#but also i myself start seeing them a little differently when they're detached from the book

[chernychnyi]

rp sketches again

#the goldfinch #tgf #boreo #theodore decker #boris pavlikovsky #art tag #donna tartt #for my long-lasting roleplays i have different designs with different headcanons in mind #influenced by how people i play with view them #but also i myself start seeing them a little differently when they're detached from the book

[bettycanavosio]

hope you were serious about that "i'd read a novel if you sent one" comment cause i've got more on henry realizing his priorities and getting frustrated with his career choices. i always figured he probably wouldn't want to be a capo even if he had the chance, because he seems to hate like...managerial shit and planning and being responsible for other people. he comes off as super disinterested when he's giving orders ("they should be there somewhere, ask her yourself, that's your problem"), he leaves joe to explain the plan in ch4, he wants the jobs done quietly (presumably so there won't be outside consequences), and i don't think he'd be suited for the pressure of having other people answer to him/being responsible for their safety; on the other hand he seems way more excited about the hit in ch5 when he's a part of it and he's planned it all out–he strikes me as a very "give me a target and a gun and i'll figure out the rest" type, not at all as a leader. in fact, the level of detailed with which the job in ch12 is planned seems very out of character compared to earlier in game, so clearly something's changed.

then he has that whole "you can spend the next thirty years breaking your ass for eddie and carlo before you either wind up dead or back in the can" thing. he spent twenty years working for empire bay's premiere shitbag only for it to all go up in smoke and leave him completely out of work and afraid for his life–all that loyal soldier shit for nothing, and now carlo's trying to start a war and henry's probably afraid of it being "same shit, different family." he's tired of working for people who don't give a shit about him (something i think he especially realizes with the knowledge that vito and joe do care about him) and not having anything to fall back on.

so i don't think the drug thing is just about cash; it's about freedom and a sense of security, and tbh reminds me a little of sammy robinson in m3 saying the money from the heist will help them get out from under sal's thumb. henry doesn't want to rise through the ranks, he just wants to quit being a pawn, and since he's way too jaded to consider going legit, he decides to go rogue instead. hell, the fact he says "let's just get through today" when joe mentions the idea of it becoming a regular thing makes me think he's maybe just trying to prove to himself that he can do it, that he's not completely beholden to carlo. he's just as tired as vito is, the difference is in the way he deals with it (especially because he can't see himself as anything but a gangster, a conclusion vito evidently comes to as well later on). and he wants vito and joe to come with him, because they're probably the only people in years who've actually cared about him, and the only thing he knows how to do in return ("after today, none of that [his past fuckups] matters") is to bring them in on the job so they won't get fucked over the same way he has for 20 years. he's trying to take care of them the only way he knows how.

god this is just where i argue with myself and go off topic for a solid five paragraphs i’m so sorry in advance

i genuinely got excited at that intro lmao i was so serious!!!! i think freedom is a massive part of it, but i also don’t believe he’s completely detached from the idea that money = success = happiness since that’s a difficult thing to break out of if it’s all you’ve ever known. i also think he just hates being alone, even if he’s characterised as this reserved calm collected wise guy who only cares about himself. that’s just how vito presents him to us. he didn’t have to bring vito and joe in on the deal, but he did. as a result, what he really wants and what he’s been taught to want get in the way of his main desire—freedom—which leads to the inevitable tragedy we got.

i like to think he was offered the opportunity of being a capo at some point and probably rejected it—he didn’t seem hungry for power, but maybe purpose. he’s only ever been thrown about: go to america, work for a family friend, you have to, you don’t have a choice, you were made for this. so he does. then when it’s all over with clemente, it’s like he’s been in a cage all this time and he’s only just been given a key to the door. does he leave? it’s all he’s ever wanted, but will it all go to shit if he does? is it safer to stay in the cage?

a funny (not so funny) thing to think about is how his pride quite literally killed him. well. depending how you look at it. he probably could’ve disappeared to another state and restarted his life like lincoln in that one ending if he wanted, but he’s too fixed on the idea that the life is the only thing for him—he stayed in the cage and starved in it. or got cleaved to death or whatever but that makes the metaphor sound like shit. sorry. anyway! i mean, joining a family and betraying them immediately? not that i blame him—as you say, same shit, different family—but jesus he had some balls to do it. i guess he wouldn’t consider going legit anyway. why would he? he doesn’t want to be good the way tommy does, the way tommy knows—he just wants liberty. it’s also strange how he says the whole thirty years speech as if he won’t wind up dead or in the can dealing drugs with his two inexperienced (in comparison) friends. i guess that’s more confirmation than any that it’s about freedom and his friends more than any of the other factors.

it’s interesting to me how he doesn’t have this thirst for power like most of them do (joe saying being a capo was “everything he’d ever wanted” surprised me to some degree. sort of didn’t. but that’s another story), especially as it would give him purpose. maybe he doesn’t like taking responsibility for other people because of something that happened in the past… maybe something to do with betty….. idk i’m just speculating (and going off topic)!!!! but now he’s found his purpose, and it’s to be loyal to the people who won’t use him, the only genuine people he’s known in decades. like you said, working for clemente was like carrying a bomb until all that loyalty blew up in his face.

the last part of what you said is so real and insane because if it is the only way he knows how, it also means he doesn’t know if it’s actually helping vito and joe at all. (insert dead bird in the cat’s mouth thing…) and like, of course he wouldn’t. i think he probably grew to recognise his father sending him away as some great honour rather than the death sentence it became. not that his other options were much better, but you know what i mean. in the end, the deal makes everything a million times worse, which makes the whole thing more tragic: henry never intended for things to go south for everyone else like he’s accused of, but instead acted out of kindness. (the whole “henry is a rat” bullshit really pisses me off because it’s totally illogical but again. that’s another story!!!!) it’s even more ironic because in wanting to grant them freedom, he only trapped them in the life forever. (joe working for leo, vito in new bordeaux… christ.) he can’t even defend himself in death. not that he’d ever admit it to their faces, but you know. at least he’d have a chance at trying. then again, i wouldn’t blame vito and joe for growing to hate henry as years went on—what did he do for them, really? he knew they were being scammed by clemente, he got vito a 10 year sentence, all their jobs went to shit. the only good thing henry did was try to be a friend. he just tried and tried and tried. to be honest, i think that’s enough for them. we’ve seen how forgiving they are, but idk. sometimes i wonder.

#this was. not coherent #in my defence i’m half asleep #ht #a* #harry

[zemiraxo]

Hard Life

My past will always haunt me..no matter how hard I try to forget it and move on. I am starting this blog as even though I've told a few people about it, I can't seem to shake the feeling or feel at ease, so I need to get it off my chest and I find this to be the best solution right now. Here's my story; Growing up life was always hard and a challenge for me. Yeah I may not be the perfect student..the perfect daughter..the perfect sister..the perfect friend, but I am not perfect. I will always remember waiting for hours after school or just on a normal day, for my mother to finish work. Playing by myself in the dine was always how I'd find comfort..growing up with a single mother is not easy, but it isn't an excuse. I will always remember in Primary School how I was bullied since First Year..I was only 5 years old at that time, my bully turned the whole class against me, I was always alone....yet they'd still come to me if it's only beneficial to them. I was okay with it, but now I realize, it wasn't okay at all. I will always remember having "friends" in those 7 years of hell...they made me lose all hope, every single friendship only lasted about a year or two..and then I found out they weren't my friends to begin with. It had gotten so bad that in, 2019, when we entered Standard 4, there was a class mixup, and my bully was placed in the other class, I was finally free........or so I thought. However, the year before, 2018...I will always remember that September, around the 27th-29th when I was thinking of going home from hanging out with my best friend since childhood, my sister, the only true friend I've ever had..I was about to commit suicide. I couldn't take the immense bullying again. It was unbearable, I couldn't even bring myself to tell anyone..but thankfully, she introduced me to BTS, and I will always be grateful to the 7 wonderful members, my angels, my saviours, through their music, they made me realize that there was more to life than meets the eye. I felt safe listening to them and watching their content. I finally felt free from the world. Boy was I wrong, in Standard 5, I was about 11 years old...my mother had gotten mad at me for something I can't remember, almost broke a home phone, grabbed me by my hair and flung me straight into a wall, I hit my back hard, I will always remember that impact, my back was in so much pain, and it still is...almost 4 years later. I also remember when I was about 6 and 9 or a little older, we lived in 2 different apartments in 2 different areas, throughout the years and from a small mistake, for about 30 minutes to an hour or more, my mom kicked me outside the house, I was standing there bawling my eyes out and she was just staring into my soul. She never once apologized. Then having the audacity to lie to me about my best friend, saying she pushed me down 4 flights of stairs making me get dental surgery when I was 2 years old turning 3 years old, I asked her about it recently and she said her mother said when we were racing and running up the stairs to see who's the fastest and who could reach up first, I ended up tripping and falling down...I remember now, and I remember waking up in the hospital....and she also lied to me about my Godparents, saying they're not my Godparents when they are, it's on the certificate!! I'd rather believe written proof than words. And these people are Muslims, my mom and I are Christians. My best friend said my mother hates her parents, and I see it too. It's obvious. My mother is also treating my older brother like he isn't really a part of the family because of how he distanced himself, he never grew up with her. My Godsister said she has detachment issues, but I don't think so. She threatens me to throw my devices off the balcony of our apartment, and even throw me off, that's a death threat. She told my form teacher I don't study, I do, but not in front of her as she's never home, I'm always alone. She also gets mad at me for the smallest things, she even hit me last night. Check my next post to know what else!

#family #family problems #life lessons #teenagers

[areallybadwriter]

8/7

I made it to the city. A little above what I wanted to pay for rent, I moved in to a nice second story apartment with a lot of natural lighting and two really good friends. It is the first time I've lived with either of them, but so far the roommate dynamic is good. I think we are all more on the communicative side, but also laid back and self-responsible enough where nothing big should arise as an issue. We've had a couple problems since moving in, including a incessant leak coming from our bathroom ceiling that has yet to be fixed by the countless maintenance people and a few windows that don't seem to be properly attached to their respective areas. We also have two cats (one belonging to each of my roommates) that were not properly discussed on the lease - in fact, not allowed - but one is a certified ESA and the other "doesn't exist". Our landlord is quite upset about it but what are you gonna do? They're not my cats anyways. Other than the issues, the move has been quite successful. I am wholeheartedly broke at the moment and job searching. I have a second interview lined up for a very, very serious barista job tomorrow and I really hope I get it so I can get back to working & making money. It has been a real struggle to not work because there's not much else to fill up my time during the days. A little break was nice, sure, but I'm ready to get back into it. I sold clothes at Buffalo Exchange today, including a couple very nice bags that hurt to let go of, if that tells you how broke I am. Other than that, it's been fun. We've been out to a couple bars in the area now and our little group just caught a show at a concert hall that cost me $5 a ticket. We've had some good food and I'm excited to become a regular at the cuban place I live close to. Walking everywhere has been great too which was something that happened irregularly in the last city I lived in because it was heavily car dependent. Now, I'm walking an average of like 13,000 steps a day which feels really good (except I have a killer blister from my docs at the moment).

