#hope to one day meet someone who will look at me the way Kaidan looks at Shep

[thepixelagora]

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#honestly i missed these two goobers way too much #hope to one day meet someone who will look at me the way Kaidan looks at Shep #my art #commission #mshenko #mass effect #kaidan alenko #male shepard #mshep #shenko #tw injury #cw injury #tw blood #cw blood #mass effect art #mass effect 3 #me3 #mshenko art

[allisondraste]

Death and Other Things That Should Have Been Fatal

Fandom: Mass Effect

Pairing: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

Word Count: 4715

Summary: A follow up to Cockroaches and Other Things That Just Keep Living, Shepard wakes up after destroying the Reapers and copes with the fallout. Thankfully, she doesn't have to do so alone.

[Click Here for AO3]

“Shepard?”

The voice was little more than static in her ear, jarring her back into excruciating consciousness, head throbbing, extremities numb.  Spears of pain coursed through her chest with each and every breath, and she didn’t know whether it was the several broken ribs or the sight of Anderson's lifeless body slouched next to her.  She tore her gaze away from the closest thing she’d ever had to a good father figure, eyes fluttering closed as she attempted to focus only on the person speaking to her.

“Garrus?”  His was the first name that rolled off her tongue, the only person in the galaxy she wanted that disembodied voice to be.

“No.” Came the stern reply.  There was a long pause as any hope for comfort in her final moments came crashing down around her.  Then the voice spoke again. “It’s Hackett.”

A jolt of resentment toward the Admiral coursed through her at his introduction.  What more could he possibly want from her?  Had she not already done enough, sacrificed enough for just a ghost of a chance to stop the reapers.  Surely someone else could take it from there.  Why did everything fall on her?

Because someone else would have gotten it wrong.

She shook herself out of her head and back to the present. She would have been mortified under normal circumstances, but she couldn’t bring herself to give a damn now. “I apologize sir, I’m— What do you need me to do?”

“The Crucible is docked, but is not activated,” he explained, “We think there’s something that needs to be done on your end.  Is there a trigger? Some sort of terminal?”

His words clung to the air around her, and her eyes locked onto the terminal the Illusive Man had used earlier.  It was just a few feet in front of her and still so far away. She tried and failed to bring herself to her feet, legs buckling beneath her and sending her plummeting to the floor.  Hot tears burned in her eyes as a new array of pain shot through her body, and she groaned in agony.

“Shepard?”

“I’m here, sir,” she growled, forcing herself up onto an elbow and dragging her body to the terminal, vision beginning to blur at the corners.. Not yet , she pleaded with her consciousness as she reached up toward the terminal, hand sweeping clumsily across the haptic display. Not. Yet.   “I’m at the terminal but I… I don’t— I can’t find—”

Her vision went dark, supporting arm trembling and giving out as her consciousness faded.  Hackett’s voice called out to her repeatedly, further and further away until it was gone entirely.

She awoke to bright, burning light, buzzing in her ears, sensations anyone else would have associated with death.  But Shepard had been dead before, and this was nothing like the last time.  She’d never forget that dark, quiet empty.

“Shepard,” shouted a voice, both familiar and foreign, “Wake up.”

“What?” Blood dripped into her eyes from a wound she couldn’t feel. “Where am I?”

She scrubbed her face with the back of her hand, blinking until her vision cleared.  Her body screamed in protest as she rose to her knees, louder still as she brought herself to her feet and searched for who—or what— had spoken to her.

“The Citadel,” came the reply, “It is my home.”

She snapped her head in the direction of the voice, it’s owner a glowing, translucent entity in the shape of a ghost.  Her heart slammed against her aching ribs, and a name rushed to her mouth before she could stop it. “Kaidan?”

The entity examined her for a moment that felt more like an eternity, long enough for her initial relief to fade, consumed by dread as she awaited its answer.

“No,” it stated in a cold, matter-of-fact way Kaidan could never have managed, “I am the Catalyst.”

Rage ignited in her stomach and chest at the sound of him twisted and distorted by a chorus of synthetic echoes, and she growled. “I thought the Citadel was the Catalyst.”

“The Citadel is part of me,” it explained, then paused, tilting its head in examination of her again, “My appearance disturbs you.”

Shepard let out a derisive snort. “Yeah. You could say that.”

“I apologize,” it said, “I chose a form that I believed would help us communicate. You had fond memories of this one.”

“Too fond.”  She looked down, unable to meet its vacant eyes. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“Is this one more suitable?”  It’s voice shifted registers and when she glanced up Thane stood before her.

Hot tears burned in her eyes but she held them back and shook her head. “No.”

“Perhaps you would prefer this?” This time it’s tone was higher pitched, clipped.  Mordin.

“No,” she spat through clenched teeth, “I’d prefer if you’d just pick a nightmare and tell me whether you can help me or not. ”

“Very well,” it said, Kaidan once again as it motioned for her to follow after it toward the beam of light before them. “Perhaps we can help each other.”

She limped after it, listening as it spoke, as it explained its creation, it’s function, the purpose for its very existence.  It was nothing the Leviathan had not already revealed to her, but spun in a way that painted the Reapers as innocent pawns simply fulfilling their duty, wiping out entire civilizations to ensure galactic balance, to protect organic life from its own chaos.

Bullshit , she thought as flashes of destruction played behind her eyelids with each laborious blink.  She remembered the sinking void in her gut as she fled Earth, watching it burn beneath Reaper hands.  She thought of Palaven, the harrowed Turian faces as their military and government collapsed, the anger and disbelief that vibrated in Garrus’ voice and beneath his skin. She recalled Thessia, the most advanced civilization in the galaxy reduced to rubble before her eyes and she, helpless to even salvage one artifact, Liara’s anguished sobs as she trembled in her arms.

The Catalyst and its Reapers were responsible for every lost colony in Batarian space that Shepard had shouldered instead.  Every single face on the memorial wall at the Citadel, every orphaned child and refugee, every life touched by this goddamn war, and the lives of those in every cycle that came before— it was all their fault.  They had corrupted and indoctrinated some of the greatest minds of her time, broken some of the strongest wills.  She wondered what had been said to convince Saren and Benezia. What had the Catalyst become to take hold of The Illusive Man?

The echoes of Sovereign’s boasts of supremacy and Harbinger’s threats of annihilation rang out in her ears as clear as the days they’d been spoken. And this entity, this artificial intelligence with the power and capability to stop it all, expected her to believe they were simply creatures bound to a purpose. The Catalyst truly believed she would help it achieve its pinnacle of evolution.

No, just because it was in a shark’s nature to eat her, did not mean she would allow it to do so. Despite the original intent behind their creations, the Reapers were monsters, and they had to be stopped. The galaxy deserved justice. She took one lumbering step toward the trigger on the right, one step closer to settling things once and for all.

“It will happen again,” the Catalyst called after her, “Machines will be rebuilt, and chaos will continue. Organics and synthetics cannot coexist separately.

“That’s…not true,” she grunted, and took another step, “The geth and the quarians have brokered peace.”

“It will not last.”

“You don’t know that,” she shouted, fists clenched at her sides, “The beauty of chaos is that you can’t know that.”

The entity fell silent, briefly considering what she said, then continued. “Perhaps not; however if you choose to destroy the Reapers, the geth will be destroyed as well. The two will not have the opportunity to disprove your hypothesis.”

A pang of guilt pierced her and she halted in her tracks.“All of them?”

“Yes.  The Crucible’s beam is powerful but unfocused.  It will be unable to distinguish between Reaper technology and other forms of synthetic life.”

Another pang of guilt as realization dawned on her. That meant EDI would die, too. Someone who was every bit a friend and member of her crew as anyone else, someone who had put herself on the line multiple times to protect Shepard, to make certain she could get the job done.  EDI, who confessed just before the battle that she finally felt alive. Now, Shepard was forced to weigh her newfound life and the newfound intelligence of the geth race, against the destruction of the Reapers.

What was it Garrus had called it? Ruthless calculus, that brutal math that awaited anyone who spent enough time at war.  Shepard had done plenty of those calculations, had made more than her fair share of difficult decisions, and she’d dealt with the consequences, good and bad.

This time, it was different, more final.  And she was entirely alone.  The future of the galaxy lay upon her weary back, and she was far past the point of compromise.

Shepard wanted the Reapers to pay for what they had done for millennia, wanted to watch them disintegrate in space as the cheers of her fleet rang out over the comms.  She wanted to know with certainty that the war was over.

More than anything, however, and most heavy on her mind,  she wanted to survive. It was a potent wave of selfishness that overwhelmed her as she thought of her friends back on the Normandy, of the relationships she’d forged and that had forged her.  Her heart ached at the thought of never seeing them again, never hearing their voices. She was sick at the possibility that her last moments with those who had carried her through every storm were hurried and spent in a war torn camp on Earth.

Knowing that they were worried and waiting for her to return, remembering Garrus’ desperate plea that she come back alive, it was more than she needed to motivate her to do so.  For the first time in her three decades of life, she had something to go home to. She had given so much of herself to save the galaxy, and she had more than earned the right to live in it.

There was no certainty that destroying the Reapers would ensure her survival, but it was the only choice without the certainty that she would die.  She was willing to take her chances. She had to. With a trembling arm she raised her pistol, aimed at the glass case guarding the trigger mechanism, and fired.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered as the glass shattered and her vision faded to white. “I’m so sorry.”

Shepard had been dead enough times to know that sound always came first, the discomforting beeping of medical equipment and garbled chatter ringing out in the darkness as her nervous system attempted to orient itself. Smell and taste came next, a package deal.  This time the antiseptic and the metallic tang of blood barely masked the rank of burnt flesh.

Then the pain set in, dull but constant and everywhere, numbed only slightly by neural blockers and local anesthetic.  She did not need to see her injuries to know how serious they were, how fatal they should have been.  Yet there she lay, once again waking up from something that would have killed anyone else.

And she was alone.  Again.

She began to panic as her eyes opened to the empty, sterile room, setting off the many monitors she was hooked up to.  Her heart pounded violently, each breath she took sharp and shallow as she yanked herself free from the dozens of tubes and IVs constraining her. How long had she been out this time? What covert operation for which secret, extremist organization had found and resurrected her for their benefit? How much more could one galaxy ask of her?

There was a hiss of opening doors and an unfamiliar asari entered the room urgently, arms extended out in front of her.  In one breath she reassured Shepard that everything was going to be all right  and in the next called for a medical restraint, a sedative.  She stepped slowly toward Shepard as one would approach a frightened, feral animal, and two more uniformed aliens entered the room.  Shepard stood tall, despite the ache in her bones and glared at the three of them.

“Ma’am, I know you must be very disoriented right now, and I am happy to answer any and all of your questions,” the asari said, holding her hands up, “But you are in no shape to be out of bed.  I need you to calm down before you hurt yourself further.”

Shepard glanced from the asari to the two salarians on either side of her.  They all wore generic attire that was standard for medical professionals across the galaxy, but their uniforms had no indication of their names or who they worked for.  She crossed her arms and winced through the pain as she argued. “How about you start by telling me where I am, then I’ll decide if I want to calm down or not.”

Just as she finished speaking the doors opened again, this time to faces she knew, and the subsequent wave of relief that washed over her nearly knocked her back into the bed on it’s own.  On the right stood Dr. Michel, who she remembered helping out on several occasions during the Reaper War.  A bit sweet on Garrus, if she remembered correctly. On the left, wearing a smirk and a raised eyebrow, was none other than Miranda Lawson.

“Sit down, Shepard,” Miranda asserted in her trademark tone.  She flashed the hint of a smile and continued, “The residents aren’t being paid enough for you to harass them.”

Shepard’s eyes flicked over to the three aliens who’d been tending to her just moments before.  They were now speaking nervously with the doctor, who muttered something about tests they needed to run followed by some other medical jargon that Shepard couldn’t decipher.  She did as her friend directed and eased herself back down onto her bed, offering a sheepish grin as she did so. “I feel like such an ass.”

“Don’t,” Dr. Michel chimed in as she approached the bed, and began to scan Shepard with her omni-tool, “You have been in a coma for almost a month.  It was expected that you would be agitated when you awoke, especially considering everything you’ve been through.”

Shepard’s chest swelled with something like gratitude.  A month .  She’d only been out for a month, and she had woken up in what she could now tell was Huerta Memorial under the care of a physician she trusted and one of her closest friends.  This was nothing like the last time she died. She looked up at Miranda and asked,“Had to put me back together again, I see?”

“I only helped this time,” Miranda explained as she worked to reconnect some of the IVs Shepard had ripped out, “Dr. Michel contacted me a few weeks ago for a consultation about your cybernetic augmentation.  I was already on the Citadel, so I came in person to oversee the repairs.”

“Is everything working?”

“Mostly,” Miranda shrugged, “Not quite up to specifications, but your injuries are still healing. With time, you should be fine.”

“And hopefully far away from any more life-threatening battles, yes,” remarked Michel, moving to a terminal near the wall and transferring data collected from her omni-tool scans.

Shepard let out a huff, and let herself recline onto the bed, walls crumbling away at the comforting conversation.  She took a breath and let her eyes flutter closed for just a minute, and said, “If I can. If the galaxy will let me.”

“The galaxy’s going to have to,” announced an unmistakable voice from the door, and Shepard bolted upright to face it.  To face him .

She hadn’t even heard the door open, and yet there stood her turian, with all that easy confidence he’d always carried himself with and a bouquet of indistinguishable gift shop flowers in each hand.  Her pulse jumped, a fact the vitals monitor in the corner was quick to inform her and everyone in the room about. She would never live that one down.

“Garrus!”

“Is that cardiac arrest—“ he motioned toward the screen with one of the bouquets— “Or, uh… are you just happy to see me?”

Shepard just rolled her eyes, unable to stop the grin that twitched at the corners of her mouth as he sauntered up to the bedside.

“I wasn’t sure which you’d like better,” Garrus explained, glancing with uncertainty between the flowers in each hand, “So I got both.  There’s also some chocolate and a few books of hanar poetry back at the gift shop if you just absolutely hate the flowers. I can run back down and—“

She laughed and shook her head at him. “They’re perfect.”

“Are you sure?” He examined each bouquet again.  “You might need the poetry to bore you back into a coma.”

“I thought that anthology was quite beautiful and romantic, myself,” Michel remarked, amused.  She approached Shepard again and administered something that relieved the throbbing pain in her head she’d barely noticed in all the commotion. “There, that should keep you comfortable for a time. I will come and check on you in a  few hours ”

“I’ll be going as well,” Miranda said, eyeing Shepard and Garrus knowingly. “Call me if you need anything.”

She turned to follow the doctor out of the room but stopped and looked over her shoulder. “Oh, and Shepard?  I’m glad we got to see each other again “

Shepard nodded. “So am I.”

With that Miranda left the room, the door sliding shut behind her.  Shepard turned her gaze up to Garrus who was already looking at her, pale eyes scanning every inch of her face intently.  His mandibles twitched and flared in the very specific way they always did when he was agitated or worried.  He shook his head, discarded both bundles of flowers onto the nearby bedside table, and sat down on the edge of the bed next to her, staring off at the wall in silence.

“Shepard I— I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up,” he said finally, turning to look at her and placing a hand on her leg, “I’d just gone to get some air…I didn’t want you to be alone.”

“It’s okay,” she reassured him, reaching for his hand and wondering just how many sleepless hours he’d sat by her bed waiting for her to come to. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers, lingering there for several long moments.  She brought a hand up to trace the rough ridges of scarring along the right side of his face.  His eyes fluttered closed at the touch, and he let out a heavy sigh, as if she’d lifted some invisible weight off of him with just the tips of her fingers.

“You know,” she spoke up, breaking the powerful silence between them, “I think I finally have some scars that’ll give you a run for your credits.”

Garrus laughed, but it was quiet—almost sad— and he pulled back to examine her.

“How bad is it,” she asked, “There aren’t any mirrors in here.”

He laughed again, this time with more enthusiasm. “Hell, Shepard, I don’t know. You always were ugly, so it’s hard for me to say.”

“Okay,” she admitted with a smirk, “I had that one coming.”

The room went quiet again, with the exception of the buzzing and whirring of the equipment around them.  It wasn’t uncomfortable, though— nothing had ever been uncomfortable with Garrus— but it was heavy with unspoken pain and unasked questions for which Shepard wasn’t sure she wanted answers.

“How’s everyone else,” she ventured.

“Recovering,” he answered with a sigh, “Joker tried to outrun the blast, but even the Normandy wasn’t quick enough.  Crash landed on some human colony world. Everyone made it except—“

“EDI,” she said, name bitter on her tongue. She’d hoped the catalyst had been lying about the Crucible’s effect on synthetic life.

“Yes… how did you—“

This time, she was not able to dam up the wave of emotions that crashed into her.  Tears rushed to her eyes, shame and remorse tightening her chest like a vice. She was a soldier, and she knew that sacrifices won wars, but that did not make it any easier.

“It’s a long story,” she said with a sniff, looking away from him and attempting to wipe away the tears before he could see them, as if he hadn’t already.

“Well—” Garrus reached out and grabbed her chin, gently, giving it a tug until she brought her gaze back to him. “It’s a good thing I cleared my afternoon schedule, then. Tell me everything.”

And so she did. With a shaky voice, she recounted everything that happened from the time she called the evac for Garrus and Liara to the moment she was struck by the Crucible’s blast.  She told him about The Illusive Man, Anderson, the Catalyst who wore Kaidan’s face, and the impossible choice she was given.  He listened to every word, offered her his hand, and didn’t complain as her grip grew tighter and tighter with each devastating revelation.

When she was finished, eyes swollen and head throbbing, she looked at him and said, “I fucked up, Garrus. I had a chance to save EDI and the geth, but I just… couldn’t do it.  I was so angry and… scared , and—“

“Shepard,” Garrus interrupted her, laughing and shaking his head.

“What?”

“You’re about the only person I know who could save the whole damn galaxy and feel guilty because you didn’t save it better.”

“My life isn’t worth more than EDI’s was, and it definitely isn’t more important than the entire geth race,” Shepard argued.

Garrus blinked back at her a few times, then responded.  “It is to me.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but the words didn’t come, so she clamped it shut and frowned.  Her entire argument fell apart in the wake of his blunt confession. How the hell was she supposed to respond to something like that?

“It was selfish,” she finally managed past the lump in her throat, “It was genocide.”

“Maybe,” he answered, firmly, “Maybe not. We have no way of knowing that anything the Catalyst told you was true.”

“Why would it lie?”

