#but *posting* it is just. really shitty right now. and that's how it is. and i dont want to share things when people are dicks about it.

[lostnova-blog]

hello hello *drops snippet of a fic i wrote 2 years ago and runs* (i'm posting more of these soon bc i'm having a writerblock or whatever and have been stuck for MONTHS on a chapter😂🔫)

Steve closed his eyes.

He didn't want to die.

He’d survived, what? Five years. Five years of those monsters and alternate dimensions. He could survive another year. He had to.

So he tried to remember.

He remembered, three years ago, sneaking into the Wheeler’s house. He was going to see Nance. Mike Wheeler saw him. He wasn't meant to be outside because there could be a killer or kidnapper on the loose, yet there he was, about to look for his best friend. Steve and Wheeler weren't close at the time; Steve was actually pretty sure Wheeler hated him, and Steve didn't have a liking for Wheeler. Yet, Wheeler ignored him and left. So Steve kept climbing. He knocked on Nance’s window. He remembered Nance not being exactly happy about seeing him there, but he wanted to help Nance study. He also wanted to have sex.

He focused on another memory for the best. He found it interesting he could remember the time he was drugged by Russian doctors with Robin. He remembered being dragged to the movies by Henderson. Back to the Future was on. He’d been wanting to watch that movie for a while, and so had Robin. They didn't have any tickets, so they had to pick some seats that just so happened to be empty, and those seats were the worst. Robin kept complaining about it and the guy behind them kept shushing her.

He remembered the day Henderson visited him at Scoops Ahoy after returning from camp. Steve thought it was quite ridiculous that his best friend was a kid he bonded with trying to save Hawkins. Regardless, he loved that kid. He remembered Henderson being happy that he got the job, and them doing their handshake. Robin did not look impressed by how many kids her coworker was friends with.

And he remembered Eddie. Eddie the Freak. Eddie who had been accused of murder and Steve found himself forced to help. They never really talked in school. Not upfront. And even though Eddie was just how Steve remembered him, except his hair was longer, Steve was the one who truly changed. In the Upside Down, there had been one particular moment; after he’d nearly been eaten by bats, Steve wanted to thank Eddie for saving him, but Eddie insisted Steve had saved his own ass. He said that what Steve had done was very metal, he even mentioned someone called Ozzy Osbourne. Steve had no idea who he was, but later he had bought one of his tapes. It wasn't really his type of music, but he listened to him anyway for some reason he couldn't really explain. Eddie also told him that Henderson talked about how Steve was a badass. Eddie confessed that he was jealous, that he didn't understand how a guy like Steve could actually be a “good dude” while he was a coward. He started talking about how he always ran. How he was no hero. Steve was grateful for that because running away had saved Eddie’s life. So Steve told Eddie not to be so hard on himself. Eddie brushed off whatever Steve had said and confessed the only reason he was there was because Nance and Robin had jumped after him with no hesitation, and he didn't want to be the one who stayed behind. Eddie started talking about how Nance had wasted no time jumping after Steve, and that, in his cynical point of view, that was an act of true love. But Steve didn't care about that. Yes, he cared about Nance, obviously, but he didn't think what she had done was about love. I mean, Robin had jumped in, too. Besides, Nance had Jonathan. What Steve was paying attention to was Eddie’s lips. Eddie’s dry, chipped lips. He suddenly had an urge to kiss him. To just kiss him and get him to shut up about Nance. But he pushed those thoughts away. He shouldn't be thinking those things. He couldn't.

But right now, Eddie was playing his shitty acoustic guitar to save him. Eddie was playing for him. So who cared about what Steve should and shouldn't be thinking.

Read the full thing:

#steve harrington #eddie munson #nancy wheeler #mike wheeler #dustin henderson #robin buckley #jonathan byers #steddie #ao3 writer #ao3 fanfic #fanfic #steddie fanfic #vecna #stranger things #stranger things s5 #gay #mlm #bisexual #bisexual steve harrington #this is so sappy i'm sorry #i just want to self-promo x #i think that's it #stranger things fic #steve harrington fic #steddie fic

[kirstielol]

.

