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whaledenwtf · 6 months

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I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Halsin’s thighs, if it strikes your fancy could you please write some thigh riding please 🙏

OH MY GOD YES YES YES YES. Ahem. Yes I will. I will make the reader thick cause obviously Halsin would like curvier women (this isnt headcannon this is just obvious.. he's a bear for gods sake)

Edit (12/10/2023): the fact I didnt realize I left WIP in the content warnings 😭 now I gotta triple check everything I've written the last couple months

HALSIN x THICK!READER - Riding the Bear

Warnings: Thigh Riding, Light Bondage, afb!reader and Male Smut, Praise Kink, Body Worship (Female Receiving)

Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist: LINK

It was torturous, being fully naked with Halsin and him insisting not to touch you where you needed him to.

"Halsin, please." You plead with him. He chuckles and shakes his head, braids swaying.

"My heart, you must know that I have to learn restraint. This is a good way to do it." You grumble, hands straining against the soft linen cloths Halsin had tied around your wrists.

"Maybe your restraint, but mine is perfectly fine. Let me touch you dammit!" He smirks at your plight, watching you try and fail miserably to loosen your ties. You're straddling one of his thick thighs, and all your movement is making you rub against the muscles. You moan, looking at him defiantly.

"You can still take your pleasure from me, little one." You're whimpering. This is awful. How can you take your pleasure from his bountiful body when your hands are tied! You look down, seeing his heavy cock leaning against his stomach, precum pooling in the dips of his muscles.

"Let me please you Halsin-" You go to get up off his thigh, but his hands latch to your thick waist, seating you back down. The movement made your breasts bounce and he groans, eyes turning amber for a moment.

"Ride my thigh, little one." It comes off as a soft request, but you knew it was a demand. Halsin is always excited when he feels your weight on his body. You thought you were always heavy, squashing him. He would always remind you "Nature is bountiful, and so are you. There is much more of you to love, to taste... to devour." before he'd sit you on his face and eat you out for hours. The thought of those nights warmed you up again, and without thinking you grind down on his thigh. You moan at the action, the friction causing delicious waves of pleasure. You begin a soft pace, grinding up and down on his thigh. You are panting, and one of his hands goes to your waist, to speed up your actions. The other trails to his cock, stroking it in pace with your movements.

His hazel eyes are locked on your face, watching the small twitches of pleasure show themselves in your features. His eyes trail down your body, watching how your breasts bounce with the movement, nipples peaked and begging for attention. They stray further down to your stomach, round but flattering. He can't help but imagine you full of his seed and carrying his legacy. He moans out, eyes fluttering shut. You continue your pace, your slick leaving you and allowing the movements to be easier. Your clit keeps bumping into the muscles of his thigh, and you keen, quickening your speed. When he opens his eyes, he looks down at his thigh, slick and wet from your ministrations. His eyes snap back up to yours, before he pushes you forward into a passionate kiss.

Your pace quickens again, as you get so close to the precipice, but can't leap over it. You whimper in his mouth. The hand on your hip goes down where you are grinding yourself against him and rubs quick but small circles over your clit. You scream into his mouth, a rush of slick leaking out of you and on his thigh. He groans, cumming onto his stomach. You release each other's lips, whimpering. Your body still quakes, jolting every couple seconds from the intensity of your orgasm. You look down at his thigh and whimper; its drenched, you definitely squirted on him. He growls, before running his hand through your slick and tasting it.

"Like honey... little one I need to devour you." He lies himself down fully, pulling you to sit on his face.

You will not be sleeping tonight.

#fanfic #fanfiction #baldur's gate 3 #halsin x reader #halsin x you #halsin x thick!reader #thigh riding #request #smut #halsin smut #big hunky druid's thick thighs #i'd ride this man as if he were my last meal and I was on death row #the carnal need I have for this man is insatiable

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minimumwagecola · 10 days

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🎩 WELCOME… TO THE A-GAYZING RIZZITAL CIRCUS! MY GAMERTAG IS CAINE, AND IM QUEER TO SHOW YOU THE MOST OHIO-SENDING, SKIBIDI EDGING, DISCORD MEWING YOU'VE EVER PHANTOM TAX, ISNT THAT, GIGA CHAD?

🫧 'THATS RIGHT SIGMA, I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOUVE GYATT IN THE KITCHEN TODAY!'

🎩 WELL, LETS NOT GRIMACE-WASTE, LETS ISHOWSPEED RIGHT INTO THE FAMILY GUY COMPILATIONS!

🎶 banban, and goku, and big chungus too, pepe, peppino, amongus, delulu!~ 🎶 gay after gay after day we fry, as the renegade pokimane makes us cry 🎶

🐰 ''gayine, is this another goofy ahh grassy pillow again? or is this a new subscriber? cause if its a new twitch donator.. we gyatt to redo this whole mlg monologue!''

📐 ''im not doing gyatt again."

🎩 ''MY MY, IT APPEARS A SUS IMPOSTER HAS JOINED THE LOBBY!"

🤡 ''HOW DO I… LEAVE THE SIN CITY WASNT MADE FOR ME''

🐰 ''just keep edging gyatt it, that ellen degeneres for all of us''

🤡 ''what the barnacles!?!? i-i-i-i put on owlhouse and now im here? who are you baby gronks? why cant i leave floptok? how do i leave minecraft?''

🎀 ''lets all kai calm-net down, everythings gyonna be okay thugshaker, weve all been through this escape the ariana grande obby, you just need to-''

🤡 ''WHAT THE VINE BOOM IS GOING ON- what?''

🎩 ''WARNING ONE, YOU CANNOT SWEAR IN GENERAL! THE GAY-MAZING RIZZITAL CIRCUMSIED IS A PLACE TO BE CLIPPED BY ALL STREAMERS, EVERYTHING CAN HAPPEN HERE! execpt for being the biggest bird ''

🤡 ''how do i.. lightskin leave?''

🎩 ''👁️👄👁️''

🎀 ''..well.. dont make a twitlong about this but-'

🐰 ''the only way you can leave is by watching phonk nair videos''

🤡🤡 ''(TIM ALLEN SHOCK NOISE)''

📐 '':mute jax.. but hes right.. welcome to the underground, how was the fall?''

🤡 ''WHAT DO YOU MEME?"

🎀''guys… dont be straight.."

🐰 ''weve been scrolling on tiktok for years.. old finger over theres been streaming the longest''

♟️''MISTER BEEASSSSSTTTT!''

🐰 ''thats why he needs to stop it.. get some help''

🤡 ''oh.. ogay, now i gyatt it! im watching dream, i should just get in the uber!''

🐰 ''whatever you say lesbian''

🎭''..my obama prisim.." :(

🐰 ''so crane, where we dropping boys?"

🎩 ''ID LIKE TO SHOW OUR BRAND NEW MOD MY ROBLOX OBBY FIRST, OFF WE GO!''

Y2FuIGFueW9uZSBoZWFyIG1lPw

🎩 ''here we have GARTEN OF BANBAN, this is where the florida men are kept, along with the FNF mods, these mods may include- GIVE HIM BACK!!!!!!!! GIVE HIM BACK!!!!!!! HES MINEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! >:((((

🤡 '' is gyatt all there rizz?''

🎩 '' OF COURSE NOT, THIS IS.. MY SPLATOON 2 LETSPLAYS!! we dont watch my OLD videos, i w(a)(m)s racist homophobic sexist abelist terrorist watchlist slay back then.

🤡 ''(huh cat)-''

🎩 '' we stay RIGHT HERE where i can keep my 70 ALTERNATIVE ACCOUNTS!! YOULL NEVER KNOW MY MAIN."

🌙 '' IVE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT- ''

🎩 ''DONT MAKE ME PISS ON YOU AGAIN''

🤡 ''wait whats th- HHRUEEGGEYYAHHAHAUHASGSGUGDS :vomits vomits vomits vomits vomits vomits: ''

🎩 '' WOAH!!!!!! SHES LITERALLY DOING THE GWIDDY!''

🫧 ''me too!! watch me boss!!!!!!!"

🎩 "Stop."

🤡 ''Was that an skibidi toilet I saw out there? Is gyatt a way get a weave?"

🐰 '' What toiwet? If there was a way to not be a noob vs pro im pretty sure we'd all be hackers by now. "

📐''Yeah, what are you waffling about?"

🎩'' I ASS(ure) YOU, THERE RIZZ NO EASTER BUNNY, THERE IS NO FEETFAIRY, AND THIS RIZZ NO QUEEN OF ENGLAND!''

🤡''YOUR MOM HITS IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A CHROMEBOOK CHARGER-''

🎩 '' THATS WHY YOU SOUND LIKE THE ROBLOX COIL SOUND BITCH BOI- how about we talk about roblox doors? Whats your gamer tag?''

