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with-my-murder-flute · 7 months

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TLT theory: Aim, Jod, and the second part of the message

My brain is fevered. I feel like I've constructed an elaborate Pepe Silvia corkboard in my mind, and it feels like it makes sense of everything, but I honestly have no clue if that certainty will last very long.

I think I know what the Messenger is carrying. I think I know why John has waited ten thousand years.

Spooky preview quote from HtN chapter 2:

I mastered Death, Harrowhark; I wish I’d done the smarter thing and mastered Time.

Spoilers for Gideon, Harrow, and Nona the Ninth.

BoE's chronology has always been kind of weird to me: Five thousand years after the Resurrection happens, they pop up with intense and detailed knowledge of the 21st century! Jod destroys languages and cultures and societies, but BoE keeps popping up! How.

Originally I thought the continuous thread over the years was a Lyctor who helped them (and the necromantic implant does seem to point that way) but I also think part of it is that the ships that escaped just before Earth's devastation have been showing up one by one, over a huge span of time. That's why Wake says "My long-dead natal sun" and can quote Eminem at length; she spent ten thousand years suspended in time, before re-entering it.

NtN, John 19:18:

They said they’d managed to find some poor dipshit geek who’d fixed the FTL problem of getting locked in the chrono well, you know, moving so fast you were stuck doing quantum wheelies. They’d come up with something where you could oscillate out so long as the ship was attuned to a prearranged spectrum outside. I still don’t understand the maths. It’s going to take me ten thousand years to understand it. I couldn’t follow, but A— could. He said immediately, What is the point if you still have no fucking clue where your ship is going to end up when you shake out of FTL. They said, Aha, but we can track it once it’s out. A— said, It could be halfway across the universe or phasing through a planet. They kept arguing that probably wouldn’t happen [...] They said it was expensive, so twelve ships would go first, with one guiding them out with the beacon frequencies like a tugboat leading a cruise liner, triangulate for Tau Ceti, dump the population, and come back.

I think that AIM's message is the beacon that will call the last of the FTL fleet out of the chrono well. They are "we", they are the first of two parts, because their identity is the person they were before coming the Messenger, and the ships that still haven't oscillated back into three-dimensional space yet, because they are under AIM's personal guardianship/intimately tied to possession of her body.

NtN, John 5:4

I think the only reason I haven’t done it already is that I can’t bear the idea that I wouldn’t be able to touch them—that they’d still be out there …

I think Jod has been at this for so long because he is waiting for an event that could literally take an infinite amount of time to occur. He hasn't killed the entire colonized population yet because he wants something out of them, and it doesn't seem to be labour or devotion or even thanergy.

I think he's looking for the fleet's beacon, in a way that's like lighting a grassfire to flush animals out of hiding and deprive them of shelter. I think he's constantly killing planets and relocating and resettling populations before funnelling them together again, like a distillery trying to heat and separate different liquids as they move from flask to flask, because he wants to finally decant the key to the last ships that escaped him.

#lis's tlt theories #the locked tomb spoilers #the locked tomb #ntn spoilers #gtn spoilers #htn spoilers

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fioreofthemarch · 7 months

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Finding Her - final chapter

Link makes notes, takes photos and keeps time on his quest across Hyrule, in the hopes of finding Zelda and staying sane until he does. [ Previous | First | AO3 ] with artwork by @nocturnalfandomartist at the end!

A photograph of Hyrule Castle seated on a rocky mesa of petrified Gloom. Where once malice and corruption rose high into the air, there is nothing but clear skies.

A photograph of the rolling meadows of Hyrule Field, with Lookout Landing approaching just over the next hill. Ahead of the camera walks a woman wearing traditional garb, her short golden hair still a little damp.

A photograph of a group of Sheikah, young and old, at the gates of Lookout Landing as they greet the golden-haired woman. Their arms are outstretched towards her, tears in their eyes.

A photograph of the five Sages of Hyrule, crowded around the woman as they draw her into a group embrace. The woman has her back to the camera as a young Gerudo vai hugs her tightly.

The same picture as above, only now the woman has turned to the photographer. She smiles, surrounded by her friends and allies. Despite the weariness on her face, she radiates warmth and contentment. She is finally home.

Caption: Thank you Rauru and Sonia. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you tha

---

Welcome to the Purah Pad!— Home Screen —

Today’s Purah Pointer: [Placeholder - Robbie can you please add something? Do NOT call me if you can’t think of anything.]

> Camera (Scanner)

Scanner sub-function selected. Please place text to be scanned in view of the Purah Pad camera.Scanning…Processing…

Scanned text uploaded. Eight (8) documents have been added to the Purah Pad.

1. BATTLE IN THE SKIES: A SPECIAL LUCKY CLOVER GAZETTE REPORTby Penn of Rito Village (Guest Correspondent)

26th Satorember 104AC

The citizens of Hyrule were treated to an extraordinary sight yesterday after what appeared to be an enormous, demonic dragon emerged from the ruins of Hyrule Castle.

It was approximately midday when what is being dubbed the ‘Demon Dragon’ appeared. Eyewitness accounts state that a second entity, which some have called the ‘Light Dragon’, was also spotted and appeared to confront the Demon Dragon, however this has not been verified.

