird look, but led them to the table regardless.

Milford was looking around eagerly in hopes of seeing the stranger they would be sitting with.

“Here we are! Feel free to ask if you need anything!”

“Cool! Thank you so much!” said Jeremy

The waiter just smiled in response, before leaving.

Hubert looked around him to see how everyone was feeling. Marjory was looking at the stranger with caring and interested eyes, she always was the mum of the group.

Milford was looking at the stranger very excitedly, this fuck never seems to calm down for one second.

Jeremy seemed uninterested, wait, he’s on his phone. Again. Why do we bother bringing him places again? (is Jeremy a mood? Yeah you know it lads)

Hubert looked at the stranger. He couldn’t help but notice that he seemed nervous.

“So, what’s your name?” Hubert asked the stranger.

“Uhh, my name is Shrignold,” the stranger replied

‘HI SHRIGNOLD IM MILFORD AND THESE ARE MY FRIE-“ yelled Milford, earning a slap on the wrist from Marjory

“Hi dear, sorry about Milford, he can be a bit... excited sometimes. I’m Marjory, and this is Jeremy and Hubert,” said Marjory, indicating towards the correct specimens.

“LETS GET SOME PIZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!” And of fucking course its Milford cause he’s an absolute M A D L A D.

“HI WELCOME TO CHILI’S,” and oh looky it’s the waiter.

“YES PIZZA PLEASE NO ADDED HORMONES FROM COLES,” its Jeremy again wOah.

Marjory just stared between the two with disappointment in her eyes.

“YES HERES PIZZA JUST FOR YOU HEHE,” oh here comes the chef broom vroom.

Everyone stared at the pizza for about 4 minutes including the chef.

“HON HON PIZZA,” exclaimed the chef before they left.

“nice.” Said Hubert

“Lets eat!” Marjory exclaimed

Everyone grabbed a piece of pizza. Everyone except Shrignold.

“Whats wrong Shrignold?” Asked Hubert

“Have detachable fingers… but just one, see?” Shrignold then went to pick up a piece of pizza, only to find that his finger fell off.

Everyone stared at T H E F I N G E R as it lay on the table.

“That’s okay Shriggy! Here, we can all take off a finger to help you!” suggested Jeremy

“You would do that? For me?”

“Anything for you sweet pea,” said Marjory lovingly

Hubert took a pocket knife out of his (wait for it) pocket and proceeded to chop off everyone fingers. Except Shrignold’s of course.

Milford pulled a glass jar out of his inner jacket pocket and picked up everyone’s fingers and put them in the glass jar.

“I HAVE AN IDEA FOR A NAME FOR OUT SQUAD. HOW ABOUT… THE FIVE FINGERS (omg its like it was planned dsfnjksdbvjadbv)!!!!!” screamed Milford because seriously who else?

#the five fingers #weve only got 5 minutes until our shows on #jaz writes

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keepingupwithfundies · 6 years

Text

Counting On Season 8 Episode 1: It’s All Greek to Me!

Sorry I am late to the party on this one but here is the new Counting On episode!

-T

This begins with a catch up-narrated by Jessa. Jinger & Jeremy in Laredo, Joy’s pregnancy announcement, Joe & Kendra’s wedding, Jana working on houses and her garden, John is flying, Josiah is working on the car lot but there is a special someone. Jessa says she is keeping busy with her little boys.

Josiah is getting ready, and the guys say he has been on his phone more and spending more on deodorant. Jason says it’s all about Lauren. Josiah says today he is going to ask Lauren to court. Josiah says they met them 7 or 8 years ago and have seen them at conferences ever since. He said he asked Mr. Swanson about the courtship and apparently he said that would be “fine.” They were friends for a while and this is a big decision that will change your life. Jana says Lauren has brought new life into Josiah and Jessa says they’ve been talking non-stop.

The older Duggars go to Lauren’s house in Arkansas, where they have just moved. Jessa says the Swansons also have a boatload of kids and homeschool and that they already consider Lauren a sister. They head off to dinner and Lauren says moving in from a different state was hard but the Duggars have made them feel at home. Jessa jokes that one particular person is happier they are closer and Lauren giggles and smiles. Lauren has just graduated from college (I’m thinking with an associates, but hey, good for her!) Lauren says they started working together a lot at Joe & Kendra’s wedding and he would do anything for her. Lauren said they once video chatted for five hours. Jessa says long phone conversations are great because there are not little chaperones rolling their eyes at you (maybe don’t bring your little siblings on your dates then?) Lauren says since moving her they have seen each other like everyday. Joy asks if she laughs at his jokes and Lauren says yes but sometimes she does say that’s funny. Kendra says she is the perfect personality for him. The Duggars tell her about the chocolate mess and Lauren says she is not having sugar. Jessa says she is heath conscious and Josiah has a major sweet tooth. Jessa says she balances Josiah well. The Duggars enjoy their sweets while Lauren has fruit. Josiah is on the way and he is nervous.

Josiah walks up with a chair and ask if there is anything else he can get for them. They side hug and Lauren says this is a surprise. He asks what they’ve been talking about- Jessa says life, and Lauren says you. He asks how they got on that subject, and Lauren says he is a big deal in her life. Josiah says he has enjoyed talking and spending time with her and eh asks if she would want to go the next step and asks if she wants to enter a courtship. She says she would love to and the sisters go “yay” and they are excited. Josiah jokes she is kind of speechless but she says he will make ups for it. As for courtship advice, Joe and Kendra say “enjoy the moment, you only get to do it once.” Sorry, Marjorie. Kendra says marriage is around the corner pretty fast. Josiah asks if they’ll go really fast or slow and she says well that is up to you.

Joe and Kendra are heading to Greece for their honeymoon. They stayed local for a bit before heading to Greece. Joe says they chose Greece for the history and culture. Kendra is wearing glasses and she looks so cute in them. They are excited to travel. Joe says now that they are married they can be alone together and they literally cannot keep their hands off each other. They enjoy being married, they tell the producer.

