#because i didn't know what i was talking about or understand how antisemitism works

[wild-at-mind]

Seeing some posts on my dash that are kind of in the wheelhouse of the stuff I was just posting about. I really like their posts normally and I don't want to unfollow but :/.

#it's a certian kind of rhetoric #like honestly i don't talk about this but i got kind of a bit...radicalised into some antisemitic beliefs at one point in about 2016 #because i didn't know what i was talking about or understand how antisemitism works #a lot of this makes me think of a horrible murder case in the uk that caused an outpourting of right wing radicalisation #lee rigby was a white soldier who was off-duty when he was attacked and killed by two British Nigerians who claimed #to be avenging Muslims kill by the British army. #i mention this because it's long enough ago to not be super fresh and raw in people's minds #and because it makes me think many things at once and none of them contradict each other. #1. this murder was from day 1 basically tailor-made to incite far right hatred and that is terrifying to all Muslims in Britain #and all black Brits too. #2. Lee was a human being and did not deserve to die #3. a lot of the valorising of Lee as a person focuses on his position in the army fighting for queen and country and help for our heroes #and as someone who does not like the armed forces and is anti-war i find this rhetoric troubling and likely to become very jingoistic #4. Lee's mother had to go to the press MULTIPLE TIMES asking people to please please PLEASE not taint the memory of her beloved son #by using what happened to him to incite hatred of Muslims even more than what was already happening in the UK at that time #Ok list over now with all of that do you think that anyone at all who claimed that Lee's attack was some kind of justified revenge #would have been helping the cause of Muslims at all? ESPECIALLY if it came from a white British non-Muslim lefty type?? #If you said this do you think a Muslim terrified of being attacked in 'revenge' for Lee would have cheered you on? #Or would they have wanted you to stop deliberately making tensions worse?? #ETA i realised i never returned to the point about me being radicalised- i had to do better and i hope i have fully moved away from that. #the thing is saying that it's wrong for you to be asked to mourn for the terrorism victims in Israel is kinda right #for the same reason no one should have been forced to perform grief for lee rigby to seem virtuous #but also it's your duty especially if you are someone without any ties to Israel or Palestine #to not make tensions worse at a time when they are incredibly inflamed already

[dorianwolfforest]

So I was given this response by a dev about the AI thing who I have since blocked, primarily for what I'm about to talk about in this post.

I want to talk about your right to absolutely be critical, mean, negative and angry about star stable online if you want to, and why that in no way, shape, or form is "harassment".

There's this saying in bookworld, "no authors in review spaces, reviews are for readers". Its intention is to say that, no matter how much you as an author want to know how people are reacting to your book, you do not go chasing down reviews because they're not meant as a learning opportunity for you, they're meant to let others know more about your product. You do not watch videos reviewing your book. You do not read through your goodreads. You do not intentionally seek out the two or one star reviews. You are, however, encouraged to find a friend who can look through the reviews for you, find positive or constructive ones, and give them to you.

If you want to learn how to improve for your next book, you make use of the beta readers. You make use of the sensitivity readers. You make use of the editors. There is nothing a review can say that will help you, because the book the review belongs to has already been written.

In a similar vein, I do not believe developers should involve themselves in fandom spaces. Yes, I will be overjoyed at an Ismael tweet, because that is Ismael's own space. That's his world. That's his presence, he's allowed to exist online if he wants to and Ismael is still allowed to talk about SSO on his account like how authors are allowed to talk about their books, because he does not go chasing down sso neg about his own work, the server upkeep. I, as the "reviewer", do not go into his tweet replies and let him know how much I hate the most recent quests or how bad a horse breed is (much like how I, if I don't like a book, don't go on twitter and tag the author to tell them that their book sucks). I save that for my space, the reviewer space. SSOblr, in this instance.

In our own space, as reviewers, we are allowed to be critical and negative about the product we consume, because we understand that it's about the work, not the people behind it. In many instances, we don't even know who the person behind what we're critiquing is. There is also the assumption, the hope, that the person will never see it, because developers, like authors, shouldn't hunt down reviews of their work, and if they do find something that is critical, it should be a standard that they either ignore it, or read it but don't respond to it.

We've had a grown woman on this platform beef with and publicly call out a teenager for expressing the opinion that the quests she made weren't good, with the justification that the review was "hurtful". Plenty of reviews have the potential to be hurtful, it comes with the profession. That's why you don't read them. Even then, no one who expresses critical thoughts does so specifically to upset or hurt the person behind the work, far from it. That's why we stick to our tiny individual corners of the internet and don't chase you down to tell you our opinion.

Within Star Stable Entertainment, the friends an author might use to collect positive and constructive reviews are your support team (which, unfortunately, isn't all that great. Hooray for being told to overlook antisemitism) and social media accounts. All you need to know about how people react to you and your work should be filtered through them.

If the person who used AI art feels targeted and harassed, that is on them. We didn't know it was even one single person who did it, you as a company singled them out to us so that we'd stop blaming you as a whole. Furthermore we don't know who it is, we physically cannot harass them. Who do we tag? who do we send messages to in order to harass them? No one. They would need to go on SSOblr and look through the tag after a massive controversy caused by them, purposefully searching for outrage. That's not on us.

You are fully within your right to have public opinions about the content you consume, and if a developer oversteps the creator/reviewer boundary you are not the one who should be apologizing.

#sso #ssoblr

[jewishvitya]

CW - talking about antisemitic depictions and about the house elves and the depiction of slavery in the books.

I'm having a frustrating day with a lot of physical pain, so I'm not the best at judging currently if I should be posting all of these thoughts. It's a response to multiple arguments by rude anons that I blocked (not for being rude, for being transphobic), but the arguments themselves stay on my mind and I just. Need this out. Ignore this, it will be all over the place, I'm basically venting. Hoping it'll be the last bit of HP criticism I post.

I'll tag it for you to block, as usual.

I've been asked what I expect of Rowling, since my criticism of the goblins included the books. She already wrote the books, they're printed and they're out there. She can't just change them, criticism does nothing because she has no path to correct her mistake.

First of all, with her transphobia - as far as I'm concerned she has blood on her hands at this point. The way she emboldens transphobia endangers lives and erodes queer rights. Anyone who contributes to the current push against trans people is complicit in trans genocide - and she made herself a symbol of that movement. Even if she did a 180 on her issues with Jewish stereotypes, she wouldn't redeem herself.

But she isn't the only one who wrote a story and then realized that her story has deep issues. What does it look like, if an author doesn't want to perpetuate those?

From what I know of Tolkien (and I know nothing LOTR or anything, just heard this from other Jewish creators who discussed this issue, treat this paragraph like I'm repeating a rumor) - Tolkien did stumble on an antisemitic depiction while writing his dwarves. Then he course-corrected by creating a more complex and nuanced picture of the society in his future works. Basically, he leaned into the idea of his dwarves as a Jewish allegory and made it a better and more respectful allegory. They have wonderful cultural details, like having foreign-language names used outside of their community - and names in their own native language that they call each other. Half of my family comes from France, and my mom was born there. She had a Hebrew name and a legal French name. That's extremely common among Jews in some areas of the world.

This response is what I would have expected if an author cares about being respectful of Jewish people. Acknowledge the issue, and try to do better.

But what if the issue was brought to your attention after you completely finished your story? In that case: "Yes, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was writing an antisemitic narrative with my depiction of this fantasy race." Support the voices criticizing your work, and apologize. Let it be an example of tropes to avoid, and encourage others to be careful of the same pitfalls.

What you don't do, is act horrified and say "Oh, how could you, I never intended to make the goblins an antisemitic allegory! Surely if I don't mean it, it can't be hurtful!"

Also, if you truly care, you don't then abuse the memory of the holocaust when you write spin-offs of your original story, including its imagery to support a bigoted villain's argument.

Marginalized people understand that not everyone knows what we do. The stereotypes and the harmful ideas that weaved themselves into popular culture are about us. We know that it's invisible to people who aren't the target, and as a result aren't forced to learn these things. To many people, it's just a trope they're used to seeing. Like villains have hooked noses - it's practically a shorthand for an evil character.

All the stories we tell are based in some measure on stories we heard. Narratives and tropes feed off each other between different pieces of media. It's easy to pull together a harmful narrative without realizing, when the tropes that make it up usually go together, and are so common they're everywhere. So we know a person who means no harm can create something really hurtful, without knowing it.

That's why we criticize media: we want you to see and be aware.

In addition to this, I've been accused multiple times of ignoring the fact that these books discuss bigotry and condemn it. I'm not ignoring it, I know they do - or they try to. But Rowling wrote a story against racism without understanding it and without interrogating it in herself. She only knew to condemn it when it's rude and violent and outright hateful. Not the foundations of it.

So, sure, say she didn't mean to write something harmful. What does she do when she learns she did? Nothing. And not just about the issue of the goblins - about everything. I detailed the problems with her depiction of lycanthropy, but she did the same thing with the house elves.

There's lore about creatures called brownies. They'll perform chores for you, but they'd rather not be seen while they do. If you try to pay them, they'll get offended. If you give them clothes, they'll leave. This is a very partial description, but you can see the inspiration here.

And then she turned them into a slave race. They're bound to their enslavers, possessing powerful magic but using it in their service, forced to punish themselves for disobedience and endure extreme abuse. Kreacher actively wishes to have his head put on display when he's too old and weak to be of use.

To show the reader the horrors of freedom for an elf, JKR turned poor Winky into a depressed drunk with no purpose in her life. Winky's story is horrifying.

Only Dobby takes care of Winky for that whole year. She never recovers during it. Then she's made to witness the interrogation of Barty Crouch Jr., which upsets her and causes her distress. As a result, she hears about Crouch's death through a toneless forced confession - and the interrogation continues around her. That same day, she watches the last member of the household she loved have his soul taken by a dementor, and then she's left alone with the body while Dumbledore argues with Fudge. Only after, he sends Madam Pomfrey to do what she can for Winky, and take her to the kitchens where Dobby will take care of her again.

And Rowling wrote all of this. Did she think this is an example that even compliant house elves suffer and get neglected, even by the sympathetic wizards? Was this a lesson that even those who don't seek freedom suffer and lack agency in this system?

No. Rowling turned it into a cautionary tale against freeing slaves. Unless they're "weird" like Dobby.

Maybe she didn't try to be racist, but this fits disturbingly well with the arguments against ending slavery in reality. That enslaved people will turn into aimless drunks. That they need to be enslaved to have purpose. That those who want freedom have something wrong with them.

And I know this was criticized. What was the response to the criticism? Nothing direct as far as I know, but after all of this - there was an article published on Pottermore to argue that Winky's story is a warning against freeing the elves. It was taken down fortunately, but after this article the arguments against freedom are no longer the opinion of characters within the world - it's a message given to us by real people.

She doubles down. Every time. People keep yelling that she had nothing to do with Hogwarts Legacy, she's not responsible for the way it builds on her original canon. Well, she seems to approve of it. It continues painting the same line with the same brush - just bolder.

She doesn't care about the racism, she doesn't care about antisemitism - she just wanted to use the nazis as her easy villains. She doesn't have the imagination for any other kind.

