#ava never makes eye contact ever lol
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hiii i just wanted to say that your caduceus art means a lot to me - the way you draw and talk about him is so so wonderful! but also: your ocs are beautiful and it’s lovely to see how much you care about them! anyways, you’re a fantastic artist and i feel grateful to be able to witness and share in your art <3
didn't know how to say thank you in words but this is a really nice message and i appreciate it a lot so i drew a thank-you ava :'-)
[ID: a line drawing of a character named Ava who has long deer-like ears, long hair, and a star shape on her forehead. she's wearing a stripy top and smiling small without making eye contact, holding up her hands to make a heart shape with her fingers. end ID.]
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“You don’t remember anything, do you?” “No…? What are you talking about?” “Nothing. Nothing.”
Would you mind a melissa x reader? But like fluffy if you're feeling it? Or angst to fluff? Lol
Drunk Confessions
“Girl just do it. It’s better than sittin around here moping all the time.”
You groan bringing your head down to rest on the cool kitchen table. Being drunk didn’t happen too often for you, but when it did you always made sure you had friends around. Tonight, Ava was the one that brought over drinks and junk food to drown your sorrows in.
Melissa accepted a date with Gary the vending machine guy the day before and you weren’t handling it well at all. Having a crush, no, being in love with the woman but too afraid to say anything was the best yet excruciating experience of your life.
“You’re right. You’re right!” You lift your head hitting the table with your hand. “Where’s my-phone?” You ask through a hiccup.
Ava rolls her eyes pointing to the device right in front of you.
“Oh.” You giggle picking it up.
“This is gonna be messy,” Ava smiles sitting back with her frosted glass.
Blinking a couple times at the bright screen you tap away until you find Melissa’s contact, a silly picture of you two from the zoo field trip as her icon. Bringing the phone to your ear it rings and rings, eventually giving you a beep for the voicemail.
“Hey,Mel. It’s late I didn’t realize it.” You giggle. “I was sitting here drinking- I mean thinking and I wanted to say I’m happy for you. If you’re happy with vending machine guy that’s great and I’ll swallow my feelings for you. It’s gonna suck, but I’ll do it just because it’s you and I love you. I’m in love with you,” You sigh, “But if he ever hurts you, well I got a guy too. I’m word vomiting now. If this is weird we can pretend it never happened. Bye.”
You set the phone down bringing a hand over to cover your mouth. “I can’t believe i did that!” You laugh.
Ava looks at you shocked, mouth gaping. “Girl you did that.”
“I did that!” You laugh. Feeling giddy and excited, hours later you forget what you’ve done. After Ava gets an Uber home you clean up as best you can while drunk, passing out on the couch with a bag of pretzels.
The sound of banging on your apartment door shocks you awake, the sound making the throbbing in your head worse. “I’m coming I’m coming.” You groan grabbing your sunglasses on the way to the door. It was just too bright. Unlocking the heavy door you look up to see Melissa, completely confused.
“Hey, Mel. What’s up?”
“Don’t ‘Hey Mel’ me, y/n. What the hell is this?!” She barrels in holding her phone out.
“What’s going on?” You ask closing the door, confused until you see her screen. wanting to melt away into the air when you see the voicemail you drop your head slowly remembering what you did. “Shit.”
“You can’t tell me you’re in love with me just because you’re jealous or have some crush!” She tells you, moving her hands around like she always does.
“Mel, I was drunk. This doesn’t need to be a thing.” Shaking your head.
“That’s what you said in the message!” She lets out hitting play.
When you hear your own voice you cringe, it could be a lot worse, but it was still bad. Taking your sunglasses off you toss them on the kitchen counter bringing your fingers to the bridge of your nose, trying to process the message you’re hearing.
Melissa reaches out tipping your chin up to meet her eyes. When you do you could cry right there. She was so beautiful.
“You could at least look at me after admitting something like that in a voicemail of all things.” Her voice was so soft, a voice not many people got to hear from her especially at work.
“I’m sorry, Mel. Really I am.”
The redhead looks at you biting her lip, her hand gently moving to your cheek. “Ya know I wouldn’t have said yes to Gary if I knew you felt the same way.”
“Wait,” you shake your head, “felt the same way? Meaning you like me back?” You try to work it out taking the new information in.
Melissa smiles at you, a real, bright smile as she strokes your cheek. “Yeah dummy, I thought it was obvious.”
“No!” You laugh reaching out to pull her flush against you. “I thought all my pining was a lost cause after Gary asked you out.”
Giving you a soft smile Melissa wraps her arms around your neck, her fingers playing with your hair.
“He’s not you, hon.”
Looking into her eyes you see nothing but pure love and happiness.
“I’d kiss you but I really need to brush my teeth.”
Melissa laughs gently pulling away playfully swatting your butt.
“Go on, I’ll make you breakfast.”
#abbott elementary#lisa ann walter#wlw#melissa schemmenti x reader#melissa schemmenti imagine#Melissa Schemmenti
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Pairing: Melissa Schemmenti x Reader (fluff)
Word Count: 1,8k
Note (pls read): hey there! this is the first piece i’ve written after like three years of literally nothing. if this seems a little off and ooc it's because i suck lol, but i’ve been obsessed enough about melissa to try and write something again, even though it didn't come out as “melissa centered” as i first attempted to, pls be patient with me <:
I can't say no to you.
“Do we really have to go?” Melissa sighs for the hundredth time, clicking her earrings in place. “We could just stay in, watch a movie? I’ll even let you pick, and I won't complain about your poor choices.” She looks at you through the mirror, and though the offer is tempting, you don't cave.
“We promised Ava, baby. Besides, I’m sure it'll be fun!” You smile at her, your fingertips tapping your knees while you wait for her.
“I didn't promise anything, but whatever. I still don't know how I let you talk me into this.” She rolls her eyes, trying to act more annoyed than she is, but in reality she’ll do anything you’d ask her to.
_______
Two weeks ago, Ava walked into the teacher's room acting like she got the best idea in the whole world– and to you, she kinda did.
She got in contact with an animal shelter that has been going viral on TikTok and “offered” to make a few videos to incentive her followers to adopt puppies.
You knew that for Ava, this was just another way to become more popular and gain followers, but at the end it was still a good cause.
So when she asked if someone was interested in helping her out– “You’ll never get another chance like this in your lifetime,” where her exact words, you jumped excitedly to help.
Everyone was surprised to say the least, they all just expected Janine or Jacob to be the first ones to volunteer, but Ava was grateful you beat them to the punch. “Alright girl, that pretty face will get me lots of interactions. I’ll text you the details.” She winked at you before leaving the room.
The only person who was not thrilled about it was, of course, your girlfriend Melissa.
“Did you seriously agreed to help Ava out? Outside of class? For her own benefit only?” The redhead was still trying to understand what the hell just happened in front of her, Gregory being the first one to agree with her.
“What’s wrong with giving her a little help? Like you said, she's doing it mostly for herself, so I can be there to make sure the puppies can get a home instead of just Ava trying to look good around ‘em.” You shrug, not entirely lying.
Melissa scoffs, but ultimately decides it’ll be better to talk you out of this at home instead of surrounded by people who seemed equally excited about the puppies as well.
Back at home, she never, ever expected you to convince her to tag along as well.
_______
“What she doing here? I’m tryna get more followers, not cancelled!” Ava huffs, her hand resting on her waist as she glances at both of you.
“Ava don't be mean! Mel is here to help to the cause as well.” You defend her, though you're 100% sure she doesn't really need it.
“Trust me, I’m not interested in being seen in your stupid little videos anyway.” Melissa bites back.
“Your loss.” Ava shrugs, not really bothered. Finally, she walks you both to meet the head of the shelter before she goes to finish her whole set up of lights and everything.
You introduce yourself but, soon enough, your attention is taken away by the loud barking of puppies.
“Oh, Mel! Look at them!” You cry out, quickly kneeling by the dog playpen fence. The puppies are excitedly trying to get out to you, and you lean over to try and pet them all.
Without noticing, your elbow knocks against the lock and suddenly the small door is open, and the eight puppies you counted were running out of the fence and knocking you down. You couldn't stop laughing as they walked over you and licked your face, while the woman who introduced herself as Mabel tried to get them off you and into their place again.
You didn’t notice Ava taking a video of you, let alone Melissa sneaking her phone for a quick photo.
Mabel gets most of the puppies in, and you grab the last one while attempting to get off the floor. “Oh look at how cute you are!” You smile brightly like a child on Christmas, holding the dog close to you.
You glance at Melissa, whose smile can't be erased as she looks at you being the most beautiful human she's ever seen.
“That video is gold for my page.” Ava chuckles at the phone, and you look at her horrified.
“You were recording me?!”
“Why else did you think you were here?”
“Ava I must look awful–”
“–You looked cute.” Melissa interferes before you can finish your thought. She knows you can get a little insecure and anxious sometimes, always preferring to be prepared when someone is about to take your picture, but before you can go there she makes sure you know how perfect you are. “No one's gonna be looking at these damn dogs when you look like that, hon.”
Your cheeks instantly heat, hiding your smile against the dog’s soft furr before you put it down with the rest. “That’s not the idea. At all.”
A couple of hours later, when Ava was satisfied with all of the material she got and the puppies seemed way more exhausted, it was time to call it a day.
You helped Ava get cute shots of the puppies by playing around with them, and recorded her when she attempted the same. Somehow, you even got Melissa to pet one of them and you were sure Ava was going to use that in her favor.
Overall, it was a great day and you were sure the videos would help the shelter as well. You just wished you could take them all home and give them the love they deserved. If not all, perhaps just one?
“Oh I’m going to miss you buddy.” That little puppy you had held for a minute at first, didn't stop following you around, whining to get all your love and attention, and you couldn't say no to that golden golden furr and soft paws. This is what heaven looked like for you.
You glance up at your girlfriend, smiling softly at her with the puppy next to your face. “Isn't it the cutest thing you've ever seen?” You ask softly, not willing to let go just yet. Melissa raises her eyebrow and looks reclutantly at the can.
“Far from it, honestly.” You roll your eyes.
“C’mon, look at those cute ears, and that little nose! It's perfect.” You nuzzle your face against it, walking closer to Melissa and holding it at eyes level expectantly.
“If I say yes will you just put it down so we can leave? I’m already done with this shit show.” She crosses her arms, trying to look as unbothered as possible. But you are relentless, not ready to give up just yet even though you know what the outcome might be.
“Five more minutes, please baby? Just pet it a little, it deserves love as well.” You pout, knowing the redhead won't be able to resist for too long.
“Okay fine, but just once Y/N!” Melissa sighs, extending her arm to pet the puppy. Right on cue, the dog barks happily, making Melissa jump a little. Before it keeps barking louder, she carefully takes it in her arms to quiet it down and it surprisingly works, the dog starting to lick all over the redhead’s face instead. “That's enough. I guess it’s fine, done?”
You can tell Melissa is trying not to enjoy this, but the small puppy is really adorable and so excited to be passed around you two. You really want to ask the question, but you're not sure you’ll cope with Melissa's answer.
So, instead of asking, you hold the puppy in your arms and, like he knew what was going on, both of you look at your girlfriend with the biggest, brightest eyes you could muster.
“What? Why you looking at me like that?” Melissa squints, and Ava laughs behind her.
“Are you blind? The girl is dying to take that thing home.”
“Y/N, are you crazy? What are we even going to do with a dog? All they do is bark and shit all over the place, and do you know how expensive it'll be? You need food, and toys, and a leash, a bed that they’ll outgrown soon! Who will take him to walks so he doesn't shit all over our apartment when we're not there, huh?”
Maybe you don't have everything figured out just yet, but you will!
“Him?” You raise your eyebrows.
“His balls are right there, but that's besides the point! Did you hear everything I just said?”
“I did, baby. I hear you.” You say softly. The puppy– which is obviously a male, starts whining and lays his head against you, looking up at Melissa with big brown eyes. You take the opportunity and do the exact same thing, both of you staring into her beautiful green ones.
You didn't think she would crack so soon, so easily. But you guess she had been picking up on your energy the whole day, and how happy you were when you first landed eyes on the puppies. At the end of the day, she knew she couldn't deny you anything. The smile on your face was worth more than talking you out of the whole thing.
“I swear to God, if that thing ruins my couch, pees on my carpet, gets on my bed– he's out.” Melissa grumbles, though you know there's no real treat behind it, or at least you hope.
“First of all, it's our bed. And second, the couch is already wrapped in plastic baby, nothing will happen. I’ll make sure, promise.” You peck your girlfriend's lips softly, your smile growing against her. “Thank you baby, Rocco and I love you.”
“Rocco? You named it already?” She can't believe she's agreed to this, and she knows she can't back out, but that doesn't mean she won't fight against the dog a little; even if she secretly thinks he's cute, has thought so since you first held him.
“Of course, Rocco Schemmenti. It suits him, don't you think?” You smirk, knowing damn well you already have her.
“Shut up, he hasn't earned the right to be a Schemmenti yet.”
“And what about me?” Your free arm sneaks around Melissa’s neck, little Rocco laying between you two as the redhead’s hands rest on your waist.
“Oh hon, you were born to be a Schemmenti, trust me.” She finally gifts you one of her beautiful smiles, green eyes closing as you lean over to kiss her, laughing when Rocco starts licking both your cheeks. “Let’s take this thing home so I can show you properly.”
#melissa schemmenti x reader#melissa schemmenti x you#melissa schemmenti#ava coleman#abbott elementary#lisa ann walter#wlw concepts#queer fiction#i love women#and im obsessed with melissa
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Alright, your turn! If YOUR OCs starred in a movie, who would you pick to play them?
(I know you have a ton of OCs, feel free to just do the ones you can come up with a good answer for - I struggled to pick people for this and I have like half the OCs you do lol)
Alright so some of these people aren't actors or anything but they're definitely who I imagine the characters looking like-
Siv: Romy Flores, 100%. She's got the face, the nose, the "don't give a fuck" attitude. All she'd really need is gray contact lenses and either a haircut or a short wig.
Hailey: Lynk Lee isn't 100% perfect for Hailey, since Hailey has a more stocky, muscular build, but in the hypothetical movie, if she were to do some weight training, she could definitely do Hailey justice. Also, she'd need green/blue contacts for Hailey's post-death heterochromatic eyes.
Jay: Cameron Russo is the closest I can get to how I imagine Jay looking, though I would hypothetically want to cast someone who was both transmasc and physically disabled, since Jay is both.
Cassandra: Donye Taylor is absolutely perfect for Cassandra- though if she were to play the role, I'd prefer her hair in braids or natural curls.
Arya: Cayley Spivey, 100%! This, but with elf ears and a shaggy mullet! (fun fact: Spivey was the fancast for Siv's original design)
Esme: Ava Max is my current fancast for her. She's got the bleach blonde hair, the "party girl" vibe and the angular yet cutesy face.
Gina: Lorna Baez would make a pretty good Gina, imo, though she's a little older than the actual Gina was when she died, what movie doesn't have a 20-something playing a teen?
Ember: Marina Summers, a queen who starred in S1 of Drag Race Philippines, is absolutely perfect for Ember!
Cat: Even though she doesn't necessarily look entirely like Cat, I've never been able to imagine anyone but Anna Cathcart as her. I think its just the vibes lol.
Kyle: This random-ass hockey player from Minnesota, Ryan Johnson, has been my faceclaim for Kyle since I first created the character.
Max: Heng Sokvisal makes a pretty good Max, just slap on a pair of glasses and we're good to go!
Khalil: Shameik Moore makes the perfect Khalil imo. No comments, just vibes. (though since Khalil works as a makeup artist I'd definitely give him some gold eyeliner or something)
Reggie: Winnie Harlow's pretty much perfect for Reggie, though she'd need blue contacts because Reggie has xer dad's eyes.
Ameerah: Amandla Stenberg makes an absolutely amazing Ameerah, I'd definitely want her to have the light blonde hair like in the picture, and she'd need pink contacts to match Ameerah's description.
Rania: Denise Bidot, 10000000%. She's been my faceclaim for her for like, FOREVER.
Director Hawke: Julianne Moore, specifically in her "President Coin" look. Director Hawke was loosely based on President Coin, so I've always imagined her looking somewhat like her.
Meredith: Rachel Zegler, but with glasses and lighter brown hair.
Onnie: Same as Siv lol it's her multiversal variant
Jessi: Same as Esme, multiversal variant
Pippa: Veondre Mitchell is the perfect Pippa! She was actually the one who I initially based Pippa's appearance off of.
Hyun-Ki: Park Sung-Hoon is a pretty good Hyun-Ki. From his dramatic looks to his honestly kinda gorgeous voice. I don't doubt he'd make a great Hyun-Ki
Thalia: Teyonah Parris is Thalia, there's no doubt about it. Ever since I watched Wandavision and saw her as Monica Rambeau, I knew that she'd be perfect to play Thalia in her hypothetical movie.
Reyna: K-Pop soloist AleXa is a pretty good fancast for her, though she'd need some pretty good SFX makeup or CGI due to Reyna being a near-human felid species.
Athena: Alaqua Cox (AKA Echo from Hawkeye) is how I imagine Athena looks, but with a white streak in the front of her hair (and a lot more seductive of an aesthetic)
Laila: Youtuber Beth Crowley is my faceclaim for Laila, though as Laila I'd want her to either don a short bob or a short wig, and amber contacts.
Marie: Haruna Ono is a great faceclaim for Marie, though she'd need SFX makeup for Marie's Romulan features and her Borg implants.
Qiara: Due to Qiara's nature as a being of pure energy, she doesn't necessarily take the same form at all times. However, the one she frequents the most could very well be portrayed by Chiquis Rivera.
Liah: Raquel Rodriguez would make a great Liah, she has the right height and build for her, she would just need SFX makeup for Liah's Cardassian features, and hazel contacts.
Samira: Desiree Akhavan would make a pretty good Samira. She definitely fits how I imagine Samira to look, and she's got the right vibe to play her as well.
Sohelia: Golshifteh Farahani is a pretty good faceclaim for Sohelia, though she'd need some light makeup to make her skin more ashy, due to Sohelia being half-vampire.
Vanessa: Skater Erin Jackson is absolutely perfect for Vanessa, though for most of the movie she'd be replaced with either a puppet or CGI double for her monster form.
Dolores: Diane Guerrero is perfect for Dolores. She'd just need some minor makeup in order to look more like a vampire, i.e. ashy skin, red eyes, fangs, etc.
I don't have faceclaims for Eric, Jacob, Antonio, Cory, Soraya, Aldrich, Matt, or Victorie yet.
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i still love you | zhong chenle
word count: 17, 367
genre: high school!au, basketball!player, angst, fluff, you are a bet au??? lol idk 8 letters!au
warnings: lots of angst, playing of emotions, mentions of panic attacks and sex.
authors note: im finally back!! with a chenle fic!! okay so,, i wanted to thank everyone who loved 8 letters, the reaction to that fic was better than anything i could’ve ever imagined, so thank you so much!! this is like a chenle version from the same universe. but most importantly: i decided to put songs in some scenes to enhance the experience while reading, you don’t have to but if you want to listen to the ‘soundtrack’ of this fic click the ‘🏀’!!!!! please enjoy!!
synopsis: high school can be complicated. thats why when your crush of three years, zhong chenle, approaches you out of nowhere offering to drive you home you are right to question his intentions.
🏀
You can hear the loud thumping of your heart in your ears as you watch the players dart across the court. The squeaking of their sneakers against the polished floor as they furrowed their eyebrows in concentration. Well… as he furrowed his eyebrows in anticipation, you wouldn’t know about the rest of the players on the court because your eyes were focused on one boy in particular. Number 22, Zhong Chenle. Your crush since sophomore year and soon to be captain of the basketball team (even if this is your personal opinion you’re 87% sure of it). The boy had caught your eye when he first smiled your way back in 10th grade and offered to help you with everything since you were new, leaving a stamp on your heart that would mark it as his own for the next years to come. Of course, you hardly ever spoke to him, too nervous and clumsy to even think of approaching someone so out of your league but there was something about his crinkly smile eyes and fluffy hair that got a hold of and never let go.
Which is why you find yourself seated at the school’s bleachers watching the basketball game like you did every week, hands clutching the sides of the bench as you watched Chenle get the orange ball passed to him, and the scene plays in slow motion.
