#before im ready to take a deep breath and fully commit to a shift of name and pronouns | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thedeathdeelers · 3 years

Text

red flannel

It had been the longest day of Luke's (after)life, or at least it had felt like it.

The boys had spent all day preparing for Julie's Sweet 16, all three working hard alongside Ray and Carlos to make sure this was going to be the best birthday Julie could possibly have.

With Flynn keeping her busy in her bedroom and around the house (the studio was strictly off-limits), all five of them had accomplished what they had set out to do in record time, the studio looking better than it had ever had.

Once they were done, Ray and Carlos had head back into the house for the night, sending Flynn straight home after dinner.

Soon after, Alex had poofed out to meet up with Willie, while Reggie made his way over to the old TV in the studio declaring that Mario Kart had been calling his name all day.

Fully aware that it was already too late for Julie to still be awake, Luke tries to settle in for a writing session, bringing his journal and a couple of pens with him as he collapses onto his couch. But try as he might, every time Luke's eyes wandered around the studio looking for inspiration, they would always end up in the direction of Julie's bedroom window.

Maybe she was still awake? Her nightlight was still on, and he hadn't seen her all day...

Luke's mind refuses to focus as he sits on the couch with his journal forgotten, his leg bouncing up and down relentlessly while the thought of just popping up to check on her continues to swirl around his mind.

Just a peak, something to ease his mind until he could wish her a proper happy birthday in the morning.

With his mind made up and eager to get to her, Luke quickly poofs out of the studio, his journal falling onto the couch with a quiet thud. He lands softly on Julie's window terrace, his fingers automatically latching onto her windowsill as he pulls himself closer to the glass. He tells himself he's only going to check on her, that if she's asleep he will poof right back to the studio, but the second his eyes land on her sleeping form on the bed, all hopes of leaving her evaporate into thin air.

Because right there, sleeping peacefully right in the centre of her bed, lay Julie fully wrapped up in his flannel. He stands there frozen as he takes in the sight before him, his mind empty of any and all thoughts.

She was curled in on herself, her knees tucked up close to her chest as his much larger flannel covered her from head to toe.

His gaze lingers on the mass of curls out on display, fanning over the red material, a contrast of colours that keeps pulling his attention to it.

Finally he lets his eyes tick up towards her face, finding a peaceful expression adorning her features. He watches, entranced, as she takes in slow regular breaths, the tip of his flannel's collar moving ever so slightly with each exhale, the soft material brushing against her cheek.

A slight movement brings him out of his daze, his eyes shifting once again as they zero in on her hands. Her fingers, already wrapped around his flannel, tighten their grip on it as she pulls the material closer to her body, as if to ward off a cool chill in the air.

Without thinking, Luke find himself poofing into Julie's bedroom as he pulls off the spare blanket from the bean bag and makes his way towards her bed.

He stops in his tracks when he sees her stirring slightly in her sleep, not wanting to make any noise that might wake up. He watches with baited breath as she burrows her face deeper into the material, taking in a deep breath near the collar, a small smile taking shape on her lips as she exhales.

He imagines his heart would be stuttering in its place at the sight before him as warmth floods his chest. Allowing himself a few more seconds to commit this moment to memory, Luke slowly resumes his movements, walking up to the edge of the bed as he very carefully drapes the blanket over Julie's sleeping form.

He watches her as she warms up under the blanket, her grip on his flannel relaxing, while the smile on her face remains unchanged.

As if by reflex, Luke's hand stretches out over the bed, his finger coming to rest on the apple of her cheek as it lightly traces down the line of her jaw, keeping a featherlight touch. He lingers near the corner of her smile, unable to look or move away from his favourite Julie Molina feature. Even in the dim light of her nightlight, Julie was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

With great reluctance and the repetitive sound of her voice repeatedly chanting "boundaries" at him in his head, Luke retracts his hand, only to be stopped by warm fingers wrapping themselves around his. His gaze flies up to Julie's eyes to find them half-open and trained on his face.

"Go back to sleep, Jules," he whispers to her, his hand still in her grasp.

"Luke." His name on her tongue, a sound so simple, yet so powerful. He can already feel himself being pulled back in towards her.

"Sorry I woke you, you just looked a little cold so I brought you a blanket. You can go back to sleep now, I was just about to leave." He keeps his voice low, a murmur, in hopes that the sound would lull her back to sleep. He tries to gently tug his hand out of her grip, only for her to hold on tighter.

Her reply is too quiet for him to hear, forcing him to lean down closer to her level.

"What'd you say Jules? I didn't catch that."

"Stay," she says, this time just a little louder, her voice raspy from sleep.

He struggles to get the words out, fighting himself to do the right thing and let her sleep.

"Julie you need to sleep, I'll come back in the morning," he reassures her.

"No, stay now." At her words, she tugs on his hand still in her grip, taking him off-guard as he nearly topples over her. He catches himself at the last second, his knee coming up to rest on the edge of the mattress.

"Juuules, I promised your dad I'd leave you alone - he said you needed your rest for your exam tomorrow." His sentence comes out as a whine as he watches Julie pull his hand up to her lips.

"Please...I missed you today," she mumbles against his fingers.

Any resolve he had left disappears the seconds those words leave her mouth. With a sigh, Luke slowly toes off his shoes before sliding in next to her on the bed, his hand still clutched tightly in hers.

He scoots closer to her, slipping in under the blanket as he wraps his arm around her flannel covered body, pulling her closer to his chest.

