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darkdevasofdestruction · 3 years

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An Angel and A Demon ~ Pyramid Head x Reader

Update 2: My laptop restarted when I was in the middle of writing this, and trust me when I say it, I am positively pissed off, and I want to end my days, that's how bad of a day this was.

And I didn't leave the house.

That says a lot about today...

Update 1: But, without further ado, I was half-way writing this story, and I received this ask, and let me tell you...

helloooo, i absolutely adored the fanfics you wrote about kazan and danny🥺 could i request one where pyramid head is just really whipped for and in love with the survivor! reader but he doesnt know how to announce it to them so he brings her random ,,gifts" in and outside the trials and protecting her bc well, im pretty sure he cant speak so he doesnt really have any other options on how to express his feelings??

I live for it.

Bless you for sending me this, it's the reason I'm still sane right now.

I love you, baby-cakes.

Update 3: I want to kill myself so bad. Just smash my head on a wall until it explodes or sth. I was so happy with how this imagine turned out, only fuck fucking tumblr to just fucking delete EVERYTHING just as I was about to put the last gif and hit POST NOW.

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For the 5th time writing this :

FUCKMEDADDY - but this time - FUCKMYBRAINSOUTPLEASEIWANNADIE

Thanks.

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Hell - What was that place, anyway?

Some would describe it as an infinite ocean of flames and lava, where it's eternally melting-hot, and a bunch of hooved, horned, tailed red demons torture you with acid, with their red pitch forks, or boil you alive in their cauldron for soup. Or maybe you just get tortured by Stalin, who knows?

But never would have anyone thought that 'Hell' could look so...Normal. Well, normal in a very demolished, desolate, ravished way, but still...Normal, by human standards. Albeit, the never-ending loop of madness, anguish, agony and desperation of getting killed in different gruesome ways or fleeing for their lives and feeling a myriad of emotions pumping adrenaline through their veins so badly that their anxiety-meter skyrocketed to abnormal levels.

All this darkness, this hatred, this...Everything...It changed all the survivors. They became selfish, stubborn, rude, some even went as far as to sacrifice their fellow survivors in trials, just so they could survive. It was a complete mayhem that defied all kinds of reason, normality, morality or even ethics. Everyone became devoid of any laws that used to bind them to their humane sides, and now, you weren't sure if the killers were saner than the survivors or not.

But even in this abyss where you couldn't even see your hand in front of your very eyes, there was a little star - A beautiful angel radiating brightness and warmth, someone who was somehow able to guide everyone's straying souls with her benevolence.

In reality, she was merely a survivor, not the little lantern from an angler fish's head, but she treated everyone with such an untainted kindness...It was beautiful, and yet, unrequited for most parts. Everyone was still putting their own lives above all - And who could condemn them? - Perhaps their cowardice, for the girl preferred to save her fellow survivors as much as possible, even if that oftentimes assured her place on the hook, to be a sacrificial lamb for the Entity.

On the other hand, she rarely ended up on the hook - Most killers prefer to kill her themselves, instead of letting her become pray for the horrible Entity who tortured so many of them for refusing to cooperate - The Trapper, Evan MacMillan - He knew the best, with those hooks digging into his flesh, impossible to extract. He was the first to protect this girl. It wasn't much, but if he had to, he'd rather give her a swift, painless death, than seeing her without that serene, angelic smile on her face, as the Entity feeds on the last bits of her soul's beauty, the last parts of her humanity.

The other Killers were confused at the Trapper's actions, but little by little, they began to understand why this girl was so precious and special - And this domino effect hit Rin Yamaoka next, with Y/N stopping in the middle of a chase and taking off her jacket, just as Rin was about to butcher her with her katana, and she smiled, extending it to her. 'You must be cold' she said, realising that the Spirit was merely wearing a few bandages, not even her school uniform, or her kimono.

The ghost girl was shaken up by this, and told the others at the killer camp, but they just shrugged it off - Rin was a little girl who faced close to no kindness, they weren't surprised she was so taken aback by such a feat. That is, until Adiris, in a particularly terrible day, when everyone at the camp was staying away from her, as her profane censer wasn't able to cover the stench of rotting flesh - Y/N came over, taking out a small yet elegant glass bottle with pink liquid on it, spraying some on her - And now, The Plague smelled of roses and vanilla - 'You can come to me for perfume whenever you want, I always carry some with me!' she grinned at the Babylonian High Priestess, before leaving back to the survivor's camp site, leaving the ancient God symbol to stare with her mouth agape at the girl.

These words began to spread, and it was no surprise when the killers saw Susie clinging and begging her Legion friends to spare Y/N, for she was there to hug away her worries more than once, to tell her sweet words, to play with her hair and play the guitar whatever songs she wanted to hear, to get reminded of her home - She was so home sick that she freaked out, but now she was better, thanks to Y/N - 'I know you miss home, but sometimes, home is where your best friends are, and all three of them are here!' she tried to encourage the cute pink-haired girl who could only squeal and hug her new friend.

Even Ghostface wasn't exempt from falling to her charms, and they would often take silly selfies and mess around, making fun of the old horror movie tropes and doing lots of puns and pranks - So much that she even got his trust to be told about the Danny/Jed thing, and how he began his killer profession - 'You're a very talented photographer, Danny! You deserved all that recognition you got, both as a journalist, and as a killer!'

And very soon, Y/N found herself in the crushing arms of an overprotective Anna, humming her mother's lullaby together with walking through the forest, Y/N making flower crows for all the female killers at the camp site, and little by little, she somehow managed to worm her way under everyone's skins.

Y/N was the survivor with the highest survivability percentage, and maybe the Entity sometimes got pissed off, but at least she still got killed sometimes, so who cares? Well, that was soon to change as soon as a new Killer was added to this sick game - Pyramid Head, the terror of Silent Hill, as Cheryl, the new Survivor, called him - or The Executioner, as he was known now. He was ruthless, merciless, grotesque - He had his own criteria of killing, his own moral compass, ethics, conscience and understanding of the concept of life and death. Nothing that could compare to the visions of humans, clearly - Everything was gravitating around Divine Retribution and Justice, but the from the outside, he was nothing but a killing machine.

He would kill everyone and anyone that crosses his path, without fail.

Y/N felt like her fortune ended completely the second she found herself in the new, overly cramped map, with Pyramid Head as the killer - She couldn't help but run around like a spazzic meerkat, trying to find and fix as many generators as possible, without having to get face to face with the walking hazard...

Only to run past a stuck Pyramid Head.

Slowly backtracing her steps, she saw the mountain of a man with his metal pyramid stuck in the frames a low window which he tried to walk over. He was trashing like a raged bull trying to attack a matador, but it was clear he was getting nowhere with this.

"H-Hey, u-uhm...Need some help?" she asked in a soft, careful voice, almost like a meek cat trying to test the waters, but in return, he started groaning even louder from the wrath he wanted to unleash upon the whole world. "Okay, uhm...I think I saw a can of vaseline in one of the chests around. I'll go fetch it and I'll come back for you. Don't move." she said, only to then realise how horrible that sounded, considering the situation, and it only seemed to anger the killer. "...I'm sorry, ignore me, I'm an idiot." she slapped herself pretty harshly before bolting out of there trying to find the chest.

However, Y/N cursed herself for not having perfectly memorised the whole map by heart already, since she found the vaseline can after the 3rd chest, and then, it took quite a while to find the bloody window that got the killer stuck - And by the time she got there, she was dead tired. "Okay, I'm here, I found the vaseline! Let's try to get you out of here." Y/N muttered as she put her feet on the low window pane to get to his level. "If it's not too much trouble, could you please hold onto me? I can't balance myself with both hands occupied, and I'd rather not fall." she explained as she opened the vaseline can, only to shiver as she felt two big, strong hands getting a firm grip on her hips. It was almost...Endearing, were she not too busy trying to get the killer unstuck. She kept massaging the metal edge, trying to push and pull, also praying to whatever deity that existed in her human world that she had her tetanus shot done on time - Until finally, she was able to get hear a loud screech, like a pop, and the killer got unstuck, and in the process, he stumbled backwards, while Y/N fell down on her butt.

"Ouchie..." she muttered, rubbing her back and sides to take away the pain surging through her body. "Are you okay?" she asked, almost intuitively, without realising it at first, until she heart a low grunt that brought her back to reality. "O-Oh...! You have glass shards stuck in your side! And you're bleeding too! Hold up, let me help." she hurried to his side, while the killer merely stiffened, feeling her delicate, slender fingers tracing his body, while he heaved and slouched his shoulders from the repressed wrath. "It may sting a bit, and I'm really sorry, but I promise it will be better soon." her voice was so motherly and warm, which also resonated in her actions, as she gingerly took a water bottle and imbued some tissues with it, to wipe away the blood smearing down his skin as she extracted the glass shards, and then..."This is grandma's marigold ointment. It's really good, and it smells nice." she explained as she carefully smeared a thick layer of the yellow ointment on the biggest wounds, while the little ones were covered by smiley-flower patterned plasters. They were cute, and colourful, and they never failed to make her smile. "Okay, there we go, all better! I hope you'll feel better very soon!" her voice got a tiny bit more cheerful and upbeat.

It made the Killer think about a trillion things, as he stepped in front of her, towering over her like the Empire states building next to a smiling pomeranian. What was with this girl? Why did she help a killer? And why did he feel so...Warm inside? He could sense a foreign kind of luminosity, a naivite and innocence that he only witnessed in children and animals. This woman in front of him was untainted by the darkness and evil of the world.

It didn't matter how many hardships she's been through, or how much sadness she had to endure - Her soul remained as pure as any snowdrop, as the first snow of winter, as the fleece of a baby lamb who let out its first 'meeeeh' to its mamma sheep.

He couldn't allow this human to be maimed in any way - Not by the world, not by the Entity, and certainly not by him. - Screw the Entity, Pyramind Head kills by his own rules, and now, he was blessed to be faced with a human who bore no real hatred for her peers, or for the world, despite the horrible situation she was thrown into.

He didn't understand, obviously, especially as he remembered the myriad of abominations that lurked through Silent Hill, all of them created by the torment of humans - The very torment that distorted their own reality, which resulted in him needing to solve the purpose as The Executioner - Eradicating the world of all evil.