Sweat drips off the tips of his newly dyed blond hair as he gains impulse with a jump, shooting a perfect three pointer and deeming the game of victory for his team. You proudly smile as you watch his teammates cause a ruckus around him, cheering and hitting him occasionally. However, your mood dampened as you watched Chenle escape the clutches of his team, running to the side benched where Ava, (the bitchiest girl in school but also his girlfriend), sat. He leans down to peck her lips, only to be stopped when she holds her hand up, pushing him away with a disgusting, “you’re sweaty!” He looks dejected for a second, before forcing a smile and turning back towards the team. You wonder if you’re the only one who noticed the interaction, you wonder if you’re the only one who cares enough to want to march down there and tell her off. You huff, instead opting to march your angry way to the entrance of the gym starting the trek home. Wondering if Number 22 will ever be yours like you desperately want him to.
-
It’s funny how much of your life you could dedicate to one person without any sort of reciprocation. You felt almost embarrassed as you shoved yet another letter into an envelope that increasingly got thicker and thicker with every burst of your emotions. You see, every time your feelings for Chenle got too strong to bare you would write short letters about how you felt, obviously, with no intention of Chenle ever getting his hands on them, just for your own catharsis. It helped, most days.
Today is not one of those days.
“Uh huh…” you said absentmindedly at your friend, Donghyuck , who tries to explain to you what intricate contraption they are building in this week's robotics class. However, you’re too busy looking over his shoulder at Chenle who laughs half heartedly at something his friend says, before going serious once again. You furrow your eyebrows and say, “have you noticed anything off about Chenle?”
Donghyuck sighs, knowing he has lost you once again. Nevertheless, he humors your narrative turning to watch the boy in question along with you. “I mean… he is kind of down.”
“Right?” You reply, shutting your locker and clicking the lock. Donghyuck shrugs.
“Maybe it’s because he broke up with his girlfriend this weekend.”
You stop dead in your tracks, “He did what?”
Donghyuck nods, (like it’s not a huge deal!) “at the party you missed this weekend, they got into a big fight and he told her it was over and stormed off.”
“A-and you didn’t think to tell me this?” You respond to which he just shrugs.
“It’s not like you had a chance with him anyway.”
“Ouch, Donghyuck .”
The words stung, of course but you knew Donghyuck was just being realistic with you, never one to lead you into things that could only hurt you in the future.
Donghyuck says something after that, that you don’t quite catch but you guess it’s fine since you didn’t really want to listen to him right now anyway.
Especially since Zhong Chenle just caught you staring at him and is now staring just as intensely into your eyes as you were to the side of his face.
You don’t know what kind of glitch you go through that you are unable to form any type of reaction or look away. Instead just kind of… freezing.
He brings up a hand and slightly waves in your direction. A kind smile on his face.
Oh no. He actually sees you.
Before you can even process it, you realize that you're running down the hall in the direction opposite to him. Out of the back door of the school, heaving as your heartbeat reaches 3000bpm.
🏀
Recalling the memory as you walk to the bus stop that afternoon causes you to slap your palm against your forehead once again. “What was I thinking? Now Chenle is really going to think I’m a freak.”
You couldn’t believe yourself, kicking the gravel underneath your sneakers in frustration you beat yourself up over having ruined the only interaction that could’ve possibly been your chance to win his heart. It could’ve been the last time he ever looked your way again, and you wouldn’t blame him.
But it wasn’t.
Because just minutes after, like a miracle from heaven, you hear the roar of an expensive car engine near you before hearing his angelic voice call the syllables you thought you’d never hear him say: “Y/N!”
Wide eyed, your snap your head to the sound of his voice only to see him through the window of his shiny million dollar car. He smiles and you feel like running again. He notices. “Wait! Don’t go!”
You hear the buckle of his seatbelt being undone and watch in shock as he jogs around the car and suddenly he towering over you with a sweet smile. “Hi.”
Say hi back! What are you doing? “Uh- I- uh- Hi?”
He chuckles, looking down at his shoes before looking into your eyes once again. “How you doing?”
“I’m- im good.” You stutter.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
The silence that follows makes you want to get swallowed up by the ground and never see daylight again.
Chenle notices how you avoid his eyes and chuckles once again, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well, um, I just saw that you were walking and wanted to know if you wanted a ride.”
“In your car?” You ask in a quiet voice. Chenle laughs.
“I mean, yeah. Unless you want to rent bikes from the tourism center.” You allow a small smile to grace your lips briefly before remembering the circumstances you currently found yourself in. Chenle (Zhong Chenle, Number 22, Yes. Chenle.) has just offered you a ride in his fancy car. The same car you watched him pull up in for two whole years. And he wants you to get in it.
The millions of scenarios that go through your head as to why this could be happening but as you painfully remember today’s events, you realize what this is about.
Chenle shoves both his hands in his jean pockets as he awaits your answer. “...So?”
You breathe in deeply, “Listen, um, if you’re doing this because you feel bad about earlier or something, please don’t.”
Chenle’s eyebrows furrow together and he comes closer to you. “That’s not the case at all, I just saw you walking all by yourself and thought to offer you a ride home.”
“But you drive past here every day and you’ve never offered me a ride before?” You question out loud, wincing as you realize that you could possibly sound creepy for knowing where he goes in the afternoon. “I mean- you always drive in the same direction as my bus stop! So I see you!” You feel how clammy your palms are rubbing against the harsh fabric of your jeans. “Speaking of the bus, I should probably go before I miss it.”
Just as you turn to walk away, Chenle’s hand grips your wrist where your sleeve has ridden up, allowing the first skin to skin contact you ever made with him. Your eyes widen at him and he lets go immediately, awkwardly. “I guess I was focused on other things, but now I’m focused on you.”
-
In the fever dream that was Zhong Chenle flirting (?), and the insistent drumming of your heart in your ears you come back to only realize you were moving into Chenle’s car. (The doors opened upwards!)
The boy took the liberty of opening it for you, closing it once you were settled in. You took the moment he was walking to the driver’s side to take in a deep breath and compose yourself.
What the hell is going on? Why Zhong Chenle talking to you? Why is he driving you home? Why did he tell you he’s focused on you? What? What does any of this mean?
Before you could begin pulling your hairs out in frustration, Chenle’s door opens and he plops down onto the driver’s seat. He looks over at you with a smile as he fastens his seatbelt, “Buckle up.” You do so quietly, biting your lip to prevent any further embarrassment.
The drive begins with little to no talking, the only thing filling the silence being the constant humming of the air conditioning and static of the radio.
“Do you want to listen to something?” He presses his pale fingers to the glossy touch screen in between you two. Soon enough, a soft beat travels through the ambience of his car. You see from the corner of your eye that he looks over at you and smiles, but keep your nervous eyes on the road in front of you; Chenle faces the road once again, tilting his head to the side in a gesture that you would find unbearably cute any other day makes you want to open the car door and jump out into the street, running away from the awkward silence and the confusing thoughts plaguing your mind.
-
Chenle leaves after promising to pick you up tomorrow morning, you can only nod your head rapidly and run into your house, afraid that he would be able to hear the loud beats of your heart.
Once the door of your room is closed safely behind you, you finally breathe for the first time this afternoon. “What the fuck? What the shit? What the hell?” You mutter to yourself as you pace around the room.
Could it be that your dreams are finally becoming a reality? Had Chenle seen you the way you saw him this entire time?
The one sided crush wasn’t as one sided as you thought! Is what you wanted to think, but there was part of you that questioned where his intentions lie due to the abruptness of the situation. What if there was an ulterior motive behind his actions? No. Chenle wouldn't do something as bad as play with someone’s emotions like that? Right?
As you lay in bed pondering the thought you decide it's best to ask him tomorrow.
-
You wake up 30 minutes earlier the next day, showering thoroughly and waiting in the living room so as to not make him wait too long to leave when he arrives.
This moment comes while you’re sitting at the table with your family, your eyes widen as you hear the knocks on your front door. “I’ll get it!” You stop your mother from reaching the door as you run to it.
Chenle smiles politely as your face appears from inside the house. “Hey.”
You smile back nervously, “Hi.” You proceed to stand at the doorway for a few awkward seconds before your mother comes to see who it is. She is pleasantly surprised to see someone of the male species there in front of you.
“Oh?” She says, smiling at him then looking at you suggestively. You try to convey a silent plea to not embarrass you before she looks away to shake Chenle’s hand. “Hi! I’m Y/N’s mom, are you one of her friends?”
Chenle smiles at her sweetly, “Yes, I am. I’m actually here to pick Y/N up for school.”
“You’re taking Y/N to school?” Your mother’s shocked face is enough to tell Chenle that it was probably the first time anything like this has happened to you.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Your mother sends you a sly smile that she thinks Chenle doesn’t notice before nudging your arm. “Then what are you doing standing there? Don’t make him wait!” Your groan and rub the spot on her arm where she pushed you as you go upstairs to grab your backpack.
Downstairs, Chenle accepts your mother’s offer of entering your humble home. Your house is a modest abode with strange decorations hanging up on the walls, along with pictures of your family. The living room looks like an orphanage where mix matched furniture goes to live. There's one pale green couch, one beige and one a bright yellow. Chenle thinks back to the pristine state of his own living room, the pure white furniture and modern, classy decorations hung up on the marble walls. He realizes that it is nothing like his own, in fact, he doesn’t think it could’ve been more different but he finds that he likes it. That it feels homey compared to his usually liefless house. It’s the kind of place he would stay in for a long time.
Chenle shakes those thoughts out of his as soon as they appear, remembering why he was doing this in the first place, he couldn’t risk getting attached.
-
“Be honest with me.”
Chenle startles upon hearing your voice above its normal shy muttering. You, on the other hand, are shaking in your shoes having practiced what you would say and thought over doing this millions of times last night. “What are your intentions? Like, it’s not that I think you’re a bad person or anything but I just don’t understand because of the suddenness.”
Chenle averts his eyes from the road to glance at you, smiling. He faces forward once again sighing slightly. “Okay, I’ll be honest,” He starts, you sit up straighter and involuntarily lean toward him. “I think you’re really cute, I always noticed you at my games and the way you would cheer me on was really endearing and it encourages me a lot.”
The butterflies that erupt in your stomach with his words are undeniable. “You noticed me?” Your quiet voice is back, still, he hears you. He smiles, and it’s genuine.
“Of course I did,” he says, “And i know that it was very… sudden but if you give me a chance i would really love to take you on dates and maybe… more.”
He sounds slightly unsure of himself. Rubbing the leather of his wheel with his hands.
Your mind is mush. Chenle likes you! He thinks you're cute and he noticed you at his games! What is life?!
“What do you say?” he says after the awkward pause in which you freaked out.
‘No’ is not a word in your dictionary.
-
The cycle continues throughout the next week; Chenle picks you up every morning (never forgetting to bid your mother a good morning) and takes you home every afternoon (always politely rejecting your mother’s offers to stay for dinner), always spilling banter in the car, learning about each other. Chenle notices how you open up to him and he likes it (though he can’t really pinpoint why), he likes talking to you, and laughing with you and he finds himself wanting to be around you more often. Though this wasn’t initially part of the plan, he figures he can enjoy it until it had to end.
The thought makes an eerie feeling rise in his chest, even if he doesn't know why, he thinks things will be a lot harder than he planned.
🏀
It’s friday when Chenle invites you to come watch his basketball practice.
You had imagined this scenario in your head plenty of times before but not once did you think you would ever actually be here sitting on the players bench watching up close as Chenle maneuvered across the court along with the rest of the players. There was sweat dripping off the tip of his blonde hair which made him look 10 times more attractive than he already was and you have to stop the drool that threatens to leak from your lips as he sits down next to you on the bench. “Hey.”
“Hi,” You reply, trying to keep yourself together.
“Practice is over.” Chenle says motioning towards the now empty court. It's only then that you realize that you and Chenle are alone, and suddenly, he’s sitting a lot closer to you than you thought. You turn your face to him and realize that your noses are nearly touching, Chenle smiles. “Hi.” He says, coming a bit closer until he feels the moisture of his sweaty arm against your dry one, he recoils. “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I’m so sweaty right now.” There’s a dust of embarrassed blush on his face as he slides away on the bench. Your heart starts beating erratically as you watch him try to rub his sweat away with his small hand towel.
You can’t find the words to tell him it’s okay (slightly scared to tell him that you like it) so you say the next best thing. “You looked cool playing.”
This eases him a bit, he smiles. “You think so?”
“Yeah!” You say, “Like Curry!”
Chenle laughs, “Oh man! I can’t believe you just compared me to Curry.” He stands and takes a bow, waving his towel dramatically. “I am honored.”
The scene causes you to giggle, and Chenle has to take a breather to calm his own beating heart.
“Especially when you blocked Jaemin at the 3rd point and scored on the spot. I was impressed.”
“You must know a lot about basketball.” He points out. You shake your head.
“Not really,” is your response. “I only learned from coming to watch your games.” The sudden confession slipped from your lips and you momentarily panicked.
Upon not hearing a response from Chenle, your breathing deepens and you think maybe you ruined the moment.
Unbeknownst to you, Chenle watches you with curious eyes. He senses the tension coming from you and walks away, leaving you alone in your troubled state.
You think maybe Chenle left without, freaked out and uncomfortable because of what you said, however, you’re proven ridiculously wrong when you dribble a basketball on the floor.
You lift your gaze to Chenle who dribbled the orange ball with a teasing smile on his face. “Why don’t you show me what you got?”
“I- I don’t-“ you begin.
“Oh come one, Y/N!” He says, passing the ball to you, “You have to be good. I mean, you did learn from the best.” The cocky shrug of his shoulders and teasing smile bring you peace of mind and you find yourself agreeing.
-
It’s safe to say that Chenle is surprised at your skills. He should’ve known you had paid enough attention to him to learn all his techniques and dodge them while playing. And to think he was planning on letting you win so you could feel better. It eventually became a full competition. Sweaty bodies and heavy breathing, running, dodging, scoring. Teasing words and intense competitive gazes.
The score was 7-7. Chenle sweeps in to swipe the ball from your hands but you pivot and shoot the three pointer right from your spot. “Yes!” You exclaim, throwing your hands in the air with a celebratory dance. “I won!”
Chenle is leaning with his hands on his knees, his chest heaving. “I need-“ he breathes, “I need to stop being so good at basketball. So heathens like you can stop learning my best tricks.” He brings his hand up to pinch your cheek teasingly. “You should join the team.” He says jokingly. You chuckle, rubbing the spot on your face that was just touched by his fingers.
“As if.”
“Hey! Does the idea of being in a team with tons of rowdy sweaty dudes that unappealing?” Chenle jokes, placing the basketball back in its place.
“It’s enough with you.”
Before you can retract the statement, Chenle speaks. “That’s right, you only need one sweaty rowdy basketball player in your life.” He winks. “And that’s me.”
You laugh at his words but can feel your heartbeat all throughout your body. You can’t stop your mind from thinking:
You’re damn right. It’s you.
-
As you walk back to his car, Chenle is the first to break the comfortable silence. “You know… it was nice to see you so talkative and competitive today. I had fun.”
And despite everything, he meant it. He knows he probably shouldn’t, but he does.
Unaware of his inner turmoil, you smile. “I did too.”
He gives you a lopsided smile in return before sliding the strap of your backpack off your shoulder and onto his own, keeping his own backpack company. “I’ll carry it for you.”
You wonder if this is the start of something magical. Beside you, Chenle wonders the same but his thoughts are weaved with something more, something that meant trouble.
You, however, hurry home to pour your feelings into a letter. Hearts drawn on the borders of the loose leaf page and a smile on your face all throughout.
🏀
Every week it gets harder to become immune to Chenle’s charm.
Today, he did something as simple as drop you off at home after school. However, before bidding you goodbye as song rings from the radio of his car. Chenle perks up. “I love this song!”
He turns up the radio to its full capacity and rolls down the windows, making the music sound through the street.
“Chenle! Turn that down!” You exclaim but the laughter in your tone hints that you want the exact opposite. Chenle shakes his head.
“No can do!” he waves his arms dramatically in the air, “Dance with me!”
You laugh once again at the wonderful boy, “You’re ridiculous!”
“Oh yeah?” He says challengingly. Suddenly he is opening the door and dancing on the sidewalk where everyone could see him. His movements are almost manic and all you can do is continue laughing. “I’m not leaving until you dance with me.”
“My neighbors are going to see you.” You warn. He shrugs.
“It's fine. I’ll just tell them I’m with you!”
“Oh my god no.” You say, stepping out of the passenger’s side, walking around the car until you’re in front of him, you cross your arms.
“Show me some moves, I’m getting tired.”
And so an impromptu two people dance party breaks out on the sidewalk in front of your house. Even though in your imagination dancing with Chenle would require the presence of an elegant ball gown and fancy chandeliers, all there is to be seen is loud music, laughter, grabbing of hands and playful banter. And you wonder if it could ever be more perfect than this.
-
Of course, like any other human, Chenle has his moments.
The morning car ride was as silent as could be. Chenle’s hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, angrily. His usual smile is replaced but a scowl that only left momentarily when you stepped into the car earlier, a (clearly forced) polite smile is what you saw.
Since then you didn’t dare to speak, not wanting to bother him when he was clearly having a bad time.
You arrive at the school and escape the still awkward ambience, bidding him a quiet farewell before running in.
-
You proceeded to spend the entire school day wondering what was up with Chenle that morning and what you could do to help him. It’s when you meet at the end of the day once again that you ask, “Hey, is everything okay?”
The boy freezes up, before clearing his throat. “Yeah, why do you ask?”
You shrug, “Nothing, you you were just kind of, like, quiet this morning… so i figured you were upset.”
The blonde boy in the driver’s seat keeps his eyes on the road ahead of him, “It’s nothing, Y/N.” He says in a rough tone, one you’ve never heard or thought you would ever hear him use. “It doesn’t concern you anyway, okay?”
Your form deflates into the seat, wishing you had kept quiet like you did this morning. You reply, “Okay.”
There’s tension. Body swallowing tension that lasts all throughout the car ride to your house, as Chenle pulls up in front the driveway and you have already unbuckled your seatbelt before he got the chance to put the car in park.
In the passenger’s seat, Chenle feels the guilt creeping on him. He realizes that you only asked because you cared. “Wait-” Seemingly, he is too late since you’ve already shut the car door and made your way up your driveway. “Goddammit.” He sighs to himself, working to take off his seatbelt.
Your feet hurriedly take you to your door after you exit Chenle’s car, your nerves increase as you hear Chenle leave his car. “Y/N, I-”
The door opens before you can turn the handle, your mother’s smiling face looks back at you. “Hey, Honey.” You smile back at the woman, who immediately notices the emotions behind your smile. Quietly, she asks: “Are you okay?”
As soon as you nod in response, her eye catches Chenle standing guilty behind you. “Chenle! How are you?”
Chenle smiles with a nod, “I’m doing alright.”
“Well, I would invite you in for dinner but I can imagine what your answer will be.” She says jokingly, teasing him for all the times he had rejected her offer. To her surprise, Chenle doesn’t laugh awkwardly or agree with her, instead, he ponders for a bit. His gaze finds your own causing you to quickly look away. He feels his heart contract as he thinks of starting at square one with you; back to when you couldn’t look him in the eye.
“Actually,” He says, “Dinner sounds great.”
🏀
Even though the tension between you and Chenle is painfully obvious, he feels his heart become lighter as he watches how you interact with your little siblings. Laughing at their childish antics and playing along with them at the dinner table. Your parents engaged in conversation with each other across the table and Chenle sat next to you, smiling and nodding as your little sister animatedly explained to him why the rocks she found next to the trash can at recess just had to be magical. As he looks at the dynamic you have in your home, he realizes that this feels more like a home than his house ever has. All of you are sat at the table, the splash of colors brought by the miscellaneous decorations, the laughter and the love radiating from every corner makes Chenle want to stay there forever.
“Woah!” He acts, “Are you serious?”
The little girl nods proudly, “Mhm! And I’m going to give this one,” she points to a particular shiny one on the dining table, “to Y/N, so she can make her dream come true. But don’t tell her it’s a secret.”
He chuckles at her before whispering, “why do you think she’ll ask for?”
She giggles, leaning closer. She puts a hand over her mouth as she whispers. “Number 22.”
