#for a few moments I can believe it is

[shadowed-yet-vibrant]

I hate the pain of not knowing the truth. The pain of getting a text that says "I love you" and automatically reading more into the empty space behind those words - "I love you, but terms and conditions may apply." They've voiced their opinion on others like me, they've voiced it loud and clear. I know what they believe. Is the fact that I am their child enough to change their mind? Is that alone enough to make that love persist, even if I tell the truth of my being? If I transform to the thing they loathe, if I do so before their very eyes, will they still embrace me with open arms?

I'll only know if I take that first step and confess. But I don't think I'm ready, not yet. I'll keep taking each "I love you" like a knife in my heart, because god, I still need those words. Please.

#lgbtq #just closeted things amiright #I am in my mid twenties and each year of lying to myself and others gets harder #this morning my mom texted me #it said 'I love you to the moon and back forever and ever' #but the 'you' in that text is a stranger #it's not really me #for a few moments I can believe it is #before reality comes crashing back down #I need that love and I need that support and I need it from my mom! #but I need to live my truth #we'll see which prevails in the end

[bonefall]

I personally like Thunder's prosthetic. Explained it to my friend (who does use a mobility device, a cane and wheelchair, and listens to me rant and infodump about BB) and they agreed, it's important to know that not every person needs what someone wants to give them. It's another example of "bad ableist person does a thing that hurts a disabled person because they are bad and ableist".

Clear Sky got Jagged Peak killed and would have killed Sunlit Frost! He would absolutely force his disabled son to be "normal" and present it like a privilege. "I wouldn't do this for anyone else, it's special, why don't you want to be helped?"

Thunder Storm should toss it in Clear Sky's face. (I would say toss it into the river but we do not pollute waterways in this house)

Thank you for telling me this, and tell your friend I'm thanking them too! If they have anything else to add please forward what they have to say

Since BB!DOTC tackles some of the heaviest topics in the entire series because its canon equivalent is so dark, I think very carefully about what I do here and how I show it. I take feedback on its sensitive aspects very seriously. If I'm understanding the criticism properly, it's that I should avoid stigmatizing prosthetics by making sure Thunder Storm's not the only one with it-- which he's not! And I'll add even more.

I don't want to avoid something only because it's uncomfortable if the topic is important, and my portrayal is respectful. Ableism IS uncomfortable! There are some situations where a prosthetic is not wanted! I think the rejection of this particular one is both a good opportunity to show a type of ableism and ALSO is very fitting for the characters.

In BB!Clear Sky's mind, the villain, he's fixing an old mistake. He can't admit that he got Jagged Peak killed or take REAL accountability for it (though he will, occasionally, apologize insincerely), but deep in his bones, he knows what he did was cruel. He'll never tell anyone this because he doesn't really cognate it himself, but Thunder Storm NEEDS to take his gift.

If Thunder doesn't take it, it blows a hole in his newest story. You see, throwing Jagged Peak out was All That Could Have Been Done back then. It was a Tragedy and he simply Made A Hard Choice. He regrets it very much, But You Have To Understand.

But now? Now? Well, behold. Look at what he's accomplished since the tragic death of his little brother. His cats are well-fed, cared for, and stable enough to make such incredible advancements. If only Jagged Peak had been able to hold on longer, if only he could be here now, I could fix him.

Just like I can (MAKE YOU JUST LIKE ME) fix you.

"Everything I've ever done is for Jagged Peak. For Fluttering Wing. For you." Thunder Sky is SPECIAL, but if he rejects any gift, tries to turn down the "privileges" offered to him, in an instant that becomes ungratefulness and arrogance. He both forces him to be special, and then leverages it against him if it's rejected. "Spoiled brat, doesn't appreciate what I've worked so hard to give him."

It all goes back to him and his own guilt. He can NEVER be wrong. He can't accept his family doesn't have to be "normal" or reflect his own ability. He won't see himself as a bully, let alone a murderer. It was never about his son's comfort or finding out what Thunder Storm wants or needs, it was about his own ego.

