#anyway my playlist for him is really good and I genuinely have so many thoughts about him

[roger-paladino]

The Lonely Life Of The UFO Researcher

#roger Paladino #everymanhybrid #emh #roger emh #princeton tapes #idek how to tag this I think I'm one of the only people left who cares about this guy #anyway my playlist for him is really good and I genuinely have so many thoughts about him #the song in the caption is just the one that inspired this art #its meant to parallel the building that he took vinnie to #scribbles

[earthtooz]

I NEED ITOSHI RIN BF HEADCANONS, I BEG YOU 😭

·˚ ༘ ITOSHI RIN BF HEADCANONS !

# warnings: gn!reader, fluff and a little hurt/comfort, mentions to arguments, somewhat suggestive but no nsfw, swearing, idk how many words this is but quite a bit LOL, unedited

# a/n: LUCKY FOR BOTH OF US THAT I JUST SO HAPPENED TO WANT ITOSHI RIN BF HEADCANONS TOO. ENJOY MY FRIEND.

no one knows how you two got into a relationship and to be honest, you don't really know either. like how did you bag itoshi mf rin 😨 the most unlikeable bitch anyone will ever meet in their life... (lovingly)

bachira asked you if you were okay the first time you met and rin immediately lunged at him. like, please stop babe, you're just proving meguru's point !

how you met and all is a story for another time <3 because holy fucking shit is it a long one.

but the point is, although rin takes a while to open up, he is an amazing boyfriend, despite what everyone believes :,)

claims that he needs an independent partner bc he needs his space from time to time and you were completely understanding, even agreeing that some privacy here and there is nice.

except as it turns out, rin is the most co-dependent partner there is 💀 it's no longer 'i' bc it is now 'we'! slay!

he literally needs you to go to the grocery store with him and expects you hold his hand the entire time too- literally.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

"you know how to buy your own green tea, why do i need to come with you?" you ask when rin pops his head into your study room where you were reading your book. "please?"

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you accompany him (almost) every time. if you're out he even waits for you to get home just so you can go with him like boy wtf...

well his love language is quality time saur.

expresses his love through gifts and acts of service as well. all of the gifts he buys for you are genuinely so well thought-out, like you almost tear up at all of them. one of them was a teddy bear that said 'you're better than mediocre.' and you almost cried 🗣🗣 okay but fr, he got you an anniversary gift of all his favourite moments with you, adding spotify bar codes to the pictures. there were photos from before u even dated like rin 😭😭😭😭 he is so babygirl pls take care of him.

on that note, i headcanon that rin has decent music taste. he listens to rock and alt, even anime soundtracks 🤣 but bc he's fluent in english, i bet he listens to arctic monkeys and the neighbourhood on REPEAT 🔁

wait yeah lover of music, it just makes sense for him to have a collection of headphones in his room. he likes to make you playlists too :( rinnie :( for me???

(rin also has a love language of offering you the first bite of food. you're sharing ice cream? here, have the first spoon. wanna try some of rin's lunch? he's already offering it. the smoothie he's having sounds good? he's already pushing it towards you.)

ALSO ☝️ BC THIS FUCKER LOVES HORROR, IT'S SOMETIMES TO A POINT THAT IT GETS YOU KINDA SCARED FOR YOUR LIFE... HOW IS HE SO IMMUNE TO ALL THE BLOOD... AND VIOLENCE...

he's SICK for this. you never let him pick the movies whenever you want to watch something.

also like it's a good enough reason to not get on his bad side. mans probably has 100 ways to k*ll shidou and get away with it.

anyways, rin would probably be hesitant to let you meet his family (read: sae). he's not ashamed of you, he's ashamed of sae.

so when his family demands to meet you, rin finally caves, agreeing to a dinner back home. only to find out he had nothing to worry about. his mother and father love you, saying how you were so beautiful the whole dinner, and how lucky rin was to have you. they even brought up the topic of marriage and you and rin kinda just sat there like 😐😁 smile and wave... smile and wave...

internally though, rin was over the moon knowing that you're accepted by his family. he loves his mum and dad, and although his relationship with sae is rocky with no smooth waves in sight, his opinion is... 'appreciated'.

best part was that his mother then turned to sae and went 'when are you going to get a partner as well?' and rin SENT HIM THE MOST SHIT-EATING GRIN EVER LMFAOOOOOOO

they got into a fight whilst cleaning the dishes that night.

rin then takes u home and pampers u, still high from the happiness that seeing u with his family brought 😇

WAIT ALSO - YOU TWO DEFINITELY SHOWED UP TO THE DINNER WITH MATCHING FITS >:o

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN'S WARDROBE LIKE DAMN SHAWTY... LET ME HIT... so he'll 100% shop for you too.

in fact, he's the best boyfie to take shopping, he'll be like 'no that's not your colour, but the fit is nice' or be like 'you might need a different size. this one isn't right' - you trust his judgment way more than your friends.

when you are out with your friends shopping, you'll send rin photos for his opinions and he never misses 💯 drops whatever he's doing to respond bc he's gotta make sure his pretty lover has the best wardrobe!!

rin loves paying for your shopping sprees too. no matter how much you try to wrestle him for who pays, he will always win. you make it even though by paying for your meals that day (the difference in how much money is spent on clothes and food will never compare, but it makes you feel a little less guilty so rin indulges you).

also attentive af. knows your tastes in almost everything, memorised your little habits and how you like certain things done. very dedicated bf once you realise just how much he loves doing things for you.

i just had this thought:

you know how couples post on tiktok all the time? well, you thought it would be nice if you could participate in one trend with rin.

you just thought it'd be a small post to share with your friends but instead, you seemed to forget to turn on the 'only friends can view option', it blew the FUCK up - like ofc it would, that's itoshi mf rin... but the comments were all like 'why are you with him', or 'dump him... you're too hot for him...', or 'you can do sooo much better than him'.

look, no matter how sensible rin is, he's not immune to drama and this bitch will not settle for when people tell him he doesn't deserve you like did YOU GO THROUGH TWO YEARS OF PINING??? I DON'T THINK SO. SIT THE FUCK DOWN.

so he's on your account, picks the comment 'i could treat you better than him', films himself giving the commenter the middle finger before you pull him in by the collar to give him a big ol kiss, cutting the video at the exact time that you both stumble out of frame.

look, it's not the most optimal way to fight back against the haters 🙄 but he doesn't need to prove nothing, not like anyone else gets you all to themselves.

oh this man has a banger social media presence, on his main AND on his private accounts.

he prefers posting on the priv bc there he can freely show u off and be more authentic.

itoshirinpriv I love when Y/n wears the things I buy them

─ megurusundercover when will u buy me things rinnie </3

╰┈➤ itoshirinpriv Choke and die

╰┈➤ megurusundercover kinky ;)

─ isagi11 Hi @y/n !

╰┈➤ y/n HI YOICHI !!!!

LOVES A SUPPORTIVE S/O, EVEN IF HE DOESN'T LET IT SHOW!!! WEAR HIS JERSEY AT A MATCH AND CHEER FOR HIM AND YOU HAVE HIS HEART !!! RECORD HIS MATCHES FOR HIM AND WATCH THEM WITH HIM AND HE'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER !!!!! he doesn't ask for much, just a little appreciation back :<

also don't try to compete against rin in anything unless you have guaranteed victory bc this mf is competitive AF.

will spare you on some occasions but more often than not, will give 100% into everything.

you use this to your advantage like 'hey babe, wanna see who can clean more of the house in one hour?' and HE TAKES IT SERIOUSLY EVERY TIME. to be fair, so do you because like you want a clean house, but rin is SO speedy when there's a challenge involved.

easy defeat every time but you can't be mad.

hc that rin can't cook for shit. so you'll have to be there with him or just ban him from the kitchen straight up.

you taught him how to make microwave popcorn and that's about the only thing he is permitted to make.

even his diet-regulated smoothies are all made by you because holy fuck he somehow always messes up the recipe despite it being really clear and concise.

also you steer clear from him when he's working out because he just looks TOO GOOD working out that i makes you feel a little funny and pathetic 😇

if you are someone who does enjoy exercise, rin would love to take this chance to spend some more time together. you could be doing a pilates workout and rin is in the corner lifting weights, glancing over to you ever so often, sending him winks when you catch him.

loves going on hikes with you, no matter the difficulty, how steep or flat, he just really likes being active and if you join him, he'll be SO happy.

also u know how he loves yoga and meditation? if hiit and sweat-inducing workouts aren't for you, he likes stretching with you and teaching you breathing exercises that help throughout the day.

100/10 MASSEUSE BTW !!!! 👍👍👍👍

ofc, relationships aren't always perfect and especially when dealing with rin, someone who has quite a fair bit of trauma from being abandoned and left behind, it only worsens the tension.

believes you're going to leave him every time </3 like no :( just bc you're mad at him doesn't mean you've stopped loving him.

communication is so important. rin has a tendency to catastrophize a lot so please, put your pride aside and talk to him! reassure him! spend some time with him! that's how post-arguments usually go.

then you'll talk it out calmly, expressing both of your perspectives, apologising for breaking boundaries and trying to adapt accordingly.

this routine is a delicate one and it took months of putting aside your immaturity in order to grow together. especially rin who is so full of pride, but when he realised that his stubbornness wasn't winning him anything, he shattered his hardened perception of self and let you in.

"rin?" you whisper, poking your head into your shared bedroom delicately, afraid to upset the beast sleeping in there even more.

"what," he snaps, sitting on his side of bed in a hunched over position. he hugs his legs close to his body and the sight breaks your heart a little.

"i'm watching 'the shining', you can join me if you'd like to."

he grumbles something inaudible before you close the door quietly, hoping he'd cave because you chose this movie just so he'd come around. it's his favourite after all.

setting out a bowl of popcorn and some beverages of choice, you just manage to get the movie up when rin emerges from the bedroom, all gloomy and moody. he plops down on the opposite side of the couch, chin on his hand.

he's pretending like you don't exist which is fine by you, you know he'll cave eventually. so, you slide a cup of water and the bowl of popcorn to him and settle in, pressing 'play'.

around 15 minutes in or so, you're too engrossed in the movie to hear rin's quiet shuffling, and how he's now crossed the distance to sit next to you. his hand comes up to your shoulder to get your attention and when he has it, rin's quick to manoeuvre you so that you were now lying down on the couch.

he then plops down, wrapping his arms around you and resting his head on your chest.

"i'm sorry," whispers the striker. such simple words with such heavy meaning, especially coming from him.

you know he wants to say more, but you know better than he can't get it out, so, you begin threading your fingers through his hair, just how he likes it. rin softens completely against you.

"it's okay," you reassure.

"you're too good for me."

the next morning there's a bouquet of flowers and dessert from your favourite bakery on the kitchen counter.

rin wakes up at a reasonable hour. he likes to start off his days between 8 to 9 am, with 9-10 hours of sleep.

your sleep cycle has been synced with his because he hates sleeping without you beside him.

unless you have a good reason to push back sleep, he will not stand for it. stop depriving yourself of sleep and give your body the rest it deserves!!!!!

has a set night routine with you.

also i'm sorry but rin loves making out + neck and hand kisses are his favourite to give to you + he loves receiving temple and lip kisses.

goes to parties and clubs but very reluctantly. he doesn't like to drink, especially during soccer season, so there's not a lot of joy he can find in going out, except when he gets to eye you up and down all night and have fun with you AYEEEE 🕺😩

'you can wear whatever u want, i can fight' bf.

one thing you learn abt this man overtime is that he truly does not care how you dress. even tho it seems like he's judging you, he loves everything you wear and will admire you appreciatively 24/7.

#hope u enjoyed ! #quite self indulgent but i can't help it T^T #itoshi rin x reader #rin x reader #rin itoshi x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #itoshi rin fluff #blue lock fluff #itoshi rin x you #rin x you #rin itoshi x you #blue lock rin #itoshi x reader #blue lock itoshi rin #rin fluff #itoshi rin drabble

[noramoons]

seasons (waiting on you).

pairing: yeonjun x reader, (eventual) taehyun x reader

genre: college au, angst, slight fluff at the end

rating: T/13+

word count: 16.5k (i am so sorry)

warnings: explicit language, one (1) mention of alcohol, descriptions of a breakup, depression and anxiety depictions, mentions of harmful behaviors and thoughts, just so many post-breakup emotions being described for way too long BUT angst with a happy ending :)

summary: when your high school sweetheart choi yeonjun is off to grad school, you aren’t too worried about how your relationship will last—but your favorite coworker, kang taehyun, is.

OR:

a study in the seasons of loving and losing choi yeonjun—and how you put yourself back together afterwards.

playlist: telepath - conan grey, let you break my heart again - laufey, back 2 u (A.M. 01:27) - nct 127, i don’t know you anymore - eric nam, drive - ashton irwin, seasons (waiting on you) - future islands

I. PROLOGUE. 

Loving Yeonjun was like watching a meteor shower cross the sky. It was beautiful, and you considered yourself blessed to have been able to see it with your own eyes—but like everything else in life, it was inevitable that it had to end. 

And it ended too soon.

You still remember the day he transferred to your high school—everyone had practically stared as he walked down the hallway, beaming politely at the people at he passed on his way to his first class. He was like a celebrity almost instantly, and not just because he was a transfer student—Choi Yeonjun was beautiful, and jaw-droppingly so, at that. 

You ended up having two classes with him, to the mostly-pretend envy of your friends. They did all say that they would be far too nervous to even try to talk to someone like Choi Yeonjun, but you didn't feel that way. He was stunningly handsome, certainly—but he was still just a high schooler like you. You didn't feel intimidated by him in the same way that your friends clearly did. 

So one day you offered to help him with Mrs. Jung's pre-calculus homework—she was a notoriously difficult math teacher, but this was the second year you'd had her. You knew what to expect with her by that point. You didn't, however, know what to expect with your offer towards Yeonjun—it was just a passing remark you made at the end of class that you would be more than happy to give him some pointers on how to pass her quizzes if he ever needed them. Nothing too serious. 

But he'd looked up at you. Blinked. And then smiled, meeting your gaze with those soft bright eyes that practically made you melt right then and there in that classroom. "Thank you," he'd said, as genuine a thank you as you'd ever heard.  "I'd love that. Could I ask you for another favor, actually?" 

You weren't entirely sure what he was going to say next, but you nodded anyway, despite your gut telling you no. 

"Can you tell me some good places to eat here? My family just moved—you know that, obviously, but I'm getting kind of tired of takeout every single night. So if you have any recommendations that, um...aren't chain restaurants, I'd appreciate it a lot." He had laughed slightly nervously after that. 

Something fluttered within your chest. Oh. Choi Yeonjun, for all his good looks and charming attitude, was kind of awkward, too. 

It just made you melt even more. 

You did end up telling him the best local places to eat in your city, surprising yourself with your own bravery when you told him you wouldn't mind showing them to him yourself sometime—and he replied with that reassuring smile once again. "I'd love that, too," he'd said. 

You'd exchanged numbers, but you didn't really think anything would come of it—it was always possible that Yeonjun had just been polite, after all. He surprised you once again, though, with a text that weekend asking to meet him at the breakfast bar you had recommended. 

Just me? you'd asked. 

Yeonjun had responded within minutes. Just you. 

On Saturday, you stressed for nearly an hour over what to wear, trying on combination after combination of outfits. Everything you had was too old (there's a difference between vintage and gross). Too new (trying too hard, much?). Too short (what will he think of you?). Not short enough (did you time-travel in from the 1800s?). But eventually, you settled on something that was just slightly above casual wear and made your way to the restaurant to be ten minutes early.

Yeonjun was there before you, giving you a small wave when you pushed open the door to the restaurant. You'd thought someone as cool in appearance like him wouldn't be the kind of person to get somewhere super early, even earlier than you—bur Choi Yeonjun seemed to be the kind of person who just kept surprising you. His outward appearance that made nearly everyone you knew practically fall at his feet clearly wasn't all there was to him. 

You learned quite a bit more about Yeonjun that day, and you'd continue to learn more when he asked you to meet him for lunch again later that week. He wanted a dog, but the apartment he was living in with his family wouldn't allow it. He listened to just about every kind of music you'd ever heard. He was a good, genuine kind of listener, hanging on your every word whenever it was your turn to speak. It was a little detail, but you would've been lying if you said it hadn't made your heart beat faster every time you noticed it. 

It wasn't until the third outing that you finally gathered up the courage to ask him what had been on your mind since that very first invitation. "Yeonjun?" you asked, almost stuttering on his name as it passed your lips. Get it together. 

He looked up from his bowl of noodles. "Mmm-hmm?"

"Is this, um...is this a date?" 

He only hesitated for an instant. "Is that okay? I mean," he had started, trying to hold your gaze, "would you want it to be?"

You nodded, maybe too quickly. "I would."

The grin that instantly tugged the corners of his lips immediately melted any insecurities you'd had away. That was always what being around Yeonjun was like—he just set you at ease. 

You felt that same way a month later, when you'd agreed to meet him at an art museum downtown that you'd mentioned wanting to go to. He'd led you through the halls, warm hand in yours, gazing at the different paintings hung on the walls together—different expressions of love and hate and sorrow and every expression that man could expel into a paintbrush. 

Well—you had been staring at the medley of colors and brush strokes on the painting directly in front of you. Yeonjun, unbeknownst to you, hadn't taken his eyes off you since you'd walked into this particular room. "I have something to tell you," he'd said. "I...I don't like beating around the bush with these kinds of things."

You turned to face him at the sudden declaration. Your heart was pounding against your chest loud enough that you wondered if Yeonjun could hear it, but you swallowed down your nervousness and nodded. 

He took your silent reply as confirmation to keep going. "I like you," he said, never looking away from your eyes for an instant. "I want to keep going out with you, if that's something you want." 

You remember thinking that Yeonjun had to have been able to hear how loud your heart was from inside your chest—you'd never felt that kind of nervous excitement before in your life. Still, you managed to nod again, smiling softly at his words. "I'd really like that too, Yeonjun. Because I like you too." 

He'd beamed at you, looking at you like you were the only thing in the room, as if you were a piece of art to be marveled at despite the awe-inspiring works surrounding both of you—and you returned that grin as much as you could. 

And now you're here, years away from that day where you and Yeonjun had both confessed. It's like everything has fallen into place just like it was meant to. 

It's the longest relationship you've ever been in, not to mention the first long-term relationship you've ever had, and you've been fascinated by the way it has evolved. Seeing Yeonjun when you walk into a room doesn't fill you with nervous excitement anymore; rather, it calms you down, simply grounding you with his presence. You don't feel nervous about bringing your concerns to him, worried about what he might think about  you when you overanalyze the conversation afterwards—instead, you take comfort in the fact that he brings his concerns to you, too. He loves you. And you love him. 

You'd spent a year apart when he had graduated high school before you, but you'd promised with teary eyes as you helped him move into his college dormitory that you'd keep this going if that was what he wanted. "Don't, um...don't forget about me while you're having fun at college," you'd quipped in the parking lot right before you left. It was a joke (mostly), but Yeonjun had heard the worry in your voice. He'd smiled at you then, just like he had all those years ago. 