“I don’t know, maybe to save it’s own ass?”  His words were pointed but not directed to her.  “It was clearly trying to get in your head, Shepard, using Alenko like that.”

“But—”

“No,” he snapped, “You made the right call, and no one is going to fault you for it except you.”

“ Garrus …” she began, but trailed off when she noticed him looking down at their intertwined fingers, shaking his head and seeming to struggle with his emotions.

When he spoke up, his voice was hoarse.  “You’ll forgive me if I say I don’t think you owe anyone—not EDI, not the geth, not the Alliance, not the rest of the galaxy— any more than you’ve already given.”

He paused for a beat, then added in a lighter tone, “Except me. You owe me a long retirement on your fancy Alliance pension.”

Shepard snorted out a laugh, despite everything, and reached up to take his face in her hands.  She pulled him closer to her, just so that she could press a kiss against the side of his mouth.

“I’ll think about it,” she whispered.

Just as they pulled apart, the door opened and they both turned to see who had entered. Dr. Michel stood at the threshold smiling at them apologetically.  “I am sorry for the interruption, but—”

“Someone tell Garrus to quit hogging the Commander,” complained an all too familiar voice as he pushed past the doctor and into the room. “The rest of us have been waiting just as long as he has.”

“Joker,” Shepard exclaimed, nearly jumping up out of the bed to greet him.

“The one and only,” he said proudly then held up a small plastic crate to show her, “And I brought you something.  Basically had to wrestle the Alliance brass for it when they declared you dead.”

“What—,” she asked as she squinted at the box, noticing movement in the corner, “Is that my hamster?”

He sat the container down carefully on the table next to the flowers Garrus had tossed aside,  “It’s not two bouquets of useless flowers or anything, but, well…you know.”

“We can’t all be as romantic as you,” Garrus said sarcastically as he stood up and stepped away from the bed, allowing the other man space to approach Shepard.

“Thank you, Joker,” Shepard said with a nod as she sat up in the bed, “And about EDI, I—“

He cut her off with the shake of his head, clearly not ready to discuss it. “Not your fault, Commander.”

Shepard just nodded, sorry, but not wanting to force the issue.  Joker puffed his chest out and saluted her, just as more commotion rang out from the door.  She darted her eyes across the room again to see the flood of other people pouring in from the hallway.

Ash was the first to rush to the bedside, throwing appropriate Alliance protocol out the window as she threw her arms unceremoniously around Shepard.  The embrace was firm, but not so forceful that it caused her aching body any extra pain, and when Ash pulled away, Shepard could see the tears glistening in her eyes. She stiffened up and saluted just as Joker had done, and said “Ma’am.”

Much to Shepard’s surprise, Ash then approached Garrus and embraced him briefly as well, pulling away and then giving him a pat on the arm.

The others followed suit after that, offering words of gratitude that she had saved the galaxy, and relief that she’d managed to pull through.  Tali and Liara had followed Ash’s example and hugged her.  The others didn’t but greeted her with enthusiasm all the same.  Vega mentioned how “epic” it was when the fleet realized she’d made it to the Citadel and got the arms opened while Traynor and Cortez nodded along.  Javik, in his typical fashion stood quietly in the corner but nodded at her with a look of admiration she had yet to see from the Prothean.  Dr. Chakwas and the crew from engineering squeezed themselves in the now cramped space as well. Chakwas approached the bed and gave Shepard’s hand a firm squeeze.

Humbling was not a strong enough word to describe the experience of seeing everyone who’d been on the Normandy with her in that final journey to Earth gathered around celebrating her survival.  They had all meant so much to her, and only now did she realize that she’d meant the same to them.

She’d grown accustomed to being a sole survivor, watching her own back and carrying on alone with each of her mistakes strapped to her shoulders.  She was used to blaming herself with the voices of those she lost, of nightmares and flashbacks and consoling herself back to sleep in the middle of the night.  She had trained herself to be numb because she could not bear feeling guilty.

Now, she didn’t have to.  For the first time in as long as she could remember, she had people who cared about her, people who she trusted, and they had survived. For the first time, she wasn’t alone with her grief and she didn’t have to be numb.  She had friends who would hold her together while she sorted herself out, just as she had done for each and every one of them.

“You okay,” Garrus asked as he approached the bedside again, letting a hand tousle her hair gently before falling to her shoulder.

“Yeah.” She nodded and glanced around the room slowly, taking it all in. “I really actually am.”

#mass effect #mass effect legendary edition #garrus vakarian #femshep #shakarian #angst #hurt/comfort #fanfic #my writing

[miniature-space-hamster]

Merweek Day Five: We Are Family

Karina Shepard is finally released from the hospital after the battle of London, and Kaidan brings her to his family home in Vancouver, where she meets his parents for the first time.

“Kaidan…” Shepard’s eyes focusing on the blur of pine that seemed to stretch endlessly from her view in the skycar, her voice sounded distant. A growing tightness filled her chest. “Are your parents going to like me?” She paused, already sounding somewhat defeated, resisting the urge to start picking at newly painted nails. She brought a finger to her mouth, seconds from chewing before stopping herself. She needed something to distract her from their destination. There was only about fifteen minutes left until they were at Kaidan’s family home.

Without breaking eye contact from the road, Kaidan gave her a crooked smile and raised eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t they, Karina?” She always seemed to surprise him with questions like this. She could face a Reaper on foot without flinching, but the thought of meeting his mother was what she worried about.

Karina wasn’t sure where to start, she sighed sharply before speaking but the noise got lost in the hum of the engines. “I mean… we were sleeping together when I was still your CO, for starters. We stole the Normandy and committed treason. Not to mention I’m the reason you got tangled with Cerberus…” She took a breath, but it didn’t feel deep enough. “How much do they even know?”

“I told my mother we were together after our date at Apollo’s.” He kept his words plain, clearly code for they didn’t know anything prior. At least no more than the average civilian.

Karina nodded, remembering Apollo’s with a slight smile threatening at the corner of tightly pulled lips. It was the closest they’ve ever gotten to normalcy during the war. A taste, albeit brief, of what was to come after the Reaper’s defeat. Kaidan was so awkward and vulnerable as he fumbled through his words. It was cute.

She finally ripped her gaze from the scenery, turning to Kaidan. “Speaking of Apollo’s, depending on how this goes I might need another sanity check.” There was a slight laugh at the end of her words, but it was strained. She tapped the door with her nails, desperately in search of stimuli to ease her anxiety. “I haven’t done anything family related in over a decade.”

Kaidan drove with one hand, reaching out for her thigh with the other and squeezed. Karina took his hand into hers before she even realized it. She focused on the strong, calloused fingers interlocked with her own. She let her free hand trace the familiar shape of his knuckles.

Kaidan knew this was going to be hard for her. She no longer had a family to call her own after Mindoir. Though he knew nothing could replace that, he wanted to at least make her feel at home with his own family.

They pulled into a driveway, past the forest of dense pine that finally brought the distant orchard into view. This was the first time he’s been home since the war. Kaidan was barely holding back a smile as he finally turned to Karina. “We’ll be fine, don’t worry. It’ll just be for the weekend.”

He hopped out of the car and made his way to Karina’s side, helping her out and grabbing her cane from the back seat, hesitating for a moment before considering getting the wheelchair in the trunk. “Are you good to walk?”

Karina gave him a slight nod, “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

Kaidan sighed quietly, knowing that didn’t answer his question. She always said she was fine, regardless of whether it was true or not. He looked her up and down, trying to assess the situation himself before nodding and grabbing the cane.

The doctors didn’t expect her to be able to walk so soon after her injuries, and all the surgeries that followed the battle at London. She still struggled though. At times it was like her legs had forgotten how to keep her up. But she was out of the hospital now, and that on its own felt like a victory

Kaidan offered Karina his arm, which she took with her free hand in equal parts comfort and support. She took a shaky breath when Kaidan rang the doorbell. The chime echoed through the house as she heard frantic steps shuffling towards the door.

They were greeted by a small, silver haired woman who barely made it to Karina’s chest. Her eyes lit up behind thick, black frames when she saw Kaidan. He had to lean over as she smiled and pulled him into a tight hug. It was clear Kaidan got his eyes and smile from his mother. She patted his back several times before she pulled away and turned towards Karina.

“It’s so good to finally meet you.” She pulled Karina in for a hug just as she did for Kaidan, without warning, as if she’d known her for years. Karina felt her muscles tensing up, not expecting such sudden contact. She could count on one Turian hand how many people hug her like this. Several moments passed until she returned the embrace with unsure arms. His mother soon after released, much to Karina’s relief. “Hope the trip wasn’t too bad.”

“We didn’t have any trouble.” Kaidan cut in, noticing that Karina looked more than a little overwhelmed. He took half a step in her direction, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Karina leaned against him, desperately hoping the attention could be shifted away from her.

It was then Karina saw movement from the hallway headed in their direction. A white haired man who looked almost exactly like Kaidan stepped out.

He walked with such purpose, though it was clear he walked on old injuries that never quite healed right. Despite this, he still carried the posture of someone who served. Karina felt her own posture stiffen reflexively, suddenly feeling like she was a new recruit awaiting inspection all over again. The man stayed silent as he approached, not breaking eye contact.

Kaidan pulled his father in for a hug, neither saying a word. Kaidan’s arms shook slightly. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever see his father again after the reaper war when he was declared missing.

Kaidan retracted before making introductions. “Dad, this is Karina.”

She received a firm handshake from the man. His posture was stiff and awkward as he extended his hand. He clearly didn’t know how to address her, but the feeling was mutual.

Introductions felt like a blur that Karina wasn’t fully present for. Her mind kept drifting off before being pulled back by key words in the conversation. She was never good with small talk, and something about her surroundings kept bringing her mind back to Mindoir, and her own parents.

Luckily, Kaidan and his mother carried the conversation with relative ease. She was updating him about their family. A cousin, as far as Karina could tell. She struggled to keep up with the names.

Karina continued to sip on the wine presented in silence, letting the flavor keep her anchored in the moment. It was a dry red wine, but she couldn’t figure out what kind and felt too awkward to interrupt and ask.

And then the one question she was dreading hit like a bullet to the chest.

“So how’s your family doing, Karina?”

It was a simple enough question, from a well meaning woman who didn’t want to exclude company from conversation, but it required a far more complex answer.

She swallowed hard as she looked over to Kaidan, who looked a shade paler than he did before as he met her gaze. He was seconds from trying to intercept the conversation, before Karina put a hand on his. She knew she’d have to talk about it eventually.

“Oh, I don’t have any family.” It was simple enough, and shut the conversation down before it got too deep. She wasn’t prepared to drop her baggage on a family she hadn’t even gotten the chance to fully know yet.

Karina thought she should feel her pulse rising in her throat by now, but the sensation didn’t come. The ache was a dull one, faded by a decade's time. She quietly pushed the feeling down, shifting the collar of her turtleneck sweater. She silently cleared her throat before changing the subject.

“This wine is lovely. Did it come from this orchard?”

~~

Karina found herself in Kaidan’s childhood bed as the night came to a close, both drained from the combination of wine and late night conversation, but neither could find sleep quite yet. Karina looked around the room decorated in hockey sticks and trophies. It looked like it hadn’t been touched since Kaidan joined the Alliance.

Kaidan caressed her cheek with delicate precision, kissing her temple before speaking. “How’re you feeling? Still need that sanity check?”

Karina leaned against the man at her side, letting her head fall against his shoulder. “Oddly enough, I’m feeling okay.” She paused for a moment, fighting the exhaustion to get the words out. “It’s weird though.”

Kaidan leaned his head against hers. The arm wrapped around her tightening with concern. “How so?”

She sighed. “Just thinking about my own family, I guess. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to.”

He squeezed her shoulder as he kissed the crown of her head, “Time has a way of doing that, huh?”

She wrapped her arms around his waist in response, holding back a yawn. “It’s like I’m almost missing the feeling of loss, because at least there was something there. Y’know?”

Kaidan nodded thoughtfully before planting another kiss, this time more tender as it barely grazed her scalp. “It wasn’t the family you were born with, but I think you managed to find your own family in the time since. You have the old Normandy crew.”

Karina nodded as she began to recline more on the bed, feeling the exhaustion finally begin to overcome her. Kaidan matched her pace, finding their usual position on an unfamiliar bed. Karina let her legs graze his own before they tangled themselves into one another.

“Maybe one day you’ll feel that way here?” Kaidan offered with a low voice, looking at the ceiling as he held Karina close to his side.

Karina pulled herself in closer, until their bodies were flush and her head rested on his chest, nuzzling before finding her usual spot. “I think I’d like that.”

#merweek2021 #mass effect #mass effect fanfiction #shenko #fshenko #kaidan alenko #commander shepard #Karina Shepard

[theoriginalladya]

A Constant Wish

A Constant Wish

Summary:  An anniversary, but not of the enjoyable kind. Nine years on, and Commander Shepard is still dealing with the fallout from Akuze. It's up to Kaidan Alenko to guide him through it.

Tags: Sole Survivor, survivor’s guilt, death, grief, Akuze, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, mshenko

Characters: Caleb Shepard, Kaidan Alenko

NOTE: Four years ago today, my mother lost her battle with cancer. Today, even though I knew the date in my head, it didn't connect until my youngest brother mentioned something in our family text chat. It hit me like a ton of bricks, just as it did then. I've learned to move on, to keep going, to keep living, but this day each year is always the hardest fucking day to get through. And so I wrote this with her in mind for my Caleb Shepard who has his own ghosts to deal with.

Love you, Mom.

A daily thought, a silent tear, A constant wish that you were here

~~~~

Kaidan wakes suddenly, inexplicably, to darkness and the sense that something isn’t quite right.  Not a nightmare, not someone waking him with a touch or a sound, but that unerring feeling that something is just… off.  It isn’t panic so much as a general unease, but he’s used to listening to his gut these days; it’s saved his life or that of a squadmate or even Shepard himself more than once.  

Shepard.

Rolling over, he discovers the bed is empty but for him.  That sends his heart racing faster than he expects and he nearly falls face first to the floor as he scrambles out from beneath the covers.  The time it takes to yank on his sweats and a t-shirt seems an eternity, but he is fully aware thanks to the cold flooring beneath bare feet.  

A thorough search of the upper part of the apartment finds nothing out of the ordinary.  The side note to that is he also fails to locate Shepard.  Granted, he still has half the apartment to investigate, but the fact he cannot find a recent trace of his presence is a bit disconcerting.

He descends to the lower level and begins by checking the back room.  Empty. Next, the living room and the bar. Also, empty.  The lights in the kitchen are dim, just the way they left them when they headed upstairs after dinner.  Still no sign of the man.  

Kaidan tacks his way across to the opposite set of stairs to head back up – maybe he missed him in passing?  As he walks past the hall branching off to his right into the den, habit has him glancing that direction.  In front of the faint flickering fire light, he catches a silhouette; a familiar shape seated at the poker table, hunched over, glass in hand. Unease morphs to concern and curiosity, and he pads down the hallway, calling out softly as he reaches the doorway, “Shepard?  You okay?”

The silhouette jerks suddenly as if startled, then relaxes with an exhale of breath.  “I’m fine, mo ghrá.”

Kaidan takes the response as an invitation to join him, and he slides into a seat at the table.  “Drinking alone?  In the dark? Gonna have to do a better job of convincing me you’re fine,” he challenges, albeit gently.

Shepard huffs; a soft sound and one nearly drowned out by the pop and crackle of the fire.  He sets the glass on the table, rises to his feet, and walks over to the small bar in the corner.  Within moments, he returns with a bottle and a second glass.  This he fills and pushes towards Kaidan, then tops off his own before reclaiming his seat.  “Not alone now, am I?” he asks, setting the bottle down with a heavy thud next to what look to be four playing cards.  

From his position and in the dimly lit room, Kaidan can’t tell which ones they are.  However, knowing Shepard as he does, he can guess their purpose.  Why are you down here drinking and doing card readings in the darkest hours of the night?

Taking the glass in both hands, he pulls it close but does not drink just yet.  Before anything else, he wants, needs, some answers.  “What are we drinking to?”

“Not what,” Shepard declares, blue eyes piercing through the dark to meet Kaidan’s as he lifts his head, “who.”

Kaidan acquiesces with a slight cant of his head. “All right.  Who?”

Shepard lifts his glass in salute.  “Sergeant Angela Nevarra.”

Kaidan frowns.  The name sounds hazily familiar; he’s heard it before but cannot place it.

“Sergeants Carter, Evans and Decatur,” Shepard continues, clearly not expecting a response.  “Corporals Harris, Simmons, Grassini, Aoki, and Meijer.  Malik, Masterson, Owens, Jenson, Weston, Alvarez…”

Kaidan listens in silence but keeps his eyes on Shepard’s face as he continues to list them off.  As the list gets longer, comprehension dawns.  Shepard stops reciting names at forty-eight and the quiet surrounds them again.  Cautiously, Kaidan asks quietly about one name that was not mentioned.  “What about Toombs?”

“Toombs.”

There is a hint of brutality in the way Shepard says the name which Kaidan doesn’t quite understand.  For everyone else associated with Akuze, there is a fondness, a reverence almost in the way their former commander speaks of them, but with Toombs, it’s different.  “That’s his name, isn’t it?  The one we ran into on Ontarom?  Back –”

Shepard tosses back the last of his whiskey, swallows it in a large gulp, and shakes his head sharply once.  “Aye, I remember.”  He slams the glass onto the table with enough force the platform quakes for a moment.  “Heard from him last year, did I ever tell you?”

It’s a rhetorical question, but Kaidan shakes his head anyway.  The time they’ve spent together since his recovery, since the war began, they’ve avoided the more… controversial topics.  Not that Kaidan blames him for not bringing it up; it’s probably just as well.

With a soft snort, Shepard grabs the bottle and pours another two-fingers worth of whiskey.  This is the third drink Kaidan is aware of, and he can’t help but wonder how many Shepard drank when he was alone, before Kaidan found him. 

Their eyes meet again, and the look in them… Well, Kaidan understands now just why the man’s name in Irish is sealgaire, the hunter.  It’s all Kaidan can do to hold his ground.  And, that is knowing that the look isn’t directed at him.

Shepard’s scowl is dark and foreboding as he tosses back this drink, and there is a vehemence in his voice Kaidan has only heard maybe twice since he’s known him.  “Threaten me without knowing what happened?” the commander bites out.  “Briseadh agus brú ar do chnámha!  Go hifreann leat!”**

Kaidan reacts immediately, reaching forward and prying the glass from Shepard’s long fingers.  “Okay, Shepard, that’s enough.  I’m calling time for the night.”

Shepard struggles momentarily, apparently not satisfied, but a moment later releases his hold.  Sighing heavily, he covers his face with his hands.  “Tá brón orm,”**

Kaidan pushes the glasses and bottle across the table and out of easy reach and moves to crouch beside him.  “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Shepard’s hands drop away, and when the blue eyes meet his again, Kaidan recognizes the truth.  His mother once told him that if an Irish man or woman expressed true sorrow for something, there would be matching sadness in their eyes.  The sheer magnitude of the sorrow he sees in Shepard’s gaze just now is enough to level the Reapers and end the war three weeks ago, he thinks.  He reaches over and runs a hand along Shepard’s cheek in a gentle caress of understanding. “Hey.”  

Shepard leans into the touch, eyes closing.  When they open again the sorrow still lingers, but not with the same intensity.  Without the glass before him to toy with, he reaches for the playing cards lying face up. “D’you see these?”

Kaidan spares them a glance, tilting his head to get a better look.  “Did you do another reading?”

“Aye,” Shepard agrees, “but not tonight.  These…  This was my reading that night.  On Akuze, before the attack.”

Past – Two of Spades.

Present – Ten of Spades.

Future – King of Clubs.

Crossing Present – Ten of Diamonds.

None of it makes much sense to Kaidan – it never has – so he looks expectantly at Shepard.  When he remains silent, Kaidan asks, “What did they tell you?”

Shepard pauses for a moment, turning his head to look straight at Kaidan.  “That my world was going to go all to hell once again, but that this time, on the other side, I would find a path to my future…”

Kaidan looks at the cards again.  He recognizes the King of Clubs – it comes up often in Shepard’s readings, though Kaidan isn’t aware of any special attachment to it. The rest he can’t tell of he’s seen in readings before or not.  Shepard’s hand flops onto Kaidan’s shoulder, his fingers toying with his hair near his collar.  When Kaidan smiles back, Shepard’s eyes flare with an intensity that might be unsettling under other circumstances, but thanks to recent events in their lives, he has a much better idea of how to deal with.  

Rising to his feet, he sighs.  Any further explanation on the cards can wait until the man is sober again.  “Come on, we need to get you back to bed, I think.”

Shepard follows without comment or question, and, surprisingly, without stumbling.  When they reach the stairs, Shepard surprises Kaidan by sliding his arms around his waist and hugging close to his back, resting his head on his shoulder.  “You understand, aye?”

Already a step above the man, Kaidan stops and half turns to face him.  The question is very open-ended and he cannot miss the obvious pain.  It isn’t difficult to guess what he is referencing. “About Cerberus?”  Shepard nods.  Sighing softly, Kaidan wraps one arm over Shepard’s at his waist, and tilts his head close enough to ghost a quick kiss across his lips.  “Do you honestly think I would be here now if I didn’t?”

Shepard’s face screws up in confusion for a moment, an endearing look Kaidan doubts the commander would ever agree with if he is made aware of it, so Kaidan keeps the observation to himself.  Running his free hand over Shepard’s cheek again, he clarifies quietly, “Yes, mo shearc,** I understand.  You are not them; you never were.”

Hope wars with uncertainty behind those blue eyes; it’s strange to see Shepard this vulnerable, and a little disconcerting.  How much is the drink and how much just… is?

“You really believe that?”

Kaidan nods.  “Aye, I do,” he replies, echoing Shepard’s usual response and leaning in for another kiss. “Now, come on.  You need to sleep this off.  We can talk more about it later if you like.”  Though, as they ascend the stairs together, he is pretty certain it won’t ever come up again anytime soon.  Perhaps this time next year, but not before.  At least now, Kaidan is prepared.