About an hour after the Demon Dragon appeared, there was a colossal explosion in the skies that caused several grassfires on Hyrule Field. These were swiftly contained by brave volunteers of the Zonai Survey Team who happened to be in the area. The Gazette can confirm there were no ground casualties.

Earlier this week, the swordsman Link and the Sages of Hyrule departed Lookout Landing to mount an assault on the Demon King Ganondorf. The outcome of that battle is not yet known, and investigations continue as to whether this mission has any links to the Demon Dragon.

More to come.

2. A letter, with a stamp that reads ‘Rito Courier Certified’

Link,

Forgive the chicken scratch, I don’t write a lot of letters.

I heard the Princess is back. Good for her. Knew she wouldn’t abandon us. Good job dealing with the Demon King too -- you saved all our tailfeathers there.

Tulin’s back with us now. Just writing to say thank you. He’s got a long way to go, but I can tell that hanging out with some responsible adults has put him on the right track. Though sometimes I wish he’d never learned about this Sage business. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard ‘Would a Sage have to do his chores, Dad?’ Ridiculous.

If either you or the Princess need a holiday, Rito Village welcomes you. I’d sure like to hear the story of the battle against Ganondorf from someone other than a cocky teenager. Let’s just hope that’s the last of Hyrule’s troubles for now. We all enjoy a good fight, now and then, but a broken wing never really heals if you know what I mean.

Fly well, Teba, Elder of Rito Village

3. A pamphlet advertisement printed on paper that smells of fireproof elixir

MINE-CART LAND: GRAND OPENING

YUNOBOCO IS PROUD TO PRESENT THE PRIDE OF ELDIN CANYON, NOW OPENING TO THE PUBLIC FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. COME FOR A FUN-FILLED DAY WITH ACTIVITIES FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY:

‘THE ROCK ROAST REBELLION’ DINNER AND SHOW

MINE CART RIDES AND TARGET MINI-GAME

MINE TOURS

MINING

THIS ONE-OF-A-KIND ATTRACTION IS NOT TO BE MISSED. CONTACT YOUR LOCAL YUNOBOCO SALESGORON FOR TICKETS.

FIREPROOF ELIXIR SOLD SEPARATELY.

YunoboCo is the author of this pamphlet for the purpose of copyright. © YunoboCo 104AC

(overleaf)

Link! Zelda!

Look at this! Isn’t it great!? We got it back from the Lucky Clover Gazette just today. Took a bit of negotiating with Traysi to let us use her printers, but we got it done. I can’t believe Mine-Cart Land is gonna open for real — it’s all thanks to you or we’d all be Demon King lunch!

The other Sages said you’d gone back to Hateno to rest. They’ve all got fire ants in their pants wanting to get back to rebuilding, but I say we’ve all deserved a break. How many people can say they saved the world twice?

Anyway, let us know next time you’re in Eldin. Slergo and Offrak have been asking about you every day. Dinner’s on us!

Yunobo

4. A letter written in silver ink on lily white paper, in cursive that borderlines on unreadable

The 8th Day of Octoroktober, 104 After Calamity

Princes Zelda Bosphoramus Hyrule 5 Wildflower Crossing, Hateno Village Necluda, Hyrule

The Reception Celebration of the Wedding of Their MajestiesKing Sidon and Queen Yona of the Zora

By command of the King, the Advisor Muzu is directed to invite

Princess Zelda Bosphoramus Hyrule And Sir Link, Knight-Captain of the Hyrule Royal Guard

to be present at Zora’s Domain on the 3rd day of Naydrember, 104AC

Dear Princess Zelda,

I hope your recovery in Hateno with Sir Link has been restorative. As Winter draws closer and the days shorter, time of respite is often best spent with close companions.

My dear Sidon has told me all of what happened to you in the ancient past, and I must extend my deepest sympathies for the hardships you have endured. I cannot even begin to imagine them. I must also express my gratitude that Sidon has returned to us. While he is so humble as to pass all credit for the victory against the Demon King to Sir Link and his fellow Sages, to those in Zora’s Domain he is a hero.

It would give us great joy if you could join us in a month’s time for I do so wish to meet you. However, I will understand completely if you choose to remain in the quiet solace of home.

Sincerely, Queen Yona of Zora’s Domain

5. An informal letter, written in an assured hand

Zelda,

Did you also get an invite to Sidon and Yona’s wedding? Or second wedding? I’ve never even been to Zora’s Domain. You will have to tell me what to wear. Is it cold? Is there really water everywhere? Not that I have a problem with that.

So your sabbatical with Link has been just ‘good’? I get the sense you’re holding back details. If you don’t want to put anything in writing, you can call me using the Purah Pad. I could tell, Zelda, that when Link brought you to Lookout Landing after our battle with the Demon King, he couldn’t wait to whisk you away again. And what’s this about leaving Hateno next week? So soon!

I suppose I understand. You and I have our kingdoms to take care of. It is nothing less than our duty to do as much as we can. Heroines, I don’t think I’ve ever had a holiday. Even going to Lanayru is ‘official business’ as Chief of the Gerudo. But I will get to see you, and we can talk and laugh and drink all evening. Until then, sister.

(Or you can simply call me! I want to hear everything, Zelda. Even if he proposes. ESPECIALLY if he proposes).

