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wowsoboring · 3 years

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Deconstructing Baseless Harry Potter Arguments#2 (i) : Harmione Edition

Obviously I once again do not mean to target all Harmione shippers. I know quite a few who're very good human beings and tolerant and accepting above all. However these aren't. In this case, you might sense quite a bit of levelheadedness in the beginning, however you must not be fooled as it goes south and takes a nasty turn very quickly. Don't get your hopes up, this is some of the worst shit I've ever seen, especially the way in which it progresses through its course. Naturally, for this post I have picked my own style of writing which will match that of those redditors. Reddit is the perfect breeding ground for all these weird cults, honestly. I shall be resorting to a formal language and style of conversation, very much like a debater would to sound as pretentious as these do. These posts are found on the instagram handle toxicharmonyshippers who gather such toxic musings and sayings for Harmione shippers while respecting the ones that are nice.

Oh yes, let's use words like 'vehemently' to sound smart, why not? Of course, this little tidbit of the highly stupendous post seems more or less civil at the start. They also have the common decency to say "some Romione shippers" rather than generalizing all of us. Very nice of you, how very saint like. Let's wait till they drop the act and show us their true colors. Harkening back to the argument, I have but one question for you, "where do you find these people?". Where's the proof? Who are these radical Romione shippers who worship Ron and dislike Hermione? I haven't seen any such shippers and I am surrounded by Romione shippers on tumblr, instagram and fan fiction sites as well and haven't met the people you speak of. Some point out her flaws, yes, but no one hates her or dislikes her that much. I have seen two or three Romione shippers across hundreds and thousands who're skeptical of Hermione's perfection. Skeptical. Not hating, disliking, or anything. Of course, unlike this person, I have evidence: find these pi charts for your referral (clickable): https://imgur.com/a/QfPnQbB

you can, through these, see the amount of Hermione bashing across Harry Potter fanfiction and you can see that even in Romione fanfiction there's more Ron bashing. Hermione-bashing is a non-issue. That's what it is. Regarding the "nagging" statement, where's the lie in that? "Annoying" is somewhat subjective, I personally don't find her annoying at all. Who are these people and how often do you find them? "Mary Sue" is only reserved for Movie!Hermione. I have only seen book fans call her that. No one has ever called Book!Hermione Mary Sue. The movie does paint her as a flawless, all-rounder who's also drop-dead gorgeous. Only things she's bad at are flying and divination, all of which she denounces as useless, even though flying is like biking for wizards, divination, sure, not that important. with a teacher like Trelawney, even I would denounce it as hokum.

Remember what I said about waiting for them to show us their true colors, well here they are. Bask in the glory of their senseless arguments. Why, I am from reddit, heck I have 25 thousand karma points on there, I just left because it was too stupid for me but I can argue like them very well. And in this case I would like to say that these people are under the impression that Ron is just there in the story for the sake of existence. And he doesn't work hard. That argument is of course, wrong. Because Ron (in no particular order):

1) fights a troll when he's 11

2) is willing to sacrifice himself when he's 11

3) stands up for his friends

4) makes sure Harry feels like he belongs in the family

5) worries about Harry and rescues him from literal jail

6) stands up against Draco rather than by-standing and enabling his behavior

7) tries his level best to make sure Norbert the dragon is in safe hands and carries it out, albeit not in perfection

8) is with Harry every step of the way in his confronting the basilisk

9) sends Harry and Hermione long letters and calls them often to check up on them

10) stands up on a bitten leg to defend his best friend

11) always apologizes for any of his mistakes and is forgiving when others wrong him

12) works his way to join the Quidditch team unlike Draco who most certainly bought his way in

13) destroys at least 2 horcruxes

14) finds out how to defeat a horcrux

15) has an excellent enough memory and observation to notice Harry speaking parseltongue and also using it to his benefit which proves he's resourceful

now since I have 8 more such pictures to rebut and I do have a life, I will stop. These aren't even a twelfth of the remarkable things Ron has done though, so rest assured.

oh wait what did you say about him just existing and not working for anything? If I recall correctly, he did just as well as Harry did in school and didn't score well only in subjects he didn't care about. Which is true for most people except for Hermione who has an eidetic memory which not everyone has, understandably. Rote memorization is not the best way to get by in life, by the way.

what are the "so many reasons" behind why Harry is the best fit for Hermione? Kindly share so I can rebut those too, I'm rather free nowadays, my finals have been cancelled. You say there are so many reasons but don't even give one, yet you want me to take you seriously. I'm afraid that's impossible.

Romione shipper here, i don't dislike Hermione. I haven't met or seen many people in the book!romione fandom who dislike Hermione (except for Movie!Hermione). The question of someone you like ending up with someone you dislike doesn't particularly make sense. In Friends, Chandler ends up with Monica: now I'm not the biggest Monica fan (I don't hate her but I don't like her very much either) but they are my favorite couple because they make sense. It's about compatibility and character traits, not liking or disliking because that's just a set-up for a ghastly invitation for people to pair up hideousness. "Oh yeah, I like Harry and I also like Hagrid, they should be together. I mean it would be very very disgusting but that's my logic, now, you can't fight it. "- that's how you sound. Please read what you write. Your logic is just...abysmal. That's all I can say without breaking my resolve and berating you with colorful profanities.

This is without the doubt, the easiest one to rebut. It's a delight to see such terrible arguments at my disposal. Come on, dear Harmione shippers, write something that makes me question my choices, not things that make me scoff in disbelief.

In this case, you're essentially providing us with theories. Unproved theories and speculation of what you believe because you'd say anything you like. Where's the proof of your theory, though? Where is that crazy radical Romione shipper who does this? Kindly show me these people. Oh yes, you wanna say we objectify Hermione and disrespect her and view her as a prize. This aches me, that you believe this. No one has ever insinuated this, ever, in the history of anything. What is this winner-loser theory? How do you round off Harry Potter to "an alpha-male ends up with lead-lady" trope and still say you're a fan of the series? Harry Potter doesn't fit in with that format. Ron, Hermione and Harry are co-heroes. Similar to how there's no main character in Friends or the Heroes of Olympus series or the Avengers. We're not living in the 80s anymore. Hermione will be a hero, invariably whether she ends up with Harry, Ron or no one. She ends up with Ron and that's it. Talking about her like this doesn't make you sound any better either. Now you're calling me a misogynist because I don't support the ship of two people who describe themselves as siblings. That's very mature of you. Well here's the thing- I'm not a misogynist. It's as simple as that. I believe that women are capable of anything and everything. I believe Hermione is an amazing person and she is a hero and a different person. I believe the series would be impossible without her. I believe she is no one's prize. There's no requirement of a prize. I just think, similar to canon and the truth and her romantic interest, she will have a great relationship with Ron. There's nothing complex or deep about it, really. No personal weird-thing, no psychological complex, no internalized misogyny. There's nothing deeper than what I said. I am not sexist. I am a feminist. I am all for women empowerment. I love women with the fabric of my being. I love Hermione. I think she's amazing. You only become sexist when you ship people with unstable power dynamics, a bully-victim relation or something of the sort. Neither Romione, nor Harmione are sexist. Heck if you paired Neville with Hermione you wouldn't be sexist. And I hate talking about this so much, I can't even tell you. This talk does make it sound like I treat Hermione like an object and I assure you I respect her and I normally won't talk like this unless someone just outright calls me sexist for something that's not sexist. And this is that situation.

in the case of Romione, no one is too good for anyone. Both are amazing people who're heroes and have done amazing work. That's all I have to say. There's no league, they are romantically interested in each other. I have no intention on sounding lame, but, in love there is no league. As long as you're not putting in any effort and are extremely lazy and leech off of your partner, there is no such concept and no, Hermione is not "too good" for him. Unless of course you're talking about movie Hermione, who is too good for anyone.

5) (halftime!)

oh yes they try to pull this off and wonder why we hate them. Classic. This person likes to sound british, so let's switch up our language, yeah? At least then I won't be out of my element. Let me correct ya, Ron at his best is an amazing, loyal, friendly, brave, strategic hero. There you have it. Ron and 'git' can't be used in the same sentence. Now if you talk about Ron's achievements, I re-iterate you to point two. If it's too much work, here:

1) fights a troll when he's 11

2) is willing to sacrifice himself when he's 11

3) stands up for his friends

4) makes sure Harry feels like he belongs in the family

5) worries about Harry and rescues him from literal jail

6) stands up against Draco rather than by-standing and enabling his behavior

7) tries his level best to make sure Norbert the dragon is in safe hands and carries it out, albeit not in perfection

8) is with Harry every step of the way in his confronting the basilisk

9) sends Harry and Hermione long letters and calls them often to check up on them

10) stands up on a bitten leg to defend his best friend

11) always apologizes for any of his mistakes and is forgiving when others wrong him

12) works his way to join the Quidditch team unlike Draco who most certainly bought his way in

13) destroys at least 2 horcruxes

14) finds out how to defeat a horcrux

15) has an excellent enough memory and observation to notice Harry speaking parseltongue and also using it to his benefit which proves he's resourceful

hey, see, I like Ron and I took the time to copy-paste this instead of asking you to scroll up. And I'm a lot of bad things but I am not lazy. I stick to my deadlines like Hermione. I start my homework in library class and continue it during phys ed the day its given. And I am not exaggerating. Bloody hell, I wish I was. I'm the ceo of deadlines, mate, don't tempt me! So you can see that Ron is much more than just a "nice bloke". And being a "nice bloke" isn't a bad thing either. He's all the things I said: intuitive, strategic, helpful, loyal and on top of that he's also a nice person. Yes, I do see a bit of myself in Ron. I do. I see the insecure side. I waste my time hating myself and criticizing myself and undermining myself, telling me I'm no good. But Ron overcomes that. He inspires me to appreciate myself. Is that a bad thing? Are you going to shame me for having a low self-esteem? Do you want to worsen my low self-esteem and make me feel more like shit?

Now the person who replied to your comment saying, "he isn't a nice bloke most of time.", he is. He is not being nice twice in a span of 7 years. How often do you act rudely or with jealousy? Wasn't Harry yelling at everyone in caps lock in OOTP. Now I don't condemn him for that because he's a fucking hormonal teenager like me and that would make me a hypocrite, but by your logic why don't you condemn him? Or why not condemn Hermione for saying "I only date good Quidditch players" and shoving canaries at Ron's face because someone else kissed him, while she kept using Krum and Cormac to make him jealous. She wasn't being a nice girl, then, was she? Now, once again, i don't dislike her or hold that against her because guess what, mate, I'm a hormonal teenage girl who gets jealous most of the time and would probably react in a similar fashion in the spur of the moment (Not defending her actions here, just putting myself in her shoes.) In short, Ron is a nice bloke MOST OF THE TIME.

It would be misogynistic to think that. The thing is, NO ONE DOES my dear friend! My dear daft friend. I have never heard anyone say that! why are you so hell-bent on portraying us as misogynists when no one ever says that? Stop assuming. Just stop. You are crossing a limit here, aren't you? Yes you are. You cannot say these sort of things. We never said that or believed that, no one ever said this to be a reason to ship Romione. God what is wrong with you? Literally, stop fucking ASSUMING god damn it! Do you want me to assume things about Harmione shippers? Do you want me to go there? Because I will go there! I will go there the moment you tell me to. Just challenge me.

Ron is not a perfect best boi , the reason why so many of us like him is that he's imperfect and tries to become better through the course of time. You are once again assuming and I am once again asking you to stop.

Ron might be an ordinary wizard. He might be poor, sure, but he's a pure-blood and won't face much if he chose not to fight. But he did. He fought. Now I identify with Ron's attitude a fair bit, but I am also likely to spend my day in a library without noticing. People aren't one dimensional. Stop trying to act like you're a psychologist, i know you're not. I don't even think Hermione's overbearing at all! You just insulted someone you're a big fan of. Jesus.

Both Hermione and Ron are strategic, jealous, passionate, feisty, argumentative, intellectual...

that's like 6 similarities. They aren't polar opposites in the slightest. Their differences are just: workaholic, not workaholic. Nerd, not a nerd. Like that's fucking it, man!

being relaxed doesn't make you less independent or driven. A relaxed and levelheaded Hermione will think through things, not be impulsive, not panic etc. She doesn't need Ron. I don't understand your obsession with acting like we ever insinuated that. Then she doesn't need Harry either lol. Stop shipping her with Harry, then or like shut the fuck up. Being a bit relaxed won't stop her or anyone from hitting great strides. Just don't get relaxed to the point you're lazy and casual about everything, that's it.