Moving has brought on a new era of loneliness for me admittedly and I'm trying to deal with it fast or else I know I'll sink into a bout of sadness. I've left some of my best friends behind (one refuses to move to the city until they find a job which I can't blame them for) and most of my regular bootycalls, as well as my parents. All the important ones. What's really hard is that both of my roommates, as well as the rest of the friend group that migrated, have significant others already. It hasn't been too much of an issue, but when they want to detach themselves from the larger group to do a date night or something, it sucks because I haven't found other friends to hang out with. I've matched with a lot of people on tinder (people that I could actually see myself meeting up with because why not) but it's a little different to have people you can depend on. And I hate meeting boys! Always so nerve-racking when it doesn't need to be and usually not worth my time anyways. Don't really know what I'm looking for either.

With my loneliness, I've been coming to another very adult realization/observation about a lot of my relationships with men. Specifically men who are friends and who I've slept with in the past as a casual/one-nighter thing. I have two guy friends (both living in the city, too) who almost use me as a stand-in, pseudo girlfriend while they search for a real one. And of course I've had part in it by not setting my boundaries very well and everything but it feels so shitty. It's hard to write about without giving the full details but I just feel like I am always there for them in this caregiving role, like I'm the girlfriend or mom without any of the reward. I provide them with things (nothing physical) that might transcend a normal boy/girl relationship and it has started to wear on my more as I'm single and maybe putting myself out there for a bigger relationship. One of them has recently gotten a girlfriend, and as I've now drawn the line in the sand and kind of pulled back from the friendship, he assumes that I'm unfairly upset with him. And I'm not particularly upset with him at all really, it's just that I think putting so much effort into a relationship with a man (where it has been romantic in the past) while they have a partner is crazy. I treaded onto too many relationships in high school because I was the close "girl best friend" of guys who were actually just kind of assholes. I think especially when it affects me emotionally, it's a dynamic that is just plain wrong and not something that I should invest so much time or effort in. I've also found with this particular guy that once he has no use for me/no longer finds me attractive/can't flirt with me constantly, he just becomes mean and uncaring, which is something that shouldn't happen if we were really just good friends. It makes me think of that study or quote that says that men usually aren't friends with girls they're not attracted to. The other problem child is way less comparable to the first, as it's a completely different set of situations but it still confuses the hell out of me. Me & I slept together awhile ago when we were both plastered and I always had a huge crush on him (before and after hooking up). He was the first to move to the city and we kept in contact the whole time and would see each other occasionally. The last couple of times I've seen him, it's been a touch and grab fest whether sober or not. We're very close and we always at least sleep in the same room or same bed whenever a sleepover is involved. There's always some excuse to be right next to each other or cuddling or whatever. For my birthday, I was in the city with some friends and he was there for most of it. He took us to a club and bought me bottle service and cuddled me in the morning. Now that I'm here in Chicago (which he's delighted about), we've gone out a couple times and it's the same thing. He came to the show at Thalia the other night and was plastered, which meant he was hanging onto me the whole night. Arm around my shoulder or waist, kissing my temple, dancing with me, talking into my ear as the band played. All romantic things except for the fact that we're not romantically involved at all. I don't necessarily have a crush on him anymore, and if I do, its dormant feelings that stir up when he behaves like that. And I have to admit that it feels good to be close with someone like that (physically, emotionally, etc.) but at the end of the day when I'm alone and thinking too much it gets trapped in my head. I wouldn't dare say anything to him about it ever, because I truly believe he doesn't have any romantic inclination towards me. We talk about girls he's talking to on Hinge all the time and I detail my latest hookup stories for him when I feel like talking about it. The sensitive, stupid parts of my brain just can't handle it very well.

wyoming and I have semi made-up. At this point, I don't even want to read the posts of this blog back because I know I've gone back and forth on it for so long. We are keeping a distance now for sure, but some things have come up where it's caused me to think about the end goal. When I was out drinking with friends in my hometown a week or two before I moved, I ended up hooking up with him at our spot. It was a total bootycall on my end, and while I think I treated him fairly for how he's been with me these last couple of months, I think that it affected him negatively. A lot of times with sex & intimacy for me nowadays, I detach myself emotionally so it doesn't bring up anything complicated that I don't want to deal with. And while I'm fully aware that I can't really let my emotions seep when it comes to Wyoming, I tried my fullest the night I hooked up with him. Somewhat mean, avoiding talking about myself or talking too much in general, etc. While I wanted to see him and desired some sort of physicality, I was still very much aware of the pain it had caused me in the past. Anyways, we had a very adult conversation about it recently where he said that it affected him quite a bit and he wasn't ready to do casual sex like that if he wasn't prepared to do it all the time/commit to a more serious thing. Which is really understandable and probably quite a good decision for both of us. We agreed we were still good and that if our relationship hadn't been shot to hell at this point (after 7 years of trials and tribulations), not much could stop it at this point. We are being patient with it. While I'm open to small things in the mean time - seeing as I'm 23 and in a new city - I've decided that it is worth it to be patient and that it's something I want in my future. I think he plans on visiting me soon which I'm really excited for. Last time we were here together we had a blast and let me fully plan/choose the stuff we were doing which I thrive off of. It sounds corny but I really think its a sixth type of love language. I like showing my people the good food, the good places, the places that I love in hopes they enjoy it just as much. And now I have a lot more places to show him.

I am nervous for my interview tomorrow, as there are three people who will be interviewing me as a conglomerate. I've never had to interview with more than two people before and apparently we're meeting in one of the locations conference rooms. For a barista job! It's crazy. I think I will fit in nicely there and they definitely give off the same vibe as my last coffeeshop where maybe the customer isn't always right and there's a real value for art and community and collaboration. What worries me is that one of my guy friends (neither of the guys mentioned above) just got an interview at the same location. While I am very confident in my abilities and myself, he is one of those people that other people just naturally gravitate towards. I told him he was the luckiest person I knew the other day, which is true. He went in for an interview for some door job for a bar and he got it on the spot with no actual interview at all. It's frustrating because I feel like sometimes I work twice as hard or care twice as much and it barely compares to how people perceive him because he talks loud and carries (man) confidence. Especially when he's already scored a job to make money and I have no flow of income at the moment. If he gets it over me, I'll be heartbroken. It's really something I should get into but I don't feel like it tonight.

I don't really feel at home here yet and it sort of just feels like a big vacation where I'm required to spend a lot of money on apartment stuff and feeding myself. this city was one of my first loves, so it's still very easy to get wrapped up in it, but I am homesick. I don't have the same community or routine and this time I have the weight and responsibility of being an adult who has adult things to do and pay for. I'm reminded of my getting older every day and I miss being younger so bad. And being younger really sucked for me. I think I'm somewhat holding myself back from things because I'm not comfortable enough yet in this city to do things on my own. Sure, I can go out of my own and walk around and grab food and shop, but I really value taking myself to movies or trying new things and I'm too nervous to do that yet. And literally no one cares about me or what I'm doing but my brain just refuses to let me. Like I can't imagine taking myself out to a sit down restaurant, but I want to. And I'm going to have to because honestly I love finding new shit to do or new restaurants or events and my friends aren't fully onboard with that always. Also, no one from this group likes the band citizen and they're playing here in the city and I have to go whether I'm alone or not. Eek.

Will keep you updated on the rest soon.

xoxo anon

[hallowxiu]

if anyone is willing to listen, i'd like to vent/rant under the read more.

This is a little different from what I usually post, but it's been eating at me for a while. I'm also not good at explaining things like this, so I'm sorry in advance, I might jump around a lot.

Basically, I'm bisexual. That's not a secret, but also not really the point, more so it's just context. I'm twenty-six years old, and I'll be turning twenty-seven this month, and out of my almost twenty-seven years, I haven't felt romantic attraction towards anyone since my freshman year of high school when I was around 15/16. This is something that frustrates me as I see my friends and peers getting into romantic relationships, and I want to be in one too.

However, when I meet someone and begin talking to them (usually through dating apps) I start to feel... detached? I'll flirt, exchange numbers, even set up dates, but nearly the entire time I don't really feel anything, but I hope that I might eventually feel something down the road. I usually end up ghosting the person because I know it's wrong to string someone along and I feel bad about it.

I know realistically, somewhat shitty self-esteem aside, I'm not undesirable. There are men who are interested in me, and there are women who are interested in me too. And yet, I have never been in a serious romantic relationship. I want it, but I don't. It's such an odd feeling.

I know I'm capable of liking someone; I know this isn't something that I can't feel at all. I actually had strong romantic feelings for one of my coworkers (this was around 2021-2022) for about a year, and even tried to pursue it, but it didn't work out. But, aside from that, I haven't felt romantic feelings for anyone like that since. I'm starting to worry that something is wrong with me. Why can't I be like everyone else around me and just chose someone from a dating app, go on a few dates, and then get into a relationship with them? Why do I have to make things so complicated for myself?

I don't think my standards are too high. I used to joke about it, but the coworker I had feelings for was really not anything to write home about (I really don't mean this in an insulting way; they just didn't put a lot of effort into things). So instead, for the last few months, I've just been on dating apps, talking to only one to two guys at a time, exchanging numbers, getting to know them, and then ultimately deciding that no, despite them being cute, I'm not romantically attracted to them and it goes nowhere. But I keep repeating this in hopes it'll get me somewhere.

Currently, I'm suspicious that one of my coworkers (a different one) likes me. A few of my other coworkers hint at it, and I just hope that said coworker never makes a move or brings it up. I like them as a friend; we have a lot in common, but I'm uncomfortable thinking about them in a romantic way. Once again, this is really frustrating to me, because we have so much in common, and I don't think they're bad looking at all, that I should be excited at this possibility. But I'm not.

I'm not afraid of intimacy for the most part, and I do want to eventually be in a relationship. I know that. I don't know if I'm asking for advice, if I'm just writing this to let it all out, or a mix of both. All I know is that I'm almost twenty-seven and I'm still no closer to figuring myself out than when I was sixteen, and that's something that's extremely frustrating to me.

#god i suck #for real #sometimes i think i might be somewhere on the aromatic spectrum #but i honestly have no idea #it’s all so confusing and new to me #i’ve also never personally known anyone on the aromatic spectrum #so i have no experience with it #or maybe i’m just #oh idk the term #a late bloomer?

[isagisyoichi]

YOU MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL!

SYNOPSIS: niko as your boyfriend

CHARACTERS INCLUDED: niko ikki aka my boyfriend hello

WARNINGS: swearing, pretend all the boys go to the same school and they're all friends for plot, normalize not writing serious boys as someone that practically hates their s/o and never opens up to them god bless, also no such thing as ooc since we dunno shit ab him so everything i say is law. SUPER LONG LOL, it's like 2k+ words 😭

A/N: i love my boyfriend and i'm v happy about all the attention he's getting (even if he will prob will b subbed out 👎) this was fun to write bc i think he would b very soft as bf and also i hate the notion that stoic and serious = boring and detached in a relationship. also first post w the new user yayyyy rip yoichisagis an end of an era for realsies.