#hogwarts legacy #riki babbles #HP #JKR #I'm not Black so I hope I'm not overstepping #the only history my community has with slavery as far as I know is from Nazi labor camps #which are very a different thing to chattel slavery #and the latter is more similar to the situation the house elves are in

[batboyblog]

hi, i'm the anon who told the story of finding out im jewish only recently when an aunt came to visit and told us of how her mother (my grandma's sister) and her siblings came from poland fleeing the nazis because they were jewish. thank you so much for your reply. i kind of cried. learning about this was an Experience for me. It seems my grandma and her siblings didn't exactly want to hide being jewish, but didn't tell anyone. they didn't assimilate into christianity and didn't raise their children as religious. we didn't celebrate any christian holidays, observe any customs, but also didn't practice any jewish ones (obviously). since learning about it, my aunts and mother talked to my grandmother and asked for her story. she fled when she was about 10 around 1940 in an unlabeled merchant ship with a few other family's, only they didn't come with their parents. they dropped all their practices and grandma only broke their pretense to observe shiva when their brother passed away, and now for her sister. my grandma is a very old woman and no one wanted to upset her further, i mean she's already lost both her siblings and her only family from before her marriage, so the whole thing's been dropped by now. our aunt says their older brother actually became a practicing Jew once he moved to the big city and had a few photos of them as kids in Poland that he gave to his oldest son that she can show us, but apart from that there's no connection. It's strange, I've never been antisemitic but it feels kind of prejudiced of me to have mixed feelings on this. It feels like we got all the bad parts of generational trauma and missing stories and none of the good parts like community and a feeling of belonging. Though that does also mean we were never the victims of hate, so for that we should be grateful. It hit my mom much harder though. She's named after my grandma's sister (which is apparently a Jewish custom, to name your children after past family members? all of us are named this way. i didnt know this). I feel reluctant identifying as Jewish, I don't even know if by Jewish law I would be classified as such. Anyways.

i know this is a bit heavy, so don't feel preassured at all into replying. I just wanted to say this whole thing took place since early december of last year and your reply has kind of caught me vulnerable. thank you for your kind words. sincerely

first off thanks for writing back, it was very interesting and people so rarely ever follow up with anything these days.

One I'd like to say I'm touched by how your grandmother and her siblings stayed close over the years and you are connected to their families still. I can imagine 3 little kids from Poland in a ship with only each other, the horrible heart breaking choice their parents had to make to save them. So so many Jewish parents couldn't bare to part with their children... your great-grandparents made the hardest choice imaginable, your grandma was an incredibly brave little girl and it worked, it worked

I certainly understand feeling conflicted about it all, I can only imagine getting news that realigns your view of the world, yourself, your family, world history, and who you are. You wouldn't be human if that didn't leave you with a lot of mixed feelings and I can't tell you what to do with it.

Yes it is Jewish tradition to name children after dead loved ones, my nephew is named for my grandfather who passed a week after he was born. I'm not a Rabbi, or an expert in Jewish law, but by my understanding your mother is almost certainly Jewish since your grandmother is and you likely are as well. I've been assuming you live in America but that might not be the case, here Reform Judaism is the largest movement and tends to be pretty open about "who is a Jew" else where the Orthodox movement is most often the majority and they tend to be more strict but again I strongly think you both would be Jews.

Any ways I keep thinking of one of my favorite monologues, from Angels in America

"You can never make that crossing that she made, for such Great Voyages in this world do not anymore exist. But every day of your lives the miles that voyage between that place and this one you cross. Every day. You understand me? In you that journey is."

whatever you do with this, it is with you, every day that crossing in a boat is a little girl from Poland, that journey that she made is in your soul.

I can't tell you what to do with that, and I think it goes against the grain of my religion to tell you what to do with that. I will say there are times when the candles are lit and I look into them and I say the words I can see eternity, being chosen is not easy the path is hard, and I'm ALWAYS learning more and I will till the day I die, but I wouldn't trade it.

I guess what I'm trying to say in a super disorganized and emotional way is, a door has opened in your life, whatever you do you'll never see your grandmother the same way again, and you'll carry that story with you always. The question is do you want to know more? I think it's clear I hope you do and one day your kitchen might fill with the smells of baking challah the way your great-grandparents in Poland might have done before the war. But I can't make that choice for you and I feel bad even saying what I think.

What I said before stands you and are a miracle, and whats more a testament to love undying, so many children sent away by parents who loved them enough to save them, little pieces of ash in the wind blowing away from fires of Armageddon, really little seeds blowing out of a forest fire to grow a tree in a new world and look at all its branches. I hope whatever happened to your great-grandparents the idea of their children having a future was a comfort in the darkest moments. May their memory be a blessing.

#Jewish #Jumblr #Holocaust #asked #answered

[kob131]

that's an uncharitable interpretation and you know it.

No it really isn't. Because they didn't give you the result you wanted, you call them 'not communist' even though they openly espoused and followed Marx's critera.

Collectives are how societies work. humans are innately social beings that survive well in collectives. Government is a tool to manage and support larger collectives of people. In these Authoritarian nations, the government is used as a tool to support an individual, rather than the vast population it's said to protect and support, because systems that were designed to help people were gutted and redirected by heartless, self-serving, conservative idiots that don't know what empathy is, or consider it an inconvenience.

You can call it 'conservative' all you want- If the left's defining ideals are of progress, community and materalism vs. the right's tradition, family and spiritualism then Maoist China, Soviet Russia, Communist Venezuela and Cuba are all left wing because they did believed in progress, community and materalism. You don't even TRY to refute this.

You also seem to forget that humans are naturally individualistic, that collectivist ideology will almost always be inferior to individualist ideology because it's farther from what a human's view actually is.

And finally- Exactly what I said. That it's a totalitarian (i.e. Extreme Authoritarian) government that will always end up with a dictator. You just admitted that the four big countries that tried communism and failed are exactly as I described them.

Don't fucking compare a philosophy based upon mutual support and aid of the working members of society to a system based on oppression and ethnic superiority. Fascism is an ideology that is on the OPPOSITE end of the spectrum of political philosophies to Communism. You'd know that if you knew what the fuck you were talking about.

And you'd remember that the most rundimentary understanding of politics, let alone the more complicated in depth aspects of it, know that there is a Left-Right Axis AND an Authoritarian/Libertarian Axis. And really, what matters more of all is that second one. The first is basically just what flavor of the second you prefer. Whether you are for big or small government is the true deciding factor in ideology. So even if we ignore that the extreme left AND right share tendencies (like antisemitism), they would still be bound close together as authoritarians.

In fact, I can demonstrate the connection between them right now. You know how communists in America today like to point to the wealthy elite and how so many are white men? Well, replace 'white man' with 'Jews' and 'working class' with 'Germans'.

See how few steps it takes from Marx's 'mutual support and aid for the working class' to Hitler's 'dominate and exterminate the Jewish elite for the German workers'?

Then again, the truth is painful to see.

[nightowlwriting]

summary: can't trust anybody

even the tough ones crack

train up a swordsman

to stab you in the back

i na-na-na-na-know this much is true

i'm gonna leave a mark on you

OR

tony comes to talk to you - at you, rather. steve and bucky talk some stuff out. the team decides what to do with you. you find an unlikely friend, maybe, in wanda. she dives a little too far into your mind on fire.

word count: 8.3k (again, somehow)

reader specifics: no race/gender/sexuality/body type mentioned, no pronouns for reader used, enhanced!reader, traumatized!reader

warnings: couple arguments, trauma, aggression towards reader, allusions to antisemitism and historical violence against the jewish community, self-loathing, brief descriptions of torture, mentions of imprisonment, lapse of reality, paranoia, brief mentions of forced food/water restriction, flashbacks, ptsd, trauma responses

note: this is the part two of an ongoing series, find the series masterlist here.

title & summary credit: the mountain goats

mobile masterlist - request - support my work? - ao3

Steve doesn't give Bucky a lot of time to cool off before he rounds on him, confused and seething. "What the hell was that?" He props his hands on his hips, trying not to sound too much like a disappointed dad instead of a partner.

"Why did you take me in there, Steve?" Bucky responds, leaning wearily against a filing cabinet in the meeting room. "What was the point?" He looks bone tired, all of the fight gone after hearing your chest-rattling sobs behind him when he left the cell. Bucky's like that, though: a few minutes of white-hot rage burning out quickly to whatever emotion was the kindling for the fire. That's not how Steve works.

He was calm when Bucky was yelling, the support system to keep everything in check but he doesn't need to be that anymore. The anger consumes him and, yeah, Steve knows it's really because he had been scared to see Bucky lose it like that. Scared, hurt, and confused at the whole situation with you. He doesn't remember you, not really, but there's something about your eyes that tickles a part of his brain he prefers not to think about. "The point?" He's shaking, hands clenched at his sides as the fire licks up his ribs and consumes him, "The point was to get more information!"

"Why me?" Bucky shoots back, some spark coming back, "Why would you take me in there knowing what Hydra did to me? You have it on paper, now! You don't need me to get information!"

"Maybe I shouldn't have taken you in there," Steve agrees with a nod of his head, "But I didn't force you. I didn't drag you in kicking and fuckin' screaming."

"You might as well have!" Bucky throws his hands up - they're shaking too - and he looks away from Steve to try and hide the glossy sheen on his eyes or the way his bottom lip trembles. That kills some of the fire in Steve and suffocates some of the anger. "What makes you think I would want to go in there? Why would I want to face one of the people who did this to me?"

"That person didn't do this to you." Steve's resolve is rock solid and it makes Bucky look up in surprise. "That person isn't Hydra and it's not fair to put that on someone like us." Steve's still pissed, sure, but he's also a stellar tactician. Being angry is going to get him absolutely nowhere except in a fight with Bucky - and then everyone will be miserable. "There are currently three people in the world who have experienced what we have. Two of them are in this room. The last is in that cell. Don't you understand?"

"I don't want to understand," Bucky turns away from Steve's steel gaze. "I don't need to. I need to stay as far away from that shit as possible." Steve's fire goes out, then, and he carefully lets his hands slide over Bucky's shoulders after he sighs, pulling him back until they're slotted chest to back. "I just want to be good."

"You are good, baby," Steve whispers, tucking his chin over Bucky's shoulder, "So good, the best. This doesn't change that. If anyone is to blame for this - it's me." That's the crux of the issue, out in the world. Steve's stomach feels heavy, like it has since he made the realization in the interrogation room. "If the timeline is right, if I'm right, that jet wasn't Hydra. That jet was me. If I hadn't…" Steve's choked up, then, clinging to Bucky like he wants to put him back together again, to turn back time. "You're so good, so, so good. I don't deserve you, baby, I don’t."

Bucky knows better than to argue with Steve when he gets like this - just like Steve knows he’s going to get nowhere yelling. Instead, they hold each other in the silence of their room until Friday calls them to a conference room for a meeting.

You’re left alone in the room until your breath evens out and the tension leeches from your body. Your mind is still spinning out of control but you’re no longer out of touch and without a hold on your powers. The door is locked but it doesn’t matter anymore. You have no will to escape because there’s nothing but a whole new world to escape - plus the guilt on your back makes it physically hard to drag yourself off the floor. You’re not sure what to do after that, so you end up standing in the middle of the room listlessly, like an abandoned ship on a tumultuous ocean.

The only reaction from you when the door opens is to turn your head and see who’s coming to talk to you now. It’s the man that looks like Howard - you have to assume it’s Tony Stark. The dots connect in your head and some more lucid part of your mind whispers to your consciousness: Anthony Stark, Howard’s son. He has to be, if what Sergeant Barnes said is true. “You look like him,” You finally say, voice raw and defeated, “But now that I’m lookin’ at you, really lookin', I can see that you’re not him.” He doesn't reply and something inside of you, the part of you that's still stunted in childhood and yearning for any sort of connection, makes you keep talking. "You have his nose and jaw - but your Mom's eyes. I never met Maria in person, but Howard kept a picture of her on his desk." Tony sits down hard in the chair that Steve had once been in. He temples his hands but still doesn't speak. You can't stand the silence, or his prolonged eye contact, so you look away. "They're dead, aren't they?"

"Long time."

The grief is almost overtaking - it would be if you weren't already so overwhelmed. How did this happen? Just days ago you were running, clutching the lifeline of the Program. It's only been days. Days.

And now everyone you knew, everyone you trusted, is dead.

The thought almost makes your knees give out but you can't, you won't be weak anymore. You'll wait until you're alone, until you're in whatever cell they want to put you in, and then you'll feel. Just like at the Underground, just like your normal routine. For everyone else, it's been decades, apparently, but for you, it's only been hours. The mask slips over your face too easily, hardening your eyes and clenching your jaw. It straightens your shoulders and changes your stance. You were taken and molded into the perfect soldier and from your new, subtle body language it's easy to see that.

"How?"

