#can't make myself write “last episode” though

[bizarrelittlemew]

CREW || first episode of appearance ⇉ season 2 episode 8

#ofmd #ofmd s2 #our flag means death #ofmdedit #ofmdsource #ofmd gifs #ida.stuff #sorry ivan but i only included everyone who appeared in s2e8 #i've had this on my to do list for sooooo long #and now felt like a good time #can't make myself write “last episode” though #i love them all so much

[thankskenpenders]

Happy new year, everyone! Welcome to 2024, the year that will mark the 10th anniversary of Thanks Ken Penders. I'd like to go over my plans for the blog for this year.

First of all: in the very near future, I'll have a post with my thoughts on Sonic Dream Team, and I'm sure I'll write one last Sonic Prime review once the final episodes drop on the 11th. I've also been sitting on an unfinished piece about the Sonic LEGO sets. I wanted this to be longer and more detailed piece that not only reviewed the sets but also went into the weird disconnect between homogenized image of Sonic the Brand and the actual fiction it's based off of, but it'll probably end up getting cut down a lot just so I can put something out. Let's just say I did a fun little thing with one of the sets.

Second: yes, I would like to return to regular TKP updates this year. As I've said many times, I wanted to do this in 2023, but I've been suffering from creative burnout after finishing SLARPG and have generally been unable to focus on any of my creative goals this past year. I'm hoping that this year will be better and I'll be able to get back into the swing of covering Archie Sonic issues. Even doing one issue every week or so would be vastly preferable to continuing the hiatus. I'm still only halfway done!! But aside from burnout, my other main hurdle is that I need to reread my own archive to refresh myself on all these things after nearly three years away. This will take some time.

The thing is, though, this year I'll have an extra incentive to go back through my previous writing and brush up on all things Archie Sonic. Because you see...

I've decided that I want to make a video essay about Penders. The comics, the copyright battle, The Lara-Su Chronicles, everything.

The why

I've thought about doing this before, but I never committed to the idea. I was too busy with gamedev, or I thought it'd end up being too long, or I figured that there were already enough videos on the subject, or I just lacked confidence in my ability to put together a video essay. So I told myself it wasn't meant to be, and let the multiple YouTubers who have cited me as a source on their own Penders videos fill that void.

Recently, though, a few things have happened that have convinced me it might be time. For one, YouTube video essays/media retrospectives/etc. are just getting longer and longer. When Quinton Reviews is out here doing 21 hours of videos on Sam & Cat, a subpar Nick sitcom that only lasted one season, I don't feel so crazy for wanting to make a video about several hundred comic books and two lawsuits that'd be at least an hour or two long lmao. Admittedly, I've also been self-conscious about doing a long video essay like this as a trans woman who has yet to do any vocal training. But these days I feel like I see a lot more transfem YouTubers who have done little to no vocal training, and that's given me more confidence on that front.

But the big one was Hbomberguy's recent plagiarism video. As I sat there watching it, I kept thinking about the time I found a CBR article that was just a crude 800 word summary of my two previous articles on Penders, published by a CBR writer who's put out over 4000 articles since 2019. If I've already been plagiarized before, and my writing is so frequently passed around as a go-to source on Archie Sonic drama, then I wouldn't be shocked if there were YouTubers out there straight up just plagiarizing me. I don't watch other peoples' videos on Archie Sonic, so I'd never know! So if people are just gonna paraphrase me when covering these topics anyway, why not take matters into my own hands and make what I would consider to be the definitive video on the subject? If hacks like James Somerton and iilluminaughtii can churn out these shitty video essays and people will still watch them, surely it can't be that impossible to make my own, right? (And also, uh, Hbomb literally told me I should make the video lol. If you're reading this, thanks for the encouragement.)

The what, how, and when

So here's the plan.

Part of this video essay will be an adaptation of my Medium article on the recurring themes of Ken's Archie Sonic run, with its content touched up and expanded upon. There were a few things I skimmed over in the article because I didn't want it to get too long, but again, people are out here watching ten hour videos about bad Nickelodeon sitcoms now. I can get away with elaborating a little more. I can add a few paragraphs talking about the Chaos Knuckles arc, or throw in a little more historical context I've discovered in the years since.

After covering the comics, the back half(-ish?) of the video will be dedicated to the copyright battles and their ensuing controversies, trying to give an accurate picture of what actually went down, the sheer scale of how bad Archie fucked up, and what our takeaways should be. This will have some similarities to my New York Magazine article on the subject, but I'll be rewriting it from scratch. I REALLY had to keep things short for that article because I was already way over the expected word count, and my tone was a little more straight-laced than normal because I was trying to keep things Professional. I can riff more and insert more of my own opinions this time, like I normally would.

I'll inevitably have to touch on some of Ken's Bad Tweets when discussing things that have happened after the lawsuits, but I don't want the video to just devolve into a list of times people got mad at him on Twitter, so I'm gonna try to keep that to a minimum in favor of focusing on his actual work. Things like the Scourge the Speed Demon incident and his continued statements on certain characters' copyright statuses probably warrant mentioning, though. And finally, assuming that the book really does come out this summer, I would like the grand finale of the video to be about those first couple chapters of The Lara-Su Chronicles.

I don't currently know when this video will get done, but it'll probably be in the back half of the year, especially with me waiting for the book to either drop or get delayed yet again. But I've actually already started writing a bit of the script, and will keep chipping away at it for a while.

So, uh, yeah, look forward to that? Wish me luck?

#tkp post

[jmdbjk]

They take up a lot of space in my head sometimes...

I didn't want to dwell on this in the documentary posts but I know you guys will indulge me as I ramble a little bit.

I want to elaborate on some thoughts I had while watching the second half of Episode 7 when Jungkook went over to Jimin's.

I watched it several times. I made sure to watch it once with a very critical and skeptical eye to keep myself from straying too far...nothing serious but possibly delulu...

This part of the documentary inside Jimin's apartment was filmed on March 13, 2022 following the last PTD Seoul concert.

This was BEFORE PTD Las Vegas where Jimin has told us he talked to the members about his troubles and that's when he embarked on writing the songs that would end up on his album FACE which was released A YEAR after this interview.

It seems Jimin answers his phone in the car after the concert. Tells whoever to get ready and come over and asks what kind of chicken to order. The documentary camera person is already in the car with Jimin... who is he speaking to on the phone? When we eventually see Jungkook coming over later on in this episode, it's natural to assume he was speaking to Jungkook on the phone, who was probably in another car on his way home to his own apartment after the concert, or perhaps already home since his apartment is much closer to Jamsil Olympic Stadium where PTD Seoul was held.

Inside Jimin's residence, he talks about what he does there, basically not a whole lot: eats, sleeps, drinks, has friends over, plays on the computer, and from what we've seen since, he's not much of a decorator.

He wonders if he's revealed too much. I think this was a legitimate question for him, since idols typically do not divulge this sort of thing to the fans. It's plausible to me that Jimin has to unlearn all these preconceived ideas he's had about being an idol in order to forge ahead.

Delivery fried chicken arrives and he runs to get it and runs back to the dining table. Literally runs. The door chimes as it closes. I do love watching him eat. He surely loves his food. A man after my heart.

He talks about how it naturally came about that they needed to have their own spaces. They were maturing young men, they needed their own places even though they'd lived together for so many years. He said their place in Gangnam was so small they put up temporary walls. I believe he was speaking about the house that is now a cafe, Hyuga? He says it was scary living on his own, it was so quiet.

When Jungkook arrives, the door chime sound we hear was different from what it sounded like when Jimin went to the door to get the delivery chicken.

From this footage, we can't know if Jungkook punched in the code and let himself in. Maybe he did, but this footage does not show that. Unless someone is familiar with how that particular door chime sounds when it is unlocked, when it is locked, when it opens and when it closes, we can't know what that chime meant.

We see Jungkook after he's already inside the apartment. He was followed by a camera person. I am certain the camera-person does not have Jimin's apartment's door code. Make of that what you will...perhaps Jungkook came alone and they re-enacted him entering once he got there because it'd be weird if he was just there all of a sudden... we can't know.

Incidentally (fun fact) this is the same jacket Jungkook wore in the video of receiving the President's Award during his university graduation earlier that month (Mar. 2, 2022)... yes, Jeon Jungkook is a university graduate too. He wore a jacket with "QUIT YOUR JOB" across the back of it, to accept a graduation award.... 💀

Anyway back to my delulu...

Jimin and Jungkook are chatting at the table while eating and drinking and get on the topic of their sleeping habits when Jungkook says normally he would take a bath, drink a couple beers and go to sleep and even adds now he goes to sleep earlier. Such a grown up.

Jimin says he falls asleep at 1 a.m. so he must be getting old but it doesn't matter if he falls asleep at 1 a.m. or 6-7 a.m., he sleeps until 4 o'clock in the afternoon.

Jungkook says he decided not to live like that anymore... this the man who in early 2023 was staying up all night to do live broadcasts with us from his living room and waking up his neighbors belting out Unholy, etc... such a grown up.

And then Jungkook says 'oops, I sounded like Yoongi just then, never mind, live how what you want' and whoever that is off-camera wheezing... HAHAHAHAHAHA. Anyway. That whole exchange was... what is it with them? They ride the edge of smart-assy sarcasm and inside jokery with each other constantly. And this time at the expense of Yoongi! HAHAHAHA.

Jimin and Tae sometimes act similarly with each other but it is more role play and nothing like the long-running inside joke Jimin and Jungkook do all the time.

The vibe between them was identical to the one when they were sitting at the dining table that first night of In The Soop 2.

As episode 7 goes on, they show Jimin and Jungkook again, Jungkook is chopping mushrooms and Jimin says "You are doing so well on your own" and "Be careful" and the translation says Jungkook said "okay" but it sounds more to me like a "ayyy stop nagging" sound he made.

Jimin runs behind Jungkook again. Why does Jimin run so much? He's like a nervous, excited little mouse.

They're terrible Youtubers:

The ship wars and solo wars and stupid-things-you-could-ask-during-a-live wars over whether or not Jimin ever ate Jungkook's ramen... FINALLY, after posting all those recipes last year and Jimin saying he wants Jungkook to cook that for him, we see JUNGKOOK HAS COOKED RAMEN FOR JIMIN! Cooked it for him way before any of these wars began too... what a waste of energy.

No, Jimin didn't go over to Jungkook's to eat it, Jungkook came to Jimin and cooked it for him.

Ok, but this is the part that made me need to pause and rewind and write this long-ass post:

Jimin tells us that a friend of his helped him realize he needed to explore the possibility he was depressed.

He recounts the story as they were at Jimin's apartment drinking and they had a small argument. The next morning Jimin wakes up, has totally forgotten the argument and goes over to the friend's to help begin moving. They apologized to each other and the friend came over again that night and the friend said "I think you are severely depressed. You act like you aren't, but you've been acting strange. If you're having a hard time, tell me." Jimin said he didn't think he was having a hard time and the friend told Jimin to take some time to think about it. Jimin says a lot changed after that.

This moment when Jimin is retelling this story, "yet you act like you aren't, but you've been acting strange. If you're having a hard time, tell me." Jimin reaches over and actually touches Jungkook. Look at the way they are looking at each other?

The way Jungkook sat there, looking straight at Jimin while Jimin recounted that conversation/day/moment, chewing on his bottom lip as is his habit, Jungkook nodding during certain points that Jimin was retelling... very very brief moments where body language reveals a lot.