FOR: fox anon my beloved this one is for u😩

it takes a while for you two to get together, just because niko wants to think things through and be sure he’s making the right decision, as well as him being naturally apprehensive about this whole dating thing.

when you do eventually start going out, keep in mind you're probably his first real anything, so-

niko needs to take it slow for the first month or so because he needs time to adjust and get used to being in a relationship.

when he gets comfortable around you, niko starts to talk a lot more.

niko starts to talk about his interests more-soccer, stem stuff (idc i'll die by my hc that he's a stem boy), etc. and niko's really happy that you're genuinely interested in what he has to say :)

and as your relationship progresses, niko becomes more inclined to share his inner thoughts.

“this song is so bad, i hate it and how it's everywhere,” like, babe that sucks, but what do you want me to do, take it off the radio myself? 😭

you find out that niko’s kind of a hater LOL, but it’s okay, because it means he can be himself around you <3 and the mini debates you have with each other are fun.

he’s someone you can take shopping with you if you need a solid second opinion.

“ikki, is this cute?” you niko as you adjust the shirt you tried on in the fitting room mirror.

“no.” he’s so straight up LOL. “the blue one from earlier was better.”

“this one?”

“yeah, that one. you look really pretty in it.”

ngl though, niko’s not much of a mall person. he'd just follow you around like a little puppy LOL, but he doesn't mind too much because it's for you.

communication is important to niko!!!!! he wants someone that he can have real conversation about the things that matter to him, so he rly makes an effort to have that kind of connection with you.

niko's naturally funny but he isn't aware that he is lol.

but when he does try, i feel like his humor comes in the form of sarcasm and dry wit. likes poking fun at you here and there with a lighthearted jab.

"you're so weird, y/n," is the most common one.

niko’s naturally closed off emotionally (male aquarius 😒) but i, personally, think he’d really try and push himself to be more open with you, especially if you expressed for him to do so </3

he'd be really appreciative of someone patient and understanding of the fact that he doesn't open up easily, though.

but eventually, you become the person closest to him- niko confides in you a lot, which he’s grateful for because he usually holds everything in.

not one for pda or other lovey-dovey things in public, other than the occasional holding of hands but behind closed doors, niko’s so soft around you, it’s like he’s a completely different person.

also, i feel like niko’s real handsy with you, i get the vibe he’s super touch starved 😭

although it does take him a while to get used to physical affection, once he has, niko cannot get enough. he’s always touching you when he has no real reason to.

(and because you're his first relationship, i feel like it’s just natural that niko’s going to be kind of clingy towards you.)

“you okay, ikki?” you ask as niko suddenly wraps his arms around your waist from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“mhm,” he mumbles. “just wanna be close to you.”

niko likes when you sit on his lap when he’s on his computer. you can have your arms wrapped around his neck, your head resting in the crook of his neck, or you could just be on your phone or whatever, it doesn’t matter, niko just likes you near him.

you guys don’t really talk to each other when you do this, aside from niko occasionally checking up on you and asking if you need anything from him.

but other than that, you guys just enjoy each other's touch in silence. it’s one of his favorite things to do with you.

however, if you start kissing him in the middle of whatever he’s doing and keep it up for long enough, niko will drop everything to make out with you right then and there (also one of his favorite things to do with you).

speaking of kissing- you kiss niko first.

niko would try to plan your guys first kiss out because he wants everything to be perfect.

but, he ends up taking forever to execute it because he keeps overthinking and you can only wait so long before kissing him, so you take matters into your own hands.

his kisses are sloppy and juvenile at the beginning, but he’s smart and learns quickly what you do and don’t like.

likes being kissed on his jaw and forehead the most :')

if the team ever happens to see niko kissing you, they're gonna be so annoying 😭

"yooo niko's making big moves ‼️" "my son's growing up on me!😩" "good job *pats on the back*" and niko is red all over as he drags you away from them, muttering about how childish and annoying they are 😭.

but, they're all very supportive of you guys, even if they're embarrassing as hell 🙄.

they even give niko relationship advice- which luckily, he doesn’t follow (most of the time), because, let’s be honest, if you're getting unsolicited dating tips from a bunch of teenage boys, it’s probably bad 😭.

you’re the only person niko shows his forehead to. just know that having the opportunity to see it means that niko trusts you more than anyone else :’)

repay his trust by kissing his forehead lovingly and showering him with compliments whenever you can !!!!!!!!!!

“y/n, why’re you so embarrassing,” niko says under his breath, blushing as you hold his face and litter soft kisses on his forehead, rambling about how cute he is.

always looks for you in the bleachers when he has a game and you’re always the first person he talks to after.

and the fact that you make an effort to come as often as you can means sooo much to him. definitely considers you to be his biggest fan.

real classy with nicknames- uses “my love/love,” and “darling,” the most.

his favorite petname from you is "pretty boy." gives him butterflies each time he hears it.

the first time you call him that, he's confused, but after you explain that being called pretty is basically the highest compliment a boy can receive, he gets all soft on you.

only uses instagram to like and comment on your pictures and that's it 😭.

comments stuff like “you're so pretty” and "beautiful," without any emojis because niko refuses to use them LOL.

remembers the compliments you give him! they help with his self esteem and i feel like he values your opinion a lot.

so, tell him all about how cute and smart and talented and hot and funny he is and how much you love him and he'll replay it in his head 24/7.

i think he prefers to be the big spoon, unless he's sad- then he really wants you to hold him.

niko gives me homebody vibes, so expect relaxed dates, but still nice, yk?

what i mean is niko's not gonna take you out to get gas station food and call it a day 😭 he's classier than that and he always puts in effort towards dates.

he always plans them ahead of time and takes into consideration what he thinks you'd enjoy. and he insists on paying 🤗.

but, niko always does something special for days like your birthday or an anniversary, like go somewhere fancy if you wanted to or buy a nice gift you've been eyeing for a while.

helps you with your schoolwork, 100%. most of the time niko tutors you because he wants you to actually learn the material, but if you're feeling lazy and just wanna get it over with, niko will just give you the answers.

this is a big deal because i love him and all but, niko gives me the vibe he's super stingy with his work 😭.

"this is the last time i'm going to just give you the answers, y/n." niko sighs out. "you have to start doing your homework by yourself."

niko's said that dozen of times but he's still giving you the answers free of charge. can you guys say #whipped 🤣?

LOL speaking of school, if you ever text him during class, i highly doubt that niko would entertain you 😭😭 (it's out of love, though)

y/n 💗: hiii baby imy 🥰

pretty boy: do your work, y/n.

y/n 💗: ALL I DID WAS SAY HI

pretty boy: pay attention.

y/n 💗: fine ur so lame 👎

pretty boy: whatever you say. i miss you too, by the way.

he likes to moves your hair out your face because he wants to see your pretty face better.

which is why you have to do the same with him 🥰!!!!!! makes him blush like crazy.

gets soooo soft when you post him or even take pictures of you and him together :') just the thought of you wanting to show him off makes him soooo happy.

he won't entertain you if you make a tiktok, though LOL. he's very stubborn in his belief that it's stupid.

just stands in the background with his arms crossed if you try to make him do a dance or something 😭 (he does think you look cute, though).

niko has such nice eyelashes but i doubt he's aware of it 'cause he's, y'know, a boy 🙄.

"my eyelashes are ... cute?" he questions. niko wasn't even aware that such a trivial thing like his eyelashes could be considered cute.

"yes, oh my god," you gush. "they're so long and nice, i wish mine were like that," you groan, examining yours through the camera of your phone.

"you're so weird, y/n," he says, a blush staining his cheeks. "your eyelashes are nicer," he mumbles as he kisses your forehead.

he's one of those people that prefers to be alone, but you're the exception. you know?

niko likes to keep to himself most of the time, but that whole thing doesn't apply to you, because he'd choose to be with you over being alone anytime :')

#THIS WAS SO LONG CHRKST #ilysmni i love you so much niko ikki #not a dating hc but i really thinkche has the kind of headphones that tsukki has 💀💀💀 #niko ikki #niko ikki x reader #niko x reader #blue lock #bllk x reader #bllk #blue lock x reader #blue lock imagine #blue lock headcanons #bllk headcanons #niko ikki headcanons #niko ikki imagine #ikki niko #ikki niko x reader #bllk imagines

[likearecordbb]

about your post on the recent discourse...

it's honestly so confusing to me because like,, you say that ppl pointing out how members of this fandom will make neil very stereotypically 'feminine' is reinforcing the idea of 'masculinity' as one thing and 'femininity' as another.... and i get that we should get rid of these labels. but at the same time... the content itself that ppl are criticising (the ones that 'feminize' neil) are already doing just that. that's why they're criticising it.

i can't point out how ppl are reinforcing the idea that a relationship should have a 'man' and a 'woman', without... saying that that's what they're doing. the writer themselves already sees relationships this way and 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as two different distinct things. that's exactly *why* they're writing neil this way while keeping andrew close to canon.

there's nothing wrong with neil being stereotypically 'feminine' of course. but to act like it's somehow misogynistic for me to go to these ppl and be like 'hey, u shouldn't view mlm relationships through the lens of a hetero one! it can be very harmful' is weird to me... *especially* considering these stereotypes that ppl are pushing onto neil come from misogyny themselves. (ppl making neil much much more emotional than he is in canon while keeping andrew very stoic)

idk, like... ur simultaneously saying that we shouldn't view relationships as needing a 'man' and a 'woman'... while defending people who are doing just that and creating content which reinforces just that.

it's one thing to say 'we shouldn't view masculinity and femininity as two distinct and different things!'/'we should get rid of these labels all together cause they're meaningless'... but if i look at the content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes... then i can't help but feel like ur not as detached from the idea of 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as u would like to believe... i trust the ppl who say these ideas are meaningless while not changing the canon characters because they seem to be sticking to their words.

people will just say that they prefer writing andreil is this heternormative way... they'll just say it what they like or what they're most comfortable writing without ever questioning *why* they prefer it this way.

and if they're projecting.. well then, *why* this couple? why pick an mlm couple to project what is often the experience of a cis woman in a relationship? why pick this mlm couple when there are others that do fit the stereotypical heternormative dynamic? idk. like,, u can do this ofc, but ppl can also call u out on ur shit.

there's an undeniable reason that neil is exclusively the one that ppl pick to make more stereotypically 'feminine'. and there's a reason this type of content is also so popular. and it's certainly not wrong to point this out.

You know, I can see all of these points that you're making. For me, the overall issue of this is very complicated. I am also super uncomfortable with the imposition of heteronormative roles onto...well, onto any relationship, regardless of the identities of the people who constitute it. I was raised smack dab in the middle of the gay community by lesbian moms (together 38 years now, jfc, can you imagine??), so that "man/woman" thing was never something that I grew up internalizing or normalizing. I can recognize that this may give me a bit too much of a sense of objectivity.

However, I'm also like...I've been ruined by grad school. The "feminizing" word makes me really uncomfortable because it starts to stray for me into gender essentialism territory. It also seems to foundationally differentiate between "masculine" behaviors and "feminine" behaviors and I just really hate that? Lesbian moms, trans daughter, bi (and late-in-life trying to see where on the ace spectrum I might fall) self, I've just met so many people with so many expressions of gender and sexuality and I just... Idk, I automatically resist anything that feels like it's upholding "masculinity" and "femininity" as real (as in, not constructed) things. And then I also am like, well, I've known SO MANY gay men who behaved in the ways that the discourse constructs as "feminized" and then I start to feel like, what about these men? Are they less 'men' because of it? How would it feel for that man to read these things saying his identity expression was a problem or a bad stereotype? Do I read *Neil Josten* within that context... no, not really. I think Neil has a 'not enough emotional expression' problem way before he has a 'too much emotional expression' problem.

