#external validation goes so far

[mello-when-hi]

So I’ve seen people lamenting the lack of new fics, how there’s nothing New to read and that they’re waiting out the days until writers resume posting. When the fics start trickling out again, show them some love! Leave the kudos, write that comment! You have no idea how much the support of the readers means to a writer, so make sure to let authors know how much you appreciate their work!!!

#the artists are what make the fandom go around #in content droughts and controversy artists of all sorts are what keep people going #and while there is the argument of making art that makes you happy #external validation goes so far #just basic recognition for the effort you’ve put into smth is so important!!

[awarmbowlofhomemadesoup]

How to Build Resilience in Long Fanfic Writing

Sometimes, when a fanfic goes past 20 chapters, people who had been commenting, began to lose interest. Maybe you'll start doubting your skill or whether you "have what it takes" to be a writer, even if you're doing it for fun.

But maybe you see all those beautifully written but unfinished long fics and mourn that they'll never be finished (for the writer's valid reason or another). And you don't want that to happen to yours.

There is also an advantage to completing long fics: you develop the discipline to write original novels which can take far longer.

So if you're in for the long haul and you want to stay steady and true despite whatever popularity your fic may have, here's how to have the resilience to finish it to the end.

(Disclaimer: this is not a reason to stop commenting on fics)

#1 Whatever You Think You're Owed, Let It Go.

Accidentally quoting Elsa aside, I'm talking about comments. Comments validate and can make you learn new things about your fics through other people's eyes.

But when you see a high-to-low ratio between kudos and comments, you may feel like you are owed.

When you push yourself to complete three long chapters and publish them all in the same day and only get one response, it can feel like people are being mean.

The truth is, we'll never know why the people who loved our fics will not talk to you about them.

Maybe they forget there's a person behind the fic.

Maybe they're having a bad day and just want to shut down after reading something enjoyable.

But whatever the case is, it's beyond your control.

This post said it best (shoutout to @radioactive-earthshine) :

"Remember - hits/likes/kudos/comments are not reflective of the quality of your fic or your ability to write. Most people just don’t comment - even if they say they do, they don’t... Even if your fic brought tears to their eyes and it haunted them for weeks and they printed it out and sent it to their friends they just don’t comment. You just have to accept it.

I'm not saying you force yourself to let it go now. But someday, you will need to let it go, and control what you can which is you.

#2 Put Your Life First Before Your Readers

I have to say this because sometimes writers would have thoughts like "I haven't written for a long time; people must be wondering about it." Nope. Stop. Not worth it.

Creating is fun, but it is also exhausting. Add into the fact that most of us have 8-hour jobs or classes.

The reason you haven't written for a long time is that other aspects of your life deserve your time and energy, too. And after all that, you would be understandably tired.

So put your life first before your readers.

#3 Make Preparations to Replenish Your Soul

Long fanfic writing is energy and time-consuming. But you cannot depend on external validation to make up for it.

External validation in the form of comments can be good because we don't want to imagine it's all in our heads. But seeking it too much leads to what I've read in the book, "Ego is the Enemy":

"If outside validation is your only source of nourishment, you will hunger for the rest of your life."

So before posting a chapter, list down what you can do to replenish your soul after. Treating myself to a cafe one time helped. So is taking walks when the air is cool.

To stop anticipating responses too much, what works for me is to post on Wednesday. Wednesday is when people are less busy. At the same time, when the weekend comes, I don't obsess over it so much and can focus on other aspects of my life or replenish my energy for the next week.

In the commitment to complete a long fic, it's important to be honest with yourself. This is to be transparent with your needs and watch out for any signs of burnout, like feeling sad and tired. If you need to walk away from your fic for a while, then do it.

#3 This is Between You and Your Creation

Yes, fandom should be two-way street. Yes, fandom shouldn't treat fanfics and fan arts like commodity. And yes, there should be interaction and engagement. But before all that, there is this thing between you and your creation first and foremost.

Just as a story has to have a "why", remember why you thought you should write your long fic. Your reason may change over time, but when you remember your "why", you remember your true goal to keep going.

#4 Write like No One is Reading

This is a perk I adapted when I only get two responses if I'm lucky after updating a fic that has more than a hundred subscribers. If people barely react, then you're free to write whatever you please in your story as if you're dancing like no one is watching. Just have fun improving your skills.

This is similar to an inspiring section of the same post that I've found:

"10.) Write for yourself, not for others. Write the fic you know no one is going to read. Write the fic that sounds ridiculous. You will be so happy you put it out in the world and there will be people who will be glad it exists."

#5 Cherish the Rare Friends You Find Along the Way

Sometimes, we get lucky and get something better than a hundred people interacting with our fic -we find a friend we would make in the way of writing the long fic that we dared to write. And they're the ones who would cheer you on and cry and laugh with you about the shared stories. Cherish them.

(dedicated to @lightreader1)

#archive of our own #ao3 #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction.net #ao3 fanfic #fic

[lewkwoodnco]

Now That We Don't Talk - Lockwood x Reader

A/N: very very brief suicidal mention, sooooo much writer's block hhhh (the seasonal depression is depressing), (angst but diluted if that makes sense) add/remove yourself from my taglist in the link beloooow ALSO

🎄Special Announcement! I'll be doing a twelve days of Christmas fic series (1 songfic fic a day leading up to Christmas) BUT I will also be accepting extra holiday-themed requests (if any)!🎄

(speaking of the holidays, thinking of switching to a santa-themed george icon soon hmmm), wc 3.1k

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 3.5 | Ch 4 | Ch 5

TAGLIST | MATERLIST

Moving had been a surprisingly smooth process that she remembered little of. She had to take care to not think too much about the ornaments she was packing or the boxes she was taping shut or the lonely town she was numbly driving towards, lest the rest of her catch up to the grief weighing her down. Her supervisor had looked plenty confused when she explained where she was transferring to, and muttered something about not knowing if there were any visitors there.

As steep as the change was from working in central London to a significantly sleepier town, she seemed to be adjusting fine. In fact, she was liking the peace and quiet. Or at least, she would, soon enough. She'd learn the right habits, like finding contentment in the stagnant void that descended on her windows far too quickly every evening, the same way she'd unlearn bad habits, like him. So no, her biggest problem was hardly the early sunsets here, but was actually what everyone wanted to talk to her about when she called. The one thing everyone - her old teammates, colleagues, friends - wanted to make sure she knew.

"The gala was fantastic this year - though not as fun without you, of course -"

"You'll never believe who showed up."

"He looked very sharp in his suit. He cleans up nice, I suppose - Anthony Lockwood, I mean."

"They've become quite the celebrities, that Lockwood & Co., though the other two don't seem to tolerate the cameras like he does."

"Oh, you should have seen it. Say what you will about Lockwood but does he know how to make an entrance!"

"Were you at the gala this year?"

She sighed for what must have been the fifth time that day. "No, Ted, I was not. You were at my farewell party, remember?"

"Tha' was for you?"

"Goodbye, Ted."

"Wait! You've seen the pictures, haven't you?"

"No, I haven't, because contrary to popular belief, I am not obsessed with evrything that goes on at Fittes."

"Well, we had a tiptop chocolate fountain this year. Didn't get clogged once and looked absolutely gorgeous. Anywho, I've recently stumbled upon this smashing business opportunity involving chocolate fountains - they're selling like hot cakes, I tell you! - and I'd love to spread the wealth."

"Theodore, you haven't joined another MLM, have you?"

"What is an MLM, other than an opportunity to invest in yourself?"

"Don't make me phone your mother."

The call ended rather abruptly after that. Only Lucy, as always, was an angel.

"I take it you've heard plenty about him?"

"Who? Oh, him. Yes, more than plenty."

"I thought you might. He has...quite the presence, so the papers wanted to interview him, and he agreed - "

" - obviously - "

"And I think they asked him about you at some point."

Her mouth dried. She struggled to find her voice, forcing it to stay casually disinterested. "Hm? What did he say?"

"Absolutely nothing. First and probably last time I've seen him stunned speechless. Naturally, it's all anyone can talk about."

"Mhm."

"He hasn't talked about you, if you're wondering. Sees it coming from a mile away every time George and I try to bring it up. It's so stupid; we know it, he knows it, and he's always in a foul mood. He keeps thinking, these days...Y/N?"

"I don't care."

"No one would blame you if you did."

"I don't."

"So how are you holding up?"

"Well, Luce, I felt happiness outside of external validation for the first time in...ever, then three months later I'm crying in my bathtub wishing I would die, and now I'm miles away from everyone I ever knew and it's always dark outside and I'm always miserable. I'm doing great."

