#fyi she’s not crying there for any particular reason I was just in a bad mood and took it out on her lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

scuttling · 3 years

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Stay at Home DILF

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Female Reader Word Count: 5,863 Tags: 18+, NSFW, Dad Bod Hotch, Insecure Hotch, Oral sex, Fingering, Unprotected sex, A little angsty by accident Summary: Aaron retires from the BAU when the new baby is born, but a year later the lack of structure, sleep, and time for himself means changes to his body he's not very proud of. When the thought of having another child is brought up, how will he and his wife work through his insecurities to make the perfectly imperfect, happy family? *Requested by anon Link to A03 or read below! “Honey, I have to get going—do you need me to drop Jack off at school, or are you good?” Professor Hotchner slides her foot into a flesh-toned pump, leaning against the kitchen table for support and stealing a grape from Jack’s fruit salad. He narrows his eyes, then sticks out his tongue, and she does the same. “Do you want me to starve, Jackrabbit?”

“You won’t starve. Get your own grapes.” So full of sass, that one. Seven is such a fun age. She decides to blame the mixture of Aaron’s genes and Haley’s, and she pulls out her phone to send Haley a quick text.

Your son is a menace in the morning.

Haley: Gets that from his dad.

Aaron enters the kitchen, holding their one year old daughter Mia, and he sticks her in her highchair, puts her breakfast in front of her, and leans toward his wife.

“I’m good, I’ll take him,” he says, and kisses her lips. “Mia and I will take big brother Jack to school, won’t we?” Mia is obsessed with Jack—her first word was Jack, or rather, Ack, which was super cute—so she giggles happily, and her mother can’t help but smile. Their little family is absolutely perfect.

She leans in for another kiss from Aaron, and then another, and then maybe one more...

“You’re getting distracted,” Jack says, and she looks over at him with a raised eyebrow, then back to Aaron. He shrugs.

“It was on one of his vocabulary sheets.” Figures.

“Well, maybe I find my boys distracting. Let me give you kisses and we’ll find out!” She launches herself at him, kissing his head and his cheeks, and he laughs, and she knows she’s going to be late for work, but she can’t pass up moments like these, she just can’t.

She gives him a hug and tells him to have a good day, then she kisses Mia, and then she puts her arms around Aaron’s neck and kisses him goodbye. Before she pulls away, something comes over her—the warmth of this perfect morning, the overwhelming love for both of their sassy, silly kids, or maybe the fact that they’ve been too busy for sex lately and she’s constantly horny for him—and she looks up at him and whispers, “we should have another baby.”

Aaron grins immediately.

“Yeah we should.” They kiss a few more times, quickly, smiling against each other's lips, and he pats her hip because he knows she has to go. “We’ll talk more later, but yes. I want to. I love you.” He takes her face in his hands and kisses her deeply, and she sighs, grabs her bags, and heads out the door. Work is work; as the youngest professor in the English department, her schedule is jam packed with classes, lectures, morning office hours, but despite all that, it seems that Aaron is having the more difficult day.

They both love that he was able to retire from the BAU early to be a stay at home dad when Mia was born—he does consult for them occasionally, but has no official title, doesn’t have to travel—and he’s amazing at it, but she knows her baby can be a handful even on a good day. The texts she’s been getting all morning only solidify that knowledge.

Aaron: FYI - Mia hates bananas this week.

Aaron: What do they put in this applesauce, crack? She’s tearing around here like a bat out of hell.

Aaron: Okay, she’s your child, I officially renounce her. I put on The White Album and she started crying.

Maybe she prefers Abbey Road?

Aaron: No. Unlike her mother, she has taste.

You wound me, Hotchner.

She works through lunch, grading papers on The Call of the Wild, but when Aaron’s name lights up the display on her phone, she puts her pen down and smiles, puts it on speaker.

She’s sorry she did, because Mia is wailing in the background, and it’s very clearly her, I’m exhausted, asshole, leave me alone, cry, which makes her wonder why she’s not taking a nap. She knows she resists Aaron sometimes, doesn’t want him to leave her alone in her room, which is so sweet and also so, so annoying.

“Hi, sweetheart. Are you having a little trouble over there?” He takes a deep breath and sighs.

“She won’t go down, baby, even if I sit in the rocking chair beside her. It’s been twenty minutes.” Wow. He put up with it longer than she would have.

“Put her in her crib with Stuffy Bear and just let her cry; I know you hate that, but she’ll give up eventually.” He groans softly.

“I can’t; I feel so bad.”

She smiles. Her warm-hearted man.

“She does this because she knows you’ll give in and do whatever she wants. I promise you, she’ll be happier for it; she sounds miserable.”

“I don’t know…” he says, and she can tell he’s not going to do it. She picks up her pen and skims the paper she abandoned.

“Are you tired?” She doesn't wait for an answer, because she knows he is: Jack had a bad dream last night and woke them both up, and Aaron went to lay with him until he fell asleep because he knew she had an early morning. It was almost time for her alarm when he made it back to bed. “If you want to try to nap, she’s going to have to nap. Do it for her, yourself, me, a combination of the three of us. She won’t be mad at you; she won’t even remember.”

“What if I give her abandonment issues?” he presses, and she closes her eyes for a moment.

“Aaron, I love you so much. You’re such a great dad, and our kids are lucky to have you. But you have to loosen the reins just a little, especially if… if we are going to have another baby.” The thought makes her smile, and she can tell he’s smiling down the line, too.

“Right. Loosen the reins. Just put her in her crib,” she can hear that he does that, “and give her Stuffy Bear, and let her cry.” He blows out a breath, and she can hear the door click shut behind him as he leaves her room. She’s proud of him, but she also knows he’s going to sit in front of the video monitor and watch to make sure she falls asleep, and that he’ll probably work on laundry after that and not actually take a nap of his own.

He insists he’s doing fine when she brings it up, but the way he sacks out like a corpse when they get into bed doesn’t exactly have her convinced.

“I love you, and miss you,” he says when it’s slightly quieter, though she can faintly hear the cries through the monitor. “It made me really happy this morning when you said we should have another baby. We make perfect babies, have you noticed?” She hides her grin behind her hand, because if anyone walked by her office they’d think she’s insane with how widely she’s smiling.

“I have noticed, but since we only have the one and I can’t take any credit for Jack, I figured we should probably make another. Maybe the same way we made Mia…” They’re both convinced it was a weekend when Jack was at Haley’s and the two of them went to town on each other, true marathon sex where they only stopped for food and water and she coaxed him to hardness so many times she felt like a damn sex goddess.

“Hmm. I remember that with fondness, and would love to do that again. You know Haley said she’d take Mia on one of Jack’s weekends if we ever needed her to.”

Her life is pretty damn perfect, with her gorgeous, caring husband, and her two awesome kiddos, and a job she loves, but the most unexpectedly sweet part is that Haley is so comfortable with her, and that she and Aaron were able to get past the ugliness of their divorce to eventually become friends again. It’s not something they take for granted.

“Maybe we should take her up on it this weekend,” she says, trying to sound a little sultry. “We’ve both been so busy; it’s been a while since you pet my kitty.” For some reason, this particular phrase makes Aaron blush and get insanely horny, and she’s hoping to tease him so much the rest of the week that their weekend is one neither of them ever forget, so she’s pulling out the big guns.

“It’s been far too long, and I’m sorry. I can’t wait, baby. I’ll call her here in a few; I know you have to get to your next lecture.” She looks down at her watch, and it is about time to clean up and head over. She sighs happily down the line.

“Okay, I love and miss you; try to take a power nap. I promise, she’ll be fine.”

“I will.” He won’t. “Talk to you soon.” When she gets home, Aaron has dinner ready; she told him to hold off, that she’d help when she got there, but he has always been an overachiever.

Mia is already in her high-chair, waiting patiently for once in her little life; she kisses her forehead, breathes in her sweet baby smell, and then makes her way to her husband.

“Looks good, honey,” she says as he sets the table, and she leans up for a kiss, but when she presses her hand to his stomach like she always does, he pulls back a little. “Is everything okay? Did you have a bad afternoon?”

“No, it wasn’t bad after the nap fiasco,” he responds, but he sounds distracted. Maybe he was asked to look at a case, or something, and that’s still on his mind? She leans against his shoulder, puts a hand on his back and attempts to push up his t-shirt, to skim her hand up along his spine, which always comforts him, but again, he shifts away from her touch. She sighs and steps back.

“You're going to give me a complex, Aaron. If I did something to upset you, please tell me so I can apologize and try to make it better.” He turns to look at her face, and his formerly tense jaw softens a little; he presses his lips to hers, just a peck.

“No, you didn’t do anything. I’m just a little tired, that’s all.” He smiles softly, and she’s sure he is tired, but this seems like something more.

“You’d tell me if something else was bothering you, right? You know I’m here for you.”

“Of course I would, and of course I do. I love you,” he breathes against her mouth, and then he goes in for a longer kiss and she gets, as Jack said earlier, a little distracted. When the kiss breaks, she sighs happily.

“I love you. Missed those lips,” she murmurs, and then she runs a hand over his hair. “If the kids wake up again tonight, I’ll get them. You need to rest.” He shakes his head.

“You have another full day tomorrow,” he counters, and it’s so sweet that he keeps up with the schedule she has posted on the fridge, but still. She puts her hand on her hip.

“And you don’t? It’s my turn. Let me help.” He looks like he wants to argue, but she gives him the glare he knows means she will talk about this all night if he doesn’t agree; she’s not the sponsor of the university’s debate team for nothing, and even his prosecutorial ways have nothing on her.

“Okay,” he sighs, and she smiles and kisses him and then goes to get Jack and make sure he’s cleaned up for dinner.

That night when the two of them are getting ready for bed, she’s surprised as hell when he stops her from pulling one of his t-shirts—her typical sleepwear—over her head. She sets it down, arches her brow, and he guides her back onto the bed with a grin and puts his hands on her hips.

“What’s happening right now?” she asks, because before Mia, sure, Aaron would treat her to all manner of orgasm-inducing behavior at random, and she would do the same, but since Mia—especially in the last six months or so—their sexual encounters have been few and far between. It’s no one’s fault, and they’re both very clearly still attracted to each other; it’s just one of those things that falls by the wayside when you have a new baby and a hectic life and you don’t get enough sleep.

Needless to say, she is a little confused by this turn of events.

“I’m attempting to worship my gorgeous fucking wife,” he murmurs, and he leans up and kisses her stomach, licks a long line up from her belly button. Her breath hitches. “Gonna put another little baby in here—but it’s always beautiful.” He slowly moves his lips higher, over her ribcage, and holds her there. “You’re perfect, you know?”

“Aaron.” Her fingers come up to sweep through his hair; her heart aches with love and tenderness. He moves up, presses open-mouthed kisses to each of her breasts, then covers them with his hands and squeezes. She’s a panting, dripping mess, and more than anything she wants to strip him naked, pull him closer, get him inside her.

“I love you just as you are; I want you just as you are. Always have, always will.” He smooths his hands up over her throat, and brings her mouth to his for a deep, soulful kiss. She hadn’t even realized she’s been feeling repressed, but his touch tonight makes her feel so beautiful and special… It's incredible how close she is from only that.

“Make love to me,” she whispers, and he kisses her again, but then he slides back down her body.

“Want to taste you,” he says instead, and he gets his hands on her hips again and his mouth on her pussy, looks up at her while he licks and sucks like he’s gone without for ages—which he has, she figures, but it’s blowing her mind, her fingers scratching at the sheets, her neck arched. He massages her hips as his tongue works, as he grinds against the bed, and she comes with a whimper, because her body is so overwhelmed by how good she feels that she can’t even properly vocalize it.

Aaron comes up, just a little, rests his head on her stomach, and she smooths her hands over his hair and his shoulders, since that’s all she can reach.

“Come up and let me touch you—or you can come inside me.” She will happily take either option, but he just kisses her belly and shakes his head.

“No, I’m good. Just really tired.” She frowns, can’t recall a time in her life when they didn’t both get off during sex; he catches her expression and runs his hands up her body. “Really, I’m okay. I just wanted to do that before I passed out.” He smiles, and she doesn’t like it, but he climbs off of her and goes to the bathroom, and she pulls on the t-shirt and crawls into bed. Two days later, she’s sitting in her office grading tests when she hears a knock at the door. She looks up, and it’s Aaron, of course, looking so gorgeous in a black polo and jeans.

“Hey, what are you doing here? Where’s Mia?” she asks with a smile. He leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

“She’s with her Aunt Penelope for a few hours.”

“Why? Is everything okay?” Penelope is at work, she knows, because she texted her earlier about something unrelated and she’d mentioned that she and Spencer were having coffee and that he said hello.

“Everything‘s fine,” he assures her, and he enters the room fully, closes the door behind him… and locks it. “Can’t your husband come visit you during your super secret not-really-office-hours?” She raises an eyebrow, both at his question and the fact that he locked the door. What exactly is he planning to do, she wonders?

“You can, but you don’t. I guess I’m just surprised.”

“Well today I decided to. I missed you so much.” He walks around her desk and leans over her for a couple of kisses. “Have you missed me?” She rolls her eyes, smiles.

“Of course I missed you. I miss you every second I’m away from you.” She reaches out, wants to hug him, pull him closer, but he takes a step back and crooks his finger, encouraging her to follow him.

He’s being really weird, but he’s also being really hot. She decides to play along.

She stands, walks over to him, and he carefully clears a spot on her desk, knows she has a system and doesn’t like a mess; when she’s within reach, he puts his hands on her waist and lifts her up onto it, her ass where a stack of tests had just been. Fuck.

“I want to get this dress off of you,” he says, voice low, and he takes her face in his hands and kisses her, rough and deep. “Can I take it off, baby? Can I make you come?”

Everything is happening so fast her head is spinning—it’s not like him to just show up at her office, to try to have sex with her there, especially when their dry spell has been, up until recently, like the damn Sahara.

He must sense her confusion, her apprehension, because he kisses slowly along the side of her throat, down the v-neck of her dress, making her eyelids flutter.

“The door’s locked, and no one even knows we’re in here. Can I take it off?” She pants, thinks about this for a second, but then he slides a hand over her thigh, pushing her skirt up, and she gets a little distracted. She nods, and he kisses her hard and unties the sash of her wrap dress, pushes it off her shoulders. She’s glad she wore a matching set of bra and panties, because this is like prime fantasy material and she wants to try to remember every detail.

He kisses her mouth, soft and sweet, then tugs the straps of her bra down her shoulders, pulls the cups down so her breasts fall out of them. She moans, a little startled, and he dips his head to mouth at her nipples, rests one hand on her lower back and one on her stomach—probably because she looks like she’s about to slide off the desk and onto the floor like a blob of jelly. She knows that’s how she feels.

When he’s gotten her thoroughly worked up, almost trembling with the need for more, he pushes her panties aside and presses a finger into her, and she whimpers, wraps her hand around his neck for support when he starts to pump it deeply inside.

“What has gotten into you?” she breathes, and her hips chase the pleasure he brings; the hand on her back moves to her ass, squeezes it.

“I love you and I want you. I want to make you happy, I want you to feel good.”

“Me—me too,” she gasps as he moves faster, staring right into his eyes. “I love you, want you. Want to make you happy, feel good.” She cards her fingers through his hair and stretches for a desperate, eager kiss. “I want you so badly, baby, please.”

“I’m right here. You have me,” he murmurs, but that’s not what she means and he has to know it. Just in case he doesn’t, though, she makes herself loud and clear; relationships are all about communication, after all.

