#but i just think its interesting how kevins interest is exy and neils is kevin and exy and andrews is neil and kevin and as a result its ex | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dayurno · 4 months

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do you have any thoughts about the way thea was handled? ever since nora has been more active on twt (and mentioned the hate thea gets) people have been sort of insistent about Always Having Liked Her Actually and it irks me a lot, because imo people SHOULD be upset at the fact that kevin (who has been abused all his life and has trauma regarding the nest) has a gf who's from that same environment but 1. doesn't seem all that concerned about getting better / helping kevin get better 2. shouts at him in the only scene they're in together 3. isn't even described as a particularly good presence in the extra content explaining their past 4. this is just a horrible cherry on top but she's 5 years older and they met when he was 14 :/// like if anything i think this has a lot to do with nora not having been kind to kevin (which she also recently admitted to) like damn can he get one thing in life that's just good for him. one safe haven. jesus

short answer: i think thea as a character has been done the worst by nora sakavic, and the lack of care she was shown is in line with how all for the game treats its other characters of color.

long answer: most of my thoughts about how thea was handled are less about thea the character itself and more about her throwaway appearance and the overall lack of interest the author had when writing her. thea's a widely hated character for many reasons, not all of them valid, and a big one is that she was shoved into the narrative at one of the very last few chapters and paired up with one of the most important characters with very little thought or effort. we don't get even a hint of her existance before her appearance, and her one scene does not gather her sympathy because what we know of her is that she's an unrepentant raven (arguably the series' most evident villains) and what we see of her is a moment of great anger, that, even if ignorant, mimics the hostility most of the other ravens had towards kevin/the foxes during the trilogy

this is all to say: i don't like the way thea was written, and i think, especially, that it was a bad optic to write a black woman whose only scene is her being hostile towards her love interest. i need you to know that i'm not saying thea was not right to be angry, or that thea should've flown in and nursed kevin's mental health as soon as she could — both because it's out of character and because it's ridiculous —, but i am saying that she was not afforded almost anything as a character, in both terms of humanity and screentime. this is nothing new with how aftg treats its characters of color, and it is very telling that the characters who get the most flack (namely nicky and thea and riko) are the core of the non-white cast. thea and riko are not afforded complexity; nicky is a constantly flamboyant brown man whose only purpose is to wrangle his cousins and deliver friendship-related one liners to neil. this is why nora sakavic's refusal to comment on them grates on me, and why the new wave of adoration for the series with no nuance suffocates all of the real criticism done by fans of color in the last ten years.

and here's a personal answer: thea's future breaks my heart just as much as kevin's does, because she is also a victim of cultist mentality, and she never breaks out of it. i have no doubts in my heart that the nest was cruel to her, and her unflinching loyalty to the ravens until the end saddens me because it is a terrible existence when all is said and done. thea will not play exy forever, and by the time she has to retire, she will be just as miserable as kevin was. i don't know if she'll ever acknowledge how awful the ravens were either to her or to kevin — i don't know if she'll *want* to, because it is hard to do all that work, and it will leave her deeply scarred to realize most of it was not necessary to her sucess —, but i hope she does, and i hope that on that day, she will be able to decide for herself where to go from there.

#re: kevthea i dont think their relationship would be terrible but it would not stand for long #and i think kevin is as much of a comfortable choice for her as she is for him #but that is about as personal of an opinion as when i think kevallison wouldn't work well together #what i wish for thea is a better writer and a better fandom and a better series #but as i cannot change this i will tell u that thinking about how badly she was handled upsets me #and i hope (pray) that she finds a better man than kevin. who is probably not so obsessed with exy. and who could help her deal with #what kevin could not help her with #welcome to the world of the living theodora muldani!#asks #thea #kevin #kevthea

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mostlymaudlin · 2 years

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memories (T), 900 words

Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard

author's note: is it silly? is it angsty? who is to say.

The Palmetto State administration has taken a real interest in the Exy team this year. Neil, who sat through a meeting listening to the school’s leadership decide if his trauma was too problematic for the school’s image, thinks this is pretty rich. But regardless, each player leaves practice the night before their first home game with “swag bags” full of random school spirit items.

When they get back to the dorms — banished by Wymack from returning for night practice — Andrew and Kevin toss theirs toward the trash can. Kevin disappears into the bedroom, and Andrew lights a cigarette by the window.

Neil sits on the other end of the desk and dumps the contents of his bag between them. There’s an insulated water bottle, boxy looking headphones, a bottle opener, a fox-shaped stress ball, a T-shirt, giant sunglasses, various noisemakers. There’s also some sort of bright orange, tube-shaped instrument. Neil turns it in his hands, noting the mouthpiece and the line of holes along its side.

“A plastic flute?” Neil wonders.

Andrew snorts. “You’re so uncultured. That looks nothing like a flute.”

Neil raises an eyebrow, and Andrew trades him his cigarette for the instrument. He inspects it for a moment before fitting his fingers over the holes and bringing it to his lips. There’s a harsh whistle, then Andrew readjusts his fingers and plays the melody of Ode to Joy.

Neil laughs when Andrew finishes and tosses the instrument to his lap, plucking his cigarette out of Neil’s hand.

“Why do you know how to play that?” Neil asks.

“If you’d gone to public school, you’d know too,” Andrew says, turning to blow smoke out the window.

“You met me at the public school I attended,” Neil points out, and Andrew shakes his head.

“Elementary school,” Andrew says, and Neil has no argument — he was home-schooled through his upbringing in Baltimore. “Recorders are cheap and simple to learn, and elementary schools are required to provide some kind of music education.”

It’s strange to imagine Andrew at that age. Andrew does not talk about his childhood, so Neil doesn’t know much. He’s hit with a wave of desperation, though — he wants to know what Andrew was like twelve, ten, five years ago. He wants to know what formed the man in front of him. He wants to make sure there were some bright spots — he can’t stand the thought that Andrew would have no good memories at all from growing up. Even Neil has some good memories.

“That sounds… fun,” Neil tries. Andrew shrugs, shifting his gaze to the windows, and Neil thinks that’s that. He’s working on shoving his burning curiosity down when Andrew sighs.

“My fourth grade class played the national anthem at an Oakland Athletics game,” he says. “We were terrible.”

“You sounded pretty good,” Neil says, poking Andrew’s knee with the recorder.

“I couldn’t carry them all.”

“Seems familiar,” Neil says. “So you’ve always been effortlessly good at everything you do?”

Andrew shoots Neil a look. “Not this. I practiced.”

Neil stills at the significance of this admission — at the vision of a young Andrew who cared about something enough to try. It’s an effort to keep the turmoil stirring in his chest off his face. Andrew studies him for a moment, then takes another drag of his cigarette and looks out the window.

“My foster parents at the time worked a lot, so it was just me and this other kid at the house most of the time. She was a few years younger than me. I made a deal with her that if she stopped trying to steal my recorder, I’d play for her every night before bed.”

Andrew’s voice is flat, his face blank, but there’s a distant look in his eyes. Neil waits to see if Andrew will continue, but instead he stubs out his cigarette and slams the window shut.

Neil pokes Andrew with the instrument again, this time at his shoulder. Andrew narrows his eyes at him.

“Play another song?” Neil asks.

“There are better things I could be doing with my mouth.”

Neil’s pulse jumps at that, but he tamps it down for later. “I liked listening to you play.”

“I only know Ode to Joy and the Star-Spangled Banner,” Andrew says. “Are you feeling patriotic?"

“I could muster the spirit,” Neil says.

Andrew rolls his eyes, but his lips twitch. He swipes the recorder out of Neil’s hands and brings it to his mouth, closing his eyes.

As he plays, Neil tries to imagine it: Andrew, but smaller. Softer. Already introduced to humanity’s worst, but not yet conquered by it. He imagines this Andrew closing his eyes and playing on a baseball field surrounded by other children, or at the foot of a younger girl’s bed.

Andrew finishes the song, then chucks the recorder vaguely in the direction of a bean bag chair. He frowns when he meets Neil’s eyes.

“Stop that,” Andrew says, gesturing to Neil’s face.

Neil tamps down on a smile and shrugs. “I’m just proud to be an American.”

Andrew swings his legs over Neil’s pile of treasures and hops off the desk. Neil assumes Andrew has reached his limit for the night, but he feels a tug on the sleeve of his sweatshirt. He lets Andrew guide him into the bathroom. His fingers stay gripped in Neil’s shirt as he turns on the shower — he uses that grip to push Neil back against the counter as the water warms up.

“I hate you,” Andrew whispers, then pulls Neil down into a kiss.

#i did intend for this to be silly but unfortunately they are them #my writing #aftg fic #aftg #flash #andreil

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chronically-peach · 1 year

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why am I like this?

Kevin, Andrew and Neil (platonic) Rated G. 1.7k words.

Kevin is standing in the middle of the court when the feeling of loneliness hits him like a freight train. It’s well past midnight and he’s alone at the court. Silence looms over the building like a threat and Kevin can hear his own ragged breathing like it’s being amplified over the court’s speaker system.

After Riko’s death Neil and Andrew stopped coming to late night practices. Kevin promised himself he didn’t need them, Neil had just been there to practice and Andrew was only there to uphold his side of their deal. He didn’t need someone with him all the time anymore. Andrew’s job was done. He stopped Kevin from going back to the nest and their deal had long since ended. He knew that but sometimes he forgot; catching himself going to text Neil to come meet him outside. Sometimes he caught himself looking for a head of blonde hair and a body leaned against the Maserati. Kevin swore he didn’t need anyone but sometimes his heart ached too much to brush off and he questioned if he was meant to be alone forever.

Tossing his racquet to the side Kevin slowly drops to his knees, letting the suffocating feeling of loneliness overtake him. His mind wanders to his time with Andrew before Neil showed up. They were never friends, Kevin and Andrew didn’t have friends. It was against their nature, monsters don’t make friends, or so Kevin thought. Then came Neil and everything he thought he knew was tilted on its head. Andrew and Neil were friends, lovers. They were everything to each other. That meant Kevin was alone again.

Growing up in the nest Kevin didn’t know what lonely was. He didn’t understand that you could be lonely in a room full of people. It wasn’t until he escaped the nest and had to leave Jean behind did he realize the emotion he had been feeling for most of his life had been loneliness.