🤡 ''my @ is… uh.. OH FUCK. ALL I CAN POST IS ☻/ This is bob. Copy and paste him so he can take over youtube. /▌ /\ ''

🎩 ''FORGOT PASSWORD? SIGN IN USING EMAIL ADDRESS.. OR MAKE A NEW ACCOUNT! ENTER NEW NAME AND NEW PASSWORD''

🤡 ''GOD FUCKING DAMMIT KRIS WHERE THE HELL ARE WE''

🎩''dont you worry your 0% rizz, your new tumblr url can be ANYTHING! Heweby acknowwedging that youw chosen name and ow names may nowt bweach the Digitaw Ciwcus usew wicense agreement stating that youw name may nowt incwude objectionabwe content. Objectionabwe content incwudes but is nowt wimited to: Sexuawwy expwicit matewiaws, obscene, defamato-wy, wibewous, swande-wous, vio-went, and ow un-wawfuw content ow pwofanity. ''

🤡'' erm… actually.. randomly generate it please. ''

🎩 ''lets see… Who is Pomni - for 300?'' (jeopardy)

🤡 ''(womp.)

🎩 ''you're right, marketable, lets try gyatt again! what do you think of XDDCC? ''

🤡 '' BIYTCH IS YOU BLIND-''

🎩 '' badonkers. dobonhonkeros. massive doboonkabhankoloos. big ol' tonhongerekoogers!!! we should start a sidequest with our new donator, XDDCC!!! ''

🐰 ''i said that at 3:20 in the original pilot''

🎩 ''YYYOUUUUUU! SOILDJABOY OFF IN IT, WATCH ME CRANK IT WATCH ME ROLL, WATCH ME CRANK THAT SOULJA BOY THEN SUPERMAN THAT, NOW WATCH ME YUUU-''

🫧'' (plays kevin mcloyed)''

🎩'' ########### ## ####### ### ### # # ##### ''

🤡 ''does anybody in this thread play minecraft-''

🎩 '' SINCE YOUR ACCOUNT IS 12 MINUTES OLD, were gonna make this simple for your ipad baby ass, a simple oklahomo powered adventure to warm you up to the pizza tower. ''

📐 ''NO!! I DONT WANT TO PLAY WII SPORTS… GRRR… eyes glow red''

🎩'' dont worry zooble/halfdemon/princess/rich/gamer/wolf/donttouchmytail/crush;secret!!! ill make it so you can play it on console AND pc! ''

aXRzIHNvIGNvbGQ

🎩 '' hello everybody my name is markiplier and welcome to gather the number lore! thats right! here in the rainbow friends playplace will be rizzed up with swifties, you gotta catch em- (COPYRIGHT)''

🫧 ''what are swifties?''

🎩 ''thanks for the ask, anon! theyre mid-''

🫧''can it run bad apple''

🎩 ''..they-''

🫧''..can it play megalovani----''

🎩'' Swifties are part of the number lore that vore everything and draw anything they rizz into! Why do these sans fangirls do this? How do you block them? thats for me to know and for you to find out.''

🤡''…what… did any of gyatt mean?''

🎀 ''oh, hes just ai generating mr beast videos, theyre content farm so the ipad babies dont go insane.''

📐''speak for yourself motherfucker, if anyone needs me im smoking a fat blunt- OH GOD OH FUCK- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa….''

🐰''oh no, they killed zooble.. you bastards.. anyway you lesbians wanna play touhou?''

🎀'' (pheonix wright) HOLD IT!! we should check on KSI-FMO. I'm pretty sure he'd like to challange XDDCC to a boxing match!''

♟️''THERES 104 DAYS IN SUMMER VACATION-''

🎀'' You wanna come with us to *check on boykisser kaufmonster, how should i feel?''

♟️''Not rizzly. I think Kevin macleoufmos got packed by packgod. Last time I spoke with him, he was watching Lankybox for over 6 hours."

🤡''whose lankybox?''

♟️''No."

🎭''can someone save my goth genderfriend :(''

🤡 '' Well if you wont tell me, then I'll just ask him. And then I'll stop watching dream and watch tubbo instead!"

🐰 ''Heh. She still thinks dream isnt a pedo."

🎀 ''why are you looking at me like that? …. fa-"

🐰 ''im fine with doing (yourmom) as long as I get to see vanossgaming gmod prophunt funny moments- OW. okay ive had enough of these spambots. You, me, and XDDCC will go to the gastation. Sexualized ribbons and tumblr sexyman together will go block all the swifties.

🎀 ''..is shipping them a good idea?"

🐰 ''of course i do, im also a tumblr sexyman, whats gonna happen? i get shipped next? (proweler meme)''

🎭 ''…my comedy cock is broken again.''

♟️''okay. wait WHAT. ''

aW0gaHVuZ3J5

🎀''Welcome to the internet, have a look around, anything skibidi or phantum tax can be found. We gyatt maximum sigma grindset, but- WAIT XDDCC NO DONT LOOK UP YOUR OWN NAME!- '

🤡 ''I dont understand.. why go to the goofy ahh meepcity parties instead of trying to exit terraria?''

🎀''Well, we usually do, when we first make an account. But after awhile you start to realize that shiny hunting for the same pokemon or trying to get your favorite animal crossing villager to visit your island will make you become marketable and youll succumb to the pibby glitch."

🐰''Thank goodness this is all just an SMP, right XDCC?''

🤡''……………………… Why are we here again? Who am i, who am i? What are you even saying?''

🎀''We're gyetting one of the boys at 3 am." … Huh. Maybe he's off-stream mining? Hope he's not in creative.

🐰''Dont worry raggedy andy, Im gonna be so racist itll open the door."

🎀 ''JAX NO!!! YOU SHOULDNT BE RACIST TO DOOR!!!!''

🐰''Okay i wont be racist… JUST KIDDING, IM ULTRA RACIST NOW. You're not afraid of gay people, are you?"

🎀''JAXX!!!!!!!!! THATS LITERALLY MY ONLY FEAR (homophobic) WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS…!!!"

🐰''(minecraft open door) im gonna have to take my balls back from you kaufy. Papyrus.. im going to grillbys, do you want anything?"

🎀 ''..OH….. KAUFMO985 BECAME PART OF THE PIBBY GLITCH. INSERT SEINFIELD THEME."

tobecontinued.

#cw longpost #cw tadc #cw the amazing digital circus

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jennrypan · 6 months

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This fucking fandom. Anti and non anti seem to fucking put Zeus on this stupid ass pedestal while hating Hera so fucking much

Cuz shes racist to nymphs?? AS IF ZEUS ISNT JUST AS FUCKING DISGUSTING WHEN IT COMES TO NYMPHS??? Let's be so God damn fucking fr. Also hera doesn't hate all nymphs, obviously. She just didn't like MINTHE cuz to her Minthe was an asshole.

Like God fucking dammit. Yall think Zeus is this Saint or some shit like he isn't literally worse than A LOT OF THEM (coming from a person who genuinely loves Zeus and finds him fascinating.)

Yall are so fucking stupid I swear.

Like talking specifically Lore Olympus. Yall blow shit out of fucking proportion just so you can praise Zeus when he'd in fact be so much fucking worse

Also people alwaaays bring up Hera getting with Hades ( WHICH IS A TERRIBLE PLOT POINT. IT SUCKS AND I HATE IT. But anywaays..)

Zeus has had SEVERAL God damn fucking lovers. And don't spin it like hera and Hades getting together is what caused that. No. Zeus is a God damn fucking slut and would cheat no matter what.

This fandom hates on allll the female gods but Zeus is just so fucking perfect apparently?? He's just so good

This is why I'm writing a fic that highlights that he's a DICK cuz people seem to forget that shit.

#j.p speaks #lore olympus #lo critical #anti lore olympus #its so INFURIATING FR #like. yall can hate persephone and hades (LO) without dragging in hera.#im agitated #how you hate hera but love zeus?? be so fuckin fr

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pesterloglog · 3 months

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Dave Strider, Roxy Lalonde, Dirk Strider, Karkat Vantas

Meat, page 32

DAVE: yo

DAVE: love to chat but im kinda in the middle of something

ROXY: yo yourself but this is important

DAVE: uhhh

DAVE: more important than salvaging the global economy from potential disaster??

DAVE: sounds hugely unlikely

ROXY: idk about that

ROXY: in terms of scale and relativity and stuff maybe not

ROXY: its actually kinda hard to tell

ROXY: i guess in the grand scheme of things

ROXY: shes just takin a sort of nap

ROXY: but its one HELL of a nap bro

DAVE: a nap you say

DAVE: well this changes the fuck out of everything

ROXY: yea??

DAVE: nah

ROXY: lmao dirk just texted me about this

ROXY: somehow he found out about jade did u tell him

DAVE: uh no

ROXY: he just said make sure she gets lotsa daylight

ROXY: that itll help with the “exorcism she needs”.....

