#but something about these characters makes me feel insanity ive never felt before

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

ok im loosing my mind at this theory? canon connection? from twitter

1.2 spoilers/theories / luocha companion quest mentions / leaks(?)

i was ALSO under the assumption that dan feng is dead and dan heng is just a Fucked Up On Purpose reincarnation of himself. but these TWO screenshots fuck it all up

(apparently this was data mined from the game and hasn't been deleted but im unsure if its 1.3 leaks for imbibitor lunae's companion mission or not)

and this is just a screenshot from Luocha's companion mission where March is talking about a novel that has a molting/de-aging story beat and said novel is a main focus throughout the mission

the clear use of "molting" is. super telling especially since Luocha is a follower of the abundance and has unclear motives on the Luofu that havent come to light yet compared to Dan Feng's gay gay homosexual gay immortality sin

and boy does hyv like to drop hints like this in the patches leading up A Big Reveal

this makes the lore EVEN MORE complicated than it already WAS trying to figure out whats going between these two(?) characters and if Dan Feng was actually just de-aged its honestly So Much More Tragic than just Dan Feng dying because Dan Heng IS Dan Feng. Blade ISN'T as delusional in thinking they're the same person, though Dan Heng isn't trying to gaslight gatekeep girlboss by pretending not to know Blade because he GENUINELY doesn't. Dan Feng isn't dead, Dan Feng just doesn't exist anymore in the capacity that his loved ones can remember . And it hurts SO much more.

This also explains why Jing Yuan was acting so fucking insensitive to Dan Heng in the 1.2 trailblaze mission. Jing Yuan is a long-life species and not a stranger to the death of people around him, he is familiar with the Vidyadhara reincarnation cycles & him repeatedly referring to Dan Heng as Dan Feng is unwarranted and not in character IF Dan Feng is actually dead. If Dan Feng was de-aged & grows into being Dan Heng that throws a huge fucking wrench in the already messy & convoluted Vidyadhara reincarnation. His friend did not die and move on to their next incarnation that is to be expected of Vidyadhara, Dan Feng NEVER died but his existence was so altered to the point that his death would have been kinder

bonus me trying to explain to my non-hsr friend this shit;

#fool talks hsr #honkai star rail #dan heng #imbibitor lunae #dan feng #jing yuan #blade hsr #renheng #i dont tend to write theories or lore speculation like this at all #but something about these characters makes me feel insanity ive never felt before #so ig ill make a tag for future lore talks #pls be nice to me and my spelling/grammar im neurodivergent and never learned how to spell fDSJFDSF #yappin

[closetsof-backlogged-dreams]

opinions on morgwen

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHDSJFH;DAJKSDJ

hot take of the day: morgwen, when looking at just the plot and its existing holes, actually makes more sense than merthur

ik!! ik!! outrageous. proposterous. INSANITY. but morgwen would actually ASSIST in fixing my biggest problem with the entire series, the biggest hole in morgana's very holey character arc: her hatred for arthur.

ive actually talked about this before, in this post:

"for example, when morgana began to hate arthur and want him dead and stuff—that development came out of nowhere. for the entire series up until that point, she had loved and cared for him. now, all of the sudden, she wants him dead?? now, it had made sense for uther. he had done terrible things to morgana and could very clearly see the line between her love and hate for him. you could to watch her tip-toe along it in real time until she began plotting his murder. that arc made sense. but arthur? there was no point where we saw arthur do anything that would make her hate him the way she did. he was just randomly lumped together with uther as another pendragon she had to kill to get the throne. but, again, it doesn't make sense! she never lumped them together. in the episode To Kill the King, morgana directly compares arthur and uther by telling him that, 'You're a better man than your father. Always were.' again, she never lumped them together! yet, later on, that's exactly what she does."

expanding on the beginning of that quote: in my opinion, this is what a character arc should look like: (and behold, the reason this ask took me a hundred years to answer... a CHART (made by moi))

^that is a very basic idea of a character arc, when a person starts one way and ends in another, all because of different inciting incidents forcing them to change. a slightly more complex version of this will look a little like this:

In this one, there is a very clear "Point B" where you can see that they've changed—that there is still more change to come, but that they have grown. this is how Morgana's character arc is shaped. in season two, you can very clearly see that Point B, and it's actually why it's my favorite season of Morgana's character development. season two showcases her gradual downfall as she struggles being a sorceress in the center of Camelot as Uther's own ward. everything you see her feel and struggle with feels very real.

season three is when it all starts to go awry. we obviously know that this is the season that she reaches that horrible Point C, when her character arc is complete and she turns into that wretched villainess we all know and love.

the issue with this is that there is a very important checklist-style of things she needs to believe in order to turn into this person:

✅find out about her magic

✅hate Uther

✅meet Morgause and believe in her goals

✅hate Arthur

i fully believe that she would not and could not change into the person she became without hating Arthur, because that was why she wanted to take the throne—she believed that both Pendragons couldn't be trusted to repeal the magic ban, and would continue the endless cycle of genocide. if she still cared about Arthur, still had faith in him, then she wouldn't have been so desperate to be crowned queen.

do i think that Morgana's faith in him was already wavering? absolutely. but i also believe that something HUGE had to happen to shatter her faith in him entirely. what could have been one of the best ways to do this?

eating away at her affections for him, slowly, with one or two issues before wiping out every good feeling she has ever felt for him with one big incident. how does morgwen tie into this, though?

it's simple: make arthur and gwen's relationship very obvious to morgana. force her to encounter it often. make her uncomfortable, because SHE loves gwen, has always loved gwen, and now her brother who spent years not even knowing who she was is supposedly in love with her?? that would be enough to eat away at anyone's affection for their brother. morgana wasn't stupid. she figured out their relationship very quickly, and was obviously disgusted with the idea. BUILD on that disgust. and then, once its obvious morgana is heart-wrenchingly jealous of arthur, make arthur do something stupid or harmful towards magic. shatter morgana's faith in him.

it would work so perfectly!! everything would fall into place!! all those weird plot holes surrounding morgana's downfall would make a million times more sense. imagine really only loving two people in the world: your best friend, your maidservant, the love of your life and your childhood friend, your ever-lasting nuisance, your brother. imagine them both falling in love while you can only watch helplessly. that's a perfect villian origin story, paired with uther's abuse, morgause's manipulation, and her own alienation from the people around her.

so, i know this was a lot, and took me a hundred million YEARS to respond to, but i'm literally so passionate about this its not even funny. if you want me to expand on anything or if you have any questions, please let me know!!! i love talking about this part of the show:)

#morgwen #merlin #bbcm #bbc merlin #merthur #arthur pendragon #morgana pendragon #gwen merlin #gwen pendragon #merlin bbc #merlin emrys #uther pendragon

[too-much-sunshine]

Finished the most recent chapter, and as an aroacespec person myself, I was so comforted by the slow and natural progression you've given Scar and Grians relationship in this. I'm inclined to physical affection myself, and that's something frequently excluded in pairings that people write as aroace/qpr adjacent. A lot of times they're always considered strictly romantic, but the way you've written this feels so right in the sense of Queerplatonic, as you mentioned you intended originally in the notes. I just wanted to say thank you for that! Reading how they hold each other and comfort one another (wont go into detail, as to not spoil ch26 for anyone reading this) just clicks in a way that's Their Connection, and it doesn't feel like it's trying to or needs to be anything else. It's so content, and it makes me feel so warm to see that in a fic with two characters I resonate with a lot.

Not to mention the plot- omg, I've been fawning over it all week! My favorite moment I think is definitely the kitchen scene with Iskall and Scars little standoff- the visual was so sassy and queer from Scars end, it just made me cackle to no end I absolutely loved the attitude. But really, I try not to theorize too much when reading stories that way every turn feels like a huge shock, and this fic keeps my attention so well I didn't even have the chance to, I was far too busy enjoying every little flair of dialogue and fluid change of scenario. I literally gasped and yelled "OH /SHIT/" aloud multiple times, I'm not embarassed to say it. There are so many details you kept so quaint and innocent at the beginning, I never even questioned them until their importance later on!

This story has been absolutely, insanely, phenomenally fun to read, and I can't wait to see where you take things next. I've been planning my own fic for ages, and reading something like this has really inspired me to pick up my pages and keep going. I hope you have a wonderful day, and that you have a lot of fun working on the rest of the story! I know I'm dying to read the next chapter whenever you feel it's right to show, and others will be too :).

Much love!