I'll say here what I often say to my students in complex discussions: I don't have answers. I don't think I'm right and anyone else is wrong. I just have complicated thoughts and feelings and concerns about some of the things that sometimes seem to be left uninterrogated.

So, I do 100% get the need to be vigilant about the imposition of a "man" (dominant, emotionally constipated, sexually driven, stoic) role and "woman" (emotional, needy, teary, dependent) role onto relationships with two (or more!) men or women. I would also argue that we need to get rid of that idea in hetero relationships, too, because it's super damaging. I just wish we could find a way to talk about that that didn't feel like it was accepting this idea of femininity as a given? And I definitely agree that it's problematic when the 'bottom' in a relationship is depicted as the one who's soft and silly and weepy. (Have you read TJ Klune's Tales from Verania series? A VERY fun world that does that not at all and it's great). I'm not saying these things are not worth confronting--I'm just really uncomfortable with the way the conversations are often framed around a concept of femininity/feminizing. It feels like shrapnel, I guess? Like, 'ugh stop feminizing Neil he's not weepy and uwu he's a badass' feels inherently to me like it's making femininity and badassery mutually exclusive? Maybe I'm just looking for a caveat or footnote in the argument that acknowledges that that is constructed *for women too*? And is a part of, like, a larger heteronormative patriarchal structure? And not something that we can just all obviously agree is the way the ladies (should?) behave?

One other question I've been dying to ask, though, is: where are these fics? I don't think I've ever read something where Neil is crying over Jack being mean to him or anything. Maybe if I start to see hints of that characterization, I just close the tab and never end up getting to the 'worst' of it?

Although, if what you said earlier about the "content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes..." was referring to me, then... idk what to say to that. I don't think that's what I do. The heteronormative relationship that you're describing isn't one that I enjoy, desire for myself (or anyone else), or have any interest in reproducing.

Does this clarify what I'm trying to say? I guess it's a really long way of saying, in the old insufferable grad school tradition: well, first we have to define our terms. Because I'm not sure we're all coming up with the same thing when we use the word "feminizing" and that probably has a lot to do with why we keep having this exact same conversation over and over and over again.

If I missed any specific point you'd like to pick at in more detail, please let me know--my very sad platonic life partner (who had to put her beloved 15-year-old poodle to sleep yesterday) and her mom are waiting for me to drive them to the stores for a distraction, so I'm feeling a little time pressure.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi! I have a question regarding improving your ability to type fictional characters.

I know that fictional characters won't follow MBTI rules perfectly, and there will likely be inconsistencies with the writing. My problem comes from identifying Te vs Ti in fiction.

I understand how these functions work, and I can identify them in real people (you also have the benefit of asking people things to see how they respond). It's hard for me to type characters that have little screen type, and come up with compelling arguments for their typings.

So to get to the point,

I have a hard time telling apart Ti and Te doms in fiction. Both heroes and villains with these types are cold and detached and have issues expressing their emotions. (Specifically hero and villains, because I find that just regular characters are easier to identify, because they're more 'normal'.) The only way I can simplify it for myself to tell them apart is to see how much they care about just getting things done, as I have an easier time identifying Te. Ti is pretty foreign to me. I can usually only see Ti if I can see low Fe if that makes sense, but even then I can still be blindsided when a character I thought was TeFi or TiFe, turns out to be almost unanimously voted as the opposite type.

Regarding Ti, do you also have any good villain examples + their motivation? I identify TeFi villains by looking for brutal efficiency motivated by personal values. It's harder for me to imagine why a TiFe user might be the villain.

Any advice? Thank you!

One way to tell the difference is to look at how they act under stress; TJ types don't become emotionally provocative or reactive in an intense way, but TP types do, because Fe externalizes their emotions. If you've seen Die Hard, think about how Bruce Willis' character handles stress (increasingly becoming angry, frustrated, snapping at people, and insulting - low Fe) in comparison to how Alan Rickman's villain (ETJ) handles stress -- by focusing on competency and being emotionally withdrawn. Which one taunts and baits the other one all the time? The TP.

It can be hard to tell the difference in types, especially where poor writing is concerned -- the more inconsistent the writing, the more the character isn't complete, the harder it is to tell the difference between vague similarities. Sometimes there's no clear type -- I saw Underwater the other day and it's an EXCELLENT thriller, but the main character, played by Kristen Stewart, has no clear type, except she's an introvert and a 6w5. I started out assuming she might be an ISTP given her profession / where she chose to work, but throughout the situations that arose, she hesitated to act in Se ways. She showed a lot of emotions. She doubted they could survive on Se terms, which means she wasn't using visible Se. I suspect she's an INTP, but she didn't show a ton of Ne / intuition either (just a general sense of "I think maybe this is a bad idea?"). So sometimes you just have to make an educated guess. (In comparison, her boss is a super clear ESTP 7w8. :P)

If a character has very little screen time -- either make a guess based on a stereotype or don't type them. There's a reason I leave out sidekicks all the time -- most of them are stock characters, cliches, or undefined except in how they interact with the leads, and most of them don't have much screen time.

Regarding TP and TJ villains -- TJ villains are attempting to accomplish something tangible (such as conquering the world so they can rule it, betraying people for financial gain, etc) and it's not usually personal; they don't taunt the hero or go out of their way to make them suffer, and would much rather just shoot the hero than string him along or play mind games with him. TP villains often are more unpredictable and champions of chaos, using their Se/Ne function to adapt to new situations and not miss a beat.

TiFe villains often want to accomplish something also, but it's often personal and related to their goals / not objectively easily understood. Look at Anaconda's villain, the Master in Doctor Who, Joker in the Batman trilogy, Grandcourt in Daniel Deronda. He's a good example of a TP villain actually because his only motivation is to "break" the heroine like a horse, to tame her. It accomplishes nothing but his own satisfaction, he gains nothing from it except to ruin her. Or Ben Wade from 3:10 to Yuma - he just doesn't want to get caught or go to prison, so he brutally deals with people. Simcoe in TURN is ambitious and scheming, but also wants to please his superiors.

A really good rule of thumb for a villain, if you know your own type, is whether you understand their motivations or not, in terms of your own judging axis. Would you do this? Or would you not? Does it make sense to you or does it not?

Regarding characters being "voted a different type entirely" -- ahem, Personality Database is only as reliable as the people voting, and they over-assign 4, NFJ, NTJ, NTP, and NFP to everyone. :P

#question #mbti

[bill-y]

INURE

Peeta Mellark x Reader

[ We all know who Katniss Everdeen is, but what if Primrose hadn’t been chosen but another boy from another unfortunate family? YOUR family. ]

Info: This is basically a reader insert and I’ve changed a few rules, not ground breaking though. The reader is a bit bland for now but I plan for his actions to be different. Because he has different moral grounds from Katniss and such. Would appreciate feedback! FEEL FREE TO POINT OUT TYPOS. GRAMMARLY SOMETIMES DOESN’T DO MY DYSLEXIC ASS JUSTICE

Part four: Click here, rooroorara shooty shooty vang vang

Part five: You're right here, silly!

Part six: Click here, war criminal of 1878!

Wattpad acc: L0calxDumbass

The moment the anthem finished, we were taken into custody. It's not as if we were cuffed or anything; a group of Peacekeepers simply marched us through the front door of the Justice Building.

Each year, at least one of the tributes tries to escape; I've never seen one successfully do so.

Once inside, they put me in a room. It's the most prosperous place I've been to. With a thick carpet in the ground and a weird couch made of fabric, I've never seen before.

It was a strange texture, almost like the weird fuzzy stuff in deer's antlers. My father called them velvet; was this the same thing? If so, that's a bit gross.

Despite this, I still caressed the couch; it was oddly comforting. Almost like you're patting a nearly hairless kitten. It switched from smooth to rough each time I ran my hands through it.

Then I remembered that we only had an hour to say goodbye to our loved ones before leaving for the Capitol. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in. I didn't want to cry at all; the cameras were trained on me. I'm sure the Capitol would eat my tears up.

The first people who came in were my mother and my brother. Kunal let out a sob as he ran towards me, practically throwing himself onto me. I hugged him, staying silent as he buried his face into my neck, afraid that if he let go, I would disappear.

But I needed to break it one way or another. "Mother," I called, my voice detached. Her green eyes met mine, her lips quivering. I gulped down my spit, taking another deep breath in. "Do you. . . Have any idea on how you'll support yourselves. . ?" I asked.

Her eyes landed on the thick, red carpet. "Not as of now," she answered grimly, "But Katniss' mother offered me some work at the apothecary,"

My arms around my brother tightened. Maybe Gale and Katniss could bring them some of the game as well, though I wouldn't count on it. Why would they help us when they have other things to worry about? It's not as if I could teach Nal how to hunt either. The boy's frightened by his own shadow.

All he's good for right now for picking flowers as much as I love him. A sigh escaped my lips, my chest falling slowly as the reality sunk in.

"Well, you must think of something," I told her, my brows furrowing. "I'm not going to come back; I won't be able to support you and—"

"No!" she barked, "No! You will come back, Y/n." she proclaimed, her eyes shaking. She clenched her, fists, "Swear that you will."

Bitterness rose within me. "Tell that to the Capitol, mother," I said coolly. "If I die, then I—." My words were cut short by the sobbing of my brother.

He sniffled, pulling away from my now wet neck. "You'll win, won't you?" he croaked, wiping his eyes with the sleeves of his reaping clothes.

I felt my heart stop; what was I supposed to say to him? "No, Nal. I will surely die, don't count on it,"  a lump formed in my throat.

My eyes landed on my mother, who gave a stern look.  It told me to lie, if not for her sake, then for my brother's. With shaky hands, I held my brother's shoulders. "I'll make it out; then we can— gather some flowers in Victor's village, yes?" 

Nal nodded, hugging me once more. I took a deep breath before I started explaining what they should do. With mother possibly getting a job at the apothecary, perhaps they have a  chance to survive, after all. Though I'm not sure, that's such a pleasant thought with the fact that I will die. 

Soon enough, a Peacekeeper was at the door, telling them their time was up. I gave Nal a hard squeeze before pushing him off. My mother nodded at me; her strawberry blonde hair bounced as she did so. "I love you both," 

The words were stuck in my throat; I couldn't say them. Maybe it was because of my strained relationship with my mother or because I hated the fact that I had just given my brother a false sense of hope. I simply watched as they walked away, hand in hand. 

Nal's watery blue eyes looked back at me one last time, a look of sadness. He knew I was lying. I sounded unconvinced when I told him. My posture slumped; I felt horrible. Our maker is siis merely, I suppose.

The next visitor was unexpected; Peeta's father, the baker. My gut churned; I was off to kill his son soon. Why has he come to visit me? Perhaps he has come to beg me not to kill his son? Not that I could either way, Peeta was stronger than me: it was clear as day.

