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reiding-writing · 5 months

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erotomania [ s.r ]

04 - confession

Summary:

The escalation of your situation was something you’d never expected to happen, and whilst it’s sure to leave you with mental scars, you’re grateful that you get a happy ending.

WARNINGS: hostage situation, mentions of guns, critical self-induced bodily harm, lots of emotions

pairing: spencer reid x gn!bau!reader

genre: ANGST, hurt/comfort, fluff

wc: 5.6k

main masterlist!!

a/n: and with that, erotomania comes to an end. a massive thank you to everyone who joined me through this series and for my irls for letting me rant to you about it all the time 😭 i hope you all enjoyed reading this series as much as i enjoyed writing it! <33

series masterlist!!

01-exhortations, 02-avoidance, 03-revelations, 04-confession

taglist (slashed blogs couldn’t be tagged):

@starzqzi @duhduck @liveitdoll @alovesongtheywrote @bumblebea-xo @wolfstar-17 @yoonglestime @summerknights @spencer-reid-obsessed @rebloggiest-reblogger @blackbeautyiloveyouso @quackie15 @holymusicalmothman @haileycannotcometothephonern @wittle-bunny420 @yeonalie @shadowsmusical @user9170557484 @takethetongue @flowersfromautumn @minhosdoormat @hpstuff244444 @idocarealot @busy-buzzing @ilikefictionalmen @bunbunblOgs @luvmgg

“The stalker isn’t Riley,” His voice sent an almost visible tremor up JJ’s back.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

JJ returned from the phone call with a small clearing of her throat, silently beckoning for you to join her in the next room over, a secret burning in her eyes.

“Is everything alright?” You tilt you head a little at her, Rachel’s hand still placed in your lap giving your leg a small squeeze, her expression feigning concern as she joined you in looking over at JJ.

“Is it Riley?” Rachel’s tone was reasonably believable, although JJ couldn’t help but notice how her expression didn’t quite reach her eyes, and equipped with her new knowledge it made her feel increasingly uneasy.

“Can you join me in the other room please?” JJ’s expression told you that whatever she had just learned over the phone was serious, and so you gave her an immediate nod as you began to push yourself up from the sofa, only to be caught by a hand on your wrist. “Wait, don't go; if this is about Riley, I want to know too."

JJ pursed her lips together, her fingers tightening around the phone in her hand as she consciously made sure to keep her voice calm and collected. “Miss Fontana, i’m afraid that what I have to say is confidential, I can’t tell you what it is.”

Rachel turned her head towards you instead, as if beckoning you to take her side over JJ’s. “I’m sorry Rachel, just give me a second alright? If it’s anything important about Riley i’ll let you know,”

Rachel, seemingly driven by an unexplainable force, grabbed your wrist tighter, your eyes locking in a moment of shared uncertainty. “No, don’t leave.”

"I understand your concern, Miss Fontana, but it's absolutely necessary for this to be a private conversation," JJ explained, her voice carrying a sense of urgency. "Trust me, it's for everyone's safety."

Rachel's grip on your wrist tightened further, her eyes searching yours for reassurance. "I don't want you to leave," she pleaded, her voice tinged with desperation.

You gently begin to peel Rachel's hand off your wrist. "I need to hear what JJ has to say," you whisper, trying to convey both your care and your concern.

“No.” Rachel’s voice is stern, leaving no room for argument. As her grip on your wrist tightened, panic started to rise within you. The intensity of her desperation was overwhelming, and you couldn't understand why she was so insistent on staying.

Conflicting emotions swirled inside you - care for Rachel and concern for her safety surrounding her brother, but also a deep curiosity about the conversation JJ had just had.

The room felt suffocating, the air heavy with tension. You glanced at JJ, who stood there with a somber expression, her eyes conveying a mix of concern and determination. Her expression told you that whatever the conversation she just had was had to do with Rachel directly, and with the amount of insistence Rachel had about not leaving your side you had a feeling Rachel already knew what it was.

"I'm sorry, Rachel," you finally mustered the courage to speak, your voice trembling slightly. "But I need to know what JJ has to say. If it's about Riley, it could be crucial information for all of us." Rachel's grip on your wrist tightened even further, her eyes searching yours desperately. "Please," she whispered, her voice filled with fear and vulnerability.

Your heart ached at Rachel's words, the depth of her emotions evident in her voice. But you also couldn't ignore the nagging feeling that something was terribly wrong. JJ wouldn't have insisted on a private conversation if it wasn't of utmost importance.

Gently, yet firmly, you tried to pry Rachel's fingers off your wrist, hoping to find a compromise. "Rachel, please understand. Whatever JJ has to say, it's for our safety. I promise I'll fill you in as soon as possible."

Pain shot through your wrist as Rachel again tightened her grip, and you winced. "Rachel, you're hurting me," you pleaded, your eyes imploring her to release her grip. Despite her desperation, her actions were pushing you away rather than pulling you closer.

JJ, sensing the escalating tension, stepped forward. "Rachel, please, it will only take a minute."

The room seemed to freeze in the moment, the weight of the unspoken truth hanging heavy in the air. Rachel's eyes flickered between you and JJ, her fear of losing you from your impending conversation imminent. “She’s going to take you away from me.”

“Rachel-” The realisation seems to click in your mind from her sentence, and for a second you stop struggling against Rachel’s grip, looking at JJ as if to ask for silent confirmation, to which she replies with an extremely subtle change in her eyebrows that tells you everything you needed to know. “Please let go.”

Rachel's eyes widened, a mix of shock and desperation colouring her features. "No, you can't trust her. She's trying to tear us apart," she declared, her voice cracking with emotion.