What do you mean? Ron is balanced. He does finish his work on time. And even if he does procrastinate, she could also help him not and be more driven. Of course, this is an open invitation for you to call me a sexist bitch because I said that she could help him and now you'll think her goal is to help him become better yada yada yada. Fuck off. Defeating the horcrux taught him enough. He respected her. He remembered about the elves when she didn't. He begged to be tortured instead of her. He wouldn't need it because school work and jobs are different and the same person might perceive those differently. Calmness and relaxation doesn't hinder your potential. Not caring and laziness does. You can't function if you work and are stressed 24/7 with zero breaks. Period.

10)

No i do not want (nor does anyone want) Hermione to become Ron. Being slightly calmer doesn't change up your personality. I'm sure many people dislike those sort of fanfics without a doubt. I hate OOC and I don't want Hermione to lose her intellect with Ron because that makes no sense. Ron himself is intellectual and loves arguing with her. They'd boost each other, more like it.

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okay thats it i am exhausted as fuck. thanks for reading, i appreciate it. notes and reblogs are appreciated, this takes work.

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josie-effortposts · 3 years

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The Woman Who Fell to Earth

I stopped watching Doctor Who in 2013 after the 50th anniversary special. Up to then I was deeply obsessed by its reams of stories, hidden subspaces and detailed production histories. It wasn’t just entertainment, it was a case study in a massive shared universe, and a direct function of the times and places it had been written.

It’s never been very controversial to anyone I know to dislike Moffat’s run of the show, and as it drew to a close everything that followed seemed pretty well-telegraphed: Chris Chibnall would become the head of the show, it wouldn’t be very good, reactionaries would blame bad writing on a female Doctor while plenty of others would just lost interest, the ratings would drop and the whole show would become less culturally relevant. It was a Cassandra truth.

But that said, I still wanted to try it. I watched a bit of the Twelfth Doctor and had mixed feelings, and when I watched the first episode of the Thirteenth I found myself taking notes on it. So, without a lot of structure, here are my thoughts.

1. New Who treats first episodes as very important, the first moments that we see new Doctors and their statements to the world. Call it a modern tradition - where “Robot” and “Time and the Rani” play the change for comedy before jumping into the week’s adventures, “The Christmas Invasion” and “The Eleventh Hour” are primarily statements of continuity. By Twelve’s first outing the villains themselves become metaphors for change, and now Thirteen delivers a brief speech about deciding to become different while paying respect to the past.

2. Speaking of that speech, I feel like there must have been an earlier draft that connected the plot to these metaphors a lot better. The villain of the story keeps pieces of his past triumphs with him at all times, but these trophies are body parts taken from the dead, and they disgust the Doctor. At least Twelve’s flesh robots were stumbling towards eternity.

The villain as a whole is just what you’d expect from a low-grade Doctor Who monster, I guess. He’s supposed to be on a hunt, which sounds really cool, but this consists entirely of him walking places and murdering random bystanders by touch. He’s not keeping the masquerade up or succeeding in his goals by doing this, and the rest of the story implies that he’s at least shrewd about getting what he wants. The Doctor’s complaints against him center on him being a cheat who can’t do the hunt fair and square and on his desecrating corpses, but she never seems very angry at him over murdering people.

The idea of the Doctor stopping a proper hunt actually sounds interesting to me, especially as someone who sat through all of DWAD’s The Most Dangerous Game. There’s a lot of suspense in dealing with an intelligent, directed killer with a small number of targets, be it in Predator or Day of the Jackal, and a villain that stalks, hides or sets up ambushes could be easier on the budget. Or you could keep the villain the same but add a second member of his species to the setting and have them in competition, conflict on conflict. (That sounds like it’d make a good module for TIMELORD, actually...)

3. The Doctor feels simplified. I don’t mean the new personality of this incarnation, although I think the slight amnesia-until-climax is a bit forced. There’s just stuff that comes off wrong. For instance, things are outlawed in “every civilized galaxy” and the villains traveled from “five thousand galaxies away”. Despite ostensibly going anywhere and anywhen, the show’s always respected some species of distance, in that going far enough away or leaving the universe itself is a pretty big deal (especially since so much of it sticks to Earth). This line could’ve been any distance and nothing else would’ve changed, but it kills the idea of space - how can galaxies be civilized? It feels like the setting is shrinking - the word just sounds big and spacey, and this is the part where the Doctor says that something’s out of place, so big, spacey words go there.

This probably sounds nitpicky, but it feels lazy. Where Davies and Moffat both repeatedly made the Doctor or companions into the Most Important People in History, Chibnall seems to take it as read that the Doctor can just do stuff as the plot demands it. The climax involves her making a jump over a dangerous drop to the gasps of all assembled, but her first appearance is after an even longer fall where she breaks through the ceiling of a train car and isn’t even scratched. She "reformats” a phone into some kind of tracking gadget with six seconds of thumb typing and builds a new sonic screwdriver out of random scrap, which then solves basically every issue in the story. And, naturally, she can pinpoint things from a billion light-years away.

My favorite Moffat story is probably “The Eleventh Hour” because it presents the Doctor with a genuine challenge at his most vulnerable. If he had his regular tools handy then it would’ve been a much more straightforward Doctor Who story, but there’s no time to stop and build a new sonic screwdriver, because people are going to die by the time he’s finished. I wish more modern stories had that.

4. I can’t tell how I should feel about the side characters here. Not the companions, although it feels like Chibnall looked at RTD’s companions and thought “why not bring the entire family along?” There’s just this odd tension in characterization between comedy and drama for them, and without a very detailed soundtrack it’s hard to tell what emotions the script’s trying to go for.

One of the hunter’s victims has spent years trying to find his missing sister after another hunter abducting her. Instead of any resolution coming to that story he just gets murdered without ever knowing what happened to her and then the Doctor commandeers his workshop. (It’s even made clear that these human trophies are all still alive, just “in stasis”, so there’s no reason to think they couldn’t save her and presumably several others.) Meanwhile one of the main characters suffers a short fall and dies, taking up most of the final act with a funeral despite us hardly knowing her.

Other victims are worse. A man throws pieces of his salad at the monster for no discernible reason - he doesn’t even seem drunk, and then he dies as the hunter crushes that salad underfoot. A security officer gives a heartfelt goodbye to his family and tells them what a lucky granddad he is, then walks offscreen to be murdered. Neither of these scenes had to happen, and both together don’t even fill a minute of the runtime, so what was the motivation? The first is at least charmingly odd, but both of them feel like bizarre, extremely cheap set-pieces.

The soon-to-be-trophy himself listens to positive affirmations in a crane, then shouts them as he’s being chased. “I’m important! I matter!” The implication would seem to be that this is goofy behavior, and yet the things he shouts are in some ways the themes of the show. Is this self-critical deconstruction, unabashed humanism poorly delivered, a running gag?

5. The other half of a new Doctor, classic or modern, is this shedding of old things. Not always in terms of showrunners, but sometimes in attitudes or fans. The change from Six to Seven was motivated by a desire to change the tone of the show, for instance. Nowadays this is reflected a lot by the fandom - every Doctor has newcomers who jump back out because they don’t want their hero to be replaced, but the jump to Eleven confronted a lot of younger fans with this for the first time. Then Twelve culled some fans who couldn’t stand the Doctor being old and unkissable, and now Thirteen’s wiped out her own contingent of grognards who think the Doctor being a woman is a radical idea invented in the last three years.

That said, I’m not a fan yet. Some Doctors I don’t like as much for aspects of their characters, particularly Five, but Thirteen just doesn’t feel Doctorly. (To be clear, neither did Twelve.) I grew to enjoy Matt Smith’s performance where I thought I wouldn’t, and I’ve found a lot to like in every Doctor, but for some reason both of them still feel like actors playing the role to me, where Unbound Doctors and Mark Kalita have captured whatever the core is.

6. I feel like I’m getting old. So much of the beauty of Doctor Who just feels transparent now. After Moffat the maximalist decades of worldbuilding can never convincingly pretend to add up to a coherent universe and they can’t escape into the freedom of canon-indeterminacy any more than they already have. Even Big Finish, which I used to adore, feels strangled by a mandate to realize and box-set every possible combination of whatever actors they can summon from the show, no matter how many tedious hours they have to fill with cardboard characters and back-of-the-napkin monsters.

There’s no excitement in the adventure for me, because I know the route and the destination. And I don’t know if that’s Doctor Who being formulaic or disenchantment from seeing the patterns too much, or some personal lack of spark and imagination. I feel like there must be some drive I don’t have, one that would re-energize my own perspective in the face of concrete understanding, that would see it as a good thing that I understand another layer of what I enjoyed so much without sacrificing that enjoyment. But if it’s there, I just don’t see it.

But hey. While there’s life, there’s...

#doctor who #the woman who fell to earth #s11e1

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tibbinswrites · 4 years

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Yi! I am the anon who requested 16 and 77. You could do angst but with a happy ending?

Hi Anon! I did it! Finally xD sorry you had to wait so long. I might have more time on my hands but that doesn’t mean I always spend it wisely, or that my brain wants to cooperate when I tell it to make a story.

Man, I really love this prompt. You picked a gooden. I won’t officially pair it with prompt 16 because I’ve already used that number (though I did add a kiss in it for you ;))

Warning for mentions of suicide (no one named, no details, just mentioned).

I hope you like it ^_^

I’ve now done prompts for: #1, #2, #4 and #16, #9, #10, #77, #78, #170 and #502

I also have 3 prompts waiting for: #20, #33 and an addition to #170 so if you send me a new one in be prepared to wait a while!

77. You just stood there and held me, then you started dancin’ slow. And as I pulled you tighter I swore I’d never let you go. (Point Blank)

Sam and Dean had been gone for almost two weeks now. Cas wasn’t worried, they checked in on a daily basis with updates and requests for lore and questions about how Jack was settling back in so he knew they were okay. They were hunting something with some kind of mind altering tendencies, whether a djinn, wraith, witch or something else was yet to be determined but it had killed six people. The victims had complained of nightmares a few days before their deaths. Suicides, all of them, and not clean. The thing was proving difficult to track down, it didn’t seem to have a preference of victims, man or woman, old or young. Different ethnicities and social circles, there didn’t seem to be anything that linked them. Cas could sense their frustration, but no, he wasn’t worried.

He did miss them however, especially Dean. Jack was good company; they played board games and Cas taught him some of the basics of fighting with a blade, just in case he was ever faced with an enemy while he couldn’t use his powers. They watched Netflix together, the brightly-coloured modern cartoons that Sam and Dean scoffed at and Jack asked him questions about angels and monsters and lore of all kinds, but there was always a certain level of separation to it, in the way he understood that there had to be between parents and their children and there were less jokes than when the Winchesters were around, less laughter. Cas wasn’t very good at jokes. His dry humour would sometimes get a snort or a small chuckle, but that was the extent of it. He didn’t have Dean’s ability to goof around and act the fool, nor did he have Sam’s quick tact in knowing where to poke to cause a laugh rather than offence. Jack wasn’t very good at jokes either though, so they rubbed along quite well together.

It was on the twelfth morning that Sam called for the second time that day and when Cas looked at the phone he knew something had gone wrong.

“What happened?” He demanded without preamble.

“Dean had a nightmare.” Sam’s voice was tight and worried, “A bad one.”

Cas frowned. “That’s not too unusual. Unless you think…”

“The thing got him. Yeah.”

“So you have… what? Less than two days until he becomes a suicide risk?”

“Yeah.”

Cas clenched his jaw, reached his free hand up to rub at the bridge of his nose.

“You’re not far away, I can be there-”

“No,” Sam said firmly. “I don’t want Jack anywhere near this thing and you can’t leave him alone right now. You need to stay where you are. We’ll figure this out.”

“But-”

“I know,” Sam said, and he really did sound apologetic. “Trust me, I’d rather have you here too. But we have Jack to look after and I’m not actually sure you coming here would help Dean. I mentioned you before and he just kind of… froze up.”

“He did?” Cas frowned at the far wall, that didn’t make any sense.

“Yeah. And he got this look… I think his nightmare was about you, or had you in it or something. Of course, I don’t know because he won’t talk to me but… It might be best you stay away for now. I’ll keep you posted.”

Cas sighed, biting down on his instinct to run to the garage and grab a set of keys. With his failing grace there was no guarantee he’d be able to do something so complex as break a curse or purge a venom or completely undo a biological reaction#. There were certain intricacies involved and he wasn’t certain he had the strength. The brothers could still fix this on their own, they still had time.