His heart nearly bursts at the sound of her sigh as she cuddles in closer to him, letting go of his hand to clutch onto his t-shirt and burrow her face into his chest.

"Better," he hears her say, her lips brushing against the spot right above his heart. "Don' need flannel 'n'more, got the real thing right here."

And before he can ask her to elaborate, he feels her relax against him, her breathing slow and steady once more.

Luke spends the rest of the night surrounded by Julie as the melodies he had been chasing all night finally start settling in his mind. By the time the sun started to rise, he had a fully formed song about a girl and an old red flannel ready to be transcribed onto his journal.

When the girl in question starts stirring in his arms, he brings his lips up to her ear, grazing against the soft skin to whisper,

"Happy birthday, Jules."

fin im so done

#bro idk #uhhh i have no idea don't ask #my brain fought me so hard while writing this but i refused to stop because i just Wanted This Done #so #ya idk #jatp #juke #my fics #julie and the phantoms

89 notes · View notes

theyanderespecialist · 3 years

Text

25 Days Of Christmas 13/25 Christmas Special 2 (One Shot) SCP 2030 X OC Marie

(Laughy's pov)

I smiled down at her as she wanted as she gave a frustrated groan as she shifted. There was something so beautiful about it..I suppose that this would be the perfect time for others to watch.

She just looked so beautiful laying there, chest heaving, body shaking as her face was red from laughing so much. No one in all my years, made me feel this way, I couldn't let her go now could I? No I couldn't. I was going to make her mine. In every sense of the way. I walk over just looking at her, looking at her in such an outfit that she never would have worn had I not made her.

"P-Please..don't just stare.." she said, her voice was so soft.. shy.. pleading. "You ca-can do more than look,..."

I nodded and lit a candle making her look at me confused I also got a peacock feather she got from the zoo.

"Now what to do with you~" I tease stroking it down her arm.

(you're lucky she washed that feather there could be diseases xD)

(XD)

She shuddered at that squirming at the feeling of the feather brushing down her skin as goosebumps form on her arm as her breathing once again hitched in excitement. He traced it up her leg and then to her core. She jerked at that as she let out a moan before I stop as my eye caught an eye mask on the side of her bed as I reach other as I hold it before putting it on her.

"Wh-what are you--"

"shh.. just focus on the feeling." I said as I resumed to trace the feather to her core.

She cried out and her thighs shake. I smile at that as I kept going as her hips thrust upward as she was probably feeling it ten fold as she shook more.

"I-I can't hold back!" She said, her hands turning to fists in her binds

She came hard the feather getting drenched in cum. She panted as I pulled it back as I smiled placing it on the bed still in shot as she seemed to relax as I smirk. The more I watch her and think of the others watching her like this, and seeing I was the one making her like this, the more excited I got.

I grab the candle as I pull the top down as she gasped and squirmed before letting out a Yelp when the wax fell on her breast. I smirked and did it. It was not hot enough to burn but also enough to make her stimulated. I wasn't going to pour boiling hot wax on her. She would flinch and let out soft whimpers, not of pain though. I smirked and then dropped one smallest drop of wax on her clit and she came again even harder than the last time.

(WARNING THIS IS BDSM AND THERE ARE SAFE WAXES TO USE IN THE BDSM DO NOT JUST TAKE YOUR SCENTED CADLE AND TRY THIS THAT IS NOT SAFE!!!)

(yeah there are candles that have a wax that drips at a lower heat)

(and look a lot of people class bdsm as torture. While there is a sub genre of machochist and sadism that does use sexual torture extensivel, a large part is about trust and boundaries. This is one example of asking to have the eye mask removed for the first time It's about compromise and figuring out the limits and testing those limits. Basically..sex in general)

(Yes it is a kink and trust is important if someone is using bdsm as a excuse to control you without your consent and a lot of manipulation (fifty shades of grey) then that is abuse and torture. A real bdsm relationship is built on trust love and respect)

(Here is actually proven things that happen in a abusive relationship that people say is okay because it is their "Kink" Woman (Or man) gets abused Then gets gifts like flowers (Ir in fifty shades of grey a house) then abused again and more gifts. Also a lot of people who want to control them will put a baby in you without your consent and make you keep it (Again fifty shades of grey) BOTTOM LINE FIFTY SHADES OF GREY IS ABUSIVE AND NOT BDSM RELATIONSHIP)

I smirked before looking at the camera for the first time as I smirk standing over her. I couldn't wait any longer as I ripped the dress off fully as she cried out. "W-What are you doing now?!"

"Taking you fully.--"

"W-wait! P-please.. can ..can you take the blindfold off? I... haven't had sex before ..I don't want to be in darkness when it happens.." she said softly.

I nodded and removed the mask and kiss her to reassure her. She kissed back but I could tell she was scared as she nudged her face into my neck.

"It's okay. Just take a deep breath.. and laugh okay?" I said as I pull my own pants down as she whimpered.

I take it slowly on pushing the tip in and letting her laugh it out most of the stress of something inside her the first time.

It was hard, seeing her cry but I knew she wasn't regretting it, shed tell me. I know she would. I still waiting for her as she clung to me with her legs.

"You want me to untie your arms so you can hold onto me properly?"

She nodded her head and I untie her and she instantly lings to me and grips me tight. I smiled and wiped her tears as I look at her and take one of her hands in mine as we waited, with me kissing her hand while waiting.

".." there seemed to be something she was red to say. "What is it?"

"...I ..I need you to pull out before you finish..I-I'm not on the pill." She said.

