#but im fat. ill never look like these people. and i cant look at them as an accurate approximation of how i will look

[widevibratobitch]

.

#tw ed #saw a picture of myself from when i was *checks notes* at my fucking worst with my ED but that meant i was also Thinner. #i really should Go Back huh. maybe if i did i wouldnt feel. Like This. #it'd prolly mean id start losing my hair again which. not a big fan. BUT. #if i was really dedicated i could also lose my period which. huge fan. that was one of the best things that ever happened to me tbh #i could have it all back. maybe i could even get farther than the last time. all it would take is uhh feeling utterly fucking miserable #having no energy for the most basic stuff let alone singing and thinking about nothing and i mean NOTHING but calories 24/7. #but hey. maybe i could like. lose 5 kg for my troubles and then gain back twice as much when i decide again that i just Cant Live Like This #totally worth it huh #anyway. i miss hating my body A Little Less and people being Nicer to me and everyone telling me how good of a job im doing #and encouraging me to keep going. and i miss the sense of Accomplishment and the Pride and the Not Feeling Disgusting #or at least Making Up For It by just. not eating lol #cause like its not like im actually much better mentally am i lmao clearly im not. only now im both miserable AND fat. #obviously ill never be s/kinny let alone as s/kinny as my friends. ill still look like a glitch in the system and a mistake next to them. #but if i have to be miserable anyway i could at least be. less f/at about it right. maybe then ill be worth something <3 #...and other delusions you keep cultivating because there's something deeply and inherently wrong with you #my new bestseller coming soon to your nearest bookshop dont miss it its only $free.99!

[newfruits]

okay so. i've been really considering doing hrt.... i'm starting the in-depth research phase and i'm gonna bring it up with my therapist today and my doctor in a couple weeks since i already have an appt. i'm trying to find more fat nonbinary people on T bc society favours skinny ppl and thats just. not going to happen for me! it gives a biased view. going on T will not make me magically skinny as much as i would like to fantasize! and i would like to see real life ppl that did temporary hrt to medically transition as a nonbinary person. if u happen to know of someone that talks about that lemme know

#glub glub #i've watched a few videos of ppl who have done this and i want what they have so badly #but im fat. ill never look like these people. and i cant look at them as an accurate approximation of how i will look #as much as i want to look like these people! and yeah i have a looooot of internalized fatphobia and it sucks #anyways. hrt would also be temporary! i'm thinking like #a year maximum. #it's just. it's a scary roll of the dice! i really want abc effects from hrt but i could also get none of those and only xyz effects #so i'm still mulling it over #i really hadnt thought of it at all until june asked me and it's been stuck in my head since then #i would kill to look more angrogynous and not be read so much as a cis woman #i never really considered hrt as an option for me

[luxxtuxx]

WAIT CUTE IDEA hobie could be talking to pav and the topic of reader comes up, Hobie starts ranting about how cool she is (all fluff and stuff) and reader comes up walking totally oblivious and pav says “speak of the devil” and she’s worried he was taking sour of her but pav reassured her it was all good things while Hobie is just kinda baffled by her beauty until he snaps out of it and covers pavs mouth so he doesn’t spoil his big fat crush on her

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!

This is a hobie X Fem Reader.

CW: Pav missing social cues and almost spilling the beans to YN

Im sorry if I spelled pavitrs GFs name wrong. My autocorrect won't let me change it

~~~~~~~~

Hobie watched the girl he loved do tiktok dances with gwen, watching her laugh and cheer. He watched as she struggled with a fast pace dance, seeing how today she was in the 3-inch, knee-high platform hot pink boots he bought her for her birthday. Her outfit looked adorable, A white top with a panda on it, a black and pink plaid skirt, ripped-up black tights, her boots, with a cute fluffy black purse

Pavitr walked over and looked at hobie confused "Hey Dude! Why are you pink? And why are you staring at Y/n and gwen?" he tilted his head confused. It took a second "OH MY GOD YOU LI-" hobie quickly moved and covered Pavi's mouth as Y/N looked their way.

He huffed, "Stay quiet man. she can't know" He growled at him. Pav cheers "Awwww that's so cute! if you ask her out, we could have a double date with me and Gaytari!" Hobie looked at his Indian friend with a frown. "Bruv cant. She is so much better than me" The punk sighs.

"What makes you think that? he asked sitting next to the tall punk. Hobie looks at Pav like he is offended. "Bruv, Have you seen her?" he sighs a bit "Those gorgeous eyes, and her colorful style, her never-ending kindness, Oh and have you seen the way she takes care of Mayday." he stared at the ceiling, "her voice... just her saying hi makes me all happy, I don't get it. I don't know how she has such a hold on me. Every time she looks at me I fall farther in love." He growls "Im not supposed to be soft or mushy or sweet, But she makes me feel that way. And I hate it and love it at the time Ya know" he looked at Pav, who muttered to him "Speak of the devil"

Y/n walks over, "Good morning, pav I thought you were spending the day with Gaytari." Pav hums "I was until I got talking with hobie about his crush" hobie quickly hit his arm "-INg new song!" She could tell Pav was lying "That was great, really good show stopper now the truth"

Hobie was quick to make a cover "Truth is umm, Pav was trying to rally people together to go to that ice cream place you always talk about" He sighs calming down when she bought that lie. "Oh COOL ILL GO ASK GWEN AND MILES" The second she walked off hobie turned red "YOU ALMOST TOLD HER" Pav ran away at the dark voice and hobie chased him

Bonus:

Hobie and the squad sat at your favorite ice cream parlor happily nomming down on the ice cream. Y/n had picked a flavor for everyone, "Mm! Hobie try this" She held her cone near his lips, And at his actions, she gasps. "HE BIT MY ICE CREAM! ARE YOU CRAZY?!" she moved gwen in between them, all of them joking around as hobie watched her joke and thought (I am crazy.... Crazy in love with you)

#atsv hobie #hobie brown #hobie spiderverse #hobie headcanons #hobie x y/n #spider man: across the spider verse #spider punk #spiderpunk #fluff #across the spiderverse #hobie brown x you #hobie x you #hobie x reader #hobie fluff #hobie my beloved

[sarromanni]

sometimes i feel like some goofy little teenage girl with her silly illness and other silly problems that nobody knows about. and i enjoy being like this, i enjoy writing stupid things on my blog that receive two likes. i look in the mirror and i may hate what i see but i also imagine myself a few kilograms skinnier and that makes me happier. im daydreaming in school, thinking about all the things i can be once i lose all this weight. i go home, fall onto my bed, open tumblr and look at all these posts of people that actually understand me.