They arrive in Athens and are shown around their hotel and they are looking forward to spending time in the city. The first thing they do is go to Mars Hill, which is where Paul preached to Athenians but the sermon on the plaque is in Greek. It’s all Greek to me! Joe says, and Jessa jokes they’re going to hear that a lot on their honeymoon. They take a selfie and they joke they don’t have anyone around to take their picture now.

Next, Joe and Kendra have lunch on a platform in the sky to take in the views. Neither of them are bothered by heights. A crane lifts them up and slowly rotates them. This seems really cool. Kendra points out the acropolis and says it is where temples to the Greek Gods are. They ask the Duggars if they can name Greek gods; they cannot. A twin named Napoleon; Jeremy says Zeus, Si says Hercules. Ben names quite a few. Kendra chats with the woman next to her, says they are on their honeymoon. Joe jokes that Kendra found a friend really quickly while he focused on the food. The woman asks if Kendra is working, and she says she will stay at home and help with his car sales business. The woman asks how many kids they want, and Kendra says however many the Lord gives them and that Joe is one of 19. They enjoyed their lunch in the sky.

In Laredo, Jinger and Jeremy are having an art class date. There are a few other students there and they joke about being terrible artists. The art teacher has them draw each other to practice drawing faces. The producers ask Ben if he ever tried to draw Jessa and he says no medium could capture the beauty of her personality. The producers make them draw each other on white boards- and the other couples, Jed and Jer, and Josiah and Jason. The couples/brothers laugh at their attempts to draw each other. Ben says at first he thought he should just draw things that represent her, and Jessa says “cougar.” Jinger and Jeremy talk about their pictures and the teacher says there is potential there but they need more practice.

Back in Greece, Joe and Kendra are going on a food talking tour. They take the subway but the ticket kiosk is in Greek. They actually figure it out and find an English button and buy tickets. They ask a Greek man to point them in the right direction and he shows them. Joe says “Si” but does make fun of himself for it. Kendra has never been on a subway before. “It’s a first for me. Most things are. I haven’t experienced a lot” Kendra says. They arrive in the right place and start looking for their guide who finds them quickly and shows them around. Kendra isn’t too sure about the spinach pie but she does tries it. Next, they go to the meat market and Kendra is overwhelmed with the smell. She shows them testicles and Kendra giggles. Next, they take them to the vegetable market. Kendra tries and olive which Joe isn’t a fan of and then makes him kiss her. She cannot stop laughing at him. Next, they buy ingredients to make a Greek Salad. They chop vegetables and the guide asks who will do the cooking in the house. Joe says Kendra is the better cook, and the guide says he is doing such a good job he should cook for her. They enjoyed the tour, and learned there is no lettuce is a Greek salad. The guide said they were very nice and cute together. They enjoy the salad together.

Joe and Kendra head to Santorini, one of the Greek islands, by ferry. Kendra says she has learned that Joe is a deep sleeper and that he likes to lick his plate but she has asked him not to do it in public. Joe says he thinks Jessa taught him that. Joy says she learned Austin could not sleepy and cuddle on their honeymoon. Jeremy says he learned how bubbly and humorous Jinger is. Joe and Kendra enjoy being on the front of the boat, she puts her arms out and they look at the islands. Jessa says Ben is meticulous and irons his t-shirts and jeans. They arrive in Santorini to a beautiful resort.

Back in Arkansas, Jessa says Ben has one year left of school, Henry is crawling, Spurgeon is talking a lot and it is an exciting time. Ben is cooking for their third anniversary while she gets her nails done with her sisters. Spurgeon is napping and Jessa heads out.

Back on Santorini, Joe has gotten a four by four to get around. Joe tries to see how fast he can go and Kendra says “no, sir”! They arrive at the beach to go paddleboarding. It is a black sand beach. They get paddle boards and are given instructions. Kendra has some trouble, Joe stands up and immediately falls off. Kendra tries to stand and does some slipping. Joe says it would be easier in a lake without the waves. Eventually they get it a little more and they finish paddle boarding. They conclude: it was epic.

Jessa talks with Joy and Jana at the nail salon about Ben having both boys and making dinner. Henry is happily crawling around. Ben has quinoa, herbs, steak and a custom designed necklace. Henry starts fussing and Ben has a tough time cooking and trying to calm him down. Ben gives him some cheerios and he starts falling asleep in his high chair. Joy is in her second trimester and says she is feeling good. Austin says it is slowly sinking in that he will be a dad. the manicurist suggests that Jessa should have Austin watch the two boys for practice. Jessa says time is flying and that this was a special anniversary gift from Ben. Spurgie wakes up and Henry is awake when Jessa returns. Jessa says Henry sometimes has a hard time when she goes away. Ben says they should eat before it gets cold and they set Henry at the table and put a cartoon on for Spurgeon. Joe and Kendra says they are good examples of them always putting their relationship first and working as a team. They are asked how marriage is different than they thought it would be, but there is a lot of butterflies and romance and also doing life together and it is different to actually experience it. Jessa says there are arguments and disagreements and everything they dealt with with the scandals but it brought them together. Ben says what if they have another kid before four years- Jessa says it is possible. Jessa say the kids add another level of excitement but you cannot imagine life without them and seeing Ben as a dad has made her fall in love with him even more than she could have imagined. Ben tells Jessa not to look as he gets desert and he gives her the White’s Jewelry box with the necklace he designed for her and she said it was a really special day and she was spoiled.

Back in Greece, they explore Fira, Santorini. There are musicians performing and coming down the street and Joe and Kendra take in their performance. Joe doesn’t realize you get kissed on both cheeks and almost gets a kiss on the lips. Kendra thinks this is funny. They have Joe and Kendra break plates for good luck and then everyone says Opa! They have all the Duggars say it and Joe and Kendra really enjoyed that. Joe says they are excited to getting home and getting settled into their new house. They ask if there will be a baby soon and Kendra says she is not pregnant that she knows of. Kendra says they’ll find out eventually.

