#for what am I being punished

[larapaulussen]

#gif #why do I have to spend every christmas and every birthday alone #for what am I being punished #I am a good person #and I don’t think this suffering has any sense #it’s just that in life the happy people have good things coming their way #and the sad people always just get more trauma #I know I could have a relationship if I didn’t have such a traumatic childhood #my trauma lets me reject the good guys and waste my time with the aholes #but i don’t know what to do about it #every nice guy I met absolutely wasn’t attractive to me #and we also didn’t have anything in common #so I’m not even regretting rejecting them cause it wouldn’t have worked out #and they deserve someone who actually fancies them #i just wonder why I never met a nice guy that I have common interests with #or who matched my preferences lookwise #it really feels like I’m simply not allowed to ever meet the right person #and gotten to the point where I swipe for hours have a lot of matches and then ghost everyone #as I just know it either will be someone nice but not attractive to me or an ahole #I just don’t have any energy left anymore #I just want to experience love so bad but can’t do these dates anymore #I’m so so tired

[luck-of-the-drawings]

so REVENGE, HUH? or justice, if that makes you feel better. it tastes the same when cooked just right. 'I REALLY WANTED A BROTHER.' such a shame to burn a bridge you so desperately wanted to keep, especially when it wasnt even you who started the fire. especially when you hope that not a single fragment of that bridge ever washes ashore.[MAY IT ROT FAR FROM MY SIGHTS] an unfortunate loss! atleast he has his friends.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi prime defenders #jrwi prime defenders spoilers #jrwi pd spoilers #jrwi pd #william wisp #vyncent sol #THIS ONE IS FUUUUCKIN OOOOOLLDD RAAAHHHHH i made it like. a year ago. but didnt finish it for so so long bc i just wasnt happy w it. #BUT LIKE A CENTURY EGG the decades of being encased in salt n lime n ash have done WELL to bring out the flavores of this piece #i sorta recently cleaned it up and posted it onto twitty. didnt tag it bc it was SO OLD AND SCUFFED(i see so many MISTAKES NOW) #that i didnt want to expose it to the open air just like that #if i show smth to my small circles then it shall only be understood in those small circles. #open air and open interpretation from minds i cannot predict are NOT something i enjoy the thought of. usually. i am brave tho #BUT EVERYONE ON TWITTY WAS SO NICEEE i was like damn... i guess it IS good enough to be enjoyed by the masses... #lets work on being nicer to our art together. THAT BEING SAID. i really love my colors here HELL YEAHHHH #FIRST TIME IN A WHILE COLORIN THESE BOYS.... i dont use proper color enough..I ALSO RLY LIKE MY BACKGROUNDS HERE #i LOVE when the bg is hyperrealistic (i frankestiened stock photos) and when the subjects are all flat colored n cartoony #recently rewatched Making Fiends and they do that similar thing!! soft shading! lotsa details! almost painted? ill paint one day #ive already rambled so much abt the art im runnin out of ROOm to ramble about WWWIILLIAM GODDAMN WWIIIISP. its been a minute since i saw- #-this episode..but i DO remember the funny smoke trick that will did to his funny brother. EVERYTIME U GIVE AN ORDER. THAT BRINGS HARM- #-INDIRECTLY OR NOT. YOU WILL HEAR THOSE SCREAMS. YOU WILL FEEL THAT PAIN. OHHH WHAT A COOL PUNISHMENT THAT IS #its still an olive branch in a sense! a final chance for big bro bell to show that hes NOT an irrideemable piece o shit. and if not #well. to the wolves of psychosis with him!!! i really think william did the best he could here. if i was in his shoes i have no doubt i- #-woulda done the same. IM ALSO GLAD THAT VYN DECIDED TO STICK AROUND N SUPPORT HIM! thas character development baybe!! #i loooove prime defenders.. its been so long since i watched any eps of it but i KNOW it still has such a grip on my heart..GOTTA rewatch i

[uncanny-tranny]

I jokingly thought before that reading Junie B. Jones as a kid turned me into a feminist, but unironically, it kind of did.