“Alright.” He conceded. “I’ll give you forty-eight hours. But after that I’m coming to meet you. I can’t just sit here and wait for that call.” His voice wobbled a little at the end as his imagination ran wild. But it wasn’t just the thought of Dean taking his own life that terrified him… selfishly it was the idea that Cas needed to see him again, that he couldn’t let the last memory he had of Dean be one where he’d walked away.

“That’s fair.” Sam agreed, and Cas could picture him running a hand through his hair, the way he did when he was stressed and worried. “But it won’t be needed. We’ll fix this. We’ll kill the thing and it’ll be fine.”

“Get Dean to make a list of everyone he met or bumped into yesterday,” Cas said in lieu of something reassuring. He had complete faith in the brothers, knew that they were more than capable hunters, that Sam at least would do whatever it took to save Dean, but there was still a tiny kernel in his brain that whispered what if he can’t this time, and Cas knew that it wouldn’t go away until the danger had passed.

The rest of the phone call was tense and perfunctory, but once he hung up, not being able to hear Sam’s concern actually alleviated his own. The danger wasn’t immediate yet and he trusted them to find a solution fast.

Xxx

It took them until the next morning. Cas was sitting with Jack and they were talking over bowls of cereal with the kind of sugar content that always made Sam purse his lips. Jack hadn’t seemed overly concerned about Dean when Cas told him what had happened; apparently he had the same confidence in the Winchesters that Cas did, and his surety was comforting.

The phone rang and even though Cas was sure nothing was wrong, that this was just Sam’s daily update on the situation, his spoon went clattering back into the bowl, splattering milk everywhere as he jumped to answer it.

“Sam?” He said. His voice did not tremble.

“We got it.” Sam’s voice was pure relief. “Witch. We’ll be back in a couple hours.”

Cas sighed heavy and cleansing. The expression on his face must have told Jack everything he needed to know because he smiled, gave a thumbs up and went back to his cereal.

“I’m glad,” Cas said. “Dean’s alright?”

“Yeah, the curse has broken.” Sam hesitated then, and his voice dropped like Dean was close by and he didn’t want him to overhear. “But it was real tough on him. Sent him into some kind of waking nightmare. Screaming fit, something. So he might not want to celebrate or anything when we get back.”

Which was code for ‘don’t be offended if Dean locks himself in his room for the next three days.’

“Of course. It’ll just be good to have you home. See you soon, Sam.”

“Bye, Cas.”

Cas placed the phone down and smiled as Jack munched on his cereal.

“They’re heading back. They should be here by noon.”

“Cool,” Jack said around his spoon. “I’m glad Dean’s okay.”

“Me too,” Cas agreed.

“I mean… I wasn’t exactly worried,” Jack continued, a slight furrow in his brow. “Is that wrong? I don’t know if it’s because of my soul or if I just knew they’d make it back.”

“The Winchesters do have an excellent record for making it through these kinds of situations,” Cas said carefully. “It’s not wrong to expect them to always make it back. It’s easy to feel like the danger isn’t real when we have all faced so much worse than a rogue witch. But many experienced hunters get killed on routine cases. The danger is always real, sometimes it’s just a matter of luck.”

“Or a matter of having your lives written out by God,” Jack said, a slight quirk to his mouth that Cas couldn’t help but mirror.

“Yes. I suppose knowing that Chuck has a specific plan for them makes it easier,” he said. “Knowing Him, if Sam or Dean dies on an ordinary case He’ll just resurrect them until they can play out His story. Or at least, their own story. They’ve never been good at following rules.”

Xxx

It had just gone midday when the door of the bunker clanged loudly, indicating the return of the brothers. Cas hurried to the war room to meet them. It was silly perhaps but he wanted to see Dean for himself, to make sure that he was alright. Dean shuffled behind Sam, his head down. He looked pale and wan, like he often did after the kind of nightmare that drew Cas into his room to try and soothe away. Clearly, whatever the witch had done to him was going to take more than a gas station burrito and a drive in the impala to get over. Sam looked like he needed a hot shower and a long nap. He nodded to Cas as he passed, clapping him on the shoulder. When Dean caught sight of him though he stopped halfway through a step. He seemed to forget that he was walking and began to tip forwards. Concerned, Cas stepped in to catch him and found himself with Dean’s arms around his neck and Dean’s smell in his nose and Dean’s mouth on his and his whole existence narrowed to just Dean, Dean, Dean.

Thoroughly overwhelmed by the whole situation, Cas decided that his best course of action was not to move so he stood there stiffly until Dean pulled back, only to bury his face in Cas’ shoulder instead and, in a move more terrifying than the wrath of God, began to sob.

“I killed you.” Dean’s voice was tiny and broken, barely audible, even to his ears. “I killed you and you let me and I had to burn you all over again.”

Cas didn’t know what to say. What would be the point in telling Dean that it was just a bad dream brought on by a curse? That it wasn’t real? Dean knew that, just as Cas had known that the room full of Deans that Naomi had made him kill weren’t real. That didn’t make the guilt any easier to carry. So instead he said nothing, raising his arms to fold them around Dean’s back, pulling him closer.

“I felt it,” Dean muttered against his neck. “It was so real. I had to, I just knew that I had to. But I don’t know why, and it doesn’t matter. I don’t care what happens, I know that I can’t do that again. I don’t care if the world burns.”

“I love you.” Cas whispered back, because for the first time it needed to be said. It had existed in the in-between spaces of their lives, of course, their love. Cas knew that Dean felt it too, knew it probably before Dean himself had accepted it. But Cas had let it exist without acknowledgement. He didn’t need a declaration and Dean wasn’t ready to make one. The feeling was enough.

Dean didn’t say it back, but Cas felt it in the way he clung on tighter, his fingers digging into his shoulder blades even through his trenchcoat and shirt. So Cas said it again, and again, his words the song forever playing in his mind, a symphony of feeling. So he began to rock Dean along to the sound, soothing and slow, patient and endless, and it was almost dancing, he thought, tightening his own hold. And as he did so, he knew that be it forty more years or four more minutes, Castiel would be content if he got to spend them holding Dean.

#prompts #prompt #supernatural #Destiel fanfic #spn fanfic #suicide mention cw #writing #TibbinsWrites #fanfiction

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thranduilsperkybutt · 6 years

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Ruby red nights (Part 2)

| Part 1 | Part 3 |

Imagine: Imagine Olivia and Elliot being turned into vampires and as their sire, you teach them how to live as creatures of the night. It gets hot and heavy one night as they give into their new urges and before long it turns into a threesome between you nightly.

Warnings: Trigger warning: Blood, Vampire AU

Pairing: Olivia Benson x Reader x Elliot Stabler

Word count: 1697 words

Universe: Vampire AU, Law and Order SVU

Reader gender: Female

Author: Ilariya_Lavoro writes

The sun was high in the sky sapping you dry, you could not leave your bed even if you dared to want to. The daylight was forced back, hiding behind the thick specially designed curtains that covered the large bay windows on the far wall of your bedroom but yet you could still feel the effects of those hellish rays.

The waves of purple silk covering the bare lower half were cooling but simply not enough. You longed for the sweet embrace of the dead man’s slumber but yet it did not come. You could not find the way into the magical, thoughtless moment to get through the long hours of sunshine. It was out of your reach in this one moment.

All you were left with were your thoughts and a lifetime of memories as you tried to get comfort for the endless hours that lay ahead. The sun would hang in the sky, taunting you until it too found its slumber beneath the horizon. Your night was humanity’s daytime. This had been a simple truth that your progeny had struggled to come to terms with. Yet you had found a coven of witches albeit reluctant at first, who were able to help once you paid their steep price in order to make your children happy.

This was your price, to lose your ability to find peace in dark delight of sleep once a week. This had been your choice to sacrifice one night of strength in exchange for the creation of enchanted daylight emblems. Simple jewellery which housed the powerful spell to protect them from the deadly power of the sun.

A signet ring emblazoned with your personal coat of arms and necklace with a pendant bearing the same sign, that the bearers were your children. Each item, the witches had further blessed with another simpler spell to prevent them from breaking. Your price had been a heavy one but it was a price that you would willingly make again, in a heartbeat.

Beads of sweat quickly gathered, drenched your brow but the smile upon your lips could not completely mask your agony, your pain. “It’s worth the mind numbing agony” You whispered, your voice hoarse and strained as you spoke through gritted teeth.

Registration, the formal ceremony that all fledgling vampires must go through. It was seen as a symbolic rite of passage where they would be simply introduced the wider community, entering into the coven that made up the area. It was never quite that simplicistic. Your mind wandered back to that moment.

This was not your first bite of the cherry. It had only been a few nights since your children had been fully turned but they need to be registered. The elders would not forgive you a second time. Last time, you had been a younger more volatile vampire. Anger and hatred were your poison of choice, turning your victim out of spite. That particular childe never forgave you, they never let you forget the choice you had made that night over four centuries ago.

It had been a terrible mistake, born from your own self hatred. In that moment you had become the person you despised above all others, your own sire. It had brought you back down to reality, as you had tried to repair the damage with your first childe. The tie between the two of you wasn’t as strained and tentative as it could of have been, yet Emma still accepted your support and friendship. Something you highly doubted she would have three centuries ago.

This time was different, Olivia and Elliot had been on the brink, dangling over the hungry jaws of death. They had weakly called out as the darkness crept into their vision. They wanted to live and you had chosen to heed their calls, answer their pleas for aid and snatch death’s latest flesh coated prize. You could of easily hastened their deaths, draining them dry and relishing in the taste of the heavenly elixir that was the lifeblood of humanity.

The elder’s nest had always been a place you actively tried to avoid when possible. There was a perpetual dark cloud that lingered in the atmosphere over the den. The home was far from welcoming, a heavy oppressive weighted upon your chest each and every time you found yourself within these walls.

You stood as a still as statue, shadowed by Olivia and Elliot in the entrance hall waiting to be seen. “Tell me, why are we here in the middle of the night?” Elliot asked, frustration rolled off each word in waves. You shook your head, your hair danced as you moved lightly tickling the back of your neck.

“All newborn vampire must be presented before the Area’s elder, to be registered and accounted for. This is part of our law to prevent chaos and discovery,” there was only truth held within your words, you were repeating your own sire’s words spoken a lifetime ago to you. A boredom lingered as you spoke the well versed paraphrase. It was one of the few memories of your sire that was not tainted by a cold rage. A rage that you could not let go of.

“You are both part of this world. Dancing between the realms life and death to preserve the balance” You locked your gaze first with Olivia then turning your attention to Elliot, trying to read the emotion reflected within their eyes. Elliot was far easier to read out of your pair of children. The annoyance at the stiff and stuffy rigmarole grated at his already short nerves.

“Elder Cruz will see you now” Those few words were enough to make you ever so slightly nervous. Annalise Cruz had taken over control of Area 46 in the late 18th century after a turf war had render the previous elder obsolete and needing to be removed, piece by piece. They had ended up in several piece spread across the miles, Cruz had been judge, jury and executioner of Vampiric Law down to the letter. She was not to be messed with.

You lightly nodded, conveying respect as you began to move with Elliot and Olivia in tow. The last time that you had presented yourself before Elder Cruz had been over forty five years prior to this night. It had been a simple check in of sorts, updating your status within the area and play at the dalliance of court that the nest provided. You were a minor player that lingered in the back. You were of no real importance to the Elder or her inner circle but still you were expected to show face ever decade or two.

With your head held high, your feet quickly lead you down the winding corridor before passing through the open archway. Your gaze shifted right then left, taking in various vampires dotted about the room before you. You took in each individual in the vast space, some faces more familiar than others before you found the elder.

She stood in the center of the room, at first glance most would believe to her to nothing more than a child barely into her teenage years. Her youthful appearance was nothing short of a deception; she was well over eight hundred years old, turned only a handful of days after her twelfth birthday.

Olivia followed your gaze, shocked by the very sight of a child-like immortal but you cut in before she could voice her honest opinion. “There are more vampires like her, in days gone by, children were considered the easiest of preys. Our kin knew humanity would always continue to breed and in times of famine, war and chaos most would not notice a few children simply disappearing,” your words were matter of fact, you had only expressed a statement of truth on how some vampire chose their feeds.

“It is one of the reasons, the law evolved and changed to prevent such barbaric feeding frenzy for continuing,” you could feel the anger in Elliot rising once more and the disgust within Olivia.

You smiled softly at your children, brushing the back of your palm down his face trying your best to calm the rage. “History is there is teach us to be better than those who came before”

“Your sire speaks the truth, such distasteful turning are now explicitly forbidden in all areas of this great nation. It is punishable by death, youngling.”