She could hear the exhaustion in the crackling static of the telephone. It occurred to her that she wasn't much acting all that cheerful either.

"If it makes you feel any better, I think he half-expected to see you there."

She inhaled sharply and sat up in her armchair so fast she could feel a cramp curling in her neck. She didn't dare believe Lucy's words. "Really?" she wanted to breathe into the telephone, and revel in dormant delusions, if only for a moment. Instead, she gingerly sank back into the chair, continuing in a flat voice.

"Well, I don't care about any of that now. Oh, I'm sick of it. All of it. If I never hear his name again for as long as I live, it'll be still be too soon. How's George doing?"

After she hung up, she laid in her chair, watching the shadows from her shutters stretch and fold over her furniture as the sun set. She was thinking about the last party she had been to, a yacht party where some of Fittes' and Rotwell's biggest investors were in attendance. How Lockwood had managed to score an invite was beyond her, but what intrigued her more was the cab ride they shared back to Portland Row.

She had been half-dozing off when she felt a hand cover hers. As she blinked at him blearily, she noticed the rigid tension in his spine, as if poised and waiting for an attack. He was clutching her hand purposefully, as if holding off on warning her about something malevolent that was consuming him. She couldn't see his face, which began to feel no different from the cold, hard window pane it was peering out of.

She stirred, distantly unnerved by his impersonality. He glanced at her, apologetically retracting his hand with a sheepish smile. But that look of consternation remained on his face as he turned back to the window with a furrowed brow, with the air of waiting for something. He visibly relaxed as they approached Portland Row, but she couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling even by the time they reached the doorstep.

"You all right?" she was asking, while Lockwood fumbled with their keys.

"'Course. Why wouldn't I be?"

She didn't respond, and the two of them watched him wrench at the key in the lock, trying to steady his mildly trembling fingers.

"Key turns the other way."

He paused his efforts, and after a second or two turned the key the other way. The door slid open smoothly with a click. He held it open, but she just looked at him expectantly. He sighed.

"I'm fine, I promise. I just...get a little nervous around some parts of London."

"Which parts?"

"Some."

"Scared of what?"

"A few things."

"Why?"

"For fun. Look, I'm freezing out here. Can we just drop this?"

That was more than a mild exaggeration; the sun had only just set and the air was still pleasantly balmy. But he looked so beseechingly, and it didn't take much for her to relent when it came to Lockwood, so they stepped inside and shrugged their coats off in silence.

"I'll tell you some day. I'm sure I will."

That was some day too far away. Now she'll never know if, or why he ever felt like that. Or rather, she wouldn't know when he would feel like that. But it was no matter. It was none of her business then, and it was even less of her business now.

She had mostly forgotten about her conversation with Lucy by the following week, which was why her parcel came as a bit of a surprise, especially since she'd mentioned being swamped by a mountain of upcoming cases.

Y/N -

I was thinking about our call the other day. On a completely unrelated note, here's about every gossip rag from the past month I could find at Arif's.

Love, Lucy.

She was beginning to see what was so appealing about these magazines. As ruthless as they could be, they sure knew how to sell a pipe dream to common folk with less exciting lives. The gala was clearly as glitzy and glamorous as it was every year, and the articles held an air of intrigue now that she was quite separate from Fittes. But that quivering excitement became somewhat muffled as she flipped through the glossy pages.

The Anthony Lockwood she saw now looked worlds apart from the Lockwood she left behind. His well-fitting suit, megawatt smile and carefully styled hair made him look expensive in a way that destabilised her. She flipped through photograph after photograph of him looking jarringly luxurious besides walls of text effusing about the success of their latest case, and what an honour it must have been to be personally invited by Marissa Fittes herself. It weighed at the pit in her stomach to see this unfamiliar silhouette of a friend who was become increasingly unattainable, speeding along roads to prosperity faster than she could ever keep up with.

She sifted through the other rags. The most extensive feature was a few pages long, and was centered more on the exciting, up-and-coming agency that was Lockwood & Co. rather than a specific case. There were pictures from their most recent cases, and in each one he looked unnaturally distinct from the last, but in every single one he oozed an appealingly languid charisma. It was good to see him doing so well. She was happy for him. Or she would be, tomorrow, when she had the strength for it. Lockwood was unbearable in a way that made him perfect for a life in the public eye, a life for which she was somehow always deficient. She traced a too-long strand of hair flopped on his forehead in one of the photographs, as if she could magically straighten it out.

She could see him now, thumbing through the pages with an approving tilt to his head, limbs folded uncomfortably in the armchair he always insisted on sharing with her. "No such thing as bad press," he'd claim absent-mindedly, his too-long hair flopping impractically. And she'd watch him with bruised eyes like she always did, wishing for nothing more in that moment shared with him. In other words, wishing for nothing short of what she could never have.

Maybe it was some lingering wish to break herself before he beat her to it. Because that was all it was; dodging blows, lying through pretty teeth, racing ahead to pull one over on him, cursing the feel of his breath on her. There was simply no calm, no respite, only the all-consuming experience of becoming wrapped up in him and losing bits and pieces of herself which would never again be truly hers.

She picked up the telephone again. It felt too heavy in her hand. Numbly, she spun the dial as if on autopilot, keying in her mother's phone number. The dial tone comforted her in some twisted yet cathartic acknowledgement of the emptiness inside of her.

Looking at it now she could see the distinct air of mystery that engulfed Lockwood and clouded her vision. He was never quite fully present; a part of him was always tucked away to be kept secret in some dark corner, and her mind was only too happy to extrapolate, to construct this most desirable yet entirely mythical figment. She felt ragged, winded and worn from battling reality day after day, all alone. And most of all, she felt so very stupid.

Her mother was saying that she had made the right decision. Not that she needed any reminding. Of course her life had taken an upward swing ever since; she'd be a fool to think otherwise. She was positively paralysed with liberty, bedridden with joy, simply immobile with ecstasy!

She was slowly but surely going very insane. Now making eyes at each other, now disconnect, now love, now heartache, now this, now that, but never any peace. Maybe it was some lingering wish to shatter and let the pent up misery dissipate.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Months passed. The holiday season arrived, and she choked through the November blues with shivering bones and clammy hands. Even with the slight uptick in visitors, as was expected in the colder months, her life provided little to distract her from her own ghosts under the floorboards. So when she received a consultancy request from Fittes one morning, she had written back and mailed her response all while still holding the jam knife.

The train was crowded and noisy with the bustle of the holidays, but as it chugged along through the fields of snow, she couldn't help but perk up ever so slightly at every sigh and creak of its wheels. There was a spring in her step all the way to Fittes headquarters, where she was supposed to collect her apartment key.

A tall, indistinct figure was walking out of the revolving doors as she approached. She flinched when she realised who it was - Lockwood, who didn't seem much happier to see her either. He looked mostly well, though the corners of his mouth were a little strained, his face flushed in the cold.

"...Y/N?"

"Lockwood."

"You're...home?"

"Yeah. Um, how have you been?"

"Good...good. Busy. As busy as winter gets."

He was wearing a different coat. It was quite similar to his old one, but this one was thicker and more structured, and looked like it was at least somewhat effective in keeping the brisk winter wind out. He looked foreign and unfamiliar in a way he hadn't since...since the Investors Party.

It had taken her a while to pick his face out of the pretentious crowd, given how preoccupied she was with weaving through the thicket of people. It had taken her a eyes minute to adjust to the almost nauseatingly charismatic silhouette of an especially-chuffed Lockwood in a newly tailored but otherwise identical suit. She tried to give him a reproaching look, but there was something infectious in his smooth ease as he larked about in his prime which made her lips twitch despite herself as he waded through the crowds.

"You really shouldn't be here."

"You're clearly not drunk enough yet."

"How did you even get in? This is invitation-only."

"Had an invite, didn't I?"

She pursed her lips, shaking her head slightly. He was hopelessly incorrigible in an oddly fascinating way. Her voice dropped to a murmur as she felt herself begin to relent.

"I ought to...tell someone about you."

"That you're secretly in love with me?"

"That we have an illegal stowaway."

"You're not going to rat me out, are you?"

The pleading look on his face was enough to give her pause. She was already beginning to regret her decision, but he looked so vivacious it was difficult to stay disapproving for long.

"Excellent. Now, would you be so good as to point me in the direction of the bigger spenders?"

They spend the next few hours laughing and entertaining the many important men on the boat and their great deal of important thoughts. She'd excuse herself towards the end of every conversation to leave Lockwood and the glimmer in his eye to close a deal. For someone so adept at climbing the corporate ladder, she was surprisingly poor at fulfilling these adjacent duties.