#CO season 8 #recap

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moontours · 3 years

Note

I love when authors give out tidbits/confirm things like subtext and off panel happenings, but every time it happens I just remember that even though the author says it on Twitter, if it’s not on panel it’s not considered canon by definition of what canon is. And years and years from now, when Twitter and such are far in the past, all people will have to go on is the actual text, not the Word of God stuff

YES, EXACTLY. like on one hand, it’s nice to see what the authors say and what they imply but i would much rather have it on panel. i do get it though, if it’s something out of their control and they just want to let the audience know what they had planned like marjorie liu saying that johnny and daken slept together but marvel didn’t really want to show that or craig kyle saying that if he was still writing laura’s comics, he would’ve had her come out or the script that jeremy whitley showed where he wrote canon amerikate for a secret wars story but ended up being nixed by marvel. like it sucks bc on one hand its like wow, what could’ve been!!! actually one of my biggest issues with this type of tidbits etc is when they confirm characters as being lgbt on twitter but they do nothing about it on page like when whitley was writing nadia’s birthday issue and confirmed that tommy was bisexual but we didnt see any indication of that on page. granted tho, it is smt that was speculated and we DID get it in the emperor hulkling issue later on but. u knwo what i mean. it’s just better if they want to confirm something, they do it on panel rather than behind the scenes

#i totally get it when its out of their hands though like #that just straight up sucks n theres really nothing we could do #anon #asks

0 notes

djgeekdout · 3 years

Video

Space Trash from Alex Ptak on Vimeo.

Three rapscallions living on a corporate mars colony decide to rob their town's 3D printing factory for stamps. Will rapscallion antics ensue? Yes.

---------------------------------------- CREDITS

Mail Fraud Mary — Tara Jean O’Brien Hot Ronda — Sallie Smith-Fitch Ernest —Brandon Scott Wolf Diane — Idil Mohammad Brey Mrs. Ramirez — Rhonda Hamberger Mr. Ramirez —James Austin Johnson Lab Worker 1 — Chris Ptak Lab Worker 2 — Alex Ptak

Writer — Alex Ptak Director — Alex Ptak Director of Photography — Doug Porter Producers — Columbia Tatone, Doug Porter, Alex Ptak Executive Producers — Tom Ptak, Dennis Curran, Prop Master — Vinny Zazzero 1st AC - Matt Tompkins Key Grip — Mike Meyerson Gaffer — Patrick Walter Swing — Marizo Siller Sound —Jack Goodman Production Design — Alyssa Kaufman PAs — Chris Ptak, Mike Quinlan Merch Art Design — Danny Felts Editor — Danny Felts After Effects —Danny Vega Audio Mastering and Design — David Porter Color Correction — Doug Porter

Extra Special Thanks To: Dave Bergmann, Forrest Viola, Lauren Wells, Darren Caulley, Arman Mohazzabfar, Jeremy Hammond, Ben Wasserman

Kickstarter Backers: Vicky and Jeff Kaufman, Paul McPartland, Marjorie Curran and Paul McArdle, Meg and Mike McGlin, Brendan Curran, John and Jen Curran, Kevin and Mary Lou Quinlan, Nancy and Cliff Berger, John Bulian, Mindy Sherman, Eric Blattberg, Rosemary Cooke, Katie Rose Leon, Mike Quinlan, Austen Taylor, Thomas Constantine Moore, Andrew Tavin, John Bilancini, Ryan Stanisz, Deidre Smith, Matt Hoffman, Michael Selden, Greg Warner, Defne Gencler, Jeremy Kaplowitz, Kevin Stedtfeld, Francisco Gil-Culpello, Stephen Rubino, Nancy and Stan Curran

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readbykena-blog · 6 years

Text

13 years - 305 books

I am an avid reader and friends frequently ask me what I am reading. Here I will try and post a brief review of each book I read. To begin with here is a list of books I have read over the last 13 years. Feel free to ask me any questions.

2017: (22)

-Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

-Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell

-Corporate Communication, Theory & Practice by Joep Cornelissen

-Mariette in Ecstasy by Ron Hansen

-Where'd You Go Bernadette by Maria Semple

-A Long Walk to Water by Linda Sue Park

-Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance

-Theorizing Crisis Communication by Timothy Sallow and Matthew Seeger

-Infamous Scribblers: The Founding Fathers and the Rowdy Beginnings of American Journalism by Eric Burns

-The Global Public Relations Handbook by Krishnamurthy Sriramesh and Dejan Vercic

-The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

-When My Name was Keoko by Linda Sue Park

-The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales by Oliver Sacks

- Introducing Communication Research by Donald Treadwell

- We are never meeting in real life by Samantha Irby

- Ethics in Public Relations by Kathy Fitzpatrick and Carolyn Bronstein

- The Gene: An Intimate History by Siddhartha Mukherjee

- Freedom by Jonathan Franzen

- Origin by Dan Brown

- What Happened by Hillary Rodham Clinton

- Social Media Communication by Jeremy Harris Lipshultz

- A Long Walk to Freedom by Nelson Mandela

2016: (20)

-A Renegade History of the United States by Thaddeus Russell

-Being Mortal by Atul Gawande

-The Underground Abductor by Nathan Hale

-Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote

-The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros

-The Other Wes Moore by Wes Moore

-The Speechwriter by Barton Swaim

- In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

-The Aviator's Wife by Melanie Benjamin

-The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

-But What If We're Wrong by Chuck Klosterman

-Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

-Brewster by Mark Slouka

-Rosemary The Hidden Kennedy Daughter by Kate Clifford Larson

-The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman

-The Diary of a Nobody by George and Weedon Grossmith

-Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

-The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid

-The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

-A Man Called Ove by Frederick Backman

2015: (29)