Chenle refrains from gasping, “Huh?”
“She talks about him but she never wants to tell me who he is.” She explains. “But I think if she had a rock to grant her wishes, she would wish for him.”
Chenle takes this moment to look over at you, studying your side profile as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, helping your little brother with his food.
That’s when it hits him. He realizes that this isn’t what he planned it to be, that the bet he set up with his friends had gone too far, and that if he himself had a magic rock for his use… he would wish for you too.
-
“Thank you so much for the food, it was delicious.” Chenle says, rubbing his full belly to emphasize. Your mother chuckles. “It was my pleasure, Chenle. You can come back anytime you want, you are always welcome here.”
“I definitely will, ma’am.” He says with a lopsided smile before shaking your father’s hand firmly. You can already tell by the way your father affectionately claps his hand on his shoulder and smiles at him that he too has taken a liking to the boy, like your mother.
“Y/N.” She says sternly, turning to you who currently battled to avoid Chenle’s eyes. You hum. “Be polite and walk Chenle to his car, please.”
You grimace subtly, not wanting to be the awkward air that would come with being alone with him. You want desperately to say no, but the gaze your mother gives you tells you that would mean trouble for you.
The basketball player notices your hesitation and looks down sadly at his sneakers, remaining that way as you lead him to the front door of your house. Its then that Chenle looks up to the view of the back of your head, his hand twitches in want to smoothen out the ahi at the back of your head for you.
You catch Chenle mid dilemma as you turn to face him, gesturing towards the open door. His eyes shift from you to the door. And to his car, he thinks about the ride home and how once he gets home it will just be him and he’ll be alone.
He doesn’t want to be alone. Strangely enough, he wants to be with you.
“Chenle?” He hears your soft voice. Your eyebrows are furrowed as you watch him stand there, unmoving, with a look of confusion. He looks into your eyes and realizes you’re waiting for him to walk through the door first. He does so, head tilted down. You follow him out the door and close it behind you.
You trail behind him until he reaches his car, however, instead of getting in like you expected him to, he turns abruptly to you. His eyes are glossy and startled at the sight of them. “Do you-“ He pauses, hesitating. “Do you wanna go for a drive?”
“A drive?” You ask, watching him fiddle nervously with his keys.
“Yes.”
“Right now?” He nods firmly.
“I don’t- I don’t think my parents will let me go out this late.” You say, wrapping your arms around yourself to combat the winter wind. Before saying in a quieter voice, remembering the events that took place earlier that day, “And I thought you wanted to be alone.”
Chenle feels guilty upon hearing your words. Knowing you felt hurt by his words from earlier. He shakes his head, stepping closer to you. “No. I don’t. That’s the last thing I want right now.”
You see something in his eyes that you had never seen before. Exhaustion mixed with sadness and worry. The usually mischievous happy go lucky look nowhere to be seen amongst all the turmoil you found looking at him. You immediately grew more concerned. “Chenle…” you say, he looks away momentarily. “I’ll- let me ask my parents.”
-
Much like many times before, you’re sat in the passenger's side of his expensive car. The scene has become common, except the ambiance is different. Chenle doesn’t attempt to start conversation like he always does, instead, he just stares forward blankly. Occasional tears rolling down his pale cheeks which he wipes away as soon as they appear, you are itching to ask the boy what is going on in his pretty head but decide against it once you remember how that turned out earlier. So you keep silent as Chenle presses harder on the gas causing the streetlights of the empty highway to become a blur above you. It momentarily impressed you how fast his car could go, however, once you look over at the boy, you see his state. Chenle has strings of tears running down his face, snot dripping out of his nose and even his hair is sticking to his forehead due to his excessive sweating.
“Chenle, maybe we should pull over.”
He doesn’t seem to hear you, only pushing further down on the accelerator. Fear and concern enters your bloodstream as you watch him become a version of himself you’ve never seen, a version you didn’t even think existed. You reach over took him and rest your shaky hand on his arm. Upon feeling your touch, his head snaps to you and he hits the brakes abruptly causing your entire body to jolt forward. “Woah!”
Chenle’s chest heaves as he sees how scared he has made you. “I’m- I’m sorry.”
“Pull over, Chenle.” You say sternly, pulling your hand away and instead of doing what he wanted to do which was pulling your hand back to him, he does as you told him and park his car on the side of the road. The two of you sit in silence for what feels like forever, until you hear a sniffle come from Chenle’s side of the car. Looking over, you notice how he is hunched over the steering wheel, crying.
“Chenle?” You use the softest voice you could muster. “Chenle, what’s wrong?”
Your immediate response is silence. He takes in short choked breaths, it seems like every breath he takes causes him to fall into a state of agony.
“I think-” he said, voice quivering. “Y/N, I think I’m a bad person.”
The sentence confuses you. “Why would you think that?”
“Because I did something terrible to someone I care about.” He answers, you note that he is not able to meet your eyes. It scares you.
“What did you do?”
“I can’t-” He says breathlessly, his hand fumbling to open his car door. Stumbling out, watch as he makes his way around the car, leaning against the cement railing with his head in his hands.
You watch him in momentary shock before following him his actions and getting out of the car as well. You carefully approach him. “What is going on with you?”
Chenle sighs, pulling his hands away from his face. “I had a fight with my mother this morning, and everything was just piling up and I guess that was just the last straw.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I just… everyone expects so much from me.” He breathes. “My parents, my friends, my teachers, everyone at that damn school!” The railing in front of him takes the blows of his frustration. “And I don’t think i’m as good as they think i am, i'm not worth it.” He looks over at you and you immediately straighten at the sight of his red face. “Like you, Y/N. You’re so good to me, so nice and sweet. I don’t deserve it. Especially from you.”
You don’t know what he means by that. Chenle knows you don’t know but he stays silent. You take this as your chance to speak. “I’m not only nice to you because I want to be. Because you’ve always been nice to me too, Chenle.” You dare to step closer, into his bubble. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, it would be impossible to meet everyone’s expectations so just be yourself… that’s enough for a lot of people.”
Chenle’s mouth speaks before he can stop it. “Is it enough for you?”
To forgive me? To still be the same after you realize what I’ve done.
There is a silence that follows that one sentence, Chenle avoids your gaze nervously, he doesn’t realize that your silence is the product of your racing mind. The mind that is currently trying to find the words to describe what is happening in your heart. You ultimately decided that the best way to go is the truth.
“You know… I kinda had a crush on you all throughout high school, which is kind of embarrassing but that’s not the point,” you start, “the point is that I had this perfect version of you in my head. Of what you would be like. And then when you came up to me that day… I didn’t know if I could talk to someone who wasn’t the Chenle I knew up here.” You take the liberty of poking a finger against your temple. “But I did anyway, and I realized you were nothing like the Chenle I saw in my head…”
Chenle chuckled sadly before commenting, “Ouch.”
“You were better than him.” Chenle’s gaze snaps towards you in shock, you look forward. Too afraid to meet his gaze. “Nicer, funnier, and way more handsome than I thought up close.” You chuckle, having made the comment to help him feel better. “So yeah. I would say you are enough. More than, even.”
“You really mean that?”
For the first time you make eye contact, you furrow your eyebrows to try and make your sincerity as apparent as possible. “I do.”
He knows you do and that mends his heart as much as it breaks it into tiny pieces. He wants nothing more than to pull you towards him and smash his lips onto your own, but he also knows that it will only worsen the situation that is yet to come. Still his hands reach before he can stop them and reach to cup either side of your face.
Your heartbeat is running at an unearthly speed, Chenle can hear it but knows his own is probably the same. Betraying his common sense, he leans into you until your lips are almost touching, the top brushing enough to have you wanting more. You think he’s going to kiss you and close your lips tightly. However, instead of his lips, you feel his hot breath when he utters the words: “I’m sorry.” Before removing his hands from your face and backing away.
You can’t say the action didn’t cause a hurtful blow to your feelings but you also knew Chenle was in a tough place right now. You smile at him. “You don’t have to be sorry.”
Chenle hates how you smile at him when he does things that hurt your feelings. He hates that you’re so considerate and nice to him despite what he is doing to you behind your back. He hates that you will find out one day and that you’ll hate him as much as he hates this. He hates that he doesn’t want to lose you, and that in the end he probably will.
-
Friday is a holiday, so you don’t see Chenle the day after he took you on a late night drive with him. (You wrote another letter that night). In fact, you don’t hear from him until your phone chimes Saturday morning, Chenle’s name above a text message.
22 [9:15am]: hey
22 [9:15am]: I hope you’re good :)
22 [9:15am]: I just wanted to let you know there’s a party at my house tonight
22 [9:16am]: if you want
22 [9:18am]: actually, I really want you there so…
22 [9:20am]: please come.
You read the texts over a few times, it dawns upon you that you've never seen Chenle’s house. Sure, you’ve heard from classmates who had gone to his huge parties that it was extravagant as can be, resembling a hotel lobby rather than a house. The thought of being in his home made your hands sweat. Still, you remember how anxious you were to see him, especially after the other night, and you find yourself typing a reply of confirmation before tossing your phone to the side and walking to your closet to find something to wear for tonight.
🏀
As soon as your parents drop you off in front of what was easily the biggest, brightest, classiest house you’ve ever seen in your entire life, you get the unnerving urge to go home.
The abundance of people did nothing to help the creeping anxiety, the stares of some that briefly trained on you before whispering something to their friends. You couldn’t help but feel out of place. That is, until you see a familiar face. Jisung walks up to you with his hand wrapped around his girlfriend’s. “Hi!” He calle brightly as the girl waved friendly.
“Hey guys!” You try to stabilize your voice. “How’s the party?”
“Honestly… it kinda turned sour once some lower class men came and started to get wasted.” Jisung chuckled out, his girlfriend nods in agreement as she grips his arm affectionately. You smile when he looks over at her and smiles. There’s a part of you that feels envious of the relationship the two have but most of your thoughts surround how happy you are for the two. “We’re probably leaving soon anyway.” Jisung adds on.
After getting over your monetary panic of having to be alone once again you nod your head, smiling at them. “Okay, I’m going to try to find Chenle.” They nod and bid their farewells, you sigh out loud as you walk through the crowd once again, searching for the blonde hair of the boy you so desperately need to calm right now.
“I heard that she is the one Chenle left Ava for?” You hear someone say.
“No way! Chenle wouldn’t stoop that low, plus I heard Ava broke up with him.”
“Either way, I don’t understand why he would be hanging with her anyway, he probably feels sorry for her. What a loser.”
It’s strange how you can hear their comments over the loud music that causes the walls to vibrate. You feel like vomiting as your insecurities take over and another sweaty presses against you. You push them away and run the rest of the way, not looking to find Chenle anymore just wanting to get out of here. You find what you hope is the bathroom and open the door, running inside and shoving the door closed, chest heaving.
“Y/N?” You hear from behind you, you turn around in shock and make eye contact with the red faced boy you spent your whole night looking for. “Chenle.”
It’s then that you realize that he’s not alone. Across from him is an equally red faced Ava, eyebrows furrowed and lips turned down in a frown.
It dawns upon you that you might have just interrupted something.
You look between the two before averting your gaze back to the floor. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Hands grabbing the door handle and turning it quickly in a desperate attempt to flee the room. Completely deaf to the , “Wait!” That leaves Chenle’s mouth as you leave the room.
Soon enough your back in the sea of sweaty drunks, trying to stabilize your voyage to the front door. To escape the stormy waters this night has caused your nerves.
And you almost make it, had it not been for the harsh shove you received that sent you tumbling onto the floor. Suddenly, the people around you become giants and their huge feet stomp around you, threatening to squash you under their sneakers as if you were an irrelevant bug.
Your shaky legs prevent you from standing up, and you only realize you’re crying when you feel a tear run down the side of your neck. No one seems to notice you’re there and you suddenly remember why being invisible sucks.
It feels like ages have passed when you feel hands gripping your arms and lifting you onto your feet. Chenle’s voice sounds distance even if he’s barely an inch away from you. “Are you okay?”
“I think-“ you say, shakily. “I think I’m having a panic attack.”
Chenle takes your head and shoves it into his chest, making sure to keep a hand over your eyes as he leads you through the crowd. “It’s okay.” He whispers. “Everything is going to be okay.”
He repeats the sentences over and over until you two reach a quieter place and you hear the door of a shutting door and the music becomes muffled.
Chenle keeps a hand secured around your head as he holds you for a few more seconds before slowly letting you go.
“I need you to breathe with me, okay?” He says. Before you can think, you nod. “In through your nose.” He demonstrated, you follow. “Out through your mouth.”
You continue this until the beating of your heart has slowed down and you don’t feel like you're physically suffocating anymore. Instead, you feel tired. Chenle must have noticed because he ushers you to lay on the neatly made bed behind you, tucking you in before you had time to protest.
🏀
It takes a whole ten minutes for either of you to speak, you half expected Chenle to leave after throwing this blue blanket over you, instead, he sits at the edge of the mattress and picks at his nails. Kind of like he wants to say something.
“Thank you for helping me.” You speak first. “I don’t know what went wrong.”
Chenle sighs, “I’m sorry for not finding you, I just- I was-“
“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain.” You interrupt, remembering where he was when you finally found him. It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, still you know it’s not your place to question him. “I should get going, anyway.” You rush to slip on your shoes only to be stopped by Chenle.
“No, it’s not what you thought it was.” He starts. You avert your gaze from him in fear of what he had to say. “Ava and I ran into each other earlier and she was just going off about how horrible I was in front of everyone. I think she was drunk, but she was causing a scene so I wanted to take her somewhere where it wouldn’t cause a commotion. I didn’t want to bring her in here so I just took her to the bathroom” He says, “We got into a bit of an argument, and that’s when you walked in.”
“It’s-“
“She told me she wanted to get back together.” He blurts out, like he was getting something off his chest.
“Oh.” Is your reply.
“Obviously I said no.” He says, almost expectedly. He doesn’t know that the knot that was tightening in your chest loosened a bit at his words. He watches you for a bit before speaking again. “What- what’s on your mind?”
The question catches you off guard. You don’t really know what’s on your mind, the messy twister of thoughts going too fast for you to be able to reach in and grab a coherent thought. Only one thing pops up and you go with it.
“Is this your room?”
Chenle is silent for a second before he says. “Uh, yeah? Yes, it is.”
You hum, laying on your back once again. It’s then that you notice the glow in the dark stars Chenle has stuck to the ceiling of his room, identical to the ones in your own. “You have stars on your ceiling.”
He chuckles embarrassingly, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’ve lived here since I was a kid my grandad put them up there when I was young and I just never got around to taking them down.”
“I have the same ones on mine.”
“Really?” He asks. But he can’t help the shift his heart takes as he thinks of the two of you laying under the same glow in the dark stars every night.
Before he knew it, he was walking towards the light switch and flicking it off. The lights shine to their full potential over you. It eases you a bit, until you feel the bed dip next to you and you smell his close proximity to you, feeling the warmth coming his shoulder where it touches your own as you lay side by side.
The silence is comfortable this time.
“Do you ever have panic attacks?” You ask suddenly.
Chenle shakes his head but remembers you can see him, “No.” He whispers, as if someone would hear him. “But Jisung does sometimes, so I learned some techniques to be able to help him through it.”
You smile into the darkness. “That’s nice of you.” You lower your voice to his whispering tone.
Suddenly words are absent and the two of you just stare at the stars to the ceiling.
You know it’s weird, that after the other night, you are lying in Chenle’s bed beside him like nothing happened. Like you had always been there. You wondered whether you should be glad or scared that you feel that way.
Beside you, Chenle is having his own dilemma. On one part, he feels relieved that you’re safe now, that no one can hurt you now that you’re here with him. He feels comforted that you look so at home in his room, blending in so well it almost sends his head reeling. (Partially the reason he turned off the lights.) On another part, he feels so scared that he wants to think you blend in and that he wants to tell you everything in his head. That he wants to let you in, when he knows he shouldn’t. That he felt concern in his veins when he saw you in such a panicked state earlier, and all he wanted to do was tuck you into his chest and protect you forever.
Why did he want to protect you forever?
He turns on his side, you feel it. His breath fans on the side of your face. You turn to his darkness, staring to where you knew his face would be.
“Can I tell you something?” He says, it’s too late to take it back now, since you nod. “The other night when I ate dinner at your house…” he starts, “I was in such a bad place, And I never thanked you for putting up with me and having me over for dinner, it made me feel so much better, you know before everything blew up in the car.”
You furrow your eyebrows at his words. “That was actually my mom’s doing, but I will make sure to tell her you said so.”
Chenle shakes his head, kissing his teeth. “No, that’s not it. It was because you were there, Y/N.”
You hold your breath when he said that, not replying. Chenle takes his own in an attempt to calm his rapid heart. “Spending time with your family kinda made me feel like I was a part of something special.” He confesses. “Something you were a part of.”
An unsteady exhale tumbles from your lips, his statement doing a number on your heart. “What… what are you trying to say?”
This is it, Chenle. Tell her about the bet, confess what you did and fix everything before things get too serious and you break her heart. Tell her the truth!
‘The truth’ Chenle thinks. ‘Okay.’
“I like you, Y/N.” You don’t see that he is squeezing his eyes shut even if the room is pitch black.
“What?” You say in disbelief, even if the butterflies have already started erupting in your stomach.
“I like you.” He repeats. “So much.”
You stare in his direction in a state of shock and happiness. Meanwhile, Chenle beats himself up in his mind, taking your silence as a bad sign. “It's okay if you don’t want to be a thing or anything, I just thought, you know, since I like you and you like me… Liked? Is that past tense?”
Your head shakes and causes a ruffling noise against his pillow. “No, it’s very much present tense.”
The warmth pressed against your shoulder disappears. And you hear Chenle’s footsteps throughout the room, suddenly the world turns bright and Chenle walks back to the bed. Now with the light on, he can see the blush on your cheeks and the small smile you wear. He smiles back at you, but he feels bad. So, so bad.
So bad that leans down to lay over you, kissing your breath away.
It's only after the momentary surprise that you begin to kiss him back.
His lips are rougher than you thought they would be, but still held some pillow like softness you expected. His hands hold your cheeks as he dips down further to bring his lips closer to yours.
Now you totally understood why everyone was so crazy about kissing. It’s the best thing ever, and you never want it to end. However, breathing becomes an issue when you kiss someone, you learned. Chenle is the first to pull away, keeping his face a barely centimeters from your own, your breaths meet in the middle.
When you finally open your eyes, you are met with Chenle’s worried ones already watching you. You immediately frown.
“What’s wrong?” You ask. Are you a bad kisser? Does your breath smell? Does he regret it? His response is unlike those, shocking you when the words leave his mouth.
“I don’t want to break your heart, Y/N.” He looks away from you. His body is still positioned above you, the position being one that makes it hard to avoid your eyes (and one that is even suggestive). Still he tries his best, that is, until he feels your soft hands cradling his cheeks just as he has been doing to your own just a few minutes ago.
“Chenle, look at me.” You say, though your voice is wavering. He obliges. “Why are you worried about that?”
“I just-” You can tell he would look away if you weren’t holding his head in place, he can’t hide his eyes now. “I’m just afraid I'll do something to hurt you and that you’ll hate me.” He says, which isn’t the whole truth but is also not a lie.
“Why would I hate you? I could never.” Chenle wants to scoff sadly when you say that but you cut him off. “I’ll promise to not break your heart if you promise to not break mine.” You extend your pinky in between your faces.
Chenle winces internally, feeling like he already broke your heart. And he is more scared now that it’s real. That you like each other and this probably makes you guys a thing, that he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings like he knows he will. But he also thinks about the fact that he has never felt this way with anyone else, that you were the first girl he ever felt comfortable enough with to let in his room, that you have glow in the dark stars like him and that it kind of feels like you’re split-aparts that have finally found each other. The longer he could keep you by his side, the better.
That’s when he decides to let himself live in this world, at least while he can. He wraps his pinky around yours and lets your thumbs touch, sealing the deal.
He doesn’t have time to regret his decision because you lean up and catch his lips before he can think of anything but you.
🏀
Two weeks later, and most of your days have been spent much like this one. Chenle’s arms wrap protectively around your middle as you read the messages on your phone. One being a reminder from the president of the student council about the special dress code for Valentine’s Day.
You turn in Chenle’s hold and meet his sleepy eyes, he smiles. “Did you see what the student council is doing?”
