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wlntrsldler · 5 months

Note

Hi!! For ur song challenge could you write cinnamon girl with Jamie Tartt 🤍

cinnamon girl | jamie tartt

based on the song cinnamon girl by lana del rey

description: your ex did a number on you. now you're letting the ghosts of your past control your relationship with jamie.

pairing: jamie tartt x f!reader (she/her)

warnings: language-- it's ted lasso, what did you expect?; sad!jamie, insecurities, miscommunication-ish, emotionally abusive ex

word count: 4.2K

ted lasso requests are open | main masterlist

In your last relationship, your ex constantly made you feel replaceable. At first, it started out as snide remarks from his friends that he laughed at, never once defending you or your relationship.

“Oh, Y/N, be careful with that one, nobody can tie him down.”

“He’s slippery, girl. Keep an eye on him.”

“You’re his girlfriend? Wow, props to ya. I couldn’t ever commit to someone like him.”

You tried to brush it off, ignoring the sting of his laugh after each comment. He didn’t even deny it. And the worst part? He would make comments comparing you to his exes even without the presence of his friends. You knew how he was. When you first met him, it wasn’t lost on you how he flirted with everyone and everything that would let him. You knew he had history, which you’d later on find out was not history, but more of an ongoing thing, with the people in his inner circle.

You felt stupid for staying in that relationship for that long. You knew what he was doing and what he was saying wasn’t okay, but you had been stuck in the cycle for so long that you were convinced that nobody else would put up with you the way he does. That was until you accepted a job as a Business Relations Assistant at AFC Richmond.

It was weird at first to be surrounded by strangers who cared more about your well-being than your partner of a year and a half did. Since Higgins introduced you to the crew, you received “How ya doing, Y/N?” in passing from Sam, hugs as a form of good morning from Dani, and the occasional grunt– complimentary, not derogatory– from Coach Kent. It was simple, little things, but these moments of care and acknowledgment came without an expectation of something in return. They simply wanted to make you feel welcome.

Your love life before dating Jamie was a mystery to the team, Jamie included. They didn’t even know that you were dating someone for so long until Keeley came into the locker room to tell the boys to be extra kind to you since you were going through a breakup. Shaking off their initial shock, the team agreed to shower you with love when they saw you after Isaac gave them an aggressive in tone, yet filled with flowery words about how you were a great addition to the team, pep talk.

By this point, you and Jamie had built a solid rapport, somewhere between acquaintances and friends. You were courteous when you’d run into each other at Nelson Road, even walking side by side until your paths diverged, often talking about the lovely, or horrific, weather you were having. During bus rides to games, he would sit on the window seat beside Sam, in front of you, and would always ask you to be the tie-breaker for one of his many ridiculous polls. You’d always end up siding with him, not because you agreed, but because Jamie grins up at you like he just won the lottery. Even though you didn’t agree that burgers were better than pizza, you’d say they were just to be on the receiving end of one of Jamie Tartt’s award-winning smiles again.

It took you a while to open up to people again. Your life revolved around your partner and that meant that many of the friendships you had faded in the background while you were with him. But after the breakup, Keeley and Rebecca played a huge role in helping you step out of your comfort zone. They listened to you talk about your relationship as often as you wanted until you were out of words and out of cares. These talks would happen over a glass (or ten) of wine in Keeley’s living room with some sappy romantic comedy playing on mute in the background. For the most part, you had forgotten about your ex. Soon enough, you were saying yes to invites from Isaac or the coaches for team outings.

That’s how you found yourself kissing Jamie Tartt on your front porch after a night at Ola’s.

When you pulled away, a goofy smile plastered on your face, you saw Jamie’s flushed cheeks that he tried to hide by pretending to cough into his elbow. You shoved his shoulder playfully, unsure if this was just a cruel dream that you’d have to wake up from soon or if this was real life.

Jamie, who seemed to be thinking the same thing, realized that this was real life when your hand met his shoulder. Feeling more confident, he placed his hands on your hips and pulled you closer once more. He whispered against your lips, “Been wantin’ to do that for a while.”

“Yeah?” You asked in shock. You would’ve never guessed that Jamie liked you in that way. “I never noticed.”

“Sam was right,” he chuckled, shaking his head that he was bringing up his teammates while he was inches away from a pretty girl’s face, but he knew he had to tell you this so you knew how serious he was about you. You weren’t just a one-night stand and this wasn't an "I had too many drinks tonight," mistake. “I’ve been flirting with you for ages. Sam said that you were oblivious to it but for a while, I really thought you just didn’t fancy me back. I’m really glad that I was wrong.”

“I had no idea you liked me.”

“Are you joking?” he scoffed, grinning widely. It was the same smile he shared with you on many bus rides. “Why do you think I always ask those stupid questions on the bus? I couldn’t give two shits about whether or not the team preferred Chinese or Italian food, or if they put both socks on first and then their shoes, or one sock and one shoe at a time. I only made those up so I had an excuse to talk to ya. Have a whole notes app full of questions and everything.”

You threw your head back laughing, imagining Jamie deleting questions that he already asked you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, “You could’ve just talked to me, you know.”

“Yeah, but you make me nervous,” he blushed, the tips of his ears turning bright pink. “You’re really pretty and proper fit. Plus, you never call me stupid even when my questions are fucking dumb. You’re always so nice to me and you’re loads of fun.”

You cocked an eyebrow, trying to make sense of the situation. Jamie Tartt was nervous to talk to you? “Jamie, you do realize you’re a world-class footballer, right? Like rich and famous and can get anyone you want?”

“That don’t matter to me,” he said, shrugging. “Want you, that’s all.”

It was a strange feeling to hear that from him. You haven’t been wanted in a long time, at least not like this, not in the way that Jamie was looking at you like you are somehow the most incredible thing he’d ever have the privilege of getting to see. He looked at you like he was thanking whatever deities were responsible for reincarnation for allowing him to experience you in this lifetime. If the next fifty lifetimes were filled with nothing but suffering for him then so be it, as long as he had you in this one. You haven’t been wanted this purely before– wanted for who you are and not for what you can offer, not for the potential of what you could be.

You kissed him again.

Six months after your first kiss, you and Jamie were going strong. So far the relationship has been a secret to the public and the media. The team, though, found out a month into your relationship when Jamie got injured during training and you ran out of your office onto the pitch, ignoring Beard’s confused remarks as you sped past him.

Jamie was lying on the pitch, forearms covering his eyes, trying not to think about the shooting pain from his ankle. You shoved Jan Maas and Richard away from Jamie, which made them protest, but quickly understood why you were in such a hurry to get to Jamie. You kneeled beside him, running your fingers through his hair.

“Hi, baby,” you whispered, “You doing okay? How bad does it hurt?”

He moved his arms at the sound of your voice. His eyes met yours and he immediately reached for your hand, threading your fingers together. “‘M okay, I think. Ankle hurts like a bitch, though.”

You continued to tend to him as much as you could but quickly remembered that you two weren’t alone. Your eyes widened as you began to look around the circle that was forming around you and Jamie.

“Fuuuuuuccckkkkk,” Jamie mumbled, realizing that you two now revealed your relationship to the team. He looked at you apologetically, “Sorry, bub.”

“Oi, Bumbercatch!” The team’s attention shifted over to Isaac who had a smirk on his face. He held out his open palm, “You owe me ten pounds.”

The team erupted in cheers, almost forgetting that Jamie was indeed hurt and would probably have to sit out a game or two. You looked down at Jamie and shrugged your shoulders, “Seems like they’re taking it well.”

He laughed, propping himself up to sit up, “I’m glad we told them.”

“Me too,” you replied, pressing your lips together.

“I’m going to fucking gouge my eyes out.” You heard Roy say, though there was a hint of a smile in his voice. In sync, you and Jamie held up your middle finger in Roy’s direction, which earned the both of you a signature Roy Kent grunt in return.

Much like your reveal to the team, your reveal to the general public was also just an accident. You were spending the weekend at Jamie’s flat as part of your six-month anniversary celebration. You just pulled up to his place, using one hand to unlock his door with the key he had made for you, and the other hand was used to carry in your large duffle bag. You heard him speaking in his living room and assumed that he was on a call with one of the lads.

“Baby, I’m here!” You called out loudly, hanging your coat on his coat rack by the door. You walked toward his living room to find him staring at you wide-eyed, jaw hanging low. You giggled, “What’s wrong, love?”

“I’m on Instagram live.”

“Oh shit,” You mirrored his expression, facepalming. “I’m so sorry.”

On Jamie’s screen, hundreds of comments about the interaction began to pop up.

Holy shit???? Who was that?!!!

Jamie has a girlfriend!!!!! NOOOO THAT SHOULD BE ME!!!!

Does that voice sound familiar to u guys? I think that’s Y/N, I recognize her voice from Keeley’s stories.

Jamie looked at you, trying to figure out what the best course of action was. You tilted your head as if asking, “Should we just do it?” He nodded, a huge smile taking over his features.

“Well,” he began. “Cat’s out of the bag, I suppose. Get in here, love.”

You spent the next thirty minutes answering questions from his fans on Instagram live. Some of the team even joined for a few minutes to fangirl over your relationship in the comments which made the two of you laugh. The next day, Jamie decided that it was time to make your relationship Instagram official by posting a photo from your anniversary dinner. It was a picture that cut off right above your lips, still giving a hint of anonymity, although many people already knew. You had your glass of wine in a cheers motion with his own. The caption read: “just us two. happy six.”

The picture got more than two million likes in the first hour and hundreds of comments speculating who the girl in the picture was. You decided to comment on the post the day after, hoping that most of the hype around it was calming down. You rolled over Jamie’s side of the bed, smiling softly as he slept peacefully.

You commented, “just us two (and the entire afc richmond team, including the coaches and admin) (so really just us two and fifty people). love you beyond words.”

You stayed in your little bubble of love for the rest of the weekend. After your social media launch, you stayed off the internet until you got back to work on Monday. When you finally checked social media, you were surprised to find that most of the public’s opinion of your and Jamie’s relationship was positive. However, there was one tweet that caught your eye.

“Y/N Y/L/N is strong tbh. If my partner had the history of Jamie Tartt, I’d sleep with one eye open to keep an eye on him.”

You frowned. You knew Jamie wasn’t like that. He would never do that to you, at least not now. He talked to you about how he used to be before you met him. He talked about how shit of a boyfriend he was to Keeley, how he was too much of a prick to be friends with the lads, but he also talked about how he grew from that and how he was no longer that person. And you believed him. It’s Jamie, of course, you believed him.

But that didn’t stop those voices in your head from taking over. Voices that sounded an awful lot like your ex’s friends who made those sly remarks. Voices that told you that you were replaceable. Voices that told you Jamie could do better, that Jamie should have better. Voices that drowned out the loving words of your boyfriend who loved you so much it hurt.

The distance started out subtle. It started with telling Jamie that you had to get to Richmond earlier than normal because you had expenditure reports to look over. He even suggested that he'd go to Nelson Road extra early for you, but you refused. He pouted but reluctantly agreed to let you drive yourself to work instead of him picking you up. Jamie was upset that he no longer got to spend his mornings with you, but he was understanding and knew that it was for your job.

Then, you started cutting your kisses short. During date nights, which used to be filled with lingering kisses that were surely too heated to be deemed acceptable PDA, you started to give Jamie quick pecks on the lips before pulling away. He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable so he let it go and settled for the short kisses, even though it didn’t feel enough for him. Typically, you’d spend the night at his place after your dates, but recently you’ve been asking him to take you home, blaming the expenditure reports once more. Jamie, trying to be ever-so-understanding, drove you home, and slept in his own bed alone with a frown on his face.

The final blow for Jamie was when you didn’t sit next to him on the bus to Tottenham. He sat patiently on the aisle seat, craning his neck up to see when you were coming in, as he knew you preferred the window seat. His eyes lit up when you entered the bus, smiling widely as you approached him.

You refused to look him in the eye as you pointed toward the back of the bus, “Sorry, Jamie. Rebecca wants to talk about something so I think I’m gonna sit with her today.”

“Oh,” he cleared his throat, trying not to show his disappointment. He didn’t want to force you to sit next to him. Of course, you were allowed to sit with Rebecca. It’s just that he missed you so much. He hasn’t seen you in a few days. You’ve barely replied to his texts. He felt like you were slipping away and he didn’t know what to do. “Yeah, yeah, ‘course. I’ll see you at the hotel, yeah?”

You nodded, offering him a small smile. He smiled back sadly. When you walked away to sit in the back of the bus, Sam nudged him, asking him to scoot over so he could sit next to him. Jamie felt nauseous, and he blamed it on the fact that he hadn’t sat by the window in months, but he knew the real reason why.

Throughout the entire bus ride, you kept sneaking glances at Jamie. You couldn’t see him too well being so far back in the bus. Rebecca, who was shocked to see you beside her instead of your boyfriend, was looking at you with a questioning expression. She closed the notebook she was writing in and crossed her arms.

“Alright, spill,” she tutted, leaning back in her chair. “Why aren’t you sitting with Jamie? What has he done?”

You shook your head, “Nothing. He hasn’t done anything.”

“Then why do you look like the living sunlight was sucked right out of you?” You didn’t say anything. Rebecca sighed, rubbing your back comfortingly, “Whatever is happening. You need to talk to him about it. Nothing good is going to come out of you keeping things from him. Trust me.”

You knew what Rebecca was saying was reasonable. It makes sense to talk to Jamie about things that were bothering you. The thing was, you had already convinced yourself that Jamie would be better off with anyone else but you. It’s not that you thought Jamie would ever cheat on you or compare you to his exes because that’s not Jamie. You knew this. But you couldn’t help but think about Jamie realizing he deserved better than you.

It will only make things easier on you if you mentally prepare yourself for it. It was inevitable. After all, you were replaceable.

By the time you arrived in Tottenham, you were feeling more anxious than ever. You knew you were sharing a room with Jamie as it became an unspoken rule since you first told the team about your relationship. You watched as Jamie exited the bus, trailing behind to create as much space between the two of you as possible. After Higgins distributed the keys, you took a deep breath and headed to the lifts.

Jamie had gone ahead with Sam and Dani since you were standing to the side with Rebecca. In the elevator, Rebecca squeezed your hand in support and offered a kiss on your temple. When you arrived on the 10th floor, you waved goodbye to Rebecca and made your way to the room.

Jamie was quietly unpacking his things when you walked in. He turned around, eyebrows furrowed and a frown tugging on the corners of his lips. You wanted to walk over and kiss the creases on his forehead away. He cleared his throat, “I can take the couch if ya want so you can have the bed. I know you’ve been working hard on those reports so you deserve a good night’s sleep.”

“It’s alright, Jamie. I can take the couch. You have a game tomorrow that you need to be well-rested for.”

“No, it’s fine,” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He sounded defeated. “‘M not letting you sleep on the couch. You can take the bed and I can just stay with Isaac or Richard or something.”

“No, Jamie, this is your room.” You said, standing your ground.

“No it’s not!” He exclaimed, finally reaching his wit’s end. He stared at you, a look of frustration and brokenness evident on his face. He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to stop the tears from breaking free. “It’s our room! And I just... I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong. What have I done wrong?”

You took two hesitant strides towards him. Jamie looked at you, hopeful that you’ll touch him again, this time without him making the first move. He missed feeling you draw sweet nothings on his skin with your fingers. Or the feeling of your lips on his jaw as you try to wake him up in the morning. Or the feeling of your arms wrapped around him in a warm embrace.

You stopped short in front of him. His heart dropped. “You haven’t done anything, Jamie.”

“So why do you keep pulling away? I feel like I haven’t talked to you in ages. Like a proper conversation. I haven’t kissed ya in days and it’s killing me. I feel like I’m losing you.”

It was then, with Jamie staring at you with pleading eyes, that you realized how stupid you were being. You ran to him, broken sobs escaping your body, as he stumbled back, unsure of what was happening. Jamie engulfed you in his arms, kissing your head as he tried to console you. You spoke into his chest, feeling the rapid beating of his heart, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Jamie.”

“Hey,” he cooed, pulling you away. He led you to the bed to sit you down. You sat criss-crossed on the bed, wiping your tears with the back of your hand. You didn’t even want to imagine how much of a mess you must look like right now. He reached over to place a hand on your thigh, rubbing circles to help you calm down. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on, hm? What’s the matter?”

“I’ve been such a dick to you,” you confessed, sniffling silently. You placed a hand on top of his, giving it a light squeeze, “I’ve been avoiding you.”

“Yeah, I gathered that,” he tried to joke, offering you one of those award-winning smiles you were a goner for. “But what I don’t know is why. Talk to me, please.”