Maybe the "friend" Jimin was supposed to help move, the one who told Jimin he seemed severely depressed... was Jungkook?

You can call me delulu if you want. I see what I see and I hear what I hear.

They have not shown this type of closeness amongst the other members in this entire documentary. And here is Jungkook sitting in Jimin's home, while Jimin tells us this very intimate detail about himself.

If Jungkook was the one... it's plausible, the one who came over to drink, just like they were doing this evening... the one who was moving and Jimin was going to help him. The one who he can look in the eyes and recount this story and his friend can look him straight back in the eye and nod in agreement.

Why retell this story with Jungkook sitting next to him? There were other moments when we know Jungkook is there, he could have been off camera while Jimin told the staff about this intimate moment with his friend. No. He said it while they sat next to each other looking at each other.

It's possible. If not, it seems possible that Jungkook has already heard this story.

Jimin shares more than we've ever heard from him: that he falls into a labyrinth the moment he starts to ponder about what happiness is. He says of course their work and many other things require attention to detail but it's ok if there is vagueness (or imperfection) too. If you get too caught up in the meaning of things (in the importance of things), you feel like you have to risk it all to accomplish them and its ok to let some of it go, enjoy the simplicity of things and not get emotional over everything ... this sounds like Jimin has matured and has tried to push away perfectionism.

He believes he is in a very healthy place mentally right now (at the time of that interview, March 13, 2022) but can't say the same about his body, but he wants to stay healthy as he grows older together with the fans. And Jungkook is still there, but off camera.

This interview was almost two years ago. And now their first solo career endeavors have been accomplished and these two are doing their military obligation together. They've come a long way. We will see them again next year. It won't be as long as it feels.

Anyway, going back to my delulu cave now. Carry on.

#i cried my eyes out #jimin and jungkook #jikook #kookmin #the more i think about the 'friend' the more dots connect #i could also be totally wrong #jungkook does know though #nothing will change the fact they are tight tight

[genericpuff]

the last few episodes of persephone moping around have felt like less of a self-reflective moment for her to grow and change and more rachel griping about criticism and surrounding herself with yes men

this isn't gonna be in any way a formal essay like my usual sort, more of a slam post honestly, so fair warning that i'm gonna be a little salty here

EPISODE 263 SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

but seriously, it's been a pity party of greek proportions because this constant "woe is me" shit with persephone that's constantly met with "no queeen you're amazing and perfect" has been going on for DAYS (real time and comic time)

literally every episode since the comic returned has had some segment of either persephone or hades (or both) being upsetti spaghetti over their current situation because oh nooo persephone made the deal with erebus and had to sacrifice something. even though they both knew that was gonna happen and yet she did it anyways. so she just continues to lock herself away in her mansion and spout adorkable quips while her husband, mother, and colleagues deal with the mess she caused.

and of course there's the constant inclusion of apollo spitting straight facts about persephone being a terrible queen and person, but of course because it's apollo saying it, it's not meant to be taken as gospel, essentially clapping back at the words of the critics who call out persephone for being a shitty and toxic protagonist by putting those words into the mouth of a literal rapist.

and yeah episode 263 had a lot of the same shit, to the point that you could literally swap out the names of the characters and the words they were speaking and it applies exactly to rachel and the corner she put herself in u.u it's been a thing for a while now that apollo has just felt like a mouthpiece for LO criticism but as mentioned by users within the subreddit during the discussion of this newest episode, it's never felt more apparent than now.

so yeah enjoy this satirical text edit of a sequence from the newest FP episode, which I honestly can't tell is meant to satirize the critical community or Rachel's reactions to the critical community because the weird reality this comic and its community exist in has just become that wack that it's hard to believe it's not directly from The Onion sometimes LMAO

-and as much as i find myself empathizing with the pressure that rachel is surely under right now - no one should have to be subject to the screeching howls of the peanut gallery - i can't help but be reminded of the memes and tweets she's put out that basically outright say "persephone is supposed to be celebrated for being a shitty person, if you can't handle her at her worst you don't deserve her at her best 💅"-

-and how often she's ruined her own day looking for critical groups or people with the "wrong opinions" that were minding their own business, or how much she's stifled her own community's attempts to discuss the story openly by having her mods ban anyone with even so much as a question regarding persephone's integrity.

so yeah, as much as i can empathize with her from one creator to another that being under this amount of pressure and scrutiny must be immensely frustrating and exhausting, beyond that one similarity i just can't empathize or relate to this mindset of almost learned helplessness that's taken a firm grip over her writing. this is the story she wants to tell and by all means no one is entitled to make her stop, but if she's gonna keep using her greek myth "retelling" comic that's trying to be "feminist" as a mouthpiece for her own griping over criticisms that are largely on-point and justified - to the point of putting the words of her critics into the mouth of her token villain like she's playing some single player barbie doll "act out that fight that sounded cooler in your head" game - then she's gonna keep getting called out, full stop. i figured she didn't have any nose left to rip off in spite of her face but apparently not.

look, i get it, there are some opinions and behaviors within the critical community that even i'm not on board with. there are people who absolutely take shit too far on both sides of the fandom, and i think both sides need to do more to hold themselves accountable for how they interact with each other, the comic, and rachel herself. i make it a point to keep my shit in my own house, i'm not entitled to rachel's attention and frankly it's the last thing i want because i have a lot of fun here and i don't want that to be potentially ruined or dampened! but if you come into my house and complain about the decorating, then i legitimately don't know what to tell you. i used to love LO and i'm so sad for my past self knowing fully well they're not gonna be able to wholeheartedly enjoy this comic forever due to how manipulative and shitty the storytelling has become. a story that i once connected to as an AFAB who was a victim of assault and abuse and generational trauma.

if persephone being the true main villain in her own story was ever meant to be the point of Lore Olympus, then it's taken way, way too long to get to that point, and rachel herself definitely doesn't seem to be of the mindset that that's what she's become with all of her blasé meme'ing on a plot arc that she's still expecting us to take seriously. persephone was never a very complex character to begin with - being an easy self-insert for the audience and rachel to project themselves onto and relate to - but at least in the beginning she felt like she had so much legitimate potential, she was naive but put her best foot forward and clearly wanted to make a life for herself, made by herself.

now she's just mean. jaded and mean. dependent on the constant validation of others to the point of being manipulative. an absolute shell of a person who can only grow a spine when she's punching down on people weaker than her, completely incapable of standing up to the people who are a legitimate threat to her. it's not empowering, it's not subversive, it's just another pick me story about women pitting themselves against other women and never taking accountability for their own behavior, mistakes, and deliberate actions meant to hurt others, often teetering on the line of straight up narcissism all for the sake of a "boss babe" moment.

anyways, if you want an actual well-written and GOOD scene of an empathetic female protagonist struggling to find their footing in adulthood being called the fuck out for their learned helplessness behavior, go read Tamberlane, it tackles this topic much better through its main character who keeps using her brokenness as an excuse to never do better, it slaps and it's so real.

#the only thing i could possibly enjoy from these episodes is minthe coming forward #and leuce #and tori #other than that they're just a bunch of nothing #no plot #no yeehaw #just boohoo #and not even in the good way where you know the 'boohoo' is gonna lead to some good yeehaw #the shitty and toxic way where the 'boohoo' is a personality trait that everyone else has to bend themselves around #lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #lo critical #Instagram

[synthetickitsune]

Vanishing Act ✧ y.jh

Pairing: Yoon Jeonghan x gn!reader Genre: angst Summary: He's a coward. Knowing he's doing the right thing means little when he's doing it in the worst way possible - but it's the only way that Jeonghan's able to do it. Word count: 2.3k Warnings: abandonment, running away before the wedding A/N: On today's episode of why am i doing this to myself... ♫ Prásknu Bičem - Štěpán Kozub, Jiří Kohut ♫ What Could Have Been - Sting, Ray Chen

The morning mocks him.

Since when is it this bright this early?

Must be the ending spring. The season is slowly coming to an end and the blossoms fall, the colors step back to make room for the lively green. The animals will raise their young now.

He feels his heart in his throat. No, not his heart. More like a lump of something that's long since died and went cold. On a second thought, though, isn’t that what his heart is? Isn’t that what it feels like? Perhaps not entirely, but things would be easier if that was how it is.

His palms are sweaty, he's all sticky and disgusting with cold sweat. His own heartbeat is rushing in his ears. He can't hear anything. Everything he sees is a blur. Then again, that one is his own fault as he madly, almost hysterically keeps shaking his head and frantically looks around the room for anything that he could grab. Just one thing would be good enough.

He’d do anything to avoid looking at you but you’re all he can see.

The car will be here in about ten minutes. 

He needs to get a move on, but then he would need to focus and all he can focus on is you - still fast asleep and unaware. Right up to the last moment.

He went to great lengths to ensure it would stay that way.

He knows it’s cruel. He hopes it will make you hate him enough to forget everything.

He spots the note on your bedside table. The pieces of paper torn from his journal; the couple pages that he wanted to fill with words but that ended up empty, safe for a pathetic i'm sorry.

His hand still itches to reach for the papers, for pen, to write and to explain. He doesn't let himself give in. He knows the words would continue to evade him even if he tried. It’d be impossible to write anything that would justify the annihilation he's about to cause if he was the greatest poet to ever live.

Asking for forgiveness would be pointless and the greatest sin.

He doesn’t want you to hate him. He truly doesn’t. But he sees no other way this could end, and he understands. He’s not stupid. So he doesn’t ask for you to forgive him, yet even just those three lonely words seem like cowardice.

Because he is a coward.

A pathetic, no good coward that can't even look at you.

He knows if he did he wouldn't see you - not only you.

He would see the venue.��

The beautiful flowers you've spent weeks picking come to mind first. You’ve never fought, it was always you two having conversations and discussions that he wouldn't hesitate to call downright study sessions. It felt like going back in time to when you were students as you've set over books upon books on flower language. You both wanted the blossoms to be meaningful. 

Going through the final list in his head now, he has to bite down on his own fist to avoid screaming, to muffle the choked and broken sob tearing itself from his throat.

There are so many eternities, confessions of the purest forms of love, hopes and promises - all of them now empty. Or that's how you will see them, and maybe that's for the best.

Looking at you, he would also see the simple yet elegant white decor of the venue. The white that will turn into the color of sadness that it is. He will never get to see it filled with guests. And you will never get to wear the beautiful surprise he has to see - that he won't get to see for he’s not a masochist enough to look into the other room where it lies hidden. He won’t do that to himself. Though he supposes if it’s white you’ve decided to wear, it still might, appropriately, serve function as a mourning gown.

Will you choose to hurt yourself more? Not on purpose. He knows you won’t be able to help your curiosity. You won’t resist the dread. There, of course, will be no reason to trust him anymore, or he might’ve added to the poor imitation of a goodbye letter to not look for him, to stay away from the venue altogether. 

Why would you try to search for him, though? Isn’t his i’m sorry telling enough? Will you think he’s only teasing? He hopes not. He would never be so cruel as to joke about this. Even if he supposes it will look like this - your relationship, the next step you were supposed to take - was all a joke to him.

It wasn’t.

He wants you to know that, but he knows even if he tried telling you, you wouldn’t believe him. Not after what he’ll have done.

Every new thought feels like a punch to the gut and it makes him nearly double over. Will you walk down the aisle? Will you be crying? Of course you will, and it makes his heart shrivel up thinking about you looking for him, uselessly, with tears streaming down your cheeks. Will your parents be there? Will they hold you so you don't fall apart instead of guiding you forward to entrust you to him?