She hated every second of it, and she drank as much as she could without raising eyebrows to make it all halfway palatable, but it was all worth it then. He had wanted to stay for as long as it would have been polite, so when they finally left, long after the media had made their rounds at the event, his jacket was folded over his left arm and his hand was delicately holding hers.

When she was stuck in her drafty cottage on the edge of nowhere, she'd think about the feel of his fingers curling around her palm more than it was appropriate, and wonder how she ever thought she was somehow better off here.

But that evening's sense of camraderie was long gone. Now, she regarded him coolly, holding him at arm's length. They may have had a rough falling out, but that didn't mean they couldn't still be friends. Just friends. Nothing more. But the vaguely intimate look in Lockwood's eye told her he was in no mood to entertain any kind of platonic notions.

"I didn't know you were back."

She relented. It was the season of giving, after all.

"Only for a while. Fittes hired me as a consultant for a few months."

He blinked at her. "You could have called."

"I didn't think you'd be interested."

"Of course I'd be interested. I'm always interested when it comes to you."

She sighed sharply. It was so easy to get swept up and believe him when he said things like that, that she wondered how she found the strength to leave. He was a bastard, a ne'er-do-well who only knew how to break her heart after promising sweet, simple luxuries in whispers over expanses of skin. She made her lips tremble, her pulse quicken, her heart shake in all the worst ways.

But underneath all that, love was there. Love was there...still.

"Ready to go?"

They turned in unison towards a strikingly beautiful girl with glossy raven curls walking out of the revolving doors. The girl's smile only slipped a fraction as she shook her hand, and she was distantly aware of making some kind of clumsy introduction. They stuttered through some stunted small talk, during which all she was aware of was the blood roaring in her ears that gave the whole scene a distantly muffled feel. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"Well, this was...lovely. Shall we go, then?"

The girl turned to leave, but some semblance of hesitation prevented her from pulling Lockwood along with her.. His face still had that same confused look.

"You could have called," he repeated tonelessly, like a broken record. The girl's presence made the back of her neck smart and prickle uncomfortably.

"I might, later."

"Bye. Nice meeting you."

"Nice meeting you too."

"We're home all day."

The last one was from Lockwood.

"Just...if you want to drop by. So that Luce and George don't have my head on a platter by supper."

"Goodbye, Lockwood."

He was captivating in a way that made her want to keep him all to herself. No one needed to intrude on this tantalising secret they shared. It was at that moment that she made the very unfortunate realisation that she didn't need to say it out loud to make what she had been screaming from the rooftops of her heart any more real - him and her would forever be unfinished business.

And nothing she could do could make the palpitations of her heart any less real either.

As the life she once dreamed of walked away from her, all she was acutely aware of was that it was a lingering wish, some half-thought dream, to sit opposite him in a chilly kitchen on blustery mornings, watching him drink his tea while she got drunk on him.

TAGLIST: @novelizt @avdiobliss @dangelnleif @mischivana @mitskiswift99 @houseoftwistedspirits

#lockwood & co #fanfiction #lockwood and co #lockwood and co netflix #anthony lockwood x reader #anthony lockwood x you #anthony lockwood imagine #fanfic #lockwood x y/n #taylor swift #1989 vault tracks #taylor swift 1989 #1989 tv #1989 #1989 taylor's version #now that we don't talk

[shwarmadillo]

LISTEN i know the focus of this week for the tumblr ted lasso community fans is the keely+colin+trent of it all, but I’m absolutely enraptured by ted’s mental health journey this season

i want to make a full post with everything so far but that will have to come later. for today it’s just: the ripping of the believe sign and the speech is SUCH a fundamental turning point for him. the moving away from external validation and fixes to the internal. the transition from blind positivity—the kind that comes from straight up refusing to see the negatives—to acknowledging the hurt and the pain and believing in hope anyway.

so much of this is tied up in the father/son dynamic w henry and ted and his father too. ted confronting the fact that his son is not perfect and has the capacity for harm. that maybe that isn’t a reflection on henry or his parenting or even on his own personality but jsut the truth… people cannot be happy all of the time. “if I’d just followed your advice, none of this would have happened” and that being something ted learned from HIS father… something ted is realizing might not be great advice to live by. that it’s not possible to never be angry or sad or hurting. that ignoring these things won’t make them go away.

the way that his thinking is changing!! it’s smth we see w the resurgence of the panic attacks and the way he deals with them also. moving away from just ignoring or distracting himself to push through. the repetitive reassurance that the people he loves more than anything are still here (he’s okay. he’s okay.) the way that reflects back on his own trauma and how accepting that is part of moving forward. “we all deserve to be loved, whether we’ve been hurt or hurt somebody else.” god. cannot wait to see where this goes from here

(and fyi next week’s episode is for sure named for the famous van gogh painting. the one he made to decorate a studio shared with friends, during a time in his life where he was not suffering but rather medicated and receiving support from people who loved him. one way or another this one’s gonna hurt)

#word vomit but I have so many feelings ab this silly little soccer show #ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso s3 #story time is boring time

[dennisboobs]

i genuinely wonder if people’s issue with Dennis “winning” at the end of DTAMHD might be influenced by Goes Bowling. like, if the order had been reversed or if they just saw the episode in a vacuum there wouldn’t be this want for Dennis to actually fail at lowering his blood pressure. which inherently assumes that Dennis breaking every bone in his hand doesn’t negate him “winning” but no one being there to see Dee actually win at bowling negates her achievement. which is a different but still important can of worms.

if anything, the lyrics of Listen To Your Heart make it more clear that the most fitting outcome of this episode is Dennis succeeding in lowering his blood pressure.

and in general i thoroughly enjoy when the gang “wins” and i hope small good things continue to be peppered in for them cuz it takes some of the weight off of the whole ‘they can never truly get better or make real progress because this is a sitcom with the premise of them being shitty people so that wouldn’t be funny’ or whatever. their “wins” lighten the existential dread that comes from seeing this group of friends get worse over the course of 18 years. Inspires hope even.

(sorry for just dropping this here i just figured you might have some better/additional thoughts on this than what i have)

I definitely agree, that's a huge part of it, I started seeing the complaint pop up frequently after bowling (which I think is a 10/10 episode lol) and it got worse after DTAMHD aired and personally I just. disagree. with the reasoning for both eps. I think people are overly sensitive about Dee not "winning" in that episode because it's very specifically tied to Dennis saying that women are inferior to men, which is fair, but I also don't think it's that deep. It feels like... extremely typical childish sibling rivalry to me. Just because Dennis' "villainy" is cranked up to 11 doesn't mean what he's actually doing is really....... that bad. I've done the same shit to my sibling, and they've done the same to me while bowling. The competition was never really about Dennis vs. Dee or men vs. women, it was about getting in Dee's head. Carrying on that same ribbing from when the twins were kids, but drenched in misogyny because Dennis is intentionally trying to discourage the ladies' team. I don't think Dee's accomplishment is negated because everyone left, it's a personal triumph, just like Dennis' in DTAMHD. She managed to succeed at something she had been unable to for decades, proved she was capable of breaking out of Den's mind games, which is also in-part due to her own lack of self confidence (fostered by Dennis and Barbara ofc), she just didn't care enough about that victory by the end for it to feel like one. Because it became about proving herself to Dennis instead of winning the actual game. Which is not unusual for the gang at all, The Gang Gets Invincible is a good example of the same exact thing happening. Dee does prove herself to be better than Mac and Dennis, but in the end it doesn't matter because as soon as she reveals she's a woman she shatters her fuckin' leg on that kick. No matter how far she gets by being genuinely good at something, she can't make it that last extra step because her focus turns to the wrong thing and it is ultimately what fucks her over. She is a legitimate threat to the guys in terms of skill, Dennis knows she's more than competent at bowling (hence the mind games employed by the guys' team instead of it being a fair competition, which they knew they couldn't manage), and she proved she was more physically capable than him at football too. like Gets Invincible she actually wins, it's just bittersweet, and it's not good enough for Dee. She proved herself, but external validation is what she was seeking, not that internal win where she knows she is capable of beating Den.

