#as well as 10 years worth of CRINGE

[snapdragonshoard]

@hqwke

#a relic from the early undergrad years #hold onto your friends as long as they’ll let you #because they produce throwbacks like this #as well as 10 years worth of CRINGE #but that’s okay #hoarding posts #homestuck #but not really #john egbert #dave strider #johndave

[glassartpeasants]

Run Rabbit Run

Yandere!Eustass Kidd x F!Reader

Warnings: physical abuse, death, pre-time skip kidd, implied non-con, nonconsensual kissing/touching, blood, Kidd being an arsonist, edited as much as my smooth brain could, long fic??

Trash summary: After escaping, reader has flashbacks of her time with kidd and it only fuels her want for freedom more

A/N: Well, this took a bit long. I went over this fic so damn much it isn't even funny. I do hope in the end, it was worth it and that you guys like it. Whoever guesses the word count gets a cookie

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10

~~~

The sound of rain crashing down did little to dull the sound of your beating heart. It echoed in your ears to the point where you thought it’d explode! The way you struggled to get air in your lungs didn’t help either. They burned along with your body as you ran as fast as you could through the trees.

The rain still hit you despite the leaves that protected you overhead. Your clothes clung to your body tight enough to the point it made it difficult to run. You lost your socks to the mud long ago, so now you were pushing through the slimy ground as fast as you could. The feeling of it against your feet made you cringe. But you’d rather deal with it than go back to the hell that you just escaped from.

About a year ago, you were abducted from your hometown in broad daylight by the most feared New Gen pirates in the South Blue, the Kidd Pirates. Everyone from your town knew who they were. No shop owners denied them service, and everyone waited on their beck and call. Despite that, they still plundered and burned down anything they wanted to. Nothing was safe.

You remember the first day you saw them. You were walking home from the grocery store when you heard the mayor pleading. Biting your lip, you look around the corner of a building, trying to get a sense of what was happening. There you saw it, your mayor on his knees begging a group of people to leave your town alone. Squinting your eyes, you try to see better, only to let out a gasp of shock and fear.

“No way…” You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. The seemingly whole crew of the infamous Kidd Pirates. Their captain, Eustass Kidd, stood in front of your begging mayor with a sick grin on his face. 

“Too bad, old man! Now, you either give me all the treasures in this shit town, or you'll see its ashes fall from the sky!” The air seemed to go cold as you felt frozen. You wanted to run away and warn your community, but something made you stay.

“But! The people need that for-” The mayor went flying backward from a kick that the pirate sent his way.

“Wrong answer, old fool! Burn it down and take everything! Leave no stone unturned!” The rest of the pirates went their separate ways and followed their captain's commands. Your whole body shook as you moved your gaze back to the captain. A choking feeling took over you when you saw his amber eyes staring right into yours. Even from where you stood, you could hear him laughing as your eyes never left his. 

You finally manage to pull out of your frozen trance when you watch him starting to move in your direction. Dropping your groceries, you start to run away as fast as you could. You look all around, trying to find the best routes to lose him, but his eyes haunt you no matter where you look.

The sound of your footsteps rang in your ears as you felt your heart kicking into overdrive. What could he possibly want from you? Would he kill you? Use you as some sort of ransom? All you knew was that you had to outrun him! 

Suddenly, your jerked to a stop. You feel yourself slowly moving backward. Looking down, you see the bracelet that your fiance gave you, slowly pulling you back to where you just ran from. You try to take it off but are once again jerked back even harder, and your whole body feels like it’s flying backward from how hard you were pulled back.

“Where do you think you're going, huh?” A strong hand grabbed your wrist as your back collided with the man you had just tried to run away from. You could only look up in horror as his smile sent chills down your spine.

“Y-Your Eustass Kidd…” Your voice shakes, as well as your body.

“Damn right, I am. What? You afraid?” His laugh only fueled your fear more. Here you were, stuck in a madman's grip with no way of knowing what his plans for you were.

“Please! Just let me go! I-I’ll give you all the money I have. Just please let me go!” You try to pry his hand off your wrist, but inside, you know it is pointless. It seemed your pathetic attempt amused him.

“Now, why would I let something I caught far and square go?” He pulled your hand closer to look at the bracelet that adorned your wrist.

“Your shitty stainless steel bracelet betrayed you, princess.”

“My fiance worked hard to make it for me!-”

“Don’t make me laugh! This is the shittest piece of jewelry I’ve ever seen!” You see him grab your bracelet and watch in horror as it contorts itself off your wrist. It falls into his hands as he looks at it closer.

“Give it back!” You try to grab it, but he lifts it up and away from your grasp.

“It ain’t even pure stainless steel. Pathetic. Not even detailed, just a circle of metal.” Your mouth drops open when you see the bracelet crunch into a ball the size of a bullet.

“Repel.” What used to be your bracelet shoots away from his hand and into a store window. You feel tears rim your eyes at his chuckles.

“Now, c’mon. You're coming with me.” Once again, you try to pry off his grip, but it doesn’t budge an inch.

“Don’t make this harder than it has to be, princess. I’m not a very patient person.” You were about to say something in retaliation, but the sound of your fiance yelling made you turn your head.

“(Y/N)! Get your hands off her, you filthy pirate!” Your heart drops to your stomach when you see your fiance standing 30 feet away from you. Moving your gaze from your fiance to Kidd was a mistake, as you felt your blood run cold. The cocky grin was no longer there, instead, a furious one replaced it.

“This is that pathetic fiance? Ugh, I don’t have time to deal with you. I’ve got to take this treasure I found back to the ship-”

“(Y/N)’s not going anywhere with you! Let her go, pirate!” A murderous look sparked in Kidd’s eyes as he looked at your fiance, who dared tell him what to do. A bad feeling filled your gut as you turned to your fiance.

“Run (....)! He’s going to kill you!” You try to scream out to them as loud as you could. The hand that once gripped your wrist wrapped itself around your torso and pulled you into Kidd’s chest. Your arms trapped under his arm as you struggle to even move.

“Killer!” The sound of running footsteps echoes as they grow closer to you.

“Yeah, Kidd?” A man in a striped blue and white mask appears next to you. His stature much different from the one holding you hostage.

“I need to make an example out of them, kill them. Little shit thinks they can tell me what I can and can’t do.” You stare at the masked man in horror as he seemingly stares back at you.

“Who’s she?”

“My new plaything. Cutie, ain’t she?” Kidd’s chest rumbles with small laughter as he holds you tighter. The man who you assume is Killer, simply nodded before two massive blades come into your view. Your throat goes dry as you see him rush towards your fiance, who looks petrified. 

“No! Leave them alone!-”

“Alright, let's go.” You were turned around just before you heard the wails of your fiance. Tears started to slip down your cheeks as the love of your life was brutally slain right behind you. Your mind runs with horrific images of what could have possibly happened. All you did was look at the ground and watch as each pebble left your sight as Kidd walked forward. You wanted to scream, kick, punch, just anything to hurt him, but your body was immobile from the sheer shock of how fast your life was crashing down in front of you.

“What a pretty sight, don’t you think?” Biting your lip, you move your head up slowly to see what could possibly make him so happy. As soon as you lifted your head, you felt your mouth drop open at the sight.

The buildings that you’ve known your entire life were set ablaze. The heat it gave off was insufferable as Kidd walked through it without a care. Sounds of wood collapsing and flames flickering rang from all directions. All your childhood memories erased and replaced with an ongoing hell before your eyes. The urge to vomit was immense, but you held back, not wanting to show any more weakness than you already have.

The trek from the town to the ship felt like hours, yet when you did reach the ship, it was like one you’d never seen. You couldn’t keep your eyes off it. If it didn’t belong to the man who took away all that you loved dear just moments ago, you would have applauded for its uniqueness. The only thing that deserves the fate that your home was subject to is the ship in front of you. 

Your heart beat against your ribs at the sound of wood creaking under Kidd’s feet. You bit your lip in worry, not knowing where he was taking you. While he dragged you to the deep parts of his ship, you tried memorizing anything you could. The only thing you could really focus on, though, was the sickening smile that he wore. 

He stopped at a door in the furthest part of the ship. Your body shook as he opened the door to show what's inside. Crates filled most of the room, but there was a small window that barely let any light inside the room. When your eyes landed on a set of chains, you knew that you couldn’t let him put those on you. If he got them on, there was no way to get them off!

“No! Let me go!” You try to desperately wiggle out, but a quick crushing hold from Kidd had the wind knocked from your lungs. The sounds of chains jiggling blocked from your mind as you try to regain the air that was abruptly squeezed out of you. It was only when you felt the cold metal attacking your ankle and your body crashing to the ground is when you were dragged back to the present. 

“There we go.” You didn’t dare look up. Your only thought was to pry off the chain, even though you knew that it was wishful thinking. Tears pour down your face once more at the fear of what would happen to you. You could feel your nails digging into the skin of your ankle as you tried to rip it off.

You feel Kidd grabbing both your wrists with one hand before using the other one to grab your face. He moves your head so he can look at your tear filled face. He moved his smiling face closer to yours to where there must have been only 2 inches away from yours. You see him stick his tongue out before you feel the slimy muscle run up your cheek, licking your tears away. You felt bile rise in your throat as he did the same to your other cheek, his saliva coating your skin. Through your blurry vision, you can see him licking his lips.

“You look so hot with tears running down your face, princess. Just the sight alone is enough for me to want to shove my cock down your throat just to see more of your pretty tears.” His crude words made you shut your eyes in embarrassment as you tried to turn your head away, yet to no avail. You can feel his head move to the point where you feel his breath against your ear.

“I’ll be back. Don’t wanna miss out on all the fun. Gotta make sure everything burns. I’m sure you understand.” His laughter rang in your ear as he let go of your face and wrists. The noise echoed in the small room. Making it sound like the devil himself was laughing at you. The man in front of you might as well be.

The small light that the door gave you soon snuffed out as Kidd closed the door. The sound of it locking on the other side made the darkness surrounding you more menacing. From the small window that gave you as much light as a lighter, you could see the sun setting and the small burnt debris from your home falling from the sky.

~~~

The feeling of the ship rocking made your stomach curdle. You’ve never been on one before, and now you were at the very bottom of one? The window that was your only source of light was just barely above the water. On rainy days, light was practically a wish. You were caved in total darkness. The only thing that soothed you to sleep was the sound of the rain. You just tried to imagine you were back home and lying down on your bed, waiting for your fiance to join you.

The ‘bed’ you got to sleep on was just tons of blankets lying on top of one another. You had to use a blanket as a pillow as well. It didn’t help that it was freezing. Hypothermia was basically knocking on your door every night. Sometimes you could even see your own breath. 

The chain around your ankle didn’t help either. It felt like freezing needles were stabbing into your skin constantly. Sometimes you thought that it might just freeze your foot off.

Suddenly, you hear the telltale signs that Kidd was approaching your door. You’ve memorized the patterns of everyone's footsteps that had come in and out of your room. Which was basically just Kidd and his little kiss-ass friend Killer.

You could hear the lock unlocking, and soon the bright light from the outside filled your room. Gritting your teeth, you pretend to be asleep under the blankets. Maybe he might just leave.

“I know your awake, princess.” You move your head just so you could barely catch a glimpse of him. Despite the fact you were shooting him daggers with your eyes, he simply laughed at you. He held a lantern light before shutting the door and making it semi-dark again. Your heartbeat doubles as you see his smile as he walks towards you. 

“No, hello, aye?” He set down the lantern on a crate before sitting down just above your head. It was quiet for a second before you felt him grip your hair and harshly tug so you’d look at him. The stinging made your eyes water as you looked at him.

“You better start talking, I wanna hear your voice, princess.” You see him pull out a sharp blade from his pocket. Knowing he was a man who never made empty threats, you gave in.

“H-Hello Eustass.” Your voice barely a whisper as you look at him in his amber eyes. 

“There we go. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” You dig your nails into the blankets as you try to imagine yourself anywhere but here. His laughter rang in your ears before you felt him lock his lips with yours. 

He was rough, and he kept your hair tightly between your fingers. You didn’t reciprocate the kiss, which made him let out a growl. His grip grew tighter, and you soon felt the cold metal of a blade press up against the skin of your neck. 

You could feel your eyes widen and your heart stop at the sensation. You couldn’t escape him if you were dead. Despite wanting to spit in his face, you did what he wanted. While he didn’t move the knife, you felt him smile against your lips. 

He was pushy with his kisses, seemingly trying to steal your air. You did your best to try and keep up so he wouldn’t hurt you, but he was just not giving you any time. He bit your lip hard, which made you yelp out in pain. He took advantage and shoved his tongue down your throat. The taste of sake filled your mouth as he explored every inch of your mouth. 

Tears soon dripped from your eyes, no matter how hard you tried to keep them in. Kidd saw this and groaned into your mouth at the sight. You hated this sick bastard and how he got off to you crying from pain and fear. 