"I used to blame Barnes, but it seems like I just didn't have all of the information." Tony's face is just as cold as yours when you turn around. He looks just like his father, now, all frozen, calculating gaze and pursed lips. It makes your chest ache. "Turns out there was a chance, not a big one mind you, that someone else could have prevented this from happening." The sneer is minuscule but you see it. You see everything. It's not hard to put two and two together - the Handlers ran the program on Sergeant Barnes. He was enhanced, molded into a weapon - maybe even a better one than you. They used him to take out one of the biggest threats to the Underground. Howard Stark. Maria must have just been collateral damage.

You want to tell Tony that you did your best, but it doesn't matter. Your best wasn't good enough. Nothing really matters now - there's nothing you can say to Tony to take away the pain he's feeling at the loss of his parents. Vaguely, you remember having parents once. You remember loving them. You remember losing them. So you don't say anything to him. Clearly, he's come in here to see you and get things off of his chest so you'll let him.

The lack of response seems to set him off. Tony stands and gets into your space, chest heaving. "Barnes was right about one thing: your best wasn't near good enough. It was just fuckin’ pathetic." He laughs but it's dark, heavy with everything he's feeling. You can already tell that Tony wears most of his emotions on his face, unlike Howard who was always stoic and cold. You watch him leave, see the tension in his back. Guilt chokes you until your vision swims. It takes several minutes but you let yourself sink to the ground again, sitting on your knees and pressing your palms to the cold linoleum.

You can't feel the earth here, spirited away into hallways of wood and metal and electricity. It's always made you feel off kilter - to have access to everything but one. Like four new, invisible limbs - you're tied to the elements, and being without one makes you feel off balance. Now you're searching for it but it's locked off from you, too far away.

Your stomach turns again because it's just how the Handlers want you - unwell, unknowing, unbalanced with one more limb cut off at the base. This place isn't any different, is it? These people? Will they withhold water until you're dying, weak and frail and begging? Will they keep the heat off in the winter, leaving you to shiver against the cold concrete floor of your cell? Will they suspend you so that you can't feel the ground beneath your feet? Leave you swaying and shivering and feeling the vibration of wrong wrong wrong in your muscles? Fuck, you'd really gone out of the pan and into the fire, hadn't you? You still search, looking for that balance your body and mind crave but it's too far away. You're on the third floor.

A few minutes later you're surprised to realize that the strange choking sound is coming from you. You're not crying, not really because the Handlers quelled that right quick when you were a kid. It's more like you're choking on everything happening, everything inside of you that's not supposed to be there. The worst part about it is that you know there are at least three people on the other side of the fucking mirror just watching. Listening. Probably taking notes to add to a shiny, new dossier on you in the shiny, new modern fucking world.

Another person comes in, but you don't care anymore. They could kill you now and it wouldn't matter. You startle when a hand lands on your shoulder and you turn to see a woman crouching next to you with a small smile on her face. She looks young, but carries the weight that the soldiers you met had. The weight you probably hold.

"Hello," She smiles sweetly, "I'm Wanda."

"Wanda," You repeat. You want to give her your name but you're struck, again, with the fact that you don't know who you are here - who you're supposed to be here. She seems to pluck the hesitation from the air around you and instead fishes your tags out from your jumpsuit. She looks at them and takes the information in: your name, your rank, the blank lines here your religion, and your blood type should be. Wanda says that name, your name, and it sends a shock through your system.

"Is this what you'd like to be called?" She asks sweetly, sweeping some of her dark hair behind her ear. "We can call you this if you want." When you slowly nod, she beams, settling back until she's sitting crisscrossed next to you. "I'll make sure to let them know."

You're about to ask who she's going to let know when Wanda shifts, light reflecting off of the silver necklace she's wearing. The sight sends a shiver down your spine because she can't - they'll kill her. Doesn't she know? You reach out and take Wanda's wrist, "Ath tesreyk lhestetr. Revtes, tesa hhevtesh." You whisper in Hebrew, urgently. You have to hide. Run, get out. The chances that the people behind the mirror know Hebrew are slim. Wanda's eyes widen and she glances at your hand on her and then back to your eyes.

"What do you mean?" You cover her Star of David pendant and shuffle closer, already feeling protective. At least this is something you can do and know that you can do.

"They'll kill you if they see this," You drop your voice and duck your head toward Wanda - there are still two people behind the glass watching you, "Please, you have to tuck it into your shirt at least." Her heartbeat is calm, even with your hand pressed to her collarbones. She's not afraid, not even a little bit. Your heart, in contrast, is beating so fast it's making you dizzy. "Ana."

Please.

Wanda lays her hand over yours, eyes softening and head tilting, "Oh, lyuba mayn. That's not - it's a different time now. I'm safe here. I don't have to hide." She squeezes your hand, "Perhaps still dangerous, yes, but here? With the Avengers? I don't have to worry." She smiles again, "You're safe here, too."

"Not safe," You shake your head, leaving your hand snug under Wanda's, "I don't think I've been safe a day in my life." The necklace under your palm reminds you of the time you've come from - the time you feel like you're still in because it's only been a few hours for Christ's sake - and the everything that was happening. The people that built you up and everything they did to you. Had they kept looking for you after all of this time? Did you become a legend? Serdtse, lost in the blisteringly cold ice fields? Serdtse, escaped with the Program? Serdtse, the traitor?

Hell, you're proud to be a traitor. Stealing the Program and running away might be the bravest thing you've done in your entire life - even if it wasn't enough. Even if you can't apologize enough to Sergeant Barnes, to Tony Stark, to Captain Rogers, to yourself… For failing. The bravest thing you've ever done is also your biggest failure. The irony isn't lost on you, even as Wanda helps you to your feet. "We have a room set up for you if you want to get some sleep."

"I'm not sure I want to get any more sleep than I already have." It's not meant to be a joke, but Wanda laughs anyway. Her smile is bright and she shakes her head at you.

"Just as funny as Bucky, lyuba mayn. He makes jokes like that too." She takes your hand in hers so that you have no choice but to follow her to the door. The power surges in the atmosphere around you and it takes your breath away - with just a wave of her fingers the locks on the door unlatch and she pulls you through it. Tony Stark is there with another woman - imposing despite the fact that you have half a foot on her and the sharpest eyes you've ever seen. Her gaze puts you on edge and suddenly, despite what you've told Wanda, you do want to go to sleep. You're exhausted to the bone.

This new woman steps forward and extends a hand. "Natasha Romanoff. Have you heard of the Black Widow Project?" She gets straight to the point it seems.

Shaking her hand, you frown. "No, never. Is that… Were you?" Her silence is the only answer you need. There are a lot of people here like you - the end products of Projects that had no business existing. Even Tony must be one because you've never met anyone with metal in their chest like that. "I'm… I’m sorry." You say after the silence holds on for just a little too long.

"You didn't do it to me." Tony scoffs behind Natasha and turns back to the window to the cell, arms crossed over his chest and jaw clenched. "I'll show you to your room with Wanda. No offense, but you're on thin ice with most of the people here." She breezes from the room and Wanda, still holding your hand, tugs you to follow.

The meeting room is tense. It’s full of most of the Initiative except for Sam and Clint, who are both out on visits to their respective families. Steve and Tony head the conversation, once again on opposite sides. Really, it’s like trying to get Bucky pardoned all over again. It feels like deja vu, except Steve isn’t fighting so many of his friends this time. Mainly just Tony - even Bucky is begrudgingly on his side. Tony is standing with his back to the room and Steve knows it’s because he’s struggling with the concept that his parent’s assassination could have been avoided. Steve feels bad, sure, but he can’t blame you just like he can’t blame Bucky. What’s the new thing they’re teaching in self-defense classes? If you’re getting mugged, just give up your wallet. That’s exactly what you and Bucky had been doing under Hydra.

“We can’t keep doing this,” Tony says for what feels like the twelfth time, “The Initiative can’t keep taking in God damn strays because you feel bad, Rogers.” Bucky sighs from where he’s sitting, probably deciding to skip that particular fight.

“It’s not because I feel bad,” Steve shakes his head, looking to anyone for help. Bucky has effectively shut down, not that he blames his partner for doing that, but even Natasha and Wanda aren't saying anything to defend you. They’d both treated you nicely, too, and told Steve that they were on board with bringing you onto the team - or at least into the fold so that you weren’t just thrown into the modern world with no help. He knows how bad it feels, how confusing everything is. Bucky does too, to a lesser extent. He’d gotten some memories back after his time in Wakanda so the new world isn’t completely foreign to him. Not like it had been to Steve. “It’s because it’s the right thing to do.”

“Come on, you can’t really believe that.” Tony turns and Steve can tell that he knows it’s true. He knows it’s true, but he doesn’t want it to be. “Can’t even call it Hydra, keep callin’ it some bullshit like the Underground. How do we know this isn’t a plant, huh?” Tony postures, crossing his arms and trying to appear bigger than he actually is. It doesn’t work because Steve has a foot on him and at least a buck fifty. “Some plan to take us own from the inside? Some Burning Staff lackey getting frozen in hope we’d be the ones to thaw them out?”

“I don’t think anyone is that good of an actor, Tony. You saw that wind just as well as Buck and I felt it.” Steve leans heavily against the table, looking for anyone to join the fight with him. Natasha and Wanda sit next to each other, watching but not saying anything. Bruce has his head down like he’s praying, but Steve knows he’s really assembling a comprehensive pro and con list about you in his head. Nobody else will even sniff in Steve’s direction, afraid of drawing the Captain’s ire. “Besides, you heard what Wanda said. Would a Hydra agent really try to warn her about wearin’ her Star of David publicly? Or be so worried about the paperwork and plans? It’s all legit, Tony. You know that as well as I do.” He takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself. To Steve… It feels like he’s fighting for himself as much as fighting for you. Fighting for Bucky and Wanda, too. “We were both there when Friday said it all checked out. There’s even information there that we don’t have.” Steve knows he’s winning when Tony looks away again. “But now we have it - and you know exactly why we have it now.”

“It’s still a threat.” Tony says finally, “Friday can only do so much to track around this place. Eventually, we’re going to have to see how deep the programming goes.” Everyone notices when Bucky bristles hard but nobody mentions it. Steve’s thankful because that comment is going to spark some nightmares tonight. If he knows Bucky, and he does, they’ll be awake most of the night together, shivering despite their apartment being an even seventy degrees.

“I’m sure that will be fine,” Steve says carefully, watching his partner from the corner of his eye, “We’ll eventually have to figure out the breadth of the power and serum, too. I don’t disagree with you there, Tony. I just think you’re blamin’ all the wrong people when it comes to things that have happened to you. We all are.” He can’t help but look at Bucky, then. He turns away after a moment because the shame on Bucky’s face is too much to handle right now. Steve will deal with that later tonight, when they’re safe in bed. Hopefully, before the nightmares come to take them both under their respective ice. “It’s been decades for all of us. All of us except the person who sought me out to try and prevent half of the shit we’ve been through from happenin’.”

“How, pray tell, is that our problem?!” Tony explodes, throwing his hands up, “We’re not the ones that sealed ourselves under the ice for that long! Why do we have to clean up a mess we didn’t make?”

“Can it, Stark.” Natasha finally speaks, standing up. “Our job is to clean up messes we don’t make - or have you forgotten all of the times we’ve bailed you out?”

Tony rounds on her, fury in his brown eyes. “Oh, don’t even start on that, sister. How many of your messes have we cleaned up?”

“Natasha is perfectly capable of cleaning up her own messes.” Bucky stands too, eyes icy as he defends her. “Everyone in this room knows it. She’s half the reason we’re still standin’ and not buried under rubble somewhere. You should probably get your head out of your ass and realize that.”

“Oh, fucking blow me, C-3PO.” Tony fires back immediately. Steve stands to his full height, ready to jump in if he sees Bucky getting too overwhelmed - but he won’t take this chance to parlay with Tony away since he very rarely sees his boyfriend stand up for himself. “We all saw the meltdown you had in there. You were ten seconds away from ending your pardon with a snapped neck.”