I absolutely 1000% think that mixing it up is important so that the show doesn't stagnate, become predictable, or you know. become plain unfunny because something is out of balance with the main cast, and I think DTAMHD aimed to fix Dennis' miserable ass that's been pulling down the show, especially because Glenn has mentioned he wants to play a happier Dennis (which is. good, actually, we very rarely see anything but straight man Dennis anymore, but we got a taste of it in Inflates BECAUSE I believe Den has been doing this emotional regulation trick across s16, and I don't think we would have been able to if not for that decision to have him actually "win" ie. change himself for the better). The gang's dynamic has shifted over time from being a group of jerks to a group of idiots with Dennis as their keeper, and I think the little changes in 16 were setting it up to shift that back to..... a group of jerks again. Like we all read in those early reviews that noticed the gang went a lot easier on Dee and didn't call her a bird five million times, that is one piece of it, Dennis trying not to explode in anger is another, Charlie showing he's actually quite competent is yet another, Mac not being a victim of Dennis but secretly the puppetmaster who has been playing dumb is another.

So yeah, I believe that the opposite of "the gang should be punished for doing something bad" should also be true. The gang should get to win because they Listened To Their Heart and made a positive change. They should get to have moments like the s15 finale, or King of the Rats where the gang does something nice and the episode just ends, there's no final gag, no twist, just us remembering why this group of weirdos is friends. But it doesn't need to be Carries a Corpse every time either. Dee can have a little win, Dennis can have a little win. They really aren't huge things, Den's is just heavily exaggerated because it was in his head, dramatized, and he accepted the small win wheras Dee did not.

#ask ada

[chaos0pikachu]

Time to Put On My Kinn Defender Hat

So I’m seeing a lot of people mad at Kinn for the punishment thing and what he said to Porsche later. And look, this is the type of drama I eat the fuck up because the root of their not communicating - not even miscommunication but purposely not communicating with the other - is external conflicts. 

In fiction theory there’s external and internal conflicts that the characters go through: 

An internal conflict is the struggle occurring within a character's mind. Things such as the character views for, but can't quite reach. As opposed to external conflict, in which a character is grappling some force of themself, such as wars or a chain-breaking off a bike, or not being able to get past a roadblock.

So, right now both Kinn and Porsche are going through internal conflicts, ie their emotions for each other and their memories of the night they spent together as brilliantly displayed in their parallel attempts at having sex with someone else but both being unable to due to that internal conflict. 

Kinn is also going through an external conflict throughout the episode which in turn, is forcing Porsche to also go through his external conflict. 

See, the episode makes a point of having Kinn be empathetic for most of the opening of the episode. Kinn asks Porsche repeatedly if he’s okay when they’re still at the hotel, he tells Porsche what happened in a sort of clinical way, assures Porsche his attacker didn’t do anything to him, and tells Porsche he can take the day off. When Porsche asks Kinn to leave him alone, he does. 

Later, Kinn also tells Porsche he can take a second day off if he needs to. This is all establishing that Kinn is trying to look out for Porsche’s health both physical and emotional as much as he can. 

Here’s the introduction of the external conflict, Boss Korn. We have to remember that Korn is not just Kinn, Kim, and Tankhun’s father, he is the patriarch of a mafia family. He isn’t just another overbearing dad, he holds soft power over his sons in a way that’s not a typical family dynamic. 

We can see this dynamic in how Korn firmly, but quietly, reprimands Kinn for referring to their chess match as “playing”. Something seemingly innocuous and yet, not at all in the world they live in. 

There is no “playing” in their world, because it exists on a delicate balance where one misstep, one mistake, or one failure can lead to the death within the family and/or the deaths of the men in their charge. This is a knife-edge death match. There’s no playing with people’s lives here, this is war. 

And Kinn’s actions spat in the face of that. He showed immaturity by prioritizing Porsche’s well-being. That’s what Korn is scolding him for here. It’s not just Porsche who matters, all the men and women working under them matter. Kinn is responsible for the lives of many, the entire board, and he’s trying to protect one piece. This is a subtle takedown of Kinn by Korn and it was pretty painful to feel the weight of what’s on Kinn’s shoulders at all times. 

What’s also interesting in this scene is Kinn tries to justify his actions to Korn, he validates that Porsche was drugged, he didn’t “fail”, he didn’t make a mistake, it was an attack on his person. 

But that - and this is important - does not matter to Korn. 

Chan follows up with: 

“Arm checked the footage. Porsche was drugged because he was to careless, sir.” 

Now obviously we, the audience, don’t agree with this because Porsche is our baby. Kinn doesn’t agree with this either, he goes as far as to say:

But Chan and Korn disagree. Porsche is a bodyguard for the mafia now. Mistakes like this aren’t so easily forgivable. 

And Kinn needs to know that. Korn is teaching Kinn a lesson here. This is war. At all times. And Kinn just failed a battle, a test. Something I suspect he’s done before which is why Korn is so firm with him here. 

Gleaning from context and what’s both said and not said, whoever betrayed Kinn didn’t just break his heart and trust in others, it also had consequences within the main family. It went beyond just Kinn’s heart and potentially cost the family more than it should have. Maybe the person who hurt him stole information, maybe someone or someones got killed, either way it make the family vulnerable, it make Kinn vulnerable. 

And that’s unacceptable in war. 

So why does Kinn punish Porsche? His father all but tells him too. Kinn specifically asks if Korn wants Kinn to punish Porsche and while Korn doesn’t give a yes or no answer, he explains to Kinn how the other people underneath Kinn, his soldiers, won’t respect him if they suspect Porsche is getting special treatment. 

I don’t even think it’s about Kinn and Porsche’s sexual relationship, so much as the dangers of their emotional relationship. And what a gut punch to Kinn that is. 

Kinn’s got trust issues out the booty hole, he’s isolated even from his own brothers. He can’t trust anyone, not even his closest bodyguards and the weight of being the family heir is a continuous internal conflict he bares alone. 

I think Kinn wants more than anything to choose Porsche, be near Porsche, but to allow himself that is weakness. It’s dangerous. Not just to himself, but to his family. 

So he pushes Porsche away, physically and emotionally. He follows his fathers unspoken order to punish Porsche even though he knows and believes Porsche doesn’t deserve it. He replaces Porsche with Ken to remove temptation and he tries to bury any lingering emotion in sex with another to prove Porsche isn’t special.

Which doesn’t work, it fails spectacularly! Porsche is special, which is why Kinn goes to seek him out selfishly or not, and apologizes. 

The external conflict Kinn and Porsche are in is their environment. Porsche is basically attempting to rewrite all the rules Kinn grew up in, ones that are still being pushed upon him. He challenges Kinn to do whatever he wants to him and Kinn is to weak to take the bait. 

How will their deal with this environment is what I want to know. Kinn will have to overcome his trust issues, and Porsche will have to fully embrace the mafia world. My current theory is they’ll change their environment together once they find a balance between themselves. 

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche spoilers #chaos elmo spoketh #whew this got long lmao

[fizzyxcustard]

Personal Post (and apologies)

I'm going to post some personal feelings and thoughts here, so if you're not interested in that, then please skip.

First off, I want to apologise to anyone I've offended. Now, you might be wondering why I'm starting off with that statement of apology. The truth is that I've had a very bad couple of years mentally, and I'm not using this as an excuse for any bad/negative behaviour, but more for you to maybe understand my thought patterns. I know that I've come off as toxic to some people; I stand up and admit to that. I have. My behaviour has no doubt been hard to deal with, and because of this, I've lost friends. And it's mainly to those people I wish to apologise. Whether they'll actually see this post or not, I don't know, but I hope they will. And that goes for anyone else that I may have upset without realising. This post is calling myself out.

A lot of my negative behaviour has come from very destructive thought patterns, which revolve around never feeling good enough and not fitting in. I play the comparison game constantly, and to the point that I sometimes dread coming online to Tumblr. Because I know my mind will begin to churn and tell me that I'm not a good enough person, I'm not funny enough, talented enough...just not good enough in any way at all. And it's because of this that I've pushed people away from me because of the fear of rejection through my own comparisons to other people. These thoughts have even affected the way I see myself with my family, so it's not just online friends. It's in almost everything I do.

I wouldn't normally post anything this personal on Facebook, but on Tumblr I feel that my anonymity helps me to remain a bit more shadowed from criticism and harsh words. I can only think of a couple of people from Tumblr who I've met in person.

So this post is me apologising to anyone I've ever hurt, been cold with, been standoffish with, been snappy with. Again, I know that this isn't an excuse for negative behaviour and toxicity, but I'm trying to change my ways. Whenever I feel that wave of anxiety rip through me because the negative comments in my brain are becoming so loud, I now take a step back to recalibrate. I'm consciously giving my rational mind more room to step in and take control. I'll admit that it's fucking hard, but I am trying with every last ounce of my being to become a better person.

For a while I considered leaving Tumblr, but that would mean stepping away from doing the very thing I love, which is writing and sharing with you. But the need for external validation to feed my ego and turn down the deafening volume of the negative voice was getting too much. My rational mind has had to take the reins again and fight to be heard over all the commotion of self doubt. For some time I've even developed people-pleasing ways which has later led to resentment, and again, negative outbursts.