#this is going to be really vague for now bc i dont wanna post it publicly #but something really shitty happened tuesday #and shits been super depressing and stressful since then.. and probably will continue to be for who knows how long #im having trouble eating and have no desire to do anything really #bf and i.. and the animals.. are all okay.. and we'll be okay.. shit just sucks right now #so idk how much posting ill be doing on here #so much for that meme i reblogged about how this summer's going to be great

[gayvampyr]

`

#asks are off for now just until i can catch a break #i might need to institute a blog policy #about asking for help boosting donation posts #normally i don’t mind but im just getting such a large influx in messages like its 90% of the asks i receive #its overwhelming #like i just don’t think im in a good enough space right now to be constantly getting messages about how shitty everyone;s situation is rn #im barely making ends meet myself and the art business is not exactly booming. im going to lose my insurance in january and i dont qualify #for ssi so i just really can;t handle al the extra reminders atm #and not to pull the ‘’emotional labor’’ card but yeah i don’t have any extra energy to lend to strangers online. im sorry it sucks. genuinel #i know how you feel. we’re all in the shitstorm so it feels especially bad not being able to help #but please can you find someone else on this site who is not drowning to throw you a life raft

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[arolesbianism]

Thinks oh so hard abt the spiraling upwards clan founders, especially the birchclan founders. Silly lil kitties who's pasts are drenched in blood with the primary regret of not drawing it sooner

#rat rambles #oc posting #warriors posting #spiraling upwards #long story short they had a shitty awful terrible leader who sucked absolutely ass and they tore him to shreds #I mean that literally they pinned him onto the mountain side and slashed and mauled the shit out of him so hard that his lives evaporated #and several of the cats involved in that scene are sill alive and major parts of the story and I love them #oh also the cat that pinned him through a stab through the throat was his own daughter btw everyone hated his ass so much #and for good reason get his ass #alas in the main story I dont rly get to go too deep into how he harmed everyone involved mostly just three main ones #aka bristlestar because shes murtlepaw's ghost mom dawncrackle because hes also haunting murtle and gullspot because shes bristle's kit #so basically all the flashbacks we get involve those three in some form or another #honeystar was also there and involved but Im not currently planning on having her rly talk abt that #most of her more modern angst is the fact that she was forced into leadership against her will #and shes been alive long enough that shes been leading birchclan far longer than she ever lived in her old clan #but she did go through a lot of shit before birchclan was founded and it definitely shaped her a lot #she used to be a very determined and high spirited lil kitty cat who tried to be optimistic #but her family began to slowly be picked off one by one by both the old leader and the one whod later get evicerated #some of the older cats around her hoped it make her back down from her revelutionary ideas but she noticed that and it backfired on them #instead of being worn down to submission she became absolutely Furious and began to lash out more and become more demanding #it got to the point that she really only had two friends in the entire clan and one of them was her aunt whod later also die after coming #out abt having witnessed the leader killing his own kits #that was the final fucking straw for her and she was fully on board when bristle and dawn started looking for cats to join their rebellion #she did get rly frustrated with them as they waited patiently for the right moment but her remaining bestie kept her from going apeshit #so once the big fight finally broke out she was more than eager to join the hoard of cats chasing the bastard upwards #now unlike some of the other cats involved this legitimately actually made her feel a lot better for a while #for the first time in ages she finally felt like she could be optimistic abt smth again and was excited abt the idea of leaving this place #she had lost so much in this damn place since she was an apprentice and just wanted to finally be able to rest easy #but once they got to their new territory and set up camp things went south real fast as a flood fucked everything up #and after losing the only cat she had left in her life and losing her tail and being made deputy on top of that she deteriorated quickly

[curiouselleth]

.

#second half of the semester just started and I'm immediately falling behind and the play is starting to really kick off and theres so much #theres just so much it's starting to feel like I'm drowning in it a little all its too much #I have so much “free time” but I either am forgetting things I need to do or hyperfixating on something just a little too much to pull away #my campus is changing whether I like it or not #my 3D design prof's policies are starting to get to me #(required attendance or you loose points I got a point off my perfect attendance for being 5 minutes late for bad roads #and policies for late work and shitty feedback so I dont know how to get my grade up more) #all of my grades are good for now but #things are piling up #I should be able to do all this no problem #but I'm falling behind on classwork and homework #I'm doing chores so late and days after I shouldve if at all #I don't know why but everything is just starting to go off track all at once #it's not bad right now #but #I'm about to loose my weekends for the next month to the show #everything going on is things I'm enjoying #my classes the show streams and D&D #so it should be okay #but it's not and I'm starting to struggle and i don't know why #I'm getting overwhelmed and I'm more tired and I'm zoning out too much #I just... I don't know #maybe I'm just tired... #vent post #personal vent #vent #to delete #will probably delete this later... #personal post #I need more floortime

[the-kneesbees]

.