“Tony…”

“My breakdown doesn’t give you an excuse to act like a prick,” Bucky says after a deep breath, “I hate it as much as you do, trust me, but what else are we going to do? Seriously, fuckin’ think about it for a second, man. Even Steve had a shadow for the first three months after he was unthawed.” When Bucky glances at him, uncertain about dragging him back into the throw of the argument, Steve smiles softly. That’s exactly the point he was trying to get, but he probably wouldn’t have said it nearly as well. Tony chews on his words, finally thinking about what has to happen.

“I think,” Wanda chimes in, all young naivete where it matters and hardened warrior where it counts, “That between everyone on this team that’s enhanced or has advanced tools, we can keep the agents in the compound safe and help our new friend acclimate to the modern world. After that, we give the choice: go, live life and possibly end up taken by Hydra again or work with us. Fight with us.” She shrugs like it was the easiest thing in the world to come up with, “I’m sure that once Hydra realizes that - what did the file say? Serdste? - once they realize Serdste is alive and well they will not stop until they get their weapon back. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my time here, it’s that we don’t treat people as weapons. Doesn’t everyone deserve a chance to feel that, Tzfoni?” She tilts her head innocently and Steve can’t stop the wry smile that curls up his face at her innocent tone.

He’d asked Wanda why she called Tony that on occasion, because it wasn’t always that she used it - and it seems to get under Tony’s skin. She’d explained that it was old, Hebrew slang that her brother used a lot: tzfoni had a literal translation, sure, but she used it to mean a snobby, rich person. Steve had laughed until his face was red when he imagined someone as sweet as Wanda purposefully getting on Tony’s nerves like that. Now it’s the perfect punctuation to a gotcha sentence. He watches his friend’s entire body twitch at the nickname but Steve knows he’s already giving up. There’s too much opposition with too many good points to keep arguing.

Tony wants to pretend he’s hard logic and fine lines, but Steve knows better. Iron Man might be all of those things but Tony is Iron Man in the same way that Steve is Captain America. Not always, not fully. The lines are blurry, but they’re faint. They’re there. It’s enough to remind them of who they really are, underneath all of the machismo and posturing they have to do as the two biggest names on the team. Maybe that’s why Steve doesn’t walk away - he and Tony are just too much alike, two lines running parallel to each other. He knows he’s won the argument when Tony sighs and drops into a seat, head falling into his hands. “How are we supposed to do this?”

“Well, Stevie and I have plenty of experience bein’ the fish outta water,” Bucky sits back down, looking put out at the fact that he’s admitting what Steve has been thinking: putting the two of them on your case is probably the best thing to do. “Besides, clearly there’s already a connection to Steve there. You, too, if you hadn’t shown your ass like that.” Tony scoffs and when he looks away, Steve can see the tears glossing over his eyes.

“We can only move on,” He finally cuts back in, “And prove that we can be trusted to help. I’m sure Wanda’s already seen as an ally, too. That’s good. We can use that.”

Wanda frowns and plays with her pendant, “I’m not sure I want to use that, Steve. I don’t want to misuse any trust that I have. It feels wrong.”

“You can be the Hydra agent’s friend. Nobody here is stopping you, little witch,” Tony grumbles, standing and making his way to the door, “I’m the only one with a clear fuckin’ head, it seems. See if I care what goes on - just make sure you do the fuckin’ paperwork.”

You stand in the room Wanda and Natasha have shown you to for a little too long. They’d told you that they’d be back with dinner and something called a laptop - so that you could pick out clothes to wear that weren’t your coveralls - but you weren’t holding your breath on seeing them again. You’d given the Avengers, that was what Wanda had called them, all of your information. Now you’re functionally useless to them.

Still, the cell is nicer than you’re used to. It’s an open-concept cell except for the bathroom - with a door and everything - and there’s a large bed pushed into the far corner. The room has a couch, too, and a small kitchenette and… A strange screen that, once you decided to look around more, is hooked directly into the wall. It almost seems like it should be a television set, but everything you remember about the few times you’ve seen those… Those are huge, built into wooden cabinets with tiny screens. This doesn’t seem anything like that. Besides, even if it was a television set, why would you have one in your cell? It makes your skin crawl to have these amenities when not even fourteen hours ago you were sitting curled up in the corner of a leaking, dank, concrete box.

No - not fourteen hours ago.

Years.

Decades.

A lifetime.

The thought makes you sweat and, shit, maybe you are more tired than you originally thought. Normally you’re pretty good at regulating your internal temperature just by virtue of your abilities, but now you’re sweating bullets. It’s not even that hot in the cell, maybe an even seventy degrees, but you feel like you’re baking alive. It takes a few minutes of pacing before you finally decide to strip off the top half of your coveralls, tying them around your waist with the sleeves. Your white undershirt is already soaking through with your sweat and - well, maybe it’s because you’re nervous? Because you’d lost control in the other cell?

You still can’t feel the earth and it’s driving you insane. You’d spent such a brief amount of time in perfect balance during your escapes and you yearn for that. You want to feel the sun on your face, the grass underneath your feet, the breeze, the humidity. It feels like you’re about to cry: the burning in your throat, the tightening in your chest, the shaking of your hands. But you can’t cry - even if the Avengers are different than the Handlers, you know they’re watching you somehow. The Handlers used to put someone in the cell next to yours and they’d have to look through a drill hole every half an hour to make sure that you’re not doing anything you shouldn’t have been. You’d killed that guard easily - without even stepping toward the hole you weren’t supposed to know about. So, yeah, you’re sure the Avengers are watching you. Why wouldn’t they be?

You don’t cry. Instead, you lace your fingers behind your head and stretch your back, taking deep and measured breaths. After a few moments you finally physically relax in the hopes that you’ll mentally relax, too. Instead of crawling into the bed, you tug the bedding from the mattress and find the corner where the frame meets the wall. You make something like a nest so that you can sleep sitting up, leaning into the crevice the bed being against the wall makes.

It’s still softer than you’re used to, but somehow you manage to find a fitful sleep. It lasts for what feels like a few hours, but you still wake up panicked and panting. The room around you hasn’t changed, save for the sun beginning to go down and leaving the room darkening slightly every few minutes. You stay completely still until you’re sure that you haven’t been blasted several decades into the future again. Nothing in the room has decayed, or become decrepit as you’d expect after another time jump. The only thing that’s different is the ice slowly creeping out from where your hands are planted on the floor. You can see your breath when you exhale.

When your door begins to open, you shrink back into the enclave you’ve made, hiding from sight. “Christ,” Someone grumbles - it doesn’t take you long to recognize the timber and vocal fry of Sergeant Barnes, “It’s freezing in here.” He looks around for a second, but his eyes find you almost immediately. “That ‘cause of you?”

But you don’t speak. The last time you’d seen him he’d been near feral with rage. He looks calm, now, but you know that sort of calm. There are still turbulent emotions just under the surface there and, honestly, you’d seen that one too many times on the Handlers. You know that if you say something wrong, anything wrong, it might just give him the excuse he’s looking for. Instead of speaking you opt for a nod, curling your hands into fists until your nails are pressing painfully against your palms. Now that you’ve had some sleep it’s easier to control your internal temperature, so you bring it up until you’re ambiently heating the room. You’re sure that Sergeant Barnes doesn’t like the cold. He sighs when he takes a step forward and you don’t move, hands coming up to rest on his hips. “Look, I know it’s late but you gotta eat dinner. Can’t just starve yourself out in here.”

“Dinner?” You’re starving, but you get breakfast - and it’s usually a protein shake given to you in your cell. You only get real food if you’re being sent out into the field. “I don’t - you don’t have to give me dinner.”

Sergeant Barnes looks at you so deeply that it makes you uncomfortable. It makes you want to crawl out of your skin, actually. Instead of doing anything like that you stand up, still pressed into the corner between the bed and the wall. “Of course we’re goin’ to feed you dinner, we’re not animals.” He finally grumbles, “We’ll feed you breakfast and lunch, too. Come on.” Sergeant Barnes jerks his head toward your door and then turns his back on you. You wonder if it’s a test or not, but you don’t want to find out so you follow him. He leads you down the hallway even though you’re always five steps behind him - getting close to him doesn’t seem like a good idea.

He disappears through an open doorway but you linger. A million scenarios hit you all at once and it freezes you to the spot. He wasn't escorting you like the Handlers do but you have the unwavering sense that you're being watched at every moment. It makes your skin crawl and your shoulders shift until you're shrugging in on yourself, left shaking in an empty hallway.

And then Captain Rogers calls your name. He appeared around the corner searching for you and then grinned when he spotted you. “There you are! I thought Bucky had left you in your room.” He jerks his head behind him, where you can hear the idle chatter of several people. You recognize some of the voices - Natasha, Wanda, Tony - but others are completely unfamiliar. As if Captain Rogers can taste your hesitation in the air, he takes a soft step forward. “Listen, I know you’re scared. Just one dinner, and then we can sit down with everyone and talk about what’s next.”

“Why am I not eating in my room?” You ask, doing your best not to crane your neck to try and see around his broad frame, “Surely I can’t get into any trouble there.” He cocks his head but then a small smile breaks over his face again. “What?”

“We want you to eat with us. Wanda even saved you a seat. I can have your food delivered to your room if you want…” Steve laughs when you shake your head, fingers flexing into the fabric bunched around your waist. He turns to lead you back into the dining area but then stops and turns back to you with a grimace. “Listen, I know that you know me as Captain Rogers but I haven’t heard the end of it from the others. Think you could call me Steve?”

Owlishly, you blink. “Call you by your first name?” You ask incredulously, “I - no. That’s wrong. You deserve the respect of being addressed by your title.”

“I’m not really Captain Rogers here,” He leans forward to lower his voice, but you flinch away instinctually, “I’m just Steve here. Please, it’s much more respectful to use my name - and Bucky’s for that matter.” You follow his broad back into the dining room where a lot of people are waiting for you. Sergeant Barnes - Bucky - has already gotten his food and is tucked into a corner, eating sullenly and silently. You don’t miss the fact that he eyes you warily as you follow Steve into the room, as if you’re going to burn them all with one swoop of your arm.

You could, too, if you really wanted to. But that’s the key thing - you don’t want to. That’s why you hadn’t turned on Howard like the Handlers thought you would. The things they did to you turned you into a perfect soldier for them, but it also gave you a will that wasn’t easily broken. It’s why when you saw Sergeant Barnes brought in, about to be put through all of the same things you’d gone through, that you’d escaped. If you were anyone but you, it probably wouldn’t have been possible. But you’d sacrificed everything to do that and couldn’t even manage to do it right.

Wanda skips toward you with a smile on her face, casual clothes replacing the battle-ready outfit she had been wearing earlier in the day. “Did you have a good nap?” You nod and wring your hands in your uniform. She frowns and plucks at the tied-up sleeves, “I tried to convince Tasha to let me wake you so that we could get you some new clothes, but she said no. I’m sure we have something that you like here at the Compound, but if not we can order it in.”

“I’ve learned in my life,” Natasha pauses dramatically to take a drink of her wine, “That you do not wake up a sleeping supersoldier. Especially after they’ve just been unthawed.” She smiles, then, and waves her fingers at you from her place between a scowling Tony and a man who is looking at you like he wants to peel you apart and see how you’re made. If you hadn’t grown up around men like that, it might have made you uncomfortable. You smile at them, but it’s more of a grimace.

“I wouldn’t have been angry,” You finally say, trying to break the awkward silence that had settled, “I didn’t sleep that long I don’t think.” She tugs you by your wrist to the table where more food than you’ve seen in your life is stacked up. It makes sense - the amount of calories just regular agents would need to intake to keep their form is probably more than a civilian, but they’re also feeding people who are enhanced with other powers or with serums. People like you require more calories than normal to keep running - and you more than that. Before the serum, you were able to eat at least double the other subjects because of how your body burned calories using your extra limbs but after? You’ve been chronically hungry since that first shot.

