#but my heart goes out to them because this its garbage how every queer show gets the rug pulled out from under it

[tippenfunkaport]

When you see queer show after queer show get cancelled, I'm just forever grateful Crew-Ra at least got to finish SPOP and end the story their own way.

#like off the top of my head toh warrior nun first kill and now ofmd #all got shortened or cancelled #and I am sure there are more I'm just forgetting #anyway I'm not tagging the other shows because they have suffered enough #but my heart goes out to them because this its garbage how every queer show gets the rug pulled out from under it #spop #shera #she ra #netflix #dreamworks #she ra and the princesses of power #catradora #a league of their own! I knew I was forgetting something!

[theveryworstthing]

So over on patreon Trevor asked for my take on the Addams Family and I grew up LOVING the Addams family movies so here we are. Instead of doing a straight up style interpretation, I decided to do a full on design challenge, using the characters as bases to make a black southern gothic Addams au. I actually drew the kids first, using the character bases of Wednesday and Pugsley to create some delightful kiddos I'm calling Sunday and Blanche. I of course then redesigned Gomez and Morticia into Carlisle and Mortesha.

The Addams have a very specific high aristocratic goth aesthetic (they've got a butler and nobody really works among other things) so in this re-imagining I wanted to go with vibes that run a little more middle class/upper middle class.  I thought it would be interesting to think about what would be considered weird and off-putting in an entirely different culture, and how being a big ol' goth is way less controversial than it used to be.

I tried to keep this short (HAHAHAHAHAHA) so I didn't spin off into an essay about villain coded families, black people in the horror genre, and normalcy as it pertains to social survival, but just...bits of that are in these designs and lore. Keep that in mind.

Also I made the kids twins because they've flip flopped in age so much in different media and also twins run in my family (i'm the daughter of one). And let's face it, I'm pulling a lot of their southern gothic traits from living as a southern goth so *shrug*.

10 thousand pounds of lore incoming loooooooooool.

The Parents

From the moment he saw her he knew that there was a 50/50 chance of him either never making it out of that swamp alive or marrying the figure that was creeping out from under the distant willow tree in a black cocktail dress. The third time she found him trussed up in one of her traps, he complimented her rope work and asked if she'd like to go out sometime after his head wound stopped bleeding.

Or while it was still bleeding.

If she was into that.

Some kids and a mysteriously burnt down Piggly Wiggly later, their love is still as strong and inescapable as a bear trap in a sink hole.

Carlisle Guillermo (now Addams through marriage but I wanted to give him two first names for a name since Gomez has two last names) makes a vaguely described living practicing ‘law’ around town. A loophole king, people come to him from miles around with contracts signed in blood, fights over chunks of hair buried in their rivals’ yard, dehydrated primate hands, memories that seemed like dreams until the evidence of their happenings became too real, and other regular Legal Items asking for counsel which he is all too happy to give. For a price. Sometimes that price is a homemade pie and sometimes it’s a million dollars, depends on who you are. Whatever you’re asked to pay it’s worth that price, and if you try to scam him out of work or he just plain doesn’t like you? Well. He knows how to twist a contract better than anything at the crossroads.

And he always gets his due.

He doesn’t just serve the local (living)humans though, there are many things that need proper legal representation in this day and age. You wouldn’t believe how many city councils try to build on sacred burial grounds even after he lets them know that his ghostly clients are totally gonna haunt the FUCK out of the ensuing shitty condos and curse their families for all eternity. At least 50% of his energy goes towards dealing with real estate bullshit.

Carl is an excitable and good natured(?) man who loves his family, cigars, dancing, and his many knife-based hobbies. People find him very charming once they get past the feeling that they’re talking to a sultry gator badly disguising itself as a human. I didn’t put a ton of deep thought into designing him, mostly I wanted to make a middle aged dude who looked like he would have been voted ‘most likely to smooch the literal devil’ in high school. Tbh he probably has, but no demonic ex’s can compare to his lovely wife~

Mortesha Addams(her name was already perfect so I just tweaked it)is a woman of many talents. A self proclaimed homemaker, she prides herself on a greenhouse full of Concerning Foliage, a beautiful wasp apiary, and a coop full of what are probably chickens that she keeps for what are probably eggs. She’s also an avid creator of the outsider art that can be seen around the estate. She has taken on the family business of selling her homemade goods in a little stall by the road just outside the swamp with her mom, and makes pretty good money doing so. A surprising amount of poison gets bought in quaint southern towns.

Speaking of poison, people who come out to the edge of the swamp to buy it are usually carrying a lot of secrets around, and Mortesha knows most of them. It’s not like she pries the truth out of people, it just so happens that many nervous hellos eventually turn into the tragic backstory power hour if she’s alone with a client for long enough. She supposes that’s just how people are. Despite the fact that the Addams are very active in the community (whether the community likes it or not) she especially, as a direct descendant of the first Addams matriarch, is seen as…Well not an outsider because the community feels A Certain Way about outsiders and despite it all the Addams are their people, but maybe something like an exception. They feel like whatever weirdness they’re hiding can’t be weirder than any given Addams, so they get a little loose with their words.

This is amusing to her, since Addams’ don’t naturally keep the kind dramatic secrets that their surface level prim and proper neighbors do. It’s much more fun to openly talk about those things.

Do they have a sadly decrepit yet terrifying grandma up in the attic? Yeah, like three. They got a tv, all the creepy porcelain dolls they could want, and they’re close to family. Where do you keep your gram-grams?

Any bodies buried on the property? Yeah some, but most are thrown to the gators.

Any creeping through the balmy summer night with ill intentions? Yeah dude, everyone loves a nice family stroll.

What about dangerous forbidden love? If an adult Addams isn’t incorporeal then they’re either queer or in a torrid romance with some person/thing mysteriously drawn to that awful swamp. Sometimes both at the same time. Most times actually.

Mortesha would know.

The current head of the Addams family is just as outgoing as her husband but a lot quieter and harder to read. She never really seems to get mad about much and always has a genteel smile for everyone whether they deserve it or not. A seven foot tall human shaped “Oh, bless your heart”. A perfectly composed Lady even when she’s, oh I dunno, burning down a Piggly Wiggly. You know. A regular southern mom. Chat her up at the hair salon for 50% off a jar of wasp honey with your next purchase of a mysterious but foreboding packet of herbs.

Designing her was pretty easy because I just drew a lankier Grace Jones and called it a day. I had some problems with her outfit simply because if we were going HARD southern gothic then she’d probably be wearing a white/cream dress with a fuller skirt but I thought keeping the silhouette and the black was more important. She’s supposed to be an anti southern gothic southern gothic character anyway. A woman who looks like she has a million secrets who is actually the most open person you could meet. For better or worse. The red hair came from a coloring error that I really ended up liking (my mom had red hair her whole childhood that only darkened up in high school so I can buy that an Addams can be naturally fire engine red) and the veil was to get more of that classic Morticia silhouette in there.

The Children

Sunday and Blanche are the twin children of Carlisle and Mortesha Addams. Some say the Addams clan got their cursed homestead when a wealthy local businessman made a deal with the devil and lost, leaving his grand mansion to his least favorite maid and cutting his losses once he realized that the swamp would do everything it could to drag the house into the water and take what was owed with its horrible curse. Others say that the family has just always squatted there and no one really cares because man, fuck that particular swamp. Have you been in there? Absolute horror show.

Anyway.

Blanche is the more outgoing sibling and quite the engineer/mad scientist in the making. He started going grey at 2 weeks old but considering he was also rocking some extra fingers, toes, and a tiny tail (he takes after his dad), his parents just put it on the 'not life threatening' pile and decided not to worry about it. He's the kind of smart that teachers find utterly infuriating, less a dog eagerly learning and obeying commands and more a hyena who keeps teaching itself how to pick locks. He has a few friends in his school's robotics club (which they honestly allowed him to make so the school could contain his... creations) but mostly hangs out with his sister exploring the swamp. They find all sorts of neat things in there! wedding rings, suspiciously lumpy garbage bags, cloaked cultists who can't read private property signs, it's an adventure every day!

Blanche is all about experimentation with his creations, his look, and his tether to this mortal coil. Is lipstick a cool thing to try? Let's find out. Can he get out of a strait jacket fast enough after being pushed into the depths of the swamp by his sister? let's find out. He's not dead yet and confused local doctors can attest to the fact that he's rarely attained more than a bad bruise so he's pretty set on continuing to kiss rattlesnakes on their cute little heads and have his sister practice her knife throwing at him until that fact changes.

Blanche is very much a country goth. Cowboy boots (customized by his mom), knife, and lighter are daily accessories. He likes to wear the crusty swamp jewelry they find (the rust adds a splash of color!) and despite appearances he does try to keep himself neat. He's just got  natural Grunge Colors and a tendency to wear clothes he likes until they fall apart. Pugsley always seemed the most modernly styled to me (which might just be because little boys clothes have been the same for a long time) so I wanted Blanche to be the most purposely fashionable Addams. Everyone else is goth by nature, but he's the only one truly familiar with goth as an alternative fashion.

I got really into designing Blanche because honestly, I find Pugsley to be the most boring member of the family. And he was hard to design! I had to mess with his vibe a lot to get him looking how I wanted. I know he's supposed to evoke an " 'evil' little boy next door who's parents never reign him in", but that's just goth Dennis The Menace.  I's 2020. We can at least go queer goth Calvin.

Sunday was much easier to design. Wednesday was my favorite as a child (of course) and I really wanted to keep the spirit of her look while adding things like billowy sleeves (it gets HOT down here), big poofy twists instead of braids, and a nice tie. She's a professional after all, been running the local pet cemetery since she was 6 and the previous groundskeeper met with an unfortunate accident after telling her that tarantulas don't have souls. Her specialty is creating beautiful naturalistic animal funerals similar to those that Maquenda (https://linktr.ee/artofmaquenda) makes, and she takes pride in creating miniature dioramas of her subjects after each burial which she uses as a kind of 3D catalog for future clients.

She really wants to try out her skills on humans one day. Well. Publicly try out her skills. Lotta random bodies float into the swamp. None of them have turned down her requests for diorama models so far. Most seem downright flattered. Plus, she usually figures out which graveyard/crime scene they floated over from and gets her parents to give them a lift back. She'll even help enact terrifying revenge from beyond the grave on whoever put them there if she's not, y'know, busy.

Besides arts, crafts, and pet based funerary arrangements, Sunday is an avid lover of archery (any ranged weapon really), books where little fantasy adventure animals die dramatic deaths, and history. She is That Kid who eagerly raises her hand when asked who Christopher Columbus was and ends up being sent out of class after 15 minutes for making 'a scene'. Her favorite party trick is just picking an item in the room and talking about how it relates to either some obscure historical figure with a buck wild life or a horrible disaster. At least one charity pancake breakfast ended with children in tears after her vivid description of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919.

Social-wise, while Wednesday is the girl that people ask to smile because they think she'd, "look so pretty", Sunday is rarely asked anything at all. People just kind of assume from her quiet nature (in between horrible history facts) that she's angry all the time and that she hates everyone. This is untrue. She hates some people but she's ambivalent to most everyone else and even downright friendly if you bother to talk to her like a person instead of a terrifying cryptid. Like, she IS a terrifying cryptid but she's also a little girl.  

That’s about it for now. One day I might do the other family members but for now I’m happy with the four I’ve redesigned. Making an au! Lurch in a family that doesn’t do butlers could be interesting. Over on patreon I put forth that he could just be Motesha’s mute little brother (similar bone structure) but Amy Crook had the nice idea of quote: “ a mysterious "cousin" that "helps around the house" whose origins are both long in the past and faintly unsettling. He's good for lifting heavy things, like that tank of propane you're about to throw into the burning Piggly Wiggly... “ which i now consider canon. Who's kid is he? How old is he? Not important. Anyone willing to commit arson with you is family.

Annnnyway.  This challenge was a lot of fun! I love indulging in AU’s.

#long post #the addams family #Character Design #au #design challenge #i am incapable of doing a design challenge like a normal person #oh god i forgot the cut lol

[machi-kun]

Ok so I’ve never watched supernatural but have always see it on my dashboard and kind of know what’s happening but not entirely but like I need to know bc now I’m invested.. what happened?? I’m getting bits and pieces from everyone but not wvough to piece it together 😫😫

Oh, friend. I don’t even know where to begin trying to explain this to you. 

First of all, people are making actual powerpoints for this so there you go, go read it from someone who actually watched everything until the end and is far funnier than I could ever be, but I’ll give you my version.

I assume you know at least the basic info about the show: Two brothers, the Winchesters, go around chasing monsters and shit, and then demons, and then angels, and then some things called leviathans, then I stopped watching but I’ve heard they get to kill Hitler too at some point so your guess is as good as mine as to what’s happening there plot-wise.

Queer relationship-wise, that’s what’s making Tumblr break. Dean Winchester, possibly the most bisexual-coded character to ever grace my eyes, and this angel guy, Castiel, have this “super-gay-but-not-really-its-queerbait-but-its-talked-about-frequently-in-the-show-by-the-characters” relationship that kept people wondering for years if it was going to go canon or not. After 15 years, many of us completely gave up, not only because we got tired, but also because CW shows are pretty much always garbage and we can’t trust them to know how to actually write queer people.

AND THEN SUPERNATURAL GOT TO ITS FINAL EPISODES. 

To all who were clinging to the idea it was going to go canon, on episode 18 of the 15th season, Castiel is at the risk of dying (they’re always dying, that's normal, I don’t really worry about it), but THEN, he makes this huge speech about how Dean changed him and how Dean is amazing and he actually says the words I Love You. Now, is that enough to make it canon? Depends on who you ask. Dean doesn’t react to the confession much. He doesn’t say I Love You back. He just kinda stands there. Also CW has a long history of making those kinds of scenes and then going HA, JK, NO HOMO THO, I LOVE YOU LIKE FAMILY, so I totally get why some people won’t accept it, but I also understand people who do think this makes it canon because if you had seen Supernatural, you would understand what I mean when I say that Dean and Cas’s romantic and sexual tension was UNBEARABLE. And this is not me being a Destiel shipper, I haven’t been into spn in YEARS, but when I say that shit’s gay, that shit’s gay. And Castiel’s character has a huge weight on the fact that he is not human, he’s an angel, and angels are not only meant to be stoic and removed from humanity, but Castiel goes far far far beyond everything he should do to help Dean specifically. 

Like. The line “I rebelled, and I did it for you” is canon text. Castiel says that at one point. AND I WATCHED THAT SCENE, WHICH MEANS IT’S BEFORE SEASON 8 EVEN, BECAUSE THAT’S WHEN I STOPPED. SPN ENDED WITH 15 SEASONS. My heart goes out to all the people who suffered for Destiel all the way to the end, you all have far more patience than I will ever have.