#i just want this whole thing to be over #i know its mean to push him away like this #but the way our relationship was going. i was just so uncomfortable with the whole thing #i feel so awful because i know im the only person he really has to talk to #but i cant be that for him #its too much #it isnt fair to either of us if things stay they way they were #i still want to be friends but. not in the way he wants. i really cant be that close with someone ive only known a few months #it just doesnt work that way for me #i feel so awful for doing this but theres nothing i can do that would make anything any vetter #i really cant describe how uncomfortable the whole situation made me feel. #it sounds horrible and a bit ridiculous but being that close with him made me feel so shitty. #i hate this it really sucks. #vent #sorry ive been posting so much about this its just. a whole thing right now. #ill delete this later but right now im gonna go watch a movie and probably cry

[elisedonut]

Me posting every silly little Percy thought that pops in my head because I know in three years I'll come back and look at them like this:

I've been into fandom stuff for a long time but a few years ago decided to be more active in fandoms I like and even now looking at those old posts and accounts makes my very happy like I still have posts on fb from when I was like 14 talking about vocaloid and its just what i imagine reading a diary is like when you were actually happy with your life it's a nice feeling and I recommend everyone to do it

#percy weasley #like looking at posts about my actual life at the time? ew gross hate that no #but fandom posts??? awww how sweet #like i have nothing from my knd days(my very first fandom at like 11) because i was in my “lets delete things when i get bored” era #granted the only thing i ever did in that fandom was make bad “amvs” (read slideshows) and post them on youtube #now i do still have some from the fandom right after that one when i got really really into shipping sp characters for like a year because #at some point i uploaded them to facebook for some reason #so i have three(3) shitty south part slideshow amvs just hiding in my videos from 2011 because i don't really want to delete them #because like that's my history and it's all i got left #anyway don't delete things kids #no matter how cringe you think it is one day you will look back like kfjshdkofljads about it

[helennorvilles]

have filled six and a half pages of an a5 notebook for job interview potential questions and ideas for answers so far and my hand hurtsssss and the nerves are reallllllll

#it's like i am shitting myself but in a way that it's like. i'm not shitting enough? #i think this is the stress level that normal people get but it's like. that's weird for me. a stressed person. #maybe i've hit my limit. i have so much to do i can't care enough about getting this job lol #idk. it's like i have prepared SO little up until now that i really am just putting faith in my own ability #and that's it's own type of scary but also freeing?? like i haven't had a chance to put the right effort in so i can only be me? #and if i flunk it then i will be better next time considering this can literally just be practice #god. i mean w/ less than 24 hours notice when i still have to teach that's rough right? i hope they're chill about it #and bc i am LITERALLY right now at that school doing the job they'd be hiring me for that they like. forgive nerves and shittiness #and give me the job anyway?? fingers fucking crossed eh #god i hope they're easy questions. as i understand it i'll get the questions a bit before to prepare? which is like. both good and bad. #that's more pressure. oh man. okay so this tag ramble has gone too long and i am cutting myself off to sleep. #or at least to somehow find interview appropriate clothing in my wardrobe bc idk how to look presentable anymore 🫠 #my post tag

[nicnacsnonsense]

Y’all are so mean to Stede, I swear to god.

#he’s not appreciably more selfish than anyone else on the show #he is not a chronic leaver #honestly Ed has a slightly bigger problem with being both self-centered and a leaver than Stede does #he and Mary both tried in their marriage but they had a mutual communication problem that lead to mutual hurt #he does not have some overbearing need for power and control #he isn’t refusing to share how he feels he’s just waiting for someone to ask #he’s not passive aggressive if for no other reason than he’s really fucking bad at it #(he is bitchy though) #constantly I am subjected to posts where people say the meanest things about Stede #insisting they love him when it’s like girl you won’t even give him the benefit of the doubt #and it’s like oh curate your experience #i am *trying* Bethany but there are a few big names who have these shitty opinions on Stede and now everyone accepts them as gospel #you can only curate so much before you curate yourself right out of the fandom #ofmd #stede bonnet

[rosesradio]

.