Still, the amount of food makes you sick to your stomach. The saliva in your mouth sours because you’re not sure you can eat any of it, let alone keep it down. It's been a few months since you’ve had any amount of solid food because they reserved that for the days before fieldwork. It always took two days before you would stop heaving after taking a bite but then once the mission was done it was back to protein shakes. You try to keep the look off of your face, but Sergeant Barnes - fuck, Bucky - manages to catch it. He sighs and then gives a meaningful look to Steve, who’d moved to hover around his friend. Wanda sits you down just as Steve disappears through a side door but you barely notice; she’d sat you down face-to-face with Tony Stark. He’s staring at you, eyes red-rimmed but so faint it looks like he hasn’t been crying for a long time, but that he’d cried hard when it was happening. You want to squirm under his gaze, but instead, you just take a deep, grounding breath.

He takes a sip of what is either a clear soda or water and then sets his glass down hard just as Steve comes back into the room. “We should kill you.” It’s a statement, a belief, and you find yourself almost agreeing because of the resolve that he says it with.

“Tony!” The man on Wanda’s other side says.

“Stark!” Steve grumbles at the same time. He has a milkshake glass in his hand, complete with a dark blue straw. Your stomach turns at the thought of the chalky protein drink but it has to be better than trying to eat solid food.

“I’m right,” Tony huffs, leaning back in his seat.

“No,” The man two seats down says, leveling Tony with what you would call an annoyed brother’s gaze, “You’re rude and sulking. Cut it out.” He leans around Wanda and extends a hand, “I’m Bruce Banner.” You blink at his hand for a moment before you realize he wants you to shake it. It’s the first time in a long time that someone had initiated respectful contact with you - Wanda dragging you around by your wrist made you feel like a petulant child more than anything else. Your hand visibly tremors as you set it in his. “I have to say, your case is fascinating. I’ve been through the notes you brought us four or five times.”

Steve finally unfreezes and sets the milkshake glass down in front of you. “Bruce, come on. Remember we talked about time to breathe?” He sits down on your other side and tries to smile reassuringly at you. “Try to ignore Tony. He’ll eventually come to terms with it. Bucky lives here, after all.”

“And I’m the one that actually killed them,” Bucky chimes in, still eating his dinner. He’s eating some sort of soup-noodle dish and you can’t see it on the table anywhere. He must have made it himself. Tentatively, while watching as Tony whips around to point a threatening finger at Bucky, you sip at the drink in front of you. You’re prepared for the fact that it’s going to taste terrible but then the slush hits your tongue and your eyebrows shoot up. It’s sweet - overly so. Swallowing the first mouthful you reel back, blinking. Wanda giggles, serving herself a hefty portion of the food in front of her. You’re not sure you’ve had something this sweet in your life - even the sweets in your k-rations in the war weren’t as potent as this. It floods your mouth and makes it water. Steve laughs when he realizes what the problem is. “Oh, my god.” You say, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand, “How do you guys still have teeth?”

Bucky laughs too but it’s just a short burst of gunfire-like laughter. “I told you we should’a hit up the Smithsonian for some’a those rations, Stevie.” He fills his mouth again, cocking  an eyebrow at you, “Don’t let him kid you - I’ve seen the video of the first time he had one’a those after bein’ unfroze. his reaction was worse.” You smile softly and then cut your eyes to the drink.

“This can’t be the same thing the Handlers make me drink,” You say slowly, “Which I guess is a good thing.”

“It’s just a lot,” Wanda supplies, digging into her own food. She looks expectantly at Steve when he props his elbows on the table.

“We can get you something else if you can’t…” He looks genuinely worried and you frown. You don’t want him to be worried about you because you’d seen Steve worried far too much out on the field with him. You didn’t want him to worry about anything after the life that he’s lived. You realize you’ve been staring when a thought startles you - how is he alive?

“No, it’s fine,” You take another drink and try to hide your grimace behind a smile. Even Bruce laughs at your pathetic attempt to make him feel better. After you manage to swallow you lick your lips, apprehension rising in you. “Not to be rude, Cap - Steve - but how exactly are you alive? Not that you wouldn’t be alive naturally, but you… Haven’t really aged.” A new thought dawns on you and it comes out of your mouth before you can stop it. Wanda’s laughing before you can even form the first word. “Oh, does the serum stop aging?” Panic rises in your chest at the thought - you don’t want to live forever.

“No! No, it doesn’t stop aging!” He squashes that thought before it can gain any more traction. Steve sets a gentle hand on your shoulder, telegraphing his movements so you don’t go on the defensive, “It’s… Complicated. I promise we’re goin’ to answer all of your questions - don’t think I forgot about what I said when I found you. We just have to get through some red tape first. There’s some paperwork we have to fill out; you’re not technically a citizen, you don’t have a social security card, you don’t have any official paperwork that says you’re alive.” He sighs, “And we have to get a medical baseline if you’re goin’ to live here - which, I, uh, highly suggest you do.” His hand falls from your shoulder.

The phrase hits you wrong but instead of lashing out, you take another deep breath and nod. Instead of replying you turn back to your protein shake, hellbent on finishing it even through its sickly sweet flavor. Tony catches your eye again and holds contact for three heartbeats before he gets up and moves to a different seat, leaving Bucky more in your sight than before. He’s watching you suffer through the drink with rapt eyes, like it makes him happy to watch you try to convince Steve that it’s fine, really, you don’t need anything else because you’re used to protein shakes… Even if the ones you’re used to are chalkier. Maybe he was enjoying it.

By the time you’re finishing the drink, Natasha has left the room in search of a tape measure so that she can figure out what size of clothing you wear. She says she’ll come back with whatever the hell a laptop is - nobody has explained that to you yet - and as soon as she’s out of the door, Bruce calls your attention. “I’ve arranged for a friend to come down and check you out,” He misses the way you seize up in fear, trying to keep your ass in your seat, “Nothing to worry about, of course, just routine when a new person moves into the Compound.” Bruce seems to ponder you for a moment and if he were a supersoldier like you he’d be able to hear your heart jackrabbiting in your chest. “I supposed, at this point, it’s also routine when a person is unfrozen from a cryosleep - no matter how they found themselves in it.” His smile is wry but you have a feeling that’s genuine for the man. He seems a little reserved; more reserved than even you are.

It’s the next few moments that you don’t really remember. They blur together in adrenaline and panic but you know the basics, like how you’d remember a dream you’d had as a child. Steve stands to retrieve someone from the elevator and when they come back your emotions choke you like a tarry smoke, swirling and pulsing and alive in your body. You don’t even see the woman’s face that’s with Steve - it’s blurry like a censored photo. But her jacket. You see her jacket.

You recognize her jacket.

It snaps something inside of you. A master of multitasking, when you stand so hard that your chair rocks backward, Bucky is jerked away from the woman by his arm. It’s metal, a beacon in the room to your other senses. He shouts but you’re already taking up the defensive, slotting your body between this new woman and Bucky - also Tony, Bruce, and Wanda by happenstance. The next second you feel rage ignite within you because how dare they come for him? How dare they weasel their way into the good graces of the people who gave you food and shelter and let you out of your room to eat? The thought that they’re working with Steve and the rest doesn’t even cross your mind at that moment because everything is heat and fire and anger and revenge.

The flames start at your fingertips like matchsticks and lick up your arms until you have one arm behind you, keeping the others safe and one arm held out like a torch, ready to attack. That’s when you come back to yourself, looking at this woman without a face and Steve’s shock. Natasha swings around the doorway and drops something, drawing a gun from her waistband. Doesn’t matter - bullets are metal.

The grief and pain surge to the forefront of your mind without permission and then Wanda screams. You can feel her in your head, prying and digging and trying to figure out what you’re doing. She shifts through your memories, taking your conscious mind into the not-so-distant past. Like photographic slides, she brings every memory of those coats to the front of your mind.

Pain. Blood. Tests. Maze. Running. Falling. Shocks. Maze. Running. Blood. Blades. Pain. Darkness. Blood. Needles. Begging, pleading, please, God, make it stop! I’ll do anything, please! I don’t want to run anymore! I don’t want to kill! No more mazes, please, I can’t run anymore! No, I’ll be good, please, not the chair!

Steve takes a step forward and you realize Wanda is still screaming, pulling words from your memories and making them real now. The fire crawls unbidden over the arch of your shoulders but doesn’t burn your skin or clothes. “Wan? What’s wrong?”

From behind you, no doubt nursing a sore on his head, Bucky speaks up sounding just as panicked as you feel. “The coat, Steve, the white lab coat!” His voice sounds strangled over Wanda’s screams but you can’t process what he’s saying. “Helen, take the coat off!” The woman pulls the coat off but it’s too late - those fucking coats have haunted you since you can remember. They won’t take you back, they won’t take Bucky back. They certainly won’t take anyone else on your watch, not if you can help it.

The first time you tried to protect someone from living your life, you had failed.

But this time? You’ll succeed or die trying.

make peace with your family

you walk softly on this earth

i'm gonna leave a mark on you

#dark in here #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers/reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes/reader #bucky barnes imagine #stucky/reader #stucky x reader #mcu imagine #marvel imagine

[broke-on-books]

May I ask about your beef with T.S. Elliott? I don't know much about him, but I'm curious as to your opinions on him.

Um well I don't like Eliot for many reasons (I wrote a whole blog post on this for school haha) so I'll try to make it quick but it really breaks down to three subjects for me

1. His personal life

2. His actual body of work

3. His reception and legacy

In terms of personal life, he of course really sucked, like (this is from memory so there may be mistakes) he institutionalized his wife and didn't visit her for a decade (and she died in the institution), he also was publically antisemitic, and very, very good friends (like besties) with Ezra Pound, the poet whose most famous poem is his 800 page lament on the fall of Mussolini and spent all of wwii betraying his country and making + promoting axis propaganda, so that's just like a whole can of worms there to unpack.

With his like actual work stuff, this is probably where I give him the most leeway bc he has a few lines that genuinely go really fucking hard. Like there are some lines where I 100% understand why he is a behemoth in the world of poetry. Like "this is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper" and "do I dare disturb the universe? In a minute there is time for decision and revisions which a minute can reverse" and "I will show you fear in a handful of dust" all go so hard. They do. This is true. But the rest of his work is just really nonsensical to me (and I've read his most famous pieces many times) and requires heavy academic investment to try and understand. I'm talking like intense knowledge of classical and medieval works, at least 3 languages besides English, etc.

Like there's more deciphering involved than actual poetry (I think in the book for the Waste Land there literally is more end notes than poem. And that poem is Long). And like this feeds into the third point I have which is the reception of his stuff and how I hate that T S Eliot is put up as like "total genius, greatest of all time, PINNACLE of poetry" by some people. Because I very think it starts falling into an elitist attitude of "getting" Eliot and seeing like deciphering these pieces as some sort of accomplishment on its own in a way that doesn't feel genuine to me.

Like there's just something off there about the vibes to me. That for some people they care more abt "understanding" Eliot then engaging w the themes of the poems themselves and then just brag about reading Eliot a lot (and likely Pound too and much of the imagist movement) in a way that again I just don't like.

And I think doing this and lifting Eliot up so high when his poetry is in the style it is actually hurt poetry a bit as an art form because like. It is what poetry haters accuse poetry of being like it's inaccessible, complicated, hard to read, and people get snobby about it. And I think people see that and get the wrong idea or confirm wrong ideas they had about poetry as a whole from his work which breaks me heart.

TLDR Eliot has a couple lines I think are absolute fire, but I dislike most of work. I don't like the imprint him and his reputation have had in regard to poetry, and I think he was a horrible human being.

