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catgirlthecrazy · 3 years

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Holding the Moon

Empty practice grounds were like empty taverns to Kaladin. He was so used to seeing the place full of light and activity, that finding it without either of those things was downright unnerving. Usually, he couldn't go two steps without hearing the sound of weapons clashing or people grunting as they sparred. There were always a few ardents around, training warriors or maintaining the equipment. There were always spheres in every lantern bracket. A poorly lit training ground was an invitation to injury.

Tonight, there was only one person here. Only one sphere for light. It was rare for Kaladin to find Adolin here without his shardplate, but tonight he only wore simple sparring clothes. He had a sandbag set up in the middle of the room. He was punching the absolute crap out of it. No grace or finesse to his movements. Just one wild swing after another, like an overeager man breaking rocks.

The drafts of Dalinar's autobiography had come on Urithiru like the Everstorm. No stormwall, no abrupt onslaught of fury like you got with highstorms. Instead it came on slowly. From the Kholin scribes who copied it out, to their families, to the officers and workers of the tower, the contents of that text spread like fevers in the Weeping. In under a week, highprinces and water carriers alike knew that Dalinar Kholin had burned a city to the stone, and in the process, killed his own wife. Adolin's mother.

As soon as he heard, Kaladin made sure to check in on the younger Kholins. How could he not? One was his friend, the other still technically a subordinate. Both of them had already known- Dalinar had the decency to warn them before the news went public. It was hard to tell how Renarin was taking it. Kaladin had always had difficulty reading that kid. But Teft was keeping him occupied with training, and Rock was better at being a sympathetic ear than Kal had ever been. So Kaladin tried not to hover.

As for Adolin… You're the tenth person to ask me that, bridge boy. Leave me in peace. And Kaladin had. It seemed the respectful thing to do. Once Shallan got back from whatever infiltration kept her currently out of contact, his friend would have all the support he needed. It wasn't until Syl summoned him to the practice grounds in the middle of the night that Kaladin reconsidered that assessment.

"He told me he was fine," Syl whispered, "but I think he's lying. He sounded like you when you tell people you're fine."

Kaladin grunted. "Of course he isn't fine Syl. But if he needs to work his feelings out with training, we should probably let him." Almighty knew Kaladin had been there. Exhausting the body till you had no room to think about your grief had its merits. But damnation it hurt to see it happening to Adolin. Adolin, who sometimes seemed like nothing could dim the sun behind his smile. Adolin, whose eyes now stared ahead like empty pits.

"Yes, but he shouldn't have to be alone," Syl said. She took the form of a skyeel and wound around Adolin protectively.

The sandbag dented inwards as Adolin let off one last punch. With the slow acceleration of a falling tree, the sandbag toppled over. Adolin bent double with a groan, exhaustionspren puffing around him like jets of dust. Immediately, Kaladin was there with a ladle of water. Adolin accepted it, as he did the next ladle Kaladin brought. Then he tried to wave Kaladin off. "I appreciate the thought," he said, "But I don't need you to mind me."

"Maybe I just wanted to get in some late night spear practice." Adolin gave him a flat stare. Kaladin gave in. "Ok, fine, I wasn't. Syl was worried about you, and she brought me."

"Syl?" Adolin looked surprised at that.

"She explores the tower at night."

"Huh. Well, tell her I'm glad she cares." Apparently Syl was still invisible to him. "But I'm good here." He turned to reset the sandbag. It was at that point the prince's hands caught the dim spherelight, and Kaladin realized Adolin's knuckles were bleeding.

Kaladin's surgeon's instincts woke like sleeping axehounds who smelled the rain. He grabbed Adolin's hands and dragged them under the light. "Storms, Adolin, how long have you been at this?!"

Adolin tried to pull his hands out of Kaladin's grip, but Kaladin hung on. The scrapes were hardly the worst injury Kaladin had ever seen. In fact, as training accidents went, it was downright minor. But for his hands to get this bad from punching a sandbag? Adolin would have had to have ignored significant pain for a very long time. Check that he hasn't sprained something. Kaladin felt at Adolin's wrist. "Does it hurt when I press here?"

"No." Adolin pulled harder and finally yanked himself out of Kaladin's grip. "Honestly Kal, it's not that bad. Renarin can heal me later."

"Renarin can-?" Kaladin sputtered. This storming man. "That doesn't make it ok for you to hurt yourself, Adolin."

Adolin looked away. "I need this, Kal. If I don't exhaust myself, I… I obsess over all of it."

Kaladin softened at that. Storms, but he knew exactly what Adolin was talking about. How many times had he done this exact thing after Tien died? Worked himself so hard until his mind had no strength left to think about how much he hurt? He could remember at least one time when Sergeant Hav had needed to order him not to keep training through injuries. "Well. At least let me treat this before you do anything else."

Adolin raised an eyebrow. "Seems kind of pointless. I can just have Renarin heal it instantly."

"Your brother isn't here. Unless you plan to wake him up over this, you'll let me treat this the normal way."

A shadow of a smile flickered across Adolin's face, like the sun shining through thick clouds. He gave a tired mock salute. "Yes, sir!" Kaladin rolled his eyes.

Fortunately, the practice grounds kept basic medical supplies on hand in case of training injuries. After washing off the blood with water, Kaladin was able to daub Adolin's knuckles with lister's oil and wrap them in bandages. Adolin made a small grunt as he did. "Too tight?" Kaladin asked.

Adolin shook his head. "No, no. It's just- I'm so used to seeing you flying about like a paragon of soldierhood. I forget you know how to do things like this."

Kaladin didn't know what to say to that. He tied off the last bandage. "You'll probably want to change these out tomorrow."

"Or I can take it to my brother with the divinely-granted healing abilities and have him fix it completely."

"Or that."

Adolin glanced at the fallen sandbag. "You think you could help me set that up again?"

Kaladin gaped. "You want to keep going?!"

"I'm not too tired to think yet. So yes, I want to keep going."

"Your hand!"

"Protected now by these nice bandages you provided."

Kaladin crossed his arms. "No. Absolutely not."

Adolin's face darkened. "Fine." He leaned down to pick up the sandbag.

Kaladin grabbed his shoulder. "If you don't put that down right now, I'm summoning Syl to cut it in half."

Adolin turned on him. "I appreciate your concern, Kal," he said, voice tight, "But it's time for you to butt out."

Kaladin was completely unmoved. "If you keep going, you will hurt yourself."

"I told you. I need this." His words were angry, but it wasn't an angerspren he drew. It was an agonyspren, like an upside down face on the floor. The raw pain in his eyes was hard to look at. It was like looking at an open wound, still bleeding and vulnerable.

"You don't have to stop working out," Kaladin said finally. "But you do need to do something else. Something not so hard on your hands."

"Like what?"

He thought about it. "Spar with me."

"What?"

"Spar with me. Quarterstaffs, or hand to hand. You'll have a harder time breaking your hands on me, at least." And it would give Kaladin more control over the situation.

Adolin glanced at the battered punching bag, then shook his head forcefully. "No. Fighting an actual person… That's a bad idea for me right now."

"I've got Stormlight. You don't need to worry about me."

Adolin barked out a horrified laugh. "What?! No! Weren't you just telling me that being able to heal yourself doesn't make it ok?!" Kaladin pursed his lips, annoyed at himself. Adolin had him there. Perhaps Kaladin should have wondered why he had such a double standard about this, but now wasn't the time to examine that. Instead, Kaladin pulled two blunted practice swords from the equipment racks and handed one to Adolin. The prince stepped back. "I told you, I'm not going to-"

"Zahel's been teaching me sword katas," Kaladin interrupted. "One of them takes two people. You know the one?" Adolin nodded slowly. "Run through it with me." Kaladin offered the practice sword again. Adolin stared at the sword for a long moment. Hesitantly, he took it. Kaladin set the pair of them two sword-lengths apart in the middle of the practice grounds. Then, they began.

Two-person katas were more like a choreographed dance than actual combat. Kaladin lunged in for a prescribed strike. Adolin stepped back for the proper block. Adolin swept Kaladin's sword to the side in an exaggerated imitation of real combat. Kaladin would step aside and twist it into a disarming motion. The blades clicked softly with each careful exchange. The point was to practice responding to your opponent's moves until it became embedded in your muscle memory.

When you knew a kata well, they became a kind of meditation. Your body carried you through the forms, while your mind floated free. Kaladin could see that peace settle over Adolin like a warm blanket, and he knew he'd done the right thing. When they reached the end of the kata, Kaladin saw Adolin's shoulders tense, and the peace started to evaporate. So Kaladin returned them to the starting position, and started them again Adolin's eyes unfocused as his body feel into the trace of a kata he knew by heart. Kaladin started them through it a third time, and Adolin pushed to go a little bit faster. Kaladin let him. That was how it was supposed to go: you started off slow to be sure you got the forms right. Then you sped up, until you moved at combat speeds.

By the fourth time through the kata, sweat was beading on Adolin's forehead. Kaladin was making mistakes, but he didn't care. Tonight wasn't about Kaladin mastering the sword. It was about helping Adolin forget his pain for a little while.

By the fifth time through, the practice swords flashed through the air like windspren. Kaladin breathed in a little stormlight to keep from faltering. When they finished, Adolin finally stopped. He didn't bother finding a seat to rest. Instead he collapsed on the sand where they stood. The practice sword landed with a thump next to him. Adolin lay there, panting like a bellows amidst a swarm of exhaustionspren.

Kaladin fetched more water from the barrel. Adolin drank it greedily. "Thank you," he gasped.

"It's just water. It's no trouble," Kaladin said, settling down on the ground next to him.

"Not just for that. Thank you for not making me talk."

"Oh, well." Kaladin chuckled ruefully. "That wasn't hard. You're not a subtle man, princeling. If you wanted to talk, you'd talk. All I had to do was not argue."

Adolin huffed a laugh. They sat there for a long moment. Slowly, Adolin's breath calmed down to something reasonable. The little stormlight Kaladin had taken in puffed away. "Does it bother you?" Adolin asked. "Knowing what my father did?"

It was a good question. Kaladin took his time answering. "Yes, it does bother me. I followed your father because I believed he was different from other lighteyes I served. Better. Finding out he'd done that? It's… well, 'upsetting' seems an inadequate word, but I've got nothing better." He took in a deep breath. "But the Ideals teach that it's always possible to change into a better person. And Dalinar's done that. He's still doing that. So in a lot of ways, nothing's really changed for me."

Adolin ground the palms of his hands into his eyes. "In my head, I know he's not that man anymore. Hell, I can even admire him for working so hard to be better. I still love him, and I want to forgive him. But damnation. I just can't."

"Maybe you don't have to forgive him," Kaladin said softly.

"What?"

"It's easy to talk about how wonderful it is that someone's grown when they haven't hurt you personally. If you'd asked me that question about, say, Gaz? You'd have gotten a very different answer."

Adolin nodded slowly. "The thing is, I think about what Mother would say, if she saw me now. I know she'd want me to forgive him. She'd have forgiven him in a heartbeat. She forgave everyone... everything." His voice cracked, and he broke down into sobs.

Kaladin felt completely lost. Not because he was a stranger to crying people, but… well, usually Adolin was the one helping Kaladin through emotional breakdowns. Kaladin felt like he'd been handed a weapon he'd never held before and tossed into the ring with a master.

What does Adolin do to help me? Usually, he kept Kaladin distracted. Gave him a goal, or something to focus on. Anything to keep Kaladin from getting stuck in his own head. He took one look at Adolin, curled up and sobbing on the floor, and knew that wasn't what he needed. He didn't have the gaping void of emotion that sometimes took Kaladin. But if not that, then what?

Hugs. He likes hugs. Granted, he usually reserved them for Shallan and close family, but Kaladin had no other ideas. He crawled over to where Adolin lay. Slowly, as if reaching out to a feral axehound, Kaladin put his arms around the other man. Adolin hesitated only a moment. Then he collapsed into Kaladin's arms, sobbing into his shoulder. They sat there for uncountable minutes. Kaladin held the prince, stroking his hair softly. He thought of his own mother, and how she'd sometimes comforted him like this when he'd been a child, woken by nightmares. What would it have been like, to lose that as young as Adolin had?

Slowly, Adolin's grief subsided like a river after the storm. "Your mother sounds like a wonderful person," Kaladin murmured into his hair. "I'm sorry I never got to meet her."

"You've no idea. I'm sorry she didn't get to meet you or Shallan. She'd have loved you both."

"Can you tell me about her?"

And Adolin did. He told how she liked reading stories of far-off romance. About the care and delicacy she put into her glyphwards. About her love for simple pleasures. Beautiful sunsets, calm evenings by the fire, the smell of incense. Kaladin held him and let him talk well into the night.

#the stormlight archive #my fanfic #kadolin #kaladin stormblessed #adolin kholin #cosmere #brandon sanderson #my post

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leomitchellart · 4 years

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So… about this latest Inktober controversy….

Time to begrudgingly chuck in my two penneth… (Remeber you can always press “J” to skip this post altogether)

As most of you may or may not know, Alphonso Dunn released a Youtube video wherein he publicly accused Jake Parker, and creator of the Inktober challenge, of plagiarising his book. Both of these men are public figures, artists specialising in pen & ink. In the video Dunn looks at the preview pages and flip through footage of Parker’s “Inktober All Year Round” and says they draw many similarities in the illustrations, language and layout that he used in his own book, “Pen & Ink Drawing”. Parker’s book was set to this month. Hense why Dunn only used footage and not a physical copy.

Since the video’s release, the art community has been very spilt down the middle. The book’s publisher has halted the launch of Parker’s book until the matter can be investigated. Even DeviantArt cancelled their own Inktober event thing (I’ll admit I don’t keep up with these things DA keeps doing). Parker has since released a statement in the matter. Now it’s up to the courts to decide what’s happening next. The video itself is an hour long, but it’s crucial to see it yourself.

People are, understandably, outraged after seeing it. This seems like a shitty thing to rip-off Dunn - not to mention stupid. Since Dunn is the more popular pen & ink artist with more social media followers and name recognition. Many have called to boycott inktober and condemn Parker. I’ll admit, I was right alongside them at first, at least for feeling outraged. The similarities are there. But if YMS’s Kimba video has taught me anything, it’s that, even if an accusation of plagiarism may be obvious at a cursory glance, sometimes it’s important to take a more critical eye and do more research to learn that things aren’t as cut and dry as they first seem. If there’s a lesson I can take away from the internet as a whole, it’s that no one thinks about the consequences of mob mentality.

The most common defence of Parker is that because they’re both books about pen and ink drawing, then they’re inevitably going to be similar. I’ll admit that, when you pick-up so many art books, a lot of them will cover the same basic grounds of materials, tutorials, strokes, techniques etc. The parts about rendering textures on spheres and cubes isnt new. Look up “texture study” and you’ll see so many examples of artists rendering these kinds of things digitally. I’ve also noticed a common theme of people more formally educated in art pointing out how none of these are original. Everything down to the steps and illustrations are things they’ve learned from years ago. Since I'm a pen & ink artist, inspired by my love of comics, I have quite a few books about inking: Dunn’s included. I own both his books and still highly recommend them. I didn't even preorder Parker’s book. Ironically because I didn't think it could offer anything new that my other books hadn’t already.

While Ethan Becker took the time to cross-examine Dunn and Parker’s books with several others, there weren’t many of the ones I actually owned. So I looked to my shelves to see what I could find. Books like:

“The Art of Comic Book Inking” by Gary Martin & Steve Rude

“How Comics Work” by Dave Gibbons & Tim Pilcher

“The DC Comics guide to Inking Comics” by Klaus Janson

“Making Comics” by Scott McCloud

“Stan Lee’s How to Draw Comics”

I’m sure there’s plenty more examples out there. I was planning to go through all of these and take pictures. But ultimately that’s not the core point of these post. Plus it would’ve taken WAY too long and this post itself, is long enough.

Of course, none of the them are 100% close to Dunn’s in the way they’re displayed. Not as close as Parker’s could be considered. That being said, I know Dunn is trying to claim that he invented these techniques. The nucleus of the issue is how similar they are in terms of order and how these pages are displayed. Some I can chock-up to standard practice, while others seem more coincidental.

If there’s one thing I’m adamant about, it’s that I think that Dunn should’ve messaged Parker first before making the accusation public. Some try to dispute that this would've made it easier for Dunn to be “silenced”, whatever that means; but that sounds a bit conspiratorial to me. Ideally, you confront him about it in private, if he makes any threats or blows you off, get your lawyer on the phone and then make the video. Not only is it the more civil thing to do - but it’s the smarter thing to do. This is a serious legal matter, not just internet drama. While I’m sure Dunn had no intention of tearing Parker down or getting a mob onto him, that’s unfortunately what’s happened. A backlash both from the general artisan community and several companies. Wherein it was left to Parker himself to make this an official legal matter. If Parker’s found not guilty, then this could easily leave the gate open for him to sue Dunn for damages, loss of revenue, defamation of character or whatever else, should he see fit. As could the publishers, given how this affected their sales. Companies responded to the accusation of the video alone, before an investigation could be launched. Sure, it wouldn't be “acting the bigger man” but he’d be well within his right to do it. Dunn showed that Jake has mentioned him before, shown admiration for his career and referenced him in other posts. If it comes to light in court, that Dunn is even cited as an inspiration or source in the book itself, then it’s case closed.

Then there’s the other possibility that Parker might not have done this on his own, but that he has a team behind the book. If that’s the case, the most I can accuse Parker of is being a hack. I worry Dunn has kneecapped himself for just how badly he’s handled this situation. Made worse by him not having an actual physical copy to assess and just had footage of preview pages to go on. So far, the circumstances don’t seem on his favour.

I don’t think ill of Dunn. I do think he believes he’s been wronged and no malice in his intentions. I just think he’s made some critical errors on how to handled this. As for Parker himself, I couldn't give a donkey’s doo-dah about him. I’m sure you could accuse me of playing devil’s advocate earlier, but to me, he was the guy who released the annual prompt list. If it really does turn out that he’s a plagiarist and had malicious intent, then fuck ‘im. I never regarded him as an inspiration of mine or paid much attention to him outside of that. It was the community that made Inktober what it is. I’ve never met Parker. Maybe he’s a cool guy? Maybe he’s a bellend? I don’t know.

