#find someone better

[cocklesanddestiel]

...

#i'm not okay #I hate myself so much #i don't think ill ever be able to forgive myself for what I did #im sorry for hurting you #sometimes i wanna walk away from you so you can heal #find someone better #im just shit

[pbnmj]

also by the way i am always obsessed with how spider-people just click and can work together without anything being said in spiderverse . mcu spiderman being like "omg ive never worked in a team” “how are we going to work together” “well im on a team so i’ll lead us" like that was the most boring way to do it . spiderverse instead saying "we just know how to work together because our histories and lives are so linked, its like knowing someone your whole life. seeing the self in the other. our lives rhyme.” LIKE I LOVE YOU GUYS

#also that familiarity and trust being broken is what adds tension. thats so good #seeing someone as family and miles finding out that they never warned him about his dad dying #like thats way better than a fight going badly because three versions of peter couldnt click #because uhhh (checks notes) tobey and andrew werent on the avengers #get real. start loving spiderman. cmon. #atsv #atsv spoilers #spiderman

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[egophiliac]

Wait, did you put a photo of Vil and Neige as kids in Eric’s office??

oh good, I was afraid that wasn't going to read properly and people would just be like "what is this supposed to be". :') but yeah! I like to think Eric was pretty fond of Neige as a kid! single dad sees orphan child approximately the same age as his own son and goes "hmm. okay, you guys are going to be friends now." (this did not go as well as he'd hoped.)

(also I do love how it's kind of a running joke that everyone loves Neige except for Vil, who's standing over in the corner and just seething with furious irrational hatred. someday maybe he'll find someone who doesn't think Neige is the best thing since cinnamon rolls.)

#art #twisted wonderland #vil: am i massively projecting my own hangups and insecurities onto someone who i would otherwise find only mildly annoying #vil: no it must be neige who is wrong #idk i just like neige a lot! he's sweet and i find him fascinating honestly #there's ONE offhanded comment about how oh yeah he's been orphaned since a young age and just never talks about it #he lives with a bunch of dwarves and cooks and cleans for them and this has been going on since he was like eight #like. hello?! #there's a whole backstory here that we're never going to get more than this single crumb of and frankly that makes it better #man if i had a nickel for every fandom about fairytale characters in high school #where i instantly fell in love with the snow white character #i'd have two nickels et cetera you know the rest

[mmollymercury]

Please post about palestine and gaza. Not posting at all when you have the option to, IS selfish. "I don't want to post, it doesn't go with my blog, it makes me sad, I'm scared of losing followers" people are DYING. People are dying and don't have the luxury to make choices like you do, seemingly simple choices like whether you should post something or not.

#save palestine #free palestine #free gaza #palestine #gaza #donate to palestine #donate to gaza #i know money is hard for a lot of people but talking about it and sharing fundraisers helps #someone may find a fundraiser because YOU shared it and their donation may change someones like for the better #stop being selfish #stop being a coward

[entamewitchlulu]

once i was in a creative writing class in college, and in a bit of humor i wrote the line:

"Um," I said, eloquently.

And my teacher was so adamant that I had to remove it because "um is not an eloquent word, so it makes no sense" and i was like my brother in christ it's called Irony

#she was so so adamant about it like. #ma'am. #specifically i did it that way because i wanted to express the fact that the character felt particularly foolish #like their brain being all like 'oh nice job what an eloquent way of putting it dumbass' #but without writing all that out ya know. #but no it was 'wrong' and it had to be removed :/ #creative writing courses have never done a damn thing for me tbh #i know there has got to be a better way to teach it so that it doesn't quash someone's creativity #but i have yet to find one that does so #people are so weird about writing as an art compared to other visual arts :/ #lulu talks

[goldengirlgalaxy]

An Assassin Child and His Ghost Sword

For whatever reason, Danny has become a magical sword and been thrown through time and space, eventually landing in a completely different world far in the past.

In all honesty, being a magic sword isn't the worst thing ever, to the point he's basically using it as an extended vacation. Whenever he's alone he sleeps, whenever he has a wielder, he gives them advice and extra abilities and the like. If he gets bored in one area, he's able to move himself to another.