Yours, Riju

6. A typed letter, on paper with a watermark of a Sheikah eye

10.20.104AC

Princess Zelda and Champion Link Lookout Landing Central Hyrule

Princess, Champion--

Thank you for your latest report from Lookout Landing on the rebuilding efforts post-Upheaval. I trust that Purah isn’t working you too hard and that Josha is proving a very dedicated assistant. I know that Impa’s instruction was for you to rest as long as you need, however I disagree. On the contrary, I believe that engagement and activity is the best way to stay invigorated. It worked for me after all.

I’m pleased to report that the manufacture of a second Purah Pad is nearly complete. I’ll need to finish the work at my lab in Akkala, so will be returning there. You’re welcome to visit any time. I suggest doing so before Dincember. Once Winter starts in Akkala, it really settles in.

Speaking of Akkala, Granté visited last week and wishes to relay that the house Link purchased from the Hudson Construction Company is complete. He also said something about not knowing if you wanted plants or children’s toys in the house and that he ended up purchasing both. I suggest you liaise with him directly on that matter.

Regards, Robbie

7. A hastily scrawled note bearing the mark of the red Yiga eye

To the scoundrel who calls himself Link,

You have slighted us for the last time! Master Kohga will have his vengeance.

Already our forces gather weapons of ultimate death beyond your comprehension! Just last month, we debuted the HOVERDOOM MK.4!

Your day of reckoning approaches. As soon as we find his excellency , you will know true fear! So just let us know if you have seen him… if you want to live!!

Damn it, why am I even writing this note? I’ll just leave it in our hideout in Karusa Valley. Link will never get in there…

8. A carefully and neatly written note, on lined paper

Zelda, Hyrule’s adored Princess

I am dictating this note to Josha, as my construct arms cannot grasp a writing quill. I had intended to create an attachment to allow this, however it was not to be.

It is my request that you gather the Sages to Lookout Landing, where Link and I have built a new balloon ship. Link may no longer have my brother's arm to aid him, but his strength and endurance have proven invaluable in this endeavour. With this ship I intend to bring everyone to the Temple of Time on the Great Sky Island. It will be my gift to them as Sages, and then I must depart.

There are words I must say before then that I fear will fail me if I try to convey them to you in person. However, you mean a great deal to me, so I have written them down instead.

Zelda, my dear friend. You had no obligation to aid my people, yet you sacrificed everything to do so. When I thought all was lost against the Demon King, your faith and hope for the future gave me the will to continue. It was your bravery in the face of annihilation and your vigilance over many millennia that turned the tides in our favour and allowed us to finally end the war. Hyrule will be forever in your debt and this act will be your legend.

I am merely grateful to have survived to your era, to have met your friends and allies (whose wedding feast I was honoured to attend), and to have seen that Hyrule will be under the care of those who are not only wise, but courageous and kind. One such Hyrulean sits at my side now, helping me write you this letter.

As a final note – during your absence, I saw firsthand just how deeply Link cares for you. When you described him to me, I pictured a brave Knight of course, but the Link I met was more than that. He overflowed with tenacity, even in his darkest moments, and while the past half-year has been difficult, I don’t think he ever truly gave up hope of seeing you again. You are to him as the sky to the stars and the ocean to the waves; whatever you dream of he will dedicate himself to its fruition. I will leave you content in the knowledge that together, you will guide Hyrule to new beginnings and greater futures.

We will be ready to travel to the Great Sky Island in three days. I hope you will join us on the journey.

— Mineru

---

Log date: 14:00. 11th month, 12th day 104ACLocation: Akkala Beach, AkkalaWeather: Calm

Well, it is done. I have read every log, viewed every photo and listened to every recording on this Purah Pad. It is quite the account; the valiant quest of Link, a Knight of Hyrule, to awaken the Sages, defeat the Demon King, and reunite with his beloved Princess Zelda.

With me.

I scarcely know where to begin. I can hardly believe I am here at all. Yet, I am here, thanks to Link and the Sages, and Queen Sonia and King Rauru… All of them devoted themselves to Hyrule’s salvation, for which I will always be grateful. Link tells me I was of aid in the final battle, and while it is true that my power was able to restore the Master Sword, a blade is only as strong as its wielder.

So is this it then? Is this true peace, after all this time? I myself have been restless, falling from memory to memory. I cannot shake Rauru and Sonia from my mind. They were the ones who gave me my life back after all, or so Mineru theorised before she left us. It feels like only yesterday that I was dining with them all in their grand palace. I keep expecting to find Rauru in his hall talking with his constituents, or Sonia out in a garden tending the flowers, or Mineru lost in a book within her vast library. I wish we could be together, but I take solace that they can now rest. I will honour them by protecting the Kingdom that fate has passed to my care – it seems the least I can do.

Since that fateful day of the defeat of the Demon King, Link and I have attempted to rest. However, I believe it is in neither of our natures. We spent some time in Hateno, the first two days of which we did little more than sleep. During that time, Link clung to me day and night, protesting the second I was out of his grasp, as though to pin me to the earthly realms lest I float up into the sky again. Then, once it became clear I was back for good, neither of us could bear lazing about. The more he told me of his quest to find me, the more I wanted to see all of our friends and allies again. The more I told him of my journey in the past, the more he wanted to show me the Zonai relics he had found. We were back on the road within a week, and have just come from Lookout Landing to visit Akkala and see our new house.