He soon pulled away, and a trail of saliva connected both of your lips. Air finally expanded your lungs after being cut off for so long. You cough for a few seconds before looking back up at Kidd. The knife was still held against your throat, and his grip on your hair tight. 

“Your still so bratty. I wonder how long it’s going to take to break you. Break you so you cry and beg for my cock the moment you see me. Begging me to use you like a toy. My dicks hard just thinking about it.” The hand holding the knife left, and you could see him put it down. A sigh of relief left you before you felt him grab your hand. He gave you a gut-wrenching smile before moving your hand to the waistband of his pants. Your eyes widen, and your heart stops at the action.

“Gonna show you just how hard you make me princess. And maybe if your good, you’ll get a reward…” He pushes your hand down his pants you hear him let out a shaky breath. You can feel the tips of your fingers touching the base of his cock. The simple feeling made you vomit in your mouth. You hear Kidd laugh as he looks down at you. He puts his face close to yours once more, and you can see the crazed look in his eyes. 

“...And if you're bad, you can say goodbye to ever leaving this room.”

~~~

Your ankle still burns from being shackled for so long. It was so tight against your foot that sometimes you still think it's on. It has been off for a while, but the scar from it scrapping against your skin was still fresh. It’d no doubt stay there forever, even if you do apply scar cream. The scar would always be a reminder of what you went through and what you lost. 

By now, the rain had mixed with your tears as your hair stuck to your face. Your body overworked itself as it ignored every fall in the mud, every rock or stick stepped on, and the overwhelming fear that the man you’ve been stuck with will catch you. After working so hard to be able to escape, you weren’t gonna go down now. 

Still, you feared that he might find you. You had left footprints in the mud as you ran into the woods. What if he saw them? Could the rain possibly have washed them away? Your mind simply ran rampant as thoughts seemed to come and go. 

Especially the thought of how you were going to get the thick metal collar that adorned your neck off. It also rubbed against your skin to the point where it would also leave a scar. The rubbed raw skin burned whenever the cold metal hit against it. The cold rain barely soothed the pain. You didn’t see how that crazy bastard thought that it was a reward for good behavior. 

Once again, you felt your body freezing up. It had been getting colder, and you still had the same blankets you did when you were first thrown into this hell hole. Your hair was still slightly damp from the shower earlier, and it didn’t make you warmer either.  You could hear laughter and cheers coming from the floor above you.

‘Sounds like they're celebrating another successful raid. Gross.’ You could only think to yourself as the sounds grew louder and louder. How the hell were you supposed to sleep when they're practically screaming?

Just then, you could hear Kidd’s footsteps approaching the door. You take a deep breathe before getting ready to deal with your kidnapper once again. What could he want at this hour though? First his crew is partying late into the night and now he’s coming down to bother you? 

“Wake up, princess. I got you a present.” You could practically hear his sadistic smile from the other side of the door. The door unlocked, and you could see his outline. His shadow filled the small room. In his hand seemed to be a thick metal collar. A sinking feeling rose in your gut. What could he possibly want for making you wear that?

“What's that?” Your voice filled with venom despite trying to sound calm. You glared at the collar, hoping that it might explode. 

“Well since you’ve been such a good girl, I think you can take a break from the chains.” Your eyebrows raise in suspicion at his words.

“But you have to wear this.” He held up said metal collar with a smirk.

“If you even try to run, I can just drag you back to me. Of course, you wouldn’t get far, but if you do try anything, your going back down here. In the dark.” You run your options in your head. Even if it’s for a while, getting out of this room might save some of your dwindling sanity. At the same time, you’ll be stuck with him for even longer in the day.

“...Okay.” When the shackle fell from your ankle you swore you could feel a smile grace your lips. The raw skin finally free from the constant rubbing on the shackle. The smile was short lived though, cause just as soon as that piece of metal left, the metal collar wrapped around your throat. It was much lighter than you thought but it was still thick. Kidd grabbed your chin and made you face him.

“You look so much more pretty with that around your neck. Now, I can take you places. Doesn’t that sound fun, princess?” He laughed in your face before grabbing you and throwing you over his shoulder. You yelp in surprise at the sudden action as Kidd makes his way out of the small room.  

While he locked the door, you took in your surroundings. You haven’t seen the outside of the room since you were originally put in there. Kidd always just came to you, so you forgot what outside the room looked like. That or Killer would blindfold you and take you to the showers before bringing you back. 

“Where are we going?” Your voice sounded like a whisper compared to the loud roars of laughter coming from the crew.  Kidd didn’t answer you regardless, which only made you frown.  You tried to commit every floorboard and hallway to memory as he took you to another room. It didn’t take long, but it felt like an eternity in your fear. 

When he opened the door to the other room, it was much bigger than the one you had just left. It had an actual bed, and clothes strayed all across the floor. Tiny metal trinkets scattered across shelves and a dresser.

‘Must be his bedroom…’ The door locked as soon as you were inside. Before you could say anything, Kidd dropped you onto the bed.

“Get comfy 'cause you're sleeping here tonight.” You didn’t say anything, only scooting closer to the top of the bed.  You were already in your pajamas, the warmest ones that Kidd had bought you. Well, more likely stole, but whatever. All your clothes were picked out by him, and you hated it. They all showed too much skin to your liking, and the pajamas weren’t any better. The warmest one was a T-shirt and fleece pajama shorts. Obviously not something that would create much heat. 

You threw the blankets over you and laid down on the bed, trying to avoid looking at your captor. The metal collar made it slightly uncomfortable, but you could still sleep with it on, no doubt. 

The feeling of the bed dipping down behind you made your breath hitch as you felt the covers move as well. A strong hand grabs your waist and pulls you closer towards the middle of the bed. A warm body was pressed against your back, and the smell of oil hit your nostrils. Another arm slithers under your body, and now you're totally trapped against his chest. 

“You smell so nice, princess. I could just eat you.” Kidd laughs as he lays his head between your head and shoulder. The metal collar against his face couldn’t be comfortable, but he didn’t say anything.

“Thank you…?” Despite the urge to ignore him, you don’t. You didn’t wanna freeze and maybe this could be used to your advantage. A way to escape!

You feel his lips kiss the exposed skin of your neck that the collar didn’t cover before feeling his lipstick run against your neck when he begins nibbling on the sensitive skin. You can feel him smiling, and the way his breath fanned your neck made goosebumps ghost your skin. 

A rough, calloused hand soon grabs the fat of your thigh before rubbing a circle on it with his thumb. The feeling of his hands holding you never failed to make you frown. You grit your teeth when you hear Kidd laugh against your skin. 

“Now that you're going to be out in public with me. I need the world to know who you belong to.” You can feel your throat going dry at the implications of his words and actions. Closing your eyes, you did your best to try imagining yourself home and in bed with your fiance.

He seemed to pick up that you were imagining you were anywhere else but here cause you soon felt his teeth dig into your skin harshly. You let out a cry from the pain and dig your nails into the bed sheets. Biting your lip, you try to ignore the throbbing the bite brought. 

The hand that wasn’t rubbing on your thigh moved under your shirt. Your heart beat rapidly the closer he got to your breasts. His cold hands felt like ice cubes running against your skin. Words of hatred rose in your throat as you tried to hold down the venom that bubbled inside you.

“A-Aren’t you tired from raiding? Maybe we should get some sleep, huh?” You tried to deter him from continuing his selfish desires. A soft ‘hmm’ came from his throat but was soon replaced with laughter.

“I think I’ll sleep better after fucking you on my cock. Plus, I’ve been thinking about fucking you stupid all day, princess.” Your heart dropped to your stomach at his confession. Every inch of your body went rigid when you felt his hand palm your breast. 

The hand that rubbed circles on your thigh soon moved up and played with the waistband of your shorts. Tears started streaming down your face at the feeling of his cold fingers dipping beneath the layers of clothes. 

~~~

You hated the way his room smelled. Oil and sweat seemingly infused with every object. Did he ever wash his clothes? It was to the point where you would have washed them with! The stench was unbearable!

Yet, you would still rather be here in a warm room than the freezing hell that was your old room. At least here, there was a thick comforter. Even though there was a bed that was much more comfortable than the floor, you'd rather lay on the ground than lay in a bed where you felt like your life was worth nothing. 

“God fucking damnit! Those fucking marines keep getting in my way!” All the blood in your body ran cold, hearing Kidd scream in rage. He was a whole other evil when his rage took over. Unfortunately, it was more often than you’d like. When he got like this, it felt like he viewed you as an enemy. You remember when he grabbed your arm before throwing you to the ground after accusing you of laughing at his failure. 

Or the time when he kicked you in the stomach so hard that you threw up. 

The bedroom door slammed open before Kidd slammed it shut again. You didn’t say anything, only looking at him to see his next move. He had some blood on his face that only made his rage more horrifying. 

“Fuck!” Grabbing a metal trinket, he threw it at his door. The impact was strong enough for it to get stuck in the door. You dug your nails into your palms as you looked at the door. There were already marks from when he’d throw knives at the door in anger. You swallowed the lump that seemed to get caught in your throat as you hesitantly turned your gaze toward Kidd.

“What the fuck are you staring at?!” Your heart froze as you hear him stomping towards you. A spurt of adrenaline kicked inside you as you tried moving backward away from him. It only served to make him madder cause he grabbed you by your foot and pulled you towards him.

“I said, what the fuck are you staring at?!” His hand grabbed the exposed part of your neck before squeezing. You tried kicking him, but he only lifted you up in the air. Tears rimmed your eyes as you try clawing at his hand, which only served to piss him off more.

“Your happy, aren’t you?! You think that marines are gonna catch me and you’ll be free?! Is that it?!” You tried shaking your head, but his grip was too strong. 

“I-I can’t….breathe… Kidd please…” Through your blurry vision, you can see the same amber eyes that haunted your nightmares. Even when your vision started to go black, you could see his eyes glowing.

“Stupid bitch!” You feel your body getting thrown and the grip on your neck gone. Yet not soon after, you feel your body colliding with the wall before falling on the floor. You could hear a crack ringing in your ears when your head hit the floor. 

Every inch of your body burned, and the slightest movement only doubled that. When you tried to open your eyes, your vision was blurry, and you could feel something cascading down your forehead. You couldn’t move your head, so all you saw was the dirty floor of the bedroom. 

It sounded like Kidd was trying to say something, but it was all just white noise. All you could hear was the ringing in your head and the feeling of your head throbbing. You feel your forehead is covered in something, but everything just seems like a blur. 

Kidd’s boots soon came into your sight as he kneeled down next to you. You feel his fingers glide through your hair before taking a fistful and lifting you up to face him. A searing pain vibrated through your body as you let out a pained cry. You try to move, but your body feels too bruised to even move in the slightest.

“Fucking pathetic! Why do I even keep you around when you're so fucking useless?!” Despite your blurry vision, his eyes managed to pierce through the blur. You try to talk, but nothing comes out, not even whimpers. 

“Hey! I’m talking to you! Don’t fucking ignore me!” The grip on your hair was replaced by him grabbing your face so you’d look at him. All you saw was a red blur with eyes glaring at you. All your strength disappeared, and you could feel yourself grow limp.

A deep urge to sleep soon took a toll as you felt your eyelids growing heavy. It felt like rocks were dragging them down, and no matter how hard you tried to keep them open. Even though you could feel yourself being shaken, you simply ignored the sensation. With a last flutter of your eyes, a black void soon swallowed 

You remember Killer telling you that you were out cold for a few days and what actually happened to you. Well, more like you had to hit it out of him. Kidd must have told him not to tell you, but in the end, you managed to get the truth after hitting him repeatedly and threatening to throw things at him. 

What he told you was that your body hit the ground hard enough for your skull to have a small fracture. 

It did manage to heal relatively well and at the predicted healing rate, but that didn’t mean anything to you. It wouldn’t have happened if Kidd didn’t use you as a personal punching bag. You remember the look in his eyes when he lifted you in the air and had his hand wrapped around your throat. It’s a look that still plagues your nightmares even to this day. You’re still fully convinced that he planned to kill you that day, but something stopped him. 

Those events only encouraged you to run as fast as your feet could carry you. 

The rain made it hard to stay on your feet even though you tried your hardest. There were times when your foot would slip, and you’d go crashing into the mud. It felt disgusting to have your body coated in seemingly cold slime. Your clothes were definitely done with after you found a place to safely hide and to get rid of them. 