Right after his big confession, Castiel dies. So Supernatural, for a lot of people, went from GAY REPRESENTATION! to EXPRESS HOMOPHOBIA! in 0.2 seconds. I can’t explain why that is so hysterical, it just is - to wait over 15 YEARS for a ship to become canon only to have it “become canon” and then IMMEDIATELY one of them dies? That's comedic timing of the best kind. Tumblr freaked out. That was the first wave of terror you saw, probably. Then, people prayed super heard that Castiel would somehow come back from the dead in the final 2 episodes and then HE DIDN’T, and in the final episode, Dean, who apparently killed Hitler at one point, idk just go with it, and has killed all sorts of monsters ever since episode 1, season 1, trips onto a nail and dies????????????? I DON’T KNOW EITHER, I HAVEN’T SEEN IT, BUT IT SOUNDS HILARIOUS. That’s the second wave of terror, the ending absolutely sucked, and no one was surprised it sucked, but everyone was shocked it sucked this bad. 

We thought it was over. We really did. We celebrated. 15 years of this shit, godspeed, Supernatural. 

AND THEN. PEOPLE FOUND OUT  THAT IN THE SPANISH DUB, DEAN SAYS I LOVE YOU BACK. SO THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, DESTIEL WAS CANON AGAIN, BUT NOW IN SPANISH ONLY SDKJGHSJKDGHKJDGH SO THE MEMES STARTED SHOWING UP IN SPANISH. AND I READ SOMEWHERE THAT THERE’S OTHER DUB FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE DEAN NOT ONLY ADMITS HE LOVES CAS’ BACK, BUT SAYS SOMETHING EVEN GAYER? I DON’T KNOW. IT’S A MYSTERY AT THIS POINT. 

I wish I could give you a more detailed account of the absurd amount of brain cells I lost thanks to this show, but it’s frankly so hard to explain. Every day there are at least 3 new updates on Destiel and every one of them feels like a slap in the face because they just keep getting more and more ridiculous. This is the culmination of a decade of false hope and crappy content, all wrapped around the teenage euphoria a lot of us didn’t even know we still had left in us from where we genuinely liked Supernatural all those years ago, and it all came surfacing and just exploded all at once. On the same day as the American elections. And it just kept going downhill from there. 

All I know is that at this point, everyone who used to watch Supernatural, in one way or another, is freaking out. Maybe for different reasons, but we’re all freaking out. 

#spn #anon this drama is so long and so convoluted #skjdfhksjdghksjdhg #honestly if you wanna ask me anything about this do it i think its hilarious #Anonymous #ask #anon #machi replies

[pass-the-bechdel]

Brooklyn Nine-Nine season five full review

How many episodes pass the Bechdel test?

68.18% (fifteen of twenty-two).

What is the average percentage per episode of female characters with names and lines?

30.03%

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 40% female?

Two (episode seventeen ‘DFW’ (42.85%), and episode twenty-one ‘White Whale’ (42.85%)).

How many episodes have a cast that is less than 20% female?

One (episode nine ‘99′ (15.38%)).

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Thirty-two. Four who appeared in more than one episode, three who appeared in at least half the episodes, and ZERO who appeared in every episode.

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Sixty-four. Thirteen who appeared in more than one episode, six who appeared in at least half the episodes, and three who appeared in every episode.

Positive Content Status:

Fairly standard expectations for this show, that is: above-average compared to most tv. That said, their biggest progressive move of the season came off more prescribed than genuine to me, and sometimes I felt like they were including little remarks and things just to half-ass being ‘on brand’ rather than because they actually believe in it. This season often lacked the heart to make its social commentary really land (average rating of 3.04).

General Season Quality:

They had a whole bunch of good episodes around the middle of the season, but they started and ended weak, and a lot of the story and characterisation is starting to meander and go stale. They lifted their game in season four, but this feels like a return to the dissatisfaction that was rife in season three. 

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) under the cut:

Well, this is the worst they’ve done on the male:female ratio, decisively. It’s not the worst they’ve done on the Bechdel, but it is worse than what it has been in recent seasons. And while the positive content score is above average, outside of the single episode which raised that score they really did a lot less to impress than what I would consider this show’s standard (and even that one episode, I maintain, could have been much better). Setting aside the critical aspect of what I do here to speak on a pure entertainment level, this season seriously lacked one of the best qualities of the show in previous seasons, which was the basic guarantee of a good time; some episodes will always be better than others, but if nothing else, you used to be able to rely on that good time. There were no episodes this season that were just utter garbage, no, but if I were a casual viewer, then the majority of this season would probably fail to hold my attention or convince me to tune in next week, and that’s not what you want. As ever, when the show is good it is really, really good, but when it is bad it is DEEPLY mediocre, feeling phoned-in or, sometimes, like it was written by someone who does not understand the appeal of this show in the first place. To touch on some various aspects of all of the above, lets talk about character arcs.

Now, I am not one of those people who believes that every character has to have a definable ‘arc’. They really don’t. What they DO need is to feel like they’re part of the story for a reason, and giving them their own task or journey which traditionally lays out in an arc format tends to be the go-to method for achieving that. It is easily possible to have a character without a personal arc still fit into the story and feel necessary and wanted: my case in point for this season of B99 is Terry. Terry was seriously underused, and that’s a shame because he’s great, and yes, giving him some kind of arc to bring him to the fore a few times across the season would almost definitely have been a good move...but. The fact that he had no arc to speak of did not render his character obsolete, and he worked and played really well as a character whose stability can be an anchoring quality for the show sometimes: Terry is still a reliable good time, even if the writing is sliding in other places. Vitally, there is a confidence about the way that Terry is presented which allows his character to function fully regardless of the attention level; I would have LIKED more Terry, but his character is firmly established as a constant such that he can occupy a regular space without seeming superfluous. On the flip side of that, we have...Gina.

I’ve never ‘got’ Gina in that fan-favourite way that has worked for so many people, and her selfishness and her constant put-downs have often made her the antithesis of the feel-good mentality that - to me - has defined what makes this show worthwhile when it is at its best. But, setting aside my personal opinion of Gina as a character, this season failed utterly to achieve the very thing they used as the driving purpose of her return to the show at mid-season: to prove that she is ‘needed’. Real-life maternity leave is necessary and I would never advocate for axing a character just because the actor needs the time off, so I’m not suggesting they should have just ditched her and moved on despite Chelsea Peretti’s evident desire to return to the show, but what they NEEDED to do was to...give Gina literally anything meaningful to do once she returned, in order to re-establish her as someone with a reason to be around. They didn’t. Even the one subplot where Gina admits to Terry that she’s having a hard time balancing being a working mother lacked the impact to drive home a real-life struggle, and that’s pretty dire; Gina never felt right, when she was around at all, and it made the decision to bring her back on board after the show had got on just fine without her for half a season feel like one long false note. How hard would it have been to turn that weakly-delivered subplot into a proper mini-arc as Gina settled back in to work? How hard would it have been to make it clear that becoming a mother has changed Gina in a fashion which plays out in the long-term instead of just being a few remarks she made in a single episode? These are trick questions, of course. It’s not hard. It requires a bare minimum of effort which usually doesn’t even register AS effort, it’s just the writer asking themselves the question ‘What is going on with this character right now?’ and then answering it in their script. That’s just how basic character consistency works, really. And yet, they fumbled it.

In other dissatisfying news, we have the ‘Sad Excuse For An Arc’, featuring Charles Boyle. I really wish that I never had to talk about Charles again because I really hate him, for reasons elucidated constantly across my posts for this entire series which ultimately boil (heh) down to him being an emotionally manipulative nightmare of a person with possessive overtones who regularly disrespects and disrupts the lives around him without ever taking proper responsibility for his actions or recognising and working on his desperate need for self-improvement, and who somehow continues to be packaged by the narrative as just ‘ha-ha well-meaning but awkward’ while other characters pander to his manipulations and weather the many and sundry inconveniences he introduces to their lives without complaint. I still haven’t forgotten that he was an A-grade creep to Rosa in the first season and the show just kinda glossed over it and never mentioned it again, because damn, maybe if they had owned their mistake and had Charles actively tackle his flaws back then, they might have inadvertently written the character with literally any kind of development over the course of five freakin’ seasons. Because as-is, he has not changed at all since the show started (even adopting a child hasn’t changed him, it just gives him something to reference every now and then - what is it with this show and failing to incorporate major home-life changes (LITERAL! CHILDREN!!) into the character’s daily lives?), and this is how we end up with an ‘arc’ like that crap with Charles and the food truck. It goes like this: Charles buys food truck. Charles is a megalomaniac asshole chef in the food truck (significant food wastage ensues). Charles’ food truck gets destroyed. Three episodes across the season, one two three, and only the last one is the A plot of the episode instead of a minor subplot. And this? This is Charles’ personal story for the entire season. Unfortunately, he’s around constantly in the rest of the season as well and it feels like there were nowhere near enough episodes which offered a reprieve from his noxious personality, so he doesn’t suffer from Gina syndrome in the sense of seeming pointless, but that kinda...proves my point about arcs. The one Charles has here is a joke, and not the funny kind. He was used excessively throughout the rest of the season without the assistance of an ‘arc’ to legitimise his presence, he didn’t NEED one to function in the season, but the Sad Excuse For An Arc that he DID have only highlighted the wider problem of the character over the whole series thus far, which is that he has NEVER had an arc which brought about meaningful development or change.

And then there was Rosa. There was actually a sneakier amount of character fodder for Rosa this season than what may seem immediately obvious: the dominant development was her bisexuality, but there were also other pieces to pick up with her reconnecting with her family after her stint in prison, and also some welcome focus on her career in the latter end of the season (notably ‘Show Me Going’ and ‘White Whale’), which did a solid job of re-anchoring the character professionally after a season disproportionately interested in her romantic life. I feel very cynical, complaining about the bisexuality storyline, and I’d like to reiterate that I am genuinely glad to have this openly-declared positive representation for a frequently ill-treated branch of the big queer tree. I stand in unequivocal solidarity with my bisexual brethren. THAT SAID. I also sincerely dislike the way this show went about including bisexuality as a part of Rosa’s character, and it’s because of the ‘arc’ element: specifically, that the ‘arc’ is literally just about her being attracted to women. Rosa’s ‘coming out’ is not the arc - there is just the one Very Special episode about that specifically - and I’m ok with that because it’s rare to have a character whose queer sexuality is revealed comparatively late in a story without it being a revelation for the character themselves and not just the people around them. My problem is that - once the bisexual cat is out of the bag - the way the show packages the arc is just to double down, triple down on reminding the audience that Rosa is into women, is dating women, is being set up with women, is being wowed by hot women she sees...and there is no further mention of her interest in men. After four seasons of her only ever being depicted in relationships with men or having active interest in men, the narrative packages her coming out as bisexual in the same way as shows typically package a character realising that they’re gay: by giving them conspicuous subplots that revolve specifically around same-gender attraction. And that comes across to me as a brownie-points grab, as performative queer content designed to get attention, rather than the kind of inclusive representation I have celebrated this show for in the past re: Holt. It feels like the writers aren’t comfortable with the reality of Rosa’s bisexuality, that they’re subscribing to the idea that if she’s shown to be still interested in men that she’ll become magically not-queer and they’ll lose their brownie points, and so they’re throwing women at her in the kinds of meaningless subplots that they never assigned to the character before she came out. As a rule, if you treat a character differently for being queer than you would if they were straight, that’s bad representation. The way that Rosa’s life is presented to us should not spontaneously change just because we know she also likes women, especially because this is the status quo for her; the ‘arc’ here is about the expectation of an audience reaction, and not actually about the character at all. 

The good news? Jake, Amy, and Holt all have successful, meaningful arcs this season, with Jake and Amy’s journey from engagement to marriage, and Holt’s gambit for his dream job as commissioner. While both arcs came to lacklustre closes in the predictable season finale, through the course of the season they supplied various A and B plots, never slipping entirely from the audience’s memory or causing glitches in the sense of character or narrative continuity, but also never dominating the show in a manner that became distracting or tedious. Both plots were told as stories, with ups and downs and complications large or small, like proper arcs instead of perfunctory beginning-middle-end or ‘three times makes it a pattern’ ideas (which is more than I can say for the Seamus Murphy misfire which made a Sad Excuse For An Arc for the first half of the season at large - it may have ended on a high note, but it failed to generate any tension as a long-term plot or deliver on its initial promises from the ultimately-weak time-wasting two-part premiere). Honestly, as a whole this season felt like they were winging it on the bulk of the story, with the Peralta-Santiago wedding and the fate of Holt’s career the only things that were planned for the finale from the outset and everything else just fabricated as they went along, and the looseness of the entire rest of the season is the messy disappointing result of the ‘we’ll figure it out when we get there’ ethos. Last season had me so hopeful for the show getting back on track, getting back to its roots and remembering what made it work with quality story for the characters, a solid narrative backbone, and a social compass at the forefront. After the vague characterisation of this season, the shapeless meandering of so much filler plot, and commentary that was ham-fisted and anvilicious when it was there at all...It’s not like this was bad. It wasn’t bad. It was just so much less than what I expected or hoped to see.

#Brooklyn Nine-Nine #Brooklyn Nine-Nine season five #Bechdel Test #female representation #full season review #B99

[howlitecritical]

New character arcs and new back story because canon sucks again

Main 4 cast with notes on characters that need notes for changes to make sense  Garnet: yesyesyesyesyeysyes everything good about this show. There’s not enough garnet centric things where she’s just herself and not about ruby and sapphire. More information on Garnet. Shes stoicly funny and just murders people with words sometimes. show her being rose’s top tactician. turning the tides of the war that were never in the crystal gem’s favor. maybe theres a fun earth thing shes into. Her room is the heart of the temple for a reason now. Its a balance between pearl and amethyst. The bubbles are organized, but she has her own side space with things she does as hobbies. She has a collection of antique books that she likes to read lava side and she often meditates to see corrupted gems and a future in which the CGs encounter them. maybe she even draws them out to combine ruby’s need to Do with sapphire's need to Know. Fusion is still very important to her, but not she has plot relevant interests that make sense with her character. Her character arc involves her being the first of her kind. shes something completely new! just like steven is. and for that not to bind them together is silly. She wants the best for steven and he makes her want to be an even better leader now that rose is gone and shes the only one left. she makes him think about his actions and slows down his hyper activity when he or amethyst are trying to do something reckless. From him she learns that it’s okay to let her guard down more. Homeworld might come back, but it’s not all on her shoulders. the CGs are a family and they’ll protect everyone together. Garnet in jailbreak is the first time we know shes a fusion and before that we get more about her character not just from environment around her, but her reactions to things. Maybe she feels like she needs to be in control because shes afraid that without rose, homeworld is more a danger than ever.