“I want you to put your cock in my pussy, I want you to come in me. I want you to fucking ruin me, Aaron, I want you to shove your dick in me and keep shoving.” She sounds unhinged, but she can’t stop.

He adds a second finger—not what she wants—and roughly gropes her breast—it feels so good, but it’s not what she wants. Why won’t he give her what she wants?

“Shh, just come on my hand, it’s okay. I’ll fuck you later, in our bed, baby,” he promises. “Just come now, okay? Right here, right now for me.”

She does, because even if he’s being unnecessarily aggravating, it’s still Aaron. She’s desperate for him, always has been, always will be. She comes loud and high and she clutches him tightly and he kisses her and coos words of love and affection into her ear. She gets cleaned up, and they go for lunch, and they can’t take their eyes off each other.

Something’s very wrong, and she can’t quite put her finger on it.

That evening when she gets home, Aaron is feeling guilty. She’s not sure why, but he’s executing all of his patented guilty trademark behaviors: he offers her a glass of wine, runs her a bath, rubs her feet, even though he’s been the one home with the baby all day. She’s tempted to ask if he’s cheating on her, as a joke, but that’s never funny, especially when she knows he’s being shifty and weird about something.

When they’re laying in bed, he sets down his book and looks over at her.

“I meant to tell you, Haley isn’t able to take Mia tomorrow. Maybe the weekend after, we can have our special alone time.” She won’t say she’s not disappointed, but she doesn’t want to inconvenience Haley, when she’s already being so great. She smiles softly, covers his hand with hers.

“That’s okay. It was short notice, anyway. I’ll still enjoy my weekend, with you and Mia.” He smiles too, but it doesn’t quite touch his eyes.

The kids sleep through the night, but she doesn’t. On Friday, she picks Jack up from school and takes him to Haley’s, who sends him to wash up so she can make him a snack. When he’s gone, she smiles warmly and invites her into the kitchen for coffee; she takes a cup, and they make pleasant small talk like they always do.

“Are you sure you don’t want to bring Mia over?” Haley asks after a few minutes. It sounds like she’s double checking. “It’s really no trouble.” She frowns, sets her cup down.

“I thought you weren’t able to watch Mia this weekend. I thought… I thought that’s what Aaron said. I must have misunderstood him.” That’s the only logical conclusion, because Aaron wouldn’t lie to her. He wouldn’t.

“He was being a little weird on the phone the other day. He asked me if I would watch her, and I said yes. He told me about your plans,” she says with raised eyebrows, “and then I told him, you know. That he better treat you right, because you just had a baby not that long ago and you might be a little self-conscious about jumping back into the sack like that; not that you should be, because you look amazing.” She racks her brain for the first time he started acting strangely, pulling away from her, and it would have been after his conversation with Haley. She asks, just to confirm.

“Is that when he got weird?”

“Actually yeah. He changed his mind, said you might not need me to watch her after all, but I told him the offer stood. He was pretty quick to get off the phone after that.” She would sip her coffee, but she’s pretty sure her hands are shaking. Why would he lie about that?

“You know, I should go. I’m sure Aaron’s pulling his hair out with her, she’s been a devil today. Tell Jack I love him and I’ll talk to him tonight, will you?”

“Of course. If you change your mind about Mia, just let me know,” Haley says, and she gets into her car with tears stinging her eyes.

When she gets home, Aaron is playing with Mia on the living room floor. He looks up at her with a smile that abruptly falls when he takes in her facial expression.

“What’s wrong?” She composes herself, takes a deep breath. They vowed a long time ago not to argue in front of Jack or Mia. She tries to sound conversational.

“You lied to me. You said Haley couldn’t take Mia this weekend.” He swallows and looks properly guilty. She’s not sure how he was able to lie to her in the first place; he’s never been any good at it.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. I just didn’t know how to say it.” She looks up, shakes her head, wills her eyes not to water while she’s trying to have this conversation.

“You didn’t know how to say what? What is it that’s made you distance yourself from me?” She recalls him physically pulling away, then doing a complete 180 and initiating sex, but never penetrative sex, never letting her touch him or return the favor in any way. “Haley told me about your conversation. So do you think I’m unhappy with my body, or are you unhappy with my body?” He has the nerve to look confused, gets Mia set up with some toys she can play with safely on her own and stands up, comes close to her. She’s not sure she even wants his touch right now, which is saying something; when she’s unhappy, that’s usually all she wants.

“Neither of those things. I swear to god. I love you and I love your body; you’re so beautiful. Too beautiful for me, you always have been.” He’s looking down at her so seriously, and she wants so badly to believe him, but how could she, when faced with the evidence?

“Okay. If it’s neither of those things…” Her voice is small when she says the one option that hurts her most. “Did you change your mind? Do you not want to have another baby with me?” He sighs, deflates, and she takes a deep, shuddering breath.

“No, listen to me. It’s not that I don’t want that; I want that more than anything, but it will… further complicate, things...” He trails off, and she tries to follow what he’s saying. “The problem isn’t you in any way. It’s me.” She huffs, squeezes her eyes briefly shut.

“You? How can it be you, when you’ve been the only man to catch my eye for years? From the moment you set foot on my campus looking for your bad guy, I’ve been attracted to you, aroused by you, wrapped around your finger. You’re so perfect for me: perfect husband, perfect dad, perfect lover. My best friend. Never a day has gone by where I haven’t wanted you.” He wets his lips, sighs.

“Surely you’ve noticed that since I quit my job and started staying home with Mia, I… I don’t look the same. I’ve… let myself go.” His brows are deeply furrowed, and he’s clearly struggling with this; she reaches for him, no longer angry—at least for the time being—puts a hand on his arm.

“I’ve noticed that you don’t quite look the same. Doesn’t mean you’ve ‘let yourself go,’ or that I’m not still attracted to you; you just have a dad bod now instead of an ‘FBI guy who punches people for a living’ bod.” Her other hand hovers, then comes to rest on his stomach, and she smiles. “I’m actually really into the way you look now. I’ve been fantasizing about it for ages. I wish I’d known you were feeling self-conscious.”

“I’m not used to feeling… self-conscious, vulnerable,” he breathes, but he presses into her touch, so she considers that a good thing. “I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“I get that baby, I do, but this is me. I would have done anything I could to make you feel better. You didn’t have to hide it from me. You didn’t have to lie. We could have talked about it.” She moves the hand on his arm to his face, guides him down for a loving kiss. “We’re equally to blame, because I know you haven’t been getting good sleep, and I know you barely have time for yourself, and I didn’t step in; but you never let me help. If roles were reversed, and it was me staying home with Mia, you would never expect me to do all the cooking and cleaning and homework and bath time without your help. So you need to let me help, Aaron, please.” She looks up at him, eyes warm and sincere, and he nods, bends to press a kiss to her lips.

“I’m sorry. I still don’t feel great about… myself, but maybe I could. If I let you help. If I took some time for me.” She nods and wraps her arms around him—finally—for a hug.

“I love you so much. Just like this. Big, cuddly papa bear, taking care of our babies, making our home a safe and happy place for them. How could I not love the body that brings me so much happiness? That makes me excited to get in my car and come home at the end of every day?”

They kiss some more, deep, healing kisses and soft, sweet kisses, but she doesn’t get distracted by them. She’s very focused, caresses him and brushes loving fingertips over his chest and arms and sides. But speaking of distractions…

“Were you doing all those sexy things to try to distract me from wanting you to get all up on me?” she asks, pulling back, and at least he has the decency to flush.

“Kind of? I figured if it was sex you wanted, you’d be happy to get off however it happened; it was great for me too, don’t get me wrong, I just didn’t really want to be touched, feeling the way I felt.” She frowns, rests her head against his chest and holds him tighter.

“That makes me sad. What I wanted was an intimate moment with my husband, and while yes, what you did for me was great, because you’re super hot and very capable,” she says, leaning back in his embrace with a soft smile, “it’s not what I’ve been wanting. I want you all naked and sweaty and heavy on top of me, going to pound town.” He presses his lips together and raises his eyebrows.

“Pound town? What are you, twelve?” She grins, shoves his chest, and he laughs.

“I’m surrounded by college kids all day, please forgive me. I think it got my message across though.” She touches his cheek, looks up into his eyes, and sighs. “Can we take Mia over to Haley’s and give it a shot? I’ll do anything to make you feel happy and comfortable, any position that makes you feel better—though what I’d really like most, if you’ll trust me, is to suck your dick, and then hop on your dick, and then later when we’re ready to go again, we do the pound town thing and make another goddamn baby.”

She’s so serious, and he looks so serious, and then he kisses her and says yes and they pack up their kid and take her to his ex-wife’s so they can get it on, which sounds so much crazier than it actually is. She gets him out of his clothes, doesn’t move slow or spend lots of time focusing on what he thinks are flaws; instead, she proves how desirable he is by practically tearing his pants off and pushing him against the bed and swallowing around his dick just so she can hear all those delicious moans she’s been missing.

After that, she rides him hard, kisses him harder, plants her hands on his chest and stomach and moans and groans against his mouth. “So fucking hot, seriously so fucking hot, Aaron—if I saw you across the room today I wouldn’t change a goddamn thing, I would still pursue you, I’d make you blush like I did back then. I’d be so forward because I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about how good this would feel.”

She’s rocking his world, no doubt about that; it’s written all over his face, in the hardness of his hands on her hips as she grinds down on his cock, in the way his chest is heaving despite not actually doing any of the work at all. He comes first, and then rubs her clit while she continues to fuck him until she finds her own orgasm; she scratches her nails down his stomach, and he leans up and grabs her face for a rough, perfect kiss.

They take a break, cuddling and kissing and enjoying the feel of bare skin, comfy bed, soft lips. Aaron touches her cheek, tells her how much he loves and appreciates her.

“I’m so sorry I’ve been keeping this inside, and not being truthful. It’s hard, when you’re as perfect as the day I met you, and I’m…” She presses a finger to his lips, shushes him, kisses him.

“You’re as perfect as the day I met you, too. More perfect, even, because every day since then you’ve chosen me, and our family. I could not ask for a better man. Simply could not, Aaron. And if you want me to come home early so you can go to the park to run, or to the gym, then that’s what I'll do, but if you look like you do right now, forever, I’ll be happy with that too. Whatever makes you happy.”

They snuggle and kiss and talk and laugh, and then laughing becomes sex in that way everything becomes sex when you’re genuinely obsessed with the person in your bed.

He gets her on her back, kisses all over, teases her—“mmm, rubbing your kitty, baby, how does it feel?”—and then puts her legs over his shoulders, plants his hands, and fucks, taking every ounce of his pent-up frustration out on her, and it’s incredible.

“Yes, Aaron, yes, baby, oh, god.” Her head is thrown back, and she’s torn between laughing, because she’s been wanting this for months and it’s exactly as awesome as she’d dreamed it would be, and crying, because she fucking loves him, so much it puts a lump in her throat.

“Fuck, baby,” he groans, speeds up, sweaty and gorgeous and smiling. “You’re going to come with me—not just for me, but with me, so my come gets deep inside, so it works and we get another perfect baby who never lets us fucking sleep.” She nods frantically, presses her hips against his, and it’s not simultaneous, but it’s a near damn thing, when they both come groaning each other’s names. A little less than a year later, they have Mason. Aaron is at home in his dad bod, Mia doesn’t cry at naptime, Jack is still a menace in the mornings, and their perfect little family got a little more perfect. Taglist ❤️: @arsonhotchner @mrsh0tchner @ssahotchie @sleepyreaderreads @mintphoenix @meghannnnnn @disgruntledchowchow @azenpal @g-l-pierce @my-rosegold-soul

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x female reader #hotch x female reader #hotch x reader #dad bod hotch

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ais-n · 3 years

Note

How would have cedrick responded to learning about what vivienne had done to boyd by putting him up for the position at the agency, giving him a promotion, and selling him to cyclone? Would he have been angry, or thought that she was trying to protect him in her own way? How would he have reacted to seeing Boyd after the Aleixo mission, or at the end of fade after his eye was removed, at times where it was really obvious the affect physically and mentally that the lifetsyle had on boyd? Would he chose a side in the Beaulieu's feuds, or would he play both sides to try to make both of his loved ones happy? How would Boyd feel about his reaction? Would Boyd want Cedrick to be mad at Vivienne? What would Boyd want from his father if he came back to life in fade, what kind of relationship would he want?

**ICOS SPOILERS - JUST FYI :)**

I'm putting the whole reply behind a cut because I ended up rambling a bit - also I have a (shittily written and very short) excerpt from Julian Files that feels kind of relevant to this line of questioning, so that's easier to throw behind a cut too.

I'm pretty sure Ced would've been pissed at her for the Cyclone stuff. He would understand her reasons for it, and would know that in her own fucked up way she was kind of trying to help - but he also would have been pissed at her for how much Boyd was hurt in the process. He was very loving/protective of Boyd, and also pretty optimistic/hopeful in general, so he would've thought there surely could have been a safer and less traumatic way to help Boyd in the short run without fucking him up further in the long run.

(As for the rest of the things you mentioned of joining the Agency and the promotion, I don't know for sure but I think he might have understood that stuff more - because there's enough of Viv in Boyd for him to get that sometimes when they shut down emotionally, certain life changes or certain shifts in perspective help them find a reason to open up again, albeit slowly. And even if he wouldn't have wanted Boyd to be in a dangerous situation, he would have wanted Boyd to be as prepared IN that dangerous situation as possible, so at least with a promotion he learned more skills to protect himself and others. Also, Ced wanted to help others, so he would understand at least that part of the job is trying to help in some form, even though it's far from a perfect way of doing so.)

There's actually part of a scene I wrote in Julian Files that I never finished because I don't love how the preceding scenes go, and the scene in question is a direct result of them. But in the general part of that plot, Cedrick was out of town for work and Viv was supposed to be watching Boyd who was like 6 or something at the time. But Viv, being Viv, was being neglectful of him and Ced didn't know. He knew that Viv wasn't the most caring of mothers but they'd had conversations about how to make sure Boyd was safe when Ced wasn't around.

In this particular case, some shit happens with a person who kind of stalked Boyd showing up at the home when Boyd's alone, he and a buddy break in to steal shit, Boyd gets hurt in the process, Viv gets home after the fact, Boyd accidentally breaks pretty much the one thing Viv had from her parents (a horse figurine thing), and she gets pissed and yells at Boyd that she would have preferred to have lost him than to lose this thing. So Boyd runs off to Lou's and stays with him for a bit. At some point days later, Ced is finally able to get home - he tried to come home right away when he learned what happened, but he wasn't able to, so he was freaking out the entire time just beside himself worried about Boyd. He had some basic info and knew Boyd was alive and seemingly okay but was still terrified.

I kind of hate the way this is written, as well as the chapters that precede this, but this might be the only scene I can remember writing so far where it got to explore Cedrick freaking the fuck out worried about Boyd and being upset with Vivienne not protecting him. There were some previous scenes written ages ago but this is the most recent one, and probably would be closest in context to the context you're asking about.

-----------------

UNEDITED SHITTY SCENE EXCERPT:

The door slammed open, making Boyd jump and his heart race. He’d barely turned around when heavy footsteps came at him. His father nearly bowled him over, grabbing him in a tight embrace with shaking hands holding the back of his head and crossing over his shoulders.

“Boyd, Boyd, I heard��They said—Are you okay?”

Boyd could hear and feel his father’s heartbeat crashing around in his chest. He felt instantly safer with the warm and strong hands holding him tightly and, strangely, his father’s rushed and panicked words, barely gaining breath between them.