- minecraft-cake

OH MY GODS IM GONNA CRYYYY (/pos) TOO LATE I AM CRYINGGGG TTTTTTT AAAaaaa this means so much to me TTTT ASDFGHJK

Ive said it before, and I'll say it again: I started writing WOftL because I wanted to read something like it, but it hadnt been written. Not only in the superhero space (even tho I am a bit a whore for superhero fics UuU) but also just aspec wise. Im arospec/ace, and I just felt it wasnt being represented in a way the resonated with me!! So I wrote it myself <3

Im so glad that it resonates with others as well! I really hope that deciding to change the relationship romantic doesnt takes away from that! I feel like, personally, it doesnt change their background and their connection for each other. I certainly dont plan to have them act much differently then they do now lmaooo

Ommffggg you are so nicceee TTTTTT If Im forced to say one thing I'm proud of for this fic, i'd say the foreshadowing turned out much better then I expected lmaooo This is my first looongg fic, so I really happy with that turned out!! I have so much I can say about specific scenes and how they came to be in my brain!!! But for specifically Iskall and Scar, I loved how their little plot came out! Those two have History UuU

Thank you so much for reading and the kind wordsss!! This seriously made my whole week and its only monday!! Im so happy to have inspired you, and if your willing to share I would love to read your fic when you write it! I hoep you have a phenonial day, week, month, year and life bestie <3<3<3<3

#woftl #sunshinetalks #woftl spoilers #kinda? #Idk bestieee #Ugh everytime I worry abt a chapter it turns out being #fav so i think its time i start trusting myself #I say #knowing I wont #UuU #ASDfghjk you are still so nice #Im never getting over this ask #Im a gonner UuU

[ambalambs]

Back with another Miko question! I know Miko is a bard but does he like to play for others or does he play mostly for himself? What's his favorite instrument to play, can he play more than one? Do you have a playlist or any certain songs that you could see him playing (or playing a FFXIV version of, e.g. replacing names of places or gods with ones from XIV?)

Okay so this one is a bit complicated for me to answer I think cuz this is kinda a topic about Miko I get a little nervous about lol music is a huge part of his character and I always get a little worried I make this part of him a little dumb. But alas I'm just gonna, as they say, yolo this so enjoy lol

But yes yes yes! Miko loves playing for people! He will play for the sheer entertainment to get people into the music and dance or he'll just play to keep someone company. He doesnt mind and he's usually pretty good on judging the situation and what is appropriate. but he does also play for himself, yes. especially if he is a bit down, but he'll mostly just play cuz he can and its something to do and he likes it. he also hums a lot which might drive some people nuts but at least its pretty lol

His best instrument is his voice, of course xD but no really his favorite is the violin! I see miko being strangely skilled at picking up just about any instrument tbh. all he needs to do is listen and watch someone play it for a moment and he can easily just fall right in and follow along. like the morin khuur from the steppe i just see him having gone big eye zoomies on the people playing those at the time cuz he'd never seen them before and was itching to give them a try lol (tbh im kinda thinking his music skill is probably something he inherited from his azem. that guy was probably coming up with insane songbird concepts and shoving them at hythlodaeus and the poor guy would have to tell him to chill out lol) but miko leans more towards string instruments like the violin, harp, guitar. something about the quickness of the fingers and the violin having a bow tickles him cuz he also wields a bow in battle lol but he's always down to playing anything given the opportunity. but yeah okay this is long winded but if miko has to pick one instrument as his go to its a violin and his voice.

which okay now as for songs im gonna drop some links here and pray they dont break. i do have a playlist for him but its a mess of inspirations and random songs that just make me think of him and i feel kinda weird linking it so im just gonna pick out a few that are big inspirations for him. which first off miko has huge celtic violin/fiddle vibes so if youre ever curious what miko would just play offhand just look up any of that xD

a song that ive always felt is very HIM since the very beginning has been Andrew's Song by End of Silence. i can just always picture him singing something like this for some reason about his journey. it also kinda sounds like a younger miko, perhaps arr time when he's just starting off, which i like lol

next i kinda find lindsey stirling's violin style to be a big inspiration for him especially Between Twilight. this one is especially something he'd play on the violin just to play. not to perform or anything but just the natural miko music, if that makes sense lol

as for when playing other instruments i basically see him being like this and this where he can just basically use the whole instrument to make any kind of song or just play anything with ease. also really love the idea of him being so quick with a lot of them like that xD

now this is where i get a little embarrassed cuz i do actually have a singing voice claim for miko and its that peter hollens guy on youtube. which has the range and very disney prince-esque sound to it. i'll link his version of Sleepsong here for quick reference cuz i do really like that song as like an example of a lullaby his real mom wouldve sang to him when he was little. also speaking of lullabies with mom i like imagining The Song from Song of the Sea as basically what baby miko singing with his mom would be like lol

now as for some songs that i just especially associate with him as a little bonus here i think this version of Into the Unknown would basically be miko's pre-shadowbringers song he'd sing at the exarch if ffxiv was a musical LOL and then for rage miko (because he does have a deep anger in him i mean what wol doesnt? lol) definitely Burn by 2WEI. and lastly, just gonna toss this one out there too, but i really like this version of The Musician as like basically something maybe his Azem and Hydaelyn would sing to him as a prayer i dunno lol

but okay *wheezes* i hope that covers enough lol now im gonna hide in the shadows again >_>;

#omg pls you dont have to listen to all those links i got kinda carried away lol #but ive thought a lot about miko and his music #and just how much its ingrained in his very being #i really hope all those links work tho and the readmore works prays!! #anyway ty again for asking ;3; #miko jinjahl

[neroposting]

i cant stop thinking about jean-claude

i mean its typical nero behavior but i cant stop thinking about how this guy has affected me over the last few years and just how he generally makes me feel..

the way i started liking him was weird … i never really paid attention to him at all for the first little while i was in the flicker fandom… my first favourite character before i liked JC was jordan, and then it just suddenly changed??? like i INSTANTLY got this hyperfixation and i have no way of explaining how or why

this was also around the time i started to cosplay flicker characters on my roblox avatar (ive started doing that again) and he was the first one i bought

in the early times that i did that, i had some weird encounters… at this time half of the fandom was fucking SIMPING over jean-claude … oddly i dont think i ever did i just felt a very strong platonic love for this character, thats all i can say

(people really didnt care about my boundaries, i even told them!!)

but enough of that, this is about a character anyways.

being known as a jean-claude fan has gotten me sorta well known (i think.. maybe i just have friends, but seriously..)

jean-claude is a generally well liked character, i dont think ive seen a lot of people have a negative opinion on him, at the most ive seen like 2 people … it doesnt affect me much

ive been called the #1 fan and i think thats really something especially for a character that is well liked .. i thought there would be just a few people who were more insane than me but i guess not!!

flicker is a small fandom … i always underestimate myself, i thought there would be a lot of people claiming the #1 fan title…

ive always viewed myself as such a small thing in this big world of the internet, even a small fandom like flicker is something big to me, being known at all makes me doubt even more, im just doubting myself again …. but id like to thank everyone for making my time in this fandom enjoyable, even to the people who cant see this.. even the ones who disappeared.

#neroposting at its finest

[darkclouud9]

okay Secret Life's over and I've only watched Cleo and Skizz's finales.

but I wanna rank the seasons just bc.

Secret Life is honestly 1 for me. it had my favourite alliances yet, I loved the Cletho + Grian team (I refuse to call them 'Roomies'), the Heart Foundation was amazing, the Mounders were pretty cool, I actually really enjoyed Lizzie and Scar being alone, no matter how sad it was. Big Dogs were amazing actually, one of the best pairings, most fun base in all the seasons just off the top of my head :]

but I have to say. first half of the season was my absolute favourite. silly tasks, BigB gaslighting everyone, Lizzie, Mumbo, Jimmy alive, etc etc. it's probably up until the episode they die where it felt like it decreased in enjoyment for me. the zombie apocalypse task was ehhhh, the vibe was cool, very LL energy, but I overall didn't like it all that much (I understand and appreciate it still, but the whole cancelling out other tasks was sad :[)

the vibes of this finale seem... weird.

and you might say I have no place to say that, having only watched two finales and getting spoiled on who the winner is yet again, but I personally didn't enjoy it. everyone felt extremely rushed and fumbled so hard. Joel in particular on his Skizz kill. Cleo didn't get a chance to defend herself, and neither did Etho, and presumably Grian. all the group ups felt off to me. I feel like the Heart Foundation should've stuck more to Cletho + Grian, they all could've done a bit better them I feel.

the massive group of people just sticking together and killing everyone else was a bit ehhh to me, but as Cleo put it, they'd have to kill each other eventually (ive watched it twice and I can't remember exactly what they say. I am a failure :[)

second is Last Life, I was insane over Team BEST for a while, but I'm more insane over Team TIES now (I have reasons I won't say teehee)

Mumbo and Lizzie are here!! they're cool!!

loved the mechanics for this season. boogeyman was very cool, and the random life count was epic. favourite mechanics actually.

lot of favourite deaths, Impulse's final death was pretty cool to me, betrayal deaths make me bite the bars of my cage, not looking at anyone in particular *ahem* BigB, Martyn's stupid yellow(?) death, Scar and BigB's final deaths were insane (Operation Bubblevator!!)