"Th-This sword is so heavy...H-How can you carry this around like that...?! Your muscles must be so strained and sore...Y-You really need a massage, I'm sure." she stuttered as she tried to lift the much taller and heavier sword from the ground, only for the brute to simply bend and pick it up with extreme ease, putting the girl to shame with her complete lack of strength. "Hehe...You're really strong. I'm embarrassed now." she chuckled softly, scratching the back of her neck.

Before she could leave or do anything else, Pyramid Head picked her up by the throat, careful not to hurt her or restrict her air intake - I mean, how else was he supposed to carry her so he wouldn't hurt her with his metal head or sword? - and it was pretty clear she didn't feel any malevolence from him, as she clinged on his forearm, trying to keep herself up, only to be dumped on top of the hatch, as the killer pointed towards it, so she would leave.

"O-Oh...! Thank you so much! You're really kind! I really appreciate this...I-I know it probably doesn't matter much to you, since you'll be doing this over and over again with all the survivors...But I really appreciate you for your kind gesture, and I appreciate you for being so nice with me. Thank you. Take care!" her dazzling smile lit the whole place up, but he couldn't talk, nor could he tell her how he should be the one thanking her for showing him that, despite the hundreds and thousands of years he had to roam the 'Earth' and execute the injust, miracles still existed.

As soon as she reached the survivor's camp, everyone cheered for her, asking how in the world could she have escaped the wrath of the butcher. "Oh, but he wasn't that bad. In fact, he's much more humane than I anticipated! I think he has a beautiful, blooming heart!" okay, she's lost it - the other survivors thought - but even so, she's always been a bit...Out of it, so who cares?

It took quite a while for the other three survivors to reach the camp, all bloody, in fact, like the new killer, who dragged himself with the same menace to the Killers' camp. "How the hell did you manage to survive?!" they yelled at her in utter shock, seeing that she got out of there unscratched. "Oh, you see...I found the hatch." she shrugged simply, not wanting to give away that the person who massacred those three was a soft one and he basically threw her down the hatch to her safety.

As she took a twig to roast a marshmallows, she noticed how Pyramid Head was standing much farther away from the rest of the killers - She knew that silent killers were bound to stay away from the more obnoxious one, remembering how Michael Myers almost killed Ghostface and The Legion at least a dozen times - But this time...He seemed kinda...Lonely? So Y/N took the matters into her own hands, roasted another marshmallow in another twig, and when it was done, she went to the killer's camp, calling out the lonely one's name - She has no idea why, but he actually followed her, pushing her further deep into the forest, until he was sure nobody was going to hear, see or interrupt them...

"Hey. You seemed pretty lonely out there...I thought you could use a friend. Thank you again for what you did at the trial...Here, this is a marshmallow. I don't think you've had many before...Cheryl told me of that horrible place you had to live in...So I hope this will make your day a bit better!" Y/N extended one of her hands towards him, so he could take the marshmallow - And a long, black tongue erupted from underneath the pyramid, snatching away the fluffy marshmallow and gulping it in one go.

What the hell was he turning into?

A towering man built of pure muscle, wrath and divine justice, with a pyramid representing the evil of humanity burdening his body, and a sword taller and heavier than the average human being constantly dragged in one of his hand...He now was a slave to a cute, innocent girl who was putting flower plasters on his minuscule wounds that would heal in a heartbeat regardless - He saved this girl who was now offering his these soft, squishy things that tasted overly sugarly, just like her upbeat and cheerful personality - If he could eat her, he was sure she would taste even sweeter than this - A sickish kind of sweet, that is.

She was indeed a beautiful angel in this tragic hell. But he didn't wait to snatch the second marshmallow either.

"Ah...! You liked it, didn't you? Well...Next time, I promise I'll give you more!" she grinned at him the same way a princess would to her chivalrous knight who saved her. The since he couldn't talk, silence took over them - It wasn't an uncomfortable one, per se, but it made it feel as if the conversation was over. "W-Well...I'll guess I'll see you around! Take care and I hope to see you again soon!" she waved cutely, trying to turn around back to her camp, only to feel a rough hand on her shoulder, turning her around and urging her to stop and wait for him and he went deep into the forest, leaving her alone and undefended by the potential malevolent forces of the forest.

When he returned, however, he stepped right in front of her, creating the perfect shade as he towered over her - Then he kneeled in front of her, so he would reach her eye sight, then he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and put a beautiful pink flower - As pink as the blush that started creeping on her face - He wanted to see her luminous face better, to highlight her dazzling smile and her glimmering eyes as the warm, silver light of the mother moon caressed her face.

Y/N felt her heart picking up the pace - It was beating so much faster than ever before - But this time, it wasn't out of fear or anything negative...It was something good. Something she never felt in her life, especially with her human acquaintances from back home. None was as chivalrous and gentle with her as this butcher of tormented souls - The bringer of justice, the merciless Executioner who was supposed to end the life of every living being that would cross his path.

It was insane how every Yin finds its Yang, even if that comes in the form of a little lamb of a small, frail girl, and a huge abomination of a brute man who knows nothing but death, bloodshed and carnage. It was truly crazy how opposites attract, and here she was, holding the killers large hands and gingerly putting them on her face, leaning into his touch - She felt safer now than ever in her life - Now, in the arms of an ancient killer.

An Angel and A Demon brought together in a perfect union.

As she leaned down, she touched the metal of the pyramid where she anticipated his forehead would be with her own forehead, and closing her eyes, she finally felt herself calming down. There was no need for words, actions spoke louder than anything, and she appreciated it...She appreciated him.

"Thank you." she whispered to him, knowing that yes, even though nobody else would hear it anyway, it was much more intimate than anything she ever experienced.

She was hooked.

Hope you liked my completely shameless pun, I couldn't stop it, especially after the pain I went through trying to write this...3 freaking times.

Yay.

#dead by daylight #dead by daylight x reader #dead by daylight imagine #dbd #dbd x reader #dbd imagine #silent hill #silent hill x reader #silent hill imagine #pyramid head #pyramid head x reader #pyramid head imagine #red pyramid #red pyramid x reader #red pyramid imagine

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the-wild-wolves-around-you · 2 years

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Tumblr stop deleting the readmore. Let me rant in peace 😒

FUCK i am 🤏🏽 close to running away to live in the wilderness somewhere 😤

Every day I hate my job more and goddamn more but i have literally no other option but to just suck it up. My boss has NO boundaries and messages me at any time of the day or night or on weekends, and im expected to reply IMMEDIATELY no matter what. Even when i take “vacations” (which i dont) or when im sick (EVEN WITH COVID) im expected to meet deadlines regardless.

I do get to WFH so i get up at like 8-9 and just work in my pjs all day, and it is “creative writings” so im technically reading books every day. But theyre “male power fantasy” books that legitmately (no joke) make me want to step in front of cars on a daily basis. The audience for these books are every incel fucking idiot misogynist on reddit, so we write dummed down porn basically. And i have nothing against porn, but the fact that there cant be any other men in these books except the MC bc the readers are so insecure tell you everything you need to know 🙃 And every time my boss berates me for something stupid like “oh the women cant roll their eyes ever bc men dont like that” i just want to SCREAM 😤

Honestly if i was back in my home state, I would have quit already. But im out of state and basically living pay check to pay check on my sole income since my fiance isnt working while he finishes law school. I have like $20 left in my account every month after bills and expenses, so if i quit, i have literally NO safety net. I wouldnt have enough for one months rent or even have enough to move back home. Which makes me super fucking anxious like… all the time. When i first started getting jobs, I saved up and made sure I always had at least $1000 in case shit happens (and bc i grew up poor lol yay trauma) and now I dont have enough for a night of takeout.

To top it off, my cars been dead for like a year bc I dont have the money to re-register it or actually get it running, so Im just stuck in the house all day 🤗

And idk how to explain this constant money anxiety to my fiance bc he grew up rich and white and his parents still send him money for things every so often just cuz. But here i am, sending MY parents money sometimes even if I dont have it and staying up at night wondering how tf im gonna pay for my parents when my dad gets too old to do his contracting work. (Hes 60, with a shit ton of injuries, so prob soon). Im wondering if I can yank out my own IUD later this yr bc i dont have money to see a doctor. Im wondering what will happen if our dogs get sick or if we have an accident.

I know if any of this happens, ill figure something out. I always do. Im the eldest daughter, the “golden child,” I cant fail.

But fuck… sometimes i just get so tired of fighting. Sometimes I just want someone to take care of me…

#no one read this i just need to vent to my tumblr diary #since i have no friends lol #and cant afford a therapist ✌🏼#basically it just boils down to i wish id been born rich and white #or I wish i was smart enough in my early 20s to bag an old sugar daddy #instead i fell in love 😒#should have listened to my abuela #she said the first marriage should always be for money 😌#personal

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redxblueihateloveyou · 3 years

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Hey!! 👋🏽😄 I know you said in your last rant about SK8 and Reki and Renga that you were one of those people that always looks up and learns from others, but after your last Langa edit, I just wanted to remind you how immensely talented you are. I might have not seen your first attempts at editing, but I know how it looks like when you're barely starting something, and I'm sure everyone is proud of the progress you've made and many people looks up to you as the level of skill they want to achieve. You're doing amazing! 💖💖💖

Hi, my love!!!!!! ASDFSDFGHG that’s soooo sweet, thank you so much for saying this, it really means the world to me <3 Oh, haha I’ve deleted most of my old videos so it wouldn’t hurt anyone’s eyes lmao T_T I’m still a bit nervous each time I’m uploading my vids to the day to be honest, even with so many subs rn, but at first I really didn’t have any supporters at all and my god I sucked at this, but I guess the love for my fav ships was stronger apparently haha. So I always get silly happy at each nice comment and feedback, so thank you seriously.

I really love love love vidding, Idk why but when smth comes out the way I wanted it’s a super addictive feeling for some reason, but many times I just looked at the final result and just threw it in the trash and started over and my god how many times SonyVegas crushed and didn’t autosave the project. I’m like Suga now, I’m pressing the save button each 2 minutes, cause don’t want to lose anything xD Being someone’s inspiration is truly an honor to me, I’ve got some messages that hit me too hard. Still feels weird bc I’m like “but do you know that I can’t even use photoshop tho, how do u like me now then?” lol.