What will they think? Will they curse the man who hurt their baby? They should. They should curse him. Burn all the memories of him - the photos, gifts, all that he’s bound to forget or simply leave behind because he physically can't remove everything that’s his or that will remind you of him but oh, he would if he only could.

Your parents should finish the job if he can't. For once, they should ignore your cries and just do it.

Let him burn and turn to ashes for breaking your heart, for causing hurt so deep and irreparable that he knows you’ll never fully recover from it.

Jeonghan will carry the scar too, deep on his heart and soul.

How can he do this to you?

He can't think about it. He can't. He will lose his mind.

His fingers are pulling on the roots of his hair and he barely feels a thing even as some give way.

He’ll hurt you so bad.

He knows.

He wishes he didn't but he knows. He knows how much it will hurt. He’s suffering too, he’s hurting too.

But he has no right to hope for relief or to complain.

Knowing he's doing the right thing brings no comfort when he's doing it in the worst way possible. It's the only way he can do it, though.

He's been living in despair, he's driven himself crazy thinking about how to do this - how to hurt you as little as possible. There's no such way; nothing he can do to make this anything but destructive. And there's no other way to do it that he could pull off either. No other way he could go through with this without backing out.

How pathetic is he?

Sitting, collapsed, in the corner with both hands covering his mouth so that he doesn't wake you up, choking on his own sobs. He can't see through tears, and he has no right to, yet all he wants is to see you one final time.

He wants to see you so much. His heart can’t break any more. 

He needs to see you. 

Even though it means seeing all that will never come to be, all that he will regret not being able to give you.

Jeonghan knows what everyone is going to say about him - that he’s heartless, a sadist, and an asshole the world would be better off without.

He knows.

And they will all be right.

Then again, however, wouldn't the alternative be equally as cruel?

Because Jeonghan also knows that he could go through with the wedding. He could stay, he could live with you, could spend the rest of his life with you - and he’s helpless because he wants it so much it hurts.

He wants to keep waking up with you, he wants to keep coming home to you, wants to keep holding you, wants to feel your fingers in his hair.

He wants all of that, forever.

And perhaps that’s the problem.

No matter how much he wants it, he doesn’t feel it. Perhaps he just wants to be able to stay complacent in the life that seems like it’s been all laid out for him. The one route he could take and never have to worry again.

He wants it - for heaven’s sake he wants it so much, he wants it but it’s like he’s forcing himself to walk on burning embers. And that’s not what he wants. He wants it to be like before, for everything to flow naturally, not like he’s forcing it down his own throat only to satisfy everyone but himself.

He can do it for long enough, but he can’t do that for the rest of his life. 

His heart breaks, and he breaks, and his damn tears won't stop so he could look at you.

He wants so much.

But Jeonghan is anything but selfish.

As cold as the nights without you will be, they won't be as bad as the dread and the sinking feeling in his stomach that he got every time you’d talk about the future.

He doesn’t know where it came from, nor is he sure when it started.

All he knows is that he can't give you what you want.

Maybe it's just that the concept of marriage, all that it’s supposed to mean and be, is putting too much pressure on him. Maybe he's just not ready.

He doesn't know - he wishes he did, he wants to know what's wrong so bad that it’s killing him. Because if he knew, then he could solve it. He could ask for more time to work it out but while he wants you, imagining the married life makes his heartbeat race in a way that makes him nauseous and his throat closes up. He panics so bad that he can’t feel his limbs and gets paralyzed. All he can think of is running away somewhere; somewhere home where he will be isolated from time and the world.

Perhaps it's just that he only loves the idea of ‘you’. Someone familiar, loving, safe.

When did it all go wrong?

He wants to go back to when his love for you was bright and warm, not anxiety- and nausea-inducing.

He tried to change how he feels but he is only a flawed, imperfect human and some things are just beyond his control. If he thought about it deeply enough, he could figure out the pieces and recreate the bigger picture of how it all came to this. He could, it’d be so easy - but he's not strong enough.

He can't do anything but swallow whimper after whimper because his vision finally focused for long enough to see you.

You, who’s still sleeping so peacefully, relaxed and happy and satisfied. You’re almost glowing. Will you be able to ever lit up like that again? In your dreams, you must be married to him already. He must avoid robbing you of that as well.

He’s already taken, taking, so much.

Watching you, the list gets longer and his eyes overflow again.

You've always talked about having a family. 

Who's going to give it to you now?

It's nonsense but his eyes that are barely able to make out shapes through tears drift to the empty spot between your chest and your arm. A baby, a cat, a puppy - you’ve never decided properly - would fit there so nicely and snuggly. It would feel your warmth and the reassuring safety your embrace provides. He’d know.

It's just another thing he can't give you.

Another reason he needs to leave. To disappear.

You need to move on and forget him.

You need to hate him so much that you will make your life the best one out of pure spite.

He knows that's not how it works but he needs to pretend.

As the final act of self-preservation he needs to persuade himself you can be fine without him even if it will take a while. 

And he truly wants to believe that.

He can’t live in a world where he broke you without any hope of you ever getting better.

His phone starts buzzing in his back pocket and he wipes his face furiously before grabbing his backpack and the couple bags he’s packed and bolting out the door without looking back. If he turns back to steal one last look, he knows he will stay and doom both of you.

He only allows himself a second to close the front door gingerly, leaning his forehead against the wood for another second.

He will miss the home you've had.

It was a good one - the best one he’s had, actually.

He doesn't meet Seungcheol’s or Joshua's eyes once he gets into the car.

It's obvious from the tense silence that greets him that they want to yell at him some more, try to make him talk to you about it like the one extra scolding would make a difference. 

And to be perfectly honest Jeonghan isn't sure he could stand his ground in his current state - but that's precisely the reason why his friends keep their mouth shut.

They only share a concerned look.

For as tough and determined as Jeonghan seemed telling them about it and asking for their help - because he couldn't trust anyone with his life like he could these two - he is a mess now it all came to a head.

Seungcheol turns the key and starts the car without a word.

The engine roars to life and as they drive away, Jeonghan can see the window to your bedroom getting smaller and smaller, the sun reflected in it dying with each meter.

But that's okay.

Something inside him is dying too.

#seventeen reactions #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen x reader #seventeen angst #jeonghan scenarios #jeonghan x reader #jeonghan angst #svt scenarios #svt reactions #svt angst #fanfic #angst

[respectthepetty]

I started to watch Kiseki last week thanks to my dash. My original plan was to bingewatch it after it`s finished if it has a happy ending which might have been wiser. However I am obsessed with Ai Di and Chen Yi. I think it`s interesting that Chen Yi tells Ai Di that they have to be quiet during their first night because Ai Di would get angry if he heard. I am not sure how he wouldn`t recognise Ai Di even if he is drunk because they have always been together but that`s not the point. He clearly cares about Ai Di and doesn`t want to upset him. But how does he know that Ai Di would hear them? Has he heard Ai Di with another man and has he been mad? Even though he calls Ai Di brother at that point he seems awfully upset when Ai Di is with other men and drags him away from them.

Anon, you didn't know this when you sent it, but I am the wrong person to ask.

I'm stressed.

I'm spiraling.

I'm laying in a field of lavender trying to snort the stems in an attempt to chill the fuck out.

All because Kiseki: Dear to Me's finale is so close that I feel it, yet I'm terrified the scene we are all clinging to from the extended trailer is a fake-out, and we are about to be MODC-ed all over again.

If this doesn't make sense to you, GOOD! Stay innocent, anon. Three episodes ago, I was worried about the same thing as you, but here I am on the eve of the eve of the finale, and I can't bring myself to fathom the show will kill someone, even though IT ALREADY KILLED SOMEONE!

But if you do know what I'm writing about, Anon, HOW ARE YOU SO CALM RIGHT NOW?! At least calm enough to send me this ask on the eve of the eve of the finale?! How is Laws of Attraction the only show to know the value of a bulletproof vest unlike all these mafia BLs WHERE IT SHOULD BE A GIVEN?!

And you're just as cool as a caterpillar on a leaf. I'm the caterpillar in the cocoon dissolving into liquid mush freaking the fuck out about death and bulletproof vests, while you are munching on the good bits of this story. Teach. Me. Your. Ways. I'm over here praying to all the santos about a FICTIONAL CHARACTER! My ancestors are judging me right now. So is God.

So due to divine shade, I'll try to answer your question - Chen Yi admitted he was always jealous of Eddie being with other people which is why he was dragging Eddie's ass out of places, (so I can't imagine him being on your level of chill if he heard Eddie having sex with someone else), but Chen Yi didn't realize that it was jealously and possessiveness until Eddie was . . .

Until Eddie WASN'T THERE!

See, I'm already detouring again! Because what will Eddie do if Chen Yi ISN'T THERE?!

I don't care if this chick is Zhang Teng's sister avenging his death or just has a crush on Baker Boy. She is the sole female character, and as a feminist who supports female wrongs, if she is the shooter, Mortal Kombat "FINISH HER ASS"

I support the gays, the goths, and the girls, but in the words of a woman who got it, Jane Austen,

Had not my feelings decided against you, sus high school girlie— had they been indifferent, or had they even been favorable, do you think that any consideration would tempt me to accept the woman who has been the means of ruining, perhaps forever, the happiness of a most beloved menace?

She better have really gone to the dumpster to throw that glass she just conveniently broke and helps step in to save Chen Yi when she witnesses the shooting because if not . . .

"FUCK"

#kiseki: dear to me #I can't be rational about this show #I'm losing it #someone come pat my head and tell me I'm too pretty for this stress #I need them to be happy #I don't want an apology tour from Taiwan! #Chen Yi better believe in bulletproof vests #don't do this to me again Taiwan #don't you dare! #don't make me beg #because I will #knees to cruel gravel #forehead on your shoe #don't do this to me!

[itsclydebitches]

Okay istg I'm going to bed but I've just gotta toss out some Trent thoughts so I don't forget them:

Agree with others that having their last conversation be Ted essentially getting Trent to tone his nerves/excitement down feels... very wrong. Especially after the "but he's our dork" scene.

Specifically, wrong in the sense that I feel like Ted spends this entire episode in a gloomy, uncertain place where he's not acting like his normal, supportive self, a conflict that should have been resolved by staying in London. So if it's any consolation I think this speaks more to the larger issue of the ending than anything about Trent in particular

However, LOVE that Trent announces he won't make any changes to his book... and then changes the title for Ted :)

Was Golden Girls the last t-shirt? Trying to see the significance in that. Kinda half wondering if something changed/if Lance got the order wrong (assuming another scene would be last, though idk enough about production to say how likely that is)

Ted would have been at the book signing, the same way he would have been at Beard's wedding (however awful). I kinda get the separation of Ted on the plane vs. the montage of everyone else's future (even though that separation made it confusing for a moment by implying it was all a dream), but why not just include him in those key moments? It would have gone a long way towards softening the Kansas blow and not implied that Ted left and then never bothered to interact with these people ever again, even during their most significant personal and professional moments!