I know I need to work on this cripplingly low self-esteem, build myself up and also be completely authentic and not people please. Don't get me wrong, I do try and be as generous and kind as I can, but sometimes it's wound up compromising my own state of mind, and I must try and work on this, too.

This post is me being open, raw and vulnerable. All I can do is apologise again, and whatever comes of this post, I will accept gladly.

I hope I can usher in a time of more confidence, more happiness, and maybe more friendships which are unburdened by my negativity.

If you've made it this far, well done, and thanks for coming to my TedTalk. :) <3

#personal post #fizzyxcustard #personal insight #anxiety #negativity #negative mind sets

[hyperlexichypatia]

Lukewarm take: I don't like the term "autistic masking," and I much prefer the term it largely replaced, "passing." My reasons are as follows:

The main argument, as I understand it, from shifting from "passing" to "masking" was that "passing" sounded too passive, and glossed over that there is active effort involved. I can see that point, but I don't think it's true -- in other contexts in which someone "passes" as something they're not (e.g. a queer person passing for straight), we know that there's a component of active effort and difficulty involved.

But if "passing" is too passive, "masking" goes too far in the other direction, making how someone is read by others seem like entirely a matter of personal choice and effort. It ignores that how people are read by others depends on a variety of external factors. Not everyone can just choose to "mask" -- not only because it's difficult, but also, because some people will not be read as non-autistic no matter what they do, because perceptions are determined by external factors as well as individual behaviors!

The term "masking" in reference to autism (and sometimes other neurodivergences/disabilities) took off around the same time as people started literally masking for COVID, making conversations really confusing.

It's become embedded in one of my berserk-button misconceptions, "Autism presents differently in girls" (no it doesn't) now becomes "Because girls mask more/better" (no they don't, and that makes no sense -- why would "girls" intrinsically have some greater ability to "mask" than "boys"?).

The framework of "passing" is a much better framework for explaining the phenomenon of "Autistic girls are less likely to be read as autistic by doctors/others than autistic boys are" -- it's not because autistic girls behave differently or have different autistic traits than autistic boys (and we know that autistic people are more likely to be trans/GNC than allistic people are, so the populations may not even be "girls" and "boys") ; it's that observers interpret the same traits differently based on the subjects' (perceived) gender, and are more likely to "pass" (off) those they perceive as "girls" as something other than autistic.

"Even when autistic people can successfully pretend to be non-autistic, well enough to be read as non-autistic, it's difficult and we shouldn't have to do it" is a perfectly true statement and valid point on its own. But this true, valid statement is emphasized over and above the fact that most autistic people cannot successfully pretend to be non-autistic well enough to be read as non-autistic. No matter how much they may "mask," most autistic people do not pass.

Now I'm seeing variations like "Autistic masking doesn't just mean pretending to be non-autistic, it can mean acting more autistic, or adopting any social role" -- that's having a persona. That's a different thing. Yes, the self is a social construct, but now we really don't have a term or framework for "Some autistic people, do to a combination of their own behavior and external circumstances, are at least sometimes read by outsiders as non-autistic, and some are not."

Bring back the term "passing" this year!

#actually autistic #language #autistic masking #neurodiversity

[utilitycaster]

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is the importance that mechanics and external factors have in understanding actual play, but how it's also really important to understand that the instant one leaves actual play as a medium, even if you are adapting the same story, you need to leave that behind.

I think the easiest example would be Scanlan's 9th level Counterspell. In the context of D&D 5e, we understand the following simply from the word "Nine": it is his highest spell slot; he only has one per day; and he has just expended an incredibly valuable and powerful resource that means he cannot use any spells that require it.

In an eventual adaptation, however, this is meaningless. That doesn't mean you can't depict something with a similar emotional weight and meaning; it's just that it will need to be portrayed differently (perhaps as an expendable scroll). The idea of "this is both very necessary to do and very powerful, and also is an immense trade-off" is what's important but the mechanics of it will necessarily fall away when you're no longer bound by mechanics. If you're adapting actual play or writing fic about it? You do need to have some degree of treating magic as a limited resource per day and staying true to broad abilities, but the idea of spell slots is "how can we provide limits to this storytelling system so that it is also a fun game" and the idea is that if you are looking at the story, and not the game, no one is saying "I have no more spell slots"; they're saying "I'm drained and need to rest before I can do more magic other than the most basic things."

(Note - this is fine in-game though. Like, yeah, ideally, no one would shout INSIGHT CHECK and would instead bring it up narratively but also...this is a dumb hill to die on, and I will die on a lot of hills. It is in fact fine while playing the game to acknowledge that you have spell slots and would like to make an investigation check instead of saying "I can do...some magic but not a lot, and I look more closely at the carvings on the wall.")

I think what also trips people up is that DMs in combat are limited by the rules of combat, but outside of combat, they really aren't. To give an example here, Ludinus casts a spell on Kadija that isn't clearly Feeblemind - she clearly has been reverted to the mindset of a young child or similar, but mechanically doesn't act as though she is INT 1, CHA 1. It has similar vibes but isn't quite the same.

This is totally fine and only the most stick-up-their ass pedant would fuss about it. It's a homebrew spell. It's a magical effect for a monster stat block. It is completely okay that it's not exactly a match for a spell that exists. The point is that it fits the broad logic of how magical effects work in the world (a targeted save that she fails; curable) and furthers the story. (Another example is Caleb's backstory re: Vergesson, or Veth being turned into a goblin; ultimately, it doesn't matter exactly what happened as long as we get the gist, because they both fit into, for lack of a better term, the vibe of the magic).

One last related thing is that metagaming in the sense of like, actively trying to twist the scenario to your advantage based on information you as a player know and your character would not is bad (eg: if you know a certain monster is vulnerable to a certain damage type but your character has never encountered it, and you use something extremely atypical for you to leverage this? not great); but I also think fear of metagaming kind of goes too far at times, and stepping back and remembering this is a narrative and not just a rule set helps here. To give an example here: Fearne and FCG hadn't met Caleb and Beau, but as eventually was actually discussed at the table, they still do know that Ludinus and Otohan = bad guys and so it's valid to say "hmmm, freeing their prisoners is like, not a bad idea if only for the chaos." Your character might not know the characters in-game, and they certainly don't know them out of game, but I think a lot of people overcorrect and you don't need to.

This is tbh another case in which I would recommend D&D Court from NADDPod, because they do handle a lot of metagaming-related cases where people are getting far too obsessive. The fact is there is a lot of metagaming happening anyway. If your players seem upset you stop even if the characters wouldn't likely be upset. The famous Sam Smorkel joke works specifically because, on some level, no normal person would speak to Sam Smorkel first, and your players are doing it because they have medium awareness. Metagaming is constant, perfect immersion is rare, and keep an eye out for it but usually metagaming that does cross the line is pretty egregious and the rest is overly concerned.

#long post #cr tag #i also have a separate thought on like. external factors a la ashley being absent and such #but honestly that shit isn't d&d specific and on some level when people are like SEEMS LIKE A COINCIDENCE #It's like. yes this is how fiction works. there are premises on which it rests that might seem far-fetched. can you understand this.

[innerchorus]

Arslan Senki Chapter 121

I was going to say that in that first panel, it looks like Jimsa selected a horse similar to the Turanian 'type' but actually I think his mount just looks small next to Shabrang! (I actually went back to look at Jimsa's horse in earlier chapters and in doing so I caught a minor mistake in Chapter 117, where his horse's mane is erroneously colored black in one panel)

Good horse content this chapter, anyway: I like that it's Jimsa (a Turanian, whose lifeblood is their horses even more so than Parsians) who rides in shouting for water for his horse. And how quick the men are to care for the horses that have been ridden so hard. (Seeing them pour water on Shabrang's legs instantly made me think of how racehorses are cooled down; it's worth remembering that this battle is taking place in sweltering heat and those horses have been worked extremely hard to the point that it's a valid concern to think that they might collapse from overheating. The way Jimsa's horse is breathing is definitely worrying. (If you're interested, there's an article here about preventing post-race collapse in racehorses that goes into more detail and sheds some light on precisely why they're right to be so concerned.)

The dialogue that accompanied wet Daryun is 👌 (when he says "To the ends of the earth, if that be your order" because doesn't that one line just embody Daryun's feelings?)

And GIEVE, holy shit. I admit I have never been his biggest fan, but his involvement in the defeat and death of Bodin hit the right spot.

"Even now, you squirm unknowingly on the palm of my hand like the mediocrity you are!" is going down as one of my favourite lines in the whole series, seriously.