I’m always drawn to talented characters, bc they amaze me, esp the humble ones. Like those who hate Haru or Lanaga just buffle me honestly. I understand that they’re pretty and talented and everything, but they’re also the sweetest and loveliest human beings, so like...??? And I adore those who don’t whine and get what they want. I just can’t help it. I’m a strong believer in the fact that "you can do anything if you put your mind to it”. So far it worked in real life so suck it lol.

People are also saying like Langa doesn’t deserve to win this and Haru doesn’t deserve to be in Olympics, like Langa didn’t snowboard since he was 2 and Haru wasn’t swimming every day since he was born. I’m like.. and you need to check in the mirror if your face is a shade of green. BTW I’ve also been in a professional sports for quite a long time since I was a little kid, ballroom dancing and adored it back then, and I did not get jealous at ppl who were talented than me, I was watching the tapes actually with a popcorn. And oh god those large competition events when you sit there for days and give it all, but then you’re like 296 out of 1000. Why was I proud instead of being sad? Idk xD It was fun.

So thanks for liking the vid, cause I even regretted uploading it a bit yesterday. Sadly everyone already knows that we lost this fandom to the middle schoolers being extra, so they do not care for anything each episode except for this ship, so that’s what I got for posting a just Langa vid:

And etc. and that just made me sad, cause I do not like such fandoms, like it’s not even related to the video, that I’ve been making... with love. Also thanks for the "sama” title, I’m flattered, but editor only wants to vid matchablossom for now, so like there’s no need for any warnings. I’ve been in such horrendoes fandoms, that I’m immune to this. I also in fact didn’t know some keep ruining Langa’s page and saying that he steals Reki’s screen time... cause he’s aparently the only main character...? ...lmao? I didn’t even know Langa can be hated tbh. I wasn’t really ready for all the drama that followed me making a vid about him.

I’ve already deleted some comments, cause I’m like what this even has to do with the vid about Langa? No, I am not obliged to make a vid about Reki, too. What if I post a matchablossom vid, everyone will only start commenting “do renga”, cause fuck your efforts? I’m like... I hate such fanbases, seriously. I do not even know where this is going, but their fans are already pissing me off. I’m still trying hard for this to not affect my point of view about the ship, cause it’d be kinda unfair to them, but its getting harder each week istg.

And I maybe can’t take requests, but I love when some try to get me addicted on their ship with passion and great arguments. It happened to me with some nice ppl. But def not with agression and stupidity haha.

Cause apparently its one of the fandoms where you can’t NOT care for the main ship, even if you accept it for the only possible Langa ship (cause he doesn’t give a shit for anyone else, so like what’s the point), but it doesn’t do anything for you. I’m like... thanks for threatening. This will make me on board ASAP. Like it’s not the epitomy of love to me... I’m sorry? LMAO

Some anon even sent me a “you’re dense” (literally thats it) ask after that Reki ask. I was tempted to write smth like “oh I’m sorry, this is the most epic love story of my life and his character is the most complex in the world and he’s the best friend and the most inspiring human being that ever hit my screen. can I become undense now? xD”. But you know I do not know if they’d realise the sarcasm and my pride sadly never allowed me to sell my life values for a bunch of 12 years olds to love me lol

My sister always laughs and jokingly says “but you’d probably get much more subs if you made a vid about this or that, but at what price that would be lmao”. Cause yeah, I never could make myself vid smth I do not like, cause I love vidding and do not want it to be associated with things I do not like, plus it’ll most likely turn out ugly, if I do not care. My mom says that she can feel love I put in my shipping vids that’s why she loves them. I really don’t think she’s wrong. But that also kinda makes me an idiot technically, cause I’m not into many of the popular ships, and some popular animes I just find really basic.

Also I’m like 100% sure it ain’t happening, but even if they miraculously suck each other’s dicks while sitting on a skate board, I can still have the rights not to care at the end. Like did I sign some form where I’m obliged to love each and everyone canon gay ship even if it’s not what I like? Like gay is not the type of love in relationships. You can only care about his ass like Lan Zhan for example or you can only care about your ass. Like that’s different types of relationships, and whatever you like you like. So get all the way of people’s backs, please.

Also do ppl know that you do not need to be blind to the bad sides of the characters in your ships? Or you just gonna be like “I suddenly can’t see” for forever.

So really thanks for such wonderful message and liking the video and for the boosts when I need them and not being an ass to me if I’m not being obsessed with smth, when you like it. (like I think we have different ship in bnha, right? but we’re still doing great tho, thanks for being an angel <3)

I still didn’t expect this becoming a Voltron 2.0. situation tho. We in our twenties see everything differently, I guess. I do get extra about “their love is everywhere”, but I do not get extra by anonymously attacking ppl, threatening creators and yelling “queeerbating psychotic blind assholes if these two aint fucking by the end of the season I’m shaving my head and jumping out of the window and shoot the director. you do not ship it HARD? YOU DUMB FUCK. THAT’S THE BEST LOVE STORY IN THE WORLD”. Like damn, take your blinders off and see the world, kid. Firstly, it’s definitely not, secondly, ppl see love differently in general and at each age too.

Ah, also you must kill Adam, cause he’s a pedo apparently. Like he ain’t even a threat to your ship, unless you’re blind, but they’re still at it, like they do not know that this kind of age difference is literally nothing for an anime? And that there are canon ships with a huger age difference left and right, too. It’s like its their first time approaching an anime or smth. Like in anime world character can literally kill 1000 ppl with his bare hands and bathe in their blood and we can still stan them, depends on their story, ok? Also Langa couldn’t care less for his advances, so like separate Adam from your ship pls. Like, fuck off, if someone is interested in his character. Yeah, he’s a weirdo for reasons, but anime kind of weird do not apply to real life. Stop acting like you’re some purist, when later you’re gonna ship smth else and it suddenly will not apply. Also rules do not apply to animes, everyone knows they do not apply. These are not western cartoons, my god. And 24 years old flirting with 16 year old is defiinitely not the weirdest shit anyone has ever seen in the anime. Chinese BL has characters who were 14 and 30 when they met and happily married. Also FICTION is not life. Literally no one cares. If you’re scared for your saint eyes, do not watch animes, you’re gonna have a heart-attack from what you can see there. Also we’ve seen gayer bromances in animes, who are just bromances, so pls do not shoot anyone if it’s not canon.

So basically I was kinda pissed yersterday, cause fuck them for ruining the tag, but after chatting with my hommies and your ask, I’m okay again, I just have to avoid this fandom and stick to a tight community xD. I just got used to my nice fandoms and forgot for a bit about the precautions you need to take if you’re in one of those. You know. Who make a circus out of lgbt, instead of supporting it, and make other ppl hate being in fandoms.

P.S. sorry for this partially unrelated rant, your messages really always make my heart bloom, so thanks for supporting me, and I know you’re proud of my progress, too <3 and this makes me happy. LY

#answered #heavensweetheart #sk8 #sk8 the infinity #in such moments you for a moment don't even want to vid this fandom anymore #like seems more pain in the ass than joy #but then denying smth bc of stupid ppl is also dumb #so its like I need to breathe and not go to the tags or twitter #sjws ruin everything #anime #I'd rather go spend some time in my chill fandom with less ppl but more adults

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mrfutureboy · 3 years

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@rovermcfly tysm for tagging me and sorry this took 5ever!!

why did you choose your url?

i wanted a bttf url last summer when i got back into the fandom, and i wanted it to be specific to marty bc i love him but i also want to be him. im like, obsessed with the nickname "future boy" that doc gives him in 1955, and the url futureboy is taken, so i am mrfutureboy bc i am marty (kinnie shit)

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

i literally only have a handful for url-saving purposes. @rhodeystark and @masloki are my most notable old urls so i wanted them for safe keeping. i also have @goodnightfutureboy bc that was one of the bttf urls i was considering and i never got around to deleting it (if by chance anyone wants that lmk)

how long have you been on tumblr?

I think i joined in 2010.

do you have a queue tag?

back when i blogged a lot on desktop, xkit worked for me, and i actually queued shit for my blog it was “since queue been gone” bc i thought i was clever. i still think its clever tbh i just dont really queue anymore

why did you start your blog in the first place?

Iirc, an irl friend of mine heard about tumblr thru an upperclassman she was friends with, so she was like “sonny we should sign up for tumblr!” and i was like sure why not. first url was miss-math bc thats my deviantart username

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

im obsessed w mjf but im also a kinnie /j. i specifically love his look in that interview and also i own a very similar sweater now so. it me. also im basically aromantic even tho i dont really use the label so yeah i put that behind his pretty face

why did you choose your header?

skfkdksk its because i kept fucking dying in the stuart little 2 gba game. I havent played in a while but im stuck on the level where stuart goes into the sink drain to retrieve the wedding ring that isnt even in there

what’s your post with the most notes?

Feel free to fact check me, but im 90% sure it’s a screenshot of gwen and trent from tdi that i took, where gwen is like leaning on the table all miserable and trents got his hand on her back, captioned “rb if you agree” bc i thought they were really cute. i still get fucking notifications for that post i think its at over 500 notes now

how many followers do you have?

i dont particularly like sharing this since this is the only site that doesnt make that public, and it’s nice to not feel intimidated or make other people feel intimidated or ashamed, like how it kinda makes you feel bad when you have fewer followers than your friends on insta. but i’ll play, and as of right now i have 1065 followers im very grateful for <3

how many people do you follow?

240. ik my ratio is bad i promise im not being an asshole abt it

have you made a shitpost?

Ive been on tumblr a long time. Of course i have

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

I get turned off by those posts a lot but i do be reblogging shit sometimes ill admit. but not blindly like i have to actually read it and care about it. But if its a 10 mile long post where everyones adding how necessary it is that its rb’d, forget about it

do you like tag games?

yeah!!! it just takes me a long time to finish them lol

do you like ask games?

I dont play them v often or receive them but i do!