I'm focusing on Trent istg

He whips off his blazer during the success of the Sound of Music performance. I know it's only been like an hour since the finale dropped, but we're already not talking about that enough

Also I'm choosing to believe that Trent was the one to suggest that given their previous conversation

He's a full-fledged Diamond Dog now with no embarrassment or hesitation, hell YES

I know it's controversial, but I personally like that we never learned the name of his daughter. Yeah it sucks from a canonical standpoint (and I totally get why others are frustrated when we met so many other family members like Roy's sister), but now the fandom gets to continue the tradition of coming up with wild names for her and I, for one, think we deserve that

You just know he saved that "I loved it!" comment from Ted. Everyone is out there scrambling for a Crimm autograph now and Trent's got a nice note from Ted framed in his house you can't convince me otherwise

Okay that's all I've got for now. @everyone writing fix-it fics, myself included: chop-chop :)

#Ted Lasso #Ted Lasso spoilers #Trent Crimm #Tedependent

[sparxaf]

The Inscrutability of Alex

So I might be working on an S7 Alex fic. I mean, I'm probably not working that. But I could be. Maybe. Anyway, for mysterious reasons, I decided to replay the current episodes because I found myself confused by a couple things with Alex. And a second playthrough left me even more confused. I sent @mrsbsmooth a nearly three minute, babbling voice note, asking her if I was missing something, because I cannot figure out how to write him.

This character is described by multiple others as having "golden retriever" energy. Something he absolutely does not have. I'd say he's not even that playful. It's just bizarre for anyone to say that. Nothing about him is overly energetic. Both Raf and Bryson are much better described like that. Alex has the most whistle-whilst-mowing-the-lawn-in jorts-dad energy ever. Golden retriever he is not.

So okay, his energy doesn't match the description. That's not a huge issue on its own. But like...who is he? He says he's not cocky, just confident.

Hmmm. Never is a strong word, innit?

Now, a less cynical person might say that Fusebox is just writing a realistic depiction of someone who is unaware of his own cockiness, but since I am a cynical asshole, I'm saying that Fusebox is not in the business of nuance. They make the same amount of money whether they spend the extra energy to give it depth or not. So they're never gonna bother with that. This is just inconsistent writing. Now, we all know that Alex's most overtly acknowledged trait is his desire to "Take things slow." He says he's looking for the one, and he's not gonna rush that. He knows things move fast there, but he still wants to take his time. He didn't kiss Estelle on the first night. He was uncomfortable with Summer being so forward before he knew anything about her. So how does a guy who takes things slow answer a question from a virtual stranger about what he does for a living?

A dirty joke. Yes, very much setting the tone for his lack of cockiness and his desire to take things slow 🙄 Though I do enjoy MC responding with "Very presumptive, but good to know." 😆😆😆 Not to mention, when he finds out you can snog during the icebreaker, he's not like, "Um too soon." Instead his eyes light up like he can't wait. It's so baffling. So let's say maybe he's just a slow mover who is also really flirty by nature. That feels like he's sending mixed signals at best and manipulating you at the worst. Now this one really threw me for a loop. There's a gem scene where you can ask the boys to tell you something cute about themselves. Alex tells a story about having a crush on a gym bunny and how it led him to weightlifting in order to ask her out. But he kept putting it off and by the time he finally got the nerve, she was already dating someone. So he learned not to hesitate. He learned to just go for it.

Um... what? That's a strange perspective to have for someone whose entire ethos is "Take it slow." Now, I'm aware that he is very straight forward with MC about where his head is at, so perhaps he just meant that he doesn't waste time letting someone know he's interested, but he still wants to take the relationship slow? I don't know. Last, but not least, on night one, you couldn't even kiss Alex (unless I'm misremembering). You could only snuggle. But on night two, Alex says he still wants to take it slow, but he wants to a little something. So the game gives us some options. And the first choice was to do bits. Now, this might be my fault, but I assumed that "bits" in this case would be some kissing and making out. Heavy petting. Maybe some under the clothes touching. But, to my utter shock, no it's not just a heavy make out sesh. Nope. He finger blasts you. He straight up bypasses the face lips and tiddies, and goes straight to rubbing the bean and shoving a digit inside of your person. It's an awfully intimate act for someone like him who's only been alone with you three times, and beyond challenge smooches (if you chose to even take those), has still never really made out with, nor kissed you privately. I would like to clarify that I'm not judging how fast or slow anyone goes in their personal lives. But I am I'm judging this character's pace in relation to the things he's been saying about his pace.

I wrote most of this before the last batch of episodes so I'll only lightly touch on the fact that Alex seems nearly ready to ask you to marry him the day after bringing you to the villa. So "taking it slow" really went out the window altogether.

Long story long, there are aspects to Alex I like. I mean, I'm writing him right now (OR AM I?) so it's not all bad. But it's really hard to attempt any canon reinterpretation, when I can't even sort out what canon is.

It just doesn't make sense. Is he cocky or not? Is he a slow mover or does he believe in not wasting time? Is he an inner city gym rat bro, or is he a home-on-the-range papa who wants to build you a cottage, and make babies? Is his whole "slow burn" thing some kind of manipulation to hide that he's a fuckboy (which would be hilarious) or he's just very badly written?

I love a good, lively conversation, so go ahead and let me know your thoughts. But for those who are rather... overly invested in Alex, feel free to yell at me about his perfection and how wrong and dumb I am. I look forward to deleting your vitriol.

#litg fanfic #love island the game #litg s7 #litg stick or twist #litg alex #litg alex makes no sense #does he take it slow or not? #finger-gate

[vesora]

forgiving yourself and others

this is less of a loa post and more of a personal one. for the sake of this post I will refer to soras life as "i". this is not a cohesive post at all

since things that are happening right now in my family life and personal life that reminded me of some things i said or did in the past i decided to do shadow work

to be honest growing up i was taught to stifle my real personality and go along with what society wants from me because my mother had a mentality that others need to know we are all okay and good in the public eye. This led me to be a perfectionist who can't handle mistakes and wants to please everyone even if it went against what I believed in. Reading back old texts I realised how ashamed I am of who I was back then. I was so stuck in this victim mentality of wanting others to like me that I never asked myself whether I like myself.

I've always wanted to be seen and heard by people. As a desi living in Greece, the most affected minority is us because we are privy to the most migrant attacks. Although I've stopped experiencing racism now due to the law I feel that the "past" me even up to last year was bitter that the desi community wasn't receiving any help by the global media. I always put myself down and that manifested in an outer expression of passive aggression.

To be honest, the past few months have been so transformative for me. I feel completely new and honest. I have a huge time with my own mistakes but have forgiven everyone else in my life and I think that's unfair to me.

Realising that it's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to fuck up, it's okay

I mean even writing this i hate it because I want to ruminate over my mistakes for a lifetime but I've grown so much and I've learned how to be better not only to myself but to others as well.

All I've ever wanted is to make people happy. I'm not saying this because I want to establish a positive image of myself, I genuinely mean it. I have no enemies and all I ever want is to grow as a person and understand different world views and how people operate. My entire life my main goal was to help people because it was never fair how one person could have the world and the other person didn't have a bed to sleep in. All I wanted was for people to be safe and happy. Spending countless nights crying because i felt I couldn't help the world and then I found loa and everything changed. Yet, when I had to stop volunteering and helping refugees from multiple places because of university, I felt like the worst person on earth. If I want to help others, I must first help myself.

Now, I am the most honest I have ever been in my life. LOA helped me a lot because this is exactly what I wanted, to be free. I still have BPD episodes and depressive episodes from time to time but I feel more stable than ever.

Forgive yourself and learn to grow, it's okay. Even though I don't fully believe this yet, I don't feel I deserve this happiness, we are in this journey together. I forgave everyone now it's time to forgive myself.

#personal #forgiveness

[folkwhorerain]

I wish I knew you wanted me.

tess servopoulos x gn!reader.

gif not mine.

Summary: you have always liked Tess, but you were certain she liked Joel so you never made a move. When the lunch with two new people she's been talking to lead to a sensitive topic, your crush for the woman might get exposed.

Warnings: language (?), angst but with a fluffy end.

Author's note: I only wrote 3 fanfictions in my entire life so I'm sorry if this is lame or the writing isn't as good as you expected, but I promise I tried hard to at least make you enjoy an idea that's been in my head since I saw episode three. This was requested by me in a post I made a few days ago but then I pulled a Thanos and said "fine, I'll do it myself".

One last thing, English is not my first language so I'm really sorry if there are any mistakes. I tried my best to fix any error I could find.

Enjoy!!

You and Tess didn't have friends… or rather, you didn't have friends beside Joel. So when you heard her say she was talking to a man over the radio you couldn't believe your ears.

"Him and his partner seem nice." Tess informed you, cleaning the counter next to the one you were sitting on. "If this goes well they could be a really good resource for us."

Us. Obviously she was talking about her and Joel, but you got a sparkle of hope she meant you as well, if just as a friend you didn't mind kinda.

”I thought we couldn't trust anyone." You told her the same words she told you not a long time a ago, wiggling your feet nervously.

She laughed. "Joel said the same." And with that she placed the rag into the sink. "He's not too please with this situation either, but I made up my mind."

Tess was the one who often made decisions for both you and Joel. Since you met her a few years ago, when you finally found the QZ, you can't recall the times when she really gave the opportunity for Joel to change plans when smuggling shit… or just in general. She liked to boss him around and, since you became her friend, she did the same with you. Not that you cared, though. She was better than you at making tough decision and you were better than her at getting her out of her shell when she needed it.

That's why your duo worked and you were great together. It would be amazing if you didn't have that stupid crush on her. It would've been even more fantastic if she didn't have a crush on Joel, or so you thought.

You sighed, licking your lips. You were tapping nervously the marble you were sitting on with your index finger, thinking of all the things that could possibly go wrong. "We're not fucking going, Tess."

•••

That conversation was a few days ago, but giving the fact that she can be very convincing and you can't say no to her, there you were: sitting at the table with Joel and Tess and two people who you learnt were Bill and Frank.

You had to admit the place was nice and well taken care of. Frank was a sweet person with so much love for the little things, Bill was quite the opposite with a paranoid nature, but cooked a meal that made your mouth water just by the sight.

Overall, you felt comfortable with them. Mostly Frank because Bill hasn't stopped staring at you, Tess and Joel like he wanted to shoot you for the entire time, and the gun he kept on the table like he was the hunter and you were the preys didn't really help either.

"Thank you for inviting us" said Tess, taking a sip of the wine Frank just poured in her glass a few moments before. "I gotta say that, gun aside, which I get by the way," she stopped to look at Bill, hoping all her gratitude could be felt by the most cynic one of the couple. "How nice it is to have a civilized meal in such a beautiful place."

Seeing how much Tess was relaxed with the presence of the men, you smiled a little. "Yeah, thank you for the warmth you showed us, too. We really needed that." You said, which was gladly appreciated by Tess, knowing that it has been hard for you agreeing to this meeting.

Joel, on the other hand, remained silent, looking at Bill the entire time. The whole situation started to look more like a staring competition.

Bill just put the gun off the table, not letting his walls down that easily just for a speech that, if you didn't know Tess enough to tell she was serious, could fairly enough pass for a fake praise.

"Well…" Frank smiled, taking Bill's hand who just side eyed him. "It's nice to see there's still decent people willing to work peacefully and help others. Help that will be returned, of course."

You let out a small thank you, not really being the talkative one of the group. Then Frank added something that made you almost choke on your food and your heart drop to your stomach.

"It's also nice to see a great couple like you and Joel try to fight for love in a shitty situation like the one we're living in."

You could've noticed Tess cringe slightly at that if your eyes didn't start watering.

If only he knew how her walls only crumbled down when she was with you. How she muttered an "I love you" whenever you passed out after a drinking competition with Joel or how she would steal your shirts because "mine are all stained with the blood of some motherfucker I hit during smuggling" when, in reality, she felt safe whenever she worn anything yours.