Amethyst: I like most of her progression actually!!! a few things I’d mess with is when she’s unnecessary hurtful to people she loves, like greg, when she shape shifted into rose, and peridot when she all but threw her stuff into the ocean. these things need to be gotten rid of, or addressed by the narrative. I’d also like to see her hanging around Vidalia wayyyyy sooner or to have a reason why they dont. As for reasons, maybe Amethyst did or said something hurtful toward her, lashing out at her for whatever reason that made their friendship strained. while a decade is a long time for a human, for a gem its nothing. so while she feels bad, Am’ isnt going to apologize herself!!! she didnt do anything wrong!!! and maybe Vidalia is the first person steven convinces her to apologize to. Steven teaches her compassion and is, in return, the gem he can relate to the best. He goes to her first with gem issues and she acts like an older sibling, trying to teach him or cover up mistakes so pearl and garnet dont find out. I think i’d like a progression of Am’ refusing to apologize to Vidalia, realizing that she was wrong and apologizing to greg, but he breaks down and can’t move past that, rendering their friendship difficult and strained as a “sometimes apologizing isnt enough and you have to change your behavior“ and then the third beat with peridot either not happening at all, where she doesnt throw someone’s comfort items into the ocean which, i think steven shouldve realized and stopped her from doing anyway, BUT if you just NEED that mistake on her part, i feel like this could be a “sometimes, you dont know how bad you hurt someone and you should apologize when you find out“ with peridot being hurt and not talking to her and amethyst has to do a big gesture to show shes sorry. I also feel like that fleshes out amedot as a ship and while i dont care about who peridot ends up with, i care about story and the way im going to make this story go, lapis will be in that fun moral grey area and i want more options in terms of story telling and of fan choice. Also!!! explore the possibility of her being deep cut and thats why shes a runt. she only looks smaller but has all these strengths because of it!!! it fits in really well and bismuth or peridot maybe because she was made for kindergardening, could tell her about it and watch her get excited because shes not ”wrong“ she never came out “wrong“ shes just different and thats okay!

Pearl: Was white diamond’s pearl, first of all! that makes every interaction more interesting, because no only did she defect from homeworld, but she defected from the Queen of homeworld and everything it stood for basically. We learn more about how homeworld operates and what places in society each gem fits from pearl, because while she doesn’t believe it herself, she isn’t kept from talking about diamonds now and what one she served. in this funky fresh au, she is sent by white to make sure the new diamond they’re cultivating from earth comes out properly (aka where the fuck did russia go) and getting her equipped with all of the technology she would need to properly rule. this is where she first meets a quartz soldier. at first she’s taken aback by the quartz’s forwardness, no one had ever talked to her like... an equal before. shes not sure if shes allowed to speak, though, she knows theyre waiting for a response. Their first interactions always begin with her requesting permission to speak. They have to wait a few more years for pink to emerge and while they’re there they slowly become friends as the life is leeched out of the area. we could have a snapshots of them waiting for together, rose getting bored and convincing pearl to come do things with her, slowly breaking her out of her shell. Pearl’s difficulty and character arc comes from not just rose and getting over her feelings, which is perfectly fine, but doesnt need to be her only trait, but finding out who she is now, not just after rose, but with humanity as a whole. with the war well and truly over. she wants to learn about what rose thought was so important to fight for, to die for, and because of that, we get her partaking in human activities that arent eating or drinking, because she still dislikes them. While Garnet reads and collects books, i think pearl being really into her weapons collection is a good idea to flesh her out more. Where did she get her swords from? Well thats a mystery. She mentions someone she cared about a long time ago made them for her and thus we get some fun bismuth foreshadowing.

Rose:  And rose..... god... we could of had it all by adele plays in the background anytime i think about her. Here we have a very beautiful fat woman. Shes framed as elegant and regal by the show time and time again and i LOVED that. however after the pink diamond reveal, I have such mixed feelings about her. No more diamond bullshit. Shes the first gem that popped out. Technically she’s too early and she goes to stand guard around the birthplace of her diamond. That is where she and pearl first meet. Pearl is the first gem she ever talks to and while she innately knows stuff about home world, shes pick up a lot from the humans that live nearby. theyve shown her kindness and given her furs to wear and in turn she helped them heal their wounded by crying on them. (yes she still has healing powers sue me) she loves the humans and takes to befriending them before pearl shows up. The two of them get close and after pink diamond pops out, rose realizes what the creation of gems truly means for the world around her. They’re killing what was here before them. This isn’t creation. It’s an invasion. Being the only quartz out so far, shes forced into the role of commander for pink. Her favored soldier. And the more she does what she was “made for” the more she hates it and the more she hates the diamond authority. she convinces pink that some humans are worth keeping. As a curiosity, my diamond. they could prove useful to terraforming other planets or moons to accept life and in time, gem cultivation.  She gets poofed while trying to save someone from the group of people she first made friends with. Maybe pink shatters whoever poofed her for not following her orders because of course Rose wouldnt defy her. rose is Loyal, unlike the rest of you lack luster garbage. Rose comes back with her iconic dress and shes here and queer and shes fucking Done with this shit. she hears about the shattering on her behalf and she goes to pink and asks why and she feels sick to her stomach because star, my diamond, she isnt Worth it. she isnt worth the cost of someone else’s whole Life!!! Oh rose... you’ve always been soft hearted. in this time, Pearl is quietly there. waiting to be called back by white as pink pearl has just been sent to take her place. And this is it. This is the moment rose decides to rebel. according to homeworld, her life should be no more than any other quartz. her life shouldnt be traded for that of others. So why? Why did pink do this? Do the gems in her court mean nothing to her? This is the first time a gem has ever summoned two weapons. A Sword and Shield. A knight turning on her master. She tried to attack pink. to poof her. to send a message right here and now that gems are all equal. that a lowly rose quartz is strong enough to take on a diamond! She fails, but only partly. she manages to strike a blow, but pink stays in tact long enough to strike on of her own, sending rose retreating into her gem. This is when pearl has to make a choice. No matter what she’d be shattered. Pink’s wrath when she reforms, white’s when she finds out about what happened. This is a death sentence. But if its a death sentence, its one she’ll choose for herself. she takes rose’s shield and uses the face of it to shatter pink herself, scooping up rose’s gem and getting as far away as fast as she can. This is the start of a war.

Steven: Oh boi. So i love steven, but theres moments where hes just... not good and the story doesnt stop him from doing that. So if were gonna say hes a kid with emotion based powers, we know hes soft and sweet and excitable. sometimes he pushes people too far because hes trying to do what he thinks is best. I want him to wrestle with the fact that his mom, this person everyone says is good, killed someone. she did something so horrible and she never killed anyone again, but she still did it once. I’d like him to get bits and pieces of his mothers memories and so we get to see the world and flashback things that happened in real time. Maybe he tries to talk to pearl about it, but she still wont instead of cant. He feels like an outcast and everyone would rather his mom be there, but they have him instead. basically a lot of his earlier character arc stuff before garnet and pearl talk to him about how homeworld was. They dont think hes old enough to hear about war, but it seems war is coming back and hes unprepared to face it without learning more. he facilitates more interactions with the townies and now its not just a war of gems against gems, they have humans on their side too and they’ll win!  

#su criticism #su rewrite #su #su critique #su critical #steven universe #i hate the pink diamond reveal so im just Salty #cw long post

[pandoraylamcraziness]

(after reading littlecountrymouse personal view of these events I felt I had to take this off my chest but I didn’t want to hijack their post)

So I had an epiphany this night before watching this last episode. 

I was waiting for the ep, and meanwhile I was watching (mostly listening) some Malex fanvids. It always seemed weird to me how fast I shipped these two idiots. The intensity I wished for them to be happy. The weird connection I had with Alex, even though I loved Michael. 

I had this thing with Alex in wich I understood where he came from, but still sting how he continued to go away from Michael over and over again. How he tried to make their relationship a secret, hurting Michael in the process.

One day I realized it’s bc that happened to me. I loved someone but she was scared (of what exactly I don’t know, bc our social circle was very open and had already open queer people). She kept going away, looking away. Tried to simply not talk about what we had. And that still hurts to this day.

So I though that maybe that was why I sympathised with Michael: he was “me”. He was experiencing the same as me, but with one difference: I wished I had his personality. He fighted for what he wanted, he was afraid of being rejected, but still put himself on the open for the chance Alex would choose him for one last time. Until the next last time. Over and over for 10 years.

Michael was who I wished I was, while living the same experiences.

But that didn’t explain why I felt wary about Alex. I loved him, and again, I get where he comes from. I cheered when he smacked his garbage of a father with his cane, feeling a vindication way too intense. I was emotional when he stood for Michael, wanting to protect him. And I was incredibly proud when he started to open up to Michael about his feelings.

But I still felt like I was missing something. 

Michael I wanted to protect. Bc he was going through the same things as me. I wanted to throw a blanket at him and hug him and tell him everything was going to be ok. 

But Alex? Why I felt this visceral with him?

Until this night when I was listening fanvids and a phrase I had listened thousands of times suddenly resonated with me and I had the hardest epiphany wearing pajamas and laying down in my bed with my dogs:

“No. I’m tired of walking away. I’m tired of not saying what I wanna say”

Now, I had spent the last year saying to my friends and whoever listen to me the importance of representation in media. And not bc you had to “fill a quota” or bc people want to see themselves on tv (shocking!), but bc media shape the way we see the world. Shape the way we react in certain situations. Can shape the way we see friendship, romantic relationships, family. Everything. 

And since “Love Simon” came, I’ve been saying over and over how that movie would have changed my world if I my teen self could watch it. How it would have changed EVERYTHING. The notion that queer relationships are not inherently doomed to tragedy and drama. That yeah, the world is shit and there are homophobic people, but if you have a support network in your friends and family, your relationship does not have to be any different than a hetero one. That queer people CAN be happy. That a queer love story doesn’t have to end in tragedy like it’s part of its DNA. That movie would have rocked my world.

And then I go back to that haunting phrase (to me):  “No. I’m tired of walking away. I’m tired of not saying what I wanna say”

That. That was ME. 

I suddenly realized why I felt that way with Alex. Bc I recognized myself in him, of all things. He was hurting Michael yes, but he was being a coward with himself. No matter his motives (protecting Michael), he was labeling their relationship as doomed. He wasn’t willing to fight for it bc he didn’t see a way out, a way for them to be happy. For him every time he was with Michael was stolen time. Because no matter what, what they had was doomed from the start.

Until the moment he goes “fuck that” and say that no, he was tired of walking away. He was tired of never saying what he wanted to say.

And that was me. That was me always trying to fight for what we had and in the last minute walking away, never saying what I wanted to say. Never saying “I love you. And I think you love me”. Because what was the point? Our story was doomed for tragedy anyway the moment we fell in love.

And I layed there in my bed with tears in my eyes like a fucking idiot bc I had an epiphany about something it happened 10 years ago, thanks to a fictional character that to that moment I didn’t understand why he bothered me. 

And THAT is why representantion matters. Because no matter how some stories like “Love Simon” could have changed my perception of the world, that fucking line, that fucking character would have changed my LIFE. To see someone in that situation and saying “No. I’m tired of walking away. I’m tired of not saying what I wanna say”. Alex fucking Manes would have changed my life. And I have no idea where I would be right now if I could have found him 10 years ago.

So with all this emotional storm inside me I came to watch the ep. Rewatching the Malex moments in 1x12 bc I’m a masochist and I wanted to see them again with this new found perception of Alex. Needless to say I was a wreck before the last ep even started.

Then everything happened, I got sucked into the story and suddenly Alex was trying to tell Michael everything he had in his chest in the worst moment possible. Bad timing is the new star crossed. But I was SO happy, I was ecstatic, so hopeful and SO SO PROUD OF HIM. He did it!! He fucking did it, he opened to Michael and put everything in the open!! I was going to see finally these two happy! I was going to see what could have happened to me if only...

And then in a matter of minutes everything went to shit and a cover of With Me starts to play. And I couldn’t even apreciate the wink to the original show because suddenly all I can see is Alex Manes alone waiting for the love of his life who will never come bc he choose the less complicated choice over him the moment he opened his heart after 10 fucking years.

And that broke me. Because that’s not on Michael or Maria. That’s a writing choice. A writing choice for cheap emotional shock value. And they made it after saying out loud their love was “cosmic”, they were family and how they will probably love each other always.

Because they were together in secret for 10 years, but the moment they open their hearts and decide to not hide anymore, suddenly everything goes to shit.

And what I get is that being brave only gives you heartbreak. And that being a coward destroy your soul into tiny pieces but hiding is better than the alternative. 

Great message Carina and co. You just basically said that hiding your love is preferable than being in the open. That a bi guy that loved for 10 years a gay guy, 10 YEARS (!!) would jump into a safer relationship with a woman (who is the BF of his beloved) the moment the gay opens up to him. Great. Just fantastic.

#Roswell NM #Malex #I'm just crying angrily over here #or just sad idk #this is FANTASTIC #another betrayal after the clusterfuck of the magicians #I just can't #can't we have something good FOR ONCE? #meta #ish #malex meta

[ladyloveandjustice]

Reflection on Attack on Titan: How the narrative failed its characters

I did a breakdown of how Attack on Titan failed the potential of its premise due to its commitment to being edgy fascist garbage, but I also want to talk about how it failed a bunch of characters who were brimming with potential.

(This is gonna be messy and loooong, because I have a lot of feelings. Someone on the last post noted my “rhetoric blows” and I will freely admit I’m not really trying for coherent “rhetoric” here, I’m just venting my frustration so I can get it all out of me and move on).

Yes, it wasn’t solely the premise that drew me and so many others to Attack on Titan and its potential. There were a lot of unique and exciting elements with the way this shonen manga handled its characters.

I said before that Isayama never cared about his characters, but that was a bit of a exaggeration. I think he did start out caring about some of them...it’s just he quickly got bored with them and started treating them solely as tools to serve the “plot” and the screwed message he wanted to impart.

Isayama does have one strength as a character writer- he excels at  showing characters who are messy, flawed and selfish but nevertheless sympathetic. Nobody in Attack on Titan is a classic unselfish “pure” hero, they are all deeply flawed. Isayama’s characters were compelling in the beginning because of that. He allowed his characters to exhibit cowardice, he allowed them to fail spectacularly, and that made Attack on Titan stand out. Despire the melodrama of their situations, actions and personalities, there’s a rawness to (most of) his characters that fits the horror of the setting.

Even the protag Eren, who a lot of people dislike or find easily the most boring character (honestly I found Levi the most boring though), has this ugliness to him that makes him distinct from the billion other teen boy protags in shonen. He is genuinely unstable and honestly a bit disturbing, as this collection of weird murderfaces he makes shows (behold my post popular aot post, ah memories).His obsession with killing Titans was unsettling, it was the classic determination of a shonen hero through a screwed up horror lens, this kid ain’t all right.

Historia especially resonated me because she was TRYING to be that classic pure heroine- but she was selfish like everyone else deep down. She just wanted to be SEEN as an pure-hearted martyr who sacrificed for others, when really all she was doing was giving into her suicidal urges. It was criticism of the very concept of the “immaculate woman”, and that’s pretty cool. So was the fact she was seen through by Ymir, someone who embraces selfishness in all other aspects of her life but is ultimately selfless when it comes to her love for Historia...that’s some good shit. It’s fantastic as a character concept, and Ymir and Historia’s initial character writing and backstory will stick with me because it was genuinely good in all its melodrama. 

