#cuz goddamn I am terrible at it

[essektheylyss]

I will be honest, every time I'm reminded that people in grad school take notes on lectures and readings I have to stop and buffer for a moment to process it. Not because I think that they shouldn't, to be clear, like that is absolutely the responsible approach, I am just so fundamentally incapable of taking notes that I forget it's a thing that the majority of people do.

#literally I do not take notes on anything my brain absolutely will not. #not meetings not lectures not readings not dnd sessions #'how do you remember anything?' i just do. except when I don't. #this is actually a MAJOR inhibitor for me with worldbuilding actually. like I desperately need to get better at jotting things down #cuz goddamn I am terrible at it #in fairness I also remember things much better if I just hold onto them cuz writing them down is a kind of thought exorcism for me so #that probably also factors

[synthetic-sonata]

it is so fucking hard to rp when you have anxiety this shit sucks

#aria talkz #now i have to actually go out to find places to rp in but fitting in or integrating into groups of people makes me very anxious #so. #its also very hard for me to initiate things which is sort of essential for rp #and theres not many rp servers that do it how im used to ( simple straightforward groupchat rp with not many rules othr than dont be a dick #cuz everythings so formal. If you ask me to fill out a form i am killing myself. Slash j #its just so much more fun to just Jump into it. With gc rp specifically anyways i understand forms for like idk... more in depth servers #i just wanna rp pink and magna and . mocha. and. everyone. and get them new relationships #bc they fucking deserve them after all the bullshit theyve been thru #esp mocha oh mein gott hes only ever sexualized or infantilized or people just Dont care. #ponytown was my main hub for finding friends and rp otherwise but the rp scene there kinda started sucking ass ever since 2021. so. #its all goddamned strip clubs and shitty lab rps that dont even get to the good part and school rps are never good or serious #i need good rpers not ppl looking to shitpost hehe funny!!! you arent funny!!!!!! your humor is terrible!!!!!! log off!!! #sorry i have many emotions ab pt rp.

[pathetichimbos]

I wanna eat Thomas up like he my LAST MEAL 😫😫

Shawtyyy like I’m beating up his guts like I die TOMORROW!! 💖💖

Honestly if I saw him with my (dumbass) group of friends I would turn to them and be like “hol’ on i’ma try to wife up this super model ova here, go on without me cuz this town is my new home as long as he here.” While LOUDLY pointing to Thomas and trying to be suave AF but lookin dumb in the process. Lowkey though I feel like realistically he would think I’m making fun of him and kill me first 😭😭.

What’s your take on it?? How would our (hot-sexy-mouthwatering) Thomas Hewitt take a very bold flirtatious reader?? Thanks and bye!! ✌️💖💖

I am having thoughts and feelings about this thank you very much

So, we all know Thomas is a very shy and reserved man. He isn't bold or confident by any means. He does as he's told, and sticks to himself, pretty much never leaving his comfort zone.

But, Luda Mae's getting older, and despite her head-strong and strong-willed demeanor, Thomas worries about her.

So, he starts spending more time at the old country store, if for no reason other than to serve as a deterrent for the off-handed biker or degenerate looking for an excuse to try and rob a poor old station clerk.

It works, and Luda Mae enjoys spending more time with her son.

There's not much to do out at the shop, and so more often than not Thomas finds himself resting out in the old rocker to escape the hot smoky air wafting from the patron's and his mother's cigarettes.

It's a cool October afternoon, a nice breeze keeping the hot sun at bay as he gently pushes himself back and forth with his foot, eyes closed as he rests.

He hears you before he sees you, the loud, excited yells of a group of young women fading in from the distance as a jeep kicks up dirt, pulling up to one of the old, rusty pumps.

He squints his eyes open, watching as the four of you sing along to the radio, no one concerned with how off-key y'all may be.

He sighs, closing his eyes again, not moving from his seat in the old rocker as your group continues having the time of your lives.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," A clear voice suddenly emerges from the chaos, the music lowering to a quiet hum, "Who is that?"

He opens his eyes again, seeing that you have set your eyes on him from your place in the backseat, sunglasses lowered to take in a better look.

He frowns behind his mask, face scrunching in expectancy, waiting to hear the barrage of rude comments and hideous bullying.

The rest of your friends glance over his way as he shuffles in his seat, shoulders tensing as he looks away, uncomfortable with the attention.

"Goddamn." You start again, letting out a low whistle, "If this is what this town has to offer y'all can just leave me here."

A large eruption of playful teasing, groans, and eye rolls come from your friend group as you wiggle your eyebrows at him with a large, flirtatious grin.

He looks back, caught off guard by the terrible pick up line, frozen in place as you blow him a kiss.

"Are you for sale, pumpkin, 'cause I could just eat you up!"

"Oh, my god, leave the poor man alone." One of your friends tease you, grabbing your shoulders and pulling you further into the car.

He can't help but stare, left in shock by the sudden and unexpected flirting.

You couldn't be serious, right...?

There's no way you could actually be flirting with him right now... Right?

His thought process is broken as you ungracefully climb out of the truck, pulling yourself over the door and almost busting your face in the process.

Brown eyes stay glued to you as you walk over to him, hips swaying in what he was sure to be a much more suave and appealing way than the dorky saunter you were pulling now.

...This was definitely a joke.

"Hey." You barely stifle through your amused giggling to speak, "Do you have a name or can I just call you mine?"

"Y/N!" Your friends groan loudly from the car, watching you attempt to work your magic.

He looks you up and down, trying to figure out if this was some strange attempt to mock him or if you were actually coming onto him, the latter making his face flush pink at the idea.

"Thomas!" His mother steps out of the shop, poking her head out to look at the two of you, "Come help me put this stuff up."

He isn't sure if she really needs help or if it's a feeble attempt to get him out of the situation, and to be completely honest, he's not really sure he wants to leave.

But his mother says she needs help, so he stands from his chair, rising to his full height, something that would cause most people to take at least a small step back, but your smile only seems to grow as you stand in place, clearly checking him out as you look him up and down.

He starts to ignore you, heading back inside, only to hear the wooden floorboards creak behind him as he reaches the counter.

He looks back, a confused look on his face as he sees you following behind like a lost duckling.

"Don't mind me," You wink, "My mama just always told me to follow my dreams."

He huffs in amusement at that, shaking his head.

Maybe your pickup lines weren't all that bad.

...

As time goes on, and the more he gets to know you, the more he's going to find your flirtatious advances amusing and endearing, but if you don't make it very clear from the beginning that there's actual feelings behind your remarks, he's going to assume that they're just jokes and you're not actually into him.

He's a big romantic, he'll catch feelings rather easily the more you flirt and tease him, and if he isn't 100% sure that they're more than just jokes, he'll eventually grow to resent them because he feels like he's being teased, even if you have no idea he has feelings for you at all, so communication (while a big deal in every relationship) will be especially important if you're a flirtatious person.