Fairy Fort was an insane alliance I never was that big on them when this season was active, but hooooollllly hell these guys. (Do me a favour. Die for me.)

the music disk, Etho freaking everyone out with it. the "Bogeyman", Southlands. Southlands just in general.

episode 6...........................

the final 8 survivors (-one. you know who they are they won it.) Pearl's boogey kill, her protecting Cleo, Joel's double kill, the final 2 battles. ough. this season had everything man. I hate the cold and winter but the wintery vibes of this season were immense and I loved it so much (no thanks to the Snow Fort...)

a lot of the final yellow kills were cool, in particular Etho and Cleo dying together, in the same order (twice in a row!!). Etho trying so hard to at least kill Ren before Pearl killed him is one of the most memorable moments for me.

and Mumbo screaming as Etho fishing rods him up into the air. and then the dogs.

and the lotion throw at the beginning of session 6.

and Lizzie's first death after failing to kill her husband. those are all extremely memorable moments :]

3L is next for almost no other reason than "nostalgia" purposes.

one thing I liked about this season was how innocent and pure everyone was.

idk about anyone else, but, except for its burning. s. I really enjoyed the Wool Castle. the swamp. and Etho trying to become Shrek or something. what was up with them

my favourite character from this season was undoubtedly Joel though. I LOVED his base, his dead bushes, Cleo dying to his roof, his roof constantly burning. with him. his army of dogs. first dog boy. Gerald. ine. I feel like he forgets his red skin at some point in this season and I really enjoyed the skin changes between colors.

also feel like him n Cleo tease Renchanting for being so loyal to Ren. (oh my go d they're actually calling him king!)

4th is Limited Life.

listen. I feel like I should like this season more than I did. I was sort of falling out of the Life Series at this point so I don't have much to say let alone remember.

but let me tell you.

Skynet.

5th is Double Life.

another season I feel like I should've enjoyed more. I loved Team Ranchers at first, but the way everyone sort of treated them was... whatever, and them people talking about Boat Boys made me live Boat Boys (I didn't feel much for them at first, but oh my gosh) but those two are my top two pairings (I can't pick between them rn)

I have no hate for this season

Scar and his allay buddy, being oblivious to who his soulmate is, Mickey Mouse. Scar was a pretty fun character, plus all his skins for this season were really cool!! insane over them still

all the pairings were really cool, I loved the Divorce Quarter, the Vultures. they were cool, I loved how they just refused their fate. (and how Martyn literally killed himself. and how Cleo was the only person to have died all three times while Martyn was partially responsible for all of them in some way.)

the pillar outside the Midcentury Modern Home or something. the fishing rod party. (Joel and Etho's demise-) one thing I feel like was overlooked with them was that Scott was like. wrong. about them. sure having the both of them pulled up so they take double damage was stupid. but it was Joel. who. died. and took all of their hearts. Etho didn't even hit the ground. in fact I think he barely even left it.

also one thing that makes me bite and tear at my cage is that Etho and Joel were the pairing to have died at the midpoint. 3 pairings died before them. 3 pairings died after them. and, despite Joel losing their earlier 2 lives, Etho being the first to die on their final life splits them into top half and bottom half, with Etho being 8th this season, and Joel being 7th.

also the Ranchers' Warden was-

#life series #ig #long post #its 1am rn idk how long ive been typing this

[goatpaste]

tell me more about your hatred for sbr <- also hated sbr

ok i just awnser a BIG chunk of what i hated in that last ask, which is mostly surrounding the circumstances of the shit poor writing of lucy's whole character story line

but im like!! i really think the general plot was neat and fun! i like parts of it a lot! the main cast are GREAT the setting is FUN i like the set up!! i like their goals and stories!!

but then when they start digging into lucy's stuff in kansas city its just like.. man this kinda fuckin sucks!

theres some neat fun chapters here and there still ofc! i really love the sugar mountain arc it was SO good. i loved johnny and gyro way more than i thought i was initially and that was one of my favirotes in terms of a narrative i wish they told about like. OUGH

ALMOST ALL of them are chasing after this stupid magic corpse for different grand reasons to fix their lives. a magical cure

Johnny to fix his legs, diego to never be looked down on again and HP to make up for her sins

their all obsessed with this and cant focus on anything else

and the end of the sugar mountain arc was SO good with the "heres to having nothing"

This a group of people fixated on some grand goal thats just always out of their reach. never realizing their are connection to people right there with them that MEAN something.

i just think some places SBR has some story character narrative and other it just falls very very flat

then when it came to the end of it, everyone got such CHEAP deaths. Diegos was close to being something, but even then he dies and they cut away to Johnny and Gyro going, woooahh thats crazy.... anyways

AND HOT PANTS GOD DONT GET ME STARTED ON MY FEELING ABOUT HOT PANTS AND ESPECIALLY HOT PANTS AND HER DYNAMIC WITH DIEGO BECAUSE THATS JUST A WHOLE OTHER TOPIC THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY

BUT IT SUCKS you watch hot pant begin to crumble in on herself as she realizes she will never truly be absolved of her past and now is willing to die to do something good for the world. then just dies in a manner that if you blink you'll miss it. the amount of ppl iv seen say they didnt even relize Hot Pants died in the scene she died in? INSANE

Then the finale was like, fine. it was fine. it felt very much like the p5 ending in some ways, but if it has a lil more narrative and connections between characters or whatever?

we get a decent end scene from gyro before he goes.

THEN WE GET HIS GOLDEN SPIRIT LEAVING HIS BODY AND ITS TWO PAGES WERE HE BASICALLY GOES "take it sleezy :-)"

then goes away why johnnys on the ground spiraling

LIKE IT KINDA RUINS THE MOMENT LOL

AND THIS FINALE IS FINE OR WHATEVER

THEN THEY INTRODUCE THE ALT DIEGO FINAL ARC AND I REMEMBER JUST BEING LIKE

HOW MUCH MORE COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE TO SAY. HOW IS THERE MORE STORY

because let me tell you, i LOVE diego but those chapters made me wish diego was still fucking gone. alt diego SUCKED those chapters SUCKED there was literally no point to them

the scene with Johnnys dad reads like a "and then everyone clapped" kinda shit

and i think the ONLY reason they even did that fucking shit was to set up shit with the corpse and diego.. LIKE MAYBE IM READING TOO MUCH INTO IT, havent read jjl... but like IDK im like... you have a magic corpse and a dying diego in this room and put it into a special box to keep the corpse like a coffin.. set to stay sealed for 80 years... ok.. not gonna think about that and the potential for this diego i dont even like diego to return later or something. IDK I MIGHT BE CRAZY READING INTO IT. but the parallels to it and dio from pb and erina and everything is like... ok...

but it was duMB ALSO

the whole page about johnny going to Gyros home land jUST for his family to not even be there anymore. then be like, and that grand quest gyro was working on this whole time for that boy? well that boy was set free! gyros life and dedication to his choices payed off!!.................

then that boy died of a cold or some shit a few years later

WHAT IS THE POINT OF TELLING ME THAT

those last chapters was a wait of all of our time

#jojo #jjba #steel ball run spoilers

[cornfarm]

adding onto my previous post. writing is one of the only artistic outlets i have where i feel like i can be as insane and crazy and boisterous with it as i like without it ever being criticized. i love to draw, and paint, and make silly characters and draw my favorite characters giving me a hug but ive developed this mindset of "i have to work harder. i have to get better".