ROXY: and also to say hi to calliope for some fuckin reason??

DAVE: thats weird

DAVE: since when does he give a fuck about them

ROXY: idk

ROXY: guess ill just open the damn curtains and let some light in here

ROXY: he usually knows stuff about weird things

DAVE: so whats wrong with her again

DAVE: like

DAVE: some sort of demonic nap

ROXY: ok i wouldnt say shes NAPPING per se

ROXY: shes just like

ROXY: floatin here... upright

ROXY: eyes wide open

ROXY: and theyre both pitch black

DAVE: oh so she saw one of my latest sbahj campaign ads

ROXY: lol

ROXY: no dude

ROXY: like what im sayin is

ROXY: she looks a lil possessed

ROXY: by uh

ROXY: grim spirits n shit

DAVE: is she fucking grimbark again

ROXY: no!

ROXY: this isnt grimbark

ROXY: i KNOW what grimbark is dave this aint it

ROXY: it seems more serious tbh??

ROXY: like existing in some transformative state that isnt a literal fuckin joke

DAVE: ok yeah this does sound pretty bad

DAVE: but its not really my field

DAVE: did you try calling rose

ROXY: yea that was totes my original plan

ROXY: like no offense ur not #1 on my speed dial when it comes to this kinda thing

ROXY: but rose isnt picking up

ROXY: probly on account of ailments to be fair

ROXY: i called an unruly number of times

ROXY: and kan wasnt picking up either so...

DAVE: huh

DAVE: spooky

ROXY: hella spooky

ROXY: somethin about all this seems wrong

DAVE: yeah i guess

DAVE: what do you think is up

ROXY: idk

ROXY: i feel like theres something movin just out the corner of my vision but every time i turn to look at it

ROXY: its gone

ROXY: its givin me chills rn like im being watched

DAVE: well im no fucking ace detective

DAVE: or some gumshoe flatfoot dicking up the place suckin hard on my sherlock pipe like some sleuth of the fucking year

ROXY: dave

DAVE: but maybe we should consider the possibility that you are literally being watched

ROXY: ..............

DAVE: anyway can we hold that wise and rad thought i just had

DAVE: i gotta give karkat some emotional support

DAVE: since gettin jake on our side was a pretty huge fucking bonanza for us

DAVE: which has almost equal probability of winning us the election as it does blowing up in our faces depending on this speech he gives

DAVE: so we gotta like

DAVE: concentrate here?????

DAVE: instead of jerking each other off all god damned day for the rest of our lives

DAVE: (im just joking we dont actually do that)

ROXY: oh

ROXY: jakes on ur side then?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: wasnt that hard to convince him after your girl j crock started slut shaming him on public access

ROXY: god dammit jane

DAVE: so i take it jade didnt convert you to our cause before going into her gothic trance fugue or whatever

ROXY: siiigh

ROXY: i just want this whole stupid political thing over n done with tbh

ROXY: i hate watchin u guys tear each other apart in the news

DAVE: yeah sorry about that

DAVE: sorry its making you feel bad i mean

DAVE: not sorry that were doin it

DAVE: itd be an unconscionably lame move to put something on a billboard that i didnt 100% stand by

DAVE: but that sounds suspiciously like something jane would do

DAVE: aka the bad guy in this situation

DAVE: like objectively speaking

ROXY: ugh pls dont start

DAVE: just sayin

ROXY: idgAF!!!

DAVE: also

DAVE: aside from how vehemently i disagree with every detail in janes shitty platform

DAVE: i also think

DAVE: karkats the right guy for the job

DAVE: full stop

ROXY: you rly believe in him dont u

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: of course i do

DAVE: because i...

ROXY: hey before you jet can i ask you another question

ROXY: theres somethin else ive been meanin to ask u about for a while

DAVE: uh alright shoot

ROXY: yea soooo

ROXY: dave how did you come out

DAVE: ...

DAVE: what?

ROXY: like as not being straight

ROXY: howd you couch that to ppl w/o them freakin out or being awkward around u

ROXY: do u think its ever too late to

ROXY: idk

ROXY: change ur mind?

ROXY: about the person you wanna be??

ROXY: like is there a some point of no return you can cross where everyone is waitin for u to have a big ass revelation about your internal character

ROXY: but its like “dude no u already used up all ur gay capital when u started datefriend cohabitating w a cute as hell skeleton alien”

ROXY: and anything after that ur just gettin greedy

ROXY: is greedy even the right word

ROXY: greedy for droppin bombshells

ROXY: bout gender identities and sexual preferences

ROXY: or ids n preffies as i like to call em ;)

DAVE: ids n preffies

DAVE: damn

DAVE: thats fucking good

DAVE: anyway uh

DAVE: thats a pretty deep question considering all the shit we have going on right now

ROXY: yeah ur right

ROXY: now is probs not the best time for a feels jam

ROXY: especially with the creepy jade situation happening on my couch here

DAVE: i dunno if id worry too much about that

DAVE: jade goes into trances literally all the time

DAVE: she fucking loves sleeping

DAVE: youd think someone who spent so much of her life locked in a state of dubiously consensual slumber would wanna get as few zees as possible in her adult life but not jade

DAVE: ive never known anyone who hits the snooze button more times in a row than her

DAVE: if youre that worried take her to a hospital

ROXY: im thinkin about it!!

ROXY: not even sure if i wanna like

ROXY: mess with her tho?

ROXY: how would i even take her there...

DAVE: ok well while you ponder whether you wanna dump jade in a wheelbarrow and trundle her groggy spooked-up ass to the hospital

DAVE: in the meantime ill rap at you about my epiphany concerning the desire to bone some dudes

DAVE: probably not a literal rap though

ROXY: wow im disappointed

DAVE: i mean i could TOTALLY rap about wanting to bone dudes if i wanted?

DAVE: im just on the fuckin clock here and theres lots of people lookin at me

ROXY: :(

DAVE: ok so

DAVE: what ive learned is

DAVE: coming to terms with all this bullshit is a thing you sort of do in stages

DAVE: like stage one is you making jokes about how sweaty dudes standing close together in tv shows seems really gay

DAVE: stage two is making jokes about that and not immediately adding no homo afterward

DAVE: stage three is flirting with all your male friends ironically and not even thinking about adding no homo afterward because youre so fuckin woke and secure in your ironclad straight masculinity that you dont have anything to prove to anybody anymore

DAVE: or thats just what you say out loud

DAVE: inside you start being like

DAVE: oh shit

DAVE: maybe yes homo

DAVE: stage four is freaking out about that and putting the no homo back on all your statements even objectively heterosexual ones which just stupidly makes everything you say sound extra gay

DAVE: stage five is

DAVE: actually wait the next few stages are various permutations of the same thing that i already described

DAVE: it starts being like a gay fractal

DAVE: anyway eventually you arrive at like stage nine

DAVE: which is reminding everyone who will listen that youre gay minimum six times a day

DAVE: in really lame ways like

DAVE: oh cool dude are you making hot pockets

DAVE: better make mine a gay hot pocket

DAVE: cause im a gay homosexual who only consumes homo ass snacks delivered right to my mouth by a big queer butler

DAVE: servin it right up on his huge gay dick

DAVE: but that all only applies to the extent which i am technically gay

DAVE: which in my case is only about maybe 30% to 70%

DAVE: so only cook 30% to 70% of my gay hot pocket

DAVE: cause you know straights are fucking animals who never defrost their pepperoni

DAVE: and i gotta rep for that like 50% straightness still lurking inside me like the idiot who fell asleep in the shopping mall when it was closing for the night

DAVE: so now theres just this straight dude locked in a dark fucking mall for some stupid reason haunting the place like a cryptid and rummaging through the trash in the food court

DAVE: also just in case janes opposition research is listening in on their illegal wiretap i know the word bisexual exists btw im just choosing not to use it in service of spitting some fuckin chuckle jokes here so lets all calm down and not let this one become a distressingly literal federal issue

DAVE: anyway when all is said and done

DAVE: you eat a half cooked hot pocket because all your roommates think the height of humor is taking what was obviously an improvisational riff at unironic face value to punk you

ROXY: dave...

DAVE: what

ROXY: nm

ROXY: i was gonna ask you why ur like this

ROXY: then i remembered about how ur half me and half dirk

DAVE: yeah it really is crazy how those dope late game familial reveals actually did explain everything

ROXY: so whats stage ten

DAVE: stage ten is uhhhhhhhh

DIRK: The Prince opens his fucking mouth, and just literally starts SAYING SHIT, out loud, because he doesn’t think he can take another fucking second listening to a pompous alien virgin monologuing about gender.

DIRK: No consequence, my ass. You may be able to suppress what I do with my mind, but you have no control over my mouth. I’m nobody’s fucking puppet.

DIRK: And you don’t even know my friends. They’re not yours to toy with.

DIRK: They’re mine.

DIRK: Do you even know where I am right now?