The room became a battleground of conflicting emotions, and JJ's gaze remained steady, unwavering. "Rachel, I understand this is difficult, but you need to let them go. We need to talk."

Tears welled up in Rachel's eyes as she clung tighter to your wrist, a mixture of fear and possessiveness. "You're mine, don't let her take you away," she pleaded, her voice now a desperate whisper.

The atmosphere grew even more charged, and JJ, realising the severity of the situation, took a step closer. "I won't take them away from you, Rachel. But we need to address what I just found out."

The room's tension reached a breaking point as Rachel, overwhelmed by her emotions, fumbled her free hand around in the pocket of her florist’s apron to find something to stop JJ from approaching any further.

The air thickened, and suddenly, pruners meant for gardening found themselves repurposed as an unexpected weapon, amplifying the ominous atmosphere as she held them threateningly not towards JJ, but towards you.

Rachel’s eyes, filled with a mix of fear and defiance, bore into JJ's as she held the metallic tip of the pruners against the side of your neck, tugging on your arm until you were rendered defenceless by your position. "You're not taking them away. I won't let you,"

She raised her voice, a sense of determination in her tone as she didn’t dare break eye contact with JJ.

“I’m not going to take them away from you Rachel, I just need you to calm down for me alright?” JJ stopped in her tracks, putting her hands up to show that she wasn’t a threat to Rachel in any way shape or form.

“You don’t understand! We’re in love!” Rachel’s hand tremors as she holds the pruners against your neck, the metal cold against your skin and the pressure almost unbearable.

“Rachel-” Your voice is quiet and passive as you try to gain her attention.

“You weren’t there, you don’t know anything!” Rachel continues to raise her voice until she’s practically shouting, working herself up with her own emotions. “You didn’t see how they looked at me when we talked for the first time…”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

There’s a soft ring of a bell as you push open the wooden door of the shop, clearly hung up by hand by someone with less than professional engineering skills if you consider its lopsidedness.

The rest of the shop has that same DIY feel, with mismatched shelves and coloured panes of glass in the windows that shrouded the shop’s interior with bright colours. You’d planned on checking out the Fontana Flower Shop as soon as you’d moved in, but given how long it took you to actually unpack, your visit had been delayed almost two whole months.

“Hello sweetheart, how can we help you today?” Your attention is pulled away from the kaleidoscope of colours by a sweet voice, and you turn slightly, matching it to the smiling face of a woman looking to be in her mid-fifties, a woman you assume is the owner of the shop, half-busy preparing an ornate bouquet.

“Hi, I just recently moved into the area so I just wanted to have a look around,” You give the woman a soft smile, stuffing your hands in your pockets to alleviate the mild social awkwardness flooding your subconscious.

“Ah of course, feel free to have a look around dear, if you need any help my daughter Rachel is just around the corner,” The lady gives you a soft smile as she gestures towards a back area of the shop.

“Thank you very much,” You return her smile with one of your own as you browse the shop.

The delicate scent of various flowers envelopes you as you wander through the charming chaos of the shop. Everything about it had that homemade feel that immediately made you feel secure.

You notice a arrangement of daisies and sunflowers on one shelf, next to an assortment of potted succulents in whimsical containers. The vibrant hues and unique pairings make the shop feel like a hidden gem.

As you explore, a young woman with a warm smile emerges from the back, although you can’t help but notice how it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

You internally punch yourself for subconsciously behaviourally analysing somebody you’ve never met, but you don’t really have time to dwell on it before she speaks.

"Hi there, I'm Rachel. Anything specific you're looking for, or just enjoying the floral wonders?" She asks, her enthusiasm infectious if not slightly forced.

"I'm just taking it all in for now. This place is fantastic.” You give Rachel a polite smile as you scan the back area of the shop, considering taking home an arrangement for yourself. “Do you have any recommendations for a flower that symbolises new beginnings?"

Rachel's eyes light up. "Absolutely! How about our white roses? They signify purity and new starts. Plus, they're simply stunning. I can put together a lovely arrangement for you if you'd like."

Intrigued, you agree, and Rachel skilfully weaves together a bouquet, adding delicate baby's breath and a touch of greenery.

As she hands you the bouquet and leads you to the main counter to pay, you find yourself again studying her expression. Her happiness seems real, but there’s something underneath that’s stopping it from truly genuine.

“All done! Thanks for choosing us for your flowers,” Rachel hands you the paper receipt, and you exchange it for one of the perfectly pruned white roses from your bouquet.

“What’s this for?” She hesitates to take the rose from you, but with a small prompting with your hand she does.

“I uh- work with the FBI, I didn’t mean to profile you but your eyes are telling me something has been bothering you,” You let out a small laugh of exasperation, feeling mildly stupid. “I mean you’re around flowers all day everyday so it’s probably stupid but you know, small acts of kindness and all that,”

You shrug your shoulders with a half awkward smile as you begin walking towards the exit of the shop, flowers in hand. “I hope you feel better soon.”

“Thank you…” Rachel’s expression grows increasingly thankful, and that small shadow of negativity seems to leave her eyes for a second, replaced by a small glimmer of something new.

Grateful for the welcoming atmosphere, you leave the shop with a newfound appreciation for the art of floristry and a symbol of new beginnings cradled in your arms, unaware of Rachel’s lingering gaze as she twirls the rose between her hands.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Come on!” Morgan hit his hands against the steering wheel, pressing the heel of his hand into the horn as if the noise was going to magically make all of the early evening traffic disappear.

Morgan had rushed out of the office as soon as Hotch had gotten off the phone with JJ saying Rachel was inside your house, leaving the rest of the team to catch up. He’d been too late to stop Spencer being injured. He was not about to be too late to save you from the same fate.