...All that said I'm still taking feedback if there's anything else I should keep in mind, or if anyone has a counter point, especially if you also have experience here.

(In the interest of having a link trail for posterity, here's the critique/call for feedback this is in response to)

#ALSO also I will take suggestions on other characters who should have prosthetics #Sunlit makes sense and it will make a really nice character moment later for him to have one built #There's also an amputee in RiverClan few people talk about called Stonestream #I can give him one and bump him up into a bigger character. In BB he is the sibling of Willowshine #BB!DOTC #better bones au #Also just as a side note... I love writing BB!Skystar. My ire for the character comes from his redemption arc so I feel like I get to-- #--write the character I WANTED to see #Same with Bramble in other BB arcs #cw ableism #tw ableism #ableism #They're fascinating in that they always have to see themselves as the victim or the hero #They believe every lie they tell. #If you ever catch them in a contradiction they will still try to find some way to turn it on you and YOUR lack of understanding. #Interestingly both of them are ableist. Sky's is just more obvious because he's LOUDLY bigoted. #But BB!Bramble is *notably* less close to Jay for a very sad and very subtle reason. #Jay just doesn't serve his ego like the others do until much later in his life. #unfortunately most bigotry is like that. #the type you have a hard time calling out because it's a deniable bias. the constant gaslighting of being part of a marginalized group #Maybe I need to address the criticism by adding a character with a prosthetic to THIS arc even earlier #Problem is that like... Thunder's small merc group is already full of disabled characters and their THING is forming in response to ableism #OH maybe I'll put someone in the Forest Cat group which is lead by Slash? #I need to finish that last book and then gather up all the cats for sorting into allegiances

[introspectivememories]

high school timber is all about repression!!!

it's about bernard desperately trying to prove to himself and his parents that he's straight!! because his parents already don't like him and he cannot be gay. not now not ever!!!! so he puts up this front of a ladies man and he picks a girl he cant ever get together with and maybe he kisses like 3/4 of the female population at grieves and gains a reputation but hey! at least he's not gay! but he's so caught up in making sure his eyes don't to stick too long on tyrone's face or michael-from-biology's eyes or kabir-from-study-hall's thick thighs that even his attraction to women is under a filter. and it's not that he doesn't like women, he does! very much so!! but it's that he's soo caught on not being perceived as gay that he cant show his attraction to women the way he'd like to. it's all under this filter of what he thinks Real Men who are attracted to women act like so it's this brash, loud, crass, thing and it's not him at all. it's "ooh tim, ms. winters is soooo hot!" or "hey kayla, why don't you and i get to know each other a little better, if you know what i mean?" or "god her tits are soo big. she's so fucking hot!" and all this other shit when he really means, "tim, why the fuck does your stepmom have such a pretty smile?" or "kayla, you said you liked yugioh? i'd love to hear more about it!" or "god fuck, that girl has such pretty hands. i think if i held them i'd combust." but none of that is how a Real Man likes women so he shuts that shit down before it even has a chance to come up. it's fine, he's fine. so what if no one ever holds him like he holds those girls? it's fine. he'll take the manwhore label and the fuckboy title and he'll give out as many kisses as those girls want and if sometimes when he's kissing a girl he wonders what it'd be like to sit on kabir's thighs or if tyrone's lips really are as soft as they look, that's just the devil speaking. and if sometimes when he walks back into the cafeteria at lunch, lipstick still smudged on the corner of his mouth, after making out with a girl and his eyes skirt over tim's lithe body and he wonders what it'd be like to draw out the same sounds he's heard girls make when he kisses them, or what it'd be like to brush his thumb over tim's hands, or what it'd be like to hold tim or press a kiss to his shoulder, or a million and one other things, well that'll just have to be another one his secrets.