“D’ya remember when Keeley told you guys to be extra nice to me because I’d just broken up with someone?”

Confused, Jamie nodded his head. “Yeah?”

“Well, there are things I want to say to you, but I don’t really like talking about it. Took me ages to even open up to Keeley and Rebecca about how bad it was,” you trailed off, looking away. You suddenly felt so small under Jamie’s gaze, like you were unscrewing the top of your head to give him a full view of all the fucked up things in there. You felt so exposed, but you knew you couldn’t keep this from him anymore. It was affecting him now, too. “My ex, he used to do this thing that kind of fucked me up really bad. He used to compare me to his ex-girlfriends and it made me feel like shit. His friends used to make these jokes about how he was a playboy and would probably get tired of me soon or would make condescending comments about me staying with him because they knew nobody could really tie him down. Like I was stupid for being with him or something.”

Jamie frowned, internalizing your words. He looked down on his lap, lip quivering, “You think I’m like that? Like I’m just playin’ with ya?”

Your eyes widened. You quickly shook your head, “No, not at all! I just… I was with him for over a year and when you hear those things said about you enough times, you start believing them. I got in my head thinking that you could and should do better than me and it made me pull away from you.”

Jamie remained quiet, but the expression on his face changed to a more neutral one. You continued, “I figured it would be easier for you to come to the conclusion that you deserve more than me if I gave you the space, you know? I was trying to help you realize that I’m replaceable, but it backfired on me because now you think you did something wrong– which you absolutely haven’t.”

He sat there, not saying a word, trying to comprehend what you just told him. He blinked, “Babe, that’s absolutely mad.”

You couldn’t help but let a laugh escape your lips as a teasing smile made its way to Jamie’s face. He followed suit before wrapping his arms around you and pulling you down to lie on the bed with him. He rolled the both of you over so he was hovering on top of you. Jamie nudged your nose with his, “Don’t get me wrong, your feelings are valid. I would kill that prick and his twat friends if you let me, but love, you are everything I’ve ever wanted. You are not replaceable to me.”

“It’s just hard to hear you when there’s so much nonsense noise in my head, you know?” you whispered, holding his face in the palm of your hand. “Sometimes those pesky voices are just so loud.”

“Well,” he got up off of you and propped himself next to you. He gave you a cheeky smirk before leaning back. Then in the loudest voice he could manage, he yelled, “I love you! I love you! I love you, Y/N Y/L/N! There is nobody else for me. I love yo-”

Fearing that he wouldn’t stop anytime soon, you covered his mouth with your hand, laughing loudly at how ridiculous the whole situation was. Jamie’s eyes twinkled with something you’d missed over the last few days and the sound of his muffled chuckles was like music to your ears. You removed your hand from his mouth.

“Loud enough, do ya reckon?” he joked. Then, he looked at you seriously. He inched closer to you, sighing in relief when you didn’t pull away. “But seriously, love. Whenever those voices come creepin’ back in, just let me know, yeah? Talk to me. I don’t think I can handle another day like that again. It was my own personal hell, to be honest.”

You wiped the tears from your eyes and nodded. You placed your lips on Jamie’s, allowing your kiss to last as long as possible before you had to pull away for air. You snuggled against him, basking in the scent of his cologne. “I promise I will, Jamie. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

#ted lasso #ted lasso fics #ted lasso imagines #ted lasso imagine #ted lasso oneshot #jamie tartt #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt fanfic #jamie tartt x yn #jamie tartt oneshot #frances writes #frances song fics

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strrwbrrryjam · 2 months

Text

either treat abigail, molly, mary, with respect or die looking down the barrel of my gun

i'm being one hundred percent serious when i say i'm tired of people disregarding and disrespecting them to uplift their queer ships. it's bad and it needs to stop.

like i just read a jovier post where they have john cheat on abigail?what the fuck man.

his love for her is unwavering and he is incredibly committed to abigail, he's so devoted to her, working so hard to create a life for the three of them. john is willing to lay down his life to protect his family, and he does so, rescuing them is his whole motive for seeking redemption in the first game. he would never disrespect abigail like that, he's learned and grown, he's no longer the shithead deadbeat dad when jack was young, he loves her.

arthur still so clearly loves mary, his love remaining steadfast and unwavering even years after their broken engagement, it's so obvious on his face when he looks at her. his heart still yearns for her that when she calls, he comes, even if he's a little miffed at the start, he still goes. honestly, i believe if arthur didn't have other commitments in the gang, he would have run away with her when she asked him.

and while molly and dutch's relationship is tumultuous and dutch absolutely does not deserve her, molly is so important to dutch's character and the story as a whole. molly's loyalty to dutch highlights dutch's charisma and the ways dutch inspires loyalty throughout the gang. her existence also depicts the internal conflicts dutch has and the moral uncertainty of dutch's actions. her presence within the gang and relationship with dutch represents the internal strife and conflicts within the gang, highlighting the human cost of their choices and the sacrifices that are made in pursuit of a false freedom in the old west.

and let's not even mention the treatment eliza, annabelle, bessie and even susan receive, which is hardly any mention at all.

eliza, annabelle and bessie each play small but significant parts to not just their respective partners, but to the story as a whole.

eliza shapes arthu’rs past and motivations. her tragic death, along with their son, isaac, has a large impact on arthur and his present relationships, such as abigail and jack. their memory serves as a driving force of arthurs path to redemption.

annabelles fate fuels dutch's vendetta against colm and the o'driscolls, and adds personal stakes to the gang as a reminder of the consequences of their life as an outlaw.

and bessie, oh bessie, not only does she add depth to hosea and represents hosea's wishes for a more peaceful life, but hosea loves her so much that when coming to terms with his inevitable death, whether by gunshot or sickness, the mere chance of reuniting with bessie brings him so much comfort, despite the fact that he fears that bessie lives above, while hosea will be traveling down below.

susan is a very controversial character due to her treatment of the women in the gang and her murdering molly, who did not betray the gang, both of which i do not condone, but it is impossible to deny her importance to the story. not only was, from what we know, dutch's first woman, coming before annabelle and molly, she also served an important role in the gang, acting as an authority figure, maintaining order and discipline within the gang where tensions often rise. she serves as an emotional anchor, which is incredibly important when death is constantly looming over you and adds so much depth and complexity to the story of rdr2.

when you ignore and disregard these characters you are undermining the depth and the richness of the story, each of these characters are important to the story. if you wish to truly appreciate the storytelling of rdr2, it is important to recognize and respect each of these characters.

#i know i've said this before. several times in fact but this keeps happening and people are not learning #listen i love charthur so so much. i have written multiple posts about my love for charthur.#i have studied every interaction every compliment every argument and yet. and yet. i still respect mary because i know how important she is #to not just arthur but to the story of rdr2 itself. representing hope and redemption and personal growth #im not as big as a vandermatthews fan. like i ship it sure - but god please learn to respect molly annabelle and bessie. especially bessie #the characters importance does not disappear because you want them too #respect them like you would any male character #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 abigail roberts #abigail roberts #rdr2 molly o'shea #molly o'shea #rdr2 mary gillis #mary gillis #rdr2 susan grimshaw #susan grimshaw #rdr2 bessie matthews #bessie matthews #rdr2 annabelle #rdr2 eliza #rdr2 isaac #rdr2 hosea matthews #hosea matthews #rdr2 dutch van der linde #dutch van der linde #rdr2 arthur morgan #arthur morgan #rdr2 john marston #john marston

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its-time-to-write · 1 year

Note

Hi,

Just discovered your page and I am obsessed! I was wondering if you could do something about Jamie getting hurt and the reader meeting him in the treatment room and comforting him? Or something along those lines, I trust you!

Thanks!

Dang, you’re putting my angst skills to the test! I wrote this instead of doing homework. Probs won’t post again till the weekend, but who knows? Not me, that’s for sure. Thanks for requesting!

feeling fragile, can’t you tell

Football matches are always tense. It’s all about squeezing Keeley’s hand when Richmond gets the ball, booing when they miss and screaming when they score. You never know how they’re going to end until they’re done, and god it kills you. Especially when Jamie has the ball. You feel like you can’t breathe until you see it swoosh into the net, after which your chest loosens up.

You love it. Mostly.

The part you don’t love is the part that results in the medics being called onto the field. Some injuries are accidental, some are on purpose. You hate those. You’ve watched more players kick, shove, and punch each other than you would care to count. Your least favorite injury so far was when a burly player broke Sam’s foot “on accident.” You thought Roy and Isaac were going to commit murder.

Jamie told you the next morning that the whole team egged the man’s house that night. That’s why he had been late coming over. He wouldn’t tell you who’s idea it was, but you have a vague recollection of Jamie telling childhood stories about egging houses with his friends.

Injuries are truly awful.

Which is why you’re standing stock-still in the owner’s box, clutching Keeley’s arm and willing Jamie to get up.

He’d done this thing where he kicked the ball away from the opposing team, but landed on his back funny. Rebecca whispers, “Oh god, it’s Roy all over again,” and you remember being told about Roy’s injury. The one that took him out of the game for good.

Jamie’s only twenty-five, you reason to yourself, he has to be ok.

He still hasn’t gotten up. The medical team are rushing onto the field, and you’re pushing past Rebecca, running downstairs to go find him.

Keeley is hot on your heels, running as best she can in her heels which, honestly, is actually pretty good.

You’re not quite sure where you’re going, feeling blinded by worry. Keeley grabs your arm and tugs you toward the treatment room.

You burst through the doors right behind Keeley, who has almost run smack into Roy. He looks grim, more grim than usual.

“What’s wrong with him?” you whisper, mindful of the atmosphere in the treatment room. Jamie is on a table on his back, face white.

“Passed out,” Roy responds gruffly. “Fucked his leg and back pretty bad, but doesn’t explain why he’s fucking unconscious.”

Tears are beginning to form, and Keeley wraps her arms around your waist.

You move out of the doorway so the medics can pick up Jamie in a stretcher and move him to the ambulance.

You get a closer look at him as he passes by, features slack.

You feel like you’re choking.

—

The ride to the hospital is a blur. You’re not even sure how you ended up in Roy’s car, but you’re there, sitting in the back seat with Keeley’s comforting presence the only thing keeping you loosely tethered to reality.

Your mind is running through every possible scenario as to why he passed out. None of them are good. He’s messed up his back and leg before, but never to this point. And his face.

You can’t stop thinking about his face.

To be honest, he looked dead.

Panic starts to hit again, and it takes every ounce of control you have to force yourself to breathe.

—

You’re outside Jamie’s hospital room now. His doctor said he pulled some muscles, and passed out from a combination of too little water, food, and sleep. The pain must have been enough to trigger his body into finally catching up with itself.

You sigh, and push open the door, Roy and Keeley promising to wait for you outside.

Jamie is propped up in the bed, IVs in his arms for hydration.

At the sight of you, he says a soft, “hey, babe.”

He’s still so pale, and the tears you’d been holding in start streaming out.

“What happened, Jamie?” you ask, sitting on the chair next to his bed. You take his hand in yours. “How did I not know you weren’t eating?”

Jamie’s quiet for a moment, and you can see a glimmer of a tear in his left eye.

“I dunno,” he replies softly.

He doesn’t say anything after that, so you’re just left sitting there, hand-in-hand, in silence. He’s staring at the end of his bed, you’re staring at his face.

When it becomes clear he has no intention of speaking up you say, “Jamie.”

He turns to you, eyes hollow. “Saw me dad last week.”

You blink.

Oh.

“Oh,” you say out loud.

Jamie is silent for a beat, then says, “Didn’t tell ya because I didn’t want you to worry. He’s a piece of shit and my fuckin problem, not yours.”

You shake your head and bring his hand up to your lips. “Jaim. I’m so sorry. I am so, so sorry,” because you know exactly what he’s saying.

You had assumed you hadn’t seen Jamie due to all his extra training.

You had assumed that he was taking care of himself in preparation for the game, like he always did.

You had assumed too much, because his dad was an unknown variable that threw a wrench in every place he found himself in.

The last time his dad had shown up, Jamie had tried to stop eating. You say tried because you basically force-fed him after the first day. He also couldn’t sleep. You could feel him tossing and turning, getting up to pace around, just restless. You’d rub his shoulders, hold him close, but nothing worked. He didn’t sleep well for two weeks when he was finally so tired that his body pretty much just shut down.

So. His passing out makes sense now.

Jamie is gripping your hand, knuckles white, tears beginning to roll down his face. His face, which he is trying to keep stoic, and is beginning to return to its normal color.

“Jamie,” you say. “Jamie, you don’t have to keep all this in.”

He shrugs.

“No, I’m serious,” you continue, “You shouldn’t keep this all in. We’re a team, you know? We’re supposed to share this kind of thing with each other, and if you think I don’t want to hear it or can’t handle it, then that’s a problem.”

Jamie whips his head around from his blank stare at the wall to your face. He whispers, “Are we breaking up?” fear evident in his expression.

“No,” you reply. “No. We’re just- we’re just figuring it out. I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep things from me.”

You’re beginning to lose feeling in your hand. Jamie is looking somewhat relieved, but still not great.

“How long are you in here?” you ask.

“Doctor wants to keep me overnight. Make sure I’m hydrated or some shit.”

You hesitate. “Do you- do you want me to stay with you? I don’t have to, if you want to be alone I can just-”

“Yes.”

Jamie’s color is really coming back now, and he looks like someone’s removed a huge weight from his chest. “Yes, I would really fucking like it if you stayed. I can move over so you don’t have to sleep on that fucking shitty plastic couch.”

You crack a smile at that as he gingerly scoots over. You climb into the bed, mindful of his leg and the IVs. He throws an arm around you with less care than you think he should have, but you’re not going to worry about that right now so you just snuggle into his side. He’s warm, and you didn’t realize how cold you were until this exact moment.

There’s a knock on the door, and Keeley pokes her head in.

“Everything alright, babes?” she asks.

“All good here, Keels,” Jamie responds. You give her a small smile, which she returns.

“Alright then, Roy and I are gonna go. We’ll be back to pick you up tomorrow, yeah?” She points to you. “Text me if you need anything. Won’t be getting much sleep tonight.”

You’re not sure if she means she isn’t sleeping due to the excitement of the night or because she’s going home with Roy, but she’s gone before you can ask.

You sigh and put your head on Jamie’s shoulder.

You say, “Don’t ever fucking do that again, ok?” but it comes out as a plea, voice on the edge of breaking.

He replies, “I won’t,” in such a soft, sincere tone that you believe him.

You breath deeply for the first time that night, just glad that he’s ok and you’re together. You are a team, after all.

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt fanfiction #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt x you #jamie tartt #ted lasso

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melanieph321 · 5 months

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idea for rubencito cos i love your angst!!

y/n and ruben get into a huge fight and break up and then a few days later y/n’s friends take her out to get over him but they run into each other at a party or event etc. and they try to make each other jealous but they end up back together xx

This fic 😝😝

Ruben Dias x Reader - The Mating Game 18+

Enjoy!

"New year, new me, right?" You said cheerfully. Your friends on the other hand, did not look as convinced.

"What?"

"Is there a reason why you want to go out and party all of a sudden?" They asked. "I mean we haven't managed to get you out of bed for the last six weeks. All of a sudden you want to party?"

"But it's New Year's?" You shrugged.

"Yeah, but you've just gone through a really bad break up Y/N."

"It wasn't that bad." You said, indenial. Your friends had seen it first hand though, seen how much it sucked for you to miss something that hadn't been in your favor.

"Guys I just wanna dance. What's wrong with that?"

They shrugged. "Nothing I suppose. Just don't throw yourself at the next guy that smiles your way."

You gasped. "Are you calling me easy?"

"No, we're calling you heartbroken and vulnerable. Perhaps I should refrase myself...." Isaac said, your friend from university who had known you the longest. "Don't throw yourself at another footballer who can't commit to a healthy relationship."

"Trust me," You chuckled. "That I won't do."

"Alright then, let's party!"

Your friends let you drag them to the hottest club in town. Having dated your ex, Ruben Dias, some of his fame had rubbed off on you. Even when broken up, you would often get invited to extravagant and exclusive parties like this one. Usually you hesitated to go, since it didn't feel right going without Ruben. But tonight was New Year's Eve, you deserved to have a little fun.

"Anyone want a drink?" One of your friends asked, preparing to take your orders to the bar.

"You guys go ahead, I'm gonna stay here with Y/N."

Everyone left to get a drink at the bar, everyone except for your friend Isaac. You smiled. "You don't have to babysit me, you know? I won't run off with the next best guy."

"No, but the next best guy might wanna run off with you. Look how everyone's staring at you Y/N."

