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louellaby · 7 months

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FORGET-ME-NOT

REPLACED!MC AU

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W A R N I N G

May contain bad grammar, limited vocabulary, and OOC characters. Please mind that English is not my first language, and it takes a lot of courage for me to post due to my anxiety and paranoia.

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taglist: @books-and-catears @owl778 @yourlocalgrass @kaiserkisser @hhurric4ne

C H A P T E R V I I

「 To My Dear Family 」

"MC, we're leaving now. Take good care of the house with Soley until we get back. Make sure nothing bad happens or there will be consequences. Am I clear?"

The demon brothers were summoned to the castle by Diavolo. It seemed something so important, having the need to summon them so early in the morning. Lucifer said to make sure nothing bad happened while he was going on and on about minding the mansion, but you knew he wasn't talking about the building. He wanted you to make sure nothing bad happens to Soley. Otherwise, it's him you'll answer to.

"Yes, Lucifer. I heard you loud and clear. I hope you have a safe trip."

As soon as the seven of them departed without saying much to you, you headed towards your bedroom in hopes of studying the material Solomon gave you as homework. When you passed by Soley's room, you noticed how quiet it was. As if you were infected with the brothers' care for her, worry filled you, and you immediately knocked on the door. There was no answer, so you knocked once more. Just as you were about to knock again, you received a message on your D.D.D. from the girl herself.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

S O L E Y

Hello, MC. I went out today with a few of my demon friends.

Lucifer already knows this.

Don't worry about me though, I'll be fine on my own.

Do you want anything from the village?

I'll bring it back home for you.

Y O U

To which village are you heading?

You should have told me that first before you left. Lucifer never said anything about you leaving today.

S O L E Y

Well, maybe he forgot to tell you.

Although, I did tell him last night when we were in his office.

Maybe it slipped his mind because his paperwork's been piling up again.

Y O U

That's weird...

Lucifer usually never forgets anything, nor does he let anything slide right by him.

Are you sure you told him?

S O L E Y

Whether you believe me or not is up to you. It won't change the fact that I'm already outside, and I'm not telling you where I am since you'll just drag me back to the house.

I'm not a little girl anymore, MC, I can take care of myself. Tell Lucifer and his brothers that, too, because they tend to worry so much about me.

Too much even.

Y O U

You really should be more careful, Soley. Those boys are worried for good reason.

I know you think you can handle yourself, but just remember that you're in the Devildom.

This place is dangerous for humans like us. So please tell me where you are so I can at least come and protect you in any case something happens.

... Soley?

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

You didn't receive a reply, which made you anxious. Taking your coat with you, you dashed out of the house and headed towards Purgatory Hall. You had a feeling that Soley might have just ignored your message and didn't want to say anymore, but you couldn't risk it. You didn't want to risk anything at that moment.

As you were catching your breath from running a long way, you knocked at the door of Purgatory Hall. It opened shortly after your last knock and revealed a certain angel that displayed worry on his face the moment he laid his eyes on you.

"MC? What are you doing here? Did you run all the way here from the House of Lamentation?" Cassiel was there by your side when you almost fell to the ground. Not only were your legs trembling, but also your hands, and just your whole body. The angel first assumed that you were frightened, but a glint of a certain look in your eyes told him something different.

"M-MC!" The two of you heard a voice from down the hall of the entrance. A young angel came running towards you as soon as he saw you from the window of his bedroom. You tried to look as well as you could, but you couldn't fool him. Letting the older angel carry you inside, Luke followed the two of you shortly after closing the front door. Simeon and Solomon entered the living room where Cassiel placed you on the couch, and Luke handed you a cup of warm tea he brewed before you arrived.

But you knew you had no time for all of that. You told them what was troubling you. At first, they, too, were worried until a few seconds passed, and the thought came to them. Was it really a bad thing for Soley to disappear?

"Please help me find Soley and bring her back home! I... I need to make sure she's safe. Otherwise, my p—...p— I just.. —p-please....!" You bowed your head towards them after speaking as fast— or even faster than Leviathan whenever he's in one of his moods. They barely understood your words, so they missed the slip-up in your stuttering. You looked at all of them with your adorable puppy eye look. It was something you knew they could never resist, and something you very much needed.

Seeing a lot of ripples from the cup of tea in your hand due to your shaking, Luke grew more worried about you. You knew the young angel wouldn't allow anything bad happening to Soley, even when he wasn't fond of her as well. He was a proper angel in the making, after all.

"We have to find her quickly!" Luke exclaimed as he looked at Simeon and Solomon for help. Simeon nodded in agreement. Solomon hesitated. He looked at you, wondering if that's what you really wanted. When you nodded at him, he sighed deeply and agreed to help. He really couldn't say no to you.

Before the sorcerer could leave the room to prepare a way to locate Soley, he received a message from one of his pact demons. Barbatos himself. He then informed the rest of what the butler told him.

"Apparently, we don't have to worry about Soley anymore. Barbatos said that she's secretly being monitored, so if something happens to her, he'll be alerted right away."

Barbatos, huh? A wave of relief washed your troubles away, making you melt onto the sofa. Luke dropped himself on the spot next to you, and he rested his body against yours. He looked happy to see you again... It hurt. Why couldn't they look at you like that anymore?

After a few hours of catching up with them and getting to eat Luke's delicious cookies again, you headed back out. You agreed to let Cassiel walk you home, knowing he had something he wanted to talk to you about, and it was making you wonder. As if he could read your thoughts, he answered that question.

"Did you make up your mind yet, MC?"

"... Yes, actually.... I'm going to leave."

"I see... Back to the Human Realm, then?"

You smiled sadly in response. You looked around you and watched as the lights shone upon every demon in the streets. You passed by the stores filled with memories of you and the brothers. Memories that seemed to be too far away from your reach.

When you reached for the gates of the house, Cassiel grabbed your hand and squeezed it for a tiny moment. You quietly questioned his intentions before he spoke up, "When you ever need something, please don't hesitate to tell me. You may not think I'm as reliable as the brothers, but I'm sure I can help you in a way they can't.... So when that happens..."

The way the angel was acting made you wonder something about him. Was he always like that? Now that you thought about it, you've never had the chance to judge his character properly. You've never really seen him at the moments when he's most happy, sad, excited, or flustered. So, in the end, you ended up taking his offer. When you did, he smiled with content and waited for you to head inside the house before turning on his heels and heading back home.

You returned to your room, mind filled with thoughts. Disturbing, blurry yet clear, pretty little thoughts. Those were all you needed to pick up your pen and start writing on a piece of paper.

There, Soley sat on your bed as she fidgeted with a sealed envelope containing the letter you had just written. She recalled the sight of you when she had just returned home; you were walking down the stairs of the entrance hall, heading towards the front door with your packed luggage in hand.

"MC? Are you going somewhere?"

"Soley...! You're... home... Much, much earlier than I expected."

"Yeah, well... something happened... Never mind that— Where are you going?"

"I'm... I'm heading back to the human world."

Soley squealed with excitement, letting herself fall backwards onto your bed, hovering the letter she had already ripped open above her face.

"I left a letter for the brothers in my room... It's just on my pillow. So, if they don't see it tonight, can you give it to them tomorrow? I want you to make sure they read it after I'm already gone."

After she finished reading the contents of your message, she pushed herself up and ran out of your room. She rushed towards the common room, somewhere she knew the brothers wouldn't be around for long after just getting home. She made her way towards the fireplace and squatted down, carefully watching the flame dance before reaching the letter out to it. It didn't take long for the fire to engulf the whole thing, and the girl was smiling during the whole procedure.

The flame danced and danced and danced some more until there was nothing left of the papers but soot and ash. Soley jumped in surprise and got up on her feet when she heard the common room doors slowly creak open. She immediately dusted herself off and made sure she looked proper before facing the eldest born who had just entered the room.

"Soley, what are you doing so close to the fireplace?"

"Calm down, Lucifer. I didn't get hurt, I promise, so don't worry about me! I was just a bit cold, but I'm better now! Much, much better!"

"... Alright. We brought dinner from Hell's Kitchen, so head to the dining room. Everyone's already waiting."

"Okaayyy~!"

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

To my dear family,

I just wanted to say that I still love you no matter what happens, and I want the best for all of you. I've never thought that things would go this way. Not since you accepted me as part of your family all those years ago. I really wished it didn't come to this, but it's too late for that now.