#is this cat calling? #maybe #but thats okay #thomas hewitt #thomas hewitt x reader #thomas hewitt x you #thomas hewitt x y/n #thomas hewitt x s/o #slashers #slasher fandom #slasher x reader #slasher x you #slasher x y/n #slasher x s/o

[midnight-pluto]

COFFEE: special.02 — fun facts

COFFEE: tim drake x gn!reader

SYNOPSIS: Tim meets a barista that gives him what he needed most — a large coffee with way to many shots of espresso. Though what happens when just a single action changes the other's life, forever?

coffee master list

assuming you have gone through the whole of my coffee smau — here’s some things that you might’ve not known, my headcanons, and external info

PLAYLIST: coffee — i made a playlist that i think fit this smau or just tim in general, so feel free to listen

coffee pg.00 was originally meant to just be a one-shot but I had the bright idea to turn it into a smau since I had been really interested in them at the time and I had already created the main casts profiles so i saw no reason to not go through with it

originally reader was supposed to be adopted and have 2 moms but I didn’t know if you guys would necessarily want that or how relatable that would be so I scrapped it and went with unnamed overbearing mother and father

i actually had this idea back in December of 2022 and meant to post it on wattpad yes ik laugh at me but i didn’t have the guts to do so and I already had a lot of unfinished work that will remain unfinished

this smau also sprouted up bcuz i had gotten back into the dc rabbit hole bcuz if this goddamn site which has now grown to be a huge source of dopamine for me — ik it prob isn't healthy but this site has grown to be a safe space for me in the process so any negative infringement on my blog has me in a nervous wreck for days on end; yes, this is a reference to when i got shadowbanned for a bit

wow i got way to personal there, whoopsie

I had also originally planned for reader to give Tim a sticky note attached to his coffee that said something along the lines of: “Good luck with whatever you need 8 shots of espresso for :)” but I for some reason didn’t so the special note at the end of the pages didn’t rlly make any sense

tim might be a genius but he has a terrible sense of direction which is multiplied tenfold when he’s sleep deprived, hence why he almost dropped you off at the wrong apartment once — pg.04

duke being readers bsf happened cuz i personally believe duke deserves more content about him

duke also always somehow manages to be the message bird whenever both you and tim have a fight given how tim's first resort is the silent treatment and you're petty enough to give it back so the most the two of you ever communicate during that time is through duke — pg.15

on that same note harley has become your couple counselor which always manages to become awkward due to the sole fact tim is trying his best to subtly glare at harley since she has repeatedly tried to break his kneecaps when he was on red robin duty; again, petty

this was written by a person who has never worked at a coffee shop before so if you see and inaccuracies and have worked at one, feel free to call me out on it — not so i can fix, but bcuz i find my mistakes hilarious dont ask why, i just do

i still struggle on how i format the titles of the pages and always have to look back on my previous posts to remember how i typed things out

i also suck at developing feelings and crushes with characters so if it seems rushed or sucks that will be my one and only excuse given the fact that i find it extremely hard to even gain a crush irl

nothing was proofread

tims favorite taylor swift album is evermore i may or may not make seperate headcanons about that later

planning on posting a wattpad version of this fic sometime around late january or february, i am still debating on starting an ao3 acc since the only thing i ever do on there is simply just read fics and im not sure if i like/understand ao3's format enough to start tho

TAGLIST: @grandstrangerphantom @marsbars09 @fabitheraven @lovelypitasworld @dyjcksn @mae77eris @sugarrush-blush @djchik @soundsfunbutno @apizzacalledmel @strangetrashblog @cipheress-to-k-pop @harleycao @unhingedtimdrake @a-homosexual-homosapien @aquarii-doodles @love-stay @criminallycan @hecate-frenchfries @job-ross-the-second

#coffee ☕️ - tim drake #tim drake x reader #tim drake x gender neutral reader #coffee shop au #tim drake x y/n #tim drake x you #batfam x you #batfam x y/n #batfamily x reader #batfam x reader #batfam #batfamily #tim drake

[sleep-can-wait]

My Explanation (SUPER IMPORTANT EVERYONE PLEASE READ UNTIL THE END)

So lately life has been shit.

I honestly thought it'd get better so I didn't really say much but it hasn't so yeah. I have boards coming up (common knowledge at this point) and it's so stressful everyday I feel like crying. The teachers scream at you to get out of their classroom if you so much as turn your head to look at the person back of you because I guess they're stressed too over boards.

The amount of homework I have is piling so high it could touch a cloud eveyday I have to complete, what, 5 past papers that each take 1 hour minimum long? There's so much to do and impossible headlines and all the teachers are acting so terrible and strict and every single fucking day I dread entering a classroom.

If I don't do the homework on time a disappointment I'm not taking anything seriously I'm a failure I have 10 papers each 40 questions long to complete in 2 days I can't do it that fast.

To make it worse I barely am at home cuz I'm running around to get my eyes checked, fix my glasses, do the groceries, and other random shit I have no time for.

I stay up to 2 am every night trying to complete everything and my body has taken a toll and I'm starting to get really sick plus my periods have started and the week before I had awful pre- period cramps and my stomach feels like its getting stabbed over and over again every minute of every day.

I'm scared I'm terrified I'm so so so stressed it's all getting to ridiculously large and I shake every time I'm about to enter a classroom because goddamn have the teachers's blood pressure skyrocketed.

That's why I no longer read Aru Shah fanfic or am no longer active on wattpad. That's why I keep disappearing for long periods of time with no explanation and don't have the time to catch up on everything I missed once I come back. That's why I'm so isolated from everyone and no longer deserve the title Archivist.

It's up to you guys to feel whether I should keep the title of Archivist in this fandom or not. Whatever your decision is, I'll accept it and I do understand completely why. I'll just revert back to my og nickname as Sleep because honestly, I need that shit right now.

No, this isn't goodbye, it's just why I'm so unactive and maybe why I'll be a little less online from here. It's why I don't really participate in the discussions this fandom has anymore, and trust me when I say it shatters my heart to be so alone and far away in this fandom. It's hella lonely and sometimes I feel like I should just quit and leave because being left out is my greatest fear. But I won't. At least not yet.

Thank you for reading.