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

@chloezhao, period. also @jedflah and @lonepinetimeline were some of the big names within the bttf community that i kept seeing last summer and i remember being like “omg they followed me”. (Well. Actually with theo i didnt recognize his main blog so for an embarrassingly long time i didnt realize we were mutuals slfksk. he would like my personal posts and i was like “wait who is this” and i felt like a huge idiot when i realized it was him! our 1 yr friendaversary is coming up love u cowboy <4)

do you have a crush on a mutual?

no but @biathelstan and i are cowboy soulmates

Tagging: @biathelstan @thereisnosafetythistime @anakins-rattail @mahourobotto

#original entry #i straight up stole ur formatting rover but thank you for tagging me <3333

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hatsukeii · 4 years

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hello! could you possibly do a scenario where tsukki has a secret passion for dancing, n one of his favs genres to listen to is like 80's music ?? i prefer it to be like raining n dark, just you two. i want tsukki n the girl to be like rly good friends, but tuskki lowkey likes her jus a bit n the girl is like totes in love with him, but they dont rly know about each other, until they like kiss after the songs stops. wkhsjdbf idk if this is too much but i love your writing sm!! thank you. 🥺❤

Okay that’s super cute so don’t worry lool

80s and indie music are SUPERIOR NO ONE TELL ME OTHERWISE.

I was looking through my playlist bc I have 80s songs but then I realised IT’S ALL ROCK LMFAO SO I HAD TO STEAL SONGS FROM MY FRIENDS JAHAHAH

Like I can’t make them dance to ACDC or like Guns n’ Roses wtf are they gonna do air guitars?

But then I realised I literally have a song called we can get together sooo👀👀👀👀

And I genuinely love it so much SOOOO👀👀

Earphones// Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Word count: 2000+

Warnings: None lol I’m not even gonna warn for swearing anymore if it’s just swearing then none

Summary: You randomly discover Tsukishima’s knack for dancing.

You always saw him as a calm, or sly person. He was witty, mean, sarcastic, an asshole in every way possible. He was that one person that would call everyone out for looking stupid while dancing at a party, or the one that would remind couples on Valentine's day that it was to celebrate the death of a tortured and beheaded saint. He was pretty much the most no-bullshit person you’ve ever met. It was as if he simply didn’t understand the meaning of enjoyment, and thrived to seek out every opportunity to ruin it for others as well. He rarely went to social events, never showed up at parties, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him smile genuinely. Ever.

Yet tonight, you witnessed something you never thought would happen.

You see, every night, you would take a good old stroll around your neighbourhood. Tonight was no different, except it was pouring, the constant pitter patter of your umbrella clouding out any other sound that was coherent. Sometimes you might run into street vendors, other times you would get a bowl of ramen to fulfil your midnight hunger.

Walking along the street to your favourite convenience store, instead of an eerily empty park, what you saw was Tsukishima Kei, the one person you were somehow close to, sitting in a park, with no headphones on. What a shocker.

Ever since you gave him those iconic white headphones, he has never gone anywhere without them. It was as if those headphones were a staple of your friendship, or more so, how much he meant to you. Just saying, those things were expensive. Like eighteen thousand yen expensive. You knew how much Tsukishima enjoyed listening to music, especially whilst doing work. You saved up for months, just to scrape together enough money to get him a brand new pair of headphones to replace his broken ones that only worked in one ear and had shitty quality. You would never admit it, but something in your heart clenched at the sight of the absence of those headphones you spent so much on. Many might have thought you were just sensitive, but they didn’t understand. In fact, no one would understand how insanely in love you were with him.

“Hey, beanstalk.”

The blond looked up from his phone, his legs crossed on the bench.

“Well, would you look who’s here. It’s the infamous shorty.”

You approached his hunched-over figure, taking a seat next to him on the bench. “So, why are you here? It’s pretty late already.” Shoving your earphones into your ear, you hastily scrolled through your playlist, trying to hold off the urge to ask where his headphones were. “Lost my umbrella while going home from practise, it’s raining cats and dogs, I’m not looking to get soaked while going home, so I’m waiting for the rain to stop. Thank God I brought an extra sweater, my uniform is all wet and gross.” Chuckling, you punched him playfully, muttering a quick “Idiot,” before picking a song. You were very low-key about your feelings towards him. God knows how he would react if you ever told him. He would probably ignore you for the rest of your high school lives. Even worse, he might make fun of you for being childish and emotional. Just the thought of it sent shivers up your spine and a dark feeling towards your chest. Shaking your head, you tried your best to drown yourself in the terrifyingly loud music that was blasting through your earphones. From next to you, Tsukishima could hear every single note that was playing from the internal speakers. He scooted closer to you, much to your embarrassment. You grabbed your phone, pretending to scroll through it when in reality, you were just trying to hide the burning blush that was now painted on your cheeks. He paid attention to every little sound that came out of those tiny little earbuds, as if trying to figure out what song you were listening to was a fun game. Noticing the sudden absence of music in your left ear, you heard a tiny, almost breathy chuckle, followed by a pull on the earphone jack. “Pulp, hm? Nice taste you got there.” your eyes widened in surprise, mouth curling up into a wide smile. “Ahhh, never thought the great Tsukishima Kei would know them.” The blond smirked, shoving the rubber tip into his ear. “What do you mean? I have a playlist dedicated to this kind of stuff. 80s music will forever be superior.” You rolled your eyes, not falling for his shit. “Nonono, no way. Hand it over, I need to see for myself. I’m convinced you’re listening to raptor mating calls on a daily basis.” The blond shrugged, dropping his phone onto your lap. “See for yourself.” Opening up his Spotify, you were bombarded with a huge selection of his playlists. “Right there shorty, that’s the one you’re looking for?” Pointing his nimble finger at a specific one that was labeled “Old Stuff,” you scrolled through every single song, not believing what you’re seeing. “Holy shit, and I thought you would be into indie or EDM or something like that. This is some new information that I have to process.” Snatching his phone back, he wiped the screen with his sweater, turning it off. “That’s enough snooping for today. Come back at snooping hours again.”

It was at that moment, did the song decide to change.

“Yeah, no. We’re skipping this shit.” You acted sad, fake pouting and huffing out. “But Tsukishima! All Star is God’s work, you can’t just skip it! Here, I’ll sing it for you!” The blond tried to look at you in disgust, but the smile he was holding back was clear as day, biting his lip as he tried not to laugh at your silly antics. “Oh God (Y/N) please no-”

Too late.

“SomeBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORRRLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME, I AIN’T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHEDDDD.”

“Absolutely not.” Laughing softly, Tsukishima managed to heave out.

Grabbing your phone and shoving it in front of your face, he unlocked it with ease, navigating his way through the five pages of otome games to find your Spotify. “Jesus Christ, never knew you were this desperate for a man.” The tips of his ears were red, one thought circling his mind.

If she really wanted a boyfriend, would she pick him?

Grabbing his arm, you begged for him to let you continue jamming to All Star. You were shaking him, trying to grab your phone, but nothing worked. “Nooo! Kei! Nooooo lemme listen to the Shrek sex anthem!”

“No.”

Scrolling through your usual playlist, his eyes landed on one particular song. “Hm? What’s this? You listen to Icehouse? Nice taste you got there.” Your grip on his arm loosened up as you looked up at him in shock. “You know them too! Yes! They’re very much adequate.” You stared in awe as the blond smiled from ear to ear, picking a song much to your dismay. “Yesss I love this song with my whole heart. My dinosaurs make way for this.” Hearing the similar synth, you instantly knew what he had picked. “Seriously? You like this song? It’s like cheesy as shit! This is so out of character for you oh my God Kei.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes, completely done with you. “It’s a good song, don’t come at me. Plus, if you think it’s so cheesy, then just delete it.” You frowned. You liked that it was cheesy. You always imagined someone singing it to you, most of the time this imaginary person being Tsukishima. “I like this song too, it’s fine.” The two of you sat in comfortable silence, your earphone jack being the only thing connecting you guys. The park felt weird. You felt weird. This whole situation was weirdly unreal. It was as if the two of you were stuck in a parallel universe, where you and Tsukishima were the only people that existed in that timeline. The silence was thick in the starry night sky, the streetlamps occasionally flickering as the song continued to play. Humming along to the addicting tune, you don’t even realise your body that’s starting to rock, arms swaying from side to side to the rhythm of the chorus.

“We can get together,“

“Get up.”

A hand comes into your sight, willing for you to take it as you feel another tug on your earphones.

“What?”

“You wanna dance, don’t you?”

Never in a million years, would the thought of Tsukishima being able to dance even cross your mind.

“What? It’s raining, I thought you said you didn’t wanna get soaked-”

“Just take my hand and dance with me.”

Hesitating a bit as you looked up at the blond, you raised a brow, grinning playfully as you let your hand fall into his, pulling yourself up and letting him take your other hand. You felt the cold droplets of water fall onto your skin and rolling off, the fabric of your shirt going damp.

“Just take one step forward,” he instructed, motioning for you to follow along with his dance moves. “Then take another step backwards. Everything else will come into place soon enough.” Lacing your fingers with his, the two of you danced in perfect sync, having the time of your lives. “I am learning so, so much about you right now and I’m all for it. Why’d you never tell me you could dance?” Tsukishima’s cheeks went a light pink, looking away bashfully. “It’s embarrassing.” Chuckling, you twirled yourself around, pulling on his arm as you forced his attention back onto you. “It’s not. I think it’s super cool. Do this with a girl and they’ll be head over heels for you in no time.” You mentally facepalmed yourself for saying that. His blush went from a light pink, to a dark red in no time, saturating his cheeks like paint. “Let’s test that theory out.” Mumbling to himself, he continued to guide you, twirling you around and hoisting you up at times.

“Baby we can get together, we can get together.”

The two of you were just jamming along now, not caring about your wet hair and soaked clothes. Tsukishima’s hair was now a damp mess, sticking to his forehead as he whipped his head from side to side, laughing as water droplets flew off his blond strands. Your hair was no better than his, (H/C) strands reflecting the light from the streetlamps as they hit your face with every sway of your head. The earphones were falling off at this point, but it didn’t matter. The two of you already memorised the entire song beforehand. All you wanted was to enjoy the short moment. Grabbing his wet hand again, you randomly started jumping to the beat, letting the blond follow along.

“Later sometime, you can buckle my shoes, you can pick up my sticks, why don't you open that door.”