If you were to look at yourself in a mirror right now, you’d probably look like a mudslide victim. The feeling of mud getting under your collar and rubbing against the raw skin burned like hell. You prayed that it wouldn’t get infected. 

~~~

He was acting more loving than normal. It was…unnerving.

Something must have changed inside of Kidd after he threw you against the wall. Because instead of just him using you for his own pleasure and using you as a punching bag whenever he got angry, he started acting like you actually meant something to him. Acting like he loved you.

The thought made you sick. It had to be some sick game he was playing.

Yet, here he was now, laying on your chest, giving you praises. Telling you that your such a good girl. That he chose the right one to have by his side. How you were so beautiful and that you made him so happy. 

He was acting vulnerable.

“I love you princess…” He buried his head in your chest. You knew he wanted to hear you say the same thing, but there was no way you were ever telling him that. Even if he gave you all the treasure in the world, you’d never say it. So all you did was run your fingers through his unkempt hair, thinking of questions to ask him, to try distracting him.

“How was the recent raid?”

“You should have seen how high the fires were. High enough to touch the clouds! Even those stupid marines couldn’t put out the flames!” His laughter made your heart constrict. You knew he was merciless when it came to his raids, but it simply reminded you of the horror that happened to your own town. You felt stupid for asking even though you should have known the answer.

“Was…the treasure good?”

“Not even worth a cent. They tried fighting us on it, so we had to teach them a lesson.” You let out a ‘hmm’ as you frown. A sudden weight was lifted off your chest as you saw him lifting his body up off yours. You weren’t complaining, but you wondered what was going on in that crazy head of his. 

The bed dipped on the side of you, and you felt Kidd grab you and pull you close to him. Your face was pressed against his chest, and your head was under his. The feeling of his lips kissing the top of your head only served to frown more. 

“Killer was asking me the other day when I plan on letting you go…” You could feel your eyes widen at his words. You haven’t begged him to let you go since you got the collar. Ever since you got the collar, you’ve just been plotting to get his trust and finding a way out. Maybe he figured out your plan? Yet surely, he will get rid of you someday, right? One day he’d get bored of you.

“...And I told him never.”

~~~

It felt like you’ve been running forever. You fear your body is giving up on you with how much slower you’ve been running. The thought that you might collapse soon without being in a safe place scared you cause what if he found you? You’d never see the light of day again.

Thankfully, you were out of the mostly dirt part of the forest. By now, there was actual grass, and you could see light in front of you. Tempting you, encouraging you to come closer, that your almost there. 

You picked up the pace, even though your body burned. Telling you that you couldn’t take it anymore. Yet you ignored the pain. 

You could see through the cloudy light that something colorful was up ahead. It wasn’t like any of the colors that the Victoria Punk wore. Instead, they seemed more lively. More friendly. Still, looks could be deceiving. Although, you would take anything over the ship you’ve been stuck on for the past year. 

When your feet hit the sandy beaches, you feel yourself crying even harder. Instead of fear, it was hope. You took a look at the ship, and once again, you’ve never seen such a unique ship. It was the complete opposite of the Victoria Punk. Instead of a skull, it had a cute little lion. It seemed just as big as the Victoria, if not maybe a bit bigger. Then again, you’ve only seen the outside twice.

The ship was out a bit, but it looked like it was still in shallow water. The anchor was down, so it looked like they weren’t moving anytime soon. That would give you enough time to swim over and scale up the side of the ship. If you could run along mud, sharp sticks, and rocks, you could definitely scale a boat. 

The water was cold when you first entered it. It made you shiver harshly, but you pushed through it. The salty water managed to clean off some of the mud that had stuck to your clothes. It felt refreshing when you dipped your head underwater for a second so you could feel the dirt on your face wash away too. 

When you did reach the ship, your feet still touched the ground, thankfully. It wasn’t that deep to your luck.  There were windows you could grab onto, but they were higher up than you could confidently grab. The only thing that would give you leverage was the barnacles that stuck to the lower side of the ship. You go to grab one, and only then did you feel how sharp they were. Biting your lip, you take a deep breath before actively grabbing onto the barnacles. 

Climbing the first few feet seemed torturous. You could feel them dig deep into your skin. They did end up leaving cuts that had you bleeding, but you were so close now, you weren’t gonna give up now. 

When you managed to grab the window and get a good grip, you let out a sigh of relief. With shaky arms, you pull yourself up. You swing your leg over the wall of the ship, and when you feel your feet touch the grass of the ship-

Grass?

Looking down, you see healthy green grass all across the deck. You can feel the grass brush against your feet. The small cuts on the bottom of your feet from the barnacles left small patches of blood on the grass. You’d have to look down on the grass for a few seconds if you wanted to see it. Maybe the rain will wash it away. You’d hate to bleed all over the boat of the people who would be your saviors. 

Suddenly, You hear voices in the distance. Fear fills your being as you quickly look around to find someplace to hide. Your gut told you to go up the stairs to the first door, so you quickly did. Trying not to make as much noise as possible. Who the voices belonged to, you didn’t know. But you weren’t gonna take the chance that it was Kidd and his goons. 

When you entered the room, you saw it was a kitchen. Your eyes scanned across the room to find a better hiding spot in said kitchen. A cabinet under the sink caught your eye, and you quickly tried to hide under it. But when you were about to close the door, you saw your bloody footprints leading right to where you were. You tried to wipe all the bloody footprints you could reach, but when you heard the sound of the treading through water and a ramp dropping, you quickly ducked inside your hiding spot.

You finally had time to think after you closed the small door. Thoughts of your escape through the forest, thoughts of the hell you experienced, and the thoughts of the man that let you free.

“I’m putting you in charge of her, alright? If I see a single scratch on her, I’ll have your head on a stick!” The man holding the chain that your collar was connected only nodded at Kidd.

“I’d come with your princess, but we need supplies. Plus, you’ve been a good girl. I know by now you won’t run away, right?”

“I won’t run at all. I can’t wait to see you later.” You sent a forceful smile his way, and he sent his smug one back. He turned around and started walking towards the ship where other crew mates were. Only when he left your sight is when your heart calmed down.

It was humiliating. Being chained up like this in public. You would’ve rather crawled in a hole and die then deal with the constant eyes staring at you. Nothing in this town made it worth the stares.

This town was known for having some of the best sweets, and Kidd thought that after so long of you not making a fuss or trying anything, that you were trustworthy enough to go out of the ship. Of course, he still had someone go with you. Just in case someone were to take you away from him.

“Is there someplace you want to go?” The man next to you finally cut the silence. You look up at him, and you notice that you’ve never met him. He was on your right side, and he looked almost just as tall as Kidd.  His hair was much longer, and he had what you guessed to be tattoos all across his arms and some on his face. His voice was much calmer than Kidd’s, and it was a definitely needed breath of fresh air. 

“Can we just walk?” He nodded, and you both started walking in the direction of the town. Hopefully, you’ll never come to this island again after this.

“What's your name?” The least that he could do is tell you his name so you at least know who’s dragging you around like a dog.

“Heat. Yours?”

“(Y/N). I guess Kidd doesn’t talk about me. ”

“Have you been on the ship this whole time? I haven’t seen you at all.”

“I’ve just been stuck below deck in the smallest room for about 6 months before Kidd decided that I’d been good enough to be locked up in his bedroom.” Your voice felt light as you try to explain.

“So, was it you he was yelling at and not him just talking to himself? And this collar thing isn’t some twisted kink I got roped into?” Disbelief dripped from his words, and all you could do was nod as you looked forward. You didn’t want him to see you tearing up.

“Yeah, it was me he was screaming at. He used to get really violent with me before my skull cracked. After that, he hasn’t done anything violent towards me. The collar thing is just a way to show ownership and that he can have control over me.”

“How long have you been… stuck on the ship?”

“Rough guess would be a little over a year maybe? I lost track of the date so I don’t know what month, day or year it is. Hard to keep track in the dark.”

“I see.” A small silence hovered over the two of you as the both of you walked around town. You mostly looked at the ground but every once in a while, you'd look at the man next to you. He always seemed to be deep in thought. You were curious as to what could be going on in his head but you just minded your own. This was your first time in the sun in so long, and you just wanted to soak it up as much as you could before you were stuck in the dark again.

The two of you turn a corner which leads you to the back alley of the town. On the other side of you was a forest that seemed so calm. It made you sad, so you tried to ignore it and go back into the sun, but of course, with your luck, you see the sun getting blocked by obvious rain clouds. You let out a few swears before continuing to walk, only to be stopped when you see Heat stopping in his tracks. Turning around, you give him a questioning look. 

“Come here.” Your heart beat rapidly at his request. Did you do something wrong? Was he gonna tell Kidd something? In fear of the following, you just did what he said and looked up at him. You see his hand move to the side of your collar, and you hear the sound of the chain unhooking, making your eyes widen.

Your hands immediately go to feel around your neck. The collar was still there, but the chain that was once hooked to you was gone. 

“Run. I don’t wanna see you back on the ship, do you understand?” Tears started pouring down your cheeks, and all you could do was look up at the man before wrapping him in a crushing hold.

“Thank you…thank you so much.” Your voice was barely a whisper before you took off into the forest. With your heart beating louder than ever, the sound of crunching leaves never registered. You move your gaze back to Heat for a second, and you see him standing in the same place you left him. Looking at the tree line before throwing the chain in the garbage and walking back towards the way you came.

You didn’t know what would happen to him when Kidd saw you were gone, but you only hoped that the man who saved you would be spared. 

With that thought heavy in your mind, you made sure that you weren’t gonna let his sacrifice be in vain.

Your mind was pulled out from your memories when you heard footsteps coming up the stairs, even through the rain. It felt like your heart jumped out of your chest when you heard the door to the kitchen open. You could feel your breath hitch.

“Sanji wouldn’t mind if I got a snack-AHHHHH!” The voice of what you assumed to be on the younger variety let out a wail after entering the kitchen. They must have seen the bloody footprints. They weren’t really hard to miss in the first place, then again.

“What the hell are you screaming about?” A deeper male voice rang through the kitchen, and that only made you cover your mouth, praying they didn’t hear your heavy breathing. More footsteps run up, and they slowly enter the kitchen.

“Is that blood?!”

“Why is there blood in my kitchen?!”

“It leads to that cabinet.” The monotone voice of a woman strikes fear inside you. Why did they have to find you so fast? How could you have been so unlucky?

The sound of footsteps coming closer to the small door made tears fall down your eyes. They weren’t even out to sea yet and they found you. Stupid barnacles and their sharp points. 

You feel your body freeze when your met with the face of a woman with beautiful blue eyes. Her blank face only made you cry harder.

“It's a woman. It seems both her hands and feet seem to be bleeding.” You try scooting closer to the back of the cabinet even though you only moved seemingly an inch. The faces of multiple people soon come into your view, and you’ve never felt so overwhelmed since the day you were captured.

“What are you doing on my ship?!” A man with jet-black hair and a straw hat pushes his way through everyone to get closer to your face.

You try to talk but all that came out were hard sobs. The sound of your voice cracking wile crying probably sounded like a whole other language. You couldn’t even see their faces anymore as the tears made your vision to blurry.

“Luffy! It’s obvious she’s hurt and scared! Be nice to a woman in need!” A man with blond hair violently kicked the man who just yelled at you. 

“We’re not gonna hurt you, your safe to come out.” From your blurry vision, you can see everyone backing up to give you room to come out. Taking a few breaths, you gently move your body out of the cabinet. You try to put your feet down to stand up, but it seems the adrenaline finally wore off. A sharp pain made you whimper and just continue sitting on the ground in the kitchen.