Granted this isn't the first time Parker has proved himself to be a controversial figure: - Last year people were upset about him trademarking (not copywriting, as many have erroneously claimed) the word “Inktober” and some artists were stopped from selling their related work or zines. Parker would issue a statement: claiming the takedowns were a mistake of “overzealous lawyers” and it’s just a matter of the logo being trademarked. People can sell their Inktober works and even mention they are Inktober-related. Just not use the official logo. On the one hand, from a business standpoint, I get it. It’s the bare minimum you need to do to protect your IP, especially when you have a store. BUT, like most people, I don’t like how, what’s intended as a community challenge, has slowly become more of a brand associated with one man. Hardly a surprise it left a bad taste in so many people’s mouths. But, since it doesn't actually effect anyone’s ability to take part in the challenge, outside of personal principle, I went ahead with it the previous year.

- The year before, when asked if one can do Inktober digitally, Parker said the following:

I know some are still bitter about that, but speaking as someone who inks traditionally and digitally, this came across as needless whinging and blowing things out of proportion. Claiming that Jake had derided digital artists and said they were invalid etc etc. Take it from me, challenging yourself to try out different methods to ink traditionally can greatly improve the work you do digitally. It’s like how learning traditional fundamentals of art can still be applied to digital. Plus he never said “No.” he just gave valid reasons about how it makes it a different experience. That said, if you’re someone who can’t afford any kind of inking equipment or pens and only have a selected application to draw on - then none of this applies to you. Just the aforementioned few who took it upon themselves to get angry over nothing. Recently I’ve heard from subscribers of his newsletter that he’s now embraced the idea of people doing inktober digitally, to the point of selling digital brushes for inktober. I’m sure some will call this “backsliding” or “money grubbing” because people aren’t allowed to change their minds or update their statements.

For weeks I’ve been torn on what to do, not being able to solidify one stance over another. One minute I thought #JusticeForAlphonsoDunn then I wonder “Wait maybe I should look again?” to “But wait, those are way too similar!” Having splinters in my arse from sitting on the fence for so long. The longer this went on, however, I began to realise that I can’t take one stance over another. This case is far too muddy and complicated. I don’t have enough sufficient knowledge or evidence. Nor do any of you. We literally only have Dunn’s video to go on. While it’s a good start, it’s not enough to be taken 100% as gospel when it’s the only thing to hand.

As previously mentioned, a lot of artists have decided to not take part in Inktober at all, or follow different prompt lists. That’s completely fine. A lot of them are based around a specific theme: halloween, kinky stuff, bears, transformers, OCs, Disney or whatever. That has massive appeal. I just can’d do it myself. I prefer the focus on random words, rather than all centred on a single subject; allowing me to be creative with my ideas and execution. I actually did try to make a list of my own random words. Problem is, I worried that because I was choosing my own, I might be subconsciously bias towards certain prompts and not truly challenging myself. Even narrowing down my options was taking too long. In the end…. I’ve decided to just do the official prompts again this year.

For me, that’s what it ultimately came down to. TIME. It’s the middle of September. I can’t afford to wait for the court case to be settled. No other prominent artists I respect have released their own prompt lists. I know there’s been some shitty people who are condemning this choice. Attacking others, accusing them of supporting plagiarism, looking to block anyone who does the official prompts. Even trying to make this a racial issue. Just…. no.

If someone doesn’t want to take part in Inktober, that’s fine. If someone wants to do the official prompts, that’s fine. If someone wants to do their own prompts, that’s fine.

Don’t go around aggressively making snap judgements or accusing people of taking a side. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. This has been a shit year, let people enjoy something.

If you look at this situation and it makes you feel angry, and you don’t feel comfortable in taking part in a challenge because of it’s creator. I get that, I literally get that. It’s why I haven't done Mermay. And please don’t mention Pinktober, I’m aware of it, but given his insta video on the subject and the things he said, I quickly came to the conclusion that I can’t take this person seriously. I’m sure this might make me seem hypocritical, but how this differs, if only for me, is the sheer amount Inktober means to me. It’s more than a simple challenge. Inktober's the one thing I’ve been most excited about all year. As it was ruined for me in 2019, when I lost my home and I didn't get to complete every prompt. (Long story, I’m okay now). As we all know, 2020, has been an AWFUL year. We’ve got to take whatever joy we can. As I’ve looked longer at the official prompts, I found ideas I’m really excited for.

Once I started to really dedicate myself to it, it became a massive event. I hype myself up as I prepare for the busy month. Buy in supplies, clean the house and workspace, cook and freeze meals in bulk to save time, printing off a sheet that allows me to jot down ideas as I plan ahead. Then once it’s done, after so much work, it makes the reward all the sweeter: Ordering a takeaway, celebrating a great halloween night and still rocking those vibes throughout November. Feeling proud of myself for doing it and seeing myself improve my technique, discipline and earning a few lie-ins to make up for the sleep I lost working. I’m like a kid waiting for Christmas. That said, don’t think that there’s something wrong with you when you understandably can’t dedicate that amount time for a simple art challenge. If anything that’s plenty of reason to why you’re smarter than me. You have a life and don’t push yourself too much.

Now, I need to crack on with the preparations. If you want to boycott Jake Parker, just not buying any of his products should be enough. Doing the inktober challenge doesn't bring attention to him, as I doubt most people even know him as the creator, nor does it even line his pockets. I just hate how cancel culture can do such serious damage like this and then try and put pressure on others to act accordingly without even doing any research themselves.

As long as you’re not harassing anybody. Just do what YOU want to do. That’s fine.

#Inktober #Inktober 2020 #My two penneth #Jake Parker #alphonso dunn

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pitiless-achilles-wept · 4 years

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Better Living Through Surgery: Life with Less Cancer!

[Originally posted August 13, 2020]

Hello from Penn Hospital!

Not to worry - I haven't been here the entire time since my last post, although I did end up spending an entire week in the hospital. Right now I'm sitting in the outdoor section of the cafeteria, which might be a mistake given that I'm not allowed to eat anything until after my CT scans at 1pm. The CT scans are part of my preparing to resume treatment for the rest of the cancer that's still in my body. The last time I had chemo was June 23rd and I've now hit the sweet spot of being a month past my mastectomy (so, mostly recovered) and out of other treatment long enough that I'm not suffering side effects any longer. It feels...almost like I don't have cancer at all.

Two Surgeries for the Price of...Two!

Let me back up a bit to the surgery though. I'd like to report that everything went totally smoothly...and it sort of did! Except that I had to have two surgeries because it also sort of didn't. As usual, what happened to me was super rare (less than 1% of cases!) and I would like to submit a formal retraction of any wishes I had to be exceptional. I've read "The Monkey's Paw." I know to be careful what I wish for. (Although, actually, I'm lying because I still plan to be the exception to the median life expectancy of those with my particular type and stage of cancer. If I have to be in the 1% of cancer cases it ought to be a good thing at least once.)

I had two surgeons for the two parts of my first surgery: one for the mastectomy (removing that incredibly stubborn initial tumor) and one for a "flap reconstruction," which used my own tissue (from my stomach - free tummy tuck!) to build a replacement. When they do that second part, they also take a blood supply so that a substantial part of it is vascular surgery. The reason that the reconstruction ever fails is if something goes wrong with the blood supply. If that happens, it's nearly always (99% of the time!) within 24 hours. What happened in my case was that everything went well with the surgery, even though it took about 7 hours, and I was recovering well and quickly. I was set to go home after my third night in the hospital (so, on Thursday).

Overnight on Wednesday, however, something went wrong with the blood supply. The new tissue was filling but not draining. What they later learned, once they rushed me back into the OR, was that the vein in it had a blood clot. They were able to fix it by taking a vein from my ankle to replace it. So basically that reset the clock on my recovery so that I ended up having to stay an additional three nights, going home on Sunday. (My initial surgery had been on a Monday.) It's actually extremely lucky that I was still in the hospital, despite how sad I was at having to stay. If I had been at home, far away from experts and surgeons, the tissue probably would have died and the reconstruction would have failed. It was a close thing since I was set to go home.

Anyone who has ever been in a hospital doesn't need a reminder of how, despite everyone's best intentions it is pretty terrible. I hadn't spent a night in the hospital since I was a newborn, despite all my various treatments, so I didn't know. Now I do and I never want to go back. The hardest part is that they have to wake you up almost constantly for vitals and to assess how the blood supply is doing (listening for arterial and venus sounds). For the first day after each surgery this was every 30 MINUTES, then every HOUR, then finally (on my final night) every 2 hours. And I'm the kind of person who's AWAKE as soon as I wake up. So I essentially didn't sleep more than an hour at a time until the bitter end when a nice nurse got a nice doctor to give me some kind of sedative so that I was able to sleep through the checks. I don't have a kid, so let me just say that this level of sleep deprivation was like nothing I had ever experienced. I see why the CIA used it as a form of torture. I'm a veteran of being tired and of many different kinds of fatigue but never have I been unable to get into REM sleep for so long. I am eager to avoid it at all costs again.

I had been more worried about the boredom than the lack of rest (because, at least on paper, the hospital seems like a place where you would mostly be resting/recovering) and it was indeed very boring. I was SO tired that I wasn't able to really do anything like read a novel, knit, or even really watch TV. I did binge a few podcasts, return to some more "Buffy," and attempt to chat to my parents when they could be there. The COVID visitor policy made it even more isolating and lonely than it would usually be. I was only allowed one "designated visitor" per day so my mom and dad switched off on who that was. Visitors could only be in the room and, once you left, you were gone for the day. So, for example, it's not like my mom could say hi in the morning, pop out and get us lunch, and then come back. All visiting was consolidated for the day. That meant that I tried valiantly to be good company for a few hours, but I imagine mostly I was too exhausted to accomplish that.

I took laps around the hallway (in my mask), which was actually a big achievement especially given the four surgical drains that I had (and left the hospital with). It's amazing how quickly you can lose conditioning in your muscles...and also how exhausting it is for your body to have been, essentially, assaulted and be dealing with wounds. That said, I've been super impressed by my body's healing capacity. I got the drains out within a week for one set and 10 days for another. After that, it was much easier to feel like I was healing and returning to normal. I'll have to rebuild my abdominal muscles, since that part of the surgery involved cutting them (and a new hip-to-hip "smile" scar), and for now I still can't bend all the way over, stand up totally straight (did I ever?), or lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk (because of the reconstruction). I'll probably need some physical therapy, but the ability my body has shown to heal is incredible.

Also incredible is the difference it has made to my mood and anxiety. In the hospital, they kept asking me for my pain number (which is kind of a useless exercise anyway, in my opinion) and I kept sort of shrugging and saying "2? 3?" to their disbelief. After all, I had open wounds! I had two major surgeries! But the pain of the tumor itself (and especially of the fluid-filled cyst on top of it) had been constant, increasing, and worrying. The pain of the tumor had meant my treatment was failing me and that my cancer was getting worse. The pain of the surgery meant I was healing so I embraced it. I still get tired more easily than I expect and am sure that the recovery period for this is going to turn out to be longer than I anticipate. But it is a huge relief.

That Bastard Tumor

Now, sadly, they don't actually save your cancerous tumor for you to look at after the surgery. (Honestly sad about this. I wanted to look it in the eye!) But they did send it off to a pathologist. The results made me feel very vindicated in my persistent sense that something about this bastard of a tumor was just DIFFERENT (and worse). They found that it had areas in it that were metaplastic, meaning (essentially) that the cells are hybrid, aggressive, and chemo-resistant. Here's what Johns Hopkins has to say about it:

"Metaplastic breast cancer is a rare form of breast cancer, accounting for fewer than 1% of all breast cancers. It differs from the more common kinds of breast cancer in both its makeup and in the way it behaves.

Like invasive ductal cancer, metaplastic breast cancer begins in the milk duct of the breast before spreading to the tissue around the duct. What makes a metaplastic tumor different is the kinds of cells that make up the tumor.

When the cells of an invasive ductal tumor are examined under a microscope, they appear abnormal, but still look like ductal cells. Metaplastic tumors may contain some of these breast cells, too, but they also contain cells that look like the soft tissue and connective tissue in the breast. It is thought that the ductal cells have undergone a change in form (metaplasia) to become completely different cells, though it is not known exactly how or why this occurs.

Metaplastic breast cancers can also behave more aggressively than other kinds of breast cancers.

Metaplastic tumors are often, though not always, “triple-negative”, which means that they test negative for estrogen and progesterone receptors, as well as for the HER2/neu protein.

Metaplastic tumor cells are often found to be high grade, which means that they look very different from normal cells and are dividing rapidly.

Metaplastic tumors are, on average, larger at diagnosis.

More often than in other kinds of breast cancer, women with metaplastic breast cancer can have metastasis (when the cancer has spread beyond the breast) and may be more likely to recur (come back later in another part of the body)."

Sounds familiar, right? I can tell you, it feels good to get that out of my body! I want to be clear, though, that it was only **some** of the tumor that was this nasty metaplastic cancer. It was, as I described it to the amusement of my surgeon, "like chocolate chips in ice cream." (Way less fun than chocolate chips, obviously.)

That is actually good news too, because it means that there's a pretty high chance that the metastatic sites are NOT this nasty form of cancer. It wasn't noted in the original biopsy back in January 2019, nor in the spinal tumor biopsy in Feburary 2019, nor in my biopsy from July 2019. Metaplastic cells are fairly distinctive so they would have been noted if they were there. At some point, metaplastic regions appeared in the bastard tumor, probably a reason that it stopped responding to treatments that worked elsewhere (including PARP inhibitors and the chemo/immuno combo that I'm currently on). If those treatments, or others, can work on the remaining sites that are NOT metaplastic it becomes much more possible to imagine living with this as a chronic disease. We won't be able to tell until I get today's scans and we see how the next 8ish weeks of treatment go. But still, I think cautious optimism is warranted.

Resting and Recovering

My parents were able to stay with me for another 10 days after I went home and it was so wonderful to have them taking care of me. It made me realize that, actually, I have done the bulk of this cancer treatment without that particular kind of support. I mean, I knew that intellectually, but the difference between having someone looking after me and not was something I almost couldn't fathom on an emotional level. They lived with me for the first 3 months after my diagnosis in 2019 but--thanks to how long was spent getting various tests and seeing doctors--that only included a few weeks of chemo. They would obviously have stayed longer--would be glad to drop everything and rush out whenever I want!--but it's been my choice to continue as much as I can with my "regular" adult life. Being forced not to try was actually quite a favor to me. I'm left with a lot of thoughts about how I ask for help, offer it, accept it (or don't), and how I feel about it. I'll save those for another time, though, and just thank both my parents and my wonderful and tireless group of friends for giving me their support in whatever ways they can.

It's almost time for me to go drink some delicious barium and get a CT (bringing me a couple steps closer to lunch), so I'll just conclude by saying that I felt so good post-surgery that I forgot, for a while, that I still had cancer at all. After all, it was that tumor that I could actually see and feel and that was causing me daily pain and anxiety. Taking it away felt like taking away all the cancer. But, of course, it's still there: in my lungs, my lymph nodes, my bones, and my liver. It's a systemic and chronic disease, but I do at least feel more like I've been given a fighting chance again.

Hope you're all doing as well as can be right now. Be well and be kind.

Love, Bex

#my life as a cancer patient #treatment update #august 2020 #covid and cancer #mastectomy #metastatic breast cancer #mbc #stage 4 #triple negative breast cancer #tnbc #clinical trials #scanxiety #metaplastic cancer

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makeste · 5 years

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probably like my 500th rant about Kacchan and Deku and their confused relationship

oh my yes. he’s had the greatest fanboy of our time admiring him since they were preschoolers. and Izuku has certainly never attempted to hide his total awe at every single thing Kacchan does.

although the essaying part of me does want to bring up that until very recently, Kacchan didn't realize that it was admiration, though. he genuinely believed it to be pretty much the opposite of that. because he felt insecure and vulnerable around Deku, he reasoned that Deku must be trying to make him feel like that on purpose, and so he convinced himself that Deku was looking down on him, as we now understand as of their second fight. so in that sense it’s interesting, because you could actually argue that he doesn’t know what sincere admiration looks like. he’s been around it his whole life, and yet the whole time, all he ever saw were his own insecurities mirrored back at him. he wasn’t able to see past that to view Deku’s feelings for what they actually were. in which case the more skeptical way to view his encounter with Shindou would be to assume that Kacchan is actually just doing what he always does, and greeting any and all displays of amicability and warmth with hostility and suspicion.

but I think the truth most likely falls somewhere in between. Deku notwithstanding, he generally is very perceptive. the complexity of all of his mixed-up childhood feelings has always made that relationship more difficult for him to understand. but he’s fairly good at reading between the lines when it involves virtually anyone else. he picked up on Kurogiri’s weakness just from a turn of phrase. he accurately assessed his own status quo with the League of Villains, including when it changed from “they won’t try and hurt me” to “yeah now they absolutely will fuck my shit up.” he sussed out the truth about All Might and Deku’s relationship by correctly decoding a single sentence that was phrased in such a way as to have its true meaning understood only by Deku. he also correctly surmised that All for One and All Might had a longstanding archnemesis relationship, well before he actually learned who All for One was. and he subsequently picked up on All Might’s cues that this was a secret of vital importance, and so fell in line with keeping it even without being asked.

to sum up, he actually is a lot better at reading and understanding people than he lets on. but Deku is the exception to the rule. pardon me for going off on a whole new (and much longer) tangent, but I think he actually cares a lot about Deku’s opinion of him. he goes to great lengths to pretend that he doesn’t, attempting to reclassify him as “just a pebble in his shoe” and so forth, but I don’t know. there has to be a reason he reacted that badly to thinking that Deku saw him as weak. would he have responded the same way if it had been anyone else?