DIRK: Do you have the slightest idea what I’m up to

DIRK: Yeah, well. Try and stop me then.

DIRK: I fucking dare you.

DIRK: Here I go. I’m walking up the tower stairs now.

DIRK: Walk, walk, walk. Ah, the exercise feels good.

DIRK: Argh. Wow, yeah.

DIRK: You’re right. My feet are definitely getting heavy.

DIRK: But the Dead Cherub tragically underestimates the Prince’s determination. He powers the fuck through it. See?

DIRK: Stomp, stomp, stomp. Up the stairs he goes. No fucking sweat.

DIRK: Oh also, did he mention? He can fucking fly, so there’s that.

DIRK: He decides to take flight and cut to the chase. He whips up the hollow vertical shaft at the center of the spiraling tower stairs. Life in the fast lane kicks ass, it turns out.

DIRK: He can practically taste the top of the tower.

DIRK: The Prince busts out his sword and makes short work of that big old bell.

DIRK: The slicing is accompanied by the ear-shattering melodic sounds of metal being cleaved apart by an anime sword, as the Prince nimbly avoids the sharp pieces and ricocheting stair debris.

DIRK: He wonders out loud, “what is this, amateur hour”?

DIRK: The Dead Cherub then humorlessly narrates, “why, yes. yes mr. strider, it IS amateur hour. and i’m the amateur here, for throwing a huge bell at you. i would like to humbly apologize for my amateurism.”

DIRK: Sure you do.

DAVE: well lets just say internalized whatevers are kind of like an onion

DAVE: theres lots of layers

DAVE: they suck on pizza

DAVE: and trolls have to get their stomach pumped if they eat them

DAVE: this goes for gender stuff too btw

DAVE: which i kinda get the feeling is what you were actually asking about

ROXY: wow am i rly that transparent?

DAVE: nah but as previously discussed youre a lot like me

DAVE: so it was pretty easy to figure out what you were getting at

ROXY: yea

ROXY: i dont got ur poker face tho

ROXY: but im workin on that!

ROXY: maybe ill get a sick pair of shades too

DAVE: oh DOPE

DAVE: yeah thats dope i support that idea

DIRK: I’m on top of the tower now. I’ve got my long sniper rifle ready and everything.

DIRK: I check to see if it’s loaded. It is. I get in the PERFECT spot for taking aim at this hunky imbecile who’s about to give a speech.

DAVE: anyway i dont think any of our friends are gonna hold your feet to the flames over dumb shit like this

DAVE: and its not like anyone else is gonna care since we definitely forgot to program hating gays and women into earth c

DAVE: humans are all jacked up on hating xenophiles now

DAVE: which sucks a lot too dont get me wrong

DAVE: btw did you know janes a xenophobe

ROXY: dave!!!

DAVE: ok ok

DAVE: so does all this mean i gotta call you dad now or what

ROXY: wat

DAVE: i mean thats what were talkin about right

ROXY: well first of all

ROXY: do u still even make a habit of callin me mom??

ROXY: i thought u kinda stopped that

ROXY: even if it was effin cute

DAVE: oh yeah i guess i did

DAVE: but i could start again

DAVE: but not if it means id have to go to fucking gender jail or something

DAVE: like what i mean is i could start that cute shit again but switch to dad

ROXY: ok but SECOND of all

ROXY: i would never want to deprive dirk of that noble honorific

DAVE: what

DAVE: ugh no way

ROXY: hahaha yeah way hes ya daddy dude!

DAVE: aw fuck noooo

DAVE: wow man

DAVE: i would never call him that

DAVE: i mean i know its true but i just wouldnt...

DAVE: wait

ROXY: what

DAVE: something feels

DAVE: wrong

ROXY: ???

DAVE: like some shits about to go down

DAVE: and i gotta...

DAVE: karkat! dude!!!

DAVE: GET DOWN!

KARKAT: WHAT?????

DIRK: You’re absolutely right.

DIRK: I would never do that.

DIRK: I’d never kill Dave, no matter what I felt the stakes were. I’d never hurt him either.

DIRK: You do understand me pretty well, I’ll give you that. And you’re right about many things.

DIRK: But there are just a couple things you’re wrong about.

DIRK: Pretty important things, actually.

DIRK: First of all, this gun is loaded.

DIRK: But not with bullets.

DIRK: Yes. You’re right about the tranquilizer.

DIRK: But there’s one more fact you’re not aware of.

DIRK: Which is that I never intended to aim for Jake at all.

ROXY: hellooooooo

ROXY: dave??

ROXY: whered ya go

DIRK: No, that’s not what he does.

DIRK: He swings the rifle around one hundred eighty degrees, and points the scope toward the large, now-curtainless window of a distant apartment.

DIRK: He zooms in quickly, cutting even shorter the little time that the Dead Cherub could use to impede him in some way.

DIRK: He takes aim, lets his finger hover over the trigger, and...

DIRK: Ow!

DIRK: Yeah, you got me. Can’t move it an inch.

DIRK: The only problem is, he doesn’t need to pull that trigger.

DIRK: Earlier, when he was messing around with all this shit in plain view, he rigged the rifle to be voice-operated.

DIRK: All he needs to do is say...

DIRK: FIRE.

DIRK: I see. So you’re not going to say what happens next?

DIRK: Is that really how it’s gonna be?

DIRK: So be it.

DIRK: The tranquilizer dart hits the glass of Roxy’s apartment window before the sound from the rifle’s shot even reaches them.

DIRK: She hears the glass break. Seconds later, she hears the bang. She drops her phone on the floor.

DIRK: She doesn’t have the slightest idea what just happened until she looks over at Jade and notices the dart stuck in her neck, right in the jugular vein.

DIRK: She watches as Jade’s huge, creepy black eyes start getting heavy. Her eyelids sag, and her head tilts to the side.

DIRK: She shuts her eyes completely. Her hair stops floating around her ominously. In fact, there’s nothing ominous about her at all anymore. She entirely resumes her status as the cute doggy girl we all know and love.

DIRK: She slumps over and collapses onto the couch. She begins snoring loudly while making a little canine whimper on each exhale.

DIRK: Like the bitch she is.

DIRK: Oh, what’s that? You’re getting a little quiet for some reason.

DIRK: You’re going to have to speak up.

DIRK: Aaand, nope.

DIRK: You’re getting quieter, not louder. You’re gonna need to work on that.

DIRK: Maybe try shouting it?

DIRK: Yeah, I didn’t catch that at all.

DIRK: Not even one syllable.

DIRK: Guess that’s it for you? Back to not mattering.

DIRK: Not that you ever did.

DIRK: Come to think of it, why am I still talking out loud?

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #dave strider #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #karkat vantas #meat epilogue #page 32

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autistic-katara · 1 year

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just wanna say before i watch WaD that i am the Collector’s biggest fan, he reminds me of my little siblings and i just wanna give them an iPad and play their favourite roblox game with him and bring him to a playground and buy them sweets while out that they arent normally allowed to have and do everything else i do w/ my baby siblings with him cause god fucking dammit he deserves to be a normal kid who gets to play normal games and isnt being constantly fucking manipulated by ppl and if ToH doesnt end w/ them being able to do that i WILL riot

#i feel like they’d get along w/ my 7yo brother #but at the same time theyd constantly have massive fights over stuff like whether to play minecraft or roblox #i want to adopt him as a sibling and protect him #this is probably incredibly random but fckk off i had to stay up till 3am to watch this #the owl house #the collecter toh #no WaD spoilers

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readyandnot · 2 years

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holy fuck. here we go.

SAM/DARLIN THOUGHTS:

(spoilers under the cut)

first of all- COLOR CHANGE LOVE IT

second of all- THE TITLE MY FUCKING GOD

“vampire MATE” “MAKES YOU A PROMISE” 🥺

okay lowkey disappointed we didn’t have a call with david but no big deal lmao he’s mentioned anyway

“i already know what you’re thinking darlin” NO YOU DONT…

“like hell i don’t” okay fine maybe you do-

well fuck me sam knows darlin too well, love him for that <3

“hey. look at me, please.” GOD DAMMIT ALREADY???

SAAAAAM YOURE SO SOFT FOR NO REASON

I JUST LISTENED TO HIS BA THIS WEEK AND I KNEW HE WAS SOFT BUT FUCK ITS STILL EFFECTIVE

his breath of relief when darlin looks up at him. THATS GOTTA BE ANOTHER LEVEL OF TRUST. ESPECIALLY WITH THE FACT THAT MOST PEOPLE PROB STRUGGLE WITH FOR FEAR OF TRANCING-

and darlin looks up with no hesitation. i love these two omfg

“i know. and i’m not judging you for it. i get it, i feel it too.” and there’s my first hand up to the face.