“I’m a doctor, so I can help you!” Wiping the tears from your eyes, you let a shaky smile spread across your face. 

~~~

The sun finally came back outside after what seemed like hours of you running through it. It felt so nice to be able to stand outside with the fear of being dragged back into the dark. The crew mates of the ship were kind enough to patch you up and let you hitch a ride to the next island they were docking at. 

You did tell them the basis of your story. Not all the gory details but enough. The little doctor named Chopper gave you some tips and scar cream to try and get rid of the scar on your ankle. He said he was going to look at the raw skin on your neck once you managed to get it off, which led to where you are now. Standing on the back of the ship, watching it slowly drift away from the island and waiting for the swordsman to cut it off.

“Okay, don’t move, or I’ll cut your head off.”

“That's not something you say to a woman, moss head!”  

“Just cut it off and stop arguing! God, your both children!” 

SHLINK

The sound of metal crashing to the ground had your legs feeling weak. For the first time in months, you finally feel like you can fully breathe. The sensation of air hitting the raw skin had your heart beating fast. 

You look down at the broken metal that laid in two pieces in front of your feet. Big globs of tears fall from your face and make a puddle on the ground. 

“Thank you! I cannot thank you enough!” You trap the green-haired man in a crushing hold as you repeat your thanks. Grabbing the metal scraps, you run towards the back railing, and with all your strength, you throw it off the ship. The sight of it barely making it to fall on the sandy beach let you know that after all the hell you’ve experienced, you were finally going to be okay. Soon enough, the waves would take the metal and drag it to the depths.

“Alright, everyone! We’re on our way to the Sabaody Archipelago!” All the crewmates aboard the ship celebrated the new chapter they were about to open. You couldn’t help but celebrate along, as this would also be a new chapter for you-

“(Y/N)!” Your heart stops at the sound of a familiar scream. Turning around, you see the devil himself running out of the woods. The broken collar in his hand. You feel your heart drop thinking about that if you hadn’t gotten that cut off sooner, that would have been you in his grip.

The celebration of the crewmates left your mind as you see Kidd running towards the ship your on, only to be stopped by the salty water that protected it. You were far enough to that if he tried to get in the water, he’d definitely drown for sure. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t hear him.

Gripping the railing, even from so far away, you feel his haunting eyes staring at you. Your throat seems to go dry as you see more of his goons appear from the woods. To your relief somewhat, you see Heat still alive and walking. At least your savior wasn’t hurt.

Even so, you continued to look at Kidd, and you knew he was looking at you. It felt like getting rid of a life-threatening illness and seeing him grow farther and farther into the distance. It felt like you were healing.

“You can run and hide (Y/N), but you’ll always belong to me!”

Then again, illness comes back when your least expect it.

#one piece x reader #eustass captain kid x reader #eustass kid x reader #tw: violence #tw: abuse #tw: bl00d #dark content things #tw: noncon

[youkaiyume]

So, Rise of the Beasts!!

I saw it twice of the weekend, and I want to put down my honest thoughts.

Overall, I had a great time and I definitely think it's worth watching. Ignore the critic reviews for some reason they are offended that a Transformers movie exists to sell toys. You know, their sole purpose since the very beginning of inception. But OF COURSE I have THOUGHTS so...

Spoilers under the cut!

I liked the human characters for the most part. Noah's sudden onboard motives for going with the autobots to Peru was not as convincing but adventure needs to happen so I gave it a pass.

Mirage is like, DTF with Noah. Like he is SO ready for that tiny bf bff. It's obvious that Bee spoke so much about Charlie (cuz it seemed he was the only one who did talk positively about humans in their group) that Mirage was just. HIS BODY WAS READY.

CHARLIE WAS MENTIONED!!! AHHHHH!!! That was the one tiny smidgeon of a crumb that I wanted and they gave it to me. Granted it was implied when Optimus says "I know one was good to you, Bee" But I was told that the Latin America dub had him say Charlie's actual name. There was a SCENE that was cut out according to the Hollywood Reporter--that Bumblebee had also pulled out a polaroid pic that Charlie took of them together from the first movie here to show OP. HE'S BEEN CARRYING AROUND HER PICTURE ALL THESE YEARS I DIE WHY DID YOU CUT THIS OUT!!!

Mirage's abilities seem very arbitrary. And I do not like this. He can turn into several alt modes which seems to be only a thing that he can do... he can mass shift--which I know mass shifting is a thing but when he turns into a truck to sneak past the museum security I was like??? I was always under the impression that the bots could turn into a vehicle relative to their own actual size so this just confuses me. There is supposedly an earlier cut of the film where it was more clear that the trailer was another illusion. which I wish they kept in. Also when he becomes Noah's symbiote suit at the end?? Like, as a shipper and rule of cool I am into it, but as a person who wants rules to ground my science fiction I don't like how Mirage is just a swiss army knife for the writer's convenience. It feels lazy instead of taking the time to actually worldbuild. Nobody else can do these things.

The arbitrary mass shifting of him being as big or as small as he wants (like when he becomes Noah's exosuit) really falls apart when they keep insisting that they need the humans because only they can fit into small spaces. Well, clearly not cuz you can just do it yourself. AGAIN, PLEASE BE CONSISTENT WITH YOUR RULES.

Airazor x Elena. Anyone else????

speaking of which, I am very upset about what happens to Airazor. And we never even got to see her transform. tragic.

Optimus sure was a negative nancy which--I understand why but I hope they ease up on edgy "i will rip everyone's faces off" Optimus because it feels disingenuous to his character to keep it going for too long. Like I get it, they killed your fave child so I will forgive you but also I want more of "Be strong enough to be gentle" Optimus. Not the edgelord Bayverse Optimus that they are clearly going for cuz the know certain :ahem: fans like that.

Beeeee. They put him out of commission which again, according to interviews they did just so they could make sure he doesn't steal the spotlight and give a chance for the other characters to shine lmao. He is too powerful. But also because we shots of him in the trailers, I was not too worried about Bee staying out of commission. But goddamn when if I still wasn't hyped as hell when he made his comeback. 10/10 he proves he's still the GOAT.

I hate Pablo/Wheeljack. No, after seeing the movie my opinion of him did not improve in fact it got so much worse. His design was the LEAST of his problems. Every moment he was on screen was deeply cringe. And he barely did anything!! He could have not been in the movie at all and it wouldn't have made a difference and I genuinely believe it would have been a better film. All this hullaballoo over Pablo and this is what we got. Wheeljack fans lost hard after all that defense I'm sorry this ain't it.

Hey speaking of bots that barely got any lines or screentime, wtf was up with Rhinox and Cheetor? My boys got shafted :(

There was a moment where OP is asking the bots if they detected the terrorcons and Arcee WHO IS SITTING in the pablo van was like "lol nope" and I was like GURL how could you, you're in a van. And it made no sense because don't you also have an altmode??? Shouldn't you be scouting outside to cover more ground???

I firmly believe the only had Arcee sitting in there like a dumb duck because they wanted Wheeljack to make a dumb joke in the original cut about how it was a long time since she was inside him. UGHUGHUGH.

Did I mention how glad I am that they cut the majority of Wheeljack's screentime since it was so awful especially his and Arcee's implied romance? Especially since they killed off the other femmes so the only one we got now has to have a mandatory romance. No thanks. Glad that nonsense is gone.

The Maximals' robot modes were very minimal. and they went by so fast I never got a good look at their designs.

I loved how the Maximals were harmoniously living with the native tribe--and speaking their language!

Scourge's face reveal seemed to be treated like it was a big deal but when we saw him it was just... guy without his wig on. Literally the surprise is that he is bald.

Noah x Mirage is very strong good. I have no doubt the fandom will be all over it since they seem to eat up BL romance much more readily and I am all for it. They also have all the great ingredients for it--flirting, drift compatibility, self sacrifice for the other. Another human x transformer ship for the books.

I'm sure there are some ppl who like the ending. but I.... did not. I do not want to see G.I.Joes in my transformers I'm sorry. I don't want the return of military propaganda or more introductions to several human characters that take away from the transformers. I don't want to see them exploited or used for our own human affairs--even if it's a fictional cult-- when they could be literally fighting Decepticons or Unicron or whatever. People might have wanted them in Bayverse cuz it was heavily skewed Military in those films but I don't want to see it again. It was a terrible, dark time. the Joes might be presented as good guys but I don't trust the military in general and I don't see their motives as altruistic--especially if their goal is to use them for their own purposes. Why would they help them get home? They wouldn't, if just to keep their best weapons--and Noah is bait. He is bait and he will fall for it hook line and sinker because they are bribing him with his brother's healthcare and the fact that he is struggling to find work elsewhere.I hope if they are to be involved at all it will be relegated to characters here and there but they stay in their own movies if they have to ride on Transformers coattails to revive an irrelevant struggling franchise.

There was minimal human injuries/death and I appreciate that. They did the DBZ thing where they took their fight to remote locations. This probably won't keep up if they introduce the Joes :/

Overall, 8/10. I had a fun time. I didn't love it as much as Bumblebee but it was definitely miles better than Bayverse (a low bar I know). The action was clear, the characters likable, the CGI mostly stellar. I have hope that they will bring back Charlie maybe. But hey, I took my parents to it the second time around and my Mom liked Mirage and my Dad did not fall asleep so I will consider that a stamp of approval.

#transformers #rise of the beasts #ROTB #text post #long post #read more under the cut #not so much a review as all of the thoughts i had while watching it

[kafus]

DID switching is not like being possessed like an evil monster who makes you kill people but when you’re 10 years old and experiencing memory loss and saying/doing things you genuinely didn’t want to say/do, it might as well feel like it. it’s cliche and extreme and not representational of reality but you can bet your ass when i roleplayed as owlheart on old roleplay boards and she had a “mask” that dictated her actions and caused her to commit violence against her will, or when i watched animations of characters split into a light and dark side, i was channeling that confusion in literally any way that made some sort of tangible sense to me as a child.

that being said i don’t even think you need to have DID to get artistic worth out of that stuff. plenty of children related to it in some way or another at the time. i hate how sparklecats and shit are passed off as a frivolous nostalgic aesthetic instead of like, the genuine and unfiltered self expression of a whole generation of children during a specific transitional era of internet culture. it’s worth talking about like a genuine art movement to me. it’s not just “dumb cringe you made when you were 12” or “scenecore” and the work we make as children is worth thinking about and appreciating as adults

#kiki was here #kiki.txt

[bloomingdarkgarden]

So, I'm a complete sucker for a good good romance. THIS particular elriel romance in WBITDG is my absolute favorite. And honestly? I'm reading other books to get the same feelings I get when I read your romance between Elain and Azriel, and they always fall short. They just don't compare, unfortunately. So thank you for taking the time to write this absolute beast of a fanfic and sharing it with fellow elriels as we wait to see sjm make a move on their story. I appreciate the hours/days/weeks you put into staring at your computer editing and wondering "Is this good enough?". Well, it's beyond good enough. Quite fantastic, if you ask me. I can't picture these two characters any other way.

Also, I'm so excited to read the full flashback of Elain and Az after the war. I look forward to more if it's in your plans.

Anywho, all this to say thank you.

This just made my week thank you.

The process is funny, it takes readers I dunno, 10-25 minutes to read an update. But each chapter takes me appx. 30 hours of writing / erasing / reworking / cringing / self loathing, rinse, repeat lol. This story has taken over my life this year. It's 520 pages long in novel format, can you believe?!

I know a lot of fandom writers write for themselves. But the deeply emotional nature of the darkgarden is not... fun. I am not writing it for my own enjoyment. I write for yall and so that Elain gets a love story that aches and burns and destroys worlds in the softest ways, no matter what happens in canon.

I frequently wish I had pursued something short, fun, sweet or sexy to try my hand at writing rather than taking on a full length angst+longing centric slow burn novel. but here we are 😂

Thoughts like yours really makes it all so worth it. All my love to you, honeybee.

Ch. 33 up on Monday ish!

#ehoney answers #darkgarden #elriel

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 20/10/2023

SING A SONG ABOUT HOPES AND DREAMS

Season 7 Featured on: SGFR Presents: RIP²

Ripped by BobTheTacocat

20-RIP CELEBRATION DAY!!

You may be a little confused reading the bottom of that metadata - What's so special about today that's worth celebrating? Well, its more of a personal milestone, something I've been keeping track of in anticipation of this day, and it just so happened to land on the perfect date.

See, here's a little behind-the-scenes peek on how I manage this blog: I actually keep track of how many rips per season I've covered in total as to ensure I don't run off-track, and always keep the blog fresh. Without any sort of regulation like that it'd quickly become evident which periods of the channel I favored more, and it would no longer be a celebration of the channel in its entirety. I love SiIvaGunner - ALL of SiIvaGunner - but sometimes I forget just how far reaching that is, and this restriction helps keep me on track with the blog's goals.