"Of course," he'd said, holding you tightly to his chest in an attempt to not betray any of his own worries about the next year. "You'll have to try a little harder to get rid of me, I hope you know." 

You did know—there was never any doubt in your mind that he loved you just as much as you loved him. Yeonjun had always kept his promises, and that year apart didn't change a thing. He made sure the two of you FaceTimed at least once a week, even during his exam seasons, and both of you always sent a goodnight, i love you text every day, even if it was the only thing you said to each other that day. You'd surprise him occasionally, making a trip up to his university to visit and spoil him all weekend, taking him wherever he wanted to eat, and he'd do the same to you on weekends he could come home. 

You had been so proud of both of you for keeping that relationship alive for the year you were apart, and Yeonjun was overjoyed when you told him you'd gotten into the university he was currently attending. It wasn't long before you were side-by-side every day once again, just like you'd been in high school, and you were still just as in love as you were back then. 

Yeonjun is remarkably smart—but you knew that already, knew it even when you offered to help him with pre-calculus back in high school. That's why it doesn't surprise you when he's able to graduate college early, on top of getting multiple grad school offers for his Master's degree. He takes you with him to tour the schools he's looking at, even though he knows you won't be there for a while—you're as much a part of his decision-making-process as he is. You'd waited for him in that interval before you'd gone to college—you can wait for him here, too.

Being with Yeonjun was like a dream, all of it. 

You suppose you had to wake up eventually.

II. FALL

It surprises you when those seeds of doubt begin to sow themselves in your mind. It's been three months since Yeonjun has left for grad school across the country, but you can count the number of times he's called to check on you on both hands. You know you aren't the same lovesick teenagers you were when he had gone off for college and left you for a year in high school, but you had thought that it wouldn't be that different.

But a good relationship is nothing without communication—you and Yeonjun haven't made it work this long without reminding each other occasionally to keep in touch. So you send him a quick text. 

< everything going okay? miss u <33

You don't have time to wait around for his reply, though—your shift at the university library starts in just under thirty minutes, so you decide you'd better go ahead and head that way.

Your coworkers are all lounging against the front desk when you clock in, clipping your nametag underneath your collar. "What's so funny?" you ask, tilting your head at their sudden giggling. 

Taehyun points towards the study corrals. "Kai's drooling." 

"I am not," Kai interrupts, frowning. "I..."

He trails off as a girl walks out of one of the study corrals, pulling her headphones out of her tote bag before placing them delicately over her ears, smiling softly as her music starts before she heads for the doors. 

You share a knowing glance with Taehyun, who smirks at you. He's been a close comfort as you've started university—you feel blessed to get along with all your coworkers, but Taehyun is someone you've meshed with practically right from the start. Your majors are in the same department, so you've had quite a bit of overlap with your required classes—you and Taehyun have already spent many a day off together back in the library, comparing notes and cramming for quizzes together. He's a much better note-taker than you, which is slightly aggravating, but your memory is better than his, so you usually remember class material better than he does. It's an unusual equivalent exchange between the two of you, but you're both pleased with how well it's worked so far. Not to mention how easy he is to spend time with—you swear your study sessions with Taehyun almost always feel like minutes instead of hours. It reminds you, sometimes, of how your first few dates with Yeonjun had gone (this, of course, is a thought you squash the moment it appears). 

"Oh, my God," Kai says, practically groaning even as you and Taehyun giggle at him. "She's so cute. What am I going to do?" 

Taehyun turns to you, smirking. "What do you think? Think he's got a chance?" 

You raise both your hands in mock self-defense. "Hey, this is all between Kai and that girl. Besides, I'd never date a coworker. Just gets too messy, you know?" 

Beomgyu pokes his head out from organizing the storage closet behind you. "Aren't you literally dating Yeonjun?"

You scoff. "I'll have you know I was dating Yeonjun long before he worked here. Or before I worked here, either." Yeonjun had only worked at the university library his first year, but he'd gotten along really well with Soobin, one of the managers, and putting in a good word for you certainly didn't hurt when you had told him you were looking for a job at the start of the school year.

Beomgyu makes a face. "Well. Shady application or not—you're reshelving the architecture textbooks upstairs since you're almost late." 

You aren't late, actually—you've clocked in five minutes early, but you don't quite have the energy for getting into a mostly-pretend argument with Beomgyu today. So you offer him a wink before grabbing a handful of architecture textbooks from the desk and heading upstairs to the art section. 

You pass several couples studying together on your way up to the third floor. Only a few are really studying, though—most have notebooks and laptops spread out, sure, but just about every other couple on a study date of their own is putting much more emphasis on the date part, rather than the study part. 

Not that you blame them at all—you and Yeonjun used to do the same thing. You remember plenty of study sessions where you'd gaze up from your computer to find Yeonjun taking a silly candid photo of you before you'd scoff, playfully begging him to delete it (which he would never do—you look too cute so focused like that, he'd say). But you always saw them later when he made them the lockscreen on his phone. 

You wonder what his lockscreen is now, you think absentmindedly as you haul several books onto one shelf. It's been months since you saw him or his phone. At that thought, you glance down at your own phone tucked into your jeans pocket to see if he's sent you any kind of response to your message earlier—but your notification screen is just as empty as it was the last time you checked. 

Those seeds of worry dig themselves deeper. 

But you tell yourself again not to worry. There's no point—you and Yeonjun have been through plenty together. You know you have no idea how busy and stressful graduate school must be, but you're sure you'll hear all about it the next time you see Yeonjun. 

It's the same thing you tell yourself when you get in your car to go back to your apartment once your shift ends, checking your phone once again to see an empty screen. 

And again tomorrow morning, when your notification screen is still blank (aside from the outdated memes Soobin is spamming your work groupchat with) on your way to class. 

There's no doubt about it now. Those seeds are planted. You're worried. 

But, as it turns out, only for a few hours—because you do finally, finally receive a reply from Yeonjun halfway through your shift at the library, your heart nearly pounding out of your chest in a way it hasn't in years when you finally see his name pop up at the top of your notifications. 

> hey! 

> can you talk soon? 

You look around the library. It's a Friday night—hardly anyone on campus is studying, but Soobin has still scheduled you, Taehyun, and Kai for tonight—you're practically over-staffed, so you're sure he won't mind if you step outside for a quick moment. 

You make your way towards the chemistry section, where Soobin is currently organizing some kind of midterms display. "Hi," you say, sweetly. 

He turns his head to face you, suspicion tugging at the corners of his eyes. "Hi," he repeats, slowly. "What's up?" 

"Mind if I step outside really quick? I have to make a call." 

Soobin narrows his eyes, and you know he's onto you. But he still gestures towards the door with his head before tapping on his wristwatch. "Just make it quick, alright?"

You nod way too quickly. "You got it," you say, beaming at him before practically dashing for the doors, pulling up Yeonjun's contact information on your phone and calling him immediately. 

He picks up on the third ring. "Hey," he starts.

"Hi," you respond, trying not to sound too terribly excited to hear his voice. "How's school going?"

He hums. "It's alright, I guess. You?" God, he sounds tired—you'll have to come up with something really nice to surprise him with the next time you see him. You're not sure what his favorite restaurants are in his new city, but you can ask around with his friends—you're sure he has plenty already. He's always been that way—that charm of his had certainly worked on you too, after all.

So you make a similar hum of agreement. "It's okay so far. I really miss you, Jjun." 

There's a strange pause after those words—as if you and Yeonjun had a script for your conversations, and he had lost his. You had fully expected him to return the sentiment, just like he always had before. Instead, you hear him take a breath. "Do you have time to talk, Y/N?"

The seeds of worry are back, digging themselves deeper and insisting on growing roots within your head. "Um...sure," you manage to get out, trying to ignore the sudden panic clawing at the bottom of your stomach. 

He sighs, and there's a long space of time before he continues. "...I really wish I could see you. You deserve this in person at least, you know? But...fuck, there's no easy way to do it, I guess. I—I don't think we should do this anymore. Us, I mean—I think we need to be done." 

You aren't sure if you heard him right. There's no, no way your Yeonjun just said...that. "...What?" you say, laughing nervously. "I'm sorry—are you saying we need a break?" 

Yeonjun clears his throat. "No," he says. "Not a break. I don't think that would be fair to either of us. I think we need to be done." 

Blindsided doesn't even begin to cover how you feel. You feel like Yeonjun has just dumped a bucket of ice water over your head through the phone. "Yeonjun—you're breaking up with me?" 

He takes a moment to reply. "Yeah, Y/N. I am. And I'm so, so sorry, I—"

"Over the phone?" you sputter, indignant tears blooming at the corners of your eyes. "You're ending a four and a half year relationship...over a phone call?" 

You can't see him, but you know the wince he's making, judging by the sound of the sigh that leaves his mouth. "I told you, I would've had to fly out to come see you—and I figured you probably wouldn't have let me stay the rest of the weekend at your place afterwards," he says, laughing awkwardly. "I'm too broke as it is these days anyway." 

You just can't believe what you're hearing. This is a nightmare. It has to be. "So...what?" you choke out, brushing back tears threatening to fall from the corners of your eyes. "Did I...do something?" 

"Oh, God, no," Yeonjun says hurriedly, and the concern in his voice is genuine. You know what that sounds like, at least. "Honestly. You didn't do anything, Y/N—it's my fault. I let this relationship grow static, and I let myself fall into a routine—and I just sort of stopped feeling the way I had before. I should have done this before, but I was too much of a coward, and I'm so, so sorry—I know it's a lot to ask of you, but I hope you can forgive me. Maybe we can be friends, one day." 

A long time passes before you answer. "One day," you repeat. "But not now." 

He lets out a short laugh. "I didn't think you'd want to be friends now." 

"I...fuck, Yeonjun," you say, nervous and shocked laughter escaping your throat. "I don't want this to be over at all. There's...there's no way this just came out of nowhere." 

He hums apprehensively. "I don't know what else I can say. It's the truth—I just let myself become bored with the relationship, and that's my fault. I should have tried harder a long time ago, and for that, I...I really am sorry." 

"I—I guess I just don't see why it isn't too late to try now," you stammer. "Why?"

"...Y/N, I don't want to try now, anymore," he whispers, and it's only then that you really get what he's been trying to tell you all along. He's done with you—whatever he felt for you all those years ago when you whispered your mutual confessions in that quiet art gallery, is gone. 

Yeonjun does not love you anymore. How you feel about him doesn't matter. 

It takes several uncomfortable beats of silence before you speak again. "Okay," you say, voice shaking. "Okay. I get it. G...goodbye, Yeonjun." 

He lets out a shaky sigh of his own. "Goodbye, Y/N. I'm so—"

But you hang up before he can say anything else. You don't want to hear another word from him now. You're trembling as you end the call, sliding your phone back into your back pocket. You're going home—there's no fucking way you can make it through the rest of your shift after this. You walk back inside as calmly as you can, sliding your nametag off your collar and placing it on the desk. 

Taehyun hasn't quite turned around to see you when you do so. "Oh, Y/N, you won't believe what Kai just sent—huh?" He frowns, finally noticing your nametag on the front counter. 

"Can you, um...can you tell Soobin when he gets back that I'm going home? I'll come early on Saturday, I'll do whatever he needs me to do to make up for this time, but I really need to go home." You absolutely cannot, under any circumstance, let them see you like this—especially not Taehyun, your favorite coworker. You don't think he'd ever let you hear the end of it. 

His eyebrows furrow in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," you say, way, way too quickly to be nothing. "I'm sick. I...I-I'll see you guys on Saturday, okay?" You turn around and walk towards the library doors as fast as you can, practically making a beeline for the doors—but you aren't fast enough to not hear the familiar sound of Taehyun unclipping his own nametag and slamming it on the desk behind you. 

"Kai, tell Soobin I'm feeling sick, too. I'll call Beomgyu to come cover for me for the rest of this shift." 

"You...what?" Kai practically splutters, leaning over the front counter to call after the both of you. "What the hell's wrong with you two?" 

You have to make it to the car. You can have the breakdown you so desperately need in there, but you are not going to sob your eyes out right outside the university library. 

Taehyun, however, apparently isn't going to let you do either. "Y/N," he says behind you once the two of you are outside, grabbing hold of your bicep. "What's going on? What's wrong? Please—just talk to me."

You shake your head. "Taehyun, please, I just need to go home. I'm going to have a fucking meltdown right on the street if you don't at least let me get to my car," you sputter, voice trembling as you try to keep the tears at bay. 

But Taehyun shakes his head too. "No. We can go in my car. You said you parked in the guest lot today because you were almost late. Remember?"

You do remember—and at this point, you don't care enough to argue with him. So you nod in agreement, following him into the lot in a walk that has to be the longest minute and a half of your life. Once you're in Taehyun's car, though, shutting the passenger door behind you, you can't fight the tears prickling at your eyes anymore. 

"Hey—hey, talk to me, Y/N. Please. What's going on?" 

You shake your head, burying your head in your hands to try to muffle your sobs. "He broke up with me, Tae," you manage to choke out, even though the verbal confirmation of what just happened just makes you cry harder. 

"He—what? The fuck? Yeonjun?" 

"Who else?" you snap back, voice shaking. "He said we've...grown apart since he moved away. That he doesn't love me anymore. But I still love him, Taehyun," you sniff, tears tracking down your face and slipping into your open mouth in what must be an absolute mess to behold. "What am I supposed to do?"

If Taehyun thinks you look a mess, though, he doesn't tell you. "Fuck...Y/N, I'm so, so sorry," he starts, gently. "I know that doesn't mean anything—but I really am."

You shake your head. "No. It does mean something." 

He gestures towards his backseat. "If you want to beat up my backseats, go for it. I've done that after a few shitty shifts before—it can be pretty cathartic." 

But you just shake your head again, sniffling. "I just want to go home, Taehyun. Please." 

He just nods, turning the keys in the ignition before reaching into the center console in his car to grab an envelope of tissues, taking several and handing them to you. "In case you need these." 

You sniff again. "Thank you," you say, even though you know you're nowhere near done crying about this. 

You don't live too far from the university, so Taehyun's pulling into the parking lot of your apartment building before you know it. Your apartment is only on the second floor, and there's a set of stairs outside, so Taehyun is able to park almost right below your apartment. He turns to face you again. "This is you, right?" 

You nod. "Yes. Thank you, Tae." 

He glances for a moment at your door before looking back at you, worry etched on his features. "You want some time to yourself? I can come back tomorrow if you want me to check on you." 

Normally, you think, you'd say yes. You'd want to go finish crying by yourself and getting it all out of your system right before you force yourself to fall asleep—but you think about your apartment. You think about the hoodies in your closet, the pictures adorning your shelves, the stuffed animals on your bed—Yeonjun is everywhere in your apartment. You can't face these remainders of him alone.

So you shake your head. "No, I...um, can you come inside, please? You don't have to stay, I just don't know if I can—"

But Taehyun doesn't let you finish, turning off the car's ignition and opening his door, immediately walking around to open yours. Normally, you'd make some quip here about chivalry not being dead, but you can't find the energy within yourself to make anything of the sort. 

You make your way up the stairs before unlocking your door and making your way to your bedroom, trying to avoid the onslaught of photos of you and Yeonjun in the living room before collapsing onto your bed, covering your face in your pillows and sobbing the way you wanted to earlier. You hardly even notice Taehyun beside you, rubbing small circles on your back while you soak the pillowcase below you, chest heaving with hiccups in between sobs. 

You don't turn around to face him until you feel like you've emptied every tear in your eyes, now red and puffy as you catch your breath. 

Taehyun frowns at the state of you, finally moving his hand away from the small of your back. "Where are your washcloths?" he asks. 

What? "Um...o-on the rack beside the shower," you say, gesturing towards the bathroom in the hallway. 

You're perplexed when he leaves, even more so when you hear the sound of the sink running, but he's back in an instant with a wet cloth, sitting back down beside you on your bed. He hesitates for an instant. "For your cheeks," he says, tapping his own. "It'll feel better." 

Oh. "Thanks," you say, somewhat lamely, before taking the washcloth from his hands. It's warm, you realize, and he's right—it does feel nice on your tear-stained cheeks, especially under your now-puffy eyes—a gentle contrast to the sobs that had racked your entire body minutes ago. 

You set the washcloth down, looking back up at Taehyun, who offers you a reassuring smile—one you've seen plenty of times at the library, when one of you has messed up on organizing a section and had to endure a lecture from Soobin. It's not a bad expression to be on the receiving end of. "Come here," he says, opening his arms, and you let him pull you into his chest without a second thought. It's the first time you've hugged Taehyun, you think absentmindedly—but you suppose that doesn't matter. You're grateful to have him here with you now—you can't imagine how much worse you'd feel alone in your room now. 

He lets you hold onto him for as long as you need, only pulling away when you do. "Did you eat before work?" he asks softly. 

You shake your head. You'd planned on making something from your pantry after your shift, but the thought of getting up and being productive right now feels like a Herculean task. 

Taehyun must be able to see the exhaustion on your face, because he just nods. "That's okay," he says. "I'll order in." 

And he does. You spend the rest of the evening eating takeout from the Thai place down the street on your bed with Taehyun, who stays beside you and makes sure you have a nearly-full glass on your nightstand at all times, to make up for how you'd practically dehydrated yourself sobbing. And you do cry again in the middle of eating dinner, but Taehyun doesn't flinch—he just nestles you in his sturdy arms again until you don't have any tears left to cry. 

He does make a comment about leaving if you'd prefer sometime past midnight, but one look from you causes the rest of the sentence to die on his tongue, and he doesn't say another word about it. 

You wake up in the morning just before noon, and you feel only a single instant pang of panic before you see Taehyun's outstretched limbs on the couch in the living room, chest rising and falling evenly in sleep. You aren't sure when he got up to let you sleep on your own—you hardly even remember falling asleep, but the sight of him causes your heartbeat to even back out for a moment. 

That doesn't last long, though—it's only an instant before your barely-awake mind remembers what had caused him to spend the night in the first place, and you immediately feel that now-familiar twinge of sorrow in your chest. 

And it doesn't go away—no, that feeling hangs heavy in your chest. You know, then and there, that it's going to be a weight you'll carry around for a long time. 

III. WINTER.

You're right on all accounts. 

You never flat out tell the rest of your coworkers what happened between you and Yeonjun, but they must be able to read between the lines—all of them tiptoe around you for weeks. Even Soobin never teases you at work anymore, which you almost miss. You aren't a piece of glass, after all—but with the way that everyone treats you at work, you'd think you were. 

But maybe there's some truth to their treatment. Not a day goes by that you don't think about Yeonjun's words—that he'd basically just gotten bored with you. You know he'd said you hadn't done anything, but you had to have done something for that to occur, right? It didn't make any sense otherwise. 

You are proud of yourself when your track record for "crying over Yeonjun" goes from every day to once a week, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt. Just like the love you'd known from him had been something beautiful like you'd never experienced, you've never known anything as painful as this.