I want you all to know that I'm happy for you. You're all cheerful and content with how everything is, and... that makes me really happy...

I'm writing this letter as a goodbye. A goodbye to all of our precious memories together and to what could have been. I'm really sorry that I went with this instead of personally saying goodbye, but even if I did get the chance to speak with you, I knew I wouldn't be able to bear it. I can't part with you while I look at your faces, so this is the best way. And, if there was any chance at all, I wouldn't want you to stop me.

By the time you're reading this, I've already left for the human realm. If you ever want to see me again, I added my home address and contact information on here. Please find me whenever you want to because I know for a fact that I would want to see you again and be part of your family once more. But for now, it's goodbye.

I'll be leaving my D.D.D. with Diavolo and Barbatos, so please don't contact me there anymore. It would be useless as I won't be able to see your messages.

Well... this letter has gone off long enough, so I'll stop here. Just remember that I love each and every one of you. I'm looking forward to you reaching out to me.

With all the love and wishes,

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

「 CHAPTER VI | CHAPTER VIII 」

#obey me #obey me mc #obey me shall we date #obey me angst #obey me replaced mc au #obey me brothers #obey me lucifer #obey me luke #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me barbatos #Forget-Me-Not

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mooodyblue · 1 year

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take my pressure to the moon, astronaut | austin x plussized!reader

summary: it's valentine's day and austin wants to treat you right, only for it to backfire due to the anxious thoughts in your head.

warnings: nsfw mdni p in v, mentions of body image issues, mentions of not wanting to eat, read at ur own discretion 🙏🏼 probably missing some warnings idk

wc: 2.2k

a/n: i had nothing planned for today but alas. had a breakdown last night, got an idea at midnight and stayed up till 3 am just to finish this in one sitting. i told myself how i wished there were more plus sized!reader fics that weren't just smut and here i go writing more smut. but it's valentine's day! please be mindful of the tags. stay safe and happy valentine's day my friends <3 title is from 1/6 by sunmi 💗

masterlist

you always hated valentine's day. but it was different this year considering you were with austin now.

previous years, you'd find yourself in the clearance isles the day after, stocking up on your favorite snacks and then have your own late celebration. however, you'd never admit that to austin. you'll still be checking out that clearance isle though.

you didn't think you'd actually get to spend the day with him considering his busy schedule. he'd specifically asked for the day off just to treat you today. you were pleasantly surprised when you woke up to breakfast in bed, made by austin. it was nothing fancy. the tray had a plate of waffles, fruit, toast, eggs and of course, your beloved iced coffee that had mostly milk and creamer in it because you hated the taste of coffee. it's the little things that austin remembers and it's one of the main reasons he won you over.

he set the tray next to you, smiling proudly. "just call me gordon ramsay!"

you looked at the tray, a surpised expression on your face. "oh, austin! this is so-"

"but wait, there's more! hold on." austin left to the room only to return shortly, a small bouquet of roses in hand. "happy valentine's day, baby." he handed you the roses and placed a kiss on your cheek before sitting next to you, moving the tray to your lap.

oh, you could have just cried right then and there. "i didn't even get to do anything for you." you frowned.

"don't worry about it, trust me." he chuckled. he took a piece of fruit from your bowl, "now eat! i have a fun day planned for us." he said, feeding it to you.

after breakfast, you washed up and sat down at your vanity to do your make up. austin joined you in the bedroom, propping himself up on the bed and scrolling through his phone as he waited patiently for you to finish.

"what do you have planned? should i be scared?" you joked, working on your eyes.

he looked over at you, "scared? maybe a little." you widened your eyes, snapping your neck at him. "i'm just kidding! don't worry about it. 'm gonna take you to go buy a new dress for dinner tonight, then i was thinking we could....."austin continued to list off your plans for the day, but all you could do was focus on him mentioning dinner. knowing him, he most likely booked a table for the two of you at a restaurant. a public restaurant.

"...ashley told me about this amazing place in beverly hills......" you weren't even paying attention anymore. the thing is, your weight never really bothered you. it didn't bother austin either, he loved you no matter what size you were. but for some reason, you suddenly felt self conscious at the idea of eating at a public restaurant where you could easily be photographed mid bite, just to end up on the cover of some headline about someone at your weight dating austin butler.

crazy enough, you'd never eaten in public with austin. no fancy dinner or lunch dates, maybe an occasional date at a cafe, but you'd usually just get a drink and nothing else. you refused to eat in public, it was a genuine fear that you had.

"you still with me?"

you looked at him through the mirror, going back to applying your eyeliner. "yeah, sorry."

dress shopping was rough on you, especially knowing someone could easily photograph you trying on unflattering dresses and dresses that were a bit too small on you. you'd gone through five dresses already and you ended up hating them all, it was frustrating. you wished he didn't have plans on taking you out to dinner tonight cause it definitely would have made shopping a little easier.

"austin, i don't like any of these." you said through the dressing room door. "and the last one you gave me didn't even fit, it's embarrassing."

"hold on, i'm still lookin'" he went through another rack, lips perking up at a red dress that was just your size, perfect for valentine's day. "try this one on." he tossed it over the door and stood by the wall, waiting for you to come out.

the dress did fit and you were surpised at how good it looked on you, smiling softly at your appearance in the mirror. you walked out of the stall, showing it off to austin. "what do you think?"

"oh baby," he whistled and motioned for you to turn around, giving him a show. "i'd have you right here in this store if i could." your cheeks warmed up at his words, feeling your self esteem get a nice boost. "you're buyin' that one. can't wait to show you off tonight."

those words kept lingering in your brain, how he was going to show you off. it scared you slightly. you had no issue being photographed with austin, although annoying at times cause y'know...privacy. but why were you suddenly so bothered by it? you refused to bring it up to austin. you know he worked hard to get these reservations and you didn't want to ruin his plans for you.

on the way to the restaurant, you felt yourself get even more nervous, anxiety bubbling up in your chest. you really didn't want to do this. austin would understand completely, but maybe you'll push through just for him.

unfortunately, you were seated directly across from a window, perfect for someone to snap photos of the two of you. the restaurant was also filled, which didn't help at all. "i told 'em to put us in the corner." he sighed, looking over at the window. "i think we'll be alright though."

he'll be alright, but you? who knows. you just smiled and nodded, looking down at the menu and looking for something not messy, something that wouldn't have people questioning your eating habits the next day.

everything on the menu worried you, there was no safe option and you were definitely going to be laughed at on social media no matter what you ordered. you gave up and went with a pasta.

you weren't giving much to the conversation, just nodding along and taking sips from your wine. austin could tell something was off and you knew. "you alright?" before you could answer, the food was brought out and you looked down at it, questioning whether or not you should eat it or take it to go. "y/n?" he knew the moment you looked up at him.

you really tried not to cry or even tear up, it was all just frustrating for you. you wanted to eat the pasta in front of you, but your brain wouldn't stop giving you all these scenarios of what people would think of you.

austin pushed plate over to your side and stood up. "scoot over."

"what are you doing?" you asked, looking up at him.

"just-" he gestured with his hands for you to move. you moved your plate to the side along with your body as he sat beside you, shielding you away from the people there. it was a little awkward having you two sit on the same side, but it was kind of sweet. "will you eat a little bit? just for me?"

you looked at him then back down at your food, picking up the fork and taking a bite from it, covering your mouth with your hand anytime you chewed just out of habit. you could tell it made austin slightly sad, but he was just happy to see you eat.

he decided against dessert which made you feel slightly bad. "are you sure you don't want dessert?" you frowned.

he placed a hand on your lap. "i have something at home."

you only ate half of your food, too anxious to eat but well enough to eat enough to make austin happy. you'll eat the rest for breakfast tomorrow, anyway.

his hand didn't leave your thigh on the whole ride home, occasionally squeezing it and caressing your soft, delicate skin.

"i'm sorry." you muttered.

"for what?"

you looked down at your lap, watching how austin's hand gripped at your thigh. "ruining dinner."

"you didn't ruin dinner." he sighed. "i'm just happy you ate. i'm proud of you, baby."

you gave him a warm smile, but there was still that slight feeling of dread for ruining dinner.

the moment you got home, you put your leftovers in the fridge. as you turned around, you were met with austin leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed as his arms darted up and down your body. "austin i-"

"don't." he walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist. "i wish you could see yourself the way i see you."

"oh, austin...." you rolled your eyes.