I honestly think it comes down to the fact that Junie B. was not only allowed to be "weird," but her character arc never concluded like other girl characters would. In other media featuring "weird girls," the girl always ended her arc tamed - by force or convince, she would be prettied up, she would smile and be polite, and she would never speak out of turn. She would be perfect then, and would shed her veneer of individuality with the freedom that is conformity. As a kid, I noticed that girls weren't permitted to be "weird" like boys were. So when I read Junie B. Jones, I loved that she was frankly just fucking weird. She said things out of turn, she was rambunctious and imaginative and she was a realistic portrayal of a little girl. I loved reading those books because the narrative taught her lessons without punishing her for being weird, if that makes sense. So often, narratives punished weird girls for the crime of being a socially unacceptable girl, not for any true wrongdoing like lying.

Anyway, I just think it's interesting, because I watched and read a ton of books and shows and movies featuring girls and women, but none of them truly empathized with (or even tried to empathize with) weird girls on their own merits and capabilities and terms, or embraced the idea of a "socially inept/unacceptable" girl without punishing her in some way for her supposed ineptitude.

#feminism #and like junie b. got in trouble A LOT but she wasn't punished FOR being weird (honestly i thought she was adhd as a kid) #i haven't read the books in WELL over a decade but this is what i truly remember liking about the books #and i felt as a kid it said something that she was a seeming rarity among the sea of other portrayals of girls #am i looking too deep into this? honestly i don't care #and it makes me wonder if all the pushback those books got was partially because junie b. wasn't an 'acceptable' girl #like she's no more 'out there' than the portrayals of little boys that are out there and there were lessons and things from what i remember #i'm not saying you HAVE to like the books by the way but i think sometimes other people can get really angry about GIRLS acting like kids #i was ranting about these books to my dad because he didn't like them but he did still let me read them so thanks dad 🫡🫡 #i just remember them being a huge part of my personal library because of how realistic and relatable junie b. was #like i acted really similarly to her when i was a kid and i felt like i was being understood (which is why i hc she's adhd/audhd/autistic)

[sammygender]

thinking about dean growing up and putting everything before himself. hunting and his brother and his dad and his dad’s revenge quest for their mom. he doesn’t matter. he is entirely irrelevant. thinking about dean internalising this as just what you do, just how people behave and how they should behave. him viewing selfish as the worst thing you can possibly be.

then thinking about sam growing up and fighting. brave enough to challenge their father and rebel against him and voice something different, brave enough to focus on what he wants. dean seeing this and it stings - he could never do that. how is sam acting like that? he can’t believe that’s the right way to behave. so sam must be selfish, just in believing he has any right to his own life.

dean sublimates himself for the family and expects sam to do the fame, and his resentment and jealousy that sam doesn’t turns into anger and making sam out to be the mean one, the one in the wrong. and this never goes away. this is always what dean levels at sam - that he’s selfish, that in wanting to make his own choices he’s rejecting their family, rejecting dean……. awful. toxic. evil evil message to send to sam. entirely in character. dean wants to prioritise sam, would save him over the world. but he doesn’t care what sam wants.

selflessness isn’t always a charming character trait. it’s not the same thing as a generosity of spirit and it’s definitely not the same thing as being caring. sometimes selflessness just means you’re incapable of prioritising your life and incapable of understanding how anyone else could or should prioritise theirs. sometimes it means you still act selfishly, you just convince yourself you were objectively in the right, because doing something actually for yourself is unthinkable. sometimes it means you think the very act of having wants and boundaries is selfish, no matter whether they’re yours or anyone else’s.

anyway… thoughts on dean’s specific brand of awfulness regarding sam. what does it matter to him what sam actually wants? since when did it ever matter in the winchester household what anyone wanted? dean had to deal with things he didn’t want for the mission (for john). sam has to deal with things he doesn’t want for the mission (for dean). augh. the cycles