Katsuki’s thoughts on Izuku from before the log bridge fall are still (still!) unknown to us. we know that Izuku thought the world of Katsuki, and still does for that matter. but we never did get Katsuki’s perspective on it. but -- basically his whole personality shifts when he is only four years old. he goes from being happy and confident and smiling constantly to being defensive and confrontational and angry all the time and almost never smiling outside of a fight. that’s not a coincidence that this only happens after he stops being friends with Izuku. basically everything about this implies that he was actually a lot more hurt by that incident than he lets on. he puts up a lot of walls afterwards. he eventually tries to break off his entire friendship with Deku by any means necessary.

all of this leads me to think they were closer than previously inferred. and why wouldn’t they be? they spent a ton of time together during one of the most impressionable and trusting periods of their lives. they shared character-defining traits in common; they had the same dream and looked up to the same person. we tend to question whether it was really a friendship per se, because we know Katsuki was kind of a jackhole, and came up with the Deku nickname, and so forth. but he does the exact same fucking thing now with Kirishima and his other U.A. friends, and no one questions whether he actually cares about them. one of the crucial things we come to understand about Katsuki over the course of the series is that his attitude toward people is not a true reflection of how he actually feels about them. he trusts Kirishima in spite of disparaging him with every other breath and calling him by an insulting nickname. once we understand this, there’s no reason not to assume things wouldn’t have been the exact same way back with Deku when they were four. that his smugness and his putdowns concealed a very real trust and a close connection between them.

and that closeness, I think, is ironically the very thing that blinds him to Deku’s obvious admiration and esteem. that misunderstanding, when it happens, is devastating. the fear of being perceived as weak by anyone is bad enough, but with Deku in particular, it really fucks him up. to have a connection like that shattered so suddenly is damaging as fuck. just... I feel like I’m doing a really bad job of explaining this. but basically, if we go off the assumption that they were close, that means we’re dealing with feelings of hurt and betrayal that go beyond what we might have originally assumed. those are very powerful negative emotions for a four-year-old to suddenly be grappling with, and they’re precisely the kind of emotions that can completely overwhelm and suppress any kind of actual rational thought. and the thing is that there was no way for poor Izuku to have mended this, even if he understood what was actually going on, because the initial infraction never actually came from him at all, but from Katsuki’s own mind. his own fears being projected, because he was young and lacked the ability then to see things from Deku’s perspective.

anyways. when I said “tangent” I meant it lol. wow. but I think the original point of this was trying to explain why Katsuki, who normally is very sharp and aware, would have so much trouble deciphering the actions of the one person he’s spent more time around than any other. and to explain that Deku is an exception and that Katsuki’s lack of self-awareness about that relationship doesn’t reflect his overall insightfulness otherwise. he knew Shindou was trouble because Shindou was a smooth-talking little shit who just happened to want to get all buddy-buddy with the school at the top of everyone’s hitlist right before the fucking exam, and anyone who was taking those circumstances in consideration should have had the same warning bells ringing off in their own minds tbh. so yeah, hence “your words don’t match your eyes.” and also because he never lets his guard down that easily anyway. and that part of it does have everything to do with Deku.

anyways anon I’m sorry I took this very sweet BakuDeku ask and turned it into sort of a sad and meandering BakuDeku ask lol. I was thinking about some of this stuff the other day, and this was like a cheatcode that activated this whole mini-rant. I’m just constantly fascinated by the sheer depth and intensity of all of the feelings these two have associated with one another, and how that relationship is both their greatest strength and their greatest vulnerability all wrapped up in one. they both were so damaged by it, but now it’s the thing that’s spurring them on to become stronger than ever with each other’s help. gah.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku #bnha meta #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks #I feel like I keep harping on the same points over and over again with my bkdk essays #I'm just trying to put it into words what it is that compels me so much about them #anyways yeah lately I've been thinking a lot about the whole 'childhood friends' thing #and thinking that I've maybe been too dismissive about something the series has tried to tell us repeatedly #I would give a lot to actually get kacchan's perspective on the whole thing for once #one of the many reasons why I'm so impatient for a *certain someone* to just come out and reveal his hero name already #why u do this to me boy #bakugou meta

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please-return-to-villanelle · 5 years

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Hot take: The French Hospital Tried to Kill Villanelle

After watching the season premiere of season 2, I was left wondering about Villanelle’s care, or lack thereof, in the French Hospital she was deposited at. Somethings we see as viewers during her stay and shortly after do not add up to standard medical practices for someone with her injury and overall clinical presentation. Was this a deliberate attempt to forever silence the world’s greatest assassin and target of the Twelve? I say yes! Let’s dive into this.

What starts this all off? Eve… Oh Eve, had you listened to Villanelle and kept the knife in, this would have gone down differently. But alas, she does not. Eve pulls out the knife and immediately Villanelle’s situation becomes life threatening. Why? Blood loss.

We get clues throughout the next few scenes that she is losing enough blood to become clinically unstable. Or in other words, she is in a life-threatening situation; namely, hemorrhagic shock.

On route to the hospital, we see her start to go in and out of consciousness. Indicating she is about to experience hemorrhagic shock. Meaning she lost so much blood, ~ 2 L worth, that her blood pressure dropped dangerously low. When this happens, the body is unable to adequately oxygenate important organs, like the heart and brain, that are vital for sustaining life. The body responds by going into “shock” which basically means the body freaks out and does everything it can to keep you alive and get blood to the heart, lungs, and brain.

How to we treat our favorite assassin?

According to standard medical practice, a few things should happen almost simultaneously upon her arrival to the emergency room: Stop the bleeding, assess her vitals (blood pressure, heart rate, temperature, etc), obtain intravenous (IV) access, and administer IV medications. We know some type of surgical procedure went down which eventually turns into Villanelle’s beloved scar, but what about the other lifesaving interventions? What they all have in common is administration of IV medications which ALL REQUIRE an IV access line. And I ask you, where is the evidence of Villanelle’s IV access line?

This leads me to the thought that they didn’t bother to establish an IV line in her which means if she needed more of these medications they would be UNABLE to administer them in a timely manner and rely only on her ability to take oral medications/ drink enough fluid to maintain her blood pressure. Which for those that don’t know, this is literally impossible for an unconscious person.

I rest my case. Additionally, if she was unstable enough to go unconscious, which she clearly does, that leads me to question her care even further as to what exactly those pills were that we see her later throw into the trash. Which by the way, your nurse is ALWAYS supposed to tell you the names of any and ALL medications before you take them. That is your right as a patient. Further evidence of the shady behavior at this hospital. This brings us to my personal favorite topic as this is my clinical specialty area: Infection!

Villanelle clearly had an infectious component going since she was stabbed in the abdomen with a non-sterile instrument by Eve. Properly treating this would require a course of antibiotics to kill off the infecting pathogen. Later on, at Julian’s we hear Villanelle ask for a particularly curious antibiotic: Tigecycline. This struck me as odd since this antibiotic is ONLY available as an IV medication and therefore cannot be administered orally. Fun fact, I like to call this drug as Tiger-cycline because it’s orange:

Now, we just established that Villanelle does NOT have an IV line and therefore cannot receive this medication either in the hospital or at Julian’s home. Which leads me to question whether or not she ever received this in the first place. There are some surgeons that will administer antibiotics before the surgical operation and then not continue them afterwards which is standard of care when the patient shows no signs or symptoms of infection. However, in a patient that is showing signs of complications (ie. collapsing on the floor, looking pale, and having a fever) any competent medical provider in this case would promptly give their patient antibiotics. So was this hospital withholding antibiotics? Perhaps, as there was no way to give her this particular antibiotic. If they weren’t, then we are left to assume that they mentioned the drug tigecycline at some point.

Let’s talk a little about the drug because this is where I have questions. Why did they choose this antibiotic??? I say to cause more harm than good. Technically this is a drug that has been studied in intra-abdominal infections, which fits Villanelle’s injury and is listed in the treatment guidelines which were last updated almost 10 years ago. Since then, more patients started receiving this drug and the US drug regulating body, the FDA, released a severe safety warning about tigecycline. This warning states that, based on clinical evidence, this drug increases risk of death in patients that receive it. Poor Villanelle never stood a chance at this place and it’s likely for the best that she left of her own accord.

In summary, who knows what truly went down at the hospital but from what I could tell it wasn’t quality healthcare aimed at keeping Villanelle alive. My references are listed below for those that are interested and/or would like to join the conspiracy. If you cannot access the articles and would like to read them DM me and I’ll send them your way.

Special thank you to @alexandriacarey for motivating me to finally write this.

References:

1. https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMra1705649

2. https://annalsofintensivecare.springeropen.com/articles/10.1186/2110-5820-3-1

3. https://www.fda.gov/drugs/drug-safety-and-availability/fda-drug-safety-communication-fda-warns-increased-risk-death-iv-antibacterial-tygacil-tigecycline

4. https://academic.oup.com/cid/article/50/2/133/327316

#killing eve #villanelle #musings

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takuchat · 4 years

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Final Fantasy VII Remake

Today we got a huge amount of Final Fantasy VII Remake Information as well as a ton of interviews and pictures. Below you can see a large compilation of the information.

There may be some redundancy in here as I gathered info from multiple sources.

Weapon abilities

Each weapon has its own unique weapon abilities that increase in proficiency the more they are used. When an ability’s proficiency level reaches the maximum, that ability is then learned by the wielder and can be used when wielding any weapon.

Here we see Cloud’s Buster Sword upgrade screen. The different options allow you to improve the wielder’s status or increase the number of Materia slots available.

Switching to Classic mode

Classic Mode can be activated by selecting “CLASSIC” from the difficulty menu. In Classic Mode, party members will act automatically, with the ATB gauge filling up as they do so. In this mode, the player only needs to select which abilities, magic, and items they will use their ATB charges for. This brings the feel of the gameplay closer to the menu-based battles from the original FFVII but with the amazing immersive graphics of the remake.

It is also possible to revert to direct control at any time during Classic Mode by pushing buttons on the controller.

Using characters’ unique abilities

The triangle button activates each character’s unique ability. Cloud’s unique ability is to switch between different fighting styles. He can switch between “Operator Mode” which has a good balance between attack and defense, and “Punisher Mode” [pictured] which is geared heavily towards offense. In Punisher Mode, Cloud’s movement speed is reduced, but his basic Square button attacks are upgraded to even mightier blows.

Assess Materia

Assess – Materia that allows you to use the Assess ability. When you use Assess on an enemy, you can see their resistances and weaknesses, making it easier to defeat them in battle.

Up close with Avalanche

We have some new screenshots of fan-favorite members of the anti-Shinra group Avalanche: Biggs, Jessie, and Wedge.

Biggs is calm, cool and collected, even in the most extreme circumstances. He’s tidy by nature, and loves nothing more than cleaning and taking a shower.

Jessie is in charge of procurement for Avalanche. She can get her hands on everything from explosives to fake IDs. She’s also a skilled engineer, and earns money for the group by fixing water filtration units and devices to sell on. She does have a weakness for handsome men though…

Wedge is an invaluable member of Avalanche, who uses his wits and charm for to gather information and defuse tense situations – including those within the team. He also has another very important role – he tastes new menu items in Seventh Heaven. Well, someone’s got to do it, right?

Meet the Turks

The Turks are a small, elite organization with Shinra. The shadowy group does everything the company needs it to – be it scouting out candidates for SOLDIER, protecting VIPs, or even assassination. Here’s a look at a couple of them.

Reno has flaming red hair and a cynical, aloof attitude. In battle, his agility and specialized weaponry and attacks make him a real threat.

Rude is instantly recognizable thanks to his shaved head, sunglasses and imposing stature. A man of few words, he relies on martial arts and his strength in battle, and completes missions as efficiently as possible.

Getting to the action

FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE features a fast-paced real-time battle system that gives you lots of choice in how you approach combat.

Each character a unique ability – in Cloud’s case, he can switch between Operator and Punisher Mode.

Operator Mode offers a good balance between strength, defense and mobility.

A press of the triangle button puts Cloud in Punisher Mode. Movement speed is reduced, but his attacks become much more powerful.

Cloud also has access to powerful attacks, including Triple Slash, which hits all enemies nearby with three consecutive strikes…

…and the ranged attack Blade Burst:

For a detailed rundown of how FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE’s battle system works, check out our full article on the subject:

So how does FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE actually play?

See our Impressions of the game here!

Switching to Classic Mode

For those players who prefer overall strategy over moment to moment action, or want an experience closer to the turn-based gameplay of the original FINAL FANTASY VII, Classic Mode is for you!

In this mode, characters perform basic attacks automatically, and when the ATB gauge is full, you can select a special ability to use from the menu – similar to how the original game played.

Here, you can see the option for Classic Mode in the difficulty menu:

Iconic locations reimagined

FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE faithfully recreates beloved areas from the original game. It also adds new areas that couldn’t fit into the original game.

Here we can see the iconic Church in the slums. Just a stone’s throw from Sector 5, it’s one of the only places in the slums where flowers can grow, making it a very special place for Aerith.

The next shot is of Aerith’s home. Nestled in the corner of Sector 5, it’s a beautiful house that contrasts with the slums surrounding it.

Let’s Assess some Materia

Cloud and company are able to use special abilities, including magic, summons and more.

It’s all thanks to materia – orbs of crystallized mako energy that, when equipped, imbue the wielder with incredible power.

Case in point, here we can see Aeirth using the spell Fire:

Of course, not all Materia is about offense. Take the Assess Materia, pictured below. It shows you an enemy’s specific strengths and weaknesses, helping you refine your strategy when you take it on. Knowledge is power after all!

Meet the new Chocobo and Moogle

Summons are a special, exceptionally powerful form of Materia. Equip one, and once the summon gauge is full, you can call a powerful ally into the fight.

In the past, we’ve showcased the firey Ifrit and cool-as-ice Shiva. Today we can reveal a new Summon that’s just as powerful, but a little… cuter: Chocobo and Moogle.

Moogle can Blast foes:

The dynamic duo can also use Stampede to trample the enemy with a herd of chocobos. It’s adorable… although probably not for those on the receiving end of it:

Side activities and minigames

These new screenshots highlight some of the additional things to do in FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE.

If you need a break from battling Shinra, you can play a game of darts in Seventh Heaven:

You can also enjoy fast-paced bike battles. In this shot, we can see Cloud and Jessie in a thrilling chase with Shinra operatives.

Time For the Interviews!

YOSHINORI KITASE – PRODUCER

In the several years following 2009, when I was running around all over the world promoting the FINAL FANTASY XIII series, I had opportunity to speak to many fans and journalists. The question that I always got as we got up to part ways was, “When are you making the FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE?”

It was to the point where it almost felt like an alternative way to say goodbye, so eventually I started pre-emptively giving my response to the question before they’d even asked it. “If we were to create a remake of that now, it would be an enormous amount of data, and who knows how many years it would take. But, if the ‘right time’ comes along, we might just do it someday!” This is how I’d respond back then, who knows how many hundreds of times. To all the people I had a chance to meet with back then, the “right time” has finally arrived.

For the FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE, developers who worked on the original game have come onboard once again as core members, including myself as Producer, Tetsuya Nomura as Director, Motomu Toriyama as Co-Director, and Kazushige Nojima on Story & Scenario.

Additionally, we also have people like Co-Director Naoki Hamaguchi who are now part of the core development team, who was just a fan of FINAL FANTASY VII back then. And, to my delight, creators from younger generations all over the world have come forth upon hearing news of FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE’s production. While ensuring that the spirit of the original game is kept intact, these members are adding to it the power of a new generation.

As a result, the game that is about to be born surpasses even my own expectations as the one who voiced the desire to take this endeavour on in the first place. In fact, the one who’s looking forward to playing this game the most right now might actually be me.

TETSUYA NOMURA – DIRECTOR & CONCEPT DESIGN

I started up the FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE project around the time of Compilation of FINAL FANTASY VII. We’d gone through Advent Children, Before Crisis, Crisis Core, and Dirge of Cerberus, and I was planning this by myself for about a year as the fifth and final entry in the compilation.

Since that initial plan and my first ideas, other projects took-shape and I became very busy as they moved forward, but I never stopped thinking about VII. As such, I feel like I’m looking forward to the release as much as anyone, as I’ve been carrying around these ideas for a long time.

Opportunities for discussing our true intentions are few, but with regard to the size of the game that many are asking about – there’s no reason at all to worry. Even in this Midgar portion alone, the density and volume are so great that I had to give directions to lighten them.

With regard to new characters, of whom I said during past interviews that there would be “none” – though they aren’t main characters, their numbers ended up growing considerably in the process of creating a rich depiction of Midgar. When you think of Midgar’s final boss, you probably think of the M.O.T.O.R., but in this game new bosses will appear and add to the excitement of the story even more.

We’ve already begun working on the next one as well, but I’m confident that playing through this title will expand your expectations just like the world that extends beyond Midgar.

Until next time.

KAZUSHIGE NOJIMA (STELLAVISTA LTD.) – STORY & SCENARIO

It must have been in the very beginning stages of developing FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE that I got to see the Remake version of Cloud for the first time. It wasn’t post-Advent Children Cloud, with kindness brimming from within. Rather, here was a young man with fiery features, looking straight at me through the screen with aggression in his eyes. I knew right t hen: “Oh, this is it.”

This time, it was this Cloud that I needed to depict. When Cloud came to Midgar and was hired by Avalanche, this was the sort of look that he would have had on his face. So I revisited the experiences that he’d had in his life so far, thinking of the effect that each individual event would have had on him. His attitude toward his childhood friend Tifa. How would he act toward Barret? What sort of distance would he keep while interacting with passers-by on the street? I picture the scene of Midgar in my mind and imagine Cloud moving through it. Write new lines of dialogue to add for him. This is how Cloud in the Remake Version came to be.

It was an exciting task to introduce a new current of wind to FINAL FANTASY VII, but at the same time, there was some fear. The original game used cartoon-like, stylised art, and the story was completed by players using their imagination to supplement portions that couldn’t be depicted as a result. Even if they were seeing the same scene, the information they took away from it and how they interpreted it differed depending on the viewer. Perhaps it’s what might be considered a narrative form of storytelling nowadays.

In FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE, there will be much less room for player imagination. This fact will probably change the feel of the story considerably. People who know the original might not know quite how to take it. Such is the fear that I have. But I also have conviction. It should be possible to feel a much deeper connection to Cloud as you join alongside him. It would be amazing if you could feel that fiery flame together with him.

NAOKI HAMAGUCHI – CO-DIRECTOR (GAME DESIGN / PROGRAMMING)

When the original FINAL FANTASY VII was released, I was just another student who dreamed of being in the gaming industry. I of course played the game, but I also re-read the guidebook over and over again, my heart stolen by the engaging universe. I remember wishing strongly that I’d be able to create a game like it someday.

Twenty-two years later, that student who dreamed of FINAL FANTASY VII is now involved in developing the remake. I can’t help but feel like it’s fate.

In this title, I handled overseeing the development team overall, such as deciding development milestones, constructing a workflow using Unreal Engine, and taking responsibility for game design.

Here, I met staff members who were involved in the original game, who entered the industry with childhood dreams of FINAL FANTASY VII just like me, and those who were drawn by the allure of FINAL FANTASY VII and joined the dev team from overseas. It was a gathering of amazing creators with passion and ambition towards the game. All I have is gratitude for having the opportunity to meet this team.