I froze for a second and knew I would NOT pull out I wanted a baby with her and I would say it was an accident.

(Okay like I said a bit ago yeah this is not healthy and he is controlling the choice but I NEVER said yanderes are healthy they are not this is fiction to enjoy in stories and not do in real life. Again fiction just for fun not for practice. I do not support manipulation or yandere tendencies.)

(and she is thinking it's a dream and the calming effect of 2030 really is helping him now)

(mmm hmmm)

She looked at me. "I-It's not that I don't want children..but I want to be one hundred percent sure that the father is just as committed and that the children have somewhere safe to live." She said softly looking at me

"They will I promise you, and I am. I want a family with you and want to marry you if I could I would do it right now." I tell her smiling with true love.

She looked at me shocked as she was about to speak before I didn't test thrust as she softly moaned. She wrapped her legs around me pulling me the rest of the way in and moaning loudly and in need. I smile at that as my breathing got Shakey. God..it felt so good. Why haven't I done any of this myself before?

"Y-You.. feel so good..~" she said softly as I felt my heart pound at that praise

“All for you~~” I purr

I liked it when. She praises me~ and she knew. She must have because she kept saying how I made her feel, how she liked the way I teaser her. It spurred me on making me feel so close. I held her close as I panted and start to thrust into her more as she cried out before I change positions. I wanted her to be seen, no better position than on top for that to happen. She gasped and put her hands on my chest to steady herself. She sat there for a second trying to get used to the new position before she slowly moved, looking at me like she was waiting for a sign of approval.

"Your doing so good beautiful~" I say and lean up kissing her. "Just like that~"

She smiled at me appreciating the feedback as she would lift herself up before sinking down and grinding her hips as I moan. "I-it might be easier if you don't clench down so hard." I said as she suddenly looked confused.

"But.. im not clenching?"

I blushed darkly and pulled her into a kiss and she kisses back. She is just that tight. If she did clench (She just pop that dick off XD) I don't think we could move.

(XD)

(xD she's doing everything he did

She held me as I felt her clench down as I let out a Shakey moan. "That's what it's like if I clench it. Does that feel okay?"

"Oh God~Yes~!" I moaned if she kept that up I cum for sure.

However she suddenly stopped, just sitting atop me. "What? Why'd you stop?" I asked as she smiled. Consider it a punishment for not addressing those flowers to me." She teased.

She then started to tickle me and I laughed and she did it for so long I was rock hard. She then tied me up and started to ride me again slowly though.

(Oh How have the table have turned XD)

(xD she's doing everything he did)

(XD Yup getting ready for wax on your dick XD Jk or am I XD)

She rode me harder and faster as I can tell we are both getting close she then pulled out half way and took the candle and add one drop onto my dick and I came hard and she came as well falling on top of me.

(I was not kidding XD)

I got out of my bonds and snuggled her. "Merry Christmas." I say just as she falls asleep and I carried her off. Time to take her home.

(2 hours later)

(No One's POV)

"Hey Marie! Forgot my keys for my house, duh!" Her friend called out not getting a response as she looked around confused seeing cookies left on a tray untouched.

"Marie?" She called out. Was she sleeping? She sighed and walked into the bedroom.

Inside she found a mess like a good fucking was taken place here and a DVD. What the hell happen? She picked it up seeing a picture of Marie from behind unaware with the title 'christmas special.' She put it on and what she saw shocked her. There was no way that was her friend.. doing that kind of stuff.. and there was no way she would let that be filmed. Something was not okay she called the police right away.

#yandere #yandere scp #yandere scp 2030 #yandere one shot #scp 2030 #scp 2030 x oc #scp foundation #one shot #OC #OC Marie

14 notes · View notes

delicioustrashlove · 3 years

Text

To me : a honest open letter to my self. deep breath and open up and express

What do you know . You went back there again and all though you held on super tight you couldn’t keep him could you? Of course not. You’ve lost your self every-time chasing him and you’ve never been able to catch him.

I thought I wouldn’t survive this one. I thought honestly I was not going to make something of my self . I whole heartedly was ready to give up . What ever happened happened and I could care less it’ll never be as bad as losing you. And I truthfully connived my self that my happiness only lied in your arms.