Historia and Ymir were nuanced queer characters whose relationships were fleshed out well. I do believe Isayama put care into crafting their initial arcs and developing them.

But then we run into a problem. A problem that eventually we run into with every character in AOT. Isayama stops caring about them. After their initial big arcs or moments in the spotlight or backstory reveals, he just doesn’t know what to do with these characters anymore. So they completely disapppear from the manga or fade into the background only to matter again when he decides to kill them off for some cheap shock moment. Either that, or they just exist to further the narrative of how the military is cool and we have to exterminate all our enemies and blablabla.

 Because he ultimately cares about that narrative far, far more than he does giving these characters the full stories that resonate, make sense and are effectively paced. He's completely willing to undo all the character work he did previously if it means he can be edgy or impress his ideals on the reader.

That’s why Ymir and Historia have this dramatic parting that gets the audience pumped to see what happens to both of them and when they’ll reunite...only for Ymir to just completely disappear from the narrative, then be killed offscreen without even really re-entering the story again. That’s why Historia has this whole big arc about reclaiming her agency, resisting her abusive family and learning to live for herself...only to be intimidated into becoming Queen even though she’s not super into it, because she needs to serve the military and NOT live for herself after all, I guess? And oh, now she’s numbly accepted her duty to endlessly make babies for the sake of the nation! Turns out her real purpose is to be something for the other characters to be sad about. 

Isayama got bored with Historia’s arc and Ymir’s arc and their relationship. He may have fun coming up with characters backstories and the big dramatic moments, but once those are over? He doesn’t care enough to do the work to conclude their stories. He gets distracted by his next plot point, his next action scene. The characters are toys he discards or breaks for the sake of either some edgy ‘anyone can die!’ moment or to push forward whatever new stupid plot point he’s thought up for his fascist narrative. (Links to evidence of Isayama’s views in this post).

Even in the (dumb) sense of “oohhh doesn’t this impress life’s cruelty upon us”, Ymir’s death is a failure. When she’s been gone from the narrative so long, to have it suddenly be like “oh, she died” just makes for a reader feeling confused and cheated, not devastated. It becomes painfully clear she’s an afterthought to the author, a loose end that needed to be cut. Same with Sasha’s recent death, I saw no sign she’d been anything but background in the narrative for a long. looong time before she was killed off.

 Heck, look not further than Annie, who has now been trapped in crystal for what, 800 chapters? It’s been YEARS, both in universe and out. It’s honestly FUNNY at this point that she’s still fuckin’ in there, literally just frozen until Isayama can decide what he wants to do with her.. I hope the manga ends with everyone dead and then 1000 years later Annie emerges like “hey guys I’m back!” Then a meteor hits her or something. The intrigue surrounding her fizzled out a long time ago, yet Isayama still expects the reader to care whenever that hunk of rock shows up?

Let’s bring it around back to Eren. There were a lot of interesting directions he could have actually gone as a character, had he been forced to actually, y’know, deal with the fact he was channeling his grief in an unhealthy way or his worldview had ultimately been challenged at all. But Isayama actually agrees with Eren for the most part, he does think enemies should be exterminated without fail and genocide is cool and stuff. So Eren’s development throughout 800 chapters was just to ultimately get more and more obsessed with killing enemies, to the point where he doesn’t even enjoy seeing the ocean for long before deciding that was more important. Only his targets are definitely people now, and he doesn’t care about children or civilian casualties anymore, and yeah he’s screwed up, but doesn’t he have a point???? You can almost hear Isayama say this.

 Eren exemplifies how Isayama approaches character development. He allows his characters to get more ruthless, more calculating, more fucked up, more comfortable with killing and torture as time goes on, but they can’t develop in a positive way ever- if they start going in that direction, it’s time for them to either die or regress. Nobody’s allowed to find any sort of lasting happiness, nobody’s allowed to become softer or kinder. “Cowards” (like Armin or Sasha) can become “brave”, but they’ll eventually lose most of their softness and empathy too. But that will be excused at every turn, because that’s apparently the price, the sacrifice of being a soldier. It’s “necessary” and it’s something Isayama very obviously admires. “Bravery” trumps compassion, soldiers must be ruthless to win and in the end, any growth is meaningless.

To be clear, a lot of negative character development isn’t a bad thing and “anyone can die” narratives aren’t either (though both are very tricky to pull off without losing audience investment- if you know it’s all just gonna be suffering, why keep reading?). But even when your story has those elements, you, as an author, have to have some respect and perspective in regards to your characters and Isayama has neither. He AGREES that his characters terrible actions (like torture) are necessary, because he thinks what Japanese soldiers did to Korean civilians was A-OK too...so it all just comes off as sickening.

And in a story, even if you’re trying to impress that death is random and arbitrary, that your story’s world is dangerous for everyone, those deaths should still mean something to you. the author. Otherwise the reader can’t feel their impact. It shouldn’t be easy to kill off a character. It shouldn’t be simply because you’re bored, or don’t know what to do with them- yet Isayama has openly admitted what he does. A character ceasing to matter, and then dying, has no impact. A character must matter up until the moment they cease for their death to matter.

( And lbr, if “anyone” could really die in AOT, the four main characters wouldn’t have gotten a million miracle reprieves by now).

It’s not surprising it ended up this way, though. It’s not surprising a man who has no sympathy or compassion for victims of war crimes has no sympathy or compassion for his characters and slowly drains them of their humanity as the story goes on. His love of war and domination is more important to him than human beings, and that comes through in his narrative, where characterization takes a backseat to his love of depicting war and violence, of impressing its necessity on the reader.

The characters of Attack on Titan deserve better than to be embedded in this cynical, cheap, fascist narrative. Fortunately, there are a ton of stories out there, and you can find similar characters with authors who actually care about them and aren’t openly fascist. For instance, while thinking about Historia’s arc and how good it started out, I remembered that one of my favorite narratives has a very similar main character. If you like Historia and wish she had a better narrative, I encourage you to check out the anime or light novels for The Twelve Kingdoms.

Similar to Historia, Youko is raised in an oppressive environment and constructs this entire personality around the idea of being an ideal good girl who lives for others, even though deep down she didn’t really care much for the people she was pleasing. When she’s stranded in an unfamiliar world, she slowly finds who she really is- and she’s pretty hardcore. She comes into a royal position of power too, but needless to say, it’s handled much better than Historia’s arc in AOT. 

True, she’s not explicitly queer, but there’s no explicit love interest either (the anime does add a “crush”, but he disappears pretty quickly and she gets over him amazingly fast), and ton of strong female relationships in the story too, that don’t end with one party dying and the other becoming a baby machine. And it’s written by a woman who’s never openly supported war crimes, so. 

So yeah, there are so many better options than Attack on Titan, and so many better ways these character concepts can be used. If you’re as disappointed as I am, it’s important to remember that. These character were failed, but characters like them can still be given the narratives they deserve.

Here’s the final part of this series:

The final reflection on Attack on Titan: How the narrative failed its potential in regard to gender and queer themes.

#attack on titan for ts #meta #forced pregnancy cw

[not-so-secret-nerd]

The longer my life goes on the more I realize I don’t want it. Not the people, mind you. There are a select few who make existence on this floating rock bearable, but as a whole, there’s just nothing here.

I know, I know, I KNOW! Alright? I know! I know “people have it worse.” I know “you’re white, what the fuck do you have to worry about?” I know “at least you have a home, a car, a job, a life.” I know “at least you have people who care!” I know, “at least you’re not out on the streets!”

I know, alright?! I fucking know better than anyone how much I have and how the deck has been stacked in my favor due to my privilege. I know, okay!? So no, I shouldn’t complain, should I? I shouldn’t bemoan about my circumstances because others have and do have it worse, and what does a fucking white queer have to worry about, huh?  

But it doesn’t change the fact I look in the mirror and only see a disappointment. I see a dollar sign to my parents. I see a burden. I see a 30-year-old still living at home, unable to get a decent job, unable to be fully independent. I see a failure, and I regularly what that person to die.

I grew up a financial linchpin in my family. “Oh your father hasn’t sent in his child support again (big dramatic sigh). We’re going to have to pay out of pocket for your school supplies. Guess he really cares about you”. (Wow, equating your child’s self-worth to how much a parent is willing to pay for you, classy). “Money’s tight again (looks directly at me) we’re going to need to be really frugal for a while to make it to the next pay period.” (I am a 13-year-old child, what the fuck does this have to do with me?)

I was their prize in their divorce tug-of-war, but they never once took into account what they were doing to me. What they were exposing me to. What foundation they were laying for their adult child soon to come.

I killed myself trying to make myself as indisposable as possible because if I was useful I wouldn’t be thrown away. That’s an eight-year old’s logic. My dad left me, and my mother remarried and had another kid, oops guess that means I’m replaceable after all! I can change that! I’ll be the best in school. That’ll keep their attention/love. I’ll be the best at everything I do. I’ll learn super fast so I don’t disappoint them because I have an inescapable fear of being thrown away like last week’s garbage. I’ll do everything they ask without question. I’ll be the best daughter they could have because that’s healthy living with the fear of replacement as a constant stress.

Wow, what’s the one thing they talk about the most or complain about the most when I’m in their presence? Money! So, therefore, I need to associate my self-worth based on how much money I force my parents to spend on me/how much money I actually accumulate. The less the better because then I’m not being a burden. But wait….why can my little sister get all these cool things? Why doesn’t she feel this CRIPPLING FUCKING GUILT every time money is brought up? Why isn’t she panicking about making payments to bills that aren’t fucking mine because I’M A GODDAMN MIDDLE SCHOOLER? Why doesn’t she feel bad asking for something nice when we go out for dinner? How come mom and dad never have the “Its gonna be a lean Christmas this year” talk with her and ask her not to ask for expensive/large things?

Doesn’t she know? We’re so poor! We can’t make it to the next pay period! I made them pay for my court appointed visitation plane ticket out of pocket! Dad didn’t send his part of the child support! We can’t survive without it! This is going to set them back so much, oh god! No, no it’s okay I don’t need anything from the store, please don’t buy me that toy/thing I want, we don’t have the money.

I’m okay, I’m fine, no really it’s okay, I don’t want it anyway. Please don’t get me anything. Please don’t spend your money, I’m a burden. I’m a disgrace. I didn’t do well enough on my last test, but I swear I’ll do better. Please don’t replace me! Please don’t throw me out! Please don’t make me go live with my father, his new wife hits me! PLEASE JUST LET ME BE A KID FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER!

The moment a child starts to worry about the future they are no longer a child.  

And so it festers for years. Decades. Churning like black sludge under my skin, putrefying, poisoning my soul and warping my mind until with every exhale I’m whispering I’m not good enough. I’ve never been good enough. I will never be good enough.

And I just want it to stop. I just want the world to stop. Get me off this ride. I don’t want to be here anymore. Someone please just end this!

Because no amount of “it get’s better!”

No amount of “hold out for your favorite show/movie/book, you gotta see how it ends”

No amount of “this too shall pass”

No amount of “but isn’t love enough?”

No amount of “the sunrise is too beautiful to miss”

No….

No, it doesn’t get better. In fact, it’s only been getting steadily worse as the years have dragged on. I am in an eternal spiral of hemorrhaging money, medical problems, dead-end jobs, and bleak futures.

No, I will not hold out because entertainment is hollow and means nothing. It’s just a pacification for our lives, a way to blind and numb us to the fact we’re getting fucked in the ass regularly by a world with no kindness or empathy.

No, love isn’t fucking enough. It doesn’t stave off the crippling anxiety eating through my bones like a parasite. It doesn’t quiet the voices in my head, whispering at all hours, begging me to pay attention to them. It doesn’t shift the boulder of inadequacy from my shoulders, the deep-seeded disappointment I have in myself for fucking up my life, for not listening to reason, for my laziness and my complacency that’s robbed me of a potential future. For things about myself I can’t change. For the abomination I’ve turned into because of who I love. 

No, because I’ve seen the sunrise. I drive to work every day in the dark and watch the sun rise on another day and there’s nothing beautiful about it. There’s nothing striking or awe-inspiring. It’s just another day on the tarmac, struggling to eek out a living, to make payments, to make enough to eat and sustain what little life I have. It’s the fucking sun. It’s a massive star in the sky that heats our world. It’s nothing more than a glorified light bulb overtop a greenhouse and I’m tired of watching the sunrise time and time again on my life that’s going nowhere.

Between fighting with the hospital debt, potentially losing any chance at a good, steady job because of a pending and false “hit and run” charge in DC, minor traffic violations I’m expected to pay because of my job, and only making $400-ish every two weeks, I have nothing left to give the world. Where’s my worth lie? Oh, gee, it’s in how much I can contribute to my family unit and that’s a big fat zero.

I have tried. Really fucking tried for years to find my place, but the fact remains there isn’t a place for me anywhere. I can’t carve out a nook for myself. I’ve tried. Every time I get somewhere the sand shifts and I’m back to square one. I can create so much with my hands. My mind is incredible. I have this innate ability to look at something and recreate it almost perfectly but no one wants an “unskilled worker” on their team, or they don’t want to pay. I only have a small portfolio. No one is going to hire me for steady work and the trade industry is a joke. I can write pros that bring people to tears. I can world build and wordsmith. I’ve crafted stories that surpass published favorites and have touched peoples’ hearts but no editor will give me so much as a fart because I’m not established. I’m not mainstream enough. I’m not marketable. And forget getting a job editing or freelance writing. You need a degree for that. You need a degree to fucking breathe in this country and the one I have only supplies the bare minimum of oxygen.

I am poor. Depressingly poor.

I am 30 and I live at home because I can’t afford a life for myself.

I have all this talent and nowhere to place it

I’m being eaten alive by inadequacy, guilt, anger, disappointment, jealousy, anxiety, and worthlessness

And I am very tired of living with this.

Don’t message me. Don’t reach out to me. Don’t send me your platitudes or your sympathy. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want hugs or words of comfort or your view on things. I don’t want to be touched. I don’t want your fucking prayers or good vibes. They don’t work, and I’m not about to be your token “prayer request” or the “good deed you did to top off your karma tank”.

Leave me alone

Let me fade

#personal #I've reached the end

[afreakingdork]

Review Revisited: The Gentlemen's Alliance Cross

So after I posted my 2007 Manga Reviews I got to thinking about how those series formed my early manga opinions and how much I’ve grown as a person since reading them. In the spirit of that, I thought it would be a great idea to revisit those series of yore and update my reviews of them with my older, wiser perspective. 

