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talkfastromance4 · 4 years

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Something new-- c.h blurb

Did someone say nipple kink? Read and find out ;)

1,000 words exploring this, @cakesunflower I hope this tickles your tastebuds.

donate to my ko-fi here :)

Masterlist

• • • •

You were snuggled up with Duke in the other room watching Calum be on the Amazon Twitch stream to discuss the new album. It was mainly the four of them catching up and goofing off with each other which you know was very well needed. This self-isolation has been taking its toll on the band of brothers more than any of them thought it would.

It was so nice to see them interact together. While you were being fond over their relationship, a certain question piqued your interest when Michael asked Calum if his most recent chest tattoo hurt his nipples.

Your smile only grew the more into the conversation of Calum possibly having a secret nipple kink. Ashton hooted in laughter and Michael was suffering from second hand embarrassment by squealing behind his hands.

Your eyes were on Calum though because he sure seemed to be contemplating this question. Knowing him and being with him for quite some time, you could see the gears in his brain grinding as he looked down. His eyes got wider.

“I don’t have a thing for. . .” he shook his head and his eyebrows furrowed, “I--”

“Are you just making clarification there?” Michael chortles while your boyfriend continues to blush and continues to say this instance can do what it wants.

You made sure to bookmark this moment for a later time.

****

The next day, you and Calum decided to have a pool day and swam around for hours in the warm LA sun, his skin glistening in the sunshine. After drying off outside you both retired inside to cool off and he’s lying on the couch, bucket hat covering his eyes.

You hop onto him lightly, legs on either side of his waist and you trace your fingers over every tattoo on his warm skin.

“Am I sunburnt?” he grumbles just as you finished tracing the ‘e’ in his ‘Choose Life” tattoo.

“Nope,” you smirk and decide to be bold.

You glide your finger down his sternum, admiring the way his stomach clenched as he sucks in a breath from your touch and you curve the course of your finger to the right of his tattoo underneath his pecs. Sneaking a glance at his covered eyes, you circle your finger dangerously close to his left nipple.

Calum pops his bucket hat off, dark eyes alight with curiosity and his lips parted slightly. His large hand lands on your thigh, casually rubbing over your skin.

“Whatcha doin’?” he asks, the pads of his fingers tickling your thigh.

“Admiring your tattoos,” you shrug innocently and take careful care to ghost your nail over the darkened skin of his nipple in passing as you trace over his tattoo.

You notice how his nipple perked at that slight touch and you became giddy with this new endeavor.

“Can I try something?” You ask scooting a little lower on his waist so you could lay easily across his chest, your chin resting perfectly in the dip of his sternum.

“Like what?” his fingers continue to tickle your skin, he always had to be touching you.

“Something new,” you grin and press a gentle kiss to his warm skin. Eyes flickering to his intermittently, you continue to kiss over his long verse of words then onto the harder flesh of his pec. His muscle tenses from your lips and you kiss around his nipple.

Calum’s deepend breathing didn’t go missed by you so you took it a step further. You pucker your lips around his nipple, giving it a barely there wet kiss.

“Fuck,” he sighs, a hint of a moan hanging off his own lips.

You blink up at him and smile.

“Can I try?” you whisper resting your palm on his stomach. His whole body is hot beneath yours and you methodically adjust your hips on his, your core grinding against his already growing hard on.

He swallows harshly and nods, chest rising and falling unevenly beneath your own. His fingers are now tracing designs on your back, but his eyes are focused on you and your next movements.

You turn your attention back to his pec in front of you and very quickly dart your tongue over the small mound. It rises to attention immediately and it only excites you further to suction your lips around the area.

Your teeth nibble and suck on his pert nipple, flicking your tongue playfully as you do and Calum won’t stop sighing. You rest your cheek on his chest, tongue running lazily over his peaked skin so you can gaze up at him. His eyes are closed and he’s biting his lower lip, a lip you love to suck on in between kisses.

Seeing him like this, becoming aroused just from this small attention has you becoming turned on. You suck harshly once more before popping your mouth off and move to his other pec. You blow carefully over this nipple and it pokes out almost instantaneously.

“Keep goin’,” he grunts from above.

Not needing to be told twice, you do the same treatment to his right nipple as his left, but you suckle more on the skin wanting to leave a mark this time. You want him to remember this. Quiet little moans slip from him and it makes you grind yourself onto him, his cock pressing against your heat. You twiddle your tongue over his nipple quickly and give it one last biting kiss before hoisting yourself up by your hands on the couch.

“Guess you do have a nipple kink, huh?” you grin and rub your thumb over his right nipple. You admire your work of marking up his skin, little teeth marks leaving an impression.

Calum is quick to action and pushes you onto your back, he presses himself into you deliciously and you groan at the contact.

“Not a word, cupcake,” he growls and tugs the cup of your bikini top down and latches his own mouth to your breast.