So much of your identity before had been being Yeonjun's partner. For Christ's sake, he was the whole reason you'd been able to get this job at the library in the first place—and now you have to distance yourself from that. You have to. You don't have another choice.

At one point, Beomgyu does suggest going out for drinks after work with Soobin. "Everyone's going," he adds gently, as if that will somehow be the thing to convince you to pull yourself out of your mental wallowing. "Won't be as fun without you, though." 

You force a smile across your lips. You do still remember how to do that, right? Smile? "I, um...I'll have to catch you guys next time. I'm busy that night." 

Beomgyu's eyes narrow. "I haven't told you what day we're going out yet, Y/N." 

You wince. "Beomgyu, I—I'm sorry. I really appreciate you trying, but I just don't think I'm there yet. I'm sorry."

He rolls his eyes a little at that. "I think this is exactly what you need right now, personally. We'll make sure you have fun, I promise. So much fun that you won't even think about old what's-his-name the entire night." 

You know good and well that Beomgyu remembers Yeonjun's name, and that he's practically putting on a show to convince you to go get drunk with him and Soobin and God knows who else—but you can't. Not yet. So you turn him down again, and this time he finally relents, taking the hint and leaving to sort through the returned books bin. Going out and getting drunk enough to forget Yeonjun probably is what you need right now—but you know you aren't there yet (Even admitting the 'yet'—the knowledge that you eventually will be at that point, whether you like it or not—is painful). Wanting to forget Yeonjun is accepting that what the two of you had is over, and truth be told, you aren't ready to do that. You're fully in denial—and you know it. 

But that doesn't mean you're in the right state of mind to do anything about it. For God's sake, you haven't even been able to go through the photo album of you and Yeonjun on your phone yet and delete a single photo. The scraps of sanity that still call out to you occasionally within your mind tell you that you need to delete those photos of the two of you, that seeing them later will just make you feel worse—but you can't. Any act of cementing the end of the relationship is still just nothing short of unthinkable to you. 

You're very much a prisoner of your own mind for the rest of the semester, whether or not you're willing to admit it, as you continue replaying Yeonjun's last words to you in your head, over and over. And over. And over. And over again. It's unhealthy—you know that. But you don't stop. You can't stop thinking about what you should have done differently to prevent this. Sure, he'd said you hadn't done anything, but that must have been a polite lie. Something must have happened. Had you been overbearing? Annoying? Had you changed, somehow? Had he? 

Your friends and coworkers all tread lightly around you for the first month or so after the breakup, checking on you occasionally and reminding you that everything will be alright eventually (a lie, you know). Beomgyu gives you the notes from your morning class whenever you skip. Kai covers for you when you call out of work. Soobin looks the other way when you take fifteen minute bathroom breaks (which usually end up with you crying in the stall) and doesn't say a word when you come back, eyes puffier than before. 

But that's exhausting to keep up with—you know that. Everyone becomes less forgiving around the middle of the semester—you still haven't gotten over that guy? What's wrong with you? You're still missing class and falling behind on assignments? Why can't you get a grip? No one says this out loud to you, of course, but you can pick up on the subtext—the implications between a shared glance between Beomgyu and Kai at work when you're almost late, between your friends when you tell them you have to finish an essay that was due yesterday—looks that pierce like a dagger to your stomach. Everyone is sick and tired of you.

Well—almost everyone. Kang Taehyun is a different story altogether. 

You fully expected him to behave like everyone else—why wouldn't he? The two of you were friends, and good friends, at that, before your life as you'd known it had imploded in on itself, but you wouldn't have considered him to be a best friend by any means. Maybe you had missed some kind of memo, though—because if the way he's treated you since Yeonjun broke up with you is any indicator, his feelings towards your friendship are not at all what you'd thought they were. 

Not a day goes by that you don't eat at least two meals a day, and that's because Taehyun is checking on you daily to make sure you've eaten. More than once, he's driven over to your house with food from his pantry to ensure there is something in your apartment to eat. He helps you stay on top of your schoolwork, too—hell, the only reason you even remember to do that essay at all is because Taehyun reminds you. And yet, these reminders never feel like a scolding, or like he's judging or chastising you—rather, it just feels like he's looking out for you. He's the only person looking out for you, you think—maybe even more so than yourself. 

Which is why it surprises you, one cold, melancholy November evening as the two of you walk home from class, when Taehyun suggests talking to Yeonjun again. 

Your eyes widen. "What?" 

Taehyun nods, shifting his shoulders as he adjusts his backpack. "Sure. I...I think it would be good for you to get more closure from the whole thing. That's what's keeping you so upset, isn't it? That you don't really get why he did it?" 

You suppose there's an element of truth to that. You certainly don't understand Yeonjun's actions—but the truth of the matter is that you aren't ready to let him go. You weren't three months ago when he called you, and you still aren't now. The ache in your chest that you've felt for so long hasn't subsided in the least—like a knife that only digs deeper every time you remember it's there. 

But you nod anyway. "Yeah, I...I guess that's part of it. But—I can't just text him, Taehyun. What the hell am I supposed to say? 'Hi Yeonjun! Miss you, hope you haven't been feeling the same soul-crushing loneliness that I have for the past three months?'"

Taehyun winces at that before turning to face forward again, gazing at the sidewalk ahead of you with a sigh. "Maybe not quite like that. But...I don't know. He said he wanted to be friends, right? I don't see why you couldn't at least try."

But you don't want to be friends with Yeonjun—that's been the problem. Not just friends. You want to let yourself love him again, to feel that kind of tenderness and contentment and perfect warmth like you've never felt from another person before. 

But that clearly is no longer an option on the table for you. What Taehyun is suggesting, however, might be. Maybe he's right. Something would be better than nothing with Yeonjun. Wouldn't it? 

This conversation is how you find yourself later that night with your phone on your bed in front of you, fingers shaking slightly over the keypad from the nervous weight you feel at the bottom of your stomach. You've already typed out the entire message. You should just send it. 

< hey, did you mean what you said about being friends? 

God, why are you so nervous? It's not like you don't know the man—for Christ's sake, you spent over four years of your life convinced that you knew just about everything there was to know about Yeonjun. You knew about his favorite flowers, the piercings he wanted to get, how comically tremendous his appetite could sometimes be and how he'd always compliment your cooking, regardless of how you felt about it—but maybe none of that had mattered. You hadn't known that he'd felt bored with the relationship. You'd let that knowledge slip past you, somehow. 

You press send on the message before you can talk yourself out of it, turning your phone over and stepping into the bathroom to take a shower, hoping you can think about something, anything else to hide the bubbles of anxiety floating upwards into your chest at the thought that Yeonjun may have responded already. 

You practically leap out of the shower when you're finished, hair still dripping beads of water down your back as you wrap a towel around yourself, making your way back into your bedroom and grabbing for your phone. 

Your eyes widen. 

> yeah, i did. 

> would you be okay with that? 

The anxiety within your chest dissipates like hot water under the sun, if only for a moment. Your Yeonjun, and the effect he still has on you. 

< yeah, i would. 

His reply comes only a few minutes later. 

> okay. cool :) 

> i actually thought about sending this to you the other day. reminded me of you

[link]

Attached is a link to a YouTube video—a piano rendition of a song you'd listened to all the time (and probably forced Yeonjun to listen to in the process) when you'd first begun dating. It sounds beautiful on piano, the melody a bright cascade of hopeful and energetic sounding chords, and you feel your chest tighten with warmth as the video keeps playing. 

It had made him think of you. 

The warmth you'd felt in your chest before suddenly shifts to a suffocating cold. This is probably a bad idea. Yeonjun saying he wants to be friends probably means just that—that he wants to be friends. Nothing else. You, of course, don't feel that way at all, if the way your heart had soared when you saw his message is any indicator. You're just going to get attached again to someone you know doesn't feel the same way about you. You're only setting yourself up for more heartbreak—part of you knows that. 

But you don't stop yourself from playing the video again, butterflies rushing through your stomach. 

~~~

The weeks leading up to winter break are infinitely better than the beginning of the semester. You're comfortably caught up and staying on top of all your assignments. When Soobin assigns you more hours at the library, you don't utter a word of protest. One of your professors even comments on how much better you've done on this last essay than your first of the semester. 

Taehyun seems pleased to see you in better spirits too. He still checks on you just about every day, but there seems to be less urgency in his messages. He's not as concerned as he was a few weeks ago, and you almost feel a twinge of...something at that thought, not quite regret but not quite disappointment, either—but you brush it away just as quickly. 

Thoughts like those are easy to push away now that you're speaking to Yeonjun again. 

If it was one of your other friends in your situation, you think, you'd probably be concerned with how fast they turned around on their ex-boyfriend, going from being completely, utterly heartbroken to gushing over a cute TikTok he'd sent—but you ignore those thoughts when they come, too. Maybe you are making a bad decision by trying to be friends with Yeonjun, but you can't find it in yourself to care enough to stop. This momentary happiness is worlds away from the unbearable heartbreak you'd felt before, even if it is likely temporary. Besides, there haven't been any repercussions of this choice yet, anyway. 

Yet being the key word. 

A few days before fall break, Soobin approaches you, Taehyun, and Kai in the middle of your shared shift, the three of you definitely doing the work he'd assigned to you and definitely not talking behind the counter about a movie you're making plans to go see after your shifts end. 

Soobin clears his throat, and the three of you jump, turning to face him. He lets out a sigh. "Are all three of you going home for break?" 

You all shake your heads no. 

He perks up a bit at that. "Oh. Okay. Good! The library isn't going to be open all week, but we're still doing limited hours. Would any of you be open to working over the break? It'll be time-and-a-half pay."

Kai suddenly grabs for his phone in his back pocket, even though you don't think you heard it buzz. "Huh—look at that. My mom just texted and said she actually does want me to come home for the break now. Sorry!" 

Soobin makes an exasperated frown, but he doesn't say anything else to Kai, turning to you instead. "Y/N?"

You shrug. "Sure, I can work. I'll be here anyway." 

Taehyun suddenly shifts, standing up a little taller beside you. "Me too. I don't mind." 

Soobin nods. "Okay, great. Thanks, you guys. I'll be here the first day, but the other four days it'll be just you two here. So..." he takes in a slow breath. "Don't do anything stupid. Okay?" 

You can practically feel Taehyun fighting back a grin beside you out of the corner of your eye, and you have to bite your tongue to keep a laugh of your own from escaping you at Soobin's remark. "Okay, boss," you say, bringing a hand to your forehead in an overly enthusiastic salute. "We won't." 

Taehyun and Kai both snort at your words, but Soobin just crosses his arms. "I mean it. Don't do anything I wouldn't do, okay? Or...anything I wouldn't let either of you do. You know what I mean." He narrows his eyes. 

But you just laugh. "I promise, Soobin. We'll be fine. It's just limited hours, like you said, right? And it'll be over the break. We'll probably be the only ones in the library the whole week. What could go wrong?" 

His frown only deepens at that. "...I don't even think I want to imagine that," he says before walking away, and the three of you only let out giggles once he's out of earshot. Truthfully, as much as you enjoy teasing Soobin with your other coworkers, you really don't think working over the break will be bad at all. 

And in truth, it isn't the working part that ends up being the problem. It's what happens when you're at work. 

To absolutely no one's surprise, the library is completely, utterly dead over the break. You can count on both hands the number of people that walk in for the first three days as you and Taehyun stand behind the counter, chatting quietly until you run out of things to talk about. By noon on Thursday, the two of you are the only people in the library, scrolling on your phones aimlessly with your shoes propped up against the help desk as the soft scratch of classical music plays over the speakers above you. 

You smile when you see you've gotten a message from Yeonjun, opening your messages to see what he's sent now. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Taehyun giving you a knowing smirk in response to the grin tugging at the corners of your mouth—but you can't hide it. You wouldn't dare, you think. 

It's a video of Yeonjun talking, telling you about a baby that kept waving to him on the plane back from his university. His fall break is the same week as yours, so he's going home today to spend the rest of the weekend with his family. 

You take a quick response video, teasing him about his and the baby's apparent shared brain cells before going back to your mindless scrolling. 

Or—you try to, at least. The moment your Instagram feed refreshes, you find yourself staring, unblinking at the first post on your page. 

It's from Yeonjun's account. It's a picture of him at the airport. And he isn't alone. Standing beside him, arms wrapped around his middle with his around their neck, eyes closed and lips turned upward in a practically radiant smile, is a girl. She looks like she's been caught off guard by Yeonjun, but she's not disappointed about it by any means, if the candid joy radiating from her expression is anything to go by. You glance down at his caption. 

thankful for you. 

There's only one comment so far, which you're assuming is from her. 

SO happy to spend this week with u <3

He might as well have put up a neon sign, you think. You know you can't know for sure, but you almost feel like this was directed at you—the caption, at the very least. Yeonjun has a girlfriend. He's moved on from you, in every sense of the phrase. 

Taehyun must have noticed your suddenly expressionless face, because you see him frown across from you out of the corner of your eye. "Everything alright over there?" 

You extend your arm towards him, showing him your phone screen wordlessly. His eyes widen. "Is that...no fucking way. He has a girlfriend?" 

You nod, that all-too-familiar lump in your throat making its presence known once again. "Yeah," you reply, avoiding his stunned gaze. "I guess so." 

Taehyun doesn't look away from you, even after you draw your arm back into your lap. "Y/N," he starts, quietly. Speaking to you the way you'd speak to a wounded animal—gently, but as if you could practically explode at any moment. It almost makes you feel worse. "Are you..." he stops, trailing off before he can even finish the thought before shaking his head. "Do you want to take a break for a minute?" He gestures with his head towards the punch clock on the wall behind the two of you. 

But you shake your head. "No, I...I don't think so," you say. As strange as it seems, you don't feel nearly as upset as you did when Yeonjun had called to break up with you. Seeing that he's already moved on feels like ripping a metaphorical band-aid off. In a way, you sort of needed to see that he's moved on—that your hopes that the two of you could get back together, somehow, were foolish. Maybe this neon sign of an Instagram post is exactly what you needed. 

Taehyun, however, doesn't seem entirely convinced, frown only deepening at your words. "Are you sure? We can get out of here, you know. It's just us in here right now." 

You shake your head again. "No. We've still got nearly another hour—I don't think Soobin would be very happy if he found out we closed the library early just because I flipped out over Yeonjun again," you say, laughing weakly. 

He snaps his fingers at you. "So you admit it! You are flipping out!" 

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms across your chest. "That is not what I—"

But Taehyun is already taking off his nametag, placing it under the counter and grabbing the keys for the front door. He turns around once he's within a few feet of the front door, gazing at you expectantly. "Well? Come on." 

You gesture with your arm at the library before you. "Taehyun, you've got to be joking. We cannot just get up and leave. What if someone needs to come study?" 

He raises an eyebrow at you. "You think someone's going to need to come study? Over fall break? The day of the holiday? Not a chance."

"How are we going to punch out then, smart guy?" you ask indignantly. 

But Taehyun just shrugs. "I'll just tell Soobin tomorrow that we both forgot, and he'll have to enter our punch-out times manually. Shouldn't be a big deal." 

But you narrow your eyes at him. "'Shouldn't be a big deal?' You seriously think Soobin won't find it a bit suspicious that we both just happened to forget to punch out as we were leaving?" 

"Not really. Look..." he says, starting softer this time. "If something happens, I'll take the fall for it. Alright? You need to get out of here." 

You take another glance at the empty, quiet library. It's only an hour early. Maybe Soobin won't find out, somehow, by some miraculous stroke of luck that you know you don't exactly tend to have—but that lump in your throat hasn't gone away since you saw the picture of Yeonjun. So you nod. "Okay," you say, pulling your nametag off and sliding it under the desk beside Taehyun's, an action that wins you a growing smile on the man's face. "Let's get out of here, then." 

You follow him out of the library, watching him lock the door and swallowing the momentary twinge of guilt at his actions. 

Taehyun seems to read your mind, though. He looks up at you once the doors are locked. "Don't chicken out on me now. Okay? I promise. We'll be okay." 

You nod wordlessly. "Let's just get out of here, then." 

He smiles at you—that big ear-to-ear grin that causes nearly all of your worries to dissipate at just the sight. "That's the spirit. Come on. Are you up for going for a drive?" 

"Sure," you say, nodding. Anywhere is better than being here, slowly falling into the trap of your own thoughts that you thought you'd narrowly escaped a month ago. 

So you get in Taehyun's car once again, gazing out the window at the sun slowly lowering against the horizon, oranges and pinks spreading across the sky as if they were deliberate brush strokes from some invisible hands—just as beautiful as those paintings you and Yeonjun had gazed at that day you both whispered your mutual confessions to each other. 

You shove that thought away just as Taehyun parks the car, and you look out the windshield to see where you are. You're at the top of a tall hill, trees around you on all sides as you gaze down at the college town before you. It looks so small from this distance, you think. 

"I've never been here before," you say, turning to look at Taehyun. "I didn't even know this place existed." 

He nods, still looking at the city below the two of you. "Beomgyu took me here once after a really bad shift. Got yelled at by some grad student for not having an extra copy of a textbook for them to loan when they had an exam tomorrow—you know the drill. It's a good spot to clear your head, I think."

You find that you'd have to agree the longer you stare down at the city, thinking about the perspective it affords you. 

"We don't live in a huge college town, compared to some others, but there's still so, so many people down there. You know?" Taehyun says, as if he's reading your thoughts. Again. How is he so good at that? "I don't want you to ever think one person is the only person you could ever be with. That he's the only chance you'll ever get at love—that just can't be possible." 

You know what he means. You even think it's true—you know it is, logically. But that doesn't mean this lingering heartbreak aching in your chest, in your lungs, in your veins, hurts any less. "Damn you, Kang Taehyun," you say quietly. "You make too much sense." 

He laughs at that, finally tearing his gaze away from the city before him and turning to face you. 

But you aren't finished, taking a deep breath before you continue. "I should've never let myself care about someone this much. This—this whole thing," you say, waving your arm in front of you in a vague gesture, "is just so stupid."

He frowns at that. "No," Taehyun says, shaking his head. "This isn't stupid. You're not stupid." 

You shake your head right back. "I let being Yeonjun's partner be my most important trait. It was all I cared about—he was all I cared about. I shouldn't have done that, shouldn't have put him on such a pedestal like that." 

Taehyun mulls your words over for a moment. "Maybe," he says. "But I don't think you should be mad at yourself for loving him. There's nothing wrong with that. And I think you've learned and grown through the relationship—you'll probably be a better partner in the next one you're in, too." 

That thought still stings—of another relationship, of giving up completely on Yeonjun. Even though he's obviously given up on you. "I just don't know what I did wrong. I have to have done something—a relationship doesn't just end like that. Does it?" Yeonjun had been so many of your firsts—and now, he was the first person to ever break up with you. You'd always been the one in charge of that in the brief relationships you'd had before him, the ones that hadn't left nearly the kind of impact Yeonjun had had on you. 

Taehyun shrugs lightly. "I don't have that much experience, but I can tell you that sometimes that is exactly what happens. People really can fall out of love—of course, that's because of their own feelings. Not usually anything to do with the other person," he adds quickly. "If anything, it says how much more equipped you are to handle a long-term, long-distance relationship than he is. You're the mature one. He's not." 

"Clearly not," you scoff. "I'm still the one crying over him, and he's already moved on. Sounds like he's more mature than I am." 

"That I disagree with," Taehyun counters immediately. "The fact that it's still upsetting you means that the relationship meant something different to you than it did to him—he must not have taken it as seriously as you. And that's his fault." 

You're quiet for a moment after that. The sun has almost completely set now, dusk enveloping the college town before you as the city lights begin to twinkle in the dark. But you still find yourself ruminating. The hollowness you feel now is almost scarier than the heartbreak—you aren't even that sad anymore. Just empty. And you tell Taehyun this. "It still scares me—feeling like I don't know who I am now. I feel like I built up an entire imaginary future with him—and now I don't know what to expect of anything anymore." 

Taehyun takes a breath as he nods. "I know," he says gently. "But the future is always like that. You know? Nothing's ever guaranteed, no matter how much we cling to the things we care about. Still—I want you to know that you're so, so much more than being someone's partner. I think you're incredibly clever, and funny, and smart, and beautiful—don't you dare look at me like that, Y/N," he says, only somewhat teasingly as you raise your eyebrows at that last addition. "I'm serious. It's okay to care about someone, but I want you to know that you are still worth so, so much as your own person. Regardless of whether you're with someone or not."

You wish you had better words to say to Taehyun—poetic, soft words to thank him in the same way that he's comforting you. Instead, you let the silence speak for you, losing yourself to the soft hum of Taehyun's radio and the glittering stars that have finally come out in the sky. It's a comfortable silence, though—and you feel those knots of worry and heartbreak at the pit of your stomach slowly start to untangle themselves. Just a little—but they do nonetheless. 

It's long past nightfall when Taehyun finally drives you home, telling you goodnight and looking like there's more that he wants to say, even as he drives away—but you find yourself content in the moment anyway, even when you get ready for bed and slip under your covers.

But that doesn't mean the pain has gone away entirely. 

Taehyun had told you to call him if you started feeling down about the whole situation, but when you wake up in the morning and feel that familiar heavy sorrow in your chest, you don't tell Taehyun a thing. Instead, you let yourself lie on your side and bring your knees up to your chest and weep, burying your face in the pillowcase until it's practically soaked through from your tears. You let yourself cry for yourself—for the version of you who has died, for the Yeonjun you had loved for so long and with such intensity, and for you now who will never again be the person you were before. 

It would be different if the two of you had ended things dramatically, you think—if Yeonjun had cheated on you, or if you had been an unsupportive partner—but none of those things happened. It just ended. And he has already moved on, the way you imagine a normal person does. 

Somehow, you think, that still makes it worse. 

But you think back on what Taehyun had said to you last night, even as you brush away the tears staining your cheeks. Choi Yeonjun is not the only person in the world—it doesn't make sense to think of him as the only person who could ever love you. Yes, your relationship coming to an end still hurts like nothing you've ever experienced before—but already you can feel that ache subsiding, even if those moments are few and far between. Yeonjun had fully severed what was left of the two of you, but it now feels to you like it was necessary. Like it was something you needed—the beginning of a new path for you. 