& Every once and a while I'll read some of his more popular poems to check that they're still bad and pay a visit to the one line I like hidden within 60 bad ones

#also im not saying that his stuff isnt interesting if you get all the references. its possible that it is and really is that amazing or #whatever. i just dont speak french and italian and sanskrit and have deep knowledge of myths and texts (classic and medieval) from like #all of europe and also india. like ahduahdhr cmon #not trying to sound anti intellectual here because i definitely not and if you enjoy eliot go for it. again there are pieces i like #im just not a fan of the attitude around him and his stuff is purposely obtuse and i think that should be said #that its not the standard or the norm or the goal or the ANYTHING of poetry. its just a poem that ppl can decide they like or dont #<that comment amd much of this post is abt the waste land btw #hope that makes you happy anon

[opinated-user]

One thing I always found weird about Lily's hatred for Rebecca Sugar (besides, you know, it's existence) is that i remember Lily occasionally bringing up how much Sugar made financially and being like "Y'all thought being an executive producer didn't pay? She's a millionaire" but like... What does that have to do with anything. Sugar isn't part of the 1%, she's not Elon musk, what does this have to do with how supposedly shitty her show is? How is her getting paid for her work a point of critique? This is another reason why I personally believe Lily is jealous of Sugar. It genuinely feels like she's not just mad a show she hates is to this day beloved, but like she's jealous of how successful and beloved Sugar herself is, that her show was an incredibly important part in LGBTQA+ rep history, and in smaller part, of how much she made financially off all of it.

you're absolutely not the only one who had that impression. for years LO has tried her absolute best to diminish any accomplishment that Sugar had.

has her show won awards? then the people giving awards were wrong because they didn't understand they were liking nazi propaganda (according to LO the Gentile who refuses to hear jewish people)

is her show still being fondly remembered by people as one of the necesary pillars that allowed for more queer content? everyone is wrong actually, this old anime from the 60 was a bigger difference and deserves the recognition more (according to LO who famously hates anime and has a media library as deep as a drop of water).

do people enjoy her music and say it was one of the best aspects of the show? the music is bad on a fundamental level that only LO, our "musically inclined" (don't ask what that means, you won't get an answer) genius, can discern and you should feel bad for liking it at all on the first place.

all of this without even counting all the times that LO insulted Sugar's appearence (bordering on antisemitic comments when she called her jewish hair as a mop) and pushed the narrative that Sugar is a creep because:

1. stevonnie exist.

2. she made NSFW drawings when she was a teenager and then deleted them long before she worked on the industry (but LO can flash her naked body multiple times, talk about sucking her wife during streams, comment she's naked and invite fans for sex, on top of having a NSFW gallery available for anyone to see and she is not and will never be a creep).

on top of the accusations without any base or foundation that Sugar coddles nazis.

jelousy actually is the only explanation that makes the most sense. LO wants to be a referent for LGBT+ media, she wants to be a recognized creator, and she isn't but Sugar is. nobody could say in good faith that SU alone is worth this level of vitriol for so long.

#lily orchard

[slyandthefamilybook]

Years ago, when I first joined tumblr, I posted some gun control posts and immediately my posts were brigaded by the gunblr community. But at the time, I didn’t know what gunblr even was, so for a period of time I just thought that my opinion was unpopular and in the minority. But once I learned what gunblr was (gun nuts who value guns above all else), it helped me gain a broader understanding and know that I was not alone nor in the minority in my opinions on gun control. That all said to say this: I absolutely agree with your point about using the word Zionist sparingly, lest you might be mistaken for a white nationalist … BUT … I worry that if we do not openly discuss *what* Zionism is, people will be misled into believing that anti-Zionism is the same as antisemitism, when it is not. I try not to overly use the word for the reasons you mentioned, but it is not a slur or a bad word. It’s a descriptive adjective. We HAVE to be able to honestly name things so that people aren’t ignorant and easily manipulated. That conversation *should* always be informed by Jewish scholars (and others!) who are knowledgeable and best understand Zionism, but I don’t believe that that discussion should be reserved ONLY for learned scholars. Whew. It’s definitely a tough topic to easily broach. No harm or disrespect intended. I value your opinion.

I absolutely agree that Zionism should be open to discussion. I think I even clarified that in that post

unfortunately, I do think Zionist has become a slur. this is to say nothing of Zionism one way or another, but it's become so dissassociated from its actual meaning (like how people will say "oh faggot isn't a slur, it means a bundle of sticks!". like, no, not the way people use it it doesn't).

When goyim call someone a Zionist, they're not saying "this person believes in Zionism (/ˈzaɪənɪzəm/; Hebrew: צִיּוֹנוּת Ṣīyyonūt, Hebrew pronunciation: [t͡sijo̞ˈnut]; derived from Zion) is a nationalist[fn 1] movement that emerged in the 19th century to enable the establishment of a homeland for the Jewish people in Palestine,[3][4][5][6] a region roughly corresponding to the Land of Israel in Jewish tradition." People who absolutely don't associate with Zionism (like myself) get called Zionists for talking about antisemitism, or Hamas' war crimes. No consideration is given for what the person actually believes (similar to how people will call Elon Musk a TERF despite him not being a feminist, let alone a radical one)

This is anecdotal, but I was once hanging out with a woman who, apropos of nothing, asked "Hey, are you a Zionist?", solely becuase she knew I'm Jewish. I had to hurriedly explain to her that while I supported the right of Jewish people to live in Israel, I didn't support the Israeli government or the IDF. (That situation reminded me a lot of when I was working at a pizza place and this old lady standing at the counter waiting for her order asked if I was "antifa" because I had blue hair)

political labels can be useful shorthand, but they should not replace nuanced discussion

#ask #anonymous

[snowdeong]

My opinion on what just happened (because I'm black and African and while antisemitism and anti-blackness aren't the same, they way that these issues show up in kpop are similar and I've wanted to rant about them for a while)

Also this is so messy but I'm one of those people that needs to write out my thoughts in longform to understand how I feel about something so if anyone actually reads this hwghwg sorry.

First things first, at the end of the day Chae's probs not an anti-semite. Ofc that's not for me to say like I said I'm black and ugandan, not Jewish, but simplifying the whole thing to just Chae as an individual won't solve the real problem at hand here. THAT BEING SAID wearing that shirt and posting a pic on her ig with a fuck tonne of followers from different places in the world is insensitive and anti-semetic plain and simple whether she's aware of that or not. She's not just posting this to certain fans who'd know all the context lmao. And again context or not, that symbol is harmful all the context in the world won't erase that. We as fans should be educating her not trying to hide that it happened wtf? The problem is bigger than just chae or the group or even the kpop industry yes but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't raise awareness about wtf happened and talk about it.

Idk why kpop stans boil serious issues down to "protecting their faves" or attacking an idol they dislike. This is serious and fucking hurtful in a real way wtf??? I really think our concern should be for all the Jewish folk and other affected groups randomly seeing someone they might stan wearing such a hateful symbol casually and then also having to see people defend her like??? Liking someone or something should also mean having the capability to criticise that person or thing. You can stan someone and call them out on bullshit.

Also something I think a lot of koop stans don't seem to understand is that all these companies don't actually give af about us beyond our money. So being a global group doesn't actually mean the company will do the work to teach their idols that being a global group means that there's some shit you should be aware of. And I say teach the idols not because I don't expect them to do individual work, but because we've seen how this cycle goes lmao. An idol says or wears something offensive, the fandom gets mad, they rush an apology and the loop continues. Companies that actually gave af about us would see this shit happening to other companies and go "okay here's shit you should and should not know" to their idols. But they don't and they won't ever probably and the sooner we learn that the sooner we'll stop being so "surprised" when this shit happens.

Now about Chae as an individual. I'm def dissapointed but again I'm also not surprised. And I don't mean that in a "oh obvs she's bigoted" way like Chae is such a loving person and I really admire and love her I wouldn't stan the group if I thought they were shitty people. If she said she said that she didn't know what that meant I'd really believe her because I know that if she did she's not the sort that'd be out here flaunting hate on her instagram of all things. I might be deluded from stanning and all but I genuinely believe that.

Pop culture is racist, pop culture is anti-semetic, pop culture is queerphobic, pop culture is bigoted. The way that a Ugandan would probably be confised if you asked them what that symbol is, I'm sure is the same way it is in SK because the western content that's transferred over is extremely whitewashed shit (that's the context I mentioned earlier). When I say whitewashed I don't mean just white people I mean that the majority of it is white approved tm, it fits within the white patriarchal cishetnormative framework that's been established and pepetuated for years and years and years. That's not to say we shouldn't do our individual research ofc like especially if you're going to be an idol ffs, we should always be mindful. But again, if all the stuff readily available to you is bigoted then you're not going to look at a shirt with a certain symbol on it and immediately get that wearing that is fucked up.

(We also need to take into account the fact that that symbol means something totally different within different Asian religions. Not an excuse for her, just a fact that a lot of people unfortunately don't know cause they don't know anything about Buddhism and the like. I personally only learnt this last year while reading Bleach)

I don't say any of this as a defense I just think that we as minorities need to understand that the world is designed in a way where our trauma is constantly downplayed and erased. And that fucking sucks but that's how oppression keeps perpetuating itself. As a black kpop stan I've had to see so much bullshit lmao so I know it's hard to accept that there's a possibility that none of this will change. I'm all for assuming the best of people but it's also important to keep this in mind about everyone.

I really hope Jewish and other affected folks heal from this and recieve a genuine apology for the love of fuck. I do believe that Chae's not a hateful person truly but I hope that this teaches her, the girls and all other artists that it doesn't stop at just not being hateful. We have to put in work to be mindful, that's the best way to be loving to the people around you. I also hope jyp as a company takes this as an initiative to actually teach their idols shit about world issues if they're gonna be promoted globaly (but tbh I'm not holding my breath on this lmao like companies ain't shit)

#tldr: she fucked up and should apologise #it doesn't matter if she's actually anti-semetic herself or not people are hurt by that symbol and accountability must be taken #i also really hope jyp will be the company that breaks the trend but lmao I fucking doubt it #this is long and rambly but it wasn't leaving my brain #at the end of the day this issue is bigger than her #and it will unfortunately probably still happen with some other idol sooner than you'd think because no one actually cares

[tangledbea]

Hello I can't remember the last time I watched Tangled the movie as well as the tv series but was shocked to find out about the controversies surrounding Chris Sonnenburg and the accusations from the former staff of a toxic work environment. I also read a post that you confronted him about racism within the series and movie. Would you mind telling me what the racist moments were in the series and movie that you pointed out? I want to understand the situation better, thanks.

I'd first like to clarify that I didn't confront him. I wasn't even talking to him. I was having a conversation with someone else, and he commented on it something like, "And here's where I bow out." And then we never saw him on Tumblr again.

As for racist moments, the movie has an all-white cast. Even background characters. There is not a single POC in Tangled, even though there are crowd scenes with hundreds of people in them.

And while there are POC in the series, the Black people are all pretty trope-ish. While I adore Lance, Xavier and Quaid (and Ruthless Ruth), there is still a sense of tokenism to them which I wish the creators hadn’t let happen. Lance is the token black guy in the main cast, who is mostly comic relief and doesn’t get much of a character arc of his own, on top of which, he begins the series as a criminal. Xavier is the magical negro trope. Quaid and Ruth drift away from the tokenism a bit, but they’re still each only there for an insignificant amount of time. (It’s kinda badass that Ruth was a proprietress and Quaid is basically Tangled’s answer to Bass Reeves, though.)

Then there's Madame Canardist. She was created for the movie, but not used (you can spot Vigor in the credits, though), so I can't even blame this entirely on the show (though they could have done something to make her less of a racist caricature). Madame Canardist is a harmful stereotype of a Romani person, frequently and negatively called a g*psy. (That word is as taboo as Esqu*mo and neither should be used.) They are not all fortune-tellers. They are not all mystics. They are not all swindlers. They do not all live in painted wagons. And they are a people who are alive today who are still being persecuted.

Vigor, himself, is a racist stereotype. Psychic monkey in a turban was an oft-used racist caricature for Indian people, back when the mysticism and glamor of the East was all the rage in the US and the UK. The fact that such imagery has persevered to this day shows how little people know or think about the stereotypes.

And then there's the Separatists of Saporia. I have seen people criticize them for being Middle Eastern-based (if nothing else, they are all POC, regardless of what race they are), and having a group of POC take over a predominantly white kingdom in a terrorist move... well, I hope you can see why that's a problem. Even Petunia (the Daylight Thief pretending to be Kiera's mother) is a villain.