He often caught himself watching the team and their friendships. Matt and Dan had each other but they also had the rest of the foxes. Allison had Renee and Renee had Andrew. Andrew had Neil and Renee, and even though he would never admit it he had Nicky and Aaron as well. Neil had everyone, except maybe Aaron, though they seemed to tolerate each other more lately. Aaron had Katelyn and Nicky. Nicky had the other foxes, even if he tended to get on everyone’s nerves. That left Kevin on the outskirts.

Sure, he spent time with them. It was hard not to when they basically all lived together but he never felt wanted or needed. He knew his presence wouldn’t be missed if he was to up and leave in the middle of everyone hanging out. If anything they would probably be relieved, Kevin never brought much to the table in terms of conversation. He wasn’t kind like Renee or funny like Matt. He wasn’t loveable like Neil or even tolerable like Nicky. Kevin was the queen, cold and unapproachable and cruel. Kevin was a drill Sargent that didn’t know how to have fun and never laughed. His only interests were Exy and history. He was a cry baby with a god complex. Kevin was the personification of every negative personality trait he could think of.

He’s not sure how long he knelt there, his mind racing with thoughts of how nobody would miss him if he was gone. The voice in his head sounded exactly like Riko and for a moment it felt like he never left the nest. He was still at Evermore, knelt in front of Riko as the king reminded him of exactly how little he would be missed if he were to be killed.

Kevin didn’t hear the court door opening and closing behind him. It wasn’t until cold hands were gently brushing his cheeks that he snapped out of the state he was in. Blinking slowly he remembered where he was. It was late, he was at the court. He was practicing alone. He wasn’t at the nest, Riko was dead. He was safe.

The cold hands moved to his hair and started slowly petting his head. When his eyes focused he recognized Neil’s bright blue eyes and scarred cheek but there was something wrong. The redhead’s lips were pinched in a tight line and his body rigid.

“Neil? What are you doing here?” Kevin asked, his throat burned and he wondered just how long it had been since he last drank something.

“Kev, oh thank god.” Neil’s expression softened and he looked above Kevin’s head at something. “Drew, he’s back.”

Slowly looking behind him Kevin could make out the shape of Andrew a few feet away, his phone to his ear. This made Kevin even more confused, why were they here?

Looking back at Neil he scowled. “Neil come on, what’s going on? Why are you both here right now?”

The redhead laced his fingers in Kevin’s hair once again and looked down at him dumbfounded. “You seriously don’t know? Kevin you never came home. We were worried.”

“I was just practicing, god Neil you’re not usually the worrying type. What’s the big deal? So I practiced a little longer than usual, no biggie.”

Neil rolled his eyes, annoyance spreading across his face. “What time do you think it is?” He asked, exasperated.

“It can’t be any later than 1:30, maybe 2:00 at the latest.” This caused Neil’s eyes to turn dark as he called out to Andrew again.

Kevin could sense Andrew behind him before he spoke. “Wymack said he’s almost here, Abby is coming too. She said to keep him where he is for now.”

“Wait, I’m confused. What the hell is going on? You called my dad and Abby? I’m not a fucking kid guys.”

“It’s quarter to 5 Kev. Neil woke up and realized you never came back to the dorm. We called you and got no answer so we came to check on you. We found you where you are now, completely out of it. We couldn’t get you back from wherever you were so we called Wymack.”

Realization washed over Kevin as the reality set in. He was stuck in his own head for hours, alone on the court in a complete state of disassociation.

Looking first at Andrew and then back at Neil he couldn’t help but feel conflicted. Surely they weren’t worried about him, Neil simply saw he wasn’t in bed and went to look for him out of curiosity. There was no way his roommates cared that much. They called his dad because someone had to deal with him. He was always causing problems, of course they’d want to pass him off to his dad.

“I’m sorry for making you come out here for me. I’ll be fine, just a little tired I guess. Go back to the dorm, I’ll wait for my dad and Abby, maybe stay at his apartment for a few days to rest.”

Andrew made a dissatisfied grunt at Kevin’s words, softly flicking him in the back of the head. “Are you seriously an idiot Kevin? We’re not leaving you until your dad and Abby get here.”

Neil’s hand moved from Kevin’s hair down to his chin, gently grabbing it between two fingers he tilted Kevin’s head so they were making eye contact.

“Why would we leave you Kev? What kind of friends would we be if we did that?”

Before the words could set in Kevin’s eyes filled with tears. He willed them to stop but they still threatened to spill over so he tore his face from Neil’s grip and looked down at the ground. Friends. Neil had called them friends.

“Friends? Since when are we friends?” Kevin asked, his bottom lip trembling with every word. “I thought we were teammates.”

Neil’s voice was full of sadness when he spoke. “Jesus Christ Kev of course we’re friends. I thought you knew that.”

“Do you think I would just hangout with you if we weren’t friends?” Andrew asked, the apathy from earlier now gone from his tone.

“W-well I don’t know. I never really thought about it. Why would you be friends with me? Our deal is over, you don’t need to interact with me more than necessary.”

Neil slowly stood and Andrew took his place in front of Kevin, his hands hovering just above the nape of the taller man’s neck. “Yes or no queenie?”

“Yes.” Kevin breathed, the tears finally escaping from his eyes.

Andrew’s grip on his neck was firm but comforting. Kevin had seen him do this with Neil countless times, usually in the middle of the night when the redhead wakes them both up with a nightmare. Andrew’s tenderness was foreign to Kevin but he wanted to devote this moment to memory. The loneliness that had consumed him earlier was long since crushed beneath the strength of Andrew’s calloused palm and for the first time since he escaped the nest he felt safe.

They stayed like that in silence until the sound of Wymack and Abby entering the court echoed through the gym. Andrew released his grip on Kevin and stood up, moving a few feet away to stand with Neil so Abby and Wymack had room to get to Kevin.

After Abby deemed him healthy and free to go his dad clamped a hand over Kevin’s shoulder, squeezing tightly. “You know you’re more than welcome to come and stay with me but I won’t argue if you want to go back to the dorm with Minyard and Josten.”

Looking over at his roommates Kevin’s heart swelled. He felt warm from the inside out, the aching loneliness that had caused this whole mess was gone. In its place was a warmth Kevin hadn’t felt since before his mom died. He felt whole again.

“I’ll go with those two, I think we have some stuff to talk about. Thank you dad, seriously. And Abby too.” His dad squeezed his shoulder once more before leaving the court with Abby. Once they were gone Neil started walking around, collecting the balls littering the court floor.

“Help me clean these up so we can go back to the dorm. You need sleep, you broody bastard.” There was no malice behind Neil’s words and Kevin felt a smile spread on his face.

Maybe he didn’t have to be alone forever after all.

#all for the game #aftg #the foxhole court #the kings men #the raven king #kevin day #andrew minyard #neil josten #aftg fic #aftg fanfic #psu foxes #palmetto state foxes #my work

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zoroshonkingbazonkadonkas · 2 years

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bestie!!!!! why do your book recs always slap SO HARD???

foxhole court: 3.5/5 | raven king: 5/5 | king's men: 5/5 | series as a whole: 5/5

It was kinda important to me than Andrew and Neil were canon, bc tbh I don't think I've ever read a book where the MC is queer and it doesn't have anything to do with the plot. The only queer characters I've ever seen have always been in a romance novel where I specifically searched for a queer one. Never just picked up a book, liked the plot liked the characters and it just so happens to have someone queer. Maybe Nico Di Angelo (but I don't really want to count that until the solangelo book comes out bc Rick might not handle it the best). And someone on the ace-spec in a relationship is awesome and rep I've only ever gotten from the charm offensive. Idk it was just important and kinda emotional for me idk idk idk

I saw this as a criticism but I quite liked it: it's character driven, not plot driven. The plot isn't the be all end all of the book. It adds emphasis on Neil's character growth. The book doesn't end when his father is dead, it doesn't end with the FBI investigation, it ends with showing how far the foxes have come, what their future is. Idk idk I just think it's neat.

Andrew<3

Fuck Aaron. I don't like him.

Also I still don't know how I feel about Nicky. I can never forgive him for sa Neil, but I also don't like that other parts of him are likable and if it wasn't for the sa he'd probably be one of my favourite characters. Idk idk.

I like Matt and Dan. Just like <3. Like that's it that's the thought.

Wymack. again idk I kinda want him and Abby to adopt me idk.

Kevin as aromantic but not opposed to having a relationship. Just doesn't look for it and doesn't care too much abt being single.

Andrew<3

Ichirou? Kind of iconic. Idk.

Exy sounds so interesting ngl. Like it's so much better than football or something idk I don't know any more sports.

Just like. I liked it. I need more recs? Pls? I need more like this. Pls.

I LITERALLY LOVE U OMG (and its because i have immaculate taste)

charm offensive my beloved<3

RIGHT? CHARACTER DRIVEN BOOKS>>>>

same for nicky, so true

AHAHAHAH yes ichirou is iconic but im also scared of him lmaoo

trc and aftg are grouped together a lot bc theyre both character driven series' but someone very recently told me 'icebreaker' has very aftg vibes

havent read it yet, but im planning on doing so soon

#isaac<3

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a-drewid · 3 years

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It’s 2 am and I have aftg social media headcanons

Enjoy whatever train wreck this becomes

So during Neil’s second year at Palmetto State, Wymack decides its in the team’s best interest to participate more online and with their fans on different social media platforms. Originally, this was just having a team-shared YouTube account and a team-shared Twitter account.

But because it’s the foxes, things went downhill pretty quickly.

First off, the only person trusted with the login info for both the YouTube and Twitter accounts was Dan, because Wymack thought (rightly) that if any of the other foxes got their hands on the public accounts, everything would go to shit. But Wymack underestimated the fox’s power to get what they want.

One night, after a good game that they won, the foxes are all sufficiently drunk, and Matt and Allison manage to wheedle the login information out of a very tipsy Dan.

The next day, all the foxes have access to the accounts, and things start going sideways from there.

It starts off small at first. A tweet roasting the Raven’s (Neil’s doing), a YouTube compilation of different fox’s eating it during games played over It’s a Hard Knock Life from Annie (courtesy of Nicky and Matt). Wymack doesn’t think much of it, just happy that his foxes are actually listening to him for once.