“my first thought was to run up there and end this fucker too.” HE UNDERSTANDS. OF COURSE HE DOES HES SAM FOR GODS SAKES

“darlin you know that’s not what i’m saying.” HES SO STEADY AND CALM LIKE FUCK IF HE ISNT PERFECT FOR DARLIN-

“give me a second, please” the trust these two have for one another my fucking god

“they can bring him down now there’s enough heat for them to do something about it”

sam i get it and i want to believe that, but when had the department been quick about something besides the fl and vega situation? and he still isn’t caught after the breakout, neither is regulus. if i’m wrong then i’m wrong but it’s also not where i think the story might be heading so i’m having doubts that it’s just gonna end with quinn in custody. that’s too easy.

“when i had to stand in front of them and explain what he did to my progeny”- FRED AND BRIGHT OMFG

“it’s fucked up.”

what i love more about this is that sam truly understands the frustration first hand. he knows the suffering behind waiting and nothing being done. he can truly understand darlin and help them to the best of his abilities and not bullshit them. he literally tells them his thoughts about when he first heard and what he wants to do, but he knows what’s best and to stay calm.

“for once you don’t have to do it alone. so don’t do it alone” sam, you’re gonna fucking break me.

“i’m asking you to promise me something. promise me you will let the department try to handle all this” darlin better not break this promise istg-

DAVID AND ANSEL MENTION LETS GO

SWEETHEART MENTION LETS FUCKING GO SAM KNOWS THEYRE POWERFUL AF AND GREAT AT THEIR JOB

“hey, i’m not asking for this to be one sided though. if you promise me you’ll let them try without running off on your own, then i promise you, if he keeps at it, if he keeps hurting innocent people and they still haven’t gotten him, then you and i will hunt him down. together. and we’ll take that freak to task. no half measures. no holding back. we do whatever we have to, to bring him down. can you promise me that?”

“i promise” “okay, then that’s what we’ll do”

MY GOD YES I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. THE TRUST AND THE LOVE AND SUPPORT.

“come here.” AHHHHH IM SOBBING HUGS YES PLEASE

“i know darlin. i know..” FUCK- AND KISSES TOO AHHHHH

“it’s cause now you got more things to lose again.”

this is a point that’s been brought up into light for a while now. the fact that darlin wasn’t wrong in wanting to do this on their own from the start, because they didn’t have a lot to lose. they were separated from the pack, and therefore making quinn feel like attacking them wouldn’t work on darlin. and it makes sense. but like sam is about to say, it’s a reason to go back and live instead of dying alongside it.

LOVELY MENTION WOOOOO

OH MY GOD FRED AND BRIGHT MENTION YET AGAIN

i’m not kidding when i heard sam say that I SLAMMED MY FISTS AGAINST MY PILLOW IN EXCITEMENT AT THE MENTION OF THEM.

because NOW especially with redacted saying “old characters coming back” MAKES ME THINK WE MIGHT SEE THE RETURN OF FRED AND BRIGHT. ITS A LONG SHOT I KNOW BUT ITD BE FUCKING SICK.

i wasnt around when fred and bright were on the channel, and that hurts me to this day lmao because i’ve gotten so curious on what they were like and how sam was (even if he was an asshole). i still would’ve loved to hear how it was, and based on what people have said, yes sam is probably better off without that playlist leaving a bad taste in peoples mouths, but it’s still intriguing, whether he was bad or not. it also leaves more room for growth in the good he has done and what he has become as a character. idk just my thoughts. because most of us weren’t around and left with curious thoughts, so the return of those two with a somewhat better situation would be insane.

“not to mention they have their own trauma from him” HE RECOGNIZES THAT YES.

“i still feel it like, like a knife in my heart, when fred wakes up screaming in the middle of sleep. even when he’s far away from me, he had one of those nightmares when we went up on vacation with your pack. i still felt it. even there.”

that fucking hurts. i wasn’t even around back then but that hurts nonetheless. HE HAD IT ON VACATION IMAGINE HOW SAM FELT LIKE FUCK.

quinn doesn’t have progeny!!!! thank god. he doesn’t seem like the type to like sam said.

“i feel frederick here. always. when you turn someone you give them a piece of yourself. and that never goes away.” AHHHHHHHHHHHH-

also why does that feel like foreshadowing…

“i know the thought of waiting makes your blood boil” WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY-

one of my fav parts: “he’s out there, but he’s also up here.”KISS MOTHERFUCKING KISS ON THE HEAD “in your head”

SAM COLLINS YOU FUCKING DREAM OF A MAN I CAN ONLY IMAGINE DARLINS FACE WHEN HE DID THAT

“the rest of the the fight is right here, inside here. you can’t let him own your mind. if your every waking thought is of him, then he wins. without having to life a finger. it’s easier said then done believe me i know that.” sam’s right, half the battle is mentally as well, darlin isn’t in the right headspace to take him on as they’re full of adrenaline. and while he can’t be every thought, he can’t be ignored that’d just be stupid.

alexis mention. this is a touchy subject, because we don’t exactly know her perspective but i’ll always support sam. he was hurt terribly by her and made into something he refused to be. i’ll always take his side no matter the intentions, good or not.

“but we can’t let those people who hurt us, own us at a time like this, that’s a fight i’m not willing to lose. and i know you aren’t either..” MOTHERFUCKING PREACH

“so, we keep on living, life is better with people you care for in it. even if it does make the scary shit more scary. it means you got something to lose. but it also means you got something to fight for, so we’ll fight, in our own way for now. by keeping them safe.”

“and if the time comes, we’ll follow through on that promise of ours. and you and i put this fucker six feet down and never look back, in the name of everybody he’s ever hurt.” WELL THAT ENDED MORE ABRUPT THAN I THOUGHT LMAO

if it does come to that, i wonder how david will react, because they might not tell him, i’m sure he’d be disappointed. i wonder.

sam sam sam, i love you so much, you’re the right mate and support for darlin. he knows how to help and has first hand experience alongside them. god they’re so perfect together.

the way sam and darlin have evolved together is so fucking astonishing. they trust each other with everything and anything. it’s so beautiful to see similar people love each other deeply and have an understanding of each other in a way most people in their life don’t. not with them i mean. i love their relationship so fucking much. one of my top fav pairings on the channel. well done.

i also like the fact now that there’s most likely been development in fred and brights relationship with sam. i’ve heard sam was not the best of people with bright and apparently blaming them. but hearing how he talks about them now, makes me think he truly sees them as a person who made a mistake and never intended for this to happen. and that they really and truly care for fred. i’d like to think sam and bright are more caring of each other now.

i truly have hope for a good ending in this plot line, it’s a high hope but i always look for the bright side of things, this being no exception.

WHOS NEXT- ASHERRRRRRR MY LOVEEEEEE

i love him so much my god. i’m excited for this one, WE LOVE A DATE NIGHT IN AND WITH ONE OF THE BESTEST BOIS hehe <333

#redacted asmr #redacted sam #readyrambles

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meili-sheep · 2 years

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Just realized i have a penchant for Kaeya fighting to-be Diluc’s suitors or partners to the most non-violent and aggressive things ever-- like dance battles, sports matches, who can make the best snowcones, etc.

Its probably because, despite how much Kaeya wants to keep him away from all that, he doesnt want any bad blood between all parties involved and just wishes for Diluc’s happiness

So he fights them in any way that isnt an actual physical fight or battle. Although id imagine if this was Chiluc, he'd get really close to just straight up punching Childe in the face AHAH

Oh Kaeya, Childe is a bit battlecrazed-- if you introduce him to fights that arent "fights", you have just created possibly the most dangerous skill monkey in all of Teyvat.

Imagine if he accidentally challenges fucking zHONGLI to a history battle AHAHA-- KAEYA WOULD GET FUCKING FLOORED--

Oh my god, Kaeya goes to challenge Itto but Itto is 10 billion steps ahead of him and challenges him to an onikabuto battle-- KAEYAS GONNA HAVE TO CRAWL AROUND ALL OF INAZUMA TO FIND A BUG FOR THIS-- DILUC IS OFF TO THE SIDE WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED THAT BROUGHT HIM TO THIS POINT AHAHAHA

Highkey feel like Albedo would be the only one that Kaeya would approve of, but itd still be hilarious if he challenges him to something tho so-- Kaeya v Albedo, carnival/arcade games, i feel like Kaeya would go for this since Albedo is a little too focused on his research to play these during festivals and stuff. He might have a chance if he picks the game carefully

Thoma might also be someone Kaeya approves but he hAS TO PROTECT HIS BROTHER DAMMIT SO CHALLENGE IT IS-- windgliding race, amber is the referee. Hes betting on the fact that hes been stuck in Inazuma for a while and hadnt had the chance to freely windglide due to the constant lightning. Too bad for Kaeya, Diluc is a great windgliding teacher and its like Thoma never even stopped windgliding for years--

What the fuck would Kaeya even challenge Xiao to-- oh my god i got it while i was writing this-- the fUCKING PILE-EM-UP GAME AHAHAHAHAHAH-- JUST-- THE IMAGE OF THE CAVALRY CAPTAIN OF MONDSTAT AND THE VIGILANT YAKSHA ADEPTUS XIAO GLARING DAGGERS AT EACH OTHER AS THEY TRY TO PRECARIOUSLY PILE UP FOOD IS HILARIOUS TO ME AND IS ENOUGH FOR ME TO SUGGEST IT AHAHAHA

Eula, eula, eula, what would he challenge her to? Oh my god. Dance off. Eula thinks shes gonna win because she dances a lot in her free time but then Kaeya just turns to Venti, goes "gimme a beat", and starts fucking bREAKDANCING-- THIS IS NOT THE DANCING EULA EXPECTED BUT SHES TRYING HER BEST--

So the only one I think Kaeya would actually approve of is Thoma. cause he knows Thoma is a good guy. Like everyone else can screw off even Albedo. Cause you can't convince me, Kaeya fully trusts Albedo. You just can't. Like yeah, they bond over caring for Klee, but still, Albedo gives the vibes he has his own goal and will place them above all else. Also, Albedo and Diluc would never talk about their relationship, so Kaeya would hear about it until Klee spills the beans about them planning to get married or something.