He handed me a small piece of parchment. It was filled with warm cookies. A delicacy. He must've visited his son; after all, why would he just me cookies? I was about to die anyway; why feed a dead man?

I let out a huge breath, "How was the squirrel?" my voice pierced through the thick silence. He shrugged, "Alright," he answered. Then another wave of silence hit us. I sniffed awkwardly, the scent of fresh bread entering my lungs. 

I couldn't think of anything to say. What was I supposed to do? ApoloApologisebe, but I never really liked apoloapologisingee no need to. If I'm sorry, then I'll show it. We sat in awkward silence before the Peacekeepers told him his time was up. He stood up, clearing his throat.

"I'll keep an eye on the little boy, make sure he's eating," He stated before leaving. I felt the pressure lift from my chest. They may not like me much, but Nal was practically an angel to them. An angel born in a family of rebels, I'm guessing, is their thoughts.

The next guest then entered. Madge. Her expression wasn't weepy nor evasive, nor did she wear that bright smile she always had when she was around me. It looked urgent. She walked straight to me, the urgency in her tone quite surprising, "They let you wear one thing from your district in the arena. One thing to remind you of home, will you wear this?" she holds out a circular gold pin that was on her dress earlier.

My brows furrowed, "Your pin?' I said. Does she really to die wearing rich-people-things? That hasn't even crossed my mind. . . 

"I'll put it on your tunic, alright?" She said, not waiting for my answer as she leaned in and fixed the bird on my chest. "Promise me you'll wear it to the arena, Y/n. Promise me," She took my hand, her thumbs rubbing the back of my own.

Compared to Peeta's, hers was cold yet soft, almost as if she was nervous, worried. But why would she? I barely talk to her; she's the one who always strikes a conversation. All I do is nod and disagree at certain times. 

She leaned closer to my face; I gave her an uncertain smile, pulling away. "Thank you, Madge," I muttered. She nodded, letting go of my hands. "Please, stay safe," her voice trembled as she rushed out of the room. I was left standing there, confused. What was that? Why did she visit me despite my rudeness earlier?

Next was Gale and Katniss. I didn't hesitate to hug both of them before pulling away with a sigh. "Hey, you'll be fine," Gale reassured, patting my shoulder. I stayed silent, only nodding. Katniss gave me a pity smile, "I'm sure it would be fairly easy to get knives, Y/n."

A sigh left my mouth, "I know— I just— Don't want to—" I stammered, making a stabbing motion with my hand. Gale gave me a pitied look, "It's just like hunting, Y/n. You're the best hunter we know," he said.

"They're not animals. They think; they're armed."  I reasoned, my voice trembling. Why did I have to feel these emotions now? Maybe reality has finally settled in, the truth that I'll never see any of these faces again. On the off chance that I do, I'm sure they'll view me differently, a cold-blooded murderer.

"What's the difference, reale said grimly. Those words echoed in my head as they went away with the Peacekeepers. What is the difference? We're all just feral dogs forced to fight or cocks pit against each other.

I took a deep breath as I got called to ride a wagon to the train station. It was a relatively short ride. We never really had the luxury of these; we always had to travel by foot.  

I silently thanked myself for not crying; there were insect-like cameras trained onto my face. Thankfully, I knew how to act, to bite my tongue. If I hadn't, I'd probably be screaming profanities. My eyes glanced onto the television screen; I look bored. Which, I surprisingly was.

It was as if my spirit left me already.

Peeta Mellark, on the other hand, had obviously been crying. However, he didn't even try to hide it, which was quite odd. Was this his strategy? To appear weak and vulnerable to assure the other tributes that he was no threat? This worked for a girl from district 7. Johanna Mason.

She seemed frightened, a cowardly fool that no one bothered about her until only a handful left. She then killed them all, with no problem whatsoever. I remember watching this game, quite shocked. She sold her act to me, but then again, maybe I'm just oblivious.

This worked for her because she looked frail, weak. Peeta applying this strategy was quite odd. Not only did he not look soft, but he was also jacked. He just looked like a big doofus. All those years having bread to eat and hauling trays made him physically capable.

Annoyance rose through me when we had to stand by the train's entrance while cameras gobbled out images up. I was sure I no longer looked bored but rather pissed. It wasn't like I was about to put on a pretty smile for them. These jester-dressed-worms should know how I feel.

Finally, we boarded, and the train began to move at once. The speed took my breath away. It was going faster than I could ever think of. The scenery around us just blurred—a mix of the neutral colour palette that made up District 12. 

We were taught about coal in school. Some basic maths and reading before it circled back to coal again. Our district was used for coal mining, even hundreds of years ago.

Then there are the weekly lectures about the history of Panem, which never fails to annoy me. It's all blather about how we owe the Capitol because of the rebellion and whatnot.

I knew they're hiding something; we couldn't have lost that easily. I always think about this whenever I'm up in the trees, daydreaming, which is why I'm always the last one to arrive at the hill.

The tribute train was much fancier than the room at the Justice building. We were given our own rooms, a dressing area and private bathroom with cold and hot running water. We've never really had hot water readily available at home; we had to boil it.

Though I can't say, I like it, with all that effort I just end up not liking the bath. I much prefer the cold, flowing current of a river.

There are drawers filled with fine clothes, and Effie Trinket told me to do anything I want, wear anything I want, everything is at my disposal. Just be ready for supper in an hour. I peel off my father’s tunic and take a cold shower. I’ve never had a shower before. It’s like being in the rain, inky much tamer. I dress in a dark green shirt and pants, trying my hair to the usual, small pa

At the last minute, I remember Madge’s little gold pin. For the first time, I get a good look at it. It’s as if someone fashioned a small golden bird and then attached a ring around it. The bird is connected to the ring only by its wingtips. I suddenly recognise it—a Mockingjay.

Funny little birds, my favourite creature in the forests, that's for sure. These were a slap to the Capitol's face. They genetically altered animals as weapons. Muttations as we call them, or Mutts for short. One particular kind was a bird they labelled Jabberjay, able to memorise and repeat whole human conversations.

Homing birds, exclusively male that were released into regions where the Capitol’s enemies were known to be hiding. After the birds gathered words, they’d fly back to centres to be recorded. It took people a while to realise what was going on in the districts, how private conversations were being transmitted. Then, of course, the rebels fed the Capitol endless lies, and the joke was on it. So the centres were shut down, and the birds were abandoned to die off in the wild.

But they didn't die; instead, they mated with the female mocking birds and produced this weird species that can replicate both bird whistles and human melodies. They've lost the ability to enunciated words but could still mimic a range of human vocal cords.

My father used to sing them a lot. I guess he passed that habit down to me. Whenever I'm not doing anything, I find myself singing to the hummingbirds, who surprisingly listen and replicate my Father's song. It was a simple melody, made of 10 notes at least.

It warmed by heart, especially at times where I miss him. I smiled, fastening the pin to my shirt, the dark green as its background.

Effie came to collect me. I followed her through a narrow, rocking corridor into a dining room. There's a table where all the dishes are highly breakable. There waiting for us was Peeta Mellark, the chair beside him empty.

"Where's Haymitch?" Asked Effie Trinket brightly.

"Last time I saw him he said he was going to take a nap," said Peeta. "Well, it’s been an exhausting day," said Effie Trinket. I think she’s relieved by Haymitch’s absence, and who can blame her?

Food came in courses. Though I barely touched the carrot soup, the chocolate cake, lamb chops nor the mashed potatoes. I wasn't going to eat this, not from the Capitol.

My jaw clenched as Effie told me to eat up, smiling brightly at me. I gave her a pained smile, slowly taking a bite of the lamb on my plate before swallowing it roughly.

A swirl of guilt formed in my stomach, was I eating really this luxurious food whilst Nal and mother struggle? I sighed, digging my nails into my palms.

Peeta looked at me oddly as he stuffed his face, he nudged my side and nodded towards the food. I simply shook my head, pushing the plate away.

Effie put her lips together at my stubbornness. She was muttering something about having no manners.

We go to another compartment to watch the recap of the reapings across Panem. They try to stagger them throughout the day so a person could conceivably watch the whole thing live, but only people in the Capitol could really do that since none of them has to attend reapings themselves.

One by one, we see the other reapings, the names called, the volunteers stepping forward or, more often, not. We examine the faces of the kids who will be in our competition. A few stand out in my mind.

A monstrous boy who lunges forward to volunteer from District 2. A fox-faced girl with sleek red hair from District 5. A boy with a crippled foot from District 10. And most hauntingly, a twelve-year-old girl from District 11. She has dark brown skin and eyes, but other than that, she’s very like Nal in size and demeanour. Only when she mounts the stage and task for volunteers, all you can hear is the wind whistling through the decrepit buildings around her. There’s no one willing to take her place.

Last of all, District twelve. It showed Nal getting called and me volunteering. The commentators weren't sure about what to say regarding the silence. I only smirked at this, crossing my legs in amusement. Just in time, Haymitch fell from the stage, earning a comical groan from the commentators.

Peeta silently took his place on the stage; we shook hands and then just cut to the anthem.

Effie Trinket is disgruntled about the state her wig was in. "Your mentor has a lot to learn about presentation. A lot about televised behaviour."

Unexpectedly, Peeta laughed. "He was drunk." He said. "He's drunk every year."

"Everyday," I added, finally breaking my silence streak with a smirk. Effie makes it sound kike Haymitch just had rough manners that could easily be dealt with.

"Yes," She hissed "How odd you two find it amusing. You know your mentor is your lifeline to the world in these Games. The one who advises you lines up your sponsors, and dictates the presentation of any gifts. Haymitch can well be the difference between your life and your death!"

Just then, Haymitch staggers into the compartment. "I miss supper?" he slurred. Then he vomits all over the expensive carpet and falls in a mess.

"So laugh away!" said Effie Trinket. And so I did, I barked out mocking laughter as she hopped in her pointy shoes around the pool of vomit and fled the room.

Word count: 2974

Tags:

@nin3s

#hunger games x reader #hunger games #hunger games x male reader #male reader #male reader insert #peeta mellark x male reader #peeta mellark x reader #peetamellark #x male reader #gale #male x male reader

[voidstilesplease]

In light of a recent discovery, here's another demigod au ficlet :)

---

It's not that Theo is jealous, he's not, but it's getting annoying how closely Stiles is studying the head counselor for cabin seven, Apollo's cabin: Brett. 

They're gathered around the nightly bonfire, passing chocolates and roasted marshmallows, as they listen to Brett playing the lyre. The instrument is a gift from Lord Hermes to Brett after a fruitful quest (just as Hermes gifted the first lyre to his brother Apollo to appease the sun god of the former's thievery - yes, Stiles, Theo listens to your lectures, thank you). Brett plays the instrument well, and he carries a decent tune to accompany it, all right, but there's no need to stare at his fingers on the strings, is there? It's starting to get to Theo's nerves, honestly.

When Stiles absently takes the s'mores that Theo hands to him, Theo snaps. "What's so captivating about Brett?" He tries to sound curious, but he can't mask the edge on his voice that gives him away entirely. "You've seen him play with instruments before."

Stiles sends him a curious glance, picking up on Theo's tone and then back to Brett's performance. He takes a bite of his treat, smearing the corners of his lips with sticky mallows and graham crumbs. "The strings are glowing, idiot," Stiles says without heat.