"It's the dress." You sneered. You hadn't worn it since your university days. It's promiscious design would usually draw the right amount of attention from both guy's and girls. However that was never your intention once you and Ruben started dating. Now that that disaster of a relationship was over, you felt that there was nothing wrong wearing a jaw dropping dress again.

"Y/N, guess who's at the bar?" Your friends rushed back to your table with the drinks. For some reason they all looked giddy and excited.

"Who?" You asked.

"Ruben."

"Oh."

"And his new boe. Or we suspect it's his new boe, they were quite clingy."

"Did he see you?" Isaac asked.

Your friends shook their heads. "I don't think so, why?"

Isaac turned to you, "We can leave if you want."

"No." You frowned. "I came here to dance and that's what I'm gonna to do." You stood, waving for your friends to come join you on the dance floor. They happily did. You got lost in the music. A deep trance that made you loose all sense of time and worry. Time faded and reality struck. You had to go to the bathroom. "I'll be right back." You said, giving your friends the heads up. You didn't get far however, as a big hand got a strong grip around your arm, tugging you to a corner somewhere where the music wasn't as loud.

"Ruben, what are you....?"

You knew it was him before he turned to face you. He was smiling at you, grinning smugly. "I could ask you the same thing Y/N, what are you doing here of all places?"

"I got invited." You said, tipping on your toes to match Ruben's intimidating height.

"Jack invited you?" He looked suprised. A little jealous even.

"No, his girlfriend put me on the list."

"I see."

You didn't like the flat stare that appeared on his face. Ruben did this when he didn't want you to know what he was thinking about. However, after two years together, you knew him too well.

"Just because we've broken up doesn't mean I have to break up with our mutual friends Ruben."

He frowned. "I never said that."

"No, but you were thinking it."

He did not answer but let a low chuckle give him away. Perhaps he was impressed that you could still read his mind. Like right now for instance, his eyes wandered freely, checking you out. Somthing below your chin interested in. You wondered what it might be, however, a good guess would be your tits. The cleavage of you dress did nothing to contain them.

"Who was that guy you were dancing with just now?" He asked.

You smiled, knowing that Ruben had spotted you earlier in the crowd. You had actually gotten a glimpse at him too, him and his alleged boe. A tall, blond girl. You wondered where she might have gone?

"My friends Ruben, I was dancing with my friends."

"Who, Isaac?"

"He's one of them, yes."

Ruben nodded. "I knew he always had a thing for you."

"Ruben, he's gay."

"Oh."

You rolled your yes. "Can you get out of the way now, I need to pee."

"Wait."

Again, Ruben grabbed a hold of your arm. There was no point in fighting him, his strength compared to yours was unmatched.

"What?" You said, staring blankly at those brown eyes. Eyes that you once had a privilege waking up to every morning.

"I've missed you." He said, a softened gaze.

You snorted. "I doubt that."

He grinned. "Haven't you missed me?"

You stepped up to his large frame, challenging him. "Not one bit."

"Yeah?" He raised a brow. "Prove it."

You grinned. Challenge accepted.

"Where were you?" Isaac asked, upon your return to the dance floor.

"Bathroom." You shrugged. "Come on, dance with me."

The dance floor was crowded. Your friends moved around you whilst you picked some random dude to grind your dress up against.

"Go Y/N!"

Your friends egged you on and so did other people. It drawed attention to you, allowing Ruben to find you amongst the crowd again, although you doubt that his eyes had never let you out of his sight in the first place.

You got lost in the trance, letting the random guy's hands roam freely around your body, at one point squeezing your breast. Your eyes found Ruben's. He was gritting his teeth. You smiled and continued dancing. The guy breathed down your neck, telling you how sexy and valiant you were. But you froze. The tall blonde had returned to Ruben, clinging on to his neck. He no longer paid attention to you, although he probably understood that you were looking his way. He bent down to kiss the girl, serenading her neck with kisses that would definitely leave marks visible in the morning. His hands squeeze her ass and she giggled in his ear. You however, couldn't laugh or enjoy yourself any longer.

"What's wrong baby?" The guy you were dancing with asked. "You look thristy, let me buy you a drink."

You let the man drag you to the bar. Perhaps a bad idea since your friends had been bringing drinks all night. You were quite tipsy and uneven with in your steps.

Arriving at the bar, you saw the man under bright lights for the first time. He looked much older than you and less appealing than what he had been as another pawn on the dance floor.

"So what do you do for a living sweetheart?" He asked, handing you your shot if vodka, waiting for you to down the drink before answering his question.

"I'm surviving." You said, to which the man laughed. "Aren't we all."

He fished his phone out of his pocket, regarding the time. "Tell you what, clocks about to strike midnight soon. What do you say I take you to my place and we can celebrate the new year there?"

"But my friends." You said, mind clouded with alcohol.

"I'm sure they won't miss you."

The man was already getting up and off of his seat, dragging you along with him.

"No, I don't want to leave them."

"Come on darling, you'll be better off at my place. I'll take care of you."

"No but...." The alcohol made you light on your feet, the man had managed to drag you all the way towards the exit and out of the club. You shivered as the nights cold hit you. Your coat, your wallet and all off your belongings were still inside of the club.

"I have to tell my friends where I've gone." You turned around, heading back to the club.

"Nah, darling. You're not gonna dance with me all night just to leave me with light wallet and blue balls."

He grabbed you by the waist.

You screamed.

The man pushed you ahead of him towards his car. You stumble to the ground, scarping your knees.

"Get up." He shouted. "Get the fuck up you little..." The man grunted, followed by his body falling limb to the ground.

You screamed once more.

"Y/N. You okay. Did he hurt you?"

Ruben pulled you to your feet with ease. You eyes widened in suprise at the sight of him.

"She's freezing." He said. He looked mostly concerned with the blood on your scraped knees.

"Here, I have her coat." Isaac said, handing Ruben your things. "I've been drinking. Can you take her home?"

Ruben nodded and soon he had you in the passenger seat of his car.

"You should be careful who you let buy you drinks Y/N." He said, slapping his thigh in frustration. "Haven't I told you to be careful?" He was more angry with himself for letting you slip out of his sight. Thank god for Isaac, who must have seen the man drag you with him out of the club.

"Easy for you to say." You muttered. "You don't even allow yourself to have one drink on new year's. New Year's, Ruben."

He ignored you and kept on driving. He wasn't taking you home though. He was taking you back to his apartment, your old home.

Ruben had you seated on his bathroom counter whilst he took a look at your knee, cleaning the wound.

"You bought a new tub." You said, eyeing it jealousy.

Ruben smiled. "You ordered it, remember?"

"I did?"

He nodded. "It didn't arrive until we...you know."

Made sense. Your break up with Ruben was messy. You wanted out of the situation and his home without the two of you really having a chance to talk. In a way you were afraid, afraid that he would somehow find a way to convince you to stay. Knowing Ruben, he could've definitely made it happen. You were slightly hurt by that, the fact he never even fought for you to stay.

"What are you thinking about?" He said, his eyes on your bleeding wound.

You smiled faintly. "Us and what a mess we were."

He frowned. "Not all the time."

"But most of the time."

Ruben finished putting a bandaid to your knee before meeting your eyes again. He stood close, his hands resting on your thighs. "Well, we all can't be perfect, can we?"

"Yeah but we didn't even try aiming for perfection. We were simply a mess from the beginning to the end."

"Who says that was the end?"

You sighed. "Be real Ruben. We are better off without each other than we are with each other."

"I agree to disagree."

You were suprised by how stubborn he was. Just a few hours ago Ruben had been the one kissing another girl in the club, groping her, knowing that you were watching. Then again, you had done the exact same thing to him, however your attempt to make Ruben jealous had gone very wrong.

"I don't like the games we played." You said. There had been alot of those when you were together. Alot of trying to make the other jealous. Isaac was the one to tell you that that was not a very healthy thing to do in a relationship. Especially in a relationship with someone like Ruben, who often received more attention than you. You often eneded up getting more hurt than he did, making the mating game between you slightly unfair.

"You're the only girl I want, you know that Y/N."

"Then why did you let me go?"

It had gone unnoticed, Ruben's forhead pressing against yours. Somthing generated between you, somthing know but unknown. A feeling indescribable with words.

"It was a mistake. I should have never let you walk out that door. I regret not chasing you down the street, begging you to take me back."

You chuckled. "I would've loved to see that."

Ruben raised his head and yours. "Would you?"

You frowned. "Would I have what?"

"Taken me back?" His eyes were big, glowing in the bathroom light.

"Ruben I..."

He shook his head, "Yes or no Y/N, you said no games."

"Ruben." You whispered against his skin. You were so near. Ruben had your back pressed against the mirror, your thighs slightly wrapped around his stem as you sat back on the bathroom counter.

"Yes..." You said, voice barley audible.

"Louder." He demanded.

"Yes." You said, forcing the words out. "I would've have taken you back. In a heart beat."

Ruben's forhead rubbed against yours. You were like two animals. Irrevocable mates. Weather the force of nature brought him to you, or simply the beating of your hearts, the connection was irreversible.

"Y/N." He grunted, growling slightly as your hands ran through his hair. "I love you."

You raised his chin, leaning forwards to plant a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. "I love you too."

It was all the conformation he needed. Ruben seldom made a move without your consent. Once he had it there was no stopping him, no controlling him whatsoever. His hands slipped under your dress in search of something familiar.

He found it.

You gasped. "Ruben."

"Ssshh. Relax."

The kisses remained sweet but longing. Ruben traced his lips along your jawline, your head knocking back against the bathroom mirror. His lips moved down the slope of your neck, to the hill of your collar bone.

"Please." You begged. The teasing was unbearable. Ruben's hands remained under your dress, his fingers making up for the time he had been lost without you.

"Yes, right there."

Your arms clung around his neck as his thumb began circulating the right spots. He grunted in response to your loud moans.

"Baby, right there."

He loved it when you called him that. Baby. Ruben's thumb began moving faster, with the aid from how wet you had become.

"No, no." You cried. "Don't stop, I'm so close."

Ruben chuckled, his hands withdrawing from underneath your dress. He left you cold and sticky, but only for a brief moment. In that time you noticed the bludge in his pants, his hard cock revealing itself as he took it of his pants. It was dripping with cum.

You smiled. "If you want me, take me. I'm all yours."

It's what he had been waiting for, your consent to destroy you. Your back slammed against the mirror, rattling the frame. Ruben however, used his hands to tugg your hips forwards so that your legs dangled over the bathroom counter. He closed the gap between you. His hand was brought down to push your panties to the side. You sighed against his neck, a smooth shiver running down your spine as Ruben pushed in deep, his cock pulsating against your walls. He fucked you slow, forcing you to be aware of him and how well you fit together. His hands framed your face, his fingertips caressing your skin.

"You're so beautiful Y/N, so fucking beautiful."

The mirror shook behind you as the movment of Ruben's hips knocked your ass flat against the frame. He was merciless, yet cautious. He had never fucked you this slow before.

"What is it. Don't you like what I'm doing to you baby?"

His pace was uneven, like waves crashing against the rocks of an ocean cliff.

"Please." You said, your voice weak and distracted by how good it felt. "Please don't stop."

He smiled against your lips, finally upping the pace. The mirror rattled behind you, matching his aggressiveness. Ruben had no fear of breaking it and so he kept fucking you until your head fell back with the pleasure, until your finger tips clawed down the side of his back muscles, until the words coming out of your mouth sounded more animalistic than human. He fucked you until your bodies began to tremble. Ruben rested his palm flat against the mirror as on last thrust had him slumped down against your body.

"Fuck Y/N, you take me so well."

He was still inside you, not yet going soft. It was the leverage you needed to come down from the high yourself. You hid your face in the crook of his neck, the groans of your orgasm hidden and stored away in a safe place.

Ruben brought himself out of you, tilting your head back with his hands. He looked back at you smug, quite impressed with you for smirking after enduring what he just did to you.

"You're right." He said. "We are a mess."

You tilted your head, kissing his lips. "Happy new year Ruben." It was faint, but the sounds of fireworks could be heard outside. The sounds of a new beginning.

"Happy new year baby."

#fanfiction #football imagine #ruben dias #man city #manchester city #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias imagine #footballer imagine #footballer x reader #football angst

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autumnmobile12 · 2 years

Photo

Where his vampire lineage is concerned, I feel like Alucard led a pretty sheltered life before Lisa died. He certainly knows how to use his vampire abilities, but I don’t think he knows very much about his father’s people.

When Sumi and Taka mention Cho, Alucard apparently did not recognize her even though he and Sypha are the ones who killed her. So he never met Cho, even though she was one of Dracula’s generals. Sure, this can probably be explained by distance. Wallachia and Japan are thousands of miles away from each other, but this still doesn’t explain why Alucard didn’t even know/recognize her name.

Also, in Season 2, he never once tells Sypha or Trevor anything about the vampires who fight for his father, which would have been extremely useful information.

Based on all of this, Dracula probably never told him anything about his Generals.

Isaac straight up refers to Alucard as a spoiled child and doesn’t even regard him as a threat. There’s a history here we didn’t get to see, but clearly Isaac didn’t think too much of him.

Then there’s this scene. He’s pretty bitter and hostile toward the Belmonts. But if we look at it from the context to Lament of Innocence, Alucard conveniently leaves out how Dracula orchestrated the kidnapping and murder of Leon’s fianceé. So either he doesn’t care, which is out of character, or he was never told this part of the story.

Even if we don’t take the video games into consideration though, there’s still what Dracula did to the merchants at Kronstadt. We don’t know what his issue was with them, but what is the worst a group of humans can do to seriously offend a vampire? (Lisa’s death excluded.) Did the punishment really fit the crime? Plus, this can’t be the only horrible thing the vampire has done throughout his career, and I imagine even Dracula isn’t one to sit his son down and tell him all about the lives he’s taken. This makes sense if he dedicated his final years to his human wife and his child.

I’ve mentioned in a previous post how the skull Alucard is looking at in this scene is the skull of a vampire infant, so I really think this scene is a subtle nod to ‘atrocities are committed by all sides in war.’

In Alucard’s mind, Trevor is a useless drunk, but Trevor might’ve viewed him as just a brat who only knows one side of the story and that’s the side that puts his father in a favorable light.

#castlevania netflix #castlevania #alucard castlevania #trevor belmont #character analysis #vampires #alucard childhood #castlevania dracula #dracula and lisa #sypha belnades #alucard analysis #castlevania isaac #sumi and taka #cho #japanese vampire #dracula's generals #netflix #lament of innocence #leon belmont

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dread-doctors-apologist · 1 year

Text

quarantine headcannons

- Boyd Erica and Isaac are the "time isn't real" household

- Isaac is making an omelette at 4pm and it's simultaneously Erica's brunch, Boyd's dinner and Isaac's midnight snack

- everytime they enter a room with one of the others in it they say good morning, they don't know if it's morning, they don't care, it's all perpetually morning

- Scott, Stiles, Lydia and Allison are all stuck in their three bedroom apartment,

- Scott still hasn't seen all of starwars, (he's stuck inside with Stiles, of course he's seen at least one)

- Scott and Allison have absolutely given each other COVID once or twice...

- Lydia keeps accidentally getting into arguments with strangers on the internet while trying to debunk COVID myths

- it was not long before Stiles joins in.

- they hold stupid competitions like 'how many masks can you fit on one face'

- this ended with an debate on whether bandanas can be considered masks,

- the only way to settle the argument was the call the rest of the pack,,,,,

- this then started a tradition of calling the pack over zoom once a week to play dumb games/among us competitions

- Liam keeps forgetting to take his mask off when he gets home,,,

- after about two days his roomates (Theo, Hayden, Mason and Corey) stopped telling him

- instead they'd see how long he could go without noticing, (he once left it on for four hours)

- mason gets them to play monopoly sometimes

- an abbridged list of crimes committed while playing monopoly

1. Theo blatantly stealing cash from the box (not even trying to hide it)

2. mason skipping liam's turn while Hayden or Theo distracts him

3. Corey giving rent discounts to his boyfriend

4. Corey raising rent for everyone else

5. Hayden making go to jail cards (a piece of scrap paper with the word jail written) and putting them on the top of the chance card pile.

6. Liam calling scott to ask for advice in the middle of his turn.

- they've never actually finished a game

- Erica, Boyd and Isaac all try to learn how to cook

- collectively they can cook enough to survive

- but they don't really know much more than eggs and pasta

- half the time they give up and get frozen pizza

- their apartment is only one bedroom so occasionally one of them will lock themselves in the bathroom to be alone

- problem is it's also a one bathroom apartment.