its literally what my life has been leading up to. ive accepted that i have to be hypervigilant about my visual arts, but my writing? im free to do whatever the fuck i want when i write. i can write the horniest smut youve ever read, or something devastating, or silly, or i can write a stupid crossover nobody understands, and i can let go of the hypervigilence.

i wrote about the yorozuya taking the reader to a new years festival, and riding on a motorcycle with kuboyasu, but i never posted it because i let this destructive attitude get to me. that when you, the reader, sits down to read my work, you come away from it crying and sobbing, and you feel like your life is changed. and if you dont? then my work doesnt deserve to be read.

and ive sure as hell felt that way before. ive read fanfic thats had me shaken up for weeks. but ive also ready pieces of smut that were so good i still have them bookmarked even though i dont like the show anymore, or i remember specific headcanons that i really like. ive also read pieces i didnt like, and ive read pieces that i disagreed with, but its all just fiction, its all written from the heart. thats precisely what i love about fanfiction

my fanfic doesnt HAVE to be groundbreaking. it doesnt have to be inspirational and healing. it can just exist as it is: a piece of writing made from my heart. that i made for fun, because i wanted it to exist. there doesnt have to be a reason. there shouldn't be a reason

#corn talks #idkkkkkkk #feelings are complicated #i hope other artists can relate to this i suppose #idk #the artist struggle #there r a lot of people saying really nice things already but ill reply to them tmrw im too tired now #sorry ive been such a downer lately

[vonkarma2]

Also do Joanna for the analysis?

Let’s go my own oc B) she’s a side character so this may be kinda hard 

My overall opinion on the character: I actually like her personality (and her design I’ve never posted any art of her I don’t think so like take my word for it I guess lol) but other aspects of her character are kinda hard to balance like I don’t want to be 100% serious like have her character directly represent real situations that we actually have bc she’s also supposed to be like a funny character who does insane things, and that has like emotional moments and an impact on the plot etc etc. So I don’t want to go too over the top with her but I also don’t want to take her too seriously and I don’t want to make her sympathetic but I don’t want to make her too like hateable that you completely hate her every scene she’s in because what I was going for with her character was that you’d start out liking her because she seems great but then every so often she’d do something terrible and it’d remind you not to trust her or whatever, which is kinda hard to do but whatever. But one thing I really like abt her character is her relationship with her son, I felt like I could umm relate to it I guess even though it’s of course not as extreme, but yeah I feel like that subplot has a lot of potential to be really interesting and sad to me. 

One virtue they have: Well first of all she is a great parent she loves her son would do anything for him has helped him in many situations they are very close etc etc Ive talked abt that before though. So I want to talk about another thing umm ok one thing about her is that she is not intimidated by anyone and doesn’t let fear of consequences stop her from doing what she thinks is important like ever since she was really young she has been that way.  So this has the potential to have terrible consequences considering she is a very bad person. But at least she isn’t like cowardly or whatever

One flaw they have: I’ve said this before with Joanna she’s like the best interpersonally but more broadly she’s like straight up evil. Like in that she’s willing to torture/kill people for research even when it isn’t strictly necessary just because it’s easier. She doesn’t actively enjoy it except in a morbid curiosity way she’s just able to completely shut off feeling bad for them because it’s for the sake of something she believes in. I feel like unlike many other Relesians she’s working with she doesn’t believe in cultural superiority or anything like that (whereas several of the people she works with and hates do (those same people eventually try to kill her by the way))… but she does think other governments losing their autonomy to Reles would be a good thing because she doesn’t trust their processes to be as efficient or reliable or whatever. In the end she is incredibly self righteous to the point of not trusting anyone but herself to make what she considers to be the right decisions (which is a major contrast with Lucia who doesn’t think she has the ability to impact anything and all and feels like she has no idea what to do whereas Joanna has a vision for like how the entire world should be and believes in it wholeheartedly)and also shockingly callous when it comes down to it, like she’s capable of being very compassionate and considerate when she wants to be but when it becomes inconvenient she doesn’t care at all. This is several flaws I’m sorry

Favorite moment from their arc: I like the part where she killed the king of Zeolan hell yeah get him fuck that guy. Shot him in the head let’s go. There are other moments from her arc that are better character wise or honestly more dramatic/interesting to me but this is my favorite part bc like she was almost assassinated for moving too quickly/being an unpredictable rogue element so they were honestly kind of regretting trusting her. But their attempt failed so she was like ok bitch you thought that was too fast what now. And killed him

Least favorite moment from their arc: I’m going to answer this from the perspective of like what has been the most difficult to come up with I have to say her introduction and interaction with Rocio. I have no idea how that would go it’s killing me. And because the reason for their interaction is not fleshed out well at all like the actual plot surrounding it I really have to develop that I guess

One relationship they have with another character: I guess I can only really talk abt her and Joseph so here it is. I have talked about it before though but basically he doesn’t have friends his own age in real life he was bullied at school which he also sucks at he’s very shy with people his own age, she’s close with him encourages him supports him and wants nothing but the best for him. However this closeness is eventually ruined when he finds out about various deeply fucked up things she’s been doing leaving him feeling alone and like he has to stop her somehow, and also they like live in the same place so he’s very paranoid around her. Which leads to her becoming somewhat concerned like she’s not suspicious of him at all but she is very worried especially because it just gets worse over time.  Which is great because that’s yet another thing she doesn’t need since Rocio stole from her + those fuckers in the state government won’t listen to anything she says, so she’s generally pretty frustrated. Ok that’s off topic but yeah it’s important that their relationship has basically been 100% positive (although of course Joseph became more reserved as he got older, and she doesn’t like how he’s prone to wasting all day doing nothing, but that’s just typical stuff and she genuinely doesn’t mind that much) up until this point so it’s literally like the most reliable thing either of them had in their lives has been ruined. Kinda depressing he’ll be ok I swear he has other family and even to an extent friends. She won’t though 

One relationship I'd like to see explored from this character: She really only interacts with 2 named characters or like has a relationship with them personally. Maybe her and Rocio because they are very similar (Rocio’s not As bad but still) but hate each other, or at least Joanna hates Rocio. So having her learn more about them could be interesting, it would definitely not change her mind though because she hates them not for who they are but for what they represent. Strangely enough her reasons for this are actually pretty reasonable like she’s right abt the wizard system being pretty fucked. So I guess she might even be able to convince Rocio of that too (<they don’t have any love for the system either they just see it as a vehicle through which to achieve their own goals).

What I would have liked to see happen with them in the media: Hmmm well besides things that I’ve already determined are going to happen I’d like to do something with what she does like right after the story which is go into hiding in a remote town or whatever forever with no hope of ever achieving her ideals. So from her perspective the world lost out on a utopian future mostly because of her actions, and even worse she can never see her son again. Which I suppose is somewhat sad but she had it coming soooo 😋😋😋 sadder for him I guess

Extra bonus opinion: I think she’s pretty funny here are some comedic aspects of her character

she loves Joseph so much her thoughts of him are as equally high priority as like her evil world domination plans

similarly to Gloria she will say whatever she wants including being incredibly rude because she doesn’t believe in dishonesty. People need to know that she does not like them and thinks they’re stupid. (

willing to kill at very little provocation 

the fact that I have to work really hard not to make the end of her story too similar to Walter White. Spoilers for breaking bad I guess 

#this ended up so long omg #my ocs #joanna andino #yeah but do you see what i mean like balancing serious vs comedic aspects and sympathetic vs unsympathetic moments #I definitely also don’t want to have it be like a tell not show thing like say she’s not good because she kills people #but then not actually go in depth with that and have it be like an informed trait or have it feel completely out of character #this might just be me but I hate when shows kill characters and you’re supposed to take it seriously #but they don’t put enough emphasis on the death #so it feels like it doesn’t matter yk to the characters or the media overall #and so even though it’s ofc kinda silly and it’s sci fi murder yk #I want to actually like convey the weight of the bad things she does #which is important to Joseph’s character as well

[achilles-the-boy-of-gold]

Okay. Please tell me. Is this too much to send to my friend? I don't know if it's too far or not.

