#fuck im still in love i wanna kms

[messybouquetoflilies]

the real ones remember me girlblogging abt trying to get bottom surgery 5 yrs ago & here i am. literally not any closer

#lots of progress made!!! #just to be undone!!!! #im fine!!!!! #ive wanted it since i was 14 #said i would kms if i didn't have it by 18 #over that now just wanna have it done #but i still feel that nagging #that my one and only life goal has been put off this long #for the sake of other people #bc it just isnt time yet #bc i have to move #bc i have to change insurance for the 20th time to top being discriminated against #to change doctors--- oh wait there's literally 3 here #im so tired im so tired so many phone calls so many promises just going nowhere #i would fucking love to meet the doctors conservatives just say hand out gender affirming care #i would fucking love to

[bunnyb34r]

This recent severe bout of depression had better be hormonal and thus fixed by my new bc or so help me god

#marquilla #literally last night went from like 🥰 life is so nice and i love my garden and im genuinely feeling joy! 🥰 to 😵 i wanna fucking die i #wanna kms so goddamn badly please god just kill me in my sleep fuck im so depressed 😵 in like an hour #then stayed in the depressed part til um well currently but less vividly suicidal #like im still having that severe depression it's just less suicidal and more like i just wanna burst into tears which is usually hormonal #and HOPEFULLY ill feel better after i start my meds today bc i aint getting my period anymore bayybeeeeeeee! :DDD legit so happy #that back pain ONLY flares when i have my period so my dr was like yeah we can fix that np #AND it's not my stupid pcp so i can count on getting it no problem unlike that fucker who never answers the phone

[sar3nka]

My mother pissed me off again. God give me strenght.

#shes having a meltdown over the fact i will fail the graphic design thing. which doesnt affect my future whatsoever btw #its only a document that allows me to work on graphic design but id rather kms than do that! #i nearly failed graphic design every year i barely passed this year i dont wanna work extra for that document #im tired of being both the daughter she never gave a shit about and straight up abused before i was strong enough to fight back #and the daughter she expects to do better than she did. the golden child. my brother is allowed to do worse. im not #plus shes mad i have a bf who treats me like a queen every day since i was 14 lol cope harder etc #like whenever she meets him she tries to convince him that im shitty and lazy and too mentally ill to have a future 💀💀💀 #im sorry you tried to fuck up my life but i still managed to be lucky enough to have people who love me idk!

[oorevitcejda]

god i hate march so much

#i LOVE THE IDES #but march was a horrible month for me like 5 fucking years ago and it still makes me wanna commit #all the cides. homo sui geno #'im naming them on my suicide note' #all 6 of them fucks #like after the ides its just wrestling with ptsd from the first time i tried to kms #and then its april 1st and my bday makes me wanna live again #and it DID NOT help that i was discriminated against ealier this year #anywho #i hate #so much #ti talks #suucide ment in the tags

[mylovelo-ak]

— crocheting a reversible octopus for the sully brothers

navi

one of the "human" things you loved to do even after becoming na'vi was crocheting. and what better than to crochet your lover a plush?

warnings: a swear word, kind of ooc?

a/n: reader is human turned na'vi; i love crocheting. last post maybe ?? for a few days bc school starts tmr!! haha!! kms!! might have mistakes im hella sleepy

lo'ak sully

— "what the fuck is that?"

you've crocheted lo'ak countless of things before, so he was no stranger to your habit and gifts

but this?

— "it looks like a head with a bunch of queues."

— "lo'ak! how dare you!"

when you finish crocheting he isn't less confused, he's even more puzzled when you start turning it inside out

— "it's reversible! isn't that cool?"

— "sure, if i knew what it is."

you explained that it was a reversible octopus to help him express his feelings

and lo'ak 100% keeps his feelings to himself bc he never wants to "burden" you

def the type to js be all pouty instead of outright telling you why he's upset

refuses to use it at first

— "why can't i just tell you how i feel?"