~~~

The rest of the semester goes by in a blur after fall break. You're so caught up in the mess of finals and work that you barely have time to think about anything else, let alone what's left of your feelings towards Yeonjun. 

If Soobin knows about you and Taehyun closing early and conveniently forgetting to punch out, he never says a word—but you do work considerably more hours than usual in the weeks leading up to your final exams. Soobin says it's the busiest time of the year for the library, so he needs all hands on deck to help all the students coming in and out. Which you do believe—but you still have a sneaky feeling that you and Taehyun are working more than Beomgyu and Kai. 

You wonder if your professors are all in some kind of secret conspiracy to make their students suffer as much as possible, since all five of your exams are stacked over the course of three days. You survive, even after pulling an all-nighter to prepare, which does mean that you should be able to relax at the end of the week while your other coworkers are still cramming. On Friday, though Beomgyu and Kai still have one last final, which is why you and Taehyun both find yourselves working a double to cover for them while they take their exams. It's a long shift, full of snappy students and an exhausted Soobin—by the time 10 p.m. finally rolls around, you feel yourself on the verge of collapsing as you clock out with Taehyun. 

Your favorite coworker raises an eyebrow at your exhausted state. "You alright?" he asks, tapping at his shirt collar before extending a hand to you. 

Your nametag. Christ, you'd almost forgotten. You sigh, nodding as you slip your nametag off of your shirt before placing it in Taehyun's waiting palm, who then moves to slide it under the front counter with his and your other coworkers' tags. "You mean you don't feel like you're about to pass out after that? I thought today would never end."

He laughs a little as the two of you walk towards the front door. "Sure I do. But you saw what Kai sent in the work chat, right? He and Beomgyu are going out later tonight now that they're done with finals. Of course, I'm not sure if that means they feel like they did good or bad, to be honest—but I guess we'll know when we get there. I told them I'd meet them once we were done with work."

You laugh too, pulling your car keys out of your pocket now that you're only a few feet from your respective vehicles. "Yeah, I saw it. But you guys can go ahead—I think I need to turn in early tonight. I'll see you all after the break, okay?" 

The look on Taehyun's face fades a little, and he stops walking right in front of your cars. "Are you sure? It might be fun—you know how funny Beomgyu gets." 

You stop walking too, standing beside him. The thought of tipsy Beomgyu does bring back fond memories of work parties past—the occasion where he tried to convince everyone to jump into a pool, fully clothed, at the house party where you all barely knew the owner was a particularly fun one—but you don't feel up for it tonight. So you shake your head. "No—I'm too tired, Taehyun. But you all have fun, seriously. Just be safe, alright?" You wink at him teasingly. 

But he doesn't return the gesture. Rather, an unusual look washes over his face—an expression of determination that you aren't sure you've ever seen from him before. "You're going home tomorrow, right?" he asks suddenly. 

You nod. "Yeah, I'm spending the break with my parents. Why?" 

Taehyun visibly swallows before he opens his mouth again to speak. You feel a sudden uneasiness develop in the pit of your stomach just before you hear him say "I'm telling you now, then. I like you, Y/N." Suddenly. Just the way Yeonjun had in that art museum all those years ago. 

The two of you are outside, but you suddenly feel like all the oxygen has been sucked out of the parking lot you're standing in. You blink. "What?" 

He nods, gaze unwavering from yours. "I like you." 

He's joking. He has to be. Either that, or you really did pass out in the library earlier, and this is all some kind of dream. "...You like me," you repeat, slowly. A short laugh escapes you before you can stop yourself. "What do you mean?"

"I mean exactly what I said," he says. "I know this is a pretty terrible time to tell you this, but—"

"Yes," you say, practically unable to believe what you're hearing. "Yes, Taehyun, this is a terrible time to tell me—God, why would you tell me this?" 

"Because it's true," he replies almost instantly. "And I'm not telling you because I want you to say the same thing. You don't have to say anything, actually, I...I just wanted you to know." 

Your heart sinks to your chest at that. "So, you...you'd confess to someone who you know won't reciprocate? Why?" 

Taehyun shakes his head. "I'm not telling you because I want anything to happen. Not right now, anyway—I'm not that stupid. I think." He tries to laugh, but the sound doesn't quite come out right. "I just want you to know, in case you ever feel the same way." 

In case you ever feel the same way. He doesn't think you like him back. Hell—do you? The thought of romance has been so banned from your mind for the last several months that you haven't even entertained the notion, whether it was Taehyun or anyone else in the world—but you think about that. You think about the way those feelings of tight anxiety in your chest loosen when you see that you're scheduled to work with him, how your heart beats faster when you get a notification on your phone from him—not to mention that evening you'd spent in his car on the hilltop overlooking the city. Those feelings of warmth that ignite within you every time you'd looked over at him that night probably were feelings of attraction. You just haven't been able to even entertain this thought, of liking someone else, in ages. You almost can't ever remember when—and that frightens you. "I...I think I do feel that way, though," you say. "I care about you, Taehyun. So, so much. You've been the only person I could depend on for the last three months, but...but I think you deserve better than this. God, you should know better than anyone that I'm nowhere near being over Yeonjun. That I'm in no state to even think about dating someone right now." You laugh, tone dripping with self-deprecation. "I'm a mess. I barely even remember what those feelings are even like. You have to know that anything I do in this mental state now would just be a rebound, even if I didn't want it to be, and I...I don't want to do that to you." 

Taehyun nods quickly, taking a step closer. "You're not a mess. But I do know how you feel—which is why I wanted to tell you. You don't have to do anything about it now if you don't want to," he says again. "I just wanted you to know." 

You shake your head, surprised to feel sudden tears of frustration brimming at the corners of your eyes. "God...Taehyun, please don't do this to me," you whisper, holding back a sniff. He's close enough to you that he can hear, even at this volume. "I don't want to lose you too." Things will never be the same between the two of you—you know this as well as you know your own name. No matter how much the two of you try to awkwardly dance around each other from now on, you'll never forget that you had this conversation. You can never go back to just being friends. 

But Taehyun shakes his head fervently. "You won't lose me," he says, voice unwavering before he makes a slight move to reach for your hand out of instinct before stopping himself. "Not if you don't want to. I'll stick around for as long as you want me to." 

You grab his hand anyway, even as he looks up at you in shock. "So...what? You'd wait for me?" you say, laughing quietly. "I can't ask that of you. That isn't fair to you." 

He just shakes his head again. "If you want me to, I will. I'll wait as long as you need me to—I'm telling you, I don't mind."

You scoff a little at that before you can stop yourself. "You say that now, but I...I have no idea when I'll feel ready to think about being with anyone again. I'm sorry, Taehyun—but I don't know how long this could take. You know? I mean, I'd hope it wouldn't be years," you say, laughing hollowly, "but I just have no idea. And I just don't understand why you would do this—wait for me. I mean...look at you," you say, laughing nervously as you gesture vaguely towards his figure. You haven't thought about him in that way before—or maybe you haven't let yourself think of him in that way, you realize now—but you can't ignore the sharp lines of his jaw, the clearly defined strength beneath his sweater—Taehyun is beautiful. There could never be any denying it. "You're perfect, Taehyun. You could have anyone you wanted—certainly someone less fucked up than me. Someone you wouldn't have to wait to be with, I—"

But he just shakes his head. "I most certainly am not perfect—but I just want to see you happy," he replies, voice as calm and steady as ever. You wonder if this is how he imagined this conversation going. "Whether that's with me, or someone else, or on your own—that's okay. And I...you know now. I'd like for it to be with me, if that's possible," he adds, laughing a little, "but if it's not, that's okay too. You just deserve to be happy, and I want to see that happen for you." 

You let his words hang in the air between the two of you for a long, long time. The only sound in the entire parking lot is the occasional soft jangling of your keys when a gust of wind passes by. 

He'd wait for you. 

"...I really don't know how long it will be until I can think about this," you say again, breaking the momentary silence. 

But Taehyun just nods, gently squeezing your hand. You'd almost forgotten your fingers were still interlaced with his. "I'm telling you, that's okay. I'll wait as long as you want until you want to talk about this again—and if you don't want it to go any further, it doesn't have to. I just...just wanted you to know how I felt, regardless." 

You nod. Before you can say anything else, though, Taehyun's phone rings from his back pocket, loudly interrupting the two of you in the otherwise empty parking lot. 

He turns slightly to glance down at it, and makes a face when he sees who it's from. "It’s Kai," he says softly. "They must be wondering where I am."

"Go ahead," you say just as quietly, gesturing with your free hand towards his car. "It's okay. I...I need to think, anyway." 

Taehyun keeps his gaze on you for a moment, mind clearly racing through a thousand different responses as he sets his mouth in a worried line—but eventually he nods. "Okay," he says, finally letting go of your hand. "I...I'll see you after break, then."

You nod wordlessly. 

His words still echo in your mind, even as he gets in his car and offers a small wave your way. 

He'd wait for you. It's more than you could ever ask for. At the same time, however, you realize that it's an admission to yourself—admitting that getting over Yeonjun is still going to be a long, difficult path to walk. 