With all this in mind, I’ve considered the following phrase important: “respect for the original.” FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE takes on the challenge of creating something that’s created specifically thanks to the technological power and entertainment quality that matches the current generation, while treating the captivating elements of the original game with respect.

For those who’ve played it: “new but familiar.” For those who haven’t played it: “experience the charm of FINAL FANTASY VII, which moved the hearts of many, now created with the most exciting modern technology available.” I hope you enjoy it!

MOTOMU TORIYAMA – CO-DIRECTOR (SCENARIO DESIGN)

For the original game, I joined the project as a planner who was just starting out on my career, and I worked on Sector 7 slums and Wall Market.

In producing FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE, the thoughts and feelings I had when I was just starting out back then were revived, and at the same time, I took on the challenge of new methods of expression that I’m able to execute now that I have the experience.

The original version was a forerunner when it came to RPGs that used 3D CG, but the characters were made of polygons, the dialogue was in text only, and cameras weren’t able to be used for cutscenes.

In FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE, we’re using the newest visuals, voice acting, and character facial expressions to redesign the FINAL FANTASY VII universe to be more realistic. By increasing the realism of the universe within the city of Midgar, which is made prosperous by mako energy, we of course also reimagined the characters who reside there, like Cloud and Tifa, more vividly as living and breathing human beings, depicting their daily lives and feelings in a more in-depth manner.

We took care to remake not only the main characters, but also characters like Johnny and the Shinra Middle Manager who I created back then. Please keep your eye out to see how they make their new appearances. Additionally, when remaking the Honey-Bee Inn at the Wall Market, we revived it is as a pantheon of entertainment, which couldn’t be realized back then. Here, the scene that many of you have been eager to see, where Cloud disguises himself. Please enjoy.”

SHINTARO TAKAI – GRAPHICS & VFX DIRECTOR

I created the effects for the original FINAL FANTASY VII. Back then, the scope of development was so exorbitantly massive that I just threw myself into the tasks for which I was responsible, without even fully understanding what sort of game we were creating.

Near the final stages of development, when I finally tried playing the test version, I remember being surprised by the graphics and the depth of the story, as well as how fully realized it was, and I remember enjoying the game as a player. It’s been 22 years after that, and I’m participating in the FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE project as a developer, and today, I’m able to experience the impact and fun similar to that of the previous title.

For the remake, I’ve mainly directed the effects section, while also crossing over into other sections for decisions and directions on overall graphics.

Among the many major games that are celebrated for their photorealistic graphics, FINAL FANTASY VII is a little different. Not only is it realistic, but I believe you’ll notice that it incorporates “playfulness” in the design and colours for an originality not found in other games. Effects are an area that is particularly conducive to expressing various elements of “playfulness.”

I hope you’ll enjoy various effects that are not only beautiful, but also convincingly portray realism and magic!! Various elements of game design and graphic design have been packed into every corner of the vast Midgar. I hope you enjoy it!!

TERUKI ENDO – BATTLE DIRECTOR

When I played the original version, I wasn’t on the game creation side of things, and I remember enjoying it as a player and feeling constant surprise at the evolution of games. The three-dimensionality of the stage and the dynamism of the battle scenes have left a strong impression on me. Back then, I never even imagined that I would someday be on the side of creating games, or that I would be able to be involved in that game.

Speaking to my own personal experience, I had mostly been creating action games thus far, so for this title, I took on the challenge of remaking a system that was not of an action game originally and incorporating action elements into it.

Production was completely different than that of a pure action game, and the need for new design philosophy often arose. Production involved constantly searching for the best balance between action and command elements, but I believe we’ve managed to do this in an exciting new way.

In order to create battles that are surprising and never boring, we worked hard to create a variety of strategic elements for each boss and enemy. Also, in constructing battle systems for each character, we wanted to respect the image of the original version while additionally introducing many new abilities. I hope you’re able to find your own style of battle by combining those abilities with Materia.

TAKAKO MIYAKE – ENVIRONMENT DIRECTOR

For FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE, the graphics team worked to the theme of “how would Midgar look if it existed in real life?” As such, as the environments team, we examined those portions that were once left to the players’ imaginations, fell outside of the on-screen area, or were between scenes, and tried to supplement them in detail.

For all the fans out there, we worked our hardest in hopes that you’ll be able to relive an experience that also surpasses your memories.

For all of you who are playing for the first time, we worked our hardest with the sole hope that you’ll experience this amazing universe that has remained beloved by so many for 22 years, and to be able to convey its charm.

Additionally, in order to create a fitting backdrop for the drama unfolding around the main characters, and in order for it to be a stage where the various characters living in Midgar can be their vibrant selves, all of teams, including the environments section, came up with ideas and worked collaboratively. Midgar is a closed city. However, I would be very happy if by experiencing the drama unfolding around its residents and the main characters who go through it, you feel as though Midgar actually exists.

I am a FINAL FANTASY VII fan, so being able to take part in the Remake was something that made me happy but also nervous. It’s been an unforgettable development experience. I truly hope that everyone enjoys it.

IICHIRO YAMAGUCHI – LIGHTING DIRECTOR

FINAL FANTASY VII, for me, at the time when I was in school, was a very impactful game. It really pierced my heart as I was at such a sensitive age, with not only a rich story, but charming characters, world setting and music, not to mention that it was the first in the series to be in 3D polygon format. This was the piece that really brought out my interest in CG in general.

When I was able to join the FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE team, I started by thinking back to how I felt when I first played it. Midgar, with its’ abundant mix of different elements and original characters like Cloud, became something unbreakable and the “standard” for me in FINAL FANTASY VII.

In the world of the game, just like in real life, if there is not some form of light then you won’t be able to see anything. So when putting up lights just anywhere, Midgar could lose its token Midgar-ness, and Cloud wouldn’t be Cloud anymore. I’ve taken as much care as possible to recreate the world that I had saved in my mind and attempted to remake it to a fresh and modern standard.

The positions of the few lights that illuminate the entirety of Midgar, the adjustments made to each and every voluminous cut-scene… it’s all a lot of work to do! However, alongside the rest of the wonderful lighting team we feel that we’ve brought something great to the table. We’ve left in the elements that will have you going “Ah, that’s what it was like!”, and yet you’ll still be able to enjoy the world of FINAL FANTASY VII in its new and fresh style!

MASAAKI KAZENO – CHARACTER MODELING DIRECTOR

I was amongst those who bought the original game on the day of its release and played it constantly, clearing it in under a week. Those that also have cleared it will understand this, but I also wasn’t quite satisfied with the locations, so I continued to play it after clearing in the same places as well.

And so, my memory of FINAL FANTASY VII was how I actually started studying CG, after being left with the strong motivation to want to create a FINAL FANTASY game when playing it and truly being moved by it.

So I just made my mind up and bought a PC to help me study – something that I had never even touched before. So for me, someone who had been so strongly influenced by the original, to be working on the characters of the remake, I want to do everything I can to make them in a way that shows both a charm and freshness whilst keeping that nostalgia.

So I want them to reflect in a fresh way that that also allows players of the original to remember the time that they played the original, as well as make them detailed and charming enough to give first-time players the understanding of just how charming they are.

I’ve ensured to arrange things like hairstyles and outfits to re-create the design from the original, so I encourage anyone to take time with their camera angles when playing to take a look. Also, there are several characters that stand out other than just the main characters that you’ll find. So please see for yourself as to what kind of appearance and characteristics they have! Other than that, we’ve got enemies in there perhaps too close to the original, and there are many surprises coming in the Remake for you to all look forward to! Keep your eyes out!

YOSHIYUKI SOMA – ANIMATION DIRECTOR

When FINAL FANTASY VII came out, I was actually more of a SEGA Saturn fan, so I didn’t play it straight away. However, when it was decided that I was to join SQUARE, I was put on the development of FINAL FANTASY VIII, and so I thought to myself “I’m screwed if I don’t know about FINAL FANTASY VII!”. That’s when I bought a PlayStation and played it so much.

Those memories feel like only yesterday. So I can’t say this too loudly, but I actually started it out of obligation rather than as a fan. However, I was absolutely enthralled by the world and lore as soon as I picked it up!

For the animations; each and every member of the team – from those responsible for battles, fields, simple events, cut scenes, mini-games, facial expressions, to swinging things in the background, actual behaviour settings – have all worked together to improve as one.

We’ve done our best to ensure that whatever you do, it feels like the characters are alive there with you. We really hope you enjoy the story of Midgar on a huge screen, with Cloud and his friends.

–Sources-

PSBlog

Square Enix

Squares Twitter

New Final Fantasy VII Remake Pictures, Summons And Interviews Final Fantasy VII Remake Today we got a huge amount of Final Fantasy VII Remake Information as well as a ton of interviews and pictures.

#action #aeris #aerith #Aerith Gainsborough #berret #cloud #Final Fantasy VII Remake #jrpg #square enix

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imagineclaireandjamie · 6 years

Note

Could we get an update on As Yet Unread pretty please?

anonymous asked: I NEED AS YET UNREAD

femcoastie asked:Please forgive me in advance, but can I have some more of As Yet Unread, please and thank you. Truly from the bottom of my heart.

anonymous asked: Just binged As Yet Unread and it’s amazing! Might we get another update soon?

anonymous asked: I love As Yet Unread.. any chance of a new chapter on the horizon. I just love the story…I am fascinated to see how she recovers and where the story goes.

theaccidentalshipper asked: Will there be any more chapters of As Yet Unread?? I’m dying to know what happens after Clair gets out of the hospital and back to Jamie’s!

anonymous asked: Hello. Dying for as yet unread ( I adore it )

@sassyqueenmaker asked: Can you please write a new chapter of As Yet Unread??? 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Mod Note: It’s been a while so here are the links to previous parts should you like to catch up :) - Prologue 1. Prologue 2. Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7.

As Yet Unread: Part 8.

“Claire!” Jamie called, turning the radio down as he glanced over to where she had been standing only moments ago. “Lass? Could ye find the kettle alright?”

Since her wild adventure weeks before, Claire had opted to stay more locally on her outdoor wanderings. She had found a local park only a stone's throw from Jamie’s place, it had a bench that sat next to a small coppice of trees and it was secluded enough that not many people frequented it - only a few dog walkers every now and again.

Rolling her eyes, Claire balanced the tray of tea on one hand whilst she rifled in the cupboards for the biscuits she’d thrown into the lunch basket. “Yep,” she hollered back, “I’ve got it Jamie, don’t worry.”

Today, though, Murtagh had called Jamie, coughing and spluttering down the phone. Suzette and Fergus had been sick with the flu the week before and he thought he’d gotten away with it -until he’d woken at 4am with a high fever. So Claire had offered her services to Jamie on-site. Even if she couldn’t do the majority of the heavy lifting and laying, she could keep him company through the day and fetch and carry should he need.

“I do know how to make tea you know.” She chastised as she placed the tray on a small table.

“Ye do know that I’m fine wi’ ye just putting the tea bag in the cup, aye? You didna need the fancy pot.”

“What do you take me for?” She scoffed, lifting the fine china lid to stir the tea bags around in the boiling water. “I make it the proper way, or not at all, Fraser. Now, milk and sugar?”

“Aye,” he chuckled, “both please, sassenach. One sugar, no’ too much milk.”

So far she’d just been collecting things from the van and supplying Jamie with an endless supply of hot drinks (coffee for the morning to perk him up, tea for the afternoon to keep him going) but being put to work gave her added purpose and she found that she enjoyed being busy.

“Could ye pass me the tape measure as well, lass?” Jamie asked, smiling as he held his hand out to Claire.

It had been a quiet few weeks, the job at the university had been completed and Murtagh and Jamie had moved on to a smaller project to help restore a small village hall on a local estate. Claire had spent any time in the flat whilst Jamie was at work researching new and improved recipes on the internet and had increased his vegetable intake ten fold. But she’d soon grown bored of the same four walls and Jamie had sensed a change in her.

“Sure.” She replied, passing him his cup before hunting for the tape measure in amongst a variety of intricate looking tools. “Do you want the five metre one or the eight?”

“There’s an industrial one somewhere about, sixty metres, I need that one if ye can find it.” He mumbled, his chin against his chest, a small pencil tucked behind his ear as he scrunched his brow whilst he inspected the flooring he’d begun to lay. “Can I have yer opinion as well, I’m not sure that the colour matches on these panels.”

“Don’t they come as a pack?” Claire returned, passing over the large yellow tape measure. “Shouldn’t it all be the same finish?”

“It should, aye, but it doesna mean that it is. Mistakes happen. One just looks a wee bit lighter - but it’s noticeable.”

Stepping over the myriad of equipment that lay on the cement underbelly of the floor, Claire glanced over at the few sheets Jamie had already laid down and tipped her head to the left. “I think that’s just the oak. See,” she pointed, “there’s a knot there that causes discolouration. That’s why it’s lighter. It’s just how the bark is but I think it’s nice, you know? Unique. You’ve used high quality products, natural ones, and it shows.”

Smiling, Jamie took a sip of his tea. “Ye’ve a keen aye, Claire. I’m glad ye offered to come today. I’ve really loved having you wi’ me.”

Claire’s ears pricked at the word ‘love’ and something stirred within her as she took a step back, the heel of her foot catching against the lino Jamie had already placed on the next part of the floor.

Her interest had been piqued by an offhand comment Susie had made one afternoon whilst they were having a picnic in the park. Murtagh and Suzette were the perfect couple. Both carried a picture of the other in their wallet. They both doted on one another, took care of their son and one another when they were sick. It was the kind of love Claire hadn’t seen before and her heart ached a similar phantom feeling even though she couldn’t pinpoint exactly when this particular desire had arisen.

Whilst buttering bread, Susie had looked at Fergus, readjusted his wee bib, wiped some milk from his chin and glanced towards the apartment block. “I always hoped Jamie would find something like this,” she had said, a sigh escaping her as she’d paused, “he and Murtagh are so close and so similar in many ways. I still hope for it, his own family.” Afterwards she had shrugged, not waiting for Claire to respond in anyway before turning the conversation back to a less complex topic.

“Have you ever been in love, Jamie?” Claire asked, the question falling from her lips before she could consider it wise or not.

Raising his head, his eyes caught hers -intrigue clear in his gaze- as he let the measuring tape slap back, loudly, into its casing. “Do ye mean have I ever had a girlfriend, sassenach? Or true love, like in the movies?”

Sweat pooled at the base of her spine as she considered his question. Having missed out on a usual upbringing she didn’t have enough knowledge movies to really comprehend what he meant, but she had a very basic understanding - a black and white variation of Jamie’s colour version.

“You’re a good looking guy,” she replied, assessing him as he stood staring with his hands balanced neatly on his hips, “I’m, and this is a massive assumption here, thinking you’ve been in relationships. But love, that’s something more special isn’t it? Deeper and more all consuming. I just,” she sighed, picking up her own cup of tea and swirling the beige liquid around the mug, “I’m curious. Murtagh and Suzette, the way they look at one another, it’s...rather exceptional, isn’t it?”

“Aye.” Jamie replied, his eyes softening as he watched Claire carefully. She had a glass face and he could see every emotion as they changed her features, the muscles in her cheeks twitching as her eyes got this far off look of fascination and yearning. “It’s a Fraser trait, ye ken. Did Susie tell you?”

“No, she didn’t. Can I hear it?”

Sitting on one of the abandoned bean bags that had been left in the space for them to use, Jamie patted the one next to him and beckoned Claire over. “Of course! Bring yer tea and sit over here and I’ll tell ye.” He waited until she was settled and looking at him once more before he started, a wistful look in his eye as he clinked his tea mug with hers playfully. “Frasers,” he started, winking at her as he took a large swig of his drink, “ye’ll come to ken, are a wee bit like swans. We mate for life. My grandpa and grandma were the first. My dad and mam the second. Jenny met Ian and within months they were engaged to be marrit. Murtagh waited the longest, I went to Paris for a year and he came to visit just before I came home, met Susie in a bar and fell head over heels in love. Wham. Like an anvil dropped on his head,” he quipped, “ like in those acme cartoons. He was a goner and stayed wi’ me until I was due to come home when he brought Suzette with him and immediately married her.”

“That’s some powerful magic.” Claire whispered, her mind conjuring the image of her own ill-fated relationship as she tapped her nails against her cup. “How did your mum and dad meet then? I knew about Jenny, of course, it’s one of the stories she told me when she came. But I don’t think I’ve heard about your parents.”

“Och, well, that’s some prime storytelling there, Claire. If I had any writing ability I could pen that wee tale and make some money, but it isna where my proclivities lie, aye?”

“That certainly sounds like a good yarn, tell me, please?”

“Here’s the thing, Claire,” Jamie said, a smile in his voice, “ye can ask them both yerself. They’ve asked if I’ll bring ye to Lallybroch next weekend but I didna ken if it was something you’d like. But now I think ye would. I can finish this off this week, hopefully Murtagh will be well again next week and we can take a vacation up there. What do you say?”

“You’d show me where you grew up?”

“Of course, lass! It’s a beautiful place.”

“I think that sounds wonderful.” Claire replied, smiling widely as she finished off her tea. “Knowing how well you tell stories, I can’t wait to hear your mother tell me her own.”

“She’s verra verbose, her and da love recounting the blossoming of their relationship. What I said about books before, I’ve told her plenty of times that she should write it. She’s a dab hand at weaving interesting and colourful tales and her own is truly wonderful. She used to rock us all to sleep telling it.”

“Then you should probably show me some of these films you mentioned before, the ones with fiction love in them, that way I’ll have something to compare it against.”“Trust me, Claire,” he returned, a hint of humour in his tone, “once my mam sit down wi’ ye, you’ll forget all of that Hollywood nonsense in an instant.”

“Ha.” She laughed, knocking her knee against his marrily. “I believe you. But it would be nice to know what you were talking about before, even if it is silly.”

“Then yer on. Tonight, after tea, I’ll find ye a cheesy film wi’ some sickly sweet romance in it for you, but don’t say I didn’t warn ye.”

#;Mod MBD #As Yet Unread #jamie x claire

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phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess · 5 years

Text

why doesn’t the current employment system work?

easy, it’s a half-assed one-solution-fits-all approach made by rich people who have NEVER used the employment search system.

How does it work?

You want centrelink? You get assigned a job-search centre, there’s always 4-5 in even small towns now. It’s a lucrative business.