but there are days when i realize that this is just an illusion. that im actually falling apart and the fact that i romanticize it is making it even worse. i have nobody to talk to, nobody who gets me. i always get into stupid arguments about food with my parents or that one friend of mine. i cant eat until somebody suggests it. i hear my classmates talking about ana, one explaining it to the other and the other one saying "i dont even now the difference between ana and bul!m!a." "how can somebody be so stupid?" and im sitting there, feeling even more lonely. looking at those people who are loosing weight the healthy way, not understanding how they dont have eds. comparing myself to children, to random people on the streets. wondering which one of them also has an ed. overthinking every single bite, regreting it after. excersizing even tho im a dizzy mess, drinking tons of energy drinks, messing up my stomach. dressing into oversized clothes so nobody can see how horrible i look. covering every inch of my body, wishing i could also cover my ugly face. looking in the mirror and feeling absolutely nothing but pure pain. its not only about my stomach, thighs and arms. its about my cheecks, my fingers, my neck. every part of me feels fat, some parts with to be dead. its about my face, how i could never be "pretty skinny girl" but only "ugly skinny girl." and how im not even that. how im just fat. the fatest.

what if im faking it?

what if im faking it everytime i plan what im gonna eat in the whole week on monday morning. what if im faking it everytime i step on the scale, naked, making sure my pants dont weight 5kg. what if im faking it everytime i have to drink caffeine just to be able to walk.

what if im faking it because im so obviously not sick enough?

#anorex14 #ed bllog #pro a4a #tw ana rant #tw ana diary #tw ana shit #an0r3c1a #ana rant #starv1ng #tw ed diet

[nevarroes]

i refuse to send these thoughts separately:

who would cas main in league, he wouldnt play isnt an answer the mans gender is at least 25% calling people slurs on mic

okay but what if what if um 🥺👉👈 someone wanted to write a thing but they were super anxious about getting cas’s voice right in part because by the nature of how you share your creative concepts the only solid vibe they get is Doesnt Talk A Lot, When He Does Its 90% Weird Rude Mean Shit, hence the cesare big top burger comparison

and fuckin um i forget if ive ever asked, i mostly process cas’s fuckedupedness through a lens of npd, but am more familar with bpd because my own brain garbage is a bit of both and having had many loved ones with bpd, does cas ever fully freak the fuck out in an insecure attachment way trying to make gortash Go Away or trying to leave himself(but coming back generally), might characterize that Oh No Hes Going To Die leaves forever cant handle loss unless he “choses” it meltdown in a similar menthol eelnessTM vein

i especially love thinking about cas being extremely insecure because reality will never live up to his delusions of self importance perfection and grandeur because fun fact :^) a side affect of those thought patterns is constant disappointment in a reality of self that can never meet those expectations :^^^)

casim “i AM perfect or ill DIE” carnavorn

honestly "Doesnt Talk A Lot, When He Does Its 90% Weird Rude Mean Shit" is pretty on point here😭😭 I used to say like everyone desires him and then he opens his mouth and theyre like "hmmm yeah idk if this one's worth it chief". Like he has no filter at all but it isn't like he doesn't do it on purpose it's more like he goes out of his way to make sure everyone leaves in a worse mood than before, if that makes sense? Gortash would join in though honestly.... type of situation where Gortash tries to introduce them to some noble family on a party and Cas just drops that some poor girl looks like a fat cow (see this is funnier considering that he stands next to Gortash but ain't nobody gonna say that back) 🙏

aside from that though like.... in private? I suppose this may be more of a tone thing and I'm a VERY mid writer so I couldn't even tell you how I'd show this of the top of my head but I suppose he's more... clearly affectionately teasing? because yeah he obviously stays teasing and calls him a fat bastard in private still and such but it's very obvious if you look at them for a second that it's like a far cry from how he treats everyone else (smth smth his gaze very clearly softens and he allows himself to giggle and you can tell that they have been knowing each other for a long time)

okay sorry im YAPPING but ! ....If you want to write something I'd be over the fucking moon either way honestly like??😭 tbh I think you sound like you get him a lot already but also let me just say additionally... I see Cas as a character that's pretty flexible anyways because he erm... he has mood swings but also doesn't really have smth I'd consider a set speech pattern or something that he needs to sound in character?

anyways concerning the npd/bpd thing I never quite drew a line for him or anything to put him more into one camp but. I mean yeah based on the dying of old age scenario... LMFAOO but also yeah he does. Cas is the type of person that will literally leave the city for months or lock himself in and try to "become a new person" (he literally has moment where he's like "maybe I should just become who Bhaal wants me to be. maybe it would be easier") if there's some dispute with Gortash. It usually ends with Gortash forcing him to meet him again and Cas being something along the lines of "oh my fucking god can I just stop loving you already" but yeagh u know the fact that Gortash is kinda the only person he ever liked or even saw as a friend just makes it worse tbh

and the insecurities/delusions thing? yeah exactly what you said. a lot of his insecurities are insane too tbh like "I can never be what everyone desires" but then he loses it if he's NOT what someone desires, Gortash saying smth along the lines of "I like women too" would be enough to make him walk off a ledge because he can't be that part (smth smth I can be most perfect man on the planes but I'll never be a woman. funnier when u know he could use incubus illusion magic but he refused to his whole life). But anyways yeah as I said once Cas is like... a DEEPLY insecure person at his core even if he'd never admit or think that it shows

anyways after this analysis... Cas plays adc and shits on every support he plays with💯 He mains aphelios because he wants to look at a man but also because he thinks he's better than anyone else for playing a complex champ... hope u see my vison

#blakemail #cas lore #i thinks.... #i think gortash said that ONCE btw just to piss him off but he didnt know to what extent and it genuinely made Cas leave the city #this ones def a deep fucking trauma from his incubus days because of some weird incubus/succubus rivalry that got really out of hand #actually everything is a trauma from that time he got there like when he was a bit TOO YOUNG #fatphobia #mention i suppose

[d1et-cok3]

