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rn-zane · 1 year

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TIMING: last week SETTING: coffee house downtown WARNINGS: mentions of homophobia SUMMARY: zane takes jonas up on his offer to have a nice chat. turns out they share a lot in common.

It was beautiful outside. Spring had finally hit Wicked’s Rest and the trees were blooming with flowers, white petals floating softly to the sidewalk. Jonas was enjoying the gentle breeze, while looking down at his phone. He was a little nervous meeting the other and he wasn’t sure why. Perhaps it was because it had been awhile since Jonas had made any new lasting friendships. His hand went to fiddle with the moon on his choker. He felt a little foolish being so worried about making a friend. Normally he was very calm in situations like this, maybe it was because Zane seemed like a good man that Jonas wanted to impress him.

Though he wasn’t sure how impressive a man in a pink cardigan would seem. He was tempted to pull it off along with his choker but decided doing so while at a cafe table would be a little strange, plus these were two items he wore on the daily if they did become friends Zane would see him wearing both eventually. Jonas decided it would be better to focus on the neglected ice tea and cake sitting on the table in front of him. He took a sip of his drink letting the sweetness calm his nerves. He had made sure to pick a table far enough from the others to be private while still getting a goodview of the trees blossoming on the streetside. Though with Blue by his side, no one was exactly jumping at the bit to sit at any of the tables next to his.

She was a friendly dog and loved getting pets from strangers, but her rather large size made them all nervous, so the black dog was pouting with her head on Jonas’ lap. He smiled at her and offered a few pets to console his partner while they waited for Zane to arrive. He had made sure to tell the other man to look for the black dog. Blue was sure to stand out more than him.

—

So far, being more open to actually talking to people, whether online or in real life, had led to some interesting things. Nice things, even, and Zane realized how ridiculous he’d been in avoiding contact all this time. Not to say he’d be getting too attached to any of the new people he was meeting when the people in his life still had a tendency to filter out slowly but surely. But a few coffee house meet ups, a quick chat or just anything that wan’t work or Netflix at home was a win. Not to mention that he needed practice at being out and about after the ER incident with the firefighter. He couldn’t risk another slip up like that and exposure therapy seemed the best way to go. Obviously he wasn’t hoping that Jonas would be bleeding but being around people in an unfamiliar environment was a good start.

Looking for the big, black dog had been a really good tip as it demanded attention from everyone who entered the coffee shop. It wasn’t just dark but black and big was almost an understatement. Even so, there was something so soft in the dog’s gaze as they watched their owner that made Zane feel a strange sense of calm. And the sleek fur looked like it would be really soft to pet through. The sense of calm was definitely welcome as Zane moved his attention to the owner of the dog, somehow just as conspicuous as his pet. The pink cardigan was an eye catcher but it suited the young man nicely and complimented the whole outfit, while making the vampire extremely self conscious about his own clothes. Jeans, shirt, jacket as per usual. He really, really did need to go shopping more often.

Sucking up the self criticism, Zane strolled up to the table, large frame forcing him to awkwardly scoot past a few other patrons before finally reaching the corner seat. “Hey.” He smiled softly, hand moving for a small wave for lack of a better option. “Really hope you’re Jonas and not just a badly timed stranger who also happens to own a giant dog.” Said dog seemed to liven up at Zane’s appearance, head lifting from his owner’s lap to regard the newcomer. Her eyes were piercing and hopeful and yeah, this dog was definitely helping diffuse the tension. “Hi,” he greeted her with a chuckle, moving tentatively for the dog’s head and finally giving it a quick pat once it was clear that Blue was more than into it.

—

A shadow seemed to over take the table making Jonas look up at the tall figure standing in front. “Oh um you must be Zane?” He smiled and signed as he talked, but was distracted by Blue flopping against Zane’s legs as soon as the hand stopped petting her head. She whined softly, ignoring the fact that this stranger’s heart didn’t seem to be beating. The dead had never bothered her, and they didn’t seem to brother her boy either given how he dealt with ghosts a lot so she saw no reason to be suspicious of this man, plus he was offering pets something the large dog was wanting. “Blue you have to let him sit down.” She huffed but scooted far enough away for Zane to sit before wiggling over to offer her head for more pets. Jonas would have offered his hand by now had Blue not been all over the taller man.