-All The Truth Is Out by Matt Bai

-Double Down by Mark Halperin and John Heilemann

-The Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri

-Dad is Fat by Jim Gaffigan

-Yes Please by Amy Poehler

-A Lesson Before Dying by Ernest J. Gaines

-All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

-The Girls of Atomic City by Denise Kiernan

-The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway

-To Have and Have Not by Ernest Hemingway

-In Our Time by Ernest Hemingway

-A Country Doctor by Franz Kafka

-The Garden of Eden by Ernest Hemingway

-Persuading Scientists by Hamid Ghanadan

-The Splendid Things We Planned by Blake Bailey

-Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari

-A Heartbreaking Word of Staggering Genius by David Eggers

-Polio, An American Story by David Oshinsky

-The Naked and the Dead by Norman Mailer

-Go Set A Watchman by Harper Lee

-One Summer America, 1927 by Bill Bryson

-Brain on Fire by Susannah Catalan

-The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

-The Making of Modern Medicine by Michael Bliss

-People I Want to Punch in the Throat by Jen Mann

-Internal Medicine by Terrence Holt

-The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri

-The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni

-The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd

2014: (10)

-David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell

-Why Grizzly Bears Should Wear Underpants by The Oatmeal

-Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer

-Wild by Sheryl Strayed

-Stiff by Mary Roach

-An Abundance of Katherines by John Green

-Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

-Dataclysm by Christian Rudder

-Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracey Kidder

-Columbine by Dave Cullen

2013: (13)

-The Next Best Thing by Jennifer Weiner

-The Path Between The Seas by David McCullough

-Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls by David Sedaris

-I Wear the Black Hat by Chuck Klosterman

-Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama

-A Hologram For The King by Dave Eggers

-Inferno by Dan Brown

-The Orphan Master's Son by Adam Johnson

-Heads in Beds by Jacob Tomsky

-Monkey Mind by Daniel Smith

-The Brief Wondrous Live of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz

-Truth in Advertising by John Kenny

-The Cell Game by Alex Prud'Homme

2012: (16)

-Walden by Henry David Thoreau

-Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau

-The Visible Man by Chuck Klosterman

-Overtreated By Shannon Brownlee

-Listen To Your Heart by Fern Michaels (TERRIBLE BOOK!)

-The Ten, Make That Nine Habits of Very Organized People. Make That Ten, by Steve Martin

-The Pleasure of My Company by Steve Martin

-Baby Proof by Emily Giffen

-Natural Experiments of History by Jared Diamond

-The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

-The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander

-Major Pettigrew's Last Stand by Helen Simonson

-Secrets of The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg

-A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson

-The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

-Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver

2011: (20)

-Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson

-I Feel Bad About My Neck by Nora Ephron

-Tinkers by Paul Harding

-How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

-What the Dog Saw by Malcolm Gladwell

-The Jungle by Upton Sinclair

-The Emperor of All Maladies by Siddhartha Mukherjee

-An Object of Beauty by Steve Martin

-Tea Time For the Traditionally Built by Alexander McCall Smith

-Bossypants by Tina Fey

-The Pearl by John Steinbeck

-Summer Sisters by Judy Blume

-Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillian and Al Switzler

-Beautiful Boy by David Sheff

-The Paris Wife by Paula McLain

-Of Thee I Zing by Laura Ingraham

-A Dog's Purpose by W. Bruce Cameron

-Rules of Civility by Amor Towles

-The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot

-Trust Me I'm Dr. Ozzy by Ozzy Osbourne

2010: (26)

- History's Worst Decisions and the people who made them by Stephen Weir

- Junky by William S. Burroughs

- One Fifth Avenue by Candace Bushnell

- Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman

- Food Rules by Michael Pollan

- Noah's Compass by Anne Tyler

- Breathing Lessons by Anne Tyler

- Drive by Daniel Pink

-The Help by Kathryn Stockett

-The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

-US Americans Talk About Love Edited by John Bowe

-For You Mom, Finally by Ruth Reichl

-The Financial Lives of the Poets by Jess Walter

-Cowboys Are My Weakness by Pam Houston

-The Girl Who Played With Fire by Stieg Larsson

-Barrel Fever by David Sedaris

-You Are Not a Stranger Here by Adam Haslett

-Travels with Charley by John Steinbeck

-The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

-The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson

-I'm a Stranger Here Myself by Bill Bryson

-The Heretic's Daughter by Kathleen Kent

-Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk by David Sedaris and Ian Falconer

-Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller

-A Girl Named Zippy by Haven Kimmel

2009: (22)

• Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

• Remember Me? By Sophie Kinsella

• A Long Way Gone, memoirs of a boy soldier by Ishmael Beah

• Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher

• Slummy Mummy by Fiona Neill

• Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammet

• Crawfish Mountain by Ken Wells

• My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler

• Disgrace by J.M. Coetzee

• A Fraction of the Whole by Steve Toltz

• Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse

• Mistakes Were Made, by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson

• Gertrude by Herman Hesse

• The Sportswriter by Richard Ford

- Born to Run by Christopher McDougall

- The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold

- Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

- When You are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris

- Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris

- Bright-Sided by Barbara Ehrenreich

-The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown

-Super Freakonomics by Levitt and Dubner

2008: (21)

• The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama

• Inside the Minds, The Art of Public Relations by CEOs

• Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

• Savage Inequalities by Jonathan Kozol

• The Pig Did It by Joseph Caldwell

• The Known World by Edward P. Jones

• Dark Roots by Cate Kennedy

• East of Eden by John Steinbeck

• Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susan

• Wired by Bob Woodward

• One Pill Makes You Smaller by Lisa Dierbeck

• A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley

• Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg

• Pound for Pound by F.X. Toole

• All the Way Home by David Giffels

• Bonk by Mary Roach

• In Patagonia by Bruce Chatwin

• Then We Came To The End by Joshua Ferris

• The Sea by John Banville

• Downtown Owl by Chuck Klosterman

• Female Chauvinist Pigs, Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture by Ariel Levy

2007: (28)

• Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

• 1984 by George Orwell

• What Ifs? Of American History edited by Robert Cowley

• The Executioner’s Song by Norman Mailer

• Rabbit, run by John Updike

• Life of Pi by Yann Martel

• The Armies of the Night by Norman Mailer

• Pigtopia by Kitty Fitzgerald

• FiSH by Stephen Lundin, Harry Paul and John Christensen

• The Witness for the Prosecution and Other Stories by Agatha Christie

• 1776 by David McCullough

• Summer at Tiffany by Marjorie Hart

• Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

• Absurdistan by Gary Shteyngart

• Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

• Fall on Your Knees by Ann-Marie MacDonald

• Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver

• Babbitt by Sinclair Lewis

• The Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards

• Men at Arms by Evelyn Waugh

• A Dog Year by Jon Katz

• 1491 New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus by Charles Mann

• IV by Chuck Klosterman

• Devil in the Details by Jennifer Traig

• The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith

• The Worst Hard Time by Timothy Egan

• Born Standing Up by Steve Martin

• No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy

2006: (27)

• Collapse, How societies choose to fail or succeed by Jared Diamond

• The World is Flat by Thomas Friedman

• Freakonomics by Levitt & Dubner

• Harry and Ike by Steve Neal

• State of Denial by Bob Woodward

• Crossroads in American History by James McPherson & Alan Brinkley

• The Lexus & The Olive Tree by Thomas Friedman

• The Lessons of History by Will & Ariel Durant

• Strategery by Bill Sammon

• Still Life With Woodpecker by Tom Robbins

• Japanese Canadian Redress, The Toronto Story

• The Untold Story of the Yom Kippur War by Howard Blum

• The Sheltering Sky by Paul Bowles

• Cat Among the Pigeons by Agatha Christie

• Red Weather by Pauls Toutonghi

• Wifey by Judy Blume

• Frantic Transmissions to and from LA by Kate Braverman

• Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs

• Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald

• A Handful of Dust by Evelyn Waugh

• The Shipping News by Annie Proulx

• The Curious Incident of the dog in the Night-time by Mark Hadden

• A Million Little Pieces by James Frey

• Marley & Me by John Grogan

• The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

• Lipstick Jungle by Candace Bushnell

• Boni y Tigre by Kathrin Sander

2005: (51)

• Guns, Germs, And Steel by Jared Diamond

• The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell

• Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

• Sex, Drugs, And Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman

• The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf

• A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf

• Mary Magdalene by Lynn Picknett

• Hell's Angels by Hunter S. Thompson

• The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe

• Bob Dylan Chronicles Volumn 1 by Bob Dylan

• Smashed by Koren Zailckas

• Culture Shock Costa Rica by Claire Wallerstein

• The Know-It-All by A.J. Jacobs

• Dress Your Family in Corduroy & Denim by David Sedaris

• Naked Pictures of Famous People by Jon Stewart

• All the President's Men by Bernstein & Woodward

• The Final Days by Bob Woodward & Carl Bernstein

• The Secret Man by Bob Woodward

• Shadow (5 Pres. & the Legacy of Watergate by Bob Woodward

• All Politics is Local, by Tip O'Neill

• What's the Matter With Kansas? (How Conservatives Won the Heart of America) by Thomas Frank

• Don't think of an Elephant by George Lakoff

• Confessions of a Political Junkie by Hunter S. Thompson

• America The Book by Jon Stuart

• One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey

• The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett

• Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck

• Cannery Row by John Steinbeck

• Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

• The Call of the Wild and White Fang by Jack London

• Animal Farm by Goerge Orwell

• Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnecut

• The Stranger by Albert Camus

• Empire Falls by Richard Russo

• The Great Fire by Shirly Hazzard

• A Patchwork Planet by Anne Tyler

• The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

• Skirt and the Fiddle by Tristian Egolf

• Drive Like Hell by Dallas Hudgens

• The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

• Angels & Demons by Dan Brown

• Deception Point by Dan Brown

• Digital Fortress by Dan Brown

• The Ship of Brides by Jojo Moyers

• Angry Housewives by Lorna Landvik

• The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield

• Loving Che by Ana Menendez

• Wolves in Chic Clothing by Carrie Karasyov & Jill Kargman

• Citizen Girl by Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus

• And Sister by Sophie Kinsella

• Trading Up by Candace Bushnell

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star-nova · 5 years

Text

The Lives of the RiffRaff: Mamoru Hayagawa-Three Weddings

We Are the RiffRaff Rickie Johnson-The Art of War Vera Sherwood-Little Sister Kali Muburu-Hair Tracy Kwan-Vergil Franz Fawke-Hecklers James Weaver-The Preacher

My first wife was Daisy Stuart, my high school girlfriend. She asked me to marry her at the senior prom.

After the coronation of the king and queen, Daisy went right up to the microphone and said that she had something “of utmost importance” to say; she was an aspiring author and often talked like a novel from the early 20th century. The principal handed her the mic, and then she came right out and said it: “My darling Mamoru Hayagawa, I long to spend the rest of my years locked in your loving embrace. Please, Mamoru, will you marry me?”

First there was dead silence. Then there were murmurs. Then it all built up to a raucous applause. The entire senior class of Waverly Public High School had turned its attention to me and to Daisy. I had only just turned eighteen and barely knew what marriage was. How was I supposed to plan a wedding? Who would be the bridesmaids? The groomsmen? Would we be expected to live together and get jobs, have kids? How were we even going to buy a house?

But I was on the spot, and the bright green eyes of my beautiful writer girlfriend pinned me against the wall. The whole world was waiting for me to say yes.

So I said yes.

The wedding was two years later. It wasn't anything big, because neither of us had any money and our families didn't approve enough to spend a lot on it. We married in the park in the middle of June, when the magnolias were all in bloom. My family sat on one side of the gazebo and Daisy's sat on the other—all of these familiar faces trying their damnedest to look happy but unable to hide how much they knew that we were making a grave mistake. The marriage lasted only just over a year. I went to electrician's school and Daisy never did become a published author.

Next came Marjorie, nicknamed “Marjie.” Marjie worked at McEvoy's the year I moved to Tanager. I went there every Saturday to grab their signature “cakes and ale,” and it got so she was always the one who waited on me. She was an average-looking girl about my age, a little plump, with the straw-blonde hair and blue eyes that designated her as mountain-born. I liked that she had a lot of freckles. They looked like someone had sprinkled cinnamon all over her face.