I specify this, because as of this post, I've reached Twenty Rips Covered For Each Season on the blog. That's right - Twenty rips from Season 1, twenty rips from Season 2, Twenty rips from Season 3, and so forth, a perfect balance attained on the twentieth day of the month. That adds up to 160 rips covered in this blog's history, which is quite frankly a ridiculous number! I never thought I'd reach this point upon starting up the blog, but I'm so so happy to have finally settled into a groove of posting, and getting to hear the thoughts and gratitude from so many talented rippers I've long looked up to.

I want this blog to celebrate the entirety of SiIvaGunner. It is not a simple obsession with the nostalgic days of old, but a look into every single nook and cranny, no matter how under or over-appreciated, where everyone gets their due respects. And funny enough, a certain project on SiIvaGunner that released just recently has followed almost that exact same mission statement - RIP², the album of my fucking dreams and the latest effort from the SiIvaGunner Fusion Records project. Its entire mission purpose is to remix and rearrange pieces of every single part of SiIvaGunner's history.

Season 1's early days of Epic Flintstones and Stickerbrush State of Mind are paid respects to with arrangements like Super Grand Dad Bicycle Arrangement To Make Your Head Crumble Away™ and 7 YEARS LATER AND WE STILL JAMMIN', while the lore and holiday celebration of Season 2 as seen in voiceless and Follow μ’s receive love with jazzless and Winter Holiday at Route 216 -HQ Edit-. For Season 3, its joy, mystery and beauty as shown in :D and a certain storyline in the Christmas Comeback Crisis are reciprocated with the hilariously titled :3 and LD. Memories of Season 4's fierce tournament brawls and sincere, pure-hearted festivities as seen with Vote Responsibly!! and A love letter to this wonderful community and my amazing friends come flooding back with Yearning for the Tournaments of Yesteryear and Welcome to the Gaylord Resort!, while the quality tinged with sadness that defined Season 6 with rips like Fell From a High Place (Reprise) is rightfully honored with The Knight Sees Sunlight for the First Time. Finally, of course, there's the sheer unpredictable chaos of Season 7 as discussed in Hidden Headtoilets (skibidi toree 2), highlighted in all its absurdity with The Raft Ride of Terror. Its as if every rip on the entire channel, either with direct arrangements or indirect tributes, is paid respects to in one giant 96-track long loveletter to every single SiIvaGunner fan. It is impossible to not find at least one track in the setlist that clicks with you.

I did, however, deliberately exclude one season from the above rundown: the pure, unfiltered joy of Season 5, shown in rips like Story of Undertale, Field of Love and Cringe, or indeed, today's rip.

After a long, long process of going back and forth on which rip to highlight for today, I've finally landed on SING A SONG ABOUT HOPES AND DREAMS. The rip its arranging, Field of Love and Cringe, is immensely important to both SiIvaGunner and this blog - it was part of the initial first month of posts I ever made on the blog and was the first post to ever reach double-digit notes back when I hosted this project on my own personal blog. For SiIvaGunner, the impact that Antonymph Noelle has had on SiIva is hard to understate - its infiltrated the Undertale/Deltarune fandom in a way that next to no other SiIvaGunner rips have ever done, and possibly even influenced the direction her character was to be written in other canon material released past Deltarune Chapter 2. In the YouTube upload above, you'll find me under my YouTube account - YouMelTube - as the top comment reminiscing on this specific phenomenon, she's effectively singlehandedly become the face of the SiIvaGunner artwork tags on sites such as here on Tumblr and on Twitter, at this point only rivaled by Wood Man. Field of Love and Cringe, and all the work that went into it by all of its different talented artists and musicians, is absolutely legendary, and shows that SiIva is well able to continue being impactful past its initial Season 1 channel ending.

With all of that in mind, SING A SONG ABOUT HOPES AND DREAMS is as perfect of an arrangement, as perfect of a celebration as one could ever dream of. BobTheTacocat understands what drew people to the original rip to a mesmerizing degree and remixes it into an equally captivating hyper-pop style, which feels almost like the modern-day equivalent of the 2000s-core nostalgia that Antonymph so successfully evokes. The rip's core vocals remain, yet the arrangement's lead melody as carried by its synths goes in wholly new directions, many times feeling completely disconnected from the Field of Hopes and Dreams track its based on: its a reimagining in the truest sense of the word, channelling the spirit of the original absolutely perfectly.

No matter where it goes, though, its always happy - always celebrating, always proud of what SiIvaGunner has become and is. I'm not ashamed to admit the raw emotions that this arrangement made me feel upon its premiere, and the further emotions the album as a whole gave me. It's the loveletter I never knew I wanted but am now so, so eternally thankful for.

Thank you. Thank you to the SiIvaGunner team, and to the SiIvaGunner fans, the SiIvaGunner discord, and anyone else who has followed this blog, or interacted with it at any point of its 160-rip run. Let's never stop loving rips of the highest quality.

<3

#todays siivagunner #season 7 #siivagunner #siiva #BobTheTacocat #sgfr #Youtube #Bandcamp #deltarune #undertale #utdr #utdr music #noelle holiday #girelle #antonymph #vylet pony #my little pony

[theroyalsims]

ELEANORE'S A BLONDE NO MORE! THE HARVELLES ATTEND NEIGHBOURHOOD PARTY IN COSTUME!

It's officially Spooky Fest and that typically means trick or treating and costume parties galore, and The Earl and Countess of Harvelle, with their little darling Lady Ella, were spotted attending one yesterday!

The entire family donned costumes for the neighbourhood bash, with Eleanore dressing up as a popular fairytale princess (complete with a black wig), while her real-life (former) Crown Prince dressed up as... well... Prince Charming. A little on the nose, yes, but it's also kind of adorable, especially if you add little Ella into the mix, who also came as a "princess" complete with a "golden" plastic tiara!

The family of three walked to the party, held a couple of houses down their country home. The party was a fun time for the neighbourhood kids to play, have fun, and indulge in sweets! One source shared:

"It was really for the kids, but the parents had loads of fun, too. There was good food and even greater company. There were about 20 adults and just as many kids. They had a clown and a bouncy house set up, too. There was a face painting booth and a photo booth. Everyone had a blast."

When asked about the Harvelle's attendance, the source further revealed:

"They've become part of the community. They know everyone and everyone knows them, of course. There were no curtseys or formalities - they came as Eleanore and Ibrahim and everyone adores little Ella. That girl is such a sweetheart. I think that's a huge part of why they love it here and they decided to settle here. We leave them be, give them their privacy, but at the same time we've let them know that they're welcome here."

However, not everyone is as "welcoming" to the family's choice of costume. Some commenters online have poked fun at the family's choice of outfits for the soiree. One person wrote:

"This is kinda sad and a lot hilarious. Ibrahim, in particular, should've thought twice about wearing that. This is a man who would've been a KING of a d*mn country. A REAL LIFE KING. And now here he is parading in a §10 costume, looking like a loon. Pathetic."

Another wrote:

"Eleanore's trying really, really hard to stay relevant and remind everyone that she's a princess. Yeah. You were. Once. And now you aren't. Because you were a massive spoiled brat and because you wanted to compete with your sister. But you'll never be Anya. This is so cringe. And the kid... I feel bad for her for being born into that mess of a family. Someone tell Eleanore her kid's no princess coz the queen didn't make her one. I give the whole "marriage" 5 years, tops. Their (sic) both narcissists and you just know that they're getting tired of each others (sic) crap. This is very desperate and so low even for them."

Well, you just can't please everybody, so it seems. For what it's worth, we think Lady Ella looks adorable, and we're 100% convinced every little girl deserves to be treated like a princess - royal or not.

Happy Spooky Fest to the Harvelles! 🎃

#ts4 #theroyalsims #ts4 simblr #simblr #ts4 royals #ts4 royal family #ts4 royal story #ts4 royal legacy #ts4 royalty #eleanore #ibrahim #ella

[okayto]

Mini-Review: Bee and PuppyCat: Lazy in Space

Bee, an unemployed woman in her early twenties, encounters a mysterious creature she terms PuppyCat. She adopts this apparent cat-dog hybrid, and together they go on a series of temporary jobs to pay off her monthly rent. These bizarre jobs take the duo across strange worlds out in space.

This is the kind of show I often enjoy, episodic while expanding the world and our view as the stories pass; humorous without making me cringe.

It's a very fun show that looks like its aimed at kids, and would probably be fine for that audience--it's not adult humor in the vein of things like The Simpsons or Rick and Morty, but it feels like adults are the audience because of the atmosphere.

Bee is a mess, in a recognizable way: she's been fired from her job for possibly valid reasons but also partially for taking the blame for someone else. She's aimless: if it wasn't for the rent being due, she wouldn't really be looking for another job.

The aimlessness of being an adult, yet not automatically having things all together, is a running theme. Bee definitely doesn't. Her best friend and neighbor, Deckard, is struggling to decide between following his passion, and staying where he is in a predictable environment with friends and family.

His sister Cas gave up a passion project in favor of the predictable work and stability of software engineering, something she has complicated feelings about. Their landlord, Cardamom, seems to have everything all together, except he's a 7-year-old with no adult supervision, and as the episodes go on you realize that his straightforward approach to life is actually a child being forced to handle things that are an adult's domain.

The setting is also fun: it's hard to tell whether things like toilets be a place to store food instead of, well, bodily functions are normal, or why a 7-year-old seriously acting as a landlord doesn't seem to raise many comments. Is this a fantasy land where things are just kind skewed anyway? Or are Bee and her neighbors extra-odd? In that way, it reminds me a bit of Steven Universe, with its mix of cartoon reality and non-main characters eventually making clear that they think this is weird, too.

The actual fantastical bits are interesting, too. We get information about Puppycat towards the end, but he definitely has secrets, and Bee isn't as straightforward as she appears at the beginning, either. Their visits to other planets/dimensions (?) to earn money would be an interesting show even without showing any of their home lives.

You can definitely see the influences of classic magical girl anime, but this show is also the answer to the premise: what if magical girl, but tired adult? What if magical girl, but it's just kinda a job?

Verdict

Voices: Very good! They sound very...realistic, not super polished. I don't mean that they sound like inexperienced voice actors, I mean that they sound real and variable, which isn't common in voice acting. I really enjoyed them.

Also, special shoutout to my favorite character, Toast, whose first line had me wracking my brain to figure out why did her voice sound SO familiar and why was her voice affecting something in my emotions until I looked it up, and her voice actress is the English voice of Sailor Moon/Serena that I grew up with!

Visuals: Vibrant and pastel colors, a very round cartoon style, it feels modern and cozy.

Worth watching? Yes! On one hand, it's just a fun series, the balance between "just living life as an aimless young adult" and "brightly-colored fantastical adventures" is done well. The supporting cast of characters is great and entertaining. And on the other hand, it's also nice to watch a cartoon that feels very much like the target audience are adults, but not because the show is raunchy. I really hope we get another season someday.

Where to watch (USA, as of September 2023): Netflix. Note that a 10-episode original web animation (titled Bee and Puppycat without any subtitle) can be found on Youtube; the Netflix series I watched is both a reboot (covers the original series' material in a few episodes) and then continuation. After asking advice on here, general consensus was that newbies starting with the Netflix series is a good idea, but there's nothing wrong with the older, original web animation.

Click my “reviews” tag below or search “mini review” on my blog to find more!

#Bee and PuppyCat #Bee and PuppyCat Lazy in Space #cartoon #reviews #recommendation

[astraystayyh]

Eek more questions hehe I really like this new set

Really curious for #1, #7, #8, #10, #13, #21, #24, #28, #34, and #35!!

These were really good questions hehe

-💫

What inspired you to start writing fanfiction?

it was i think my 3rd month of being a stay? and I really loved reading ff on here even tho I had no idea how this app worked LMAO I've already told her but @rachalixie's hurt/comfort drabbles were my fav thing to read, she was one the first ppl I followed on here, and so, tmi, I was feeling so anxious and I wrote a channie helping u through an anxiety attack drabble (that I never posted AJSNJSB) and I was like hold on! this is fun! i can write what I want??? and post it for people to read...... like I was already writing some poems for a couple of years now but they were just for me yk, so i got super ambitious and i posted a long ass OT8 saying ily for the first time as my first fic akssjnjb i was so nervous like actually shaking and refreshing the notif bar every two seconds, i still rem the very first two comments i got, i think that's when it hit me that people actually READ stuff I wrote.

short answer, i've always loved writing and then stayblr -mainly anny inspired me to start writing too hehe

10. What's your favorite part about the fic writing process?

wahhhh probably coming up with lines i'm proud of?? i also loveee weaving parallels into my fics and for everything to come full circle, I love the symbolic aspects of fic writing in a way, thinking of mundane things and giving them an important significance for the characters!!! someone commented underneath Orange that they cannot believe they're crying over oranges and that rlly made me giggle!! that's the point HEHEH

13. What's the most challenging aspect of writing fanfiction for you?

for me it's descriptions ;;;; especially when it comes to sceneries or clothes or omg PLACES like decor and all,, I can't envision these things in my mind so I always worry I'm not describing them well in my fics,,, also the little transition scenes where nothing MAJOR happens but that are still pivotal to the right flow of the story ;;; yeah these mess with my head the most