Heavy kisses rained down all over Boyd’s hair on the top of his head, and his father’s uneven breath gusted out near his temple.

“I couldn’t get back any sooner—I tried, dear God I tried because fuck I was so scared and—shit, no, don’t say those words, they’re bad words, Daddy’s just really worried and—and, Boyd, are you okay? Are you okay? You didn’t tell me yet if you’re—”

Cedrick pushed Boyd out by the shoulders, his eyes intensely focused and scouring every inch he could see of his son. He ran his hands all over Boyd, and when Boyd accidentally winced and shied away from the pain, Cedrick instantly pulled up Boyd’s shirt.

He froze at the sight of the dark bruises and cut on Boyd’s pale skin.

“Viv—Viv—Vivienne!” Cedrick shouted, panicked.

Boyd’s mother came and stood behind his father, her face expressionless and posture straight. But Boyd saw the coldness in her eyes, and tried to pull away from his dad. He couldn’t, though; his dad gripped him carefully but firmly with one hand, the other beginning to shake with the shirt in his hold.

Cedrick twisted around to face Vivienne, his voice rising louder.

“Where the hell were you? You told me you’d be home with him! You told me—”

Vivienne’s stare only became more remote. Cedrick’s hand tightened so hard on Boyd it almost hurt. He let Boyd’s shirt fall back down.

“Don’t even fucking try that look on me. You know I can read you like a fucking book. You promised me, Vivienne, and you… He could have been killed, he could have—What would we have done? What would—what would I have done?”

Vivienne didn’t answer.

“Vivienne! You need to goddamn answer me! Where were you? Why don’t you ever care—”

“She helped!”

Boyd’s outburst made Cedrick snap his attention back to his son. Boyd trembled in his father’s hold, terrified because his parents rarely argued like this and it was his fault, he knew it was his fault because he let them know about Troy. He never should have told anyone. He never should have hurt that horse and he never should have told the police the truth.

It was just like Mr. Cole said. Everything was coming true.

“What?” Boyd’s father sounded a lot less scary when he addressed Boyd. Now he was tense but gentle, just like his hand running along Boyd’s shoulder. “Boyd, it’s okay—”

“She was here,” Boyd insisted. It was a lie but he didn’t care, he made it as convincing as he’d ever done in his life. “She was here but then she had to go get something, and Troy must have been watching and then he came in when she was gone but then she came back and the police got him so it’s okay now. You don’t have to yell. You don’t have to be mad.”

He tried to ignore the way his eyes grew wet with tears, and twisted the hem of his shirt in his hands.

--------

I never finished the scene so that's all I have.

Without writing the actual scenes out you're talking about, I don't know for sure - it always seems like I think characters will do one thing and then they do another unexpectedly. But I'd generally guess it would be something along the above vibe, maybe? Except with Boyd being less timid.

Ced sort of would have been in the middle but he also wouldn't excuse certain things. He would have understood that Viv does some shit because she's fucked up, and he loves her so he understands that her choices are sometimes fucked, but that also doesn't mean he'll excuse it and tell Boyd he has no reason to be upset about things he has every right to be upset about. He probably would have ended up being a little bit of a mediator, but less so in the way of trying to smooth things over and making everyone happy, and probably more so in the way of trying to make sure every side felt heard, but more importantly that they understood if they did shitty actions that they were shitty (in this case, that would be directed toward Vivienne), and that they figure out a way for these things not to happen again, while being realistic about knowing how everyone is.

As for what Boyd would have wanted, he probably wouldn't have wanted Ced to hate Viv - he would have just wanted everything to be figured out in a way where no one had to be hurt, and they could just get along, and he would feel valued. He would have loved to just have any sort of relationship with his dad, but Ced being Ced, the relationship would have been a largely happy/supportive one, with Ced being a doofy loving dad - but also someone who will always stand firm if he thinks Boyd, Vivienne, he himself, anyone, is doing something wrong or etc and needs to be called out on it.

If Ced were there in Fade, I think more than anything, Boyd would have just wanted to be able to go up to him, hug him, and be able to cry in his arms, and feel like it was okay and he wasn't being weak for wanting to break down. He would have just wanted to hear his dad say that Boyd was doing ok, that he was trying hard and that was important, and that he had value as a person and that Ced didn't judge him or hate him or wasn't disappointed in him because of anything Boyd had said or done or etc in his life since Ced left. All of which is what Ced would have wanted to do/say too. Well, and then Ced would have for sure wanted to say how proud he was of Boyd, which I don't know if Boyd would have thought to hope to hear in Fade but idk, maybe he would have hoped for that too.

They probably would've just had fun hanging around at times doing whatever. I could see the two having fun digging into different topics or theories or mysteries or whatnot to figure them out.

Also, Ced would have liked Hsin, and would have accepted him as a son in law, just FYI. He already met Hsin when Hsin was like 14 and tried to help him then, so if it later turned out those two got together, he would've understood. Honestly, Boyd/Hsin have a lot of Ced/Viv vibes in some ways, and Ced would've been able to see that, so he would totally get why Boyd and Hsin love each other so much. Except Boyd/Hsin were more volatile because they eventually actually talked their shit out more than Ced/Viv properly did, or really honestly got a chance to do - so in many ways, Boyd/Hsin's volatility was in part because they were ultimately able to be more brutally honest with themselves and each other.

Hopefully that all makes sense.

#ask ais #icos #icosbooks #in the company of shadows #fade spoilers #cedrick beaulieu #boyd beaulieu #vivienne beaulieu #icos spoilers

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technoskittles · 4 years

Text

Pure Feeling Playlist

Okay, so I had someone on twitter express interest in the songs I have for my playlist for Pure Feeling and figured, yeah, I could share it. I don’t have a spotify (I don’t like the interface plus the music selection is way too limited for my taste) and the playlist itself is on Youtube Music. It’s also private because I don’t really want random people seeing it or other people messing with it if I unlocked it, so I’ll just type up all the songs here with links that way y’all can scroll through and listen to what you want.

I understand there’s probably an easier and faster way to do this probably, but hey, with the quarantine I clearly have some extra time on my hands so why not?

Though, couple of warnings:

1. It’s LOOOOOOONG (it’s 300+ songs in total) (don’t worry I’m gonna put this under a cut)

2. Some of the songs aren’t going to make much sense in terms of the AU. This is for two reasons: a) Some of the songs allude to events/characters that haven’t shown up in the story yet (there’s a LOT of songs regarding Mara’s father) and b) some of them are just general songs that I use to get a basis of emotion/vibe when writing particular types of scenes.

3. My music tastes are all over the place (and this doesn’t even include some of the other genres I listen to just because it doesn’t fit this AU lol)

But this playlist is my main muse and is probably one of the best insights to my process/inner thoughts so, without further ado.....my full playlist.

(I grouped the songs from the same artist together for the easiest convenience)

(And some songs might kind of be repeats if I listen to multiple versions for the purpose of this fic)

Got any favorites? Any songs that worry you about the future of this fic? Or just something you might want more clarification on? Feel free to shoot me ask about it!

South London Forever by Florence + The Machine

Patricia by Florence + The Machine

I Will Be by Florence + The Machine

Too Much Is Never Enough by Florence + The Machine

You’ve Got The Love by Florence + The Machine

Never Let Me Go by Florence + The Machine

Dog Days Are Over by Florence + The Machine

Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine

Ship To Wreck by Florence + The Machine

St. Jude by Florence + The Machine

Over The Love by Florence + The Machine

Pure Feeling by Florence + The Machine (hey look it’s the fic title)

Heavy In Your Arms by Florence + The Machine

What Kind Of Man by Florence + The Machine

Stuck On You by Meiko

Stuck On You (Acoustic Version) by Meiko

Adventure of A Lifetime by Coldplay

Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay

Hymn For The Weekend by Coldplay

Simple and Clean by Hikaru Utada

Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence - FYI - Hikaru Utada

Be My Last by Hikaru Utada

Colors by Hikaru Utada

Distance (M-Flo Remix) by Hikaru Utada

Without You (Justice Skolnik Remix) by Oh Wonder

Rockabye by Clean Bandit ft. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie

In The Rain (an unofficial rendition from Miraculous Ladybug by David Russell)

Stone Heart (an unofficial rendition from Miraculous Ladybug by sxrlove06)

Lost In The Moment by Daniel Lee Kendall

Fragile by ARCADES

Daddy Issues by The Neighbourhood

Scary Love by The Neighbourhood

Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood

Sweater Weather (Vaski Remix) by The Neighbourhood

Honest by The Neighbourhood

Alleyways by The Neighbourhood

Stuck With Me by The Neighbourhood

Lights by Ellie Goulding

Goodness Gracious (The Chainsmokers Remix) by Ellie Goulding

Still Falling For You by Ellie Goulding

Starry Eyed by Ellie Goulding

Don’t Need Nobody by Ellie Goulding

Candy-Coloured Sky by Catmosphere

‘Till We’re In The Sea by RKCB

affection by Jinsang

summers day v2 by Jinsang

Let Go by Frou Frou

Must Be Dreaming by Frou Frou

I Just Want You by Robert Duncan

Forget by Alicks

Dinner & Diatribes by Hozier

Nevermind by Dennis Lloyd

Let It Happen by Tame Impala

Think About You by Kygo ft. Valerie Broussard

First Time by Kygo ft. Ellie Goulding

Fragile by Kygo ft. Labrinth

Feel Your Love by Nyquill

I See You by MISSIO

Learn To Let Go by Kesha

Praying by Kesha

I Love My Life by Justice Crew

Sex by Cheat Codes x Kris Kross Amsterdam

Everlong by Foo Fighters

Party Like It’s Your Birthday by Studio Killers

The Disappearance of The Girl by Phildel

Soul On Fire by Mystery Skulls

we’ve never met but, can we have coffee or something? by in love with a ghost

What is Love? by Y//2//K & Yung Death Ray ft. Jaymes Young

A Manner to Act by Ra Ra Riot

Suckers by Ra Ra Riot

Do You Remember by Ra Ra Riot

You And I Know by Ra Ra Riot

Oh, La by Ra Ra Riot

Can You Tell by Ra Ra Riot

Consequence by The Notwist

Anyone Else by PVRIS

Dead Weight by PVRIS

Can You Hold Me by NF ft. Britt Nicole

Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John

No Fear by Dej Loaf

I’ve Been Waiting by Lil Peep & ILoveMakonnen ft. Fall Out Boy

Give U Up by CALVIN (I’m sorry in advance for this one)

Heartbeat by Scouting For Girls

Keep It Simple by Tove Lo

Sweettalk My Heart by Tove Lo

Glad He’s Gone by Tove Lo

Not On Drugs by Tove Lo

Got Love by Tove Lo

Crave by Tove Lo

Paradise by Tove Lo

Moments by Tove Lo

Talking Body by Tove Lo

Habits (Stay High) by Tove Lo

Scars by Tove Lo

Out Of Your Mind by Tove Lo

Vibes by Tove Lo

Lies In The Dark by Tove Lo

Come Undone by Tove Lo

dont ask dont tell by Tove Lo

Cherry Blossom by ALA.NI

Feels Like Home by The Him ft. Son Mieux

Quiet by Lights

Skydiving by Lights

365 by Zedd & Katy Perry

Left to Right by Marteen

Could You Love Me? by Black Saint

Midnight City by M83

Marble Soda by Shawn Wasabi

Crystal Dolphin by Engelwood

Pusher (Shawn Wasabi Remix) by Clear ft. Mothica

She’s A Riot by The Jungle Giants

Stranger by Jay Hayden & King Vodka

Now That I’ve Found You by Carly Rae Jepsen

Marty McFly by Luke Christopher

Rocks by Imagine Dragons

All Day And Night by Jax Jones ft. Madison Beer & Martin Solveig

Run Free by Deep Chills ft. IVIE

Maps by Maroon 5

Feelings by Maroon 5

blue by Pools

High Hopes (The Lucifer Edit) by Quails

breathin’ by Ariana Grande

Into You by Ariana Grande

Shy Girl by Kedam

Something Good Can Work by Two Door Cinema Club

What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club

Sleep Alone by Two Door Cinema Club

This Is The Life by Two Door Cinema Club

Do You Want It All? by Two Door Cinema Club

Sun by Two Door Cinema Club

Eat That Up, It’s Good For You by Two Door Cinema Club

Undercover Martyn by Two Door Cinema Club

Sunflower by Post Malone & Swan Lee

Señorita by Shawn Medes & Camila Cabello

Her Morning Elegance by Oren Lavie

Everybody’s Angel by Down With Webster

All Fall Down by OneRepublic

Counting Stars by OneRepublic

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T by Fall Out Boy

Jenny by Walk The Moon

Youth by Daughter

Get Lucky (Cover) by Daughter

Love by Daughter

River Flows In You by Yiruma

Girls And Boys In School by Neon Trees

Girls And Boys In School (EP Version) by Neon Trees

Helpless by Neon Trees

In The Next Room by Neon Trees

Beings by Madeon

Dried-Out Cities by Fallulah

Bloodline by Fallulah

Almost Home by Mariah Carey

Headlock by Imogen Heap

Closing In by Imogen Heap

Lifeline by Imogen Heap

Goodnight And Go by Imogen Heap

First Train Home by Imogen Heap

I Am In Love With You by Imogen Heap

The Walk by Imogen Heap

More by Kaskade & Felix Cartal ft. Jenn Blosil

Lay Down by Kaskade & Late Night Alumni

My Distance by Kaskade

Lessons In Love by Kaskade ft. Neon Trees

Kill The Lights (Audien Remix) by Alex Newell ft. DJ Cassidy, Nile Rogers, & Jess Glynne

Fall In Love/Lie by INNA

Cola Song by INNA

Caliente by INNA

Iguana by INNA

Ruleta by INNA ft. Erik

I Like You by INNA

Love by INNA

Shining Star by INNA

Bebe by INNA

Bebe (Yaniss Extended Remix) by INNA

Better Not by Louis The Child ft. Wafia

Living Island by Pogo

Still Into You by Paramore

Hard Times by Paramore

Emergency by Paramore

Ignorance by Paramore

I Caught Myself by Paramore

Letting Go by HERB x Kendall Miles

To Be Human by Sia ft. Labrinth

Big Girls Cry (ODESZA Remix) by Sia

Elastic Heart by Sia

Angel By The Wings by Sia

If You Didn’t See Me (Then You Weren’t On The Dancefloor) by Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.