We dated for three years, and then she asked me to marry her. I was twenty-five, with an electrician's salary, and I had received a promotion the year before. All in all, I was sure enough of myself to say yes and really mean it.

We had a real wedding, paid for by her family, but not without bumps and bruises. I am not a Christian man and didn't want to get married in a church, and though I was fine with having bridesmaids and groomsmen, I didn't think it was fair to make them pay for expensive outfits that they probably wouldn't even like. Marjie, on the other hand, was a practicing Catholic and wanted a totally traditional wedding, complete with flowers and a fairytale dress and a big reception at Stonesville's premiere banquet hall. Eventually, we compromised that we would get married in the park, as I had done for my first wedding, but it would be done by a Catholic minister. The bridesmaids and groomsmen could wear anything they wanted, so long as the colors were coordinated, and I would use my own money to rent the dining hall at McEvoy's for the reception. We had a blue and seafoam wedding under the fountain, and it was the talk of the town for the next month. It was beautiful, and the two of us were happy, but I couldn't help but feel as if Marjie thought she had been cheated out of something.

Our marriage lasted a year longer than my marriage to Daisy. I brought home an electrician's pay, while Marjie kept her job at McEvoy's. Six months into the marriage, we hit our first true roadblock: Marjie was in a hurry to be a mother.

I'd known people who had their first kid by twenty-six. I'd known people who had three kids by twenty-six. I'd known people who had their first kid well before twenty-six and well after twenty-six. What all these people had in common was that once they had that first kid, everything screeched to a grinding halt. The adventures stopped, the dreams were pushed aside, the days of wild fantasy exchanged themselves for the hard reality of two AM feedings and piles of disposable diapers. Hobbies and passions dried right up, traded in for the daily support of a screaming infant, a needy child, and a young adult in need of guidance. At twenty-six years old, with still so much to see and do in my life, I wasn't ready. That's what I told Marjie.

We waited. Our first anniversary arrived and we took a week in Virginia Beach. I got another promotion. We moved from our two-bedroom apartment to a three-bedroom townhouse; the first bedroom was for us, the second was a game room, and I knew well what she wanted that third one for...

“Are you ready now?” Marjie asked me two months past our anniversary.

I was in the middle of Pacific Rim and I dodged the question. “Ready for what?”

“Our first child,” Marjie said with a hint of exasperation in her voice.

I was now twenty-seven. I had been to Virginia Beach a few times and had spent a weekend in the Florida Keys back at Christmastime. My weekends included repeated rounds of Tekken 4 at Dave and Buster's, and chasing Jeremy Harding, Ramona Reinhart, and Aaron Studdard around the parkour gym. I valued my late-night Netflix binges too much to be forced out of them by a shrieking baby. Was I ready for our first child?

“No,” I told Marjie honestly. “I don't think I'm ready.”

So there was more waiting. During the next year, Marjie felt that it was her sole duty to ready me for the prospect of fatherhood. She came home from the library with armfuls of books about the joys of being a father, what it meant to be a father, and four-hundred-fifty names for your baby. I'd always imagined my child to have a Japanese name to match mine, so I mentally cringed as Marjie fawned over future children named Preston, Jackson, Bella, or Emily. While knee-deep in a Godzilla binge, I told her I was naming our son “Gojira.” I had to reassure her that I was joking before she had a heart attack.

Marjie started frequenting parenting websites and leaving child-rearing articles on the couch for me to read. She started bringing home Baby Einstein DVDs. She binge-watched Nick Jr. and Disney Jr. like I binge-watched monster movies. I retreated to the game room while she absorbed herself in Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, or else I'd call up my best friend Anna and we'd take our skateboards for a spin. When I got back, Marjie would be sitting in the armchair with her leg crossed and the face of a principal about to scold an unruly student.

“You aren't taking this seriously at all,” she said, “are you?”

“Marjie, we don't even have the kid yet,” I reminded her.

“You said you weren't ready, Mamoru,” Marjie said. “So I'm trying to get you ready, and you just keep on blowing it off!”

I put my foot down then and there. “You aren't going to get me ready, Marjie,” I told her right off. “I get to decide when I'm ready to take care of a kid. Once I know I'm ready, then so will you.”

She wouldn't come up to bed with me that night. Over the next few months leading up to our second anniversary, that became more frequent.

Our second anniversary came around with no fanfare or celebration. Three months later, we divorced. I never was ready to be a father, and now I didn't have to be.

I stopped going to McEvoy's on Saturday. It was all right, because Anna would stop by to pick me up some cakes and ale. She'd bring them over with a four-pack of Stewart's Root Beer, and we'd sit in front of District 9, Predator, or an old Godzilla film. I expect that Marjie knew exactly who the cakes and ale were for, but it didn't matter because I couldn't see the look on her face when Anna ordered them.

Anna was an electrician at the firm that I now managed, and in the four years we'd worked together, she had become my best friend. The people around here had something to say about men being best friends with women, but we didn't care. We had already established ourselves as RiffRaff, the local misfits, anyway.

In the first two weeks after I'd lost Marjie, Anna was the only one I wanted around. We lost ourselves in kaiju, aliens, and giant robots and it let me forget either one of my wives for a few hours. I figured I was never going to marry again; wives were something that some guys could have and some guys couldn't, and I was in the latter category. I had some kind of fundamental defect, or likely several, that ensured that I would never keep a woman. I was fine just having one for a best friend, but at night when I went to bed in an empty three-bedroom townhouse, its third bedroom still nothing more than a storage area, that's when I missed having a wife. My friend Haru offered to buy me a body pillow. I turned it down.

Nothing is a secret in a town like this. After Marjie and I split, word on the street was that Mamoru Hayagawa was an utter failure with women. “It's a shame, really,” I overheard a neighbor say from the patio at the community pool, “guy's such a looker, yet can't keep a woman.” Only Marjie, Anna, and Haru knew about my first wife, and I knew Anna and Haru wouldn't go spilling that all over town. I was utterly furious with Marjie, and I made it my goal in life to forget she ever existed. I kept my head down when I saw her on the street, and if I ran into her at a festival or some other town event, I pretended I never knew her and walked away. She started telling people that I wasn't over her, and also that I was arrogant and self-absorbed. “He's always been too locked up in his own world to care for others,” I overheard her say to two of her friends, as I was cutting around a bend to get away from her.