Something new is fun.

• • • •

Taglist: @galcalirwin @cashtonasff5sos @wokeupinjapanisabop @myloverboyash @rotten-kandy @tea4sykes @jannimoeller3 @loveroflrh @iovehemmings @cxddlyash @princesslrh @here-for-the-uproars @katiaw2 @g-l-pierce @fairyintheglass @gosh-im-short @banditocth @dezzym17 @wildflowerxcth @lukeisbaby @spicycal @mysticalhood @thesubtweeter @wastedheartcth @atlcalm @itjustkindahappenedreally

#calum hood blurb #calum hood smut #calum hood blurbs #calum smut #calum fluff #calum x reader #calum writing #calum hood writing #calum 5sos

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honeyedlashton · 4 years

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CALM Lyric Analysis Part 1: Red Desert

You guys apparently liked the idea so I’m not here to disappoint. I had way more to say about this than I thought I thought I did so, needless to say it’s long. I don’t know if the next ones will be this long, but yeah... I guess all I can recommend is for you to grab a cup of coffee, or tea, or water, or the blood of virgins, and let’s just break this opening track down. Here is “Red Desert”:

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Red, red desert, heal our blues,

I’d dive deeper for you

What a blessing to feel your love

Twilight moments with you

I’ve been asleep so long, I’m so far away,

The visions I see are strong, I hear what they say.

Won’t you leave all your fears at the edge of the world?

Tell you again like I told you before.

I’ve been asleep so long, wasting away.

Tell me would you pack up all your bags, stay true to north?

You’re the only one I’d do this for.

It doesn’t take too long, to heal and replace.

The demons we’re running from, they’re begging to stay.

Written by Ashton Irwin

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So this is the first lyric analysis of CALM. I figured I’d go in order, cause A) it’s less confusing, and B) 5sos put them in that order for a reason. So here we are. And here I am trying to figure out how to talk about this. The absolute first thing I realized is that this is an insanely difficult thing to begin writing about. But i guess this isn’t a thesis paper, so I shouldn’t really stress it. Alright let’s get into it, shall we?

When I first heard this song I thought: “ok so they took a love song and they made it West World,” (not really). But upon my first listen it didn’t seem lyrically rich to me because of the use of repetition. However, the more I looked into it, I recognized the deeper story. It is a story. It—like many of their songs—is symbolism for a relationship in a place in time where there are outward struggles.

Now this is obviously an established relationship, because talking about something such as putting your fears aside and going essentially to the end of the earth for someone means that you love and trust them completely. And in this, Ashton is saying that he has been “asleep” or distracted and distant from something he should have been focused on. He hasn’t been caring like he should, or like he used to. Maybe he had turned into a different person while he was in dormant mode, and basically living on auto pilot.

The “visions” he sees could basically be his call to action. His look into the past and future. The phantoms, the mirages, the oases he sees. Perhaps these visions are telling him that the commitments he’ll make in this relationship are the ones that will get him through the hot heat of his struggles. They could also be relating to the past. Having visions of the past and the future guiding him along as he travels.

“Won’t you leave all your fears at the edge of the world?” is a reference back to where the relationship started. Taking a chance and going forward together, leaving their reservations on the horizon behind them. But somehow in the midst he lost track and began “wasting away.” The the person he was before is no longer entirely who he is now. Part of him has decayed.

And then there’s the re-commitment of the pre-chorus. His visions come true. He’s asking his lover to be strong with him. They could search out their “true north”—finding a point to orient themselves in a spinning world—together so they can get back on the right path toward their destination: each other. They’re both looking for their norths together, because he believes that this relationship is the only one worth going forward with. The only one worth braving the great unknown for.

Not only that but worth going “deeper” to the heart of an issue. Because even if the day (or the issue itself) is hot and exhausting, it’s a blessing for the night to come and cool them down. Showing that when they’re away from the stresses of the day and can focus on their love, it’s worth it. (Also night being linked to love is a common duo on this album—and in every Ashton song ever—so remember that folks.)

In the second verse he opens it talking about restoring what he had lost when he was asleep. But the desert isn’t the one Ashton is saying heals him, it’s the fact that they mend each other. They “heal and replace” the parts of them that were “wasting away,” which is why they are parallels in the song.

The “Demons” he’s talking about have been referenced, many times throughout 5sos’s more recent songs. And they could be any number of things. They could be his own dark frame of mind, they could be actual people he “chooses” to hang out with, it could be a combination. Ashton has written many songs about himself as if he is a recovering demon/devil himself. And just like addiction, or a state of mind, or insistent people: they don’t want to be forgotten. They insert themselves and remind you they’re there. And no wonder he’s trying to run from it, imagine a constant onslaught of fears and insecurities following you no matter where you go.