And funny enough, Kaeya would start out liking Zhongli but quickly grow to LOATH him as he sees Diluc buy everything for him and ends up probably convinced that Zhongli is totally in it for Diluc's money. Probably ends up as the one Kaeya hates the most. Cause with the other, he can kind of see how well they treat Diluc and the effort they put in. It is much harder to see that with Zhongli.

Eula is not allowed cause she's obviously trying to use Diluc to clear her name.

Xiao is probably the one Kaeya grows to like the most and ends up slotted behind Thoma. Because I can see Kaeya noticing how Xiao is always so very careful with Diluc. And honestly won't talk about really anything until you talk about Diluc. So Yeah

So here is Kaeya's rating of Diluc's suiters.

Thoma -> Xiao-> -> Itto -> Eula -> -> -> Albedo -> Childe -> -> -> -> -> Ayato->-> -> -> -> -> -> Donna -> -> -> -> -> -> -> Zhongli

Also, none of this means Kaeya will stop being a little shit to Diluc's partners. It just means he's less likely to try and cause problems.

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infectedpaul · 1 year

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ALRIGHT **kurtis conner clap** i did it lets. Try and explain this Under the cut

hiyoko - kazuaki: lovesick losers, in their prime and worried about a life that isnt shared with others. even if its smth hiyoko wont admit it, and she knows that this is the way of things and its better to live a life worth the harm of the end of a story, its still tragic and terrifying because shes already lost her life practically and is only now building it back up. the idea of losing everyone is worse than death itself for these two, (the key difference is hiyoko wouldnt have her Royalty arc because shes got infinite respawns :[ ). also in the whole Arc shes very much the kazuaki of her relationship with nageki, the key difference here as well is the both of them actually Talk through shit.

relationship - well we know she just outright bullies him and calls him a fucking waste of space in the shrine date but thats her weird teacher shed casually threaten to beat up anyone that tried inflicting actual harm on, shes a Hero dammit

hiyoko - hitori: DO I HAVE TO SAY IT i say it quite a bit. about how theyre both war orphans (that lost like most/all their family in the same incident) and are both so attached and scared of losing that they have left and would do ANYTHING for them , literally would fight god. also are copresidents in the Nageki protection squad.

relationship - practically a family already. he would adopt her in a heartbeat and let her know she doesnt need to fend for herself all the time. shes a warrior but shes also 16. you go hang with your friends ill cook up the bison meat you brought home, sweetie

hiyoko - nageki: dead friiiends, ghosty friends. both are integral to the plot in ways theyll never understand, catalysts taken advantage of by powers far greater than their humdrum, silly lives. to the powers that be, theyre tools to ignite a new world, but theyre loved and important to those around them, and thats what no one expects, that theyre People first, not weapons, and their greatest strengths lies in the people that love them, just like they give strength to them, even if they show it in different ways

relationship: something akin to siblings, mabe not exactly that, i mean if hitori adopts her technically nageki would be her uncle? but they definitely care for each other thats not necessarily romantic in nature, and would do anything for each other no matter the cost, because they know they dont do anything alone. theyre like jam buds ^u^

nageki and kazuaki - again, do i gotta say it because the game does a scary good job at paralleing these two, in what i like to call the uzune curse - do not get attached to this guy Or Else You Will PErish.

relationship - i mean we know for a fact in mirror these two are just Perpetually awkward, right. like hitori brought home a sopping wet man like “Hesmy blorbo” and nageki will just nod and try not to think about that of all freakin people hitori got himself attached to its This Guy but i think theyre friendly, they probably talk about literature and both get really autistic and get more talkative about that than anything

hitori and kazuaki - OH BOY. okay, sad, SAD little men that literally have no one else, and for one reason or another, are surrounded by death, be it **motions at hitori** or **motions at THE GHOST LIVING IN KAZUAKIS HOUSE DID WE FORGET THAT**. theyre both sad and very, VERY worrying, have vengance streaks and dearly want to take care of others in more and more worrying ways, at their worst rhey can act like they know it all and you shouldnt worry. its funny how much the king despises hitori cause i think they share a lot of really toxic traits

relationship:

#dex says things #hatoful boyfriend #I DID IT #hiyoko tosaka #kazuaki nanaki #hitori uzune #nageki fujishiro #(should go w/o saying dont tag this with any shipping tags except for quail bfs I GUESS #the nageki/hiyoko one is solely a personal one thats hc based its #in no way a diss if u ship them its a Dating Sim #just on this one ? love u! <3)

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am-i-sans · 8 months

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dnd adventures 31

cam returns from eeby deeby and lands on undyne! they apologize for landing on her and fall to the ground. undyne tells them to scram cause she wants to be alone. cam heads back to the shop.

frog is still resting on dans. suzy is still crabby. cam tells us what happaned. frog says they should go have fun. frog goes to a random person and asks if theres anything fun around here.

they dont know they just got here, why is that building destroyed? frog tells them about the zombies lol. shes like 'really? where did they come from?' cam says it was a necromancer. 'well thats a bother.' dans is still zoned out. cam tries to think of what to do.

she calls herself annika crow and walks off ok cool. museum? dinosaurs cool! dans is still zoned in the shoe shop oh no they just left him. the kids are in the dino petting zoo. frog can talk to the dinos! tori also talks to them lol. one if the dinos preens cam.

undyne cools off and now is lost again dammit. she got a crit she finds the dinos! meanwhile dans was wandering the city in a daze. a guy runs up to him. he looks like a normal guy but somethings off. he hands dans something and then leaves. dans checks for anything sus. its a brown package and has a weird staticy magical energy he hasnt felt before.

dans opens it. theres a foldable wooden board and an envelope with no signature. in the envelope is a jack of clubs! with a weird shine.

its dess why?! dans reads a letter inside, their instructions. typewriter? 'unfold the board on a flat surface, put the card face up' dans looks around then finds a spot to put the board down. the card turns black! dess pops up out of nowhere?! 'oh im back here. hi.' dans is fucking flabbergasted. 'did you hop out of the card or something?' 'yeah kinda thats employee storage.' 'does that...hurt? are you conscious?' 'nah the last thing i saw i fell to the ground so i guess i was put away.' 'so no eeby deeby?' '...what?' 'did you get your egg?' 'no. i think? now when i got put in the card.'

dans blinks a bunch then slowly tells dess what they missed. 'thats a lot of stuff. sorry im out of it.' dans says to find the others and get them some food. dess tells him to keep the board and stuff and into the bag it goes. we find the dinos!

undyne looks at the dinos and says cool your here and dinos are here nice. she just needed a moment to cool down. she asks if they let you fight dinos here. cam says she isnt allowed to fight dinos cause she would kill them immediately. 'id only knock them out!' tori offers to be a dino if needed. frog is stoked their mom can be a dino lol. tori says she feels smart when she talks to undyne lol.

attika speaks up and asks how you can be a dinosaur? undyne starts asking if she can turn into various plants and her lol. shes now a 9 ft tall undyne lol. now 11ft sksksk. now she picks up undyne lol. cam says she could pick up undyne oh no. dans and dess walks in as undyne is taking off her armor lol.