21. Have you ever used fanfiction as a way to explore your own emotions or personal experiences?

hiii heyyy ofc i did ZJKNJD i think a lot of authors will relate but art cannot be completely separate from the artist, every work u read of mine has a little (or big) piece of me in it, that's why it's so vulnerable for writers to share their works on this scary place because u are perceived and judged for them and u hope that someone will find solace in ur struggles or relate to ur worries,,, and this is really helping me mend back my rp with love!!!

24. What advice would you give to someone who wants to start writing fanfiction?

JUST DO IT!!!! seriously go for it, you'll 100% cringe at ur earlier works later on but u will also improve and learn and discover things about urself that u would've never known otherwise!!! be self-indulgent and write things for urself and there will be always someone who will appreciate them

34. Are there any fic writing tips or tricks you've learned along the way that you'd like to share?

im trying to think of smtg i never mentioned before mmmm.... oh I think that trying to include bits and quirks of the member u are writing about is always so fun and makes the story more enjoyable for the reader!! ofc we don't know what these idols are like irl BUT there are some aspects of their personalities that we know of (like their interests or small habits) and it's always fun to incorporate into ur story, also helps with the characterization hehe

35. What do you enjoy most about being a fic writer?

THE FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!! nothing beats the feedback for me it's literally what makes the entire thinking, writing and editing process worth it!! the feedback is what keeps me going and fuels my motivation, it is so so important for writers I can't stress this enough,,, I'm so so grateful and lucky to have such sweet readers who leave me the most THOUGHTFUL feedback, like with just one rb u could erase SEAS OF DOUBTS in the writer's mind. i always say this but the only way for me to know if my fic is good is by reading u guys' opinions,,, so yeah the feedback is my fuel ;;;;

7. How do you handle writer's block or moments of creative stagnation? 8. Do you have any rituals or habits that help you get into the zone? 28. What's the most ambitious or challenging fic you've ever written

i answered these here and here <33

#THIS WAS SOOO FUN #THANK U BABY FOR SENDING THESE IN #i hope this isn't too long i had to ramble AJKSNJZD #sahar's.asks <3 #💫 anon

[alloveydovey]

Dramas I watched this past month! The month of the rewatch. (Also spoilers!)

Crush (cdrama) 6.5

This had such a strong start and then went downhill bad (like really bad).

Psychology student decides to sort of intern (? at a special education school and meets a blind braille teacher there. There’s also music involved.

Like in most cdramas I’ve watched, everyone behaves like a twelve-year-old, and the conflict starts out of things that an adult should be able to prevent. The main couple drastically changes in the second half, and it’s like you are watching a whole other drama.

Into the Ring (kdrama) (rewatch) 10 ⭐️

My eternal love to Nana in this (and in general. I’m in love with her). Se Ra is probably my favorite FL from all the dramas I’ve watched.

I remember being very skeptical the first time I saw this (because politics, kinda boring?) but it was so worth it.

Park Sung Hoon is also such an excellent companion to all of her craziness. His and Nana's chemistry was one of the best ones. The awkward but somehow very comfortable atmosphere you feel while watching them is next level. Still one of my favorite dramas. 10/10, I adore it.

Doona! (kdrama) 8

I still have mixed feelings about this one. The sort of angst romance was on point. Actors were good, narrative was fast-paced and kept me entertained. Doona is presented as a complex character and so the story even with happy moments, feels very bittersweet. But even with all that, I feel like I'd have to watch it again because there’s something that puts me off but I can’t quite decide what it is exactly.

I also want to know why they had her wearing tiny tank tops and shorts in snowy winter lol…

A Business Proposal (kdrama) (rewatch) 8.5

The first time I watched a business proposal I didn’t really like it. I thought it was way too cliche and absurd and dropped it after the third episode. It was the fourth kdrama I had watched after Crash Landing on You, Hometown Cha Cha Cha, and Twenty-Five Twenty-One so like… it had big shoes to fill in. I came back to it eventually and finished it.

Now after rewatching… I think learned to appreciate a good over-the-top rom-com (they became my favorites lol) and this definetly hits all the boxes. It feels like an instant classic. Also music 10/10.

Usokon (jdrama) 7

If it is marriage contract/fake dating then sign me the fuck up!!! Usokon started strong but at some point (around episode 8/9) I started getting frustrated. We know that there are feelings involved, but nobody is doing anything about it. The ML (even though he absolutely steals the show) doesn’t do anything to move forward, and the FL is too clueless to make a move. And so there’s not enough romance in a drama that is primarily romantic since the main focus is their fake marriage/ relationship. Also, it had such a frustrating ending!!!

My Girlfriend is a Gumiho (kdrama) 7,5 ⭐️

Nothing beats old kdramas, they have such a particular nostalgic vibe that makes you unable to stop watching. My girlfriend is a gumiho was so sooo stupid, childish, and even cringe, but so cute!!! Every time Shin Min Ah and Lee Seung Gi were together on screen I couldn’t stop smiling. I can totally see this one becoming a comfort drama. Another one with soundtrack 10/10.

Daily Dose of Sunshine (kdrama) 9

I read somewhere that this was like a mental health for dummies book, and to be honest, it’s kind of like that, but it works so well! The way they visualized mental disorders was so creative, I was impressed.

All the characters were intriguing enough to keep me going. Everyone had something to offer here. Even the patients from each episode.

Watching this felt deeply sad yet deeply comforting as well. Park Bo Young absolutely kills it (as usual. QUEEN).

Twinkling Watermelon (kdrama) 9.5

This one was pure gold. Time travel to meet the younger version of your parents? Sign me fuck up. The idea of sending Eun Gyeol back in time to try to understand his family and live his youth is such a cool (and emotional af) premise. It had the ideal balance of comedy and emotion. I feel like sixteen episodes weren’t enough. I could have sat there for another twenty episodes watching those teenagers being silly lol.

#netflix kdrama #kdramas #jdramas #cdramas #daily dose of sunshine #twinkling watermelon #crush #usokon #my girlfriend is a gumiho #into the ring #a business proposal #doona! #dovey watches

[dustedmagazine]

Dust Volume Nine, Number 10

Older, but not a bit wiser, the Hives return

Fall comes with its smell of maple in the leaves, its intimations of mortality and, this year, its share of unsettling events—war in the middle east, AI in everything and the murder of our beloved Bandcamp by capitalist privateers.  (We are not equating these things by any means.)  Like always, we turn to music, the annihilating blare of metal, the agile interplay of improvisation, the well-shaped contours of pop, depending on our individual tastes.  We hope you’ll find something to ease your own personal burden in all this as well.  Contributors include Bryon Hayes, Bill Meyer, Andrew Forell, Tim Clarke, Jonathan Shaw, Ian Mathers, Alex Johnson, Jennifer Kelly and Ray Garraty. 

Due to technical issues we're posting this in two parts, so don't miss the second one.

Ad Hoc — Corpse (Shame File Music / Albert’s Basement)

Ad Hoc was a Melbourne-based improvising unit, an experimental outfit that should have higher prominence. It only took 40-plus years, but Shame File Music and Albert’s Basement are finally spearheading a reissue initiative. Last year saw the arrival of the trio’s sole release, the hypnotic Distance cassette. It disappeared the moment it became available. Corpse documents an unconventional live performance from the group. They prepared their instruments (guitars, an EMS Synthi AKS synth and tape loops) for performance prior to the arrival of the audience and then shut off their amps. When all were seated, the trio turned on the amplifiers and unfurled an aleatoric blast of sound. The resulting music is far removed from the ambient tone clusters of Distance. The first piece shimmers in a way that calls to mind Matthew Bower’s Sunroof project, while the latter piece bathes in guitar noise so thick that it may have influenced The Dead C’s The Operation of the Sonne EP. Ad Hoc have today’s noisemakers beat: Corpse presents itself with a freshness that belies its 1980 provenance.

Bryon Hayes

Axolotl — Abrasive (Souffle Continu)

The French trio Axolotl existed for a few years in the early 1980s, and it reflects the aesthetic concerns of its time. Guitarist Marc Dufourd’s playing betrays some acquaintance with the work of Derek Bailey and Henry Kaiser, and the fibrous tones and agile exchanges between reeds players Jacques Oger and Etienne Brunet recall Evan Parker. All three double on electronics, hand percussion and utterances. These accessories, in combination with the concentration of the album’s 12 tracks, give the music a truculent attitude and just-the-facts brevity that brings to mind punk and post-punk. This may be free improvisation, but it is improvised from a point of view, and it’s that informed attitude that makes the album worth visiting nearly 40 years after its original release.

Bill Meyer

Will Butler + Sister Squares — Self-Titled (Merge)

Will Butler joins with Sister Squares — multi-instrumentalists Jenny (Butler’s wife) and Julie Shore, Sara Dobbs and drummer/producer Miles Francis — for their debut album. Bouncy, heartland rock garlanded with that 1980s Fairlight and Linn drum sound mixes with touches of art rock as Butler emotes wholehearted. The influence of the 20 years Butler spent with Arcade Fire is inescapable, but it feels like the quintet have also been listening to Billy MacKenzie (“Long Grass”) and Russell Mael (“Arrow of Time”) as well as Springsteen, Mellencamp and company. “Hee Loop” sounds like a mash of Paul Simon and Peter Gabriel. The themes and emotions can be big in that Arcade Fire way that’s equal parts exhilarating and exhausting, but the album works best when the band dial down the melodramatic flourishes as on “Car Crash” and “The Window,” where Butler is right in your ear, tired, disillusioned, real. This is a record I wanted to like both more and less. For every heartfelt moment and interesting musical choice, there’s a cringe-inducing gestural overreach that makes you wince. A bit like his former band but with enough promise to persevere with.

Andrew Forell

Claire Deak — Sotto Voce (Lost Tribe Sound)

Melbourne-based composer Claire Deak’s last release on Lost Tribe Sound was 2020’s The Old Capital, a fantastic collaboration with Tony Dupé. In my Dusted review I said, “There’s so much wonderful stuff going on across these seven songs that it’s a delight to revisit.” As its title suggests, Deak’s solo debut, Sotto Voce, very much sits at the opposite end of the musical spectrum. This is subtle, minimal music that softly arises out of silence and speaks an elusive language. The background to the album’s creation is Deak’s exploration of the work of two women composers from the early baroque era, Francesca Caccini (1587–c.1645) and Barbara Strozzi (1619–1677). The dominant musical elements are strings, harp and voice, with other instruments coloring the edges of these understated, starkly beautiful compositions. Across the album’s 42 minutes the music feels, at times, to be battling the entropy of erasure, struggling to be heard amid the cacophony of these overstimulated times. For that reason alone, it’s necessary to invest your attention and listen closely. The experience is eerie and transportive.

Tim Clarke

Mike Donovan — Meets the Mighty Flashlight (Drag City)

On a musical Venn diagram showing the intersecting circles of garage rock, lo-fi, and psych, Mike Donovan has set up his sandbox. With Sic Alps he veered more noisy and lo-fi; with Peacers he favored a straight-ahead garage-rock sound. On this new record with Mike Fellows, AKA The Mighty Flashlight, Donovan steers in the direction of shambolic psychedelic-pop in the vein of the Olivia Tremor Control. (To anyone who knows and loves OTC, this is obviously a very good thing.) The splashy drums and percussion tracks feel like a gestural afterthought rather than a rhythmic backbone the songs are built around, and Donovan and Fellows steer these songs into some choppy, unexpected waters. Opener “Planet Metley” is the clearest and most successful distillation of their aesthetic, offering up a staggering range of ideas in under four minutes, stopping and starting erratically, the bass roving all over the fretboard. At the other end of the spectrum, “Laurel Lotus Dub” is the kind of experiment that sounds like it was more fun to create that it is to listen back to. Between these two extremes there’s the junkshop boogie of “A Capital Pitch,” which features the hilarious line, “Hanging out on the ramparts with some dickheads in black,” the concise drum-machine and organ instrumental “Amalgam Wagon,” and the plaintive, country-flavored “Whistledown.” Wherever Donovan roams it’s usually worth following, and Meets the Mighty Flashlight is a winning collaboration that fizzes with fun.

Tim Clarke

Everything Falls Apart — Everything Falls Apart (Totalism)

“Somn” means sleep, or more poetically death. It’s the title of six of the seven tracks from Everything Falls Apart, the self-titled album from the duo of Belgian bassist Otto Lindholm (born Cyrille de Haes) and English producer Ross Tones. Those titles (numbered six to 11) and the coda “Wonderfully Desolate” tell you only part of the story of the music the pair produce. Their conversation focuses on the nuance of the Lindholm’s double bass which Tones swathes in electronic effects, stretching notes and motifs into near drones in timbres that rise from the murk like lugubrious sentinels. This is seriously heavy music but the dynamism of the duo’s understanding and interplay distinguishes Everything Falls Apart. Whilst many of the pieces focus on stasis and decay, “Somn 9” is a desert storm with clicking percussion, almost didgeridoo like growls from the bass and screeching electronic noise. On “Somn 11”, deep bowed notes support Lindholm’s move through the registers as if shaking from fitful dreams into the morning light. “Wonderfully Desolate” is comparatively unadorned, a string quartet playing against the end times, shimmers of light through the cracks.

Andrew Forell

False Fed — Let Them Eat Fake (Neurot Recordings)