#i’m kind of really heartbroken right now #so i had tickets to the hot freaks concert and went tonight—which i don’t mind posting on here because i live several hours away #so basically i drove to the venue for several hours and stopped like once for food #it was my understanding that windsor was opening and then the hot freaks and then the happy fits i guess but i didn’t know the exact times #we were running a bit late bc of the road trip and walked in at 7:25 (the show started at 7) and i got to see the tail end of ‘boyfriend’ #& i was like ‘oh okay i just missed their first song’ but then they walked off stage and my heart dropped. i missed everything #and yeah it’s on me because i must have had a misunderstanding about how the show worked #i’d never even heard of a show where an act performs for 20-25 minutes unless it’s like a variety show or something #i did cry about it already and just tried to have a good rest of the night since we’d already driven for hours #i got to meet the band at the merch table which was really cool and they gave me a free signed CD & sticker & friendship bracelet because— #they felt bad for me. which was very sweet (i also bought a shirt) #i know i should be grateful i was even able to go to the concert. and i still had fun but part of me will always be heartbroken #because financially/geographically it’s not smart to go to another show even further away just to see a 25 minute set when i’ve already got #the merch & all. plus i can listen to them on Spotify #i can only hope they come to a location closer to where i live #but there’s no guarantee because they’re so underground. they only resurfaced because of stupid tiktok & they’re only popular enough to be— #half of an opening act. so they could potentially never go on tour again #if i had more of a platform i would boost their music more but i don’t #i know it’ll be okay. it’s just a lot of things have been going shitty lately and i thought this would make me feel better and it just— #went to shit #tw vent #rose.txt

[daydadahlias]

Hi! Just wondering if you have any 5sos fics in the works. If so, can you give us a preview?

hi!! no, im sorry, but i unfortunately just dont really feel comfortable sharing my work w/ this fandom rn <3

#ok so. giving u the benefit of the doubt that ur just not up to date so #i'll do a lil run down of where im at with this fandom rn ~ if u want to know ~ #1) i have now had multiple people steal my work and my ideas and give no credit whatsoever #2) the entitlement of readers is insane right now. and makes posting fics incredibly disheartening #3) i just recently felt comfortable reuploading most of my works (not even all of them) #and i still do not feel safe enough to reupload all my work that was originally up because of how people treat it #4) when i DO post - and i know this is a feeling MANY writers feel right now - nobody really even interacts with me like im a human person. #and they consume my content like it's disposable. or they just go right out and steal it. #that's not exactly an incentive to want to share stuff i work hard on with an audience that's just going to treat me like im dogshit #so at this point in time. i just dont really have any plans to post new work. #i love writing for this fandom. i will keep writing for this fandom. #but *posting* it is just. really shitty right now. and that's how it is. and i dont want to share things when people are dicks about it. #and so i dont know when or if i will post again #and that's ~my bit for the day~ #pigeon #anon

[kyluxtrashpit]

So tumblr’s killing post types (meaning artists and edit makers are screwed and gifsets will be a thing of the past as images look absolutely dogshit in the mobile editor), twitter is very much the nazi bar now (whether we admit it or not), any discord server with enough people in it to be regularly active turns toxic (not to mention discord is inherently a gated community anyway and fandom suffers for it), and every other site is either unsafe via lack of preparedness or just full-on predatory

Maybe this is just the heat and other things depression talking but I feel like fun internet things like fandom will just not exist in 5 years at this rate

#there’s just. nothing else #I guess pillowfort exists but it’s paywalled and has like 10 users so #the thought of not being able to have fun online #cause I don’t go anywhere or see anyone irl #is just. kinda devastating me right now like #despite the shitty parts fandom is like. my main hobby. it’s what I do #and overall it’s changed my life for the positive #but I don’t see how it can keep existing at this rate #how long before I watch a show and like it and have absolutely no one to talk to about it #nowhere to post my thoughts or see amazing art or any of it #we still have ao3 thank fuck but that’s not a social site and it simply can’t be nor should it ever be #but I just feel like fandom as a whole is on its death bed right now #and that scares the shit out of me #fandom is so important to me and I really feel like I’m watching it die in real time right now #text #misc #shut up nerd