— "because you hardly ever do, lo'ak."

grumbles and finally gives in

one day you head back to your marui after a long day of hunting w aonung and tsireya

he looks jealous and upset but you can't tell

you js talk to him like normal until you realize he's giving you one-word responses

so u ask him if he's okay and he js

— "i'm !!! mad !!! i used ur octopoo and you still can't tell i'm mad !!!"

turns out the octopoo was hidden in a corner somewhere upset with u [ >:( ]

— "well maybe if you didn't hide the octopus, i could actually give you the kisses and cuddles you want."

starts using it like a voucher for kisses/hugs after that

sleeps with it when he misses you a lot

"lo'ak i'm so sorry—" you stopped, clamping your hand over your mouth to not wake the sleeping boy.

you planned to go stargazing with him a few hours earlier but now it was way past eclipse, and he, unfortunately, had fallen asleep. there was a knot in his eyebrows and a frown on his face. in his arms, the octopus was squeezed tightly, however that didn't hide the angry >:[ glare of it.

neteyam sully

— "is this for me?"

probably watched you crochet a lot

likes to keep track of what you make and helps motivate you

you make him model your work sometimes

— "(name) says this skirt is so slay."

— kiri: "slay???"

he found the octopus very cute, and was willing to try it out

— "so i just turn it inside out when i'm sad?"

neteyam strikes me as the type to be obvious about what he feels, but he wouldn't vocalize it per se, you'll have to be good at catching cues

shows it off a lot to his family

— "look what (name) made me !!"

— kiri: "is that slay too?"

the first thing you see when you go to see neteyam is the sad plush seated comfortably in his hands. he's looking out onto the water, seemingly deep in thought.

"hi, you wanna talk about it?"

he shook his head and leaned against you, head tilted on your shoulder. even though he felt a lot better being able to express his negative feelings a lot easier, he still felt shy about ranting.

but this was more than enough for him, having you beside him, synchronized hearts beating in understanding.

#atwow #lo'ak x reader #lo'ak #atwow x reader #avatar the way of the water #avatar x reader #lo'ak sully #neteyam #avatar #avatar 2 #neteyam headcannons #neteyam fanfiction #neteyam imagine #neteyam x reader #neteyam sully #lo'ak headcannnons #lo'ak te suli tsyeyk'itan #lo'ak headcannons #mature

[taotaoirl]

in my head, gojo and geto sang this post break-up (canon) (i am gege)

another love - tom odell

gojo:

I wanna take you somewhere so you know I care But it's so cold and I don't know where

I brought you daffodils in a pretty string But they won't flower like they did last spring

And I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright I'm just so tired to share my nights

I wanna cry and I wanna love But all my tears have been used up

geto:

And if somebody hurts you, I wanna fight But my hand's been broken one too many times

So I'll use my voice, I'll be so fucking rude Words, they always win, but I know I'll lose

And I'd sing a song that'd be just ours But I sang 'em all to another heart

And I wanna cry, I wanna learn to love But all my tears have been used up

i am about to km/s actually. especially the geto part "and if somebody hurts you, i wanna fight, but my hand's been broken one too many times" it is literally the scene in which geto tries to fight against kenjaku ARGHGHGHGHhghghhgh im gonna pass out fr yeah i've been thinking abt this all day, i'll write a fic abt it soon, so here's a little something from my notes app that i plan to incorporate into the fic (idk how it'll turn out:

geto has always been there, he always has.  so when gojo turns around, when he brings up an old joke, or brings home soba noodles, he still half-expected geto to be there, because he always has been, and he promised he always will be.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jjk spoilers #jujustu kaisen #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #jujutsu gojo #jjk gojo #jjk satoru #satosugu #geto suguru #satosugu angst #suguru geto #satoru gojo #satosugu jjk #jjk satosugu

[dear-ao3]

we stan the pollution queen taylor swift 🥰🥰

people online when they have no concept of the idea that u can enjoy something and still criticize it.

i can like taylor swifts music while understanding she has done shitty things.

some of you out there need to get off tumblr, and see the real world where theres actual complexity to everyone and everything and stop this fucking nonsense. you all make me tired.

these "gotcha for doing something problematic" shit makes me tired. this is why i dont wanna mod this blog, bc i am tired of you all being incapable of critical thinking. this is not the first goddamn time this has happened.

between transphobia, asks telling me to kms, and this "gotcha" nonsense are all bullshit.

get offline, and live outside of tumblr.

happy new year, im very excited to unmod myself.

have fun dealing with this bullshit saph.