You’re told ‘search for 20-40 jobs per month’ based on your area. They have to be jobs you could reasonably do (one or two assholes made sure the whole system was tightened bc they’d apply for things they had no qualifications for).

These are entered online, on a special governmental site. Failure to locate the right amount gets you a strike, or more than one.

Which is hard because there are only so many jobs in smaller towns, right?

So let’s say you have no luck, you hand in the 20 for that fortnight, and ‘report’ online to centrelink that you are following the rules.

They also make you do mandatory courses such as the 2-day ‘Resume Writing Course’ that you can do up to twice in 6 months. It’s as stupid as it sounds, and you learn nothing but that you hate the place.

Also, 3-day mandatory ‘Communication with People’. How to talk to people. Literally. 3 days of your life gone. Gee, wish I’d done some sort of degree around literally talking to people and using analysis... hmmm...

They do not Recognise Prior Learning, at all. Because each person they make attend gets them more and more money.

New rules allow for them to identify a job you HAVE to apply for -even if you must write a new resume and cover letter. Which, in some cases, is a little fair. Maybe you’re using one from years ago.

New rules can make them demand you call the HR of a certain place in front of them, to prove your resume went in, and to ask about the position. Of course, this will slap you on the Hell No list, but at least they’re satisfied.

New rules allow them to make you change your existing resume -e.g. they can demand you remove your degree/qualifications to make you more attractive to retail employers (always wary of taking on someone who might move on quickly).

That only works for 6 months these days.

- - -

After 6 months, they send you on a Work-for-the-Dole assignment to a local charity.

They’re supposed to do risk assessments, and follow up on allegations of groping weirdoes and pedophilia (looking at you, Salvation Army*). But they don’t. [ *that person who did it was literally the Community Member of the Year until the truth of what the local SA was covering up came to light. Fucking creep of a man, so many flags that Jesus absolved him of.]

That nonsense injured two members of my family directly, as well as others; at the same place, at different times, and both were deemed ‘our fault’. Despite that the first incident involved an unqualified asshole making a teenage boy hold a fridge, then deliberately dropping the truck tray fast so it yanked the ligaments in the kid’s shoulder so badly it took 6-12 months to heal with physiotherapy.

And the second time, a bookshelf held up with STICKY-tape was broken by a customer, and fell off slamming into my knees and feet, causing untold agony... resulting in a fractured patella in one knee and severe bruising/clicking/weird shit that persists even a year and a half later... but that was my fault.

-----------------------

In short, each person is assigned up to 55 hours per fortnight that they have to undertake with a charity of some formation. OR ROADWORK - they can also make you do roadwork. Like they tried to do to the just-healed teenage boy the minute his medical exemption period was up, even though he couldn’t raise his arm all the way yet. It’s Making Money, not Helping People Find Jobs.

They also made an app, that the person attending MUST download (even if you have to delete just about every single other thing on the cheap phone to make room for it).

It’s called Jobapp or some shit. Basically, when you get there the manager or head volunteer (often tech illiterate) HAS to print a QR code for you, and only you.

You sign into the app, this takes a while bc it’s not well designed and cuts out often. Finally, you find the hard-to-locate-and-ambiguously-named part where you can ‘sign in’ as being at your ‘activity’.

If you’re there all day, and you will be, there are Two Codes.

You scan them to separate locations in the app. And boom, you’re registered as there. It only takes one missed QR code or app failure to land you in shit, though.

And then you spend all day cleaning, on the till, arguing with people over op shop items bc they feel certain prices are too high even if it’s less than a third the real price. And you’re not allowed to sit or chill or anything... unless you’re a volunteer. They can get away with murder.

So that goes on for six months, slowly draining the will to live from your bones.

All the while, you still have to do the 20-40 jobs things and find time for their Training Modules that you already did but hey, you’re a moneymaker. Sometimes they will NOT count the training days towards your Total 55hours per fortnight, so you lose the one free day a week you had...

---------------

It sucks... but I think the other thing we should mention is that this doesn’t really exclude any jobseekers.

Disabled? Elderly? Medical Issues? Can’t speak english very well? Other issue?

Get in there. We get paid to supervise your activity!

Like, there are a lot of people doing job seeking activities who are unfit for the position they are forced into. For many reasons.

-----------------

The thing I found laughable was that they could apply for you, without your knowledge, and if that resulted in an interview you HAD to go. If they feel you tanked the interview, they can penalise you...

There are ways to tank an interview, though. Trust me. Especially for telemarketer interviews, just have an awkward phone manner, like you’re trying but it’s Weird. And boom, no. [Not that there’s anything wrong with that job, but they signed me up for it without my permission and some dangerous clients worked there, I would not have been safe, they didn’t care tho].

Also, you can’t apply for certain positions for someone with a degree. Our ability is measured in the way we respond to the questions and assessment requests... you can force us to apply to them, but trying to write in for us is just ridiculous.

They might also call and call and call anyone on your applied-for list that they directed you to apply for... which of course, can tank your chances. Very annoying.

And if you get a job, on your own merit, they take credit for it immediately. I assume there’s a bonus or something.

- - - - -

The agency I was sent to, MaxEmployment, was actually THROWN OUT OF ANOTHER STATE FOR COMMITTING FRAUD AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT.

So naturally, QLD said ‘yeah, let’s have that one’.

M.E. allegedly used to claim they had held mass training events with 80+ people every few weeks, doing those awful little courses listed above. Except, on inspection by confused governmental officials..,. they discovered the room would barely hold 5-6 people including a trainer. Therefore, fraud.

Also, M.E. has failed to catch fake-ads (resulting in free 2-hour work ‘trials’ for a certain cafe that went over a year, fraud) and even sent an unaccompanied 15 year old girl to a fucking BROTHEL after identifying a clearly-not-for-an-admin ad for ‘an admin’ at that location.

IT’s always MONEY.

--------------------

If you are in charge of the poor, the ill, the desperate... then it should not be for money incentives. You should get a flat wage and that’s it.

Why? Because then people who are actually able to do the job, and willing to help people, will do it. Not just people who see dollar signs when they look at the tired, the unemployed and the ill.

And they need to actually fire bad people.

Let me tell you about this woman I had to deal with in a 6 month break from my fucking uni degree due to illness. Automatically, they threw me into job seeking. I didn’t have a voice for like 2 months, but that didn’t matter.

This huge, hulking, rotund potato of a woman, balding ranga and a face as mean as a bulldog’s arsehole... was my caseworker person. She was a nightmare.

I would find 20 jobs, and hand in the sheet, she would yell at me, that I was being smart and she wouldn’t accept that. I once applied for nearly 65 jobs in one fortnight out of desperation, because she kept having my centrelink cut off without warning if I refused to complete another sheet.

The other caseworkers never stopped her. The manager would not hear my complaints or concerns. She could do what she wanted.

And she knew I could not stop her. The one thing about the situation that kept me apart form others there was that, if I absolutely couldn’t take it, my parental unit said we would ‘manage’ until I went back to uni the next year. Others were unable to do that, and so, this absolute cunt of a woman... held sway.

She had no class, no charm and no people skills. She screamed at the top of her lungs at a tiny asian lady who a) didn’t have a great grasp on english at the time, and b) did not understand all the big words this self-important ranga was using just to sound intelligent.

Apparently the solution to ‘I do not understand’ is raise your voice, to screaming, and get angry. NONE of her colleagues even looked up at her. Jesus, if one of my colleagues was yelling like that I’d have dragged them out of the room by their fucking hair, like what the HELL was that about.

Was she stopped or fired? No. Was she transferred to some unsuspecting town? Yeah.

I don’t trust organisations who will not admit they hired the wrong person, and fire them. It means they’re hiding shit.

--------------

TL;DR - The whole system is a disaster.

They claim more people are employed, but they also count people on those mandatory work-for-the-dole things, which skews the unemployment number to less than it is.

It is exhausting to deal with and its no wonder so many fucking people are so depressed death seems like the only solution.

And it was all thanks to a handful of people rorting the system; the idiots up top went into red-alert levels of panic and upended the system to punish people.

AND THAT’S NOT EVEN FUCKING TALKING ABOUT THE NEW BASICS CARD SYSTEM

which is nonsense

sure, limit what people can get to groceries and certain stores, including op shops or whatevs. can’t get smokes or alcohol on the cards...

have to have ID for the cards...

but like, you think people won’t find ways to get the smokes, drugs and alcohol they want? you’ve just ensured that they either pawn their things, or do degrading acts to get those things...

so give yourselves a moralistic high-five, people who decided this system was a great idea (primarily bc they and their family/social circle will never need to use it), because you’ve cause d so many more problems than you solved...

#those damn cards may actually cause an increase in DV too #same way the fucking baby bonus did

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psyched2b · 6 years

Text

All My Heroes - Chapter Four (Steve Rogers x OFC)

Warnings: I swear...sometimes

Feedback is appreciated and welcomed!

*Moodboard created by the amazing @shreddedparchment

“What the fuck was that!?” Steve yelled in piqued surprise and took a big step away from the petite woman, needing distance. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest, his breathing coming out ragged, his hand still clutched in his chest.

Cecelia winced at his outburst and visibly recoiled in on herself. Her green eyes watered and she gave him an apologetic look. “I’m so so sorry,” she tried, wrapping her arms around herself. She felt ill at having startled the Captain so harshly. “I should have warned you. I just…I don’t.” She squeezed her eyes shut to keep the tears in. “I’m sorry.”

With that final apology, she took off up the tree, leaving Steve at the bottom to look up at her, shocked at how quickly she climbed.

Regret flooded through him then and he realized that he overreacted.

He stepped back towards the tree and reached his hand out, hesitating before placing it on the trunk. There was no overwhelming feedback this time and he let out a small sigh of relief. He then leaned his torso against the body of the tree and looked up through the branches to locate the elusive Cecelia Thompson.

“Cecelia?” he called, blue eyes searching every branch. His eyes locked onto her form at the top of the tree.

She was laying, her back resting on the branch, legs dangling down on either side. Even from his spot, he could see that she wasn’t afraid of falling. He listened to see if she was crying and was relieved when she wasn’t.

“It’s Cece,” she shouted back down, face facing the sky.

Steve’s heart skipped a beat at her voice, secretly relieved that she wasn’t going to ignore him. “Please come down!” he hollered up to her. “I’m sorry I reacted so negatively. I was just surprised!”

He could hear a deep sigh escape from her lips. She then hooked her legs around the branch and leaned over so she was hanging upside down, grabbing the next branch below and lowered her body down. Steve was amazed at the amount of strength it took to execute such controlled movements. Cece continued to climb her way down the tree until she was on the lowest branch, eye level with Steve.

Steve offered her a hand to help her down, but she shook her head at him, alternatively, laid down on her stomach on the branch. “I’m going to just hang out here if that’s okay.” He could see the worry behind her eyes at his potential rejection and that guilt pressed at his heart. He realized that she probably didn’t open up to people that often, let alone those she just met and he fucking blew it.

He tucked his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “I really mucked that up, didn’t I?”

He almost expected her to giggle at his question, but instead, she shook her head in negation, eyes closing once again. The guilt clutched at him over again and Steve longed to see her emerald eyes….to convey his own sincerity, of course.

“It’s my fault,” Cece’s voice broke through, bringing Steve back to the moment. “I should have warned you about that…or maybe just not have done it at all.” She pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes and groaned. “Gods I’m so stupid! I just need to use my words. Words!” she reprimanded herself, shaking her head.

Steve was quick to reach out, grasping her hands in his. Her eyes popped open and she looked at him not in surprise, but with interest.

Realizing what he was doing, he dropped her hands, flushing bright red. He gave her a sheepish smile, scratching the back of his head nervously. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have grabbed you without your permission.” He stuffed his hands back into his pockets and made eye contact with her. “But…let’s come to a compromise. Next time you want to show me something like that,” he nods towards the trunk of the tree, “you give me a heads up so I can prepare myself for a sensory overload.” He offered her a smile, waiting to see if he would get one in return.

His heart skipped again when a small smile graced her rosy lips. He really needed to get checked out.

“Fair enough,” she agreed, biting her bottom lip.

Silence hung between the two of them for a moment. They were waiting to see who would break first.

Steve’s curiosity won out. “Two questions,” he started, giving off an apprehensive laugh. “You said ‘gods’ earlier. Is there a reason for that?”

This time, she let out a real laugh. “Would you believe me if I say that I’m friends with Loki? We met some time ago and he likes to curse his ancestors a lot and it may have rubbed off on me.”

Steve blinked, unsure how to respond to that. “You…you’re friends with the guy who tried to take over the world?” he asked incredulously.

Cece let out a small sigh, all signs of happiness vanishing. “I’ll be honest, Steve, I don’t know what happened there. He may be more inclined to mischief, but this is different. That’s not the Loki I know.”

A shiver goes down Steve’s spine when he heard her say his name, but he tried to ignore it. Instead, he asked, “You speak as if you’ve known him a long time. But you can’t be more than what, twenty-five?” He looks her form up and down, and nods, agreeing with his own assessment. He then blushed, realizing that he essentially just checked her out. Internally, he was panicking, praying that she did notice.

She lets out a cute snort. “Appearances can be deceptive, Steven. You of all people should know that. I’m actually 62. ALMOST 63. You know, because that ‘almost’ matters.” She glanced over toward Steve and laughed at the surprised expression on his face. “What, you think you’re the only one who can stay young forever?” she teased, sticking her tongue out at him. “How rude!”

Steve shook his head to clear his racing thoughts and leaned towards her in interest. “You mean to tell me that you don’t age? Or you just age very, VERY slowly?”

She nodded, “I haven’t aged since..well, if I had to guess, 1979?” She shrugged indifferently. “No one of my family has aged past 24, 25.”

His jaw dropped but was quick to close it. “So wait, do they have gifts?”

Cece sat up abruptly, her eyes scanning the area around them. After a moment, she turned her attention back to Steve. “You said you had two questions,” she reminded him, changing the subject.

Steve caught on to what she was doing but allowed it. “Oh yeah, my other question was more about the specifics of your abilities. Bucky explained it a little to me, but what you showed me was more than I had imagined. And it wasn’t even a person. Can you do that will any living thing? How does that play into your ability to manipulate connections? And what about removing Hydra’s control over Bucky?”

The woman rolled her eyes at him and held up a hand, stopping his list of questions. “That’s a lot of curiosity you have there, uh?” she teased, swinging her legs over to one side, placing her hands on either side of her and leaned forward, getting close to Steve’s face. “Are you always so…intuitive?” she whispered, eyes flickering to his lips before meeting his blue eyes again.

Steve gulped, the air around him feeling thicker. “I-uh….what?”

Cece gave him a satisfied smirk and leaned back, clucking her tongue at him. “You’re too cute,” she cooed. “But, to answer your questions simply. I can see, if I so choose, all of the connections inside any organic being. Beyond that, with just a glance, I know exactly what the purpose of that connection is and how it is supposed to function. With my studies to become a doctor, I know what belongs and what doesn’t, such as tumors. But when I touch,” she caressed her hand over the coarse bark, “I catch glimpses of memories. It comes to me all at once and it took…awhile to be able to get a good handle of it. As you know, it can be overwhelming.” She gave him a sheepish smile. “Sorry about that again. I’m used to it and didn’t think.”

Steve was listening intently. He waved her apology off and nodded for her to continue. “How was I able to see that?”

She shrugged. “I can’t explain how or why. All I know is that touch can be a powerful thing.” She gave him a wink and he blushed again. Her grin widened at his embarrassment and she continued animatedly. “As for Bucky, there are some cases where I can see…well, I would describe it as black goo seeping in every crevice in a person's mind. I could spot it on him a mile away. It wasn’t natural and I could feel how toxic and overall consuming it was. So, I kidnapped him.” She gave a fond smile at the memory. “That’s easily one of my greatest accomplishments. How many people do you know can take out The Winter Soldier?” She giggled. “Anywho, I took care of it and helped him out. But yeah, that’s…that’s a pretty basic overview of what I can do.”

“Wow,” was Steve’s brilliant response.

She giggled once again, “You’re too cute.” She hopped off the branch and landed silently on the balls of her feet. Glancing at her wristwatch, she realized that an hour had passed and knew Michael would burn the place down if she wasn’t home soon. “Time to head back to camp,” she told Steve, looking up at him. “Are you and Bucky spending the night? We can snag two more cots if we need too as long as you don’t mind camping out.”

Steve stared out at the land around them, unsure of what he should do. It wasn’t like he and Bucky had a set plan for where to go next. One night in a random village wouldn’t do any harm. Then in the morning, he could go over what to do to get into the compound with Cece and Michael. That, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to part ways yet. His curiosity was winning out and he wanted to learn more about this beautiful woman before him.

Beautiful? Where did that come from?

“Steve?”

He blinked at the mention of his name, focusing back on the present.

“We’ll stay the night.”

She beamed brightly at him and his heart thumped heavily in his chest (yet again). “Excellent!”

Chapter Five

Everything Tags: @bettercallsabs @thinkwritexpress-official @mermaidxatxheart @geeksareunique @dont-stop-keep-walking

All My Heroes Tags: @deaniebean @asguardiansoftheavengers @thinkingsofamadwoman @spaceandstars @shreddedparchment @shynara51

#All My Heroes #Steve Rogers #Steve Rogers Fic #Steve Rogers x OFC #OC #Original Character #Captain America x Reader #Steve Rogers x Reader #Captain America x OFC #Captain America Fic #Captain America #Steve Rogers Imagine #Captain America Imagine #Marvel #Marvel Fic #Marvel Imagine #bucky barnes x ofc #Original Fictional Character

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ganymedesclock · 6 years

Note

Based on your metas on Quintessence amplifying negative behaviour, is possible that Shiro may start accusing his team of being cowards or other words the same way Honerva called Alfor a coward (it sounds like she always felt that way about him but never said it to his face)? For example, what if we were to learn that Shiro was still holding a grudge against Allura for hiding information about Black Lion's past and abilities during a heated argument and he calls her untrustworthy for it.

...I feel like you’ve mistaken my meta for someone else’s. To my knowledge, that’s... not been a stance I’ve taken on quintessence, not in that direction, and it’s actually a take I personally kind of dislike, so if I’ve implied that before, I do apologize.

I do think the rift entity was an enabler for Zarkon and Honerva, but not in any supernatural mind-altering manner, but about the same way they’re an enabler for each other.

