#demand avoidance

[autball]

And Did You Know…that that is part of the reason why “appears comfortable in role play and pretend” became a “key criteria” for PDA? (PDA = Pathological Demand Avoidance, or Pervasive Drive for Autonomy.)

For a long time it was considered an essential part of PDA, but it was changed to “optional” not too long ago. And for good reason. We know now that plenty of autistic people do engage in imaginative play and role play, AND that not all PDAers do.

While role play is very often just for fun, no matter who you are, it can also sometimes be used as a coping mechanism. It can be used to get out of things, or to make it easier to get through something challenging, or even as a way to mask.

It’s not always a cause for concern, but if you find your person (or yourself) spending more time as someone/something else than as themselves (or yourself), it might be a sign that some changes are needed. For example, you may need to lower stress/demands, or you may to ensure there are more places where they feel safe being themselves.

But again, it’s not always a bad thing! If your child does use role play as a way to cope or avoid things, it’s okay to just go with it in the moment. If it helps them get through doing a hard thing, just play along! If they use it to try and “get out of something,” hear that they’re telling you they can’t handle it for some reason. Maybe there’s something in their way that you could help with, or maybe they just need you to back off right now.

This is talked about a lot more in the PDA community than in the wider autistic community, so hopefully this brings awareness to people who haven’t yet come across it. But I do wanna reiterate that it is not all PDAers and not only PDAers who use role play in this way (or at all). So don’t let anyone try to tell you that you or your kid is or isn’t something over this particular trait alone.

(Image description in Alt Text.)

#actually autistic #autistic #autism #autistic funny #autistic experiences #pathological demand avoidance #pda autism #pda profile #demand avoidance

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Sometimes being demand avoidant means that it feels impossible to do something when directly asked…

Neurodivergent_lou

#autism #actually autistic #demand avoidance #pda autism #pathological demand avoidance #PDA explained #neurodivergence #neurodiversity #actually neurodivergent #feel free to share/reblog #neurodivergent_lou (Facebook)

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

PDA autistic culture is hating the demand that comes with labels so much that you don’t even like identifying as agender because it still feels like…a gender (a concept which society forcefully imposed on you, and you therefore want no part of)

#pathological demand avoidance #demand avoidance #pda autistic #pda autism #pda profile #adhd autistic #audhd #neurodiversity #late diagnosed autistic #autistic stuff #autistic experiences #pda things #pda problems #autistic thoughts #autistic things #neurogender #gender identity #cptsd recovery #complex trauma #autistic trauma

[deadlydelicious]

Time Blindness and Alarms

little tip I just discovered if you have time blindness, but are also pretty demand avoidant

a lot of advice for time blindness suggests using timers, which yes CAN work, but if you’re anything like me, that frequently DOESN’T because you just turn off the alarm, and its failure to work then stresses you out

a lot of them also suggest if you’re struggling with using alarms to set them to the most disruptive and annoying sound you can to ensure you can’t ignore them. or put them on the otherside of the room so you HAVE to disrupt what you’re doing to turn them off

and that’s bad fucking advice

because when it hits up with demand avoidance, what happens is often you get into the flow of work, and then this SCREECHING yell of an alarm interrupts you ‘demanding’ you stop your flow, which is just going to piss you off, and if you’re like me you’re going to hit snooze and keep going, getting more and more angry each time the alarm returns

so do the opposite

set your alarm for a pleasant, unobtrusive sound. something you will notice, but that you can sit with going off for a few seconds. what this has meant for me is that instead of feeling this frustrated immediacy to shut off the alarm, and then spitefully continuing whatever i was doing because the ‘rude’ alarm interrupted my flow, instead the alarm now politely ‘reminds’ me that the time i allotted for the task has ended, so its time for me to wind down what i’m doing

the key is making sure you pick a sound that you are ok with playing in the background. this then means you’re able to treat the alarm not like an absolute END TASK NOW, but instead a little ‘last call at the bar’, letting you bring things to a natural close without feeling like you’re being ordered to stop when you’re in the middle of things

#time blindness #demand avoidance #adhd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #actually neurodiverse #actually neurodivergent

[2009isitanyways]

#autism #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #sensory seeking #sensory avoidant #PDA #pathological demand avoidance #demand avoidance #asd #autism spectrum disorder #sensory seeking autism

[waytoomuchanalysis]

Let’s play “why am I so demand avoidant?”! Is it:

A.) Part of my autism

B.) Being told what to do just makes me mad (psychological reactance)

C.) The fact that the people telling me what to do are typically people who don’t respect me very much so I don’t respect them very much

D.) All of the above

#psychology #autism #pathological demand avoidance #demand avoidance #psychological reactance

[awkwardgoddesss]

Neurotypicals be like: Just use a planner broooo

Sir, you don't get it. If I got a planner 1 out of 4 things is going to happen.