'uhhh dess is back did we...miss something?' undyne says whats going on and dans gives cam a sly look. oh no undyne is gonna run at her. tori waves at dans as she shrinks to normal. CAM FUCKING DID IT THEY CAUGHT UNDYNE LETS FUCKING GOOOO!!! they forget cam is a fighter lol. 'its not the size' says dess lol. frog tosses confetti hehehe. tori is mildly shocked. undyne tells cam to yeet her at suzy. 'dont break her undyne' undyne crushes suzy oh no lol. suzy cant even shove her off. she finally gets her off and kicks her.

now undyne asks tori oh no. she sighs and agrees. yes she caught her! annika speaks up and says they should stop cause this is a museum. dans is just smiling fondly at them. oh no. undyne. no. nonono. oh no. 'do you wanna be the reason god says yes?' tori throws her at dans oh god. HE GOT A FUCKING CRIT! hes just like how did this happen? she reaches down and fucking picks him up shes pumped now lol. then she puts her armor back on.

so whats the plan? that artifact right. undyne finally notices dess lol. dans says dess teleported in but we assume its weird eeby deeby shit. dans is fucking attuned to dess's board so shes stuck with him wtf. hes gonna be horrifed when he realizes lol.

annika perks up and asks about the artifact. cam asks if she studies magical items. she says magic in general, recently graduated. undyne shows her and annika asks to come along cause she might know of it. undyne tells her its dangerous and some of us have even died and she cant guarantee her safety. also we have a curse where we get stuck lol. annika says shes been in danger before so its fine. undyne calls dibs on the artifact but says she can come.

time to get on soupnik! annika is surprised to see them and undyne explains its her spiritual summon. tori asks if shes sure she wants to stick with us. shes studying soupnik now lol. frog actually introduces themself and blobbo to annika.

tori asks what field she was in. evocation. hmm. vani crawls forward and curls up against annika. we eventually land cause its dark and they need to rest. dans is making dinner. were in a swamp gross. vani is chasing a frog. not our frog like the animal. tori argues with undyne that no she cant magic the water away. undyne asks dans whats for din-din. dans is still kinda out of it and says its sliders.

frog is playing with blobbo who is now splashing around in the swamp lol. so is suzy lol. annika is reading after failing to help with the fire. dans told the local bugs to fuck off lol. tori for fun casts detect magic. she senses something weird in dans backpack hmmm. but she doesnt bring it up cause he IS a warlock.

suzy calls out to cam and throws a mudball at them! cam screeches and ducks under the log after it hits lol. undyne laughs and chokes a bit. cam yells that their shirt is ruined but dans yells they have magic for that. cam yells about the mental toll. dans tells them to throw back but cam says they dont like to get dirty. 'your already dirty.' 'fuck off.' suzy grabs cam and drags them into the swamp. undyne sighs and goes after them and picks them up.

suzy keeps trying to drag them into the swamp. undyne just picks her up too lol. suzy is just feral i swear. undyne offers to play in the mud if she lets go. now its on! cam goes and clings to dans and he sighs and uses presti. cam says they have something to tell dans. its a jar full of those feathers they pulled off of themselves. they say dans has no hair. cam wanted to braid them into his hair but the beard will do.

cam says its a social thing. if your close to someone you give them a feather. an old legend said the feather let the other person have influence over them. cam is a halfling but growing those feathers was so exciting. why is everyone giving dans influence over them lately lol. its to establish a connection aww they wanna share with everyone. dans gets misty eyed and says he would like that very much. cam combs through it and braids a feather into it.

cam looks at undyne and says she needs presti before getting a feather. undyne is too busy wrestling in the mud to notice lol. time to brain tori! then frog! frog gives cam a cool rock.

undyne finally wins and their both exhausted. dans cleans her off with presti, the most useful skill.

moss had to go so we had to stop.

#dans #dnd #dnd adventures

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i-write-shakespeare-not-disney · 11 months

Note

WHAT THIS SHIT WAS IN THEATERS HOLY FUCK??

well i’m glad there’s more content to watch bc i just finished this shit 💀💀💀 god damn im excited to see that ship material bc i havent been so big on shipping in the main storyline bc like friendship is a more consistent thing ~ but i sure as hell can appreciate it when i see it - which means if my ass sees sum kiribaku ima scream bc my bitchass has been deprived these last few seasons LIKE WTF SHOW ME MY BOYS

and i am excited for rody - because in the main storyline its like they keep hinting at ochaco and deku i feel like, but i wouldnt care if they were romantic or stayed as friends tbh, and honestly as im typing this i hope they stay friends cause boys and girls can be friends without it being romantic dammit 😤

but yeah omg i can start one of the movies tomorrow then ahhh

also i know so many of these bitches are queer, this show just needs to admit it

tho one i cant decide on is shoto?? mineta is always shittin on the ladies being all over him which is true bc he is GORGEOUS but homeboy got a goal in mind that isnt romance 💀 and ik theres a lot of diff ships w him that i havent really looked into so for now hes just been best boy i love him

I've seen people headcanon him as ace! I personally liked him with midoriya before rody appeared, and now I just love the idea of him with sero. I have a post about it that I made last night xjcndjfjf

Please feel free to scream about this with me ahhhhh

It took me reading the Manga and rewatching the show to like. Fully appreciate the rest of class A outside the main like. Trio? And to appreciate class B as well. But man now I love them all (mineta excluded) so so much it drives me kind of crazy

#literally talk to me about any of them immmmm

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axverelalol · 1 year

Text

Bowser x Fem!Reader Chapter 4

N/N = Nickname

if theres a text like this with ‘ then its thoughts and or quotation marks or something ok enjoy this probably short chapter

WARNING ⚠️ - chapter contains Cursing, arguing, Blood

Roma POV

‘Y/N Was taking too long..she should be here by now.. maybe i should go check on her..’ i was walking to- or floating to her so called ‘’room’’ i phased through her door and…saw her..Dead!?!? (maybe) that wasnt supposed to happen! i panicked imaging what bowser will think of this….unless…Felix.. nono he wouldnt do that…or i dont think he would…- but i turned into my human form and put the ‘Neckless’ on her so i can touch her and not phase through her, i know i hate her but…i cant let her die..even if im not supposed to..im doing it cause i care not because shes supposed to be alive…i’ll talk to Felix later..

after that

’Finally i got Y/N all patched up…now just- Felix-‘ i floated down the halls hoping i bump into Felix or something like that.

Felix POV

i was floating around thinking about if Y/N Was actually dead well, meh, she should be dead. i saw Roma rushing down the hall then bumped into me

“Oh hey R0mz!”

“Hey! do you uhm… know what happened to…Y/N…?”

“N0? What happened?” Obviously i had to lie. “I went to check on her since she took wayy too long though i know she takes atleast 30 minutes to get somewhere then when i saw her she was…-“

“She wasss?”

…

“on the floor bleeding and she almost died if i hadn’t came back…”

…

‘shit, i thought i killed her!’

“Felix?”

“M-my bad- atleast shes alright”

“Yeah well i gotta go make sure she’s awake so bye!”

“Cya.” Geez, Y/N Is more tougher than i last saw her..well gotta make sure she dies……

Y/N POV

I Woke up with a terrible headache and that sharp pain in my back is killing me…wait…..”IM ALIVE!?!??!?” “YES!!!” then my back started hurting then the headache worsened then i whimpered a bit in pain but the one thought is…who? who tried to…no no stop thinking it was him Y/N!! but…he wouldn’t.. do that…right..?- Felix would never harm me…. right..?- then i saw a familiar circle…. “Roma..?” “Correct!”

…

“Explain. Now.”

“what…”

“Exfuckingplain Roma. WHY THE HELL WERE YOU IGNORING ME?!?!?”

“Im sorry..i was hurt and i wasnt supposed too…”

“That doesnt explain ALL of this. Where are the others? WHY WAS FELIX THERE WHEN I ALMOST DIED? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST!?! why werent you there…for..everything…..”

…

“N/N…im sorry..i truely am…but i have to go….”

“NO.” I grabbed on Roma tight. since i still had the neckless on still.. “Y/N WHAT THE HELL?”

“YOUR STAYING. IM NOT HAVING YOU LEAVE ME HERE ALONE AGAIN. I DONT CARE IF YOU CAN’T STAY. YOUR. FUCKING. STAYING ROMA. THERES NO CHANGING THAT.”

“Y/N STOP, PLEASE! LISTEN TO ME-”

“no. you. listen. to. me.”

…

“Im sick of your bullshit. just tell me WHY YOU LEFT? WHY DIDNT YOU VISIT AND OR TALKED TOO ME!? AND WHY DID YOU-“

“BECAUSE YOU LEFT. YOU LEFT ME ALONE WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE, AND YOU NEVER MENTIONED YOU LEFT EVEN FELIX WAS HURT, YOU BETRAYED HIM SO MANY TIMES AND I HAVE NO IDEA IF HE TRIED TO KILL YOU BUT IF HE DID WE WOULDNT BE HAVING THIS ARGUMENT RIGHT NOW, NOW JUST LEAVE US ALONE!” and with that said..Roma left…i cant believe that i did that…they have the right to hate me..i slowly left the room facing down then it came back to me..’god dammit! did they forget about it aswell?!?’ i rushed down the hall looking for the Dinning room from..earlier?..i dont know anymore, everything is just going wayy too fast but..i dont get it?.. why are they Soo mad? its only been four years? god those idiots but in a good way…i think?- forgetting i was running down the halls i ran into a familiar figure..Fred….? then i tripped and fell face first and my nose started bleeding “OMG!! N/N ARE YOU ALRIGHT??” hell no. that isnt fred…. “Fred..?” “The one and only!” “FRED!” i hugged him tightly not wanting to let go (btw the idiots aka Roma, Felix and Fred are boos) “Alright Alright, save the hugs for later! now…WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU DUMBFUCKINGASS?!?!?!?”