Hey so i know i haven't posted in a month or two and im sorry about that but for like all of November Ive been in a binge cycle and i cant stop its genuinely scares me how much i eat and im constantly hungry i an feel my body begging for food and Ive recently started looking forward to meals which is terrifying i can see myself getting fatter instead of skinnier and it makes me wanna die i just want to stop eating but its getting so fucking hard to even skip one meal then i get home i eat more its like all my self control is gone and all my progress is going down the drain im horrified of getting back into the 170s i was so huge and at least right now im not as big as before but Ive been smaller even though i never really been small in the first place Ive been fat all my life and i need to break the cycle and be the skinniest one in my family and friend group i want to look pretty in clothes and be able to shower without wanting to drown myself right then and there and i cant help but notice how many times Ive said im getting back on track but it never works i miss my honeymoon phase when i dropped like 15 pounds in a month then it all just kid of froze and i gained and dropped the same weight for like 3 months and now im gaining even more and it feels like im suffocating in it in all of the food i eat and my fat i miss almost passing out when i stood up and always being dizzy i miss the dread when it came to eating not me squealing like a pig in excitement i can tell its bad when i finish my food or get seconds or eat faster or let myself get dirty plus i broke my phone so i cant track everything as efficiently especially because of school and its been really hard and i don't have a scale and i can feel clothes that were getting looser getting tight again and its mortifying i want to die or just bleed out i want to cut all the fat out of my body and just be skinny i know i need to love the process but its hurts and this cycle has hurt me worse physically and mentally then starving ever did i miss bruising easily being pale and looking like i hadn't slept or ate in days i wish that i didn't give in so easily its embarrassing how sometimes i ask if someones hungry and they say no but i eat anyway my brain still judges people for being fat when there skinnier than me and it hurts because i wish that i could be that skinny and eat food without gaining its not fair people in my school say that they wanna be fat or gain lots of weight and i tell them why they don't but they don't understand how much worse literally my whole life is because of it sorry about my ramble i just am struggling to cope with his and a lot of shit is happening in my life and me losing control is not helping i hope this is the last time i have to say this but i am going to be getting my life together and i will be skinny my goal was to be skinny by Christmas while i know that cant happen now kms but i can be skinnier and i can be better then now i hope to weigh less than my sister for once and get the smaller size unlike now when i bet a size bigger every time people will buy us stuff and she gets a small and i get a medium and there like i hope it fits like im not that fat damn but there right Jesus that was a lot to type anyways wish me luck and i really hope this works ill try and update you on my progress but i might forget lol. bye thank you.

November 29th 2023

#tw ed diet #tw ana trigger #tw disordered eating #tw ana diary #an0r3c1a #thinspø #pro a4a #ed not sheeren #ed no sheeran #st4rv1ng #rant #im not okay #sk1nn1

[smileymoth]

Im being mentally ill sorry chat

I need to kill myself at this point because I'm never going to get better in any way shape or form. I cant eat healthy because I get fucking weird about it. And I'd be okay with it because frankly I don't care if I make myself sick but at the same time I'm scared I'll die at 40 from heart failure because starvation kills your organs and your heart. But I'd not eat healthy in the first place so would it even matter. I hate that I can't say that I wish I was skinny because that means I'm scum of the earth bc i hate fat people even though I dont I just hate myself and everything to do with me because I'll never be enough for myself because I have crippling dysmorphia that makes me want to kill myself. I can'tlook at myself in the mirror i cant look at photos of myself because i hate my body so bad but i cant change it because i keep fucking eating i need to stop fucking eating i need to start counting calories again if i ever want to be skinny and get surgey god its such a long way to go to be skinny i wish i was underweight i wish i hhadnt gained 25kilos over the span of 3 years i need to kill myself because its all my fault its my fault i cant eat or work out properly or be healthy about it because im too depressed to cook for myself and im addicted to sugar and i have no energy or motivation to do things ever. What if its my fuckibg meds that raise my weight so much what if i went off them what if i stop taking them and eventually kill myself because being dead is bettef than being fat right thats what rhe doctors probably want you to beliebe. I look soooo normal on the outside im like smiling and laughing and i looknormal and happy to other people because i have nothing to prove to them for me beung sick beside them knowing i take meds and me joking about being suicidal. I dont have lost weight nor any scars to show them . God i wish i had the courage to cut my arm up so bad i had to get stitches but i cant because i lovr my mom and my mom loves me toi much and i dont want to worry her i already am terrifued of her seeing the small scars on my thighs . I cant even tell if cutting helps because it gives a nice adrenaline rush but then itd over and i feel guilty bc itll leavw scars that people can see i wish people didnt care aboyt scars i wish they healed and disappeared faster so i wouldnt havw to hide them but i also want them to see because i feel like its the only way i could prove to them that im ill and not just joking about it. I need to starve mtself and get skinny because theb maybe someobe will tell me im pretty because ill finally wear pretty clothes and i need to get rid of my tits and i need ro lose the weight for that abd im so scared i wont be able to . Its only 10 kilos it shouldnt be so scary to lose but i lost 5 in dec/january so before i even went to thw gym and now ibe lost nothing in 2 montjs and its so scary i hatw it i hate that im mentally il i hate that ik not ill enough for anyone to care . Im so pathetic it hurts really i need to kill myself but i cant because of my mom and it sucks . Im never going to get better and im never going to feel pretty enough or good enough in my life im always going to feel like a failure so why am i even trying anymore . I want to die but i dont i just want to be happy but i cant do that so i want to kill myself instead but i cant kill myself soim just stuck in this limbo of wishing i was a better person that im never going to be. I wish i had the self control to just not fucking eatif i cant make proper healthy food for myself i dont deserve it i dont deserve good thibgs i need to get beat up on the street by someone i dont deserve good rhings because i havent earned them im always gking to be a little freak thafs not enough for herself or the world because shes a depressed fat probably autistic freak whose only wish is to be happy and find love that i wont get becayse i cant talk to people. I also need to stop posting my mental breakdowns on tumnlr bc its not helping anyone but here we are. Im not a good person am i

#moth post #ed tw #sh tw

[rubberduckyrye]

im an ouma kinnie who cant even be open about it because ill get dogpiled to hell and back for being a n*zi when. he isnt one at all and its such a reach but i digress

Oh my god I am SO sorry for you, anon. Well, this is a safe space for kins of any kind, so I hope you can find some comfort in that. ;w;

Anyway major salt incoming.

As for the whole "Kokichi is a Nazi" thing--like. My god. This old debate. I hate it with a burning passion. It's just--it's just wrong.

Look. Japan uses a lot of similar imagery in their culture to Nazi Germany. The red arm bands used for club leaders in high school. School uniforms resemble what I think is formal Japanese military uniforms (like, non-war uniforms?) They use the same kinds of hats too.