You gasped in surprise as you felt a large hand spin you around one last time, before dipping you dangerously close to the floor, rainwater rolling off your face. The song came to an end with its final guitar chord, the reverb still ringing in the background. “So, what’d you think?” Tsukishima leaned down, his face dangerously close to yours. Feeling a Cheshire grin form on your face as your tried to raise your head up, you gave his nose a boop with your own, before falling back onto his hand. “That was amazing.” Giving you a cheeky grin, you could feel his breath on your face as he sighed contentedly. His breath smelled like mints, you couldn’t help but wonder how lips would taste too. “You good now, or do you wanna go home? I think the rain just stopped.

Still in that intimate position, you decided to finally ask him.

“Where are the headphones?”

“I didn’t want to get them wet, they’re too important to me. They’re in my bag.”

And that’s when your body decided to act on its own.

Your mind couldn’t even register what you were doing as you pressed a long, soft kiss on Tsukishima’s lips, feeling the heat radiating off of him.

“Now I’m good. Wanna go home?”

“Did you just-”

“Yes.”

Pushing you back up to a comfortable position, he stared at you for another ten seconds, face burning crimson as his mouth opened and shut repeatedly, trying to process what you just did. Finally snapping out of his thoughts, he awkwardly leaned towards you, before pulling himself back. After doing that a few times over, you were properly confused. Grabbing your shoulders, he pressed a firm kiss to your forehead, before grabbing his bag from the bench he was sitting on, pulling his headphones out and hanging them on his neck, handing you the earphones.

“Wanna do this again tomorrow shorty?”

“11pm sharp, don’t be late, and I expect another kiss.”

“Whatever you say cutie.”

Tags:

@tiger1719 @burnt-tomato @thirstyvolleyballhoe @agentvicinity @izzyphantomgamer @sunshines-and-tatertots @sakusasgarbage @trashcanweeb @kaylacinderella @talks-a-lot-of-stuff @random-fandomlover @bokutokoutarou @for-ests @mariechan123 @justachillgirl @ewfilthymundane @just-another-bored-writer @inlwlevi @tiredgr3mlin @itmekisuu

I’m gonna check over the tags again tmr so feel free to dm or comment if I missed you or if you wanna be in the taglist

Eyyyy this isn’t that great but I hope you like it and feel free to give me feedback both good and bad lol love you guys I’m going to sleep now baiiii

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu tsukishima #hq #hq x reader #hq headcanons #hq scenario #hq imagine #hq tsukki #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima scenario #icehouse #please read this i crave validation and feedback lmao #love you guys muah

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demoniciisms · 3 years

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The world may have ended but MEGAN FOX is still around, actually I think that might be CLAIRE BIAGI + 3000+ from BLADE/MARVEL (OC). While the apocalypse might have changed them they’re still PROTECTIVE and DOMINEERING, I guess that’s how they’ll survive here. Turns out they came from a universe where DRAKE HAS JUST BEEN AWOKEN BY DANICA, who knows what this one will hold for them.

Once more Canadian Trashbag is at it again. slavery tw. murder tw.

Claire was born in Troy, yes THAT Troy and was subsequently around nine years old when the Trojan war started.

I wrote an entire bio years ago but tumblrs nsfw purge deleted the blog SO THATS FUN.

As was quite common back then she was sold to the royals of Troy, in favor to spare her father from going to war as he was ill and would surely be killed. This meant that Claire was forced to serve under the royal family, specifically becoming a chambermaid. She served in this role until she was nineteen upon her death at the hands of an opposing warrior.

What wasn’t expected was her eyes to reopen and false breath sucked into her lungs a mere eight hours later. Brought face to face with the reality of what she had become, her savior a man that she’d only known to be a Lord in the presence of kings. Drake. When asked as to why he offered her life, a betrayal towards the gods, simply put? He made a mistake.

It was from that moment forward that Claire swore to prove to him that turning her, saving her from deaths cold grasp would not be a mistake forever. She did everything she could to prove just that. Killed when he asked, maimed, torture, everything he ever asked of her she did. Without fail.

At least until he ABANDONED her and decided to sleep for centuries, fallen disgusted with the world. Of course she took it personally, after living centuries upon CENTURIES under his rule in some form or another, how could she not?

Eventually, through bloodshed murder, mayhem and much more -- she found her own way in the world. Met other races, met others like herself, humans she could tolerate. Shockingly despite what she had been taught, what had been ENGRAINED in her, the world wasn’t as bad as it was made out to be.

Sure, humans were still prey and ultimately the weakest link but over all -- they were SMART. Plus, she was human once. She knew what it was like to want to cling to your morality, to your LOVE.

In the 1800s she owned several saloons, eventually having to vacate towns as she went. The same thing repeated every century, every thirty years even. Saloons became brothels which became clubs in the modern age.

By the time Danica and her rag tag crew decided to unearth Drake, Claire didn’t give a flying shit about her maker. Or at least, she hadn’t until she realized the wrath that his awakening would create.

Present:

Isn’t fully aware how long it’s been since she’s been pulled into Deva, rightly doesn’t care. After all you can only do so much with your reality.

Actively goes out into the wasteland both for resources, and also just to be out in nature.

Becoming increasingly aware that the magic that has brought everyone here is much stronger than anything she’s encountered before, which has her VERY on edge even if you can’t tell.

Essentially a mix mash sarcasm, humanity, terrible moral compass, and being tired 24/7.

If she wasn’t TERRIFIED of dying she would have staked herself a fucking long time ago ok?

Over all attitude? Why the fuck am I here.

Fun stuff:

To this day she has ZERO idea how old Drake/Vlad/Dracula/Agmon is. Granted according to Blade/Marvel canon he was born in ancient sumeria so roughly 6,000.

I know it’s jennifer check but highkey my FAVORITE video ever and essentially sums up alot of Claire’s behavioral pattern.

Part-takes in blood letting and blood weaning. The latter meaning she can go weeks without blood, doesn’t always end well but she does it.

Eyes are blue, unless in one of two moods. Bloodlust is red and feral, usually after blood weaning is black.

Plots:

Someone or SOMEONES, yes plural, she uses for blood. Can be solely platonic, or sexual. I don’t care.

A vampire, or vampire ish person that she’s essentially mentoring bc WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING DRAINING PEOPLE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT YOU IDIOT.

Marvel babies who know who Blade, Hannibal King or Drake are.

Other supes that realize how old she is and we can build off of that.

humans COMPLETELY IGNORANT of her ‘condition’ and just think she’s fun, flirty, whatever.

Someone that goes on scavenges with her.

Poly. Just...poly.

#sanctumhqintro

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dear-yandere · 3 years

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—ask collection!

a collection of mostly very old chats and sweet asks that i never got around to answering! thanks for the patience and love!!

beware, fairly long post... woops....

chat asks.

darling: Eu-jin is best boy. Change my mind.

vanya: i am physically incapable of fulfilling that request, how dare you do that to me... i’m biased since he’s my own oc, but i would die for my (very best) boy eu-jin... who can resist such a gentle yandere that loves you so whole-heartedly?

that reminds me! he’s actually based off of kuroyuki and gekkamaru from the otome nightshade, so if you want similar characters by any chance, do check them and the game out ♡

darling: I was watching the dub for Part 5 of JoJo's Bizarre adventure yesterday...Mista called himself Daddy and I like- sdfghjfgsdhnhnmj!! My heart can't take this--

vanya: WAIT HE DID???? i’m not even big on daddy kink and reading that made me go 😳 this is vital information to know... what episode was this??? for research purposes, of course. gotta perfect my yan! mista, after all~...

darling: for yandere songs, have you heard of the major to minor covers by chase holfelder :O? the way he delivers the lyrics in some songs (betty, all i want for christmas), added with the key changes to minor, is really fantastic, and gives a stalker-ish vibe imo! and he's a really good singer in general

vanya: i have!! a good chunk of them are actually on my personal yandere playlist, so i end up hearing them frequently when i’m writing!! i haven’t been keeping up with his uploads recently, so ‘betty’ is completely new to me and just, wow???????????? this man is an absolute god send for us “romantic” horror fans... ♡

this ask gave me such a lovely idea, though, darling: assigning yandere types/mbti based off each of chase’s minor key covers. i think i’ll do that just for you. ♡

darling @blossomiich: I reread some of your old character interaction asks and saw the one with Jotaro hugging his Darling after a panic attack and the elephant seal plush reminded me of the iconic C H O N K Y ringed seal plushie that was kinda trending and I can totally imagine Jotaro having one of those >w< that's so adorable!

vanya: i honestly don’t remember that interaction, but then again i don’t remember most things hmghng so i looked it up and

j...just imagine star plat hogging it and not letting joot cuddle with it 🥺 the duality of man...thank you for this cute image...

darling: Umm, sorry for asking this. I'm just curious because of your bio language in your header. Are you Chinese too, perhaps?

vanya: no worries!! i’m mixed guyanese (indian, chinese, & possibly black and/or portuguese), but my family only celebrates (or rather, acknowledges?) our indian descent, since the majority of our family is predominantly east indian.

my header is actually a quote from a danmei novel (and one of my all-time favorite fandoms), tiān guān cì fú (heaven’s official blessing)!

darling genki stan anon: Omg you're writing for free now, i didn't expect that one lol. It's a cute show innit? Not a nagi stan but I feel like nagisa has that kinda unsnapped personality that would make him peak delusional yandere material lolol like oikawa but less threatening and without his head being up his own ass 😂. Hope you're doing well!! -gsa

Gdjsjs im such a fool, i think my last ask said something about not thinking you'd write for free when i literally just pointed out kisumi on your sideblog LMAO my bad 😅 😂 also ill hold back on the gen chan requests because ive already asked so many in the past! Thank you though 🥺. Also feel free not to post this, it can just dip into my onesided chats with my lil flower 💐 so long as you receive them im fine 😌 -genki stan anon

vanya: nagisa isn’t my favorite (kisumi is), but gods if he wouldn’t make a great yandere. honestly, out of the iwatobi boys, nagi is probably the most unhinged. i wouldn’t peg him as delusional, at least not at first; i think he’s very lucid and knows exactly what he wants and how to manipulate people in order to get it!!! kisumi is fairly similar now that i think about it... i might... have a type...