"listen to me." he moved his arms to cup your face, "you're gorgeous. you're the most beautiful human being i've ever laid eyes on. you have no idea how bad i wanted to rip that dress off of you and take you right there in front of everyone to see."

your cheeks got hot, a familiar sense of warmth running through your body.

"gonna fuck all of those nasty, little thoughts out of that head of yours. i promise you." he growled, crashing his lips onto yours. he caught you off guard, stumbling and having your back meet the fridge. your hands cupped at his jaw, letting his tongue slip through your mouth. his hands traveled all over your body, stopping at your breasts as he squeezed them through your dress. "love your tits so much." he muttered in between kisses.

you felt him hard against your thigh, only making you crave him even more. "fuck, austin-" you gasped.

you moved your hand to give him some pressure, only for him to slap your wrist away. "don't worry about me baby, let's focus on you." he pulled away from you slightly to bend down and hook his hands under your thick thighs. you let out a slight yelp as he lifted you up and brought you to the other side of the kitchen, slamming your back against the wall as he continued to explore your mouth, tasting the sweet, wine still on your lips from dinner.

you tried to pull yourself down, pulling away from his lips. "i'm too-"

"shut up." he met your lips again, coaxing you out of your thoughts once again. he began hiking up your dress to just above your dripping, wet cunt, tsking at the lack of underwear. he pulled the zip down of his dress pants, pulling himself out of his underwear and finally freeing his hard cock, glistening with precum as he wrapped his hand around himself, moving his fist up and down a few times. "see what you to do me? fuck."

you wrapped your legs tightly around his waist as your arms went to neck. "oh my god, fuck me. please." you begged.

he wasted no time and eagerly inserted himself into you, throwing his head back at the warm, right feeling around him. "feelin' so good around my cock, baby. keep those legs around me." he slammed in and out of you, watching as your breasts bounced along with his thrusts, the straps of your dress slipping with every move of his hips. "love this body of yours baby, takes me so fucking well. can never stop thinkin' about you."

there was something about knowing how you made austin feel, all of your insecurities from before suddenly feeling pointless. you wanted to appreciate your body more, after all, austin loved it therefore you should love it too. you were always so amazed at how much he loved your body, how he explored every part of it during sex, squeezing and kissing in all the right places. and now being fucked against the wall, his strong arms holding you tightly against it as he groaned into your neck, praises leaving his mouth left and right, you couldn't have asked for anyone better.

"oh my god, austin. austin, austin, austin." you moaned, throwing your head back as he hit your sweet spot.

"yeah, say my name baby." he slammed a hand against the wall as he moved his hips faster, nipping and kissing at your neck. "god, you were made just for me."

the sounds coming from the both of you were pornograpic, the sounds of your moans and juices filling the entire kitchen. you felt yourself getting closer, your orgasm bubbling inside you quickly. he knows it as he feels you flutter around his cock, earning a grunt from him as his own climax was approaching. "oh my pretty baby, love you so fuckin' much."

"aus, i'm gonna-" you whimpered.

"me too, c'mon. gonna fill you right up." his thrusts began to stutter, slowing down as his orgasm hit, moaning as he felt your walls clench right around him. "that's right, so perfect for me, good lord." he panted.

he kissed you again, pulling away and touching your forehead with his as the two of you caught your breaths. "marry me." he said breathlessly.

your eyes widened. "what?"

he let out a breathy laugh. "you heard me."

you didn't know what to say. there was so much to take in. he still had you pinned up against the wall, his cock was still inside you and he just came inside of you, now suddenly you're being proposed to. you let out a laugh, "i can't believe you just proposed to me with your dick still inside of me."

"still waiting for that answer."

you hummed, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. "let's do it."

taglist: @flwrs4aust @father-of-2cats @ellie-24 @dilfelvis @shantellescrivener @orngdrv @pennyroyalcreep @18lkpeters @purejasmine @ranaissinglw

#austin x reader #the gif makes me giggle

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stranger-fanfiction-n-things · 2 months

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CHAPTER 3: HOLLY, JOLLY

This is an Original Character fanfiction. All Stranger Things characters and content are owned by Netflix and The Duffer Brothers.

a/n: We love a heart to heart between friends. Virginity is such a controversial and nuanced topic and I wanted to dive into Nancy losing her virginity and not feeling the sparks and butterflies or like a new person. Having sex does not make you a slut.

Warnings: Violence.

Word Count: 2188

Masterlist

PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV || PART V

CHERRY OAK AND CORNWALLIS

“Nancy, what’s going on?” I ask for the fourth time. We are walking down the street towards the Motel 6 on the side of the road.

“We need to go back to Steve’s house.” Nancy finally answers.

I frown, shrugging off Nancy’s hold. “No.”

“Diana,” I shake my head not wanting to hear anything Nancy has to say. There was no reason to go to Steve’s house and I’m not going.

“I’m not going.” I say turning back towards Hawkins High.

“Diana, please!” Nancy shouts, pulling my arm again.

“Wha—”

“I think something happened to Barb!” she exclaims, tears brimming her eyes. I flinch as if she flicked me on the forehead. Nancy looks around and says more quietly. “I think something happened to Barb, and the last place we both saw her was at Steve’s house.” Nancy bites her lip to keep from crying. “I need you to come with me, Diana. Help me find Barb.”

“I called Mrs. Holland after lunch today and she said she hasn’t heard from Barb either.” She continues.

“Barb was supposed to be sleeping over at your house, remember?”

Nancy stands rigid, squeezing her eyes shut. She does this when she’s overwhelmed. After a brief second, Nancy opens her eyes, visibly relaxing but not enough. “I-I know,” she agrees. “I had to lie to Mrs. Holland.”

“If Barb isn’t at school and she isn’t at home—”

“She must be at Steve’s…” Nancy interjects, her expression strained and tight. “Somewhere.”

I frown shaking my head. “That doesn’t make any sense—”

“I know it doesn’t!” she shouts in panic. “But we have to check. It’s the last place we both saw her.”

I don’t say anything for a moment, trying to make sense of everything. Barb wouldn’t just disappear like that. Sure, she was upset with Nancy, we both were. But nothing a small conversation couldn’t fix. If something did happen to Barb, I can’t leave Nancy to find her on her own. It’s too dangerous. I puff out my cheeks blowing a breath that is strong enough to shift my bangs. The stubborn part of me wants to be mad at Nancy for putting us through this in the first place, but whatever happened in the past doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is finding Barb and I pray we do.

“Okay. Okay.” I respond. “But before we go to Steve’s we need to find Barb’s car. She wouldn’t leave without it.”

KERLEY AND MIRKWOOD

I think something happened to Barb. It’s enough to snap me out of whatever resentment I have been feeling towards Nancy…towards Barb. It’s been about half an hour since Nancy’s small outburst and we have been walking in silence since. I try not to panic but with each step, it gets worse and worse. The last time I saw Barb, I hugged her goodbye and told her to put a bandage on her finger to stop the bleeding. I remember the hug feeling like a…farewell. The thought sends a shiver down my spine. No. No. Barb is fine. She has to be.

“Diana!” Nancy says, holding my arm. She points ahead of her at a car parked on the side of the road. Barb’s car.

“Oh my god,” I gasp. We both rush to the car peering through the window.

It looks the same as when we left it last night. Nancy’s sweater is still on the passenger seat. Which means…Nancy and I exchange anxious glances.

“Barb?” Nancy shouts, looking around.

“Barb!” I shout right after.

Barb hasn’t been to her car since.

Neither Nancy nor I speak to one another as we walk to Steve’s house. I am consumed in paranoia at the thought of where Barbara could be. This morning, I assumed she was sick because we were outside for a long time in the cold and the way her finger was bleeding when I left, maybe she went to the hospital to get stitches. But when Nancy called it seemed as though Mrs. Holland hadn’t heard from her and it was unlike Barb to not call her parents. The feeling of dread formed then, but I pushed it down to be with Eddie and Ronnie. Then the mix up with Jonathan happened with Steve in the parking lot—

“Diana?” Nancy asks, touching my arm. “Are you okay?”

I move my arm away. “No, I’m not okay!” I exclaim. “We can’t find Barb! None of this would’ve happened if she just left with me.”

Nancy is quiet, blue eyes waiting for me to lash out. I sigh shaking my head, clenching my jaw. Walking back to Steve’s house felt like walking back to the scene of the crime. The scene of my emotional turmoil. It isn’t fair. Now with Barb’s car being abandoned in the same spot we left it last night. I can’t anymore.