and it's about tim who's in a relationship with stephanie and his dad knows he's robin and he doesn't have time to figure out why his mouth goes dry when the light hits bernard's hair just right. he's too busy trying to figure out a way back to his nightlife. and so what if bernard has pretty pink lips that look very plush? so what if he's looked at some of his teammates and thought they were handsome? he's not blind!!! he has a girlfriend! and he loves her! and so what if his hand brushes bear's during fourth-period bio? so what if the tingles last all day? it was just some static! and it doesn't matter that when bear laughs his eyes get squinty and they water over -- cause bear always laughs so hard he almost cries -- and it sounds like bells. and it doesn't even matter, that sometimes when bernard walks back into the lunchroom, 10 minutes before the bell rings, lipstick smeared across the corner of his mouth, lips tilted up in the most charming smirk he's ever seen, that his chest fills with jealousy. it doesn't matter that his hands clench into fists so hard that his nails leave crescents marks all day. it doesn't matter that he wants to be bear's flavor of the day, week, month, whatever. he wants to leave the lipstick marks!! he wants to know if bear really is as good as he hears the girls speak about!!! he wants to know "that thing bernard does with his tongue!" is! he wants to drape himself over bear the same way he sees those girls do! he wants to know what bear's hands feel like gripping his waist. he wants, wants, wants!!! but it doesn't matter. it doesn't. he's got a girlfriend, her name is stephanie, she's gorgeous and, most importantly he loves her. he's too busy for bernard anyway.

#oh my god #what is this #but in all honesty #hs!timber really is all about the repression #they both have so much going in their lives at that moment that they do Not have time to explore bisexuality #bear falls first (into bisexuality) & tim falls harder (into bisexuality) #meaning bear attends a few gsa meetings/reads a few pamphlets/comes out to a few friends and slowly settles into being bi #meanwhile tim wakes up one night in a cold sweat stumbles to the bathroom and thinks to himself 'oh my god i like dick too' #and this isn't to say that tim was cheating on steph emotionally! it's just sometimes he looks at bear and.... wonders #bear on the other hand.... that man was halfway in love with tim during hs and i truly believe that #darla gets a text one night from tim and all it says is 'did you notice that bear put on pink lipgloss today?' #and darla immediately texts back 'is this why you wont go out with me?' #and tim instantly realizes how gay that initial text sounded #anyway tim seething over bear's new girl of the week while bear is doing everything he can to not read into tim's arm around his shoulder #also #demisexual!tim truthers rise!!!!! #anyway #dc #bernard dowd #tim drake #timber #timbern

[avspol]

moodboard for gay losers

#whatever. selection of some of my favourite avpol images #i willlll do a few more things for avpol april but im in coursework hell at the moment so heres this for now #can you believe middle right is a real screenshot. well it is #avpol #izzy.txt

[yeonban]

I might be ~quirky~ for this (welcome to my twisted mind and etc) but I genuinely have so much fun with shipping nowadays, ever since I chose to be singleship for each muse. I feel like my adhd has never allowed me to pour even half as much care and attention into a ship as I'd have loved to when I had multiple ones at the same time per muse, so being able to focus on a single romantic dynamic per muse really feels like a weight off my shoulders

#* ooc. / posts. #I also know my adhd is all over the place so at times I may go a few months w/o bringing that specific muse (and thus ship) up #(unless you approach me in dms; in which case my mind typically instantly goes !!! on the muse & ship) #so I'm INCREDIBLY touched whenever my ship partners agree to be singleship w me. It's truly such an honor and blessing to me #and I feel like it's much easier for my muse to get very attached when their romantic attention only goes to a single person; #so you can best believe that from the moment we start shipping your portrayal will ALWAYS. and I mean /ALWAYS/ be intertwined with mine #doesn't matter if you drop the muse or leave tumblr or stop writing altogether. your muse will Always be my muse's special someone #I've had tons of ships where my partner disappeared off the face of the earth one day and yet all I've done was change 'singleship' #to 'noship' bc my muse's heart to this day (several irl years later) continues to be with their portrayal; REFUSING to look at anyone else #Granted this is also why I'm so picky with shipping; in the sense that I let my muse lead the way til they fall in love #and only THEN do I ask the mun if they're fine w our muses being a thing (and thus being singleship w me) #I used to say yes to people just asking to ship and while I know that's a neat option too; I simply. Cannot do that these days ADGHSAJDSDK #nothing against anyone nor against that route; but I've had a good share of ships that crumbled or made me lose muse bc my muse wasn't #feeling the ship. so I'm no longer going ahead unless the muse falls first and makes ME start shipping it rather than the other way around #and that decision has unironically made me feel so light and comfortable here AHDSAJDSKDJ #AH NEY WAYZ!! I need to be sedated bc why am I awake at 11 am. I HAVE NOT SLEPT.