As for the music, it is very percussion and rhythm heavy. Ashton really models the drums after “Meet You There,” and its very obvious. The music feels adventurous and melancholy. It has bluesy aspects to it, like the chorus specifically feels like a chant in a sorrowful blues song. I don’t know anything about music, except I do know a lot about tone, and the tone of this song is vast and scary and unsettling and adventurous. Not to mention the bridge has a tremendous buildup that makes me pay attention every single time I listen. It’s such a large sound you could almost drown in it.

It is a favorite of mine off the album, even from first listen. It’s so big and beautiful, I love it so much. The adventurous aesthetic is perfect, and it is the perfect way to starts album.

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So now that I’ve gone through the music and lyrics, its theory time. Now all of these are my opinions so take them with a grain of salt or don’t read them i could care less. I believe what I believe...

And I don’t believe this is some KayKay bullshit. Ashton is a fool if he thinks he can put this song that is about a very long lasting but suffering relationship on a playlist for a girl he’s been “on and off” with for a year. Fuck that. And fuck him for trying to sell that shit to us. in my eyes, this is so very clearly about Luke. It is about losing the end goal of a relationship, its about recommitting to being there for the one they love after a period of losing themselves. Ashton and Luke have been together since forever, and lots of the songs on this album indicate a tumultuous relationship with someone who has been there for a long time. and I don’t think neither Kay Kay nor Bryanna fit the bill. Also the first thing I could think of when I listened to the lyrics that said “Edge of the world,” my immediate thought went to that interview in 2018 Luke literally said that he’d “follow [Ashton] to the edge of the earth.”

Also I almost forgot to mention that most of Ashton’s recent songs--especially the ones cowritten with Luke--(Midnight, Better Man, If Walls Could Talk, ect...) have been about only being able to love someone at night. which doesn’t line up if he puts a song he wrote about a long drawn out struggle in a relationship that spans over two whole albums on a playlist for her... likely story. (There’s also a lot of songs on that playlist that are not for her and are for Luke, but that could be a whole other post.)

Anyway “Red Desert” is a Lashton song through and trough in my eyes. So Ashton can say what he wants, and can post this song on his “for Kay Kay” playlist, but he can never convince me that this shit isn’t about Luke.

#red desert #calm 5sos #calm #ashton irwin #afi #luke hemmings #lrh #michael clifford #mgc #calum hood #cth #red desert calm #lashton #lyric analysis #sorry if you like kaykay #literally just my opinions you dont have to read them

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tabloidtoc · 3 years

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Star, November 9

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Hollywood Personal Assistants Tell All

Page 1: Ellen DeGeneres’ funky new hairdo -- as her show suffers a dip in the ratings Ellen tries a sweeping new style

Page 2: Contents, Tom Cruise

Page 3: To honor Claudia Schiffer’s 50th she was gifted her own designer Barbie line, Kylie Jenner out in Beverly Hills with a mini purse, Chris Pine took his white Mercedes out for a spin

Page 4: Matthew McConaughey’s shocking revelations -- the happy-go-lucky star shares some dark experiences that shaped him in his dishy new memoir

Page 5: A week after Lily James was snapped kissing her married costar Dominic West in Rome she abruptly pulled out of a planned interview touting her project Rebecca and it was just the latest cancellation for her because she also ghosted on The Graham Norton Show and Today show appearances in the wake of the scandal -- Lily is pushing Dominic to leave his wife once the dust settles because she’s falling for him but she’s concerned about appearing like a homewrecker, on what would have been her son Benjamin Keogh’s 28th birthday Lisa Marie Presley took to Instagram to pay tribute to him, fans were shocked when Ant Anstead and Christina Anstead announced their split just a year after welcoming their son together and now Ant has revealed he enrolled in a breakup recovery program to deal with his own pain

Page 6: Two decades after he rose to heartthrob fame as Brad Taylor on Home Improvement Zachery Ty Bryan is facing some serious charges after police were called to his apartment in Eugene in Oregon after he allegedly assaulted his girlfriend; the incident comes just weeks after the dad of four posted on social media that he and his wife of 14 years were divorcing, Lizzo has bristled at being linked with the idea of body positivity and instead would rather be considered body normative giving a shout-out to the girls who are in the 18-plus club but after reaching 300-plus pounds she was persuaded to adopt a vegan diet for the good of her health but that doesn’t mean she has to like it and exercise is going no better, Star Spots the Stars -- Olivia Wilde, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Miley Cyrus, Kelly Ripa, Lana Condor, Nico Tortorella, Charlotte McKinney

Page 8: Star Shots -- Sarah Jessica Parker’s wardrobe malfunction during a photo shoot, Katie Holmes and Emilio Vitolo Jr. jumped on Citibank rental bikes for a tour of NYC, Heidi and Spencer Pratt at a local pumpkin patch with their son Gunner

Page 9: Rachel Brosnahan raised her glass ahead of AFI Fest’s special presentation of her new thriller I’m Your Woman, Giada De Laurentiis