"Excuse me." You let out a shaky breath before getting up and fast walking to the back of the house.

Joel glanced at Tess and nodded to the brunette to check on you. She sighed quitely before smiling politely and excusing herself.

You were about to crumble when you felt a firm hand grab your arm, making you turn around.

"Hey, what has gotten into you?" Tess asked you with a concerned look.

You didn't answer. You couldn't or else you would've had to tell her why your heart ached everytime someone thought her and Joel were together and how you wished she never realises they might be right.

"What? Cat got your tongue or there's a fucking clicker around?” she whispered the last part, teasing you like she always did, a fake worry on her face to disguise the real concern she felt for you.

"Ah-ah! Very funny, Theresa!" You turned around again, not having the strength to look at her when your tears were urging to come out.

"Uh-oh!" she said, her teasing nature never leaving her. "You only call me by my full name when you're angry."

When she saw you weren't giving her an answer anytime soon, she frowned. She knew you could be as secretive as her, therefore she never forced you to talk about whatever was bothering you, but now it was different; as much as she didn't want to admit it, not knowing what was bothering you was killing her.

"Look, I know something's bothering you and I need to know, 'cause the silent treatment is getting fucking annoying." Her tone was firm and calm, but you could hear that hint of annoyance that was haunting her. "If I did something wrong—"

"You didn't do anything." You sighed, running a hand through your hair. The pressure you felt become unbearable when you closed your eyes to try and ease your headache that, of course, become persistent like the brunette who was waiting for some sort of explanation.

"Well, okay. Then what is it?" She placed both her hands on her hips, staring at you with so much force you thought you could turn into pudding in that very moment. You hated the effect she had on you. It was worse than the symptoms cordyceps caused. She was the reason you could lose your mind at any moment, the only reason you could really get violent if any motherfucker even tried to hurt her.

"Y/N."

"You and Joel are so cute together!" You mocked what Frank said minutes before, the thought making you groan in frustration.

She looked at you with a puzzled expression, not understanding where the conversation was going. "What are you—"

Then it hit her. There was a deeper meaning to the harsh glances you always gave Joel whenever he would look at Tess much more for your liking. Now she understood why you never wanted her to go smuggling with him alone and she understood the reason of your overprotective nature anytime she was in trouble.

"Oh, I see…"

The frown on your face was inevitable when she stepped so close to you that you had to take a few steps back. Her stare was now holding a new light you didn't know the meaning of yet. "You're jealous."

The stupid smile adorning her face was infuriating. She was pleased by your jealousy? And for what? So she could tease you everyday for not feeling the same? So she could get even more clingy to Joel just to hurt you?

Her face softened when she saw your eyes were glossy, placing her hands on both your cheeks when you tried to hide your face.

"I wish I knew…" she breathed out, placing a strain of hair behind your ear. The sudden serious expression and the sweetness in her gestures surprised you.

Your head immediately snapped at her. "Why? So you and Joel can throw your relationship in my face?!"

She was a little taken aback by the hint of bitterness in your words, incredolus you would actually think she'd play you like that.

"You really think I would do that?" The hurt on her voice was evident, even though she tried to hide it with a harsh glance.

You shrugged your shoulder. You knew you weren't thinking clearly. Tess, your Tess, the one who has always been there for you through thick and thin, who helped you process your loved one's deaths, the one who almost killed a civilian who tried to rob you of your ration cards, she would never hurt you like that.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes, trying to ease the tension you felt on your shoulders. Angry at yourself for how your irrationality was getting the best of you. "No, you wouldn't."

"Good." She smiled briefly at your words. "There's nothing between me and Joel, Y/N. Quite the opposite… he's been fucking teasing me for months about my stupid crush on you."

You widened your eyes, not believing what she just confessed. You tried to process her words as fast as possible, then a smirk crossed your face. "So you like me, ms. Servopoulos?"

She rolled her eyes at you and took you by the collar of your shirt. "Fuck you."

You laughed at that, feeling like the weight of the world got off of you.

"You really never noticed?" She had this incredulous expression in her face and you suddenly felt dumb. Did you really never notice? Did that mean that the times she would touch your hand for a time too long to be considered just an affectionate gesture hid something deeper? That the steady looks she gave people in the streets who looked at you too much for her liking were just a consequence of her jealousy and not her just being the wary woman she has always been?

"No? I mean, you've always been so secretive with… basically everything!" You tried to defend yourself.

She laughed like you said the funniest joke she ever heard. "Y/N, you're so fucking oblivious!"

Now you were embarrassed as fuck. How could you be so stupid?

"But it's cute." She was quick to add when she noticed how mortified you looked.

You watched her carefully with a slight pink covering your cheeks and noticed her eyes shifted briefly to your lips, so you took the opportunity to ask something you wanted to ask for a really long time.

"Can I kiss—"

"Shut the fuck up." And with that she kissed you.

Suddenly the world went quiet and the hole you felt right in your chest was fullfilled by a feeling you have been chasing since you heard of it, but never had the pleasure to experience. All your life you've been seeking for survival, you thought the only thing that mattered was going on and not getting killed, but you were wrong. Oh boy, you were so wrong. You didn't seek for survival, you seeked for Tess' left hand on your neck when she deepened the kiss, you seeked for the wine hanging on her tongue when she explored the insides of your mouth, you seeked for her other hand grabbing your hips in a way that took your breath away. You seeked for the gasps only her she could let you out from now on. You seeked to live for her and with her for as long as the fate would allow the both of you.

When you broke the kiss and opened your eyes, you felt stupid for not realising the love and admiration she felt for you. It was all there, you could see it in her eyes how she craved you like a starving woman. How she wanted to get into you, to be all over your body and grow into your lungs, brain and heart, not leaving room for any other person who could have your smiles and good days alongside your bad ones. You saw how she wanted to claim you and cherish you. How she wanted to worship you like a believer does with God.

You gave her one last kiss and then hugged her, placing both your hands on her hips like the clingy person you could be around her.

"You already want to get into my pants?" She teased you, raising an eyebrow. "Geez Y/N. Take me to a fucking date first or shits like that."

"You idiot." You shook your head, giving her a peck on the lips. "Shall we go back to the table?"

She nodded, kissing the back of your hand. "We shall."

When you got back to where three men where waiting, Joel gave you and the brunette a knowing look and you slightly nodded at him.

"You okay, Y/N?" Frank asked you with a genuine concern you appreciated.

You just looked at Tess with a stare that said more than words could ever do.

"I'm more than okay."

Frank looked at the two of you and grinned, taking a bite of his steak, realising the mistake he made before you left the table.

"Well, I guess I got the person wrong."

Tess briefly chuckled at that, giving you one last look that held all the love she never knew she could feel again towards someone.

"You did."

Well, that was it. I hope it satisfied your expectations!

#the last of us #tlou fanfiction #tess servopoulos x reader #tess servopoulos #tess tlou #tess x reader #anna torv #tlou hbo

[mikuni14]

Pit Babe - Ep 13

I don't have much to write about this, because with the exception of Way and his potential partners, nothing else really interested me in this series. And it's good that people who know the novel were throwing spoilers left and right without warning, because thanks to this I could mentally prepare for what will happen to Way 😶 Thanks to the fact that Way in this episode just stood there, then jumped, and then died, making it all about Babe anyway, and thanks to spoilers, his death didn't really affect me. It was oddly funny tho, when I thought wistfully again how great Pavel and Nut are together and how I wish they were together as a pair (this is my unfulfilled ship in this series). I watched for a bit after that scene, hoping that maybe Way had somehow survived, hehe, but it was a vain dream 🤡 I honestly chuckled in disbelief when PeteWay was reduced to Pete's little sadness and a montage of some 4 of their scenes, and when I realized that they didn't even have Kenta there to mourn his brother. Tbh I skipped through the rest of the episode, and since I wasn't interested in the rest of it in the first place, that was the end of my adventure with Pit Babe 🥳 Despite knowing the spoilers, I had quite high hopes that Way would survive, because he was actually VERY popular in the Pit Babe fandom, and killing off a fan favorite is always a risky move. Way could have been punished for what he did in many ways, he could have left the team, cut off contact with Babe, left the country, anything. Even go to jail, like in History 3: Trapped! And yet they chose something so final. Nobody even called an ambulance for him....

I liked that it was Kenta who ended The Tony problem, and that he wasn't overwhelmed by his own actions, didn't lose control and stopped Tony when he tried to hit him. It was actually my fav part of this ep. (and the whole Winner and The Boys scene lol) As I understand it, Kenta didn't have any more scenes after that? Even to cry over Way? Am I wrong? I ask, because maybe he did appear after all, and I have missed him by skipping scenes.

If you are a Charlie fan, don't read this part: Even though I'm allergic to Charlie and CharlieBabe, I forced myself to watch their scenes at the beginning because I was curious how Babe would deal with the fact that Charlie was alive, he lied to him in a most fundamental way, broke his heart in the worst possible way, sending him into mourning and a destructive need for revenge. Babe handled it with flying colors like a model grief stricken patient 👌 Can't help but wonder, why there was a ENTIRE episode about the grieving Babe when he acts now like Charlie came back safe and sound from visiting his mean family during Christmas. I don't know if I could be with someone who actively chose the most cruel way to hurt me but "for my own god", I certainly couldn't just forgive it, but that's just me 🤷‍♀️ Babe was used, abused, hurt, never asked for his opinion, for what HE wanted by everyone around him, over and over again, and everyone knows it and everyone continues to use him and hurt him because they know they CAN and there won't be any consequences. When Charlie, beaming happily, announced the reason for faking his death and traumatizing Babe, and Babe was liked, oh ok, I thought to myself, haha, ok, guys, you know what, I actually envy you this simple life of yours. This scene confirmed only one thing for me: yep, Charlie and this pairing irritate me just as much now as at the beginning 😏

I don't know if I understood correctly, Jeff had a vision and knew that Way was going to die? As I recall, he tried to stop his previous visions from becoming reality, and now he did nothing? Can someone confirm this for me or have I missed something here?

So. PeteWay and PeteKenta have carried this series for several last episodes, these ships have been heavily promoted by the series and the show's cast. The ending of these ships with Way's quick death, which is not even about him but about Babe and the disappearance of Pete and Kenta from the plot, in my opinion, is an insult to their fans who have invested their time, energy and emotions in this series (this is not about me, I mean all those people whose hard work I furiously reblogged, I love you besties). It sort of looks like baiting now , I thought Thai BL series of all were above that 😄

Sending hugs and kisses to Pit Babe fans and fans of things that could have been 😘 As for me? I hope there will be a lot of content with Nut from now on 💖

Pretty pics from @infinitelyprecious

#pit babe the series #pit babe #bl drama #thai bl

[ofliterarynature]

FEBRUARY 2024 WRAP UP

[loved liked ok nope dnf (reread) book club*]

The Djinn Waits a Hundred Years • The Memory Librarian • Pixels of You* • Arch-Enemies • Moby Dyke • Pip Bartlett’s Guide to Magical Creatures • A Sinister Revenge • Lud in the Mist • Crying in H Mart • Something Close to Magic • Hula • (Renegades) • The Divorce Colony • Foundryside • Earthlings • A Far Wilder Magic

total: 13 books (12 audiobook, 1 print)

Not as many books this month! And not just because February has fewer days, I was really in a funk this month and struggling to pay attention to my audiobooks (and enjoy them). You wouldn't think there's such a thing as too many books, but I think the overtime hours at work are hitting their peak mental health destruction. Here's to hoping things improve in March!