I feel so close to you. Ive never felt this way with anyone else. We're like that trope of "more than friends less than lovers" we're different. We're special. I never believed in soulmates before i met you, but i do now. You're my person. We would find each other in every universe, wether we are friends or lovers or something else. You mean so much to me, and i know i say that a lot, but i still dont say it enough. I live you with all of my heart (and i dont care if you are able to say it back or not) Ive thought for a while that i like you romantically, but honestly im not sure. I just feel a connection with you thats more than most people ever find, and maybe thats what its like to like someone romantically, but also maybe not. Sometimes its hard to tell between different kinds of love. Its scary to be in love with someine for fear of ruining the relationship altogether and losing them. I know we are close, but i still wish we were closer. I miss you whenever we're nit together, and it scares me whener we dont talk much for a few days because i cant let you slip away. I wont. You are my whole world, i hope you know that. I could never lose you, because that would mean losing half my soul. Amd i would die if it meant saving you (and im fucking terrified of death, so youre the only one i would do that for). You are more than i ever coulve hoped to have. I never couldve seen you coming. Wherever fate takes us, (if we end up dating, if we hate each other, if we lose touch) you will still be forever with me. I carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart. Ive heard poets talk about a string of fate, and that has reminded me ever increasingly of our invisible string. You have to admit that we're connected in a way most people arent. Maybe im crazy, but i think you'd have to be insane to not notice this stuff too. Maybe other people feel like this, but i have rarely seen anyone so truly committed to someone ekse as i am to you. The only true example i have seen is from the book the song of achilles. In the book, achilles is stubborn and rude and a terrible person for the last few years if his life. He lets countless people die because of his ego. Patroclus does not agree with any choice he makes, but he never once gets angry at achilles. He stands by him. He stands up for him. He stays with achilles, until he dies trying to fix achilles' mistakes, while still saving achilles from dealing with his own problems. However many mustakes achilles makes patroclus doesnt care, he stands by him forever. He found a boy of gold, and knew he would never let him go. Thats what you do. You find someone so important to you, and you vow that however much they screw up, you wont be angry, youll still love them the same. They are still yours. And, though achilles does most things for himself, esspecially towards the end of the war, he still dies getting revenge for patroclus' death. Those two are the textbook example of soulmates. They always find their way back to each other when they get seperated. They are loyal to each other to a fault. Their only moral compass(at least for patroclus) is to always follow the other, and fight for them. I see us in their story. Our places switch between the characters, but every set of soulmates that has ever existed has been fit in that cutout. We fit there alongside so many people. If there is only one set of soulmates per lifetine, then we are those two. We are less fragile that a set of ordinary friends, and we are less held back by the rules of lovers. We've got our own thing. You are mine, and i am yours. Ive never felt this way with anyone, and doubt i ever will with anyone else. I hope with ever fiber of my being you feel the same, but if you dont, i hope that you will trust me enough to tell me. There is so much more i could add to this, but hopfully i have a whole lifetime to do so.

[starlightkun]

omg omg omg okay so im like in the middle of my final exams before im done with highschool but i need to tell you all about the fics that you have been releasing because wOW.

okay BUZZER BEATER

GOD THOSE TWO ARE SO FLUFFY. i dont have chronic illness but the way you described it just reminds me of starting adhd meds where i had to take so many pills at random intervals during the day and felt awful 24/7 and how im afraid that going into uni, people are going to ask for my meds for recreational purposes (which makes me so mad btw cause like i need meds to live dont ask for medication that is in limited supply so you can get lit but anyways). But yeah i didn't know that much about migraines other than the fact that its terrible but yeah the way you wrote mc was so beautiful and relatable and im just so sorry that you have to be burdened by these migraines and spend so much time and energy managing it. The way you wrote sungchan though was beautiful. his character is absolutely the most pure and loving guy (whilst also being a loserboy) and the fact that he did not question or judge or put pressure on mc ever was so healing. just watching him be so open with his affection and just blatantly pine for mc without any reservations about it makes me really want a sungchan of my own now. I just want a cute, sweet, uncomplicated, loserboy so i can just live my life in both sickness and health and not be judged by what hurdles my body choses to throw at me today (my psychiatrist was saying my stomach is just really sensitive so thats why ive been going through hell which is sucky but at least i have answers and know what to avoid lmao). But yeah thank you for writing something so beautiful about an experience that i felt so alone in having, because now i feel less guilty about struggling with my own health and most importantly less alone.

now onto Dr Magic!

dear lord jesus if i felt seen by buzzer beater, ive never felt more out of my depths by Dr Magic. Its such a hilarious fic and renjun and mc are both so insane and crazy but in a way thats realistic (i go to one of the top high schools in australia and there are people here who are so dedicated to school the same way renjun and mc). The way renjun just wants mc to spit in his mouth, I swear ive met boys like that too. also the steamy makeout sesh?! soft renjunnie with caring and dominant reader who asks for consent?! mc is so sexy for that, i love her. Also! your description of renjun wearing a yellow hoodie, jeans and a red cap was so scrumptious that i embodied mc in that moment and wanted to eat him whole also. the scene where renjun owns up to the mean things he said to mc whilst mc talks about spitting in his mouth in front of TEN?! shes so confident and strong despite being hurt and i love that for her. i really love how in your fics, you mix humor with maturity to create such well rounded works that really celebrate being wild and having fun whilst also being a grown and mature person. just like you, i could never be renjun and mc but im happy for them and what they have.

side note: thank you for being pro palestine, i know being pro palestine is a simple thing and a low bar to set for myself in finding good people in the world, but with all the people in power and celebrities (cough eric nam cough) publicly supporting the genocide that is happening, im very glad to find others who see the horrors for what it is.

-✨anon

yeah i will always be anti-genocide and anti-apartheid ethnostates, and it truly does boggle my mind to see people support that??? somehow???? but seeing all the pro palestine demonstrations and protests and posts all over does give me hope to hold onto

rest of my response to ur lovely feedback under the cut to not make this post any longer lol <33

BUZZER BEATER!!!!

i also want my own loserboy sungchan so bad 🤧🤧 he was just so perfect in that one ugh. im glad that u were still able to see urself in some of the mc (tho im NOT glad that ur having side effect trouble w ur meds, sending out my love as a fellow tummy trouble side effect haver 🫶). and yeah i rlly wanted my bb sungchan to be not necessarily a himbo per se (bc imo u have to be like BUFF and stupid and sweet, i.e, kronk from emperor's new groove, and alas, sungchan is not built like wonho im not that delusional) but he is at least a big (read: tall), sweet, not quite dumb but not as academically rigorous in the same way as mc, jock who is used to kind of following the same script when in that college "talking phase" with a girl (a little bit of flirting, parties, inviting her to a game maybe, buying her a drink, etc.) bc it's safe and he rlly likes reader so he doesn't want to mess it up but then he realizes that he has to throw it all out bc reader can't actually do like most of that and is like ok. new plan. and ends up just fully embracing his pining, soft loserboy self and how down bad he is for reader. ugh i love him 💗💗💗

dr_magic2303!!!!

i would greatly admire, respect, and fear in equal measure anybody who feels seen by dr_magic2303 lmao. like good for u but COULDN'T BE ME!!! like some of the bits of mc's hyperfixation on her personal projects and that raw hunger for knowledge (as opposed to being the best) was modeled after my own hyperfixations and kind of manic flow states that i get with my adhd (i've yet to put up a conspiracy board in my apartment but i do routinely feel like the pepe silvia meme from it's always sunny) but i have not been a neurotic overachieving academic since jr yr of high school thank god! 4 years of cognitive behavioral therapy and a lot of anti-depressants cured me of that. this is coming from a former gifted kid lmao.

when i knew that i wanted this fic to take the this route (renjun getting consensually dosed up w siren venom) i knew i wanted there to be some form of a convo like that. like consent is sexy!!! and making sure ppl r being taken care of when they're consensually giving up and transferring power for a limited time (with or without the use of magical aphrodisiacs) is sexy!!! aftercare is sexy!!! (even tho renjun threw reader out before they could rlly finish that part but u know) and i rlly hope that came across in that scene

reader talking about spitting in renjun's mouth in front of ten isn't THAT weird for sirens (reader and ten were JUST talking about ten's nipple rings and their lack of sex lives like five seconds earlier in that same convo so like yknow) but ten could obviously tell that there was something a lot deeper going on than just some casual saliva swapping between pals so that's why he left lmao

as always thank you sm for your ask and your feedback on my fics 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 good luck with the end of school you got this b 💗💗💗💗

#answered #✨ anon #talk #text #mine #fb #f: buzzer beater #f: dr_magic2303 #au: strawberry sunday

[hatsunerandal]

part eight of my playlist analysis!!