-Your Local Archivist (probably won't be that for much longer though)

#sleep-can-wait #aru shah #aru shah fandom #shitpost #i am really sorry guys

[chemiicalbride]

Hii! I loved your ben headcanon one and I was wondering if you could do a toby headcanons one 😊

instantly answering because i am sooo weird about toby

in my au toby is the one who gathered all the creeps together ^-^

headcanons below the cut

- toby has a stutter. not tic related or anything, he actually doesn’t have a whole lot of vocal tics, but just stutters anyways. his head moves too fast for his mouth and he has to restart his sentences a lot

- he DOES have vocal tics just not a lot. usually just swears (mostly fuck, shit, and goddamn). however there are days these are worse and during this time, jeff will say the most HEINOUS SHIT so toby will repeat it

- i just think he’d be really into transformers LOL his fav is the 1986 movie

- he has terrible posture and short fingernails cuz he bites them. nina paints them to try to get him to stop

- he’s like 5’8ish and gets called short all the time by jeff. it drives him crazy

- yeah he basically does not get along with jeff very well

- since he works under slenderman his mental illnesses aren’t treated. some days he’s completely fine the next he’s a walking time bomb

- he pierced all his piercings himself. since he can’t feel pain he just puts it wherever. lots of them get infected and he’s had to repierce his eyebrow a few times cuz it kept rejecting

- he used to date nat but she broke it off cuz she saw them more as friends. he’s still kinda heartbroken about it

- but he’s for sure closest with nat. she’s the only creep he knew prior to moving to berlin

- like i said in my ben post, he’s super jumpy just naturally. he’s just always a little on edge

- he comes off as pretty quiet, but he’s actually super hyperactive and his thoughts are always racing

- nina loves to invite him to sleepovers. after a slenderman episode, he’s usually a little shaken, so he spends some times with her or nat. sometimes both

- also since he can’t feel pain he hurts himself a lot on accident. he is like always on ej’s radar because of this and then two have developed a bit of a friendship over it

- doesn’t like to draw a lot of attention to himself, so he makes his tics a lot, especially in front of the other creeps. he doesn’t want them to think of him as incompetent because of them

#he’s just so #creepypasta #creepypasta fandom #ticci toby #toby rogers #creepypasta headcanon

[punsmaster69]

10/NOV/20XX

"Sans."

"Sans."

"SANS."

"SANS, STOP THROWING ME, GODDAMN IT!!"

"We're not getting ANYWHERE like this!"

"you look like you need a hand."

"I don't!"

"I REALLY don't!!"

"....."

"alphys, stop grabbing me."

"It's only fair."

"c'mon. we're not getting 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 like this."

"Oh, shut UP!!"

i'm at undyne and alphys' place, playing co-op games.

(i'm really helpful, as you can tell.)

papyrus was playing with us, but he apparently made plans with flowey.

sorry, 'flowery'.

that's what paps calls him.

must be a nickname of sorts,

'cuz when paps is real serious, he'll say 'flowey'.

..which is to say, almost never.

that weed's got a big soft spot for papyrus.

and tori.

and despite the squabbles, i think he really cares about frisk, too.

——

"Undyne..."

"Let me-"

"I'm gonna make this jump by myself if it's the last thing I do!!"

"Y-you're losing all your lives.."

"I'm GONNA make it!"

she did not.

i'm already out myself, after undyne got pissed and threw me into a pit a few times.

now it's just alphys vs. the clock.

"GO, Alphy, GO!!"

——

"YEAAAAHHH!!!!"

i whispered, "(epic dub.)"

alphys slowly turned to me with a look of disgust.

"(You are... so cringe.)"

"(you're just jealous of my hip-ness. i'm totally epic.)"

"(Stop??)"

——

"Yo, Sans."

"Wanna have one with us before you leave?"

undyne shook a cup noodle.

"sure."

been a while since i had ramen for dinner, since paps usually cooks. stopped having them as often because they're not really substantial enough for me anymore.

oh, to go back to being a teen who could live off noodles forever.

——

sometime while we were eating, it really started coming down.

"When'd it start raining THIS hard?"

"You might have to stay here until it clears, Sans."

"if i pull my hood up i'll be fine getting home."

"Dude, no way we're letting you go out like that."

alphys squinted out the window.

"It's getting dark, too. You're not gonna be able to see a thing!"

they've got a point, but paps is gonna be worried.

——

"STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!!"

"ok"

"i am"

"did you get home before the rain?"

"NO, I'M AT MS. TORIEL'S."

"ANY IDEA WHEN IT'LL CLEAR?"

"looks like it might be all night."

"SO IT'S AN IMPROMPTU SLEEPOVER, NOW?"

"guess so"

"DO THEY HAVE SPARE BLANKETS AND WHATNOT FOR YOU TO USE?"

"lemme ask"

"ok"

"one pillow"

"but no sheets"

"THAT'S.. NOT GREAT."

"eh"

"good enough"

"how's it for you at tori's?"

"MS. TORIEL IS DEFINITELY ALWAYS PREPARED."

"HER COUCH IS QUITE COMFORTABLE!"

"BY THE"

"huh"

"SORRY. I HIT SEND TOO EARLY."

"I MEANT:

BY THE WAY, DID YOU EAT ALREADY?"

"cup noodles"

he took a long time to respond.

"HM."

"what"

"IS THAT REALLY NUTRITIONAL ENOUGH?"

"survived off the stuff before"

"AND YOU WERE ALWAYS TERRIBLY SHAKY, BEFORE."

"if that was all i'd eaten"

"....IS THAT ALL YOU'VE EATEN?"

"the cereal and coffee this morning"

"UGH."

"I AGREED TO CEREAL ON THE CONDITION THAT YOU HAD SOMETHING MORE SUBSTANTIAL LATER."

"corn flakes are substantial"

"NOT*"

"i'll lie"

"lice"

"libe"

"live"

"jeez"

"sorry"

"WHAT HAPPENED THERE??"

"fuzzy vision+hands stuff"

"WHAT."

"maybe i stared too hard at the screen or somethin"

"AND THE HANDS??"

"dunno"

"OKAY."

"THAT'S."

"I WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOUR POOR DIETARY CHOICES TODAY, THEN."

"I SEE YOU TYPING AND IF IT'S AT ALL REMINISCENT OF A 'IT'S FINE' I WANT YOU TO STOP."

"...REALLY?"

"OKAY. OKAY."

"SO YOU'RE:"

"RUNNING ON CAFFEINE, SUGAR, AND CARBS."

"SLEEPING WITH NO BLANKETS DURING A COLD RAINSTORM."

"SUFFERING VARIOUS HEALTH COMPLICATIONS."

"AND I'M... THERE FOR NONE OF IT."

"DON'T EVEN SAY IT."

"ok"

"bro?"

"you still there?"

"..HOLD ON. GIVE ME A MINUTE."

"what's going on?"

"....paps???"

——

oh my god.

really papyrus, what the hell?

now you're worrying 𝘮𝘦.

he marched through that storm out there just to bring me home?

"Not even an umbrella..?"

"I.. DIDN'T THINK ABOUT IT."