The first up is the first that was on the list and a series that was closer to my heart than I remembered: Shinkuro (Shinshi Doumei Kurosu or The Gentlemen's Alliance Cross). Here’s the 2007 review as a refresher: 

ShinKuro: Or Gentlemen’s Alliance Cross for those that aren’t familar with it…Ok so I love this series and its awesome bottom line~ 1-3 are out currently, its one of those stories you gotta read over at least 4 times before you understand the plot, or maybe i have a focus problems who knows, all i know is you need to go out and read this, its got everything yo! Straight, yuri, yaoi…idk I’m not much of a gay fangirl, but hey ya gotta cover japanese basics~

Before I get into the veritable mountain of things I want to talk about (I mean, I have 14 years of feelings to sort through), I first want to tell a story of fate. When I decided to re-do these reviews, I went to look for my old manga. It’s not far, about 50 steps away to my bookshelf, but I didn’t see Shinkuro anywhere. Confused, I waited until the next time I visited my mom to look there and could not find it. I knew when I moved out of her house in 2017 I had sold some extra books to make the move easier, but couldn’t recall a specific memory of packing them up. I checked my email and the only clue was a listing on eBay, but there was no sold email attached. I’m usually really diligent with stuff like that, so I was totally stumped. Regardless, I had no manga, so I went ahead and started reading it on some pirating website. Now, I don’t condone these sites, but I couldn’t find the series anywhere else for whatever reason. I was only able to get a few chapters in before I just couldn’t take it anymore. The site I was using (one of the only sites to even have a pirated version. Seriously, why had this series totally disappeared from the US lexicon!?) only had a fan-scan of the series. Now, Shinkuro is something I’ve read many, many, many times and, while the fan-scan wasn’t unreadable, I kept getting really hung up on how different it was from what I remembered. I would read a line and my brain would make an error noise and respond with what the line should be. As I clicked through the pages, the errors piled up more and more and my brain was relentless about how the lines should have been translated. 

Frustrated, I totally gave up and the next time I saw my mom I told her of my plight. I could see the lightbulb go off over her head and she asked me if ‘that wasn’t the manga that didn’t sell on eBay and I gave to her to give away?’ I was taken aback; I hadn’t told her about the eBay email I found and instead only told her I couldn’t find the series I didn’t think I had gotten rid of. She said it was stored in a guest bedroom with a bunch of junk we were going to sell just before the pandemic struck last year. I was still incredulous, but she went back there with me to look for it. Now, no one knows my mom like I do, but I will tell you she is absolute garbage at describing stuff. She gave me this crazy description about a box that was the size of a loaf of bread and it had a hinge on it and I had no idea how that worked with cardboard. It took a long time, moving a metric shitton of full-to-the-brim boxes around to no avail. Since we were getting to the bottom of boxes that were stacked high, we were tag teaming the project where one person would lift and the other would rummage. It was at the bottom of a box in a 3-box stack that mom deemed the box incorrect by only shoving her hand inside. She said she felt a box, but it didn’t feel right so she moved on. I felt a pull and tilted my head so that I could see into the only sliver on the box, a tiny crack. I told her ‘I saw a box that looked kinda like a shoe box and is that what she meant by a hinge?’ She said she wasn’t sure, but we made quick work taking down the stack to reveal the smaller box. Upon closer inspection she said this had to be it and as I opened it there lay the entire 11 volume series. I tell you, I almost sobbed right there on the spot. What are the chances that I would try to sell the series, it wouldn’t sell (I listed all 11 volumes for 40$!!!), I would give it to mom to give away, she wouldn’t do so (she wasn’t sure what the age range for the books were), and then years later we would happen across it and mom would dismiss it while I pressed to check, to find these books. They were meant to stay with me is the only conclusion I can make and after re-reading the series I can say this is totally true, so let’s get into my renewed feelings: 

So, looking at my old review, I know exactly what my younger self meant by rereading the same bit 4 times to understand. Arina Tanemura has a penchant for putting 1000 screentones over every page and sometimes she swiftly moves through conversations and even locations between panels on the same page. It’s a breakneck speed to try to give every character of this ensemble class a time to shine. There’s also the hurdles of Tanemura’s style that can’t be ignored. When my partner saw the manga, he asked me if all the art really looked like that and I showed him that, yes indeed, and that was almost a pretty standard art style for shoujou manga from that time period. He was aghast and didn’t believe he could read something like that and I can totally see how that would be off-putting for the average reader (I’m not average in the sense that I’ve read it so many times I know all the ins and outs). For example, in middle school Haine cut her hair off and dyed it blond. She dyes it back when she goes to high school, but halfway through the series she cuts it and dyes it back to blond for Ushio’s sake. Tanemura doesn’t change ANY screentones during this time and you only find out that Haine dyes her her back ONCE AGAIN in a throw away line. I’ve held the pages up side-by-side and it’s totally indiscernible when Haine’s hair is blond vs. brown. 

That being said, one of the greatest parts of this series is how it was translated. There was so much love and care put into these Notes on the Text that it was the perfect series to start shaping my understanding of Japanese culture and writing. Instead of just a glossary saying what ‘-san’ meant as a suffix, these sections go so far as to explain why certain phrases were translated as they were and explain what the original Japanese text said and how it was a joke or a play on words. That is so rare to see in manga and I feel like it should be more standard. 

Now to face the elephant in the room head-on: let’s look into the LGBT+ themes in the series. 2007 Alex was quite afraid and prejudiced against queer culture. I can’t tell you where exactly it stemmed from because I don’t really remember feeling that way. I know it happened, I have evidence and my friends’ testimonies, but it doesn’t feel like I had that much hate in my heart. It’s systemic to our culture and that may be why, but regardless, I feel awful that I once felt that way. I was scared getting into this series that the LGBT+ themes would be handled so poorly as it often is in manga. Thankfully, that didn’t end up wholly being the case. In her author’s notes, Tanemura stated multiple times that she was not a fan of mlm or wlw content, but she wanted to use this series to push herself to do a lot of things she didn’t like otherwise. I want to put an excerpt on her final thoughts on those themes in the series here: 

I don’t know how the readers feel, but I’ve never been very fond of reading guy x guy and girl x girl relationships. But that was another reason for me to have done this series. I thought the series would have a nice twist to it if I tried to draw something I didn’t like. 

I regularly challenge myself to eat things I don’t like. I don’t like the idea of having dislikes, so it became an opportunity for me to get over that. 

And the result was... I still couldn’t get myself to be interested in it. So it’ll probably be a topic I’ll never write about again. But I think it was still worth it that I found that out. 

I won’t take the time to break down homophobia in Japanese society, but I find it interesting that Tanemura sees queer relationships not as a real thing in her stories, but instead as a commodity that she can compare to tastes in food. I found the story lines really compelling. Take Maora, for example. Tanemura refers to Maora as eccentric for cross dressing in her author notes, but in story Maora is actually characterized with a surprising amount of care on the subject. While some may view Maora as a ‘trap,’ I would instead posit that he’s genderfluid. Obviously he goes by he/him, but I think it’s so interesting that when told that boys couldn’t marry, Maora goes to great lengths to present as a female so Maguri and him could be together as they always wanted. When Maguri rejects this because he’s gay and prefers male presenting individuals, Maora holds on to his ‘femininity’ because it means something to him. All the work he put in is a representation of his love and later becomes something that he enjoys doing. There are, of course, a few pitfalls. I’m not a fan of the fact that when going to the Emperor’s Association meeting, Maora feels like he must dress more masculine because it’s a serious event (giving the connotation that dressing feminine is just a frivolous thing). I also really hate one of Maora’s final lines in the penultimate arc when the student council is breaking into Shuichiro’s house and he says “Don’t you blush! I’m a guy!” before kicking someone. I think Tanemura meant for that to be a cool one-liner, but instead it just undercuts who Maora is. 

On the flip side, I really like how Ushio’s love of Haine is characterized. While Ushio’s means of capturing Haine aren’t the best, I think her love is a beautiful arc. Ushio fell in love with a blond yanki that happened to break into her house to hide when she was at the lowest point in her life. When Haine has her night with Shizumasa and decides to ‘move back into the light,’ time stops for Ushio as Haine leaves her. Ushio is left looking for that person who saw her when everything else in her life was filled with hate. There is a beautiful story there where she realizes her love for Haine isn’t romantic or sexual love, but instead the powerful love in friendship. This story always holds the different types of love in high regard. It is stated multiple times that Takanari and Haine both hold their best friends in their hearts higher than their romantic partners and I adore that. It’s such a healthier way to represent relationships. Your romantic partners shouldn’t just supersede your other loves just because. 

The development of loves on the other hand can be a bit rocky. The bonus story between Kusame and Komaki is always one I held in such high regard because it’s characterization of changing love. Kusame, who’s been in love with Haine, starts dating her sister Komaki out of obligation and he ends up falling in love with her not because she’s similar to Haine, but instead because of how different she is and how those were things that he grew to appreciate and love about her instead. Can you say relationship goals?!  Contrasting that, you have the relationships between Itsuki Otomiya, Kazuhito Kamiya, and Maika Rikyuu. Maika and Itsuki were secretly dating in high school and Kazuhito sweeps in, steals the position of emperor from Itsuki by underhanded means and ensnares Maika in a marriage due to obligation for her family’s failing company. Over time, Maika grows to love Kazuhito and the whole thing always left a bad taste in my mouth. Maybe if the pages had been given a little more time it could have worked, there’s small signifiers, like how Kazuhito and Maika met and were friends before he pulled his repulsive plot. There was a precedent that the two got along and could have fallen in love, but instead it went full Stockholm and that is painted as ok. I do want to take a moment to say that scene where Itsuki returns from visiting Maika for the first time since all that happened where his current wife Ryouka stayed up because she was afraid he was going to leave her and he reassures her that he would have never done so was downright incredible. 

The timeline of Maika losing her memories confounds me as a way to keep her away from Haine. I know Kazuhito didn’t give her much choice in the matter, but she had a whole other child before she started to lose her memories and there is quite an age difference (like 7+ or so years) between Komaki and Tachibana, where Maika had her memories (for a few years?) and just made no effort to contact Haine in any way. It just seems overly cruel and unnecessary when Maika wrote a letter to Haine saying she would continue to write even though she couldn’t see her. I know a maid was watching her, but she couldn’t send a letter? She already sent one letter! Kazuhito’s goal was to give Haine back to Itsuki so she could live freely without the burden of his influence because he knows he’s an asshole that only cares about Maika and clipped her wings. He wants to atone for still keeping Maika trapped by letting Haine soar, but keeping Haine from at least talking to her mother through letters is just erroneous. That didn’t keep her free from him, it only made her miserable from not being able to talk to her mom. Ugh, just writing about it makes me so mad. 

It’s interesting to me that in her distaste for LGBT+ themes, Tanemura was about to have a polyamorous ending to the series. It’s disheartening that the only reason she didn’t do so was because she could only imagine there would be a power imbalance where Shizumasa would have been a pitiful party in such an arrangement. It’s not like I was rooting for a threesome (especially since two of them are twin brothers), but it’s an outdated view on what polyamorous relationships are actually like. Also, Takanari is the clear winner and I’m not sure why it’s ever a question for Haine. When you break it down, Haine really only spent one single night with Shizumasa while she actually had months and months of time built up with Takanari to build the foundation of a real relationship, but that’s neither here nor there. 

Overall, I’m so glad I re-read this series and I will never try to resell it ever again. It means so much to me and even though it’s CW levels of dramatic happenings (I can’t believe Toya pulled a gun on and shot Haine), there is a market for those things and they’re enjoyable in how bizarre they are. There’s obviously some failing to the story, but as a whole I still love it, even nostalgia aside. I think it’s a great series for those new to shoujou drama’s to read! 

Verdict: 

Read Right < Left 

#me #manga #manga review #review #The Gentlemen's Alliance Cross #Gentlemen's Alliance Cross #Shinshi Doumei Kurosu #shinkuro

[survivoratomic-acadia]

Confessionals!

Hi it is Olivia! So I don't have the gifs of this season or the player banners so this will be separated by day since I was just an intern and didn’t keep track of confessionals or what day it was when they were posted. Its just all of the confessionals for this season on one post. Sorry for the delay!

5/22

Tim

WHY ARENT I ON THE PRETTY TRIBE! I love Aren already he seems super fun and chill! Certain people... however make me wonder why they are all stars.. jk lmao Im here to have fun and do great!

Aren

Spoiler alert, the f3 is trixie/madison/aren!!!

QuilLynn

So its me, QuilLynn, Two-time winner, next first boot of atomic! I'm happy to be with Dana, but idk about the rest of tribe. I don't really click with anyone, so i'll probably just try to let dana have the social game and i'll just like cling to her coat tails until merge or a swap. I'm trying to be my catty self and form a pretty girls alliance with Dana and Sarah since we are all Iconic woman winners, but I know Sarah will be more loyal to dan, or I think it at least. I'll fill you in more later, gotta go mingle! <3 xoxo gossip ho

Stephen

Its what, one hour into the game and I already love sarah. i knew this season was going to be crazy, it is after all all-stars. So that means no inactives to vote out round one. Eek. So I’ve got to work fast to make those social connections and try and get myself a place in whatever majority forms if we lose immunity. Which we wont. I love creative writing, if we lose this because of my writing I might as well give up writing altogether.

Aundra

"THIS IS BRAZY!! Going into this im ""like Jesus do i want any IOS people in?"" ""theres going to be at least one, right?"" SIKE! THERES 3!! i cant deal im super excited that tim and heather are in the same game as me because they're great people Stephens also here which is awkward a little but i dont really feel like theres any bad blood between us, we've basically made up since IOS . ALSO IM ON A TRIBE BUILT MOSTLY FROM WINNERS. I really wanted to have some winners on my tribe that way i could have hopefully a built in alliance but all winners except one is on my tribe thats so much pressure. And unlike most games ive had a small convo with just about everyone on my tribe/ know them or i like them. this game is definitely going to be different experience and hopefully it will be a long and fulfilling im really looking forward to this season.

my game plan for right now is to get on the good side of all the people that haven't won a game yet and get the other winners out. target #1 QuilLynn SHE HAS WON TWICE. did they let sandra make it to merge?? NO do i want to go far with her in this game? NO is she probably a great person? MAYBE but i dont want to take chances and im gonna be pretty limited at the begging of this game so hopefully the will let me survive long enough to establish myself apart of this game.  

Hopefully this game is worth it and is as fun is it was last time even if like time i was sent into a depressive mode thanks pressure last time i think i can take it this time! lmao                                                                                                 xoxo, gossip girl "

5/23

Madison

TOO MANY PEOPLE I KNOW. TOO MANY PEOPLE THAT HATE ME. I’M GONNA DIE SO FAST. 

Dan

"So I like a lot of my tribemates which is cool because if I didn’t I would have quit night one and thrown all the rice in the fire. There’s a ton of Lago representation, which I’m not surprised about, but am v concerned about. It’s like when you were in like 7th grade and you had those friends you talked to every day and then summer came and y’all didnt talk for a while and you come back for 8th grade and things are chill and you catch up, but they still know you’re better than them in every way.