“Nancy, what happened last night?”

“What do you mean?”

“By the pool.” Nancy cocks her head. “The way you were treating me and Barb…you weren’t you.”

“I was me. I was just having fun.”

“At the expense of Barb and I. You weren’t being a good friend to us, Nance. You forced Barb to drink, embarrassed me in front of everyone. We told you multiple times we don’t want to go to Steve’s house, but because you are our best friend, we stayed to support you and the way you treated us…”

“It wasn’t my intention to embarrass you guys.”

I’m sure she seen how uncomfortable you looked. Eddie’s voice said in my mind. I shake my head. “You didn’t see our discomfort because you were too drunk to notice and you pushed Barb and I away. Now she’s missing!” I can’t stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth. “Since when do you know how to shot gun beer? Do you even like beer?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were having as much fun as possible considering you and Barb didn’t want to be there.” Nancy answers.

“I felt like you didn’t want us there and when you told us to leave, it solidified that feeling. When Barb decided to stay, I had to walk home in the middle of the night!” I exclaim. “I just…These past few days have been so scary with Will missing and now Barb, I can’t!”

“We’re going to find Barb!” Nancy shouts, holding my shoulders. “We are going to find Barb.” She repeats. “We are going to find her.” I think she’s trying to convince herself more than me. Nancy lets go of me, running her hands through her hair. She wrings her hands out, pacing back and forth. “I feel like I’ve been messing everything up these past few days. I just feel like…I don’t know.”

I stare at Nancy, giving her a moment to compose herself. For as long as I’ve known Nancy, she has never been…fidgety or uncomfortable. I’m the fidgety one who is often uncomfortable in situations where I have to talk to people I don’t know. It makes me wonder what happened when she went up to Steve’s room. I touch her arm willing her to stand still.

“What’s wrong?” I genuinely want to know. “Did you walk home from Steve’s house too?”

“Yes! I got home at like 12am and then my mom started yelling at me and I was just so overwhelmed and we got into an argument.”

“About?”

“Well, the time I got home for one and then, I forgot I was wearing Steve’s hoodie and that became a whole thing.” We stroll down the hill. Nancy doesn’t speak for a long while and I give her the space to form her thoughts. “She asked if Steve and I were dating. And I don’t know why, but I felt…angry. Because why does it have to be labelled? I’m just having fun. What’s wrong with having fun with a boy?”

I don’t have to ask what “it” was, to know what “it” she’s referring to. “There’s nothing wrong with having fun with a boy. Just be mindful of how you treat your friends.”

“I’m so sorry, Diana. I swear it wasn’t my intention.”

“I believe you. I’m sorry I wasn’t trying to be involved. I just feel so out of place sometimes.”

“Me too. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I kept tossing and turning, thinking about…what happens now.”

“What do you mean?” I know what she means, but I want her to say it.

“I mean there’s so much talk about it being a life changing thing…but I feel everything and nothing. I don’t feel any different than I did before. I don’t feel attached either.” Nancy shrugs her shoulders. “When I was walking down the halls this morning, I felt like everyone was staring at me like they knew what I did. Steve came to my locker and he was really sweet. He didn’t tell anyone and I trust him. Then I realized. It’s okay. It was my choice. I feel happy and safe and I’m glad I shared that moment with him.”

I smile feeling at ease with how Nancy’s night went with Steve. I would hate to have to find my brother’s wrist-rocket to use on him. I nudge her softly and she nudges me back.

“It’s what I told you in the car. I won’t look at you any differently. I’m glad you enjoyed your time with him and it was on your terms.”

Nancy’s eyebrows rise along with her smile. “Me too.”

I link my arms between hers. This is the Nancy I know. I sigh deeply debating on if I should tell her or not. I decide I might as well. “I’ll admit, Steve’s not as bad as I thought he was.” I ignore Nancy’s surprised stare. “I can tell he really likes you, Nancy.” Her cheeks turn pink.

“Shut up.”

“It’s true! I see the way he looks at you.”

“How does he look at me?”

Like he’s in love. I shrug my shoulders. That’s for Nancy to figure out on her own. “I don’t know…like he really likes you. I can’t explain it.”

Nancy seems satisfied with my answer or she’s too embarrassed to push. Either way, I’m glad things are back how it used to be at least for now. When the breeze blew past, the heaviness in my stomach crept back up my chest. I look at the empty spot beside me. The spot for Barb. Hoping we’ll find her soon.

HARRINGTON RESIDENCE

We approach Steve’s house. It looks much bigger and intimidating in the daytime. I follow Nancy to the side of the house where there is a wooden door leading to the backyard. Nancy reaches for the handle and my eyes widen.

“Nancy!” I hiss, pulling her back. “We can’t just walk around Steve’s backyard without permission! It’s trespassing.”

“We have to. It’s the last time either of us saw Barb.”

“Nancy, we can be arrested if someone catches us.”

“If you don’t want to come, then stay here and keep watch. I’ll look around and see if I find anything.”

I shift from side to side watching Nancy carefully open the door. I hold it open for her as she looks around before stepping through. My body is vibrating with anxiety as I keep look out. Nancy peruses the concrete edge of the pool.

“Barb?” Nancy calls out.

There’s nothing but silence for a moment until I hear rustling in the trees. I whip my head to the side, searching through the underbrush for the source of the sound. My stomach flips when Nancy walks toward the same place I thought I heard the sound. Is she out of her mind?

“Nancy!” I whisper out loud, letting go of the door. It creaks shut behind me. “Nancy!” She can’t hear me. Worry gnaws at me; I can’t leave her to walk inside the woods by herself.

I scurry after her, grabbing her arm. She jumps, looking back at me with wide eyes. Nancy relaxes for a moment; thankful I am with her. I swallow thickly, keeping close as we walk deeper into the woods. Remnants of my dream comes back to me. I can almost feel the branches scratching my cheeks and ripping my hair out of its ponytail. My screams for help. A sense of deep uneasiness holds me rigid. What if something happened to Barb and she was screaming, but Nancy and I can’t hear her?

“Barb?” Nancy calls out.

The same rustling sound happens again. Nancy and I gasp snapping our heads to the left. I draw a sharp breath, blinking back tears. Nancy and I share nervous glances.

“Barb?” Nancy calls again.

From the corner of my eye, I see something whip past us a few yards down. It’s huge and—I scream letting go of Nancy. I don’t see her fall until I trip over her legs falling on top of her. We are a tangle of limbs scrambling up to our feet. Nancy grabs my hand and we both take off sprinting out of Steve’s backyard.

#stranger things rewrite #black fem reader #stranger things fic #stranger things #eddie munson x black!reader #steve harrington x black!reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #sinclair!reader #steve harrington x reader #dianasinclair #eddie munson x reader #Eddie Munson x fem!reader

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lnc2 · 1 year

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i know this won't sound like a revelation and i mean maybe it's not because of course i've known i've been living it but like

pet death is so fucking painful and real and constant

like losing rory was like losing a part of myself and even when i was at my worst (hospitalized) i still felt guilty for being so distraught and even though it's been nearly six years this december i'm still so easily triggered and can be set off if i'm not expecting certain reminders or anniversaries and like

yeah a bunch of other things happened around that time and the way it happened really cemented the Trauma and deeply embedded it into my body but i don't cry for my pets from childhood the way i do for rory

and i think about losing toby and i just... can't handle it?

and i've finally accepted or believe even though i've always Known it's because they're with me always. like your pets, especially the ones that are v present and interact w you in a v real way and are so smart and have their own personalities, they're yours, they're your kid, they're your best friend

i don't spend time with anyone the way i spend time w my dogs. i told/tell them everything, i schedule my days around them.

good morning toby, how's my boy, are you hungry, did you sleep well? i have a doctor's appt today, i'm anxious about this, can i have a hug? do you want to go to the park? let's watch a movie, i have to go out of town but i love you, are you feeling okay? do i need to take you to the vet? am i just being crazy? is this my trauma or my instincts telling me you're sick?

every year with him is one more year without her and one more year closer to being without him and just

i grieved rory the week she died before the accident even happened just sobbing like i'd lost her even though i had no reason to and didn't even know why i was crying and then i lost her bc no one believed me when i said she was sick and i didn't advocate or fight hard enough for her until it was too late.

so now toby slips when trying to jump on the sofa or sighs too much or his nose is runny or whatever and i'm on the verge of a panic attack and calling my mom to make sure i'm not being crazy before i schedule an emergency vet appt and just how do i know what's my trauma and what's my instincts? i don't know when to trust myself anymore all while knowing i can only trust myself.