Butterfly In The Still by Iwasaki Taku

Dare (La La La) by Shakira

Me Enamore by Shakira

Loca by Shakira ft. Dizzee Rascal

Te Aviso, Te Anuncio (Tango) by Shakira

Addicted To You by Shakira

Whenever, Wherever by Shakira

When A Woman by Shakira

Can’t Remember To Forget You by Shakira ft. Rihanna

Better Than Yesterday by HollySiz

This is What You Came For by Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna

Sweet Nothing by Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch

Rain by Pueblo Vista ft. .Eehlou & Shiloh Dynasty

G.B.D. Pressure (Extended) by Chillster

Valentine by Aether ft. Veela

Lemme See by Usher ft. Rick Ross

Promises by Aly & AJ

Like Whoa by Aly & AJ

Silence by Aly & AJ

Find A Way by Safety Suit

Ordinary Day by Emilie Mover

Green Light by Lorde

Don’t Feel Like Crying (MK Remix) by Sigrid

Crazy in Love by EDEN ft. Leah Kelly

Broken Girl by Matthew West

Crazy in Love by Sofia Karlberg

This Is What Makes Us Girls (The Confect Remix) by Lana del Rey

1901 by Phoenix

Lisztomania by Phoenix

Please Don’t Touch by RAYE

Island In The Sun by Weezer

God Is A Dancer by Tiesto & Mabel

Tighten Up by The Black Keys

Do I Wanna Know? by Arctic Monkeys

Lazy Eye by Silversun Pickups

Don’t Play by Halsey

Bad At Love by Halsey

Young God by Halsey

Now Or Never by Halsey

Hurricane by Halsey

Drive by Halsey

Eyes Closed by Halsey

Eyes Closed (Stripped) by Halsey

Haunting by Halsey

Strangers by Halsey ft. Lauren Jauregui

100 Letters by Halsey

Ghost by Halsey

Break A Sweat by Becky G

Little Talks by Of Monsters And Men

I wanna be your girlfriend by girl in red

Run by Alison Wonderland

I Want U by Alison Wonderland

Peace by Alison Wonderland

Peace (Acoustic) by Alison Wonderland

Dead To Me by Kali Uchis

Good Enough by Evanescence

Go Slow by Gorgon City & Kaskade ft. Romeo

Feel Good Inc by filous & LissA

All I Need by Within Temptation

A Lot Like Love (Oliver Heldens Edit) by The Voyagers ft. Haris

Hideaway by Kiesza

Memories by KSHMR ft. Sirah

American Sadness by XYLO

One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks

Your Shirt by Chelsea Cutler

Hope Of Morning by Icon For Hire

Collect Call by Metric

Flowers On The Grave (Acoustic) by The Maine

Fabulous by Ally Brooke

Falling (blackbear Remix) by Trevor Daniel

You by Petit Biscuit

Unlove You (Drop G Remix) by Armin van Burren ft. Ne-Yo

Formation (R-TRAX Trap Remix) by Beyonce

Schoolin’ Life by Beyonce

Simmer by Hayley Williams

Ruby by Foster The People

Moral Of The Story by Ashe

Colorblind (Left/Right Remix) by Karma Fields ft. Tove Lo

Don’t Stop The Music by Jamie Cullum

Goody Two Shoes by Adam Ant

Don’t Stop the Fancy Footwork (Chromeo vs. Rihanna)

She Wolf (Falling To Pieces) by David Guetta ft. Sia

Slow Burn by Audiograf

Write My Story by Olly Anna

1 Thing by Amerie

I Like That by Janelle Monae

Your Favorite Place by Joey Pecoraro

Beauty Mark by Parov Stelar ft. Anduze

Dead Hearts by Stars

Change of Seasons (EP Version) by Sweet Thing

Larger Than Life by Pink Zebra ft. Benji Jackson

Are You With Me (Pretty Pink Remix) by Lost Frequencies

Nothing But by Skin

In Common (Kenny Dope Remix) by Alicia Keys

Resonance by HOME

All Stars by Martin Solveig ft. ALMA

Lavender’s Blue Dilly Dilly [From the Cinderella (2015) OST]

Besame Mucho by Jorge Blanco

Touch You Right Now by Basic Element

Dinero by Trinidad

Icon (Reggaeton Remix) by Jaden Smith ft. Nicky Jam & Will Smith

Make Me Sweat by Kat DeLuna

Sombredosis by Kat DeLuna ft. El Cata

Real Love by Memory Tapes

Feelings by Hayley Kiyoko

This Side Of Paradise by Hayley Kiyoko

Wanna Be Missed by Hayley Kiyoko

Gravel To Tempo by Hayley Kiyoko

Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko

Fiesta (Remix) by Bombe Estereo ft. Will Smith

Love by TeZATalks

Had by TeZATalks

Heal by Loreen

Analyser by AlunaGeorge

Attracting Flies by AlunaGeorge

Damaged by Plummet

My Kind by Hilary Duff

Sparks by Hilary Duff

Talk by DJ Snake ft. George Maple

First summer without you by Outgoing Hikikomori

First birthday without you by Outgoing Hikikomori

2 Heads by Coleman Hell

Mathematics by Little Boots

Hearts Collide by Little Boots

Meddle by Little Boots

Parachute by Cheryl Cole

When she went away by Max Richter

When she came back by Max Richter

Who Knew by Pink

Lash Out by Alice Merton

Back To The Start by Mr. Little Jeans

Perfecto. by Ayo. & .Disfnk ft. Daniela Andrade

service by j^p^n

I’m In Love Again by tomppabeats

Close by Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo

Falling Apart by Michael Schulte

Dusk ‘Til Dawn by ZAYN ft. Sia

Pillowtalk by ZAYN

Minimal Beat by Lindsey Stirling

Perfect Illusion by Lady Gaga

Do I Wanna Know? (Cover) by CHVRCHES

La Familia (Guy Sigsworth Remix) by Mirah

Broken Parts by The Ready Set & Mokita

Invisible Chains by Lauren Jauregui

Lonely Gun by CYN

Cartier by Dopebwoy ft. 3robi & Chivv

Boss Bitch by Doja Cat

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #pure feeling #ash writes #pure feeling playlist #playlist #if some of these links are wrong or repeat forgive me #I wasn't about to go through and double check them all #if nothing else you have the titles and these are all on youtube #will probably be adding onto this as I add more songs to my playlist #so I just realized that the links aren't showing up for some reason on the published post #even though when I went to edit they're still there???#I'm very sorry about that #just copy and paste into youtube I guess?

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writinginstardust · 5 years

Text

Love Me Not?

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader

Request: @x-avantgarde-x asked “Oh, hi! I wanted to request a Kaz X fem reader six of crows oneshot. After having broke up with Inej long ago Kaz and the reader start to build a relationship together, but Inej and Kaz remain having an amazing relationship, and whenever Inej is at Ketterdam they spent a lot of time together. This makes the reader really insecure and self conscious, and eventually Kaz and her have a conversation where she ends up opening to him.”

Warnings: minor injury

A/N: took a bit longer than planned due to a variety of reasons i’m not going into but here it is. it’s set several years after the end of Crooked Kingdom fyi. hope you like it darling! :)

Word Count: 2730

They'd broken up. They hadn't worked together. They weren't in love anymore. These were all things I knew but all certainties I struggled to believe as I watched Kaz and Inej embrace on the docks. They looked happy, so damn happy to see each other again after Inej had been away at sea for so long, and I felt an unpleasant tugging sensation in my stomach. I knew exactly what that tug was but it was ridiculous and i refused to name it. I wasn't even sure I had any right to feel it.

Kaz and I had never given a name to our relationship but we were more than just friends, much more. At least, I'd thought we were. Maybe he wasn't really over Inej even after almost two years. Maybe I'd read too much into every interaction and kind word. Maybe it was always meant to be Kaz and Inej not Kaz and me. Maybe that's why he'd never kissed me.

I pushed down my doubts as they walked towards me, arms slung around each other comfortably. It was a strange sight to see. When they'd broken up Kaz had still been somewhat uncomfortable with affection and contact. He could do it, I'd seen him and Inej hug and kiss and hold hands enough to know, but it hadn't felt natural for him. Seeing the ease compared to the last time they'd been this close was jarring. Knowing much of it had been thanks to my help wasn't an entirely pleasant feeling.

I plastered a smile on my face as they finally reached me and Inej pulled me into a hug. There was so much comfort in that embrace and it eased the ugly emotions clawing at my heart. She was one of my closest friends and i wasn't going to let anything spoil our reunion. Not the wind in the harbour chilling me to my bones, not the lingering stench in the air from who knows what, and certainly not my own insecurities.

“(Y/N), it's so good to see you! It's been too long. I can't believe I missed you by one day last time I came back.”

“I know, it's been far too long. I've missed you.”

“I've missed you too. We need to catch up tonight when we're done with whatever Kaz is dragging me off to do.” Well that was new information. He'd told me nothing about any plans with Inej so presumably I wasn't invited. It hurt to say the least.

“Absolutely, and none of the boys are allowed to join us. I need a break from them all.”

“I bet you do. The offer to join the crew still stands you know.”

“It is tempting sometimes but I'm not cut out for life at sea.”

“I'd have thought a little seasickness is easier to put up with than Mr. Grump over here.”

“I am not grumpy.” Kaz interjected with an eye roll.

“We weren't asking you. Anyway, let's get going, I need to get away from whatever this stench is.”

Inej kept us busy with stories from her latest voyage as we walked through the streets of the barrel and I had to admit I was a little in awe of all the things her and her crew had achieved. I could definitely understand why Kaz might still have feelings for her and I wished I could be anywhere close to how amazing she was.

When we reached the Slat I said my goodbyes and got a wave and smile from each of them before they dived right back into conversation, almost as if they'd immediately forgotten about me. Rather than going straight inside I watched them continue on their way for a bit. They were laughing and joking and touching each other casually. It was like they'd never even broken up.

With a defeated sigh I opened the door and walked into the chaos of the Slat. Someone, by the looks of things, had decided to start a fight. Whether it was amongst the members of the Dregs or someone from another gang had come to start shit with us, I didn't know. I just knew I was so not in the mood for it. I very nearly left them to it, they'd give up eventually, but they'd already caused enough damage and Kaz might kill me for letting them get away with it.

An elbow caught me in the stomach and a second in the eye and my my bad mood overflowed. I climbed onto one of the tables that had yet to be broken, an unloaded pistol in hand, and let off a couple of shots. Everyone quickly stopped in their tracks at the sound.

“Alright you rotten lot, I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing but you better knock it off right now!” I yelled, fixing them all with my deadliest glare. It rivalled some of Kaz's and I was very proud of it. “I don't give a shit who started this or why, Kaz and I will deal with that later, but you are all going to clean this mess up now. If it's not done by the time Kaz is back there will be hell to pay for all of you.” I moved to climb off the table and a few of the guys started to protest. “Don't start. I am not in the mood to deal with all of you today so if you want to keep your teeth shut up and get to work.”

I stormed off through the crowd, slightly pleased that everyone moved out of my way with no prompting, and headed up the stairs. I was more than ready for a nap. I paused half way and looked back down at where everyone had, thankfully, started to clear up.

“Oh one more thing,” I yelled down, everyone immediately turning their heads to look at me. “Keep the noise down. Wake me up and I might just kill you.”

It was long past dinner when I woke up, the protests of my empty stomach finally becoming impossible to ignore. I was a little surprised no one had woke me earlier, and by someone I meant Kaz. Then I remembered. Inej. Clearly they were still out doing who knows what. A stab of hurt and irritation hit me but I wisely chose to ignore it in favour of finding something to eat.

I found Jesper and Wylan in the Slat when I headed downstairs and did a double take. It was a rare occasion that they came around here anymore.

“(Y/N), hi!” Wylan grinned and waved when he saw me walking over.

“What're you doing here? I thought you'd be out with Kaz and Inej. We've been waiting for you all to get back.” Jesper gave me a quick hug and pulled up a chair for me.

“Thanks. Honestly, I've got no idea where those two are, they went off somewhere after we met Inej at the harbour.”

“You didn't go with them?” Wylan seemed surprised.

“I wasn't invited.” I shrugged, pushing down the hurt that tried to force its way up, and changed the subject to something much more important. “Have you guys eaten yet? I'm starving.”

“We haven't, you want to go get something?”

“Please.”

We left the overcrowded Slat and headed to one of Wylan's favourite restaurants, one I normally wouldn't be able to afford but wished I could. It was handy having a rich Merch friend sometimes.

I felt my mouth watering the second the scent of food met my nose and I couldn't wait to try whatever was making it. My appetite left suddenly, however, and was replaced by nausea when we entered. Kaz and Inej sat in a secluded corner eating and laughing and generally looking every bit the couple they'd once been, though admittedly a little fancier.

“I'm...I'm just...going to go. You two have a nice time.” I couldn't tear my eyes away from Kaz and Inej as I said goodbye to the boys and hurried away before I embarrassed myself doing something stupid like crying.

I went straight to my favourite waffle place and ordered my ‘I'm sad’ size stack which I drowned in syrup. That was where Kaz found me 20 minutes later. How, I wasn't sure, but I suspected Wylan or Jesper had picked up my feelings more than I'd intended.

“I wasn't aware you'd turned into Nina since this morning, should I be concerned about you stopping my heart anytime soon?” His voice came from behind me but I couldn't bring myself to turn and look at Kaz right then. Really I just wanted to be left alone but of course I wasn't going to get what I wanted.

“If only. Don't worry, you're safe from that particular end.”

“Good.” He walked to the other side of the table and sat down facing me, a concern so rarely seen written on his face. “Who gave you that?” His voice had hardened as he caught sight of the bruise blossoming around my eye.

“I don't know. They were having a fight in the Slat earlier and I got caught a couple of times before I could put an end to it.”

“Are you alright?” He reached out to brush his thumb over the injured patch of skin and I winced slightly before giving him a quizzical look.

“I'm fine, I've had worse. When did you become such a mother hen?”

“I haven't, I wouldn't care about pretty much anyone else.”

“I'm surprised you care so much about me.”

“Of course I care about you, why do you think I wouldn't?” He seemed genuinely surprised and a little bit hurt at what I thought. I didn't have an answer for him so I remained silent but that only seemed to concern him more. “(Y/N), you know how much you mean to me.”

“Do I though Kaz?”

It was his turn to be silent this time, unsure with how to proceed. He was far from the best at talking about feelings and this conversation was clearly tough for him. In the past I'd take pity and brush it off, change the subject and leave whatever it was unresolved but doing so was the problem, the reason this talk was even happening. I was tired of being uncertain and tired of letting Kaz not deal with his shit, we weren't kids anymore and this time we were going to talk it out.

“Do I?” I asked again. “Because as far as I can see I mean no more to you than Jesper or Wylan or anyone else you call a friend, even though your uncharacteristic worry right now would say otherwise.” I paused for a second, this was the tricky bit to actually vocalise. “I'm no one special, to you or anyone, not like Inej. She's amazing and talented and just so much better than I could ever be. I know I'm useful and one of only a handful of people you trust but I also know I'm replaceable. So I'm wondering why exactly you seem to care so much. Why you seem to care at all.”

He was silent for a little while longer, seemingly frozen by some emotion I couldn't figure out. I took a few more bites of my waffles while I waited for a reply.

“Is that how you really feel?” I nodded and he buried his head in his hands with a muffled curse. “(Y/N)..., none of that is true. None of it. You're not replaceable, you're so special and you mean more to me than anyone. I wouldn't be the man I am without you, surely you know that?”

“I know I've helped you a lot but anyone could ha-”

“No. There's no one else who could've done what you did, and some people did try. You're the only one I trusted, the only one I let my walls down for, the only one who wouldn't give up on me.”

“Inej wou-”

“Do you really think any of what Inej and I had would have happened without everything you did for me?” That was probably meant to make me feel better but it didn't really. Well actually...one word did.

“Had?”

“What?” He looked taken aback for a moment but it didn't take long for him to catch on. “Is that what all this is about? You think I still have feelings for Inej?” I focused very hard on my waffles suddenly.

“Well, don't you?” Kaz sighed and muttered something about being bad at this under his breath before scooting his chair closer to me and making me look up at him.

“(Y/N), I promise you, there's nothing between us anymore. Nothing. I thought that was obvious, that my feelings for you were obvious. I guess I'm just not the best at showing it.” I was a little surprised at just how tender he was being and, as he took my hands in his own and rubbed soothing circles with his thumbs, that surprise froze me in place. “Listen, I'm sorry if I've made you feel like you're not important to me because you are. You...are the most important thing in my life and I really thought you knew that. I'll do a better job at showing it from now on.”

“So you...uh, how...do you feel...about me...exactly?” I still wasn't entirely sure and, even if I thought I had an idea, I still needed him to say it.