Elder Cruz’s words that night had burnt into both of their memories, it had been a great relief to them both. The progressive nature of the ruling Elder calmed the tension that had begun to ralt at their moral compass. Their humanity would in theory remain intact for now at the very least with the knowledge that the old ways were no more within the very borders that they resided in.

You turned to face the older vampire before bowing your head in greeting, out of respect for the rules, “Good evening, Elder, these are my children, Olivia and Elliot.” You gestured your hand from one to the other. Your voice remained calm, methodical, showing prior experience from many years before, going through this with your last Childe.

Elder Cruz’s gaze took in each one carefully, examining them from head down to their toes before a smile broke across her lips, showing her childish glee briefly. “Indeed my friend, I welcome thee to the night. We are now kindred but be wary, I do not hold those who defy the sacred laws without contempt and punishment” The threat was far from subtle, this was her way. She was not one to mince her words even in polite conversation.

Annalise Cruz’s attention and focus turned back to you. Her smile still remained but the warmth that been there moments before had now vanished, leaving a hollow, falseness behind in its place. “Walk with me my friend, we have much to catch up on. Your children will be fine without their sire for but a moment”

You quickly nodded, recognising the intent behind the words. This was no mere invitation, but a command to begin the final part of Olivia’s and Elliot’s registration.

To be continued

#submission #submitted fanfic #fanfiction #olivia benson fanfic #elliot stabler fanfic #law and order svu fanfic #newstuff female reader insert #law and order svu female reader insert #author ilariya lavoro #au fanfic

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stargazersastronomy · 7 years

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Saturn is the Bitch teacher we hated growing up but as adults we’re thankful that they were such hard asses on us. Saturn tells us this: “I know you want [insert desire here] but you have to wait. You’ll appreciate it more then.” This is why positive Saturn placements are difficult. Benevolent planets, i.e sun, moon, and Venus soften Saturn’s effects. I have sun sextile Saturn and Saturn connected this way tells me to slow down in how I present myself, however my Saturn conjunct moon stifles my emotions. Recently I received an ask about someone asking I describe their venus square Saturn. Although Venus here does believe in a lasting love Saturn tells this native two primary lessons: One is that “Love Exists” and that it is attainable but to remain practical about it. Secondly, Saturn positioned in this way teaches that in order for that love to happen you have to love yourself first.

Saturn in the Signs and Houses

1. Saturn in Aries/1st House

Aries Saturn/Saturn Risings tend to struggle with their ego and authority.

· Marilyn Manson [Saturn fallen in the 9th House]

2. Saturn in Taurus/2nd House

Taurus in Saturn tend to struggle with security, in this way they’re like Scorpios constantly trying to find solid footing in their lives. Saturn second houses may put too much emphasis on possessions and money. Their lesson is to learn that they have that security and that they can accept the good of the world. “If I can, can I find solid ground, or am I just wasting time?” (Solitary Ground by Epica.)

· Uma Thurman [Saturn direct in the ninth house]

3. Saturn in Gemini/3rd House

Gemini Saturn tend to have communication barriers. This placement is like having Mercury retrograde taken up to an eleven. These people may struggle with putting their foot in their mouths or not trusting their words as others would. Their lesson is to realize words have an effect on other whether for good or for ill.

· Mick Jagger [Saturn direct in the Ascendant]

4. Saturn in Cancer/IC (4th House)

An IC or Cancer Saturn are people who tend to struggle with their family dynamic -- possibly their mother too. It’s these people who need to learn the selflessness of caring and not take their families and/or loved ones for granted.

· Lemmy [Saturn retrograde and detriment in the seventh House]

5. Saturn in Leo/5th House

Saturn in Leo or in the fifth house typically have very restrictive childhoods. While their friends were able to enjoy their growing up years; Leo Saturns may not feel like the have/deserve such a luxury. Their job is to learn how to have fun and reclaim their childhood. In a way they are like Saturn Capricorns which I will discuss later.

· Gerard Way [Saturn retrograde in the third house]

6. Saturn in Virgo/6th House

Saturn here is very health conscious however there’s a bit of hypocritical aspect to this placement. While they may be health obsessed and able to advise people on health and work matters; they may not heed their own advice. “I generally give myself good advice but I rarely ever follow it.” (Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland) These people can also become workaholics and not really know what to do with themselves when they aren’t working. (I can attest to this since I have Saturn here in the sixth house.) The lessons these people need to learn is to learn how to relax and care for themselves.

· Heidi Paravianen [Saturn retrograde, possibly in the fifth House]

7. Saturn in Libra/Dsc (7th House)

Since Saturn’s exalted in Libra it has more power than when it’s dignified in other signs. Libra is the judicial system, police force, as well as victim and criminal. Because of their ability to mediate this makes Libra perfect in Saturn; it gives the sign action to its character. Saturn in the descendant can slow down the process of romantic relationships but because the eighth house is After Marriage, said relationship has a greater chance of lasting long term. Libra Saturn’s lesson is learning how to compromise.

· Amy Lee [Saturn exalted in the I.C]

8. Saturn in Scorpio/8th House

Saturn here needs to learn to realize their control over life events. In some way the theme of sex or occult will come into play here. The native may struggle with sexual assault or rape, maybe an affair. Scorpio wants control no matter the planet but especially in Saturn; Scorpio need to learn that they cannot have that all the time.

· Billy Idol [Saturn direct in the sixth house]

9. Saturn in Sagittarius/9th House

Saturn here may struggle with their belief systems and higher education. They may attempt college several times throughout their life but find that said route is not for them – which is fine. Having Saturn in the ninth house the person needs to realize that all viewpoints are valid, that their own enlightenment will come later.

· Sid Vicious [Saturn retrograde in the second house]

10. Saturn in Capricorn/MC (10th House)

”Saturn naturally rules Capricorn and the MIdheaven (MC). People with Saturn here are very ambitious as well as conscientious about their reputations. These people may have had to grow up faster than their peers yet pull a Benjamin Button where they reclaim a youthful attitude later in life –typically middle and old age. “The death of your daughter would be a blessing.” (Pride and Prejudice) This line come to mind because the Bennets face ruin and destitution due to their youngest daughter’s actions. A Capricorn Saturn’s lesson is to let go of others’ perceptions of them and may face scandals and ruin to learn this.

· Bono [Saturn retrograde in the twelfth house]

11. Saturn in Aquarius/11th House

Saturn is dignified here meaning that there’s an added strength to this sign placement. Aquarius Saturn struggle with being a Loner and opening up with their feelings. In the eleventh house the native may struggle with friendships and humanitarian causes. Their lesson involves learning how to love their solitude and then they can blossom into the foreground of life.

· Jon Bon Jovi [Saturn in the I.C. unaspected]

12. Saturn in Pisces/12th House

Saturn here is very reflective and in order to learn their lesson the native must retreat inside themselves. Any planets here need extra rest but Saturn here, out of the primary planets, needs the most in my opinion. A Pisces Saturn tends to struggle with spirituality and escapism.

· Rob Zombie [Saturn direct in the eighth house]

#17th #July #2017 #July 17th 2017 #mine #saturn #saturn signs

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deadcactuswalking · 4 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 22nd December 2019

It’s the special Christmas episode – or at least the climax of many – of REVIEWING THE CHARTS, where we discuss the UK Top 40 every week without fail, with a complete disregard for my deteriorating mental state. Let’s start with the top 10 and finish what is essentially season two of this show.

Top 10

I’m sure everyone knows the Christmas #1 by now. I’ll talk more about it later, I actually have a lot to say, it’s British YouTuber LadBaby’s “I Love Sausage Rolls”, debuting at #1 much like he did last year. I’ll elaborate in more detail once we reach the new arrivals section.

Steady at the runner-up spot is “Own It” by Stormzy featuring Burna Boy and Ed Sheeran, sadly pipped at the post even with the release of his sophomore album, Heavy is the Head.

At number-three, actually up one space this week, is “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi.

It replaces “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa, down one spot to number-four.

We have our first true Christmas song in the top five this year next, as “Last Christmas” by WHAM! is up two spaces to number-five. It isn’t the first time it’s reached the top five, or even its highest placement, but I think they’ll settle for top five this year.

At number-six, we have another debut, the second of three in the top 10, and first of two for Stormzy: “Audacity”, a pre-release single from Heavy is the Head, or “Audacitiy”, as the BBC’s page, in its typical fashion, misspells horribly. It features Headie One, becoming Headie’s highest-peaking song ever, tied with “18HUNNA” featuring Dave, and fifth UK Top 40, as well as second top 10 entry. It’s Stormzy’s 20th UK Top 40 hit and also his ninth entry into the top ten.

At number-seven, we have “ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas, down two spaces to number-seven.

Also down two spaces, surprisingly, is “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey, despite the release of a new music video. In reality, all of the top 10 has probably gained in performance, and Carey here was a victim of LadBaby and Stormzy.

We have Stormzy’s third and final debut here, “Lessons”, at number-nine, this time solo, which is his 21st UK Top 40 hit and his tenth entry into the top ten.

Finally, at #10, we have a nine-spot crash for “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I, hurt by streaming cuts that dumb UK chart rules implement, but also would have possibly cost LadBaby the Christmas #1, and at least his song is vaguely Christmassy, unlike “Dance Monkey”, which would have otherwise spent a consecutive twelfth week at #1 hadn’t it jumped down to #10.

Climbers

We have one non-Christmas climber this week, and it’s “Falling” by Trevor Daniel up nine spaces to #26.

Fallers

We don’t actually have many of these, either, though, but we do have a handful at the tail-end of the chart: “Heartless” by the Weeknd is definitely in freefall, down 13 spaces to #35, whilst “Don’t Rush” by Young T & Bugsey with Headie One curiously goes down seven spaces to #37 after going up seven spaces last week, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi crashes down 11 positions to #38, and “Netflix & Chill” by Fredo collapses down 12 spots to #40.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

As always with these Christmas weeks, we have quite a few drop-outs, yet very little returning entries. Streaming cuts have dragged out “Memories” by Maroon 5 out from #10 (Thank God), and brought out two other garbage top 20 hits with it: “South of the Border” by Ed Sheeran featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B from #13, and “Lose Control” by MEDUZA, Goodboys and Becky Hill from #18. Sadly, a pretty fantastic top 20 hit, Lizzo’s “Good as Hell” featuring Ariana Grande, is out too from #20. Also out from middling positions last week, #37 and #38 respectively, are “Down Like That” by KSI featuring Lil Baby, Rick Ross and S-X, and “Into the Unknown” by Idina Menzel and AURORA, from the Frozen II soundtrack. Oh, yeah, and “Professor X” by Dave is out from #40.

In terms of returning entries, we only have one revolving around pretty depressing circumstances. The early death of 21-year-old emo-rapper Juice WRLD, one that we have seen a lot on this show, has propelled his song “Lucid Dreams” back to #27. For what it’s worth, the song has grown on me a lot since its release, and I’ve said my peace on the matter on Twitter. Rest in peace, Jared Higgins.

There is one returning entry and one drop-out that I’ve missed, but we’ll talk about them later.

IT’S CHIRSTMAS INNIT

First of all, the non-movers, climbers and fallers: If “River” by Ellie Goulding counts, it’s down three spots to #11, but otherwise... “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl is at #14, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens is at #16, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid is up two to #17, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John is up six to #19, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé is down one spot to #24, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis is up four to #25, “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande is up three to #28, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard is up five to #29, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade is up five to #31, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee is at #32 and “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson is up six to #33.

We have one Christmassy returning entry, and that is the festive albeit creepy “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia back at #36. Combined with the Christmassy new arrival and the songs within the top 10, that means we have within 15 to 17 holiday songs on the “Christmas chart” (More on that later). So, basically, we’re 50% Christmas here on the UK Top 40... arguably, disputably, whatever. Here are the Album Bomb(s)?

ALBUM BOMB(S)?: Heavy is the Head by Stormzy and Fine Line by Harry Styles

This is a pretty awkward album bomb as I’ve already covered most things about Stormzy in the Top 10 section and it’s really disputable if Harry Styles had an album bomb but he had one debut and one re-entry as well as a faller, all from the same album, so I’m counting that as an album bomb. Rod Stewart, however, the damned fool, didn’t get an album bomb however he got the Christmas #1 on the albums chart, trumping both UK rapper and songwriter Stormzy at #2, and former One Direction member and current rockstar Harry Styles at #3.