#& what do they get for that? sam gets punished repeatedly for being brave and attempting to have any sense of agency #it’s taken from him repeatedly by everyone around him. hes violated in every possible way. him wanting his own life is framed as selfishness #i can’t stop thinking abt this. Am i dean winchester am i on the pathway to becoming him #it makes so much sense now. of course sam is everything to me. i always always latch onto characters who fight who try to say fuck you i am #worth something. and that’s what sam tried to do. it just didn’t work. the story wears him down too much. augh. #the story + his abused/abusive brother #spn is a horror story #dean winchester #this is written with love but it is very much hashtag dean critical #spn #meta #supernatural #sam winchester #spn meta

[captain-astors]

Creature. (The rendered ones are referenced from manga panels)

#mediocre art #tokyo ghoul #On some level I think I should like Kaneki more than I do but there's this weird sense of detachment #I have not only from him but being able to perceive him as a character? #I don't even dislike him it's just that I can't feel any which way about him at all. He's a catalyst for events #feels more like the conch from Lord of the Flies or something rather than a fictional person. #He doesn't suffer and learn from the consequences #he just suffers and does what got him there again. It's arguable that the lack of punishment denies him the satisfaction #but if that's the case why does he end the story with everything working out perfectly for him? #Why do his friends oblige his flaws and accept his lack of change? #Is the problem my lack of understanding or his lack of good writing? #Is he well written? #Why do I like a certain character from a different anime who's a very similar person with very similar dynamics #but with a goal and acceptance by himself and those around him that his actions really are reprehensible and cannot truly be atoned for #not only more but to the point that he's actually one of my favorites? #Am I just sitting upon a throne of entitlement #because his thought process and experiences are not catered to be applicable to and understood by myself? #GOD IF I KNOW ANYMORE #I'm not pressuring myself to like him or anything I just don't understand anything about kaneki these days and I don't know why

[furylad]

u guys are crazy for saying someone deserves to be made disabled because they were mean I just want to express that. ty.

#ofmd #our flag means death #izzy hands #like if that's how you think people should be punished just for being unpleasant #holy shit that is terrifying on your part? #I honestly can't think of a scenario where I'd WANT someone I hate to have their leg cut off #and I am thinking about people who abused me :| #still dont want their legs cut off why the fuck would I want that whats wrong with yooooooooou #glad this is a minority of fandom but still very worried for those of you who think that's appropriate punishment for like #ANYTHING really #even actual criminals and murderers we do not randomly start chopping off their limbs

[b4kuch1n]

this cold med fucked me up bad I did barely anything but sleep and write this

#sherlock and co #s&co #john watson #sherlock holmes #mariana ametxazurra #I dont know what the point of this one is. I lied I do. Im not saying it tho #I feel like some of my best work went into the segments with john and mariana joshing around #to be fair this is cold-med-influenced opinion. might be subjected to change. not sure #I am straight up going to pass out now I held back on this cold for One day to do a Thing #and now im being punished for it but it was worth it. it was great #have a good night lads. hope ur not suffering a cold rn. be careful of the changing weather ok

[girlyteengirl16]

idk what i did to deserve the life i have now

#life is so unfair #i hate living like this #i hate my family #i’m so tired of being treated like this #i’m so sleepy #honk shoo mimimimi #god what the fuck #god why am i being punished #idk what i did wrong #mentally unstable #trauma #i wanna kms #tw depressing stuff #tw depressing thoughts

[loquaxleemons]

Actually insane...

what the helll... what did I do man...

unrelated topic does anyone have any small kinito discord servers they would like me in. But seriously no mods told me what I did wrong or nothing so what did I do...