Page 12: Following a ride on the subway Jaimie Alexander welcomed the fresh air as she strolled through NYC

Page 13: Diane Von Furstenberg flashed the victory sign on a visit to her store in NYC, Kristen Taekman’s Halloween candy bag spilled, Molly Shannon pedaling her beloved blue bike, Larry David

Page 14: Alessandra Ambrosio playing beach volleyball, despite being accused of defying Covid-19 regulations on set Dua Lipa had a laugh shooting a new music video in East London, John Waters at the 15th Rome Film Fest

Page 15: Wiz Khalifa and girlfriend Aimee Aguilar walking their dog Prada in L.A., Kelly Clarkson brought her dog Henry to the beach in Santa Barbara

Page 16: Angela Bassett at AFI Fest’s drive-in screening of One Night in Miami, Michael Strahan, Vince Gill stopped by Phil Vasaar’s home in Nashville for Songs From the Cellar

Page 17: Too Hot to Handle’s Francesca Farago and model Corin Jamie Lee Clark and a friend stepped out with a dog for a lunch date in West Hollywood, pregnant Kelly Rowland out in Brentwood

Page 18: Normal or Not? Simon Cowell rehydrated during a sunny day in Los Angeles -- normal, Irina Shayk picked up her daughter Lea from school in NYC -- normal

Page 19: Emma Slater of Dancing with the Stars used her teeth as a cup holder during a bike cruise -- not normal

Page 20: Fashion -- stars stun in cape dresses -- Cate Blanchett, Camila Mendes, Daisy Ridley

Page 21: Tracee Ellis Ross, Zoey Deutch

Page 24: During the 16th season premiere of The Bachelorette Clare Crawley boldly announced she has met her future husband just moments after meeting Dale Moss and now they’re engaged but the two have to wait for their love story to unfold on camera so they can finally step out together in public

Page 25: Zooey Deschanel and Jonathan Scott are engaged -- Jonathan held off proposing until Zooey’s divorce from Jacob Pechenik was finalized and now the pair are not only planning their trip down the aisle but they’re also designing their dream home and they’re talking about settling down in Las Vegas, for the first time since their initial date in January Reba McEntire and Rex Linn are back together again and their smiles say it all in a picture of the two catching up in Montana -- the reunion gave them the perfect opportunity to make up for lost time and plan their future which includes moving in together in a place in Malibu by the beach, Courteney Cox raised eyebrows when she admitted she and Johnny McDaid haven’t seen each other since March and though Court put on a brave face the pair have struggled to maintain their seven-year romance amid the global lockdown and she sometimes feels ghosted -- they talk every day and do Zoom dates but it’s excruciating that they’re stuck on separate continents

Page 26: Cover Story -- Personal Assistants Tell All -- employees reveal what their A-list bosses are really like behind closed doors -- Kelly Clarkson wine dials, Lady Gaga refuses to doze alone

Page 27: Madonna put staff on diets, George Clooney hands out cash, Jennifer Aniston’s diva demands

Page 28: Renee Zellweger sneaks junk food, Selena Gomez is a secret slob, Justin Bieber is the neighbor from hell

Page 29: Mila Kunis keeps nannies away from Ashton Kutcher, blind items -- assistants spill on some unmentionable subjects

Page 30: Kim Kardashian’s 40th freak-out -- she should be on top of the world but with her show cancelled and her marriage hanging by a thread Kim is a little shook as she enters her fifth decade

Page 32: Secrets of The Crown -- the royal blockbuster welcomes a doomed princess for its fourth season

Page 34: Little Ones Living Large -- kids reap the rewards when mommy and daddy are raking in the big bucks -- Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott’s daughter Stormi’s pricey pack, Beyonce and Jay-Z’s daughter Blue’s splashy tub

Page 35: Cardi B and Offset’s daughter Kulture’s smooth ride, Sandra Bullock’s son Louis’ fine art, Khloe Kardashian’s daughter True’s flashy fleet

Page 36: Kim Kardashian’s daughter North’s novelty gift, Jennifer Lopez’s daughter Emme’s career boost

Page 37: The Jolie-Pitt’s wheelie cool yard, DJ Khalad’s kids Asahd and Aalam are tiny jet-setters, Mariah Carey’s twins Moroccan and Monroe are party kids

Page 42: Entertainment

Page 48: Parting Shot -- Drew Barrymore celebrating the launch of her Flower Beauty makeup line at CVS

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maddie-grove · 4 years

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Little Book Review: Harbor Me

Author: Jacqueline Woodson.

Publication Date: 2018.

Genre: Contemporary YA.