Is it accurate to call a band including members of legendary underground acts Amebix (Stig Miller), Nausea (Roy Mayorga) and Broken Bones (Jeff Janiak) a “supergroup”? It might help to note that Janiak has sung for Discharge since 2014, and Mayorga has done a couple stints as drummer for Ministry. All names to conjure with (though a few of us first encountered Mayorga as a teenager back in the 1980s Lehigh Valley hardcore scene, when he drummed for Youthquake; West Catty Playground Building forever, man). In any case, the players have pooled their talents to create this death-rocking, sorta goth, sorta post-punk record, and it’s a lot of grim, grimy fun. Most of the music is mid-tempo, grand and romantic in its gestures, but shot through with a crusty growl in the guitars and production tone. The best songs speed things up a bit; both “The Tyrant Dies” and “The Big Sleep” have compelling momentum, complementing the stakes of songs’ ideas. It's Armagideon Time, people. Here’s your soundtrack, from dudes that know.

Jonathan Shaw

Hauschka— Philanthropy (City Slang)

German composer Volker Bertelmann’s 15th album of prepared piano pieces under the name Hauschka is noticeably warmer than some of his previous works. Joined by Samuli Kosminen on percussion and electronics and cellist Laura Wiek, Hauschka continues his exploration of the rhythmic and timbral possibilities of his instrument. At times almost jaunty, there are echoes of Bertelmann’s previous experiments with melancholic atmospherics but the general tone here is welcoming and optimistic. Kosminen adds subtle effects which frame rather than obscure the piano. There’s a touch of Satie in Hauschka’s playful iconoclastic approach to the piano and his deceptively simple melodies, especially on “Loved Ones” where Wiek’s plangent cello lines sustain and decay over an allusive harmony that speaks both of innocence and experience. At the other end of the spectrum, the closing piece “Noise” builds abstract ambience from repeated piano notes, smears of cello and a quiet wash of effects as if the players are enveloped in a thick damp fog. A lovely album for both fans and newcomers.

Andrew Forell

The Hives — The Death of Randy Fitzsimmons (Disques Hives)

There are usually going to be some questions when a band comes back with a new record after over a decade, maybe especially so with an act like Swedish garage/punk flamboyants the Hives; can they match the energy of their youth? Are they still willing and able to give us the old thrills? Or have they (and this is usually asked with a small, tasteful shudder of disgust) matured? It doesn’t take very long into first single/first track “Bogus Operandi” for the concerned listener to have reason for a sigh of relief. Anyone who used to (or still does?) blast “Main Offender” or “Hate to Say I Told You So” or “Walk Idiot Walk” should feel the galvanizing charge of a true, Frankensteinian resurrection once the riff hits. And across these not-quite-32 minutes (the brevity is also a promising sign) Howlin’ Pelle Almqvist and the boys kick up exactly the kind of racket you’d want from them, with tracks like “Trapdoor Solution” and “The Bomb” savoring the kind of gleefully dumb fun they’ve always provided (with a nice sideline in some of Almqvist’s deliberately, over-the-top awful narrators on “Two Kinds of Trouble” and “What Did I Ever Do to You?”). They even continue to throw out small, satisfying variations on the classic Hives sound like the brassy swagger of “Stick Up” and the surprisingly heartfelt thrash of “Smoke & Mirrors”. They may have killed off their “sixth member,” but the Hives are otherwise in rude health.

Ian Mathers

Islet — Soft Fascination (Fire)

The Welsh psych-electronic oddballs in Islet are on their fourth full-length now but show no signs of settling down. Soft Fascination is a bonkers mash up of dance pop, art song, hip hop, noise and folk. “Euphoria” floats a feather-light daze, a la Avey Tare, then punctures it the rat-at-tat of snare, the rifle shot rap repartee of Emma Daman Thomas. Gossamer textures of synth weave in and around the main action, snapping tight at intervals, like sails catching a hard wind. The whole thing is butterfly ephemeral with strong wires holding it up, a combination of daydream and architecture. “River Body,” if anything, tips even crazier, with its infectious sing-song, skip-rope vocals, its tootling toy keyboards, its blasts of noise and friction. And what can you make of “Sherry” which bucks and heaves and shouts out “Ay, ay, ay, ay,” like a lost Matias Aguayar cut? “Ay, ay, ay, ay,” indeed.

Jennifer Kelly

Jute Gyte — Unus Mundus Patet (Self-released)

Unus Mundus Patet is not the most dissonant or challenging record Adam Kalmbach has released during his 20-plus-year run under the Jute Gyte moniker. But neither is this black metal for the kvlt trve believers or for the hipster-adjacent sets, be they transcendental or ecstatic or blackgazy. The songs twist and turn in on themselves, always clear in their expressions of complex musical ideas, and also — somehow, someway — listenable and enjoyable. Avant-garde? Sure thing, and likely a much more authentic iteration of that phrase’s meaning than the music many other metal bands churn out under cover of high-minded beard stroking. See the by-turns undulating and fragmenting “Killing a Sword” or the trudging, vertiginous and then utterly thrilling “Philoctetes.” Jute Gyte doesn’t make music for the background, but if you can give these songs your full attention, you’ll be rewarded. Turn it up and open the portal into somewhere much weirder and more marvelous.

Jonathan Shaw

Danny Kamins / Chris Alford / Charles Pagano — The Secret Stop (Musical Eschatology)

Free improvisation may be a little sparser on the ground in the southern USA than it is in Chicago or New York, but The Secret Stop affirms the vigor of those who participate. Guitarist Chris Alford and drummer Charles Pagano play in New Orleans, and Danny Kamins is a saxophonist from Texas; this encounter took place in the Crescent City. As even players in places like the aforementioned northern cities or London will affirm, travel comes with this territory. Their interactions display a capacity to sustain balance when the energy is high and to back off when doing so will transform the music’s tension. Kamins intersperses long, coarse tones with emphatic pops, and Alford evidences a fluent stutter that suggests he’s spent a lot of time studying James “Blood” Ulmer’s sound grammar. Pagano’s cymbal sizzle and mutating not-quite-patterns provide both forward momentum and a framework within which the action occurs.

Bill Meyer

MIKE \ Wiki \ The Alchemist — Faith Is a Rock (ALC)

The long awaited collaboration between The Alchemist and MIKE took a sudden turn when they took on board another New York rapper Wiki who steals the show here. Both Wiki and MIKE were outcasts recording music in the vein of Earl Sweatshirt, even though MIKE was always a better version of Earl with only possibly a tenth of his fame. Knowing no rest, The Alchemist (that is his fourth collab this year) takes both MCs way out of their comfort zone, refusing to pander to the needs. MIKE and Wiki have to deal with The Alchemist’s fast and thick layered production, and it works for all of them. “Mayors A Cop” is a standout here, and Faith Is a Rock is one strong contender for the tape of the year.

Ray Garraty

Camila Nebbia — Una Ofrenda A La Ausencía (Relative Pitch)

The title translates as An Offering To Absence, which of course raises the question, what’s missing? Camila Nebbia is a multidisciplinary artist who grew up in Buenos Aires, Argentina, but has seems to have spent a fair chunk of time moving around Europe in recent years, and is currently based in Berlin. She has a sizable discography, but this correspondent has not heard most of it, so let’s just focus on the album at hand. Its 16 tracks present three facets of her work — acoustic tenor saxophone, electronically adjusted saxophone and poetry — with the first method best represented. The unaccompanied saxophone performances reveal her mastery of both weight-bearing muscularity and adroit tap-dancing on the far side of the fences that confine conventional tonality. But when she layers long tones and feedback, Nebbia becomes a one-woman orchestra transmitting heavy Penderecki vibes. The one poem included, “Dejo que me lieve” (“I let it lie”), is recited in Spanish, and no translation is offered; perhaps home is what’s not there, so she needs to manifest it creatively?

Bill Meyer

[Continued in Part 2, because Tumblr decided we only get 10 audio links.]

#ad hoc #bryon hayes #dust #dusted magazine #axolotl #bill meyer #will butler #square sisters #andrew forell #claire deak #tim clarke #mike donovan #everything falls apart #false fed #jonathan shaw #hauschke #the hives #ian mathers #islet #jennifer kelly #jute gyte #danny kamins #MIKE #ray garraty #camila nebbia #Angelika Niescier #Bandcamp #Youtube

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

I'm going to spend a little more time thinking about this show before I score it. Because I hate the show, right. I think at its absolute best it is a series that actively and aggressively fails to live up to its potential, and at its worst it is an atrociously bad overpowered protagonist lame comedy all around cringe shounen with a shit power system and all around awful writing. And I genuinely don't understand how anyone could like it, like, at all. The overwhelming ability of apparently almost everyone who has ever seen Frieren to just completely see past the things that frustrate me about it bewilders me. I think in general I'm pretty good at putting myself in the headspace of other people to see how they could like a thing, even things I hate, but I just can't do it with Frieren. The problems with this show are so violently obvious and frustrating to me that I fundamentally cannot understand how anybody could possibly enjoy it. I am convinced of my own problems with the show, right. To me it does suck and it is shit and I've been watching anime for almost 10 years now and this type of contemplative melancholy optimism genre is my bread and butter, shows that are like Frieren occupy a good majority of things I've given 10/10 scores to or consider some of my favourite anime. But this one specifically I just don't vibe with whatsoever and think is terrible at almost everything it sets out to do.

But I think for all that, I can't help shake the feeling that I'm being a liiiiiittle bit of a hater. Because the show sucks and pisses me off and whatever else, but I think I'm less mad at the show itself and more mad at the fact that massive swathes of people are convinced that anime is saved or something because of Frieren, it's so the best thing ever that it's sitting at a 9.37 on MAL right now, a score so ludicrously high that anything being scored with it would feel excessive. Everybody loves it, everybody thinks it's great, and I'm mad at them for not seeing the absolute shitshow that I see. And this problem I have I think has been amplified recently by just some tweets I've seen, of Frieren's fans accusing people that don't like the show of just, well, all sorts of bullshit, you know? If you don't like Frieren you are; a hater, a moronic shounen fan, a zoomer with a tiktok attention span, incapable of paying attention to anything slow or conemplative in any way, and just plain wrong and stupid. There is a sincere lack of willingness to engage with the idea that anyone could earnestly dislike the show for a variety of reasons, and it sucks. It's even worse because now that it's the top rated anime on MAL if you rate it low it's because you want FMAB to be at the top no matter what and you're just review bombing Frieren because you're a sheep or whatever. It just frustrates me so much that there's no conversation to be had here. You either think Frieren is god's gift to the industry and the best thing to air in the past 5-10 years, or you should make like Aura did and kill yourself. It's shit.

For what it's worth by the way, I get that I am both being a hypocrite as well as overly generalising people. I'm not willing to engage with the idea that Frieren is good, so why should people engage with the idea that it's bad? And all that "hrrr frieren fans are so annoying" is referring to like, ten tweets or something with a couple dozen replies each. I have literally spoken to people that are willing to engage with me about Frieren whom like the show but are more than willing to have a conversation and all that. But you know, it is what it is.

But anyway yeah no back to the scoring thing. Just to reiterate, I hate the show anyway, but I'm more mad at the reception and reaction to the thing. So I feel like if I scored it now I'd give it a 1/10 where my judgement is just absolutely clouded by being annoyed by the fans or whatever. Cause even while watching it I did occasionally find merit, you know? Not even just the production whoring but in the characters we were interacting with and the stories on screen. I think if I give myself more time to reflect I'll at least be able to give the show its due credit. I don't expect to score it higher than like a 4 or something maximum, and maybe I'll spend more time thinking about it and still just give it a 1 anyway, but like, I really do think I should spend a bit more time thinking before I decide anything further, so I mean, yeah. Frieren huh. If it gets any sort of followup I don't think I'll watch, and that way the Frieren tag will be cleansed of my bullshit, and the community can watch in peace. ggs.

#frieren #23.3.24

[darthfrodophantom]

7 days until the final chapter of A Secret Uncovered! One week left!

Today we have 7 things I wish I did differently while writing this story. It's normal for an author to go back and look at their old works (especially from 17 years ago!) and find things they wish they did differently, and here are mine.

Well obviously finish it sooner. That will forever be my biggest regret. Yes, my writing matured over time and I think that helped convey some of the bigger themes towards the end, but I know I lost a lot of people and momentum by waiting this long too.

Not build it up so much in my mind that I got too scared to finish it. That became one of my major obstacles in completing this chapter. I kept fearing that it wouldn't be good enough and then I feared that it wouldn't be worth the wait. I'm hoping I'm wrong and it was just imposter syndrome.

Some things...did not age well and really feel their age. I’ve worked hard to remove those from the rewrite on AO3 and really they were a big part of my inspiration for doing the rewrite.

Lack of emotion in the initial reveal to his parents. It was...quick and incredibly superficial. But I also was not a great writer back then (this was only my second fanfic I ever posted) and I think I didn't quite know how to do it justice more. That’s also been expanded upon in the new version, but it was always a regret of mine.

The cringe. There is so much cringe in the early chapters. I know some people find it charming, but it was hard to see as I reread this. So I’ve hopefully fixed a lot of that too.

The runon sentences. I was so bad about those for a time. I had this phase where I read someone else write like that and I thought that meant it was okay. That was a mistake that I've been working to correct in the new version.

The title. I wish I had picked something flashier, especially with all the cool titles that people have for fics now. 

So there, a little peek into some of the things I wish went differently as I look back on this story 17 years later with older, fresher eyes.

Countdown List: 10 things that happened since I last posted a chapter 9 people I'd like to thank 8 of my favorite memories 7 things I wish I did differently

#danny phantom #danny phantom fanfiction #fanfiction #a secret uncovered #countdown to a secret uncovered #countdown #7 days #one week to go everyone! #I hope you're excited! #I know I am!