The series definitely did better than the movie, in that it included POC at all, but as the saying goes, "They did better, but there's still room for improvement." I acknowledge that there has been progress in the Tangled franchise. But a lot of the issues are a complete tonedeafness to societal issues. I don't think the decisions were necessarily made in malice, but that doesn't mean we can't criticize them.

Before I close this out, I would like to bring up Gothel, and by extension Cassandra. Many people think Gothel is an antisemitic caricature, but I disagree, primarily because her design is based on the looks of Donna Murphy (her voice actor) and Cher, neither of whom are Jewish. Not to mention, the movie was written by a Jewish man, and I find it hard to believe that he would have deliberately written antisemitic tropes into his movie. I think Gothel is an unfortunate coincidence. However, I am also not Jewish, and I am not at all attempting to say that Jewish people who feel slighted are wrong. I have seen convincing arguments both for and against the idea, all from Jewish people, so it's not as if there's a unified front.

#Tangled #Tangled the Series #Lance Strongbow #Xavier the Blacksmith #Quaid #Ruthless Ruth #Madame Canardist #Vigor the Visionary #Separatists of Saporia #Petunia #Mother Gothel #Cassandra #TTS #Analysis #Racism #Answered

[violexides]

i know u mean well and people are definitely out there talking about tjeir 9/11 trauma but like. what are u talking about. what wide-reaching public discussions on middle eastern/arab 9/11 trauma would people be deliberately ignoring. like the point is valid and that Should be something to care about obviously, i just ????????? what?????

hiya! sorry for the delayed response, I was very tired last night and didn't want to answer this incorrectly. however even while I'm awake, I'm still a little confused by the question phrasing haha so I'm sorry if I answer this wrong -- feel free to send another ask to clarify.

with 9/11 specifically, what usually happens is that people aren't /trying/ to ignore the trauma that middle eastern/arab people have gone through-- the majority of people are extremely aware that this trauma exists. however what happens is that conversations about this trauma gets almost generalized, where people will center on their own experiences (usually, annoyances) with the specific breed of American nationalism following 9/11, and equate that with what middle eastern/arab/muslim people experiences. Obviously every marginalized group in America has been targeted by American nationalism & racism & xenophobia; however, these different groups often experience slightly different experiences (some that overlap, some that don't) which is why it's important to both acknowledge solidarity but also cede the ground to those in that group to speak about their experiences. For example, the No Fly list wasn't exclusively composed of Arab people. However, the No Fly list was directly concocted by the Islamophobia in this country; and thus, there is a lot of importance in listening to Muslim & Arab people's experiences and acknowledging their struggle rather than going "well nobody has a good time at airports". I feel like this is phrased badly but I hope my point comes across.

there are also some experiences on a more individual level with identity erasure; I was just talking to an Arab friend of mine about how a lot of their struggles tend to get erased as "not real poc struggles", which is really stupid but does happen. I also get mixed up a lot for being of different backgrounds and have received a lot of microaggressions when I tell people I'm Iraqi-- in the same breath, though, there is limited activism or community work in my area that works to address these microaggressions other than people going "yeah that sucks". Also I have a lot of thoughts on how all Middle Eastern people are classified as white, which is a more subtle kind of erasure imo and a more systemmatic problem-- some Middle eastern people consider themselves white but like, as an Iraqi person there is no way I am white lmao.

there's also the general issue experienced by a lot of poc where their struggles will be translated into something more palatable for white people to talk about. Not sure how to explain this exactly but like, a lot of white queer people talk about the Islamophobia following 9/11 as something that would directly impact them, despite not being Muslim or Arab, because nationalism often correlates with bigotry in other ways. Which is absolutely an accurate correlation but def takes the framing of the issue off of the victims of this Islamophobia and makes it into that easily channeled like... the I'm Queer Therefore I Understand POC Issues kind of fallacy which you see a LOT.

and then last example but there's also prejudice people have yet to address within themselves like, for example. a lot of people (espec atheists it seems) equate Christianity, Judaism, and Islam as all being The Bad Religions That Oppress People. and a lot of that is rooted in EXTREME antisemitism which I am not qualified to touch on but like very much permeates a lot of these conversations & needs to go addressed in its own right. also a lot of Islamophobia in this idea that Islam is Inherently Oppressive, which you would think isn't as much of an ideal held in leftist spaces but you'd be surprised! this kind of seeps also into a lot of dialogues about Islamic theocracies which can easily cross the line between "hey theocracies are bad" to "hey religion is bad" which is also like super harmful. Just a lot of stuff like that. which I feel like doesn't totally get addressed a lot either.

Last last thing actually but also the way that American news talks about the Middle East and Arab people is trenched in SO much racism and that very much has an impact on how people see it. That includes both right-leaning and left-leaning sources its just how this country frames Middle Esatern conflicts is... yikes.

again this phrasing is all clumsy (and im just speaking from my personal experiences & what ive seen) but what I'm trying to get at here is a lot of time its not that people don't recognize that Islamophobia or racism against Arab/Middle Eastern people exists, like people Are Aware of That, but a lot of internalized bigotry doesn't go addressed & it exists in a lot of spheres of culture. and because of that conversations about it don't really tend to happen, and people tend to disregard the want to start those conversations in turn.

#ides.ask #long post #I feel like this is terribly written and I'm sorry about that but I hope that answers the question? or that I... #understood the question? #ALSO LIKE THIS IS JUST MY EXPERIENCES & OPINION #im writing this casually so i dont have a shitton of links to throw here just talking about me

[elvencantation]

I’ve followed you for ages and I really hope you don’t mean anything by it but posting about Harry Potter is an instant red flag for trans people/trans allies given that JK has explicitly stated she considers people who still consume her work but don’t say anything as people who agree with her transphobia but are too afraid to say anything. Just wanted to let you know, in case you weren’t aware, that seeing Harry Potter stuff on a blog generally makes it seem unsafe to trans people :/

I'm sorry that you feel unsafe on my blog. In no way do I support any of the bigoted bullshit JKR hypocritically spouts.

Trans men are men, trans women are women; everyone deserves to have their identity respected and affirmed. I will call you what you want me to call you, you are whoever you say you are, after all, you know yourself best! I don’t care how you present or what pronouns you use, and if I mess up I’m sorry, I will not make a big deal of it and I will practice and do better.

I will not give her any of my money. And also, I will not stop reading and interacting with Harry Potter in fandom spaces because of how much these stories mean to me. It’s a personal choice and I understand if that makes you feel uncomfortable and you block me. Do whatever you need to to feel safe.

My watchword for stuff like this will almost always be 'consume critically'. I will not usually divorce the subject from the ideals of the author because often doing so would be to ignore the very bigoted undertones (present, for example, in Rita Skeeter and in the goblins). Uncritical consumption risks passing that on.

This is what I think happened with the goblins. I don't think JRK is actively antisemitic (though I might be wrong) but by consuming other media with harmful Jewish stereotypes, unknowingly she passed it onto her own stories and her own readers that aren't aware enough to realize the harm in it.

I can never forget how much Harry Potter was a safe haven for me when I was growing up. I didn't understand people very well. I always talked more easily to adults than kids my own age. The very first friend I ever made in school, when I was in middle school, we bonded over Harry Potter.

I acknowledge its considerable faults. I engage with fan works that don't provide the author any support and nourish the parts of myself that find joy and identity within the beloved stories of my formative years.

#anonymous #anti jkr #harry potter #blue answers #i hope this doesnt come off as arrogant or stuck up #i tried to answer as honestly as I could #im not that great at wording my emotions sometimes #but i will always support people however they need me to support them #unless its at the cost of my own mental health or safety #also there are many ways to deal with bigotry and one of them is reclamation

[super-unpredictable98]

I See Paradise | Anita B. AU

Chapter 3: Recovering Bachelor

Warning: Strong language, themes related to WW2 (talk of holocaust and antisemitism), mention of death and violence.

(I See Paradise Masterlist)

The days following the fight were like torture, Eden couldn't stop crying, she did her best to throw herself into work, but her mind was elsewhere, every day that he didn't come, she would lose a little more hope until there was none left. 

One day, as she was about to close, one more person walked into the shop. It was Anita, carrying a piece of paper and a sad smile on her face:

"Hey, aunt Eden," she gave her a hug. "I haven't seen you anymore. What happened?"

"Well, Eli and I had a fight. I'm sorry, I should've-"

"That's why he's so sad?"

"He is?"

"Very. Every day he comes from work, barely touches his food, and goes to bed right away, lays in there for hours, doesn't even talk."

"Oh, that is... Has he mentioned me?"

"No, he is just very upset."

"Did he send you here?"

"I came because I made you something," Anita handed Eden the piece of paper, it was a drawing of a landscape. "It's the view from my room in Budapest, I thought you might miss home like I do."

"Aw, that is so sweet, thank you!" she kissed the top of the girl's head. "I love it. Why don't you sit down, I'll get you something to eat, alright?"

After Anita ate, Eden insisted on walking her home, it was 

getting dark and she imagined it would be scary for a girl who had been through so much already walking alone at night.

Eli was looking out the window when he saw the two girls approaching the house. His heart leaped in his chest and before he even realized it, he was running downstairs to meet them. Anita walked in just as he was coming out.

"Eden," he called, but she turned around to leave. "Please, dove, listen to me."

"Why? So you can keep telling me how much you don't love me?"

"Who told you that?"

"You did. You said you don't want to marry me, which is your right, you can make your own choices, I just wish I knew that before."

"You don't understand how I feel..." Eli shook his head. It was true that at first all he wanted was to sleep with her, but after spending all the time together, getting to know her, it wasn't so simple anymore.

"I don't? I was engaged too before the war! My fiancé was the sweetest man I've ever met, he was everything to me. We were getting married in November 1939, when he turned 18, but before we could, he was shot. In broad daylight, in the middle of the street, I saw everything from my window," Eden's voice trembled with the painful memory, a few tears rolling down her face. "So don't you say I don't know how you feel! I know exactly how you feel!"

"I promised myself I would never love another woman again, not in this world full of disgusting people who kill someone just because they believe in something."

"The thing is, I also thought I would never love another man, but I did! I fell in love with you and I thought we could be happy together, but that's not what you want and I'm tired of wasting my time trying to change your mind."

"Don't you think I love you too?" Eli nearly whispered, trying to hold back his tears. "I hate myself for loving you, because I feel like I'm dishonoring her memory. I tried not to love you, I tried to think of you as just a face, just a body... But you are not, you are kind, caring, and dedicated. You treated me like she used to, you offered me everything even though I am a bitter shadow of the man I was before."

"Do you really think going around sleeping with a bunch of women is honoring her memory? Do you think she would like the person you became?"

"Not even I like the person I became, the only one who does is you and I ruined it."

"I know this world isn't good, I know people are cruel, but does that mean we can't be happy when we are lucky enough to find something nice?"

"You deserve someone better than me, Edenle," Eli whispered with a sad smile.

"I know, but what can I do? You're the only one I want, you dummkopf!"

"Why is that, miss hitsiger?" he tried to remain serious though he wanted to laugh.

"Because I see in your eyes this man you think is dead, he's just sleeping. You are a good person, Eli, you just need to get over all this anger and resentment. The war is over, this life is the best we have, it's all we have, so why not try to be happy at least?"

"I need time," he sighed, sobering. "I do love you, but I need time."

"If you truly love me, I will wait. Because I am a fool like that..."

"You are not a fool," Eli put his fingers under her chin to make her look up at him. "You are just way too good for this world, way too good for me. You are paradise, and I'm a dummkopf who doesn't know how to appreciate it."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, I think everyone needs a little time right now, we are all grieving, we are all still suffering. And I don't think it ends with us, our children, and the children of our children, and their children too. I don't know if we'll ever truly be able to get over it."

"Can we just go back to the way we used to be? I won't pressure you, I won't do anything you don't want me to, I just can't stay away from you, dove."

"Yes, that would be nice," Eden kissed his cheek softly.

"Are you going to the Synagogue for Purim next weekend?"

"Of course, Rav Jacob would kill me if I didn't," she laughed. "Besides, I love Purim. I remember being a kid and putting on my costume, dancing around with my parents..."