It took me so long to cry . Once I got back Colorado the reality of my new home, it was such a blur . For a while I pretended you died. To some how help my heart forget you. And thats all I wanted was to forget you. I deleted every picture and every single video .I blocked you on everything I could think of that youd have access to talking to me through . And for what . Just to black out once a week and tell you how much I miss you and that I love you . I drank my self silly . I mean every event every party every outing I had to be there I had to be anywhere but in reality . Because reality meant no you. It meant what once was and will never be again,, reality meant excepting my feelings. And I wanted so badly to be tough and strong. I’ve gotten my heart shattered a million times by you , you’d think I would get easier . It didnt it was worse . I was so fully invested in you that life didnt exist with out you in it . I didnt know what that felt like anymore . I was so wrapped up In you so blind to reality . Loving you meant losing my self . I lost my self 4 times a year for 5 years trying to keep your heart. I broke my own heart letting you back in to my life so many times . I knew better . But the love I had for you was so much stronger . I couldn’t stay away . I also revolved my entire world around you , so when you where gone I felt so literally like the world was ending . I lost my whole life . I realize now thats not healthy . You have to always prioritize your health and well being before anyone . You have to love you before you love anyone. So wed break up id self destruct then Id put all my pieces back together the ones you broke. Id fix my self and I would get back on track I was moving on I was happy then just like that . One phone call at 10pm where you clearly to drunk to remember the conversation id be on a plane. Drop my job my home my family My friends … quite literally everything just to be with you . Just to love you. All I ever did in this world was so unconditionally love you. I thought I could hate you I did for a while . But I dont anymore . You where apart of my journey and it almost killed losing you but it was supposed to happen . It was part of the plan that god has for me. You coming int o my life brought so much love and bond that ill never feel with anyone else . I will never love someone the way I let my self love you. And when the lesson has finally been learned only then I can move forward to the next chapter. And your purpose in my life was love and lots of lessons and lots of growing . You think god doest hear your heart crying you think he gave up on you ya know , but he never did. In the end you’ll see there was such bigger picture. 5 years I spent going back to you and leaving you. Why did I always go back ? Because loved you but I clearly wasn’t seeing what god prepared for me. He wouldn’t believe his lessons or fallow his guidance so he kept bring ing me back to you so I could relearn and remember why I left and well you might be my soulmate your not meant to be in my story forever . Only a couple chapters . And once you’ve served your purpose to my life that god wants me to have experienced and learned I will be able to move forward. I first must let you go . And I finally am starting to. I got so unhealthy and so sad and so stuck and caused so many health problems to my body . So much that was almost to much to prepare. But I made a choice one day . I chose my self , and not you. I chose to love me and not love you anymore. I commented intently to my family and I mean really gave it my all. I learned that no matter what my parents wouldn’t never leave mom behind .and im going to everything in my power to be a good girl to them and build our love and our relationship . And I think that was gods purpose all along. You cant keep whats not for you . And I didnt understand that when we parted ways. I accept that now . And I know as I continue to stay on the right path god has such beauty waiting ahead for me… look how much I loved you and all I did for you imagine how much I will love the right man. I did alot. Every time we break up I have to fix my self . But I know now its all apart of the journey . All those trials with you just made me stronger it made me braver it made me wiser and it made men grateful for the good ones. You breaking my heart was one of the best things to happen to me in the end. Because I never would stopped loving you I never would have left you behind. I would have always been your biggest fan and continued to love you till I ended up hating my self. You have the courage to set me free was the kindest thing you ever did for me. At the time I didnt get it but who I am now and what I ve accomplished for my self and how when you try really hard to be better and I mean really hard things kind of fall in to place. God smiles and says okay you deserve this you’ve learned you’ve grown . I manaaged to accomplish that goal of being close to my family . We are so close and we love trust and respect eachother so much . Our bond is very very strong . I managed to get my self too a doctor , I found out I complete sabotaged my health . And oh ya I have 14 allergies !!!! And some of the effects of those allergies after time has caused a harmful build up to where I was 3 years away form being diabetic , my thyroid completely stopped working . Amplifying my anxiety and my depression . The last month. I was in az i would get sick a lot . Id eat something and get sick . The problem was I was so fuxking drunk all the time I didnt ever thing anything of it. I’ve destroyed my guy and its a blessing that wildly and randomly this doctor asked if she could test me . And we found a lot of issues and also got a lot of answers to a lot of my health issues. Im starting treatment for that . Ill be injecting my self every other day with medicine to help my body repair the damages I have done and it will also help fight allergic reaction and build immunity so this doesnt happen again . I also !!! Am taking my meds again . Different ones but im glad I chose to take this chance on them again . I figured if im going to put my health and happiness first I dotn need to be drinking and If im not drinking a lot fo stuff is going to come to the surface and I don know how well ill be able to handle that reality. I also like I said thought. Was going to kill my self. I was so heartbroken so so so sad. I knew I needed help and I reached out and got. Now im happy and stable and I get out of bed and I have energy and im so present and to active. I work out everyday . I eat healthy and I lost some weight . My highest weigh t was 168 before our florida trip I got down to 147 , when worked for Linx I was 145 then after being with tj again my mental health went hay wire and I lost my self again . Completely lost. And when I got back to co I was 153 pounds …. I would shift from 145 to 147 … then I just stopped worrying about it and started doing something about it. I channeled all my sadness in to exercise . Im sad go work out im bored go work out im happy hey go work out get that good flow !! Your angry you miss him what ever it was I worked out then it became all I could focus on cus I learned to love it so Much . I took on running again I put in the work . Things finally where falling into place . I was getting my self back and this time it was better then ever . Better then ever before . I unlocked this door and its been so beautiful. I one day weighed my self just to see assuming id be 145 I was 137 !!!! Wow !!! A week later I was 135 and today I am 133!!!!! Its so cool and feels so good to not be depressed not feel pretty in my clothes. And iliv Amy self. So much . I hope I start working at hooters soon and continue to have a great life. I finally got approved for unemployment and ally back pay and also and extra 13 weeks after mine runs out. Things are just happening . I wasn’t going to get any hadn’t outs . But I was at the bottom thats for sure and you know who was there ? Not tj not the guy you literally did everything for no not him . My mom and my step dad and my brother . They took me in . And it was hard and uncomfterable , but I just stopped going out stopped drinking as much . And did things for them no matter if they where mad at me or if it was awkward.i committed to being good fo them . And I knew it would take time . But little by little ive managed to accomplish all my goals . When I used to be the queen of quitting. I cant wait to see even more of what god has in store for me. And who I become . My skins cleaning up my body is losing weight I more active im healthy and im very in touch with my desires and my well being . I care and love and respect my self so so much. Its like a huge spiritual awakening. I love being alone . I dont feel like alone deserves me right now to be honest .Its gong to take a lot for me to love again but its okay . Not everyone deserves that form me anyway. I worked so hard to me this . To be who I am right now and I won’t let anyone take that away form me. You cause harm to my heart my well being just by !! If you disappoint me disrespect me or hurt me its done . You lost you dot meet my needs your not benefiting and there’s to many many and women on this planet . Ill never waist my time on the wrong one . Ever again. I respect my self to much to put someone over me! And I stand by that now and forever!!! The new be is bette then ever and its gong to take a hell of a person to change my relationship status . And that cool im honestly not even interested . I dont care to date or hang out or hook up or even have sexual contact with anyone . Im so content with me myself and this beautiful transition im goin through I just want to focus on me and my family and my health. Because this is what its all about. This is what living is. this is life. This is beauty . This is whats important. I feel like im living . And im happy and im only going to get better and better. Thank you god for this life and thank you for giving me the strength to turn the page and start a new chapter on life. I fully trust you and the processs. And that brings me back to “god will never leave you behind” I needed to learn all those things that all may mistakes have taught me . And god has a way of constantly bringing things back Into your life if it has not yet served its purpose or taught you what you needed to learn. I see that now. Positive mind set is very powerful . Loving your self is amazing and living through god is the best thing you can do . I will always you tj and I will always in some way wish there was a me and you forever .but I cant ever betray my self like that again. That door is officially closed. See I thought my life was over when you said our relationship was over. But really it had just begun. Everything happened for a reason exactly how its meant to happen . Losing you meant I could finally find my self. It just lit up the path . God bless <3 no angry im happy and im I accept this and I forgive my self and you . Life is so Beautiful .

