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#gone till its gone
sameschmidtdiffname · 2 months
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I can take them both
I do NOT mean in a fight
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sairee · 10 months
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AleRudy First Kiss
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You should be with me (aka Alejandro gets jealous)
(word count: 2086) - ao3 link
Rudy knew since they were kids that Alejandro was it for him. 
Rudy had always felt that there was something different about himself. He never really understood the fascination that his cousins or that Alejandro had with women - it just didn’t seem to interest him. 
When Rudy and Alejandro first became friends, Rudy was intrigued by the fiery passion that Alejandro had. He played, fought, and cared with his whole heart. He spent a lot of time with Alejandro, always wanting to be with him, even before he knew what that meant as a kid. 
When they entered high school, Rudy’s loyalty to Alejandro (even during times when he might be in the wrong) started to morph itself into something more.
Rudy wasn’t stupid. He was well aware what it meant when he flicked his eyes down to Alejandro’s lips when he wasn’t looking. He had become familiar with the way his heart skipped a beat when Alejandro accidentally touched him. He enjoyed watching Alejandro when he was deeply engrossed in telling a story.
It hit him one day that all of these feelings, were love. 
Although Rudy had admitted this to himself long ago, Alejandro never seemed to feel the same way. But Rudy had accepted this. 
Alejandro loved to talk about women and he always seemed to have a new girl on his arm each month. Still, Rudy learned to swallow his feelings in order to remain by Alexandro's side. He wanted nothing more than to stay in his life no matter what. 
Alejandro would often ask Rudy for advice about what to do or what to say because the man was always dating someone. Rudy would try to help like a genuine friend would as well. 
Rudy also sincerely liked some of the girls that Alejandro briefly dated. He always got to meet them as Alejandro would organize a casual group setting for their first date, or hang out, with Rudy and sometimes their other friends as well. 
It made Rudy feel special that Alejandro would ask what he thought about the girl, like his say had any weight in their relationship. Alejandro always took his words to heart, even if they weren’t necessarily positive.
Alejandro always had someone and Rudy was always single. Alejandro tended to tease him about this.
“When are we going to get you a girl?” Alejandro would ask with a laugh. “Is there someone you want?”
I want you.
Rudy would chuckle and wave his hand. “No. I’m not interested in anyone.”
“I know a dozen girls would love to have your number. Just let me know and I’ll be your wingman!”
“Yeah... maybe one day...” Rudy said, hiding his pinched expression.
Still, Alejandro was his best friend and he didn’t want to imagine a life without him in it.
Rudy secretly struggled with his feelings for many years throughout high school and eventually felt comfortable enough to come out to Alejandro. He was so nervous that it would change things between them but he wanted to let Alejandro know about an important part of his life. He didn’t want to hide it anymore.
Upon hearing his confession, Alejandro tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes, deep in thought. Rudy didn’t know what he was expecting but after a few seconds, Alejandro let an easy smile spread across his face. He patted Rudy’s shoulder like he’d done a million times before. 
“That explains a lot!” he joked. “I can start being your wing man for any guys you like. It doesn’t make a difference to me!”
Letting out a relieved breath, Rudy knew that he would always be by Alejandro’s side.  
After they graduated high school it took a lot of work, and many years, but Rudy was eventually, slowly, able to get over him. Alejandro would never be able to reciprocate his feelings, so Rudy had to learn to move on. 
They stayed by each other’s side as they joined the army, rose through the ranks, and started Los Vaqueros together. It was enough for Rudy.
Until it wasn’t.
After some time, Rudy met a nice man that he really liked named Carlos. Rudy decided that it was time he start to date and break free from the bubble he had trapped himself in.
So they started dating. Rudy kept is a secret for a while just to feel it out, but once he was sure he really liked Carlos and that they got along well, he was excited to introduce Alejandro to him.
Rudy organized for the three of them to meet at a bar so they could chat and have a good time, a casual environment. He expected the night to go smoothly as had always happened when he accompanied Alejandro to his dates. Instead, Rudy felt blindsided. 
The night started off perfectly fine as Rudy introduced the two of them and they sat down in one of the booths with their drinks. They were having easy small talk as they eased their way into the conversation. Alejandro looked slightly guarded, but this made sense as they’d just met and the two of them were just starting to feel each other out.
Carlos tended to be a touchy person, which Rudy didn’t mind, so every now and then Carlos would grab Rudy’s hand, put his arm around him, squeeze his leg. Alejandro got a strange look on his face each time it happened, but Rudy chalked it up to the fact that Alejandro had never seen Rudy act this way with anyone else before and was simply trying to get used to it. 
Rudy could pinpoint the exact moment when the atmosphere of the entire table shifted. Rudy was explaining how they met at a mutual friends football game and as he was speaking, Carlos leaned over to press a kiss to the side of his face. Rudy smiled and briefly looked at Carlos before turning back to Alejandro to finish the story. 