#Loquāx Rambles #Loquāx goes insane #for 24 hours no less like what heinous crimes did I commit. #I'm tweaking rn #Am I being punished for my huberis? #If anyone knows what I did that would be cool because idk why I was singled out #kinito pet #kinitopet

[captain-hen]

Sooo agree with your post. Potentially unpopular opinion but Ive seen a lot of people saying the bi buck arc is tied to/the conclusion to the being at ease arc from s6 and I just so strongly disagree with that. Like I think its certainly a part of him getting to that point but do I think buck is ready to be a leader like bobby, or that everything in his life came into focus just because he realized hes bi? No, not really. And really learning to be at ease with yourself is something that takes years to reach and there is likely not really one thing that will flip the switch, especially someone with trauma like buck’s. He’s definitely still on his trying new things journey to figure out what makes him happy. And hes taking steps and getting there through the whole series (having maddie back in his life, trying to repair his relationship with his parents, reflecting on his feelings about daniel, reflecting on parenthood, defining boundaries with friendships (kameron/connor thing), exploring sexuality) but I just dont think hes quite there yet. (Of course watch me be proven wrong when buck comes out to bobby and the at ease thing is brought up. Hope thats not the case but we’ll see lol)

i mean, we've been saying for years that a relationship isn't magically gonna fix him, and that doesn't stop being true just because he's dating a guy now. i was just talking about this to someone else, but it's insane how fandom appears to think that (1) kiss with tommy fixed him. like...did we not see his behaviour in this episode? i have literally never been more concerned for buck's mental state, and that is not an exaggeration. what he needs, more than anything else, is some serious self-reflection and to go back to therapy.

#also i am just. so annoyed at the takes i've seen floating around like. #'buck is gonna be so Happy and Fixed and Confident in this new relationship whereas eddie is gonna be miserable and broken' #like...even if eddie is stuck in a relationship that's not good for him it is at least one he's chosen for himself. #his healing process might not be over but we've seen him actively put in the work—go to therapy—confront his past—make amends #him being with marisol does not automatically erase all of that #and buck kissing tommy doesn't suddenly make this enlightened being who no longer has any issues he has to reckon with #and honestly these takes seem to come from a place of 'eddie is dating a woman and he should therefore be punished for that' #that's literally what it sounds like #anyway #sigh #neethu answers #anon

[yandere-daydreams]

Not too sure if you keep up with jp twst updates but have you seen the new Halloween update with the fox dude, Honest Fellow? (Yes that's his name, I'm just gonna call him honest John cause his name's an adjective). I am seriously loving how expressive he is, his devious expressions are so good

i am keeping very up to date with what y'all are doing over there and so far i've been delighted by the idea that, while half of the school's named population is experiencing a prolonged hatecrime in a french catholic school, the other half will be running away to nonconsensual join a circus led by a catboy and nick wilde's humansona. i don't know enough about him to have any major thoughts, but rollo was so fun and it seems like they'll be going just as hard for this event as they did for the glorious masquerade. any event with an ortho ssr is bound to slap and i have no reason to doubt that honest fellow (because i refuse to disrespect such a brave naming choice) will contribute to that.

i don't usually read translations for events but i think i might at least find a summary or something, this time. there's just something about a deceptively charming ringleader with a habit of luring people into his pocket-reality fantasy land that feels like it would go really well with what i do here.

#i don't know if i've emphasized this enough but i am NOTHING if not an ortho stan #and if i wasn't an ortho stan #i'd be an ace stan #and therefore the fact i can't read japanese is really killing me rn #i want to see my boys T-T #and i think the character choice in general for this event was really interesting #ortho is arguably one of ths most mature characters in twst #but he still really struggles with not falling into his more idealistic principles and taking his reality for what it is #whereas kalim is much more childish and constantly punished and chastised for that childishness #despite it being the source of his most impressive traits (kindness perseverance etc.) and the source of his growth #and ace is just sorta in ninth grade #the worst of all sins that he will surely be swiftly punished for #dfjksjdklsjdfkjslk i like this game can you tell #the only downside is that yuu probably won't be there #although i wouldn't be mad if the writers just made it like #the back-to-back worst two weeks of the pc's life #like you get home from your impromptu conversion and then immediately have to go figure out wtf is going on with that weird circus #it's not /totally/ impossible considering the camping events #and it kinda feels like something crowley would do tbh #personal #anon ask