part 1 <;- part 2 <- part 3 <- part 4 <- part 5 &lt;- part 6 <- part 7 <- SOUPPP

be nice to me - the front bottoms 'i try to write you poems, but the words they dont make sense' TELL ME LOCKWOOD DIDNT TRY TO WRITE LUCY POETRY BC HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE ROMANTIC THEN THREW IT OUT BC HE THOUGH IT WAS BAD. TRY TO TELL ME. TRY I DARE YOU. (it was actually really really good hes just incredibly hard on himself.)

absolutely smitten - dodie hehehehehe fluffy fluff softest fluff toothrotting fluff ow ow ow

my body's made of crushed little stars - mitski you cannot tell me this isnt on lucys breakdown playlist.

i hear a symphony - cody fry lockwood sings it to lucy methinks.

i was an island - john-allison weiss GRRRRRRRRG IK YOU THINK IM GONNA SAY ITS LOCKWOOD BUT ABSOLUTELY YOU ARE RIGHT HAHAHAH. 'but i lowered my sword when you held me and swore youd stay, stay, stay' LOCKWOOD.  kill the director - the wombats this playlist is so lockwood-centric can you tell. hes never really felt anything like what hes felt for lucy before and hes just ??????>@!? and confused and is probably ranting to george about it or something and george is just laughing eating crackers or smth like "haha stupid loverboy." ykwim? - yot club lucy, laying awake in her attic room, wondering how the hell she got here and why shes staying. shes ruined the dynamic they had, hasnt she? shes the only girl in the house she does everything differently. she should leave. (she should Not). arsonists lullaby - hozier surprisingly, this is a lucy song!! its what she felt like having such a strong talent in such a small town and feeling like itd get to her one day. a burning hill - mitski another lucy breakdown song. she likes mitski. its kinda funny tho cuz yk. lockwood and his white button-downs. wet cigarettes - strawberry milk cult lockwood and lucy are avoiding eachother yet again, because theyre. them. but they keep passing eachother in the kitchen and other places in the house, stealing glances and all that. this song just has that vibe. sober haha jk unless - hospital bracelet l. lockwood song :(. affection - scruffpuppie feels like a lucy song and i cant explain why it just does. april to death - flower face god i literally cannot explain it for them specifically but this song goes in every character playlist i make. im so emotionally attached to it. breezeblocks - alt-j ok ik this is. a little bit of a weird one. but i dont care!! i love it!!! i live for slightly insane lockwood and you will too /threat (/j) bug bear - chloe moriondo despite lucy being so powerful talent wise, she never did great in school. stolen dance - milky chance DO I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAAAAAAAAAIN its so soft dancing at night vibes dude. i love it sm. theyre just swaying together in the kitchen. alternatively, case montage of them by eachothers side pick your poison. black sheep - the evil exes (there are a million versions of this song gimme a break) just. mmm luce vibes dont ask why i will not be able to answer. can you feel my heart - bring me the horizon yall remember that one edit from 2020 where average looking anime boy #44658 jumped out a building? lockwood wants that. (its ok me too lockwood) (no but fr this is another weird emotional attachment song but it could probably work for some sort of lockwood breakdown. wait actually it could cuz 'im scared to get close/i hate being alone' ok i understand now thank you brain.) daddy issues - the neighborhood I believe ive briefly discussed my lockwood with daddy issues hc. do i rememebr his canon relationship with his dad? no!! am i projecting?? yes!! i cant handle change - roar self explanatory. hes not good at change, shes not good at change, they both suck at it but theyre working through it together. ill sleep when im dead - set it off lockwood insomniac agenda (its not even an agenda its canon atp) achilles come down - gang of youths you guys dont want me to go in depth with this one. strawberry mentos - leanna firestone hehehdfbjngbfdg fluffy fluffy fluff fluffle so fluffy so sweet so cute so owie i love them. fool - cavetown eepy reading vibes in the library mixed with a teeeeny tiny bit of crying on lucys part. why shes crying is up for interpretation. beorge gush - strawberry milk cult this ones for the l&co ot3 mfs. its all of them. odnt ask why it just is. them vibes christ we're so close to being done PART 9 HERE WE GOO

#lockwood and co #locklyle #george karim #lucy carlyle #anthony lockwood

[button-mash]

What I played last week #8

Klona 2 [Playstation 2]

This was such an absolute treat to play. I had heard of the series before, but I'd genuinely never played any of them at all - in fact they'd just totally passed me by really. I think they got remade fairly recently and it suddenly felt like everyone but me had some proper beloved history with the series, so not sure how I totally missed it - especially as I love platformers. Managed to snipe an eBay auction for this for £12 which I was buzzing about considering it rarely goes for less than £30 and often sells in the £50-60 range. 

Playing this it feels like it's the insane centrepoint between SO many games that have come before and since, I'd love to learn more about it and any games that were actively influenced by it, because it felt like it could somehow have come out in any area of platformers and fit in perfectly. At different points it reminded me of Nights, Kirby 64, Crash Brandicoot, Rayman, Mario Galaxy and more, yet somehow always still felt like completely it's own thing too. It's a pretty simple game at it's core - it's a 2.5D platformer where you can jump and hover, but can also grab enemies if you're close enough, either throwing them across the screen as a weapon, or using them to jump off and essentially serve as a double jump. The game actually starts off pretty slowly and at first I thought it was going to be another Kirby - something with loads of personality and character, but ultimately so easy it undermines the whole thing. However, the games levels quickly become more and more complex and constantly alternate between platforming and puzzles sections - by the end it becomes difficult enough where you have to have mastered every technique in the arsenal to progress through the levels, some of which are surprisingly long and complex.

The most amazing thing is how good the game looks, it's just absolutely beautiful - I genuinely couldn't believe it was a PS2 game at times. The occasional blurry texture or jagged edge gave it away, but there is just so much vibrant colour, detail, movement and animation on every level, it just gave the game an insane amount of character and life to each stage, and all of them have such a strong, memorable visual identity. There is even an amazing sense of scale to some of the levels where you'll get shot high into the air and you'll see these massively complex stages just fully modelled out and it just shows how much imagination and craft have gone into each one. There is one level set in a theme park and it just looks incredible. It's seemingly impossible to find any good quality gifs of this that aren't from the remake or haven't been upscaled in PCSX2, but hopefully you get the picture from an art direction perspective

The game isn't without it's flaws - there are some difficulty spikes that come out of nowhere and very strict animation windows sometimes make you feel like you missed grabs or jumps that you made, but it's rare and the platforming usually feels great. It never becomes a real chore of a challenge, but the levels become difficult enough where you feel genuinely accomplished getting through them, especially the last few levels. The bosses are also great mechanically, although they start to feel a little similar by the end. 

Normally if you play a retro game without the nostalgia, there is always this element of wishing you could have played it at the time, simply because it's almost always aged in some way that diminishes the experience at least a tiny bit. Here this just feels like that rare experience where it could have come out yesterday and I think I'd still be banging on about how much I loved it - if I'd unknowlingly played the remakes without knowing they were remakes, I don't know if Id have been able to tell from a design point of view. Im glad I played the original though, honestly one of the best looking, most colourful and lively games I think Ive played on the PS2, all at a crisp 60fps. Looked absolutely phenomenal on the PVM, I wish I could somehow show off how great it looked.

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part IV

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, all characters are adults.

Words: 1880.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I

Part II

Part III

_________

After you came back to your room, you got a message from Steve about changing the locks on both you door and your locker. You were so taken aback by today's conversation in the student council room that you had completely forgotten about it. Apparently, Steve had already requested the change of locks on your behalf through email, and you were really grateful to him for that: you dreaded coming back to the room that had been forced open. Of course, tonight you would have to move your dresser to the door so that nobody could enter when you'd be sleeping.

Shit. It was absolutely crazy.

"I'm not sure about all this, Steve." You texted him while laying on your bed and staring at your phone in the darkness of the room. "It doesn't seem right."

Naturally, you meant the fake dating thing. It felt horrible thinking of what others would think after seeing you with five different guys. Would they be calling you a whore in the open? Make some nasty jokes behind your back? Report you to the school administration for immoral behavior? Remembering those bigots from the student office, you cringed at the thought.

Besides, it still didn't make sense to you why you had to date all five. Sure, if they were around you at all times like your friends, these unhinged bastards who stole your things wouldn't do anything funny again, but it wasn't like that. What could one guy do against a group of other students?

"Listen, I didn't want to talk about it in class, but I'm worried it won't end with a stolen lingerie."

You didn't like his message.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. They might attempt something much worse than a theft."