Premise: Six fifth-graders with learning difficulties at a Brooklyn elementary school are instructed by their teacher to talk with each other about their feelings and experiences once a week. Haley, our main girl, is reluctant to talk about her widowed father, who is in prison and about to be released, and her uncle, who raised her but plans to move out after her father’s return. However, she volunteers to be the “memory keeper” for her best friend Holly (the “rich girl”), her crush Amari (who is afraid of police brutality), Esteban (whose father has been taken away by ICE), Tiago (whose family deals with xenophobia), and Ashton (the one white kid, who is poor).

Thoughts: Jacqueline Woodson’s writing is as fluid and lyrical as ever, and she deals with the book’s heavy themes with incredible empathy and nuance. The glimpses that we see of each kid’s home life--Haley’s bond with Holly’s mother, Esteban’s father’s open affection and selflessness towards his children, Amari’s father’s efforts to protect him from a racist society without scaring him too badly, Tiago’s admiration for his absolutely lovely-sounding mom--are full of beauty and love that provide some much-needed hope. There is really not much negative that I can say about the content of this book. It’s a lovely, highly readable story with a great message about caring for and trying to understand others, and I think it’s a good choice for assigned reading for late elementary/early middle school.

Yet I do think it suffers a little from its own efficiency. I’m surprised at my own reaction; one thing I admire about middle-grade/YA fiction is how often it tells interesting, multi-faceted stories while using concise language and/or relatively simple plots. (There’s nothing wrong with complicated language and plots in any kind of fiction, but sometimes they strike me as a sign that the author isn’t confident about the bones of the story.) But, here, I felt that the kids (reticent Haley aside) were too quick to deliver extremely on-point, eloquent monologues about a single issue each of them were facing. They would’ve felt like more fully individualized, fleshed-out characters if there’d been more dialogue, more fumbling, more venting about smaller issues in addition to (NOT instead of) bigger ones. I really liked the moments where the kids did go a little off-topic; Tiago is also upset about the recent death of a beloved elderly dog, and Ashton jumps around between subjects a bit.

I also felt like there were some missed opportunities. For example, the kids very rarely talk about having learning difficulties or being looked down upon for struggling with them (an issue that Haley mentions briefly near the beginning of the book). Some reviews I saw mentioned that Woodson said she chose not to focus on the learning difficulties, because some students who struggle with learning may not appear to need any help. (This is apparently from some bonus materials in the back of the book that I didn’t read before returning the book on Libby, because I assumed it was a standard reader’s guide.) There are students like this, of course, but clearly these kids seemed like they needed help to someone if they’re being grouped together in a classroom. The depiction of Haley’s dad’s incarceration is also unexpectedly apolitical. It’s a tragedy for the family, but I’m not sure whether the audience is supposed to disapprove of the fact that he was sent to prison for so long.

Hot Goodreads Take: There’s some “damn SJW’s” nonsense that’s not worth repeating, but I am fascinated by the three-star reviewer who seemed to like the “challenging issues” discussed in the story and the fact that it was about “[a] group of kids from all sorts of backgrounds,” yet accused Woodson of being “a pawn in the liberal propoganda movement.” Buddy, what did you ever like about this book?

#little book review #harbor me #jacqueline woodson

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c8opotato-blog · 7 years

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// MIDNIGHT \\ something i wrote a while ago

just a little author’s note:

i wrote this at a hard time in my life a while ago so that explains the lack of fluency and style in this piece of work. and yes it is an ashton irwin fanfic but it wasn’t intentionally an ashton fanfic at first i pictures luke hemmings as ash but now i picture rami malek as “my night in shining armor”. another little note, this story doesnt have a happy ending however i have created many versions of this storyline with many alternate endings and the only one i could find on this device was my least favorite, sappy, predictable and happy ending. also, i don’t aim to write happy endings i only deliver what people with to read and the reason to that is because life has no happy endings. maybe that’s just my perception and outlook on life, but that’s the way i like to portray it. and lastly, if you do wish to repost this or add on to this story or anything like that, please give credit as this is my story. the characters and the aftermath of this ‘story’ is fictional and over exaggerated, the initial plot is non-fictional.

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// Midnight \

Many people ask, “What would you do if was your last day?” There’s an infinite number of things you could say, see your loved ones, tell that special someone that you love them. But you would probably won’t ever get to do that one thing you desperately want to do before you die, you’ll never know when it will truly be your last day.

Kayleigh Morgan has suffered with a long term battle of depression and anxiety ever since her world crumbled, right in front of her. It was that day she that she had decided to give up the battle, and stop fighting, when she encountered someone who she’d seen around, but never spoken to, who could change her life for good this time…

“You’re afraid to live, yet you’re afraid to die.”

*Kayleigh’s POV*

Darkness all around me, except from the slight glow of the street lights. Pressed against my back, the bitter chill of the rusted railing. A few modernistic cars whizzing past every now and then, but other than that, I am completely alone in this world of noise. Below my feet, the battered broken down ledge. And below that, an one hundred foot drop into the current peaceful and still water. “Isn’t anyone trying to find me? Won’t somebody just please, take me home?” I think to myself, worriedly. There’s no backing down now, I left the note, they no longer think that I’m alive. Just focus on the water, focus on the water. I focus on the calm, flowing river, contemplating when or if I jump. If I don’t, I could live somewhere, alone, all by myself, where no one would know me. But they would find me, I just can’t risk it!