The Divorce Colony (4.5 stars) - genuinely can't believe this was my 3rd nonfic of the year already! I picked a print copy of this up at a library sale in December after hearing about divorce colonies in the early 20th century on a recent episode of the 99% Invisible podcast. Turns out this book was actually about the beginning of the moment that took place in Sioux Falls, South Dakota in the 1800's. Western states had shorter residency periods and less strict divorce laws, so women (and the occasional man) would travel west and live there for several months in order to obtain a divorce. This book tracks the movement through the stories of 4 of the more infamous cases to make the papers, and does an incredible job of weaving in the surrounding political and religious discussions. Would recommend, and has a great cover to boot!

Renegades (3 stars) - a reread, and for some reason it was torture. I originally read this back in 2018 and loved it, and wanted to tackle it again and actually finish the rest of the series. But I kept getting worked up and frustrated this time around! It kept trying to take itself seriously while also being very YA and kind of superhero-camp, and I was absolutely overthinking it lol. I found the strength to press on into book two, Archenemies (3.5 stars). I liked it a bit more! Something about it being new, the story being a bit more settled and maybe getting a better grasp on its message/politics, the characters growing more, me figuring out that I shouldn't listen to the audiobook for more than an hour or so at a time, lmao. Not great, but fun, and possibly worth reading? I'll keep y'all updated when I finish book 3.

Hula (5 stars) - incredible. Part generational family story, part history, part discussion of what it means to be Hawaiian, culturally and legally. Not always the easiest of reads, but it was so so worth it. It was also doing something very interesting with parts of the narration voiced by a collective "we" (culture/community?) that I would love to get a look at in print. Highly recommend, I'll definitely be getting myself a copy.

Something Close to Magic (4.5 stars) - an absolute delight! The Gail Carson Levine comp on this one is not entirely unearned, anyone who's a fan of fairy tale type fantasies will enjoy this, I had a great time! Very interestingly, it has characters who are in their mid to late teens, but is written in a way where they're still allowed to be young, to the point I'm surprised it didn't get shoehorned into MG instead of YA. If the author writes any more of these I'd be happy to read them.

Crying in H Mart (3.5 stars) - nonfic number 4! I'm sure everyone's heard of this one by now, which is why I finally picked it up. It's fine (which is why it got an extra .5 star), but on the scale of take it or leave it, I'd leave it. It just wasn't for me and I kind of wish I'd dnf'd it. A great cover though.

Lud-in-the-Mist (3.5 stars) - this one seems to be considered a sort of early precursor to fantasy and fairy tale type stories from the early 20th century, and I was eager to try it! While I definitely don't think it would feel out of place amongst it's more recent fellows (think the Last Unicorn, Robin McKinley, DWJ, etc), I absolutely could not get into it. Probably the chief recipient of "my brain doesn't want to cooperate, sorry," so maybe I'll give it another shot someday.

A Sinister Revenge (4 stars) - enjoyable as always! Not to hide this deep in my reviews or anything, but have the Emily Wilde people tried Veronica Speedwell yet?

Pip Bartlett's Guide to Magical Creatures (3 stars) - This one's been sitting unread on my shelf for a while, and since I was on a bit of a Maggie Stiefvater run, I figured it was perfect! Well. Unless you are like 7, this was so bad. Not good. Having previously read and not liked a book by Maggie's co-author Jackson Pearce, I think it would not be unreasonable for me to assume she did most of the writing while Maggie did the illustrations - if the audiobook had been any longer than 4 hours I'd have absolutely DNF'd it, and I have no intention of continuing the series.

Moby Dyke: An Obsessive Quest to Track Down the Last Remaining Lesbian Bars in the Country (4.5 stars) - part of me was wondering what I was doing trying this lol, not being someone who drinks or goes to bars, OR, as previously mentioned, is not the biggest fan of memoirs. It was not, as I hoped, also part research project, but it is a travelogue, and as a consequence has a strong narrative thread. It also has a lot of discussions about issues in the LGBTQ+ community, and overall I really liked it once I figured out what it was doing!

Pixels of You (3.5 stars) - a very short sapphic rivals-to friends-to lovers graphic novel about a human-form AI and a human with an android eye competing for a photography internship at an art gallery. The creators clearly put SO much thought into their characters and worldbuilding, but sadly there is nowhere near enough length here to do it all justice, and a number of elements felt very odd or under explored. The relationship parts are great! I just think this needed to be twice as long to really given everything its due, or maybe explored in prose instead.

The Memory Librarian (3.5 stars) - to start, I know nothing about the musical album this is related to, so I don't know how much that might have affected my reading. Overall I wasn't super impressed - when I discovered that the first story was cowritten by Alaya Dawn Johnson - no shade to her - I almost dropped it then, I just really didn't like her writing style in the one book I've read. But I stuck through it. Of the five stories, only one really stuck in my mind - Nevermind, cowritten by Danny Lore, which I could have read an entire novel about. I wish I could recommend it on its own, but overall I just don't quite understand the world Monae has created.

The Djinn Waits a Hundred Years (3.5 stars) - I probably should say more about the book, it was fine, I was surprised to find that it's set in relatively current day, I found myself a lot more interested in the second narrative about the house's history, which did make me cry a bit. Mostly though, I really just want to let you know how MUCH of a non-entity the djinn was in this story, I have no idea why it was there and why it was included in the title of the book. All the author had to do was make the house a little more sentient and haunted and it would be fine, idk. Read it if you want, but it's not one I would rec.

DNF'S

Foundryside - I was so ready. I had the first two audiobooks checked out, I had the third one on hold. I started this but oh, the writing. bleh. I was looking thought reviews and someone referred to it as something like "21st century internet speak." In a high fantasy novel. I noped out at just 10%.

Earthlings - I've considered the author's other book before but haven't read it, but thought maybe a sci-fic book would work better for me? The beginning was odd but not uninteresting, and I might have continued if it had stayed that way. But then the main character was in school(?) and her teacher started getting handsy after class and I wasn't invested enough to stick it out.

A Far Wilder Magic - the success of Something Close to Magic made me a little too hopeful I think, bc while I'm still a little leery around YA, I know people have liked this. And it sounded interesting, truly, and I love the cover. But first it was the religion stuff. And I didn't really like the characters. Then it's like, oh, this is the same plot as The Scorpio Races, but nowhere near it's quality in any shape or form. I decided to stop while I was ahead, before I started to actually dislike it. (anyway here's your PSA to go read The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater, I recommend doing it in October if you can).

#bec posts #book log #wrap up 2024 #books #booklr #book review #the divorce colony #april white #renegades #marissa meyer #hula #jasmine iolani hakes #something close to magic #crying in h mart #lud in the mist #veronica speedwell #pip bartlett #maggie stiefvater #moby dyke #pixels of you #the memory librarian #the djin waits a hundred years

[eriexplosion]

MOVING FROM SOME EASY EPISODES TO THE HARDEST. OUTPOST.

Do y'all remember the hype for this episode like we knew it was THE Crosshair episode and everyone was absolutely thirsting for it.

"A new friend is made on a harsh and unforgiving outpost planet" WHO WROTE THIS SUMMARY?

Like yes technically accurate as it doesn't specify that the new friend survives the friendship.

Crosshair clearly paying much more attention to the regs these days, at this point I do think he's pretty much had all his bullshit beaten out of him when it comes to thinking he's better than anyone else. Just in time for Crosshair's Worse Time Parade to start.

Much like Hemlock, Lieutenant Nolan is established as absolute garbage the instant he sees Crosshair taking like two seconds to breathe out of his helmet and tells him he's out of uniform. If The Bad Batch can do one thing it's write a man that sucks.

AND THEN HE MAKES IT WORSE WITH "I DON'T LIKE USED EQUIPMENT"

Literally would kill this man myself and he's been on screen for 30 seconds

THE ICE VULTURE <3 OUR BOY'S NEW MOTIF <3

MAYDAY. MAYYYYYDAYYYYYY.

HE IS HERE!

God Mayday was complicated because like I loved him from the moment I saw him but also like, coming into this episode just logistically we knew anyone that showed Crosshair a hint of kindness was almost certainly going to get killed, so Mayday is loved for the exact thing that put him on the path to narrative doom. Reinforcements or no reinforcements, it doesn't matter, Mayday was never leaving Barton IV alive.

They waited 36 rotations. 4 days longer than Crosshair was left to nearly starve on a platform. If I remember correctly (I'm not there yet) Crosshair says the trip took 2 hours. None of their lives were worth two hours.

THE WAY MAYDAY HAS TWO, TWO MEN LEFT UNDER HIS COMMAND. ONLY TWO. HE HAD TO WATCH THE REST ALL DIE UNDER HIS WATCH. I AM SO FUCKING UNWELL ABOUT HIM.

I really love the name Hexx btw

"Respect is something to be earned." And immediately Nolan goes nuclear to insult him because he wasn't instantly given unconditional deference.

YEP IT WAS TWO HOURS. TWO HOURS OUT OF THE WAY.

I am going to scream from the layers of unfair this is.

The way Mayday's voice softens a touch when left alone with Crosshair though, always gentler with another clone.

I'm still not over the LONG pause after Mayday introduces himself, like Crosshair is trying to dig past the shields he put up between himself and his situation to remember his own name. He probably hasn't heard it at all since Cody.

Mayday looked at Crosshair and apparently felt the desperation for company rolling off him in smothering waves because he instantly is just like 'you're under my wing now'

That he's been out here over a year meaning that the Empire has been established for over a year is a lot to take in like god Crosshair has been away from home for so long.

"You'll freeze to death in that armor" He is like 10 seconds from wrapping Crosshair in a blanket I swear to god I'm only slightly projecting.

"Vicious creatures, but you have to admire 'em. They find a way to survive." GOD I LOVE THAT LINE. ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC.

Using the explosion through heat vision to completely screw Crosshair's up for the shot was such a good excuse to have him just wound the guy instead of kill him, lol.

Still was surprised to see a blood trail in this cartoon, but sure they can't show us any sign of Tech's body right (YES I AM STILL ON THIS AND WILL BE UNTIL THEY SHOW US THE BOY)

Goddddd him putting Hexx and Veetch's helmets next to all of the others. His very last brothers, the men he was responsible for, god I am in tatters about it. Every second of this episode is just. Grief and Pain.

"Remind me not to die on your watch" Don't worry you're the only person that's been nice to him in months he will literally drag you through hell to save your life. Crosshair just has what we call "Something is wrong with him" disease and all of his words pass through the cortex that makes him rude before getting to you.

My thoughts on this mine disarming scene are Many but let it just be said that I still cannot believe they put this on my screen, it was made explicitly for me to be feral to.

Mayday has learned fast how to talk to Crosshair though, gotta give him some snark back.

"They're... gone." "And here we are. The survivors."

GOD I AM UNHINGED ABOUT THIS.

"If I don't hear a boom then I'll know it worked." "Glad you're confident in your work." "Oh I'm confident, I'm just not stupid."

I just love this back and forth dynamic that they hit perfectly and immediately.

Hey Crosshair actually wins a hand to hand fight all he has to do is sneak up on them and not give them the opportunity to actually hit him back.

Shout out to the guy whose first instinct was to try and RUN MAYDAY OVER WITH A CAR like it didn't work but impressive ingenuity.

Clones dying to guard the gear intended for their replacements god it makes me ILL.