But soon enough it’s tweets that just say Jeremy Knox <3 (Kevin was drunk) and YouTube compilations titled Andrew Minyard and Neil Josten staring at each other for ten minutes and thirteen seconds (Andrew thought Nicky was behind it, but it was actually Renee the whole time).

Then, somehow, it gets worse.

After a particularly rough argument, Aaron goes dark on his personal twitter. Fans are, understandably, confused. But their confusion only grows when they go to check his alt and find twenty new posts. They’re all just baby pictures of Andrew.

Then a Vine account pops up (cause Vine was still alive back then). At first, people aren’t sure if it’s real or not, but after a particularly… worrying video (the camera starts on a very drunk Matt talking about how pretty Dan is before panning to the side, showing a clock that reads 3:29 am) fans are convinced that it’s actually being run by the foxes.

Then the betting starts.

The first bet is started by the upperclassmen, and it’s simply how long it will take before Neil activates his personal Twitter and replies to one of Kevin’s tweets. In the end, it only takes a week. The tweet was about exy (obviously). Neil responded simply with ‘You tell ‘em Queen.’

After Neil has established himself as a salty shit on Twitter, the bets continue.

How long until Andrew and Neil start fake arguing under one of Neil’s tweets. Two days.

How long before the Minyard-Josten rivalry comes to a head among fans. Three days, right after Neil calls Andrew a midget on his main an Andrew blocks him.

Things also happening on the side: Instagram accounts have been made. Dan posts mostly pictures of her and Matt, or her and the other girls. Matt only ever posts pictures of Dan. Instagram is abandoned shortly afterwards, however, when the app proclaims Aaron’s death for the third time (like what happened with Jack Manifold lmao). Sources vary on whether or not Andrew had anything to do with this.

Neil sometimes forgets he has Twitter, and he’ll open the app after weeks of ignoring it, post some cryptic shit, and leave the fans to scramble for a meaning to the most random sentences.

Neil Josten @/n.a.josten

What the fuck does ‘lit’ mean.

Neil Josten @/n.a.josten

I’m gonna start breaking shit.

Neil Josten @/n.a.josten

Guys please. What is a twink. Nicky won’t stop calling me it.

The foxes quickly become, if possible, even more well liked by there fans, simply for the amazing content they make on the regular. A YouTube video that’s just twenty minutes of Allison doing Renee’s makeup and them talking about women’s rights? Amazing. A vine that’s simply Andrew throwing an exy ball at the back of Kevin’s head and looking into the camera like he’s in the office? Fantastic.

It’s really far too late when Wymack realizes that his foxes have taken social media and ran with it, but he can’t really be mad at them, cause they just seem to be having so much fun with it. 10/10 for team bonding :)

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smol-midgets · 3 years

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Professor!Andrew AU

So I saw this post about Andrew being a criminology professor a long time ago, and I have not been able to get it out of my head ever since. This is the result. It may be a little unrealistic but only very slightly. There will be more parts. Presenting to you – a messy fic.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

After winning a gold medal in the Olympics with Kevin and Neil, Andrew decides he's done. He's achieved whatever he wanted to (not that he wants anything) and exy isn't going to give him anything more

Neil plays for a few more years. ("Junkie.")

He gets a PhD in criminal justice just so he can call himself Doctor Minyard and annoy Aaron

But he gets a good job to teach college students Criminal Justice at a nearby University, and he accepts because he wants to teach kids because he's bored

On his first day, he walks into the classroom and asks everybody to stand up and introduce themselves. After giving them his name he starts off

"Unless any of you want to be standing outside the classroom you will not talk about exy, you will not lie to me, and you will not utter the words "I'm fine"". (I like to think he's moved from murdering people when they say please or misunderstanding, especially after he and Neil spend time with the foxes' kids)

Nobody knows that he's the Andrew Minyard – exy legend, has one of the best goalie stats in the world

His voice is impassive and his face is bored but when he explains something most students listen with rapt attention

His aim is scary good and whoever doesn't listen gets a well aimed chalk thrown to their head

They quickly figure out that his memory is near perfect

"I'm sorry I didn't attend class last week mister Minyard, my cat died"

"How many cats do you have Marcus?"

"One, sir"

"That's interesting, because I remember you saying the same thing for missing class on 4th September as well"

*shocked silence*

"Uh...sir—"

"I also remember something about not lying to me unless you want to stand out of the class. You not attending class is your problem, but do not lie to me again. If you do, I will know"

And true to his word, he spots every lie a student makes

"I read that extract yesterday professor"

"Sure you did"

"I left my assignment at home"

"Is that the new code for 'i didn't do it'?"

"I don't know what happened to the chocolate on your desk professor, really!"

"And I'm the tallest man on earth"

Anyway they realise that he cares less about incomplete assignments and missed classes than he does about being lied to so they stop (it's not like they could get away with it anyway)

He constantly calls them idiots and says he hates them but contradicts himself by doing something caring

It's one of his students birthday, and he lets her choose the case they will be working on, and distributes cupcakes for the whole class

Students are shocked that he remembers her birthday (does he EVER forget ANYTHING!?!?), and that he did something about it

"That was very sweet professor, I didn't know you cared"

"I don't, you're all idiots and I hate all of you"

They just smile knowingly. Andrew is annoyed. He throws peices of chalk at their heads

Andrew bringing cupcakes for each students birthday becomes sort of a tradition

Sir gets sick, so he and Neil have to take him to the vet in the morning before school

Then they're running late, and don't have time to go home and then to their job. Neil can't take Sir to practice so Andrew agrees to take him instead

He's sitting on his desk correcting papers and Sir curling and purring around his feet when his students walk in. As they filter in the cat is rubbing her head against Andrew, jumping on the desk, walking on his papers, jumping down to his lap and walking in circles before curling up there and closing her eyes

His students are surprised by the gentleness and patience with which he handles his cat.

"Professor is that your cat"

"No". He's rubbing her head now and they see through him, they know it's his cat

"What's its name?"

"..." *sighs* " Sir Fat Cat McCatterson"

*shocked silence* None of them are able to contain thier smiles. The only reason they haven't burst out laughing is that he's glaring at them

"Professor, did you just say your cat's name is Sir Fat Cat McCatterson?"

He mutters "Not my cat...I call her Sir" They smile. Andrew is annoyed. He throws pieces of chalk at their heads

He lets Sir walk around in the class and cuddle up to his students. He leaves them 15 minutes early, and some of them stay back to play with Sir

They know that despite being bored and grumpy he really cares

One day he enters class, and raises his hand to silence the students, the ring on his left hand clearly visible

Dead silence

"... Professor Minyard, is that a ring on your finger?"

"Really putting those observational skills to work, aren't you"

Another student exclaims "You're MARRIED!?"

"Excellent deduction, I can see you flourishing in a future of crime and justice" his voice is amused, but his face is blank as always

He continues teaching as if nothing happened

(So this is completely self indulgent. This was just an idea I had and I wanted to share it. I hope you enjoyed!)

#aftg #all for the game #andrew minyard #andrew minyard is a teacher #proffesor!andrew #neil is a junkie #nora sakavic #aftg fanfiction #aftg headcanon #aftg au #criminal justice professor au #neil josten #andrew cares

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delightfulfiresoulweasel · 3 years

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Reason Number 4 Why Kevaaron Just Makes Sense

Ever since Andrew and Neil started dating, Kevin started hanging at the dorm less, he wanted to give them alone time

He would pack his books and go to the library

The first few times he sat alone in a single table in the corner

He could see Aaron sitting with his friends, Kevin realized he actually never seen Aaron with his friends before. All his friends were surrounded around him, he was the beacon pulling everyone in with his knowledge, his laidback personality, his easy smile only reserved for his closest friend.

This was a side Kevin never saw in Aaron, and he was angry, angry at Aaron for being stoned faced and tense around the Foxes, for being secretive and avoident, angry because he wasnt one of the people that Aaron joked with, explained a question or proof read their essay.

He started sitting closer and closer to Aaron’s group, never next to them but somewhere in eyesight. It wasnt long until Aaron realized him there.

He was quick to recover from his stalling, getting up from his chair and heading over to Kevin’s table.

“Didn’t know you studied here”

“ I recently started coming”

“If you want, you can come over and sit with us, we can talk a lot sometimes but its up to you”

Kevin started sitting with Aaron and his friends to study from then on. He got to know them and they slowly started becoming his friends as well. He was the only one who wasnt studying pre-med and they loved that, loved asking Kevin questions, testing his latin with medical terms and Kevin loved talking about history in return. Some of them were interested in Exy as well, and Kevin gladly explained it to them.

Aaron tried to cover his smile at those times, how relaxed Kevin’s features looked when he was explaining, using his hands and concentrating on what he was explaining. But Katelyn noticed and nudged Aaron every time, giving him pointed looks but he just rolled her eyes at him

Kevin noticed Katelyn and Aaron flirting, he had heard from Nicky that they had broken up, but seeing them upclose, he could see the easy connection they had between them. He quickly looked away from the pair, not understanding the burn in his stomach.

The more time Kevin spent with Aaron the more he craved. He hated seeing Aaron’s face morp back into its usual bored glance, his biting remarks, although they were becoming less and less and more playful remarks. He loved the walks from library back to dorms at night, only them, he hated parting at the door, leaving the bliss of the day behind

Aaron was bad at identifying his emotions, he didn’t know what this feeling was, he wanted to be with Kevin all the time, he wanted Kevin to smile at him, he wanted Kevin’s undivided attention on him and only him, but he knew this wasn’t something they do, so he ignored his feelings, pushed them away and cherished each small moment he could find.

It took a few months and Katelyn’s directive for Aaron to ask Kevin out. Kevin was over the moon, he had accepted that Aaron was still in love with Katelyn and he would long for him from afar.

They had cute study dates just for themselves, they held each others hand while studying, picnic dates where Aaron makes flower crowns for them both. Just all the cheesy romantic stuff you can think of.

#all for the game #aftg #andrew minyard #neil josten #aaron minyard #kevin day #kevaaron #kevaaron supremacy #kevaaron fic

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buriedinbaltimore · 4 years

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Imagine the foxes playing two truths and a lie...

The upperclassmen start playing it as a drinking game one night and Neil is intrigued. Andrew is also intrigued but doesn’t show it and refuses to play.