i'm neurotic about his health, his environment, who he's with. if i can't have him in a place i can 100% control and guarantee is safe then i want him with people i know will take his safety as seriously as i do because they know if something happens to him i will lose it, catastrophically, wholly, entirely.

there are ways rory is still with me that are good and then there are ways that are very much... not.

idk if it's just because it was her and the how and when of it all but the end result was just complete and total devastation of my entire world. and i know it will be the same with him so even though he's happy and (hopefully please god hopefully) healthy i spend most of my time worrying that i'm not doing enough even though all he wants to do is to lay at my feet and play tug of war.

maybe it's bc i live alone, but idts i was crazy about her even when we lived w roommates, and i know i'd be the same with toby and i don't even know if i could trust someone to live with us anyways because would they see all the potential disasters as naturally as i do and make sure nothing happens? would they care like i do?

idk. rory's birthday was this past week and i was so exhausted from wedding stuff i don't think i was feeling any of it consciously but i'm feeling it tonight bc anniversaries are really hard even the happy ones, even so many years later.

everything with rory was a fight and a challenge (so so worth it, i've never connected w anyone spiritually like i did with that damn dog) and toby for all his size and sometimes annoyingness and for all that i resisted loving him the first year i had him is mostly so easy even when you think he shouldn't be. idk what it says about either of them but i think the universe sent him to me because they knew i needed a hardy dog, one that was sturdy even though he is a giant baby, and one that would take my anxiety and just let it roll off of him because everything after that left me so so fragile.

i'm sad she would have been eight. i'm said she never saw three. toby is five and will be six. numbers like these play through my head always. i've had him longer than i had her and yet and yet and yet

i keep telling myself i shouldn't still be crying this many years gone but it feels so new and so now whenever i think of her so i try not to think of her (my therapist says it's PTSD) but then i only remember the bad and not the many, many good.

it's okay i'm still sad, or something stronger than that. i love her and that's good and it's okay to cry. toby is taking care of me and i'm taking care of him and hopefully in many many many years they'll take care of each other.

i just needed to get this out, somewhere, i know it's disjointed and doesn't have a point but so are my feelings and i just wanted to acknowledge them even if it was only to myself

#not ml #tw pet loss #not toby just memories #and anniversaries even good ones are hard #now everyone knock on the nearest wood surface for me so i don't jinx anything #also why tf doesn't read more work the first time you enter it and you have to go back and edit a post?

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saras-devotionals · 3 months

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Quiet Time 2/12

What am I feeling today?

My peacefulness from yesterday has been overshadowed by stress. I have an exam in a couple hours today I don’t feel prepared for. I’m anxious about it and concerned I may not do well. I’m also concerned with the state of my heart in terms of a guy. I don’t want him to become an idol again but I also want to keep myself from becoming bitter again. It’s a fine line that I’m just trying to find the right way.

Philippians 2 AMP

(v. 2-5) “make my joy complete by being of the same mind, having the same love [toward one another], knit together in spirit, intent on one purpose [and living a life that reflects your faith and spreads the gospel—the good news regarding salvation through faith in Christ]. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit [through factional motives, or strife], but with [an attitude of] humility [being neither arrogant nor self-righteous], regard others as more important than yourselves. Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this same attitude in yourselves which was in Christ Jesus [look to Him as your example in selfless humility],”

‭I want to apply this to how I feel about [***]. Having the same line for one another. The love I have for one disciple should reflect how I feel about all of them, not showing favoritism. I do not get bitter at other disciples when I don’t get to spend time with them because I know there’s no hurtful intent behind it. Granted that’s a bit different than being actively avoided but I also need to keep reminding myself of the reasoning behind it.

I’m not meant to look out for my own self interests and I feel that I had in the past. I think I was selfish in my relationship with him. I was lonely and thought of him as the solution but that was a misguided notion. The key to that is the kingdom and the close friendships I develop. I heard once that those who aren’t used to love (and the release of oxytocin in the brain) are extra sensitive to it and therefore latch on and obsess quickly (which I believe is what happened with [***]). The solution instead is to form close friendships to get the release of oxytocin there and therefore one won’t get too obsessed when they find that in someone else. All in all, I need to seek further my relationships in the kingdom.

(v. 12-13) “So then, my dear ones, just as you have always obeyed [my instructions with enthusiasm], not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation [that is, cultivate it, bring it to full effect, actively pursue spiritual maturity] with awe-inspired fear and trembling [using serious caution and critical self-evaluation to avoid anything that might offend God or discredit the name of Christ]. For it is [not your strength, but it is] God who is effectively at work in you, both to will and to work [that is, strengthening, energizing, and creating in you the longing and the ability to fulfill your purpose] for His good pleasure.”

I was reflecting yesterday and thought that I may not have been actively working out my salvation. I was numb and stagnant for some time and my heart wasn’t in it which concerned me, where that change came from. I need to cultivate it, I need to mature, but in doing so I need to be absolute in having the basics down. Also, sometimes I wonder what it means to truly fear God and if I do, how am I supposed to acknowledge Him in that way?

I need to keep asking for his help. Because it even says so here that it is not by our strength but it is God who is working in us. He is effectively at work in us, both to will and to work (strengthening, energizing, and creating in us the longing and the ability to fulfill our purpose) for His good pleasure. This means a lot to me. I know we have free will and we all make the decision to seek God. But I feel that my will does not always align with His and I want it to. And now I see here that Good helps create that in us, that I’m not required to come up with it all on my own. That’s comforting.

[going on a prayer walk]

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ask-teamplayer · 1 year

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what do you guys all think of fate?

DARIN: not gunna lie sometime it b like

DARIN: ALL HAIL OUR GREAT FOREVER LEADER

DARIN: i aint know SHIT abt communism but we livin close to it with that guy

DARIN: that cute ass guy...

DARIN: cute as in cutie but also cute ass

DARIN: hes got a really cute ass im sayin

SETH: yeah, hes really hard to like... dislike!

SETH: he just worms his way under your skin and you cant even be mad at the little guy. hes just so charming and funny!

SETH: ive known him since i was young, so i have the best word here. how can you not fall in love with him a little??? bro love i mean. you know. how can you not just wanna wrap him up in a blanket??

NAHLA: Neeeerrrrdsss.

NAHLA: He is so full of bullshit, and honestly it's kind of crazy you think he's some kind of powerful leader type! He only breaks up fights because you're weak for him. So weaakk.

NAHLA: He is fun to prank. I will give you that and that only! It's funny to see him go on his little fits! Maybe that "small people are closer to hell" thing had some truth to it! Haha.

SETH: sure, nahla...

RONIN: yeah, f's probably the reason im friends with any of you stupid fucking people. he deserves some credit for that.

VERA: Hey now

RONIN: shit. except you, v. i dont know if we wouldve met without his divine intervention but i never wouldve hated you.

RONIN: we've got a trio thing going on with the guy, if you havent noticed, anon. he just forces us introverts to talk to each other, so i guess thats one thing he succeeded on.

CORA: I swear hearing the friend group discuss Fate without him in the room is always interesting. It's like he's some kind of friendship zeitgeist. Whenever he's in the room he's the center of attention, whenever he's out of it he's the center of discussion.

CORA: Somehow, every topic of colloquy we as a group have circles around to that boy and his many complexities. I enjoy his presence and participate in many philosophical discussions with him, but I'm more interested in the impact he leaves.

CORA: Every boy I am mutually friends with never shuts the fuck up about him. Even the straightest of macho men I have spoken with who accept his identity. It's quite humorous and frustrating.

LILY: hes silly :P

CORA: That as well...

ENZO: honestly its hard to tell if some of yall are too harsh on him except nahla in which case its really fuckin obvious and you gotta learn some empathy but whatever im not your dad

ENZO: dudes a goddamn sweetie pie but also a little asshole he balances it

ENZO: like the second i get uncomfortable he descends upon me like a shark smelling blood in the water to pamper me like im a fuckin handbag dog and hand out food and reassurances and sort the shit out he literally will just not let me be anxious ever no matter the circumstances

ENZO: he brings fuckin FANNY PACKS sometimes when we re out of school like he is THAT GUY

ENZO: i dont even think he knows half of what he does to me cause he drives me crazy lmao

CORA: As I said: Never shuts the fuck up about him. Homo-erotically crazy about this boy.