love everyone of u thats capable of critical thinking <3

katya cat rankings will be posted on my main, @ainti-pretty

#from katya #not a tag

[hanggarae]

big deep breath OK SO . ive been so excited for this comeback like idk with every new cb i feel like i get even more excited than with the precious one yk so i was really waiting for it to come out!! they released the mv while i was in class (they hate me) but during a little break not long after i managed to watch it and i was bobbing my head and swinging my feet at the sound LJKE U DONT GET IT I WAS GENUINELY SO HAPPY

honestly this is one of my fav svt albums and idk it just makes me so happy all the songs are so perfect and good there's not a single one i don't enjoy and the aesthetic is so cute and im so excited and impatient to FINALLY HAVE MY ALBUM IN MY HANDS ARGHHHH but yes this was such a success im so happy they broke so many records and they just continue to prove how talented they are wooooo

for the songs there isn't one i dislike at all but i really like SOS idk the beat js so nice and the lyrics are really good and this may be also due to me loving marshmello when i was younger but STILL !!! Diamond days makes me SOOOOO NOSTALGIC i love it so much im so glad they used kind off the same sound/sample as Shining Diamond im in love 💔💔 i think back 2 back is my fav song of the album!! i love minghaos highnote and the beat and just the overal vibe idk it stood out to me sm their voices fit the song so well im obsessed with the part around 1.30 where dino and hao sing in like a low voice? YGM BUT ITS SOOOOO GOOD just the entire song is so good i think tbh i have a soft spot for pu songs 😭😭😭😭 i haven't had much the time to really analyze yawn but the soft voices and vocals are heavenly i genuinely passed away BECAUSE YOU ARE MY BREATH 💔💔💔💔 LIKE WDYM UR MY BREATH WHY IS THIS SONG MAKING ME TEAR UP DONT EVEN LIE RNNN monster is such a fun song i just know I'll play it on repeat like fire while im walking to uni to wake me up and get me in study mode 💥💥💥 it's giving Halloween vibes and im here for it!!!! it's also just fun to me because my roommate/bsf and i bet on who sang the first line and she swore it was gyu and i swore it was vernon and today we didn't see each other much so like 1h ago she told me she saw in a lyric vid that gyu sang that line and i was like ??? girl i have weverse and i follow it religiously so ik it's both of them AND WE COULDNT AGREE BECAUSE WE DIDNT HAVE ANY PROOF so i ended up showing her weverse and it was so fun we were both right in the end and we did a silly dance LMAOOAOOOO IT WAS SO FUNNY 😻😻😻😻 but lemme tell u about headliner. FUCK THAT SONG BRO WHY AM I CRYING ??????? no it's actually my fav song along back 2 back like are u actually kidding me ???? this song makes me wanna study even more for my Korean classes like FUCK HEADLINER SO BAD 💔😭😭😭😭😭 I CRY AND LAUGH WITH YOU THIS NIGHT💔💔💔💔💔 WHERE WE OFFER ALL OUR LOVE💔💔💔💔 HOW BEAUTIFUL💔💔💔💔💔 BEVAHSE YOURE MY HEADLINER 💔💔💔💔💔 this moment when we shine together don't lie rn I'll actually kms and take a bath with my toaster like wow jumping of the 9th floor of the apartment building next door seems like such a fun activity today 😻😻😻😻😻😻

RIGHT OMG I WAS LITERALLY TUNING IN EVERYDAY AT 12 AM KST TO SEE IF THEY DROPPED FHE ANNOUNCEMENT AND WHEN THEY DID I WAS SOOOOO HYPED ‼️ like fml was SO huge i couldn’t wait for this one ALSO THE MV LITERALLY RELEASED DURING A PRACTICE FIRE DRILL FOR ME 😭😭

it genuinely is one of my faves too, like although the songs aren’t necessarily my fave of each unit (i still LOVE each one) the album was just so well put together ?? everything flowed perfectly and like usually it’ll take me like two or three listens to like some songs but i listened to the album start to finish ONCE and fell in love w EVERYTHING i’m not even kidding ❤️‍🔥 I CANR WAIT FOR MY ALBUMD TO GET HERE AYSHSHAHDJHS

right like there wasn’t a bad song at all !!! my fave has to be headliner bc it’s just so fucking emotional like woozi why u got me crying on the train home 😐😐😐 it gives me MAJOR our dawn is hotter than day vibes which i love sm !! the whole album vibes reminded me a little of you make my day a little i think it’s just me but yeah ‼️ i LOVED back 2 back too omg perf unit ALWAYS hits and YAWN OMG 😓 every track was amazing 😓😓😓 STOP THE DEBATES ON THE MONSTER FIRST LINE LMFAAOAOAO 😭😭 speaking of monster, cheol’s part.. changed me . i loved SOS too omg it gave such like band vibes ??

ALSO HELPPPPP HEADLINER’S LYRICS OMG 😓😓 my mom heard me listen to it and said “girl why are u listening to such sad lyrics..”