Right on both counts. Also, lol at the face of the soldier in the middle who looks far more worried by Bodin's pursuit than Narsus or Gieve

Something I really liked with how this all turned out is that Arakawa didn't just add Bodin into the mix because it was a convenient place to kill him off, she also integrated his presence on the battlefield and the tactics used to deal with him into what happens to Guiscard.

(I've already shared my thoughts on Guiscard's survival prospects via reblog here, so consider those bullet points a lit candle for his prayer circle! The one counterpoint to the argument that he will survive is the fact that a key reason for allowing him to live is now no longer necessary; Bodin is gone so there's no need to try and pit them against each other.)

It's mentioned quite a few times in the novels that an enemy who has a good grasp of tactics etc is easier to predict that someone who is more of a wildcard. Narsus knows enough of Guiscard to feel confident in what his move will be here, despite never having met him!

On that note, I really cannot wait for Guiscard and Arslan to come face to face.

(Just thinking back to how stressed the Parsian soldiers look when Bodin is on their heels and you know, it makes a lot of sense. Though they know it's part of a plan, they're still relying on the actions of an external force in order to pull it off. Not everyone has Narsus's understanding of strategy, so perhaps they're concerned that Guiscard won't do as expected and instead Bodin's forces will catch them. Plus, although Narsus had time for a quick tactical talk, the situation was still quite fraught and needed a fast response so I doubt there was much time to go into great detail and reassure everyone.)

The moment I realised what was going to happen to Bodin and his army will stick with me for a long time. I knew I would enjoy seeing him meet his end, but I didn't expect the moment to feel so impactful. (That panel where he first looks at the rotting remains of the Parsian cavalry in the pit just keeps coming into my mind, even days after first reading this chapter.)

So thinking ahead to what we might see next chapter... obviously a resolution to whatever's going to happen with Guiscard. I can't see that being the entirety of the chapter, though, so what else might we see? I wonder whether we'll get a panel or two of a Team Zahhak reaction or some sort of... 'status update' I guess (this chapter did have that 'man who hears the voice of god' line to remind us of Team Zahhak's involvement with Bodin). Otherwise, I would dearly love to get a glimpse of what's going on in Ecbatana, where Team Hilmes are beginning to feel the pressure. Yes, it has 100% been too long since I have last seen Zandeh.

#arslan senki #the heroic legend of arslan #daryun #jimsa #guiscard #narsus #gieve #bodin #shabrang #phew this post is long #but it feels good to write out my thoughts on a chapter again!

[theonevoice]

Rumination n. 1 - Why we don’t need the coffee theory (or any other theory)

Disclaimer: this is, of course, my personal reading of Good Omens season 2; it’s mostly a way for me to cope with the heartbreak, and does not intend to deny the validity of any other interpretation that you may prefer.

As we all collectively trudge through the five stages of grief after Good Omens season 2 finale, many theories are coming to life to make sense of the protagonists’ breakup. One of the most shared is the so called “coffee theory”, which formulates the hypothesis that the Metatron could have spiked the infamous coffee with a brainwashing miracle in order to convince Aziraphale to follow him back to Heaven. An interesting variant of the same theory speculates instead that the coffee itself could be not spiked per se, but metaphorically spiked, so to speak, in that it functions as a “coded message" based on the name of Nina’s shop, Give me coffee or give me death. According to this variant theory, the Metatron (who was conveniently commenting on the name of the establishment just before the scene in question) has not put any miracle on the coffee, but is using the gesture of offering the coffee as a way to implicitly threaten Aziraphale: so when he offers the cup and asks him “Are you going to take it?”, the underlying message would be “I can give you this coffee or I can give you death” (death potentially meaning not just his death, but also – or rather – Crowley’s death, or Crowley’s existence removed from the Book of Life). Other theories propose that the two didn’t actually fight, but that either Aziraphale was lying to Crowley or both of them were staging a false fight because they have guessed that the Metatron is up to no good and they intend to thwart his plans. The one that I personally find the wildest even goes as far as imagining that the Metatron rewrote entire parts of the protagonists’ past, messing with the Book of Life (even if we are never told if this is how the Book works – meaning if it is a precise record of all history from which one could erase or modify individual bits, or rather it’s just an index that lists the existence of every living being) in order to bring them to the final point.

Now, I am all for fan theories, and I strongly believe that the capacity to inspire such intellectual and emotional involvement in a story is the ultimate demonstration of how amazingly well made (and how deeply loved) this show is, so I am not trying to bring down the effort of any fan who is proposing or supporting these theories. On the contrary, I wholeheartedly admire the unbelievable eye for details, the analytical skills, the time, and the genuine creativity that many fans are showing in formulating such theories. I just don’t think that we necessarily need them.

First, I find that putting a factor of external pressure on that ending would undermine the agency of both characters and the deep emotional construction of the scene. But mainly, I don’t think that the story, analysed from a strictly “narrative balance” point of view, needs a theory to explain how we get to the finale, which is, in my opinion, perfectly understandable as the resolution of a totally psychological and emotional struggle. That masterful confrontation in the bookshop is the surprising but inevitable culmination of a minor, yet lethal, misalignment of Crowley’s and Aziraphale’s positions. A misalignment that they never made the effort to correct, because they were too caught up in their respective fears. I believe that the Job minisode, especially the final dialogue, is already more than enough to set up the "cracks" that, centuries later, will bring about the ep 6 breakup. What does this dialogue show us?

On one side, the minisode shows us that Crowley is afraid of being alone in his “independent agent” chosen path: his very attempt to initially deny it, in the cellar scene, sounds to me as evidence that he is not comfortable with that scenario of complete loneliness (he’s not saying “yes, it is lonely, but who cares”). So, as soon as he spots Aziraphale’s hesitation, he immediately convinces himself (and tries to convince him) that he has found a companion that would share his “third party” option, and begins to refer to Aziraphale – sometimes indirectly, but always clearly, in my opinion – as a sort of twin figure: “That’s how it started for me” (reading as “after all, we are the same”), and “You are just an angel who goes along with Heaven as far as he can” (which is the exact label that he has previously used to describe himself). His deepest fear is to be alone and his deepest need is to find someone “like him” who would turn his lonely “my own side” into a shared “our side”, as we’ve seen him long for since season 1. This led him to ignore the main struggle that consumes Aziraphale for the entire length of their relationship, which is his fear of facing his feelings, and by refusing to acknowledge this fear (which would undermine his need to convince himself that they are just the same in every respect) he opens a first subtle crack in their relationship.

On the other side, the minisode shows us also that Aziraphale is scared to death of loosing his angelic identity and not knowing what he is anymore. He is afraid that stepping away from Heaven would leave him without a well-defined moral framework and he would be overwhelmed by the uncertainty of the world, falling into a radical, utter existential crisis (in that respect, I personally find his characterization deeply human and as close to a universal feeling as a piece of fiction can go). This means that, as he realizes his affection for Crowley, he panics, because what would it mean for an angel to love someone who is “not good”? It would force him to question not just his allegiance to Heaven but his very identity, or at least the specific kind of clear and unambiguous identity that he needs to hold on to. A need confirmed by the many occasions in which, despite his fleeting conversion to "shades of grey", we see him consistently tied to his black-and-white mentality (from the very initial "We are hereditary enemies" to the last "Obviously you said no to Hell, you're the bad guys!"). So, in order to protect his heavenly self, he resorts to just denying Crowley’s identity instead: repeatedly telling him (almost as if he's trying to talk his wish into existence) that he is “a good person”, that he is still an angel who has only temporarily strolled away from the “right path”, waiting to be brought back to Heaven with the help of an undisputed angelic influence. This led him to take Crowley for granted (notice the "I knew you would come through for me, you always do", and the even more telling “Rescuing me makes him so happy”), and opens a parallel and equally dangerous crack in their relationship. His feelings for Crowley are a point of absolute internal conflict for him, and he reacts with fear and withdrawal every time that he feels their pull getting stronger, like during the conversation on the bandstand (by the way, known spot for proposal in Battersea Park, which means that Crowley unusually calling him there and asking him to “go off together” was quite literally a “will you marry me” moment). His “You go too fast for me, Crowley” perfectly represents this struggle, but further proofs of it are everywhere in his lines, in both seasons: think of “There is no our side. […] I don’t even like you!”, or “That’s what friends do”, or the reaction to Gabriel’s allusion of being comforted by the presence of someone special (“I have no idea what that feels like”), which, being pronounced in a scene where Crowley is not present, sounds to me as evidence that Aziraphale is not just acting shy specifically in front of him, but is in fact in full denial of their relationship.