~~~~ 

** mo ghrá = my love

** Briseadh agus brú ar do chnámha!  =  A breaking and crushing on your bones!

**Go hifreann leat! = To hell with you!

** Tá brón orm = I’m sorry

** mo shearc = my love

#A Constant Wish #Ladya writes #Caleb Shepard #mShenko #Kaidan Alenko #tw: grief #tw: death #Sole Survivor #survivor's guilt #emotional hurt/comfort #Akuze #angst #mass effect fanfiction

[jorvach]

Been using the Take Notes - Journal of the Dragonborn mod for Skyrim to, well, take notes in an ingame journal for a kinda-sorta fanfic. Here’s what I have so far, plus some screenshots to set the mood.

---1. Some Life Experience--- Master Drogolf has sent me all the way to Riften to pick up some kind of magic crystal! He wouldn't tell me what it's for, but I'm sure it's important... though not important enough for him to go in person. When I asked about that, he said it'll be a chance for me to explore the real world a bit, rather than just sitting around in the tower in Helgen and reading about it.

I can't argue with that, so I'm off! First stop, Riverwood!

---2. City on a Hill--- Riverwood was a pleasant little village, and the people were friendly, but I didn't stay long, being excited about seeing the big city for the first time! Whiterun sits atop a great hill rising up from the plains, painting a breathtaking picture! The Jarl's palace, Dragonsreach is at the very top, looking down on the city. The stories say the dragon Numinex was held captive in that very building... How I wish he was still there, I've always wanted to speak to a dragon! Sadly, they're all extinct. And then there's Jorrvaskr, mead hall of the legendary companions warrior band. This city is truly steeped in history! But before learning all about it, I should head to the local inn and get a hot meal!

---3. Journey to the East--- During my stay in Whiterun, I did some odd jobs for some of the citizens, earning me enough coin to prepare for the journey through Eastmarch, which is supposed to be far more dangerous than the area between Helgen and Whiterun. That much is true, for on the border between Whiterun Hold and Eastmarch stands Valtheim Towers, home to a small gang of bandits. Or I should say, -was- home to bandits. As soon as my spells felled their leader, the rest of them fled into the hills, leaving the main road to the east a safer route... for now.

It's getting late, so I should find a place to rest. Perhaps that ruined tower set into the mountainside.

---4. Kaidan--- The tower turned out to be some kind of hideout for the Thalmor! Fortunately, it seems to have been almost abandoned, as there were only two of them inside. Good thing, as I'm not sure I would've fared well against a full garrison of Justiciars! They also had a prisoner, a man named Kaidan. I freed him and helped him get his equipment back from the Thalmor, including a large Akaviri sword inscribed with some strangely familiar runes. For aiding him, Kaidan has offered to become my bodyguard to repay the debt. I tried to tell him he didn't owe me anything, but he wouldn't hear of it, and so I've earned myself a travelling companion! I shall have to ask him about the runes, but for now, I really need some rest!

---5. Inigo--- We've arrived in Riften at last! While renting a room at the nearest inn, the innkeeper said that she'd been asked to watch out for someone matching my description, then handed me a strange note asking to meet in Riften Jail... Weird. I'll look into it later, for now, I should meet with the court wizard and collect Master Drogolf's crystal. --- Terrible news! Wylandriah, Riften's court wizard, tells me that Drogolf's crystal has been stolen! I'd rather not return from my first real adventure having failed, so I'll try to find some clues as to who stole it, and where I might find them. Following up on the mysterious note from the inn seems as good a place to start as any. --- I met with the one who left the note, A Khajiit named Inigo. He seems to think he tried to murder me, which is why he turned himself in to the guards and has been wallowing in guilt ever since. I tried to tell him he was mistaken, but he wouldn't hear of it, and begged me to kill him. I refused, of course, but still, I couldn't find it in me to just leave the poor fellow to his despair, so I offered to let him join us in our travels, to make up for what he thinks he did. Kaidan didn't like it, but something tells me Inigo can be trusted. Time will tell if I'm right.

Unfortunately, he didn't know anything about the crystal. Back to square one.

---6. Lucien--- A priestess of Mara, Dinya, said she saw a shifty-looking man handing over something that "looked like a soul gem, but green" to a figure in a black cloak! From what Dinya overheard of their conversation, the cloaked person might be going to Falkreath! It's not much to go on, and I don't even know for sure if it's the right crystal, but it's all I have. Luckily, a merchant is leaving for Falkreath very soon, so we could hire on as guards and get to Falkreath quickly! --- We asked around at Falkreath's inn, but apparently, strangers clad in black are common here. No surprise, considering the famous graveyards in these parts. After a fruitless, day-long search, we took a room at the inn. The next morning, as we were having breakfast, we were approached by a pretty fancy-looking young man in even fancier clothes, who asked us if we could take him to Helgen. He wants to meet with my master, apparently. After finding out about my apprenticeship, he became very enthusiastic, and offered a large sum of gold to escort him there. Having no further clues, I suppose I'll have to return home empty-handed... hope the crystal wasn't too important.

---7. Black Wings--- Something horrible has happened! As we approached Helgen, we saw great plumes of smoke rising from the town, and then heard a terrible roar! And then, taking wing from within the walls, a massive beast with wings black as night! A Dragon! Helgen is ruined, burned to ash and razed by the might of the dragon. We couldn't find anyone left alive, and Master Drogolf's tower, the only home I've ever known, is nothing but rubble. We didn't even have time for a proper search, as the dragon flew off toward Riverwood. Inigo insists we must follow, to warn the townspeople of the danger, provided they haven't already been slaughtered too. As much as I would like to stay and mourn for my home, I knew he was right. --- We've each been dealing with the events at Helgen in our own way. Lucien has been borderline panicked ever since, and talks incessantly about anything and nothing to keep calm. Kaidan is even more silent and brooding than usual, and is constantly grasping his bow, watching the skies for any sign of the dragon. Inigo, bless him, has been trying to keep our spirits up with jokes and encouragement, but I can tell he's shaken up bad. And as for me, I alternate between grim determination and feeling like I'm a daze, like I'm only having a terrible nightmare.

---8. A favor for a Jarl--- Riverwood was, fortunately, not burned down. We continued on to Whiterun to warn the Jarl of the danger. Jarl Balgruuf seems a sensible man. When he heard our news about Helgen, he quickly commanded his Housecarl to send men to protect the other settlements in his hold. He also introduced us to his court wizard, a somewhat abrasive man named Farengar, who has been studying the history of dragons. He's asked us to delve into a ruin in the mountains above Riverwood, named Bleak Falls Barrow, in search of something called a Dragonstone, supposedly a map of ancient dragon burial sites. --- As people say, Bleak Falls Barrow is full of Draugr, undead monstrosities who patrol the halls and strike down intruders. Their eyes glowing in the dark chill my spine. What with that, and the destruction of Helgen, it'll be a miracle if I ever get a peaceful night's rest again! Unexpectedly, Inigo is also terrified of these undead, despite being an adventurer of great experience. Perhaps I'll ask him about it sometime. For now, we will continue into the dephts of the Barrow, to find the Dragonstone.

---9. The Word Wall--- We've found the Dragonstone! In a sealed tomb deep in the barrow, it rested in a sarcophagus with a powerful Draugr, perhaps their leader or something - if Draugr have any kind of hierarchy... Something weird happened when we approached the back of the tomb however. There's a wall with a bunch of ancient writing - a Word Wall, Kaidan called it. When I got closer, I heard strange chanting and saw some of writing glowing? And then it was as if the world went dark, save for that noise and light. When I came to, the Draugr had risen from it's sarcophagus and was fighting my friends! Fortunately, they slew it just as my eyes cleared, and they seem no worse for wear. I'm very confused about what happened to me, and the others are clearly concerned about it as well. Still, I feel fine for now, and we need to return the Dragonstone to Farengar. If I'm lucky, maybe he'll know something about the Word Wall too.

---10. Success Story--- We got the Dragonstone back to Whiterun, and were well rewarded. Farengar even promised to look into the incident at the Word Wall! I suppose I'll return to Dragonsreach and ask him about it later. For now though, Inigo's suggested we celebrate our success with a hot meal and a bottle of mead or two, so it's off to the Bannered Mare for that - and a good room for the night afterward! It feels like ages since I've slept in a warm bed! ---

#skyrim #tes5 #tesv #tes #the elder scrolls #fanfiction #fanfic #journal #kaidan 2 #skyrim kaidan #inigo the brave #inigo #skyrim inigo #lucien flavius #alindra #alduin #screenshots

[writtenjewels]

Escort part 5

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four

Kaidan was glad that John was just as new to all this as him. They'd been going out for two weeks now and were both still learning how it all worked. Kaidan's favorite part was their nightly vid-calls where they chatted about their day. John never talked about his job unless Kaidan asked, and he really didn't want to ask. Especially the question that kept plaguing his mind: did you 'prepare' for anyone tonight?

They were starting to be on more even footing when it came to asking each other out. John's choices were always interesting. He took them to an art history museum where a VI gave them a guided tour. Next he brought them to a bookstore with the task of finding something they liked to read and giving it to the other. After that they went to an arcade where they spent far too many credits trying to win each other prizes from the claw machine.

Not surprisingly, John was good at dating once he settled into it. And day by day, Kaidan could feel his emotions for John grow a little deeper.

He was walking around, lost in his own thoughts, when he passed by a hobby shop. He went over to take a closer look. There were starter paint sets, sewing kits, advertisements for music lessons, various 3D puzzles, and a row of models. Kaidan remembered John saying something about a model collection. He hoped he wasn't about to buy John a double as he picked out one of the models.

Was thinking of you and bought you something. Will give it to you on our next date.

It was the middle of the day so he was a little surprised to get a reply so quickly.

I'm curious, and I want to see you. Tonight?

He agreed and John asked him where they should meet. This was becoming the standard for them, leaving each other a lot of choices. Kaidan could feel his heart start to pound and he took a breath to try calming down.

It's something for your place.

He waited anxiously for the reply. It felt like it took longer than the first one. Finally the green light went off and Kaidan punched open the message. Just as he expected: John was inviting him over. This shouldn't be a big deal. They'd been dating for two weeks now; he should at least see where John lived. But so far Kaidan had been avoiding it, like he was afraid he would stumble on evidence of one of John's clients.

Will be there at 1830 hours.

Kaidan put on an outfit similar to the one he wore when they went to the club. Fighting his nerves, he took a taxi to the address John gave him and headed up to the apartment. John answered the door after the first knock. Kaidan was caught completely by surprise seeing John not wearing his usual tight clothing. So this is you in casual clothes, Kaidan noted, eyes sweeping over the hoodie and worn trousers. John always looked great but this was Kaidan's favorite outfit instantly.

“I feel over-dressed,” Kaidan remarked.

“I can go change.”

“No, I like seeing you this way. You look good.” John gave him a smile. “Anyway,” Kaidan resumed, “I bought you this.” He held out the box.

“Wow, I don't have this one,” John gasped in delight. He leaned in to give Kaidan a grateful peck on the mouth. “Come in. I've got to find a good spot for it.”

Okay, here we go. Kaidan stepped over the threshold. The place was about the same size as Kaidan's place, though the furniture looked a lot nicer. He noted a few art pieces on the walls and, amusingly, Blasto movie posters. The living area and kitchen took up one room but there were three others. John headed to one of them and Kaidan followed. This turned out to be an office space with a desk and a wall dedicated to John's models. Most of them were spaceships but there were some land rovers and skycars as well.

“Is that the Mars rover?” Kaidan asked.

“Yep. Pretty cool, huh?”

“Space nerd,” Kaidan declared fondly. John chuckled and cleared a space for his new model. Kaidan took a polite look around. “And there's Aldrin,” he noted, walking over to the cage. The little hamster scurried out of its nest, lifting up on its hind paws to observe the newcomer. “He's so cute.”

“Don't get too close,” John warned teasingly. His hand lightly rested on Kaidan's hip. “I have him trained to claw intruders' eyes out.”

“Really?” Kaidan hoped his voice sounded calm. He tried not to make any sudden moves in case the shift caused John to remove his hand. Just to make sure, Kaidan rested his hand on top. “How did you train him to do that?”

“A lot of treats and very tiny practice dummies.” Kaidan laughed and leaned against John's body. He felt around until he found John's other hand and moved it so both were wrapped around Kaidan.

That fear of finding something from a client here was ridiculous. John told him that he never got personal with them, so why would he invite one into his apartment? It was just an excuse, something Kaidan used to try holding back what he was feeling toward John. He tilted his head back to rest it on John's shoulder. Warm lips pressed against his throat, starting at the jawline and going slowly down to his shoulder.

“John,” he sighed.

“Thank you for the gift,” John mumbled. His lips worked against the flesh, making Kaidan shiver. “Never really had someone get me a present before.” Kaidan hummed in answer and closed his eyes to enjoy John's attention. It felt so good.

“Couch?” he suggested in a husky voice. This time it was John who gave the answering hum. Kaidan linked their hands together and walked with John over to the living area. They had agreed to figure this part out together but so far hadn't done anything more heated than kisses on the neck.

They sat down and John stared at him with smoldering eyes, a hand resting on the back of Kaidan's neck. He leaned in and pressed his lips against John's throat. The man instantly tilted his head back for more.

“You really like this,” Kaidan observed.

“Yes. I, ah...” John's fingers pushed through Kaidan's hair. “Will you... stay... for dinner?”

“Mmn, sure. Where are we going?”

“N-no, I...” John took in a shaky breath, shuddering as Kaidan mouthed his Adam's apple. “We're.. staying in. I... I wanted to... make you something. You said you... like steak sandwiches...?”

“I do.” He felt both of John's hands in his hair now, like that grip was all that kept John from falling to pieces. Damn, he really liked attention to his neck. Kaidan moved a little lower to the exposed skin of John's collar. “You going to cook steak?”

“No.” Kaidan felt the constriction of John's throat when he swallowed. “Bought it already cooked.” In a way, Kaidan liked that more. He didn't feel like John was trying to impress him or sweep him away with a grand gesture. Just something simple and sweet.

“I'm not hungry right now,” Kaidan told him, lifting his head up to look at John. The man's face was flushed, his eyes glassy, his lips parted invitingly. He pushed away the thoughts of John's clients seeing him like this. Dwelling on past lovers wasn't fair. Kaidan kissed John, sliding his tongue inside that warm mouth. John's answering tongue was almost tentative.

“Kaidan,” the man breathed. “Shit.” His fingers gripped a little tighter in Kaidan's hair and he trembled. Kaidan could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he rested a hand on John's knee. Slowly he slid the hand up John's thigh. John groaned and shifted closer, settling his weight in Kaidan's lap. “I know,” John gasped out. “Slower. I'm trying.”

“It's okay.” Kaidan rested his hands on John's hips to keep the man from moving away. “I'm just surprised that a model is what does it for you.”

“Some day I'll find your weakness, too,” John warned with a grin.

“Steak sandwiches are a good start.” You, he thought, resting his hand on the back of John's head and pulling him forward for another kiss. It's you, John Shepard.