"We're good soldiers. We followed orders. And for what?"

The entire thing is designed to drive a wedge into Crosshair's brain and break through the thick shield he's built around himself where he is so sure if he just follows orders Well Enough maybe he can make everything he's done and lost worth it in the end but he can't because he never had a future in the Empire and no amount of sunk cost fallacy will change that.

AND JUST IN TIME FOR HIS EPIPHANY WE GET THE AVALANCHE.

Literally would be so fascinating to see exactly what was running through Mayday's head when he chose to push Crosshair out of the way of the rock instead of jumping to safety himself. He just met this guy, he's not technically responsible for him, but Mayday has lost every single soldier he was in command of, sole survivor of his unit, and he finally, finally had the opportunity to save someone. If he only saves one person, maybe he's done something worthwhile.

And honestly, Crosshair is trying to do the same back to him. Just Mayday dies knowing he succeeded and Crosshair lives knowing he failed.

I am fucking destroyed by this episode by the way like it is so unbearably good and also tragic as hell.

Mayday trying to get Crosshair to leave him behind and the music when Crosshair decides absolutely the fuck not. That they have one helmet between them and Crosshair put it on Mayday's head and not his own.

THE MUSIC AS CROSSHAIR IS SO DETERMINED TO DRAG HIM BACK AND THE ICE VULTURE OVERHEAD MY GOD.

The moment of them huddling together in a tiny little hideaway in the rock ends me too, like, images that stick in my head forever.

And despite everything Crosshair made it he got Mayday back to the outpost alive, he did everything to accomplish the impossible and it should have been enough, but it wasn't all because Nolan doesn't value either of their lives enough to even lift a single finger for Mayday.

Like Crosshair accomplishing the impossible through sheer stubbornness only to have it pulled away at the last second I am in AGONY.

HE GAVE MAYDAY HIS SNIPER RIFLE TO USE AS A CRUTCH FOR GODS SAKE

Crosshair taking Mayday's helmet off and at least giving him one last moment of human connection before it's over

The voice acting in this moment is absolutely unbelievable but especially on 'Help him' like give DBB all the money in the world because I was shattered.

THE FACT THAT THEY MADE US LISTEN TO MAYDAY GURGLE COUGH OUT HIS LAST BREATH AND SEE THE INSTANT HIS EYES ROLL BACK AND CLOSE

"He served his purpose as a soldier of the Empire" OWN WORDS THROWN BACK INTO HIS FACE LIKE A FUCKING PUNCH

The way Crosshair's words drop back down into a growl as he says "You could have saved him." is so good too.

The music as it all reaches its boiling point, as he sees the vulture's shadow, then Mayday's body, then the vulture itself just. Oh god. This episode is a masterpiece and I'm still not over it. I don't think I'll ever be over it.

Like I still cannot BELIEVE we got this shot? The rock wings? I'm? Inconsolable?

Crosshair really probably thought he was going to die right there next to Mayday and honestly I think he was okay with it, in the worst way possible. Also him unconscious here is literally THE most relaxed I think we've ever seen his face.

But because this is only the start of Crosshair's Life Getting Much Much Worse he gets to live and wake up in a horrible science lab!

The sedative injection is much worse given the way that they torture him later.

"Cooperate and you might survive."

Literally one of the best episodes of anything I've ever seen I still cannot believe that we got it, truly. This episode is like 95% of the reason I have faith in the writers pulling through on the Tech Issue because I don't think anyone that gave Crosshair this episode arc would actually kill Tech off in such a stupid way on a completely pointless side quest.

I'm still on the rock wings and will be until further notice.

#the bad batch rewatch

[justwritedreams]

Not too late | Baekhyun

Idol!Baekhyun x Idol!Reader Word count: 2409  Genre: pure fluff Author: maari  Warnings: Brief mentions of stalkers and failed relationship, conversation about the lives of two idols idk i think it's a warning lol Note: I couldn't help myself and I needed to make this as cute as possible so enjoy Request: can you write baekhyun's love confession to the friend he met on a varyete show? (Like master key)   ⫷ Exo Masterlist

Y/N held the belly that hurt to laugh so much, she felt the tears run down her face but had no strength to dry them, just to lean on the wall of the hallway where she was.

She had just recorded an episode of a variety show and although the topic had been a little macabre with zombies, because the new All of Us Are Dead season had already debuted, she had never laughed so much in her life, even though she hated anything involving suspense or terror.

"Oh, I can't breathe." She spoke in the middle of laughter.

"I'm glad I made you laugh even after so long." Baekhyun spoke, putting his hands on his waist as he saw Y/N slip at the floor laughing so much. Although his cheeks were pink and he smiled shyly, he agreed that he had found it funny.

The show brought together some famous actors and singers, with the theme school and zombies. Basically they needed to leave school before they were attacked by the zombies but with some missions that intended to draw the attention of the zombies. They had to sing in silence, finding clues that would make noise but would lead to the key that would free them.

In one of the missions Baekhyun and Y/N had split from the group to look for clues in one of the rooms, which had a trap with a bell to make a shrill noise when they opened the door, it was a trap to capture the zombies in that room but the funny part came when the zombies were running there.

Y/N was stopped in the corner of the room without moving and Baekhyun ... Well, he threw himself on the floor with a face of dread so funny that Y/N needed to control her laughter so as not to leave the character and spoil the show .

But as soon as the recordings were over, she could no longer hold back the laugh as well as the majority of the production team. It was the first time Baekhyun had been alone in a variety show after his return to the Army and Y/N was really excited to record with him, even though she debuted a while after him, they never had the opportunity to be together for more than 5 minutes somewhere. Not to say she never had an interaction with him, they've both been MC's once but that's it. She loved Baekhyun's funny spirit and it was a surprise to also know that he was protective, even in fear. "May I have asked one thing?" She managed to talk after taking a deep breath several times.

Baekhyun nodded and reached out to help her get off the ground, she accepted raising quickly.

"Why did you throw yourself on the floor?" She smiled when she remembered the scene, had no strength to laugh and her cheeks hurt. "I don't know." He admitted, shaking his head. "I was desperate, I thought if I pretended to be dead, they would go straight."

Y/N laughed softly as she held her cheeks, she didn't remember the last time she had laughed that much.

"Didn't you think they could trample you? It was dark!"

"It was instinct, the first thing I thought was that."

It was funny, mainly because he slid to the floor but managed to make no noise so none of the zombies went after him. Even though he was wearing round glasses, she really thought it was going to fall to the floor and ruin the whole plan but somehow the glasses ended up on the end of his nose.

"You know they'll make fun of you for the rest of your life, especially the boys." Y/N spoke as they walked back down the hall, she would go to the dressing room to change clothes.

"I know." He rolled his eyes but laughed. "At least I will ensure the entertainment of the spectators."

Y/N smiled, that was so ... Baekhyun. "Well, that's it." She spoke when stopped at the door of her dressing room.

"Hey, Y/N." Baekhyun called her when she turned to open the door, she looked at the him at the same time. "Are you very busy this week?"

She frowned, looking up trying to remember her schedule.

"Uh tomorrow I have some interviews but then I'm free." She answered, looking back at Baekhyun who had a discreet smile. "Why?"

"I was thinking, we can go out to eat something and talk." He shrugged and put his hands inside his pants pockets to hide his nervousness.

Y/N controlled the huge smile that wanted to appear and nodded.

"Is Thursday good for you?" she asked excitedly and he nodded enthusiastically. “ "You have my phone, don't you?" he asked and saw Y/N smile widely in response.

They had exchanged the numbers at the beginning of the recordings and he was so nervous that he didn't even remember that detail.

"I call you." she warned and he nodded, the two stared at each other without saying anything and suddenly the door of Y/N's dressing room was opened, making her jump in fright.

"I was on my way to look for you." the manager spoke.

"I’m here." Y/N spoke happily and Baekhyun laughed, she looked like a child even though she was a year younger than him she was still cute.

"Well, we'll talk." Baekhyun said goodbye and didn't leave until he saw Y/N wave at him.

One part of the plan had been completed. Now all that was left was the rest.

[...] "I don't believe it!" Y/N said, laughing.

"I'm telling you." Baekhyun tried to convince her. "It was the quietest months of my life."

She sighed, looking up at him.

They were in the restaurant, one in which both were in the most remote part and that almost nobody would see them there, he was telling about the experiences during the time of his enlistment.

Y/N noticed that Baekhyun was different since the day of recording, there was a glow about him that wasn't like before, he looked more mature, more confident. Okay, maybe it had to do with him having to "get into character" that day. There he was just the Baekhyun she was enjoying getting to know.

"Did you miss it?" she asked, wiggling her finger on the rim of the goblet in front of her. Baekhyun cocked his head to the side silently asking what she was referring to. "I mean, this hustle we have."

"Not sleeping, not resting and not eating properly, of course." he replied wryly.

"Oh come on, things are better now than when we were trainees." she spoke and Baekhyun opened his mouth to reply. "And you know it's true!"

"I agree in parts." he shrugged, staring deeply at Y/N. "I liked being able to go places and not have someone follow me around."

She lowered her head for a few seconds. Well, about that nothing really had changed. "The unglamorous part of an artist's life." Y/N spoke uncomfortably and Baekhyun noticed so he tried to change the subject.

"What about you? How have the last few months been?"

She smiled proudly as she remembered her achievements.

"I got a lead role in a movie, it was my first." Baekhyun smiled along with her. "I participated in some fashion campaigns, you know, the basics."

Baekhyun laughed.

"Oh yeah totally." she laughed too. "You were dating when I enlisted, weren't you?"

He had waited all night to ask that. Well, of course the news spread too fast at the time but she didn't know that Baekhyun knew.

Y/N nodded and looked away from Baekhyun's eyes.

"I was. I tried dating someone outside the industry and it didn't work out."

"Why?" he was not only interested but also concerned.

"As much as you date someone understanding, they’re unlikely to continue to understand after a while why you have to go through certain things." she took a deep breath before continuing. "He didn't understand why there were people following us around airports with cameras and why the company didn't do anything. I tried to explain but..." Y/N shrugged and Baekhyun understood perfectly what she meant. "He started to feel uncomfortable and I can't blame him but I couldn't choose between him and my career." "And then you broke up." he concluded and she looked back at him, different from what he imagined she didn't have a sad look. She looked resigned. "I'm so sorry."

"Don’t be." she smiled slightly. "It was on good terms, there was no drama or fighting. He's already engaged so it's fine, I don't hold any grudges."

"I wouldn't expect less from you." Y/N looked confused at him. "I mean, you were always so good."

She laughed in disbelief.

"Not that good."

"You were always unselfish, patient, caring." Baekhyun began to list her qualities, which made her suddenly shy. "And beautiful on top of that."

Y/N felt her ears burn, mainly because he didn't look away from her for even a minute.

"If I'm going to start talking about your qualities, we're going to be up all night on this." she snapped and Baekhyun smirked.

"I don’t mind." he was sincere. "But the restaurant closes soon." he scratched the back of his head and Y/N laughed, throwing her head back.

When she looked back at him, he was looking at her calmly. He liked the sound of her laughter.

"Then I think we should go." she said after taking a look around, even being in the farthest part she could see that the restaurant looked practically empty.

"Of course!" he answered and they both got up.

Baekhyun was gentlemanly with Y/N the whole time, he waited for her to go ahead and she thanked him, he insisted on paying the bill since it was his invitation and she even tried to fight it but he already extended his card before even if she could do anything.