Morgan gritted his teeth, frustration mounting with every passing second. The traffic seemed to conspire against him, a gridlock of metal and concrete testing his patience. He glanced at the clock, each ticking second amplifying the urgency of the situation.

His mind raced through different routes, contemplating shortcuts and detours that might shave off precious minutes. Gripping the steering wheel tighter, Morgan made a split-second decision, swerving into a side street, determined to outsmart the congested main road.

The narrow lanes proved no less forgiving, but Morgan navigated them quickly nonetheless. He cursed under his breath, simultaneously praying that the team was already on the scene, managing the crisis until his arrival.

As the city lights blurred by, Morgan's focus remained unwavering. The tension in his shoulders eased slightly when he spotted the familiar silhouette of your house in the distance. His foot pressed harder on the gas pedal, determination overriding any lingering exhaustion.

He came to a screeching halt outside of your driveway, un-holstering his gun before he even got out of the SUV, not bothering to lock it behind him as he ran towards your front door.

He pushed it open with his left hand, his heart pounding with a mix of anxiety and adrenaline. He entered the house with his gun raised to his eyes as he traversed your hallway down towards the sound of JJ’s voice, desperately trying to diffuse the situation.

“Rachel, please put the pruners down, no one is trying to take them from you,” Morgan edged his head around the corner, watching as JJ attempted to approach Rachel with both hands raised in front of her. “Let’s all just calm down okay?”

Rachel's eyes were wild, and the pruners in her hands gleamed ominously under the overhead lighting as they pressed into the skin of your neck. Morgan's instincts kicked into high gear as he assessed the situation. He moved cautiously, maintaining a firm grip on his gun while attempting to keep the tone of his voice steady.

"Rachel," Morgan spoke with authority, his eyes locking onto hers. "Put the pruners down, and we can talk about what's going on. No one wants to hurt you."

JJ shot Morgan a quick glance, grateful for his arrival but also conveying the urgency of the situation. Rachel, caught between distress and anger, seemed momentarily frozen, the tension in the room palpable. “Don’t come any closer!”

Morgan's mind raced through strategies to de-escalate the situation. He took a step closer, trying to establish a connection. "Rachel, I know things might feel overwhelming right now, but we can figure this out together. Just let go of the pruners."

“Rachel, please…” You try to build off of Morgan’s approach. “Please don’t do this,”

The air in the room hung heavy with uncertainty as Morgan continued to inch closer, his eyes never leaving Rachel's. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, but his expression remained steadfast, projecting a blend of authority and empathy.

"I'm not here to hurt you, Rachel," Morgan's voice softened, a deliberate attempt to soothe the tension. "We want to help. Let's put those pruners down, and we can talk."

JJ, still cautiously positioned nearby, kept a watchful eye on both Morgan and Rachel. The seconds ticked by, each one intensifying the urgency of the situation. Rachel's breathing seemed erratic, caught in a struggle between the grip of fear and the turmoil within her. “You’re going to take them away-“

Morgan noticed a flicker of doubt in Rachel's eyes. It was a small crack in the facade of her distress. Capitalising on that vulnerability, he continued, shaking his head to invalidate what she was saying. "Put the pruners down."

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, Rachel's grip on the pruners began to loosen. The metallic blades lowered, creating a moment of collective relief. Morgan seized this opportunity, his approach deliberate but cautious.

"That's it," Morgan encouraged, maintaining a reassuring tone as he lowered his gun in tandem with her, holding out his left hand cautiously towards you. "Let’s just take a step back and calm down."

As Morgan closed the remaining distance, he took your hand, pulling you away from Rachel to stand behind him, where JJ soon joined you to check that you were okay.

“You’re not in love with me are you?” Rachel spoke to you as if Morgan and JJ didn’t exist, her eyes glistening with fresh tears.

You met Rachel's gaze, your voice calm but firm, although slightly betrayed by the shaking of your hand as your body came down from the adrenaline rush. "Rachel, this isn't about that. I care about you, and I want to make sure you're okay. Let's talk, and we can figure things out together."

“You’re not going to want to be with me after this-“ The tears began to flow down Rachel’s cheeks, gleaming softly under the overhead light.

“Rachel-“

“I should have known this was going to happen-“ Rachel takes a sharp breath in, a metallic rattling noise emerging from the pruners she was still loosely holding as her hands begin to tremor. “Why would you ever love me?”

“Rachel…”

“I was never worthy of you-“ She points the pruners at where you stand behind Morgan, and he shifts further in front of you to protect you in the case that she decides to throw them in your direction.

She doesn’t throw them at you.

It takes to long for Morgan to realise what’s going to happen before it’s already over, Rachel stumbling backwards over your coffee table with the pair of garden pruners lodged in her throat, leaving dark red stains on your carpet as her blood desperately tries to escape her body through the new hole that the pruners had created.

The only thing you can do at the sight is clasp your hand over your mouth, falling into an irregular heart rhythm as your body sends itself into fight or flight mode from the shock.

“Call an ambulance-“ Morgan rushes over to where Rachel is lying half over the coffee table, turning her over into the recovery position as JJ frantically phones for an ambulance.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The hospital hallway stretched before you as you walked towards Spencer's room, urged by JJ’s voice nagging in the back of your head over the last two days to give him some closure now the entire situation was over.

The sterile scent lingered in the air, a constant reminder of the events that unfolded with Rachel. As you approached, you noticed Riley sitting in the hallway, his eyes focused on the floor.

"Riley-" you acknowledged, a mix of apprehension and remorse in your voice.

Riley looked up, surprise evident on his face as he spoke your name.

“I am so sorry for what I put you through by assuming that you-“

“It’s alright,” Riley shakes his head softly and gives you as much of a smile as he can muster, cutting off the beginning of the inevitable ramble that you were going to go on.