#kaidan x shepard #kaidan alenko #mshenko #mshepard #au

[nothisis-ridiculous]

Take Me Home Now: Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten: Another Mother's Breakin'

Set after the events of ME3.

A rewrite. Ao3.

FemShepxKaidan

"Jane."

The recruit let the knocking go on for a third round, slowly shaking herself from the rickety cot. While these digs were nothing as fancy as the bunk back at the mall, the privacy was a paradise. Blank, dull, metal-lined walls were a price she was willing to pay over the colorful and plant-lined walls of the barracks. The humming noise of life rebuilding, no she belonged in the silence.

"Jane." This time her name was a statement, backed by a hint of threat.

"Just a moment," she groaned, rubbing the crust from the inner corners of her eyes, pushing sore muscles upright and forcing a shirt over her head but allowing it to fall at its own pace. Her pupils narrowed at the sudden influx of light filling her half of the crate, "morning?"

Helen looked her up and down, that damned frown a returning friend, "you should put a comb through that hair."

"For fuck's sa-"

The woman made a sudden jerk, but it stopped with a simple raising of her arm, brushing aside a fallen lash, "language, dear."

"Sorry," Jane's eyebrows narrowed, had she forgotten she was not a child, "why are you here?"

"Because we are going out."

"Don't I have three more days?" Jane returned.

The older woman in a rare admittance of defeat sighed, offering back a raised eyebrow, "you're well aware that was a ruse."

"I knew it!" she didn't.

"Yes, let's be proud that you are stubborn as they warned," Helen retorted with a hint of a smirk, "but you should be ready. I'm not going to let you slide and get breakfast, either!"

Yes, this encampment was a military installment, but it gave no reason to ready herself with the rest of the soldiers. Since Rahna had given up on her she did little to get out of her bunk. So far, her secret remained, but pushing it by becoming a regular around camp seemed too big of a risk. Evelyn gave her some reason to get out, but the kid quickly found friends. Within days she was no longer needed, though the shit still visited at least once a day that prodded her into some form of semblance. The lack of duties cemented her decision to remain secluded, bidding her time with the running videos in her head.

"So why me?" Jane pressed once they cleared the base by a few thousand meters, pulling the ration bar from her mouth.

The woman's dark eyes turned cross, "and don't you waste those rations."

"You'll never want them again after fresh produce," Jane murmured, swallowing down the bland brick of nutrition in three bites.

"The second reason for coming out here," Helen handed over a pistol, "fresh meat and pest removal."

"You know, someplace on Illium would sell Varren skewers as a delicacy," Jane overlooked the pistol with a grin, "man, could that krogan grill up a mean varren skewer."

"The pistol is back up; you should use biotics. No stunts," she warned without heed of her companion's previous comment.

"I'm a paragon of caution," Jane mumbled in response, deciding then it was best to follow after the woman in silence. Pausing only as her leader stopped.

"No stunts," a finger waggled at her, "that kid and her grandfather want you back, and I intend to see that through, despite your best attempts."

Jane giggled, "the LT would love that one."

"Dismiss it all you like, whinge that someone cares about your sorry hide," the woman spat, "you're being selfish. Everyone is hurting if you haven't noticed."

Jane's face drew blank, "while it's true, doesn't it feel better to be pissed off? To be angry that everything is changed? Fuck everyone else. I'm hurting." She looked over the horizon, directly into the blue beam that connected to the Citadel. It seemed so tiny from here, so insignificant.

Helen's gaze followed Jane's gaze, "trying to remember how much worse it could be rarely helps."

"I like to make myself feel better by telling myself that I'm angering out of grief; it's one of the stages, right? But what is there after it? I don't want to let it go and accept my world is gone," Jane's voice mellowed to a whisper, "acceptance is terrifying. It means you have to move forward."

They shared a silent moment together, connecting with a brief touch—neither alone as they thought.

"Who did you lose?"

"My heart."

"Who did you lose?"

"...my heart."

Horizon- Horizon was an awkward fumbling in the dark. An overhanded display The Illusive Man decided to lord over her. He knew her strings and just how to pluck them to make her dance to his tune. Pulling Kaidan into the entire mess with the Collectors was a threat. But as messy and powerless as the knowledge of what the Illusive Man would take from her was the undercurrent of hope. It was foolish to be caught up in the giddy excitement of returned love, But Kaidan loved her. The first confession and bitter tug on her heart. She should have told him then.

Mars- Mars was just as awkward. Running, sliding, and dodging bullets after months of being cooped up in a small apartment awaiting trial. Sideways glances, and a Major who wouldn't stop dogging her every step. He questioned, prodded, and accused her of terrible things. Granted, she well deserved it. He was so close, so in sync as if the years were mere minutes... yet the distance between them was a canyon wide. But the Major loved her, even if it was once upon a time. A lighthearted exchange broke some of the tension, but she still should have told him then.

The Citadel- "What's up" had to be the lamest greeting after an armed standoff. Not a clasping hug, not a gentle smile, instead she vocalized her worry that he was angry. She hadn't taken the shot at Udina, and she had made Kaidan make that impossible decision. To trust her word, to trust an ex-terrorist. It was too much to ask of anyone- but now she was someone he was in love with. Not a past tense, a was, but a current thing. Still, she fumbled, asking him to let her have it and killing any hope of a romantic reunion. Her stolen glances at his backside caught in the act gave him a sheepish glance away and not the confession he was owed.

The Citadel Pt. II- After a shamelessly little amount of convincing, she had found herself in a dress. It was supposed to be simple- a snack on the Citadel. But she had hoped for more, the flirting, the longing stares, compliments, and a little bit of girlish enthusiasm from Kaidan she dared to think they had a chance. It was the first 'I love you' the extra 'I always have' sending her heart fluttering into erratics that she fought to control, lest she make a scene. The graze of his tender lips against her palm relinquished any grasp she had left on that errant heart, the thundering of the heartbeat clouding her brain. The jealousy the rest of her skin felt for her palm stealing another confession.

2181 Despoina- Kaidan would always rue his attraction to adventurous women. Not the woman, but the spark that drove him there. She was always at risk; her daily amount of adventure qualified as a heroic event for most other citizens of the galaxy. For her, it was a normal Tuesday night. But still, he worried, and still, he continued to love her for the constant stress she brought him. Loved her recklessness because it was as much part of her as her freckles. In the wordless hours of the night, his grip always tighter after a harrowing encounter, she was silent.

The Normandy- Neither of them wanted a quick drink. It was a little silly, after all these years, after all his confessions, to still feel insecure about inviting Kaidan up to her cabin. Instead of being direct, he invented the excuse of a short drink to see her. To comfort each other- when they both knew they needed it. Everything felt so final, the end a ticking bomb, an end to the short time they had together. She found strength in him, a safety in knowing she had someone that would catch her. He loved her openly and proudly. He loved her without needing the words returned.

London- It was unreal, after three years finally approaching the finish line. Loss and love in equal measure. Now, it was time for her to go it alone. It was unnatural, and she fought against the notion. She didn't want to be alone- not at the end. Not after this blissful glimpse into the way love had brightened every facet of her being. Kaidan would gladly face a bitter end with her, going arm in arm to meet Garrus at the bar. But it was a fucked kind of love that pushed her to make him leave. The same love that screamed at him to get the hell off the Normandy, the love that now albeit gently pleaded with him to live. It wasn't a roar or a cry of victory but a rumble- a tender declaration. Kaidan knew, even if it took him repeating his love a thousand times over. Six was a good number, short. The heart knew it was needed.

"So refresh my memory," Jane questioned in a whisper, trying not to draw the entire den of Varren upon them at once, "just how many we are planning on bringing back?"

"Are you that keen on vaporizing them all?"

"I certainly can."

"Wouldn't that defeat one of our goals?"

"Well, I don't think you accounted for the transportation of a Varren," Jane noted, looking behind them at the lack of vessel to transport said game.

Jane was ignored with a huff, the woman peering around a blockade, "I want that one."

Jane took a look, the brown striped specimen had to top the list of heaviest varren she had seen, "seriously?"

"Yes. Jane."

"Aye, Aye, Ma'am."

There wasn't time for a seething look or the smarmy reply that would have followed. The creature floated, air-bound as if the weight of the animal defied gravity. It kicked at the air, unable to stop itself from moving toward the barrier that blocked the scent of view of its hunters. Jane yanked her hand forward, dragging against the invisible weight. It felt good, if not for the shred of panic that she might lose time again. The tell-tale sign of blood was not forthcoming.

The blast of sound ricocheting through the plaza quickly overcame any remaining fear.

"Whatever you do, do not approach these things," the recruit barked, yanking the older woman into the corner spot, "they will overwhelm you if they get close."

"Aye, Aye, Ma'am."

The pack burst from all corners, running full boar in the direction of their fallen packmate. Several running members fell in the chaos, while a line of biotic energy sent the group careening into nearby walls and structures. For what inexperience was worth, Helen held up well, keeping up trained focus on the beasts. The old lady had precision aim, wasting hardly a clip during the charge. Jane didn't have to pick up much slack. Now, if there were a third member, everything would be peachy.

The square was silent for a count of three before a single varren cried out loudly.

The alpha was on scene.

While she had not promised to keep from committing to a hair-brained stunt, biotic shockwaves and lifts were boring. A teenage biotic could perform these moves without a sweat, a N7 needed a challenge. She needed the thrill. Blue waves coalesced and pulsed around her form, the familiar vibration against her skin pleasurable. A fluid vault over the barrier propelling her charge into the lone Varren, sending it toppling from the blow. Jane dove for it, pummeling it with blasts of biotic energy until her knuckles bled.

This was no longer a stunt but a method of release.

"Seems those biotics are back online," Helen murmured, wiping something from her eyes.

Jane cocked her head, "where'd you learn to shoot?"

"That? Oh. I thought they'd go out like a coyote."

The blonde smirked, dismounting the alpha's corpse, wiping her fists against a clean portion of the animal's hide. Nothing from Tuchanka went down quietly.

Helen stood over her prize, after a long minute she looked at Jane expectantly, "aren't you going to grab that?"

"Your trophy, your struggle," Jane folded her arms in return, a sly grin crossing her face, "besides, by the way we snuck out of that base, I don't need any more blame for this... what would you call this, stunt?"

"We did not sneak-" but the woman's face betrayed her guilt.

"Yeah, it's normal procedure to hop a barricade at the precise moment the guard changed," Jane knew a thing or two about sneaking out. She'd even stolen a ship twice.

Helen didn't have to struggle with the corpse long before Jane took pity on the woman; she had an unfair advantage anyway. Genetic enhancements, bone grafting, and a little biotic lifting. Unfortunately, she would still be sore when they got back to base.

"Why the need to sneak out anyway? I'm sure you could have roped anyone into helping you," Jane was under no illusion that the woman had any particular like for her, if anything, the woman looked at her with increasing scrutiny.

"None of them would dare."

"Oh?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Jane understood the sentiment completely.

#fshenko #mass effect fancition #shenko #kaidan alenko #femshep x kaidan #take me home

[tealenko]

Somebody that I Used to Know (Chapter 4)

Chapter 4: Armory

It's very late, I should be sleeping, but I'm here writing because i'm in love with this one, I hope you like it as much as I do!!

Summary: Shepard and Kaidan meet by "accident" in the armory and they end up talking about a lot of things, including Shepard's thoughts about Horizon.

Words: 3014 Rating: Teens and Up Warnings: Lenguage

Previous chapter -> [link] All chapters -> [link] Read in AO3 -> [link]

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That one was close. She says to herself, contemplating a dent on her breastplate. Shepard takes a deep breath and starts to pull apart every little piece of her armor, placing them in order on top of the workbench.

She’s always enjoyed this part of the job, maintaining her gear and making sure everything functions properly. And somehow, the repetitive task relaxes her, making her forget the heat of the battle, the boredom in between missions and whichever problem she is trying to deal with.

This has always worked for her in the past, but not this time.

Come on… focus… “Connector AtR95 to plug HG42, and then… then...” She tries her best to concentrate. “Fuck!” A small spark hits her on the hand making her drop the cable.

Stop thinking about it. She tries again, but echoes of her last conversation with Garrus play in her head and there’s nothing she can do to shut them up.

One day you’re gonna have to put yourself first than the rest of the galaxy Shepard. “Yeah… like it is in my hands… I wish it was, so I could... Maybe I could say… What? What’s left to say? No, no… I already know and I don’t wanna hear it, there’s too much at stake and things… Things are good right now. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that… And at least… At least we are friends, which is more than I hoped, and that… that will be enough.” She tries to keep working, only managing to end up fidgeting with some tool before getting lost in her thoughts once again.

Why don’t you hate him? “Why don’t I hate him?” She says using a sarcastic tone. “Why doesn’t he hate me? Or does he? I mean… He did before, didn't he? So who knows...” She looks to the ceiling and moves one hand to her head. “Why does everything have to be so complicated?”

She stops working for a second, realizing she’s talking out loud. Lucky for her there’s no one else in the armory, something good had to come from Vega’s little party in the poker room, and now he and Cortez must be already unconscious in the crew quarters, along with the few soldiers that usually work there, so she has the whole place to herself.

All alone… She sighs, not knowing for sure if this fact drepresses her more than it cheers her up. I should keep working…. There's a lot to do.

Shepard focuses on the task ahead and starts checking every seal, repairing bullet holes, fixing the clasps, testing the connections and polishing most of the sections while revising the whole armor inch by inch. She spends around an hour like this, fully concentrated, until a noise on her back distracts her and makes her turn her head just in time to see how the elevator door opens.

Really… someone up there doesn’t like me… There’s no other explanation. “Hey.” She says as a greeting before directing her eyes back to her armor.

Up until a few hours ago she was handling the whole Kaidan situation much better than now, but her conversation with Garrus keeps playing in her mind for some reason. What would you do? Loops in her mind and she feels like a tide is drowning her. She had put so much effort in the last months to sink any type of expectation, of hope, to try to avoid thinking even about the possibility of regaining something she knows forever lost.

“Hey...” He starts walking to where she is. “So here’s where you’ve been hiding?” Kaidan stops right by her side looking at what she’s doing.

Shepard avoids looking at him, knowing she will lose every ability to function like a person the moment she tries to do so. Next time I see Garrus I’m gonna kill him… She thinks while trying to calm down.

“I’m not hiding,” she lies, “just doing some tests and repairs, you know, the less glamorous part of the job.” She says, mustering the courage to look at him while she talks.” Some people tend to neglect it, but it's an important one.”

“I know...” He rests his body on the workbench. “I’ve learned that from the best.” He gives her a big smile, and she’s completely lost.

In just a few seconds her heart starts to warm up, and she feels how the burning sensation travels from there to the rest of her body. Somehow she maneges keep looking at him, but that makes it even worse.

That kind of smile should be illegal. She says to herself.

She’s seen it before and the effect it’s still the same. It's the kind of smile that’s able to melt her heart little by little, strong enough to get through all her walls and fill one by one the many holes she has in her soul. It’s the smile she sees when she closes her eyes trying to erase a bad dream, the one she finds when she looks for a reason to keep fighting.

She has never been able to contain herself when he gives her that smile, and the night before Ilos, among the many memories she holds in her heart, is the best proof of that.

Shepard can feel how her heartbeat rises out of control when her mind starts playing fragments of that night. Oh god… She thinks, trying to avoid getting lost in the many memories she treasures of Kaidan.

Relax… you only have to act like a normal human being. That’s not difficult, right?

She ends up replying with a smile of her own, unable to think about anything safe to say out loud, and trying very hard to calm down a little. But then her eyes travel to his lips and the gates of her memory open within seconds, letting free every little detail, every touch and every feeling so they can haunt her. She can see everything as clear as if it was yesterday, and her whole soul shivers remembering the sensation of having him all to herself.

“Need an extra pair of hands?”

“What!?”

“Help, with the armor...” He looks at her with a little concern in his eyes.

Her whole body panics for a second before she is able to process his words, and the true meaning behind them, not the one she was thinking of. To her relief, thanks in part to the shock, she’s able to focus again on the conversation and manages to give him an answer.

“Ah, no… don’t worry, you must have a lot to do. It wouldn't be fair to you.”

“It’s easier to do with help… Tell you what, we can do mine after yours and we'll be even, what do you think?” She smiles at him, relieved he hasn’t noticed the real reason for the lapse in her concentration.

“Okay, that’s more like it.”

They start working side by side and, at the beginning, they try very hard to not disturb each other. Once they’ve been working for a few minutes the old ways start to kick in and with that, along with the familiarity of the task at hand, they begin to work in the same areas at the same time, with him assisting her wherever she needs to, completely synchronized with one another. Before they realise it they are already working on Kaidan’s armour.

The conversation is also flowing without any problems, to her surprise, although everything they say is related to the job they’re doing. They spend a while like that until she starts asking herself how did he end up here with her, trying to remember the different shifts in her head.

“Kaidan.”

“Yes?”

“I’ve just realized… Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“Ah… yes…” He smiles. “I couldn’t… I tried for hours before giving up.”

“Headaches?”

“Yes… among other things.”

“The war and that kind of stuff?” He laughs a little.

“Well, normally yes… but this time Vega is the one to blame.”

“Vega?” Shepard freezes.

“Yeah… Him and Cortez were talking out loud in the crew quarters, heaven knows what they were saying,” he rolls her eyes and sighs “but you could hear the noise from the starboard observation.”

“So you didn’t understand what they were saying?” She asks, trying to sound casual.

“No… something about getting killed I think, so I suppose it was war related stuff.”

“Probably” Shepard says, sighing with relief.

“I would’ve said something but they seemed pretty drunk and, to be honest, I didn't want to bring down the mood.” He smiles softly. “Besides, I don’t think I would’ve been able to sleep either way. I even thought of joining them to see what the fuss was about.”

“Luckily you didn’t” Shepard says without even thinking. Shit… I’m an idiot.

“What do you mean?”

“Well… Mmm” Think… Come on, think. “Ehmm… you wouldn’t have ended up here.” She finally says, which isn’t a lie, relieved she’s been able to say anything at all. “I needed the help more than I thought.” She smiles at him as a thank you and he lowers his head a little making a reverence.

“At your service.”

Shepard blushes and smiles before she resumes her job, trying to concentrate again in the armor but failing within a few seconds when another question prompts into her mind.

“How did you end up here?”

“Garrus.”

“Garrus?” Shepard laughs a little, trying to understand how his friend ended up causing this situation.

”Hum… I saw him in the kitchen and we started talking...”

I’m going to kill him.

“... and he said that with James and Steve sleeping this would probably be empty.”