They are all already pretty tipsy, with Kevin, Matt, Nicky, and Aaron pretty much drunk.

Allison goes first, she has an amazing poker face and calmly says all three statements with no facial twitches or vocal cues. “my first car was a Toyota Camry (truth), my prom dress cost over $10k (lie), and I once made out with Miley Cyrus (truth)”

Renee, Neil, and Aaron guess right, Matt, Dan, Kevin, and Nicky have to drink.

Then it’s Matt’s turn and he is terrible, he starts snickering before he opens his mouth. “I’ve swam with sharks (truth)” he says, but he cannot control his face and it keeps contorting as he tries to maintain a neutral expression. He takes a deep breath to try and control his giggles, “my favorite flower is sunflowers (truth)” then he can’t hold it in anymore and starts hysterically laughing and chokes out, “My favorite city in the world is Newark, NJ (lie)”

Everyone gets it right and Matt has to drink.

Dan is next, she goes for the “one of these is so out there and crazy it can’t be a lie...or is it?” method.

((It is.))

“I’ve never shot a gun (truth), as a kid my favorite food was celery with ranch dressing (truth), and when I was 18 I won the lottery but the ticket was ruined and I couldn’t claim the money (lie)”

Aaron jumps in with “Obviously you never won the lottery, how would you even know if the ticket was destroyed”

Dan has her story ready. “When I first turned 18, I played the same numbers every week. It went on for a few months when my numbers were picked, but by that point playing was more of a habit than anything else and I wasn’t too careful with my tickets. I searched for it everywhere and found that I left it in my jeans pocket when I did my laundry.”

Allison asks what the numbers were, and Dan answers with no hesitation, which makes Allison tilt her head and stare into Dan’s eyes. Dan looks back without guile, totally relaxed.

Nicky is looking at her with his eyes wide and mouth slightly open and asks how much money she would have won

When Dan answers $53 million dollars Nicky gasps and Matt groans.

Neil, Renee, and Allison get it right, but everyone else falls for it.

When its Nicky turn he forgets to say a lie.

He is sitting there trying to come up with something for what feels like forever while every goads him for taking so long.

Finally, after waiting 5 minutes, Kevin says “I’m going because Nicky obviously can’t come up with anything” and Nicky jumps across Kevins lap and goes “No no no no no, I’ve got it!”

Without moving off Kevin he says “I’m allergic to shellfish, I died my hair green once, and I’ve read all the twilight books three times“ He moves back to his spot looking pleased with himself.

Everyone starts discussing theories until Andrew says in his bored, flat voice, “Nicky, those are all true”

Nicky starts to protest, thinks for a second, then just says “Fuck!” and takes a shot.

Kevin rolls his eyes so hard that his entire head rotates then says, while slightly slurring, “Okay, my turn! I’ve played a game of pick up basketball once (lie), I know all the lyrics to We Didn’t Start the Fire (truth), and I’ve traveled to over a dozen countries (truth).”

Matt starts hysterically laughing again, “You know all the lyrics to We Didn’t Start the Fire! oh my god Kevin you are such a nerd!” everyone else starts laughing at Kevin too.

“Maybe I do, maybe it’s the lie!”

“Everyone knows you’ve never played a sport besides Exy in your life Kevin” Dan says, “Will you sing it for us? Please, please, please!”

Allison, Nicky, and Matt join Dan in asking Kevin to sing. Renee even says, “It would be lovely to hear you sing it Kevin” to which Kevin blushes a little and answers, “Maybe later” and then takes his shot.

Aaron is drunk enough at this point to spill some truths he otherwise never would, and will wish for the rest of his life that he never had.

“When I was little, I wanted to be a figure skater when I grew up.(truth)”

Everyone goes completely silent and stares at him unsure whether to laugh or not but he doesn’t realize and continues

“The first time I got high I thought the squirrels in the tree wanted to adopt me as their squirrel king (truth), and I hate Taylor Swift (lie)”

No one says anything at first, and just when Aaron starts to realize something is up, Nicky says “Nah man, you LOVE T. Swift, you can’t deny it!”

They collectively make a silent agreement to ignore this new information about Aaron until he sobers up a bit and can either defend himself, or will be more fun to tease.

In the end, everyone but Renee guesses right, but she guessed wrong on purpose because she didn’t think that Aaron should be having any more to drink.

When it’s Renee’s turn, she smiles sweetly and says, ”I can juggle up to 7 balls (truth), I have never drank diet soda (lie), and I once had a pet turtle named Vincent (truth).”

No one is confident about which is the lie and it is the longest the foxes debate after anyones turn. It doesn’t help that Renee refuses to answer questions, and whenever someone tries to ask her anything she just smiles and shrugs.

It comes out to Neil and Aaron getting it right, while everyone else has to drink.

“How the fuck has it never come up that you’re a master juggler?” Allison asks angrily

“It wouldn’t be appropriate to do it at practice, and we’re not really around balls much otherwise.”

Everyone asks for a demonstration, “I will juggle later if Kevin will sing.”

Everyone looks at Kevin who sighs but says “Okay, fine!”

They all cheer then wait eagerly for Neil to go.

Neil sits quietly for a little while, not as long as Nicky, but long enough that Aaron says, “Come on this should be easy for you! You lied to us all for a year, what’s the problem, the truth?”

Neil shoots him a dirty look but doesn’t respond for a few more seconds then says,

“My mom and I once helped deliver a baby at a truck stop in Alberta, I’ve been bitten by a camel, and I can speak 7 languages”

Everyone just stares at him.

“Two of those things are true?” Matt finally asks

“Yeah.” Neil says, shrugging. Everyone is silent again.

Nicky turns to Andrew for help, but he refuses to say anything. His eyes are bright with interest though and he looks at Neil for a long time. Internally, he thinks the one about helping birth a baby has something off about it.

After much debate, Allison, Kevin, and Matt guess the baby, Renee, Dan, and Aaron guess the camel, and Nicky says the languages, “No one can know SEVEN languages!! I won’t believe it!”

They all turn to Neil expectantly and he says, “It was the first one, we were just outside Vancouver, in British Columbia, not Alberta.”

“But you, Neil Josten, have helped deliver a baby?” Allison asks incredulously.

“Technically I wasn’t Neil Josten yet…”

Everyone groans. Everyone takes a shot.

Cut to 15 minutes later, Renee is juggling an exy ball, some apples, and Matt’s phone while Kevin sings. Nicky tries to sing along with Kevin but definitely doesn’t know the right words, Aaron is watching Renee wide eyed, Dan and Matt are playing air guitar behind Kevin, and Allison is looking for more things for Renee to juggle. Neil and Andrew sit quietly on a desk holding cigarettes, observing their idiot friends.

Stories Behind the Truths and Lies

Allison

My first car was a Toyota Camry (truth) - Allison’s parents wanted her to learn how to drive in a safe car that wouldn’t draw a lot of attention, so they got her a Camry. She only drove it for 3 weeks before demanding an upgrade.

My prom dress cost over $10k (lie) - This was almost true. She had ordered a custom Zac Posen dress but before it was finalized she made her decision to go to PSU and play Exy, and her mother canceled the order. She ended up wearing something she found in a vintage store that she altered herself. She ended up enjoying it a lot, which led to her decision to study fashion. (In my hc she played professional Exy for 3? seasons but was injured and then started her fashion line.)

I once made out with Miley Cyrus (truth) - While out clubbing one night she met Miley through mutual friends, they were attracted to each other, they made out. Miley asked for her number but Allison wasn’t looking for anything more than a hook up.

Matt

I’ve swam with sharks (truth) - He did this with his mom on a vacation and they both loved it. They also have a tradition where they watch at least one night of shark week together, or at least call each other to talk while they are both watching.

My favorite flower is sunflowers (truth) - No story lol I just think he would like sunflowers.

My favorite city in the world is Newark, NJ (lie) - I love thinking about New Yorker Matt. Raised on the Upper East Side, dad a top plastic surgeon, mom a public figure? Child grew up surrounded by serious privilege. HC that in fifth grade he made friends with a boy who was on scholarship at his school. Let’s call him… Metin. He lived in Queens? He took the subway? Matt goes to his house one day and it is 1/8th the size of his apartment and there are 9 people living there; Metin’s parents, two grandparents, his uncle, his two sisters, and his cousin. They all speak Turkish in the house and it’s loud and crowded but so full of life and love and Matt loves it. He and Metin grew apart when Matt started using, but before that they were best friends for years and explored the city together, Matt learning about and experiencing so much culture that for the first 9 years of his life he didn’t know existed. When Nicky wanted to go to Times Square for New Years Matt knew he had to be a good host and take them but inside he was DYING. I’m getting off track. No New Yorker could ever like Newark. I’m not convinced anybody could like Newark. It is indeed, very laughable.

Dan

I’ve never shot a gun (truth) - Dan hates guns and refuses to shoot one.

As a kid my favorite food was celery with ranch dressing (truth) - Idk I just thought this was cute. And also thinking about young Dan who didn’t have a lot of access to healthy foods getting celery sticks and ranch with her free school lunch and getting SO excited. Trading her cookie to a classmate for their celery.

When I was 18 I won the lottery but the ticket was ruined and I couldn’t claim the money (lie) - I like to think this is part true. After Dan turned 18 but before she was recruited for the Foxes, she played lotto a lot, always with the same numbers that she got from a fortune cookie that said, “Failure is not defeat until you stop trying.” She stopped playing once she signed with Wymack.

Nicky (all truths)

I’m allergic to shellfish - Mostly I love that Andrew knew all these things about Nicky, especially his allergy because he’s always looking out to make sure Nicky doesn’t eat something he can’t.

I died my hair green once - At first, when he took custody of the twins and started showing up for them at school at stuff, he hated the looks he got. He was a 19 year old kid who was supposed to be their guardian? Not to mention the way people eyed his skin and hair when he said he was family. One day he decided to dye his hair blond and he asked Andrew and Aaron to help, to try to bond. Aaron wanted nothing to do with it, but surprisingly, Andrew seem enthusiastic about the idea. He bought the dye and did everything for Nicky in the kitchen. When he was finally done roughly washing the dye out of Nicky’s hair, Nicky went to the bathroom to see how he looked and saw that Andrew had died his hair green. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh at the prank or cry because he foolishly thought he might be getting through to Andrew. When he went back to the kitchen, he tried to laugh it off and said maybe he should go to a salon to get the color right. Andrew told him he was stupid to try and change how he looked just because people were dumb enough to think that families needed to look alike. Besides, they weren’t a family anyway. “Family” is a toxic excuse for things people put up with, a reason we accept the tragedies and inconveniences forced upon us. (Nora’s words) Nicky was upset, and dyed his hair back to his natural color once the roots started growing in, but he reaffirmed his commitment in that moment that he would show the twins what Erik had shown him, what a family could really be.