please feel free to send in gen-chan requests whenever you want!!!! i’m kinda super asocial, so it’ll take me a while to answer, but i love getting asks from you since you’re so sweet and excitable!!! your little flower reads and cherishes them all!! 🥺

also darling genki stan anon: Sorry for spamming you with asks hdjkdks, u dont even need to reply im just kinda brain empty venting here whether you recieve them or not 😂 i just needed to confess that while yes i am #1 gen simp, and he is undoubtedly my fave oc of yours but that Ilya tentacle smut had me very much so highkey kinda 👀, had to re read the genki oral style drabble to bring my head back. He dont even need to worry about luca bc that man a thot. I think therin is a thot too but like lowkey, a classy thót -gsa

vanya: omg i’ve kept this one for forever mnmghngh i might’ve even answered at some other point, now that i think about it... but i just 🥺 gosh i hope i find my muse soon, because i really wanna write you a genki fic 🥺 hhhh

the ilya tentacle smut was so in character for that boy... i have no clue how to write monsters, much less tentacles, but i’d honestly do anything for him 🙏 kinky russian boy...

therin is definitely a classy thot, the kind that only bangs the finest concubines then turns around and slut shames you for banging the very same prostitutes gbfmngnfg rules don’t apply to him, in his kingdom...wish that were me tbh ✊😔

sweet asks.

darling one: i've read almost all of your dazai and chuuya fics and i love them so much!! your formatting is also super aesthetic just a question, i saw on your kofi that you also draw so i was wondering if you drew all the header arts?? bc they're all super pretty :) have a great day!

darling two: Just wanted to say love the writing and the way your format your posts is so aesthetically pleasing. One day I hope my posts looks half as good as yours because I legit can't get over how pretty and organized it looks.

vanya: omg thank you so much!!!! one of my bffs, yue, is to thank for the formatting and aesthetic choices, really! if you wanna see more of her aesthetic formats and posts, she actually runs a few blogs! you may know her as @milkscafe, formally @milkaaton! i adore her and her aes choices so much 🥺

as for the headers, i don’t draw 99.98% of them! i have drawn a couple, but they’re so few and far in between since i almost never finish my art wips haha... my older posts are lacking proper credits because i’m an absolute idiot, but i’m slowly working my way backwards to credit them all where possible! they’re all indeed super pretty!!!

have a great day yourself, my love!!

darling: THEY’RE NOT BAD CONTENT, I LOVE THEM ALL

vanya: this was in response to a now-deleted lil blurb but i kept it in my inbox because i wanted to say i love u very much and seeing this ask each time i open my inbox makes my heart skip a beat ♡

darling: Listen I love your writing, you inspired me to start it myself! I've always loved to write, and read of course but your style and concepts just stick with me. If you where to write something besides Yandere content/fandom content and started your own series? I would read the shit, out of it. I'm always nervous to interact with my favorite writers because you know, I'm afraid of the impression I'd leave but I just wanted to say this anyway! 💞💞💞🔫😳

vanya: wowowow fgfnmgnfmngfg that’s such a high compliment my brain just gmfnbgmnf go boom fogjfngnfg and thank you for the interaction, us writers truly appreciate it no matter how awkward or nervous you think you may be / come off!!!

darling one: As a writer, your post struck a nerve with me. I don’t send feedback to writers I like nearly as much as I should (and certainly not as much as I’d like in return as a writer). So, as such, I’m going to start doing that when I can, starting with you.

You are an incredible writer. You were one of the first yandere writing blogs I found and you’re still one I check in on regularly to see what you have been working on. You can portray a sense of suspense and intrigue in a natural way that many other writers - published ones included - struggle with. You delve into the darkness without it feeling forced, and you have an amazing grasp on the psyches of the characters you write for (which is a quality I adore in writing and strive toward myself).

I’m not great at ending these things so I guess.. you keep doing you? Because the you is great and I appreciate it.

darling two: hey. i'm here to tell you that from the bottom of my heart i love you and your writings. i really admire your writing skills. you inspire me. one of your posts once saved me from a nervous breakdown. thank you for everything you do. you're a wonderful person. good luck!

darling three: I wanted to tell you that thank you for writing such wonderful beautiful writings and that you take time to edit and write I hope you are taking care of yourself 💖❤

darling four: Thanks. I was having a hard time and deleted all my apps, but as soon as i opened my phone my first instinct was to look at your blog and i got my motivation back. Thanks (:

darling five: Hi ! I just wanted to say I really enjoy the stories you write and how they are detailed so well ! Stay safe and I hope you have a good day/night ! ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

vanya: ahhhh, these are very old asks mostly dating back to my “tumblr writing community is dying” post, and i’ve kept them this entire time because i’m just so starstruck. i have no clue how to reply to compliments, so i’m not sure what else to say besides that these asks made me very happy and got me through a few insecure moments!!! i’ve actually been feeling a little down about my writing recently, mostly because of lack of motivation / inspiration, so revisiting these really warmed my heart, so thank you truly ♡ i’m certainly keeping the originals in my inbox until the end of time!!

darling @monstrously-obsessed: psst, this local cryptic mom thing send all of their love for you 💕

vanya: your local herbo says she loves you very much momster 🥺 mwah

also, to the anon worried about my safety:

thank you so much for pointing that out!!! it hadn’t even crossed my mind when i made those ocs, so i appreciate your concern! i was contemplating revamping those two as is, so this is a great place to start! thank you again!!

#asks collection #not a fic #vanya rambles #[ vanya LITERALLY rambles ]#[ life's hard when you're this asocial i swear fgmnfgnmfg ]#[ now to answer concept asks ]

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kotsume · 5 years

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hi i’m back from the dead (tumblr gave me my blog back)

hi i said i’d post this tomorrow but i lied and couldn’t help myself.

first off, happy 2019!! it’s been nearly a year since i’ve seen y’all!!! how are you guys? i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who supported me and i am so thankful for you all.

i have a full explanation under the cut and i would really appreciate it if y’all read it!!

also, i think i’ll reblog this a couple times sorry ik it’s annoying

now, a lot of people i talked to/talked about me kept thinking i was terminated. to be clear, @kaijohs was not terminated, but suspended. they are 2 differnet things as there’s actually a spot in support for terminated blogs :)

i could log into tumblr and go on my dash, check out my activity and drafts, but could not like/reblog, add to drafts/queue, edit drafts, view my inbox. this only happened to @kaijohs, all my other sideblogs (like @fyeahvioletevergarden) functioned normally and i could still do everything i normally would on them.

for some idiotic reason, tumblr still let me create new sideblogs ????????????? it doesn’t really make sense because that’s the reason why i was suspended in the first place but okay tumblr you do you i guess.

okay so:

i had saved, unused urls. those urls consisted of my old ones and my future urls. i tend to change my url every couple of months or so. anyone who’s been following me from the very beginning can tell you that i had a url change about 6 times over the course of 2 years. so yeah, it is safe to say i’m an indecisive girl who can’t stick to one url (but i think i’ll stick with kaijohs bc i love it).

tumblr must have done some random search bc you can’t report it? i didn’t see an option for it, so feel free to correct me and show me if i am wrong. anyways, i ended up getting suspended over it even though i was keeping most, if not all, of them updated. there are many users on tumblr with hundreds of urls, selling them for money, and i got suspended bc i was unlucky. not much i could do about that.

i am NOT saying i didn’t deserve it bc it was my fault for breaking the rules, but i deleted the urls as soon as i read the email and was STILL suspended for 11 months (february 27 2018 - january 22 2019). verbatim, tumblr said “Let us know when that’s been done so we can restore your access.” i sent them at least 2 emails every week through support in the first few months, as well as replying to the original email they sent me. it didn’t really do much. one time they decided to responded to my email (not one of those automated “support request received” emails, but an actual follow-up email), they completely missed the mark.

imo 11 months was overkill.

i don’t know if they actually read the things people send in support, but i have a feeling they don’t (it’s probably just bots tbh) because no human with a job is dumb enough to respond like that if they read the original request.

–

i thought a lot about starting over from scratch and making a new blog because i honestly did not know if i would ever get @kaijohs back. i’m just so happy it’s back now ^^

–

so what exactly happened during my suspension? i…

- turned 18 !!! - became a stressed out university student (major: biomedical sciences) - made many gifs to post - lost my queue* - read lots of manga - watched a lot of anime - went to europe for 3 weeks >>> france, italy, and england - lost 1.5k+ followers on @kaijohs (rip nearly 34k) - found lots of people reposting/copying my gifs :) - cut off my long ass hair wooo - distanced myself from tumblr for the time being - found someone i want to spend the rest of my life with

*i had ~100 queued items and posts just disappeared in groups idk where they went nor do i have an explanation for what happened except that tumblr deletes posts in your queue when you’re suspended.

–

oh yeah here’s a funny story: i tried calling a (false) tumblr support number but it turned out to be a scammer, and when i asked the person on the other end of the line if this was a scam. the guy told me to press the windows key and R, which raised flags for me. then he yelled at me, telling me to do my research before i accuse him of scamming me because apparently i “didn’t know anything”. i didn’t need to do research when i had Common Sense *insert that rainbow spongebob meme* backing me up… why would i need to run a new program in order for him to unsuspend me on tumblr? then he hung up after lashing out on me.

–

i will be posting a lot of darling in the franxx gifs btw. sorry woops zero two is still the best girl ever

also, as much as i am happy to have my blog back, i’m a little concerned with how i’m going to manage school + my life + gifmaking. i really do miss it, but i get easily stressed and overwhelmed, but i hope i can work something out because i want to continue doing what i love!!