In quiet moments I have been reading the extensive field notes that Link has kept on this Purah Pad. I cannot describe the feelings they provoke in me. I am constantly struck by the tremendous efforts of all those in Hyrule. Their headstrong Princess set another Calamity upon them, and never did they despair, only banding together to vanquish Ganondorf once and for all. And Link… he suffered so greatly when he learned what happened to me. I’ve felt compelled to apologise for it, and often. When I was lost in the past I ached to return home, but I accepted my sacrifice as necessary. I never thought what sacrifice really meant. To lose yourself is one thing; but to be lost to all those who love you? Such consequence didn't occur to me at the time.

He does love me, doesn't he? It overwhelms me to read his words, they tremble with it. Yet somehow I never knew. I was so foolish as to never even tell him myself. All that time together, before the Calamity, before the Upheaval, and we never said such simple words. We took for granted that which felt obvious but could be so much richer if confessed. We’ve remedied that now, many times over. And I do love him, more than anything, and I want the life he dreamed of for us. Certainly, we have already begun, first with the house in Akkala, and lately with much practice at the necessary steps towards a family of our own. (I do hope no one but Link ever reads this.)

To that point, this will be my only entry into this particular Purah Pad. It is no longer mine. Through every hardship and triumph of the past half year, this little device has been Link’s constant companion. So I entrust it to him now, to continue recording our story and the story of Hyrule. I pray it will be a good one, though perhaps with a little less excitement than what has occurred thus far.

By the Goddess’ Grace,

Zelda

A photograph of Link, resting underneath the shade of a palm tree on Akkala Beach. He wears his ancient Zonai tunic – a makeshift beach outfit – and has his hair loose. His eyes are closed and he appears to be taking in the warmth of the sun, and the cool of the ocean breeze.

Caption: I better wake him up, the sleepyhead...

---

Log date: 14:30. 11th month, 12th day 104ACLocation: Akkala Beach, AkkalaWeather: Calm

A lot has happened. Plenty to write. This Purah Pad has given me a voice I didn’t know I had. Think I’ll start with an account of how we defeated the Demon King (or Demon Dragon) for that Lucky Clover Gazette column Penn mentioned…

But not now. Not for a long while.

Zelda’s here. We’re both here. It’s a sunny Autumn day and we have a home to go back to, one that’s up on a hill, overlooking the sea. I’ll make her dinner; a meat and rice bowl maybe, with ginger and Hyrule herb? Then tomorrow we’re back on the road – the whole Kingdom is ours to explore. I’m up for anything – somewhere new to find, someone new to meet, a new puzzle, a new enemy, a new fight. I can face it all, face anything, with her or without. But it doesn’t matter, not right now. She's here, in my arms, watching me type this. Better not write too long. Fate gave us back the time we nearly lost. I’m going to make the most of it.

Until next you hear from me,

Link

A photograph of Link and Zelda, together on the shore of Akkala Beach, the sun shining above. Link laughs and blushes as Zelda snaps the photo – still smitten, even after all this time.

Caption: Home and heart, heart and home.

artwork by the wonderful @nocturnalfandomartist

#totk #tears of the kingdom #zelink #tloz fanfiction #legend of zelda #legend of zelda fanfiction #link #zelda #in the words of spike spiegal and also NBA commentator mike breen: BANG

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ceescedasticity · 3 months

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Unforsaken, 11b

(All sections on tumblr)

(AO3, lagging behind but more polished)

As rattling as this development is, there isn't much they can do with it until the Geese condescend to approach them.

So: Wizard's Clay demonstration.

Celegorm has dug an impressively deep hole considering the limited time involved and his lack of proper tools.

Celeborn bites his tongue on a 'at the bottom of a hole, keeps digging' joke, only for Turgon to make the exact same joke. Celegorm throws a rock at him.

Gimli and Dyn direct the others in placing the Wizard's Clay carefully in the hole and laying fuses back up out of it. Legolas directs the others in stopping up their ears.

…The elves can get by with ósanwë, but they'll probably want to come up with some hand signals.

The ensuing explosion is loud and moderately impressive, but would be more impressive in rock.

Estimated sticks of Wizard's Clay left behind to threaten the peace of Middle-earth (counting the 25 left in Emyn Arnen): 5574

They repeat a few times, so everyone can get a chance handling the fuses, and Dyn demonstrates joining fuses for multiple emplacements.

"Although these are so close they'd set each other off anyway."

Estimated sticks of Wizard's Clay left behind to threaten the peace of Middle-earth (counting the 25 left in Emyn Arnen): 5560

Elrohir asks about the possibility of lighting a fuse from farther away with fire-arrows? Okay, good idea; more Wizard's Clay, more fuses — shorter this time, though they back up even farther.

The first attempt severs the fuse rather than lighting it. The second one lights the fuse, but also a small grassfire. (Fortunately the grass is green and the fire easily extinguished, even though they have to wait until after the explosion to rush forward and deal with it.) The experiment is tentatively declared a success.

Estimated sticks of Wizard's Clay left behind to threaten the peace of Middle-earth (counting the 25 left in Emyn Arnen): 5552

Gimli hopes they come across some exposed rock so he can run everyone through boring holes to place the explosives.