I’ve read all the twilight books three times - Nicky was a huge fan of twilight, even going to the midnight release party for the last book. He was disappointed in the movie adaptations but loved the casting and watched for the eye candy. He is loving the twilight renaissance especially the twilight is gay discourse.

Kevin

I’ve played a game of pick up basketball once (lie) - Kevin has never played a game of basketball, or soccer, or tennis, or baseball, or any other sport for that matter and can not understand why anyone would want to.

I know all the lyrics to We Didn’t Start the Fire (truth) - Kayleigh Day was a big music fan, she loved everything from classical to country, but one of her favorite artists was Billy Joel. After she died and Kevin moved into Evermore, he almost forgot about her music because the music at the Nest was all chosen for pragmatic reasons, like its BPM and ability to pump the players up. One day, when Kevin was around 15 years old, a rebellious Raven played his own music while training in the weight room. He and his partner were the only ones in there until Riko and Kevin showed up, and they turned it off as soon as they realized they had come in, but Kevin heard some of “Only the Good Die Young” and for the first time in a long time had a vivid memory of his mother. He asked the boys what had been playing, and Riko scoffed at the name Billy Joel. That night while Riko was sleeping, Kevin downloaded Billy Joel’s Greatest Hits and listened until he feel asleep, and he continued listening to it for weeks until he started remembering more of his mothers songs from his childhood. We Didn’t Start the Fire was one of his favorites because history.

I’ve traveled to over a dozen countries (truth) - Between travel through Europe with his mom while she spread Exy and professional appearances he made with Riko, Kevin is the most well traveled besides Neil.

Aaron

When I was little, I wanted to be a figure skater when I grew up. (truth) - When Aaron was around four or five, he watched the winter olympics on TV and fell in love with figure skating. Tilda never bothered to get him skating lessons, but one day, when Aaron was seven, there was an attempt to revive the Ice Capades. Aaron never thought he would get to go, but Tilda surprised him with tickets. It is one of the few really good memories he has of his mom.

The first time I got high I thought the squirrels in the tree wanted to adopt me as their squirrel king (truth) - I just imagine Aaron trying his mom’s drugs for the first time alone in the back yard, laying flat on his back looking up at a family of squirrels, saying, “I’m king of the squirrels!!!”

I hate Taylor Swift (lie) - Katelyn is a HUGE Taylor Swift fan. When they first started hanging out, Aaron didn’t really like her music but didn’t want to say anything. Eventually he started associating her with Katelyn though, and he loves watching Katelyn sign and dance so much that he now genuinely enjoys her music.

Renee

I can juggle up to 7 balls (truth) - Renee always had a natural juggling talent. She never really tried to learn, it was just always something she could do.

I have never drank diet soda (lie) - She does prefer non-diet soda, but she has tried diet before.

I once had a pet turtle named Vincent (truth) - Vincent was a gift from one of her mother’s boyfriends, the only one Renee ever remotely like. He was horrible to her mother, but had a soft spot for Renee and treated her kindly. They broke up after a couple of months, and he gave her Vincent as a parting gift. She had him until she got arrested, she couldn’t go back home to get him and when her mother went to prison he died.

Neil

My mom and I once helped deliver a baby at a truck stop in Alberta (lie) - This happened while Neil and his mom were on the way to Seattle. It was the middle of the night and they stopped to get gas a few hours out from Vancouver when they heard a woman screaming. There was nothing around for miles and only one other car in the lot that had been there when they pulled in. His mother immediately dropped the gas pump and Neil was already back in the car when the screaming stopped and his mother hesitated. Neil had never seen his mom hesitate with a potential threat around before, and he listened closely to try and understand why she stopped. All he heard was a woman panting harshly, but it sounded almost as though there was a rhythm to it. Mary signaled for him to get out of the car, and ordered him to grab some blankets, the first aid kit, and water bottles and follow her. They walked behind the locked public bathrooms, and found the woman squatting, with tears running down her face. Mary wasn’t very gentle or comforting, but she told the woman in a calm and confident voice that they were going to help. Neil didn’t do much, but he let the woman hold his hand and squeeze until he thought she would break it. He gave her sips of water between her contractions and did anything else his mother said. Once the baby was out, wrapped in a blanket, and in its mothers arms, Mary grabbed Neil and they left without another word to the woman. She stared after them, confused and grateful. Neil and his mother never spoke of it again.

I’ve been bitten by a camel (truth) - Neil and Mary spent a few days in Dubai to get some papers from a specialist there before traveling back to North America. The man did his business out of a racetrack where they held camel races. To get to his office, they had to travel through the back part of the track that the jockeys used to get the camels into position. Neil got too close to one of the camels and it bit his arm, luckily (or not), the jockey was in the middle of beating it and before it closed its mouth too tightly, landed a blow that caused the camel to immediately open its mouth again. Once he was freed, Neil was out of reach in a millisecond.

I can speak 7 languages (truth) - English, German, French, Russian, Hebrew, Czech, Greek. (To clarify he can speak 7 languages but he wouldn’t necessarily call himself fluent in all 7) We all know English, German, French, and Nora had a hc that Andrew and Neil learn Russian so they can talk to each other even with the cousins around which I love. Hebrew - In my hc Neil is jewish, as are Mary and Nathan. After running away, Mary didn’t know where to go once she had left her brother. She didn’t speak any other languages besides English, but she could understand Yiddish from hearing her grandparents and sometimes her parents speaking it growing up, and she could understand Polish from her time married to Nathan. She didn’t want to go to Poland in case any of Nathan’s contacts recognized her, so she decided to go to Israel. She knew there were communities there that spoke Yiddish and she was familiar if not comfortable with Hebrew from going to temple when she was younger. But most importantly she knew Nathan didn’t have any regular contacts there. While they were there, along with learning Hebrew, Mary pretended to be interested in converting to Greek Orthodox in order to get secret Greek lessons for her and Neil. After a while but sooner than she had hoped, Mary got a warning that Nathan had figured out where they were. She didn’t think it would be wise to go directly to Greece so she decided to move them to Prague next, since Czech and Polish are fairly similar and she really had no other ideas. While in Prague she continued her and Neil’s Greek lessons, and they went on to Greece eventually. Mary didn’t want them to lose any of the languages they learned, so she came up with a system that on certain days of the week they would speak to each other in certain languages. After Mary died, Neil pretty much gave up on Czech and Hebrew because he hadn’t been surrounded by them in so long and he hadn’t used either except with Mary since they moved from Prague or Israel. They had lived in Greece for longer than they had in Prague or Israel though, moving to a few different cities, so he felt stronger with Greek.

Fin.

This is my first time writing anything fanfiction, my first time doing any creative writing at all really, and I would love any and all feedback!! Thanks for reading this long ass post, I hope it wasn’t terrible!!

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writingpuddle · 3 years

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(responding to your tags bc it's interesting and i've been thinking about it a lately) andrew isn't necessarily less violent when medicated be he definitely follows through more when he's sober? and he gets distracted much more easily from being angry when he's medicated. in the first book he smacks neil with the exy racket, but it seems more like an impulse than planned, and then we see him threaten people twice (nicky and kevin) but not follow through, also on impulse, his plan to drug neil, which is carried out semi-sober, and that's about it. (he also threatens to hurt himself but doesn't follow through, impulse as well) after easthaven he pretty much immediately chokes allison and has to be bargained with to stop, punches matt, threatens katelyn, chokes kevin and has to be physically pulled off him before he stops, attempts to physically fight the fbi, nearly punches neil, and breaks rikos arm. idk i wouldn't say he's like, nonviolent on medication by any means but i think it did defang him in the way the court intended it to, for the most part. he does genuinely seem to lose interest in following through in the first part of the books, and he gains that focus back in the latter half. obv this isn't like, an ironclad theory and also it's possbile i'm missing smth bc this is off the top of my head, but i also think that as far as it cosmetically looking like it's making a difference it could just about pass muster for a parole officer who's making sure there haven't been any extra murders yet.

sorry this is super long i just have many thought thank u for ur time

oh my GOD do not apologize for sending me this i am so happy to see all your thoughts and i think its totally fascinating. i am 100% with you on the fact that sober andrew has more follow-through--hitting someone who hit someone else like...yesterday is a very pre-meditated, almost clinical sort of violence. there's no real emotion to it, it's just methodical punishment, and drugged andrew seems like he would respond at least less reliably with violence since the drugs would wash away his immediate emotional reaction by the time he ran into matt again.

so its more a matter of...is clinical violence more violent than impulsive violence? which is why i would want to actually like. collect all the incidents and compare them not just in number but severity. because of the nature of plot, a lot of really insane shit happens in late in the series when andrew is sober, versus many of the triggers for his violence when he's drugged are a lot less serious; nicky making an off-colour joke, kevin being pushy about exy. it's hard to directly compare that to like, someone andrew loves being kidnapped and presumably murdered. i couldnt confidently say if drugged andrew would react with less violence to that situation because drugged andrew never encounters a situation that serious (excepting drake, in which case its a) against himself, who he doesnt value as much as his family b) he's too physically injured to do much other than hold on to aaron).

(actually speculating about how drugged andrew might have responded to baltimore is an interesting puzzle--but then its begs the question of how neil and andrews relationship might have evolved if andrew was still drugged, since i personally hc that andrew isnt comfortable with engaging in sexual activity when he's high)

BASICALLY i could make a case for either side really, because its so ambiguous. i can kind of see how andrews sober, methodical and premeditated violence would be more frightening to people than the emotionally impulsive one-off incidents that happen when he's drugged, but the volatile nature of andrews moods when he's on his medications do not seem super safe either.

i think tho we can agree that andrews medications werent really about his own mental health--they were about controlling his behaviour. whether they worked or not...unclear. whether they were ethical or not? hell no.

ugh. next time i read the books im gonna have to use sticky notes to keep track of all the incidents. im gonna have a goddamn spreadsheet of andrew behaviours.