If anything, I dislike the idea that the quintessence itself causes people to act badly. I think at best, it’s something that lowers inhibitions a little- because it’s power. Power lowers inhibitions. If there’s less consequences for what you do, you’re going to act, well, less encumbered by consequences.

But removing inhibitions just means that you act more as you naturally are. And I really, really doubt “people are naturally evil” is an assertion VLD is making.

Given the Lions are basically indefinite energy machines / hyper-quintessence beings, and all of our heroes have spent five seasons now with the Lions in their minds, if quintessence were something that inherently exacerbates the worst of you, we would see that.

(Also, that appears to be one way Honerva actually is a reliable narrator about the stuff- it’s life. Allura in s1e1 talks about “the quintessence of the pilot is mirrored in his lion” which would tell us with nobody dabbling in magic, they’re already full of it, which makes sense, because they’re alive. Zarkon’s an unusual case because he’s basically a vampire- he’s gorging himself on the stuff, stolen from other people and processed into a heavily concentrated unnatural form)

Shiro’s not going to start acting like Zarkon because he’s fundamentally unlike Zarkon in several key ways. I think people accuse the way he yells at Lance or tries to direct the team as him doing that, especially when he pulls, basically, “I’m in charge here”.

The thing is, if you look at the underlying attitudes and how it is they choose to bash ahead, it’s clear that this is not “Shiro becoming Zarkon” as much as “certain Black Paladin virtues create certain tendencies, and both Shiro and Zarkon have those.”

The common ground to Shiro snapping at his team and Zarkon arguing with Alfor is that the Black Paladin is someone who is very responsive to, and tries to evaluate and influence their situation. They’re a person whose reflex to bad things happening is to take charge.

If you’re someone who responds to situations by trying to control them, feeling like something bad is happening and you aren’t in control is very upsetting. Especially if you, like Shiro and young Zarkon both do, have a significant sense of personal responsibility.

We’ve seen this quality rear its head in far more sympathetic ways, from both of them- in s4e1 Shiro is visibly pained watching and listening to his team get hurt when he can’t intervene, take charge of the situation, and protect them. In s3e7 Zarkon absolutely explodes at Alfor when they’re heading to the Lions for the first time because his people are in danger.

Shiro blows up at the team over the Kral Zera simply because, from his perspective, if anything bad happens because they didn’t leap on this opportunity when they had it, that’s going to be on his head. People are going to suffer (this is a point that he brings up and dwells on repeatedly through this discussion).

But there’s also contrasts, that betray not minor shifts in mentality but fundamental differences in how Shiro and Zarkon view the universe.

When Zarkon gambles behind the team’s back, he gambles everyone’s safety.Zarkon lies to the paladins about what they’re going to do, takes them to and into the rift anyway, and the real icing is, he specifically sets up Alfor to personally do the thing that Alfor has been refusing to do the entire time. Once there, he abandons all four of them to focus on his very personal selfish victory: getting Honerva her life-saving dunk in the rift.

When Shiro gambles behind the team’s back, the only chips he puts on the table are his own and those of people who are going into this with clear informed consent- Black and Lotor. Both in s5e2 and s5e4 when things go downhill, Shiro focuses on his team and very actively and proactively goes to protect them. In s5e2 he can even be shown subtly warning Pidge and Matt something’s about to go down.

When Zarkon apologizes to the team, it is directly a manipulation and part of a conversation where he heavily lies to the team, pulls heartstrings, and otherwise does everything he can to get them on board with the aforementioned deceit where he risks all of the Lions and the other paladins.

When Shiro apologizes to Keith (s3e6) and Lance (s5e3) they’re in downtime, when Shiro obviously lacks an agenda or anything to gain because Shiro’s either already got what he’s wanted, or this conversation won’t change the other person’s mind to convince them to work with him. He’s also very honest with them during that time, in the case of apologizing to Lance, even though he doesn’t remember calling out to Lance in the void, he specifically phrases this in a way as to not imply Lance is making something up or didn’t see what he thought he did.

For Shiro, someone whose assessments of the world are very important to him, I feel like admitting that he’s doubting his own perceptions to Lance- which he does twice, repeating that in s5e6- is a huge deal.

Coming back to what you said about quintessence, not only does quintessence not work that way, but we have no real evidence Shiro is directly quintessence-tinted any more than he was at the beginning of the show thanks to Haggar’s experimentation on him. He doesn’t have the glowing or unusually vibrant eyes we’re used to, when even Lotor, who doesn’t have “zombie eyes” has an unnatural vividness to his hair and eye colors alike.

If Operation Kuron is affecting Shiro’s behavior, it’s doing so via the avenues we’ve been explicitly told about- the headaches, the disorientation. You have to consider that the biggest person paying attention to his behavior lately is Lance.(though others, notably Hunk and Allura, are also commenting on it and Lotor gets an obvious reaction shot looking worriedly after Shiro)

Lance has been shown to be very good at reading unusual patterns in people’s behavior. In s1e1 he’s the one who challenges Pidge on how she predictably is angered about Kerberos, in s2e2 as soon as he’s tasked upon to pretend he’s still mind controlled he whips out the same “safe and warm” that all of the enthralled mermaids are using.

It’s fair to figure that Lance is also reading Shiro, with his usual level of emotional perceptiveness. And if you look at how Lance talks to Shiro, even during the arguments?

Lance is not acting challenging, or even angry. He tends to act reassuring.

Lance is responding to Shiro because he’s reading Shiro’s behavior as stressed, upset, confused- his role in these conversations has been to try and facilitate communication and empathy. Even privately talking to Allura about Shiro, his response is “Shiro is under a lot of stress, he’s not your enemy, he’s our friend, we shouldn’t be fighting him.”

Even his expression after Shiro yells at him is more overtly worried than it is heartbroken. We know what upset Lance looks like- he tends to look down, fold inwards- he even cries easily. This doesn’t look to me like a Lance who’s just folding in on himself because someone he looks up to yelled at him.

That’s miles of difference compared to the looks Alfor gave Zarkon when Zarkon snapped at him.

And heck, even the nature of the snapping is very different in these scenes- Shiro snaps at Lance to “stay out of this” which is just sort of standard argument wording, while Zarkon basically insinuates that Alfor- his close friend- is a stranger and has no say what happens on Daibazaal.

So... No. I don’t think we’ll see Shiro deteriorate or “move towards” where Zarkon and Haggar went- because Shiro’s not even on the same track.

#voltron legendary defender #vld #Shiro #Zarkon #quintessence #readmore #Anonymous

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tinyshe · 3 years

Text

“Around the world, reports are pouring in of people dying shortly after receiving the COVID-19 vaccine. In many cases, they die suddenly within hours of getting the shot. In others, death occurs within the span of a couple of weeks.

“One notable case is baseball legend Hank Aaron, 86, who died January 22, 2021, 17 days after publicly getting vaccinated for COVID-19.1,2 He said at the time that he hoped other Blacks would follow his lead and get their vaccines too.

“According to news reports, he died “peacefully in his sleep” and no cause of death had been announced. Aaron was famous for being the home-run king of baseball, and broke Babe Ruth’s record when he hit homerun No. 715; he had hit 755 by the time he retired from the sport.

29 Dead in Norway

“In related news, Norway has recorded 29 senior citizen deaths in the wake of their vaccination push.3 Most were over the age of 75. A total of 42,000 Norwegians had by that time received the vaccine.

“While health officials initially downplayed any connection to the vaccine, a report in Bloomberg suggests the Norwegian Medicines Agency are now reconsidering. At the time of the deaths, the Pfizer vaccine was the only COVID-19 vaccine available in Norway, so “all deaths are thus linked to this vaccine,” the agency told Bloomberg.4

“’There are 13 deaths that have been assessed, and we are aware of another 16 deaths that are currently being assessed,’ the agency said. All the reported deaths related to ‘elderly people with serious basic disorders,’ it said.

‘Most people have experienced the expected side effects of the vaccine, such as nausea and vomiting, fever, local reactions at the injection site, and worsening of their underlying condition’ …

“The findings have prompted Norway to suggest that COVID-19 vaccines may be too risky for the very old and terminally ill, the most cautious statement yet from a European health authority.

The Norwegian Institute of Public Health judges that ‘for those with the most severe frailty, even relatively mild vaccine side effects can have serious consequences. For those who have a very short remaining life span anyway, the benefit of the vaccine may be marginal or irrelevant.’”

Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, commented that the deaths have to be “put into context with the population they occurred in.”5

In other words, they were old and old people die. It’s hypocrisy at its finest. When seniors die before vaccination, it’s due to COVID-19 and something must be done to prevent it, but when they die after vaccination, they die of natural causes and no preventive action is necessary.

The World Health Organization added that since there was “no certain connection” of the vaccines to Norway’s deaths, there is no reason to discontinue giving it to senior citizens.

Questionable Coincidences

Interestingly, several areas have reported that deaths are rapidly increasing AFTER vaccination programs are implemented. The news stories don’t actually say it straight out, but if you look at dates given, it raises questions. One such example is what’s happening in Gibraltar at the southern tip of Spain, which has a population of 34,000.

The area rolled out its vaccination program on January 9, 2021, using the Pfizer mRNA vaccine. By January 17, 2021, 5,847 doses had been administered (about 17% of the population), according to a report by MedicalXpress.6

The curious thing about it is that the area’s first recorded death from COVID-19 didn’t occur until mid-November 2020. By January 6, three days before the vaccination program began, the total COVID-19-related death toll reportedly stood at 10.

Then, by January 17, the total death toll had suddenly skyrocketed to 45. In other words, 35 people died in the first eight days of the vaccination program. Most were in their 80s and 90s.

Chief Minister Fabian Picardo said, "This is now the worst loss of life of Gibraltarians in over 100 years. Even in war, we have never lost so many in such a short time."7 None of the deaths are being blamed on the vaccine, however. Instead, they’re loosely blaming them on the new variant of SARS-CoV-2.

Vaccine Rollout Coincides With Outbreak

Other areas are also reporting “outbreaks” of COVID-19, resulting in increased death tolls, after the rollout of vaccinations. Case in point: In Auburn, New York, a COVID-19 outbreak began December 21, 2020, in a Cayuga County nursing home.8,9 Before this outbreak, no one in the nursing home had died from COVID-19.

The next day, December 22, they started vaccinating residents and staff. The first death was reported December 29, 2020. Between December 22, 2020, and January 9, 2021, 193 residents (80%) received the vaccine, as did 113 staff members.

As of January 9, 2021, 137 residents had been infected and 24 had died. Forty-seven staff members had also tested positive for SARS-CoV-2 and one was on life-support.

Considering we’re also seeing cases in which healthy young and middle-aged individuals die within days of receiving the vaccine, it’s not inconceivable that the vaccine might have something to do with these dramatic rises in deaths among the elderly in various parts of the world. In fact, I’d expect it.

You can rest assured, however, that the public health authorities and media will not report these observations. Anything that conflicts with vaccine safety and effectiveness will be intentionally and universally buried. This is precisely their modus operandi of the past three decades, so it’s really up to each individual to do their own research.

Massive Amounts of Serious Side Effects Emerging

While the global vaccine campaign is less than a month old in most places, reports of serious side effects have already started pouring in. Many are sharing their personal experiences on social media networks. Disturbingly, many are having their stories censored as misleading or false. Videos, in particular, tend to be taken down.

Aside from sudden death within hours or days,10,11,12,13,14 examples of side effects among survivors of the Pfizer and Moderna mRNA vaccines include:

Persistent malaise15,16 and extreme exhaustion17

Severe allergic, including anaphylactic reactions18,19,20

Multisystem inflammatory syndrome21

Chronic seizures and convulsions22,23

Paralysis,24 including Bell’s Palsy25

To get a feel for what’s really happening, check out prezi.com, where someone has started collecting stories from various social media posts. It’s a rather shocking compilation that is well worth sharing with family and friends who are still on the fence about getting the vaccine.

Many say they “feel weird” and that they “don’t feel like myself.” Dizziness, racing heart and extreme high blood pressure seem to be a common complaint, as is severe, chronic seemingly “unbreakable” headache that does not respond to medication. Many describe the pain they feel in their body as “being run over by a bus” or “being beaten with a bat.”

Some report swollen and painful lymph nodes, severe muscle pain and gastrointestinal issues. Symptoms mimicking stroke are being reported, even though CT scans show nothing of concern. One such report is from a 19-year-old girl. Several report lethal heart attacks claiming the lives of someone they love.

Psychological effects are also starting to creep in. One woman who is on chemotherapy reports “mood changes with intermittent periods of elation and mild euphoria.” Bouts of anxiety, depression, brain fog, confusion and dissociation are also being reported, as is an inability to sleep.

One person reports having lost “the voice in my head,” which I suspect is the ability to hear yourself think. Another reports losing the ability to formulate words about half an hour after getting the first dose of vaccine, and a third reports “struggling for lost words.” Loss of taste and/or smell are also being reported, as well as taste alterations. Several say they have developed a metallic taste since their vaccination.

One pregnant woman reported spontaneous rupture of the amniotic sac resulting in premature delivery. Another woman’s baby was found to have no heartbeat two days after her vaccination and was delivered stillborn. Several describe effects suggesting vascular problems, such as skin blotchiness and fingers turning blue.

We see mass cell activation syndromes. The clinical symptoms are going to be the inflammatory diseases. We hear everybody calling it ‘long haul COVID’ — the extreme, profound, crippling fatigue, the inability to produce energy from your mitochondria. It's not long haul COVID. It's exactly what it always was — myalgic encephalomyelitis, inflammation of the brain and the spinal cord. ~ Judy Mikovits Ph.D.

While people are hoping and praying their side effects will be temporary, a significant portion say they’re still struggling with the effects one or two weeks after their shot. Time will tell whether they turn out to be permanent, but considering the fact that the mRNA vaccines reprogram your DNA, there’s certainly the possibility that they might be long-lasting.

Side Effects Were Predictable

I recently interviewed cellular and molecular biologist Judy Mikovits, Ph.D., about the mechanics of COVID-19 mRNA vaccines, which are in actuality gene therapy. They’re not conventional vaccines. Compare the summary of reported side effects in the section above to the longer-term side effects she suspects will become commonplace, based on the mechanics and biological effects of these gene therapy “vaccines”:

Migraines

Involuntary muscle movements, tics and spasms

Parkinson’s disease

Microvascular disorders

Cancers

Severe pain syndromes

Bladder problems

Kidney disease

Psychological disorders such as psychosis and autism spectrum

Neurodegenerative diseases

Sleep disorders

Infertility and other reproductive problems

The underlying causes, according to Mikovits, are neuroinflammation and dysregulation of the immune system and endocannabinoid system.

“It's the brain on fire,” she says. “You're going to see ticks, you're going to see Parkinsonian disease, you're going to see ALS, you're going to see things like this developing at extremely rapid rates, and it's inflammation of the brain.

It's not long haul COVID. It's exactly what it always was — myalgic encephalomyelitis, inflammation of the brain and the spinal cord. What they're intentionally doing is killing off [certain] populations.”

Discrepancies in Moderna’s FDA Report

According to a recent report by The Defender,26 there are significant discrepancies in the data Moderna submitted to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration:

“Moderna’s reported death rate for its COVID vaccine, based on clinical trials, is 5.41 times greater than Pfizer’s. Yet neither are representative of national death rates — that’s a red flag …

The Moderna vaccine arm death rate of 0.36 deaths/100K/day) is 5.14 times higher than Pfizer’s (0.07 deaths/100K/day). This large discrepancy deserves notice and requires explanation.

If Moderna’s on-vaccine death rate is so far below the national death rate and also simultaneously more than five times greater than Pfizer’s on-vaccine death rate, then Pfizer’s study sample appears even less representative of the entire population. This, too, requires due consideration …

When comparing [Moderna’s] study-wide number of deaths per day per 100K for the study to that of the entire U.S. population from 2019, I was shocked: the national number of deaths per day per 100K is 2.44.

Moderna’s screening process and exclusion criteria in the trial led to evidence that the general population is dying at a rate 6.3 times greater than the death rate in the Moderna trial — which means the Moderna study, including its estimated efficacy rate and the vaccine’s alleged safety profile — cannot possibly be relevant to most of the U.S. population.

The super-healthy cohorts studied by Moderna are in no way representative of the U.S. population. Most deaths from COVID-19 involve pre-existing health conditions of the types excluded from both Pfizer and Moderna trials …

Those enrolling in the post-market surveillance studies deserve to know the abject absence of any relevant information on efficacy and risk for them. In their zeal to help humanity, or to help themselves, these people may very well be walking into a situation that will cause autoimmunity due to pathogenic priming, potentially leading to disease enhancement should they become infected following vaccination.”

Why Is Moderna’s Gene Therapy Deadlier Than Pfizer’s?

What might account for Moderna’s gene therapy “vaccine” causing more than five times more deaths than Pfizer’s? One possibility raised in The Defender’s article is that they failed to “screen out unsafe epitopes to reduce autoimmunity due to homology between parts of the viral protein and the human proteome.”

According to a 2020 paper27 in the Journal of Translational Autoimmunity, “Pathogenic priming likely contributes to serious and critical illness and mortality in COVID-19 via autoimmunity,” noting that the same may apply post-vaccination.

As explained in this paper, all but one of SARS-CoV-2 immunogenic epitopes are similar to human proteins. Epitopes28 are sites on the virus that allow antibodies or cell receptors in your immune system to recognize it.

This is why epitopes are also referred to as “antigenic determinants,” as they are the parts that are recognized by an antibody, B-cell receptor or T-cell receptor. Most antigens — substances that bind specifically to an antibody or a T-cell receptor — have several different epitopes, which allow it to be recognized by several different antibodies.

According to the author, some epitopes can cause “autoimmunological pathogenic priming due to prior infection or following exposure to SARS-CoV-2 … following vaccination.”

In other words, if you’ve had the infection once, and get reinfected (either by SARS-CoV-2 or a sufficiently similar coronavirus), the second bout has a great potential to be more severe than the first. Similarly, if you get vaccinated and are then infected with SARS-CoV-2, your infection may be more severe than had you not been vaccinated.

For this reason, “these epitopes should be excluded from vaccines under development to minimize autoimmunity due to risk of pathogenic priming,” the paper warns. The abstract lays out the basics of the pathogenic priming process.29 As noted in The Defender:30

"Thus, concern over vaccine-induced pathogenic priming is not zero, but it may be less than COVID-19 vaccines that use more than one SARS-CoV-2 protein. However, the hyper-focused IgG response to the fewer antigens could cause hyperimmunization, a condition considered ripe for off-target autoimmunity attacks."