And when you're finally left in the parking lot by yourself, you find that you feel more alone than you have in a long, long time. 

~~~

The winter holidays go by at a snail's pace. All you want to do is sleep off the fresh heartache your conversation with Taehyun has caused and do practically nothing all break—but you find yourself hilariously bored on your fourth day of doing "nothing." 

Your parents are uncharacteristically lenient of your behavior—they used to never let you sleep in this late, especially if you were home from school after not seeing you for so long—but you know they know about you and Yeonjun breaking up. Your mother had been particularly fond of him, too. Maybe that's why she doesn't say a word when you go to bed early every night. 

It's ridiculously hard to keep your mind off of Yeonjun over the holidays—couples are everywhere. Nearly every holiday movie seems to revolve around a romance, not to mention all the ones in real life that you can't stop seeing. Your friends post about spending the week with their partner's families, about seeing the other's hometown for the first time, of a surprise and sudden engagement from one of your cousins and their long-time girlfriend—it's enough to make you sick. You know that's a horrible thing to think at such happy occasions for the people you know, but the thought forms itself anyway. 

Every time you feel like you've taken a step forward towards healing, towards finally, finally getting over him—you see something that sends you reeling back into that heartache and sorrow, sending you ten steps back from where you'd been. It's a vicious cycle, and as much as you beg for it to end—it doesn't. Not yet. 

Because Yeonjun haunts you in your home, too. It's hard to set up decorations with your parents without thinking about how you did this last year with him—how he had held onto your waist as he reached around you into the box of tinsel, how your mother had beamed at him as he'd helped her cook, how angelic he had looked as the two of you walked around your neighborhood looking at the different lights each house had set up. They were such beautiful memories, at the time—had only made you feel more confident and cemented in your relationship with Yeonjun as each one passed. You'd hadn't ever imagined a future without him. And now you can't help but wonder if he had already felt dissatisfied with you in each of those moments. 

But as unrelenting as those memories are, so is the passing of time—because you survive the winter holiday season, somehow, even with your shattered heart. Your plan is to move back into school right after the new year, which is how you end up at home on New Year's Eve. Your parents have already gone to their rooms to sleep by the time eleven o'clock strikes on the clock, and as hard as you try, you can't help but think about the fact that this is your first New Year's Eve in years that you'll be alone for. 

Or so you think, anyway. The instant you see your phone screen display 12:01 A.M., it buzzes. It's a message from Taehyun. 

> happy new year, y/n

The new year. 

Everything has hurt so badly for months—like a wound that refuses to form a scab, because you won't let it. You're the one who won't put the bandage over the cut, who keeps digging the blade into the metaphorical wound that was you and Yeonjun every time you think about him. 

But what's the alternative? Moving on? Accepting that your relationship with Yeonjun is over? That what had been the happiest years of your life up until now are through? It's unthinkable. It's unfair to that version of you who had loved him with all of your heart to just throw them away—to just lock the door and never look back. 

But it's what you have to do, you realize. You won't ever feel any better until you can accept that you and Yeonjun are done, for good—and Taehyun is offering you a way out. This is the ending of what you've known up until now—but a chance to finally, finally start anew. To put the past behind you and try again. 

< happy new year, taehyun.

IV. SPRING.

The spring semester hardly gives you a moment to breathe. 

You vaguely remember signing up for classes right before fall break—but those weeks were such a blur that you neglected to realize this spring would be your first semester in upper division courses. In other words—you're drowning in schoolwork with scarcely an instant to yourself, let alone to sort out your lingering feelings. 

And in the moments that you do have time to breathe, Yeonjun always seems to find a way to sneak to the forefront of your mind. But these recollections aren't always as painful as they were before. In one instance, you feel a wave of relief wash over you—but only for the single instant that it provides you comfort—when you remember turning down Yeonjun's offer to buy each other promise rings before he'd first left for college. 

He'd pointed at them in a jewelry store the two of you had wandered into while walking downtown together. "What do you think?" he'd asked, winking. 

You'd laughed. "Yeah, right. I hear getting engaged right after high school never ends up going badly for anyone." 

But he'd shaken his head immediately. "Not engaged," he'd corrected gently. "They're promise rings. It's a promise to you, from me. And from you to me—that we'll wait for each other, and only each other, until we're both ready. No matter what happens." 

Your heart had fluttered at the sudden declaration, cheeks flushing pink before you could stop them—but you had thought even then that it seemed like an awfully rash thing to commit to for a relationship of barely over a year. "That's...unbelievably romantic, Jjun," you'd admitted. "Even for you. Have you done something?" you'd teased, narrowing your eyes at him. 

He'd gasped, putting his hands above his head in mock surrender. "I most certainly have not. Can't I just be a hopeless romantic every once in a while?" 

You'd pretended to mull it over. "Hmm. Maybe on special occasions. We'll have to see if we can work out a schedule for your hopeless romantic tendencies in the future." 

Yeonjun had then made a show of wiping pretend sweat from his brow. "Thank goodness." 

You'd giggled, despite yourself. "I'm serious, though. It's a beautiful thought, but...do you think it's something we could come back to? At a later time?" 

Ever the gentleman, your Yeonjun had nodded sweetly at you. "Of course," he'd said, taking your hand in his before leading the two of you back out of the store. "We can talk about the future whenever you're ready. I'm just as happy in our present right now, anyway." 

That had certainly changed somewhere along the way, you think bitterly to yourself. But pushing past this memory still feels like a small victory, in a way. You hadn't wasted money on committing to a promise that Yeonjun had broken.

There are countless more memories that resurface in this way—but by the time they pass, you no longer taste that metaphorical blood in your mouth anymore at their recollection, no longer feel your heart yearning for them to stay the way you would have a few months ago. They just pass, and you don't think about them again after they go.

Yeonjun only texts you once. You haven't sent him a single message since his Instagram post before fall break—and of course, you imagine he knows why. You may not have expected him to break up with you when he did, but you did know him ridiculously well at one point, seemingly both inside and out—you know that he knows you well enough, too, to understand why you've suddenly gone radio silent. But he does text you once, right as the first week of your semester finishes.

> hey. is everything okay? do you want to talk? 

Months ago, you think, you would have leapt at the opportunity—jumped through the screen and across space and time, practically, to have a chance to talk to him for an extended period of time, for a possible chance to win him back. Now you just feel embarrassment towards yourself for ever having felt that way. 

You never respond.

Taehyun's presence in your life is different now, too. You still work together, of course, but you have several shared classes again—so you find yourself studying and comparing essays at either his apartment or yours nearly three or four times each week. It's challenging, all of it, but in between, it does make you remember why you became friends with Taehyun in the first place—because he's not like anyone else you've ever known before. Every time you want to throw in the towel on a particularly lengthy assignment, he has some witty comment that gives you just enough energy to keep going. Every time you come by his apartment, the way the corners of his eyes crinkle as he smiles upon seeing you sends a surge of warmth through you. If you have felt trapped in frigid ice since this breakup, Taehyun has been your sun, ever so gradually melting that ice away whenever you let him. 

And you do let him. One night, you're leaving his apartment after exchanging study guides for one of your midterms. You walk by his side, car keys swinging softly in between your fingers. 

"How are you feeling?" Taehyun asks right before you open your car door. He doesn't elaborate, but you know what he's talking about. 

So you turn to him. "I, um...I don't know if this will get better," you admit quietly. It's a fear you've harbored from the start—that you'll never get over Yeonjun, your first and last—that he will have created your perception of love, molded and shaped it to his design and his alone before shattering it, leaving you to pick up the pieces for the rest of your life. 

But Taehyun lets out a scoff at that. "It will. I promise, Y/N. It does get better." 

You narrow your eyes at him. "How do you know that? Hmm? Are you some secret fortune teller that I don't know about? Is that how you've been able to afford such a nice apartment here?"

He laughs at you. "No. I'm not a fortune teller. But I know this much—it'll get better. I can't tell you when, because I don't know that. It's something you'll have to figure out, I think. But one day, soon, you'll wake up one morning, and it'll hurt less. And then, a little later, it won't hurt at all. It'll feel like it was a bad dream. You'll get involved in other things, other interests, other people, and then you won't think of this when you wake up in the morning at all." 

You nod, slowly. "I want to believe you, Taehyun. I do. I just don't know how long that will take." 

But he just shrugs again. Damn him for being so easygoing. "That's okay. You know where I'll be, regardless."

You do know where he'll be—right by your side, just like he's been for the last six months. In truth, you had expected him to fall back on his promise to wait—you would have been sad, sure, but you wouldn't have blamed him. Putting up with you moving on from a relationship over the course of half a year, now, can't have been an easy task. But you've never heard a word of complaint from him. He isn't that kind of person—you know this now. He really will stick by you for as long as you'll allow him to—a kind of affection you haven't felt from anyone in a long, long time. 

But right beside you isn't the only place Taehyun seems to be. Your subconscious seems to have taken a liking to him, too—because that night, you see him in your dreams. You'd tossed and turned earlier, unable to fall asleep, throwing the sheets off the bed before you curl up into a ball and squeeze your eyes shut. When you finally find yourself lured back into sleep, you find Taehyun—strong and sweet and caring and beautiful Taehyun. He wraps his arms around you in the dream, hands grabbing hold of your waist before he presses his lips to yours in a heated kiss—as if he never wants to let you go. As if there isn't anyone else in the world that matters except for the two of you. 

You wake up in the morning and weep. 

Later in the day, you find tears brimming at the corners of your eyes again when you finally find the courage to delete the photo album on your phone of you and Yeonjun—but they never fall past your lashes, even when you hit the red delete button. 

Perhaps you've run out of tears for him, because none fall when you package away everything else of his in your apartment—every framed photo of the two of you, every stuffed animal he'd bought, every hoodie of his you'd once promised to give back all fit neatly in a single cardboard box, sealed and never to be seen again. 

Without the remnants of Yeonjun scattered throughout your apartment, you find yourself thinking of him less with each day that passes. The ghost who had once haunted every fiber of your being now seems like little more than a bad dream you've suddenly woken up from. This realization hurts you, just like the ones before it—but the hurt doesn't linger. It, too, grows faint before long, dissipated and fading away just like the rest of your relationship. 

The end of the semester doesn't sneak up on you this spring. You have a lengthy presentation for your hardest class, an argumentative speech that you've practically spent all semester preparing for. You and Taehyun practice for each other for weeks beforehand, critiquing and encouraging and teasing each other the whole way through—but it's still over before you know it. 

The morning after your final presentation, you don't wake up until the sun has risen high in the sky, peeking through the blinds over your window and finally raising you from sleep. You stretch as you walk over to the window, opening the blinds and peering out into the street below you. There's a couple walking on the sidewalk—and you recognize the girl as a regular from the library, the one with strawberry-colored hair whom Kai had been practically obsessed with back in the fall. 

She tugs at the sleeve of the man walking beside her, pulling him into a sudden kiss, and you instantly turn away from the window, giving them a moment of privacy despite their actions being in public anyway. 

Well—she obviously hadn't known about Kai's existence, but she'd still clearly been able to find some kind of happiness. The thought soothes you, in a way, and you think about how the scene below you would have made you feel six months ago. You would've been jealous, probably, and upset that you'd never experience anything like that again—but now the only thing it fills you with is longing. It makes you happy to see others experience something that you know feels like a gift. You want to experience that again too, you realize. 

The instant that thought forms in your head, another memory materializes. 

That's okay. You know where I'll be, regardless. 

You feel your heart soar at the recollection. 

Yes, Taehyun. I do.

V. SUMMER. 

Taehyun texts you the very first day summer break begins. 

> how'd your last final go? 

> omg i meant to tell you after work yesterday but kai's parents said he could stay in the beach house this weekend 

> like a very early birthday thing i think lol. it'll be a few ppl but you're more than welcome to come tomorrow if you haven't gone back home yet 

The invite sends a flurry of both excitement and nervousness through you. You haven't gone back home yet—your parents aren't coming until early next week to help you move out for the summer, not to mention the fact that you haven't see Taehyun or any of your other coworkers since the end of finals week. Excited doesn't even begin to cover it, you think. 

< i'll be there! 

Kai, thankfully, is a relatively easy person to shop for—you have no trouble at all picking up a wristwatch you remember him talking about a few times at work. And in truth, his birthday isn't for another two months, but you imagine he needed some excuse to convince his parents to let him throw an end-of-the-school-year party—so you don't mind the expense at all.

Kai is overjoyed to see you when you arrive at the beach house, thanks to Taehyun sending you the address, and even more so when he sees the gift bag in your hands. 

"You did not have to get me anything!" he exclaims, pouting, but you still see that glint of anticipation in his eyes despite his words. 

You beam at him, throwing your arms around him in a quick hug. You've missed this—being with your friends and not feeling like you were putting them through hell with you. Seeing them happy with you feels right in a way that nothing else has in months. "Happy birthday, Kai," you say, pulling back so he can tear into his present (which he does almost immediately). 

Taehyun is waving at you from the shallow end of the pool. "Did you bring a swimsuit?" you hear him call over Kai's shouts of excitement. 

You nod, biting back a grin as you pull your shirt over your head and tug your shorts off as quickly as possible, revealing the bathing suit that you'd worn on your way over underneath. You immediately run to jump in the deep end, splashing both Taehyun and Beomgyu, if the yells and laughs you hear when you resurface are any indicator. 

Beomgyu makes some excuse about needing to find the birthday cake, hauling himself up and out from the side of the pool when you start to swim over towards Taehyun.  

He doesn't budge, grinning at you as you make your way towards the shallow end. "Nice of you to make an appearance," he says, winking. 

"Well, I had to let you know I was here somehow, you know," you reply instantly, grinning right back. 

Taehyun's smirk widens. "Of course. And I'm glad you're here, Y/N. How'd you end up doing for your finals?" 

You shrug. "A’s and B’s. I'm still pretty satisfied with how that presentation for Dr. Lee went, though—how about you?" 

He pushes your shoulder playfully. "Look at you! I told you you'd kill that speech. I knew you could do it." 

You feel the ghost of his hand on your skin even after it's gone, shivers rippling down your spine at the thought—and that does it. You can't keep up the small talk any longer. "I have something for you," you announce, as stone-faced as you can manage. "Close your eyes." 

Something flickers in his eyes—surprise? delight, even?—but it's gone just as soon as you notice it. "For me?" He laughs. "But it's Kai's birthday party." 

You nod. "I know," you say. "I already gave him his present. You get one too." 

Taehyun's eyes narrow. "Am I getting the same thing as Kai?" 

You can't bite back the grin that tugs at your lips. "Not even close." 

He seems satisfied with that, finally, so he closes his eyes. You know you'll only get one chance to do this, to do it right with the element of surprise—so you lean in as quickly as you can, before the logical side of your brain can catch up with the rest of you, and press your lips to the side of his cheek. 

Taehyun looks at you, eyes wide open with surprise, until—"You missed." 

You frown. "I what?" 

He nods, as if that should have been obvious. "Mmm-hmm. You missed." There's only a split second for you to realize what he means before he's taken hold of your chin with two of his fingers and brought your lips to his. He's kissing you. 

Taehyun is kissing you. 

There are no fireworks or cannons shooting above your head, no angel floating down from the heavens to confirm that this moment has been the peak of your entire life—but kissing Taehyun is soft. Gentle. It's all the comfort he always makes you feel, has always made you feel—nothing feels more right than being pressed up against him here, with one hand cradling your chin and one settled securely on your hip as his lips move against yours.  

There still aren't fireworks or cannons shooting off behind you—but what you do hear are loud whoops and cheers from your coworkers (and maybe a few fake retching noises). Taehyun pulls back a little once he hears those, dark eyes scanning your face for any signs of discomfort—but there are none. Instead, you laugh, and Taehyun does too, breath skating across your jaw as you feel more right than you have in an achingly long time. When he presses his lips to yours again, still smiling against the kiss, you feel that sensation of right, of warmth, of comfort practically coursing through your veins as you slide your arms around his neck. This, right here, is where you're supposed to be. 

“You waited,” you manage to breathe out in between kisses, holding tighter to Taehyun’s shoulders above the water to steady yourself.

He smiles at you, beaming brighter and warmer than the summer sun above the two of you. “Yes, Y/N,” he whispers softly, moving his hand to cup your cheek in his palm. “And I’d do it again if it meant we would still end up right here.”

It's not the closing of one chapter and the beginning of another—life is hardly ever that smooth. It just is. 

You don't know the kind of partner Taehyun is yet. You don't know that he'll almost always keep a hand on your thigh when you sit together, that he'll write a list in the notes app of his phone of your orders at each of your favorite restaurants, that he'll love to take candid photos of you to show you later, that one day the two of you will be in a very similar position to the way you are now while a small black box holds a hefty weight in his back pocket—but you don't have to know any of that yet. 

You're here with Taehyun, now, your arms around him as his wrap around you, and that's what matters. The rest you can figure out together.

taglist: @petrichor-han @kangroo-chan @ot7lonelylover @lilacdreams-00 @mainexiii @awkwardnesshabitat @lotus-dly @elizabeth11moreno @nerdysl-t @seung-scrittore

©️ noramoons 2021-2022. do not translate or reupload my writing.

#txt oneshots #txt fluff #txt angst #taehyun x reader #yeonjun x reader #kang taehyun x reader #choi yeonjun x reader #txt x reader #tomorrow x together x reader #txt scenarios #txt fic #taehyun fluff #taehyun angst #yeonjun fluff #yeonjun angst #taehyun imagine #taehyun imagines #yeonjun imagine #yeonjun imagines #beck writes ✍️

[good-vs-evo]

not to expose myself as a cavetown fan (HDJFJS) but i was listening to alone from his new album (i added it to xie lian’s playlist a while ago) and it hit like so much harder now that i finished the books

⚠️ spoilers for book 6!! (i think) (white calamity arc) (anyways) ⚠️

"I feel like I bought all my friends Am I your bud or your boss?"

this one reminds me of when mq left and xl started kind of panicking. he thought mq left because he didn't care enough to stay now that he wasn't getting paid, and gave his last valuable possession in an attempt to ensure that he would stay. he doesn't have a great sense of whether or not what he had with mq and fx was friendship (IT WAS BECAUSE I SAID SO AND BECAUSE THEY SHOW EACH OTHER SO MANY TIMES THAT THEY GENUINELY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER) and he thought he had to keep paying fx off.

but fx was genuinely sticking around because he was loyal and because he cared about what happened to xl :(

"I'm wanting to beg 'em to stay I'm wanting to be who they choose But still I keep pushing away From people I don't wanna lose"

xl truly did not want to lose fx after everything that happened. he lived in that constant state of fear that fx would disappear and he'd be alone, and did so much to try to make sure it wouldn't happen.

in the end, the anxiety and fear was too much for him and he pushed fx away for good. he described the feeling of freedom of that fall. he was the one to cut fx off and make him leave, and it gave him the power. he made the decision and he made the final move, and when fx left he didn't ever have to think about how he might've felt if fx was the one who left him of his own will.

"Isn't it fun to be alone? Isn't it what you want? Isn't it something you've been looking for? Isn't it fun?"

after slowly pushing everyone away and ending up entirely alone, and after everything that happened with wu ming, xl would've never admitted that it wasn't really what he wanted. not after wu ming. so he kept acting like that was what he wanted, like he wasn't feeling lonely, like it didn't hurt, because he wanted to feel pain and suffer for everything that he took as his own blame. he saw it as his fault, all a product of his own foolishness and selfishness and naivety, so the loneliness he chased was his curse to bear.

SORRY IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE OR. IS INACCURATE. I'M JUST YK GOING INSANE W MY THOUGHTS JAHSDGFASD

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #xie lian #feng xin #mu qing #xianle trio #wu ming #tgcf analysis #evo yaps #god can u tell i think abt them all the time #they never leave my mind #im so normal tbh

[shadowfromthestarlight]

My last relationship ended three and a half years ago. That's as long as the relationship itself. Heh.

I still find it amazing that when I was in the relationship, I let so many issues go on for so long without trying to resolve them.

We were very different on most political issues. And no, politics isn't everything, but we truly believed each other's views were stupid, which doesn't bode well for the long term. Religion was a bigger problem, because I didn't share my beliefs very openly with him and I knew from other commentary he made that he wouldn't have respected them, anyway. The fact that we didn't try to have a more open conversation about our beliefs and values and what that meant for our future together is pretty problematic, though.