#dori .. 🪼 #seventeenth heaven we luv you

[d1et-cok3]

Hey so i know i haven't posted in a month or two and im sorry about that but for like all of November Ive been in a binge cycle and i cant stop its genuinely scares me how much i eat and im constantly hungry i an feel my body begging for food and Ive recently started looking forward to meals which is terrifying i can see myself getting fatter instead of skinnier and it makes me wanna die i just want to stop eating but its getting so fucking hard to even skip one meal then i get home i eat more its like all my self control is gone and all my progress is going down the drain im horrified of getting back into the 170s i was so huge and at least right now im not as big as before but Ive been smaller even though i never really been small in the first place Ive been fat all my life and i need to break the cycle and be the skinniest one in my family and friend group i want to look pretty in clothes and be able to shower without wanting to drown myself right then and there and i cant help but notice how many times Ive said im getting back on track but it never works i miss my honeymoon phase when i dropped like 15 pounds in a month then it all just kid of froze and i gained and dropped the same weight for like 3 months and now im gaining even more and it feels like im suffocating in it in all of the food i eat and my fat i miss almost passing out when i stood up and always being dizzy i miss the dread when it came to eating not me squealing like a pig in excitement i can tell its bad when i finish my food or get seconds or eat faster or let myself get dirty plus i broke my phone so i cant track everything as efficiently especially because of school and its been really hard and i don't have a scale and i can feel clothes that were getting looser getting tight again and its mortifying i want to die or just bleed out i want to cut all the fat out of my body and just be skinny i know i need to love the process but its hurts and this cycle has hurt me worse physically and mentally then starving ever did i miss bruising easily being pale and looking like i hadn't slept or ate in days i wish that i didn't give in so easily its embarrassing how sometimes i ask if someones hungry and they say no but i eat anyway my brain still judges people for being fat when there skinnier than me and it hurts because i wish that i could be that skinny and eat food without gaining its not fair people in my school say that they wanna be fat or gain lots of weight and i tell them why they don't but they don't understand how much worse literally my whole life is because of it sorry about my ramble i just am struggling to cope with his and a lot of shit is happening in my life and me losing control is not helping i hope this is the last time i have to say this but i am going to be getting my life together and i will be skinny my goal was to be skinny by Christmas while i know that cant happen now kms but i can be skinnier and i can be better then now i hope to weigh less than my sister for once and get the smaller size unlike now when i bet a size bigger every time people will buy us stuff and she gets a small and i get a medium and there like i hope it fits like im not that fat damn but there right Jesus that was a lot to type anyways wish me luck and i really hope this works ill try and update you on my progress but i might forget lol. bye thank you.

November 29th 2023

#tw ed diet #tw ana trigger #tw disordered eating #tw ana diary #an0r3c1a #thinspø #pro a4a #ed not sheeren #ed no sheeran #st4rv1ng #rant #im not okay #sk1nn1

[thatkdpoh]

Introduction i think?

Ok so I’ve been like really excited to do this I don’t know why but this is I think controversy? I don’t know how controversy works but this is how it happened.

I am 12 yrs old, My height is 5,1 and holy shit wanna kms but I am 130 pounds. This will flucate and idk how to spell it but it’s like a line with a dot in the front or end and it goes left to right so I flucate to 130 to 140 I hate that.

How I know about ED/Backstory/rant (cringy ik sorry :c :