Maybe it was true, and it was why I would never be able to have a wife. I knew what was true: I was certainly not over Marjie.

Anna came as a surprise, and yet she didn't. Looking back, there had always been some real chemistry between us, even though I only called her my best friend.

Franz Fawke says that your wife should be your best friend. What kind of a marriage would it be if the two of you weren't great company as well as husband and wife? What kind of a marriage would it be if you didn't like at least some of the same things, or do at least a few things together without it feeling like an obligation? Since Franz was happily married to his wife, Emery, for three years by the time Anna and I wed, he knew what he was talking about.

As it was, Anna and I liked just about all of the same things: monster movies, skateboarding, videogames, Catan. We did the same work, had the same work hours, and saw eachother at all the same times of day. On weekends, we skateboarded together, played the same games, and rode our bikes down the same roads. Anna was always up for anything, even the things she hadn't done before; when I invited her for high-rope climbing when a new course opened a few towns down, she said that she would give it a go even though she didn't know if she would be able to complete it. We completed it together, and got a picture taken that said “I SURVIVED KILAMANJARO ADVENTURE COURSE.” For our wedding, one year later, we had this picture printed on a banner and hung it up as part of our backdrop.

The wedding was two years after Marjie and I split up. I had decided I'd have enough of failed June weddings, and we got married just before Halloween. This time, I had been the one to ask. She'd grabbed both of my hands and said, “Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!” before kissing both my cheeks. Then she played at having antennae with her two index fingers at her ears, and tickled my nose while making Mothra sounds. I gave her a “Godzilla chomp” on her ear. It sealed the deal.

The wedding was entirely ours, with no familial involvement. My family had become fed up with weddings to women I couldn't keep, and though they said that they were happy for us and wished us all the best, they just couldn't support this one. Anna had cut contact with the “tiger mother” that had given her hell while she was growing up, but her father had told us that he would come around to give her away. Anna's sister in Virginia was willing to be her maid of honor.

Except for Anna's father, sister, and a few of her relatives, this wedding was a RiffRaff-only affair. The other bridesmaids were Anna's best girlfriends, Tracy Kwan and Charmain Dekker. My three groomsmen were Haru Sagawa, Vergil Cho, and Franz Fawke. Rickie Johnson played the music, Bex Driver took the pictures, Gilbert Fritz made a speech, and we asked Florence Frost to sing our wedding song, “I See You” from Avatar. Since Anna had connections to the Tanager Community Church, she was able to get their Pastor Jesse Norman to wed us, even though we weren't getting married in the church.

The wedding was a Halloween costume ball, held at sunset in the park. It was potluck, with everybody bringing in a home-cooked or store-bought dish so that we had quite the diverse assortment, and the cake was baked by Emery Fawke. The three bridesmaids showed up in skater dresses styled after the Red, Yellow, and Blue Power Rangers, while the groomsmen wore MIB tuxedos and sunglasses. Everyone showed up in costume except for Anna's father, who didn't approve of such breaches of tradition but wasn't about to judge us for it.

On October 27th, 2016, there I stood underneath an arch of autumn-colored trees, dressed as Raleigh Becket from Pacific Rim. To the left of me were my three MIBs, and out in front, just about every representative of the Tanager RiffRaff. Even though I didn't want to, I found myself thinking about my wedding to Marjie, four years before. I thought I had been happy then, on that summer wedding day under the fountain. But this, oh, this was something else entirely. This went so far beyond “happiness.” It didn't even seem right to call it “euphoria,” “elation,” or “rapture.” I don't think there's a word in the English language—or any language—that described what I was feeling on that night under the autumn twilight, when Rickie played the bride's entrance and Anna emerged from behind the gazebo, dressed in Mako Mori's deep black suit...

Anna kept her last name, Ming, and that was just fine with me. Just about everything she does is just fine with me, and that's how I know that I'm never letting go of her.

At thirty-three years old, I still don't know if I'm ready to be a father. But Anna, who's just about to turn thirty-one, doesn't know if she's ready to be a mother. Both of us have certainly thought about it, though, and it's all right to wait until your thirties to have kids.

I abandoned my animosity towards Marjie a long time ago. She's just about to have her third kid, due in September. She doesn't work at McEvoy's anymore, but even if she did, Anna and I would keep on going back there every Saturday for cakes and ale.

In the middle of a game of Catan, I've asked Anna, “If we did have a kid, what would you want to name him?”

She gave me a knowing smile. “Gojira, of course.”

“And what about a girl?” I asked, but I immediately knew her answer.

We spoke at the same time. “Mosura!”

#Fiction by Me #The Lives of the RiffRaff #writing #work in progress

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savetopnow · 6 years

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2018-03-30 21 CELEBRITY now

CELEBRITY

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Hollywood Life

Is Gigi Hadid Trying To Win Zayn Malik Back? — See Evidence That She’s Keeping Tabs On Him

Good Friday 2018: What’s Open? — Find Out If Your Bank, Restaurant & Favorite Stores Will Be Closed

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Taylor Swift Delicate Video On Spotify — Shows Love For Joe Alwyn With Sweet ‘J’ Necklace

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Media Take Out

Desiigner Caught Taking A PIZZ On Someone’s House!! (PICS)

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People

WATCH: PEOPLE Now Host Jeremy Parsons Rides Ray J's A-List Approved Scoot-E-Bike!

Scotty McCreery Is One of Those People! The Singer Says He Still Sings Christmas Music Well Into the Summer

Former Player Ray J Says He's Going to Tell His Daughter 'All the Tricks' When it Comes to Boys!

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Perez Hilton

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#celebrity

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deantvlove2018 · 6 years

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DEAN TV LOVE: CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 🎅

Hi and welcome to a Christmas special of Dean Tv love.