Some one very wise once said … -Life is not about how much you hurt its about how much your willing to suffer. ~VP

Im not willing to suffer any longer. Except it feel it and then forgive and move forward.

1 note · View note

timeoutforthee · 5 years

Text

Like it or Not-Chapter 17

Summary: Logan, Patton, Roman, and Virgil are all struggling in their recovery. Their doctors, Thomas Sanders and Emile Picani think they can help each other out.

Aka Group Therapy AU

Trigger Warnings: MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING FOR CHILD ABUSE (skip first session, start at “You good, Logan?”), reference to alcohol, referenced self harm

Read it on AO3!

Taglist: @itsausernamenotafobsong, @sea-blue-child, @iaminmultiplefandoms, @princeanxious, @uwillbeefoundtonight, @zaidiashipper, @arandompasserby, @levyredfox3, @falsett0, @error-i-dunno-what-went-wrong, @scrapbookofsketches, @podcastsandcoffee, @helloisthisusernametaken, @amuthefunperson, @michealawithana, @yamihatarou, @heck-im-lost, @unlikelynightmareconnoisseur, @idkaurl, @bubblycricket, @fnp-alizay, @neonbluetiefling

The first time it happened, Virgil was seven.

He came home from school to see the house was quiet. For a while, he didn’t even notice his father sitting in his armchair, staring at nothing, surrounded by beer cans and bottles. Virgil bit his lip. He didn’t know what they were, not really, but he knew that when his father drank them, he was even worse.

Not that his dad was bad. He couldn’t be. It was just that sometimes his dad got angry. That’s what his mom told him.

Virgil slipped upstairs quietly, peeking into his parents’ room to look for his mom. But she wasn’t there. He furrowed his eyebrows. His house was small, there was no way he could have slipped past her. He shrugged to himself. Maybe she went to the store.

Virgil went to his room without his dad noticing he even came home, which really was for the best.

But as time went by, Virgil’s stomach started to growl, so loud he was almost afraid his dad would hear it all on his own. He finally got up from his desk and made his way back downstairs.

His dad was still in the same armchair, except the pile of cans and bottles had grown larger.

“Dad?” Virgil asked as he came downstairs. “I’m hungry.”

“I am too,” his dad said, taking a swig from the bottle.

“Should…,” Virgil paused. Something was wrong, but he didn’t know what. “Should mom be back soon?”

His dad laughed, which was a weird, slurred sound.

“She won’t be back.”

“What?”

“I said,” and now he’s yelling, “She won’t fucking be back, are you deaf?”

Virgil stumbles back, and his back hits the banister of the staircase. His dad stands up and advances on him.

“S-sorry, dad-”

“‘S-sorry,’ what you can’t even fucking speak now?”

“N-no,” Virgil swallows, “I’m sorry, I can talk fine.” Except it comes out a little too fast, and a little too shaky.

His dad is staring down at him, and Virgil is pressing himself into the banister. But then his dad smiles, and he can breathe again.

Sometimes his dad is mean. Virgil isn’t allowed to call him that, or tell anyone else that, but in his own mind, he knows it’s true. But sometimes his dad takes him into the backyard and throws him the ball, and they laugh. Sometimes he lets Virgil curl up next to him while they’re watching a movie, and he feels safe.

“She’s gone,” his dad says, and he’s smiling but there are big tears falling down his face, and this is a reaction he’s never had and suddenly Virgil feels like he’s failing a test he didn’t know he had.

“Who?”

“Your fucking whore of a mother, that’s who,” his dad all but spits, “She left. She left me, and she left you.”

Virgil doesn’t say anything, half because he doesn’t know what to say and half because everytime he speaks he makes it worse.

His dad sneers down at him.

“You need to respond when your elders are talking to you, you little dipshit.”

“I-I,” Virgil doesn’t know what to say and he kinda feels like he’s drowning, “Why would she do that?”

And his dad is laughing again, but it doesn’t sound like laughter and it’s almost as scary as when he and Virgil’s mom yell at each other.