"No, I accused you of stalking me, but it wasn’t you." you admitted, regret colouring your words. "I'm sorry for not realising sooner and for wrongly accusing you."

You continue through with your apology, intent on getting it out not only to make sure he knew that you were regretful, but also so you had one less thing plaguing your mind.

His expression softened, a mix of understanding and relief crossing his features. "I'm sorry I couldn't catch the signs and stop her before it escalated."

Riley paused for a second, his eyes glancing back down to the floor again. “We thought the therapy was working, I guess we were a little too optimistic…”

You both carried the weight of the situation, a shared acknowledgment of the complexities surrounding Rachel's actions. In that moment, the air between you seemed heavy with unspoken apologies and mutual understanding. “Is- Is she okay?”

"She’s going to be alright," Riley said, his voice genuine. "She had to have an emergency tracheotomy, but she’ll recover,"

“Why are you here?” Riley’s voice wasn’t at all accusatory, it was just confused. Why would you want to come to the hospital where Rachel is being treated after everything you’ve been through.

“Oh I uh- my- my friend, the one you helped me pick the flowers for-“ You awkwardly gesture with your hands as you try to explain why your here whilst at the same time figuring out how to refer to Spencer at all.

Was he your friend? Was he something else? After the way you left him a few days ago you weren’t entirely sure anymore.

“Did- Rachel, do that too?” Riley’s voice is slightly hesitant, and you can tell that he already knows the answer to his question, but you placate him with a small nod anyway, biting the inside of your cheek.

“Are you alright?”

Riley’s question catches you mildly off guard, and you can’t help but let out a small laugh of exasperation. “I’ll be fine-“

You give him a slightly pursed smile and a half-nod, trying to reassure him.

“I’m not talking about ‘will be’, i’m talking about right now, are you alright?”

Riley’s elaboration on his question stumps you, and you find yourself unable to give a response beyond an inaudible stutter.

Sensing the need for solace, Riley opened his arms towards you, and you found comfort in a heartfelt hug. It was a silent exchange of understanding, a bridge built over the tumultuous waters of recent events.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Your hand shakes as you pull open the door to Spencer’s hospital room, not entirely sure how this conversation was going to go.

"Hey Spencer…" Your voice is timid to the point where you’re not entirely sure he heard it, but the light that shines in his eyes as you step into the room is all you need to know that he’s fully aware of your presence.

Spencer speaks your name with all the softness he normally does, and it makes your heart ache.

You can’t help but think back to that moment two days ago when he opened up his heart to you and told you how he really felt about you. The moment where you turned him down and left him alone.

"How are you doing?"

Spencer asks in his normal voice, trying to sound casual. However, he can't hide the subtle note of hope in his voice.

There's a nervous tension in the air. You can tell that both of you are waiting for the other to say something.

“Morgan told me what happened, I’m glad you’re safe now,”

You don’t give him any answer short of a nod, your throat drying up as your subconscious stops you from speaking.

Spencer's trying so hard to play it cool, but you can feel the amount of emotion behind his eyes right now. The longer you stay silent, the more you can tell that Spencer's starting to get antsy.

“…are you avoiding me?”

Spencer speaks slowly, almost as if he's scared that you’ll leave him again if he were to speak out of turn.

”I've been giving you space to think about what I said. I know you do that. I know you need time to process things. So, here we are, almost three days later... and... nothing?"

You sigh softly, keeping your eyes focused on anywhere except for him.

"Please, just..." Spencer's voice trails off when he sees your face.

You can tell that Spencer isn't angry... he's anxious and afraid. His voice is full of worry.

"Say something. Anything."

Your eyes meet his for a moment, and it almost seems as though everything else in the world doesn't exist in this moment.

"Please..." Spencer's voice is quiet, desperate.

The moment your eyes make contact a tear rolls down your face, hot against the skin of your cheek.

"I missed you…"

The tears on your face seem to make him break. All the emotion he’s held back for the past few days comes pouring out of him.

“I missed you too,” Spencer says with a sniffle, “I’ve missed you so much..."

He gives you a small smile. His eyes look directly into yours, as if he’s trying to read your feelings.

"I’m so sorry-" It doesn’t take long for the dam of your emotions to break, and you begin relentlessly crying, covering the lower half of your face with your hand to muffle any sounds that might escape your mouth.

“No. No, don’t be sorry,” He gently takes your hand, holding it in both of his as he guides you to sit down on the edge of his hospital bed.

Spencer’s voice is gentle and calming, as if speaking to a child. “It’s okay to cry. There’s nothing to be sorry about... I’m right here.”

The look in Spencer’s eyes tells you everything he’s been wanting to say to you.

"I’ve hurt you so much…" The words blend together as their caught up in your stream of emotions, and you wipe the sleeve cuff of your free hand over your cheeks to attempt rid them of the streaks of tears. "…and I am so sorry-"

“Please don’t ever say that to me again.” His voice is soft and gentle that it makes you want to curl up into his arms and stay there for the rest of your life. “I promise you that you didn’t hurt me. Even when you left… I was never angry with you. I just- missed you….”

Spencer slowly takes your other hand in his, squeezing them both softly with his eyes never leaving you even for a moment.

"You’ve gone through so much because of me Spencer it’s not fair-”

“Hey, hey, stop that.” Spencer’s voice turns stern for a moment as he gently leans forward to look you in the eyes.

“I made a choice. Okay? Do you understand? I made a choice to be by your side. Nobody else made me do that, okay? Nobody.” Spencer takes a breath. The tone in his voice turns soft once more, though the sternness remains.

“So... don’t ever feel like you hurt me. Because I never felt that way. Ever."