Shepard starts laughing in disbelief, bringing her hands to her face. In the meanwhile Kaidan doesn’t know what to do, feeling like he’s missed some part of the conversation. They stay like that for a few seconds before she starts talking again.

“Remind me to talk to Garrus later.”

“I’m a bit lost here Shepard.”

“He knew I would be here, I told him.”

“I see.” Kaidan smiles and starts processing the information. “So this is a setup, isn't it?”

“So it seems.” She answers.

“Well, at least we were able to finish this.” He says, pointing to their armors.

“Yeah… You should go and rest, you’ve earned it. Besides I don’t think the noise will be a problem anymore, they’re probably in a coma by now.” He laughs at her comment. “Let me store this away, you must be tired.”

“If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t.”

“Okay.” He says a little bit hesitant and starts walking away, but before he gets into the elevator he stops and asks her: “Wanna do the weapons tomorrow? It’s been a while since I checked my assault rifle.” She smiles at him.

“Same...” You don’t use an assault rifle. “With my rifle, I mean, my sniper rifle, of course.” You calibrate it every three days. “Same place, same time?”

“Sure.”

“Perfect.”

~

“Can you...” Shepard places a tool in his hands before he’s able to complete the question. “Thank you. You must be used to doing this.” He says laughing.

“I’ve been calibrating weapons since I was thirteen.”

“That would explain why yours has only taken a few minutes to check up.”

They are working in the same area that the day before, right next to each other, and for some unknown reason today they are also alone in the armory.

“Are we sure Vega is still alive? I haven’t seen him in a day.” She says, looking to where he normally stays.

“Well It doesn’t surprise me that he’s hiding...” He turns to see her reaction, “I heard that you two had a rather interesting conversation yesterday.” She freezes right away, dropping the replacement parts she is holding into the ground.

“Sorry.. I… Mmm. The thing is… no.” He tries to hide his smile. “ How on Earth have you found out about that?”

“Garrus.”

Now I’m definitely going to kill him.

“He told me during lunch time.”

“Remind me to talk to Garrus later.”

Kaidan starts laughing a little, comprehending now all the sides of the story, except for one.

“May I ask you a question?” He says, and she can see how his smile fades away to be replaced by concern. “I don’t know if I should ask it.”

“I’m not surprised, It was quite an experience.” She says with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood. “I’m sure you must have many.”

“No, just the one.” He feels a little bit lost when he says this. She can tell that, whatever it is he wants to ask her, he’s truly afraid of her answer.

“Kaidan...” She makes a pause waiting for him to look at her. “I will listen to any question you wish to ask, and I will reply to you as best as I can.”

He nods, looking directly into her eyes, but stays in silence.

“I mean… Nothing you say will be worse than what I heard yest...”

“Why?” He interrupts her.

“I’m gonna need more info Kaidan.” She smiles at him.

Worry builds up in his expression and he moves one hand to the back of his neck, without really knowing what to do with the other one.

“Why don’t you hate me?” He asks in the end.

“I’m going to start charging for that question, at this rate I’ll be able to buy a house by the time the war is over.”

“Shepard, I’m being serious.”

“So am I.”

“Yeah, sure.” He smiles a little but his mind keeps going on and on about the matter at hand. He leaves his tool on the table and moves a few steps to sit down, lowering his head to stare at the floor.

She looks at him for a few seconds, feeling a lot of different emotions bubbling in her heart, before she starts walking to sit by his side.

He stays the same, while Shepard looks far away and tries to find the best way to express what she wants to tell him. A minute goes by before she starts talking.

“Do you remember some conversations we had back in the day? You were worried I would cut corners, let something slide, if I had no other option”

“I remember.”

“You also told me once you wouldn't be able to stay quiet and follow me if I got out of the line.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember my answer back then?”

“You said you did not want me to. That you didn’t need someone following you blindly.”

“So… why should I be mad at you? You kept your word.”

“But...”

“But nothing.”

“And your hand?”

“My hand?”

“Is it true that you broke it by hitting the wall right after Horizon?”

“Ah… Mmm, yes, it’s true.” She laughs a little. He doesn’t. “Look Kaidan, it was a really tough day... well, months.” She starts explaining. “The first thing I did once I understood what was going on after waking up was ask about you, but no one gave me answers. When I finally had some kind of clue, it turns out you were in a colony that was under attack, so I spent hours looking for you, fearing that I would find you frozen at any time or that I wouldn’t find you at all, terrified for your life.”

He raises his head to look at her, but she doesn’t move, her eyes still glued to the wall in front of them.

“And then I saw you, safe and sound, and my whole heart started to burst with joy. I’ve never gone so fast from sadness to happiness.” She makes a pause there. “And then, well you know the rest.”

He starts to look mortified by her words, so she resumes her speech trying to explain herself.

“I’m not judging what you said or did Kaidan, I’m really not.“ She turns to look at him while she continues. ”I’m telling you this so you understand that, when I made it back to the Normandy, I didn’t know what to do with the hundreds of things I was feeling at the same time… So the wall ended up paying the price.”

“I see.” He says, trying to process all the information. ”Well, you were able to redirect your anger. That’s more than I could do… When I think of some of the things I said....”

“It's okay. You see Kaidan, I won’t pretend it was the best day of my life but, after thinking about it, and with some time if we’re being honest, I can’t say that I blame you.” She stops for a second, weighing something on her mind. “Do you wanna know something?”

“Sure.” Kaidan answers, finally relaxing a little.

“I… I think highly of you for staying true to your beliefs.” She says. ”I really admire that about you... I’ve never… I've never met anyone like you, you know?”

“Thanks, that… means a lot.” He smiles softly. ”And thanks for telling me the rest.. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.”

Their eyes meet for a moment, and neither of them is sure about what to do next. They stare at each other a few seconds before either of them is able to do anything else.

Shepard is the one who manages to come back to reality first. Taking a deep breath, she stands up and smiles at him before starting to speak.

“Hmm… Enough talking, let’s go back to work, what do you think?” He nods and follows her lead, walking back to the workbench. “We should finish this.”

“Just what I was thinking.” He says smiling back. “So… Do you have anything in mind to fix another day?” She starts laughing.

“I’m afraid there’s nothing left in the whole ship. Besides, we'll be heading to the Citadel soon, I have a lot to do there.”

“What a shame.” He says smailing.

“Maybe you should take some time off once we’re there... walk around, have a drink...”

“Well... I’ll think about it.”

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This one has been the hardest to write out of all of them, but I love the finish result.

This one reflects my exact feeling about Horzon -> Hated it when I saw it the first time, but I ended up loving Kaidan even more because he stayed true to himself.

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Please feel free to ask for fics or give me suggestions!!

#shepard x kaidan #kaidan alenko #shenko #mass effect #fshenko #commander shepard #shepard #fanfic #me3 #garrus vakarian #james vega #steve cortez #inner monologue #fluff and angst #fixing things

[ramblinganthropologist]

MER Week Day 3 - Missed Opportunities

Summary: Nothing like dark biotic lunch to let you reflect on how shitty your love life is. Alistair’s got plenty to reflect on as he broods away with his jar of sour sugar - correction, homemade pixie sticks. Unfortunately for him, he’s about to add another one to his lack-of-body count. Man just can’t catch a break...

(Setting: Pre ME1)

---

02:00 Space time. It was the perfect time for stuffing your face with much needed carbs to keep the biotic system functioning.

“Don’t even think of turning that light on, my eyes are killing me.”

Alistair’s hand moved away from the switch and back to his favorite form of shoving carbs into his system – a mix of sugar, citric acid, and green food coloring that made up his version of pixie sticks. It was all the flavor, without having to deal with the stupid paper wrapper that got everywhere. Next to him, his sister was punching the buttons on the microwave. Inside, the family sized bag of dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets was waiting to get spun around and nuked to edible temperatures.

“I wasn’t going to; my head hurts too.” He massaged the back of his neck, fingers brushing against his still-warm amp. He had used it a bit too much the day before, but at least it had cooled some. Hours earlier, it had been burning hot. Maybe the headache was the result of that, or maybe it was the ship’s pressurization. Either way, no lights were fine by him.

Besides, lights might have made someone else on the Normandy realize they were there. The last thing he needed was to talk to someone other than Bo right then.

“Good. If I have to deal with Jenkins asking me to test my biotics on him again, I’m going to scream. He should just go bother Alenko for that…” Bo trailed off, one red eye meeting him across the kitchen. “Unless you’re interested in giving it a shot.”

The thought caused him to snort as he dug in the drawer for a suitable spoon. Most people liked tablespoons, but they usually had bigger mouths than him. It would take a little longer, but a teaspoon fit his smaller hands perfectly. Maybe someone in the crew would joke about that, but they were smart enough not to do it to his face. What they did behind his back, he didn’t care. He didn’t have to hear it, and that was good enough for him.

“Already tried that, actually. He doesn’t like how I do it.” A spoonful of sugar soon found its way into his mouth and the sour taste did wonders for his headache. “You should’ve heard him complain when I didn’t toss him full force. I swear, Jenkins has a death wish or something.”

Bo snorted as she watched her nuggets go for a ride in the radiation machine. “He’d get it with me, there are no safety stops on the murder machine. Maybe it’s for the best if he gets his ride from Alenko. After he breaks something, he can go to you or Chakwas to get it fixed. Maybe you should just standby, it’ll give you plenty of chances to talk to him.”

The thought made Alistair cringe as he looked down at his jar of sugar. “Yeah… about that… maybe it’s for the best if I don’t go around Kaidan for a while.”

Memories from the prior week still played in his mind whenever he got the chance to close his eyes – it was like the universe wanted to remind him how stupid it had been. He could still see the look on his fellow biotic’s face and see the change in his eyes. It had just been a simple request – to hang out on their next shore leave, maybe grab dinner.

The dinner idea had made the man ask if he was asking him out. Naturally, Alistair was shit at lying, so he’d had to come out with the truth. Yes, it had been a soft way of asking Kaidan out on a date. And… well, it hadn’t ended well. Kaidan had been nice about it, and he appreciated that, but in the end, it was a politely given no. The offer was still up to hang out as friends, but… honestly, he wasn’t sure if he could do it right then. Just looking at the man made him embarrassed now, even if he respected that no.

He should’ve been used to being turned down, but it still hurt a little. He’d probably be over it in a few weeks, maybe less if they got busy with the next location they were heading towards. Alistair just had to hang in until then.

“Oh, so I don’t have to be nice to him anymore. Great. He’s been annoying the hell out of me.” The microwave dinged and the sound of plastic tearing signified the beginning of the carnage of all breaded dinosaur kind. “Fuck him.”

Alistair chuckled softly as he went for another mouthful of sugar. “He has a right to say no, Bo.”

“And I have the right to judge his shitty taste.” A tyrannosaurus lost its head to Bo’s incisors as she took her bag to the table. At least she was sitting down this time. Since she was, he joined her with his jar of what was basically sour sugar, spoon still in hand.

Well, he couldn’t talk her out of that. He knew better. Hopefully, it would be a quick couple of weeks.

For a few moments, they ate in silence. With every spoonful of sugar, Alistair felt his headache ache a little less. It was probably just a placebo effect to bootleg pixie sticks, but he was going to take anything he could get right then. Another spoonful it was – at least his CGM would be happy for once.

Thanks to that, he could hear the sounds of the Normandy around him. They were still settling into the new ship, so he was getting used to all the noises it made. Right now, they were shooting through FTL, so the engines hummed along as they kept everything steady. It was a low rhythm he found himself sinking into as he took another spoon of his snack. He might not have been on the ship for long, but he got the feeling he’d like it.

How could he not? The Normandy was kind of sexy…

“I can hear you sexualizing the ship from here, Al.”

Bo snickered as he turned away, cheeks growing warm in the dark. Instead of saying anything, he just took another mouthful of sugar. That was a point lost to him in the endless game they played. He was behind, and probably always would be. She was just too good at getting to him. Really, she was the best example of a little sister anyone could think of. It was honestly scary sometimes.

You think being a former younger sister he’d have the same power, but apparently not. Fuck that.

“You and your ship fetish. Better get in line, I think Joker’s in first place.” The next victim was a triceratops, missing its tail due to the company’s processing blades. Oh well, it was missing other things soon enough. “Well, either him or that weird turian who’s been skulking around. What’s his name again? He’s been all over the lower decks lately, I think it’s pissing engineering off.”

Nilhus. Nilhus Kryik.

Just thinking about him made Alistair’s face feel hot. He sought comfort in his sugar, trying not to think too hard about the man. They hadn’t really talked much, but from what he saw… well, would it be too much to say he liked what he was seeing?

Probably… shit. He was no good at this crush thing.

“I think he’s just… checking things out. I don’t know, it’s weird having a Spectre onboard. I’m not even sure where he’s sleeping…” He licked his spoon thoughtfully. “I mean, the Normandy was also designed by turians, so there has to be a spot somewhere comfortable for them. I would need to check the specs…”

Bo was giving him that look again as she dug for more dinosaurs. “Trying to find a good makeout spot, huh? You’re not subtle, Al.”

No… no he wasn’t. And that’s what got him in trouble.

What also got him in trouble was sitting in the dark apparently. All too suddenly, the lights flicked on, temporarily blinding him as pain rushed to the front of his head. Alistair hissed and dropped his spoon, hearing it clatter to the floor below. Next to him, he could hear Bo doing the same thing, only she didn’t drop her nuggets. Only a direct enemy attack could cause that to happen.

“Damn it, turn the fucking light off!”

“I didn’t know anyone was in here.” The light flicked off, returning them to darkness. “I thought humans ate with the lights on.”

The smooth, translated voice made Alistair sit up a little straighter. A dull panic wormed its way into his stomach as he managed to open his eyes and look over his shoulder. There was a turian standing in the entrance to the kitchen, talons still on the light switch.

Wasn’t it just his luck that Nihlus was a night person?

“Dark biotic lunch runs by different rules.” Bo’s tone was just asking for a fight as she reached down to grab his spoon. “Doubt there’s anything in here you can eat anyway.”

Nilhus moved towards the fridge, the very picture of a man on a mission. “I stored some energy rations in here when I arrived on ship.”

He met Alistair’s gaze, then those eyes moved towards the jar on the table. “Is… that a jar of sugar?”

Well… if you wanted to get technical…

Alistair got up from the table in order to wash his spoon, avoiding Nihlus’ gaze. “It’s my recipe for pixie sticks… there’s not enough in the little tubes for me and it saves on packaging.”

“Pixie… sticks.”

Yep, that was a tone that told him to forget any sort of crush he’d had on the man – he was officially in the fucking weird category for life. All he could hope for was that it didn’t affect their working relationship, whatever the turian was doing on their ship.

What was he doing there anyway? Nobody was exactly clear about that…

“I’d say don’t knock it until you try it, but I don’t think there’s a dextro safe version.” Clean spoon in hand, Alistair returned to the table. “Er… enjoy your energy rations? Don’t exactly think that’s possible though…”

His voice trailed off as Nihlus left with his snack without another word. As soon as he was gone, his forehead found the table with a light thump. That was not going to do wonders for his headache to say the least, but he didn’t care then.

Strike three, you’re out.

“Don’t sweat it, you’re too good for him. What kind of asshole looks down his… shit, he doesn’t have a nose does he…” Bo was lost in thought for a moment as she munched on her nuggets. “Anyway, fuck him.”

Well, he wasn’t going to be doing that…

“The correct term would probably be face plates, but it doesn’t sound as good.”

“Damn aliens and their lack of anatomy we can use for insults.” His sister nudged his jar closer. “Best way to get over a shitty crush is food, so you might as well eat up.”

That it was. Alistair sighed as he sat up, taking advantage of his clean spoon in order to get another mouthful. At this rate, he was just going to be single until he died. Maybe that was for the best – it helped keep him focused on missions.

But damn, did the universe have to keep teasing him with hot guys he had no chance with?

Oh well, at least he had his jar of homemade pixie stick formula for those long nights when he was up brooding over his lack of a love life. At least that would never let him down. So, another mouthful it was, there in the dark of the kitchen with his sister.

On the bright side, at least Eden Prime should be a nice place to go… it sounded decent enough. Maybe it would take his mind off things.

#merweek2021 #ramblinganthropologist's writing #Alistair Shepard #Bo Peep Shepard #Al has zero luck with men #His lack of body count is astounding

[aricazorel]

"When everything is wrong, it's you that makes it right." prompt

pairing: Kaidan Alenko x Rebecca Shepard; set during ME3; word count: 1310

“Hey, EDI? Where is Shepard?” Kaidan Alenko asked as he rode the elevator from the Docking Bay to the CIC. “Cortez said she came back from the council meeting, but no one’s seen her since.”

“The Commander took a call from Admiral Hackett in the QEC and then left without stopping until she reached her quarters, Major,” the AI informed him. “I am not certain she is in a good state of mind.”

Kaidan inclined his head. “Meaning?”

“Her biometric readings are consistent with someone who is greatly stressed. Possibly distraught.”

Without inquiring further the L2 asked, “EDI, can you take me to the loft instead of the CIC? My report can wait to be filed later.”

“Of course, Major Alenko,” she replied with what Kaidan would have labeled relief if he didn't know better.

“Thanks.”

One minute later the doors open to the loft’s deck as EDI said, “I will have all communication and related items filtered to those who can address them. Unless there is an emergency you and the Commander will not be disturbed.”

“Thanks again, EDI.”

“You are welcome.”

And with that Kaidan was left alone standing at the door to Shepard's cabin. He pushed the door chime and waited.

No answer.

He waited a few more second and made a second attempt, this time identifying who he was. Still no response.

Part of him said he should wait to be let in. But the other part said to use the keycode she had given him. The latter part one out. Quickly entering the all too familiar numbers, the date of the Eden Prime mission began, the Major stepped through the door as soon as it opened. He was greeted by an empty space.

He frowned until he heard the shower running from the bathroom to his right. He let out a sigh of relief as he walked over to the desk area. Reports and data pads scattered around. Shaking his head he quickly made neat piles of them by subject and then made his way to the living area.

Cleaning up more data pads, clothes, books, and random items, the major hoped such a small act might help her just a little bit. is attention turned to the bed. A mess as usual. He quickly straightened it up, folding back the covers. Hoping it looked inviting enough for Shepard to possibly lay down in and get some shuteye. Even if it were just for an hour.

In the meantime, he grabbed the datapad concerning the council and Hackett’s latest requests. Walking over to one of the reclining chairs, he made himself at home in it while he waited for Shepard. As he skimmed the summary of both briefings, it quickly became apparent why she had hid herself away. While he had been taking care of some tasks for her which his Specter status allowed him, she had been piled with more responsibilities, more request, more reminders that time was running out.