[the-lark-ascending69]

> be a robin buckley fan

> be lesbian

> project on robin

> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic

> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve

#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!'' #i have several grips about that interpretation #going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply) #to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take #a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his #inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect #him to be that smart #but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way #it fine #what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao #who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3) #3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too #like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's #rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc #the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭 #also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw #unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it) #like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her. #she's his friend. #but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones #where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭 #anti steddie #not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone #edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel #drowned in st3ddie posts #like something isn't right here

[hawkhills]

talk to me about profound, formative events in adulthood impacting people's settled daemons. are their shapes set in stone? would a strong enough experience manage to cause a crack in their settled shape? is there such a thing as daemon dysphoria? do our daemons define us, or do we define them?

#his dark materials #daemons #like ok i know daemon settlement is related to dust and adulthood or whatever #but they reflect peoples souls and the kind of people they are #AND THAT CAN CHANGE #our souls can be broken or elevated at any time of our lives #we can experience things so profound and of such incredible importance that i truly believe a person can be changed at their core #at any moment of their life #i was thinking about recently when i took an mbti test for fun for the first time since i was 20 #so arguably an adult and would have had a long set daemon by hdm standards #mbti as most other personality tests widely available on the internet are bullshit but still #a few years back it consistently would give me infp and i definitelt related to that #now its enjf and yea. i grew and changed a lot over these years and the defining qualities do seem to fit #so that made think about my own daemon again and while before an african civet seemed the perfect fit now i found im a gray wolf #[using the daemonpage forum for reference btw; their analyses are superb] #anyways yea #this just led me to think about how constricting the concept of settled daemons is #people change over their whole life #sometimes the most defining changes dont happen during adolescence. sometimes we 'grow up' more than once #what happens then #granted i have not read everything pullman ever wrote so i might be wrong #but i dont think this has been ever properly explored #i want to talk about this so bad

[pochapal]

tomorrow i will have been reading umineko for one whole year

#:) #still can't believe i ended up reading at a 1 chapter a month pace #i never even intended to liveblog umineko in the first place lmao #which you can tell because the first few posts are just like 'i'm gonna start umineko' #'hey maria is a really good character and is correct about everything btw' #'battler jessica and maria are the only bitches on rokkenjima i trust and care about' #'i'm going insane what do you mean there are chapters just dedicated to failsibling drama arguments' #and then i started note taking and then after the rose garden scene i fully lost my mind #funny skimming over the 1-6 thoughtdump and seeing less than 2000 words of bullet points lmao #i love how the first couple posts of my liveblog so perfectly capture the exact moments of my descent into derangement #iirc someone sent an ask like 'you should definitely try keeping notes when reading umineko and share some theories every now and then' #not knowing that i'd already started my ridiculously meticulous note document and that this pushed me to go all in on my thoughts #although i'm gonna be honest i think *the* moment my brain broke with umineko was that 1-7 scene with kanon #literally all of this is because i Paid Attention to the fucked up servant dynamics and had the most unhinged brainblast known to man #funny to look back and reminisce on all this now lmao

[mommytimmy]

what do you mean people can make posts on the internet without knowing anything about what they're talking about? 🤯