“I am sorry for her, she um gets a little excited.” Jonas was glad though that Blue seemed to like Zane, it certainly made him more comfortable, and the big dog was good at keeping his attention off how odd his voice must sound. “It is good to see you, I hope work was not too draining um the waitress should come over soon for your order.” Or he hoped so he felt a little rude for ordering first but it was more awkward for him to sit there with nothing in front of him in a place you were meant to be eating. He had gotten there earlier than he should have and he didn’t know how long Zane was going to take to arrive. Though the other man did appear pretty soon after him, making his worry over the whole situation seem a little ridiculous.

–

“Don’t be sorry,” Zane assured quickly, enjoying the warmth that Blue’s head was providing as she begged for more attention. “She’s amazing and I really don’t mind the petting.” It took a moment to hit him, the realization that he was talking with his face angled down towards the dog, probably making it hard, if not impossible, for his companion to lip read. Whipping his head back up, smile in place as he continued to pet the dog, Zane sacrificed one hand of petting to reach it over to Jonas for a handshake.

“Thanks for this, by the way. I’m bad at setting up meetings with new people even though I should be doing more of it.” Zane settled into the seat, finding it immeasurably comforting to pet the excited dog, providing his nervous hands with a noble task. It was definitely a bit prejudiced, the way he hadn’t known how the two of them would be able to converse since Jonas speaking had caught him off guard. He had a nice, soft voice but the hesitance was clear. It immediately made him curious about the man’s hearing, how and when he had lost it, but that wasn’t exactly the topic that should follow the first greeting. Seeing him sign was impressing as well, hands moving deftly in patterns that Zane longed to understand and he hoped things went well here so he’d have the chance to learn.

Coffee ordered, with plenty of caramel syrup, Zane turned back to the conversation. “I, uh… I really like your jacket.” It was definitely messing with his brain a bit, attempting to not overthink the speed in which he was talking. Jonas had assured him that lip reading wouldn’t be a problem and he didn’t want to treat him like an idiot by speaking offensively slow but he also knew just how fast words could leave him while nervous, like he was now. “You… you’ll let me know if I’m…” he waved his hand, trying to pick the right words. “Like, completely incomprehensible, right?”

—

Jonas couldn’t tell what Zane was saying while the other was looking at his dog and was about to say something when the taller man whipped his head up and smiled. It was pretty, he was pretty and it made Jonas flush just a little when he reached over to shake his hand. He completely forgot what he was going to say to the other, and decided to just let it go. He was careful not to get his sleeve in his cake as he pulled his hand back.

“Of course!” Jonas offered a smile back at Zane’s thanks, “I may be too easy to get to leave the house. But um you should be careful saying thanks. My mother always warned me against using that word, she said it could get you into trouble in um Wicked’s Rest.” It was a little sad talking about his mom when he currently had no idea where she was. He missed her terribly, and was worried anytime he didn’t have something to do. He was grateful Zane had decided to ask him over for coffee spur of the moment.

There had been no one in the bakery and he had been left with just his phone and his thoughts which never ended well for him lately, especially since he was now nervous to check any windows that were around him. Ever since the night with the stranger in his kitchen window he had done his best to avoid looking into one when alone. He tried not to think about it anymore, letting Zane distract him. Zane was nice and tall and handsome and had a wonderful smile, all good points in his book. It also helped that Blue seemed to like him right off the bat, meaning she didn’t pick up on anything shifty about the other man.