#teen wolf #teen wolf headcanons #scott mccall #isaac lahey #vernon boyd #erica reyes #mason hewitt #corey bryant #liam dunbar #lydia martin #stiles stilinski #theo raeken #allison argent #boyd x erica x isaac #liam is dating hayden and theo #corey and mason are together #and stiles scott allison and lydia some weird bestfriend/qpr/polycule thing

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lucky-bishop · 5 months

Text

WIP Tag Game!!

Thanks for the tags, @dear-massacre and @rosieposiepuddingnpie!!

I have so many WIPs. Like. Too many. Some of these will probably never end up actually getting written. BUT, alas, here we go!

Non-Teen Wolf:

Nadja Pegs Laszlo (WWDITS)

The one-brain cell polycule (WWDITS)

Guillermo Mercy Kills Nandor (WWDITS)

Gay Besties (endgame Steddie but mostly abt the Steve & Robin friendship, Stranger Things)

Teen Wolf, Not Prompts:

7 minutes in heaven (Stiles' sexy birthday celebration w/ the pack)

A Parting Gift (MCD) The nogitsune leaves a gift behind. Sterek.

Affectionate Biting - Malia's love language is Biting

Lonely Girl (MCD) - Allison's ghost haunts Lydia

Alpha Peter bitches Stiles

Shifter Royalty Stilinski Family Steter

Extra Hedonist Peter w/ Bottom Dom Stiles

S1 monster of the week crack feat. the sheriff, Scott, Stiles, and Derek

Deputy Chris Argent, endgame Chris/Sheriff

DILF Chris Argent, mostly Stargent w/ endgame Stiles/Chris/Isaac

Erica Prom Queen Murder Spree

FBI Trainee Stiles

Stiles can't suck dick but Peter uses his face in Other ways

Monsterfucker dildo where Stiles gets a monster mate

Steter monsterfucking in the woods

Peter's presumptuous when he gets with Stiles but ends up getting an actual BDSM education

Non-con mating bite, Steter

Possessive Peter Steterek! The only one of these that's currently on AO3 as Possessive Beasts!

Peter babytraps omega Stiles

Sciles makes an "if we're not married by x" pact and then commits shenanigans trying to keep each other single

Unrequited Stiles/Scott where Scott rejects Stiles

Crack shrunken Peter fic

Smart Scott 5+1

Stiles/Peter/Deucalion college fic

Stargent Painting Fic - inspired by Lorde

Dark Stargent - Chris takes Stiles as a surrogate daughter after Allison dies

Sterek (MCD) - Derek returns to find Beacon Hills, and Stiles, in shambles. He tries to save them both.

Peter finding out that Stiles doesn't trust him even though they're together, inspired by T.Swift "Hoax"

Steter "hands are meant to be held" Valentine fic

Part 3 of the Steterek feminization where Stiles tops the hell out of Derek and Peter

Stiles is horny and has access to a 3d printer (Steter getting together)

Stiles/Cora/Derek dangerous Hales make Stiles horny

My very Steter take on The Train Station

Stiles gets bit by a grindr hookup fic

Transmasc Stiles and TA Peter get together

Teen Wolf & Buffy fusion, where Stiles is a Watcher (end game Stetopher)

Untitled Sterek watersports fic

Writer in the Dark, another Lorde-inspired fic, with the Kira/Cora pairing!

Teen Wolf, Prompts:

Greenberg has an absolute glo-up and everyone Notices

Stiles and Scott go looking for trouble (feral Derek and Peter) and they find it

Co-Alphas Scott and Derek fuck

Derek is being thrown a surprise party, but doesn't like surprises, and this leads to him and Stiles boning

Derek spanks Scott and Stiles for being shitheads towards him

Peter shows off wearing panties and the whole pack takes turns taking them off of him

Fox Stiles and Scott are roommates, and they compete to respectively make Peter and Lydia loud in bed

So I guess. That's technically 45 wips which is actually insane! Especially because that doesn't count any of the ~10 events or so I will probably participate in per year!

Anyway tagging: @lavender-lotion, @beaconfeels, @like-lazarus, @thotpuppy, @midnightwinterhawk, @meggie-stardust and anyone else who would like to play along!

#tag game #wips #my life is out of control #my writing

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hoodharlow · 2 years

Text

Otra Noche en Miami

AN: guess who finally updated after a month lol

Requested? no

Warnings: SMUT (the p finally goes in the v), people talking shit and defining the relationship

Word Count : 6.6k words

Tonight was the night Miriam was going to sleep with Jack. The night Jack dropped her off from the Clippers game and they almost hooked up, she thought they were gonna have phone sex via facetime. But they didn't. Jack showed his vulnerable side and explained that as much as he wanted to have sex and all the good stuff, he wanted to take things slow with her because part of him still had to prove to her that he was worthy of her.

Miriam respected that and agreed to wait. She just didn't think that she was supposed to wait this long. The most she thought were two weeks, but over five weeks have passed. And it wasn't like there were instances that they could have had sex because there were several.

After he finished his work commitments in LA and his appearance in Las Vegas, he was free for the next few weeks. He flew Miriam out to Louisville, with the excuse that she and Daisy could spend the Fourth of July with his family and not alone in Atlanta since her family was in Europe. Jack's mom made sure that Miriam had the most relaxing time and insisted that she have her own room. Much to Jack and Miriam's dismay. Though she did enjoy the few days she spent with his family. Everyone was so welcoming and kind to her and Daisy.

Jack spent a few more days in his hometown while Miriam returned to Atlanta for work. Once he arrived in Atlanta they were practically attached to each other. When she wasn't needed on set, she'd visit Jack at the studio and drop him off some food and vice versa. Whenever Jack wasn't at the studio he was on set hanging out in Miriam's trailer. Tonight wasn't different.

She was finishing up a scene when Jack pulled up to set. He made small talk with Beto while he waited for her to come to her trailer. Half an hour later she rushed in covered in what he hoped was fake blood.

"Sorry, I know I said nine, but the scene wasn't coming out how Greta wanted." She said going straight to her changing area.

"Did it come out how she wanted?" He asked her.

"Yeah, I'm gonna quickly rinse this off and we'll be on our way." She said walking out in just her bra and panties.

Jack nodded and went back to texting Neelam. She was annoyed that he wasn't flying out with the team to Miami because he was flying out the morning of his appearance for Rolling Loud. Miriam was wrapping up filming the day before and he wanted to fly with her. To his surprise when he invited her to Miami, she had already planned to go because Alina Hunter was performing the same night he was.

Ten minutes later she came out with a towel wrapped around her body. She had forgotten her clothes. Then she went to her changing area and walked out dressed in a forest green racerback sports bra and matching biker shorts.

"Okay I'm ready." She announced.

Jack helped her carry her things to his car. With Beto tailing behind them to make sure the few paps that linger around the set don't get pictures of Jack and Miriam. One of the crew members, who was now fired, leaked a picture of Miriam and Oscar Isaac kissing, implying that they were more than co-stars but thankfully the people that saw the picture deduced it was from set because of the cameras and lighting in the background. But the paps hung around just in case.

When they reached Jack's car, Beto reminded Miriam to text him if she wasn't going back to her house. She waved him off. She thanked Jack for holding the door for her to climb in. He went around and slipped in the driver's side. She watched him start the car and tightly grip the back of her headrest as he carefully pulled out of the parking spot. Her eyes trailed down the length of the prominent vein on his forearm. She pulled out her phone and texted Claudia now getting why she said someone holding the passenger side's headrest when they went in reverse was the most attractive thing ever.

"Where do you wanna eat?" He asked as he handed her his phone to play music.

"I'm good with whatever you pick." She said, typing the artist she wanted to play.

"Chick-fil-A?" He suggested.

"I guess. I've never been." Miriam shrugged, adjusting the volume as Wisin y Yandel played.

Jack pressed the brake a little too hard, making the car dramatically halt like in the movies. He turned to her with an incredulous look.

"You're joking." He said.

"Nope." She shook her head.

"Guess it's my turn to take your virginity." He said hoping she remembered when she accidentally said she was taking his when he said he never had Roscoe's.

"You're like seven and a half years too late." She mumbled, but Jack managed to hear.

His mouth slightly agape. He quickly closed and tried to do the math in his head as he made a U-turn to get on the freeway. She was twenty-two, but born in the same year as him which meant she was technically twenty-three like him even though her birthday was in November. Twenty-three minus seven and a half was–

"I was fifteen." Miriam said, doing the math for him.

"I was gettin' there." He murmured. "Not all of us studied engineering at Berkeley like you."

"Excuse you, I studied applied mathematics with a focus on quantum mechanics." She corrected him.

"Okay nerd." He teased her.

He looked over to her and watched her text. A few seconds went by and it hit him that Miriam lost her virginity at fifteen. He knew better than to ask her considering how she mumbled her response. He didn't want to force her into talking about something that she didn't want to. He thought back to the list of people she's been with and the first name she said was someone she didn't like to talk about. If he connected the dots then that must've been the person she lost her virginity to.

"You okay? You're oddly quiet." Miriam said softly.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about the setlist for Miami." He said making a new subject for them to talk about as he entered the plaza where Chick-fil-A was.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, remembering something. "Claudia said if you could send her a rough draft of your setlist because she wants to show me some dance moves. According to her I can't shake my ass to the beat."

Jack tried to stifle his laugh with a cough, but he couldn't. He laughed out loud. Miriam was very talented and was good at almost everything tried. Except dancing. In 'In the Heights' it wasn't noticeable, but when he took her to a club in Louisville with some friends, it was very noticeable.

"You're so mean!" She gasped.

"I ain't say shit." He said defensively.

"You fucking laughed." She pouted.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "As someone who's Anglo-Saxon mixed with Anglo-Saxon, I should have known not to make fun of your inability to dance because you're 25% white."

"Apology accepted."

They reached the menu poster before the person who was standing with an iPad ready to take their order.

"Wait, let me see the menu." Miriam said, unbuckling her seat belt and draping herself over the center console.

"I told you to look up the menu." He said, pulling his arm from under her. He placed it over her body and waited for her to go over the menu.

"Why is your hand on my ass?" She asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, now you have a problem with my hand? The other night you didn't seem to mind." He quipped.

The other night, she stopped by at the studio before going to set. She had brought dinner, but the food was forgotten the second they climbed in Jack's car. They kissed and not long after, they made their way to the backseat and had a heated make out session. At some point Miriam had to take off her shorts because the denim was too thick and she liked feeling his hands on her ass.

Remembering that she rode his thigh and got fingered by him that night, she gave him a shy smile and turned back to read the menu. She leaned down a bit, spreading her legs a bit so her ass was more in the air. But the passenger seat didn't extend as far as she needed and she fell.

"You good?" He asked with an amused tone as he pulled up to the guy with the iPad.

"Yeah," she nodded, collecting herself. "I, uh, want the spicy chicken sandwich with an oreo milkshake."

They ate their food on the drive back to Miriam's place. Jack parked in the driveway and helped her get her things from the backseat. Daisy poked her head through the blinds and barked happily seeing Jack was outside.

"Do you wanna come in?" Miriam asked as she unlocked the door. "We can watch a movie or whatever."

"Yeah, I wanna say hi to my girl." He said.

He followed her inside and opened his arms so Daisy could jump on him. He cradled her like a human baby and scratched her belly. After a few minutes, the dog hopped off Jack and went inside her kennel.

"So the tv is being stupid and not connecting to any of the streaming services." Miriam said, trying to pull up Netflix. She turned to Jack. "We can go old school and connect my laptop to the tv in my room."

"Whatever works." He shrugged.

Miriam led Jack to her room and grabbed the adapter cable to connect her MacBook with the HDMI cable. With ease, Netflix loaded and pressed play on the show they were binging. She had gotten him into a telenovela about this business man that has to move back to Mexico after his grandfather passed away and is forced into the family business. She'd already seen it, but she watched it for fun. Not to mention Renata Notni and Sebastian Ruli were in it so it was meant for bisexuals like her.

"I'm gonna shower, but yeah." She mumbled.

Jack waved her off and glued his eyes to the screen. He heard the shower running louder than it should be, he turned his head and realized that Miriam hadn't shut the door. Her back was to him, giving a great view of her ass. He felt himself hardened and strain against his grey sweats. He averted his gaze back to the tv, but his eyes strayed back to Miriam. She was running her loofah over her body and Jack never felt more jealous of a ball of plastic.

After a few minutes of torture, Miriam came out of the shower. She wrapped a towel around her body and got out. Jack heard her curse and came out to her bedroom. He pretended to be focused on reading the subtitles and not at her as she squatted in front of her dresser and grabbed some clothes.

Once again Jack's eyes trailed behind her when she returned to the bathroom. She unwrapped her towel and tidied up the bathroom, putting her dirty clothes in the laundry hamper. All while still not putting on clothes. Jack closed his eyes and prayed that she put them on.

He placed one of her many pillows and placed it on top of the tent in his sweats. He clasped his hands together. He thought about the next few weeks and how he's going to be bouncing from state to state. He let sleep get the best of him and dozed off. He even managed to sleep through Miriam drying her hair with her diffuser.

When she came out, she found him asleep with his arms crossed on his chest, so she turned off the tv, waking him up.

"I was watching that." He said, stifling a yawn.

"I'm sure you were." She said, climbing into bed.

"I'm not tired." He insisted.

"Okay," she said skeptically. She attached herself to his side and rested her head on his chest. "Can I change it to something else?"

"Go 'head." He shrugged.

Not wanting to move from her comfortable spot, Miriam used her soccer skills to kick the remote over to her, but failed. She ended up knocking it down to the ground.

"Chingada madre." She muttered.

She pulled away from Jack's side and crawled to the edge of her bed. She reached down to the carpet, feeling her shirt pool around her chest, giving Jack a spectacular view of her ass. She wiggled her fingers and was able to get the remote. She triumphantly sat up.

"You fucking tease." He shook his head in disbelief.

"Me?" Miriam asked, confused. She adjusted her oversized navy blue Berkelium t-shirt over her lace panties. It was hot and there was no way she was going to wear any bottoms.

"Yes, you." He reiterated. "Fucking showing me your ass and shit. Don't get me started on the shit you pulled earlier."

"What did I do?" She tilted her head innocently.

"'What did I do?'" He scoffed. "You showered with your door open and now you're out here in a shirt and panties."

"I'm sorry it's hot and I wanted to be comfortable in my house." She retorted. "Also you should not be talking about my choice of clothes when you're in fucking grey sweats–"

Jack cut her off by cupping her cheek and brought their lips together. He smiled against her lips as his hands began to wander. He slowly pulled away, making her whine, but he quickly made it up to her by kissing her neck. Remembering that she had a week of shooting left, he pushed her down on the mattress.

"What's Ber-ke-lium?" He asked, pushing up her shirt as he kissed up her body.

"It's…" she stopped talking, basking in how his lips felt on her.

"It's what, Miriam?" Jack probed. He leaned over her and pulled the shirt off her.

"It's a radioactive metallic element that is a member of the actinide group of elements." She quickly said, taking advantage that he was taking off his clothes.

"Mhm," he nodded, hovering over her. He kissed her neck and one of his hands wandered down to the waistband of her marigold lace panties. "Tell me more."

"Jack," Miriam whined.

"What? Now you don't wanna let everyone and their grandma know you went to Berkeley?" He quipped, sliding off her panties.

"I'm about to kick you out of my house and fuck myself." She warned him.

"I was just playing." He said meekly.

He settled between her thighs and placed her thighs on his shoulders. Jack peppered kisses all over her thighs.

"But if you must know, Berkelium is named like that because they discovered-slash-created it at a lab in the city Berkeley." She quickly added.

"Mhm." He hummed, dipping his head in between her thighs.

He placed more soft kisses on the insides of her thighs. She squirmed at the feeling of his lips. They got closer and closer to where she needed him the most. She let out an inaudible gasp of pleasure when Jack licked her. She tried closing her legs, but Jack's grip on them kept her in place. He moaned at her taste and savored her, taking his time with his tongue. He pushed one of her legs to her chest, giving him better access to her as he sucked her clit.

He inserted another while he pressed his thumb on her clit. Miriam felt something build up in her. She felt pleasantly overwhelmed with Jack's fingers and tongue. Jack felt it too. He sped up his fingers and circled his thumb on her clit roughly.

"Jack!" She moaned out.

Jack lapped up her release. He dropped her legs down and laid next to her. He knew she was going to need a moment. He traced his thumb under her bottom lip. He leaned down and captured her lips. They kissed for a while with some touches here and there.

"Jack, please do something." Miriam whined. She reached for him and slowly pumped him.

"Bro give me a fucking second." He said, pushing her hand away from his cock.

"My warning still stands." She reminded him.