I take a long slow, deep breath, and cautiously step forward, closer to the drop of death and darkness. This is it. This is need end. Suddenly, I feel something pressed against my back, and something strongly wrapped around my waist. My breathing hitches at the sudden, surprise contact. I start to panic, I cry, I thrash my arms around, trying to step forward, closer to the edge, but the thing wrapped around my waist, pulls me into its giant frame. “Don’t. Don’t do it. I feel the same way about myself, but I can’t let someone as talented and as beautiful as you do this.” The thing whispers into my ear. The thing had a deep and raspy voice, and I could feel their hot, tickling breath caress my neck. “Why don’t we step back, behind the railing where it’s safe? What do you say?” I nod my head vigorously, the tears from my eyes, flying away from my face into the empty darkness. Their hand’s still around my waist, as they guide me over, the railing, back to where it was safe, and away from the terrible fate I could have had. I turn around slowly, and carefully, ready to see who had just saved me from myself. He had dark, voluminous hair, with colourful vibrant highlights. He wore tight, ripped black jeans, which were frayed amongst the seams. He didn’t have a jacket on, so his sun kissed, tattooed, bare arms were on show. He looked familiar, live I had seen him before. But then it hit me. The person who saved me from killing myself, was Ashton Irwin, the biggest, punk asshole of the entire school. Why would he do that? “Thanks…” I mumble, avoiding all eye contact. I shift all of my weight onto my left foot. A few tears still sliding down my icy, raw face.

“You should be at home, not out here, you’ll catch your death… wait! I-I didn’t mean…” “No, no it’s fine… I don’t really have a home to go to anymore… Any way, why are you out here then?” I finally have the confidence to look him in the eyes. I am mesmerised by them. Even in this light, you could see the warm toned gold, in his green eyes, they were just outstandingly beautiful. “I was taking a walk, before I left.” “Left to go where?” “Algoe, New York.” “Isn’t that like nineteen hours away?” “Yeah. I wanted to leave this deadbeat town, and go somewhere, where nobody knew me.” “Are you still going?” “Only if you’re okay…” I had only met this guy five minutes ago, yet I feel like I have known him for years. It feels to me like we have an unmistakable connection, as cheesy as it might sound. But it’s true. “Can I come with you?” I ask him with the most pleading eyes. He looks down at me, into my eyes, to see if I truly want to do this, and I do. “If you’re sure about it.” He tells me with a warm, attractive smile. “Definitely.”

If anybody had just watched this whole thing just happen, they’d be thinking: “This girl is such an idiot. This guy is known as the most biggest asshole of the whole school, and she is running away to a place, very far from home with him.” But that’s the thing. He doesn’t seem like this asshole, everyone makes him out to be.

Everyone said that he doesn’t care about anyone else apart from himself. But he just saved me from killing myself. If what they said wasn’t true, then the rest of it might not be true. I’m willing to see what he’s really like, underneath his stereotype of a punk asshole.

His car wasn’t small, but it wasn’t overly big either. It was just right. It was nice and cosy, with a warm scented aroma. It was sort of like a home, there were blankets and a few pillows scattered amongst the back seats, and various different types of chargers and adapters lying around the car. “It’s not much I guess… but it’ll do.” He shrugs while looking behind him, at the back seats of the car, with a smug look on his face. “W-Were you going to live here?” I ask him, a bit cluelessly. He chuckles at my confusion, and turns back around, looking ahead and buckles his seat belt. “No, no, I have money for motels and stuff. I’ve been saving up for years! I’ve always wanted to leave here ya know?” “Really? So did I, well I guess you already knew that…” I look down at my lap, and then I remember. I too, had saved up all of my money for a long time, I’m not sure why, I just did. Of course I didn’t leave it at home when I tried to jump, I kept it with me so none of my greedy family could take it.

I reach into my bra and pull out hundreds of pounds all rolled up, and held together by an elastic band. “Woah! Kayleigh! Did you know that you were going to meet me and that we were going to run away or something?” He chuckles, looking at me in a loving way. I don’t think he’s ever really looked at anyone like that before. Perhaps I was the first?

No, Kayleigh, No.

Walls. You built walls for a reason. You can’t fall for him. He’s your last chance. “It’s complicated I guess.” I shrug him off, starting to count the money. A couple days prior to tonight, I exchanged all of the money I had, and could find, into $100 bills. 100, 100, 100… £4700. I didn’t even realise that I had that much money. Perhaps it’ll be enough to get a place for a while. Something cheap, but secluded. “I don’t wanna be a burden or anything Ashton-” I start, gesturing for him to take my money, but he cuts me off. ”No, no Kay, we’re going to get through this together! Today was just a horrible, terrible day for you, and I’m going to help you to get better… and I hope you’ll do the same for me…” He whispered the last part, it was barely audible, but I still heard him.

