#brain problems

[sabakos]

Of course I'm the worst possible case study for "does being on the internet as an extremely underage child fuck you up" and most of my cohort peers probably were too. If you were posting on the internet in the early 00s as a preteen chances are there was already something deeply wrong with you.

#brain problems #“you cant make a facebook it's too dangerous you're only 14. did you know people send horrifying images to kids on the internet!” #thanks dad im aware. im the people

[caesarsaladinn]

”dear professor. I am extremely sorry for ghosting your class and generally disrespecting you and your tenure and any future recommendations I might receive from you. I have no excuse and no intention of defending my grade but I hope that I can at least offer an explanation—1. brain problems, general-category 2. [life and death pet issues which I feel should probably take moral and ethical precedence over recitation of material that you already know] 3. substance, shall we say, issues, 4. my laptop is broken, making it pretty difficult to do readings and write responses 5. and these are not really a reason for my brain problems, but I figure should be included for completeness’s sake—a worsening vision problem which I thought was resolved like a decade and half ago but has been resurfacing for the last couple months, making it almost impossible to see with two eyes at once, insomnia, garden variety gen z depression-anxiety, forgetting to breathe (?!?!) like sleep apnea while awake, etc”

#brain problems #once again. sorry for posting things like this which are neither interesting nor actionable. etc.

[fishthegenderwitch-lurking]

The light covers in our townhouse are boring ASF. Like, look at this nonsense.

They all look like this. All the same, sad round light covers.

That being said, I can't do much about them barring making another, snazzier light cover, so I've been searching for a good crochet lampshade pattern. (I'm looking at covering the one in my own bedroom right now.)

The main problem is that the best ones I'm finding are being shown in a 2 minute YouTube video that's like "CROCHET LAMPSHADE PATTERN!" and you find out they saved bad super pixel-corrupted jpegs to show as a slideshow and no actual pattern. -seethes-

Anyway, I've found a few patterns that I'm going to power my way through til I want to set them on fire (I hope it doesn't get to that point).

Just as an example, THESE are what I'm talking about, because I can't seem to find anything super pretty in a written pattern.

And this next image, like this is awesome, but finding the pattern? Lolno.

If I can find a sweet enough cuff or lacy border pattern, I can sew them together to make a longer piece to hang down from the light cover itself.

LIKE THIS! I know it's a skirt, but it looks awesome! Also unfortunately it's in a language I don't know. Two, actually.

One of those is "image crochet pattern". I do not know this language. Where do you start?? What's the code here?? I have the crochet legend for these, I just need to get into the nitty gritty of where to start, what direction to follow.

I think I'm going to try the first one, and also poke at cobbling together a round doily pattern with other shapes of decorative crochet. Stay tuned, but not too hard; I'm slow at stuff.

#crochet #brain problems #why can I not understand these image patterns? #also the only ones I find are in a Cyrillic language #or an Asian language I can't read nor determine #:( #all the best stringcraft patterns are in other languages #I will learn! #lampshade struggles

[novelcain]

So many spoons were used today 🫠

#autism #neurodivergent #adhd problems #autism problems #brain issues #brain problems #adhd

[variablejabberwocky]

yaknow body it would be really nice if i could catch up on the sleep i've been missing do to your other tantrums without you giving me a goddamn literal migraine about it

#ow ow ow #and of course its the day the gardeners show up in the neighborhood #brain problems #body problems #fucking broken ass jank shit body piloted by a malware ass brain #personal shit

[asexualglimmer]

I got my CPAP yesterday. It is going to be a much bigger life adjustment than any mental work could have prepared me for. Just wearing the mask for a few minutes yesterday - no machine attached - made me burst into tears. It was a long day yesterday, and the prospect of having to suffer to sleep before things get better was so much.

I expect I’ll need to vent a lot over the coming months. I want to be committed to doing this. But that is going to be extremely hard. That’s without all of the other things I have going on in my life - physical therapy, medication management, the Adderall shortage, fighting with my father, improving the scope of upkeeping my house, my full time job.

Sigh. If only I had more support.

#my life the universe and everything #body problems #brain problems

[contentment-of-cats]

Dear Brain, You made me dream there was an earthquake, and I was awake from 1:30 to 4:30 because of you. I even checked the USGS site. I'm not speaking to you. No Love, Me

#brain problems

[chronicallyuniconic]

What is happening in my brain?

Why migraine? Why seizures? Why light & noise sensitive? Why eyes hurt? Why always exhausted? Why always in pain? Why always so sad & fed up? Why body jerk so much? Why sleep so hard? Why waking up just as painful? Why getting worse? Why no easier for brain after this many years? Why do my thoughts disappear as soon as I try to voice them? Why does brain rot? Why is it so painful? Why clothes pinching in those spots? Why leg do a twitchy? Why doesn't it end?

#why #chronic life #chronic pain #chronic illness #chronically ill #Migraine #Seizure #chronic fatigue #brain problems #why am i like this #Will I ever find out

[swamp-spirit]

Ah, the first class with new teachers, meaning waiting after every new class to have The Talk*.