"HOLD ON, LET ME GO OUT AND GET A BIG ONE SO SANS-"

"Like hell you are!!"

"I HAVE TO TAKE SANS HOME!"

"you're soaked, paps..."

"A LITTLE RAIN CAN'T STOP THE GREAT PAPYRUS!"

——

the weather eventually let up enough for us to borrow umbrellas and walk home.

i'm still worried about him, though. he sat in those cold, soaked clothes for a while.

says he feels fine...

but he's been trembling a little since he came in.

"ONCE I WARM UP MORE, I'LL BE A-OKAY!"

——

"ISN'T IT TOO LATE FOR YOU TO BE WRITING ANY MORE? ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE NOT FEELING GREAT!"

"paps, you are-"

"PLEASE GO TO BED. STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME!"

"i'm only going if you do."

"..ALRIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH. I'LL GO AS WELL."

"goodnight, bro."

"GOODNIGHT, SANS!!"

"throw on a couple more blankets tonight, ok? maybe put on a sweater."

"I DON'T NEED-"

he shivered.

"......."

"WILL DO."

#journal #undertale #sans #papyrus #undyne #alphys #sans and papyrus #sans and alphys #papyrus and sans #skelebros

[incarnateirony]

It's kind of a sad statement of the LGBTQ community's fakeness and digital structure online when the only person I've been able to openly talk out my trans bullshit with is my het dude military buddy, and trust me, what I rage about would get me hung online by people with agendas, but I have a feeling they're things other old queer people sit on while we stare at this digital shithole making us all look like clowns.

On the other hand, it's particularly affirming when the same issues I deal with are things that set him off on Manrants.

Like listen, I already had to accept the terrible string of "i am a straight man" in order. Like man, do you know how long i clung to he/him lesbian and just avoided talking about what I can only call Phallic Issues?

Cuz there's not even anywhere to talk about it. For one it's difficult and often inappropriate and for two, a bunch of digital goblins that aren't looking to Pass As A Life They Live, but rather Stick Out In Digital Arguments With A Rainbow Label have made this fucking conversation ungoddamn navigable to the people it was actually originally about. There's some bored person with 2.5 kids who's husband still hasn't found their clit trying to figure out their sexuality coming in fucking up literal like neuroscience and other dialogue because, how dare the *straight man be here at all, much less like, talk about sexual shit. People can't do that, that's illegal.

So where am I left going? Literally to my dudebros, that say all kinds of shit I generally don't even agree with politically, but they're the only motherfuckers who haven't set up so many fake social justice fences based on their own personal garbage comfort demands so I can literally go, no. Can you believe these dipshits want me to explain like they're five what happens inside a man's head?

And they be like nah man that's a trap the second you breathe a word about it you're cancelled.

Yeah, no shit.

Honestly I'm tired of so many things. I mentioned recently that coming out as a trans straight guy is a trap. You're man enough to be the token straight punching bag, but not enough for your perspective to be considered in conversations, without being grilled to justify Basic Truths until you have to say some shit someone can act offended about. And boy are the terfs pissed and happy to blow them dogwhistles on us

God i'm tired

it's not the gamerdudes on reddit driving up the trans suicide rate. it's you assholes. They genuinely Do Not Care if you identify as attack helicopters. They don't. They don't care I'm a dude. They were basically like yeah what about it you've always been dudegirl that's whatever dude. It's this digital shithole that turns it into a whole goddamn ceremony fused with astrophysics.

I'd rather hang out with dudes I've known for 20 years that occasionally fuck up a pronoun by force of habit and actually laugh at how it looks/sounds now, than deal with you assholes acting like i skinned your child because I didn't read a 3 page Carrd about your narcissism or people who decide every convo is a chance to proselytize their own personal label's struggle.

And that says nothing about the fact that people have set up this conversation so we can't even address that YES, THERE ARE FAKERS. Are trans people dangerous, no. Are narcissists that can play boggle with gender arguments dangerous? Yes.

Think about 2po. I still call him him, because his friends, like his pal snotrag that doxxed my friend with him, even still calls him pat. But see, when he went viral as a proven fail and everybody was talking about pat, suddenly, pat had a gender discovery and was they/them will. Nevermind the more masculine name and that the person was initially a cis man, I guess they had a deep come to jesus moment and deeply identified as the Fail Gender. I guess that script blast was so hard it knocked the he/him right off of them. Considering the pepe memes his buddy uses, I wouldn't be surprised if 2po logs onto his personal to psot attack helicopter jokes and laugh at this godforsaken shithole.

(That's not to say all they/them nb is invalid either before some titanic dickhead proves the real point of this whole post and the need to add constant asterisks to avoid some shitheaded bored kid seeking attention starting a fight)

People only make the bad, dead, beat out joke at our expense because of the people that make us look like fucking comedy with their weird bullshit. Stop it.

But sure keep hyper obsessively segregating us into microlabels and pretending it's helping trans people or breaking down gender roles or what the fuck ever.

Yeah them microlabels are decent ways to describe facets of human sexual potential, and can/should be tools to help you sort your head out. But my bio shouldn't have to look like an ingredient label on processed food to engage in this conversation. It's not fucking complicated, Karen. If you have to do that many goddamn backflips to argue your way into this conversation maybe stay the fuck out of it.

Just because it's true that you don't need active dysphoria to be trans (and sometimes almost have Triggers specific to things like, I dunno, sexuality) doesn't mean it gets to be the jungle gym of every fucking teenager on the internet trying to figure out their general identity, and stop trying to call my still untransitioned trans ass a terf or a truscum for it, you fucking terfs. Stop flipping this shit around.

Literally if you look at twitter/tumblr, 50% of the world is trans. And while that's a charming thought for a dialogue about the repressed minority or the truth of Gender or whatever the fuck, in the real world, less than 1% identify, and those of us that exist in real world queer spaces might GENEROUSLY estimate maybe 5%? like cap? If I took 95% of you motherfuckers, unplugged your internet and dropped you in the Appalachians, you probably wouldn't be trans or care about trans issues by the time you stumbled out. But that's the life some of us have actually been through, so stop shitting on the mountain trail, it's rough enough out here.

Most of you are logging off to your 2.5 kids and husband anyway. Don't call me a biphobe for it. By all means sweetie go figure your shit out, fuck up and out whatever storm with whomever you want, go figure out your bullshit, but stop trying to make your bullshit the communal bullshit. We fucking get it. You got to the party late and your shit still has you uncomfortable. Stop trying to take over the fucking party, your music choice sucks. Back to the hetero world with you.