Jonas beamed when the other complimented his cardigan, “I appreciate that, my twin Lil, knitted it for me. I like yours too.” It was a little bigger than it probably should have been, but it was made when Lil was still hoping the two would somehow hit a growth spurt. How he had managed to keep it from going ragged after all these years was anyone’s guess. It probably helped that Lil was always knitting him new cardigans. He couldn’t help the little chuckle that came out at Zane’s question,“You are doing just fine and of course I would let you know.” As long as Zane didn’t surprise him with more smiles he was sure to stay on track with the conversation.

—

There was a hint of something sad in the other man’s eyes as he spoke about his mother and Zane found himself mentally noting it, remembering what Jonas had said about knowing the feeling of not quite fitting in. He’d ask more about that, in time, but for now he was curious about the strange bit of advice the woman had apparently imprinted onto her son. He zoned out for a moment, trying to figure out just how a simple ‘thank you’ could get you in trouble, and why specifically in Wicked’s Rest, but was drawn back into the conversation before he reached a conclusion.

Seeing the other gush about his cardigan, so clearly made with love by his sister, revived a faint ache in Zane’s chest. He was thankful for the distraction that was the arrival of his coffee, tongue scalded slightly as he took a sip, the mild pain an even better distraction. “It’s really nice to hear you talk about your sister.” His hands dug further into the dog’s fur as she pushed her snout against his leg, the petting having halted for a moment as he drank from his coffee. “Maybe I should meet her one day, too. Try and sneak a handmade sweater from her,” he joked, hoping to lighten the tension in his chest.

“Also,” he doubled back, “how does a thank you get you into trouble?” A part of Zane knew he was diverting the conversation but the other part focused on petting the dog because diverting was fine. He’d opened up to Jonas online about his family, in a spur of the moment blabber, but the thought about going down that line now felt a bit overwhelming. Almost as if Blue could sense the discomfort, she gave one final nuzzle into his hand before retreating back to her owner.

—

After Zane took a sip of his coffee Jonas decided it was finally okay to eat some of his cake, rolling up his sleeve before using his fork to take a small piece off the end. It was odd for a baker to try other people’s cakes; it kind of felt like he was scouting the competition. The cafe’s carrot cake was delicious though and he definitely wanted to take note of all the flavors so he could try and recreate it later. “If you become her friend I am sure she will knit you something. She loves to do it for birthdays and holidays.” Lil did not have many friends; she wasn’t as comfortable in social situations as Jonas seemed to be. It would be nice if she made a friend like Zane.

The smaller man gave Blue a quick pet as the big dog settled by his feet. She decided it was time to do her job as a guard dog. “Oh um…Well I believe it has something to do with owing favors you cannot get out of if you say it to certain people? She was never very clear on it. I am sorry I cannot give you a more detailed answer.” Jonas was one to do what his mother told with little to no questioning. She had always had that kind of power over him. Even now her rules from childhood still sort of applied to his life. He never cussed, he was as kind as he could be and he always always preheated the oven before baking.

“But um online you said you would like to talk about your family.” Jonas wasn’t one to pry where he wasn’t wanted but the other man did invite him out so suddenly for coffee and tea to talk about their families. He was hoping he could help the other man vent a little, he looked like he needed it with how he was fidgeting. Speaking of, the cake while nice was just not enough stimulation for his hands at the moment. He reached for his tea when his sleeve slid down again, Jonas let out a little sigh and decided it was better to take the cardigan off. He was quick to slip it over his shoulders, hanging it on the back of his chair where it could stay till the cake was out of the way. If it wasn’t so nice outside he would have left it on, he was only wearing a tank top underneath that left his arms to fend for themselves. “If you still want to, I am still open to listening.”

—

Pursing his lips, Zane pondered on the answer. Sure, certain people could demand favors from you, even rudely, but that didn’t seem like a thing that happened only in Wicked’s Rest. It didn’t seem that Jonas knew exactly what his mother had meant either but the vampire made an attempt to remember it for a google session later tonight. It was one of those things he would usually throw into his phone right away to make sure his stupid memory didn’t betray him but he didn’t want to risk taking out his phone and making Jonas think he was boring him. Especially when he really wasn’t. Jonas seemed interesting, with a story of his own and a big one at that (call it a nursing instinct), not to mention that he was kind and attentive. So no phone.