This first challenge is....a choice. I love Cameron with all of my heart normally, but this makes me only love him with my right atrium, so there’s that. I havent taken an English class since 12th grade so y’all know I’m basiclally illiterate now.

I’m just hoping for a cute little jury placement and play a more UTR Sammy-esque game this time around. I know that eventually the wheels will fall off of that plan and I’ll go into full on neurotic, here, queer, and not going anywheer mode where I win like 6 consecutive immunities, but for the mean time I’m goung to try to be diverse, and show I’m not a one trick homosexual. "

Sarah

"Hey so let me just tell yall im stoked for this season bc im back for ALL STARS!

First season winner and flop returning again.

I adore this cast and the fact that I have been put on a tribe with all the winners (except  luke) is amazing. we created a girl winner alliance right away with me, dana and quillynn. I adore them so much!

Also im connecting with stephen and i think he likes me! I will prob be able to control him a tiny bit this season so lets see how that goes :~)

I just want to let yall know there will rocks this season bc me and julia are back! Were not on the same tribe but i adore that bitch and shes just as equal craziness as me

So far i have connections af and i havent burned any bridges with the ppl in this game so im literally in love

Jay will probably want to get me out asap but fuck u im on my own tribe OK

Anyways just like s1 i have an alliance made almost immediately and i have connections!

Also i did the whole immunity so incase we lose they will feel guilty of voting me out WHHAAHAHAHHA

Anyways ill be back later with more news"

Aundra

"A tribe full of mostly winners.. in a way sounds ideal. It’s not the only person that’s attempt the first challenge is Sarah and Sammy helped out i wrote half of one which is better than I bet majority of team has done I highly doubt we’re going to win the challenge becaus Sarah’s story is not all that great it lacks anything it’s just boring but aleast she tried she put forth some effort toward the challenge and I honestly don’t want to go to a tribal that would be the worst also did I forget to mention that the idol system for this season is the exact same way as IOS which I suched and was probably the worst person in the moors of all time cannot l t me just make merge so I can have and isle of skye reunion with my main man tim cause I really need someone that would be my ride or die and I wouldn’t have to worry about betraying me

Also I QuilLynn is a really cool person it would be hard to vote them out ( I think that’s there pronoun caus ewhen we were talking she started using we and what not so I’m gonna call her they/them for now on) and Duncan obviously did some sorta research on the cast cause he came at me with basically my whole tumblr survivor history. I gotta watch him closely                                 Xoxo, gossip girl "

Tim

"Everyone: oh this challenge is so cute its gonna be great

Me internally: It's ok but I thought I'd see it at swap or something its not my favvvorite

Also them: Doesn't write anything for the challenge but some gives ideas

Me: Guess I'll just... write."

Well I just wrote my story for the tribe and trixie drew some bomb ass pictures! It really brought the story to life a bit and I appreciate the partnership effort!

Stephen

"Duncan: Don’t backstab me okay? Me sharpening my knives: Unfortunate Like I love the guy but anyone who asks for an alliance day one can easily become a target or an asset. If we end up losing this challenge I will either throw him under the bus of us or us him to get numbers. Also about this challenge, I feel really bad for not having more input, especially after I bragged about my writing. But tbh this prompt is very specific, and doesn’t really mesh with my style of writing. And by the time I had caught up with messages and read what Sarah had written it was 11:30. Sorry guys."

Duncan

https://youtu.be/5PLE0dQ1mIk

Aundra

"this is going to sound completely under believable but it’s all true and happened day while I was in the the Acadia Mountains on a afternoon hike. So I was walking having a very nice time enjoying a new trail I’d never taken before. It was longer than most and seemed to never end, I almost thought I was going around in circles. When I was finally about to give up my gps went off saying I was near a geocache! So like any normal person I went to go it. When i found the capsule it began to glow. Strongly and brightly it started to shine. I’d never seen a geocache this big so I decided I was going to take it the I noticed something weird on it it had names next to dates on it. QuilLynn- 1902 Samuel- 1913 Dana- 1940 Sammy- 1953 Dan- 1969 Sarah- 1982 Stephen- 1986 Heather- 2000 Duncan- 2012 Aundra- 2018

I had no idea what this list meant or who these people were, I’d so find out. I started my way back to my car but never made it back that day. Once I began to try and leave the geocache started heating up. It became so I dropped it. I would’ve ran off then and there but I started hearing a voice. “Give me what I want and I’ll give you what you want!” Said the dark and gargled voice. “What do you want?” I said quickly to scared to think of anything else to say. “Your soul!” Whisper little voices so close to my ear I could feel there lips nibbling on my earlobes. I got chills and started panicking breathing heavy. Fast. Hard. Deeply. I thought I was gonna pass out but surprisingly stayed awake. “What do o get in return?” I asked the voice. “Happiness” it shot back quickly. “Ok, have it.”

That’s the half of the story I wrote defiantly better than Sarah’s but it’s whatever hopefully her story can pull through with a W                                  Xoxo, gossip girl "

Dan

"Our story is........... garbage honestly.

What happened to Heather’s amazing 7 deadly sins story line??? We got a stale piece of white bread with no plot or anything with just food jokes??? Sarah did her best yes, but when your best is subpar it’s kinda hard to like win a challenge ya know? "

Heather

Wow first confessional after immunity, we stan a mess. So before anyone can get situated we get our challenge thrown at us and of course it is something I am actually terrible at: WRITING. Hun I cant write for shit. But I came up with a great idea that I thought would really sell the judges being the 7 deadly sins. However there are 10 people so 3 would be the ones who find the geocache and use the items in it to fend off the other 7 who are possessed by the sins. Everyone was like super excited for it, but Sarah didn't use it in the writing, which is upsetting since I really wanted to be sloth and be fended off with like Nyquil or something, but aye that's how shit is. Now I guess its time to get these bitches on my side and find out who to get rid of.

5/24

Duncan

so we lost. Obviously i'm not thrilled about it but I'm not filled with rage or anything like that. If i go home first I'll be a little surprised but I don't think thats going to happen. What I'm kind of hoping to form is a foursome of me dan heather and sammy. I think that would be a very strong group at least for now. As for the longevity of the group? I don't know. I just know I told dan and sammy individually that i want to work with them and heather is someone who dan trusts. Sammy and Dan played lago together so hopefully they'll be on good terms. This way Dan can kind of be seen as the leader of the group and if anyone tries to take a shot at the grouping later down the road it will be his head on the line and not mine. As for who goes home at tribal? I don't think people will vote for Quil or Dana as not to stir the pot. We can't vote out Sarah. It would be mcfucked if we did that to her. So that leaves Stephen, Aundra and Samuel. Obviously I would like to keep Stephen around because he can be an asset to me moving forward. As for Aundra and Samuel?  think Aundra is a little enigmatic but i like him. I also like Samuel, he was the last person to add me but we've been talking the most out of all people that are brand new to me. Speaking of being brand new. I kind of want to talk to Heather and Aundra and be like "THIS IS ALL STARS!! WHY Y'ALL ACTING BRAND NEW!?!" because I've talked to them like the bare minimum. Do you know the untucked where that quote was from? God i love untucked. Where was I? Oh yeah. Hopefully they don't send my ass packing first. I haven't thrown out any names, hopefully someone can throw out a name by noon tomorrow. I'll report back later if i have time. xoxo gossip gorl. also woo mitch! im going to try and win this for us since we were robbed in alcatraz <3

Luke

"Hi hello we won immunity and that’s pretty iconic! I like a majority of my tribe but I’m SCARED of if we have to go to tribal because I think I will DIE!

Opinions on my tribe:

Aren: he’s iconic! He’s british and we hit it off right away, I think he’s going to make a great ally for me!

Carson: I love Carson so much ahhhh, I’m excited to see him in this game because we always work really well together. He’s definitely a number for me.

Chris: last time I played with Chris was in Great Lakes when he had a premade to help him get to the end so I can’t wait to get my revenge lol (:

Julia: I love Julia but she always makes it difficult to work with her because she always explodes on somebody and people want her out because of it. I hope she stays a little calm this game because I could use her.

Madison: uggghhhh. I like Madison, I do. She just got me out in BBFurby and I am a LITTLE bitter about but she says she wants to work with me. I believe her like...70% because I think that she’ll take the opportunity to take me out when she can. So I need to get her first.

Ruthie: My Dead Sea queen!! We worked so well together in Dead Sea and she was vital in my plans to win and it worked out for me. I hope she wants to work with me again!

Tim: Tim is one of two people I didn’t know coming into my tribe but he’s super sweet! Our conversations have been nice so far!

Trixie: ugh stupid furby BITCH! i hate this SKANK i want her to CHOKE she will be first boot and we made it no secret in PMs we hate each other >:( HEHE JK i love this bitch can’t wait to work with her again "

Trixie

"Trixie's Alcatraz Confessional Strike Receipt #1

[2018-01-25, 9:51:48 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): Pls trixie [2018-01-25, 9:51:51 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): ur gonna get another strike [2018-01-25, 9:52:02 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): why… why are u like this "

Dana

"There are NOT enough horses on this Island Cameron!!!!

Ok but fr me, Sarah, and my mother Quail have a Pretty Girls Only Alliance. This is a strategy Quil and I have used before, where we rope in a third girl and work with her, but Sarah is smart af so idk if she'll just like work with us and not ask questions.

Then we all made a winners alliance, which I love. But the only problem is I have a cersh on Sammy... so we can't vote him out NEVER EVER. "

Jay

I haven't really done much but i want to make the weed alliance aka me chris and Julia

Heather

Ok so when I saw Stephen here I was like " Hey maybe we can make amends and work together this season" Then all of a sudden people are targeting him. Also Aundra is on my tribe which if anyone doesn't know I adore Aundra well I do. But he is having wifi problems which sucks. I also heard Samuel's name which I would much rather like to roll with. Ughh too many icons tho why u do this. Right now I seem to be working a lot with Dan and Sammy a bit ( Wow Lago thanks a lot) even though Dan idoled me out but he d=cant do that this game cause of NO FUCKING IDOLS. Speaking of advantages I got me a heavy rock. The heavy rocks power is that I can throw it at someone at tribal and cause them not to vote. I laughed so hard when I got it cause who doesn't want to throw a rock at someone. I am really loving this violent all star season. I hope next time I hunt I get a heavier rock where I can throw it at someone to get them out of the game. hehe

Sam

Wig going okay so far!!

Ruthie

I'm SO glad that I'm on a tribe with so many creative people, i'm super busy until tomorrow and i'm just READY for summer vacation so I'm glad I'm not flailing about to save myself.  I've connected a bit with Aren after not talking to him in like two years so that's nice!

Tim

Their story was cute! But you know gorgeous (our story) next to cute. Gorgeous is just gonna devour cute. [Plz tell me yall get this reference lol]"

Our efforts actually won us the comp.. I feel so inspired to write now.

This is the season that I came to play hard and win. These comps bettee get ready because Im giving it my all and not giving up.

Ali

just popping in to say cam & olivia are the DREAM TEAM and I lav them both :)

Sammy

okay so woo i have a lot to talk about kinda...so i usually make an intro saying how i feel about everyone but umm let’s skip that. The cast is super cool but I have to be super careful because I’m playing with the best of the best? Anyways I wasn’t around to help with the story that much but I did go through and edit stuff I saw...so I did something! There were three names going around today and they were Samuel, Aundra, and Stephen. Now Stephen probably thinks that like it was me that is trying to go for him but his name was brought to me? I know we kinda said we wouldn’t target each other this round buttt he usually lies to me so why not. He took me out of the last couple games we were in together and I feel like he has something against me? Idk. So yeah...and last night i did the trails thing and I freaking got caught by a park ranger for touching a rock. I’m so dumb. The whole tribe knows I was searching:/ rip. Anyway I’m trying to get the numbers on my side and Duncan wants an alliance with me him dan and Heather. But also I might be getting myself into a little group with Dana and quill and hopefully sarah? Idk but woo.

Aundra

"So look im not that smart and all im looking for is the Ali to my Jay and right now, seems like thats not possible. So we lost immunity like i said we were going to because it was obvious any who QuilLynn decides to make a winners alliance which im definitely not going to say no to that because thats safety and numbers for a little while BUT im stupid and may have just leaked the whole thing to Duncan who i thought was a winner and isn't. ik he pays very close attention to things (or at least i think so) and this could really bad on my part and to my game hopefully it wont and all is good

QuilLynn is like a really cool person but im on to them i just have to wait till the perfect moment to strike or to get voted off lmfao but im watching them. Stephen is unfortunately the vote tonight which really suck because i wanted to kinda work on our relationship from the last game that we played in. He doesn't really deserve this but it has to happen to everyone . im also thinking of becoming very close to QuilLynn they say keep your friends close and your enemies closer for a reason                                                                                  xoxo, gossip girl"

Carson

"Wow I like most of my tribe?? Everyone is really funny and I actually don’t want to quit on day 2. Who would have thot.

Being on a tribe with Chris stoner AGAIN is terrible, but Luke is also here and that makes up for it. I cannot wait to vote him out for playing me in Alcatraz! "

Stephen

So I have heard absolutely nothing about the vote, then I ask Aundra. So then he messages me saying he’s voting Samuel, but before I can respond he deletes the message. Then claims it was a link he sent to the wrong person. Wow, glad to see he’s gotten less messy since Isle of Skye, but he did win that one so I should never underestimate him. I wouldn’t be surprised if I went home tonigh with all this radio silence, so I’m voting Samuel on the off chance I can survive.

Julia

So like these hoes so boring. I rly h8 Chris stoner, and I’ve been so high idk what’s really been happening I’m floating rly bad rn but idrc

Chris Stoner

"So I’ve been in Denver! Not good timing but it’s all good cause we won the first comp and now I’m home to socialize and compete.

Instantly me and jay clicked. Jays a cool dude. I don’t expect jay to take me far but I do think he knows I will work him.

I’ve also talked a bit with Tim and Aren. Both are cool dudes. I played with Luke and Julia before, both whom were against me. So should be fun to see how all these relationships play a role. Hopefully it’s not too bad. "

5/25

Heather

SO Immunity just ended and I am a little bit nervous about it. I definitely did the most for my tribe so hopefully I can pull out a win. We had some people like NOT EVEN PARTICIPATE. Like we in allstars bitches we gotta not flop ughh. I feel bad for voting out Stephen last round because I wanted to talk to him about flipping the vote, but he didn't get on until I was in a concert. Samuel I don't think participated so I can prob get votes on him. IF WE NEED TO WHICH I FEEL LIKE WE WILL. (Im Cam messaging to confess while I am in the midst of it I love you hehe) I hope this didn't put a target on my back, or do it. welp time to go hunting for shit

Tim

Um this challenge is so rushed and Aren and Julia are dead!!!

Madison, who is arguably one of the most beneficial members of the tribe so far, sat out and Im not sute if were gonna win!