"I just-" You let out a shaky breath through your lips, your eyes locked on where your hands are linked together "I’m sorry…"

"Hey, look at me." Spencer looks at you intently, willing you to look at him. “I would make the same choices all over again. Every. Single. Time.”

“Spence-“

"I need to tell you something."

There's a slight tinge of desperation in his voice as the words pour out of him, interrupting you once again.

"I love you. I love you so much that every moment we're apart, I swear I could die right then and there. Even hearing your name makes me... it makes me feel like I can do anything. Like I could conquer this world if I just had you by my side." Spencer's voice is almost pleading, like he can't bear the thought of you not being by his side.

"I... I just want to be with you, okay? That's all I want in the entire world. Please... I just..." Spencer pauses, taking in a deep breath to make up from the lack of air during his ramble.

Spencer's voice is more quiet when he speaks again, the intensity in his words coming in waves. "Please, just tell me how you really feel."

The desperation is still in his eyes. They seem to be searching every inch of you, almost as if he's afraid he's missing something. "I... I don't care what you say. I just need to know."

“I-“ Your body continues to tense, the words getting caught in your throat before they all seemingly spill out at once.

"I’m in love with you- i’m so in love with you that it hurts and i was so- scared that you were going to get hurt again and I didn’t want to have to live a life without you in it even if it meant just being able to see that you were okay and never be able to speak to you again-"

Spencer’s eyes fill with tears. The words that you just spoke hit him hard, and it’s almost as if he can’t believe that you finally said them out loud.

He pulls you into a tight hug, burying his face in your shoulder and ignoring the painful ache that shot its way up his side. “I love you so much.”

His shoulders tremble as his body shakes, and the tears that were in his eyes start leaking out.

He’s crying. Spencer Reid, the most intelligent and analytical man you’ve ever met, is sobbing like a child in your arms.

"I’m so sorry it took me so long…" Your voice cracks slightly as you tangle one of your hands in the mop of his hair, using the other to hold him against you in a firm embrace, although still consciously careful of his recovering injuries. "I just wanted you to be safe…"

Spencer sniffles as he pulls himself partly out of your embrace, placing his right hand on your cheek and rubbing his thumb under your left eye, wiping it of any tears. “I know…”

Almost as soon as the words leave his mouth, Spencer's lips are pressed against yours.

His body is trembling, and he seems to be holding on to you like you’ll disappear if he lets go. He's never felt anything like this, and he's so scared he might lose this moment.

The kiss is gentle and almost hesitant as the two of you adjust to it, slightly dampened by a mix of both of your tears.

But it was everything in that moment, and you gently bring up one of your hands to mirror Spencer’s as you place it on his cheek.

Spencer’s eyes are closed, but all of his senses seem to be heightened in this moment.

He can feel the texture of your fingers on his cheek and the tears that are running down your face. He can hear your breathing and taste the coffee on your lips.

Time seems to stand still as you kiss, and Spencer tries to soak up every second of this moment.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Spencer pulls away from the kiss with a gentle sigh.

He’s breathless, looking at you with pure love in his eyes. “I love you so much,” Spencer’s eyes are full of love, joy, and gratitude.

“I’ve been so stupid,” he says with a laugh, “I’ve loved you for so long... and I just never knew how to tell you. I should have told you years ago. I can’t believe I almost lost you forever without ever telling you…”

Spencer pulls you into a tight hug, his lips pressed against your neck. “I just... I love you. That’s it. I just love you.”

"I love you too Spencer Reid… more than you could ever try to comprehend.”

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #erotomania #mgg #criminal minds angst #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff

495 notes · View notes

ddejavvu · 1 year

Note

could you do a spencer x daughter reader comfort for grade stress? my grades are a lot lower than normal and i feel awful :(

you’re an amazing writer much love <3

'$20 and a completely unabridged gossip session about my love life if you can hack into my school's system and change my grades...'

'Baby genius!' Penelope scolds, in response to what you personally believe was a very fair and enticing offer, 'I can't! I don't do bad hacking anymore, I only do the good kind :)'

'It would be good for me to not have these grades.' You type back, smearing an exasperated hand over your face. You swear you nearly drag your skin right off, and you consider attempting to do so, maybe you wouldn't have to go to school anymore if you were just a skeleton-face.

'I'm sure you're freaking out over nothing, wonder baby,' Penelope responds, full of all of her usual optimism that sickens you now, 'You of all people don't need to be worrying about your grades.'

She's wrong. Now you do, now your grades have inexplicably taken a nosedive, dropping into uncharted territory. With a father that attended college at the ripe age of twelve, you feel severely disappointing. You're not following in his footsteps, you've lost the outline of his sneakers and you're traipsing through mud trying to locate them aagin.

You don't bother responding; you're not even sure what you'd say. You don't even consider the ramifications of her saying no to your scheme, being that the world's biggest gossip knows you're upset about your grades and she's not bound to confidentiality by any suspicious illegal activity.

Which means that when your dad gets home, he heads straight for your room.

"Hi, angel," Spencer leans down to hug you over the back of your desk chair, dropping a kiss to the crown of your head. It's the same kiss he's planted on you every day since you came into the world, "Penelope said you're having school trouble?"

Your stomach drops and you groan, "That snitch."

"Hey!' Spencer scoffs, "She's the one that always spoils your birthday presents 'cause you give her puppy eyes. You use her poor secret-keeping abilities to your benefit just as much as the rest of us."

"It's nothing," You're still glancing blankly at your homework, keeping your eyes away from your dad so that you don't have to see his face. You try to brush him off before he directly asks what your grades are, "I'm just having a bad week or something."