And there it was. Family talk. It had been offered during their talk online and that’s all it still was, an offer. Jonas wasn’t prying the information from his hands but Zane still felt on edge. He could easily count the number of people who really knew about his past and none of them still resided in town. “I do, I’m just… out of practice talking about my past, I guess. Been a while.” Buying himself some more time with a drink from his coffee, trying to savor the faintest sense of sweetness that managed to wake up his very dull taste buds, he made an assumption. It wasn’t based on much, mostly the way Jonas carried himself and dressed, but something in him told Zane that part of his struggle would be understood.

Fingers fiddling with a stray thread on his jeans, making sure not to divert his gaze too low to obscure his lips, Zane started tentatively. Acutely aware of every other person in the café. “I left home when I was fifteen. Or… was sent off, is probably more accurate. Didn’t really know why at first, took me a lot of years but… found out that super religious people - like to the point that they predicted the world ending once or twice a year; not big fans of gay people.” He paused, gauging the other for a reaction.

—

“There is um no pressure to talk about anything you do not want to.” Jonas hoped the other man understood that. While he was curious to know more about Zane, he fully understood that they were strangers to one another no matter how pleasant the current company was. Then again opening up to someone who didn’t really know you sometimes was easier.

“I am sorry. It is always hard when people do not accept you because of something um out of your control.” Jonas knew the feeling well, “My father told me he did not care for uh who I fell for because I would not be in charge of carrying on the line anyway. He was more caught up on my… Lack of hearing among other things.” Jacob Ballard did not love his youngest child and he knew it. “My siblings and my mother have always been supportive though. If you ever need support now I am here.” Jonas wasn’t sure how much his support would actually mean to Zane, he wouldn’t blame him if his words offered no comfort. Old scars were always hard to heal.

“What was it like growing up in that kind of place? If it is alright for me to… for me to ask. I know there are um cul- religious organizations in Wicked’s Rest but uh I have never been in one.” Nothing good had ever been said about the cults of Wicked’s Rest and he knew it was easy to get sucked into, given just how many of them there were. Any other news of cults he had always gotten from documentaries and most of those did not have happy endings. In fact he didn’t think a single one did. Jonas was a little glad Zane was sitting here now and not a part of whatever faction had him till the age of 15.

—

It was instantly comforting, the way Jonas just listened, eyes carrying an unspoken understanding of sorts. Zane had bet right to trust the man and his guess on the other’s sexuality mirroring his own had been correct as well. It was soothing, aside from painful, to hear Jonas open up as well. A different kind of judgment had befallen his childhood and in no way did it seem easier if the far off pain in Jonas’s eyes was any indication. Despite all that, the man was willing to offer whatever support he could. It stilled Zane’s worried hands for a moment.

“I… same goes to you.” Giving other people strength, even in their darkest hours, was something Zane was adapt at. Whether it was kind words or a simple hand to hold, he was used to being a beacon of hope for someone else. It was a nice change of pace, hearing those words of comfort spoken back to him now. “And your dad clearly doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.”

The curiosity about Zane’s past wasn’t unexpected. Neither was the slip up about what exactly to call the community he’d belonged to for so many years. It had taken the vampire years to even begin to admit that the environment had been more toxic than his young, brainwashed self had been able to realize. “Yeah, I wouldn’t recommend it,” he replied dryly, fingers resuming their task of fiddling with his pants. “I thought it was nice. Believed it, really. It was such a close community, you could literally go to anyone for anything and get help. But it also didn’t give me the chance for any sort of future. Everything we did was just… preparing for the end. Making sure we didn’t step out of line and get sent straight to hell when the world burned. Lots of… rules. Expectations.” He mulled it over, seeking strength from the dark yet soft eyes watching him. Trying to siphon off some of the calming energy from Blue.