[miabrown007]

going crazy about kaz brekker hours

#HE'S JUST *screams into a pillow* #Inej wants him to be better she NEEDS him to be better and shed his armour and be emotionall vulnerable and honest to her #and every time he tries it life delivers a right hook into his solar plexus and knocks him to hell and back #and time and time again he is made to come to the incorrect conclusion that being vulnerable and soft and caring about anyone ever #is a mistake and a weakness that he isn't allowed that he doesn't deserve #and his only way of getting what he wants and keeping the people he loves safe is if he becomes something that can't love them #like life just continues to punish him for having any kind of feelings #and he can only love them if he kills the part of himself that loves them. like COME ON MAN #i'm literally unwell about this kid (KID HE'S FUCKING 17 LET HIM LIVE) #someone sedate me (well actually don't i need to start reading CK tonight) #Kaz I Am Ruin And Ruination Brekker #and it's so tragic because he has come such a long way during SoC and when Inej asks him to be hers you know he can't do it. he would like #to but he's unable of it like his walls are still built up so high. #and it's fair of her to ask because she needs that and keeping her always at arms length is not viable of Kaz but also that's all he can #currently give her. that's his all and it's not enough and my heart is breaking for them ohmygod #they make me think so much of felonies love square I'LL EAT GLASS #okay. anyway. finished six of crows. i'm normal about them. #mia's reading

[kayvsworld]

actually i need to know. are there daredevil people on here who enjoyed daredevil. my question is as follows is season 2 of daredevil good

#i didn't like. halfish of season 1 very much for a wide variety of reasons however. i am curious about the guy. skull guy. murder man guy #THE PUNISHER i googled i'm curious about that dude. but if people who DID like season 1 think it was not as good as season 1 then maybe not #kayvswords #i also want to watch luke cage which i ALSO noped out of early years ago due to the violence bc i am weak #i'm making. a. list of stale superhero content i'm desperate for superhero content at the moment #and am still mad about The Hawkeye Show and that it is The Way It Is instead of being my one true love like the comics. sigh #i miss good mcu. i am so close to getting into comics it is not even FUNNY i am in fucking DANGER over here #i remember having a hard no for jessica jones but idk what it was????? why did i not watch these shows. was it the homicide

[uncanny-tranny]

If you truly want to do what's best for mentally ill people, you have to learn that you often won't be able to separate the "salvageable" parts of ourselves with our illnesses, and you can't pretend like we are sane people underneath the façade of insanity, like we can flip a switch and magically erase the differences that make us "disordered"

#mental health #mental health advocacy #i'm not sure how best to explain it but i see this attitude a lot that anything even mildly 'unsightly' must be punished or ignored... #...or fear mongered... #...or this idea that we *are* just secretly... not disordered and that we can choose every single aspect of our disorders and how... #...that will impact us and our world #it's really hard to explain if you haven't experienced it yourself. it's so hard to know that who you Fundamentally Are is seen as unhuman #that you cannot be disordered and seen as an equal in so many scenarios is precisely what i mean by 'if you want to do right [by us]' #we shouldn't HAVE to present as non-disordered or non-ill just to be treated like a person #i shouldn't have to be forced to pretend like my illnesses are an optional part of who i am that OTHERS should ignore so they can 'love me' #my illnesses are intrinsically tied to Who I Am. i will never have the opportunity to know what Being Sane is like and i shouldn't... #...have to pretend like that isn't the case #it's just fucked up to me to know that people would rather that we just... ignore often fundamental parts of who we are for *their* comfort #maybe that's how i'd word it? i find this a very complex topic but at the core... #...the idea is that we shouldn't have to fucking live a lie for the sake of the 'normal' folk #(obviously 'normal' isn't accurate on a technical level but it conveys how i see the conflict)