1. My demand avoidance will kick in and I would rather rip out every single strand of hair on my body one by one than fill out a to-do list.

Or

2. I actually get everything done from my planner, but my imposter syndrome kicks in and since I set those goals for myself even though I accomplished them, they mean nothing and are therefore not worthy of acknowledgement.

Or

3. I will fill out the planner and then forget it exists. So like who is going to remind me to check my planner or use my planner to begin with?

Or

4. The worst of them all, I will end up with a planner filled with things I gotta do, remember it, not get anything done but with the extra guilt of not getting anything done.

#adhd problems #neurodivergent #actually adhd #adhd diagnosis #things ill never say #audhd things #rsd #imposter syndrome #demand avoidance #shit neurotypicals say

[sparrowamongthecrows]

autism and pathological demand avoidance

i've been wanting to get back on tumblr for a while now (i used to be on tumblr like a decade ago, and i look back fondly on those memories). there's just something really nice about writing out what you think and how you feel about things. it's cathartic. i find it to be emotionally regulating. and yet the demand of consistency is something i am constantly fighting with.

pathological demand avoidance. i perceive a demand, and i avoid it. i lose all desire to engage. i get frustrated when i feel like i'm obligated to do something.

even starting this blog, i already feel frustrated and want to stop. pushing past that is difficult. i feel obligated to continue. obligated to make this a good, coherent post. obligated to write as if i am expecting an audience to read this. and yet i only want to do this for myself. i want to have a space where i can express myself freely.

i want to talk about my experiences as a trans and autistic person, and yet that very desire is being perceived as a demand. it is very disorienting and exhausting.

#sparrow talks #autism #neurodivergence #pathological demand avoidance #PDA autism #demand avoidance

[cloudcereal]

The more someone tells me to do something the less I want to do it

#🖍️ #demand avoidance #autism

[stimmingbabie]

PDA be like

me: i'm gonna take the trash out of our room today and tomorrow we have to go to the store :) my fiance: well i was gonna clean the room today but first i have to put the clothes away and then do the litterbox...........unless YOU want to................. me: *loses all motivation to do what i was already gonna do* ahahah yeah want is a strong word but i'll do it (with a meltdown first but i feel too guilty to say no)

#pathological demand avoidance #adhd #autism #actually adhd #actually autistic #asd #autistic #neurodivergent #neurodiverse #pda #pda autism #demand avoidance

[soupmetal666]

me googling "jobs for people who feel like having to work for a wage at all is unbearable" and "jobs for people with PDA" lmao

and then i find accounts written by other PDAers that resonate so much it's creepy, which helps me not feel like i'm a broken lazy asshole, but pretty much all of them are like "i dunno, it's an intractable situation" or "i don't work" so fuuuuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

#pda #demand avoidance #personal drive for autonomy #autistic

[ink-asunder]

Having demand avoidance in a medical setting is literally hell. Like, patient autonomy is already absolute ass. It's only made worse when doctors CONSISTENTLY tell you what to do and act like you HAVE to do it instead of consulting with you first like normal fucking people.

#also “”“”medical necessity“”“” is NOT an excuse here. #ive been to plenty of doctors that thoroughly discuss a range/timeline of treatment and explain it IN DETAIL before saying “thats what i- #-recommend“ instead of just going ”okay were gonna do this. im gonna explain the prep to you a mile a minute and if you have any follow up- #-questions im just gonna repeat part of my spiel with no clarification. and if i cant answer your questions too bad :)“ #not to mention how many doctors just force you to do things that WILL NEVER WORK #like one therapist tried forcing me to do emdr when i was only IN HER TOWN for the summer and i had no internet access when i was at college #im pretty sure emdr takes several weeks to work and i did not have that kind of time available to me. i couldnt just drop out bc of ptsd. #also the number of times ive had to decline an ESI is stupid. I've already had 2! they didn't work! i had a bad reaction to the meds! #why am i being forced to do it again? #also back surgery. i cant do that because i am a white trash rural kid and our home (which we built ourselves) CANNOT be accessible enough #for spinal surgery recovery. but i went to the surgeon and he was like “thats valid! and also surgery literally wouldnt help you so idk why- #-they sent you here.“ : l It's cool to be right all the time lol #its like. no wonder i developed medical demand avoidance after so much traumatizing and malpracticy bullshit in my life #demand avoidance #medical demand avoidance #chronic illness burnout #chronic illness #chronic pain #medical tw #ptsd #disability #medical neglect #medical trauma #vent #this might be too personal. if i do delete it ill have it rb'd on my boar-deer-whitetrashbutterfly blog first #idk i just havent really been able to find anyone else talking about this specific effect of being chronically ill/disabled.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