Risyind asks how concerned they should be about the warden coming out and attacking them as soon as they start boring holes in its house.

No one is sure. However, Glorfindel is of the opinion that if there's an umaia in there and it didn't make an appearance at any point in the Second or Third Ages when Sauron needed backup, there's probably a reason for that — maybe it can't leave without breaking something.

"Or it just didn't like Sauron," Elladan suggests.

Celeborn is of the opinion that per their palantír viewing the physical outside of the the Crucible has been weathered, so it can be weathered, so crude physical impacts short of explosives should hopefully pass as more weathering. At least assuming there aren't any windows.

The orcs agree there are definitely no windows.

****

The Geese continue to hang back.

"Do you think they're planning to fight as swans?" Elrohir asks, as they try to catch a glimpse of their great-uncles.

"…Maybe?"

Neither of them has been attacked by a swan — as with geese, it's about respecting them — but they have witnessed a few unfortunate incidents among the Dúnedain.

A large swan could probably inflict some moderate-to-serious bludgeoning damage? Which doesn't sound like the right thing to fight an umaia, but then, they've never heard anything about umaia in general being immune to blunt force, they're just… presumably durable.

"I mean, it's likely any battle with an umaia wouldn't be entirely physical, anyway…"

"Would they know how to do that instinctively?"

(Elladan and Elrohir definitely don't.)

*****

After being quieter than usual for most of a morning, Maglor guides his horse to walk beside the wagon Turgon is driving and says, grimly, "I need you to tell me more details."

"Meaning…?"

"If I'm supposed to sing to free orcs or fight an orc-warden, I need more to build on than what I know now. Tell me about Bellow, tell me about Squint — tell me about Goblin-town."

Turgon can see how that would make sense. "I can, but — when you say details—"

"None of the editing I'm sure you're doing for Glorfindel," Maglor says. "All the awful things you want to leave out to spare me."

"Maglor—"

"If I can't handle it from you, I won't be able to handle it from Celegorm, and I need to do that, so I will handle it."

Honestly Turgon would just as soon leave some things out to spare himself, but when Maglor puts it that way… "Fine. But we have to make sure Glorfindel and the kids don't hear it."

(By "kids" he means everyone born in the Third Age. Maglor considers pointing out that Elladan, Elrohir, Khitwê, and Risyind are all older than Turgon was when he died in Gondolin. Then he feels sick at the thought that Turgon and Celegorm and Curufin have all spent so much longer trapped as orcs than they got to live—)

The discussion takes up the entire rest of the day and into the night, and leaves them both rattled.

Everyone else courteously does not listen, but there is a lot of intense staring.

The next day Maglor talks to Sharlinnu.

*****

(An incomplete list of things Turgon has been editing out when speaking to Glorfindel:

Squint's suicides when he remembers the truth.

Bellow's suicides-by-orcs-or-whatever's-handy.

The cannibalism. Bellow discouraged it in Goblin-town and it was rarely anyone's first choice, but it was unavoidable in the armies — and orclings get fed dead orclings before they're old enough to make their own choices.

(The opinion that as long as you're scavenging a battlefield and they're all already dead anyway, Men are more nutritious than orcs, so.)

Knowing your body is not your own. Starting out in a shape like an elven child and growing those bone spurs and permanent bruises and painful scars.

Knowing your mind is not your own. The burn of the Shadow's influence in your mind, subtle until it isn't, calling you to serve, calling you to kill, calling you to hate, seeking to consume every other thought or feeling…

The ugly mockery of desire that summons orcs to multiplication duties. There's no pleasure. It's just an unpleasant itch. The horror of facing it with your memory intact — and how the horror fades away, because at least it doesn't make you feel anything.

That he's almost as sad about the fall of Goblin-town as he is for the fall of Gondolin. Possibly more so at this point, actually, because even if Gondolin hadn't fallen to Morgoth it would have fallen literally with the rest of Beleriand, and there have been and are many other perfectly acceptable large elven communities. Goblin-town was one-of-a-kind.

Just not caring anymore, sometimes.

Talking to Celegorm is going to be a challenge.)

#a tolkien tag #orc bank #orc bank unforsaken

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wanderingchocolateeclair · 3 months

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the e!jeanist character study i literally wrote last year and we both forgot about until now haha whoops

Tsunagu thinks back to himself- the unclear but very present line of his before and the after. The lie and truth. At the start, it was… well.

He starts thinking of it like this:

Grassfires. There is a tradition- burn the old to make way for the new, to send the grass up in flames and leave the roots belowground to grow again. He is a grassfire. The fire is time. Time eats everything up in the end, be they legacies, memories of body and mind, problems, stories. The roots are himself. The grass would be things that had happened. Ashes after the fire were- memories, hazy, unclear things.

What had happened, in the during just before the after, the not-quite-yet-before, was… not any of this. A lightning strike, maybe. A bomb. Tractors on the land, razing it and ruining it- not ruin. That’s a bad thought. Tsunagu remembers talking this out with his judge-mandated therapist. He was not ruined- and even if he was, kintsugi existed for a reason. People ruined themselves and remade themselves all the time.

It’s just. He didn’t- Tsunagu wasn’t… he was his fault. He had sat through lectures on manipulation. He’d read about it, words flowing in and out of his sometimes-seive of a brain. He remembers most of it. And Tsunagu- knows this. Clearly not in application, he’d tried that and it did not work, but in theory.