CORA: It's fascinating.

ENZO: yo cora i get its like your thing but can you interrogate me about my nonexistent sexuality issues a lil less cause i can fuckin hear you and its not all that polite

ENZO: im from the south i can make jokes like i ever experienced politeness in my life bro! shut up i literally just like the guy cause hes nice im not in the mood today

FATE: Sorry, bathroom break.

FATE: What are we talking about?

ENZO: NOTHING

CORA: Don't worry your pretty little head about it.

FATE: Cool.

#darin #seth #nahla #ronin #vera #cora #enzo #fate #lily #ask #anon

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blacktinnedpeaches · 9 months

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feeling so fucking overwhelmed today!!!

my mum called me to tell me that she's "probably found a counsellor" for my sister and that she's expecting a phonecall FROM ME bc my sister rejects my mother's input but accepts mine. like who the fuck has TWO FAMILY MEMBERS contact a therapist on their behalf before they even get a word in? (to be clear my sister has had no input at all + this is all my mum) i was going to call the therapist + set the record straight about what i think is actually going on but she didnt pick up so i had to leave a message so now im gonna be on edge about getting a call back and having to air all our dirty laundry for the 234858934th time

ben's got an IRL social thing w/ some friends of ours (boops + clare + lucas, for people keeping tabs) and im sooo anxious he's going to bring home a bunch of germs bc they're eating out in a restaurant + also playing dnd in a room (lol) and like we're getting married in <4 weeks like. im so worried something is going to happen to fuck the wedding up. or more likely he just gets a cold + i go fucking insane for 2 weeks. but i could really do without that to be honest. and he (very nicely) was like "im not going to postpone something important to me just bc of your germphobia :)" which is probably the correct response in all honestly but like fuck me i wish he would have given it a few more weeks lol??

i also have an unreal amount of work to do in the next few weeks (this one is fully my fault i fear. but i am so worried about money that i just felt like i needed to make some money v quickly. so i made like £900 in the past fwe days but now i actually have to like. make all the wigs)

please just send me copium so i can get through the next few weeks + also that the wedding is not affected by some hitherto unknowable reason. GOD. also please @ the universe DO NOT MAKE ME INTO MY SISTER'S CARER

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dollycas · 4 months

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2023 Reading Challenges - It's A Wrap!

I am jumping the gun a little bit by posting this today. So, I have included the two books I will complete by the end of the week. I am thrilled that I actually completed all, even exceeded some of the reading challenges I committed to this year. It's amazing what you can accomplish when your body stays reasonably healthy. Hopefully, I can do the same in 2024. I reviewed most of the books and each one listed is linked to my review. There were a few I read from my personal bookshelf so didn't write reviews. Those books are linked to Amazon. 2023 Reading Challenge

LORI has completed her goal of reading 175 books in 2023! hide 202 of 175 (100%) view books

A. Against the Currant by Olivia Matthews B. Bookclubbed to Death by V.M. Burns C. Canter With A Killer by Amber Camp D. Dial M for Meow by Ruth J. Hartman E. Engagingly Dead by Michele Scott F. Four Leaf Cleaver by Maddie Day G. The Game is a Footnote by Vicki Delany H. Hidden in the Pines by Victoria Houston I. The Ivy Tree by Carolyn Brown J. Jasmine and Jake Rock the Boat by Sonya Lalli K. Killer Cupid by Laurien Berenson L. Lemon Curd Killer by Laura Childs M. Murder at Wedgefield Manor by Erica Ruth Neubauer N. The Name of the Rosé by Christine E. Blum O. Of Mushrooms and Matrimony by Amy Patricia Meade P. Pruning the Dead by Julia Henry Q. Dairy Dairy Quite Contrary by Amy Lillard R. Rivalry Gone Wrong by L.C. Turner S. A Streetcar Named Murder by T.G. Herren T. Tilling the Truth by Julia Henry U. An Unholy Death by Leslie Budewitz V. Viviana Valentine Get Her Man by Emily J. Edwards W. Word to the Wise by Jenn McKinlay X. Madame X by Niobia Bryant Y. Your Time is Up by Kat Jorgensen Z. Miss Zukas and the Raven's Dance by Jo Dereske Complete 12/1/2023 Mini- Challenges January - Seasons - Winter's End by Paige Shelton February - Kitchen - Four Leaf Cleaver by Maddie Day March - Girl/Lady/Woman - The Girl With the Dragonfruit Tattoo by Carrie Doyle April - Flower - Digging Up Daisy by Sherry Lynn May - Royalty - Earl Grey and the Shattered Graves by Victoria Tait June - Position - Hidden Beneath by Barbara Ross July - Baseball - Dame Alice Hits Hollywood by Allie Mahoney August - Sky - The Solace of Stars by Kathleen Ernst September - Territory - Anxious in Nevada by Diana Xarissa October - I Spy - Pumpkin Spice Peril by Jenn McKinlay November - Compound Word -Bulletproof Barista by Cleo Coyle December - Christmas - Christmas, Criminals and Campers by Tonya Kappes

A. Amy Patricia Meade - Of Mushrooms and Matrimony B. Laurien Berenson - Killer Cupid by Laurien Berenson C. Amber Camp - Canter With A Killer D. Vicki Delaney - The Game is a Footnote E. Erica Ruth Neubauer - Murder at Wedgefield Manor F. Sarah Fox - Six Sweets Under G. Emily George - A Half-Baked Murder H. T. G. Herren - A Streetcar Named Murder I. Ian Moore - Death and Croissants J. Jenn McKinlay - Word to the Wise K. Michelle Hillen Klump - Murder Served Neat L. Laura Scott - Dogged by Death M. Maddie Day - Four Leaf Cleaver by Maddie Day N. Nancy J. Cohen - Star Tangled Banner O. Olivia Matthews - Against the Currant P. Paige Shelton - Winter's End Q. Mindy Quigley - Ashes to Ashes Crust to Crust R. Ruth J. Hartman - Dial M for Meow S. Michele Scott - Engagingly Dead T. L.C. Turner - Rivalry Gone Wrong U. Lisa Unger - All My Deepest Impulses V. V.M. Burns - Bookclubbed to Death W. Michele Pariza Wacek - Murder Among Friends X. Diana Xarissa - Anxious in Nevada Y. Samara Yew - Murder at the Seashore Z. Chad Zunker All He Had Left Complete - 10/5/2023

Alabama - Read the full article

#ReadingChallenges

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steele-soulmate · 5 months

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Tattooed Wings, CHAPTER 530, Peter Steele & OFC, Soulmate AU

SUMMARY: Mary Claire Bradley meets her soulmate- literally- the famous Peter Steele of metal group Type O Negative. But will obstacles including trauma, stalkers, and toxic family members get in the way of their life?

WARNING: mentions of child rape (nothing graphic) PTSD, milk kink, soft smut, grinding, assault, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, 69, P in V sex, blood, noncon rape, violence, death, vandalism, graffiti, attempted kidnapping, break-ins, wild animal attacks, terrorist attack (sabotage) consensual impregnation, bareback, impregnation kink, creampies, terrorist attacks (shootings) hit and run pedestrian accident, precipitous labor, neonatal death, abandoned baby

WORDS: 1312

I continued to nest about, feeling inexplicably restless and anxious for whatever reason. Peter stayed with me, shooing Isabelle off to study for her upcoming finals and telling Katie to go off, our adopted daughter going off to play on the piano in the sunroom. He would pick up stuff for me from the floor and let me sit on his knee when I needed a break, showering my face and neck with whiskery kisses.

“You doing good there now, sweetheart?” Peter asked me as I was pumping more milk from my aching tits. He had carried me upstairs into the master bedroom and was curled up around me from his side of the bed, one hand placed lovingly over where the Ratajczyk triplets were incubating, the three babies calm with the presence of their daddy nearby.

“Hey sweetheart, I think we’ll need to use formula for the arrival of the triplets,” Peter chuckled at the growing pile of full milk baggies. “I don’t think you’ll make enough for all three babies.”

I sent him a withering stare as I removed the now full bag from my pump, handing it over to him to be sealed.

“Yeah, well, whose fault is it that I am now pregnant with three babies?” I bitched, in a cranky mood for whatever reason.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he groveled, looking up at me with eyes full of wonderlove. I almost forgot how pissed I was at him for some reason after meeting his soft hazel blue eyes.