It is Monday the twenty fifth of December twenty seventeen, the story of this Christmas special begins. Takes place on twenty fourth of December. Christmas Eve that is, the Dean Tv team are playing some music inside the boat as it sails across the river in London. Playing Dean Tv love tracks from one to nine including Dean Tv love Thursday/Dean Tv amie Jeudi. Also the Louise anthem too. “Sounds like the type of music what my mum use to listen to before I was born” said Jeremy. “Yeah I know, I was around that period” said June. “Really?” asked Jeremy. “Yeah” said June. “The intro sounds nice, its like its taking to another world” said Helena. “Thats my anthem” said Louise. “Yes it is” said Dean (my other self) looking at the Dean Tv love magazine. Reading the comic book. Dean laughed looking at the picture of himself in the comic strip enjoying himself at a party. “Are you still reading comic?” asked Louise. “Yes I am but I will continue reading it later” said Dean. Dean tells Aaron to play the anthem again. “Again boss?” asked Aaron. “Yes please” said Dean. “Rewind” said Murphy. “I had no idea what that robot is saying by the way in this tune. Like it is saying glad for the life, I will find you” said Jason. “Neither do I” said Dean. “But it sounds cool” he said again. Dean dancing to the music by spinning, Louise watches him. “Feels like Dean Tv electro” said Shirley. “That was the dream what Dean dreamt about on Friday at the studio, the Dean dungeon” said Brandon. Dean continued dancing to the tune, Louise too. “Maybe we might do a second version of the anthem with Dean rapping” said Jason. “Well it might take long to do it, cos we need to find the sound bites again” said Brandon. “Yeah thats true but maybe in January as part of what Dean was talking about” said Murphy. “What he was talking about again?” asked Jeremy. “Dean Tv techno?” asked Shirley. “No Dean Tv electro” said Louise. “Oh electro, I thought it was techno” said Shirley. “Its not techno, its electro” said Dean after dancing to the anthem. Louise gave him some ice cream salad, with a mixture of chocolate, vanilla and strawberry. “Good mix” said Louise. Later on after the party the boat is now at the docking area. Louise and Helena went to their house by using the train. While Dean is in his room reading his comic, he finished it and then went to sleep. A few hours later he wakes up, the light is on. “Oh the light is on, but I did not turn it on” he thought. He turn it off, then its on again. “Oh no not again” he mumbled thinking it is a joke. The light turned on again by seeing Louise in his room. “Louise what are you doing in my room?, I thought you went home” said Dean. Louise did not say anything. She started to float up in the air. Dean looks in disbelief about what she is doing. “Come with me” she said. “Me float up into the air like you?” asked Dean. “Yes” she said. “But how?” asked Dean. “Get out of your bed” said Louise. He started to float, he looked very shocked about floating off the floor. “Hey I’m floating, but I don’t know why, I like it” said Dean. Louise takes him out of the boat to fly up into the sky, seeing other people flying in the sky. Louise’s friends are flying and saying hello. The wind is blowing Louise’s hair. The two arrive in another world, the Louise world. The two landed on the ground. Walking , seeing buildings, people and no cars. “No vehicles in this world of mine just flying people” said Louise. “Flying people?” asked Dean. “Yes flying people, so we can fly to different places” said Louise. Dean started to get amazed about the things he has seen. Shops, restaurants and cinema. The two to the cinema looking to find out what movie to watch inside the place, until a group of people are causing trouble. Dean changes into Dean Tv man to stop the trouble makers, Louise too with her magic wand. Turning the trouble makers into pigeons, Dean Tv man fights them by using his gadgets. He started to lose energy, his energy meter went low. Some of the villains went after Dean Tv man, Louise helped him by wearing a heart shape. The shape shoots out a laser to Dean’s back by giving him more energy. Helena watches her doing. “Now thats how you give people restored energy” said Helena to the children. “Cool” said the kid. All the trouble makers were gone, being turned into pigeons and flew away. Never to be seen again. “You use a wand?” asked Dean. “Yes, it is for protection. I use it in a movie and it is the same movie what we are going to watch” said Louise. Having some popcorn and drink. After Louise take me to a house so Dean can sleep. The room started to flash sending him to the real. His bed started to shake. “Dean wake up, wake up” said Louise. “Hey why is the bed shaking up like that?” he said. He wakes up seeing Louise, Shirley, Helena, Jeremy and Aaron shaking the bed. “Hey whats going on?, what time is it?” said Dean. “It is nine in the morning and it is Christmas” said Jeremy. “Christmas already, wow that was fast. I thought I’ve missed cos I went to another world” said Dean. “Another world?” asked Louise. “Your world” said Dean to Louise. “My world?” asked Louise. “A world with magic people, flying people and many others” said Dean. “Wow” said Louise. They all had food to eat and getting christmas presents. On the boats of the things what the team wanted. After that the team went to Louise’s house to celebrate Christmas. The puppy got so excited to see them. Having some food, Christmas food and some Christmas pudding. “Ice cream salad?” asked Dean. “There is no such as ice cream salad” said the puppy. “Oh yes there is” said July cat. “July what are you doing here?” asked Dean. “To celebrate Christmas Dean” said July cat. Also everyone started to dance to the Louise anthem. All the characters of the Dean Tv universe all started dancing including the villains. Matthew plays his guitar, naming with the anthem. Also Marjorie who lives inside the Dean Tv space station, in the year twenty one seventeen. One hundred years from now celebrating Christmas with her crew. “Who is she?” asked Louise. “She is your descendant relative who lives in the future” said Dean. “Our relative by the way” said Helena. “She looks like you” said Louise. “Me, oh. She does, genes of the DNA” said Helena. “I like this tune so much” said Marjorie. A man with a electric glove is singing the robot voice of the anthem.

After the party, everyone in the Dean Tv universe shout out: “Merry Christmas”.

🎅

END OF THE SPECIAL EPISODE

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2⃣:0⃣4⃣:5⃣9⃣.8⃣8⃣

#DeanTvlove

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