But when he looked back, everything had changed.
Alejandro got a soured look on his face and his brows furrowed intensely. He started to become uncharacteristically cold towards Carlos. It shocked Rudy as he was not expecting this kind of reaction from his friend.
Alejandro would often refuse to look at Carlos, give snappy and short answers to his questions, interrupt him, or be more interested in something else going on at the bar. 
Rudy felt a pit of dread in his stomach as the situation started to get out of his control. He knew that Carlos could also feel the tension by the way his eyes seemed to dart around awkwardly and his body tensed. 
Rudy tried to bring everyone back on the same page but it was too late. 
At some point, Alejandro gruffly excused himself to use the washroom leaving Carlos and Rudy alone at the table. 
Carlos stood up and grabbed his coat. 
“Wait! Where are you going?” Rudy asked, also stepping out of the booth. 
Carlos kept his eyes down on the coat in his hands. “I think it’s best for me to leave...” he said quietly. “I don’t think I’m very welcome here.”
“That’s not true!” Rudy exclaimed, reaching out for Carlos’ hand. “I want you here.”
Carlos pursed his lips for a few seconds before slowly pulling his hand back. “I’ll see you later... yeah?”
He started to walk away before Rudy could respond, the chimes above the bar door ringing loudly as the door slammed shut behind him. 
Rudy felt lost. And sick. 
Then he started to feel angry.
He whipped his head back towards the curved corridor that Alejandro had walked down to go to the washroom. He felt his vision turn red and jaw clenched in anger. He stormed over to the washroom and turned the corner with haste. 
Alejandro was leaning up against the wall just a few feet before the closed door to the washroom. His eyes were locked onto the wall opposite, a deep scowl on his face. 
A flicker of uncertainty flashed across Alejandro’s eyes as he looked up at Rudy storming towards him. Rudy felt his anger rise up inside him and he shoved Alejandro before he knew what he was doing.
“What is wrong with you Alé?!” Rudy shouted. “How could you be so cruel?”
Alejandro flinched away from the shove and averted his eyes. He crossed his arms and rested his back up against the wall again.
“I didn’t like him...” Alejandro murmured, refusing to meet Rudy’s eye. 
Rudy walked around so he was directly facing Alejandro. “What does that mean?!” he said, beginning to feel frustrated and even more lost. “Do you know how many girls I also didn’t like? But I still help back my tongue in front of them and was nice.” Rudy clenched his fists up trying to control his anger. “I have sat through dozens, dozens of women for you and you couldn’t do it just once for me?”
Alejandro’s jaw clenched and he swallowed a lump in his throat. Still he refused to meet Rudy’s eye. He had never acted this way before with Rudy. 
“What... now you have nothing to say?” Rudy scoffed. 
“I don’t think you two should be together...” Alejandro muttered. “I don’t think you should be with him.”
Rudy let out an incredulous huff of a laugh. “I finally met someone I really like and you say this?” Rudy shook his head in disbelief. “He is kind and sweet and cares to see me happy. If that is not someone I should be with, then who should I be with?”
Before Rudy had time to react, Alejandro rushed close to him, completely crowding his body. A small gasp escaped out of Rudy’s lips as he was pushed up against the other wall, Alejandro holding the side of his face so he wouldn’t hit his head. 
Alejandro surged forward and pressed their lips together in a frantic kiss.
For a second, Rudy felt like he wasn’t a part of his body anymore. He was frozen in shock, caught unexpectedly. All thoughts and emotions had left his mind leaving him with a blank slate. 
Then he felt Alejandro’s warm lips moving against his own. 
Rudy was suddenly sucked back into his body as he reached out toward the other man. He gripped the front of Alejandro’s shirt with one hand and cupped his face with the other. Rudy kissed him back enthusiastically, memorizing the feel of Alejandro’s lips against his. 
It was everything he had been dreaming of his whole life. It was like sweet honey on a summer’s day. It was a taking a dive into a refreshing swimming pool. It was coming home after an exhausting day.
Alejandro slithered an arm around Rudy’s waist, pulling their bodies closer. Like this, Rudy could feel Alejandro’s hard body pressed up against him and the way his muscles tensed and relaxed as their lips continued to move together. 
He was kissing Alejandro like he was the oxygen to his lungs. 
All of a sudden, Alejandro abruptly pulled back just an inch and looked down at Rudy. Rudy was left panting as he had forgotten to breathe in the surprise.
Alejandro gently touched their foreheads together and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.
“Me... “ Alejandro whispered softly. “You should be with me...”
Upon hearing these words, it was almost as if Rudy’s brain couldn’t comprehend them. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. 
“Alé...” Rudy somehow managed to squeak out. 