“Mm?” He replies, you turn your phone to him. “A dress code?”
“Yep, white for single, pink for complicated, and red for taken.” You say, bringing attention back to you phone. “I’m glad I look good in pink.”
The statement confuses Chenle. “What do you mean pink? What is complicated?”
You startle at the awareness and worry on his voice compared to the sleepy mumbles you were getting just moments ago. “Well… I mean, you never asked me to be your girlfriend.”
Chenle freezes. You were right, he never did because part of the bet was to have a girlfriend by Valentines, it made him feel as though he wasn’t a complete asshole if he hadn’t completed the bet. “You’re right.”
You watch him expectedly, but receive no response. Holding back a sigh, you bring your attention back down to your phone.
“Are you upset with me?” His soft voice meets your ears.
You shake your head. “Of course not, why would I be?”
“It’s not fair to you that I keep you waiting.” None of what I’ve done to you is fair, he thinks.
You reach up and stroke the hair that frames his face, smiling softly. “I’ll wait until you’re ready, Chenle. You know that.”
It scares him how soft you are, how warm and safe he feels when he’s with you. That’s when he decides, it’s best if he waits out this week and lets himself live like this longer, even if it’s for a bit.
“Kiss me.” He whispers. And you do. Pushing your chest flush against his, making sure every part of your body touches his own; remaining like that until you are sure you have blisters lining your lips from how much you’ve kissed him.
The two of you end up hotly panting, you straddled over his lying figure. Chenle looks up at you from where he is before sitting up, suddenly, you feel the warmth of his hands tug at the edge of your shirt. His eyes ask for permission, which you reply to with a nod.
You’re nervous. Very much so. You wonder if this will be the first time you have sex or if anything else will happen.
Chenle lifts your shirt off your head and places it next to your body. “Is this okay?” He asks, his big innocent eyes looking up at you.
“Yes.” Is the only answer you can formulate.
The boy maintains eye contact with you as he says the following words. “Do you want to take off mine?”
Your face flushed red, you can feel it. “I-if that’s okay with you.” His answer is in the form of his hands leading your own to the hem of his shirt, before letting go and putting his arms up. Your hands are shaking as you grab the clothing, slowly pulling it up, exposing his pale abdomen inch by beautiful inch.
You smile at him as his head finally reappears from the whole in his shirt. “Hi.” You say, he smiles.
What he does next is something you didn’t expect from the lead up of events, unlike anything you’ve seen in erotic movie or read about in novels.
He wraps his arms around your waist and pushes you down to lay next to him, he then pulls you towards him so that your the heat of your torso melts into his own. He shuffles until he is as close to you as he can get, only then is when stops moving. Resting his cheek against your own, you feel his breath on your ear.
“I just want to be close to you, to hold you.”
Just like that your heart is full to the brim once again.
-
It’s the night before Valentine’s Day and Chenle is restless. He had decided tomorrow would be the day he would tell you everything. He would come clean and the two of you would start over (right?). He had practiced what he was going to say for hours earlier that night, wanting to have the perfect words so that his message got across to you. Still, even with all that practice, he knows there’s no guarantee that you won’t hate him. That you will swear him off and never speak to him again, when he has become so fond of you. The thought makes his hands ache and toes curl in an angsty feeling.
After tossing and turning for nearly two hours, he finally gives up on sleeping and opts for looking at the stars stuck to his ceiling. He wonders if you’re awake right now. If you’re thinking about him while looking at your stars. He imagines your messy hair and pajamas and smiles softly to himself. “I miss her.” He says out loud, to the darkness of his room.
Suddenly, everything happens in a flash as he throws his covers off himself and marches to the closet, pulling out his favorite red hoodie, grabbing the Valentine’s Day gift he had gotten you days ago then he’s in his car. Desperate to get where you are.
-
It’s nearly 1am when you hear the knocking on your window. You had just begun to fall asleep when the noise startled you awake.
Upon inspecting your window cautiously, you gasp when you see Chenle’s blonde hair. The window opens with a click. “Chenle! What are you doing here?”
What is he doing here? “I just wanted to see you.”
His words flutter your heart. “But it’s 1am, on a school night.”
“I know that, I just…” he scratches the back of his neck because in reality he doesn’t know why the hell he even came here in the first place. “I had to give you something.”
He extends the bag in his hand out to you. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
The bag contains two items, the first being the red hoodie you had seen Chenle wear many times before. His smell reeked off of it, causing you to nearly die of delight. “Wear this tomorrow.” He says. “Cause you’re mine.”
You don’t know that his heart hurts for you, he pities you for being the one who causes him to lose all self control and make decisions that will hurt you in the long run. He feels so sorry that he couldn’t wait until tomorrow, that he just wanted you today, now. Before you get the chance to hate him. To run away. He wanted you to be his.
You say nothing to him, only smiling bashfully as your cheeks matched the color of his clothing item. You look into the bag and see a black box that would be the second item. “What’s this?” You say to yourself, smiling up at Chenle. You open the box to reveal a beautiful necklace with a pretty pink diamond hanging off the end. You gasp.
“Chenle, I can't accept that.” You say, closing it. You knew the necklace probably cost more than your house, you felt guilty taking it.
“Please accept it. I bought it for you. I want to see it on you every day.” He seizes the opportunity to reassure himself. “And yes. It cost a lot, so that means we have to continue seeing each other, hm?”
“Chenle…” you say.
“Please.” He says in a way that makes you wonder if this is only about the necklace.
“Okay.”
You pivot and allow him to clip the chain, you turn to him and catch his reaction to the jewelry resting against your upper chest. “How do I look?”
Chenle’s eyes study the necklace before looking into your own. He smiles somewhat sadly as his arm reaches up to stroke your own. “You look beautiful.” He whispers. “Just like I knew you would.”
You can’t put your finger on it, but something about his demeanor is unsettling. “Chenle, is something wrong?” You ask, to which he shakes his head weakly, but the sad look on his face tells you otherwise. You figure it had something to do with his family and refrain from asking. Instead you cup his cheek to provide him comfort, he leans into your touch and shits his eyes momentarily. “I love it. Thank you.” You say in a quiet voice. Chenle watches your features move into a soft smile before impulsively leaning forward to peck your lips.
“I’m so happy.” To be with you, to be yours. “Let's be happy together for a long time, okay?”
You don’t say no.
-
The next morning you arrive before every other student to school. Chenle’s red sweater rests on your figure as you reach your locker and take out what had been heavy in your mind since last night. The letters. You were going to give them to Chenle and ask him to be your boyfriend. Sure, you were nervous to do so, but you knew Chenle was someone you wanted to have in your life for a long time. That's why you slip the envelopes decorated with his name one by one into the vent of his locker.
You remember thinking this would be the beginning of something great.
You were wrong.
🏀
There’s a pep in your step as you make your way through the halls after school clad in Chenle’s red hoodie, heart eyes searching for the boy.
And for the first time in probably ever, you wished you wouldn’t have found him. You wished you didn’t have to see Chenle pressed up against his locker with his hands resting on Ava’s hips as she kisses him roughly.
“Oh my god.” You say, voice small but enough to catch Chenle’s ear. The boy immediately pushes Ava away from him and turns to the sound of your voice with pleading eyes.
“Y/N-“
“Look who showed up!” Ava interrupts, turning fully towards you. “I was wondering when you were going to come looking for him like you always do, I bet you’re glad it’s over, right Chenle?”
The way the boy looks away from your eyes to shift his guilty gaze to the floor makes you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “Chenle what is she talking about?”
When the boy remains silent, Ava’s high pitched voice answers for him. “Well, since he doesn’t seem very talkative right now, I’ll just tell you myself.” She clears her throat, as if setting the scene, your hands are starting to ache. “A month ago, our darling Chenle made a bet with his friends after our break up, you know as boys do, they said he couldn’t get another girlfriend before Valentine’s Day. Obviously, Chenle’s competitive self took that as a challenge and it’s obvious that you had been in love with him for like ever so you were the easiest target.”
The way the world stops spinning isn’t like it’s described in all the romance novels you read, it’s not the good kind that makes you feel like you're floating that nothing could stop you, it’s the kind that weighs you down and makes you feel dizzy, causing you to stumble. This is what you feel when you ask: “Chenle… is this true?” And the boy just stares at you, for a second before looking away once again.
“Of course, it’s true. He was even showing me the pathetic love letters you wrote to him.” She motions to the stack of letters in Chenle’s hands. You gasp, feeling like every last bit of you was torn apart. The thought of them reading the deepest tellings of your heart and laughing at it, all when you wholeheartedly believed that the boy you spoke about in the letters was finally all yours.
When he wasn’t. He was never yours. But he wanted you to think that.
“Oh my god,” you run to him and attempt to rip the letters out of his hands only for him to hold on tighter. “Let go, Chenle.”
“Y/N, please-“
You can’t help the sob that creeps up your throat as your attempt weakly to shake your heart out of his hands. “Please, let go.”
Chenle watches you cry before him and feels like that the act of ripping his actual heart out of his chest would hurt less than this.
You take this moment of weakness and rip the letters out of his grasp, before running down the hall.
-
It’s only when you feel a hand grasp your shoulder and spin you around that you realize that Chenle has followed you all the way out to the parking lot.
Seeing him caused every bone in your body to ache, and the contractions in your heart were hard to ignore. “Wait, okay? I need to explain somethings to you.”
“I don’t want to hear your explanations! I just want to go home.” You realize that you probably sound like a bratty child but you couldn’t care less.
Chenle nods, “Okay, then let’s go.”
“Not with you.”
Chenle can't help the dagger that the sentence shoots into his heart. “Then I’ll say what I need to say right here!” He exclaims, trying to mask his pain with anger. “It’s true that I made a bet with my friends to date you the day I first drove you home, and it’s really shitty of me, I know. But I had just broken up with Ava and everything was so messy and I just wanted to make her feel bad so I said yes. “ He pauses, “I said yes and so I went to you since I knew you liked me-“
“Jesus,” you wince, embarrassment creeping up your throat and clogging it up. Your eyes water as you think of how truly fucked up the situation is.
That day, one month ago, you were right to question Chenle’s intentions. No, he didn’t admire you or see you the way you saw him, you were just easy bait. And everything has been a lie. “I can’t- I can’t do this.”
Chenle tries to stop the tears of guilt that threatened to leak from the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”
“No you’re not.” Your bitter words are a shock to Chenle, he had never heard you use that tone with him (or with anyone) before. “You’re not fucking sorry.” Tears of humiliation and frustration run down your face and Chenle wants desperately to cradle your cheeks in his hands, but thinks he might never be able to after this. “It might not have been a big deal to you Chenle, but you were my first kiss, you were the first guy who ever took me on dates and drove me around in his car, you. And I thought you were the first boy who ever liked me.” The smell of him you once loved reeks of the hoodie covering your body, however, instead of feeling welcomed and happy you feel like it’s creeping up the sides of your neck and suffocating you to no end. You groan as you grab the hem of the article and rip it off your body, leaving you in a flimsy t-shirt to combat the winter cold.
Chenle sighs, “I know you’re mad at me but you’re going to get sick if you walk home like that. It’s cold.”
You scoff in response, “Lucky for you then, because you don’t need to worry about me anymore.” In a quieter voice you say. “I was probably just a burden to you this whole time.”
The boy immediately opposes the statement, “You were never a burden, I liked hanging out with you. I care about you.”
“Only because it helped you win that stupid bet, and to make your ex jealous!” You exclaim, finally looking into his sorry eyes. He looks tired, you almost falter in your stance before putting up the wall separating you two that had always been there before the day he drove you home.
You wished he had never approached you, because the Chenle in your dreams would never do this to you.
It’s in that moment that you feel the weight of the dove on your neck, your finger move to unhinge it as you place it on top of the hoodie resting against his chest. You watch his jaw tense as he looks at you. You make eye contact one last time with the blonde haired boy in front of you, Before sadly turning away.
“Y/n please,” it’s the weakest you’ve ever heard his usually booming voice. “Don’t leave me like this. What about our promise, huh? You’re breaking my heart right now.” Chenle knows the attempt to get you to stay is pathetic and desperate but he’s at a loss of what to do.
Angrily, you spit. “You broke my heart the moment you approached me that day so I guess that promise was made to be broken wasn’t it?”
Chenle watches you walk away with your arms wrapped tightly around your shaking body. He sees as you walk past a trash can and dump all your letters into it, wiping your tears and starting your journey to the bus stop.
And he would never share this with you, walks up the trash can with tears in his eyes and reaches into the garbage, picking out every letter in there. He figures it’s the only piece of your heart he can manage to save for himself. It’s proof that the hate you now hold in your heart for him was once love.
Even if he ruined everything.
-
You never knew they called it heartbreak because your chest physically hurts this much. At times you feel like throwing up, at others you want to throw all your belongings across your room. The pain was almost unbearable at the beginning, embarrassing and hot flashes of anger running through you constantly as you think back to that moment.
You don’t go to school that Monday, telling your mom you were feeling sick. Which isn’t entirely a lie, especially when you see Chenle’s car pull up outside your house that morning. You feel like throwing up again. You’re angry at him. So so angry that he thinks things will be the same after what he did. That he thinks he can pull up at your house and drive you around after completely breaking your heart.
You pull the blinds down as your mom comes through your door. “Honey, Chenle is here.”
“Tell him to leave.” You seeth, tears running down your face. You wipe them away frustratedly. “Tell him to never come back here, Mom.”
Your mother watches with sad, sympathetic eyes. Before nodding solemnly and closing the door on her way out.
Due to a strange urge, you peek through the blinds and wait to see him walk out your driveway. He does, dragging his feet. Much to your dismay, he stops suddenly and turns to face your window. You immediately step away in the darkness of your room, away from the light and Chenle’s eyes.
-
Three weeks pass, things at school remain the same for the most part. You hang out with Donghyuck like you used to. You try your best to not look over at the athletes table even when you feel Chenle’s eyes on you. However, somethings do change, you no longer spend your class time daydreaming about a certain blonde boy, or writing love letters on the back pages of your notebook about how pretty his eyes look when they catch the light. Instead, you stare out the window of your classrooms, wanting nothing more than to be in your room away from everyone once again. You sigh and look away from the window momentarily before looking up again. You startle as you see Chenle on the other side of the glass. Watching you with eyes that looked like they had a lot to say. You shudder when you take in the bag under his eyes and exhaustion written all over his face. You want to believe it’s because of you, you hope it is. You hope he can’t sleep at night thinking of you. Nevertheless, you remember what happened on Valentine’s Day and realize you were probably too insignificant to him to have caused him to be this way.
He softly smiles at you, bringing his hesitant hands up to wave at you, only for you to avert your eyes away from him and to the teacher at the front of the room.
Chenle looks down dejectedly before continuing his walk, meanwhile you sit at your desk, wanting to escape more than ever.
-
Three days later, your mother informs you that you have a visitor. “Tell him I don’t want to see him.”
“It’s not Chenle.” She says before confusedly adding: “He said his name is Jisung.”
Jisung? What the hell is he doing here? “I’ll be down in a minute.”
When you finally get down stairs Jisung smiles awkwardly at you before gesturing towards the door. “Do you like milkshakes?”
-
“What is this about?”
The words that say heavy on your tongue the whole car ride here finally leave you as you sit across Jisung at Billy’s. He sips his milkshake before clearing his throat to speak. “How have you been?”
You’ve been really shitty. “I’ve been fine, I guess.”
Jisung hums, rubbing his hand together before sighing. “I guess we should just get straight to the point, then.” He pauses, “Have you spoken to Chenle recently?”
While you figured this meeting had something with Chenle, you still sit up straighter when you hear his name. You clear your throat as if this is a kind of declaration. “No. I haven’t spoken to him since Valentine’s day.” You don’t want to ask about him, so you try the next best thing. “Why- why do you ask?”
“I haven’t seen him since last week.” Jisung says, something in your stomach doesn’t sit right. “He’s been missing practice, which he never did, and he’s not answering any of my messages or calls. And the pre-final game is tomorrow and no one has heard from him.”
His words are bazar. Basketball is unarguably the most important thing in Chenle’s life, why would he risk this chance of winning the championship like this? “He hasn’t spoken to me either, sorry.” You say, but your mind is fogged with worry as to where the boy could be. Jisung remains silent for some time before he clicks his tongue.
“I know what happened between you two.” You avoid his gaze and feel blood rush to your cheeks. “And I think you’re right for not talking to him after that.”
How could he say that about his best friend? Still, you nod. “But I think you only know a part of what’s really going on here.”
“Huh?”
“I mean, yeah. The whole thing started as a bet, but after a few weeks Chenle told me that something changed. He said he didn’t want to do the bet anymore, that he felt guilty for using you like that because he ended up really really liking you Y/N and I’m not just saying this because he is my best friend or anything but I think when the time is right, you should give him a chance.”
You finally look up at him and realize upon feeling a tear trail down your face that you were crying. You wipe it away quickly and sigh. “I don’t know, Jisung. He really hurt me, I was so embarrassed I felt like I could die.”
“Sometimes we make stupid decisions.” The ‘we’ reminds you of the story of Jisung and his girlfriend’s love story that Chenle animatedly told you about one night you stayed at his house. You remember wondering how someone as sweet as Jisung could do any of those things, and how his girlfriend could forgive him for any of it.However, you knew the love they had for each other in their hearts was more than the anger due to his actions. You wonder if the attachment you have for Chenle would ever be enough.
Jisung reads your mind. “I think he loves you.”
Your eyes become wide as planets before you scoff in disbelief. “Don’t say that.” You say, weak hearted.
“He does! While you two were still a thing he wouldn’t stop talking about how cute you were, how good you are at basketball and how you have the same glow in the dark stars on your ceiling that he does.”
What? You didn’t think cared enough to talk about you or to remember those details. “He told you that?”
Jisung nods, “And a lot of other things, but I don’t think we’ll have the time.”
“He… he never told me he loved me.” You thought Chenle had just come into your life as a lesson to always be on your guard, to never let anyone in and protect yourself above others. But now… you wonder if you meant more to Chenle than you thought.
“Take it from me,” Jisung says, “sometimes those 8 letters can be the hardest to say.”
🏀
Once you’ve parted ways with Jisung, (who offered to drive you home to which you politely declined to, telling him the walk home would give you time to think) you make your way home on your dirty sneakers and think about what Jisung said.
It’s hard to believe that Chenle would actually say those things about you, while knowing he was playing you. You wondered if it really did change for him like Jisung said, and if he really felt sorry like he was telling you that day in the parking lot.
You’re so lost in thought that you don’t realize the familiar car parked in front of your house until you hear the voice your heart has been longing to hear for weeks now. “Is Y/N home?”
You bolt to the nearest bush and duck behind it, close enough to hear their words but far enough that Chenle and your conflicted mother are unaware of your presence. “Oh, I’m sorry sweetie she went out a few hours ago.”
“Oh.” You flinch when you hear the disappointment in his voice. “Can you tell her I stopped by?” And that I miss her, he wants to say but you don’t know that. “And please give this to her too if it’s not too much trouble.” You hear shuffling as Chenle hands whatever it is he wanted to give you to your mom.
“I will, sweetie.” Your mom says. “And Chenle?” There's a pause in which he hums. “Get some sleep, honey.”
You can imagine that Chenle throws her his signature polite smile, “I will try, Ma’am.”
It’s not longer after that you hear his sneakers against the steps of your porch and see him get into his car. You have a perfect view of him from where you are. Watching as he frustratedly runs his hands through his hair and throws his head back against the seat. You don’t know why you feel sorry for him. You know you should be angry but after what Jisung told you, you need to stop yourself from going to him.
-
You contemplate if even looking inside the bag is a decision.
It sits in front of you neatly on your bed where you had placed it after your mother handed it to you with a worried: “He looks so tired, Y/N.” Which caused hurt to arise in your heart.
The bag is a bright red one, the type that usually is full of candies and sweets, maybe flowers. You want to know what is inside manically, but you're afraid about what this would mean for your relationship (if you could even call it that) with Chenle. Is this his final goodbye or is this him trying to get you back?
You had to know.
Upon opening it, you are shocked to see a pale yellow envelope with your name written in Chenle’s messy handwriting on top. You grab it with shaky hands, the texture is different somehow, because for the first time ever, this letter was meant for you.