Also. Fandom wake-up call time.

I'm sorry but if Kokichi is a Nazi then wtf is Kiyotaka to them?

Or Korekiyo???

These two have the red armbands and illusion to military attire--something FAR CLOSER to Nazi imagery than a stupid hat with a skull on it that doesn't even have a canon sprite to its name. Why do these guys get a free pass? Is it because Kokichi had the bad luck of being the Ultimate Leader and there was a piss poor fantranslation calling him a Dictator? Because literally the only elements to Kokichi design that you can say are Maybe Inspired by Nazi Germany attire is his hat. Which only just kind of looks like one of the hats worn by Nazi Germany. I never found an exact match for it myself, so idk. Regardless, Kiyotaka and Korekiyo both had WAY more ties to that attire than Kokichi does.

Or if we're going to talk about problematicly-designed characters in general, why is Fuyuhiko getting no hate? He's literally a crimelord--a mafia boss. Why are mob bosses okay? Are you saying that mob bosses don't maim, murder, exploit, or abuse people? Did you know that certain factions of the Yakuza are known for human trafficking? That includes sex slavery. You do know that, right?

Not only is Fuyuhiko properly translated to be a Yakuza/mob boss, but his design has FAR more ties to the Yakuza/mafia than Kokichi has to nazi germany. And the game he's in makes him a sympathetic character to top it off!

And let's not even get into the anatomical horror that is Hifumi. Like if you want to talk about offensive design choices, Hifumi is by far the worst contender as the most offensively designed character. Fucking egg with twig legs, as if that's how fat people work at all!

Anyway what I'm getting at is that the people who don't like Kokichi look for any reason to hate on him, even if the reasons to hate on him would apply to other characters in the franchise. They just want to have a "legitimate" reason to hate him so they can legitimize their rage and validate themselves for attacking his fans. It's disgusting behavior tbh.

NOTE: The only design I think that's actually offensive out of the ones I've listed is Hifumi, solely for his piss poor fat anatomy. Even then, you don't see me going around and harassing people who actually like Hifumi for the fatphobia in his design.

.... I just noticed that Hifumi isn't even wearing SOCKS. nkdjegnjkngkfr

Anyway salt time over.

#not tagging this as fandom because I am not in the mood #ask to tag for potential triggers tho

[getitoffyourchestofficial]

hi this is a lot im sorry. i love to say words and dump shit that upsets me with no real correlation. my bad /gen (genuine) (idk if you know tone indicators im sorry ough)

you dont really Have to cook up a proper response to this i just need to put it somewhere where i wont immediately get piles of advice that i cant use. i know its well-meaning but ultimately the whole situation is ou of anyones control

(also putting this 🎪 here so i can try to find it later)

im stuck in a sisyphean nightmare of a weekly cycle: i have a good day -> my mood skyrockets -> i have a bad day -> my mood plummets -> rinse and repeat. at this point i think it might be a mental condition bc something doesnt even really have to Ruin My Day, i just have to face a minor inconvenience and then suddenly im all doom-and-gloom depression for 3-5 business days before springing back up as if nothing ever happened to do it all again. my mom says i might have bpd or bipolar disorder (i always get the two confused) because she has it and we just havent seen anyone about it, mostly because we dont have the money to see any doctors most of the time. i also kinda dont wanna have either of them? not in like an asshole way but in a these-people-face-stigma-that-i-dont-know-if-i-can-emotionally-handle way. in a im already queer and fat and poor and disabled in multipled ways and overall unsavory to neurotypicals/cishets/Default Settings way. yknow

todays inciting incident was a shitty shitty halloween carnival that didnt even have the thing i was excited for, didnt have any food, had lines that were miles long (hyperbole), was too hot, and i only got 8 shitty halloween things from -- half of which were lollipops, with half of those just being the same 2 flavors but Again. we stayed for 2 hours before my mom decided she didnt wanna be out of the house anymore as usual. i cant be too mad at her because shes mentally ill in the direction of "i dont want to go anywhere because my anxiety will spike" but unfortunately im mentally ill in the direction of "if i cannot leave the house to Do Things at my own pace at least once a week i will fall into a deep depression" so we clash pretty bad most of the time. this was also following multiple minor inconveniences mind you. and was also trailed by multiple minor inconveniences. it just has not gone well. this halloween is just shaping up to suck bc i was supposed to have a whole party but we had money issues so it had to be cut down to just 2 people for a sleepover, then one of them went out to see his grandma in another state and the other is apparently in the fucking hospital right now??? at least according to his posts. and i cant blame them for these either! schedules conflict and sometimes you go to the Fuckig Hosital. its out of anyones control but it still feels like shit. so its looking like my only shot at having any fun this halloween is the trunk-or-treat at my school and idk if im even allowed to go bc i had to drop out for mental health reasons and they told me i wasnt allowed on school grounds anymore. idk if that applies here. which btw. way to make a depressed kid feel worse. you can NEVER come to this high school again or we'll ARREST YOU. fuckin bullshit. BUT thats off topic the synopsis is that this halloween sucks so far and i dont really expect it to get better which extra sucks bc im turning 18 next year and i dont wanna let this be the last hurrah for my number one favorite holiday. i cant host fucking parties for my friends after then. im gonna be busy trying to fuck off to the other end of the country. i wont have TIME for it. idk. it sucks. this sucks. fuck art and fuck you /ref (reference) /nbh (nobody here)

Ik you don't want advice for this so I'll just put it on the blog.

And idk if you want it but here's a tea

☕

[boinurmom13]

BRIEF OC INTRO AND A SHIT LOAD OF JADU HEADCANONS!!

hey guys,,,,…

back at it again at brainstorming what farms and farmers ill create once sve 2.0 comes out

idk if ive ever said this, or emphasized it enoigh, but im an avid jadu fan. like. i love him so much its not funny. like once 2.0 come out im dropping lance for jadu and camilla (im sorry).