As if breaking out of a trance, Alejandro suddenly blinked a few times. He pulled his head back and looked down a Rudy, eyes wide. Terrified of what he’d just done. 
Alejandro unwound his arm and took a step back, a panicked expression on his face. He quickly turned and started to walk away. 
“Wait!” Rudy called out for him, but it was too late. He disappeared around the corner as Rudy was still frozen against the wall.
He felt like he was dreaming. He felt like what had just happened wasn’t real. He closed his eyes and focused on the way Alejandro’s mouth placed phantom kisses on his lips. He could still feel the warmth.
His heart was beating out of his chest as he brought his fingers up to touch his lips. 
Rudy opened his eyes and stared at the empty hallway, feeling more lost than he had ever felt in his life.
ao3 link
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canesshuga · 2 years
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SONGS THAT CARRIED ME THROUGH 2021 (40/60)
Janet Jackson - Got ‘Till It’s Gone (feat. Q-Tip, Joni Mitchell)
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notetaeker · 11 months
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May 21, 2023 - Sunday
We're really in the thick of it now~ grading season is in full swing, the internship project is in it's middle stages, planned events for the masjid that need to be worked on, and other urgent projects are looming in the future. I'm just spending my days checking things off my list the way kpop idols try to remove post its from their bodies in that one game lol: some are more difficult than others.
Retail therapy: got a tiny new shelf for my plants and my first watercolor set✨
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shrimp-propaganda · 6 months
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they don't know they almost died yesterday. just doing their shrimp things like normal.
also shoutout to Neptune's for having a replacement pump that fit my tank yesterday when it was going to take four days to ship one
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outlawofgreen · 18 days
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ok but just imagine from tills perspective... as viewers we know the whole tragedy of it but imagine being ready to die on that stage and instead the guy whos kind of a friend but you wouldnt consider the two of you close by any means comes up to you the moment you give up and starts kissing you and choking you and then dies at your feet. now youre completely utterly alone but most importantly you still have to process the last minute of Events and Realizations such as 1. hes gay 2. hes gay for YOU 3. hes dead
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kasaneteto · 1 month
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i cant stop thinking about burning man’s soul
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lookitseddie · 3 months
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so, did everyone else also have a visceral reaction to the first few lyrics of mammalian sighing reflex? because i'm pretty sure they changed my life
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luyo-mi · 7 months
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Im a frikecn genius, thats so hot of me
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thisseethingcoast · 27 days
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just took apart and reassembled the bathroom sink
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I will never stop screaming about the untapped potential of Shouto and Fuyumi's relationship
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craycraybluejay · 2 months
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i. i want to write something for myself. i love my job but god i reqlly should've just taken a break and written something that was nagging me.
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bloodratx666 · 5 months
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should i get black arctic fox or nah
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#good tweet anomaly#poetry#THIS IS POETRY TO ME.so at work.at my stupid gay job. i spend alot of time standing infront of tvs. just all over the place.#SO ALOT OF ADVERTIZMENTS ARE CONSTANTLY GETTING BEAMED INTO MY BRAIN.and honestly. i prefer TV ads over computer or mobile ads.#theyre still like. catching up if that makes sense. still feeling jsut a bit more human. i remember looking at the behind the scenes for ad#and thinking WOW!! they put soap in the glass for beer ads to make it foam up more!! they make food out of wax to make it look appealing!#they have to make such SPECIFIC MACHINES to rotate cameras JUST RIGHT for the PERFECT SHOT#THATS BEAUTIFUL!!! ISNT THAT COOL??just to say 'buy our stupif fucking thing' they bring together so many ppl#to do what humans do BEST!! THEY WORK TOGETHER AND CREATE!! THEY MAKE UP PROBLEMS TO SOLVE!!#scienceprojects in highschool were so cool sometimes. i remember working w other people to build towers out of marshmellows&spagheti sticks#these ppl werent exactly my friends. but it was still fun bc we were all really trying. bouncing ideas off eachother. working together.#i like thinking about how things are made. i LOVE looking behind the curtain and breaking the magicians code.#LIVING HAPPY MEANS FINDING BEAUTY IN ALL THINGS.so i will find the silver within the screen constantly blaring into my head.#so it cool to see ads that look like they took alot of effort and creative knowledge to make.could you imagine if it was all suddenly gone?#im on the side of robots. and its thegreedy n lazy n cruel people that want to bend a machine to their will. bc it cant yell and fight back#A COMPUTER MADE THIS BASED OFF WHAT IT WAS SPOONFED.its an amazing advancement of technology!but so was fire.#it WILL be used as a weapon.which is unfortunate.but we will adapt.we WILL adapt.in ways we may not expect.#got distracted n lost my train of thought. TILL NEXT TIME!!!!
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hojlundaise · 1 year
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