Hours later, we both began to become tired, and delirious. “Hey Ash, we should stop somewhere, we could both do with some rest, and some food.” The mention of food made my stomach ache, realising that I probably haven’t eaten in over ten hours. “Yeah, we’re driving into a city now, I think, hopefully there will be a hotel which isn’t dodgy looking.” He chuckles, as I remember all of the dodgy looking hotels we had passed on our way here.

Five minutes later, we finally find a nice looking hotel, we pull up into the car park, and get out of Ashton’s cosy car. We walk to the main entrance, and up to the front desk. “Hello, good evening. Room for two?” The middle aged woman asks us, looking both of us up and down, and then smiling, looking back at our faces.

Ashton and I exchange looks with each other, not knowing what to say. “It’ll save money…” I mumble to Ashton quietly, hoping he heard. “Yes please, thank you.” He tells the lady with a sweet, attractive smile.

The woman bends down, most likely to find us a key, a few seconds later, coming back up, and handing us two key cards and a few leaflets and brochures. “Your key cards, and a few leaflets about the hotel facilities, and what you can do here in Charleston.” Wait what? “Charleston? As in Charleston in South Carolina?” I ask her not a hundred percent believing what I’m hearing. “The very same.” “Oh… okay, thanks…” We turn to the direction of the elevators, ready to sleep into the early hours of the afternoon, when the lady calls after us. “Wait, so if you’re not around from here, then where are you from?” “Jacksonville, Florida.”

Ashton opens the door slowly, trying to give the dramatic effect, like in the movies. But as soon as he closed the door behind us, we were in pitch black darkness.

We stumble around for a few seconds, trying to find a light switch. “Well that didn’t go as planned.” He says as he flicks the switch.

I look around. The room is a fairly good size, a bit on the smaller side but it’ll be alright. There’s a bed in the centre of the room, it was complete with white, crispy creaseless sheets and a fluffy purple blanket, and cushions to match. There were little lamps fixed to the white walls, which were the only given light source. “Cosy.” I comment, looking around the room one last time, then looking up at Ashton, giving him a little smile. “Yeah. So… the bed situation… I’ll sleep on the floor, I’ll use the spare blanket and pillows-” “No, no, you don’t have to. We could sleep together, I guess… Wait no, not in that way, I meant-” Ashton cut me off, with a giggle. “I know what you meant, and I’d be happy to.” I chuckle as well, walking over to the bed. Then I remembered, I don’t have any clothes with me. “Fuck,” I curse under my breath, “I don’t have any clothes…” “Don’t worry, you could wear one of my shirts.” He offers, bringing the black faux leather bag, which I didn’t know that he had, up onto the bed. He unzips the bag which revealed two weeks worth of clothes, which were mostly of the dark kind, the ones you’d get from Hot Topic, band tees and such.

He hands me black fine knit sweater, and some black joggers. “Thanks.” I tell him sincerely, not just for the clothes, for everything.

* * *

She wakes up in the middle of the night, and tries not to wake up Ashton. She untangles herself from him, and puts back on her clothes from a few hours ago. She closes the door behind her, after turning the light off, trying not to think about anything other than what she’s about to do.

Walking along the bridge, once more stepping over the railing, and looking down at the darkness before her. *** Ashton wakes up, to find nothing but coldness and empty space beside him. Except a folded up piece of the hotel monogram paper. He picks up the paper, and unfolds it. “Ashton, I’m sorry…

I guess I fell for you…

But you just can’t help someone like me…” *** Kayleigh hears footsteps behind her once again, like a few hours before. But they stop a few metres behind her. “Kayleigh please don't… I fell for you too-” But it was too late.

*Kayleigh’s POV*

Someone’s poking my side. I hear whimpering mumbles a few inches away from me. I slowly open my eyes, and turn my head to my right.

I see Ashton, throwing his tattooed arms about in the air, thrashing around. He’s half shouting something, but I can’t really make out what he’s saying. “K-Kay…! N-Nooooo!” I think he’s dreaming about me… does this mean he cares?