Most egregious was that we let each other say things about the future without consulting the other, as if the other had nothing to do with it.

For example, he would talk about his timeline for paying off his student loans and buying his own home, without any mention of me and where I fit into his timeline. He would say that he hated children and that he wasn't sure if he ever wanted children without ever once asking me my thoughts. He got a job in the field he really wanted - which is good, of course! - but then became so committed to it that there was no question that he was going to remain in one place his whole life, and that if I wanted to stay in a relationship I'd have to plan my career and life choices around him. Sometimes the way he talked about the future gave me the sense that he viewed me as someone who was just along for the ride for whatever he decided he was doing with his life. Also, we always had to listen to the same playlist. That was kind of annoying.

What about my role in all that? Why no pushback?

All I can say is, I thought I had to prove my love through total acceptance and lack of judgment.

And I wasn't so different, was I? Not only did I never push him for a straight answer on anything, I went off and started a career that kept me committed to living two hours away for the foreseeable future. I started making plans to move where I wanted to move, on my own, with no regard for how logistically difficult it would make our relationship. Because at that point, I didn't care. But that point was several months before we mutually went our separate ways, funny enough.

I used to say we broke up because of "Covid." But that's not really the whole story. It's true that we grew apart even more during the first months of the pandemic. Some of our differences were exacerbated. But the differences were already there. We saw less of each other. But we'd already been on a trend of seeing less of each other. I think it's actually more accurate to say that the pandemic prolonged our stagnated relationship. It was too easy to have a routine of talking to each other at the same time every day. Our relationship was going nowhere, sure, but at that time, nothing was going anywhere! And not for nothing, throwing in a breakup during some already very difficult times would have just been cruel. He was even more isolated than I was that spring, and I genuinely worried about him. It was only later that summer that we were both able to admit that we were each building a future that didn't include the other, and mutually go our separate ways.

What's really striking to me is that I never had any doubt that breaking up was the best choice for both of us. Not once. Not even in the first few days after the breakup. In truth, I only felt like a weight had come off my shoulders. I've never once thought wistfully of what might have been. Because I've never doubted that "what might have been" wasn't anything good. That's how I know that I was in it for far too long. Yes, breaking up was the right choice, but my absolute certainty that it was the right choice makes me think it should have been done a lot sooner.

I can only say I thought I was obligated to keep trying. To accommodate the other person as best I could. To inconvenience myself for the other person. To tolerate all the disagreements, or to pretend they didn't exist. To stick it out even when the initial thrill of a new relationship was over. I thought that was what love was all about. And perhaps it can be, sometimes. When you're working towards a mutual goal with somebody. When you both have the same end in mind. A crucial difference I was missing then.

With the passage of time, I've come to understand all the mistakes I've made. I just hope someone else will benefit from my sharing them.

#relationships

[asexual-spongebob]

The Waves That Lap The Shore - Chapter 30 - Closing Time

Notes:

I can’t believe this fanfic is actually coming to an end- it feels like just yesterday this was just a concept. Just a thought. Just an idea. Just a drawing. But now here I am, many months later. Posting the last chapter… But don’t worry! Our beloved fish dudes aren’t going to be completely gone after this! I have a feeling I’m still going to think about this AU quite a bit. Who knows, maybe in the future I’ll post some one shots of them. And I know for a fact I’ll probably still make animations or pmvs with them most likely. I have actually made some pmvs of this au already if you’d like to watch them For yourself:) https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLW7sHfzMCSsxyuwvZ9RvFfwjukOMHv1_3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Hey it’s Shellington! It’s been many years since the “Kwazii was bitten by a cobra”  incident. I still can’t believe that was 11 years ago! 

I’m thankful that he survived!

Now Kwazii’s the captain of the Octopod, Barnacles retired a few years ago and now lives up in the Arctic near Pearl and Bianca. 

Inkling is still here, somehow. Koshi helps ink out in the library. 

Me and Peso are happily married and have been for almost ten years! Our anniversary is coming up. 

Kwazii and Paani and Dashi and Tweak also got married many years ago. 

After the “Kwazii was bitten by cobra” incident Kwazii and Paani found a newborn kitten (which they named Kai, as it means ocean or sea in several languages.) and took her in. Kai is 11 years old and they are quite intelligent, they like watching me do my experiments. 

Me and Peso also have a child  as well, their name is Lucia and they are almost 11 years old, she’s an albino sea otter and I saved her from being eaten by a predator. 

Periwinkle is now in college and is majoring in Marine Biology, we still talk quite often. 

We look back fondly (or… not so fondly) on our adventures (and misadventures) together. 

Like that time Peso got moonstruck and through that party, or our crazy times in the Amazon! Or the time Paani forced us all to watch (or in me and Dashi’s case, rewatch) Invader Zim. We all became fixated in the process-

Anyway. Thanks for reading our story :) 

~ Shellington Sea Otter.

Notes:

Holy shit that was a wild ride. I just want to thank everyone for reading this fic, leaving a comment, leaving kudos, likes or upvoting, it really means the world to me. I genuinely didn’t think so many people would want to read this kind of fic, but boy was I mistaken. I’m honestly very proud of this, this is the first ever long fic I actually finished and didn’t abandon. How I even thought of this AU was I saw my dear friend, Midori’s Octonauts Mermaid AU “Reclaimed By Nature” (which by the way, is a very good fanfic, I’d definitely recommend giving it a read! Especially if you’re a fan of Kwazton and Pearlanca! You can read it here: https://reclaimed-by-nature.carrd.co/) And I thought that was pretty neat. So I wondered to myself “huh… what if I made a H2O x Octonauts AU?” So I started to think of concepts. I had a couple in mind, one of the first being that Shellington would keep the secret much longer (he didn’t even tell Peso for awhile, which he would’ve felt very guilty about) and that he would’ve been very stressed about keeping it hidden from everyone. (Which, was inspired by a merman Lewis h2o AU fic I read, called H2O: A New Tail) Another one I had was basically the same as the first, but Peso would’ve found out sooner, as he would’ve gone after Shellington after got splashed while they were cleaning the beach, and he would’ve found him in the kelp forest. Shell would’ve tried to tell him that it was just a costume but Peso wouldn’t have really bought that so he would’ve told Peso the truth and Peso would’ve been like “it’s okay I still love you :) <3” One of the things I originally planned for this fic was that it’d be short, around 12 or 13 chapters, and that It’d just be about the lives and times of Peso and Shellington after Shellington became a merman. But now here we are, many chapters and scrapped concepts later- I actually even have an AU of this AU, it’s basically where I put all my scrapped concepts (one of the being that Paani was always a merm, I even wrote a short one shot about it, which I’ll probably post sometime soon) I named it “The Sight”. I originally planned for this fic to have 40 chapters, but I realized that many of them were unnecessary, so I scrapped most of them, other then my concept for chapter 35, which I kept and incorporated into chapter 29. Also I might make a story about Kai and Lucia??? If y’all really want that… It’s probably not gonna be anything big, just one shots or something but I mean maybe? If that’s what y’all want? Like I’d be happy to write a short fics on their origin story’s. After this fic, I might write a fic for another Octonauts AU I came up with that ive nicknamed “Invader Kwazii”. It’s an Invader Zim x Octonauts AU where Kwazii is sent to conquer Earth by The Tallest (who are Barnacles and Inkling) because they think he’s worthy of it. And it’s basically the plot of Invader Zim after that, there’s a few differences (like how it takes place in high school) tho, but other then it’s very similar to the plot. It also has Kwazini. It’s a little passion project for me, not to mention I’ve got plenty of ideas of how I want it to go. Another AU of mine I’ve been thinking about writing is my “Vampire Kwazton AU” it’s basically a AU where Shellington is a vampire and it takes place during the early 1990s when Grunge music was the big thing. It’s still a w.i.p but that might be a fic I write in the future, if I do I might just be a ficlet collection or something of the sort. Another fic I have I in mind is for my “Shellinoir” AU. Which will probably be a series of one shots. I came up with it after watching the SpongeBob episode “Squid Noir” which is where I got the title. It’ll likely be just a series of one shots. I also am currently pre writing an Invader Zim AU fanfic, it’s an AU where Dib and Gaz are sirens. I’ve currently got some chapters of it already written, however I want to finish it before I post it. I feel like this fic has taught me a lot and I’m glad.

#kitty giggles #octonauts #the waves that lap the shore au #shellington #kwazii #paani #octonauts au #peso #lucia sea otter (oc) #kai cat (oc)

[mistysblueboxstuff]

I know people ask who is Philip Quast but what I want to ask is how did you find about him and why you do you love him so much? No sarcasm, I would like to know genuinely

it could be sarcasm and I'd still answer this because i won't ever miss the opportunity to talk about PQ xD anyway not to bore you with too long of a story, i watched Les Mis the 10th Anniversary Concert somewhere at the start of 2018 and basically this was me the entire time

at that point i was still new to painting (barely two years in) and the thought of doing it for a living was but a distant dream. i had some tough years behind me, there are too many things to count and this is probably tmi as it is but my dad passed away in early 2016 after a year-long battle with cancer and i started painting as a way to distract myself from the pain, i felt like i was channeling all the bad things in my life into something good and meaningful even if my art was trash at the time but anyway i digress as usual but this is relevant to me finding comfort in Les Mis as the anniversary of my dad's passing away was approaching in February and somehow along the way Javert became my emotional support character and i finished and posted this painting on February 10th 2018:

it was my first of many Javert or Philip Quast pieces (though i had no idea at the time just how much Philip Quast himself would affect me as an artist and as a person) and i distinctly remember painting this

some time in March of the same year - i remember painting it on a particularly cold day, all by myself in the house, fire crackling in the old wood stove we had back then, and looking back i think i remember it so vividly because it was the first time in years that I've experienced some kind of inner peace, it was extraordinary and it was beautiful and somehow painting PQ has become a thing i do when i need to find that peace again, when I'm scared and anxious (and i am anxious A Lot) and when my depression is kicking my ass, i paint him and for a moment i can go back to that place of peace and contentment, however brief that moment may be. fast forward to July 2018 my blog was overtaken by Javert

my obsession with Javert has taught me so much, because i was constantly trying to find new and better ways to paint him, but it has also led me to find out more about my favourite Javert. well the person behind my favourite Javert really. I went and listened and watched way too many things he was in (many of them were bad xD) some days I'd listen to nothing but my PQ playlist, but most importantly i watched and read every interview i could find and I don't think one can comprehend just how amazing of a person he is without looking those up, he's a very private person but from what we know of him i think it's safe to say that he is kind and he is genuine and it's very hard not to love him for those reasons alone.

he's not on social media but at some point people started sending him my art (which i was terrified of, because he's so humble and i so thought my art would make him uncomfortable) but this was reassuring in a way

and so on February 10th 2020 he was given my art book and he was very kind and gracious and more wonderful than i could've ever hoped he'd be

i shall cherish this video forever xD a lot of things have happened since but his kindness and encouragement have been a huge part of me not giving up (not just painting but like life in general xD) and i love him for that too. i love how understanding and thoughtful he is, he's got so much patience and he seeks like such a warm gentle soul. my world has often been a dark place, with bad things and bad people all around, so i hold onto the thought that there are people like him out there - genuinely good people - and that's been one of my lifelines really. i know a lot of people don't know him and follow me for my other art (i do love other things too xD) but he's very special to me and so i keep painting him as a way to learn and to cope, and knowing that he doesn't mind (and in fact encourages me to "finish the hat" xD) means a great deal to me. I've never met him (though that's still a dream of mine) and I don't know him but i feel like I've gotten to know him a little bit through painting him so much over the years :')

idk if that's what you wanted to know nonny and I'm sorry if this is too long and boring but idk how to stop xD

#reply #anonymous #Philip Quast #pq #long post

[heartpascal]

helloo :DD i am here to check up on you and not release depressing ideas this time (yet) i will be sharing a bunch of songs that remind me of "if the door wasn't shut" series <3 but anyway, how are you?? i hope you're doing well <33

it's literally almost 3 am and i'm doing my research paper right now that is due on monday 😔 other than that i also have other stuff to do that is on monday so that's that (´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ)

don't forget to take care of yourself and get that daily intake of water 😌🤎

• leaves - ben&ben

• ride home - ben&ben

• end credits - eden, leah kelly

• just a man - jorge rivera-herrans, epic ensemble

• flicker - niall horan

• falling - harry styles

(this could pertain to the series itself or the "bonus" idea part, up to you to interpret it😉)

(feels like my signing has become suggesting songs and pedro pascal gifs 😭😭)

(din djarin this time because he's the loml <3)

HOWL!!! hello!!! apologies for the late response!! i have been cramming in my homework which is also due for monday 😭 what a pair we are. but i also had a nice day !!! went to the zoo which was fun !!! how are you doing??? how have the research paper / other upcoming things been going???? also what’s the research paper on :0 ???

also howl pls get some sleep omg

I LOVE YOUR SONG RECS SM!!! i hope you know i have a playlist exclusively for howl song recs :’) and your pedro gifts r so lovely HAHAH its become your signature thing on my blog i think LMFAOOO i love when other people give song recs and start by mentioning you i think it’s so cute

anyway tlou part 2 scenario mention below so just to be safe xoxo

leaves ??? THIS WAS A NEW ONE TO ME!!!! but “oh you never really love someone until you learn to forgive” HOWL THE ABSOLUTE CHEEK OF IT!!!! it will always astound me how you have so many songs that fit so well. THE GOOD RECS ARE NEVERENDING LIKE HOW????

anf ride home too??? “we just gotta let it go / so im coming home to you” HELLO???? i have no words for this i genuinely don’t understand HOW you do this every damn time

end credits ?? this is also a new one for me but im in LURV. i really like it. im gonna cry. and these songs rlly could relate to either that pt 2 scenario or the series itself like “but this is how it goes / the end credits, they roll” u can’t tell me that doesn’t immediately make u think of tje tlou 2 scenario. right. ??? im not losing it.BUT THEN YOUVE GOT “all i ever wanted was sunlight and honesty” and adn “cause all i need is time and now / and i could leave this past behind me” SCREAMINGGGGGGG. i also just really like this song in itself so thank u for these wonderful suggestions

just a man , initial thoughts r joel coded. im writing this as i listen so you’re getting my live reactions. it could also be like. tommy and maria coded but we know i lvoe joel. “will these actions haunt my days / every man i’ve slain? / is the price i pay endless pain?” HELLO. this is so tlou 2 scenario 4 joel idc. “WHEN DOES A MAN BECOME A MONSTERRRRR?” howl you knew what you were doing with this one. don’t think i don’t see you. HM and upon my second listen “close your eyes and spare yourself the view / how could i hurt you?” im basically quoting the whole song atp BUT IDC ITS TOO PERFECT.

i heart niall horan ok but i don’t listen to much of him (im sorry OK IM SORRY!!!) but i……… again live reactions. “still a flicker of hope that you first gave to me / that i wanna keep / please don’t leave / please don’t leave” I AM SEEING YOU HOWL I AM PERCEIVING YOU. this is again tlou 2 scenario coded AND IM SAD. Y ARE YOU MAIKING ME SAD!!!

falling .. this one i know. i too had a harry styles phase ok. (again sorry to niall horan). you didn t ask for this but be prepared for unnecessary relating it to parts of the series. “forget what i said / its not what i meant” joel when he said me and ellie not you. you see where im going ?!?! “what if im someone you wont talk about? / i’m falling again” joel when he knows how much he f ed up. r hates him. SHE HATES. “and the coffee’s out” joel when that bag of coffee beans runs out and he has none left. heheheh. “what am i now? / what if im someone i don’t want around?” joel. joel at all points ever. joel when he sees r again after the first part. joel when ellie finds out you know what. joel when he. “and i get the feeling that you’ll never need me again” lets not go into a deep dive about the character of joel and how he has ALWAYS had somebody relying on him, somebody needing him. but i would. i want to. i must calm.

again you didnt ask for this but i love song recs and going into way too much detail about how well they fit even when i am not asked to. alas.

HOWL I LOVE YOU I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL <333

#heartpascal says #howl <3 #i truly do go into so much detail when i am #completely unprompted #i guess that is what you get #this blog should come with a warning for that i think #like: yes i will go into incredibly detail about asks you send. even when you don’t tell me to. i will analyse lyrics and relate them #to my fics #i am an over thinker at heart (friends can attest) #its why i like english #the subject #not the language #although. #anyway #YOU GET THE POINT #also not really spoilers but im gonna tag it simply because ive referenced the tlou 2 scenario #so #tlou part 2 spoilers #tlou part 2 #tlou 2 #tlou 2 spoilers #tlou part two #tlou part two spoilers #tlou two #tlou two spoilers #the last of us part 2 #the last of us part 2 spoilers #the last of us part two #the last of us part two spoilers #the last of us 2

[autisticempathydaemon]

I am loving this Redacted match-up idea. So here goes mine! 😃

• The song my brain’s latched onto right now is “Make Me Cry” by Jacob Collier. The vibes are so perfect. It’s so mellow, and his voice is so freaking comforting. Like…smooth, thick hot chocolate or something. If that even makes sense XD

• I…have no idea what my Ennegram type is. But I’ll totally tell you some other things! I’m a Libra, a Hufflepuff, and last time I checked, my Myers-Briggs type is INFJ? But don’t quote me on that. XD

• Alas, I don’t think I’ve got enough of an attention span to sit through a video essay 😅

• I never really had an imaginary friend as a kid, tbh 🤔

• “Flirty Vampire Boyfriend Helps You Sleep” knocks me out almost every time I listen. So, most nights, it’s that video.

• If I had to change my name, I’d probably change it to Grace. (That’s what it would have been if I wasn’t the name my parents *did* decide to give me)

• Man, that’s a hard question! Buuuut I gotta say, every time I think of my favorite Redacted vids, Vincent’s third video (the one where he “loses control” with Lovely) comes to mind. I might be biased though, because Vincent was my introduction to the channel, but it’s such a good one! The drama. 😍 I freaking love it. We’re not gonna talk about Adam, though, because he terrifies me. XD

• Honestly? I don’t get the hype around David. Maybe it’s just the fact that I’m not a huge fan of Tsunderes (which is funny to me, because I love Aaron) and that I prefer vampires to werewolves anyway, but I dunno. He’s just not my cup of tea.

• I could quote Avatar: The Last Airbender all day long. Don’t even get me started. XD SECRET, SECRET, SECRET, SECRET TUNNEEEEEEELLLLL!

• I want Elliott as a BFF, please and thank you. 🥺

• I wouldn’t say I ramble about this when I’m tired, but if someone else shares the interest too, I’ll talk about musicals for forever.

• Well..I don’t drive, so I don’t really visit many gas stations. XD But my combo would probably be a bottle of water and a bag of mini M&Ms.

• It’s actually a Spotify playlist that my best friend and I made for one of my OCs. 🥰

• This is embarrassing to admit, but I still watch stuff that’s “for kids” from time to time. Barbie movies, Strawberry Shortcake, Sofia the First, pretty much any “girly” show that’s made for someone way younger than 24? I love it. 😊 (It’s probably a comfort thing, now that I think about it)

• Let’s see… Other fun facts 🤔. I’m the “youngest” of four (by like, five minutes, so I don’t know if that really means anything), and if you couldn’t tell from this ask, I use emojis up the butt, and am a total stickler for proper grammar. 😂

Oh, so I’ve actually thought about this- you know who’d pair wonderfully with someone from a big family? Huxley with his gorgeous, friendly nature and open heart.

He’s just so natural to love and get along with, so easy-going and charming. Our favorite earth elemental would be so mind-boggled by all your siblings but also delighted, just like your family would delight in him and how well-suited the two of you are together-

-and the two of you are so cute together. Huxley has this steady, reliable nature while also being fun and silly and light. I can totally see him genuinely enjoying all the things you do, even the shows for little girls that you’d be initially embarrassed for him to see you watching. No one is immune to the power of Barbie Nutcracker, and Huxley is no exception. He is ready with popcorn, a cozy blanket, and open arms for a movie night.

Song:

Earth angel, Earth angel, the one I adore/ Love you forever, and ever more./ I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you.

So this works on 3, count ‘em, THREE levels. One! Earth Angel for an earth elemental? I am a fucking genius. Two. I love the fun, dreamy, romantic vibe for Huxley; it strikes me as something he likes because he heard his moms listen to it. Three. I will seize any and all opportunities to plug a musical, and the Back to the Future musical is so FUN.

Runner-Ups:

Guy is an easy-peasy runner up, because I love to pair musical theater babes together. (I was so sure that was his major before we learned it was creative writing.) I also love Ollie for you, because (fuck JK Rowling and all she stands for but) we love to pair a Hufflepuff with a Hufflepuff.

Note: highly recommend the Back to the Future musical which is rumored to make its Broadway debut soon, it’s very true to the vibes of the movie 🌈

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

[xfindingtrouble]

song shuffle ellis for 4!