[kyunsies]

life update

hello my beloved friends, i have neglected this blog for quite some time. i’ve had a lot of things happening in my life it seems for the past 6 months and it has taken me all but now to finally come here and write down my thoughts. i want to first say i’m really sorry for not making content as much as i used to — i was always one to say to myself “no matter how busy life gets, i will always make time for tumbly and my mutuals here!”. however, things have gone really differently and before i knew it time was really slipping away from me and i found myself not having much energy to come here :( but life works in silly ways and i am met with another new chapter in my life, and i’ve wanted to share it with you all for a while now, so without further ado, here’s what i’ve been up to, here’s what i’ve been dealing with day to day, so grab a snackie or a coffee and i’ll update you with my life <3

the biggest change that has occurred is that i have decided to switch from inpatient hospital nursing (working in the hospital) to a new outpatient nursing opportunity. as you know, i moved away from my family not only to receive my nursing degree, but to also start my dream job working in one of the most prestigious children’s hospitals in the country, working in the neonatal intensive care unit. those who have known me well here know that this was literally my dream job and i wanted so badly to work at this hospital. my orientation would be 6 months and i would feel prepared to take on the sickest of babies. things were going well until i started to care for sicker, more critical infants. all the medication, the constant monitoring, the stress of screwing something up, the fear of having to quite literally revive a baby if they were to deteriorate — it was a lot for me. i thought i could handle it, but month after month i would start to fear what type of assignments i would get. i got very little sleep due to stress and i took it home with me every day, not to mention the crippling self doubt i felt as a new graduate nurse in an intensive care unit. i wasn’t happy, i was dreading work, and i was stressed beyond belief. i really talked this out with my family and best friend/roommate (who is also a nurse) and we came to this conclusion: life is too short to be miserable, and nursing can burn you out in a week, a month, or even years. what was the point of going on if i was so miserable and unhappy inside? i didn’t want the stress anymore, i couldn’t bare it and my mental health was suffering. so with that, i took a leap of faith and landed a job in a pediatric office that gives me a better work-life balance, as well as less stress. i actually start tomorrow !!!! so i’m excited to move on, to not be disappointed with myself, and to heal :)

another huge change in my personal life is that i have found love <3 i have been dating my current boyfriend since the beginning of january and i honestly have never been this content with my personal life ever :) i have been spending a lot of time with him and he makes me so incredibly happy, makes me very loved and treats me with respect and patience and most of all kindness. i’m being cringe as HELL but we love each other dearly and i’m gonna tell you something i’ve learned about falling in love: you realize how insignificant a lot of things are and that you’ll do a lot of things with someone you care about <3 i’ve found myself gravitating less and less to my phone when we spend time together, and honestly it’s probably healthy. so yeah, don’t wanna be too fringe but ya girl is in a happy healthy and committed relationship 10/10 would recommend hehe :)

i’ve been healing. ever since i’ve had this turmoil with my job, it has made me think a lot about what my worth as a nurse is. like, will people ever think less of me as a nurse if i’m not stressing myself to the max at a really difficult floor in a top hospital? i felt like i was being shamed by choosing to work in a pediatric office. i felt like my identity as a nurse was stripped away just because i’m not pursuing conventional nursing paths. i still have a long ways to go mentally as i navigate this weird transition in my life. there have been a lot of tears, a lot of doubt, a lot of sadness and frustration, but i’m just realizing that again, life is too short to be miserable and i need to do things that make me happy and give me fulfillment. i’m hoping i can heal my mental health and start focusing on my path as opposed to what others think of me, and i encourage you all to do that as well <3

so, what’s next?

i’m really going to try my best and be back on here! try giffing some content i’ve neglected and pave more present bc i do really miss blogging and creating at the end of the day! i miss interacting with you all and goofing around :) it might take a while but i’ll be here popping in and around don’t you worry! i just want to say this before i go — pls prioritize your mental health and happiness over anything else. i love you all very much and see you soon xx

#mädch rambles #see you soon everyone! thank you for being patient with me and sticking around <3 #hopefully i can start giffing soon when i have the time :) #take care of yourselves !!!

[hilarychuff]

carrie in my stranger things au graphic series 

It’s easy to laugh with everyone else when Chrissy Cunningham gets her period in the showers after gym. They’re seniors in high school, for God’s sake. They’ve all been menstruating for, like, years now. You grab a pad, you grab a tampon, you plug it up — you don’t go white as a sheet and stare at the blood on your hands and then try to touch everyone with those same hands, which, by the way, gross. Like, honestly, it’s really not that big of a deal. But when Ms. Kelly comes in, when Ms. Kelly has to grab Chrissy by the shoulders and practically shake her out of her hysterics, Nancy thinks to herself, Oh. Because this, whatever just happened here, this is not normal.

If she had to guess, Nancy would speculate that the guidance counselor heard the screaming from the hall. She doesn’t think anyone in this crew would’ve ran to get her, and Ms. Kelly makes it perfectly clear that she thinks what happened is no laughing matter, practically rubbing in their faces how awful they all were. And they were, Nancy knows now. They were awful. So when they’re stuck in a week’s worth of torturous detention, Nancy swallows her pride, holds her head up high, and takes it. They deserve it. But Carol doesn’t seem to agree, and she gets herself banned from prom because of it.

Well, fine, Nancy thinks. Good riddance to Carol, and good riddance to her boyfriend, Tommy H. If Carol is so set on trying to make the people around her miserable, maybe it’s better that they don’t go. But she won’t pretend that the whole thing doesn’t give her an idea of her own.

Because, well, maybe she doesn’t need to go to prom either. And maybe Chrissy does need to go. The girl had been new last year, had moved from some other part of the state and never quite made friends. She was shy, that much was clear, and her mom — God, her mom was a freak who’d come around to the Wheeler’s house more than once to tell Nancy’s mom just how sinful she and the rest of the family were and how Mrs. Cunningham could show them the way to salvation. If she forked over a $10 contribution to the cause, Karen Wheeler could usually get rid of her fairly fast, but to live with that all of the time, well… Nancy never really thought about it before, but yeah. Yeah, she thinks maybe Chrissy does need to go the prom. Maybe she does need that night of magic, of romance, and Nancy thinks maybe it’s karmic justice that she has to sacrifice her own night for Chrissy to have it.

So Nancy asks her boyfriend to take her. It’s a hard sell for Steve at first, because he doesn’t get it, he didn’t see it, he just knows that quiet Chrissy makes everyone cringe, but he’s a guy who’s pretty willing to go along to get along, and he really does want to make Nancy happy, so eventually he agrees. As it turns out, getting Chrissy to agree is actually the hard part, but when she does, when Steve picks her up and drives her to school and opens her door and sits with her at one of the tables in the gym and smiles at her, she glows. Nancy has to imagine most of it, but she snuck over to see some for herself, and Chrissy really does look gorgeous in a pale pink satin dress. Her hair is long, loose, and Nancy’s never seen her smile like that, but there’s no word for her other than stunning, and Steve must agree based on the way he can’t keep his eyes off her.

It’s sweet, Nancy thinks. Maybe it should bother her, that her boyfriend is on a date with someone else and that he seems to have forgotten about his actual girlfriend entirely, but it doesn’t. Steve is being so patient with her, and Chrissy is shining under his attention, and maybe this is really the way it was meant to be. Maybe it always should’ve been like this. Maybe if it had been like this from the start, if Steve had noticed Chrissy instead of Nancy last year, things would’ve been different. Chrissy had liked his poem after all, no matter the fact that Nancy had been the one to write it. 

When the two of them win prom king and queen, they look so perfect together on the stage, standing side by side in their crowns, that Nancy feels like maybe this night is really the most perfect prom she could’ve had. Better even than whatever she’d always dreamt about as a maybe, as a someday. But then she sees Carol hidden away under the stage, Tommy H. tucked in next to her, and she sees the bucket overhead.

After that, when Nancy tries to remember what happened, everything is in slow motion, a snapshot at best. Ms. Kelly spotting her. Ms. Kelly all but dragging her out of the gym, locking the door. The bucket wobbling. The blood. God, the blood. And then the bucket coming down too, Steve crumpling underneath it, and Chrissy — Nancy can still see through the window when Chrissy goes still beside him. No, not still. Rigid. Tense. And then there’s fire, and a hose, and things are falling from the ceiling, and the screaming — The screaming Nancy remembers most.

Nancy sleeps a lot after that. The reporters said dozens of kids died in the fire, an unexplained accident. Wiring issues, maybe. But Nancy knows. Nancy knows that it was Chrissy. And the car crash, the one where Carol and Tommy H. flipped his hot rod — Nancy thinks that might have been Chrissy, too. But Chrissy is gone now, her mom and her house gone with her. They say there’s only rubble left in its place, as though the whole thing and the two of them in it were just sucked straight down into the ground, and one day…. One day, Nancy will walk over to see for herself. She needs to see it for herself. She just hopes she’ll be ready for whatever might be waiting for her there when she does.

ft. chrissy as carrie white, nancy as sue snell, steve as tommy ross, mrs. cunningham as margaret white, ms. kelly as miss collins, carol as chris hargenson, tommy h. as billy nolan

#stranger things #stranger things au #chrissy cunningham #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #cheerscoops #steve x chrissy #chrissy x steve #stancy #honestly a lil nancy chrissy too if you squint #stranger things carrie au #anyway!!!!! #i have a lot of chrissy carrie thoughts actually #but this felt right to write the blurb from nancy's pov #stranger things au series #my au graphics #my graphics

[kuri-no-tani]

JVC Post #30

Welcome to the NHK

This was one of the first anime I watched on my own, and at the time I loved it. I thought it was one of the best anime I had seen. Now, after watching it again after so many years, I still think it's pretty good, but not as good as I thought at one point. It's part of a slew of important anime that came out in 2006, which was a huge year in anime. Some other big names from that year are The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya(<3), The Familiar of Zero, Death Note, Aria, and Code Geass. There were also some cool OVAs like the Hellsing Ultimate OVA and Dai Mahou Touge. Though this anime is way too pervy. I think there's a lot this series could have done if it didn't have so much perv humor (even if I get why it was included).

Satou is a pretty well written character as well. He feels like a realistic portrayal of a shut-in NEET. This is a common point that a lot of people bring up when they watch this show.

That being said, Satou is also pretty clearly mentally ill (he doesn't have schizophrenia) which is part of the depiction of hikikomori. It's easy to tell someone that you just have to go out and talk to people or whatever, but it's never that easy for that person. For someone like Satou, something that simple is an insurmountable hurdle. Though, it's not just presenting Satou's issues. It also shows you (and Satou) that everyone struggles in their own way. This is harder to see in the 4 episodes we watched but I think the way this show presents mental illness and the complex situation someone Satou is in is something worth noting.

But all of this is really slapped around by the presentation sometimes. Particularly the way it jumps around after episode 11. The anime is a lot different than the manga or light novel, which are more focused. I feel like this anime would be better if it had stuck to what it was building up in the first half of the show instead of going off on a tangent in the later half. It would have been great as a 13-14 episode anime, even if they did change a lot of it from the light novel/manga. While I love MMORPGs, we didn't need 8 episodes about it in the show.

Its hard to get everything out of this anime with just a few episodes. Some of the episodes are just stuffed with great moments. Despite a lot of it being gross and weird, not a lot of shows have this sort of presentation of otaku culture to my knowledge so it's neat to see. It makes me cringe and look away but it's neat.

What I think the main point of this series is, is to tell people who identify with Satou that no one can go it alone, and to get them to realize that people like Misaki don't exist. You can't hope that someone is gonna knock on your door and rip you out of what you're going through. You have to put in work to make progress on your own; No one can do it for you. It also uses the NHK (Nihon Hikikomori Kyoukai) as a metaphor for blaming the world around you rather than looking inward. It's easy to imagine that you're part of some conspiracy or are in your situation because somehow everything is out to get you, but that's not (usually) the case.

However, I think the "message" of the show might be kind of murky and not well defined. Even with it's realistic depiction of an otaku shut-in NEET, it doesn't say enough about it or offer anything for Satou in the end other than a bittersweet, unhealthy relationship with Misaki. People who relate heavily to Satou aren't going to come out of NHK with anything but a lasting impression of that realistic depiction and will have nothing to go off of. It's a bit disappointing.

Lastly I wanna point out a cultural reference I noticed that I hadn't before. Though we didn't watch it, you can see in episode 3 when Yamazaki hands Satou his top 10 gal-games he hands him "Toki-doki Memorian" which is an obvious reference to Tokimeki Memorial (which is a great game you should play it). Pururin is also pretty clearly inspired by Di Gi Charat's Dejiko.

#doing this for a class