#this is not vaguing . my brain just cannot let go of that post #that post about adding pause options in games for accessibility (valid and correct) #and then mentioning soulslike games #i dont know about other souls like because i don't play them #but DS/dark souls/bloodborne at least #have the stable ground feature that functions as a live save system #its a strategy to quit out of the game to reset enemy positions (TO MAKE THE GAME EASIER BTW) #and it doenst make you lose any progress #and quitting out requires so few buttons you can do it in a split second when u need a moment #it only really resets bosses (which is a feature not a bug) #and sekiro HAS a pause function afaik--because its fully single player + the stable ground feature #the greatest problem of the fromsoft-souls francise is gamers treating is as gamer cred for its difficulty #when the real appeal is the unique narrative and the fact that you can fine tune your own difficulty experience with different routes #routes-mechanics-and weapons #THATS the reason challenge runs are so big in those games--but what challenge runs don't tell you is that #you can choose to make your game harder #but you have the same control to make it easier #exactly as you want it. not just by changing HP scaling and damage as is the standard- but by changing the game experience itself #and theymay not be games for everyone. but no game is ever for everyone #but in terms of actual accessibility i believe fromsosft games ARE accessible because of their simple controls that can be easily bound int #easily bound into any controller might suit the player's needs best #while offering an experience that is exactly as challenging as the player chooses

[rebelwithoutabroom]

Azure

Dnf || 10k+ (1/3 chapters) || E rated || co-written with @twirlybumblevee

Soulmate/College AU where George doesn't really… do soulmates and he is completely fine with that. Enter Dream, artist and dork extraordinaire, who manages to charm his way into George’s heart and make him question everything he thought he knew about himself.

#new fic!! #dnf fanfic #they're soulmates and idiots god bless #can you believe we started writing this like... more than a year ago #i still remember the cat beanie moment at twitchcon and us going omg!!! we gotta include that!!! #we still have a few more in the ~vault but I'm soo happy we're able to finally publish some of them :)))) #taizi writes #dnf

[salsa-di-pomodoro]

I just had the absolute worst idea for a submas au.

WARNING LONG POST I DONT KNOW HOW TO USE READ MORE

Like. Ingo disappears, as usual. But people think Emmet killed him because of someone spreading misinformation that is taken as truth (no it's not volo i don't believe in evil volo. He's not immortal in this otherwise he would have come forward).

Emmet gets taken to prison while waiting for a trial and he has a rough time there for the little time hes in (i can't bring myself to leave him there for too long) because prison wouldn't be kind to a man like Emmet (autistic). But that's not even the main angst.

So unova is basically Pokémon America, right? I don't know about new York, or even how it works, but... There's death row in America isn't there?

Whatt if Emmet ended up on death row over false accusations? (HE DOES NOT DIE, I CAN'T HANDLE THAT.)

Ingo comes home with some of his memories on the day of his execution. He remembers Emmet, a little bit, and he's excited to see him again. He reappears at the station, and the depot agents are ecstatic to see him, before they remember what day it is and they realize Ingo has no idea. The very second Ingo realizes Emmet's in danger he starts sprinting across nimbasa towards the direction they pointed him in, hoping he isn't too late.

People who are gathered in front of the building, to say goodbye to Emmet, to protest, or even to get a good scoop, they see him coming and move to clear the way.

The security guards can't really do anything but yell at him when he climbs over the gate, there's too many people to shoot (tranquilizers. Pokémon police is only a little bit better ive decided) safely.

Ingo's coat becomes even more of a rag than it already is after that, but he doesn't really care. Be needs to find his brother.

Meanwhile Emmet is talking to his family for what he believes to be the last time. He is, understandably, a wreck. He's gone non-verbal, they took his clothes from him an the ones he's wearing now have a horrible texture and he's obviously inconsolable. Drayden and Iris (and Elesa, if friends are allowed in) don't say anything either. They know it wasn't him, that he could never do that but they couldn't prove it. How do you reassure someone who's going to die for no reason? There's still the matter of missing Ingo, too.

When an officer says their time is up he wordlessly gets up to follow her as his family is herded out of the room. Iris starts crying and he feels nothing but dread and grief.

Suddendly, they hear a door bursting open at the end of the hall, and yelling. And then someone tackles Emmet with enough force to break him out of the officer's grip, and then they've dragged him to the other end of the room, far away from anyone else, and then his vision is covered by a familiar, albeit tattered coat, and then several Pokémon burst out of their pokeballs to protect them, and then he finally, finally lets himself realize who tackled him, because despite how they're clearly out of breath they shout, at a volume he hasn't heard in years:

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HIM!!!"