"You say that shit as if you weren't begging not even a minute ago." He said in a challenging tone. She crossed her arms and gave him an unamused look. He smirked and asked, "You said you were on the pill right?"

"No, I got the rod thingy in my arm." She said, lifting her arm.

"Well you're about to get another rod in your pussy." He teased her.

"When? Because at this rate, I'm not."

Jack grinned and leaned to kiss her. While they made out, he collected some of her arousal with his fingers and stroked himself. He lined himself up against her and slid into her. Miriam gasped and dug her nails in his biceps. He knew she was going to leave marks.

"You good?" He asked her.

"Yeah…it's been a while that's all." She reassured him.

Jack nodded. He did a few shallow thrusts, slowly pulling out and pushing himself back in so she could get used to the stretch. She felt so good around him. After a few minutes he picked up the pace and her moans filled the bedroom.

He tilted her head up so he could kiss her. His lips and tongue went at the pace he thrusted in and out of her. He wrapped one of her legs around him, bringing them closer as he took her. Her breath hitched at how good it felt. Jack must have noticed, and continued thrusting in that spot. The familiar feeling came over her once more. Miriam was about to come, and Jack knew it. His thrusts got more precise, hitting where she needed him.

“Come on, Miriam, let go for me.” He encouraged her. That pushed her over the edge, and she repeated Jack’s name over and over until her high faded. Jack continued thrusting in and out of her. His thrusts grew sloppy.

After a few minutes passed, he stilled, shuddering he quietly moaned out, "shit," as he came inside her. He relaxed his body plopping on top of her. Their heavy breathing filled the room as they tried to calm themselves. One of Miriam's hands instinctively went to play with his now damp curls while one of Jack's rubbed her arm as he gave her a dopey grin.

"Definitely worth the wait–"

"What were you saying about not being able to come through missionary?" He asked, cutting her off.

"I was trying to have a cute moment and your smartass had to ruin it."

"Round two?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows, completely disregarding her comment.

"Yes." She beamed.

Miriam sighed as Jack pulled out of her. He rolled on his back and picked up his shirt to help her clean herself up. She got up to pee. As she limped passed him to get to the bathroom he gave her ass a hard smack.

"Ow!" She squealed. She looked down and even in her brown skin, she could see the handprint he left her. "You left me a mark!"

"Gotta send you to Miami with a handprint on your ass cheek."

***

After his first time with Miriam, Jack quickly found out she can go multiple rounds in one session. Which was how he found himself in round two at eleven in the morning. They haven't even been in Miami for two hours. Hell they barely made it to her friend's dad's house before she was dropping to her knees to have him in her mouth.

"Oh, fuck, just like that Jack." She moaned out.

Miriam was riding him with her back to him. Her legs tucked under Jack's thighs. She leaned forward and gripped the comforter in front of her for balance as she bounced on his cock. She felt Jack sit up and press his chest on her back. One his hands wandered down to her clit, slowly drawing figure eights with his thumb while the other played with her nipples.

"Oh," she managed to murmur before her climax took over. She repeatedly chanted his name as she slowed her movements.

Once her breathing calmed down, realization hit her and she looked over her shoulder. "Jack you didn't come."

"I know." He said nonchalantly, placing his hands under his head.

"Do you want me to go down on you?" She asked, pulling his cock out of her son she could straddle him but this time with her face facing his.

"As much as I appreciate it, I'm pretty sure you emptied my supply." He said, pushing back one of her curls.

"Now I feel bad that you didn't come." She pouted.

"Don't feel bad, I just had some great sex with the greatest girl I know." He said, pulling her to his lips.

He cupped her face with one hand and slowly kissed her. He sat up, and with his free hand he circled his arm around Miriam, pulling her closer to him. He felt her hand reach for his wrist and bring his hand to her chest. They continued kissing for a while with some touches here and there.

There was a knock on the other side of the bedroom door that interrupted their makeout session.

"Yeah?" Mirima called out as she pulled away from Jack.

"G and Alina said when you're doing fucking yourselves to come eat brunch." Said one of her friends.

Jack furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head to look at Miriam. "That sounds like Zendaya."

"Because it's me." Zendaya said.

"So Zendaya heard me rearrange your guts?" He gave Miriam a pointed look.

She shook her head. "No, Zendaya heard me rearrange my own guts using your dick."

"I'm gonna go downstairs. G said she's giving y'all half an hour to come down."

They heard Zendaya's footsteps fade as she left them.

"That's our queue." Jack said, gently smacking her ass so she could climb off.

Thirty minutes later they finished getting ready. Miriam changed into a bikini with some shorts over her bottoms since her and her friends were staying later. Meanwhile Jack was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts because he had to meet with his team in an hour.

When they walked out of the room Miriam was staying in, they were met with the smell of food and loud chatter in the kitchen. Miriam cursed, she knew her friends were not going to let it go. She had assumed only Zendaya stayed because she said that Euphoria was intense for her the last few weeks while the others went to go eat, but she was wrong.

"Good morning." Her friends said in unison when she and Jack entered the kitchen.

"And from what we heard it was an extra good morning." Alina said as Claudia and Mede took some platters out to the backyard.

"You said you were going to get brunch!" Miriam said, greeting the elder Hunter sister.

"No, I said we're going to get things for brunch." Alina clarified.

"I didn't know we could bring our partners. I would've brought T." Zendaya said, opening the fridge to get a glass bottle of juice.

"We flew out together and he dropped me off." Miriam mumbled.

"Right, that's why y'all spent the whole morning in your room," the Emmy award winning actress said, exchanging a knowing look with Alina before they left for the backyard where all the food was set up.

Jack shyly scratched the back of his neck. "Well, I, uh, should get going. I'll see–"

"You're not leaving until you eat something." Gia said, flipping over a waffle into the giant platter consisting of waffles, pancakes, and french toast.

"I'm not hungry." He insisted. "There's a car coming for me in half an hour."

"Okay, then you have thirty minutes to eat." She said in a tone that Jack knew better than to not listen. She nodded her head at the tall stack of plates. "Could you be so kind and carry the plates?"

"Of course." Jack said, taking the stack.

The only thing left to take outside was the coffee and tea tray so she carried it out. While Jack went around handing the girls plates, she prepared him a green tea. He took a seat and placed his arm behind Miriam's chair.

"Here." She said, sliding him his mug of tea.

"Thanks." He said shyly.

Miriam leaned over and kissed him. She cupped his cheek and deepened the kiss.

"Is that how me and Cal are?" Claudia asked, making the pair pull away from their kiss.

"No, you two would sneak out and go fuck, ruining our meal." Mede said, taking the fork to serve herself sausage. She looked over to Miriam and said, "you want sausage or did Jack give you enough this morning?"

"The pants are kinda a moment." Miriam said, eyeing Jack's pants with his last name bedazzled in the crotch area. "They definitely grab your attention."

"Stop staring at my dick." Jack murmured, taking a seat on the couch.

They were in his trailer waiting for his queue so Miriam could go meet her friends to go see him perform. They were in Alina's trailer earlier and took a group picture with her friends. Within minutes of Zendaya posting it, it trended on Twitter. Mostly because people never expected Zendaya and Jack to ever be in the same room but also because Miriam was sitting on Jack's knee and had her arm around him.

She got up from the stool and went to sit on his lap. She wiggled a bit, adjusting her shorts. Jack gave her a pointed look and she stopped her movements. The last thing he wanted was to get bricked up before going on stage.

"So Miriam, how do you know William Hunter?" Neelam asked her.

William Hunter was Gia and Alina's dad. He was a well known manager in the industry and entrepreneur. The group was staying at his beach house since Alina was the Sunday headlining act at Rolling Loud.

"Oh, uh, I met him a few times back when my brother and Alina were in that one Disney Channel show because he was Alina's manager at the time." Miriam said a bit confused on where the question was coming from.

"So you're not close to him?" She tilted an eyebrow at her.

"I suppose we are because our families interact with each other? But I'm mostly friends with Gia and Alina since they're closer to my age. The last time I saw him was in May when I was filming in Atlanta because he was meeting with an artist. It was in passing though."

"You don't happen to know if he's signing anyone or looking to sign someone?"

"No, why would?"

"Neelam what's with the interrogation?" Jack asked her, sensing that Miriam didn't like being bombarded with questions.

"I was just making conversation." Neelam shrugged.

Chris, Jack's other manager, came in the trailer and told Jack that he should be heading out to the stage to get mic'd up. Miriam stood off to the side and watched his team do their pre-show ritual. She sent out a text to her friends that she'd be there shortly. Jack and her shared a few kisses before he left. They also agreed to meet back at his trailer so they can hang out the rest of the festival until it was time to watch Alina perform.

Miriam went in the opposite direction as Jack and his team. She was halfway to the barricade when she realized she left her bag in Jack's trailer. She turned on her heel and went back to his trailer. She quietly opened the door and went inside. She heard Jack's manager and the stylist, whose name she always forgot, talk. She was about let her presence be known when she heard

"I can't fucking stand her." She heard Neelam say, making her close her mouth and stay hidden.

"Who?" Jack's stylist asked.

"Jack's flavor of the month, Miriam. She's so high maintenance. She's coming to Chicago with us and she has her parents' jet available to take us because the princess can't sit in first class for a few hours." She said in a mocking tone.

Miriam made a face. She only offered the jet because Jack had mentioned that Neelam hadn't finalized their flight. But Chris reassured her that it wasn't necessary.

"He didn't say that." The other woman said.

"Obviously he didn't, I embellished. He's only kissing her ass because he's getting some and it looks good for social media. I wish he went for a less known girl that would be grateful that she got flown out and got a decent hotel room. I can't wait for him to drop her ass."

"I don't know, they seem like they're gonna last."

"I hope not. I don't even know how they got together. Some shit happened between them back in March and then in May they started talking again."

"What happened?"

"I have no clue, Jack nor Chris would tell me." Neelam paused for a bit. "She said that she met with Hunter back in May right around the time she started talking to Jack. What if she was sent by Hunter to try to poach Jack?"

Miriam frowned never in a million years would she ever get in the middle of Jack's career. It wasn't her place. When she ran into William it was literally in passing because she was picking up dinner from an Italian bistro and he was waiting for a client. Their talk didn't even last five minutes.

The other woman laughed lightheartedly, "Now you're overthinking and looking for excuses to not like her."

"You're right. She just doesn't seem the type for Jack to go for. Like she has decent sized boobs and an ass, but she's kinda plain and milking that she looks like her mom. Honestly, I'm surprised Jack didn't get at her sister. She's way prettier than her."

"Imagine he went for her sister but she rejected him so Jack went for her as a backup."

Both women burst into laughter. That was Miriam's cue to stop eavesdropping. She was finally at that place where comparisons between her and Katalina didn't bother her anymore and she had to overhear them laugh about the possibility of being Jack's backup. She knew she wasn't but the fact people assumed really made her feel like shit.

In addition to that, the comment about being 'Jack's flavor of the month' left a bad taste in her mouth. The way Neelam said made it seem that they were juat a fling to to Jack. But it didn't make sense to Miriam because if it was just a fling, he wouldn't be putting so much effort into it and he wouldn't have delayed them hooking up. If he just wanted to hook up he would've been upfront with her and told her what he wanted out of their situationship.

After their first time together, she didn't want to pressure Jack into a relationship nor make things awkward between them so she just let things take its course. She really liked him and knew that they were exclusive. They weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but it was obvious to her they were more than a situationship.

Knowing Neelam and Jack's stylist would walk over to where she was to get out of the trailer, she grabbed her forest green Jacquemus fanny pack that matched with the 550s Jack for her. She retreated her steps and ran into Urban. She put her finger in front of her mouth, telling him to be quiet. He closed the door and nodded at her.

"How much did you hear?" She asked him.

"What?" He asked, pulling an Airpod out of his ear.

"Nevermind, you never saw me." She said, not letting him get a word in.

Urban gave her a weird look and went inside the trailer leaving Miriam. Embarrassed, she quickly walked away and went towards Alina's trailer. She couldn't stomach seeing Jack at the moment. She had to process her emotions before talking to him.

"Hey," Alina said, peeling off her under eye masks. Realizing that Miriam was in her trailer and not in the crowd. "Isn't Jack supposed to go on right now?"

"Yeah."

"Why aren't you out there?"

"I'm not feeling it." Miriam said, toeing off her shoes and curling up on the couch.

"What's wrong?" She asked her in a soft voice.

"I'm tired." She mumbled.

"Do you wanna talk about it? I can ask my glam team to step out for a bit so we can talk about it." Alina said.

"It's fine. I'm fine. I just overheard something and it didn't sit right with me is all." She reassured her friend. "Is it okay if I nap for a bit?"

"Go for it. I'm gonna text Gia that you're with me because the girls are probably worried that you haven't shown up." Alina waved her off and pulled out her phone to text the girls.

Miriam nodded and grabbed Jack's Nahmias black and pink beach flannel shirt she stole from one of his suitcases earlier in the day. It was big enough for her to curl up and cover herself with it. She closed her eyes and let sleep consume, hoping that her nap will help her sort out her feelings.

Jack waved goodbye to the crowd and made his way backstage. He took a few pictures with some people and went straight to his trailer to look for Miriam. He spotted her friends near the front while he performed, Zendaya wasn't that hard to miss, but Miriam wasn't in the crowd with them. When he entered the trailer it was empty and there was no trace of her.

"Have you seen Miriam?" He asked Urban.

"I saw her when I came to get Neelam and Metta. She looked kinda upset." His best friend shrugged, before lighting up a blunt.

Before Jack could say anything, Neelam turned her head and in a panicked tone asked, "Did she tell you anything?"

"She said somethin' but I didn't catch it 'cause I was listening to music." He told her. He looked over to Jack. "Bro, just text her. She's probably with her friends."

"Yeah, probably."

Jack took out his phone from his backpack and saw a dm sent a few minutes ago from Claudia saying that Miriam felt sick and was napping in Alina's trailer. He replied with a quick thank you and that he was heading over to them.

"I'm going over to Alina's trailer to check on Miriam." He announced.

"Can I go?" Druski asked. "I think I can get Zendaya to dump Spidey."

"Uh," Jack looked down at his phone and read another message from Claudia stating that Miriam and Mede went back to the house. "What the fuck?"

He went to the bathroom to have more privacy. He pressed the calling option on the direct messages tab on Instagram. He didn't have any of her friends' numbers.

"Oh wow, I didn't know you could make calls on here. Hi!" Claudia answered.

"Hey," he greeted her. He waited a few seconds before asking, "What's this about Miriam going back to the house?"

"I'm not sure honestly. She woke up and said that her stomach hurt. Beto left with her. But Mede is going over to check on her since she's technically a nurse and can, you know, nurse back to health. But when Alina texted us that Miri was staying behind she said that Miri overheard someone talking shit."

Jack frowned. "Did she say who or what they said?"

"No, but I'm guessing what they said was pretty fucked up if she got so upset that she got a stomach ache."

"Alright, thanks Claudia." He said.

"You're welcome…I'm gonna hang up so you can call her or whatever. Bye."

"Bye."

He hung up and walked out of the bathroom.

"What happened?" Urban asked.

"She wasn't feeling well and went back to her friend's house. I'm thinking of heading over to check in on her.” He said in a hush tone. “I’ll meet you back in the hotel later.”

“Text me if your plans change.” his best friend said.

Jack nodded and grabbed his things. He walked his trailer with his bodyguard close behind. Inside his designated SUV he tried calling Miriam, and every time she hung up on him. Twenty minutes later they arrive at the house. He thanked the driver and made arrangements with his bodyguard to get him in two hours. He walked up to the house and knocked.

Mede opened the door. “Oh it’s you.” she said in a flattone. “She’s in the pool being melodramatic.”

She led him through the house, making a stop at the kitchen to get Miriam’s te de hierba buena for her alleged stomachache. “Miri, your man is here, so I’m gonna go and see if I can catch Megan thee Stallion. My baby daddy wants me to facetime him so he can see her.” She turned to Jack and handed her the mug. “Make sure she drinks her tea and get though her head, she’s being stupid.”

Jack awkwardly stood by the pool with the mug watching Miriam struggle to get off the flamingo floatie.

“What are you doing here?” She asked him, wrapping a towel around her body.

“Are you fucking serious? You left and didn’t tell me.” Jack scoffed.

“I’m not your responsibility.” she said in an annoyed tone.

“Don’t do this,” he said, irritated.

“Do what?”

“Close off and get pissed at me for something I have no idea what you’re talking about.” he snapped. “We were fine right before I went on stage and when I got done with my set I learned that you left–”

“I can’t be your hook up Jack.” she said, cutting him off.