“Tomorrow, I see Dr. Isles and we’ll review my birthing plan.” All my frustrated anger had left me, leaving me feeling exhausted and limp. I smiled as my husband removed the now full bag of milk from the milk pump, skillfully sealing it before fitting another to the machine. “And then from there, we will go to Saint Mary’s Maternity Hospital for Expectant Mothers and talk to a birthing counselor about the birthing plan.”

“That does sound like a good plan,” Peter agreed as he leaned forward and pressed three whiskery kisses to my tummy.

KICK KICK KICK KICK

“Hey, what do you think of keeping the girls home from school tomorrow?” he pitched to me. “Bitty had a very stressful day today and I think the day off would be good for her.”

“Fine by me,” I shrugged, making a note to call the school in a bit, but Peter was already beating me to the chase, sliding his phone out from his back pocket and lifting it to his ear.

HIC HIC HIC HIC

Baby Eve suddenly began to hiccup in her sleep, her tiny baby body jerking up as spasms of air ripped through her itty bitty baby lungs.

HIC HIC HIC HIC

Sniffle sniffle sniffle

I looked up at the sense of needing love ebbed from the open doorway, only the doggy gate in place and saw Elizabeth, bundled in a purple blankie and rubbing at red, teary eyes, Elle tucked under one arm tightly to her chest.

“Elizabeth, what’s wrong?” I asked her in a soft voice, holding out my hand in an open invitation for her to enter and crawl onto the bed for some very much needed snuggles from mommy and daddy.

HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC

Elizabeth bounded into the bedroom, leaping onto the bed and then tucking herself in between her father and I.

“Why do such evil people exist out there in the world?” she sniffled as Mittens jumped up onto the bed, padding up to her distraught not a kitten before curling up into a little ball next to her and erupting into loud purrs.

PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR

HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC went Baby Eve, her soft chocolate brown eyes fluttering open. Her little lip trembled violently before-

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH… HIC WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH… HIC WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH… HIC WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH… HIC WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH… HIC WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH… HIC WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH… HIC WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH… HIC

“Poor baby,” I murmured sympathetically as I began to tickle my fingers across Elizabeth’s bald little head. “Elizabeth, do you want to talk about what you’re feeling?”

“I think I suffered a panic attack today,” she meeped timidly, looking up as Primrose jumped up onto the bed and immediately came up to Elizabeth, hopping into her lap with a quiet chitter.

“What happened, Elizabeth?” I asked her, my heart clenching at her emotional breakdown that she was suffering from.

“I was looking at a photograph of a man falling, and then it just hit me,” she called numbly. “My heart starts racing, I get sweaty, and I started to tremble with chills, I have difficulty breathing, my vision starts to fade out, and I felt as though I was going to be sick right then and there.”

Peter rolled over and scooped Baby Eve into his arms before settling himself down on the bed with the little six month old tyke on his beefy chest.

“Elizabeth, the world is a cold, dark, cruel place,” I explained bluntly. “There are people who hate, hate, hate with every fiber of their wellbeing. Some people just cannot function unless there’s something to hate. That’s why the terrorists hate people who don’t believe in what they believe. They will kill women who don’t wear full head to toe coverings, they will kill men who don’t follow the Qur'an, they will kill children if they’re from home that don’t practice what they think.”

“Why?” she whimpered.

“There has always been such hatred in the world,” I shrugged matter of fact tone of voice. “It’s only been within the past twenty five, twenty six years that their unjustifiable rage has been broadcasted around the world with the power of the world wide web and television.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth’s tears were still falling, though not as rapidly.“Yeah,” I told her, the milk pump turning off for the final time and I tugging the full bag from the machine. Elizabeth took the bag from me and sealed it for me before adding it to the tall pile of bags of milk on the bed. “Gramercy, Elizabeth.”

She only smiled at me before asking me if she wanted me to carry the bags of milk downstairs to be deposited into the big space freezer in the garage.

“Here Bitty, stash them into the mini refrigerator at the foot of the bed,” Peter urged her. “We’ll take care of them in the morning, yeah?”

Gramercy, thank you, old French?

TAGLISTS ARE OPEN/ ASK BOX IS OPEN/ REQUESTS ARE OPEN/ PLOT BUNNIES ARE WELCOMED

If you liked this, then please consider buying me a coffee HERE It only costs $3!!!

PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@rock-a-noodle

@ch3rry-c01a

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lamb-entertainment · 6 months

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WBMM Chapter 11 pt 3

I learned that I could just drink, and my anxieties would disappear, so I spent every waking moment drunk out of my mind. At first it wasn’t that bad, I was only drinking during parties, but that was the only time Rebecca would care about me. She was the first person in a long time who had cared about me, and it was only when I was drunk. I don’t know why though; I think it might be because I was more easily pressured into things. I mean that’s how I lost my v card. I can’t remember much but I remember being at some house party with Rebecca on top of me. I was so wasted that I was barely present I don’t think I was even moving. I just remember feeling nothing, I wasn’t contributing, I was barely awake, I was just there. I mean she didn’t force herself on me or anything, she was also drunk out of her mind. But that was only the start of everything. After that my grades started slipping and the loneliness only grew, my family only ever contacted me about school and anybody I knew from college was a stranger to me. I tried to find company with Rebecca, but it never felt like we were dating. We were just lonely together, so instead I found company in drinking and drowned my college years in alcohol. I kept drinking, kept letting Rebecca have sex with me, kept going to parties, and I stopped feeling lonely, I stopped feeling. I scraped by college after that and barely graduated after getting my 2-year degree. That’s when my dad gave me the company we work at. He told me I earned it. And instead of feeling proud or accomplished I felt guilty, I wasted 2 years of my life doing nothing except failing classes and barely scraping by. And I had nothing to show for it except for a hangover and 2 years' worth of self-destruction. I decided that I was going to change, running a company isn’t something I can do wasted. But even though I changed nothing else did, well except for getting withdrawal and Rebecca started hating me, but those only made my life worse I was still feeling the same exact way just without my coping mechanism, this is when I went back to being socially anxious, but tenfold, not only did I find it hard to talk to people but any time I socialized it just reminded me of my past, and I couldn’t stop getting panic attacks. So, to avoid it I started working at night, but I couldn’t avoid Rebecca. She was still a drunk and I think she resented me for making a change she wasn’t capable of, so she took it out on me. She would get upset at me for not wanting to go out and that would always end up with us having sex because she said she was at least entitled to that. I mean slowly I was able to go out, but it was never enough for her. I thought that if I proposed to her, we would be happy. I got this idea after we went to one of her friend's weddings and she got so shitfaced, she started telling me that she knew I was going to propose soon and to just do it so we could have a wedding like this one. At the time I was happy, thinking she was just so in love with me that she convinced herself that I was going to propose, but in hindsight she just felt upstaged that her friend was getting more attention than her. So, I planned a proposal that she would love and then spent 7 months delaying it in tell everything went up in flames and we broke up.”

A silence grows between me and Vinnie as I think of something to say to encapsulate how much I care, how much I love him, how I can comfort him and just be there for him, but nothing except the scripted apology comes to mind. The one that everybody told me when my father died.

“Vinnie, I’m so sorry and thank you so much for telling me.”

“Thank you too.”

“What, why?”

“For being there for me for the past 2 years. You were the reason I was able to grow, talking to you every day and actually listening to you and building a relationship between us, it helped me enough to get to where I am today, I don’t have panic attacks going to restraunts, I don’t crave alcohol around you, and I don’t just feel lonely together, I feel together.”

And just like that Vinnie breaks the script.

I smile at Vinnie not being able to stop myself and he smiles back putting his hand on top of mine, before he raises his eyebrows into a shocked expression and reaches for the other side of him.

“Here! The coat you wanted.”

We both look at the coat and back to each other before breaking into a fit of laughter.

“Thank you for the coat, Pepper’s going to love it.”

“I’m glad, now then let me grab your suit.”

And with that he gets up to grab my suit.

#original writing #writing

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chrimsone · 1 year

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I'm feeling helplessly sad today. I want to cry, I almost did. I talked about my cats. I got to Toby. I remembered the day he died. What's funny is he hasn't even impacted my psyche the way Willow did. He lived a long, happy life. One I had to witness the end of, but I knew he was loved for so long.

He's not the reason I feel this way though.

I just, feel so useless? Insignificant, I guess.

We're not even a week into November and my life has turned into work then sleep. When I find the time to be on my computer I just stare at the screen, not mustering up the courage to even play something.