Are Lethal Effects Being Hidden?

The Defender points out that vaccine trials never use inert placebos. Instead, many use another vaccine. By doing so, they effectively hide side effects. In the case of Moderna, a total of 13 people died in the trial, seven in the vaccine group and eight in the placebo group. One severe adverse event in the placebo group, however, was relabeled as a death, and one death in the vaccine group was relabeled as a severe adverse event.

In the vaccine group, deaths were listed as cardio-respiratory arrest, heart attack, multisystem organ failure, head injury and suicide. None of the deaths were linked to the vaccine.

However, as noted in The Defender, heart attacks can involve autoimmunity and have been seen in post-vaccinations before. Multisystem organ failure is also “consistent with autoimmunity against ubiquitously expressed proteins as a result of vaccination.”

“The suicide cannot be ruled out as not due the vaccine, either,” The Defender writes, noting it could be related to “autoimmunity against oxytocin or serotonin receptors,” which might result in “devastating depression.”

Indeed, prezi.com includes a number of reports of people saying they’ve experienced anxiety and depression following their vaccination. Depression is also a possible outcome of neuroinflammation, as noted by Mikovits.

Do a Risk-Benefit Analysis Before Making Up Your Mind

While both Pfizer and Moderna report low rates of side effects — Moderna’s being just 0.5% — the rates of side effects in the real world appear to be extraordinarily high. Data are still hard to come by, but if we go by initial data reported by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,31 we end up with a side effect rate in the real world of 2.79%.

By December 18, 2020, 112,807 Americans had received their first dose of COVID-19 vaccine. Of those, 3,150 suffered one or more “health impact events,” defined as being “unable to perform normal daily activities, unable to work, required care from doctor or health care professional.” If you divide the number of reported side effects with the number that received the vaccine, you get a side effect rate of 2.79%.

If you then extrapolate that to the total U.S. population of 328.2 million, we may be looking at 9,156,780 Americans suffering vaccine injuries if everyone gets vaccinated.

[to see full article with tables/graphs and other information not picked up in a cut and paste please go here]

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leonawriter · 6 years

Text

To Change A Sombre Morrow (chapter ten)

Read it on AO3

Fandom: Final Fantasy VII

Characters: Genesis, Sephiroth, Angeal, others.

Summary: Various people get to play the asshole. Some more intentionally than others. Genesis is vaguely ignorant - and unaware - and is starting to realise as much.

...

Genesis' mind turns into white static at the sudden addition of a familiar long blade unexpectedly appearing to clash against his own in the middle of his training.

His body responded automatically, patterns coming back by reflex while his mind is still struggling to catch up - not even Jenova cells at their strongest could recover that fast from a flash of fire to the face, a kick to the stomach area, his sword brought around to-

Nothing.

Adrenaline buzzes in his ears, a warning that something is wrong. The feeling that any moment now, there will be black feathers and silver hair. The conflict between the need to bring out his own wing for the ability to fly and to utilise the advanced combat capabilities it gave him and the agitated feeling that he was forgetting something, with how the wind didn't sting and the dust didn't dry his eyes or burn his skin-

There's a slight breeze as he turns around, only to see Sephiroth regarding him quite calmly from several feet away. Masamune is still drawn, but not attack-ready. He tilts his head, and the slight wind picks up his hair, obscuring his face even further.

A Behemoth lay, sliced apart and completely motionless, on the ground between them, before disintegrating into pixels. The landscape stayed the same, although now that he was reminded that it was merely a digital representation of the Midgar wastes, a lot of things made much more sense.

"So. It seems your reaction to my presence wasn't merely a one off occurrence. I had wondered."

"If you wanted to spar, you could have just asked," Genesis bit back, nerves still on edge.

"That," Sephiroth said deliberately, "would have defeated the point entirely. And besides," he added, matter of fact, "you've been avoiding me again."

Genesis' mouth opened to retort that no, he had not, but his hand tightened around Rapier's hilt. Remembered how his regained memories that had given him the unwanted gift of nightmares had left him unsure of how to handle his interactions for a time. He looked away, grimacing as he realised that they had noticed.

Avoidance hadn't been an issue in the past. His issues hadn't been the kind he'd felt the need to avoid people over, and in the few cases where they had been, it had been easy enough just to not bring up the problem, pretend it didn't exist.

Being a deserter and fugitive had meant that the only times people had wanted to find him were when they wanted to hunt him down - and not usually to have a friendly discussion. As though he would have encouraged that sort of idea in the first place, at the time.

Waking up to a world post-Meteor had meant that he had been left to himself for the most part again. It was taken as a given that if you'd been part of SOLDIER, if anyone had worked for Shinra, then you'd need time to sort your head out.

Here and now... there was none of that. It seemed that he would constantly be discovering new ways in which his temporal displacement made life harder for him.

"...Honestly, I can't imagine what could have happened to you, to cause my presence to be that distressing." Sephiroth sounded... disturbed. Frustrated. Of course you wouldn't, was Genesis' immediate reaction, but that wouldn't do anything for either of them. "But if that is the case, then I will... remove myself."

Genesis closed his eyes, unsure who or what the surge of disgust and hatred brought about by those words was caused by or aimed at, as Sephiroth straightened, suddenly cold - no, withdrawn, that's what Cloud looks like whenever he's in one of his moods - and walked past him, dismissing his sword and terminating the program as he went, so that the environment around them dissolved into digital data as it turned back into the training room.

This is what I'm good at, isn't it? I push people away, and then I wonder why none of us can handle the pressure. Cloud's group had never been like this. Cloud's group had stuck together for as long as he'd known them. And before they'd been Cloud's group, Zack had done the same. I wonder if that's why all of this happened in the first place.

They would probably know what to do, he thought bitterly. But the Goddess sent me.

"My friend, your desire is the giver of life, the Gift of the Goddess..."

Sephiroth paused, at the door.

"LOVELESS, again? You've moved to Act Three," he said, the words halting rather than the easy ribbing they'd once been.

"What else? But... no. I think we're still in the prologue."

Remembering what he'd said to Vincent, back in Nibelheim. Remembering how he looked at the calendars and found himself flicking through diaries and organisers, irritated at how slowly time passed, how much was still yet to happen, to be changed, to be stopped, and he felt like he had hardly moved, despite everything that he had accomplished.

"What an odd thing to say."

"Well, we still have a long way to go." He turned on his heel, to talk to Sephiroth's back rather than the wall. "I mean what I said before. If you want to spar, ask me. No one likes the ass who pokes at a person's issues just to see how they'll react," he said wryly.

"Oh? It almost sounds like you're speaking from experience."

Even knowing he was probably just referring to something relatively harmless, Genesis still flinched.

"I can't say I'm not fool enough anymore to say that's wrong," he mused, half in answer and half to himself.

Sephiroth huffed, head tilting forward slightly as he made the amused sound, before picking up his feet again and moving out of the training room altogether, but not before Genesis noticed that despite not knowing what he had been doing, some of the tension in Sephiroth's shoulders had loosened.

"Ha..."

Somehow, he didn't think that it could possibly be as simple as that.

...

"If it weren't for how you seem to have become allergic to doctors recently, I'd warn you away from the science department's floors," Angeal started saying the moment Genesis got in through the door of his office. "Actually, I'm still going to warn you to be careful."

He rolled his eyes, swept his hair away from his face, and leaned Rapier up against the wall before sitting heavily into his chair, and reaching for a pen, which he immediately started to tap onto the desk, taking some small pleasure in the fact that he knew it irritated his friend.

"I know that that already. They've been buzzing around like irritable wasps in white coats for a while now." Tap tap tap. He knew why, too, of course. Not that he was going to admit that any time soon. "The more pressing matter is why you're here. Don't you have an overexcitable puppy to be training?"

Angeal's brows raised, making Genesis wonder if he'd said something wrong, or if something had happened.

"Lazard wanted you to look over these," Angeal said, waving a hand at a pile of files on his desk that he hadn't even noticed until then, "and I figured I'd stay to make sure you actually did."

Genesis flipped open the top file, only to find a nondescript, unfamiliar face staring back at him. A glance at the rest of the page showed him a name, some basic details, and notes from the Instructors that tested the cadets.

He opened up a few others, creating a small pile of chaos on his desk. Once or twice, a name or face stirred faint recollections in the back of his mind - years old, dusty memories - and even rarer, was the one time when he knew he remembered the prospective cadet, but that wasn't necessarily a good thing.

"Lazard seems to have mixed up which department he's running, then. This is SOLDIER, not human resources. Or-" He cut himself off. There was no way that saying that SOLDIER were the human resource would be taken well.

Angeal rolled his eyes, smiling even though Genesis could tell that there was at least some annoyance in his friend, too.

"That's more or less what Sephiroth said, but at least he's able to get out of it with the excuse that they're sending him back off to the frontlines in the next day or so. And supposedly, according to Lazard at least, they seem to think that if they play things right, the war will be over soon, so they'll be able to be more picky when it comes to new recruits."

Genesis bit back a snort at the poor excuse the science department had come up with; if Shinra had the resources, then they would continue creating SOLDIERs, and if they had the SOLDIERs, then they would create their own wars. The one they'd had with Wutai had been that way.

His amusement bled out at the reminder of how little time he had left.

"And they expect us to be able to tell just by looking at paperwork?" he asked. Typical Shinra.

Not for the first time, he was struck by how strange it was that he was working for them again.

"Maybe they just didn't want to terrorise the cadets so early into their training."

His hand stilled as his eyes passed over a photo of a cadet with blond hair, but it was too curly, too dark, the face wrong, and when he looked closer, the eyes were still a light brown. Had to remind himself that no, Cloud would not be here yet, because if nothing else Genesis had flown back, and Hojo had probably used a company helicopter to get as close as he could. Cloud, having none of that, would take longer. Far longer.

He had to assume that in the original timeline he'd come from, none of this had happened. He certainly couldn't remember being asked to do such a thing before, no matter how distant or close he'd ever been with any of the cadets. Shinra had vetted the SOLDIER intake on basic merits and a psychological assessment to ensure they'd make it through the mako injections, and any that hadn't made it past that, they didn't hear anything further of, and that didn't always mean they'd just gotten shunted into the infantry.

Which meant that he might even recognise some of these names and faces, which should in theory give him an edge - in theory, at least.

In practice, all looking at the files was doing for him was piling frustration onto more frustration - the overwhelming realisation that despite having lured at least a good number of these men and women - teenagers still, here, the birth dates couldn't lie unless the candidates had, and the faces looked young sometimes - he hardly remembered who they were. Who they'd been.

He almost let out a shaky laugh, holding his face in the hand that wasn't turning the pages of the files.

I used them.

He'd known before. He'd had plenty of time to come to terms with the fact, even before Zack had reminded him of what having SOLDIER pride even meant. He'd been reminded, oh so politely, when Deepground had 'requested' his aid, and made him aware of what else had been done with his genetic information.

They thought I cared. Perhaps I had, before. They were wrong. I only cared about myself.

"I worry about you, sometimes."

Genesis tensed, abruptly reminded of Angeal's presence, having become so immersed in himself and his memories that he'd forgotten he wasn't alone.

"Perhaps you're right to," he muttered under his breath, not looking away from a face that he knew that if he stared at it long enough, he would remember something he wished best left forgotten.

"What was that?"

His eyes finally closed. "When the war of the beast's brings about the world's end, the goddess descends from the sky, wings of light and dark spread afar..."

They're sending us all off to die valiantly for their cause. They think that Sephiroth will continue to be the perfect toy soldier they modelled him into being, never once thinking that he might become bigger than any of this, or realise that the chains that bind him are as flimsy as cardboard, like I did.

His pen began to tap again, a smile, not entirely pleasant, playing on his lips.

"Genesis..."

Angeal's tone was worried again, but a different sort of worry. It was almost nostalgic, the way it reminded him of how Angeal always had worried too much when he'd been planning something reckless. It was too bad he wasn't going to be able to share those ideas of his this time around.

"You're planning something again, aren't you," Angeal carried on. "And you aren't going to tell anyone what you're doing again either, are you?" His friend looked away, and sighed. "When you went off last time, we had no idea where you'd gone until Lazard told us. We had to ask. And when you came back..."

Angeal trailed off. For the first time perhaps, Genesis noticed how tired his friend was.

...Honestly, I can't imagine what could have happened to you, to cause my presence to be that distressing. But if that is the case, then I will... remove myself.

"Angeal, I..."

He wanted, more than anything in that moment, to explain everything, let the words fall from his mouth like dumbapples over the fences and walls that he seemed to have put up without even having realised that he had been putting down the wood and bricks between them. A peace offering.

He closed his eyes for just one moment, and saw Banora burning in front of him as he watched - an empty town with nothing left to destroy, as the Turks had merely been destroying the evidence of his own crimes.

"Zack's been complaining that he was actually starting to get somewhere with you, you know. Keeps saying you look at him like you can see his potential."

He could almost laugh.

How could he say that he sometimes had that look in his eye because he had seen their future - a future where Zack had achieved that potential, carried Angeal's Buster Sword, because Angeal was dead?

He could just imagine the arguments, the accusations, the dismissals, the weapons drawn...

Genesis shook his head.

"I'll see what I can do," he said instead.

His mind wandered toward the date. It was late September, now. He felt like he was lying.

...

He'd left Edge and Midgar behind without having told anyone, not long after regaining his energy, and being able to move around without someone looking like they were going to hold him at sword point simply for stepping out of line.

It's a familiar route, to Banora. He could probably fly there in his sleep, like how a chocobo knew its way home.

The journey had still taken a while, though, but that'd mostly been because he'd made an effort not to fly near too many people, and in the past three years, people had been rebuilding, and creating entirely new towns. It had changed the landscape, and the world had seemed a different place.

He's sure there's a an old children's story along those lines. From before Shinra, but sanitised so that anything the company had been displeased with had been removed - about a man who slept for a hundred years inside a crystal, and who had woken up to find that nothing was familiar, and all his friends were old.

Banora itself, he'd found as he'd approached on the back of a truck, had not changed all that much, though.

If anything, the Lifestream must have found it easier to burst forth here, coming up through ways that were already open. A few places seemed a little more worn away than before, but in general...

What was new, was the few huts that had sprung up near the orchards, people picking the apples, which had made his fingers twitch for his materia, because some of those were his trees - his, damn it - but he had forced himself to look away, to focus on what he'd come here for.

The caves were colder than he remembered, but the routes hadn't changed.

Rapier had been right where he'd left it, where it had fallen after his fight with Zack. The once beautiful sword had been caked with dirt, with a few patches of rust in places that had become damp, but none of that had mattered. It was and had been an old friend, a constant he had been glad to see once more.

He could still remember wiping it down briefly before wrapping it up to clean it properly later, and leaving.

"Wha- hey! Be careful in here, these caves can be dangerous!"

He'd laughed, at the voice that had echoed in toward him. It must have been late on the surface, and the sun had always set away from the entrance, but it had never been all that dark inside, and he'd known the way like any child did their own playground. Their home.

"You don't need to worry about me," he'd said, bemused, as he'd come out.

The man, who had been hauling a heavy crate of apples, had turned. Backed away, first one step, then another.

"You..." Fear had laced the man's voice. His eyes, glowing, were wide. "They said you were dead," he said. "What do you want with us? Shinra's gone!"

"Even if the morrow is barren of promises, nothing shall forestall my return..." He'd shaken his head. "Death and rumours of my demise have hardly held me back before. I fail to see why I should have adhered to them." He'd taken an apple, a single Banora White, while his other hand still held his old sword still in its wrappings. "As for your questions... nothing. I don't want anything from you."

He could still remember the terror in the eyes of the former SOLDIER even weeks later, when he finally told Cloud, which had been while he was maintaining the sword back to perfect condition after its long disuse.

"I didn't merely recognise him," he'd said, in a light tone as though it wasn't important. As though it was simply some trivial matter, another item on the delivery list. "He served under me during the war. I'm fairly sure the only reason he didn't follow me when I encouraged desertion was something to do with not wanting to disappoint his family - saying that he'd attempt to work on Shinra from the inside."

Cloud hadn't said anything, although by the frown on his face he wasn't entirely unaffected.

"The next time we saw each other," Genesis had carried on, harsh cracks in the edges of his carefree attitude appearing in both his voice and the more jagged movements he was making while cleaning, "I only saw him as an obstacle in my way. Honestly, he's lucky to be alive."

He'd told himself that was at least one positive in the entire situation. At least if you met the people you'd wronged, they were still alive to meet. You couldn't meet the ghosts you'd left behind.

After a while, he had resigned himself to the fact that he more than likely wasn't going to get any sort of reply. But then, Cloud was hardly the talkative type. Zack had been, would have said something already, but no matter how many of Zack's mannerisms he could see coming to the surface from time, Cloud wasn't Zack.

Then-

"I think... I think I know what you mean," Cloud had said. He'd looked over. Bright blue eyes had looked troubled, the same way that Genesis had started to recognise in any of them when they began to think too much of the past. "When we were fighting Shinra, I... for a long time, I didn't even really know who I was. But then when I did, when I remembered... I realised I'd probably been killing a lot of the people I once fought beside. Some of them... even recognised me. And I still had to keep fighting. It isn't the same, but..."

Understanding.

They were both traitors to their own people, just on different sides of history. One remembered with fear and the other looked up to.

He'd nodded, and the subject had turned toward lighter subjects the next time anyone spoke.

...

Genesis walks out of Lazard's office and doesn't realise that he has his hand at his shoulder until Angeal asks him if it's giving him grief again. He shakes his head, and shrugs it off, because it hadn't been.

Old habits were hard to kill, and it's easy to get lost in memories when events play out a little too similarly.

He'd been given his marching orders once again. To Wutai, and Fort Tamblin. He could still remember the way that Lazard had danced around the subject of what he would actually be doing the first time around; the way that they had both treated the briefing almost as a scene in some gaudy theatre production full of intrigue and betrayal.

One of the more dry derivative works of LOVELESS had focused on the politics of the countries at war, and the effect the heroes' actions had on the world. It had been both similar to, and nothing at all like, that.

This time, Lazard had glanced at him aside several times, words prodding lightly at prospective openings. Genesis had made a few pointed remarks, implications, loopholes in supposedly simple things.