I haven’t heard Heavy is the Head but I’m excited to check it out. I’m weary of its length, but some of the features seem intriguing. Its impact on this chart is weakened by both UK chart rules only allowing for three songs and the fact that, well, it’s Christmas, technically. That would also explain why Harry Styles’ “Lights Up” dropped out from #33 this week, as it was the single that performed the least, whilst “Watermelon Sugar” is back at #18 and “Adore You” has dropped off one spot from its debut, landing at #12 on this chart. Before we even get to exciting new music from Stormzy, let’s cover some weaksauce garbage from Harry Styles.

#39 – “Falling” – Harry Styles

Produced by Kid Harpoon and Tyler Johnson – Peaked at #62 in the US

Aw, do I have to? Well, I’ve already said how much I disliked Styles’ sophomore record and why, back on last episode (And the last paragraph) actually, so I don’t need to bring it up again. “Falling” is Styles’ fifth UK Top 40 hit, and the third best-performing song from the album; three is all allowed from one album on the UK Top 40. Styles had an actual album bomb on the Hot 100, and this one charted decently high there too. Also, fun fact: since Trevor Daniel is still here, this marks the first time in forever that two identically-named songs with entirely different lyrics and content (I.e., aren’t covers) have charted simultaneously. Somehow, and I dread to think, the Trevor Daniel song may be better. The pianos here are reverb-heavy and saturated so much to the point where I geta feeling of drab, moist dread, which is represented in the production overall, especially when Harry Styles belts and his vocals clip pretty heavily in the mix here. The lyrics are specific and do resonate to some extent, especially the self-referential and dare I say meta second verse, and I can’t exactly say Styles’ delivery is unconvincing, despite it reminding me too much of Lewis Capaldi than it probably should – you’re a much better singer than him or this, Harry. If the production wasn’t so shoddy and it wasn’t four plodding minutes, perhaps this gross, distorted excerpt of a power ballad wouldn’t be so excruciating, but alas, here we are. Good effort, I suppose.

#9 – “Lessons” – Stormzy

Produced by Ed Thomas

I have no idea what to expect. It’s the penultimate track on the album and it’s produced by some guy I don’t know. I haven’t been this clueless about a song before hearing it on this show in months, but it’s actually pretty high here because of how it touches upon Stormzy’s personal life, specifically his relationship with television presenter Maya Jama... and I really want to like this. The song is honest and soulful, with Stormzy admitting his faults in the relationship multiple times, and I enjoy the theme of childhood that he toys around with in the verses, but it’s really vague to exactly how he “disrespected” her, and I’m not asking for a vent that details his entire relationship with Jama but it feels somewhat insincere if the closest you get to a specific memory is either having candles lit up, which is overwhelmingly common, and pacing around the kitchen after a fight, “like this s**t is foul”. Some of these rhymes are also pretty painful. Rhyming “Maya” with “Maya”, and then, “fire” with “desire”? Come on, man, you’re better than that, and there is a lack of internal rhymes or even a comprehensive flow to the whole thing. I do like the vintage R&B beat with some very 90s keys sprinkled through the fake finger-snaps, and the blocky percussion is pretty smooth, albeit too stiff to make the chorus work at all, as it’s just really odd, aimless, multi-tracked rambling, with really half-hearted singing vocals from Stormzy. I don’t know, I really want to like this, but the content is overly vague, the production is dull and uninteresting, and the performance is just the same, as he sounds like he hasn’t slept in days. Maybe that’s the point? Probably, but it doesn’t make this song any more endearing. Sorry, I really wanted to like this, so a half-decent single here sounds like the biggest disappointment, but it’s just passable at best, really.

#6 – “Audacity” – Stormzy featuring Headie One

Produced by Fraser T. Smith

This is the banger of the record, with an up-and-coming UK drill rapper, that would burst onto the chart with a wham... whilst also being right next to WHAM!, but that’s a coincidence. T. Smith is on the boards, Stormzy and Headie One are on the mic, and they sound hungry. Any time Stormzy starts off a track with that trailing “It’s like...” ad-lib, I know it’s going to be ferocious, and this is what this track is. Over looming 808 bass and crawling synths, Stormzy is losing his breath, rasping through his bars because of his insistency to do an angered one-take, like a madman, and it sounds angry and really violent. I’m genuinely kind of scared, it kind of works like Bobby Schmurda’s “Hot Boy” because its purpose is to paint such a vivid picture of gang violence that it gives you goosebumps. Stormzy is talking about inexperienced rappers dissing him... and in the first verse, he goes into detail about why he wants to kill this man, in an oddly calm demeanour before he starts losing it once he starts talking about how he’s going to “skeng-fry his dome”, even accepting the gunsmoke (Both literally and figuratively) that this person tries to use to intimidate Stormzy as just weed smoke, which sounds a lot more savage than I made it sound. Headie One is more melodic on this mix of nasty grime synths and UK drill bass beats, but his more casual delivery really makes the pretty funny bars somewhat intoxicating, especially when he says, “Knowledge is power, ask Gandhi”, which is just hilariously nonsensical... but it’s still not great. It runs way too long at four minutes, and feels pretty repetitive and like a drone by the end, especially due to lack of a true climax. Also the beat just fades out and leaves Stormzy’s isolated vocal, which is abruptly cut off by the end too, so that just sounds awkward. I wish I liked this more, but it sounds more like a weak “Wiley Flow” than the anthemic “Vossi Bop” or the pounding “Sounds of the Skeng”. I still like it, though, it’s just a fair bit duller than Stormzy’s usual offerings in this trap banger lane. Speaking of that, I listened to “Big Michael” out of curiosity and that was freaking amazing, so why didn’t that chart instead of these comparatively mediocre offerings?

One week, it’s “Blinded by Your Grace” / Next week, it’s bang you in your face!

NEW ARRIVALS

#34 –“Happy Christmas (War is Over)” – John Legend

I have no production or chart data for this one, because, guess what? It’s another Christmassy cover song released by an aging and increasingly irrelevant pop star exclusively on platforms that provide more sales and hence boost its false chart placement. I’m glad this is only a holiday thing because it’d drive me up the wall if this was done often. Legend released his Christmas album in 2018, called A Legendary Christmas, and it included many covers, including the infamous “woke” “Baby it’s Cold Outside” rendition with Kelly Clarkson on the 2019 deluxe edition. Of course, this song’s not on said deluxe edition for whatever reason... he really couldn’t just cover a nice old Christmas song, he had to do the controversial songs, huh? The whole album is really disposable garbage filled with novelty and commercialised merriment. I used to really like this guy but he is far beyond receiving my best wishes at this point in his career. Uh, the original song is a hot mess as well. Let’s just get to the meat and potatoes, no pun intended.

#1 – “I Love Sausage Rolls” – LadBaby

Produced by LadBaby

No, not DaBaby. LadBaby. Okay, so, first of all, this potentially isn’t the true “Christmas #1”, as after all, this chart was released before Christmas Day and doesn’t count sales that were made on December 25th, although the press seems to have accepted this as the Christmas #1, and have highly publicised it as such, so I’m allowing it, even though I guess you could dispute that. Second of all, LadBaby is a YouTuber who makes comedy videos or vlogs or something? I don’t know, I don’t pay attention. The video for this that they showed on Top of the Pops (Yes, this was aired on Top of the Pops) had his family in, all wearing sausage roll outfits, so maybe he’s a family vlogger? Speaking of those outfits, the same family is featured on the cover, which is a parody of the famous Abbey Road album cover by the Beatles. Not only is that not a Christmas album but it equally doesn’t work because this is a parody of a Joan Jett song, “I Love Rock and Roll”. Finally, LadBaby got to the top before with “We Built This City” in 2018, a parody of the Starship song with the exact same punchline as this one. Bottom line, this is just a novelty song with a dumb punchline and pretty terrible production, because as with all YouTube songs, it sounds cheap and very royalty-free. These guys can’t sing, especially not LadBaby himself, but it really doesn’t matter because we’re not supposed to actually listen to this. We’re supposed to listen once and have a chuckle, and move on, but sadly, this isn’t even funny enough for me to snigger. I’m not a fan, and if Tones and I’s song hadn’t crashed as hard as it did thanks to dumb UK chart rules, LadBaby would be even less liable to stick the landing next year, and I really hope he doesn’t.

Conclusion

On principle, I feel like giving a tied Worst of the Week to John Legend for his annoying exclusivity and really garbage album that “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” is connected to, alongside LadBaby, for hitting the #1 spot with a cheap novelty song in “I Love Sausage Rolls”, which is a joke he’s done before, instead of Stormzy or, you know, an actual Christmas song. In reality, I haven’t heard the John Legend song and I don’t even want to, and the LadBaby song isn’t really worth getting angry about. The Best of the Week is just as hard to pick due to the sheer lack of quality on display here, but I’ll give it to Stormzy and Headie One for “Audacity”, I guess.

I hope you guys enjoyed this second season of REVIEWING THE CHARTS – I know it was a rocky one, but we got there in the end. I can’t really say happy holidays because I’m a day or two late from Christmas but I’ll definitely say thank you for reading this past year. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week – but that’ll be next season, and possibly next year.

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diveronarpg · 5 years

Photo

Congratulations, JULIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of VIOLA. Admin Rosey: Valentina is near and dear to my heart. She’s a complex character and it’s difficult for me to trust anyone to nail her down well. Her voice is so distinct and strong, her mannerisms are constructed from a past fraught with tragedy, her logic equally so. And in the para sample you managed to capture all of this and more, Julie! You give her a vitality that brings her to life, and managed to convey her weariness with the world as well. I can’t wait to see what you do with her and how the beautiful plots pan out. I am so very excited! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Julie

Age | 19

Preferred Pronouns | She/her or they/them works fine!

Activity Level | School is finally wrapping up, so I’m gonna give it an 5-7/10. I work on the weekends and might pick up some more shifts here soon, but I’m pretty good at time management and my best friend is the queue. I’m usually more active in the evenings, but I’m always lurking.

Timezone | MST

In Character

Character | Viola / Valentina Gallo, with Phoebe Tonkin as the faceclaim.

What drew you to this character? Twelfth Night is my favorite of Shakespeare’s works specifically because of Viola. I love Orsino (obviously) but Viola has always been in a league of her own for me. She’s witty, she’s resourceful, and she proves herself over and over again. Obviously she gets Shakespeare’s usual clean-slate wipe at the end of the play like he does with most of his female characters, and her resourcefulness is played for jokes, but when I read the play last year I was astounded by how much I just loved her, so I was super psyched when I saw her bio on the dash.

When I read Valentina’s bio, there was a really strong sense of familiarity that struck me, with what she’s had to do for herself and her brother. I think at more than one point in our lives, we end up having to make hard decisions. There’s always going to be a fork in the road: are we going to take the easy path, or the long and winding one? Is the outcome at the end worth the blood and sweat and tears? Sometimes the decision gets taken away from us and we’re forced one direction or the other. Valentina, at her core, never got to choose for herself how things were going to be. It was snatched away from her before she even realized it. It’s an unfortunate reality that she lived for such a long time, one that’s hardened her into something beautiful and statuesque and powerful. She’s had to rage and make difficult choices for the sake of survival, to allow herself to keep going. To be a person without the sacrifice of her own humanity.

These moments of hardship for most individuals are short-lived, brief. They last for, say, a week, or a month, and then they’re gone. The struggle that Valentina’s been dogged by is so interesting to me. She hasn’t just been fighting for a week, or a month, or even a year. It’s been a constant battle, her entire life, and she still hasn’t let the misery that can come with that crush her. She has her moments, I’m sure, of soul-crushing anger, but the fact she’s been able to dig herself out from the rubble every single time is so fascinating to me. Abandonment is hard, and abandonment by the people who are supposed to love you and protect you until you’re ready to move on and protect yourself is worse. She didn’t start out as a powerhouse by any means. She had to carve that out of her own flesh until she was the shape she needed to be.

And I think it’s difficult, for her, clutching at humanity when it seemed - or in some cases, still seems - pointless in holding onto. I think Valentina’s seen both ends of the spectrum: people who’ve gotten out from the slums, done well for themselves, and people who just keep on digging the hole deeper. I think she sees both ends of the spectrum in herself and her brother, bonded as they are. She has ambition, but it’s an ambition born from grief for what she could have been, not from luxury or privilege. She’s made something out of the shell of her own potential, where so many others have slipped up or faltered or simply given up the ghost. Her undercover operation is just another chance to prove her strength, and at this point, that’s easy.