so, in order to encompass that, heres a new addon to the barabell bloodline (if it isnt enough) with jo. (who actually pursues jadu)

there are shocking similarities between bo and jo its almost..,,, almost as if… almost as if jo’s one of bos… one of bos, and dare i say it, old designs. (shes not distrustful of guilds, tho, and is more rational than her cousin. otherwise theyre really similar in personality. they dont even knoweach other. i rly like to recycle i think its fun)

all of the extra shit under the cut cuz this is a LONGGG post

example here (pls ignore how bad it is ive grown ok. ive grown. ik the anatomys off. ik shes got back breaking tits. ik. ok. shut up)

and now, the new and improved one! where shes just better. i love her. oh, and also, yes ik she looks similar to ophelia. theyre both old designs of bo, but also half sisters. yeah, thats right. ophelias mom had an affair. anyways, i love them both equally (no i dont i love ophelia more)

anyways ik we had nothing on jadus personality but i cant help but think hes immature. like stupidly immature. and annoying. and talkative. but all in the GOOD way yk. ik his portraits and looks say hes probably more calm and mellow, maybe even a little cranky and professional, but also like…. his dialogue???

yes, jadu, i did kmow but mirages but thanks for telling me. i guess i am p well known im the guild… maybe, maybe just a lil bit hehe. im glad i stopped by too, even tho its just ot see ur face teehee

dialogue im referencing:

"Mon": "You've heard of mirages? Sometimes when it gets hot enough out here, the air shimmers, and it's like you can peer into a different world.$0",

"Wed": "I've heard people mention you a few times, @. You're pretty well known in the Guild, huh?$1",

"Tue": "yawn It gets pretty monotonous out here. I'm glad you stopped by to visit.$0",

yeah, but anyways i love jadu

did i ever share jadu headcanons? like, ever? im not sure. ik a lot of these are prolly not true, but i love to hc so many people as goofy. like. genuinely silly.

anyways, here's a bunch of jadu hcs

1) I know he's probably not going to end up AroAce, but I do not really see him being too into relationships. Like, he's obviously going to end up at a datable/someone who develops crushes considering he has blushing portraits, but I have never seen this guy being SUPER into relationships. he seems like he has little to no interest in them, or just doesn't experience those emotions. i might have to ease out of this headcannon, but that's cool. i can still heavily hc that he's demiaroace/grayaroace. who's gonna stop me? not any of you thats for sure.

2) super skinny. like. concerningly skinny. but he's self-conscious about it. idk if i've every brought this headcanon up in detail, but i've always imagined that magic can vastly alter the human body. like, it can go as little from pink hair (lance) to actually mangling and destroying the body from the inside out. in jadu's case, the energy the magic eats up leaves him without much fat or muscle on his bones. he often has to overeat just to keep up with it. the idea that he's never going to be physically fit for the job kinda bums him out, but his magic keeps him viable for his position.

3) silly. that's it. he's just silly sometimes. goofy, even.

4) really talkative. ready to info dump on anything he knows about, especially when under pressure/in high pressure areas. doesn't matter what it is. his job? yes. magic? of course. what happened in 2005? put a gun against his head and then he will. also really knowledgable in firearms. for no reason, either. like, he doesn't use them or want to. he just knows a lot about them.

5) if he does end up liking someone, chances are it's gonna be someone strong and independent. serious, but lets loose easily. like, as long as he can depend on someone and they don't need to depend back he's set. (mostly scared of accidently letting them down, but he's also kind of attracted to power that he doesn't have. like, he'd swoon over a chick that body builds proudly)

6) blunt. i think he's a really blunt person. not in a rude way, but also isn't afraid of telling the truth.

7) i think he's sometimes accidentally really horrible. like, saying things that would sound horrible coming out of any other person's mouth. don't get me wrong, jadu's a total feminist, lgbt ally/part of group, anti-racist, yada yada. like, he is super progressive, but sometimes it's just so easy to twist his words into something worse.

Jadu: I don't like the fact that you're right.

Jo: Why?

Jadu: Because it's you! It's just, you. And people like you. Like, I can't stand knowing I was corrected by someone like you.

Jo: Like me? So a woman? What, you think women can be right? Is that it?

Jadu: what.

Jadu: NO WAIT

poor example, but yall get what im getting at

8) genuinely funny. like, i think jadu would be an excellent comedian. probably pisses camilla and isaac off with out non serious he is. (camilla only in certain situations, tho)

9) really likes the song "macarena" even if it doesnt fit with the rest of his music taste.

10) probably a huge bookworm/nerd. i see him collecting old victorian romance novels either to rub it in lance's face that he has a larger collection than him (unaffective) or because he craves that kind of love, even if he can barely feel it. oh yeah, you heard me. jadu's INCREDIBLY guilty about his lack of romantic and sexual feelings towards people. it makes him feel like a total outcast.

11) short king. like isaac, i think jadu's probably considered short by American beauty standards. i'm thinking somewhere around 5'5-5'9 (165-175 centimeters to all my non 'muricans out there)

12) debating on whether or not i think he's trans. on one hand, yeah, seems like it. on the other hand, idk. maybe. if he is, definitely used magic to help him transition. (if i do end up hc him as trans, then he also definitely had a phase where he strictly used they/them and dressed femininely to try and convince himself that he wasn't fully trans. not that there's anything wrong with fem they/thems, or with trans people, but i think a lot of trans guys go through a forced feminine phase.)

13) listens to soad, icp, will wood, and slipknot. a little bit of lemon demon and tally hall, too. he also listens to a few mainstream indie rock bands, and a few old metal/rock bands.

14) fucking HATES math. absoltuely hates it. cant stand it. does not understand numbers at ALL. i actually think he's got dyscalcula.

15) also i think it'd be cool if he had echolalia, or at least frequently repeats phrases he likes or hears oher people say. mostly funny phrases, or phrases that aren't funny that he finds funny. (just like me when he repeats "shadow money wizard gang we loove castin spells")

16) definitely more internet inclined than any other guildmate of his. idk. i just think he's a part of the younger crowd, and therefore had some internet usage.

17) has a THICK galdoran accent, but has trained himself to talk in like 1000 other accents so he can mask his accent. like, if he was talking with someone from ferngill, he'd put on a ferngillian accent yk. mostly because his accents almost impossible to understand to non-galdorans

18) cannot take care of a plant even if his life depends on it. nor can he take care of a pet or anything similar. camilla cant ask him to babysit her slime (Sir Fredrick III, dont forget his name) because he'd end up cooking it for lunch without realizing.

19) loves exercise, but can preform in it well (due to the poor muscle growth). like, he loves going for a run or doing strenght training exercises, he just cant keep the muscle that he may put on.