“There wasn’t a chance to be… different. In any way, really. You did what everyone else did, dressed like everyone else, loved the person they expected you to…” Zane trailed off, barely able to visualize the faint image of his old best friend. The one who had shared his best kept secret, which he hadn’t even realized was a secret at the time, with everyone. “Or you were just… out. Sentenced to never ascend.”

—

“That is very kind of you.” Jonas couldn’t help the smile on his lips as the man awkwardly offered the same assurance of support he just gave. He also couldn’t help the little laugh that came out at the other’s next words. “I think well I think Lil would agree with you. She is often telling me that um our father is… Full of nonsense.” He often tried to remind himself of the fact. He was not Jacob, he could not please Jacob despite something in him that sorely wanted to and Jacob was not going to change. It was odd the way one could focus on the one person who didn’t like you out of the many who did.

As Zane started to talk about his past, Jonas got up and moved his chair so he could be closer to the taller man. He sat in a way that Zane could look down if he so desired while still giving Jonas a good view of his lips. This was all obviously very hard for the other to talk about and Jonas couldn’t help reaching out and placing a hand on Zane’s, thumb rubbing soothing circles onto the back of his hand. Or he hoped it was soothing and not an overstep on his part.

He really could not understand why such a community would throw out someone so kind. “I um cannot imagine what that must have been like.” Jonas had willingly left the family that had cared for him for 17 years but Zane? The poor man was tossed from everything he knew on a whim from some elders who simply did not like he was gay. “They really do not know what they are missing out on now do they?” He offered the same words back to Zane in an attempt to earn a smile from him. These were heavy topics to bring up at a coffee shop and Jonas almost regretted asking.

Almost. They were practically strangers and yet opened up to each other so easily, maybe it was the fact that they really didn’t know one another that made it so simple or maybe it was that they were so similar with the small facts that they did share. Either way Jonas was happy to learn more about the other even if the facts were uncomfortable and he was happy to offer some semblance of acceptance for who Zane was that the taller man might not have had before. Jonas had always been lucky to have Lil and his other siblings by his side to do the same. “There is no shame in who you love.”

—

“Your sister sounds smart,” Zane said softly, trying and failing to imagine how it would have felt to have to live with his father and the inescapable judgment he now knew would have been bestowed upon him. A blessing in disguise to have been kicked out, perhaps. Blessing was maybe a bit too generous, considering he hadn’t been banished into the best of circumstances but still. It was a strange thought.

The sudden hand on his own, such a warm contrast on the skin, startled Zane for a moment. Again he wondered how many times he’d done exactly this for a patient and, feeling how much the simple gesture was doing for him now, he took some pride in having provided that for someone else. Jonas’s fishing for a smile worked like a charm, the words Zane had just used parroted back at him. It was a melancholy smile but a genuine one nevertheless. “Guess we both have pretty clueless parents. Well… fathers, at least.”

He couldn’t really remember speaking ill of his parents… ever. It made him feel guilty still, after all these years, despite having thought some pretty bitter things time and time again. Chastising them outloud was different, just like his first kiss with a boy had filled him with a feeling of dread. Made him wonder if this was worth losing his family, his people, over. It was worth it, he knew somewhere deep down, but a part still wondered if he would have been happier living in denial and routine with people who, at the time, had truly loved him.

“I know,” he breathed, meeting Jonas’s eyes fully for the first time in what felt like a while. “It just feels… harder sometimes, making all this shit seem worth it when I have nothing to show for it. No one. Like, I can love who I want, sure but… what if that who is just… nowhere?” His words had a mind of their own, forming and making their way out before he had a chance to proofread them. Now that Zane heard them outloud, he laughed shortly, head shaking as he leaned back. His hand slid off the table and away from the warmth, going to rub at his face. “Man, I really need to stop watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns,” he chuckled, going for the coffee in a desperate need to defuse the situation. He wasn’t uncomfortable but those last words had come from somewhere a little too deep and warning bells had gone off.