[beliscary]

hunting gore crows

#old kingdom #prince sameth #mogget #i love the volume of the cloth in leo and diane dillon cover designs hhhh #doodle tag #ugh sam is just. he's a good kid ok #i'm obsessed with him and ellimere but ellimere gets dust in the books #imagine going to school and seeing your namesake on a plaque commemorating a disaster every day of your childhood #no wonder she's so serious & so intolerant of what she sees as slacking in her brother. she was close to the Wall too she saw the goings on #meanwhile sam went to school further south of the Wall and there were times he could barely feel magic #and per the book he was sometimes treated like an oddity/unwanted ward #i think he became a bit of a golden boy and worked at excelling at everything ancelstierran bc of it #two different kinds of isolation #anyway i love my kids #GET BULLIED BY A CAT IDIOT #no wait im not done he's lit the same kind of self punishing & devoted as his father #but with the added bonus of being as quietly out of his gourd intense as his mom. #sabriel comes across so staid bc of her narration and competence but she was 18 and set out with a pair of skis and a dream like #'yeah i am completely prepared for spooky death land. im bringing my dad back im built different' #sam: do i wear the gilt heeled boots to rescue nick or the black leather #the whole family is insane thank you for your attention

[cerunilea]

Ok, so if we're under the assumption that Cellbit is the one killing the Federation workers and purposely leaving those messages for Cucurucho, I am (even more) so incredibly excited to see what the eventual "consequences" Cucurucho spoke of will end up being. Even before the murders he was going to face some sort of punishment, but adding on the steadily increasing list of things he is doing to destabilize and spread fear through the working class of the organization, I shudder to think how drastic and hard-hitting that punishment will actually end up being — I am very, VERY curious as to what they have in store for him (hopefully incredibly traumatic with lasting, emotionally painful damage... it's been so long since the feral wet cat has been properly put through the horrors and quite frankly I do kind of miss it).

Man knows he was going to take the fall, actively trying to put all of the blame onto himself to pull the brunt of the consequences of some of the recent major hijinks pulled by his fellow islanders, and now he's using this last bit of time to sow as much chaos and thin the workforce, in a way that would not bring negative fallout on the people he cares about (which Bagi is... kind of complicating as she is trying to do the exact same thing for him) as he goes out with a bang.

Obviously there's more nuances to the situation, with Cellbit definitely also using all this to... let go of his carefully crafted emotional limits (and sanity) for a bit(?), the ongoing actions of the other islanders contributing to the chaos (ex. Etoiles killing like 20 guards in his recent infiltration mission, Quackity kidnapping Fred, Foolish getting stuck in his office for several days making his coworkers think he was killed off too, and Bagi and Roier gearing up to support Cellbit in his killing spree, etc.), Cucuruchito's probable role in temporarily distracting the islanders while the Feds try to wrestle everything under control and deal with the black concrete/missing eggs situation, and more that I can't think of offhand. But, from what I can tell, the Federation is probably the most disarrayed that they've ever been since the players first arrived 7 months ago, and Cellbit is capitalizing off that moment of weakness to magnify the chaos severalfold while getting some revenge in the process before he is once again ensnared by their chains, potentially to a permanent detriment depending on what "consequences" the Federation decides to impose on him.

#qsmp #cellbit #qsmp cellbit #there are so many directions the hypothetical upcoming punishment could take and I am very excited to see how it all plays out #like does him being an employee of the Federation change what the punishment will be #and if so - how? #for all we know he could be “transferred” to another place away from everyone since that has happened to other workers before #or put in jail like Walter Bob #or physically punished/limited in some way #or memory-wiped like aypierre or whatever happened when he was kidnapped after finding felps #only limits of the possibilities are imagination and rules of the server #clawing at the walls of my mind