20) has stupidly curly hair and cant control it for shit. has no clue how to maintain his hair, but is surprisingly good with makeup. like, REALLY good. (practices with camilla's makeup when she's not around. this does not make him less of a man do not say that)

ok there's 20. im sure i could come up with more (even nsfw ones if you gave me enough time to brainstorm. i have a couple but not a lot. as i've said, i dont see jadu getting down and dirty often, but ik he'll prolly be a datable once 2.0 comes out)

#sdv #stardew valley #stardew valley expanded #sve #sve jadu #jadu sve #stardew valley expanded jadu #jadu stardew valley expanded #sdv headcanons #sve headcanons #i should stop making ocs #yeah but whatever!! #i love jadu #im so excited to see how his character works out in 2.0 #cant wait for that update tbh

[homestucky]

tw for pretty heavy discussion of diet, body image, weight, eating disorders etc. and emetophobia

so i grew up overweight. ive been overweight my whole life pretty much, with the exception of maybe 2 years when i was around 19 where i was a little lighter.

im a practical person. im a reasonable person. i grew up a tomboy. i dont like shallowness. i had minimal interest in sex and relationships. i was never rejected for my appearance. looking conventionally attractive has no reason to be a high priority for me

but still

i am completely insane.

there is no other way i can say it concisely. and i suspect that if you did not grow up overweight, perhaps particularly as an overweight girl/afab person, there are some things you just cant understand, because how would you even know?

so yeah, insane. like, obsessive. deluded. unable to fully comprehend reality. i cant tell what i look like most of the time. from the age of about 7 i fantasised daily about being skinny. fantasies about shedding my outer layers and showing everyone. and i wasnt even usually someone who wanted to impress or appease boys or ‘cool’ people. i honestly am not that motivated by what people think of me. yet my goal was always - figure out how to lose weight.

any eyelash i wished on, any 11:11, it was that. i thought about it every day.

and there was honestly no reason for it. it felt like life or death sometimes. i TRIED to have eating disorders. it feels so shameful to admit - i tried and failed. its so easy to imagine how funny that might be to some (mean) people. if i dont eat regularly, i literally get faint in a way that impacts my functioning VERY quickly, and other people can see. my gag reflex does NOT work. and trust me, i have tried. for hours, once. but I cant even do that right. id binge but i couldnt purge. my body would not let me give the food up.

‘i tried to be anorexic but i got too hungry’, ‘i tried to be bulimic but i couldnt purge so i just binged’ sound like sick jokes, like things fatphobic people would say to mock people they think dont try hard enough, because overweight people are lazy.

heres the thing. its good that i wasnt able to develop these disorders. of course it is. they are terrible things and i do not take them lightly. so im glad. im lucky that my body didnt let me. but that didnt stop me from feeling like a failure, feeling frantic and like at least if i could do this people would be sympathetic, bcaus its evidence that i was TRYING, even if it was in a bad way.

the feelings i had about myself and still have...

it impacts everything. its such a massive part of my identity. it stopped me from playing, climbing, doing sports. it stopped me from playing about with style and clothing because trying things on in changing rooms, looking at myself in the mirror, made me so anxious that i would feel physically ill.

and most batshit of all, it made me truly believe that i was a joke. that any room i walked into, people would pity me or be amused by me just at a glance. that i was always viewed by everyone else as just slghtly less human. that if someone was gonna be mocked id be first.

that if i ever did anything silly or made a mistake, it would be made 100x worse by my body - like if i said something awkward, or dressed bad, or came in to class late, or fell over, it wasnt something i could just brush off. because i was already a joke, so this would just add to it. if you are skinny and you get a question wrong in class, thats fine somehow, but if youre chubby and you do the same, you are slotted into the role of ‘stupid *and* fat person’ because everybody knows that stereotype so thats just who you are.

its wack that it doesnt just impact my confidence with sports, or clothing, or people finding me attractive, but literally EVERYTHING.

it feels like as long as youre fat, ANYTHING you do could potentially have a laugh track put over it. falling, crying, laughing, dancing, getting hit by a car, it doesnt matter.

and that is an INSANE way to feel. especially aged like, 10.

i lost some weight when i was 18 but i didnt feel different. i didnt feel more worthy or like i was a better person. i wasnt more deserving of love and respect. i just had more time and some money for a gym membership, and had little by way of responsibilties so didnt stress eat. and theres the fact i was diagnosed with an overactive thyroid too.

my situation changed, my thyroid got treated, and i gained it all back and then some. so i started to feel less bad about it. how could i feel so bad about not being that weight, when being that weight required me to have a chronic disease while also spending about 14 hours at the gym a week and calorie count? it was a bit of a revelation

but the craziness didnt go away completely. its still my first wish when i see an eyelash. i still feel like i will be who im really supposed to be ““when”“ i ““finally”“ lose weight, that fabled goal ive had most of my life and rarely achieved, and it will make people like me more, understand me more, respect me more, love me more. i also know that this is not correct. but i feel it anyway.

i have a shit tonne of things to worry about, like the fact im unemployed, or the state of the whole entire world, but theres still part of me that insists that being skinny is the most important goal. because if i was skinny people would be sympathetic to any of my other failings. i work out and try to be healthy as much as i can, because i want to be fit and healthy, because i think it is helpful to improve my experience as a human animal. but still when i say ‘i just work out for fitness, i just watch my diet to make sure im getting what i need, its not about weight or looks’ on some level....im alwaaays lyingggggggg ;)

i have no reason why im saying this now. its not pertinent. i just had to get it out.

#dont want this to appear #in #tags #i know usually i could just put the tws in tags but idk it feels significant so why not just say it stright up at the beginning ykno #idk this is just a sort of vent #diet #weight #weight loss #body image #eating disorders #bulimia #anorexia #emetophobia #long post

[aggghhhhh71279534]

oh in case you were wondering my last diet attempt didn't even last 24 hours. and i immediately gave up and went back to eating like shit and never leaving the house :/

i hate being retarded rahhh!!!!!!! worst thing ever is me trying to google any tips at all to help me lose weight and most of them end up being "well you must not want to lose weight that much... just try harder" "just force yourself to do xyz" "you just have to push yourself" I HAVE ADHD IM FUCKING RETARDED OKAY!!!! I CANT MAKE MYSELF SHOWER WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I CAN DO THAT!!!

and then if i go on adhd specific spaces i get different answers! and those answers are "oh meds really helped me you gotta get on meds" IM ON MEDS. I TRIED A SHIT TON OF THEM TO FIND ONES THAT WORKED FOR ME IN EVERY OTHER WAY AND NONE OF THEM DID SHIT FOR MY APPETITE.