Inside, there is a loose leaf paper much like the ones you had sent to him neatly folded. Your heart beats in your ear as you finally see the first words, you breathe in deeply and read away.
“Y/N,
I thought for a long time about what I would say to you in this letter, I’ve been sitting on it for three weeks trying to find the right things to say that would convince you to forgive me before I realized that they all sounded tacky and cliche when I read them back. So, i’ve decided to just go with the truth. It’s true that at first I wasn't honest with you, that I only approached you to complete a dare my friends had given me that day and I won’t make any excuses because I was such a huge asshole to you. I was just so hurt that day because of Ava and I wanted to make her feel like shit so bad, I wanted to hurt her like she had hurt me and I used you to do so, Y/N. But after I approached you and started spending time with you,I started thinking back to all the times I would look at you when the sun came in through the window in the English classroom before I had even spoken a word to you. I bet you didn’t know I did that, did you?”
You didn’t, the you at that time would’ve freaked out if she knew though.
“I remember thinking you were so pretty, that you were untouchable to me so i just never tried. But something changed when i got to know you, i realized that you were the coolest person i’ve ever met, that you were real and that you were there with me whenever i needed someone. No one has ever made me feel so safe and comforted. I became selfish with you because I never wanted it to end. I didn’t want to tell you because i was scared you would hate me do you hate me? The night before valentines i went to your house because i planned on telling you everything the next day, i wanted to see your happy eyes just once more just in case i ruined everything. On Valentine’s day, when i got to school and read your letters. You wouldn’t believe how happy I was to read all the wonderful things you said about me. I was so happy that you held me as close to your heart as I held you to my own. I was going to tell you everything after that, i was going to confess and tell you that i couldn’t go another day with this secret. I was going to tell you how i felt but Ava stopped me, she told me she knew about the bet and then she kissed me and that's when you showed up. I’m so sorry you had to see that, I’m so that i used you like that. I’m sorry that I took advantage of you but I want you to know that I meant everything I told you, I loved spending time with you, and being with your family made me feel so special. I remember thinking we were split aparts and i know that sounds stupid but i really want you to know that i meant it. And every kiss we shared and every time I held you I felt it and I really really really mean it when i say that i loved you. I loved you so much that I didn't ever want to lose you.”
The past tense makes your chest tighten.
“I won’t tell you to forgive me, but your spot on the bleachers looks so empty without you. The pre finals are tomorrow and i would love it if you came, to cheer me on like you used to. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to but I wanted to give you something that would portray how serious I am about this. That if you are willing to come cheer me on with a part of me with you.”
This when you reach into the bag and pull out the item that once laid underneath your letter. The 22 of Chenle’s basketball jersey stares back at you, you gasp as you hold the fabric in your fingers. You had watched him run around the court with this very jersey plenty times before, you knew how much being number 22 meant to him. You were grateful he would trust you so important to him, you really wanted to grab his face and tell him that. Instead, you finish reading the letter.
“You make me feel brave. And I will forever be sorry for what I did to you, but I mean it when I say I loved you I still love you.
Please come. - Zhong Chenle.”
He loves you! Present tense. You could almost jump from joy. You want to see him, tell him you love him too. A million times if you can. You want to say that you forgive him for everything, that you have felt incomplete without him these past few weeks and the Chenle you made up in your mind was too perfect anyway.
-
Chenle sighs for the upteenth time the next afternoon as he stretches along with his teammates. He tries his best to take his mind off of you for the time being, at least until after the game is over, he needed to focus but he found it very hard when he began to wonder what was going through your head when you read his letter, and if you were coming today.
He startles when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Hopeful, he turns. His hopefulness fades away when he sees Jisung standing before him.
“Damn don’t look too sad to see me.” He jokes. Chenle shakes his head
“It’s not that…” Chenle explains, biting his lip nervously and subconsciously looks toward the bleakers where your empty seat was. Jisung gets the hint.
“Chenle,” he says. “It's okay, she’ll come.”
Chenle wants to ask him how he is so sure, that if he were you, he would hate himself too. Instead, he nods at him and readjusts the waistband of his shorts on his hips as the coach calls for the team to step out onto the court.
People immediately start cheering for the players as they come into the view, girls go crazy in the stands and the members’ friends and families cheere enthusiastically from the side lines. The players smile and wave at their ‘fans’ doing a lap around the court to warm up and high five audience members.
Chenle can only bring himself to smile half heartedly and wave weakly due to the fact that your spot on the bleachers still remains empty.
He sighs out again, puffing his cheeks as the referee finally calls for the first round. That’s when his adrenaline starts pumping and he feels a bit better.
The game goes on.
-
Chenle’s jersey is only a bit big on you, almost fitting like something that would be your size, still, you try to pull it down over your hips in a nervous habit. You finally made it to the game, having fun late due to traffic. The spot you usually sit in is occupied by a woman holding a baby, so you decide to stay and watch from the sidelines, standing.
The first time you see him, he is running across the court so fast he becomes a blur. You only know it’s him because of the head of blonde hair you see in the blurry image. He looks breathtaking as always, his hair being pushed away from his face by a sweat band being an addition to his look you wouldn’t mind seeing again.
His sneakers squeak against the floor as he gets in position to shoot. You cross your fingers, but something is off. His eyebrows are furrowed in something that doesn’t look like concentration, but more like worry. His legs give him the impulse to jump up and soon enough his arms are shooting the ball towards the basket. You watch in disappointment as it hits against the rim and bounces back at him, he catches it with a frustrated click of his teeth.
The audience has already begun whispering, having never seen the star player miss a shot.
One of his teammates comes up to give him a fist bump of comfort, Chenle accepts it but still holds a troubled look on his face. The thought crosses your mind that it might be because of you, it troubles the organ in your chest as much as it warms it. You notice he keeps glancing at a certain part of the bleachers, this is when you know he meant everything and that he surely is waiting for you.
“Chenle!” You yell, trying to get his attention.
The boy doesn’t look your way, your voice getting lost in constant shouts and chatter from the people in the crowd. You try again, louder this time. Nothing.
You groan frustratedly, the boy continues the game the best he can, but he’s out of it. You hate to see him like this, a deep hurt in your chest rising up. You cheer for him as loud as you can, deciding it would be better to wait until after the game to see him.
As the game is coming to an end, Chenle appears to grow more and more tired and absent. Nevertheless, his team scores the winning point and the audience goes wild, including you. Chenle smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
You can’t wait to hold him and tell him you forgive him for everything and that everything is going to be okay, and be with him for real this time. To have him be yours and be best friends against, go on nightly drives and have impromptu dance parties, to lay on his bed and count the plastic stars on his ceiling, to kiss him and be close to him.
And for it to be real.
🏀
Chenle can’t help but feel dejected when your seat was never taken by you. He should’ve known this would happen, that is true but there was a fraction of him that thought you would read his letter and realize how sincere he was, he thought there was a part of you that knew it had been real and there was no way everything he said could've been made up. But he was wrong, and now as he packs his gym bag to go home, he faces the consequences of his high hopes.
He’s mad, practically throwing his belongings in his bag, he almost throws his phone in the trash can next to him when he hears the ringtone go off. Chenle answers it with an irritated, “What?”
“Hey.” He recognizes your voice that same instant, still he pulls his phone back and makes sure its your caller ID before speaking again.
“Y/N? Oh my god, hi!” He clears his throat before repeating himself. “I mean, hi, hey.”
You hold back a laugh, noting his nervousness. “I’m sorry for calling so suddenly.” You decide to tease him, although, unbeknownst to him, you wear standing about 20 feet behind him after finally finding him in the now that the crowd of people has dispersed after the game.
“No, don’t worry about it. I was actually…” Chenle flicks the zipper of his bag with his nervous fingers, “I was waiting to hear from you.”
“Were you?”
“Yeah, I wanted a chance to talk things out with you and uhh… i'm sorry if me asking you to come out to the game was too much or if it made you uncomfortable I didn’t-“
“Chenle.” Your voice cuts his rant short. You internally marvel at the fact that you aren’t the one caught in a nervous ramble for once. “It didn’t make me uncomfortable. I’m here.”
“You’re here?” Someone clicks in his mind as he frantically looks around him in an effort to find you. When he does, his eyes turn soft and a smile takes over his face. “You came.”
You nod at him, feeling a bit overwhelmed when you finally make eye contact with him. There are people between you too, Chenle begins to close it as he walks forward. “I did. I just wanted to tell you that I missed you.”
“I missed you more, I swear on it.” He replies.
Your eyes burn, you wipe them and lighten the mood. “And that Curry would be sad to see you so out of it at a game.” You click your teeth jokingly. “What do you think he would say if he saw you like that cause of a girl?”
He laughs, “I think he would understand, after I tell him how amazing you are.”
You blush. “I also wanted to tell you that your jersey smells like you, and I like it.” This makes him beam, speeding up his footsteps that carry him to you.
“Is that it?” He asks, jokingly.
“And that I love you, Zhong Chenle. Not the Zhong Chenle that I had a crush on for 3 years and not Number 22 but you. The rawest versions of you. I love all of it and that i forgive you for everything.” He slows his pace in shock, his chest heaving.
“You mean that?” His voice is wavering and you can see the flush on his cheeks from how close he has gotten. Suddenly, he is taking big steps until he is directly in front of you. He puts his phone down and his pretty eyes look directly into your own.
Chenle’s face is hopeful, happy and lovestruck. He whispers: “You love me?”
You can only nod, overwhelmed. Chenle smiles wide, you can almost see his molars and his eyes disappear. “Say it.” He says, in a wondrous tone.
“I love you, Zhong Chenle.”
“Oh my god, yes!”
And he’s kissing you, arms wrapping around you and pressing your body against his, his finger grip at the jersey on your body and he moves his lips against yours. Every memory that you have ever shared, every kiss, every touch, and every laughing fit come to your mind. It’s all you can think about as you think about this boy. You don’t think about the bad part, because that doesn’t matter anymore now that Chenle is yours and you are never letting go.
-
4 months later; Graduation
“Chenle! Come on!” Jisung yells as he sees the boys floppy newly dyed orange hair amongst the crowd of people.
You were all posed for a picture, blue cap and gowns adorning your bodies and your parents huddle you together for a picture. “I’m coming!”
Your boyfriend appears from the crowd with his cap in his hand along with a giant bouquet of flowers. He walks directly to you, extending it with a smile. “For you.”
Your friends start squealing, playful hitting you and Chenle and your parents smirk at each other at the portrayal of young love before them. You cover your face with your hands to hide your blush. Chenle laughs and hugs you to his side.
“Y/N! Chenle! Pose for the picture!”
The two of you run to where your other friends are posing, haphazardly getting into the frame and posing crazily.
The air is full of laughter and youth as the sun begins to set on your time in high school. For a moment, you’re too busy basking in the presence of the relationships you have developed while in there that you forget you won’t be seeing these people every day like you had been for so many years. Or that your lives might take completely different courses and things won’t be the same after this. Instead you allow yourself to enjoy this moment.
🏀
You do think about it when you are on your way home though, in the passenger’s seat of Chenle’s car. His hand holds yours over the gear and he smiles to himself while humming along to the songs on the radio, unaware of the internal conflict going on in your head.
It wasn’t until he parks outside your house that he realizes that something is wrong.
“What is going to happen to us now?” Is your reply to his questioning. Chenle’s eyebrows furrow.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean-“ you collect your thoughts, “high school is over, and we’re going to go to college and we will be so busy and what if-“
“Whatever you think will happen, won’t happen.”
You look at him, offended that he could dismiss your worries so easily. “You don’t un-“
“I do understand. You’re worried that now that we won’t see each other every day that we’re going to drift apart, right? And that we won’t be together, am I right?”
You nod silently.
“Y/N, how many times am I going to tell you that I’m crazy in love with you? I won’t let you slip out of my hands, baby. Not again.” Chenle says firmly, sincerely. His eyes widen so you can see right through him and know he is telling the truth.
His pale hands come up to cup the sides of your face, making you face him. Your tear filled eyes meet his own. He brushes away your tear that rolls down your cheek. “I’m sorry, I was just overthinking.” You say.
“Don’t be sorry.” Chenle shakes his head, leaning forward to kiss your cheek lovingly, letting it linger for a few seconds before pulling back. Smiling upon seeing your smiling face.
It happens in a flash, now that the moment was right. Chenle gasps, starling you. “What?! What’s wrong?!”
“I love this song!” And he’s turning it up all the way on the car radio, rolling down the windows and stepping out. “Come on, Y/N!”
You don’t let him see the pure happiness on your face that you wanted to mask with annoyance. Chenle dances on the sidewalk crazily and you laugh in the passenger’s seat. You decide it was best to not let your boyfriend embarrass himself alone, wiping the excess of your tears and step out of the car. “M’lady has arrived to the dance party!” He exclaims.
And as you start dancing wildly together, the sun begins to set causing a golden hue to fall over your features. Anyone watching the scene could either think that you’re crazy or they will see what is really there: split aparts that have finally found one another.
Chenle thinks so too, he stops dancing for a bit to catch his breath and just watches you. He remembers the pain it took to make you his, how much you both cried and the beginning of the relationship was far from ideal. But there is no doubt in his mind that there are not enough glow in the dark ceiling stars in this world that will amount to the love he harbors for you in his chest. He was so happy that he had met his split apart, he couldn’t thank the universe enough.
This when he reaches forward and spins you around to face him. His chest against your own, you feel the rumble of his words from his chest when he says: “I’m so glad I found you.” And then he is kissing you, and the ground seems to melt away from your feet. You’re floating hundreds of feet in air and forget to take a view of your neighborhood from up here because Chenle is all you can think about. Because he makes you feel this way. You whisper in between kisses, he smiles knowingly, he feels it too.
“We.
Are.
Off.
Our.
Feet.”
#chenle#zhong chenle#nct dream#nct scenarios#nct dream scenarios#nct#nct 127#nct 127 scenarios#wayv#wayv scenarios#nct imagines#nct fanfiction#nct fluff#nct angst#nct chenle#nct dream chenle#nct dream fanfiction#nct taeyong#nct mark#nct yuta#kpop fanfiction#kpop scenarios#kpop angst#nct smut#8 letter#nct jisung#jisung park
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Sara doing all mushy things - like having Ava as her phone’s background, how she saved Ava’s contact info, being soft when Ava gives her something, etc- and the Legends founding out and teasing her
thank you for the ask n hope you enjoy!
-ok so sara definitely has a picture of her n ava set as her phone's background. it's one of her favorite pictures of them bc they're both just so purely n unapologetically happy and in love. they got it from gideon as like,, a sort of gift or smth (y'know,, bc gideon monitors pretty much everything on the ship n she definitely ships avalance and she is also definitely not above taking pics when they're being super soft with each other lmao). it never fails to make sara smile every time she looks at her phone
-ok so i think sara's contact name for ava would either just be like,,, ava or aves with like,, hearts around it (probably like,, "❤ava❤" or like "aves <3" or smth like that) or she would have ava in her contacts as like,,, "babe"/"babes"/"my love" or just smth like,,, sweet n cute but simple. (ava's contact name for sara is Definitely "peter pan", probably with some sort of heart after it)
-sara gets literal heart eyes whenever ava gets really excited about something and she'll just sit and listen to ava ramble about w/e it is for h o u r s if they have the time. she also gets heart eyes whenever ava gives her anything. the only exception to that is when ava gives her like,,, a sword or a knife or smth bc then she's too distracted n excited by the shiny new weapon lol
-whenever ava runs her fingers through sara's hair, sara just absolutely m e l t s and loses pretty much any sort of tension in her body. she pretty much just like,,, fully relaxes n if she happens to be standing up when ava does it then she'll just like,,, completely fall into ava's arms bc it feels so good n it makes her feel so safe n after so long it's just like,, her body's natural instinct to just,,, melt n completed relax whenever ava runs her fingers through sara's hair
-she gets super cuddly n clingy when she's sleepy so if it's like,,, after a mission n she's exhausted, as soon as she physically can be, she's wrapped up in ava's arms to just,, relax and decompress. more than once the rest of the team has caught them in the bridge or captain's office or smth just like,,, standing up n hugging each other real tight while sara's practically already half asleep lmao
-the legends know 100% that their captain is Whipped and just,,, so in love with ava. they tease her all the time about it,, she mostly just smiles n rolls her eyes while a light blush covers her cheeks bc she can't even try to deny it lol
-it's great though bc ava brings out a side of sara that's just,,, so soft,, that the legends hadn't really previously seen before,, at least,,, not in any sort of capacity as what ava brings out in her. so they get to witness it occasionally, where their badass captain who knows like 10 different ways to kill someone with a stick and who's been through so much more than most people could ever dream of,, just becomes super soft and happy and like,, sheds all the weight off her shoulders for once, and as much as they like to tease her about how whipped she is, they also think it's really beautiful, how ava brings out that side of her
-but,, yknow,,, they a r e the legends, so no matter how beautiful they find it,,, sara is in no way getting off the hook without the legends teasing her so,, yknow,, they have fun
-they literally find anything and everything to tease her about, especially bc as sara n ava have grown (both together as a couple n individually) and gotten more comfortable, they've become a lot softer with each other in the presence of the rest of the team, so the legends aren't ever short of anything to tease sara about lol
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Going Out Of My Mind In My Mind
Requested fic by anon. (If you have any fic ideas or requests you'd like me to write, you can leave me an ask!)
Book: My First Two Loves
Pairing: Ava Lawrence x MC (Emma Price)
Genre: Fluff but make it angsty
Rating: PG13
Warning: Mild homophobic comments
Word Count: 3,611
A/N: Ava is in love with her best friend. She gets lost in her own thoughts while contemplating if she should reach out to MC. Firstly, I wanna say I’m so sorry to the anon that requested this if they wanted a more light-hearted fluff fic lmfao. If you did, please send me another ask lol. Secondly, I wanna apologise to my fellow wlw for including a little homophobia. It’s not that harsh or mean, but it’s there. I thought including it would better portray a realistic encounter of what it’s like to be a wlw accepting her sexuality and exploring her feelings.
Tag list: @ineedskyecrandall @kamilahsayeet2063 @avalawrencefl @lovekamilahsayeed @thequeenkamilahsayeed @heygmicheelle @djtjsmith14 @jjlover01 @soft-for-drake @dopeyouth @alexroyard @satrinadia @toalltheboysididntlove @mypegasifly @queen-arabella-of-cordonia (lmk if anyone would like to be included or removed in my next fics and if you only want to be tagged for certain pairings.)
The first time I realised I was in love with my best friend was... well, I'm not sure if I'm being honest.
But damn, if that's not the most generic, cliché plot ever for every sapphic film and story ever, I'm not sure what is. However, there was always some truth to fiction and I was no exception.
That was my life. Generic and cliché. Popular high school captain of the cheerleaders who lived in the suburbs and came from a middle-class family that has dated the school's famous golden-boy quarterback.
For far too long, everything was normal. Too normal. Painfully normal.
That is, of course, until I started realising I had feelings for my best friend that was very much into guys. As I've mentioned, I couldn't pint-point an exact date or incident but like a hurricane, it was sudden even though there were warnings signs and it was just as destructive, uprooting and destroying everything I thought I once knew, a force to be reckoned with.
It was utter chaos in a seeming perfect picture but for the first time in my life, I felt alive.
Emma Price was my hurricane. Whether that was a good or bad thing, that was up for debate. All I knew was that I wanted her in my life and didn't care if it wasn't the best idea or if it would hurt me. I just wanted her to be with me.
I think that's the funniest thing about finally having a genuine, heart-wrenching, crush on someone. Even the smartest people get dumb, the most cautious are reckless and the logical becomes irrational. Everything that made sense doesn't anymore because why the hell are you doing things you normally wouldn't do for someone that doesn't even like you back?
I learnt that first-hand and I wished someone would've warned me before that. Not like I would've believed it but at least it would be playing at the back of my mind. An echo in the distance, a nagging voice.
I did the stupidest stuff once I was certain I was in love with Emma. I knew I was in love with her but I was in denial and did things I regretted. Dating other people, trying to make her jealous, downplaying my feelings when I saw her with Mason or Noah. Pushing her away and avoiding her instead of talking to her...
It's different, falling for your best friend. Feelings and signals are mixed, emotions are at a high and everything is just one confusing mess of a relationship that was once simple and innocent.