“I guess because of you,” he says, and the words sting even though Virgil isn’t sure they’re true.

“I-I’m sorry.”

His dad stares at him.

And then Virgil’s head snaps to the side, and his cheek is throbbing. He’s so surprised that his knees buckle and it’s only then that he realized his dad slapped him. He looks up, and his dad doesn’t even look sorry, his face is set and the tears are gone and Virgil needs to run.

He takes off up the stairs, and slams his door shut, holding onto the knob. He’s not allowed to have a lock, so he just puts all his strength into holding the door shut. He knows, deep down, that his dad is stronger and if he wants to get in, he will. Thankfully, his dad seems satisfied and he doesn’t even hear his footsteps coming up the stairs.

There’s a rock in his stomach when he goes to bed that night, and it almost makes him feel full.

“You good, Logan?”

Logan has been spacing out all class and Virgil is worried. He thought everything was good this week, did something-

“Virgil, I can practically see your panic. Breathe. I am fine, simply tired,” As the rest of their class leaves the room, he pulls out a binder and opens to the first page. “I saw Dr. Sanders yesterday, and it was...quite a catch up. We made a crisis plan.”

“A crisis plan?”

“I’m not very fond of the name, it seems a little...extra, but it is a list of things I need to do if I get the urge to skip a meal.”

“Is one of those things to eat?” Virgil asks.

“You would think. But Dr. Sanders explained that everything we came up with had a point in trying to redirect my feelings so the urge would pass naturally.”

Virgil looks down at the binder and has to fight a smile. “Logan. Is it laminated?”

“Of course, it’s important. It can’t get wrinkled. The paper in the back is so I can track the success of each skill.” He goes a bit quieter,

“Heya!” Patton says brightly as he walks in, lunch in hand. Roman is right behind him.

“Hey guys,” Virgil says. Roman narrows his eyes.

“Did we interrupt serious talk time?”

“No, just wrapping up on what happened last week,” Logan says, “And also...Dr. Sanders says I need to reach out if I get an urge to skip again…”

“That’s a good idea,” Patton says, trying to encourage him.

Logan sighs, “I suppose.” Then he reaches into his pocket, pulls out his phone and holds it out to the other three. They pass it around, plugging in numbers and then moving their desks into their makeshift table.

“So the meeting went well?” Patton asks.

“Define ‘good’,” Logan says, “It was...productive. As I was telling Virgil, we made a crisis plan, and while I’m not exactly...good with feelings, we did address them in a satisfying manner.”

“I’d call that good!” Patton says, brightly, before taking a bite of the chicken nugget the school provided. He pointedly does not look at it. Eating is already hard, the last thing he needs is to be reminded of how bad the food looks.

“I suppose,” Logan says, thoughtfully, “You know, I really do appreciate Dr. Sanders. He’s much better than some of my previous therapists.”

“Oh, I’m sure they all try their best,” Patton says, automatically. Then he pauses, “But I’ve been better since I started going to him, too.”

“Hey! Give Dr. Picani some credit!”

“Oh, yeah, him too,” Patton rushes to say, but it’s too late. Roman is ready to monologue.

“I was fortunate enough to be put with Dr. Picani since the first day, and since the first day he’s tried his hardest to brighten a dimming star, and I’d say he’s had at least a bit of success, I’m sure with a little hard work, I’ll be dazzling once more.”

“Hard work?” Virgil asks.

“Well, sure,” Mrs. Spencer speaks up. Virgil jumps. Sometimes he almost forgets she’s back there. She lets them socialize as if they were in the cafeteria, and his back is to her. “Counseling is only beneficial if the counselor knows what they’re helping you with. But you guys seem very dedicated, with the individual therapy and the groups.” And her gaze shifts to Virgil, “But you would know about that, right?”

“Well, sure!” Patton says. Roman and Logan nod as well, and Virgil forces his head up and down. And when they turn back around, Mrs. Spencer frowns because she notices. She notices that Virgil is quieter than the others, that he isn’t as open, and she’s worried that he’s not going to heal like the others because he’s holding himself back. Really, all Dot wants is to take care of her students.

“Alright,” Roman said, walking next to Virgil as they left lunch, “What’s up?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Virgil says, “And where are you going, isn’t your class the other way?”

“It’s choir, I think they’ll be okay if I’m late.”

“Well, I won’t be, so no serious talk, sorry.”

“C’moooooon,” Roman whines, “I saw you shrink, like, two sizes when Mrs. Spencer was talking. And you didn’t talk about Dr. Picani. What’s going on? Do you not like Picani?”

“It’s not that-he’s fine-” Virgil shakes his head, “I can’t get into it, I have to get to class.”

“What class are you even going to?” Roman looks around, “Are you going to gym?”

Virgil keeps his mouth shut.

“Do they even let you participate?”

“...no.”

“Then come on, we can skip.”

“For fuck’s sake Roman, it’s not that big of a deal,” Virgil rolls his eyes, “It’s just...maybe I have not been as honest with Emile as I should be.”

“So? You can fix that.”

“I can. I don’t necessarily want to.”

“You know what Dr. Picani told me once?”

“What?”

“Sometimes, to get the full benefits of recovery, we need to do something, whether we like it or not. I don’t know what you’re not telling him, but I have a feeling maybe you should.”

“Look,” Virgil turns on him, “I’m trying, okay? I’m trying to do the open and honest thing and I’m trying to fully commit but I-just,” he sighs, “What happens if I tell him? What if something goes wrong?”