But most of you never will. You're never gonna pursue it. You're just gonna fuck around in our conversation to try to actually make it to conform to you, which somehow always makes the hets and terfs the dominant force on this conversation under all the screaming noise. You won't LET it impact your lives the way it has those that have lived experiences, you try to make US clean up and sterilize OURS. Lived experiences also doesn't mean Have Already Fucked And Found Out, and if you even thought that argument, disqualify yourself from ever speaking on this again, because you clearly aren't even vaguely in touch with the queer experience, you're in touch with the Seeking A Place To Belong experience. It's adjacent, but not the same.

Realistically, 99% of the supposed digital queer community are, at best, Questioning, and using digital personas to fuck around and find out. The fucking LGBTQ conversation has been just. utterly hijacked and clowned unto itself by people Questioning, but not willing to ask the hard parts, and demand those uncomfy parts stay away from their LARP.

Hard pass.

#lgbtq #trans

[cowboy-robooty]

literally one of the few things ive drawn recently cuz im dying. a (realism) portrait of edit: GENUINELY TERRIBLE PERSON LIKE GODDAMN BRUH 😨. eating her 129th white castle slider since she has eaten white castle sliders for literally almost every meal for around two months and has consumed around 128 of them. I am lowballing the estimate of sliders she has eaten.

#draws

[woodsfae]

Babylon 5 S01E10: Believers

First

Previous

ToC

Child: "Am I going to die?" Parent: "If it is written in the streams of time, Shon, it will be so."

I hope that in their culture, this is far more comforting than it would be in mine. Regardless, this caused my first out-loud laugh of the episode.

Another dark episode, I see. So far it feels like it's JW/Faith Healer-criticism focused.

Idk how well I'm going to do with this episode. I had an anti-healthcare parent who refused to get me medical treatment for many easily treatable problems, and some of them are still bothering me today. Hell, it's the reason I'm almost 30 and watching Babylon 5 while recovering from a quadruple 100% bone impacted wisdom tooth extraction. So my commentary might be a tad....hostile. For this episode.

Shit like this makes me hot under the collar. Children should be able to have medical autonomy over their bodies.

oh my god, the parents also don't let their kid watch secular educational or entertaining material. Wow. It's my family but aliens.

Doctor Franklin's soft and soothing bedside manner is the only thing keeping me from skipping this episode tbh.

I don't really care about the moral arguments of this back and forth. Fuck no. No debate. Parents don't own their children. Children deserve adequate medical care. Period.

This poor, afraid, tortured child. There were times I spent hours and hours and hours trying to control my breathing, not knowing if this would be asthma attack that killed me, knowing that if I was allowed to have an inhaler or go to the ER, I wouldn't have to wonder. Sometimes I blacked out and didn't know if I would wake up again. My adrenaline is rising.

Can we spend more time on Ivanova?

pfffft G'Kar won't help because they have nothing to offer the Narns. Londo won't, because research, committee hearings and paperwork cost money.

Nasty ass parent: "If it were your child, or even you yourself, how would you feel if the doctor of Babylon 5 wanted to perform an unwelcome procedure on you?" Kosh: "The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the pebbles to vote."

That made me laugh for the second time this episode! Slightly hysterically, to be sure.

Delenn is SO sympathetic. "I cannot tell you how much all this troubles me," yeah cuz they wouldn't like the answer, I'm sure.

Sinclair, don't be stressed about this. The kid will die if their awful bigoted parents get their way. It's murder via slow, torturous death. The only thing I approve of so far is that Sinclair is speaking directly to the child.

"It's only a piece of industrial goo, but please don't tell Doctor Franklin I said so. He still believes it's an egg."

I may cry, that is so precious.

Poor brainwashed little child doesn't want to lose their spirit.

"I have to honor the beliefs of the parents," bullshit.

Awful. Everything about this is awful.

Now that the parents are crying I refuse to cry because they're fucking awful. Crying over a situation they could have fixed days ago.

YEAH GO DR FRANKLIN. He's already packed! And the surgical assistant is going to help, too. Now that's what I'm talking about! Fucking ethics!

If they write something fuckin dumb in like the kid's spirit escapes I'm going to be furious.

Their transparent masks crack me up. In the future, you can see each others faces during surgery. :P But what's stopping them from wearing hygienically transparent scrubs?

terrible terrible parents. There's a reason I'm an atheist.

Franklin: "Well if I have to take the responsibility then I claim the authority, too. I. Did. Good. And we both know it, and no one is gonna take that away."

Yep. Bravo.

Fuck I'm just so on edge. This episode is hard and bad for me.

They're taking the child and uhhh. Hope they won't kill the kid. "He needs to rest," "He will," is extremely ominous.

Goddamn it I hate being right.

"Sometimes doing the right thing doesn't change anything. It can drive you crazy."

True that.

I'm glad Ivanova had a nice time, at least.

-

funsies, an episode about the devastating effects of alcoholism on familial relationships

#babylon 5 #stephen franklin #I'm going for a walk to calm down #woodsfae b5

[audball]

This Is Gonna Make Me Sound Ungrateful But Idc. (Long post).

Two people in my family are major gift-givers. But the problem is, its to a fault imo.

For YEARS I have complained that I never have any room for the shit I Already Have. I am currently in the process of gathering up a bunch of shit to give to goodwill or whomever because i literally have NO place to put it. I do this every so often and every single time these two just completely undo it with their gift-giving no matter how many times I tell them not to.

My family, also, tend to keep a lot of pointless shit. I’m NOT calling them hoarders, thats an actual major mental illness which I don’t think they fall under. what they DO do, however, is they are the type where as long as you shove everything under a bed or in a closet, its “clean”. very “out of sight, out of mind” mentality. well, we’ve been doing that for so many years now that we no longer CAN put shit under our bed, we no longer CAN put shit in our closets. But every single year my father AND my brother, even tho everyone is ACUTELY aware of how i feel about this type of shit, gets me these Big gifts that take up all this space. OR its a bunch of Little shit that does nothing but sit on a shelf. like I appreciate the thought, its really nice, but at the same time i have had MULTIPLE meltdowns, M U L T I P L E, over how I NEED to get shit out of this goddamn house because my tiny-ass room is just covered in useless figures and items that do not Have a place to go. And don’t get me wrong, I Do get rid of stuff! Problem is, Christmas will come around again, and now all my progress was for Nothing while I get gifted all these giant video game pre-order figurines or special collectors edition whatevers or Another Gundam. None of which is asked for by me. And I’m not allowed to get mad!!!! Any attempts to tell these people “I JUST WANT MONEY OR GIFT CARDS PLEASE” is either disregarded Entirely, or is taken as a joke (usually taken as a joke no matter how much I basically Plead with them to not get me anything). Hell, honestly I don’t really want ANYTHING for christmas or birthdays or whatever. I’m a big girl, I make my own money, I can buy my own things. But if I get upset at the fact that I’m getting more shit thats just gonna get put on a shelf and forgotten about, I’M THE BAD GUY! I don’t care if I sound ungrateful or whatever. I Really, REALLY wish this shit would fucking STOP. I’m sick of having to play fucking Tetris in my tiny-ass little fuckin room that I’m in in this god-forsaken house just because if I decline or get rid of some big-ass knick-knack gift I’ll hurt someones fee fees. :( They always fuckin say too! “I have no idea what to get you anymore!!! :)))” HOW ABOUT PLEASE DON’T. IF I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS I WILL LET YOU KNOW. YOU  ASK ME FOR A LIST AS IT IS, WHATS THE POINT OF GIVING YOU THAT LIST IF UR JUST GONNA OVERLOAD ME WITH SHIT ANYWAY!!!! MAYBE LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAY “I HAVE TOO MUCH SHIT ALREADY”. PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING CHRIST. I SWEAR TO GOD THESE PEOPLE IN THIS HOUSE DO NOT FUCKING LISTEN UNLESS IM ACTIVELY THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM LIKE A CHILD!!!!!!!! AND I FEEL SO TERRIBLE CUZ IM YELLING AND SCREAMING OVER BEING GIVEN GIFTS!!! I DONT MIND GETTING GIFTS BUT WHEN I HAVE NO ROOM: I. HAVE. NO. R O O M. AND ME DUMPING A BUNCH OF SHIT TO GOODWILL DOES *NOT* FUCKING MEAN I WANT MORE FIGURES THAT WILL JUST SIT THERE! I’M TRYING TO GET RID OF THIS SHIT SO I DON’T FEEL LIKE I’M CONSTANTLY LIVING IN A TRASH HEAP.