As if the crew of the Normandy and it’s captain didn't realize that. They were constantly on the front lines and sometimes beyond it. Trying to gather the resources they needed for the Crucible at the same time they were dealing with old rivalries as they sought allies. Anyone else would have said to hell with it and demanded the responsibilities be forced onto some someone else. But not Rebecca Shepard.

Becca knew the stakes all too well. It was personal. Hell, she'd even died once ensuring her crew lived. She didn't know how to walk away from such responsibility, especially with the knowledge and experience of the past four years she carried with her. As Garrus had once put it, she just wasn't built that way.

As admirable as that was, it left the people she defended safer but the Commander drained. Or more accurately feeling guilty and responsible for things she couldn't and shouldn't take responsibility for. It was a strength and a weakness at the same time. It was something Kaidan had learned to look for early on during the Eden Prime mission. Something he continued to watch for now and hoped his presence on the SR-2 helped ease her stress. He was more than willing to take the brunt of it. After Horizon, he'd made the promise to himself to listen and think before responding even if he were mad. Even if she were mad. He would hear her and give her the benefit of the doubt.

Kaidan closed his eyes as he took a breath. Commander Shepard was still a living and breathing person. She still had doubts and fears. Dreams and hopes. People tended to forget that. He knew he had in the heat of the moment on Horizon. Now. Here on the SR-2, he wanted more than ever to be a buffer between her troubles and her sanity. He wanted to be her soft place to land. He wanted her to know she was Becca to him and not just the Commander.

And at that moment, using his Specter status to delegate things to others who could help either more efficiently or faster was a start. He opened his eyes and set to work on the datapad doing just that. Not all of the requests from the Council and Hackett had to be handled by Shepard personally. Nowhere did it say she couldn't have help. She was notorious for recruiting unlikely sources of aid so why shouldn't this be any different? Truthfully, the only difference would be that the orders were signed by Specter Alenko instead of Specter Shepard.

The quiet sound of the bathroom door sliding open and shut shook the Major from his thoughts. He glanced up as he heard bare feet pad across the cabin’s deck plates. As she rounded the display case featuring her collection of ships Shepard paused at the top of the steps. Green eyes met his whiskey brown ones as she tilted her head in confusion. The Sentinel gave her a lopsided grin and a shrug.

Shepard returned his grin with a halfhearted one of her own. He watched as she walked slowly over towards him, her gait sluggish. He was about to say something as she came to stand by him moving to get up. She shook her head no as she moved to sit in the chair beside him. Or so he thought.

Instead Becca nudged aside the datapad and curled up in his lap, her head resting on his chest. As she snuggled against him, Kaidan automatically wrapped his arms around her. He tucked her head under his chin, her hair damp from the shower. She smelled of the floral shampoo she used. Another thing that had not changed from the SR-1 days.

Shepard remained quiet as he felt her relax against him. He let her have her quiet time, knowing it was rare for her to feel comfortable to let her guard completely down. He was only too happy that he could make her feel safe enough to do that with him. He began stroking her long red hair in an effort to lull her to sleep. Even if it were for just a little while.

“Kaidan.” His name was barely above a whisper.

“Becca, you should rest.”

“I will but you being here,” she said quietly, her hand moving to rest over his heart. “When everything is wrong, it's you that makes it right.”

“I'll do anything to make it right, sweetheart,” Kaidan assured her as he kissed the crown of her head. “Whatever you need.”

“I need you …and everyone else to fuck off for just a little bit,” she murmured into his chest. She glanced up at him with a genuine smile. “But I mostly need you.”

“I'm here Becca,” he said as he kissed her sweetly. “And I’m not going anyway. I promise.”

#trilogyappreciationweek #mass effect #kaidan alenko #rebecca shepard #!fshenko #femshep

[swaps55]

Winter Asks Caught in a Snowstorm because Sam and weather.

The snow is festive, at least.

Too often there isn’t much snow in December, especially in Vancouver, and all the holiday decorations just end up looking drab and…damp under the grey winter skies. Not so today. The flakes of snow outside are coming down even thicker than they had been back in the mountains of the BC Interior. Snow this hard isn’t that uncommon out at the orchard, but Vancouver usually doesn’t see it.

Outside the train station, wreaths hanging on the lampposts wear a fresh blanket of white. Too early in the day for various holiday lights to be on, but Kaidan vividly remembers the massive display the city puts on down by the bay every year. Adding snow to the mix will make it nothing short of magic. Been a long time since he’s been on Earth for Christmas, and this year will be Shepard’s first experience with Christmas period.

It’s…not going well.

Outside may look like a pleasant winter wonderland, but inside the train station the collective mood of the thickening crowd waiting for loved ones gets farther and farther from goodwill to all, despite the plethora of Santa hats and garish holiday sweaters.

Shepard in particular has the look in his eyes that usually precedes solving a problem with a shotgun, which contrasts rather spectacularly with the evergreen sweater and gold jingle bell on a bright red cord Kaidan strung around his neck. The farther away they get from wearing combat armor, the more fascinating it is to see the soldier emerge.

If Kaidan had any idea how stressful the prospect of celebrating a holiday was going to become, he wouldn’t have pushed for it. For the past two weeks Shepard has approached Christmas like he’s coordinating a full-scale assault on an enemy stronghold. Like it’s something he has to win. The poor tree they’d decorated in the living room practically salutes every time he walks through the door.

Kaidan hasn’t dared introduce the ugly sweater concept. The levels Sam could take it to don’t bear thinking about, so he’ll leave that one for his mother.

If she ever gets here.  

Shepard paces the train platform, bell jangling with each step, occasionally glaring up at the arrival screen, where the 13:00 train from Kamloops still shows Delayed in red letters.

Kaidan eyes him cautiously. Despite the temptation to say ‘I told you so,’ a peace-on-Earth approach is probably the better choice right now. If Shepard were particularly open to peaceful negotiation.

“Fucking weather,” Shepard mutters under his breath, peering out a window with a scowl. “I hate planets.”

He’s not open to peaceful negotiation.

They’d spent four hours in a skycar to get here, in spite of all of Kaidan’s arguments for why it was a bad idea. Shepard hasn’t learned yet that when Kaidan’s mother makes a plan, you don’t alter the plan. And the plan had been she would take the high-speed rail from Toronto to Vancouver and find her own way to the orchard. It was her plan. Sam’s idea to surprise her at the station was doomed to failure, no matter how noble his intentions.

Of course, the fact he wanted to do it so badly is more than Kaidan’s heart can stand, but that doesn’t change the laws of the universe. Or his mother.  

“You can’t surprise my mother,” Kaidan tried to tell him. “It doesn’t work. Trust me.”

“It’ll work,” Sam insisted, back when he was naïve and optimistic.

Shepard, so accustomed to the galaxy getting out of his way whenever he it wanted to, doesn’t understand the opposing force that is Lora Alenko. Or blizzards.

“I flew a Mako through a mass relay and we really can’t figure out how to keep the trains running in snow?” Shepard demands.

“Apparently,” Kaidan says, suppressing a sigh. The sigh would not help matters.

The red lights on the arrival sign flicker, then change. Sam straightens, hopeful, until the word Cancelled appears.

“Son of a bitch,” he swears, throwing an arm in the air. “Fuck this holiday bullshit.” A few people look in his direction, including a kid wearing a red and green knit cap who can’t be more than ten. He grips his mother’s hand, eyes widening with recognition.

Chagrin creeps over Shepard’s face. He clears his throat and offers the kid a salute, before dragging Kaidan further away from the crowd.

“First,” he says, before Kaidan can open his mouth. “Don’t say it. Second, now what do we do?”

“We go home,” Kaidan says gently. “She’ll get here when she gets here. It’s fine.”

“No it isn’t.” Shepard runs a hand over his scalp and continues pacing. More people start looking their way, so Kaidan takes him by the hand and leads him outside, where the snow continues falling even thicker than before. At this point, just getting themselves home is going to be interesting.

Sam continues muttering under his breath as they walk, jingle bell tinkling merrily. Kaidan puts a hand on his arm, tightening until he stops.

“Hey,” Kaidan says.

Shepard turns his glare skyward, as though he has half a mind to out-temper the storm. Wouldn’t be the first time. He’d ground Noveria’s snow right under his heel. Of course, that time he’d had an armored tank with an eezo core. Surely he can’t do the same with a skycar.

…surely.

“This was supposed to go right,” Sam says in defeat.

Kaidan brushes away the snow collecting on Shepard’s shoulder, hiding a smile at the sight of flakes melting on his head. He’d spent so much time joking about making them both wear Santa hats he hadn’t thought to grab real hats.

“First lesson about holidays,” Kaidan says with a chuckle. “Nothing ever goes according to plan. Kind of like you.”

Sam exhales, warm breath dissipating into steam. He runs a gloved finger down Kaidan’s cheek, channeling some of his intensity into one of those looks that never fails to make him weak at the knees.

“Sam,” Kaidan says, meeting his gaze. “Talk to me. What’s going on? You’ve been a man on a mission for weeks. It’s supposed to be something you – something we – enjoy.”

His expression twists in a way that makes Kaidan’s heart ache. “You’re…my family. Your mom…is now my family. Holidays are important to you.” He hesitates. “And I kind of wanted it to be important to me.”

Kaidan gazes at him, too many thoughts swirling in his head to give voice to any of them. So he leans in and kisses him, softly at first, then more insistently as Sam wraps an arm around his neck and pulls him flush. For the thousandth time, Kaidan wonders how two people fit so perfectly together.

When Kaidan finally pulls away Sam sighs, blinking away flakes of snow.

“Then let’s go home,” Kaidan says. “And I promise, when she gets here? We’ll make it important to all of us.”

Kaidan takes his hand as they walk back towards the skycar. Just for the hell of it, he sticks his tongue out to catch a snowflake, persisting until Sam laughs and tugs him close.

It’s late by the time they make it back to the orchard. The strings of Christmas lights Sam had hung meticulously over the front bushes twinkle merrily, but to their surprise the house itself blazes with light.

Sam’s hand reaches for a sidearm he no longer carries, suspicion in his eyes. “Did you leave the lights on?”

“Nope,” Kaidan says, hiding a smile as he gets out of the skycar.

“Then what the—”

Kaidan chuckles. “You are not the only person who can bully the universe, Sam.”

When they walk in the house Kaidan’s mother sits on the couch with a glass of wine, feet up and adorned with a pair of candy cane slippers, fire roaring merrily in the fireplace. When she gets to her feet, she wears a knit red sweater emblazoned with a green Christmas tree that lights up with omnitool powered lights.

“There you are!” she exclaims as they stamp snow off their boots. “Where the hell have you been?”

Kaidan grins and crosses the room to sweep her up in a hug.

“We…went to get you,” Sam says, giving her a baffled look. “How did you get here? Your train was cancelled.”

“Aunt Li had some last-minute things she needed to take care of, and I saw the weather, so I took an earlier train.”

“I told you,” Kaidan says. “You can’t surprise her.”  

“You tried to surprise me?” she asks, genuinely touched.

Kaidan steps aside and she opens her arms expectantly, waggling her fingers until Sam steps sheepishly into them. She leans in and murmurs in his ear, “Good luck with that.”

Sam narrows his eyes, but holds her tight. “Challenge accepted.”

Oh boy. This is not what Kaidan had in mind when he vowed to make new Christmas traditions.

“I missed my boys,” she says, taking Sam’s cheeks in both hands. “And I wasn’t going to miss our first Christmas.”

Sam nods, speechless for once when she lets him go.

“Sam went all out,” Kaidan says with a smile. “You should see the meal he’s got planned for tomorrow.”  

She raises an eyebrow.

“Catered,” Sam says swiftly.

She grins. “I can’t wait.”

She goes into the kitchen to dig up two more wine glasses. When she returns, she hands one to each of them and grabs the bottle she’d already opened to fill them.

She picks up her own glass and raises it. “To our new family.”

Sam and Kaidan echo the toast, though Sam’s voice wavers.

They drink. Sam shuffles his feet. Kaidan knows the look on his face. The soldier’s been put away again, but the part of him who believes he has to earn his place – even with his own family – still hasn’t been laid to rest yet.

Kaidan’s working on that.    

“So,” Sam says slowly. “I’m, um. Not sure what happens now. I’m not…good at this.”

Kaidan’s mother loops Sam’s arm around her shoulder and walks him over to the couch, where a pile of blankets wait. “Now we cuddle up in front of the fire and get warm, because it’s freezing outside and someone I know hates being cold.”

A smile creeps across Sam’s face. “It’s not so bad. When you’ve got the right company.”

Outside, the snow keeps falling. Inside, the fire flickers and pops.    

“So is this what it’s like?” Sam murmurs, tugging a blanket across the three of them as they settle on the couch and finding Kaidan’s hand underneath it. As soon as he’s situated, Kaidan’s mother drops a Santa hat on his head.

“Yeah,” Kaidan says, kissing his temple. “This is what it’s like.”

#jediwalkerw #mshenko #kaidan alenko #mass effect #my fic #here have some tooth rotting fluff #with a dash of sentimentality #and yes i'm ignoring the reaper devastation and another elephant in the room #because it's a HAPPY PROMPT #they're happy and safe and have a future together #and SAM HAS A FAMILY #and I'm going to go cry about it

[maxrev]

I heard on the news a few days ago Canada had put up signs saying 'Don't let moose lick your car' because they're looking for the salt. Well, Niall Shepard didn't read the whole sign...

“Kaidan, did ya see the message on the sign? All I read was ‘Dinnae let a moose lick…’ but not the rest. ”

"What sign? Where?” 

Figures he hadn't seen it. They were in Canada, so what was it one wasn’t supposed to let a moose lick? Niall’s mind went to all sorts of ideas with the thought. Shaking his head, he  pushed those thoughts right away and settled down to watch the world fly by the window. The sign was gone along with the message and Kaidan hadn’t seen it anyway, so best to let it go. Canada...what a strange place to live where you didn’t let a moose lick...something. 

They were currently driving through the city of Vancouver towards the coast, headed out to take in some sights while on shore leave and Kaidan had insisted, along with the rest of the crew, Niall come along to take a break and relax, something he hadn’t done since boarding the Normandy on her maidan voyage. What a whirlwind life had been since then. All of the crew, from Garrus to Joker, and even Tali, suggested things for him to do -- get drunk, get laid, watch Fleet and Flotilla, or go ‘shoot shit.’ Grateful to them for thinking of his sanity and well-being, Niall nonetheless considered doing absolutely none of them. He’d simply smiled and thanked them for their thoughtfulness. By the look on Joker's face, Niall could tell he was disappointed. He'd probably hoped for a play by play if Niall did get laid. Foogin' bampot, he was.

Ah well, Niall'd been told, more than once, he was crabbit. Didnae matter to him. There wasn't time for idleness, playing tourist by going sightseeing or any of the other suggestions, interesting as a few sounded. He had too many things to do - paperwork to fill out, talking with the Council - or rather at them, as well as debriefing Anderson and Hackett on the Reapers. Oh, yeah, and Udina... 

Okay, maybe shore leave was better spent with some much needed away time. Far, far away from Udina. He hated the man and often wished it was he who'd punched him, the sleekit bastard, and not Anderson. Niall even daydreamed about the satisfaction of it sometimes. 

He also wasn’t happy about spending shore leave with a subordinate. Mixing work with play was a bad business, but Kaidan could be pretty persuasive - or insistent - when he wanted. Either way. It didn’t help the LT had the rest of their immediate Normandy circle on his side. He’d ended up barging, politely, into Niall’s personal cabin, threw whatever civvies he could find along with a few toiletries in his commander's ruck sack and herded him off the Normandy. Niall had overheard someone say the whole crew would be meeting up somewhere along the coast. 

For now, it was just the two of them. 

Glancing over at his LT, he noted how smooth and efficient he was at driving the skycar. No wild antics for him, just calm and steady. He'd probably even colored inside the lines as a kid. It was no wonder, then, why he hated when Niall drove the mako. Of course, all of them did. Especially Garrus when he was stuck fixing everything Niall destroyed. Too damn bad. He loved adventure and with the mako, adventure came in the form of flying off cliffs, barrelling down steep inclines or skidding to a stop inches away from a building. It never got old, the crews’ reactions to his driving.

He sighed, a mix of exasperation and impatience. Niall didn't like being a passenger.

"Everything okay, Commander?" 

"Yes, LT." A few seconds passed, "How much longer?"

Kaidan chuckled.

Another sign flashed overhead as they drove. ‘Don’t let the moose lick…’ 

"Now d'ya ken what the damn sign says?"

"Sorry, I didn't see it this time, either."

There Kaidan went again, apologizing. Said it was a Canadianism. Must be. No one else on the crew did it and he damn sure didn't. 

The sign bugged him. He hated unknowns and hadn’t caught the message this time or the last time either. He thought he’d seen ‘your c-’ at the end. The only thing his mind could come up with was...well, there were a few inappropriate words but he couldn't imagine the powers that be putting those on a sign for everyone to read. He laughed quietly. Maybe it was cat. Odd but when in Canada? Hell if he knew.

"Something funny?" Kaidan questioned from beside him.

"Nah, just a random thought." He wasn't about to elaborate on where his thoughts had gone and have his LT thinking he was some degenerate. 

What would a moose lick anyway? Some of his dad’s family had moved to Canada a million years ago, roughly, and so he’d paid a bit more attention in school when the subject came up. He knew what moose were, how large the animal was. 

But why for all that's holy would you have to worry about them licking something? Why was it an issue? And why a cat, if that's what it read. 

“Are moose abundant out here?” he asked in the silence. 

Kaidan glanced at him, expression unreadable. ”Yeah,” he answered, drawing the word out slowly, like he was wondering if Niall was having him on. 

“Okay. Then, why is it important for them not to lick...something specific?” This was ridiculous. It had to be a cat. Nothing else made sense. He looked over at Kaidan, the LT's eyes on the road. "Cat! Dinnae let them lick your cat!" 

Several seconds passed by and Kaidan didn't answer. So Niall rushed on as he faced forward,  trying to fill the silence and not look like an idiot for having asked this stupid question in the first place and for figuring out the answer. “I mean, moose are big, at least from the pictures I saw as a lad in school and what my da told us. And cats are wee bitty things comparatively. So, it makes sense, then. They’d either trample the wee kitty or if they were to swipe it with their large tongue, the ball of fur would go flyin through the air and land yards away or some shite.” 