“Well apparently it's obvious to everyone except you, but I love you (Y/N).”

“You do?” I could feel a smile working its way onto my face but I had to be absolutely sure.

“You know, when someone says ‘I love you’ it's usually polite to say it back.” He rolled his eyes but he was smiling too. “But if you need me to say it again then yes, I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said through a grin, so happy at the unexpected twist this evening had taken. The surprises weren't over though, I realised, as Kaz hesitantly moved one of his hands to rest against my cheek and his face to within a few inches of mine. He leaned in slowly, clearly nervous and unsure, and I stayed still to let him have the control I knew he needed.

The kiss was gentle and tentative, softer than anything I'd normally associate with Kaz but all the more magical because of it. He pulled away after a moment but only barely and flicked his eyes up to mine briefly before dropping them back to my lips and closing the distance again, a little more confidently this time. It was perfect. This time when we broke apart it was from a lack of air and as I caught my breath, a question formed in my mind.

“So...if you've felt like this for a while...how come you never kissed me before?”

“I didn't want to mess it up.”

“Well you definitely didn't mess it up. I'd even go as far as to say you did good.”

“Just good?”

“We can work on it.”

“I'm okay with that. Are you alright now?”

“I am. You can go finish having dinner with Inej if you want.” And I meant it. I was okay with their close friendship now I knew how Kaz felt and that friendship is all it was.

“No, it's your turn now. She's desperate to spend some time with you and from the sounds of it I've got to go instill some fear in some of our fellow gang members.” He smiled and squeezed my hand. “Go have some fun and come see me after, I'll wait up for you.”

“Okay. I need to pay for these waffles first though.”

“Don't worry, I've got it. Now go.”

“Thanks, I'll see you later.” I gave him one last kiss and practically skipped out the door. It felt like a weight was lifted. I knew where I stood with Kaz and it was better than I'd imagined, I finally got to spend time with one of my best friends, and the man I, perhaps foolishly, loved would be right there waiting for me when I came home. Everything was just a little bit brighter now.

Tag Lists: (send an ask if you want to be added!)

Everything: @wonderfilledness

Grishaverse: @thats-so-bucky

#Kaz Brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker x you #six of crows #six of crows imagine #six of crows fanfic #soc #soc imagine #soc fanfic #reader insert

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camillemontespan · 5 years

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this heavy crown: part seven [drake walker x mc]

Part Six if you want to catch up.

FYI, I genuinely googled gated communities in LA and oh my God, they all look amazing. Why am I not rich?

So, NEW CHAPTER! It’s looking like I might do one or two more chapters for this series - we’re reaching the end and I think it’s about time to finish soon. There’s only so much angst I can put them through.

This chapter has some angst and some badassery (ahem, Olivia). Hope you like.

@moonlightgem7 @pug-bitch @jovialyouthmusic @drakesensworld @sirbeepsalot @katedrakeohd @tacohead13 @drakewalkerisreal @ladyangel70 @whenyourheartskipsabeat @be-still-my-aching-heart

********************************************************

Camille landed at LAX 13 hours later. A private car was waiting on the runway to take her to the accommodation that Liam had arranged for her. The car drove down the wide boulevards of lined with palm trees until they reached a gated community at the bottom of a hill. The signpost read Brentwood Country Estates.

The car stopped at a house near the top of the hill. Swallowing nervously, Camille got out of the car and looked at her new home. It was a Spanish style villa with terracotta tiles on the roof and columns by the front door. A fountain stood in the courtyard. ‘Oh my God...�� Camille breathed. Her new bodyguard, Louis, chuckled. ‘Did you think he was going to make you stay in a trailer?’

Camille blinked. ‘Well... yeah.’

Louis handed her the keys. ‘Go explore. I’ll drop the bags in the hallway and park up properly.’

Camille entered the villa. It was beautifully decorated and the living room had floor to ceiling windows which looked out over the city. A blue velvet L shaped sofa took pride of place in the centre of the room, looking out to the view. Camille flopped down on the sofa and took it all in.

She felt so far away. She missed Cordonia and her friends. She missed one person in particular. But Drake wasn’t here.

***********************************************************

Drake woke up to banging on his bedroom door. He groaned and pulled the pillow on top of his head. Thank god, it still smelled of Camille’s shampoo. Thank god.

‘Drake? Open up.’ It was Hana. Drake stayed still. His head was pounding from the whiskey he had tanked after Camille had left Cordonia. He had drank the whole bottle of whiskey as soon as he got back to his room and he later blacked out.

He dragged himself out of bed and opened the door to an extremely concerned Hana. ‘So I figured you needed some time alone but I just wanted to check on you.’

Drake focused on her. ‘I’m fine.’

‘I know you’re not. You left the limo so quickly, I didn’t get a chance to speak to you. We are all going to miss her. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. You can talk to us. You can ask us for anything.’

His eyes bore into hers, causing her to step back, as his gaze was so intense. ‘Do you have whiskey?’ he asked. ‘Um.. no? ‘Then I don’t need to ask you for anything.’ He shut the door in her face. He felt a twinge of guilt but that was nothing that whiskey couldn’t solve.

**********************************************************

Camille skyped Hana that afternoon. It was 12pm in LA; 8pm in Cordonia. She snuggled up on the sofa and sat her laptop of her lap. She beamed with joy when Hana accepted the call and her face filled the screen.

' I miss you!' both girls said at the same time. Camille smiled sadly. 'This feels weird.' Hana nodded. 'I know, it'll take some getting used to. Let's forget that we're separated by a screen and how about you show me around your new place?' Camille lifted up the laptop and gave Hana a tour around the villa. 'Oh my god, it's huge! So many bedrooms! 'I know right! I don't need so many bedrooms!' 'You will if all of us visit at the same time, which is very likely!'

Camille sat back down on the sofa after the tour and looked seriously at Hana. 'How is Drake?' Hana grimaced. 'Well...' 'Hana..' 'It's not sunshine and sparkles if that's what you want to hear.' 'How bad is he? Be honest.' Hana sighed. 'He's been getting drunk in his room since you left. He hasn't come out.' Camille nodded sadly. She had a feeling the whiskey would have taken over. She spotted Olivia come into view. 'Olivia!'

Olivia sat down beside Hana with a glass of champagne in her hand. 'Camille! How are you? How's the house?' Hana turned to her. 'It's amazing! Liam has really looked after her. Show Olivia the house, Camille!'

Camille began the tour again. 'Huh. Any dungeons beneath with weapons?' Olivia asked after the tour ended. Camille rolled her eyes. 'In LA? Funnily enough, no.' Olivia tutted and had a sip of her champagne. 'You should get one built. Seriously, it's so useful.'

‘Is that Camille?’ Maxwell’s voice was heard out of the frame. Hana beckoned him over excitedly. He jumped over the back of the sofa and settled in between Olivia and Hana. Olivia wrinkled her nose and edged away, flicking invisible dust off her trousers. ‘Hey Little Blossom!’ he said happily, waving at the screen. ‘How’s LA? I miss you loads already.’ ‘I miss you too, Maxwell,’ Camille replied, smiling. ‘You’d love this house. A Beaumont Bash wouldn’t look out of place here.’ Maxwell winked. ‘I might just have to take you up on that!’

‘So, Drake...’ Camille started. 'Hana says that Drake hasn't come out of his room and that he's been drinking... should I be worried? I mean I am, but more worried than usual?' Olivia shrugged. 'This is Drake all over. He can't cope with anything bad so he turns to whiskey.'

Camille rubbed her eyes quickly. Her friends could see that she was trying not to cry. 'I was worried he would give up on us,' she whispered. 'He said he wouldn't and he would fight for our relationship but how can I believe him if he's just sat in his room getting wasted? I can't do anything as I'm stuck here.'

'Have you called him?' Hana asked gently. Camille nodded. 'His phone was off.' Olivia rolled her eyes and muttered, ‘For god’s sake.’ Camille frowned. ‘Something to say, Olivia?’ ‘Just that he needs to grow a pair and stop this pity party.’ Camille shrugged. ‘Everyone deals with shit their own way. I’ll call him another time. He might pick up.’

Hana leaned forward. ‘Have you read any Cordonian news? Just wondering because the press are going crazy about the marriage being voided.’ Camille groaned. ‘Is it bad?’ Hana grimaced. That was all Camille needed to know.

Liam had emailed her the Palace statement, asking for her approval. She had read it over earlier: The King and Queen of Cordonia regret to announce that their short marriage has been declared void for personal reasons which they cannot specify right now. The King and former Queen ask that the press respect their privacy at this difficult time and that the public have faith that the crown will still be as strong as ever. For Cordonia!

Camille had shrugged and sent him a reply, saying it was fine with her. She thanked him for putting her up in the house but he hadn’t responded. She didn’t blame him. Olivia took out a copy of Trend and showed her the front cover. It was an image of Camille, taken a few days ago on a royal outing to the Botanics to open a new orangery. She had been waving to to the crowd that had gathered. The headline read: ‘Duchess on a Throne of Lies?’ ‘What am I lying about?’ Camille asked. ‘Apparently you never loved Liam and that you only wanted the throne so you could rule through him. The usual stuff.’ Camille put her head in her hands. ‘My life is over,’ she groaned. Maxwell piped up. ‘They’ll forget soon! They just need a new scandal and this will all blow over.’ Hana nodded. ‘Maxwell speaks sense.’ ‘Pah, for once,’ Olivia cut in. ‘But yeah, we just need a new scandal and they will forget in time. Just keep your head down in LA.’ Camille sighed and blinked back tears. ‘Thank you for being so supportive.’ ‘It’s what we’re here for,’ Hana told her. ‘You can talk to us whenever you want, Camille. We’re your friends.’

**********************************************

Drake had been hibernating in his room for three days. He would sleep and when he woke up, he would drink. Anything to soften the blow that she wasn’t here anymore. He missed her so much; he felt a deep ache in his chest whenever he thought about her. When he drank the whiskey, it burned the pain out.

Olivia strutted up to Drake’s door. After their Skype chat with Camille the night before, she was on a mission. She reached in her bun and took out a pointed hair clip. It was actually a tiny dagger so it had two functions. She forced it into the lock and fiddled around, until she heard the door lock give way. She smirked and entered the room.

Drake was lying slumped against the headboard, his eyes closed, wearing only jeans. An empty bottle of whiskey stood on the bedside table. Olivia tutted and found an empty glass. She poured water into it and stood over Drake, throwing the water onto his face.

‘What the fuck?!’

He bolted up, his eyes wild. He jumped when he saw Olivia standing over him. ‘Olivia! What are you doing in my room?! How did you even get in?!’

I’m putting a stop,’ she said, waving her hands at him, ‘to this pity party for one. This is pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. Instead of thinking of ways to get Camille back, you’re drowning your sorrows. How typical of Drake Walker,’ she spat. ‘When the going gets tough, he gets drunk instead. Instead of calling her to see how her flight was or how she is settling in, you are wasting time lying in bed, drinking yourself to death. How attractive.’

Drake sat up slowly, wishing the room would stop spinning. ‘I’m not drinking myself to death,’ he ground out. Olivia laughed unkindly. ‘Have you eaten or drank anything that’s not whiskey the past few days?’

Drake glared. ‘This is how I deal with things.’

Olivia reached out and pulled him to his feet. She was strong. She had to be; she was a Nevrakis.

‘This is how you deal with things?’ she asked, her voice harsh. Olivia shoved him into the wall, hard.

‘Fuck, that hurt!’

‘I don’t give a shit, Drake!’ she shouted. ‘The Drake Walker of the past may have dealt with things by getting hammered on whiskey but the new Drake Walker doesn’t do that.’ He moved to get away from her but she pushed him back into the wall, again, hard.

‘The old Drake Walker got drunk on whiskey to ignore his feelings for Camille Montespan! The old Drake Walker was distant and sullen and rude and he was a social pariah,’ she pushed him back into the wall again. He winced at the impact. ‘But the new Drake Walker is a different man. He is in love with Camille Montespan and she loves him back. She chose Drake Walker over the fucking King. Drake didn’t need whiskey to keep him going; he had Camille-’

‘Camille isn’t here anymore!’ he burst out. ‘She’s gone!’

‘She told me that you acted like you were giving up on your relationship,’ Olivia said, panting from the exertion of beating up Drake. ‘She was worried, but you reassured her. She looked so fucking sad during our Skype chat last night, which you missed, FYI. Don’t you fucking dare break my girl’s heart now she’s left or I will end you. This isn’t over for you both, I know it. Stop playing the fucking victim card and be proactive. Think of Camille. You need to be with her. Don’t forget that.’

Drake took a deep breath and held up his hands to stop Olivia from shoving him again. ‘I was only getting drunk to numb myself. I just miss her so much already. I can’t bear the fact that she’s thousands of miles away,’ he admitted. ‘I know, it was stupid to get drunk. You’re right. I just feel so... helpless. I can’t get her back to court and I’m meant to be getting married to fucking Kiara. I just needed a way to forget for a moment.’

Olivia sighed. ‘You need to think clearly. You may not be able to get her back to court but you can always visit her. Secondly, negotiations start tomorrow. Negotiations. Nothing has been decided yet. Liam knows you don’t love Kiara; he knows you love Camille. Just talk to him.’

‘I really doubt he wants to talk to me,’ Drake said bitterly. ‘I don’t blame the guy.’

Olivia’s face fell. ‘You’re best friends. You can sort this out.’

‘I’ve betrayed his trust. If I were him, I wouldn’t want to speak to me either.’

**********************************************************

The next morning, Drake woke to another onslaught of banging on his door. After his confrontation with Olivia, he had poured the whiskey down the sink. Her words burned in his mind: She looked so fucking sad during our Skype chat last night. Drake was so angry with himself that he had missed her on Skype. He had been drinking at the time. The fact he was causing her even more pain just made him feel worse. Enough now. He was done. He opened the door and found Olivia. ‘Are you here to beat me up again?’ he greeted her dryly. She rolled her eyes. ‘Liam is summoning you.’ ‘Can I shower first? I look really-’ ‘Hungover? Yes, you do. But there’s no time for you to shower. You need to see Liam now.’

*************************************************************

Drake entered Liam’s study and was surprised to see Kiara and her parents there too. ‘Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, I’ll wait outside,’ he stammered, but Liam chuckled. ‘We were waiting for you Drake! Please, sit!’

Drake sat down on the chair next to Kiara, who looked at him. She wore a pained expression on her face. ‘Mon Dieu, you smell of alcohol...’ she whispered. Drake’s face reddened. ‘I had a big night, I didn’t know I would be attending a meeting this morning,’ he answered quietly. He looked over to where Kiara’s parents were staring at him. Her mother’s mouth was set into a hard line and her father was blinking furiously. Drake was aware of what they were seeing. Their potential future son in law, turning up late to a meeting with the King, bedraggled, with red rimmed eyes, pale skin, unshowered and his breath smelled of whiskey. Oh, and he was hungover. What a catch.

‘So, we are here to discuss the potential marriage between Drake and Kiara,’ Liam began. ‘Drake would be given the title of Duke, Kiara would be a Duchess. I would allow Kiara a wider platform to work in diplomatic matters. Do you have any questions for Drake?’ ‘Mr Walker,’ Kiara’s father started, ‘What are your views on maintaining strong relationships with nations that are third world? Sure, we can be allies with more powerful nations, but you have to consider other alternatives too..’ Drake stared at him, his mouth gawping. ‘Um.... well...’ Kiara tensed beside him. ‘Cat got your tongue?’ her mother asked, raising an eyebrow. Drake blushed and cast his eyes to the ground. ‘I’ll be honest sir, I don’t have an opinion..’ The room was starting to spin around him and Drake reached out to grip the table. Kiara’s mother’s eyes flashed to his hand. ‘Liam, can you open a window, please?’ he asked, sweat breaking out on his forehead. Liam nodded and opened a window for him.