#guys i think i need a life.#sinistercacophony #asks #andrew minyard #medication tw #mental health #idk how to tag this but if its upsetting plz let me know #drake spear #reference to noncon

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i-did · 3 years

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Considering your headcannon about Andrew kinda being a victim blamer to a certain degree, do u think it ever causes conflict with neil? (Or others) I think it's an interesting hc and it feels surprisingly fitting but I can't decide whether I think Andrew would voice these opinions or not... He is very straightforward and blunt but idk if he would just recognise that its likely to cause an argument and 'it wont change the past anyway so what's the point?' kinda thing.

(Just wanna clarify that I like Andrew btw lol, I just also think he has flaws and this is one of them, so Andrew stans don't attack me)

Short answer: yes, he brings it up sometimes.

Long answer where I show examples:

I don’t think he ever blames victims more than perpetrators for anyone except himself. I also don’t think Andrew thinks of it as “blame” but more like actions that were taken and actions that weren’t. If Andrew was too drunk to fight back in a shitty bar he would think “I will not allow myself to ever be drunk enough where I can't fight some asshole back, not ever again” and moves on. Andrew hardly even ever allows himself to relax his shoulders even, and when he wakes up, he wakes up swinging. His mind is very ‘fight’ centric, it’s how he was socialized and raised. I think it changes depending on circumstances as well.

(I will continue to use the word blame for clarity’s sake however)

Sober Andrew is a lot less talkative than manic Andrew, and manic Andrew definitely said insensitive and unwelcome opinions just to see reactions. Manic Andrew also lets his opinion be known to see if anyone is listening or cares as well, and sober Andrew does so as well, but in a more mousetrap way, waiting to see how the other person will react for a reason and to be read, rather than manic Andrews ‘just because I need some entertainment’ reasons.

Overall I think Andrew wouldn’t really voice these opinions and people definitely don't care to hear them, but they can sense Andrews overall apathy and don't appreciate that either.

I think Andrew would bring up his opinion scarcely, but it would come out sometimes, and it’s definitely not appreciated. Andrew thinks “if only I was stronger” about himself, and that's what he plans to do, get stronger. So thanksgiving hit him hard because not only was he re-traumatized in more ways than one, he has lost his belief that he is stronger than before and that's all he needs. He got buff, joined exy, carried knives and made sure no one wanted to be closer than a few feet to him, and when they touched him he made sure they learned he did not like to be touched– at all. I believe he still holds onto his “if only I was stronger” mentality still even after Thanksgiving, he re-establishes the foxes fear of him by punching and though violence, its what he knows. Andrew’s least favorite reaction is pity (and so is Neil’s).

Andrew isn’t the type to roll his eyes at anyone but maybe Neil and a few others, he’s very selective with who he lets see his more visible expressions, but overall he doesn’t have the energy in him to emote when he disagrees or what he thinks. He knows it won’t change the past, so he usually doesn’t bring his thoughts into it, but sometimes when he’s annoyed or angry or in an argument he will, and it definitely changes the argument from an argument to more of a fight.

I think it comes up most often with Neil since Andrew is comfortable enough to share his opinion with him and let it be known, and it’s not always appreciated. Kevin has definitely heard some of this even in canon from Andrew too. Andrew sees things very black and white, so when Kevin says “I can’t” because he's scared, Andrew says “you can, and you will”. Andrew looks at Aaron and sees an almost weaker version of himself who never learned how to hit his mom back. Andrew doesn’t understand those who don't hit back, not after Cass. He believes if someone isn’t hitting back, there should be a reason, and not a sentimental one, otherwise its weakness. And he sees this because its what he thinks of himself, and how he was willing what he was going through for Cass. He thinks his past self should have known better and been stronger, but it's too late now so whatever who cares– or that's what he tells himself. Andrew doesn’t blame Neil’s mom for hitting him necessarily, but he does think “and you didn’t stop her.” and the silent “and you didn’t stop loving her” is there too, and its something that him and Neil do fight on. Andrew also frames things in the “Neil will get himself killed,” way that most people jokingly say, but Andrew means more “undeniably Neil provoked someone, and it’s partially his fault.”

I think Andrew doesn't think it's Nicky’s ‘fault’ for getting hate-crimed behind Edens, but he does think Nicky was not paying attention and didn’t read the room like usual, and possibly could have avoided it, but what's done is done, and it never comes up. And Andrew is overall anti-family and how they can have power over you, so he definitely blames Nicky for letting his feelings get hurt and heart get crushed by the same parents who sent him to conversion therapy. He thinks “you should know better/what did you expect” and voices this in book 2 to Neil about the Thanksgiving dinner invitation.

With Aaron, I can see it coming up. When him and Aaron fight, it usually turns into Andrew shutting down and shutting him out and Aaron growing angrier now that he’s seen Andrew shut down, and he can't break through with his anger, and will then push hard before retreating himself and then pushing away back. And yes, the fight is about his mother, in a very similar way to Neil. (Neil hates this, because he sees it as different, his mothers circumstances different, but Andrew does not.)

I think if Allison were to be crying about being mugged and see Andrew’s blank face over Renee’s comforting shoulder, she would just spit out a “fuck you,” and he would shrug, knowing he has no comfort to offer her. Being mugged to most people can be very traumatizing and scary, Andrew grew up in foster home after foster home in Oakland, if he were to mug someone he would look for an Allison, someone who dresses well and likely has a lot of cash on them, multiple credit cards, you could get pretty far before they're all canceled. Andrew learned as a kid how to dress and look, so people don't mug you and if they try they don’t get anything, it's a pretty common city skill. Andrew also blames Allison for hitting Aaron as the reason why he choked her against the asphalt. “She knew what would happen.” He doesn’t think he didn’t not do those actions, but he thinks: cause → reaction.

Andrew thinks, ‘yes I took Matt to Edens, but he was the one who said yes to the drugs, his sobriety was just as weak as I proved it to be.’ Interestingly, Matt actually agrees with Andrew, thinking his methods were harsh but effective.

Besides Matt, Renee is the only one who doesn’t fight him on his opinions, I’m sure she sometimes agrees (or part of her does) and other times she politely disagrees and doesn’t let it rile her. He talks to her more though, and gets to hear his opinions about said things much more often than the other foxes, especially with how he likes to debate her and bait her good christian persona with his own personality, especially because Renee is ‘just like him’ deep down.

He doesn't blame Seth for dying, that he knows is partially Neil’s responsibility but overall Riko who actually did the deed (or hired people to).

As for Dan, I can’t think of any examples rn, kinda a lame note to end on, but this is how it ends.

#aftg #andrew minyard #all for the game #aftg meta #victim blaming #ask #the foxes #mailob

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genderfluidvi · 3 years

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My updated All for the Game headcannons after my third read and like ~3-4 years of obsessing over this series

Allison is a binary trans woman and super bisexual

Neil is greygender like he just doesn’t really give a fuck about pronouns or aesthetics or any of that he’s just....Neil

Neil also has ADHD and has periods of hyper fixations that sometimes turn into long term interests and other times get abandoned after a month

Andrew is definitely demiromantic

Maybe has ASD as well?? Not solid on that headcannon yet but I’m warming up to it

Kevin? Super fucking bisexual and DEFINITELY has ASD like both solid headcannons for me that you cannot convince me of otherwise

Renee is pansexual and ambiamorous (which means that you and indifferent to having multiple partners or your partners having multiple partners you just kinda feel it out) but tends to lean homoromantic

She is also nonbinary and uses all pronouns but he/him+ other masc terms and it/its

Aaron is somewhere on the arospec but heterosexual (sorry Kevaaron shippers 😅)

Kevin is also polyamorous ok and ends up with Thea and Jeremy as partners and Jean as a metamour (who is dating Jeremy)

SPEAKING OF JEAN: he is definitely queer but has no desire to label his sexuality he has too much to deal with without trying to figure out his sexuality on top of that. Same with his gender like wtf is that even???? Leave me alone

Matt? Hella pan and figured out after meeting Neil that he is polyamorous too

Dan is bi and ambiamorous so she and Matt sometimes go on dates as a couple and they both would have a threesome with Neil in an instant (though that’s never happening because he only swings for Andrew but they can dREAM OK?)

I also think that Matt doesn’t necessarily identify as nonbinary but also doesn’t not identify as nonbinary ?? Like he’s definitely a dude he’s just not sure if he’s a binary dude

Allison has bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder (which if you didn’t know are not uncommonly paired) (I also have both of these) (self projection af kids)

Wymack is Native American and registered as part of the Catawba tribe. He isn’t as connected or active in his culture as he would like to be BUT as he and Kevin develops their relationship they go to events within the community together and eventually get him registered with the tribe as well

OH and Kevin gets super into his Irish heritage as he allows himself to grieve and remember his mother more. I think he probably didn’t really let himself do that in the Nest what with being a human pet and all. He starts studying Gaelic and starts following Irish Exy nearly as intensely as American exy.

Jeremy is gay and Chicano (Mexican American)

Renee is Korean takes on Taekwondo after her exy days as a way to reclaim her fighting as something constructive for herself rather than a relic of her gang years as well as indulging in her culture.

She and Allison (because i super ship Renison) like to have Korean food nights and watch K-dramas together

Nicky is nonbinary but still uses only he/him and masc pronouns. No one way to be nonbinary folx!

He and Erik help run a youth program for queer kids once they’re married and living together in Germany.

Allison is mixed Black-White American and PROUD bitches

Katelynn has the same coloring as Neil and a lot of similar personality traits (being short tempered and mouthy especially) and twins REFUSE to acknowledge it

Neil is ethnically Jewish as is Abby and she helps immerse him in the culture once she finds out. He doesn’t really believe or follow the religious part of being Jewish but doesn’t have disdain for it either.

The Foxes throw him a belated batsmitsva and he and Andrew love baking challa bread (especially with apricots and rosemary) and latkes together

Speaking of—Andrew is an amazing baker. He’s constantly baking sweets and breads and pizzas (with less sweet options for Neil) and even snacks for the kitties.