“What?” he asked, confused.

“I can’t travel around with you and your team just so you can get some. I thought we were more than that and I get if you just want to hook up. But if I’m being honest I can’t just hook up with you. I understand if you want to end things. It was fun while it lasted.”

“Where did all of this come from?” he asked her. He took a seat on one of the lounge chairs and pulled her down to sit next to him.

“It doesn’t matter.” she shrugged.

“It does because I've made my intentions with you clear from the start. I never just wanted to hook up with you, Miriam. I thought we were on the same page and were going to pursue a relationship.”

“Well this is the first I’m hearing about it.” she said, crossing her arms. “And here I thought I was just your hookup of the month.”

Jack furrowed his eyebrows. "Who said that?"

"Some groupies that were with Tyler Hero.” she shrugged. If she told him that it was Neelam he would get mad her and that’s the last thing she wanted because Neelam could say that she’s lying and just wanting to get in the way of his career or something stupid.

“Well, they’re wrong, you know.”

“Are they?”

“Yeah, I want you to be my girlfriend.”

“Really?” Miriam giggled. Jack nodded. “Good because I want you to be my boyfriend.”

“I can arrange that,” he said, pulling her to his lap to kiss her.

Miriam sat back with a mischievous grin. “You know, I’ve never been fucked by the pool.”

“Well I’m not risking getting sunburnt.”

Taglist: @cherryxcreme @youngharleezyxo @deannaard @meyocoko @babyharleezy

#jack harlow smut #jack harlow angst #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow one shot #jack harlow x oc #jack harlow series #jack harlow fan fic #jack harlow oneshot #jack and miriam

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beevean · 2 months

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I keep thinking of this interpretation of N!Hector (at the bottom). How, essentially, his growth revolved around his conception of love: how he's at his core a broken, love-starved man who had to learn how to let go out of selflessness.

They make some valid points. So I want to put together why the story still wastes a very intriguing concept and its morals are still disgusting.

Let's take N!Hector purely from this angle. His sloppy writing starts to make sense. N!Hector never warms up to Carmilla, because his last memory of Carmilla is her beating him up after she revealed that her apparent respect was a lie. Dracula is on thin ice: he was the first person who was nice to him, but he lied to N!Hector about his real plans, and most importantly, got convinced that he might have died if Dracula actually succeeded. (still doesn't stop him from wanting to resurrect him)

Lenore is "nice" to him. Lenore not only praised his voice, the strength of his character, etc., but she also has shown that she wants to be with him for no ulterior reason, and that she wants to protect him from mean Carmilla.

So N!Hector is totally fine with her. It's okay that she beat him that one time, because it was his fault (granted, an abused person might think like that...). It's okay that she made a sexual game out of taking him out with a leash: that's just how vampires are, right? It's okay that she used sex and took advantage of his feelings to put a trapping ring on him: it was with good intentions. It was for his sake. It was to protect him.

So, N!Hector falls in love with Lenore because she did everything in her power to keep him in a gilded cage, including resorting to rape by deception. Abuse is love. Selfishness is love. He, too, loves like a vampire, shown by the way he surrounded himself with pets magically compelled to be loyal to him, so the two have the same love languages.

This speaks of a profoundly ill mentality, the byproduct of a lifetime of abuse. It's a delicate topic that should be treated with the utmost respect.

youtube

exhibit a: respectful writing that truly gives trauma the gravitas it deserves.

After some more bonding over how similar Lenore and N!Hector are because no one loves them and they're just victims, they're so like each other fr fr, we get to S4E6. In a way, we can see N!Hector's actions here as a mirror to what Lenore has done to him: she used treachery to turn him into a tool and so "keeping him safe", and so he used treachery to cage her and protect her from N!Isaac destroying the entire life she built with the others. This is mercy for him. This is an act of love. Protect Lenore and stay close to her, but everyone else can die, even if it hurts her. I see the intention, I really do.

But add to this the fact that N!Hector's whole plan was for the sake of resurrecting Dracula, therefore risking another mass slaughter, for no other reason than to feel better about his mistakes, and we're starting to see a problem.

We're near the end of the show, and N!Hector hasn't grown one bit. Not morally, and not emotionally. He still has no empathy. He still loves like a vampire. He still has no self-respect. He went through unimaginable torture, and he's still the "manchild" we were supposed to laugh at in S2 - except now he's marginally cooler, I guess.

(also, is it really "love" if N!Hector genuinely thought N!Isaac would kill him and he accepted it? He didn't plan to stick around, he didn't plan to "keep" Lenore with him. So the point starts to fall apart.)

But then N!Isaac makes a speech to him about agency and the will to live, and a few episodes later, N!Hector has his "magnificent" growth. His sign of maturity is letting Lenore die. Not keeping her close, despite her being the kindest person to him (although I suppose N!Isaac will quickly replace her lol). Letting this woman, both a victim and an abuser, commit suicide on her own terms, the terms he never had, is N!Hector finally learning how to love.

All very nice and wholesome. On paper.

Lenore is forcibly made to be sympathetic in S4, to the point that it becomes blatant lying. Suddenly she has no sexual interest in N!Hector anymore, after all she did to him (and very interesting, that Lenore was only aroused when he was her prisoner - now that he has more freedom and seems to like her as a person, she doesn't care anymore). Suddenly her smug demeanour has vanished, treating him with almost real respect. Suddenly there's more focus on how alone she is, and how she and N!Hector can relate to each other and only have each other in the world. It's disingenuous, and all so that I could pity her, and believe that these two would care for each other, and be touched that N!Hector's big love gesture is allowing Lenore to find freedom from her unnatural existence, while in reality I'm just frustrated that this rapist got to find freedom from the consequences of her actions - she doesn't even feel bad for what she did, "I'm sorry for everything you went through", so much for growing to love him. It's not even framed as him being free of her, but her being free of herself, fuck that guy I guess. Hell, even her phrasing implies that the main reason she sunned herself was that she wasn't willing to live in a cage, even with Hector, basically throwing a tantrum because she didn't have power anymore. I get reading between the lines and connecting that what triggered her suicide was the realization that as a vampire she's inherently doomed to go insane with craving power, but she really painted herself in the worst light.

I can't even say that the show forgot about her previous behavior: it specifically calls out to Lenore "solving Hector's problem", but makes it a joke that is quickly brushed off. We are meant to be endeared at Lenore using sex as a tool of deception. Yeah, silly Lenore, that was awkward I guess. More seriously, Lenore neither had a solid change of heart/realization that she behaved like a monster in the name of her "good intentions", nor is she tragic enough compared to her actions - at most I can understand where part of her behavior is coming from, like her being happy to show her strength by beating N!Hector into the ground, but I don't feel sorry for her. The story had the chance to emphasize her conflict with her vampiric nature, if I was really meant to pity her hopeless existence, but it doesn't take it. So I have no reason to care about her, or think she's a good person for N!Hector. The fact that she is the kindest anyone has ever been to him doesn't mean that she is kind, just that this poor man has been spit on far too much.

And maybe N!Hector really is too broken to understand that being raped is bad. Maybe his abuser choosing to waste time around him feels like a banquet for someone as love starved as he is. But is that how he ends? Still not getting it? Still not feeling anything about the way he has been treated all this life? Is he really completely not conflicted about the two-faced way Lenore treated him?

And what about his relationship with humanity? Is writing a book about his mistakes really the best he can do? N!Isaac realized off screen that he wants to change the world for the better: what is, effectively, N!Hector's change in this aspect? Sure, maybe he won't keep resurrected pets anymore, but after jotting down how much he has fucked up in life, what does he want to do? What was his journey, made of nothing but suffering and mockery and the lesson "you are stupid for trusting", for?

If I am to read N!Hector as a victim of deep abuse, so damaging that he has lost all sorts of empathy, morals and self-worth... what is, then, the story told through him? He doesn't get better. He doesn't even get worse, in the same way Isaac did, for example - I proposed an ending where he snaps and sets the castle on fire as a bookend with his abusive childhood, which would have been tragic, but ofc it didn't happen. The climax of his journey is that he holds no resentment towards a woman who was both kind and cruel to him, and simply chose to forgive all the bad that was done to him without any struggle. He accepted the crumbs and lapped the plate.

The message: forgive the people who hurt you, if they think they are only helping you - in fact, don't even think about it. Not because it's unhealthy to let yourself be consumed by resentment. Because if they hurt you for your own good, then they are good people deep down.

Steven Universe became the internet's laughing stock for far less.

(it's not even that Lenore was his mother, or his long-time wife, someone that could be genuinely hard to distance yourself from if they abuse you. They knew each other for maybe two months.)

I cannot empathize with N!Hector, and I can't even sympathize with him, because this is not a character arc, this is a slop job. I don't think Lenore is so nice because she deigns to speak to him, and I don't think her wanting to protect N!Hector can make up for her disgusting behavior in S3. I have no reason to be happy that N!Hector is "free", because he's in the same position he started from in S2: cooped up in a castle, uninterested in getting closer with humankind, alone. And I have no reason to be sad that Lenore killed herself, because the story did a poor job of convincing me that she deserved to be happy with the man she treated like a pet before her character was disingenuously defanged.

I can assure you: Ellis did not have any intention of writing a story about how abuse warps your conception of love. He just liked kicking around a ball in the shape of a character, and then gave him a rushed "good" ending (that still feels bittersweet compared to all others) because of backlash. Trying to see a coherent arc here is like trying to squint to see an image on a magic eye poster, and the effort is not worth it. N!Hector deserved better, and abuse survivors deserve to be represented by characters written with love, not spite.

#Youtube #anti netflixvania #on request of woodchipp who wanted me to publish this draft #i really really really need to put my thoughts on text #even if i feel i'm doing a poor job #and ofc the reason i'm so obsessed with this is #(aside from the fact that i like good writing)#1) the concept is good! it's really good! i love stories that explore the effects of abuse and terrible experiences #2) canon hector is also a victim of abuse. he could be written similarly. except with respect #and i need to understand how *i'd* do it to not make the same mistakes #(also yeah lenore deserved better too. as in not being created by a sexist molester)

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honeybunniii333 · 4 months

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GENO ANGST :00 ( or geno and Edward fluff, whatever you choose )

I had an idea of geno having a panic attack in class but I wanna see what you would write abt him.

(YESSS, I love them so much. It's a crime that there isn't more for them! Siblings dynamics are a soft spot for me. ♡)

To say Edward was feeling guilty would be an understatement. He had committed the awfullest of awful things. He'd made his baby brother cry, and oh boy, was it eating him alive. Sure, he teased Geno like any other older sibling, but he truly adored the little brat, and genuinely hurting his brothers' feelings was something the jock would NEVER do on purpose. He was stressed out majorly, which was NOT an excuse, but still. Everything had been so chaotic. James was acting off. He had a big test to study for, Isaac was being isaac. So many supernatural related things had been happening, and don't even get him started on Felix and his shit! Ed was beyond overstimulated at the moment. He'd snapped, and he'd shouted at the boy. Which was something Ed never did. Ed yelled a lot, but never at Geno. He prided himself on his immense patience when it came to the little rascal... but he'd broken that streak... and over the stupidest of things, Geno had just wanted to play with him...

"Geno, I don't have time..." he'd warned in a tone that usually got the message across that he was too stressed or upset to talk. But the kid had pushed further, clearly desperate for his attention. "You never have time! Come on, just a game or two! I'm bored!!" he'd complained in that whiny voice Ed usually found annoyingly endearing but at that moment had made him want to rip his hair out. Everything had made him want to rip his hair out. The sound of faint construction happening down the street and the soft whirl of his fan were too loud for him. The feeling of his shirt against his skin made him want to set himself on fire, and the room had been too bright even with just the sun from the window to light it. He just couldn't handle it right then, but words had never been his strong suit, ESPECIALLY in moments like then. "Geno..." he'd warned again. "Come on, come on, come onnnnnn-"

"STOP! GOD FUCKING STOP!" He'd slammed his hand down on his desk as he'd glared daggers at the other. "GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! WHAT PART OF THAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!? YOU ARE SUCH A PEST!" He'd shouted. Geno had looked astonished for a moment. His eyes were wide, and jaw slacked before his little mouth started to quiver, and his eyes started filling with tears. Ed had been so overwhelmed that all he'd been able to do was turn the away again in his seat, close his eyes and press his palms into them as he tried desperately to tune everything out around him. It wasn't until he'd finally managed to get his bearings that he'd really realized how harsh he'd been. And now he'd been sitting by the younger boys' door, trying to figure out how to express how bad he felt. Geno was still sniffling, and the noise wasn't helping him at all... He knew he was just stalling because he didn't want to see the red tear stained face his brother always had after crying.. but he also knew nothing would be resolved if he stayed there. So... he forced himself up and knocked as he peeked his head in. "Geno... can we talk, please?"

The kid was curled up under his blankets. The superhero patterned comforter, shielding his tiny body from the other. Ed knew the feeling of faint relief at not having to see the hurt he'd caused was selfish, but it was there regardless. "...ok.." his voice was crackly from crying, and Ed forced himself forward once again, moving to seat himself at the end of the bed to give the other space if he wanted it. He was silent for a moment before taking a deep breath in and letting it out to steel his nerves. "...I'm sorry I yelled at you." he started,"I shouldn't have done that, we don't yell at each other, and that wasn't okay."

He watched the lump of blanket shift before half of genos face peeked out. "... why did you yell at me?" He asked cautiously, he didn't understand. He pestered his big brother like that all the time, and it never triggered such a harsh reaction. At the worst, he'd be gently booted out of his room and banished to the hallway... Edward didn't know how to explain it. He didn't know why he got so overwhelmed sometimes... he just did. But he'd made a vow to himself that when his baby brother asked him a question, Ed would answer it. He wouldn't sugar coat it or dance around it. He'd always tell him the truth in as age appropriate language as possible. Because Geno was smart and he needed to know things. "...I was overwhelmed." he answered, fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he fished for words. "I've been... really stressed lately. There's a lot of stuff happening right now, and I've been pushing through it fine.. but I guess today... I just can't." he admitted running a hand through his own hair as he heard Geno shuffling again. He'd come out of his hiding spot, his knees hugged to his chest. "Is that why you're never home, cause of the stuff?" He asked.

"Yeah... cause of the stuff..." Ed mumbled back. "I'm sorry too..." Geno whispered his voice quiet as he wiped at his eyes. "What for?" Ed raised an eyebrow. "For pushing when I knew you were busy. I know you're in high school, and you have a lot of stuff to do.. but I miss you... you're always busy now... you never have time to play anymore." he admitted. Ed hadn't thought about that... how he'd been home less and less, and brushing geno off more and more. He always tried to make time to play with Geno, at least on weekends, if anything... but he'd not been doing a very good job at that lately. "I..." his attention shot back to his little brother again at the sound of the boy's voice cracking. "I'm not a..actually a pest, am i?" he croaked out, trying to wipe away the tears that spilled once more.

Edward's face twisted into a frown, shushing the other gently as he scooped him up and moved to sit with him in his lap, his arms wrapped tight around his poor baby brother. "Shhh..sh sh sh... of course not Genie... you're my little buddy, I love having you around..." he insisted, "I...I'm sorry I haven't been home much, I'll...try and cut back on some stuff, okay? I think I need it..." he spoke softly and let out a sigh. They sat in silence for a long time. Genos tears turning to faint sniffles as his brother rubbed his back. "You wanted to play that new game you got, right?" Ed voice broke the silence. "Yeah..." he mumbled, moving around a little to look up at the older. "Wanna play a couple rounds?" relief flooded Ed at the way Genos face immediately lighted up. "Yeah!"

He couldn't help but giggle at the enthusiasm as he was quickly yanked up off the bed and tugged towards the door "Okay okay I'm comin, relax." he snorted, His little brother could be a pain sometimes, but it was a pain Edward couldn't possibly live without.