"A bad week doesn't impact your grades that much," Spencer hums suspiciously, "And your teacher doesn't even put in grades until the week after you submit assignments, so this week being bad wouldn't have changed your grade yet. What's really going on?"

"I don't know," You confess, and you're glad he understands it's the truth and not another half-hearted excuse. He catches the wavering in your voice and knows you're being honest with him, and he can practically feel the cartoonish crack running down his heart, splitting it in two.

"Alright," He soothes, setting a hand on your shoulder and squeezing at its tense muscles lightly, "We'll figure it out. I'll help you, okay?"

"I don't want your help," You lament, tears stinging painfully at your eyes, "You- you know everything, and I don't want to hear how many times you have to correct me. I don't want to see what I should be while being reminded that I'm not."

There's a long bout of silence where your dad's hand lingers on your shoulder, the only reminder that he's still there. It's like he's stopped breathing altogether, air caught in his throat as his brain tries coming up with a solution.

"I don't want you to be like me." He confesses, and the tears stay in place at the corners of your eyes, waiting for a cue to fall.

"I'm... It was hard growing up and being different. It's hard now being different. Morgan still scoffs whenever I talk too much, and we've been friends for years. JJ cuts me off every time I go on a tangent. People aren't nice to anyone who's different."

"But that doesn't matter," You whimper, hands flying to your face to push against your eyelids like you could squeeze your tears back inside, "You aced classes, you got into college super young, you got a high profile job, you're successful, and-"

"-and if I had to choose one thing about my life to carry over into the next, none of those would be it." Your dad cuts you off, moving to pry your hands away from your eyes. He smooths his thumbs over your eyelids, softening the sting from your aggressive touches.

"Y/N," He starts, honey-colored eyes dripping with love as he stares at you from his spot perched on your bed, "All the knowledge in the world doesn't make you happy. Knowing what chemicals are attributed to love doesn't mean you feel it. Knowing what poets have written about love doesn't mean you get to experience it for yourself. I don't want you to know everything," He explains, drying a tear with the cuff of his shirt sleeve, "I want you to be happy, to be loved. And you are smart," He promises, "-just because you don't understand the material you're getting, or you aren't doing your homework, or you're overloaded with assignments so that your grades drop doesn't mean you're not smart."

"Dad," Your face crumples, your eyes squeezing shut tight as tears drip from their corners. He guides you into his embrace with a hand on the back of your head and you let him control where your weight lands, slumping into his stomach pitifully.

He rubs down your back with his free hand, letting the one shelter your face against his button-up.

"I love you," He murmurs, and you can feel the vibrations of his voice through his chest. You press your ear into it, so your brain soaks up the words, "Even if you're having trouble memorizing the..." He peers down at your paper, "-amendments to the Constitution. Okay, well, you really should know those. We'll work on it, honey."

"Okay," You can't help the weak laugh that shakes your shoulders at his reaction, and he smiles sweetly down at you when you break away, not an ounce of judgement in his eyes that are twinkling with fondness instead.

"Now," He pats your back, straightening up from where he'd been slightly hunched over to rub soothing circles into the fabric of your shirt, "Let's talk about how you're encouraging Penelope to commit cyber crimes for you."

"Uh," You grimace, glancing back quickly at your revision sheet, "I plead the... fifth?"

"That's-" Spencer looks away, biting his lip to conceal his laugh, "That's good. That's bad, don't do that. But that's good. You know number five. That's a start."

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queer-n-here · 1 month

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Ango x Muscular Reader Headcannons

This for my bro 🦅 anon. I'm sorry, I accidentally deleted your original req, thank God I still remember what you asked for!

Also, *removes glasses and grimly rubs forehead* I felt kinda guilty since I wasn't able to do your recent Fyodor ask justice, so this is a compensation for that. Hope you like it.

Contents: Muscular Reader x Ango Akaguchi. Both SFW and NSFW Headcannons.

Warnings: Smut, Top male reader, Nipple play, virgin Ango, virginity loss.

SFW

I can see Ango getting slightly flustered when he first sees you.

You, a rookie ability user in the Special Division for Unusual Powers unit, greeting him formally, and the first thing Ango registers is your sheer size.

To begin with, you're 6'2", considerably taller than Ango himself at 5'8". (Yes, I looked up his height.)

Moreover, that's not all to your build. One glance at you and anyone would be able to tell you work out. Your arms are as thick as an average man's quads, to say the least. And your uniform is visibly straining against your chest; that thing is not going to last long.

But in the beginning Ango is only slightly impressed, glad to have someone who's physically strong on the team, just in case an incident like that of Tatsuhiko Shibusawa happens again. Draconia was frightening, and Ango is more than happy to have someone who would have a chance fighting against their own ability.

And then you two get partnered up for your first mission.

The only reason Ango gets put on it is because of his ability 'Decadence of Discourse'. The government needs him to unravel the location of an ability user mass bomber, who's recently escaped from prison.

It's not an easy one, and Ango feels obligated to guide you through it, but as you two unravel mystery after mystery, he slowly learns that you're not ignorant enough to be a total rookie.

So, after the mission is completed, he treats you to dinner. It's a simple gesture, but you notice the intention behind it all the same. And yet, you go.

He tries to get you drunk, but your alcohol tolerance is too much, and at the end of the day, you pretend to be wasted just to see what he'd do.

When Ango uses his ability on you, you let him, having nothing to hide. And he finds out more than enough to satisfy his curiosity.

You were in the Port Mafia before.

Despite knowing, he doesn't bring it up. You find it amusing, how he went so far to find out, and then withdrew silently.

Time passes, and Ango and you grow closer. He tries not to trust you, his job does not permit him to, yet you somehow wiggle your way into his heart, all big and strong.