‘What do you do in the palace, Mr Walker?’ her mother asked. ‘Do you have a job?’ ‘Um.. I work in the stable occasionally.’ ‘The stable. You work in the stable.’ Drake frowned. ‘Yes. Is that bad?’ ‘Not very creative or challenging, that’s all...’ she murmured, pursing her lips. Kiara groaned. ‘Maman! He looks after the horses so well!’ ‘I’m sure he does, cherie, but we want you to marry someone more your station..’

Drake’s anger flared but before he could say anything, Liam held up a finger to him, discreetly. Wait. ‘He helped me at the barn raising,’ Kiara said, desperately. The chance to marry her crush was slowly fading and she was not happy. ‘I got hurt and he helped me.’ ‘The barn raising?! Why on earth was he helping at a barn raising?! Surely, if you were such good friends with the king, you would be sat with him, watching over everything?’ her father said. ‘I like to be outdoors. Grafting,’ Drake muttered, not even bothering to look at him. He was done with being judged by these people.

‘What about being a Duke? What would you bring to that role?’ her mother asked. ‘I don’t want to be a Duke,’ Drake answered despondently. ‘It doesn’t interest me.’ ‘So you would rather work in a stable?’ ‘What’s wrong with working in the stable?!’ Drake burst out, frustrated. Kiara sank down low in her chair, mortified. ‘I also smell whiskey,’ her father said. ‘You do know that we have recently become tee-total. I assume you would be happy to join?’

Drake stared at him for a long moment, genuinely horrified. ‘I’m afraid not, sir.’ Kiara closed her eyes and her parents stood up. ‘We’ve seen enough, Your Majesty,’ her father told Liam. ‘I can’t accept this marriage. My Kiara deserves someone more fitting to her... station.’ ‘Father, please stop talking about my station...’ Kiara whispered, clenching her fists. She bowed her head to Drake and mouthed, Sorry. Her mother curtseyed to Liam and shot Drake a hard look. She was not impressed. The three of them filed out and shut the door.

Drake exhaled deeply. ‘Fuck, I’m sorry Liam. I ruined it for you.’ Liam brought out two glasses and a bottle of whiskey. Drake frowned at the bottle, confused. ‘You don’t like whiskey?’ ‘Well, we had all my scotch with Camille and you don’t like wine. But you like whiskey, so here. Let’s have a drink.’ Drake remembered he had poured his whiskey down the sink. He had gotten rid of it for Camille. ‘I’ve given up whiskey,’ he murmured. Liam’s eyes widened but he took Drake’s glass away. He poured himself a whiskey and had a sip. Drake smiled weakly. ‘I mean it, Liam. I’m sorry I ruined that. It would have been good to have them as allies.’ Liam looked at him. ‘Drake, you did exactly what I wanted you to.’ Drake’s heart jumped. ‘What?!’ Liam chuckled and took another sip of whiskey, looking very pleased with himself.

#choices the stories you play #trr fanfic #drake walker x mc

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atopearth · 6 years

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OZMAFIA!! Part 1 - Caramia Route

Now I can know the basic gist of The Wizard of Oz without reading or watching it lolll! Yes, I have never read/watched it (EDIT: After finishing this game, I read the Wizard of Oz, it was very fun). Ooh okay, heroine is this silver hair guy’s prey huh, yeah that’s a great start to the game and her life I guess lmao. Caramia sounds like a nice guy since he caught her from falling, but he’s with the guy that tripped her so…. But I guess it’s still better than getting caught by the silver hair guy called Caesar? Maybe? Maybe not? I wonder if amnesia is common in otome games hahaha. Every time I hear about Ozmafia, people talk about Axel so I hope he’ll live up to expectations! But Caramia first! Oooh that’s why it’s called Ozmafia!? Literal mafia town?! And Caramia is the head of this Oz family? Hmmmmmm.

Yayyy! I don’t have to think of a name, that’s always the most stressful part for me lmaoo. Fuka is cute btw. Nice to be named by my current favourite boy lolol. Ooh she gets to choose which family she wants to belong to. How nice of them. Robin Hood being a doctor is a very interesting idea. I guess Fuka seems very naive and innocent? Like a little lamb, ready to be devoured by carnivorous men? LOL Axel was rather cute when he felt a bit shy after the heroine thanked him for showing her where her room was lol. The families quarrel for territory from Monday to Saturday but have declared Sunday as a day of peace? How very systematic and interesting.. Caramia looks hot in glasses btw and fyi, I love men who read! Plus points to Caramia!

Soh is a nice boy. Doesn’t like lies and is straightforward. Lmaoo at Caramia asking Axel for money and then he’s like yay, Axel is shouting us food hahaha. Actually, after seeing a close up of Axel, he looks awesome with his glasses, I like, I like! Kyrie sounds wayyy too dodgy for my liking btw lol. Axel is so subtly considerate, I love him. Hmm so Caesar is like part of the rebels that don’t agree with the rules in the town with having to belong to families etc, so I guess he’s like a criminal along with the other people in the slums and outside of the town. Axel got captured by Caesar because he was protecting Fuka? That’s not good. But it was way too reckless of her to go to Caesar herself, how dangerous. I’m happy that Axel called her an idiot for coming to sacrifice herself to hopefully exchange for Axel’s safety. But I’m also happy that he acknowledged that she did it because the Oz family took care of her so well that she couldn’t do nothing. I guess breaking the Compromise (Sunday is a day of peace) is a pretty big deal if all these families would come out to deal with it and kill some of the Wolf Gang members.. so cute how Axel really loves sweets though haha.

Lmao at Fuka thinking Scarlet was a girl hahahah. Didn’t think Soh was part of the Wolf Gang.. I like how Caramia makes breakfast for Kyrie and Fuka quite often hehe. It was really cool when Scarlet came out to protect her when she got into the feud with Gretel and Ande, although it’s true that hurting her could be pretty bad so it was natural for him to do that but it seemed like he did it because he cared for her too XD Lmaoo that one sip of alcohol of whatever Caramia drank knocked her out and he had to carry her home hahahaha. How bold of her to say she loves him while drunk lol. Not that he took it seriously.

Hmmm I feel like all the events and bonding time with the characters were so choppy and insignificant that the only thing Fuka and Caramia really shared was their time together and nothing else, so honestly, I really can’t see why they like each other besides the fact that they like the existence of someone beside them… And even that’s kinda forced because he has Axel and Kyrie to keep him company lol. Caramia’s character is rather shallow and the world itself is shallow as well even though it has such an interesting premise sigh.. the story is just like things happening in a world and it could have been anywhere because it doesn’t even really matter. And so yeah, if the guys are shallow, you can imagine how much of a blank board Fuka is. She has no particular thoughts or emotions that are relevant to the story or even to the guys! She’s never said anything about liking Caramia or particularly showing any special affection towards him so I have no idea when they ever considered each other to be the one they like. I feel like Axel and Fuka show the most affectionate emotions towards each other lol. And what about the Oz premise?! Caramia’s the lion so isn’t there going to be anything about that? Is it literally just a setting for us to have three guys? What is all this untapped potential considering this interesting world? Sigh… Also, the amount of loading screens in this game are killing me.

I don’t know what I’d do if I ever found my future boyfriend hugging a woman near a brothel… Strangling him for the truth might be a good idea😅 how could he let her go like that so easily?! I know he’s trying to be considerate that he can’t spend much time with her but he knew that in the first place! He shouldn’t have confessed if he’s so weak willed about it! And she has the right to decide what she wants to do! She has the right to decide whether she doesn’t mind continuing to cry but trying to make this relationship work! Good that she said what I thought but really, I don’t feel like Fuka really has much emotion lol and really only does things because.. that’s her character lol. But wow, she’s really silly to go out at night to surprise Caramia considering how dangerous it is at night, poor Caramia though, he has to bear the guilt of accidentally shooting her… I don’t feel sorry for her, but I feel sorry for him… But omg, I feel like sometimes she’s so clueless and weirdly optimistic that I want to smack her, I think I’m starting to understand why people don’t like Fuka now…And this is my first route… Like, a lot of heroines are optimistic but you can see why they are in their personalities, for Fuka, she’s like this hollow shell that’s just a ball of optimism for no reason and that’s the only feeling she exudes.

I feel like the flow of the story is so haphazard, but I do have to admit that Caramia reverting back to the cowardly lion he was is hilarious, it’s so cute hahaha. How cliche that the power of love in trying to save Fuka from Hamelin got his courage back lol. Very basic route (Pure love vs Axel) and ending for this happy one lol. I guess the happy ending is when the guy overcomes his fears (which in this case is his cowardly personality) and the bittersweet ending is when he can’t overcome it but Fuka stays beside him regardless. The cowardly Caramia is pretty funny though, I mean he still went to save her from Hamelin regardless so I think that’s cool enough but seeing Caramia scared of every little thing made me couldn’t help but think he’s so adorable.

(Pure love vs Kyrie) Kinda like how this one shows Caramia consulting Kyrie on his love problems about whether he really likes Fuka or not, so it’s much easier to tell that Caramia really does like her, rather than the above where I felt like she got along with Axel more than Caramia lmao. So cute that Caramia doesn’t like baths and the heroine forced him to take one hahahha. I like how he’s trying to get used to taking baths because the heroine likes him clean hahahaha. So, does Caramia think her scent is similar to Dorothy’s? It’s good that he doesn’t think of her as a replacement haha. But lmaooo, Axel is so funny and cute, I can imagine him getting married just because he wants a giant wedding cake hahahaha. Anyway, besides the extra interactions and changing the second focus from Axel to Kyrie, the gist of the story is the same. Personally, I love Axel’s personality but in terms of story and development of Caramia and Fuka’s love, I’d say Kyrie’s one shows more of how much Caramia actually likes her or maybe it’s because I finished one route so I can see Caramia’s perspective now?

(Axel triangle) Caramia eats so much! Lmaoo at him going to to Robin because he ate 2 litres of ice cream hahahaha. HAHAHA, Axel is so cute to be that excited about Caramia’s pancakes, apparently they’re the best in town and are so fluffy! I’m jealous! It’s always kinda funny that Axel is usually so whatever and just follows orders most of the time but when it comes to sweets, he’s so adorable haha. Aww Axel is fond of cats, he’s such a softie, kinda like Caramia haha. Lmaooo at Kyrie offering Axel’s backup snacks to Fuka because she’s hungry and Axel is like no, until Kyrie says what if she starves to death. And then..omg�� Axel gives it to her and says ��please don’t die” LOLL, I’m sure she won’t die that easily Axel lmaooo. Omgg when the heroine said Axel was the most important person to her though, kyaa Axel!🤣 Chocolate river is a great idea, Axel! I’d love that! Danggg Axel can cook too, awesome! Maybe everyone can except Fuka lmao. Dorian and Caramia were talking about how a prostitute was poisoned and Dorian said he was sad that his goods was hurt so does that mean he’s the brothel owner?! But now, I see why Caramia was with a prostitute, he was trying to get info on the street slasher that’s been killing a lot of people in town and she knew some stuff about it.

OMG, I’M SO SHOCKED. I can’t believe she just did it with Axel… Like his confession was really cute and romantic but you haven’t even properly broken up with Caramia yet Fuka! You can’t just jump into another guy’s arms even if you do like him too! At least tell Caramia first! Omggg, gonna die from the drama that will ensue.. I feel so sorry for Caramia… But lining up for crepes with Axel does sound so nice…. I can understand Axel’s perspective in being careful with words and stuff though, since wounds of the heart hurt much more and cannot be seen unlike physical wounds. I thought Kyrie would be the possessive type but I guess that’s Axel lol, well at least he’s honest that he knows it’s bad but can’t help it?

I was gonna say it was so inconsiderate for Axel and Fuka to consult Caramia about Axel’s overflowing love and possessiveness towards Fuka and then Caramia got controlled by Hamelin’s music and like nearly killed Axel! Crazyyyy! And then ughhh I hate how the stories and scenes don’t flow properly, it’s like, Axel defeats Hamelin and is stuck in the fire with serious wounds but it doesn’t bother to address how he got out of that and spent the next year’s festival with Fuka. It’s like as if it never happened. Like whaaat. But anyway, I guess these love triangle routes are interesting? I mean, it’s like, you’re chasing Caramia but because your heart wavers, you end up with some other guy even though you’ve consciously been going to meet Caramia every week lollll. I don’t even know if that’s good, I’d feel so weird. But whatever I guess, Axel’s cute?

Lmaoo when he asked if she’s a cat or dog person, and that he read in a book that it’s a surefire way to start a conversation🤣🤣 I hate this triangle idea but Axel is so cute. Omggg so adorable when he asked to hold her hand because his glasses broke so he can’t seeee! There is no end to his adorableness as well, especially when he took off his glasses and said that this way, he can continue holding her hand. Like dude, how much more adorable can you get?! I’d attack him too if I was Fuka lmaoo.

(Kyrie Triangle) My heart breaks for Caramia…. He tried so hard to look normal and support her and Kyrie… Whereas Kyrie was like so intent on stealing her from Caramia from quite a while ago… At least Axel in his triangle route just wanted to make her happy and he felt that he could more than Caramia. Kyrie is just so…. inconsiderate and uncaring for Caramia’s feelings. But I see why Kyrie is interested in Fuka I guess, can’t feel the romance but I can feel that he’s bored and the mystery of her existence without being able to find traces of her past is interesting. Like where did she come from…

Hmm guess it’s kinda the same as the other triangle with Caramia being controlled by Hamelin’s flute and attacking Kyrie. It’s also nice to know that he likes her because it’s fun. He has always been a person that calculates everything ahead and is logical but when he’s with her, he can’t predict what she would do and how reckless she would be next I guess lmao. Not sure if that’s good but cool lol.

I like Kyrie’s story about when he was a scarecrow though! It’s kinda cute that he’s got two different eye colours and the right one always changes depending on his mood (guess he’s like a mood ring lolol) because, back when he was a scarecrow the old man who made him didn’t put his hat on properly and rain kept washing away his painted eye, but the old man would always repaint it making it different colours lol. But now I understand why he always wears gloves and a hat! I kept thinking why does he when it’s so awkward and ugly lmao. There was a proper reason! I apologise. I’m surprised Fuka is so terrible at cooking though, it’s probably a talent in itself.

Wow, Fuka said she wanted peace in this town and Kyrie interpreted it as him might as well lessening the amount of mafia families, so basically the less families, the less conflict and that will create peace. Not sure if that’s what she meant Kyrie but whatever rolls for you I guess. Aaand it ended abruptly lol. I think the biggest problem I have with Ozmafia is how choppy and unconnected the scenes are from each other, it really doesn’t flow well at all and you really lose your bearings on what’s happening because of it, and the dreaded loading screen too of course lol.

Anyway, I feel like for more bits and pieces to come together, you have to read the different routes but since the story isn’t very detailed or good anyway, it doesn’t matter lol. I’d just recommend pure love vs Kyrie for Caramia’s story. I think that was the nicest one. Otherwise if you don’t mind the guys “stealing” Fuka from Caramia, Axel triangle route is adorable. I honestly don’t want to do the triangle routes too much because it makes me feel uncomfortable seeing the guy sad that Fuka goes with another guy… But I’m also a completionist so… Sigh. Anyway, Kyrie story next~ not a fan of him but let’s go!