I turn on my side, and put my hand on Ashton’s sweaty, sticky, inked torso, and start shake him slightly, trying to wake him up. “Hey… Ash… I’m here, wake up! Please…” All of a sudden, he gasps and sits up straight, almost knocking me back down onto the bed. “Kayleigh!” He exclaims, engulfing me into a huge, sticky hug. His tattooed, toned arms wrapped tightly, around my small frame. It was like he didn’t want to let go. “Thank God…” he mumbles into the crook of my neck. “Do you wanna talk about it?” I ask him, curiosity taking control of my voice. I lift my head up, from his shoulder, looking up at his pale, worried, almost distraught facial expression. “I would… but I-” He starts off but stops mid sentence. He looks up at my concerned face, and brings one of his abnormally large hands up to my cheek. He carefully rests his forehead against mine, and looks into my eyes. “Kay… I can call you that right?” “Yeah.” I whisper, nodding my head slightly. “I had seen you around school and stuff, before tonight… you intrigued me, you could say…” “What are you trying to say?” I quietly giggle, bringing my hands closer to him. “I’m trying to say that… I’ve always wanted to talk to you, get to know you, before tonight, I just never had the guts… I thought you were gorgeous, stunningly beautiful, you were someone way out of my league but not in a stuck up, obnoxious way… I’m sorry… I’m rambling…” He looks down, trying not to show his blushing cheeks. “No, no carry on.” I urge him on, kindly. “I-uh… I could that you were different, a good kind of different, and I loved that about you… in a sense I’m kinda happy that I met you tonight… and I hope you know that’d I’d never let you go…” “Hmmm” I close my eyes, enjoying the sound of Ashton’s raspy voice, it was so soothing, like music to my ears. “I don’t know if it’s too soon or not, I don’t want to overwhelm you… but I like you, you know?” “I guess I like you too, even if it has only been like eight hours since we first started speaking… it feels like we’ve been speaking for years, cliché, I know…” He chuckles as he brings his other giant hand up to my other cheek, and holds my face in his hands. He gives me a huge smile, and looks into my eyes. “I don’t want to start something so soon, it’s not that I don’t, it’s just, it’s just that I don’t want to rush things… you seem like the only person I can trust… I uh-I-uh” “Don’t worry about it… we’ll take things slow okay? Let’s not start straight away… we could ease into things, to make us both more comfortable?” Ashton gives me another big smile. “I’d like that.” * * * Ashton wanted to take things slow with Kayleigh, but not just for her. For himself as well. He was similar to Kayleigh in a way. He had felt the same as she did that night. That’s why he wanted to leave. He wanted to be away from everyone who made him feel like nothing. But then he saw her about to do the thing he thought of doing. He had to stop her. And he did. But why couldn’t he do the same to himself, as he did to her? He saved her from herself. But could she save him from himself?

| Four Months Later |

“Come on Ash, please, for me?” I plead, he looks up at me, his eyes devoid of enthusiasm, they were different from the way they were months ago. He’s been in bed for the past week, only ever leaving to go to the toilet. He looks paler, and skinner then he did four months ago when we left Jacksonville.

He groans, closing his eyes, and shifting a little. “Please, baby… get out of bed, don’t let it be like this…” I beg again, for the fourth time today, it was half three in the afternoon, and he hasn’t even gotten out of bed to go to the toilet. I’m close to tears, I’ve never seen someone just like this before, it was frightening. I’ve tried to help so much, but he just blocks me out.

I settle down on the bed, by his head. I lean back into the pillows we had set up a couple of months ago, when we first moved into our apartment. “Talk to me, please, I hate not hearing your voice… I miss it, I miss you.” I fiddle with the curled ends of his hair while speaking, after finishing, he looks up with sorry eyes. “I-I’m sorry…” He apologises, tears prickling in his sorrowful eyes. “No, no, no. I didn’t mean- it’s not your fault, it’s just that I miss talking, the way we used to…” Salty tears were freely flowing down both of our faces at this point. “So do I… but I don’t mean to be like this-” “No one does baby, no one asks for this… we were born with it…” I mumbled the last part, but it was true.

He looks down at his hands, obviously embarrassed. “Baby, like you said to me four months ago, we all have bad days, some worse than others, but we have to power through it. Together. Ashton, when I agreed with you, I meant it. Not for you to only help me, for me to help you as well. I-I love you…” It wasn’t too soon was it? We’ve been living together for four months, but only having a romantic relationship for two. But it felt right saying those words.

And I hope he reciprocates the feelings I have towards him.

| two and a half (roughly) years later |

“And I knew from that day we first spoke, it was something special. It wasn’t the ideal way to start a relationship, but something was there, and you couldn’t ignore it. We were two very similar people that night, so we knew what each other was feeling. I helped you that night, and weeks after, and you helped me without a second thought. You are and were everything I could ever wish for, and nothing could change that. I love everything about you. Your hair, your eyes, the way you laugh and the way you smile. To me you are perfect, and I hope you know that.

So, I take you to be my best friend, my faithful partner, and my one true love. I promise to encourage you and inspire you and to love you truly through good times and bad. I will forever be there to laugh with you, to you up when you are down and to love you unconditionally through all of our adventures in life together.

And I hope I’ve been doing most of that already, but I will honestly and truly, love and cherish you until the day I die.”

The feelings are requited, and hopefully always will be.

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