He stopped to take a breath. Still, nothing but silence from the driver’s seat. He risked a glance at Kaidan, trying to gauge his reaction. His shoulders were shaking and Niall finally realized Kaidan was laughing. 

“Are you...” he squinted, “are you laughin' at me?” He couldn’t believe his LT had the balls to make fun of him. Well, actually he did, because in their time on the Normandy, they’d become solid friends. Living in close quarters and having each other’s backs - saving each other's lives countless times - said a lot for who you worked with day in and day out, cemented a bond often stronger than family ties. 

“N-n-no,” Kaidan denied, struggling to speak between snickers. 

“Aye, Mr. Canada, go ahead. Laugh at the Scotsman flounderin' in unknown waters.” Niall crossed his arms in a huff, turning to stare out the window. 

“I’m sorry. Really," he placated when his commander continued pouting. "Hey, look!" He spoke excitedly but Niall wasn't buying it, refusing to turn his head. "Is that the message on the signs you were asking about?"

Finally turning to look, Niall squinted, trying to read the words before they disappeared again. “Yeah. So?” 

“Um, maybe read the whole thing?” 

“Are ya daft? I ha' been. Clearly, it says ‘Don’t let a moose lick your c--”

“Car!” Kaidan finished for him. 

It took a few seconds for Niall to process the change in wording in his head, so sure he’d been able to fill in the blanks. 

Just in time to catch the message before they drove underneath it and away, Niall gazed up again. Sure enough, Mr. Canada was right. 

“Don’t let a moose lick your car," he repeated. 

Well, there were other things he'd thought of. Nowhere in the vicinity of cat, though. 

But those other ideas also led his mind down a few paths better left untraveled. For now.

#mshenko #mass effect #kaidan alenko #custom shepard #Niall Shepard #writing #maxwrites

[ezrisdax-archive]

sweet

because @omegastation said “and now i crave a "friends & family find them so cute" fic” well here I am... (also here on ao3)

~~

“Keelah, they’re doing it again.” Tali said from where she sat in the mess hall, her helmet resting in one hand and her elbow on the table.

In front of them in the kitchen Kaidan was slicing some kind of meat, Ashley at his side laughing about something.

“Are all humans this bad?” Garrus asked, glancing over at James for some kind of confirmation.

“Nah,” James said with a shrug, “But didn’t you say that those two have been circling each other since the original Normandy.”

It was mostly only because Garrus shifted his gaze but James saw him and Tali exchange a glance.

“I don’t know if they were worse then.” Tali mused, “They weren’t together yet and it was exhausting watching them find excuses why they couldn’t be.”

“Eventually Wrex got sick of it and told them they both needed to put out and shut up. He really had a way with words.” Garrus’ mandibles shifted in what James recognized as a Turian smile.

“I think he regretted that almost immediately.” Tali said with a snicker. “Because then he had to put up with them being in love for a month before he finally left the ship.”

James grunted his agreement at the sentiment but then leaned back in his chair to cross his arms. “Guess it’s nice though. That Canadian Bacon and Stanza got together.” He watched as Ash stole a sliced vegetable from the bowl in front of them and Kaidan chided her but still leaned in to kiss her. “Gotta take all the wins we can in this war, yeah?”

Tali and Garrus didn’t refute him.

“Speaking of wins, what’s the next betting pool on them, who proposes first?”

“It’s 50 credits to get in and you’ll have to see Joker.” Tali told him.

“Hey if uh those two get married we can say they’re that poetry thing that Stanza likes right? A couplet?”

He didn’t need to see under a Quarian’s mask to tell Tali’s unimpressed stare matched Garrus’.

In the kitchen Kaidan and Ash were still kissing. Wasting valuable cooking time, shame on them, James thought.

~~

Shepard frowned as she watched Ashley go to comfort her sister; it was hard just standing there unable to really do anything concrete.

“Don’t worry, Shep, I’ve got her back.” Kaidan said from next to her but despite his steady tone Shepard the worry and concern coming from him was basically palpable.

Unbidden her lips quirked upwards, “Just her back?” Shepard couldn’t help but tease.

Kaidan’s eyes widened a little before he chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, yeah, all the rest of her too.”

Shepard snickered and clapped him on his shoulder. “Nice to see you two haven’t changed.” She meant that genuinely. She hadn’t been surprised to see the both of them together on Horizon, it’d be nice her old teammates still had each other. Even nicer that now all three of them were back together again and kicking ass in the name of the Spectres. “Ever think you’ll get out of the newlywed phase?”

Kaidan reached up to pat her hand still on his shoulder, “Yeah yeah.” Kaidan grumbled but it was good naturedly.

In front of them Ashley was still hugging her sister and Kaidan shifted automatically when it looked like they were about to part.

Shepard glanced between them, shook her head, and smiled. “You’ve got this.” She said and patted his arm one last time before she left.

~~

Sarah’s vision was a little blurry from the tears as she pulled out of her sister’s embrace. It was good of Ashley to come, it meant a lot that at least she could have one sibling there.

From the corner of her eye she caught someone walking their way and squinted a little. He looked familiar.

It clicked a second later and Sarah dabbed at her eyes to save face a little before Kaidan Alenko appeared before them.

“Hey,” He said softly, his gaze mostly on Ashley but also on her. “I didn’t want to interrupt but you good?” He winced. “What am I saying of course you’re not good, sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Calm down, Kaidan.” Ashley elbowed him to stop his rambling. “We Williams women are built with sterner stuff.”

His eyes were warm along with the smile he gave Ashley and then he turned to her and cleared his throat. “Major Kaidan Alenko.” He offered her his hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Next to him Ashley hid her face in her hand and Sarah for the first time that day let out a little laugh.

“Ash has mentioned you a few times.” Sarah said and shook his hand. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“Wish the circumstances were better. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Sarah tried to blink back the tears in her eyes but nodded her thanks anyway.

“Come on, kiddo,” Ashley said, reaching over to take her hand. “Let’s get something to eat.” She squeezed Sarah’s hand, the ever comforting presence of her older sister made Sarah breathe a little easier.

Kaidan hesitated where he stood and Ashley rolled her eyes. “You can come too, Kaidan, if you behave.”

“When have I not?” Kaidan asked ruefully. “Actually, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know what you’d say.”

Years ago Sarah remembered calling her sister when she was on the original Normandy, saying something about how Kaidan was cute and Ashley should go for it.

He must have really been something for her to ignore all fraternization issues.

She let go of her sisters hand to loop her arm through Kaidan’s. “You should definitely come and tell me all about what my sister’s been up to.”

“Oh no.” Ashley bemoaned from beside her and Kaidan shot her a smirk before turning his attention to Sarah.

“Do I have some stories for you.” Kaidan said and they started to walk.

It wasn’t easy, leaving the memorial behind, Sarah’s heart hurt regardless of the location she found but at least her sister was doing well.

She glanced over at Ashley who was smiling at the back of Kaidan’s head, interjecting every now and then as he told the story.

Love looked good on her sister.

She just hoped Ashley got a happier ending then she did.

~~

“That’s another one for me, Spectre Williams you’re slowing down.” Kaidan yelled out as he tossed a reave at the Cerberus soldier.

“Just giving you time to get on my level, Spectre Alenko.” Ashley shot back and Liara could tell she was grinning under her helmet.

“And here I thought you liked me under you.” Kaidan said, at least right after he said it he looked a little embarrassed.

“Is now really the time?” Liara asked, she tried to keep her voice stern but the laughter spilled into it anyway.

“Disgusting.” Javik huffed from next to her.

“Oh hush.” Liara told him. “They’ve earned it.” She threw out a biotic shield around Ashley before some shots could reach her. “Not that I’m condoning this flirting on the battlefield.”

“Every one’s a critic.” Kaidan said with a sigh.

“They can critique us after we save all their asses.” Ashley said and took out another solider with her shooting.

It took another hour for the fighting to die down and Shepard to return with James and EDI.

Garrus crawled down from the perch he’d scrambled up to to take the sniper shots he needed. Tali collapsed next to Liara, her helmet lolling on Liara’s shoulder.

Across from them Ashley was pressing a cloth against a shot Kaidan had taken that had grazed his neck. Nothing serious thankfully but Liara could see she was worried.

Kaidan’s fingers brushed Ashley’s free hand as she lectured him about dodging.

Liara shook her head. “I suppose they’ll never stop.”

“Data collected from past events suggests it unlikely.” EDI said from beside her, making Liara jump. “Apologies, my stealth protocols are still engaged.”

Liara somehow doubt that was by accident.

“No, EDI, I’ve been friends with them for a while now. They’ll never stop.”

Not that they should have to, Liara thought, but a little less flirting in the middle of a battle would be nice.

~~

Johnson couldn’t explain the huge relief it was to see his commanding officer again. Their squad had been broken up for a while now and while he’d seen a few others, Kaidan had been shipped back to Earth and then apparently swept up with Commander Shepard.

It was really by chance Johnson was on the Citadel at the same time he was.

All though he was clearly interrupting something judging by the hand of the woman Kaidan was holding at the table where he sat.

“Sir!” Johnson snapped a salute.

“Johnson!” Kaidan laughed and stood up to give him a hug. “Glad to see you’re okay. How’s everyone else doing?”

“Depends on the day.” Johnson answered truthfully, no use trying to lie during a war.

Kaidan frowned at that but nodded in understanding.

“You gonna do introductions, Kaidan?” The woman at the table asked, her mouth twitched in amusement.

“Ah, right. Johnson this is Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams, Ash this is Johnson. He was a part of the biotics squad I’d mentioned.”

Ashley stood up to offer her hand. “Nice to meet you, Johnson.”

“Likewise ma’am,” Johnson began and then paused, “Wait, you’re Ash?”

Kaidan froze.

Ashley’s smile grew wider. “Something familiar about my name?” She looked over at Kaidan. “Talking about me, Alenko?”

Kaidan crossed his arms and cleared his throat. “Maybe a few times.”

Johnson’s gaze bounced between the two.

“Was it a few times?” Ashley asked, raising an eyebrow.

“More than a few ma’am.” Johnson said with a grin of his own now that he knew where this was going.

“Johnson…” Kaidan groaned, scrubbing at his face with his hand.

“He talked about how much he missed you.”

“That’s sweet, Kaidan.” Ashley said, her voice low in a tease.

“Can we talk about something else? Anything else?” Kaidan asked.

“No no, I think we should talk about this.” Ashley snickered.

“So what?” Kaidan threw back, “You didn’t miss me in those months we were separated.”

Her gaze softened. “I did.” Ashley said easily enough. “No one else is as nice a view.”

“Which view are you looking at?” Kaidan lowered his voice and Johnson squirmed a little.

It had been funny but hearing his old boss flirting was just bizarre.

He’d still have to tell the old squad about this though. They’d be dying to hear it.

~~

“Please tell me they’re not always like this.” Miranda said, taking another sip of her glass.

“They are.” Garrus replied.

“And now you get to put up with it too.” Tali said cheerfully and Miranda couldn’t tell if it was the glee that they’d share in the suffering or the alcohol talking.

“Least someone’s getting some.” Jack commented from the bar where she was mixing yet another drink. She grinned widely. “Though I hear Jacob is too.”

“Leave me out of this.” Jacob called out from another room entirely, his hearing apparently impeccable.

“Young love is often loud.” Samara offered softly and when she had joined the conversation Miranda wasn’t certain.

Ashley knocked her head against Kaidan, whispering something to him that had him laughing from where he sat at the poker table. She pointed at one of his cards and he shook his head, leaning over to say something to her this time.

Cortez and James exchanged a glance.

Kasumi flashed briefly in front of them, “You guys are sweet but can you play already?”

“The Kasumi creature is right. I wish this to be over.” Javik said.

“This game or…?” Liara asked, her question open ended.

Javik merely stared at her.

Ashley wrapped her arms around Kaidan, her head resting on her shoulder and Miranda didn’t think it had be a comfortable position given that she was standing but Ashley didn’t seem to care.

Later that evening Miranda pretended not see the two of them stumble into on of the bedrooms, Kaidan pressing a fond kiss against Ashley’s head as they leaned against each other.

~~

“Oh no.” Wrex crossed his arms and gave his best intimidating Krogan stare. “I’m not putting up with this again.”

Around them people buzzed, Earth’s rebellion hub a collection of activity.

“Not putting up with what again?” Kaidan asked but didn’t move his arm from Ashley’s waist.

“I told you two to get your act together years ago.” Wrex scoffed. “You humans don’t live long enough to be this stupid.”

“Wrex let them do it at their own pace.” Shepard said, coming up next to him.

“And see them dodge this for the next ten years? If I hadn’t said anything those two would still be pretending the other wasn’t interested.” Wrex held back another scoff but just barely.

“You are far too invested in our love life, Wrex.” Ashley said drily.

“I’m just the wisest thing here apparently.” Wrex shot back. “So quit acting like you two aren’t doing this forever and mate or whatever it is you humans do.”

“Does he mean mate like sleep together because I think we’re long past that.” Kaidan said, his voice equally as dry as Ashley’s.

Wrex rolled his eyes. “Shepard, translate.”

“Why do I-” Shepard sighed. “I’m guessing he means marriage. But they’ll get there when they get there Wrex.”

“Yeah we don’t want to mess up Joker’s betting pool.” Kaidan said, smirking at them.

“Despite that we already have.”

Shepard paused. “What does that mean.”

Kaidan and Ashley looked at each other and started to laugh.

“Oh?” Wrex’s booming laugh joined the fray, “Guess I was wrong. You two pulled your heads out of your quads after all.”

“Wait.” Shepard said. “You mean…”

“After Horizon.” Kaidan shrugged.

“Don’t worry Shepard, we both agreed we’d redo it with everyone around after we kicked the Reaper’s ass.” Ashley said.

“Also way to read our paperwork.” Kaidan said, his voice the picture of amusement.

“Who proposed.” Shepard demanded. At least she could still win a bet.

“Neither, we just…” Kaidan trailed off.

“Sort of agreed.” Ashley continued.

“No wonder you two are still newlyweds.” Shepard shook her head. “Joker’s not going to be happy to hear about this. I don’t think anyone won then.”

“We’re real broken up about that.” Kaidan said, deadpan.

“I’d say we won.” Ashley dropped her arm around Kaidan’s shoulder.

He tilted his head down to press his forehead against hers. “Yeah, I’d say we did.”

“This is all your fault.” Shepard accused Wrex without much heat.

Wrex sighed. “I miss when I wasn’t involved with any of you.”

“No you don’t.” Shepard, Ashley, and Kaidan all said at once.

“Humans.” Wrex grumbled and walked off.

“I’ll just leave you two to it. Just uh, maybe hold off on telling everyone until I can be there to see their reactions.” She turned to leave to give them some privacy but couldn’t help but glance back.

Kaidan and Ashley were once again too distracted by each other, laughing about some honeymoon joke.

Newlyweds, Shepard thought. At least she already had a wedding present, kicking the Reapers off Earth was bound to score her some points and make it the best one.

#trilogyappreciationweek #wilenko #ashley williams #kaidan alenko #omegastation #rannochs #wilenko fic #I'm actually pretty sure this doesn't make that much sense but I'm throwing it together anyway #beej writes

[crqstalite]

ghosts.

to be entirely honest, i got overly ambitious with this one. another wip i started earlier this year and decidedly didn’t finish. you’ll probably be able to tell where the original ended i picked it back up -- but i liked the concept, so here it is.

f!shenko. post-alchera, post-me1. mention of major character death.

-

"I've never liked attending funerals, mourning people in general. Reminds me of everything I failed to do, and if I couldn't do anything, then that I should've been able to," Her eyes bore into his, head in her hands, "It's so many should'ves, and not enough 'dids'."

"You did all you could."

She's just out of reach, eyes downcast at the gardens of the Presidium. Still smoking, still mangled. She'd always said she hated the color black, hated mourning, but had worn it anyway. He's not sure what to do, looking at her standing there, but he reaches out for her anyway, "Did I?"

"Kaidan?" He retracts his hand from where he'd reached, pushing his elbows off the railing to face Liara. Dressed in black, accepting the human tradition though looking uncomfortable. Tired, not all there with dark circles etched underneath her eyes, "Tali is looking for you."

It takes him a moment to find his voice as Shepard disappears, Liara taking her place, "Why?"

"She...wanted to say goodbye before returning to the flotilla." Her voice is quiet, hoarse. The Asari hadn't been taking the death well, one of the more affected crewmates after the tragedy. He doesn't know why, but it isn't as if she didn't care for Shepard as well.

"So soon?" It'd only been a few weeks since Alchera, not even a full month yet. He hadn't expected anyone to stay if they didn't want to, the investigation against Saren had been over for months now. And they had only been here for Shepard regardless. Now, they didn't have any reason to be together, much less on the same ship. He didn't expect to become so attached to all of them, watching them go wasn't something he wanted to do.

"She didn't give any reasoning to her departure, if you were wondering," Liara answers, "Possibly, she isn't interested in staying."

"Is there anyone staying?"

"Garrus mentioned wanting to return to Citadel Security. I believe Wrex will return to either his mercenary lifestyle, or to Tuchanka," She pauses, turning her big blue eyes back to him. It was odd to think she was still just on the cusp of becoming a young adult in Asari culture, yet at times, times like these, was when her younger nature came through. The whites of her eyes were a bloodshot red, puffy. She'd been crying again.

"I trust Liara. She's a bit naive, but she's brilliant. Wish I was like that when I was her age -- or however that translates to us humans," Shepard's voice again, as if she's standing behind him. Her fingers ghosting over his own, her head on his shoulder, "Poor girl though. Losing her mother. Can't imagine how much that hurts. She doesn't talk about it, little worried she's deflecting from the problem entirely."

"I met her family today. They were very kind, and expressed their gratitude that I'd been a friend of her's. They didn't seem surprised, but I suppose when one dies, no one acknowledges the fact you're Asari. Only that you knew them in their life, and they cared about you enough to tell those they cared about who you were," Liara continues, snapping him out of his thoughts as Shepard's presence fades, "Losing their daughter though, that must've been devastating for them. She was a lovely person."

"It never gets easier," He responds in agreement. He hadn't had the heart to talk to Captain Shepard when he'd seen her around. He's almost glad he hadn't seen the youngest Shepard daughter milling around, after having met her after Shepard's first near death experience, Kaidan doesn't think he could find any other words to comfort her with, "I can't imagine what they're going through."

"I understand you were close to her, Lieutenant. I will not pry, but I offer what condolences I can," She offers him a gentle smile, pulling at the corners of her mouth while a tear slides down her cheek, lip quivering, "I did not expect for her to become so much to me so quickly. Why I find myself more upset about this than the events of Noveria, I'm surely broken."