Joining up with the Montagues is, arguably, the first choice that life has allowed her to make. It’s something she owns, that belongs to her, and God help anyone who tries to take that from her.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

1. I AM NOT WHAT I AM. Living a lie every day is painful. It’s gruesome work. She’d like to say that she’s not losing bits and pieces of herself in her work, but she is. It’s becoming harder and harder to differentiate between Valentina Gallo and the Valentina who dons a uniform every morning. The wall building up between herself and Santino is only really making it worse. Her one resource, the one she could always lean on, is distancing himself, and she worries about who she might become without him. I’d love to dig into these issues of identity and loyalty. Valentina has always been loyal, but she has these split-second moments where she isn’t sure who it should be to: the Montagues, or herself? How does she choose, when she’s only ever chosen herself?

2. PUT YOUR SWORD UP, IF YOU PLEASE. Growing up on the streets is different from the upbringing most Veronans are used to, and it shows in Valentina’s everyday actions and behaviors. Whereas before she was lucky to get to sleep in the same place for a week, she has things of her own now. A home. A job. Work, steady and solid. A chance to prove herself. I’d love to see her exploring the inherent discomfort that comes with getting something she doesn’t feel she necessarily deserves, and the aggression that typically follows afterwards with anyone who shows even a lick of genuine kindness. The war between the Capulets and Montagues has always swept up victims to take advantage of, and I want Valentina to cope with the realization that she might one day become one of them in spite of what she’s doing for them now. I want to see which direction she goes in: cold, unkind cruelty, or a softening of some kind?

3. MY DUTY HUSHES ME. There’s a warmth and familiarity in abandonment that Valentina’s comfortable with. With her relationships - all of them, each and every single one besides Santino’s (and even now that’s coming into question) - she’s ready to jump the gun and leave before she gets left. I want to see the development of these relationships play out and grow. This is more of an overarching plot, admittedly, more of an arc, but I want her to feel what it’s like to be comfortable in her own skin around someone she cares for, someone she can openly admit she cares for.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yeah! Bring me the angst.

In Depth

Self para, word count: 1256. Trigger warning for parental death and mentions of abuse/abandonment.

She’s never seen the inside of a hospital room. Doctor’s offices, sure, but never a hospital, with the sleek sheets and air of sorrow, dark lit halls even with all the curtains open. The nurse leads her down the winding path of the hospice ward to room 403, and then leaves her there to contemplate the door. This feels like the crux of the moment: a risk, brought to fruition in the heaving fervor of a gasping chest. She really shouldn’t be here.

Maria Gallo’s name mocks her in neat, red marker on the whiteboard. She swallows and twists the handle. It clicks, and for a second, there’s the irrational fear. It’s locked. It shouldn’t be locked. Why would it be locked? A beat passes, and then another. She twists the other way, and the door glides open in easy silence. It doesn’t even creak. There’s just the soft sigh of pressurized air being released from under the door jamb. She steps in without invitation or introduction. Her heart isn’t pounding in frantic nervousness like she thought it might have. There’s a dislocated numbness instead, the kind that only comes with moments of pure and unsolicited rage. She rounds the corner past the bathroom and prepares herself for the worst.

Her mother is tucked neatly into the bed, looking worn and weathered for all she’s worth. For a moment, Valentina almost feels sorry for her. And then she’s relieved, because she looks nothing like she’d thought she would. When she’d been young, she’d had a photo of their parents, faded and worn at the edges. Valentina had thought, perhaps naively, that she’d be her mother’s daughter even now. In the picture they have the same sleek hair, same nose, same eyes. The same cut of the jaw and freckles on their neck. Santino looks more like their father.

But this woman - she’s a stranger. It’s not anything new, Valentina thinks, settling down in the chair near the window. She places her bag in her lap, crosses one leg over the other. It has to be the window, not next to the bed. She doesn’t think she can stand as close as two feet without feeling the desire to do something unkind. (And isn’t that a perfect summarization of it? They’ll put it on her tombstone, if she gets one: Valentina Gallo, lovingly remembered, always cruel.) She doesn’t know what she’ll put on her mother’s tombstone. She hardly has the money for a funeral, and with their father buried somewhere in Germany, it’s just going to be them. Santino and Valentina, like always, since the start of it.

Maria’s asleep. Valentina wonders if she’s in pain, if she aches in the way they say cancer tends to. There’s no way she’ll be pulling out of it. She’s got a week. Maybe less, or at least that’s what the doctor had said over the phone. At this point she almost wants to say it’ll be better to be rid of her than anything else. Maria Gallo’s death will be easier than the brief attempt she had made at raising her children. She won’t even know it when she slips into darkness, with the way she’s slumbering now. The clock in the room ticks. She tips her head back against the chair and closes her eyes. She doesn’t know when she slips into a dream but she does. When she’s jolted awake by the sound of the nurse closing the door behind her nearly an hour later, she doesn’t remember entirely what it had been about. Her bag hits the floor. “Fuck.”

She bends to grab for it. When she sits back up, Maria Gallo is staring at her daughter with the same hazel eyes Valentina sees when she looks in the mirror. It’s like being caught in the act of a crime, doing something she’s not supposed to just by being in the room. Maria smiles, and it pulls at the lines on her face. Valentina feels her mouth slip into a frown as she stands. Her mother is only in her late fifties, had barely been twenty when she’d had her children, but she looks eons older, like the life has been sucked out of her. And it has. And Valentina is about to siphon the rest out. She crosses the room to perch on the bed, in the space Maria has made with her legs. It feels… awkward. What is she supposed to do? Pet her hair? Sing her a song? How do you comfort a stranger in their dying moments?

“Sei tu l'angelo della morte?” Maria rasps.

Valentina laughs, or tries to, but it gets caught in her throat. She clenches her fists, digs her nails into her palms. This isn’t the right time, she thinks. Not the right place. There’s never going to be a right time, a right place. This is what she gets. But it’s so… stereotypical. She should say no, should draw the woman who’d given her life into her arms, hold her for the first and last time.

“Yes,” she answers.

A cold and clammy hand reaches up, shaking. Her mother’s hand brushes her cheek, the scar across her brow, and frowns in a surprisingly judgmental manner for a dying woman. Weren’t the sickly supposed to repent, in their final hours? She doesn’t say anything. Just… stares. Her daughter stares back, unsure that she could draw anything else out of her if she tried. There’s so much she wants to say, to ask, but finds herself mute at the worst time. My duty hushes me, she thinks, and nothing else. Valentina stands, and Maria’s arm falls back to her side, as if her presence had given her the willpower to keep it up alone.

“You were supposed to love me.” She’s ashamed in the way her voice trembles, cracking across supposed, embarrassed by the flushing of her cheeks. She can feel the way the heat rises in her face and tries to compose herself. Always an ugly crier. “You were supposed to love me, and you didn’t.”

She looks down. Her mother is already asleep, chest barely rising and falling with her breaths. There’s no sharp reply, or angry comeback. It’s… acceptance, maybe, and that’s worse than anything else could. When she’d came here, she’d been expecting to end it. To ask the doctors to pull the plug, have it over with. But now - now it seems better to drag things out. Let her suffer. She can hardly stand to be in the room a minute longer, suffocating as it feels. It’s too much, too fast. She needs to go.

She leaves the room without a goodbye, upset she can’t slam the door on her way out. It hisses shut, the one last gasp of a dying woman. She fishes her phone out of her purse and dials her brother’s number, hoping, praying, begging for some sort of comforting release from what feels like strangulation. It goes to voicemail, because of course it does. “You’ve reached Santino. Leave a message,” and Christ, he sounds chipper. Unjustifiably so.

“It’s Valentina. Mom’s… mom’s dead.” It’s not entirely true, but at this point, it’s doesn’t matter. Another white lie stacked atop a mountain of them. The phone goes back in the purse, the purse slung over her shoulder, and that’s really the least of it.

Maria Gallo’s burial, held in a rush a week later, is attended by two people, including the priest. Her daughter is not one of them.

Extras: pinterest board, playlist.

Out of Character

Alias | Julie

Age | 19

Preferred Pronouns | She/her or they/them works fine!

Activity Level | School is finally wrapping up, so I’m gonna give it an 6-7/10. I work on the weekends and might pick up some more shifts here soon, but I’m pretty good at time management and my best friend is the queue. I’m usually more active in the evenings, but I’m always lurking.

Timezone | MST

Triggers | Infertility + Miscarriage

In Character

Character | Viola / Valentina Gallo, with Phoebe Tonkin as the faceclaim.

And I think it’s difficult, for her, clutching at humanity when it seemed - or in some cases, still seems - pointless in holding onto. I think Viola’s seen both ends of the spectrum: people who’ve gotten out from the slums, done well for themselves, and people who just keep on digging the hole deeper. I think she sees both ends of the spectrum in herself and her brother, bonded as they are. She has ambition, but it’s an ambition born from grief for what she could have been, not from luxury or privilege. She’s made something out of the shell of her own potential, where so many others have slipped up or faltered or simply given up the ghost. Her undercover operation is just another chance to prove her strength, and at this point, that’s easy.

Joining up with the Montagues is, arguably, the first choice that life has allowed her to make. It’s something she owns, that belongs to her, and God help anyone who tries to take that from her.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yeah! Bring me the angst.

In Depth

Self para, word count: 1256. Trigger warning for parental death and mentions of abuse/abandonment.

“Sei tu l'angelo della morte?” Maria rasps.

“Yes,” she answers.

Maria Gallo’s burial, held in a rush a week later, is attended by two people, including the priest. Her daughter is not one of them.

Extras: pinterest board, playlist, mock blog.

#accepted #accepted: viola

0 notes

newyorktheater · 4 years

Text

James Corden at National Live at Home

Oscar winner Parasite debuts on Hulu

She Loves Me on PBS

Jodie Foster and Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver, on Netflix

Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman in Les Miserables, on Amazon Prime

There are no “openings” on stage likely this month, but there is much to see online for theater lovers and screen enthusiasts alike. Below is more than just the usual streaming services Amazon Prime, HBO, Hulu, and Netflix, though they’re all there. There’s also the newly created National Theatre at Home, which is streaming recordings of stage shows FOR FREE this month, from “One Man, Two Guv’nors to “Twelfth Night.”

Lovers of live theater should also check out Where To Get Your Theater Fix Online: Old Favorites and New Experiments — everything from BroadwayHD to the new downtown platform TrickleUp to 24 Hour Plays’ Viral Monologues. (Many of the exciting new theater-livestreaming sites haven’t yet planned a month ahead)

NBC has announced a rebroadcast of its Emmy-winning Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert for Easter Sunday, April 12.

National Theatre at Home

Each filmed production will be streamed for free on National Theatre’s YouTube channel for a week, starting on the date listed

April 2: One Man, Two Guv’nors The slapstick comedy starring James Corden

April 9: Jane Eyre Sally Cookson’s adaptation of the Charlotte Brontë classic

April 16: Treasure Island Bryony Lavery’s adaptation of the Robert Louis Stevenson novel, which premiered at the National in 2014

April 23: Twelfth Night The 2017 production of Shakespeare’s comedy, directed by Simon Godwin

PBS

Great Performances on All Arts

April 11 10 a.m..: She Loves Me

April 11 1 p.m. : An American in Paris The Musical

April 11 4 p.m.: Noel Coward’s Present Laughter

April 11 7 p.m.: Irving Berlin’s Holiday Inn The Broadway Musical

April 11 10 pm.: Kinky Boots

April 19 5 p.m.: Rodgers and Hammerstein’s The King and I

Playing on Air

The new season of this podcast’s short original radio plays

April 5: The Clam, by Amanda Quaid After a lifetime of playing it safe , a wistful clam (Tony Shalhoub) decides to come out of his shell, with the help of a therapist (Kristine Nielsen) April 12: Night Vision by Dominique Morisseau One night in Brooklyn, pregnant Ayanna (April Mathis) and her husband Ezra (Eden Marryshow) witness a sudden, violent attack. April 19: Wild and Precious Life by Patricia Cotter Friends and flames gather to celebrate and remember the life of charismatic, outrageous Sheila (Debra Monk) — but the dearly departed still has one more trick up her sleeve. April 26: Fake News by Doug Wright Anchors Bob Tunley and Fran Mercer are the iconic voices behind KLWP News Hour — but today, they’ve become the story. As bizarre and menacing soundbites interrupt their live radio broadcast, the studio crew begins to fear that they’re under attack. Starring Eisa Davis, Jeremy Shamos, Steven Boyer and Kate Finneran.

youtube

Hulu

Hulu highlights: 2020 Best Picture Oscar winner Parasite comes exclusively to Hulu on April 8. The Hulu/FX collaboration Mrs. America, which stars Cate Blanchett as Phyllis Schlafly, premieres April 15. A screen adaptation of Sally Rooney’s popular book, Normal People, will be available to stream on April 29.