(*the talk is just 'if I look like I'm having a seizure, it's a panic attack, I'm fine, please do not call an ambulance. if I start slurring and collapse/faint, I'm fine, let my lay down for a bit and do not call an ambulance')

#body problems #brain problems #i'm lucky that my grad teachers have been consistently #decent about it #some of my undergrad teachers #were not

[lloke]

I mentioned this before but like after my brother died I read through his journals and stuff and found myself relating to a lot of the stuff he said about Christianity and his anger and frustration with it (but simultaneous fear to abandon it), and like.... a part of me still feels mad that I never tried to talk to him about any of that stuff and missed out on a chance to offer him some kind of support or just bond with him a little over some things we had in common because I was too busy "respecting religion" and "the importance of faith" and how he totally needed it to be happy or whatever and I shouldn't damage his mental health further by infecting him with my dirty atheism -- and then all that shit turned out to be completely useless garbage that didn't help him at all anyway!!

Of course I realize realistically that if I had made any attempt to have this kind of conversation with him he almost certainly would have still killed himself and then I would have had to blame myself for not keeping my distance, so there really wasn't any way to win there. But what's really frustrating is that now I feel like I'm in a very similar position with respect to my OTHER brother (who I will call A).

A also has bad anxiety and OCD that he's been struggling a lot with lately, and a while ago when I was over at my parents' house he had this kinda breakdown but felt better after Mom reassured him with a lot of "God is looking out for you" stuff, because (according to Mom) it's his faith in God that really gets him through everything... and like I'm glad he has something that helps him, but hearing that made me feel kinda awkward/guilty about the discussion/polite debate Dad and I somehow got into subsequently about Biblical source criticism shit. Like once again I feel like I can't express my real views on things because it might threaten the terribly delicate and fragile belief system that my brother absolutely needs to cope with his mental illness and could not possibly live without.

And I feel like Dad also isn't helping this situation at all... like for Christmas he gave A this "Rational Bible" book which like... I haven't read but I can guess the kind of stuff that's probably in it (defense of the Bible's historical accuracy etc). And I know his intention is to help strengthen A's faith, but I feel like this is just such a bad move on Dad's part. Like if A really needs his Christian faith for comfort and to cope with his anxiety and shit, I think the LAST thing you should be telling him is "Your faith in a loving God should definitely hinge on the historical accuracy of the number of chariots King David took to war in 1 Chronicles 18 -- and by the way, there happens to be A LOT of controversy over that very topic, and you should definitely spend a lot of time dwelling on this controversy and reading about all the arguments over it, that'll be sure to ease your anxieties!"

argh

#family #religion #brain problems #suicide cw

[sabakos]

Events are always occuring to me that are charged with deep symbolic meaning, but as a participant in the narrative I am powerless to interpret them.

#brain problems

[caesarsaladinn]

ok I’m sorry to ask this again but on account of the Problems I would really appreciate if you would share any words of encouragement you have. it’s been a shit ass and very lonely day

#selfpityposting #brain problems

[larphis]

Anyone else dealing with passive self-hatred? Like I don’t actually hate myself - in fact I even think that I am pretty kick-ass, if I might say so myself. But for some reason I always manipulate myself into not receiving the happiness that I could receive.

Simple example: There is a fanfiction that made me SO happy because it helped me heal from an open-ending to a show but just when I finished about 80% of it, I dropped it. Not because I didn’t like it. I loved it in fact! I just didn’t want to have the clarity of a new definite ending so instead I abbandoned it, never knowing what will eventually happen.

Same thing with friendships. Those that I love the most are the ones I never reach out to.

It’s like I don’t want to be happy but I do and it pisses me off.

I know it’s probably the abbandonment issues but I am honestly very much over them (conciously) I just can’t seem to get over it SUBconciously. Like my brain won’t catch up to the fact that my actions are bullshit.

God no wonder I used to have such an internal anger at Aziraphale during the whole second season of Good Omens (please don’t hit me, I’ve changed, he’s a sweetheart who made a mistake, I see that now), I am literally him and that’s what pisses me off. We are not bad people but we are certainly flawed people.

#mental health #self image #mental illness #personal #me #aziraphale #Livin like #stede bonnet #they are both lovely and yet part of me hates them because they remind me so much of my own flaws #I love myself #I just struggle with executing that #brain problems #serotonin went to go get cigarettes

[eyestumblin]

me gently patting my own face: come on baby just make the sandwich, we have all the things for it. you'll feel better when you eat. We can literally just go make it right now. please. i'm begging my brain: there's literally no way to progress, i think this is the end for me and I will stare into the internet for several hours as I wait for the reaper to come

#its not that dire i'm ok i'm just feeling crappy and very frustrated with myself #food problems #brain problems #you ever feel like you're being held hostage by yourself

[asexualglimmer]

Having two medical appointments in one week is a recipe for burnout. I have to make up so many hours at work. :( I’m so tired.

#salaried as in ‘sometimes we get free OT from you as a treat’ #my life the universe and everything #body problems #brain problems

[rhube]

My brain, every time I go to write Catherine of Aragon

Catherine of

No, it can't be that. I mean, Catherine of

No, no, Catherine of

OK, fine. I guess I could ship it.

#catherine of aragon #aragorn #brain problems #shipping #lotr