#ibvs posts #ibvs #isaac beamer versus the supernatural #edward quinton #geno quinton #Ed is an undiagnosed autistic person and doesn't have good ways to cope with issues relating to it! so he snaps at people a lot #i love them

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fallowtail · 1 year

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Ghosts and/or WWDITS for the TV series ask game!! 👻🧛🏼‍♂️

GHOSTS TIME

Favourite character: Hetty. Hetty. Hetty. Have you guys heard about Hetty Woodstone???? Funniest character: Hetty...this is going to be a trend in all of my answers. What do you mean Ghosts isn't the Hetty Show? I'm pretty sure it is. But man Hetty gets such amazing lines and Rebecca's delivery is always so fucking funny, her vocal shifts are hilarious. Second runner up is probbbbably Isaac! I love when he asks a question and then acts like he totally also knows the answer, of course, he's just making sure you know. Best-looking character: Hetty again sorryyyy like LOOK at her! That dress! Her hair! Her bustle!! Queen!!! The way she holds herself is so perfect. 3 favourite ships: Hetty/Trevor!!!!!!!!, Sam/Jay, Hetty/Flower Least favourite character: I honestly don't have one...even the side characters in this show I enjoy immensely. Agh. I guess maybe the skeezy Woodstone-estate guy? He wasn't really fun to watch Least favourite ship: Pete/Alberta :[ It's the only one I don't really enjoy at this point because of how Pete is acting towards her in canon. I can still enjoy it in fanon, for sure, but it's the one "might-go-canon" ship that I really hope doesn't at this point unless they do some major reworking of it. It's getting hard to watch Pete repeatedly make Alberta uncomfortable and then still want him to win her over, as someone who has had to deal with "Nice Guys" like how Pete is acting in this situation in the past who won't take no for an answer...it's not as charming as I think the show thinks it is, which is my main issue with it. I’m not sure if it’s being intentionally written where Pete is doing something he shouldn’t be or if it’s being written with the intention of it being cute? I don't want to bash the ship though, of course, I don't have any huge problem with it or think it's too terrible, it's just not really what I want to see. If they can give us a plot where Pete realizes he’s not respecting Alberta when she tells him no and backs off and it’s shown as a character growth molent for him I might warm up to it, but for now…eh. I'm pretty heavily neutral on all the ships otherwise! Reason why I watch it: There's just something about it, I really don't know what it is. It's so cute and funny and the pacing is really bad at times but it's just so fun to watch the entire time it's on. I love every single one of the characters so much, the chemistry between the cast is just amazing and you can tell how much fun they're having. I think what really drew me into it was that the way the characters are written and the concept behind them is similar to the way I approach my own ocs. I just love the idea of them being ghosts who cannot interact with the world at all, and who are just stuck together in this forced found family, a group of people who have no business interacting with each other but they are and they all have so much in common because at the end of it all they're just people, people have always been people, etc...it's just really fun and the fandom is so sweet, I have had more fun in this tiny ass little fandom than I have had with any other in yearssss. Why I started watching it: I had seen trailers for it when it was first coming out (CBS is the channel that's always on in the breakroom at work), and though "oh wow, that looks right up my alley" because of the combination of "supernatural beings but also they're all just. normal guys. Blessed with suck!" but then I didn't get around to watching it for a year because I was too fixated on other stuff still to want to commit to something else. Aghhh! I wish I had picked it up sooner!!

#replies #thecryptidbard #cbs ghosts

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mariacallous · 1 year

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For decades, scholars and policymakers have puzzled over the question: What is China trying to accomplish with its extensive maritime claims throughout the South and East China seas?

A few answers are floated regularly: Perhaps Beijing wants to control natural resources. The South China Sea is a rich source of fisheries and other living resources, and it contains commercially viable hydrocarbon deposits. Or, perhaps, Chinese leaders seek security. After all, Beijing has constructed military bases on Woody Island in the Paracels and on all seven of the Spratly Islands that it occupies. Chinese leaders may also want to bolster Beijing’s status in the larger regional order by setting the maritime agenda and making the rules for dispute resolution.

But neither resource interests, security, nor status alone provide satisfactory explanations for Beijing’s behavior. Instead, as China analyst Isaac B. Kardon argues in his groundbreaking book, China’s Law of the Sea: The New Rules of Maritime Order, Beijing sees itself as fundamentally above the law and beyond accountability to others, especially smaller states. And while full-scale global change to the oceans regime is beyond China’s grasp, Kardon writes, Beijing’s actions may have consequences beyond its nearby waters.

The law of the sea—codified for decades in the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea—is pretty clear on most things. Countries have territorial seas stretching 12 nautical miles off their coasts. Islands do, too. Rocks and submerged features do not. Countries also have resource zones that stretch at least 200 nautical miles, theirs alone to fish, mine, and harvest deep-sea riches. Every state can fly, sail, and operate in waters beyond the territorial seas and pass freely through straits. The problem is that China, though a party to the U.N. convention, flouts each of these elements.

China, as Kardon systematically demonstrates, challenges the prevailing law of the sea by undermining the geography-based rules for defining coastal zones, controlling ocean resources that belong to other states, hampering freedom of navigation, and ignoring its commitment to abide by dispute resolution provisions.

In East Asia, Kardon argues, “China is not so much changing the rules as it is reducing their importance.” In other words, existing international law is fine elsewhere, but in this region, what China says goes. For instance, China exercises regional “veto jurisdiction” in maritime resources zones by blocking Japan, Vietnam, and the Philippines from developing their oil and gas fields unless they accept Beijing’s terms. When it comes to unwanted litigation, Kardon writes, China asserts a “great power exception” and reinforces “a sovereignty norm” as excuses for dodging South China Sea arbitration brought by the Philippines.

China’s maritime policies have opened the door for other states to flout the rules, inviting a world in which international law has little relevance at sea. “China is changing the international environment in which those rules take effect,” Kardon writes. That said, China is unique: It backs its maritime claims with formidable naval, law enforcement, and maritime militia fleets. How will that translate to less powerful states? Will they now decide to make expansive historic rights claims? Are all parties to the U.N. convention free to ignore arbitration required by the convention? Will other states decide it is fair game to shoulder out neighbors from enjoying their resource rights?

As Kardon makes clear—and this is a particular strength of his book—the eight states he analyzed that surround the narrow semi-enclosed seas of East Asia have mixed answers to these questions. Like China, they prize the economic value of their coastal waters. They, too, care about their sovereignty and security. Perhaps this is why they also prize the capacity of international law to hold raw power at bay and are generally more supportive of the U.N. convention’s provisions than their more powerful neighbor. But in the face of muscular Chinese coercion, Kardon writes, resorting to the protection of law carries little weight.

At least some countries in the region have been willing to follow China’s lead in ignoring the rules. For instance, Kardon writes, some regional states have claimed a full exclusive economic zone from islets and rocks not entitled to them. This is seen in Japan’s approach to tiny, isolated Okinotorishima, as well as in Vietnam’s greatly excessive baselines—the lines along a country’s coast from which the territorial sea and resource zones are measured. Both cases mirror China’s similarly excessive claims. These are signs of the legal erosion Beijing’s behavior presages.

Meanwhile, only the United States openly and actively opposes Beijing’s limitations on maritime navigational rights and freedoms for foreign ships. Kardon finds no appetite in Southeast Asia to support this area of international law. Some states, such as Brunei, fully acquiesce to Beijing’s legal preferences. Others straddle a middle path. Close U.S. ally Japan is the only regional state to object across the board to China’s attempts to limit military exercises and intelligence gathering—both clearly permitted activities—in the exclusive economic zone.

Even so, Southeast Asians have mustered unified resistance to some of Beijing’s more outrageous claims. China’s so-called nine-dash line and related claims to historic rights cast a net over almost the entirety of the South China Sea, denying Vietnam, Malaysia, Indonesia, and the Philippines access to the maritime resources that international law allocates to them. Aside from Brunei, China’s neighbors universally reject the nine-dash line. And perhaps because they have little but the law to protect their interests, Vietnam, Indonesia, and the Philippines also give full support to the U.N. convention’s mandatory dispute resolution procedures. The problem is that Beijing complains that these procedures offend its sovereignty despite its promise to submit to them when it acceded to the convention. In the face of China’s rejection of tribunals, smaller regional states are left with few, if any, remedies.

Pushback alone is clearly not enough to stop China’s growing sea power—and Beijing’s desire for what Kardon terms a “post-liberal international order”—from potentially reshaping the global oceans regime. Kardon believes that we may see a return to raw power as the organizing principle for the world’s oceans. To paraphrase Thucydides—the strong do what they can; only the weak resort to law. Kardon writes that “[t]he normative flux brought about by China’s law of the sea shows the beginning of a possible rejuvenation of a less universal type of international law.” Indeed.

In steering the international system back toward a realist approach to international law, however, Chinese leaders see themselves as following in the footsteps of the United States. Unlike Beijing, Washington never acceded to the U.N. Convention on the Law of the Sea, despite active support for most of its provisions. Over the past four decades, senators have objected to its encroachments on U.S. sovereignty and the country’s ability to freely project power. China, Kardon writes, has benefited greatly from the absence of U.S. leadership in this important arena.

In particular, China’s membership has allowed it to appoint a judge to the International Tribunal for the Law of the Sea and take a leading role in the International Seabed Authority. Beijing thus “exercises substantive leadership,” as Kardon notes, while undermining the law’s substantive provisions. Because the United States declined to ratify the convention, in part to avoid the same mandatory dispute resolution provisions China refuses to submit to, it gave up an opportunity to exercise leadership over the development of the global oceans regime from inside its institutions. China stepped into this breach. Today, the steady breakdown of the law of the sea in East Asia in the face of Chinese coercion stands as evidence of the failure of U.S. leadership.

This may be the most serious insight of Kardon’s book. We are left to wonder whether U.S. accession to the convention would have changed things. Would the full weight of U.S. support have put sufficient pressure on Beijing to comply? Would it have buttressed an international legal regime against the rise of a competitor? U.S. accession might have reinforced those aspects of international law that are essential to the U.S. national interest, but which now can only be maintained through power.

In this sense, Kardon’s book stands as an epitaph for the end of an era when a truly global, Washington-led maritime order might have been achieved. Perhaps this, more than advancing any resource, security, or status interest, is what China has been trying to accomplish all along.

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torahtantra · 1 year

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6. Parsha Toledot. "Generations."

Jacob and Esau

19 This is the account of the family line of Abraham’s son Isaac "Laughter".

Abraham became the father of Isaac, 20 and Isaac was forty years old when he married Rebekah "the tie" daughter of Bethuel the Aramean from Paddan Aram[a] and sister of Laban the Aramean.

Bethuel the Aramean from Paddan Aram= the Virgin in the Elevated House of God who makes the Ultimate Substitution + Laban, the Highest Purity.

="Compassion and Laughter tie the adult to the House of God once the virgin is gone and elevate him to a new standard of purity."

Paddan Aram "the ultimate substitution" is a phenomenon we will see a lot of in the Torah means to leave home and marry someone in addition to trading up from the hairy old tired out brother to the new cute smooth one, or from the ground to the mountain, etc.

Paddan aram is always the result of the climb. Marriage is not often discussed as a climb to a higher state of purity or closeness to God but it must at least be hoped for. The Torah says we are to trade our husband or wife for religion as the means of enlightenment as the relationship excels.

And this couple got married at age 40! Youth must be traded out for maturity during this stage of our departure from Eden and then comes the rearing of the nations as one's parents did before, the vestige of religion that must remain with us for life.

21 Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was childless. The Lord answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant. 22 The babies jostled each other within her, and she said, “Why is this happening to me?” So she went to inquire of the Lord.

23 The Lord said to her,

“Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger.”

= Rebekah's womb is an Ark a violence free crucible in which a future humanity is brewing. There are two baby animals in there and they need to be reared just as God said once they are decanted.

24 When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb. 25 The first to come out was red, and his whole body was like a hairy garment; so they named him Esau.[b] 26 After this, his brother came out, with his hand grasping Esau’s heel; so he was named Jacob.[c] Isaac was sixty years old when Rebekah gave birth to them.

=Red is the color of commitment. Rebekah is the Tie that Binds. Red threads like the one above are seen throughout the Torah= The first generation commits like Adam does to Eve to keep civilization alive. Rebekah did not conceive out of wedlock nor was she unevolved, she was certainly not devolved.

27 The boys grew up, and Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was content to stay at home among the tents. 28 Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

=The Red Thread always favors the follower not the meanderer.

29 Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. 30 He said to Jacob, “Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!” (That is why he was also called Edom.[d]) (EDOM is Adam= ruddy, red, committed, ordained).

31 Jacob replied, “First sell me your birthright.”

32 “Look, I am about to die,” Esau said. “What good is the birthright to me?”

33 But Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob.

34 Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left.

So Esau despised his birthright.

Lentils which symbolize the circle of life are a consolation prize. Esau is life after puberty, Jacob. the smoothie follows and we can't be both at the same time. This makes all of us sad but we have to move on, our parents, governments, nations, traditions and cultures all the aspects of life that can grow stale when exposed to experience in life have to move on when their time comes.

Even still, we pay homage to Monarchies which preserve what is ideal, romantic, functional, superb, all that is valuable about mankind and keep it in practice. The others, the ones that drag us down, these we dispose of:

Isaac and Abimelek "My Father the King."

26 Now there was a famine in the land—besides the previous famine in Abraham’s time—and Isaac went to Abimelek king of the Philistines in Gerar "a violent man that was dragging everyone away".

2 The Lord appeared to Isaac and said, “Do not go down to Egypt; live in the land where I tell you to live. 3 Stay in this land for a while, and I will be with you and will bless you. For to you and your descendants I will give all these lands and will confirm the oath I swore to your father Abraham. 4 I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and will give them all these lands, and through your offspring[e] all nations on earth will be blessed,[f] 5 because Abraham obeyed me and did everything I required of him, keeping my commands, my decrees and my instructions.” 6 So Isaac stayed in Gerar "had the laughter dragged out."

7 When the men of that place asked him about his wife, he said, “She is my sister,” because he was afraid to say, “She is my wife.” He thought, “The men of this place might kill me on account of Rebekah, because she is beautiful.”

=The Philistines, violent men, wanted to kill the laughter the "Tie that binds to the High Places" and take its beauty away.

8 When Isaac had been there a long time, Abimelek king of the Philistines looked down from a window and saw Isaac caressing his wife Rebekah. 9 So Abimelek summoned Isaac and said, “She is really your wife! Why did you say, ‘She is my sister’?”

Isaac answered him, “Because I thought I might lose my life on account of her.”

10 Then Abimelek said, “What is this you have done to us? One of the men might well have slept with your wife, and you would have brought guilt upon us.”

=Violence sleeping with the Tenets of God's House do not mix and this is definitely a source of guilt.

11 So Abimelek gave orders to all the people: “Anyone who harms this man or his wife shall surely be put to death.”

12 Isaac planted crops in that land and the same year reaped a hundredfold, because the Lord blessed him. 13 The man became rich, and his wealth continued to grow until he became very wealthy. 14 He had so many flocks and herds and servants that the Philistines envied him. 15 So all the wells that his father’s servants had dug in the time of his father Abraham, the Philistines stopped up, filling them with earth.

16 Then Abimelek said to Isaac, “Move away from us; you have become too powerful for us.”

17 So Isaac moved away from there and encamped in the Valley of Gerar, where he settled. 18 Isaac reopened the wells that had been dug in the time of his father Abraham, which the Philistines had stopped up after Abraham died, and he gave them the same names his father had given them.

=Once compassion is dead the well, where men and God reflect upon one another, will run dry and laughter will be dragged off into the valley of the shadow of death.

19 Isaac’s servants dug in the valley and discovered a well of fresh water there. 20 But the herders of Gerar quarreled with those of Isaac and said, “The water is ours!” So he named the well Esek, "animosity" [g] because they disputed with him. 21 Then they dug another well, but they quarreled over that one also; so he named it Sitnah.[h] "Satan, the adversary" 22 He moved on from there and dug another well, and no one quarreled over it. He named it Rehoboth, "the wide city" [i] saying, “Now the Lord has given us room and we will flourish in the land.”

=Laughter turns animosity and adversity into the Servants of God and opens the well, permits a Wide City to flourish around it.

23 From there he went up to Beersheba "the Seven Wells". 24 That night the Lord appeared to him and said, “I am the God of your father Abraham. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bless you and will increase the number of your descendants for the sake of my servant Abraham.”

25 Isaac built an altar there and called on the name of the Lord. There he pitched his tent, and there his servants dug a well.

ALTARS cross Kruvim; be they between today and tomorrow, war and peace, sin and virtue, success and failure, what we need to illuminate the darkness between lifetimes is always surpassed with that which adorns the altar.

26 Meanwhile, Abimelek had come to him from Gerar, with Ahuzzath "to grasp" his personal adviser and Phicol "the mouth of all" the commander of his forces. 27 Isaac asked them, “Why have you come to me, since you were hostile to me and sent me away?”

28 They answered, “We saw clearly that the Lord was with you; so we said, ‘There ought to be a sworn agreement between us’—between us and you. Let us make a treaty with you 29 that you will do us no harm, just as we did not harm you but always treated you well and sent you away peacefully. And now you are blessed by the Lord.”

30 Isaac then made a feast for them, and they ate and drank. 31 Early the next morning the men swore an oath to each other. Then Isaac sent them on their way, and they went away peacefully.