Now, when you lean over him, or get too close in an elevator, he feels his face heat up, and tries his best to look away. He can't afford to have feelings, he tells himself.

And yet they're out of his control.

You notice, just how you notice everything else. Slightly amused, you tease him a little, standing a little too close when you talk to him, or leaning across him to reach things you could have grabbed either way, just feel his breath hitch.

But I mean, could you deny that you felt the same way, though? Not when Ango adjusts his glasses the way he does every time he gets flustered, a habit you notice that he wasn't aware of himself. How cute, you think.

So when you two do get into a relationship (after an adorable drunk confession from Ango and a whole morning of coaxing him to admit what he said last night) you feel quite decently accomplished in getting THE Ango Sakaguchi all red and stuttering just with a forehead kiss.

NSFW

The first time you two have sex, Ango is more than nervous, even though it's him who asked you if you wanted to do it.

So prep him gently, placing kisses along his jawline and down along his collarbone as he moans and clutches the sheets underneath him.

And when you finally put your fat cock in him, do give him time to adjust. Being a member of a confidential governmental department, dating opportunities don't come by everyday, so you'll excuse him for being a virgin, right?

Start gentle, your cock pumping in and out of Ango as he gets used to the feeling of your tip against his walls, moans spilling non-stop from his pretty mouth.

Kiss him quiet, your neighbours won't be happy at the amount of noise he's making. Or fuck him faster, each of his sounds driving you to please him more, more.

Slam into his sweet spot, and he'll arch his back off the bed, blunt nails digging into your back and drawing blood as a cry rips itself from his throat, eyes wide and tearing up.

Fuck him nice and good, till he forgets his own name, till the only thing his brain can process is your cock against his tight walls, abusing and bullying his sweet spot with such precision it makes him see stars.

Wipe away his tears before you continue to pound into him, and plant soft kisses on his face and chest. Suck on his nipples, kiss and bite them, and he'll come undone right then, hips bucking as cum shoots out of his untouched dick, hole clenching pathetically around you.

Let him come down from his high before you continue; it's only his first time, you can overstimulate him some other day, right?

When you start over, he will bury his face into the crook of your neck, muffling his moans and cries against your skin and just sobbing into your shoulder.

Fuck him till you come, bringing him to his second orgasm just with the feeling of your seed hitting his walls.

Pull out of him and kiss him softly, tell him he did good, and he'll smile dazedly, burying his face into your thick chest.

#dom male reader #top male reader #dom reader #bungou stray dogs #sub bsd #sub bsd x you #bsd x you #sub bungou stray dog x you #sub bungou stray dogs #sub character #sub character x you #sub ango #sub ango x you #muscular reader

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amphibious-thing · 28 days

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"It should be noted here that our heroine's mother and sister, certainly better informed than anyone, had suddenly corrected their language. Her sister, who had married the Chevalier O'Gorman, sent a letter to London, dated July 15, 1777, to "Monsieur le Chevalier d'Eon, former Minister Plenipotentiary of France, in London at M. Lautrem, Brenner Street, Golden Square", and she named the recipient "mon cher frère". After long confessions about certain household difficulties, Mme O'Gorman expressed the hope of soon seeing her brother again in Tonnerre, said that their mother had the same wish, and ended, speaking of this long-promised return, with these words a little enigmatic: "Warn us, be sure of the secret!" But, from the return to France of the chevalière and the public declaration of her female sex, the language of the mother and the sister changes absolutely. It is a daughter and a sister to whom these ladies address without hesitation, and it seems that for them no dispute is possible in this regard. Thus, on January 19, 1778, Mme d'Eon had Mme O'Gorman write for her, and signed a long letter addressed to "Mademoiselle la chevalière d'Eon", in which she constantly referred to her as "ma chère fille". Finally, the chevalier O'Gorman, who seems to have been very actively involved in the affairs and occupations of his sister-in-law, the chevalière, and to have maintained a very close correspondence with her, never calls her anything other than "ma chère sœur", even in the most confidential communications."

~ La Chevalière d'Éon a Versailles by Paul Fromageot published in Le Carnet Historique & Littéraire, 1 Jan 1901, (translated with google translate)

#chevalière d'eon

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rwrbficrecs · 6 months

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Here's our October recs ❤️ also, look at our new banner !! 🥰 Happy reading !! I’m just too soft for all of it by @bellamysgriffinprincess (book/movie-verse)

@dot524: This is a sweet one shot where Henry is struggling with depression, Alex drops everything to be with him, and they comfort each other. Very well done.

Confidential Memorandum by @sherryvalli (book-verse)

@wilmonsfolklore: this is such a sweet kidfic. Henry is Alex's boss, and Alex keeps getting calls from Henry's daughter when Henry is busy. It's heartwarming and comforting and the dialogue is wonderfully written, especially their love confessions.

@babiemonk: the perfect lighthearted kidfic! The child dynamic is perfect and the humor is spot-on. If you’re looking for a fun, feel good, story with some domestic fluffiness this is it.

@rmd-writes: a sweet, funny fic with excellent banter, and a stellar supporting cast of OCs. It quite literally made my face do this: 🥰 I saved it with the note "read when you need to feel better about the universe).

Aged Like a Fine Wine by @three-drink-amy (book-verse)

@babiemonk: Alex and Henry are older now and cakegate never happened. There’s lots of emotions and angst and growth and it’s really quite beautiful but also tragic at times. It hurt my heart and my feelings before putting them back together again.