"You're not broken, Liara. It's natural to grieve."

"For someone you knew for a few months instead of the woman who raised you?" Liara questions, "I think about this, some days. Had she not come to find me on Therum, whether I'd even be here today. How even though I was an alien to her, that she still cared for me as a friend. She did not mind me, in fact enjoyed my company. She did not poke fun at me when I didn't understand human mannerisms. She taught, she guided. Answer me this, Kaidan, why was she so important? Why is it impossible to stop thinking about her?"

I wish I knew, "She was a friend. Inspired a lot of people. She appreciated everyone, gave them purpose. It's normal for us to miss her, she gave her life so the rest of us could get off the Normandy," He answers, "There aren't a lot of people like her. Doubt we'll meet another Shepard in our lifetimes."

"Ashley gave her life to save ours, Kaidan. Maybe it was because of us, maybe I will feel horrible about it for the rest of my life, but I don't think I made the wrong decision, if that's what you're asking. I...would've switched places with her in a heartbeat, if it meant both of you would live. But fate doesn't work that way, and I chose you."

She'd been a mess then. Angry, frustrated, sad. Pacing around the mess late at night when she couldn't get to sleep -- he'd watched her fall apart. Losing Ashley had destroyed her, and yet she somehow made it sound like the right decision. It echoes in his head.

He still wonders if she chose right. He wonders if he chose right, going ahead to the escape pod instead of stubbornly staying with Shepard and forcing her along with him.

Now he'd never know.

"I suppose," She says shakily, gently wiping away rogue tears with delicate hands, "Ah, you are right. Still, she is someone I will not forget easily, but grief is finite. It is better we see her for how she was in life -- someone we were lucky to meet."

"That's all we can do," He agrees. And he echoes the sentiment, maybe it had been luck that drew them together. Maybe circumstance, he can't quite place it, "You know Shepard, she wouldn't have wanted us to wallow in that sadness."

"I do not believe Shepard intended to die," Liara gives him a quizzical look at the comment, before a gleam of understanding flashes through her eyes, "Oh. No, I suppose not. I do hope that where she's gone, that she's at least at peace for once. She's done so much for the galaxy, it is only fair that she finally rests."

"Vancouver, you said?" Liara grows quiet while Shepard's presence fades back, "I like the idea. Never been up there, but after this cruise, we'll carve a little time out for us. How's that sound?"

Her grin isn't really there, nor is the kiss that she'd pressed to his cheek just a moment after the sentiment was made. None of her is, "Yeah. It's only fair."

Liara takes her leave a little while later, the silence beginning to suffocate the both of them. The procession begins to thin out sometime after that, but he's still struggling to wrap his head around it. And he shouldn't be, not after she's already been gone so long. A part of him misses her more than he can verbalize, or even really rationalize.

What he'd give to have her back.

"The galaxy didn't end after Virmire, as much as I was convinced it would. Ash’s mom even called me once. I thanked her daughter for her service, and we talked for a while. Didn’t rip in to me for it, even though I deserved it," Soft, yet firm. He remembers how she'd leaned against a railing similar to this one, a lazy half-grin on her face before turning to him, "If anything happens to me, no one sets the galaxy ablaze. That's how we get villain origin stories."

He should move on, he hasn't even known her that long, and yet she's all that he can think about.

He's not sure he wants to live in a galaxy without her.

#kodelyn shepard #f!shenko #oc #original character

[theoriginalladya]

Goodnight kisses for the Coats pairing of your choice?

from this list

On AO3 here

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!  Sorry it took so long, but here we go!!!  My first Alenkoats piece published!!!  Thank you so much for asking for this!  It works so well for their setup, I couldn’t resist!  Enjoy!

setting:  Far Rim, Milky Way, 2187

characters:  Major Kaidan Alenko, Major Benjamin Coats

~~~

Next Stop...

Kaidan pauses on his way out of the cryo-processing room on board the Vaul.  The first of the new arks based off the Andromeda Initiative schematics they’d found is ready for its maiden voyage, and he is one of the fortunate passengers, but that doesn’t come without a cost.  The room behind him is nearly empty now; he is one of the last pushed through.  With each of the thousands of passengers leaving, the room fills with an eerie silence, one that leaves Kaidan’s nerves a little on edge.  When he reaches the observation window, he stops long enough to simply stare out at the dying sun of Dholen in the distance.  From the safety of the Vaul, everything looks so safe, so peaceful, and yet he knows it is anything but.  With each passing day, the threat of the reapers inches ever closer.  Soon, there won’t be a safe space left in the entire galaxy.

Unformed words, more thoughts than anything, come to his mind in the shape of prayer as the quiet blankets him.  He recognizes the irony of it; he is not, by nature, a praying man.  Too many life experiences, too many years serving in the military, too many personal losses that only prove that if there is a God out there, he has no care for the world, the galaxy, and those who make it their home.  Forget Vyrnnus and the disaster that was BAaT.  Forget the loss of friends, family, innocents, so very many of them over the years and throughout the war.  How can God exist when creatures like the reapers exist to destroy it all due to the whim of some apex race millions of years before?

He is pulled from the steadily increasing downward spiral as a hand settles on his shoulder, another at his waist.  He knows this touch, the weight of it as familiar to him as breathing.  In all honesty, he thrives on it these days.  Right now, he accepts the quiet reassurance it brings and leans into it. “Thinking awfully hard for someone about to take a long nap, love,” Ben murmurs near his ear.

Kaidan huffs softly and pulls his gaze from Dholen to glance over his shoulder.  Concerned steel grey eyes meet his.  “There’s a lot to think about.”

“Enough to get lost in your head again?”  Coats moves to the side giving Kaidan space to maneuver his crutches as they head out of the room together.  

“You know me.”

They chuckle in companionable silence as they head to the cryo storage bay.  It is a daunting sight to see the vast numbers of pods already stowed away for the long journey.  Kaidan pauses halfway into the room, staring up at them.  He knows good and well some of his best friends, his only remaining friends, have already taken to their six hundred year sleep.  He and Ben are among the last.  But along with that knowledge comes lingering doubt.  He looks over at his husband again.  “Are we doing the right thing, Ben?  Leaving the Milky Way?  If the rest get caught before they can leave…?”

Coats slides an arm around Kaidan’s shoulder in a comforting hug.  “What else can we do?  Earth’s gone, or soon will be.  Palaven. Thessia.  Tuchanka.  The rest won’t take long after that.  We have nowhere else to go.”

A small shudder works through him.  Ben’s arm tightens to keep him upright.  Kaidan accepts the support without question.  We’ve lost so damned much…  “Do you really think we’ll find a better life in Andromeda?”

“Hey, now, what’s this all about?” Ben asks, tilting Kaidan’s chin just enough so their eyes meet again.  Kaidan flushes, battling back embarrassment.  It’s been such a long battle, and he hates giving up before the fight is completely over.  “Why all these doubts now?  You helped lead us to this point.  Don’t you want to go?”

“I do,” he agrees quickly and without looking away.  “Of course, I do.  It’s just… The Milky Way is our home.  It feels too much like we’re… being chased away by the neighborhood bully, you know?  We’re quitting.  Giving up.”

Coats guides him over to the side of the room, out of the way of a small group entering the cryo bay after them.  Kaidan peeks over, notices one of the asari he and Ben spoke to after their arrival in the Far Rim.  We’re all in this together.  Human.  Asari. Turian.  Quarian.  Geth. Salarian.  Hanar.  Elcor. Drell.  Volus.  All of us.  

It’s been eighteen months since the battle in London was lost.  The reapers still harvest.  Shepard and Anderson are both MIA, presumed dead.  The Normandy is gone, no sight or sound, another casualty of that battle.  The Citadel, their only hope in keeping the galaxy united to confront the reaper threat, completely destroyed by the reapers.  What other choice do they have?

“Hey.”

Pulled out of his thoughts again, Kaidan returns his attention to Ben, who slides a hand up the side of Kaidan’s neck until his thumb strokes his scruff covered cheek.  Kaidan tilts his head into the touch.  This… this is why.  Neither of them have any family left; the reapers have seen to that.  They only have each other.  Until death do us part.

“Not doubts,” Kaidan whispers.  “Not really.  Just… regrets.”

Ben tips his forehead until it touches Kaidan’s and gently covers Kaidan’s lips with his own.  The kiss is soft, sweet, a memory from the past as well as a promise for the future. When the kiss breaks, Ben’s smile is, as always, present.  “This nightmare will end,” he promises.  “We’ll sleep for a while –”

Kaidan chuckles softly.  “Six hundred years is ‘a while’ to you?”

Ben silences him with another quick kiss.  “A while,” he repeats.  “Then we’ll wake up, the reapers will be gone, and we’ll find a home.  Together. How’s that sound?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Kaidan sees one of the cryo techs approaching.  Their time has run out, it seems.  “Sounds good,” he replies as he takes a step back with the aid of his crutches.  

Ben moves to his side and they follow the technician to find their cryo pods.  Kaidan is first to enter his with his husband’s help.  Getting settled takes a few moments given his injuries.  Before the lid closes, Ben leans over and ghosts one last kiss across his lips.  “Next stop, Andromeda.”  

Kaidan nods, lifting his left hand to trace his fingers over Ben’s face.  “I’ll see you in the morning,” he quips, his fingers lingering as long as they can. By the time Ben backs away and the technician lowers the lid to the pod, Kaidan’s eyes are already closing.  

Next stop, Andromeda…

#kissing prompts #ladya writes #Alenkoats #Kaidan Alenko #Major (Ben) Coats #Mass Effect #Mass Effect: Andromeda #Crossover fic #OTP: Once and for All Time #thanks so much for asking!!! #ghostxofxartemis

[kaidans-alenko]

Citadel Noire

Write the detective au you want to see in the world and I did, it kept bothering me so I sat down and decided to make it a collection of one shots because their buddy cop potential is too good. Although some how I made it a tad darker but I have a tendency to do that. 

AO3 Link

Kaidan splashed cold water on his face in an attempt to wake himself up, that brief two hour nap was the most sleep he's gotten lately and he wasn't the only one. The whole station has been sleep deprived as of late, missing persons cases usually involve more coffee than they do actual shut eye. 

"How are you doing Alenko?"  His partner Garrus asked as he leaned up against the doorway. 

"Fine, just shaking off my nap." Kaidan told him as he patted his face down with a towel.

Garrus pushed himself off the wall and walked over to him "Shepard and Taylor found something they want us to see but if you still need a moment I can go ahead." He said softly, placing a gentle hand on Kaidan's shoulder. 

"I appreciate that Vakarian but I'm okay, really I'm just tired." He told his turian partner, the dark circles under his whiskey brown eyes further adding to his statement. 

"If you're sure…" Garrus said as he watched Kaidan make a half assed attempt at fixing his tie before giving up. "Here, let me." 

Kaidan turned to him an eyebrow quirked up "No offense, but since when do you know how to tie a tie? Let alone fix one." 

"Just shut up and let me help you." 

Kaidan shrugged, a small smile tugging at his lips "Be my guest." 

Garrus clumsily took a hold of the front of his tie, his talons making it harder than it had to be. Slowly he started pulling the knot in the front up his shirt to his collar. "Is that too tight?" He asked, blue eyes looking into his brown ones, making Kaidan blush at the closeness.

"No...it's perfect, thank you." Kaidan's tan skin had a light tinge of pink to it and Garrus wasn't quite sure but that's probably what humans called...blushing? Yeah that was the word Shepard used. But why was he blushing? 

"Are you sure you're feeling okay? Your face is a bit pink." Garrus pointed out, only making his human partner more flustered.

"Come on, we shouldn't keep them waiting." Kaidan said as he turned away and walked ahead of him, it could've just been the amount of time they've been spending together but his feelings for Garrus are slowly evolving from professional and bordering on romantic, it wasn’t the fact that Garrus was another man or even that he was an alien that bothered him, they were partners. It wasn’t exactly frowned upon, there was no official rule about it, if there was Jacob and Buttercup wouldn’t be together but it could get in the way of a case. If a suspect made them choose between each other or the victim things could get really complicated really quickly. Kaidan liked to think they’d both be able to make the decision to save the victim over each other but he couldn’t be sure, maybe it was time for a new partner. It’s not what he wanted, but it would be for the best. 

“What did you get?” Kaidan asked the pair of detectives, Garrus following close behind him.

“Well…” Jacob opened the holo journal, pulling up the most recent entries  “the victim’s mother stopped by with her journal, thought it might help the case.”

“And will it?” Garrus asked.

Jacob nodded “I believe so, all the entries are from the time period she went missing.” 

“Is her mother still here?” Kaidan asked.

“That she is, she wanted to stay in case we had any questions, she’s pretty hysterical but who can blame her.” Buttercup answered.

Kaidan nodded “Yeah…” he didn’t have kids himself, so he couldn’t imagine what she was going through but he was going to do everything he could to get Nef back to her. 

“Where is she now?” Garrus asked.

“Put her in an interrogation room, had Verner go get her some coffee, figured having him talk her ear off might distract her.” 

Jacob chuckled “Come on Butters, hasn’t the lady suffered enough already?” he joked as he pulled up the entry she made just a day before she disappeared. 

Nef’s face popped up on the screen, a bright smile on her face “Cycle forty-two, orbit sixty-seven. She’s going to take me to her apartment tonight! Whatever happens, I want to be with her forever.” 

“Any idea who she could be talking about?” Kaidan asked.

“None, although probably a girlfriend from the sound of it.”

“I’ll play the next one.” Jacob said, pulling up the middle entry.

“Cycle thirty-six, orbit six-hundred seventy one. Am I a freak? Morinth is a girl like me and she’s definitely not human. When we dance and the Hallex is flowing through me...the way she looks at me with a hunger, a longing….no ones ever looked at me like that, we kissed tonight.”

Buttercup looked at them “Funny, the mom didn’t mention a relationship.”

“Maybe she wanted to keep a secret, sure maybe the same sex aspect wasn’t an issue but the alien aspect could’ve been.” Kaidan said, mainly speaking from experience. His parents were extremely accepting when he came out but that was probably because they assumed he met human men, which he did, until he partnered up with Garrus and now he wasn’t too sure the reaction would be as accepting if he one day told them he was dating a turian and here he was again, fussing over things that would probably never happen anyway. 

“Only one way to find out, one of us should go question her.” Buttercup said. 

 “I can go talk to her, too many of us in there might overwhelm her.” Kaidan told her.

“Good idea, you’re better with victims then I am.” Garrus said, giving him a friendly pat on the back. 

“Agreed, we’ll stay here and see what else we can dig up and let you know.” Jacob called after him as he pulled up the last entry in her journal. 

----------

Kaidan walked into the room, Conrad and Nef’s mother Diana turning to look at him “Oh, detective Alenko, good to see you, I was just dropping off some coffee.” 

Kaidan didn’t mind Conrad too much, like the other people at the precinct he put up with him but right now his voice was a little too loud for the growing headache he had. “That’s great Conrad, thank you, I need to talk to our guests now, could you give us some privacy?” he asked, giving him the best smile he could. 

“Of course, just let me know if you need anything.” He saluted before walking out of the room, Kaidan letting out a sigh “Thanks for coming down Ms-”

“Just Diana is fine.” She told him as he took a seat across from her. 

“Okay Diana, i’m detective Alenko, I wanted to ask you some questions about your daughter if you’re up for it.” 

Diana wiped her eyes “Of course, anything to find my baby.” 

“Thank you, now in her journal she mentioned a Morinth, it sounded like they were romantically involved, to your knowledge was she seeing someone?”

“So the journal helped? Oh thank goodness!” she said on a sob “I know of Morinth yes, I wouldn’t exactly say they were in a relationship, i’ve never met her and it seemed they only hung out at Purgatory.”

Kaidan nodded as he took some notes “Purgatory...and how often did she go out?” 

“My daughter didn’t have many friends so not often, until she met her.” Kaidan got the feeling she didn’t like whoever this Morinth was and he couldn’t blame her. According to Buttercup and Jacob who talked to her first, Nef had changed drastically after meeting this mystery woman.

“She also mentioned Morinth wasn’t human, any idea what species she was?” 

“An asari.” 

That was interesting, he’d run into quite a few asari mercenaries and if that were the case they would have requested a ransom and this could've been over and done with a lot sooner. “She didn’t mention the Blue suns or Eclipse?” He knew the answer but he wanted to cover all his bases just in case. 

“Not from what I recall, no, I probably would’ve come by a lot sooner if that was the case.” she placed her head in her hands “how could this happen? I thought the Citadel was supposed to be safer than Omega.” 

If there’s one thing Kaidan has learned from this job it’s that no where is really safe, evil can be found around every corner and it’s unfortunate she learned that the hard way. “We’re going to do everything we can to find your daughter ma’am.” he wasn’t going to make any promises, it would only get her hopes up and he hated to say it but Nef was probably dead by now, he was still going to do his best to find her body, but right now their main objective was to find this Morinth and bring her in to answer for what she did to this innocent girl and her mother. 

----------

“Well…” Buttercup sighed as the four of them looked at Nef’s body “anybody surprised?” she asked.

“I want to be.” Jacob answered grimly. 

“Any idea what happened here Chakwas?” Kaidan asked.

“Physically I don’t see anything, could’ve been an overdose, i’ll know more when I get to the lab.” She answered. 

“Now onto our favorite part, which one of us is telling her mother?”Buttercup asked.

“Garrus and I can go and then will meet you at the autopsy.” Kaidan suggested.

“Sounds good to me, Buttercup?” Jacob asked, turning to look at her.

“Works for me if it works for y'all, lets go.” Buttercup liked to act like she was fine and not tired but she usually kept her accent in check, lest she confuse the translators so the fact it was slipping meant this was finally getting to her. 

Kaidan’s shoulders sagged as soon as he and Garrus were somewhat alone “I wish we found her sooner.” He said softly. 

“I know, but hopefully Chakwas will give us a lead so we can get justice for her.” Garrus placed a hand on his shoulder, jostling him a bit in an attempt to cheer him up.

“Yeah...that’s the idea isn’t it?” If it was an overdose was Morinth really responsible? Maybe she gave her one to many Hallex and panicked when Nef passed out. Not a behavior he particularly condoned but it wasn’t a murder charge. Something told him it wasn’t a simple overdose but with no obvious external injuries what could it be? He really hoped Chakwas could find something. 

#kaidan alenko #garrus vakarian #alenkarian #mass effect fanfiction #jacob taylor #buttercup shepard #otp: guys being dudes