Heather

I swear I am about to rip out my hair. I got the most points in the whole hunt and WE STILL LOST. I GOT FOR OVER HALF MY TRIBES POINT. I AM PISSED AND AM ABOUT TO STRANGLE A BITCH BUT THIS BITCH GOTTA BE SWEET.

5/26

Aundra

"So QuilLynn is my new favorite person i mean they kinda already were but like now it official because the feeling are both ways and i could be happier on other news we lost immunity again and im pretty surprised at how close it came down to right now it votes are between Sarah and Samuel. Sarah's apart of the winners alliance so i doubt they'll want to vote her out which i kinda do because im looking at the bigger picture. winners are very intimidating to me and the more there are in the game the scarier im going to be. this round shouldn't result in me going home if the odds are in my favor. ( also if you couldnt understand my wonderfull story sorry that it had alot of typos)                                                                                     xoxo, gossip girl      P.s. I know that its going to be revealed pretty obvious who gossip girl is when these get posted but it so fun to sign off everything with it so your gonna have to live with it.  "

Chris Stoner

Nothing much.  We keep winning which is nice. Gives me some time to find an alliance. I still feel pretty isolated because of my schedule. It’s hard to talk to ppl. I’m sure I’m the easy boot. So maybe a swap will come soon 

Dan

So I feel like I’m personally in a good spot even though we keep losing. I’m on good terms with basically everyone left. Duncan offered me an out of the winners alliance that won’t effect any of my relationships with them. I guess Aundra accidentally leaked the winners alliance to Duncan thinking he was a winner, but Duncan and I talked things out and all is good. I was aligned with him before them and I explained it was a one week kinda thing for me personally to make sure a winner didn’t go home first. So now we have a target of Aundra bc he done goofed haha. Byeeee

Luke

Hi nothing is happening because we won immunity woo! i have some seaglass which is cute so i look forward to using that WOO! Aren made himself a target by not submitting which makes me sad but Julia is basically inactive so I lowkey hope we vote her out first looool 

Sammy

ahh okay so I’m super tired and like I’m flying to California and I have been up for over 24 hours...ANYWAY I did what I could in the scavenger hunt and I think some people didn’t really try. I’m just in so many games but like the problem is I forget I apply for them and I’m like uh oh. I think aundra is going home tonight but at the same time it could be me because I haven’t talked to anyone. I’m trying to find a good balance between the way I played in Alcatraz and the way i played in Lago and hopefully make it far!! 

Ruthie

So I’m really sad that a few people didn’t participate in the selfie hunt but I am happy that so many people did and even more happy that we’re safe another week! I suspect that we’re going to swap tribes soon though which is kind of frightening!! 

Quil

So this is a MESS. Aundra “accidnetally” leaked the winners chat to Duncan. Now I LOVE Aundra but this has made him the target. I’ve been trying my best to help with damage control but people still want to vote him!!! I’m trying to push to get Duncan out because I like just don’t trust him, idk UGH. 

Duncan

its round two and im going home because i worked all day and wasn't able to contribute to the challenge at all rip. I trust that Sammy, Samuel, and Dan wouldn't vote me out but if Aundra teams up with the girls and gets them to vote for me I'm donezo. Aundra leaked the winners chat thing and has basically ghosted me all day and I appreciated their story the first round but if they want me out he can go. Dan told me that Quil and Dana were going back and forth about voting out me or Aundra and if I am safe tonight?? Thank god for Dan. That man can do magic. I just want to spend some more time on the island but i don't know if I'm gonna last in these conditions tbh. The game has only just started and to go home now in round two would be like going to orlando but not going to disney world. Like I want to ride space  mountain so badly, i dont want to go.

5/27

Duncan

Okay so a lot of shit happened. Firstly Samuel got med evacd from the game this canceling tribal council. Like that’s crazy, I really liked him and wanted to work with him but his dog passed so he might be in a funk and I just hope he’s not depressed and he’s doing okay at this point. Now at the same time this could’ve been a blessing or a curse. If everyone was lying to me and I was going out the door then this was a blessing and I’ve been given a second life. As for if aundra was leaving? Then this is a curse. But who can never be sure besides the hosts I suppose. Then we get told to drop our buffs. Drop these buffs honey? I’ll drop more than just this buff honey! Ohhhhh hooooooonnnneeeeeyyyyyy! So yeah! I’ll talk more about my new tribe later 

5/28

Tim

Im really vibing with everyone on my tribe all of them are really neat. The person I've bonded least with is Dana unfortunately.

Carson

HALF OF MY FUCKING TRIBE DIDNT SUBMIT... THE CLOWNS HAVE JUMPED OUT. I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I SPENT THE TIME I SHOULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING ON THESE PEOPLE. I JUST WANT TO MERGE SO I CAN PLAY WITH LUKE AND WE CAN COWIN AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

Aundra

"Idk if I already said this but I was probably going to be voted out because of how I told Duncan about the alliance on accident so he and Samuel decide to try to get me out idk if I would’ve stayed if Samuel didnt get med evac because he didn’t vote lmao what a dummy. We had swap which was nice mainly because I got to stay with most of the people in cool with include my allstars bff QuilLynn and Tim now!!! Happy that he and I can work together this time instead of directly against eachother I really like this tribe as a whole really and see good things going for us till we make merge which I feel will be soon do to the amount of people getting evacuated. What’s up with all these allstars being flops?                                    Xoxo, gossip girl "

Jay

I'm so sad that Julia is gone but that's okay bc I have a new alliance. Honestly I made 0 bonds with anyone on my original tribe other than Julia, Chris, and Tim. So once I joined this tribe I immediately went to Sarah and Duncan and said I wanted to work with them. Which I mean, it's half true. I want to work with Duncan far into the game, but Sarah needs to go sooner rather than later. So my thought is I want to take out Madison or Trixie, doesn't matter to me. And then MAYBE try to see if I could take out Sarah the next time. She doesn't have to go that soon but if I can make it happen, I'd like it to happen.

Dan

I’m so pissed I wasted so much time and energy on that stupid ass game for nothing!!! I love life rn, couldn’t be happier (: 

5/29

Dana

Nothing is happening. I like Dan more than I thought he would and we made a cute alliance chat. 

Tim

Rip Aren also me, Aundra, and Quilynn might become a thing!!

Ruthie

"real life is SO overwhelming right now, i thought the summer would give me more time but it's... quite the opposite these days!  As far as the game goes I am SO glad that our tribe is safe and that we don't have to see tribal for another week.  I think it was SO lucky too hehe.

I've really connected a lot with Duncan, right now he's the person I would say I'm the closest to! "

Aundra

"Guess who found a hidden item!!? MEEE!! I found the magnifying glass which many already know allows me to see who someone voted for. This will definitely come on handy if there is a suspected rat and I got to find them hopefully this isn’t the only thing I find on my walks away from camp. Watch out cause I got eyes everywhere lol                                     Xoxo, gossip girl "

Quil

the new pokemon games look so cute!!! Also love Aundra and Tim, trying to set up a side alliance with them that can take out the other winners down the line! Honestly if I make merge with the right people, we might be looking at my 3rd win folks!

Luke

My new tribe is actually pretty lit now. We’ve bonded by being the hosts’ favourites and winning two challenges! Same can’t be said for the other flops. I want to make an OG Bernard alliance with Carson and Chris to secure my spot in this game and make sure I’m not voted out before another swap. I need to be reunited with my friends!

5/30

Chris Stoner

So swap happened! I def feel swapfucked. 3/5 ppl on my tribe were on opposite sides as me in past games. The fourth person, heather, probably knows at least one of those 3 and will just go with them for an easy vote. Luckily we won and I did a lot in the challenge so I hope that keeps me around. I need another swap or merge... my days are limited with this tribe. 

5/31

Dan

I’m so over these creative challenges. I rarely have time for them which sucks because I’d have time for challenges that are more typical. You know damn well we won’t end up producing anything of substance, Heather’s tribe will submit something oscar worthy, and we’ll be going back to tribal 

Ruthie

My tribe... once again has not stated anything yet. I feel like this is gonna be another mess 

Sammy

nothing insane is going on but like we have a lip sync challenge and I’m not home yet so this sucks hahah, I’m glad that we are doing good as a tribe and honestly everyone seems to be super kind and nice about everything. So we def have good tribe dynamics. I really enjoy playing with heather this time because in lago we were kind of against each other. I’m hoping we can work more together this game and I also hope me and Carson could work well. Oh and Luke, he puts off really good vibes and I click with him well.

Ruthie

I REALLY hope my tribe gets their act together this time around. Friday is... tomorrow. 

Sarah

I hate my tribe they can all die in a pit of fire...that is all

Quil

"https://youtu.be/vis4R2MfzNA xoxo"

6/1

Duncan

Umm so we tribe swapped and MY TRIBE SUCCS EGGS!! it’s me and Sarah with jay, ruthie, trixie, and Madison. Ironically despite how inactive our tribe is we have the most members at this point in time. Julia got med evacd after the reward challenge and after the last immunity challenge, which we did not even attempt to complete, we learned the other tribe had forfeited the challenge and decided to have their tribal that night. We’re blessed as fuck to be ahead of the game right now but luck can’t last forever. We have had three days to do this movie trailer challenge but no one is ever on. I threw a while fucking idea and script out there but nothing ever came of it. If I go home because of my tribe’s inability to come together I’m gonna have a bitch fit

Sammy

literally like i keep suggesting things or asking questions and nobody responds I’m so annoyed. The only one that even responds to me some is heather...i really hope we win the challenge or i could be going home:/

Ruthie

So Madison and I just did the whole trailer by ourselves and Madison is doing 95% of the work, my lines took less than 5 minutes to film what the heck is the rest of our tribe doing 

Tim

It appears as if QuilLynn has gone inactive and our tribe isn't going to submit which is sad! Just send me to final 3 tbh. Also our trailer had a cute concept ngl.

Olivia

REMEMBER THIS DAY AS THE DAY QUIL TURNED IN THE VIDEO LITERALLY 30 SECONDS BEFORE THE DEADLINE AND RIGHT BEFORE WE WERE GOING TO NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING FROM THE TRIBE BC THEY DIDNT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION 

Carson

Heather is the proud owner of my wig whew

Aundra

"Guess who isn't going to tribal for the first time since the game started!!?? MEEE finally i dont have to try and vote out someone and make sure that im safe from getting voted. tbh i really like my tribe and would've hated to have to vote someone off i would really enjoying playing with all of them once we make merge if there are people left in the game to make merge with. these people are being such flops and not submitting confessional or voting its almost like what was the point of saying yes to playing the game. if only we had some real players in the game so i could be stressed and depressed /                                                                                                xoxo, gossip girl P.s. i know im not a girl but i can understand why someone would sign off with it its fun typing xoxo it makes me feeling like i run something lmaoo"

6/2

Stoner

. I’ve never gone to tribal yet this game and I want to keep it like that. I have a feeling the second I go to tribal I’m gone. Unless I merge. If I make merge I’ll have some more options and places to run and hide. I’ve tried talking to people and forming bonds but it’s just not working. 

Trixie

"Trixie's Alcatraz Confessional Strike Receipt #2

[2018-01-31, 5:16:08 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): Hello you have not yet made a confessional this round! Pls do that!

[2018-01-31, 5:17:33 PM] Trixie Stale-Werthers: im so sorry the link isn’t working for me

[2018-01-31, 5:17:48 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): Sure jan

[2018-01-31, 5:18:19 PM] Trixie Stale-Werthers: im so sorry but something really bad is about to happen and there’s nothing i can do to stop it

[2018-01-31, 5:18:41 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): can u not [2018-01-31, 5:18:48 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): Can u just make a damn confessional

Heather

"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXmXsntB4RM

This was earlier BUT EVERYONE STEPPED UP AND WE WON THAT SHIT HEHEHE"

Luke

AW THE MOVIE TRAILER CHALLENGE WAS SO CUTE IT WAS SO FUN SEEING OUR TRAILER AND WE ALL INPUTTED SO IT WAS ICONIC! I love the Bernard tribe we work really well together and have won every challenge thus far. The other tribes are messy and have big players on them so it’s going to be interesting to see who leaves tonight. Maybe a winner? That’d be shookening. Although I do like this tribe I’d love a swap or something, there’s never much wiggle room on a tribe as small as this but for now I’m content. Still need to work on that Carson/Chris/Luke alliance. Nothing much else to update on. Happy pride! ^.^ 

Dan

We won woo love life no one talks to me

Carson

We surprisingly killed that challenge after waiting until the last possible minute to start it. I’ve been really impressed with how my tribes stepped up after the reward fiasco a few rounds ago. It’s definitely nice not having to go to tribal, so not swapping would be best for me. I’m still tight with luke and plan on being so for the rest of the game. We’ve already talked about hooking up with the other great lakers come merge. After that, world domination!

Jay

I'm getting voted out it was fun while it lasted i guess :/

6/5

Sammy

woo okay so my tribe is doing so good and I’m so happy because if we lose immunity i know that me and heather don’t have the numbers....I’m hoping i make it to atleast jury. Alsooo i just did my maze and it went really well. Yayyyy, okay yes.

6/6

Carson

"So... is no one trying at these challenges? I'm really shocked that I'm actually dominating every single one of these. I normally do well in challenges, but I've performed better than i ever have before. Its definitely because i'm worried about my place on this tribe. Being that we havent gone to tribal yet, there aren't solidified alliances. I've also had no one start a conversation with me. The conversations I've started with people have never lead to any sort of alliance building either. It makes me believe that I could try to be blindsided because I'm the strongest in challenges and that the merge is on the horizon. I wouldn't put it past these people honestly. I know I have luke in my corner, but stoner is a huge wildcard to me, especially since he's both saved me and burned me in the past. We had a weird relationship in Alcatraz, and it makes me hesitant to trust him in this game.

Also I asked Luke the round where he got caught searching if he wanted to work together with me to find the idol. His response was yes, however nothing has transpired from it. Ive sent him my search route once, but he never reciprocated by telling me the routes he's done since he went many times before I even tried. He probably already has it honestly, which is fine, I just wish he would be honest with me about it."

Tim

Woo we won!!! I CAN RELAX

Sarah

I hate hate my tribe pt 4

Quil

So im in a good spot still, I'm literally queen of this series, but trixies tribe lost again and she's probably going home and I swear i'm going to be so pissed if i lose a jury vote rn because of that fatass tribe of rejects! (idk who is on it tbh but still!!!)

Heather

WOO Another immunity and reward. We stan the Bernard tribe. Even tho Carson basically won the flash game. King of flash games. I kinda hope another swap is happening soon but at the same time our tribe is doing fine with challenges soo hehe. 

Luke

wow hello i forgot about this omg.... we won immunity and reward again that's so amazing! Bernard tribe has been killing it but it's been boring, i need a change of scenery. i need to meet up with my friends again and kill this game and WIN i really want to fucking win oh my lord please let me win 

Madison

IT's boring af! I want to pick this shit up! Tribals have been easy! I want to be SPOOKED! Put me on a tribe with people that hate me or something I want DRAMA. 