#idk #idc #i feel like such a spoiled brat but idgaf #we're not even upper-middle class either so its also kinda scary wondering how they're getting the money to pay for this shit with #cuz none of its cheap

[mrsmarlasinger]

I posted 9,071 times in 2022

That's 1,181 more posts than 2021!

164 posts created (2%)

8,907 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@powerbottombrucespringsteen

@that-twink-over-there

@rainbow-arrow

@rabbitindisguise

@elytrians

I tagged 3,231 of my posts in 2022

#tlt - 326 posts

#personal - 138 posts

#drug mention - 123 posts

#tumblrstake - 108 posts

#september 2022 - 105 posts

#drugs tw - 103 posts

#goncharov - 96 posts

#ldsconf - 91 posts

#general conference - 91 posts

#coronavirus - 86 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#(btw universe i am knocking on wood and i'm nawt trying to extort *extra* luck by reblogging this a second time okay love u 🤜🪵🤜🪵🤜🪵)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

My Favorite TLT Fanart Things

Ianthe

festeringly hawt, not TOO pretty

pale sallow skin. maybe a liiiiittle touch of jaundice, who can say

blood blood blood

small titty committee, but goddamn does she work that cleavage 😳

flat, colorless sheet of long hair (type 1a. texture what texture) that appears vaguely damp at all times

looks like she barely sleeps more than harrow

VISIBLY sickly, washed out, and fucking unhinged

weird vintage-y clothes that she somehow manages to slay OR slinky Barbiecore party girl dress in an obnoxious and unflattering shade of lavender

tall and svelte like a silver screen actress

men's clothes because i pick and choose what's canon here <33

slightly annoying face. punchable woman.

purple is HER color even though it looks terrible on her

evil freak with fucked-up insane eyes

looks at everyone like she's gonna fuck and/or cannibalize them. just radiating the most horrifying sexual energy you've ever seen

slut

cool gross mess of muscle and gristle connecting her bone arm to her shoulder

lean, kind of hollow face with high cheekbones (but still punchable-looking)

eyes either half-lidded and come-hither or just way way too scarily wide

possibly doesn't shower

ianthe can have piercings too. if she wants :)

Gideon | Harrow | Coronabeth

114 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#4

Dallin H. Oaks is the reason I could not remain in the Church.

Dallin H. Oaks is the reason I can't tell my parents that I've been dating a girl for eight months and I'm in love with her and I gave my virginity to her and the other night I dreamed that I proposed to her.

Dallin H. Oaks is the reason my father delights in saying the f-slur and making fun of his trans coworker, but god forbid the gays should marry, god forbid someone should reject the pronouns they were assigned from their very first breath.

Dallin H. fucking Oaks is the reason my parents and grandparents may never show up to my wedding, should I marry my girl, or meet my children, should I choose to have any.

And of course, it's not just Oaks, and if he weren't the emblem of homophobia in the Church, it would be someone else.

But I resent him so much.

I'm sorry—if nothing else, I believe in love. But I cannot love the man who so intensely embodies and perpetuates the pain I've endured for 21 years.

How dare he.

137 notes - Posted April 3, 2022

#3

My Favorite TLT Fanart Things

Harrow*

androgynously hawt, not TOO pretty

little curved fangs as gauges

lotssss of piercings

BONE INDUSTRIAL PIERCING

emo 14-year-old grunge blogger attire or ornate lacy goth princess attire, no in-between

insane bags under her eyes

NO bone tiddies on the rib corset (why)

mean scary little gremlin and/or pathetic wet scrunkly rat

at least vaguely pissed-looking at (almost) all times

black nail polish

flat af but not emaciated because :(

choker/collar thing made of vertically arranged bones (you know the one)

blood blood blood

doesn't look 25! she's only three years old!!

insane unhinged energy always

soft dark eyes. tender eyes. angry, powerful eyes. haunted eyes.

looks about as put-together as a goth freak on the wrong end of a bender

smeared face paint cuz she's fucked up

CATHOLIC SAINT IMAGERY!!!!

mean, pointy, vaguely sickly little ferret face with small angular features (ideal for conveying A. feral rage, B. tortured sorrow, or C. thinly veiled open exasperation)

hair juuust long enough to curl around her ears and get in her eyes, like an anime boy

neither butch nor femme but a secret third thing

*my special little guy 🖤

Gideon | Ianthe | Coronabeth

153 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#2

Mormons RECOVER from limp cabbage EMBARRASSMENT

156 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

22 ½ hours of Canadian Redditors attempting to draw their own flag on r/place:

Please note that this is juxtaposed with intricate pixel art of the Eiffel Tower, featuring The Little Prince...