Theo scowls at the name-calling but reaches out to clean the smudges from Stiles's face anyway. Stiles mutters a soft thanks and gives Theo a small smile before carrying on with his observation.

When Theo begrudgingly turns and watches Brett strumming the lyre, there are indeed different colors glowing from the instrument as the Apollo boy plays. And if Theo pays a closer look, there's also a pattern to these colors. He huffs. Of course, Stiles will be distracted by this. Something is gleaming, and it has hypothetical value he can obsess about later. Stiles is a goner.

So, his boyfriend is not, in fact, watching Brett or his fingers. But he's still paying Theo no notice, which is the pressing matter here.

"Are you going to be distracted the whole night?" Theo says through gritted teeth.

That makes Stiles drag his gaze back on Theo, squinting his eyes at his boyfriend. The orange firelight from the bonfire dances in his brown eyes as Stiles's mouth turns up in a playful smile, "You're so clingy,"

Theo's answer is a loud scoff. He swivels away, the fire burning just a little more on his marshmallow, detaching it from the stick to plop uselessly on the ground. Theo swears under his breath.

Stiles scoots closer to him, stuffing his food into his mouth and brushing the crumbs off his fingers. He slides an arm around Theo and pulls him close. Stiles props his chin on Theo's left shoulder and grins up at him, immediately forgetting the lyre. Theo continues to glare, dropping a small kiss on top of Stiles's nose before he reminds himself that he's annoyed. Theo still grumbles when he impales another marshmallow on his stick. "Next thing, you'll be asking Brett to teach you how to play it."

Stiles snorts, nuzzling the side of Theo's neck. Stiles is not the most openly-affectionate person, but on the rare occasions he is, Theo takes everything he can. Stiles swallows his food, smiling lopsidedly, "Are you saying I can't learn it myself?"

Theo rolls his eyes.

The reaction earns him a chuckle. "Anyway," Stiles says, turning to the bonfire. "It's just good music, Theo. Brett's dad is a professional singer, so that's why even his singing is not abysmal."

"Is that what 'god of music' is downplayed to now? A professional."

"No, not Apollo, obviously," Stiles sends him a flat look. "I mean his human dad."

Theo pauses, staring at Stiles, uncomprehending.

Stiles catches the confusion on his face after a moment and arches a brow, "What?"

"You said 'his human dad',"

A short nod, "Yeah,"

"I don't understand."

Stiles straightens, "Wait. You didn't know? Of course, you didn't. You're wearing your dumb look."

Theo glowers for the heck of it, "I don't have a dumb look,"

"You do too," Stiles tells him. "But yes. Brett is an offspring of a male god and a male mortal," he says it as if it is common knowledge. It isn't. 

It's not adding up inside Theo's head at all. It's like Stiles is speaking in gibberish, and the gears in his brain are creaking in an effort to translate. "How," he breathes out after a while. "How is that even possible?"

Stiles turns to him, unimpressed, and shakes his head. "I swear you forget you're half a divinity sometimes."

"But it's not-" Theo sputters, wanting to say it's not possible, but of course, it is. Almost everything is possible with the gods. He thought that going two years in this demigod business that nothing will surprise him anymore. But then information like this knocks him back to square one. He finishes with a loud exhale, eyes wide and in utter disbelief. "He doesn't have a mom? That's very weird." Theo manages to croak out.

Stiles whips his head sharply at that statement, narrowing his eyes dangerously. "I resent that," he says. "You saying that about Brett is insulting me too, you know, considering how I came to be."

Theo feels another breath is about to be punched out of him, "What do you mean?" His voice is embarrassingly panicked and desperate. "You have a mom,"

"Yeah, but do you remember who my mother is?"

Theo is almost offended, "Athena! The goddess of battle-" he cuts midsentence, realization dawning on his features. Stiles is merely raising his eyebrows, giving him time. Theo shakes his head, feeling a headache creeping upon him. "She's a virgin goddess." Lifting his head to seek Stiles's eyes, he flails with his one hand, a very Stiles gesture that he's quickly adapting, especially in stressful situations. "Then how-"

As Theo lets his question hang, Stiles shrugs, "I guess we never discussed this. But do you, at least, remember the tale of how my mother was born?"

"Zeus lusted after Metis, a Titaness and a goddess of wisdom, prudence, and deep thought. She was Zeus' first wife, but when she was pregnant with their first child, an oracle of Gaea prophesied that Metis' first child would be a girl and that her second child would be a boy that would overthrow Zeus, similarly to what had happened to his father and grandfather. Zeus took this warning to heart, so the next time he saw Metis, Zeus swallowed her and her unborn child.

After a time, Zeus developed an unbearable headache, which made him scream out of pain so loudly that the entire world heard it. The other gods came to see what the problem was. Hermes realized what had to happen and directed Hephaestus to take a wedge and split open Zeus's skull. Out of the head sprang Athena, fully grown and in a full set of armor. Due to the way of her birth, she became the goddess of intelligence and wisdom." [x]

Theo blinks at Stiles. Stiles blinks right back.

There's a quiet tension between them as Stiles waits for Theo to speak. Then, dully, Theo says, "You did not spring out of Athena's skull."

Stiles, for his part, looks a little bit sheepish, at least. He gestures at his siblings nearby, confirming, "We all did."

Theo doesn't know how long he gapes, but one thing is for sure: he'll never see Stiles the same way again. He's dating a literal brainchild - a gift. It's part astonishing and part ludicrous. And Theo thinks he just fell in love again.

He sits on the log, unmoving and stunned that he doesn't notice his marshmallow falling off of his stick again.

Theo feels a nudge from his right, prompting him to move. He snaps his mouth shut and turns, still in a slight daze, to see Boyd, son of Hephaestus, procuring a screwdriver from the magical tool belt around his hips. It's enough to clear his head, and Theo takes the object and looks at it uncertainly, "What's this for?"

Boyd smirks, making a twirling gesture with his finger, pointing at his temple. "So you can fix the loose screws in your head," 

Stiles doubles over in laughter at his side.

•••

Sometime later:

"So, does this mean we can have a child coming out of your skull, too?"

Theo barely misses Stiles's dagger.

~•~

#steo #steo au #steo fic #teen wolf #demigod au #stiles stilinski #theo raeken #just fluff #word count: 1420 #teen wolf demigod au series #fics tag #lmao I just couldn't get this out of my head 🤣 #demigodseries

[echo-three-one]

Whatever It Takes

Still recovering from the injuries when they rescued Samantha and Maxine, Soap and France er- John and Francine sits out on the next mission and enjoys a little rest and recreation. Comfy right?

Chapter 8 to another story made by Ray (echo-three-one) Comments and Reviews appreciated! I hope you enjoy! Love you all ❤️

Previous Chapter : Alex - Just Like Old Times

"Experiment 001"

John 'Soap' MacTavish

Task Force 141 - Off Duty

London, United Kingdom

John barely passed the Physical Test and he was excited that he made it just in time with their next mission. But what he didn't expect was that he was already too late to tag along. They were headed to an Augustus base from a lead they got from Alex, who actually convinced the whole local militia to join his cause. He noted not to underestimate him despite the lack of limbs as that was his specialty back in the CIA.

Now, with enough time and approved Rest and Recreation, he can't believe they're driving to London. He didn't know how it happened but a few nudges and teases from France and they were actually driving his trusty jeep on their way to a local coffee shop she wanted to visit.

"You seem happy for someone who sits out in a fight." Soap commented as France's hair blew softly as the jeep sped across the empty highway.

"Well, I can't force myself out there, might as well enjoy the little freedom from the gunfire and chaos." she cheered, raising her hands openly like a tourist or someone from a music video. Soap rolled his eyes toward her behavior but when he thinks of it, he might use some relaxation himself.

"So, we're really driving to London for coffee? We could've just brewed some back at the base, you know?" he informed, eyes turning to the road. 

"Oh come on Soap! Live a little! It's the relaxing background I'm looking for, the one that yells "Rest up Francine and shoot tangos later!"" she teased, Soap was still not convinced about this, he's all too focused on work, living up to the 'elite' part of the task force.

Soap continued driving and couldn't help but momentarily turn to her, how she shook her head when her hair got in the way, how she giggled at the bumps on the road and how she badgered him with a lot of questions. All of those things he seemed to like. She even told him to slow down so she could take pictures of the view and show them to Maxine when she finally remembers her, along with a few selfies with Soap.

~

"So, Soap, this is your vacation? On your phone with a cup of coffee?" France crossed her arms as she sat in front of Soap. The Scottish looked at him, brows raised.

"Don't call me Soap out here. And I'm actually checking German news channels." he informed while not batting an eye on her.

"Really, what should I call you then, Dove?" She joked, while Soap remained unamused.

"John." he muttered.

"Really?! You don't really look like a John. Maybe... a James.. James MacTavish? Sounds better." she mused as she looked at the problematic mohawk man as he keeped raising his phone looking for a signal.

"Hey check your phone. Do you have reception or something?" Soap finally looked at her and turned to the direction she's looking at. A young woman was raising her phone just outside the cafe.

"What is she doing?" France pointed out and Soap was rendered speechless. Moments later the phone exploded into an EMP blast shattering the café windows causing the two to cover under the tables.

"Shite." John muttered and looked at France who was inches near him. France's hands were covering her ears as the ringing continued.

"Come on! Let's leave here before our ears bleed!" Soap roared, enduring the pain of the ringing as he pulled France to safety. People scattered around looking for a spot to stay which was just a few yards away from the phone. Everyone stood still and murmured as the person holding the phone crippled in pain from the said blast.

Francine forced herself off of John's strong grip and winced as she reached the blast zone, enduring the mental pain as she tried to rescue her. John took a while before he helped her up as his ears started to bleed from the ringing. Halfway through safety the phone exploded and the screeching stopped.

911 immediately responded assisting the three of them as well as those who suffered from injuries because of the blast. While being tended from behind the ambulance, a tall red-headed lady with a slick leather jacket introduced herself to them, flashing her INTERPOL badge.

"Hi. I'm sorry you got caught on the crossfire." she apologized, her tone was strict yet calming.

"Aye. It's alright ma'am. We're kinda used to it." John chuckled and Francine nodded. 

"This is kind of my case. Can I ask you for details surrounding the event that just happened?" she blindly fished her notebook and pen from her back pocket and the duo honestly told their story.

"Oh. Thank you very much. um Mr and Mrs…?"

the two of them looked at each other.

"Oh no no no. You've got it all wrong maam!" Francine quickly interrupted.

"Aye. There's no way I'd ask this woman out." John added causing them to argue and bicker like old people.

"Okay Okay. I'll address this differently. You two don't have to fight, okay?" she scolded as she answered her already ringing phone.

~

The sun was already setting when they drove back to the base. The ride was cold and quiet and the two of them didn't say a word after they bickered back at the city. Soap momentarily checks in on her while driving but France just crossed her arms and blasted music through her earphones.

John tried to talk to her about it but he hesitated, her body language was enough to tell him that she didn't need any bothering from him today, or maybe ever. So instead of saying words, he quickly turned to a small path just before the Base's entrance and drove seriously.