In addition to my last confession, I'd love for someone to call me a fake feminist right about now. Do you think Sarah will since we're voting her out? 

6/7

Dan

"Literally so shocked we won. I’m not surprised I did well, but like I was so worried others wouldn’t turn it out. I thought we were getting a one way ticket to tribal, but I guess my tribe is a little more iconic than I thought.

I might actually try to talk to people today???? Idk haha I’m just so pretty and can’t be bothered"

Duncan

Like I said! Our tribe succcccs really bad!! Madison and I and ruthie get to choose which of Sarah and trixie go home. Either way is going to be pissing someone off. Hopefully we make the right decision because I feel a swap coming on

Tim

Fuck my game with this swap huh.

Aundra

"Feet don’t fail me now take me to the finish line I feel so alone on this Thursday thanks to lady O and Cam I think I need wine. ANOTHER SWAPP WHYYYY  my tribe was like the best people ever and we worked very well together now I’m with a group of people I’ve never meet which means I have to sit around and talk to them all to get to know them. This is horrible to me 1) I’m a lunatic and going crazy because I’m hella overwhelmed over the last day of school 2) I don’t really want to work with all these people and will more than likely be an outsider because I know NOBODY on this tribe 3) the only person I think I might know looks like Miranda Cosgrove and she’s allegedly super great at everything and multitalented soon to be governor of some state in America. I literally can not. IM SEPARATED FROM MY NEW GAME BFF QUILLYNN we haven’t really talked in awhile but when your tribe is safe you don’t really have to talk plus we’ve all been kinda busy but that’s besides the fact they err my ride or die along Tim IM AWAY FROM MY BFF TEEM I pretty sure Cam and Olivia hate me but you know what they say the devil can work but Normani works harder                                   Xoxo gossip goat "

Dan

Mcscuse me???? Under construction? You know my ass is Charlie Day-ing this shit searching the blog for things. I'm officially crackdt. 

6/10

Tim

Now I now more about Maine than myself. Lmao but we won woo!!

Quil

Just another day of me being the most iconic winner! Kinda sad Sarah got taken out but, at the same time its one step closer to my 3rd win!

Aundra

"So we’re voting Stoner out my favorite person on my tribe tbh i vibe with him and he’s cool the rest of these people ain’t all that and a bag a chips. I have to sit around and lie to him and say Duncan is the vote when ik that he’s the vote which makes me feel horrible because being blindsided is never fun I lowkey hope I’m getting blindsubwvaus the cast is basically full of the the people that could never and winners and the winner seem over it they’re trash in a way like come on people this is an allstar season and you sit around like your here just to be here at least act like you signed up to play and weren’t forced that’s really all I got to say so here’s to me bein a bad friend and to me possibly getting voted out!                                   Xoxo gossip goat"

Luke

"My new tribe was a disaster at first but now everybody wants a bite of this english muffin :~)

I have Dan I have Trixie I have Madison and Duncan as a threeway

Ugh my mind"

Duncan

I don’t know what’s happening. It’s been a stressful week irl and idk why I’m playing a game rn. I’m probably going home but I’ve heard stoner as the vote so that’s what I did. If I die hopefully my daughter Madison thrives 

Heather

Wooo Tim and I did that kahoot. I thought a tribe swap would mean I would lose for the tribe tbh. 

Dan

This vote seemed way too easy tbh. Did I want a comeback story arc with Stoner? I mean kinda? But like he’s also straight and it’s pride month so he gotta get the boot sis. This all could be an elaborate scheme to get me out but in all reality it’s a waste bc I’m so busy in my real life that I pay an ounce of attention to this. (To clarify I do care about this game I just had a super busy weekend full of social events and you know that this boy doesn’t ever have a social life so he had to take advantage of it!!!!)

Ruthie

"I'm SO glad that the people on my tribe are good at challenges! I hope I can do something with the next one so I can show that I'm useful and not just taking up space on the beach bahah!  

I have no idea what will happen tonight but we'll see!  I don't think that there will be another swap anytime soon. "

6/11

Heather

We most certainly do not stan this upcoming one world. No we most certainly do not.

Dan

I love rigging my random.org so Dana is safe. Gotta look out for my winners after Sarah's messy ass left haha. But seriously random.org picked her. I think Heather and Tim will be a little annoyed that I didn't pick someone from Lago, but if they ask I literally have screenshot proof that I randomized it to be fair with a time stamp so like they can calm down. And if one of them goes, oh well??? I really hope merge is next. I feel like this game is going by so quickly, I am forever thankful for that. 

Aundra

"A tribal twist that I really like but both robes are gonna to tribal I think tonight or tomorrow idk I haven’t been paying attention and am more of a mess than normal I really wish I was working with my peeps and not with these randos that are probably going to vote me out which sucks but hopefully I’ll make jury given that we get to go to tribal second it’s all about the motion of the ocean                                   Xoxo gossip goat "

6/12

Tim

Damn it I thought I had a good score in immunity but I lost :////. Congrats Carson and Dan i guess lol but comp beasts can choke (in the game that is). Dana and uhhh someone else is safe so hsbdd. Yeah so the plan is to stick with Quil, Dana, and Carson so ya!

Quil

Idk if im going home or not. Dan is dead to me for not giving me immunity!!! Ruthie better be leaving or yikes

Tim

So it looks like Ruth is dying because of this ugly twist!!! But hey atleast its not someone active.

Luke

"YES YES YES CARSON CAME THROUGH FOR ME AND HE GAVE ME IMMUNITY I'M SO FREAKING HAPPY. This just proves that the relationships I'm making in this game are working to my benefit and are keeping me safe and I could not be happier right now. This tribal council is a difficult one. I like everybody on my tribe but I said I'd work with Madison and Duncan, I said I'd work with Dan, I said I'd work with Trixie which leaves Aundra as really my only option to vote. It sucks because I like Aundra a lot but they don't really talk to me or anybody and it's getting to the point where if you don't try, you gotta go...

I'm expecting a merge after this tribal council because we'll be at 11 (I think ) which is perfect for a merge. I can meet up with Quil, Trixie and Dana, I can get back with Carson and also utilise my relationship with Madison/Duncan. I think I'm gonna make it far providing I play this game smart WOOOO O"

Sammy

ugg okay so I’m on a tribe with everyone that i like so making this decision is gonna be so hard:/ I’ve heard Ruthie tho imso im just gonna go with it....

Madison

"Me: throws immunity

Also me: feels like everyone is sketchy and that I’m probably going home this week.

Am I mad? Not particularly. "

Aundra

"Guess who’s probably going home! Me!! NOBODIES saying anything to me about a vote everyone is “lost” and i think I’m voting Trixie no need to keep dead wieght on our tribe and if these people vote me out they’re idiots complete dummy’s for keeping people that won’t work with them and can’t contribute to the tribe stupid people do stupid things                                   Xoxo gossip goat"

6/13

Tim

I MADE MERGE WOOOO

6/14

Luke

"Hello well all of the conversations about this game spicing up at merge were true because this cast is fucking CRACKEDT and I have no idea what's going on. I'm in an alliance with Duncan, Madison and Dan... Quillynn, Trixie and Dana expect me to vote with them so I'm kinda stuck between two threesomes but Dan wants to talk to me privately in a few about something and I think it's about the same thing I wanna talk to him about. It's about us being STUCK because we're expected to vote a certain. All I know is my name hasn't been brought up so that's good.

After this round, depending on which way to go I want to work with the group I don't betray, Dan and Carson. I think it'd be smart of me. I just need to talk with Dan before we decide what's going on. Will keep you posted. "

Duncan

I might go home because Tim has the fattest mouth on the block. I was hoping for some black guy magic but I just don’t think it’s in the cards. I think one of us will go home and do I know why he chooses the karringtons over the rest of us? No. Also I haven’t really done shit strategically this game and have barely been around socially idk how I’m stil here. Over jay Sarah stoner and aundra? I don’t know how he does it. Maybe if I do nothing in every game I’ll be guaranteed merge. I just don’t get why people are coming after me. You’re not going to like hearing it but sometimes I forget I’m in this game. I’m just now getting my feet game wise but apparently I can’t go in the kiddy look without enduring a shark attack 

Dan

Honestly I’m really happy that my name wasn’t thrown around this vote it’s a hot ass mess and I’m aligned with too many people

Heather

"This round is a mess. Heres what happened Madison wanted Isle of Skye Alliance Her me and Tim make said alliance I get busy and cant message and only do 12 stones for immunity thinking imma lose I win cuz everyones dead Quil wants to gun for Duncan Madison and I wanna gun for Quil Tim does what he always does in games and snakes Quil confronts me I lie I tell Duncan we should gun for Tim NO ONE IS TELLING ME WHO THEY VOTING WJDJSHD"

Carson

God this round was kind of a hot mess for me. So my main concern going into the merge is not being a target. I knew coming into the merge people would see me as a threat based on my performance in challenges. So my first order of business was to throw the immunity challenge since I would still be among other challenge threats (luke and dan) if I don’t win. Next, I made sure I was still good with my alliance of quil, Dana, and Tim. Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s best for me to continue with that alliance. So I went ahead and made a side alliance with Duncan. I view him as a HUGE threat to win, but i feel better going to the end with him knowing I can beat him in immunity challenges. My old alliance is full of wildcards. So at this point, I’m pretty much aligned with everyone, which is both terrifying and exciting. I have been on tribes with Sammy and heather for the past few rounds. Luke and I are super close. I have a new alliance with Duncan that was formed to redeem ourselves from Alcatraz. Dan and Madison are allies of Luke and Duncan respectively, so I need to work on my social connection with them bc jury management. I’m starting to see a path to the finals, but more on that next round. I need to go run errands!!

Madison

Do I lowkey hope they flipped the vote on me and I go? yes. at least then someone will have made a move!!

6/15

Sammy

okay so so so I’m at camp and i feel like I’m missin so much stuff happening in the game. But I’m with quill and Dana....however Carson and Duncan want to work with me. BUT Duncan and Quill are against each other-_- why does this always happen to me.....

6/16

Duncan

I think it’s bananas that Tim went home. Well, not really, he broke peoples trust within the first round of merge. You can’t do that. I feel like no one is really playing the game rn besides like Madison and I love her but if I still have a shot to win, even though I’ve done retroactively nothing in this game, I’m still going to go for the W. So if I don’t go home tonight, expect me to start my cocaine drug abuse problem that I had in Alcatraz. Last time I was here for Mitch, this time im here for me. So once I start being active, it’s all over

Madison

"OKAY TEA. Trixie is literally voting however I’m voting bc she’s gonna be gone I’m CACKLING I LITERALLY HAVE A DOUBLE VOTE! WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!!!

Idk who I want gone. If I go that’s cute too like it’s jury who cares but this is hilarious. Idols make me a little nervy but idk. "

Dan

"I'm so yikes over this vote rn. Like I knew I was aligning myself all over the place, but I wasn't expecting to have to pick a side. Quil basically confirmed today to Luke that votes would be public tonight, which makes this even worse bc I have to own my shit. I'm hoping that Madison doesn't freak the fuck out when she realizes she is really on the bottom. This is what she gets for Mongolia tbh. I turned over a new leaf with her for Lago and now it's my turn to snake. I'm gonna tell her Duncan is going at like 9:50 tonight if she has some advantage or something cute to save him, but like I just also feel like shit???

I don't especially trust Quil, but I need her in front of me bc she'll always be a bigger threat. I know I need to flip on her eventually, but with Quil gone, the drama is gone, the target is gone, and I'm a sitting duck.

Also peep the white gays killing all the POCs, I'm literally disgusted. "

Madison

WHEW okay so I knew the vote was going to flip obviously I’m not an idiot. so this is either going to work and make it seem like I’m on the bottom OR it’s gonna make them all flip and vote me out next round and that works too so. woohoo

6/17

Olivia

Dan searched the trails and found 1/3 idol. Luke searched at practically the same time but like with a 30 second delay. Both went down the EXACT same path. Luke lost the idol by like 20 seconds it was wild. 

6/20

Dan

"I just scrolled 8 miles through the chat to find this yikes.

Honestly like if I go home this round it’s cool and whatever but I just feel like I’m great spot??? Luke showing his cards last week put the target on his back. Of fucking course he had to win immunity bc I didn’t have time to play Casanova, but like I feel like Sammy can go. I’m in 2 strong groups of three and Dana is my number one. I’m just proud I’m getting at least 7th in an all stars season where I’m coming in as a winner. "

6/21

Dan

"Wow so uh I got played huh. That’s what I get for being confident, thanks Demi!!! I just wish that someone clued me in on the Quillynn vote. Like yes I had been working with her, yes she was a big threat, but yes I would have gladly voted her ass out. She would have easily won if she got to the end just bc she’s a 2 time winner.

I did message Heather and Luke and said I would have gone along with the plan if I had known about it so hopefully they believe me bc that’s the honest truth. I really need to do some damage control with Sammy as well. The only reason I voted him was because no one gave me another alternative. I’m definitely not gonna win this game ugh. But again I’m happy that I made at least top 6 in an all stars game coming in as a winner. "

6/24

Dan

"Oh hey it’s me, Lago Dan, here to make an immunity run bc like I feel like I would have been next. I wouldn’t be surprised at all of Dana/Trixie/Luke team up against me and Sammy but also I really want to hope that Luke and Dana will go with the winners to the end mentality. I just realistically don’t see a winner winning if it’s not 3 winners at the end. The jury is fucking bitter bc it’s an all stars season and their entitled asses are just gonna have to get over it.

Realistically I don’t see me having many big moves on my resume besides the Heather vote last round. I think Heather needed to go because she really called the shots at the live Tribal with her vote and she’s someone that is likebale to the jury. This game I tried to get all the lago people out because none of them want me at the end again. The next to go in theory is sammy but I think I might try to give Trixie the boot tbh. Sammy is someone who could win final immunity, but let’s be real the kid lives at camp rn or some shit so maybe he won’t even show up again.

I really wanted to try to have a game with a bit more complexity than my first game but I think I ended up playing pretty similarly. This time I tried to hold off before winning comps and now look at me I’m slaying. But socially I think I faultered a few times in this game and I’m ready to face that bitter af jury"

6/27

Dan

This could very well be my last night in the game and it's super bittersweet. I hate that it's coming down to this fricken comp. I can't figure some things out because some things never got posted on the blog.... *EYES CAMERON AND OLIVIA FROM ACROSS THE ROOM* but anywho, Dana isn't giving me a straight answer about what's going on with everything and I just wanna die. Like Sammy told me he didn't do the comp, which is cool and will self vote to force the tie and then throw fire making, so like now that this confessional has taken a turn for the better I think I'm good (: hehehehehehheehhehehehee. I love being a two time winner (hopefully)

#donttaketherocks