“SOMEWHERE, WHY DO YOU CARE ITS ONLY BEEN FOUR YEARS!?”

…

“N/N…its been 17 years…are you..okay..?”

…

“no no, it hasn’t been 17 years..This is a joke..right?..”

“Theres no joke N/N…”

…

was i really..in a coma and stayed away for that long…? was everything even real..? is this….real?.. “N/N Please..where were you..? you can tell me..we’ve been friends longer than roma and felix tho your closer to roma but still….please?..”

Inhales……………….

“OKMAYBEILEFTWITHOUTSAYINGGOODBYEBECAUSEITHURTTOOMUCHANDIGOTINTOACARACCIDENTBACKINBROOKLYNANDWASINACOMAFORPROBABLY4YEARSOR3YEARSANDTHERESTIDKPROBABLYPEACHANDTHEOTHERIDIOTSILOSTTRACKOFTIMEANDTHEYEARSSINCEIWASBUSYWITHTHEMIMSOSOSOSOOOOSORRY”

…

“N/N…I Dont blame you..i dont know how those two could hate you but hey! i can keep a secret..<3”

wow…it is really Fred and he actually cares about me still.. “Thanks Fredders..i dont know what i would do without you..” i hugged him tightly. “Of course..”

Short chapter yayyaaaa

#bowser #bowser x reader #x fem!reader #super mario bros #super mario

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tillxthexearthxstartsxtoxcrumble · 2 years

Text

Stranger things season 4 thoughts during watching it:

BTW this involves me heavily cheering on some characters being killed. Specifically Brenner. And Jason

-Will made me cry so much with that moment right there

-Owens is iconic

-Eleven :((( my poor child

-Dude poor Nancy

-Gotta mention that Nancy didn't even see her dad when Vecna was trying to scare her

-mAX NO

-Eddie I love you so much

-Brenner, fuck you

-OWENS YOU ARE AWESOME

-If they kill Steve after telling us about what future he wants I'm gonna go feral

-Lumax is officially my OTP and I will die for them

-Im not gonna say who but... They're hot.

-Oh my God, Robin is adorable

-FUCK THAT HURTS, I'M SORRY ROBIN

-Kill Jason, Nancy. KILL HIM.

-Erica HIDE, PLEASE

-NANCY KILL HIM

-Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit

-Argyle my precious child

-ARGYLE OUT HERE SAVIN THE DAY

-If they kill Owens istg

-ELEVEN HIDE

-Eleven kill him already!!!!!!!!!!

-BRENNER DID THAT?!?!?!?!?!?

-KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM

-TELL HIM OFF, EL!!!

-fuck you Brenner.

-GO, EL!!!!!!!

-YES HE IS THE MONSTER, GO EL

-KILL HIM! DO IT!

-Dammit

-Eddie you cutie

-Eddie and Dustin together 😭😭😭

-EDDIE IS GONNA DIE PROTECTING DUSTIN AND HES GONNA TELL HIM NEVER TO CHANGE ISNT HE

-Erica my beloved

-if they kill Robin or Steve I'm gonna quit on this damn show

-DONT LET ROBIN DIE DONT LET ROBIN DIE

-No what the fuck

-DID HE SERIOUSLY OUT THE COLLAR ON HER

-KILL HIM DONT LET HIM TOUCH THE BUTTON

-NO, OWENS NO

-YES

-DIE BRENNER DIE

-YES YES YES YES YES JUST IN TIME TO SAVE HER

-GO EL GO!

-Oh damn

-Welp. They're dead.

-Dont say you love her right now, please. Please, it will hurt Will so much.

-WILL AND ELEVEN BEING SUCH CLOSE SIBLINGS I LOVE IT

-He just can't stay dead, can he?

-No fuck you Brenner

-Very glad she didn't say she understood. Let him die knowing what he did.

-Knowing this show they're gonna have him miraculously survive and be back next season

-Hopefully that's one of the five deaths.

-If we lose Max, Lucas, or Erica I resign from life

-Hopper on the verge of tears while talking about it.. imma cry

-Not them being so dissapointed about getting a call they need

-Why does Steve look so badass while doing that

-If Eddie or Dustin die I'm gonna lose my shit

-Argyle I love you more than anything

-Dude baby Steve falling down stairs and Nancy saying "that makes so much sense" istg 💀

-Am I crazy or is Steve super pretty right now?

-Steve that's sweet and all but the world is ending

-Nah Lucas and Max are too cute

-please say yes, max

-AWWWWW

-Okay but considering now that they wanna go on a date I'm starting to think Max doesn't survive. (OR Lucas doesn't. But more likely Max)

-Gotta agree with Mike here

-IF WILL COMES OUT TO JONATHAN OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT IM GONNA SOB RIGHT HERE AND NOW

-I will fucking cry

-Possibly unpopular opinion here but Jonathan is such a good character.

-IM CRYING

-Well I'm crying again cause of Max

-MAX WHY MUST YOU HURT ME SO

-Oh that better be Vecna

-okay that's definitely vecna

-I have my Elmax moment of the season. I'm not satisfied but I fear this is all I'll have.

-Oh I'm so ready to hear Eddie play

-NOT HIM SAYING ITS FOR CHRISSY OW

-GO EDDIE GO

-DONT TOUCH ERICA

-JASON DIE

-LEAVE HER ALONE

-LEAVE ERICA ALONE YOU ASSHOLES

-I love those two dumbasses

-DONT TELL ME ELEVEN IS GONNA FIND HER IN THERE

-MY ELMAX HEART CANT TAKE THIS

-THEY'RE HURTING ERICA NO

-Jason die JASON DIE

-I can't take it if anyone but Jason dies

-SHIT

-NOT ROBIN

-NO FUCK

-NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

-EDDIE RUN BITCH RUN

-NO

-EDDIE IF YOU DIE ISTG

-I can't do this

-NOT MAX NO

-LUCAS I LOVE YOU

-No

-WAIT YES GO ERICA

-GO LUCAS

-GO GO GO GO GO

-GO EL

-"Hi" your honor I love her

-EDDIE NO

-DUSTIN ILY BUT NO

-EDDIE EDDIE EDDIE EDDIE

-PLEASE NO

-DONT TOUCH LUCAS

-ELMAX FOR THE WIN

-ELEVEN I LOVE YOU

-Wrong time to simp WRONG TIME TO SIMP

-HES GONNA KILL MAX ISNT HE

-BACK OFF YOU SLIMY BASTARD

-WHY DO I AGREE WITH BOTH OF THEM

-Oh shit

-shit I gotta stop simping

-FUCK

-Well shit is Will meant to be the next villain or smthn?

-Well the theory was correct

-STOP HURTING LUCAS

-NO EDDIE

-HOPPER?!?!

-EDDIE

-ROBIN PLEASE

-NO HE DOESNT KILL LUCAS DOES HE?!

-I CANT DO THIS

-MAX

-DAMMIT

-Alright. IM CRYING

-SHIT

-I DONT SHIP THEM BUT THAT WAS CUTE

-GO LUCAS

-YES LUCAS

-MAX NO

-PLEASE I CANT DO THIS

-SAVE EDDIE SAVE EDDIE SAVE EDDIE

-Murray is gonna die isn't he?

-YES GO

-IM SOBBING

-NANCY LEARN FROM THANOS AND THOR, GO FOR THE THE HEAD

-WELL AT LEAST HOPPER DID IT

-Dammit he's not dead is he?

-IM NOT READY FOR EDDIE TO DIE

-FUCK

-THIS HURTS

-I CANT DO THIS

-MAX

-Well ... at least Jason's dead?

-MAX PLEASE LIVE

-Eleven and Max are officially the best relationship in this show. Platonic or not

-Is Vickie, like, secretly gay or something?

-OKAY I SHIP IT

-Steve being an amazing best friend

-No why why why why why

-EDDIE

-Dustin, we did. We loved him.

-IM CRYING AGAIN

-Will my poor baby

-HOPPER AND EL REUNION?

-THE REUNION

-Sobbing

-Shit

-Not to be that person at the moment where it's most important but Mike and Will staying together as El walks forward and they're in a pair just like the other two couples 👀

Well that was awesome

#stranger things spoilers #st spoilers #st 4 spoilers #tw death #long post #super long post

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