–

if you’ve made it this far and actually read all this shit, ilysm, you’re amazing, and have a wonderful day~

#please read if you can!!!#it's good to be back #tysm for your support!#new and correct version lmaooo #text #also im so out of loop w the anime world

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nacsygen · 5 years

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i was going to go on a further rant about how i wish i didn’t know as much as i do about ww2 but y’all don’t need that, writing it out and deleting it was enough. i’ll just say there was a big difference between growing up with the narrative “nazis were evil, we were the good guys, and it’s very sad that your grandfather died on the beaches of normandy without ever meeting your not-yet-born father but he died a Hero so it’s okay,” and then growing up and reading appallingly realistic and detailed descriptions of the firebombing of dresden and other german civilian cities by the allies, and - and - you know what yeah maybe writing it out and deleting it wasn’t enough bc now i’m dwelling on atrocities again, and the void’s giving me a speculative eye. i’ll stop.

i think maybe it is the difference between my grandfather dying a hero (posthumous medal of honor and everything) and my father living as a murderer for having the same damn job. my father lied about his age very early on in the vietnam war so that he could enlist with his older friends, because he was an impressionable 16-year old idiot (who’d started drinking at 15) who wanted to go off on an adventure with his friends to the other side of the world, and maybe end up like a war hero like his sainted forever-22 father. maybe hoping he could be something more than the ever-worse sequence of deadbeat/abusive stepdads his increasingly depressed and alcoholic mother brought in to futilely try and replace the lost love of her life. to be better for and also get away from a whole bunch of half-brothers and sisters that he was never really suited to be the oldest brother they needed him to be, who he still did his best to shield from the various violent men in their life, with the backdrop of a mother too drawn into herself to intervene. and my father was always a stocky and strongly-built man, but he never grew to more than 5′4″.

so at 16 years old, in 1962, they shipped him off to vietnam to become a jarhead and, when they saw his skills on the range (skills my brother and i share, so maybe it is kinda innate), they put him into training to become a full scout sniper. yeah, like in Jarhead, except in a real on-the-ground combat war. he was in the war for a lot longer than a draftee - maybe five, six, even seven years. it was good for him, the regimentation, the control. he liked it. he needed it. he’d never had it before. it was good for him. i remember asking my dad once, and i remember it very clearly. it had to have been either before my parents got divorced, so i would have been maybe six or seven, or one of the few occasions after i saw him before he moved to jamaica for a few years, so maybe nine or ten. i think it was more like seven, though. by this time my father was on 100% disability from the VA due to PTSD and in maybe the worst of his alcoholism. but i asked him once while watching him work on a job in the sweet florida sun, with me having just enough of a grasp of knowing what the vietnam war was, what war was, and that he’d been in it, “daddy, did you ever kill anybody in vietnam?” and he laughed and said “yeah, quite a few people. it was my childhood that really fucked me up, though.”

and understand that apart from that last part, which is one of my earliest very clear memories (and how fucked up is that?) this whole narrative, i’ve put together from bits and pieces of information over the years from both parents, and knowing how similar to our core my father and i are. it’s a big part of why we haven’t talked in going on five years, bc as sad as this all paints him to have as an origin story, he’s still ultimately an asshole who doesn’t know how to deal with feelings and turns everything into a fight (bc, again, became an alcoholic at 15, got worse and worse, and didn’t get dry until his late 40s and was pushed into a swift divorce with two young children involved). i understand him at his core because we have always, my whole life, been too similar in all our worst ways, and some of the good ones too. but i still feel great empathy for the 16 year old boy with one drunk neglectful, distant, incredible at times mother and a series of abusive alcoholic not-dads and a stream of half-siblings, with the legend of his heroic, wonderful, brave orphan hard worker forever-22 father hanging over his head literally since he was born. and then he went to war, like his father did. he killed enemies, like his father did. he earned medals, like his father did - my father has a purple heart from both physical and psychological wounds, he has a gold star and a silver star from saving his brothers in arms from dying at the hands of the enemy. and he came back from the war to be treated not as a hero, but to be branded as a murderer in an unjust conflict, a living symbol of national shame. that shit sticks with you. i know it has for him for fifty long years.

upon getting home, he immediately grew his hair and beard out (not unlike how my brother does when on leave, but granted, for both it happens within a couple days of not shaving) and went straight back into commercial art, pinstriping, sign-painting and cartoonery back in the ‘70s, which is when he met my mother (who was 11 years younger than him but still technically his boss, and told him she was a lesbian when he first flirted with her, but then they ended up together 20 years) and the rest is history. i’ve inherited from him an addictive personality - my grandmother (who herself died of a heart attack just before i was born, only in her 60s), my father, my brother and i have alcoholism. and sometimes, really, i feel like i’ve inherited his trauma too, his trauma from the always-there presence of his father’s death, his abusive childhood trauma, his war trauma. i feel like maybe my brother, who’s way more chill than me but also joined the military at a young age and now classes himself as a binge alcoholic, inherited at least some of the trauma too. and yeah, my brother’s never killed anybody, but he fixes the planes that drop the strikes and has for a decade, and it weighs on him. he and i don’t talk often for a pair of siblings that were once as close as twins, but we’ve occasionally had long, very late night inter-continental skype talks where we talk about this stuff. talk about how our mom found healing in our stepdad, who was also in the military but never killed anybody, and was maybe gruff and rough with us growing up but never abusive like our dad had the potential to be when he was drinking, or like his own father, who served under patton, was to him. talk about how we respect that he refused as much as he could to continue the pattern of abuse. talk about how my dad and i are too similar in our core nature to ever really get along, even though our traumas are different, but there all the same.

the part of me that’s from my mom’s upbringing (and she’s alluded to having quite a few alcoholics in her family too) wants to spit at this man, get the fuck over it! it’s in the past! but that part of me lead to me not getting proper treatment for my mental health until i was 25. so maybe, for once, my mom’s not right about everything. for once.

if this was a proper thought-out treatise, this would be a great final pragraph to sum up everything above in a beautiful way. but it’s not. it’s me working things out as much to myself as for anyone else. quite a few things in this i hadn’t even realized were so obvious until my brain typed them out as i thought about them. it almost makes me want to talk to my dad again. yeah, my dad’s alive, he’s in his mid-70s bc he was in his late 40s when i was born, and he’s been an old man since his 40s but he’s also probably gonna live well into his 90s. but he’s also like. such an asshole, you guys. (again, mental maturity of a 15 year old). i’m also an asshole. we’re too similar in the exact same way we’re assholes. since i was 16 years old, talking to him on the phone bc i really did want to talk to my dad, pacing around my old room and getting increasingly agitated, he always goads me into a fight. it’s not enough for him to be happy, it’s not enough for him to be friendly, he can’t be sweet unless it’s for a passive aggressive bit. and i won’t put up with his shit the way my very sweet (and god knows where he got it) brother does. generational trauma! lachaim!

#sorry to everybody who's followed me not knowing i occasionally go into for-real diary entries/treatises #long post #t #what is a proper blog only 33 people follow if not to be a journal

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karmacanbea · 3 years

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She is supposed to be having a kid with the guy she says she is settling with.

I get it. Apparently with BPD your highs are high and your lows are low. She has a horrid time being heild accountable for her actions. I figure she was the one that got my old smut blog dedicated to her banned because she didn't want others to think/know she had a relationship with me. Why? She wanted a relationship with them. Part of me wants to see if I can contact the guy just to see if I can get some closure but I have a strong doubt against it. He apparently constantly cheating on a long time girlfriend so he may think I would try to send her the info.

That brings up the next thing. She settled...?

That's putting it lightly. She very purposly chose to stay with a guy that sticks his head in the sand. They both do. I've not talked to her really in like 7 or 8 months and I think it's because she and I can't just be friends after everything that has happened. Especially because I will tell her when she is doing something wrong. Then she would ignore it until she can't anymore and run to Tumblr to act like the victim.

I put too much faith in a toxic person. A person that won't even get her BPD in check. That has dropped out of her higher education multiple times bc she can't have her way.

I feel so bad for that kid. If she vilifies him like she did her husband and I... wow..

I ran into my Google photos and found more shit on her. Saved screenshots of conversations to be deleted as well as our chat on discord and Skype are apparently around. Looking through them like an idiot was very much like opening an old wound. Yet at the same time looking at them once before deleting them I could see how she would use me just long enough to find something local to screw around with. Then go running back to her husband in hopes she wouldn't get caught, then returning to me for the emotional support. Such a balancing act that must of been easy to do with a husband that ignored her and a boyfriend overseas that idolized her.

The same friends she has that say she should be allowed to cut herself also say she should stay married to a self proclaimed communist that is such a consumerist of so much shit. How many versions of Skyrim, motorcycles for guitars does he own? And in the 4 years that I had known her she went from having two cats to I think about 9..

The hypocrisy is deep here. Maybe that makes it easier to bury her head and ignore the truth when you are already up to your eyes in your own bullshit.

So I purged all that information. Blocked her from any forms of social media, including her backup sites that she doesn't know that I know about.

If her husband knew how many times she had sent me videos where she played with herself in bed as he slept or the Skype sessions she and I had while she would be just a meter or so away from him, flashing me (or maybe he did but was trying to ignore it) then what would he say? I think he may of put 2 and 2 together. Other than peeking to see if she had her kid or not I've not checked in on her although there had been subtle hints she had with me. Not so vaugely defensive remarks made on her own social media. The occasional "the me you created in your head is not my responsibility" although it's not the version I had created. It's how she was. I had well over over 15 gigs of pictures and videos. It to mention call logs that lasted hours every day for literally 2 years to prove it. For everyone's sake I deleted it all. I have done better. I have researched what it's like to break off from someone with BPD and apparently it's really hard. They leave such a mark on you bc they become exactly what you want. They do whatever they can to be what you want.

It's why when she was a prostitute, some of those guys apparently contacted her a year later. The one from Lelystad still is out and about prowling for women half his age and, when she and I last spoke, hadn't kicked her to the curb on social media even though she had to him.

Maybe I was the last one? I know I was the first that she got that in deep with. Maybe the only one. It was more than just about her body to me. Because of her, I realized I could love again. Flaws, strengths and passions with anything in between.

I hate that I spent so much time with her. If I was nothing more than validation for a late 20something that was starving herself skinny to sexualize herself... Only to hate having people sexualize her..

Again, BPD 🤷🏻‍♂️

I don't have much of her left other than memories and those are fading as I make new ones. I guess the difference between she and I is that I learned a hard lesson from her while she just trudges along living in the moment, not thinking about repercussions of her actions and trying to victimize herself instead of living up to what she has done.

Bitch seriously wrecked the lives of at least 2 marriages, 2 other relationships and who knows how many hearts she broke along the way. She used to brag about the guys "I let her sleep with" ( I lied to myself, she was going to anyway) like they were nothing more than notches on a bedpost especially the married ones.