However, Danny ended up screwing up somewhere down the line. See, he has the ability to only work for those who are 'worthy' (basically a catch all term for the people Danny likes or can at the very least be civil with). If someone 'unworthy' picks him up, he'll curse them.

Unfortunately, after a long string of unworthy people, everyone now believes Danny is solely a cursed blade, his ability to bless others forgotten when he finally goes down in the history books.

Then when Danny finally come to the modern age, he ends up being found by one Damian Al Ghul.

Damian is all by himself for one reason or another (running from the League, disagreement with the Bats, etc.) when he finds Danny. And frankly, what kid wouldn't want a magical, talking sword that grants incredible powers, especially when you've been trained in how to actually wield them. He doesn't really have a plan, so he decides to just travel around trying to find a place he belongs.

Danny likes the kid and decides to look after him since he's all by himself. He helps the kid travel around the world, teaches him how the world works, helps him with any moral issues that being raised by assassins brings, etc.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world is wondering who this small, wandering child with the sword is.

#dp x dc #dpxdc #dc x dp #dp x dc prompt #magic sword #I got this idea while looking at an isekai #Damian becomes a wandering swordsman who helps protect those who need it #If this is a case of him leaving the Bats they are scrambling to find Damian #Anyone who learns Danny is 'cursed' believe Danny is manipulating Damian to corrupt him #He's actually giving him a better moral compass and is a good source of support for the kid #What Danny's 'curses' were was anything mild like making a person trip at inconvenient times to straight up murder #That one was for someone who killed a wielder he liked

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art. #It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off. #Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways! #There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough' #only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize - #-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*) #And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans. #The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement. #I really can't describe how grateful I am. #Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out. #Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house. #But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants. #I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry. #Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.

[inkskinned]

it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.

i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.

it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.

#warm up #writeblr #i spent a lot of time picturing our future #how funny to think: in each version of our future #i was never myself #i was someone smarter kinder braver #better adept. #who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me #i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me #people usually talk about how we picture people as being “fixable”. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you. #it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy #the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself: #if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay. #for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing. #and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made #it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'. #a few days ago while i was doing something else #i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized . #you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly. #you said: you're doing this to manipulate me. #you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO #SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me. #i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness #you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.

[atalana]

so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with

but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."

#i dunno i've been thinking about grief lately #and i think the nature of humanity is everyone's grieving something #it might not always be as straightforward as the death of a loved one - sometimes it is #but sometimes you're grieving a life you never got to live #the person you used to be #hell an old toy you just realised you lost years ago and are never going to get back #we're all just a little bit sad all the time #and i think looking at the world like that makes it a lot more friendly place #because everyone is someone who needs a bit of comfort - or just someone to say hey its okay to be sad and angry and confused #and when you're finally ready to let whatever you're grieving go the world will be a happier place #and you'll find a new thing to grieve because there's always something to be a little bit sad about #but the world keeps getting better for every one you get through and every friend who helps you through it #and sometimes you just need to throw a dumb joke in there at the end #that's what it means to be human #the good place #tgp

[deadpoets]

GILMORE GIRLS 02.21 | Lorelai's Graduation Day 06.08 | Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out

#literatiedit #gilmoregirlsedit #literati #rory x jess #gilmore girls #*mine #*mygifs #he knows her better than anyone else ! ! ! #also it was lowkey hard to like find a good part of this conversation to gif so i decided on this bit #bc when he actually says this isn't you his back was to the camera #also if someone has made this comparison already #do not look at me

[unknowndiamond123]

fuck. my. husband. literally just fuck right off.

my husband JUST now realized that he forgot to do his laundry, because I took out the dried towels. he put his clothes in literally during my lunch time, 12:30ish, and it is now 10:24pm. 

he doesn’t get it but this is LITERALLY WHY i don’t trust him or rely on him to do anything for me. i ask him to do anything, like dishes or folding or heck even laundry when i put it in at night and i know FOR SURE that he’ll be up, and he either forgets or he procrastinates to do things until he sees me around and he then begins to do things. he just completely forget about what i ask him to do and it just makes me feel worthless and like i just have to do things myself around the house and basically our life.