April 1

60 Days In: Narcoland, Season 1

90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After?, Season 4

Alone, Season 6

The Ant Bully

Bangkok Dangerous

Breaking Amish, Seasons 2 and 3

Bend It Like Beckham

Blazing Saddles

The Book Of Eli

The Boost

Bring It!, Season 5

Chopped, Season 36

The Chumscrubber

Cutthroat Kitchen, Season 12

Dance Moms, Seasons 2 and 6

Diary of a Hitman

Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, Seasons 27 through 29

Dr. Pimple Popper, Season 3

Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who

Dr. T. and the Women

The Eternal

The Family Chantel, Season 1

Free Birds

The Food That Built America, Season 1

The Full Monty

Fast N’ Loud, Season 13

Fixer Upper (How We Got to Here: Looking Back on Fixer Upper), Special on HGTV

Forged in Fire, Season 6

Fun in Acapulco

Gator

Get Smart

Gods and Monsters

Gold Medal Families, Season 1

Gorky Park

Hidden Potential, Season 1

House Hunters, Season 120

Hud

The Jewel of the Nile

Kabukicho Sherlock, Season 1

Kids Behind Bars: Life or Parole, Season 1

The Kitchen, Seasons 16 through 18

Kill Bill: Volume 1

Kill Bill: Volume 2

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Let Me In

Little Women: Atlanta, Season 5

Little Women: LA, Seasons 7 and 8

Love It or List It, Season 14

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

Married at First Sight, Season 9

Marrying Millions, Season 1

The Mexican

Misery

Moll Flanders

Phone Booth

Property Brothers, Seasons 10 and 11

Repentance

Risky Business

Romancing the Stone

The Sender

Shirley Valentine

Spider-Man

Taken at Birth, Season 1

Til Death Do Us Part, Season 1

TRANsitioning, Season 1

Trapped: The Alex Cooper Story

Victoria Gotti: My Father’s Daughter

Who Let The Dogs Out

The X-Files: I Want to Believe

Zombieland

April 3

Future Man, Season 3

Into the Dark: Pooka Lives

Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell, Season 4

Siren, Season 3 premiere on Freeform

April 6

Too Cautious Hero, Season 1

April 7

No Guns Life

April 8

Parasite

April 9

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, Series premiere on ABC

Kono Oto Tomare!: Sounds of Life, Season 2A

Little Joe

April 10

Real Housewives of Potomac, Season 4

April 12

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Season 9B

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic en Español, Season 9B

April 14

The Bachelor: Listen to Your Heart, Series premiere on ABC

The Baker and the Beauty, Series premiere on ABC

Songland, Season 2 premiere on NBC

Vault

Unlocked

April 15

Mrs. America

The Masked Singer: Sing-Along Spectacular, Special on Fox

A Teacher

The Messenger

April 16

What We Do In The Shadows, Season 2 premiere on FX

Harry Benson: Shoot First

April 20

Paranormal Activity 3

A Kind Of Murder

April 22

Special-7, Season 1

April 23

Cunningham

April 24

Abominable

April 29

Footloose

April 30

2020 Billboard Music Awards, Special on NBC

youtube

Netflix

Netflix highlights: All six seasons of the TV series Community, the films The Social Season and Martin Scorcese’s Taxi Driver on April 1. The Good, The Bad and the Ugly on April 2. Despicable Me on April 16.

Also check out the ongoing video-captured Broadway shows, such as John Leguizamo’s Latin History for Morons

April 1

40 Days and 40 Nights

Bloodsport

Cadillac Records

Can’t Hardly Wait

Cheech & Chong’s Up in Smoke

Community: Season 1-6

David Batra: Elefanten I Rummet

The Death of Stalin

Deep Impact

The Girl With All the Gifts

God’s Not Dead

The Hangover

How to Fix a Drug Scandal

The Iliza Shlesinger Sketch Show

Just Friends

Killer Klowns From Outer Space

Kim’s Convenience: Season 4

Lethal Weapon

Lethal Weapon 2

Lethal Weapon 3

Lethal Weapon 4

The Matrix

The Matrix Reloaded

The Matrix Revolutions

Minority Report

Molly’s Game

Mortal Kombat

Mud

Nailed It!: Season 4

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Pokémon the Series: Sun & Moon: S3: Sun & Moon – Ultra Legends

Promised Land

Road to Perdition

The Roommate

The Runaways

Salt

School Daze

Sherlock Holmes

The Social Network

Soul Plane

Sunderland ‘Til I Die: Season 2

Sunrise in Heaven

Taxi Driver

Wildling

April 2

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Violet Evergarden: Eternity and the Auto Memory Doll

April 3

Coffee & Kareem

La casa de papel: Part 4

Money Heist: The Phenomenon

Spirit Riding Free: Riding Academy

StarBeam

April 4

Angel Has Fallen

April 5

The Killing of a Sacred Deer

April 6

The Big Show Show

April 7

Terrace House: Tokyo 2019-2020: Part 3

April 9

Hi Score Girl: Season 2

April 10

Brews Brothers

LA Originals

La vie scolaire

Love Wedding Repeat

The Main Event

Tigertail

April 11

Code 8

April 14

Chris D’Elia: No Pain

April 15

The Innocence Files

Outer Banks

April 16

Despicable Me

Fary: Hexagone: Season 2

Fauda: Season 3

Hail, Caesar!

Mauricio Meirelles: Levando o Caos

Jem and the Holograms

April 17

Betonrausch

#blackAF

Earth and Blood (La terre et le sang)

The Last Kids on Earth: Book 2

Legado en los huesos

Sergio

Too Hot to Handle

April 18

The Green Hornet

April 20

Cooked With Cannabis

The Midnight Gospel

The Vatican Tapes

April 21

Bleach: The Assault

Bleach: The Bount

Middleditch & Schwartz

April 22

Absurd Planet

Circus of Books

El silencio del pantano

The Plagues of Breslau

The Willoughbys

Win the Wilderness

April 23

The House of Flowers: Season 3

April 24

After Life: Season 2

Extraction

Hello Ninja: Season 2

Yours Sincerely, Kanan Gill

April 25

The Artist

Django Unchained

April 26

The Last Kingdom: Season 4

April 27

Battle: Los Angeles

Never Have I Ever

April 29

A Secret Love

Extracurricular

Murder to Mercy: The Cyntoia Brown Story

Nadiya’s Time to Eat

Summertime

April 30

Dangerous Lies

Drifting Dragons

The Forest of Love: Deep Cut

Rich in Love (Rico de Amor)

The Victims’ Game

youtube

Amazon Prime

Amazon Prime highlights: Most James Bond movies are on offer starting April 1. The Bodyguard with Whitney Houston on April 1. The movie of the musical Les Miserables on April 10. The Joker, with Oscar winning actor Joaquin Phoenix, April 16. The musical drama film Footloose, April 29.

Check out also the musicals and other Broadway shows, some of them taped directly from the stage, that you can rent from Amazon Prime.

April 1

Bangkok Dangerous

Bird of Paradise

Blind Husbands

Broken Blossoms

The Bodyguard

The Boost

The Brothers Grimm

The Chumscrubber

Daniel Boone

Diamonds Are Forever

Diary of a Hitman

Die Another Day

Dishonored Lady

Dollface

Dr. No

Dr. T & the Women

Drums in the Deep South

For Your Eyes Only

From Russia With Love

Gator

Gods and Monsters

Goldeneye

Goldfinger

Gorky Park

The Hoodlum

Hotel Artemis

I Am Legend

Licence to Kill (4K UHD)

Live and Let Die (4K UHD)

The Living Daylights

The Lost World

The Man With the Golden Gun

Mark of Zorro

Moonraker (4K UHD)

Mutiny

Never Say Never Again

The New Adventures of Tarzan

Octopussy

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Repentance

The Sender

Shirley Valentine

Son of Monte Cristo

The Spy Who Loved Me

Tarzan the Fearless

Thunderball

Tomorrow Never Dies

A View to a Kill

The World Is Not Enough

You Only Live Twice

The Bureau: Season 1

America in Color: Season 1

Bronx SIU: Season 1

Dirt Every Day: Season 1

El Rey del Valle: Season 1

Foyle’s War: Season 1

The Mind of a Chef: Season 1

Molly of Denali: Season 1

Mr. Selfridge: Season 1

Our Wedding Story: Season 1

Vida: Season 1

April 3

Invisible Life

Tales From the Loop

April 10

Les Misérables

Rambo: Last Blood

April 14

Vault

April 16

The Lighthouse

Joker

April 17

Bosch: Season 6

Dino Dana: Season 3B

Selah and the Spades

April 20

Paranormal Activity 3

April 29

Footloose

youtube

HBO

HBO highlights: “The Plot Against America” and “High Maintenance” end their runs, and “Run” begins its run on April 12; the new series stars Domhnall Gleeson and Merritt Wever as people who flee into thrilling and comedic adventures, setting off from The Grand Central Terminal (where you could congregate without repercussions in a previous era.) Also worth watching: the fourth season of Insecure and one of my favorite movies, “The Kids Are All Right.” Theater fans might also be interested in “Glee: The 3D Concert Movie” and “Xanadu.”

April 1

Alpha and Omega, 2010 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, 2011 American Pie, 1999 American Pie 2, 2001 American Wedding, 2003 Becoming Jane, 2007 Clockstoppers, 2002 Daylight, 1996 Die Hard, 1988 Die Hard 2, 1990 Die Hard with a Vengeance, 1995 Dragged Across Concrete, 2018 Drop Dead Fred, 1991 The Family Stone, 2005 The Flintstones, 1994 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, 2000 Galveston, 2018 Glee: The 3D Concert Movie (Extended Version), 2011 The Great Gilly Hopkins, 2015 The Judge, 2014 The Kids Are All Right, 2010 The Lovely Bones, 2009 Loving, 2016 Monte Carlo, 2011 The Nice Guys, 2016 The Predator, 2018 Slumdog Millionaire, 2008 Something Wild, 1986 Sophie’s Choice, 1982 Team America: World Police, 2004 Ulee’s Gold, 1997 War Dogs, 2016 Water for Elephants, 2011 Xanadu, 1980

April 4

Good Boys, 2019

April 5

Atlanta’s Missing and Murdered: The Lost Children, Docuseries Premiere — HBO Original

April 11

It: Chapter 2, 2019

April 12

Run, Series Premiere — HBO Original

April 18

Stuber, 2019

April 19

Entre Hombre, Series Premiere — HBO Original

April 20

Shadows, Season 3 — HBO Original

April 23

We’re Here, Series Premiere — HBO Original

April 25

Bad Education — HBO Original

April 27

I Know This Much Is True, Limited Series Premiere — HBO Original

April 28

Autism: The Sequel — HBO Original

April 2020 Calendar of “Openings”: What’s Streaming on Netflix, National Theatre, Hulu, PBS Great Performances, Amazon Prime, HBO Etc There are no "openings" on stage likely this month, but there is much to see online for theater lovers and screen enthusiasts alike.

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celticnoise · 4 years

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CQN continues its enthralling and EXCLUSIVE extracts from Alex Gordon’s book, ‘That Season In Paradise’, which takes us through the months that were the most momentous in Celtic’s proud history.

Today, we look at another dramatic period that saw the team fight back after a stutter in December.

WINTER’S unforgiving icy grip, with the attendant obbligato of piercing, shrieking howls and the drifting, persistent snowfalls, forced football in Scotland to a quivering standstill as 1966 frostily crossed over into 1967.

The scheduled Old Firm encounter at Ibrox on January 3 was an early victim of the freeze. The game against Clyde had already met with the same chilly fate. The Celtic players had to wait seven days into the momentous new year before they were required to don their new rubbersoled shoes. The innovative John Hughes, of course, had shown the way the previous January as he tip-toed through the frigid conditions at Celtic Park on his way to ransacking Rangers.

Now, twelve months on, Jock Stein insisted on all his players being kitted with the new shoes from the Adidas manufacturers. An admirable crowd of 37,000 turned out in the frosty east end of Glasgow to welcome their heroes into another year of hope and expectation.

No-one had a clue what lay ahead as the combatants of Celtic and Dundee emerged from the tunnel that chilly afternoon.

Jock Stein’s team gave the supporters a bit of a clue by taking a two-goal lead in five minutes before coasting to a 4-0 advantage inside half-an-hour. Ten of the men who would become legends in Lisbon on May 25 that year were on parade; Bertie Auld was the odd man out with a place on the substitute’s bench while Charlie Gallagher teamed up with Bobby Murdoch in the middle of the park. John Hughes, after struggling to make an impact in his comeback game against Dundee United on Hogmanay, was rested.