“Goes wrong?” Roman asks, “I mean, there’s not much he can do. He’s not even allowed to discuss it outside of the session.” he pauses, “Unless you’re like cutting yourself or something.”

Virgil forgets to walk for a second, and Roman’s hand shoots out to steady him.

“Nope, no, definitely not that,” Virgil is rushing out, “Why would you think that?”

“It’s in the contract, your therapist can’t report anything unless you’re a threat to yourself or others,” Roman’s eyes narrow, “Why-?”

The bell rings.

“Oh shit,” Virgil says, “I gotta go, Princey, don’t break any windows with that voice of yours-”

Roman grabs his elbow, not letting him slip away. He pauses, for a second, not quite sure what to say.

“I think you should talk to Dr. Picani,” Roman says, “And you know, it’s okay to talk to us.”

“I know,” Virgil says, but he brushes it off a little too quickly.

“No,” Virgil glances up to look Roman in the eyes, and he’s shocked by how intense he looks, “I mean it. You can talk to us. About anything.”

There’s a bit of silence.

“Got it,” Virgil says, but this time, just maybe, he actually does.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fic #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #like it or not

16 notes · View notes

sportyheroesimagines · 6 years

Note

PLEASE do another lingering touches PLEASEE IM IN LOVE WITH YOUR WRITING AND NEED TO READ MORE IM ADDICTED 💕💕💕💕❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💜💛💛💚💙💙❣️💔🖤

It’s a Christmas miracle! The final part to Lingering Touches! It’s been a wild ride for this unintentional series. I hope you guys like it! (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6)

You know, Midoriya liked to think he’s grown thicker skin over the years when it came to Bakugou. Sure, he’d still shake in his presence, but Bakugou just isn’t able to hurt him anymore. At least, that’s what he thought.

But of course, he found another way to drag Midoriya even lower. You. Of course, he’d find another way to push Midoriya’s face in the muck and taste the mud that was his own inadequacy compared to the ever great and victorious Bakugou. And it tasted bitter, like shit that made his stomach turn and brought a glossiness to his eyes that he couldn’t fight no matter how many times he rubbed them.

He told All Might he’d work on his crying too.

So much for that.

Midoriya looks at his hand. He can still feel your lingering touches on him. He closes his hand into a fist and curls into an even tighter ball. What happened to all the strength he was supposed to have? Why is he so weak? When did he regress so far into his old self?

“Izuku?” his mother’s voice sounds from the other side of the door. It’s soft and gentle and a bit cautious.

“I have dinner ready,” she says, “I brought a tray so you can eat in your room if you want.”

She waits for a response.

“Sorry,” she hears, “I’m … I’m not really hungry.”

Inko sighs after another failed attempt to draw her son from his room. She lowers her head, staring at the steaming katsudon on the tray. She’d been making his favorite for days now so that whenever her son was ready, he’d have his favorite food and his mother by his side to comfort him. Inko shuffles back to the kitchen. She fights the tears in her own eyes. No, she thinks. She can’t be crying now. What if Izuku needs me? She places the tray down and picks up her mug of tea, returning to her spot at the table. The ceramic is warm against the palms of her hands like how Izuku felt when he came crying into her arms a few days ago. He didn’t say anything when he entered. He just stared at her with his big, green eyes overflowing with tears and a look on his face that was begging her to take his pain away. Inko doesn’t even remember what she was doing when she saw her son give her that pained expression. All she remembers is that whatever was in her hands was dropped to the floor and quickly replaced with him as he cried into her breast.

She never heard what happened, but she didn’t pry. The only thing she knew was that her baby was broken. And she tried to hold him together in her arms as best she could.

Inko didn’t see much of her son after that. He wakes up later, grabs his breakfast to go and leaves. When he comes back, he locks himself in his room and doesn’t come out. She has theories and suspicions, though she never wanted to take them as fact. But Inko knows her son well enough to put together your sudden absence and her child’s self- sequestration.

She’s no stranger to young love herself. Inko sips her tea, her mind wandering to you. She wonders how you’re doing. Although she doesn’t condone hurting her baby, she still hopes that you are taking whatever happened between you better

Here’s a hint.

You aren’t.

You pace outside of the Midoriya’s apartment complex shaking your hands. You try to breath, but another wave of nausea hits you. You stop and rest your hands on your thighs as you dry heave. Your heart is pounding like a bass drum and you can’t seem to get enough air into your lungs. A sharp pain shoots down your spine. You double over.

You deserve this, you tell yourself as you try to reclaim your breath. You deserve every second of torture and anxiety because you did this to him. You deserve to feel pain like him. And strangely enough, somewhere inside of you also wanted this discomfort as if it would some way make up for what you did to him.

What did you do to him?

Say it.

Say it aloud.

You know what you did.

You cheated on him. You betrayed him. You hurt him.

Another wave of nausea kicks you like a horse. Bile is pushed up into your mouth and you spit it out bitterly. Good. It should make you sick. You shake your head and look up to his apartment. This is the fifth day that you’ve tried to see him.

The first day, you thought it’d be easier. Just the truth. Nothing else. You walked to his complex, but as soon as you prepared to walk up the steps to his apartment, it hit you like a brick. Anxiety. Panic. Fear. You ran away, but promised to come back the next day. You did and you were proud of yourself. You even got a tiny script together for yourself. But it smacked into you again. That feeling of terror. So you fled. The next day, you told yourself, the next day. You came the next day. You had practiced more. This time, even going as far as to practice your little speech in front of a picture of him. You still ran though. Of course, you did. How could you face him? The fourth day, you didn’t even make it to the steps.