When he looks back at his time with Rai, all the warning signs were there. Red flags hidden in plain sight- then again, Tsunagu himself had been kind of a red flag. Rai had made him feel… seen. Loved. Wanted, and he’d taken to that like a starving animal to a corpse. At first. It was almost like that starving, chained, muzzled dog from his childhood years. The first person that showed affection to it was the one it imprinted on. Would die with. Would stay with forever.

The path downwards to, -he doesn’t want to say abuse. It wasn’t abuse. It wasn’t that bad, people who were actually hurt by others deserved that word more- to, getting hurt more by him had been slow. It was loving looks at the dinner table turning into stilted conversations where Rai wasn’t interested.

It was Rai slowly edging away from him. Pointed comments. Arguments ending in Tsunagu crying and him leaving their apartment for a few hours. His phone being stolen by Rai, once or twice. Back then he hadn’t thought anything of it. It was an accident, right? Rai wouldn’t hurt him. And if he did, then it was on Tsunagu- he was too sensitive, too traumatized, shouldn’t have done what he did… but Rai hadn’t done anything. Anything much. It was small things. So it was always, always his fault.

Then it was like nothing had happened. They sat at the dinner table and chatted about their days. Cuddles on the couch. Banter. Kisses on the forehead and holding hands while they… while they. Were intimate.

Repeat. And it was always after Tsunagu had done something Rai didn’t like. One time he’d been talking to Kuugo about how it was in Japan, and Tsunagu had laughed at a comment he’d made, and then the internet had cut out in their apartment. And then his phone had been broken, and… Tsunagu had lost quite a few numbers, that day. He’d gotten them back, but then Tsunagu had just slowly isolated himself from his friends.

Rai’s ‘anger’ wasn’t really worth it, back then. He’d felt… battered, almost, as he made excuses to avoid going out with them.

Tsunagu doesn’t like thinking about it. Whenever he thinks on it too long there’s a buzzing noise in his ears, and a raw, animal feeling scrabbling at his ribcage. Tears spring to his eyes. He has always been somewhat of a crybaby.

He takes a deep breath and pinches himself right in the meat of his arm. The sharp, expected pain snaps him right out of it.

Therapy assignment. Right. Yes. Reflecting on… on emotions about Rai and Tsunagu’s time with him. It hadn’t been all bad -rot rarely extends throughout all of it, at minimum the surface has to be intact to lure animals in- but it was- rarely all good, either. He was a manipulator, Hakamada, the therapist had said. He was ‘good’ to you, yes, but was there a catch? Was there something he was trying to get from you?

And the answer was almost always yes. Yes, there was something that Rai had wanted. Yes, there had been something he wanted Tsunagu to overlook or be distracted about. When he’d come to this conclusion, he wanted to throw up. Tsunagu felt dirty, almost, thinking about this- he should be grateful, be thankful that there had been somebody who loved him. Wanted him for something.

What was different between love and want, anyways? What was the difference? Selflessness? Letting another person go? Acceptance of another’s wants? Both of those had them. All of that was under one or more categories. Want and love, no matter how pathetic it was- it was a sense of belonging, in a way. A feeling of somebody wants me.

Tsunagu had wanted that, almost a year ago. Rai had given him that. He can’t fault him for that. All the blame lay at Tsunagu’s feet, anyways, from start to end. He had been the one to jumpstart their relationship. The first kiss. Everything other than them moving together.

That had been an unanimous decision, happening over a month or two. He’d started finding Rai’s things all around his apartment, and eventually, without him really noticing, it had become theirs. Tsunagu had felt… less alone. Less safe. More judged. And he didn’t know what to do with those emotions, back then, so he’d tucked them all away and out of his heart the best he could. Out of sight, out of mind.

It had worked for a while, even.

And then there was the loathing. The first time Tsunagu had snapped a little bit, and shouted at Rai. It had been a silly, little, small thing. He had left his phone on Tsunagu’s nightstand. And he didnt’ know why, but. Well- Tsunagu had been so angry. He’d just. Snapped, like a frayed thread. (Looking back, that anger scared and rejuvenated him. It was a force of nature in motion, waves crashing onto shore, the moment where ice shattered-)

He’d stormed into the kitchen and thrown the phone at Rai’s face. And then, well, Tsunagu’s anger ran cold, mostly. In the scale of hot and cold anger- well. He kept his bottled up, chilled, frozen, so when it leaked out Tsunagu could brush it off as just a bad day. But with pressure comes heat, and when the bottle breaks, it breaks hard. Release of pressure, expansion, a lava-hot explosion of rage.

But back then, the bottle hadn’t broken. Yet. The shouting and anger-laced tones and the boom of the explosion had come when Rai grasped his shoulder, asking-telling Tsunagu if he was alright. Shouting. He doesn’t really remember what he’d said.

And then Tsunagu had left. For a night, just to stay at a hotel and to clear his mind.

…He’d gotten so far off topic. Tsunagu glares at the paper telling him to write down the emotions you feel when-

Emotions. How would one go about catagorizing them? Bit by bit, box by box, until you could point at one and say that is happiness. That is sadness. That is the emotion I felt when I learnt about the stars. That is hate. That is heartbreak, or was Tsunagu supposed to look at it, examine it from every angle until he knew the exact details of how, when, why about it? Was he supposed to print them on words, into paper?