32 That day Isaac’s servants came and told him about the well they had dug. They said, “We’ve found water!” 33 He called it Shibah, "the Seven" [j] and to this day the name of the town has been Beersheba.[k]

=The Servants of Laughter overcome adversity, animosity, violence and the Mouth by digging for the Water within the Seven Wells, which are fed by the Purest Spring, the Eye of the Fountain in the Highest House.

Jacob Takes Esau’s Blessing

34 When Esau was forty years old, he married Judith "let him be praised" daughter of Beeri the Hittite "an entirely new thing out of one that is scary", and also Basemath daughter of Elon the Hittite "something sweet smelling out of the protruding scary oak". 35 They were a source of grief to Isaac and Rebekah.

="The current generation much search for the essence of what is new in the next and be pleased to go along with its discoveries."

27 When Isaac was old and his eyes were so weak that he could no longer see, he called for Esau his older son and said to him, “My son.”

“Here I am,” he answered.

2 Isaac said, “I am now an old man and don’t know the day of my death. 3 Now then, get your equipment—your quiver and bow—and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. 4 Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die.”

The Bow and Arrow are the practices of Kabbalah, encrypted within the Torah:

For many generations, the inner soul of Torah — also known as the "Kabbalah" — was transmitted from teacher to disciple in the form of cryptic maxims, in private, and only to a very few individuals in each generation. These teachings chart the sublime expanses of the divine reality, the processes of creation, G‑d's relationship to our existence and the inner recesses of the human soul. The tremendous power they contain, and their extreme subtlety, makes them extremely vulnerable to corruption. Thus, for many years it was forbidden to reveal these teachings.

The Bow and Arrow represent the "distance weapon" needed to close the gap between an archer and distant prey or an opponent one is not able to conquer by hand to hand combat.

Isaac's instructions to Esau, the older son regarding the bow and arrow is not to forget to learn and pass along the hidden teachings. The use of the bow and arrow to bring in a younger tasty is fulfilled when Jacob is permitted to sneak in and steal the older sibling's place in the hierarchy.

5 Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back, 6 Rebekah said to her son Jacob, “Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, 7 ‘Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give you my blessing in the presence of the Lord before I die.’

8 Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you: 9 Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. 10 Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies.”

=Two by two is always the dirty one and the clean one; yesterday and today. To make tasty food of these one must demonstrate one's ability to handle oneself; this hearkens back to the near-sacrifice of Isaac by Abraham, which would have not equated to very tasty food.

The discussion that follows has to do with how sacrifices for food are chosen and when: It was Jacob's time, and his parents were following the rules, the youngest is one that inherits the world, he has to be encouraged as much if not more than his older siblings in the use of Kabbalah to negotiate the ways of the world:

11 Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, “But my brother Esau is a hairy man while I have smooth skin. 12 What if my father touches me? I would appear to be tricking him and would bring down a curse on myself rather than a blessing.”

13 His mother said to him, “My son, let the curse fall on me. Just do what I say; go and get them for me.”

14 So he went and got them and brought them to his mother, and she prepared some tasty food, just the way his father liked it. 15 Then Rebekah took the best clothes of Esau her older son, which she had in the house, and put them on her younger son Jacob.

16 She also covered his hands and the smooth part of his neck with the goatskins. 17 Then she handed to her son Jacob the tasty food and the bread she had made.

18 He went to his father and said, “My father.”

“Yes, my son,” he answered. “Who is it?”

19 Jacob said to his father, “I am Esau your firstborn. I have done as you told me. Please sit up and eat some of my game, so that you may give me your blessing.”

20 Isaac asked his son, “How did you find it so quickly, my son?”

“The Lord your God gave me success,” he replied.

21 Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Come near so I can touch you, my son, to know whether you really are my son Esau or not.”

22 Jacob went close to his father Isaac, who touched him and said, “The voice is the voice of Jacob, but the hands are the hands of Esau.” 23 He did not recognize him, for his hands were hairy like those of his brother Esau; so he proceeded to bless him. 24 “Are you really my son Esau?” he asked.

“I am,” he replied.

25 Then he said, “My son, bring me some of your game to eat, so that I may give you my blessing.”

Jacob brought it to him and he ate; and he brought some wine and he drank. 26 Then his father Isaac said to him, “Come here, my son, and kiss me.”

27 So he went to him and kissed him. When Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he blessed him and said,

“Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field that the Lord has blessed. 28 May God give you heaven’s dew and earth’s richness— an abundance of grain and new wine. 29 May nations serve you and peoples bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, and may the sons of your mother bow down to you. May those who curse you be cursed and those who bless you be blessed.”

30 After Isaac finished blessing him, and Jacob had scarcely left his father’s presence, his brother Esau came in from hunting. 31 He too prepared some tasty food and brought it to his father. Then he said to him, “My father, please sit up and eat some of my game, so that you may give me your blessing.”

32 His father Isaac asked him, “Who are you?”

“I am your son,” he answered, “your firstborn, Esau.”

33 Isaac trembled violently and said, “Who was it, then, that hunted game and brought it to me? I ate it just before you came and I blessed him—and indeed he will be blessed!”

34 When Esau heard his father’s words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, “Bless me—me too, my father!”

35 But he said, “Your brother came deceitfully and took your blessing.”

=The tasty ones always do. :(

36 Esau said, “Isn’t he rightly named Jacob[l] "the follower" ? This is the second time he has taken advantage of me: He took my birthright, and now he’s taken my blessing!” Then he asked, “Haven’t you reserved any blessing for me?”

37 Isaac answered Esau, “I have made him lord over you and have made all his relatives his servants, and I have sustained him with grain and new wine. So what can I possibly do for you, my son?”

38 Esau said to his father, “Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father!” Then Esau wept aloud.

39 His father Isaac answered him,

“Your dwelling will be away from the earth’s richness, away from the dew of heaven above. 40 You will live by the sword and you will serve your brother. But when you grow restless, you will throw his yoke from off your neck.”

41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, “The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob.”

42 When Rebekah was told what her older son Esau had said, she sent for her younger son Jacob and said to him, “Your brother Esau is planning to avenge himself by killing you.

43 Now then, my son, do what I say: Flee at once to my brother Laban in Harran "purity the mountain climber" . 44 Stay with him for a while until your brother’s fury subsides. 45 When your brother is no longer angry with you and forgets what you did to him, I’ll send word for you to come back from there. Why should I lose both of you in one day?”

46 Then Rebekah said to Isaac, “I’m disgusted with living because of these Hittite women, "fearsome women". If Jacob takes a wife from among the women of this land, from Hittite women like these, my life will not be worth living.”

28 So Isaac called for Jacob and blessed him. Then he commanded him: “Do not marry a Canaanite woman. 2 Go at once to Paddan Aram,[m] to the house of your mother’s father Bethuel. Take a wife for yourself there, from among the daughters of Laban, your mother’s brother.

3 May God Almighty[n] bless you and make you fruitful and increase your numbers until you become a community of peoples.

4 May he give you and your descendants the blessing given to Abraham, so that you may take possession of the land where you now reside as a foreigner, the land God gave to Abraham.”

5 Then Isaac sent Jacob on his way, and he went to Paddan Aram, to Laban son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, who was the mother of Jacob and Esau.

6 Now Esau learned that Isaac had blessed Jacob and had sent him to Paddan Aram [the Ultimate Substitution] to take a wife from there, and that when he blessed him he commanded him, “Do not marry a Canaanite woman,”

7 and that Jacob had obeyed his father and mother and had gone to Paddan Aram. 8 Esau then realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father Isaac;

9 so he went to Ishmael and married Mahalath "lament", the sister of Nebaioth "to prophesy having seen the high places" and daughter of Ishmael son of Abraham, in addition to the wives he already had.

Tomorrow requires a smooth young male boy with a distance weapon and good aim, one who is capable of being mature an early age, with a good sense of humor. Say goodbye to yesterday when he fits his arrow to the string of his bow and lets it fly.

Innocence is not valued in the Torah. The Torah opens with its loss and every increment discusses how to replace innocence with experiences of the right kind as soon as possible in life.

Thus ends Parsha Toledot "Generations" also called the "Ultimate Substitution", numbered 6 of 54 contained in the Holy Torah.

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marylouexpress · 2 years

Text

late night writing in SP

Alright, let’s state some random facts.

It only took me 5min to get this computer started - or should I call this outdated machine “dinosaur”, like Isaac from Manchester (Tulum) once said?

Anyway. That was fact 0. Fact number 1 behind this text is because I started getting to the conclusion that maybe Eduardo is too light regarding my abusage issue. He definitely either underestimates it or is too relaxed about it - either way, the point is: I need to build up the courage to be more transparent about how complex and serious it actually is. Another possibility is that I’m not being completely frank about it, I’m definitely keeping a lot of important details to myself. I might need to really commit to open up about how entwined this whole thing has already become. I need to be more upfront. More real, even with myself. I might’ve gotten used to just sharing the best bits of each category, making sure to pretend to forget that the rest of the iceberg is completely real to myself more than to anyone.

What if I would just come clean? If there’s anyone I’d do it with, it would be Eduardo. I should just write something and have it ready to be read first thing in the section, because in the last one I even had my topics written down and before I knew it I was already completely involved in a different subject. I think it still might have worked somehow because I found a way to connect all the dots throughout the session. And the same way I sidetracked with Eduardo a couple of days ago, I was nearly doing it with this text.

More random facts?

Leo Hare is an extremely incredible human, he’s a genius, an extremely intelligent and generous person. He’s enlightened and I am lucky to have him as one of my closest friends. I am so, so thankful he welcomed me here and it’s been really pleasant. /edit 17/10/22 I think I was blind.

Luar is an absolute dream of a boy. Just like with 99% of all my gay best friends - so many! Felipe, Fraser, Elliott, Matías, Sean, Chang, Rapha Cruz - I always tend to have a platonic sexual crush on my gay boyfriends. They’re just so cute, and to think of two boys going for it is just the ultimate hotness for me.

Another random fact?

Binance has been yielding big time and I really hope to make some real money with this stuff. It hasn’t been this present in my last year by chance.

I love Ozzy. He’s getting hotter and hotter, wiser and wiser, such a warming company. I remember when we marked 7 years of friendship and he said that after that was for life… And, truly, he’s someone I intend to have around for always. And I’m really sorry about his loss, I hope he and his family have all the love to help each other heal. I’m sorry about his brother. But I’m proud and happy with his growth. I must text him that before falling asleep.

Another random fact? I’m very sorry about Chang, I’m really bummed about how much he changed and let his energy fade. And I can only imagine that it wasn’t by choice, and for that I wish I could give him strength. But it’s all so very odd. Strange. We did bond on a deep level, but he’s different. I don’t feel like I can trust him anymore, not entirely - because you could never do with an addict. And although I am sorry for him, I don’t regret letting the space build up in a way. Yesterday at Família Truco’s game night at Freddy’s place, he messaged around midnight to ask me to be his companion for his exam 9h later. And I agreed to go because I was high, optimistic that I could pull it off, and being lifted by the idea that I had spare love to give him after all the dragging to pay me back - which he still hasn’t, and although it would be incredible to be paid right now, I have decided not to stress over it anymore. It’s been given to maybe never return, and we know it swings the round about. But turns out I had to cancel on him, and even though it wasn’t very nice, I don’t feel guilty at all.

“I’m nice, I’m not stupid”.

I hope me and Marcel end up meeting in Brazil later this year. Casting the prophecy like with Salim and New York. Still amazed by the fact I had two trips to incredible cities in America with all paid for within 1 year.

More random facts.

Tomorrow we have the day party for Deb?

More… Oh my god, yes, apparently Australia has just permitted Brazilians to apply for Working Holiday Visas. This is fucking huge. Definitely something to take into consideration.

I wish mom was less self-centered.

I wish my father was less cold.

I hope my brother can break the pattern I’m also afraid to follow.

I hope I can break the patterns. Is it this hard for everyone? Or am I just weaker than most? Or am I weaker for some physiological reason?

Am I completely lost or am I slowly making progress and depriving myself from any form of credit?

Do I need help or do I need focus?

Let’s keep the random facts flowing.

The joint I just smoked was pretty soothing.

Anyway, another random and also, unexpected, negative surprise to boot was that Jr. dal Bianco actually was only talk. It never happened and I really thought this one was kind of guaranteed. Guess not. He just keeps ghosting me and showing up late at night when he’s drunk and horny.

You’re pretty, that’s great.

Next thought…

The fact I feel something that 5 years ago I would have thought it would be too unlike me to be true. I’m deeply connected and comfortable in my solitude and independent heart. And although from time to time I might miss a few things from times where my heart was completely open, when I was already undeniably exposed and vulnerable, when I wouldn’t think twice before giving all I got to that someone that turns my world upside down… When your heart is so full of life and pouding so strong in the exact same frequency as your lover. It’s truly something incomparable, beautiful to experience, but also potentially draining. Very much so.

And I had such a sequence of roller coasters and romances and different dynamics, nationalities, genders, ages… And I fell in love so hard for some of these individuals. Like with Luca, I was on fours for this guy, I had every part of me attached to something that was only real to me, and I would let myself sabotage myself over and over because I had a tiny yet remarkable hope he would, one day, eventually… maybe finally realize I was the woman of his life.

And I gave so much of myself to this love, this platonic love, and it took me so much to move on for real and to heal… And it was so much going on emotionally, consistently. Julia, Aaron, Kaz, Nat, Zak, Luca, Mia, now even David maybe, but such on a smaller scale. I think I emptied out all my romantic, emotional batteries at some point, and that’s when the prophecy came, in Gili, first time I had mushrooms to trip by myself, at the Bungalow I was staying, smoking by the trees, sitting on my very own private hammock. I first had my first time ever thinking of Luca that didn’t pinch my heart, it was nothing but a fleeting thought. And then the realization: I genuinely want and need to be on my own, working on my own development, giving myself the freedom, the space, the independence that a solo traveler has to be able to adapt to sometimes. Thing is I always had trouble being able to open myself up without diving into this collided mindset where suddenly your story is not about yourself anymore. It’s about the two of you, and every decision compromises two people, each opportunity that presents itself is probably very different, each step you’re taking is assuming that person is the most important thing in the world.

And how quick does that can fall apart? How fast can somebody that used to share every moment with you just disappear from your life? And be an eternal stranger. How many times did we end up getting over people that broke our hearts? Even though it seemed impossible before.

And there I can definitely say that I have participated a lot in the past. Having a heart that was open and ready to jump on most adventures that seemed special. But that took so much from me, that now - after riding this train solo for the past 3,5 years, without ANY real love that really meant something - it seems kind of an unnatural thing to truly let the guard down and give so much energy and time to that one person that has so much influence on my life. I know it feels like a dream. But most of the time you wake up from it pretty quickly.

Like with David. It peaked and we even made traveling plans just before it all turned into dust, from night to day, no shades of gray to work with, just the blunt: deal with it, it’s over before you could ever have preddict, over something completely out of my control, not personal at all and yet, he has left such a mark in me.

I don’t think I spend over 3 or 4 days, at most, without having something remind me of him. A memory. Daydreaming, nostalgic and melancholic. Talking about him. Keeping it real. Reminiscing. Letting go.

But why is it that I always pick the wrong ones to give it a try? Like Raul. Over Agustin, on top of it, nonsense yet completely inevitable.

I know I’m saying I have my gates open, but the truth is I’m still looking for the key. It feels unnatural to open myself to somebody right now. On the other hand I also miss the kind of connection where you’re really living something special, that really makes your life colorful and makes your day so pleasurable to live for.

I haven’t felt that in so fucking long. Since Mia.

But I’m not looking for any kind of pressure or strings right now. It’s not the right time, but also I know that if it’s meant to happen with someone, it will be impossible to stop it. When it’s real it moves mountains and everything that is the way.

I’m going to sing and dance a little before crashing.

I think I need to make sure Eduardo comprehends the situation. I need to accept I need help, and he’s the one to communicate it first.

I know what to do. I know that sacrificing this and breaking this pattern would turn my life around completely, yet I keep chasing my own tail and stopping myself from making progress in life. It’s only gonna get worse, and now is the moment I can still decide to not go down that road, I still have time, I can still banish it from my life - but it’s so hard to avoid it out there, especially for my lifestyle. Everything would have to change.

It’s been literally one of the only consistent things about my adulthood, apart from a few isolated phases where I would run away and hide from this world. But it would always sneak back in. It’s like a trap.

It’s also about thinking about the future. Thinking of my path, my achievements, my goals, my spirit, being disciplined, in control, aware. Strong.

Bed time, let’s try to sleep. Let's fetch melatonin.

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