I can't even try to enjoy work anymore. A new manager did a complete 180 and probably hates my guts. I feel nervous whenever I'm around her, I'm constantly walking on glass because I can't stand the way she tries to boss me around but if I defy her it's ultimately insubordination. I hate this job but I don't want to get fired.

Maybe, what triggered this was my attempt to work for Bungie. I took a look at their list. Narrative Design. Sounded like it was gear and bounty flavor text. Something not daunting. Something to get me out of retail and into something I might actually enjoy.

I spent nearly a week slaving over a cover letter. It was my only chance. I have no credentials. I'm just a high school graduate working the same job I first got when I was seventeen.

I have no passions. They all died by the time I graduated. Art? I have fucking aphantasia. No matter how hard I try it never looks right. I couldn't, and can't, afford a mentor. I liked space. So Astronomy? I barely passed pre-calculus. I dropped out of the real thing only one trimester in. I hated my teacher, but mostly myself for not being able take in any knowledge. By then, I was hopeless. I've considered veterinary work, with my love for cats. I know I'd see them in pain, it's why I never considered it when I was younger. Maybe that's part of why I never got too serious. You need licenses to practice. More education that I can't afford. Recently I've gained a minor passion for writing. I've made little stories in my head since elementary school, developing them better as I grew. I wrote some fics in high school. Kept most of it to myself. I stopped until earlier this year. And I realized, I could convey my thoughts in this artistic way much better than when I tried to draw. I loved finding the right word to convey the emotion I wanted. But whenever I made something, inside, I nagged at myself. What if I try to take writing seriously? Will I go into learning how to do everything properly and realize I'm just missing some vital brain composition just like I am with drawing? I'm scared. Scared that the one thing I'm clinging onto for a future will make me fall just like the rest. Of course, there's video games. I'm always tempting just throwing it in, essentially selling my body like some shitty v-tuber on twitch because dudes are horny. Maybe QA testing. But even then I worry that I'm not skilled enough to try and break a game for release.

I got advice from my friends. Bugged them the whole time, sending them paragraphs and asking for advice. I wanted this to be perfect. It was my only chance. I was so anxious to even send it, but I managed to late last Friday.

I never got an email back. I actually just wondered if maybe they called instead. I haven't checked my voicemail in months. As I'm writing this, I finally looked, maybe they called me instead? Still, nothing. I wasn't considered. I'm not good enough. My letter did nothing. Something I worked so hard on, something I wrote specifically for other eyes, failed.

I hate this world. I hate having to ask for help. I want to be self sufficient. I wish I never existed. That someone else was in my place. I'm not worthy of having a soul. Someone else with more will is deserving of my life. I'm just merely a husk, wasting precious resources.

Y'know. I'll post this. And usually I feel like a weight is lifted off my chest. That I got these awful thoughts out somewhere. Maybe, someone'll come across them and learn of me. They wont plague only me anymore. But I'll click the button, and still feel awful. I won't hop into my clan's voice chat and act like I wasn't crying to myself for an hour. I won't simply get up and do something like eating or laundry before bed. I'll just sit, staring at the dashboard I don't even look at anymore, until it hits the time I'm supposed to go to bed for work tomorrow. All while listening to shit that keeps me in this awful mood.

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luvrh8r · 2 years

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07.05.22

this saturday morning was quite productive. i woke up @ 9, cleaned the house, took a bath, went to dance class which being one of the reasons why i had a productive morning.

on other days, a start to morning like this would bring a huge smile to my face but my emotions were clearly the opposite of what i had thought it would be. firstly, the warmup dances of the dance session today were great, i was v content with how i could grasp them easily and quickly but when it came to the choreography part of today’s session i couldnt catch up with it. the song and the steps were fast paced making it difficult for me to catch up with its pace and other dancers present there too but i thought “its ok, practice the choreography at home”.

there was an impromptu after dance sesh held by the teacher in which he asked everybody to express how the session was. the whole time as he kept asking everyone to speak up i found myself getting more and more anxious about my turn to speak. idk what got me but the anxiety kept growing, i kept fidgeting, in my mind i was repeating as to what to say and suddenly i was almost on the verge of tears ??? i wanted to get up and rush to the bathroom but couldnt get myself to do that either. but somehow thankfully, he didnt ask me to speak up and i was so glad but at the same point not fine because i kept panicking like hell to only know that it wasnt worth it? if that makes sense? if I make sense??? i guess irdk

on the way back ( i was along with my bestfriend ) she told me that she had signed up for this grooming certificated course and that she has a zoom regarding the same. idk why but i find myself feeling envy whenever i here others doing better than me, others doing more stuffs that i do. it makes me question myself if what i am doing is that enough or is it correct ? it makes me question if feeling this way towards your own friend is that okay? questions that are going to be left unanswered. . . .

AAAGHH i hate hATE HATE feeling this way but anyways,,, i did have a mental breakdown over all of this while having lunch so yeah :)

#rant #rants n rambles #rantswlh #rant post

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thetaoofbetty · 4 years

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I find it not just petty but like, actually disturbing when ppl say bughead is toxic bc of jugheads story. Firstly it shows ppl blurring the line between reality and fantasy and second, it's an argument that's used to bully real fanfic authors who write dark content. And some of that bullying gets very nasty, I followed someone who even had to delete her account just to make it stop. It's just so sad and gross and dumb.

Hello gorgeous!

Gather round, children, and let me tell you a tale about purity culture and the absolute hatred of the female power fantasy.

That’s like a Harry Potter book. Only JKR would never write it because she’s a big ol’ TERF. So, maybe not.

Here’s the deal, I’m old, man. Okay, not really, but I’m old enough to remember when you were allowed to like whatever the fuck you wanted. Fandom spaces were sacred. Sure, there was discourse and infighting and bullshit, that’s life. But, for the most part, it was read at your own risk, dead dove don’t eat, ykinmk (your kink is not my kink), etc. WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE.

In an age where we have Twitter Karens training the next generation in their image, people just refuse to let women be the monster fuckers they want to be. I am, of course, being facetious. Mostly. Some women would fuck the ever loving shit out of monsters and you know what? Valid.

We’ll notice that it’s not an issue with men. They’re allowed, still, to like whatever it is they like. And if they yell loudly enough on reddit and youtube, they will be catered to. (Ahem.)

People really don’t want to let women just be. We’re either too loud, too quiet, too smart, too stupid, too slutty, too innocent, and someone else, somewhere, always, always, always knows what’s best for us.

We have this new weird trend of people who cannot handle conflict (mostly pearl clutching white women and teenagers who only see in black and white) coming at us from all directions of why anything less than a coffee shop meet cute is A Bad Thing™.

It’s also bullshit.

The censoring of women (because it’s just for us, let’s be real) started as being seen as empowerment. It’s not. It’s shaming women for their darker urges. Listen, most little girls are weird. And that’s beautiful. I used to bury my barbies (I wanted to excavate them later) and collect dead sea creatures but still cried when I’d accidentally step on a bug. We’re not going to become Bad People for liking the darker side of fiction. It’s an expression of self, it’s not blurring a line between fantasy and reality.

The idea the women need to be coddled and guided to the Right Direction is infuriating. It’s insulting to my intelligence and my moral compass. You really want to do some good in this world? Stop telling other women they’re bad for liking fiction you don’t personally like and get up off your ass and do something that will actually uplift another woman who needs it.

Performative armchair activism helps no one.

The darker side of fiction is often a female power fantasy. A woman, taking control, having an often strong man love her unconditionally and treating her as his equal, bending to her will? Offering her the world? That’s power. And women have very little of it. Trying to shame them for the one escape they can find to let themselves grab a little bit of it for themselves? That’s cruel and unnecessary.

If you’re so far left, you’re coming at me with alt right talking points, you’ve lost all credibility. If you’re talking to me in misogynistic language, you have no argument, you have an idiotic rhetoric that I have no time for. If you’re so woke you need to back to sleep, you’re probably a teenager who feels entitled to be in adult spaces online while also yelling that you’re a minor when it blows up in your face.

You know what’s toxic to me? Telling me a boy that shows no interest in me until I’m happy with someone else is the boy I should choose, that the Good Boy gets me as a prize? That’s toxic. And it’s what happens most often in our society but they’re not ready to have that conversation.

Thanks for the ask, doll! 💜

#anonymous #besos!#i have other points but don't know how to voice them #i am v v anxious today for no reason #so #the brain #she's half cocked

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