it’s because his addiction to video games is COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS!!!!! he can play from morning to night, for days on end, even when he gets straight home from work. all he ever does in play video games. 

i swear i have never had him come straight home and been like hi honey, and gets started on chores or something that he could be working on like the house or the lawn or SOMETHING!!!!! i swear it’s always something i have to do in the end because i’m the only one who fucking pays attention to detail to literally anything at all. 

it pisses me the fuck off and most of the time i just want to smash everything to pieces. hell, even HANGING OUT WITH ME makes it seem like a chore to him. 

it’s like every time i have to remind him that i exist and i get my “one special hour of my time” and then he’s like okay i’m done and he goes back to doing video games. 

literally fuck video games. and fuck any fucking gamer in a relationship. we all know that nothing matter more than your fucking gaming and fucking getting the best high score or being the best at your stupid game.

#fuck gamers #gamer husbands/boyfriends are literally the worst thing on this planet #anyone want to trade husbands???? #bc literally fuck him to the ends of time #ranting #marriage is a waste of my time #he's a waste of my time #why didn't i break up with him while we were still dating #fuck him i want a divorce #i want to divorce so badly #find someone better #wasting my time

[littlepinksapphire]

“Shadowheart is so racist!” Idk man, her racism is pretty mild considering she was raised and brainwashed by an evil cult. And she gets over it. She learns. Also, she just specifically hates Lae’zel.

When I played as a Githyanki she was suspicious of me for a day or two. Then she told me that though she was skeptical of me at first, I’m actually pretty cool and she’s glad to be traveling with me. This is all well before she settled her differences with Lae’zel. And of course she doesn’t like Lae’zel at first. Lae’zel is a mirror of blind faith shining back at her in the form of an alien being she was specifically taught to fear.

Meanwhile Astarion is out here mouthing off about the Gur and gnomes and never seems to learn better by the end of the game. But I don’t see people bring that up the same way they bring up Shadowheart.

It really doesn’t surprise me that a women who’s whole life (at least what she can remember of it) has been driven by fear so she could easily do Shar’s bidding would turn out racist. Of course Shar would want to dehumanize the very people she sent Shadowheart to steal from. Caring about their lives would compromise the mission.

Some of you treat video game characters the way you would treat real people and it’s kinda weird. Hardline first impressions, blocking and avoiding people the moment they do anything problematic, etc. This is your opportunity to safely learn about and empathize with people you might not normally and I think its a shame if your instinct is to go “Lae’zel was mean so I killed her” or “Astarion’s an evil little shit, so I turned him in.”

Shadowheart is a wonderful example of what blind faith in a religious organization can do to a person, and that includes her racism. Which, again, she grows out of from interacting with people (including gith) outside of her cult. That’s how it works in the real world too, you guys.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #Shadowheart #I saw someone say they don’t care to find out if her story gets better down the line and I’m just like why are you playing this game then? #god forbid a character be nuanced and flawed

[cupofmilkyway]

Nobody gave me any species swap requests so I gave myself one and drew my Joe design!!!

I always pictured him as an avian but I decided to spice it up a bit with the Beetlejuice aesthetic:D

#someone pls tell me if it's ok to tag his username or if he doesn't wanna see this kinda fanart #Sorry for the anatomically incorrect wings I promise I can do better I was just in a not-wing-zone #Swap requests are still open btw:) #How to tag this so the Joe himself doesn't find it...... #Hermit species swap #??? #hermitcraft #hermitblr #Joe #lmao just Joe. #beetlejhost #Avian Joe Hills #Alek draws

[canisalbus]

You mentioned before that the people who would have access to Machete's bedchamber would likely already know about Vasco. How did that come up in your mind? Did they get caught in the act or was the subject broached with enough trust? How did those people handle it? Sorry if this is a bit vague but I thought about it today and I'm very interested. :)

I think it just has to be the case, I can't imagine how they could manage to hide the fact Vasco is bunking with him from everyone, for years and years. Machete doesn't live alone, he has staff and servants who do his housekeeping and run his errands. Even if Vasco didn't stay there for any extended periods of time and snuck out the back door to avoid attention, I'm assuming at least the people who do his laundry and change his sheets would eventually detect that some sort of funny business had happened. But the number of people who are in on it is still very very small and tightly controlled. His assistant Vittorio definitely knows and helps to manage this situation, so does his personal doctor, and on top of that maybe a handful of most trusted high-ranking emplyees, which he has vetted extremely carefully and pays handsomely for their discreetness and prudence.