Oh no. Was he talking about rape? Seriously? Did he anticipate others were so crazy they would do something like that?

But then again, girls were being raped in colleges even if it weren't the all-boys schools. A shiver ran down your spine.

"But if several people attack me, just one of you won't be enough." You typed with your shaky fingers, trembling beneath your blanket.

"It's not about the pure force. Each of us has a certain reputation, and others wouldn't want to cross us over because of it."

Wait, this was interesting. What on Earth did he mean? What kind of reputation was that to prevent people from messing with them?

"Thor is a good athlete and a great leader, his basketball team is ready to beat people to death for him."

"Loki's father is one of academy’s main sponsors, and he can have this school turned upside down if he wants to."

"Bucky is a threat by himself, but he also have a company of loyal friends."

"I don't think Peter is serious enough to scare anyone, but with his computer skills he could easily blackmail others, I’ve already seen him doing it. Students would be wary to cross him over just like any of us."

Steve was writing you a bunch of messages with a terrifying speed, and you could barely read the first when he was already sending you the second. It felt absolutely insane. Did he choose every guy because the more powerful admirers you have, the less others would intervene? Well, at least in case of Bucky and Thor who could beat people to near death, it was wise. You preferred not to think of Peter - you had no idea someone as sweet and caring as him did something as disgusting as a blackmail.

“But what others will think? 5 boyfriends? Others will think you are dating-” you paused, chewing your lips to bit, “- a whore. Nobody gonna stood up for me.”

"Imagine if each of us tells our friends that other four guys were just asked to watch over you, but you date only one.”

Oh. Yes, this was slightly better. Then you wouldn’t have to do something as bold as kissing every guy in public, instead maintaining the mystery who you were really dating. 

Damn, how Steve even came up with this plan? Why was everything so complicated?

“It’s getting late. Good night.” Your phone vibrated again, and you huffed with irritation. You hoped you could ask him a bit more - about what you were going to do with the thieves Steve found, for example - but he was probably getting tired with all your questions. It was better to ask him tomorrow.

___________________

The next morning you were restless: since you were starting to going out with guys, you felt like you needed to look better than you usually were, so you spent your morning working on your hair and makeup. It was like fake dating, right? You had to pretend you wanted to look pretty for them.

What else did you have to do? Cook something sweet for them? Yeah, probably, but not at the start of your relationship. Going to cafe together? Helping each other study? Loki also mentioned the cinema...

You felt dumb. Of course, you dated guys before, but now you realized you had no idea how to act not to cause any suspicion. Oh boy, it was going to be a tough day.

Thor nocked at you door thirty minutes before your first session, but you woke up so early you were more than ready to go. As you opened the door, first moving the dresser back to its place, the guy looked at you with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Hey, what was that?"

"The dresser. I can't leave the door just like that until the lock is changed."

He blinked at you, watching the door and then probably remembering somebody forced the lock open to steal your underwear.

"These guys are batshit crazy." He mumbled and nodded you to go with him, putting his hand on your shoulder. "Don't worry, they won't do it again."

You wanted to argue they definitely would, but, seeing his warm smile, you thought Thor simply wanted to cheer you up and smiled at him in return. In the end, he was here only to make you feel safer: you didn't doubt he was very popular with the girls every time he went out to the city.

"You look great today!" He said sheepishly, walking in the dorm's corridor while other students were staring at him silently, obviously surprised to see you two together. "I mean, not that you looked bad yesterday, I just..."

Watching his face suddenly getting crimson red, you couldn't help but giggle at his expression. You could never think Thor was actually bashful around girls. Yeah, at your old place he'd definitely be one of the most popular guys around.

It was lunch time when you two could actually talk, sitting together at the same table and being watched by everyone around. Strangely, with Thor constantly talking and often rubbing your hand with his, it didn't feel suffocating, and you held your head high: regardless whether those pricks were looking at you, you weren't going to run away to your room and cry there like a little girl. Loki was right: you weren't a silly little sheep, scared of your own shadow. You wouldn't let anyone spoil your time in the academy you dreamt studying in.

Funny enough, Thor turned out to be a talkative type when he was speaking about basketball and his team in particular. He loved sports: while you were more into hockey, the way he talked was so enthusiastic it made you listen to him with a genuine interest. Thor's love for basketball was infectious.

He seemed a simple man, this giant bag of muscles who was laughing so loud people around him flinched; Thor wasn't the exact type of a guy you would encounter on your own, but he seemed nice, sincere, and surprisingly softhearted. You felt at ease talking to him, and soon you too acted like you'd known each other for long.

It was a pity you'd only met under this circumstances. It felt like you two could became friends.

But then when Thor absent-mindedly put his arm around your shoulders, you remembered Loki's warning: they would try to gain your favors. Was it the reason Thor was so nice to someone he just met? Wasn't it suspicious of him? You couldn't let your guard down after just one lunch together. In fact, you knew nothing of the man sitting in front of you.

"I knew something like would happen." Some guy to your left sighed loudly, catching your attention. "They were fucking crazy."

"I'm not surprised either. I just wanna know who they got in a fight with to be beaten like that. Have you heard they broke Gray's both legs?"

"Woah, both? That's brutal, man."

You shivered, trying not to listen to them.

"It'd happen sooner or later anyway. They were completely wild."

A word caught your attention right away: that was what Steve called those students who were stealing your things. Could it be a coincidence? Surely, in an all-boys school the students were fighting each other constantly.

But to the point of breaking both legs of someone? Really?

As you sent Thor a nervous look, he gently patted your shoulder, lowering his voice so no one would hear him, "I'm sure it's nothing to do with you. These things happen here from time to time because the guys have no idea what to do with all that testosterone."

You hoped he was right.

The rest of the day went as usual aside from Thor walking the corridors with you and chatting about sports: he managed to convince you to come see the game next month when they would be having a tournament. You were grateful to him for helping to ease your mind because the news of guys being sent to the ambulance made you shook. Steve also mentioned something about his and other's friends ready to beat anyone to death, right?

By the middle of your last class you couldn't think of it any longer and quickly typed a message to Loki. Of all people, right now he seemed the most sincere to you.

"Hi. Are the guys who were beaten last night are the ones who stole my things?"

Waiting was a special torture when you held the phone in your arms beneath your desk, hoping to see your screen lighting up with a message. In five minutes you got your reply.

"Yes." The message said simply, but it was enough for you to stare at your phone with horror, wishing you didn't ask Loki anything.

Oh shit. It wasn't a coincidence, right? It's impossible. Somebody did it on purpose. But who of the five?

"Do you know who did it?"

Next time he answered pretty fast, "No."

A part of you felt relieved. Maybe it wasn't related, finally. Maybe they got beaten by somebody who was fed up with their attitude because they were crazy as the guys in the cafeteria said.

But what if it weren't true?

"Who's the most brutal among you five?"

Biting your lips, you started rocking in your chair a little, making the guy on your left to roll his eyes in irritation.

The phone's screen flashed again.

"Barnes."

Part V

_________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki   ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin ​@inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherub @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @soleil-dor @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @iheartsebandchris @lovelydarkdaydream @illyrianprincess @vampirestrawberries @stupendouslovegardener @goodgodimaweirdperson @frontmanash @freya-heya @yandematic

#steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #thor x reader #loki x reader #peter parker x reader #dark steve rogers #dark bucky barnes #dark thor #dark loki #dark peter parker #yandere

[ot3]

What's the core appeal of orv? I know the premise but why does it make you so hyped up?

OH BOY OH BOY....... i will try to be as concise as possible here but i could write without exaggeration thousands of words about why orv is good. But I guess here's the big stuff.

- Its funny, for starters. it is extremely funny, which is very high up on my media priority list. in orv, there will be incredibly grim things that make you laugh, and incredibly cringe and silly anime bullshit that will hurt you as heavily as any other media you’ve seen. 

- it executes it’s thematic arcs with pinpoint precision the likes of which i’ve hardly ever seen anything else manage to do. regardless of whether or not the themes themselves are the sort of themes you go bonkers for in media, it’s always just delightful to see something perfectly stick it’s landing in terms of the big concepts its trying to grapple with, and orv does

- it’s got fun and fascinating worldbuilding mechanics. the core concept being ‘reality now operates on the rules of a shitty novel’ means that the worldbuilding doesn’t have to function logically, it functions thematically. it’s explicitly stated in orv canon that some of the internal rules governing this new reality are objectively really stupid and illogical, but they just have to roll with it because that’s what was in the book, and i think it’s a really enjoyable way to do it. This may at first sound like a copout, where the writer is trying to excuse their own bad worldbuilding, but it isn’t. The world building is actually incredibly deeply thought out, but it doesn’t exist for the sake of rational function, it exists for the sake of, once again, furthering orv’s thematic arcs. the rules by which this universe operate do a magnificent job of strengthening the core concepts the authors are exploring. 