I was always a fat kid and I’ve hated it, I understand that I didn’t care about my weight but when I was like what 8 to 9 whenever my dad would say cow to me in taqvaylit I don’t know how to write it but I know something’s like amcic or tizizwith or afkroune which is cat, bee and turtle in that order. I would feel self conscious and sometimes cry to because I’m very sensitive which is like cringy i know lol. My heaviest had to been this year like 140 pounds but I think it was water weight and shit. Anyways my mom tried to get me to fast and she would force me or smth maybe not force but like tried to get me to lose weight. She’d say it directly and it would always make me feel bad but like I understand being 130 for like 8 yrs or 9 to 12 is very heavy and embarrassing considering I always saw kids would be more skinner than me I’d feel very bad. Until recently like last year in 6th grade I was reading fanfics of a human au of TMNT i didnt know what ED’s were so when it showed up the word bulimia I thought it meant bullshit but it didn’t sound right so I searched it up and saw the symptoms that’s when I also learned about anorexia and pica etc. When I saw the symptoms I started copying them now this is the part that I think is controversy I copied the symptoms which I know was bad but I was fucking lazy and still am couldn’t do a workout for the life of me or restrict food, I was used to eating a lot and when I saw the symptoms I copied them and they worked!! I loved it and then the minute I knew how to starve myself, I actually don’t know how to continue with that but I didn’t know how much of a deeper hole I got into but I really loved it and still do EMBARRASING. I did do exercise I did like 100 sit ups a day which did nothing but it did make my body ache and stopped, 5th grade was the worst out of all my grades for now but 6th might be second but it wasn’t that bad just a lot of crying and seeing how fat I am made me cry that’s it. Now if I don’t starve at all or try too I would feel like shit. In 6th grade I also saw that purging was a symptom so I made myself throw up but only if I ate way to fucking much and I’m so bloated it hurts and I can’t take the pressure so I throw up just to take off a little pressure and go back but then I’d feel sick which sucked :C. When Ramandan came though I was A BEAST not an actual beast but like it was my oppertuinity to fast without anyone questioning because I live in a studio apartment with 5 other people that are my family >_<. Obviously with my blabber mouth which I hate told everything to my mom but I think she thinks that I’m ok now :D. Any way I’d only eat 5 tablespoons of soup every night and I was very tired and I lost 6 pounds!! Which isn’t a lot but I made it to 124 pounds!! But then I gained it all back in summer break, cried, tried to fast for 3 days but fainted on the 36 hour?? I’m not sure because when I stopped the fast because my mom told me to eat and spoiler alert I cried cause I have little bitchitas if u know Kubz scouts u know. I paused at the 38 hour so like 36 is my highest to fast which is embarrassing again. ANYWAY NOW IM IN 7TH GRADE STUGGLIJG EITH THIS THINGY :]] I sound like those I guess I deserve it heh thing but like no I’m not seriously I just wanted to be silly. Anyway I’m gonna try that ABC diet which I think seems kind of mid to hard but I think fitnesspal would help me with it <33

BYE EVERYONE HAVE A GREAT DAY OR NIGHT HAVE A GREAT THANKSGIVING SND MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! :33

#i need to lose so much weight #thinner is better #@na tips #@tw edd #ed bullshit #th1nsp1ration #thigh g4p #tw ed but not sheeran #@na vent #4ana #proana. #pro a4a #ana dairy #ana rant #tw ana diary #tw ana trigger

[muttfangs]

.

being back on dating apps sincerely wants to make me kms simultaneously however, I **know** they're designed to make you feel defeated so you pay for """premium features""" so the app actually works the way it was intended to does not mean I'm fully immune to it making me feel undesirable & like utter shit tho, especially since most of my friends are partnered or dating new ppl now soooooooooo it makes me (wrongly, but still does) think like "what's wrong with me and why do I keep attracting people who think of me as an afterthought" "nobody wants to be with me because I'm clingy and pathetic" etc fr tho. how come it's so fucking hard to find a mutual connection where my effort and genuine curiosity and wanting to know someone will be reciprocated? when will I stop being a fuck n dump? I know im hot and cool and good at sex. I dont give a shit. I want love. I want care. I want SOMEONE TO BE WITH ME. ON PURPOSE. it makes me literally feel so fucking insane in a bad way and I REALLY wish I wasn't so obsessed with finding a partner but??? like dawg I've been single for over 2 yrs. and this recent incident w/ the person I **thought** I was mutually dating, who I had earnest and real feelings for, who lied to me the entire time **KNOWINGLY** was just. it makes me feel like shit. like all I ever will be, is used. it makes me feel like my 'purpose' is to fill in the cracks for people when they feel momentarily lonely, and then throw me away as soon as they find someone they actually want to be with. and I fucking hate it. that shit starts to hurt you on a deep, subliminal level and makes you feel like shit all the time even though those "nobody wants me" "theres definitely something wrong with me" thoughts aren't based in any sort of reality I'm not the type of person who defines myself by having a relationship, at all. and I'm VERY wary of that shit bc codependency is never a road I wanna traverse ever again. but when you're single nonstop for YEARS and getting used for 'fun' nonstop when you attempt to connect w/ ppl it does fuck with you!!!!!!!!!! a lot!!!!!!!!! and it's super painful!!!!!!!