#ozmafia

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marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer · 7 years

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MTVS Epic Rewatch #174

VOTE!

BTVS 6x20 Villains

Stray thoughts

1) Just in case you forgot, this is where we had left off…

Fun times, right?

2) So we get to the other questionable writing choice in Seeing Red, one that I chose not to discuss on my previous recap because writing about the bathroom scene had been emotionally taxing.

I’ve talked about this before so I’ll try and keep it short. (omg this is huge lie, I didn’t keep it short after all, moving on) I understand that the writers wanted Willow to get from point A (abusing magic) to point B (becoming Dark!Willow), and it was a plot that I was certainly expecting. It was a narrative choice that most definitely made sense. It was a plot twist that was a long time coming. I don’t remember exactly when Willow started doing magic, but it was as early as season 2. She did it without any guidance, and she enjoyed how useful it made her feel. Useful at first, powerful later on. Occasionally, Giles would frown upon her magic use, but he never truly discouraged it (despite the fact he himself had gone down that same path with disastrous consequences, but that’s beside the point.) My problem is with how they got her to point B. Considering she’d been going down that path for years, I think it could be argued that she hardly needed a trigger. Or, if the writers felt a trigger was needed, it needn’t be Tara’s death. I think it could’ve been a more interesting narrative choice to have a Good Character become The Villain because of her own choice - simply because she was addicted to the power the magics gave her and she wanted more. Remember this?

GILES: Do you have any idea what you've done? The forces you've harnessed, the lines you've crossed? WILLOW: I thought you'd be... impressed, or, or something. GILES: Oh, don't worry, you've... made a very deep impression. Of everyone here... you were the one I trusted most to respect the forces of nature. WILLOW: Are you saying you don't trust me? GILES: Think what you've done to Buffy. WILLOW: I brought her back! GILES: At incredible risk! WILLOW: Risk? Of what? Making her deader? GILES: Of killing us all. Unleashing hell on Earth, I mean, shall I go on? WILLOW: No! Giles, I did what I had to do. I did what nobody else could do. GILES: Oh, there are others in this world who can do what you did. You just don't want to meet them. WILLOW: No, probably not, but ... well, they're the bad guys. I'm not a bad guy.

So you see, she knew that she had crossed a line, she knew she had used dark magics, but she thought because she was using them to do “good” then it was okay. She wasn’t a bad guy. Right? Well, are you still good if you use dark means to help others/yourself? That’s why I think Willow could’ve gone dark using this same logic. Doing bad things while trying to do “good” (albeit selfishly so) until she crossed the ultimate line and couldn’t turn back.

Okay, you’ll say, but she was on the way to recovery. She had been doing better and not using magics for a while. You’ll say that a trigger was unquestionably needed. Granted, you might be right. Let’s overlook the fact that Buffy was already lying half dead in the backyard, which in my opinion could’ve worked as a trigger. Let’s say Willow truly needed Tara to die to be pushed over the edge.

And so we get to how Tara was killed off. Tara is the only main character that is killed not only with a weapon but with a gun. So you see, it wasn’t just about Tara dying to trigger Willow’s darkness. The writers were trying to make Tara’s an extraordinary and exemplary death. The show had made its stance on gun use blatantly clear numerous times. Guns are bad. The baddest.

Buffy herself makes this point repeatedly. And like I said, none of the main characters are hit by a bullet, let alone die of a shot wound. So having one of the main characters being shot dead had to be a deliberate and thought-out choice. It was something they’d never done before. And they chose one of the two gay characters in the show to die this extraordinary death. Of all the characters in the show, a gay character was shot dead. Now, what was the point they were trying to make...?

(if you want to read more about what I’ve said on Willow going dark you can do it here, here, and here.)

DEMON: You may not violate the laws of natural passing. WILLOW: How? How is this natural? DEMON: It is a human death, by human means. WILLOW: But I- DEMON: You raised one killed by mystical forces. This is not the same. She is taken by natural order. It is done.

I mean, this God or whatever wouldn’t bring her back right then, but what about the spell Dawn had used on Joyce in Forever? Willow still could do that… (even if it meant not knowing if the real Tara would be the one coming back…)

4) Also, how horrifying is it that while Willow was embracing her dead girlfriend her best friend was lying on the grass, barely breathing, in the backyard?

5) “He’s coming for us” How deluded was Andrew, though? I mean, he had seen Warren rape and murder his own ex-girlfriend, and he’d seen him turn on one of their own, Jonathan. What made him believe Warren would be loyal to him in particular? Was it only because of his crush on Warren?

6) I think it’s actually a great choice to have the demons at the bar not only reveal that the Slayer is still alive but also root for her to gut Warren. Like yeah! Even evil soulless monsters want to see Warren dead! I buy it.

7) This whole scene had a very Carrie vibe to it, don’t you think?

8) And then…

FYI, this is what I imagine having sex with a book would be like. I mean, it’s not that I imagine having sex with a book every day. I mean… well, you know what I mean. I hope…

9) oH GOD…

I feel so bad for Dawn here, I’m almost crying. All season she was complaining about no one paying her any attention, and now there was no one left to warn her that the only person who had been by her side throughout the past year had been shot and was still lying dead on her bedroom floor.

10) On top of everything, Warren was a megalomaniac…

WARREN: I had my own guys. The Trio, yeah, you've heard of us. RACK: Right. What were you, a band or something?

11) “Me? What did I, what did I do to her? Okay, okay, I shot her friend...” as if that wasn’t bad enough? Gtfo warren, die already, you piece of human garbage.

12) Your best friend could never…

13) “Willow, what’s wrong?” I mean, don’t you think the Extreme Makeover From Hell is enough of a clue?

14) Okay, so the first time Willow killed Warren, she didn’t use magic, she just strangled him…

And I’ll touch on this point when I get to the other Warren-killing scene…

15) I’ll always felt Buffy’s lack of emotional reaction in this scene odd…

WILLOW: When he shot you, he hit her too. Upstairs in my room. BUFFY: Oh my god. WILLOW: Guess the last shot was the charm. XANDER: She's dead? WILLOW: She's dead. Now he's dead too. BUFFY: Oh my god... Tara...

Like, she immediately comes to terms with the fact that Tara’s dead? She doesn’t break down? Tara was the only person who had been by her side the past year, she had been her friend and confidant since her friends had brought her back. I don’t know if the writing was poor, if this is how Sarah was directed, or if it was her own acting choice, but it feels wrong.

In fact, other than Dawn, Xander’s the one who seems to be most affected by Tara’s death and by seeing her dead body.

(btw, these were the directions on the script for Buffy’s reaction: Buffy and Xander are floored by this. Devastated. Buffy starts to cry.)

16) And then…

DUN-DUN-DUUUUNNNN!

17)

XANDER: Warren's a dead man if she finds him. DAWN: Good. BUFFY: Dawn, don't say that. DAWN: Why not? I'd do it myself if I could. BUFFY: Because you don't really feel that way. DAWN: Yes I do. And you should too. He killed Tara, and he nearly killed you. He needs to pay. XANDER: Out of the mouths of babes. BUFFY: Xander. XANDER: I'm just saying he's... he's just as bad as any vampire you've sent to dustville. BUFFY: Being a Slayer doesn't give me a license to kill. Warren's human. DAWN: So? BUFFY: So the human world has its own rules for dealing with people like him. XANDER: Yeah, we all know how well those rules work. BUFFY: Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. We can't control the universe. If we were supposed to... then the magic wouldn't change Willow the way it does. And... we'd be able to bring Tara back. DAWN: And Mom. BUFFY: There are limits to what we can do. There should be.

If you take justice into your own hands, aren’t you becoming exactly the type of person you’re trying to take revenge on? Bless Buffy for being the voice of reason, yet again.

18)

BUFFY: Dawn. I'm serious. You've been through enough for more than one ... ever. You should be someplace where you feel safe. DAWN: Fine. I want to go to Spike's.

BUFFY: Alright.

Alright? Really? That easy? That’s the opposite of alright!

19) At least we’re blessed with Clem’s presence in this episode…

20) Oh, my god, so much shit had gone down in the last couple of episodes that I had completely forgotten Xander still didn’t know Anya was a vengeance demon again.

ANYA: I don't need a spell. I can feel her. XANDER: You can...? ANYA: Feel her. Her thirst for vengeance, it's overwhelming. XANDER: Is that like, left over from your vengeance demon days? You just sense her? ANYA: No. Not left over.

XANDER: Oh.

21) Okay, this is for all the people who claim Anya didn’t like/care about Willow…

BUFFY: Look, Anya, we don't have much time. Which side of this are you on?

XANDER: If you know where she is, you can help us. ANYA: I'll help. But I'm helping Willow.

She was forced to make a choice here: root for the woman seeking vengeance or help a friend not get lost in the darkness of becoming a murderer. She chose the latter. It wasn’t the first time Anya had willingly chosen to help Willow and it wouldn’t be the last. I think sometimes Anya’s lack of finesse and bluntness get confused with indifference or disregard, and most often than not, that’s not the case. She cares about Xander and all the Scoobies, probably more so than they care about her. But that won’t prevent her from telling it like it is, you know?

22) I had totally forgotten about this scene! She even makes a pun?

WILLOW: Axe not gonna cut it.

Like, I guess all I can always remember about this part of the story is what happens at the end, and the rest is kind of blurry? Like this?

Or this?

or this...?

I have zero recollection of either of those moments.

23) Now, this I remember.

24) “You’re not a bad person, not like me” And that’s the question, actually. I mean, as satisfying as this may be for us viewers…

…I think we should remember that title of the episode is “Villains”, plural. Did Warren get what was coming to him? Absolutely. But in the process, one of the good guys became a villain. Let’s rewind a little bit. Let’s go back to the beginning of the episode. Tara lies dead in Willow’s arms. Willow, devastated by her grief and desperate to see Tara alive again, calls upon Osiris. This mystical force warns her that Tara’s death is a human death by human means. And now I get to the point I was referring to early on. The first time Willow attempted to kill Warren she tried to choke him with her own bare hands. She only failed because it was a robot. But imagine if she had. Imagine Willow had actually killed Warren with her own hands. The end result is the same. Willow is a murderer. Just like Warren. But I feel like if we had seen Willow actually strangling Warren to death, it would’ve been harder for us to forgive and forget. I’m not saying fans tend to forget this moment. It’s an iconic, albeit terrifying, moment in the show. But the way it is framed, with Willow using magic and the same bullet Warren put through Tara’s chest and her voicing her heartbreak and the unfairness of Tara’s death, makes it almost okay. Almost. From a narrative point of view, of course. But it’s sudden. And it’s magical. It’s almost unreal.

But picture this. Picture Willow closing her hands around Warren’s neck. Picture her choking him and picture Warren gasping for air. Picture her reveling in watching him breathing his last breath. Picture how long it could take her to do kill him that way. Picture Willow letting Warren’s limp body fall to the ground, as a human and not a skinless, faceless body. Picture that and tell me how it would make you feel about Willow. Picture Willow becoming a murderer in that way and tell me if you would still cheer her on, if you would be able to think of Willow as anything other than a murderer, regardless of who she killed. Picture that and tell me it wouldn’t make you feel horrified and disgusted in the same way that Spike makes us feel in the bathroom scene.

I understand the writers’ choice. They wanted Willow to be the villain, but they didn’t want us not to be able to forgive her. They wanted us to still be on her side, throughout it all. And for that, I’m grateful. But we shouldn’t forget that for all intents and purposes, Willow is a murderer.

25)

TBC...

#Buffy the Vampire Slayer #BTVS #Buffy Summers #Willow Rosenberg #Tara Maclay #Villains #MTVSepicrewatch #BTVSrewatch2015 #mine #recap #tw death #death tw #btvsrecap

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thewaywedo33 · 7 years

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Wynonna Earp 2x07 Thoughts and Faves

There seems to be something special about a Wynonna Earp episode seven. Much like 1x07, this episode feels like a point in the season where everything starts to gel together and hurdle forward at a rapidly increasing pace. Also, Wynhaught goodness was the cornerstone of this episode, much like last year. Version 2.0 was awesome, to say the least. Shall we dig in?

In the opening scene Wynonna realizes Mercedes and Beth are connected to the Widows. I’m glad we’re moving into the cat and mouse stage between protagonist and antagonist. It was a delicious tension throughout Season 1 with Bobo, knowing he’s the bad guy, but having to wait for him to make a mistake, or, as it turned out, make his big diabolical move. With five episodes left in the season, I feel like we’re exactly where we need to be.

The opening scene cemented a particular concept for me. We wear the biggest blinders concerning the people we love. Wynonna realizes Mercedes is different almost immediately, knows something is off about her in a bad way. Yet, even when all the signs were there, it took her months to acknowledge something was off with Waverly.

After everything with Willa, it is understandable for Wynonna to have a particular desperation and need for Waverly to be okay, but she ignored major red flags. Waverly is a blind spot of sorts for her. We all joke about Wynonna being oblivious, but I don’t actually think it’s the case most of the time. We see her pick up on the changes with Mercedes right away. Her quick wit and constant commentary is actually indicative of someone who’s well aware of the reality going on around her. The fact that she has blinders on when it comes to her own family (let’s face it, she did it with Willa too), stands out to me, and is extremely human and relatable.

Doc seemed somewhat frail this entire episode, and I’m not just talking about the obvious coughing in the homestead. Something about his voice and movements seemed off and lacking their usual lively charm. I know he’s got a few things going on with the baby situation, but it felt like very specific choices were made to show his health, and immortality, fading. In a show like Wynonna Earp, I tend to assume scenes exist for a reason, and Doc’s car struggling to start seems like a metaphor. “Cursed piece of junk” applies to both the car and to himself. I’m fully expecting for the gang to have to figure out a way to save him from the death he’s skirted for multiple lifetimes now.

One might assume I’ve run out of things to say about Wynonna and Nicole at this point, but alas, I have not. Their friendship is a slow build, and I appreciate the relationship development between them as much as the one between Nicole and Waverly.

Underrated moment of the episode: The murder callback to season 1. In 1x07 Wynonna suggested they murder pancakes, in 2x07 she wants to murder science. I’m a sucker for little touches like that.

It took two seconds for Wynonna to give in to Nicole when she asks who Wynonna thinks she’d rather piss off, her, or Waverly? No one wants to deal with Waverly’s wrath. Special shout out to the thing Kat Barrell does with her face when she says “or your sister?” Actually, special shout out to everything Kat Barrell does in this episode. Her comedic timing is so good, and when played off Melanie’s timing, we get tight, hilarious scenes.

I love the way Wynonna refers to Nicole as “Officer Haught” when she calls her naïve. She’s starting to differentiate between the personality aspects she doesn’t understand/don’t mesh with her own, and the person Nicole is as a whole, who is someone Wynonna actually likes and respects.

And can we talk about how protective Nicole is of Wynonna now? Sure, some of it is due to her being Waverly’s sister, but mostly, Nicole is just a solid, upstanding person who wants to protect of those she cares about. Nicole knows she can’t defeat Revenants on her own, yet she tells Wynonna to jet when the danger becomes apparent, all the while planning to stay and get the saliva sample from Jonas herself. Talk about going towards the danger. Not to mention, she nearly gives herself alcohol poisoning to help Wynonna maintain her cover.

Then we get the wonderful face she makes when Jonas asks if the baby is his and she tells him no, only to have Wynonna tell him “maybe”. Nicole is so upset. She doesn’t want Wynonna putting herself in any more danger than she has to, just like with Waverly. I’ll never stop yelling about the two of them and their relationship dynamic, FYI.