—

“Lil is very smart.” Jonas was always impressed by the knowledge crammed up in her head. He had gone to school with her and knew she was bright as the sun but then she would heeley by and it was as if he forgot all that. His twin sure was a treat of a person. All his siblings were, he really missed Jude and Jane. Unlike his siblings, Zane was right, his father was clueless though he would never say it to the man’s face. He also did not like saying it behind his back but sometimes it needed to get out. “Mm I suppose we do. Especially when they uh get hung up on parts of you.”

He tilted his head a little when Zane expressed a concern for finding love. He couldn’t help the little chuckle at it, “I am sorry, I am not laughing at you I just uh was not expecting that. You are very handsome and um very sweet.” He was a little flushed at admitting that to Zane’s face but the man seemed like he needed the ego boost. “I am sure if you uh go looking you will find the ‘who’. But it is not something that can… that can be forced.” Jonas was glad he had some experience with past relationships, even if it was not as much as others. Constantly traveling didn’t make for the best environment for love to blossom.

Jonas leaned back, pulling his hand from Zane’s in the process. “I um have never seen Gray’s Anatomy. But I do know that television is not the uh best guide to real life romance. There are… dating apps you could-” Jonas was cut off by Blue standing, eyes looking past Zane towards the front of the cafe. The man leaned over and his eyes widened before he snapped back into place.

The casual atmosphere that was building was quickly replaced by panic. “I… I um…” He turned and pulled the cardigan off the back of his chair slipping it on. Blue started to growl softly and Jonas placed a hand in her fur, “I am really sorry, we should- we should go.” He was about to get up without explaining but then his brain kicked back into common sense for a moment and he leaned a little closer to Zane hoping he was whispering. “There is a man behind you. He has been um following me for several days. I do not want to trouble you but if you could… If you could walk me home…” He would understand if Zane said no. Getting into trouble for someone you just met was a little different than spilling your guts.

—

The compliment was nice, the blushing even more so because it cemented the fact that Jonas was speaking from the heart. Zane dropped his head shyly, head shaking slightly as he bit down on his lip. Making sure to raise his head, as much as his gaze wanted to stay glued to the table, he smiled. “Thanks. You, uh… you too.” He really did believe that love would eventually find you, for Jonas at the very least, who was soft and kind and the first man Zane had seen pull off a choker.

Before he could take offense that his companion had never seen the cultural phenomenon that was Grey’s, the mood shifted. At first it seemed that Jonas was simply stressed about Blue’s sudden change in mood but that turned out to be wishful thinking. Zane was on his feet as soon as the other stood, tension crawling up his spine. The reason became apparent as Jonas whispered to him about the intruder, staring down their table. Rising to his full height, Zane turned on his heel, fully prepared to go confront the stranger about why the fuck he’d been tailing the wonderful person sharing coffee with him. The stare down was all it took to scare him off, it seemed, disappearing quickly around a corner.

“What the fuck…” Zane breathed, aching to go after the man, fully confident that he could catch up to him. That would mean leaving Jonas alone here and after the gentle request, there was no way the vampire was going anywhere. “Yeah, of course. Of course.” He shook his head, trying to let the tension from almost bolting off seep from his body. Still glancing over his shoulder as Jonas got ready to leave, Zane finally walked him out of the café, feeling just as tense as Blue looked. He knew he was a little too on edge, practically using his body as a physical block walking next to the smaller man, on the look out for anything out of sorts but… Jonas had looked so genuinely scared. He wanted to ask him about it but now didn’t seem like the right time, with the man visibly shaken and nervous. Jonas would tell him at some point if he felt like it. For now, Zane settled for wrapping his arm over the petite shoulders, hoping it would give at least a fraction of the comfort Jonas had provided with the gentle touch before.

#thesilentmedium #p:jonas #jonas.001 #don't be depresso #writing #homophobia tw #for mention

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