Emmet looks up to his savior. "...Ingo?" When did he start crying? It doesn't matter. Ingo is here now and everything will be alright again.

#tagging this one ig #submas au #submas angst #? #warden ingo #subway boss emmet #Elesa #barely lol #please be nice this is the first time i share something i 'wrote' #this isnt how i would write tho this was in the heat of the moment #shortly after all this Emmet asks Ingo if he believes Emmet could really murder him #Ingo says he's furious the thought crossed anyone's head #even more so since it got this bad #Ingo will have nightmares about being late now #they both have ptsd oof #they go to sinnoh after everything is over #they cant stand to be in nimbasa for a while #and they take a vacation so ingo can show emmet where he's been even if it was hundreds of years in the past #and emmet helps ingo readjust to being in cities somewhere where it's easier and more familiar than nimbasa would be #Ingo is still missing a lot of memories so Drayden Iris and Elesa and anyone who wants to see them really comes visit for a few days #every once in a while #also akari/rei visit too #still trying to decide if lady sneasler is there #by the way Ingo broke several laws in his rush to get to Emmet #they use the money Emmet gets as reparation for the trouble he was given as bail money for ingo lol #and also to go on vacation #or maybe they call in a favor with Cynthia? #who knows #sorry if this is all over the place i started writing at 2 am #then i fell asleep and then i had just woken up and my mind was sluggish and then i had to go eat so

[lemongogo]

ahyways hi . liteally hey .whats up

#ive liteally been doing nothing . except for a jigsaw puzzle n then my brain like exploded thtree times over until i finished it #watche a few mahito clips perchance .. #i acrually watched fhe first four eps of kny swordsmith season can u believe it #i ACTUALLY . sory .my very first kny hater moment . SHOCKKQ. JAWDROPP #i dont think it needs to be as long as it is . 4 eps in n i was like yawn.. THEY R DRAGGING ITT ONWNNNNN #probably my least favorite season or like .. installment .movie included #not the actual storyline i LLAUUVRRREE the kotetsu muichirou tanjirou genya mitsuri development #ESPP HANTENGU AND GYOKKOOOOO #but idk . so mny points in the episodes where u can tell they r kinda stalling for time to meet the requirement #like i wouldve been fine w a smaller season two had uzui cour taken the majority and then swordsmith take like . 6 or smth and then go into #the sun conquering finale from swordsmith #anwyays . ANWYAYAYSSSTTT #ive also been kind telling myself tht i want to #maybe potentially possibly apply for a con in a couple of months from now #but ONLY IFFF I CAN MAKE ENOUGG STUFF BY THEN . as a test . bc if i dont have like .. artworks 2 be converted in2 posters then nvm all of t #that #AWUUGG AUUGGG .but i rly want this so T__T mayve i can plan things out and it will feel easier #i guess ill just have to see if i have the time 2 even do it T__T #sry i just saw so many cool any/c posts i ws like I WANT TO DO THT SOOO BADD

[elisedonut]

sudden itch to write a rare pair fic thats not Percy related

but like

the last time I did that it ended up becoming my top fic and lead to me deciding that you know... actually I hate that ship just out of spite so i'm not sure how good of an idea it is

maybe if i try like femslash or something super super rare with side characters or something