"Hey hey hey Mister, where are you bringing me?!" She motioned to eject herself from the car by detaching herself from the seatbelts.

"Oi Oi! Calm down. I just thought you needed a breather." he hit the brakes. They were at a small elevated area just below the river that ran behind their base. Francine slowly calmed herself down enjoying the beautiful view as John exited his jeep and walked to a tree stump.

He sat down and faced the river, the moon illuminated his hair and half of his face while France slowly descended from her seat and looked at his blue eye glow as the moonlight hit his face. 

"Cigars aren't allowed at the base. And we're still technically outside." he winked and offered her a light, a sneaky smirk escaped from his perfectly shaped mouth. 

Francine gulped.

"I don't smoke. Thanks." she gestured a no at the Scot and slowly walked toward him as soon as he turned back.

"Mmhmm.. Suit yourself." he teased as he huffed the cigar and released smoke from his mouth, pouting his lips and looked up at the sky. Francine fell quiet, but she could hear her heart thumping, telling her to say the words she wanted to say the moment they met. But she hesitated, there's no time for admiration in the middle of war. She inhaled deeply and sighed.

"This view looks spectacular." she mused, John just chuckled and puffed another breath of smoke.

"What's with you women and beautiful landscapes? Sometimes I don't get it. Like, it's just water and the sky." he complained. Francine smiled telling herself that it's a different view she was referring to. 

'The spectacular view I'm referring to is you, John MacTavish.' she smiled and told herself.

Task Force 141 Base - Lobby

Soap and France just got back inside the base and Shepherd was already looking for them. Word has it that their involvement from events that occurred earlier today alerted the General and called them into briefing.

"Agent Ryder, I believe you've already acquainted yourself with these two members of the force?" Shepherd introduced.

"Yes. It's Mr. MacTavish and Ms. Winters." the redhead nodded to them as a greeting.

"Good." The general seated himself and let the Agent begin talking.

"The case earlier was that of a Jane Doe, an American who used her phone to create a long lasting EMP blast capable of destroying nearby signal receptors at a set range. Coincidentally, one of your members also reported a bigger machine capable of doing bigger blasts back in Germany. While this may be purely coincidental, the interpol assigned me to further investigate this phenomenon as part of my job as Anti-Terror Weapon Division." she briefed, Shepherd had already talked to his higher ups and they already assigned her as part of a joint operation. 

"Furthermore, Our team wants to quickly eradicate traces of such weapons in order to restore peace and order across Europe." she added. Soap nodded in agreement, he was one of the few ones who witnessed the weapon's power and would like to take part in destroying such machinery. 

"Well Ms. Ryder. We have already discussed this. Welcome to the 141. These two will escort you around, make sure you feel comfortable and well fed with all the data you need." he muttered and shook hands with her. She nodded and thanked him as Soap and France gave her a quick tour of the base.

The tour consisted of mostly France talking, she actually got close with Agent Ryder quickly, and Soap was just there following like a dog. And he hates dogs.

"It's good to have someone like you in a place full of men. It eases off the pressure." the Agent thanked her as they dropped her off her quarters. France smiled and held her hand.

"Don't worry. These men may look tough, but then you get to know them, they're actually sweeter than us. Right, Soap?" she turned to him. 

"What are you talking about?" he easily dismissed rolling his eyes, looking everywhere but their direction.

"See?!" France giggled and Agent Ryder laughed along.

"It's a pleasure to be part of this team. Call me Alexandra. Alexandra Ryder." She said.

"Welcome to the 141, Alexandra." France shook hers and smiled. It may feel like a simple handshake but Soap felt that it was going to be an alliance that's going to last for a long time.

Next Chapter : A surPRICE Visit

Notification Squad, my beloved

@samatedeansbroccoli @smokeywhalee @enderio @whimsywispsblog @ricinbach @beemybee

#horRAYfic #codmw #john soap mactavish #john price #gary roach sanderson #simon ghost riley #alex echo 3 1 #ah yes denial #my favorite trope

[the-trashy-phoenix]

Supernatural season 1 review (part 2)

Link to part 1:

The good thing about deciding to rewatch a show that I started five years ago is that I barely remember what happens in the first seasons. I know of course the big events, but if you asked me how each episode ends I wouldn't know how to respond, so watching it for the second time, in some ways, has been like watching it for the first time. What really changed about it is the fact that now I know what happens later in the other seasons, I know who the protagonists will become and what they will struggle with and I myself am different from the 15-year-old I was while watching it for the first time.

Five years ago I liked season 1, but I couldn't say it was one of my favourites, mostly because of the lack of interaction the two brothers have with any other important character. Yes, they have their father (who I'll talk about later) and in the last episode there's also Bobby (at that point, during the rewatch, I thought he would have never made an appearance in the first season, fortunately I was wrong), but besides them they just have each other throughout the entire season. As I rewatched it the feeling remained the same, but I think I have enjoyed this season more than I did before. Was it because I was already passionate about them? Or because I know it sets up the basics of the show and introduces some links to the next seasons? Or because, knowing already what would happen, I could focus on each episode more? One thing I noticed indeed is that these first episodes have a good storyline, besides the main one (which is not that complex if you compare it with the ones that come next): the little plots are interesting and quite original, and even if I already knew that the two boys would make it I'd still be very anxious about what would eventually happen to them. Later in the most recent seasons I couldn't get the same feeling about the episodes that revolved around a specific case, but I think the main reason why I couldn't get as involved is because the main plot becomes way more important than the single case and obviously the attention of the show is totally shifted to it (but I still think there are lots of great single episodes in the most recent seasons).

Now I feel like I need to talk about the characters. When I watched the show for the first time I didn't really love John Winchester, but now that I rewatched it, supposedly more conscious, I can't stand him. You can see he has good intentions: he loves Sam and Dean and he wants to protect them. The thing that just makes me dislike him is the fact that he does it in the wrong way. He's not a good father, even if he cares about them: who would let their children by themselves to go hunting and maybe to never come back? Who would let his oldest child become the father and mother figure for his younger brother just because they couldn't do it themselves? Who would let his child start hunting when he's too young to even hold a weapon? Who wouldn't answer the phone when they know their children might think they're dead? And who claims they want to protect their children and yet sends them on hunts? The fight he had with Sam before his son went to college seems the least disturbing thing to me.

Talking about Sam, I think he's the one I like the most in this season. First of all he doesn't give a shit about his dad's opinion and we love it, second of all he has all of the good reasons to do it: why would he listen to someone who had prioritised his desire for revenge over his love for his children? I also adore the fact that he doesn't follow his father's rules until he knows their purpose, almost as if he doesn't trust him completely, meanwhile I feel like he would follow Dean's plans more easily without questioning them. The separation from his father seems to me a good thing for Sam, since I feel like he has also detached from some of John's principles that I wouldn't agree with (I'm mostly talking about the boss-attitude he has towards the boys and the extremely masculine side he priorities for himself and for his children, but there could be other things we don't necessarily see that have shaped his most attached child's personality and prospective, just saying). Overall you can tell this first season was more focused on Sam than on Dean. He is the different brother, the rebellious one, and the one who also has psychics ability (which I totally forgot about by the way, as long with his justified obsession for Jessica's loss, which apparently is a thing that still goes on in the last season). Dean at first on the other hand could seem like the ideal child for a person like their father.

Since I've watched this show Dean has always been my favourite character. I don't really know what made me fall in love, since I usually can't stand people who have his type of personality (especially the personality he has in the first season). I think what makes me like him the most, apart from his beautiful appearance, is the fact that, while Sam's character is already exposed and has already shown a lot of depth, Dean’s one is kept somehow in the surface (probably because Sam seems the real protagonist): we see him as the classical masculine guy who just wants to go hunting, drive his car and fuck some ladies (which, I mean, isn't entirely wrong, and I think nowadays the last point, portrayed as it was in Supernatural, would be considered extremely rude and with every right to do it), but at the same time there are tiny moments when he lets us see his others sides which he tries desperately to hide deeply. And what he tries to hide the most are, of course, his feelings: his love for his brother and his family, his fear of losing the people he cares about and even his love (or deeply affection) towards Cassie (a girl I completely forgot about, again, and that I really liked, especially for the name). I feel like what sculpted Dean and made him the boy he was in the first season was mostly his father: he was the man Dean has always tried to copy and follow, and it's not surprising at all that this is who he became. He pictures himself as a soldier who has to hunt in order to please his father and as a big brother whose only purpose is to make sure his little brother is okay. Don't get me wrong, these traits are important to this character, but I think there is much more to know about him.

And this is what really intrigues me about Dean; his complexity, his contraddictions and his constant torment between what he thinks he should do and what he really wants to do. Speaking of that, I really love when, during his dad and Sam's fights, he tries to calm them down, showing his care for them, but at the end of the day he stays on Sam's side, proving he will eventually always protect him.

And that leads us to the last thing I want to talk about in this already eternal review: the two brothers. They're what carries most of the show and all of season one (because, let's be honest, when you understand their father is being a dick you stop to care about what happens to him).

I love their relationship; it's not perfect at all, especially in the first seasons. They lie to each other, they fight, they keep secrets from themselves, they prank each other (which is the best thing they do), but they love each other endlessly, and you can tell it from the start: they would do anything for the other one (that doesn't mean I ship them though) and the other's well-being is the first thing that matters to them. After all you can already tell this show is mainly about the two brothers' relationship (although I think there is also much more to look forward to).

- Carly 💚

#supernatural #spn #sam winchester #dean winchester #john winchester #sam #dean #supernatural season one #Supernatural season one review #supernatural review #spn review #destiel #i mean not really #But I still ship them #I can't wait to rewatch season four #And I can't stand Dean's obsession with girls #I totally forgot about it #I wonder why

[kayclau]

Damian/Helena sibling rivalry AU

Ok, I've been holding on to this for a while now. And in honor of pride month, I'm gonna let it out for all of you here.

I headcanon Damian Wayne as non-binary. Specifically agender.

It all started with a desire. I wanted Damian and Helena to be siblings from the same universe, about the same age, constantly fighting over who gets to be Robin each night. And the other one can be the other Batman sidekick, Batgirl.

But then, I struggled to make it work, because while Robin has being played by at least 3 different girls, Helena being one of them, there are no precedents of a male batgirl, for what seemed like obvious reasons.

So I tried to find a solution, a replacement. Batboy wasn't an option, Damian had made that explicit in Batman and Robin annual 1 and I wanted to keep that.

Actually, it all started with the idea of Damian dressing up as Batman when Bruce isn't around, but now Helena accompanies him as Robin. And that evolved into this because she also wants to be Batman when Bruce isn't around and to stop the fighting the decided to take turns. And then I thought that they should do that all the time with the Robin mantle as well. And then I realized that Helena can be Batgirl while waiting for her turn, but what can Damian be?

So I had nothing. But then, I asked myself, "well, hang on a second. Would Damian actually care?"

I mean, work with me for a second. I'm trying to come up with a story that would interest me. And for Damian, that would be a story in which he has to work through his superiority complex. He thinks he's better than anybody, he hates everyone that isn't his parents and he thinks he has the birth right to the mantle of the Batman. But here's Helena, who's at most a year older than him, but is newer to the batfam than him. What would Damian think of this situation?