He bites down into his cheek. Alright. What did Tsunagu feel when he thought of- those few days. Yes. Well.

Avoidance, is the first thing he writes, trying his best not to think about it. Betrayal is next to arrive on the list. Tsunagu had been- it was-

Kuugo had said that it wasn’t his fault. Shinya didn’t know. And the therapist had also said it wasn’t his fault. So. Logically. By democratic vote, it was a tie. Rai had said it was his fault, and prisoners still have the legal right to cast ballots in an election. Tsunagu… Tsunagu knows what he thinks.

(It’s his fault.)

So it’s a tie.

Tsunagu scribbles out Betrayal because he’s writing with a pen and not pencil- actually, he should go get one. As well as an eraser. To get rid of the mistakes, yep. But… he needs to finish this before the next appointment. And Tsunagu’s been, um, putting it off for a few hours. Days. Almost a week.

He goes to see the therapist -Tsunagu’s never asked for her name, and she’s never given one- twice a week. And they’ve made… some? Progress? Yes. Some. He can actually stay here and not drift off. And the anger issues are… not gone, Tsunagu’s not sure if they’ll ever be gone, but he’s in more control over them now. He spars with Kuugo whenever they’ve got time. It helps. Control in any form he could get it helps.

(Tsunagu hasn’t eaten today. Because that is something he can take control over. It is his life. It is his body. He can do whatever he wants to it. Whatever. Not whenever, but whatever- he could carve bloody fractals into his ribs and nobody would notice if he didn’t want them to. Tsunagu hasn’t slept in days, probably.)

(It all blurs together at one point or another.)

But. Anyways! Back to the exercise. Emotions. They sucked. Chemical fomations in the brain.

…Sadness, Tsunagu writes down. Irritability. Wait, he still needed to get a pencil and eraser. He gets up from the desk and goes into his room… where did he put the stationary holder again? He looks around -bed, beanbag, bookcases, plant, ceiling plant, glow in the dark stickers, small desk with computer and charging stations…- oh, there it was.

It was on the windowsill. When Tsunagu picks it up and walks out with it, quietly shutting the door as he leaves, the pens and suchlike are still warm. He absently tips the container over, pens, pencils, a pair of chopsticks, a exacto-knife, two long erasers, and whiteout tumble out.

Tsunagu contemplates this for a moment. He really should try to work on this thing. But, on the other hand, he could also make a little stationary tower. Like the Tower of Babel. Christian bible stuff.

The tower was smote by god due to their… hubris, right? And then languages had happened. The Christian Icarus’s tale, except this one only warns of too much ambition and pride. It does not warn of the dangers of apathy, of flying too close to the sea, of not trying hard enough and only settling for the lowest-hanging fruit.

…he doesn’t like this thought. Oh well. Back to making a stationary tower he goes- Tsunagu’s hands have done most of the work, anyways. He starts humming a song while doing so. And then his eye catches back onto the paper-

Ah. He’d almost managed to forget about it, too. Tsunagu sighs mournfully and picks up a pencil from the top of the tower, spinning it. Does he… really have to do this? Ugh. Tsunagu, objectively, knows that he does. Logically he does. Emotionally he very much doesn’t want to confront this problem. Maybe with the depths of freezing-cold rage -he’s not sure when that got there and why- Tsunagu had picked up somewhere along the way. Maybe when he’s drunk. Maybe when it hasn’t been just one or two months after it happened. …he needs to finish this assignment or else Kuugo is going to shout at him in a friendly, Kuugo-like manner. And then, well, before he would have gotten a hug. Now he gets a snack or a drink. Tsunagu sprawls back down on the floor. What other emotions? Flightyness? Was that an option? Was that even a word?

---- -story anon (hello eclair :D)

Another banger from Story Anon!! This time e!jeanist edition :D

So- uh, this is relating to my jeanist backstory -which i have yet to really post a summary for- and theres some big stuff in there.

But yeh!! this is one of my favourites, thanks for popping it into my inbox as always :D

@laughteronsilverwings

#long post #ask to tag #cw abuse #best jeanist #story anon <3 #if you would like to hear about my jeanist backstory pls let me know #itll have to be tagged a lot sigh #theres a lot of themes that must be read with caution

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submalevolentgrace · 1 year

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"Regional communities have been urged to prepare for a grassfire-driven fire season with fuel loads in some parts of the country’s east the highest they have been for a decade.

Record rainfall and back-to-back La Niña years have led to “prolific” grass growth in New South Wales and Victoria, particularly in the western regions, as well as in South Australia..

Recent warm and windy days have already led to grassfires in those areas. The NSW Rural Fire Service, Victoria’s Country Fire Authority, and the SA County Fire Service are warning communities to be prepared, as more typical summer conditions are expected to return through January and February."