And he insisted on taking her back home, Y/N didn't refuse of course, she loved being in Baekhyun's company, he lightened the atmosphere even when they talked about more serious matters.

Along the way, they kept talking and Y/N realized that she and Baekhyun weren't that different after all. They had never had the opportunity to talk before he enlisted but now it was as if they had known each other all their lives.

"Is here." Y/N said as he stopped the car in front of her dorm. "Thanks for the ride."

"It wasn’t a big deal." he replied, resting his arm on the steering wheel. "I enjoyed talking to you."

"Me too." she smiled nervously and tried to stop her hands from shaking by taking a deep breath, it didn't help much and she was afraid that Baekhyun would notice that she was nervous. "Then I'll go." she took off her belt and was ready to open the door.

"Wait!" Baekhyun touched her arm subtly and she stopped, turning to face him. With eyes so kind he couldn't look away. “I hope it's not too late to do that."

Y/N frowned and tilted her head to the side.

"Do what?" Y/N didn't get any response other than his smirk and then Baekhyun leaned in to kiss her.

She didn't move or stop because she didn't want to, his lips were gentle at first and drew a sigh from her as she dropped her bag in her lap to rest her hands on his shoulder. Baekhyun brought a hand to the back of her neck, bringing her closer as he moved his lips against hers in a shy but firm way. It was new but everything Y/N wanted to do for a long time, he always had the most kissable lips and she always had to control himself not to stare at him too much during the awards or places where they were not to feed any theories. But now, here alone, she could enjoy the time she never had. Tight grip on his jacket as he stroked her skin gently. As soon as they broke apart, he placed two pecks on her lips, and she smirked. He put their foreheads together looking at Y/N with such intensity that she lost the strength in her legs even sitting down. "I've wanted to do this for so long." he whispered and she felt her whole body shiver at his voice. "For the first time I was excited to record a variety show."

"What do you mean?" she narrowed her eyes and Baekhyun pulled back enough to brush Y/N's hair that kept sticking in her face, tucking it behind her ear.

"I've had a crush on you since forever." she felt her jaw drop. It could only be a joke. "But our schedules never helped much, when I came back from enlistment, I thought I couldn't keep seeing you from afar at the awards. And then they told me they wanted to record a variety show and you were on the list, I didn't think twice and accepted."

Y/N laughed in disbelief.

Wasn't it possible, the guy she had a crush on had a crush on her?

"Wait a minute." she moved their foreheads away to face him better. "Are you telling me that you" she pointed her finger at him. "have a crush on me?" and pointed her finger at herself. "Yes!" he confessed, smiling widely. "It was the perfect opportunity to actually talk to you. I literally fell at your feet."

Y/N laughed as she remembered the scene.

"By the way, you have very nice legs so."

She felt her cheeks burn and tapped him lightly on the shoulder, and he jumped to try to defend himself but laughed anyway.

"And I thought you were cute." she said, disbelieving. "You pervert."

Baekhyun kept laughing and moved over to her, hugging her around the waist, Y/N crossed her arms and just pretended to be mad, because she wasn't at all. Quite the contrary, she was happy.

"Did I lied?" he asked, blinking his eyes in mock innocence.

Y/N rolled her eyes and sagged into his arms.

"No and you were right." she looked at his lips, so close and so inviting. "It wasn't too late."

#exowritersnet #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun fic #baekhyun imagine #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun x y/n #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun x you #exo fanfic #exo imagine #exo imagines #exo scenario #exo scenarios #exo fluff #exo fic #exo x y/n #exo x you #exo x reader #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop fanfic #kpop fluff #kpop x you #kpop x reader #kpop x y/n #requests #maari

[not-poignant]

Jesus H Christopher, Pia. Your writing load is insane.

Maybe you should cut back on how many chapters you release for certain stories? Like Stain and Palma (since these stories dont equal income) until UtB the other Underline stories are almost done. Just a thought

Because I feel burnt out just by thinking of writing that much, so I can only imagine how you feel. Please take care of yourself

Hi anon,

TL;DR: My brain is stupid, which is why I can't do this, even though it makes sense and is logical.

Unfortunately the fanfiction is what often makes the original fiction possible, or more enjoyable.

If I lock myself down into too much schedule and rigidity, or if I only focus on writing for money, I actually start to hate writing, even if I love the stories. There is nothing like 'will this earn money, do people like this, would people pay, what if they all decide to stop paying for this, why would they pay for this, would I pay for this, how much would people pay for this, is there any incentive for them to pay for this, actually if I wrote a ton of different tropes maybe I'd make more for this, but that's depressing, but I need the money, shit what do I do, what if I lose my income, what if it all stops tomorrow, I need to write more, I need to write more, I need to write more' that is actually very exhausting and makes writing not much fun at all.

And to deliberately break out of that headspace as much as possible, I write fanfiction. Because that headspace (the one I wrote about above), on its own, even if I'm only writing two stories, can and has led to burnout and depressive episodes. I don't recommend it.

In a way, one of the reasons I can write so many stories right now (ADHD meds aside) is that I am letting myself break out and just have fun with fanfiction, and remember that my original writing is meant to be fun too. But without fanfiction, I lose sight of that very quickly.

Fanfiction means that when an original story chapter does super badly, generally there are still excited comments elsewhere that keep me going. That's how I survived The Ice Plague, and that story would never have been completed without fanfiction, because that was my worst performer of any story I've ever written. It also means if a lot of subscribers leave at once, I don't feel like The Worst Writer In The World. So having fanfiction behind me was like...a literal safety net or my security blanket.

If I have to discard my security blankets or use them less often in order to keep writing the original stuff, I might as well just stop entirely, because my longest hiatuses from Patreon (i.e. one lasted 1.5 years, many have lasted 4-6 months) have been when I'm mostly just writing original fiction, and am not writing much fanfiction, or not deliberately finding time for it, and finally get so stressed out re: money I literally have to stop. I'm on a (partial) Disability Pension.

A long time ago some professional people told me I probably shouldn't be working at all because of my mental illnesses and then paid me money because of the severity of those mental illnesses. My dumbass brain be pretty fragile, actually, and keeps chugging away because I make bad business decisions and write stuff I enjoy instead of writing to market, or doing rapid release, or releasing more novels (or novels). Writing does ironically help when I'm stressed, but not when I'm stressed about making money because of writing.

I will cut at my income before I cut at my love of this job, and unfortunately fanfiction keeps me going in this job, which means I can't really cut at that first.

(Also from a business perspective, it's actually a very good funnel to the original stuff and then subscription. Most of you wouldn't be here if you hadn't read one of my fanfics first and then gave the original stuff a try - I try not to think about that too much because I need fanfic to not be about money, but the fact is, I would not have this career without fanfic).

I do have plans to take two weeks off in January from posting chapters (I can still post rewards in the second half of January) and that's not too far away.

And the reality is that I probably would have kept going okay if real life hadn't imploded on top of everything like the world's worst bukkake party.

#asks and answers #personal #pia on writing #i am not a smart business owner #i'm an emotional fragile mentally ill one #who has to make decisions that keep me wanting to do this job #because at the end of the day #my severe treatment-resistant mental illnesses #do not do well with the pressure of making money #and feeling like a failure #so i need to actually do things that aren't about money at all #to remind myself that i don't need to have a breakdown #over never making a minimum wage #(i'm getting closer though which is probably why this burnout came on) #(i've been pushing a lot harder than normal because... well... i'd like to make #an average income one day) #(i may not be smart enough or well enough to do that) #(but i will keep trying) #i just have to keep trying as someone with a very broken mind #who copes with that brokenness through working hard #breaks are stressful and i have to think hard about what's best

[genericpuff]

I got 3 questions for you

1. So, if persephone can do bad things and get a reward for it, does it mean you can say the same argument for apollo when he SA persephone but he the bad guy for likely persephone and hate hades?

2. Why does everyone still talking about Apollo SA persephone like it 2 weeks ago and not 10 years ago(like it said) plus persephone may or may not forgotten about it? 

3. Will you change all the females (not all them tho, but) hairstyles or keep them same because I'm very tired of the same slick back and slick side, it's not that I don’t hate them or anything just it doesn't have unique to the hair like persephone having flowers on hair ( sorry, it hard for me trying to explain).

aight let's do this

1.) this is a question that comes up a lot because it helps us observe the morality line in LO and how it's applied effectively (it is not). one does have to wonder why we're supposed to root for Persephone but condemn characters like Minthe. one has to wonder why people will use "well greek myth was fucked up" as a defense of LO but then still expect people to take the SA plot seriously when SA is something that happened all the time in greek myth. this isn't to say things like the SA shouldn't be taken seriously, they ABSOLUTELY SHOULD, but then the comic will ask us to not think too hard about persephone abusing a lower class person. tl ; dr: lore olympus can't pick a lane and it shows in how it expects us to root for some characters and trash on others even though they've both committed similarly-heinous acts.

2.) i'm gonna apologize in advance because i'm really gonna like, come at you here, but this question comes across as very victim-blamey. I get if that wasn't your intention so I'm not gonna drill into you too hard, but that's often used as an argument for SA victims to just "get over it". There's no timeline as to when or how long it should take for a victim of SA to heal from what happened to them. Speaking candidly an SA victim myself, I still struggle with sex as an adult because of how much it affected me when I was younger (especially considering it happened when I was still in my formative years, like my brain straight up wasn't done developing yet so that had lasting effects that I still feel today). People are still talking about it, not because Persephone seems to have forgotten about it, but because Rachel herself clearly wants the narrative and her own audience to forget about it, as it's the one plotline she clearly never intended to write.

And when I say she "never intended to write" I mean that literally, apparently when she first uploaded the assault episode she didn't even put a trigger warning because she legitimately didn't see what happened as assault. So she quietly retconned it by adding the trigger warning and later expanding on the plotline through Eros explaining to Persephone what happened. Which wasn't necessarily the wrong thing to do, I think that initial conversation with Eros is quite meaningful in getting across that being nagged into sex =/= consent, but it's become abundantly clear that Rachel is just pretending this was her plan all along, when the proof in the narrative and writing shows that it never was. You can't just throw in an SA plot for drama but it's very clear that's what Rachel's using it for and that's where the criticism lies when people talk about Persephone's progress - the comic tries to convince us she's "over it" but we've never actually seen her side of things, we see more screen time and backstory given to the assaulter's POV (Apollo) and the POV of the friends of the victim (Hermes, Artemis, Hades, etc.) than we do from the actual victim (Persephone).

I hope that makes sense? The ten year time skip in and of itself isn't the problem, the problem is that Rachel wrote in a 10 year time skip that she clearly never planned out so she could get Persephone's AOW punishment over with ASAP and so she could artificially retcon things on a whim by inserting them as flashbacks. Rachel doesn't use flashbacks as an actual narrative device, she uses them as a crutch so she can patch together things as she comes up with them because she hasn't written out an actual story. And there's no single plotline that demonstrates that more than the SA plotline.

3.) I'm definitely trying to have fun with the hairstyles, the way the hair is done in LO just goes to show that Rachel only knows how to draw 3 faces LMAO That said, I'm also trying to keep it within the design choices of the original comic as much as possible, so aside from new characters (such as Dionysus and Charon) I won't be changing things too much, just enough to make them feel fresh but still recognizable (ex. Persephone's mid-length hair when she cuts it at Hades' house).

#ama #ask me anything #anon ask me anything #anon ama #lore olympus critical #lo critical #antiloreolympus #anti lore olympus