Well, he showed up first, but she's older. He sees the Robin mantle as the promise of one day becoming Batman, something he thinks he deserves by blood, but Helena is also blood, and she is older. But he's more skilled than her! But if that's all he got he'll have to prove it. Which means that he'll have to accept and take turns with Helena. The winner get to be Robin forever and the future Batman and the loser is Batgirl and, basically, the second ranked sidekick, the one who is under Batman's care, but will never inherit the mantle. From Damian's point of view. And Helena's too, let's not kid ourselves around here. I'm centering this around Damian because that's where it had the issue, be she's as much of a character in this story as him.

But there I was with the problem again, what should Damian be when he's not being Robin?

And at some point I started to play with the idea of him being okay being Batgirl. "Would that make sense for his character?" I thought. And then, I answered to myself "sure, why not? There's no reason for Damian to look women down in particular. My Damian will not be sexist. He hates everyone equally!" So he shouldn't see this as a humiliation or degradation.

Besides, he was raiced by the League of Assassins, which was ruled by his mother which he also believes he deserves by birth right. Until he doesn't want it anymore after being part of the bat-family for long enough.

But that didn't mean he would be okay with carrying the Batgirl outfit. I still needed a reason for him to not care to wear it for gendered reasons.

And then I realized "I can make Damian non-binary!" problem solved! Now, when he shows up in the Batgirl outfit for the first time, Helena can say something like, "that's not what I thought when we decided to take turns." to which Damian could say "well I'm not changing! If you're gonna be Robin tonight, I'll be Batgirl!"

And she'll say "Don't you have to be a girl to be Batgirl?" and he responds "It didn't matter with the Boy Wonder, I see no reason I can't be Batgirl. Maybe Batgirl is the true successor to Batman, she is the only one of his pupils to be also a bat after all." (because, you know, he's a little narcissistic, so he has to feel like he won anyways) "What about Batwing?" "His international affiliations don't count. They aren't his sidekicks, they're his colleagues."

All of this, just so Dick becomes Batman first.

Now, how would their customes be like?

The Robin part was easy, it could be a redisign of their original customes.

But Batgirl? None of them have ever be Batgirl before.

I could take inspiration from Bertinelli's for Helena, since their basically the same character. But we're talking about an 11 year old Helena and I don't have a base for that. I don't know if there are any comics with her that young.

So I thought I would be better to start from scratch. Taking inspiration from every Batgirl and from every other costume they've wore before. And then I saw this little jewel.

Damian's Batgirl costume must have a skirt. And Helena's must not.

Also, since Helena is Selina's daughter. Her Batgirl costume should be more akin to her while her Robin is closer to Bruce.

Maybe I can play with that as well. Damian's Robin has a lot of the League of Assassins essence in it, maybe his Batgirl can be completely detached from them. Maybe closer to his Batman outfit, just a little more femenized.

Take out the coat, keep the cape, replace the big gloves and boots for something more slim and add the skirt and we're ready with Damian. Maybe make his hear visible.

That's all I've got for now.

I hope you liked this silly idea I couldn't get out of my head. I want an AU with Damian and Helena as siblings fighting over who is Robin and who is Batgirl and Damian is also non-binary.

#Batman #batfam #bat family #Batman AU #batman and robin #Robin and batgirl #damian wayne #helena wayne #Non-binary #Agender #Non-binary headcanon #nonbinary character #nonbinary #nonbinary headcanon #nb character

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Review #91: Sister

Written by Xiaoying You, Directed by Ruoxin Yin

Sister immediately caught my attention for two reasons: It's an Asian film, and it's about family. After watching the trailer, I knew I had to go see it at the cinemas. There seemed to be aspects of it that I really liked - family members unable to love each other with nobody specific to blame. I really wanted to know how the characters would resolve that. And so I went to see it.

I was disappointed and not invested maybe a third of the film. I was slowly won over during two-thirds of the film, then by the end, I was bawling. Really. And the film remained with me for a while after that too.

The reason I wasn't invested at first was, I think, pretty simple. The main character was such a biatch. Yes, I understood her - she had enough reasons to be that biatch, but nobody actually wants to see the main character really be one. We could all see why she hated her brother and why she felt she wasn't responsible. We could all see that she wasn't loved as much as her brother was while her parents were alive. We could all see that her family members were also inconsiderate, pushing her to take care of her little brother despite the abuse she herself had gone through. We could also see that her brother was being a pain from time to time, and that she had her own life and her own plans - she was smart and wanted to be a doctor and also get married to her long-term boyfriend.

BUT. But despite all that, the second most important character is a little boy. A child. Moreover, he's a child who has just lost both parents. He doesn't even know what death means, what grief means, and here he is thrown around like a soccer ball, from heartless person to heartless person. And nobody wants to keep him. I just couldn't empathize with the main character when here was a child who was being forced to live through grief and constant abandonment by himself. Like what the fuck? Maybe I was even more angry because I have a little brother with around the same age difference. I don't think I could ever give my brother up to adoption regardless of whatever happened between me and my parents. Hating parents is one thing, abandoning a child is another.

Also, that child just went through something incredibly traumatic that even adults struggle with. Of course he needs more care and attention during this time. But he doesn't get it (in fact he gets the exact opposite, right in front of his face) and you're surprised and angry that he's acting out? That's his way of crying out for help. And what does the sister do? Become a biatch, that's what.

I just honestly could not empathize with her. And this lack of empathy and relatability made it initially very hard to become immersed in the film. I constantly found myself empathizing with the little brother instead and feeling really sorry for him. It really didn't help that he was a child. Children already have the image of being helpless and weak, and the film put that child in an even more vulnerable situation with a sister who literally wants to abandon him and overtly hates him. Like, come on.

This sister slowly starts changing as the film progresses. It's true that the beginning of the film may have been more realistic than others. The sister had issues she had to resolve within herself and the film may have just shown that in the most dirtiest and realest way possible, with no sugar coating. If that's what the film intended, I gotta say it succeeded. I'm just glad I stuck with it because it was incredibly cathartic seeing the sister heal herself as the film goes on. It surely doesn't happen immediately though, which I loved. It took quite a long time (which is probably why the film is over two hours long), but it was time well-spent, and more realistic too.

The sister goes back and forth many times, but that makes it even more real. There are moments when she advocates for her brother and takes care of him, and then the next moment she's back to wanting her own life and giving him up to adoption. The back-and-forth movements become more and more dramatic as time goes on, and the sister finds it harder and harder to emotionally detach herself from her brother. The film does all of this gradually, which is one of its strongest points. It reflects real life better.

A standout scene for me is when the sister goes to visit her brother after sitting her exams, and she finds her brother playing mahjong with a damn cigarette tucked behind his ear. I honestly gasped at that scene, and would have reacted exactly the same way the sister did - yell and scream at the uncle and drag little brother out of there. We're then led to a really heartwarming scene where the sister bathes her brother at the apartment during golden hour, sunlight pouring through the glass. I'm trying to remember the dialogue during that scene. I'm sure it was something really warm.

What I also loved was how, even after this heartwarming scene, the sister still decides to leave to Beijing. It felt way more realistic than some other family movies where it doesn't take much for the person to give up their desires for the younger being. It's shown during another standout scene where the siblings lie in bed, having a talk before going to sleep. The little brother asks her if she still wants to go to Beijing and why. The sister answers honestly and we can all tell that she really dreams of this life that she's planned out. The sad thing is that the brother is included in that 'we'. I didn't know during that scene, but in the following scenes, I realised that he understood exactly what his sister wanted.

It was really crazy how the little brother left his sister on his own accord and gave himself up to adoption just so his sister could pursue her dreams. As much as I loved that beat, I found myself seriously wondering: is that realistic? That a six year old boy would be that deeply sacrificial? He's probably the most sacrificial and loving character in the film, even more than his sister. It was a great beat though, one of the best in the movie. It was heartbreaking seeing him cry, unable to tell his sister why he chose to leave her. It was like a drama scene where one of the leads forces themselves to leave their partner and be all noble and sacrificial. Still not sure if it's realistic for a six year old to do that though. It's kind of sad even thinking of it. A child doing something even most adults wouldn't do. The brother really had to grow up and mature at a super young age. It's sad. I wonder what kind of teenager and adult he will be in the future. I hope he gets to resolve the hurts inside of him too as he grows up.

And so the sister actually buys the ticket for Beijing and prepares to leave. Again, I loved this. I loved how the film took us till the very end of the end before resolving things. The film really made us believe the sister would leave. And to be honest, I understood her and didn't blame her for deciding to pursue her dreams. I sat there wondering how they would actually resolve things. The ending scene is definitely one of my favourites, maybe even the favourite. I loved how the sister was given an ultimatum: you can leave, but if you leave, you've gotta sign the paper to say you'll never come to see your brother ever again. It was a great choice. There was so much at risk on both sides. It was a moment where I genuinely wasn't sure what she would do - I knew she loved both her brother and her dream and held both of them dearly. Both of them were precious.

I held my breath when she hesitated, pen hovering over the paper. Then she throws the pen down and runs out to her brother, and when her little brother turns to her, his eyes are full of tears. My heart. My heart. My damn heart! I bawled there, the tears just flowed. The brother had been pretending to be okay and holding all tears back, thinking that his sister would feel bad if she saw him cry and she'd give up her dreams. That's just too much for a six year old, I swear. He finally lets it out when he knows she still wants and loves him. That was both incredibly painful and cathartic to watch. What an amazing climax and resolution.

I also liked how the sister resolved her own deep issues before finally going back to her brother. I believe it's shown in the scene where she visits her parents' grave on the rainy day and cries to them. There was a hint of the start of her healing when she cries and lets out her honest feelings during night in front of her parents' pictures. The rainy day she rips the paper and is again honest to her parents' grave, is a great scene. I also loved the part where she comes down the stairs, and it's a long shot with rainwater flooding down the steps like a beautiful waterfall. It made me want to film something like that in the future. Felt like things were being washed away.

So yes, I started off not liking the film because of how unlikable the main character was (they're allowed to have negative qualities, but I honestly believe there needs to be something that makes the audience identify with them or empathize with them, just something that makes the audience root for them) and her treatment of her brother. I know it was done that way to show her gradual change, but I still do think it could have been done a little differently. Because, even with her treatment of her brother aside, I didn't really like her as a person and had trouble understanding her. She seemed really tantrum-ey at points. But as the film went on, I warmed up to her and the gradual change took place. She was still herself with her own desires even while growing to love her brother, which I loved. She learned to balance things out, and I hope she continued to pursue her dreams even without going to Beijing, with her brother by her side.

I find that this film presented a different image of 'sacrifice', and that it was saying that different image was okay too. You don't have to fully give yourself up for someone. You can still have your own life and that's okay. By the end, none of her family members guilt-trip her about looking after her brother, which I really liked. It's pretty rare for Asian families to not do that guilt-tripping thing. But her aunt did it. Her aunt, who seemed to be the most guilt-tripping person, let her go in the end and told her that it was okay, that not everyone fits that image of sacrifice perfectly, like the Russian dolls. I think that actually enabled the sister to go back to her brother later on. Sometimes you have to let people go to get them back.

#review