So...

It's may 25th 2021. Her son should be born around this time. I want to pray to someone that she doesn't do to that kid what she has done to her husband and I: validate/vilify.

I just don't know who to pray to.

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sweetsweetamber · 4 years

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23.06.2020

Emailed this to a friend earlier today.

I have been putting off even beginning to allow myself to process my feelings on this since I found out Zac Hanson was a raging racist, transphobic, sexist piece of shit. The problem is he keeps doubling down on his stance and making it so much worse, instead of letting me delete him from my memory and never have to think about him ever again.

This is so different to when multiple women came forward with allegations against Jesse Lacey. Like the second I found that out I never listened to Brand New ever again. Done, deleted. They were one of my favourite bands too, like the same level as Fall Out Boy, MCR, Panic and anything Andrew McMahon does. It hurt, mostly because I used their music to help me get through dealing with shitty men doing similar things to what Jesse Lacey did. But I haven’t really thought about them since, and I only miss their music sometimes. Maybe one day I’ll be able to listen to it without feeling disgusted, but that time is still a long way off.

I am also not the kind of person to idolise celebrities really? Not since I was a kid, anyway. Like all my favourite bands now, I have no idea about their personal lives beyond probably the mid 2000s. I have no clue what their kids, or wives names are, or even how many kids they have. I don’t even know all the names of the people in the band sometimes! I don’t feel connected to them as a person, I feel connected to them through their art, their music, their lyrics. As well as the fandom, the fans, the concerts, and the things I experienced in my life while listening to their music.

Anyway, here’s a brief timeline of what lead up to the main blowout to help put things in context:

May 25th-27th: George Floyd was murdered and Hanson posts normal content on social media with ordinary fan comments

May 28th: Protests against police brutality happen across America, Hanson shares a post about the rocket launch. A handful of fans (mostly Black and POC) express their hurt and frustration with Hanson in the comments

May 31st: Hanson posts advertising a livestream with an organisation that provides mental health support to musicians. Fans comment pleading with them to do the right thing, other fans start absolutely dog-piling those fans and tell them to stop “attacking” Hanson

June 2nd: Black out Tuesday. Taylor posts a black square and a few people comment asking him to actually say Black Lives Matter. The main Hanson account posts nothing.

June 3rd: Isaac posts on his account that “racism is wrong!” to very mixed reactions. Still won’t say Black Lives Matter.

June 4th: Zac posts about recording a podcast. He responds to a few comments about why he won’t say Black Lives Matter, it turns into a shit show and he deletes all the comments.

June 5th: The main Hanson account makes a post advertising their shitty yearly island vacation but it got blown up with backlash in the comments so they deleted the post. Zac makes a really fucking weird instagram text post, that says “Racism is wrong, but simply saying I denounce racism in a post will not save the life of the next young black man who comes upon it, or the next victim of reckless brutality”. The main Hanson account posts a photo with the one black hand in it they could find and still refuse to say Black Lives Matter.

This is where I jumped in and commented “Open your purse” and got completely torn apart by racist fans. I spent hours fighting back and supporting another indigenous Hanson fan who was also getting hurled tons of abuse in the comments. It was genuinely hard to try to calmly engage with these people who were spewing paragraphs about how Hanson don’t owe us anything and to “stop forcing your beliefs on them”. Whew. I think I blocked like 60 accounts, and had to change all my instagram settings to keep me as protected as possible without having to go private.

I knew Hanson fans were terrible. I found this out while in line for their first concert, when everyone was obnoxious assholes who wanted to brag about how many tens of thousands of dollars they’d spent following the tour (no one in line with me in the mornings were locals or even from New Zealand). The more money you spent, the more of a fan you were in their eyes.

This put me completely off ever going to their yearly fanclub island retreat which had been on my bucket list for at least a decade. The thought of being trapped on an island with Hanson and hundreds of complete assholes put me right off for life.

The funny thing is, I always met the nicest and most amazing fellow Hanson fans in line for other bands concerts? But the second concert I went to really solidified my opinion of Hanson fans being the most entitled assholes ever. I should have known it was only a hop skip and a jump for them to slide over being to racist as hell.

I eventually ended up deleting my original comment because a week later I was still getting angry racists coming at me for a fairly mild but sassy post. Which is hilarious because when Gerard Way made a similar half-assed post on his instagram, nearly every comment was “open your purse” and sarcastic “we stan a king who does nothing!!”. The next day he was like, I fucked up, here are some links and resources, we are redirecting the MCR store page to links to donate etc. There were probably some fans getting angry at the “backlash”, but if there were any I didn’t see it. Just insane to see the difference between two groups of fans for bands that I like(d).

On June 6th, a whole lot of Zac’s personal social media accounts got leaked, including a Pinterest board, youtube account and instagram account. He then he publicly confirmed they were all his because he’s a fucking idiot.

A few days later I got sent a link to the r/PostHanson subreddit, which had screengrabs of all of Zac’s pinterest boards. Seeing all those ridiculous and incredibly offensive “memes” was like a punch in the gut.

I had not kept up with this dude's personal life at all, I have forgotten his wife's name and lost track of how many kids he has after the first one. I just figured he was probably conservative because homeschooled + super religious + getting married quick and churning out babies. I’d never really heard or seen Hanson take a political stance on anything, but I didn’t really follow them too closely.

Apparently it was known to fans that Zac was SUPER INTO GUNS and played airsoft which is basically paintball crossed with modern military reenactment?

His pinterest page was completely full of stuff he’d pinned about guns (so many guns) and second amendment memes, that said things like “an 18 year old is too young to buy a gun, but a 5 year old is old enough to decide its own gender?” and one with a picture of a man and a woman with the caption “I told her guns make me feel uncomfortable, she said we should both see other men” which he added the comment “So true” to. The worst were the ones that were supportive of George Zimmerman.

I felt frightened, disgusted, and upset.

On June 8th the Hanson instagram account finally posted (with comments turned off) saying Black Lives Matter.

Since then, Zac has really just…. doubled down on being a shithead. He’s been posting as normal on his main account, blocking fans and deleting even mildly critical comments, liking the most disgusting comments that racist fans have been posting in support of him - one comment he liked was a fan justifying Zimmerman murdering Trayvon Martin. Also replying to some critical fans, making a ridiculously long comment where he thinks everyone is mad at him for being a second amendment nutter which genuinely made me more upset, angry and scared. He truly is the most dangerous type of white person: uneducated, ignorant, arrogant, and with a massive platform to spread his fucked up views. As someone else summed up so perfectly in a comment on one of his posts:

Too stubborn to look inward and see how their own actions, thoughts and behaviours are problematic. No desire to actually hear out marginalised voices. Instead, they'd rather create their own narrative, they want to play the victim, feign being attacked, deflect from any of the issues brought up, and will do anything BUT hold themselves accountable. Instead, they block black people and other POC (Rule #1 of what NOT to do right now), and will "like" comments of other uneducated ignorant white fans who are blindly loyal to anything he says and also don't care at all about marginalised and underrepresented people. Because it's all about HIM. The Poor, entitled, white man is feeling attacked. Zac, you are less than a man. Your development, somewhere down the line, was truly stunted.You are so brainwashed, so self righteous and so far gone, I don't know if you are even salvageable at this point. You would rather be in your bubble, clutching your guns and "liking" comments on your page that are defending the murder of black children than taking the bandwidth, introspection and WORK is takes to actually evolve and be a good person. As a black woman, at least I know now not to waste another dime of my money on you. Now go do what you do best and block another black voice, or write yet another tone deaf and ignorant response to make POC feel crazy (ie: "I'm sorry you are feeling hurt", "I love you", etc.) SAVE IT. That's more deflection bc YOU as the white man are CAUSING the hurt. If you want to love black people, start with explaining to all of your black fans why you believe a young, innocent black child named Trayvon Martin deserved to die because he attacked George Zimmerman. You were man enough to post it. Be man enough to defend it and stand BY your actions.

So I’m not entirely sure where that leaves me or where to go from here. I feel completely blindsided by the boy I picked as my favorite member when I was 12 grew up to be an abhorrent racist fuckhead. I saw in the subreddit support group someone said it feels like someone died and we are all in mourning, which sounds strange but it really does. The Zac Hanson I thought I knew is dead. He never really existed in the first place, or maybe he did for a short while before all the hate wormed its way into his heart.

I also believe that the type of music you choose says a lot about you as a person, and so much of my identity in my preteen and early teen years are wrapped up in Hanson. Both them as individuals as much as the music - I think that's why I can’t separate them because there has never been any separation between the two for me. I first heard Hanson on MTV with their music video for Mmmbop and decided I was in love with Zac before the song was over. I don’t think I can ever stomach listening to that song ever again.

Everyone makes mistakes, has racism to unlearn etc, but Zac hasn’t even bothered to lie and give us the PR answer of “I’m listening and learning etc”, even if he isn’t. He doesn’t even want to seem like he’s saving face because he truly thinks nothing he said or did was wrong, and that is the most horrifying thing of all.

I don’t know how to move past this. It's very easy to think, “people are flawed so you shouldn’t idolise them” but I can’t just snap my fingers and remove this weird 23 year old bond I have that is a mix of intense love and nostalgia? Like there was genuinely a point at age 13 where I actually truly believed: if he could just come to NZ and lock eyes with me at a concert we would fall in love and get married. Which sounds wild but it's how all 3 of them met their wives so it actually was a pretty solid plan.

I immediately took down my signed photo of the band that I had on the wall though because seeing it didn’t remind me of the happy memory of seeing them in concert for the very first time, it just reminded me that Zac is an awful person and his brothers are probably the same and just better at keeping their views private.

I always wanted to get my Hanson tattoo covered and redone but now I think I’m just going to get it covered. A lot of fans are selling or throwing out merch, but I don't want to do that so I've just packed the few things I have away so I don't have to see them for now.

Thinking about the time I met Zac makes me feel sick. It used to genuinely be the best day of my life that I could think about if I was having a shitty day and think “Hey, remember Zac Hanson hugged you”. I’m just so angry that he has tainted so many amazing and happy memories with the hateful rhetoric he is spewing now. I know over time it will hurt less but everything just hurts a lot right now.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk lmao.

#personal essay

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