#or something along those lines surely there has to be a way for this to work people have had secret affairs since the beginning of time #if you hire someone #or more likely promote someone you know who has worked for you for years and has proven to be trustworthy and unlikely to betray you #and there's a very high risk that that person will find out your secrets it's better to bring them to their attention yourself #in a controlled setting ahead of time #instead of waiting to see if/when you're caught and not knowing how they will react #right? #and his private quarters are indeed private you don't go snooping in there without a good reason and an official permission #answered #anonymous #Vaschete lore #Vasco hanging around there often probably isn't an immediate red flag it's a big house and people can have friends and guests #plus at the time it was generally more common and accepted for two men to be close friends and openly attached to each other platonically #it's sunday morning and I'm awake trying to piece together the practical logistics of #maintaining an undercover long term relationship between two 16th century statesmen

[hellenhighwater]

Have you taken any pottery classes or were you entirely self taught? I REALLY want to get into it but classes are quite expensive

I took some sculpting in undergrad, but it was in the context of casting and mold-making, not ceramics. So I'm fairly comfortable with clay as a medium but not so much with clay as an end product--not being able to do armatures and having to think about firing is weird. (If I had the opportunity to do bronze casting again, though, I would, no hesitation.) That puts me in the minority of my current pottery peers, who are largely self-taught or only learned in our studio.

I do pottery now at a co-op studio space, and technically that means that I'm taking classes there--but the classes are more like guided lab time? There's not really assignments or anything, and there's only a couple other people who sculpt, none of whom are in my class. Mostly the class just means that the person in charge demonstrates a technique or two once a week and then lets us do our thing.

Personally I think that shared studio space is the absolute best way to go. You spend less in startup costs (kilns are EXPENSIVE, running kilns is expensive, glaze is expensive) and it plugs you directly in to a group of fellow artists who can help and support you at whatever skill level you're at. Yes, classes are expensive--my class is $250 per season. But for me that includes lab space, 50 lbs of clay per season, almost all of the glaze I use, kiln time, and other people doing all the maintenance and kiln loading/unloading etc. Very much money well spent.

Artist-run shared spaces are often not turning a profit on anything with studio fees, just covering operations costs, so while it's pricey, it generally is just...what it costs to do that hobby. And it is sooooo much easier to be motivated when you're going to what is, basically, Grown-Up Art Club.

But if costs are prohibitive for you to do pottery via classes, and you want to learn to sculpt, then get some polymer clay and see what you can do. It's a different game than actual clay, but form is form, and the medium is secondary to figuring out how to translate an idea into reality.

Polymer clay is relatively affordable and doesn't require nearly the infrastructure of ceramics. If you can't spend the money on classes or a shared studio, then polymer clay is a great way to develop technique and an eye so that when you're in a position to spend the money, you already have the skills to make it worth what you're spending.

#most people who have home pottery studios are either in a position to easily afford that #or are selling their work at a caliber to justify the expenses of making the studio space #which is not what will happen when you are starting out. #pottery is far and away my most expensive hobby and that means #that when it's done #the Minotaur series is going to get sold #probably for as much as I think i can get for it #and probably that means I am going to have to Find A Gallery and Submit Work To Gallery and be #in short #in hell. i have not had to think about doing gallery submissions in so long #and i am dreading it. #anyway if anyone knows a gallery in like. michigan or chicago and can hook me up #i have some sad cows that need homes #i kind of want to keep my sad cow mans forever but also where would i even put them? better to be treasured by someone else #and maybe i will make one extra sad cow. for me.