would like to point out that never love an anchor was the first option, but I've already broken it down here. i do believe that i may have talked about this song with you in regards to Kakashi? but it is integral to ellis' characterization. when he meets morrigan, he is not quite a whole person yet. neither is she. their love was a survival tactic, it wasn't love for the sake of love. they never learned to hold each other gently & that's why they couldn't have worked where they met in his timeline. later in life he marries @softersinned's astoria & he learns how to treat someone gently as she is someone who helped him grow while encouraging him to do so on his own. someone who was always going to be one of his forever people. but with morrigan it couldn't have worked in a way that would have been worth it. morrigan & ellis had chemistry but chemistry wasn't enough.

but since i had already broken down never love an anchor, i went ahead & shuffled again & ended up with brave as a noun - ajj which is actually one of my favorite songs of all time. i have it on ellis' playlist because i feel like it really hits the nail on the head about how he processes the world around him. he has wildly invasive thoughts revolving good & bad & he feeds both sides of himself. he wants to stay safe, remain where h& how he knows how he can function even if it isn't sustainable.

but he has hope that he can be something more, be a better person & comes to understand that he has to be the one to make that decision. he has to be the one to ' get the brains to get out of bed in the morning ' [ a line from the song ] but anyways i am gonna dive on into this because ajj is my all time fav & this is my favorite ajj song & it's off my favorite ajj album so applying it to ellis is just fucking sublime for me. it's so on point. like even the way it sounds, raw & a little shitty is reflective of the way his brain works. down to the patterns in the banjo & the emotion behind how the lyrics are presented. this song was one of the songs that shaped his concept.

I could go off the deep end I could kill all my best friends I could follow those stylish trends And God knows I could make amends

so ellis has always kind of walked the metaphorical line of what is 'too much ' if that makes sense? he was the second son of the couslands. he was the sheltered secondborn of an influential family. he was always swimming in a million ' what ifs' that were based on how he perceived stories & how he wanted to be perceived. he didn't have many expectations on his shoulders to ground him & so he sort of ran wild emotionally. he would throw fits, ruin friendships & partake in a thousand destructive & self-sabotaging behaviors growing up.

after the blight he expects to be a different person entirely... which he is, in a way. he's more tired, less patient but those habits & thought processes he developed as a child still linger. he still ends up in tears after a minor inconvenience & he's always terrified the people around him secretly hate him. only his sister & astoria are really able to ground him to any degree & even then he really cannot stand being that kind of burden to the people he loves. of course he learns how to cope with time & effort but for a long time he's really stuck in fight mode. for at least a couple years after the blights, going into awakening & witch hunt he's Deep In It & super easily triggered.

like he feels guilt surrounding it but he doesn't feel like he can make amends because his responses are genuine? like he is upset about how he treats the people around him, in any context whether it is positive or negative. but he isn't sorry for how he feels, in the same stride? it's almost like he feels sorry for existing in an interactive world. there'll be more on this bit later. also directly following the blight his sister, lily, is at her worst as well. she's younger than him, he feels the weight of her suffering on his shoulders. she kept him in line for the whole blight where he was constantly giving into this impulsive & often cruel part of himself. she kept him from becoming a monster & though they are technically both warden-commanders, he bears the brunt of the responsibility in the beginning of rebuilding ferelden's grey wardens. so again. there is no time to make amends or get closure. only to react.

But I’ve got an angry heart Filled with cancers and poppy tarts If this is how you folks make art It’s fucking depressing

of course, he's angry. how could he not be? he lost everything. i love exploring the thought of losing yourself & having to rebuild but this is such a big concept when it comes to ellis. he loses not only his family, his home, his known life... but he loses his idealism, his mind & his faith. plus ellis feels like he's lost his closest friend [ astoria, who he finds out has magical ability. he is afraid of mages / believed in a lot of anti-magic propaganda before the blight. ] anyways he's got this rage that's always on the tip of his tongue during the blight. he feels it in every heartbeat & it feels like a horrible disease. but he kinda likes it.

he likes the way his heart races when he starts to get a little scared. a little angry. it makes him feel horribly alive. if he weren't a rogue i would probably compare it to raging in dnd as a barbarian. he lovesss the adrenaline & cannot stop craving it. his overreactions distract him from having to react to these loses he's facing. there are a lot of people who try to tell him to temper his emotions, to tread a little more carefully. to that, he wonders how boring their lives must be without that horrible, wonderful feeling.

the feeling that all you have to lose is the body you exist in is very real for ellis. if not for lily & astoria being in their travel party he probably would have died much quicker, but they give him something to live for. even when he's not happy with them, they both remind him that he is a person outside of the gore. he still struggles thinking that other people do not react on the same level as him, though.

And it’s sad To know That we are not alone And it’s sad to know there’s no honest way out

he lamets over the connections he has to this world. whether it's lily, astoria, morrigan or any of the other friends he picks up on the way... he hates that they anchor him to his flesh. he would much rather crawl out of it or rot in the ground or whatever else can happen to his fragile body. he's soooo okay with dying. he's so into the idea of being thrown into a shallow grave & being forgotten. of course he fears it, but it's not the scariest thing on his plate at the time. but he is not okay with leaving his loved ones to fend for themselves, even as he has difficulties understanding how to maintain or fix those relationships. he still treasures them, deeply.

it's sad to know there is no dying on the end of a darkspawn's blade without affecting not only the people he has left, but also the potential outcome of the world. there are three grey wardens in ferelden, one of them is him, one of them is his sister & one of them is a king's bastard( & as far as ellis is concerned in the beginning, an oaf ). they don't know what will happen to Alistair by the end of it all, as he is a decent contender for king. if ellis were to die, that would leave lily as the single hope ferelden had of survival. he could never damn her to that fate.

I’m afraid to leave the house I’m as timid as a mouse I’m afraid if I go out, I’ll out wear my welcome

this sets up a perfect set one lines to dip into the next big arc of his life. after the blight, ellis is tired & half-mad. he perceives every threat that could be there, not always able to differentiate which ones are real & which ones are from his mind. when amaranthine is left in he & lily's care, it's like throwing salt in an open wound. he walks whalls that he had traveled once with his father, a constant reminder of a friend's betrayal. being in charge of rendon howe's estate really messes with his mind. during this time, lily is also Suffering intensely & can barely face the public let alone run anything. so ellis takes a lot of the responsibility.

but he is struggling too. man is paranoid & overactive to every little thing. if he see's a shadow dance in the corner of his eye he's sure it's a darkspawn. maybe it's the desire demon he let keep that man in the mage tower? maybe it's there for him next. he doesn't know but he thinks he knows. if this makes sense? this makes it hard for him to reach out to apologize, to process feelings. he lashes out often & usually walks away from emotionally intense situations in tears. so he often tries to avoid them altogether. he would rather exist as a myth, an idea [ which he doesn't like but is preferable ] than be seen or known to any degree.

he doesn't care so much about trying to temper himself as much as he cares about avoiding situations in the public altogether. especially since he has trouble feeling bad for his reactions, because again, they are genuine. when he's royally pissed off he feels that feeling in earnest. if he's hyperventilating in the throne room it's because he can't stop it. for as much as he hates to be seen, he hates trying to keep his emotions on any sort of leash either? which lends to this vicious cycle of ' please don't look at me, i can't hide, fucking stop looking at me ' if that makes sense?

I am not a courageous man I don’t have any big lasting plans ’m too cowardly to take a stand I wanna keep my nose clean

during this time he feels like he does not have it in him to seek the help he needs. he doesn't have the time. it's not that he doesn't have the support. in fact, he has the support of an entire [ mostly grateful ] nation. not even counting his new friends, surviving family, astoria or his recruits. he's constantly planning for a future he can't see. one he's not sure he'll be a part of, despite the fact that he is at the center of building it. though he is able to plan & navigate social niceties via letters [ not face-to-face. he actually often comes off as rude in social situations. he's generally unexpressive or too expressive if that makes sense? it's expanded a little more on one of his schizophrenia posts ]

but anyways despite him not feeling like he can be apart of what's to come [ though he will be & cannot see it ] he is afraid to stand up to certain parties. though this is a conversation for another day, ellis is very blatanlty anti-chantry. he loses his faith during the blight & is pretty open about it. it complicates things often so in a lot of other situations he tries to do what he's supposed to. even if he's not always good at it, he still tries to build this new & better reputation for the grey wardens. it doesn't really come together until lily & astoria act as buffers for the public in seperate ways.

astoria acts as an emotional buffer, as she is someone who takes the time to understand why he is like this. she is one of the only people he ever feels really knows him outside of his family. she helps support him when he needs support, though she is also balancing her own duties surrounding her homes at the same time. but anyways there are a lot of reputations outside of his own he has to consider & with him already being in bad standing with such a large power in ferelden, in contrast to the masses of people who have immortalized him as legend, he has to tread carefully where he is better at stomping if this makes sense? idk it is like 10am & i haven't slept yet but i had to finish this

And it’s sad To know That we’re not alone in this And it’s sad to know there’s no honest way out In this life we lead, we could conquer everything If we could just get the braves to get out of bed in the morning

again, reiterating the sentiment that the people in his life keep him in line. they keep the invasive thoughts from winning. it's hard to maintain his relationships while trying to balance his own shit, but they ever stop being important to him. he thinks about them in retrospect of every action,how the people he cares about may be affected by any destructive or self destructive thoughts. but if he can stay alive for them, why can't he stay alive for himself?

the first step he takes in healing & seeking help for this cycle he traps himself in is realizing he wants out of it. it's okay to ask for help, it's okay to rely on the people you love. but they cannot fix him. he has to want to heal & adapt himself. otherwise, he will weigh his loved ones down because he is not carrying any of the weight. he's hollowed himself out for so many causes that he decides to fill that space with someone better than he was. he just has to take that leap with his own two legs.

#allgather #comment cards ( answered. ) #hc. ellis cousland #ch. ellis cousland #breathes hard #i have more thoughts too but i am so sleepy #& i have gone insane enough i do believe

[blushinggray]

YOUR SERO FIC IS FUCKING ANAZIBG I MEAN AMAZINGGG!!! It’s so good Omg inhhhdifjtirirjr. Like make a playlist about it amazing bro!!!! It’s beautiful and your writting style is so good and the banter between him and the reader is fuckibg beautiful like completely real it feels so genuine and not scripted!!!:8:$48848484 literally just imagining them dancing and spinning around in seros room with a song on in the backround and kissing and shit bro you got me in my feels!!!! I just thought you deserved to know HOW WHIPPED YOU MADE ME FOR HIM!!!!! I thought I finally got away from him😭 anyways thank you for writting it you are lovely, lovely!!! (And your music taste is fucking amazing bro like top tear)

oh my god thank you so much for saying so many nice things 😭😭🙏 i'm so happy that you've been able to imagine and enjoy their relationship, and i'm flattered that i could make you a little more whipped for him 😌🤘 he is certainly a man worth simping over

and thank you for going as far as to praise my music taste! 🥹 in reality, i'm really just a basic pop bitch (with a lean towards rnb/hip hop), but if you're into that kind of sound as well/have liked the recs so far, i do actually have a short little playlist for the sero fic if you (or anyone) are at all curious about my headspace while i've been writing this. it's just my own personal playlist on spotify, but each of the tracks did help me imagine up a scene for many of the chapters. if you have the time to listen actively to the lyrics and all, maybe it'd be fun to try and match the song to the scene/pov haha

(the fanart from the playlist cover is by @/modmad btw. the hoodie they drew on sero is p much also what i imagined reader to wear in part 5)

in any case, i'm glad you've been enjoying the story and i'm so happy to read your lovely reaction and commentary!! ty again sm!!!

#last two tracks are actually alluding to the last chapter that i haven't published yet tho so 🤭 #honestly the main reason my fics get so long is bc I listen to music that makes me imagine up a new scene to add to it lmao #and this sero fic was no exception #fic trivia #anon

[overplannedbutunnamednpc]

legacy playlist

it’s that time again. I have made another playlist and everyone must see it. like glade’s playlist, a lot of this is vibes only, but there’s also reasoning in there. to be played in no particular order! have fun! lyrics/descriptions under the cut!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2uqUCCdbCOZWnL4njmJOhc?si=db04fc3757894567

1. Metaphor by The Crane Wives

I've gotten good at leaning on metaphors I've gotten good at living on someone else's page I cut my teeth on secondhand sentiments You can't trust a single thing I say

I keep my closet free of skeletons 'Cause I'm much better at digging graves But I always dig up bones in your sympathy I can't trust a single thing you say

One of the first things that I thought about Legacy was that she is a liar. For fun and pleasure. And also a little bit for necessity but don’t worry about that. She’s genuinely kind of gotten used to just not telling the truth about herself, because why would she? She’s at three people TOTAL who know EVERYTHING (mostly probably), and she kinda hates it, and isn’t used to it, and will one day be forced into getting used to it. But for now she’s a lying liar who lies, which works for her! And no one else.

2. What’s a Devil to Do? by Harley Poe

I was born from an angel And she raised me properly I knew what I wasn't to do I knew what I wasn't to see But when you reach a certain age Your destiny, it comes to life So don't you bite the hand that feeds you Or it may cut you with its knife It permeates all through my bones I let it live, I help it grow I said my cup, it runneth over? Well I'm gonna let it flow So I shot a man in Kokomo Just to watch him die My mother asked me if it pleased me And I couldn't tell a lie

This is a song about being a devil and not being able to deny or change your nature. I like the impermeability of both the roles of “angel” and “devil” in this song, and you better believe I think about it with respect to legacy A Lot. like you are born from an angel! she raised you properly! you can’t tell a lie! it pleased you to kill him!!! what’s a devil to do!!!! like. tbh even without legacy i’d be a little obsessed with this song. what is a devil but the rigidness of an angel with the “wrong” moral code?? thank you! lawful good and lawful evil still have lawful in common! food for thought!

3. Devil Devil by MILCK

Devil, Devil Clever Devil, Devil How quickly they do sell their souls For the feast and the promise of gold But devil that won't be me Devil, Devil Bones of metal metal You torture saints with a single glance Make them think they ever stood a chance

Won’t you believe it I have more than one song about devils on here. Anyway this is like. I see this as Legacy seeing the Evil of her grandmother, like she knows there’s something evil there, and going “but that won’t be me.” Because it isn’t!! Baba may be evil, may be a devil, but she’s only ever been kind and good and generous to Legacy. (at least. as far as legacy knows.) Legacy isn’t ignorant of devils and what they/baba do. She just doesn’t really care. You won’t make a fool of her! She’s sold her soul and it was actually a really good deal! Rip to the other contract-bargainers in hell but she’s different, thanks!

4. Fire With Fire by AlicebanD

Which is why the music died And we're living out our lives in this hope one day our lives will straighten out And we will leave town And we'll get down to business now will someone tell me who I am

It's always been a little hard I wish that you could meet her This woman that you have become, you know that she's a keeper Except you keep her under wraps in case someone should break her It's dirty in this world, it's true I wish I could and she does too

There’s a couple of songs on here about Legacy’s inner machinations. Maybe not actually that many? Considering? And there’s a reason for that. Legacy doesn’t really. know. who she is? And that’s something I’ve actually talked to Lily a little about especially at start of campaign, because I didn’t know Legacy well and she didn’t know herself well either. She still kinda doesn’t, though she’s gotten better and I’ve definitely learned her way better too. Anyway this song is partially about not knowing who you are, and keeping the part of you you DO know under lock and key. and I think that fits legacy very well. There’s this core of Badness to her that she knows her way around and knows she has to keep quiet from the good people she’s surrounded herself with, and then there’s this confusing Goodness that isn’t even so much Good as wanting-to-be, and legacy doesn’t even know the SHAPE of that yet. she’s not even sure if it’s her or just the influence of her friends who ARE good.

5. Stars and the Moon by Sutton Foster

I met a man without a dollar to his name Who had no traits of any value but his smile I met a man who had no yearn or claim to fame Who was content to let life pass him for a while And I was sure that all I ever wanted Was a life like the movie stars led And he kissed me right here, and he said

"I'll give you stars and the moon and a soul to guide you And a promise I'll never go I'll give you hope to bring out all the life inside you And the strength that will help you grow I'll give you truth and a future that's twenty times better Than any Hollywood plot" And I thought, "You know, I'd rather have a yacht"

So the narrative of this song is about how this chick gets offered the stars and the moon and says no and is finally offered what she thinks she wants, and she accepts it, and then she never dreams again, and then she wakes up and realizes she’ll never have the stars and moon. Which makes me feel normal in relation to Legacy. Most days, Legacy is okay with having sold her soul. Like, she wasn’t doing anything with it, and honestly it’s probably better off with Baba accruing Hell Points than it would be if it was just Legacy’s, who would still be accruing Hell Points but like. in a much shittier tier. But. but but but. Legacy sold her soul....... pretty young, actually? I don’t think I’ve ever decided on an age but it was.... low double-digits. Maybe 12 or 13, even if I don’t think she actually took advantage of that pact until older. So Legacy kind of kneecapped her options early on. She doesn’t know who she’d actually. Be. if she’d said no to Baba back then. maybe she’d have the stars and moon! probably not, but who would ever know?

6. Mile Magnificent by molly ofgeography

Plants with singing petals, women with long, long legs Demons drinking water and angels drinking kegs The light behind the buildings as we sip sunlight to the dregs We are animals of love, the city never makes us beg And it feels like a good, good omen Never been much of a good, good woman But good things are coming Good, good things are coming

For one, I like this song, it fucks. For another it mentions demons and angels sometimes. Anyway, this one’s sort of celebratory, like, partying with the angel and devil on your shoulder, enjoying yourself doesn’t mean good things won’t come to you, etc etc. This one’s mostly vibes, there isn’t a whole lot behind it.

7. Seven Devils by Florence + The Machine

Holy water Cannot help you now See, I've come to burn Your kingdom down And no rivers and no lakes Can put the fire out I'm gonna raise the stakes I'm gonna smoke you out Seven devils all around me Seven devils in my house See, they were there when I woke up this morning I'll be dead before the day is done

This song is evil AU legacy. so just regular legacy, you ask? depends. The idea here is like. I’m giving into my devils, it’s a little bit of revenge it’s a little bit of sexy, in my head this is evil legacy going on a righteous cleansing fire type rampage. and it’s awesome.

8. Jackseye’s Tale by Daniel Pemberton

This one’s an instrumental, and came recommended as one of the songs GD plays to inspire legacy!!! I like it for friends reasons but I also really like the energy behind it!

9. Kill Of The Night by Gin Wigmore

The street's a liar I'm gonna lure you into the dark My cold desire To hear the boom, boom, boom of your heart The danger is I'm dangerous And I might just tear you apart, oh, woah-oh I'm gonna catch ya I'm gonna get ya, get ya, oh, oh-oh I wanna taste the way that you bleed, oh You're my kill of the night

I think Legacy should get to bite people in a sexy way. Also, there’s a lot of jokes in the server about like. I/Legacy is like “legacy’s evil” and I get sent messages such as “no she’s not” and “[screenshot of legacy telling her friends she loves them]” and the like. but what I/Legacy don’t think people get is like. That’s just people legacy likes. In another world she WOULD just bite and kill. It’s only the luck of the draw that she was born to a family/society with a moral code and that she was raised, like, Normal, because she SO EASILY could have been an aleksandra. she can’t do anything WRONG. she doesn’t care that much about randos! she just knows the rules of her society and follows them, when they’re not in the way of things she Wants.

10. The Devil In The Kitchen by Ashley MacIsaac

Another instrumental! Another GD inspiration song!!! Sometimes you just need to get DOWN to the bangers your friends associate with you!!

11. Devil’s Dance Floor by Flogging Molly

Well she took me by the hand I could see she was a fiery one Her legs ran all the way Up to heaven and past Avalon Tell me somethin' girl, what it is you have in store She said, "Come with me now On the Devil's dance floor"

Well swing a little more, little more o'er the merry-o Swing a little more, little more next to me Swing a little more, little more o'er the merry-o Swing a little more, on the Devil's dance floor

This is another rec! And if I remember correctly another GD inspiration song! This one doesn’t have a lot behind it beyond MAYBE the fact that legacy once danced her way into the bed of a princess. that’s fun.

12. Confessional by Janet Devlin