- it deals with morality in a really wonderful and nuanced way. there are almost no characters in orv’s extremely large cast of characters who are just explicitly morally condemnable, and almost every conflict allows you to understand exactly why the antagonists believe they’re in the right by opposing the actions of our protagonists. the central conflicts are never pure right and pure wrong; they’re always about contrasting goals, conflicting worldviews, and different priorities between ends and means. this makes the conflicts all feel so much more dynamic and engaging than those where the only stakes are physical harm. 

- the characters interpersonal relationships are some of the most interesting ive ever seen. orv is very slow burn and it takes a long time for a lot of these to come out of the woodwork, by design, but by god once they do they fucking hit. similar to the plot conflicts, the interpersonal conflicts also almost never occur where there’s one side clearly in the wrong. the characters are almost all genuinely attempting to do their best by each other, and the tension comes from the ways in which human communication is fundamentally imperfect and part of our feelings and intentions get lost in translation. it’s very heartwrenching and heartwarming to see unfold, in equal measure. 

- following from that, it’s a narrative that really meaningfully prioritizes non-romantic relationships over romantic ones as the central focus. obviously there’s shipbait and the ot3 is real and good and my friend but if you’re looking for deep complex platonic, (found or otherwise) familial, and antagonistic relationships that never get ruined with forced romantic arcs, we got em baby!

- the pacing is unlike anything i’ve ever seen before. from a purely technical standpoint, it is genuinely a fascinating case study in how to execute a narrative that is almost constantly escalating without exception. there is very little downtime or breathing room in orv, which is insane for something that clocks in at over a million words, and somehow, it still works. i’ve never felt more like a frog in a pot of slowly boiling water than i did when i was reading orv and i can’t believe they pulled it off. it’s so interesting to read something like that.

- it is a tragedy without resorting to cynicism and a very adult narrative that’s really steeped in childlike wonder. i’m a big fan of cartoons made for children cartoons made for children are my favorite things to watch because i like media that is uplifting and encouraging. but of course children’s media will always be simplified and not very relatable to an adult. orv is very much a serious and heavy adult narrative, and a deeply tragic one at that, but this is never tragedy for tragedy’s sake. it’s a very compassionate piece of media over all, that holds a lot of reverence and sympathy for the ‘naive’ optimism of children that gets stripped down over time. if you, like me, feel more like a grown up child than an adult someday, i think it’ll hit for you. 

- if you are a person who has ever gotten deeply involved in media to ignore bad things happening in the real world, which i know you are because you are reading my tumblr blog, then there is going to be a lot about orv which resonates for you. a lot of metanarrative has attempted to comment on the voyeuristic nature of media obsession and storytelling, but a lot of it does so in a bizarre way that almost seems to shame the audience for having the audacity to... enjoy the product the creators have produced for them. orv is what i can only describe as a love-letter to its own audience, and it’s really a manifesto about how engagement with media can foster genuine human intimacy, even if initially it’s something you’re using as a crutch to replace that intimacy. the closest thing to orv’s metanarrative i can think of would be undertale. if undertale made you Feel some Things, orv is gonna make you Feel some Things as well. 

- it is extremely cathartic and meaningful. i am not exaggerating at all when i say that reading it gave me the closest thing i have ever felt to any sort of spiritual breakthrough. it helped unfuck my head a ton during some very grim times and i think the perspective it offers on the value of human life is a really really good one

- its really funny i promise

- its cringe in a way that’s hype

- please read orv please not even for me do it for yourself i want you to experience what i experienced for YOUR sake not mine

#long post #orv #i really like talking about orv #maesamine

[that-bl-bitch]

BL QUESTION TAG GAME

I was tagged by @ohmnomnom and @ommited-miscellaneously it literally took way longer than it should have but it's finally done ):)

Your all time favorite bl and why

The thing is my heart says bad buddy but part of me says that’s to predictable and it just ended so maybe I’m just living in the high of that but I truly do feel like it is the best bl of all time, I mean it’s my new number 1 of all time and for good reason, everything about it is so good from the acting to the storyline to the pacing and characters to how they handle and approach problems and situation they just do it in a way no other bl is out here doing it like truly no bl can even hold a candle to bad buddy like there’s no competition it’s just truly no other bl even remotely similar and that’s real rarity

That one bl that scarred you for life

Ok not a series, but a movie and that would be A cornered mouse dreams of cheese if you’re looking to be in depressive episode for a couple of days this is the movie for you, it is a really good movie don’t get it twisted but for some reason it fucked me up, truly sad that I cannot watch it a second time or else I’d rewatch it in a heartbeat but my mental health can not take it

Is there any bl that made you feel very single

A lot of BLs of course but the one that comes to mind as of recently is bad buddy, like I distinctly remember just sitting there talking about some scene or something and just being like “wow I never felt more single than I do right now” whatever it was it hit me hard

If you could Change one thing from a BL which one would it be

The miscommunication of we best love, like cause if Shu Yi talked to Shi De when he showed up in America everything would have been cleared up there I mean there would still be the problem of Shu Yi’s dad telling Shi De to stay away from him So like theres still angst for the second season but then at least he wouldn’t have thought that Shi De just went to America abandoned him, got married and had a baby for five years straight You know? I just thought that was just so sad for Shu Yi

That one BL you detest

At first I didn't think I had anything for this But then I was going through my lists and saw it, Boyband love now I KNEW this was going to dumb before I watched it and I knew it the whole time I was watching but for some reason didn’t stop, rather couldn’t stop like it was busting out laughing funny but it was just not suppose to be, I truly hate it

Your top five

-bad buddy

-ITSAY

-Manner of death

-To my star

-My beautiful man

In order to do this I had to look at all my BLs Ive watched And then put it into a top 10 in order to like narrow it down and like it’s kind of crazy because the fact that my beautiful man made it into my top five when I was so against it and so persistent on not watching this show for so long like it is absolutely insane

That trashy BL that you low-key like

Waterboyy listen hear me out I watched this and it was one of my favorites for like a while, I watched it very early on in my bl journey and It was before I was actually “evolved” in the bl community of it all (meaning before seeing peoples opinions and valid points that I just didn’t think of) so I think that’s why I liked it so much like at that time i just really didn’t know what was good and what was bad I was but a wee bl watcher I remember after a while that I watched it and I was more evolved in the community and seeing what people thought about It I thought they were wild I thought they were crazy cause like I watched it and it was good, But then people were making some kind of like valid points and I was like hmm ok maybe there a lil bit right so therefore I think if I watched it today I would have completely different opinion thus I will never rewatch it cause it will taint the version in my head

Your favorite Korean BL

To my star I don’t have a lot of luck enjoying kbls I don’t why like Ive watched a good amount and to my star remains my no. 1 and it was the 4th kbl I ever watched, I love this show so much it is the best kbl and I will take that to my grave I truly don't see anything else topping it but who knows there's a lot kbls coming out so

Season two? which one?

Honestly all the season twos I want are actually getting them or there are at least rumors but I guess I'll say Manner of death cause I'm pretty sure that one is REALLY rumored (correct me if I'm wrong) now I'll just say some 2s I'm looking forward to, to my star season 2 and my engineer season 2 (if thats even still happening)

But also your top 3 Kbls

-to my star

-My sweet dear

-long time no see

A bunch of dramas will air soon. Which one are you the most excited for?

A bunch really, but off the top of my head I would say.......

-Enchanté

-Love team

-Ocean like me

-cutie pie

Tag them: @ddreamzee @whiterabbit71188 @batcasss

#bad buddy #bad buddy the series #gaya sa pelikula #manner of death #Itsay #I told sunset about you #Like in the movies #A cornered mouse dreams of cheese #We best love the series #We best love #Wbl #Boyband love #To my star #My beautiful man #My beautiful man the series #Waterboyy #Waterboyy the series #My engineer the series #My engineer #My sweet dear #My sweet dear the series #Long time no see #Enchanté #Enchanté the series #Love team the series #Boys lockdown the series #Boys lockdown #Ocean like me the series #Ocean like me #Cutie pie the series