And now, here I was, laying on my bed, staring at my phone as if it would magically tell me the right thing to do if I looked long enough. It didn't, of course. I sighed, wondering if I should shoot Emma a text. It's been some time since we just talked for fun and I missed her sorely.
Procrastinating, I swiped through my home page. My eyes caught sight of a certain app that I opened ever so often whenever I was missing my best friend.
~*~*~
"Come on! Just download it!"
I scrunched my nose up. "Give me one good reason why."
"Because you’re the best friend in the whole world and you'll do anything I say because you love me?" she said jokingly while batting her eyelashes at me but my heart started racing.
I was acutely aware of her hand on my thigh and the way she leaned into me. My breath hitched at her nearness even though we've been closer before.
That was something else about having a crush on your best friend. Suddenly, everything felt like too much. Every word, every touch, every damn single thing was overwhelming and honestly? It was exhausting. Not only is it emotionally tiring, you go into this weird phase of wanting to savour everything they do and you can't help but wonder why you didn't appreciate these small moments before. You can't help but feel as if you've wasted them all.
If she could sense me stiffen, she didn't show it 'cuz she just went on. "Also, it's about a cartoon cat that eats to save the world! What's not to love?"
"That sounds ridiculous, Em," I laughed. "What's the game called?"
"Dopey Cat!"
"Oh god," I groaned. "That makes it sounds much worse."
"Or much better!" She nudged me and I felt a jolt go up my arm. I always wondered if these simple touches felt the same to her. "Do it"
"Alright, alright!" I giggled and surrendered. "Only 'cuz I'm such a great friend."
"Yes! And like I said," Emma leaned in and my heart dropped to my stomach. "The best."
She gave me a slow, soft peck on my cheek and rested her head on my shoulder, clinging onto my arm and leaving me a flustered mess.
~*~*~
I thought about that moment often. More often then I'd like to admit. Every time I did, the same thoughts would always come to mind.
What would've happened if I kiss her? What if I just turned my head right before her lips touched my skin? Would she have kissed me back? Would she push me away? Maybe she'd say she felt the same way about me.
But that didn't happen, so all I could do was wonder.
And wonder I did.
Being in my room like this, doing nothing, it really did make my mind go everywhere. I've dreamed and cried and laughed and screamed and doing nothing was suddenly the most taxing thing I've ever done. Doing nothing when you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back was the most dangerous thing 'cuz they’re already always on your mind but when you're doing nothing, your thoughts just spirals down an endless pit of possibilities that'll never happen and ultimately, you get hurt.
But knowing this, I still let my thoughts spiral anyway. How could I not when the joy and peace I got from imaging a world where her and I were together was worth the pain and heartbreak?
'Cuz figment of my imagination or reality, it didn't matter, she was worth it.
I've imagine us on dates, having picnics, watching movies, going on road trips, sleeping over, laughing over nothing, at the park, at the beach, in a field, in our rooms.
I've thought about us dancing in the living room at 12 a.m., huddled in bundles of blankets on a cold night, singing along to our song while making breakfast, staying up under the night sky and talking about everything and nothing until sunrise, being able to introduce her as my girlfriend and kissing her whenever I felt like.
I've dreamt about us so much as a couple that I've accidentally mistaken reality for fiction but like I've said, there's always some truth to fiction.
~*~*~
"Congrats on being co-captains, guys!" Iris wished us enthusiastically, practically jumping up and down.
"Seriously, you guys totally deserve it," Toni agreed.
"Thank you!" Emma said.
"You two are the best duo! Our cheer squad is gonna rule with you both leading us!"
"Thanks," I said and pulled Emma in for a side hug, feeling goosebumps from the contact. "We do make a pretty great couple."
I immediately froze when I realised what I said and mentally kicked myself.
God, that was so stupid! Why was I so careless? I should watch what I say!
That wasn't the first time I've done it and I was sure it wasn't the last, but just like how Emma was always the only one to mess up my constant, she was the one difference between all the other times and this time.
She had never heard me refer to ourselves as a couple but while I was beating myself up, Emma handled the situation coolly. She slid her hand in mine and squeezed which did nothing to calm my wrecked nerves.
"We definitely sure would! She the sweetest, more caring person in the world and I'd be so lucky to call her mine." She leaned into me and gave me a nudge but all I could do was stare at her, eyes wide and brows raised.
Her deep brown eyes locked onto mine and I swear I could feel the spark between our gaze. And what was that I saw in her eyes? Longing? A hint? I wasn't sure but I could've sworn there was something else I couldn't quite decipher. Then again, I didn't really trust my thoughts. If it could make me believe we were actually a couple, why would I ever trust it in this situation? How could I?
I'm not sure how long we were staring at each other 'cuz to me, it felt timeless. We only broke apart when we heard someone making a retching sound.
"Gross! Go get a room," Lauren said as she walked towards us. "No one wants to see two lesbos in action."
I felt her hand fall out of mine and suddenly, I felt very vulnerable.
"You don't have to be rude!" Iris defended.
"Yeah, Lauren, no one asked," Toni agreed.
Emma spoke up. "Go away, Lauren. No one wants you here." She said it in an almost tired manner. She was done with putting up with her and it showed.
"Aw, protecting your lesbian lover? Cute," Lauren rolled her eyes and walked away. "Whatever, later, losers!"
"Don't listen to her," Toni said after Lauren left.
But how could I not?
"Hey, Ava?"
I could hear the sweet voice of best friend calling out to me but it was distant.
Everything was. I didn't feel like I was in my body. All my senses were numb and I felt nothing. Nothing except the raging white heat within me. I was having an out of body experience in the worst way possible and for a moment, I didn't feel human.
~*~*~
Then Ava was definitely different from Now Ava. Then Ava wanted to cry and run as far as she could. But she couldn't. She was paralysed with fear and embarrassment. Now Ava would've just laughed and called Lauren pathetic. Maybe even give her a nice slap across the face if she felt like it. But Now Ava wasn't Then Ava, so why dwell on the past?
The thing is, I didn't want to. But like that dull throb at the back of your skull after a concussion, I just couldn't ignore it. You tell everyone you're fine, and for the most part, you are. But that annoying sensation, constantly reminding you aren't, that you just couldn't forget. That was that moment with Lauren.
Her words played in my mind on repeat for the first week after hearing it. Months later that voice was softer and less frequent, but it was still there.
A lot happened in those months. The biggest of all? I finally accepted that I was gay. No, not gay, a lesbian.
That word Lauren had spoken with a jeer, the word she used to insult me, the word that was meant to humiliate me, I was that word.
That wasn't the only time I heard it used that way but it was the first time it was used against me. Lauren's words was a constant reminder in my mind that being a lesbian was an embarrassment, that I was an embarrassment.
Then Ava would feel a chill run up her spine when she heard that word even though it wasn't directed to her. And when it finally was, her soul left her body but of course, that would've been too easy. Her soul leaving her body would've been the easy way out. So instead, she was forced back into reality and had to find a way to deal with it.
Now Ava knew it wasn't a bad thing. Of course she did, she was one, after all. So why did Lauren's words still haunt her?
I still had to remind myself that it was okay. It wasn't gross or immoral or whatever nonsense they put into my mind about girls liking other girls. And every time I did, the madder I got. At everyone that has ever said anything about it and at myself.
Because how dare they tell me how to feel?
And how dare I listen to them when I knew it wasn't true?
I was at peace with it now. I was at peace with being a lesbian. But being at peace wasn't the same as embracing it, owning it. And I'm not sure if I ever will, but I hope I do.
I wasn't out to anyone, and god, I've never felt so suffocated in my life. I couldn't even tell Emma 'cuz I was afraid of how she'd react. Or worse, that she'd assume I have a crush on her. And the worst part, that it was true. That I couldn't even deny it.
Not being able to tell your best friend whom you've always told everything to made me feel like shit. It ate away at me every time I was near her and whenever we were talking. I always wanted to bring it up but I never found out how. Maybe I will soon, but not now.
Emma had always been understanding. Even when she didn't get it, she would try. She wasn't quick to judge nor did she so easily jump to conclusions but I couldn't help but think that maybe, she wouldn't be so understanding. 'Cuz that's what you do when you overthink. You worry about things that you shouldn't and you create false scenarios and you just, can't, stop.
Which was exactly what I was doing right now.
I sighed, catching myself before I could spiral any further and rolled onto my side, staring out of the window with my phone abandoned on the bed.
It started drizzling and it was getting pretty cold. I moved to get under my comforter and wrapped the sheets around me.
And once again, I closed my eyes as my mind began to wander.
If only Emma was by my side...
~*~*~
"Oh my god! Ava! Stop!" she would giggle as I showered her in kisses.
"Nu-uh!" I'd respond and wrap her up in my arms, still kissing her wherever I could reach as we rolled around on my bed, playing.
She'd try to escape but since I'm stronger than her, it's useless. She's trapped in my embrace and eventually, she'd give in and hug me back.
We'd laughed about silly inside jokes as we let our hands linger over each other's bodies, not wanting to let go.
I'd pull her tight and she'd rest her head against my chest as the rain outside got heavier.
I'd shower her in compliments and she'd blush. We'd talk about life, our hopes and dreams and ambitions. Our plans and future together.
"Would you still be with me?" I'd ask her.
"Forever and always, baby," she'd reply and give me a reassuring kiss.
We'd waste away the rest of the day together and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
~*~*~
But that was just fantasy. She's not here and I'm not ready. Not ready to come out to Emma, let alone confront her about my feelings for her.
I took a deep breath before opening my eyes, as if I were physically preparing myself to come back to reality. I glanced at my phone screen that was opened at her chat. I picked my phone up and got ready to type but I hesitated.
Should I do this?
I didn't have much of a choice though, 'cuz my phone rang and lo and behold, my best friend, my crush, the girl I fell in love with, appeared as the caller ID.
My heart sank but my stomach filled with butterflies. This conflicting emotion wasn't a rare occurrence ever since I fell for my best friend but that didn't mean I was used to it. Fear and excitement coexisted where it shouldn't which only left me with a familiar uneasy feeling.
I only stopped for a moment before hitting the 'accept call' button.
"Hi!" I heard that cheery voice of hers ring from the other side of the phone and I could feel my insides warm.
Hey, yourself." I smiled. "What's up, Em?"
"Nothing much, I just feel like we haven't talked that much." She paused for a while before adding shyly, "And I miss you."
The warmth spread to my cheeks. "I really missed you too."
I heard her giggle and god, was it the most adorable sound ever. "Good to know. What have you been up to?"
Figuring out my sexuality and pining over you.
"Nothing much, just the usual." Liar. "What about you?"
"Just been thinking about you," she said casually and my heart fluttered.
I cleared my throat. "Any interesting stories lately?"
I heard another heavenly laugh. "Too many!"
She jumped right into it, not stopping once and honestly, I never wanted her to. Her voice in my ear was a comfort and I held onto it for as long as I could.
We talked and laughed for hours and I didn't even notice until I glanced at the clock on my wall. Time passed too quickly whenever I was with her, I always felt like it wasn't enough. It never was.
But then again, an infinite lifetime with her would still feel too short.
"And then, Mack ran out of the house with our dad chasing her in only his towel and shower cap with his back scrubber!" she laughed unrestrained, not holding it back and lighting up the entire world with it.
"Oh my god!" I laughed along with her. "How did she even pull that off? I can't believe I missed that!"
"See? This is why you should come over more often!"
I didn't know how to respond but it was fine because she started speaking again.
"Wow, I didn't realise the time! I should probably head to bed."
"Yeah, me too," feeling disappointed that she was gonna hang up soon even though I let out a yawn. "But I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"
"For sure! Good night, Ava."
"Night, Em."
"..."
"..."
"Are you still there?" she asked me.
"Uh, yeah?" I replied. "Put down the phone."
"No, you!" She giggled.
I smiled from hearing it. "You!"
"Ugh, fine! Bye."
"Okay, bye bye."
"..."
"..."
"Hello?"
"Emma," I breath out in a light chuckle. "Go sleep."
"Okay! Okay, for good this time, bye."
"Bye," I laughed and before I could stop myself, I added, "I love you."
And I shot up, frozen in place. It wasn't what I say, it was the way I did. Soft and vulnerable and definitely not just a friend proclaiming her platonic love to her best friend.
I heard Emma suck in a sharp breath as if she caught onto it too, and the line went dead silent.
"Ava-"
I heard her whisper but I pulled my phone away from me as if it was poison eating away at my flesh and hit the 'end call' button, tossing it beside me. I didn't hear her finish her sentence and I wasn't sure if I could handle it if I did.
Shit!
I hit my palm against my face and slid it down, groaning. How was I gonna face her tomorrow?
Just then, I heard my phone go off. The ringtone I had set just for Emma played and I swear I felt my heart stop.
Nervously, I glanced down at my phone to see the notification that popped up.
'I love you too <3'
Warmth spread through my body and I let out an involuntary grin. I fell back onto the bed with my arm covering across my face.
I glanced back at the message and made a high-pitched squeal that I never in a million years thought would come out of my mouth. Leave it to Emma to make me do things I normally wouldn't.
My heart raced in my chest.
She may not have meant it the way I have but it didn't matter because hearing her tell me she loved me was all I needed.
That was another thing about having a crush on your best friend; the I love you's were up for interpretation.
I placed the phone on my chest and let my arms sprawl out on the bed. Whatever sleepiness I had left my body, there was no way I could go to bed now.
So instead, I let my mind roam but this time, willingly. I let my thoughts free fall through a million different possibilities as the night turned to day.
I watched the sun rise.
And I smiled.
Because falling in love with my best friend was messy and complicated and heart-shattering. But it was also full of excitement and exhilaration and anticipation.
It was rollercoaster of emotions, full of ups and downs and twist and turns and even loops, but that's what made it thrilling. And for the first time in my normal life, I had something to keep me on my toes.
And I wouldn't have changed a thing.
Was my best friend also in love with me? I didn't know. Would I ever know? Maybe, maybe not. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little curious to know how she feels, be it good or bad. Maybe someday I'll ask her. Maybe I'll get to hold her. Maybe she'll never speak to me again.
But until then, all I had were the stories I've made up in my mind.
(More fics!)
#ava lawrence#ava x mc#ava mtfl#mtfl#my two first loves#mtfl choices#choices#choices: stories you play#pb#pixelberry#playchoices#mtfl fanfiction#choices fanfiction#thanks for reading!
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A Beast Within | Part Two
Who: Qhuinn, Jason, Ciaran, Ava, and Quinten
What: After attacking Jason, Qhuinn runs off, prompting Ciaran to call for Quinten. The angel arrives and they take Jason back to his home, after which Ciaran leaves for help, finding Ava. Qhuinn joins them on the way back to Quinten’s, where they all keep a vigil as Ava bites Jason, saving his life.
When: Roughly two weeks ago, give or take lol.
Where: Qhuinn’s territory, the woods, and Quinten’s home.
TW: Violence, blood, death mentions.
@professor-shaw @professorxwolf @ava-montgomery @quinten-sawyer
Ava: Ava was feeling more restless then usual. With Delseneca’s lessons on getting in touch with her dark side, there was a part of the she-wolf that found it hard to keep to herself this time of night. The moon was out, and she was in full fledged wolf mode. She heard Ciaran’s call, and the largest part of her couldn’t ignore it. So, she began to look for him, returning the call. ‘I’m on my way...I can help.’ When she reached him, she paused, before slowly making her way up to him. ‘What’s going on?’ She asked him, sitting in front of him.
Ciaran and Qhuinn: ‘Thank fuck’ Ciaran breathed out, when his call was answered. He stayed put, as hard as it was, so that the other wolf could easily find him. Restless, dancing from one paw to another as his mind also listened for any signs from Quinten trying to contact him. When the she-wolf finally made her way to him, midnight eyes regarded her as he tried to place the voice and scent. Ava, if he wasn’t mistaken. A friend of Qhuinn’s, owner of the pet shop that he frequented quite often. Someone they knew..even better. It was as if Quinten was still working his magic and answering their prayers. He gave the woman a swift nod in greeting then got right down to business. There wasn’t time for pleasantries, but he did want Ava to know exactly what she was getting into.
‘Jason’s hurt. He was attacked..by Qhuinn. And he’s dyin’ Ava.’ Goddamn it.. He didn’t know which it hurt more to say.. Swallowing past the lump in his throat, he continued. Not mincing words. ‘She bit him. And Quinten’s tryin’ but his grace ain’t enough. It’s keepin’ him alive, but we don’t know for how much longer. We..both know what needs to be done. If ya do this, and if it works..you’ll be a maker. If that’s somethin’ you’re willin’ to do, then follow me. We ain’t got much time. If ya can’t do this I won’t judge ya, but for the love of fuck at least tell me of someone else who can. Aye?’ And with that he was off, racing towards Quinten’s. He would know if she followed. And if she didn’t? Well, she knew how to communicate with him. Ava was a good egg though, and he expected she would be right on his feels. What he hadn’t expected though was the white blur that intercepted them. Though really, he supposed she would have. ‘Qhuinn.. Where the fuck have ya been? Never mind, c’mon. I found Ava’
Qhuinn hadn’t gone far. At least not at first. She had tried, but before long she found herself back at Quinten’s house. Unsure of her welcome, she hadn’t gone inside, instead laying outside of the window of his office. Head in her paws as she listened to Jason’s labored breathing, Quinten’s gentle words of assurance. They all knew the truth though: he was dying, and it was all her fault. She had allowed herself to get to this point, and now..she had killed one of the people that she loved the most in the world. Where there had once been anger there was now fear, and a grief as deep as anything she had been feeling over the last few months. If he died..how could she go on? How could live with herself? And without him? Head resting to her paws, tears flowing like rain, Qhuinn simply laid in the dirt, sending up a prayer to whoever happened to be listening. Take her instead. She was a killer..she deserved it.
A noise shook Qhuinn from her thoughts and she looked up, seeing Ciaran streak past into the woods. Had he found someone? Leaping to her feet, she started to follow him, then stopped. It was as if she physically couldn’t be far from Jason. At least she didn’t have long to wait, as not long after Ciaran raced towards her with Ava in tow. ‘Is she..are you going to..’ She started, then shook her head. There was no time to explain; they all knew what was going to happen. Giving Ava a look of gratitude, she shook out her snowing fur and lead the pair into her boyfriend’s home. ‘Quint! He found Ava!’
Quinten: Quinten had never imagined that this day would come...at least this soon and this way. It wasn't beyond him that he would outlive...everyone he knew right now. Even his darling Qhuinn. However, seeing Jace laying there, writhing in pain and already convinced he was going to die was worse than he could even imagine. He was grateful that Ciaran had gone out to find someone that could help. He could keep him alive for a decent amount of time but if he couldn't get rid of the poison than it would only prolong the inevitable. Could he let him die and then revive him? Would the poison remain coursing through his veins if he did? He had never had to revive someone who had been poisoned- let alone by anything like what was coursing through is best friend's name. He sat by Jason's side, trying to keep him alive, pouring his everything out into Jace. He knew he had vials of grace set aside for emergencies and he knew that he could probably give the other man his blood, but in the end he needed more. The reality was healing wasn't enough. He could keep healing but there was a change that was needed. Maybe he could try dialysis? He considered biting his lip, he was just beginning to bow his head to pray to his brothers and sisters, thinking perhaps they would heed his call, when three wolves burst into his house. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen- especially when he noted that one of the wolves was Qhuinn. "Oh thank Father." He murmured when he heard that Ciaran had found Ava. He knew she was a wolf- they had a solution...he just hoped that Jace could live with it. "I'll bring him up to the guest room. There's more room in there for everyone." He said, knowing that his home medical office was not built for three full grown wolves and two grown men. "Just...let me know what else I can do." He said, concentrating on the room, trying his best to make it a soft landing and listening as the wolves scampered up the stairs.