But you’re here today, and today is the day. Today is the day. You take a few more deep breaths, but your legs still shake when you walk up those stairs. You clutch your chest. It feels like your heart might explode.

You’re at the top of the steps before you know it and in front of his door before it fully registers in your brain. Your hands won’t stop trembling. You hear a lock click and you freeze. Your stare at your raised hand. How did you know without realizing it? The door opens. Inko is staring at you with eyes identical to his. You want to run.

“(Name),” she says; you don’t know why you flinch. It feels like you’re being choked.

“Um, is Izuku home?”

“He is. Come in.”

You follow her in. It’s only been five days, but everything in this house that had become so familiar now feels so foreign. You feel unwelcome. Inko is still looking at you; you shift, averting your gaze.

“I don’t know what happened between you. Izuku never said anything, and I won’t make you tell me either. Not if you don’t want to. But, (Name),” Inko says.

You look at her.

“He’s hurting,” she says with a pained look on her face, “I know you came to talk to him just … please … whatever happened, whatever you want to say just be gentle.”

You nod your head. She smiles at you and wipes at the tears that gathered in the corners of her eyes. Then she does something that surprises you. She hugs you.

“I know you’re hurting, too, (Name). You can’t hide it from a mother. It’ll be okay, dear,” she says, pulling away and wiping at the tears falling from your eyes.

Stop, you think. This hurt so much worse than a slap in the face. You wish she had cursed at you and pushed you away, but Inko is always Inko.

“He’s in his room.”

You nod. Every step is like a step closer to your doom. You knock on his door.

“Mom, I said I’m not hungry.”

“It’s me.”

It’s quiet for a moment before you hear the squeak of the door hinges. It only opens slightly. Your breath catches in your throat.

“You can come in.”

You swallow the lump in your throat and walk into his room. He is a head of you, already padding back to his bed. Midoriya sits and looks at you. You can’t meet his gaze so you look around the room like you haven’t been in it a hundred times before. You grimace when your eyes land on the waste basket overflowing with crumpled tissues. You did that. You did that to him. You—

“You can sit if you want,” he says.

“A-Ah, okay,” you nod, wiping your sweating palms at the back of your pants.

You sit in the chair at the desk. You scoot back a bit. He’s watching you quietly. You don’t speak either. The room falls silent. The lack of sound feel suffocating. You can hear your heart pounding too clearly. Does he hear it too? You ball your hands into fist and force yourself to look at him.

Izuku, I’m so sorry. Say it like you practiced.

“Do you hate me?” you ask.

Selfish, the voice in your head barks at you. You are selfish asking something like that. He should hate you.

“How long?” he asks back; he doesn’t need to elaborate for you know what he’s asking. You don’t deserve the answers or a clear conscience. He does.

“N-Not the whole time. Only … only for the last month and a half.”

“Why, (Name)? I was committed to you. You told me it was us,” he starts crying, “Just tell me why? When did everything did everything go so wrong?”

Midoriya keeps staring at you with his glossy eyes. The eyes that you coated with pain. You open your mouth. Your words feel like fire on your tongue, but you have to say it. Running your hands through your hair, you breathe out.

“I … I don’t know,” you say weakly; you’re already crying and you feel pathetic, “Maybe I was searching for something. He kissed me and it just … it felt like something I’ve never had with him and I was weak and I wanted that and—”

“Was I not enough? Did you even … did you even love me?”

“N-No! Izuku, I love you! I just thought … I-I don’t know what I was thinking, b-but I never meant to hurt you, Izuku.”

You move forward in your chair; he slides back a bit. The distance between you hasn’t changed.

“It’s a little too late for that don’t you think?”

“D-Do you hate me?” you ask again.

“I … I don’t think I could ever hate you, (Name) but … you know … you know we’re different now, right?”

You bite your lip and nod your head. Of course … of course, your relationship is different now. Your mouth is dry and your throat is tight, but your eyes are watering. You can’t speak so you just keep biting your lip and nodding your head over and over and over again. You wipe your face. He’s moved closer to you. The distances changes, and you want to ask. But you shouldn’t. This isn’t about you. It’s about him.

“I think,” Midoriya starts, drying his own eyes with his sleeve, “I think I need time, (Name). I’ll be honest, you were my first love.”

You don’t miss his use of the past tense.

“But I don’t think I could ever get rid of the feeling that you give me,” he says, looking at his hand, “But we’re different now.”

“We’re different now,” you parrot back.

Midoriya looks at you with a weak smile that shatters you on the inside, “I just … I just don’t know how to feel right now. I-I think still lo—”

“Don’t say it,” you interrupt him, feeling the tears come back, “You don’t have to say it yet. You need time, right?”

Midoriya looks at you. It’s his turn to nod now. You both stand and look at each other. Both of you are still crying, but both of you know. You move to leave, but he catches your hand in his. It’s warm and safe, and all you want to do is fall into his arms again. But you can’t. It’s not that easy. Even though you had wished and prayed and hoped, both of you know it.You look him in the eyes then you slip from his grasp and leave his room. You quickly bow to Inko and mutter a short thanks. You leave. Day has fallen away, leaving only the night and the stars. The air chills the tear streams on your face, and you wipe them away again. You trek down the stairs and across the parking lot. You look back at the Midoriya apartment again, then you stare at your hand.

You can still feel his lingering touches.

#midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #mha #bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia

173 notes · View notes