[lebrookestore]

feelings are so complex

#its funny in a way yk #because like on one end of the spectrum theres this person that was supposed to be my best frien #but she ended up manipulating me and doing some really shitty things and will be all nice to my face but talk shit behind my back #and honestly she can be a terrible horrible person and has hurt another close friend of mine really badly #and i want to hate her so badly #and i think part of me does hate her because being around her now just drains me of my energy and i suck at being fake about people #but at the same time i loved her at one point bc she was my best friend and i cant just let that go?? #and she's going through a lot so i just feel sad for her #so like i cant hate her if im sympathetic and its just weird idk man #i want to hate her but i cant #like i feel awful ab the shit she's going thru but that doesnt excuse the crappy human being she's being but i feel like a bad person #holding her accountable for that bc of how much she's going thru and like why why WHY is it like this why is it not in black n white #then on the other end of the spectrum there are feelings that like im kind of terrified off but like #i underestimated just how easily those type of feelings can blossom #is this me talking about the L word? yes. 🧍🏻‍♀️ #i thought that falling in love per se would be like. way more work way more time etc etc #but apparently not? its oddly simply? but at the same time admitting it is like oh okay what #and therefore its like u gotta take time to figure yourself and it out and then like #like you dont really realize it until you're standing in the midst of it #man i dont even know what this post is lmfao 😭 i quite frankly dont even know what im saying right now i am just putting my thoughts out #into the abyss because i gotta put it somewhere #goodbye and goodnight now #brooke rambles

[sluttyten]

I should definitely be listening to like horny music since I'm trying to write a gangbang write now lol but instead I've been listening to like sad music all day

#made a playlist this morning with all of the sad 1d 5sos ed sheeran little mix sad sounding songs #and i've added some shawn mendes and a few other artist's sad songs on there now too #like lmao no wonder i'm making one the members in this a kinda gloomy character #i'll probably go back and change that maybe depending on how the rest of this goes #but right now i have to put a pause on writing unfortunately and go over to family dinner at my grandparents #and this sounds awful but i really hope my one cousin isn't there because he's got... issues and i just feel like it's gonna be awkward #to see him since i know he knows that i told his mother what he did a few weeks ago which was a tiny part of a bigger problem #but like i know he's been staying at my grandparents for a few days so like.... i don't know he's probably over there right now #that little branch of the family is going through some big stuff right now (bc of the cousin) so this should be fun #this is my rant post for the day #i might answer messages while i'm over there thou #though not thou oh my god #but i've been seeing messages y'all have sent in i'm just shitty about answering them #but i promise i plan to! I'm just busy trying to write lol

[niuxita21]

To your new life in Tijuana. Ana, thank you so much. Don’t ever think you can’t do it. You’re ready for anything. Now I do feel ready, and I’m really looking forward to starting this new stage in my life, being independent... You and Regina are gonna be just fine. Come here. And thank you, for letting me go.

#madre solo hay dos #ana servín #mariana herrera #shitty screencap posts (TM) #the way I rewatched this a couple of times to make this post and ended up fucking WEEPING wtf I must be pmsing #but like said... I'm really sad bro idk #this scene really hit the right note though #the general softness between them all throughout but especially after they hug #I'm obsessed with the shot in the eighth one and the way they don't completely break contact and mariana's little smile #the 'thank you for letting me go' which absolutely DESTROYS ME bruh I can't get over it #because she so obviously doesn't mean it literally as in like 'thank you for giving me permission to go' #she is out there acknowledging that this is hard for ana for the reasons we all know about now #and appreciating the effort she's making nonetheless #and the fact that ana doesn't even reply she just awkwardly nods like 'let's not talk about that' #also how as mariana gets up to leave you can see that it takes them a really long time to completely stop touching #as if subconsciously trying to prolong the contact as much as possible #and THEN #that last shot of ana very obviously in tears UGH :(((( #I love how you can see her fighting back tears all throughout the scene #but it is only when mariana has her back turned that she seems to stop trying to hide it #it's a really sad note to end the penultimate episode in but at the same time it's like... TEXTBOOK angsty telenovela shit #I mean one half of the otp has decided to move away for an amazing job opportunity and the other half is heartbroken but has to let them go? #and we have a whole episode to see how it all shakes out? #you know it's the good stuff when even friends used this narrative device lol #as much as it hurts I appreciate the show piling up the angsty otp tropes on an f/f pairing like it's the most normal thing #I mean obviously this will all hinge on the resolution in the next ep but having read the episode description I'm... cautiously optimistic? #I mean if the ending was gonna be 'mariana lives happily ever after with regina in tijuana' then this would have been the last ep #we wouldn't have a whole ass episode to... watch mariana move to tijuana? #who knows but bottom line I'm rly sad so I hope the final episode fixes the giant hole that's starting to form in my heart :(