This selective blindness of each other’s deepest needs and fears is, to me, perfectly sufficient to set up the finale without the need to have the Metatron pulling some unfathomable trick on them. Especially if we consider that season 2 is full of moments that bring up the pressure on this dangerously weak point of their situation.

The apparently minor and funny detail that Crowley has lost his flat to Shax and is living in the Bentley, for example, as much of a gag as it is, is also a throwback to the moment in season 1 where he had offered Aziraphale to stay at his place after the bookshop burned down, and Aziraphale had refused on the account of “his side not liking it very much”. I was surprised, at first, that Aziraphale would let him live in a car for – as I understand – a few years (!), but thinking back on that season 1 moment, the fact that they both let this happen is actually totally in line with what has been established: whether they didn’t talk about it and pretended that it wasn’t happening, or they joked about it in their classic not-serious way and then just left the conversation hanging, it’s a manifestation of the underlying tension that stops Aziraphale from committing and pushes Crowley in a place of sadness and grumpy uncertainty (where we find him in the first episode of season 2). On top of this, we have plenty of exacerbating factors building up. Nina making Crowley realize that his connection to Aziraphale is in fact love, and then her and Maggie’s final advice in the bookshop, push him to go even “faster” than ever before and ignoring how scary that would make Aziraphale. Aziraphale setting up the ball and then basically falling into his own emotional trap, and then witnessing the bravery (from his point of view) of Gabriel’s and Beelzebub's choice to leave everything behind and go off together, brings him on the verge of finally admitting his feelings, which is great but is also a point of extreme psychological exertion for him, that makes him vulnerable to the first “win-win option” who appears to literally drop from the sky and save him from this impasse.

In fact, I am inclined to believe that the timely appearance of the Metatron proves that Aziraphale was about to reach a conclusion that Heaven would not have liked, and that the Metatron himself was spying on the situation and decided to step in at the worst possible moment to take maximum advantage of his state of emotional confusion. Let’s add to all of this the fact that neither of the two has any “emotional education”, to quote Flaubert, and knows how to express feelings: they rely on popular romantic fiction to articulate their love, and the writing of the Nina-Maggie storyline is a very clear message about how unreliable these oversimplified scenarios are in real life.

(I feel the moral and academic obligation to note that Jane Austen’s plots are not oversimplified in any possible way, but, considering how he summarises them, I am under the impression that Aziraphale doesn’t really get the subtleties of her writing.)

That’s why, all considered, I don’t think that we need the coffee theory, or any other theory, to explain what happened. Because what happened is fully explained by what we have seen Crowley and Aziraphale do over the centuries, and by what season 2 explicitly tells us about how complicated love is.

Crowley and Aziraphale undoubtedly love each other very much, painfully even, but that is not enough to establish a mature relationship if you never make the effort to check both your and the other person’s deepest issues, to grow and learn how to process them, and to “say what you are really thinking”.

#good omens #good omens 2 spoilers #go 2 speculation #good omens thoughts #good omens theory

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

Someone is trying to accuse you of drama because your plagiarist deactivated

Are they? Eh, good for them, I guess.

I didn't actually know my plagiarist deactivated. Sucks that they would rather delete than apologise, but it is what it is. Still would be fine having a conversation with them if they'd just express remorse for this wild goose chase they prolonged for months and months, bringing all sorts into it as a means of dodging culpability. For some reason, there's a small group of people who think that because my story has a decent following, I have a moral obligation to let others steal from me without addressing it. I've done what I can to minimise fallout from my initial upset reaction, and all I can say is I've learned that there are those who will always have a problem with me, no matter what I do. Oh, well. Weird hill to die on. I still don't want anyone to find my plagiarist or send her hate - no shitty internet conduct is worth death threats, for fuck sake. Same goes for the person/people apparently accusing me of drama (even though it's been done with and left unaddressed since like, October last year?), nonnie.

Plagiarism is weirdly rampant in this community, but at the same time it's also been misattributed a fair few times. People often confuse plagiarism with trope swiping, something that is annoying but not quite intellectual or creative dishonesty. It's definitely a shitty thing to do, but it's incredibly hard to prove without some kind of obviously stepped-out DM in which the accused promised not to write something similar and THEN proceeded to do so. Plagiarism has to be direct, so it's important that the accuser has tangible proof of this. You obviously need more than just one or two examples of it happening. But it also doesn't have to be an entire fic's worth to be considered plagiarism, something else I don't think is understood easily. As someone who works and studies in academic circles, I'm pretty up on plagiarism and where the lines are drawn, so I find it fairly easy to identify the nuance there.

I think people need to be careful to solicit external advice before making accusations, as well as compile irrefutable proof that the accusation holds weight before doing so; the burden is on the accuser, not the accused. The danger of existing in an echo chamber is that sometimes, people will blindly support your accusation based on existing biases rather than actual evidence. I was lucky to have a wider circle of people who have validated my concerns in both cases I was plagiarised, and I made sure to seek their opinion BEFORE making efforts to address.

This got weirdly long, but it's just my thoughts based on what I've seen in the fandom so far. I think we as a fandom need to be supportive when plagiarism can be and is proven, while at the same time ensuring that we are not involving ourselves in a plagiarism dispute if it does not strictly concern us. I also think we need to be more honest with each other about whether or not the conduct we are seeing truly is plagiarism, or if we are seeing other examples of unkind behaviour that are too easily confused with our understanding of 'stealing'.

IDK. Thanks for providing me a platform to speak on this, at least, nonnie!

#plagiarism #hotd fandom #house of the dragon fandom #hotd writing community #hotd writers

[lady-lostmind]

20 questions for fic writers

thank you @emryses for tagging me!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

12.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

240,148

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I've only written Stranger Things so far.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Steve Harrington. Are you kidding me? Temptation Heat, Beats Like a Drum. Happy Valentine's Day, Big Boy. This is the coin I had in my pocket the first time we kissed and I always have it. And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I try to at least reply with something so people know I saw their comment and appreciate it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm a happy ending girlie, honestly. (I also have a lot of WIPs so they don't have an ending yet.)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

As far as actually finished fics goes, probably Steve Harrington Are you kidding me.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten a few comments here and there that weren't the nicest or could have probably been left off. But mostly I've gotten good feedback.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! I always convince myself it's not very good but it's fun to write! And I really just write whatever fits the story? I don't think I really have anything I particularly favor.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have not. I don't usually read crossovers either.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, I haven't!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No I haven't but I am in awe of people who can do that. That seems so difficult to me.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I think Steddie is always going to be top dog for me, honestly. I've read fics for such a long time but Steddie is the first that got to me enough that I actually started creating things for it as well. And the brainrot is still going strong.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I honestly plan on finishing all my abandoned WIPs at this time!! I guess if I had to pick it would probably be Coin just because it's the one I've struggled the most with. But I'm hoping to come back to it still!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Oh man. That's a tough one. I think...character voice. I think I do a pretty good job of grasping a character and sticking as closely to what feels most like them at least, in my mind.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Honestly I think just my own confidence and need for external validation. I wish I could just write for myself and enjoy it regardless of how well something does. I also just really struggle with writing in longer bits. I tend to write in little snippets and pieces ad it takes so long to get anywhere that way.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't think I would ever try. I don't speak any other language and trying to master the nuance of speaking in one while relying on like...google translate just doesn't sound like it would go well.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Stranger Things! Steddie was my first dive into writing fanfic at all.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I am so incredibly proud of And You May Find Yourself. I stepped outside my comfort zone a lot for this fic all the way from the themes to just actually reaching out and being more a part of the Steddie community. I've made some great friends through the process and have signed up to be a part of way more than I originally planned on when I decided to so the Steddie Big Bang. I still have two chapters to write for this one and although I'm really looking forward to it finally being done I'll absolutely miss the version of these characters I created for this go around. I hope people love them as much as I do.

zero pressure tags: @oh-stars, @karadanverss, @rindecision, @lihhelsing, @starryeyedjanai, @azrielgreen, @eddywoww, @lexirosewrites, @thefreakandthehair, @thorniest-rose

#fanfic #fanfic authors #steddie #lady lostmind

[degloved]

18, 20, 22, 24 <3

thank you for sending these on your own volition bc i definitely didn't ask you to. or anything. (+ you think you're being slick with the numbers but i see you with my own two eyes)

this one goes under 'read more' it's kinda long ngl.

18. what was the hardest fic to title?

ok so that's an interesting question and i've got two candidates. they were both drabble reqs (checks out, as those had me stepping far out of my comfort zone a lot as far as ships went. also i'm still taking them btw.) one is 500 and the other 1500 words respectively, so i'll give this honor to the longer of the two: falling like ninepins, the hoffheight fic. it's a cute little number, though i stressed over it a fair bit.