PDA & Demand Avoidance

Neurodivergent Insights

#autism #actually autistic #PDA #demand avoidance #neurodivergence #actually neurodivergent #feel free to share and reblog #Neurodivergent Insights

[deadnoodle]

#art #comic #demand avoidance

[pillowbo]

I have sadly absorbed so much of that "write when you don't want to" "writing is discipline not fun" crap that I began to associate writing as something I have to do so I stopped because I can't make myself do anything.

My brain will just shut down due to demand avoidance. The message that I have to do something is the antithesis of what I need to succeed much less to find that it's even worth doing.

I have started writing again because it doesn't feel like I HAVE to do it and even though it's just trashy smut drabbles they were written with true passion that I haven't felt for a very long time.

For some people, telling them they need discipline is the last thing you should ever say to them, or indeed yourself if you're anything like me and your brain shuts down like a TV that lost its signal at even the implication of a demand.

PDA autism is such a difficult thing to understand until you figure out that at the heart of it is the drive to be in control, which I cannot be no matter what when a thing feels like a requirement.

Yes, even when it's me telling myself I need to do something. Yes, even when I want to do that thing. Telling myself I just need to power through it was the hugest fucking mistake because that message to my brain is anathema and it DOES NOT WORK.

It doesn't mean I'm lazy. It doesn't mean I'm this disgusting human being who just doesn't care enough to try. It means that I'm neurodivergent so certain motivators that may help many neurotypical people are disabling for me.

I have the passion. I have the bravado. I have the scenes burning through my mind. I told myself that I needed to write them and it all came to an ass-grinding halt, and I could keep saying I needed to write until I was blue in the face and it did not matter.

I couldn't squeeze a sentence out no matter how many times I repeatedly closed and opened my document until I eventually gave up, my day ruined.

I crawled into bed and the second "I need to write" left my head, BAM, wild dreams about my characters. Holy shit that was awesome! Holy shit I need to wri-wash, rinse, repeat.

The subconscious portion of me, or whatever the fuck I guess is the greater version of me, the completely beautifully feral part of me that is one hundred percent credited for all of that filthy smut I wrote when I stopped "needing to write" has its claws hooked in my ass, and it will dig its heels in and resist demands at all costs.

My brain is like a Chinese finger trap. I have needlessly pulled, and believe me I've pulled hard, over and over with "just do it" motivational speakers and TED Talks, none of which ultimately planted my ass in a chair to finish a novel despite that those hours sunk into watching YouTube were quite entertaining.

Even when I DESPERATELY want to do something, the second I feel internally like it's a requirement my brain will go nope sorry man, then go blue screen of death, and I'm stuck there in limp noodle mode completely unable to cut through the static.

It has made me want to scream in frustration because I didn't understand my own brain and I inadvertently rendered myself INCAPABLE, not unwilling to, do what I want to do more than anything, WRITE.

You know where the pain stems from? It's not a lack of discipline. It's years of trying to change and praying that I could change something completely immutable inside of me.

And you know what? Knowing now that no amount anything can ever "fix me" and that I can never change freed me and healed my soul. I can't fit in the round hole, and I realize that now to my sweet relief, that it's a fucking beautiful thing.

All of which to say writing will never be a requirement for me, and I will never be disciplined or determined or any of that bullshit again. I will write whatever I want, whenever I want, and if I never want to write again then I will never write again.

The End.

#i wrote this because i wanted to #not because i had to #radical acceptance #pda autistic #pda autism #autistic #autism #authors #writers #writer on the spectrum #pervasive drive for autonomy #demand avoidance #autism acceptance #neurodivergent #neurodiverse #nerodiversity #autistic spectrum #autism spectrum

[florinethescribe]

Can I just say how much I hate the lack of action my executive dysfunction + Pathological demand avoidance gives me?

I want to do things! I want to do ALL the things! It would be so fantastic and great if I actually did something. Like the things I want to do,

like learning a song on the piano, writing a story, casting spells, doing yoga, playing my singing bowls, learning card games, reading a book, painting, drawing, cleaning my room, doing my homework, doing chores... Literally anything would be better than endlessly scrolling

Well, I did just write this. ^-^

#adhd problems #adhd #demand avoidance #nurodivergent #executive dysfunction