There’s a secret on the tip of my tongue And it’s burning a hole between my lungs There’s no grace for what I have done But I must face what I’ve become Hiding six feet under has always been my way And though the honesty hurts The lying was worse Can’t take it to the grave This is my confessional Of things that I have buried low

Legacy HATES telling the truth about herself. It’s just not fun and sexy and mysterious. But unfortunately. To have friends. They kind of have to know who you are. And like. Legacy doesn’t like that! That’s why she lies! but she also wants to be known! because she knows these people and loves them! does it suck that in order to be loved you have to be known??? yes. do you have to put on your big girl pants and do it anyway? unfortunately,, yes. She’s doing her best.

13. Trust by Neon Trees

You, you got your head in a sling Yeah, and I, I'm trying to give you salvation You appear as a devil Like a wolf in the woods But you're acting exactly as we expected you would I said you, you hear the words that I sing, it's a shock to the system Falling down can feel strange No one remembers your name You’re losing the game That’s the thing about trust It’s always the same Sad story again You lose all your friends That’s the thing about trust

So okay. So. The thing about trust. The THING about trust. is that Legacy doesn’t really do it. She has to try SO hard. She knows better than to think that people will like her if they knew everything. Her friends notwithstanding, mostly, because they’re weird, people don’t. LIKE. to hear about these things with legacy. like if devils were real, you wouldn’t WANT to hear that one of your besties had sold her soul to one. like that’s just true. So Legacy’s trying very hard to trust that her friends still like her like they say AND trust that they’d STILL like her if they knew everything. and that’s why we got into the whole brouhaha about her lying about her old friends. because she never trusted Those friends, and look at what happened there.

14. Temptress by S. J. Tucker

Fallen angel, beautiful thief, pretty little vampire cuttin' her teeth; regardless of the lady or her level of disgrace, you just can't say no to a pretty face. The city is sleepin' safe and sound. "Nevernever" never had it so fine. As for me, I can be patient 'cause some day, you are gonna be mine.

Oh, honey, I know that it's been a long time. Your cloak's gone a little bit gray. I can help you out with your troubles, but you have to let me stay. You already gave me permission to slip beneath your skin. Why bear the weight of the whole damn world when all you gotta do is let me in?

So this isn’t exactly how Legacy’s deal went down. the song is about vampires so it’s sexier than it perhaps should be to fit legacy and baba well. HOWEVER. the idea is here about like. further tempting into some sort of Power and there’s an idea too about like. “wouldn’t it be so much Easier to just go along with me?” and the answer is yes. it’s so much easier to just. not pay the price of goodness. baba would love legacy either way. and yet. and yet.

15. Chasing Twisters by Delta Rae

I was born with lightning in my heels Set a spur onto my ankle Bit a horse under the steel And I lost hope when I was still so young Had an angel on my shoulder But the devil always won So kiss me now This whiskey on my breath Feel the lives that I have taken What little soul that I have left And oh, my God I'll take you to the grave The only love I've ever known The only soul I ever saved

More angel and devil imagery. It’s a disease. Anyway this is Legacy leaving home young to do whatever, trying to figure out who and what she is, and she doesn’t know until she’s lost probably most of her soul who she is, or at least who she wants to be. plus also it’s a vibes song.

16. Raise Hell by Brandi Carlile

I've been down with a broken heart Since the day I learned to speak The devil gave me a crooked start When he gave me crooked feet But Gabriel done came to me And kissed me in my sleep And I'll be singing like an angel Until I'm six feet deep

I found myself an omen and I tattooed on a sign I set my mind to wandering and I walk a broken line You have a mind to keep me quiet And although you can try Better men have hit their knees And bigger men have died

Love the vibe here of like. Right now for me the best thing is to be bad. it’s vibes but it’s also kind of how Legacy is thinking!!! she is keeping her pact, not because of power anymore, but because she doesn’t think she has another choice! Barring the idea of Baba being redeemed, because that’s far in the future, like... Legacy isn’t changing. Legacy isn’t giving up her pact. She’s gonna raise hell!!!!

17. Take Me to War by The Crane Wives

All of the fire I've swallowed All of the sparks that went dark in my gut I am always burning up Dress me in red and throw your roses And I'll rankle the beasts with words It's a graceless dance of epithets We learn to make someone hurt They will consume your sweet resistance And they'll carry your heart in their teeth But I am always feeding them The ugliest parts of me

Another crane wives due to my diseases. The idea here is kind of wolf in sheep’s clothing, kind of hidden depths, stuff like that. And it’s very vibes.

18. Shake It Out by Doll Skin

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat 'Cause looking for Heaven, found the devil in me Looking for Heaven, found the devil in me But, what the hell, I'm gonna let it happen to me, yeah Shake it out, shake it out Shake it out, shake it out, oh-woah Shake it out, shake it out Shake it out, shake it out, oh-woah And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh-woah

Haha shake the devil off... yeah I bet you can’t guess what this one’s about. If it was about Legacy and Baba you’re right! This is a hopeful song in a way! Devils can be redeemed!! waugh!!!

#legacy #playlist

[bunny-rambles]

ngl kaeya and diluc always make me wanna cry 🥲 THE HIDDEN STRIFE EVENT PLSSSS IM NOt OK IM SOBBING HALF THE TIME AND DYING THE OTHER

also haha strange that your blog is basically scara centric even tho you like albedo more, as a scara simp i love that BUT RECENTLY IVE STARTED TO SIMP FOR ALBEDO?? HELP?? Hes JUST- mwah ❤️

since the universe is letting me just suFFER im not really doing anything other than sleeping, watching tv and scrolling thru tumblr (oh and i cant forget DYING) so i decided to just ✨appear✨ again hehe

also i just started experimenting with writing a harbinger!reader and its too much fun and im listening to maybe too many villain playlists and then making my own lmao

anyway i need some thoughts abt albedo bumping into harbinger!reader and instantly figuring out who they are but reader has absolutely no clue that he does and also reader totally becomes protective of klee BECAUSE SHES SO CUTE HOW can ONE NOT LOVE HER OK ack im rambling 💀💀 BUT KLEE HAS NO CLUE THAT reader is well.. a harbinger and most likely a villain or at least has killed someone?? and im crying bc i just love klee and albedo so much now help-

thats should be all for now hhehehhe

- king

I think I got into the writing side of the Genshin community by looking up Diluc and Kaeya fics (not the ship, but their brotherly bond has such a good potential for angsty hurt/comfort that it was too good to pass up, even if it is only platonic) so this event really did feed me well lmfao

Hehehehe… Hehehe.. Heh… Welcome to the dark side, my friend. You’re stuck here now >:) Albedo’s model let’s him down tbh so I understand why some people don’t simp for him. But ugh in official art? Yeah, that’s a no brainer, he’s so GXYCUFUFYCGRDYCIVIH- (personally I like his model, could be better but he’s still a cutie- but his art is on another level entirely. Just- god tier, can’t get any better honestly, he just beats everyone else imo)

You can ✨appear✨any time you like, I always enjoy you in my inbox, no matter how late I reply, it’s always lovely to hear from you <33 but I hope you’re feeling better now :/

Villain playlists are very satisfying to listen to, really gets me in the mood if I need to write some arguments or just angst in general.

Ahem. Hope you don’t mind some brainrot rambling- I’ll put it utc for anyone else reading so they’re not spammed by it

I’ve been wanting to do something like a harbinger reader for quite some time, but I’m not sure if anyone would be interested in that, since I’ve seen quite a few people do that idea already. But if it’s specifically requested, I’ll do it,,, Anyway.

Yes. Harbinger reader. Albedo would figure it out soon, if not right away when he meets you. He’s wary of what a harbinger would want with his little sister.

If Klee was perhaps a little older, you would offer to take her under your wing, teaching her the ways of the fatui, operating as your apprentice. Your adorable little apprentice that acts like a living grenade, grinning as she decimates anything in her path. But alas, even someone as evil as you wanted to preserve her carefree innocence for just a little longer before she had to open her eyes to how cruel the world could be.

So, Albedo lets you carry on this little charade of protectiveness, so long as you’re not hurting her. It’s only when you protect him from an onslaught of Fatui soldiers on Dragonspine with your Cryo vision (or, you know, whatever vision reader would have but I just thought it shows that harbinger reader really cares if they’re using CRYO in a snowy environment. Also woukd be kind of funny with Albedo like ‘???? Why are you using Cryo in the SNOW?’ ), did he realise that what you were doing wasn’t out of cunning malice but out of the genuine connection you had made with the two blondes. You weren’t… Insufferable. In fact, you were quite pleasant to be around. But he still has his reservations about you being with such a corrupt group, that’s something he’s always going to be cautious of. And he does warn you, in a not so subtle way:

If you EVER put Klee in danger, Knight, harbinger, status wouldn’t of mattered between the two of you- he would deal with you personally. (I can’t tell if this scares or excites me- reader is probably extremely confused at the emotions it elicits)

Fortunately you knew better than to double cross him, especially when you were slowly falling in love with your enemy… oh no, what did that little girl do to you? She made you all… Soft. And now you’re falling for her brother. You’re an awful harbinger. You knew it was wrong and yet…

Something about this knight captivated you, especially when he brushed your hair behind your ear when it blew in your face, or whispered how you were his favourite muse when the world fell silent and it was just the two of you. Yes. The two of you, hand in hand - cities crumbling, gods falling - as long as you were with him, nothing could stop you.

Albedo would suit morally grey harbinger reader, you’re both flight risks and are willing to do whatever it takes to protect your loved ones. You’re also both incredibly dangerous and have the potential to unleash hell upon the world. Maybe two chaotic souls ground each other, keeping things in balance. But if anyone was to set either of you off… I don’t even think gods could stop the impending doom you both would bring. Thankfully, no one’s tried to do that. Yet.

Hehe. Maybe I went a little overboard but it sparked some inspiration, something I’ve been lacking in (especially today) let me know what you thought about it <3 expand it, if you like.

#bun speaks #king anon #ramblings #just complete brainrot that’s probably written messily but it’s okay #sorry if I went on for too long #don’t steal my ideas pls #albedo my beloved

[veryfancydoilies]

hello there, it’s santa again!

ahh you’re a history major, very cool! i went to school for nursing and two years ago i decided to go back to get my masters in advanced practice nursing. such a rewarding career, i have loved every minute of it. it’s funny really, i thought i’d end up being an in journalism, art or film but i’ve realised that i can still do all those things on the side on top of being a nurse. so, every now and then i do make short films or write fiction stories about whatever comes to mind.

i have always loved Olivia Hussey in “Romeo and Juliet” (1968) ever since we were show it in my high school English class! her and Leonard Whiting fit their roles so well, and two very attractive individuals. that version of the Shakespeare classic is by far my favourite. hm..favourite holiday classic. well, i don’t know if you’d consider this a classic film but i do like rewatching “The Sound Of Music” with Julie Andrews. for me it’s the perfect feel-good holiday classic. i know some people find musicals a bit too cheesy but i don’t, i think they’re wonderful. do you like musicals? i think my favourite musical besides Sound of Music is Oliver! (1968)

oh yes, Ray is so charming and veryy handsome just like his brother Dave whom i’ve been a bit smitten by lately lol speaking of musicals, i also love that Ray go into musicals himself at the peak of his career. i think The Kinks’ “Soap Opera” album does well in showcasing Ray’s talent for acting/singing in musicals. he’s always been such a well rounded artist, i adore that very much about him.

well i hope your holiday decorating is going well. i’m taking my time with mine, though there isn’t much time now is there, since christmas is creeping up fast.

great talk! hope to hear from you soon. take care :)

Hi there! It’s wonderful to study something you genuinely like, isn’t it? I’ve loved history for as long I can remember and I’m really good at it. Learning history is like being told stories. It’s not all happiness and rainbows though. We talk about really sad and disturbing topics too. I just finished a class about the Holocaust. Does nursing ever make you sad, I wonder? I actually used to be a film major in community college but I was far more interested in the history of films and their analysis. So I decided to major in history instead and specialize in film history. You make short films?! That’s really cool. So are they homemade or professional with hired actors? I knew a girl in community college who was like a casting director. She was looking for actors to act in a film. And you write fiction? What do you write about if you don’t mind me asking? I used to write stories when I was little and even drew pictures to accompany the stories. I wanted to be a writer. Maybe I still can be.

Yes Olivia Hussey is very beautiful and the perfect Juliet. Apparently her daughter acts too and is the splitting image of her mother. I love musicals! I even have a playlist on Spotify dedicated to them. I’ve never The Sound of Music actually but I love the two songs Do-Re-Mi and My Favorite Things. Is My Favorite Things meant to be a Christmas song? Anyways I love listening to it during Christmastime. Have you watched musicals performed live? I have seen a few myself like A Gentlemen’s Guide to Love and Murder and Something Rotten. Are there any musicals you grew up watching? The Prince of Egypt was one for me. That film is criminally underrated. It’s absolutely stunning and the songs are amazing. And of course I saw many Disney movies too? My favorite is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. That opening sounds so cool and epic, I love it. I miss how dark Disney movies used to be. I feel like they’ve been playing really safe in recent years. Easier money and less disgruntled parents, I guess. As for my favorite holiday classic, I love the Muppets Christmas Carol. I watched it with my brother recently.

Did you know that Ray and Dave didn’t always get along? I’ve even heard that Ray straight up hated Dave. I don’t know all of the details and some may be exaggerated but it seems they patched things up. I saw recent picture of them together. I’ve even heard that one of them or both are working on something new. Have you listened to their song Father Christmas? It’s so good. It’s exactly what you’d expect from a Christmas song made by the Kinks.

Can you tell what other bands from the 60s you like? Another band I really like are the Turtles. I listened to an album of theirs one night and was instantly hooked. I don’t think I realized they were the band who made the hit song Happy Together before listening. My favorite albums of theirs are Wooden Head (great for summer) and Happy Together. Also, do you know of Herman’s Hermits? Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Daughter is such a sweet song.

Anyways, have a nice day! Until next time.

[ablooglie-wooglie-woo]

Greta's Barbie

I watched the movie yesterday with my sister, and after letting it stew in my mind for a bit, here my general thoughts about it:

First things first, this movie is an accomplishment of production design: from the outfits to the sets, the whole thing is such an authentic recreation of several Barbie's products that it genuinely boggles the mind. I don't know which Oscar category is responsible for these, but if this movie doesn't win at least one, I'm calling bullshit.

I didn't really care for the soundtrack, I can barely remember any of the songs and most of those are there more for the joke than to fill a Amazon Music playlist, anyway.

(I got a free three months after buying a new controller, don't judge me)

All the actors are great in their roles, but biggest kudos goes to Ryan Gosling as Ken, who is a fucking blast every single second he's onscreen, and Gosling is clearly having the time of his life playing the character, joyfully chewing the scenery like a starving dog.

People on Twitter are saying Best Supporting Actor will come down to him and Downey Jr. this year, and while I have yet watch Oppenheimer, I can certainly see the case for Gosling.

Part of it, I think, is because Ken himself gets the best part of the script, his journey from innocent teenager to dude bro to positive bro being great from start to finish.

I'm not saying Barbie herself doesn't get a good arc, mind you, she isn't the personality-less purity incarnate she was in the CGi movies (yes, I did watch those growing up), but it's also much more traditional: what Barbie gets is a coming of age story of a little girl growing out of the bubble of innocence of childhood and embracing all the joys and hardships of the real world.

And it works, it's very well-executed for what it is, but it's also noticeable the way the movie never gives her many significant flaws nor does the narrative ever makes her do anything that puts the audience against her. There's just less to chew on, is what I mean.

Which ties into a criticism I heard that the movie clearly holds back on criticizing the brand of Barbie and even her parent company: for all the movie points out that Mattel's ruled over entirely by men, the CEO is more of a likeable buffoon than someone with any real malice, the entire diatribe the teenage character (whose name I forgot, I think it was Sasha?) is more played more as a joke on how she's a very meanspirited and terminally online bully rather than the perfectly justifiable complaints they are, and so on.

Personally, though, I feel it is to Greta's credit that she knew exactly how far she could push it when it comes to this movie. I've seen way too many stories that attempt something daring only to crash into the wall that is the fact the genre/medium/franchise they're running on doesn't allow for those to be fully materialized, which only ends as the story being worse than something more traditional.

And besides, while the movie might be Feminism 101, it's important to remember that the internet is not the real world, and whichever is your favorite radical feminist author simply has far less reach than a blockbuster movie. It's good that a movie like this can tackle these topics and be this blunt about it, change gotta start out somewhere.

Having said that, while I found those funny, I do think the several self-aware jokes are likely to grate on at least some of you.

All that aside, as someone who watches a lot of movies being parodied in that scene, the Ken War segment made me feel personally attacked.

So that's Greta's Barbie: just a really great time all-around, very worth the price of admission.

PS: There is an inexcusable amount of horses in this movie, fucking overhyped, overrated domesticated pricks is what they are.

PSS: Michael Cera is in this movie. He plays, as usual, a Micheal Cera character. I don't get the hype over him, honestly.

#barbie #greta gerwig #barbie movie #barbie 2023

[kaleschmidt]

anyone ask for henry thoughts ramble post? well like i fucking fucked up my first draft and deleted all of it by mistake so um. i am now writing it all over again. i hope he explodes.

anyways it's all under cut and i need you to know i'm dunking on him so much he's gonna be a soggy cookie ok? ok nice

i have SUCH a burning hatred for henry to start this off. It was like. worse when I first got into dayshift, but i am now capable of hating him more in a cooler way

I hate Henry as a person but as a CHARACTER he's fun to me. I'm glad we know his backstory, even outside of the story, and that he's not excused. Yes, he had a shit childhood and experienced the horrors of war, but what he did after the war- all of dayshift's events... it doesn't excuse what he did, and I'm glad about that because like if he got redeemed, I would have had to get in the game and maul him dog-style myself. /lh

Now. Onto my interpretation of him.

Something important to me while writing Henry is that he's vague. He's never written in his own first person perspective. Only seen through others. Nobody knows what he's thinking. Only a VERY select few people can get close to his motives, and even then, they aren't on the money. Even when his son gets murdered (sacrificing nemself to save another's life), it's kept vague how exactly Henry feels about it. Kale (oc) believes that Henry's uncharacteristic aggression towards Dave prodding about his son is due to either Henry actually caring about nis death, or being upset his son's death stained the family, but it's never confirmed. As much as Kale likes to say it knows Henry more than he knows himself, it also admits that it could never know what Henry was thinking. Also kale is an unreliable narrator and has fucking issues /lh. I'm never gonna write Henry in first-person because I find him more interesting when he's not exactly picked apart from the inside, but the outside, if that makes sense?

Something also to note, which is canon anyways I believe, is that Henry is always scheming, no matter what. Always prepared. He makes sure that everything will go his way, albeit the small divergences and such. It's the big ones that irritate him. He'll always manage to improvise, though. hard to improvise when u get jumped by a dog and bitten and dragged to the void tho. #lol couldn't be me.... i'm different

ok like give me a bit i am so sad that my first draft was fucked up bc i had a lotta good points i couldn't remember. sniff.

I won't touch upon it too much (maybe in Jack's ramble if anyone wants it) but I really like parallels btwn Jack and Henry, especially as there are canon parallels. Henry is the Beginning, and Jack is the End. (i am so normal about this phrase btw. trust me.)

Also won't touch upon Martha in this post because she gives me major brainrot i have so many thoughts about her.

About Henry's void... i actually dunno if that's a confirmed char or not, but the concept is really interesting to me (...and i kinda accidentally did that before i interacted with the fandom too). Would love to dive into that but part of it is tabbykat's playground spoilers. And also will make this post longer than needed. just ask for kale ok?

OH another thing. More of a personal pref n no hate to those who do this, but I do NOT like henry good aus... genuinely cannot see that happening. Better counterpart for me is that he doesn't do murders but also he is a terrible dad in the most funny way (those terrible, terrible baby clothes. you know the ones.) I also just think man just became the way he is by himself n not the void but mostly bc i'm fond of my own interp who i would love to beat up and explode

I think. that's all i had but like closing this off with a song in my playlist for henry: Drink To Me. Look it's SUCH a fucking henrycore song. SOOOO fucking much. Parts of it relate to Dave ofc. god. Anyways hope y'all enjoy reading through this i love going into my thoughts of chars and should do it more

EDIT:

OK I FORGOT TO PUT THIS AND I CANT BELIEVE IT but I think of Henry gasterisms ok? He is gasterisms. And I think that's another thing that makes him interesting to me bc I like gaster. My brain is kinda fried but I need to put this hwre.

#Grave's Digs #TabbyKat's Playground #i am NOT maintagging it ok. #world's most normal henry hater /lh #again if anyone wants to ask me abt a specific char. i would love to ramble abt them. #...minus most dayshift 3 chars i am so fucking sorry i am not caught up onto their deepest lore yet. i'm getting there i prommie. #TabbyKat Rambles #SIGH. UNFORTUNATELY I DO HAVE TO TAG THIS.