#barking into the void #I can only do readmores if I do a specific ritual with tumblr these days. functional webbed site #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!! AGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HHHH

[zvdvdlvr]

ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ

s.ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: sɪʀɪᴜs, & ʏ/ɴ ɪs ᴀ sᴇɴsɪᴛɪᴠᴇ sᴜʙᴊᴇᴄᴛ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʜᴇ ғɪɴᴅs ᴏᴜᴛ ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴍᴇᴛ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴅᴇᴍɪsᴇ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ Sɪʀɪᴜs ᴡᴀs ɪɴ ᴀᴢᴋᴀʙᴀɴ.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: sʜɪᴛᴛʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ, ғʟᴜғғ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴀɴɢsᴛ ᴛʜᴇɴ ғʟᴜғғ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴀɴɢsᴛ. ɴᴏ ʀᴇsᴛ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪᴄᴋᴇᴅ, ᴇʜ?

ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴘʀᴏɴᴏᴜɴs: ᴛʜᴇʏ/ᴛʜᴇᴍ

and lmfaooo my mini breakdown at the end kms

a 13 year old sirius sprinted down the corridor, laughing loudly, smoke in his hand as he was chased by his lover.

laughing hysterically as he turned a corner, he relaxed against the wall and fell slowly, closing his eyes as tears streamed sown his face from how hard he was laughing.

he heard y/n fall into the wall right by the corner, trying and failing to smother the loud giggles escaping their mouth. their hand reached out to try to steady themself on sirius, who was now laying down completely.

y/n started, still choking on laughter, "that- that fucking joke-" dissolved into more laughter before continuing, " it was so fucking bad!" they shrieked.

sirius was absolutely rolling. "thats why its so funny!"

♤

sirius blinked. no way he heard right. no way, in the entire reality, was it possible for them to be dead.

this is just a cruel, cruel, joke, thought sirius.

"'m sorry pads..." remus said, sympathetically.

the sadness leaking out of remus's eyes hit sirius like a strong stunning spell.

♤

"sirius-sirius please, leave. i know how this-" teary eyed y/n pleaded to the dark haired man.

"how?! how do you know?! this will work. y/n! it will! no one will get hurt! we'll-" he insisted desperately. his dark eyes frantically searching y/n's eyes, hollow and sunken.

"darling-" y/n tried, yet sirius kept talking.

running his hands through his hair over and over again, he started pacing. "we can finish this mission, yeah? and-and then-"

y/n threw their head back. "sirius listen to me! I've thought this out, all of it."

he looked at y/n, tired, desperate. "i know, b-but-" he closed his eyes. "i cant lose you and regulus. i pushed him away, and thats my fault, but i have a choice now and i wanna-" he explained breathlessly.

"darling, im not reggie. you aren't pushing me away. I'll- how about this? we'll step back from this mission okay? okay? you with me m'love?" at the mention of Regulus' name, sirius stopped pacing and turned his back to y/n.

as y/n approached sirius, muffled cries came from sirius. only a light touch caused sirius to turn into y/n's embrace, warm and loving.

y/n exhaled shakily. "we wont go on the mission. no one gets hurt, no one dies. that okay lovie?"

sirius quivered, yet nodded.

leading him to the bedroom, y/n played with his fingers.

♤

sirius imagined so many things. y/n writhing on the ground, pleading for mercy. y/n getting impaled in the stomach looking around for a hand to grab before falling to the unwelcoming ground and all of the crimson blood leaking from their body. it was so fucking morbid, but sirius had to know what happened.

"how did it happen?" sirius asked emotionlessly, one night at dinner.

remus closed his eyes and sighed. he opened his mouth.

"please dont tell me im not ready to know." sirius said.

remus's jaw clenched. releasing a shaky breath, he nodded. "yeah, yeah. i know, you need to know, i just- it-" he took a deep breath. "they were going on an... errand... for dumbledore. on the way... they were taken." remus blinked.

remus continued, "it was a division of death eaters... they were recording things for evidence and we found the recording device. they were asked all this- they were tortured, pads. it was horrible. it was so- and they were so sarcastic the whole time, like they always were. it was almost- in the end... uhm," he blew out a big breath and wiped away his tears. "from what we gathered, they were, uh... they bled out."

sirius was crying. "what were their last words?"

remus winced. "they were, uh, told to beg. beg for their life. their last few words were, when they had given up fighting, they said 'tell him i was in his side'."

ew this is absolute shit

(unedited)

lmfao thats why this is so shitty, bc its unedited, jules, jesus fuck

#sirius black #x reader #angst angst angst #angst angst baby #harry potter #angst #female reader #male reader #sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #sirius black x y/n #sirius black x you #sirius black angst #hehe #x gender neutral reader