I feel a bait and switch coming on, but not necessarily in the traditional sense. We have not one, but two instances in this episode of the camera/dialogue hinting that Waverly is the product of a demon and human. Look, I think there have been too many comments and references for Waverly to actually be the product of both Ward and Mama Earp, but I think there’s something else at play too. It’s weird to me how the camera pans to Nicole in the execution scene, right after showing Waverly, when Jonas says “Rumor is it’s happened before.” It happens exactly when Wynonna says “That’s the problem with rumors, people tend to believe them.” Why? I don’t know, but it’s niggling at the back of my brain. Might be a red herring, might be something else. Either way, I love that this show makes me think about things this hard.

I’m glad Waverly finally shared her secret with Wynonna. They need to get to the bottom of this together. They’re better, and stronger, when they have each other’s backs. The proof of it is all over this episode. Waverly asking Nicole to stay with Wynonna so she’s not alone; Wynonna looking at Waverly before she shoots Jonas to get her verdict on the matter, and proceeding once she gets the little nod; “Ours” (catch me crying forever over that). The Earp sister relationship is the lifeblood of this show, and it won’t matter a single iota if they don’t share both of the same parents. The family you choose (related by blood or otherwise), is always going to be a more potent bond than one you have no say in.

I can’t finish this without mentioning the boys, because their B plot and interactions were delightful. I love the way Jeremy feels like the hapless little brother Doc and Dolls have to band together to protect (from others, and from himself). And the Doc/Dolls beer share at the end was exactly what I want from their relationship. Much like Wynonna/Nicole, I think Doc and Dolls work best when they have a mutual respect and admiration underlying their differences and conflicts.

Miscellaneous Scrap Thoughts and Fave Lines:

-There were two fantastic moments concerning judgement in this episode. First with the doctor, who I want to wrap up and ensure no harm comes to after seeing what happened to the blacksmith last year. How important and amazing was her scene with Wynonna? “I’m not here to judge.” The care they are taking with the pregnancy storyline, while still staying true to the essence of the show, is astounding.

I also really liked Wynonna and Nicole’s interaction at the strip club. Wynonna may have joked “There’s so much more to judge”, but I think after Nicole hears why Wynonna used to work there, her judgement is over. At the very least, I think she now understands there’s a myriad of reasons one might have for working in such an establishment, and making assumptions is not the way to go.

-“He must have roofied the Pinot Grigio.” – Why do I find this line so funny? I don’t think it works as well if she says any other wine.

-“Would you like me to draw you a diagram? Because I will.” – Wynonna. And then, Nicole actually does a diagram of sorts to Waverly, outside the strip club, and we have a perfect full circle moment.

-I feel for Jeremy and his Doc crush. “Not that I blame him for anything.” Oh sweetie, that is the worst kind of crush to have. No one is infallible.

-I don’t think Nicole is actually gluten-free. There is no way an establishment like PussyWillows carries gluten-free beer, and Nicole was pretty much mainlining it.

-When Waverly cries, I cry, and I assume everyone else does too. I’m preparing my tear ducts for the rest of the season.

-Dolls fanboying over Bass Reeves is amazing. I love when we get to see hints of his lighter side.

And hey, how about that Season 3 renewal?! I can’t tell you how much it means to me that we aren’t done with this magical show in five episodes.

I started watching the show after the first two episodes aired, because someone tweeted the magical words ‘badass sister relationship’, which is my weakness, (probably because I’m one of three girls, we’re all horribly sarcastic, our childhood dynamics mirror the shows’ more than I care to admit, but I would go to hell in a handbasket for either one of them), and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life.

Everything about Wynonna Earp is quality, from the cast, to Emily Andras, to the Earper fandom, to the wonderful talent we have producing podcasts, writing recaps and conducting interviews each week. Thank unicorn we get another season. But hey, I want more, so let’s get started on that Season 4 renewal push!

This show has such a potent grasp on my heart, and I don’t know that it will ever let go. I’m okay with that.

#Wynonna Earp #wynonna earp 2x07 #In which I try not to show my undying love for #Nicole Haught #WynHaught #Earp Sisters #And fail yet again #Oh well #It's all just thought vomit at this point anyway

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brimbrimbrimbrim · 7 years

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Hello! I just want to say I absolutely love your writing and your work and I am so glad I found your blog! I wanted to see if I could request like a mini fic if at all possible because you are honestly one of the few people who manage to capture Wrenche's personality perfectly? I'm having a lot of issues with depression today and it's particularly bad and I was wondering what a goofy adorable Wrench might do to try and cheer someone up?

Anon, I’m sorry to hear you’re having a rough patch. I’m glad I can provide something nice for you to read in the hopes it makes you feel a bit better. Thank you for your wonderful compliments! I have a larger Wrench fic in the works, but hopefully, this will work for now.

I have also posted this on AO3 for an easier read. LINK

Something was up. You only know that because the garage has been quiet for the past hour. At first, you hadn’t realized what that tickle in the back of your head had been, but you realize now that it’s the lack of power tools and robotic sounding ‘fucks’ coming from Wrench’s ‘special’ corner that troubles you. When that particular black cloud decided to hang over your head - which happened at random, lasting however long it wanted - you rarely paid much attention to the outside world. The fact that Wrench’s garage is dead silent, and that you noticed it at all, could only mean he’d stepped out when you weren’t looking or… more realistically, that a bomb was about to go off.

From behind your shoulder, you peer across the bright, dusty expanse of the hangar, spotting Josh’s green hooded-back, researching HaDoCk’s latest batch of emails in his own quiet way. You blink with a slow measure of bleakness, exhaling darkly against the blanket you had draped over your head for the past twenty-four hours. Saftey; you think morosely. The scratchy weight of the fabric doesn’t really help, but you feel a little less like falling into the floor with it blocking out the world around you.

Same principle as hiding under the blankets to escape the monster when you were a kid. The monster was gonna eat you if it wanted, and even as a kid you knew that, but you still hid under the covers anyway. Looking out across the messy garage, you realize why you were more able to keep your chin up in this corner than if you’d been camped out on the hood of the old caddy - the place was pure chaos. Like a grenade went off in here, you think, frowning.

It was Wrench’s garage after all. Maybe a grenade had gone off at some point.

Fuck it… you think, twisting back towards your computer screen with a loud, metal screech. You don’t startle, just wheeze at the animated sight before you - spikes, leather and mischief. There, sitting cross-legged on the desk is Wrench; emotes of double carets staring at you and one of those party crackers in his hands.

Please… no….

“Congratulations!” He exclaims, pushing on the plunger, showering you in confetti and cheap paper streamers. For a second, emotion flickers in your chest, but it’s definitely not the type meant to be in response to party favors. In a deep, mocking announcer voice, he continues, “What has she won Jimmy?! What’s that? Is it - it’s a neeeewwww… no, it’s not new, but it is handsome if not a little rough around the edges.”

Wrench gives you a tilde-caret wink as the last of the party fodder drifts down around you. Your heart flutters just enough to tell you you’re not completely dead inside, but your lips just don’t care to twitch, let alone smile. Poised there, on your desk, Wrench leans forward as if waiting for the laughter you must surely be about to rip.

With a heavy breath, you blink and part your lips, demanding, “What?”

Even to you, the question sounds dead. Not even your prescribed medication, meant for moments like this, have helped any. If Wrench wants some attention, then he’s better off finding it anywhere but here. You’ll only disappoint him and that, you’ve come to realize, is not something you want to do. Wrench won’t help, just like the pills haven’t helped and if anything, his little attempt at cheering you up just annoys you.

In all honesty, these past few days of feeling empty nearly allows you some perverse enjoyment in being frustrated by him. It’s something at least, though it sucks about as much as that raw, hungry sensation in your core.

Wrench clears his throat, double carets flattening out into underscores before he - inelegantly - reaches forward to sweep the confetti and crap off your blanket-covered shoulders. You side-eye his hand, watching the bones and veins flutter underneath his incognito dude tattoo.

“Well, I’ve done all I can. Time to take you out to pasture,” he tells you, voice chipper but hesitant as he flicks a bit of paper off the top of your head. Double x’s pop up and with a short huff of laughter, he kicks a foot up on the edge of the desk, throwing an arm over his knee before finishing with, “I bought a dozen donuts as a backup plan, you know… in case I had to raise this situation to a DEFCON two.”

As if to clarify he adds, “I’m not going to put you down… just FYI.”

Most of that passes through one ear and out the other. A voice in the back of your head whispers that whatever Wrench is doing is meant to make you feel better, but it’s not worth it. You sigh, billow out your blanket of shiny crap, rearrange it over your forehead and huddle back into code-compiling mode.

Left without a response Wrench twitches, shifting on the desk; legs collapsing over the edge. His ankles swing back and forth. He hums off-key, eventually whistling something that sounds like ‘It’s a Small World’ until you send a pointed glare his way.

Instead of leaving you alone to wallow in misery, his mask blinks double carets, “I know what you need!”

In a short second - so fast the computer screen shakes - he’s off the desk and darting away like a fucking felon, but he’s gone and that deflated part of you that was trying to be social sighs in relief, settling back into a dark pit; making itself scarce once again. Some part of you appreciates the effort, but a greater part of you doesn’t care at all about Wrench trying to ‘cheer’ you up.

He comes back five minutes later with a cardboard box in his hands. You watch with half-lidded eyes as he crawls up over the desk, knocking over a speaker.

“Oo, sorry,” Wrench mumbles, sounding… a little cute, but mostly you exhale, realizing he doesn’t sound like much of anything. He leaves black scuff marks as he skids up, standing on the desk with only a slight wobble. Your fingers pause, hovering over the shift key as he steps over the screen, legs spread with one foot on either side of the keyboard. Gently, Wrench lowers the cardboard box over the monitor with double zero’s and x’s flipping back and forth over his mask.

You blink slowly, watching him crouch behind the monitor, knees on either side of the cardboard box that happily reads, ‘SuNshiNE & PiZZa.’

“My treat, but if we don’t get pineapple on half, I’ll leave your ass at the Pier.”

It takes a lot of effort, but you manage a weak, “…not hungry.”

If you were capable of feeling any worse, you’d feel shitty for the dejected way Wrench plucks his custom made monitor cover off the screen, shuffles his way off your desk and accidentally kicks over the speaker for a second time, before hopping out of sight.

Two more times he shows up - once with a dirty apron on, holding a car jack like a dog while spouting off hammed up lines from ‘Silence of the Lambs.’ The second attempt at cheering you up ends with fire. You’re not sure how he manages to set the cement floor on fire, but it’s only sorta, not really amusing to watch him out the corner of your eye as he stomps out flames with ‘Come Sail Away’ on full blast behind him.

After the smell of burning rubber fades away and the garage is silent once again, you decide it’s safe to say Wrench has finally given up.

For ten solid minutes, you’re left alone… or maybe the time on the computer is off, and it’s been four hours. It feels like it’s been forever when the reassuring keys under your fingers rip away - someone is dragging you by the back of your chair. The computer screen grows smaller and smaller and stagnant air ripples the edges of your safety blanket. Without reason, a blush rushes into your cheeks as Wrench’s mask slips close against the back of your neck. You can hear his static-laced breath beyond the thick blanket as he drags you and your chair across the garage.

Fingers white on the armrest and knees tucked up; you hold on with muted surprise as Wrench spins you around. Your world swirls like a bad drunken night for a few seconds before he halts your chair; your body jerking at the sudden stop.

Laid out in front of you is his table saw, cleared of all the metal dust and plastic chips. For a moment it almost looks like he’s scrubbed it down, but you blink at the telltale smudge of oil and feel your eyebrows pinch.

“Voila! Welcome to Casa de Wrench,” the forced French accent doesn’t work when filtered through his mask. He sounds like if HAL and Mario had a baby… wait Mario was Italian… ugh, you can feel your brain literally sigh as a tattooed hand, sporting rubber black bracelets, starts waving across the ‘spread.’

“We’ve got these round things with sugar. These - these are… also round, but! - these are fitted with the choicest of dulce and sprinkles. Just imagine the poor unicorn that had to cry those things out for you.”

It’s nice - it really is but-

“I also got you a black coffee with two sugars and a shot of battery acid,” he rants off, so quick and… awkward that it actually throws you for a loop. With a curious expression, you peer up at him past the drape of the simple checker-print blanket and find him looking down at you with running ellipsis.

Say something; you’re more apt mind whispers.

With a frown, you look back at the mess of donuts - most of them crushed as if Wrench had accidentally sat on the box at some point - and the extra large paper cup of coffee.

There’s a little plastic seal sitting off to the side… you note that it’s been placed further away as if Wrench hadn’t wanted to make the little extra addition as obvious as the donuts and coffee.

Coffee and donuts were easy to pass off as a friend looking out for another friend, but a little trinket like that? With a careful hand, you reach out, crossing the spectacle of sugar and caffeine to pluck up the plastic seal. It’s cheap - one of the gimmicky things those t-shirt vendors by the waterfronts sell to tourists, but… it tickles your chest; makes you feel just a little bit lighter, and while you can just barely hear Wrench mumble excuses for the gift, your lips twitch upwards.

Beside you, Wrench goes quiet.

For the first time today, you slip the weight of your blanket off your head and smile. The gesture doesn’t even feel forced - it doesn’t hurt to make, and the soft sound of Wrench’s exhale only makes the faint smile curl further. There’s still a pit in your stomach - a heaviness weighing you down, but it doesn’t feel as dark. Even the world seems a little less gray and pallid.

When you turn towards him, he’s leaning back with two thumbs up, swaying them to and fro in a silent question. Better or worse?

“…better,” you whisper, eyes crinkling with a little wave of contentment.

Your weak response literally causes Wrench to jump for joy, arms in the air, releasing a loud ‘whoop’ of noise.

“Fucking awesome!” he shouts, turning at the waist just to throw a finger at Josh across the garage, who’s staring blankly at the two of you, “Fucking told you I had the magic touch.”

“I,” Wrench inhales dramatically, “am The Whisperer.”

“Usually that term is meant to follow a noun, also acting as an adjective-” Josh interjects.

Beside you, Wrench’s mask drops into underscores, followed by inward arrows of frustration, “Oh my god, shut’the’fuck’up. It’s an overall term.”

To demonstrate said ‘overall’ term, Wrench caresses the air into a circle, spiked shoulders hunched forward. It’s serious and yet not - much like Wrench’s personality is. He’s always full of piss and vinegar - rainbows and dynamite. It’s infectious.

An amused sound trickles into your ears as Wrench mimes his ‘overall term’ while Josh grimaces. It isn’t until Wrench is looking at you with question marks and Josh is staring wide-eyed that you realized you’d laughed. Giggles bubble up under your oversized hoodie, and they only rise into fits of laughter as Wrench’s fist pumps the air, whispering about how majestic he is.

By the time your throat is raw - breathless with laughter - it feels like all that black tar settled in your gut is gone. You shift in your chair, smiling, feeling ten times lighter with the little toy seal gripped in your hands. Colors come back - the world brimming with crisp edges and glitter. The tuned down thrashcore in the corner filters into your ears and as if on cue, your stomach grumbles.

When was the last time you’d eaten? Yesterday morning, maybe.

Only slightly oblivious to Wrench watching you eat - hiding the heart emotes under his hoodie - you take a sip of perfect, hot coffee and ready your tongue for a round hollow disk of deliciousness.

Wrench, you decide, is a fucking national treasure.

#ask #anon #wrench #watch dogs wrench #fanfic #fluff #wrench/reader

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