Andrew also has a slightly chubby tummy and I will FIGHT YOU on this

Neil loves it and gets very defensive of it whenever someone tries to put Andrew on a diet

That is his favorite pillow and how dare you body shame Andrew or attempt to take that squish away from him

Not sure how solid this headcannon is for me yet but I can definitely see the twins as a quarter Japanese (which I and my siblings are as well and my youngest sister looks like a white girl with monolids so like it’s definitely possible for them to have that coloring and still be mixed)

Of the foxes (and sorry if nora has already declared this I haven’t read the EC in a while) Andrew, Neil, Kevin, Matt, and Allison are the only ones that go pro.

Kandreil has made out just once and they all agreed it was a mistake.

Ok that’s it for now but I may come back with more ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we’ll see

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whatmack · 4 years

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Imagine little Kevin Day. His mother just died a few years ago and he’s trapped in the big bad Nest, being surrounded by the darkness. And then little Nathaniel makes and appearance and it’s like a ray of sunshine made its way in the Nest and Kevin is so excited to have Nathaniel around and making plans for the future with him and promising him that they’re going to be Court, and then Nathaniel is gone, he’s disappeared and Kevin is crushed. 1/?

What happened? Where did he go? Didn’t he want to be friends anymore? He would ask the Master every day if he’s been found, but he stopped after the master slapped him in the face and told him to leave him alone with his aberration. And for years he would look in the newspaper and at the news to see if they’ve been found. He had Jean now, but Jean is not Nathaniel. He’s lost all hope after Riko crushed his hand. His only worry now was to stay alive. 2/?

He drinks and plays and fights and his mind is now far from Nathaniel and checking for him. At some point one thing lead to another and he falls for Andrew, and they kiss and they fuck, but he knows Andrew would not reciprocate. And then Neil Josten comes along and he’s so infuriating and interesting and he plays with everything he’s got and he’s got both of them intrigued. 3/?

And Neil’s real identity is discovered by Kevin and he feels like the ground have up from beneath his feet and was falling and falling and falling, but at the end he landed and he’s finally releasing a breath he’s been holding because Nathaniel is safe and he’s alive, but also an idiot for putting a target on his back. And Baltimore happens and he realises his intense his feelings have been for this trouble kid all along and how he couldn’t bear to lose him again. 4/?

My point is, Kevin Day has always been in love with Neil and he’s lost him and recovered him and he’s not letting go of him ever again. 5/5

I just, wonder so much what little 8 year old nathaniel wesninski was like....I wonder if kevin knew it was a tryout when they met? How often did this kind of thing happen? this is tetsuji still trying to build the ravens right, like kevin and riko were playing Exy before most people knew it existed, so it makes sense that there would be multiple tryouts

I imagine kevin not really getting the whole “sold to the moriyamas” thing and is like !! okay! hey this tryout kid is actually good!! he actually seems to CARE about the game!! and have skills! he wouldn’t have had, you know, many friends, so i imagine kev getting really excited to be friends with nathaniel but not knowing how to make friends so he awkwardly follows him around and talks at him (I wonder how pleased riko would’ve been at that...) It doesn’t make sense, to Kevin, to think of himself as separate from Exy. Neil is part of Exy. It doesn’t make sense, to Kevin, to think of a time he didn’t feel like this for Neil: it’s so much a part of him that it takes him a long time to figure out what to call it (On another note imagine Kevin having trouble understanding that Andrew loving being obessed with Neil isn’t the same as loving Exy. “How can you care about Neil and not Exy they’re part of each other?” “There’s so much there to unpack that I’m tired just hearing it”)

#its ok kev #Anonymous #kevineil #sometimes....your perception of love.......can be tied to a violent sport #andrew: kevin doesn't understand that Exy isn't what neil IS it's what neil DOES #bee: so like you and the times you've hurt people?#andrew: .....motherfucker #(also neil: but Exy IS who i is. am. kevin gets that tho)#alcohol /

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91percentpynch · 3 years

Text

if the world was ending - kevaaron au pt 6

we‘re slowly getting our happy ending i think? anyways shout out to the guys who sticked around ever since part one and encouraged me to publish the parts!! hope you enjoy this one as well! stay hydrated, eat something, feel hugged (or take a finger heart if you don‘t like physical contact) and know that i love you!! also this one‘s out of aaron‘s pov!!

the song of this part is if the world was ending by julia michaels and jp saxe

check this out for part 1-5

Aaron only planned to get to his dealer that night, just wanted the voices to stop, just wanted the feeling of numbness again

What he didn‘t want was landing in the hospital, but when did anything ever work out the way he wanted?

So when he was on the way to his dealer, tears clouding his vision, he didn‘t see the stop sign. He didn‘t notice the truck. And that was how a truck landed in the passenger side of his car, Aaron losing consciousness and somehow waking up in the ER of Chicago Hospital

„We called your emergency contact, they said they would come as soon as possible honey“, a nurse told him.

What they apparently did not know was that his emergency contact was Nicky, who left him for Germany.

Aaron wasn‘t mad. He got it. Nicky gave up so much for him and Andrew, never getting the love he deserved, he did his best.

Plus Nicky would probably call Andrew his way so he wasn‘t alone until he got the first possible flight to sit by his side for a few days before returning to his picture book perfect family.

Aaron wasn‘t mad. He really wasn‘t. He just missed his cousin. The only constant in his life, the only good part in his family.

Having a twin brother is pretty nice as well - in theory as well. Until said twin brother refuses to talk to you. Until said twin brother chooses his stupid boyfriend over you. Until you realize said twin brother doesn‘t care about you.

But Aaron couldn‘t blame him. He wasn‘t interesting enough for anyone to care about.

Aaron slipped in and out of consciousness

„I can‘t get morphime, I‘m an addict“, he said in one of his moments of consciousness. Not that he would particulary mind getting morphime, he wanted to get high after all, but Kevin‘s stupid little voice wouldn‘t let him go. „Why do you only call me when you‘re high Aaron?“, Kevin‘s face when he came to see him earlier, the day they decided to go to rehab together as friends and it ended up as them falling in love

„That‘s alright honey, we got you“, the nurse replied.

The next time Aaron woke up after that was in a white room, alone in an uncomfortable bed. Alone with his thoughts because Nicky wouldn‘t be here for at least another day. His brother was somewhere with Josten. The only person he really wanted to see refused to talk to him. Which is understandable to be fair.

Taylor, fuck he needed to tell her where he was.

Aaron was just about to look for his phone when someone kicked his door open, hurriedly crossing the room to be close to him.

Slowly Aaron raised his eyes, looking who it was. Kevin fucking Day was in his fucking room.

„You fucking idiot, what have you done?“, Kevin was close to tears, for whatever reason. Obviously not for Aaron, right?

„I don‘t need your fucking pity“, Aaron replied, shutting himself down, it was safer that way.

„Did you tell them you can‘t have morphine? Because you might relapse, i mean you already did but we don‘t want it to get worse. And this is not pity, this is Nicky yelling at me in Spanish cause you‘re in the hospital and he‘s in Germany and I‘m the closest to you and he does not want his son to be alone“, Day ever so unimpressed by Aaron‘s walls replied.

Nicky worrying about Aaron that much made the blonde feel warm inside, important, loved.

Nonetheless Aaron couldn‘t stop thinking about the person that didn‘t care to show up.

„Andrew didn‘t care to come, did he?“, Aaron‘s voice was barely audible as he hid his face in his pillow, in case those traitous tears made their way down his cheeks.

„Andrw does care about you, he‘s just shit at showing it, that fucking asshole“, Kevin replied in a soft voice, Irish accent slightly audible, the voice he used when he‘s about to be emotional or scared or mad or overall feeling strongly. „C‘mon what have you done Minyard?“

Was that worry in his voice? Could it be that he actually cared? No, no that couldn‘t be. Not when refused to talk to him.

„Car accident, not that its any of your fucking business“, Aaron replied, trying his hardest to sound as if he didn‘t care that Kevin was there with him, trying to push Kevin away, to protect his heart from another rejection.

„How are you?“, Kevin said, his Irish accent becoming a little stronger, voice thick with worry. Worry? Why would he worry about Aaron?

„Fucking great, I should let a truck drive into me more often. Very freeing. Very calming“, Aaron answered sarcastically, looking anywhere but Kevin‘s smaragd green eyes, maybe even the green of the lake they used to go in rehab, in the fluroscent light of the hospital.

„A truck. Drove into you?“, the Irish accent was now so strong Aaron could barely make out the words.

Aaron couldn‘t take it anymore, he turned around. Maybe Kevin would take the hint that he wasn‘t able to be close to him, not without being hurt, not without feeling empty. „Not that you would care“, he said, voice barely more than a breath against the pillow.

„Aaron first of all I can see you naked ass and not that I wouldn‘t mind the view and I‘ve seen it often enough but the nurses don‘t have to see that too. And secondly of course I care. I always did. Always will“

Something about Kevin mentioning Aaron‘s naked ass made the blonde boy blush as he turned back towards Kevin. Aaron didn‘t even notice that those strangers undressed him. That made him feel slightly uncomfortable.

„Why wouldn‘t you listen to me if you care so much? You‘re exactly like like Andrew, you guys only ever care when I‘m about to die or do something that doesn‘t sit right with you. Never about me as a person. The conecept about me maybe, but me? Me as a person? No one cares about that“, Aaron replied to the earlier statement, because he wanted to hurt Kevin, wanted the other boy to leave him just like the rest, just like he deserved. Aaron didn‘t need empty promises and lies - God know he had enough of those in his miserable life. Aaron didn‘t need pity or words of comfort or kindness. Aaron didn‘t need Kevin Day. Unless he did.