"Me too, Aaron and I always broke into the kitchen the night before to steal hamantaschen," he chuckled. 

"Once a naughty boy, always a naughty boy," Eden pinched his cheek playfully.

"Would you like to go with me? As my girlfriend?"

"I would like that."

—————————————————— 

"I'll close up in a second," Eden smiled at her boyfriend while her last client was paying. "Thank you, Tevye"

"Thank you, dear," the man left under Eli's disapproving look.

"Edenle," he called.

"Yes?" she didn't look up from the register as she counted her money before locking it.

"I don't like the way that bastard was looking at you." 

"He was just buying some kugel..."

"He called you dear," he furrowed his thick eyebrows angrily. "You don't know Tevye, but when we were little he would always do that sort of thing! He's a khazer!"

"It's just a term of endearment, doesn't mean anything, he's just a regular customer."

"But you're mine!" Eli growled, pinning Eden against the wall. "My Edenle."

"You say that like I am a record player," she laughed. "I might be yours, but I'm not your possession."

"You're still mine," he smirked, kissing her neck. "Right?"

"Yes, Eli, you have nothing to worry about, but let's get to the Synagogue before things get out of hand," she tried not to think about the shivers those kisses sent down her spine. 

Things had been going fine for the couple, Eden was happy with giving Eli some time to recover from everything that happened. Eli was definitely being more respectful and wasn't trying to get under her skirt all the time. All that happiness made Anita, Aaron, and Jacob very proud, but Monika was always fuming.

She couldn't stand watching Eli being so loving to this scrawny little nobody, she couldn't stand how everyone seemed to like this girl, even her own husband, even her own son, and especially Anita. Monika felt sick to her stomach every time her niece would run to Eden's arms and cheerfully greet her, calling her aunt... 

"Daisy! You look especially beautiful today," Aaron kissed the back of Eden's hand as they all settled down for the prayers. "My little brother has very good taste."

"Thank you, Aaron," she giggled. 

"Aunt Eden," Anita called. "This is my friend David, we work together." 

"So you are the famous David..." she smiled, shooting Eli a wink. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine," the young man smiled.

"Aren't they a cute couple?" she whispered.

"I suppose they are..." Eli rolled his eyes fondly.

Eden tried to focus on the service, but she couldn't take her eyes away from her boyfriend, he looked so handsome. She thought it was silly that he got jealous earlier, but part of her really liked that he did. It meant that he cared about her.

It wasn't until the Rabbi finished reading Esther 7:6, that she snapped back to reality as she heard 'Haman' followed by Eli's high-pitched howl and the entire Synagogue started vibrating with everyone stomping the wooden floor and whistling loudly. 

Eli wrinkled his nose in the most adorable manner, clapping enthusiastically to match her energy. She huffed a laugh, that was her favorite part, it always made her feel like a little kid again.

Before she knew, Rav Jacob was singing and everyone was jumping around. Eden nearly cried remembering her father, that was his favorite holiday... She was about to ask Eli if he would like to dance, when she noticed he was already gone, dancing with Monika.

"Would you join me?" Aaron offered his arm like the gentleman he was.

"Of course," she tried not to show her disappointment.

Eden took his hand and they spun around. He didn't seem too bothered about the fact that his wife was dancing with his brother, but she couldn't stop looking for Eli in the crowd, a gut feeling telling her that something was wrong.

"Didn't you get tired of that ginger scarecrow yet?" Monika dragged Eli to the corner.

"What?" he grimaced. "You mean Eden?"

"Yes, you never even looked my way since she showed up."

"I like her," he muttered, looking around to make sure they weren't being watched.

"You don't like anyone, you are just playing around like you always do, but I like it better when you play around with me."

"Maybe that's all you can see in me, but she can see so much more. I guess it's time to grow up, hah? Be a man and commit."

"This has to be a joke..."

"Well, it's not! I love Eden, she's the one I should be dancing with," he tried to leave, but was surprised by the sight of his girlfriend spinning in the arms of his brother.

Before he could react, Monika pulled him with both hands by his blazer and kissed him, hoping that would make him finally want her again.

"Get away from me!" Eli pushed her. "What in hell is wrong with you? Meshuggeneh..." he mumbled, stumbling back into the crowd.

It took him a while to collect himself, frantically running his fingers through his curls and trying to remind himself to breathe as he looked for his girlfriend everywhere. 

"Have you seen Eden?" Eli asked Anita when the service ended. 

"No, I haven't seen her since you got here," the girl frowned.

"Hey! Have you seen Eden?" he turned to his brother, still a little upset that he was dancing with her, but he was sure there was an explanation for that.

"She left about ten minutes ago, she wasn't feeling well."

Eli didn't think twice before running to her house, his chest feeling heavy like a boulder. He didn't know what was worse: the fact that she was dancing with another man, or the fact that Monika had thrown herself at him like that in front of everyone.

"Dove! Edenle!" he shouted as soon as he arrived. "Are you alright, my love? Do you need me to call a doctor?"

"Go away!" she cried, tears running down her face as she leaned over, opening the window. "Before I dump a bucket of boiling water on you!"

"Go away? Why?"

"Because you are disgusting! I wish I never met you, you like to talk about other men, but you are the real khazer!"

"You say you love me and then dance around with my brother, how do you want me to feel?"

Hearing those words made Eden explode in a rage and she ran down the stairs to give him another well deserved slap.

"You were the one who left me alone to dance with Monika!" she shoved Eli. "Not to mention that you kissed her! And don't tell me it didn't happen, I saw you!"

"I didn't kiss her, she kissed me!"

"What difference does it make?" Eden screamed. "You let her..."

"I didn't want to kiss her, she took me by surprise, I was telling her how much I love you."

"And you expect me to believe that? I might love you, but I'm not stupid! I bet you say that to every girl, you don't have feelings, you are a monster!"

"I never said you were stupid, my darling. Monika fancies me, she always has, and I hate to admit that at some point I fancied her too and I did things that I'm not proud of, but not anymore. Not after you came into my life."

"I can't believe you."

"Besides everyone kisses everyone at Purim, you know that. She was probably drunk and-"

"Oh, so if I kissed your brother you'd be just fine with that, would you?"

"No! Of course not!" Eli reacted exasperated.

"How do you want me to trust you?"

"I know I don't deserve it, but I'm begging you!" he dropped to his knees on the verge of tears, past caring about his suit. "You're the only good thing I have left, you're the only thing in my life that makes it worth living. I swear, I didn't kiss her, I pulled away from her, I told her I don't like her."

"Stop!"

"I swear on anything you want, Edenle, I swear on my life! I swear on my mother's grave, that I love you and only you."

"How am I supposed to know you are telling me the truth?"

"That's not how I imagined this moment would go..." he groaned.

"What moment?"

"Eden Chava Haimovitz," Eli took her hand. "Will you marry me?"

She opened and closed her mouth several times, but no sound would come out, she couldn't believe that was actually happening, especially in those conditions.

"So? Do you wanna marry me?" he swallowed nervously.

"Yes..." Eden replied still in shock. "Yes!"

"Thank God," Eli sighed relieved, pulling her in for a kiss. "I thought I lost you." 

"You are absolutely crazy, you know that?"

"Crazy for you," he pressed his forehead to hers. "How about we get a drink to celebrate? It's Purim night after all..." 

Tag List: @seanfalco @salvador-daley @firstpersonnarrator @holidayspirits

#anita b #anita b eli #anita b fanfic #eli x oc #fanfic #robert sheehan character fic #robert sheehan fanfic

[freifraufischer]

So I'm stepping away from this Harry Potter re-read podcast after book 7 because I want to check out some other potential similar podcasts and see if I like them better.

My take on this one was that they were very good at spotting some of the crimes of JKR. Her centrist politics, her view of how social change happens, the terrible slavery and antisemitism, and a few other things.

But there were a few fatal flaws in these two hosts take. The first and foremost in my mind is that they fundamentally don't understand how fascist states work and think they do. They also seem deeply unfamiliar with the genre of resistance stories. This leads them to have some particularly bizarre takes on what they consider "bad writing". But neither of these things really surprised me because since these episodes were recorded across 2018-2021 so I know exactly what their real life politics are. Imagine two Bernie Bros who think Elizabeth Warren was someone to mock and who were very bitter that people were happy Joe Biden won the election and what the flaws they might have critiquing centrist politics. Yes they have some valid points but just because JKR is wrong doesn't make their ideas good.

For @darthmelyanna one of the bigger issues is that they don't remember or know or understand Lord of the Rings as well as they think. For me they don't understand 1930s politics in either the UK or Germany as well as they think they do. And for both of us they really don't understand Christian allegory or Christianity which is really bad when they try to read absolutely every element of book 7 as some kind of "ham fisted Christian allegory". And to me that's kind of one of the flaws here. Yes JKR had Lord of the Rings on the brain but they misidentify the elements she's lifting. Yes there are Christian allegories in this story but the entire story isn't a Christian allegory. They spot some of these elements apply their misremembered or incomplete understanding of the thing and decide that JKR doesn't understand what she's doing or is lazy.

I mentioned this earlier that they also thought the last few books were adult books written for adult audiences. Which causes them to make a lot of fundamental mistakes. Those books were messes and I'm not saying JKR wrote good books there by any means. Just that if you know just a bit more about a subject than these hosts did what they're saying becomes complete gibberish and one of the things that worries me is that it undermines the project they are doing which I think at it's roots is good.

Which is all I think the fatal flaw of this project but there are some what I'll call more minor sins. I think they have shipper brain rot despite the idea that they think they were giving the books a fair chance. JKR regrets about pairing off Ron and Hermione are somehow valid because they fit their own shipping takes but all her other post books statements are somehow bad and terrible. Romantic development they don't like is not character development. Their favorite characters were given extremely generous readings while other fans interpretations which were at least as supported in the books (or more so) were fan fiction.

And on the subject of fan fiction one of the hosts clearly read a lot of fan fiction and says that the last novel "reads like fan fiction" and says repeatedly that that there is nothing wrong with fan fiction. But she clearly means it as an insult when talking about the actual book. I also think there was a dynamic between the podcasts hosts that didn't help things here where one of them would dominate the other and unfortunately the one who would dominate was the weaker of the pair for the task they set before them.

I listened to about 150 episodes of this and while I don't think it was a waste of my time all of the above was why I wasn't going to recommend it.

[hindahoney]

Hi your comments about non-orthodox throwing Orthodox under the bus was really nice to see, in class the other day there was this reform person saying how they didn't want to do a Yiddish upper year project (most Yiddish speakers are religious where we are) because they didn't want to be judged for being queer and I was like I guess hurt because:

A. I literally only started the conversation because I'm religious and grew up speaking Yiddish so I thought I could help them figure out some outreach methods

B. It's assuming a lot about ppl you never met

I'm a little emotional and I just kinda smiled and wished them luck instead of pushing back on it and then I did kinda cry in the washroom 🥲 because it's like idk I feel like alienated sm when ppl talk about their understanding of Orthodoxy and it kinda makes me wish I stayed out of choosing to focus on Jewish history because bahhhh people are so awful sometimes and they don't really know anything and they'll say things like "oh Orthodox ppl don't even love their spouses" and it's like :(( like there's issues ofc in the community but we are made out to be backwards loveless hissing rats or something and I also really hate it when issues many ppl are tackling to work on are instead used as a "gotcha".

And it's funny tbh because some of my family didn't really want me in uni have been really accepting after I got in and go around bragging about how well I'm doing there, like when I visit and I go to shul and random elderly ppl who I haven't seen in years will be like "I heard you got an A in math" and it's like that is true but "who are you and no I'm not a mathematician now that's not how it works" 😭😭 .

Ah but that's just me clogging your ask box, I just really liked what you were saying and needed to vent a bit 😅💞 have a lovely day!

I'm really sorry you've experienced this. I've faced similar situations of people assuming my views are backwards because I'm an observant Jew. I think this is mostly due to the media portrayal of orthodox jews being done so poorly and antisemitic.

#jumblr #judaism #jewish #antisemitism #ask