Jason: After countless hours of endless agony and having everyone else he cared about fight for him, it would seem by the way his breath hitched, that Jason was finally coming back to...just not with a start this time…and not completely. His limbs were too weak, his heartbeat far too faint...and, in many ways, he may have even been persuaded to think he was dreaming...but still, his eyes fluttered again, fingers gripping around the sheets in a frenzy as he felt his stomach begin to twist and warp along with the room, rushing around him in a synonymous blur as he cast a look upward. Fuck, he was going to be sick again, wasn’t he? It all felt too surreal: the sounds, the blinding brightness invading the otherwise dim room through those goddamn curtains…he almost wished he could stop it altogether...but the two hands aiding him into a sitting up position quickly gave him something else to do with himself…
The first thing Shaw ever saw was Quinten’s worried and almost defeated look, willing him to stay with them, and then, just over his shoulder…wolves. A dark furred one and… it was practically a gut reaction, but the second his eyes landed on the white fur, Jace was at once invaded by a surge of memories all rushing back to him, going so far as to even draw back at the sight, turning to try and grasp at the angel’s lab coat instead in a panic that was very much unlike him. “No..no…get them..get them away from me..” he began stuttering, “What is goin’ on..? What…where am I?”
Ava: Ava had never considered becoming a maker before. She was a born wolf, and she had learned early on, how to control her urges and her inner self, but she was by no means perfect. And, as of late, that was often easier said than done. Could she handle the responsibility? At the end of the day, that didn’t matter. This was Jace, and she knew there was no way she could let him die. She cared about him, and Qhuinn was her best friend. There really wasn’t an option, here. She knew what needed to be done. “I’ll do it,” she replied, nodding and taking off after him. As they ran, and Qhuinn appeared, she gave her a knowing nod. There was no judgment. Her friend was clearly in need of help, and what mattered now, was making sure none of them loses Jace in the process. They could talk about everything else later. As they made their way up the stairs, her heart was racing. She didn’t want to screw this up. She’s never done this before, and her ears flipped back a little, when she saw her friend. He looked terrible, and she knew she was doing the right thing. She just hoped he could forgive her when it was all over. “Jason…” she pushed her way to the front, but didn’t approach him too quickly just yet. “It’s going to be okay. It’s me. It’s Ava.” She looked over at the other wolves for reassurance, stepping closer to him. “I just have to…” she looked over at him, then back at them. “If any of you need to look away or leave, I understand. I’ll do it.”
Ciaran: Ciaran knew without looking back that Ava would do it. He may not have known much about the woman, but enough to feel the strong moral character that she possessed. Like himself, and Qhuinn, Quinten, and Jason, she would never turn her back on a friend in need. ‘Aye..ya a good girl Ava. I may not know shit about bein’ a maker myself, but I ain’t just gonna leave ya alone in this. None of us will. We’re all in the together now’ He assured the woman as they raced to Quinten’s. Once inside, the three of them crowded into the angel’s cozy home, with him trying as hard as he could to not get his far larger frame in the way. There was no fucking way he was going to be put outside like a dog; lingering in the doorway was the best he could offer. ‘I’m stayin’ right here. It’s gonna be good Jason, I promise. Ya gotta trust us. Ya know that we would never do wrong by ya’ Ciaran assured his friend, navy eyes sure and steady on Shaw’s, as he curved his body protectively around Qhuinn’s when the white wolf came to stand at his side.
Qhuinn: Never one to be very graceful, even in her wolf form, Qhuinn tripped and stumbled her way upstairs. Unable to get to Jason fast enough. It was going to be okay, they could do this. Ava could do this. She and Ciaran were literal living proof that one could survive the bite of a wolf, and god knew that Jason was just as strong. It would take time but he would survive this. Even if it was without her. The small wolf skidded to a stop outside of the bedroom door, tears welling in her icy eyes once again at her best friend’s demands. Of course he was terrified of her, she had expected nothing less. But it still cut deep into her heart to hear those words. She would keep her distance though, for as long as he needed. Those eyes turned pleading as she turned to Quinten and Ava in turn, silently begging for them to save their Jason. She then turned and joined Ciaran in the doorway, leaning against the large strong wolf. ‘I’m here too. I’m sorry Jason..I’m so sorry.. Please save him…’
Jason: Jason heard their voices in the back of his mind, soft and each more concerned than the last, but nothing squashed the terror in his heart..or in his eyes, which didn't dare to look away. All he saw were the looming figures of the thing that attacked him..a monster now in his eyes as he made less and less sense of things.. It might have been the extreme agony or the nightmares he had been having in and out of consciousness all night, but this..wasn't Shaw anymore. Not even close. Scooting further back, he tried pulling the tubes off his hand and huffed, blinking it all away.. "Do what..? Quinten!?What's...what is she goin' to do.." he shook his head yet again amidst ragged breaths, "..I can't do this...n-n-ot again..please...please..." They would have to hold him down if they ever wanted to get through with this..perhaps even rob him of his consciousness again, but this Jason was having none of this..
Quinten: Quinten was relieved when he managed to get Jace in the bed without jarring him because really that was like the last thing that he wanted. He could hear the wolves making their way up the stairs and he was more than relieved he had found a way to have Dhani be out of the house. What he wasn't expecting was the sheer panic that overcame Jace when the wolves appeared in the doorway- especially Qhuinn. That was going to hurt her and there was no way to get around that but he had to triage things and right now Jason's life was the most important. "Jace, it's okay. You're safe here with me." He answered, trying to do his best to reassure him. He was the only other non-wolf there- and the person who would never let anyone get hurt. He felt like he could breathe slightly when he heard that Ava was going to do it. He was incredibly appreciative that she was stepping up to do it. He knew that it was not a light decision to make to be someone's maker. Ava came forward, giving everyone the chance to leave. They all agreed to stay- though there was some fear on his part since he had no idea what this process was going to look like. His heart twisted when Jace back away, scared and pleading. "Jason. Listen to me. I can keep you stable but we need to save your life. This means that Ava will have to change you. I know that it's a lot. I know it's scary. I know that this isn't something you wanted...but your life depends on this. Everyone in this room cares about you and will make sure that you'll get through this. I'll sedate you if you want but...this has to happen."
Ava: Ava was actually pleased that she wasn’t left on her own to do this. It made her that much more sure that she was doing the right thing. She moved closer to Jace, nuzzling his hand gently with her muzzle, in some sort of reassurance. “I’m so sorry,” she told him. ”I hope you understand after this is done, that I did it to save you. It’s because I care about you.” She looked over her shoulder at the other wolves and Quinten one more time. She knew there was no time to waste, so she turned back to Jace, her golden eyes meeting his, before she did what she had to do. She placed a paw gently beside him, and for the first time ever, she bit a human. It was a strange feeling, letting that side of her go. She had done things she wasn’t proud of before, but this was different. She was saving a life. She was saving the life of a dear friend. This was one side of herself she was always worried about controlling, but her head was clear as she did it. She knew how to not go too far. How to do what she needed without letting in any sort of bloodlust. When she was done, she let go of him, but not budging from his side. She didn’t want to leave him. She didn’t want to ditch him. She felt a sense of responsibility coming over her. She needed to see this through. She needed to make sure he knew she was there for every part of this, now.
Jason: Jason tried to really listen to what Quinten said but ultimately, it all came down to the two hands pushing and holding him to the mattress, his eyes widening in utter shock when the she-wolf neared herself to him. He knew that it was going to happen..that it /had/ to happen, but his body betrayed him yet again..getting painfully tense as his forearm was exposed. His breathing hitched but when their eyes met, he nodded in spite of it and readied himself..for the bite, which had him screaming again, eyes tearing up in agony until..until he sunk back into that bed..feeling the new flow of energy curse up his arm. In a moment's breath, Shaw looked at Ava and closed his eyes..
Ciaran: Ciaran stood still and stoic and Qhuinn's side, the rock that he knew everyone expected him to be on the outside. Meanwhile, his insides were another story. Jason had to be okay, this had to work. There was just really no other option in his mind. Jason was a part of them all, and a huge part of the family that he had made for himself in the past two years. He couldn't imagine a life without him. Ava gave the bite, and he couldn't help but flinch, as memories of his own turning and the nightmare that it had been flashed through his mind. Holding his breath, he exchange hopeful looks with Qhuinn and Quinten, then focused on Shaw again. "Jason? Mate..can ya hear us?" He projected. Had the male closed his eyes in pain, or relief? Or was he....?
Qhuinn: If it hadn't been for the wolf bond and her empath powers flowing between them, Qhuinn would have though Ciaran was an impenetrable force. She felt that quiver though, and leaned into him more, giving and taking comfort and support. As two pairs of very scared and hopeful lupine eyes watched the pair on the bed. Qhuinn knew exactly what Ciaran had to be imagining when Ava's teeth sunk into Jason't flesh, because the same things flashed through her own mind. And as much as she tried to be as brave as the black wolf, a low whimper left her. She felt too much: Jason's pain and fear, the fear of everyone in the room, all of their hopes and prayers. Pinned on a single person in a single moment, but Ava took it all like the warrior that she was. And it was in that moment that Qhuinn knew things were going to be fine. 'It's okay..he's going to be okay' She whispered to Ciaran. Maybe it was blind hope, or just the refusal to go through a life without her best friend. But she hung on to that hope like a lifeline. 'Jason..we're all here honey. Just rest..you're going to be fine. We're not leaving you..ever' Her gaze went to all of them as well, her family, before resting on Quinten's with love and adoration. 'He is okay..right?'
Quinten: Quinten had absolutely no idea what this was going to be and what it was going to look like. He wasn't even entirely sure why Qhuinn's bite was poison but Ava's wasn't. He knew that after this he was going to have to do a ton more research- both for his and Jace's sake. His heart broke a little at the fear and hesitation that came from his best friend...but it was become a wolf or die and he knew none of them wanted to lose him. So, none of them moved and he held onto Jace's hand, sending more grace to try and soothe him as well as ease and pain that would come from the second bite.
He didn't seem to be able to help much, Jason still crying out from the bite. It hurt to see him in that pain but soon after the bite, the man let out a long slow breath and then shut his eyes and went slack. Quinten panicked for a moment, but he could feel that the other man was still together. "He's okay. He'll be out for awhile, I can feel his body changing and its taking all of his energy. I don't know how long he'll be out cause I don't know how long the change will take. I'm going to grab some supplies for him- IV fluids, water to sip, some bedding for you guys if you want. A vial of grace for myself to help things along as I can."
Qhuinn: Qhuinn nodded at Quinten's words, sagging lightly against Ciaran. She may not have remembered much from those first few moments and even hours after her bite, but the sheer bone exhaustion that she felt upon waking the next morning stuck in her mind. Jason needed that healing sleep..but she still couldn't leave his side. 'Okay, thank you baby. I'm staying here though' Working her way out from under Ciaran's protective grip, she nuzzled him lovingly then padded across the room. Ava was her first stop, a whispered 'thank you' projected to the other she-wolf as she nuzzled her as well. Then finally Qhuinn made her way to Quinten's side. She leaned against her beloved boyfriend for a long moment, soaking up his scent and his closeness. 'And thank you too. You both saved his life. Which is so much more than what I did..' Guilt swelling and overwhelming her, Qhuinn squeezed her eyes shut and stored up her strength. If Jason did see her when he woke, he didn't need to see her like this. 'Get some rest. I'll watch over him.' And with that, she dropped to the floor next to the bed, muzzle resting against her best friend's hand as she watched his chest rise and fall.
#a beast within#discord thread#head canon#professor-shaw#ava-montgomery#quinten-sawyer#tw: blood#tw: death mention#tw: violence
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Med Rewatch Series (#10)
S3 E10: Down By Law.
Episode Description: Dr. Manning sustains an injury while helping a drive-by victim and Dr. Rhodes finds himself in uncomfortable waters.
Connor being in ‘uncomfortable waters’? I can hear Ava bullying him already.
(also i wrote a little thing abt maggie giving ava a red bull so enjoy that little bit of content)
Let’s get into it.
-barry just yeeted natalie against a car holy shit that’s fucking hilarious
-will needs to chill the fuck out
-YESSSSS
-THIS WHERE CONNOR BRINGS THE WOMAN HE WENT OUT WITH UP FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. AND THEN AVA HARASSES HIM FOR IT.
-this is one of the most iconic ava moments. (it’s first thing that pops up under the tumblr tag)
-ava overhearing connor not knowing his date’s last name. and ava walking over, already getting ready to make fun of him. barely concealing her smile
-the confidence with which she set down the file. she was too prepared and too excited
-this could just turn into a list of ava quotes
-”It must be hard, remembering all their names.”
“You know I read Derek Jeter used to send his conquests home with a gift basket. But a full cardio work up is... It’s much classier.”
-ava bekker secret baseball fan?
-Connor: “Jeter? You a baseball fan?”
Ava: “Oh, no. It’s much too boring. But I love gossip.”
-interesting. very, interesting... is it weird to anyone else to think about ava liking gossip?
-like the idea is fun and all but i hate the idea of ava being suuuper obsessed with gossip. it makes her seem way too shallow in my book. that being said, one of my hcs about women gossiping about all the shit men do to ava bc they know she’ll call them on it now has a lot more precedence
-i know she explicitly says that baseball is boring but i can’t get the idea of ava being a secret baseball fan out of my head. its just so novel
-HER SHIT EATING GRIN
- Connor: “Well, we will get you in and out of here as quickly as possible.”
Ava: “That’s what Dr. Rhodes is renowned for around here. Quick in and outs.”
Connor: *turns to her condescendingly*
Ava: *two finger salute* “I’m Dr. Bekker, by the way.”
-the lesbian icon jumped out
-also the fact that in the previous episode Ava’s mentor did the exact same salute. idk what it means but it’s not that important
-ava trying to hide her smile when asking the woman if she wanted them to contact her husband
-ava overhearing again when latham tells connor the woman he was with was doing cocaine
-ava smirking when connor says that he thinks the heart attack was from his sex and not the cocaine
-connor thinking he’s so good at sex he’s going to give this woman a heart attack
-he really drives All the ladies wild in EveryWay (sex, suicide. he’s the whole package)
-latham asking connor point blank “did you partake in the cocaine?”
-the ct team gives connor so. much. shit. it’s so funny
-also. ava just chillin at her desk looking at scans? that’s the kind of content i want to see. just her just being there. doing her own thing. that’s what i want
-THE GUY WITH A TEENAGE WIFE IS A REVEREND HOLY SHIT
-counting down the minutes til natalie drops dead (passes out but yk a girl can dream lol)
-sarah. back at it again with her rayon jacket and button up and backpack. the coffee cup only adds to the aesthetic
-connor being surprised that latham isn’t gonna let him do surgery on the women he fucked (twice, he might add)
- whatever you do, don’t think of a brown bear. are you thinking about it?
-maggie dealing red bull to people who need it. that’s a very soft idea
- ex:
Dr. Bekker is sitting at the desk in the ED. Well, sleeping, more like it. Her head is resting on her fist, her elbow precariously close to slipping off the the chair armrest, and her eyes open by just a hair.
“Dr. Bekker.”
Ava jolts awake.
“Maggie,” Ava says, strong accent cutting through, acknowledging the person standing over her. Hastily, she adjusts her jacket and scrubs, smoothing them back into place.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this tired.”
Ava shrugs, seamlessly slipping back into easy confidence.
“Rough couple of cases. Nothing I can’t handle.”
“Uh huh,” Maggie says, unbelieving.
She sets a can of Red Bull on the desk with a knowing look.
“You need this more than anybody.”
Ava scoffs. “Those things? They are murder on your heart, come on.”
Maggie hums and walks away. Ava watches her leave, and when she’s out of sight, Ava darts forward, grabs the energy drink, immediately cracking it open and downing half of it.
- anyway.
- @punksarahreese that’s on you for making me believe ava loves energy drinks
- let’s continue
- sarah looking at charles telling her not to do something: I am not going to do a thing you said
- go off babe. it was the wrong decision but go off
- all the nurses watching this guy call nat a bitch: 👀 👀 👀 👀
- will being like: god that guy called you a bitch i fucking hate him
- and natalie being like: he is also refusing to let us treat the 14 yr olds cancer but you obviously have priorities
- sarah is so logical. she’s good at talking to people. can you FUCKING IMAGINE IF SHE HAD BETTER GUIDANCE (oh and less trauma)
- this is also the one with that hilarious screen cap of sarah holding a knife
- the way she is so calm about handing this patient a knife gives me anxiety
- THIS SCENE IS SO HARD TO WATCH IT SCARES ME SO MUCH
- sarah just in alone in a room with a man who keeps having visions of stabbing his wife. and her just handing him a fucking knife oh my god i have too much anxiety for this
- rewatching the series and getting completely confused bc norma is 5′7″ but she looks so short next to colin and the guy who plays latham
- AND RACHEL IS ALSO 5′ 7″ BUT THEY BOTH LOOK SO SHORT - WHY EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW SO TALL
- anyway. ignore that that’s not important
- I... the parallels btwn sarah offering this guy the ability to slit her throat (for therapy) and ava cutting her throat... i don’t know what to do with this information
- idk but sarah holding the knife got me feelin some type of way
- the way connor looks at ava with such contempt bc she... does her job (and his but yk) especially during the hug wtf dude honestly just stop looking at her
- this is also the episode where ava pawns off the patient’s hug onto connor. while yeah, it could ava just being annoying to connor by forcing him to hug his one night stand’s husband, but she did give connor due credit. (and something to be said about her being confused and a tad uncomfortable when the patient hugs her, which is why she pawns it off to rhodes)
- she also doesn’t hug the guy back, which is kind of funny, she never moves her arms and just shrugs out of it
- and like after the hug she takes a few steps away from the guy, really not wanting any more physical contact or attention
- there’s something interesting in ava’s expression when connor gets hugged by the guy, can’t quite explain it. i’m gonna go with it’s her trying to keep a straight face while connor hugs a man he just helped a woman cheat on, but that’s not all of it so
- or. okay, I think i got it. i think that that little expression when connor gets hugged is her rolling her eyes at him getting credit when ava did most of the heavy lifting. yes. final answer. i’m satisfied
- and her looking away from them is her stopping herself from laughing, bc connor is obviously not enjoying this
- and he’s so sad and angsty he can’t even play along with the jokes
- and ava smiling at him with pity as she walks in to talk to the patient, bc that’s really what it is. she feels bad for him bc connor is so obviously lonely
- and connor’s annoyed bc ‘dammit she does have a right to pity me i suck rn’
- med pushing the women are tough agenda LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP
- you hate your women characters so much just fucking shut your mouth
- and will being like ‘ i have a lot to learn about women not being objects’
- and nat saying ‘you are way further along than most’ like no, he’s not. the bar is on the ground and he still can’t jump it
- i’m pretty sure this show doesn’t pass the bechdel test. holy fucking shit it doesn’t. you’ve gotta be kidding me. (at least this episode doesn’t)
I can’t believe this episode didn’t pass the bechdel test. The only convo btwn two women were like maggie and sharon and they talk about barry and oh my god this is infuriating god med the bar is so low. And I’m pretty sure most episodes don’t pass the test anyway. Will is literally the representation of med. He gets lots of credit for doing bare minimum things like giving women rights.
Anyway.
This was a good episode. We dissected a lot of unspoken Ava things, which is very good. Ava had a lot of moments where she was there, but didn’t say anything, and when your characters can do that, that’s when you know your characterization is very good.
The moments where Ava isn’t really doing anything to forward the plot of the episode but she’s still just there, doing her own thing, are hands down my favorite. Her sitting at the desk looking at a scan while connor tells latham he didn’t do cocaine could possibly my favorite ava moment in the series, just bc it shows how much of her own character should could’ve been.
I drew an interesting parallel btwn sarah offering the guy to slit her throat and ava’s death. i have nothing for that but go wild
This episode also showed us Ava pitying Connor, another new aspect. she gives him shit but she also pities him. very good ep for little ava moments
as always, thanks for sticking through it
-
read the rest here:
Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra
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Breakfast with Desi
In today’s social media world, there are two types of art that, in the eyes of many, are oversaturated. In the city of Atlanta a phrase I’ve heard often, and have even used: “throw a rock in any direction and you’ll either hit a photographer or a SoundCloud rapper.” But while I was sitting there, scrolling through her Instagram, I felt nervous, because the woman that was about to sit down with me isn’t just any photographer. I was sitting down with Deseri Rice, one of the best photographers in Atlanta.
To me, Beyonce, Solange, Yara Shahidi, Zendaya, Janelle Monae, Ava DuVernay, Lupita, and Deseri Rice, are top of the list when I think of the phrase Black Girl Magic. Each of these women are trailblazers, visionaries, and undeniable talents. For anyone who ever modeled for Desi, the feeling of being in front of her camera is completely different from other shoots. Normally you’re focused on giving a look, or appearing to follow a certain aesthetic. Desi frees you from that, and is one of the few photographers who truly captures you as you are, as your truest self. After a friendly hug I decided to dive into some questions.