„You are Aaron Minyard. Born on the 4th of November, 8:31:45 am. You grew up in California in the house next to Nicky. Nicky and you were always close and you didn‘t have many friends because of your mom. Your mom might have abused her and I might hate her for that but you still love her and I get that because on some fucked up level I still care about Riko. You are allergic to cats, peanuts and house dust. You have a freckle right on your right hip, under your navel, from under your left eye over to the nose to the corner of your right eye. You like it when you are hold when you can‘t sleep but you hate showing affection in public. You were 13 when you started exy, because it gave you an escape, but you had to stop because the bruises from your mother‘s beating got to obvious. So you started getting into medicine. You borrowed every single book on medicine you could find and read it at night, always hidden from your mom. You had to have straight As or the beatings would be worse. Your mom did go out to have ice cream with you when it was especially bad. That‘s why you hate ice cream so much, especially vanillia because it was her favourite. Your secret hobby is skating. You feel free when you do it. You want to live at the coast, but not close to Cali, never back to Cali. You want Andrew to notice you and you hate how easily he let Neil in because obviously deserve it more and I get that. You tried drugs to escape, to see what was the appeal. Your uncle never helped you but he brainwashed you into believing he did. You grew up very religous and in an extraordinary homophobic household, you watched your cousin and only friend getting shipped away because he was different, not right, so you confinced yourself you were different. Heterosexual. When in reality you knew since you were 15 that you preferred guys. You liked girls as well. At least you thought but it‘s so much more complicated. Actually it isn‘t. You‘re asexual, you do however like the feeling of sex. You think the process is disgusting, but you still like the feeling. It has to be the right person though. It doesn‘t matter wether it‘s a boy or a girl or something else entierly, all that matters are the feelings the person makes you feel. It took you years to accept that you are not wrong, that you wouldn‘t have to go away like Nicky. You apologized to Nicky. You thought you had to be against their relationships, because that‘s what they made you believe. Old habits die hard. But you got over it and I am very proud of you. You sleep with a teddybear or with another person that cuddles you because the thought of being alone scares the living crap out of you. Your favourite flowers are sunflowers because yellow is a happy color. You hate sweets, you prefer salty snacks. You prefer coffee black, like your sould. You use sarcasm and humor as your coping mechanism. You stole my history books because you love history as well. You also love art but you don‘t think you are good enought to become an artist. You would love to work at Jean‘s studio but you are afraid to ask. You and Jean used to be friends but you cut him off and isolated yourself because your anxities and insecurities took over you again. Sometimes you have depressive episodes, in these you crave drugs more than normally. You want to stop it, you really do but somehow your brain tries to tell you you need it. You would love to have five dogs. An Irish Red Setter, an Irish Wolfhound, a poodle a big one though, a labrador and a golden retriever. You also want to adopt at least two kids. You don‘t want any child to go through what you had to go through or Andrew. So don‘t you dare tell me I never cared for you. Because I do. I listen when you tell me things. I remember every single time you came to me, black out drunk, crying and telling me you‘re worthless. Because every single time I wanted to tell you you aren‘t. You are a wonderful human being and I don‘t understand why I wasn‘t enough for you to stay but I will not let you tell me I never cared about you. Because that‘s some fucking bullshit“

Whatever Aaron expected to happen it certainly wasn‘t that. No one ever payed attention to him. No one ever listened to what he had to say. No one ever showed him that they cared about him. No one ever payed enough attention to him to see that he was worth their attention.

„You really did listen“, Aaron said, quietly, not able to put his feelings into words.

Aaron Minyared was never good with words. Causing pain with them? Yes. Sarcastic comments? Sure. But declearations of love? Or a simple thank you? Or really anything that would fit this situation? No, Aaron couldn‘t do that.

„Why wasn‘t I enough for you?“, the voice with tears, words hidden behind the strong Irish accent, was what made Aaron look up. Looking up into eyes the color of the lake they used to go to in their summer spend in the rehab clinic, tears falling down his beautiful cheeks, uncontrollable and messy.

„You? Not enough?“, Aaron whispered, eyes locked with the taller boy, „I was not enough. I was never enough. Not for my mother. Not for Katelyn. And certainly not for the Queen of Exy. I was never a good enough player, I was never a good enough student, I was never a good enough person. You deserve the best. Someone that loves Exy the way you do, someone as passionate and beautiful and strong as you. Not a burden. Not a no one like me. You deserve the sun, things that are bright and warm and beautiful. Not some broken, poor trailer trash. Not some drug addicted wannabe doctor. Some who can give you the love you need. Not someone struggeling to accept themselves. Not someon who can‘t even look at themselves accepting that they fell heads over heels in love with a man, struggeling to accept that, thinking someone will come and beat the shit out of them because it‘s the only thing you know. I don‘t understand the yearning, I don‘t understand the wanting, I don‘t understand the pain your absence causes me. Because I was never loved. Not properly. I mean sure I know Nicky loves me, but that‘s different. You deserves someone who‘s not too fucked up to be able to show love, not someone so fucked up they don‘t even understand the concept of love. You deserve somoene who can give you things. I can‘t offer you anything. Nothing. Nothing but a heart screaming your name. Nothing but a mind you reign. And I am so fucking sorry I ever left you without saying goodbye. I am so fucking sorry for being a coward. It was never because I stopped loving you. In the contrast. It was because there was not a single day where I thought I was good enough for you. There was not a single day the little voice in my head would shut up about how you are way to fucking good for me. You deserve so much more than I can offer you. So much more“, Aaron‘s voice broke at the last more.

„This was never your choice to make. I am a grown up fucked up man, I can decide who I can and will love very good on my own and I know you never wanted to hear it. But I chose you. I‘ve been falling in love with you ever since I met you. Started with a cute little crush. Ended up here“, Kevin said coming closer and closer to Aaron. „You talk about being so fucked up, well guess what? So am I. I am sick and tired of being seen as the Queen of Exy, of being reduced to Exy and my past alcohol problem. It‘s like I am nothing but the stick in my hand. I am nothing but the sport my mother invented. I am not even a human being anymore. At least that was what I was told. Until I met you. You and your stupid sarcatic remarks. The thougt of you seeing me was enough for me to keep trying to impress you somehow, make you see something worth keeping. But it was never enough. It would never be enough for someone to stay“

„Kevin Day. Born on the 22nd February 1986. Excuse me I don‘t know the exact time but about 7:15 pm. Your favourite color is red, not the Ravens red, the deep dark red of the Trojans because you associate it with Jeremy Knox and he was some kind of fucking sun in the nest. You had something with Jean in the nest. Riko that absolute fucking asshole somehow found out and tried to force you to do terrible things to Jean. But you couldn‘t do it. Not because you are weak like you like to think, no because you are kind and have heart of gold. I can‘t believe I just said that I want to vomit. Eww. Anyways you have massive self-esteem issues because you either think you‘re a walking failure or you have a god complex and there is no fucking in between and I love that about you. You have a constellation of freckles on your back and a little tattoo on your left hip. It‘s a little sun and a little moon on the right. Because you love the sun because it‘s bright and warm and you like that. The moon is far away, it‘s cold and lonely. The sun is your mother. You are the moon. Over your heart you have your mother‘s signature tatooted. Because she watches over you and unlike mine you actually can associate nice things with her. You want to move to Ireland once you retire. Because you want to be closer to your mom. You have your whole ass wedding planned already, because you love planning events like that. It‘s like your fucking secret superpower. You think cows are adorable and you want to pet one so badly. You are scared of chickens and swans and ducks. You are lactose intolerant and you have sport indicated asthma. You don‘t like when other people touch your arms and your back. You like forhead kisses. You like holding hands. You like showing affection, but not in public because you‘re scared what people think of you. You pretend to be arrogant and an asshole but it‘s all just walls around yourself to protect you. Secretly you just want someone to see right through it. Unlike me you do actually paint and you love photography. I know you rented a secret little atelier. Your favourite historical period is the 20th centuriy and you are oddly obsessed with eastern european and Irish history. You love horses. You love cows. You want to do horse riding once. You try so very hard to be more than just Exy. Hyperfixations are your coping mechanism. And spontaniously buying like 10 books. You love reading. You love tea. Your favourite genere is in fact not historical fiction but fantasy fiction based on history. You love rambling about random historical facts and I loved listening to it. You love soft kisses more than the hungry ones. You hate that people want you for your body, not your personality. You hate being sexualized. You hate being an object. You hate your title. But at the same time you love it. You just want to make your mother proud. And your dad. Right now you‘re wearing your mother‘s ring around your neck. Wymack found it somewhere and gave it to you. You haven‘t put it down ever since. You want to paint your nails because you think it looks pretty but you worry too much what people would think about you. You listen to classical music. You play the violin and the piano. You learned it at Palmetto somehow. You learned it because your mother used to play the fiddle, said it made her think of Ireland somehow, and when you were sad she played you some Irish lullabies on it. You love the Irish culture. You love Ireland. And your biggest dream is to get married on one of Ireland‘s cliffs. Because the ocean calms you down. Helps your anxiety. In summer your face is covered in freckles and not only your face. Oddly. You actually love swimming. Or sitting at the water. Looking at it. You collect books. You collect stones. You collect whatever you think is beautiful. You also like collecting shells. You hate to label yourself but you always preferred boys. There are days where you feel more feminie, days where you feel more masculine and days where you feel like neither. Today is a masculine day I see. Jeremy made you braclets when you

told him you were like him. You feel terrible about leaving Jean back but you also know that it was necessary. You are strong and beautiful and I know you canno see that and I know you don‘t want to hear that. You are more than your body. You are so much more. And the only reason I was stupid enough to leave you was because I thought I was not good enough. And an unhealthy amount of internalized homophobia. I just hear my mother‘s voice inside my head when I hold your hand or kiss you and I hate that. The moment I had to sleep without you the voices grew louder and it didn‘t even take a week before I had to find a dealer. I called you when I was high because the voides were silent. I called you when I was high because admitting that I missed you and that I need you was easier than. The two to four hours I slept were filled with you. In my dreams you were with me. You kissed me. You held me in these ridicously strong hands. You were with me and the world was okay. And when I woke up and you weren‘t here I just didn‘t want to get up. My grades got worse because I wasn‘t able to concentrate without you. Yes I am able to funciton without you, it was just nice to have something good in my life once. And yes I will be able to keep it up without you. A B or C here and there won‘t hurt too much. I will probably be able to become the neurologist I want to be. I will get through life. It will just not be the same. It will just be grey and black and white. With you I had colors“

„That was hard for you to say right?“, Kevin asked, tears still silently running down his cheeks.

Aaron nooded, watching as Kevin‘s face came closer and closer until he could feel his breath against his cheeks.

He was about to ask someone as a loud knock was on the door and the door was opened rather aggressivly, making Kevin get away quickly.

#all for the game #the foxhole court #the raven king #the king’s men #jean moreau #jeremy knox #kevin day #aaron minyard #ship: jerejean #jerejean #ship: kevaaron #kevaaron

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