See the full post

16,897 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[the-firebird69]

Ad Astra | Official Trailer [HD] | 20th Century FOX

I kind of like this I kind of get it grab Tommy f and we get a ticket too mars shut up Tommy and I'm using juicing burping and yum and can't stand it and this is fun and I see it in the movie a bit and people don't get it some do I'm going in a real mission my life is a mess my friend did this to me and his clans this person here is out and was never in his life is very strange it was very odd someone here sitting there with no money for so long and horrible he knows all about it I think we're going to see something we might figure it out I am and see a big fleet come on a Saturn and shortly thereafter he might get stuff will that make sense to me it used to happen that's the pattern to look for

Trump

You find it yourself this is great news found it yourself this is terrific finally

Dan

Good news it seems to be true we're looking at Paris Hilton and the other I'm trying to figure it out and he says it's a trick and I know it is but they'll have to do it cuz they couldn't retrieve them and we heard Camilla say it and we get that everybody was threatening them and they're very deadly we didn't need them pushed to this but the max had it done it's on their head in their time and it looks like they're going to get beat. Is pushed real hard about burning Man and nobody told me the f****** Park was closed it's right on the Park website who are you people everything out of his mouth is Gospel truth to be taking advantage of and you don't even look the goddamn Park website we know who's working there and you're not going into the park and we have tapes and everything important you should have this truck trails everywhere you can see them from space what are you looking at and they thought they were maintaining it or fixing it I have to get the f*** out of here they're so dumb it was right though the trends are similar or the same for off-road now I'm getting something it's not that dumb and they're held down and it's a small group but really this is ridiculous he says and I say this just ridiculous look at these castles what in the hell are people doing he says there's something there it's the void with a wall clay came from to make this huge wall and there's something there and what the f*** are people doing what's the matter with you idiots you found it blocked up with Max can you figure it out

Mac daddy do you think they're down there looking for copper or magnesium or something cuz they're sick from Prilosec

..

Really this is terrible it's all blocked up by them and it only happens when they want to keep you out of course we have to find out what it is maybe a huge base right next to us

Jonathan m

We have a huge number of problems this is a massive issue he's saying it could be a giant kju and we're just sitting here jerking the bologna telling him over there tons of people are there we're having them say it this f****** blows that thinking walk all over the place and kill everybody but that's not what it's for it's for going up to Saturn and grabbing thorium okay we're f****** stupid

Dan

Yeah good call and telling everybody for Christ's sake

Trump

He did it and now people know about it

Dan

Ok ok

Trump

We got to get out of here and do something we should go to Bernie man it's our place they're in our sheds they're doing research and the tracking something making sure people don't go there or something this blows what the hell would they bring out there

Terry c

Olympus

#Youtube

[kittlyns]

I don't even know what I'm trying to say here but there's a lot going on and I'm on my period so I'm just a fucking wreck right now.

It's so hard. Reaching out to people. Like, actually impossible. It's just not something I'm capable of. So when something goes wrong in my life, I honestly just don't bring it up to anyone around me. And I know I'm supposed to. Like my grandma tells me my mom has been venting to her and I'm like, oh that's right. That's something mothers and daughters should do. But not me, cuz my mom is dealing with enough on her own, so I can't bother her with my petty shit. Okay, my siblings? God no. I'm the eldest, I'm the one who's supposed to keep it together, I can't fucking drag them down in the muck with me just so I have... what, catharsis??? That's fucking doubtful. More like arming them with future ammunition against me so they can bring up how fucking crazy I am. Gonna pass on that one.

Then it's like, well that's what friends are for, right? I should reach out to my best friends and look for support and comfort. I know they'd willingly give it. But that feels weak and pathetic and vulnerable and they've got enough on their plates without babying me, so I'll just fill them in when everything is better. Or maybe not at all. Who knows. But I'm not gonna bother anyone about shit they can't control or understand just so I can feel even worse afterwards.

But they find out anyways. Cuz of course they do. And then my voice shakes and the veneer slips and they see me for what I am. And then they're disappointed that I didn't go to them! And I feel terrible over that!! But how do you even begin to explain it all. How do you explain that they will never be able to understand the complexities of it all? That yeah, it's one situation, but it goes much deeper than even I'm aware, and the only 2 people I can think to talk to were raised too well by people in much better situations that opening up about it all would make me feel like a goddamn charity case!!

Like, oh, sorry, it's not that I don't trust you with my vulnerability, it's more that I trusted someone in the past and they were also going through some shit and I mistook their silence for annoyance and I know better now but that feeling of rejection embedded itself in me and has not let go of me in nearly 10 years. How do I tell someone, "you fundamentally changed the way I interact with people, forever and ever, but I know you didn't mean to and I'm not mad at you-"? You don't. I don't. Oh, you're going back 9 years? Really?? That's a little- Yes, excessive, I know. But wait! We actually have to go back to when I was 4 to truly understand this situation! Matter of fact, let's just say it all started the day I was born to reallyyy make sure we cover the intricacies of it all!

God. How fucking dramatic. How exhausting. Can't you just say "Here's what's going on," and when people say "Oh No! It'll get better soon 🥺" you just smile and say Thank You, I Know like the good robot you are?? Never mind that it's pointless to even have that conversation, because I can fucking lie to myself all day long, that's what I DO babyyyy, I don't need fucking help there. No, if I'm truly going to sit down and talk about how I feel, you need to know EVERYTHING. And there lies the problem. Who even wants to hear all that? Who would care enough, still love you after? And if they did, what does that say about them? Probably nothing, but let me spiral a little farther and I can come up with something, I'm sure.

But going back to 9 years ago, idek why I'm blaming them for me being like this. Honestly, this is who I was always going to end up as. I can't even cry without holding my breath cuz I don't want anyone to hear me. I even do it totally alone. Been doing that little trick since I was 5 or 6, AT LEAST. Of course there's a part of me that craves being able to lean on someone's shoulder and just letting the dam break, but I know it'll never happen. I am physically and mentally incapable of letting anyone see me like that.

All that to say. I am stuck in the same place I've always been. I am incapable of reaching out to people I love for support, and think I am doing them a favor by not doing so. In turn, this alienates me from them even further. I am alone. I don't have to be, but I am. Conclusion... accept the empty platitudes because that's likely all I will ever be able to accept?

God. Again, how devastatingly sad. The connection and support I need and want will forever be out of reach bc I'm behind a wall of my own construction. I'm totally aware of this but I just cannot. change. Whatever.

#ignore. please. #like that goddamn dog in the life I always wanted comic..... #anytime I write an essay's worth of bullshit I always think of that one doctor who told me I didn't need to see anyone for mental health cuz #it seems like I 'cope well'. #just have to laugh. am I still coping well doctor??? am I doing a good job being aware???? #what good is awareness if you can't change anything. age old question. #anyways. good night.

[chocolate-failure]

Bruh, what kinda demented shit is this?? Dig literally thinks I hate him because I didn't take a ride from him..

So let me explain cuz holyhell is this a wild thing to say given the circumstances.

So my car is old, like really old. Like I didn't need to do my emissions this year to register my car old. Of course that means maintenance for it can be difficult especially because there's a lot of condensation where I live and because of work it ends up sitting for months at a time. It's been acting up a whole mfkn lot lately, a lot of sputtering, ticks, and whining. So I take it to get fixed and it requires like $3,000+ in repairs but that's beside the point. My car is fucked up.