like damn bitch!!!! just tell me to kill myself!!! and even worse i keep seeing people being happy with their fat bodies and it just makes me really upset NOT AT THEM NEVER AT THEM!!! im upset at MYSELF because i know ill never love the way i look no matter what i weigh like!!!!! Lets all just kill ourselves

whatever!!! i just have to wait until summer to see my doctor. just a few more months <- been saying this for probably a year now (had to reschedule my drs appt when i BROKE MY FOOT)

LIKE AHHHHH!!! WHY DOES EVERYONE ELSE GET TO BE HAPPY BUT NOT ME NEVER ME ITS NEVER EVER EVER GONNA BE ME!!!!!!!!!!

[bl00dybat]

i miss being pure a lot. it was ruined so early. it didnt even start with SA it started with exposure to sexuality so young and being sexualized. why tf was i sexualizing myself so young?? why tf were people sexualizing me so young and showing me sexual shit?? it feels so disgusting and ive always felt disgusting. it all just escalated with people sexualizing me as well as a kid, harassing me, touching me AHH so much. spring and summer gives me nostalgic feelings from when i was young and nothing mattered. i hate working and seeing kids come in with their parents so full of love and life, i feel so jealous i want to cry, i wish i could start over. i know everyone wishes they were a kid again and having a child is like being able to relive it yourself and shape them in a better way than what you had. i could never have a kid. my parents didnt even know i was being tainted and i felt too much shame to tell them. being think wont resort me back to being a child. i know this. but even as a kid i had in my mind i needed to be small. the more i gained weight the more i appeared like a girl and the more disgusted i felt with myself. being small meant control and looking more masculine. it still feels that way. itll be so long before i can get surgeries and really feel complete. until then i want to shed myself of this shame full of fat. ive failed at restricting these past 3 days and i feel so ill. i was so close to 149. so fucking close. i had to be a fat piece of shit and just stuff my fucking face. craving a bit of comfort and distraction from what i feel. from going to sleep. i dont want to be forced to relive the pain everytime i go to bed. its always something horrible in some twisted way. i dont want to sleep and acknowledge this day is truly over and tomorrow i am still this person. i have to learn to love myself or i can never enjoy this life. i wish it was easier to not have such strong restrictions on what i feel is ok for me to be and do. i keep relapsing in self harm and i know being in servers that have enablers for sh and ed doesnt fucking help but god i just dont want to feel alone. i cant confide in anyone here it just causes more worry and pain and its so difficult to see them suffer because im struggling so much. theres nowhere to hide but here and i feel like eventually itll be discovered and ill be sent to a hospital or some shit to go through the same cycle ive been through 8 times before, just wasting peoples time and money. i do try to get better and not keep up horrible coping skills nothing fucking works nothing is enough to distract running away doesnt help i dont want to run but i dont want to be beat up by my brain anymorw i just want to feel numb i just want to be hurt I JUST WANT TO BE HURT please anything to make this shutupni dont want to see horrible flashbacks anymoreni hate this ptsd i hate the pain i hate the ghosts i dont want a life full of trauma i dony want to focus on all the bad i want to be ok so badly but none of this is okay my body isnt okay ill neveg be okay at this weight i have to punish myself by not eating people spend too much on me as is and its so costly just to keep me alive why bother with the extra shit?? i want to be loved and coveted but also hated and beaten until i have no choice but to die, i never reached my goals i never became a tattoo artist it is so painful to lose what little progress ive made in life but it is more painful than torturing myself everyday unconsciously? its painful to think all memoriesnof this life could be erased, nothing i did ever mattered, a handful of people remember me and when theyre gone it willnbe nobody. but i feel like such a shitstain in the world anyway and undeserving of being remembered. i already fuckednup so much please just let me restart. i would if it wouldnt hurt my bf and family so much. its torture. why be hurt because of losing me? there is nothing that is lost. i promise i dont matter and ive made you think i matter out of desperation. im sorry.

[artisticmenace]

talking abt my characterrss!! read if you want im just letting it out. might be interesting yknow. if anyone really cares too much. spoilers for the comic im going to make if anyone was really wsnting to read that. probably not but just in case yk

Starting off with my two boys from Those Days(and other characters)

Scott: so he was supposed to look like this one guy i kept seeing on pinterest and also jareth the goblin king a little bit but because of the time its set in(and also the fact that his dad is initially thought to be a homophobe) he cant be as flashy. he ended up looking more like inigo montoya.... but i kept his purple crystal earing as a token of his gay witchy king design history. he himself is meant to act a little homophobic despite coming out as a bisexual late into the plot so his design fits. he does wear makeup though. smudgy eye makup done in dark eyeshadow in fact. after the gay subplot and main plot come to a collision he'll get witchier. post high-school i think he and rodney will end up getting fashionable. hes also meant to be a touch self centered. he idolizes his dad to the point he feels he cant be "soft" at all. his dad doesnt care though. he keeps this tough guy routine to the point of not being emotionally mature enough to comfort people that well. scotts fighting habits will kick him in the ass. design wise i need to change his style of clothing a little bit because i think i want this to take place in the 80s.

Rodney: rodney is based on this one guy i had a dream about, and probably all the fanart I've seen of martin from tma. he was originally going to have the same haircut as scott and be thinner, but neither of those design choices were fun, and i wanted to make a short chubby nervous guy instead. his internalized homophobic crime is "my mom is a dyke but because people think that will make me gay i cant possibly be gay because i want to be not like my mom because her gfs are all terrible and" well he might trauma dump a little after that. rodney never met his dad but because of that he had to endure lots of terrible 'stepmoms'(his mom never married them) and they would steal from her and he would get blamed and boom bam child abuse. a lot of people say he turned out better than expected, and he really hates thinking of what he could've done. despite being a great baseball player, he is relentlessly bullied for having a lesbian mom. no one knows exactly who found this out or how. he is equally as much muscle as he is fat, and he's quite strong. unfortunately, he'd rather take the hit than fight back for fear of punishment, not so much from the school but from his mom. scott eventually finds out about Rodney's constant mistreatment, and that's when he decides to let rodney stay with him a while(around their second year of knowing each other). Mr. Haverford just accepts that rodney lives there now as hes super respectful and doesnt say much.

Lucy Campbell: her design should really tell the reader where they are because shes 80s as hell. shes scotts ex. shes kind of a dumb person in general but she knows how to influence people. i dont know how or if ill ever introduce her but she does tattoos and piercings at her house which is by a convenience store named "Myrtle's". Scott goes there sometimes. he doesnt like her anymore and she doesnt like men anymore so they just sit around and smoke. sometimes they drink and talk about life.