What got you into photography?
I’ve always been into the fashion ads in magazines and editing my profile pics for myspace. It wasn’t until my Intro to Photography class that I discovered it as my passion. After learning the controls I took it and ran with it.
How do you pick your people? Ever turn anybody down that got mad about it?
I feel as if everyone has their own uniqueness about them. It may not be as evident as some but I take it as a challenge. I haven’t really turn anyone away. If it’s not one of my concepts then it’s a paid gig and usually that filters out the ones I’m not creatively connected to. Honestly if my models are passionate about the project and really into it, it always works out. I will say I’ve had a few that aren’t on the same creative plane and I just let that dissolve on its own naturally. But I encourage everyone to find themselves in front of the camera.
Your tag is deseritheartist but every time I hear people talk about you they say “Desi The God”. Why not take that handle?
I’m honored of the title honestly. I don’t mind others calling me that but I rather not call myself a God for personal reasons. I played around with the spelling and still felt uneasy. Also I don’t want others that don’t know me the wrong impression of me calling myself that.
I honestly find this part fascinating. Myself included, ego has always played a major role in the world of entertainment, from the justified confidence of Grammy winners, to has beens like Bow Wow and his lies about private jets. The concept of “fake it ‘till you make it” and showing out for an audience has always seemed extremely important, but from what I can see, faking anything is beyond Desi. She’s real, she’s honest, and she’s kind. That’s a major breath of fresh air, one I think everyone who meets her appreciates. As usual, I start to lose focus after my strawberry pancakes arrive, so I went back to asking questions so I wouldn’t have to do much talking.
At what point in a shoot do you look and go “Oh shit, I did that!”? When do you know you’ve taken the perfect shot?
During photo sessions I get this high feeling like mid session after me and the sitter(s) have warmed up and I just let go. This feeling doesn’t happen every session which doesn’t mean those shots weren’t good but some of my best shots comes from that feeling. It’s like I’ve caught the photo holy ghost lol.That feeling man, I can't explain it. After i see the result from that feeling, that’s always my reaction. I really be in awe sometimes while editing, that’s when it hits me the most.
Top 3 models/celebrities you’d love to shoot?
There’s not many I follow. But i find Kiko Mizuhara, Luka Sabbat, and Kwollem style very intriguing. There’s more but definitely my top three.
Desi laughed when I passed on my idea that a collaboration between herself and Zendaya would probably snatch every wig in existence.
Top 3 magazines you’d love to do a cover shoot for?
There are a few that I’d like to work with like Blanc, MODZIK, and Pause Magazine. I’m actually working on my own, AU COURANT, be on the lookout.
Desi has recently announced that AU COURANT is still in development but a release date has not yet been chosen. Check her social media for updates on that via her instagram @deseritheartist
Cosmo? Essence? Or Vogue?
It would be cool to have a spread in all of these.
For your IG followers, your story is always lit. Seems like you always find the dope events and shows. In Atlanta there’s an event every 10 feet, so what’s your secret to avoiding wackness?
I really love these questions lol I’ve had several people come up to me like “Yo, Des what’s the move?” There’s tons of things to do in Atlanta just gotta be plugged in. If the vibe isn’t right I leave immediately. My secret is follow the DJ’s lol the ones you really like have a following with similar taste and you can never go wrong with the crowd.
One example of this that any follower of Desi’s knows is her friendship with an incredible DJ known as Thrice Groove. Thrice is slowly but surely taking over Atlanta, and Desi has been there to witness the way he dominates a room with his amazing sound.
Top 10 songs on your playlist right now?
Out of a trillion? I flip flop a lot between decades and genres so I revisit a lot like the song just dropped. Lol in no order.
Blossom Dearie - Ravyn Lenae
Supposed to Say Goodbye - Etta bond & Raf Riley
Pick it Up - Famous Dex
Dam Girl - Frills
Vogue -Full Crate
Mi Gente - J.Balvin & Willy William
Due to Me- Jean Deaux
Distractions I: The opposite sex - Kilo Kish
Hold It Down - Mia Gladstone
Get Money - Michael Da Vinci
Despite my extensive music library I feel a tinge of shame for not recognizing a single name listed, and make a mental note to download every single artist later. Aside from a great photographer’s eye, Desi also has an amazing ear for music, so anything she reccomends is usually dope.
So in today’s social media age, there’s photographers who literally get paid to live with and follow influencers. What’s the dollar amount you’d do that for? Or never ever?
Depends. If i really f with that person’s vision and I have full creative flexibility then I’d do it as long as my living expenses are taken care of. I’ve actually never heard of this.
At this moment I pull of my phone and show her my favorite example, a talented guy out of LA known as Brendan North, who until a few months ago, would follow Logan Paul. With a simple “oh, cool” she goes back to her food.
3 breakfast must haves?
Eggwhite Omelette, all the veggies and pepper jack cheese. Breakfast potatoes with veggies. My mom’s grits with cheese (very particular about my grits)
I laugh a little because while she works her way through her healthy omelette, I’m still waging war on the Colorado Omelette, which is the exact opposite of healthy. If I wanted to I could probably come up with some correlation between her talent, incredible vibe, and responsible eating, but I’d rather pretend there’s unrelated and not give up my Colorado Omelettes.
Last month Desi put on an amazing event called Only On Thursdays. She did one last year that went amazingly well, and this one also did not disappoint. In fact, Breakfast Table has the honor of being one of the vendors. It was the perfect place for artists to represent themselves on an equal, and supportive, playing field.
What is “Only On Thursdays”? Only On Thursday’s originated from me wanted to showcase my work gallery style but also involve the music scene in Atlanta that I want to share with my friends. Also to bring back that portfolio review feel from college. I felt like I lost my creative mojo once I graduated because projects aren’t forced on me anymore. My main goal is bring together everything I love and give local photographers and artist a platform to present their work. Many are scared to take that step. This event is for everyone to get inspired and take that leap. So far I’ve helped maybe 4 artist showcase their talents for the first time and hopefully it doesn’t stop there.
How do you decide what artists to put in your show? I do not do open calls for artist. They are carefully picked by what I believe will flow well with the collection and from whom I gain inspiration. They aren’t super famous artist, they might not have a collection by the time I contact them. Really just your everyday artist coming together for something awesome.
You have this crazy soulful element to your photos, it’s like, you can identify a Desi shot out of a group. So, my last question: Do you realize how dope you are? Lol i’m just me.
I believe with all my heart that someday, Desi herself, and the world, will realize her greatness.
-Amelia
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60 Truths
Thanks for tagging me @shrikeyv3 <3
Nickname: Ava, Nikko
Bias: Memes? I’m not sure how to answer this
Blood Type: uhhhhh probably a B negative
Relationship Status: single
Birthday: september 10
Zodiac Sign: virgo
Pronouns: he/him
Hair Length: covering my eyes
Height: 5′5 more like :’(
A crush: Plenty
What do you like about yourself: My ability to learn inane talents fairly quickly
Right or left handed: left, cuz left handed peeps cant do anything right ;;
List three favorite colors: blue, cyan, green
Right now eating: nothing atm
Right now drinking: water
I’m about to: go to class
Listening to: Mii Channel Theme Jazz Cover by Insaneintherain
Kids: some are cool, a lot are too wild for me, probably would be down for maybe two in the future
Get married: in the future totes mcgoats
Recent phone call: my workplace
Have you ever dated someone twice: 4 times ayyy
Been cheated on: nah she was very loyal
Kissed someone and regretted it: i never regretted any of it
Lost someone special: 4 times
Been depressed: yeah ;v;
Been drunk and thrown up: nah
Had glasses or contacts: ye, big nerd glasses
Had sex on a first date: nah
Broken someone’s heart: 4 times
Turned someone down: pfft no one’s confessed to me
Cried when someone died: not yet
Fallen for a friend: all of my friends :>c
In the last year have you made a new friend: Plenty! I love them all
Fallen out of love: 4 times
Laughed until you cry: yes lol, even to the point of nearly passing out
Met someone who changed you: everyone has a part in changing me, though there are those that have made a huge impact on me
Found out who your true friends were: heck yeah, my squad is the realest
Found out someone was talking about you: I think? I’m terrible at picking up on social cues
Lips or eyes: eyes
Hugs or kisses: i love both but if i had to pick one, hugs are very warm
Shorter or taller: either but im biased towards taller >.>
Romantic or spontaneous: romantic af
Sensitive or loud: sensitive af
Hookup or relationship: relationship af
First best friend: JC i lov you man come back
Surgery: never
Sports: chess, BADMINTON, billiards, basketball
Do you believe in yourself: usually, but i doubt myself a lot when it comes to creative work
Miracles: they happen! sometimes, luck does favor you even under the worst odds
Love at first sight: i used to think like that, but really its more like infatuation at first sight
Heaven: i believe in the concept but not for myself
Do you have any pets: right now its our cat Shiro and our dog Afro
Do you want to change your name: my name is alright the way it is
What did you do for your last birthday: went out to eat and played at the arcade
What time did you wake up today: hooooo 11am lmao
What were you doing last night at midnight: making colorful excel spreadsheets ;;
Something you can’t wait for: to get my license
Last time you saw your mom: its been over a year
What is the one think you wish you could change about your life: I wish i had a car lmao, a shallow wish for sure but honestly i wouldnt change anything
What’s getting on your nerves: myself, damn bih get yo shit together
I’m tagging hmmm @masequiredcat @painterstarlight @sunnytheunfunny @microcroft @udonthreens @dandelionfluph @count-spookula @kittens-clubhouse
only if you wanna, no obligations here :>
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92 Truths Tag Game
Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose people to be tagged.
Tagged by: @aceofspades-lena and @ava-forest-walker
Last:
Last drink: water
Last phone call: My mom (I think it counts? She didn’t actually pick up because we were just trying to see if my phone worked lol)
Last text message: @catsandr0ckmusic was the last person I texted, actually. Hello, friend!
Last song you listened to: The Streets of Whiterun by Jeremy Soule (I’m Skyrim trash shhhh)
Last time i cried: like two days ago, I think
Have you ever:
Dated someone twice: yup
Been cheated on: nope, thank god
Kissed someone and regretted it: nah
Lost someone special: Vague. What do you mean by “lost”? like death? Or broken relationship? Or like they kinda just left, because in that case yes.
Been depressed: unfortunately, yes
Been drunk and thrown up: nope, I’m not of drinkin age yet :p
In the past year have you:
Made a new friend: yep!
Fallen out of love: I..think I have? I’d like to say so.
Laughed until you cried: yerp
Met someone who changed you: definitely
Found out who your true friends are: all my friends are my true friends. I picked wisely. I can smell the bullshit off of someone when I first meet them, so I know I can trust my friends. I don’t deal with bullshit.
Found out someone was talking about you: nope.
General:
How many people on tumblr do you know in real life: 1 lol @indigoreign95 HI COUSIN
Do you have any pets: nope, but hopefully sooooon
Do you want to change your name: nah, it’d be weird if I changed my irl name now anyway. I’ve had it for almost 18 years. Besides, I like it :D
What time did you wake up this morning: like...9 something? I don’t remember :p
What were you doing last night: playing the Etrian Odyssey V demo and then playing Animal Crossing New Leaf/watching YouTube after that ended
Name something you cannot wait for: TO GET A FUCKIN NINTENDO SWITCH MON BOIII
Have you talked to a person named Tom: Uh...no?
Whats getting on your nerves rn: my keyboard, but what’s new
Blood type: I have actually no idea, but I’ve always been curious
Nickname: On the internet, it’s Vio. you may never know my real name mwahahaha
Relationship status: single but looking for a girlfriend :D
Zodiac sign: Pisces
Pronouns: she/her
Favourite show: I don’t really have one tbh, don’t watch much TV. I like a lot of anime, tho
College: not in college, and I’m still unsure as to whether I wanna go or not
Hair colour: black as night
Do you have a crush on someone: nah
What do you like about yourself: My creativity, my eyes and my face shape, my hands, my personality, my hair, and I like my voice. I’ll stop now because this sounds super egotistical XDD
First:
First surgery: Does dental surgery count? I’ve had laser surgery on my mouth before, but idk if that counts
First piercing: I think I was one when I got my ears pierced. Idk, I don’t remember it, so all I know is that I was real little
First sport you joined: I have bad asthma so I don’t do sports. I wanted to do volleyball so badly tho
First vacation: I think it was Disney World for my birthday when I turned 2?
First pair of sneakers: Now how the entire fuck do you expect me to remember that?
Eating: nothing holy shit I forgot to eat today
Drinking: nothing
I’m about to: post this once I’m done with it and then watch jacksepticeye
Listening to: nothing, just the sound of me typing
Want kids: Later on in life, hell yeah! I LOVE kids!
Get married: Yup! I would love to get married to someone when I’m ready for that
Career: I wanna be a YouTuber like Mark, Jack, and Ethan. Hopefully I can get there someday. I know I will, just gotta work real hard
Which is better:
Lips or eyes: (Now what kind of lips we talking here ;) LMAO JK) In terms of what? I mean...eyes I guess. They’re the windows to the soul, after all
Hugs or kisses: I like both. Sometimes I need a really good hug, and I mean I’ve only kissed one guy but it was awesome so I like kisses. Plus little kisses on the cheek are sweet
Shorter or taller: Depends what we’re talking about. In terms of who I would date, I usually prefer people who are my height or a little bit taller, though
Older or younger: I prefer around my age. My limit is either 2 years younger or 3 years older, no more and no less.
Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic. I date to marry, and I think things through before making big decisions. I’ve made mistakes, sure, but generally I like to take things slow and not rush.
Sensitive or loud: What’s this mean? In terms of what? I mean, I’m a loud person, I have a loud voice, but I’m also really sensitive. These two don’t correlate. Still, I wouldn’t mind someone who is more sensitive. They don’t necessarily have to be loud, but I don’t mind that either.
Hook up or relationship: Relationship, always. I doubt I would do “one-night stands”, or anything like that. Nothing wrong with that, it’s just not my thing. I personally feel like stuff like dating and having sex are very intimate, so I would only do that kid of thing with someone I’m already close to.
Troublemaker or hesitant: Very hesitant, if you knew me irl you would know XD
Kissed a stranger: Never have, never will
Drank hard liquor: Again, not of drinkin’ age
Lost glasses/contacts: Of course, but never permanently. I always find them in some dimension or other
Sex on first date: Nah, I’m a virgin, and honestly I would never have sex on the first date. Sex comes after we’ve known each other for a while. No need to rush into things.
Broken someones heart: No clue, but I hope not because I’d feel bad
Been arrested: Of course not.
Turned someone down: Nah, I’ve only gotten asked out once so this hasn’t happened lol
Fallen for a friend: Yup! We were friends first before we dated.
Do you believe:
In yourself: Actually, I do. I know I can do anything I set my mind to, I just have to work hard
Miracles: I mean, I was a miracle so...yeah lol
Love at first sight: Uh...I honestly don’t know. I know younger me would have said yes, but now I’m not so sure.
Heaven: Nah, not religious, anyhow
Santa Claus: Yep! He was a real guy! Look it up!
Tagging time:
@catsandr0ckmusic @myhomosexuallyfakeromance @cand0ria @septiceyeandstuff @yourestillnotmytype-58 @maxi-mutt @mamawanja
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92 MF questions about me
I was tagged by @starlightlesster Thanks for this THE LAST 1. Drink: mint & honey tea 2. Phone call: My mamma 3. Text message: @heya789 4. Song i listened to: John Lennon's Imagine 5. Time you cried: a couple of days ago HAVE YOU EVER 6. Dated someone twice: M8 I've never even dated someone period 7. Been cheated on: nope 8. Kissed someone and regretted it: I feel like you know the answer to this question 9. Lost someone special: Yes but I've come to terms with it and I'm okay 10. Been depressed: not clinically but I'm a pretty sad tired person 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: alcohol? I don't know her LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS 12. Pastel blue 13. Spring green 14. Dark red IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU 15. Made new friends: yup :) 16: Fallen out of love: I fall IN love so easily it makes it easy to fall out of love so yes 17. Laughed until you cried: Yup 18: Found out someone was talking about you: I used to go to a school where I was basically the outsider in a school full of rich straight kids 19: Meet someone who changed you: yup. A friend I made this year really changed me and made me a genuinely happier person ( @heya789 ) 20. Found out who your true friends were: yup :) finally stopped trying to be liked by everyone else and hung with the people who liked me MORE 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook: who uses facebook anymore? I don't 22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: um nope 23. Do you have any pets: nope 24. Do you want to change your name?: i don't like my name so yes I think I do 25. What did you do on your last birthday: i didn't even celebrate my birthday this year :( 26. What time did you wake up; 12:32 27. What were you doing at midnight: watching the 24/7 spongebob live stream on YouTube 28. Name something you can’t wait for: I guess a chance to travel somewhere outside of the country because I have always wanted to go to England or France or Spain or Italy or Germany or Peru or China or just literally anything but the U.S 29. When was the last time you saw your mother: like 15 minutes ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I mean I guess I'd like more friends, or more accepting parents 31. What are you listening to right now: a YouTube video with the (GHOST CAUGHT ON TAPE) clickbait lmao 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: haha I don't think so 33, Something that is getting on your nerves: summer homework & my sister lol 35. Most visited site: YouTube 35. Elementary: I don't understand exactly what this is asking but yes I completed elementary school :) 36. High school: Still in highschool 37. College/university: I hope so 38. Hair color: dark blonde-ish 39. Long hair or short hair: short but I wish it was shorter 40 .Do you have a crush on someone: yes always 41. What do you like about yourself: ???? 42. Piercings: earrings but I regret them cuz I got them with a gun 43. Blood type: ???? I got some blood taken a while ago but I didn't ask to have them tell me my blood type :( 44. Nickname: Syd 45. Relationship status: gay single and ready to mingle 46. zodiac: Gemini 47. Pronouns: she/her they/them 48. Fav TV show: Skam 49. Tattoos: I want one so bad! They're so amazing 50. Right or left hand: right FIRST 51. Surgery: I don't think I've had surgery before 52. piercing: Ears when I turned ten (DONT GET THEM DONE WITH A GUN LIKE ME! I WAS YOUNG AND STUPID AMD DIDNT KNOW BUT PLEASE DONT DO THE GUN!!!) 53. Sport: not a fan of sports 54: Kiss: I've never kissed anyone 55. Vacation: I was too young to remember 56. Pair of trainers (sneakers): I remember having these light up white ones I LOVED 57. Eating: again too young to remember 58. Drinking: At my parents anniversary I got some of their wine and HATED it 59. I’m about to: go to the grocery store 60. Listening to: YouTube still FUTURE THINGS 61. Waiting for: love happiness and acceptance 62. Want: a best friend 63. Married: yes of course I'd love to be married 64. Career: teacher, writer??? YOUR TYPE 65. Hugs or kisses: hugs 66. Lips or eyes: Lips 67. Shorter or taller: taller (I love the hugs) 68.Older or younger: older usually 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I love tummies 71. Sensitive or loud: I'm loud as fuck so we don't need two of those 72. Hook-up or relationship: I'm probably Demi so relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant I don't want my bab to get in trouble HAVE YOU EVER 74. Kissed a stranger: no 75. Drank hard liquor: yup ;) 76. Lost contact lenses/glasses: yes but I found them so it's ok 77. Turned someone down: nope 78. Sex on first date: hah no 79. Broken someone’s heart: probably and I feel really bad about it 80. Had your heart broken: multiple times I'm v emotional 81. Been arrested: nope 82. Cried when someone died: yeah 83. Fallen for a friend: lol yupp DO YOU BELIEVE IN 84. Yourself: haha nope 85. Miracles: I wish 86. Love at first sight: not really 87. Santa claus: i never really did 88. Kiss on first date: yes it sounds sweet 89. Angels: nope I'm not very religious I dont believe in much, as you can tell OTHER 90. Current best friend’s name: Internet: Ash @heya789 irl: Ava 91. Eye color: dark grey green 92. Fav movie: Perks of being a wallflower Literally anyone who want to to this is welcome to :D
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