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boricuacherry-blog · 1 year

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He wasn't a brutal person, but everyone has a limit. If he got in, she was dead. But my mother didn't seem upset. In fact, the harder he pounded, the happier she looked, pink-cheeked, bright-eyed. She got out the folding knife from her pencil can and unfolded it against her thigh. We could hear him screaming, crying, his velvet voice rubbed threadbare. "I'm going to kill you, Ingrid, so help me God." The pounding stopped. My mother listened, holding the knife open against the white silk of her robe. Suddenly he was on the other side of the apartment, pounding on the windows, we could see him, his face distorted with rage, huge and terrifying. "I'm going to kill you!" he screamed. I shrank back against the wall, but my mother just stood in the center of the room, gleaming, like a grassfire. "So helpless in his fury," my mother said to me. "Impotent, one might say."

-White Oleander

#white oleander #quote #book quotes #book #janet fitch

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ifridiot · 1 year

Text

I posted 8,089 times in 2022

70 posts created (1%)

8,019 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wambin

@tabakabhangigkeit

@jawnwicks

@grassfire

@rainbow-smite

I tagged 442 of my posts in 2022

#tagged for me - 27 posts

#luce writes - 23 posts

#tyler bait - 13 posts

#frank castle - 10 posts

#uuu - 10 posts

#wade wilson - 10 posts

#cable - 9 posts

#nathan summers - 9 posts

#cablepool - 8 posts

#deadpool - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#or they tell you you're remembering your own life wrong because the story you tell 'couldn't have happened to a child that young'

My Top Posts in 2022:

I believe with all my heart that he can do this

29 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

For the mini fic: Cablepool, with the prompt 'noise'

Noise

There's a noise Cable makes when Wade does something just right, and call Wade a sucker, but he can't get enough of it.

It's not (shockingly) a sex thing. Or at least, not strictly. Wade can get Nate to make the sound when they're in bed (or on Nate's couch, or in the kitchen, or wherever else clothes happen to come off), but it's just as likely to happen elsewhere.

It's an approval sound, low and throaty, somewhere between a grunt and a hum. With Nate's growly Charlton Heston voice, it's a sexy sound, even when the moment isn't right for sexy things.

Just a little sound, soft even, but Wade loves it. He finds himself, on his best behaviour – or at least his most useful behaviour – going out of his way to make it happen.

39 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

Cash-strapped sexy writer seeks YOUR wallet TODAY!

Home repairs are hell and I’m trying to get out from under a doozy of a bill I’ve had to put on credit. If I can pay my tab before April 30th 2023, I won't owe any interest, which would be rad. Unfortunately, disability pays like shit. SO.

Would you like to buy a series of commissions? Now's your chance. How about a backstory for your new OC? Wham. Want to read some niche porn? I've gotcha there too.

What’s on offer:

Original fiction (includes erotica) – 10c per word

Fanfiction (includes erotica) – 5c per word

Editing (fiction, non fiction, essays) – 5c per word

Copy writing for websites, flyers, etc. – 10c per word

I’m willing to write for basically any fandom, or even OCs if you provide me with character details. However, if you want me to do lots of research (watch a show, read a book, study a wiki about your obscure fave), I have to charge for my time.

Opening five slots a month, starting today!

OCTOBER

1. TAKEN

Examples of my writing are HERE

Venmo (@Ifridiot) or PayPal accepted

GOAL: 000/ 375 month

TARGET AMOUNT: 1081/$3000 by April 2023

170 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

Hey all, so I finally found a good therapist who doesn’t think that lupus can be cured with positive vibes and veggies, and although he’s only charging me 40$ a session, I’ve now got to find an extra $160 a month on top of the utilities, student loans and the other fun shit that I barely meet each month. I also need to get my cat groomed and vaccinated this or next month, which was planned for until the electric company decided to double my usual bill.

I’m a disabled trans writer. I write gay erotica, angst, and monster fucking, both in fanfic and original work. I’m willing to write for most any fandom, or even OCs if you can provide me with character and plot detail. However, if I’m being asked to do extensive research (watch a show, read a book, study a wiki about your obscure fave, learn the nuance of your OC), I will need to be compensated for time.

I’m doing at least 500 words per $12 spent. This means you are GUARANTEED 500 words, but likely will get something more like 750. The more money you spend, the more words I write you. Spend more, get more words, easy peasy. Max commission at this point is 5000 words guaranteed ($120).

Please talk to me first before paying for a commission, in case what you want is something I can’t or won’t write. Hard no’s include but are not limited to: incest, bigoted anything (no racism, trans/homophobia, ableism), gratuitous violence against animals or minors, pedophilia.

Email me (fixyouupnice @ gmail) or send an ask to discuss what you’d like written.

I’m currently opening six (6) slots to start!

1. @eritela

2. @formlessvoidbeast

3. @eritela again

If you can’t donate or don’t want to commission, please help by reblogging.

Paypal is HERE

Examples of my writing are HERE

UPDATE: the electric bill has been paid! I'm still working on the medical debt. Unfortunately, I just got stuck with another 500$ bill on top of the 230$ I owe for various blood tests and imaging stuff. Help is still very much needed and appreciated!

387/730$

407 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Nobody's stopping you from taking 4 tablespoons of butter, melting it in a pot, and adding two tablespoons of minced garlic. Nobody's stopping you from letting that garlic saute for like two minutes, or from then adding in two tablespoons of shaved parmesan. And nobody will stop you from stirring half a pound of al dented pasta into that buttery mess, cracking some pepper over it, and feasting on the garlicky spoils gained from such labours.

Nobody's stopping you. The cops can't even arrest you for it.

33,223 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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