It was Murdoch who pointed Celtic in the direction of a cavalcade of goals in the opening moments when he delivered a vicious cross into the Dundee penalty area. Bobby Wilson, the Dundee right-back, was smack in the line of fire and the ball cannoned off a shin before flying past his static and unprepared goalkeeper, John Arrol. Ninety seconds later, Murdoch picked out Willie Wallace with a forty-yard pass of laser-beam accuracy and the striker killed the ball instantly and, in the same sweeping movement, thundered in a shot from an acute angle that had the keeper admitting defeat again. Jimmy Johnstone administered more punishment on the custodian in the twentieth minute, but, in between the goals, Arrol had made outstanding saves from Stevie Chalmers and Wallace. He had no answer, though, when Johnstone clipped one past him following a clever Gallagher free-kick.

Gallagher, so often Auld’s understudy, was gifted with poise and balance and was revelling on the dodgy surface that had only passed an inspection at 8.45 that morning. The delicate inside-forward would never be known as a great goalscorer, but he was the scorer of great goals. And that was ably demonstrated in the twenty-eighth minute when he pulled the ball down, pirouetted and, without even looking up, cracked a shot of awesome power high into the net. By this time, the fans had forgotten about the Arctic temperatures. Celtic eased up after the interval and Kenny Cameron pulled one back for the visitors, but the first game of the 1967 adventure got a fitting last-minute salute when Wallace walloped in the fifth goal.

One impressed national newspaper scribe wrote, ‘Someone had to pay for Celtic’s defeat at Tannadice on Hogmanay and fate ruled that the team should be Dundee, who were so outclassed that only the brilliance of their goalkeeper John Arrol prevented complete and utter humiliation. Time and time again, Arrol came to his side’s rescue with saves bordering on the miraculous as Celtic made light of the treacherous underfoot conditions and bombarded the Dundee goal from practically the first minute to last.’

The Celtic goalscoring spree continued in midweek with Clyde on the receiving end of identical punishment dished out to Dundee. The players of the Shawfield outfit, who would finish an extremely credible third in the First Division upon the completion of the campaign, arrived at Parkhead with the handsome record of picking up win bonuses on their last four sorties outside Rutherglen. Also, Davie White’s side had lost only once in their previous eight games. And, for close on an hour, the visitors, including future Celt Harry Hood, showed why they had racked up such an excellent sequence of results. Then the roof caved in on the gallant part-timers.

There was the little evidence of the drama that had yet to unfold when Celtic, as expected, took an early lead in the twelfth minute as Stevie Chalmers accepted a thoughtful through pass from Willie Wallace and launched an unstoppable drive high past Tommy McCulloch, Clyde’s highly-respected thirty-two-year-old goalkeeper. Joe Gilroy, however, interrupted proceedings just after the half-hour mark when he slid the equaliser beyond Ronnie Simpson, three years the senior of his opposite number. It remained locked at 1-1 at the interval and beyond.

ALL SMILES…the clever and astute midfielder Charlie Gallagher.

However, Charlie Gallagher, who scored goals with the regularity of sightings of Halley’s Comet, netted his second in successive games to hand the initiative back to the champions. The midfielder nimbly tucked away a low cross from Chalmers in the fifty-fourth minute and the 38,000 crowd had to wait another eighteen minutes before witnessing a spellbinding succession of deadly finishing as Clyde were blown away by a green tempest. Chalmers started the goal parade in the seventy-second minute when McCulloch could only parry a low shot from Jimmy Johnstone. Two minutes later, Tommy Gemmell, from his favourite shooting distance of twenty-five yards, crashed in another as he tested the strength of the rigging and, within sixty seconds, Bobby Lennox headed in the fifth and final goal. Who could have blamed veteran custodian McCulloch for reaching for the smelling salts afterwards?

In glowing terms, one newspaperman noted, ‘As if charged by some invisible dynamo, Celtic seemed to play out the last half-hour at a pace even faster than anything that had been set before – and it paid off in no uncertain manner, with three goals in the space of four minutes. That was the end of the match as a contest, but not as an entertainment, for right until the end Celtic kept plugging away for more goals and were denied them only by some resolute defensive play by the stout-hearted Clyde defenders.’

Tommy Gemmell was given a special round of applause from his team-mates and the 19,000 supporters crammed into the confines of Muirton Park as Celtic travelled to Perth to take on St Johnstone on January 14. The cavalier-like full-back was celebrating the occasion of his one hundredth successive first team appearance for the club – and he came close to marking the event by putting the Celtic physiotherapist Bob Rooney’s son in hospital. With the game poised at 0-0 and pushing beyond the hour-long evaluation of their opponents, Gemmell, forcing on his forwards as usual, raced on to a ball about thirty yards out and he let loose a mighty effort which appeared to be fizzing towards the top corner of Jim Donaldson’s goal. However, defender Benny Rooney, who started his career at Parkhead while his father Bob worked with the backroom team, was either brave or foolhardy – certainly ill-advised – managed to get his head in the way and diverted the ball off target.

One scribe wrote, ‘Gemmell almost decapitated Rooney with a shot that hit the centre-half on the brow and sent him to the ground with the ball spinning for yet another corner.’

The Celtic great said, ‘What on earth was he thinking? Goalkeepers used to get out the way of my shots and there he was trying to head it clear! Served him right for trying to deny Celtic a goal. He should have known better. Actually, I do recall that moment and I think that shot had goal written all over it until his intervention. He went down as though he had been hit by an invisible cannonball. Thankfully, Benny was made of good stuff and was back on his feet shortly afterwards. And, also, I was grateful that we got the goals afterwards that took the points back to Parkhead.’

Following Rooney’s moment of injudicious valour, Jimmy Johnstone sneaked in a left-foot drive for the opening goal in the sixty-third minute and added another six minutes later. There was another two-goal burst late in the game when Stevie Chalmers netted a third in the eighty-sixth minute and Bobby Lennox clipped one over the line only moments afterwards to make the final scoreline an emphatic 4-0 for the league leaders and defending champions. It proved to be a crucial victory for Celtic. On the same day, Rangers beat Dundee United 3-1 at Ibrox to kick off an astonishing twelve-game sequence of league wins, an accomplishment which merely emphasised the tour de force that was Jock Stein’s team who were able to meet and overcome such a sustained challenge while retaining their title.

After almost fifty years of working in newspapers, I can vouch for my wonderful city of Glasgow being the world’s capital of rumour, innuendo and speculation, malicious or misguided, informed or otherwise. There is always someone ‘in the know’ with the genuine ‘inside info’ about this, that and the next thing. God only knows how so many of these tales originate. I’ve always thought there were too many people with fertile imaginations with too little to occupy their minds or take up their time. Trust me, after so many phone calls over the many years, I have the severely bent ears to prove it.

And so, I am reliably informed, that was the case back in the middle of January 1967 when the whispers began concerning the welfare of Joe McBride, who hadn’t been seen in the Celtic first team since Christmas Eve the previous year. Less than a month had elapsed since his enforced absence and that was enough to get the ball rolling. Joe, everyone was reliably informed by the ‘insiders’, had scored his last goal, his career was over.

Jock Stein was concerned to the extent of getting touch with some of his friends, principally chosen by the team boss, in the national Press. He instructed them to quote him directly as he emphasised, ‘Joe McBride will play for us again and that should kill once and for all the stupid rumour that he is finished as a player. The rumour is completely untrue. We are going to prove that when we replay our Second X1 Cup-tie against Hearts. Joe is completely fit now as our supporters will see on Wednesday night.’ Celtic edged it 3-2, but the fans who were there to witness the action were not quite as convinced as their club’s manager about the merits of the centre-forward. Their doubts were given some substance when McBride was omitted from the team for the reserve fixture at Easter Road three days later after Stein had been informed the pitch was particularly heavy following torrential rainfall in the capital. McBride, for the time being, anyway, came off the radar as the gossips moved onto some other unfortunate victim.

ON STRIKE…Stevie Chalmers prepares to launch a shot at the Rangers goal with John Greig getting a good view.

The club’s top scorer was, in fact, in the Parkhead stand to witness his Celtic pals squaring up to the Hibs side that had made them work so hard for two points in Edinburgh back in the first week in October. The champions had won that exciting skirmish 5-3 and, in the opening minutes of the return fixture, it looked as though the 41,000 supporters were in for another bumper episode of goalmouth action. Inside the first ten minutes, Willie Wallace and Stevie Chalmers had hit the woodwork and Jimmy O’Rourke had replied for the visitors by blitzing one off Ronnie Simpson’s post.

The goal avalanche didn’t materialise, though. Celtic won 2-0 fairly comfortably in the end. Wallace had the Parkhead faithful cheering in the twelfth minute when he drove the ball wide of Thomson Allan and Chalmers followed up with the killer second seven minutes before the turnaround. Celtic strangled the game in the second period with their possessional expertise while still maintaining a high level of entertainment. Chalmers’ goal was his fourth in three successive league games and he had given the impression he had unhesitatingly picked up the goalscoring gauntlet in the absence of McBride.

The appealing nature of the team’s adventurous outlook, moved one newspaper reporter to write, ‘To declare that Celtic are the outstanding football side in Scotland is as much a statement of the obvious as to say the best way of remaining alive is to keep breathing. For the critic – be he friendly, alien or neutral – the problem of each passing week rests in how to rephrase former eulogies. On this evidence, Celtic are unlikely to offer him much relief from his difficulty until the season ends.’

January 28 just happens to be the date this author made his debut on the planet. Celtic – and Rangers – supporters may have other reasons to remember this milestone, for both vastly differing reasons. On the face of it, a quiet and unremarkable Saturday was on the cards with both teams taking part in the Scottish Cup against teams from the lower division. Celtic had been drawn against Arbroath at Parkhead and Jock Stein had pondered the wisdom and validity of bringing back Joe McBride against inferior opposition, especially at home.

However, he heeded medical advice that informed him the striker still required to rest his problematic knee. McBride was again in the comfy seats to watch the game which was just about over beyond the half-hour mark with the home side coasting along with a three-goal advantage. It would eventually finish at 4-0 and Ronnie Simpson may have even felt a little guilty at accepting his win bonus such was the inactivity around his goalmouth.

Bobby Murdoch sent a twenty-yard rocket screeching high into the net for the first goal in the thirteenth minute and six minutes later Tommy Gemmell demonstrated his shooting power from thirty yards when he torpedoed one into the top corner. Stevie Chalmers applied a typical finish for No 3 and Bertie Auld had a tap-in for the fourth near the end. Everything had gone according to plan for one half of the celebrated Old Firm. However, it wasn’t quite the case for the holders of the trophy who had been drawn away from home to play the minnows of Berwick Rangers. It had been billed as a mismatch of colossal proportions. Had it been a boxing contest, no board of control would have issued a licence for the fight to take place in legal circumstances. Or so we were informed.

BERWICK RANGERS 1 RANGERS 0 was the scoreline that sent shock waves through football. The host of BBC Grandstand had to repeat the result a couple of times to astonished viewers such was the unexpectedness and sheer disbelief at the outcome of the game at Shielfield Park. Rangers went into the contest as holders of the trophy content in the knowledge they had never lost in the tournament to a team from a lower division. Also, it had been thirty years since the Ibrox team had vacated the competition at the first hurdle. Sammy Reid was the player behind the sensational result with the only goal in the thirty-second minute. The following day, Reid was back at his job as a gear cutter in a local engineering yard to make up for the time he had been given off to train for the big game.

The story still persists of Rangers captain John Greig asking referee Eddie Thomson to allow another couple of minutes as the game edged towards its conclusion. The match official is alleged to have replied, ‘I’ve already given you four!’ The Ibrox stalwart, who later became the club’s manager, didn’t attempt to play the down the humiliation when he said, ‘This is probably the worst result in the history of this club.’

Ironically, the Berwick Rangers goalkeeper that fateful afternoon was none other than Jock Wallace, who was player/manager of the tiny club. His take on the score? ‘We should have won 3-0,’ he said. ‘We missed two easier chances than the one Sammy put away.’

Bertie Auld recalled, ‘Everyone seemed shocked by that result, but not me. I was convinced Rangers had used up a full season’s luck when they beat us in the Scottish Cup replay the previous season.’ Tongue in cheek, perhaps? Only the most devilishly mischievous of the Lisbon Lions has the answer to that.

TOMORROW: FEBRUARY – FIGHTING BACK

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