Susie Marshall: shes a nice person. she tutors lots of kids including Scott. scott and rodney stop going to her house after scotts dad says susies dad is a really good aim and might shoot them even if they're just there to talk about school. shes pressured into a very isolated and tidy lifestyle by her parents and doesnt really enjoy living.

#artisticmenace #themenaceuseswords #those days #those days comic #rodney fletcher #scott haverford

[blackvail22]

i talk here a bunch each day because i have no one else to talk to.

its sad, honestly.

i couldnt go to my counseling appointment, so i wont be able to see her again for another 2 weeks

thats nearly a month since ive seen her

im not doing very well so this isnt good at all lmao

idk how im going to make it another 2 weeks but all i can do is try ...

i think i start work again next week. im afraid of what has changed... probably not a lot. all i know is we have a new manager, and ive heard he's nice

i have a postop appt on tuesday for my tonsillectomy. finally i will have what my disease means explained to meeee. i keep thinking about it, and its been bothering me. i probably wont know if i have another surgery until after my next ct scan (they have to space them out so i dont get exposed to too much radiation and i had one less than a month ago) and idk when that is

im so bored. i have to be the problem

i really think i am

"my friends wont reach out" but when i reach out its super dry and they varely engage. maybe im seeing it in the wrong perspective. maybe my vision is skewed, and im seeing it in the wrong light.

maybe its because theyre busy

maybe at work

going to work

hanging out with other friends

going to hang out with other friends

i want to have a good friend group so bad but i feel like i cant have one

i feel like my only friend was em even though she used me. oh, i dont know if i ever told u the reason why we arent friends anymore

so, i dont have the best memory of the order everything happened, but ill do my best to sort it out

after spending a bunch of time together, we started to fade away. i would ask her if she wanted to spend the night, she would hesitate for a good 30 minutes, talk to her mom, and then say "sure". sometimes she wouldnt wait until we ate dinner (but a good amount of times she did) until shed say "oh i forgot something at home" or "my stomach hurts" and id walk to her house with her (except the times when she'd tell me not to).

when i walked with her, she would always say "ill be right back" and then shed be gone for 10 minutes and her mom would come out and be like "hey... she doesnt feel well so she's going to say home". and each time i would walk home crying. at this point, she was already blowing me off, not talking to me, and overall being rude, but i still went back to her every time.

this rare occasion was in early september of 2017. we only hung out, and then she said she had someone else shes hanging w at her house. she had become friends with people that hated my sister as well as a girl that honestly no one knows. em started to become them... like literally she became a copy of them. the whole group of girls would tell her that my sister is a fat, ugly whore. they fed her all of this, and they would talk and call my sister names and generally talk shit about her

a few days after i heard abt this, i saw things from em that she was having a hard time. i was outside doing yard work, and she was walking by. i said "hey, i hope you feel better" and she yelled "fuck you" at me while, again, giving me the finger.

i dont know what i did, but that was the last time in years that we would talk to each other. we would be "friends" on the bus the few days she went to school sophomore year...

now, though? i dont exist to her. i saw her at my work TWICE this past year, once being on my recent birthday, and she pretended she didnt know me. i look the same as i did before... this most recent time, she was with her boyfriend, one of the friends from '17 and her mom. as i greeted them, everyone looked over except her... her mom even did a double take.

she claims she doesnt know why our friendship went to shit when we were toxic to each other our whole friendship. it was never healthy.

she seems to be happy though, at least happier than me. shes pregnant again. im not sure of the gender, but i think its going to be a boy. she's always wanted to be a mom, so i hope shes a good one.

[uselessbutfunny]

Yo My People

TW:Eating Disorders And Other mental

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I wanna talk about this for a sec, Eating Disorders have been a huge part of my life since before I was born and I wanna share with you my journey (that is not even close to finished)

I am 156 kg, I have an eating disorder called Binge/Compulsive eating disorder

My grandma was anorexic and she pushed it on to my mom who was also anorexic.

I grew up knowing this because my mom never wanted to hide from me that she struggled

I knew that Eating Disorders were bad and that I should avoid them but then I got hospitalized for a suicide attempt and I was roommates with an anorexic depressed girl, Let's call her Emily (obviously not her real name) Emily was so depressed and I could see how she suffered but I found myself wanting her skin and bones body type...then one day I was sitting with her and another girl from a different room who suffered from severe clinical depression. We talked about our bodies and you have to understand, I never had a thin body type, I was born a big baby and I've been big my whole life. Anyway, Emily told us her story qnd how she realized she was quote on quote "fat"...and I found myself feeling inadequate and fat and disgusting...

That was the beginning of a long ass journey. I spent 73 days in the hospital and it was already my secound hospitalization. On my third hospitalization is when I was met face to face with Bulimia through my (at the time) best friend...let's call her Annabelle, Annabelle was bulimic and again, I saw Anna suffer so so much but I, again, found myself wanting her type of body l...I was 13 by then

I struggled with my weight, trying everything to lose weight but all the weight I would throw up or starve myself to lose came back to Me..I was getting really depressed qnd angry at my body

Fast forward to 16

I started to give up...I had an all or nothing mindset..either I lost weight or I gained it...there were no other options, then, following a trauma in school, I started to eat to calm myself down...

I ate and ate and stopped going to gym, I was so broken and in so much emotional pain that I collapsed qnd went back into the hospital for the 4-8 th time, where I gained even more weight.

Fast forward again to age 20...

My weight skyrocketed and i started to see the effects on my body, my knees are weaker and my back is more painful. It also effected other things, like, my clothes are more expensive cause they are custom made, my food was more expensive cause i eat more. My self Esteem was absolutly aweful and i had never hated myself more

So, i started, 1 month ago, to start the change. Im seeing a dietitian, i go to gym and im generally trying to change my life in a healthier way.

This is the beginning of something...this is the end of me the way ive always known myself

Im not saying this to make people jealous or because im magically cured

I still cant look in a mirror

I still have a BMI of over 40

I still hate myself

But i know that if i hold on qnd keep working for a healthier me...ill find hope

In this blog i shall post updates from my weightloss journey qnd my jpurney to a healthier mind

Remember: H.O.P.E means Hold On, Pain Ends

#hope #EDs #Eating disorder #Mental Health #emotional health #health #health journey #health journal