Genesis Rhapsodos holds no love for Shinra, he had communicated with everything unsaid and implied. But he is a hero, no matter what manner of monster Shinra has made him, and Goddess help you if you try to make him anything less.

He knew the difference now. At least, wanted to think that.

But now - he brushed the hair from his face to keep his hand from going back to his shoulder, put on a smile, and kept walking.

...

He slips out of the Shinra building as it starts to grow dark, not bothering to change his clothes but walking with that exact sort of confidence that made people question what they were seeing, made them assume that he clearly had business being where he was.

It wasn't hard. It was something he'd had practice in since his childhood, after all, and had even encouraged Angeal to it when his friend had looked panicked enough that he would have been caught if he hadn't calmed down one time; Genesis would have been annoyed if he had been, given how Angeal, despite the difference in status, had been his friend. One of his only friends back then, at that. He'd preferred Angeal out of trouble, if possible.

The theatre he found wasn't in LOVELESS Avenue. Instead, his feet had taken him to somewhere between the slums and the lower class parts of the entertainment district.

"When the war of the beasts brings about the world's end, the goddess descends from the sky," the man on the stage was saying. Genesis mouthed the words of the introduction to the act along with him - the bare bones of the story, the only thing that anyone could ever agree on, considering how many versions and derivative works there had been even at the time when it had been new. Now, even a slight change in wording could completely alter the tone of a scene.

It wasn't one of the expensive, extravagant productions to be found in one of the more upper class regions. Nor was it one of the philosophical, meaningful productions to be found in Junon, where the university students there used it as their outlet for exploration of the meaning of life.

The sets were shaky. The lines, often far more colloquial than Genesis was used to. Costumes were haphazard.

But the performance, despite everything else, had heart. For that, he could appreciate it, well worth his time far more than the easy viewing that he had been anticipating. A pleasant surprise.

Lost amid his own thoughts - about the play, their interpretation of it, the war, among other things - he knocks into someone on his way to the train that leads back to Sector Eight, and from there, the Shinra Building. He almost wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't heard the cut off cry as they fell.

He watches as she - and he even thinks he recognises her, auburn hair in a braid and light blue clothes - picks herself up again before he could even offer to help, if he had chosen to.

"Oh! I remember you," she said, "From the church, right?" She smiled. "Just passing through again, are you?"

Genesis raised his eyebrows at her.

"Do you have a habit of remembering everyone who passes through that church?"

"No. Just the-" her face twisted for a moment, as though she were trying to figure out the right words to use. As though she's forgotten her script, said the part of him that was still riding the high of having come out of a halfway decent performance. "Interesting ones," she finished.

"Fascinating," Genesis drawled out. "Unfortunately, I don't have time to ask just how you find me interesting."

"That's all right. I'm sure we'll meet again."

The words followed him all the way back to his rooms in Shinra. She'd probably meant that given how they'd met by chance twice already in spite of Midgar being the sprawling metropolis it was, the probability was high that it would happen again.

A shiver ran down his spine, however, remembering the exact way that something about her had tugged on the edges of his perception - not quite there, but almost, like a word on the tip of his tongue.

From the church, right?

It was her church. Or at least, we all think of it as hers. It's where Cloud found her...

He shrugged off his coat, and began to lay out his things so that they would be ready for the morning. They wouldn't leave until mid-morning, but it was still better to be prepared for every eventuality.

Some of the stitching was beginning to pull apart on the repair job he'd done when he'd arrived back that day; he would have to fix it again.

But not tonight.

The goddess is laughing at me, he thought, just as he drifted off. There's something I'm not seeing.

#ff7 #final fantasy vii #ff7 stuff #Leona fic #to change a sombre morrow verse #oh hi there #and yes the fic was being worked on for a while :)

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nigelssponfolio · 3 years

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Reflection on the subject including your sponsorship knowledge development and new insights, your engagement with your club and project team, and your presentation experience

Sport sponsorship is an area that while I had studied before, I was not particularly interested in. I always had a base level knowledge of basic sponsorship principles - things like needing to leverage, ways to market, rights for naming or logo placement etc. However, the subject broadened my understanding of several concepts and developed my knowledge on a few concepts that I’d only ever really heard of by name. It was somewhat challenging learning about it remotely as at times, the content isn’t necessarily the most engaging, thus making it harder to deliver and absorb.

Ormond Amateur Football Club was an excellent club to work with for the duration of the Applied Learning Project. Their commitment to being of assistance to us while we completed all the assessments throughout was nothing short of exceptional. They were very communicative and we felt quite blessed given the issues some of our peers had with their clubs.

Admittedly, during the sponsorship assessments, we probably could have had better and more specific conversations with them to better understand their current sponsorship agreements but as the unofficial group leader and my health situation, those were not organised.

The rest of the project team did help to some extent. Nash was typically helpful in wanting to get things done, always actively offering to help and wanting to get on top of tasks in a timely manner. His eagerness and commitment to all of our assessments ultimately helped get many of them done in time and to a satisfactory level. Cassie was generally reliable when delegated a task and would sometimes offer to do things but also would often have to work around her jobs. Siobhan, as has been the case for the duration of our time as a project team, was largely difficult to communicate with in that she would rarely respond to messages or acknowledge she was in receipt of a message which presented us with a few challenges.

Overall though, the generally worked well and we managed to present well every time we had to which was always a big relief as the organisation of the presentations was occasionally a little arduous. We struggled with our presentation timings in general through a lack of rehearsing, organisation and Siobhan’s ability to talk continuously.

On a personal note, I feel I presented reasonably, mainly struggling with the challenges of presenting remotely via Webex, not being able to constant eye contact with my audience and being able to gesture to the presentation as I would in person. The technological issues were occasionally frustrating and I believe impacted what would have been better presentations of my own behalf had the setting been normal. Ultimately, I’m content with my performance this semester despite the myriad of challenges.

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tech-battery · 3 years

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HP Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 review: A good laptop with better competition

The HP Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 (dw0097nr) is a competent convertible laptop for handling the day-to-day workload of a work-from-home or distance-learning experience. It also offers some unique features, including a rare cellular option and a full-sized SD card slot. The USB-C and HDMI ports allow for two additional displays, including 4K support. While these attributes work in the Pavilion x360’s favor, its middling performance and underwhelming battery life make other laptops we’ve tested in its price range seem like a better deal.

This review is part of our ongoing roundup of the best laptops. Go there for information on competing products and how we tested them.

As a convertible, HP’s Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 rotates easily into tent mode. The hinge is engineered well, preventing the laptop from sagging, even as it approaches a 180-degree angle.

HP Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 basic features

HP’s Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 hasn’t been on the market for long, but you may find that you’ll have a difficult time buying one—evidence of the buying spree brought on by the need to work/study from home during the pandemic. The laptop is currently available for $700 on HP.com, but in the course of the review it was sometimes sold out.

In case you can’t find it, HP representatives recommended some virtually identical alternatives. The $650 HP Pavilion x360 Laptop 14t-dw000 lacks the Optane memory option and LTE WWAN. The $586.95 HP Pavilion x360 14t-dh200 is even more similar, though it also lacks WWAN options and you’ll need to pay a bit more for the 1080p display option. Both the 14t-dw000 and 14t-dh200 were in stock at press time, however, and should offer comparable performance.

Keep in mind that in all these machines, the processor’s “G1” suffix denotes the minimal amount of graphics capability provided. Higher-end members of Intel’s 10th-gen Ice Lake family offer more visual horsepower.

Here are the specs for the unit we tested:

Display: 14-inch (1920x1080, WLED) multitouch, 250 nits (rated)

Processor: Intel Core i5-1035G1

Graphics: UHD 620

Memory: 8GB DDR4-3200 SDRAM (1 x 8 GB)

Storage: 256GB SSD+16GB Optane

Ports: 1 USB-C 3.2 Gen 2 (10Gbps, charging, display), 2 USB-A 3.2 Gen 1 (formerly USB 3.1, 5Gbps), 1 HDMI 2.0, SD card slot, 3.5mm jack, SIM slot (as reviewed)

Camera: 720p (user-facing)

Battery: 41.3Wh (reported), 43Wh (rated)

Wireless: WiFi 6 (Intel Wireless-AC 9461 802.11ac) and Bluetooth 5, with Connected Modern Standby; Intel LTE (XMM 7360) SIM slot (as reviewed)

Operating system: Windows 10 Home

Dimensions (inches): 12.76 x 8.70 x 0.74 inches

Weight: 3.55 pounds

Color: Natural Silver (Exterior)/ Ash Silver (Interior)

Price: $700

Overall build quality and display

HP’s Pavilion x360 14 emerges from its box a bit on the heavy side, though that’d only be an issue if you actually traveled with it. Our review unit boasts the rather generic Natural Silver exterior. A narrow band of silver runs around the edge of the Dark Ash Silver keyboard deck.

Because the Pavilion is a 360-degree convertible, it flips smoothly from clamshell back into tent mode, supporting its own weight. During a year when we’ve been stuck inside most of the time, I’ve grown to appreciate laptops that can serve as portable entertainment centers during off hours.

Above the keyboard lies an unobtrusive grille from which the Pavilion x360 14 vents its warm air. The laptop puts out a steady whoosh of fan noise, even occasionally during routine tasks such as typing this review. It’s both soft and fairly constant enough, however, to fade into the background as white noise.

HP’s display is passable, a common quality level among lower-priced laptops. Its backlight has a top brightness of about 250 nits, the bare minimum for what we consider to be sufficient for indoor work. My downstairs office gets minimal outside light, and I found the display to be just slightly on the dim side. Color fidelity seemed adequate, however, with sufficient viewing angles from either side. Just don’t expect to use it outdoors.

At this price point, a laptop’s aesthetics should be a bonus, not part and parcel of the experience. No one can help but notice, though, the wide lower display bezel of about an inch and a half. Though the side (quarter-inch) and the top (three-eights of an inch) bezels are slimmer, the overall effect is that the display feels a bit cramped.

Fortunately, the available ports adorning the HP Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 make it easy to expand beyond the built-in display. HP includes both an HDMI 2.0 as well as SuperSpeed 10Gbps (formerly known as USB-C 3.2 Gen 2).

Unfortunately, though the HDMI 2.0 cable supports a single 4K monitor at up to 60Hz, the Core i5-1035G1 couldn’t manage to push my external 4K display beyond 30Hz. For those with sensitive eyes, the slow refresh rate can look jarring. Anything with motion—video, for example—can look jerky and, over time, can fatigue your eyes. Even typing on an otherwise static screen can be wearing. This problem, however, completely goes away if you have an external 1080p monitor, which the Pavilion x360 14 powers at a comfortable 60Hz.

HP supplies a 45W power supply inside of the box, which uses a round “barrel” connector to charge the laptop. Alternatively, you can use a third-party charger to charge the laptop via the USB-C port.

Typing, audio and camera

I tend to prefer keyboards with more pronounced key travel, so the shallow keyboard on the HP Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 wasn’t especially comfortable over prolonged use. I almost always write a laptop review on the keyboard of the device that I’m reviewing, and I’ll be happy to go back to something which allows my fingers more flexibility.

My only other complaint is that the individual keys aren’t especially large. Otherwise, the Pavilion’s keyboard provides a comfortable typing experience. Its only other quirk is the column of Home, Pg Up, and related keys that runs along the right side of the keyboard, rather than the lower right-hand corner (as is more common).

Laptop audio is rarely good, and the Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 failed to convince us otherwise. Its speakers are thin, tinny, and generally unpleasant for listening to music or other audio, possibly because of the lack of low-end boost. Mid- to high-pitched music, like Molly Sandén’s “Husavik (My Hometown),” for example, sounded pretty good.

Normally, audio enhancement technologies help somewhat. Bang & Olufsen tuned the speakers and provided an audio utility conveniently designed with an equalizer and noise cancellation for the available microphone. But even headphones can’t really help; your best bet is to boost the bass as much as possible.

The same utility manages the microphone’s noise cancellation, which I found to be somewhat hit-and-miss. The B&O utility can be configured to filter out everything but your voice. It did a superb job at filtering out the back-and-forth of baseball announcers calling the game while I recorded my voice. One consequence, though, is that my voice’s volume levels fluctuated unexpectedly, which would be noticeable on a Zoom call. Using a headset should bypass all these limitations.

The HP Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 uses a 720p camera (as most laptops do), and I was pleased with its color fidelity. Unfortunately, there’s no Windows Hello capability at all—no depth camera, and no fingerprint reader either.

You may notice that this laptop includes an SSD plus Intel’s Optane Memory technology, which Intel designed as a sort of cache to improve app loading times. In general, the quick access to data that any SSD offers, relative to an old laptop with a spinning hard drive, will be noticeable. Don’t buy this laptop for the additional Optane capabilities, however, as it doesn’t make a meaningful difference.

A mix of bloatware and useful utilities

HP’s consumer laptops tend to ship with a hefty serving of bloatware, extra apps that HP preloads in hopes you’ll try them. HP JumpStarts, an app that lives on the Taskbar, serves as a gateway to the HP Support Assistant plus other offers: a one-month trial of Microsoft 365 for new customers, free games from WildTangent, and more. Amazon and Dropbox have shortcuts in the Taskbar. Separate apps in the Start menu offer 25GB of Dropbox storage free for a year, and there are shortcuts to ExpressVPN, Spotify, Netflix, and more. The Pavilion also ships with a three-month subscription to McAfee Personal Security.

HP offers a wealth of its own utility software, most of which serves a useful purpose—but there’s just so darn many of them! The HP Support Assistant, for example, includes useful driver updates for various components within the system, but it’s separate from Windows Update, and that’s distinct from the app-specific Microsoft Store. Dig though and you’ll be rewarded, as there’s a terrific amount of information and diagnostics available.

We didn’t test one aspect of the HP Pavilion x360 Convertible 14: its cellular capabilities. I normally plug in a SIM and drive around my Bay Area town, testing throughput and coverage. Unfortunately, wildfire smoke levels were at unhealthy to toxic levels during my testing period, making drive tests inadvisable. I live at the periphery of a cell-phone tower’s range, which also wouldn’t be a fair test of the Pavilion x360’s abilities.

Performance is merely average

Our performance assessments takes into account repeatable benchmarks as well as direct experience. As part of the review process, I used the HP Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 for about a week, running it with dozens of Edge tabs open, alongside apps like Zoom and Microsoft Teams. With fifty or so tabs open, including streaming video from a MLB playoff game, I noticed a bit of input lag in how the Pavilion responded. Under the same conditions, but with an additional Zoom call running, I noticed that the laptop’s display fuzzed slightly, and briefly, as if the GPU couldn’t quite handle the load. That’s my everyday, work-at-home environment, though, and overall the Pavilion handled it very well. Streamed videos from YouTube and Netflix worked fine on the Pavilion’s own display.

Attaching an external 4K monitor created a few hiccups, and not just with YouTube streaming (where downsampling and upsampling resolutions sometimes resulted in choppy video). The Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 actually crashed twice when I was playing back YouTube videos in Edge, switching playback resolutions, and dragging videos back and forth to an external monitor. The bug wasn’t completely repeatable, but I also experienced it while highlighting fields in Excel, after I had updated the graphics driver. HP didn’t have any advice for us by press time, but to be fair, secondary displays can introduce complexities.

What follows are results from our suite of synthetic and real-world benchmarks. We compared the HP Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 to its competition within the budget and mid-range laptop PC category. Its results are highlighted in red, below.

PCMark 8 Work/Creative: Everyday tasks

UL’s PCMark 8 Work test measures how well the laptop handles office tasks, from spreadsheets, word processing, and VoIP calls. Most laptops perform competently here, and any score over 2,000 is a good thing.

The PCMark 8 Creative benchmark assesses the laptop’s ability to perform more intensive tasks like video editing and photo manipulation, leaning more heavily on the integrated GPU for some light gaming. You shouldn’t expect to do much of the latter with the Pavilion x360 Convertible 14, though we’ll look at this more closely with the 3DMark test a bit later.

Cinebench: CPU performance

We use Maxon’s Cinebench test to look at the raw output of the CPU. The R15 test is older, meaning we have a broader base of laptops for comparison. It’s also a fast test, providing a snapshot of how the PC manages a “sprint” of processing demand. We use the multi-thread benchmark to evaluate how well the laptop does with all cores enabled. The single-threaded test, while applicable to most mainstream tasks, tends to yield pretty much the same result regardless of CPU.

The Core i5-1035G1 inside is a quad-core processor, with eight processing threads. While its score is acceptable, it’s the slowest of all the compared laptops with the same CPU.

HandBrake: Sustained CPU workload

Where Cinebench is a sprint, HandBrake is a prolonged CPU test, where we transcode a movie into a format appropriate for an Android tablet. It’s useful as a measure of how well the laptop is thermally managed: An overheated laptop will have to clock down to avoid exceeding its thermal limits. Conversely, a well-cooled laptop will be able to run in an elevated turbo mode for longer, completing the job faster. It’s here that a well-designed laptop with a slower CPU can compete with a faster processor in a poorly-designed notebook PC. The Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 again posted a lower score against the competition.

3DMark Sky Diver: Graphics performance

The 3DMark Sky Diver test is where we can examine the laptop for its gaming abilities. Let’s be clear: The “G1” designation is Intel’s signal that its graphics capabilities represent the least of Intel’s Ice Lake offerings, so we’re not expecting too much here. This is clearly not a gaming PC, and its mediocre score attests to that.

Battery life (video rundown test)

We end with battery life, an ordinarily critical aspect of a laptop that doesn’t mean quite as much with a global pandemic keeping us close to home. Nevertheless, it’s good to know whether you’d have the battery life to work outside, stop at a sidewalk cafe, or just crash on the couch for a change of scenery.

The Pavilion x360 Convertible 14’s 43Wh battery is on the small side for a laptop of its size, and that hurts it here. The laptop’s lackluster seven-plus hours of life might have been par for the course 18 months ago, but many laptops we see nowadays easily exceed 10 or more hours.

Conclusion: Good but not great

The HP Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 should suffice for working or learning from home. In our real-world use, it never felt especially poky. However, the numbers don’t lie: You can do better. From a performance standpoint, this is really the moment for AMD-powered laptops, such as the $655 Acer Swift 3. Acer’s recent $650 Spin 3 also compares favorably. If performance isn’t your priority, you might still have regrets about the battery life or the dim display.

There are always going to be trade-offs in low-priced laptops. The HP Pavilion x360 Convertible 14 just toes that line between acceptable and unacceptable compromise.

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anguianobrodan90 · 4 years

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