#using tumblr as a diary again #like is it healthy to feel that way? #no it's probably not but knowing that hasn't made the feeling go away in the months sense i posted it lol #like multiple people have asked for more for it but I'm ngl I'm likely never touching that ship again much less the fic itself #like if i even did decide to it would probably just be Percy and Viktor meeting #the whole reason it even became the ship it did was because I couldn't figure out how to write Viktor #But i don't think that's what people mean when they say they want more of it but maybe id be less annoyed if I did add a Percy/Viktor chapt #I feel like this is what those people mean when they talk about posting art you put your all into vs a doodle #because while i spent a hell of a long time procrastinating writing it i was never like actually happy with it #I just kinda wrote and posted it because I was running out of time and wanted to be done with it #which I think is part of why I find it annoying that it has like double the kudo's of everything else but it makes sense that it does #like it's a garbage fic yeah but its the main character and a fan favorite so ofc its going to get more attention #especially in comparison to the niche nonsense I make that I like more #will I ever delete it No I'm fire believer in not deleting things I've made because ive learned in my life i always regret it so #I just have to get better at writing so I can knock it off its horse >:) #or just keep adding extra chapters to Raspberry Muffin until it surpasses it lol #they only have a difference of 64 at the moment so its not impossible #I know im going to see this again in a few years and be so confused on why it bothered me so much i just know it lol

[magentagalaxies]

.

#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted #i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter #the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back #and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context #or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with #''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!'' #which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it #BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM???? #and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with #i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together #but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person #it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist #but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary #of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be #and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it #but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well #or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations #and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think #or even what other people understand #but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun #and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time #he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i #and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma #is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!'' #that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels #i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott #idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back #but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it

[daswarschonkaputt]

Look Don't Leap 👍

looking at the power dynamics of the story again but if the lead is a woman 👍👍

ohhhh, they're both bi. fem!Kinn bi!KP 👍👍👍

thank you!

(and if you were to write a continuation of when she stops looking and starts leaping, there would be no complaints here.)

ahhh i'm glad you liked the drabble!

i was actually fairly nervous about posting it because i knew how it was going to get painted by people who didn't read it. i'm someone who takes a more blurry view on gender and sexuality as a whole and feels that it's not something that's easy to quantify. attraction works in mysterious ways, basically. i knew people were going to look at it and go, "ew, she's making the lesbian straight." no. i'm making the bi woman bi.

one of the big reasons i went ahead and posted it is that i feel a lot of kinship with the bisexual community as an asexual. i don't talk about my sexuality much over here, mostly because i was active on tumblr during the ace discourse era. it was a really horrible time to be figuring out your sexuality, in amongst all this rabid, awful talk from members of a community that should have been supporting us and amplifying our voices. so i know how hard it can be when discussions of your own sexuality and experience get hammered into a box labelled "actually homophobic actually" by radicals in the community. and it's something i see happening with bi people, too. when "straight" people figure out they're bi, it's celebrated. when "gay" people figure out they're actually bi, it's seen as a downgrade. it's nasty and i don't want any part of it.

i do want to state that i am aware of the tropes that people may feel this fic invokes. i am aware of the "curing the lesbian" angle. i hate it too. i hope that's not what the fic is, at all. but if that trope's looming shadow is going to ruin the fic for you, i encourage you not to read it. but ship and let ship applies to all kinds of fic.

and lastly the final reason i posted it is that i cut my teeth in the glee fandom. so i guess i'm not scared of a little fandom wank.

#asked and answered #fic: look don't leap #i wanted to take a moment to actually put my thoughts in order in a gentle way #the fic and a few others are kicking off in the discourse space #and i can tell by the talking points that they haven't actually read the fic #which i don't care about #if it's going to upset you don't read it #but if you're going to wield it against me as a weapon please check your facts first #i'm not naieve enough to believe that people in fandom are prepared to give the benefit of the doubt #but personally i try to work from a position where people are generally not malicious #i'm not a fan of how this is all escalating #i think that things are getting nasty on both sides of the discourse #and like i said! i fully understand the opposing side's feelings and pov #you don't have to engage with my fic #but if you want to engage with me and have a chat abt it i'm happy to dm or whatever #sorry random nonny for highjacking ur ask #had to put my thoughts in order

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy #been feeling weird as hell these past few months #like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days #or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day #idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this #just thinking #meposting #I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying #I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult #I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad. #whatever #I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that #dissociation #me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though #she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety #and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’ #I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time #I’m so solid now #so stuck in the ruts of capitalism #fuck capitalism #I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled #sorry I love talking #and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn? #it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing #I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence. #like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5. #overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names. #can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school #bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude #I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time