20. share your favorite ending line

believe it or not, this was a little challenging! mostly because i love ending things on short, choppy, punchy notes. two-to-four-line sentences that both satiate my penchant for dramatics and wrap everything up neatly and abruptly. that said, one work stood out to me. a short little thing i put together during an emotional mandy moment. the line is as follows: They buried Amanda Young at the Hoffman family plot. Wasn’t that nice?

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene

picking up rocks off the ground and chewing them and swallowing. i've been waiting for this moment. chapter five of blood, drying: ruby. “You know, Dr Lecter,” Will slowly leaned forward in his seat, clasping his hands together and interlacing his own fingers. Hannibal’s eyes bore into his, but Will didn’t waver; he didn’t know what he was trying to accomplish. Truthfully, he was only making himself increasingly uncomfortable and antsy—and his stare most certainly did not have the desired effect on Hannibal, who persisted in his ambivalence to Will’s efforts. “You’ve always had a penchant for… peppering thinly-veiled digs and carefully constructed verbal parries throughout conversations. I wonder that this doesn’t count as rude in your book.” Hannibal had the gall to chuckle. “Are you calling me rude, Will?” Will tilted his head, a mirroring and a mockery, as though taking his turn to assess the other. “Do you think you’re not?” A beat. “What fate would you have me suffer for it?” “You invite retribution?” “I do so hope borrowing from your own vocabulary is acceptable,” Hannibal leaned back once more, at ease when he shouldn’t be (when Will didn’t want him to be), “Not retribution, no. Merely tit for tat.” Will’s lips stretched into a sneer, all derision. “Tit for tat? Well, then, your fate would seem crystal clear to me.”

24. what's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

feel like a dummy saying this, but i don't think so??? in a technical sense, perhaps—the amount of writing i can get done in one sitting, the amount of writing i can get down on some abysmally little sleep, the way my motivation can shoot up with one little comment and—on the flip side—the way i can find myself so enthralled by my own concept that external motivation/validation is the last thing on my mind. but plot-wise and such (as this question seems to imply), no!

[ask game]

#ask game #ask

[warningsine]

Inside of you there are two wolves and one of them is probably a watered-down version of Misty Quigley: a bit awkward and longing to be liked. Those au fait with Yellowjackets, the most buzzed-about show of 2022 so far, know that this is true, even if you don't want to admit it.

An easy way to describe Yellowjackets is as a gender-swapped Lord of the Flies, but this wouldn't quite sum it up. Yellowjackets is an exploration of teenhood and womanhood, and what trauma does to those who suffer it; how they rebound and rebuild, or don't, doesn't define them but rather sets the framework of their lives.

In some ways, for Misty (played as a teen by Sammi Hanratty and as an adult by Christina Ricci) getting stranded in the wilderness on the way to soccer nationals was a dream come true. She wasn't lost in the background anymore, but rather her skills made her invaluable to her teammates as they struggled to survive.

Of course, Misty makes some, err, bad choices and we don't condone them, but neither does show demonise them. In fact, as the show wears on each character becomes more nuanced, and Misty's arc is subversive of a teen trope.

The show, told through dual narratives of the teens' time in the mysterious forest and their adult selves, doesn't give Misty a 'glow-up'. As an adult, she is still awkward and nerdy, her obsession with true crime goes beyond quirky and into kind of scary territory (though useful when her friends need to get rid of a body), and she inserts herself where she doesn't belong, presuming a deeper friendship with her fellow Yellowjackets than maybe she has.

All of this could make her, well, pathetic and easily despised. Misty is desperate for attention – as a teenager from her coach Ben, and as an adult from her friends – and will do basically anything to get it.

It's her desperation that makes her a seemingly easy target. But in the exact moment when you think she's been duped, she proves you wrong.

We learn that the 'journalist' trying to get all the Yellowjackets to spill their stories is actually a 'fixer' hired by Taissa herself to see if any of her teammates might ruin her campaign for Congress. Misty, sensing there's more to the journalist than meets the eye, kidnaps her.

The fixer Jessica (Rekha Sharma) is as shrewd as they come, and she knows exactly what will get Misty to release her: showering her with praise. Jessica charms Misty, promising her a book deal, a movie deal and all the attention and love that comes with the spotlight.

It is the precise ploy that should have worked, but Yellowjackets is cleverer than that. Instead, Misty proves herself to be strong and self-assured, no longer in need of external validation to know that she has a role to play in the story.

Okay, yes, killing Jessica with fentanyl-laced cigarettes is objectively a Bad Thing, but the point still stands. The show doesn't limit Misty to her role of annoying hanger-on, desperate for intimacy in the same way that it gives all of its leading women dimension.

And let's not forget that Yellowjackets' MVP Shauna also killed someone, and we're pretty sure Taissa decapitated a dog. None of these women is 'good' by any normal moral standard, but instead they operate within the morals that they learned from their shared experience.

Misty might be the most obviously 'weird' of the group, but she ends her season one arc as a good friend. Her first Very Bad Decision – to destroy the plane's black box and therefore remain valuable to her teammates – is on the complete opposite end of the spectrum from her also Very Bad Decision to kill Jessica, because this time she does it not out of desperation, but because she knows that she is valuable, and acts from that place of self-assuredness.

The bulk of the season finale Misty spends with her girlfriends. She has fun and is welcomed into the fold in the way that she had always wanted, and this time she's needed and wanted not out of necessity or desperation but because of who she is and what she brings to the group dynamic (no black-box-smashing needed), and that is the kind of 'glow-up' we can get behind.

This is all helped, of course, by Ricci's nuanced and dynamic performance, which winds sadness and strength together with ease and is as captivating as it is bananas.

#this is old but eh who cares? misty is even more nuanced this season #yellowjackets #misty quigley

[fff777]

thinking about seho and jaemsung and how they're similar but also very much not. the similarities are that junmyeon and jaemin are almost overbearingly caring towards sehun and jisung respectively. but that's about it.

the way junmyeon cares for sehun, it sometimes feels like it's for junmyeon's benefit. he's such a little ball of anxiety and insecurity. i know he can be confident but there's a part of him that really likes external validation. caring for sehun seems to reassure him of himself, seems to almost be self-soothing.

on the other hand, i see jaemin as a far more confident person. unbothered king. he rarely ever does anything other than because he wants to. jaemin cares for jisung because when they first met, jisung really needed it. he's always hovering there as jisung's safety net, even in the most recent 7llin' with dream where he watched over jisung as he tried to work on the campfire. but jaemin's care for jisung is not self-reassurance as it is for junmyeon. it's due to jaemin liking jisung and wanting jisung to feel comforted.

sehun thrives in being babied. even at this age he insists that he's baby and he's been treated that way by the whole group, and continues to use his maknae status for his own benefit. despite junmyeon being cringe, sehun is pretty receptive to junmyeon's care, and i think that goes back to how the seho relationship is a bit more for junmyeon's benefit. sehun knows that junmyeon needs to do this and he lets him. sehun also enjoys the attention, but he understands that he's the only person junmyeon feels comfortable showing this squishy side to.

on the other hand, despite jisung being receptive to babying, he also wants to grow out of it. notably he doesn't like doing cutesy stuff anymore though he's been bullied into doing gyu again lmfao. but during hot sauce promotions, jisung said that he's been on the receiving end of so much babying that he's become numb to it, he wants to be the caring one. and he does that a lot. chenle says that jisung is constantly nagging him. in 7llin' with dream, we heard how jisung was constantly nagging renjun about cleaning up and such. jaemin's care was a safety net, so that jisung could grow up to be the version of himself that he wanted to be. and that involves him showing care to others and not just being the one who receives care.

side note about jensung. i don't 'love to use parental terms but i do see nomin as jisung's parents somewhat. mark is the leader and the dreamies definitely love each other very much, but nomin have always paid special attention to jisung. jeno isn't quite so affectionate, but the other members very much pick up on how jeno gives special treatment and attention to jisung. jeno tries to give jisung shit, but like jaemin, he acts as a safety net when he sees that jisung needs it. again to reference 7llin', jeno offered to go out to cook with jisung because he knew that jisung was panicked about that. contrast that with donghyuck who wanted jisung to try on his own. i think jeno wants to see jisung as a friend and as an equal, but there's the softhearted part of him that will always watch out for those parts of jisung that need help.

#thinking out loud #exo headcanons #sehun & suho #nct headcanons #jaemin & jisung #jeno & jisung