In my dreams (In your dreams) by @lizzie-bennetdarcy (book-verse)

@babiemonk: very cute drunken love confessions— absolutely precious friends to lovers

all of our love filling all of our room by @kill8a (book-verse)

@inexplicablymine: this is so incredibly soft and childhood friends to lovers I have reread this more times than I’m willing to admit

Help Me Hold On To You by @affectionatelyrs (book-verse)

@read-and-write-: A one- shot, a very cathartic one about the aftermath of a fight between Alex and Henry. This is one to cry from beginning to end, it's beautifully written and you will be left speechless.

flatline by rizcriz (book-verse)

@wilmonsfolklore: exes to lovers is one of my favourite tropes and this work shows perfectly how naturally and fully Henry and Alex love each other. it's sad and heartbreaking but it has a happy ending that makes the crying all worth it.

What I Need Tonight by @sparklepocalypse (book-verse)

@zwiazdziarka: This fic was written for Kinktober's prompt "selfcest", which for some might be sound a little too weird, but that's exactly why I picked this one as my monthly fave. If you like reading smut, give this a chance. Yes, it's hot but also emotional and it has Oxford-time slutty Henry!

heartbeats under coats by @hypnostheory (book-verse)

@heybuddy-drabbles: one of my favorite works to come out of FirstPrince week. It's really sweet and sexy. There was only one bed at its finest.

All Booked Up by @three-drink-amy (book-verse)

@heybuddy-drabbles: another FirstPrince week gem. This was just so beautiful. Alex and Henry meet during a vacation, spend three perfect days together and then loose contact until June and Nora force Alex to read a book they both love and something about it makes Alex think of Henry. I absolutely fell in love with it.

@rmd-writes: it's no secret that I'm an allmylovesatonce fan and this is one of my ultimate favourites of hers. A very cleverly told love story, with some wonderful June and Nora content as a bonus!

praying our bridges don’t make waves by @anincompletelist (book-verse)

@rhubarb1210: This fic is such a cool take on soulmates. Henry agrees to pretend to be Alex’s soulmate to get June health insurance. Lots of universe building. And I can’t give away more! Inspired by Fractured by @clottedcreamfudge

everything's growing in our garden by matherine (book-verse with a few movie elements)

@indomitable-love: Absolutely loved this hanahaki fic – the pacing and tension are so good, the relevance of all the different flowers is just beautiful

It's Nice to Have a Friend by @mainstreamelectricalparade (book-verse)

@read-and-write-: Childhood Best Friends to lovers AU, where Henry, the prince of england meets another boy during a holiday, they send each other letters and they fall in love, it's soft and it's beautiful, a love that tascends the page and is reflected on all the characters actions.

I feel the beating of your heart, I see the shadows on your face by @anincompletelist (book-verse)

@daisymae-12: This fic has such an interesting premise, and although I’ve never been into the bodyswap trope I’m so glad I gave this one a chance. It was done so incredibly well and was such a fun, wholesome fic.

Henry Fox, All-American Hero by @tintagel-or-cockleshells (book-verse)

@daisymae-12: This is a fic inspired by Meg Cabot’s All American Girl (which I am a huge fan of) and everything about this fic had me screaming in delight. Loved this so much, I’m obsessed.

maybe take me into your room by @smc-27 (book-verse)

@thesleepyskipper: Alex and Henry are both the children of ambassadors to Canada from their respective countries in this lovely AU. Friends-to-lovers perfection, this was so, so good.

a degree of fate by @softlofty (book/movie-verse)

@dot524: In this AU, Alex and Henry meet as university students. This is a sweet get-together fic with depth and heart.

It's Tradition by @f-ing-ruthless-baz (book-verse)

@zwiazdziarka: Alex and Henry's soulmate bond revealed itself publicly and now they have to act like they're in love, even though they hate each other. This fic is such an excellent use of soulmate trope and looks into so many possiblities in a world were soulmate bonds exsist. It's also super funny, a little angsty and Alex is even more oblivious than usually.

I’d be smart to walk away (but you’re quicksand) by @littlemisskittentoes (book/movie-verse)

@dot524: Such a wonderful, heartfelt 5+1 based on canon events when Henry walked away and one where he stayed.

Catalyst of Change by @uglygreenjacket (book-verse)

@myheartalivewrites: an AU that’s pretty close to canon in some ways: Alex (still a well known child of politicians) and Henry (still a prince) meet as students in Edinburgh. This story is sweet and gentle and heart wrenching at points, but also incredibly uplifting in Henry and Alex’s determination to be together no matter the obstacles. And the Scottish setting is gorgeous and really evocative.

Ghosted by @tintagel-or-cockleshells (book-verse)

@suseagull04: Twists and turns abound in this story that borders the line between life and death. I love the depth of the plot and just how deeply and quickly Alex and Henry fall for each other- and the fantasy aspect immediately put this high on my list of faves! Not to mention all the great references to my favorite things throughout the fic. This fic is amazing!

Such a Burden, This Flame on My Chest by @three-drink-amy (book-verse)

@heybuddy-drabbles: a 911 Lone Star!AU very angsty but with a happy ending. Alex going through grief felt really fucking relatable. It's also spicy in contrast with the angst.

But I love him, whether or no. by @leaves-of-laurelin (book-verse)

@dot524: This firefighter AU is one of my favorite RWRB fics ever, and I’m glad I was able to follow it from WIP status to complete this month. Alex as a firefighter is irresistible (Henry thinks so too) and somehow these two feel so true to character even in a completely different context. There are so many fun scenes here - riding a bull, an airport scene, shenanigans at a fire station, sentimental piano playing - but none of them are forced. Truly a wonderful fic that I know I’ll be returning to again and again.

@wilmonsfolklore: seconding this one so so so much!! read it in one sitting and have been thinking about it ever since then. there are so many heartfelt and sweet conversations in it. everyone's so true to their character in such a different situation. can not recommend it enough

#monthly faves #rwrb fic recs #firstprince #firstprince fic recs #red white and royal blue

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