So I drive up there and ask dig to give me a ride back. I leave before him and accidentally leave my phone in the car when I get out. I'm talking to the dudes there and they're super helpful, one takes me a ride to show me the issues the car has with the sounds it's making and what those sounds mean. During this time dig arrives and I see him in the parking lot across the street. I talk to the dudes for another few minutes and met up with dig to go back home.

Dig's incredibly cold to me the entire ride which he initially says there's no issue. I have to apologize to him for him to tell me the truth because it's obvious he's upset and I don't know why. Ends up when he got there he saw that my car wasn't there and thought I had left which caused him to get upset and message me but of course because I left my phone in my car I didn't get the notif. By the time I got my phone I had noticed him and I was fairly certain he saw me since both me and my car are in his direct field of sight.

He was mad because I didn't respond to him, but I didn't know he sent me anything and I'm literally talking to other people and not thinking about checking my phone. He probably ended up waiting 15 minutes upon arrival so that's why I apologized, I felt like I had wasted his time and he made it very apparent that I had done just that. So I made my mind not to ask him for a ride when I go to get my car. I just got laid off and am not in a great mental space as far as stress management goes so I felt like I wouldn't reliably be able to keep him updated if he did end up giving me a ride.

Saturday I go to pick up my car. I'm having a pretty goddamn horrible day so far and I was really trying not to but fuckin christ.. idk I just wanna be dead. Dig isn't home when I get the call to pick up my phone and even if he was I wouldn't have asked him for a ride. I both didn't want to repeat the events from Friday and also had a terrible gym day so I wanted to get the exercise. The car place isn't far at all, maybe a 13 minute walk. It's drizzling a little but I'm used to it pouring rain everytime I go for a walk. Idk what that's about but it happens to me often. Probably 3 times a week last year I'd get rained on during my spring time walks/runs. I knew I shouldn't have cut through the grocery store parking lot but I really wanted to get back home quickly so I could throw up all the food I ate in the last 20 or so minutes before I left to get my car.

Dig intercepted me in the parking lot to give me a ride cuz I guess he was out grocery shopping and that's why he wasn't home. I'm listening to music and can't hear him so I just point to the car place and give him a thumbs up, say I'm good, and keep walking. The car place is literally a few hundred feet away. Like maybe just under 1000. I'm so close I can see it and I really didn't see the use in getting a ride especially because I wanted the exercise as well as not wanting a repeat of Friday. And that's✨ the message he sends me. I didn't see it til way later when I was in the tub and my stomach dropped so fuckin hard. I was a bit surprised at how much it affected me to have him say something so baseless, mean, and manipulative. I told him my feelings were hurt and that I ended up having to go back because my car was ✨still✨ fucked up. I was honestly so distraught because I spent a whole paycheck on my car and it needs even more work. I was also kinda glad I didn't get that ride because they had me wait again for over half an hour when I brought it back.

I've tried very hard to show my appreciation, share, and be vulnerable with him. Asking for help is one of those vulnerable experiences that makes me not want to trust others either because it will be used against me or become a reason why I owe someone something. He confirmed to me that asking for help in this situation was a mistake and that I am, in fact, a burden. And when I decline that help I'm a disdainful hateful partner who refuses help out of spite. I felt that I wouldn't be able to meet the conditions of the assistance he was offering and didn't want to be seen as more of a burden. Plot twist: I'm a fucking burden no matter what I do.

And like of course this experience sucked but it is both astounding and telling that my one time refusal of his help directly translates to disdain to him. That's really fucking worrying. Like one gesture can make him say something like that... He's never believed that I cared about him if something that small can entirely set him off. Not only does he not believe that I care he doesn't believe me when I say it.

He sent me money which is kinda his version of love bombing, no idea how much he sent, I kinda don't care. He might write me a note or buy me some shit I didn't ask for. Anything to make him feel like he's made up for the fucked up shit he's done so I can then become the inflexible ungrateful harpy I've always been for not graciously accepting his kindness. I'm too tired to fight anymore. I just want to be left alone.

#journal #diglett #my relationship #i hate it here

[yamanaka-shin]

Atsui and Samui for the Character Ask Game!

Since you think you're so funny...I'm going off format for this because these two are so niche, I can't do them justice with the established meme format, especially lacking images/quotes/songs as it is.

Anyone who knows me knows I despise Samui. She's one of the two characters I can't stand for petty reasons. The other is Hoheto. But I think, if I had to put a pin to the real reason why I don't like her, I'd say she reads to me as waifu bait. Her defining trait is Huge Knockers and beyond that there's not much substance. It's a shame for those who like her, especially given she's from Kumo and collectively the Kumo cast kicks so much ass. But I simply am not invested in her even though she's not done anything actually wrong.

Like you and I discussed before, I do she her as cishet + aro. But tbh, probably not super interested in relationships or encounters at this point in time. Maybe I'm wrong. But I just don't get a vibe from her that getting a man is a priority. It seems she's a Capricorn though, so I can see her preferring men who know what they want in life and aren't the type to play stupid games. Can't fault her for that.

And while I don't love her, I do think she's good at what she does. Earning a Jounin tank is obviously not a joke or something to take lightly. That's higher in rank than half the goddamn Konoha cast members as of Boruto. And she has the trust of 4A, which is an invaluable asset when you're operating on a mission. I may not see the appeal of her but those around her do and that's what will always hold the most weight. Tbh, I do wonder what she and her brother were like as kids and would not mind a view into that time.

Now when it comes to the flamboyant gay He Man brother she has, Atsui, I'm amused by him. He really showed up and acted like a fool (affectionate) then simply was gone forever. I miss him. Hopefully he's got himself a man by now.

There's quite an age gap between them, isn't there? One of the largest that we have confirmation of actually. Gotta wonder if he was perhaps an unplanned child, or maybe she was and their waited a while till they were properly ready and then had him. I'm curious as to the story here cuz 10 years is a notable gap between siblings who are most likely the only two in the family. His behavior also truly reflects the fact that he's just a dumb teenager. Him being 19 also means he's the same age as Chojuuro but somehow I'm more able to believe Atsui was an adult back then in comparison lmao. I love Naruto I'm never leaving.

God bless this ugly little fruitcake I hope he got a nice husband who will praise him every time he does something good and/or cool. And I hope they're a terribly obnoxious in love in public couple. It's what he deserves. Maybe they met in the hospital after the war when both were recovering from injuries and really hit it off since they were put in the same room.

He's another case of how fun it is to imagine a detailed personal life for characters we don't know shit about because there's nothing to say your ideas AREN'T happening. And I do declare, this fruit loop (affectionate) is cool and I hope he's loved.